#she's truly something else this season and i'm loving it so much

[kanansdume]

Thank-you lol, I appreciate the faith. In fairness, it wouldn't be that hard to make a better show than the Ahsoka show, it was complete and utter trash from concept to execution.

That being said, I don't know that I would've completely removed her "Anakin issues" as the core of the Ahsoka show. As much as Ahsoka seems to come to the conclusion that she can't save Anakin at the end of Rebels, you could make an EASY argument that she hasn't really made her peace with that and that her history with him and what it MEANS for her that Anakin made these choices would still burden her. Rebels never really focused on it a lot because Ahsoka's not the main character of Rebels, it quite simply isn't her story, and I'd even to some degree say that she got TOO MUCH focus in Rebels (her struggle with the truth about Anakin has next to no real connection with or impact on the true main characters of the story, and it barely even parallels what they're going through until this moment in season 4).

The Ahsoka show made several fatal errors in how it handled this, though, some structural and some thematic. The main structural issue is simply that it got made into the "middle part" of some sort of overarching Mandoverse storyline that never should've existed in the first place, AND got included in the Rebels "Search for Ezra" plot that was likely should've focused more on Sabine than on Ahsoka (and we'll set aside for this post just how badly this show butchered poor Sabine since it isn't relevant to this discussion but OH BOY). Both of these things make it near impossible to truly focus in on Ahsoka's relationship with Anakin in a way that matters or makes sense.

Ahsoka's show SHOULD'VE probably been set some time between Rebels season 4 (or even theoretically Rebels season 2 since that's when Ahsoka actually comes back to) and the epilogue bit with Sabine. Show us HOW Ahsoka grew from that person who's still sort-of lost and defeated and stunned at the revelation of what Anakin became to the wise shaman in white she seems to have become in the epilogue. Show us how she even got off of Malachor in the first place, what kind of crazy bullshit did she have to do to escape the Sith planet, and how did the time she had to have spent on there impact her? Her show should've been an ENTIRELY new story with all new characters for her to interact with and learn from (I MIGHT have made an exception for someone like Barriss whose narrative at this point would kind-of revolve around her betrayal of Ahsoka anyway, and this could tie in quite nicely to what Ahsoka's going through).

The main THEMATIC issue with the Ahsoka show is that she decides at the end of it that none of the bad things Anakin did actually even mattered, because he did them "for love," and it was "meant to be," and she just sets all of that aside to remember him as a "good" master and basically nothing else. This is, PERHAPS, something of a bad faith interpretation of what the show was trying to get across, but... I don't think I'm that far off honestly. It barely even acknowledges the things Anakin did, they barely say anything bad about Anakin at all (the worst ever said about him in this show was Ahsoka saying he was "more dangerous than anyone knew" which is super fucking vague) while constantly eviscerating the Jedi for being weak or failures or elitist assholes who didn't understand anything about how the world or the Force truly worked. Sabine's choice to help set Thrawn free just so she can get Ezra back isn't actually condemned as the selfish thing it actually is, and it's AHSOKA who has to apologize to SABINE for not supporting her later, and Ezra himself is never even allowed to have an opinion on it at all. Given all of the obvious parallels between Sabine's story and Anakin's in this show, it's pretty clear what the show is trying to tell us about Anakin and his choices to me.

But PERSONALLY, I'd have had Ahsoka come closer to the conclusion we saw in the Kenobi show. Some of this depends on where in the timeline you choose to set the narrative. If it's pre-ROTJ still and she doesn't know Anakin's dead yet, she has to just accept that Anakin's evil and chosen to remain that way and there's nothing she can do to change that. She can choose to still remember him fondly and recognize that he'd once been a good person that she loved WHILE ALSO acknowledging he made some unforgivable choices that she can't condone. If it's post-ROTJ, then she has to accept both that Anakin chose to be an evil person AND that he was capable of being saved, but NOT BY HER. Like, consider how that knowledge impacts Ahsoka, Ahsoka who looks at Ezra trying so hard to save a master who sacrificed himself to save others, and realizes that her master is equally incapable of being saved but for the opposite reasons, and then having to hear that Anakin DID change in the end, that he COULD be saved, but he just wouldn't have done it for Ahsoka. And she just has to accept that because he's dead now. There's no changing the choices he made, but even if she chooses to remember the person he once was fondly, I don't think she'd ever truly be able to forgive that he refused to come back for her.

I wanted Ahsoka to LET GO of Anakin, I wanted her to recognize that he left her behind and, as much of an impact as that relationship had on her, she's spent most of her life WITHOUT HIM and that he is not the person who defines who she is now or who she'll be later. I wanted Ahsoka to recognize that Anakin never truly cared about her as much as she cared about him and that she had to just leave him behind in her past. Maybe he was a good master once, maybe some of the things he taught her were still worthwhile, but she's learned so many things since then that have proven to be more helpful and she learned so much from other Jedi both before him and after him that will ultimately allow her to find balance in a way he never did. I wanted Ahsoka to finally BREAK FREE of Anakin. But the Ahsoka show chose instead to yoke her to him instead, to define her by her relationship to him above and beyond literally any other relationships she might have had or will have in the future. Ahsoka deserved better than that, and I'll never forgive this show for doing this to her.

(And then in a second season you could've like brought in the whole concept of her taking on a Padawan and focused in on the whole "child soldier" thing and how spending years at war has impacted her and what that means about what she can pass on to a student, but the primary important relationship in this season would've been REX, and the student FOR DAMN SURE wouldn't have been fucking Sabine Wren. And only once ALL OF THIS was done would I have accepted a Search for Ezra narrative that wasn't even truly ABOUT Ahsoka at all, but about Sabine herself and about discovering this new galaxy.)

I really liked how Ahsoka’s hypocrisy in how she handles the battle with Anakin is later dealt with to give her actual growth in the World Between Worlds episode of season four.

Initially, we have Ahsoka telling off Hera in the season one finale for going after Kanan despite the risk to her crew, naming the message Ezra had sent out as part of the reason why they all needed to LIVE, as symbols of hope. She tells Hera that she has to let Kanan go, leave him for dead, so the rest of the Ghost crew can survive. Of course, Hera ultimately dismisses this and they go save Kanan and Ahsoka ends up showing up to save them all because now that they’ve made this choice, the Rebellion can’t just let them all die and is willing to put in the work to rescue them and bring them into the wider Rebellion.

But it ends up feeling like Ahsoka was just spouting empty platitudes at Hera that she doesn’t necessarily believe or follow herself. She’s following in her Master’s footsteps of using the tried and true “do as I say, not as I do” method of teaching. Because she spends all of season two trying desperately to deny the fact she discovers in the beginning of the season about Anakin having become a Sith. And in the end, she chooses to let herself die with him rather than leave Anakin behind and save herself along with Kanan and Ezra. She has a chance, she COULD escape Anakin, but she chooses not to. Because the guilt she feels for having left the Order (and therefore Anakin) and the part that may or may not have played in Anakin’s choices later are eating at her and consuming her. She lets her attachment to Anakin get the better of her and in doing so, she robs the Rebellion of her skills, her assets, her support. She robs Kanan and Ezra of another Jedi to connect to and seek guidance from.

When Ezra saves her, he just sort-of grabs her from behind, she seems to have no real idea he’s even there until she’s through the portal with him. And while she’s not upset with him for what he’s done, she just seems to refocus on the problem at hand and the mystery literally surrounding them.

Up until they find the portal leading to Kanan’s final moments, and she sees Ezra desperately wanting to save him, too. She sees Ezra consumed in that grief over the loss of his Master, unable to see what she can see from a more objective position. That Kanan made his choice, a choice that saved them all, and Ezra’s desire to save Kanan and remove him from this moment like he did her would go against what Kanan’s sacrifice had been for. It would disrespect everything Kanan had chosen to do in that moment.

And she sees, finally, through having to stop Ezra from saving Kanan, that she can’t save Anakin either.

Because Anakin might have been kind once. He might have cared about people once.

But now, he’s just someone who tried to kill her. Now, he’s a Sith Lord hell bent on terrorizing the galaxy and the Jedi. She can’t save him. Before, she reacted to knowing that by deciding that if she couldn’t save him, then she’d die with him, just to prove that she wouldn’t leave him. Now, she promises Ezra that, even though she has to go back through the portal to her own timeline, she’ll find him. She’s not just going to let herself die with Anakin, she’s not going to let her grief consume her, and she’s going to reconnect with a fellow Jedi who is now, so far as either of them know, completely alone in the galaxy.

I love how watching Ezra overcome his own grief, work past his own selfish desire to save Kanan and recognize why he can’t, accept the choices Kanan made even if he doesn’t like them, allows Ahsoka to accept the truth about Anakin and overcome her own guilt in order to move forward from it. She finally understands the real meaning behind why the Jedi forbade attachments, just like we see Kanan learning the true meaning behind Jedi teachings as HE teaches them to Ezra earlier in the show.

[chemicallywrit]

Well well well, look who has time to write an audio drama Sunday post this week!

🎭 I have the same feelings as everyone else about @224bbaker this week (which is to say AAAAAAAAA). Truly there is no experience more mortifying and better for the soul than improv. And as usual, I love the team stumbling ass over teakettle into the right answer right at the end. This team is KILLING it this season.

🎬 I've been listening to Good Story Guild's new podcast, In Media Res, and y'all...holy crap. Do you like messy emotional drama? Do you like real world implications? Do you want a no-punches pulled look at an industry that claims to be about art? Then watch best friends Alex and Coen attempt to make good on The Lucky Break of a lifetime, and watch every single thing it costs them. The episode this week nearly killed me.

🌚 I find that there are so many good horror anthologies that it's possible to get lost in the weeds sometimes. Thirteen, Nightlight, and Waterlogged all do a really good job of distinguishing themselves. But no one is scarier or better than @goodpointepodcasts' Someone Just Like You. And this episode....sheesh, Sarah Golding is an absolute legend, and the cadence and familiar commercial nature of the way our narrator talks about moon rock is...chilling.

🌺 My beloved Bardic Hearth used this week's episode to open up the worldbuilding around the pantheon in this fantasy world. It is so fun to hear gods bickering like children, and it does an excellent job of setting up the stakes of this tiny inn in this dangerous forest. Something's Up. I can't wait to find out what.

🕵️‍♂️ I've been listening to Mission: Rejected, and folks, if you've been looking for an audio drama sitcom, this is the one for you. It's fast-paced and madcap and hilarious. The premise is that these are the adventures of the backup team to their James Bond analogue, and they're only sometimes competent. It's a sitcom format with a wholesome center, I just listened to the season finale and I am worried about my girl McGrath, is she good???

⛽️ I've also been catching up on Tales of THATTOWN, a horror comedy set in a fictional Appalachian Alabama town, made by the people who live there, lovingly and incessantly razzing their home. It is so funny. It feels like hanging out with those dudes you know who make questionable choices but are so much fun. Sure, Tyler, you're a wizard and an IT expert, let's go check out this abandoned rest stop that's definitely a Jigsaw trap. Why not.

I'm trying to wrangle words out of my brain to get Inn Between written, but I'm also trying to fight my way through the last few weeks of school. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. As are your tips, if you feel like it.

See you soon!

[dredgesnails]

it's very funny seeing the tuff guys talk about gem being so passive this season because on the one hand i totally see why, considering she's happy to let her barn burn down and she's brushed off the many attempts on her life and continued to stay allied with a number of them (even encouraged them to kill her), but i don't think she's as passive as they say.

i think she's being held back, like a hunting dog on a leash. gem likes to play the game and the game says green lives cant kill, but she's still bloodthirsty. she's so happy to convince everyone else to kill anyone but herself (mostly scott, to be honest). she helped scar build a trap and lured cleo in. all he had to do was pull the trigger. she planned to team up with jimmy to kill scott, and even when scott was no longer dark green she tried to convince him to go through with their plan anyway. she wants to pvp pearl, one on one, the honourable way. even back in episode three she was talking to her snail about what a great team they'd make (if only it wasn't targeting only her).

she's playing the long game but its only a matter of time before (like etho's apt volcano metaphor) she unleashes carnage on the server, and we've seen what that looks like in secret life.

[lisdens]

i fear some people aren't ready to face the fact that at some point vi had to let go of her parentified-child role because it would also mean understanding that jinx is an adult who makes her own choices and doesn't need protection the same way she needed back when they were kids. vi says so herself ('why did you come get me? you don't actually need my help, you haven't for a long time').

everyone who expected vi to become some sort of leader for zaun didn't understand that the reason she fought so hard in her youth for her family was because what she truly craved for was safety for herself and her loved ones. it's the whole reason she has that conversation with vander back in episode 2 of season 1.

vi going after jinx when caitlyn opens the cell would only reinforce the idea that vi has to step into the role of caregiver/protector again. vi isn't jinx's mom, she's her sister, and she has her own battle against her internal demons.

in fact, she spirals down very quickly once locked inside the cell, which is later reflected when caitlyn finds her; she's certain she screwed up again and she believes she's lost both jinx and caitlyn, and she knows it happened because vi was being herself, by doing something she wouldn't have done during her act1 self.

her fallout with caitlyn happened because caitlyn couldn't accept who vi truly is, so how can vi expect caitlyn to be okay with what she's done, when that was the reason they grew apart in the first place?

because caitlyn chooses vi, she prioritizes her over her revenge. caitlyn lets go of it because she loves vi for who she is, and not despite it.

jinx and vi love each other unconditionally, even if they don't understand each other entirely ('i didn't get to do much of this with my sister, she was more into hitting things'), so how could anyone outside of her family love vi, while simultaneously understanding her?

vi probably just went through ten different scenarios of how caitlyn is going to reject her for it, for showing who she is, and who she's always been.

and what does caitlyn do in response?

by this point caitlyn doesn't believe vi has forgiven her, so the whole 'you've grown a bit predictable' isn't a pickup line to get in her pants.

this is caitlyn's attempt at cracking a joke.

vi's worries are met with a dumb phrase that's meant to cheer her up, the same way vi did back in episode 1 ('thought for sure you were gonna get yourself killed').

she spiraled down believing she had lost everyone, and caitlyn proves her wrong with an easy smile and a reassurance; 'this is who you are, i know it, watch me be more than okay with it'.

this, for vi, must feel so, so freeing.

this is the one thing she's been craving for her whole life; the feeling of safety. i'm me, and i'm safe to exist that way in here.

she spent her entire childhood fighting to provide that stability for her family because she was given no other choice but to step into that role, she pushed her own needs aside to make sure everyone else was okay. and now, her sister is an adult who has survived without vi's protection, who has accomplished a lot of things without her big sister by her side.

now it's vi's turn to crave safety, it's vi's turn to choose and let someone else make her feel safe and reassured.

vi's not a symbol of zaun, that's what characters like sevika and ekko exist for; neither of them were pressured to step in and take that role, they fight for their city because they chose to and because they want to (and, if i might add, they're very good at it!).

she's just a girl who went through some really fucked up things in life and only ever wished for a little stability.

and she finds that in caitlyn, so she chooses it.

[melodyanqel]

Heart Stealer | w.hj

summary: a little angel visits her father at his workplace.

pairing: husband!father!ha-joon x wife!mother!reader

genre/tags: fluff, established relationship, married couple, the cast of squid game being a family

wc: 1.2k words

a/n: it's been so so so long since i last wrote a one shot and i missed these. so i did one of my beloved hajoon hehe. i'm also planning to do more of my fav k-actors and dramas/shows so stay tuned! enjoy reading my luvs

pt. 2 - fairness

Squid Game is a worldwide phenomenon, and one of the most appealing features is the set designs. You are a passionate set designer. You illustrate your imagination and make it come to life for Squid Game and other popular Korean movies and dramas. 

Aside from your entertainment career, you are a mother and wife to one beautiful baby girl and the magnificent actor, Wi Ha-joon. Your love story with him is like something out of a K-drama.

The couple met during the first season of Squid Game and somehow Ha-joon found interest in a lovely woman who taught him how to draw the masks of the Pink Guards. Then, he asked her if she was available after filming. Like that, a spark ignited between the actor and the set designer. 

Ha-joon saw that you were the one for him, the starlight who showed him the brightest and happiest pathway in life. So, he proposed a hand in marriage. You straightaway agreed to be his wife and unexpectedly become the mother of his children. 

Wi Hwa-young is the cutest and sweetest baby angel. 

She immediately received so much love from Ha-joon’s fans and celebrity friends. She has her mother’s pretty eyes and lips while she has her father’s cute ears and elegant face shape and nose. She might become the next beauty queen in Asia and other places.

Hwa-young is also super talkative or babbles nonsense because she loves people’s attention and they just laugh and smile at her. Of course, like most daughters, she is a daddy’s girl. Hwa-young would get excited whenever you say, “Appa” or Ha-joon’s name. 

