#she’s literally the most deadpan woman and the world who seems to hate her job so desperately (understandably)

[clowningcrows]

the way i may actually really love the job i thought i would desperately hate… yall look at what my manager gave me (she made one for everyone)

[cloudywriter]

a trip to target

rowaelin month - september 6th

prompt: firstborn arrives

i literally have no idea where this idea came from like it’s so weird but i think it’s funny so i just had to write it. honestly though pregnancy freaks me out a little so it was a little uncomfy to write at times but i pushed through and i like it. enjoy!

(warning for some minor language)

masterlist, AO3

~~~

Rowan was working on one of his client's cases, a rather nasty divorce that he knew was going to be an absolute dumpster fire when his wife called him again. Rowan couldn’t help but smile a little at her name lighting up his phone screen but admittedly she was bothering him so much he barely got any work done nowadays. 

He picked up anyway, he’d never decline her. “Hey, Fireheart.”

“I’m bored, buzzard,” Aelin deadpanned. 

“I know, baby, but I’ll come home after my meeting later, I promise. Then we can watch Bachelor reruns all night and eat ice cream,” Rowan assured her, leaning back in his office chair. For some reason, all she wanted to do nowadays was watch bad reality tv and eat ice cream from the carton. As much as Rowan hated reality shows and wasn't keen on sweets he did anything to make her happy.

“That’s too far away, I’m rotting away on this couch,” Aelin whined. 

Aelin’s work had forced her on maternity leave a few days ago as she was due any day now with their first child, a little girl, and Aelin was not taking it well. She was the kind of person who liked to always be busy and now she had nothing to do but sit on the couch and wait for their child to decide she was ready to enter the world. She was constantly phoning Rowan seeking some form of entertainment but he was still working on this damn case. 

Rowan thought her restlessness had something to do with the fact she was terrified at the thought of giving birth and caring for a newborn. If she were distracted she wouldn’t have to think about the daunting task at hand. So, he did his best to keep her happy and preoccupied but he desperately needed to wrap up this case before his daughter arrived. He wanted to be there for every moment of the beginning of her life, he didn’t fancy any legal cases looming over his head vying for his attention as well. 

“I know, I’ll be home as soon as I can. Hang tight, my love.” 

Aelin huffed from the other end of the line. “I’m ready for her to be out, Rowan. This sucks.” 

Rowan stifled a laugh, he knew being pregnant had lost its charm a long time ago. At first, she enjoyed Rowan fetching anything she asked for and waiting on her, but then that started to get old, and Aelin's pregnancy symptoms made her miserable most of the time. So, the last couple of months hadn't been her favorite. 

“I’m ready to meet her too. Any second now.” 

“Okay, I’ll stop bothering you now," Aelin concluded. She likely finally found something on Netflix that piqued her interest. "Good luck with your meeting, I hope they settle. I love you,” Aelin told him. 

“I love you too, see you soon,” and with that, the call ended. Rowan looked out the window of his office, thinking. Maybe he could send someone to keep her company?

He ran through a list of their friends in his head. Elide, Aedion, and Lysandra were all working as far as he knew and didn’t want to ask them to leave their job to entertain Aelin. He thought of Lorcan, Connall, and Fenrys, they all worked for him so technically he could let them off. Except, Aelin didn’t particularly like Lorcan and he didn’t think Connall would be very keen on that arrangement either. Fenrys, though, Aelin and Fenrys were best of friends, a force of nature all on their own. 

So, Rowan rang his assistant requesting that Fenrys be sent to his office. Not much time passed before Fenrys was standing in the doorway, knocking lightly on its frame.

“What’s up?” He asked, plopping himself down on a chair opposite Rowan, making himself comfortable. 

“I have a favor to ask,” Rowan confessed. 

“A favor?” Fenrys raised an eyebrow, intrigued. 

“Can you go keep Aelin company while I’m trying to settle with the Westfalls?” Rowan probed. 

Fenrys frowned. “As much as I love Ace I can’t take a day off work to hang out with her. I have bills to pay and ladies to take out.” 

Rowan nearly groaned, fighting an internal battle with himself. “I’ll let you do it on the clock,” he finally spit out. 

“You’re going to pay me to go entertain your wife?” Fenrys looked bewildered. “I feel like is almost insulting to Aelin, you paying people to hang out with her. You’re the one she should be paying people to hang out with.”

Rowan rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not like that. I feel bad because I know she’s struggling and I can’t be home right now. I don’t want her to have to be alone, just take her to Target or something.”

“Aelin’s a grown woman, can’t she take herself to Target?” Fenrys disputed. 

“Yes, but she’s a grown woman who’s nearing 40 weeks pregnant. I’d rather she have a chaperone,” Rowan admitted, before backtracking. “Don’t ever tell her I said that.” 

Fenrys looked amused as Rowan continued. “Are you really going to say no?” 

“Of course not, getting paid to go to Target with Aelin is a hell of a lot better than getting paid to do paperwork,” Fenrys conceded. 

Rowan blew a sigh of relief as Fenrys headed to go pick up Aelin. 

+++

Fenrys had successfully gotten Aelin to Target. It wasn’t a hard task to accomplish, the woman loved Target but Fenrys noticed she seemed rather uncomfortable and he asked her multiple times if she just wanted to stay home instead. Aelin always said no, pushing on with their trip. 

He supposed having a watermelon-sized bump on one’s front would cause a certain degree of discomfort, though. Naturally, the pair find themselves in the baby section, gushing over tiny onesies and shoes small enough to fit in the palm of their hands. Fenrys was swiping through a display of onesies, “Do you think they have any of those onesies that say like 'broken condom 'on them or something?” 

Aelin turned around from where she was staring at baby headbands. “You’re nasty. My daughter was not the result of a broken condom.” 

Fenrys made a face, “I don’t want to know.”

Aelin snorted and they continued their browsing making their way through every aisle that had anything remotely baby-related. By now, Fenrys noticed Aelin was growing increasingly uncomfortable, he could see her stamina slowing, and the difficulty walking was beginning to pose. 

Eventually, he shifted to face her as they browsed the small, dollar section at the front of the store. “Do you want to head home and get off your feet?” he finally proposed. 

“No,” Aelin responded without looking at him, picking up a small, fake succulent. “Walking is supposed to induce labor and that’s what I’m aiming for right now,” she stated, smoothing a hand over the front of her round stomach. 

Fenrys shrugged, picking up a pair of cheap fuzzy socks before throwing them back into their bin. 

He allowed Aelin to mill about the store, spending a healthy amount of time at the nightgown section before moving towards the back of the store. Aelin always said it wasn’t a trip to Target without going to the back and sniffing their extensive stockpile of candles. 

That’s exactly where they ended up. Fenrys had his nose stuck in a deep violet candle, making a face at its scent. He checked the label. Cosmic starlight. What the hell was that supposed to smell like? 

He turned to Aelin about to make her smell the atrocity when she braced herself against the shelf, putting down the candle she had been holding. Her mouth popped into an ‘o’ and her brow furrowed. 

“Aelin?” Fenrys reached out a hesitant hand placing it on her shoulder. 

Aelin breathed deeply, taking a moment to reply. “The baby must really hate the smell of sandalwood,” she finally vocalized. 

Fenrys’ dark eyes widened. “Did you just have a contraction?” 

“I think? It’s hard to tell if it was just a strong fake one or not,” Aelin panted eventually loosening her grip on the candle display shelf. 

Fenrys wasn’t taking any chances, if Rowan wanted him to deal with a woman going into labor he’d have to raise his pay significantly. “How about we get you home, Ace.” 

Aelin didn’t object, just nodded her agreement waddling towards the front of the store with Fenrys hovering around her like a fly. 

They made it out to the parking lot without any further incident and Fenrys helped Aelin into his low, expensive sports car that was his prized possession. Aelin’s face scrunched up then a sharp gasp left her mouth, her hand flying to her stomach. 

“I think squatting down trying to get into this thing just broke my water,” her eyes were wide with fear as she looked up at Fenrys. 

Fenrys face was comical, his own eyes widening like saucers and his mouth dropped. Sure enough, the bottom of her dress was wet. Fenrys was frozen for a second his mind completely emptied out, then the panic set in sending a million thoughts racing through his head. 

Fenrys audibly gulped, “Okay, um, I’m calling Rowan.” Fenrys grabbed his phone out of his pocket, fumbling with the device as he dialed Rowan’s contact, willing him to pick up. 

Fenrys leaned slightly against the open passenger door as the phone rang. “You’ve reached Rowan Whitethorn-Galathynius, I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your call, please leave a message and I’ll -.”

Fenrys hung up and groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. Beside him, Aelin whimpered. “Holy shit, that was not fake,” she groaned, her grip tightening on the seat beneath her.

“Oh, gods, Aelin, please don’t give birth in my Mercedes,” he begged. 

“Really, Fen?” She narrowed her eyes at him, she’d probably kick him in the groin if she wasn’t incapacitated. 

“You know I love you, but I don’t want baby juice on the leather.”

“Just call Rowan again,” Aelin growled. 

Fenrys did just that, silently pleading with the universe for Rowan to pick up his gods-damn phone. Relief washed over him as the call connected. 

“Fen, I’m in a meeting this better be worth my while,” Rowan whispered harshly, he hated to be interrupted at work by anyone except Aelin.

“Oh, I’m sorry, your wife’s water did just break but I guess I’ll call back later,” Fenrys spat, growing increasingly flustered by the minute. 

Fenrys heard a sharp intake of breath. “Fuck, shit, okay, where are you? I’m coming right now,” the jingle of keys filled Fenrys’ ear from Rowan's end of the call. 

As Fenrys surveyed his surrounding the urge to laugh crept upon him, he fought his smile as he replied, “The Target parking lot.”

Aelin watched the exchange closely cluing in on Fenrys’ suppressed laughter. “It’s not funny, Fen!”

“It’s a little funny. I mean if anyone was going to have a baby in a Target parking lot, it’d be you. Or Lysandra. One of you two.”

Aelin snatched the phone out of Fenrys’ hand, pressing it to her ear. “Rowan,” she panted, resting her head on the side of the car. 

Fenrys couldn’t hear much of what Rowan was saying, he spoke in a low voice trying to calm Aelin, assuring her he was coming and he loved her and she was okay. 

They were sickeningly in love, Fenrys would admit. 

“Okay, I love you too,” Aelin breathed, hanging up the phone and handing it back to Fenrys. 

Fenrys leaned against the side of the car as they awaited Rowan’s arrival. “Cross your legs, Ace. Remember, no baby juice in the car,” he reminded her, trying his best to keep her mind off of what was happening while they waited.

“Go to hell,” Aelin murmured in the midst of a contraction. Fenrys wasn’t sure what to do so he bent forward to rub Aelin’s shoulder in an attempt to do what, he wasn’t sure. Aelin didn't yell at him though so he rubbed circles on her shoulder as she clung onto the seat. 

Rowan showed up only a few minutes later, tearing into the parking lot like a bat out of hell, so at odds with his usual slow and steady driving style. He jumped out of the car, his tie loosened around his neck as he rushed to Aelin’s side. 

He kneeled down next to the open car door, picking up her hand and brushing away the stray blonde strands of hair from her splotchy face. “I’m here, Fireheart. How far apart are your contractions?”

“I don’t know,” Aelin hissed. “Okay, okay, let’s just get you in the car and to the hospital,” Rowan decided, supporting Aelin as she eased out of the car, leaning heavily upon him. 

Fenrys and Rowan successfully got Aelin into the passenger seat of his car, Rowan buckled her in and continued whispering words of love and support. Rowan rounded the car and hopped into the driver's side ready to book it to the hospital when one of the back doors opened and Fenrys slid in. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Rowan asked, shifting in his seat to look back at Fenrys. 

“I’m coming, obviously. I’m about to be an uncle,” Fenrys stated clearly. 

Rowan internally debated with himself on whether to kick Fen out of the car or not but ultimately decided he needed to prioritize Aelin, if Fen wants to tag along then fine. 

The ride to the hospital was tense, Rowan held Aelin’s hand across the center console, kissing the back of it and consoling her. Fenrys felt as though he was intruding but he refused to miss the birth of his niece. 

Of course, once they were admitted to the hospital Fenrys was kicked to the waiting room while Rowan supported Aelin through the duration of her labor. 

It progressed surprisingly quickly after her water broke, it was only a few hours later when a nurse told Fen he could come see the baby. 

Fenrys pushed open the door to the room softly and peered in. On the bed was Aelin, her golden hair a fan around her and despite the traumatizing ordeal she was glowing. A small baby was wrapped up in a blanket, laying in Aelin’s arms. Rowan was at her side, peering down at the bundle in her arms with so much love Fenrys felt as though he should look away. The new parents were already smitten with their little human, running their fingers over her cheek. 

Aelin perked up as Fenrys stepped into the room. She ushered him over and he too inspected the baby. She was so small, sleeping contently in her mother’s arms. Fen thought she had Rowan’s nose and he could see wisps of blonde hair from beneath her wool beanie. 

“Is her name Target? Or Bullseye like the dog?” Fenrys quipped with a playful smile. 

Aelin rolled her eyes as he interrupted the tender, intimate moment and shoved his shoulder with a shocking amount of strength for a woman who’d just pushed a whole baby out. 

“No,” Rowan answered, his eyes not leaving Aelin or the baby, “Her name is Elora.”

“Elora,” Fenrys repeated. “She’s beautiful, Aelin.”

Aelin gave him a soft smile and Elora yawned, her little eyes fluttering open. She gazed up at Fenrys with eyes the color of a pine forest. 

Fenrys beamed at the small girl and he liked to think she almost smiled back.

