#she's not ugly she's just weird and that's beautiful
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I wanted to make her pointier ig
for me she's a hero without a cape or the babygirl that people talk about
#tumblr drawings of her are so AUWSHUWUS I wanna eat them cuz the poses are so cute and nervous and ANXIOUS#I CAN FEEL HER VIBE THERE SO GIRLFAILURE WHO MUST BE HUGGED#do u guys think shes a orange lesbien?#I think she's bi cuz there's nothing more anxious than a bi girl with long pants (and a bi boy with short pants but we talk abt it later#for me shes like “ok I'm attracted to this gender and I know exactly what can go wrong!! WAIT. MY CHANCES OF BEING REJECTED HAVE DOUBLED 😭”#and she's also that “g-girls pretty” meme#I'm not even THAT obsessed with her like I prefer ennui and sadness and anger but anxiety has her charm#she's not ugly she's just weird and that's beautiful#inside out anxiety#inside out#inside out 2#inside out fandom#anxiety#THE BIGGEST EYES KNOWN
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good for her.
#i still think that was such a weird and nasty grievance that worsley had with the casting lol#and so unkind to single kate out when she was at the time fresh out of acting school and this was her first big role#and suddenly she was included in headlines about this incredibly famous/successful book's adaptation#with her appearance being scrutinised with the implication she was miscast according to a historian/expert#it's good that kate says she feels it didn't impact her performance. but she should not have to give a statement like that.#did nobody think it weird that kate had to dedicate a portion of her time in this interview to giving lucy worsley a pass?#i wonder how the actress who played jane in worsley's documentary felt...#wolf hall#and. well. it must be said: if the daily mail & the times published stories about ab’s inherent ugliness#citing her ‘bulbous forehead’ etc.#well… i have to wonder what the reaction would have been from the same crowd who insist we should ‘be honest’ and accept jane was ugly#and accept this kind of language — and how INGRAINED it is — as normal and healthy#well i think it’s dishonest (i think jane looks lovely in her portrait) and i think this fandom has an unhealthy relationship with beauty#and i can only assume that that's the message we are intended to take away from this headline: that jane's ugliness is important abt her#maybe she was. i don't really care.#but i'm not sure why lucy (& journalists) are clinging SOOO tightly to the idea that she was a 'plain jane' archetype…#('mortified' oh my god... kate is a better woman than me)#it just continues to reduce jane down to a nonperson... rendering her merely an amalgamation of hollow tropes.#people aren't actually 'plain jane's in real life.
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So a big nose on a brown girl is pretty and ethnic and aesthetic and cultural but a big nose on a white girl is ugly,,,
#like#normalizing traits associated with poc is good until it’s still considered weird or ugly on non poc#bc you’re not normalizing the features you’re making exceptions#when a brown girl has hyperpigmentation it’s ok because that’s a part of her skin and it’s natural but when my skin is darker around my#nailbeds is because my hands are dirty or it’s weird or I need to take better care of my hands or it isn’t supposed to look like that#brown girl: has puffy frizzy dark hair that clearly wasn’t taken care of well for a long time#everyone else: oh this is such a tragedy and an instance of racial discrimination and cultural erasure#while girl: has puffy frizzy dark hair that clearly hasn’t been well taken care of for a while#everyone else: um ew that’s gross you need to straighten your hair or something#when brown girls due their hair blonde to fit into beauty standards it’s sad but when a white girl does it she’s improving herself#it’s just a shame that when a poc is bulleid for their traits it’s racism#but when a white person is bullied for having traits that are associated with poc it’s just bullying#and those traits are still considered ugly
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omaidens has such a good art style and premise but is such a depressing read in terms of how everything is handled it really sucks. if it's actually in any way realistic to japanese high school girls experiences it sucks and is sad. which is why the very light-hearted comedic tone thats applied both to very mundane cases of teens going through puberty and actually literally being groomed/molested by adults is so fucking jarring and off-putting
#manga#and so fucking weird that sugawara being groomed by an old man isn't treated as a funny comedic element and is portrayed as somewhat tragic#but hongo being groomed by her teacher is supposed to be funny??#bc in the first case we have an “actual pedophile” who is gross but in the second we have a “good guy” who just wants to teach her a lesson#sonezakis love story is also extremely depressing btw. like its depressing that she had to conform to beauty standarts to fit in#idk why its supposed to feel good. she was bullied for being ugly but as soon as she started wearing makeup she got accepted#rejoice girls you too can be friends with girls who bullied you if you change everything about yourself and find a boyfriend#basically feels very much like trying to write off all the fucked up things that happen to young girls as “oh well thats Youth for you!”#instead of being like Hey maybe something is wrong. with our society.
