#she's not entirely alone like her dad has a bunch of equipment and her parents sometimes help. but its mostly just her

[llycaons]

haven't been watching house recently because I ran into the youtube of an absolutely delightful 26 year old canadian who bought a run-down old house on her own and has been making videos for the past two years on her projects renovating it, and that's been so much more engaging than watching taub struggle to care about his two year old daughters instead of reading porn

[drmmyrs]

Remember Me (Becca x MC)

So, weird story. I was randomly browsing tumblr one time when this ask pops out at the top of the screen (req about amnesia au Becca’s POV). It wasn’t even related to anything I was reading but checked my inbox and it wasn’t there. Most probably the ask isn’t for me but still wrote it just in case 😅

PS if someone DID send me this ask, kindly drop me a message just so I know I’m not seeing things 😭

PPS I’m trying out a new writing style and I’m not sure if it’s any good so I’d really appreciate any feedback 🥺 (this will be a mini series too, I think, since the angst potential is definitely there 😂)

PPPS title is inspired from the song in Coco just cause I’ve been playing it a lot on piano recently

tag list: @whackawriting @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr @baexpoppy @alexroyard @alexlabhont @veenast @noixngn @sillyandcutewizardstuffs (If you wanna be added or removed or just prefer a certain ship just let me know ❤️)

Pairing: Becca x MC (Emily)

Word Count: 2090

I don't remember what happened, nor know where I am, but I hear shouting, lots of it. I try to move, but my body feels completely numb; the only thing I can feel is the trickle of liquid that splatters across my face. Rain? I open my eyes strenuously, but all I can see past my blurry vision are brown eyes glistening with tears. I can't quite make out her face, but for some reason, seeing her cry sends a flurry of emotions that hurt more than my throbbing head. I try to open my mouth, hoping to provide comfort somehow, but no words come out. She is saying something over and over again, something about leaving? But my head hurts too much to be able to comprehend. A siren then blares from a distance, growing louder by the second as flashes of red cloud my vision. And that is when everything turns black.

I slowly open my eyes–still reeling from the nightmare that somehow felt too real–and harsh, blinding lights immediately greet me. I hastily shut my eyes back and suddenly become well aware of the ache engulfing my entire body. It isn't before long that I realize that someone is holding my hand, tracing lazy circles against my skin ever so often. I try to move it but only manage to lift a finger, and at once, the grip tightens and becomes still for a moment before I hear a voice– How can a voice sound so familiar... yet so strange? It's saying my name, urgent and gentle at the same time as though I might break at any second. I try to open my eyes, but exhaustion grips me powerless. And soon, I succumb to its fiery grasp as I slip back into slumber.

When I wake up again, I already feel much stronger than before. The ache in my body has turned into a dull hum as if sharp nails are gently caressing my skin, enough to be felt but not to hurt. I look around the room, panic swelling in my chest as I take in the sight of different medical equipment looming around my bed and needles sticking out of my arm. I fight the urge to squirm as I take big, calming breaths, ignoring how the four white walls seem to close in on me. Thankfully, the door opens, and a nurse walks in, temporarily distracting me from my distress. She smiles upon seeing me awake and walks towards me.

"Welcome back, Ms. Davenport. How are you feeling?"

"W–where am I?" I ask weakly.

"In the hospital. A month ago, you were involved in a car crash, and your head was hurt pretty badly," the nurse says sympathetically. She is now taking my vitals, scribbling something on her chart from time to time.

Car crash?

I scrunch my eyes, trying to remember, but the harder I try, the more my head hurts.

"Wait. A month? Are you saying that I've been here... for a month?"

The nurse nods. "You've been unconscious the entire time. But your vitals now are looking good. The doctor will just run a few tests to make sure we don't miss anything."

I stay quiet for a while, my mind still processing everything the nurse just said, which has only raised new questions.

"Your friends and family were really worried about you, you know. There wasn't a day when you didn't have any visitors. Especially that special friend of yours you were in the car with." The nurse turns towards me, holding a pen against her chin. "What was her name? Em–Emma, I think? She barely left your side. She actually just went to grab some food before you woke up."

...I don't know any Emma, but I don't tell her that.

"What about my parents?"

"Your mom and sister usually visit during the evening."

"And my father?"

The nurse shakes her head. "I don't think I've ever seen your father."

The nurse leaves after a while, and the doctor comes inside the room shortly. I answer a few questions before I'm escorted outside to take some tests. Afterward, the nurse leads me back to my room and gently guides me to bed.

"Would you like me to call in your visitors?" the nurse asks.

I nod.

The nurse goes out, and soon my mom walks in followed by–

"Emily." I frown. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Both of them stop in their tracks. My mom looks at me in concern and confusion, while Emily looks like I just punched her in the gut.

Anger bubbles up inside me as a realization comes to mind. "Y–you. You're the one who did this, aren't you? You're the reason I'm here."

A guilty look flickers across her face, confirming my suspicions. And before I can stop myself, I shout at her to leave, but she stands there motionless, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Go get the doctor," my mom tells her, which snaps her out of her shock. She scurries out of the room at the same time my mom starts walking towards me.

"Why is she here, Mom?"

My mom stops at the side of the bed and reaches out to stroke my hair. "Honey, the accident was not her fault."

"But she was there with me..."

"Yes."

"Why?"

My mom's hand goes still, resting on top of my head. "Becca, what was the last thing you remember?"

"I..." I close my eyes and think hard for a moment. "I–I remember hosting the Kappa party. But that doesn't make any sense. Why would I leave with Emily?"

A brief look of panic flashes across her eyes.

"Mom? What's wrong?"

My mom smiles at me, but it looks forced. "It's nothing, sweetie. The doctor will be here soon."

But I can see that she's trying her best to keep calm–the look on her face similar to when she would talk to my little sister and me right after we would hear her and dad fight.

The doctor comes in a little while later, asking a bunch of questions similar to my mom's. They then do more tests on me, and I grow scared by the minute, not understanding what the hell is going on. Eventually, I'm back in my room alone, my mom and the doctor staying outside to talk. After some time, they enter the room, and my mom sits beside me, taking my hand as the doctor walks towards the other side of the bed.

I look at my mom, drained from all the medical tests I went through the entire day. "What's happening, Mom? I'm scared."

My mom squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. "The doctor will explain it to you, sweetie. But I'll be right here the whole time." She then gives a single nod to the doctor.

The doctor smiles at me politely. "How are you feeling, Becca?"

I stare at him, suddenly annoyed at being asked the same question over and over again.

"Right then." The doctor clears his throat. "During the accident, your brain was affected more than we initially thought." He pauses, and I meet his gaze, willing him to go straight to the point. "It seems like you have retrograde amnesia, meaning that you have no memory of the past three years of your life."

The doctor goes on and on about the technicalities, but I'm not listening anymore. His voice is reduced to background noise as I repeat his words inside my head, trying to grasp the implications of what he just said. I prop myself up, looking wildly around the room, tugging at my shirt as if it would help me breathe. But it doesn't. My body feels numb, which is why I almost don't notice my mom pulling me into a tight hug, stroking my back comfortingly as she whispers reassurances. I focus on her voice, forcing myself to take deep breaths as I slowly begin to calm down. I pull away after some time, recomposing myself as I find my voice.

"Three years," I whisper.

"We'll help you recover your memories, honey. But for now, you can ask me anything you like."

"I–I think I just need some rest."

My mom nods, helping me settle back in bed before she leaves, promising to be back tomorrow.

Sleep comes easy to me, and I wake up the next day with Madison sitting at the chair next to my bed, browsing her phone.

"Hey, Maddie."

She looks up from her phone, a smile lighting up her face before she practically jumps out of her chair to hug me. "Becca!"

"Ow, that... kinda hurts."

When she pulls away from me, her eyes are teary.

"Sorry, I just missed you so much. You were gone for so long! I thought–"

"Hey, hey, none of that," I say, smiling at her.

She pulls the chair closer to my bed and sits down. "How are you, Becca? Your mom told me about your... condition."

I stare at the ceiling. "Yeah, it sucks." I snap my head back to her. "Tell me something. Do we still hang out a lot?"

"We still meet up from time to time. Not as much as we used to, though," Madison says, smiling sadly.

I nod. "Who do I usually hang out with now?"

"Emily."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Did we become close friends or something?"

"Oh, right. You've only been together for like two years," Madison murmurs contemplatively. "She's your girlfriend, Becca."

I let the information sink in. "You have got to be kidding me." I stare at her wide-eyed. "How–What–Why?"

Madison recounts our 'love story,' each detail more absurd than the last. I don't want to believe any of it, but Emily as my girlfriend... it actually explains everything. I rub my temples. How the hell did that happen? I remember like it was yesterday when she tried to steal Chris away from me. And now... and now...

"Maddie? Can you do me a favor and grab me something to eat? I'm starving."

Madison smiles. "Of course."

Madison goes out in a while, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

***

After a few more days of recovery, I am finally allowed to leave the hospital. Despite my protests, my mom explains that I will have to stay with Emily and her friends at what I assume has been my home for the past two years. She explains that she prefers for someone to look after me constantly, and she will not be able to do that with her job and all.

Outside the hospital, I find Emily waiting near a car; her eyes are bloodshot, as if she hasn't slept a wink in days. When she sees me approaching, her face immediately brightens up. Our gazes lock briefly before I turn back to my mom.

"Are you sure I can't stay with you?"

My mom smiles sadly. "I'm sorry, honey. I wish you could, but..."

"It's okay, I understand."

"Look, I know you don't remember, but these people you've been living with... they care about you very much.”

I nod.

My mom pulls me into a hug before guiding me inside the car, shutting the door afterward. She and Emily talk for a brief moment outside, and I watch as she hugs Emily before walking away. Emily steps into the passenger seat.

Zack, who is sitting in the driver's seat, turns around and smiles at me warmly. "I'm glad you're back."

I shift uncomfortably, ignoring his gaze. "Thanks."

We drive home silently, awkwardness saturating the car space. Upon arriving, I observe the details of the house, seeing if it sparks any memories... but nothing. I see Emily looking at me intently, probably thinking the same thing. They then lead me inside the house, and I step in hesitantly, taking in the surroundings, which vary immensely from the sorority house, the last place I lived based on my memories. Emily guides me to my room, lingering near me as I open the door.

"Becca–"

I turn towards her. "Please don't. I know you think I'm your girlfriend. A–and I guess I was. But as far as I remember, I don't like you at all. So I would appreciate it if you just leave me alone." I turn around and go inside my room, shutting the door behind me. I then lie on the bed, trying to forget how the light dimmed out of Emily's eyes as I broke her heart.

[olruggioofthetorch]

sorry you know me I like to ask a million questions so here it goes- Tinsel:5,18,20,27,31,39,40 / Nila:13,28/Roman:11,6,7/Benji:4,19/Saoirse: 20,25,27 /Fionn: 6,7,10,33/ Scone:21,23 - sorry can’t remember the other siblings off the top of my head and these are the major ones anyway right haha? and this is a lot of questions anyway soooo

Ooo we're getting into the selkies tonight

Tinsel

5. What was their childhood fear?

Being alone or left behind. It was definitely a threat when they were a kid like "if you aren't on the caravan before we leave at noon, we're leaving you behind". I don't think their parents would have actually left them behind when they were small but it was enough of a threat that they and their siblings listened for the most part. Its not so much a childhood fear as it is a regular adult fear now.

18. If they could live or visit anywhere, where would they go?

Tinsel really likes where they live but they do have dreams about living on a sunny coast with their partners when they all settle down. Idk if there's anywhere specific they want to visit? They just go where the adventure leads them. I think they would like to visit somewhere to meet up with their family, tho.

20. What did they dream of "growing up" to be?

Oh man, Tinsel wanted to be an A List celebrity actor. They wanted to be lead role in blockbusters. It was a big goal for them but they were sure they could do it.

27. Have they achieved any of their childhood dreams? Are they still trying? Have those dreams changed?

They've gotten some of their childhood dreams! They moved to Holly Bay and made tons of friends. They got to act in live theater. They were almost in a movie! They got some notoriety from adventuring and were on TV for it. They got to kiss their childhood crush. They didn't quite make it to the A List after getting blacklisted but they're def still trying.

In regards to how they changed: I don't think they changed too much but they did see how hard it was to achieve them. Plus, they started dreaming about having a family when they were with Bast so that's definitely something they want now.

31. Who are they when they aren't with the party?

When they're not with the party, Tinsel is way less open about themself. They're a master of either talking around a question or lying by omission and they use it when they don't feel comfortable sharing. Pre-adventure, they didn't really even tell their closest friends the entire truth about their backstory (which is honestly buckwild and hard to believe anyway) or their relationship with Bast or really anything about their love/sex life.

I think it's bc they don't think Kira and Zona will judge them.

39. If someone could tell them anything about the future they asked, would they want to know? Would they ask?

I think they have actually, they asked if they were going to get married. I don't think they would want to ask something super serious because they aren't going to listen to a no.

40. What sets them free?

A good support system. Tinsel's very talented and driven but they need the power of friendship to keep them from burning out.

Nila

13. How do they like to spend afternoons free?

Nila likes to paint. She dipped her toe into art forgery for a little bit but decided it was more fun to steal the real thing and do her own work on the side. She has one of those cute little travel watercolors she uses to paint landscapes when she gets some time alone. Absolutely no one knows she has this hobby.

28. If they could change their class(es), would they? To what?

I dont think she'd change her class from rogue but she would def take some wizard skills.

Roman

11. What were their teenage years like?

He was a horrible teenage boy, mostly bc he wanted attention. He started off with red hair but occasionally made it redder when he got teased about it. He activated the Cain instinct in a lot of his siblings but I think Tinsel tried to kicked his ass the most purely due to how close their ages are. He shot them with an arrow by accident once and never lived it down.

His mom taught him archery at around 14-15 and he got very good at it to try and impress her. He left home around 18/19, picked up some odd jobs/repaired archery equipment professionally for a few years until Nila called him up like "hey bro miss you let's do this heist together".

6. Did they grow up with siblings? What were those relationships like?

Yes lmao my boy has 9 siblings. I sort of talked about this in the last question but yeah he liked to stir the pot for attention. Even though they tried to kick his ass, his siblings still love him. Him and Saoirse always got along really well and I'm p sure she stopped him from actually getting murdered as a kid lol. He really doesn't have a bad relationship with any of them, though, besides still owing Scone a bunch of money. Rome's a lot of fun and he's the kind of guy who will give or share anything with you. He is just A Lot.

7. How were their relationships with their parents/guardians growing up?

He def knew he wasn't the favorite child lol. I think once Knox realized why his kid was acting up, he made sure to spend some extra time with him every once and a while. And once he showed promise in archery, his relationship with Fulki got better too. I think he has an okay relationship with his parents right now but he definitely would never live with them again.

Benji

4. Who was their childhood hero?

Their dad! They're very similar people and he looks up to him a lot.

19. How does the high noon sun make them feel?

Sleepy... It's too darn hot. He's 100% not interested in going out at high noon so he's either taking a nap or hanging out somewhere shady with Folsom.

Saoirse

20. What did they dream of "growing up" to be?

I don't know if Saoirse had one specific dream. What she did know is that she didn't want to get married and she didn't want to have kids. I think she went through a bunch of phases on what she wanted to be when she grew up until she landed on being a wizard. When that stuck, she just leaned hard into it.

25. What is their comfort item/habit?

She's definitely one of those "make a hot beverage when I'm stressed" kind of people. She's also a stress baker... Which used to be a "make potions and light stuff on fire" habit but she realized she gets muffins if she bakes instead.

She also has a bunch of stuffed animals in her room, purely because she's an adult wizard and no one can tell her not to have stuffies.

27. Have they achieved any of their childhood dreams? Are they still trying? Have those dreams changed?

Oh, she totally achieved the wizard thing and now she's a real Howl Pendragon figure. She got bored being by herself so she applied to get some apprentices, but due to a clerical error, she wound up with a couple of brothers (Max and Arseny) who were way too young to be apprentices. She's basically raising them as her kids (they call her mama and the Townes all consider them grandkids/nephews lol) but Saoirse insists they're still her apprentices in public.

Fionn

6. Did they grow up with siblings? What were those relationships like?

Fionn was the golden oldest brother! He and Saoirse were basically 3rd/4th parents so the rest of the siblings came to love/respect him. He was really good at keeping the peace. Dude would have made a fantastic diplomat. The siblings especially liked when he told them stories about life before their family left the Muirs or stories about knights/heroes. It was a rough day when he disappeared and the siblings that remember him really miss him.

7. How were their relationships with their parents/guardians growing up?

Very strained. Like, he was def the favorite child, but Fionn really had some childhood trauma from The Fall that they couldn't help him with bc they also had it. He sort of resents that he got put into the auxiliary parent role on top of it. I think ultimately they expected way too much out of him so it was only natural he'd disappear and be feral.

10. When did their childhood end?

I don't think it was a definite ending, more of a gradual thing around his early teens when he realized he had a lot of responsibilities.

Scone

21. How did they become an adventurer?

Scone's best friend Latte (a Yuke who's good with magic) sent her a letter that suggested they'd make a good caravanning team. She was itching to leave the family caravan (she was tired of bailing her siblings out and knew that adventuring was good money) so she agreed!

23. What is their role in the party? Not just their class on a meta level, but among the individuals who make up the party?

Imagine a buff accountant and you have Scone lol.

Like Tinsel, Scone is the tank in combat. However, unlike Tinsel, Scone is weirdly responsible. She makes sure all the supplies are stocked and in order, makes sure everyone takes care of themselves and she keeps track of their earnings. She can be outgoing but she prefers to let her team do the social leg work.

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #8

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

I’m using this as a fun writing experiment for a) writing short things and b) writing things from a multitude of varying perspectives.   Have fun! :)

This one’s a little longer since it was part of my original attempt at this project - they won’t usually be this length. 

[Ao3]

***

Finn Hudson (Furt) 

It’s Friday night, after the football game.  It hadn’t gone well.  Coach Beiste had spent a good twenty minutes lecturing them on teamwork and all that crap.  They had known.  It’s not like they hadn’t had a good streak before that night.  He’s tired and hungry and desperately needs a shower.  

He also knows Rachel is waiting for a phone call.  Not that she hadn’t been at the game - she had - but Rachel demands more energy from him than the rest of his life put together.  He’s not sure he has the energy tonight, but Rachel’s texts keep flying in.  

Rachel : Make sure when you get home you talk to Kurt!! Rachel : I’m Worried that he didn’t come to the game today. Rachel : It’s probably because of Karofsky and those other jerks.  Rachel : They’re being awful, Finn.  You need to step in.  Rachel : Finn, have you talked to Kurt yet???  Rachel : Have you??? Rachel : Are you ignoring me again?? 

He leaves his football equipment by the foot of the stairs, and throws his phone on the end table.  Rachel’s texts still light up the screen, and she’ll probably be pissed that he isn’t responding, but he isn’t entirely sure what she wants him to do.  Kurt’s fine - or at least he’s seemed fine since he’s been to Dalton.  Besides, he’s too tired to think about other people’s problems.  All he wants to do is grab a Mountain Dew and crash.  

Kurt is at the table when Finn walks into the kitchen - the table full of designs, notes, and planners for their parents’ wedding.  Finn’s not surprised, Kurt has taken his job as wedding planner pretty seriously.  There are details Finn’s never even heard of that Kurt seems to have covered.  Kurt had once tried to explain the Fung Schway or whatever to him, but it all sounds like a bunch of nonsense in his head.  