A week before continuing to film Squid Game 2, you told her about taking her to work and Ha-joon will be there. Hwa-young happily bounced in her height chair and squealed. You couldn’t resist squishing her mochi-like cheeks and hugging her tiny body because she was too adorable. It warms your heart that she loves Ha-joon so much. He once doubted himself about not being the perfect father and it’s common for most upcoming dads to get nervous, but for him it’s different. 

Ha-joon is an actor with so much fame and will likely be out and less at home. Like the best wife that you are, you assured him that he wouldn’t be the worst father in the world because he truly cares about you and Hwa-young. Ha-joon cried when you comforted him. It also made you love him more whenever he expressed his vulnerability. 

Now in the present time, the family will continue to grow happy and healthy. 

“Wow! You look like a princess!” 

Hwa-young is sitting on the bed as you dress her up. It’s spring so you have her dressed in a pink floral dress with short sleeves, frilly socks, and strapped shoes. You even added a bow clip with a glittery heart in the middle on her ebony hair. “Are you excited to see appa?” You asked and earned a joyful giggle. You etched a smile. “He is excited too. How about Jung-jae samchon, Byung-hun samchon, and everyone else?” You say the names of the famous actors and Hwa-young continues to giggle out loud. 

Once finishing her outfit, you take your child, purse, and baby bag, ready to leave the apartment. It’s very spacious with a gorgeous view of the city and perfect for a family of three. You enter your car to buckle up Hwa-young in her seat. She is seven months old and is close to the stage where she can walk. She has been crawling and it amazes her parents how fast she moves. Maybe one day she’ll become athletic like Ha-joon. 

You shut the driver’s door and start up the vehicle. “Ready baby?” You reached your hand behind your seat to touch Hwa-young’s small hand. She shakes yours as a response. You chuckle, “Okay. Let’s go!” You begin exiting the parking lot and making your way to the studio. It’ll be another long filming day, but Hwa-young will brighten the mood as you work. 

The thirty-minute drive was smooth, considering it was the weekend and usually gets hectic. You arrived at the place and parked the car. “We’re here, baby.” You tell your daughter, who babbles so cutely. You then gathered yourself to help Hwa-young out of her seat and take your belongings. A mother is always carrying a lot of stuff so it’s typical. 

You have your ID badge around your neck for access management and a sense of identity. All of your colleagues wear them because working in the film industry is like working in an ordinary job but with celebrities. People must know your name to communicate and cooperate with you. And it’s to show you are working for the production team. 

As soon as you walk in, the staff members greet you and Hwa-young, more like going frantic when they see her. She does the same by flailing her arms with a big smile. 

After saying hello to the staff members, you go to your office. While going through the hallways in a big studio, you see the cast members are together in a room, rehearsing their lines. 

Ha-nuel is the first person to see you and Hwa-young. “Y/N! Princess! Hello!” A large smile plays on his handsome face. In unison, the men and women are ecstatic to see you both. 

Jung-jae reaches out his arms. “Come to samchon!” He beams at the sight of the baby. You handed Hwa-young to the star of the show. She instantly got comfortable in his arms. “You’re much bigger now,” Jung-jae said, kissing her forehead. Byung-hun is next to him and he gently pokes Hwa-young's soft chubby cheek. “You look so pretty today. Are you a real angel?” He asked and his index finger got held by Hwa-young’s little hands. 

You and the actors and actresses laughed merrily at the precious interaction. One by one, they all take turns holding Hwa-young because she is their mood booster and is clearly enjoying it. Your baby should be called, ”Little Miss Popular.” 

Si-wan was the last person to hold her and she squished his cheeks, hard. “Hwa-young-ah! Samchon loves you too!” He cried out through the pain yet allowed her to do whatever she wanted. Yu-ri takes out her phone to snap a picture. “Aww so cute!” She gushed at the moment and everyone did the same thing—taking videos and pictures of Si-wan getting attacked by Hwa-young.

Ae-sim says, “For such a tiny being she is strong.” The oldest of the cast is amazed by Hwa-young’s growth. You nodded, “Ha-joon’s child through and through.” You and the people can see the resemblance. 

Then, the man of the hour walks into the room. He is wearing all black, fluffy dark hair down, and the slight stubble on his upper lip is showing. Ha-joon’s appearance looks mysterious and cold but he quickly smiles when he spots the love of his life and princess. 

“Wow, this room is cheery.” Ha-joon comments on the upbeat atmosphere. You tell him, “Well your daughter has the effect.” You watch Hwa-young pulling on Si-wan’s hair. 

Ha-joon snickered and helped his friend out. “You little mischief. Are you stealing people’s hearts?” He gingerly takes his daughter into his arms and nuzzles his nose against her nose. She squeals at the ticklish touch.

Seo-hwan speaks out of the blue, “Just like her father.” His comment has the cast and you laughing, jovially. Ha-joon blushed and Hwa-young looked clueless. Dong-uk cleared his throat from laughing too much. “She will become a heart stealer when she grows older.” He stated, which has the father chuckling nervously. 

“I hope not,” Ha-joon replied in a playful yet stern voice. You sighed and rolled your eyes because you expected him to be overprotective. 

[skzaholix]

amore , mio stray kids series

AMORE MIO : otherwise known as "my love" is a collective bunch short love stories about our favorite boys based on songs to celebrate the upcoming love season, winter !

HE'S A GENTLEMAN , c.b - in progress / highschool au / sunshine / grumpy trope ! you've always been one who is oppressive to love, rightfully so, you've been through many heartbreaks. yet, what happens when the one guy you've never shown much of an interest in, shows you what love truly is?

MILLION DOLLAR MAN , l.m - in progress / fake dating trope / holidate au "they say money can't buy happiness, but money bought you, didn't it?" in which the million-dollar man chooses you to be his fake date for each holiday with his nagging family.

ARE YOU LONELY? , s.c - in progress / enemies (?) to lovers / popular prson, loser boy trope being popular doesn't mean having friends, at least friends who are real, so what happens when the only person there for you, is the one person that you hate?

KISS ME , h.h - in progress / she's all that au / popular boy , nerdy other trope popular boy, hwang hyunjin gets peer pressured into a bet to date the nerdy, pretentious, loser of the school and to make them popular in 6 weeks yet, what happens when you become more than just a bet?

LOVE , h.j - finished / starcrossed lovers / rich and poor au / lovesick! jisung " It doesn't matter if I'm not enough for the future or the things to come cause I'm young and in love " you're in different worlds yet individuals who love each other, you've accepted it. you know you can't be together but he just can't get enough.

LOVE STORY , l.f - in progress / starcrossed lovers / prince and painter au months, weeks, days are coming very close til prince felix is crowned king and before he does that, he needs to pick someone to rule with him but, why can't it be you?

I WANNA BE YOURS , k.sm - in progress / fake enemies to lovers / sunshine and grumpy trope in the eyes of seungmin, you're annoying, you're too bright, and definitely too happy so when you take notice of that and decide to hang with someone else, why does it make him... jealous?

THE NIGHT WE MET, y.j - in progress / strangers to lovers / starstruck(?) au you, getting away from a crowd of your family's bodyguards ran into him yang jeongin, the man you'll spend a night of fun, scares and more with

AUTHORS NOTE: happy (almost) holidays everyone, i had so much fun preparing these plots for everyone, i kinda feel like we need more sfw fluff in the skz or even more writing communities so i decided to muster up my very first series lmk what ygs think maybe i'll do more series i also wanted to do something new for some members than expected soooo

[sparrowlucero]

thoughts on thasmin?

I find it (and a lot of the era) both pretty fascinating and kind of miserable and also not very good. I think enough has been said about how it goes basically unacknowledged until the last 3 episodes and how it feels queerbaity and how the main episode grappling with it is pretty bad, so let me throw something else into the ring: I think it thematically works, it's just that the themes are fucking nuts. In my opinion, the Chibnall era and especially its finale is, at the end of the day, trying to reconcile something it finds emotionally unsatisfying about the classic show - mainly that characters will leave the show suddenly and never really be mentioned again - by characterizing the Doctor as a person who habitually shuts people out before ultimately dropping contact with them and leaving them to emotionally deal with that. Dan, on day one of returning home, is immediately left with the impression that the Doctor is angry with him. After that, you see 80s characters Tegan and Ace on year 30, who have spent a sizeable amount of their lives under a similar impression. The Doctor, the show is saying, is someone who can never cease abandoning people and leaving them with this strife. Time will always run out, a production fact reimagined as a deepset anxiety for the characters. Everyone she knows will be doomed to the same fate of lost contact no matter what, and Yaz is next on the chopping block:

even though the doctor is the one rejecting her (and will ultimately leave her) by what's seemingly her own volition, she expresses that she doesn't actually want that at all. It's just, to her mind, unavoidable:

So you know theoretically I like this, there's something heady and despairing and metafictional about it. "I'm sorry Yaz, I'm fucked, I know for a fact that this season is gonna end and I'm gonna move on to the next person because that's how the casting works on this show so we might as well just cut it here." I feel like the obvious payoff to this would be the character going against this thought process in some way at the end, love is more important than inevitable loss, or whatever. But it actually comes to much weirder conclusion: It absolves the Doctor entirely. Her viewpoint is, in the end, truly objective and justified. She's positioned as someone who genuinely lacks agency, and the harm caused by these relationships suddenly ending and her never contacting again is simply an inevitable fact of the universe; even when she herself seems to be at fault, it's not a thing she herself actually does to people with any intent to harm. Most interestingly, I think, the emotional turmoil of the companions is characterized as basically being their own fault. Yaz tells Dan, for instance, that he's misinterpreting the Doctor being upset at him; she's acting that way because simply because she "doesn't like goodbyes" rather than out of anger:

Any assumption Tegan has made about why she never heard from him again is negated; he always cared, she just didn't get him:

Most pointedly, Ace's emotional resolution involves her acknowledging that she was entirely wrong in judging him for anything, as she was simply failing to grasp his personal burden:

TLDR; I think the thesis statement at the end of the chibnall era is basically "The Doctor leaves everyone, that's how the show works, and the only way the characters can find resolution is to move forward and just accept that it's not the Doctor's fault and no bad feelings were ever involved." (I think this is, again, the result of attempting to recontextualize the doctor losing contact with characters suddenly and with little or no resolution in the classic show as an entirely intentional character beat for her, without coming to any overly nasty conclusions about her being in the wrong)

So on that note, there's a lot of confusion over Yaz's ending; the doctor, dying, is like "well, that's it then, I'd rather be alone now" and Yaz accepts this without further pushback. It's not made especially clear why she has to leave or why she doesn't argue the point, and a lot of people have struggled to explain why she actually leaves (as they've never sent anyone away when they've died before)

I don't think this is quite as random as it's usually taken, though; Yaz here leaves the show when subject to the same inevitable abandonment the story has been exploring the entire time, but unlike the other characters, she actually gets the doctor. She's connected to them on a deep enough level to understand that they're not actually leaving on bad terms. She's accepted her role in this cycle and the doctor's lack of fault in it and will therefore never be tegan or ace or dan wondering what went wrong. She, unlike the doctor, holds all the agency here. It's her actions going forward that will determine if this is tragedy or merely bittersweet. And we know it's the latter, because she knows not to say goodbye. genuinely batshit and i kind of have to respect it. anyways I also just have to say it's wild that they have a set up where the doctor pressures yaz into taking a gun against her better judgement and then later gets shot and it's 1) not yaz who shoots her, 2) not the same gun and 3) not what kills her. my god they were so close to some insane tragically ironic gay drama there and they fucked it up. unforgivable. think of the fanart.

[jezabelle9299]

You're It for me S.R x FEM! reader

Overture- Your walking through a used bookstore when you spot an old magazine with your boyfriends face on the cover-- not for his academic ability

CWs- Comparison to Lila Archer, feeling replaceable, this is diet angst- I don't have the guts or skill for the truly heart wrenching, kissing

A/N- I was kind of picturing an early season 2 Spencer? Like they've been dating for a while, but like-- not more than maybe 2 years, so they're still a little bit nervous. Also this is the first of many things I'm doing this December so hopefully everything goes well and if you want to read any of the other things I'm doing you could do so HERE

Right in your favorite used bookstore, on top of some other old magazines, there it was. It caught your eye at first because of the vibrant photo— but when you stopped to look you saw a beautiful young actress rubbing her face onto your wonderful boyfriend's hand. You felt sick, but you pushed through it to buy the stupid thing so you could read it. 

You barely made it through the checkout line, pale as a ghost and wishing you’d never walked in there. Because why didn’t he tell you? The publishing date was only months before you started dating and he hated touch. Was this a long relationship? An intimate moment no one else was supposed to see?

By the time you got to your car you’d ripped the plastic covering off the magazine opening up the article about Lila Archer. You hadn’t really heard of her before, but she was gorgeous. The more you read about the ‘secret relationship’ between her and Spencer the more upset you got— until in one of the final sentences it said one of their reporters found them in a pool—fully clothed—making out. Spencer. Your germaphobic boyfriend who was nervous about so much as touching you in passing for your first 3 dates jumped into a pool to make out with someone he couldn’t have known for that long.

You sat on the couch in your apartment after a silent ride home. Spencer was supposed to meet you to spend some time together, he’d be landing any minute– but it was all you could do not to cry. It was before you were dating but you just felt– Insecure? Replaceable? You weren’t quite sure, but comparison stole your joy and left you with nothing but a sour mood and a boyfriend on his way to see you– one who was qualified to notice that you were upset nearly immediately upon seeing you. 

“Hey honey— I’m so glad I’m finally home. I’ve missed you so much.” He walked through the door, you’d told him so many times that he could come in without knocking– he even had his own key– and he moved straight to you. He leaned in to kiss you, but your lips were unrelenting, not soft like they usually were. You weren’t in the mood for romance right now and he wanted to figure out why. 

Not that you always had to be in the mood for physical touch, but usually when he got home from longer cases you were on him from the moment he walked through the door. He loved that— he missed that right now. 

“Is something wrong? Are you ok?”

“Yeah Spence, I’m fine.” You plastered on your best fake smile to no avail, only making Spencer more concerned in your efforts. 

“Did something happen while I was gone?”

“Nothing happened.” 

“I know you’re not telling me something. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.” Despite his words, his tone wasn’t accusatory at all. Only concerned. 

“I don’t need help— I just saw something that kind of… freaked me out is all.” You were really trying to downplay the effect that stupid magazine cover had on you.

“Did I leave one of my case files laying around? Oh honey I’m so sorry— I thought I picked them all up before I left.”He was wracked with guilt over something that didn’t even happen. 

“No Spencer it wasn’t that. It was a magazine? You were on the cover.” You thought he knew what you were talking about. I mean he’s been in a few science magazines for his academic ability, but nothing else like this. At least you certainly hoped not. 

“What magazine? From this month?” 

“No— it was a few months before we started dating. It was you and Lila Archer? I know it was before we started dating; and I know I have no right to be upset by it but it just— it just kind of took me by surprise, you know?”

“Oh. I forgot about that.” 

“You forgot about it? It said you were found fully clothed in her pool, and you just forgot?” You weren’t accusatory, just hurt—your voice was breaking by the end and you were still trying to look up at him. 

“It really wasn’t like that, I only knew her for a week— we were in LA because she was being stalked, I was supposed to be guarding her and she pulled me into the pool.” with just that one sentence he made it infinitely worse. He knew her for a week, and he wasn’t worried about her germs? What made her so different?

“You only knew her for a week?”

“Well–yes?” It was clear by the way he looked at you that he thought that would be a comforting notion. It was anything but. 

“On our first date you didn’t even want to touch me. You didn’t kiss me until we’d been dating for almost 2 weeks. I was perfectly fine with those things because I know you don’t really like touch but I need you to be honest with me about something. Do you just not like me as much? Because if you don’t that’s– well that’s ok. I mean I don’t want to be worried that you’re going to get a case in LA and find someone better.”

“Honey let me be perfectly clear– there is no one better. I love you more than anything or anyone on this Earth.” Spencer’s reassurance just wasn’t comforting you like it usually did. 

“Then–why? I mean do you just not think about me physically in that way?”

“I think the way I feel about you physically could easily be described as clingy and/or obsessed. You know this, sweetheart.” He held tightly onto your hands- rubbing the back of hand with his thumb

“Well now sure, but I honestly kind of thought you just weren’t attracted to me when we first started going out.”

“I was– and am for the record– extremely attracted to you. Some of my hesitance towards touching you was germ-based, but honestly I was just so ridiculously, extremely nervous around you that I was afraid to touch you and mess everything up.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, honey in case you hadn’t noticed you’re kind of it for me.” That feeling in the pit of your stomach finally subsided— giving way to the same feeling of love you always feel when Spencer wraps you in his arms. 

[hello-gloomy]

I know you are currently writing a fanfic of Stanley Snyder and will do Xeno next so I won't rush you or anything you could just put this aside and come back to it later.