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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BELLUM. anyway (I start too many posts with "anyway" but anyway)
whether platonically or romantically, Elsa thinks Spinner is just. pretty ? his hair, his scales, his eyes, his claws, he's just, PRETTY
and I'm sure that's wild to him bc he's like "... but you. you're." *gestures violently to her bc he doesn't want to embarrass himself by saying "a fucking snow goddess"*
how can someone who's so pretty think he's pretty ?? does not compute ? but it's the truth and she thinks he's beautiful ?
local lizard needs to lie down and process that statement for at least a week, more at 11
#is that a fucking gremlin ?? ( OOC. )#(( I'm thinking there probably weren't any / very few heteromorphs in the area where she lived in Norway#so she has literally never seen someone like him and she's a lil starstruck and sometimes he will catch her staring at him#and I'm sure he gets embarrassed and thinks she is staring bc she finds him weird or ugly#but no no she's staring bc he's pretty and bc she's never seen someone like him before#like his appearance is a novelty to her but in a good way if that makes sense ???#it's new and different and beautiful and I say ''novelty'' but even so it doesn't stop her from treating him as a person like you feel me#''eh??? of course you are a person you just happen to be a very pretty person so sometimes I have to stare''#honestly I'm crying bc she would describe her feelings as ''my heart smiles when I look at you because you are lovely''#and I think that might make the man short circuit ))
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went to see the barbie movie a few days ago and hm. weird
#spoilers for the tags and also a slight little rant#for a movie all about girls and woman it sure was all about men#and made a pregnant woman the butt of the joke just bc she was pregnant#and there’s a whole segment at the beginning where a barbie is all ‘my emotions make me stronger =)’ and then later barbie just gives up#and sobs on the ground#a character calls barbie ‘white savior barbie’ after she did literally nothing to be called a white savior#and later that same character goes ‘that’s cultural appropriation’ when her DAD tries to learn spanish bc her MOTHER SPEAKS SPANISH.#their whole patriarchy plot was weird and dumb and preachy and poorly executed#and overall he plot was just.. messy ig?? idk it was a weird experience#it also felt like mattel giving themselves a pat on the back for diversity that they (to my knowledge) do not have#and everything with the kens was odd and weird and unnecessary#it was so preachy and then it turned around and did the exact opposite thing#i thought this movie was going to be about how barbie is an intergenerational experience for so many woman#and that she brings together so many woman no matter their differences#and it was almost that. esp at the beginning#and then it turned into a weird hypocritical messy story that really had no memorable message or theme#and bro ken was so badly written. everything was badly written but especially ken.#anyways there was a wonderful scene where barbie told an old lady that she was beautiful and she replied with ‘i know’#which would be lovely if the main reason Barbie was on her quest wasn’t because she was getting cellulite and on the path to becoming ‘ugly’#uhhhshfjks yeah bad movie. lots of weird messy things.#this is more than a slight little rant oopsies#my bad i’m opinionated#this isn’t even the half of it too lmao#negativity#rant#ranting#allan and weird barbie were great tho#and the acting costumes set effects cinematography etc. were outstanding#it’s just the writing that was Fucked#there were absolutely good things but so much of it was just. hm. idk i can’t rlly explain in just he tumblr tags that well lmaoo
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oh so everyone is lying about the movie d.e.b.s. huh. Its not bad in a good way. its not camp. its just annoying.
#its like the craft. watching the gifs on tumblr you'd think the insane goth girl is the main character#only for the majority of the film to focus on some girl you've literally never noticed who disappears in the posters from lack of charisma#the two lesbians were BORING. i thought all 4 of them were equally gay#turns out only the bland one is. french cigarette smoking devon aoki is worth seeing but#she barely has any lines#spud the evil lesbian's straight male best friend is the most entertaining & likeable character in the movie after devon aoki which is an L#for all lesbians and this movie in particular#& the female straight best friend has the only iconic line in this movie#“everyone thinks you're a hero when you're actually a slut. a gay slut”#movie sucked im sorry#also those two lesbians were so insanely weird looking. this is what lipstick lesbian means#not femme (which devon aoki is actually serving effortlessly in this film) but straight looking in a really uncomfortable way#beauty rituals femmes don't engage in like powdered bronzer contour#& straightened layer haircuts. & those weird ugly 2000s tshirts#hyperfeminine in an oddly sexless way which is like the opposite of femme#hated it. i wanted to see devon aoki make out with a woman#& the old lady director. they shouldve been killing each other for that older woman pussy but no#turns out shes just the defacto homophobic villain. ugh.
