#she’s very happy you picked those scenes since they had a lot of symbolism

[meraki-mark]

miss li fist things first, sorry for reducing your blog to that of a messenger pigeon, i swear that its a lot more than that

okay now miss tiffy im writing this off whatever i remember and phew i remember a lot, Aria- this fic's angst is good enough to make me turn in my own grave and ma'am i don't think you know how troubling that is

reading about m*rk and mc's relationship was like sailing in a cruise knowing that it was going to sink (shh bad analogy) and the pacing was beautiful!

smth about the mc and m*rk not satisfied with their majors hit home grr relating w a fanfic on such a personal level just got me staring at the wall for a good half hour (i hope this makes you turn in your grave)

well other than that renjun and mc's banters where very lively, mc and hyuck bullying m*rk made me choke on my spit and jeno was a wonderful ex now idk if there's a thing called a wonderful ex help this is just me whipped for my own bias

fav parts were all scenes which had fake-star gazing in jeno's bedroom in it haha i will never get tired of re-reading those

in short; *slams desk* now this is what you call pain

p.s. li im sorry for ranting in your inbox i tried to cut this as short as possible

I AGREE THE STAR GAZING WAS GREAT AND I LOVE YN AND RENJUNS RELATIONSHIP

okay uh @ tiffy from beyond the grave here’s the review,,, and anon if you have anything else to say to tiffy just send it in LMAO

[sumsebien]

by design pt. 3// Prince Friedrich

series masterlist

summary: friedrich and y/n’s arrival in prussia! ft. frederica ;))

word count: 4.7k

warnings: none

a/n: apologies for the long wait darlings. here she is though. and she is a long one. also a side note for those who love symbolism as much as i do 💐 ;) also, my banabaer @milkbaer this one is for u baby. thank you for all of your help!!!

a german lesson: Gänschen means goose🦆 (that’s a duck but we can pretend) and schloss means palace/chateau/mansion

The massive railway station stood proudly as the gateway to Potsdam, located right where the forest met the city. Three archways made of worn bricks welcomed old friends and strangers alike. There was something in the slightly tinted mossy green that offered you an odd sense of home. Like you had been here before.

Friedrich stood next to you near the exit. You had had breakfast together, then got ready separately before meeting each other again here.

“I had a lot of memories with this train station,” Friedrich said as the train finally passed the great archway.

You didn’t realize that you had been holding your breath the entire time, waiting for the wheels to come to full stop. You had been storing information from Lea and Ilse about Friedrich’s mother all morning. Anything that might help you strike up a decent conversation with her from her favorite flowers (gardenias) to her pets (a schnauzer named Fifi). Since then, you had been a little preoccupied by your own imaginations of her as a mother.

From the way Friedrich talked about her, your first guess was that they were extremely like-minded. Aside from that, there was the fact that she was a Queen to consider. She obviously must be extremely elegant and poised. Even her dog sounded posh-Fifi the Schnauzer...

You were still listening to Friedrich though, just not closely. “Really?” you asked, your eyes following the platform numbers as they passed by.

He nodded proudly. “I ran here from the Palace and caught the train to Berlin for a boxing match.”

You laughed, now entirely engaged in imagining little Friedrich fleeing from his guards. “And how old were you?”

“Thirteen. I skipped a dancing lesson.”

“Shame. You could have become a ballerina and outdone my stunts at your Christmas party.”

“Who’s to say that I did not? There are still many shocking things that you don’t know.” His plan to distract you from your own nerves had worked wonderfully well. You two continued to discuss his boxing match up until you were escorted out of the station.

There, you were greeted by a great spectacle of carriages and a horse parade. Everywhere you looked there were men in uniforms. They were on horses, in open top carriages, on the streets, all waiting for you and Friedrich.

Back in London, your family frequently had two to three carriages to accompany you to social functions. It was already considered excessive for the ton. You would have laughed at the idea of this. Or to be honest, wouldn’t have even been able to imagine having an entire parade to accompany you a couple of blocks down the street.

And of course, you could not forget the icing on the cake-the largest carriage you had ever seen. The one you saw in France could not compare and certainly not the one in England. This one was completely enveloped in gold from top to toe-or rather from roof to wheels. On the top of the roof, there were golden cherubs holding up an olive branch and flowers.

It was a harsh reminder that Friedrich, someone who you had grown to identify as your friend over the last several hours, was also the firstborn son of the King, heir apparent to the throne. And you were his wife. Whatever agreement you had made with each other in private was not valid in the public eye. Here, you were a Princess. The Princess.

As Friedrich watched you marvel in the magnificence of the royal parade, he turned to Heinrich with a last minute decision. Well last minute for his father and valet but not for him. Friedrich had wanted to visit his mother for ages.

“I’m heading to my mother’s. We’ll catch up with the staff afterwards and meet you at the Berlin Palace.”

All of this was not on the schedule his father had drawn out and Friedrich was well-aware. He had even cancelled the state train that Friedrich specifically ordered to Potsdam just to make sure he would not take you here first. But Friedrich was not one to lose.

At the same time, however, he knew that his valet was absolutely terrified of his father, as did most people. Soon enough, when his father found out that his son was not on the train to Berlin and was nowhere near the Royal Palace, he would definitely not be happy.

“But your Highness, we really must get going now or we won’t reach Berlin by noon.”

“If he asks, just blame it on me. I’ll be in and out in one hour.”

Heinrich didn’t say anything after that, just nodded. For that, Friedrich was thankful, he did not want to ruin this magical moment for you. It was not going to be this magical for long.

As Heinrich left with your staff, Friedrich turned back to you. “Y/N?”

“I-Is this for us?”

The look on your face made him laugh. Your jaws were grazing the floors, your eyes slowly sweeping across the scene then glanced at him and back to the carriages again.

“I believe it is,” he smiled, offering you his arm.

…

The entire ride back to the Palace was essentially just for you to fathom the welcome wagon.

You could barely string a sentence together, nodding along as Friedrich picked out places that he mentioned in his stories last night, especially enthusiastic about the candy shop he was never allowed to go in.

Potsdam was charming. You could certainly imagine a very fulfilling and peaceful existence here where it wasn't hectic like London but not entirely placid like the countryside.

Just when you thought you could not be more impressed, you arrived at Sanssouci Park.

When Ilse briefly mentioned it, you had expected a park. Like Hyde Park or Regent’s Park or the little garden behind your house that your parents insisted was a park. Whatever you had imagined, however, could not hold a candle to what it was in reality.

“Welcome to Sanssouci Park,” Friedrich said casually, casting a brief look out the windows while your eyes were completely glued to the towering gates opening up for your parade to pass through.

The name was not meant to refer to a park. It was definitely not a park. It was a bloody forest. As you entered the road lined with dense trees, the temperature dropped slightly with the shade, effectively cooling you both from the outside in.

“This is what you call a park? Whatever do you two think of Hyde Park then? A child’s sandbox?”

Before he could answer, your attention was quickly captured by a glimpse of something magnificent as the carriage passed a gap between the tree trunks. You pointed towards the dash of yellow you’d seen. “Is that where your mother lives?”

Friedrich followed your gaze and promptly nodded. “That’s Sanssouci Schloss. Here is the back of it.” Just on cue, the carriage rounded the corner and headed towards the back of the Palace.

Your jaws were officially off now as your eyes feasted on the very picture of splendor.

From personal observations, people usually spent a great deal of time and fortune on making the fronts of their homes as extravagant as possible. It was all in the face, as they said. But not here. Here, even the rear side was grand.

There was a huge water fountain in the middle of the yard, the blue sky printed on the surface. Naturally, your eyes followed straight ahead, past the window behind Friedrich’s head towards the most elaborate set of marble stairs you’d ever seen. On either side were tall walls of hedges and rose bushes that covered the hillside.

“Can we walk up those steps?”

Friedrich turned to look at the steps and then back at you again.

It was not a steep hill. More of a gentle slope but exactly because of that, the steps were long and the landings were wide. Anyone in breeches would find it challenging enough as it was. But you were in a gown, in the sweltering July heat and you were volunteering to walk. “You can. People usually go straight to the entrance though. Are you certain you’d want to walk? It is a long way.”

You nodded, brushing off his concerns. All you cared about was the sight.

Per your request, the carriage stopped right before the grand stairs to Sanssouci Palace. You and Friedrich got out of the carriage.

From where you stood, you had to crane your neck up slightly to be able to see the Palace up the top. The strip of yellow you’d seen from afar turned out to be much more intricate than you’d expected. Beautiful white windows lined the yellow walls, right in the center was an oval shaped room with a cyan dome on top, perfectly aligned with the stairs. Even though it only had one story, its width certainly made up for its height, stretching across the hill.

As you walked ahead, Friedrich decided to stall a little bit. Memories of endless summer days spent on these lawns came flooding back.

He had missed this.

The last time he was here was the summer before he left for England. It was actually here that his aunt Charlotte came to visit with an invitation to Cambridge-the day that changed his life.

And now he was here with you. Someone he had dreaded to marry a mere few days before. Now a dear friend to him.

Straight in front of him, you were marching up the steps with admirable determination, your hands holding onto your skirt, lifting it off the ground. With sun on your skin and wind in your hair, you laughed and told him to hurry up. For that split second, he wished he was not just your friend. Though he discarded that thought as quickly as it came, it stayed stuck in the back of his mind as he matched your pace.

“These are a lot of steps,” you remarked after the first flight of stairs was behind you. There were at least five more ahead. The excessively wide spaces between each step did not help with the general morale either.

“I did warn you,” he chuckled. “It was too exhausting a trip that Marie Antoinette rode a horse up these steps after her stroll in the garden.”

You paused for a moment.

Friedrich thought you were imagining the French queen trotting up the steps with her stallion. But as it turned out, he was wrong.

“Did he invite her over during one of the military clashes between Prussia and France?”

To say that Friedrich did not expect that was an understatement. You had told him you read but he never asked for the specifics on what exactly you were interested in. At that moment, he simply thought you’d be interested in a made-up tale to forget about the stairs. He did not think for a moment you’d be interested in foreign conflicts enough to know the feud between Prussia and France. He knew he certainly wasn’t as a student.

“You can’t fool me. I know,” you said, laughing at the shock on his face.

Pleasantly impressed, he remarked, “Full of surprises I see.”

“You’ll see that in this friendship,” you motioned between yourselves, “you’re not the only one who can shock.”

He gave you a nod, lowering his eyes and watched his steps before he murmured to himself. “Friendship, yes.” He reminded himself of how grateful he was to be your friend. And that maybe pining over you for the rest of his life was better than having you hate him.

If there was one thing for certain, it was that you two would not repeat his parents’ mistakes.

“Darling!”

The voice caused Friedrich’s eyes to snap upwards, slightly alarmed as they weren’t expected on this side of the Palace. Everyone was supposed to be at the front.

The first thing he saw was that you had stopped as well, only standing two steps above him. And then, on the top flight, he saw his mother, waving at him. She wasn’t supposed to greet them outside. At the same time though, he wouldn’t expect her to wait that long for anything anyways.

He waved back with a laugh. She hadn’t changed one bit since the last time he saw her nearly a year ago. A straw sunhat on top of her head, a basket of flower and gardening tools in her hand.

“I-is that-“

Friedrich nodded. “Yes, that’s her. That’s my Mama.”

The nervous jitters came back to you. You knew how much his mother meant to him. She was the true hero of his childhood and you were just excited to meet her. However, you also knew that in no way was this arrangement made by her. And no matter how friendly you were with Friedrich, as his mother, she would not easily trust you.

You quickly masked your nervousness with a gentle smile. It was the safest route after all. Better look like a smiley fool than a grumpy idiot. You thought.

The Queen began to walk down the steps briskly, meeting you halfway up the last flight of stairs. Immediately, she threw her arms around Friedrich, pulling him into a bear hug. “There you are, you Gänschen! You’ve kept your mother waiting long enough!” She said, messing up his hair and only letting go of him once he was shaking with laughter.

When he and your maids said she was very carefree in private, you did not expect her to be this carefree. A lady was not supposed to be out in the sun like this, no less a queen. She was also much more beautiful than you could ever imagine, with her honey blonde curls tumbling down her back in waves and her big blue eyes which were now on you.

“Apologies, Mama,” he stepped back, allowing you to take a step forward. “This is Y/N, my wife. And Y/N, this is my Mama.”

“It is such an honor to meet you, your Majesty,” you said, bending your knees into a curtsy, praying you wouldn’t stumble backwards and ruin the first impression.

You had an overwhelming want for her to like you. And you felt like this first meeting was of paramount importance in deciding that. If it did not go well, she would never see you as anything more than a girl her son was forced to marry. And that was terrifying even in the case where Friedrich remained a good friend.

You were not wrong. Frederica did not expect much from a match made by Louis, a man who clearly did not know his own son or even cared to try. Assuming he did know his son, it would not even be of any matter at all. The only thing he had ever cared about was grooming an heir. This arrangement, no doubt, served that.

But Frederica could not ignore the large smile on her son’s face as he ascended the steps with this young lady.

That? That was not by design.

Frederica shook her head and offered you her hand to help you stand up straight. “I prefer Frederica. At least when we are not in court.”

She gave you a cheeky wink and plucked a gardenia from her basket, tucking it by your ear. “Come on now! I am sure it has been a long trip for the both of you. Let us have some tea before you go.”

...

Frederica led the both of you into the Palace through the doors into the oval room. Inside it was just as spectacular as its exterior. Tall columns held up the painted dome where a chandelier was hung. The three arched windows looking out to the gardens were pushed open by three footmen, allowing sunlight and fresh air to gush into the space, lightening up the entire room.

“Please have a seat, dears,” Frederica said, gesturing to the rounded table in the middle of the room.

You were still too in awe to be able to settle down calmly in your seat but obeyed her anyways. Beside you, Friedrich was glancing around the room, like he was in search of something.

“Is Fifi not here?” he asked as a butler approached the table with a cake stand.

Just on cue, Fifi-his mother’s Schnauzer, shot through the doors. You nearly gasped out of sheer excitement when you saw the ball of salt and pepper fur fly into the room like an arrow. You had always shared a fondness for dogs. Yet you never had one. The only dogs you had were your father’s hunting hounds and he made sure you remained far away from them.

“Speak of the devil...” Friedrich turned to you, “this is Fifi, hated by most but very loved by my mother. Mostly because she smells like fish.”

He kept his eyes on the dog as she strolled around, heading in your direction and getting alarmingly close. “Fifi!” he said, shooing her off. The dog didn’t care, just kept on going forward.

“Oh, it’s quite alright! I love dogs,” you said, fighting the urge to pet Fifi who was quietly sniffing at the hem of your skirt.

Frederica was absolutely surprised when she saw her Schnauzer so quiet. Her dog was not friendly with strangers. By this time there should have been an accident.

The delayed accident happened right after that. Fifi bit down on your dress, tugging at it playfully.

More surprising, however, you didn’t seem scared of the feisty little old thing either. You just laughed.

“Fifi! Leave the poor girl alone!” Frederica said, tapping her shoes against the floor.

Friedrich quickly leaned forward and picked her up. Being lifted off the ground, she released your skirt and focused on wiggling out of Friedrich’s grasps instead. When she eventually succeeded, Fifi headed back to you, circling your feet, her tail wagging.

Friedrich clicked his tongue, about to bend over again to shoo Fifi off. Not that she would care. But the dog plopped down between your chair and his mother’s, out of Friedrich’s reach.

She looked up at you with big eyes, begging for a pet, which you were happy to provide. You reached down and scratched her ears. It was all rather brave, if he must admit.

“I know it is hard to believe but she seems fond of you,” Frederica mused, seeing Fifi transform into a whole other dog under your touch. She was not usually this sweet.

Friedrich scoffed. “The devil almost ripped her skirt off,” he gestured to the hem of your dress, and glared at Fifi.

“It’s fine, honestly. I think it was a compliment if anything,” you said with a smile.

He sighed. “Don’t defend the perpetrator! She has a terrible temperament. And you know it,” he turned to his mother.

“Fifi does. as much as I love her,” Frederica nodded. Fifi’s ears perked up at the mention of her name, blinking at her owner. “But you seem like a very experienced animal whisperer.”

“No, actually. I never had one.”

“Well, that’s a shame. You’re great with Fifi. And if you can handle her, you can handle any dog.”

“Any dog is better than Fifi,” Friedrich said under his breath. Nevertheless, he was glad to see the two of you bond. Even if it was over Fifi the Ferocious.

On the bright side, at least she wasn’t coming back with them to Berlin. It was the only thing Friedrich and his father had ever had in common-a dislike for the Schnauzer.

...

Heinrich was being escorted into the Palace towards the audience room. A place he would much prefer not to go to on his own. He had arrived for over an hour and still you two were nowhere to be found and it was only for so long he could hide the train of carriages. Eventually, one of the butlers alerted the King of his presence and he was immediately requested inside.

Heinrich had suspected that you would arrive slightly late. He just didn’t think it could be this late. He had no idea what he was supposed to say. One misstep and off with his head.

When the doors to the room were swung open, the King was throwing a fit. His deafening yell rang across the room and bounced against the tall walls. It certainly did not help with the nerves.

“WHERE IS MY HORSE?” he demanded, rising up from the throne. From where he stood, he towered over the poor footman. “I am late for hunting!”

“Your Majesty, you cancelled today’s hunt.”

“And why on earth would I do that?”

Heinrich kept quiet, remaining invisible as he approached the throne behind the butler. He was not about to be caught in the middle of a crossfire during one of the King’s fits.

The footman blinked. Heinrich could see the man debating whether or not to answer, lest it was a rhetorical question.

“B-because the Prince is back from England, sir?”

“Oh,” the King said. His voice quieter than before and sat back down again. The crease between his Majesty’s eyebrows disappeared, his expressions softening slightly. Then he turned to the footman with a quizzical look. “And where is the Prince?”

The footman turned around and met Heinrich’s eyes. And then the King followed his gaze. So much for not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.

“I-“ Heinrich began, his mind drawing a blank.

If he were to tell the truth, Friedrich and you would no doubt be in trouble. However, if he didn’t tell the truth, he’d be in trouble and so would you two. And if he just said he didn’t know, he’d be on the first ship to an island far far away.

“Well?” The King barked.

“I’ll go get them, your Majesty!”

“Don’t just stand there. Hurry along then! Before I chop all of your heads off.”

Heinrich had never walked so fast out of a room his entire life. His heart was pounding as it began to dawn on him that he had just lied to the King. Well, it was not exactly a lie. He was going to get them. They just weren’t here yet. Unfortunately, none of that mattered. There was no reasoning with such a powerful man. All he could do was hope that he would still be alive to see another day.

Just when all of his luck appeared to have run out, he heard the distinct sound of hooves against cobble and rushed outside.

Friedrich helped you out of the carriage, still engaged in the never-ending tales of Fifi the Ferocious. You were laughing when you caught sight of the magnificent Royal Palace-Berliner Schloss. It was much boxier than Sanssouci Schloss with towering walls that casted a great shadow over the front lawn.

Household staff lined the steps on either side, straightening up as Heinrich dashed past them. Some had their heads turned, the younger ones especially, their curious eyes on you, trying to catch a glimpse of the new Princess. The more seasoned staff near the top stayed perfectly still, resisting the urge to look anywhere other than straight ahead.

“Your Highnesses!” He said, bowing so quickly you were worried his head might snap off. “Your presences are requested. Immediately!”

...

Through the doors you could faintly hear your titles being announced. Your palms were clammy so you hid it behind you, focusing on what you might say in a couple of moments.

Friedrich was not nervous, of course.

He was the one who planned the detour in the first place. And while you had enjoyed the time with Frederica very much, perhaps a little too much, it had delayed your schedule by well over a couple of hours. It meant that you made the King of Prussia, your father-in-law wait.

The only person more nervous than you was probably Heinrich. Every time you caught a glimpse of his face, he seemed more haggard than the last. You were not certain whether he was really sick or just worried.

"My father will say things. Things that are aimed to test you. Do not mind any of it," Friedrich said quietly.

"Something tells me I should take that as a suggestion. One look at Heinrich and I know what I am in for."

Friedrich sneaked a glance at his valet and gave you a small smile. "Heinrich has always been that way. Worries a little too much."

"Maybe that is for good reason-"

The trumpets sounded, prompting you to straighten up, smooth your dress and put on a smile. In the corner of your eyes, you could see Friedrich cracking up. Had it not been for the fact that you were being presented right then, you would have given him a slipper to the chest. He was still smiling up until you had to walk through the doors.

Then, his demeanor shifted completely. You did not dare to make eye contact with the King. All you saw was brief glimpses of a man, wearing a red cloak on the throne. But Friedrich, he was looking straight down the room, challenging his father.

From the stories he had told you, you knew that Friedrich had a rough relationship with his father. Once he got a chance to break away, he vowed he would allow his father to have full control of his life again. And from the suffocating tension in the air, you knew his father would not make it easy.

“The Prince and Princess of Prussia, your Majesty,” a footman announced.

"Your Majesty," you said, giving the King a curtsy.

"Welcome, welcome. I hope the journey was not too rough for you.”

You smiled and nodded. Not a bad start.

However, it was a completely different story when you saw Friedrich’s face. He raised his eyebrows, clearly unconvinced by his father’s concern. "You do, father? Wasn’t it on your orders that the state train never arrived?”

“Now, now, Friedrich. That was none of my doing.” The King turned to you with a small smile. “I must say, you are much prettier than I expected, my lady.”

He had made such an effort to emphasize the last two words that even if you weren’t listening, you still would have caught them. The King was smirking on his throne, his icy eyes sending chills down your back.

“I believe it’s your Highness, father.”

This row was your fault. You could tell.

“No, I don’t think it is. You didn’t get married.”

“We did.”

“That did not count.”

“How? Because you weren’t invited?”

“I see all of your manners have gone out the door since you stepped foot out of this country.”

Friedrich wanted to scoff. It was always going to be about England. If they were going to have this conversation, he was going to do it properly. But not in front of you.

He turned to Heinrich. “Take the Princess to see the chambers.”

You didn’t want to leave. You were responsible for this in one way or another. You should be here to take the blame. But Friedrich shook his head like he knew what you were about to say. “Come with Heinrich. I’ll meet you later.”

“No need for that. Lady Brandt, your chief lady-in-waiting, will take you for a tour. Bernadine?”

You remembered Lea and Ilse mentioning her as well. However, at that time, she didn’t have a name or a face for you to attach her to just yet. You just knew that she was going to be in charge of all of your affairs like Heinrich was doing for Friedrich. Now she had a name and a face.

At the mention of her name, she nodded and stepped forward from the line of staff on your right. She was dressed in a blood red dress, a strand of pearls wrapped around her long neck. She came towards you, giving you an impressive curtsy, tipping her head forward slowly yet keeping her hat perfectly still on her dark raven hair.

When she looked up, you were finally able to see her striking hollow eyes, tall cheekbones and an ever so slightly upturned corner of her lips. She looked awfully familiar. Like a much younger version of your mother actually. And she was just as terrifying.

“Come with me, your Highness.”

taglist: @awesomebooklover17 @oopsiedoopsie23 @milkbaer @vampirestookmydoubts @5hundreddaysofsummer @km-98 @mikeys-thighs @lunas1x1 @albeeox @darkestbeforethedawn16 @defffcc @sarcasm-n-insomnia @urie-bowie-mercury @babydidoy @cvpidsletters @mmmh-i-cant-help-myself @fanaticalfantasist @xoxomandoo @littlered00 @heartofrosecoloredglasses @truly-insatiable @thingfromlove @tearsrichochets

let me know if you’d like to be tagged

[missameliep]

Hi, Dani ❤️ I hope you're doing well 😊

Can I cheat and mention two fics? 😅 I associate your username to Run To You and If I Fell. Both of those stories feature the strongest points of your writing style. If fanfic writers had a portfolio, I think these two pieces should be in it.

I wish you a lovely week 😘

Hi, Lori! Thank you for the ask and I hope you are doing well too 😊💗

You can totally go ahead and cheat picking as many as you want, specially since you've chosen two of my favorite stories! Writing them made me so happy at the time and I've reread from time to time just to enjoy myself, because I love those couples and how the fics turned out.

First, it is not a secret Run to You was inspired by this line from Prince Hamid when he is biding goodbye to MC after they've met in book1, chapter5 (and we were totally robbed from actually having them ever dancing during the Season! Can you imagine how fun going to a ball with this man would be when MC is not engaged to someone else? All the flirting and games and just him being cute and romantic? 🥰):

I couldn't find the original *word file from my first draft, but I remember the story changed a lot until the final draft. It was only later that I decided to write it in Hamid's POV, and not MC's. Some ideas came from deleted scenes and dialogues from the series The Pursuit of Happiness and it would be just a cute scene in a ball, that would start with Lady Elizabeth eagerly searching for him and Hamid observing her. I got so carried away writing it that I almost ruined the timeline from the series, because I was **this close** to writing a first kiss for them in the garden! and even considered having a different MC for this story to not mess with the other story, but I personally think it works better with Lady Elizabeth how it is. I liked that aside from the cute interactions between the two, I could address some issues that are important in their relationship and the struggles both face, like the prejudice a natural daughter suffers, and his doubts about ever being suited to marry a woman of such station.