Kurt, however, isn’t alone.  His new friend from Dalton - Blaine - is with him, chatting with Kurt about the designs.  It’s almost like listening to a foriegn language.  Honestly, Finn’s gotten used to seeing Blaine around.  He’s been over at least twice a week since Kurt met him. (And always wearing that blazer.  Doesn’t he ever get sick -- or too hot -- wearing that thing?)  Finn doesn’t know what Blaine’s home life is like, or if he’s just interested in Kurt (are they dating? Finn can’t keep it all straight) but Blaine stays until Burt literally has to kick him out - Kurt complaining about it the whole time.  

Sometimes Finn wishes Rachel would stay that late, but Rachel has her beauty routine she has to do before bed, and therefore is always out the door promptly at 9:45pm, even if they’re in the middle of making out.  

“Finn! How was the game?” Kurt asks, not bothering to look up.  Finn doubts Kurt cares about the football game - he rarely ever asks.  

“Azimio fumbled. They scored a touchdown and we never really got the lead back,” Finn says with a grumble as he opens the fridge. “Beiste bitched us out forever after the game.” Oohh, Burt had left the makings of a sandwich. A sandwich sounds good, too. He pulls out the plate along with a bottle of Mountain Dew that is stashed in the back.

“Azimio is a clueless Neanderthal, who probably has his lackeys tying his shoes for him because he doesn’t know how to do it himself,” Kurt snarks.

Finn holds back a groan. He doesn’t want to get into it tonight with Kurt.

“Well, from what Kurt’s told me, it sounds like the guy would be better used as a tackle and not a wide receiver,” Blaine says, unexpectedly.

“You know something about football?” Finn asks.

“Yeah, footballs great!” Blaine says, with a higher level of enthusiasm than Finn thought would have from someone who went to a prep school. “Actually, I’m excited for next weekend because my dad and I are going to an Ohio State game. We don’t do much together, but we do that every year.”

“That’s totally cool man.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun.”

“Oh, so I guess that means you’re not coming to the wedding then, huh?” Finn asks. “I would have figured Kurt would have nagged you to be his date by now.”

“Finn!” Kurt snaps, not able to hide the coloring in his cheeks.  

So, Blaine isn’t his boyfriend? Finn’s so confused.  

“Um, no,” Blaine shakes his head politely, avoiding eye contact. “I mean, yes, Kurt asked, and it’s a nice gesture, but I wouldn’t want to impose on a family thing even if I could come.”

“I told you, it’s not an imposition.,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes as he begins to draw on one of the blank pads in front of him.

“So what kind of seats did you get?” Finn asks as he puts the finishing touches on the sandwich.

“They’re box,” Blaine shrugs off as if it weren’t a big deal.

“No way, man!

“Well, my dad’s boss lets him have a season ticket every now and then.”

“I’m totally jealous,” Finn says. “Did you hear they’re bringing Meyer in as starting quarterback?”

Blaine is quick to reply. “Which is ridiculous, I know. Johnson has the better arm.”

“Yeah, but Meyer has better aim and…”

Kurt’s gone quiet, which always makes Finn a little uneasy.  He’s stopped drawing on his pad to watch Finn and Blaine’s conversation carefully, a troubled look on his face.  Finn isn’t the most observant person in the world, but he recognizes that look.  It’s the same look Kurt used to give when Finn and Burt would talk about normal guy things together.  Rachel’s voice echoes in his head -- reminding him of how left out Kurt usually feels, and how he should make an effort to make him feel included.  

“So, what are you guys working on?” Finn asks as he pulls his chair up to the table, and sets his plate down, being careful enough not to set it on any of Kurt’s plans.

“Oh, Kurt’s a genius,” Blaine insists.  A proud smile grows along Kurt’s lips. “He’s found a way to work in faux ostrich feathers into the centerpieces. Just take a look at these designs, they’re amazing.”

“Cool.” Finn says, trying to sound sincere.  

If you had asked him for an honest answer, Finn wouldn’t have known the difference between what is sketched on the pad and anything else.  But before he could even comment again, Kurt is off, talking a mile a minute as he excitedly gives details about the wedding.  Finn nods along, trying to keep up.  He takes a quick glance at Blaine, thinking that maybe Blaine would be as lost as he is, but Blaine’s busy staring at Kurt, watching him fondly and smiling as if he had stumbled upon something amazing.  

How is he not Kurt’s boyfriend again?  

Finn takes his sandwich and his soda and quickly slips out of the kitchen as Kurt and Blaine enter their own little world again.  Finn might not be in tune with Kurt’s world but Blaine clearly is, and while Finn remains somewhat confused, he’s happy about that.  At least he’ll have something positive to report back to Rachel. 

[dimensionwriter]

Hidden In Plain Sight

Hidden In Plain Sight

Male Tiefling x Reader

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"I love you with my entire body and soul. My heart ignites with fire upon simply gazing at you. You are my one and only mate," this random creature pleaded on the white marble floor.

You let out a sigh as you looked over at the assistant, Kang Lu. She was a human woman who worked for your family's company. She had short brown hair with dull brown eyes. A black pants suit was the only thing she wore with a clipboard glued to her hand.

She nodded her head in understandment before snapping her fingers once. The creature's eyes narrowed in anger as he went to jump for you.

A bunch of hands wrapped around him as the security team started dragging him out. He begin yelling how you were making a mistake. How you were nothing but a spoil brat. Blah blah blah.

"I apologize we haven't found them yet," Assistant Kang mumbled while bowing. You waved her away as you sunk in the throne.

This whole mate finding thing is honestly a waste of your time. It's not suppose to be, but for you, it is.

In this world, there exsist a soul string that connects you to your soul mate, so it's easier for you to find them. This is how it has been since the beginning of time.

But one day, your mom and dad had given birth to you. They were quite proud, and in love. Then a witch came alone and fell in love with your dad, even though they weren't soul mates. Your dad obviously rejected them and they didn't respond well. They decided to take out their anger on something and guess who was in his arms at the moment? The dang witch cursed you to not be able to see your soul string, so you could never find your soul mate.

As the years went by, your family grew into a powerful business. It was an rule between you and your family to let no one know about you not being able to see your soul string. Things where going fine until a nurse decided to gossip with her coworkers about her patient that couldn't see her soul string. That spreaded like wildfire and within a week everyone knew of the billionaire's only daughter that couldn't see a soul string.

A wave of people, claiming to be your soul mate, started appearing at your home or at any place you went. Your parents became stressed by this situation and wanted to ward off all these harrassers, but they were worried about pushing away your real soul mate.

You then propose this system that allowed your soul mate claimers to make an appointment and you could see if you felt anything for them. It's been three years of this and nothing has happen. The only reason you continue this is to try to relieve the stress from your parents and give them hope. But you gave up finding your soul mate when you where a child.

"You're not hurt are you," Assistant Kang asked touching your shoulder. You shook her off and stood up. That chair was so uncomfortable. Sitting in it for 6 hours every day brings in some bad back pain.

"I'm going out," you announced grabbing a hoodie. This was your hoodie that you used when going out. The hood was huge and the material was extremely cheap, making it a lot easier to blend in.

"Please notify me when you arrive," she said and you just waved you hand.

After going through the underground system of your business, you appeared to the manhole in an alley way. You pushed it open and jumped out. Gently placing it back, you looked around to make sure no one saw.

"You really are garbage," someone song out causing you to jump. You looked up to see a mess of long red hair dangling above you.

The person jumped from above you and landed infront of you.

It was a blue tiefling with black horns that curled more upwards than backwards. He had long red hair that was pulled back in a high pony tail. His clothing was a pair of ripped black jeans with an off the shoulder white sweater. You looked down to see that his legs turned into high arched hooved.

"You got your hooves polished," you yelled glaring at him while pointing an accusing finger at him. His pure golden eyes shrunk as a big smile came onto his face. His fangs glisten as his high pointed ears started twitching with excitement.

"You promised you were going to take me with you next time," you yelled gently punching his shoulder. He let out high pitch laughter as he wrapped his arns around you pulling you close.

"I'm sorry," he said trying to calm his laughter as he placed his chin on your head. "They were beginning to look disgusting and you didn't appear for a long time. However, I do need my horns to be buffed, sooooo."

You looked up with excitement in you eyes. "Cosmo, you're the best." He let out a laugh while letting you go.

Cosmo was your best friend in the entire world. You guys met when you snuck out after a really bad meeting and you wanted out. So you took the underground system under the business and appeared in this random part of town you never seen. This blue tiefling, calling himself Cosmo, saw you crawling out of the manhole and kept bothering you the entire day. You don't remember when his annoying and mischievous ways slowly turn familiar and welcoming.

"Do you think they can paint my nails again?" You asked walking alongside him as you two exited the alley. He nodded his head as he folded his arms behind his head.

You loved this neighbourhood; it was mostly tiefling with a few random monsters. No one knew who you were and for that, they didn't try to suck up to you or make themselves seem perfect. Especially the tiefling salon that Cosmo has to go to to take care of himself.

They are so friendly and treat you as if you are their own. When they painted your nails, they just chatted with you about the most randomest thing. At home, it's done by a professional that's quiet and worry more about your nails then you.

"You gonna get blue again?" He asked raising his red eyebrow. You rolled your eyes at his obvious teasing. You paint them blue one time and he kept bugging you claiming that you were trying to flatter him.

"Maybe do red and I can get my talons painted your hair colour. That way people know we are the best of friends." He wrapped his arms around your shoulder pulling you into him.

You looked up at him to see his golden eyes starring down at you with this giant smile on his lips. He felt so warm. It felt…nice.

Your body stiffen at that thought. You shrugged out of his arms and took bigger strides. "Hurry up. I don't feel like waiting."

You need to stop these thoughts before they become worse. It was looked down upon to deal with anyone that wasn't your soul mate, romantically. He probably already found his soul mate or is still looking for them.

And it would only complicate things more for you. The public expected you to match with someone that was high in status. A tiefling barely had any power in this hierarchy.

"Fine, my princess. Let's go," he said walking past you easily. You jerked at the new nickname. Why did have to add the my infront of it?

You entered into the small salon, instantly being hit with a wall of chatter. A conversation was brewing that seem to somehow include everyone.

"Cosmo, you're late," a black tielfing, with white horns that were similar to a ram's, yelled over the loud noise. She had silver hair that was cut just below her chin. "Oh and you brought the human with you. Gonna let us do your nails, darling?"

You gave her a smile with a quick nod. Walking past you, Cosmo ruffled his hands through your hair before going to the woman yelling at him earlier. He draped his arms around her slim shoulders and gave a lazy smile to her.

"I wouldn't say I'm late. More like, I sync up with a different part of the world and arrived at that time. So in a way, I'm on time," he said causing you to roll your eyes. Only he would be dumb enough to think of something like that.

"Sit your butt down before I cut a hole in your horns," she yelled grabbing his horns and putting it into the chair. He let out a laugh as he adjusted himself in a seat.

"I've been wanting to get a piercing up there. What do you think, princess?" He purred out slowly seating himself in the chair. You froze at the nickname again. At least he didn't add my infront of it.

"You're not getting a piercing. That dumb trend is gonna turn bad. Just you wait, someone going to be crying on the news on how their horn fell off. You can't find your soul mate looking like that." You looked at Cosmo to see he was already staring at you.

"I feel like she wouldn't be surprise by it," he said staring deep into your eyes with those shining golden eyes. A small smirk came to his face causing his face to look more mischievous.

"I honestly would feel pity for your mate," you retorted turning towards the nail section in the corner. You walked over to see a tiny tiefling with pink skin and black hair with a bun. They perked up seeing you sit down infront of them.

"Oh, you're back," they chirped happily pulling out all sort of equipment. "I've been creating this perfect design that I'll think you would love."

Their tail was swinging frantically behind them. You let out a smile as you handed them your nails.

"Close your eyes. It's gonna be a surprise," they said clapping their hands happily. They started pulling out multiple colours and paint brushes. "Go on. Close your eyes."

You let out a small laugh, but did as they said. They never done your nails without you telling them what you want. They must be really excited.

After who knows how long, you may have fallen asleep in the middle of it, they finally spoke. "Okay done. Open your eyes and tell me what you think."

Slowly opening your eyes, you gaze instantly went to your nails Your mouth dropped as no sound came out of you.

The base colour was a gradient from light blue to dark blue. Red trees created a domain on your nails with golden stars on the tip of your nails.

To summarize, it looked just like an abstract version of Cosmo. It even had his skin tone down to a T.

"Isn't it cute. I think your mate will love it," they said sending a swift wink with their red eyes. Your eye started twitching at that word. Why does everything in your life seem to revolve around a mate?

"Cosmo isn't mines," you grumbled lowly feeling a headache form. You could just feel Cosmo nagging about to happen.

"What? I assumed. But he's never been close to anyone like he is with you. I sincerely apologize, I can redo them," they said frantically as blush slowly ran up their neck. They reached for you hand, but you pulled it back.

"Cosmo never been close to someone? But he's so… social," you whispered leaning forward. You know Cosmo, but you never heard of how he was before the two of you met.

"Honey, no. He's friendly and would sometime say hi to a person he passes on the street. But he was always alone. Well, that is until you just popped up," they whispered back, putting a hand beside their lips, as if it would put a curtain between you two. "Then he was seen tagging alone with you and was a lot more energetic. But when you aren't here, he goes back to normal. So, can you see why I thought you were his mate?"

Without realizing, your hesrt seem to swell with an unseen hope. He was you best friend, so maybe, just maybe…

You shook you head to get rid of that hope. It wouldn't be that simple. He's probably got a mate just waiting for him.

"I can change your nails if you want," they asked giving your a sad smile. Why do they look like they pity you? You are completely not afrected by this at all. Not in the slightest.

You glanced at the window to see the sun setting. Assistant Kang is probably getting worried about you and your family most likely want to eat soon.

"It's fine. It still looks beautiful," you said giving them a gentle smile. Their face lit up with pride as they flashed you their fangs. Wipping around excitedly, their tail flickered around before forming a tiny heart.

How are they able to do that with their tails? Tiefling seem to be use to using their tail to express themselves. Now that you think about it, you haven't ever seen Cosmo's tail. Did he have a tail?

"So, how did your nails come out?" Cosmo voice asked behind you before his head dropped onto your shoulder. With him distracted by placing his chin on your shoulder, you balled your fingers and tucked them close to your body.

"They came out good. Now let's go," you sputtered out, jumping quickly out of the chair. You swiftly walked out of the door taking giant strides Why does he have to be so touchy today?

"Princess, wait up," he yelled behind you. You could hear his hooves hitting the concrete as he neared. His arms wrapped around your shoulder pulling you closer. "You okay?"

You looked up to see his face close to yours. His eyebrows was drawn down in concern. His usual smile was turned into a deep frown. He was genuinely worried about you.

"Where's your tail?" You spat out without thinking. Was that the best you could do in changing the conversation? But you can't tell him what's going on.

How do you causally tell your best friend that you can't see your soul string and that you gave up on ever finding a soul mate, but you keep having these thoughts about him with hope that he may be your soul mate, but you know that won't happen, so you're emotions are all over the place?

"Um, I have a tail," he said letting go of you and taking a step back. You turn around to see his blue skin turning pink as he avoid eye contact. "I just keep it hidden."

You cocked your head to the side in confusion. "You know it's fine if it doesn't look like other tails. It's yours, so it gonna be unique."

His cheeks deepen to a red as he shifted from hoof to hoof. His hair, which was now in a braid, was swinging behind him. His horns were shining causing them to reflect the setting sun. He look so cute.

"It's not that. It just that our tails show our emotions really well and we can't control it. Which can be really embarrassing sometimes," he mumbled at the end. With the end of his talons, he began to twirl a loose string on his sweater.

"Oh, if you're uncomfortable with it, I'm sorry for bringing it up," you said holding your hands up in apology.

"No!" He yelled shaking his head intensely. "It's not anything you need to apolgize for. I just... I think I would look too hot if you saw my tail and would immediately fall in love with me." He looked away with a sullen look on his face.

You punched him in the arm causing him to start laughing. You were actually worried for him.

"I'm sorry, Princess. Do you still want to see it, even though I warned you?" He asked wiggling his eyebrow as he lean close to you. You pushed his face away starting to laugh yourself.

"Where do you even hide it? Tiefling tails are at least 3 feet," you asked walking around him looking for any sign of where it may be.

"Easy," he said before grabbing the edge of his shirt. He lifted it up and your eyes went down to his stomach. You were ready to see anything, but a dark blue tail wrapped two times round his waist.

It slowly unwrapped itself before lazily floating behind him. It was a lot longer that any tails you seen and was quite beautiful. The tip of it was similar to an arrow head with a golden shimmer at the edges.

"Woah," you mumbled reaching out to touch it. You stopped just a hair short away from it. You went to look up at Cosmo for permission when the tail launched at you like a snake. It wrapped itself around your arm, pulling you closer.

"Crap, sorry," Cosmo yelled grabbing the back of his tail and pulling it. But the tail had a tight grip on your arm, resulting in you face planting into Cosmo's chest. The tail decided to change location and released your arm, only to wrap around your waist in the next moment. You tried to take a step back, but couldnt.

You looked up to see Cosmo's face was turning pink in embarrassment. His eyes locked in with you and you could tell that he wad more embarrassed about this situation than you.

"So, you want to explain what emotion this?" You asked tugging at the tail that had a death grip on you. It didn't hurt, but you were not moving an inch.

"It's ahh..." His face started to turn red as he looked around for the edge of the tail. You stared at him as he frantically started to look around and seem to be panicking more with each second.

You grabbed his face causing his eyes to land on you. You could feel the heat rushing through his cheeks under your finger tips. You pinkie was barely touching his neck, but you could feel his racing pulse .

"This isn't how I wanted to tell you," he grumbled looking down. You dropped your hands to rest on his chest as you waited for an answer. "I guess it's best to rip it off like a bandaid. I'm your mate."

You froze up as everything went numb and oversentive at the same time. That phrase. That damb phrase.

"No you're not," you mumbled looking away from him. He's lying. They're always lying. "When did you find out who I was? When did you plan this?"

You looked up with a harsh glare only to see his golden eyes filled with tears. Your anger facade started to chip away as you stared at his broken face.

"I knew I shouldn't told you. I knew you would think I was lying," he muttered on the edge of panic as he started yanking at his tail. "I mean, why would you believe me when you have millions of people each day that are way better than me saying the same thing."

Tears started flowing down his cheeks as he started yanking harder on the tail. "Let go. Damb it, let go. Please just-." He didn't finish the statement as he dropped his head onto your shoulder as he started crying.

His tears soaked into your hood as you stood there frozen. This has never happen before. Usually when they confess there may be one tear or two, but not this level. And you never felt your heart break into a million pieces like this.

This was your best friend in the world crying on you shoulder. The creature that never judged you or ever overstep boundaries. The only person that brought some form of happiness into your life. And you caused them to cry.

"I could have just kept pretending," he stuttered out shaking. "I could act like I wasn't affected and everything would still be okay."

"Who said it wouldn't?" You said wrapping a pair of arms around him. He stiffen in your arms before relaxing. "Cosmo, look at me."

He let out a few sniffles before lifting his head. His hand instantly went up to wipe at his face, trying to careful of his talons.

