#shes literally my wife errr

[momosfy]

just rewatched the episode where casey and munch interrogate together .. UGH I LOVE THEM GOD

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "Dad. Don't freak out now. But it turns out my girlfriend is...."

Lucifer: "? Lesbian, yes?"

Charlie: "...an angel."

Lucifer: "Oh I KNOW she is Char-char! Just look at her!"

Charlie: "You whuh?"

Vaggie: "It's- it's not that obvious! ...is it?"

Lucifer: "Aww Maggie, anyone who's known you for two minutes could see that you're just the sweetest most angelic girlfriend."

Charlie: "Oh noo..."

Vaggie: "Uhhh. How, sir?"

Lucifer: "Why, the way you look at Charlie! All soft and gooey! Like caramel melting on an apple!"

Vaggie: "Oh."

Charlie: "No dad I didn't mean 'angel' as in she's sweet like an angel or pretty like angel- I mean! She IS pretty! The most pretty!! Gorgeous, stunning-"

Vaggie: "Getting off topic babe."

Charlie: "We mean it literally. Dad, Vaggie's an angel. Vaggie?"

Vaggie: (wings go floomf)

Lucifer: ".........."

Lucifer: "...."

Lucifer: "Oh." (tears up) "Wowzer."

Vaggie: (PANIC) "Shit oh shit, Charlie- Charlie I made your dad cry-"

Charlie: "H-happy tears, right dad!? Happy tears!"

Lucifer: "Oh, yes. It's only. Standing like that. You two, you look a lot like..." (clears throat) "Golly!"

Charlie: "We look at lot like...?"

Lucifer: "A whoooole lot of happy! Just. Wow! HA!"

Vaggie: "Are you okay sir?"

Lucifer: "Am I okay- are YOU okay??? How did you get down here, Maggie! And without anyone telling me! I would've LOVED to have helped- errr ah well, or at LEAST given you a place to crash- oh GOSH not the best word choice is that ha ha oops! Um!"

Vaggie: "It's alright sir. Charlie kinda... took care of all that. And, me."

Charlie: "She was Exorcist. She is NOT like that anymore. She left them all on her own, and they- they just left her here."

Lucifer: "An Exorcist? One of Lilith's ex's scary vengeance ladies?"

Charlie: "Dad-"

Lucifer: "OHHHH THAT IS HILARIOUS- oh Lili would LOVE this- did you leave him too? The-"

Vaggie: "First dick? Yeah."

Lucifer: "HIGH FIVE! Ooh ooh AND DOWN LOW! Oh haha, I haven't done that part since Charlie was still my size!!!"

Charlie: "Daaaaad..."

Lucifer: "So you left Adam like Lili did and you're dating a demon like I was and you're and angel like me and- oh do you. Do you miss heaven? Are you, trying to get back...?"

Vaggie: "No. I like it here."

Lucifer: "Preferring and happier in hell, another point like Lili! But why?"

Charlie: "She didn't exactly have the best time up in heaven."

Vaggie: "No shit. You weren't up there."

Charlie: "Vaggieeee."

Lucifer: "Youuuuu're looking at her all melty and sweet again~"

Vaggie: "Anyway sir, we just wanted you to know."

Lucifer: "Well gee whiz I sure hope you kids didn't stress over tell me! This is PERFECT!"

Charlie: "It is?"

Lucifer: "Of course it is! Maggie." (takes Vaggie by the shoulders) "Do you know what all of this means?"

Vaggie: "...that i can... keep dating... your daughter..?"

Charlie: "Vaggie of course you c-"

Lucifer: "YOU WERE DESTINED TO BE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!" (hugs her) "You're like a perfect mix of me and Lili! It's like creation made someone specially to understand our daughter- and it's YOU! Charlie's matching other half, her soulmate- exactly the right wife for her!"

Vaggie: "Your- wait- HER-?"

Demon Charlie: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!"

Lucifer: "Two beautiful brides!" (sniffles) (pulls charlie into the hug and cracks them both like glow sticks) "So! When's the wedding!?"

[ketchup0-0]

Errr so I lied as stated in my last post I did not post in the morning 😭 so sorry abt that, but I haven’t been having a very good time recently. Schools out tho so now that I’m on summer break I get to stay up late and play games, only down side is that school was making me leave the house, the only time I’ve left the house this week was to go get shampoo.

Also have you guys seen the new kanade card on jp project sekai server?!?!? She’s so pretty, she’s literally my wife (source is trust me).

Anyways I would update u guys more but there isn’t rlly anything to update other then the fact that I’ve been very depressed this past month sooo yea 👍

Tune in sometime tomorrow at like 230 am again to hear me spout more bullshit 👍👍👍👍

[7ban-sama]

nene chan.. wearing a collar?? (its me anon… the one who asks you 2n2n and heartlurch a million questions about au’s and headcanons..) i feel like she’d wear one just for the style of it because it would match good with what she’s wearing… or maybe amane-kun would just make her wear it lool

Greetings! Ooh. Asking me and my wife and... me, a million questions, I see... 🧐 Well luckily for you I will answer a million questions about my ship HCs, AU details, etc etc... I spend all my time thinking about them. So.

Nene in a collar! I'd love to see such a thing. We get to see Amane in collars repeatedly, which is fun, but I'd love to see Nene in something so girly-girl, lacy, ribbony. It'd look so nice in Aida's style haha, I wish I could see it-!! And what outfit would go with such a thing...

WRT the choice to wear it... Hm! I could see her admiring such a thing... Like looking at images on her phone, feeling forlorn, sigh, oh imagine... >< To be 'that sort' of girl who could pull it off... Self-consciousness I think would make her struggle to commit to a purchase though! Like... it'd feel silly to do it on her own... What, or who, is it for? Just alone in her room? And then, it's too bold to ear out in public, errr, can't have her parents seeing her walk out the house like that? (Even if it's not like she'd be shamed, kind of, embarrassing-!?)

I think the greatest fantasy would be if it were a gift from a boy... So she would be wearing it FOR him, as a FAVOR, a GIFT of being pretty girl in collar... Unfortunately that's almost asking too much out of such a normal guy like Amane, somehow I don't think he's so fashionable and able to visualize such a thing on his own kfkfhf... If thinkos collar, probably would be thinking simpler, black band.

It's the sort of thing I'd either imagine Nene-chan having to incept (make it... somehow seem like... his idea...) or be bold and propose like, Do you want me to wear this... <- dangerous, Amane sucks, even if he's really into it he might, say something, rude or, maybe not say anything at all...

But it's interesting whether or not it's canon ghost boy or, an alive boy, hm! Hanako-kun is more... overtly gnasty... If they were already 'established' in some sense (fooling, even if pre-confessions/dating) ; he could be shown such a thing and be like ugh dirty girl... whaaaaaaat~? You want me to put a collar on you... lol, is THAT what you're into?? Yashiro... (Shitty tone but domineering at least, like make her feel small BUT... turned on.) Like tears in her eyes, face red, but, I think he could smooth it over, hold her jaw and croon and be like, awww, if that's what you want... Condescension. You have Nene-chan boiling as she buys it later at home [face buried in pillow!!] but I think the reward is well worth it. He will [clumsily...] cinch it around her neck. Touch slowly, lingering... finger the material. Fixate on it during sex. It's like mrhh... does hurt when girlie want to look nice for you. Siiigh, a pretty and cute girl...

However I'm really amused by the alternate timeline, of. Nene running a longcon with alive boy, non-supernatural Amane. Take him to a, store, go shopping with him, look at thingsss... and then just PASS BY such accessories and, glance at them but, you know not, say anything. And maybe watch as he stares at it like "..." but says nothing. JUST LET IT INCUBATE... in this case it'd literally be helpful to have Tsukasa there to be like WHAT ABOUT THESE? Oh... LIKE A KITTY CAT, WOW.... ^^ WOULD NENE-CHAN LIKE THAT? [Amane scruffs Tsukasa] [angry... grr... WHY YOU THINKING ABOUT HER WEARING SUCH THINGS... TSUKASA-!!] [but like hrn,............]

The next phase of this is a very ambiguous amount of time (MONTHS...? A YEAR...?) before it's like cough. Buys you this. One wishes it were more romantic perhaps but I think it's kind of like, sweaty dark aura, guy who is dealing with a fetish, vibes, instead. THAT'S... OKAY-!! Though. It's fine,

Final thoughts is I think in Bakeneko Ryokan, the endgame would be getting Nene-chan a collar, though matchies with him and Tsukasa. The little tassel beneath it and all... stylish. Jingle jingle.

[demoniccrowz]

Am I the only hero with morals? (Villain Phil, Kristen, Hero Techno/Tommy(or both))

This sounds hilarious please

Happy to oblige lol I love this

Alright so this one’s basis is that Phil, who’s basically the most powerful supervillian in the city, is having a problem with lesser villains that are rising up to challenge him. The problem?? They took his wife. Naturally, none of the heroes want to help him, since, y’know, he’s a villain. Except Tommy/Techno/both is/are like ‘wtf?? This man’s wife has done nothing you can’t just??? Leave her there????’ And goes to save her. Phil, being the wife-loving man that he is, feels immediately indebted to him/them. So he goes to thank him/them.

chaos and found family proceeds, the heroes are pretty damn corrupt but Phil is NOT a ‘good’ villain he’s darkly morally grey and I love him for that. Errr.

if it’s just Tommy: he’s a bit put off by Phil, if he’s honest, but Kristen is nice and she’s very worried he’s not being treated well, so she sends Phil to make sure he is. Phil, of course, finds out the exact opposite and immediately wants to swoop the kid away, but has to bide his time. He ends up helping Tommy fight off one of the medium level villains, who gets a good shot on the kid. Phil instantly makes the decision to take him home, and Kristen is like ‘we r keeping him, my son now’. Phil agrees, and Tommy is eventually coaxed into agreeing because Kristen’s cooking is just THAT GOOD (and he’s lonely, but he’d never admit that). Found family occurs.

if it’s just Techno: he’s been putting up with the heroes and their stupid ‘rules’ about how he’s supposed to fight for so long, it’s refreshing to work with Phil. He thinks Kristen is a great person, but he’s definitely closer with Phil, and the two enjoy causing mass chaos. It didn’t take much for Techno to switch sides, especially after Phil shows he typically hurts LESS civilians than most of the heroes. Techno ends up getting into a fight with one of the higher up heroes, and he gets pretty beat up after another one joins in. Unfair fight. Phil is very worried, but Techno keeps telling him he’s overreacting. Phil eventually convinces Techno to come back with him, to make sure that his wounds were at least properly bandages. Techno’s wounds were (obviously) a lot worse than he was letting on, so Phil and Kristen literally just don’t let him leave. He enjoys the dynamic, more than he could ever admit. Found family occurs.