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I think i sound very uh flat n monotone normally, but a lot of ppl disagree.. my perception of my self is sooo skewed
#talked to cjs sister for the first time and she went on abt my voice and it’s weird because to me#I sound like a teenaged boh#*boy mixed with pinkie pie on a good day#either that or it’s giving like. weird seductress rouge the bat grown man#very gender if I say so myself#I’ve been drawing myself a lot more so the way I perceive my self is literally changing by the second#do people notice i deepen my voice the first time we talk#do they notice how I balance on one foot#do they notice the accidental like. ci#*vocal mimicry I do? ch was telling me abt the things they love abt my body because I was being silly and self hating#and it’s weird that the things we r both insecure abt are just things that like. make us us? idk#bad wording. cj could totally change everything new aesthetic new clothes new body type idk they would become my standard for beauty because#they already r. my type is her#I worry if I lose or gain weight if I change my hair again if I change aesthetics or go father into grad goth shit if they’ll find me ugly#but. I don’t think they will#I’ve gained lost changed done all the big changes looks perocnaliyy wise#and I consistinely feel loved and wanted#sorry rambling abt my gf over#ppl sometimes tell me I’m intimidating or rlly nice#strangers call me lovely#loved ones call me everything in between#I see myself as a wretched ugly creature that won’t chnage no matter how much I pull my body around#but maybe that’s not entirely true#but also I like pretending to be a nonhuman creature because it’s fun and dehumanization is okay when I do it
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i'm sick of it if i ever write my own stories i'm gonna write the characters ugly, no more clear skin no more naturally convenient proportions or small noses. i'll write it explicit and it's not gonna matter
#and i don't mean oh she's fat and beautiful or oh this weird thing about him is oddly charming no#imma make them ugly#if you still find them attractive that's good for you but i won't spend my time making characters for them to be played by tom holland#give me a random guy thin hair no chin someone who you'd see in a walmart and forget#and especially. Especially. the women#no traditionally beautiful women in my fiction#i just watched one of those superhero movies and didn't know who was who half of the time because all the women were white with a thin nose#long brown styled hair and makeup#like please let women be people
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I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)
(long dump in the tags and under the cut)
The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.
Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.
Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.
She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.
She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona
#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design#especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design#but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it#ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply.#she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her#this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down#for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say#is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them.#you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“#the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional#we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply#so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship#despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others#but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again#and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us#but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it#out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating#we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them#they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group#but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie.#we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave#like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened#i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh#i am she and she is me#rambling#dragon character#character writing#character building#dragon oc
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“look at me, hm?”
toji's voice is barely above a whisper, his words softer than ever. with his hands circled around your middle, he stands there behind you, his chest glued against your back like a big bear. his heavy head rests on your shoulder, eyes locked onto yours in a quiet plea. you think you hear a pout in his tone.
but you don’t give him a reaction, gaze locked onto the vegetables on the cutting board in front of you.
you’re upset with him and toji feels like he's dying.
all of this just because you're jealous.
because the love of his life is jealous.
toji only spared her a glance, brushing her off and saying that his partner is waiting for him – she’s the one that went on and on, talking about the milk carton in his hands as if toji had never seen it before. but little do you know, every single word that spilled from the stranger, went in one ear and right out the other – toji couldn’t be less interested in anybody other than you. if you were to crack open his head and take a look around, it’d be all you. you and your laugh, you and your eyes, you and your hands, you and your hobbies. you and you and you. even when he was standing there with the milk carton in his hand, the only thing on his mind was how he’s going to watch you chomp down a big bowl of cereal the next morning.
you just happened to see the moment the woman leaned closer with a charming smile on her lips and her hand on his forearm while saying her goodbye, and that was enough for the ugly thoughts to bully themselves into your head.
even though you trust toji, you know he doesn’t entertain any flirting attempts that might come his way, but sometimes… sometimes you just can’t help but feel that you might not be enough. what if he did think the woman was more beautiful, or maybe he did find the guy, who asked for his help at the gym the other day, hot? what if he found them more interesting than you, what if he feels himself stuck to you against his will?
you heard your own words swimming around in your head and cringed at yourself, ashamed that you were letting that weird growth of jealousy torment you.
but it had already taken root.
that evil, ugly little thing in the back of your mind. and you couldn’t shake it.
not on your own at least.