Stanley Snyder x reader

Where reader is senku's bio older sister of a few years and has some mental issues due to seeing their parents die in front of them soon after senku was born and she didn't have much of an emotional relationship with senku but deep down she really loves him very much. Reader leaves Japan when senku is in middle school to pursue her ballet career in America where she was petrified. She woke up because she was somehow conscious during the 3400 years. She was found and taken to xeno and she tries to prove herself useful to them so not to get killed and somewhere along the way she has taken Stanley's interest. And the rest is up to you 😅. But also add the reunion of the two siblings where reader cries that senku isn't a stone and senku realizing he missed his sister(angst/comfort)

Add smut if you want that's all up to you🫰

-thanksssss🫶🫶

AHGSSGSHHSHSHS, how elegant, my dear anon!

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Never Again

Stanley Snyder x Fem!Reader

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Description: Finding Senku was the one thing that kept you awake while being trapped in stone. When finally awoken, you expect to see your younger sibling, but to your surprise, you find a much rougher situation entirely.

Warnings: Violence, loss of family, PTSD, anxiety, inadequate descriptions of ballet, smut, Dubocon, spanking, threats of violence against the reader, slight BDSM mild Dom/Sub dynamics, power imbalance, kinda toxic relationship ngl. Probably OOC. SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA AND SEASON 4!!

A/N: I'm so proud to be writing my first ask truly; I just wanna thank everyone for bringing me here today(lmao), but in all seriousness, I hope u enjoy! (later note: sorry this took so long; I was debating on the spicy stuff and the ending)

Words: 2,662

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After the accident with your parents, you hated ships; even looking at one made you sick, and the fact that they got on for someone else's sake and not even for yours or your brothers hurt you even more. So, when Byakuya came along, he was happy to take you and Senku in. It made you wary of his kindness, how he could leave for something else, thinking about you and Senku last, leaving you alone in the world again.

He signed you up for dancing lessons while encouraging Senku with his interest in science. 'To help with the anxiety,' he said with a smile; it made you scowl. But after the first few, it became like walking to you, like breathing a field of flowers, every step calming you, the music flowing into a dance with you.

You won a scholarship to America with your dances when your brother and adoptive father found out; the latter excitedly encouraged you to go on the trip; you told him to drop the matter entirely as you weren't leaving Senku by himself. (Or Byakuya, but you would say that to him.)

"Don't wait up for me, " he told you one morning, with a passionate glaze over his eyes. He gave you a tight side hug before walking off.

When you woke up, the stone encasing you crumbling off, you inhaled profoundly and quickly looked around yourself. A blanket was put around you, and some clothes and shoes were dropped before you. You look up to see two men in front of you, one with blonde hair and the other with white. The blonde was currently smoking.

"Looks like a few thousand years past." You told them tersely, shuffling the blanket and putting on the clothes while still keeping yourself covered. The one smoking let out a quiet snerk while the platinum let his lips twitch at your comment.

"You catch on fast; that will be useful in our current situation." He let his metal claws click together behind his back. You dropped the blanket after putting on your clothes, moving to put on your shoes next. You held eye contact with them, showing them you were still listening. He gave you a rundown on the current state of society and the earth, thinking logically. It seemed like you didn't have much of a choice but to help them or risk being killed or worse.

"Any special skills to speak of?" Stanley, the blonde, asks, butting in on the doctor's speech. You rise to the tip of one foot before lifting your foot close to your head, then drop it down to do a few pirouettes, ending the last spin with your left foot pointed outwards and with a bow. Stanley gives a low whistle, and the doctor claps gently at your display.

"I do ballet, know basic hand-to-hand combat and martial arts." You list off, hoping that will buy you a bit of gain for at least manual labor or some sick entertainment for the two of them.

"She can go to your team, Stan." Dr. Xeno says with a wave of his clawed hand while walking away, leaving the two of you alone. He stomps out the last of his cigarette before motioning you to follow him; you follow behind him with a foot of distance between the two of you as you walk, getting a better look at him and his apparel while you have the opportunity: a tight black catsuit, spiked boots, a gun holster. It's nice to know America still loves their gun rights.

"You can come closer, " he says, eyeing you over his shoulder. You try not to flinch at his sudden jibe, walking up side to side with him now, avoiding his gaze.

"I won't bite. Not unless you want me to, that is." He tells you with a smirk, you give him a look, and he chuckles at that. Stanley shows you around the entirety of the operations they have set up, introducing you to everyone and showing you where things are and how to find him or Dr. Xeno. He shows you where you sleep and lets you settle in. The next few weeks, you spend training with Stanley and people trying to befriend you, learning how to use a firearm properly, flying a plane, and going out on scouting missions. And before you know it, a year and a half passes by, and you are attached at the hip to Stanley.

"Could you dance for me?" he asks you one night while the two clean firearms together, relaxing uniquely for two of you. You scrunch up your face while looking at him, and he raises one of his eyebrows.

"It's too cramped, " you say bluntly. He puts down the weapon he was cleaning, grabs yours, and puts it back, holding your hand and taking you outside. Walking with each other, he leads the two of you to a clearing you recognize, which gives you another dirty look; he gives a little shrug and let's go to move and sit down on a rock, letting the grassy night be your stage. You walk out to the open area, trying to think of another excuse to give.

"There's no music."

"Want me to sing for you?" He teases. You roll your eyes before thinking of a simple song and dance you remember to show him. Twisting and jumping, spinning and bowing your legs, as you hum to yourself a part of Swan Lake. Opening your eyes as you come to an end, you see a sparkle in Stan's eyes as he watches you, and finally, you come to an end, and you give him a curtsy while smiling at his interest. He claps as he walks over to you, and you reward him with a slightly bigger grin. He stops before you, and it feels like the air stills between you; he raises his hand to your face before you get interrupted.

"Stanley, I need you and Y/N to go scouting." Stanley sighs as he moves to respond to Xeno's demands. You walk ahead of him and head back to weapon storage to gear up.

The small group of what looked like teenagers stopped to investigate the ground, picking corn kernels. They had what looked like an armored car and a motorboat with them; it looked like something Senku would have built if he had been here.

"Want the first hunt?" Stanley's voice crackles in your ear; given the go-ahead, you attack first. You hit the tallest teen first, swiping him off his feet; the boy in yellow starts firing his arrows while the girl with greenhorns swipes at you; you sweep your leg across and launch her into a tree nearby, making her cry out, the girl in blue lunges at you and the previous tall teen gets up to attack you. Seeing you surrounded, he fires off the machine gun at the group, knowing that you dodge just fine.

"Everyone back to the boat." The voice that yelled that out made you freeze and look up to see where it was. Hoping it was just your head, the white and green hair you saw made your heart seize in your chest. You felt dizzy and wobbled a bit while trying to catch your balance. In your frozen state, a bullet whizzed by and got a little of your arm; you let out a hiss before jumping back into the trees for cover. The group took off, and you and Stanley regrouped.

"You alright?" He asked while he fired up the plane. You gave him a nod, and he spared a glance at you.

"Stay here just in case." You wanted to argue with him, but his hard stare made you drop it; you gave a sad 'Yes, sir' before he took off after them. You fix your arm before hopping along the trees, following his flight path. You lose sight of him momentarily, and in that short moment, you see his plane heading downwards into the forest, hearing a deafening crash and a scatter of birds and smoke. By the time you make it to the crash site, the teen has already beat you to it. You go up a bit higher in the trees and hear a laugh that catches your throat. It was him, Senku, and of course, he was laughing over his victory, and you let out a soft chuckle at his excitement. It makes your heart ache and scream. Seeing him surrounded by so many friends and still finding happiness is such a tense situation.

"Fall back for now." His voice fills your ears, reminding you of whose side you're on. You meet up with him later and see he acquired one of your brother's friends. The boy, Gen, as you've come to find out, makes a face at you before returning to neutrality. They finish questioning and showing him around, and you finally take the chance to ask him about your sibling.

"How is he?" These are the first words out of your mouth to him when you are alone.

"How old is he now?" He tells you to slow down and answer all your questions when he tells you that Senku is now twenty and doing well and about all his progress in Japan. You let out a long-winded sigh before hugging the magician, squeezing him tightly. He squeaks in surprise before returning it.

"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of my baby brother." You finish your conversation with Gen before leading him back to everyone else and sneaking off when you are sure no one will follow you. You leap through the trees and make your way to where Senku and his ship are; not wanting to cause panic amongst the others in his group, you find the right moment to pull him off to the side where he'll be alone for you to talk to him. He panics before he sees your face and freezes at the sight of you; his eyes are widened and sparkle at your face. You cup the side of his face and look over him; he does look older, more mature, like a true leader. You give him a small smile before flicking him in the head.

"For someone so smart, I think you would plan better for when you're attacked." He chuckles and hits you lightly in the arm before tightly embracing you.

"I missed hearing you." He mumbles into your suit; you hold him tightly, silently communicating that you feel the same. You cut the hug short and inform him that his friend is okay and what Dr. Xeno's plan for him is. You feel slightly bad for betraying them, but you would always put your brother first. You give a bit further of a run down on things inside the American colony before telling him you must leave before they start looking for you.

"Where are you? Xe wants us to go scouting." Your heart jumps to your throat; you tell Senku one last goodbye before leaving the ship and heading out into the woods.

"I'm just stalking where the kids are to get a count of them." You lie, hoping that he won't read too deep into it. He lets out a hum in response before the line goes dead. You leap among the trees again before something heavy crashes into your back, giving you a harsh descent into the forest floor; you let out a cry from the pain before getting abruptly cut off by the gloved hand around your throat. It's Stanley, and he looks pissed; he squeezes your throat, and you claw at his hands in response.

"Fraternizing with the enemy, are we?" He grits out with a quiet rage; he releases your throat before moving to trap your upper body under his legs; you cough at the sudden rush of air to your lungs and flail your legs a bit.

"No matter. I'll gladly remind you of which side you're on." He informs you darkly; you stutter out apologies while he hushes you. He rubs one hand along your chest while the other holds your face. You close your eyes while still kicking your legs, turning your face away; he strikes you across the cheek, and that makes your eyes snap open. He forcefully unzips your suit and moves your hand along your bra before he rips the fabric off and slaps your chest. You cry, getting a sick sense of enjoyment from his harsh slaps. He hits you a few more times while he holds your face roughly while kissing you. Asking if you like it when he hits you, the rest of your dignity leaves you, and you tell him yes while reciprocating his kisses. He hauls you off the forest floor into his lap, ripping off the rest of your top and moving on to your shorts.

"Keep looking at me." He commands you, and you obey. He grasps and ties your hands before moving you onto all fours. He rakes his hands down your back, ultimately reaching your ass and slapping it harshly. You whine at the abuse, and he hits you a few more times while groaning to himself at your noises.

"Who do you belong to?" He questions.

"You." You mumble to him pitifully, face pressed against the ground, exposed to the cold air. He slaps your backside again before telling you to repeat yourself.

"Good girl." You whimper at his praise and hear his zipper moving and the sound of a metal belt buckle. The warmth between his legs presses against your exposed sex, and you moan out to him; he leans over your back, one arm pressed against the ground beside your head, the other on your hip as he guides himself into you slowly. When he's fully sheathed, he hardly gives you any time to adjust before fucking you slow and harshly. You simper at his treatment, and he mouths at your ear, grunting quietly to you.

"Doing so good." He tells you, and you respond with a soft 'yes.' He picks up the pace, and your volume increases; you clench around him, and he moves the hand on your hip to between your legs to rub at your clit. You give him a loud wail at his rough circles with his fingers.

"Until we deal with that group properly, you will not be out of my sight." He grits out and grabs a fist full of your hair, making you look at him; slowing his thrusts, you keen out a yes to him, hoping that will make him pick up his pace again; you were so close.

"Yes, what?" He commands.

"Yes, sir!" you shout; he gives you what you so desperately, picking up his pace again. You jerk your head back against his shoulder and finish, him falling not too far behind. He rides out the last waves of pleasure before stopping. He shifts into a sitting position with you on his lap, he pulls out, and some of him drips out from between your legs. He continues to kiss you for a bit before speaking again.

"Do something like that again, and I'll make sure you won't dance for a month." He whispers in your ear cruelly; you only nod, accepting the situation, having lost the motivation to fight. He holds you closely while cleaning you up, whispering praises into your ear and petting your hair. Maybe it was a good thing you ended up on this side of the battle, and you could even convince Stanley to have mercy on your brother. He covers you up and fixes himself after removing your restraints and carries you back to the colony. Safe and subdued in his arms, you pass out from the exhaustion of the situation; in your last conscious thoughts, you can only hope for the safety of your brother.

[avifaunaa]

how the world spins without you [ n.r. ] [ pt.2 ]

AUTHORS NOTE: the amount of likes i got on chapter one blew my mind. i'm glad you guys enjoy it enough to have liked / reblogged! i'm still considerably new to writing on tumblr so i'm really happy with what i've been getting thus far! i hope you like this second part!

Masterlist

PART ONE | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Summary: Natasha has mastered the art of falling in love . . . she thinks. Having graduated with a shiny new degree and on your way to work with Tony in his labs, she was closer to you than ever. When an important mission pulls her away it leaves you both realizing how incredibly important it is that you don't skip the little moments you get.

Content Warnings: Mild angst, fluff, overabundance of Natasha being soft, reader referred to with she/her pronouns, smut, top!nat and bottom!reader, fingering [ n and r receiving ], MILD dumbification, MILD dedragation [ r receiving ] strap-on use [ r!receiving ], praise [ r!receiving ], hair-pulling, some finger-sucking

Word Count: ~7.7k

Natasha thinks you like Yelena.

That was her hope, anyway, when she asked her little sister to come finally meet the woman who had caught her eye and managed to peel her open and get even her most buried away memories and desires to be expressed in just a few short months.

It was a few days before you big day as Yelena sat across from Nat, sprawled across an armchair like an unruly child with legs spread open and propped over the legs. She chose where so sit this time despite Nat glancing longingly at her table.

She sat on the couch in front of the fireplace diagonal to her sister's armchair instead. She drank something strawberry-flavored today, a seasonal drink to draw in customers despite the business that the shop never seemed to lose.

She thinks you'd like it -- she hated it.

"So, you drag me here," the braided blonde begins, licking whipped cream off of her cold drink. Then proceeds to stick her finger inside to get more.

"Yelena that's disgusting."

"Who else is drinking this? Huh?" A perfectly arched eyebrow raised at her. "Is there a law against being disgusting? Pah." She popped her fingers in her mouth. "You are rude for interrupting me."

Natasha's eyes float up to the ceiling. Would Melina mind all that much if she killed Yelena?

She believes Alexi would be proud of her.

"As I was saying," the former Widow continued when Natasha did not speak, taking her silence as encouragement, "you drag me here and give me fattening sugary American drinks."

"I figured you'd like it," Natasha said, drink abandoned as she rests her hand on the armchair of the couch. "You eat nothing but Kraft. I try to get you other brands and you threaten to shoot me."

"Because the other brands are cardboard covered in plastic cheese!" Yelena threw her arms up, coffee still in hand, and uncrossed her legs to sit up rightly. "Nat I will never forgive you for trying to trick me into these poor excuses of mac-n-cheese. Truly. I know the difference. I am an assassin."

"Of store bought goods?"

Yelena scowled at her and used her straw to flick whipped cream in Nat's direction. The glob landed sadly on the couch cushion instead of where Yelena likely aimed: her forehead.

"Damn," the younger of the two whispered, stabbing her straw back into place.

"Clean that up," Natasha ordered, gesturing to the napkins left out for patrons on the coffee table.

"Yes mom," Yelena grumbles, but did it anyway and sniffed after a minute of sipping her drink like a scolded toddler. "You were right. This is a very delicious drink."

"How hard was it for you to admit that?"

"Very. But we have gotten off the topic of why you dragged me here and I know it is not just for this as much as I wish it was."

Natasha had to hand it to Yelena for her observance. The two of them were the Red Room's most prized creations of differing generations of Widows but both had been given the same end goal and similar orders at the end of the day.

Her sister was impulsive and quick to jump the gun -- but it normally worked in her favor and could be better in certain situations where Natasha's tendency to react more strategically may be too slow for some situations.

She tapped her index fingers together. "I am seeing someone. Someone who is important to me and I think I could find happiness with her if I continue to undo everything our upbringing has taught us."

Whatever Yelena had been expecting her to announce, it sure as hell wasn't that. The blonde adverted her eyes momentarily either in bafflement or incredulity before masking herself up with a sly smirk.

"Her?" Yelena purred, placing her cup on the side table separating them. "You've really been discovering yourself, haven't you, Sestra?"

"Suka," Natasha shot back, feeling the weight begin to lift off of her chest. She was worried for Yelena's response -- she didn't know if she expected disgust, anger, maybe doubt?

"We are not built for the type of relationships she might seek from you," Yelena finally says, her accent thickening with concern as she struggled not to regress into Russian to speak to Nat. "What have you told her . . . about everything?"