The one thing I regret to this day and only realised was missing after I've posted was not bringing the rose back in the last scene. The rose is a symbol of their love in canon, and as a symbol of his hope, I should have brought it back in the end. It would be so much better if he had picked it up from the ground in the last minute and kept it in his pocket the entire evening, because Hamid is a hopeful romantic; and the idea of putting it in Lady Elizabeth's hair after he carries her to the carriage or just leaving it for her to find after he was gone would have been cuter and made the scene better to end with the reference from the beginning...

As for If I Fell, most of it came from deleted scenes from Second Chances that were not that important to the plot atm and random ideas: one was a scene of the two riding bikes and it followed the chapter of their date; and the other came from a few short scenes when Hamid was taking Elizabeth to places like the Brazilian shop and a club where she could swim, like mentioned in the chapter they had lunch with her father and Sinclaire, and it was mostly Hamid pining over her.

This one-shot was first named Swept her off her feet and was not only supposed to be cute, but important to show and not just tell a little about Elizabeth and Hamid's routine of going to the park together to exercise, and how she's increasingly infatuated despite her efforts to deny it. It makes it clear they are growing closer and she is not exactly comfortable, but despite her doubts, she decides to share things with him even if he would find her silly - like having "ugly feet" or the magpies verses... The "feet talk" was slightly different, Hamid woube be very suggestive about another part of his anatomy 😏 to Elizabeth's shock. So I'm sharing with you the deleted dialogues from an earlier draft:

“Perhaps you just have huge feet too.” “Well, you know what they say: the bigger the feet...” he trailed off with a mischievous grin. “Dude!” “What?” he feigned confusion, and then pretended to be scandalised by what she implied. “What a dirty mind, Miss Foredale! I just meant that big feet are good, give you balance; having disturbingly tiny feet and you’ll fall face first, which is not good at all." “Alright,” she nodded meeting his stare. “But you’re not wrong about that. I can confirm in my case at least. I don’t know if this is a scientific fact but –” “I don’t need to know that!” she cut him off, and he chuckled. “Really? I thought that was the kind of inside knowledge girls usually want to ask their male friends...” She shook her head wide-eyed and looked away. “Perhaps Faiza is right and Hande is strange...”

Talking to a friend at the time, I've realised it would be better not to imply anything like that and invest in a different kind of humour. Hamid is smart enough to try and charm Elizabeth and not only scandalise her... and the scene worked better without it.

The suggestion from another friend who was my beta to this fic, also made me change how Hamid carried Elizabeth after she injuries her ankle. I had doubts and had him first carrying her bride style, but it was just too awkward for her to be in that position in public... there was too much tension... so when Hamid carries her in his back, the whole atmosphere of the scene instantly changed and there was room for improvement. Suddenly, it was lighter and funny, and even if there is still tension and romance in the air, it also shows how much more they have going on for them besides attraction. I tried to portray their chemistry and their bond, and humor is important in this equation.

Again, thank you so much for your ask, my dear, and for allowing me the opportunity to blabber about these fics💗 And sorry it took forever to answer

------------------------------------------------

Which fic you associate with my url? - Send me an ask!

[clonetrobed]

3, 20, 23 for the meta asks!

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

answered here!

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

answered here!

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

oooh, that would be my season 1 rewrite friends to lovers 101. that was the first trobed fic i ever started writing, and even though it's still nowhere near done, i do hope it comes together someday because it has a special place in my heart <3 here's a little bit:

But when he looks up from digging his notebook and textbook out of his backpack he’s surprised to find her sitting in Pierce’s seat, turned towards him with her ankles crossed and hands folded primly in her lap. She looks nervous, and his own stomach churns uneasily as he sits up. He raises a questioning eyebrow at her anyway.

“I want you to know,” she says after drawing in a deep breath, looking him in the eyes with a polite sort of determination, “That I support you guys.”

Okay, he doesn’t love where this is going. He bites his lip and plays dumb.

“You support who?” He asks her, hoping that he sounds less scared than he feels, “And… about what?”

She furrows her eyebrows a little in confusion, but keeps going.

“You know…” She shoots him a sort of knowing look, like she’s expecting him to pick up what she’s putting down, but he’s very set on not doing that.

“You and Abed,” she finally sighs. “I support you guys being…” she scoots closer to the edge of her chair and lowers her voice a bit, “...Together.”

Even though he was half-anticipating it, his stomach drops.

“I won’t lie, I was a little upset at first,” she says lightly. “I don’t know if you’d noticed, but I’ve sort of had… feelings… for you, since high school…”

Her voice grows muted as his brain struggles to form a reaction—any reaction. Her words register in the back of his mind, but they come second to his sweaty palms and racing heartbeat.

“...But as your friend, and Abed’s, I think it’s nice that you’re happy together. And also, well… I don’t want to jinx myself, but I think there might be something between me and Jeff. We spent a lot of time last night getting ready for today’s debate and there was this tension—”

“Okay, Annie,” he sits up straight and cuts her off, putting his hands out in what he hopes is a placating gesture. “That’s nice, but Abed and I aren’t together. He doesn’t— wait, Jeff?” He interrupts his defense when his brain finally processes those last few words. “Annie, gross. He’s like, old.”

Her face falls slightly, like she’s somehow just realizing this, and Troy shakes his head to himself before resuming, keeping as quiet as possible.

“Anyway. Abed and I aren’t together,” he repeats. “So there’s nothing for you to support, really.”

Annie tilts her head. “But… you bailed on Randi to sit with him at A Night Under the Stars,” she says. “You gave him your jacket.”

“How do you know I bailed on her?” Troy asks, his voice inadvertently pitching up the more nervous he gets. “What if she bailed on me?”

Annie rolls her eyes. “Like a girl would bail on you.”

Troy huffs out a sigh. The burden of being a handsome, charismatic football star rears its stupid head once again.

“We’re not together,” he says for the third time now, and he doesn’t know why his hands are feeling so clammy; he’s not even lying. “So just don’t worry about it, okay? And definitely don’t mention this to Abed. At all. Ever.”

[demonslayedher]

I'm glad you reactivated the questions, here are some flowers for you: 💐 Seriously speaking I'm sorry that because of a question I asked you a few weeks ago you watched a series of videos of psychopaths 🥲It made me laugh at first but then I felt guilty 💔 it's all Muzan's fault for leaving us all with curiosity (imagine his parents' reaction once they realized there was something wrong with him even as a human)

Yay, flowers (which I shall kill with my black thumb)! And no, no, it’s fine, I had hoped it came off funny! I like listening to stuff like that while I draw anyway because I’m a nerd anyway and I found it very interesting.

Speaking of being a nerd, you have innocuously unlocked the following essay about Heian period nobility and wisteria flowers: There is nothing to state so in canon, but I find it highly reasonable to say Muzan might had been of the very powerful Fujiwara clan. Step inside my office, Anon.

Okay. So. The Heian period, simply put, was a time of cultural flourishing and beautiful pastimes, the origins of a lot of Japanese style aesthetics, and a romantic courtly like of romancing everybody else in the court. This is assuming, of course, that you were at the very, very, very, very top of society. Otherwise, the vast majority of people were poor and sick and starving and ew, in young Muzan’s world, we do not wish to associate with that. In the Heian court, Kyoto basically is the whole cultural world. Even though there were other cities that could rival Kyoto, the emperor was there, so it was essentially the cultural center of the country. The nobles who lived there got money from owning land in far-flung provinces, but actually having to live in those provinces? What a drag! Having to live away from Kyoto for work, even if it wasn’t an official banishment, often felt like a punishment to the nobles and their families who were used to the social scene at court. And, like affluent courts around the world throughout history, understanding all the intricacies of style and “Heian Rumors” was key to having social clout, and popularity was power. And yeah, nobles would be vicious to each other. While clan dynamics and history are complex and not something I’m getting into here (I don’t consider myself well-versed in it enough), the Fujiwara clan is a BIG DEAL.  Basically, in Heian times, children were typically raised in their mother’s home, thereby heavily influenced by their mother’s clan, so besides a young man’s parents, his in-laws also would had been hugely influential in his life, as they will have a long-felt influence on his progeny. The Emperors typically married Fujiwara daughters. This, in addition to other positions of influence of the Fujiwara clan members usually held with influence over the Emperor, means that politically, there was no messing with them. Now, just because I say Muzan might had been a Fujiwara clan member, I don’t necessarily mean a member of the main branch of the family. Often, due to inheritance management, different branches of various noble clans might be given different surnames. The Fujiwara clan does have different branches, some of which did go one to have close ties with the imperial family even after the fall of their power at the end of the Heian period and all the way through the Taisho, and some branches carry some impressive family legacies but otherwise live like normal or high-class common folk in modern-day. (I know one such Ojousama from a renamed Fujiwara branch; she’s a sweetheart and never brings it up herself but every time I hear other people say things about her family, I’m like, dang.) We can venture from Muzan’s likely expensive medical treatment, multiple marriages (meaning other clans sought to be connected with his family even by marrying their daughters to a sick man), and even preparation for cremation as a baby that he was of a very, very high status. 

Being the sick son of a prominent family may have warped his personality in multiple ways: first, he was probably already used to a culture of popularity equated political power. We see in Muzan’s dealings with humans in the Taisho period that he can be exceedingly charming to get what he wants (a psychopath trait, haha), so he was probably pretty aware of the complex ways of socialites in the court. But, even being aware of that, it probably frustrated him to no end that he was too sick to take part in the social pastimes where he’d gain clout. It’s also possible that he was a bit of a bargain husband for his wives’ families who were seeking to a make ties with his family, as they must not had been politically useful enough to be married off to other powerful matches. This may be some of why he was so ruthless to them, for he never saw them as useful to him in the first place. This probably got a bit worse once he became a demon. Now to be lewd, but he probably got more vigorous in his pursuit of more powerful lovers, and knew how to slay the women’s hearts as he liked (you know, popular Heian pastime, everybody had lots of lovers, it was the norm, though political marriages and legitimate children were still important). That new sense of power probably went to his head. But, ultimately, he must had been limited in clout since he couldn’t take part in any daytime activities, thereby limiting his access to more powerful spheres of influence. His reputation from having grown up sickly must had followed him too. It’s anyone’s guess how much affection his parents had for him and how happy they were about his health at first, and if and when they might had noticed his changes. He was a full-fledged adult by the time he turned into a demon, so who knows how closely they even associated with him. They likely had healthier children who they devoted more care and attention to, and invested more family resources in while assuming Muzan would probably die young.

Who knows what the final straw was in Muzan leaving court? Was it frustration at not being able to walk in daylight that made him flee to the Kanto area in pursuit of the blue spider lily (from near where the doctor lived) long before Kanto became politically affluent? Or was it the rumors at court about how he didn’t age, and that he was eating people?

Of note, a lot of the early legends of demons in Japanese culture take place in the Heian period.

In his book “Japanese History of Demon Slayers,” retired Shizuoka University professor Tetsuo Owada capitalized on the success of Kimetsu no Yaiba to dive into a lot of ties between the series and what it may pay homage to throughout Japanese history and culture. While this was published last September and a handful of his theories have been disproven by the second fanbook published last February, and while I think a lot of his theories are stretching a little too far to make strong connections, it’s still deeply, deeply interesting stuff. He goes into some specific comparisons of demons, like Minamoto-no-Raiko and his posse of four big bad warriors taking on the Tsuchigumo (giant spider demon) terrorizing the mountains north of Kyoto harkening to the case of Rui’s family (and, ding ding ding, this was the primary focus of the official Kabuki/Kimetsu crossover last November), as well as takes little questions left in canon and dives into them a bit deeper. One such question is, why were wisteria lethal to demons? According to Prof. Owada’s research, there is no historical basis for this. Some of the talk online is that: 1. Wisteria are in fact poisonous, and consuming too much of them would cause vomiting and diarrhea (though I’ve also seen people make jam out of them because of the fragrance, so, like???) 2. Beans are thrown around at Setsubun to ward off demons (like so, Feat. Muzan and Kimetsu Beans), and wisteria are of the bean family 3. Wisteria like sunlight, so perhaps like Nichirin, they soak up some of the sun’s properties that are lethal to demons 4. In the language of flowers (Hanakotoba), wisteria symbolize kindness, welcomeness, refusing to leave someone’s side, being drunk with love, being straightforward and truthful, not losing the humanity in one’s heart, thereby containing a lot of meaning contrary to the conduct of demons Interesting, but some of its kind of a stretch. While still finding it a stretch to apply it to wisteria being poisonous to demons, Prof. Owada goes on to say that since ancient times, while the wisteria has some negative connotations of how it was sometimes written with characters meaning “doesn’t heal” (不治) and growing downward with smaller and smaller flowers like symbolize the slow downfall of a family line, it conversely also carries positive connotations of longevity and flourishing family due to the fact that its vines grow upward.

Now, you might picked up at some point that the Japanese word for wisteria is “fuji.” Not to be confused with Mt. Fuji (that’s written differently), it IS the same fuji as in “Fujiwara”: 藤.

Prof. Owada goes on to explore the association with the use of Wisteria crests in Kimetsu no Yaiba, especially on the houses of supporters of the Demon Slayer Corp. His recurring thesis is that the pandemic is partly responsible for Kimetsu no Yaiba’s popularity since demon legends have long since had origins in epidemics, and he supposes the Wisteria crest has a protective effect on the houses, similar to a talisman used in a lot of real life rituals for warding off illness and then often displays in or on the entries of houses to protect the family every year (I have one such item gifted to me, it stays by my doorway, along with a couple sticks of charcoal (but the culture of charcoal is a post for some other day)). The talisman is in reference to a god of Hindu/Chinese origins being treated with hospitality by the So clan, so although other families perished in disaster/disease, he promised to always protect the So clan descendants, so the talisman says “Descendants of the So Clan” so that any household may try to claim that divine protection. The gratitude-exchange of hospitality and protection and sure sounds familiar! Prof. Owada isn’t done yet. While the crest design used in Kimetsu no Yaiba isn’t an actual family crest in in real life, there are lots and lots and lots of family crests that use a wisteria design and have the character for “wisteria” in the name. Any time you hear “—tou”, like Satou, Saitou, or even Gotou, you can typically assume it’s 藤. It’s very common nowadays, but the first family to be granted the use of this name was the Fujiwara clan, when one of the pre-Heian and very powerful emperors granted their clan head this surname, which was a major honor, and it marked the start of the Fujiwara clan’s political dominance (there was already influence leading up to this, but meh, we like clear-cut stuff to simply centuries of history, don’t we?). Furthermore, although we often think of the Fujiwara clan for their influence at court, and we might think of the Minamoto clan for warrior heroes who fought demons, Prof. Owada concludes his argument of wisteria’s protective influence by pointed out a long list of Heian period Fujiwara warriors who also were the heroes of demon slaying legends, stating that their name has also long been tied with demon slayer culture. SO!!! Let me go on with my theory here. Muzan is from the same family line as Ubuyashiki. At some point (I assume after Muzan is long gone from Kyoto), the family is told while their children keep dying, and they accept their mission to bring an end to Kibutsuji Muzan and clear this curse on their family line. My thought is that their ancestor was a full blood sibling of Muzan, one whom was more invested in than sickly Muzan. While perhaps already an off-shoot of the Fujiwara Clan and thereby not entitled to the same sorts of inheritance, they probably maintained close ties with them. But, as it was already not direct by that time, the other Fujiwara clan branches were not affected by this curse. To further spare the clan the effects of this curse, this was probably when that sickly branch took the name Ubuyashiki. (And yes, I have things to say about this name and its possible mythological origins which I find a highly, highly interesting connection. Prof. Owada supposes it is tied with Izumo Taisha Grand Shrine and that is why there are nine pillars, but as much as I love Izumo Taisha and its giant pillars I base my argument in separate Shinto (but also Izumo!) mythology and accept that there are not always supposed to be nine Pillars specifically and Gotouge simply chose that number based on the number of strokes in the kanji for ‘Hashira’ (柱) BUT I DIGRESS). So, the Ubuyashiki Clan is it’s own thing, but is sort of like a cousin to the other Fujiwara branches and thereby continues to enjoy Fujiwara support throughout the Heian period, like some of the Fujiwara warriors going out there and slaying some of Muzan’s early demon experiments, and using their influence to bring in other warriors to the demon slaying cause (pet

theory: Genpei War warrior Kumagai Naozane was a member of the proto-Corp and using Kasugai-garasu was in practice since at least late Heian period). While the Ubuyashiki Clan probably already their own inherited land (and funds that came from it), throughout their history, their cousin clans might also have provided financial support to the Ubuyashiki Clan. But, they probably distanced themselves from the clan due to the curse and not wanting to be tainted. When you bring back in the wisteria associations this puts the contrary associations with a flourishing and dying family line in a new light. Furthermore, the “not healing” way of writing “fuji” also means a lot more in the context of Muzan’s, and later the Ubuyashiki clan’s illness.

[amaterasususanno]

WangXian - How the siege could (should) have ended

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyrights of Mo dao zu shi/the untamed. All rights reserved by their respective owner

----

Summary:

Wei Ying cares for the Wen remnants. He desires to protect them.

The world wants Wei Ying and the Wen's gone.

In consequence: The siege could never have been avoided.

But: Wei Ying's story could still have been another one.

Rating: M [To be safe]

Status: Complete

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31961272/chapters/79156201

----

Since the day Wei Ying had confronted the different sects as they had planned his demise, the dark energy swirling around burial mount had grown several times heavier and harder to control – even though it had only been a few weeks.

Even Wei Ying himself could nearly not stand it anymore.

He kept seeing heart wrenching visions and haunting nightmares. His ears were filled with the wails of the dead. He could hear them pleading him to spare their lives. He could hear them cursing his name. He could even hear their blood rushing out of their bodies as the corpses he commanded ripped them to shreds.

Whenever he closed his eyes, he would see the murders he chose to commit – his acts as ‘war hero’ during the sunshot campaign, like the torturing and murder of worthless men like Wen Chao – and those he failed to prevent himself from causing – the murder of Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli and probably half of all his later kills, to be honest.

Only now did he understand that he had started to lose his senses somewhere along the path he had chosen.

He had believed to be in control of everything, but looking back, maybe he had already started going insane when he was first thrown into the abyss of the burial mount. He had just always been held back somewhere along the borders of being a genius before he could turn into a full-blown madman.

But now? What was there to ground him?

The sunshot campaign was over, Jiang Cheng wanted him dead just like everyone else, his shijie was dead – she had been slaughtered to save him and the people who had looked at him with admiration and called him the greatest war hero of the sunshot campaign, had all turned their backs on him now that they had started to fear his power. Even Wen Qing was gone, and Wen Ning had even died a second death.

And Wei Ying himself had lost all will to make the world understand, that he would not threaten them as long as they didn’t cross him.

Especially since they already gone ahead and crossed him anyway. After all they had dared to lay hands on the Wen-siblings, who had been innocent of all of Wen Rouhans’ crimes. They had even dared to continue trying to fault him for anything that went wrong anywhere – even though he and the Wens were only trying to live a peaceful life amongst themselves.

Besides, it was not like anyone would listen to him at this point of time anyway – after all he had killed a few thousands of cultivators a few weeks back.

And maybe the truth was simply cruel as life itself: A choice had to be made – there would be either the rest of the cultivation world or him. They didn’t want to live besides him. He couldn’t live besides them any longer either.

The hatred inside him had grown to strong – it overpowered all of his senses. It was numbing him, tempting him to do all the wrong things. No, at this rate he would just end up ending all of these cultivators miserable lives.

Wei Ying rose from his bed inside the demon slaughtering cave. He needed to get the rest of the Wens away from here. He needed to at least protect them from whatever war would follow between the world and himself.

Especially considering the fact that either the major sects would come here and try to kill him – taking the Wens down along with him even though they were only weakened people – or he himself would do something stupid and would end up endangering them, dragging them down to hell with him.

As he moved towards the mouth of the cave, Wei Ying found himself stumbling more than he was walking.

His head was full of noises again. His vision was dulled, the resentful energy gripped at his heart and mind. He could feel everything clouding up again.

Maybe the stygian tiger seal was partly at fault for that. It kept attracting the dark clouds around him even though he long since couldn’t deal with them anymore.

Maybe he had really created a weapon that no one should possess – him included.

Maybe Lan Zhan had been right. With everything. Maybe he should have listened to him. But then again, he hadn’t had a choice. He didn’t have a golden core anymore. He could only walk this narrow path in the darkness now – he could only rely on the dead and their hatred.

He had forfeited his humanity when he refused to die inside burial mount.

There was a saying befitting og this. And for him it had most definitely become true. ‘You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain’.

“Are you ok?”

Wei Ying looked up, his gaze found a strange red blotch of color in front of him. He blinked, trying to focus his eyes, trying to figure out who was standing on front of him.

But right now, couldn’t even identify the speakers voice – and suddenly panic kicked in. This could be an enemy!

Quickly reaching for Chenquin, all his senses kicked into an alarmed state of needing to kill the threat. He could feel the resentful energy bundling around the flute – and usually his targets fear would join the hatred he accumulated through his technique.

But right now, there was no fear. Who in their right mind could be stupid enough not to fear him? While he was off-guard due to shock, he felt something colliding with his right leg. A very familiar weight.

“A-Yuan?”

Suddenly his mind cleared again, his eyes free of whatever fog had blocked them before, his ears no longer filled with cries and death wishes directed at him.

Quickly looking at whomever he had nearly killed off, he saw granny Wen. His stomach churned. How could he have mistaken her for a threat? Especially when her lack of fear symbolized just how much trust she had in him, how strongly she believed he would not harm her.

“Sister, granny said I should come to you! She said you were looking out of it ever since you returned here!”

Looking down at the brightly smiling child twisted Wei Yings insides around even more. He quickly put Chenquin away, pushing his guild to the back of his mind so he could pick A-Yuan up, cuddling him close – already regretting having to send him far away to protect him.

“Is that so? What else did Granny say? Did she tell you how I returned?”

Trying to smile and not show that he did not at all remember his returning here, Wei Ying cast a short glance in the direction of granny Wen.

She smiled meekly, then uttered a sudden – and obviously fake – complaint about her back hurting and left.

Wait, what had she told the kid?

“She said you walked here looking like your soul had been sucked out! And you kept mumbling about random things like revenge, wanting to burn the world to the ground, oh and you talked about brother rich!”

The happy way the child chatted about all this made it obvious that he didn’t understand a single word of all that.

In fact A-Yuan seemed to only care about his dear ‘brother rich’, he nearly immediatly went over to telling Wei Ying just how much he wanted to see ‘brother rich’ again.

But Wei Ying didn’t listen anymore. He understood why he had been talking about the end of the world, or better yet: his wish to be that cause of the said event, but why would he talk about Lan Zhan?

Trying to think back on whatever may have made him talk about Lan Zhan, he remembered only bits and pieces of certain scenes.

Lan Zhan had stood among the rows of people discussing how to kill him – so Lan Zhan must want him to perish. Seemingly punishing Wei Ying by taking him back to Gusu was no longer enough to satisfy the man.

The ugly feeling of an all-consuming hatred boiled up inside Wei Ying. Why did Lan Zhan have to be this way? He had already wanted to punish Wei Ying when everyone else had still praised him. And now that everyone wanted him dead, even that overly honorable white marble statue of a man, decided killing him would be better than punishing him? And that even though the Gusu Lan Sect forbade killing?

But of course there would be exceptions. What a hypocrite!

“-mother and father.”

A-Yuans laughter ripped Wei Ying out of his thoughts. He had to blink a few times to progress what the child had just said.

“A-Yuan- what was that just now?”

The boy smiled even broader and ripped his small hands into the air, elated as he started to talk again – not at all minding that Wei Ying had seemingly not listened.

“Granny said you and brother rich had a special relationship! She always said you are happier whenever he is around – you will smile a lot more than usually. So I thought you must like brother rich just as much as me and that is why he should visit us more often!”

Still not comprehending what that had to do with the whole mother/father thing, Wie Ying shifted A-Yuans weight onto only one of his arms, so he could poke his nose with the other.

“Don’t talk such nonsense little radish. I am always a happy person, that has nothing to do with Lan Zhan. Besides, this has nothing to do with what you said before anyway, does it?”

A-Yuan scrunched his nose up, looking like a cute little bunny – especially when he went over to covering up his nose with his little hands – all in order to protect it from future assaults.

“It does! Granny said you liked brother rich like a mommy likes a daddy!”

Wei Yings teasing fingers, which had tried to catch A-Quan off guard and poke him again, froze in midair.

Wei Yings entire face fell and went pale.

What had A-Yuan just said? And why would granny Wen even tell such things to a child? What kind of old-people-joke was this?

Lan Zhan had never even just liked him, he even wanted him dead now!

So how could Wei Ying feel anything else than the desire to defeat Lan Zhan and be as far away from him as possible?

“Besides, he is my father, didn’t you say so yourself?”

A-Yuan may have been nothing but a child, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t smart enough to see when he could get a jab in. After all the kid had always been cheeky. And smart enough to use anything anyone ever said against them.

“I never said that!”