Sometimes, you gotta take a risk. Everyday, you sit in a room with strange people and take a risk of them not killing you. You climb in an underground system to come through a manhole into a random place. Maybe you need to let go of those personal feeling and fear and take a risk.

"I'm sorry. I'm a hot mess," he said forcing a laugh as he continued to wipe at his face with his sweater. His tail grip on you had loosen when he started crying, but you didn't move.

"Yes, yes you are," you joked squishing his cheeks with your hands. His face felt hot and wet, but that didn't matter.

He let out a laugh as you dropped your hands. "I guess you may have some questions for me," he mumbled looking down. He looked down at your waist to see that his tail was barely hanging onto you. The tail moved and wrapped around his waist again.

"Just a few," you said putting your thumb and index close to eachother. He let out a small high pitch giggle before looking behind him.

There was a small bench sitting close to the road that looked close to breaking down, but it appeared more comfortable than that throne you have to seat in everyday.

"W-would you like to sit?" He asked running his talons against the edge of his sweater. You gave him a gentle smile before nodding.

He bowed dow with a hand over his head before splaying his hand out. "Princess, first," he joked with his voice still shaking a little. He was still trying to be himself.

"Get up, you dummy," you said laughing while pushing his shoulder. He stumbled forward but caught his footing. He let out a small laugh before walking beside you to the bench.

It looked a lot more worn down up close than it did far away. But without any hesitation, you gently placed yourself on the left side of the bench. It creaked underneath your weight, but it stayed put.

Cosmo walked quietly over to the right side and sat down. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around him. He look like he's uncomfortable.

"So, how did you know who I am? I accused you earlier, but you comfirmed with that statement of people confessing to me," you asked putting your elbow on the arm rest before placing your chin on you open palm.

"Well, you know that manhole doesn't just open for you," he joked giving you a small smile. He looked forward causing the street light to reflect on his golden his eyes. The sun had finally set, but you weren't in a hurry to get home.

"I got curious after seeing you appear on the second day, so I went into the man hole. After a while, I jumped out of a random manhole I saw, and I realized I was in a human community. And-umm- I saw a magazine with your face on it. So I may or may not have read the entire thing and then went through every magazine or newspaper with your face on it." He buried his head into his folded form, but you could still see the bright pink crawling up his skin. So he knew who you were since the beginning.

"Is that when you decided I was your mate?" You hissed not really thinking about it. But when Cosmo flinched away from you, you freed yourself from that thinkingm "I'm sorry. I'm so used to people faking the whole mate thing. But- but I trust you."

He rotated his head towards you with his eyes widen. He open his mouth to say something, but it just turned into a giant smile. He looked back forward with his face hidden under his arms.

"Well, as a child, I figured something was wrong with my soul string when it just faded away. I can see it attached to my ring finger, but it went on for a foot before dissappearing. I thought that meant I didn't have a soul mate," he stated sadly with his eyes hooded from an unseen memory. He brought his head up to rest ontop of his knees.

You never thought of how you loosing your soul string would affect the other person. You just believe they didnt exsist. Not that they may be going through the things similar to you.

"And I gave up on having a soul mate and it resulted in me distancing myself a little. My soul string never tugged or twisted, it never moved. Until you showed up." His eyes glanced over to you and his eyes were sparkling. Is it okay to say that he look adorable right now?

"Oh," you whispered not knowing what to say. You were honestly speechless.

"It was the first time there was a tug on my string. I followed it with a little hope. And it led me to an alley way and soon as I got there, this human decided to pop out of the manhole." He started laughing trying to cover it under his arm.

You guess it would be weird to see a human pop out of a manhole. Especially when she yells at you to leave her alone, only to get lost a minute later. You're happy he decided to follow you that day.

"That's how I was able to tell when you were coming over. The string would start pulling and I tried to put it off as a coincidence. But one day I noticed as I was moving around you, annoying as usual, that the soul string moved in the direction of you. That's when I had to accept it, you were my-ummm." He drifted off as he shrunk down. He was scared of using the word. You have been acting harshly to it.

"Mate," you finished the word feeling odd in your mouth. That's the first time you've said that word in a long time.

"Ah, well. Yeah," he grumbled turning pink as he picked at the lint on the wrist of his sweater. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" You asked confused tilting her head. He let out a sigh before jumping off the bench. His hooves landed in the grass quietly as he started pacing.

"I know you're not too keen on the whole soul mate thing. When I found out about you, I knew you may have some promblems with the soul mate issue, but I just said it would be your soul mate promblem. But the it turn out to be me and I want to help you, but I don't know how. And it feel like I'm forcing it onto you and I don't want that," he rambled running his talons through his hair, ruining his braids. His cheeks were turning red due to frustration as he continued to pace in the grass.

"I mean, I'm a monster for christ sake. You are a powerful human, just imagine the backlash from the public when they find out I'm nothing more than a lowlife monster in a crappy monster only city." You jumped off the bench causing Cosmo to stop his pacing at look at you.

"Take it back," you growled glaring at him. His hand dropped from his head as he looked at you with confusion. "Take back that statement."

His red eyebrows dropped as he looked at you with those golden eyes that seem to be so dull. He doesn't feel anything for himself. He's more worried about you that he hasn't said a thing about how he felt.

"If you talk so low about my best friend and mate again," you growled pushing your finger into his chest causing him to back up. His back landed against the tree as he looked down at you with now confused panic.

"Cosmo, you are the best person I know. I don't care about what some gossiping humans say or think. I know you are kind, cheerful, and are always finding ways to make me smile for hours. And don't even think for a moment that you're some low life monster. You are not a monster, you are Cosmo. Don't define yourself to a hateful title," you said laying your hand against his chest. You could feel his heart hammering against his rib cage, the same as yours.

"I-I- um," he mumbled shrinking a little as the frustrsted red turned to an embarrassed pink. He lifted his hand to cover his face as he continued to stutter. "Thanks."

"Why thank me for telling the truth? You think I care about public opinions. They don't know you nor do they care about you, they just want a name to throw around to get money," you grumbled angrily staring at the dark bark of the tree. You knew all too well what the public could do.

"But even with that out of the way. I don't know how to go about," he broads between the two of you "this. I feel like I forced you into something."

You let out a sigh as you brought your hand back up and placed it on your chest. Your heart was still ramming against your chest. Now that the anger has passed, it seem to be turning into panic. But you won't let it control you this time.

"I don't want us to jump into anything yet. I just want to start off slow. Maybe some dates or um," you stoppped as blush was slowly coming up your face as you zoned in on Cosmo's face. His eyes was focusing solely on you as he seem to be absorbing every word you say.

"I wasn't plan on jumping into anything. I think I still need to get use to the mate thing too. I'm use to the word, but none of the stuff that comes with it," he admitted shyly giving you a goofy smile. Your heart skipped a beat seeing him do that.

"Ah, yeah me too." Why did you say that? And why was it so bland? Are you really flustered right now? You are trying to have a deep conversation with Cosmo. You need your brain to thinking at full capacity. It needs to making a plan, not thinking of how hot Cosmo looks with messy hair and lightly blushed cheeks. Or how his sweater is being pulled down his shoulder by his twirling pitch black talons. They seem pretty sharp, but Cosmo seemed to know how to use them with hurting anything. You wondered how those would feel-

"Princess," he yelled causing your head to snap up. The blush entensified on your neck slowly making it's way up. "I was in the middle of asking you on a date."

His lips parted in a smile revealing those sharp fangs. That devious look is back. It makes you feel like he knows something you don't

"I was asking if the next time you decided to pop out of a manhole, if you wanted to go to this diner a mile away. They have some good food and I'm friends with the workers, so we can get bigger portions," he explain dropping into a lazy smile. A small one slide onto you lips as you thought about it.

"Let me think about it," you joked lifting a finger to boop his nose. His golden eyes crossed as he looked down at your finger. His eyes widen and you could see the light filling his eyes.

"Princess, I love what you did with your nails," he said in a taunting tone. You blinked once before realization hit you. You pulled your arms back while balling your fingers up. You completely forgot about your nails. That tiefling was actually right in assuming Cosmo was your mate. But they didn't count in that this is Cosmo, a devious tiefling.

"Let me see them," he sung out happily reaching behind you. You stumbled back trying to get away fron his prying hands. "Princesss, please."

You shook your head while still keeping your hand behind your back. Cosmo's pointed ears wiggle giving you a short warning of his next attack. He jumped for your arms and you took a giant step back.

Only, your legs didn't meet air, instead it was this hard wood. You fell backwards causing your arms to rush out to catch yourself

Cosmo was infront of you in a blink of an eye. His left arm wrapped around you as his right arm went behind you to catch himself on the back of the bench.

"I didn't plan that. I swear," he yelled instantly. His cheeks turned a lovely shade of dark pink. With his arm still around your waist, you put a hand on his face. You were instantly met with a nice warmth.

"I know. If you were to plan something, it would be a lot more…extravagant or more complicated. This feels a little cliche," you explain lightly poking his cheeks with your finger. You pushed your finger into his cheek and his pointed tongue slide out.

You let out a laugh at his silliness. You fell back onto the bench into the seat. Cosmo released his grip on your waist, but kept it there gently.

"I love that sound," he mumbled leaning down to look you in the eye. His half lidded eyes seem to be absolutely shimmering, even in the darkness.

The laughter slowly turned into giggles until you let out a content sigh as you leaned your head against Cosmo's arms still holding the back on the bench. Gently, Cosmo placed his head into the crook of your neck.

"So, would you like to go on a date, my princess," he whispered into your ear. His hands slowed to yours and he entwine your fingers. He lifted them and lazy placed a kiss on them.

"I may or may not be free when I come over," you said squeezing his fingers. His black talons were pressing against your skin, but they didn't hurt. If anything, it felt quite nice.

"Well, guess I'll have to wait to see." You felt his lips spread into a smile. "You need to get home. It's way past late and I'm sure everyone's worried."

Glancing around the area, you could see everything was pitch black. You don't even want to know what time it is. Assistant Kang is probably having a heart attack at the moment.

"I know," you mumbled leaning more into Cosmo. He felt so comfortable. Everything about him is comfortable. He knew who you was and still stayed the same around you. He never judge you.

As soon as you get back, it's just going to be you dealing with fake people trying to use you. You loved some people at home, but sometimes the negative out weigh the good.

"Hey." You felt his hand slip out of yours and run carefully across your cheek. You looked up to see he had moved his face right infront of you. His golden eyes were reflecting concern. "Whatever you are worrying about, it won't last forever. Promblems are only temporary. Look towards the future where they have no exsistence in your life."

"Woah, Cosmo's getting serious," you joked poking his cheek again. He has the sofest cheek ever.

"No, I was just worried," he yelled dropping his hand from you cheek. He tugged his arm back signalling you to get off. "We need to get you home. Back to your castle."

Opening his palm to you, he waited for you to grab his hand. You took the offer and grabbed his hand. He used a little of his strrength to pull you off the rickety bench.

You tighten your grip on his hand, not allowing him to let go. A squeak came from him causing you to look at him. His face instantly turned away from yours, but you could a light pink crawling up his neck.

The two of you walked in content silence as you just let your mind catch up. You found your mate, who just so happen to be your tiefling best friend. He's understanding that you want to take thing slow. And you have a date with him next time.

"And your castle, my princess," he joked using his free hand to splay infront of the man hole. You let out a laugh as you pushed him away.

His talons wrapped around the holes and pulled the man hole cover off. You could see the light fixtures lighting up the secret undeground system. This is going to be a long walk.

"Well, guess I should be returning, my prince," you teased poking his toned arm. You glanced up ready to start your goodbye, but you voice got caught in your throat.

He was staring down at you with the widest smile as the light pink blush darken. His braid was thrown over his shoulder with that soft white sweater. His hand lightly squeeze yours before yanking you closer.

You stumbled into his chest where he wrapped his arms around you. With a content sigh, he placed his head ontop of yours.

"I always hated it when you said goodbye," he muttered into your head as his talons gently rubbed your back.

"I always hate saying it," you responded breathing in his scent. He smelled like warm cinnamon with hints of apples.

"So, how about we don't say it? Because I plan on seeing you soon," he joked causing you to smile. "I'm serious. If you don't see me soon and I feel like something is wrong, I'm coming to see you."

You were tempted to ask how, when you realized that the manhole wasn't one way. Cosmo would actually be idiotic enough to try to find you. Even if he doesn't know which exit is to you.

"Let me stop prolonging the inevitable. Return to your castle. And like Romeo, I'll wait here for you." He unwrapped his arms from around your waist and took a step back.

"Until I return, why don't you plan that date that I may or may not be coming to?" you said sending him a wink. A devious smile came onto his face revealing those sparkling fangs.

With a final wave, you dropped down into the man hole. But this time, you weren't sad. You were filled the highest form of happiness that money can't buy. You were filled with love.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A monster that's not a naga. So, this thing was over 6,500 words and it's the reason why I haven't uploaded in a while. I wanted to finish this and I did. So, comment about anything: your day, favorite part of this story, a question you would have for any of my characters, etc. I love reading the comments. This story was actually recommended in one of my comments, where they asked me to write a story with a tiefling. I apologize if I got the design wrong or left out some tiefling tradition. I'm atill trying to stretch out into other monsters. Thank you for reading so much.

[anonsally]

Days 79-82 of COVID-19 shelter-in-place

These have been four very intense days both globally and personally. This admittedly long post will focus more (but not exclusively) on the personal side of that.

Day 79 was Wednesday. I hadn’t had enough sleep, but I got up at a reasonable hour because I needed a ballet class. Before class started, I got a call from the medical center for scheduling a procedure I need to have done. That will be in 2 weeks, contingent on me testing negative for COVID-19 four days beforehand. I’m anxious about the procedure but will be glad to get it over with after several months of worry. Anyway, ballet class was good for calming me down. 

It was hot out. I did my parents’ grocery shopping (and bought a few things for us) and then had a nice conversation with my dad when I dropped off his groceries. We talked about the state of the world. He told me about a city that had literally fired its entire police department and started over... which is what we probably need on a national level, with very few exceptions. 

I refueled the car on the way home and got a predictably late start on my work day. Wife got two more job interviews scheduled at very different companies. I took a walk, spotting another Steller’s jay at the bird feeders. The jays are so much larger than the little birds who frequent the feeders!

I then went to try to buy milk, but the tiny independent market had closed early to enable the employees to get home before curfew. So I had to go to Trader Joe’s instead. By the time I got home I was somewhat demotivated about food prep, but luckily Wife pulled herself together and scrambled me an egg. I didn’t manage to get to bed till 1am, which was at least an hour later than I’d intended, but Wife was still up at 4am!

Day 80. I forced myself to get up at 8:30 since I knew I would need to go to bed early that night. I arranged to (video-)meet with my boss at 12:30. I started work around 11am or so and got a few thing done. The meeting with my boss was good--partly social, discussing how we were coping with the situation and working from home, what we missed about the office, and such, but we also talked about what I’ve been working on. She reminded me that the study section reviewing my grant application will be meeting this month, so I will have to remember to check my scores.

Afterwards we had a meeting with a few other coworkers, which was fairly productive. I had a short “coffee break” video call with a colleague, too. The county-wide curfew was lifted a day early.

After work, I took a walk in a direction I hadn’t gone in a while. Was heartened to see Black Lives Matter signs even in cul-de-sacs in a wealthy, mainly white neighborhood. I picked up takeout for dinner, and did a bunch of Adulting in the early evening, including preparing for the next morning. I was in bed by 10:45pm.

Day 81. My alarm got me up at 5am, and we left at 6am. We got to the medical center on time at 7am and I went in (Wife was not allowed to accompany me, but had to be there to drive me home; there was a separate room across the street for visitors to wait in, which was good because it was suddenly very cold outside). Initially, there was a lot of waiting, during which I did a little bit of yoga and dancing as I knew I would not be able to move much for the rest of the day. I was there for a diagnostic procedure involving a needle (for data privacy reasons I won’t get more specific here; it’s unrelated to the procedure I’m having in 2 weeks), which required me to remain horizontal for 4 hours afterwards, at least according to the information they’d given me beforehand. I had to be fasting from midnight the night before: no food or drink, including water.

Eventually I was wheeled down to the ultrasound department, where the doctor who planned to do the procedure met me and the radiologists. However, when they looked at the images, there were a lot of vessels around. The doctor did not feel confident that she could do the procedure based on a mark on my skin without accidentally hitting a blood vessel. So she asked the radiologists to do it as an ultrasound-guided procedure, which would be safer since they would be able to see what they were doing on the ultrasound. This procedure was done with only local anaesthetic. Mostly I couldn’t feel what was going on, and it was supposed to be very quick, but unfortunately, the resident had a lot of trouble--the senior radiologist was trying to guide him through doing, but he couldn’t get the needle positioned quite right, and in the end the senior radiologist had to do it herself. It was pretty uncomfortable and there were some moments where it was quite painful. I tried to breathe deeply and stay relaxed, but it was hard. When they finally got it to work, it was over pretty quickly. I was relieved. It was about 11am by then.

However, I had to spend an hour in a large recovery room with many other patients, while my blood pressure and pulse were monitored. I had expected to have the procedure done upstairs in the room where I’d started, where I had left all my stuff. They very kindly sent someone up to retrieve my phone for me so I could at least text Wife and my parents so they would know the worst of it was over. 

After an hour I was wheeled upstairs and transferred from the gurney to a bed (this took 3 people as I was not allowed to stand up yet) for more monitoring. They drew my blood to test my blood counts; I was going to be allowed to leave after only 2 hours of bed rest if the counts were stable. After the 2 hours, I was allowed to get up and use the bathroom (and grab the crossword puzzles from my backpack to work on), and then I continued resting while waiting first for the blood counts, which finally came back fine, and then for the discharge papers, which took an unreasonably long time. Around 2pm the nurse finally allowed me to have some ice--hoorah! (I was parched. I normally drink at least 2 liters of water per day.) At 2:40pm I was cleared to leave; I texted Wife, who went to get the car and picked me up at the entrance to the hospital at about 3pm. 

Literally every single person on the hospital staff was kind and friendly. They all introduced themselves to me by name, including the people whose job it was to simply wheel me from one place to another, and they all seemed to be invested in my well-being. When I was being wheeled through the hallway, whenever we passed anyone else who worked there they smiled and said hello both to me and to the person in charge of transporting me. It seemed like everyone working really considered themselves a team, with respect for everyone regardless of place in the hospital hierarchy. Since, like all patients during this pandemic, I was there alone and a bit anxious, it made the experience much less unpleasant than it could have been.  

I spent 8 hours in the hospital, so I really hope I didn’t catch COVID-19, but the procedures seemed pretty good. I was wearing a mask almost all the time (except in the room where I was waiting at the beginning and end, which was essentially private), as were all the employees, and everyone was sanitising their hands every time they entered or exited a room or touched any equipment. I also didn’t spend the whole time with any one person. So, hopefully it was safe. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon vedging out at home, rehydrating, and finally eating, and I went to bed earlier than usual though later than I expected, around 12:15am.

Day 82. I wanted to try to get a lot of sleep so my body could heal from yesterday’s ordeal, so today I slept till about 10am. The wound from the procedure is tender to the touch and there’s a small bruise near it, but otherwise I’m not in pain from it. Except my ankle is in more pain than it’s been in for ages, and I have no idea why. Maybe I slept on it funny? Or maybe it’s an aftereffect of the weird position I had to hold during the procedure.