if both: Techno’s dead set on the fact that he can take care of Tommy alone, and they don’t need anyone else. The main reason he goes to rescue Kristen is because Tommy asked him to, but he had to admit that he’s glad to have helped her. He’s honestly a little jealous when Kristen starts sending Tommy sweets she made for him, at least until she sends some to him as well. Somehow, she knows exactly what both of them like. Tommy gets injured while out on patrol, and Phil swoops in to save him before Techno can get there. Techno, grudgingly, agrees to go with Phil to get some medical supplies to help Tommy. While Kristen is bandaging him up, Phil and Techno have a Meaningful Chat, and Techno finally admits that he might be just a little bit scared that he can’t take care of Tommy well enough. Phil offers to help, and Techno hesitantly agrees. Meanwhile, Kristen and Tommy have their own Meaningful Chat, in which Tommy confesses that he’s worried about Techno not being able to do anything ever because he’s always taking care of Tommy. Kristen offers to help, and Tommy agreed brightly. Tommy’s wounds are worse than she though anyway, she wants to keep an eye on his healing. Many Emduo moments. Lots of Kristen and Tommy (duo name??? Help???) moments. Tommy and Techno eventually have their own Meaningful Chat and in addition to confessing their fears they decide they DEFINITELY want to stay. Bedrock bros moments. Found family occurs

[ivysangel]

OMG SO REAL I HATE COLLEEN HOOVER. i don't like talking about it much because i usually don't like yucking someone's yum or whatever but coho...she's an exception. not only is she just not my favorite writer in the technical sense and not only do i disagree with how she approaches her themes (one of her books is literally about a conniving wife pretending to be disabled because she's like evil. okay girl) but i genuinely think she's a huge reason as to why smut books are now seen as a normal thing to be marketed towards teen girls. and there's nothing wrong with badly written smut books, but fifty shades of grey was never marketed as a romance that 'mature teens' can handle. something about her books were just the perfect storm and opened a hellhole of adult fiction being recommended to teens. which you could argue is more of the publisher's fault than her own but everything about it just rubs me the wrong way

-partition anon

that line in the parenthesis threw me for a loop i’m ngl…bc like what? i definitely remember the tide shifting when she and penelope douglas got suuuuuper popular during the pandemic because all of sudden everyone and their mother were smut books they found through tiktok. and i’m ngl, me and my friends were apart of that group of people (literally had a gc/book club dedicated to punk 57 errr). but after like spring/summer 2021 it got really out of control and then that genre of books became inescapable. it went from being a sub-genre of booktok to being the FACE of booktok, and that’s almost single-handedly the fault of colleen hoover.

i never personally read one of colleen’s books (although i do own a copy but it was a bday gift from a friend and ironically the most tame book of the 3 she got me…), i do know people that were and still are coho fans. this one girl i new in middle school posted a pic on her snap story and captioned it, “i love being a reader 🥰” and the pic was like a money spread of coho books…like ok.

i do very much agree that there’s nothing wrong with badly written smut, and if her books were just badly written smut i don’t think so many people would have a problem with them. but i will say that a lot of the fault falls on the people that promote her shit on booktok as romantic and spicy when so many of books have very dark themes. like it ends with us being about dv is something i found out this year even though i’ve seen the book all over the internet for since i was like 15 or smth.

idk i’m just praying on her downfall. it with be so beautiful to watch

also, hiii honey!! long time no see <33

[cinnamonest]

Heya, I want to submit some ideas but unfortunately I lose that post which I write :(

So it will be more as trying to recall what I lost, less energetic. Anyway.

I'm also not very interested in Itto, but have some ideas about his misogynic behaviour against Sara. He seems to be very... ashamed of fact, that she overpowered him and seized his vision. Keep on demanding a rematch with her. Maybe because "Oh Archons, I CAN'T lose against GIRL, it definitely wasn't fair battle, I HAVE TO recover my pride!"

However, I'm actually can't see Itto is a yan, he seems to be kinda dumb for it. However...

C h I l d e

While writing this post, I come to a thinking, that Sara he is really good substitute for that dynamic. You wrote some post about Childe and women, who overpower him in battle, and there was some options with which he won't take that lose seriously. If that women was a bow/catalyst user, cryo or electro and if she sneaky.

And so Sara. Electro, bow, not that sneaky, can use a sword, but MOSTLY she is a bow user. If there will be a powerbody battle, she likely lose.

Thought I thought, that she also give Childe some trouble while he will be capturing her, she looks like a pretty good wife option to be errr fixed.

ALSO

Imagine Childe somehow would know about her love to a 5 and "Aww, if you like number five so much, I will ensure that you cum five times every day, darling ;)"

YES he absolutely would! He's horrible towards a fem darling in general of course but I still stand by the idea that he's super petulant about fighting -- a fight isn't "real" unless there's brute strength involved in some way. Sure, he's a bow user himself, but only because he's not good with it, and because if needed he can literally put the thing down and go hand to hand combat. The bow isn't even really necessary, it's only because the other person is armed. If they are also unarmed, literally just fist to fist, he can pummel pretty much any enemy in his path.

A girl is different. You NEED that bow/catalyst to even stand a chance. You need evasion tactics, to be sneaky. I feel like he'd especially get pissed off over a darling that has an ability like Mona's sprint, or Sayu's roll, something that can get you out of the way of getting grabbed or taking a blow at quick speed. It's pathetic. Cowardly. You can't risk getting hit, because you know full well a single blow from his bare hands would take you out. Sigh.

[insaneasgardian]

Anushka's Wild Day

Based off this crazy dream of mine

Ty @bionic-staring-machine for giving me the idea to turn it into a fanfic.

I don't know what the heck I wrote, it's trash, but I'm willing to roll with it if you will.

.

.

.

"Would you look at the time Anu! It's late, you should probably get home before your parents start to think I kidnapped you." Tony Stark chuckled at his intern.

Anushka smiled and nodded, grabbing her small bag that sat on one of the work benches in the lab. "Today was great Mr Stark, thank you so much!" The girl chirped, giving the man a small wave before she turned towards the exit of the lab.

"Bye kid" he said, still engrossed in his work.

Suddenly, a red light flashed throughout the lab, and a loud, high pitched siren sounded through the compound. Anushka stopped in her tracks, dropping her bag to shield her ears from the terrible sound.

"There's been a breach in the compound! Someone broke in!" Tony shouted, throwing aside whatever small gizmo he'd been working on.

"I'll initiate lockdown protocol" he hurriedly rushed over to one of the many computers and began to rapidly type away.

Anushka knew she should be helping her boss, but she stood grounded in pure fear, as she saw two figures enter the lab. They wore dark, black ski masks that covered their faces, and she could see their white teeth flashing at her in a creepy smile.

She shrieked as one of them raised a gun at her. She ducked behind a table just as a bullet almost pierced her.

This earned Tony's attention immediately, he looked to see his intern crouching frightenedly behind a work table and he turned to glare at the two men, who had now turned to him.

The taller of the two pulled off his ski mask, and Tony got a good look at him. He had long bright red hair, and a wicked grin, enough to make any person cower and shrink away. However, Anushka knew that Tony wasn't any person he was fricking ironman. So she looked at him hopefully, absolutely certain he would blast the asses of these guys.

The billionaire looked at the teenager and shot her a reassuring smile, before stepping forward. Unarmed.

The other intruder pulled his mask off too, exposing his jet black hair, and green eyes, he had a scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt, it gave Anushka an unnerving feeling.

"I'm Harry Potter, this is Bill Weasley, it's a pleasure good sir" this man said in a British accent, gesturing to himself and his red headed colleague.

"OH, FLIBBTIY GIBBIT YOU HARRY, JUST SHOOT THE BUGGERS!" Bill cried.

"Errr, right, sorry" Harry apologized, rubbing the back of his neck before sending a flurry of bullets onto Tony.

Anushka almost cried out for her possibly dead boss, but much to her shock, Mr Stark stood just as tall and proud as he was before. No bullet wounds or blood were present anywhere on his body!

"Huh?" Anushka breathed out, very confused at the moment.

Out of nowhere, Tony ripped of his skin as if it was a mere piece of paper. He literally RIPPED it off, and underneath that skin, was none other than the Vision.

"Pleasure to meet you Harry and Bill, I am Vision" he said politely, and Anushka almost rolled her eyes, before remembering the odd situation.

When it finally sunk in, some tears left her eyes and she let out a loud sob, attracting everyone's attention. "You killed Mr Stark, didn't you? Now you're wearing his skin!" She bawled.

Vision rapidly shook his head, "No! Don't cry! Tony Stark is very safe!" he assured.

"Well where is he?" The girl questioned.

Before Vision could respond, Captain America's shield came flying into the room, hitting Bill, bouncing off his head, then hitting Harry, killing them both before finally returning to Steve Rogers who had just entered the room.

"Here I am kid" Steve said, ripping off his own skin as well, revealing Tony underneath it. Honestly, for some reason, Anushka wasn't surprised.

"If you're in Steve's skin, where's Steve?" Anushka pried.

"He's in Thor's skin, don't worry" Tony said, "But you're in danger Anu, we have to get you to safety".

"How exactly am I in danger?" the teenage girl asked, lightly jogging behind Tony as he walked out of the lab, the both of them leaving a very lonely and friendless Vision behind.

"Uhhh.... I don't know, all I know is I have to get you somewhere safe, so I'm taking you to my best friend Todd's house" Tony told her as he chose out a car in his garage for the both of them to take.

Anushka narrowed her eyes in suspicion, "Sounds sketchy, but okay" she said, "Also, I thought Rhodey was your best friend, who the heck is Todd?".

Tony sighed, "Ever since Rhodey stole Pepper's skin and pretended to be my wife, I cut ties with him".

The two of them then climbed into a huge truck and drove to Todd's place.

When they finally got there, Anushka stepped out and Tony drove away instantly, leaving her in the dust.

"Oof" she said as one of the tires ran over her foot, crushing all the bones inside.

Reluctantly, the girl trudged to the house in front of her and knocked on the door. It opened immediately, and a handsome man stood there, looking at her with a smile.

"Loki?!" Anushka exclaimed.

"My dear child, my name is Todd" the man said.

But Anushka wasn't convinced. She'd come across Loki many times, and would recognize him anywhere. This man wore glasses, and had light brown hair with a reddish tint, but it was obviously a wig because strands of black hair could be seen poking out the side. He shared Loki's green eyes as well.

"Mhmmm, whatever you say Loki Doki" Anushka said, pushing past the man and walking into his house uninvited.

"Rude mortal child" she heard him mumble behind her, before he shut the door and turned to her with a sigh.

"If you aren't Loki, why are there so many knives in your house?" Anushka asked as she looked around.

"Uhhh... because... I'm a murderer... A HUMAN ONE!" Todd said hurriedly.

"Understandable" Anushka said, strolling around the house.

"If you aren't Loki, why do you have so many cats?" Anushka asked again, stroking a ginger kitten.

"Because I am an old, crazy cat lady wearing Todd's skin"

"If you aren't Loki, why do you have the tesseract on display in your living room?"

"THAT'S ENOUGH QUESTIONS!" Todd (Loki) screeched, startling Anushka.