~~~

kinda leaning on the side of an aelin and fenrys brotp fic but i couldn’t not publish it, it’s so cute.  it’s not as fluffy as i’d like it to be but it was supposed to be more funny, nonetheless, i have more rowaelin baby content planned that is very fluffy. 

[mysticpetals]

Sorry for bothering you, but I had another idea! :D If you don't mind me sending two requests, how about a headcanon (or imagine if you want, you can choose what you like best) where Jake will meet MC's parents and he is super nervous because he is afraid of what they will think of him and if they knew that he is a hacker. But when Jake and MC arrive at her parents' house, they are quite different than Jake thought.

I'm sooooo sorry that this is super late but life got in the way and I just couldn't bring myself to write. And when I did have the time, I was almost ashamed of how long it had been and delayed it even further.

So this is me, finally writing what I should have done months ago. Thank you so much for your patience!!! ❤️

Jake and f!MC headcannons

(meeting the parents)

There aren't a lot of things that phase Jake

In fact, he's seen so much over the years he was on the run, done some illegal things too

But nothing and he meant nothing, could terrify him more than when his girlfriend told him that her parents had invited them over to have dinner together the next week

"next week? Like....like seven days later?"

"yes." she nodded and his brain short circuited.

"oh my god, oh my god."

MC amused herself by looking at Jake panicking about it for a few minutes and then grabbed his shoulders and made him look at her

"relax, babe. You don't have to. I can tell them that you're busy or something."

Jake calmed down for a moment but then he noticed the sad smile on MC's face

And he doesn't like seeing her sad

At all.

So despite his nervousness, he steeled himself to do this

"why don't we go? I think it'll be fun."

MC's face was priceless.

Shocked beyond belief, she cupped his face in her hands and leaned forward, eyes wide

"are you sure, honey? You don't have to force yourself."

She looked so hopeful and excited to hear his answer

And they had been dating for a while. So it was only natural that they meet each other's families

And since MC had already pretty much met his (only the people he considered as one!), it wouldn't be fair if he didn't make an effort too

"yes. We should go," he smiled and MC squealed excitedly, pressing a quick kiss to his lips

"oh my gosh, I'm so excited!! I'll go call them right now!!"

:))))

Did he make the right decision?

Wellllll, standing in front of MC's house, he was sweating profusely

He had worn his best outfit, a white button up shirt and black jeans

And they had already been late because MC liked his look a little too much

Anyway!!!

He was anxious about making the best impression and he really hoped that they wouldn't be put off by his shyness

Or his profession

About which they didn't know

It's fine it's fine it's fine—

MC's hand slips into his, she gives him a soft smile and the world around them fades away

"I'll be with you the whole time. Tell me if it becomes too much."

Jake swears he's never been more in love

Okay, he can do this!! Absolutely!!

He nods resolutely and MC leads them to her parent's doorstep

Jake's heart is pounding but he's ready

The door opens and he's immediately engulfed in a bone crushing hug

He thinks he can't breath and he looks at MC with wide eyes, asking what to do and she just rolls her eyes in fond exasperation

"really feeling the love here, dad. Not like your daughter is here."

And the weight immediately lifts off of him and turns towards his girlfriend who is laughing as her father hugs her to himself

She squeezes him tight in return and Jake feels himself smile

"it's been too long. I wish you'd come by more. And Jake! Welcome home, son!"

Jake is flabbergasted by the warm welcome. Especially coming from MC's father.

Aren't fathers supposed to threaten the boyfriend?

The flashcards he used to prepare for today did not cover this

"Um, thank you," he stammers out somehow and the man laughs

"My daughter here did say you were shy but no matter! Come on in, I won't bite."

He led them inside and Jake just knew that MC was enjoying all this a little too much judging by the amused tilt of her lips

He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a stern woman sitting on the couch, watching them walk in

"mom! How have you been?"

MC immediately went in for a hug while the older woman kept staring at him and MC's father leaned close to him and whispered

"She's a tough cookie to crack. Good luck, son."

He was so screwed

Jake gulped and watched the smallest of smiles cross her lips as she regarded her daughter, who was talking excitedly

"and this is Jake! My boyfriend!"

Jake literally felt the temperature inside the room drop, when her mother looked him in the eyes

"h-hello ma'am."

She nodded at him and well, that meant she acknowledged who he was, right?

She immediately turned away from him and started asking her daughter how she had been

Well, apparently not

"sorry, Jake. She's not trying to exclude you. She's just....a little hard around the edges."

He appreciated MC's dad because at least one parent didn't seem to hate him

"I appreciate that, sir."

He looked horrified at being called sir

"please don't call me that. Makes me feel old. Call me dad!"

Jake was once again astounded by the man's openness and not wanting to offend him, nodded hesitantly

He smiled widely and Jake was immediately reminded of MC's face when she laughed

"that's more like it! Come on now, the ladies shouldn't be left alone, they'll talk the night away."

MC smiled as soon as Jake entered in the kitchen where both the women were cooking and bringing out the cutlery

"had a nice chat, you two?" MC asked and her father nodded enthusiastically

"I like him! He's very nice, I approve."

"you've known him for two seconds." MC's mom deadpans and Jake smiles nervously

"can I help you with anything ma'am?"

She appraises him for a few moments and then nods

"then please help MC set the table."

Jake literally sighs in relief when the two of them come out from the kitchen

"your mom is scary."

MC laughs and pinches his cheek

"only because you look terrified of her. She enjoys making you squirm."

"well I almost wet myself because she looked at me like I murdered her dog or something"

MC laughs loudly and her father pokes his head out of the kitchen

"alright you two?"

Jake fights off the blush he knows he's sporting and prays that neither of her parents heard what he had said

Table was set quickly, with MC telling Jake about her childhood memories and her parents brought out the food

Jake thought he might have seen MC's mother smile when he made MC laugh but he wasn't sure

Dinner was a loud affair, with MC and her dad competing about who remembers the most about MC's childhood and Jake and her mother listening quietly

He definitely knew where MC got her charisma from

MC's dad was sweet to include Jake in their conversation, addressing him directly and asking him about his own experiences

He slowly found himself relaxing in their presence and telling them about his own hobbies and pet cat

MC's mother gave an approving nod at his choice of pet and asked him to bring him along the next time

Next time

Jake's brain short circuited at the thought that she wanted Jake to come over again

Does that mean tonight was successful?

"so Jake, you didn't say what you do for a living."

Ahhh

Well, it had to go wrong somewhere, right?

Jake froze and looked to MC to see her in a similar state and immediately deduced that she had not told them about his profession

Well

He knew this was going to come up eventually

"I'm a hacker."

Pin drop silence

You couldn't even hear anyone breath over the quietness

MC's mother put down her spoon slowly and opened her mouth to say something but Jake interrupted her before that

"I know you might think it's not a respectful job but it's what makes me happy. And MC supports me every step of the way and I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to honor her confidence in me. Keeping her safe and happy and healthy is my priority and I'll give my all to make sure that she's never unhappy with me."

Everyone at the table looked at him, MC with tears in her eyes and her father looking very proud

Her mother's expression was still unreadable until she smiled at him

The first smile directed at him

"I was going to say that's very interesting. I myself work in cyber security so I've had dealings with hackers. I've found that they're usually very polite."

What

The

Fuck

Jake blinked slowly and MC shifted guiltily in her seat

"haha what a coincidence, right?" She smiled nervously and her dad picked up quickly at her hint

"oh definitely! Why don't you two talk about work stuff and MC and I can clear up the table?"

MC and her father practically fly out of the dining room and Jake and her mom are the only ones left

It was MC's mother who initiated the conversation this time and Jake replied to her questions

He found it quite pleasant to be honest

It was not a regular occurrence that he could chat with someone who knew about computers so this was a nice change

And MC's mom was quite knowledgeable

She even offered to hire him the next time her company had a need of someone to check their software

Jake had no problem agreeing to her wish

He found that she was actually a very kind but fair woman who loved her family dearly, judging by the way she spoke of MC and her father

His heart warmed to know that MC had grown up in such a loving household, even if his heart gave a twinge at never having felt something akin to parental affection

"okay, you two. I think that's enough chatting for today," MC's father said and Jake looked at the time

Holy shit

How is it so late??

MC gave him a discreet thumbs up behind her mother's back and he had to stifle a laugh

"as much as we loved having you two, you should probably get going if you want to reach the city before midnight."

The goodbyes were a little sad and Jake found himself getting a bit emotional too

He really felt like he belonged here and not like an outsider

And MC's parents are so nice and inclusive

No he did not cry

Not at all

To Jake's surprise, MC's mom pulls him into a hug

"take care of my daughter."

And then he's getting roped into another hug, this one much tighter by her dad

"you hurt her, I'll kill you."

And when he stepped back, he was smiling as usual and Jake almost thought that he imagined his words

Anyway!!!

They are in the car and MC is already planning their next trip

And before he would have been scared but now, after spending time with her family, he knew he had found people worth considering his family

[greytoiletpaper]

Out on Allen Street, it’s 7 in the Morning

Set in the same-ish street-siblings universe as First Contact by @cryptids-and-muses and @a-sketchy-character @streetsiblings (they’re still awesome). Now, the pieces start falling into place or smth lmao :))

Drizzle | Deluge | AO3

Chapter 3: Squall

Did they get rid of her?

He dreads to think of it, but there’s nothing else he seems to be able to pick out from what information he gathers. Three years after he died, Cass (who hated killing, would never do it even for the worst of the worst) had nearly murdered the Joker. She almost finished the job until Batman saved the madman and subdued her. After that,

Nothing.

Not a single report on Batgirl. Nor a photo of Cassandra Todd. Only two traces he could find. One a significantly sullen Wonder Woman (he and Cass had liked her, and she, them). The other an interview of Bruce, repeating that she’d gone to ‘travel the world’.

Jason knows a lie when he hears one.

“It’s – It’s like she just disappeared,” He’s gripping his head, rocking back and forth while Rose smooths out his hair. “He cut her out of the family and then what?”

He remembers a promise, a vow Bruce had made with him. It had meant the world to Jason.

Bruce had broken that vow. Torn it apart and stomped all over it.

Rose watches him as he breaks down with no judgement in her gaze, just holds him close as his world crumbles around him again.

--

There’s a child in Nandra Parbat, and Jason has to train him.

“This is my son, Damian,” Talia had said to him, showing him some new kid as if he hadn’t just killed three assassins in the space of a minute. He would have said as much if she didn’t immediately order him to be the kid’s new teacher.

Looking at him now, all Jason can see is a small girl with a crooked smile mouthing his name. He blinks, and he’s met with a scowl and sapphire eyes (eyes just like Br-).

“Mother has requested you to be my instructor,” The kid repeats and lord, his voice is nasal. Jason chooses to stare at the kid, who fidgets. If he looks close enough, he could swear Damian’s scowl looks almost precisely like-.

“Is he mute, Mother? I do not see how an invalid could assist me,” He can tell by the way Rose’s head shoots up and glares at Damian whose side she would choose if this escalates. A flare of anger rises in Jason’s chest; his eyes start to flash a sharp emerald. Still, he pushes it down and diverts it to strengthening his stare, dominating the room.

He can’t read people the same way Cass can, but Jason could swear that the kid’s composure cracks at his uncertainty.

“Wanna repeat that for me?” Jason’s voice is low and even. He can tell the kid recognises the threat in his tone. To his credit, Damian hesitates before he honest to god tts, like every single other haughty, uptight rich boy.

“Regardless, habibi, you will treat your new instructors with respect,” Talia speaks, gesturing to him and Rose. “The quality of your instructors was incredibly subpar, and you have them to blame for killing the previous masters beforehand.”

“I do not think that a lowly thug and his harlot-,” Jason’s arm shoots out in an instant, clasping his hand over Damian’s mouth and clenching. Indignant fury flares in the boy’s eyes as Damian tries to slap Jason away. It does nothing, unsurprisingly.

“So long as you are under my tutelage, you will never speak that way to any woman. That is no way to speak to anyone, regardless of what they do for a living,” Somehow, the kid actually listens, the flinty look in his eye lessening somewhat. “I bet your own mother had to pull a fuck ton of strings just to make sure this meeting even happened in the first place.”

Jason glances up to Talia, expecting a reprimand. What surprises him is how genuine the approval she emits is. It hits him that he has literally confirmed to training Damian. He coughs.

“You should know,” Talia pipes up. “His full name is Damian Wayne-Al Ghul.”