I think my joy at getting to eat cereal this morning was perhaps a bit over-the-top!

Wife had a bad headache today, likely caused by neck tension from all the driving yesterday. I am still pretty tired today, despite all the sleep, but I suppose that’s to be expected.

We went to the farmers’ market and stumbled upon a socially-distanced, family-friendly protest. A friend of mine was there with her kids, but I didn’t see her. We bought our produce--though I had to make an extra trip back to the car to drop off my purchases, as I am not supposed to lift anything heavy today. The stand with the curried fish had run out, but they still had some uncooked prepped fish, so we bought that and they explained how to steam it at home. We came home and cooked the fish and ate it for lunch; it was just as good as it would’ve been if they’d cooked it. Phew! Other than that we’ve been relaxing at home, though Wife did gather her energy and go for a run, which has helped to relieve her headache a little (as has the bath she took afterwards, and the painkillers she took). 

I’m hoping to feel up to taking a dance class (online) tomorrow. 

[kangseluigi]

ANOTHER personal post bc I deleted my facebook since no one reads that shit anyway and I need to let it out somewhere so THERE

I am…deeply damaged, by many things, but especially by my first “real” fandom???

Like, yea, I was hardcore into like Sailor Moon and Pokemon and Britney and shit as a kid, but that doesn’t really count for me. The first real fandom to me, was the first one I really spent my own money on, on merch, concerts etc. The one I was pushed into bc a “friend” tried to use it to exclude me from her talks with her best friend, so I had to learn it all v quickly to keep up with them and not be excluded every. single. time we spent time together. Her friend was cool with me and just focussed on topics we could all talk about or would explain things I didn’t get, but the other one, wow.

And now that I’m saying it, I realise how much deeper it goes than i realised.

I learned all that cryptic shit about the band within days and learned every song, which album it’s on, downloaded a whole bunch of pictures and forced myself to become obsessed within a week or less, just so I could join their talks. Of course that didn’t help me, because she only became annoyed with that and ended up mocking me for being too obsessed and all kinds of shit, or would change the topic to another thing I wasn’t involved in, like their shared trip to Paris, which I would never be able to catch up on.

And nowadays, I sill have a habit of forcing myself to “learn” fandoms in days and after 24-36 hours of obsessing (sometimes with a little pre-game/getting to know phase these days though) I just become so fuckin burned out I cannot enjoy it for at least another full day, sometimes a week or anywhere in between. It sucks.

But the whole situation, having been forced into it only to be ridiculed again, ended up pushing me even deeper into that fandom, because I guess, in the beginning, I thought if I love it enough, it will get me accepted as a real fan, but of course things only got worse. More people thought i had lost it for being that obsessed with the band, having no other topic anymore. On the other hand, the band had all these messages of their fans being their family and connection and whatnot. The kind of bullshit that a teenager with abuse at home and angry/overworked/stressed/… parents with no time for anyone would absolutely run into to feel a little taste of family and comfort.

It completely spiralled out of control. I was existing only for that stupid fucking band. I was existing entirely online and for the times I could go back online to talk in chat groups and message boards and whatever the fuck it was we had back then, to talk to other fans, some of whom actually became my friends, and stalk the shit out of that band. Any and every update had to be documented and I had to know it. Every picture, no matter how intimate. The shit I had found out about the band in the end was unhealthy! Pictures buried so deep in the web, because they were so personal, not even the most deranged fans would dare re-post them, but I ended up saving them just to be safe, just to have something. I honestly disgusted myself at that point, but I couldn’t stop, somehow. And I still find it gross, but I also know I was maybe 17 at the time I went that far out. My dad had just died, I was grieving, I was lonely more than anything, I felt like the only actual family who had still cared about me was gone, I needed something to hold on to and went into all the wrong directions.

But despite all the deeply intimate things I knew by then, there was one big issue I had somehow managed to keep missing, until they released a video for a song that upset me on such a deeply subconscious level, that I didn’t even know why, until it built up enough to cause my first real flashback.

There was a lot of drama about it within the fandom. A few of us who actually were triggered through the video into reliving our most traumatic moment, while everyone else still praised the shit out of them and told us we were just horrible for implying anything.

We didn’t imply anything. We just said we had a hard time dealing with it. But that didn’t stop threats of violence and death, even from people I was friends with until that point.

But amongst all that, one of the friends, who had already left the fandom to the most part at that point, told me the one big thing I had kept missing: The lead singer is a rapist. He especially goes for underage girls, but ultimately, it’s all the same.

There were enough stories about it out there and even if I think one or two may be made up—oddly enough the favourable ones seem the most unlikely—I think with that amount of stories, including things my friend has seen herself, it’s pretty evident that it has happened. And once that veil was lifted, I could see it. Maybe it’s my imagination, but some signs have always been there, and many people have said the same to me over time, some who knew, and some who didn’t. But that look is there, and cannot be trusted.

This whole thing just messed with me. It messed hard with me then. I had my trauma before, but I had had it well-repressed and buried so deep in my psyche only bits and pieces came bleeding through in the weirdest ways. Not enough for anyone to notice and only for me to occasionally wonder why I’m always returning to this specific topic. (Shit, I still have the hardest time using the term, especially when applied to me…) But now I also had flashbacks, and the knowledge that for the second time now, someone I thought I loved and thought—for some reason—loved me (In a way), was actually this kind of asshole, was a goddamn rapist, and had deceived me so horribly, only for me to go through the pain and trauma all over again.

I’m still thankful I had LInkin Park at the time, to be honest. I know y’all love to make fun of them, but they were there when I was bullied at 12-13 years old and felt all alone in the world, just when “Numb” came out. Translating their lyrics is how I learned english and at that point, Chester screaming in my ears alone, was often the one thing able to keep me from dissociating every 5 minutes, but moreover, he was screaming about the exact trauma that had come to the surface, that I wasn’t equipped to handle in any way, and I just knew I wasn’t alone with it, I knew he understood. It was a little comfort keeping me from losing it entirely, and it gave me some hope that if he could make it through the same bullshit and come out on top, I could, too. Of course, a few years ago that hope got shattered, but that’s another story.

The thing about this whole experience though, is that I still suffer from it. Not only can I still not look at that shitbag’s face without rage and sickness and pain—although it’s getting easier, not that I’m trying to look at him, but he’s unavoidable these days, fucking horrible. I can never listen to their songs again, not that I want to. Even karaoke versions or covers make me run out the room with massive panic attacks. Especially the songs from the same album as the song that triggered it all. The last time someone covered their song at an event I was at, I nearly threw myself off the balcony in the hotel lobby as I was trying to get away from it, because I was that terrified and in that much pain from hearing the first line alone.

And thinking about it, maybe that’s why I no longer go to events. I told myself it was finances, but i just don’t wanna run into that again. Ever. I’m so, so thankful the same friend who had informed me of it all back then was standing by on twitter to talk to me. Typing and reading is good to get your head out of it. It’s a mental and physical sensation and forces you to think of something else, even if it’s only spelling, and I could talk to her to calm tf down.

But mostly, I’m thinking about the very, very deep sitting trust Issues towards famous people and fandom I have developed through all of it. Up to this day, I cannot trust anyone who is famous. Riches being bitches is one problem, an intellectual one for me, mostly, but this is something else.

As soon as I see someone enjoying their fame—especially white men—I get suspicious, because it’s so much like him. What if they too are like him? What if they too only want fame to attain girls they can violate? What if? How could I allow myself to like someone like that ever again? How can I allow myself to fall for this stunt again? I can’t. That’s it. I see you enjoying your fame, I cannot trust you, to protect myself, if nothing else. To not accidentally promote someone who’d do those things. To not accidentally promote them to someone, who’s led right into the trap and has to endure what so many others already had to endure, what I had to endure, even if in my case it wasn’t even a famous person.

So I shy away from anyone who seems a little too “Type-A” or too joyful about their status as celebrity or… too talented, too inhuman. I don’t even know. A lot of it comes down to the eyes, and sometimes I’m definitely right, but in some cases even I am not sure if I see it, or if I’m just scared I don’t see it when I should. (Does that make sense to you?)

On the other hand, sometimes I am certain I don’t see it, and my brain goes into overdrive, running around in circles. We don’t see it, so does that mean it’s not there, or that they are that good at deceiving us? We’ve been deceived before, we failed to see it before, who says we won’t fail this time? Do we see it now? Maybe we only think we see it because we are scared and a little paranoid. But maybe-

it’s a never-ending circle. (Kind of the definition of a circle, isn’t it?)

Every time I see a famous person I want to trust be so visibly human, and warm, or shy, and just likeable, I trust them a little more, and want to trust them a little more, and that is exactly what makes the alarm bells go off in my brain! it’s ridiculous.

Yet, every time I see the same person interact with, say, a child, I freak the hell out.

This is not normal in any way, and it cannot be, and it shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t constantly be afraid of what thoughts some adult man has towards children, literal gd toddlers in frilly dresses. I cannot keep thinking that being nice to a toddler has an ulterior motive, because it’s wrecking me the hell up! Yet here I am, unable to shake those thoughts and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to feel about myself. I was angry at myself a lot today, partly because of that. But I’ve also been deeply depressed lately, partly because so much of my actual trauma came up again and again, and now it’s not going away. I cannot even listen to remix versions of that one Lady Gaga song the band once covered, because it all brings me back (and How very shitty for a rapist to cover a song by a rape survivor too). Even worse, because that song is in my workout game.

I don’t want to have to think about all this all the time anymore, I don’t want my brain to constantly suspect the worst in people, but I cannot fucking shake it off.

I know I’m getting better, generally. I know I’m breaking through some of my fears and all, but I also know I may never be ready to actually speak about this topic with another soul. Therapist or not, no one will ever achieve the level of trust I need to open up about this the slightest bit. If someone were to approach the topic (to talk about me, not themselves, that is), I’d shoot them down. I may actually fall into a panic attack and punch them and run away I don’t know. But this conversation is not going to happen, ever. So I really don’t know how to fix it, except keep fixing myself, but I just don’t know if I can this time.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Headcanon meme: Logan? (Or Laura, your choice.)

Some of both, I think, because I love them both so much.  Speaking of which, I’m rereading the X-Men comics I own starting with the very first issue in the 60′s, with the overdramatic dialogue and the ridiculous costumes, and...I love them...so much.  For this headcanon meme!

HeadcanonLaura! Is! Trans!  Good talk!

For Logan, I still really truly believe that he and Steve Rogers ran in similar circles for a minute or twenty in WWII, because quite frankly if one super soldier is good, one super soldier and one dude with an upsetting talent for taking a bullet and walking it off is better.  Steve remembers Logan much better than Logan remembers Steve, because Logan’s working with a fair amount of memory loss just purely because, yeah, he can take a bullet to the brain and get back up, but memory storage is a delicate business and repairing the neural paths doesn’t necessarily repair the memories.  The two of them get drinks sometimes regardless.

HeartcanonLaura and Logan are both Highly Paranoid (with good reasons) and therefore people tend to expect them to radiate enough unease to make animals nervous.  They are Deeply Wrong.  Laura, at first, tends to be more afraid of animals than they are of her, relic of a long history of any and all new creatures being basically a gladiatorial fight to the death, but she comes around pretty quickly when Logan shows her how to entice a stray cat toward her.  As soon as Laura calms down the pair of them are always the most popular kids at the dance when it comes to domestic animals (with the exception of horses, which are anxious enough to need some soothing first) and one time Laura wandered out of the woods behind the manor with a real-ass fox in her arms.  

“You’re a Disney princess,” Kitty gasps, thrilled.

“I am not,” Laura snaps, blushing, and puts the fox down.  It does not leave.  As far as it’s concerned it’s found the universe’s friendliest apex predator and it’s pretty sure that following her around is going to get it enough food to turn it into a fox-colored sphere.

Gutcanon...the HYDRA cell that cloned Laura included a neurobiologist who used to work for the Red Room, and as such Laura has command coding modeled off the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow program deeply laced into her brain.  They learn this in the worst possible way (of course) and the ensuing fight to keep her contained nearly kills even Logan.  When she comes back to herself, she’s covered in his blood and Logan is still standing between her and the rest of the X-Men, because he knows from bitter experience that coming out of a haze and finding you’ve killed someone you love is the worst experience in the world.

See, the Weapon X program, when it experimented on Logan, was well equipped mechanically but underprepared for the delicate process of brainwashing.  Their first attempt crossed wires badly with Logan’s mutation, and accidental (or intentional) activation of the programming would send him into berserker rages, and...yeah.  He’s not letting that happen to Laura.  A lot of bad shit’s happened to her because of him, including this, but he’s pretty sure she’ll come out of it before she actually kills him for good, so he takes the punishment and does.  Not.  Move.

JunkcanonHey listen, I know Kitty/Illyana is, like, The Thing, but: Illyana/Laura?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Just me?  They would be a narratively perfect match, and also I would LOVE the parallel of Sweet Smiling Sunshine Illyana Who Is Also Belasco’s Heir and Grumpy Scowly Swear-y Laura Who Is Lowkey On A Righteous Crusade.  Tall Illyana in her high femme armor with a bigass sword and short Laura with her hair up in a ponytail and the blood of her enemies on her highly practical uniform.  Laura’s mutation and training mean she’s strong enough to carry her girlfriend bridal style even though Illyana is extremely Colossus’ sister and like a good solid seven inches taller than Laura’s 5′4″.  Illyana is enthralled with this fact.  One time Laura saw Illyana throw her sword like a javelin in a training session and instantly got clobbered by a mock Sentinel while she was staring.  It was totally worth it because Illyana spent the next hour fretting over Laura, healing factor notwithstanding.

Illyana had more of a childhood than Laura did (although not THAT much more) and teaches her dumb stuff like clapping games and jumprope, and one of the languages Laura learned in the lab was Russian and she falls in love with the language like she’s never done before when she hears Illyana telling bad jokes in it.

It takes Illyana a little while to get over her hopeless crush on Kitty, and it takes Laura even longer to figure out what the fuck pining even is, let alone that she’s been doing it, and then they’re sweet and clumsy and earnest together while Logan and Colossus kind of eye each other dubiously over their heads.

Come the fuck on, guys, this is a great concept.  This is, like, the Sweetest Ship.

God, catch me getting feelings about an AU where Laura is an angel and Illyana is a demon even though I’ve never read a single Magyk comic.

SpleencanonCanon can frankly suck an entire dick, especially on the subject of their perennial Death Of Wolverine nonsense.  Like, listen up?  Bitch?  You can have an immortal character.  It’s okay.  You can do that.  I understand that you feel like you need to keep doing the death thing because it’s “emotionally poignant” or whatever, but fucking COUNTER-PROPOSAL: you have a bunch of potentially immortal characters, which, understandably, you milk for a lot of angst.  That’s okay, I like mortals-and-immortals angst, but you need to stop fucking killing Wolverine because it’s nonsensical and annoying and never sticks, so what you’re going to do instead is have Wolverine start a whole fucking daisy-chain of immortal found family narratives.  Just have Logan adopt all of them.  Literally every single immortal character who isn’t actively out to do a genocide is Logan’s child now.  

Laura?  Yep.  

Illyana?  That’s his baby girl.  

Thor?  Thor needs a strong father figure in his life and Odin ain’t always top notch.  

Silver Surfer?  Norrin is a sad and shiny boy who could probably stand to have a parent around so he stops making so many bad fucking decisions.  

Elixir?  You KNOW Logan’s already on his game there.  

Steve Rogers?  Depending on your canon homeboy could live a long fucking time with that serum, and as we’ve discussed Logan was already Full Dad Mode in WWII, it’s just the status quo.

And like, Logan doesn’t need to keep all his new kids at home with him, most of them are grown folk, they’re adults, they can take care of themselves, but what I’m going to need is an ever-growing network of semi-to-fully-immortal characters who know that they can call up Wolverine when their girlfriend or their children or whoever lives out a long mortal life and dies of old age.  

You think I’m kidding but I’m EXTREMELY serious.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Dad! Kang Daniel A-Z

So I see a lot of those NSFW A-Z’s of idols and decided to try something different and do Dad! Daniel A-Z. I hope you like this, it was a bit of fun for the afternoon! These are just my thoughts, not what I expect Daniel to do in the future lol!

I’m open to writing actual Dad! Daniel fictions in the future too, if you’d like something more than scenario based!

AFFECTION

Daniel is very affectionate with his children. He loves cuddling with them, and was sad when the older girls started to grow out of enjoying his hugs constantly. He loved the feeling of being their security blanket, and relishes it whenever they let him now.

BIRTH

He was there throughout every birth. He couldn’t imagine letting you go through it all alone. Anything you needed, he got you. The type to come with a bag of snacks that he knows you like, but eats them himself because he’s grown nervous. After the first child he had a little more understanding of what was going to happen, but since each delivery was different, he would still find himself questioning how to be your biggest support. Wanted to cut the umbilical cord of your first child but felt too hesitant. Definitely did it for the others.

CONSISTENCY

Daniel is mostly consistent and follows through with your mutual parenting regime. If he’s really tired he’s most likely to give in then, and so you try your best to make sure he isn’t left alone when in that state - after your daughter convinced him to buy her the expensive doll house you had told her she couldn’t get, you weren’t prepared to take any further chances.

DAD SKILLS

Understanding how to communicate well with each of your children depending on their age and stage. Changes his language to suit their needs and all your children have always felt at ease because communication for needs and wants flows easily.

EDUCATION

Hands on approach more so than with books. Likes to set up fun experiments in the weekends to teach and play with. Very interested in sports and helps his children with them. Likes being involved in the school as much as he can and fosters a program for performance. Your children that are in school are all pretty well known because of their Dad and are very proud to point out their Dad whenever they see him at school too.

FUN

Has almost as much fun playing with some of the toys and activities as your kids do. Is known as the fun Dad within the neighbourhood and at school. The type to not batter an eye through an intense pretend tea party with the girls, and gets really into eating all that yummy pretend cake that it makes you laugh.

GETTING THROUGH PREGNANCY

Daniel was always supportive. The type to get up and buy you the thing you’re craving at 3am even if he’s just rolled into bed an hour ago. Was always worried when you suffered from morning sickness, even after the first born. Went to every scan and read pregnancy books with you in preparation. Knew when to comply and challenge your hormonal behaviours well.

HOW MANY

Four. You wanted two, he wanted three, somehow you ended up with an extra. Three girls and a boy. Whilst Daniel was thankful for his son to not outnumber him alone, he loves raising little girls and is pretty chuffed to be known as the Daughter-Daddy within your group of friends. Does a lot of rough and tough with his son, after years of tea-parties, he’s all too happy to have a son to experience new adventures with.

INTIMACY

Despite having children, your intimacy is still pretty decent. The kids groan cheekily whenever they see you both kiss, but hugging is constantly something Daniel does with you regardless. The kids all love it, snuggling up for movie night is a family favourite.

Your sex life isn’t as active as it once was, about 1-2 times a week. Which when you think about it, with four kids, it’s pretty great to be that active still!

JOB

Daniel’s idol life continued through the first baby, but after that he opted to run his own company, helping train idols with the knowledge that he gained through a very successful career. He still managed to do spot performances with WANNA ONE for anniversaries, and with his fellow MMO members, but he knew with four kids, and his age, he needed to find something more stable and city-based. His schedule was still packed, but he ensured he made time in it for activities with his family too.

