#she's fine she's just unwell
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i woke up last night in the middle of the night with the terrible, terrible thought that one day, hulijing would pass, and then it would be like li lianhua is gone for good
#and then i couldn't stop thinking about it#and then i wrote 1200 words about fang duobing and di feisheng and hulijing traveling (and aging) together in a world without li lianhua#i'm not well#mysterious lotus casebook#i'm not well.#cw: pet death#my dog is sick i think that's why#she's fine she's just unwell#like me#update itâs now 1700 words#my ramblings
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It is @cashweaselâs bday today!!!! I donât rlly have words I just wanna let u know ily and appreciate u bestie and I hope your day is amazing as u <3 also yea I thought the blorbos absolutely needed to be animated smooching I hope u like it fhdkfjdkdjdjd
#I was gonna die idk why I thought that in like 2 days I should do this#I already be fighting yazan and I was like yk whatâd be fun! fighting hi#m like 22 different times :D#worth tho look at them#I am in fact unwell#the way they look at each other will always be everything#triumphantt art#my art#this could be smoother but this was a GIFt so i had to finish it loll#tw I sat and analyzed how he looks at her lips nd how she moves closer fhdjdjdjdjd Iâm fine#also the smile into the kiss#itâs all v intentional and important#k byeeeeee#ly bestie#kiyazan#oc: Kiara#yazan hadidi#certified blorbo in law#I want to add more frames to it some day#perhaps#for now they just đŠââ¤ď¸âđâđ¨
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How I Met My Soulmate
Available digitally
Available in print
#i am unhealthy about them#genuinely unwell#im sorry but#theyre both hot???#its rude#and hes so kind and considerate#i mean he complains a lot#but thats just fine#and shes so bold#im so proud of her#manga#manga recommendation#screencaps#romance#manga panel#shoujo#shojo#fyres hyperfixations#josei#uni setting#kodansha#how i met my soulmate#you are the one i am destined to fall in love#unmei no hito ni deau hanashi
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I'm putting together my costume for tomorrow as the ghost of a mad lighthouse keeper, and I put it on to see which sweater works best, and I realized that without the ghost makeup I'm basically cosplaying a miniature Peter Lukas
#sword speaks#I have a whole backstory for my ghost too#they got mercury poisoning and it made them believe that their wife was sick. So sick she didn't even know it#and because mercury was in lots of medicines back in the day they decided to secretly dose her with straight mercury#it's her 'medicine' and of course they're taking it too but in much smaller doses as a preventative#when the wife eventually dies their final thread of reality snaps and they believe their wife is just asleep#even after her flesh begins to rot even after she is naught but bone they sleep beside her#and talks to her as if she's still alive#and when her skull eventually falls off they start to carry it around with them when they do the lighthouse chores#because it's good to have the company and their glad she can find the time now that she's on sick rest#they still feed her the mercury and there are periods that they can't stop laughing#but everything is fine cause they're working and with their wife how could anything be wrong?#and don't you look a bit unwell yourself? They have some medicine here that'll do wonders for you
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my dog might die tonight
my mom's depressed and emotionally exhausted, to the point she slurs her words and feels like a zombie most days
has said to my face she doesn't want to fix it
that soon her mom will die and me and my sister are grown so...
