#which is like not normal levels of unwell it’s like serious shit and she’s completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not

[damndude69]

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[racheyace]

Sick Day (GT)

Just a small short story featuring cute fairy/human fluffiness. Enjoy :)

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It was ten AM and Shylah was still asleep, Michael had left her alone on his pillow earlier in the morning after his failed attempts to rouse her, she was clearly exhausted and so decided to let her get her rest.

Michael had kept himself busy, tidied up their small apartment, caught up a bit on work and was just getting ready to sit down and do some painting with his mug of coffee in hand when he heard it.

If his ears weren’t already adapt to hearing the sounds of small beings it would have gone unheard, but he had gotten used to listening for the sounds of the Fae folk. A tiny cough and harsh snorts could be heard coming from his bedroom. Carefully he walked towards his room and cracked the door open to peak in at his diminutive wife sitting up on his pillow and wiping her red nose on the sleeve of her nightshirt.

She looked up at him as he quietly approached the bed and sat down in front of her. Normally the slight rocking of the immense man sitting on the bed wouldn’t affect her too much but this time she rocked uneasily and shook the dizziness from her eyes.

“Uhh I feel like complete shit” she murmured rubbing her temples before wiping more snot onto her shirt.

Without hesitation he scooped her up in his hands and brought her up to his face, he could see clearly now just how pale she was, her nose was red and her eyes bloodshot, even her gossamer wings laying still against her back seemed a little dim this morning.

“You definitely don’t look very well, are you sure your gonna be able to make it to the meeting tonight?” he asked her, voice full of concern.

“I can’t miss, we are making final plans for the winter solstice tonight, the Fae committee will be furious if I miss it” she finished off with a strong sneeze that seemed to take the wind out of her and she fell back in his palm. She buried her face in her hands and sniffled.

“I think they can either postpone or make plans without you this year, you need rest babe if you want to get better” Michael lowered her level with his chest and held her securely there as he began to walk towards the door, ready to set her up with Panadol, a hot cup of tea and lots of tissues.

“I’m fine *achoo* it’s only a couple of hours *achoo* I’ll be fine” he watched as she continued to sneeze and look bleary eyed up at him as he continued towards the kitchen.

“Your calling in sick, the elders wont appreciate you spreading your illness” the kettle was on and he raised her back up to eye level, she glared at him, crossed her arms and sniffled.

“I’m fine” she grumbled, she eyed the kettle in distaste “And I can make my own tea thank you very much” not a second later she was on her feet, she shook the dizziness from her eyes once more from standing up too fast and then leaped from his hands.

Her wings weakly flapped to keep her in the air but she was loosing altitude, she breathed heavily as she slowly descended to the floor landing on her hands and knees with tears leaking from her eyes. Shylah was always independent from the moment they met, she refused to let him simply take care of her, she could look after herself. Now, she couldn’t even fly, the essence of her independence, gone.

She felt the ground beneath her tremble as her human husband approached her, the shifting of immense fabric told her he was crouching down behind her.

She felt a warm pressure on her shoulder where his finger had reached for her to offer comfort in her clearly distraught state. A second later the rest of his fingers gently wrapped around her body and lifted her up to his chest where he held her there in a hug.

“Everyone deserves a break sometimes babe” he whispered into her hair “today, just this once, can you let me take care of you, like a husband should” the love and concern in his deep voice soothed her like a balm and she nuzzled deeper into his chest.

“Okay” she said softly, she looked up into his deep green eyes whirling with worry “just this once” she conceded.

The relief on his face was evident, carefully he stood up, he picked up her cup of lemon tea between a finger and thumb and headed for the couch. Once he got comfy, he set his wife down in his lap, she leaned back against his stomach as he held a hand over her like a blanket. He then set down a ripped-up bit of tissue beside her and handed her the teacup.

After several hours of watching particularly girly romcoms he looked down at Shylah to see she had fallen asleep curled up in his lap and held snuggly against his abdomen, he smiled softly down at her. As gently as he could, he trailed a finger through her hair, down her spine and gently over her wings, she sighed contentedly.

Michael was so engrossed by the serenity of his wife that he didn’t even notice a Fae Official had flown through the window and was currently standing on the arm of the couch looking at the scene with mild interest.

“So this is the reason Shylah missed the Winter Solstice meeting, she was getting petted by her human husband” Michael flinched in surprise at the unexpected visitor and turned to see Jonah standing right beside him on the arm of the couch with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked deadly serious especially in his official uniform, he waited patiently for the giant to answer.