KID FREE TIMES

You both made a point to have date night every fortnight where you went out for the night. Admittedly you both messed up in the beginning, still talking about the kids, but after setting the rule not to discuss anything parenting wise, your date nights became something you both looked forward to a lot.

Whenever the kids were in bed and you both were home you’d just cuddle up and catch up with each other and waking up in the morning without a kid(s) in between you was rare, but very well received (and an easy way to get in one of those more intimate sessions – normally quickly with the thrill of getting it out of the way before being disturbed to start the daily grind, hah!)

You were both looking forward to the times where your kids could go on camp, but it was a wee way off to have all four out at the same time.

LIMITS

Since he works with large groups of young people every day, loudness is never a problem for Daniel. Nor is bustling activity, because he could just lay there and supervise if he was feeling a little tired. However what he couldn’t handle was the children fighting. He literally struggled with seeing them argue or physically hit each other, it really got under his skin. He would come down on them all pretty hard then, almost regretting it as soon as his harsh words left his mouth. He would often feel pretty low after it too, turning to you for support and building himself back up as a parent.

He also found the department store with four kids all wanting this that and another thing as well; all too overwhelming and either buy them everything or nothing at all to deal with the environmental chaos.

MUM ONLY

Daniel was pretty hands on with most things, but the one thing he couldn’t deal with is sickness. If one of the kids was sick, he panicked so much that your calm and collected approach was the one chosen in the end. He’d always flitter outside the door worriedly asking you how they are every few moments, and when your second daughter broke her arm falling off her bike he was an absolute wreck. He really is emotional for his kids. Funny thing, he could take very good care of you if you’re sick. Which with four kids, when it made its rounds, you were very grateful you had him for nursing you back to health.

NUTRITION

Loves making meals for his family with you. As a unit you’re both big on meal prep. Looked up good healthy kids snacks and most of the time insists on them. But also the type to blow their entire diet and throw them on a sugar high at least once a month as a treat. Uses ice-cream as a bribery tactic often. When your eldest daughter had her first dental check and had early tooth decay signs in one of her baby teeth (lol), Daniel insisted on a month long stringent of eating well, until the tooth fell out and he realised that brushing twice a day and eating well in moderation was better than preventing pretend cake at the tea parties. The girls had been very anti-Daddy during that stage.

OUTER VILLAGE

Very close with Seongwoo’s, Jisung’s and Minhyun’s families especially and every summer would organise a vacation together. Would turn to Minhyun for a lot of parenting advice, even when you were the first out of the group to give birth. Good thing Minhyun’s full of sound knowledge!

PETS

You still have three cats and although he wanted more, it was hard for Daniel to share his cats with his kids. They would pull their tails and Daniel would just about dive on them to protect them. Spent a lot of time teaching the children the importance of respecting animals. Takes them to petting zoos often whenever he feels like there’s just not enough paws at home. Tried to convince you along with your third daughter that another cat would match the number of kids, but you didn’t buy into it so three it remains.

QUALITY TIME

Despite his schedule, Daniel insists on quality one on one time with his children. He takes each girl on a Daddy date which they all love, and often goes out with your son to play. Tries to read to each child before bed in the weekends, though your eldest now reads to him and puts him to sleep instead, oops.

REPRIMANDING

Daniel isn’t the type to like telling your children off. He’d rather negotiate and find a happy medium than scold and take things from them. He’s a sucker for their tears too, but overall if he has to; he will give them consequences and will stick to them too. Usually the harshest when he finds them physically pushing one another around, and he really has no time for disrespect in his household.

SPOILED?

Yep. The “perks” of raising three princesses means they all have princess rooms and all the things they generally wanted, except the knight in shining armour (Daniel is not prepared for this stage and often worries about it even though your eldest is only seven lol). His son has the latest games, a bunch of bikes and skateboards and the backyard is full of play equipment to entertain them for hours. The type to think of his children (and you) and buy little gifts whenever he travels. Hates when you purge the toy room as much as the kids do. He tries to be modest but the fact is, the kids have him whipped, sigh.

TECHNOLOGY

Prefers your kids to have fresh air and exercise over being in front of devices. You mirror these thoughts and were very conscious about how much time they got in front of technology. Is freaking out about when puberty hits, since your eldest is already asking for her first phone.

UNCLE

Known also as the fun uncle. Invites all the kids over in the weekend and lets them play on all the fun things at your house. Believes in child play being the best time of your lives and really instils this in all children he crosses paths with. Sungwoon is always whining to you that his son loves Daniel more than him. Comes up with crazy over the top children days with Jaehwan and you’ve given up trying to calm them down.

VALUES

Believes a family that talks about how much they love each other is the type to have a good constant flow of communication. And so he always makes sure everyone is talking well to each other, and it’s why he gets so upset when the children pick on each other.

WHAT CHANGED MOST

You wonder where your homebody of a husband went, but having kids truly made him want to make life as magical as he could for them. Even though he loved staying home, he’d always be pottering around the house doing something with them. It was somewhat a plus, because it meant you could do your own things when he was home, and allowed you some much needed me-time, but the change could still throw you off some days.

X-FACTOR (TALENTS)

Was very into seeing what talents your children would have early on and supporting it immediately. Your kids had gone through various hobbies like they had their underwear at times, but eventually you found that your eldest loved dance, your second child was in gymnastics, third loved horse riding, and your son was playing soccer and hockey. Daniel was very attentive to any need they had for pursuing their interests and was a very proud Dad with all their achievements.

YEARNING

Daniel’s life dream from here is almost complete. He’d love to move to the country one day, to let your children run free, but he likes the city life too, knowing how accessible it is for good education and amenities. Admittedly he’s happy with his four kids, but now and then, especially since Daehwi’s got his first kid on the way, Daniel can’t help but envision you pregnant again, he loved rubbing at your baby bump whenever you were pregnant.

ZZZs (SLEEP)

The kids’ bedtime starts at 7pm and the older two have until 8pm which is generally the busiest time of the night, considering it’s you putting all of them to bed alone because Daniel’s still at work. You have a routine in place which thankfully works, and you’re able to get a few hours peace to yourself until bed around midnight. Daniel is generally home around 10pm. In the weekends you both aim to sleep in, but due to poor sleep schedules from being an idol, Daniel still rises to his current schedule. Which is great because weekend cartoons with the kids is one of his favourite morning pastimes.

[killingmebtob]

Until Next Time // Lee Minhyuk

Author: @killingmebtob // Sara

Title: Until Next Time

Characters: Minhyuk and Reader

Summary: It was supposed to be my rest day but I’m being asked to go and babysit.

Author’s Note: This was requested quite recently so I tried it to give myself a break from all the NSFW requests and my current writing project. Er... Might be a little lame but I hope it’s okay. :)

--

Your name: submit What is this?

--

It was supposed to be my rest day this weekend. I had the entire Saturday and Sunday planned for myself and that included a bed, a television, a bunch of DVDs, numerous bowls of popcorn, and a tub of my favorite ice cream. I even changed my bed covers into my coziest comforter just so I would feel like I was being embraced by the clouds.

All week I had been looking forward to it. Each day after dance practice, I would think that I was one step closer to my weekend getaway in my apartment.

Well, unless you have a sister who likes to ruin things with last minute favors.

I had to force a smile on my face as I stood outside her door on Friday evening with a backpack filled with clothes that would last until Monday. She had kindly asked me over the phone to stay with her little girl for the weekend because she and her husband were going on some kind of trip and they couldn’t take her.

I suggested that they hire a nanny because that’s why people do these days. Not that I know of. I mean, I live alone in the comfort of my own small, tiny, yet cozy apartment. No boyfriend, no pets, and no kids too because who doesn’t keep it safe nowadays?

I’m kidding. I’ve never done anything too.

That’s probably also why she got me instead of a nanny. She wouldn’t have to pay me because she would stock up their home with food and she knew that I didn’t have plans for the weekend. By plans, plans with other people. She always emphasizes that my solo plans don’t count as weekend plans.

Yeah? Okay, sis.

It was almost like I could hear her in my head.

You’re part of a dance troupe that performs with celebrities and you’re telling me that you have no plans at all? By plans, I mean with people and not with your bed and your television.

I sighed as I rang the doorbell to her home. Well, at least now she can say that I have plans this weekend. No thanks to her.

The familiar scent of her sophisticated perfume wafted into my nose the moment she opened the door and wrapped her arms around me. I smiled as I returned the gesture. My sister always smelled like home. Even if I diss her or roll my eyes at her, she’s the only one I have left.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“Me too, Minnie,” I responded.

“I’m so happy that you’re here,” she smiled as she pulled away. “It’s been such a long while. Your niece has been asking when you were going to visit again the moment you left the house last time,”

Ah, my niece who looked so much like my sister. They had the same loose dark brown curls that fell beautifully on their shoulders. It was pretty similar to mom’s hair. I was stuck with pin straight hair that was always in a bob cut the fell above my shoulder. I got that from our dad.

As if she had a detector for when I was near, the sound of running footsteps echoed from inside their apartment along with excited calls of my name. “Is that auntie?! Auntie (Y/N)!”

Auntie always made me feel old but… I could only shrug.

“Chie~,” I called out in the same small tone.

I crouched down as the little girl rounded the corner. My sister stepped aside, completely aware of the routine the child and I have. The little girl launched herself into my arms, her short arms circling my neck in an embrace before I stood up to carry her and twirl her around.

She was laughing so cutely into my ear.

“You’re here~ You’re here~,” she chanted in that small voice of hers.

“You’ve grown a lot. You got prettier too, just like your mom,” I told her as I observed her face. “But heavier. I don’t think I’ll be able to lift you up like this next time,”

“No,” she whined. “I want auntie to carry me like this every time,”

I just chuckled at her childishness. Yeah, sure. Like, tell me that again in five years. You’d probably be crying for me to put you down because it’s embarrassing.

“Okay,” I smiled at her nonetheless.

I went in the house with her still in my arms. Minnie kept on reminding me about the things that I have to remember about Chie’s schedule like bedtime and bath time and meal time. But I knew it all by heart given the numerous times she had me babysit her daughter. Then again, it’s not like we follow it.

“Yeah, okay, okay. You’ve said this to me for about a hundred times now,” I reminded Minnie. “Calm down and enjoy your weekend getaway to the island you mentioned earlier,”

“Bali,” she reiterated.

“Okay. Bali,” I repeated after her. “Enjoy your time in Bali and I’ll take care of little Chie here. No need to worry about her. With me around, we’ll just stay here in your apartment,”

“Did you not hear what I said earlier? She has her an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow,”

“Yeah, I heard that,” I dismissively responded. I certainly did NOT hear that. “So, who and where is this pediatrician?”

--

Chie was animatedly talking about how she was excited for her appointment today as we walked to the clinic that was only a few blocks away from their home. She even wore her favorite clip, saying that the doctor told her that she looked really cute with it.

The kid was even blushing when she said it!

I was amused because it took a great deal to make Chie comfortable with a stranger. My sister picked a good clinic to go to.

The wide smile on my niece’s face grew even more, if possible, when we went in the clinic. She was hopping around like a cute little bunny.

“Chie, calm down,” I told her as I held her hand. “Should we go get ice cream after?”

Her eyes sparkled. “Yes, please! Auntie, let’s go to the ice cream parlor we sneak out to,”

I shook my head, a teasing smile on my lips. “Oh, look at this kid. Talking about sneaking out with her auntie. It’s our secret, okay?”

Chie giggled as she nodded.

“We’ll go if you behave,”

“Okay~”

She had stopped jumping around but I could still feel the joy and excitement radiating from her. What kind of pediatrician is this? Did he or she make her drink some kind of potion or concoction to make her this way?

“Hi, we have an appointment today for Dr. Lee…?” I was unsure. Stupidly, I forgot to note down the name when Minnie told me the name last night before they left. She even repeated it thrice.

“Oh yes,” the receptionist smiled. “Chie, right?” She smiled at my niece who nodded vigorously. “Okay. You’re just in time. Dr. Lee’s just attending to another patient and then you’re up next,”

“Thanks,” I smiled at her before we settled on one of the small waiting chairs.

It was my first time to bring Chie to her pediatrician so I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do or say. All my sister said was, “Hey, bring Chie to the pediatrician tomorrow. Thanks.” It was like throwing me into a den of wolves with just a twig to defend myself. Of course, that was an exaggeration.

The clinic had a small pharmacy and about four offices for each doctor.

“So what’s this Dr. Lee like?” I asked Chie who was swinging her short legs.

“He’s really nice,” she beamed. “He has these candies that he gives me when I visit. He always makes sure that I get my favorite. He’s my favorite!”

“Oh? More than auntie?”

“No, no! Auntie is my favorite but Dr. Lee is also my favorite,” she giggled.

I pouted. I was about to tease her about it but someone had called for Chie. She perked up at the sound of her name and before I knew it, she was already out of her seat and running towards who called her. Of course, I called after my niece as I turned around. The sight had me smiling.

Chie was in the arms of a young-looking doctor. Her smile was so bright that it could light up an entire city. Her eyes were sparkling too as she talked to the pediatrician. Meanwhile, the doctor was also radiating the same towards her. There was a fondness in his eyes as he spoke to her animatedly.

Even with just this scenario, I knew that he has a way of connecting with children. Chie, who was extremely picky when it came to people, was fond of him and that’s not an easy thing to do. I felt like he has a knack for being a children’s doctor. He gave me that vibe.

“Oh, who’s this?” He smiled at me when I went up to them.

God, he looks beautiful. I mean, I’ve never seen a man as beautiful as him. To be honest, he looks a lot younger than I am but at the same time, there was this mature vibe coming from him.

“Auntie (Y/N),” Chie smiled.

“Ah, the infamous auntie,” he chuckled.

Oh man, even his laugh sounded like music.

How can a person be this perfect?

“That’s me,” I grinned. “I’m (Y/N),”

“Dr. Lee,” he nodded. “But Minhyuk is fine,”

“Ah,” I blushed. Why in the world are you blushing?!

The doctor chuckled. “It’s fine. The parents of my patients often call me by my first name. It makes the whole environment more casual,”

“I see,” I nervously laughed. Geez. Way to go girl! I rolled my eyes at myself.

“Shall we?” He gestured towards his office. Dr. Lee, I mean Minhyuk, went in with Chie still in his arms.

As he was preparing his equipment, he was making small talk with me. He asked me about my profession. He was surprised when I told him that I work in a dance company. Minhyuk asked about where I’ve performed before and about what was my favorite performance.

In return, I also asked him about his career. Chie would sometimes comment too about what we were talking about. Once he was done preparing everything and checking Chie’s past records, he went to work.

The rest of the time was a blur. I sat on a stool at the side as he did his usual check-up routine with Chie. It’s not that I wasn’t paying attention but I was paying attention to something else. Instead of listening to what he was saying to Chie, and probably to me too, I was listening to how his voice sounded. I was observing how fluidly he moved—he looked so sure of himself in what he was doing.

It made me smile, seeing a person do something they’re passionate about. For me, it was dance. For him, it was looking after these children to make sure that they’re well and healthy.

Of course, it didn’t slip from my eyes how his back looked nice. For a doctor, he sure looked like he went to the gym a lot.

Oh geez. What the hell am I thinking about? This is my niece’s doctor, for crying out loud!

But it’s illegal to look that handsome, my mind argued, It’s not your fault.

“You’re really healthy, Chie,” he cooed as he gently patted the head of my niece. Oh crap, he was done and I didn’t even hear anything! My sister is going to be mad at me.

“Yes! I follow what Dr. Lee tells me every time,” she proudly grinned. “I want to be healthy like Dr. Lee,”

“And you will be if you continue to drink your vitamins and sleep early. Be good to your auntie,” he said. Geez, his speaking voice was nice too. And when he told Chie to be nice to me, I almost melted.

Help. Mayday. Mayday. This is a red alert.

Several tiny versions of me were running around in my head in panic.

“There’s really nothing much that I can say,” Minhyuk turned to look at me. This time, I gave him my 100000000% attention. At least, I could get something from this and tell my sister. “Chie’s vitals are good and she’s healthy. Just continue with the vitamins and the balanced meals,”

“Okay,” I smiled at him. That’s good. At least I didn’t have to deal with any kind of technical term that I was unfamiliar with. “Is there anything else?”

“Let me write a note about the next appointment so that they wouldn’t forget,” he stated as he went around to sit behind his desk.

Chie, on the other hand, walked to me and climbed on my lap. I couldn’t help but scrunch up my nose as I pinched her cheeks. She looked so cute as she pouted at me.

“Did Chie do good?” She asked me, peering up at me with her doe eyes.

“Of course,” I cooed, making her smile proudly.

Minhyuk, who was probably listening, cracked a smile and let out a soft laugh before he spoke, “Here’s the schedule. The next check-up will be a month from now. It’s been set to be a monthly thing. Just no one would forget.”

He handed me a folded paper from his prescription pad.

“Okay,” I nodded as I patted Chie to stand.

“Before I forget. Chie’s favorite candy,” he warmly smiled at my niece as he handed her a lollipop.

“Thank you~” Chie was beaming as she took it.

“We’ll head out then. Thank you,” I said as I took Chie’s hand.

“Have a good day. And I hope to see you again some other time,”

My heart leapt at the smile he showed me. It was almost like he was trying to make sure that I’ll go again next time. Oh man, I must be crazy. I just shook my head and went to the reception area to pay the fee. While I was waiting for the change and receipt, I remembered the piece of paper in my hand.

I opened it and saw the date of the next appointment. I took note of it.

I was about to keep it but there was something else scribbled at the bottom. My eyes widened when I realized that it was a cellphone number. Under it were the words,

Until next time.

He even drew a winking emoticon. It was cute because the smiley had a mole on the side of its mouth just like him. I couldn’t help but smile as I tried to contain my giddiness.

Next time, I nodded and kept the paper in my bag.

Once I got my change, I turned to my niece who was eating the lollipop. “Ice cream?”

Chie beamed, “Yes, please!”

[eyeofthewolfe]

Ninjago One-Shot: The Club

Prompt from @sygenesis13 : One shot idea: after the events of season 4, Kai and Lloyd have a bro-bonding moment while talking about the loss of their respective parent(s). The rest of the team come in later and then all share their favorite family memories. The End.

(It was such a heavy prompt, hopefully you are okay I stuffed comedy into it!! It became long, and sorry it took so long! But grief comes in different ways, and this club meeting is going to force grief out of young Lloyd! THANK YOU FOR THE PROMPT!!!)

__________________________________________________

The bedroom in the Bounty was silent, but Lloyd was glad. He gingerly held a picture in his hand as he stared at it, his cheeks shining and wet from tears that couldn’t seem to stop.

It’s been a day since the Second Serpentine War was ended, all thanks to a sacrifice his dad had made. But the sacrifice had no warning, and no major prep. One second his dad was a giant snake fighting to save Ninjago and then the next second he was glowing in the sky trying his best to say goodbye. It all happened so fast, and now Lloyd’s life finally slowed down enough to really feel his dad’s absence.

He hadn’t left the bedroom all day. The others had gotten up as usual and gone out to get breakfast and train, but Lloyd couldn’t will himself to leave the room. He was still sitting on his bed with his striped pajama pants and green tank top, his bed torn apart from a restless sleep. Restless sleep? More like no sleep.