Natasha cupped her own chin with her hand and rested her elbow on the armrest. "Very little, but enough to paint her a picture that tells her it was an evil childhood. I am sure she did some searches on me and read whatever she found and if she did it did not seem to scare her off."

"You could hurt her."

A thorn struck at Natasha's heart. Yelena was truthful in all accounts, and she expected no lies or sugar-coated warnings from her and never would have in the first place. But it still hurt to hear Yelena have expressed what Natasha feared.

"I know," was all she replied, gaze turning to the weak fire in the fireplace.

"Or she could . . . hurt you very badly."

"That's always been a possibility, yes."

Yelena was silent for a moment. The two of them watched the fire as it crackled and attempted to keep itself alive with so little to work on.

"You like her very much," Yelena said -- not asked.

"I do," Natasha admitted and found her throat dry when she swallowed back everything she wanted to say.

Yelena nodded a couple of times, soaking in the words and reading the tone seeped within them. Then, "I will have to kill her very slowly if she makes you cry."

Natasha sniffled, watery eyes turning to her as a laugh broke from her chest.

Natasha watched you walk off the stage and she would not cry. But Gods — the pride she felt as she saw you stride with confidence was absolutely everything and more to her.

Kate had reached out to her and invited her to attend around the same time you had. Natasha had decided to surprise you and made up a quick lie by telling you she would be on a mission.

You were saddened but when she almost broke and ruined her and Kate’s plan, you and promised her that it was okay: everything else after would make up for it.

And now you were crying in her arms as her fingers ran through your silky hair, done beautifully for your day. Your introduction to Yelena was hilarious to her but that was something to look back on later.

Now the four of you sat in Kate’s hotel room. You were curled up tightly against Natasha freshly showered and dressed in one of her hoodies. Yelena and Kate were arguing about what movie to watch and Natasha had to intervene when Yelena pulled out her gun and slammed it on the table in the corner.

“I think I have the final say. We watch Brother Bear,” Yelena said, palm splayed on top of the weapon like it was nothing more than a trading card.

Kate stared at the gun, then at Yelena, then yelled, “Why the fuck are you carrying around a gun like a crazed woman? Like seriously? What the fuck?”

“You’re welcome if someone attacks us and I so happen to have the gun,” the blonde snarked back, nose wrinkling with frustration.

Kate threw her hands in the air then turned to you. “Dude — she just — did you see that?”

You blinked sleepily and were jerked out of Natasha’s warm embrace as the redhead suddenly got up and grabbed Yelena by the scruff. “Ow! Suka! What do you think you are doing?” She yowled as Natasha drags her over to the second bed.

Natasha flings the flailing woman down and crosses her arms. You sit upright and glare at Kate, who went from smirking to abashed at your gaze on her.

“Both of you are being childish,” Natasha said, striding back to the table and snatching the gun. She unloads it and packs the bullets and gun away in her bag. “Yelena that was first year shit you did, pulling your gun out and flashing it.”

Yelena flushed red and crossed her arms, pouting on the bed. “I do not like Finding Nemo. It is sad but not the good kind of sad.”

“Brother Bear is sadder!” Kate exclaims as she walks over and flops face first down next to Yelena.

“But there is vicious bears in it. That makes it fun again. Finding Nemo is just said.”

Natasha retakes her spot next to you, slinging an arm around you and pulling you in tight. “Well tough luck. I think we’re going to go with Spirited Away instead.”

You perked up at the suggestion as Nat worked on logging into the streaming service that offered the movie.

“What is that?” Yelena asked, scooting upward by the pillows and flinging her legs downward so that they landed hard on Kate’s back.

The brunette yelped out, shoving Yelena’s legs and sitting upright with an icy glare.

“Only the best movie ever,” you whispered as you stared up at Natasha covetedly in adoration.

Yelena kept demanding the movie be paused so she could ask questions about it. Anytime Natasha tried to answer, the blonde shushed her and waited for you to explain instead.

You explained patiently for her until the younger Russian was pleased and allowed the movie to continue.

Eventually you all — sans Natasha — fell asleep.

You got breakfast together at one your favorite places in town near campus and by then you and Yelena had developed a closer bond. She asked more about Spirited Away and if it had a sequel.

“I wish,” you groaned, flopping back in the booth dramatically as Kate patted your knee next to you. “The studio that made it though . . . It makes really good movies besides that one. I should show all of them to you.”

“Oh now you’ve done it,” Kate chirped and dug into her breakfast burrito without explaining further.

Yelena waves her off like a gnat. “I’d love to watch these movies with you if it means Kate Bishop will suffer.”

Kate’s head jerked up so quick, indignant and puffy in the chest. “First of all,” she said, echoing you from yesterday as she pointed a tater tot at the offender across from her, “I need you to go jump off a building immediately.”

“Did that. Hated it,” she shot back quickly in a bored tone despite the mischief that gleamed on her features. “What is your second of all.”

“Second of all,” Kate continued, then stopped. She blinked as Yelena’s shit-eating grin grew slowly, “Fuck you.”

Yelena gasped. “Kate Bishop how could you — why —“ she went on acting as if she were taken aback beyond fixing.

You and Natasha found each other’s eyes over your meals and you noticed the look in her eyes mirrored how engorged your heart felt in this moment.

Natasha was true to her word. You got an interview offer from Stark Industries — sent and signed by Tony Stark himself. It was about three weeks after your graduation and move back to New York which was entirely unexpected so soon.

It was early and you had slipped out of the warmth that Natasha exuded like a space heater. Dawn was making an entrance into your bedroom and you turned to look at your sleeping girlfriend through hooded eyes.

She looked so peaceful as she slept — and it was her time sleeping over at that. Her hesitance to do so had led to a necessary conversation as you tried to avoid pushing her too hard.

“I get night terrors sometimes,” she told you as she sat across from you on the bed and you leaned against the wall. “And not just . . . Not ones you see when you look up the signs on the Internet. Mine can be violent.”

You noticed how low her body was haunched as she made her confession to you, hands rubbing against each other and eyes avoiding yours.

“Nat.” Her gaze flicks to you as you push off the wall and get to your knees in front of her. “Do you think you could hurt me? Are they that often?”

She curled a strand of your hair around her finger. She treated you so delicately at times and it pissed you off to no end that there was a reason for it and you couldn’t fix it.

“They’re not often,” she comments while basking in your comfort offered to her. Being with you had made her realize that her touch-aversion was some form of touch-starvation if the person was right. She always seemed to be in contact with you if she could help it.

“Okay,” you finalized, standing up and resting a hand on her cheek. “Then why are you worried? If you have a terror while we’re together — we can make a plan so I can handle it properly. Or we learn as we go.” She then swallowed. “But if you . . . If you’re not comfortable . . .”

“I do,” she promised, leaning into your palm. “I’m just very worried. Hurting you is not something I could ever let myself live with.”

You ran a thumb down her cheekbone. “Then let’s try together. Slowly. Until you feel like that fear is no longer something realistic.”

She stayed over that night and has done so increasingly since. She hadn’t had a mission since before your graduation and she told you to expect her to be pulled at any second.

You took what you could get with Nat — time was precious and she gave you so much of herself.

A chill ran up your spine when the warmth of your bed and Nat’s hold escaped you; you quickly went to your closet to grab your thick and too-large robe and slip it on along with your sandals.

You kissed Natasha’s temple as you grabbed your apartment and mail key and headed out downstairs to where the front desk was already in to retrieve mail forgotten from this week.

You start flipping through it on your way up, pushing the button to your floor and inserting the key to allow it through.

It was mostly junk mail, a couple of offers for interviews at tech companies, and some reminders about returning her dorm keys. You already did.

The elevator dings open for you on your floor and you do not even look up as you continue flipping through. How much mail do you forget to grab?

You listen for the elevator doors to shut behind you and stopped halfway in your tracks when you flipped one of your bills to discover the white envelope with the large STARK INDUSTRIES stamped on the corner and your full fucking name and address on the front.

“Oh my fucking god,” you burst out in a high pitched scream, slamming the stack of unread mail onto the corner of your dining room table where it proceeded to spill onto the hardwood.

Care you did not — your mind was on one thing: showing your girlfriend this piece of news that was going to change your life. You scrambled on sock-clad feet across the hardwood to your bedroom, trying not to knock into corner walls.

Natasha had startled awake at your scream up and hair askew as she pulled out her gun from her pants in the middle of the floor, eyes frenzied and blurred from sleep.

You stopped in your doorway and she stopped too, gun lowered to the floor. You were practically vibrating where you stood, the early dawn sunlight that filtered into your apartment’s windows painting a beautiful portrait Natasha wanted on her walls.

“You scared me,” Natasha breathed as her body relaxed, thumping heart still loud against her chest. She shakily set the gun on the nightstand behind her. “What’s got you screeching like an injured creature, Malyshka?”

You beamed at her with excitement that was damn near contagious, scooting forward on your feet and jerking your arms out quickly with whatever you had in your hands as close to her face as you could get.

The absurdity of the entire show you were putting on in your glee was peaking her curiosity. So Natasha took your wrists in her hands and gently pushing them back about three inches from her face so she could see what it was. “Easy, my love. I need to be able to actually look at it.”

You said nothing back but kept that ear to ear grin and flushed excitement about you which read to your girlfriend that it was very good whatever it was you were bringing to her.

She focused on the envelope in your hands and steadied your grasp to ease the shaking. When her eyes scanned the words across the envelope, a slow grin of her own started creeping up on her face and she lowered your arms.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” she asked you proudly.

You glanced at the letter, then at her, then bit your lip. “I want to, yes. But more than that . . . I really wanna kiss you.”

Natasha smirked. “I should maybe be concerned that a letter from Stark gets you so affectionate, huh?” But she cups your cheeks and brings you in for a kiss anyways, sharing your excitement with you.

The interview took place at the Avengers Compound. Over the phone, Pepper Potts explained to you that you’d likely be working closely to the Avengers and thus with Tony. Where he went you would go. You were fine with that as long as you had access to the labs and could get your hands working.

Natasha was the one to drive you to the in-person interview once your background check came through clean. She was already someone with complete access and Tony wouldn’t have to send Happy or Pepper and increase your anxiety by sitting in silence.

Natasha knew how to filter out the nerves by keeping you occupied. She discussed the features of the Compound with you, and she mentions that you’ll finally get to meet her cat Liho who she’s been discussing in great detail to about you.

You had squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it before you were separated for the interview.

Tony liked you — maybe? You couldn’t tell through his highly-caffeinated, long-winded tour once you sped through the interview with him.

He had asked you mostly engineering questions . . . Oddly enough. No, “where do you see yourself in the next five years? What starting pay is best? What hours do you see working the most?”

“It’s all bullshit,” he said to you, leaning across his office desk with furrowed brows. “I plan on paying you your worth and if you’re as dedicated as you say you are, you’ll have trouble leaving the lab to sleep. And you’ll stay because I am the best there is in terms of what you want to do.”

He clocked it — but you shouldn’t have been entirely surprised. Money wasn’t much to him materially and he sat you down in the lab and watched as you began tinkering with things and babbling about their use.

He hired you within two hours.

Natasha, however, had to come hunt you down by seven at night. She found you and Tony buried into one of his suit’s arms as he was explaining the workings to you and what made it run.

“Agent Romanoff requests entrance, Mr. Stark. Shall I let her in?”

The voice above scared you. You jumped and admittingly almost twisted a wire or two. Tony scratched his chin and said, “I guess I should’ve told you about FRIDAY. That’s FRIDAY. She’s a good friend.”

“Thank you.”

“What is she?” You wondered. There was no indication of another person or even an intercom in the room.

“She’s an artificial intelligence I developed after Wanda’s husband decided he wanted to be a real boy,” the genius replied, leaning against the table to stare down at you. “She makes our lives a little easier but if you don’t want have an extesinal crisis I’d stay away from asking her if she has feelings.”

“Mr. Stark —“ the womanized AI started again, but Tony cut it off.

“Let Romanoff in. Let’s see what I’m in trouble for this time.”

The doors slid open with nothing more than a whisper and your girlfriend strides in. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she looks like she just got done doing something active. You let your eyes graze over her.

“Are you done hogging my girlfriend now, Stark?” Natasha questioned, rounding the workbench to look down at what had you so fascinated for hours.

“I suppose,” Tony said gloomily. “But don’t keep her away too long. I hired her and plan on squeezing her brain of all its important juices.”

Natasha leaned forward over your shoulder to kiss your cheek. Then she quirked a brow at Tony. “Juices stay in her brain or I’ll fuck up your suits.”

“Who makes your Widow Bites, again?”

Natasha pointed a steady finger in his direction. “Don’t test me, playboy.”

“You forgot the rest of the title.”

Natasha ignored him and leaned back down, kissing your cheeks in peppered pecks. The actions forced you to set down your tools and lean into her. “What’ve you been here doing, my love?”

“Mr. Stark is showing me how he makes his suits work and how else that technology can be used,” you told her, turning around on the stool to face her. You grin up at her, a twinkle bright in your eye. “This is so important and . . . God, Nat. I love this. Thank you.”

“Thank her?” Tony protests nearby, a clatter of objects following. “I cannot believe —“

You glance his way but Natasha puts a finger under your chin. “I’m glad your dream is coming to fruition, Malyshka,” she said, green eyes soft. “Would you like to spend the night?”

You stared up at her wide eyed. “Really? With you?”

Natasha’s answering smile was practically feral.

“Get out of my lab,” Tony grumbled. “And don’t come back until you’re decent tomorrow morning. With coffee!”

It’s been a year and you don’t think you could have made a career this successful this quickly. Not without the support of Natasha [ who insisted you could’ve done it anyway ].

But right now you were exhausted and more than anything felt like you needed a vacation. You had time built up waiting to be used but in the year you’ve been working at the Compound, no time felt right.

Natasha had gotten as busy as you not long after you started with missions that she would come home from bloodied and bruised. Patching her up was scarier than her leaving sometimes because you couldn’t tell which injuries were surface and which ones needed the keen eye of Doctor Cho.

You’d been stuck in the lab the last week and Natasha had left a month ago. She had found Wanda Maximoff — the Scarlett Witch who fell in love with Vision but ultimately lost him to Thanos as a sacrifice to save everyone else.

Natasha had looked at you grimly when she told you it was an undercover operation. You were confused, “Aren’t you sort of friends?”

“Yes, which might make it all the more volatile, sadly. She has taken a town under her control and Sam and I are both being sent in.” She leaned down to kiss you but you pulled back.

“A town? That’s . . . That sounds like a lot of power, Nat,” you whisper, uneasiness settling inside your gut. “Are you sure that it’s safe to go in?”

“It’s not safe,” she says slowly, gently. “But Wanda is my friend as you said and she is hurting but she’s lashing out at innocent people in response. It will look better from people she knows to break her from it than S.W.O.R.D. marching in. She is not on good terms with them.”

“I see.” You looked down at her suit and adjusted some things, fiddling mostly. She allowed you to do so even if nothing was really wrong with it. “Are your Widow Bites charged?”

“They could take down a bear,” she promised, then kissed you. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“We’re taking a vacation,” you told her firmly. “I’ll ask Tony when you get back. He won’t protest . . . Much.”

Natasha smirks. “If he does, I’ll kick his ass.”

You watched her and Sam board the Quinjet already missing her. Once the aircraft was out of sight was when you dug yourself back into your work. Tony didn’t ask, but he would force more breaks on you that he didn’t give himself.

Sleeping by yourself had become a lonely affair without Nat; though you did have her ever-watchful companion of the night. Liho cuddled nicely most nights as long as you fed her on time. She was a good motivator to get out of the lab by seven at the latest.

Two months without Natasha and not a peep from her has you hyper focused on anything but her. You designed a new technology you hoped could enable pipes in some countries to not need replacement as much, and keep water fresh with auto-testers.

It was still a work in progress and Tony was not shy to peek over your shoulder and cross out when something wouldn’t work in his eyes — and usually he was right when you got to the phase where you created a prototype.

“Kid.” A rough hand landed on your shoulder. You jolted slightly, spilling screws and bolts and whatever else you had collected onto the floor around you.

“Fuck.” Your hand carded through your hair, messy from a day of non-stop work. “Sorry, Tony. I’ll pick it up. Just —“

“FRIDAY can get it,” he said just as a specialized roomba came humming out from a miniature doorway in the corner and started cleaning up the mess. “It’s like ten PM, kid. Go to your rooms.”

“I fed Liho already,” you murmured, picking at your thumb with your index finger as you went over your fifth blueprint. “She’s fine.”

“Not talking about the cat.”

You broke away from the small, dimly lit zone you had sequestered yourself into and turned. Tony was in some pajamas with fuzzy slippers.

“You know as well as anybody I don’t leave this lab,” he started, awkwardly shuffling his feet. “But look — Nat made me promise that you wouldn’t burn yourself out.”