Jason stares at the ceiling and curses the rain as it tap-dances with the universe, mocking him.

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell.”

--

Cassandra shakes herself from the nerves and rings the doorbell. The last time she had been here, she had kissed Alfred on the cheek and let him drive her all the way to the airport. That was only two months ago. Two months away from Gotham, away from Batgirl, away from-.

Bruce. He’s standing in the foyer, his gaze cold, but his body… his body seems unsure. She doesn’t know what to make of it. She half expects him to turn her away, but he moves to the side. He opens his mouth.

“Cassandra!” Steph darts from behind Bruce’s body, all flailing limbs and mismatched socks. “You’re here!”

“Yes.”

The girl grins, periwinkle eyes dazzling (They’re from the same cloth, just not the proper stitching) as she drags Cassandra away.

“So… how’s life in Hong Kong?”

“Peachy,” Cass answers honestly.

“Think of any names for your new identity?” Steph gesticulates to nothing, but her body language is focused on questions. So, she doesn’t give the girl any. They walk a little more until Steph decides to fill in the silence again.

“Tim’s dad found out about the vigilante business,” Cass nods as Steph talks. “Wants him to quit being Robin and Bruce doesn’t seem to know what to do about it.”

“His problem.”

“Well, duh. It’s just that….” Steph rubs her arm shyly, the same way she always does when she’s afraid of what she will say next. “When I was growing up, with my villain dad and addict Mom, I always imagined that Batman and Robin would save me. I’m here now, and….”

“You want to be Robin.” Cassandra deadpans, even as Steph whirls to gape at her. Really, it’s not like she wasn’t obvious. “Why not go for it?”

Silence for a moment. “Because I’m afraid.”

Cassandra looks at the blonde sharply. Stephanie Brown? Intimidated-by-Batman-and-joined-vigilantism-anyway Stephanie Brown was afraid? She doesn’t know what to think. That is until the dots connect in her head.

“You’re afraid that you won’t be able to help as much as you want to,” Steph scuffs the carpet glumly.

“With Mr. Anal-retentiveness-to-the-9’s? Yeah, that’d probably happen,” Steph sound so defeated and desperate that Cass curses because apparently, fate chose now to be when Steph is truly like Jason.

“Then don’t wear it,” Steph’s scuffing gets a little stronger. “I, for one, think you’d be a really good Batgirl.”

Steph makes an incredible impression as a fish and stares at Cass, barely wheezing as she gawks. “But Bruce -.”

“Bruce doesn’t have autonomy over Batgirl,” Cass smiles sweetly, echoing Barbara. “It’s your uniform now, and no one can take that from you but yourself.”

Her friend squeals loudly and squeezes Cass, gushing her gratitude over and over. Cass hugs her back, pretending it’s Jay she’s holding in her arms, giving the assurance of family she failed to keep.

--

He’s only trained with Damian for a few months, yet he’s seen more than he really should from the boy. His younger brother (the kid’s only a child, it doesn’t matter what Jason’s previous misgivings are) has been raised in the League of Assassins since birth. He can already use a sword with deadly efficiency at eleven years old. His attitude's as ruthless and condescending as every other assassin in the compound.

However, what is an exploitable weakness for Damian is the fact he’s only just started puberty. Most easily demonstrated when Rose makes a suggestive pose before tackling the boy and pinning him in place. Jason whistles because he’s fond of her, an asshole like that. Rose flips the bird at Jason and sticks out her tongue, now lounging casually on Damian’s squirming body.

It’s cute, the scene, but Jason knows how wrong it is. As long as Damian is with the League of Assassins, he won’t live normally. To find his own love, his own family. Even as the child wrestles with Rose and yells at him to help, it won’t ever be enough.

He’s not projecting.

He’s not.

He’s going to concoct a plan.

--

Ravi, Damian’s caretaker, has that air about him that Jason has only ever seen come from Alfred. So, he guesses trusting Ravi with this is more than okay. The man may be blind, but with him, they manage to smuggle Damian through the channels of the League, avoiding everyone who could threaten their goal.

“If I may ask, Mister Todd,” Ravi says as they reach the last legs. Jason nods. “Why are you doing this? To what gain is rescuing this child for you?”

“I don’t do this because I want to gain something,” Jason replies immediately. “No child deserves to grow up in this place. He deserves to have as good a childhood as he can get.”

Ravi stares patiently, hearing what’s unsaid.

“Sound reasoning,” Talia’s voice echoes around them. Everyone tenses. The woman steps out from behind the pillar ahead of them, alone. “And where, may a mother ask, are you taking my son?”

The woman’s voice lacks her usual veneer, sounding so genuinely earnest that he can’t help but blurt out: “Gotham.”

“Gotham,” Talia repeats, her forehead pinched. “With him?” With Batman? Jason bristles. “Might I remind you; he left your death unavenged and replaced you in mere months.”

“Fuck that,” Jason snarls. Ever since he came out of the Pit, madness clings to the edges of his mind whenever he thinks of how Bruce replaced him. This time, it only flickers. “What I want doesn’t matter when Damian needs his father figure. I’m – I’m not stopping him from having that.”

“So, you no longer wish to kill him,” Talia states. He sighs.

“I guess not,” Jason frowns, considering her presence. “Want to take him to Bruce?”

If Talia is surprised, she doesn’t show it, only beckoning for Damian to follow her. As the kid moves, Jason realises this might be the last time he’ll see Damian on the same side of the fence. He grabs the kid’s shoulder, who oddly doesn’t resist.

“Look, Damian,” Jason starts as his younger brother stares up at him. “Doing right is right, and wrong is wrong. A body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

“Living with your father, it’s rules like that he follows like gospel. He’ll love you; I know he will, but with him it’s always on the condition that you adhere to his principles. Can you promise something for me?”

Damian nods, soaking every word in.

“I need you to keep an open mind with what he says, but I don’t want you to follow them like gospel the way he does. You’re more than his soldier, you’re my brother, you’re his son.”

The kid nods again, shifting on his feet.

“And – And look after yourself, okay? And -,” The words that come out of his mouth feel like hot coals, but he has to say them. “And if somehow Cass is there, can you look after her too? For me?”

“Of course,” Damian answers softly before throwing his arms around Jason’s waist. “I will find your ukht, ahki, and make sure she is well cared for.”

Jason smiles. It's a broken, weary-looking thing.

“And Todd?” Jason raises his eyebrows. “You should confess to Wilson about your ridiculous affection. It is sickening to watch you two dancing around one another every lesson.”

Jason can’t help it; he laughs and lets his little brother go, his tears like raindrops.

--

Cass leaves the fresh hydrangeas on the headstone. It stares back at her, its date (four years) seeming to mock her from beyond the grave. Literally, Jay says in her head, which has her biting back the laugh that builds in her throat.

Bruce’s son had come in a few days ago, obviously an assassin child, yet he’s still… subdued, somehow. She knows the boy is there, at her brother’s grave, and that he follows her all the way to the manor. Even then, Cassandra lets it go. He probably took all his cues from Bruce anyway.

It’s when she’s sitting at the new memorial for Jason, a small statue of an apple with a plaque underneath, that Damian approaches her.

“Cain.”

“It’s Todd.”

Something crosses the boy’s face. She can’t tell what it is.

“Todd,” Damian says, his eyebrows pinching like a mini Bruce. “What is this?”

“It’s Jason’s memorial,” Cassandra traces the words on the plaque, a quote, one whose meaning she had struggled with a lifetime ago. She gestures to the book in her hands. “I read to it, every time I’m here.”

Damian looks like he’s about to say something about that, but he withholds it. Instead, he sits down with her, his head upturned, not unlike a bird.

“What was he like?” The boy asks, the words seeming to grit out his teeth.

“He was amazing, and we loved him so much,” Dick speaks up, out of nowhere, cutting Cass off before she can even begin. “I had a few issues with him, but I promise that I’ll be as good a brother to you as he was to us.”

Cassandra snorts, and Dick’s smile falls off his face.

“Cassandra, come on, I was just-.”

“You weren’t even a good brother to me or – or him.” She says quietly, because why is he even speaking now? “Why are you trying now? Why not before?”

“Like I said, I had a lot of issues with -.”

“I don’t care, Dickface.” Does it hurt to say Jason’s old nickname for the boy? Yes. Does she draw satisfaction at how much he flinches? Also, yes.

Barbara chooses then to speak up.

“I don’t think that’s fair for you to say, Cass.”

She freezes. The fact that even Damian, who hardly knows her, does the same with the others means they know how huge an error they’ve made.

“Don’t call me that,” Cassandra snaps, voice desolate and lethal, thoughts squalling and refusing to calm down even as she buries her head in the book in her hands.

Barbara sighs and calls Dick away to discuss the mysterious hacker that’s been pulling information from them. Damian, seeming to recognise her desire to be alone, follows him. Good. Cassandra’s mind falls in and out of a lull as her eyes try to refocus. So, she caresses the edge of the apple reverently. In its reflection, tears run down her cheeks. She can’t feel them.

--

“The information breaches just keep searching for Batgirl,” Barbara says, snapping Cassandra from her stupor. She pulls up a list; every entry confirms Barbara’s statements. Every entry, that is, except for one that catches her eye. The text flashes brightly, making her head spin, and she can’t look away because printed in the bright neon text is-.

There’s a memory, one she’s locked in the far recesses of her mind, where things like the Joker and David and all her other demons live. She remembers Faizul asking who her mother is.

David smirks, a savage thing he does whenever he’s about to order her to do something (murder, as it turned out, then) and says:

Sandra Wu-San | Lady Shiva

The words blare in her mind, bouncing round and round and blocking out all sounds in the cave. It certainly explains a lot; only Shiva can read the body like a novel. Plus, Cassandra isn’t sure that assassin skills are genetic but having two master assassins as biological parents should factor somewhere. It also opens a new avenue of thought. Why? Why did she give her up and never look back? Why did she leave her with her monster of a father? Cassandra craves needs answers, and she needs them now.

Staring up at the name printed on the screen, Jason once asked himself the same questions.

While the others discuss what to do, Cassandra has already listed Shiva’s last known locations and activities. They don’t notice she’s going to leave until she revs the engine of her bike. She sees them open their mouths, but over the sound of the motor, their voices fail to reach her.

All except, somehow, for Alfred and if there is anyone in this family Cass will listen to; it’s the one Jay loved the most.

“If you do pursue her, Miss Cassandra,” The butler has never been unkind to her, yet she can’t help but feel like he’s trying to keep her in place. “I am not sure if you will find what you are looking for.”

She leaves anyway, soaring underneath the tresses of Gotham as they settle around her, the mist obscuring everything but her path forward.

--

“Damian probably landed in Gotham last week,” Rose says casually. Too casually, she realises. Jace side-eyes her and snorts in response. Damn him and his ability to pick apart what she’s asking. Four years constantly in one another’s presence would do that to people with his life experience. Yet, as much as Jason can read her, she can’t say she can do the same for him.

Something about him seems fragile, like plaster covering a beautiful and distracting collage. Rose wants to dig past that plaster, through the collage and see the mind that is Jason Todd.

She has seen him at his highest and lowest points and always makes sure to stay by his side, as she does now. He’s her best friend; he might not know it, but he’s kept her sane (reassurances her father will not find her come to mind) just as much as she’s done for him.

“What do you think of the new Batgirl?” This time, she means to be conversational. When they stumbled across the profile of Cass’ successor, Jace had shaken his head and laid out half-heartedly into a punching bag.

“I don’t hate her, if that’s what you’re thinking,” That response was… not unexpected. But, when she raises her hickory eyes, Jason has his head raised to the sky. “I looked into her, and – and she’s like us.”

Oh.

“Girl’s from the Narrows. Didn’t live on the streets, but from her background, her home life definitely wasn’t that great growing up either.”

His hand is trembling, so Rose grabs it and tries to keep him steady with all the power in her.

“She’s going to do Batgirl proud,” Jason says shakily. “I think you’d agree.”

They stand there, leaning on each other, tranquillity settling around them as Jace lets his tears flow. It occurs to Rose that she never let his hand go. She doesn’t plan to. The feeling makes her feel warm inside, and as much as she wants to go further, she also doesn’t want to push her best friend away.

In the distance, the outline of a jet approaches the runway they’re on. It is time.

“You ready?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I said yes.”

“Fair enough.”

“Hey,” Rose looks up at him, waiting for him to continue. “If anything goes wrong, I want you to stay out of sight of the others and get away from Gotham.”

Rose growls. “No way, there is no fucking way I’d leave you alone with them.” She steps closer, jabbing her finger on his chest. “I didn’t train with you for the past four years for it all to be thrown away just because Batman is an asshole. My dad’s just as bad, remember?

“You’re stuck with me no matter what Jace. Deal with it.”

He gives her a wry smirk that has her heart fluttering as much as her returning grin is sharp. Even as the plane touches down, she realises that he hasn't let her hand go, and neither has she.

In the next week, Red Hood and Ravager will carve their way through the deeper bowels of Gotham’s stomach, a bag of heads linking their iron fists.