“God, Jonah, you scared me” Michael said to which Jonah smirked in amusement, scaring a being so much larger than yourself was not usually this easy.

“Shylah is sick, she’s so weak she can barely fly” Michael explained, Jonah looked down at his sleeping friend in Michael’s lap with concern.

Jonah sighed unable to hold up the angry official façade especially with one of his closest friends so unwell “the elders will understand, this is the first time she’s ever missed a meeting” he flew down and landed a few feet away from Shylah on Michaels knee. He had been around the human long enough to know he could be trusted.

“It looks like your taking good care of her” he said after a moment, he then looked up at Michael “Um, I’ll be sure to let the elders know of her current condition. If she is well enough tomorrow tell her to come to the village, they will want to discuss the outcome of the meeting with her” and with that Jonah gave a small nod and took to the sky headed for the open window.

Michael gave a small sigh and snuggled down further into the cushions being careful not to jostle Shylah too much, he then pressed play on another random movie and let his own eyes flutter closed, content to enjoy the peacefulness around him.

[sambart93]

2018.11.28 BACK COAT〜裏裁判 UraSaiban / Backdoor Trial [Review]

Official Site here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2

Synopsis: After investigation, witnesses to a murder decide that the perpetrator is Innocent. Because of this, the witnesses are left once again to go back and recount their version of what happened and what of the victim. There are only 3 rules in this scenario: The real perpetrator is within their group; you must choose Guilty or Innocent; you must decide there and then even if it’s not the real perp. What happens next?

CAST and CHARACTERS 

Kuranuki Masahiro as Utsunomiya Saku Domoto Shouhei as Tominaga Tatsuya Terumi as Nakano Shouta Arima Ayaka as Hanamura Kasumi Kuramichi Sena as Utsunomiya Ruin Yashima Yakuma as Nikaido Kouki Haneshima Shouta as Ketsushiro Toshiya  Hatsuki Nozomi as Endo Kiriko Okabe Naoya as Ichijyo Hikari Nakajima Kazuhiro as Kisu Makoto Chatani Yuho as Terajima Kae Nakagawa Emi as Enjyouji Aya Saikatsu as Koinuma Shun

* Non-Spoiler Overall: This was great! It’s the style and theme of story and stage that I love. I absolutely love; people forced in a room that they can’t escape and they suspect each other and there’s no trust and there’s underlying secrets and motives and people turn on each other and people die - everything I love in my dark, messy stories! And they executed it so well! I enjoyed it so much! I loved the story, the mystery, the twist parts, the punch ending. It was all so good! And at the peak / climax of the play, the acting from all of them was phenomenal. It was so well done. The only thing that stopped me from being so invested and so emotionally into it was the fact that the guy next to me was snorting and sniffing up his snot every 10 seconds throughout the entire play and drove me absolutely mental. Rating: 7/10.  If that dick hadn’t been there to ruin my experience, this could’ve easily been a 8 - 9 rating I think.

*

Spoiler Review

Main Plot - 12 people (9 witnesses, 1 accused and 2 court staff) have been gathered to decide whether the accused, Enjyouji Aya, should be found guilty or innocent of killing Saku’s sister Ruin. However, when the final judgement is made, only 7 people find her guilty, while the actual brother and his childhood friend Tatsuya rule her innocent. Saku pleads for them all to go back to the beginning and to recount everything they witnessed. Because there is non consensus the court staff lock them inside the room and have to start all over again. No one can leave until everyone agrees on one judgement. And there are three guidelines to the lock down which are:

1. The perpetrator IS within their group. 2. You must choose (one) Guilty or Innocent. 3. You must decide there and then even if it’s not the real perp.