"Ehehe..." he nervously laughed, before darting into his kitchen and coming out with a platter of cookies.

"Would you like one?" he asked, pushing the plate in her face.

Anushka eyed the treats warily, they were covered in green icing, with gold lettering that said "Loki is low-key".

She snorted, "You really aren't low-key".

"Yes I am, you have no idea that I'm Loki of Asgard about to poison you with my cookies, you think I'm Todd".

"..."

"Crap" Now confirmed Loki muttered.

"Thanks for the cookies, but I'd rather wake up, bye bye" Anushka said before vanishing before a very astonished Loki.

The End

What the hell did I write

[prorevenge]

Abusive EX-Stepfather: Pro-Revenge That Was 20 Years Tn The Making.

TRIGGER WARNING: This story is based around physical abuse, if this bothers you, please keep that in mind. Thank you, and I'm sorry that is based around that, but these things happen a lot.

TLDR: At the end

Back Story:

My mother married my horrid step-father (we will call him DB = douche bag) when I was 3 years old. He never accepted me in the home, because I wasn't his child. He would literally call me red-headed step-child. (I had red hair at the time) Just so he could use the "joke" of "Beat you like a red-headed step-child". He would beat me, verbally abuse me, and drop me off at his "friend's" house so I could be abused and he got money for it.

He is an absolutely awful, evil man.

I left home at 12 to go live with my biological father to get away from him (he has recently broken my nose), and so DB started abusing my younger brother and sister. I didn't know this until a few years later (he had never abused them before I left, just me).

BTW: I am 4'9" 26 year old woman...I'm fairly small (this will come into play later on).

Here Begins The Pro-revenge:

So after leaving my mother (about 4 years ago) DB got remarried right away to a gorgeous woman (with money) who was a cancer survivor with two teenaged girls. I saw the problems with this right away, but it wasn't really my place to do anything (yet). So all I could do was warn the woman about him. BUT since he is so smooth with his manipulations, she didn't believe me.

One day I got a call from my mother, saying DB had come by to get some of his things. While there DB and my (13 y/o at the time) brother got into an argument...and somehow my brother "fell down" the concrete stairs and busted the back of his head open. Brother was being rushed to the hospital, so I headed that way immediately.

He now has slight brain damage but he was healing up fairly well. After he got out of the hospital, we all suggested he stay with our aunt (my moms sister). So he did. By this time he had a restraining order against DB and we hadn't seen or heard from him, which is good.

About 4 days into his stay at our Aunts, his cellphone rang with a number none of us knew. When brother answered it was DB, and he was livid. We could all hear DB over the phone as he was yelling every word. Saying he was going to come "take HIS son back home" and that DB "has had enough of this over dramatic babying of his son! His head will be fine!"

I set my hand out and brother hands me the phone.

ME: "If you come anywhere near him, we will have the police on your ass so fast you won't even catch a glimpse of brother." I said this in a calm but firm voice. DB huffs and hangs up.

We figured that would be the end of it. DB wouldn't be stupid enough to violate the restraining order right??

WRONG.

About an hour later DB whips into the drive way and begins stomping up to the door. I have myself parked right in front of the door.

DB: MOVE!! I'M HERE TO GET MY SON!! YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM FROM ME!!!

ME: Oh yes, we certainly can.

By this point my uncle had already called the police and is now recording us. I'm no so sure that DB noticed. DB yelled at me again.

DB: MOOOVVVEEEE NOW!!!

ME: There is no way in hell that I am letting you in. You will just have to go through me.

DB: Fine. By. Me.

He says monotoned staring me down with a look that could kill a demon.

WHAM!!

The first punch landed in my stomach, the second made contact with my chest and the third missed most of my body.

[In the state I am in, it is considered self defense if they have hit or swung at you 3 times. BTW I also have two black belts]

CRACK!!

I palm healed (hit with the bottom part of the palm of my hand) him in the pelvis. Causing that little piece of cartilage that holds your pelvis together....to bust. So the bones in his pelvis fell together and he collapsed. He couldn't walk, sit, or stand.

When the cops arrive, he begins to wail about the pain and how he wants to press charges for assault. But my uncle has the video showing that it was self defense. (I don't ever start fights, but I'm damn well gonna try to finish them).

Uncle showed the video to the officer and I let him know about the restraining order and why it is in place.

The officer begins then to read DB his rights as he gets into the ambulance.

So after about 6-8 months, he had surgery twice to try to fix his pelvis, but to this day he still walks with a limp and a cane. And I hope each step reminds him of what he has done.

Revenge over right??

WRONG... ;)

I did some research on him and apparently he had been dating, his now wife, way before he and my mother got divorced; however DB had been telling wife that he was already divorced and she believed him.

He was also hadn't told her about his criminal record or me. ;)

So I dug up any scrap of anything that I could use as evidence against him, to show his new wife, so she could see how he really is. He apparently had also told her, he limps because he has "bad arthritis".

The two of them frequented a vape shop in my town, and so a plan formed. I grabbed up all my evidence and went to the vape shop to wait.

They finally came through the door, and I went up to "say hi".

ME: Hello DB. How are you?

DB: OP! What are you doing here....(in a kind of sheepish voice)

Wife: Honey, who is this?

DB: She's my...She was my...errr...

ME: Hi, I'm the reason he limps, its lovely to meet you.

Her eyes got as big as dinner plates as she turned her gaze on him.

She went to say something but stopped...still in disbelief.

ME: Oh and I have a surprise for you!

I say in a sweet sing, song voice as I hand her the folder full of evidence such as : Divorce papers proving he was lying and cheating, testimonies from my siblings and I about how he is in the home, and his criminal record spelled out. I even threw in one of his mug shots, just like the cherry on top.

She sat at one of the tables and was reading through everything and she was shaking with anger, I feel sorry for her but she CAN do much much better.

So he is now divorced (again), broke (no job), living with his mother, and will limp for the rest of his life.

Pro-Revenge Completed.

TLDR: My step-father was abusive when we were kids. When we got older he bashed my brother's head. So I made his wife divorce him as well as I gave him a limp he has to deal with from now on.

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 7x06 character brain dump

Wherein I attempt to collate my thoughts on the characters, in approximate order of the number of fucks I give about them at this point haha!

Felicity

Where to start?  Our Queen is KILLING it (almost literally for a minute there...phew!) this season and this episode continues to impress, damn she is taking everything down this year and I am living for it!  She is still managing to straddle being the light-emitting cupcake with bad bitch burning the world to the ground in that perfect Felicity way she has about her.  I was so impressed with her approach to the Anatoly situation; he is a wanted criminal and Bratva Pakhan...he can look out for himself just fine DIGGLE *through gritted teeth*!  She got the job done, Anatoly came out relatively unscathed (after she had already rescued him btw), and she still took the time to check up on him.  She is taking on the world to protect William and free Oliver and will do whatever it takes to do so and I love that.  I am still surprisingly really enjoying her working with BS, cos let’s face it, her other ‘friends’ are shit this year.  Felicity is arguably the most forgiving person in this show due to her enormous heart and capacity for empathy that few seem to share at the minute, so if BS stands any chance of ‘redemption’, Felicity will be leading the charge.  Would she have pulled the trigger on Diaz?  Not sure.  Do I wish she had?  Oooooh it would have been interesting!!  And her face when she hears Oliver is being released???  The relief, the happiness, the tear...uggghh Emily is so so good this year!!  I could go on and on about how awesome Felicity was this episode, but I won’t cos wow this is gonna be a long one haha!  

Bonus mention for Future Felicity...the fern!!...Oliver’s (tennis)balls!!...sending Will to Lian Yu to get Roy to shoot Oliver’s (tennis)balls??....Slight overkill for a dead woman.  100% sure she is still alive in the future timeline!  Oh and NOT EVIL...duh, it’s Felicity!!

Oliver

I LOVED Oliver’s conversations with BS in this episode (who knew that would ever be a thing I'd enjoy?!).  Much as I am enjoying BS this year, it’s still hilarious to see the shade (finally) directed at Fake Laurel.  Oliver tells her she’s not E1 Laurel, she’s not a real lawyer, she’s responsible to Diaz being loose...STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!  Much as we all know Felicity can take care of herself, especially this year, I will never tire of Protective!Oliver, he loves her soooo much!  I think he’s in for a shock when he’s released (released in more ways than one hopefully 😉😉), as to the new dynamics outside, and the fierce new wife he now has!  I am super interested to see Oliver’s take on criminals and the justice system once he is out...he has developed a real empathy for the inmates over the last few episodes, and he looked so pleased, and dare I add grateful, at the investigation into the facility that BS arranged and how it would benefit the people still in Slabside.

In other news, this week Detective Queen investigates a murder and rats out the wrong inmate...oh STAN!!  We been knew!

Flash Forward Oliver...where is he??  Is he ‘dead’ too?  I think they could be trying to let us think this too, as no-one is asking about him AT ALL, and Felicity supposedly went dark?  Maybe they’re up teaching together in the big vigilante school in the sky....suuuure!

Black Siren

I think Boss Beth has achieved the unthinkable this year and made me care about, and actually be interested in Black Siren!  I don’t want to hate characters for the sake of hating them, but Laurel (and BS) was truly unlikeable and horribly written under MG’s watch.  She will never be my favourite, but look at her in third place as to characters I wanted to write about after this episode (Diggle who?)!  I wasn’t really on board with the redemption arc they seem to be crafting for her; I thought previously that she played far better as a campy villain-type....however, they are handling her so well this season that I find myself rooting for her more often than I am shouting at the TV at her!  She had the best breakthrough near the end of the episode when she told Oliver that she isn’t their LL, and isn’t trying to be E1 LL anymore, she is doing this for herself, but I guess that doesn’t mean her motives are entirely self-serving or not for the greater good.  She wants to try and be a ‘hero’, but keeps reverting back to old ways...so let her be the new Malcolm, I’m cool with that!

I think the biggest reason I’m enjoying BS is her relationship with Felicity...write a strong connection to Felicity and people will pay attention; she’s the heart of the show for most of us.  Is BS best mates with Felicity now?  No, but she is the only one who has been there for her consistently this whole season because they have a common goal of taking down the Lizard; Felicity to protect her family and save the city, and BS as revenge for last season and to avenge Quentin...and that puts her on my good list.  Once Lizard Boy is out of the picture (clearly it isn’t over, we saw the trailer for next week), who knows what their relationship will be like, but I’m betting Felicity won’t just forget about people who are ultimately trying to do good, despite their past (Oliver anyone?!)

Now I need to stop gushing about BS cos it goes against everything I once believed in....

