#shes bulimic

[dog-b0y]

(more in the tags)

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

yazs faith in my fic mostly amounts to no alcohol and vegetarian jelly babies and vague religious anxiety on occasion, partially bc i dont know a lot about islam so i dont really have a lot to work with and partially because the show doesnt really give us a whole lot to work with either

but i do kinda like how, especially in this current fic where i give her a sort of explicit eating disorder past, that like, the main ways that god ends up playing a role in her daily life this way is through what she puts in her mouth or not

if the doctor is restrictive, emotionally psychologically nutritionally, and the master is excessive, yaz sort of hovers in the middle, pulled at from both sides

seduced by restriction vs seduced by excess. swallowing your anger vs spitting it out. desire and consumption and the way the human and the holy meet in the fallible body. you can become the doctor by acting like the doctor. you can make yourself holy by Doing The Right Actions

[wellnesscard]

for an ex anorexic i cook with a lotttt of oil. idk its how im raised. its funny running away from home yr first chance n then years down the road recalling how your beautiful mom made our meals and mimicking that. i loved cooking with her like shes afraid of cancer so back in the 90s she went unprocessed basically. they cooled up lately but we made our own bread and tortillas my whole childhood it was kinda awesome. some people might describe her as an "almond mom" and she was, almonds was a viable snack in our household, but to me she was more of an olive oil and garlic mom

[littlegildedswallow]

radfems LOVE to use women with eating disorders as gotcha stats, but actually having compassion for ed'ed women ? ofc not.

mentally ill traumatized women acting like mentally ill traumatized women ? sacrilegious ! attention whore with a superiority complex.

[pasta-problems]

Actually third base is when they see you cry over calories

[goosemixtapes]

my cyclical joker moment is that every few years i remember how good the gone series would have been if michael grant didn't hate disabled people

[frociaggina97]

the real adult body is like yes eat that thing that's a bit heavy for dinner and yes you will feel like shit for like a whole day after

[rpgmakers]

I do find it funny that to not relapse, i have to be knee deep into ed shit 😭

[clinicsharmartia]

.

[anaalnathrakhs]

i keep needing to remind myself that my parents are allowed to have priorities and are under no obligation to coddle me at all times, but i don't know i guess it still kind of hurts to be incompatible with them like that. i don't hate my parents, i get along with them quite well actually. but living with them is hellish. i don't know why i'm fucked up like that but so far it seems to have been pretty consistent since birth so. i don't think im getting out of it.

[rickmcjigglydick]

I was thinking I would die for a piece of toast with butter then I remembered I have toast and butter so I ate it

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

.

[lqnar]

at a restaurant and i think my bulimic friend is purging in the bathroom

[annaandmiah]

ED MEDIA

MOVIES

★ little miss perfect ★

an overambitious high school freshman tries to control her life by controlling her weight.

➜ watch on soap2day

★ starving in suburbia ★

17-year-old Hannah joins a dangerous “thinspiration” online community where users treat anorexia as a lifestyle rather than a disorder.

➜ Watch on Vimeo

★ sharing the secret ★

beth turns to binging and purging as a way to control one aspect of her life, but her habits quickly spiral out of control and force her to seek treatment.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/hmujb3ndoo0

★ for the love of nancy★

follows the main character as she starts college, becomes more and more withdrawn, starts a regimented exercise routine, stops eating, and begins losing an unhealthy amount of weight.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cgvxvq33swy

★ a secret between friends ★

when two teenage girls become fast friends and decide to diet together, things go from bad to worse, ultimately leading to the near death of one of the girls.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/vmf4cd1fxge

★ dying to dance ★

➜ a young woman succumbs to pressure at ballet school and develops anorexia nervosa.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/hi5ww4z-rx8

★ girl, interrupted★

based on writer susanna kaysen's account of her 18-month stay at a mental hospital in the late 1960s.

➜ Watch on Netflix

★ Kate's secret ★

a beautiful woman married to a successful lawyer and the perfect suburban mother who turns out to be a closeted bulimic.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zpchtd3xw4q

★ the best little girl in the world ★

a young girl develops an eating disorder, alternately starving herself or throwing up food. her parents, angry and desperate, send her to a hospital. unfortunately, she befriends a patient who convinces her to hide her illness.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oy7gj99pt_a

★ thirteen ★

an innocent seventh grader undergoes an abrupt personality change when she begins hanging out with a wild classmate

➜ Watch on Disney Plus

★ to the bone ★

ellen is an unruly 20-year-old anorexic girl who spent the better part of her teenage years being shepherded through various recovery programmes, only to find herself several pounds lighter every time.