For now, Rose breathes in the moist air as a drizzle begins.

--

Mad Dog, Cassandra muses, is a morbid reminder of what she might have become if she stayed with David. He doesn’t have her abilities, but he has more physical strength in spades; his movements are so strange, so unpredictable, that it’s not like it matters.

A deft swipe narrowly misses her throat, and Cassandra cuffs the man in the jaw with her knee, knocking him back.

She had definitely found Shiva. Tracked her all the way to some subset of the League of Assassins. The woman had only gazed coolly at her and set Mad Dog on her.

True to his name, the assassin growls and leaps at her, fury behind each of his strikes. Cassandra dodges one of these, the fist cratering the cement wall, and gets socked in the chest for her trouble. The force of the impact sends her flying metres away.

Getting up from the blow is a chore, and she can feel the agony her body is in, feels the blood run down her mouth as she rises. Her fist is shaking; her stance is uneven. Mad Dog notices, and he grins like David, drawing a jagged sword from his sheath and charges.

Cassandra darts past the assassin. She knows she can win this. Even though his movements are swift and deadly, she manages to outpace him. His sword strikes aim to draw blood as he swipes at her, but she’s still managed to weave her way around them, causing sparks to fly into the air. When he tries to hit her, she still uses his momentum against him and knocks him down.

Yet, Cassandra can feel herself getting slower now; her arms are still shaking. She dodges another strike, but it’s a feint, and Mad Dog grabs her by the hair and slams her onto the ground. Hazily, she watches his wicked grin widen as the assassin raises his arms and prepares his blade.

As Mad Dog is about to drive it into Cass’ chest, she thinks (This is it. It’s all over. It is time.) of a boy in an alleyway, an apple in his hand and a smile on his lips.

She closes her eyes and listens to the sprinkling outside.

--

“Do you think we were unfair to them?” Dick seems to ask to open air, but Bruce knows when his sons want a genuine response. “Like, that we didn’t give them enough credit for what they could do. And because of that, they’ve never had anyone but each other?”

Dick slumps. It looks so wrong on him that Bruce wraps his arms around him, especially careful (As a real father would. An insidious voice in his brain sneers). “Do you think, that if maybe we treated them so much better...” His boy is crying now, usually joyous lapis eyes cold and red-rimmed. “That they’d still be here?”

Bruce only grunts because not one of his answers is what Dick wants to hear.

On a slab of stone, the petals on the hydrangeas wilt, droplets dappling their edges.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[vdragon-creations]

My OC Danganronpa Class

What up!

You’d think that after i did this shit for the MHA fandom, I would not do this shit to myself again! But you would be wrong! Oh so wrong, as I am an artist that likes to put myself through pain! An Artistic Masochist if you will!

Anyhow. Just like I did when I made my OC’s for the MHA Fandom, I may as well do so for the Danganronpa Fandom too! What could go wrong? Right? 

My Class of Danganronpa OC’s are made up of 16 Characters! (My Main OC included!) And here’s a list of their talents, gender, personality, and maybe a brief description of them (If I’ve come up with a look for them in my head yet!) I wanted to be as unique with this group as possible when it comes to talent sets, but I also like clichés and tropes and think theirs nothing wrong with them as long as they’re used well and in an interesting fashion! None of these OC’s have names yet, and again grammar is non existent here! So with that out of the way, Let’s begin!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Cosmetologist- Name: N/A Gender: Male (Was born Female) Personality: He is someone who looks for the beauty in all people, be it cosmetic or otherwise! He wants to use his talent to make others feel happy and comfortable in their own skin, to bring out that inner beauty! He himself had to struggle for many years to feel comfortable with who he was, and through his love for the cosmetic arts, he was able to do that! He’s a very confident individual, and becomes very upset when someone starts to become self-deprecating or he sees someone putting down others! He’s not ashamed of himself at all, and will become quite serious when someone puts two and two together when they find out he’s trans. A kind of “Yeah, that’s right! What of it?” attitude. He can be very eccentric and poetic when talking about the things he loves, this includes people!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Match Maker- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: If you took a Multi Shipper and mixed them with a flaming pervert, then you’d have this guy! Despite him being a absolute god when it comes to finding love for others, his own love life leaves much to be desired. As such, he’s always ALWAYS hitting on the girls he speaks too! Even the one’s he’s helping to find love! He’s a horndog, but one can’t deny the man’s talent at finding love for others! He has a nearly 98% Success rate when it comes to his pairings, and a little over half of those end with the pair getting married or being together of many years! He’s very perceptive and is a master at reading body language, which gives him an advantage when choosing partners for others! Deep within that perverted exterior he puts on though, is a genuinely sweet guy who cares for the happiness of those around him! Why would he do what he does otherwise!?

Highschool Level Ultimate: Tattoo Artist- Name: N/A Gender: Female Personality: At first glance, she doesn’t seem like much more then your average Gunge Goth Chick with a thing for looking tired and and just over it. But that the opposite of what she’s actually like, sure she still speaks in a mostly tired and deadpan voice, but she a pretty warm person! She friendly to most everyone she meets, her first question usually being something along the lines of “Yo! Got any Tats?”. She very interested in seeing the tattoos of others and learning their story through them! She’s very gifted at her craft, All of her clients being 100% satisfied with the tattoo’s she makes! When listening to what they want, she’s says it’s almost like she can see their memories as her own, and is able to create exactly what they want! She’s always very chill, and it’s hard to piss her off, but if you hurt a friend of hers, oh! You’re gunna be getting a very unpleasant tattoo from her! The only other thing she can’t stand is when someone mocks another's tattoo. That’s someone’s story and feeling’s put into visual form, and thus she’s very protective of that! She also really hates the term “Tramp Stamp”! Description: She’s a very short and petite young lady who’s always wearing a hoody with the hood over her head. Her hair is platinum blonde and wavy, it always sticking out of the hood on the sides of her face. She has Steel Blue eyes that have very dark rings around them, a mixture of heavy eyeliner and just lack of sleeps. She’s wearing ripped jeans most of the time and sneakers and most of the time, has a lollipop, toothpick, or cigarette in her mouth.

Highschool Level Ultimate: Radio DJ- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: Loud! Very Loud! That’s the first impression he gives everyone! And it couldn’t be more accurate! This dude is a party animal! A love for all things music! He’s constantly listening to all the latest hits from all types of music, and loves all of it! One would never guess though that this crazy fellow also has a more chill side! But if you listen to Station 75.9 after 10 P.M. you’ll notice that this guy has quite a calming voice! At night, he runs a late talk show from his dorm at Hope’s Peak for the student body! He plays soft music like Jazz or Classical during this time for those who have a hard time sleeping or just need something going on in the background while they study for the next big test! He also brings in guests like fellow classmates, members of staff, or those that work close with them to be on his late show to answer any questions that the other students can call in and ask on air! He believes that all things can be bettered by the power of music, and wants to do that for the whole world!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Journalist- Name: N/A Gender: Female Personality: This young lady has some serious guts! With a passion for the truth and the wit to get the best stories for the student body of Hope’s Peak! She wants so badly to be a reporter and will do the best damn job she can! She’s the first one on the scene to anything happening on campus, and no one is safe from her detective like eyes! She can be a bit accusatory at times and seems to get a little too worked up over her job, which can make her come off as bossy or insensitive. She flustered easily by things that confuse her! Mostly that’s things like Machines or Men! Which is way she mostly writes everything down by hand and mainly only talks to ladies, and when she has to talk to guys, she tends to try and get to the point quickly to avoid a long conversation. This is why she always has her classmate with her to help with these kinds of situations!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Assistant- Name: Naya Yuno (Called Ladybug by most of her classmates and close friends!) Gender: Female Personality: Think of the shyest person you know, and times that by a million! She incredibly nervous around others, especially men! This is due to her unfortunate talent! This girl can be told to do or help with just about anything, and she will do it flawlessly without much protest. Now, this has cause several problems for her with being taken advantage of by a good amount of people in the past, her parents included. She she has a general distrust in most people, causing her rampant shyness. But, she still want to be useful and do good things to help others! So she mainly fallows her classmate, the Ultimate Journalist around. She helps her with interviews despite her shyness, as due to her talent and her orders, she HAS to obey. And if she has to be alone to complete a task, she puts in ear plugs to keep herself from being told to do anything else. But despite her orders, there’s one particular little Hall Monitor that no matter what, if she’s asked to speak too, she freezes and can’t speak too with out turning into a blushing flustered mess. Description: She’s a short girl with a rather nice figure! She’s got a strong pair of legs, as she’s always running in halls back and forth to complete her tasks quickly without interruption. She has long black hair held in a low hanging ponytail, tied with a white fluffy ball-like tie, and pair of Golden Brown eyes. She’s always seen wearing a modified School uniform with a noticeably longer skirt then the other girls and a pair of glasses.

Highschool Level Ultimate: Cheerleader- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: If you turned a Golden Retriever Puppy into a human being, you’d have this guy! A literal ball of sunshine and all that is good in this world! This dude kicks ass at gymnastics, Dancing, and singing! Kinda important when  you’re a cheerleader! He grew up with his older sister who is a very Famous and talented Cheerleader for a Sports team. He loved seeing her dance and put smiles on everyone’s faces, getting everyone so hyped! And he wanted to be just like her! Only problem...he was a guy, and guys aren’t supposed to do girly things...right? His sister wasn’t having it! she told him how in other parts of the world, male cheerleading is absolutely a thing, and that it didn’t matter what others thought1 He should just be himself, and have fun! So that’s what her did! He’s a very hard worker and is all about putting a spring in people’s steps! He gets upset if someone bashes him for his interest and will take none too kindly to those who mock him! It just pushes him to do more! 

Highschool Level Ultimate: Empath (Main OC)- Name: N/A Gender: Female Personality: This woman is like an saint! She’s kind, Patient, Caring, and always going out of her way to help others when needed! She’s only firm when she needs to get the job done, but she’s always doing so with a smile! However, don’t push it, cause even though she looks like a pushover, She’s got a will of iron and a smack that can make even the toughest of men tear up a little. And she’ll deliver the blow with that same smile! She hardly get’s any sleep, as she’s always in a state of unrest! So despite her chipper look, she’s actually pretty tired. And who could blame her? Her talent not only makes her deal with the emotions of others round her, but her own anxieties too! She avoids touching people at all coasts, as part of her talent allows her to feel exactly what the other person does just by being around them, but if she touches them, the feeling is increased and can lead to her having nervous breakdowns or even going into shock. She has to e super relaxed in order for this not to happen, but seeing how she’s always on the move, that’s just never really possible. She has a bit of a wild side too! As she used to have a BF before Hope’s Peak who was a biker! She love to dance, sing, drink, and just generally have a bombass time. However, after his death, and her starting work and schooling, she just....didn’t have the time or heart to have that kind of fun again! Sometimes she’ll have a slip up, like letting out a cheer when something great happens, Gushing over her peers, or even a little playful flirting here and there with a certain Fortune Teller.