So in the story we go through every person’s account and experience that they had with Rui. At first everyone is very positive saying how much they enjoyed her company and how much of a joy she was to be around. But then they get to Aya and she breaks it down. She turns around to Saku in a half-evil-cackle and says ‘do you really think they’re telling the truth? Do you really think this is what they think of your sister? She was evil. She was horrid!’ and she cracks through the rest of the characters’ true personalities. It soon comes to light that she was physically and mentally abusive to everyone around her, and they say the only way she was acting such a way was because Saku himself was being to harsh on her. Apparently he was strict in that: she must go to school, she must eat properly, she mustn’t go and stay out late, she mustn’t have a boyfriend, and she felt that all her freedom had been taken away, and in turn that led her to take her anger out on the neighbours and everyone who cared for her. ‘And that’s why,’ Aya begins, ‘when she asked me to help her fake her suicide so she could shock and knock some sense into you (Saku), I just.... let her die.’ Saku begins to break down; he knows he was strict on her but that was because he didn’t want her to get hurt again, he wanted her to be safe so she didn’t end dying like their parents did. But obviously he was too strict and it made her go strange and mentally unwell. But towards the end of the stage, Ichijo Hikari speaks up ‘it was you that drove her to her death. She was being manipulated. I saw her... I saw her and Tatsuya talking,’ which brings Saku’s childhood friend underfire. Here, Tatsuya goes into manic laughter and completely cracks, he says he wanted to ruin what was left of Saku’s family because he was sick of seeing them (Saku & Rui) making fun of him (Tatsuya) and his situation (his family abandoned him and when he finally refound them, they acted like they didn’t know who he was). He said ‘I know you were laughing at me. Pitying me. There’s no way you were really being kind.’ When Tatsuya was left alone, Saku became his friend and he brought him home and let them have dinner together and everything. But Tatsuya, being hurt too much and too deeply, always thought Saku was just being malicious (which is completely wrong), so he wanted to get revenge: that was manipulating Rui and giving her the idea of ‘pretend to kill yourself. It’ll be the biggest surprise to Saku and it’ll make him stop being so strict on you’ so silly Rui goes through with it and that’s what led to her death. By this point, everyone is crying and emotionally ruined, and the staff of the court ask them to decide who should be held accountable for the death of Rui. Saku puts his hand up. Everyone protests that he’s innocent but he says ‘I found a letter from her. It came through the mail a year after her death. I did her wrong. I just want to go and see my sister.’ so he begs everyone to judge him ‘guilty’ so he can get the death penalty and join his sister. Of course, everyone doesn’t want to do this but it’s either this or they have to choose another among them to be found Guilty. And the stage ends with them judging him ‘guilty’, he gets on a wooden crate, puts the noose rope around his neck and lights out.

*

I am not giving the story justice. The intricacies and seeing them break down one by one, and seeing the scenes with Rui and the others. It was just phenomenal acting and the way things came to light and revealed were so well done and so great! I really wish I had been able to see this one or two more times. Because I was so invested and I found everyone’s acting to be top notch! There are some specific scenes and things I would like to talk about though:

☆ Domoto Shohei’s acting when he goes from ‘normal childhood friend’ to ‘batshit crazy’ to ‘realising what he’s done and just breaking down completely’ was so amazing to witness. He flowed so effortlessly between these stages and emotions! I was SO impressed! This was definitely his best acting I’ve seen of him so far! I cannot give enough praise to how well he did. I felt so sorry for him too! You should HATE HIM. You should HATE how he manipulated Saku’s sister, but then you learn that he just wasn’t loved and he was abandoned and his parents are more to blame for his messed-up-ness than him. And you pity him for assuming Saku’s actions were through malice rather than Saku genuinely wanted to look after him. And this huge misunderstanding led to him doing something so unforgivable. Yes you should hate him but the character’s story and Domoto’s acting just... you can’t hate him at all!

☆ I really enjoyed Arima Ayaka’s acting too. I love how Kasumi went from ‘oh yeah she was a darling and I loved spending time with her’ to (when everything gets revealed) ‘she was abusive! She found out that me and Toshiya were dating and she threatened to leak the information. She also hit my all the time! She fucking sucked!’ which was great acting. The scene where Rui is hitting Kasumi had some really good acting. The actors themselves would push each other and a lot of parts were physically real so I was impressed with the trust between the actors and such for those moments. 

☆ Sena did a great job as the sister. She had very few scenes because she was only really in the flashbacks but she did a great job! She could switch her feelings and emotions very well which was great! I love how her outfit is a white dress which could mean so many things: innocent, death, ghost, haunting etc. Good choice in clothing!

☆ I was super surprised to see Yashima Yakuma in this! I didn’t know he was in the cast! I am bias. I really like his face and his acting and this role of ‘serious’ and part of the court team was great!

☆ I really liked Hikari as a character. At first he just seems like a hungover, irresponsible guy, but then we learn that he’s got the key information to unlocking the mystery of ‘what happened to Rui’.  He’s a sweet guy the entire time. He tries to calm people down and tries to stay level-headed and he really is the only character out of them who’s guilty of NOTHING. Also I loved his hair, but that’s irrelevant to the story.