➜ Watch on Netflix

TV SHOWS

★ Skins ★

 lives of a group of teenagers in Bristol, England, are followed through two years of sixth form, with the story line of this critically acclaimed series delving into such controversial subjects as substance abuse, sexuality, teenage pregnancy, personality and eating disorders, and mental illness

➜ Watch on Stan

★ Red band society ★

 a group of teenagers live together as patients at a hospital's pediatric ward and learn how to deal with their illnesses, the experiences that they have, and the people that they meet.

➜ Watch on Disney Plus

★ Insatiable ★

For years Patty was overweight, which caused her to be bullied, ignored and underestimated by the people around her. But she is now thin and seeking revenge against those who ever made her feel bad about herself through fat-shaming.

➜ Watch on Netflix

DOCUMENTRYS

★ Thin ★

this documentary follows four women receiving eating disorder treatment at the renfrew center in coconut creek, florida. while each woman has their own “final straw” that brought them to renfrew, they all suffer from eating disorders that profoundly affect their lives to the point of near-death, in some cases.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/gsqwhmesizq

★ Dana the 8-year-old anorexic ★

Little Dana became a walking skeleton after suffering from anorexia - at EIGHT. She told her distraught parents she would rather DIE than eat. And she even hid in a laundry basket at meal times to avoid having food.

➜ Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKSwPBUhCBo&list=PLfjwnsEd5VNYTtPpke17nY2AHRNNpcWIK&index=3

[ziggyzolch]

Queen Bee-atch Ⅴ (Regina George x Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of eating disorders (bulimia) but no explicit description of it.

✮✮✮

"No! Of course I'm not on board." Being zoned out for most of the week, you hadn't been listening to Janis' rambling, so you had no idea of her plan for Cady. Sighing, Janis sets her guitar to the side. "Dude, we've been talking about this plan for weeks, your opinion won't stop it." Damien chimes in from his place at your desk, "Yeah girl, Regina needs to be humbled. If anything, we're helping her." 

You invited your friends over the second you got home from Regina's, with the intention of having a jam sesh, until you heard Damien bring up the next step of their sabotage plan. You roll your eyes at Janis' nodding, getting up from the floor. "No, this is insane. Regina doesn't need to be 'humbled'." Cady peaks her head out of your bathroom, your mascara in her hand, "Yes she does! She was about to steal Aaron away from me."

Your eyes bulge out of your head, "Are you fucking serious? That's what this is about?" Janis rolls her eyes at you, "You know what this is about. She made our lives a living hell in freshman year!" You scoff, shaking your head and taking your guitar from her, "Wow, people think you're a pyromaniac. Boohoo." Janis stands up and pushes your shoulders, making you drop your guitar,

"Regina treated me like shit!"

You push her back, "Me too! You don't see me overreacting about it!"

"This," She shoves you, "Is not an overreaction. You didn't even know her! She was my best friend! Becoming an antisocial bulimic bitch is an overreaction." The silence that follows is deafening.

Tears well up in your eyes, "Fuck you, Janis. You're a hypocrite, you're all hypocrites!"

You point at Cady, "You're literally dressed like a plastic right now. Also, you ditched me when I was blackout drunk, for a boy that you barely just met!" Turning your gaze towards Damien and Janis, "You guys don't sit alone because everybody hates you. You hate everybody! You are no different from Regina, you just hide it better."

"You hate everyone too!" Janis retorts, while Damien and Cady look at each other awkwardly. "Maybe, but I don't seek petty revenge on everyone that's ever wronged me! You don't think I hate Regina for what she's done?" You sit down on the ground, calming down. "I do, but making her miserable won't make me any happier, and it won't make you happier either." Janis sighs, taking a seat next to you, Cady and Damien following. 

"Fine, we won't do it, but we can't take back what we've already done." Janis slaps Cady in warning. You raise an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean?" Damien sighs, "We may have...been responsible for her recent weight gain and pimples." You groan, falling backwards and laying down on the floor, "You guys are horrible. At least you can start sitting with us again, Cady...Cady?" You all turn to her as she looks up from her phone, "I just need one more day."

✮✮✮

It's been a couple of minutes since English class started. You were assigned to finish up the book report, so it was basically a free period. Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you slam your laptop closed.

"Uh, what were you doing?" You turn towards Regina, noting that she's wearing sweatpants, "Watching porn..?" She takes her seat, raising an eyebrow at you. You stare at her while she slowly drags your laptop towards her, opening it and turning it on. 