Not even knowing why he was defending himself against a mere toddler, Wei Ying went over to displaying a complete denial.

While he did so, a scene popped into his head.

Lan Zhan was walking through the village at the foot of burial mount with them. He was buying toys for A-Yuan – which earned him the nickname ‘brother rich’ from the child.

At some point A-Yuan had been hungry and-

Wei Yings memory flashed back to how he had found Lan Zhan that day in the first place. A-Yuan had run off somewhere. He had run straight into Lan Zhan.

And being panicked and the little child he was, he had started wailing at the man’s feet, clinging to his cloths.

A crowd had gathered, commenting about how ‘fathers would often be overstrained with their first child’.

And that scene, combined with the later one of them strolling around and Lan Zhan showering A-Yuan with presents, had brough a careless sentence out of Wei Yings mouth.

“The one with the money is the father, the one with the milk the mother.” – And in the context from back then, this made him the mother and Lan Zhan the father as Wei Ying normally provided A-Yuan with food and Lan Zhan provided the child with toys on this particular day.

Wei Ying flushed – God, why had he said that back then? That was super embarrassing!

“You should forget that again A-Yuan. Just call him brother rich, ok?” Wei Ying laughed it off, feeling a bit awkward. Looking back he was actually surprised Lan Zhan had taken all that so well back then. After all with his typical Lan-wits he probably hadn’t taken as long as Wei Ying to understand what his careless words had implied. The man really seemed to have a frightening self-control.

“Does that mean I should call you brother poor?”

The child had definitely seen Wei Ying losing control of the situation. And seemingly Wei Yings mischievousness and insolence had straight off been absorbed by the child.

“Just continue calling me brother. That is enough. And no, before you start calling me brother poor again, call me mommy. At least that gives me the image of someone pretty.”

Being jokingly diplomatic, Wei Ying shook his head, offhandedly noting how his conversation with A-Yuan, even though it most certainly had been a strange one, had somehow given him so much normality that his inner demons for once weren’t to be heard or seen.

Wei Ying smiled a bit more genuinely. The power this toddler had was unbelievable. It made it nearly inhumane to think about him being somewhere completely different than at his side someday soon.

But then again, that was the only way in which the boy had a chance to live and grow into a fine – or not so fine and more troublesome if he took after him – man someday.

“Oh well, never mind. Let’s join granny and the others for now.”

What followed wasn’t exactly what Wei Ying had expected. As soon as he had brought up the topic of the Wens leaving, he was hit with a hours long storm of ‘no’s and ‘we won’t leave you behind’s. Had A-Yuan not been there, the discussion would most likely have turned into a fight.

“Wei Ying, most of us are in no condition to travel anyway.” Uncle four gave Wei Ying a shrug. “We wouldn’t make it far anyway.”

Wei Ying had wanted to disagree, but before he could open his mouth, he felt a heatwave erupting in his left sleeve.

He quickly reached inside it, pulling out a burning talisman.

His face turned dark. The defenses of burial mound had been breached.

Someone was trying to sneak in. And ‘someone’ in this case was most probably an army of cultivators.

“Leave now!” Knowing it would be too late to run now but feeling more desperate to get the Wens out of harms way than ever, he rose up, making sure to make all of the Wens understand that the mount was under siege.

“We lived on borrowed time anyway. We have no issue with dying.” Granny Wen tried to calm Wei Yings down from his frenzied state but failed.

“And what about A-Yuan! Doesn’t he deserve to live!?”

Already holding Chenquin in an iron grip, Wei Ying could feel the resentful energy flowing into his body with the intent to swallow him whole and eating him alive.

And his soul offered no resistance. He wanted the strength, that the resentful energy could give him.

He needed it.

Else the Wens would die. A-Yuan would die.

“No, you must come with us then!” A-Yuan, even though he was much too young to understand what was going on, did so anyway. It broke Wei Yings heart and at the same time gave birth to even more hatred inside his body.

How dare the renown sects act as they pleased and even traumatize a child, making it understand the cruel twists of life much sooner than nature should ever have allowed.

“I will hold them up, I will follow you afterwards.”

Even though the darkness inside of him was starting to blur the lines of reality and hallucination already, Wei Ying made a last attempt on convincing the Wens too flee.

“You will only burden me if you stay around – my abilities aren’t suited to protect, they can only destroy!”

A ringing filled Wei Yings head. He could hear the resentful energy talking to him, updating him on how fast the enemies were closing in. They seemed to be numerous, intend on trampling everything down.

Wei Ying knew they didn’t have any more time to waste.

He turned, left the Wens and rushed towards the top of the demon slaughtering caves roof.

Overlooking the situation as much as possible, he took a deep breath and pushed all the air in his lungs into his flute.

A sharp shriek erupted from the instrument.

Hundreds of corpses rose inside the mounts abysses.

The already awakened dead bodies, which hadn’t already been fighting, lunged at the enemies.

Wei Ying played an aggressive, eerie tune, knowing full well that he was forcing too much resentful energy to move around.

With his instable state of mind and most importantly: his growing self-destructive tactics, he knew all this would backfire.

He suddenly knew he would die today.

All of his restraints broke – he decided to take as many his foes with him as possible, hoping to weaken them enough to give the Wens a last chance.

He closed his eyes, gave in to the darkness, surrendering in his inner struggle, letting the darkness eat away his conscience.

No cell inside him cared about the fact that he was about to murder about an estimated another few thousands count of cultivators just to save less than fifty elderly Wens and a child.

He didn’t care about truly becoming the devil they claimed him to be.

Whatever, in that case he would die as hollowed out shell of a man. This battle would turn him into a resentful spirit, his soul would have to be subdued by destroying it since cleansing would no longer be possible. But that was fine. May they shred his body and soul apart.

He drew even more piercing tones out of his flute, patching them into an ugly version of a beautiful melody.

He could hear the metal sounds of swords and sabers cutting through corpses drawing closer – music followed right after.

It was like an awful cacophony of war.

Wei Ying closed his eyes forcefully, focusing on producing wave after wave of corpses.

Finally, he had created so many of them that he could no longer control them with just Chenquin.

In a show of pure insanity, he fished for the two separated parts of the stygian tiger seal and put them together.

The resulting shockwave of dark energy blew even him off of his spot. He tumbled downwards, crashing down into the dirt, all air was knocked out of him. He tried to regain composure, but the seal was way too powerful.

He could feel the corpses breaking free from their reigns, he lost his control over them in a lapse.

Horror-filled screams filled the air.

The corpses now attacked everything in their way – may it be an enemy or another corpse.

Realising this, common sense suddenly kicked right into Wei Yings gut. The Wens! They wouldn’t be safe with the corpses going rouge!

Just like he had struggled back then – when his sister had run onto the battlefield in hopes of stopping him – he fought to get the corpses to calm down.

He fought to get back onto his feat, fought to clear his mind enough to overpower the resentment in himself, fought to fish out the full potential inside him to revoke whatever hell he had summoned forth.

But there was only one calming thing coming to his mind. A song. A song he had never seen the sheet music off. In fact, he couldn’t even remember where he had the melody from either.

But he focused on the music in his memories and started to put a few handfuls of corpses to sleep.

He needed to reduce their numbers to prevent losing control. He absolutely had to.

Then a scream ripped straight into his soul. Granny Wen.

Dread filled him.

As he rushed to where he had heard the scream coming from, he forgot all about repressing the dark energy. The seal started absorbing more and more resentment in his hand.

He could feel it starting to twist his mind.

Shortly before he could drown in whatever dark pool the seal was trying to pull him into, he was faced with the sight of Nie Mingjue towering above a split-up group of the Wen remnants. About seven of them were lying on the ground. – dead. They had not died peacefully. All of them had gruesome slashes on their bodies. Blood pooled around them, coloring the dark earth of the burial mount crimson like the blood pool.

Rage blinded Wei Ying, his inner pain killing his sanity.

He used the stygian tiger seal.

The Wens peoples corpses rose up – attacking the Nie sect leader.

Wei Yings insanity didn’t allow him to see whatever happened to the other Wens, he could only hear that voice inside his head.

Demanding him to kill everyone who stood against him.

And he gave in, commanding all corpses to go on a bloodly murder spree.

Letting the seal take over, then letting the corpses go loose, he rushed straight at Nie Mingjue, kicking him down onto the ground.

Never had he missed his sword this much. He wanted to slit the man’s throat and let him bleed out more than anything else. He wanted him to face the pain of a sword like he had made the Wens face his saber.

But since he couldn’t fight with a sword anymore and didn’t have it on himself either, he decided to go another path – one for which he did not need a golden core.

With his free hand he grasped for sect leader Nies face, pouring an endless stream of dark energy into the man’s body.

He could Feel Nie Mingjues golden core growing corrupt inside the his body as he went into qi deviation.

Wei Ying could feel the man dying underneath him, but he didn’t stop. He wanted him dead – even if he was the older brother of a guy he had once considered to be one of his closest friends.

“Elder brother!” The call may not have addressed Wei Ying, but it warned him of the incoming attack.

Letting go of Nie Mingjue, Wei Ying jumped backwards, in a quick movement pocketing the seal and getting out his flute, lifting it to his lips.

Lan Xichen, whose original intent it had been to save his elder sworn brother, was forced to dodge the incoming rain of three corpses attacks.

“WEI WUXAIN!”

The new voice didn’t reach Wei Ying anymore, the haze around his senses had become too heavy – Wei Ying could only tell that someone had screamed something.

He however felt an attack incoming and promptly twisted his flute away from his mouth and into the way of the incoming swords strike, effectively blocking it.

The flute didn’t crack or give way.

Instead, its dark energy transferred straightly onto the weapon, running along its blade and reaching for the attackers’ golden core, wanting to corrupt it.

Jiang Chengs sense of danger warned him before he had even understood the situation fully, his golden core alarming him quickly enough. He jumped back, sheeting his sword and summoning his mothers whip.

The ring on his finger quickly transformed into a violet, crackling manifest of a lightning bolt.

Making an attempt to hit Wei Ying with Zidian, Jiang Cheng failed to pay enough attention to his surroundings – as Wei Ying dodged, the whip hit a big rock, which promptly cracked into two halves, of which one nearly immediately tumbled down towards them.

Jiang Cheng moved to the side, Lan Xichen reached for Nie Mingjue and jumped out of the way as well. The boulder hit two unsuspecting cultivators who had been further behind of them, fending off the corpses that threatened to come too close to the sect leaders.

Both of them were crushed into a paste.

Even the resentful energy all around them could patch them up well enough for them to rise up as corpses.

“Wei Ying!”

Still hearing nothing, Wei Ying lifted the flute to his lips once again, playing the attack melody he had once written for Wen Ning. The music enhanced the corpses in a hundred-meter radius of his own position. Making them faster, stronger and most of all more resilient.

”Wei Ying!”

This time the call was paired with someone closing in on Wei Ying – and that he most definitely took note off.

“There is fire!”

Now that he was aware again, he recognized uncle fourths voice.

Summoning a bunch of corpses to keep the three sect leaders in front of him busy, Wei Ying worked on finding out from where the fire was coming.

He quickly noticed it crawling up the back of the mount.

What a great strategy – the sects waves of cultivators came from the front while a fire ate away the only escapes routes the inhabitants of the burial mount had.

Trying to assess how great the danger coming from the flames was, Wei Ying looked around.

He only saw uncle forth and A-yuan.

Neither of them looking good.

“Where is the rest!?”

Dreading the response, Wei Ying rushed over to the two, taking A-Yuan from uncle forth when he hunched over in a fit of coughs.

“Slaughtered, smoked out, burned, drowned in the blood pool, or pushed down into the abyss. And I don’t have too much air left, my old body won’t be able to survive this.”

Wei Ying didn’t even try to convince Uncle forth that he would live. He knew very well that the man wouldn’t live through the night – even without the cultivators threatening his life on top of the flames smoke poisoning the old mans system.

Instead, Wei Ying clutched A-Yuan to his chest, noticing that the boy to be unconscious and running a high fever already.

Again he reached for the stygian tiger seal.

Weij Ying clutched it harshly, using the force of all the resentment in the air, that it cracked.

The crack immediately loosened large bits of the control the seal held over the corpses, making them grow even more fierce and bloodthirsty.

Wei Ying allowed the side effect of the crack, a painful backlash, to shake his body, ripping at his mind and heart.

He knew this little crack was enough to make the corpses all over burial mount run wild – feed only by resentment and not restrained in any form or kind.

Even Wei Ying himself felt the resentment taking him over more and more. But he didn’t allow it to overpower him. Not while he had A-Yuan in his arms.

Forced to watch on as uncle forth drowned in the resentment and died at its hands, he looked on as uncle forth became one of his corpses.

Giving a short whistle, Wei Ying gave uncle forth the command to protect A-Yuan and escape with him – to bring him somewhere far away and put him down at some families doorstep. Wei Ying would just hope the best from there on.

After he was sure the corpse wouldn’t defy his orders, he laid the unconscious toddler into the corpse’s arms.

A few moments later he found himself engaged in a fight with Lan Xichen.

Since his mind was still rather clear, he could easily see through all of Lan Xichens attacks. He had crossed swords with Lan Zhan often enough to know all the Lan sects preferred moves.

And mind you, Lan Zhan was much better than Lan Xichen when it came to fighting.

Lan Xichen lacked the fierce determination to come out as the victor. He was too soft. He tried to reason things out. To bad, Wei Ying didn’t feel like reasoning things out.

In fact, he managed to gain the upper hand and push Lan Xichen back more and more.

Only a little bit more and he would have him-

“Don’t move Wei Ying!”

Turning, surprised to hear his adoptive brother behind him, as he had never noticed him move there, he was even more shocked when he saw A-Yuan in Jiang Chengs grasp.

The purple clad man was holding the poor child by his ancle, letting him dangle down from his hand.

“Let go of him!” Not watching Lan Xichen in his panic, Wei Ying suffered a sidewards incoming blow to his upper arm, a deep gash ripping his flesh wide open.

He only felt a dull pain, the resentful energy had taken most of his senses out already.

His eyes stayed on A-Yuan.

“So, this kid didn’t get kidnapped by you? Is he yours?”

The way Jiang Chengs voice went from gruesome to pleased in a sickening way.

Wei Ying growled.

“Let. Him. Go. This is between you people and me. A-Yuan has nothing to do with this.”

“Shijie had nothing to do with this either!”

With that Jiang Cheng lifted the blade of his sword, pointing it at A-Yuan dangling from his other arm.

Wei Ying blackened out.

Within a split second he had lifted his flute to his lips, commanding all dead spirits of burial mount forth at once.

Vengeful spirits didn’t take as much effort to summon as corpses did, so Jiang Cheng found himself drowning in them within a heartbeats time.

He had to let A-Yuan go unless he wanted to be corrupted right on the spot.

Wei Ying rushed forwards, moving to catch the child before he quickly distanced himself from the scene, not wanting to risk his own spirit being overwritten.

As soon as he was a safe distance away, he looked at A-Yuan.

His breathing had gone from labored to shallow.

The child was dying.

And that was when Wei Ying finally lost it completely.

Now not only were all of the Wens gone, no, even A-Yuan would be dead soon. And he himself too.

And that was when it hit him. Yes, he had known he would die along, but he hadn’t had what it took to end his life right on the spot.

But now he had gained exactly that.

So may the suicidal mass murder start.

He fished out the stygian tiger seal and slammed it into the ground, kneeling down next to it – holding A-Yuan cradled to his chest.

Drawing in all the resentful energy he could accumulate, Wei Ying gathered it where his golden core would usually have been sitting.

After he was sure he had bundled enough hatred, he then proceeded to push it directly into the stygian tiger seal, intending to crush it once and for all.

He could see Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, Su She and a bunch of other cultivators close in on him. They seemed to have gotten past the corpses.

But that wouldn’t do them any good. The spirits around Juang Cheng quickly washed over to them as well, giving Wei Ying the time he needed to execute his plan.

He only had to obliterate that evil-summoning seal. That way no one would be able to use it ever again – not him and not anyone else.

And everyone on this mount would be whipped out as side effect.

A-Yuan and he himself would perish due to the backlash of the whole affair. The rest of the cultivators, who were further away from the seal, would die due to the fierce corpses going absolutely rampant.

And the corpses that were left standing after all this was over would roam burial mount for all times, keeping everyone else away from it – that way no one could ever come here again and start to accumulate this raw evil energy, like he had done it after being dropped here.

This would be the final battle – taking out the grandmaster of demonic cultivation and all the sects who had been stupid enough to come here on this day. Or at least all the cultivators of said sects who were present.

The seal started to crack more and more. Wei Ying watched on, his eyes cold, uncaring – in the face of death he found himself calmer than ever.

Then suddenly, he saw a flash of a memory.

He saw the seals memories.

He saw the times he had used it.

He saw… Lan Zhan?

Focusing on that particular frame, he saw the battle a few weeks ago.

He saw himself going wild, loosing all sense and even consciousness as he blacked out and fought simply fueled by resentment. He saw what happened after his memory had stopped keeping track of his doings.

He had murdered nearly everyone. No surprise there.

Only a few were left standing – and even they weren’t really standing anymore.

He could see the poor few still living crawling on the bloodied ground, trying to get up as he towered above them, crushing the hand of a cultivator reaching for his sword.

Then he saw Lan Zhan.

He was limping, his usually pristine white robes were dirtied and bloodied.

His headband was slightly crooked, his hair no longer neatly styled – he no longer looked like an untouchable god. He looked… exhausted. Human.

“Wei Ying”

Lan Zhans voice was still strong, but it sounded pleading. It sounded like a ‘Please stop’.

Wei Ying saw himself, saw how he didn’t even take note of it. Saw how he was attacked once more.

And then he saw the impossible.

It wasn’t him who blocked the blow. It was Lan Zhan.

“Traitor!”

Wei Ying had absolutely no idea who that ruffled up guy was, but he seemed familiar. Su She? Maybe?

Lan Zhan remained quiet.

Wei Ying himself as well. He watched the memory, saw how his past self remained unmoving, looking like an angered corpse that was somehow still shedding tears.

“How can you defend him again! I always knew you weren’t as upright as you always acted! You court the devil by keeping that man alive!”

“No.”

The way Lan Zhan spoke made it obvious that he did not think of Wei Ying as evil.

Wei Ying couldn’t help but be surprised.

He kept on pressing down onto the seal, hoping to see the rest of the memory before the seal broke and he perished along with it.

He needed to know why Lan Zhan had been defending him.

And he did find out.

The memory progressed with Lan Zhan bringing Wei Ying from the battlefield.

Wei Ying could see how out of it he was, he could see that nothing would have ever reached him in that state, but Lan Zhan kept trying.

He was taking Wei Ying to a safe spot – a cave far away from the battle.

And as though that was not already enough, Lan Zhan started to take care of Wei Yings wounds, speaking soft reassuring words while Wei Ying kept trying to push him away, even cursing him.

But Lan Zhan tolerated it all.

And that was when Wei Ying got a glimpse of Lan Zhans eyes – in that memory he looked different.

And suddenly something clicked inside Wei Ying. Lan Zhan didn’t hate him.

But before the stone, that had been kicked into motion, could turn into a landslide, the memory showed its last scene.

Thirty three men appeared behind Lan Zhan, they demanded him to hand over Wei Ying.

Lan Zhan blocked them, even though they were clearly all elders from his clan.

He told them to step back – they did not.

He warned them not to try and touch Wei Ying – they tried.

Lan Zhan fought them all, striking them all down. In the end he said he would accept punishment for his crimes, he would go with them, but he wouldn’t let them harm Wei Ying.

Seeing how little choice they truly had, the elders accepted. Otherwise Lan Zhan could and probably would have cut them apart.

Lan Zahn faded out of the memory, just like the elders.

Tears suddenly filled Wei Yings eyes. But not because of himself.

He had been a student at Gusu Lan for long enough to know what punishment someone would get for hurting an elder and defying them.

And hurting thirty-three of them would mean thirty-three times the punishment: thirty-three lashes from the disciplinary whip.

Lan Zhan couldn’t have survived that.

Wei Yings emotions scrambled into place, finally he understood.

Lan Zhan had never accepted anyone breaking the rules, touching him or calling him by his birth name – but Wei Ying always got away with it – even if he was punished.

Still: Lan Zhan had never punished him any more severe than the rules asked for.

And back then when they had fought the tortoise of slaughter, he had refused all ideas that would have ended in Wei Ying sacrificing himself.

And much, much later, when everyone had called him a genius, a war hero, Lan Zhan was the only one who had told him off.

He was the only one who told him how much Wei Ying was harming himself.

So looking back, Lan Zhans ‘Come back to Gusu with me’ had probably never referred to a punishment.

Lan Zhan had wanted to help him.

Only an Idiot wouldn’t get that after seeing that memory.

Lan Zhan had looked at him with so much fond caring, there was no way that Lan Zhan didn’t care for him in one way or another.

Suddenly Wei Ying wanted nothing more than to see Lan Zhan and apologize.

Hopefully they would meet in death.

He pushed down onto the seal a final time, watching it crashing apart, finally giving in underneath the pressure and breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Wei Ying closed his eyes, accepting his fate with the last few tears slipping down his cheeks.

“Here I come Lan Zhan, I hope you can ever forgive me.”

When the wave of resentment came, it felt different than Wei Ying had assumed.

He had assumed it would rip his body into thousands of shreds.

He had assumed it would make him feel like he was burned and eaten alive.

He had assumed it would be an oppressive force taking all his life force from him.

But instead, all the energy crawled into his body, seeking a spot where it could be assembled and bundled – it didn’t want to be destroyed.

In consequence it didn’t destroy him either, it made him a vessel once again – like he had been before he had created the seal.

And instead of killing him off with the sheer amount of resentment that now swam around in his body, it formed something that felt like a golden core inside him.

He lived.

A-Yuan survived too. Still looking sick and weak, but breathing nonetheless.

And –

Wei Ying couldn’t believe his eyes.

Before him sat the one person he had been dying to meet.

Lan Zhan.

Ok, maybe he was dead.

“…Wei…Ying?”

Hearing the mirage in front of him speaking, Wei Ying tumbled forward, throwing an arm around Lan Zhans neck, crying into the mans neck as he pulled himself closer, nearly squishing A-Yuan between them.

“I am so, so sorry Lan Zhan, I misunderstood you – I take everything back. You were right, I was wrong – with everything. Please forgive my insolence!”

Wei Ying could feel Lan Zhan freezing up, could feel him flinch, then he felt something wet on his arm. The arm that he was embracing Lan Zhan with.

Before Lan Zhan could say anything, Wei Ying moved himself away and took Lan Zhan in.

He was only clad in sleeping wear. He was looking pale and sweaty. He didn’t smell like sandalwood like usually, instead he smelled of blood and bitter medicine. And there was blood on Wei Yings arms. Meaning that blood had to have seeped through Lan Zhan’s robe in his back and neck.

In fact Lan Zhan looked like he should be in a med bay instead of sitting around in the dirty burial mounts where his wounds could infect.

“Lan Zhan, I-”

This time Lan Zhan cut him off. “Minor wound. Don’t worry.”

Wei Ying went numb.

Wait.

The blood had come from Lan Zhans back and neck, right? Had these heartless Gusu People really whipped him thirty-three times? If so, how had he survived that?

But that much was clear as day: if Lan Zhan could bleed then he must be alive – in consequence both of them were alive. And on burial mount. During a siege on nonother than him – Wei Wuxian the cultivator who became the devil.

Wait, that actually brought forth many more questions. For example: how had Lan Zhan even gotten here? He didn’t look like he had participated in the siege after all.

Was that something the seal had pulled off? Some sort of ‘fulfilling your last wish’ joke?

“Wangji.” The shocked voice behind Land Zhan riled Wei Ying up.

How could Lan Xichen permit his brother to be punished this much and then act worried only a bit later!?

Without thinking about it, Wei Ying rose up and moved around Lan Zhan to block him from his brothers view.

“Wangji, I have already seen you. And even if I don’t know how you got here, please listen to reason and come here. You have been punished enough. Ask yourself – is this worth all your pain?”

Wei Ying was indignified at Lan Xichen ignoring him like this, but unwillingly he saw that Lan Xichen had a point in his words.

After all this was a siege against Wei Ying. And if Lan Zhan sided with him – should he ever do so – he would be taken down as well. And that was not at all acceptable.

Especially not now that Wei Ying was aware of how good and noble Lan Zhan truly was.

“Brother, Wei Ying is good.”

Wei Ying froze. Lan Zhan sounded like he was accusing his brother and the rest of the cultivators for having pushed Wei Ying into a corner – he spoke like he saw no wrongdoings in Wei Yings actions – like he believes Wei Ying was just exercising his right to defend himself and live. Like Wei Ying was just using the wrong means for the correct causes.

“Wangji!”

“I am impressed, how did you manage to twist the esteemed Hanguang-Jun like that? Since when have you two been this close?”

When Jiang Wangji stepped in, Zidian crackling in his hand, Lan Zhan stepped besides Wei Ying, showing no sign of intending to justify anything or rectify any accusations Wei Yings brother had made.

Wei Ying himself didn’t bother with his brothers’ words either. Instead, he just found himself puzzled as to why the vengeful spirits seemed to have been destroyed by the few cultivators in front of them.