You furrowed your brow, “I’m not burnt out. I’m fine.” Your head was pounding and you knew you stank since your last shower was the night before — but anything beat going back to that quiet place.

“You’re talking to deputy director of burnt out, I’m afraid,” Tony retorted, gesturing for you to stand. It was a standoff when you sort of just sat there and he waited expectantly. “Don’t make me be your boss, Y/N, seriously.”

You sighed, leaning backward enough to reach the lamp to flick it off and get up. Your muscles ached deeply when you wobbled across the lab to the doors.

“Night, kid,” Tony calls as he sets down the other hallway of the compound where his and Peppers’ rooms are located.

Liho meowed loudly, eyes like lamplights in the darkened floor of your rooms as you entered. She rubbed between your legs and purred thickly before darting off to Nat’s bedroom to wait in bed for you.

One hot shower later and you crawled into the sheets, curling around Natasha’s previously untouched pillows instead of yours. You missed her deeply. So deeply.

You hoped sleep would chase away the longing.

Natasha pressed a few switches and pulled a lever that allowed her to safely gear the Quinjet into a safe landing. She waited for everything to power down properly, drooping in her seat and rubbing at her eyes. One of them still healing from being bruised.

The town was unhexed and mostly unharmed. Just traumatized and distraught by the events that plagued them for two months by the mysterious witch that held them hostage.

Natasha and Sam had gone in so quickly — before Wanda had a second to realize there was a disturbance. They posed as a married couple and played along with her games — the way she ran her show.

Natasha ached deeply for Wanda. All she saw when witnessing these events were acts of a broken woman failed by the world. She understood why the witch had done it. If it had been you . . .

Natasha put her fingers against the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, still waiting for the low beeping signal that would alert her that the Quinjet was finished cooling down.

They hadn’t expected a second witch. Not until Wanda figured out who she was and that was as soon as Wanda realized Natasha and Sam were there — not just creations she forgot she made.

It was a fucking disaster.

Wanda was gone. Again. She had defeated this other witch that seemed to have sought Wanda out for her power but as a result she ran without talking to Natasha.

She could still taste Wanda’s despair and shame.

“Nat.” Someone nudged her. She rolled the chair around and found Sam waiting for her. He gestured to the open backend of the Quinjet. “We’re home now. I think you should get some rest.”

Natasha smiled as she got to her feet, making sure she didn’t forget to do anything before following him out and making the trek across the landing zone to the Compound.

It was too early. Two in the morning — and she would only be crawling next to you in her bed and drinking in your scent and catching up on lost sleep. Hopefully.

Liho was not there to greet her.

It was disappointing — her cat was easily made a traitor it would appear. She dropped her bag on the ground by the door and made her way to the bedroom, leaning in the doorway.

Liho poked her head up, ears pinned back before realizing it was Natasha there and chirped a greeting. Rolled onto her back and purred loudly from her spot in the crook of your blanketed legs.

“Been keeping her company, Liho?” the spy asked, reaching over to skritch her behind the ears. “Good kitty.”

Liho blinked in agreement before releasing Nat to the bathroom, where she did her best to spot clean so she wouldn’t wake you with a full on shower.

She climbed into bed behind you and sighed when you seemed to automatically melt into her as if on instinct.

She was asleep within seconds.

You woke up to more warmth than Liho usually has in one tiny body to provide for you. You moved around and stretched, turning into the warmth —

You shot up.

“Where’s the fire?” Natasha grumbled as she turned back over and buried her face into the pillow without taking at least one hand off your body.

“When the fuck did you get home?” you fell completely on top of her in attempt to body hug her completely.

Nat groaned, but adjusted back onto her back so you could curl up on her chest. A hand went up the back of your shirt and traced the skin of your spine. “Uhh . . . Like two?”

You nosed under her chin, peppering kisses where bruises seemed to lay. “I wanted you unharmed.”

“Tried my best, Malyshka.”

You moved up and closer to her to grasp her chin between your thumb and index finger. She opened her green eyes and smiled crookedly at you. "Gonna just stare?"

You kissed her if nothing else, then to at least shut her up. She responded to the kiss instantly with need that outdid your own.

Her nails found home in the skin of your back, dragging carefully up and down as the kiss was deepened more than it already was. You pulled back, fully straddling her waist and was quick to remove your shirt. She let you.

"So beautiful," you breathed, nosing yourself into her neck and nibbling. She grunted as she pushed your ass closer to her in an attempt to keep you in place.

"You feel so good," Nat murmured back, straining her neck upwards to give you more access. With more openings to proceed and no reason to stop, your lips began a path at the same time your hand started floundering backwards for her shorts.

"Want 'em off," you breathed against her skin. It was too close to a whine for your liking but Natasha obeyed your request anyways and helped you to remove the shorts.

You pulled your lips away to situate yourself and brushed your fingers against her thigh. "Did you miss me?" you asked casually as you went about tracing random designs close but not close enough to where she wanted you.

"You know I did. Every day," she said, that normally composed woman of yours sounding rather out of breath.

You smiled and trailed your fingers a bit closer -- just barely brushing her slit. "I missed you too," you told her, reaching a finger into her pussy and gathering wetness and run it up to her clit.

She drew in air. "Malyshka," she said shortly, "teasing me is not in your favor. It has never worked before."

You ignored her and set a slow pace just as your hips started circling with your finger, adding some pressure onto your hand and more stimulation for yourself. Her hands found home on your hips.

You leaned in close to her ear without stopping, whispering so lowly that she could be forgiven if she hadn't heard it, "I touched myself so much thinking about you when you were gone. It was usually never enough, though. You always know what to do -- how to please me. Isn't it sad how I can't seem to please myself in the ways you seem to know how?"

Fingernails dug into your hips just as you sank two fingers into her cunt, your thumb replacing your index on her clit to keep the slow and steady circles going as you began to thrust into her.

She broke into Russian curses and brought her teeth to your shoulder, digging them in to keep from getting loud. You wished she didn't feel the need to contain herself -- she never had to with you.

"You're doing so good," Nat breathed around your shoulder, eyes squeezed tight as you pushed one hand deep into the mattress and reangled to try and find that one spot inside her that you know drives her insane.

"Fuck, Malyshka, right there," she moaned, abdomen flexing from the strain as you picked up your pace and your strength. She loved rough and you weren't one to deny it when she said words to you that had you putty in your hands.

Even when you fucked her she was in control in the most powerful way.

"I need you to make me come," was drawled in your ear, growing less composed the closer she was getting to her orgasm. You could fell it to in the way she spent longer clenched around your fingers and the way she grew wetter.

"Yeah?" you whisper back, locking in and going for broke as you began at a speed not usually in your range but the sounds and way Natasha clutched you encouraged you on.

"I'm so close."

"Then come for me," you begged her. You need to feel it, to see it, to fucking drink it in like you did with everything that was Natasha Romanoff.

The sting in your hips grew near unbearable as she crossed her legs behind your back and froze up. You fucked her through her orgasm and ensured not to look away one second.

It was a quiet thing, the way she came. Never too much noise but always expressive from the flush in her face and chest to the way her face goes lax in ways nobody else gets to see but you.

You helped her ride down the waves until she sank into the sheets, eyes opening onto the ceiling as her chest rose and fell heavily.

"Have you been practicing while I've been gone?" she wheezed, raking her fingers through her hair as you climbed off of her and licked your fingers clean of her.

"Oh yeah, I've got so much practice," you teased with a cheeky grin. "Me, myself, and my vibrator."

You suddenly had your world spun around too quickly for you to comprehend. Before you knew it, you found yourself looking up at Natasha.

"Stay," she ordered sternly, sliding off of your prone form and making her way to the closet.

You did not argue but you did watch her ass sway as she disappeared.

You were no better than a man.

She returned buckled into a harness, adjusting the straps and you peered up to see which dildo she chose. If it was the eight incher, you think you'd die.

It was the eight incher.

Your head fell heavily back onto the pillows and knew now that Natasha was taking no prisoners today as she settled her knees on the edge of the bed and dragged your ass all the way down.

She saw the look on your face and gained a wicked gleam to her eye. "What -- you thought you'd get away with what you just did? Not have consequences?"

"Kinda," you admitted.

"Appreciate the honesty -- but no dice." She smacked your ass. "Roll over, ass in the air."

You were purposefully slow in your movements, considering that she planned on undressing you and then straight up fucking you in this position and you decided to give her somewhat of a challenge in the process.

"Princess," she warned as she reached for the hem of your shirt. "You're being a brat."

"Sounds like a big problem . . . for you."

She ripped your shirt clean off to your chagrin, and made quick work with your sweats and underwear next. She ran open-palmed hands up the sides of your thighs and ass as she took in the sight of you.

Then her eyes glanced downward to your ass and she kicked your ankles open to where she could see your exposed pussy. Her mouth watered at how wet it was.

"Look at you," she husked, leaning over you and licking a stripe down your back. "So spread open and ready to take me. Do you need my fingers first, baby?"

Your reply was muffled by the sheets. Natasha took a handful of your hair and pulled your head up, "What was that?"

"Fingers first," you slurred and her lips quirked up at that hazy cloud starting to form in your eyes.

"Fingers first . . . ?" she trailed off, tugging just a bit harder.

"Please," you added quickly.

Natasha hummed with approval before dropping your head back onto the bed. "Alright -- since you're so fucking tight and need some fingers to loosen you up, I suppose I can warm you up."

You squeaked something out but Natasha did not force you to elaborate, knowing it was likely just garbled words anyway. She did not tease, did not draw it out. She simply thrusted three fingers in after testing your wetness.

Your body raised off the bed at the intrusion, "Nat," you whimpered clutching the sheets, "too much."

"Too much?" she repeated, raising a brow, "are you sure?"

She let you think about it as she worked her fingers in and out of you, and she removed one to give you a moment to think. "T-three, Natty."

"Are you sure?" she asked again, doing three fingers in and then two. Keeping you both over-and-under stimulated at once in the best way. "For such a smart, beautiful girl you sure are being dumb right now. Can't even make up your mind."

You whined a little into the sheets. "M'sorry. Feels good."

"Aw, I'm sure it does baby," Natasha crooned, lacing her tone with thick false sympathy. "Is that what's making it hard to think? How good it feels?"

She watched you nod into the bed. "S'lot, Natty."

"I bet," the redhead agreed, just barely brushing against your g-spot and never actually giving you enough pleasure to come. "Maybe I should go put my cock away if you're unsure if you can handle even three fingers."

"N-no!" you garbled, tightening around her suddenly. She brushed your hair from the nape of your neck and leaned down to kiss it tenderly. "Wanna take it."

"Oh baby, I want you to take it too," she says, nibbling a mark where she started a kiss. "But are you so sure you can handle it? You're so sensitive today."

"Yes! Yes I can handle it," you promised raptly, ass starting to arch higher and meeting Natasha's thrust with fevered passion. "P-please. Wanna take it."

"Okay, okay, Malyshka," she soothed and moved her lips to pepper kisses along what parts of her face was exposed to her. "Okay. You can have my cock because you're a good girl and good girls get what they need."

The praise sent a jerk through your nervous system at the same time as she pulled out with her fingers intentionally running along your walls.

She eyes the fingers covered in your wetness and resists the urge to lick them clean. Rather she decides to give your mouth something to do by putting them up to you, "Suck, baby."

Just as you took her fingers into your mouth you let out a low noise that was damn near animalistic as Natasha took you with her cock. She slipped in smoothly, eyes twitching at the pressure she felt at the base on her.

With her free hand she slithers down between your body and the surface of the bed so she could start putting pressure on your engorged clit.

She let you adjust before deciding to finally, after a few seconds of waiting, begin slow movements that already had shivers wracking through you.

She decides to talk you through them, to bring you as much pleasure as she possibly can in this moment after two months of not touching you at all, "How's it feel? Is my cock hitting you where it should?"

"S'full," you somehow managed. Well, if you were still talking . . . she pulled all the way out and pushed back in at a punishing pace.

"Gonna try to keep you full, too," she went on as her rotations on your clit began to increase and grew rougher. You were suffocating her cock and if she could truly feel it like a man . . .

"My Gods," she laughed mockingly, "were you this desperate for my touch that you're melting this quickly? I've not been inside you that long, Malyshka."

Whatever noise you made went right through Nat's ears. She was rough and unforgiving now as she practically had you choking on her fingers while the tip of the dildo brushed repeatedly on your g-spot.

Your thighs were trembling with signs that you were close even if you could not so much as whisper a word to tell Nat.

She knew your tells anyway -- just as you knew hers. You were drooling around her fingers and unable to form coherent sentences, you were grinding her hand into the sheets and giving her a rug-burn more than likely, and you were stuttering with every wave of near-pleasure that shocked you.

Natasha decided denying and playing the game of keepaway wasn't on the table today. She wanted to make you come.

It didn't take very long. One good jab of her thumb into your clit timed with her cock hitting just right sent you spiraling into a squealing orgasm that was wracking your entire body.

Natasha was left startled when she found it hard to fuck you through it, growing slippery and soaking the sheets beneath the two of you as another orgasm crashed through you with her fingers still working you.

As the pleasure ebbed away into fuzzy content, Natasha collapsed over your back and breathing against you in a way that brought immense comfort, you slowly came back to yourself.

You nipped her fingers.

Natasha scoffed as she pulled them out, leaning down to give you kisses wherever she could reach. "I make you squirt like a fountain and you bite me?"

You rolled over so that her hands were forced to settle on your knees. The strap-on had been removed at some point in your daze and was thrown aside to be washed later.

"I am never letting you go," you announced, peering up at her with a dopy smile. "That was literally mind-shattering."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "At least you find me good for something." She helped you sit up. "Are you okay?"

"Did you just not hear me say mind-shattering? As in . . . orgasms?"

"Okay, smartass." She pinched your hip and was rewarded with a yelp as she pushed you to your feet. "To the bath with you. I'm changing the sheets and setting us up for vacation then calling Tony. Get a bath ready or else."

You smiled and leaned in the doorway to your bathroom, eyeing her. "You're so cute when you're determined."

"When it comes to the axis my world spins on," Natasha said, growing serious as she walked over to you and rested her forehead against yours, "nothing could pry me away from what I want."

PART THREE

[eternalbuckley]

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ lady!reader (regency au)

Dearest gentle reader, this author is more than delighted to introduce you to Lady Y/N. A lady that was born into London’s high society as the oldest child of a Duke and Duchess. The world of London‘s high society is filled with romance, friendship, scandals, rumours and secrets that want to remain hidden. But be forewarned, dear reader, this author has her eyes everywhere and nothing shall go unnoticed. As we embark into a new social season, I find myself pondering some most intriguing questions: Will Lady Y/N succeed in securing a match in this season? And will her reputation remain unsullied or will she find herself embroiled in scandal? I shall assure you, if any noteworthy event comes into my notice, I shall be the first to bring it to your attention. May this season promise us to be a truly unforgettable experience. Yours truly, Lady Whistledown.

lady!reader is witty, sarcastic, confident and may appear innocent but she might surprise you. she doesn’t let others treat her with disrespect and holds them accountable when necessary. she isn‘t as innocent as some might think.

lady!reader who seems like an open book but has sides to her that only her closest people know about. some are just reserved for a possible partner — sides only they can unveil.

lady!reader is someone who loves to read with her friends, take walks or spend time in nature. she loves to have fun and doesn’t care what other’s truly think about her, even if it‘s not appreciated by society to behave such ways. but be aware, there is so much more ready to be revealed.

lady!reader who has caught the attention of many people — possible partners are among them. the gender doesn’t truly matter to her. she is aware of the risks that come with her interests but she doesn’t care.

lady!reader who wants to fall in love with someone who truly wants and loves her regardless of her status. she wants something real and wouldn’t mind not to marry at all if she won‘t find what she wants.

navigation. | harry potter masterlist. | lady!reader

© eternalbuckley 2025. // I do not give you permission to modify, copy, translate or repost any of my works and creations on other platforms. I do not give you the permission to claim them as your own. I do not give you permission to use anything of my work and creations for any ai related things. I only post my works on tumblr, if you find my work anywhere else please let me know!

a/n: this au is completely inspired by bridgerton, especially lady whistledown — i'm using her solely for the purpose of the gossip society papers (like it's in the show and books). that's it!

[omaano]

SW Hades AU February Update

Some links and previous updates: May - June - July - August - September - October/November - December - January - everything else in this AU

I was honestly worried that I won't have anything to share as a February update (and wouldn't that be a new low for me, wow) because even despite the very generous help from @queenjiru I still cannot wrangle Sabine into a proper sketch. But then the new Hades 2 update came out ! And the art to go with it - Ares looming over Melinoe with his bloody hand staining her shoulder like that just took a hold of me body and soul, and so I have something to present to you all:

A redraw of that image with pre-Sarlacc Boba and a smol and angy Omega!

