#she's my favourite avenger you can't do this to her :(

[nostalgia-tblr]

but why weren't sif and the warriors three wearing historically accurate empire waist frocks during loki's regency??? everyone knows if there's a regency you break out the jane austen stuff.

[shanastoryteller]

happy valentine Shana!!! I can't believe i made it finally jgfcjjcgjgx i would love to see some fma (Sacrifice is free/ed&ling betrothed/What They Expect) or more of Lord Arthur De Bois, or time travel Jiang Cheng/drarry, or Avengers' Three Faced Goddess! (can anyone tell I Cannot choose favourites? They're all so gooood) and if none of those sound appealing, dealer's choice! thank you!!

continuation of 1 2 3 4 5

It's sort of awkward, because Eden insists on thick tights and long sleeves and keeps her gloves on, but Catherine takes it in stride and doesn't react with anything more than a single raised eyebrow. Maybe she thinks she has some sort of terrible skin condition on her limbs, or something, because she's perfectly fine with plunging necklines and the lacy bras Catherine shoves at her.

She hasn't worn anything besides a sports bra since she's had breasts. They're not exactly comfortable, but compared to the constant, background ache of the automail it doesn't even make a blip on her radar.

Besides. They make her look like a girl, shoving her breasts up front and center, and their size had been an annoyance when passing for a boy and a comfort when she looked at herself naked in the mirror, searching for the girl she was rather than the boy everyone saw, but this is different.

"Wow," Catherine blinks, tilting her head to the side.

Eden flushes and wishes that at any point she'd learned how to talk to pretty girls outside of life or death situations. "I hadn't realized they - I'm not used to wearing, um, girly stuff."

"You look good in it," she says, touching Ed's back and shifting her to face the mirror.

She's in black tights and boots with a chunky heel, taller than the ones she normally wears and sleeker, stopping just below her knees. She's wearing a dark green dress with a deep neckline. She's used to be hard lines and sharp edges, but she looks soft here, her hips and breasts curving out from her waist and the dress somehow minimizing the breadth of her shoulders, or maybe it's just that with all the skin on display in the center, her shoulders just don't get as much attention. She'd had to build them up, to make the automail balanced, to make sure her body could support it, and she'd always hated how masculine it made her look. But looking at herself now, she wonders if that just wasn't in her head.

Green's never been a color she gravitated towards, but the dark color makes the gold of her hair shine, brings out the warmth of her eyes and the pink of her lips.

"You're really good at this," she tells Catherine, throat tight.

Catherine grins. "You are a beautiful canvas, Eden. It was not difficult." Ed's face burns. "Do you have plans for dinner? We could have it at my home. I am, honestly, dying to curl your hair."

Ed hesitates, because her shade of blonde is rather distinctive, then takes a second look at herself in the mirror. No one is going to think she's the Fullmetal Alchemist looking like this. "Okay, yeah. Sure. That'd be great."

~

Catherine knows that Eden is military at first glance, seeing her elder sister in the way Eden stands and moves. She looks young, but she can't be that young, not when she has the stance of someone who's been enlisted for years.

She figures that Eden is looking for clothes to wear outside of her uniform for the first time and something in her softens at how insistent Eden is on keeping certain parts of her body covered. Her siblings have scars too.

When they get to their home, Eden seems slightly surprised at the grandness of her home, but gets over it quickly, which Catherine almost expected. She hadn't looked at a single price tag as they'd been shopping and had paid for her bags of purchases with a nonchalance that spoke of a familiarity with money, although that leaves Catherine to wonder how she ended up in the military in the first place. She hadn't gotten a last name out of her, but Catherine is familiar with most military families, and she would have heard if any of their daughters had enlisted.

"Your bedroom is so pretty," Eden says, looking around at her pink, frilly room filled with flowers and clothes and gilded in gold with a soft wistfulness.

Catherine loves her. "Thank you. Here, sit at my vanity, let's play."

Eden laughs and pulls her hair out of the hasty ponytail she'd pulled it into, letting Catherine run her hands through it and carefully brush out every knot. It's gorgeous, thick and silky and the most wonderful shade that Catherine's never seen on anyone else.

People always act so oddly with her because of her family, even those similarly situated looking down at her for her choices, to be neither an officer nor married to one, but that's just not what she wants right now. It's nice to hang out with another girl that just treats her like a friend.

"MY BELOVED SISTER HAS RETURNED!" booms from what sounds like the first floor.

She sighs.

Eden goes rigid in her chair, eyes wide. "What - why-"

"It's just my brother," she says soothingly, concerned with how pale Eden has gotten. "He's harmless, really."

"Brother," Eden repeats. "Fuck. Fuck! I'm so stupid-"

"It's okay," she says in alarm, "Eden, what-"

She gets to her feet, grabbing her hands and looking at her a desperation that Catherine doesn't understand. "He can't know I'm here. Who I am. Do you understand? It's important."

She doesn't understand. "Eden-"

There's the sound of heavy footsteps heading their way and Eden wrenches herself away, bolting for the other side of the room. She claps her hands together, then presses them against the wall, and in flash of light she's disappeared.

Catherine stares. mouth agape.

She's familiar with alchemy. The skill has been passed down her family for generations.

Eden didn't use a circle.

"I HEAR YOU HAVE MADE A FRIEND, DEAR SISTER!" Alex shouts, flinging open her door and flexing in the doorway. "I WISH TO MEET YOUR NEW COMPANION!"

She picks up a pillow from her bed and lobs it at him, hitting him right in his stupid curl. "We're having girl time, go away!"

"Ah, girl time!" he says. "A storied tradition that has been passed down the Armstrong family for many generations!" He looks around, seeing her empty room, and his eyebrows dip together.

She grabs a makeup brush, holding it up threateningly. "You know what else has been passed down our family for generations? The art of knocking! Go bother Momma!"

"Where's," he starts.

Catherine throws the brush, pointy end towards his eyes.

He ducks, retreating to the safety of the hallway and closing the door just in time for the brush to hit it.

She takes a deep breath, calming her racing heart and smoothing her hands down her skirt. She crosses the room, knocking against the wall and whispering, "Eden? He's gone."

There's nothing for a moment and then there's light and heat and she's looking at the the inside of her house, pipes and insulation, and Eden standing there in the center of it, eyes blown wide and lips trembling.

Eden, who won't let her look at her limbs and doesn't know how to wear girly things and uses alchemy without circles and recognizes her brother from his voice alone.

"I'm sorry," Eden whispers, arms wrapped around herself, trying to make herself small. "I just wanted-"

Catherine interrupts her, reaching out to place her hand over the arm Eden had been careful not to let her touch and is unsurprised to feel hard, unyielding metal. "The art of secret keeping had been passed down the Armstrong family for generations."

Eden's eyes snap to hers and Catherine smiles, squeezing her arm and hopes that she can feel it. Slowly, wondrously, Eden returns it.

[local-crying-boy]

🅆🄰🄽🄳🄰 🄼🄰🅇🄸🄼🄾🄵🄵

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

𝕊𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕓����𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕤 𝕟𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕖𝕪𝕖𝕤

𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚝: "𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚎!"

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝙼𝚊𝚡𝚒𝚖𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚇 𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙾𝚗𝚎-𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝, 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝙷𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚗/𝙾𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚠𝚕𝚠, 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝙼𝚊𝚡𝚒𝚖𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙷𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎-𝚞𝚙, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 644

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"Stop moving, detka." Wanda said sternly, her eyes were narrowed and she had a make-up brush in her hand.

You were sitting on a chair in her room, constantly moving around every few seconds, having the urge to move around and do something active - you were never good at sitting still. Wanda was opposite you, Halloween make-up on the desk, a grin on her face whenever you made a slight face from the feeling.

"You're going to stab me in the eye with that brush, Wands." You said with a small scowl, flinching away when she moved the brush with a dark shade of red on it, which only caused an annoyed - yet playful - groan escape Wanda's lips.

You weren't initially going to let Wanda do your make-up, let alone even dress up for Halloween. It wasn't even your favourite holiday, in fact, it was one of the ones you disliked the most. You weren't sure if it was because you hated the idea of making the effort to dress up as something nothing remotely scary just to wear it for a few pointless hours, or if it was because you hated the non stop knocking that was always disrupting the peace in your apartment before you lived in the Avengers Compound.

But, how could you possibly say no to Wanda when she proposed the idea to do your make up? Especially when she had that giddy, genuine smile on her face that made your heart swell up with pure love and happiness?

Wanda had rolled her eyes at you, a smirk pulling at her lips. "I won't stab your eye. It's no where near your eye!"

"Well, well, actually." You corrected as your back straightened and you looked her straight in the eye. "I can't trust you with that after last week's baking."

Ah, yes, last week's baking session. You and Wanda were just trying to make some nice treats for the team because it was Autumn and you both were in the mood for some fresh, warm cookies. Of course, however, you ended up with half the flour on your clothes and some of the mixture on the floor and the walls, with Wanda being - almost - completely spared from the chaos.

Said 'chaos' being curtsy of Wanda. Or, well, Wanda and you. Though, being the oh-so-clearly innocent one of the team, you tried your best to not take any of the blame - seeing as you were the one covered in the mess, while Wanda remained perfectly clean.

"Last week was not my fault." Wanda objected with a fake gasp. "I think you forget who started that little fight."

"Little fight?" You questioned with a laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. "Wanda, love, I was not the one who was using their powers as an unfair advantage to get me completely covered in flour!"

She only gave a quick shrug, that stupid smile on her face completely making you want to lean in and kiss her. You were about to go through with the thought, leaning upwards to her lips to get her a quick peck.

However, Wanda wasn't having it, and simply pushed you back against the back of the chair with her hand on your shoulder. "Stop moving, I'm almost done."

"Hey!" You said with a laugh, looking up her with feigned look of sadness in your eyes. "You're going to stop me from kissing you now?"

She leaned her head down close to yours, you could feel her warm breath tickling your nose, and you could feel as the shivers travelled up your spine.

"Be patient." She whispered quietly, then moved away, a soft, gentle sigh escaping her mouth. "You're more restless than Pietro."

"Don't compare me with your twin." You scoffed out with a grin. "I'm better, obviously."

She laughed then, a real, eyes closed, mouth open, laugh. She shook her head, but eventually considered the statement and nodded. "Yeah. You are."

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Masterlist

[jpmarvel90]

Biggest Mistake

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Relationship: Natasha x Reader

Summary: Breaking up with Y/n when she got the offer to join the Avengers, Natasha cut all ties with her ex girlfriend. What will happen when she sees her many years later?

Word Count: 5856

Y/n's POV:

Hearing my beautiful daughters laugh was my favourite thing. She was 4 years old and the apple of my eye. I would do anything for her. This morning we were getting ready for our day out to the park. I had it all planned out, we were going to go to the play park and then my best friend was going to join us for a picnic by the pond where Mia would be able to feed the ducks after.

I had grabbed a couple of Mia's toys to keep her entertained and finish packing up all of the food ready to head out. Mia was excitedly sat in the lounge clinging onto her favourite teddy. It had been given to her by her Auntie Maria the day she was born, and she was never without it.

I walked over and bent down to pick up the excited 4 year old. "Are you ready for our adventure at the park princess?" I asked as she snuggled into my side. "I want to feed the duckies!" She squealed and it made my heart melt. "Ok, come on then, let's get going." I said, grabbing the cooler backpack of food and my bag.

We made out way down to the car and I strapped Mia in. As we drove, we sang along to our favourite Disney songs and in this moment, I was at my happiest. Mia was my entire world and to see her happy and healthy was the only thing I ever wanted in life.

Once we arrive, we quickly make our way over to the kids play area. It's a warm LA morning, perfect for everything we want to do today. Mia quickly makes her way over to the park and is running around trying everything she could. I sat on the bench next to the park and watched her as she enjoyed herself, happily joining in with the other kids as well.

I always felt that I wasn't quite enough for Mia. It was tough being a single mom, especially when Mia was a miracle child. You see, I used to work for SHIELD and was really good friends with Bruce Banner. I was good at science and worked with him in his lab on a number of occasions.

When I had started at SHIELD as a new agent, Natasha Romanoff had not long been recruited. We ended up moving through the ranks together and ended up in a relationship. I adored her and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with her. We were together for 4 years and had decided to start a family together. This is where Bruce came in.

One day when I was working in the lab with him, I had told him how Nat and I were looking to have a child and discussed the process of IVF. It was at this point he offered to look into a way that we could have a child that was biologically both of ours. When I told Natasha she was incredibly happy.

It took a few months before Bruce was able to perfect the procedure. Turns out that was the easy part. As Nat was unable to have kids, it was down to me carry the baby. We went through 8 tries and none were taking. There was no medical reason why, some would just not take, others would and then I would miscarry early on in the pregnancy.

Just as I had gone through the procedure for the ninth time, Nat was offered a place with the newly formed Avengers. I was so excited for her. No matter how much good she had done in the world, she always felt that she had to make up for her past. The Avengers would give her the perfect opportunity for that. What I didn't realise is that this would result in the end of our relationship.

I came home from work one evening and Nat had packed up all of her stuff and was sat waiting by the front door. "Nat, what's all this?" I asked nervously. "I'm leaving Y/n." She said shortly. It caught me so off guard. "I'm sorry what?" I said almost in a chuckle. "I need to focus all of my energy on working with the Avengers. I can't have any distractions anymore. I've packed all my stuff up. You can stay here as long as you want." She said in such a cold manner.

This wasn't the Nat I knew. I knew how ambitious she was with work, and I would never have stood in the way of that, she knew that. My heart was breaking that the woman that I loved more than anything in this world was leaving me. "Is this some sick joke? We're trying for a kid Natasha! You can't just leave." I yelled, my anger taking over.