They shouldn’t have been that weak.

And no one other than him should have been able to call them back – and he definitely hat not done so.

“Wangji, please.” Never had anyone seen Lan Xichen this pleading. “Return home with me. You shouldn’t let your feelings lead you onto the wrong path.”

“Not the wrong path.” Lan Zhans tone was harsh, unforgiving. “My choices.”

“Then go down with Wei Wuxian for all I care!” Jiang Cheng flicked his wrist and like a snake, Zidian shot forward.

It didn’t take a genius to see that Lan Zhan wouldn’t be able to dodge. He couldn’t block either. He had no weapon.

Without thinking Wei Ying moved, standing in between the whip and Lan Zhan, letting his back being frayed open as he faced Lan Zhan – shielding A-Yuan and Lan Zhan.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan made a move to reach for Wei Ying to stabilize him, but with his injuries the movement was too fast, forcing him back to his knees.

It had been a wonder for Lan Zhan to be able to stand in the first place anyway.

“Wangji!” While Lan Xichen only called out for his brother, Wei Ying went down with him, hugging the other man to his chest to help him take weight off his back. A-Yuan now lying across Wei Yings legs as he kept his back turned to his enemies so he could adjust Lan Zhans posture.

“It’s enough Lan Zhan. I understand. But that won’t change my crimes anymore. I will be convicted for them, so don’t involve yourself anymore. Thirty-three lashes are enough. I know you are the most righteous person in this world, but you shouldn’t have to suffer for my wrongdoings. Please don’t let your morals cause your death.”

“Don’t act like the generous hero here!”

A second lash came in, crackling down on Wei Yings back, but Wei Ying didn’t turn. He only looked at Lan Zhan. Trying to convince him of his words.

“Sect leader Jiang, let me handle this, please.” Lan Xichen spoke up, earning a huff from Jiang Cheng but the whip-lashes indeed stopped.

“Wei Wuxian, please let Wangji go. He has suffered enough on your accord.”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s soft tone shocked all present people equally – just for very different reasons.

Nie Mingjue, who seemed to have been able to avoid qi deviation, was pretty sure that Lan Qiren would go into qi diviation pretty soon too. Now that he had heard the absolute devotion in Lan Wangjis voice, he suddenly understood why Lan Wagji and Wei Wuxian had continuously fought among themselves during the sunshot campaign. He may have been a savage man in his nature, but he wasn’t stupid. He could differentiate between fights caused by being too different and fights caused by emotional involvement and worry. He now understood their relationship to be of the second nature, not the first one like the world had always assumed.

Su She on the other hand saw the man he had assumed to be incapable of producing any positive emotion, an arrogant block of ice, speak as though he was trying to convey all his thoughts and feelings in just one name. And he remembered. Back then, when the Gusu Lan disciples had fought the waterborne abyss, Wei Ying had dived down to rescue Su She from said abyss. And when Wei Wuxian had been at risk of sinking as well, Lan Wangji had swoped down and dragged them both up even though that was just abut the most dangerous thing he could have done. Su She felt his insides go cold. Seemingly Lan Wangji had been all about Wei Wuxian even back then when they were all just kids – his weakness had never been studies or fighting, it had always been another man.

Jiang Cheng surprised himself: he couldn’t help but feel jealous. He suddenly saw how his own bond with Wei Ying had broken apart while Lan Zhan had managed to stick around even though his situation hadn’t been much different for Jiang Cheng’s own. It was an eye-opener. After all Jiang Cheng had faulted his brother for everything while Lan Wangji seemed to have chosen to believe in Wei Ying. Maybe this siege could have been avoided, had he chosen to have faith in his brother and given him backing instead of forcing him to go rouge.

Lan Xichen, in comparison to all others, was the only one who went downright pale. He could see his brothers love for Wei Wuxian so clearly, that he was sure everyone else would notice it as well. On top of that he saw his brother being more than just willing to die for his love. Right here. Right now.

“Lan Zhan, please don’t do this to me. Don’t make me watch you die.”

Even more than before, the surrounding people underwent sudden enlightenment.

Jiang Cheng’s reaction was immediate. He paled. He had never known his brother to be gay.

Nie Mingjue facepalmed. No wonder had that guy always flirted with every woman but never started anything. He had already suspected Wei Wuxian to be asexual during the war, but this? Yea, that certainly explained a lot.

Su She was more extreme in his reaction. He was simply and downright disgusted. But then again, he wasn’t surprised. Looking back at how Wei Wuxian had always clung to Lan Wangji nothing else would make sense as explanation. Wei Wuxian had wasted more breaths and eye battings at Lan Zhan than all the females around them. It was still a revolting discovery though – especially when Su She thought about the fact that Wei Ying had actually seen him naked once.

Lan Xichens stomach churned for another reason. So his brothers love wasn’t one sided. But even though this wasn’t intuitive: this actually made nothing better. Wei Wuxian would find his death after all. What about his brother then?

“Wei Ying.” I was amazing how Lan Zhan managed to convey so many things with just his name. Wei Ying found himself smiling even in this situation.

“’Then don’t make watch you die’? Aren’t you just too sweet?” Wei Wuxian belatedly noticed his tongue slipping up, but as always, he couldn’t stop his tongue anymore. “Well then lets both live happily ever after with our son?”

Before anyone could react to the ‘son-comment’, a sudden burst of resentful energy washed over them.

The destroyed stygian tiger seal had set the corpses into beast-mode after all.

The onlookers of the Lan Zhan-Wei Ying-scene turned, getting ready to fight.

Wei Ying lifted his flute as well, preparing for a draining attempt at subduing the corpses while moving A-Yuan off his lap.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan reached for Wei Yings wrist as he stood up.

“Lan Zhan, please let me go, I am the only one who can call them back.” Wei Ying shook his wrist lightly, but Lan Zhan didn’t let go of him.

“Will you live?” Lan Zhan looked at him seriously. His eyes intense.

“Good question, I don’t know.” Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan an easy smile, trying to keep the mood light. “But if I do nothing, we will both die. We all will.”

Lan Zhan remained unmoving at first, then he reluctantly let Wei Ying go.

“Thank you for your trust.” Wei Ying gave another smile and turned to face the corpses. He let his senses reach out and tried to sense in what areas of the mount the corpses still roamed free.

The answer was quite frustrating: Everywhere.

Taking a deep breath – drawing all the dark energy in his body outside and into his breath – he started blowing air into the instrument.

The quickest cultivators ahead of him immediately turned towards him. Nie Mingjue, Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen attacked Wei Ying without second thought – assuming he was trying to aid and coordinate the corpses. A moment later Su She started playing some attack music on his gequin.

The other cultivators remained still and unmoving, still facing the front so that they could see the incoming corpses and hold them off, while the others dealt with the Yiling patriarch.

Wei Ying made no attempt to defend himself, he even closed his eyes as he continued playing a connecting melody – trying to tie the corpses energies into a single string so he could calm them all in one go later on.

But his goals weren’t visible to his attackers, so Jiang Cheng – the only one who could deal physical damage effectively from the distance – lashed out with his Zidian first – attempting to stop Wei Ying from whatever he was trying to do.

His plan didn’t work out though. Lan Zhan caught the whip without hesitation, letting his hand be seared and his body be shocked. He nearly dropped to the ground again – after all standing and fighting weren’t exactly a piece of cake after those thirty-three disciplinary whip lashes.

But he remained standing, showing the incoming attackers a straight up glare for daring to attack his beloved one.

In the end, Lan Xichen was the one who saw that his brother would protect Wei Ying until the bitter end or die trying – so he swooped in and fought off Nie Mingjue and Su She while Lan Zhan kept holding onto Zidian, hereby immobilizing Jiang Cheng until the man finally gave in and retracted the whip.

Lan Xichen still remeined standing in front of his brother and Wei Wuxian – not at all liking the fact that he had to defend a mass murderer, but he would gladly do so for now if that meant his brother got to live.

“I am done. I can deal with them.”

Surprised at Wei Wuxians tone Lan Xichen threw a single glance at the black clad man. He was smiling at Lan Zhan.

“How?” Lan Xichen didn’t miss out on the fact that his brother by no way doubted Wei Wuxian, in fact his brother seemed worried about the man at most.

“A secret melody.” Wei Ying winked at Lan Zhan. “It has been playing in my head whenever I needed to calm down – and let me tell you: it works miraculously well!”

Lan Zhan gave Wei Ying a questioning look but let the vague answer pass anyway.

“Go.”

“I will.” With another smile Wei Ying passed by the Lan brothers and all other cultivators around them – except Lan Zhan they all tailed him with suspicious glances.

Wei Ying didn’t care though. He was used to mistrust. Besides, if he wanted to calm those corpses down, he couldn’t let his mind be disturbed.

So, he stayed serene, thinking of the music in his heart, closed his eyes and started playing.

Behind him Lan Zhan wavered, his eyes shooting open as he had to steady himself against a boulder.

That was Wangxian – the song he had written for Wei Ying! And as far as he knew, he only hummed it to Wei Ying once while said man wasn’t even fully aware.

How had Wei Ying remembered the notes?

And-

His heart jumped. Wei Ying remembered. Wei Ying had said this song had clamed him when he needed it. Wei Ying must have carried this song in his heart.

And most importantly: he used it to calm down the corpses around them – showing that his heart must have a strong attachment which he could write onto the corpses by plying the song.

Lan Zhan burst with love for this man.

He couldn’t stand by, he brushed his worried brother off, who had attempted to steady him, walked straight at Su She, took the guys gequin and joined Wei Ying – on his way already starting to play his own song. Effectively shutting Su She’s screaming about Lan Zhan’s audacity to steal his instrument up.

The cultivators could only watch on in bewilderment as they witnessed Lan Zhan and Wei Ying duetting a song all of them had never heard before.

It was a song these two obviously shared in between themselves.

And watching it was nearly scary: Lan Zhan was obviously boosting the effect Wei Yings music had, his pure cultivation nourishing Wei Yings demonic one.

One after another the corpses were put to rest.

Not only did they lose all life, they even sank right back into the earth, vanishing like they had never been there.

The duo played the song twice until all corpses were subdued, the resentful energy in the air fading – just like the resentful energy within Wei Ying and the energy all-in-all within Lan Zhan.

Shortly after having played the last note, Wei Ying wavered and fell unconscious. Lan Zhan caught him and went down with him, landing straight on the ground with his arms wrapped around Wei Ying.

When the other cultivators closed in in them, Lan Zhan glared at them – warning them not to make a wrong move.

And that was how – against all intuitions – Lan Xichen ended up bringing the Yiling patriarch to Gusu. Otherwise, his brother wouldn’t have gone back there for treatment himself.

In fact, because of that, the remnants of the siege, the rests of the major sects and a few others, had come together to discuss what should be done from here on.

Most of them still wanted the Yiling patriarch dead and Lan Wangji punished until he dropped dead, but there were also those who suddenly weren’t in favor of destroying Wei Ying anymore.

Like Nie Mingjue – he had seen how little evil intent had been inside Wei Wuxians eyes after he wasn’t threatened by them anymore. He had been there when Wei Wuxian had called the corpses off, clearly defending all of them even though he could simply have escaped alone. So, if they left Wei Wuxian alone, he probably wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Jiang Cheng was the same. Now that someone else had stepped up for his brother, he couldn’t really remain standing against him. And even if he couldn’t forgive him for killing his sister and her husband, making Wei Ying live and take responsibility would probably be more satisfying than just killing him once anyway. Besides, he had not forgotten his jealousy from before either. He wasn’t blind – he wanted his brother around. He had just denied that up until now – all because of his stupid pride.

Lan Xichen opposed a severe punishment as well – even if he only did so to keep his brother alive and in the best case scenario also allow him a live with his love.

Naturally there also where those who wouldn’t listen. Su She and Jin Guangyao wanted to execute a punishment ‘to set an example’, while others wanted ‘the evil removed from the word’ – all the while not knowing, that said evil was currently inside the Gusu med bay, arguing with Lan Zhan.

“Stop being so petty! I know you hate others touching you but the head doctor isn’t here right now and your bandages must be soaked if your clothes look like that! Let me change them already!”

“Wei Ying-” It was a warning, clearly, but Wei Ying couldn’t have cared less. “No, you are being unreasonable. Do you want your wounds to infect?” Wei Ying crossed his arms, looking impatient. “Or are you afraid of letting me see your wounds?”

Lan Zhan didn’t answer.

“Whatever it is Lan Zhan, get over it and let me help you. Please. I want to do at least that much after all the trouble I caused you.”

Lan Zhan looked like he still wanted to say ‘no’, but he didn’t. He was clearly affected by Wei Yings display of guilt.

“Besides now that you are my husband it is my duty to take care of you!” Wei Ying realized what he has said belatedly once again. Well, he just had to go and ruin it, right? Him and his loose tongue. He really should get rid of that flirting habit.

“Husband?” Lan Zhan looked deadpanned. His voice devoid of anything. But contrary to his expression, his eyes had taken on a dark sparkle.

Was he angry? Or maybe just on the way to getting riled up like when they were teenagers?

Suddenly very much desiring to tease Lan Zhan like he had done when they were young Wei Ying gave an enthusiastic nod, speaking enthusiastically. “Yes, husband! I mean you saved me, right? With that I am the damsel in distress, and you are my prince – thus a wedding is in order, right?” Wei Ying winked at Lan Zhan, puckering his lips in an act of expecting a kiss before he added a sweet sounding, “Besides we have a son already. And A-Yuan remembers what I said back then. Plus he said I was looking at you like a mommy looks at a daddy, so-“

Ah yes, there it was: Wei Yings teasing backfiring on him. He had not watched his mouth and was punished for it. And he most definitely had to fix that. As in right now.

“But then again, forget it, what do kids know?” Laughing it off Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan a small shove, making him sit down on one of the beds in the med bay, acting as naturally as he could, as he acted like he still only cared about changing Lan Zhans bandages.

“Children are honest. You are not.”

Surprised Lan Zhan would actually say such a thing, Wei Ying stilled his hands before they could come into contact with Lan Zhans robes.

“What is that supposed to mean? I will have you know that I am a very serious, very honest guy. That is why everyone likes me!” Wei Ying paused, then signed and corrected himself. “Ok, why everyone liked me. Past tense. The demonic cultivation gave my image a little blow.”

“Wei Ying?” Asking his ‘Are you ok?’ in the manner that was so much like him, Lan Zhan looked at Wei Ying in mild worry. He did not like the undertone Wei Ying had just used.

“Ah, never mind. It is too bothersome to constantly be surrounded by people anyway.” Wei Ying closed his eyes. “Besides, most of the people I knew throughout my life and actually liked are gone by now, so…”

Lan Zhan fell silent, not knowing what to tell Wei Ying to make him feel better. Social contacts had never been his forte. That was always more of his brother’s talent.

“But you know Lan Zhan…when I understood that you didn’t hate me, that was good enough. It made me happy.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened. “Never hated Wei Ying.”

“I know that now.” Wei Ying signed, this time reaching for Lan Zhan’s robes for real. “But I didn’t get that for a long time. In fact, when we were young, I thought you at least liked me a bit but as time passed, I was surer and surer that you hated me for acting the way I acted, saying the things I said and in short, well just hated me being me.” Wei Ying undid the front of Lan Zhan’s belt, careful not to rip at it in case it would pull the fabric of Lan Zhan’s cloths and drag them over his wounds or the bandages. “But at burial mount I saw a memory of the stygian tiger seal. It showed me how you defended me and cared for me after the last battle before the siege.”

“You didn’t remember that?” Lan Zhan sounded surprised, he even sounded a bit pained.

“No, sorry. My cultivation tends to block things out whenever I am going through phases where I feel dark emotions very strongly.” Throwing the belts aside as their backs where bloodied, Wei Ying bent down a bit more so he could start taking Lan Zhan’s robes off.

“How much do you remember now?” Lan Zhan caught Wei Yings hands, not letting him touch his clothes any further.

“Well, you saved me, cared for my wounds, spoke some words I do not recall but remember to be spoken softly and then you were led away for-” Wei Ying nodded at Lan Zhan’s robes, clearly meaning the punishment. “And now do me a favor and set my hands free, I need them to undress you.”

“Don’t.” Lan Zhan’s voice sounded strained – quite apparently so.

“Oh, come on Lan Zhan, I already undid your belt, so we are halfway there anyway. Besides, it’s not like I will peel you out of your pants.”

Apparently, Lan Zhan didn’t take it the humorous way. His grasp on Wei Ying tightened even more.

“I will wait for the doctor.”

“You don’t trust me to do this properly, do you?” Wei Ying suddenly had lost all jokes and fun comments. He didn’t know why, but he was growing angry – the resentful energy escaping his body made that quite noticeable for Lan Zhan as well.

“Wei Ying-” That was a ‘no, that is not the issue’, a ‘I trust you’, an ‘I am sorry if I offended you’ – but Wei Ying wasn’t willing to listen. With Lan Zhan things always had to end like that. Ever since he had crawled back out of the burial mounts.

“Ok then, what is it if that’s not the issue? And don’t tell me it’s your hatred for touching as long you would let another touch you.” Wei Ying tried to pull himself free, but Lan Zhan didn’t let go of him. And Lan Zhan had always been stronger than Wei Ying.

Wei Ying still tried to free himself two more times. All the while Lan Zhan remained quiet, not willing to tell the truth.

“Yiling Patriarch!” Hearing the call of his title, Wei Ying finally managed to pull himself free, quickly using the chance to distance himself from Lan Zhan.

“Yes?”

“The child has woken up. He wants to see you.”

Wei Ying immediately forgot his anger, rushing towards where he knew A-Yuan to rest.

The boy had recuperated quite well. His fever had gone down, he had been clad in new clothes – and even through they sadly were the white mourning robes of the Gusu Lan sect and not something pretty, they were at the very least clean. A-Yuan had even had been provided with a few snacks.

By the time A-Yuan had finished them and gone back to sleep – strangely not asking for anyone of the Wens, which caused Wei Ying quite a few worries, even if it may just have been a trauma from the fever – the doctor had already changed Lan Zhan’s bandages.

That is how he ended in this situation: As he went back to join Lan Zhan again, feeling like he should inform him about A-Yuan’s health, the female doctor – who had just finished her work on Lan Zhan and clothed the man again – went straight up towards him and demanded him to take off his coat so she could change the bandage on his arm. The gash Lan Xichen had left there was quite nasty and bled quite a lot after all.

Not at all thinking about what he was doing, he undressed his clothes right on the spot – until he was only left with his pants.

“You aren’t exactly shy, are you?” The doctor smiled as she got to work.

“Me? No, I have never been the shy type.” Wei Ying send a semi-heartfelt glare into Lan Zhan’s direction, wanting to add a ‘not like the statue over there’ – he was taking the whole bandaging affair quite personally – but ended up with his words stuck in his throat.

Lan Zhan was looking straight at them – or him to be exact. With quite dark eyes. The look was close to an angry one but somehow different.

Anyhow, it went straight to Wei Yings gut, setting something alive in there.

Especially since Lan Zhan had his eyes everywhere but on Wei Yings eyes – he didn’t even know he had been caught staring.

“Oh, what is this? I didn’t notice it before when I wrapped you up for the first time.” The doctor ran a hand along the burn-mark on his chest. “It looks like the Qishan Wen sects coat of arms.”

“That’s because it is their coat of arms.” Wei Ying scratched his head, looking down at his own chest. “I got that mark when I pushed a girl out of the way. I haven’t seen her since though.”

“Do you want me to get you a cream for that? It may lighten up the scar.”

“That isn’t necessary. It has been healed for many years now anyway. Besides, I have so many scars that it doesn’t matter if this one if visible or not.”

“I see.” The doctor smiled. Her mien was a tat bit sad. “Take more care of yourself in the future. Your skin may heal but the tissue will never be the same once it was hurt that deeply.”

“Yes doctor!” Smiling in an easygoing way, Wei Ying watched the doctor disappear, then looked back at Lan Zhan, surprised to find him standing nearly directly in front of him.

“What is it?”

“When did you get so many scars?”

Blinking at Lan Zhan’s question, Wei Ying looked down at himself. “It’s not that bad you know.”

“There were a lot less.” Wei Ying looked up again, starring into Lan Zhan’s eyes.

“What? When did you ever see me naked before!”

Lan Zhan remained silent, instead just continuing to look at every single scar, his gaze hardening when his eyes found the burn mark on Wi Yings chest.

“You should have accepted that cream.”

“You sound like you really hate that scar.” Wei Ying laughed a bit, lifting his hand to feel over the scar. His skin had a strange texture there – much rougher and harder.

“I do.”

Surprised at Lan Zhan not only hating a scar, that was not even on his own body, and even admitting to it, Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan again, this time moving into his line of sight so that Lan Zhan’s eyes meet his own instead of the scar. “What? Why? Didn’t we agree back then that it was better for me to have it, than for MianMian to have it on her face?”

Lan Zhan remained silent.

“Hey, I am talking to you! You are being rude, you know!” Making a scene was one of Wei Yings strongest suits, so he went and acted spoiled – just like he had done so many times before.

“Besides, I don’t see why you would hate something I got because I was selfless for once!”

“That is not the problem.”

Not having expected that Lan Zhan would actually entertain him by letting himself be teased, Wei Ying smirked, forming yet another glorious plan inside his head.

“Well, what is the problem then? The one who I got the scar for?” He wiggled his eyebrows, hinting how he had teased Lan Zhan for liking MianMian back then in the cave of the tortoise of slaughter. “Ah Lan Zhan, rest assured, I never did and never will love MianMian, she is all yours.” He snickered seeing how Lan Zhan’s face shifted into something akin to annoyance.

“Oh and one more secret-” Deciding to add another layer to the teasing, Wei Ying stood straight, coming closer and closer to Lan Zhan’s face before he finally moved to the side a bit and whispered straight into the other mans ears. “-I would have acted the same way if you were the one about to be burned, we can’t have the most beautiful cultivator disfigured, can we?”

Instead of getting Lan Zhan to turn bashful or turn red or anything else that was cute, Wei Ying was shocked to see Lan Zhan flinch.

He immediately felt something wasn’t right. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have come that close to you. Or said that. Or done whatever I did wrong.”

Wei Ying stepped backwards, lifting his hands upwards in a show of ‘I give up, it was my fault’.. Lan Zhan didn’t react. Now this was bad.

“Lan Zhan? What is it? Talk to me please?”

Lan Zhan turned around and went back to the bed, Wei Ying could see how he was forcing himself to walk straight and upright. It must have been hurting his back more than anyone else would ever been able to bear. Or at least more than Wei Ying himself could have been able to bear.

“Lan Zhan, please don’t ignore me, ok? You know I say and do a lot of things, but I don’t mean them, so please-” As Wei Ying hurried after him, completely disregarding the fact that he was still half naked, Lan Zhan let out a shaky breath.

“That is also a problem, yes.”

Wei Ying froze. Just what had he done to mess up this badly? Before Lan Zhan had often been angry at him, but the silent treatment was new – and he did not like it, not at all.

“Lan Zhan, you are making me feel disliked again, I-”

“Disliked?” Even though Wei Ying had only tried to fix the situation by telling Lan Zhan what kind of misunderstanding would come from this, he seemed to have worsened it all. Lan Zhan was definitely in a bad mood now.

“Ok sorry Lan Zhan, I didn’t think about what I just said, forget it. I just-” Wei Ying broke off. What had he wanted? Why were things this complicated right now anyway?

“You know Lan Zhan, I just like you, so I want to tease you, I am sorry.” Giving up, Wei Ying rubbed his face, not knowing how else he should tell Lan Zhan that he was someone he regarded highly and had always wanted to be friends with. He just couldn’t control his tongue. But that changed non of his feelings.

“Do not say things you do not mean.”

“But I do mean it!” Exasperated Wei Ying found himself, for the first time ever, thinking Lan Zhan to be blockheaded and stupid. What would it take for Lan Zhan to take him serious for once? Sure, he joked around a lot but even he had his honest moments! Then it hit him, a genius idea.

“I know what to do to show you the truth of my words!” Rushing past Lan Zhan, Wei Ying went to the doctors table, snatched a paper and a brush plus the liquid ink, and returned to Lan Zhan.

In front of Lan Zhan Wei Ying ripped a piece of the paper off and started to write something onto it. “There! A truth-talisman! I developed it so A-Yuan couldn’t lie to me whenever I asked whether or not he had brushed his teeth!”

Lan Zhan gave him an empty stare, clearly not believing him – once again.

So, Wei Ying took the liberty to take Lan Zhan’s hand and put the makeshift-talisman on top of his palm.

Then he asked a question, his eyes glinted mischievously. “I presented you with two rabbits back in our teen days. Did you like them?”

“Yes.” Lan Zhan’s eyes widened hearing his own answer, his ears started to turn pink in embarrassment.

“See, you can’t lie with that talisman!” Wei Ying snickered at Lan Zhan before taking the paper into his own hands again. “And now ask me all questions you want an honest answer to, I won’t be able to lie or evade the question for once so use this chance.”

And Lan Zhan did. It was nearly a surprise with him being such a goody-two-shoes.

“Did or do you like MianMian?”

