#she's kind of ruining the experience
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pearl-kite · 2 months ago
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Very excited to have leftover turkey sandwich
Not very excited to try to eat it while Trio stares at me and occasionally meows pleadingly
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tiktowafel · 7 months ago
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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carefulfears · 1 year ago
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thinking about "you have a life" / "i don't know what i have" + "what do you want, dana?" / "i want everything that i should want at this time of my life" + the perceived shame in scully's loss of normalcy... "unlike you, mulder, i would like to have a life" + "do you believe in the afterlife?" / "i'd settle for a life in this one" + "don't you ever want to just stop? get out of the damn car? settle down and live something approaching a normal life?"
her friend ellen saying, "well, first you have to get a life." tara, pregnant with their christmas gift, saying that life before one grew inside her was "somehow...less, just a prelude," while barren dana cries in the kitchen. "i know you and dad were...disappointed...that i chose the path that i'm on."
thinking about how mulder said, "this is a normal life," and how she smiled. (he doesn't know any different). how, in the end, he said, "hey, scully? i know it's not your normal life, but thanks for coming out there with me."
(christmas before quantico, "i guess i'm afraid of making a big mistake. dad thinks i am." and missy's response: "it's not his life, dana.")
her application to adopt emily was rejected: "you're a single woman who's never been married or had a long-term relationship. you're in a high stress, time intensive, and dangerous occupation."
bill's reaction: "sounds like something your partner would say. this isn't about any little girl, dana. this is about you. it's about some...void, some emptiness inside you that you're trying to fill."
and mulder to the judge: "the fact that she can adopt this child, her own flesh and blood, is something i don't feel i have the right to question, and i don't believe anyone has the right to stand in the way of."
(that last christmas with missy before everything: "there is no right or wrong. life is just a path...just don't mistake the path for what is really important in life. the people you're going to meet along the way. you don't know who you're going to meet when you join the FBI. you don't know how your life is going to change, or how you're going to change the life of others.")
and ultimately, it all leads to a leather couch. and after contemplating that sacrifice of normalcy, what she should want, the decisions she could have made, she says, "i once considered spending my whole life with this man...what i would have missed."
she could've been a doctor, like her father wanted. she could've settled down, married waterston, had a normal life, like her friends and brother wanted. but what would she have missed?
"what if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong?" / "and all the...choices would then lead to this very moment. one wrong turn, and...we wouldn't be sitting here together."
#i truly believe that what's made this show so lasting and rich to so many generations#is how completely in touch with raw human experience it always was. there was always this kind of bleak undertone of...this is how it is...#and very rarely was it ever overcome or accepted or boldly subverted. it just was.#the pressures and the grief and the traps of abuse and trauma and power structures. this is how it is. this is how it feels.#'people thought the storyline and characters for x-files made it a 'dark' show but i never saw it that way.#i always thought mulder and scully were the light in dark places.'#my favorite quote about the show and why i think it's so comforting. it's the harsh reality of the world#of which mulder and scully are not exempt#but it's also mulder and scully going wherever they are needed with their unending kindness and their perseverance and their passion#and they bring all of those things to each other too. that's why she chose THIS life. despite it NOT being normal.#despite it NOT being what her father wanted for her. despite it NOT being easy. she chooses it over and again#because he is bringing light to dark places and she wants to be where he is and she wants to be doing important work. she wants to be#'on the side of the victim'#and that's rarely supported by societal structures and it's hard. but like she says#what would she have missed??#txf.txt#you people make me crazy when you dismiss her decisions and act like she Ruined Her Life or mulder Ruined Her Life#congratulations! you've missed the point!#all things#emily#dreamland
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aprilblossomgirl · 1 year ago
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# mood 1 + mood 2 (basically)
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aroaessidhe · 5 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Loudest Silence
YA contemporary
a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida
and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her
bi & aroace-coded MCs
#The Loudest Silence#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's#friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her#but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now#[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against#what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles#around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc#that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments#of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books#bisexual books
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autumnoakes · 7 months ago
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can i say it now?
sage of time/time powers didn't make sense for totk zelda. at ALL.
when in botw, before the calamity, in aoc, did she EVER show an affinity for time powers? i get that it was like this sort of. hidden power kind of thing, but it still doesn't make much sense. not for zelda.