"We've tried so many times and it's not working Y/n. It's clearly not meant to be. I can make a difference here and I can't do that if I'm being held back." She defended. That felt like a punch to the stomach. "Ok so maybe we can't have a kid this way, but we talked about adopting if it didn't work. What's changed Nat?" I asked, tears starting to fall down my face.

She stood up and grabbed her bags making her way to the door. "I don't love you anymore Y/n." Her words cut through me like a knife. There was no emotion. 4 years and this is how it all ends. I consider going after her, but I know Nat. When she has made up her mind, there is nothing you can do to change it.

I called my best friend Maria who was over within minutes. I knew Maria from my time at SHEILD. She had worked her way up to be Fury's second and I was incredible proud of her. She spent the evening cursing off Natasha and telling me I could do better.

Knowing that I couldn't bare to be around Nat after everything that had happened, I requested a transfer to the LA branch, much to Maria's frustration. Thankfully it was granted, and I was packed and moved within a week. Before I left, I went to visit Bruce for a check up after the finally attempt. My heart broke when Bruce told me that the initial test showed that it was likely that the attempt had been unsuccessful.

Usually, he would do the test a few weeks later than this as the test is more accurate, but as I was leaving, he agreed to do it early. I thanked him for all the effort he had gone through to try and help Nat and I have a kid. He was sorry for how everything had ended, and I promised to keep in touch.

I had been in LA for 6 weeks when I started to throw up and feel run down. I hadn't noticed that I had missed my period as everything had been so stressful with the breakup and subsequent move. Everything was pointing to the fact that I was pregnant, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I called Bruce and he flew out and met me at the lab in LA where he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant with Nat's baby. Well, this was awkward.

I tried to get into contact with Nat, but she blocked all my attempts to contact her. I even asked Maria to try to talk to her, but she was quickly shut down. I knew I wouldn't get back with Nat, but she had a right to know that she had a kid. After I exhausted all opportunities of telling her, I gave up and came to terms with being a single mom.

Maria was there for me the whole way and took a temporary transfer to LA to support me. I decided to leave SHIELD as it wasn't safe to have a job like that and a kid. Thankfully Bruce was able to set me up with a friend of his who gave me a job in their lab. I loved the job, and they were very understanding of my situation.

So now, here I am with my beautiful 4-year-old daughter, waiting for my best friend to join us for lunch. Mia looked a lot like me, apart for her green eyes and gorgeous smile. Her personality, however, was very much like Natasha's. She was smart, strong, stubborn but also incredible kind and loving. She was the best of both of us.

Mia had tired herself out on the play park, so we made our way to the pond. I found a good spot under a tree which provided us some shade from the afternoon sun. Whilst I was getting the food out of the cooler, I heard Mia call out. "AUNTIE MARIA!" I looked up to see Mia run full pelt at Maria who picked her up and spun her around. "Hi there little Monkey!" She greeted, walking over to join me on the picnic blanket.

Maria knelt down and placed Mia on the blanket and then lent over to pulled me in a hug, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Hi Y/n/n. You do not know how much I've been looking forward to this weekend." She said, laying flat on her back, letting out an exaggerated huff. "Work is manic as ever then?" I asked with a chuckle, passing her a plate.

She sat up and perked up when she saw the array of food in front of her. "It's just been endless missions since the fight in Sokovia. A weekend with my two favourite girls is well needed." She said, rolling over and giving Mia a tickle.  "Well, Mia couldn't wait for you to visit. I don't think you'll be getting a restful weekend!" I joked.

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating the rest of the food, feeding the ducks, and playing around in the park. We were all really tired from the running around, so the evening was spent watching movies and eating take out in our pyjamas. We were halfway through Toy Story when there was a knock at the door. "Are you expecting anyone?" Maria asked as we both peered up at the door. "No, I'm a lonely single mom, no one ever visits me." I respond.

I pull myself up from the sofa to answer the door and chuckle as Maria makes her way to her bag to grab her gun. "Seriously Maria, please don't shot my neighbours." I tease, which just earns an eye roll. Unclipping the chain and turning the lock, I'm frozen to the spot as I open the door and see the person stood in front of me. "Hi Y/n."

Nat's POV:

5 years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I broke up with the woman that I was madly in love with. But at the time, I thought it was the right decision. As soon as I was offered a place with the Avengers initiative, I knew it was a chance to help clear my ledger. It was an opportunity I couldn't say no to, and I thought that it was something I couldn't do along side being in a loving relationship with a kid.

I was heartbroken when all of our tries for a child had been unsuccessful. But I guess it was all a blessing in disguise. I lied when I told Y/n that I didn't love her anymore. But I knew it was the only way to make her not fight for me. I stupidly put work first without even entertaining the idea of being able to juggle both. It's so stupid when I see Clint do it with relative ease.

At first Y/n left me alone and I was gratefully for that. But then about 2 months after she kept trying to get a hold of me. I ignored or blocked every method she used to talk to me. I had to focus. Maria even tried to talk to me, but I quickly told her to back off, not wanting to hear it.

It wasn't until the battle of New York, that I realised the mistake that I had made. At the beginning, I was able to bury myself in work and ignore all my feelings. But when I saw the apartment block that Y/n and I shared, get flattened, I realised that I had no idea where she was or if she was even safe. It gave me this feeling of complete helplessness. I felt sick to my stomach at the thoughts of something happening to her.

After we won, I tried to find her, but she had left SHIELD and New York. I regretted that I had ever let her go. She was the most incredible person I had ever met. I just wish I had put her first all those years ago like she did me.

Wanda, Steve and I had been sent on a recon mission in LA. There was a possible Hydra agent living a normal life waiting for his moment to attack. He had a wife and kids, and we were going to find out as much info as we could. We had been here for a week and were now staking him out at the park with his family. Whilst Steve was jogging around, Wanda and I were sat at the café by the pond. We had spent a couple hours observing their movements and were getting ready to leave when Wanda grabbed my arm.

"Oh my God is that Y/n?" She said in shock. I looked over to where she was staring and sure enough, there was Y/n setting up a picnic blanket under a tree. My heart then stopped when I saw he pick up a little girl and place her on the mat. I couldn't speak, my feet were rooted to the spot.

Wanda was able to pull me in the direction a bench where we could sit and observe her. She looked amazing. It looked like she hadn't aged at all in the last 5 years. Her hair was her natural brown colour which looked really good. When we were together, she always had her hair dyed blonde. I was trying to work out the relationship that Y/n had to the child. I couldn't see the child very well, but she looked similar to Y/n.

It broke my heart to think that she has probably gotten married and had a family of her own now. I had missed my chance. "AUNTIE MARIA!" We heard the little child shout. That's when we noticed Agent Hill making her way over to the duo. Wanda and I both sat there shocked. I knew that Y/n and Maria were best friends, but why didn't Maria tell me Y/n had a family?

We watched as they ate and then started to chase each other around. By this point Steve had joined us and had the same reaction that we did. Y/n was currently "it" and was chasing the little girl around who was giggle. God that's a cute laugh. As Y/n caught her she started tickling her causing the child to yell out "STOP IT MAMA!" And there it was. It was her daughter. They looked happy. I guess that's what was important.

After Y/n had left the park, we remained on the bench. I couldn't bring myself to move so both Steve and Wanda stayed with me to comfort me. They both knew how much I wanted to try and reconcile with Y/n over the last few years. "She must have moved on pretty quickly if she's got a kid that old." Steve said with a slightly judgemental tone.

It was in the moment that it clicked. "How old would you say she is?" I asked. They both guessed around 4 and that was exactly the answer I didn't want. "Oh my God. I need to call Bruce." I said in a panic. I fumbled around in my pocket and dialled his number. It rang a couple of times before he answered.

Bruce: Hi Nat, how's the mission going?

Nat: Boring, but that's not the reason I'm calling.

I was very short on the phone. I had a feeling that he had been hiding things from me and I just wanted to know the truth.

Bruce: Ok. Straight to business. What is it you need?

I took a deep breath before asking my question.

Nat: Did Y/n carry on trying to have a baby after we broke up?

I rushed the question out and my heart was pounding whilst I waited for his response.

Bruce: No she didn't.

His answer was short and didn't help me at all until my slow mind started to catch up.

Nat: It was successful, wasn't it? The last time we tried.

I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes as Steve and Wanda sat with confused looks on their faces.

Bruce: Yes. But Nat, you shouldn't be having this conversation with me.

Nat: Then who am I meant to have it with. I've got a kid I didn't know about. How could she not tell me?!

I shouted down the phone, my anger filling me. I couldn't believe that she was pregnant, and she didn't tell me. I had a right to know that I had a kid.

Bruce: Nat, she tried to tell you but you shut down every form of communication with her. You even told Maria that you didn't want anything to do with her and that nothing would change your mind. I understand that you're angry, but you left Y/n. She's had to deal with this all on her own for the last 4 years because the person she was in love with decided she didn't love her any more.

I hadn't heard Bruce get frustrated like this before. Him and Y/n were close and he had gone out of his way to help us when we were trying to have kids. He was right. I had shut her out. I had no one to blame but myself.

Nat: Do you know where she lives?

Bruce: Nat, I don't think that's...

Nat: No Bruce, I need to try and make it right. Please just give me her address.

Bruce: Fine, but if you hurt her even more Nat, I'll make sure you don't get any opportunity to be in that kids life.

Nat: I promise you Bruce, I never want to hurt her again.

I hung up and was met by a text from Bruce with Y/n's address. I looked up and saw Wanda and Steve looking at me waiting for answers. "The little girl...she's mine." I whispered, tears now starting to fall. I heard Wanda let out a small gasp. "What are you going to do?" Steve asked, whilst Wanda placed her arm around my shoulder. "I need to go and see her. Can I take some time this evening?" I asked Steve.

He quickly nodded. "Of course, Wanda and I can write the report and if needed, do the stake out tomorrow. You focus on Y/n and your daughter." He smiled. That felt weird. My daughter. But what if Y/n doesn't want me in their life. I've not exactly done anything to deserve it.

Later that evening I pull up at the house in the suburbs. I'm incredibly nervous, what if she just slams the door in my face? Plucking the small amount of courage that I have I make my way up the pathway to the door. I ring the bell and hear muffled talking from inside. When Y/n opens the door, she looks like she's seen a ghost. "Hi Y/n." Is all I'm able to get out.

We stand in the doorway for a moment before Y/n seems to snap out of her trance. "What are you doing here Natasha?" She asked. Her voice was cold. "I-uh. Could we talk?" I asked tentatively. She sighed but nodded. Moving away from the door she gestured for me to come in. I noticed that Agent Hill was stood in the hallway, her gun clutched in her hand and her jaw clenched.

"Maria, can you take Mia upstairs please?" Y/n asked to which Hill complied with instantly. Mia, what a beautiful name. Hill made her way to the sofa and picked up the little girl, making her way upstairs. I wanted nothing more than to get a proper look at her and to hold her, but I knew I had to earn that. I turned my attention to Y/n who had made her way into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Want one?" She asked holding one out in my direction. "Thanks." I said as I grabbed it, cracking open the top. The silence was awkward. I hadn't seen Y/n since the day since we broke up and I missed her and her touch. "I'm sorry." I mumble. Y/n looks up at me from her seat at the kitchen island. She doesn't say anything, clearly waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath. "I made a big mistake when I left you. I was so focused on making up for everything in my past that I gave up the one thing that I had ever loved." I started, but Y/n just laughed. "I know you have no reason to believe me but I never stopped loving you. I only said I didn't to make the breakup easier for me. I've been trying to find you since the battle of New York, but when I realised how you were gone, I accepted that I had to let you go." I said, with sorrow in my voice.

I can't get a read on Y/n. I have always been able to understand what she is feeling but in this moment, I have no idea. "So why are you here now?" She asked, taking a swig of her beer. "To be honest it was a coincidence, but I'm so happy it happened. We were on a stake out in the park when I saw you there with um, with your daughter." I briefly explained, hesitating when bringing up Mia. "Y/n I never should have left you and I certainly should never have shut you out when you tried to get into contact." I said, trying to convey how sorry I was. "If I had known why I would have come to you straight away." I carried on.

"But would you have stayed had you known? The day you left, you made it pretty clear that having a family would have been an inconvenience to you." Y/n spoke calmly. I couldn't answer her, she was right. "Her name is Mia by the way. She was born on the 9th of July, weighing 6 pounds 3 ounces. I was in labour for 18 hours. She is the best thing in my life. In fact, the best thing to ever happen in my life. You missed out on that." She said, getting up and moving into the lounge.

I got up and followed her like a lost puppy. She was right, I had missed out on so much. "When I saw you in the park earlier, you looked happy. I thought that you had found someone else and started a family. That felt like a dagger to my heart. But when I found out she was mine, I felt so incredible happy. It was short lived though when I remembered that I had missed out on the first 4 years of her life." I said through tears. "I should have been there for you during your pregnancy getting all of your cravings. I should have been there holding your hand whilst you were in labour and I should have been there to watch her grow up. I will forever hate myself for missing that."

Y/n looked up at me. "What is it that you want Nat?" She asked almost frustrated. "You." I said without a hesitation.  "I want you and to be in Mia's life. For us to be a family."  Y/n just scoffed. "You can be apart of her life if that's something you want." "And us?" I asked hopefully. "There isn't an us Natasha. You broke my heart. You can't just walk in here and expect me to turn around and jump back into a relationship with you. But I will never stop you seeing you daughter if that's what you want."