Wei Ying laughed; Lan Zhan was way too cute asking that question even though the answer was so obvious. “No.”

“Why did you push her aside then?”

“Because I didn’t what her face to be marred.”

“Would you have done that for everyone else too?”

“Hell no” Wei Ying made a face. For all he cared Wen Chao for example could gladly have been burned. And Jiang Cheng would have had to save his ass himself, sorry not sorry, but being saved was a sweet-person-privilege not an angry-person-privilege.

“Then why did you say you would have taken that burn for me then?”

“Because you being burned would absolutely not be an option – ever. It was bad enough that the Wen sect dared to break your leg back then. I was already angry enough at them for that.” Wei Ying huffed, in fact, yes, his answer reminded him just how angry he had been back then. He would gladly have broken Wen Chaos legs as thank-you back then.

Lan Zhan fell quiet for a moment.

Wei Ying moved his head to the side, looking puzzled. “Wait, aren’t you going to ask me if I like you? I thought that was what you didn’t believe coming from me first and foremost.”

Lan Zhan hesitated for a moment. He didn’t know if the answer to that question would make him happy, even if Wei Ying did indeed like him as friend.

“Come on Lan Zhan, just ask me. Or else I will be sad because you will never believe me that I like you.”

Lan Zhan half-signed, finally giving in. “Fine. Do you like me?”

“I do. You always have been and always will be my favorite person.” At first Wei Ying smiled, glad to finally be asked the important question, but as he heard himself answer he nearly suffered a heart attack.

What was that with the favorite person? Hey, hey, the talisman was supposed to make him say the absolute truth – how did something that mushy come out?

And how could Lan Zhan always have been his favorite person when at some point his shijie had been around as well?

Or…wait a minute – the talisman was making him say the truth.

Wei Ying blinked. He had just realized he was seriously stupid.

He liked Lan Zhan more than his siter because he wasn’t just a friend.

Only now did he noticed how much more of his time he had always spend on Lan Zhan than on all others – girls included.

And he had always cared about Lan Zhan’s opinion more than anyone else’s.

Plus, he had only been this fierce in all his fights and arguments with Lan Zhan because he assumed Lan Zhan wanted to punish him for his ways or condemned him and that was the absolute last thing, he wanted Lan Zhan to desire when it came to himself.

So yes, he was in love with Lan Zhan. Which was kind of suboptimal.

Couldn’t he at least have fallen for someone who might like him back one day? Fate really was cruel.

“Do not lie.”

“Lan Zhan, I literally can’t lie right now!” Ah, good, Lan Zhan seemed to be stupid in this area – just like Wei Ying himself. He hadn’t realized what Wei Yings words had meant. Lucky him – that spared him the rejection and the awkward atmosphere afterwards – plus the heartbreak. Wei Ying however still averted his eyes, sitting down on the floor leaning back with his face directed at the roof instead of at Lan Zhan – who was seated on the bed across from him.

“You make it sound like you love me.” Ok correction: Lan Zhan was neither obvious nor stupid in this area. But he was stupid in another area. He said his words as statement, not as question: meaning Wei Ying could evade the truth since he frankly speaking would not be lying.

“Well I guess-” Wei Ying couldn’t help himself and sneaked a glance at Lan Zhan, wanting to see how Lan Zhan may or may not take a confession – just as theoretical knowledge. He however broke off when he saw Lan Zhan’s Face shifting through dozens of emotions.

“Are you ok?” Asking Lan Zhan that question had come naturally to him but since he was the one holding the talisman and not Lan Zhan, he may not get an honest answer anyway, even if he asked him. Then again Lan Zhan had probably not lied once in bis life. After all it was against the Gusu Lans sects rules.

“Wei Ying, put the talisman aside if you don’t want to tell me. Otherwise, I will ask.” Confused about what Lan Zhan was even talking about – especially since he had just completely ignored Wei Yings question, which could be counted as rude, which in turn would be against the Gusu Lan sect rules – Wei Ying failed to put the talisman aside.

“Wei Ying, did you ever like someone?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.” Now that Lan Zhan had already admitted that much, Wei Ying suddenly had the desire to turn tables – especially since Lan Zahn’s last question for him had hit too close to home. Thus, he quickly took the talisman and slapped it into Lan Zhan’s lap.

“How many people did you like in your life Lan Zhan? Romantically I mean.”

“One.” As Lan Zhan hadn’t been quick enough to get rid of the talisman, he was forced to answer. Even if he was visibly not comfortable with having been made to admit that.

Wei Ying decided to make it up to him with a bit of his own honesty. “Me too. I only loved one person as well. Even though it took me half my life to figure that out.”

Saying it out loud was kind of embarrassing but seeing Lan Zhan’s surprised reaction made it worth it.

And suddenly Wei Ying went devil-may-care. He wanted to know who the lucky one was, who Lan Zhan was in love with, even if he had to admit his own feelings in turn. He was sure Lan Zhan would be too nice to force him out of his life.

Good thing that Lan Zhan was still holding the talisman.

And yes, Wei Ying knew fully well that Lan Zhan would be angry at him for drawing the next bit of information out of him – but whatever, he was a fool in love so he was allowed to do stupid things.

“Who is the one you love?”

Wei Ying had never seen Lan Zhan cast a silencing spell this quickly. Especially not on himself.

“That is cheating!”

Lan Zhan gave Wei Ying a that-question-was-off-limits-look. Wei Ying pouted.

“Fine, fine. Then another question, ok?”

Lan Zhan didn’t lift the silencing spell, seemingly afraid of the prior questions answer tumbling past his lips – or he was simply burdened with serious trust issues now.

“Come on Lan Zhan, I promise to be good. I won’t pull such a trick again. I will even tell you something more intimate about me, that you want to know as apology. So, pretty please, forgive me?” Trying his best to look cute and lovable, Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan the puppy dog eyes – which was ironic given Wei Yings fear of dogs.

But Lan Zhan remained unmoved.

So, Wei Ying did the only thing he thought to be possible.

He played the game with and against himself to get back on Lan Zhan’s good side.

“Did you ever attempt serious advances at someone other the one you loved?” Quickly snatching the talisman from Lan Zhan, Wei Ying made himself force-answer the truth.

And he was quite glad he added the ‘except the one you loved’ clause – after all he was quite sure he had been serious to a certain degree when flirting with Lan Zhan at times. “No.”

Putting the talisman back into Lan Zhans lap, Wei Ying smiled again, trying to get Lan Zhan to loosen up. “There you have it, I am actually quite a sensible man. So please talk to me again?”

But instead of talking to him right away, Lan Zhan seemed to progress what he had just heard first. Then he picked up the talisman again and pushed it back at Wei Ying before lifting his silencing spell and asking his next question – quite obviously happy that the answer he had priorly hidden had not tumbled out along with the question.

“Did you ever kiss someone?”

To say Wei Ying was shocked at such an intimate question would have been a grand understatement but given the fact that he was holding the talisman, he had to answer. And actually, he was surprised at his own answer – wasn’t it a lie after all? “No.”

Lan Zhan froze. “You lied. How is that possible?”

Wei Ying, still under the effect of the talisman, answered right back. “I didn’t and it isn’t. I never kissed anyone.” Well ok, as long as he said it like that it was true. After all he had not done the kissing – he had been kissed.

Wei Ying had never seen Lan Zhan look so furious as he did right now. “Do not lie to me. I know you have kissed someone before.”

“Lan Zhan I really can’t lie right now as long as you ask me something! Besides, how would you know whether or not I had-” Wei Ying broke off. Wait, wait, wait. The only kiss he had had and thus the only kiss Lan Zhan could know of was that one – or rather the series of kisses – that was stolen from him at Phoenix mount. And no one except him and that overly strong girl should have witnessed that. The resentful energy inside him was way to weary of all people to not inform him about another presence had there been one. So that only left…the girl?

Oh. Wait: had that girl gone running around telling everyone about that!?

Well, that made it kind of embarrassing.

Or wait, no, right: After that kiss Wei Ying had meet Lan Zhan and they had talked about kisses. Or rather Wei Ying had told Lan Zhan about how many kisses he had had and teased Lan Zhan about how his lips would probably stay virgin for the rest of his life.

Suddenly Wei Ying had to laugh – so that was what this was about. “Ok, I admit it Lan Zhan, I lied to you back then.” Holding up the truth-talisman to empathize that he was indeed telling the truth right at this moment, Wei Ying smiled even broader, even now still feeling amusement at his teenager self’s way of acting. “Back then at Phoenix mount-”

Wei Ying definitely saw Lan Zhan’s eyes dodge his at that – which was strange. Hadn’t he wanted the truth in the first place after all?

Choosing to ignore that detail, Wei Ying continued with his explanation. “-I told you I had already kissed dozens of people dozens of times, right?”

Watching Lan Zhan turn back towards him, like he had not expected this but something else to be brought up, but now that it was something else than what he had feared, he was interested again, Wei Ying just had to smile again. How could anyone be this cute at Lan Zhan’s age and size?

“Well, my dear Lan Zhan, that was a lie.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened once again, suddenly the tip of his ears shone a bright red. “So, your first kiss was…?”

By the Lan Zhan trailed off, Wei Ying couldn’t stop himself from answering anymore. His reflexes of putting the talisman had been too slow and he couldn’t silence himself, so yes, he was in for an embarrassment.

“My first kiss was stolen from me just before I meet you on Phoenix mount. I don’t even know who it was.”

Lan Zhan didn’t move an inch – but the way his eyes suddenly seemed to have turned into deep, dark swirling pools of something powerful, made Wei Yings mouth go dry.

On instinct he licked his lips – not realizing how sensitive his lips seemed to be. His stomach however knew – if that flutter was any indication.

And Lan Zhan, who seemed to be tracking his tongues movement with his eyes, wasn’t helping to ease that feeling inside him either.

So, in order to get his attention somewhere else, he did what he always did. He started to ramble. “Well but you know, it was really strange. You know, I was already cultivation the dark path back then but the resentment inside of me made no move to defend me. Thus the one who kissed me must actually have been someone who the energy knew and knew of that I trusted them.”

Lan Zhan kept starring down at Wei Ying, making the other one’s mind grow even more chaotic, casing Wei Yings rambling to worsen – with the worst part being that Wei Ying still held onto the truth talisman.

“But I didn’t have that many people whom I trusted enough to let them come that close to me. Basically, there were only my shijie, and she wouldn’t have kissed me, just no, besides she loved the peacock back then already – my brother, and oh Lord, believe me, if he was the one who did that I would castrate him, but I think I am safe from that ever being a real danger, considering that he doesn’t know anything about love and will probably be a single for life anyway – and well, then there is…you?”

Wei Ying stopped at that. Wait a minute, did this truth talisman turn him into a detective? First off, he found out with whom he was in love with – and generally even just that he was in love with someone – and now he seemed to be finding out who had stolen his first kiss from him?

But Lan Zhan wouldn’t do something like that, right? After all-

All of Wei Yings thoughts skitter to a halt.

Lan Zhan was no longer sitting on his bed.

He was down on his knees in front of him. His hands on his cheeks. His lips on Wei Yings. And he wasn’t going slow either – in fact he was quite aggressive.

Lan Zhan was devouring Wei Yings mouth. He kept going in for more, not even waiting for Wei Ying to respond to him as he separated their lips by the tiniest fractions to bring them together at another angle just a split second later.

Lan Zhan made sure to move his lips from side to side, giving Wei Ying the feeling of their lips being inseparable even if they weren’t glued into one position.

There was no shyness, no hesitation – just an obvious hunger and passion that did not seem to be like Lan Zhan at all. But it was very much like the heated demanding kisses he had received on Phoenix mount.

So, it had been Lan Zhan!

Suddenly feeling as though the sun had decided to rise from within his body at this exact moment, Wei Ying threw his arms round Lan Zhan’s neck, responding as well as he could with his mind not being able to come up with a single coherent thought or course of action.

But it seemed to do the trick for Lan Zhan. He let out a low growl, his hand leaving Wei Yings face now that Wei Ying was pressing back so fiercely.

Possessively, he slid them down Wei Yings naked sides, one hand grasping his hipbone while the other traveled to his lower back, pulling him flush against Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying felt electrified, his whole body was buzzing. His mind went places that had never been explored before.

“God, I love you, Lan Zhan.” Not even realizing how he has started babbling again just moments after Lan Zhan had started to kiss down his neck, instead of shutting his stupid mouth up, he clutched the talisman – which he still held in his hand – even harder, withering under Lan Zhan’s lips.

But the very heartbeat that the words had come out of his mouth, Lan Zhan stopped his ministrations, lifting his face back up to look at Wei Ying.

To others, Lan Zhan may have looked normal, but to Wei Ying, there was a whole other dimension written over Lan Zhan’s features.

The usually golden suns that were his eyes, had turned into deep rich amber colored honey. And even if his face itself remained pretty much unchanged, his ears were red, his breathing a little quick, his lips parted, and there was a fervor written right onto his soul, which spoke volumes of how much and how long Lan Zhan had been dying to kiss Wei Ying like this.

“Repeat that.” Lan Zhan sounded like he was demanding it and yet was pleading for it at the same time.

And even in his dizziness, Wei Ying understood how fragile this moment was.

So, he loosened his hold around Lan Zhan’s neck – startling the man for a second, probably making him fear that Wei Ying had come back to himself and was filled with regret.

“Don’t let your mind come up with something ridiculous now Lan Zhan.” Speaking oh so lovingly, Wei Ying showed Lan Zhan the talisman once again before he held it to his heart.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-Jun, you are the love of my life. You have been since I came to Gusu, even if I only got it today.”

Lan Zhan didn’t move, but he was listening. And he was yearning for whatever Wei Ying was willing to give him.

So, Wei Ying decided to make his confession a grant one. Lan Zhan certainly deserved that. “Lan Zhan, you are not only my sun, you are my entire solar system – without you the sky isn’t infinite and the earth has no gravity. You are my oxygen, and I am dying to breath. I will walk to the end of this earth for you, I will go to and through hell if that means I can earn myself a place by your side.” Wei Ying couldn’t help himself, his lips just started smiling on their own accord. “I liked you when I first saw you, standing there in the moonlight with that regal countenance of yours, those all-seeing beautiful eyes of yours and that smooth voice, telling me about all the rules I broke. Then I came to adore you when you sat in class, all serious, and before I knew it, I loved you when you and I were alone in the library – I loved being around you so much that I took more than one month longer to copy all the texts than I would have needed.” Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan a peck to the lips. “And in case you didn’t notice – I flirted with many, but you were the only one I ever gave a present to. These bunnies were like us, weren’t they? A calm and responsible white one and a quirky, troublesome black one. And even they were lovers. We must truly be fated, I-”

Way Ying had no chance to sprout any more words of eternal love.

Lan Zhan had already shut him up, diving in for more and more of the only substance that could drive him mad with desire. “Like you, adore you, love you.” Lan Zhan was whispering against Wei Yings lips, staying so close to them that his lips dragged over Wei Yings as he spoke. “Want you so much. Always have. Back then too.” And suddenly Lan Zhan went even further, licking Wei Yings lips, biting them, pulling them and finally parting them as his tongue infiltrated Wei Yings mouth.

A wanton sound came out of Wei Yings throat, taking both of them by surprise. But while Wei Ying for once nearly fell into the pit of feeling shame, Lan Zhan seemed to have decided that just one of these sounds wasn’t enough.

He quickly turned Wei Ying into an instrument, pulling all his strings, making him use his voice to create all kids of new noises.

“Want to bed Wei Ying.”

These words shot straight down to Wei Yings lower half – not that that part of him hadn’t already come very much alive anyway.

“Want to bed Wei Ying every day.”

Nearly going insane from all the sensations and words, Wei Ying could only throw his head back, letting Lan Zhan do as he pleased as he sucked on his neck, making sure to lay a very visible claim on his beloved.

“Then marry me Lan Zhan, I’ll be the first and lace face you see every day.”

Wei Ying was only half aware of what he was saying, but Lan Zhan made up for Wei Ying’s lacking attention, by searing Wei Yings words into his mind, making sure to hold Wei Ying to them.

“Would Wei Ying want to marry me?” Lan Zhan pulled back after he had created a satisfactory mark, going back to kiss Wei Ying, talking to him at the same time – being cattier now than ever before.

“Yes, of course, I would marry you on the spot if I could. I have loved you for long already, I have no doubt I will love you for the rest of my life.”

Wei Ying kissed Lan Zhan back with an equal amount of passion, sneakily moving his arms while Lan Zhan was drowning in the sensation of his beloved kissing him back with no less affection or passion than he himself felt.

Then suddenly, Lan Zhan felt his robes parting, his belts and outer garments sliding open as Wei Ying moved his hands underneath them.

“But you will have to live with me being naughty and flirting with you all day and night long.”

Lan Zhan had no complaint regarding that.

His world, his life, was not only in love with him, no he wanted to touch him and marry him too – it made something in Lan Zhan roar in triumph. He bend over Wei Ying, covering the others entire sight. Wei Ying softly raked his nails up and down over his bandages.

Surprisingly Lan Zhan couldn’t feel his back at all – it might have been the pain killers or just his drunkenness of what was happening right now, but either way, he saw no reason to hold back,

For once he went against schedule, against plans and the proper order of things, giving himself to his racing heart and pulsing body.

He pushed Wei Ying down onto the floor, ridding himself of his upper and inner garments at the same, leaving him equally clad or rather naked as Wei Ying was.

Wei Ying drank in the sight of him, and even with the bandages, he saw the most perfect man he had ever laid eyes on.

“Gods, how did I land you – what have I ever done to deserve you.” And with that Wei Ying pulled Lan Zhan back down, demanding to be kissed senseless – Lan Zhan gladly obliged.

At least until Wei Ying drew a leg up and – whether accidentally or not – brushed against a rather neglected part of Lan Zhan’s body.

Lan Zhan’s breath came out in a strained puff. “Wei Ying, if you don’t what to be taken right here, right now, I would suggest you stop playing with fire.”

“And what if I do want it?” Wei Ying took a lock of Lan Zhan’s hair and twirled it in between them. “What will you do if I want my husband to make me his in all ways he can?” Traveling up the smooth lock of hair, Wei Ying grasped Lan Zhan’s ribbon. “Oh, and will I have a ribbon like that too after I marry you? I always liked it on you.”

Lan Zhan turned feral, ripping his ribbon off and tying it around Wei Yings wrists, tying him up before hooking Wei Yings bound-up arms around his neck. “You can have my ribbon right now. You are my husband; you are allowed to touch.”

Wei Ying suddenly paled. “Wait! That is what it means!? God, I am sorry for all the times I just touched it and even pulled it off without even thinking about it!”

“Have always loved you, have always loved the feeling and sight of you holding my ribbon, have always wanted you to take it after you knew the meaning.” Lan Zhan’s mouth didn’t stop forming words, making him talk so much that Wei Ying felt tears welling up – Lan Zhan was so obviously so in love with him, that it wrenched his heart.

“I know now. But I won’t take it off again.”

Lan Zhan froze. But then Wei Ying laughed happily, seeing his games being successful for once. “I’ll just straight up keep it. You are mine! Let the world see. You will get my headband in turn!”

“Then hurry up and get your headband.” Lan Zhan kissed Wei Ying again, relishing in the knowledge that whenever he felt like it in the future, he would be able to claim as many kisses as he craved for.

Wei Ying was finally his; Wei Ying had finally come back to Gusu. And this time Lan Zhan would make him stay – giving Wei Ying the life he wanted right her by his side.

Lan Zhan could feel Wei Ying looked arms around his neck pulling him down with even more force, making him feel like suddenly everything in this world had found it’s place.

He had certainly found his. He smiled a rare but honest. “Do you remember the song you played before? To calm the corpses?”

Taken off guard by the question, Wei Ying tried to figure out where this was going as he nodded.

“It is a song I composed for you. I hummed it for you in the Cave of the tortoise of slaughter.”

Wei Ying stopped moving all along, his mouth open, his eyes wide. “You composed that? For me?”

“Yes.” Lan Zhan gave Wei Ying an endearing look. “I not only loved you back then, I was also aware of my feelings.”

“Are you teasing me Lan Zhan!?” Seemingly not believing it, Wei Ying smiled that happy grin of his. “I can’t believe it! Ah wait- you never told me the songs name!”

Lan Zhan nuzzled Wei Ying as he said, “Combine our names.”

“Oh, so wait, the top comes first, right? And with us, you are definitely the top, I am very sure of that much. So it’s Wangxian?”

Lan Zhan couldn’t help but fall even more for the man in his arms. “Yes.”

“Did you compose any more songs dearest?”

Lan Zhan smiled again, completely besotted. “I will play them for you on our wedding night.”

“Then I will take you to Lotus pier for our honeymoon!”

Lan Zhan hummed in agreement, imagining them side by side, clad in red.

He hoped the wedding would be soon.

And that his uncle would not go into qi deviation over this matter.

____________________

Autors note:

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked the FanFiction!

By the way, all sorts of feedback are very welcome :)

And please feel free to tell me if you have another scenerio in mind that I should attempt to write :)

[engie-ivy]

Remus Lupin is very young when he joins the Order of the Phoenix to fight in the war. Young, but not naive. He knows that war isn't an exciting adventure with heroic battles, but pain, loss and grief. He has known this ever since his boyfriend was killed by Death Eaters when he was just seventeen years old. It only makes him more determined to fight.

And maybe the things we lose really do have a way of coming back to us in the end.

Wolfstar angst, but with a sappy, happy ending!

Moody doesn’t look up from his paper, and answers in the most casual manner. “Do you remember Sirius Black?”

Do you remember Sirius Black. Remus has only ever talked about it with James, as James understood. Not the black hole that Remus’ future had become, but at least the loss, grief and guilt. Apart from that, and some worried enquiries from professor McGonagall from time to time, his friends have been extremely careful not to even mention his name around Remus. Remus had always thought that was rather exaggerated and unnecessary, but now, hearing his name so suddenly, so casually mentioned, he thinks they may have had a point after all. He feels like he’s been punched in the gut.

Always meant to come back

The young man, almost a boy really, barely twenty years old, blinks his eyes open. He squints against the bright light in the room, and tries to sit up, but winches in pain and falls back on the bed.

“Don’t strain yourself,” Alastor warns. “We’ve had a Healer patch you up as good as possible, but your body has taken quite a hit, with all those hexes and curses thrown at you.”

“What...” the young man begins to ask.

“You’ll be fine,” Alastor ensures him. “You’re just going to have to take a lot of rest, at least until your wounds have healed. Especially the cuts on your back, probably from a Lashing Hex, may be dangerous if they’ll start bleeding again.”

The young man looks at him for a moment, pale, weary-eyed, with a deep cut on his cheek. “You’re not a Death Eater,” he states.

Alastor laughs shortly. “No, rather the opposite I’d say.”

The young man just looks at him questioningly.

“I’m an Auror,” Alastor clarifies. “Head of the Auror’s office at the Ministry.”

“That can’t be.” The young man shakes his head. “That would mean...”

“You’re safe,” Alastor says.

The young man lets his head fall back on the pillow and closes his eyes, releasing a shaky breath.

After a short silence, Alastor finally asks the question that’s been at the forefront of his mind ever since finding the young man. “You’re Sirius Black, aren’t you?”

The young man opens his eyes again. “Yeah,” he replies.

“Everyone thinks you’ve been dead for at least two years.”

Alastor remembers the story. It was one of the first tragedies of the war. The disowned heir of the house of Black, only seventeen years old at the time, not even graduated from Hogwarts yet, murdered by a group of Death Eaters. The Black family was already high on the list of persons of interest, due to them advocating for blood supremacy and openly supporting He Who Must Not Be Named’s regime. Their eldest son, however, who had already been known as the first Black to not be sorted in Slytherin house, had fallen out with his family and hadn’t been living with them for over a year at the time of the murder. Or, well, alleged murder.

“Two years?” Sirius mumbles. “I don’t know whether it seems like yesterday that I was still living my old life, or whether being at school actually feels like a lifetime ago. Maybe both.”

“What I gathered from the story at the time,” Alastor continues. “Was that a group of students from Slytherin house had purposely leaked information to you that your younger brother was to be sworn in as a Death Eater, and without properly thinking it through, you left to try and stop him and get him away from that evil alignment.”

“I did,” Sirius simply replies.

“That was an idiotic plan,” Alastor says. “Going on your own to a place you knew would be infested with Death Eaters, to save someone you didn’t even know wanted to be saved.”

Sirius huffs a laugh. “You sound just like Moony when he was telling me not to go.”

Alastor doesn’t know what a Moony is, so he just continues. “You never came back. They caught you, or maybe it had all been a trap to begin with, as the Slytherins who spilled the information later all became Death Eaters, and maybe some of them had even already joined at the time. Either way, the word spread that you had been killed by the Death Eaters.”

Hogwarts had been in shock, Alastor remembers. Not only did the death of a schoolmate make the war suddenly seem so much more real, Sirius Black had been bright, promising, loved. It had been a blow to almost the entire school to lose him.

“That’s what happened. Well,” Sirius gestures vaguely at himself. “Except for the being killed part, obviously.”

“Why didn’t they kill you?”