toji had made his way over to you, taking his place by your side while squinting at the little piece of paper in his hands. but you were quiet, more so than usual, and toji isn’t stupid – he might not be the best with feelings and emotions, but he does know you.
he could tell just by the way you avoided his gaze, the way you started to shorten your answers. the way you pulled away and into yourself – he watched you disappear into your own head right in front of his eyes and he hated it.
but not wanting to push any wrong buttons here in public, he swallowed your silence with a heavy heart and guided you to your car with a hand on your lower back. he’s not as afraid as he used to be – he isn’t as scared to step into your space, now knowing that this is just what you need sometimes. a little push, a little nudge, to break free from the vines of envy and jealousy and doubt. he’ll burn them, he’ll cut you free.
the car ride home was quiet. with your head rested against the window and eyes set on the passing buildings and cars, toji found himself stealing glances at you every chance he got. oh, how he hated the pout on your lips, the very same one you’re wearing now. all he wanted to do was to take you into his arms and kiss you, hold you. to make you laugh. to make you forget every single thing that has ever bothered you.
toji let you simmer for exactly ten minutes, just enough for you to change into your pyjamas and to wash up before deciding on your distraction – the dishes. he snuck up on you as silently as he could; the tips of his fingers itched to feel your skin under them, his ears tired from the silence in the apartment. the sigh that you let out as he pressed himself flush against you, sounded better than anything before. toji had already started to miss you in those twenty minutes you were away from him.
“please… “
it’s not often you get to hear that word, especially in that tone, so it’s hard for you to ignore the stuttering of your poor, sensitive heart. his nose nudges against your cheek and you put down the knife to lean into him on instinct; with your hands on top of his, your bodies mold together like pieces of a puzzle.
“you know you’re the only one for me…”
the words form in the back of his mouth and roll from his tongue like a low purr. they’re coated in something sweet, in something only you get to see and feel. his arms tighten around you and you know he means it. his heart beats against your back, as nervous as it is confident. he’s sure about his statement but a part of him is still scared that you won’t have him. that you’ll leave him.
“she talked about the milk, that’s all she did, sweetheart.” gently, he sways your bodies side to side, letting the warmth of his body engulf you as he ropes you back to him.
“yeah?”
“yeah.”
“do you believe me?”
it’s something you’ve been practicing in order to get rid of any remaining specks of doubt. it goes both ways; he trusts that you’ll say what’s on your mind and you do the same.
honesty.
raw and real.
“yes.”
toji lets out a little puff of air through his nostrils, a wave of relief settling into his body. he knows it’s not over just yet, but it’s a start.
“can i kiss you?”
toji’s mossy green eyes meet yours for the first time in what feels like forever and all he can think about is how much you mean to him. his darling, his baby. he’s not one to be a sap, but hell, when it comes to you, he’s more than willing to drop to his knees and recite love poems for you if that’s what you’d like. anything and everything.
he watches your eyes flick down to his mouth and then back up again and the little nod you give him is more than enough for him to finally press his lips to yours in a needy, hungry kiss. you melt into each other – skin against skin, tongue against tongue, it just feels right. the spark between you is still there, burning brighter than ever after all the time you’ve spent together. over hills and mountains, through lakes and rivers – nothing is too much or too little for the two of you to conquer together. he’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for him.
“‘m all yours, sweetheart.”
his hushed words slip right between your lips and slither their way down your throat. inside, they bloom and they flourish. they overtake the rotting weeds that were growing there before and you feel it. you feel it happen. he breathes into you and you become alive again.
"i love you."
#crying sobbing wailing#i love him so fucking much i'm gonna die#toji#wtf mickey can write#toji x reader#toji fluff#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro fluff#jjk toji#jjk x reader#jjk fluff
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Me when people get upset that a character who is canonically described as pretty is portrayed as such because they're obsessed with labeling an 11-year-old "conventionally unattractive" because she was bullied for her looks
me when people give canonically conventionally unattractive characters instagram face
#I think it's very weird how obsessed people are with Arya being /ugly/ when the only mention of it is her being mocked by Sansa and Jeyne#Arya is described as pretty several times and said to look like Lyanna who is also described as beautiful...what's not clicking?#all of the ways that Arya gets shit on and misinterpreted in this fandom and the only thing y'all will /defend/ is her right to be ugly lol#/why can't she just be unconventionally attractive/ because George R.R. Martin decided that wasn't how he was going to write her#why are you so passionate about a point that literally does not exist in the story? why does Arya being pretty bother you?#reblogging art of a darker-skinned Arya while thinking she's conventionally unattractive is ummmm....certainly something#considering she's only ever described as pale/pink-skinned..do you think she's canonically darker? or that's just a headcanon?#I have questions considering you're so passionate about /canonical/ portrayals of these characters#can't wait until this turns into /Arya stans are obsessed with looks!/ again just because we acknowledge canon
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How to manifest your desired face:
*This is the most popular topic, so i made this to clear up some questions you might have or struggle with.*
Manifesting your ideal face Can be frustrating sometimes, why? Well you Always encounter the mirror, and it Can get you very demotivated and you might think that there's no movement or doubt the Law.
