#wouldnt it have been fun to see that
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yazs faith in my fic mostly amounts to no alcohol and vegetarian jelly babies and vague religious anxiety on occasion, partially bc i dont know a lot about islam so i dont really have a lot to work with and partially because the show doesnt really give us a whole lot to work with either
but i do kinda like how, especially in this current fic where i give her a sort of explicit eating disorder past, that like, the main ways that god ends up playing a role in her daily life this way is through what she puts in her mouth or not
if the doctor is restrictive, emotionally psychologically nutritionally, and the master is excessive, yaz sort of hovers in the middle, pulled at from both sides
seduced by restriction vs seduced by excess. swallowing your anger vs spitting it out. desire and consumption and the way the human and the holy meet in the fallible body. you can become the doctor by acting like the doctor. you can make yourself holy by Doing The Right Actions
#i dont know.........which religions that fits and if theres overlap#the doctor isnt..............................a god. but. idk. vaguely divine sometimes#what if i want to eat her. what if she explodes. what if i explode with the desire to eat her. what if i eat her and she explodes inside me#its probably insensitive to...........literally everyone#muslims. bulimics. bulimic muslims#lesbians#but im not here to write that story im here to write my yazs story#i would have liked if they had given me more to work with though#like those rules or whatever they have for muslim astronauts#wouldnt it have been fun to see that#i wouldve loved for yaz to like try to keep track of the time of day and also in what general direction earth is#wouldve loved to know how she feels abt it all#if only to mirror with the master so we could extrapolate stuff abt him too#i suppose theres stuff abt him. those halos in timeless children right?#but also bc now i mostly just have my own feelings to work with#and my own feelings abt god are a little bit atypical i think perhaps who knows#are anybodys feelings abt god typical#are there typical god feelings? probably not#as many gods as there are bodies i think#which means a little bit of god dies with every body#whatever. my own feelings are christian probably which i dont think does yaz justice
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saikis powers are a vital part of him so it makes sense that people who dont know about them cant truly understand his whole self, but its also very silly to me when people act like its the ONLY important part of him... people act like his friends that arent in the know are completely blind to who saiki is, but i feel like that kinda means you missed some major points... he cant keep his powers a secret forever and it DOES matter, but he can still be loved and KNOWN without knowing about them... hes still human, he still has a personality, he still has regular likes and dislikes, etcetc
his friends perspectives on him may have been wrong at first, but they CHANGED... they know him and love him, and theyll KEEP loving him the SAME once they know of his powers...
some people cough cough cough in this fandom like to reduce saiki to JUST his powers and its so obvious that you just. missed everything. you didnt absorb anything from the show, you just saw it and went "ha, everyone thinks hes just a guy when hes actually super cool and powerful" no no no, he IS cool and powerful but look a little closer and at his core he is still LITERALLY JUST A GUY 😭😭😭
hes such a guy.....
#idk this goes back to how i think its weird that people think how he treats toritsuka is 'his true personality coming out'#like ?? hes a dick to him because he deserves it. not because saiki is a dick.#'so sad how his other friends only know him as a boring introvert' hey idk how to tell you this but hes actually still that#he may be more fun and childish and silly than most of his friends know#but above all hes still an introvert who loves sitting in his house and doing nothing#his favorite hobbies besides that are video games and coffee jelly#i fear you may be the one who doesnt understand saiki if you think the two sides of him his different friends see cant coexist#hes still the same guy#even the people who are in the know see a limited side of saiki#i fear akechi is the only person who gets to see all of him#and even that has a limit. i guess i wouldnt say 'all' but both sides#'the mixer scene was just teruhashi showing she doesnt know anything abt him since she thinks he would just sit there' yk what. dont pmo.#that is quite literally just factually what he WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING#even around everyone who knows about his powers#what the fuck else would saiki be doing??? singing and doing standup ?????#no dude. hes fun and likes singing and is funny and likes showing off but not in that way and definitely not in that setting#if u genuinely believe saiki would be the life of the party at a mixer instead of just sitting there making the occasional sarcastic commen#then youve severely misjudged him😭#what version of saiki k did you even watch actually#'the awesome cool nonchalant life of saiki k'#sorry this is really just a rant above all else#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post#meownalysis
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[ID: a digital redraw of the scene where chuuya shoots dazai in the shoulder. on the top of the drawing is chuuya holding a guy to dazai's head in the red and grey hallways of the prison. on the bottom of the drawing is dazai's pained face. the gunshot is shown stylistically as hectic lines behind his bloody shoulder. over the image is half a quote from goncharov that reads 'if we really were in love you wouldn't have missed.' the signature says dandelion-roots. end ID]
This quote from Goncharov (1973) in relation to soukoku has been haunting me from before I even got to that scene in the anime (the full thing is: Katya- Of course we're in love, that's why I tried to shoot you/ Goncharov- If we really were in love you wouldn't have missed). Violence as a tool for communicating emotions, especially love and hatred, especially love and hatred makes me go feral- how could I not think of the iconic quote that says that katya's miss was a sign of a lack of love/a fake love when chuuya didn't miss? Just... losing it over here.