we don't need her
and my dog's old and sick
in pain
at the vet getting oxygen and medication
to see if he'll make it through the night
and thank god he's there, so he doesn't have to suffer
but he's not next to us
he might die alone away from us
i think there's some poetic bullshit there
he would die in pain by our side
but he has a chance to survive away from us
and if he doesn't make it till the next day he'll die alone, but without pain
i just want to take everyone's pain away
but I can't
i can't fix it
it's not up to me
i can't do shit
#i was already expecting it#my dog's old#and he hasn't been well for a while now#it's fine#just want him to go in peace#i'd like it if he was comfortable near the people he loves#but like as long as he isn't in pain i'm happy#it's everything else that's making me have a breakdown#i was already tired and mentally unwell before learning WHY my mom had been like this#when she finally fessed up about the depression/exhaustion it took away the weight of not knowing how or why she got like that#but it's not easy hearing your mom basically says she wants to die#don't worry my sister already scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for her#she also got tests done to see if she had signs of dementia and shit#and she's working where i am right now#and i can see how hard it is for her#but i can't do much to help her#and i can see how everyone else is kind of done with her#but she isn't incompetent...she's smart and a good worker#but her brain is fucking cooked and i dont think she should be working#by now i'm literally just venting#in the tags#and just ignore this#ignore me#this was just a long time coming#everything is fine#mine
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tim eyeing lucy teetering on her feet while heâs having a discussion with grey or other authorities outside of a particularly gruesome crime scene until he notices her eyes rolling back, diving in right at the knick of time to catch his unconscious girlfriend before she hits the ground to parallel the s1 finale PLEEEEAAASSE!!!!!!!!
#*and this is icarly!#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well#i'm just imagining tim pulling up to the scene and immediately clocking that something's off w/ lucy when he gets out of the car#and of course he's concerned and asks her if she's okay or tells her straight up that she looks unwell#to which she reassures him that she's fine until he eventually caves to her pointing him in the direction of someone who wants to talk to h#but the whole tim he's standing in front of grey/angela/someone else he's paying no attention to them his eyes are solely focused on lucy#until he suddenly swoops in to catch her and slowly craddle her limp body to the ground#his thumb brushing her cheek as he desperately tries to gently shake her back to consciousness
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"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that
#joking but like. am I wrong though#yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell#except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem#I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning.#and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me.#I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it#this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think#mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction#but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face#anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops#also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend??#well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie#really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level#mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child#but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful#oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships#ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS#literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them#there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine#guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry#narcissus's echoes#vent
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terrible relative has reached a new level of awful that i just. cannot understand. i cannot understand how anyone can be this AWFUL
(tw animal cruelty, pet death, genuinely have never needed to use these tags before but fuck me)
tonight she decided to tell this "fun" story about how my (now deceased) grandad had once been asked to look after a coworker's pet bird, and somehow while he was looking after it, the bird got out of its cage, and he couldn't get it back in again so he just let it out of the window.
there was just this silence. i was like "on... on purpose?" thinking surely not. no one is that cruel. she's worded this poorly, it must have been an accident, the window was open and the bird escaped because they didn't have time to close it or something
but then she was like "of course on purpose! well he wasn't going to mess around trying to get it back in, what else was he supposed to do?"
i was like?? you cannot be serious. i actually felt sick. "what was he supposed to do?" well he sure as fuck wasn't supposed to DELIBERATELY RELEASE A HELPLESS DEFENCELESS ANIMAL OUTSIDE TO DIE A CRUEL AND UNNECESSARY DEATH, ON FUCKING PURPOSE, BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH THE MINOR INCONVENIENCE OF DEALING WITH HIS OWN FUCKUP OF LETTING IT OUT
i almost cried. it's actually one of the worst things i have ever heard. someone trusted him to look after their bird and he killed it. he just. deliberately killed it because he deemed its life unworthy of the minor inconvenience of trying to catch it. and she told us this like it was a fun silly anecdote and not a horrific recounting of neglect and animal abuse
and then she had the gall to laugh at me and say "it was just a bird, i grew up on a farm, we don't care about these things." WELL YOU SHOULD. YOU HEARTLESS WITCH.
#hey folks pls dont reblog this! just venting. thank you#i wish she wouldnt tell me any more abt him because every time she does i just hate him more#i actually have good memories of him. like he was always fine and nice to me growing up#but as i get older im learning that he was a total bastard and i hate it#and i hate HER for being so fucking senselessly awful#im actually starting to wonder if she's unwell because she's never ever behaved like this#at this point it feels actively malicious. like she's deliberately trying to provoke me by being as nasty as possible#i don't understand how someone can BE like this
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woe, autism be upon ye!!!