I did want Mia in my life. But I want us to be a family. I love Y/n with ever fibre of my being, and I decide that I am going to do everything in my power to fix this so we can be that family we had always planned to be. "Of course, I want to be in her life. But I'm going to fight for you too. I was stupid 5 years ago. Give me a chance and I'll show you how much I still love you." Y/n shook her head at my words.

"I don't know Nat." She started. I quickly made my way in front of her. I was on my knees holding her hands in my mine, tears falling down my face. "You are the love of my life. I should have put you first instead of my own desire for redemption. I know what I did was terrible and I can't take it back. But I'll show to you that I can be the best Mom and, eventually, partner that you deserve. Please, just let me fight for you." I plead gripping her hands tightly.

I notice that Y/n is crying but she quickly pulls her hand away to wipe the tears. She doesn't answer me but instead asks a question I've been dying for. "Do you want to meet your daughter?" The biggest smile came across my face. "Yes, please, I would love to." Y/n called out to Maria to bring Mia down. I stood up and wiped my face and then straightened out my clothes. Y/n met them at the bottom of the stairs picked Mia up.

My heart was pounding in my chest as Y/n got closer. She placed Mia on the floor and knelt down to her height. "Mia, do you remember when I told you about your other Mom?" She asked. Mia nodded and rubbed at her tired eyes. "Yes Mama. You said she was saving the world." I smiled, at the thought that Y/n had talked about me, making my heart grow. "Well, she's finally come home, and she would like to meet you now. Is that ok?" Again, Mia nodded and Y/n turned her to face me.

"Natasha, this is your daughter Mia." I walked over, trying to fight the tears threatening to fall. "Hi Sweetheart. I'm your Mommy." I said in a whisper. Mia reached out and put her cute little hand on my cheek. Finally getting a good look at her, I can see how much she looks like Y/n. She is beautiful, just like her Mama. But her eyes, it's like looking into my own. "Hi, my name is Mia and I'm 4." She said in a cute little voice.

I laugh at her introduction as does Y/n. "Well, aren't you a big girl. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier." I said starting to cry. Mia leaned forward and wiped away my tears which only made them fall harder. "Don't cry Mommy." "Can I give you a hug?" I asked, also giving Y/n a quick glance for her approval. Mia held her arms open, and I picked her up and held her closer to me.

This was the best feeling in the world. Holding my daughter for the first time. "I love you dorogoy. I promise I'm going to be here for you for the rest of your life." I give her a squeeze and then pull away slightly so I can look at her again. I can't believe I have a daughter.

I spend the next couple of weeks in LA. I stayed at a hotel, so I didn't overwhelm Mia or overcrowd Y/n. I saw them both everyday and I loved every minute of it. Y/n was incredible, and it only made me want to fix things even more. I knew these next few months would be difficult. I couldn't just leave the Avengers as I had a contract, so I was heading back to New York.

It was my last night in LA and I was sat at Y/n's cleaning up after she had cooked us and amazing meal. I really missed her cooking. Whilst I was washing up Y/n lent up against the counter. "I've been thinking about the future." Y/n said, causing a bit of anxiety to creep in. "Ok." I reply, drying my hands on the towel giving her my full attention.

"Mia has loved seeing you every day the past couple of weeks. But not knowing when she'll see you again is difficult. I think she is worried she won't see you again." Y/n started. I went to interrupt but she held out her hand. "No, let me finish. You've already missed out on so much of her life, it's not fair that you miss out on more. So I wanted to know what you would think if we moved back to New York so you could still see Mia around your work schedule?" Y/n asked, her eyes dropping to her hands.

The biggest grin was on my face. I couldn't believe that she was willing to do that. "I would love that. It would be amazing to have you both near me all the time. But I don't want you to uproot your life for me." I said, understanding that she has created a life for herself here in. "LA has never been home for me Natasha. I ran because I couldn't bare to see you everyday with work. Then the little booger came along and my life remained here. You deserve to have her in your life as much as me. Besides, I may have already spoken to Bruce who offer me a job in his lab...."

I couldn't contain my excitement when she said that. I couldn't control my actions and I rushed to Y/n picking her up and twirling her around. As I placed her on the floor I leaned in a placed a gentle kiss on her lips. I quickly came to my senses and pulled away. "I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't have done that." I stuttered. Y/n is just stood there slightly shellshocked. "No, you're ok. That was, uh, that was nice. Just unexpected"

We both giggle whilst still stood close to each other. "I meant what I said a few weeks ago. I want us to be a family. You have been doing this on your own when I should have been by your side. I can't change the past but I can affect the future. You both deserve it. I know it's going to take time, but I love you Y/n. I want us to have the house we always talked about and maybe a brother or sister for Mia in the future. I don't expect you to say yes now, but I hope that you can see how serious I am and that I'm all in for this to work." I run off a mini speech, wanting to express all of the feelings that I have.

I notice that Y/n eyes have gone glossy. "I wanted to hate you when you left me. But when I held Mia in my arms the first time, all I wanted was you beside me. When I failed to get in contact with you again, I closed myself off, believing that it was always going to just be me and Mia. I want to be mad and angry at you, but then I see you with Mia and it reminds me of when we used to stay up late talking about the family we wanted. You're right, I can't jump right back in, but I want us to get back to where we were. Mia deserves to live in a happy and loving home." Y/n's words warm my heart knowing that I still have a chance to have my family.

I step closer to Y/n and take her hand in mine. "We go at your pace. When you get to New York, we'll work out a routine that's best for Mia and go from there ok?" She nods and I can't help but to lean forward and capture her lips again. This time, she kisses back. My hands raise up to her neck, my thumb gently caressing her jawline whilst hers rest on my waist.

Our kiss is short lived though when we hear little footsteps running down the stairs. "Mama, Mommy, can you read me a story pwease?!" Mia shouts as she reaches the bottom of the stairs. Y/n and I quickly pull away and let out a chuckle. "Of course Princess, we'll be right there." Y/n replies, whilst we don't break eye contact. I am going to marry this woman.

Y/n and Mia moved back to New York and I shared my time between the compound and Y/n's. As well as spending time with Mia to make up for lost time, I also started to take Y/n out on dates again. I wanted to do things right and decided to start from scratch. When the Avengers found out about Mia they were all excited to become Aunties and Uncles. Wanda was particularly amazing as she would happily watch Mia whilst I worked to win Y/n back.

After 6 months Y/n and I were officially back together and I moved out of the compound to live with her and Mia. A year later I proposed, and we married in a small ceremony with our family and friends 2 months after and then we found the perfect house down by the lake outside the city but still close enough for us to work.

Now I'm sat on the porch watching Mia run around after Wanda, who was a frequent visitor. "Here you go love." Y/n said whilst handing me a beer. I quickly jumped out of my seat, "Here let me help you. You should be resting" I said as I guided Y/n to the space next to me on love seat. "You don't need to fuss Nat. I'm pregnant not crippled." She joked as she huffed taking he weight of her feet.

I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me, resting my hand on her bump. "Thank you for giving me everything I ever could have asked for." I whisper in to her hair as I place a small kiss. Y/n turned to look at me, her eyes full of love. "Thank you for coming back to us." She said in response. In this moment I was complete.

[onceuponastory]

twelve minutes - bucky barnes x reader

But for now we stay so far 'Til our lonely limbs collide I can't keep you in these arms So I'll keep you in my mind - you and i by PVRIS

Plot: Almost a year after their breakup, Y/N sees Bucky Barnes again. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (past) Warnings: Mentions of a breakup and heartbreak, angst without a happy ending. Bucky being a shitty boyfriend. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know! Notes: So You and I by PVRIS, one of my favourite songs ever, turned 8 on Friday, and I had to write another fic for it to celebrate (please ignore I'm a few days late) so here we are!

Not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.

One night, Y/N stands outside the Avengers tower in the cold New York air. A chilly wind blows, and she shivers. She can still hear the party inside, the muffled music and laughter. Maybe she should just go inside? Isn't that better than being out here, alone and in the cold? 

But just as she’s about to turn back, she shakes her head. She didn’t even want to come tonight. Although the Avengers are still her friends, a party attended by her ex, Bucky Barnes, was not the ideal way to spend her night. But Natasha whined and begged for her to come, promising her she’d have a good time and it wouldn’t be that awkward. Unfortunately, it was just as awkward as Y/N expected. In fact, it was worse.

Sure, people still spoke to her, but she could tell they all had one question on their lips, one she was not willing to answer: "So, when are you and Bucky getting back together?"

And so, Y/N left. She types on her phone, ordering an Uber to take her home. Sighing, she wraps her jacket around herself as another chilly wind blows. Soon, she’ll be home and can eat her sorrows in ice cream. 

“Leaving so soon?” A familiar voice asks. One that Y/N was hoping not to hear tonight. 

“Hey Bucky.” He looks different from the last time she saw him, almost a year ago, now. Just over ten months, in fact. Not that she’s counting or anything. He’s bulkier, no doubt an effect of Steve’s constant early morning runs. Each time he left their bed, he promised to come back, kissing her cheek softly. Even now, her skin tingles just thinking about it. Bucky smiles, brushing some of his longer hair out of his face. 

He looks good. 

He looks great, actually. She can’t deny it - he still looks as attractive ever. Deep down, something registers in her gut. It’s a strong, passionate longing feeling, the same one she used to have whenever she thought of Bucky. One that she thought disappeared a long time ago. But seeing him now is reigniting that feeling. Desperately, she tries to bury it.

“Good to see you again.” He murmurs, a sign that he’s feeling just as awkward as she is. After all, how often do you run into your ex at a party you didn’t even want to go to? “Nat never said you were coming.” He looks around, a brow raised. “Where’s that boyfriend of yours? She said he’s a lawyer.” Of course she fucking did. She’s going to kill her next time she sees her. “Can’t imagine he’d pass up a moment to spend time with you.”

“We um. We broke up. Well, he dumped me for his secretary, actually. So… yeah.” She’s immediately embarrassed, not meaning to spill her heartbreak to anyone, let alone Bucky fucking Barnes, her ex of all people. Honestly, part of her reasoning for coming tonight and hopefully dragging Harry along with her was to make Bucky jealous, show him that their breakup wasn’t affecting her that badly. 

And look how well that turned out. 

But her wounds are still raw. Perhaps, after suppressing her feelings for so long, she simply needed to release and express her frustration and pain to someone. And Bucky just happens to be the one she’s letting it out to, the welcome respite she’s needed for so long. That's how things used to be between them. Whenever something was wrong, Y/N and Bucky relied on each other for comfort. They would spend hours in each other’s arms, talking about their problems until they felt better. Y/N still aches for that comforting grasp, even now.

But now, things are different. Including her and Bucky.

Especially her and Bucky.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” He sighs. “I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?” 

“It’s okay.” She lies, but knows that if she dwells on it too long, she’ll start sobbing in front of him. Her chest tightens in an all too familiar way. This is what people like Bucky Barnes do. They come into your life and leave a mark. Once they’re gone, you work so hard to heal yourself and make a new life, and then they come back in and destroy everything all over again. And she won’t put herself through that again.

“Looking back on it now, we just weren’t a good fit. Or at least, he didn’t like me as much as I liked him.” The heat on her cheeks deepens, as if she’s embarrassed to admit falling in love with and getting her heart broken by someone like her ex. To admit that she subjected herself to so much pain and heartbreak yet again. But thankfully, Bucky doesn’t mention it. 

“Honestly, it’s his loss. You deserve better.”

“Thanks.” And again, silence envelops them. She wonders if he’ll start talking about their breakup, or continue ignoring the enormous elephant in the room. And honestly…. she doesn’t know which she’d rather have. To lay everything out in the open, or just ignore it all again, pretending everything is fine. When her eyes drift back to him, he’s not looking at her anymore, and despite how angry she was at Bucky for what happened, and how much she likes to kid herself that she doesn’t care about Bucky anymore, it still stings.

Deep down, she wants him to want her, like she wants him. To still want her, even now.

“Can we talk?” He asks suddenly. She already hates the idea of being forced to spend time with another ex so soon after losing another relationship, but there’s not much else she can do. And honestly…. She misses Bucky a lot.

“Sure. You have….” she peers down at her phone screen, the light illuminating the space. “Twelve minutes.” Bucky raises a brow.

“Twelve? That’s very… specific.” He chuckles awkwardly. Y/N doesn’t laugh. 

“It’s how long until my Uber arrives.” 

“Oh.” There’s disappointment lacing his tone, which Y/N picks up on. She stares at him, waiting for his response. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what happened between us.” 

“Okay. Me too.” She nods. Bucky raises a brow. 

“...That’s it? Y-You’re not going to say anything?”

“What can I say? You said that you’re sorry for how it ended, and so am I.” She shrugs. “There’s no point in beating ourselves up, Bucky. We just never worked out. You were always too busy, and after a while I just stopped waiting for you. The fights got too much, and we just stopped loving one another.” Honestly, she never stopped loving him. But it’s better to lie and tell him that the feeling is mutual than waste all her tears on someone who actually stopped loving her. She stopped being important to him and was no longer the key priority in his life. Missions were his priority, followed by dinners, drinks, and world trips with teammates - things she stopped being invited to. As an Avenger, he can't refuse to save the world, but she thought she mattered to him. Realising she didn't hurt her deeply.

So one day, she decided enough was enough, and… it was over. And she’s missed him terribly since then.

“You really think I stopped loving you?” Bucky frowns. There’s a strange mix of guilt and accusation in his tone. Y/N nods. “Well, I didn’t. I never stopped.”

Y/N gasps, and his revelation makes her heart pound. What if this is a good sign? A chance for them to make things right? “I thought you did. I thought you stopped caring.” For a moment, she wonders how he’ll react, if he’ll take her into his arms again, and whisper sweet nothings. Maybe they’ll finally make things right.