“My irresistible charm?” Sirius attempts with a weak smile. “No,” he then sighs with a pained look in his eyes. “It was my little brother. He said he’d only join their cause if they agreed to let me live. Most of the Death Eaters just wanted to kill us both then, not deeming him very important anyway, but my parents didn’t have a second spare heir ready, so they couldn’t afford to lose another son. They convinced them to imprison me instead of kill me.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “That’s the only time the power and influence of ‘The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black’ did me any good. Although I have often wished they had just killed me. Some of them ignored me, others liked to taunt me, and a few immensely enjoyed hurting me.”

Alastor feels a rare surge of empathy. It was a cruel fate indeed, to be locked up for so long under those conditions, and he had only been seventeen, barely more than a child.

“So how did I end up here?” Sirius asks.

“We placed a Tracing Charm on Goyle, and noticed he was regularly visiting a manor in the countryside, on paper owned by the Rosier family. This made us believe it to be an enemy headquarters, so we planned a raid. We disconnected the house from the Floo Network and placed an anti-apparition charm over the whole premises, before we invaded the place. Unfortunately, the ones present were in possession of illegal Portkeys, I still have to ask Mundungus Fletcher how they could’ve gotten those, and managed to get away. Upon searching the house, though, we found you locked in one of the rooms, severely injured and barely conscious.”

“Of the people I knew, is anyone... Do you know if anyone has been...?”

“I wouldn’t think so,” Alastor answers. “To my knowledge, no one from your year at Hogwarts has been killed. I don’t think that there’s anyone you may have known among the victims.”

Sirius lets out a relieved breath. “I didn’t think there was either, as the Death Eaters would have jumped at the opportunity to rub it in my face had they hurt someone I knew, but still.”

“Of course, I don’t know about your brother,” Alastor adds. “As he’s not on our side.”

A flash of pain shows on Sirius’ face for a brief moment, but he quickly composes himself. “I’m sure Regulus is okay,” he mumbles. “If he’d been gone, I would’ve been dead.”

“The Ministry is doing a shite job fighting this war!” Sirius throws down the Daily Prophet on his bed. “Half of the people in this photo is either a traitor or under the Imperius Curse!”

Alastor glances down at the paper. On the front page is an article about Barty Crouch, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and his plan to fight violence with violence and legalise the Unforgivable Curses. The article is accompanied by several photos: Barty Crouch and his family, some other high-placed Ministry officials such as Augustus Rockwood and Walden McNair, and the heads of the influential Mulciber and Malfoy families, who are often thought to influence, or bribe, the Ministry.

Sirius is getting better, and he’s already proven his worth by passing all the valuable information he managed to pick up during his imprisonment on to Alastor.

“And the measures that they’ve been taking are hardly going to be sufficient to win this war,” Sirius adds.

“Well,” Alastor replies calmly. “Considering how corrupt the Ministry is, it’s a good thing they’re not taking more measures.”

“How can you care so little? You’re part of the Ministry, and forced to fight a losing battle.”

“That would be concerning indeed, if it was really the Ministry fighting this battle.”

Sirius raises an eyebrow, prompting Alastor to continue.

“There’s another group that forms the real opposition to He Who Must Not Be Named. A secret order of witches and wizards personally recruited by Dumbledore himself, fighting the Death Eaters behind the scenes.”

“I want to join,” Sirius immediately says.

“What you’ve been true is enough to traumatize someone for a lifetime,” Alastor says. “Are you sure you want to engage yourself even further with this war?”

“Bollocks,” Sirius replies. “I still have great magical skills and abilities, I was the best dueller at Hogwarts and I know better than anyone how these Death Eaters think and operate. You need me. You want me. You don’t give a crap about my emotional state, or you wouldn’t even have mentioned it.”

Alastor supresses a smile. Sirius is right. Alastor is eager to get him on board, but he felt like he had to at least symbolically offer him a way out, never expecting Sirius to actually take it. Truth is, his only goal is to win this war, by whatever means possible, and he doesn’t have it in him to care about an individual’s mental health.

“Very well then. Come to think of it, you might even see some familiar faces.”

“Lily, you look so...”

“Remus Lupin, if your next sentence contains the word ‘big’ or ‘huge’, then in Merlin’s name, I will hex you.”

“Eh... radiant?”

A very pregnant Lily rolls her eyes as she sits on the couch across from Remus. “I’m a bloody whale, I’m completely bloated and I feel like I’m just peeing all day.”

“Isn’t she just glowing?” James appears at Remus’ side, staring at Lily like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, which she probably is.

Remus chuckles. “You’re a very lucky man, Prongs.”

James sits down next to his wife, and Peter sits down next to Remus, while they all wait for the Order meeting to begin. The Prewetts arrive shortly after, and Marlene and Dorcas rush over to Lily to ask her a thousand questions on how she’s feeling. James just stares with an adoring, fond look, while Lily describes in detail how all her bodily functions have changed now she’s so very pregnant.

“Ah, to be young and in love,” Peter says.

Remus tries not to show any change in expression, but he can’t help his smile slightly faltering.

Unfortunately, Peter notices. “I mean, of course you know... I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s fine,” Remus says curtly. “Don’t worry about it.” His time of being young and in love is over. Yet, he doesn’t resent James for his happiness, just because his was taken away from him. After all, he knows that for James as well, not a day goes by on which he doesn’t miss him.

Professor McGonagall walks over to Lily to ask her about her due date, and Lily happily informs her that the baby is expected to be born this summer.

“From this September on, you’ll have eleven more years to prepare for Gryffindor’s next trouble maker!” James says.

“James Potter,” Lily scolds. “We agreed to not pressure this child about which house he should sorted into. That already goes into effect before he’s born.”

“Honestly professor,” James whispers too loud to professor McGonagall. “I already love this kid so bloody much. I wouldn’t even mind if he’ll end up in Slytherin!”

McGonagall chuckles. “You know, James, you really don’t have to call me professor anymore.”

James looks absolutely horrified at the idea.

Remus is glad they still see professor McGonagall so often. He doesn’t think he would’ve been able to make it through his last year at Hogwarts without her.

He’s always happy to see her, even though each time it reminds him of that one conversation. At first, he had been angry at him that he had gone anyway, and angry at himself for not realizing that of course he’d go anyway. Then, there had only been the anxious waiting for him to come back, until McGonagall had called Remus, James and Peter into her office and with more distress than he had ever seen her in, told them that he was not going to come back.

James had immediately started crying. Heart-wrenching sobs that went through the bone for the loss of his closest companion, his best friend, his brother. Remus had felt... nothing. It was like he heard the words, understood what the words meant, but did not comprehend what the words implied.

He hadn’t just lost someone he could talk to, someone he could trust, someone he could hold on to. He had lost a small home somewhere on the countryside just outside of London, with large fireplace in the living room and a small shed outside for the motorcycle. He had lost a large garden with an aviary for the owls and enough space for the dogs to run around. He had lost taking time off from working as a teacher and a Healer to spend a few weeks by the coast each summer. He had lost summer evenings in the garden, inviting friends over for a barbecue, a small Quidditch field in the backyard, little children running around. He had lost a future he never thought he could actually have, but had set his heart on anyway.

It took a week. A week of feeling nothing. A week of seeing the worried stares and hearing the constant whispers from his schoolmates. A week before the pain and grief hit him at full force.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Marlene’s voice. “Remember, when Moody gets here, don’t mention the Rosier manor-raid.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Yes, McKinnon. I don’t have a death wish.”

Remus shakes his head. “I can’t even imagine how pissed he must be about it. All that planning, just for each and every Death Eater to get away.”

“He’s gonna be livid,” Marlene agrees. “This is not gonna be a happy meeting.”

“I was so disappointed when I heard it,” Lily sighs. “It felt like we finally had something on them, and now we have to start all over.”

Remus wonders what kind of missions they’re going to assign people to this time. Lily has scolded him before for always volunteering for the most dangerous ones, but to Remus it seems perfectly logical. If he goes, his friends don’t have to go, and he has the least to live for anyway. He said as much one time. James had cried and Lily had yelled at him, so he doesn’t say it anymore. At least not out loud.

It isn’t long before Moody enters the room, looking as battered and grizzled as ever, and commands the meeting to begin. Everyone immediately gathers around the table, as no one, except Dumbledore and McGonagall when it’s absolutely necessary, dares to oppose Alastor Moody.

“Right. We have much to discuss,” Moody says in his growling voice. “First point of order, I’ve gotten confirmation regarding our suspicions about Mulciber, and we should from now on assume that each person working in his vicinity is under the influence of the Imperius Curse and cannot be trusted. Moreover, I received intelligence that Augustus Rockwood, Walden McNair and Barty Crouch Jr. are traitors.”

Everyone sucks in a breath of surprise and disbelief.

“Mr. Crouch’s own son?” McGonagall asks. “An accusation like that can put us in a lot of trouble. Where did you get this kind of intelligence, Alastor?”

“I obtained it from the Rosier manor-raid,” Moody replies, and another wave of surprise goes around the table. No one had expected Moody to bring up the failed attempt himself.

Remus frowns. He has never underestimated the enemy and he knows the Death Eaters aren’t stupid enough to leave a list of names of everyone who’s secretly a traitor. And if they did, it can only be a trap, but Moody must know that better than anyone.

“How?” McGonagall asks, apparently on the same train of thought.

Moody doesn’t look up from his paper, and answers in the most casual manner. “Do you remember Sirius Black?”

Do you remember Sirius Black? Do you remember Sirius Black? Do you remember Sirius Black. Remus has only ever talked about it with James, as James understood. Not the black hole that Remus’ future had become, but at least the loss, grief and guilt. Apart from that, and some worried enquiries from professor McGonagall from time to time, his friends have been extremely careful not to even mention his name around Remus. Remus had always thought that was rather exaggerated and unnecessary, but now, hearing his name so suddenly, so casually mentioned, he thinks they may have had a point after all. He feels like he’s been punched in the gut.

James has gotten pale as a sheet and Lily has automatically grabbed his hand, while Peter is throwing worried glances in Remus’ direction. Professor McGonagall has her lips pressed tightly together, and is looking at Moody with a look that clearly says ‘you better have a very good reason for this’.

Moody, completely oblivious to the sudden tension in the room, just keeps talking. If his previous words had been shocking, it’s nothing compared to the effect his next words produce. “You must have heard of it, I believe some of you were at Hogwarts when the whole ordeal took place. As it turns out, he was actually held captive by the Death Eaters. We found him locked up in the Rosier manor in quite a state, but we managed to patch him up, and he was able to give us quite some valuable information.”

Remus hears the words, but can’t process their meaning. He just stares, waiting for Moody to say ‘just kidding’ or wake up from this dream. Nothing happens for a long moment, until Marlene breaks the silence. “But everyone gave the same account... They all said... How?”

Moody makes a dismissive gesture. “There was some family drama involved I believe. But he can tell you himself in due time. He has agreed to join the Order, actually.”

“You’re lying.” Moody finally looks up at hearing James’ angry tone. “I don’t believe you. You’re lying.”

“Calm down, Potter,” Moody replies. “We can talk about it after the meeting, if we must.”

Remus only realises he has stood up when he notices everyone looking at him. He gives Moody a steely look. “Let me see him.”

“Lupin, we’re in the middle of a meeting. We still have much to discuss.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your damned meeting!” Remus shouts. “Let. Me. See. Him.”

Moody regards him for a moment, and then nods.

Maybe Moody is tricking them as a test. Maybe Moody is delusional and there’s no one there. Maybe someone has tricked Moody and is leading them into a trap. Maybe Moody is under the influence of the Imperius Curse himself and is leading them into a trap. Remus goes over every option in is head as he, James and Lily use the Floo network to go Moody’s safe house. Every option except one. The one he doesn’t allow himself to even think of.

He realises that many option would put them in immediate danger, but he only cares for James and Lily’s sake. If this really is a cruel trick, it’d almost be a relief to be killed right after. Even without allowing himself to hope, he couldn’t handle the disappointment.

But they step into the room, and there he is.

In the living room, fast asleep on the couch, covered by a thin blanket. One hand dangling over the edge of the couch, the other on his stomach, his chest softly going up and down in time with his breathing.

He’s less muscular and a lot thinner than before. His face looks very pale in sharp contrast with his dark, now very long, hair, with a healing cut on his cheek and a receding bruise under his eye.

But it’s him, unmistakably him.

Odd enough, the first thought that occurs to Remus is that he has always wanted Sirius to grow his hair out and that he hopes he doesn’t cut it too soon. At this moment, he seems unable to form any other coherent thought.

Suddenly, he feels James’ hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him forward. “Go to him.”

Remus stumbles forward. He falls down on his knees next to the couch in front of Sirius’ face. He reaches out a trembling hand and touches Sirius’ cheek.

Sirius’ eyes, those eyes nothing can compare to, fly open. Startled, Sirius sits up with a bewildered look. He first sees James and Lily standing there, looking at him.

“Prongs? Evans?”

Then he turns his head towards Remus, and his eyes, filled with emotion, widen.

“Moony?” His voice slightly breaks.

“Hi,” Remus whispers.

Sirius reaches out and gently strokes his thumb over Remus’ cheek. Remus only now realises that there are tears streaming down his face. They stare at each other for a breathless moment. Then, at the same time, they move and wrap each other in an impossibly tight embrace, both whispering unnecessary apologies, as neither thinks there’s anything to forgive the other for.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a stubborn arse, I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t even say goodbye. I’m sorry I didn’t come back. I meant to come back. I always meant to come back.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t come and get you. I’m sorry I never came to bring you home. I gave up on you, and I’m so, so sorry.”

Eventually, James can’t hold back anymore and he flies forward to embrace is brother, and upon seeing him desperately crying, Sirius starts to cry as well.

When he’s more composed, James starts asking Sirius a hundred questions to check if it’s really him. Sirius effectively shuts him up by informing Lily that James stole one of her T-shirts in fifth year and slept with it in his bed for two years.

“I hate you so much, Padfoot! And I missed you more than you’ll ever know, and don’t you ever leave me again!”

This exchange is followed by Sirius going on for ten minutes: “Evans, you’re pregnant. You’re pregnant with a child. Prongs’ child. Evans, you’re pregnant with Prongs’ child. You’re having a baby. Prongs is having a baby. You and Prongs are having a baby. Together. You let Prongs get you pregnant.”

All the while, Remus is still sitting on the ground next to him, their hands firmly clasped together.

Eventually, they have to go back to the Order meeting, and of course want to inform the others. Peter will be ecstatic and professor McGonagall might cry. Lily kisses Sirius on his cheek and James hugs him again, after letting him promise five times that he’ll still be there tomorrow and he’s not going to disappear again.

“You know, Moony, if you want to go to the Order meeting, you’ll have to let go of my hand,” Sirius says with a small smile, without making any attempt of releasing his grip himself.

Remus smiles back. “No, I’m never letting you go again.”

[meetmeatthecoda]

⭐ for Elysium 🏛️🏺

Ahhh, my dear Robot!! 🤖😍 Thank you so much for this, I'm so honored you want to know more about any fic of mine, let alone my fave Elysium!! 🏛️🏺(Love those emojis btw!! 😍) I shall make a bullet point list under the cut for your convenience 💙🤍

I remember I focused a lot on the beginning section, setting the scene with lots of description when it came to Liz's dress & the room itself. Even though the fic was set in a scene from an actual ep (7.09) so we all knew what the room looked like, I just really wanted to establish the feel of the space, that was super important to the tone of the fic I was imagining - brown & warm & indulgent.

Omg, flirtatious Red is at an 11 in this lmfao I liked the detail of him watching Liz swallow her drink just cause lol plus his completely nonchalant attitude when it comes to the actual objective of the undercover op & the fact that he's just 100% dedicated to being on a date with Lizzie.

Omg, the dance was so. much. fun. to. write 😏😏😏 I very much had the whole Liz-thinking-Red-is-leaning-in-to-kiss-her-but-he-moves-in-to-smell-her-and-brush-his-nose-along-her-neck-instead moment in mind prior to writing, that was a veryyyyy specific image I had for this fic & I lovedddd including it LOL

Liz's dress inspired the Grecian theme of this fic, which was only meant to be a dance for @theythinkimabitch, but once I thought of a Greek theme, I realized it was perfect since we both love Greek mythology, so I gave Red the pleasure of starting the analogy by commenting on Liz's dress cause, you know... he would & then Liz picks up the parallels from there & 🎶 I went overboard 🎶

I loved the idea of Liz saying it was hard to breathe up on that pedestal where Red has a habit of putting her, both bc it was a good reminder for him that she's human - not a goddess - but also bc I thought it was very "Red" of him to panic & think she was actually having trouble breathing LOL

And Red has to twirl her in their dance & of course he absolutely has to hold her there & give her a once-over at the same time, I mean come on

Liz is Persephone ofc.

I have many books on Greek gods & goddesses & I referred to them to make sure I was getting all the mythology right, just to be sure LOL

I loved the parenthetical that Liz wasn't "abducted from a field of wildflowers, so much as escorted to a black site in a helicopter." I thought that was cool.

And the fact that she doesn't want Red putting her on a pedestal, but also doesn't want to be the weak maiden in need of saving seemed very "Liz" & of course Red would never dream of it, bc he knows just how capable & bad-ass (canon) she is & he loves her for it 👌

When I was originally planning out the mythology for this, I obviously went with Red as Hades - Persephone's husband, perf - but then I had the thought of him also being Cerberus... but only for Liz. I think I was in the shower (I do spend time out of the shower btw, I promise, I just get good fics ideas in there lmfao) & just went HEYOOOOOOOOOO cause I loved that so much 😂

I'm very much in love with the idea of Red & Liz communicating non-verbally in undercover situations, so the idea of the lights going out as they did in the actual ep was SUPER INTRIGUING & of course I had to add a little thigh grabbing, I mean come on 😏

I also adored the parenthetical of Liz realizing she's the only one that can calm or sway Red - as Persephone does Hades - BUT it's not the control she relishes (*cough* like canon!Liz might *cough*) & she instead considers it a privilege. The distinction was important to me.

Red throwing his signature hissy fit - as he did in the ep, but this time x10 - over the safety of the owl bc honestly, he's not a monster while Liz sits there all heart eyes mf was something I desperately wanted to include cause... couple goals, honestly.

Also, the owl itself was a happy coincidence, as something that was already in the ep, bc I realized I could easily tie it into the Greek theme since owls are the sacred animal of Athena & Red clearly has the mind of a strategist, & when I figured out how to work that in I just went yessssssssssss

The fact that Liz knows to get up when Red turns the lights back off & finds his hand in the dark made my shipper heart happyyyyyyy

I wanted to give Liz a little extra shout-out as a capable agent - cause she is, especially after Red stole the spotlight with his whole owl tirade - so I was happy to include that she studied the blueprints of the building & knew where they were when Red didn't & of course Red was all 😍😍😍

And Red being weirded out by the owl was in the end of the actual ep as well, long after they escaped their undercover op, but it was such a cute little moment (James was so fucking cute about it omg I can't even & Megan/Liz had her heart eyes going again & Dembe was sketching the owl, like??? amazing) anyway, it was so cute in the ep that I knew I wanted that to be the thing that made Liz throw herself in Red's arms & finally make out with him lololol

And I threw in the Aphrodite reference cause it fit & at that point, it was just like... "ok, how many gods & goddesses can I actually fit in this fic??? 🤷🤷🤷 Let's see!!" 🥳😂

Also Red reminding Liz of Cerberus with his lil whine as she's kissing him made me tingly & warm so I had to include it 😏

And thennnnnn Liz pulling Red out of the labryinth (Ariadne & Theseus in the maze anyone???) was beautifully symbolic to me.

And lastly, the ending lines: "They’re no Greek tragedy. They’re going to be a legend." came as a surprise but I loved it. I vacillated between "triumph" & "legend" for the last word. I almost went with "triumph" just for the alliteration, but eventually stayed with "legend" cause it went better with the Greek theme.

Anddddd that's it!! 😁 Thank you so much for asking about my fave fic, Robot, I really hope you enjoyed this little BTS look!! 🥰 Much love to you always, my dear friend!! ❤️

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

[zukkaoru]

shhh i’m not on my phone at work got a second wHAT

35:) ramble to me, babe

35. ramble about any fic-related thing you want

corey this is so vague i don't even know where to begin skjgdfhdj uhhhhh what do i want to ramble about,,

WAIT OKAY I GOT IT

okay so back in like. february i think i did another ask game like this and someone (jo?? maybe???) sent an ask about meta/foreshadowing/hidden references for this ultraviolet morning light and at the time, only the first two(?) chapters were out so i couldn't talk about the foreshadowing, bc it was all leading up to the end of chapter six. but i can talk about it now bc the whole fic is up!!

i'll put it under the cut bc i know it'll be long + spoilers for those who haven't yet read tuvml

fic writer ask game

okay so first. all of the foreshadowing for the drowning scene. maybe i did already have a list of these in my google docs in case anyone every asked, maybe not, i won't say

anyway. i added in water/drowning imagery with zuko specifically in this fic, because of the drowning scene, and especially bc in the atla world, water imagery would generally be used with characters from the water tribes rather than someone from the fire nation. so it wasn't just me liking water-related words and shoving them onto zuko for no reason; it was intentional

chapter one:

- He really can’t think of anything more beautiful than Zuko drenched in moonlight - This is what fire feels like when doused with water. - It burns like fire consuming Sokka’s entire body, like he’s been dunked underwater and the surface has frozen over and his lungs are about to give out, but he’s going to keep hitting the ice anyways like he’s strong enough to break it.

chapter two:

- It washes over his body all at once, like a wave pulling him under the surface of the ocean, until his limbs are numb and tingly and his head sways. He’s completely frozen in place, eyes staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything. - He would’ve rather stood across from Azula in the Agni Kai arena and let her shoot him full of lightning, rather been dropped in the middle of the ocean

chapter three:

- Zuko searches the tumultuous ocean that is his mind for the right words - Zuko was telling them about Azula never quite getting the knack for swimming despite their annual vacations to Ember Island when they were little, and Sokka was so happy.

chapter four:

So he lets the words sink, lets them drown in the knowledge that he no longer has the right to talk to Sokka in the same way he used to.

chapter five:

The moonlight pours over him, drowning him in a soft white glow.

chapter six:

But…my doctors have told me that spending the rest of your life letting yourself drown in guilt isn’t going to help anyone.

also, people picked up on vai being a double agent, but no one picked up on the fact that she was a waterbender, even though i did hint at that too:

- Her brown skin is almost as dark as Sokka’s and her face and arms are covered in freckles. - It reminds Sokka of himself a little; the bright blue eyes of a waterbender but no bending ability to speak of. - How can you get better than a play with dragons, a star-crossed love affair, sun and moon symbolism, and a villain who has a secret past that ties them to the protagonist?

beyond that, there are also a lot of parallels/call backs to previous chapters/foreshadowing to future scenes just in general. the funniest one (and also completely unintentional one) is probably sokka and katara calling each other their least favorite [sibling]

“You’re my least favorite sister,” // You are, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, my least favorite brother ever. chapter 1 // epilogue

but there are. several more. and i'm not sure how many of them people picked up on so i will add them all bc i love them <3

Zuko would get himself arrested, kidnapped, killed, whatever if it would keep Sokka safe. // “I would give my life for [Zuko] without a second thought.” … “But would he do the same for you?” chapter 4 // chapter 6

When Sokka’s hand began to retreat, Zuko had reached forward, grabbed it, and whispered, “Please stay.” // “Don’t leave me.” Sokka says it like a prayer … like he would repeat it until he couldn’t remember anything else if it meant Zuko would keep holding him. “Just… stay.” chapter 5 // chapter 7

So they sit - Sokka and Zuko - on the roof of some abandoned building in the outskirts of the city. // “But now I’m pretty sure we’re just destined to be Sokka and Zuko” chapter 5 // chapter 7

“I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this. … when he proves that he isn’t as reliable as you think - when he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down - I’m going to say I told you so.” // “Zuko is kind, and he is trustworthy and reliable. He’d never purposefully let me down” chapter 3 // chapter 6

this ^ was one i was hoping people would pick up on bc it makes the drowning scene/sokka pleading for vai to not hurt zuko that much angstier, but i'm not sure anyone did so now i'm putting those lines right next to each other so you're all forced to confront the pain <3

Is he still in love with Zuko? Is being in love enough? // But what good is any of that? Love isn’t always enough. // “It doesn’t matter who or where feels like home, it doesn’t matter if we’re in love. When you’re next in line for the throne, love isn’t enough.” chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 6

Zuko warms his other hand on instinct, and apparently it was a good call because Sokka squeezes it tighter and presses closer to Zuko. “I forgot my mittens at home,” // I love you doesn’t always take the shape of those three words. … Sometimes, it’s Have you eaten today? or Don’t forget your mittens again! chapter 1 // chapter 6

this ^ is also one i thought people might pick up on but idk if anyone did or not. but it made me🥺🥺 when i wrote it

[religion tw for the last part]

okay i could leave it there but corey gave me an excuse to ramble and i've made the post this long anyways so one more thing! i explained this to corey a while ago when we were having dinner together but i find it very funny so i'm sharing it with all of you i say like anyone has actually read this far

i accidentally made zuko a Christ Figure in tuvml

"but grace, surely that's not possible," you say. "surely there's no way zuko is a christ figure! there aren't any christian themes in tuvml. you didn't even have anyone try to convince vai to forgive zuko or have anyone convince zuko and sokka that they should forgive vai! how could you have a christ figure in your fic???"

let me set the scene. it's 2019, you're a senior in high school, and you decided to take ap literature for the possibility of college credit. your teacher has this book called how to read literature like a professor that he has his classes read chapters from, and one of those chapters talks about Christ Figures in literature. one of those chapters also talks about baptism symbolism, and mentions how oftentimes, characters who are christ figures will go through a baptism of some sort - being "born again" after a scene where they come out of the water

do you want to know what zuko does in this ultraviolet morning light?

he goes into the water. and then he comes back out.

and do you want to know what i had sokka say about zuko shortly before he took a dive into the baptistry water?