#not to mention. light dragon still.#like..... it doesn't make sense in my head.#i would have understood it if it were link who was sage of time. because he canonically has magic related to time#(e.g. flurry rush. bullet time. plus connections to the hero of time)#they could have made a banger design with time themes for dragon zelda. im just saying#and i get kind of trying to connect her with sonia a bit but idk.#i TRIED to bring this up back when totk first released but people didnt like that very much#i think both zelda and link are connected to time and light but they each have more of a connection to one over the other#like. okay. dragon of time zelda. yes?#phases in and out of existance at will. sometimes she's seen at the two different places at the same time. maybe more.#her appearance is pretty unpredictable. the average hylian who has no clue what the dragon spirits are talk about things going missing#weird things happening whenever the dragon of time flies overhead#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#totk spoilers#idk if people still care but it was more expensive than usual so#negativity#i feel bad for making this post after bitching about people being too harsh about totk#and people were. i was hyperfixating and legit could not talk about it because people were horrible about it to me#which genuinely ruined a lot of my experiences online last year#its really hard to try and reframe it as “all that matters is that you enjoy it and what other people think shouldn't affect that”
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 2 months ago
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finished helluva boss and now i have Thoughts
#random thoughts#hell#give me more fat characters. where is the body diversity 🔫 stop showing me twinks#i don't like that stella is so monstorously evil. like i enjoy it but i think stolas would be a more compelling character#if his cheating wasn't excused by the narrative#i think she should still be evil but less of an idiot about it#like for the first whatever years of their marriage they're partners who work together to raise their daughter. like platonic life partners#and stolas is like 'Yes this Must be what love is' because he Does care for her but he doesn't have the life experience to quantify it#so when he and blitzo meet (btw i Do think the 'they were childhood friends' thing is. lame? it's lame)#he gets swept away by just how much he's feeling#so he has an affair which he's hiding from his wife until some pictures of stolas and blitzo hit the tabloids#nothing TOO incriminating so the cat's not out of the bag but enough where he's like 'shit man i have to tell my wife'#so he does and he's thrown off by how much more worried she is about their image (and how stolas may ruin it)#than she is about their relationship#so she's preparing all this damage control and he's like '? excuse me? i CHEATED on you are you? are you not getting that?'#and then she reveals that yeah of course they're in a loveless marriage she thought he KNEW#the IMPORTANT thing is not risking their REPUTATION stolas!!!#so basically she's been kind to him all these years to make the best out of a bad situation and doesn't really actually like him as a person#so she's like 'you can fuck your little imp all you want just keep it where no one can see you'#and when he eventually DOES divorce her she's PISSED because how DARE he ruin the life SHE worked so hard on???#and that's when she starts trying to get him assassinated before the divorce can be finalized (so she can inherit)#(i know there's different inheritence laws in universe but i don't remember then rn okay sue me)#and maybe if she's afraid of octavia inheriting before her she could be like 'actually she was never his so we never had a true heir'#because she HAS cheated on him before and oh god now i really like the idea of octavia not being stolas's biological daughter#basically my ideal stella is hannah gill but one who thought truman was aware their marriage was a sham#haha 'you thought we were in love? that i loved YOU? i knew you were sheltered but i didnt think you were that STUPID'#the closest she gets to being upset about the affair personally is that he cheated on her with an IMP??? are you TRYING to make her look BAD#but back to octavia because now i'm like a dog on a bone and i NEED to explore the idea of her not being stolas's#it's revealed by stella during the show and when octavia comes of age she gets some sick new secondary traits from her bio dad#her sperm doner (as she calls him) is some kind of predator to owls
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months ago
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Hi! do you have an analysis of cowboy like me and how you interpreted it?. After ttpd many people tried to connect a certain muse to that song and it's one of my faves and i don't want to be it ruined so i would love to read your thoughts!
Hi anon, firstly I want to say: IMO, stop reading into what other people are saying and just enjoy the music. (Which includes whatever I have to say, I'm just a person like anyone else lol.) What makes Taylor's music resonate with people are the emotions behind them, and they're valid to her and to listeners no matter what inspired them. People never worry about the muses behind any other artists' songs and enjoy them for their own sake, so why should Taylor's music be any different? Trying to moralize the music because of its inspiration is going to be a really unsatisfying experience, so may as well just keep enjoying the music you enjoy! Art enhances your life so much that way. Don't let social media ruin it for you!