Diggle

Diggle doesn’t get a gif; he doesn’t deserve one.  I’m getting to a point whereby I will stop caring at all about him; I’m sure (I hope) that the writers are intentionally writing him this way as part of his story arc or some crap but seriously, it’s not working...STOP IT!  Dig, it seems, struggles with keeping women in boxes (not like Anatoly was this episode)...Felicity and Lyla are pure and good and heaven forbid they should ever cross the line he has drawn for them.  Enough, this is the man who killed his own brother to keep his family safe, who followed and encouraged Oliver in nearly all of his less than brilliant decisions over the years, but Felicity asks for some not-entirely-squeaky-clean help and it’s game over??...fuck off!  He actually had the audacity in this episode to say that Felicity cut him out?  He is not of sound mind, or of this Earth, for sure lol!

I love John Diggle, I want him back please.

Anatoly

Oh Uncle Anatoly!  I think we’ve seen the last of him for the foreseeable future now haven’t we?  His parting gift of (rather happily) likening Felicity to Bratva!Oliver, and handing her a gun to kill Diaz with was....sweet??...in his own special way!

Future people 

I loved Roy and Dinah lamenting over how old they were haha!  Future Will continues to be Felicity’s biggest fan, even though she ‘abandoned’ him.  Thea is totally dead isn’t she?

NTA

Rene didn’t feature too much this week...I don’t mind that, I like him this year in small doses, and he continues (ish) to be one of the few people there for Felicity this year.  He has a total hard-on for the new GA still which is cute.

Dinah seems to have softened a bit with regards to Felicity and BS, and I awwwed at her stopping BS from killing the judge and kind of calling her a hero (even though she killed Vince..still a bit odd tbh).

I could literally list every extra rando inmate in with Oliver, thugs that beat up Anatoly, the box Anatoly was locked in, Lizard, Lizard’s socks...before I get to the lack of shits given about Curtis.  They missed his bday....bitch please!!  And then he tries to take credit for everyone working together at the end....errr no, that was what Felicity was trying to do since 7x01, only you all bailed on her, dickhead!

Sorry to end on a rant, but I really did enjoy this episode....really really!!

[goodguidanceptc]

Louisville IM Race Report October 14, 2018

Welcome coaches, training buddies, close friends and masochists/insomniacs. As with prior race reports, be warned that this post contains STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Abstract:

Read the Athlete Guide. Always. Miserable cold and wet conditions. Water temp warmer than air temp, wetsuit legal. Absurd Swim (shortened due to aggressive current); T1 was all about gear choices; Adequate Bike under demanding conditions; T2 was also all about gear choices; Tough Run. Two key takeaways: 1) Read the Athlete Guide; 2) I haven't quite properly calibrated in-race fueling.

Total race time result = 10:18*

* Under grossly dis-humane weather conditions and my own flubs, that is a good result...with which I am completely unsatisfied. A no-surprise, well-managed bike and a somewhat uneven run (matched stand-alone marathon result). Feel free to stop reading now.

Pre-Race (aka: “the Dumbening”)

I cannot emphasize strongly enough: no matter how many races you’ve done, how confident you may be in knowing the procedures, the timing, the places, etc... read and re-read the Athlete Guide.

So although I cannot provide details, just know that I--through my own dumbness--was told to acquire my timing chip in T1 after an official manually noted my swim start time, while standing on the dock to jump into the Ohio River. Clearly communicated in multiple places: check-in closes at 5pm Friday. 

Brief rewind: woke up, standard pre-race breakfast, uneventful gear check and load bottles onto bike, walked over to Swim in. Shoulda found an IM staffer then, but didn’t think. Just didn't think it through; too cold and pre-race- process oriented. Got a little tunnel vision to get to the front of the self-seeded “1-1:10″ swim line. 

Announcer: The current is so strong, some of the pros were struggling to get up river. Swim shortened to .9 mile, in other words an Olympic distance. Race delayed. 

Some squats to stay warm, chat up some folks in line, never once thought to go  get my chip before passing though that big black arch.

Swim (:18 min or 1:18/100 pace)

I swear to you by all the barge traffic and catfish whiskers in the Ohio River, there is no way I was in that river for 18 minutes. More on this in T1. Feet first into the river, sight that first buoy and...

Ever look through a kaleidoscope? Or imagine a Disney version of puke from a flying whale?  The view from my goggles was: 

[Kayaks + swim caps + buoys]

X

(river current exceeding posted speed limits) 

= 

flying Disney whale puke (as I imagine it rendered)

Just utter chaos. I aimed for the big wall, hit the metal steps and out. To quote one of my training partners, “My hair barely got wet.”

T1 (9:20)

Up the steps and skipped the peelers. Rationale: stay as warm as possible as long as possible. Jogged to changing tent, quickly passed the clumping “under 1 hour” swimmers, grabbed a chair near the exit.

Decision time on what to wear and how much skin to cover for the bike. I went with 100% coverage. Socks, thermal legs, long sleeves, gloves, balaclava. Plastic bag under the jersey and five of those little hand warmers hunters use (squeeze and shake for 6+ hours warming) in my back jersey pockets.

Out to bike rack, unhook and... it’s find-my-chip time. Found an IM staffer who radioed multiple people before finally sending me past the Bike Out arch to where the chip folks were.

I.  Stood. There.  Forrr -- evv -- errr. 

Trying to alleviate my own frustration and anxiety, I literally put my head in my hands and made Hulk sounds.

Now, even in my adrenalized and hyper-performance-oriented state, I remember that I brought this shit on myself. So any expectation of special treatment, expedited problem-solving or what I call the lack of a “hop to!” by IM staffers simply cannot be criticized.  This crapola? All.  On.  Me.

Furthermore, I'm grateful. (Check prior race reports, if you must. OR just trust me when I say that...) I thank all the volunteers and cops and EMTs and Traffic Management and general staff within earshot. No matter what speed I’m biking or running. Seriously. I’m all about appreciation.

All that said, Swim and T1 times are clearly inaccurate. Although IM staff noted the time of day I jumped into the water, another IM staffer wrote my time on a clipboard when they activated my chip and yet another other IM staff told me they’d estimate my T1 time. But I didn’t know precisely where to go in T1. So I lingered.

[So again: read the Athlete Guide.]

And if you are ever in that situation--which I guaran-frikkin-tee you I will NEVER be--I recommend you DO NOT stop to ask questions. Continue until you happen upon the chip folks. Worst case: you miss them and back track... the biking equivalent of going back to get dropped nutrition.

Bike (5:43)

While I definitely did not feel myself relax heading down River Road, I did feel a certain familiar comfort. I’d ridden this course a few times so even in the cold, wet wind, I was pretty confident I could manage the bike.

In the spirit of gratitude, whether passing or getting passed, I try to say something positive (looking good, go git some, stay strong).

Even on a hilly course, I ended up pacing with a few others. I try to be sensitive to any ‘gamesmanship’ (I’m not trying to get in your head competitively) but I'm definitely chatty. And the cold and wet just invited comment, even if only to distract from the misery.

Stick out and first loop was uneventful other than the number of people shivering on the sides of the route. Second loop had more than a few cars on course that seemed patient and considerate (relatively, IMO) but still required careful negotiations.

A FEW FIRSTS FOR ME

BLINDING ANGER. I admit I might have been “kicking the cat” but I’ve never experienced this on course.

On the back side of the loop, in the narrow stretch of blacktop through the small neighborhood just after the long descent out of La Grange, there’s short, steep descent with a well-marked/painted “BUMP” before a short, steep uphill. I’m a technically strong and confident cyclist so getting through here on the first loop was a piece of cake. Second time though, there was a hefty pack of windbreakers weaving(!) across the entire width of the road. Despite shouting “on your left” repeatedly and loudly, I had to brake. On an uphill. Dropped my chain. Nearly fell. Unclipped.  All in the tiny 8ish yards of that short ascent. 

What did I do? Stood there trying to get my chain back on and swearing profusely that dickhead bucket-listers with fucking no fucking business fucking leaving their fucking strip-mall periodontist practices should fucking learn to handle their goddamn bikes.

As I passed them on the descent towards the hay-bale bullseye, I gently advised them about blocking, race etiquette and having some goddamn self-awareness. In my defense, I averaged very nearly 20mph that day. And when I accidentally felt somebody too close as they passed, I always apologized. In retrospect, I’m sorry I was that guy right then. 

PROFOUND SOLITUDE Stay with me as I get a little bing-bongy here... At the split to repeat the loop or return on the stick, most folks (the fat part of the bell curve) go left for their second loop.  I was returning on the stick. 

Suddenly I was not saying or hearing “on your left” or listening for the difference between aero wheels or a passing car. 

I was alone. Like the guy in that Robert Frost poem. Miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. And the mental chatter started. Cold. Grey. Wet. Stupid. Wasteful. What ego on you, chump. Clips from Moby Dick, Chapter 96. Burning ship, drove on to some vengeful deed. Gloom. There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. ee cummings A Leaf Falls. 

[Stop wasting your time with this race report. Go read some actual writers.]

Even my mantras had abandoned me. I may have started singing or rapping something from my training playlist to shut down the negative chatter. And that’s about when I realized how well I was managing this bike leg. I think that’s called a paradox.

DON’T BLOW IT NOW Somewhere along one of the last ascents, I realized that I’d dressed properly! Coach Robbie’s advice for plastic grocery bag was spot on. Sure the toes and fingers were cold, but functional. Ears and neck felt okay and core temp was a non-issue. I wondered if I’d taken enough calories (thought: probably) but come on! I’d handled some real shitball conditions pretty well. 

T2 (8:49)

Pulled off everything soaking wet except kit shorts. Replaced with dry thermal long-sleeve top, dry hat, dry gloves. Run belt, bottle, dry socks, shoes. Go.

While neither T1 or T2 were very fast, I really didn’t linger in the warmth. I remember thinking, “Take two deep breaths, make this decision and move it.” In other words, time was spent actually changing clothes.

BTW, Transition volunteers? True Guardian Bros. Can’t thank em enough.

Run (3:58 aka: avg 9:03/mi)

Two MAJOR joyous moments within the first mile:

1) As we’d pre-planned, my unbelievably awesome wife told me I was 18 minutes behind a podium slot. She told me later that I barked, “FUCK!” Regardless, I steal a kiss every race.  Better than a GU and just as sweet. [Yes she reads these. Wink!] 

2) Coincidentally, she was standing a few feet from Coach Robbie (C26), who I recognized but accidentally called Mike (his podcast co-host who I knew was on course). I think I shook his hand? Or maybe just shouted a happy shout?

So those two intercepts helped make the first 25% of the run all good.  I kept turning down the pace because, as Coach Robbie has said, “your legs are lying to you.”

Then all that good ju-ju abandoned me like buoys on the Ohio River on the backside of the first loop.

I’d dropped my Infinit before finishing the entire first 24oz bottle. Why not stop and get it? I got no good rational answer. Ditched hat and gloves and actually rolled up my sleeves. My legs and shoes were soaked. (Walk-peeing wasn’t doing me any favors.) 

I felt better once I had another bottle from my Special Needs bag, but by then I’d already burned my biscuits (another C26 gem) so I was well below my planned and expected 8:40/mile pace.