And some progress details and ramblings under the cut, as it is tradition for these update posts ->

First things first and for the sake of transparency the original image here:

You can see that it is very much just a redraw. I felt very exhausted this month, and all I wanted was something simple and straightforward. Plus the original composition was so perfect, it was a huge reason why I wanted to redraw it so bad. I'm not even going to try to deny that Ares is one of my favourites (I've never truly grown out of that edgy teen I had been way too many years ago), and the fact that in my Hades (the first) game based AU project Boba is cast for Ares - if you really want to categorize the Star Wars characters in some manner - it really was just perfect.

Ares just looked too perfect, and I'd been itching to redraw Boba in this style in another version of him, and I really just had to!

At first blush I wasn't 100% sure how I wanted to go about this redraw, so I sketched out the initial composition, and Omega with her energy bow. I wanted both Boba and Omega to be different from their original first designs, and since Omega leaned more into her teenage TBB s3 self, I wanted to draw her more like she was in s2. Season 1 Omega would have been too tiny, oh god.

And Boba... well. You might find a note in the mess above that I want to do something with his hair to make him look at least a little less like Ares (because even their face structure could match up, ohmygod I'm in distress!) but uh. It didn't really pass muster. I just love this hairstyle for a younger, pre-Sarlacc Boba too much TT^TT So I had to swallow my pride and accept that this will indeed be very much a simple redraw, nothing fancy to see or do here...

I also didn't like how hunched and balled up Omega's pose was in the initial sketch. It made her look too scared and way too vulnerable - so I had to swallow some more of that pride and non-existent ambition yet again, and accept that the way through was to stick a lot closer with Melinoe's original pose.

And because I somehow still proved to be a far more prideful person than previously thought I still made a few alternate sketches with different weapons for Omega. If it was a game, she would likely have all of them, but for the "cover" she was still stuck with Din's spear. I'm pretty sure I even copy-pasted the updated spear from Din's character art so that the head is the right size and shape and all.

The only one I don't like all that much from this collection is the middle one where Omega is holding Crosshair's rifle. I quite like most of the others, but ultimately the spear won out. The original was too good of a composition, what can I say?

Yes, I also draw little red hearts in the corners of the winning thumbnails :P

I also like the landscape format of this composition. I couldn't make up my mind about whose hand I would want it to be to loom over them though so I didn't even try to push working out that concept.

And for the very end a wip closeup of Omega. She is small and lonely and angry (and she's just ran into the worst of her brothers, and the one that's least likely to help her, what will she do?) . She's got massive vambraces with a communicator, Hunter's knife strapped to her thigh, a short kama with pockets and CF 99's skull motifs on her. And the jewel she had on her forehead in season 1 around her neck.

I really love this drawing, but for the time being I have no idea how to move on from here. I very very badly wanted to show it off though (that's why I've been writing this post for a solid 2 weeks if not more lmao) so please enjoy! <3

Taglist of anyone who wants to be pinged once a month for these updates <3 If you want to be added to the list send me a message, or just reply to this post (a 👀 would do, nothing fancy required ;))

@elwinged @yeehawgeek @velsayshi @lionsaint @hastalavistabyebye

If you want to be taken off the list just message me and I’ll take you off, no hard feelings :)

[ithebookhoarder]

Hiiiiiii, Could i request an Anthony Bridgerton x wife!reader fic where Anthony married reader who is from a lower class (basically like Theo) and they end up having a fight because reader did something that would be considered out of class or simply wrong while she’s trying to learn to be a viscountess. Sorry if it didn’t make any sense English isn’t my first language 😭😭😭

All's Fair in Love and Cricket (Anthony Bridgerton x Wife!Reader)

Synopsis: After getting into a fight with your new husband you decide to settle your differences in a 'sporting' fashion, whilst reminding Anthony once and for all just who he married.

A/N: Ohhhhh boy did I enjoy this one. I'm sorry if it feels a little rushed or clunky in places, I may make some more edits at some point. I struggled with the flow of writing so much action but I loved it too much not to post it. So yeah, anxiety be damned else this would join the rest of the unposted drafts I have stashed away. I hope you enjoy it. 💕

Warnings: Anthony being a stupid idiot, class references (discrimination), reference to illness 

Masterlist

It was late summer and as the sun beat down on the green lawns of St James’ Palace the lords and ladies below began to wilt. Many a woman held her parasol above her head in a desperate attempt to remain cool, which was hard when you wore petticoats and had nothing to do but sit and watch the men play cricket for hours on end.

Even Her Majesty looked like she was struggling to make it through the afternoon's entertainment, her attendants desperately fanning her where she sat under her canopy. They looked close to melting in their ornate gowns, however they were clearly willing to endure if it allowed them to continue admiring the game - and more importantly, those playing it. It was like waving a bone in a dog’s face as they watched all the eligible young men of the court sprinting about the green, their physique and athletic talents on clear display.

No wonder the Queen had her opera glasses with her, despite her proximity to the field. 

You almost felt bad for them, watching as the men were subjected to the same treatment as the young ladies were night after night at social functions… hence the 'almost'. After all, there was a sense of satisfaction watching them preen and dance about like show ponies on display. That, and the view wasn’t exactly a terrible one when your husband was one of those playing. 

You’d have endured sitting on that blasted green a thousand times over, baking in the afternoon sun and surrounded by swooning women, just to watch Anthony Bridgerton as he captained his team. 

Being one of Anthony’s oldest and dearest friends, his competitive nature was well known to you (for which you had one too many games of Pall Mall at Aubrey Hall to thank), but it seemed to be out in full force today. You’d simply lost track of how many times he had dashed back and forth, working up somewhat of a sweat as he barked orders at his teammates in a desperate bid to ensure victory. It was no surprise to you that he had subsequently been forced to remove his jacket and roll up his sleeves, exposing his rather sculpted arms to those watching.  

As you said, there were worse ways to spend an afternoon - and normally, you’d have been smugly lapping it up, however, today you were unable to truly enjoy yourself. Not when all you wanted to do was march over to him, take that cricket bat and give him a good whack or two. Maybe that would knock some sense back into idiot… 

That was the issue with being in love with your dearest friend: those who knew you best also knew the best ways to hurt you, and Anthony’s behaviour at dinner the following evening had proven just how true a statement that was. 

It had all started after the entire family had been summoned to the townhouse for a dinner, to toast you and what had so far been a successful first Season as Viscountess Bridgerton. At first, everything had appeared normal, with the usual laughter, merriment, and ease that one would typically experience at a Bridgerton gathering. It was what had first endeared the family to you, back when you had been but a small child, living at Aubrey Hall as the only daughter of their Stable Master. 

They had never been anything other than kind to you, inviting you to play with their children, and join them in their daily lessons. They had also bought you gifts on your birthdays, invited you to join them at events, and even paid for the finest doctors when your father had fallen unwell several years ago. It was as if, to the Bridgertons, your family was their family - an attitude that they extended to the all members of the staff that kept their ancestral seat running. It didn’t matter if you were Head House Keeper, or the greenest of scullery maids. Everyone was counted and cherished, and the Bridgertons had earned utmost loyalty in return. 

The rigid rules and divisions of high society didn’t appear to exist within the wisteria covered walls, and it had been that way well into your young adult life. In fact, it had been you that had initially rejected Anthony when he first declared his love for you one day, after taking you along with him on one of your many afternoon rides. 

You’d been the one to remind him who he was and that society expected him to marry someone they deemed worthy of him and his title - and that wasn’t you. You didn’t have a penny to your name beyond the small sum you’d saved from helping with the younger Bridgerton children as a governess. You didn’t have a title or an estate or anything to bring to a marriage. 

“Except the most important thing!” Anthony had pleaded. “Love… I love you, and there is no one else for me in this life except you. Life is short, terrifyingly short. Look at my mother and father… to be without the person you love most in the world is an agony and I cannot bear it. Please. I can’t lose you. I will not spend my life without you, knowing love is within both of our reach but that we were too afraid to grasp it? If I cannot spend my life, no matter how long it may be, with you then I will have no-one. No-one. My brothers can have the title. I don’t want it. I only want you.”

He’d continued to insist that for the following 6 months, even after his family had moved to their London house for the Season. It didn’t matter how many beautiful, eligible, wealthy heiresses he was introduced to. He would entertain none of them. He would have none of them. Only you. 

It’s what he’d continued to insist until you’d eventually accepted, realising that he was right; Love was the most important thing and you both deserved to have it in your lives, come what may. 

So, you’d said yes. 

You’d become engaged and gradually made your way out into society as the new Viscountess Bridgerton, armed with the support and guidance of the Bridgertons. 

Which brought you to last night and the dinner that had been organised to mark the end of the most challenging, but rewarding, Season of your life - and the dinner had started so wonderfully. Yet, somehow it had all gone to hell in a hand basket in the mere blink of an eye thanks the well meaning, but ill timed, teasing of Colin and Benedict.

Your brothers-in-law had both decided to raise a toast to your first Season as an ‘official’ member of the family and they'd got off to a rather complimentary start, if you were being honest. However, they had somehow moved from their praise on to reminiscing about the many years and many adventures you had had since joining their family.

Whereas every anecdote had caused the rest of the family to spiral into more laughter, your husband had looked more and more infuriated. In fact, Anthony had warned them not too kindly to ‘sit down’ and ‘shut up’ about your childish behaviours, which of course had only encouraged them further. 

“Oh, hush, brother,” Benedict had quipped, raising a glass to your successful debut. “She knows we mean it all in good fun. After all, she once had a phase where she refused to wear shoes and would walk barefoot around the estate, traipsing mud everywhere! I think we’re allowed to be surprised by how far our dear darling Y/N has come.”

“It’s true - It’s a miracle,” Colin added, wiping the tears of laughter from his cheeks. “The transformation is remarkable. Who knew she would go from feral ragamuffin to lofty Lady Bridgerton.” 

Anthony’s only response had been to tighten his grip on his glass to the point it looked like it would shatter. 

Whether it was the residual stress of your busy social calendar, or something else entirely you had no idea. All you did know was that Anthony was angry, and even your gentle touch would not soothe him. 

In a desperate attempt to calm him, you’d pulled Anthony out onto the terrace shortly after dessert had been cleared and asked what was happening. Much to your surprise, he had turned on you, venting about how childish his brothers were and how embarrassing it was that they were discussing things unbefitting someone who was a Viscountess. 

“They’re just joking, my love. They were doing it to get a rise out of you.”

“Well, it wasn’t funny,” he’d growled, causing you to bristle. “They’re so immature. They need to grow up and realise we’re not children any more. That… that you’re my wife and joint head of this family.”

“So? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t, Anthony,” you snapped, the warning clear in your tone. “What are you trying to say?”

“Nothing, I just - it - they’re… it’s embarrassing.” 

“So, you’re embarrassed? By what? Your family? Or me? Because everything they said tonight is true. I did do those things, as did you. I may not have been born a noble lady but you knew that when you asked me to marry you. So don’t suddenly act like you're ashamed, that you are somehow better than your family - than me.”

Somehow the argument had only spiralled from there, with both of you saying things you didn’t mean, and with both of you storming off and slamming the doors behind you. 

Even now, sat on the edge of the cricket pitch, the thought made your blood boil. How dare he? How dare he act ashamed of you and the wondrous memories of your youth together? It wasn’t as if you hadn’t grown and matured since then. You had done everything within your power to be worthy of him and his family, and yet all it took was one mention of the girl you had once been to make him upset?

As if sensing your silent fury, Eloise had been glued to your side since the moment you'd left the house. Her company had been a blessing, with her numerous whispered remarks and jokes, making the day almost bearable. One remark in particular from Eloise had caused you to burst out laughing in a most undignified fashion after watching Anthony trip over one of the opposite team - the Duke of Hastings of all people. 

You still weren’t quite sure how they had been positioned on opposite teams, but you were sure there was some kind of wicked divine intervention responsible. Who else would think it a good idea to put two competitive men against one another? Your hosts, perhaps? After all, Lady Danbury and Her Majesty had organised the game and you had learned long ago not to underestimate the women - especially when they decided to conspire together. 

“How long is this delightful game again?” Eloise’s polite remark oozed with sarcasm as she leant back against the tree behind her. 

It was obvious she was bored senseless. In fact, you half suspected she would have already left had her mother not been sat on the opposite side of the green, watching her like a hawk. 

“I’m not sure,” you groaned in reply. “I lost count of who was winning about an hour ago.”

“So, we’re to be trapped here for eternity?”

“Pretty much, considering this part will not end until either Simon or Anthony lose, and we both know that neither one of them will concede defeat easily.”

Eloise rolled her eyes. “And I thought they were bad at Pall Mall-”

“-LOOK OUT!”

The cry interrupted both of you as you turned in surprise. Given the so-far sedimentary tone of the day, neither of you had expected such excitement as numerous Lords and Ladies began to hurl themselves out of the way as a stray cricket ball rocketed through the air, towards the crowd. 

“Good god!”

The exclamation seemed apt as both you and Eloise ducked, watching as the ball sailed past, causing several yelps and groans from the people around you. You were pretty sure you also spied a glass of lemonade flying through the air in all the chaos. However, your attention was drawn to the figure charging towards you to retrieve the offending item as it rolled to a stop. 

Anthony.

“Pardon me, Y/N,” he murmured, reaching down to collect the ball that now lay a small distance from your feet. You nodded in greeting, aware of the many eyes watching but you elected not to say anything, not trusting yourself not to make some snide remark.

As it was, you both had barely said more than a handful of words to each other since your argument last night.

Clearly sensing the lingering tension between you, Anthony quickly turned to address his sister instead. “Eloise.”

“Ah, brother," Eloise cheered. "Splendid play so far. Tell me, when did the object of the game become the decapitation of the ton? I would have attended far more cricket matches had I known that was the aim of the game.” 

“You can blame Simon for that one,” he replied, his taunt hidden beneath his neutral smile. “Still, good dodging back there. I thought he might have nearly caught you both.”

“Almost.”

“But alas he missed, like most of your players today,” you quipped, enjoying the way Anthony seemed to redden at the reminder of his team’s less than stellar performance. “Still, good effort. You’ve almost caught up with Her Majesty’s team. I believe that’s better than last year.”

“Well, that might have had something to do with the fact that she does have Simon,” Anthony grumbled. 

It was true, no one could out-run Simon - even if Anthony always gave it a damn good try: hence why the Queen often had him captain her team when he was in London for the season. Besides, the head of the other team was usually Lord Duval, due to his position as the Queen’s chief administrator. However, it seemed his brains and financial strength were all he had, due to the fact his social skills, and athleticism were sorely lacking. 

“Touché, and who is up next?” Eloise asked. 

“I don't actually know. The other team seem to be taking remarkably long to sort themselves out.”

Just then, almost as if on cue, three men began to hurry towards them.

A quick glance revealed that one of the gentlemen who was approaching was Colin Bridgeton, and the other the Duke of Hastings; that much you knew. The third was rather unfamiliar to you, however, you were pretty certain he’d been playing on Simon’s team. Regardless of his identity, neither he nor any of the other gentlemen now stood in front of you looked very pleased. Rather, they looked as if they had all sucked on a lemon, their frowns were so deep.

“Sorry to interrupt ladies, but I must reclaim Lord Bridgerton here for a moment. It appears Anthony will be needed to bowl again,” Simon sighed by way of explanation.

“What on earth for?”

Colin was the first to answer. “Lord Dingby is unable to bowl on account of the heat, and the Baron will not play.” His skepticism was clear as he shot the so called Baron a disapproving look. “He ’twisted his ankle’ or so he claims, thus we are down a bowler and the other team is down a player.”

You all rolled your eyes.

“So then, who will bat?” questioned Eloise curiously. “If Anthony is bowling you still require one more man to take their place on the other team?”

Wasn’t that the question of the hour. However, no one appeared to have an answer, and by the disapproving glare steadily growing on the Queen’s face, they didn’t have long to come up with one. 

“Maybe Lord Stevens?” suggested the third man hastily, staring around at the crowd. 

“No. He injured himself riding the other week,” Simon replied. “And unfortunately our hosts only saw fit to invite enough male guests as were playing. We aren’t exactly spoilt for choice regarding possible options.”

It was true. There didn’t seem to be any visible answer in sight given that those most suited to the game were already positioned on the field. 

“What about female guests though?” 

Your question hung in the air for a moment, causing everyone around you to turn in surprise. 

“Excuse me?” Anthony looked at you suspiciously as you began to rise from your seat. He was well versed enough to know when mischief was afoot. A fact that was proven right a moment later as you held your hand out towards a shocked - and excited - Colin.

He was only too happy to oblige your silent request as he placed the bat in your grip. It was rapidly becoming the most exciting event of the season and lord knows he wasn’t about to spoil the fun - especially if he got to rub salt into Anthony’s wounds at the same time. 