So that being said, to me it's obviously about her time with Joe. It's a fountain pen retelling of songs like "Delicate" and "Cruel Summer" and "Glitch". It's a metaphor for a situationship that unexpectedly turned into the real deal and (at the time) everlasting love. I haven't done any analysis of it (mostly because it's pretty straightforward to me lol) but I did find this post though it's not likely what you're looking for.
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dizzybizz · 1 year ago
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uyou dont underastand the.
the potential
ininia being adopted by garuga and atuarto you sdont get it it would be so
like
the thought of like
i mnot okay
ok wait this is a note i wrote in august:
do you think galga and atuarto will like
adopt ininia.
its just
cause
i
what if
they like
do?
and she tries to reverse the memory wiping
and like
😭😭😭😭
its a wishful thought
and im not sure
but like
aoughffuqgdmfgghhhhaaa
i do really like the flicker of regret ininia shows.
she feels bad about it
she just cant admit to herself
but she felt bad seeing the aftermath, how the person closest to galga suffers
and
aaauHgHHzhdfhgh
can u imagine them as a little family
like i do wonder
if atuarto will find out that ininia is a brimhat and reason for galgas memory wipe
and how hed react
knowing she is just a small child
but like is she
who knows
but he thinks shes a child
and theres someone pulling the strings in the background
and i wonder if he would want to help
he seems like a kind soul
would he try to step in
and get her away from restis
ok no hold up have a look in the tags too i put too much in there whoops
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fideidefenswhore · 6 months ago
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philip making mary happy like she was 10 is a line i remember from her Children of England bio. so "for the first time since she was ten, when her father's eye had first lighted upon anne boleyn, she was truly happy." it's anne's fault again! so i guess weir wrote this novel from reading all her old books again, and not updating it with modern theories. which is kind of like endorsing herself.
also, she says mary had "dreams" about philip, "reliving the delights" iykwim. weird she changed that part.
the boleyn years are actually the only section of the book where weir imagined and wrote out long, extended, creatively reimagined scenes and conversations between characters; pretty much everything else, up till her marriage with philip, reads like a summary of events, either paraphrases or literal verbatim excerpts from her previous works. but, as she herself said in the author's note, the only piece of her life weir sympathizes for was her 'victimization' by anne boleyn; after that she says her sympathy for her is over (an objectively wild thing to say...no sympathy for the execution of her maternal surrogate in 1541? fr?). one gets the sense that the dialogue she gives mary concerning this is 100% what weir wishes she had said to her own father's 'other woman', that she never got the chance to say (tl; dr, revenge fantasy...i still have so many questions about that a/n...her mother was threatened with jail??)
she repeats the line about dreams; ('she was tormented by sensual dreams, in which [they were] making love'), however the actual portrayal of their sex scenes makes it explicit that she doesn't experience orgasm with her husband:
"this time she began to feel, in the core of her body, some tingle of response [...] but he was pressing on heedlessly to his climax and the moment was lost anyway."
and that is...the closest she ever gets.
she does this with her AB novel as well, which i just attributed to her hating her, because she portrays that in such a roundabout way...there's 'no alchemy' between her and henry (of like, all historical couples, this seems like a reach), and the evidence she could've used to support the choice (although, i think it's pretty clear now, especially from this A/N, where she says her own mother = coa, and this other woman in her own past = anne, that it was because she found it gratifying to write about anne suffering and unhappy and lacking pleasure in her life, again...revenge fantasy/transference) she dismisses (the 'vigor nor virtue' quote is a 'lie' from jane boleyn out of spite, anne even has the thought that it's 'not true'...?).