But let's simplify LOA Real quick-
1. Decide: decide what kind of face you want, it Can be mixed or just the ideal face you want.
2. affirm: making an affirmation that you feel comfortable to repeat for example "i already have my desired face" "i look exactly like xyz!"
3. persist: being stubborn and faithful to your assumption, you Always return to your assumption/imagination regardless of what the 3d shows you. For example: you still see the same old face in the mirror, before reacting, you affirm that you have your desired face.
That all you gotta do.
But here's the Real question →
Why the 3d is still showing me my old face?
Duh 😒 didn't we ALWAYS Say that you shouldn't take the validation from the 3d? The 3d won't EVER give you your desired face if you focus on it.
The 3d will Always shows you your current assumptions, if you keep saying that you don't have your desired face, well Guess what? Yeah duh you will still see your old face.
But we need to fix that, we need to stop this repeating cycle.
YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR DESIRED FACE! IT IS DONE!
The second you decided that you have your desired face, you have it in 4D.
Done deal.
There's nothing for you to do now, just to persist in the assumption that the fact you already have that desired face of yours.
And the 3D will catch up on and will reflect your 4D, IF you keep fulfilling yourself and accepting the imagination as the true reality.
I cannot stress this enough when i say that the 3D is just a mirror, a dead reality, without imagination, it nothing but a dead reality, what you're experiencing right now is because you imagined it first then it was being reflected into the physical reality.
"B-but Eli i can't ignore the 3d when it is in front of my face😞"
Yeah i know it is difficult but let me tell you.
YOU DON'T NEED TO IGNORE THE 3D!
Just know it will change cause you literally decided that you already have your desired face, you know it is done, creation is finished, you already have your desired face in your 4D and the 3D have no choice but to reflect it!
"but Eli i'm done seeing my ugly face!"
I know it is hard when you are Always in front of that mirror, but beer with it for a while, keep saying positive affirmations, keep affirming that you look exactly like your desired face! I know it will feel Weird and uncomfortable at first but you will get used to it with Times.
"but Eli when i see those pretty girls on tiktok i feel so insecure and i wish to be them😢"
Girl, instead of saying that, when you see a pretty girl on tiktok just Say "oh my god! She's so pretty! But i'm prettier than her, that obviously🙄💅🏻" or "this girl is so pretty like me!".
Affirm against any opposite thought, you're clearly telling your subconscious every single day and reminding it that you DO have your desired face and you're already pretty.
How to know that i'm living in the state of the wish fulfilled?
You won't give a single Fuck to the 3d, you know you already have your desired face so you won't give a single Fuck to what the 3d throw at you.
You'll feel an immense calmness and you'll feel like you already own/ have that desire, it will start feeling natural.
You know it is a done deal, you already have your desires so you'll be unconcerned about what happening in the physical reality, no matter what the 3d throw at you, you KNOW that you do have your desires in the 4d.
People saying your ugly? The Fuck girl? Can't you see my beauty? I'm literally the prettiest.
Seeing pretty girls and feeling insecure? Gurll i'm literally prettier than them, they wish to have my face.
Still seeing your old face in the mirror? Gurl i literally have my desired face, i looks exactly like xyz.
See how it is easy? You just need to be disciplined.
If you really want your desired face, then be that stubborn mf and manifest that perfect face of yours.
Now go and make that change, you'll thank me later😌.
Xoxo, Eli
© Scentedpeachlandcreator
#law of assumption#loa tumblr#loa#loa blog#law of manifestation#how to manifest#loassumption#void state#4d reality#affirm and manifest 🫧 🎀✨ ִִֶָ ٠˟#affirm and persist
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unexplainable feeling when u decide to check twitter after a long time and there’s always some debate going on about whether a beautiful woman is ugly or not and bc she’s slightly unconventionally attractive and has like yk normal human features everyone is like “i’ve never met a human that even kinda looks like this in my life” “i know this is weeeirrddd but i think she looks kinda good in a weird way?? am i crazy??” “we need to start letting ugly women be famous again, normal people are getting boring” and then a parade of people show up to say “yes, like her —“ posting pictures of the most conventionally attractive and stunning famous women ever. meanwhile everyone else is comparing her to the ugly duckling from chicken little.
does not feel good tho.