#bsd#bsd s5#bungou stray dogs#soukoku#soukoku fanart#bungou stray dogs season 5#bsd spoilers#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#not to tell on myself but i just realized that i. used the wrong screenshot as ref JKDSKDJKDJ i have too many saved. its fine. u get it#just saying it in case anyone was confused#goncharov#also just to be clear if someone didnt understand the caption- i used the quote to be the opposite of what was happening#not to describe what was happening in the scene or to imply that chuuya later not killing dazai was him 'missing'#i get VERY specific imagery in my mind and i disregard everything else#and i do it in the way that would be incredibly confusing to most ppl at first glance. such is the world#im not wordy rn i cant fully describe my feral state after finishing bsd earlier today or this thing. hope u enjoy it anyway!#it was rly fun to do a screenshot redraw the bsd animation crew is so freaking talented and i got to see which colours they used where#i changed them bcs they wouldnt been too desaturated but lots of blues in the bg! colour theory babyyy#and got to play around w csp! fun fun been so long since ive done digital art
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can the mtt commit more crimes that just murder please i know theyre the MURDER time trio but ppppleasse,,,, please,,,,,,
they'd be terrible to be next to on the highway. horror's going 160 mph amd has long past gone over the speed limit. dust's out for BLOOD and by blood i mean your tires. he's somehow sniping those round rubber wheels from the high moving vehicle with the precision of a master fruit ninja player. if your car explodes or flips over in the process that's not his fault. and then to make matters worse for everyone on the highway killer's in the backseat scratching up the doors and windows of your car with a knife everytime horror gets close to another car and oops he accidentally just disfigured your face also did i mention theyre all drunk during this
ok so theyve all got the classic face WHY DONT THEY ABUSE IT!!!! horror gets to do a little paper mache to cover up his head hole and then wearing glasses. killer i dont know what the FUCK he can do to get rid of his perpetual tears but let's just pretend that theyre conveniently gone for now. and then all dust has to do is put down his hood! anyways identity theft is cool. imagine how much they could totally fuck up classic's reputation with this. set up fake tinder profiles and then scam people for their credit card info/free dates (while ordering every expensive thing) and stealing wallets. walking into various grillby's's around the multiverse and telling terrible jokes. like ACTUALLY bad jokes. and then of course just being a huge piece of shit at the bar. god theres so many things they could do pretending to be classic. which one of us is hikaru looking ahh except the only difference between the three is the color of the stains on their clothes (either gray (dust) black (killer) or red. well faded red (horror))
ROBBERY!!!! ROBBERIES PLURAL!!!??? train robbery gas station robbery bank robbery GOVERNMENT robbery (what would you rob the government for?? documents??? idk) anyways. mtt robbing a train except its just a really shitty plan and they dont know jackshit about what theyre doing. killer's taken over the conductor's cabin and now he is booking it. how fast are trains allowed to go idk but the maximum. anyways meanwhile horror's on the tracks fucking up the rails with his strength or whatever (listen i know he's weak but picking and choosing what hcs i believe in is my art) and dust is there to teleport him away before the train crashes into him and turns him into a trolley problem victim. and then of course that shit doesnt fucking work and the train just ends up flipping over and catching on fire or something (killer survives because of course he does he's killer). and then in the end dust just has to flip the entire train over and they just stroll into the part that actually HAS the money
and then they go out and get ice cream. sometimes the murderers need to take a break from murdering and just do NORMAL crime yk???