I may have even cried a little. Apologies to extremely helpful volunteer who graciously ignored a grown-ass man losing his shit. I KNOW i was talking to myself, “It’s all in your head. Move it.” and other more terrible words.

The last 25% in-bound was an exercise in utter stubbornness. Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade and tons of verbal self-flagellation to keep going. I sincerely believe I passed two guys in my AG out of pure self-loathing.

The Fourth Street Live finish lived up to the hype. There’s photographic evidence that I actually smiled as I crossed and nearly collapsed (again, super kudos to the volunteers). I was wheeled straight to medical, shivering and borderline shock-ey. Broth, blankets, checked vitals (core temp too low). As planned, Susan brought me multiple layers of dry clothes. Changed. Got my mental shit together after finding out I’d finished 16th. Gold star to Al V., the med tent massage therapist. Another Guardian Bro.  Limped home.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: PASS

As with prior races, IM-LOU yielded incremental improvements in all racing phases. As I said at the top, this was a good result, with which I am completely unsatisfied.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly yes. 

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

There is clearly opportunity for additional incremental improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim pace was an anomaly. 3x/wk in the lap pool could be improved by 2x/wk in endless pool.

Bike power was lost due to shitass Garmin tech. But from what I remember, I was mostly high Z2 with relatively few power spikes given the course and conditions. I definitely managed the bike with patience and smarts.

Run suffered due to fueling strategy that is just not... quite...perfected. And again, deplorable conditions.

Fuel strategy. I over corrected from IM-AZ (early run GI problems). Calories, liquids (no solids) and delivery method feels right. Timing around T2 needs tweaking.

Transitions were what they were. MY dumbassery in T1 was offset by my smart gear decisions.

See you in New Zealand in March, 2019!

WITH GRATITUDE FOR...

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Klebacha and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam, the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list but special GOLD STARS to LIZ and LAURA) and other triathlete rockstars like Nic, Dana, Andrew, John, James, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Louisville Landsharks.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

Special thanks and appreciation to Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support. Extra special Top Marks to Bernie!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. Thanks for reading.

[strangefingers]

The Wolf 359 finale was A Lot. I was distracted most of Christmas Day waiting for it to release, and then stayed up past my Mandatory 10 PM Old Person Bedtime to finish listening to it. Overall, things turned out... better than anticipated? In terms of the level of hopefulness. The story had some Big Picture plot points that it didn’t or couldn’t resolve before the end, but I'd figured that would be the case.

I’m really going to miss listening to this show.

Here are my final thoughts on everyone. This is pretty long.

Eiffel - Well, I’ll just say upfront that I was never the biggest fan of Eiffel. I don’t like narratives that center around bumbling, “comically” inept men. He had his moments, and I didn’t hate him, but I was always impatient to move on to other characters. But I do like the huge amount of Trust he developed for Minkowski, Lovelace, and Hera, as well as his camaraderie with Hera. It’s kind of refreshing to have the Main Male Protagonist defer to so many women in the cast, hahaha. He was instrumental for, uhh, “defeating” Pryce, but he didn’t actually DO anything; he was just the vector by which a plan was implemented. What happened to him didn’t feel especially Narratively Satisfying, but, I don’t know. It’s hard to think of a more satisfying outcome/plot role for Eiffel would even be.

Minkowski - I always really wanted Minkowski to become more confident and commanding. I like that Lovelace was such a big part of Minkowski’s transformation, and that they repeatedly proved how powerful they were as a team. There were a couple of moments that I particularly liked in this episode: when Minkowski gets everyone to back down after they give her shit for ejecting Eiffel into space without consulting them, and when she repeatedly shoots Cutter even after he’s proven he can catch bullets, hahaha. And then, of course, the harpOON. I hope Minkowski gets to enjoy a comfortable life with her husband and her brand new wife, Isabel Lovelace. 

Lovelace - Lovelace is my Fave, but I’m a little bitter that she had to continue struggling for her autonomy during the finale. I mean, I wasn’t surprised, but it’s too bad that she has to go through that. We already know that Lovelace is tough, and stubborn, and has incredible willpower; constantly making her demonstrate those qualities by subjecting her to the literal control of other beings is, like. Not the best thing to do to a black woman. And then she passed out and, hmm, I dunno, I dunno. Lovelace is still facing a lot of Big Questions at the end. The aliens are still out there, and she’s one of them, and what is she supposed to do with that? And she also has to take on the rest of Goddard now? Like, damn, I just want this poor woman to get some rest. 

Hera - Damn, Hera is my favorite AI character in any story. The narrative really threw a lot of shit at her, but it also allowed her to be petty, vengeful, and imperfect, and encouraged the audience to empathize with her even when she was at her worst. It’s nnnnot very common for stories to have a “female” character fuck up so regularly and still be seen as not just sympathetic but genuinely heroic and vital. Hera was allowed to be angry and to hold grudges, and to act in sometimes detrimental ways as a result, without her feelings being invalidated. Her ultimate success, even at a very great cost, felt like it’d been well earned. However, I was genuinely surprised that Maxwell didn’t end up having more of a role in that outcome! More on that in Maxwell’s section.

Hilbert - The least successful of the main cast, not just because he failed to grab me as a Character, but because his narrative didn’t even tie well into the finale. The Decima virus ended up being a feature of the Ultimate Plan, sure, but none of Hilbert’s, errr, character “growth” was really present or identifiable in the last episode. Hilbert did terrible things in the name of “improving” the world; so, what was the result of that, really? Nothing? The Decima virus just turned out to be bad, the improvements to Eiffel’s health were actually because of aliens, etc. And that will-he-won’t-he plotline about Hilbert preserving his memory didn’t really go anywhere. Maybe the implication was that Hilbert did send his memories back to Goddard, and that’s what enabled them to finalize their Global Destruction plan, but that wasn’t directly addressed, and the flashbacks to Hilbert didn’t feel like they meant anything, since he didn’t have any other influence on the finale. I really kept expecting that the copy of his memories would be used in some way; like, Hera would be able to somehow access them and they could be used to some advantage. I dunno. I feel like the narrative changed in a way that no longer accommodated the original plans for Hilbert, and he just vanished from the narrative because he didn’t fit it anymore. He seemed like a “first draft” character, someone who would have gone through a lot of revisions in the editing process if Wolf 359 had been written as a novel instead of a podcast.

Maxwell - SPEAKING OF WHICH. I don’t know where this idea came from, but I somehow convinced myself that Maxell would resurface as some kind of ghost in the machine. She figured out how to interact directly with Hera’s “brain”; I was certain that Maxwell might have made an AI version of herself that would later activate to help Hera defeat Pyrce, and to give closure to Hera about what had happened between them, and maybe even to have more closure with Jacobi and Kepler. I don’t know why I thought that; there weren’t any story hints about it! It just made sense to me, and I’m kind of disappointed that my totally arbitrary theory didn’t happen, hahaha. Sorry, Maxwell!! 

Kepler - I mean. There was no way Kepler was going to live. In fact, I thought he was going to die within a couple episodes of Pryce & Cutter’s arrival. Every time he was “on screen,” I tensed up with the expectation that he might die at any moment. And, like, as long as he was the Primary Antagonist, I wanted him to die. But as soon as he got downgraded to Secondary Antagonist, I became really defensive of him. Once he was given his new hand, I figured that he would do something heroic for the Good Side before he died, and I didn’t think that he was really on Pryce & Cutter’s side. I can’t believe the dumb bastard died because of monologuing, though. He just didn’t know when to shut the fuck up. What a fucking idiot. But, that said, it was obviously painful for him to walk away from Jacobi that last time. I was so sad for him when he said that he was on Jacobi and Minkowski’s side, even if they didn’t know it. 

Jacobi - I fucking. I can’t believe this gay idiot survived an explosion by, like, ducking. And then saved everyone off screen while grievously injured. What a wild fucking dude. I can’t believe I consider him one of my faves now. The way he chased down Kepler and Young to yell at him and try to convince them to change sides was a really good performance. And it felt very personal. He was ostensibly talking to both of them, but he was really choosing words that would mean the most to Kepler. Jacobi.... loved him. Despite himself. And I think he could figure out that Kepler had done something to help them all. Jacobi lost two people that he cared about very much, and I hope he’s going to be okay.

Young - Boring.

Reimann? Ryman?? - What was his deal? Boring.

Pryce - ...Was the sympathetic backstory supposed to make her Not Dying seem like a good thing? I’m. I don’t know. I never developed any particular feelings about Pryce, and found her style of antagonism kind of cringey,

Cutter - Also cringey, but more interesting when he lost his cool. Like. What was he after, exactly??? I know he told us that he wanted humans who would perfectly obey orders or whatever, but. What. Was the point of that?? Just regular old world domination fantasies? I may have missed some details. I love that he got harpooned. 

So, like. There are still Aliens to worry about, and what it means to be a Real Person, and the rest of Goddard, and... all sorts of stuff. But more people survived than anticipated, so!

I’m really going to miss this show.

[aylamoenwyb]

In-depth Profile, Ayla Moenwyb

Note:Stolen/taken from @subetei-noykin 

♪Through all the tumult and the strife,I hear its music ringing, It sounds an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing? ♪

IDENTIFICATION —

·         Full Name: Ayla Moenwyb Solaire

·         Pronunciation: Eye-la

·         Pseudonym: none

·         Nicknames: Moon, Queen, Mistress 

·         Age: Twenty-Five Cycles (Immortal)

·         Name Day: 1st Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon

·         Birthplace: Tumet Winter Tribal grounds, Azim Steppe

·         Guardian: Menphina, the Lover 

·         Residence: Goblet Crewhouse, Lavender Bed Home, Crimson Phoenix

REFERENCES —

·         Motto:  “My Mother had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.” –Laurell K Hamilton

·         Theme Song: How can I keep from Singing (linked above)

·         Face Claim: Ayla wasn’t designed to look like anyone specific.  Still, this image overall is roughly her build, look, and aesthetic

STATS —

·         Gender: Female

·         Race: AuRa, Xaela, formerly of the Tumet Tribe

·         Height: 5’3’’

·         Weight: One-hundred and three ponz

·         Eyes: Jade green with Crimson Limnal Rings 

·         Hair: Platinum Blonde with Honey streaks highlighting her face 

·         Skin: Alabaster skin set off against obsidian scaling.

·         Build: A soft, slender athletically curvy frame.  Petite.

·         Scars: She is ‘unmarkable’ due to her vampire regeneration and healing.

·         Tattoos/Marks: A paw shaped brand on the inside of her left ankle that                 only remains due to being burned into her skin during a rare loss of her               vampiric powers.

At First Glance (+5)

A Siren: Her skill with a bow is only triumphed with her beauty and grace upon the stage.  She can weave songs and stories into spells that enchant and entice and has been known to be able to tame even the strongest inner demons and beasts with the power of her voice and dance.  A quick-witted flirt, who isn’t above using her sex appeal to catch the eyes and interest of her next meal…err ‘dinner date.’  Though while both her songstress and vampire sides rely on her ability to enrapture and capture, she is, not predatory by nature.