Instead, he turns defensive. “I didn’t. And it’s not all my fault, you know. I did try to make it home to you, but you didn’t understand how busy I was sometimes.” He snaps, sending a fresh strike of pain through her already damaged heart and destroying all hope she ever had of them rekindling their relationship.. 

“You had a funny way of showing it.” She retorts, rolling her eyes. Anger flows through her veins, overtaking her last shred of guilt. Why is it her who has to fix things first? To be the villain, the one who has to admit that they’re in the wrong? Angry and bitter tears sting at her eyes. “But yeah, whatever. It’s my fault our relationship fell apart.”

Immediately, Bucky regrets his words. “Look, that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.” He hates that this is what they’ve come to now, unable to speak to one another without anger, bitterness and hurt feelings. But maybe this is a chance to make things right? A whole twelve…well, probably ten minutes, now. “And I’m sorry if it seemed I wasn’t trying hard enough. I loved you a lot.” He sighs. “I still do.”

“I never stopped either.” She admits, and Bucky’s eyes widen.

“Really?” He gasps. “W-Well, do you wanna get a drink somewhere? Or some dinner?”

“Wait.” She raises a hand, cutting him off. She sighs. “Not tonight.”

“Tomorrow? I’ll wait. We can go whenever you want.” He urges. But Y/N just can’t ignore the feeling deep inside her, of guilt and apprehension. What if she lets him back in and it happens all over again? If she gives him all of her heart and gets it back broken, yet again? She’s already been through two heartbreaks in this lifetime, and she can’t go through that pain again.

Especially not one caused by Bucky. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” She whispers, biting her bottom lip. Bucky frowns, confused.

“What do you mean? W-Why not?”

“Because I can’t do this again.” She whimpers, her voice cracking. “Our break up destroyed me, and I’ve just been through another one. Another break up between us would actually finish me off.” She shakes her head. “Maybe one day we can talk…but not now.”

Bucky opens his mouth, ready to speak. But he nods. “I understand.” He sighs. He keeps his gaze on her, his blue eyes imploring and hopeful. Suddenly, the sound of an engine approaches. Y/N sighs. “Guess my twelve minutes are up.” Bucky chuckles nervously.

“Goodnight Bucky.” She says, getting into the car and closing the door. He watches her go, looking crestfallen. She looks out of the window, locking eyes with him.

“You okay?” The driver asks. “Need a minute?” Y/N’s heart aches, and her chest aches. 

“No.” she murmurs. “You can keep driving.” And then they pull away, and Bucky fades into the distance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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[saintsenara]

a duo i'd love to hear your thoughts on: bellatrix & harry (or even bellatrix/harry)

thank you very much for the ask, pal! an extremely interesting duo to think about.

and, obviously, the thing we have to immediately acknowledge is that harry thinks bellatrix is hot. he's always going on about her heaving breasts and shiny hair [and shiny hair is something he does seem to have a thing for throughout canon - hence why he spends one of his owl exams staring at parvati's], and she's definitely his "hear me out" candidate...

[i think if he's forced by ron to play fuck, marry, kill about the black sisters... he's fucking bella. he's depressed for weeks when he realises.]

more seriously, though, the thing which really stands out in harry and bellatrix's canonical relationship is that he sees her primarily as a catalyst - and, above all, primarily as a catalyst for loss - but in a way which feels strangely impersonal given the profundity of this loss to him.

she kills sirius - but harry can't summon up the rage to use the cruciatus curse against her [even though he can against amycus carrow, whom he has never met and whose crime is the considerably more minor spitting at mcgonagall]. she almost kills ginny - and harry "changes course at once" to try and protect her - but the person who gets there first and who finishes bellatrix off is molly.

and while i don't think this is strange because i think molly wouldn't have the skills to duel bellatrix, i do think it's fairly strange narratively. bellatrix's death mirrors sirius' to such an extent - right down to the fact that she dies laughing - that it would have been an interesting conceit to have harry avenging his godfather by standing in as sirius' surrogate for a repeat of the duel before the veil, which then allows sirius to be avenged when the outcome is reversed...

[although what i do like about the molly-bellatrix duel in canon is that voldemort ends up in the position his narrative mirror, harry, is in during the sirius-bellatrix duel - watching the one person he thought would never abandon him die.]

and so harry sees bellatrix as an agent of chaos - and he utterly loathes her - but he also sees the chaos she causes as, fundamentally, voldemort's fault. he views her as a puppet, a tool, a pawn - as so totally enamoured by the dark lord that she lacks any capacity for critical thinking - rather than ever seeming to understand her as her own person.

[him taunting her in order of the phoenix by pointing out voldemort's a half-blood always stands out to me when thinking about this - lucius malfoy isn't shocked at all by the revelation, but bellatrix is. it underlines the point made by her behaviour at her trial, which harry witnesses in goblet of fire - that her loyalty to voldemort is so absolute that it makes her deluded, and that she exists for him rather than for herself.]

equally, bellatrix clearly sees him as just a thing - an annoyance which voldemort just needs to eradicate - rather than a person.

and so i think that one of the very interesting "harry and bellatrix actually having to get to know each other" questions is what journey they would go on in order to understand the other as a real person. my favourite iteration of this - as i've said here - is to write bellatrix's non-battlefield personality as surprisingly similar to tonks', and to have harry having to face the fact that a woman he hates could be so much like a woman he adores. you can also obviously do the same with him having to realise she's very like sirius.

and her having to realise that harry is very like voldemort.

because the other thing which i think is fascinating about thinking about harry and bellatrix is that the best parallel for hinny in the text isn't ron and hermione, and nor is it james and lily...

it's bellamort.

i believe that harry's canonical love for ginny is completely genuine - and i accept that by the epilogue they will have settled into a relationship with a more equal dynamic - but it's very striking in the pre-epilogue canon that the power dynamic between the two is very much unequal.

harry's narrative purpose means that he has to be set apart from all others - even ron and hermione - in order for him to properly function as the encapsulation of all that is good [and as the series' allegory for christ]. as a result, he tends to interact with other characters either as people he needs to protect, or as people he needs to protect others from.

and we see this in his relationship with ginny at the end of half-blood prince, when he breaks up with her for - what he sees as - her own protection, in the belief that being associated with him will put her at risk from voldemort.

harry believes that separating himself from her is sufficient to bring ginny this protection, he never considers her to have the talent to fight voldemort herself - even though he acknowledges her as a skilled fighter elsewhere in the text - and he spends much of deathly hallows believing that he has guaranteed ginny's safety. he thinks of hogwarts as a safe-haven throughout his time on the horcrux hunt - and he is genuinely shocked to discover how bad the carrows' regime has been when he arrives at the castle immediately prior to the battle - and he treats ginny's role as a resistance leader in her own right [such as her attempt to steal the sword of gryffindor] as, essentially, a bit of a laugh.

for her part, ginny is set up in the text as ferociously loyal to harry - "i never gave up on you" - and as someone whose company he desires and values in a distinct way, but whose relationship with him is unbalanced by the paternalistic vibe of their power dynamic. harry is more honest with her than with many other people, for example, but he still doesn't tell her anything about the horcruxes, the prophecy, or the fact that he has to walk into the forest to die.

and this is exactly the same as bellatrix and voldemort.

bellatrix is clearly justified in saying that voldemort considers her his "favourite" - and he does behave towards her in ways which are meaningfully different from his treatment of his other death eaters. but their dynamic is still hugely unbalanced by the fact that voldemort is also required by the narrative to be singular - the literal embodiment of evil - and that this drives his secrecy about his true self. bellatrix is also treated by voldemort as someone whose role in his mission against harry is his to dictate, safe in the knowledge that she would never give up on him either, and who can be similarly kept in the dark about the horcruxes or the prophecy [although he clearly views this as for his, rather than her, protection].

deathly hallows, in particular, is full of explicit comparisons between the two couples. ginny trying to steal the sword leads to bellatrix giving away that there's a horcrux in her vault. ginny living while bellatrix dies [because of motherly love!] is the opener to harry living while voldemort dies [because of motherly love!]. and - of course - there's this in the forest...

Everything was waiting. Hagrid was struggling, and Bellatrix was panting, and Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his. 

as i've said elsewhere, i think it's entirely possible to write voldemort as quite fond of ginny on the basis of her canonical similarity to bellatrix. and so the reverse must apply - harry can be written as fond of bellatrix on the basis of her similarity to ginny.

which means i also think - if you're so inclined - that the toxic wife-swap would genuinely work.

[lizzieislife94x]

New Recruit (w.m)

Requested ❤️

Wanda G!PxFem Reader

Let's say its set in age of ultron era

 Y/ns POV:

I lay in bed curled up staring at the wall I've been here for a while but still feel super uncomfortable I still don't speak to anyone I can't seem to come out of my shell and let any of them in except one Wanda Maximoff she's the only avenger I've spent time with or spoke to she makes me feel safe and comfortable when anyone else tries to speak to me I just look at the floor and play with my fingers they all understand and I'm greatful but I prefer to stay in my room alone, I'm suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by a knock at my door, I don't make an attempt to answer it I stay where I am until I hear her voice in my head "y/n sweetie it's only me it's wanda can I come in please I know you're there I can hear your thoughts they're so loud honey" I close my eyes enjoying her voice as I roll out of bed and walk to the door opening it slowly looking at wanda then the floor with a shy smile I step back indicating for her to come in she gladly steps in and skips to my bed with a huge smile "hey" I whisper low as walk towards the bed pulling my jumper over my hands nervously I sit at my side of the bed and bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs looking at the witch sitting opposite of me "hey how are you feeling tonight still not ready to talk to the rest of the guys yet" I look down and shake my head no she scoots closer to me and rubs my arm I take a deep breath and look at her "you're the only person I feel comfortable with the only person I want to talk to"

I confess playing with the bottom of my pants as she smiles pulling me into a tight hug catching me off guard I instantly relax into her hold on me and let out a content sigh I slightly turn my head and take a deep breath smelling her vanilla scent she smells so good oh god I hear her giggle and rub my back I wrap my arms around her wanting to be as close as possible to her thankful for any skin on skin contact I can get "this is nice " she whispers as her hand moves to my hair playing with it ever so gently I just nod in agreement, both of us sitting in a comfortable silence for a minute "hey how about I go get some snacks tell no one to bother us order some take out and we lay like this and watch movies?" I can't help but smile against her neck "yes please that would be amazing" I roll off her so she can go get snacks and stuff while I sit on the bed watching her leave, uh god this woman has my heart and she doesn't even know it how can I be madly inlove with her, I shake my head and smile she's so understanding and patient with me all the small things she does like what she just done makes my heart melt she could be hanging out with everyone else having fun doing whatever they're doing but instead she came to me to see if I was OK to spend time with me to make sure I was feeling fine shes so perf... "ok I got chips, chocolates soda and water some popcorn some nerds some airheads and some nerd ropes"

she says with a huge grin making me smile wide as she runs to the bed throwing all the snacks down "you're amazing all my favourites" I smile feeling my cheeks flush red "anything for you princess, I also told everyone to stay away the rest of the night and I ordered your favourite Chinese food" I feel my eyes water and quickly wrap my arms around her holding her tight "thank you" I simply whisper as she wraps her arms around me and leaves a little kiss on my shoulder but I brush it off and pull away leaning in to grab some snacks as she playfully slaps my hand "don't dare you need proper food before junk food" god her tone is serious but playful making me swallow harshly "you're right I'm sorry" she giggles pushing me gently as we start looking for movies I let wanda choose because I don't mind what we watch I just want to be with her.

after an hour Jarvis announces that our food has arrived "ill get it princess" she says as she goes to walk out I chock on air as the word slips past her mouth before I know it she's back with our food and I smile "I'm starving" I say as she agrees with me "me too princess" there it is again the pet name I feel my cheeks turn bright red as I start to eat we eat in a comfortable silence occasionally looking at eachother giggling at nothing after 10 minutes I put my food down shortly followed by wanda"ohhh god I'm so stuffed" I say as I let out a breath wanda almost spits her food out making me look at her with a confused look "are you ok wands" I say putting my hand on her thigh as she nods "it just uhh..it went down the wrong pipe" I giggle and clear the bed before pulling back the covers "wait let me get changed into comfortable clothes do you want some shorts and tee wanda" I say looking at her she smiles and nods after I find clothes I pass wanda shorts that where short and a tee i proceed to go to the bathroom to change into my own Shorts and tee when I walk back into the room I can't take my eyes off her holy shit my eyes run over her body multiple times and my eyes keep getting pulled back to the huge bulge in the shorts that's visible I take my eyes off not wanting to make her uncomfortable I can feel her eyes running over my body as I climb into bed wanda following my lead I can't help but feel excited I'll be able to feel her skin pressed against mine during the whole movie, we press play as wanda pulls me into a hug intertwining our legs I lay on her chest my hand resting on her lower stomach I didn't even notice where I placed it, we cuddle comfortably during the first half of the movie wandas hand is under my tee tickling my back making it hard to concentrate on the movie roughly 10 minutes later a spicy part starts to play making my cheeks heat up oh god I keep my eyes on the screen and let out a low moan as the scene continues to play I feel her pull me closer my leg going over her hips as she does both of us keeping our gaze on the TV as the scene gets hotter making me grip her tee without releasing I've done It I feel something weird right next to my private area at the top of my thigh what is it its hard and fells like it's getting harder...oh fuck she's hard another moan slips past my mouth I fidget a little as the pool of wetness gathers in my panties my eyes are on the TV but attention is very much on the fact wandas hard dick is so close to my vagina I need to cool down I have an internal fight with myself the thought of seeing and feeling her dick becoming more and more my priority