☆ Kudos to Emi who did this dramatic reveal right at the beginning. She’s the one that’s like ‘oh quit the act everyone! We all hated her! Admit it!!’ and her craziness lasts the entire performance. She really does not give a shit and she just lets all the secrets out! I really love how when she’s telling her stories of Rui, she did things like get on the table and prance around and such.

Like I said, I am not doing this story justice and I wish I’d seen it a few more times so I could get more information and find more scenes to love. And as mentioned above, I had the biggest sniffler and snorter next to me the entire time which that took me out of the story SO much. I literally had to watch the stage with one finger in my right ear so I could somewhat block out the idiot’s noises. But alas, I hope this short, short review will suffice.

*

And that’s all! I have a SHIT TON (I’m not joking) of reviews and reports I am behind on, dating back to like June I think which is BAD. I need to get this shit done asap seriously. I must! xD

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm) 2.0: On the Topic of a Leaf

OK this one’s different. i exercised a Coping Skill, and went for a walk in the cemetery, because the cemetery is a place where i feel among the dead, and realize i am not under the ground rotting like them, yet.

did my thing, walked around to the chant in my head, and I came to a point, a tipped over gravestone, where I stopped and sat down. it was all very, you know, I Don’t Need To Eat I Don’t Need To Eat It’s Too Expensive No Food No Food Money Is More Important up to this point. it still is, tbh, because i’m still unfucking that thought process, learning re-balance. 

so, yeah, I sit down, I’m kinda freaking out, and something just goes, “consider a leaf.”

and like, I knew which leaf, it was just there, right in front of me.

so, i’m looking at this leaf, considering it. it’s just a dead, yellow, wet leaf, on the ground, with a black mark from something like a leaf-borer. just looking, you know.

so, in some order I can’t clearly remember or explain, because my meditations get like that, “I” start asking questions.

Where did the leaf come from? A tree.

Why did it fall off? It’s full of waste. It’s old. It had to go.

What is that process? Senescence. 

somewhere around here, everything but the leaf gets fuzzy, like static.

and then, a student is asking questions of his teacher. 

questions about, this is happening to me?

and answers about, yes, before your time, but only because there is no other way for you, right now. 

the student knows this much, because he knows he can’t always feel his body, and when he can feel it, he doesn’t respond to signals like “pain” and “hunger,” because he isn’t sure they’re physical, emotional, or simply able to be disregarded. 

the master knows this much, and that physical and emotional are the same, and that they can be disregarded, but that the student is looking to improve his health.

so -- here i’m seeing the leaf, i’m seeing the static, and i notice the grass and tarmac are one, and in motion like a river, but a river where the current flows both ways, alternating smoothly.

because the master and student exist in the same body, neither of them know exactly how to improve this body’s health. they have to look outside for that, and within.

this was looking within, and finding words for the experience of this body, which by convention, is I, or me.

and so, the student begins to cry, and the master comforts him, by doing everything and nothing at all. 

the student has to find another teacher, again, and there are many in the temple. some old ones, but also, some new ones.

and this is referring to my MSK referral. A new “teacher.”

I dodged it because I was afraid, right? But I know my collagen is wack, and that my ribcage is warped from over-binding, and though I kind of fucking love my twistedness, I don’t love the back and shoulder pain, or the daily cracking of bones. I also don’t love my hands and wrists hurting from like, you know, normal cooking and cleaning. I don’t love that my jaw falls out on the right hand side, and that I have to crack it back in. 

Like, I love it, because I can’t not, but it gets to the point where it hurts like hell, and because body damage is cumulative, especially with weak collagen, I gotta get it seen to. So I need to get referred again, and I need to go. It’s not magically going away, unfortunately, but I’m not so scared this time. 

The old teacher would be my counsellor.

The guy has been doing, like, really serious heavy long-term trauma work with me, for years. I’m still getting to the point the NHS offer counselling for, which is like, you know, “I’m having problems with my boss at work, and I don’t want to burden my wife with it.” I’ve still not spoken about the sexual traumas I have, because like, that shit’s so deeply personal, and I’d developed a lot of shame around that area of life, because I’d seen use and been used and was led not to talk about it. 

So yeah. While I’d like the work to be over, it’s not, but what’s changed is that I can see an end in sight where I don’t feel like I’m stuck out on a raft with a torn sail. More like a boat somebody gave me a hand in building, and let me put the paintwork on.