 Maternal: Wife of a seafaring Captain with a crew filled with powerful pirates ranging from succubus to void mages to monster inside me types, it is seldom quiet around their home or group hangouts.  Someone has to be the voice of reason, the mediator. And so while she wants typically nothing to do with brawling or scraping or stepping in between two raging xaelic men, someone has to and often the responsibility to maintain the peace falls upon her. On the other side of the coin, she is often the most informed member of the crew, and the one they are most often willing to pull aside for a soft heartfelt conversation or advice.  She’s quick to give a hug or verbal lashing in equal measure.  

 Vampire: As a young, naive new actress, she fell in love with the company’s tall, dark and handsome bodyguard.  Over time, they would marry, and to spare him the pain of watching her grow old and one day die as he remained ageless, she agreed to be turned.  A vampire she became.  But unlike so many of her contemporaries, her pure-hearted reasons for turning, and her lack of power lust in general did not create in her a dark, predatory killing machine.  Yes, she still needs to drink blood to feed, avoid the sun and other typically vampire like things, but her power and over charged aether, instead of being transferred into might or destructive power, is instead used to cast potent healing spells, time and escape magic.  She is protective, and while she has killed some victims in her feeding, she now has the control and self-assuredness to simply incapacitate them, take what she needs and then leave them with a hell of a headache to wake to the next morning.

 Healer: Combining her Song-weaving skills with the surplus of aether she gains from feeding, she is a potent and skilled healer.  Her caring and soft-hearted nature also lend to being concerned about the well-being and safety of others.  Because she is immortal and hard to truly kill, she has been known to sacrifice her own well-being and safety to take a shot or blow or risk for someone else.  She also has skill and knowledge of the stars, alchemy, and plants from her tribal and nomadic upbringing.

 Insular/Private: She married probably one of the most gregarious and charismatic men one could meet in her Captain.  And in doing so, and her constant presence at his side, she has been pulled out of her shade and shadows literally into his orbit and sun. Sometimes, errr often, it gets too loud and noisy for her there and she has to rush off to one of her spots of solitude where she can unwind, think and create and find her focus.  Most people who meet her, see her performance persona or her authorities shades she needs to don to share her craft or stand at her Captain’s side, assisting with the running of a large crew.  She can be forceful, and loud and domineering, but it’s out of character for her naturally and drains her quickly.  Still, people thinking she is bossy and proud works in her favor as she’s not one to quickly speak of her own personal concerns, focusing instead on those of the people around her and their needs.  Being invited to chat with her over port and snacks in front of her fire is a rare invitation indeed.  

FACTS —

♪They tell me he’s poor.

They tell me he’s young.

I tell them all, to hold their tongue.

If they could part the sand from sea,

They ne’er could part, my love from me. ♪

·         Occupation:”Queen” Right hand of the Goldbrand,                                              Songstress/Performer, Musician, Healer

·         Specialties: Healing, Archery, Escape, Listening, Music, Storytelling,                  Soothing, Bunny Magic

·         Skills: Singing, Storytelling, Instrumentalist, Medicine, Natural Healing 

PROFICIENCY —

·         Education: Her Tribe (Tumet), Adoptive Mother, Self-taught

·         Favored Weapon(s): Her wit. Bow.

·         Secondary Weapon(s): Bite

·         Magic Abilities: Healing, Time Magic, Escape Magic

·         Magic Strengths: Healing

RELATIONS —

·         Sexual Preference: Bi-sexual with a preference for men

·         Romantic Identification: Loyal

·         Relationship Status: Mated

·         Sweet on: Kuro

·         Alignment: Chaotic Good

·         Allies: Goldbrand, Spies in different Grand Companies, Mercenaries,                  Tavern Owners, Patrons.

·         Enemies: Vampire Hunters, Rival Pirates

FAMILY —

·         Maternal: Her adoptive mother, Byldalona, a Roegadyn woman who                    rescued her when her tribal trial went awry.

·         Parental: Shona and Batu were her birth parents. She was born a                        member of the Tumet tribe, part of the ‘Rose’ Clan.  Her birth father and              mother are but distant memories to her now, but she carries still the tribal            dagger her father gave her.  

·         Mentor: Her adoptive mother, Byldalona, and her husband and Captain,              Kuro Soliare.   

·         Associates: People of the Alliance with the Goldbrand and Contacts.

          Kuro Soliare (Husband, Lover, Protector, Mentor, Adored)

          Crew(Friends)

♪Easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay♪

MENTALITY —

·         Social Level: Exotic, Charming, Seductive, Witty, Mentor, Soft, Sensitive

·         Optimistic View(s): We all have the power to make the world around us              a  little prettier.   

·         Pessimistic View(s): We are often heard but seldom listened to.

·         One  Positive Personality Trait: She speaks truthfully….even the truths            we don’t wish to hear.

·         One Negative Personality Trait: Her straightforward nature and need to            keep others in good health and spirits can be mistaken as pushy and                    overbearing.  She can be relentless. .

·         ·One Personality Warning: Threatening her Captain’s Safety (so crew                 typically by default here too) or her sister’s. She’s also defensive of those             she keeps in her care.  

·         Random Quirk: She often bites her lip. It happens for various reasons,                but commonly, amusement, shyness, unsureness, worry or pain can lead            to catching her biting her lip.  

·         Hobbies: Writing, Singing, Studying and learning, Collecting rare herbs              and flowers.

·         Addictions: Blood-aether.

·         Habits: Lip biting, fleeing if pressured. Hiding in the Shadows.

·         Pleasures: Port wine, Cuddles by the fire, fine music, dancing, Captain,              Knowledge, Cool Starlit Groves, heart-felt gestures

Appreciates (List 5+)

Port Wine Discipline Flowers especially Sakurasou Flowers and Roses Pets Wildlife Bunny’s Stuffies  Praise Culture Lions Love  Music Learning/Knowledge  Teaching  Companionship  Order Mysticism Magic Poetry Rules

 Dislikes (List 5+) Arrogance Discrimination Loneliness Harm to Loved Ones Threats Mice

Strengths (List 5+)

Immortal Kindhearted Honest and Loyal Focused Supportive Resilient Kuro

Weaknesses (List 5+)

Relentless Opinionated Sunlight Kuro Maahes Self-doubt Emotional Flight Risk

Fears (List 5+)

Losing Kuro or his ‘real’ death.   Harm to Saya or another in her protection Not being able to bear a pain that would cause Maahes to be harmed. A naked honeymoon on a deserted treeless isle ;) Sha, the Lurker Champion kidnapping and torturing her once again. Mice

FAVORITES ––

·         Favorite Food(s): Captain Crunch ;) Port Wine, Chocolate, Berries,                    Steak, Whipped Cream.

·         Favorite Drink(s): Blood, Port.

·         Favorite Scent(s): Flowers, the woods after it rains, Campfires, her                    Captain when he returns from sea.  

·         Favorite Colors: Red, Black, Silver, White, Pink.  

TRIVIA - - None currently.

OOC -

Server: Balmung

Timezone: EST

Mun: Female

Experience: Roleplay Experience of 1.5years Writes in any format, matches length and complexity where possible. Will scene In-Game (When possible), Discord and other mediums as requested. I also am irl an actress and performer and teacher/mentor.  

Type of RP: Any/All, Mature and R-Rated themes included. Long-term Story-lines or One-shot scenes. Enjoys interacting with Canon and OC alike.

Looking for:

 Friends, Partners, Employers, Brothers or Sisters in Arms, Privateers and Pirates, Rivals or Antagonists. Performers, Bards, Entertainment Venues.

Tagging: @bryterbythenight @captainkurosolaire @renni-razormane @ayane-mayuzuma @shinji-calar @smolcatte 

-Or anyone.

[lasiiurus-archived]

thank you !

^^ dis gif isn't mine. but that's totally my face.

Here it is! This is my big dumb 'thank-you' post that I've been meaning to write. So if you weren't aware, I've actually closed this blog (aside from some random posts about Logan and a Batman Podcast - you should listen to it) due to some major, major problems with the DC fandom that I find toxic and quite frankly disgusting. But das stuff that sadly I can't change so I'm doing what's best for me and getting my ass outta here before my love for Batman is forever ruined by blind and immature fanboys.

i started writing bryce around about 2015. My first blog was called surgitisms but I changed it because someone made some burnbook callout about me copying someones url (I had no idea that blog existed rofl - surgit is latin for 'rise'). I then moved to rageinyourbones (shoutouts to joseph gordon levitt) where i spent most of my time, developing this character that wasn't even my idea - it was just a passing remark from a lovely actress by the name of Natalie Dormer. now as you're aware (and as i continually apologize for) i fucked up on that blog, and i've done my best to reach out and make amends with the people i offended (and they were super gracious and accepted my apology). but that negative bollocks aside, i grew up so much on that blog. i learned some amazing things about myself, i learned some bad things about myself, and most importantly i created a character that i personally believe is different to bruce wayne. i ended up headcannoning late at night, thinking about how she would act differently to bruce, about how she would interact with certain characters etc etc etc.

but what really made all the difference was the people i met.

you guys are fucking amazing. i mean lets be real - the tumblr rp community can be fucked sometimes. we've all seen it, but what i love is that we tend to (80% of the time) treat each other as real human beings and see that what we're really here for is just the love of these dumb fictional characters. they give us a break from the savagery of life and its endless woes. i am so, so so grateful and so so so blessed to have known the people i have on here. people whom i met on rageinyourbones and followed me across to here, and people whom i met here. holy bollocks im rambling - im just gonna tag some specific people who really really made my life on here so enjoyable. the rest i'll just lump into one big post because i'm lazy like that.

@fracturedportrait - harmony. i remember meeting you the first time. i remember it so clearly. you were so chill, so spunky (god i feel old using that word), and you had such a passion for your oc. i remember the first plot we had, the inspiration we shared... who knew that it was the beginning of my greatest friendship and my #1 OTP for bryce. you were the first person whom i ever actually spoke to off tumblr (remember when i called you?? and you heard my dumb aussie accent??). i remember legitimately getting teary over memes, i remember smiling so much during our threads, i remember (and still do) laugh about us talking about how our sin is like a lovely vintage of wine. your writing consistently, unimaginably, pushes and has pushed me to better mine. with every post you made, you helped improve my writing. you are such a blessing to me and i am not going to just let this stay as some dumb tumblr friendship. we'll face time, and i'll be sure to credit you when i'm on the red carpet with natalie dormer being like 'so what made you want to write this film about a female batman?'. i'll just be like 'yo there was this really cool chick who wrote a vampire and she told me to just write this film'.