Highschool Level Ultimate: Farmer- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: He’s the classes big bear man! He’s a gentle giant with a heart of gold! He works hard, cares for his friends, and wants nothing but the best for those around him! Being a farmer, he knows everything about plants, Livestock, the earth, and how to take care of it! He acts like a big brother for his class as he is quite wise for his age! He’s the first one to put an end to an argument by trying to get everyone to relax and just talk out there differences! He hates violence, and don’t take too kindly to people wanting to hurt his friends! He’s pretty intimidating when he get’s angry, and that’s normally enough to keep folks who might try to cause trouble away. Description: He’s quite a tall and big looking guy! He’s got short light brown hair that’s messed up, and thick hair that pokes out of the top of the flannel shirt he wears and that grows along his forearms. He wears dirty overalls and a pair of large steal toed boots. He had a large straw hat as well but only puts it on while he’s working, most of the time it’s just hanging off of his neck on his back. He’s got a bit of stubble on his chin too!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Pilot- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: He’s quite a perky young man! But only when he works on his plane or flying! Most of the time, he looks tired or miserable. Needless to say he hates having his feet on the ground! He’s often daydreaming about flying or just laying in the grass just staring into the clouds. He’s friendly for the most part, but unless you talk to him about something related to flying, odds are he won’t pay much attention to you! Flying just seems to be the only thing that helps him focus on....well, pretty much anything. Despite his lack of attention to most things though, he’s VERY smart! Not only is he a pretty skilled mechanic, but the dude is quite the Linguist! The guy knows Japanese, English, Spanish, German, Russian, and Italian! The only reason his classmates know this about him, is because he starts talking in another language when he starts getting bored in a conversation. He might seem distant to most of his classmates, or anyone really, but he does have a love for people, it’s just hard for him to focus on them, when there is a big old sky just out their waiting to be explored!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Hypnotist- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: It’s a little hard to say much about his personality when the man refuses to talk unless he’s using his talent! According to him, his voice is hypnotic to all who hear it, so he refrains from speaking. He’s a mysterious fellow that’s for sure! Apparently, he’s even so good at what he does that not even he is immune to his own talent, o much so that he keep a blindfold over his eyes at all time, so that when he uses his pendulum, he doesn’t enter into a trance as well! He’s quite helpful though, as if his classmates ever need to relax or need a nap and can’t sleep, he’ll gladly use his talent on them! He’s also capable of brainwashing people doing this, however he himself refuses to use it to make someone do something that would cause them harm or humiliate them!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Fisherman- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: This dude is an....odd one to say the least. He’s always telling stories about Ghosts, Monsters, Alien, and other stuff that he claims to have seen while out on the water! He’s a hugely superstitious person and is quite gullible, but the guy means well! He’s very knowledgeable when it comes to many forms of aquatic life and even has a pet Axolotl, that he claims to have saved it from being eaten by a Bigfoot while on one of his fishing trips! He’s likes to give “Good Luck” charms to his classmates anytime they’re about to do something stressful. They humor him and take the charms, just so his feelings aren’t hurt, the poor guy is just trying to help after all!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Comedian- Name: Autumn Miwa Gender: Female Personality: A ball of literal joy and sunshine! It’s nearly unheard of to see this girl sad or angry! She’s The Ultimate Comedian after all, and laughter and smiles are her MO! Pranks, Standup, Skits, Silly Outfits, Dancing, Jokes, Tickle Fights, Impersonations, Songs! You name it, this girl will do it to make someone laugh or crack a smile! She’s always the first to want to cheer someone up who looks like they’re not feeling so hot. She loves the sound of laughs an cheers and she gets all giggly herself when someone else is happy too! He favorite people to make smile, are the ones who always seem a bit shy or who don’t talk often, hearing those people snicker or giggle is enough to make her so energized that she could power an entire city for weeks! This said, she does know her place, when a situation arises that needs to be handled delicately, she’s more then willing to set aside her need to make the person smile in favor of just being there to comfort and hold them! This girl loves PDA, and has no problem with hugging or holding hands with some stranger! She especially loves it when they get they get a little sheepish about it, she thinks it’s adorable! There’s actually a sweet little Robocutie that she loves going in for sneak attack hugs and tickles, he always has the best reactions! However, deep down underneath this happiness, this poor girl is hiding quite the shocking secret. She suffers from a incurable and life threatening illness that will most likely kill her before the end of her late 40's. So, for now, she just wants others to enjoy her company and remember her as she is now! It's better that way!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Seamstress- Name: N/A Gender: Female Personality: Basically everyone’s idea of a grandmother in the form of a sweet young girl! She very gentle and kind, and has a need to make everyone around her comfortable! Warm clothes, Soft Blankets, Cute Plushies! She makes it all! She also makes warm cookies, though that has less to do with her talent and more to do with her general love for sweets! Though, as sweet as she is, she is also quite clever and tactful, and isn’t above a little bit of blackmail to get people to do what she wants. This is only done to people she may not care much for of course!  She LOVES AESTHETICES!!!! She has a mood board, one for each of her classmates that she always references from when making them something!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Actor- Name: N/A Gender: Male Personality: This guy is as dramatic as they come! He’s quite the overreactor, and tends to get super emotional over the smallest things, good or bad! For example, he once openly “proposed” to a girl in the middle of the Dining Hall, just because she was kind enough to let him have the last Dinner Roll that was left at the buffet table. And the other time he started acting like he would be raining fire and brimstone on a guy just because he accidently clipped him on the shoulder while trying to walk past him! He can be really exhausting to be around but is kind enough! Though, he does have a bad habit of accidently insulting others while trying to give compliments. Most of the time, he can be found practicing his parts for plays and movies alone in the gym. He adores dramas and tragedies most of all, even though he is more then capable of doing over forms of acting. This guy is a master at reading people, which is what makes him so good of an actor, he can sense deception from a mile away! So he’s a pretty hard person to fool!

Highschool Level Ultimate: Meteorologist- Name: N/A Gender: Female Personality: A small chucky lady who’s a sweet as candy! She’s a super smart young lady who loves the weather! She spends a lot of her free time collecting weather data and helping the folks in the greenhouse and gardens by giving them her findings so they can better their crops and protect them if needed. She has a fondness for rainy weather, but more so if it’s still sunny out while it’s raining! I has a huge obsession with Rainbows and Tornados, in fact one of her biggest dreams in life is to go on a real Storm Chase one day! Truly an adventurous young lady!

[fanficsaremylifeline]

Bodyswap

On AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891229

*****

Something on this last mission went horribly wrong. Tony hadn't even opened his eyes yet, but he could feel it; something was not right. There was nothing too unusual, when he eventually glinted through his eyes and looked around the quinjet. The mission went by relatively quickly; SHIELD called them to the Andes, where some Alien was literally breaking mountains apart. Tony had thought it an exaggeration, until he and the Avengers stood in front of the giant creature next to which even Hulk looked small. As much as Tony hated it, but the most apt comparison was a kind of humanoid centipede. There were a lot of arms and legs, too many for Tony's liking. The creature did use it's limbs to beat the Avengers up; he did get quite a few ugly blows in, Tony had to hand it that. His preferred method of fighting was a sort of purple glittery gel that it spewed at the six heroes; by the end of the fight they were covered from head to toe in that disgusting goo. Thank the heavens, it didn't smell.

But by now they were on the helicarrier, more or less cleaned up; SHIELD had the thing under lock and key. How they got the thing on the ship, Tony didn't know. And if he weren't that exhausted after the fight, he'd really would have liked to find out. All of them were unusually exhausted and they all had dozed off within minutes of taking flight. But, except for the last bit of goo dripping off them, everything seemed to be as it always was. Nat and Clint were lying half on top of each other as usual; Thor was sprawled out on a chair; Tony snored softly with his feet on Bruce's armrest.

Wait.

WHAT?

Tony still had to be dreaming, that was the only explanation for him to see himself on the other side of the room, while Tony looked like... Oh, they had to be fucking kidding him! As he looked down himself, he saw the red, white and blue suit of Captain America. And sure enough, there was the shield, propped up against his chair, covered in gel.

Tony repeatedly pinched himself, but sure enough, he was still stuck in this weird bizarro world.

“Jarvis?”

“How can I help you?”

Well, here goes nothing. “Who am I?”

“You are Steven Grant Rogers, better known as Captain America, born on the fourth of July 1918 in...”

Tony waved him off. Not even his own AI could recognize him... Whatever this was, it had to stop right fucking now.

“Up and at 'em”, he yelled, “CODE RED!”

Everybody stirred; Nat and Thor jumped up at Tony's  call looking ready and wide awake. Clint and that Tony-clone stirred a little slower, but they were also almost immediately alert clearly awaiting a mission report and orders. Steve was the captain after all, and with Tony apparently wearing his face... Bruce was the only one not waking up; but after hulking out that wasn't anything too unusual.

“WHAT? Who are you and why do you look like me?”, Nat cried out and took two steps towards Tony; well, tried to. Her staggering was about as graceful as a newborn deer on ice and after she had found her balance again she looked down herself and turned beet-red immediately. “Oh my god”, prompting a round of curses as everyone found themselves no longer inhabiting their own bodies.

“Guys. GUYS!”, Tony cried to get everybody's attention. “Guess I'm not the only one in the wrong skin. Let's do inventory. Tony here.”

“Clint.” The other Tony raised his hand and Tony could only groan that Katniss was in charge of his body.

“Nat”, came Thor's booming voice.

“And I'm Bruce”, Clint waved.

“Which'd make you Cap or Thor.” Tony turned to the still beet-red Natasha; from the level of apparent embarrassment, it was probably Rogers.

“Steve.” It was absolutely hilarious that Steve never-been-with-a-girl Rogers was now sporting Nat's body; thank the god of irony!

“That'd make me, well him, Thor”, Clint!Bruce pointed at his body.

“What the absolute fuck happened?”, Thor!Nat asked.

“No idea, but it's very weird to hear Thor swear”, Clint!Bruce observed.

“Weirder than Steve having boobs?”, Tony!Clint laughed and was promptly hit on the arm by Thor!Nat.

“HEY!”, Clint and Tony called out in unison. “Don't you dare bruise my body!”, the real Tony made clear, while the fake Tony rubbed his arm.

“I'm really sorry, Nat”, Nat!Steve apologized over and over again and crossed their arms tightly in front of their chest to cover as much as possible.

“Cap, we all know you've never been inside a woman before, but we have more urgent issues right now”, Tony shot over and turned to Clint. “You're Bruce, right?”

“Yes”, he nodded wide-eyed.

“Well, in your expert medical opinion, do you agree that this slime needs to be examined asap?”

“I do. My best guess would be maybe some psychic properties... Not quite sure. We need to talk to that... thing.”

“Yeah, I'll get right on that.”

“Why you?”, Nat!Steve asked.

“Because we all know that Fury trusts Cap more than anyone else”, Tony shot back with a shrug.

“Wait”, Tony!Clint interrupted. “You don't want to tell Fury what's going on here?”

“If we do that, we'll be SHIELD's guinea pigs”, Thor!Nat agreed with Tony. “Do you want to be locked in a lab, while they experiment on us?”

“Good point. So, I'll just be Tony then?”, he asked, and Tony didn't like that grin one bit.

“You couldn't be me in a million years”, he scoffed at his body.

“You wanna bet?”

“You're both pretty”, Thor!Nat interrupted the bickering, no time to soon, as the door opened and Fury walked in.

“Good you're up. You guys feeling alright?”

“Yeah”, Tony nodded, “just a bit banged up, but we're fine.”

“Good. So, slight change of plans”, he announced. “We'll drop you of in New York, before heading to SHIELD HQ with our special guest.”

“Do you mind if we tag along? I'd like to question that thing.”

“You've done your job, Cap, now SHIELD will do ours; we got it handled. Besides, you're under medical lockdown; Helen Cho is already informed that you guys came into contact with some unknown alien substance and that she needs to keep an eye on you. So far all our tests read it as not dangerous, but just to be sure.”

That would not do. “I'm fine”, Tony stated and promptly tripped over Roger's damn long legs. Fine, at first it might have felt not too bad in this body, with it being a super soldier one; or maybe because this body was 15 years younger than Tony's. But there was so much more body, especially height, to carry around...

“Yeah, I can see that”, Fury deadpanned. ”Still no. Until Cho clears any and all of you, you stay away from SHIELD or any other type of action. And that's an order.”

Damnit. Tony was dying to keep talking and bothering Fury until he got what he wanted. But he was Captain America right now and to not alert Fury, he should probably stand down. Fuck. “Yes, sir.” Ugh, Tony hated that. The other Avengers shot him wide looks, apparently just as surprised as Tony was about being able to take the command without bitching and arguing first. Tony still hated it.

“Good. We'll keep you in the loop”, Fury promised, as the carrier touched down at the Avenger's. “And don't forget Banner”, he added with a nod to Bruce!Thor, who was balled on the ground, fast asleep.

“Yeah, I'm... I mean he's just exhausted from hulking out”, Clint!Bruce explained.

“Right, Barton our resident Hulk expert”, Nick remarked drily. “Off you go and rest.”

Tony caught himself just in time before moaning something along the lines of “yes, mum”, but that would not be very Cap-like. But, in a rare moment of clarity, Barton rolled his eyes at Fury before groaning: “you're not my real Mum!” It was definitely something Tony would have said, but it was just so weird to see it himself talk, without being the one talking...

“Just get out, Stark.”

That he would. Tony!Clint strutted out, followed by Nat!Steve, Clint!Bruce, Thor!Nat carrying the unconscious Bruce!Thor and Tony, who was the last to step out, after nodding at Fury, before he followed the others into the common room. Nat put Thor down on the couch, gently putting a pillow under his head and a blanket over him.

“Should we leave him be?”, Steve whispered and Bruce just shook his head. “I... He is out like a light. Hulking out... Not even a bomb going off would wake me... I mean him.”

“Right.” Tony clapped his hands together. “First things first. I'm starving.”

“Yeah, that'd be the super metabolism”, Steve explained. No idea how to handle his female body, he changed the way he was sitting for the fifth time in the last thirty seconds.

“I swear to god, just sit alright?”, Nat growled at him. “You are driving me insane!”

“I'm sorry, I... I just don't want to be disrespectful.”

“So just sit your... my... ass down!”

As amusing as it was to watch, Tony had a very grumbly stomach to deal with. “JARVIS, order food please. I don't care what it is, as long as it's here quickly.”

“Of course Captain, your order has been placed.”

Ugh. It's been not even half an hour and Tony was already sick and tired of being called Cap.

But it was about to get so much worse.

The door opened and Pepper hurried inside. Tony already felt so much better as she smiled across the room and he was just about to walk up to her, when she took three big strides right into Barton's arms. “I'm so glad you're alright”, Pepper sighed, cupped his face and kissed him. Actually kissed him.

“What the FUCK?”, Tony yelled, staring at them with wide eyes.

“Hello Steve”, she greeted him, looking quite confused at his sudden outburst of emotion and swearing. “Since when do you mind a bit of PDA between a loving couple?”