#some guy literally was like ‘i’ve met ppl that look like this. they’re always artsy and slightly autistic’ bro that’s just her fucking FACE#have u ever gone outside??? she is a normal beautiful human woman with features i see every day#what the fuck is wrong with everybody. and why do i still have twitter when every time i check it i leave with a stomachache#i know other ppl’s opinions don’t matter but. it fucks u up to be in a mindset where u can’t stand the way u look#and u think ur so weird and strange and bad looking and u don’t look like normal people#and then u see hundreds of ppl looking at a woman who is more normal looking and more beautiful than u saying she looks ugly and inhuman#and autistic (which u are)#that if u think she’s beautiful there’s smth unique and strange and heroic about u#like ur doing the world a great favour by allowing her to exist at all#and it’s like. if that’s what they think of her what must everyone think when they see me? if they see me at all?#one of the ‘weird looking but pretty girls’ someone brought up was JENNY FUCKING ORTEGA#HELLO????
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His Mini Version
His reaction when he saw the little doll version of himself that you possessed.
── .✦ Character x Female Reader (MC)
Included parts in order: Rafayel, Xavier, Zayne, Sylus, Caleb.
♡︎. Tags: fluff, domestic fluff, soft and sweet, plush dolls, established relationship, jealousy (Xavier's part), long distance relationship (Caleb's part)
♡︎. Word count: ~2k4
♡︎. Requested by Yue AuV.
── .✦ Masterlist ♡ Request a fic - closed for the time being.
Rafayel
“Huh?”
Rafayel picked up the plush doll on the table, examined it for a moment, then turned to you and asked, "Is this how you think of me?"
You blinked. "Lovely, right?"
Rafayel frowned. He raised the doll to your eye level and said:
“Hear me out, Miss Bodyguard. I do look handsome and stylish, my physique is toned, with a model-like form. Yet, why... Why is this doll that you believe to resemble me so... chubby?"
"Rafayel!" You shrieked and swiftly grabbed both hands to cover the doll's ears. "How can you say that in front of Little Fish?! He'll feel terrible for himself!"
Rafayel gazed at you, then at the plush doll you had just given a name. His body was spherical, with small arms and legs coming out of it. His face was likewise round and fully linked to his body, resembling a huge cotton ball with purple hair patches on top.
"I've gained a little weight lately," Rafayel said, pouting while rubbing his belly. “But I'm definitely not that round!”
“I made him exactly like you for a purpose. Criticizing him means you are criticizing yourself.”
Rafayel did not give up. He took up Little Fish and brought it near to your face so you could compare.
“Don't you think he's muuuuuuuuch less attractive than me? His body is not as beautiful as mine. He is not as cute or talented as me. Can he paint? Can he make you laugh? What makes you think he can ever replace me?!”
You tried not to laugh when Rafayel puffed up his cheeks, looking like a pufferfish, even identical to that plump plush doll. You replied:
“Well, you don't know that Little Fish also has a very special feature that is different from other dolls!”
"What's so amazing about it? Tell me."
You extended your hands to accept the doll from Rafayel. When you gently squeezed the center of his chest, Little Fish made a sound mimicking Rafayel's voice:
“Hello Miss Bodyguard! Hello Miss Bodyguard!”
Rafayel stared at him with wide eyes. His demeanor changed from astonished to slightly suspicious.
"I recorded your voice," you added. "Simply hit the button, and he will talk. I can make a new recording if you want. What do you think? He's good, huh?"
You enthusiastically hugged Little Fish and approached him. Rafayel simply scratched his head. “Humans certainly have many strange toys,” he commented. But in the end, seeing you having so much fun with the plush doll, he patted your head and said: "Even though it's a bit ugly and weird compared to my standards, I'm still happy that Miss Bodyguard likes me so much that she even owns a plush doll designed after me!"
Xavier
Since joining Lumiere's fanclub, which was founded by your colleague Nero, you frequently brought home merchandise related to him. There were badges, cards, decorations, and even cotton goods. Among the dozens of Lumiere products that take up room in your residence on a daily basis, you absolutely adored the plush doll named Lumi.