@halysborn - SWAN. ho man. do you remember when i wrote that giant meta about how dick literally changed not just bryce's life, but bruce's? i firmly believe that dick is the most important character in bruce's life. and i mean i'm talking on the same level as alfred - even more. he's the TRUE son. the son whom saved him. like i just cry about how bruce says that line - 'sometimes i think i've never done any good in my life. then i look at dick and realize i'm wrong' or whatever that actual phrase is. i PHYSICALLY VOM WHEN PEOPLE SHIP THEM. but yo that's other stuff. what's important is that you have supported me selflessly and without strings. you've supported me here, you've supported me over on deshibcsara, you've just been a consistent rock, an unyielding foundation of encouragement. i still, and will NEVER delete that voice recording where you talk about me and my love for batman. it gives me such hope and reminds me that, yeah i fuck up, but i've at least affected someone else's life and how they see batman. my only regret is that i was so goddamn slow with replying to our stuff. and that was literally because i felt like you deserved nothing but my absolute best. you are incredible, and from one aussie to another, i love you brocookie!

@femmekill - could u pls stop spamming my facebook wall with memes?? SIKE I LIED. I FUCKING LOVE IT. my mum literally asked me the other night 'who is -insert your real name-?' and i was like 'oh thats my wife' and she was like '???' and i just said 'dont even BOTHER trying to understand'. you have been nothing but optimistic about me. you consistently, relentlessly see the good in me. i dont think there's ever been a time where like i've felt wronged by you? or at the very least felt like i was a burden to you? you never fail to spread positivity. even when you were feeling like shit and i tried to cheer you up, it's like you turned it on me and were like 'nah gus you're not cheering me up IM CHEERING YOU UP - thats how it works'. im so fucking whipped by you, because you're just such a blessing to my life. the day we shared FB's was like the day i realized 'WELP IM IN THIS MARRIAGE FOR LIFE NOW'. when it comes to your writing - i'm just breathless. the tumblr rp fandom does not deserve you. keep doing your thing man - don't ever let douchebag anons change that.

@marblebelow - I SINCERELY HOPE YOU STILL HAVE THE RECORDING OF ME SINGING 'THE CONFRONTATION'. especially with the 'DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN'. that shit is lit. yo but mikel really. the days of us writing together - writing fisk/bryce and then writing jim/bryce... i value it so much. you've taught me to pursue every little nuance in bryce's character. and i mean that - you ask me tiny little questions, and holy crap i end up going into a massive internal investigation. and worst of all (or best??) you jsut lavish me with genuine, kind words. i regret that we didnt get to write much more (both of us having major stress/overwhelmed issues), but dude, like, never stop being you - you have such overwhelming, unimaginable depths of creativity. even if you don't realize it, or feel like you don't, believe me - you do. it sounds like -- errr.... arrogant? but ive spent the last six years studying writing/fiction/film and just immersing myself in it so i feel like i have SOME credibility - you really really do have a gift.

@ivyworn - 'yes hello i'd like to report a murder? the victim is ME' aka this is what happens whenever we talk. so we never actually got to do much writing, but honestly? i literally feel like we did writing in the SPIRIT with all of our tumblr IMs and just the amount of shit talking we did. PUMA. LEST WE FORGET. PUMA. no but real talk, i was supposed to send you a birthday gift aka im still gonna get my ass onto paypal and do that SO DONT YOU LEAVE YOUR BLOG. AND YOU CANNOT SAY NO. i've never met anyone whom has such an in-depth love and understanding for ivy. i remember chatting about Cast Shadows with you and the level of complexitity between Batman and Ivy. i mentioned this but Batman/Ivy is literally my OTP for Bruce. i just think it is such an interesting avenue that no writer (post Cast Shadows) has explored. whenever we spoke, i had such a smile on my face, i cannot even begin to desribe it. i really really hope life goes well for you and treats you with the care and respect you DESERVE.

@psyclownsis @scarestress tags both blogs bc i have no idea where you are these days. so i already recorded that voice meme thing talking about you piri - but i literally just want to further express my admiration and gratitude for you. you've stuck by me, you've pulled me aside and been like 'oi gus you're being a douche stop it', and you've just supported me and taken such an interest in this dumb character i write that literally just blows me away. the fact that we barely write but i still feel so close to you and so valued by you is just a testament to the power of tumblr rp friendships. we don't NEED to write together to be friends and to respect and admire each other. AND LORD KNOWS i admire you. i admire your dedication, i admire your 'idgaf' attitude. and honestly i just admire your unrelenting loyalty to people.

because i've literally written an essay - the rest of these tags are people that i admire and love, even if we haven't had much chance to interact.

@agoodluthor | @gunkanjiima | @grincarved | @terrifiesthem | @tcmbraider | @truthpiety | @influencedbyfear | @inexactexpiration | @aftcrshocks | @fallencomrade | @geniusfuturist | @mangledgrin | @shewolveriine | @tragicloss | @unleashedjustice | @volchista | @widowscars 

[spyroid101]

Send me a pairing and a number and I’ll write you a drabble

Shakarian, #6 “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

AKA, domestic awkwardness the drabble dhjkashdjsk

(For Anon)

"Boo!" Anne giggled, sneaking up behind Garrus and playfully tossing a towel over his head.

"Haha, you got me." He chuckled. "Something tells me you're in a good mood~"

Oh, he was right.

Because GOD, Anne loved Palaven.

Nice warm whether, lower crime rates, minimal earthquakes, minimal humans, no thresher maws, minimal PTSD triggers in GENERAL...

She couldn't recall a single time she'd felt THIS relaxed, and safe and just this overall HAPPY on Earth!

Really, if it wasn't for the radiation forcing humans to need an enviro-suit whenever they wanted to step outside, Anne would have considered just up and moving here AGES ago.

Heck, if it was just herself, Anne probably would have just sucked it up and put up with the enviro-suit.

...But then there was Adrian...

Ahhh, her and Garrus' precious little korgan hearted sugar monster. This little vacation was actually mostly for him, so he could visit his grandpa and aunt.

He'd seen Solana ONCE before, but that was when she'd come to visit when Adrian was only five-months-old. And Augustus was unfortunately feeling too ill to make such a long trip himself.

...No one was going to say it out loud, but it was becoming rather obvious to all of them, that Augustus' age was making leisurely travel become less and less of an option for him as time went on...

So, seeing as Adrian was now three, and soon he'd be embarking on the journey known as 'preschool', both Anne and Garrus agreed that if they were going to be taking Adrian on any long trips to Palaven, now was the time.

And boy, did the little guy love it! All these fun and interesting new sights to see and places to romp around, hardly any of them could keep up with him!

Only downside: Adrian really, really hated having to stuffed into an enviro-suit, and Anne couldn't really blame him. He was a super energetic little three-year-old who wanted to run around and explore, not have to sit still and get crammed into a bubble every time he just wanted to go outside.

No, no. Forcing Adrian to live here and have to go though that for the rest of his childhood wouldn't be fair to the little guy. Both she and Garrus knew this. They were just going to have to wait until the Citadel was back up and running in order to have the best of both worlds.

For now, however, Anne was going to enjoy every second of this Palaven vacation she had.

"Mmmhmmm~" She hummed, pulling the towel back off of his head.

Vision now free of the obstructing fabric, Garrus turned around to look at his wife-

...Who was completely, fresh from the shower, stark naked.

Anne couldn't help but chuckle at Garrus' flustered clicking sounds he gave off at the sight.

"A verrrrrry good mood." She purred, pressing up against him. "If you know what I mean~"

A soft, steady purr rumbled though Garrus, as the clicking sounds intensified, and-

"...Oh." He mumbled.

...Aaaand that wasn't exactly the response Anne was expecting...

"'Oh'?" She repeated, looking up at his face.

It almost seemed like...He was avoiding eye contact with her...?

"Oh...No, no, n-nothing." He stammered. "I just didn't... Didn't really expect you'd... Um... Now...?"

Huh. Strange...

Anne could have SWORN she'd picked up on signs all throughout the day that he'd been in the mood as well. All those little bumps and touches... Heck, even the body language he was giving off right now usually signified he was up for it...

Perhaps she was just misreading...?

"Not in the mood?" Anne asked, backing off a bit to give him some space.

"Errr... It's not... It's just... Emmm..." Garrus fumbled. "You- you know... I just wasn't expecting... After such a long day, annnnd... You- you know-"

"Garrs, it's okay. You don't need to explain yourself." She said gently. "If you're not up for it, just say so."

Garrus just continued to stare at her, mandibles nervously fluttering.

"That's- Uh... S-sorry..." He mumbled.

That was definitely enough of a "No" for her.

"Don't worry about it. There's always other times" She said, placing a hand on his arm. Interestingly enough, this seemed to intensify his purring. "Besides, you're right. We've had a heck of a day today, we should probably get some rest, or else the little sugar monster's gonna be running laps around us tomorrow."

"Uh... Y-yeah... Exactly..." Garrus chuckled wearily.

Anne just smiled and gave him a little smooch on the mandible, before turning to climb into the turian style bed.

She snuggled down into the soft, padded mattress, and leaned up against the nest-like walls of the bed to give Garrus room to slip in next to her.

...Only... He didn't...

Anne looked up to see Garrus just... Looking down at her from the edge of the bed, gawking.

"You, uh... You're... Still naked..." He mumbled.

"Um... Yeah...?" Anne raised an eyebrow at him. "What about it?"

"Is... Uh, is there a... Reason you’re naked in my bed...?" Garrus asked sheepishly.

...Okay. Yeah. Something was DEFINITELY up.

"Beee...cause I usually sleep naked?" Anne sat back up in the bed. "Look, Garrs, are you okay? Is there something going on I should know about?"

"What? No, no. It's nothing. Nothing at all... Just... Umm... " Garrus nervously fumbled. "What if... Adrian needs us in the middle of the night? Or..."

"Or?"

" Or... Or my dad hears us, ermmm..."

Aaaaand then it suddenly clicked.

"Wait, are you telling me... You're scared to have sex, because we're in the same building as your dad?" Anne asked, trying her DAMN best to not chuckle.

"Not just the same building. HIS house. He's here." Garrus whined, pointing up towards the ceiling. "Right up there..."

"Well, first off, his room's a bit more over the living room then this room." She said. "And second off, you think your dad's just going burst into the room, armed to the teeth with guns, and scream as us because we had the terrible audacity to have sex in the privacy of the guest bedroom?"

"...Maybe...?" He whimpered.

Anne couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. She had to smother her face with her hands to keep from waking up the whole house.

"G- Garrus. I- I haha- hate to break it to you, but SOMETHING tells me your dad already knows that we fuck." She snickered. "Pretty sure that's why he had Adrian sleep in the upstairs room and gave us the lower floor to ourselves."

"T-true...I s-suppose..." Garrus stuttered, his flustered clicks once again surfacing. "B-but he's still RIGHT there, and..."

"I can keep quiet~"

"I- Uh- It's not your volume I'm, uh... Worried about."  He admitted. "And even if he doesn’t hear, he'll, umm... Still be able to... Smell it on you..."

Oh.

She... Hadn't considered that...

...

Okay, but even so, it wasn't like Augustus would actually care, right...?

Turians smelled other turian's mates on them all the time. It wasn't weird. Just... Turian, soooo...

...