Papa's pizzeria pops up on your screen. "In what world would watching porn be a better explanation than playing a game?" Regina looks at you in disbelief. "I panicked! I thought you were the teacher." She huffs out a laugh and pulls out her notebook while you take your laptop back. Regina turns to you, opens her mouth, then closes it and turns back to her notebook.

You ignore it, but after she does it for the fourth time you decide to ask,

 "Are you having a stroke-" 

She interrupts, "I'm sorry!" 

The class goes quiet, curious at what she could possibly be apologizing for. "Oh, uh. We don't have to talk about that." You scratch the back of your neck. She sighs and moves her chair to face you. "No, we do." You pinch the bridge of your nose before standing up and grabbing her arm, ignoring the teacher's objections and dragging her out of class. "Regina, we were young and stupid, it's fine." 

Her face contorts in anger, "It's not! I was horrible to you, more than I was to anyone else. You didn't deserve that," She looks you up and down, "I shouldn't have made you feel like you needed to change anything about yourself."

You were speechless, Janis would never believe this. "Thank you, really, but I'm just one person out of hundreds that you've been horrible to. Why are you so worried about my opinion specifically?" She sputters while you raise your eyebrows at her, waiting for a reply. She rolls her eyes and drags you to the janitor's closet. Her eyes dart around the room, looking at everything except you. "I like you." 

Your expression remains unchanged, "Uh okay, I like you too, you've been a good friend- Oh." Your eyes widen in realization. Regina panics at your silence and attempts to backtrack, "Oh, pfft, yeah that's what I meant! Friends, you're a good friend- mph!" You press your lips to hers, wrapping your arms around her neck. 

After the initial shock, Regina relaxes into the kiss and places her hands on your waist, pushing you against the wall. The bell stops Regina's wandering hands, and you push her away, catching your breath. "This talk isn't over, Blondie." Regina smiles at you, "Come over today, we can talk all night long, puppy." You blush at the nickname and innuendo, lightly shoving her when she laughs. "Stop! Look, Janice has an art competition tonight. Can you come with me? You're gonna have to apologize to her too." 

Regina shakes her head in disgust before you add, "I'll come over after and we can have that 'talk'-" 

"I'll come!" 

✮✮✮

Gretchen was pissed. Regina had blown her off for you, ditched her and Karen at a party for you, and walked out the janitor's closet with you! For her to have the audacity to try and sit at their table, in sweatpants, after all of that.

"Those rules are bullshit-"

Karen jumps in, "They weren't that day I wore a vest!"

"Yeah because that vest was hideous!"

"You can't sit with us!" The cafeteria goes quiet at Gretchen's screech. You, Janis, and Damien turn to face the commotion. "These are all that fit me right now," You can make out Regina admitting quietly. Gretchen turns to Cady, waiting for her decision. Your eyes bulge out of your head when you hear Cady's answer. Turning to Janis and Damien, you ask,

"Does she know the plan is off? Did she not hear anything we said?"

"She does! I don't know why she's acting like this." Janis replies,

Your jaw goes slack, "You literally made her like this."

"Look, maybe this is just a one time thing!"

The conversation is interrupted by Regina yelling, "Take a picture, it'll last longer." Your heart breaks for her, you make a mental note to talk to Regina. Trying to defuse the awkwardness, Damien brings up Janis's art competition. "Look, Cady promised she'd be there. We can talk to her about this then!" You scoff, "Yeah, we'll see." 

✮✮✮

A/N: I couldn't fit the Christmas dance thing in so i worked around it. Also, I don't really know how to reply to them but I promise I check all the reblogs and comments and I appreciate them. Thank you for reading!

[saintship]

Could I request a fic for konig (and/or anyone in the 141) (whoever you think fits the best).

One where the reader has an eating disorder that she's been hiding for a while and the team is starting to notice.

Eventually they confront her and she tries to defend herself but only makes it worse. Saying stuff like she knows her limits now and explaining how it doesn't really hurt that bad to purge since she figured it out.

Like she's trying to comfort them but is only making it so much worse. I need my angst + comfort

I decided on Ghost because there’s a lot of König’s big ass on my blog

WARNING: potentially triggering content for people suffering from restrictive/bulimic eating disorders

This hits close to home, and v accurate to how a confrontation like this can go, I hope you’re alright ml

You’re not fine - Simon Riley x Reader, 141 & Reader

You had a love-hate relationship with little celebrations like these; you liked talking with everyone, and you also liked that it was held at the base, so you didn’t have to worry yourself watching your back. But with celebrations, there will be alcohol, and then food, and then inebriated recruits spewing whatever comes to their mind. One in particular you were sat near was especially vocal, swinging his glass in arcs as he grumbled on and on. Many of his words were nonsense, their only repercussion being the drunk giggles of his friends.