#mod âď¸ speaks#we finally getting off the string with this one boys!!!!#the worm is free!!!!#sig: wonder why i want to go to suns before moon. probably because i need help thats it#sig honey you want to shag them nasty style /j#anyways i like my iterators how i like my men. depressed and mentally unwell.#i should say this now bc its not obvious. wind uses mirror pronouns in this fic and we'll see that in 100 chapters when we get to suns#also SPOILER moon just got fucking ascended by saint and sig is like: she's fine she's sleeping :)#mate that woman just got sent to super hell#i wrote 4k words of this in one sitting after complaining about how stuck i was#ANYHOO ENJOY
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"im going to start eating at 5pm again, no later than 6, and you are too"
"im not hungry around 6, ill just eat later, you can eat then"
"im not making two dinners!"
"yeah, i dont expect you to, ill just make dinner for myself"
"thats two sets of dishes!!"
"its two sets of dishes anyway, and i always do my own dishes anyway"
"im going to drop dead one day and im telling the rest of the family that its your fault"
DERANGED BEHAVIOUR.
#charlie.txt#vent#shes complaining bc we didnt eat until 7pm today and shes feeling light headed except....... she literally didnt get back into the house#until 6:30?????????????#how the fuck is that my fault or problem???????#she wants to eat earlier so i say thats fine ill just make myself smth later#HOW IS THAT UNREASONABLE#ARE YOU MENTALLY UNWELL
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#I do this thing where I keep comparing myself and my life to other people my age who live like ânormal livesâ where they live with just#their partner and work decent-ish paying jobs#and donât live near family/have large family obligations#like I make slightly more than minimum wage#my health stuff had been getting worse#my fiancĂŠ is disabled/chronically ill and working her ass off so she doesnât have excess energy#which leaves a lot of house work on me#which is fine and I donât mind#and our household is me my fiancĂŠ my 23 yo sister and weâve all lived together for like 3 years now and my sister makes a lot more money &#helps with house stuff#/âmaintenance#but my younger sister and her 9 month old moved in at the beginning of summer because her baby daddy is a scum bag#and sheâs 20 and really mentally unwell#so a lot of baby care falls on me & my fiancĂŠ#along with trying to help my sister with her mental health#which is like not normal levels of unwell itâs like serious shit and sheâs completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not#adjusting to motherhood well cause she was 19 and shouldnât have had a baby#and like she knows that but whatâs done is done#she canât move back in with my parents because her relationship with them is too fucked#and like thereâs also complicated stuff safety and bad ppl in her life so thatâs a stress inducing factor#sheâs unemployed and Iâm not sure will ever be able to work and canât drive#not her fault just the reality we live in#also weâre the ppl who live closest to my grandmother whoâs health has been rapidly declining so a lot of that has fallen on my other sister#and me to manage#I also have to pet sit a lot because I need the money#and when I come home I have to spend all my time getting the house back in order#also Iâm about to be losing a days worth of pay starting September cause the kids I nanny are doing two half days a week of prek#which means less money & with these grocery bills and two more mouths to feed is gonna fuck me in the ass#so like yeah I donât have the time or energy for hobbies I spend all my damn free time trying to keep the house clean or taking care of#The baby & like itâs just the way it is but itâs not comprable to how all the ppl I knew in highschool r living rn
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i'm late as fuck but The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess has a fucking chokehold on me rn
#like she really said ''get it hot like papa john'' and i'm somehow fine with it. what witchcraft#i've had Redwine Supernova for a while now and i keep seeing/hearing other songs everywhere so i finally but the bullet and ouughghghh#i'm unwell actually#haven't finished it all just yet but i am. drowning in Rachel's Stage Persona thoughts. like. Like.#(coughing up 2012 flavored blood) have you ever heard of Electra Heart?#Electra Heart and also Pure Heroine songs feature a lot on my (out of control) rach playlist. and some of these songs r def in that vibe#it's The Image. the Everything's Perfect; Look At Me; Everything's Perfect. the I'm Everything You Want But I Don't Know Who I Am#oh Speaking of. Look At Me by Sabrina Carpenter. heard that recently. very Rachel flavored#very Rachel + timelooper Max mirroring flavored (yes watch me make it angst music i cannot be stopped)#okay. rachel brainrot moment of the day over. Sorry#nebular.txt
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oh. hm.