Augustus Vakarian was a mature, adult father, who had a mature, adult son, with a mature, adult wife, who could all make mature, adult decisions without shame.

...

"You know, maybe you're right. Maybe I should, ah, put a... Shirt on, or something..." Anne said as she slowly crawled out of the bed. "N- not because I'm worried about your dad or anything, but, because... Uh, you know... Adrian..."

"R- right." Garrus stammered, helping Anne fish out a loose t-shirt and a pair of shorts from her suitcase.

"You know... Strange new house... He might get a nightmare and- and come looking for us... Wouldn't him to see us... You know..."

"Of- of course not..."

Hastily, Anne threw on the t-shirt and shorts. She knew it was going to get uncomfortably hot cuddling with Garrus wearing all this... Combined with the OTHER kind uncomfortable hotness going on in the room, but...

"We're not being paranoid. We're just... Being responsible parents..." Anne said, crawling into the bed with Garrus.

"Exactly. That is what we are... Yep..." Garrus said as he tentatively wrapping his arms around her, doing his best to keep his purring down.

Three more weeks.

They were just going to have to shove all their urges into the very darkest corners of their minds for three more weeks.

Just three more weeks...

...

Oh, deities of the galaxy, help them. They were screwed.

...Unfortunately, not literally.

Never before, in all of her life, death, and re-life, would Anne have imagined the thought of 'GOD, I can't wait to get back to Earth', would EVER cross her mind...

[3ternalove-blog1]

Chapter 7

Half way walking towards Ye Hua with A-Li tagging along, I suddenly halt my steps. Are you getting jealous that he’s having a private meeting with another woman, Bai Qian? I asked myself.

“Mother, why are your eyes red?”

Red? “Oh, it’s because of the dampness at this Crystal Palace that I’m not used to”

A-Li tugged my hand. “Mother, let’s quickly go find Father then”

“A-Li, I think it’s best not to disturb your Father. Let him settle the princess problem by himself”

A-Li got upset. “Mother, if you don’t go now, then Father will be stolen by that Princess Miao Qing!”

“Stolen?”

“Although she saved me once, but I have already properly thank her. But she now thought she would be different in Father’s eyes and wouldn’t want to leave Mount Junji. She foolishly stayed by Father. She’s really annoying” - A-Li complained.

“Stayed by your Father?”

“She knows that Father has a wife but she still came to bother Father. She came to lived in Mother’s hut and used Mother’s cookware. Now she want’s to steal Mother’s husband too!”

Oh, he’s talking about that 10 days in Mount Junji?

“Mother, you looked like you aren’t concerned at all!” - A-Li started to wail. “Is it because you already loved someone else and don’t want me and Father anymore?”

“Who said I don’t want you?”

“Excuses! Father will marry a stepmother and Mother will marry a stepfather! A-Li will have to lived up to my name! I don’t deserved to have a happy family! I will have to be alone! No one wants A-Li anymore!” - he started crying.

My heart shattered into pieces. I hugged him tight.

“All right, all right. Don’t cry ok? I did not say I don’t want you” - I tried to comfort him. “Everything will be alright. Don’t cry”

“But.. you don’t want Father. If you don’t want Father, then he will marry that Miao Qing. If he marries her, then they will have another baby and don’t want A-Li anymore..”

“Ah, you don’t cry anymore huh? I.. I.. since I’m your Mother, who said I don’t want your Father? Your father is my sweetheart, my darling, my precious honey” - I assured him.

Opps. What did I just say?

“Really?” - A-Li asked, happy.

“More real then real gold”. Oh well, since I started it, might as well just end it the same way. It’s between the both of us only anyways.

“Then come follow me, Mother”. Now it’s A-Li’s turn to drag me. Like Father like son.

We stopped a distance away. Ye Hua has his back to Princess Miao Qing without saying anything. The air feels so awkward that it feels weird.

“Mother, it’s time for you to make your appearance” - A-Li said.

“Erm.. let me think.. how I’m suppose to walk in”

I guess A-Li has his father’s traits of not taking excuses for an answer. He dragged me towards them.

“A-Li greets Father” - he bow. Ye Hua smiled at him like a proud father he is.

Somehow our eyes met. Without saying anything, I know that he’s glad I was there. It’s something both of us understands each other before.

“Little riceball” - I help him up.

Princess Miao Qing stared at us.

‘Jie jie (Elder sister), you are..” - she asked.

Time to play my part. Hey, it’s actually my original position. “This child address me as Mother” - I told her. Ye Hua gave a huge smile. I tried hard not to roll my eyes.

Miao Qing did not say anything. She just gave a look like she don’t believed that I’m A-Li’s mother.

Let’s be a little nasty. See if she gets it. “With this scene in front of me, I can’t help it but to compose a poem” - I took a sit.. like a boss.

“Don’t you agree, mei mei (little sister)?” - I asked her. Ye Hua kept smiling.

Miao Qing just kept her silence. Hmm.. this lady really don’t get it does she? No wonder even Little Riceball is annoyed with her.

“Among the vast sky and the boundless earth, a red apricot tree is on the verge of straying past it’s boundry..”

Ye Hua looked away to hide his laugh. I smiled widely at her. If she still don’t get this, I really don’t know what else to say.

“Mei mei, do you find it fitting?”

Miao Qing finally got it’s meaning. She quickly kneeled down.

“Your Highness, please don’t be angry. I didn’t know Your Highness has arrived” - she bowed.

I looked at Ye Hua. Your Highness?

Still looking down she continued. “I would never dare to be Your Highness’s mei mei. I only have respect for His Highness. I do not ask that His Highness promise me anything”

I shared another look with Ye Hua again. This is getting more interesting.

“My brother wants to marry me off to the West Sea. The 2nd Prince of West Sea is a hideous man. I truly had no other choice but to dance to request a meeting with His Highness”

“Oh?”

“Miao Qing only wishes to follow His Highness for eternity and served him as a maid. I wish for nothing more. Please grant me this wish, Your Highness”

“Ye Hua.. do you think this is something I should interfere?” - I asked him.

Before he could respond, A-Li spoke up.

“Mother, you just said Father is your sweetheart, your darling, your precious honey”

Oh.My.God. Did he just repeated every word I said?!

“Someone is here to steal Father and you're just going to let her? You did not mean what you said!”

Ye Hua advanced forward towards me and caught me for missing my steps backwards.

“You said.. I’m your sweetheart.. your darling.. your precious honey..?” - he leaned forward for a kiss..

Oh Yes? Bai Qian! Oh no.

I looked away. “Su Su” - he whispered. “Are you pretending to be ignorant or have you truly forgotten about me?

Errr.. both? But with you being so close now, how can I forget?!

Then I remembered about Miao Qing.

“You.. You clearly already know.. yet you tricked me into saying it..? You’re terrible”. I took the advantage to run away. This time, Ye Hua didn’t stop me.

*********************

I arrived at 4th Brother’s residence in the Far North after a brief encounter with Ghost Lord Li Jing. Yun Sheng, 4th Brother’s helper was sitting at the door step.

He ran over to greet me. “Aunt, you have not come by for many years!” - Yun Sheng exclaims. “You’ve come at the wrong time. Bi Fang ran away from home. 4th Uncle went to look for him yesterday. If you don’t mind, allow me to provide you my hospitality” - he said excitedly.

“What a hobby he has. He’s always chasing after a bird”

“Err.. I’m already used to it. Aunt, let’s hurry inside” - Yun Sheng pulled my sleeves.

“Wait. You seems to be acting strangely. Could it be that my 2nd Brother is here?” - I asked.

Yun Sheng gave a loud sigh. “Aunt, that is really a good guess. 2nd Uncle came here early in the morning. He’s in a bad mood. Didn’t you see me sitting outside?”  he asked. “I don’t dare to go in”

“I should get going”. I really didn’t want to meet 2nd Brother when he’s in a bad mood. But I got caught.

“Little fox” - 2nd Brother called. “Come in”

I turned back. “2nd Brother” - I pretended. “Let’s go” - I told Yun Sheng.

We sat at 4th Brother’s study. I could literally feel 2nd Brother boiling with anger. Yun Sheng walked in with 2 cups of tea, hands shaking while serving.

“Oh yes! Aunt, you just arrived. You must not have breakfast yet. I.. I’ll go prepare breakfast for you” - he made an excuse to leave the room.

I didn’t stop him. Poor boy so afraid of this 2nd Uncle.

2nd Brother broke the silence. “Where is Xiao Jiu?” - he asked.

“Ah.. a few days ago, she was still cooking in my Fox Den”. Actually, I’m not too sure.

“She has done many shameful things for Dong Hua’s sake. When she returned to my manor 300 years ago, I had to hang her up and spank her twice for her to become well behaved. If she’s in your residence, then keep a good eye on her”. It wasn’t a request. It was more like a command.

“Rest assured, 2nd Brother. I’ll surely keep her confined in the Fox Den. She won’t go outside to be a disgrace”

He nodded in agreement. “The life debt to Dong Hua Dijun..”

“2nd brother, don’t you worry” - I cut him off. “Qing Qiu will take on the debt that Xiao Jiu owes to Dong Hua Dijun. As her aunt, I’ll take in her stead”

He took a sip of his tea. “Hmm. Good”

Phew. That was close. I should give Xiao Jiu a good lecture when I get back.

“By the way, why did you suddenly came to the Far North?”

“The Water King’s son just turned one month old. He send an invitation to Qing Qiu. Mother and Father went traveling. I had nothing much to do, so I came for a visit”

“The Eastern Sea is in the east. If you are returning to Qing Qiu, you should be traveling east”

Crap. I got caught, AGAIN.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, 4th Brother had me to bring two jars of wine from Zhe Yan’s. So I came over to deliver along the way”. Thank god I had the wine as an excuse.

“What a trouble” - 2nd brother shake in disapproval.

“I better take them to the kitchen” - I suggested. Ran from one, now have to run from another. What a trip!

Outside the study, Yun Sheng was eavesdropping. I signaled him to follow me.

“Aunt, do you not want breakfast anymore?” - he asked.

“I’m leaving. These are the jars of peach blossom wine that 4th Brother wanted” - I handed him the jars.

“Oh. By the way Aunt, I heard just now that you attended the banquet at the Eastern Sea?”

“I did”

“I heard that the Crown Prince is there as well. Did you see him?”

“I did”

“Back when the Crown Prince came to the Far North to pacify the rebellions, I had the good fortune to deliver a map to His Highness. I’ll never forget Crown Prince’s grace”

“You were merely a young child 300 years ago. How could you remember so clearly?

“To be honest, I love hearing others speak of the Crown Prince. Aunt, did you know that in all the battles of the past 30,000 years, whenever the Crown Prince made a stand, he suppressed all resistance?”

How can I not know? He also did a very stupid move while fighting with the Mermaid Clan.

“Should you marry the Crown Prince in the future, you must not forget to bring me along”

“I’ll take my leave. Take care to attend the one inside the study” - I told Yun Sheng.