#dragging this absolutely ancient draft out of the trenches because i've been having a scene in my head that fits this#i mean not REALLY related to this since its not a crime. more like him reckless abandon of life! their own lives! yeah they die#imagining.... trio driving around in the mountains. dust's driving ans horror's in the passenger and killer's in the back seat because he i#and dust just starts speeding up like...... much more than he really should be in the fucking mountains#and killer points it out and now all of a sudden horror is absolutely terrified LMAOOOO trying to get dust to slow down#and then they crash. but if there's no one more determined in the world killer can always load a save and theyre alive again#and dust is STILL speeding when they come back even with the knowledge that they die and horror's still terrified#but dust just tells him to calm down and loosen up a little bit!!! theyll come back afterwards anyways and they dont even die in pain#and after a few more deaths horrors just like. ugh. fine. you know what FINE ILL GO ALONG WITH IT#he says as he starts laughing along with dust because man!! the feeling of looking out at nature right before they die in a blaze of glory#is GREAT!!!! and then you know something something horrordust have trust in killer to bring them back after they all die#something something horror is willing to give up his usual reservations to have fun with the other two#and its so fun afterwards.... because nobody but them gets hurt!!! dust and horror wouldnt wanna hurt anyone after their au lore#and killer has no reason to in this scenario. so it all works out for them!! the only people getting hurt are them and lowkey they deservei#the sans in the au is probably sooo confused as to why the world is reloading even though theres no human doing so 💀 killer you GOOF#theyve probably all died so many times but only they remember it. soooo cute.... only they get to see each other at their weakest 💔💔💔#killer absolutely abuses the save point when theyre all together i just knowww ittttt sooooo well#he wants everything to continue not restart or go back??? ok but everything IS continuous with these two#not like they stay doing one thing over and over anyways so its not really perpetual. anyways dust and horror would get bored along with hi#if they just kept doing the exact same thing over and over trying to find every possible ending. nahhhh#triglycercule this is sooo unhealthy none of them would do this!! ok well they make each other worse who said it was ever gonna be healthy#screw EVERYONE in the violet banquet discord server who indulged me in my trio waltz dancing in a field of flowers at 3 am. brainrot now...#this scene i described in tags totally happened in my trio meet each other fic btw. just that it hasn't gotten to this point at ALL yet 💀💀#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#sans au#utmv
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The towering creature comprised primarily of metal spikes looks at you with its nine optics.
#warhammer rogue trader#pasqal haneumann#pasqal rogue trader#UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i got yelled at for staying up past time to finish this but. i am admittedly very happy with the direction on this#i might colour it properly. we'll see if the skill matches the idea [cat hairball noises]#this is for the amarnat-heretek ending for him btw. pasqal constructs a totally-not-abominable-intelligence cogitator#that combines all the separate components from the amarnat collective. only now it needs judgement to complete itself!#abel is still fine btw hes basically been dismissed bc who needs imagination. very pandoras box hope situation there#i very much think pasqal's time in commorragh is akin to sa for him. i have complex ideas on his sense of relationship andsexuality#n he struggles alot with processing it. thus amarnat. thus he ends up accepting his fate as the carcass tm and primary motion system#choices are run through him and his spine is the mod's sternum basically. but pasqal himself doesnt really exist past that#when he reacts strongly to something it generates little convulsions in him that annoy the mod terribly.#he can and eventually will tear himself off the frame btw. this breaks the mod bc it cant move or decide#but pasqal also kinda ends up pulling out his own spine alien v predator style so. abel and heinrix if you wouldnt mind. ty#i thought the poll thing was fun is it fun
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maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way
#so i finished. feels like they did not put a lot of thought into shiro or hunk's epilogue lmfao#overall i dont think it was Bad. it could have been better yknow. but again. it feels like they just needed a little extra time to breathe#in development. it's just bones.#i do think perhaps some of the criticisms i have seen of it are just from people pissing on the poor#i could fix her!!! ough i really do want to rewrite this sdnfksjfd but that would unfortunately require. having to watch this again#and i cant do that in 24 hours#im so sad this is disappearing. this is the only show for which i ever stayed up for the midnight PST release#back when only season 1 and maybe 2? were out i used to watch them constantly. sometimes in spanish to practice#like i wouldnt have ever finished without the threat of it leaving but this is the worst timing to reawaken my affection for it lmao#grateful for it. wish i hadnt waited so long#i did need time to forget the insanity tho bc if i had made myself keep going and finish at the time#it would have poisoned the ending i think. nice to finally watch those last 4-5 episodes with a fresh perspective#but at the same time this is How Many Years ive missed out on being able to talk about it lmao#maybe there is a renaissance. idk i havent looked into it too much but i guess i should now huh#we'll see if things are any different or if it's just the same shit i got tired of the first time around#but anyway. the show is still fun and i enjoyed it for the most part. very sad to see it go#mine#voltron
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I'm pretty sure I've been forgotten around here, but I did wanna pop in and mention how excited I am that tomorrow I'm gonna have fun at the local con with my partner! 🫶 I'm gonna get self ship art signed for 4 different f/os!!