“Oh god... That's not me, I am!”, he tried to explain the situation, but only helped to further the confusion. Pepper just looked at Clint who stared back with wide unblinking eyes, frozen to the spot and still in her embrace.

“Oh, for fucks sake!”, Tony groaned, “Barton. Let go of my girlfriend!”

Finally Clint moved, backed away from Pepper.

“What is going on?”, she demanded to know, looking from one Avenger to the next.

“No clue, hadn't have the chance o figure it out yet. We just woke up to some Freaky Friday type situation”, Tony explained.

“So... Who I just kissed was not...”

“That was Clint in my body, yeah.”

“So you're...” Pepper took a few careful steps towards Tony but stopped just before she could reach him.

“Yeah, it's me Pep.” Tony shot her a skew grin and would just die to take that last step towards her and give her a proper kiss. This whole situation probably gave enough cause for couples therapy without someone looking and sounding like Rogers kissing her though.

“Huh. Steve?”

“Here.” He raised his hand, waving shyly.

“Oh wow...”

“Tell me about it”, Thor's voice echoed through the room.

“Natasha?”

“Yeah... Thor's in Bruce and Bruce is in Clint.”

“Hi Pepper”, Bruce smiled over.

“I...” Seeing Pepper speechless was a unusually scary sight. Until she started laughing, loud and heartedly. As much as Tony loved that sound, right now he couldn't really enjoy it.

“I'm glad you're enjoying this”, Tony deadpanned.

“Sorry”, she chuckled. “I guess we can't celebrate the victory just yet?”

“I definitely don't want you to celebrate with this body.”

“And not with yours either, I suppose”, she smirked.

“Well”, Tony mused, “if you did, I believe I'd have earned the right to do Natasha-Steve over there...”

“Oh fuck no!”, Nat called out in Thor's booming voice. “Besides the obvious, Steve is already way to overwhelmed with my body.”

And cue Steve blushing so hard he matched his new hair colour.

“Right then. What did SHIELD say, do they have any idea how to reverse this?”

“We didn't tell them”, Tony admitted.

“What the hell, Tony. You kept all this”, Pepper gestures around the room, “from Fury?”

“If I told him, SHIELD would lock us up and... I don't know experiment on us and shit. We've got more than enough brainpower to figure something out.”

Pepper took a deep breath, before locking eyes with Tony again “Alright. If there's one thing I can trust it's your brain and that your batshit crazy ideas somehow seem to work out.”

“Yeah, I promise. We all want to get into our own bodies as quickly as we can.”

Jarvis interrupted them as he announced: “Food has arrived.”

“Oh thank god”, Tony sighed.

“Right. Dig in, make a plan and I'll be right here if you need me.”

“Thanks. I love you.”

Pepper just pulled her face into a grimace. “I know it's coming from you, but it's really weird hearing it from Steve.”

“I bet”, Tony chuckled. “Under these circumstances I'd be fine with you saying it back to Steve's face.”

“I love you too, Tony”, she smiled, stressing the Tony, and brushed his shoulder as she walked past him and out of the room. And Tony could only stare after her, quite aware of the dopey lovestruck grin on his face, but didn't care who saw it.

“Ehem.” A collective harrumph brought Tony back into a reality where he was still stuck inside Capsicle's body, while Clint inhabited his.

“Right then...” Tony cleared his throat and turned to himself. “Since you're me, you get to pay. Don't fight it”, he shot back as Clint motioned to argue. “I'm being merciful here after watching you kiss Pepper. So, get the food, pronto.”

“Yes, Captain”, Barton shot back and headed for the door.

“Right and we should figured out whether we'll be honest with Cho, because I imagine she'll drag our asses to the infirmary any moment now”, Nat threw in, before glaring menacingly at Steve, who once again shifted in his seat, but stilled as soon as he saw her stare.

“I vote yes”, Banner suggested. “We could use another doctor and I'm sure she would be confused as to why Clint and Steve worked in the lab with her.”

“Good point”, Steve nodded. “I still feel wrong lying to Fury...”

“Only until we've figured out what's wrong. We need to head to DC asap anyway to talk to that alien; by then we'll hopefully know what we're dealing with”, Tony shrugged and gratefully took a pizza box out of Clint's arm as he walked back in. “Agree?”, he asked, already half a slice of pepperoni pizza in his mouth.

“Agree”, Steve nodded. “I really don't mean any disrespect but I'm very much uncomfortable in this body...”

Before Tony or Clint could make some more comments, Helen walked into the room. “Hey, I thought Fury told you to come straight to the medbay!”

“Hello Helen”, Tony greeted her with his mouth full of pizza, “we were gonna come down right after dinner.”

“Tony, please don't talk with your mouth full, especially with a lady”, Steve reprimanded him, before turning to Cho. “I'm sorry, we're still practising manners.”

“Alright, but why call him Tony? And since when do you care about that?” Helen looked from Tony to Steve, the questionmark on her face growing.

“Because I'm Tony”, he answered.

“And I'm Steve. And they're all jumbled up as well.”

“You don't expect me to believe that, do you?” Cho looked like every teacher Tony ever had, who got to listen to his excuses. He used to be quite creative with that, but body swap never occurred to him...

“The first time we met, you stitched up a cut on my leg I got in a knife fight with a perv who thought he could have his way with me”, Nat recalled to prove her identity.

“Natasha?” Her jaw was on the ground as she looked at Thor!Nat with wide eyes.

“Hi Helen...”

“Why the fuck didn't Fury tell me about this?”

“Because we didn't tell him”, Bruce admittedly meekly as he took a few careful steps towards her. “I'm Bruce, by the way.”

“And why the fuck wouldn't you tell him?”

“Because we don't want to end up locked up in a SHIELD lab, where they treat us like guinea pigs. With Tony, me and you, we can run all the tests on us, this weird goo and figure out a way to reverse this.”

“So you want me to lie to Fury.”

“It's just... We're going through enough shit as it is”, Tony explained. “I just got to watch my girlfriend kiss Clint and we have the thundering, blundering Thor inside Bruce, which just screams constant hulk-outs. Locking us up at SHIELD won't help anybody, especially not us.”

Silence fell over the room as Helen looked from Avenger to Avenger. “Fine”, she sighed eventually and exasperated threw her hands up in the air. “Just don't get me fired.”

“Not gonna happen, I promise. Thank you, so, so much! It's all gonna be fine, promise.”

“I'll hold you to that”, Helen made clear and pointed at Tony, “and trust me, you don't want to piss me off.”

“Yeah”, Tony gulped, taking a timid step back, “I got it.”

“Good. To the lab then.”

“But... pizza!” Tony had basically inhaled half a pizza already, but he still felt like he was starving.

“Supermetabolism”, Steve explained.

“Ah”, she nodded. “Fine. Then everybody who's not starving with me.” And, with Steve, Bruce and Clint on her heel, Helen waltzed off, leaving Thor passed out on the couch and Tony and Nat gorging themselves on pizzas. At least Nat felt like he did, with a supermetabolized body.

.

“You guys can shower first”, Helen greeted them as they staggered in, carrying the unconscious Thor while trying not to trip over the annoyingly long legs of their new bodies. Tony had to admit, Natasha handled that giant mountain of muscles a lot more graceful that Tony did... “I got enough samples of the goo for plenty of testing.”

The others had already showered, sitting in jogging trousers and SI sweatshirts on the patient beds. Steve had wrapped himself up completely, hiding all of Nat's curves. Bruce was bent over a microscope, already having started the first tests and Clint had his feet propped up against the wall, reading a magazine.

“Right then”, Tony nodded and carefully, as to not trip too much, he made for the bathroom.

“DON'T LOOK!”, Steve yelled and Tony couldn't help his snorted laugh. “Trust me, I wasn't planning on it.” With that, he disappeared in a shower stall.

.-.-.-.-.

“So”, Helen stated, as she glanced over all the test results. “I can't tell you anything about the glibber yet, but all the tests I ran on you guys... Well, they're spectacularly unspectacular. Your results are in accordance with the body you're inhabiting.”

“Well, nice to know that my body is at least healthy, even though Legolas is running it.”

“You kidding me? I love being in a body that can hear!”, Clint grinned back. “No more hearing aids!”

To stop them from starting a fight, Nat just growled at them and they were quiet. Even though she would probably be respected a lot more in this body, it was nice to know that those two were afraid of Natasha, not Thor's body.

“Thanks for the hint”, Bruce smiled over, reached to his ear and shut off the aids.

And Nat just burst out laughing. She couldn't blame him; those guys were just so damn whiny; if she had the possibility to switch off any hearing, she'd do the same. Huh, she never asked, if Banner knew ASL... “You alright?”, she signed and he smiled back with a nod.

“Sick of the whining.”

“Tell me about it. Lucky you for Clint's body then!” She grinned and Bruce just started laughing.

“At least this one is only 7 years older than mine, not 1500.”

“I don't mind that so much, but it's so damn big and different. Not gonna lie, bathroom was a little tricky earlier.”

“Come on, you got it so much harder when you're not in the wrong skin.”

“Guys, don't discriminate us”, Tony moped, looking from Nat to Bruce.

Clint was still sprawled out on one bed, nose in a magazine. “They're just saying that my body is better than Thor's or Nat's”, he commented, barely looking up at them.

Steve looked over at Tony. “We should probably learn ASL...”

“What's going on?” Bruce locked eyes with Nat.

“More whining”, she grinned back and with a chuckle, Bruce went back to his microscope.

“So, physically everything is normal?”, Steve asked again as he turned to Cho.

“Yeah, why? Something wrong?”

He just shrugged. “I feel kinda weird.”

“The results are all perfectly normal for Natasha”, Helen explained, after double checking her notes. “You do have a bunch of new body parts, maybe you just need to get used to that. If you're still not well by tomorrow or it gets worse, I'll check you again, alright?”

“Sure thing”, he nodded and wrapped the blanket a little tighter around himself.

“Natasha, please tell Bruce to switch the aids on again, I'll need his help to hook you guys up to the computers, so I can run tests on your brainwaves.”

She signed at him and Bruce went back to hearing and to work and in no time, Nat and the guys had all sorts of cables stuck to their heads. And the biologists went nuts over their results, comparing data and throwing technical terms around. All that wouldn't be that unusual, if it weren't all coming from Clint's mouth.

“Dude, this is so bizarre”, Clint whispered over. “I mean, I know it's not me, but...”

“But it sounds and looks like you”, Nat finished his sentence.

“I know how you feel, Barton”, Steve threw over, nodding at his body, discussing something or other with Cho. “Bizarre doesn't even begin to cover all this.”

“How are you guys doing?” Nat didn't even hear the door opening, until Pepper walked up to them and sat herself on Nat's bed.

“The bodies are healthy”, she recapped, “the nerds are currently trying to decipher our brainwaves.”

“I might be slightly biased, but you are in quite capable hands with those three”, Pepper smiled.

“No bias, very true facts”, Steve agreed.

“Well, Clint.” She turned to him and Nat could see how much she was weirded out by her boyfriend's body keeping its distance. “I believe I owe you an apology for me throwing myself at you earlier.”

“There's no need to apologize, how were you supposed to know that it wasn't Tony... Still, in the fear of crossing a line here, Tony is a lucky guy”, he grinned, blushing just the slightest bit.

“I think I can appreciate that compliment.”

“Hi Pepper.” Tony turned around and smiled widely at her, all dopey and lovestruck, a look Nat did not remember ever seeing on Cap's face.

“Tony”, she smiled back, “you're making progress?”

“Not really”, he admitted. “this is gonna take a while...”

“Alright, that means that Clint and you are in a bit of a pickle.”

“Why?”

“Because you, dear, have a presentation.”

“Can't you reschedule?”

“I tried, all day but nope. You'll have to go through that...”

Bruce waved over. “I have a lecture in three days.”

“And I have an appointment at the Department of Education”, Steve finished summing up all the impeding appointments.

“So, me and Bruce are fucked”, Tony summarized.

“Hey, I can do a great you”, Clint shot back.

“And I don't know that you'd be that convincing a Cap”, Steve added.

“I already fooled Fury.”

Once again, Nat got them to shut up with a nice, thunder-godly growl, before smiling back at Pepper. “We're gonna get these guys into shape, don't worry about that.”

“If I didn't have you”, she beamed and put her hand over her heart.

“Us girls just got each other's back”, Nat chuckled, aware how weirdly bizarre that must sound in Thor's deep voice.

“Wait”, Tony interrupted the women. “Cap, your Department of Education appointment... It doesn't happen to be in DC, does it?”

“It is”, Steve nodded. “Day after tomorrow.”

“Perfect”, Nat grinned, “you can go to SHIELD!”

“I don't suppose Fury'll let you measure that thing's brainwaves...”

“He will most probably not”, Tony agreed with Bruce and went back into technical terms and Natasha didn't even bother trying to follow what they were coming up with. Instead she shot Pepper another smile and leaned back on her bed.