#i had a realization today and now i feel so absolutely horrible.#when i was out w friends today one of them wasn't having a good time and stepped out for a moment#and in the back i could hear the other 2 whispering to each other basically abt how she's been like this last time they hung out too#the consensus unspoken was that there was sth off. but they kinda just kept moving along. i stepped out for a bit bc i felt like idk.#she's out alone on the streets someone has to make sure she's okay right.#when I'm back one of them goes oh i was just wondering where you were. as if everything is normal.#after a bit of wandering around in the store the other goes oh where is xxx? as if we weren't all there when she said she's gonna step out.#as if they didn't discuss her behavior right after.#and it suddenly reminded me of when i found my ex with her head buried in her hands when i was gone for a bit.#and i was like oh what's going on and the other 2 there were just chatting and one of them just is like idk she's sleeping.#She Was Crying. I was so. idk. i was panicking i was so worried. And I was so mad too bc how could they not notice a friend being unwell??#and i hated myself for it bc it was my fault for leaving her there and i had her id and it was really my fault and i wouldn't have known#i wouldn't have known that. idk. i thought she was left with people who were her friends who should then pay attention to her wellbeing#idk i. i would have trusted my friends to take care of or at least be aware of how i feel.#but we left for a bit and nobody even noticed. what happened. someone even texted asking where did we go.#and idk it's just the same thing i just realized and connected the dots. they will pay lip service. they will tell u they care abt u.#and they will echo it among themselves oh i worry abt xxx is xxx okay oh yeah xxx has been acting like this as if it actually does anything.#and nobody will actually make sure later on. that she is actually. doing fine. that they can do what's good for her atm.#and God. I'm just realizing that. idk. i. i wish i could've been a better support for my ex if she really had needed it at the time. idk.#i was just listening to what other ppl were telling me. but i. i didn't think it through. if these are the ppl she has for support.#if they didn't care to make me feel cared for. if they didn't care to check if she was okay back then. idk i. God.#oh God. what if i fucked up majorly. god. oh god. idk i just thought they treated me like that bc thry we're mad at me#but what if it's. not a me issue. and i shouldn't have trusted that other ppl would take care of her. bc they aren't. trustworthy in that.#ugh but at the same time. she asked for space from me. what else was i supposed to assume than that she didn't want me around?#at the very very least at least I'm sure her family loves her a lot and will care for her and make sure she's okay. god. i hope so.#idk!! i care but in my position i don't think me caring or wanting to help does anything. she doesn't want my support. she doesn't want me.#idk it's something wrong w me probably i genuinely don't know. she's the one telling me she's worried I'm pushing ppl away so.#it's not behavior she condones ig so it makes no sense if she does it herself if she believed i was good for/to her but still pushed me away#so in conclusion There's gotta be something that i fucked up There's gotta be sth wrong w me but i. god. i.#i have so much to nitpick with myself i genuinely don't even know if I'm a good measure or judge of what i did wrong or right.