I smirk to myself and shift my body a little so her bulge is pressing right against my pussy making me bite my lip as soon as I shift I hear her moan that only adds to my wetness "careful princess keep moving like that and ill not be able to control myself any longer" she whispers in a low sexy tone as her words hit my ears I let out a whimper as my pussy aches more "I.. I.. I don't know what you mean" I try to act like I didn't know what she meant and before I know it she pulls me fully ontop of her ,her hard cock pressing right into my pussy causing me to let out a louder moan as she grips my hips "be a good girl for me princess and grind that cute little ass" I moan and do as I'm told I start to grind my pussy into her cock harder leaning my head back as the moans fall from my mouth her moans only turning me on more I feel her hand slide up my top grabbing my tits since I took my bra off earlier "fuck princess that feels amazing do you like rubbing your needy little cunt on my cock" she says as she pinches both my nippes at the same time sending curse words flying from my mouth "mmh mhhh fuck yes feels so...fuck so good" I pant as she plays with my nipples she pulls my top over my head and throws it somewhere in the room I lean down putting my hands on her chest to steady myself "gonna cum, please can I cum daddy" she let's out a low growl and bucks her hips adding more pressure "cum for me princess, fuck such a needy little cunt and I've not even touched you yet" I lean my head down as I start to cum screaming her name "fuck wanda so good uh fuckk"

I feel my body shake as my orgasm washes over me wanda holds my waist and grinds slowly riding me through my orgasm as she takes my nipple in her mouth "to much clothes daddy" I whisper as I feel my cheeks heat up she giggles and moves me off her as she stands up I bite my lip watching her instantly seeing the huge wet patch on the shorts I gave her she looks down and then back at me "such a naughty girl look at the mess you made" I nod and think of what to say "your fault" she starts to remove her clothes as I take my shorts and panties off I look back in time to see her remove the shorts and let out a gasp when her cock springs out to action "don't worry princess you'll be able to take it ill be gentle at first" she smirks walking over to me as her dick swings making me moan she grabs my ankles pulling me to the edge of the bed making me yelp in surprise followed by a giggle making her giggle she take a second to admire my naked body "mmmmh princess you're so fucking wet look at this pretty little cunt dripping for me" she gently runs her fingers through my folds as she says it making me moan "please daddy.." I whimper causing her to lean down and kiss me "please what princess "she grins against my lips knowing full well what I want "please fuck me daddy I need you inside me" i breath out my chest rising and falling as she steps closer grabbing her dick rubbing the tip through my wet folds "fuckkkk pl..please" I groan as she teases my entrance "eyes on my princess don't close them I wanna look into those eyes as you cum all over my cock" I nod unable to form words my eyes glued to her eyes as she slowly starts to sink her cock inside me making me grip the bed sheets hard I scream a mixture of pain and pleasure "uh fuck baby so tight your gonna make me cum so fucking hard and way to quick' she bites her lip as her thumb plays with my clit gently only adding to the pleasure she continues to slide inside me slowly till she bottoms out "shh it's OK princess I won't move till you're ready' she wipes my tears from eyes as I nod after a minute i bite my lip "I'm ready wanda" she starts to thrust slowly making us both moan as she leans down to kiss me "you..are...so...fucking...perfect y/n" she groans thrusting a little faster I feel so full but she feels amazing "fa...faster daddy" I pant digging my nails into her back causing her to moan as she thrusts faster and deeper hitting all the right spots making my legs shake uncontrollably "fuckkkk princess"

she picks up her pace putting my legs over her shoulders making me scream as she hits deeper than I thought possible "fuccccccck daddy I'm so ....fucking .....close" I say staring into her eyes only encourages her to go harder and faster "gonna..cu..cum daddy please" i cry out as she continues to fuck me at an animalistic pace my legs shaking as I start to squirt all over her cock causing her to moan loud as she slams deep inside me cumming hard our eyes never leaving one an other "uh fuck" we both moan as she collapses onto my chest kissing my neck "you done so fucking well princess so well " I pull her closer to me hiding my face "can we stay like this cuddled in bed naked I feel so safe when our skins are together" I say feeling instantly embarrassed she smiles and nods "of course baby but I need to clean you up first I wasn't expecting you to be a squirter how many times has it happened' she questions as she walks into the bathroom to get a damp cloth "it's never happened..I've never don't THAT with anyone" I say truthfully as I hide my face, wanda cleans us both up and climbs into bed pulling me closer pressing our bodies together "it makes me happy knowing I was your first princess" she says  kissing my head as I drift off to sleep in her arms with a smile on my face.

AN: hope yall like it as always requests are open remember drink water and stay hydrated people hope yall have a great day/night all feedback welcome, word count is over 2.4k �

[imyourbratzdoll]

uhm hi? (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

(sorry if Its awkward.. it's my first time doing this this and I'm not exactly.. a people person?)

I really hope this is the right portal to send asks.. sorry if this ends up elsewhere (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

I fell in love with ur writings ❤️ and I just wanted to know maybe if you could do a Bucky barnes one where the reader is like a servant/maid/helper and Bucky doesn't really socialise with her.. and then some piece of information get's leaked and Bucky doubts her (maybe even chokes her out of anger?) And Steve/Sam is there to calm him but yk reader is traumatised and can't stand being near him... But then he finds out that reader is not the one to blame (*act surprised*) and feels bad... But b4 he could apologize there's a threat and reader is in danger and he.. uh.. basically saves the day? (I haven't really thought abt the ending part)

hi honey bunny! it's okay, not awkward at all! I completely understand, I'm the same, haha. I apologise for how long it has taken me to complete this, I don't think this kind of genre is my specialty? but I hope you like it!

summary - bucky snaps, and then you get taken by the enemy.

warning - angst, choking, kidnapping.

the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips

You had been a maid for the Avengers for a long time, always loyal, quiet and quick. When Bucky had joined, you kept your distance, finding the man frightening, but you had felt bad for him. Today had been like every other day, you went around the compound and cleaned, making sure everything was organised, and the kitchen was stocked. 

As Bucky entered the room, you barely had time to realise what was happening. His face was even angrier than usual as he approached you. His vibranium hand comes up and strangles you. Bucky pushes you against the wall, “I knew you were a spy! Why the hell did you leak information about me?!” Your eyes are wide as you struggle to breathe, your mouth opening and closing as you try to respond but can’t. 

Steve and Sam walk into the room mid-conversation when they stop and notice what Bucky is doing. Both men quickly rush over and pull Bucky off you, and Sam kneels and pulls you into him, checking to see if you are okay. “What the hell, man?!” 

“She leaked the information! I just know it!” 

Steve shakes his head, looking down at you in pity and mouths an apology before dragging Bucky away.

Weeks pass by with you being cautious in the compound, always running whenever Bucky entered the room, keeping your head down and covering the bruises with a scarf or make-up. You didn’t know they had discovered who leaked the information, and you didn’t know that he felt terrible. You were heading outside to take the trash out when you were suddenly grabbed, too shocked to react before everything went black.

The team was alerted of what had happened, causing Bucky to go into a frenzy. He had been on his way to apologise to you, a bouquet of tulips in his hands, now lying on the floor from when he dropped them, taking off. The Avengers had suited up extremely fast. You weren’t just the maid to them. You were family. Always there to take care of them, stock their favourite things, and be there for advice.

Thankfully the team and you had agreed on a tracker in case something like this happened, so they set off to where you had been taken. A few hours passed, and they finally arrived, taking out anyone and everything that had stopped them from getting to you. Bucky slammed through everyone, an unstoppable killing machine. He stopped at a room you were being held in, his heart beating out of his chest when he noticed your bruised form tied to a chair. 

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” He ran over, quickly untying you and holding you close to him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

thank you for reading! feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[lokisbiiiitch1993]

Thank you for the Request - I am sorry - it's been 200 years but to my excuse I had Writers Block for a while - and many other Requests - but I hope you still like it ❤️

The 200th Anniversary

Loki x Sigyn/Wife Reader

It's been a while since Loki joined the Avengers .

He is now a Part of the Team and spends the most time on Earth - Midgard.

You missed him and hoped he would come back to Asgard soon.

Days turned into Weeks and weeks turned into almost a month.

But today is our 200th Anniversary he will for sure show up and surprise me you thought excited.

After Breakfast you spend the next few hours on yourself - Hair and Make - Up

Next you put your favourite Dress on the one Loki bought for you many Anniversaries ago.

Remembering fondly Loki looked so thrilled the first time you wore it - the way he praised your beauty made you fall even more in love with him .

I am ready - you said to yourself - I can't wait to hug him and kiss him again .

A hour passed then the next - the more hours passed the more sad and angry you get .

It's Night and he still isn't here your Husband must have forgotten, you realized disappointed - crying yourself to sleep .

On the next Day you run into Thor by coincidence - he saw your red and swollen Eyes and asked what happened - you told him you are sad and mad that Loki forgot about the Anniversary .

"Maybe I should visit him soon and see for myself what's so important on Midgard that he forgets about me" - you said in a Threatening Tone .

Later Thor went back to the Avengers compound and told Loki that you are mad.

Brother how could you forget about the 200th Anniversary - Thor teased him.

To my Defense I didn't forget completely - Yesterday I had a feeling today is something but I couldn't figure out what - Loki tried to explain.

Thor laughed and wished his younger Brother good luck .

At first Loki was mad and disappointed in himself - how could he forget but then it turned into Panic because he knows his Wife will show up soon .

Hey Loki ,are you alright? What's going on with you? - someone asked but he just ignored it not wasting a moment to see who dared talking to him.

He devoted the next hours to finding the Prefect Anniversary Gifts .

Loki brought so many Bags with Presents back to the Compound -the others didn't know what to say - he bought the most beautiful Flowers Bouquet, different Chocolates , Jewelry,Shoes ,Bags and Clothes he knows you would like - he hopes that will calm you down.

Suddenly he had an Idea and went to his Room.

Two hours later you appeared at the Compound still visibly mad - everyone watched you

Tony was the first to ask "Who are you and what do you want" but before you had the Chance to answer Thor was by your Side answering instead happily "That's Loki's Wife - my Sister in Law ".

Meanwhile after many Attempts Loki finished writing a Love Letter -putting all his Feelings for his Wife into words.

After hearing all the noise he left his Room to see what's going on.

As he saw her standing in the living Room - he couldn't believe it- She is really here he thought .

Crossing her Arms ,she stared at him still angry and Loki looked at her with apologetic sad Eyes .

"My Darling Wife , please let us talk,I am really sorry for forgetting our Anniversary,please let me make it up to you " - he plead.

For the other Avengers in the Room he looks like a Lost Puppy - not threatening , scary or dangerous at all.

Some of the Team even smiled mockingly at him others were just shocked and speechless how different Loki is when his Wife is around.

Tony said teasing " So all we had to do to save New York,was bringing his Wife here ?"

"Looks like his Wife wears the Pants " another Avenger said

How funny Loki answered sarcastically,he took his Wife's hand and guided her to his Room.

He showed her everything he bought , gave her the Love Letter and apologized sincerely.

I only forgive you if you don't make me miss you so desperately all the time - I yearn for you - I need and love you - you confessed

"I promise,my Love,I missed you too and I love you so desperately"he replied with softly

You both spend the Night loving each other unable to get enough of the other.

My Masterlist

[romanoffs-widow]

Sorry for everything

Sum: Nat takes out her anger on you after a stressful couple of weeks.

Warnings ⚠️ : Shouting, arguing, and split up?

A/N: Thank you very much to @bobisek96 for requesting this fic, I hope it's okay 😭 and tysm to everyone for all the love on my (not actually first) first fic! I appreciate you all sm ❤️

(I promise there is eventual fluff 😅)

Happy reading! 😊

NATASHA POV:

Everyone thinks being an Avenger is so easy. All you gotta do is a couple of fights and interviews, and that's it, right? Wrong. These last couple of weeks have had me exhausted and honestly drained.

Steve and Tony keep arguing about useless crap, Lena accidentally stained the couch with red wine and didn't even tell me, so I sat in it and stained my favourite sweatpants and I've had to do 6 different interviews because Tony had a cold and couldn't do them, and on top of all that, Morgan has clung to me like a magnet since her dad has been sick. I love kids, and I really do, but not when I'm exhausted and keep having nightmares, leaving me sleepless almost every other night.

"Hey Natty," she says with that smile I love so much. I don't know what it is, but even y/n/n can't cheer me up today. Too tired to respond, I just give her a nod. Hopefully, she can see I don't want to talk right now.

I went to change into comfier clothes. I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. I shrug her off, getting annoyed. "Are you okay, baby?" I roll my eyes as I put my top over my head. "I'm fine." Maybe now she'll get it? "You know if you don't want to talk to me, just say." She says it with a tone that tips me ove rather edge.

"You know what? Maybe I don't want to talk to you. Maybe all I want to do is lay down in our bed and try my very best to relax! I have had such a hard couple weeks, and all you do is bug me because you're a pathetic childish wench that wants my attention all the time! If you knew what I go through every single day as an Avenger, maybe you'd at least try to understand how hard my job is! So please just shut your whiny mouth up and get out. I don't want to see your face EVER AGAIN!"

Y/N POV:

My vision is beyond blurry as I feel the endless stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. My hands are shaking, and anxiety is sitting heavy on top of my chest. "Alright. O-okay." I get up, and without saying anymore, I grab my backpack and start shoving a bunch of clothing into it. I go into the bathroom and grab my toothbrush, as well as the other necessities that belonged to me.