If everything went completely perfect, she'd be back in her own body in two days time, on Thursday. And no time to soon; Steve really didn't look all that hot... He hadn't said it, but Nat knew her body well enough to recognize all the little signs that he was not only uncomfortable in the female skin but in pain as well. And, doing the Math, it was that time a month...

“Helen?”, Nat called over, interrupting the scientists. “Got a hot water bottle and some painmeds?”

“Of course, what's wrong, Natasha?”

“It's not for me”, she assured Helen and nodded over at her body. “Cramps.”

“Yeah, of course.” Cho started rummaging through a drawer, as Steve looked over at Nat, moving to ask the obvious question.

“I know my body”, she answered pre-emptively.

“Right”, he nodded and stopped the fight against giving in to the pain. “But I thought nothing's wrong with this body?”

“You're not gonna like this”, Pepper shrugged, “but the body is working like it's supposed to.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Omigod.” Tony looked from Pepper to Nat, who both decided to ignore him in favour of the super soldier, who still hadn't gotten that he was on his period.

“It means that you picked a hell of a week for this body swap”, Helen chuckled.

“What do you... Oh.” The penny seemed to have dropped as his eyes went wide and he blushed even more than Nat knew her body could blush.

Steve ignored everybody staring at him and grabbed the hot bottle Helen held out to him. “Thanks.”

“Of course”, she smiled. “I also got some pads down here.”

“Those aren't the things that go inside...”

“No”, Nat interrupted him, “just the underwear. And you'll wear them, or you get to buy me a whole new wardrobe”, she added with the fake-sweetest grin.

“Cap. You don't have to answer if you don't want to”, Tony asked. “But... Did they teach sex-ed back in the day?”

“Tony, they didn't teach sex-ed when we were in school, hell, in many schools they don't even teach it today”, Bruce answered in Steve's place.

“Good point”, Tony nodded.

“You guys gonna teach Steve about what it's like to menstruate, right?”, Nat shot back and was happy to see Helen and Pepper with similarly pissed off expressions on their faces, at which the guys shied back. “Thought so”, she grumbled before turning to Steve. “Pain, moodiness and cravings, that's pretty much what you can expect. You're lucky, my cramps normally don't get that bad, so you'll be alright.”

“Not that bad?”, Steve cried out. “You mean this could get worse?”

“Oh, honey”, the three women answered in unison and just shook their heads.

“Would you like me to explain to you what is currently happening to your body?”, Helen asked with the fakest smile.

“It feels like my innards are liquidizing themselves.”

“That's pretty much what's happening”, Pepper nodded.

“How do you do this every month?”, he moaned and winced, clutching his stomach.

“You know it's just starting, right?”

“If I ever spoke bad about women, I take it all back and I am eternally sorry.”

“We are all so grateful”, Nat deadpanned and looked back at Cho. “Fun week ahead of us.”

“I'm a bit scared to interrupt”, Bruce threw in, “but it looks like my body is waking up...” He pointed over at the bed Thor occupied and man, was that necessary right now? Was one overemotional superhuman not enough?

“He's on you”, she made clear, “I already got my hands full with that”, she added with a nod to the curled up Steve.

“Fair enough”, he shrugged and walked up to Thor, who groggily opened his eyes.

“Clint, friend, what happened?”, he asked in his dazed confusion.

“Thor, I need you to just stay calm. Do you remember the fight?”

“I do.”

“Well, something happened to us, we don't know what yet, but we all woke up in the wrong body.”

“This is preposterous”, Thor answered. His authoritative and confident tone was definitely unusual look for Bruce's usually so restraint and quiet self.

“You are currently inhabiting the body of me, of Bruce Banner. Which is why I need you to stay calm as to not hulk out on us”, he explained and slowly it seemed to dawn on the god. He looked down himself, down the much smaller body and shit, as realization hit him, a slight green shimmer flickered on his face.

“Buddy, everything's alright”, Bruce kept on repeating and shooting Thor a warm and reassuring smile. “We're at the tower, Helen already made sure that we're not hurt and we have everything we need to find a cure. And that is a promise”, he added emphatically.

“I trust you, friend”, Thor eventually got out and his skin went back to its normal hue.

“Thanks”, Bruce smiled.

“Though I am starving”, he remarked.

“Yeah, that's from hulking out.”

“It is truly a weird sensation...”

“It is just as truly a weird sensation to hear Bruce talk like that”, Clint chuckled, prompting Thor to turn around to the Avengers.

“That's Clint”, Bruce explained, “Tony is in Steve, Steve in Nat and Natasha is currently inhabiting your body.”

“That is... confusing”, Thor goggled, eyeing his body curiously.

“I know”, Nat agreed.

Thor's face just broke into a wide smile. “I am glad then, that a warrior of fierceness, swiftness and strength such as you, Natasha, is taking care of my body. It is an honour”, he added and Nat couldn't help the proud smile spreading over her face.

“Thank you, Thor. I will do my best to honour your being.”

“I have not a single doubt. I propose further convening after dinner, though.”

“Sure. If the doc's ok with it, us non-sciency Avengers can scour the kitchen.”

“Yes”, Helen nodded, “get Thor something to eat and we'll do our job.”

“Thank you, doctor”, Thor smiled as he got off the bed. “This body is slightly smaller than what I am used to”, he remarked after catching his balance again.

“Don't worry”, Bruce laughed, “you'll get used to it.”

.

After dinner, Thor retired rather quickly to his room, being still exhausted from hulking out. Clint was busy texting with Laura, explaining why he wouldn't call or come home these next few days.

Sitting by herself wasn't something Nat was keen on right now, though. Yes, she was used to being isolated, being on her own but ever since she joined SHIELD and now the Avengers, she got used to enjoy having people by her side.

So she went down to the lab, where Bruce was typing around on a keyboard. Steve was still curled up on the bed; he had refused to move earlier and Nat had just managed to catch herself before calling him a wuss. By now he was fast asleep though and Bruce was working by himself. He seemed to have switch the aids off again, he didn't hear Nat walking in and jumped as she suddenly stood in front of him.

“Sorry, I didn't want to scare you.”, Nat apologized and sat down on a chair on the other side of the experimenting table.

“That's alright”, he smiled, “I just prefer to work in silence.”

“Can't blame you... Where are Tony and Helen?”

“Tony went to get some supplies from his labs for the brain wave scanner he's building and Cho has an appointment tonight.”

“And how are you?”

He smiled tiredly. “No idea. I'm comparing brain waves and feel like screaming in frustration, but I don't want to wake Steve. What about you?”

“Just wanted to check on you. You do look like you could do with a break.”

“Yeah, well I feel like I could do with my own body”, he retorted.

“Yeah... Watching Steve like this”, she halfheartedly nodded at him, “is really unnerving...”

“In a weird way I know how you feel... Watching Thor almost hulk out earlier was strange to say the least.”

Nat couldn't help but laugh at them bonding over their bodies being unpredictable wrecks and the guys going through all that, infecting Bruce.

“Listen”, he signed after a while, looking all sombre and earnest. “I still owe you an apology and somehow it feels easiest to do that without talking and while you don't look like yourself... Probably I'm just a coward.”

What was he talking about? “First of all I don't think you're a coward, and secondly I have no idea what you want to apologize for. But, if it'd make you feel better, you can apologize to me again when we're wearing our proper skins.”

“I might just do that”, Bruce smiled. “But still. I don't think I ever apologized for Hulk almost killing you, back when we had Loki on the ship.”

Bruce had not. And Natasha didn't want him to; she did her all to forget that day being dragged across the helicarrier to her certain death, if it hadn't been for Clint... As sure as Natasha was that she wanted to get back into her body, she knew that she wanted nothing less than talking about that.

“I'm so sorry, Natasha, I can't even...”

“Please don't”, she interrupted, “please just... don't.” Ugh, Natasha hated feeling and sounding weak, maybe even more now that she was in a skin embodying strength and power. But if they started talking about that, she'd probably just break down and that was something she needed even less than this blond mess on her head.

Bruce was silent, looking at her with wide eyes. With Clint's wide eyes; the face she couldn't lie to.

“Can we please not talk about that? I appreciate what you're trying to do, but please no.”

Bruce nodded, still looking like a kid that just witnessed their parents fight for the first time.

Just as he motioned to answer, Tony walked back in, his arm full of tools and wires and shit. “Romanoff, you wanna help out?”

“Sure thing”, she forced herself to grin at him, just catching Bruce's face falling before he, too, forced a smile. Tony didn't seem to notice anything; Nat ran into him in his mechanic-moods often enough to know that all Tony managed to focus on was the project on hand and his coffein intake.

“I'll leave you to your work”, she signed to Bruce, Tony probably already forgot she was there, buried between wrenches and screws and cables. She wouldn't even put it past him to have forgotten he was in the wrong body. There was no malice, his brain was just focused on his work right now.

“Sure thing”, Bruce answered, “talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah”, she nodded and the smile she shot him as she walked past wasn't even all that forced.

“Yo”, she patted her body on the shoulder. “Rogers, wake up.”

“What's happening?” He almost immediately sat up and cased his surroundings, only relaxing when he realized where exactly he was. “Hey. I assume I didn't dream all this confusion up and you're actually Natasha.”

“Yup”, she nodded and helped Steve on his feet. “Come on, let the nerds do their job and I'm sure you'll sleep better in your bed.”

“Sounds right”, he agreed as they walked back upstairs together, but he stopped awkwardly before heading to his room.

“What's wrong?”

“I don't want to sound like a stereotype but I really feel like chocolate or something...”, he admitted with a nervous blush.

“Right. Hunk-a-hulk-a-burning-fudge is my go-to craving-remedy.”

“Sounds good to me”, he agreed and a few moments later they sat criss cross on a couch, a container of ice cream between them, the only sound being the clinking of spoons for a while until Steve's snorted laughter broke the silence. “This is so fucked up.”

“Steve!” Nat could not remember ever hearing Steve swear, let alone use the F-word!

“I can't in good conscience let Natasha Romanoff go for that long without swearing”, he grinned back and gobbled up another spoon of ice cream.

“Aw, Steve”, she cooed, “ that is so sweet of you! Unfortunately, I believe your body has sworn more in the last six hours than it did in the last six months...”

“Probably”, he laughed, “but Stark deserves it. I mean he, Helen and Bruce are the ones to get us out of this mess, so if it helps his genius-process, let him swear away.”

Nat chuckled and enjoyed some more of the ice cream and took the chance to really take herself in. When would she ever get the chance to properly inspect her body like that?

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

“You got my face there”, she shrugged. “And I don't know, it's interesting to see myself from the outside.”

“I get that appeal, though I assume for an outsider it looks like Thor's oggling Natasha”, Steve shot back with a skew grin.

“Can't blame him”, Nat snickered, “I look good.”

“I feel compelled to thank you for that compliment...”

“You really never looked better.”

.-.-.-.-.

“CODE GREEN!”

Alarms going off all around ripped Bruce out of uneasy dreams. He never heard that one before; and after having fallen asleep crouched over his desk, his brain took a moment longer than usual to start.

“SHIT!” Tony was quicker to react, from the looks of it he probably hadn't gotten even five minutes of sleep. “JARVIS, Hulkbuster!”

Oh. Well, made that made sense given that it was called 'Code Green' and that Bruce had never heard of it; with him usually being the one causing the alarm... He hurried after Tony, and not even Clint's much fitter body managed to keep up with Steve's long legs. They were barely up the stairs, when Bruce heard the growls and screams he only knew from recordings, videos and his nightmares.

To see Hulk – himself – like that was so much worse than he'd hoped it be. Pure rage and hatred emanated from Hulk as he smashed his way around the giant living room.

That was him; that was Bruce right there. He felt all the colour draining from his face and if he didn't have a wall right behind him to lean on, he'd probably have dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Bruce could only stare with wide eyes, as the Iron Legion cornered Hulk, making it all a million times worse.

It took a couch crashing against the wall just beside  him to get Bruce out of his trance. Right. Bruce had caused the Hulk, maybe he could just calm Thor.

“Hey buddy”, he tried to smile as he walked up to Hulk, doing all he could to ignore the jelly-like feel of his knees.

“Bruce”, Tony whispered, “do you really thing this is a good idea?”

“Yes, please don't get my body broken”, Clint hissed, but Bruce decided to ignore them both; except for motioning for Tony to get the Legion out the way.

“Thor, I know it's weird to be in this body. And I know it's terrifying.” He walked up to him with his palms out and locked eyes. “But that's alright. We're all terrified, but at least we are all in this together. So please, my friend. I'm asking you to trust me.” With that he held out his hand and either he'd be smashed or they'd get Thor back. If Bruce was being honest,  he wouldn't mind either option.

But doubt came over Hulk's face and Bruce could watch the rage slowly dropping as Hulk looked down on Bruce's (well, Clint's) hands. “It's alright, buddy”, he assured him again with a smile, that wasn't even forced.

And the giant green hand came down. Not in a fast punch, but gently, Hulk put his hands in Bruce's, and the green colour started to fade. “Listen, I know you're gonna feel bad now, but I'm here. I got you, I promise.” And the transformation started. This was gonna be a bad thing and definitely not pretty. Bruce barely remembered turning back; often he just came to again in ripped or – mostly – no clothes, in a usually smashed building and no recollection of the last how ever long it was that he had been terrorizing people around him.