Zuko looks away from him, resigned, like he’s ready to die as atonement.

see. i grew up Christian, i went to church every sunday and i have spent the majority of my life memorizing Bible verses either for awana or bible quizzing and. sometimes i just drop biblical words into my writing sometimes bc they're words i've heard since i was a kid, and they're words i learned make you sound smarter at church. so of course i throw them around while writing. i use them in essays, i use them in poetry, and i use them in fan fiction.

so was i trying to make zuko a christ figure in my fic? absolutely not.

but i had sokka say he looked ready to die as atonement (for the sins of his people), and then i had him go into the water, nearly die, and have to be "brought back to life" by suki's cpr, being "born again" after a "baptism" and

well

accidental christ figure zuko i guess

anyway. this went on for a while and i'm not sure anyone bothered reading all of it which. valid.

thank you corey for letting me ramble skjdgfdjgh i'm not sure this is coherent, nor should it have all been in one post, but whatever

[chidoroki]

In Defense of TPN S2

Okay, so before y’all start throwing your salt shakers at me, let me explain. Yes, I’m just as upset and annoyed with how the second season decided to cut out so much content that us manga readers were finally hoping to see: no Yuugo, Goldy Pond arc or GP Resistance, Lucas or Glory Bell escapees, Adam, poachers, or Cuvitidala Search. Since this season also (sort of) reached the 2047 time skip, we were also denied of the Paradise Hideout, Jin, Hayato, Ayshe, the Seven Walls & Imperial Capital Battle arcs and Alex due to the anime’s so-called “original story” idea. While some manga events still took place (B06-32 getting blown up, the trio’s reunion, Norman’s time at Lambda, the cursed blood and the Grace Field raid), they were all significantly changed and barely held the same emotional impact, as we see very little to no build up to these moments. Several volumes were skipped completely and despite others being touched lightly, we unfortunately missed out on major character development for everyone, most notably for Emma, but also the lighter side of things such as chef Ray, medic Anna, Rossi learning morse code, Minerva!Norman, etc. There’s honestly so much of the main story to talk about and I totally understand why we’re all so ticked off, especially since that darn slideshow did absolutely nothing to calm our hearts at the end of ep11.

However.. I’m not gonna stand by and say this season was worthless. Highly disappointing given everything I just mentioned of course, I get it, so don’t curse me out just yet. People can trash talk it all they want and I’ll sympathize 110%, but I personally won’t do so. I love this series too much and that’s a huge reason as to why I didn’t drop this season. Usually whenever I start a new series, it’s because I become interested in a character or two. I find that no matter what happens in that series, whether the story intrigues me or not, I’ll continue it if only to see more of that character. If the story is good, it’s just another plus for me to stay addicted, so while this season totally missed their chance to adapt the wonderful source material of my favorite series, I stayed to watch Emma, Ray and all the other children I’ve grown to love over the past two years. Another reason why I stayed on this train wreck was because of how thought provoking it became as turned into yet another guessing game for me. After first watching the OP and even more after ep3 aired, I kept wondering what would they include or leave out. How would they handle this scene if this and that were already changed? How would they fix this problem if so and so isn’t here? It felt like I was watching season one blind all over again; seeing all these little clues sprinkled everywhere and yet not having any idea on how the story was going to continue or end got me excited. That’s why I came to love this story in the first place, so having the chance to feel that again alongside characters I love so dearly.. it was fun for me (until the slideshow punched me in the face). While many people will look at this season and declare the manga and first season are both superior (which they are, I agree), I’m still sitting over here like “oh look, more content!”

With all that nonsense out of the way, I thought I would go ahead and ramble about everything I believe the second season did well enough, because if I can take any heat off this adaptation then you’re damn right I’m gonna try. So if you’re wondering why on earth a manga reader even mildly enjoyed this season, it’s honestly just the little things such as a decently adapted or improved panel/scene, any new, interesting elements the anime may have included, or other personal favorite moments of mine.. which there were a lot of.

So no negativity past here kiddos, we’re gonna be as optimistic and lively as an orange antenna.

(mild manga spoiler warning, I guess? but I’m sure it’s nothing y’all haven’t heard us readers mention/complain about already)

- If you’ve read any of my reactions to this season, you would know how much love I have for “Identity.” Not only is the song still an absolute banger, but the opening sequence itself is fantastic. From the contrast between human vs demon, the cameos, the symbolism, the match cuts, the build up to the chorus.. just everything. I could talk about it endlessly and watch it several times over and still be impressed.

- Lani’s stupid fall.

- How clearly it shows Emma’s condition becoming progressively worse.

- Her scream.

- Ray’s apology, especially how soft his voice was when saying “sorry, Emma,” and the smile he gives after she tells him not to worry about it.

- And his entire promise to keep everyone in their family safe. Oh I was so happy to finally hear him say that.

- This exchange between Don and Gilda.

- Rossi and those darn faces he gives us. This boy is such a mood.

- How involved the younger kids were so they don’t feel like they were just.. there, which served as a reminder that everyone from Grace Field is smart, not just Emma and Ray.

- How pretty the demon forest looked at night when all those odd creatures started glowing (even those darn goowee).

- So happy with how this panel was adapted. That smirk of his is everything.

- The fact they remembered a small detail such as the bell.

- Knowing now that they cut so much out of the manga, I’m glad we at least got the hug.

- The ending sequence gave us a small look at Sonja and Mujika’s travels by themselves. “Magic” is also so very calming to listen to.

- How the children hug both Emma and Ray, as manga only had our girl receiving the hugs.

- Sonju & Mujika’s voice actors fit them perfectly.

- How impressed Ray was when he first tried their cooking. No wonder he was so eager to learn how to cook.

- Sonju’s story about the demon world from ch46-47 practically adapted word for word.

- While the manga also shows us how frighted the duo is upon learning they’re living in the worst case scenario, it’s seeing them and their hands physically shake that help push this scene a little bit more (not that you can tell this by a still frame but trust me).

- Their synchronized smirks and how well their excitement was not only animated but how genuine and real it sounds too. Emma’s laugh and the fact they made Ray of all people sound hopeful is fantastic.

- They kept the small Ray from this panel and made him better.

- I just love seeing him be optimistic.

- The entire scene when Emma & Ray are both scolded by the younger kids for acting so recklessly is perfect.

- They kept this tiny comment of Nat’s.

- Finally getting chef Ray and hearing how confident he is with his cooking skills already.

- Seeing other children like Dominic pick up archery and be surprisingly good at it.

- Anime pushed Emma’s quick learning ability further with archery by showing us how easily she could land a bullseye even after hitting something midair.

- How well they animated Emma’s first kill, from following the arrow as she pulls it back to when she releases it as it flies towards the bird’s eye.

- The fact that this scene and the next both used a water droplet to symbolize death just like we saw during season one with Conny and Norman’s shipments are so satisfying.

- The gupna scene and how well it emphasized Emma’s reaction to taking a life and how upset/bothered she was in doing so. The addition of a butterfly helps as well, as it’s another way this series tends to convey the idea of death. (you remember how many the OP had, right? tons.)

- I only just noticed that Ray is seen looking at a similar butterfly in the following scene as well.

- The anime doing this panel justice. Ep2 is probably the episode that follows the manga the closest and did real well in regards to that.

- Ray beating Sonju at chess.

- Chris knowing exactly which way to go without using the compass, which makes sense as he was seen mapping out the surrounding area in the previous episode.

- The kid’s adorable little freak out.-

- Giving us a better idea on how large the reference room of the B06-32 shelter truly is.

- Finally being able to hear our boy Nat play the piano. The fact that his first song is named “Nat King Cool” as a possible reference to Nat King Cole is also great.

- Rossi being an accurate representation of the manga readers while watching this episode.

- Chris being his cute self.

- Seeing Ray’s sleeping face after the manga denied us so many times by hiding it.

- It’s.. close enough. We love our chef.

- I love the idea that Nat plays a couple songs before everyone goes to sleep. That’s so precious.

- SHE!! With her hair down!

- Rossi teasing Don and the fact that just mentioning Gilda is enough to scare him.

- It remembered that Gilda has a tendency to count all the children.

- The level of confidence Isabella has in her kids.

- Ray being oh so close to shooting a human with an arrow.

- This hug.

- Chris leading the group through the underground tunnels, which he also does in manga but we learn earlier in this ep it’s due to all the time he’s played down here.

- Because of his extensive knowledge of the shelter’s layout, Chris also guides everyone to one of the secret entrances to escape after he realizes the intruders are only stationed at the main two.

- Ray’s first demon kill is smooth as hell.

- Curse this scene for being so dark because that damn smile Isabella gives us is amazing.

- Since Andrew was cut, Chris and Dominic survive the aftermath of the shelter’s destruction without any injuries.

- Although we weren’t expecting to see their older 2047 selves this soon, they look good okay?

- The emotion in her voice throughout this entire scene (probably the closest we were ever gonna get to Emma doubting herself in ch109/114 too).

- Please just let me enjoy this moment when Ray noticed her negative thoughts and stepped in to help just as I expected.

- Vylk and that goofy smile of his.

- Watching the duo communicate without words during the chase through the demon town.

- Our girl clearing this jump effortlessly.

- Norman’s squishy cheeks.

- Ray’s slap could’ve been better, I know, but at this point I’m happy they still included it.

- The fact we can see Ray’s face during the reunion hug this time.

- And this hug.

- Remembering the small panel of Ray noticing Emma’s bluff.

- Finally hearing this conversation because both voice actors do a wonderful job with it and thankfully the dialogue is on par with the manga as well. Also that one moment when the shadow falls across Emma’s face like that.

- Gilda comforting Alicia after her nightmare.

- The scene is very dear to me so of course I appreciate every little panel we can get.

- How carefree Ray sounded with his “Nopes.”

- How I only realized just now that this panel was also adapted.

- Okay so who’s brilliant idea was it to have the sun rise towards the end of this conversation as Ray helps Emma regain her confidence? I just wanna personally thank them because it was a genius move and I’ll treasure it forever.

- They kept Barbara’s slip-up.

- Like our demon friends, I think the Lambda crew’s voices fit them rather well, although Zazie’s was totally unexpected, like dude you’re 5, why is your voice so low?

- Another “it could’ve been better but at least they included it” moment.

- Vincent’s smile here cracks me up and I don’t know why.

- Barbara’s anger.

- The short snippet we get of the ch126 conversation when the duo was visiting Chris.

- The table from Barbara’s outrage was never magically fixed like it was in manga, so we get this nice shot of Norman reflected in the broken surface.

- The trio’s conversation about the royals and cursed blood follows manga relatively well.

- Anime did this panel better, I’m sorry. Thank you for showing my girl getting angry.

- This frame of Ray.

- This comment of Norman’s that made me wanna slap him.

- How Norman’s face is constantly in the shadows during this scene, which is something his office at the Paradise hideout probably wouldn’t have given us, so hurray for this location instead.

- How he and Emma bicker over how many days their deal should last.

- When the camera shifts in and out of focus during Barbara’s seizure.

- How this scene hid Norman’s face until they revealed the demon the crew killed.

- It really is the small details that make me happy.

- This smile of Don’s.

- I’ll take all the hugs I can get.

- Emma and Gilda’s little headbutt.

- Why does my boy look so grown up and handsome here? Hello??

- I suppose I have to give credit for Peter’s voice actor too hm?

- Actually making Smee a bit more relevant.

- Since the fight against Legravalima was cut, this shot of Zazie is the closest we’re gonna get to seeing him without his paper bag, but it does improve on that one panel of him at the start of ch153.

- Seeing more of Norman’s time at Lambda as well as the aftermath of the explosion.

- While this scene pales in comparison to its manga counterpart, having the sun set behind him while Norman delivers his famous line was still a decent touch. It’s a nice contrast to the sunrise in ep6 and I enjoy it very much.

- Wild demons managing to somehow successful jump scare me not once, not twice, but three times in a single episode.

- Emma getting back up to protect her family despite her injury. (i mean, it’s no ch93 comeback but oh well)

- Ray getting in another decent shot at a demon.

- This face of his.

- Seeing just how quickly the drug causes the demons to degenerate and all the chaos it causes.

- Actually showing Norman attacking a demon rather than just saying he killed Yverk off panel in ch153.

- Hate me all you want but the anime did this panel better too.

- The ch153 discussion is more or less the same but the fact they added in Norman looking to Ray for help and just having him snap back instead was priceless.

- Sonju’s grin.

- The scene when Norman stops Zazie’s attack may only last like five seconds but it’s wonderfully animated and I find myself replaying it countless times.

- How to make the manga readers and anime-onlys panic with just one sentence:

- Isabella being clever as ever by leaking false info into the radio the escapees have to lure them back to Grace Field.

- I just think Emma looks so mature and pretty here?

- Had Norman actually apologize to the demons.. or was just about to anyways.

- Demon Emma is precious and must be protected.

- The adorable mixup between both Emmas.

- I haven’t a clue on where or how the kids managed to gather all the supplies to create several hot air balloons and explosives.. but they did, somehow, and I’m impressed because I’m assuming that all happened within a day.

- Ma’am, could you be any more smug?

- Simon! And he ends up surviving!

- Having Sonju fight alongside the Lambda crew.

- Which reminds me that this is possible since the Imperial Capital battle didn’t happen (yet, in this timeline), so the three of them never received their injuries from Legravalima either.

- The smoke bombs, only because I remembered how Sonju used them back in ep1 while rescuing Ray so it’s nice to see them being used again.

- Showing Norman actually use a bow and arrow this time. He also hits his target on the first try through a smokescreen.

- Ray having enough strength to knock out two demons with a simple metal pipe. In ch169 he’s seen holding down a grown man so yeah, I can believe this as well.

- Having Jemima, Yvette, Rossi & Mark disguises themselves as shipments in order to rally up the other Grace Field kids. Mark’s face and the noise he makes upon seeing Naila again is also precious.

- Peter actually falling for Vincent’s trap.

- Getting one young child to listen to you is hard enough, but Emma manages to get about 183 of them (yes I counted, give or take the four who also disguised themselves) to follow her orders in no time flat.

- Phil helping with the plan to lead all the children to the elevator.

- It made me nervous upon seeing it but they made the Day & Night ceiling real pretty.

- I knew the reunion was coming and still cried.

- Take all my hell yeahs.

- I could listen to her say this on repeat and be overjoyed every single time.

- She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll point at gun in your face.

- Getting to witness someone shoot at Peter since no one did so in the manga? Wonderful. Having that person be Isabella who literally lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc? Perfection.

- Mujika and Vylk bringing in hundreds of civilian demons as reinforcements.

- James!

- Those real quick shots of the ancestors because I had given up on thinking we would’ve seen them at all since the Seven Walls arc was skipped.

- I’m actually surprised they kept his death in and it’s as harsh as the manga.

- Ray confronting Isabella with the addition of this line.

- This panel being animated along with Emma’s thoughts from ch177 towards Isabella even though that chapter’s major event didn’t happen.

- I certainly can not forget about this hug.

- At least anime!Emma told the boys her plan before reaching the door, or didn’t keep it a total secret? If not then I’ll praise the boys for accepting her crazy idea regardless.

- Boy, do you know how much I love you and your smirks?

- SHE. STAYS. ALIVE!!!

- Vincent and Norman’s little fist bump.

- Different but close enough. Still cute though.

- The amount of emotions this one shot makes me feel is limitless. Catch me crying tears of joy over it for the rest of my life.

- Having Phil not only getting the chance to see a train but to ride one as well.

- This pretty shot of Gilda.

- As well as this beautiful one with Emma and Mujika.

- They gave us older Phil. Not sure how much older but he’s still adorable.

- Lastly, the goddamn soundtrack! Of course we heard a bunch of the songs from season one, but the new ones such as “The Evil-Blooded Girl” and the Arabic version of “Isabella’s Lullaby” are absolutely fantastic. I still have to listen to full soundtrack but from what little bit I heard of such songs such as “Nat King Ballade,” “Crisis,” “Norman’s Lament,” and “The Temple Ruins,” I’m sure every track is an absolute joy. I’m so happy we had Obata back for this season.

And that’s the end of it, I guess? Of course it’s not a perfect list, as the majority of it was just personal favorites of mine but oh well. (this is just as long as ray’s birthday post too, oh lord)

I’m not gonna be one of those manga readers who continuously nag people to go read the original source material, because that’s annoying and I understand that some people just might not be up for it. They might watch a series, take it all in and then move on to the next one. Others might want to find out about every little detail and invest more time into the story. It’s totally fine to enjoy a series your own way and you shouldn’t feel pressured to continue something you’re only mildly interested in or feel bad that you love something others might despise. Just do whatever makes you happy. If you wanna check out the manga and see why us readers love it to pieces, then I promise it’s worth it, especially if you enjoyed the anime or wish to see more of any character.. or the entire story. If the manga ain’t for you, then I hope the anime did something for you. It definitely could have been better though, I can’t argue with that.

Whether you’re anime-only or manga reader, can we all still hope for a remake? This season had more flaws than any amount of praise I could give, but if years down the line we get the FMA: Brotherhood or Hellsing: Ultimate treatment where the next anime adaptation follows the manga perfectly, you know I’ll be all for it. I’m too deep in this TPN hole and I’ll probably never leave.

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!

[oreoambitions]

Part 5.5: Bonus Scene

“So are we going to talk about it?”

Lena, on her knees in a meadow she’s reasonably certain hasn’t seen human footsteps since some time last year, looks up. She can just make out Sam’s smirk in the predawn light.

“Are we going to talk about what?” Lena asks. There’s no doubt she’s going to regret asking this question, but then, it’s Sam, who will see to it that she regrets it either way.

Sam crouches down next to Lena. “Those look nice,” she says, nodding towards the sprig of tiny white flowers that have caught Lena’s eye. Theoretically they should be looking for red flowers, but Lena has decided to compromise with Earth traditions in this case and go for white out of sheer practicality.

“Talk about what, Sam,” Lena repeats, holding out her hand for the clippers.

“Kara doesn’t want to marry for duty.”

“Yes, I think she made that clear.”

“But she still agreed to marry you in about four seconds flat.”

Lena huffs. It’s too early and too cold for this conversation. “I get dragged to court, they ask for her identity, I panic and plead the 5th-”

“Yes and she agrees to marry you for your protection because you lied for hers, which sounds an awful lot like duty to me.”

There’s the jagged edge of guilt again, twisting in Lena’s gut. “I know,” she murmurs. “And it’s my fault. But it’s just for a little while. We put on a big show, we hold hands in public, we pick a fight in the tabloids, we get a divorce, and we’re both free.” Lena punctuates her sentence with a snap of the clippers and gets to her feet.

“But Kara won’t see it that way, and neither will Argo, and you know that or else you wouldn’t have asked me to teach you a religious ceremony from another planet overnight.”

Lena makes a face. “Legally if Kara says the vows in English I think you or Clark can move to have the marriage invalidated on Argo. Or have I misunderstood?” She turns away to look for another cluster of flowers, not a small task when the sun hasn’t yet crested the horizon, let alone the tree line.

“Lena. Would you look at me? Kara was never going to say the vows in English.”

“I know! I know. So you taught me to say the words back. Thank you for that. What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to be happy! I want you to admit that you’re in love with her, and I-”

“Yes.” Lena does look at Sam then. “Yes, okay? I’m in love with her. I was in love with her the very first day sh- fuck.” Her voice cracks and she has to stand a moment breathing in the cold to shove the tears back down where they belong. “This isn’t about love for Kara, okay? Not that kind of love. Not duty either. This is about friendship. But it doesn’t matter what it’s about, because I’m not going to stand by and let her make a sacred vow to protect me and then say ‘okay well thanks bye’ and walk away from her like it means nothing. It means something to me too. And I need her to know that, even if I can’t ever tell her that I- If I can’t tell her how I feel.”

Sam stares at Lena for a long moment and then she sighs. “You’re an idiot,” she grumbles, “Lord- Sorry, Rao help us all.”

“You know, that doesn’t fill me with confidence about your religious guidance.”

“Shut up and pass me the clippers.”

They work in silence for a few minutes, picking out the most perfect sprigs, slowly but surely gathering the bouquet Lena will offer to Kara if she chooses to proceed with the wedding. And she will, if Sam and Clark are to be believed. Lena isn’t sure whether she hopes things turn out that way or not. What a mess. What a mess and Lena is the one who got them into it.

“Stupid,” Lena mutters.

“Hmm?”

Lena gestures at the flowers. “This tradition. Kara gives me her protection and I give her... a symbol of new life?”

“I believe you are implicitly promising to bear her many children.”

Lena gags. “I think trading children for physical protection went out of vogue some time in the 20th century. Catch up, Krpyton.”

The first of the sun’s rays are just creeping through the trees when Sam grins slyly at Lena over the flowers they’re examining. “Aw, that’s a shame. Are you telling me you don’t want Kara to be your baby daddy? Because I think you two would have very cute friendship babies.”

One of the perks to having a Kryptonian best friend is that Lena doesn’t have to look for something soft to throw. She chucks a rock harmlessly at Sam’s face, and the two of them laugh for a long moment in the dawn.

“Friendship babies,” Lena says, chuckling into the sleeve of her sweater. But there is something there. The thought of Kara’s arms around her, nose buried in Lena’s hair, and in Lena’s arms a sleeping child...

Lena puts the thought aside. “C’mon,” she says to Sam, brushing the last of the mirth from her eyes. “You said we had to get all of these gathered before the sun comes up, and I don’t like to be late.”

Parts 1-3 // Part 4 // The Actual Part 5 // Ao3

[kaypeace21]

i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.

and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-

(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)

anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️

SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.

Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.

I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it  “ruins the best gay character” ,  and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-

Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.

I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have  the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.

Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s  and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us  . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this.  Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.

Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims.  if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending-  it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.

And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing  r*pe imagery away  as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging  them and  getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) ,  trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!

Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths,  a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference  movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people  from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown”  “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.

I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.

Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog

[chooseyouovereveryone]

Brittana Analysis Part 1: Musical Choices (Main Songs)

So anyone who knows me will know I love Brittana a crazy amount, and I spend way too much time breaking down every tiny detail about them. I’ve written a fair few analyses about them on Reddit which people seem to enjoy, and the lovely @hopefulobjectmiracle suggested I posted them on here for people to read. I’ll no doubt add more as time goes on, but going to post up what I have for now. If anyone has any requests for analysis, my ask box is always open because I love doing these :) Happy reading! & congrats for making it through my essays.

Part 1 covers a music analysis of all their main songs and the meaning behind them. Part 2 will cover their smaller parts in group songs etc.

Me Against The Music

This one is less a lyrical analysis, because I don't think the song explicitly relates so much, more a contextual one. The Me Against The Music scene is a shared fantasy that Brittany and Santana have while under anaesthesia. What's telling is that the fantasy they have is an exact replica of the original music video between Madonna and Britney Spears, which is well known for it's heavy undertones of a same-sex relationship. The plot shows Britney chasing Madonna, with Madonna becoming increasingly more susceptible as the video goes on, until right at the end when Britney catches her and goes to kiss Madonna, who then disappears. It's a cat and mouse chase, a fight for power. With Brittany playing Britney, and Santana Madonna, this fantasy represents to me the way that Brittany is chasing Santana trying to break down her walls, and she gets close but just as she does so, Santana pulls back. In the original video Madonna disappears into thin air when Britney tries to kiss her, in the Glee version Santana is switched out for Britney, but the symbolism is the same and foreshadows the Brittana arc that we get in S2. Brittany always gets close to having Santana, but then Santana pulls away and at times she loses her. So for me, the significance in this is 1) the fact they both have a same-sex fantasy about each other and 2) how Brittany's subconscious is filled with the idea of feeling like she is chasing Santana but that every time she gets close, Santana is ripped away.