Lloyd flinched when he heard knocking at the door. Wiping his face quickly, he looked over to see Kai leaning against the doorframe with a smug look on his face.

“Too late,” the spikey hair teenager crowed. Lloyd blinked.

“For what?” The blonde croaked.

Kai took a step into the room. “Now I know you really are a softie.”

As much as Lloyd wanted to smile at that, he kept a joyless composure. “Gee, my cover is blown,” he replied coldly.

Kai narrowed his eyes as he plopped down on his bed across from him. “So. What’s up?”

Lloyd stared back blankly.

Kai slipped his phone out and started texting. “What’s crack-a-lacking?”

Lloyd continued to stare blankly.

After a few seconds of texting, Kai looked back up to Lloyd, waiting for an answer.

“Are you serious Kai?” Lloyd finally responded. Kai put his phone away and sat back.

“Very serious.” He shot back. “I walked in and you looked like you were about to burst into tears.” Lloyd broke eye contact and looked back down to his photo of him and his dad.

“I just rather be alone right now.” Lloyd slowly looked up to see Kai nodding slowly with his lips pressed together. “Well, if you want to be alone, you are gonna want to leave soon.”

Lloyd bunched his eyebrows together. “Uh, why?”

The smug smile returned. “I’m about to host a meeting in here.”

That caused an eyebrow to rise. “What...meeting?” Lloyd slowly spoke, but it was answered very quickly.

“DEAD PARENTS CLUB!” Nya called as she walked through the door to the bedroom. Lloyd felt his jaw drop a little, and a little more when he watched Cole saunter in with Jay and Zane on his heels.

Lloyd sat up as they all made their way to their own bed.

“Dead...parents club?” Lloyd repeated to the room as they all got comfortable. A few nodded until Lloyd’s eyes fell on Jay. “...Jay?”

The freckled teenager slowly let his smile fade. “Oh it’s THIS club...yeah no I’m not invited.” He quickly dashed out of the room, only pausing to shoot Kai a thumbs up.

Kai cracked his fingers. “Well, I guess being the eldest member of this club-“

Zane raised his hand in interruption. “Actually, that is incorrect. My father died of old age before your parents vanished, we discussed this-“

“But then he got resurrected and we found him at the lighthouse, it doesn’t count!” Cole butted in. “Kai is still the eldest member of the club.” Zane frowned but remained quiet. Lloyd was still speechless.

The eldest member of the club cleared his throat loudly before continuing. “As I was saying, as the eldest member of the club it is my duty to welcome the newest member, Lloyd, whose father honorably sacrificed himself yesterday. Welcome, Lloyd!”

The room exploded into applause. Nya even gave a quick whistle. Lloyd finally muttered to himself, “This cannot be happening.”

Kai leaned forward to better address the room. “Now since Lloyd has been welcomed, we must start the tradition. I will start.” He closed his eyes.

“One of my favorite memories of my dad was his stories. Bedtime, naptime, stories over meals, stories by the fire, any stories he told always came to life. Not really came to life, but in my head it was real. He told us stories of the horrific Serpentine, the breathtaking dragons, even stories of people who could control elements! I listened so carefully to each story, I swear I could recite them to you by heart. And the way he told them...it was as if he was there when the stories took place.

After he vanished, the only times I felt calm and happy was when I was reciting his stories in my head. I would relive the fantasies and it would help me escape. As Nya began to grow older, I would tell the stories to her too, but I knew I could not tell them as well as father did.

Now I have realized the stories he told us...they align with some of the last we have dealt with. Maybe the stories are true, maybe they are an extension of truth, or he had a crazy imagination. Who knows, but I’ll never find out. At least I can remember my dad by the stories he told me.”

When Kai finished, he graciously accepted the applause. Lloyd was still sitting awkwardly on his bed, but he had placed his photo on the bed as Kai was talking. The stories his father told...it reminded him so much of how his father had told him stories of his past.

Kai motioned to Zane. “You’re up Zane!”

With a grin, Zane bent forward to speak.

“Telling you all my father was a genius would be a huge understatement. My father was the smartest man of his time. He built me, for heavens sake. Every day of my childhood I looked up to him, always wanted to be as smart and intelligent as my father.

However, something I discovered about me after I met you all was that I was a fantastic chef. Once I was reunited with my father, he told me that he never programmed that feature into me, and that I had just ‘picked it up’ like a talent. For a moment, I debated whether I was smarter than my father or not, but finally came to the consensus that my father had achieved something even greater than developing a realistic programmed robot.

My father had built a person. It was the first time since discovering I was a robot that I actually felt like a person. It was all because of my father, and his intelligence to build beyond just a robot and to craft a son. I’ll never forget my father for that.”

More applause, and this time Lloyd joined in some. He still wasn’t sure about this whole ‘Dead Parents Club’, But he was hearing things about his friends that he never knew of. And Zane’s fathers intelligence? It reminded Lloyd of his own fathers strength, and that was of his intellect. A small smile grew on Lloyd’s lips, and it was noticed by Kai as he gestured to the long black haired ninja.

“Cole! Your turn!”

“I’m not a very humorous guy, but at times I let loose a few jokes. That’s because when I was a kid, my mom was the jokester in the family. She would have me rolling on the ground laughing just with a few words. My dad loved her for that, of many things.

I remember one time she saw I had a bad day at school and I swore to myself not to laugh at any of her jokes, and I was successful. She tried so hard to make me laugh, but I didn’t offer one smile to her. I wanted to be upset, and after that she stopped trying really hard to keep me happy.

After she died, the one regret that kept me up at night was that I didn’t laugh at her jokes that day. I made her feel like she was doing something wrong when the whole time she was just trying to help me. It still haunts me to this day. So do I find humor hilarious? Not entirely, and Jay’s especially so, but humor is the biggest memory I have of my mom. And the humor wasn’t her personality, it was always there to make me or my dad feel better.”

As the applause erupted, Lloyd slowly looked back to his photo. He could hear his dad in his ear speaking in his teasing tone to him. Now that he thought about it, all his jokes to Lloyd was ultimately calling him out to improve in a non-stressful way. One tear darted down his cheek as Kai gestured to his sister.

“My turn!” Nya chirped as she scooted to the edge of her bed.

“I have no real memories of my parents. The only things I have to remember them by is the stories my brothers tells me, as he mentioned earlier. While my brother was telling from memory, I was making memories with my imagination.

I was around...five? Six? When I was helping Kai clean up the front porch area of the shop when I found a bracelet covered in dust and webs under some equipment that hadn't of been touched since our parents vanished a few years prior.

It’s the bracelet I have worn since you all met me, and when I was the Samurai I remastered the bracelet to work with my suit. But I have loved that bracelet dearly, after Kai told me he remembered mom wearing that bracelet a few times when I was a baby.

My bracelet is the most important thing that I have, and I don’t think I will ever take it off permanently. I may have no real memories of my mom, but at least I have something of hers that I will always remember her by.”

The applause returned. Lloyd joined in, but he was again lost in thought. Did he have that item, like Nya, to always remember his dad by? He scoured his mind, trying to think of one thing.

“Lloyd? Lloyd? Lloyd!”

The Green Ninja suddenly flinched as he heard Kai call his name for the third time. He stared at the teenager’s hazel eyes before he gestured to Lloyd.

“What?” Lloyd asked. Cole snickered some. “What??” Lloyd repeated.

“It’s your turn, Lloyd.” Zane replied matter-of-factly.

Realizing that it was, Lloyd frantically looked at each friend, who all were staring at him, ready to hear his story.

“Um,” Lloyd said with a shaking voice. “What exactly am I talking about?”

There was a pause as the others all exchanged a look. Finally, Kai leaned forwards to Lloyd. “Lloyd, in the Dead Parents Club we talk about our dead parents. But only the good stuff.”

Lloyd blinked, trying to comprehend Kai’s instructions. “Uh, okay...” Lloyd took a deep breath and began to talk aloud about one of his favorite memories of his dad.

“Well, um... after I defeated the Overlord and my father had all the evil expelled from his blood, I wanted to spend every minute, every second with my dad. And I felt like he wanted to do the same with me. He took mom and I on a trip through Ninjago, showing me hidden gems of the world and having fun with me. It was the best time of my life.

Once I heard I was to go on tour, I wanted to take my dad with me, for he too fought bravely against the Overlord with me. He deserved the honor that I was bestowed. However, he turned it down, saying that nobody would accept him after what he had done to the city. It was hard hearing him say that, but deep inside I knew it was right. While I was to go on tour, he settled down and converted an old corn farm into a monastery for him and mom to settle down and share their new life. I never wanted to be separated from him, but it’s what he thought was best.

While on tour, I felt so lonely. I knew he was happy with my mom, but I felt like I missed something. I had not said something to him, or something. It wasn’t until a fan yelled to me that they all loved me when I realized what I had missed.

Without hesitation, as soon as that tour day was over I used my golden dragon to fly to my dad’s monastery. I found him preparing his lesson for the evening meditation in his dojo. I remember scaring him, almost, but I ran into his arms and told him that I loved him.

I was crying into his gi, telling him that I loved him over and over and over, until he pulled me away and placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes and said, “I have always known.”

The room was silent as Lloyd finished, staring astonishingly as tears continued to streak down Lloyd’s cheeks. As if jolting from a trance, Kai shook his head quickly before starting the applause. Lloyd wiped his face as the others applauded his story.

“That was wonderful, Lloyd.” Nya called to the blonde warmly. Lloyd smiled but remained quiet.

Kai slapped his hands on his knees as he stood. “Well! That is it for today’s meeting. Thank you all! The club is adjourned.”

Cole and Zane took the first to leave, talking excitedly to each other as they left the room. With shaky legs, Lloyd pushed himself to his feet.

Kai, who was in conversation with his sister, noticed Lloyd rising to his feet. “Where are you headed?”

The Green leader considered Kai’s question before sticking his hands into his pajama pants. “I dunno.” He murmured. “But I don’t think I should stick in here all day. I might go grab some breakfast or something.”

Nya and Kai nodded, Nya shooting Kai a quick smile. Lloyd nodded to the siblings as he made his way out the door. He hesitated at the doorframe before turning back to the siblings. “Oh, and for the record, if this you want to continue this ‘Dead Parents Club’ thing you made up...change it to ‘Departed Parents Club’ and I’ll happily join.” With a small smile, Lloyd turned away and disappeared down the hallway.

Kai and Nya waited until they knew that Lloyd was out of earshot before bursting into laughter.

“I can’t believe that idea worked!” Nya gasped for air as she continued to giggle. “I mean, sure he knew it was fake the whole time, but I think he feels better!”

“Feels better?” Kai repeated with a snort. “He is going to get breakfast! I think the Departed Parents Club might be good for all of us.”

Nya raised her eyebrow. “Except Jay, you mean.”

Kai rolled his eyes. “Yes, except for Jay.”

The siblings high-fived each other quickly before following each other out of the room, not even acknowledging the photo of Lloyd and his dad remaining on Lloyd’s bed.

[lethesomething]

Midoriya and his many parents

Not a Dream Daddy post.

 I've mentioned this briefly in Aizawa's profile, but BnHA is just chock full of father figures. There's a big emphasis on mentors and fatherhood, more so than in a lot of other manga and anime I follow. Now, the idea of the 'sensei' is fairly classic, the old master who teaches the young hero their secret technique and all that. But the young heroes in BnHA, with their high stakes environment, do have a lot of them.

 This is especially true for Midoriya.

 Inko Midoriya

Surely I'm not the only one who thinks it's super interesting that we have not seen Midoriya's biological father? Like… he wasn't even on the couch watching the Sports Festival.

Considering his mother appears to be a house wife in a fairly nice apartment, I think it's safe to assume that he at least exists. Maybe he's a salaryman with a lot of overtime, more likely he's working overseas. Whatever the case, he's very much an absent dad.  Now, absentee parents aren't that much of a deal in anime. The '16-year old living alone in Tokyo' is a bit of a trope, after all, but here, with the emphasis on several characters parents, it feels like a statement. This is the manga in which we know the entire family set-up of Tsuyu, and the names and appearance of Jirou's parents. Much as I love Jirou, she's a side character. For the main character to have a blank space like that, is a Thing. It means that growing up, Izuku had one parental figure, and that parental figure was his mother.

And give the woman credit: she did amazing. It is not easy to raise a child practically by yourself. Certainly not a child that is considered an outcast by society. The amount of love Midoriya receives from his mother is heart-warming, their relationship is one of the better ones portrayed in shounen and as a result, Midoriya is a kid with an incredible amount of mental fortitude, capable of handling some pretty devastating circumstances. His mother has been a supporting pillar in his early childhood, which, remember, was pretty rough on account of all the bullying. As such she has shaped a lot of his personality. She’s equipped him with confidence, with an unshakable belief in himself. However, she is very much not a hero.

Her love is one of katsudon and hugs and kind words and worried tears. She wants him safe, above all else. She's never going to teach him hand-to-hand and going by her advice alone will not make him into the hero he desperately wants to be. Him quite literally leaving the warm nest she made for him to learn how to fight evil people is a big part of him growing up.

 All Might

Maybe that's why Izuku puts so much of his hopes and dreams on All Might. Here's his ultimate hero taking an interest in little old him. It's a fairy tale. A manga trope. And I really believe that he sees an alternate father figure in All Might once he gets closer to him. They have their wax on, wax off moment on the beach, with All Might encouraging him to get stronger. This is the trope. The sensei, mister Miyagi thing where the kid gets prepped to receive the ultimate technique (in the form of a lock of... hair, whatever). But unlike traditional masters, and unlike his biological father, All Might sticks around. He is a presence in his life. He cares for Midoriya and his continued success in a way that, at this point, no other male figure does.

Dad Might gives Midoriya a whole bunch of very important advice, but it's good to note that this isn't a rough or distant sort of male mentorship. All Might quite literally opens himself up to Midoriya. He shows him his weaker side. The skeletal side. The broken side. Because All Might, let’s not forget, is a friggin mess.

I mean, I know he's going through a lot, but this man is Such a Dork. It’s definitely endearing and it is also one of his best traits as a character. However: as a person, he's really not very well equipped to be raising a teenager. He lacks, in a way, the stability and level-headedness that comes with the position of a teacher. He cares too much. About everything. All the time. And he nurtures that side of Midoriya, when Midoriya already has plenty of that.

He can't help but admire Midoriya's selflessness. Can't help but praise the very foundation upon which his own heroics are based: helping people. When he saves Todoroki. When he saves Bakugou, All Might is there to tell Midoriya that what he did is all right.

And this is certainly important for Midoriya to hear, but at this point it’s also not the only thing he needs to hear. 

 Aizawa Shouta

Luckily Midoriya also gets a more traditional teacher figure. It's interesting to note that, despite being the younger of the two, and despite the fact that he sometimes teaches from an honest to god sleeping bag, Aizawa is a much more stable mentor and general Adulting Adult. He still cares about his students, but he's also much more likely to Act as a Teacher.

Because Aizawa immediately picks up on Izuku's self-mutilation. He watched the entrance exam, he knows that Izuku's quirk is, at this point, extremely flawed. That Izuku doesn't have control over it. He explains it in a pretty standoffish way, and certainly this early in the show it comes across as cruel, but he's not wrong. Izuku is breaking bones every single time he uses his quirk at this point in time. If he does anything with his quirk, he'll be a casualty. Him using only a single finger is framed as a feat of intelligence, but it is also INSANE. 'Oh you only broke one finger, you have nine attacks left'. That is NOT a good plan. Don't do that. For fuck's sake. I hope we all realize that what Midoriya is doing is Not Healthy. He is eating away at himself, destroying his own body over and over again.

When Aizawa tells Midoriya to get a grip on his powers he's not just being an ass. He's being a responsible adult, a teacher that cares about the general well-being of the students assigned to him.

Manga spoilers under the cut.

This isn't to say he doesn't begrudgingly admire Izuku. He does. He keeps him in the class because of his conviction, because of his intelligence. His Potential. He probably recognizes something heroic in him, just like everyone else does. But someone has to tell this kid to stop from literally breaking himself and that is something All Might can't really do at this point. The man himself has been overdoing it all his life. He is missing Vital Organs and he still can't, like, take it easy.  Even when given a literal time limit on his heroics, he will get distracted by saving people. So that role of scolding Midoriya and reigning him in goes to people like Aizawa and Recovery Girl. But they still can't teach him how to get Better at it.

Gran Torino

Enter Weird Grandpa Gran Torino. The old timer is rather well-placed for this, because he knows All Might better than most, and in a less… fan like way than most. He's capable of seeing All Might's flaws. He knows Yagi is terrible at self-care. He knows that Yagi is a man who decided to be a symbol. Who has pushed aside his own needs for the greater good for decades. Gran Torino recognizes this compulsion in Midoriya. He can see Midoriya's will to be like All Might as the potentially bad situation it is. And he noticed that all the way from his couch in front of the tv screen, watching the Sports Festival.

Most importantly, he shows Midoriya that he needs to let go of a lot of his admiration for his hero, if he's going to succeed him.

Which is something literally no one else would be able to teach him.

 Yagi Toshinori

One of the better qualities of BnHA is that even the older characters, like the big Idol Hero Dude, gain some character development. All Might goes through a lot of stuff in the series, and all in all he seems to take it in his stride that he's losing power. But on a very personal level, he's also getting better. At least at the whole teaching/mentor business. There comes a point when he stops pushing himself to be everything to everyone, and basically retires to be a teacher to Deku and his class. That point is one of my favourite scenes, because it so encapsulates the relationship between All Might and Deku.

It comes after the raid on the League's hideout.Bakugou has been saved, the whole friggin world has seen All Might shrink to his skeletal form and Midoriya meets him late at night on the beach where they first trained. Symbolic stuff. And the first thing All Might does is punch him for breaking the rules. Again. He scolds him and this is one of the first times he’s actually angry at Midoriya. For going above and beyond, for putting himself in harm's way. Again.

And then the Dad Might instinct kicks in, because holy jeebus is he proud. He can't help it. This is where Yagi decides to focus on *his kid*. Where he finally fully takes up the 'mentor' mantle.

And it's so bittersweet, because as with everything between these two, that beginning is also an end. One for All has finally transitioned fully.

And can we just… respect how well Yagi deals with this? He's had some time to process, but look at him. Depending on your point of view, this kid now has his power. Or is the reason he no longer has it. And he is gracious. Supporting. Comforting.

 The team

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and the great thing about UA, for characters such as Midoriya, is that it has a lot of good, decent people, who team up to provide some kind of personal growth. And it's so very cute when they do that! They actually do the whole good cop/bad cop thing.

For Yagi, personal growth, heroism, selflessness, bravery, is and always will be more important than rules. Yagi's affection is one of warmth, of understanding. Even when his two most trusted pupils are beating each other senseless, he's the one that pleads for leniency. Aizawa's job, meanwhile, is to provide authority. They are complementary, they have to be. Aizawa acts like this even if he can't enforce it. Even if he doesn't particularly like doing it. He knows it needs to happen, cause otherwise they'll never learn.

He's being Responsible.

But please note, because this is super important, that Aizawa doesn't even start yelling until he knows that all wounds have been at least disinfected. There’s a first aid kit on the table in the previous screenshot. Those kids already have bandaids on their face. The first thing either of those two adults do, is make sure everyone is all right.