With my bag and arms full with items, I give the redhead one last look. Her face is still red from all the shouting she did as she stared at the floor, in the same spot she'd been in for a couple of minutes. I give her a small nod, sniffling as I close the door. I am fully aware the whole compound heard all of that, and honestly, they should. I don't deserve to be treated like that.

I'm going to miss this place. The past 9 years of my life have been spent living here, getting to know all of the amazing people within. I had so many memories here, one of the first being when Morgan was born. She had a head full of hair and a smile that looked just like her fathers'.

As I walked out of the tower, I went to the first person I could think of. Wanda Maximoff, my best friend of 5 years. She does live in the compound, but she also owns an apartment on the other side of the city for emergencies. She gave me a spare key when she got it. Thankfully, I'd never used it before, so I'd never seen the interior of the four walls.

Memories, good and bad swirls around in my head, as I twist the bronze key into the lock. It took me an hour to get here, with the bus and all. I get settled in, as I know I'll be staying here for a while. I started getting myself a snack when I heard the door swing open. I look at it to see the red magic I'd come to know very well.

"Y/n/n honey? Are you in here?" As soon as I hear her voice, I run over to her, the flow of tears starting up again. "Oh my god, are you okay? She didn't hurt you, did she?" I shake my head, unable to speak. "Oh, my poor baby. I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner. Everyone is out looking for you. I'd better call Pietro and tell him to tell everyone you're safe."

I just hug her tighter. "E-e-even...?" She looks at me with guilt in her eyes. "We all heard what she said to you, and F.R.I.D.A.Y said that you'd left, so we all went looking for you. None of us have heard from her since." By now, I've soaked her hoodie with my never-ending tears.

"Shhhh, it's okay, you're okay." Wanda whispers as she rubs my back to calm me down.

1 MONTH LATER...

I hear a knock at the door. Wanda only left, and she had her own key, so it definitely wasn't her, and i haven't ordered any packages. Deciding i dont care, I go to open it. I see nothing but a white teddy bear holding an envelope sitting on the welcome mat. There is no sign of anyone being here, as the halls are silent. I pick up the toy and bring it inside, closing the door. I go and put it on the counter, taking the red letter from its paws. It had my first initial on the front.

Our place, 2 pm?

- N xx

I roll my eyes. Even if I was very upset with her, she always knew how to make me smile. I check the clock, seeing it's already 1pm, so I decide to start getting ready.

I step into the shop and immediately see Natasha. As I get closer, I can see that she has bags under her eyes, and I see that her knuckles are all red and sore. She's probably been training to get her mind off us. "Hey," She goes to hug me, and I let her. "Hi." She ordered both our favourite drinks.

"How have you been?" I scoff. "What kind of a question is that? My girlfriend of 9 years kicked me out because she was having a rough couple of weeks and hasn't even bothered talking to me for a whole month, and you think I'm okay?" She looks down with guilt filled eyes. "...no. Sorry."

I sip from my cup. "Are you gonna give me some pathetic excuse as for why you made me leave like that, or what?" She nods her head, and takes a Depp breath.

"What I said was really messed up. I shouldn't have called you any of those rude names or said any of that to you. I was having a hard couple of weeks, and I just wanted some quiet. Which I got. But by all means, that's no excuse to take my anger out on you. I don't know if you even want to talk to me anymore after what I did, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or anything remotely close but I really am sorry y/n/n. These past 9 years have meant so much to me, and I don't want them to go down the drain because of my stupid actions."

She pauses for a while. Waiting for me to give her some sort of response. "Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you so much, but it would be very helpful if you communicated how you feel to me, so I know when you need space. I haven't forgiven you. That's going to take a long time, but if you're willing to work on this, so am I. Okay?" She puts her hand on top of mine. "Okay."

6 MONTHS LATER...

Everything had been going actually quite well with y/n, and I. I've been working on my communication, and she's been helping me to recognise when I feel like I need space. She's moved back into the compound, and as of recently, she's started staying in our room again.

"Hey baby." I forgot how much I love her voice. "Hi malysh. Cuddles?" She nods her head and wraps herself around me on the couch. We quickly get sucked into our newfound favourite show, Greys Anatomy. "Meredith really is gorgeous, but not as gorgeous as you!" I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm nothing compared to McDreamy." I laugh, knowing she loves Derek too much.

"Sorry...for everything." She turns to look at me with her eyebrows furrowed, abandoning our show. "I know. It's okay." She adjusts herself so she can kiss my lips. "I love you." She snuggled back onto me, sucking back into the show.

[th3-c0rps3-r0gu3]

hidden sadness.

pairings: Natasha X fem reader.

Warnings: depression, lots of sadness. Swearing. Thoughts of self harm. Yelling.

Happy ending tho.

A/n: this is a vent post. And Natasha is only a year older than y/n in this. Please do not mind me dumping my bottled up sadness here.

Y/n had joined the Avengers when she was 23. She had been hoping for a new start. And she had always been really good with daggers. Like exceptionally good. So she had gained the avengers trust quite easily.

The avengers would describe y/n as walking sunshine. She was always able to cheer someone up or just bring the happiness level up in general. It was a known fact that y/n was friends with every avenger. Every avenger other than Natasha Romanoff. For some inexplicable reason Natasha hated y/n. However despite Natashas dislike for her y/n was always kind towards her.

Natasha would describe y/n as a clingy childish girl who never experienced the hardships if the world and probably had everything handed to her on a silver platter. And the only reason that y/n was on the avengers was because her dad brought her a place and claimed she was good with daggers.

Nobody had actually seen y/n handle a dagger. But every mission y/n went on came out successful so they assumed she was as good as she claimed. Everyone but Natasha who suspected y/n just had someone else do the job for her.

Y/n however was far from either of the avengers expectations. She was a happy ball of sunshine on the outside but inside was a while nother story. In all reality y/n was sad. Desperately sad. Y/n found it hard to even get up of a morning. She forgot meals and basic health things. Luckily she could easily brush it off as simple forgetfulness as it fit her personality.

Despite y/n desperately wanting to tell someone, anyone, about her sadness she couldn't. Not the avengers. They had enough issues to deal with as well as their own sadness. Y/n's mother didn't understand. She tried to but she couldn't grasp her daughter's depression. And y/n's father had left for another woman a year ago. Not that that changed anything as he basically ignored y/n her whole life. So y/n bottled her sadness. Well she had one place she put it. A blog she had. There she could dump all her emotions under an alias where noone would recognise her and tell the other Avengers.

On social media y/n went under "inej". Her favourite book character whom she shared her dagger and knife skill with. Y/n's blog was her safe haven. The one place where she could be y/n y/l/n and not just "the silver blade" which was her hero name. Nobody but y/n's followers knew about y/n's depression. If it's even depression. Y/n don't know. All she knew was she was sad.

"hey y/n you think you could show us your daggers?"

Kate asked from beside yelena. The other Avengers turned to look at y/n.

"sorry Kate not today. Maybe another day."

Y/n responded shooting Kate an apologetic look. Y/n didn't like to show her daggers to others. They were special. Her grandma handcrafted them specially for y/n before she passed away. She had left y/n with twenty daggers in a wooden box with a glass lid. It was important to y/n as it was the last thing her grandma ever gave her.

"of course you cant. Because they don't exist. Admit it y/l/n you use your father's power to get your missions done."

Natashas voice broke y/n out of thought. It was cold and cruel but y/n was used to it.

"sorry to disappoint Natasha but I don't use my father's status to get missions done. I do have daggers but I can't show them to you. It's personal and I've said that."

Y/n gave Natasha smile. Natasha had always been y/n's favourite avenger. It saddened her more that Natasha hated y/n. Natasha simply scoffed at y/ns words and smile.

"what's personal about daggers. Their just fancy knives."

Natasha's insult hurt. Not that y/n would ever show it.

"leave it alone nat."

Steve said frowning. Natasha glared at him before leaving the room.

"sorry for her behaviour y/n."

Steve said then turning to y/n.

"it's fine Steve. I'm used to it. I know she'll eventually get over it."

Y/n responded calmly. She then hesitated.

"I'm gonna go to my room though. I feel awkward now. I'll see you all later ok."

Y/n then finished. The avengers nodded and y/n retreated to her room.

Y/n had a simple room in which no one but her was aloud in. It had bookcases lining two walls and a bunk bed with a study area underneath in the corner. There was a picture frame that held two photos. One of y/n with her mother and the other of y/n with her grandma the day she gifted y/n the daggers. Under said photos was the box contained the daggers. The daggers were intricately decorated with dragons or crows. Dragons because y/n adored them and crows as a reference to y/n's favourite book duology, six of crows.

Y/n climbed up to her bed and lay down grabbing her phone to dump her emotions on social media. Opening her blog she created a post. It just went on about how her friend group had one person who hated her despite her attempts at being friendly. And her slight struggles to deal with her depression and not being able to discuss it. After posting she turned off her phone and lay down sighing. Y/n didn't feel much better. She glanced back at the daggers. What if... No. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She didn't have the heart to do it. Let alone deal with her mother's sadness or the avengers sadness if she was caught. Besides her suit was sleeveless. Y/n buried the thought to the back if her mind.

A few hours had passed now. Wanda called everyone down for a team meal. Y/n wasn't hungry. She made the simple excuse of she wasn't hungry and went back to her room. Not after getting another snarky remark from Natasha though. This time a dig at her size. Y/n wasn't big but she wasn't skinny like the others either. It wasn't a bad thing and y/n knew that but it still hurt.

Once back in her room y/n turned in her music and as 'devil town' by cavetown came on she pulled out her sketchbook and drew. That was y/n's only other coping mechanism that kept her away from sh. Other than reading, drawing was one of the only things y/n legitimately enjoyed anymore. As the lines started to take a shape y/n realised she was drawing a realistic heart that was cracked open and bleeding. Disturbing but accurate to y/n's emotions currently. Mean while downstairs the other Avengers were arguing with Natasha.

"you can't say that natasha. It could really hurt her feelings y'know."

Wanda scolded. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"she's a cinnamon bun Wanda she's fine."

Natasha said. Wanda frowned at Natasha and was about to make another comment when Yelena interupted.

"can we not do this over dinner. You two can have your quarrel after food."

Wanda and Natasha sighed before sitting back down. Everyone ate in silence as the obvious tension between Wanda and Natasha was uncomfortable.

The next few weeks went by almost the same. Y/n continued her happy persona and Natasha continued to make hurtful jabs while the other Avengers disapproved. Y/n continued to act like it didn't matter. Then Natasha and y/n were assigned the same mission. It was simple. Break into HYDRA put the information on the hard drive and then blow up the place. Easy right. Wrong. Natasha was furious.

"why can't I do it on my own!?"

Natasha fumed at fury. Y/n stood there silent.

"I don't need some happy go lucky daddies girl bugging me as she fakes being an avenger!"

That actually hurt y/n and she flinched though nobody noticed.

"well there's obviously some drama between you both and you need to figure it out. Besides the other Avengers need a break."

Fury remained professional despite the red head yelling at him. Before Natasha could even think of a response fury left. Natasha whipped around to face y/n.

"you better not fuck this up or I will fuck you up got that daddies girl."

Natashas voiced dropped with venom at this statement and y/n simply nodded. The black widow proceeded to storm out of the room leaving y/n to mull over this situation.

The day of departure was the hardest y/n ever experienced. She felt so heavy. It was unbearable to leave the sanctuary of her bed let alone her bedroom. Despite all odds she managed to get up and grab her daggers and change in time to meet Natasha. Y/n had also grabbed a couple books and her sketchpad. This was not a single day mission and y/n knew she was gonna need some coping mechanisms or else things would go south.

Y/n met Natasha at the launch pad to board the quinjet. Natasha scowled at y/n and went on about her nearly being late. Y/n was early. They boarded and started the long flight to the HYDRA base.

The majority of the flight Natasha scowled at y/n and made harsh comments. Y/n simply read to drown it out. As soon as they landed and headed to the hotel they were staying at Natasha made almost silent judgements about the way y/n held and carried herself. Y/n simply sighed and tried to ignore it. They checked into the hotel and entered their room. Lucky for them it had two beds. Y/n set up to the one next to a window and natasha on the one closest to the door.

The first night y/n and Natasha needed to discuss plans if the break in. That was mostly Natasha telling y/n what to do and ignoring any statements y/n made before bringing them up later as if her own ideas. Y/n went along with it.

The next day they were to stake out the base. It went as well as one could anticipate from Natasha and y/n. Natasha constantly criticized y/n and said she was too obvious and how this was just proof of her faking her missions successes. It ended worse. Y/n had ended up in a trap and Natasha had to get her out before HYDRA agents found them. It was worse when back at the hotel.

"how could you be so stupid! Had I known you were this shitty I would've demanded a new partner till I got one! You jeopardized the whole mission you know that right!? Your not an avenger. Your a pathetic excuse who only got to join the team cos her daddy brought her a spot."

Natasha yelled. Y/n blocked out the rant. She had heard enough if Natashas rants to know the lines this one would take. Bla bla ball you could've got us caught. Bla bla bla your a failure. Bla bla bla daddy's girl. That was all Natasha's rants. Soon however Natasha ran out of air and stormed into the bathroom to take a shower. Y/n decided to make a post for her blog.

'inej':

-hey guys. I think screwed up again. It's all I ever seen to do now a days. I truly feel like a failure. I could've gotten my friend in trouble on accident. I've also been left alone with the friend who hates me. I keep fucking up and I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm trying. But sometime it feels like it's not enough. Stay safe.-

Y/n posted it and then turned off her phone before pulling out a book to read the rest of the night. Y/n knew sleep was not gonna be an option tonight. Sleepless nights were more common now.