Lumi had two bunny ears and was only a little larger than your hand, making him easy to carry anywhere and at any time. When you worked, he would stand on the desk to encourage you. When you trained, he would slip into your coat pocket and patiently wait for you on the bench. Every time you went out, you carefully put him in your bag. When you arrived home, he was usually on the couch next to you, or cuddled in your arms while you watched TV together. Even when you slept, you would bring him into bed, place him next to your pillow and cover him with a blanket.
Needless to say, this made Xavier quite uneasy. He had not liked Lumi one bit since he appeared in your arms for the first time. The plush doll occupied all your attention. He accompanied you everywhere, all the time. Your phone was full of pictures of him. Even when you slept, the doll was allowed to sleep with you while Xavier was left out. He sat on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and glancing at Lumi.
“That's it, kiddo.”
Lumi opened his large blue eyes to stare at Xavier.
“You must leave.”
A rabbit ear on Lumi's head drooped down.
“Give her back to me. Besides, the place where you sleep used to be mine."
The plush doll continued to stare at him with such innocence. Just as Xavier was about to pick him up, you walked into the room. You had changed your clothing, and of course, your pajamas included Lumiere's chibi pattern on them.
“What are you talking about with little Lumi?” You asked.
“Ah, nothing. I'm just telling him to go away.”
"Huh? Why? He's so little, he won't take up too much room on the bed, right?"
Xavier gave him a glance before turning to you, and his eyes quickly returned to their round, watery condition.
“He's been following you all day. Why does he even take my place at night? Do you really like him more than me?”
Xavier knew too well that you easily got softened when he acted like that. If Lumi's cuteness captured your heart, he would reclaim it by the same method.
“It's not like that,” you replied. One of your hands caressed Xavier's cheek. “Lumi is the one who will protect me in my dreams on the long nights while you're not here.”
Xavier rubbed his face into your palm. He said, “But now that I'm here, Lumi can go elsewhere.”
You thought what he said was right. So you compromised and placed the doll on the opposite side of your pillow, rather than between you and Xavier as previously. You snuggled into Xavier's arms. He remained silent, as if he had a lot on his mind. Then, after you had fallen asleep, he covertly grabbed Lumi and threw him to the ground, then hugged you even tighter.
Zayne
You set a lunch box on Zayne's desk, then placed something else on top.
It was a little plush doll measuring about ten centimeters. He had black hair, green bean eyes with a little brownish-yellow tint, he also donned a white blouse just like a certain doctor.
“What do you have there? A mini version of me, it seems?” Zayne asked while putting away the files on his desk to prepare for lunch with you.
“Hehe,” you happily took the doll. He nestled into the palm of your hand. “Doctor Zayne, look how small you are! I can hold you with just one hand.”
Zayne gave you a little grin. Then he grabbed your other hand, pulling you closer to him.
"Of course." But if you use both hands, you'll be able to handle more than one Doctor Zayne.
You grasped both big and small Zayne with care.
Lunch that day went really well. Before departing, you slipped the little plush doll inside your coat pocket on the left side of your chest, patted it a few times, and told Zayne:
“This is where tiny Zayne will stay every day. I will take him everywhere, including work, amusement parks, and even home. He will always be by my side!”
Zayne smiled and responded, "It turns out that I can cure not only your heart disease, but also your love sickness?"
You blushed. The Zayne standing in front of you suddenly leaned down, as if talking to the little doll in your pocket: "Miss Hunter and this plush doll's entire day would be so hectic. Would you mind asking her whether she still has time to join me for dinner tonight?"
You laughed when you noticed Zayne's childishness. You replied: “Of course I do. But after all, little Zayne is still an intern here. What are Doctor Zayne's thoughts about being his mentor?"
Zayne stood up straight, tenderly touching the doll's cheek with his finger. "All right. I'll be spending time with Intern Zayne. But when I do that, the lady who takes care of Intern Zayne should come along as well.”
As soon as he finished speaking, Zayne's fingers rose to push on your face. You puffed up your cheeks and nodded firmly in accord. From that day on, all your dates with Zayne were accompanied by little Intern Zayne, and he even made arrangements for the doll to have a separate seat by the windshield of his car.
Sylus
Sylus made frequent late-night visits to your place. That night was no exception. But he was astonished to see you open the door with a worn out expression, dragging a big plush doll on the ground.
"Why does it look so familiar?" Sylus spoke after studying the doll. He was around sixty centimeters tall, with white hair, red eyes like two rubies, and a signature smirk that looked so much like Sylus's.
"Huh? Oh, Baby Crow is a mini version of you!” You replied. After closing the door, you strolled back to the living room, holding the doll. You and him fell onto the sofa. Feeling tired after a long day, you had decided to hug the doll to bed before Sylus arrived.