Cause that's the thing I absolutely love about these two. Midoriya may have left the safe nest of his mother, he's very much still being cared for. His new guardians are a bit rougher around the edges but they absolutely have his best interest at heart. Yagi may be more prone to hugs than Aizawa, but this is something they both have in common, and something that makes them work together despite their clashing personalities. They care.

More BnHA character stuff.

[koganphrancis]

Gay 4 JT 4Eva

Also: New Writer, Who Dis?

Before I begin my recap of this week’s episode, let me send a sincere plea to TPTB at Shameless: PLEASE HIRE AN ACTUAL LGBTQA WRITER!  It’s nearly the end of the second decade of the 21st century!  Do we really need a bunch of different characters stating one reason (and one reason alone) that makes them gay or straight?  No, no we don’t.  

So, a brand new (to Shameless) writer is thrown into the mix and he gives us what was pretty much universally crowned on social media the most boring episode of this shit show ever, and that’s saying something to all of us that watched Season 6.  

It’s so hard to know where to begin, since I want to save ALL the Ian foolishness for last.  

I guess we’ll start with Frank since he’s very cut and dried this week: Gets a credit card, gets a car, gets fired because the store he works for is closing.  The show tried to make a statement about online driving brick and mortars out of business-which was “news” at least 5 years ago, maybe more.  Frank also had a very (to me, anyway) un-Shameless talk with Liam about being poor.  This show used to wear that like a badge of honor, but now we have Frank hemming and hawing before admitting that they are, but instead of his old rants about fuck capitalism/fuck the establishment/people who work towards material goals are soulless-he buys a car online.  In a nutshell, this is what’s wrong with the entire show now-don’t argue “character development and growth” to me-none of us tuned into this show hoping Frank one day turns into a typical TV dad with a job and a lawn to mow on the weekends.  

Next I’ll tackle Debbie-in yet another brilliant piece of retconning, she’s suddenly 16 years old.  Now, I’ve said it before and you can Google it just like I did: You have to be 18 years old to attend any kind of accredited welding school in the state of Illinois.  Those classes deal with equipment that can kill and maim not only the person using it, but those around them as well.  You have to be a legal, liable adult for anyone to put that shit into your hands.  Did she steal Ian’s ID to enroll in the school?  

Anyway, 16 y/o Debs is on what’s turned out to be a 2 day bender and has had unprotected sex that she can’t remember-multiple times.  Um, I have zero experience with drugs, but from anything I’ve read, Ecstasy doesn’t erase your memory-was she really being fed rufies by that long haired guy?  Anyway, when he informs her they’ve been banging for two days she leaves Franny (who’s been sitting in a bathtub set up with pillows and a blanket presumably all this time?  She didn’t need to be fed or changed?) with the dude and takes off in search of a morning after pill, which she can’t purchase in Missouri because she’s...not 17 yet.  

It was established in the first episode that Lip is 23 now, which makes his Irish twin Ian 22-but Debs is 6 years younger than Ian?  So, for those 3 seasons Ian was 17, she was 11?  She raped Matty when she was 11/12???  She got pregnant at 13 and gave birth at 14?  And Child Services didn’t take her and the baby away from Fiona, but sent her to a parenting class instead?  Yeah, okay, right.  

Anyway, she gets thrown in jail but a parent or guardian doesn’t have to come bail her out, and her storyline for the night ends with a very offensive, not funny racist bit in a drug store.  I don’t care that this is “Shameless”-in real life that guy probably would’ve been shot in Missouri for standing up and shouting like that, and the real life media would have a field day about terrorists.  

Carl-who we now know is 15-is still driving Fiona’s mini SUV around?  Now that we know he’s not old enough to have a license, does that make sense?   His role in the night’s episode is minimal-he basically drives Lip around looking for Brad.  

Lip and Fiona were experiencing parallel storylines-both were deeply, DEEPLY concerned about other people’s lives this week, but not the people themselves.  They both had all these, “I can’t let this happen to ME!” moments of narcissistic bullshit that was really hard to take.  In Lip’s case, he’s running around trying to get Brad back on the path to sobriety because if a guy like that can’t do it, what hope is there for LIP?  Yes, Lip, make this all about you.  And it really sucks, because a very natural concern is right there, but they’re having Lip ignore it: instead of worrying how Brad not being able to stay sober reflects on Lip’s own chances, why not have Lip be concerned for Brad’s son, and pledging to do anything he (Lip) possibly can so that kid doesn’t grow up with a father like Lip had?  There’s a ridiculous line where Lip tells Youens he has to come help Lip find Brad because who better than a drunk to know where to find a drunk?  That line ignored two major points from the series-one is that Lip himself is a drunk, and two is that Lip has spent a lifetime with his family hunting down Frank when he disappears.  They were that desperate to drag Youens into this week’s plot?  

Fiona’s whiny “it’s all about me!” plot centered on her finding a dead woman in her apartment, being eaten by her dog.  The show shocked me by finally having an actual, accurate fact about that-the dog has to be put down, by law, because it ate human flesh.  They even have a man come from animal control and drag it away-but miraculously by the end of the episode, Fiona has the dog.  Dafuq?  And you know they’ll never explain it.  

Anyway, Fiona gets freaked out when she realizes no one cared about this woman, and that that could happen to HER.  So she decides to remedy it by getting Ian to make up with her.  She goes over to the EMT building and walks right in, just like everyone else.  Ian’s there taking inventory on the truck, because he’s always there, because this is the least busy emergency response service in any major city in the USA-did they change their phone number to 912 or something?  Anyway, she’s not there to apologize as much as she’s there to LET Ian apologize to her.  The whole “feud” thing they’ve got going on is stupid and contrived as hell, but her showing up at his place of work and setting him off is cunty no matter what-and not because of his mental health either, just in general.  They just bitch at each other and we’re supposed to think that Ian is sooooooo concerned about those at risk youth when, as has been pointed out many times, Mickey and Yevgeny both fit in that category and he’s written them off without a second thought.  Ian’s comments about Fiona only caring about money and not people are A: something he said in Season 7-and the people he was referring to then were her own flesh and blood siblings, and B: didn’t stop him from leaving Mickey and returning to her house and life, so he needs to nut up and lie in that particular bed he made.  And Fiona-I get that she didn’t have a choice when Frank and Monica left her holding the bag with all the kids when they were young, but then Fiona made the decision as an adult to take legal custody of them-she stood up in court even after the judge begged her to reconsider giving her life over to them, so every shitty putting herself first thing that she’s done since then IS something to hold against her.  Her going to Ian not because she loves him and wants peace between them but to hedge her bets against winding up alone and forgotten was a shitty thing to do.  You know how nearly every season Fiona asks another character if she’s a bad person?  The answer by now is abundantly clear: she is.  The way to not wind up alone is to make sure others aren’t neglected and left by YOU, Fiona.  

Just like last week, Ian has the funniest line in the episode, and once again, it’s unintentional, but he growls at Fiona, “I don’t know who you are anymore.”  This from the character that since before the time he said, “This isn’t me anymore,” hasn’t been consistent for two weeks in a row.  How did this show turn to such shit???

Ugh, then there was the Svetlana/Vee/Kev shit.  After all this time, suddenly Kevin feels insecure about his wife having good sex with another person.  Vee says Svetlana is a woman, so she knows what feels good to a woman’s body.  Kev (who is no longer a redneck this week, in case you were wondering) makes the logical leap that he should have sex with a man, because that will feel as good to him as woman on woman feels to Vee.  (Are we sure the new writer’s name isn’t just a nom de plume for John Wells?)

Kev runs into Ian at Patsy’s.  Ian’s looking at his phone-I’d like to think Cam was sending #BringMickeyBack tweets using his non-public accounts, but he’s not typing, just swiping, so let’s hope Ian was on Grindr trying to find someone to fuck without a lecture first.  Anyway, Kev asks Ian how he knew he was gay, if he was straight and began experimenting and just “decided” he liked being gay “more”.  Ian says he just kinda knew.  Kev says, “So you just always knew you were into dudes more.”  Instead of just saying, “Yes, I’ve always been gay,” Ian has to predicate his answer with a brand new story about how he went thru this “weird phase” with a girl for all of 5th grade because he knew/had been told he was supposed to be into girls.  Plus he DOESN’T mention the fact that a decade later, he had to prove it to himself by fucking a woman.  Oh, fuck you, Shameless.  You’re just never going to let Ian be all the way gay, are you?  

Anyway, Ian says, “It wasn’t until, ah...”  Kev says, “Until what?” and stupid me at home, foolishly thinking Ian’s going to say, “Until I joined Little League and fell in love with the first baseman...”  But, no, he says, “Justin Timberlake” and a lot of people online are praising the writer for having watched old episodes, but I’m figuring he watched a You Tube clip of Ian coming out to Mandy.  I don’t think the guy immersed himself in the show.  

Anyway, then there’s a bunch of flawed logic showing up all over the place.  Kev agrees with Ian that JT is hot, then asks Ian if he’s attracted to him-which is SO WEIRD when you consider Kevin’s known Ian since he was a kid-Ian says no but gets saved from having to get into it further when his to go order is given to him by Snore with her three lines in as many weeks (more about Ian’s thrilling drink order later).  Later Kev finds a gay guy and goes into the Alibi bathroom to give his first bj but he-and the gay guy-decide Kev can’t possibly be gay because he doesn’t have a hard on.  Yes, because gay men can’t NOT pop a boner at all times when they’re in close proximity to each other.  And how did Ian’s attraction to a hetero dude prove his homosexuality?  And then on top of all that, Vee goes to see Fiona and has an epiphany of her own-since she’s not sexually attracted to Fi, she can’t possibly be a lesbian, no matter how much she’s enjoying sex with Svetlana.  And what about the fact that both Ian and Mickey were able to have sex with women?  That means they’re not gay by the logic on display in this ep-altho Vee having sex with Svetlana doesn’t make her gay, so?  All this shit is why I know the latest writer ain’t gay either.  Ugh.  

What is it with Shameless writers that people of compatible sexuality can’t be friends without having sex?  Fucking Sue telling Ian he couldn’t be friends with a gay guy when he met Terror, now all this bullshit?  I’m sorry, I don’t think not being sexually attracted to hot mess Fiona says anything about anyone’s sexual orientation.  

Oh, and Fi tells Vee she likes being dominated by Svetlana, telegraphing an upcoming Fifty Shades Of Ghetto Grey story coming up for Kev and Vee a mile away.

All right, back to Ian.  At the beginning of the episode he’s sitting in the kitchen, isolated from the family conversation, his arms crossed over his chest (and he’s wearing a particularly ill-fitting and ugly shirt-I’m usually down for offbeat wardrobe choices, but he just looks crappy), and he’s fuming.  There’s a bowl of cereal and a coffee mug at his place, but no sign of his pills-is he off them?  Is he manic?  We’ll never know.  Carl is bitching about his tuition, Ian asks him how much he needs, Carl says a little over four thousand, Ian says he’ll pay him five to kill Fiona.

Whoa, hold the phone.  We had to suffer thru the jail visit in 601 where he gave Mickey shit about it being his own fault he’s in there for the “attempted murder” of his “sister”, but now he’s maybe half joking (at best) about doing the same to his actual sister?  FUCK YOU, IAN.  Too soon, Shameless.  Too fucking soon.  

The only thing I was mildly interested in this week was how they were going to handle/explain Ian’s tryst with the old couple-did he really have oral sex with them both, or did he get the money by blackmailing them, and what would he tell Terror about it, and what would that asshole’s reaction be?  You know, other than a lecture-would he freak out that Ian “cheated” on him right after they got back together?  Would he dump Ian’s ass?  

At Patsy’s, Snore gives Ian his order-a soy latte, no foam, extra hot-Yes!  Ian is bringing Terror another crap soy drink at the center, right?  Wrong.  A dream finally comes true and we get another Terror-free episode, but this week I actually wanted to see him, because I wanted shit to go down.  Silly me, I let myself forget that every week Ian is a new character, a practically blank slate.  

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 4

Back to Jess POV again. Bunch of fun worldbuilding and Wolfe stuff here.

Ephemera: Russia wants the Archives (who doesn’t?) and the increased power and prestige that would come with controlling the Library. They’re not committing to anything yet, though. The ambassador doesn’t want to withdraw ships, but they also don’t want to side with the ex-Archivist. They want to test the new Library’s strength and decide where to go from there. Very pragmatic.

Smugglers are running the temple of Anubis.

Offerings to temples can be delivered to the temple itself or directly to their bank. Regular clergy does not accept donations (or maybe not large donations? No idea what the value of 1,000 geneih is), there’s a treasurer for that.

Henna inscriptions on Anit’s arms as a traditional sign of mourning.

Jess thinks Anit looks older now. Could be all presentation: she’s dressed differently than usual. Question then becomes whether Jess’s original guess that she’s 14 is anywhere near accurate. Is she 14 and presenting herself as older here? Or is she older, and was presenting as younger before?

“We can bring the bastard before the Conclave and let them decide his fate.” Last chapter made it sound like the Conclave was the entire staff of the Library. That’s quite the large jury there. Justice by popular vote.

Swearing an oath to both Anubis and the Christian God at the same time is a thing. Glain finds it amusing in light of the fact that Jess isn’t very religious, but no one finds the multi-faith oath in and of itself remarkable.

Jess thinks Wolfe wants the Archivist captured alive. Glain’s says her sworn duty is to kill the Archive. What are the Library’s actual orders here?

Bribing or otherwise recruiting a Medica from the Library seems to be what all good anti-Library factions do. The Burners had one in Philly, now Anit has one. The Library has a monopoly on good medical training, but they can’t keep other factions from recruiting people they’ve trained.

Non-binary doctor! Anit uses “he” when referring to Burnham. Wolfe uses “they” later. What’s the correct pronoun? Anit, as Burnham’s employer, ought to know that, meaning Wolfe went with “they” because he doesn’t know and used the neutral option as a default. Or Burhnam doesn’t always use the same pronoun and is currently using “they”?

Anit’s house is equipped for surgery and blood transfusions.

The Prince is a highly restricted book. The Library only allows a small number of people to read it. Smugglers seem to love it. It has a whole chapter about the Library’s weaknesses.

Still totally headcanoning that Niccolo Santi is named after Niccolo Machiavelli. Other Machiavelli books might not be as restricted. Or maybe one of his parents was high enough up in the Library to get access to The Prince? Must ponder this.

The Prince was written in vernacular Italian. Is Jess reading a translation or does this mean Jess knows Italian? Have fun with that, writers of Jess/Santi sin.

Jess thinks Anit sent for Wolfe. But Wolfe doesn’t know Glain is injured until Jess tells him. WTF did Anit tell Wolfe? Just “your kids need you get over here?” Or did Wolfe track Jess and Glain? They’re carrying enough Library-issue equipment to have a tracking script somewhere.

Wolfe is very agitated here. He’s blunt, sharp, and irritable, using some rather crude language. That’s not just a reaction to Glain’s injury; he arrives uncomfortable enough to actually admit that he’s uncomfortable. Sure, he says he’s uncomfortable because he’s in a smuggler’s house, but is that all? Jess’s condition is obviously a contributing factor. Lack of sleep and extremely recent imprisonment, too. And we don’t know what Wolfe’s been doing since leaving the Archivist’s office, aside from somehow tracking the former Archivist.

Watch Wolfe’s tone and sentence structure shifting as he gets more upset, then reins his emotions in. “What sort of charlatan do they employ here as a Medica” - elevated vocabulary, longer sentence. “Bullshit. You breathed poison. And that has consequences. Stop pretending that it doesn’t.” - swearing, short, clipped sentences, fragments. “I didn’t need your nefarious contacts to discover where the Archivist might be hiding, but we will need them to confront him.” - back to long sentences and elevated vocabulary.

Santi is apparently respectful enough of the dead to leave the Necropolis alone, at least until he’s run out of other places to search. Wolfe suggests that he’s doing Santi a favor by searching the Necropolis.

The High Garda has the power to do door-to-door searches for the ex-Archivist.

Jess reminds Wolfe that he’s “fresh out of prison, your third in the last few years” (that’s a very conservative estimate, counting only Rome, Philly, and Alexandria - the Iron Tower and Castle Raby were effectively prisons, too). Wolfe can’t even answer that right away, and when he does, it’s just one word. He’s locking those memories up tight and working very hard not to think about his trauma right now.

“Santi would kill me if he knew I’d let you go off on your own” “No, he’s quite used to me doing as I please, thank you.” They’re continuing the conversation from Jess’s room in Smoke and Iron here. Jess is still under the impression that Santi has some control over what Wolfe does. Jess also sees himself as responsible for Wolfe. Wolfe continues to assert his own autonomy.

This line makes it very clear that the situation we saw in Paper and Fire - Santi attempting to limit Wolfe’s movement and contact with the kids - was unusual for them. Jess’s perception of Santi as the authority in that relationship is based on how they behaved during a crisis, while struggling with trauma. (And even then, Santi really wasn’t that much in control - where did my Wolfe vs Santi count end? Something like 2:1 in Wolfe’s favor?) Wolfe is insisting that things are back to normal now, and by all indications, Santi has gotten that message loud and clear (we see no effort to stop Wolfe from pursuing the ex-Archivist).

Also, I am totally reading this as canon justification for slutty Wolfe and you can’t stop me.

Dad Wolfe! Asserting both Glain’s and Jess’s value. This is such a good father-son moment for Jess and Wolfe. Wolfe explicitly says how much he cares about both Jess and Glain, empathizes with Jess’s trauma, and slips in a bit of a “fuck you Callum” for good measure.

“I don’t coddle mediocrity” is Wolfe for “OMG I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.”

“using whatever magic elixers the Medica gave you” I mean, tone isn’t specified, but can we read this as anything but snark? Wolfe doesn’t have much respect for Medicas, does he?

Red Ibrahim hired mostly men. Anit is bringing in more women. Add this to the all-male crew of the ship and the shortage of women working for the Brightwells, and we see quite a bit of evidence for sexism as a smuggler thing. It’s a bit uncomfortable that it’s mostly called out in reference to Anit’s gang, though. Jess doesn’t even seem to notice that his father’s henchmen are all men (or at least, the named ones seem to be). Plays into certain stereotypes that no one notices the English smugglers being sexist but everyone notices when the Egyptian ones are.

Katja! Still shipping her with Anit. Open relationship, obviously.

Jess considers grabbing a crossbow. Jess knows how to shoot a crossbow?

“If Red Anit says you’re to be indulged, then I indulge.” I can think of some very kinky readings of that line.

[angry-ace]

I was tagged by the inspiring @barbex who's fictober challenge I am doing

Rules: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on: writing, art, gifsets, whatever.

I’m gonna tag people that are waaaaay to cool for me but who’s to stop me my anxiety probably @crunchie-morris who by the way has the BEST jackcrutchie modern au that I love with my whole heart and @your-brother-crutchie who is my go-to sprace blog both Sami and Rowan own my entire ass guys not in a sexual way but in a you’re my idol and I want to write like you way  also @one-true-houselight who’s got some pretty cute original fic stuff going, and lastly my son Thayne @king-of-newyork whom’s’t I love with my whole heart

Fuck this is gonna be long

Fanfics:

-my Jackcrutchie Mermaid au

-my newsbians fantasy au

-my hella angsty sprace au where Spot is a farmer not a newsie

-yesterday's fictober prompt that I accidentally fell asleep before finishing oops

Original fics (I'm going to be including both the works I've started and the ones that I wish to start but are currently just ideas rattling around my brain. As I was summarizing this I realized how messed up some of these are so I’m gonna give a content warning for death, abuse, body horror?, cannibalism, supernatural evils, attempted rape:

-a post apocalyptic novel about a group of teenagers who become refugees after their hometown is attacked by bandits and they end up fighting some cannibals and shit 

- currently there’s kinda an idea for a horror book in my brain about an evil ghost that preys on mentally ill people because neurotypicals find us less credible. Don’t worry the ghost gets killed in the end by a kickass lady and the sibling of one of its victims.