Landslide

This was a song chosen by Santana to tell Brittany how she feels about her. It may not be the most "obvious love song" choice to everyone but that works for two reasons. The first being that Santana was scared. This was a big move for her, so she certainly wasn't going to go all out and sing an obvious love song. She wanted something with subtlety, something with meaning for her and Brittany rather than for the whole Glee Club to pick up on. The second being that Santana "has the perfect song" instantaneously. From the way she doesn't need to think about it, it's clear that Landslide is already a song she associates with Brittany, and it's probably something she laid alone in her room listening to. Now she's ready to share that. It was a song that had meaning for them, but I do think lyrically it makes sense also. For me it's about Santana realising life is passing her by and that she needs to just be herself. Time makes you bolder is one of the most poignant statements in the song. The whole bit about "building my life around you" could be a double meaning. The first being she's built her life around this friendship she has with Brittany and she's afraid to tap into the relationship dynamic because doing so would inevitably alter the platonic side of things. The second being that she's built her life around this idea that she's straight and she's "normal" but she's now realising as time goes by she needs to be true to herself. I tend to think it's the latter, and that the meaning is around Santana realising she needs to let go now and just be true to herself and to Brittany before she wastes any more time. It's ironic that the next scene shows Brittany choosing Artie, which shows that Santana was already too late and the time had already passed her by. (thankfully that all worked out tho)

Songbird

In contrast to Landslide, Songbird is a very obvious love song. The song explicitly says "I love you" and you can tell by Santana's delivery how much she genuinely means that. Since this is a private performance for only Brittany, Santana is able to choose a song that overtly expresses her feelings. She doesn't have to mask it with subtlety because of the Glee Club, like she did with Landslide. While Landslide was about Santana to giving into her feelings and accepting a change within her, Songbird was the next step from that in freely expressing her love to Brittany. Santana says this in her own words before singing it. Some key lyrics beside the obvious "I love you's" that stick out are "for you, there'll be no more crying" which could relate to all the backwards and forwards Santana has done over the years (telling Britt she loves her, taking it back etc.) and times she possibly made Brittany cry, as well as the fact she has probably spent many years crying over this herself and wishing these feelings could go away, but now she's putting a stop to all of that. Following on from that "I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know it's right" relates to Santana giving into all of those feelings that she's spent years pushing down about the love she has for Brittany being wrong, and really taking hold of her own self acceptance. "To you, I'll give the world. To you, I'll never be cold" is also very fitting for Brittana because it's well noted in the fandom how soft Santana is for Brittany, and how she's the one person she's not cold around. Lastly "I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all I wish it from myself" could relate to Artie in that she wants Brittany to be happy but mostly, she wants to be the one that gets to love her. I think we can all agree the lyrics, the meaning, the performance itself, the delivery from Naya were all *chefs kiss* in this song.

Cherish/Cherish

The song that Santana pays the God Squad to sing for Brittany. We don't actually see Santana choosing the song, but I think it's more likely that Santana picked it since she was paying for it, rather than the God Squad randomly picking one. If it was that kind of scenario where they picked for her, I feel Quinn would have picked the song, on the basis that it was meaningful for Brittany and Santana's relationship. I also imagine this is a song that Santana listened to back in the dark days when she was too afraid to be with Brittany in the way she desired. The lyrics talk a lot about wishing in the past tense. "you don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you, you don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you" etc. These are likely all the kind of thoughts that Santana had back in the past, and there are also a lot of references to hidden love and hidden feelings within the song. 

If I Can't Have You

Okay so Santana might say that this song was about her love for fame, but I'm sorry, I don't believe her. I'm not discounting her wanting fame, but there's no way at least some of that song wasn't aimed at Brittany, just by the way she kept turning to her and gesturing at her. She was pretty much transfixed on her throughout the majority of the performance. But Brittana (Santana in particular) are generally very private with their relationship and in their declarations, so my theory? It was predominantly for Brittany but Santana got embarrassed around all the focus on them, so she gave the excuse about fame and told Brittany later who it was really for. No deeper analysis needed. If that song was Brittany, the lyrics apply to them easily, as they could with most relationships.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody

This one is simple. It's all in the lyrics. Mr Schue sets the assignment not only as a tribute to Whitney, but for the New Directions to express and explore what's going on with them. For Brittany, she just wants to dance with somebody who loves her, that person obviously being Santana. It's highlighted in the performance and how she pulls everyone up before Santana, and finally gets to Santana for the "with somebody who loves me" line, then at the end where she says Santana is her favourite to dance with. It could be that dancing and being happy with Santana is really her only concern at the moment, or it could be deeper than that. It could be that she is deflecting her deeper issues (the fact she is failing which she'd surely know by now) and as a result only wants to focus on dancing with Santana. The two loves in her life (the third being LT) meshed together and combined.

Mine

I did a whole deep analysis on the meaning behind this, because unlike the other songs this really doesn't fit contextually at all. It's a love song based around staying and holding on, and Santana chooses to sing this right before breaking up with Brittany. I never really understood that song choice, until I looked deeper into it. You can read that here if anyone wants to read it in more detail. If you don't want to read that though, in short, I think that Santana chose that song because when she made that choice to break up with Brittany, I think she can almost picture the future ahead of them and how eventually they are going to make it, they are going to be together, but right now she needs to break up with Brittany so that they actually get that happy ending that she can see. And that fits the whole last verse of the song where she's like "we're gonna make it now, I can see it now" etc, which otherwise doesn't make sense contextually when you're about to break up with someone. It's similar to what happens in the original video for Mine, where Taylor meets the love of her life in a cafe and she "sees" the whole future ahead of them (arguments included) as soon as they meet.

Make No Mistake (She's Mine)

Pretty self explanatory with this one because it's all in the lyrics (and the amazing delivery from Naya). She still loves Brittany and in her eyes Brittany belongs with her. It kind of links back to what I just said about Mine, in that I don't think Santana truly expected Brittany to move on. She told her she could because essentially she had to say that, but did she actually think Brittany would move on? I don't think so. I think she always thought breaking up with Brittany was needed to cement their future and that they'd end up better because of it, but then Sam put a spanner in the works which sent her straight back to Lima to fight for Brittany and stake her claim. Of course saying someone can move on and seeing it are two very different things. I really wish they would have kept the parallel version of that with Brittany/Santana/Elaine and that they kept Dancing On My Own in.

Valerie

This one is definitely more contextual than lyrical. Santana picked this number because it was meaningful to Brittany. It was the first number she choreographed, and so Santana learning Brittany's part of that routine and dancing it with Mike, was a way for her to spark something in Brittany that she was currently lacking and reignite her love for dance to remind her of herself. Clearly she chose to do a dance duet because it's Brittany, but it's poignant that she picked the first song that Brittany choreographed, and it was obviously meaningful to Santana too as her first solo. Although more contextual, the lyrics do carry meaning too. "Stop making a fool out of me, why don't you come on over Valerie" could refer to Santana wanting Brittany to get up and dance with her, while "I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress" could relate to A) Santana missing Brittany in general and B) Santana missing the old care-free Brittany who loved to dance and wasn't consumed by MIT and math equations.

Hand In My Pocket/I Feel The Earth Move

Obviously this song was chosen for mash up purposes in line with artists they had to stick to, but I do think the song choice (chosen by Santana) were relevant to her proposal. The lyric "one hand in my pocket" is indicative of her hiding a ring. I really liked how Santana kept getting down on one knee mid performance (I feel like she was doing this teasingly to foreshadow what was to come rather than she was gonna propose mid song since clearly she had a big speech planned- but I love how every time she did it Brittany would get down as well ) and then all the further foreshadowing with the dragging of the chair that she wanted Brittany to sit in. It's not the most "romantic" of duets, but Brittany and Santana are very private so I feel like it made more sense for them to do a fun duet when it was in front of everyone. I do adore the bit where they're singing the "ooh baby when I see your face" etc. and they only have eyes for each other and look so utterly and adorably in love and happy. That bit really has my heart.

Wishin' and Hoping'

A song about Santana from Brittany's perspective which makes a welcome change. The performance itself is obviously a dream sequence when Brittany is thinking about heaven (because being with Santana makes her feel like she's in heaven and angel wings remind her of her ), but I think the lyrics fit well with the whole narrative we see in S6 of Brittany doing a heavy bulk of the wedding planning and trying to make sure everything is perfect for Santana. This is something we later see as causing her stress in the wedding episode, when she is so nervous and obsessed with it being perfect that she becomes a bit of a bridezilla obsessed with superstition. There were also cut lines from Brittany about everything having to be perfect, and though they weren't canon in the end, it's clearly the angle they were going with. This song links to that because it's all about how ultimately just being yourself and showing the person you love that you care is enough, and it almost foreshadows the conversation that Santana later has with Brittany where she says they don't need any of the traditions or the perfect planning because they create their own luck. They love each other, and that's enough. The performance has Brittany singing about wishing and hoping and planning, but it's Blaine, Artie and Sam who sing "all you gotta do is hold her and kiss her and love her and show her that you care", so it's almost as if they are assuring Brittany. Also pointing out the part of the performance where they sing about planning, and Brittany points at her stomach, one of many S6 clues put in there to hint that Brittana will have a family together in the future ❤️

Our Day Will Come

It's another straight forward one that doesn't really take much analysis. It symbolises how the day has finally come for them to get married and start the rest of their lives together, after such a long, hard journey getting there. One of the key lyrics is "no one can tell me that I'm too young to know", which indicates that someone has tried to tell them they're too young to get married. We know that Kurt said this to them, but since Kurt is singing in this duet with them and he apologised, it may be someone else. Santana's dad maybe? Either way, whoever said it to them, they show in this duet that they are certain about their commitment and the future ahead of them. The song also has the lyrics "I love you so, and you love me" which is repetitive of what Santana said to Brittany earlier in the day before they got married when she saw Brittany in her wedding dress. It symbolises what the ending of their whole arc is about. That after a whole lot of doubt, pain and a long road to get there, they are both finally happy together and content in the love they have in each other, and very proud of that love. Santana in particular I feel always doubted Brittany's love for her. Even when Brittany said yes to marrying her, Santana couldn't believe it. On their wedding day, all those doubts are finally gone, and it's actually Brittany who's doing the worrying. The worrying that Brittany does takes us right back to the beginning of Brittana, when Brittany had her own doubts and fears in the relationship because Santana just seemed like something out of reach for her, that she'd never fully get to have. It's like she has a moment of panic, that something could mess this up the way it used to get messed up all those years ago. Our Day Will Come symbolises the end of all of those doubts, and the start of their new lives together.

[vaguely-concerned]

R-r-r-rewatch thoughts for The Mandalorian S2 Ep2

(or Chapter 10 as they seem resolved to call it)

- can I just express my joy for a moment that in one episode we get peli, the answer to my pleas for female representation in the ‘sketchy middle aged car mechanic’ niche, and a female alien designed with no consideration towards sexiness. (I mean I’m sure there’s someone. There is always someone somewhere on the Internet, is the bitter truth history has shown to us. but it’s not the intention behind the design haha)  

- they do take great pains to deliberately show you boba’s armour several times both in the recap and in the episode itself, so never despair he is very likely still on his way onto our screens once more

- this dude holding the baby hostage wanting specifically the jetpack in exchange is the one (1) break this whole episode gave din lol 

also the Patented Mando Finger Curl of Stress while he talked softly and calmly to not promp this asshole to make a sudden move... the most endearing character tic, I love my space cowboy dad so much 

- fun continuity detail: din is all out of whistling birds now, and you can see it here!

I wonder if he could still use the same mechanism with different ‘ammo’, it’s just not as effective? from the way the armorer spoke whistling birds seem quite rare and it would be an inefficient use of beskar if that’s the only thing it can be loaded with

 - I love how after the last episode, a 50 min epic with a bunch of original trilogy significance and impressive technical achievements and exciting character reveals, I was like ‘yeah okay I suppose that is quite interesting’, and this mess/comedy of inconveniences is the thing that fully makes my brain tip into the obsessive ‘BABY AND DAD SHOW!! BABY AND DAD SHOW!!!!!’ mind state lol

- ah the traditional ‘mando trudging slowly but steadily through the desert’ montage we all love to see (I hope this is going to be a Thing for the second episode of every season from now on) 

Also I assume his suit has some sort of temperature regulation built in and that’s how he didn’t, y’know. die under the blazing desert sun

-

CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT man I love the jawa. also mando doesn’t even glance over at them, really emphasizing how he’s like. done with this entire day (and it’s all barely even getting started din! i’m sorry)

 yodito’s look in this scene tho... he’s like ‘we’ve Seen some shit lady’ (actually I think he’s staring at ‘dr mandible’ like O___o. it’s been a long day for a lil boy) 

you get to see dr mandible’s cards a few times, so I assume anyone who knows the rules of... sabacc? probably? could figure out beforehand that he was in a bad spot. (the star wars fanbase is one of those where I KNOW the rules exist somewhere, and I know people who know those rules exist too)  

- that sound the baby keeps making -- the ‘boo-a’, sometimes with a p-sound at the end -- if that’s the precursor to him saying any variation whatsoever of ‘dad’ or ‘papa’ or ‘baba’ or even ‘buir’ or anything, I will die. I will sink to the ground in a heap and never get up (the way he keeps seeking out gaze contact with the helmet and seems perfectly satisfied with it too... fasdhfaskdjhl my FEELINGS)

- it seems confirmed in this ep that the mandos who died on nevarro did so while holding off the enemy so the rest(probably especially the children) could get away; some of them appear to have escaped. which I guess is a small relief

- 

frog lady stepping out of the shadows and into our hearts

I like that her firm nod after Peli translates ‘her husband has seen them’ lets us know she understands... basic? is that the common tongue thing in star wars there’s just so many to remember across fandoms lol? perfectly well, even if she can’t speak it. 

- mando might be running low on ammo for the pulse rifle, if the fact that he hasn’t replaced the missing cartridge on his... bandolier belt thingy is any indication

ETA: actually ignore me this has been a thing since the literal first episode of the show my brain just had a hiccup lol

- so baby seems to use a little bit of the force to pull the eggs towards him -- I wonder how often he ‘taps into it’ or if it’s always ‘on’ in the background for him. if so I guess there’s no wonder he’s so hungry (but also... kid you can’t end this lady’s entire family line like that one cat who singlehandedly made extinct a whole species of bird! D:)

- din so rarely gets openly angry, he just gets passive aggressive and grumpy. and that’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with things but I love him

- frog lady reacts so strongly to when din sends the ping when nothing else woke her up, I wonder if she can hear more frequencies than a human

- 

hello darkness my old frieeennnddd

- 

proof nr 1508 that din does not starve this baby you guys, he even has his own little tray just the right size for him! as it happens the baby simply seems to prefer eating things that are... still alive in some capacity. which, uh. maybe they can invest in some form of non-sentient crickets or something for him to hunt down and.... oh dear

- 

Look how they massacred my boy

By the way I finally managed to put into words why the Razor Crest -- and particularly the way it keeps getting beaten to hell and back and patched up again --  is so symbolically important and meaningful to me in this show in this post over here! it’s always a great relief to me when I can finally understand what the hell I’ve been going on about all this time and this was one of those lol

-  honestly if it weren’t for frog lady and (more importantly) the baby I think there’s a slight chance din would’ve gone ‘well I had a good-ish run of it for a while there’ and just let the ice claim him haha   

- “Why don’t you come over here and give me a hand. Make yourself useful” This is the one time in the episode I think he crosses the line into just being a dick for a moment (but noticeably the baby isn’t just a little hurt at this reaction, he’s clearly surprised and confused, which means this really does not happen often. after the time mando’s been having recently I guess a moment’s snappishness is understandable haha. he does follow up right after with being much more responsive and attentive when the baby toddles away from him, so it feels like it’s going to be okay)

also the ‘boo-ap’ sound is there again when he’s trying to get din’s attention. just sayin’ 

when din comes over to see the footprints baby makes a declarative little meep like ‘see??? I did tell you!’ haha

- it is very funny that mando is using all his technology meant to track down dangerous bounties in the grungy depths of the criminal underworld... to find a naked lady just chillin’ in a hot spring 

- 

cue the ‘father is evil?’ memes fsadfda. actually the funniest thing about this moment (apart from the fabulous finger acting) is that din actually snatches a few eggs out of the baby’s reach more subtly right before, and that baby only whines for ALL OF ONE SECOND before he goes to sniff around for other food possibilities fkadfhjkds. from my experience with human children he’s a lot less prone to tantrums. yodito doesn’t get mad, he gets even 

- baby running towards din through the hatching spiderlings like ‘DAD I FUCKED UUUUUUP’, din’s little strangled ‘ngh’ sound as he picks the baby up and watches all the creepy crawlies come out... *chef kiss* impeccable 

(that little ‘ngh’ and the soft shocked ‘ah ah AH!’s from when he goes flying at the beginning of the episode... pedro pascal and his voice work for this character gives me so much life. in some ways din has this sort of dignity and grace and in other ways he uh extremely doesn’t. he gets to be cool but also vulnerable in ways a lot of male main characters don’t and it’s probably why I love him so much) 

btw here is that moment when din moves to hold the baby tightly against him with both hands as the big spider appears, because it gets me right in the heart... it such an instinctive thing of holding on to the dearest thing you’ve got before something bad is about to happen

fdsafhsdakjlfhsdkjlhfsdajhf oh my god the baby is clutching din’s finger with his little hand during the chase!!!! 😭😭😭

this FUCKING SHOW has just WEAPONIZED putting in small details everywhere to convey the love and tenderness and attachment felt by a little muppet doll even where only weirdos like me will frame by frame their way through the video to see it I am so MAD

- frog lady going ‘fuck this’ and bounding along is  e v e r y t h i n g 

- din is an amazing shot, though, he doesn’t seem to miss a single one in this whole scene (then again there’s something to shoot at basically everywhere one can take aim so lol)

-

baby hiding behind/half hugging din’s boot as he tries to get the doors closed hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can’t breathhhhheeeee 

honestly every single one of the baby’s proximity seeking behaviours in this ep has me on my knees 

- it’s very unfair to play the heroic happy mando music like everything is going to be fine and then have a huge fuck-off spider drop down from the ceiling and break it off mid-tune, the mandalorian, you have trained me in certain ways and now do you betray me??? how can I trust again

- the camera work in the scene with the new republic guys gives such a good sense of the discomfort of being judged from on high by someone or something you can’t really see -- the glare of the lights blocking out everything in the shots from din’s pov makes it feel like a tense interrogation (the new republic dude who is actually dave filoni has such a look of fondness as he watches din tho it’s kind of sweet)

- ...oh no I think baby was actually considering munching on that dismembered spider leg YODITO NO JUST EAT YOUR KRAYT DRAGON BABY

- hngh this is a weird filler episode and it has my entire heart. I suspect we might get some episodes of a more stationary baby between active ones like this -- you can tell a little bit in this episode that especially having him running around fast is quite difficult to have look natural, they likely save that effort up for when it best serves the narrative  

[aueua]

Marona’s Fantastic Tale (2019) AU where the dog lives and others are happier. Idea bounced with @mushrium a few weeks back; details under cut.

Yes, I am aware that hardly anyone knows of this movie (but maybe more’ll know it now due to the streamer albeit even then this is unlikely to be a proper fandom, maybe, maybe not). Doesn’t matter. This now exists for archiving purposes.

First and foremost: Spoilers abound, don’t seek further if you don’t want them by any means - with that said, also good luck if you aren’t aware of what the movie is but I’ll do my best to give some context as necessary. (Post-edit: No clarification. Very sorry.)

See also: The movie is not for everyone but it can be appreciated artistically for its fluidity and variety of styles. There is also a lot of symbolism and the dog narrator is impeccable. I love Nine. I love her, I do.

Okay! Here we go.

Recall the [Lost Dog Sign] that is posted some scenes after Nine (protagonist, dog) left Manole (red and yellow, acrobat entertainer) and she’s picked up by Istvan beloved (Tumblr nose, big guy). Istvan may be driving and potentially distracted; however, he absolutely sees that sign. And it doesn’t quite click, not yet. He’s worried about his mother, his wife, himself, this dog. Dog... Dog! This doesn’t register until he’s arrived at his ill mother’s home. That dog on the wanted sign looks eerily like the one he just picked up... and come to think of it, it did seem well cared for...

So he fudges around, figures out what the number is.

An answer. And with one thing leading to another, Istvan figured that this guy is sincere: He loves this dog much like he does. (But he believed that Manole loved her more, deserved her more, and it isn’t likely he can bring her quite anywhere...) So. They meet up. Guy really is nice, but Istvan can see it - the acrobat’s nerves are a bit shot after all that worrying and desperation to find this dog again. Ana (dog), was it? (There was an inkling that he should call her Sara but Ana is also quite the nice name. It’s fine. And thank goodness, that he did not name her, since goodbyes would be worse.)

They part, and that is that. Istvan checked on his mother, returned to his choking snake of a wife (yellow skin ostritch, black fluff); Manole reobtained his beloved boy (girl, he knows), managed to get a contract that allowed him to work with her in the La Circe (???) troupe thingamabob since it was either them or nothing. Both of these two keep in touch with each other as Istvan is worried and, admittedly, attached to the dog after those moments in the dumps viva la his loneliness. Plus Manole’s a fun personality. He’s considered going to see one of his acts, once, but his wife’s a bit overbearing.

A bit overbearing, as in a time skip occurs and he still had yet to leave her toxic self, nor could he bear to see his mother but still stuck it through.

Come to think of it though. Manole is obviously happy, and so is the dog. He can’t recall a moment with his wife recently where he felt... happy, sincerely. Perhaps in the past, when he’d strum his guitar and skate around - free and without the exhaustion of judgment and micromanagement? He deserved better. There’s just no right timing, though, as he can’t find the motivation to work himself up and tell his wife they need a divorce for both of their own sakes.

And then his wife gave him the ultimatum: Her, or that stupid acrobat with the dog and his mother.

Well, well. Fine. He doesn’t need to pack much, and he doesn’t need to say anything. He’s rearing to go. The wife? Cocky. All until she realized quite quickly that he was serious, dead serious, and she begged and pleaded and smothered herself all over him trying to get him to obey her every whim just like before. That it was a joke, an act, a test to see where he would be really happy but she needed him and who else would indulge her needs and fluff up her ego with the beefcake of a man?

Too bad! He’s gone, but he’s also an incredible mess and it was incredibly short-notice and maybe he should’ve thought things out better, but he’s free. He’s never felt so relieved. It’s quite cold, dark, and alone, but everything seems so much more colorful and bright now but also he really should find a place to say and strangely, his immediate thought is to call up Manole -- but he’s asleep, isn’t he? Or working? He shouldn’t bother him, he should go to his mother. But...

He called. Decided that if he did not get an answer, he would let him know another time (never, really). And nobody picked up. So as he’s ready to drive out, he gets a call: It’s Manole. He picked up, and he heard the groggy-confused voice of an acrobat ringing out with the delightful barks of Ana in the background to give him the image that oh, she must have woken him up, and oh, he’s smiling. They chat for the night. As in. They meet up again, and the two take a quiet stroll out with Ana, and Istvan gets to vent, tell his story. (His little audience is quite expressive too, he noted. Loose red strings of disbelief and high-pitched barking. Dramatic flailing of arms, a growl.)

In the end, they have to rest. Manole and Ana depart (with Manole insisting that they continue their little interactions and that Istvan finally comes to one of his showings, he swore he’d make it worthwhile - Ana agreeing in her little pip), and Istvan is home. A home of memories. Bad, good, but a place that made him nevertheless and he supposed... he should probably go to that therapist Manole recommended. He gave his word that she was fine; she had helped him back then, too, when things were dire.

Solange was her name. And oh, she was understanding - the best, at least for his circumstances. He revealed his feelings, and she helped him through most of it - enough that he was in better shape than before. Enough that he can lift his head high even with his impressive stature. But - he did ask, out of polite curiosity. What was it that made her want to be a therapist?

And it was an easy answer, the way she’d told it. A deadbeat father, a single mother with a cat and her father - her own grandfather. She had been... rebellious, in a sense, and she was a menace to her family. They had financial issues, relationship issues, the works. It was only until they’d discovered the (grand)father dead that things really started to change. Viva la insurance money, they were able to handle most of the debt and loans. She felt more inclined to... help, seeing as how badly-shapen her mother was, mourning and all. And during that - she realized it was something she wanted to pursue wholeheartedly.

Overall, they’re happy. Istvan and Manole eventually get together (after a long amount of time, only when Istvan was ready to open himself up again - easier, when he’d started acting as accompaniment as (a tech) crew and occasional musical act in the streets and they realized how well they clicked). Ana thrives (with a few other secret nicknames that the others gave to her; well. She doesn’t mind.) Solange occasionally helped out in using her artistic skills with some of the advertisements.

They’re all comfortable. They’re living.

That is all.

 SUMMARY:

・[Overall] The canon diverges with Istvan actually noticing and recognizing the missing dog poster Manole put up. Manole and Ana are reunited. Istvan eventually divorces his wife and gets therapy from Solange, and Istvan is later friends (or more than that, ah-heem) with Manole.

・[Manole] Acrobat for that dreamy circus, but with a dog.

・[Ana] Dog! Beloved! Living! Happy! SO Happy. Maybe gets to meet her old litter of siblings again.

・[Istvan] No more toxic wife that tries to control and restrain him with false affections and silly desires built on creating a dumb image! Musical fun time! Also lifts and flexes.

・[Solange] On good terms with mother now! Grandpa is deader than dead but it’s for the better, promise. Insurance money and her mother made her realize she’d wanted to be a therapist. Occasionally does art for Manole’s circus thing.

No I did not proofread this. I do not care. I have self love, and this is, in fact, indulgent.