You sat up a bit straighter when he leaned closer.

“Oi, I hate these, you want it?” He murmured, gesturing to the cherry adorning his drink. You looked away a bit, shaking your head.

“Why? You was eatin’ them before..”

“I had enough.”

He only grinned. “What, you think a cherry will make you fat or something?”

Your silence only amused him more.

“Aw, you starve yourself, lovie?” He laughed loud and bright, like what he’d suggested was the most amusing thing he’d ever thought of. His friends didn’t miss it either, now cooing comments and non-questions in your direction that made your head spin.

It wasn’t until you pushed yourself to your feet and made a break for the door that you clocked the eyes behind Simon’s mask, following you carefully. The embarrassment flashed through your mind, but you continued, leaning against the outside wall where people came to smoke or grope each other in the lamplight. You felt the cherry on your tongue, your stomach beginning to flip before you gathered yourself. You were in control. A sharp pain sliced through your gut. You’d been able to walk the line of hiding your self torture until now; if someone walked up to you, there was no way you’d play it off. You were in control. Everything is under..control.

You thought about going back inside, just eating the stupid cherry and getting rid of it in the common room bathroom. But you were tired, and the only 141 member inside seemed to have a habit of burning holes in your back, so what was the point? Going back to your barracks seemed best. Walking by the front entrance again, Ghost pushed open the door simultaneously.

“Oi.”

You stopped and turned; Ghost rarely incited conversation. He approached you, scanning around the grounds as he walked. He seemed to be searching for the right words, a quiet grunt escaping him before he spoke.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re acting..” he gestured with his hand vaguely, his eyes glowering with suspicion.

“Acting what?”

He dropped his hand. “Off.”

When you didn’t reply, he sighed. “Look, I’m not good with this shit, yeah? If something’s wrong, I’ll only catch it once. So what is it?”

Your heart ached. You wished so badly there was a way to brush him off and reinforce his compassion at the same time. But there wasn’t.

“I’m okay, really.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Sergeant.”

His reply made you blink, but your head still shook for the negative. “I’m fine.”

“You-"

“Goodnight, Ghost.”

Your tone only registered in your mind when you’d walked ten paces away from him. Simon Riley had just mustered up the courage to show a bit of concern, and you’d fucked it up. It would take a miracle for him to show vulnerability like that again. Your exhaustion urged hot tears to run down your cheeks, your skin heating up with shame and embarrassment. You didn’t get a wink of sleep.

The next morning it was pouring rain, and your walk to the med bay left you completely soaked by the time you opened the door to your office. The cold and discomfort of wet clothes were dull in your mind; all that played in your head was the encounter from the night before. The unit was empty other than resident patients, the rest of the staff likely at the mess hall. By noon, you were dry and warm, but every knock at your door made you jump. Just as you tried to convince yourself that you were being paranoid, your pager buzzed. Price’s voice rang clear.

“My office. Now, unless someone’s dying.”

Another day, you would have huffed a small laugh at his bluntness, but now, your anticipation weighed heavy on your chest.

Jogging through the rain again to the main building, scenario after scenario ran through your mind. Ghost outranked you, and you’d brushed him off without a glance behind you. You’d never had a charge of insubordination, ever. You admired and cared for your superiors in a way you hadn’t expected, and with that, there was never a time mouthing off even crossed your mind.

You lowered the hood of your rain jacket carefully as you eased Price’s door open, seeing it was already ajar.

Your heart sank through the floor when you saw Price’s expression, and then further some when you looked around the room. Soap, Gaz.. and Ghost.

“Is this an intervention?”

Your joke was met with a downcast silence, as Price rose from his desk chair. “Sit.”

He walked past you to shut the door gently, leaning on its surface. You obeyed his request, settling into a chair near his desk.

“Sergeant..you know that you’re cared for here, right?”

You blinked, glancing at Gaz and Soap. The two of them were so rarely serious that their concerned expressions were distracting.

“Uh..yes. Yes, sir.” You murmured.

“Since we care for you, we notice when you’re not all there. Isn’t that right?” The squad nodded, and you wished for a sinkhole to pull you into the center of the earth.

“Ghost. Why don’t you explain why we’re here?”