#jane journals#self insert talk#not saying who yet cause i want it to be a surprise!!#even if no one sees it im probably gonna post the art w the signatures after the con is over#and furthermore i might be making/revamping a woy-sona....#idk im still generally not feelin a ton of self ship feelings but its nice to think about those things#but ofc im excited about the con regardless!! who wouldnt be ive been looking forward to it for ages!!#its gonna be so fun and i cant wait to sleep and have it be tomorrow and enjoy it w my beloved 😭😭😭
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welcome to the life of a quiet lab technician
#i started a not so berry save <3#this is my 10th nsb save i need serious help#im having so much fun she hates ppl and has no friends and stays inside all day ordering takeout and watching tv like i get her#she's mean but will soften eventually#wanted to pursue criminology but her passion for the extraterrestrial was stronger#degree in computer science so she can write a mean code!!!!#always been morbid and just overall weird (in the nicest way possible)#def the b*tch of the workplace 😭#its summer rn so maybe she’ll make some friends by the fall time <3#its hard to see her having friends bc of how jealous and mean she is but it wouldnt be realistic gameplay without-#-your sims having character development so im excited to see her change for the better when she decides to start a family for example#not exactly following nsb by the book but rather making it my own style/story and having fun with it 😊#nsbsave#nsbgen1#ts4#sims 4 gameplay
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I cant be, what you need, I am stuck, in a dream, I am stuck, in a dream.
#sorry for relating to him guys ill walk myself out#anyways this is everso slightly inspired by kizuki eye!!! slightly since i. havent been able to read and havent seen all the goings on😭😭#one day.. one day ill catch up i will.. but yeah i kinda associate this song heavily with lotus dreams and kizuki eye with what i HAVE seen#douma#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#douma demon slayer#btw please check out kizuki eye i begibeg check out tobytoon i beg i beg !! they understand douma and enmu like no one else#anyways yeah.. imagery of interacting with ur own child self haunts me a little#i have dreams like this every so often and i think douma should too because despite evrything i deeply beliece#he too thinks that perhaps. if someone had cared for that child than he wouldnt exist#he too sees that child as a seperate entity#he too sometimes feels that distant yearning to comfort what no longer exists#SOOOORRRY ANYYWAAAYS haha douma a fun guy am i right guys. .
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I also made my friend watch Claymore and they were a big fan of Ophelia, so I drew some OpheliaxClaire for them in drawpile for goofs uwu
Did you guys ever notice just how many scenes there are of Claire laying face down on the ground? I'm starting to suspect she actually likes it... too much, perhaps...
#claymore#ophelia claymore#claire claymore#just imagine the kind of toxic yuris they would have been if ophelia had lived...#swap out raki w ophelia and have Claire followed by TWO weirdos who are insanely overprotective of her and totally obsessed with her#what I wouldnt give to see it.............#yuri#what could have been....#fanart#im sorry these are all the scraps im throwing you claymore fandom I just did it for fun very quickly vv;
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missing the maribelle/tharja family unit today. i think maribelle would be elated to have a daughter. she meets noire for the first time and she goes “do you play chess? violin? ride? drink tea?” and noire goes “no but im really good at throwing up in a bucket” and maribelles like “oh!!!! okay!!!!” i think she finds noire’s talisman persona charming. chrom is like “um maribelle can you please go get your daughter… she’s terrorizing the camp” and she goes “shes harmless! why do you hate women?” and he never speaks on it again. i think tharja needs a kid that will beef with her and i think brady is 100% the guy to do it. i think she looks at him and goes “what is your problem” and he flips her off. she tries to curse him but he spins his staff ninja style deflecting them back at her. he serves tea to his moms but he spits in tharjas and she knows it. and then she drinks it because it pisses him off. brady could come to love her at some point but it will not be easy and it will not come without a lot of work and a lot of arguing and i think i need some more parent/child conflict in this game. awakening gets one f bomb and its hidden in the random tharja brady PC support where he just goes “FUCK YOU” Tharja and Brady attained support level B.