After all, given his display the previous evening, it was time you truly gave him something to feel embarrassed about. Losing.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Perfectly,” you smiled. “You’ve seen me when we’ve played Pall Mall. I have a decent enough swing. Besides, you said yourselves you need an extra player and there isn’t exactly anyone suited left - not anyone male, anyway.” 

“Anthony?” 

To his credit, your husband was also smiling, even if you could see the sudden tension forming behind his perfect smile. “I see no problem with it. I’m sure our hosts would prefer the game finished rather than called off because we ran out of players.” 

“Agreed. Well, it’s settled then.” Simon cheered, clapping a hand on Anthony’s shoulder as they looked back towards the field. “It seems she will be taking his go.” 

Then they noticed the rain cloud of a man next to them.

"She can’t play!” protested the third man. Everyone looked at him in silent disbelief. “This is a gentleman’s game. A Lady can not play."

“Her Majesty seems to have no objections,” Eloise commented smugly, glancing across the field. Indeed, it was true Her Majesty seemed to have no objections to the turn of events, choosing instead to exchange a wad of pound notes with the man beside her. If anything she looked exhilarated by the prospect. "Besides, I doubt a feeble female such as ourselves will pose any threat to your team, your Lordship.” 

“Well… I… Bridgerton, I still don’t think-” 

Thankfully, Anthony was all too busy gazing at you to take any notice of the pompous oaf’s objections. 

It was a look you were more than familiar with, the unspoken desire and encouragement obvious in the way his gaze softened. It was the same look he always gave you when you’d done something amazing (and most things were amazing in his eyes). It didn't matter if it was taming a particularly unruly horse, solving a maths problem that left the rest of them scratching their heads, or daring to step onto the dance floor at your first ball, knowing not another soul in that room other than him.  

It was a look that made you feel invincible. That you could do anything and everything you put your mind to as long as you had Anthony cheering you on from the sidelines... you were a team. Always.

"Anthony?" you asked, the challenge obvious - but also your sincerity. If he truly did not want you to play then you'd have marched back to your chair and sat right back down.

You'd meant it before. You loved your husband and wanted nothing more than to be the best partner you could be. Your hurt from last night had stemmed from the fear that, for a moment, that wasn't enough for him anymore.

Fortunately, it appeared you were wrong. Your husband wasn't embarrassed by you. If anything, he looked ready to kiss the ground you walked on as he leaned over and whispered in your ear, "If you can get four runs, I will personally pay you 5 pounds."

"You have a deal," you laughed. "As it is, women and ladies alike play cricket up and down the country. It’s high time we had a chance to show you boys up."

The other man began to protest again. "My Lady, my La-" 

He never got very far. You simply stopped, turning and handing him your parasol and shawl.

"Thank you," you cheered marching away.

He paused, taken aback. It didn’t help that Eloise was only too eager to firmly pull him back into your now vacant seat with a glare that could have melted ice. 

All around applause broke out as the players resumed their positions on the field. It took a moment or two for them to prepare for play but now everyone seemed to be watching intently. 

Oh well, if you were to dare to play at all then you may as well dare to achieve something from it, you mused, gripping the bat handle and aligning yourself with the wicket. Victory seemed a rather good start, especially given the fact you had no idea what Lady Whistledown would make of this turn of affairs. You’d already had a shocking enough entrance into the world of the Ton, what was one more daring display?

"Go easy, Lord Bridgerton," the referee cautioned from the side of the green. 

Anthony nodded obediently at the crowd’s titters. You could see the restraint he was demonstrating, choosing not to hurl the ball at you the way he would had you both been in the privacy of your home. Instead, it took all his will power to grip the cricket ball and resume his position on the field. 

Unfortunately, you never knew when best to desist from poking proverbial bears. That, and Anthony was too easy a target. 

"Yes, do go easy on me," you jibed. Everyone who knew you could hear the sarcasm buried in your voice as you took the bat and fluttered your eyelashes at him. "I’m only a delicate woman, but I must endeavour to ensure her Majesty’s team at least has an opportunity to best you, Lord Bridgerton. You’re only losing by what? A few wickets?" 

Oh. You were in for it now. 

Anthony’s grin was devious as he stepped back a few paces, weighing the ball in his hand till finally he charged at you, swinging his arm over in the perfect bowl. 

It was then you brought up your bat to send the ball back in a high arc. 

There was a moment of stunned silence as everyone followed the ball with their eyes. It was as if they couldn’t believe you’d actually managed to hit it. However, the shock quickly wore off as everyone remembered the point of hitting the ball in the first place. 

"GO!" came a yell from the crowd as excitement began to spread. 

So, you did.

Hitching your skirts in one hand, you began to sprint towards the other set of wickets, grinning as your partner passed you along the way. 

Of course, you would have liked to protest that you could have indeed run faster had you not been encumbered by your stays and petticoats. Your slippers were also rather terrible for any movement. What you wouldn’t have given for a pair of trousers right then. 

"Come on!" came another yell - it seemed as if everyone was forgetting their dignity in all the excitement as you tore back and forth across the grass in a mad blur. 

Had it been anyone but you, it would have been a terribly scandalous moment. Yet, your name - and the status of your betrothed - meant this was all merely seen as sport. Besides, from the way Her Majesty was whooping from her perch by the trees, it was clear where her loyalties lay.

"Come on Y/N!"

"Anthony! Run!"

"Over here!"

"Come on!"

The cries blurred into one as you finally turned at what you planned on being your final run, only to spot Anthony as he came sprinting back towards you… and the wicket.

"Oh no, you don’t," you laughed, charging onwards in a final burst of energy. 

You could hardly catch your breath as the world slowed around you. 

All that remained was you, Anthony, and the closing distance between you. 

You could see his desperation laced with delight as he watched you stagger towards the wicket… just as the ball he’d thrown hit it.

"IN!" 

The referee’s declaration initiated an eruption of noise as all around the green, men and women celebrated the spectacle they’d just witnessed, and the victory you had now ensured.  Within seconds you were swarmed, mobbed by well wishers and triumphant team mates. There were so many hugs and snatched ‘well done’s that you were quite at a loss what to do other than stand there and accept it. Thankfully, Anthony seemed to have read your mind and was at your side as soon as he was able to fight through the jubilant throng. 

The moment he reach you he took your hand in his. His expression was a mixture of awe and contrition, clearly unsure what to say to you.

"Good game," he praised. "Simon better watch out - I think Her Majesty will be asking you to captain her team next year."

"What a tremendous idea, Lord Bridgerton. I may just do that."

As if summoned by the very mention of her, a voice rang out clearly from behind you. Without even turning you knew exactly who was standing behind you, as the throng suddenly fell silent around you and parted like the Red Sea. In all the excitement you had failed to notice the Royal party making their way across the field to join in the celebrations. 

With a gulp, you turned and dropped into the most respectful curtsey you could manage without falling flat on your face. "Y - your Majesty."

The Queen chuckled. "I must thank you, Lady Bridgerton, for providing such excitement to our proceedings today. I also must thank you for the twenty pounds I just procured off of Brimbsley - that’ll teach him to bet against me."

You merely dipped your head in gratitude, unsure whether this was actually happening or not. After all, the closest the you’d ever been to monarch was your hasty presentation several months ago and that had barely earned you more than a curious glance, like you had been some exotic animal on parade at the Zoo. And now, the Queen was addressing you? A lowly Stable Master’s daughter? 

It was enough to make you feel as if this was all some kind of surreal dream. 

"Anyone who bets against your Majesty deserves to be relieved of their coin."

"True, True," she preened, gesturing for you and everyone else to rise. "I gather you have played this game before?"

"Growing up around the Bridgertons ensured I had little alternative," you confirmed, relieved when the Queen proceeded to chuckle good-naturedly. 

"I dare say you didn’t, my dear. Well, it certainly makes for a rather entertaining afternoon, as well as a victorious one. Perhaps we aught to have women playing more often." She turned her head and chose to direct her next words directly to your husband. "You’ve chosen quite the bride, Lord Bridgerton - you are to be congratulated on choosing such a spirited partner. I hope you realise how lucky you are."

"Indeed, your Majesty," Anthony replied, the earnestness clear in his eyes. "I’ve realised just how truly unique and remarkable she is… and how lucky I am that she chose to be on my team, even if not on the cricket pitch."

Another round of laughter echoed out at his declaration but you knew it was more than just a jest. In fact, by the all-too-clear pride radiating off of the eldest Bridgerton you knew what he truly meant with his honeyed praise.  

It was all the apology you could need and had you not been in such company you’d have dragged him into the bushes and shown him just how much you forgave him. Besides, your victory on the Cricket pitch was enough pay-back for both of you. 

As if sensing the amorous tension steadily rising around her, the Queen chose that moment to make a well-timed departure, in search of a refreshment. She barely gave you all a final nod before marching off to greet the rest of her guests, leaving you stood there with a rather gobsmacked expression on your face. 

"Well… that really happened," you murmured, struggling to maintain your newfound confidence now that the whole saga had come to an end. "Did I actually just do that? Did the Queen actually just … talk to me?"

"She really did," Anthony confirmed, hands grazing yours nervously, as if unsure whether or not you’d accept his touch. However, your hands accepted his readily, fingers intertwining as you squeezed his palm in an obvious attempt to ground yourself. "You truly were incredible today - I know you don’t need to hear it but, for what it’s worth, I am proud of you." 

"Thank you."

"And I truly am sorry for being such a world class fool, last night," he continued swiftly, clearly keen to make his apology whilst you were willing to receive it. "I didn’t mean to make you feel as if I was embarrassed by you. I never could be. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I was vexed with my brothers and because of several other trivial matters, but I allowed my temper to get the better of me and I handled it poorly. I lashed out at the wrong person - the one person who deserves nothing less than to be told how incredible she is, every single day. I am unworthy of you, Y/N. I know no one else in the entire world so awe inspiring and to let you think otherwise for even a moment was my failing entirely. You are brave and smart and funny and kind and beautiful-"

"Ok, Anthony. I get it."

"-and I am unworthy of someone with such skill on the cricket pitch-"

"Anthony," you squealed, trying to hide your laughter as he pulled you into his arms and smothered your face in kisses. "It’s fine. I forgive you. After all, I also lost my temper and said some things I didn’t mean. Can we just agree we’re both sorry and put this mess behind us?"

"Yes! God yes," he sighed, looking like a weight had visibly lifted from his shoulder. "Because I really do not like fighting with you. Instead, I think we should be enjoying your victory parade. Today is your triumph, after all - the Queen’s champion." 

"Hmmm, I rather like that title," you purred, gazing up at him. "But between us? I prefer being your wife, much much more."

[thatbirdrestaurant]

A deeply unnecessary analysis of NaLu and Natsu's feelings

I'm as much of a sucker for insta-love NaLu as the next guy, but I do genuinely believe it took these two a while to fall in love. I can't deny that there was an immediate attraction, especially on Lucy's end, and I do think romantic feelings have been stewing between the two of them since as early as season one, but the realization took a really long time to hit.

We'll start off talking about Lucy, because I have the least to say about her. I've said before that I think Lucy didn't realize she had feelings for Natsu until she realized she was in love with him, which was after the events of the Eclipse Gate. I can pinpoint the exact moment she realized; the moment right after, when her and Natsu are standing in the rubble, and she just starts crying before running to hug him. I think that's the moment she realized that she loves him, and she has for a while.

I believe it took so long for Lucy to realize because she grew up in a very sheltered environment. Her only exposure to typical teenage experiences that didn't involve arranged marriages was teen magazines; she knew what it felt like to be superficially attracted to someone, when someone was objectively attractive, and she's had crushes before, but never really been in love.

We're moving onto Natsu now, because I have the most to say about him by a landslide. For immediate starters, I don't really recognize 100 Year Quest; even though I love all the GruVia development within it, I find it to be a very unnecessary spin-off that doesn't respect its characters, especially Natsu. It's done horrible things for his maturity as a whole, including all the development with Lucy.

Natsu loves Lucy, that's something I've believed for a very long time, and he shows it in his actions more than anything. He's protective of her, he loves spending time with her and he's upset when she isn't around, and he wants to move Heaven and Earth for her. He has since pretty much day one.

But he doesn't realize he has feelings for her until their fight with Kain, and he doesn't even realize he's in love with her until he watches her (future self) die.

That doesn't sound right, though, does it? How can someone watch a scene like Natsu putting the rainbow sakura on a boat, just so Lucy can see it bloom, and think he doesn't realize he likes her until much, much later?

Natsu was raised in an environment where you would cut off both arms and a leg for your friends and family. Fairy Tail is a guild that values familial relationships and friendships more than anything. I truly believe that, to Natsu, most of the things he did for Lucy before the fight with Kain, he did with what he thought were platonic intentions.

On top of that, I do headcanon Natsu to be on the aromantic spectrum. He doesn't feel romantic attraction as "easily" as other people do, and he very seldom actually recognizes it as such. He knows what it is - how could he not, when surrounded by it so often - but he's never really felt it himself. Maybe he had a bit of a childhood crush on Lisanna, but that's stretching it thin. She was his best friend, that's for certain.

Natsu thinks he and Lucy are as normal as friends as anyone else in the guild, until she has the chance to leave him behind for her own safety, and she absolutely refuses. I cannot watch that scene without feeling like I'm watching Natsu fall in love, realize his feelings at the very least.

Another NaLu trope I'm an absolute sucker for is that Natsu thinks, and has thought, him and Lucy have been dating for quite some time. Do I realistically believe so? No, I don't.

I think, to some capacity, Natsu knows that Lucy loves him, too, the same way that he loves her, and I think he believes that's a mutual understanding. To Natsu, they both know how they feel, that they're in love, but they're not in a rush to discuss it, to put a label on it.

He knows they act like a couple, that people who pass them on the street see a boyfriend with his girlfriend, and that's enough for him at the moment.

Natsu and Lucy's final conversation before the end of the series was a confession. Hiro Mashima can pry this belief from my cold dead hands. That was Natsu's way of confessing his love for Lucy, his way of expressing that he wants them to be together forever, but he's still Natsu, and he still thinks Lucy knows he loves her.

Lucy is a very shy person; she gets flustered just from Natsu standing too close, and Natsu is already content with the two of them just existing near one another. Would he like to hug and kiss Lucy? Of course he would, but he doesn't need it.

Where him and Lucy are is already more than enough for him, he just, unfortunately, doesn't realize that Lucy isn't on the same page. She would like to be, though she doesn't even realize it, but she doesn't quite have the courage for it.

While I do think Lucy is pining for Natsu, I don't think she's doing so painfully. She gets flustered when people insinuate her and Natsu are a couple, as anyone would, but she doesn't seem very torn up about correcting people. She loves him, yes, but she's completely fine with just being his friend. She's grateful enough to have him in her life.

They're in this weird limbo of 'not a couple, but not just friends' because while they're not oblivious to their own feelings, they're oblivious to the impression the other has about their relationship. Natsu thinks they're dating, but are taking things slow; Lucy thinks they're just friends, but would love to be more.

[abitcaughtinthemiddle]

The Hypocrisy of Vex'ahlia

Before you all come for me, I am a Vex stan and I will defend her until I die - she is my favorite Critical Role character and I'm so glad we're getting a deeper dive into her psyche.

The complexities of her character cannot be overstated. She has a lot going on under the surface, and the breadcrumbs of her deep-seated insecurities have been there the whole time.

I'm really excited we get to explore those in season 3 through her relationship with Percy, in a way different than what we've seen in the actual play streams. I want to commend the writers for being able to convey so much in so little time.

We are introduced to Vex as a sexy, confident woman who uses her looks and charisma to her advantage. She takes charge most of the time, being the unofficial "leader" of Vox Machina. She presents herself as someone who doesn't really need anyone else and does not care about anyone outside of her brother. Keyleth even comments on this in the first episode, "Vex and Vax only care about themselves".

This, of course, is a complete fabrication, a mask she wears to hide her insecurities. A mask, she wants no one to see through. The irony here is that she can so easily see behind Percy's mask - "Darling, take off the mask". It takes one to know one, after all.

She so badly wants to get underneath Percy's mask, for him to show himself to her fully. There's something inside of her that sees the guilt and shame inside of him and that resonates with her belief that she is deeply broken. Vex truly believes that something must truly be wrong with her. And why wouldn't she? Saundor, who said he knew everything about her, saw this, too, after all.

Saundor says plainly, "you will never be enough."

So it must be true, right?

Why wouldn't something be so wrong with her? It would make sense. Her father carries no love for her, her mother died, and Vax had to sacrifice his life for hers. She knows Vax loves her, and she believes he is the only one who does. Even Kamaljiori, an ancient and all-knowing Sphinx, fed into this during their test when Vax fell: "you have no family left who cares for you".

Her hypocrisy lies in the facade she built as a woman who does not need anyone or anything. She presents herself as someone who does not need the love of others, when in reality, she desperately wants to be loved.

Saundor saw this as well.