You couldn’t look at him, but you felt his eyes.

“You ran off last night. And I know it wasn’t cause of that daft recruit.”

The wood panels of Price’s floor were faded with a worn path of heavy boots. Gaz stepped a bit closer.

“We just don’t want you to be doing anything that’ll hurt you, love.”

You didn’t look up.

“Why would you think that?”

The sound of shifting weight was all that answered at first. Soap’s gentle voice filled the small space.

“You’re not eating, lass.”

Your eyes finally found their way upward out of surprise. “That’s what this is about?” You look around; no one’s expression had shifted. “I’m fine.”

“You’ve skipped every weigh in the last three months.” Price folded his arms.

“I’m a medic, I was busy! I think I would know if I had a problem.”

“So why do you drink your calories? Why do you work through mealtimes?” Ghost’s tone became a bit firmer.

“We’re just a tad worried-"

“There is nothing to worry about!” You interrupted Soap, making Gaz back up a pace. “I know my limits, I know how to do it right. I don’t need a lot.”

Price’s head tilted. “Sergeant..”

“I know how to do it right.” You repeated, a trembling hang raking through your hair.

“Do what right?” Gaz’s question hung heavy in the air.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, I-I figured out how to..you know, purge. Correctly.”

“What?” Price pushed off the door, standing closer.

“It’s fine!” Tears pricked at your eyes.

“No, it’s not.” Gaz’s voice was low with emotion, his eyes following you as you got to your feet.

“I’m fucking fine!”

“Sergeant, lower your voice.” Price’s order silenced you, a tear escaping down your face.

“It’s—I have it under control..” your voice wavered.

Soap sighed. “That’s not how it works-"

You wiped your tears angrily, irritating the skin that was already warm with embarrassment.

“What do I have to do to convince you that I am fi-"

Ghost’s arms were around you. The rest of the room was silent. Your eyes were closed. You cried into his vest. He smelled like smoke.

“You’re not fine.” His voice was softer than you’d ever heard it.

“I’m sorry..I’m sorry..”

“Oh, love..” Gaz hand was warm on you shoulder.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” Soap assured. Ghost’s gloved palm stroked your back.

A different hand laid on your other shoulder, and you turned you head to see Price lean to your level.

“You’re not alone, soldier.”

That night, the entire team accompanied you to dinner. They made sure to tell you that even if you couldn’t stomach anything, just being there made them proud. Proud that you could face this disease that would follow your every step, and that you trusted them to walk alongside you. Ghost excused himself for a smoke, and you followed him out where he stood in the night air. The cicadas were chittering incessantly, but the breeze was nice. You stood by his side for a few moments before speaking.

“You called the meeting.”

He held his balaclava away from his face slightly with a thumb, exhaling a breath of smoke.

“I did.”

Your heart hammered in your chest.

“Thought you’d be angry with me for brushing you off like that.”

His head shook slowly. “No.” He breathed a sigh of the fresh air. “You’re not the snippy type. Something was off. So I went to the people who deal with that sort of thing better than I can.”

You eyed him. “Why do you always end with that?”

He glanced back, but continued to toe at the gravel.

“What do you mean?”

“You say you’re not good with this sort of thing. But you are.”

His brow furrowed. “M’not.”

“When I walked away from you, you could have just decided I was a dick and moved on, but you didn’t.”

His head shook again. “I had to get backup.”

“You knew who to put in that room.”

“Because I couldn’t do it alone.”

“You hugged me.”

Your shoes turn toward him, the glow of the entrance light glancing off the woven fabric covering his face.

“When I was freaking out, you steadied me. It really helped..” your admission suddenly embarrassed you, and you looked at your feet the moment he brought his eyes forward.

“Doesn’t mean I’m good at this.”

“You’re good to me.”

He blinked. “Am I?”

“You’re good to the team. Good to your trainees.” Looking up into his eyes, the apprehension there was gut wrenching. “I’ll tell you every day if that’s what it takes for you to believe it..”

“Sergeant..”

“It’s true. You make me want to be better.”

Ghost shifted on his feet. “I just want you alive.”

You cracked your first smile in weeks. “You make me want to be that, too.”

He gazed at you a bit longer before outstretching an arm, pulling you into his chest while taking another drag with his other hand. Your smile stayed as you leaned into his coat, the warmth radiating from him making your heart swell. The gratitude you felt that Simon Riley was letting you be so close to him was exhilarating. He rubbed your back as he’d done in the office, but out here, where it was just you, Simon, and the cicadas, it was just better.