He looked at you and that Baby Crow doll on the sofa and clicked his tongue. “It's a little huge compared to the definition of mini. And what the heck are you putting on me?”
Sylus snatched him out of your grasp. The doll - his little version - was dressed in pink Hello Kitty patterned pajamas, identical to the ones you were wearing. He frowned.
“You and the doll even have matching pajamas. Where are mine then?”
Slowly opened your eyes on the sofa, you giggled: "Seeing that you like it so much, I will make you a set tomorrow. There are also Kuromi ones."
Sylus leaned down and kissed your hair, whispering: "Sleeping on the sofa will hurt your body." Then he helped you get up. You wrapped all of your limbs around Sylus's torso, as he held you with one hand and carried Baby Crow inside the room with the other.
Another night, when Sylus arrived home late, he caught you cuddling Baby Crow and sleeping soundly on the bed. Both of you were wearing the purple Kuromi pajamas you had mentioned before. He grinned as he softly punched Baby Crow.
“Hey, you're taking up my space,” he told him.
The plush doll's challenging smile appeared to be taunting him. Sylus removed him from your arms and placed him at the end of the bed. Because there was nothing left to hug, you rolled over slightly, your fingers constantly searching for warmth until you found him.
Sylus took the doll's place, held you, and allowed you to immerse yourself in his arms. He said quietly: "You don't need a plush version of me anymore when you have the real one here, right?"
The next morning, still drowsy, you cuddled him and told him that your Baby Crow had grown into a genuine person.
Caleb
Caleb sent you a surprise package. Curious, you opened it and discovered a plush doll the size of a pillow inside. What was worth noting was that the doll resembled him, with purple eyes and an apple on his head. You phoned to show off to Caleb, who was still on duty at Skyhaven.
“Oh, you got him? I mean, Baby Cal?”
“You even have a name for him?” You grabbed the doll and placed him in your lap so Caleb could see him through the video call screen.
"Of course. I purposefully ordered him specifically for you. He's a present.” Caleb smiled brightly. He was free at the time, but his mission had yet to end so he could not come home to you right away.
You gazed down at the doll on your lap. He was so warm, and his adorable chubby face reminded you so much of Caleb. You inquired:
“But why did you send him to me?”
"To keep you company when I'm away on missions, of course," was his reply. "He will remind you to eat and go to bed on time, or hug you when you're weary."
You touched Cal's head. It was true; he was so soft that you simply wanted to squeeze him.
"Is this your compensation for not coming home for a month?"
Caleb laughed. He seemed a little sad. Then he instantly returned to his regular fresh appearance.
“Do you like him?”
"Of course. I can even release my rage on him every time I'm angry at you. Look!”
Having said that, you squeezed the doll's cheeks really hard. Caleb laughed from the other side of the screen. "Poor, little Cal. It looks like he'll have to take my position as your punching bag for a while now."
You kneaded the doll's cheeks again. He even donned a military uniform similar to Caleb's. The doll would not be able to replace him, you know; yet his existence would sooth your longing for the real person.
You leaned your head against Cal and asked Caleb:
“I have Cal here. What about you?”
“Oh, wait a minute.”
Caleb disappeared from the screen. You heard a rustling noise. A few minutes later, he emerged with another plush doll dressed in a Hunter suit. You immediately recognized it as a plush replica of yourself.
“This is little Hunter,” said Caleb. “She and little Cal are a couple. Every time I look at her, I will always think of you. For example, when I enter the room, she will appear and say: 'Why haven't you bought a ticket to Linkon yet?!' or 'You still dare to stay up late playing games?!'..."
You burst into laughter. "I didn't say it in that awful voice. But how old are you to even buy these things?..."
“I've been teased a lot by colleagues these past few days since I got little Hunter,” Caleb told you. “But since I think you also like plushies, I wanted to make something for you.”
"Thank you." You smiled, lovingly rubbing the doll he sent. “I like little Cal, but he's going to miss little Hunter very much. You mentioned that they were a couple. It means they should not be apart for too long, right?”
#love and deepspace#fanfic#oracleofstars#rafayel#xavier#zayne#sylus#caleb#lnds xavier#lnds x reader#lnds x you#lads x reader#lads x you#l&ds x reader#l&ds x you#xavier x you#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#rafayel x you#zayne x reader#zayne x you#sylus x reader#sylus x you#caleb x you#caleb x reader#lnds sylus#lads sylus#l&ds sylus#lnds zayne#lads zayne
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