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#my mom is do stingy its like shes mentally fucking unwell whats her problem#she KNOWS i got bullied out of work and just sent an email saying im getting kicked off the familys car insurance august 5#and smothered it in this gross toxic positivity like 'your sisters had even less in their savings youll do fine :)'#THEY DIDNT HAVE TO COVER AUTO. YOURE FUCKING INSANE#she just takes on this dripping sickeningly sweet tone when shes not gonna be argue with but knows she's saying something hurtful#jesus christ i dont know what to do#the only job offers i got are at least 30 miles away and have the most measly pay... i dont know what im gonna do#and like a few years ago this could be reasonable but like. now my parents CAN be supportive#i do not understand why shes so eager to be financially unsupportive she's actually fucking unwell#its like this itching compulsion to be so stingy no matter whos hurt or what relationships are damaged
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atkh soon come??
Ahhh thank you for sending me this ask I was low key kind of thinking maybe no one would notice if the update was suuupppper late (and by that I mean hopefully tomorrow).
The original plan had been to finish up the chapter yesterday. BUT THEN I managed to give myself a mild case of heatstroke / sun poisoning at the barn yesterday (yay summer) and basically spent most of the day laying on my cold tile floor with my work laptop wishing I was anywhere else. I went to bed at 6:30pm that's how bad it was. And then so today I was playing catch up on all the work stuff I didn't really do yesterday because I was laying on the cold floor wishing I had remembered to drink Gatorade. Which means I have not even looked at the chapter since earlier in the week and it is in fact not finished đ BUT I'm actually finally starting to actually feel better (yay!) and the plan is to finish it tomorrow - hopefully before the Oilers / Panthers game. I'm so sorry for the delay, and thank you so much for checking in about the update. I'm so grateful that you're enjoying ATKH and hope you continue to do so. I hope your Friday is going better than mine and that you have a wonderful weekend!!
â¤ď¸Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#fanfiction#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#all the king's horses#equestrian au#atkh#im so sorry for the delay#i should have posted something#but if im being perfectly honest my head has still been a little foggy#it went from like regular wow its hot#to record breaking hot#really really fast and i did not prepare or adjust properly#it wasnt just me though one of my barn besties also got really fucked up by the heat yesterday#she was texting me this morning and was like âi am unwellâ and i was like same#Pop is fine though he is living his absolute best life#he has his own personal fan and a mister and is now only getting turned out at night#and the grooms pull him out and hose him off with cold water twice a day#and he gets plenty of electrolytes and he's a good drinker#idk how my trainer manages but their autowaterers are still cold in the summer#lol sometimes on the really hot days they'll freeze gatorade in like donut pans or bundt pans#and hang it for them to lick#he loves when he gets to have a pony popsicle#i was so unwell yesterday though omg#it was bad#i cant remember the last time i felt so miserable
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#I'm having anxiety for some reason which is an unfamiliar physical feeling for me#I do depression and my SISTER does anxiety we're the mental illness brothers you see#but nooo apparently she has lent me some anxiety or whatever#anyway I was feeling useless and kind of like shit about how I never do anything anymore#and never get anything done or help around the house or even clean up my own living space#so I just decided I was gonna get out of bed at three in the morning and sweep the whole house#which like. that's fine I guess#and I wouldn't sit down or take a break even when I wanted to stop because I have got to!! start fucking doing things I can't just#be a lump that complains and consumes resources all my life#but anyway that was a bad idea or whatever bc my hands and feet got real hot and red and now I feel like I'm gonna frow up#I'm laid out on the couch near the phone charger. save me phone charger. charger for my phone save me#so what do we think am I feeling unwell from the activity because I don't do the activity enough or because I am just unwell#last time I swept a large area AND mopped was less than a month ago#I. also had to lay down after that actually except I was at work#just laid across a row of seats like yeah just. gimme a fuckin second to necromancy myself here#anyway#I'm a lil anxious bc of my neurology appointment I guess?? it's either that or the Wellbutrin#OR a yet to be identified food sensitivity maybe??#I actually have no fucking clue I just have a bunch of ideas ranked by plausibility#I'm. a little dizzy and the nausea is mcgetting me#farewell cruel world it's been nice knowing u
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