-  A woman is with her older sister, her niece, and her brother in law when the zombie apocalypse starts. Her parents were scientists and she was named after one of their coworkers.The brother in law is bitten and killed and the sister kills herself shortly thereafter. The protagonist is left to care for her niece. They end up in this community run by a tyrannical guy who sends the niece away against her will. She escapes and wanders alone until she’s scratched by a raccoon. The scratch gets infected but she's saved by another woman. They begin dating and find a new community that’s actually safe and good. They get word of the niece and decide to leave together to find her.

- A teenage boy with monoplegia in one of his legs caused by a spinal injury navigates the zombie apocalypse. His journey begins with his mother, infant sibling, and abusive father who escaped jail at the start of the apocalypse. He was in jail for causing the car crash that injured the protagonist by driving drunk. To escape a zombie horde the father throws the baby into the mob and the mother runs in after the baby, they both die. The protagonist is left with his abusive father who is eventually killed by a badass afab agender hero in a hotel. The hotel is overrun by the dead and they escape together. Once outside they steal a car with a key in the ignition. They drive for miles heading towards a refuge from the dead, a safe community where they can live out the rest of their lives in safety, when they hear noises coming from the trunk. They open the truck, expecting to kill a member of the undead, but are instead surprised by the presence of a kidnapped teenage girl. They drive together to the community but the protagonist is denied entrance because of his disability. The girl enters the community but the protagonist and agender badass move on. They encounter a group of other disabled people who were denied entrance to the safe haven. Notable members are a spunky autistic girl, and a deaf young woman who turns out to be the sister of the teenage girl they’d previously traveled with.

- Okay so Nina Normal is a transracial adoptee from India who is living in Kansas. She was adopted when she was a baby so she never meets her birth parents and they literally never become a plot point. She visits her uncle in his science lab and is caught in the explosion of a particle accelerator that gives her super speed. She starts fighting bigots with her best friend Maia, a Japanese teen who is an aspiring voice actress. She also attempts to dismantle Narcorp, a company responsible for selling the faulty lab equipment that caused her accident who’s goal is to cause people to get super powers so that they can have a super powered army.

-Okay so this one is an ace lesbian named Lana has a super abusive mom and also she is a princess. She’s a painter and has magic but she has dyslexia so finds it difficult to read spellbooks. There’s this army that trying to overthrow the queen and she joins them after her mom throws her out of the house after she attempts suicide. In the army she meets a girl Mary and she and Mary start dating. The queen’s army threatens to attack Mary’s army while it’s weak and Lana gives herself up to protect Mary. Lana’s mom tries to do a ritual to remove Lana’s magic for herself but it’s interrupted by Lana’s father, who she’s never met, rescuing her. Lana’s dad returns her to Mary and helps aid the overthrow of the queen. Lana and Mary have a huge fight about Lana’s mother’s execution and Lana goes to study magic in her father’s court. Lana’s dad turns out to be a dickhead, he tries to make Lana get married to a dude but obviously she doesn’t want to because she’s gay and also still hung up on Mary. The dude gets drunk and tries to rape Lana but she uses a spell to make him start throwing up and get really sick. Lana returns to Mary and helps dissolve the monarchy in her home queendom. It basically becomes a lovely anarchist commune and Mary and Lana get back together and also get married and live happily ever after.

- Okay so this one doesn’t have any humans. It takes place in a different solar system on the planet of Oceana. Oceana is almost entirely water and it has a bunch of different mermaid cultures and types of mermaids. There are polar mermaids that live in the cold areas, can survive on the ice, they have gills and tails, the way they walk is by digging their claws into the ice and dragging themselves around. The deep sea mermaids are more like angler fish, they have super great hearing and rather than speaking and doing hand motions like polar mermaids they communicate by flashing their lights. Basically the different mermaid tribes are at war and idk the mc is trying to resolve the conflict. The mermaids would be different sizes based on whatever fish they’re supposed to be.

-So there’s this evil group trying to turn people superpowered to do espionage shit idk. And they kidnap a bunch of at-risk teens to experiment on giving them powers or to study their naturally occuring powers. The kids eventually escape during an attack on the lab by a group opposing the scientists, but some of the kids got left behind. They begin working with the attackers to rescue their friends. What happened to them has some fallout on the kids like the mc’s boyfriend becomes addicted to drugs from his struggle to cope. Eventually the kids that got left behind are rescued. Some of them don’t want to keep fighting the organiation and move on. Other’s feel like their lives have purpose since they began the fight and keep at it. The one’s who moved on get roped back into it when the organization attacks a very public place and their guilt gets them involved.

[glasgowgirl92-blog]

Lullaby - Sleepless in Chicago

Okay, so, what started as a I need fluff fic has left me wanting more and apparently leaving @queseraone needing more!. Lullaby is now going to be a multi-chapter fic detailing Linstead as parents! It’s not in any kind of order, more just a snapshot of their lives if they had a baby! If anyone has any prompts they’d like to see, feel free to drop them to me!

A huge thank you to everyone who liked, reviewed, reblogged the first chapter, because without that? This one wouldn’t be here. You guys are amazing.

Lullaby part one is here, should you want to read it, but you absolutely don’t have to for this to make sense. 

More fluff in which Erin is exasperated, Jay is exhausted and the Cookie Monster is an excellent distraction for babies. 

Sleepless in Chicago

He’d always had a routine. Get up, work out, shower, go to work, come home, eat, sleep. Repeat. It wasn’t necessarily pretty, but it was functional and it got him to where he wanted it to be. Then, however, then Jay had become a fiancé and a dad in the space of 6 months and really, everything had hit the fan and flipped it all on its head.

Getting up had become internally yelling at the alarm because didn’t he just get to sleep? Working out was a whole lot of running up and down stairs, doing a whole bunch of crunches because it made Millie laugh, walking around and rocking a baby. Ruzek had joked about his dadbod, which was quickly shut down by Burgess who had given him a look and he’d apologized profusely. Working was different, too. The thrill of chasing after a suspect was dulled because the worry of leaving Erin alone with a baby for the rest of her life considering the incident, or her having to take care of him too, after the last time? Generally, put enough fear into him for him to watch his six as he did it.

Eating? Well, that was done quickly; hot foods were usually eaten cold and cold food usually eaten warm, and even then? Snack food was so much easier than making a meal – although he always made sure that Erin had eaten at least one decent meal and Millie seemed to drink a lot of milk, so his girls were always taken care of. Sleeping? Eh. Sleeping happened when it needed to. Jay always made sure Erin got sleep because she was the primary caregiver and he was her tag team partner when he was home, which sometimes was only for 6/7 hours a day, most of it being spent on getting some sleep for himself. Erin always pouted, however, when he took a long time to come to bed. Erin was the one who made sure he got some time for sleep, the one who made sure he was eating something significant, the one who made sure he knew he was appreciated and loved.

Growing up in the family he had; the way he had, Jay had known that how he didn’t want to parent. Jay knew he wanted his partner to feel valued, loved and safe in their home. He wanted his children to grow up safe and happy, knowing that they were loved and valued and had a home that was a happy place. He worked hard, knowing that Erin was 16 before she got a safe and happy home, to provide both of his girls with a solid family unit.

Which is why he found himself taking the stairs 2 at a time after pulling what was technically a double shift, carrying a bag of groceries trying to make sure he was home for the start of Sesame Street. Millie was 3 months old, but she absolutely adored that program and was riveted to the screen whenever it was on, kicking her little legs and waving her arms. It was one of the only times of the day that he and Erin could manage to get through more than half of a conversation without something else needing their attention; bottles, diapers, Millie, work. There was always something pulling them in another direction, but Jay was absolutely determined to be there with his girls this weekend. He was using some furlough that he hadn’t used; 4 days of nothing but his girls and that thought made him move a lot faster.

Given that it was 6am, Jay quietly entered their apartment, smirking when the opening titles of the show began to play, fist pumping in victory that he’d made it. He kicked off his boots, lining them up neatly by the door, juggling the grocery bag to get his coat off and hung up. He froze momentarily when he turned around, Millie in her little rocker chair that Atwater had gotten for them; the blanket Sargant Platt had made for her draped over her. Erin was curled up in the corner of the sofa looking every bit as exhausted as he felt, holding a cup of what he assumed was coffee in her hand. He’d come home to them many times, but Jay had never felt the sensation of home as much as he did in that moment.

“Hey,” Erin called softly, pulling him from the trance he was in, smiling sweetly at him, as though she could hear every thought in his head. He put his keys on the table next to hers and grinned at her.

“Hi.” Jay called back, “be with you in a second.” He told her, disappearing into the kitchen and making quick work of stowing away the groceries, making a list of what he needed to make her favourite chocolate chip pancakes, and leaving those ingredients near the front of the cupboards to nab after he’d said hello to his ladies. No matter how bone-tired he was, it was his duty to make sure they were taken care of and if that meant pushing sleep for another couple of hours to do some chores and make his Erin breakfast? He could do it.

“You really need to work on what time is,” the voice came from behind him causing him to jump and spin around. Trying to look annoyed when Erin Lindsey is wearing your yellow plaid shirt and panda slippers and looking entirely gorgeous in your kitchen is damn near impossible and Jay would fight anyone who could do it, because it meant they didn’t appreciate what was in front of them.

“I was getting ready to make you pancakes.” Jay told her, stepping into her space and pulling her into his arms for a slow, soft, adoring kiss, feeling her smile into it.

“Jay.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around him when he trailed those kisses down her cheek to nuzzle into her neck, pulling her as close as he could. “Jay,” she said again, running her fingers through his hair to tug his head back to look at him, raising an eyebrow at how dishevelled he looked. His hair had been messed up long before she ran her fingers through it; his eyes stood out due to the dark circles beneath them. Those same blue eyes were red rimmed, he had stubble and Erin was halfway sure that he would fall asleep the second he got to resting and she smiled at him. “I can do cereal for this morning.” She told him cupping his face in her palms. “Fruity Pebbles are pretty damn good.”

Jay shook his head, sneaking another kiss from Erin. “No. Chocolate chip pancakes is the breakfast of champions and if I’m gonna nap? You’re gonna need fuel to keep Mills occupied.” He argued, suddenly serious and Erin smiled at him; eyes going soft as she pulled him closer, resting her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Pancakes and then you’re actually going to sleep for a few hours. In bed. No arguments.” She held up a hand to silence him without even looking at his face, earning herself a chuckle and a kiss to her hair. “Got a solid five hours with her last night. She didn’t wake for a feed so I let her sleep.” Erin grinned proudly and Jay found his smile matching hers.

“Good job,” he stated, giving her another kiss atop her head, earning a laugh.

“I didn’t sleep on her behalf, you should go high-five your girl for that one.” Erin told him, still giggling, laughing harder when he took her hand and led her into the living room and straight over to the little bouncer chair that Maddie was still in, sucking hard on her pacifier as she watched the cookie monster on screen.

“Well hello there, Mills.” Jay greeted as he knelt in front of her, heart stopping when she giggled and spat out the pacifier as she grinned up at him, reaching her little hands forward to him.

“Who’s that?” Erin asked, “Is that daddy, Millie? That’s daddy.” She beamed from her place on the sofa as Millie laughed, looking Jay right in the face. Erin watched as the smile almost split Jay’s face, a sheen of tears filling his eyes as he unbuckled the seat and carefully picked his daughter up into his arms, leaning down to press kisses all over her, causing the baby to laugh again and again; a small gargled giggle that it was clear Jay had fallen in love with already as Millie ran her hands over his head and waved her arms about, Sesame Street long forgotten now that Jay was home.

“How long as she been doing that?” Jay asked, not used to the sweet little giggle, but doing everything to make sure his daughter was making that noise repeatedly.

“She made it in her sleep through the night.” Erin told him, moving the cushion as Jay moved over to join her on the sofa, moving Millie in his arms so Millie could see Erin. “I wanted you to find out on your own.”

“Its joint number one favourite laugh.” Jay told her, clearing his throat as he obviously tried to contain his emotions, “can’t possibly choose between yours and hers.” His eyes finally moved from Millie to Erin, holding her gaze before he leaned in and kissed her, whispered thank yous against her lips as she brought her hand up to rest on his neck, stroking the skin there, a sure fire way to relax him, to settle whatever was brewing under the surface before it took over.

“I’ll give her the win on this one;” Erin spoke, softly, leaning in to rest her head against Jay’s shoulder, watching as Millie began to wriggle; before turning her head and nuzzling against Jay’s shirt, her mouth opening and closing.

“Oh, no, Mills. Daddy can’t help with that. Wrong human.” Jay laughed, “I’m the one who uses the bottle.” He explained, causing Erin to laugh out loud, the almost confused look on Millie’s face as Jay tried to explain what was happening was both precious and priceless. “Mommy does that, not daddy. I don’t have the right…equipment.” Jay eventually finished the sentence, looking just as confused as his daughter and Erin wiped her eyes as she reached for Millie.

“Did you just call my boobs equipment?”

“I think so.”

“Dude.”

“I know, I just, didn’t know what else to call them.” Jay stated, flustered.

“Boobs, Jay. Call them boobs or breasts or—“

“I’m going to make pancakes.” Jay announced, “it’ll take about 25 minutes. Is that enough time to have her fed?”

Erin could only nod, her giggling had started again at the blush creeping over Jay’s flustered face as he hummed his agreement and was up from the sofa and into the kitchen before Millie had even latched on.

After feeding, burping and changing the tiny human and placing her in her Moses basket in the livingroom behind the sofa next to the table, Erin and Jay had devoured a stack of pancakes each and Erin had fought for the right to help Jay do the washing up, they had finally ended up standing in the middle of the living room floor, looking around.

“You should sleep.” Erin told Jay as she rearranged the sofa cushions and folded Millie’s blanket.

“I’m good, why don’t I run you a bath? I can keep an eye on Mills while you relax for a bit. It’s been just you practically for 2 days.” Jay volunteered, eyes moving over to the sleeping baby, envying her for a moment before he looked back at Erin and stifled a yawn.

“Jay. You’re exhausted.” Erin told him pointedly, “You need to sleep.”

“I’m good.” Jay held his hands up but Erin shook her head, tugging his hand and dragging him to the sofa, forcing him to sit with her.

“You’ve worked this case solidly for two 16 hour shifts with a six-hour break between them. That’s not enough. You need time to rest.”

“And I will, when you’ve had some time to rel—“

“Jay.” Erin interrupted, glaring at him. “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.”

“I know what you’re doing and you don’t have to do this.” Erin told him, trying to catch his eye. “Jay, you’re not your dad.”

Jay’s mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the words to say. His right hand moved to his hairline as his left balled into a fist. He was looking anywhere but at her and Erin let him have a couple of minutes before she eventually reached for him, taking his hand and turning his face to her.

“You. Are. Not. Your. Father.” She repeated, slowly. “You’re not mine, either.” She added on softly. “I’m not going to watch you work yourself into a heap on the floor proving to yourself that you’re neither of them. I know and Millie knows and that should be enough.” Her voice was soft, gentle, soothing as she knew how hard her words were. “We love you and everything you do for us, but we want you healthy.”

“Erin.” Jay’s voice was broken, raw, as though he’d swallowed a who landfill of broken glass. Her name a small plea for her to stop, that he wasn’t ready for this. Erin understood, but she had to make him understand that he was better than they were.

“I love your chocolate chip pancakes and hearing your play with her when I’m in the bath. But I can’t lose you, Jay. Almost losing you was enough.” Erin’s voice got softer and softer until it was almost inaudible at the last sentence, causing Jay’s anguished eyes to land on hers.

“You won’t.” he assured her, leaning in to rest their foreheads together. He’d only been back at work for just over 2 months since the…incident but he’d never really thought about the impact it had had on her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, because I’m not letting you.” She told him fiercely, eyes meeting his. “I’m not letting you exhaust yourself like this. We’re a team, partnership, fifty-fifty split. Which means we both have each other’s backs, Jay.” Erin continued in earnest, and was thankful when Jay kept his mouth closed to let her speak. “I can’t be your back up out there; I can’t make sure you’ve got someone looking out for you. But here? Here I can. Here, I need you to let me take as much care of you as you do of me, because it’s not just about us anymore.” Erin stopped, turning her head to look at the crib beside them.

Jay let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and nodded, moving them so she was in his lap and he could bury his head in the crook of her neck and her shoulder and just breath her in as they wrapped themselves around each other, holding on, sharing everything they couldn’t say out loud.

When Millie’s cries eventually permeated the apartment, Jay wasn’t sure how long he and Erin had been wrapped up in each other on the sofa for, but he’d given her a soft kiss and then knelt up to reach into the Moses Basket to lift Millie into his arms and against his chest. It took him seconds to check and see if she was wet, stinky, or hungry. She wasn’t trying to latch onto his knuckle and she didn’t need a diaper change.

“I think Miss Millie just wanted in on the snuggle action, huh?” Erin cooed when Mille began to settle down in Jay’s arms, nuzzling into his warmth, her eyes drifting closed as Erin stroked her head.

“Probably, I do give the best hugs.” Jay joked, but Erin could still see the shadows in his eyes, making the decision that poking that bear again would be done at another time, instead she hummed her agreement and leaned in to press another kiss to his lips.

“You’re kinda hot with a baby,” she teased, causing Jay to raise an eyebrow.

“Kinda and Hot don’t go in the same sentence when it comes to me. I’m always hot.” He smirked and Erin laughed, shaking her head as she lightly punched his arm. “Erin, I got this, maybe you should take a—“

“--I’ll take a shower. Not a bath. I need to wash my hair anyway, so I won’t be too long. Then you’re going to bed, Jay. No arguments.” She stated, pointing her finger at him, causing him to give her a lopsided smile.

“Fine. Take your time, it’s not like we’re going anywhere.” He told her, leaning up to steal a kiss when she stood and then leaning into her touch when she rubbed his head and trailed her hand down to his jaw.

“I’ll be a half hour tops.” Erin told him, pressing a kiss against Millie’s head where she snuggled further against Jay’s shoulder, her tiny hand gripping the fabric of his shirt.

“mhmm.” Jay agreed, coping her motion and manoeuvring the baby as he got himself comfortable on the sofa, reclining against the cushions and searching for the remote for the TV to put it onto sports centre before Erin had even left the room.

When Erin returned to the living room; freshly dressed in some jeans and her own plaid shirt this time; she found her fiancé and her daughter, both sound asleep on the sofa. Jay reclined against the cushions, his feet propped up on the coffee table; Millie nestled on his chest, one of his hands on her back over the blanket that Platt had made for her, his other hand closer to his chin, her tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb, his lips pressed against her head.

She didn’t have the heart to wake him, her heart already melting. Instead, she simply turned down the TV and moved to the sofa, curling up beside them and taking a snap for the album she was making before resting her head against his shoulder and letting her eyes drift closed.