#anon#nsfw/#anyway. i have more to say about the portrayal that i'll add to later when i have the time#i think it's either animus for certain women and/or her own personal beliefs about their compatibility or lack that inspired these choices#coa and jane apparently have pleasurable sex with their husband#but with mary i think she honestly wrote it that way bcus like she says. her respect for her as a person is as over as it is for AB once sh#'steals' henry from coa and ruins mary's life etc...#it's kind of a...not sex negative per say...but yk. it's like a harlequin conservative women fantasy. if you get me?#where when they're god of their world the rule is there's no pleasure in sex if it's not 'mutual love'#ie anne doesn't love henry so she doesn't experience pleasure with him#philip (as she pretty much confirms about 20 times...mary tells him she loves him and he never says it back) doesn't love mary so#she doesn't experience pleasure with him.#well. i guess it is sex negative. bcus obviously the men are but the women aren't in these dynamics#no pleasure in sex for *women* if not mutual love etc#also in both cases there's an alternate that weir implies they could've had this with in a 'better world'#for AB it's norris; for mary it's chapuys#well...there's a few. she believes pole would've been a better husband but that she would've never 'loved him like philip'#renard it seems to mainly be lust-based. chapuys is the love connection#that mary constantly wishes she could marry#her main thought when she hears cromwell was executed was that she's flattered he wanted to marry her#and believes that's why he 'saved' her in 1536#so she doesn't seem to doubt that particular facet of the accusations...?
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sendmyresignation · 1 year ago
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anyway finally finished girls to the front. obviously had a lot of opinions about it. i have a lot more respect for the day-to-day lived realities of riot grrls and the underground community fostered. but like. man. is the music so secondary. my main critique of riot grrl is it took many of those bands growing out of the movement amd growing up to hit something truly, artistically great (music-wise).
#i think about marcus calling dc punk like. musically rigorous (in a way she was implying was 'macho' to a degree)#and how (1) most of the dischord stuff was still very much diy it was just naturally growing more experimental in a posthardcore landscape#but also (2) i dont think thats inherently.... a bad thing???? i guess i just dont see practicing a lot nd being passionate about your craf#as unpunk or some chauvinist methology that keeps girls out#like yes. allowing women the space to be imperfect. important! bc women arent allowed to play annoying shitty juvenile music#but that doesnt mean naturally developing as a musician and valuing tenchique and theory spits in the face of that#also of course sara marcus' perspective is pretty wack its easily the drawback of the book#she makes a lot of snap judgements and incorporates odd grudges that make me not trust her wholeheardly#lots of heroworship too.#the jessica hopper stuff is the most wild bc ive now become invested in hoppers like. career and shit#and even as someone who disagrees woth hopper on a lot i thought the book went Out Of Its Way#to shit on her in a way that kind of directly ruins her reputation as a music critic and such#and its so disheartening bc theres no grace given at all.#like again these were young girls and women- im willing to imagine theyve grown and changed and evolved#but marcus doesnt really care#or at least never interrogates that in the text itself#anyway! still positive experience to have a concise timeline and such#my posts
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rottenboystheoryoflove · 4 days ago
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cocainecowgrrl · 4 days ago
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womp womp
#I’ve fucking ruined everything again. Cool cool#the only thing I have now is my job and if I actually try and get help which I probably need now I will lose that too#radical#I’m just fucking scared and alone with my thoughts here#all my support system is 900mi away#this is so fucking dumb but I miss my mom and I just want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok and that it will get better#it just never feels like anything gets better for me#I’m so so tired of making my life worse#I feel like such an abject failure and defective life form#like I’m fucking worthless below the fucking dirt#the only thing I’m good for is my job and my work and I can’t lose that either#i have a psych appointment on Friday and I’m fucking terrified they’re going to send me to the hospital#-_-#dumb shit yapping#I don’t think anyone is reading this I don’t really want to talk about anything though I am just venting to the wind#I can’t tell any of my irl friends this tho bc they’d be concerned#which rightfully so but I don’t want to burden them with that knowledge#I just do not know how much longer I can keep doing this and being alive#I kept crying on new years bc I was scared and I don’t think I can make it until 2026#and I just feel so fucking unfixable and defective that therapy and meds aren’t actually going to fix what’s wrong with me#it goes deeper I am inherently flawed and subhuman#there are a lot of core human moments in life that I just never will experience#i can’t lie to myself and act like I’m the same kind of person things Can get better for#I’ve always been like this#built differently built wrong#I’m gonna go take a nap and watch co09 again#not gonna do nothing just try and shut my brain off#last time I had a really bad mental breakdown though my mom took me to go get boba bc I couldn’t eat anything#and I know she’s my mom and she has to but like#It was just really comforting and touching in a way that I can’t do for myself
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
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tariah23 · 4 months ago
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That post about liking Nero……
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byberbunk2069 · 1 year ago
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youtube
A Phantom Liberty mission getting the title of one of my favorite songs (and thinking about the song while doing that mission is emotional torture) is great
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