#ann plays awakening#they are my favorites…#and like. besides the big four of the awakening kids#brady and noire have always been my favorites…#i like to think about this family a lot even if i dont talk about them quite as frequently#i wish i had something to write about for them like contained into a fic but i dont have any ideas that could get me that#far#just little thoughts about what i want to see#brady and tharja especially like i understand why noire loves tharja i do#curses aside thats still your mom who raised you and protected you#and everyone processes trauma and grief differently#but i think brady would be a fun counterbalance bc i think he would be pissed!!#rightfully so!!!#i like to think that while his talent for healing magic comes from maribelle#he only really took it up after maribelle died because there was no one else to protect his sister#and i think noire wouldnt mind taking the brunt of tharja’s cruelty if it meant her brother wouldnt#like god… they could be the cutest siblings ever#and the saddest.#also i j think that the parent child conflicts in this game are lacking#you have gerome and cherche but thats entirely one sided and its bc gerome is scared not bc of any malice#severa is a little bit harsher just because shes severa but the same thing goes down with her and cordy where shes just scared.#and a little bitter bc of the chrom thing but mostly scared#and its like. cherche and cordelia didnt even do anything wrong anyways. tharja did and someone should call her ass out!!!!!#i love tharja btw. not a tharja hate post but i think it would be fun if she was forced to confront her potential fate#by looking at the direct consequence of her future actions (angry son who hates her) if she doesnt change#JUST SAYING#whatever anyways. tharjabelle family unit hit post
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what piercings does Danny have in your CFAU?
Danny’s got double lobe piercings on both ears, and then helixes, and an orbital on one side! Then he’s got an eyebrow piercing on the right side of his face. I don’t have any particular reason for why he’s got piercings as an adult, I just thought it’d be a fun way to indicate a physical change from when he was 14 and last saw the Waynes, to the next time they see him. Although with this version of Danny (rather than my original, unserious beta version of CFAU), it probably would follow that he'd potentially get piercings when he was older. (So not a total shock)
#dpxdc#dp x dc#cfau#childhood friends au#cfau danny#piercings#danny did his lobe piercings at home but the upper parts were done by a professional in the ghost zone#his ghostly healing means he couldnt go to a human piercer it’d heal in an instant#i’ve considered giving him snakebites. or a tongue piercing#guys with piercings >>>#playing dress up with your characters is the best part of making an au!#its also lowkey a relic to what my original childhood friends au was like in my head when it was still more of a 'daydream au'#which was more cracky and unserious. it leaned more into danny being more like his pre-canon self ie: meekish and shy when he was in gotham#so him having piercings/being more confident/cursing/etc the next time they saw him would come off as more of a drastic change considering#the last time they saw him (when jason was alive) he was a skittish and quiet kid. bookish. him turning out all goth-rock and punkish and#willing to throw hands with anyone he sees. would have been a big “huh??” moment for jason and co#hey wouldn't it be fun if jason had a childhood friend who moved away when he was a kid and returned to kill#the joker after he died? and that friend looked almost unrecognizable from his memories?#'daydream aus' are what i call aus that aren't all that serious and stem from listening to music and daydreaming. they're largely silly#unserious. and more “hah wouldnt this scene/idea be fun” and would've been harder to write down as a longform au. cfau stemmed from me#listening to music and going and then it spiraled from there.
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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Honestly rather happy with Artfight this year. I was in one of those weird spots for the first half the event but honestly did a lot of work (for me, at least) in the second half once that funk left. Mostly did revenges this year which was kinda surprisingly fun, even though I had way more attacks than I could reasonably revenge. In the end technically did 'less' than last year but Im happy with what I did do. Good run!
#Admittedly I think part of the weird spot is just that ive been drawing RW art nonstop for like 2-3 years now and am finally hitting that#bump a bit where youve just drawn a LOT for something. I wouldnt even say Im burned out on RW cause I still think it through constantly jus#that theres a lot of art done. which i think is part of the reason why a lot of my current RW stuff is more fringe concepts like xenobiolog#or anthro au stuff were its a lil more removed from the base#Which is kinda just how things go with art :) im still having fun but we'll see#t.extpost
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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