Vex longs to love and be loved. And yet, she cannot allow herself to give up her facade and let Percy love her and admit her love for him.

The last person to see through her walls was Saundor, and we know how that went.

What he said really cut her deep, as we see after the Kevdak fight when she brushes off Pike's inquiries about her experience in the fey realm.

As we see her relationship with Percy move from harmless flirting to physical intimacy at the beginning of season 3, we see her embrace the physical closeness to Percy but starts to block him out the moment he wants to cement their relationship. But she can't let herself tell him how she feels because that would mean admitting her heart is his - and that would be doomed to end in tragedy, as Vex admits later in the cave.

Putting up this emotional wall between her and Percy will not give Vex what she wants: love.

Love is that emotional intimacy. Vex loves to point out the importance of love between other people- in season 2, pushing Keyleth to tell Vax how she feels ("it always matters"), assuring Allura that Kima's love for her will help her endure after Vorugal's attack, and putting faith in the rest of Vox Machina.

Vex understands what makes love so special, and how important truth and intimacy are to real, lasting love.

And while she comforts others and pushes them to be vulnerable and embrace love, her own fears prevent her from fully doing the same. It's ironic and sad, how one of the only people who can see through her mask is the one she's pushing away.

Trauma makes hypocrites of us all.

Image credits @blorbologist @aq2003

[theealbatross]

a habit to kick, an age old curse (s.s)

Plot | They're no longer friends unfortunately they're still soulmates.

or, you and Sebastian are now strangers but at your most vulnerable moment he picks up the pieces. Only he knows. Only he can.

Tags | angst, heartbreak, when you're too depressed to confess, sebastian and the bad bitch he pulled by being stupid, sebastian is an academic weapon if he wants to, mentions of fire torture, murder (self-defense), trauma, emotional cheating (if u squint), slight fluff as a treat, panic attack, PTSD, Anne is dead, 3k-ish of angst

[A/N: Stream 'i love you, i'm sorry' by gracie for full immersion.]

Quidditch Season was important for every student in Hogwarts but it was the after-parties that everyone was truly looking forward to, house pride aside. 

Which is what exactly Garreth had been barred from. “I can’t believe I wasn’t given an invitation just cause I’m friends with you! I’m not even a Slytherin! And I make the best punches!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, sighing. Even he didn’t think those pesky Ravenclaws would take their competition this seriously. It all started when he had finally decided to become an auror, after a peaceful, distraction-free year and careful deliberations from each of his professors, he was given the informal encouragement that he was one of the few students who had the potential to become a trainee to such a prestigious program. With his ever-growing physique and indisputable intellect, it would simply be a question of effort.

He just needed to be at the top of all the classes required of him. This was the tragic news for all those Ravenclaw dreams – once Sebastian had his sights on it, it was as good as his.

He hadn’t expected that their ire of him extended to his friends. Even refusing to invite them to the first party of the year that the Ravenclaw had won against the Hufflepuffs. Sebastian had half the mind to join his own House’s quidditch team even with his packed schedule just so he could wipe the floor with them. It would be worth never sleeping again.

“What do you want me to do Gar –”

“Here.”

A piece of paper hung from above him, the hand it was hanging from was connected to a face he hadn’t seen this closely in a long, long time. Even the whisper of her name in his mouth felt foreign – a tragic circumstance when a lifetime ago she had been a kindred soul.

Before he could say anything else, Garreth had already snatched the paper from in-between his eyes. “Is this – Really?!”

“The password for today’s party, try to sneak in when the ‘guards’ are smashed,” she grinned at the redhead. Then, Sebastian felt a cold blade slice through his chest (a hand suspiciously touching the spot just to check) when she looked back down at him again. “For old time’s sake.”

It took him a moment too long to realize she was talking to him too. But his tongue felt heavy and stuck, the metaphorical rug under his feet getting pulled out when he least expected it.

He nodded.

“See you around.”

He stared as she waltzes gracefully from the bustling crowd, getting roped into a hug by her boyfriend, William Frey, the bloody captain of the Ravenclaws. When he had heard about it, he couldn’t quite point out why he hated his smug, pretty face but then, using his blessed brain he got his bitter answer: they were too damn perfect together.

He was everything she deserved.

Smart, popular, kind, and comes from a good family that will be able to support her in whatever endeavors she might be up to in the future.

Not an orphaned criminal who couldn’t even save her sister.

The state of their friendship – or lack thereof – was pitiful but he knew it was for the better. Without each other in the way she can be loved by all those around her – something he has never been able to offer with his murky history that left a rubble of a man. And without her he can forget about his failures and mistakes, distract himself with as much schoolwork as he can cram in his head and never remember the times he sacrificed their friendship for his own gain only to lose it all anyways.

If he doesn’t see her then he can forget – he failed and his twin sister is dead.

A brilliant witch with a brilliant future didn’t deserve to be associated with failures.

“That was tense,” William whispered in your ears as he led you towards the courtyard. “A friend of yours?”

A flash of the lives you’ve lived with the Slytherin flashed before your eyes. Friends, what a lowly name.

You faked a smile, fighting every urge in your body to look back.

“A long time ago.”

The party was loud, no doubt the quidditch players were milking any taste of victory they have before they deal with whoever wins between the Slytherins and Gryffindor’s next week.

The music was loud, nearly pounding through the silencing charms in the walls of the common room. William at the thick in all of it, celebrating with his teammates, not forgetting to wave at you in your seat with that charming smile that usually makes you swoon.

However, it was the charmed fireworks all over the ceiling that had your heart exploding out of your chest. Flashes of nightmares at every pop.

The dark forest, the ruined castle, the ropes in your stretched out hands as Rookwoods men threw all sort of fiery spells at you as target practice.

You pinched your eyes shut, shaking your head, trying to focus on breathing.

When you were starting to get dizzy you knew it wasn’t working. You tried to push through the crowd, reach your boyfriend somehow and at least let him know what was going on but it was impossible. It was the peak of the party when everyone was too drunk to do anything but drink more and dance more. With a shuddering breath, you instead skirted around the crowd and escaped narrowly through the doors of the Ravenclaw common room.

Not even bothering with a disillusionment spell, knowing damn well all the prefects would be in the party, you ran to the nearest floo to travel to your common room.

However, even the silence and comfort of the top of the common room wasn’t enough to ground you as you stumbled straight down the cold tiles, a yelp escaping your mouth from the sting of your skin.

“Someone there?”

That voice, distant but familiar. Painfully familiar. Your eyes continue to blur as your breath hastened, your limbs too weak, and the cold floor too damn comfortable for your overheating body.

“Are you alright?” He’s closer now, at the bottom of the stairs.

No, no, no.

In your desperation, you swallowed your pride. Forgetting in the moment how humiliated you will be to be seen by the last person in your house you wanted to show this side of you.

He would take care of you.

He always takes care of you.

“Sebastian,” you could barely croak out in between your gasps. Silence followed and you whimpered, crawling down to the edge of the top of the stairs when you heard fast footsteps ascending and there he was.

“Fucking hell, what happened to you?!”

Before you could try to say anything else you were already carried in his arms, Sebastian’s panic at seeing someone that was always so shiny and untouchable on a daily basis gasping and writhing in their common room floor was something he had not prepared himself to see tonight.

He thought the worst would be drunk seniors he would have to haul up their rooms not his … not you.

Carefully, he placed you on the nearest couch, your grip in his arms painful but welcome as it grounded him and prevented him from rattling when he saw your pale face covered with sweat and tears.

“Pet, you gotta help me here, what’s going on?! What do you need?!”

His eyes plotted your face, firm hands frantically running across your body to check for any stain of blood or hints of the source of your pain. It was agonizingly intimate, especially with the knowledge of how much this has happened in the past – one of you writhing in pain, the other doing their darndest to fix it.

A shot of pain pierced your chest when you suddenly breathed in, making you cry out and crawl into his arms.

Your calming medicine – it was in your bedside table. However, it was no use, like blood was not reaching your brain and all you know to do is to just hold on to Sebastian.

“Fuck!”

In a blink, your face was buried in Sebastian’s neck, the entirety of your curled up body tightly held together by him as he sat you in his lap, arms wrapped protectively around your body. “Breathe with me,” he whispers, taking deep slow puffs and caressing your hair. “That’s it, deep breathes. Follow me, darling. Enough with your crying now, listen to my voice.”

In. Out. The clean scent of the common room, faint sweet smell of his favorite tea.

In. Out. The sweat on his skin, the cologne he had worn since the first day you met him.

In. Out. Old books, fresh parchment, thick ink, and the throbbing aroma of the Amortentia you brewed last week.

“Hey,” you could feel the sweat start to cool your skin, his rough hand worked on your cheeks as he continued to cradle you in his arms. His body relaxing with yours until you could take up air on your own. “What hap –”

“What in Merlin’s … did you do this?”

You stared up in wonder, the two of you surrounded by a large bubble, the ones you usually see when you throw a Protego, except this one continued to enclose you. Now that your panic has passed you realize you can’t hear anything else but … the sound of water?

He looked shy, rubbing the back of his neck as he settled you back on the couch. It was only then you realized that you had been in his lap this entire time. You hoped the dim light of the common room hid the embarrassment in your face.  “It’s … something I’ve made. Helps me sleep at night. What you’re hearing is the sounds under the Black Lake. I’m gonna write a paper on it for Ronen, should get me a couple of points.”

Ah, his valiant academic conflict with the Ravenclaws did not escape even you. They’re going to fucking curse him in their sleep when they realize he was a lap ahead of his competition.

Now that your vision wasn’t doubling you could faintly see a golden string that connected from the bubble, straight through the tall glass window of the common room. “Sebastian, this is brilliant.”

A flare of nervousness lodged in your chest when Sebastian suddenly looked at you– the gaze that let you know that he could see right through you. He always saw right through you – you’d grown to hate it.

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

He was a gentleman – always had been. It could be the fact that he had (has? is it too soon?) a sister that he was so well-versed in the heart of a lady. But aside from that – Sebastian, at some point in time, was someone who knew the most. And the gods’ honest truth is you never could hide a secret from him.

It could be the alcohol in your system or the buried instinctive nature to tell him everything back when the two of you spent late nights in the Room of Requirement and talked about everything being unearthed but you felt like being honest. Even if the boy beside you had grown into a stranger.

“I’m … remember when I got kidnapped by … and you …”

And you saved me.

Again. Always.

He was there, charging headfirst, ignoring Professor Fig’s warnings and Ominis’ pleas to wait for the Aurors in Hogsmeade. When he arrived, he saw the burn marks, bruises, and wounds all over your body and just saw red … and left red. 

“The Rookwood incident?”

By the time back up had arrived the two of you were slumped on each other and surrounded by corpses, eyes blank and suspicious, desperately holding on to each other.

“The Rookwood incident,” you nodded. “What I didn’t tell you is that before you had arrived, they had been … they tied me and threw fire spells at me, that’s where I got my wounds. I never told you because –”

He was too angry. And you were too terrified of pushing your closest friend to the darkness he had been tethering on. Not that it mattered, he fell right to that cliff on his own.

“I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widened, hands shaking in front of you. “No, Seb, it’s not like tha –”

“I know you were trying to protect me. You always were,” he shook his head, now it was him who couldn’t look at you. “How many scars did I give you?”

“I healed just fine –”

“Then let me rephrase my question, “ This time, the look in his eyes terrified you. The intensity, the guilt – it was so palpable you almost want to cup his face the way you used to, to ease his cruel burden. “How many of these nightmares have I cursed you with?”

Your silence made his bitter smile grow. You don’t have to say it because he (always) knows – the worst nightmares were the ones with him in it.

“Does … does he know about it?”

You nodded, “He does. William tried to help, sent me to the best mind doctors last summer but … I’m just so tired. I’m tired of the tests, the probing in my brain – he means well, I know he does but there’s nothing those strangers can tell me that I don’t already know.”

With an understanding expression on his face, the two of you sat in silence, staring at the large windows hovering over the two of you as the deep quiet of the lake echoed in the fragile haven he had conjured up. If you close your eyes, if you forget about everything else, you could almost trick you mind that these was one of those good times.

That you’d turn and find him buried in between towers of books you had borrowed from the library and Ominis would be sleeping against the wall of the Undercroft. And then you’d catch his eyes and he would smile – a silent message between two people who didn’t need to speak to communicate – and the silence would stretch, just like this, but you would be together again.

“I could teach you.”

You raised an eyebrow and despite himself he chuckled. He didn’t have the best history with teaching you spells, after all. “This charm, I mean.”

How many cures has been shoved in your throat? How many disappointments you hid in lies that, yes the Calming Elixir cures me of such flaws. Did you need any more help? Would it fix you this time?

“It won’t fix anything but it might ..” he shrugged. “… make tomorrow easier.”

You’re terrified of him, you realize. How can someone know you so deeply without ever even realizing it? Does he know? The power he has over you? How you would’ve burned your life to the ground if he had asked for it?

Ask, you wanted to scream. Ask. Ask. Ask.

“Alright,” He seemed surprised, you smiled at the face he made. “Couldn’t hurt.”

For all his nonchalance it was a complicated charm to cast. “No, it has to be more than half a circle when you swish it –”

This was familiar. A bit more awkward and with a lot more strain but it was familiar – if all had gone well this would have been just an unremarkable day in your life. You can’t help but wonder if your burden would be lighter if he was the one helping you carry it.

You swallowed your thoughts back down, no sense in dreaming of different realities now. Because this was your life and the worst thing that could possibly happen did happen. So, you’ll take all that you can get – even if it’s just one last night pretending everything didn’t slip out of your hands.

“No, here, let me guide you,” When Sebastian was in his ‘professor mode’ as you and Ominis used to tease him for, he gets so focused on teaching that he doesn’t notice anything else, doesn’t even notice your gasp as he wrapped an arm around your back, grasping the hand with your wand and helping you trace the shape needed to cast the spell. “And the word is ‘Salus.”

Salus. Safety. Salvation.

That’s who he was. Your Sebastian. “Salus.”

On cue, a bubble surrounded the two of you once again, the white noise of the castle replaced by the deep lake’s groans. “Perfect.”

Despite the time you spend learning all sorts of complicated magic, it never takes away the quick flutter of your chest in excitement at every spell you master. “I did it!” You turned to be Sebastian but he was already looking at you.

You’ve always told him if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought Sebastian was the true heir of Slytherin. He just fits here – in the dim lights, and emerald furniture, and the coldness that emphasizes just how warm he is. “… beautiful.”

“What?” He was staring, his hooded gaze, the freckles you had always wanted to trace into constellations, the part on his lips that teases your skin with his breath.

“Your technique is beautiful.” He’s lying, you don’t catch it. Suddenly, your half-pinned hair fell apart, Sebastian having pulled away the clip holding it away from your face. “Now, lay down.”

His arms were gentle and firm as they guided you to lay across the wide couch, Sebastian having scooted down to sit on the floor, face in front of yours. He’s so close. “Sleep.”

You hope he knows, that if your sleep remains dreamless tonight and if your tomorrow is easier, it’s not because of his painfully complicated spell. Your eyes waver, the edges of your sight dimming and blurring. You feel a touch on your cheek, you try to chase it. The last thing you see is his deep brown eyes and the soft smile that had been the biggest curse he had unknowingly laid on you.

He has to know, right?

You have to tell him.

Sebastian, I’ve always – I still – I never stop –

“Hey, wake up.”

Your eyes split open, another ghost of your past in front of you. “Ominis?”

The noise slowly trickled as you became more aware, eyes shifting to you, some out of curiosity why you picked the couch as a resting place instead of your bedroom a few feet away or some that saw you in the party that held some pity, probably thinking you’re suffering the worst hangover of your life.

“William Frey is looking for you by the door,” he muttered sharply. It’s been a while since you and Ominis interacted, his tattered friendship with Sebastian extending to your own as the boy’s most loyal comrade in his pursuit of destruction. You know he lays a blame you and for that you couldn’t blame him. “Honestly, I had thought you had grown out of your foolish habit of sleeping everywhere.”

“I-I’m … sorry?”

He shook his head before turning to leave.

Had … had everything been a dream?

You looked around suspiciously, for what you weren’t quite sure. A sign? A pillow out of place that could be evidence that last night happened?

It wasn’t mere delusion, you were sure. The knowledge of the spell in your head evidence enough of the small moment you shared with an old friend last night but it would be nice to have some sort of proof. A tangible confirmation that you could keep with you as you return to your reality.

With a sigh you let your disappointment fester for a second longer, locking last night in the deepest part of your heart, one that can only be unearthed once again in your loneliest nights.

A practiced smile cements on your face, turning to the chair one last time to allow yourself one more moment of hesitation before going up the stairs.

Back to the beautiful boy who will only see the beautiful parts of you and leaving the one who gets the honor of keeping the shadows.

Inside the boy’s dormitory Sebastian stares at the stolen emerald clip on his bedside table.