Today was the infiltration day. Today was the important day. And y/n could only think about how she was gonna fuck up. Natasha got ready and y/n joined her outside. They were soon both outside the base again.

"ok I'm doing all the work as your incapable of doing anything right. Just follow my orders and maybe you won't fuck this up."

Natasha demanded. Y/n nodded. Natasha then lead y/n in.

At first everything was going smoothly. Till Natasha was downloading the information and it tripped a security alarm. HYDRA agents filled the room and Natasha and y/n were fighting for their lives while gathering the information. Y/n didn't have time to grab her daggers and she wasn't too good at hand to hand combat without them. That and the sleepless night and y/n was fighting terribly. Natasha obviously noticed and took it as y/n being incapable of doing the mission and a liar like she thought. Then Natasha saw the files were downloaded. She quickly went to retrieve the USB and turned to yell at y/n to ditch before g/n barged into Natasha and a bullet was shot. Y/n yelled at Natasha to grab the USB and run and that she had the bombs to blow it up. Natasha did run. She felt no obligation to help y/n. Soon after Natasha was out y/n got the time to whip out her daggers and soon the agents were dead. Y/n planted the bombs and exited the building and blew it up. Y/n met with Natasha at the hotel room.

"what the fuck were you thinking!? You nearly got me killed. Your pathetic attacks were useless! We could if failed because of you. Let alone you jumping at me!? And where are you stupid daggers huh!? I never even saw a blade in your hands!"

Natasha screamed. Y/n was tired and bleeding. Littlest did Natasha realise was y/n had take a bullet for natasha. Had she not jumped at Natasha she would if died. But all Natasha was doing was yelling at y/n for saving her life. No. She had enough.

"I jumped at you to take a goddamn bullet!"

Y/n finally gestured to the bleeding wound in her chest. Natasha shit up but before she could speak y/n began to yell this time.

"and the reason I didn't pull out my daggers was because I didn't have an opening to! I saved your stupid life and what I get is being screamed at!? I've tried so hard to get to where I am now. And you daddies girl comments sting y'know. And if you knew jackshit you'd know that my father left my mother for another woman a year ago. Even before that he hardly acknowledged my existence! I have tried so hard to be good at this but I can't! I'm just sad all the time. I struggle to get out of bed. Yet I try to keep you and the other Avengers happy because I don't want to bring down high spirits! Maybe this was a mistake and that being an avenger was a shit decision but I enjoy it! Or I did."

Y/n finished her rant and then looked at a shell shocked Natasha. The y/n pulled out her bloody daggers.

"and those non existent daggers are here."

Natasha now stared at the daggers. Then she eyed the bullet wound.

"i.. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She said almost shakily.

"no. You didn't know. You don't bother to know. To know Ive been miserable near you. I've thought about self harming before but you have nearly made me actually do it! And y'know what. Maybe I should. Just to relieve the pain you cause me!"

Y/n shouted. Natasha looked scared at the mention of self harm.

"don't do that. Don't even think of that. Please I'm sorry. I didnt... I'm sorry. I am truly sorry."

Natasha said. Concern was written all over natashas face as tears streamed down y/n's. Natasha stepped forward.

"Please dont, cut yourself..."

Natasha begged. Y/n looked away.

"it's just so hard.. you making comments. Being judged about the fact I won't show my daggers because I'm not ready to face the fact that if I show them I'll need to say who gave them to me and then that leads to grandma's death.. I cant. I can't admit she's gone because if she is then I'm lost.."

Y/n practically sobbs. Natashas eyes widen at your explanation of why you refused to show your daggers. Natasha then wrapped y/n in a hug.

"I'm sorry. I was just jealous. I thought you had a privileged childhood and got everything you needed and was upset because that privilege was taken from me. I'm so sorry. I never meant to take effect in you like I did."

Natasha whispered. Y/n simply leaned into Natasha's arms.

The rest of that night was filled with, Crying, hugs, admitting troubles and making up. The two women then became friends and returned to the compound as such. They proceeded to confuse the fuck out of the other Avengers as they had departed basically enemies and now y/n and Natasha were arm in arm. Natasha explained everything and y/n was taken to therapy. Things soon got better. And eventually Natasha and y/n grew into more than friends.

A/n: the ending is shit but I didn't know how else to do it. (I redid it like 20 times). Lmk if it's shit or not. Not that I care this is just me emotion dumping lol.

[myechoecho]

The Double, ep 14

I just about lost my mind to see the Duke and Li start to work together, even if it is only the passing of information. The Duke has listened to what Li said about being alone and having no spies. So he using his spies for her (which is suspect overlaps with his own investigations). He calls her over, warns her about the Consort's plan and that she needs to be careful since the Consort's is Emperor's favourite. What more is Li listens and tells him, at least very generally, what she plans to do. PROGRESS.

The whole theatre scene was so good. Yes, the Duke used Li for cover but he clearly just wants to be there with her. You can tell with the whole question about the tea. He's desperate to know more about her and just what exactly happened to make her bitter about love. But he also knows just how far to push because he stops easily when she says he can't ask. You can tell in the way he softly smiles while watching her enjoy the play.

The Duke's fan not only doubles as a boomerang but a shield as well. I think the last character I saw so tied dramatically to a fan was Yi Bang Won in My Country: The New Age. I love how the Duke protects her and then holds her when she is injured. And Li does not pull away but leans into his embrace. The Duke is definitely angry that Li got hurt.

He tends her wounds personally, and respects her boundaries in regards to her keeping her shirt on. He does, however, get irritated when she says if he thinks him treating her is a favour then she'll get someone else to do it. In this case in particular, I think he feels guilty that he was not able to protect her fully so it would never be a favour to him. It's him atoning to her.

However, her next words softens his irritation. Because she explains and understands fully why he invited her there. She doesn't blame him. She's actually perfectly fine with it because it made her useful. I think Li is starting to see the difference between the Duke, where she and the Duke are useful/helpful/supporting each other, to her husband when she did everything for him (we really haven't seen Yurong do much for Li during their marriage). Plus, I don't think the Duke ever had someone see his thought process so clearly without him explaining it.

It's going to be SO GOOD when they fully, equally work together.

I also love how Fang Fei, as Li, has not forgotten Jiang Li. She is fully committed to avenging Jiang Li and sorting out all her regrets. She has two different revenge plots going on.

As for the Yurong, he remains an interesting character. His situation with the Princess is really a role reversal. With that type of power play, it normally is a woman who is under the control of a man. However, he is also exerting what power he has over her. He flat out tells her that what she did was reckless and she would have been punished (true). He frames it as him protecting her. Note how he also calls her Wanning and not Princess, which I think is a significant change. He tells the Princess to let it go - what does it matter when he is by he side? At this point I have my suspicions that he realizes that Li is actually Fang Fei. He's placating the Princess to protect Fang Fei and probably to let her complete her revenge.

[threefolddefencespeech]

WorldCon!

So - WorldCon's over. I'm safely back home, very tired, only mildly ill, definitely getting the con drop or at least experiencing far too many post con emotions (what do you mean there won't be another one nearby for five years?). So perfect time to write a bit about it. I'm not going to get everything in here, but let's ramble incoherently about some highlights.

The Hugos

My spouse (and the rest of their team) won a Hugo! I am so proud and happy for them - it is, I say with incredible bias and no objectivity, very very well deserved. How could getting to celebrate that not be a highlight?

So. Let's move on to some book opinions. This year, I managed to read almost all of the best novel finalists (bar Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi, which I'm still a few chapters into and ping ponging off. Let's say I'm pretty sure where my opinion was going to lie). So I get to have some more detailed opinions than most years, which is fun/regrettable for anyone who got an earful from me about Starter Villain!

It's always interesting to see what makes the Hugo shortlist. This year, a truly massive gulf emerged between my two favourites, the middle-of-the-roads, and one real "no, really, why was this here?" option.

Out in front were Saint of Bright Doors (Vajra Chandrasekera) and Some Desperate Glory (Emily Tesh). I can already see this post getting enormous, so I'll try and be quick (this is a lie).

Saint of Bright Doors is wonderful - the first chapter introduces us to a clear chosen one narrative, with Fetter raised with a destiny: to kill his cult leader father. The second rejects it utterly. Fetter ignores his destiny and his mother's calls, and immigrates to a city - one that has elements of socialist ideal, but gradually reveals more and more of itself to be a fascist police state, and in every case is wonderfully strange. He joins a group of fellow religious "unchosen ones". He drifts. His father's cult grows in influence, and threatens to pull him once more into orbit - but this is not so conventional a story as to fully let it. And he becomes fascinated with the city's bright doors, which lead nowhere, and are unopenable. In a less talented writer's hands, this would feel disjointed. Instead it's wonderful - a dreamy-but-grounded, mythic-but-real story of aimless reality pitted against religious destiny, of cults and pogroms and the structures that lie beneath the world. I have my problems with the ending. But had I liked it more, I suspect it would have been a worse book.

Some Desperate Glory tells a story of a militarised future human society, living to avenge the Earth. It is also, in many ways, a cult. Where Some Desperate Glory particularly succeeds is that its protagonist isn't an outlier. How many dystopias have you read in which the lead is an outcast, or always felt subtly wrong in the society, never quite fit in? But Kyr is in so many ways this future society's model citizen. Which makes her growth - her experimentation in the wider world - and the ways in which this society still abuses her, and still fails her because she can't live up to its ideals, far more powerful. She's not a comfortable head to make a home in, at least to start with, but it's a far better novel for that. While what the novel's doing is far clearer than Saint, it does go to some interesting places - and explores these cultish power structures on various scales. I have quibbles and gripes. Do I wish more page space had been devoted to developing the novel's visions of alternative versions of Kyr, rather than slamming in character development in fast forward? Yes, and I would have happily sacrificed a few big action setpieces (which is where I suspect that space went) to get there. But it's still a powerful book.

Saint definitely my preference there, but both worthy winners.

Then we had the middle of the pack.

Leckie's Translation State was... fine? I expected more, though. We had some alien weirdness, but it was wrapped around a story which had the exact same plot arc as a typical YA arranged marriage novel, with the characters ending up in exactly the same places you'd expect. Aside from one, who simply gets forgotten about. It was perfectly pleasant, but revolutionising the genre this is not.

Martha Wells' Witch King is a secondary world fantasy, told with a flashback-interweaving-with-present-events structure, in a way that's far more evenly balanced between the two narratives than most, with the past narrative holding most of the explanation of characters and relationships highly relevant to the present. However, it fails to really make it work - it sacrifices a lot of character development and foreshadowing for the actual plot to get this structure working, which means the actual key revelations fall a little flat when they come. It's not a bad book! There's some fun magic system stuff, some mildly interesting possession-of-different-gendered body stuff... but it's not life changing, just a fun attempted structural twist on an otherwise pretty classic secondary world fantasy.

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi - well, it's a middle eastern pirate fantasy. The historical inspiration is great here - rich and vibrant. But the prose is clunky - it's doing Historical Feminism but in a really obvious, unsubtle way that's clearly just 2024 views projected backwards, or at least that's how it seems from the "ah, we mens often think x about a powerful lady, don't we?" narrator chapter. I like engaging with these topics, but can I wish for a bit more nuance and some better writing? Mind you, I'm only a few chapters into this one, and keep bouncing off. It might get better when I push through. From what others have said, I doubt it - but I can't really say. I'm maybe being harsh from initial impressions here.

So most of this middle group are small twists or weirdnesses upon otherwise pretty familiar genre novels.

Then there's Starter Villain, which is the only "really, why is this here?" novel of the list. I suspect just because Scalzi's a big name in SFF, and name recognition gets you a long way at the nomination stage. While I might quibble with the middle group - probably there was more interesting SFF published last year? - this was a novel-length shaggy dog story. It's not funny enough to be farce or satire - but it's not doing anything else. The protagonist's main defining traits are "very divorced", "likes cats", and I suppose "vaguely nice". Everyone speaks in the same way. And this goes nowhere - other than a few jokes about dolphins and venture capitalists along the way. Maybe if this hadn't been up for the Hugo, I wouldn't have hated this so much. But I expected something. This was my first Scalzi, and I probably won't choose to repeat the experience.

So, how'd the voting turn out? Some Desperate Glory won, which I vaguely suspected - felt like it had broader appeal as a slightly more traditional novel than Saint of Bright Doors anyway. But Hugo votership, why did you do Saint quite so dirty? It's so far down the list. On the other hand - faith marginally restored by Starter Villain ending up in a clear last place.

Which is to say: probably good job overall, Hugo votership, but you're on some shaky ground. :P

The Panels

Panels! I went to lots of them. I was terribly sabotaged by my very first panel, Revolutions in Speculative Fiction, setting the bar far too high. I was largely picking panels based on people + a vaguely interesting topic, with a few exceptions. Ada Palmer's and Arkady Martine's definitely proved that method of panel picking works well.

...after Dublin, the other thing I learned (alongside picking based on people) was that I really shouldn't plan my con too inflexibly or intensively. So despite wanting to go to 4 things in every slot, I paced myself - I missed out on an interesting panel and went to hang out with people or Do Food occasionally, especially when emotion + tiredness demanded it, and I probably had a better con for it.

There were worse panels too. Several on interestingly nuanced topics had a tendency to regress into more basic topics - particularly into cultural appropriation 101. Cultural Appropriation 101 is not a bad panel topic! It's an incredibly necessary one. But it's also a panel I have been to several times now, and while I think other panels should certainly touch on it where relevant, I wanted a bit more than Different Topic 101 from "Ancient Cultures and Context" and the discussion of religion in fantasy, for instance.