Another new teacher will be my social worker.

I’m scared as hell of her. She’s got blue eyes of a shade I’ve come to be very wary about, and I know she’s not anyone who has hurt me, but it’s still very, be on guard. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to that, because bodies can’t desensitize themselves instantly. 

Thing is, she’s going to help me get my debt cleared, or put together a payment plan. It racked up because I had an HC2, it expired, I got frightened and confused, doctors were saying “take your meds,” pharmacists were saying “it’s okay, check HC2, we’ll sort it later,” and like, I went along with it? Because I didn’t really know what else to do?

I’m off them now and managing, because if there is a med for me, those weren’t the ones any more (despite being really helpful to begin with). I’m just hoping it can be cleared, because how the fuck can I pay anything back on a student loan, as a student who’s gone part-time precisely because they were crashing and burning from full-time study plus recovery from long-term trauma?

So yeah.

The leaf floated on the river. 

The river was made of dinosaur oil, and bits of rock, and blades of grass that used to be seeds. 

There were other leaves, but they simply sank under the surface.

The leaf was alone.

I’m kind of a lot like that leaf right now. I’m alone. 

There is a “however.”

I bumped into an old friend and got his phone number. He seemed really happy to see me, and I was actually really happy to see him? Not scared? I told him my ego is dead. He said he already knew that. It was actually fucking great, and kind of sad, because he knew me when I was really ill, in the YMCA. He’s not who I expected to find afterwards, but I really do just keep running into him? And when I get a SIM card again, I’ll text him, and hang out, and you know, be something or other. 

So the leaf taught me a lot of things. 

Senescence is to age, the process of aging, being aged.

This brings me to my grandfather.

For an old man, he is not old at all. He’s doing the things a very young man does, with a guise of age and wisdom.

I’m realizing I could speak on the level of equals to him, because I’m a young man, who has had to live through emotional intensity many men don’t experience until they’re very old, or sometimes in their lives at all.

I’d been in contact with him unwell, and he was tolerant of it. When my body came to him especially sick, actively hallucinating, unwell, he treated me with increasing frustration and disregard, until he sent me away without a means of getting back to my own damn city. 

I could see him again, I probably will before he dies, but I don’t know that. My opinion of him has changed radically, I’m sure his of me has too. 

Remembering the feelings of my body tells me I was frightened, upset, alone, and then furious later, when I wasn’t, you know, re-experiencing the emotions of a terrified child, or hallucinating things. 

I tried imagining what I’d do in his position, and concluded this was fruitless, because I’m not him. 

I know what to make of it from the angle of this body. That was not “supportive family.” I am estranged from my family. 

I’m still in pursuit of the idea of having a (broadly) happy family, but I’m estranged because of all the pain and loneliness I felt around those people. It can’t be undone. It is the past of this perspective.

Is there a future where I don’t feel it? No. Is there a future where I re-establish a relationship with those people? Highly likely, possible, but unknown. What do I need to do in between? Build my own life, one that’s complete with or without them. Then what? See where I stand. 

Love and pain are two different sensations, but they can coexist, they will and do coexist. The thing is, when I think of my mother, I feel so much pain. Love too, because I know she did try, but the good-enough came far too late, and never was good-enough for me, perhaps because of That Beginning.

I understand why it went down that way. But I can’t change what I felt. I can sort of manage how I feel, in the moment, more-or-less in a direction. But that’s not the same as changing what you felt, what comes back in an emotional flashback-type situation. 

And I don’t know yet that I can, that I’ll ever be able to, look her in the eyes and tell her just how much she destroyed me, because I know she’s broken enough already that it just might destroy her further. I don’t want that for her. 

But I want to get furious with her. I want to tell her how much fucking work I’ve had to do. I want to tell her about the work. But there always was that look on her face, that “should you be taking those pills?”, that “are you sure you need this much help?”, that “I’m happy for you, but”. 

I don’t know. It takes me right back to a place of hurt and anger. That happened every time I went to visit, but I wasn’t as emotionally mature as I can become. Perhaps I will see her again, in a long time. Perhaps I won’t. I don’t know.

It’s very easy for me to believe whatever the person opposite me believes in order to avoid conflict. What I’m going to have to increasingly get the hang of is standing up for my perspective, verbally, and not folding to the other person with a push when on the inside, from my perspective, I disagree. 

My ego is dead, cloned, hologrammed, brain-uploaded-into-a-robot-ed, genetically modified, but my perspective isn’t.