Overall though, I had a good time with the panels - even when frustrating (cough, Scalzi showboating and talking over other panelists in "Systems as Villains" when he didn't actually have anything to say, cough), they were fuel for conversation with interesting people, and there were some truly interesting ideas in there too. Maybe I'll manage to incorporate a few into my own writing. I hope so.

Self-Indulgent Gender Stuff

I'll try not to ramble about this too much, but it was pretty significant to my con experience. This was my first con since coming out as a trans woman (it also coincided with my 1 year anniversary of starting HRT). Honestly, coming up to it, I was pretty stressed - despite knowing on paper that a substantial part of WorldCon is queer nerds, it didn't quite make it through to my brain, or at least I suppose endocrine system (I worry about my appearance anyway, and was just coming off a bit of a doomspiral about my features at the 12 month mark, which may not have helped!).

But everyone was genuinely very nice about it - including everyone I already knew, but who hadn't seen me since pre-transition. And you know, it did feel really good to be able to present the way I actually wanted to at other cons (pre transition, I can't deny a certain - large - amount of envy at fem con + cosplay outfits, and I actually get to do some of that now). I even got some compliments on my outfits, which was very flattering (plus one person inexplicably wanting to draw me at the Hugo afterparty).

Did that stop me from worrying? Silly question. I still spent a lot of the con convinced I looked terrible in so, so many ways, and had to frequently borrow some reassurance from spouse and friend (I'm so sorry). There were a few low points. But I'm so glad I did it. Hopefully the start of many more cons presenting more comfortably.

Plus, I have discovered a great secret. My terrible dancing is drastically improved by the addition of a swooshy skirt. (Well, maybe some other stuff helped too, but I'll go with that)

People

I've talked a lot about official, organised things where I was there as a spectator: panels, the Hugos. But really, so much of WorldCon is just spending time with lovely people.

I got to do lots of the con with spouse and a soon-to-be-ex-Oxford friend, who I have really fond memories of doing other cons with. Lots of silly late night dancing. Lots of in depth discussions, from the deeply absurd to the (maybe) absurdly deep (or maybe just the former all over again). I got to see other Oxford friends in the magic con zone! @frith-in-tombs between track stuff and @vivelabagatelle occasionally too.

I got to catch up with other friends, especially the ex-Oxford folks! It was lovely to spend more time with @howlsmovinglibrary again (who also ran some excellent panels, and has definitely sold me on this villainess book), as well as Entourage, @cardboardmoose, and others (if I haven't named you explicitly it's probably because I thought the only way I've got of naming you might be too identifiable, and I don't know your name on here).

I got to meet new people, which honestly is one of the best things at a con. I spent a lovely night chatting to @canmom about all sorts of diversely interesting things, from opera to game design - completely unexpectedly after inexplicably working up the courage to venture a "hey, you're not [tumblr name] on tumblr, are you?" (at least I didn't comment on anybody's shoelaces, is all I can say in my defence). I met a distant friend from Discord and compared very different con plans - and a truly excellent crocheted Mr Pages. I chatted with a few more in panels. I finally got to hang out with Roseanna more than in passing (typically we've wound up communicating only through a mutual friend, Entourage since we've never really overlapped properly - I remember back when she asked me about reviewing, and look how the tables have tabled!) and had a great time dissecting the Hugos. (Another very well deserved Hugo win btw). I also learned that apparently I was referred to frequently as DAF by her and said friend, and she's completely forgotten what it stood for? I have a pressing need to solve this mystery.

And of course, there are some friends I dearly miss being able to con with too. Perhaps one day we'll be able to do so again.

What Next?

As I mentioned, so many post-con emotions! Five years really is too long between travellable worldcons for my liking.

Which means resolution 1 is: maybe I should do more cons? While flying transatlantic for WorldCon feels like a Lot, I've never made it to an Eastercon before, and I think I'd like to.

I've also reached out to plan a few meetups with nearby-ish worldcon people like Roseanna - I miss the con energy, and I think I'd like to get some more chats about books and such in my life. (Alas, distance remains a barrier for yet others!)

I also want to engage with more SFF writing - I read a fair few novels, but I feel like I miss out on a lot of reviews and criticism these days, and I miss that.

And as always, I come away wanting to put more energy into my own creative work - I've been planning a bigger IF-ish game (than my small silly/gift games I've made) for a long time, and maybe this is the time I'll manage the sustained effort to make it happen (and feel like I have My Own Stuff next WorldCon!). Hehe. Well, I can dream, anyway.

I should probably also catch up on sleep at some point.

It was a wonderful, exhausting, fascinating con - thank you to everyone who made it happen, whether more generally, or for me specifically. :)

[kaladinstormblessed09]

Okay, now that I’m more composed I wanna give my actual thoughts on Oathbringer. This is my favourite stormlight book so far, and I’m 700 pages into RoW so please no spoilers for that. Spoilers for Oathbringer down below obviously

Oathbringer focuses a lot more on Dalinar, but I'll get back to him. Bridge 4 gets their own pov chapters. Teft struggling with his addiction, Rock with his family, Skar not being able to take in stormlight, Rlain being alone amongst people who mean well but can never truly understand what he’s going through. I love this crew so much! The side characters shine in this book. Elhokar! I ended up liking him so much in it just for him to be brutally murdered right in front of his son. Moash even kicked the child. I was sobbing, I was so upset. He had so much potential. He was becoming a better king, a knight's Radiant. All for it to be just gone. And kaladin took that failure so personally. My baby. You can't always save everyone, but this is something Kal always struggle with. Moash even had the audacity to salute Kaladin, after murdering Elhokar!

Shallan just gets better and better in every book. I love how much she's improved in lightweaving. She was making her own little movie in Urithiru. I freaking love Veil. She's going around stabbing herself and getting arrows stuck in her head saying it's just a flesh wound. And everyone is rightfully baffled at her. I love her. I really loved her scenes with Wit/Hoid. It seems to me wit has a soft spot for Shallan. I love that Shallan and Adolin are married now! I love love love Adolin. Kaladin is right. You can't not like Adolin. He's got such sunshine golden retriever energy. Also, I love that Kaladin gave Shallan boots as a wedding present. LMAO.

Jasnah is the real mvp! Her just breezing through the final battle soulcasting her enemies was so fucking cool! She’s obviously the one who has the most control over their powers. When she decides not to kill Renarin oh man I cried! In fact I cried through the entire last 150 pages!

When szeth swoops down to save Lift and uses Nightblood to kill that thunderclast? When Lift tries to save szeth from Nightblood?! So many epic fucking scenes!

Dalinar really gets his avenger endgame moment with all the radiants! So so so cool!

And now speaking of Dalinar. So, Dalinar. How do I talk about him. He's probably the best written character I've ever read. He's your classic reformed character. His flashbacks when he was in his prime, being the blackthorn was difficult to read. But it shows you why the other country leaders are scared of him. And it's a legitimate worry. Now that the whole world is at the brink of an apocalypse, and he can save people no one trusts him because of his reputation because he used to be a war monger and a tyrant. and he knows that he can just do it again. He can be the balckthorn again and unite the world forcefully so they'll listen to him. It'll be so easy for him. But he doesn't want to do that. He's not that war monger anymore. And no one believes him. It's such good story telling. But after I read what he did to the rift, and to Evi, I didn't know how to root for him anymore. How do you root for a character who has burned a whole city down killing thousands of innocent people, including his wife. how do you root for someone who killed his own wife?? That's why it was so cathartic when we got to that moment between Dalinar and Odium. Odium telling Dalinar to just give in. Give him all his pain, and that he's the one who influenced him into doing bad things. telling him not to take responsibility. I thought Dalinar was gonna give in. He was gonna become Odium's champion and Kaladin would have to fight him. but for once Kal doesn't save the day. Dalinar doesn't give in. This is the best scene in this book, which is hard to choose cause this book is filled with epic scenes. "The most important step a man can take is not the first one. it's the next one. always the next step. You cannot have my pain. If I pretend I didn't do these things it means I can't have grown to become someone else. I'll take responsibility for what I have done. If I must fall I will rise each time a better man." It's about him taking accountability, acknowledging the wrongs of his past. it's about trying to be a better man. It's about forgiveness and doing better. People complain about the lengths of these books but we needed these pages to get that character development to get to this moment where Dalinar defies Odium. I love this book. this 1200 page behemoth and even than I wanted more. I’ve gone back to this sequence multiple times in the last few days. Even as I read RoW now I go back to reading that sequence. And I cry every single time.

In conclusion, Oathbringer was amazing. I can’t wait to finish RoW. Then I’ll only have the secret projects and TLM left until I’m fully caught up with Cosmere! I can’t wait!

[mariahillsgirl]

hey there (y/n)

carol danvers x reader

This is inspired by hey there delilah and I might write a second part for this, enjoy :D

header by @sister-lucifer

"Hey there, (y/n)" Carol breathed, her low voice permeating through the phone and straight into your ears, almost as if she was right here with you.

"What's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away. But, girl, tonight you look so pretty." You had sent her pictures of you cosying up in your new home. The both of you were finally living the life of your dreams, with a penthouse to your names which served as a constant reminder of the love you shared. A love, so tender yet heroic, that even Natasha had joked that you guys were her favourite couple in the Avengers, and Kamala swore to disbelieve the existence of love should you guys ever separate.

The bed that Carol had picked out for your bedroom was big. She knew that you liked the spaciousness it gave and even whispered temptingly at all the things you could try out with the space. Carol was tying up loose ends on the spaceship, ready to retire and spend forever with her earth girl.

"Really?" you giggled, and she could tell even without seeing that you were definitely blushing at her compliment.

"Yes, you do. Times Square can't shine as bright as you. I swear, it's true," her soft voice reassured, already missing you and thinking about all the places you could visit and things to do at your new home in New York.

"Hey there, (y/n), don't you worry about the distance. I'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen," She whispered tenderly, referring to the dozens of voice messages she had recorded of her reciting cheesy love poems and even lullabies to help you fall into the tender embrace of slumber, knowing it was always much harder for you to fall asleep without her by your side.

"Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise. I'm by your side," her gentle coaxing whisper sounded from your phone as you lay on the soft bed thinking about her.

[pokelolmc]

One of my new favourite Hazbin Hotel fic AUs is this weird crossover niche of "Alastor is/was a character from another fandom, before he snapped and became who he is today" AUs, eg. "Harry Potter becomes Alastor", and one random "Tim Drake becomes Alastor" fic I found on AO3. Because I find it interesting to try and figure out how to meld the other character's backstory, powers or personality with his.

And that inevitably led my traitorous brain to the idea of "Danny Fenton becomes Alastor" (because now DP and DC are forever associated in my lizard brain, curse you Phandom!).

Which is just...the weirdest thing ever, because they're just so different—like, how the fuck do you set up Danny to become Alastor, of all people?! It feels like the most unfitting character to do this with...

And that's exactly what my brain has decided to see it as a challenge.

Added caveat: this is an AU!Danny specifically from a generic angsty dissection fic scenario, where he's been traumatised by his parents and fucked over by the world (and he has no healthy way to cope)—then he's sent back in time, lost and completely alone

-Danny falls through a natural portal to 1900's Louisiana with no way back (something something, Clockwork's-out-of-the-picture, something something)

-Alastor being a mama's boy? Danny gets taken in by a loving mother figure after getting lost in time—a kind woman familiar with the supernatural who accepts his ghost half right off the bat. He sees her as his family. After a year or so, though, she dies. He spirals again. He dyes his hair brown and starts wearing glasses when he runs away to New Orleans to change himself and cover his tracks.

-Alastor feels like an interesting name for Danny to choose because it means "the avenger", and can also mean "defender of the people" (a meaning more apparent in the Scottish version "Alasdair/Alastair"), but could also have a negative connotation of "persecutor"; the character symbolism writes itself

-the normally tech-savvy Danny who finds old-timey stuff boring would be forced to find something to entertain himself in the 1900's. So he gravitates towards radio, with it being the closest thing he's got to modern tech. Give him several years or so to grow attached to it and enjoy the idea of working in it. He goes from fantasising of radio comms at NASA to a public radio host, playing with all the fancy knobs and dials.

-his ghost half is the reason Alastor's powers/magic in Hell is green

(also I heard someone say the typical human!Alastor design has the "Timmy Turner hairstyle", which I can't unsee now. And it's Danny's hairstyle too. Because we know how well Butch Hartman and originality mix. Male protagonist? There's only one hairstyle for that!)

-he becomes a serial killer because he's snapped over the years after all the shit that's happened to him; he's developed a bitter, cynical and self-aggrandised ego and thirst for justice and revenge, and he's all alone with no one to keep him out of the dark echo chamber leading to villainy

-a serial killer with ghost powers plays cat-and-mouse with cops, and never leaves a trace; before he starts killing, he's already made deals with and intimidated the ghosts that come to New Orleans through other natural portals (it's a portal hotspot) under a new ghostly persona. He has both sides of the city fearing or respecting his power. Every ghost who goes to New Orleans knows whose territory it is. They just never link the ghost and human together. He becomes like an even worse Plasmius. It sets him up for Overlord stuff in Hell from the getgo

-the cannibalism was a...happy accident. On a whim, he decided one guy's crime was too insufferable to die without torment, so he took the guy back and...tortured him the way his ol' folks knew best. He starts cutting people open as if trying to relive what his parents did to him, but from the other end—as the person with all the power. Taste-testing what he cut up came incidentally, but he decided he didn't mind it and made it a routine.

I can imagine a villain!Danny with more narcissistic tendencies, but my main trouble is where the overblown confidence and charming/manipulative skills come from. After all, Danny's pretty socially awkward. How exactly does he grow into that?