Hulk – or was it Thor already? - began to scream and buck, as every muscle in his body spasmed. His skin flashed between deep green and Bruce's normal less than white skin colour, as he curled himself together and shrunk down. “I'm right here, you're gonna be alright”, Bruce kept on reassuring Thor, who was going through some pretty painful shit right now. He knelt by his side and kept his hand on Thor's shoulder who did look almost completely human by now. Looking over at Bruce with wide eyes, there was only a last glimmer of green flickering over his skin, which too, quickly faded away.

“Friend, what happened?” It was barely a hoarse whisper, but more than Bruce usually managed to get out after hulking out.

“You just hulked out on us”, he explained, “but everything is alright again.”

“I am so sorry!”, Thor apologized over and over again, “I truly am.”

“Don't worry about it. Happens to the best of us”, Bruce added with a grin, before he turned to the Avengers. “Can someone get some clothes for the god of thunder?”

Only now Thor realized that Bruce's pyjamas he had borrowed did not survive the hulking activities and blushed immensely. “My apologies, dear friend, for bringing your body into such improper circumstances.”

“Please, nothing I haven't seen yet”, Bruce chuckled, before Clint threw bunch of clothes in their directions, which Thor gratefully took.

“Gotta say”, Tony nodded and patted Bruce's shoulder as Thor dressed himself, “could use you around for every unplanned hulk out.”

“Uh yeah...”

“Friend Stark is right”, Thor smiled, dressed again and most his wits collected. “Thank you, from the bottom of my... well, your heart”, he added with a chuckle.

“Of course”, Bruce smiled back, well, tried to smile back. All that just happened hit him like a wrecking ball and as grateful as he was about Thor being – more or less – himself again, a part of Bruce wished he'd never seen this. Yes, Hulk never had been some purely theoretical being that just took over every time Bruce blacked out, all the pain and destruction was very real, but being face to face with this rage, this monster; this monster that was him...

“Get him something to eat, as much calories and sugar as you can get; Thor's gonna need that”, Bruce instructed. “And you need to rest”, he added in Thor's direction. He could barely look at the tired and exhausted face smiling over at him; the face of the deadly killing machine that caused so much harm.

Bruce had to get out of there, needed a place where he could break down in private, and that as quickly as possible.

Fussing over Thor, nobody seemed to notice him slipping out. He made for upstairs, for the roof; fresh air was what he needed, and maybe no one would go looking for him there. Though it was more staggering than anything else, Bruce made it up, stumbling out the roof door and all but collapsed on the cement floor.

But not even out here, with all that fresh air, he could breathe. It felt like someone kept on tightening a vice around his chest, constricting, squashing his innards... Being out of breath was the only thing keeping him from screaming his lungs out, cry out all that anger, fear, the pain, especially that shame and self-loathing.

Slowly Bruce crawled forward; blinded by emotions he wasn't even sure where he went, but maybe, if he moved, his body would go back to listening to him... Who was he kidding, this wasn't even his body! It wasn't his body that scraped itself bloody on the rough concrete, it wasn't his body that felt sick with hatred and hurt; it wasn't his body that just wouldn't let him die...

Oh.

Bruce could die in this body; he could actually die... And there would be nothing; no pain, no Hulk, no hatred...

Somehow he got to a wall, leaned against it and just let all the thoughts and feelings flow; he had no strength in him to fight all that; what little strength he had left Bruce had to focus into not suffocating and not throwing up. He wouldn't fight the tears any more, that was a lost cause so he let the tears roll off his cheek and took a deep breath.

He could die. But he'd also kill Clint's ride in the process. Clint didn't seemed to be bothered by a different skin that much though... He just was that type of person that rolled with the punches and made the best out of a bad situation. And besides, he'd keep all his skills with bow and arrows, he could be the shooting Ironman or something...

Yes, Hulk would still be around, but it wouldn't be Bruce's problem. If his conscience would let him get through with that though... Who cared, Bruce'd be dead, he wouldn't have a conscience any more!

“Penny for your thoughts?” Blinded by his tears, Bruce didn't even bother to look up at who walked up to him. He didn't need to; Thor's booming voice was unmistakeable. Of course, Natasha had followed him up here. She knew Clint after all, better than anybody else did. All the little tells, they were as obvious to her as a neon sign.

“I'm not that cheap.”

“Good”, she chuckled, “don't sell yourself short.”

Bruce was not in the mood for small talk, he just wanted to be left alone. “What are you doing here?”

“Enjoying the view”, she shot back, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “And you?”

“Take a wild guess.” Balled on the ground, with tears running down his cheeks and his knees and hands scratched and bloody, it really wasn't that hard a conclusion.

“You want to talk about it?”

Bruce just shook his head. He got it now; he got why Nat wouldn't accept his apologies, wouldn't want to talk about Hulk. That face... His face was just such a hate-filled grimace, no signs of humanity, not even the slightest bit. Bruce was pretty sure that the only reason he had managed to calm Hulk down earlier was because he had Thor inside. As quick as Thor was to anger, he was even faster to calm and trust those he held close. If Bruce had been in there... It would have been a very different story.

“Listen”, Nat continued, “I know I said I didn't want to talk about it. But I also know that you're hurting and... I don't know, man, I'm just worried about you.”

“Why? Cause I got to see what kind of killing machine I really am?”, he shot back and looked up at her. “Cause I had to once experience what you live through every time the big guy's around?”

“Is that what's going through your head right now?”

Screw this. “You were right, about not wanting to talk about it”, Bruce scoffed, letting all the bitterness sound through. He was still a little weary on his knees as he got up and walked past her to the door. Well, maybe she did deserve to know what he was thinking, if only for him to be affronting. So, before the door closed behind him, he turned around one more time and locked eyes with her. “What's actually going through my head, is that in Clint's body, I could actually die”, he stated honestly, turned around and behind him the heavy door closed with a loud echoing bang.

.-.-.-.-.

“Boss.” JARVIS' voice ripped Tony away from his work. And he hated nothing more than being interrupted whilst mid-project

“What?”, he grunted, barely looking up from the circuitry.

“Your phone has been ringing for the last ten minutes.”

“Huh?” Properly looking up and even putting his screwdriver down, he heard the repeated beeping of his phone.

“It is Colonel Rhodes”, J informed him.

Well, he wouldn't want to let his Platypus wait! “Put him through, then.”

“Finally”, Rhodey's voice echoed through the lab, “I know you love watching the line blink but I might just take this personally.”

“Darling, you know I love you more than any blinking line”, Tony grinned back, “I'm just busy in the lab, is all.”

“And why do you sound like Steve?”

“As if you don't know”, he scoffed back and was a little miffed that he couldn't shoot his friend the death glare through a voice call, especially when Rhodey started laughing only moments later. “Well, happy you're having fun with this bullshit.”

“Sorry”, he chuckled, “I really am. Yes, Pepper told me and maybe, just maybe, I am kicking myself for being on a business trip right now. I don't suppose you'll still be sporting the latest Super-Soldier-body next week?”

��Not if I've got anything to do with it”, Tony made clear. “I get to interview that thing Thursday, building a brainwave reader right now. And then we'll see.”

“Sounds like a plan. So, how are you doing?” And like that, Rhodey's voice went from totally amused and a little bit mocking to supportive and understanding.

“Well, I already got to watch as Pepper kissed my body, even though Barton was inside and I'm wearing the skin of the man that fucked up my childhood. How do you think I'm doing?”

Rhodey was besides Pepper the only person, Tony didn't even think before speaking; not telling the truth didn't even occur to him when talking to his honeybear.

“I get that... Maybe you should talk to Steve, let him know.”

“Well, he's definitely got bigger problems than my unresolved daddy issues, which aren't his fault. He was dead then, there's nothing he can do”, Tony sighed. It was a little unfair of him to hate Steve the way he did. Well, it probably wasn't hatred any more, but still.

“Do you want me to come home?”

What now? “Rhodey, I'm a grown man. I'm not some fifteen year old college student any more.”

“My duty of care did not end the day you turned 18, or 21. That duty will extend to the day either of us bow out. Well, until you do. Because rest assured if I die before you – and that's a big if – you can bet your pretty ass I'll haunt you if you don't look after yourself, so let me ask again: do you need me to come home?”

“Oh, honeybear!”, Tony cooed and he was admittedly a little lost for words and tearing up just a little bit, which he would vehemently deny if accused of that. “You don't. But I can't even tell you how much I love you for offering just that.”

“I love you, too. There's just one concern...”

“Yes?”

“Just because this body you're having now is young and enhanced, it doesn't mean you can work for 72 hours straight.”

Man, Rhodey just knew him too well, which was an amazing thing, of course. “Well, you'll be happy to know that I am only on hour... JARVIS, when did we get back from South America?”

“27 hours ago.”

“And two of those 27 hours I was being treated by Helen and shit, so I'm only on hour 25.”

“JARVIS”, Rhodey sighed, and Tony could see him shaking his head at that. “If he reaches 36 hours without sleep, you are hereby authorized to cut all the power to the lab.”

“Yes, I will”, JARVIS confirmed and Tony could only groan.

“J, you're my AI, not his.”

“As your AI, that is named and created after the person responsible to look after you, it is my foremost task to keep you as safe as I can”, he stated simply and Tony swore, he saw Jarvis, the human Jarvis, standing in the corner, his arms crossed and shaking his head at Tony.

“Fine”, he groaned. “Just remember: I built the first Ironmansuit in a cave in the desert in Afghanistan.”

“Tones, we're fucking worried about you”, Rhodey cried out. “You little shit are important to me, to Pepper, to JARVIS, so I don't give a fuck if you don't care about your life, because I do. How do you think I'll feel if you work yourself to death? So don't even think I'll apologize for having you locked out of the lab.”

Woah. That went a lot deeper than Tony had anticipated. Feeling a blush creeping up his face, he looked down, unsure of what he should say.

“I'm sorry”, he eventually mumbled, feeling like his 10 year old self being reprimanded by Aunt Peggy.

“I know you are. Just behave yourself and I don't have to feel like I'm mothering you.”

“Please, you love mothering me”, Tony shot back smirking.

“I shall neither confirm nor deny these accusations.” As stern as he tried to sound, Tony knew Rhodey was fighting hard to keep the grin down. “Listen, Ross is calling, I need to get back to work.”

“Do you need a rescue call in like half an hour?”, Tony laughed and delighted when Rhodey joined in.

“Ross already can't stand you, do you really want to push it?”

“Remember, I'm Steve right now. I can pull a lot of strings with the US army.”

“Tempting, very tempting”, Rhodey chuckled. “But as long as you are alright enough to do your job, I'll do mine. And talk to you soon, alright?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Tones.”

.-.-.-.-.

It was no surprise to Thor that he'd find Banner in the labs. He, Tony and Helen had barely left their microscopes, computers and machinery behind, working overtime to fix their unfortunate situation.

So focused on his work, Bruce didn't even seem to notice Thor calling out for him, not until he was right in front of the scientist.

“Thor, sorry, I didn't hear you”, he apologized and reached up to his ear. “Some of the machines are really loud and I prefer to work in quiet, so I switched the hearing aids off.”

“That I can understand”, Thor smiled and sat himself opposite Bruce.

“How can I help you then?”

“I have been informed that there is a presentation Bruce has to do, and I thought it prudent to ask you about the contents, so I might be a convincing Dr Banner.”

“Oh, that... You don't have to worry about that”, Bruce smiled, “I cancelled the lecture.”

“Oh.” Huh. Did he not think Thor capable enough? His hurt must have shown on his face, Bruce was quick to explain his reasoning. “This has nothing to do with you. But it's not just a presentation, it's a discussion panel and I can't teach you everything by tomorrow. Even if I could, I think it would help all of us so much more if I focused on reversing this.” He gestured between him and Thor.

“Right.” Thor still didn't fully buy what Bruce sold. Especially one little doubt was nagging in the back of his head. “Is it because of yesterday morning, when I hulked out on...”

“No, it's not”, Bruce interrupted. “You don't have to feel bad about that. Nobody is blaming you, least of all me”, he added with a smile. “It wasn't your fault.”

“I still feel guilty”, he admitted. He had destroyed so much property in only a few short minutes; if Bruce hadn't managed to calm him again... Thor truly did not want to know what would have happened, what he would have done to his friends. “If it weren't for my temper...”

“Buddy, I know exactly how you feel. And that's why you can believe when I say that it's alright.”

“Though I am aware that there is no reason to doubt your word, I still feel responsible and in all honesty, afraid.” It was true, Thor was scared to even raise his voice, out of fear he'd turn into that creature. Ever since yesterday's incident he had hidden himself away in his room, barely leaving it. He hated it with a passion, hated weakness and fear. He hated it almost as much as admitting to it. But if there was one person in this situation he could trust, it was Banner. “How are you not terrified?”

Bruce got off his chair and sat next to Thor on the bench. “I'm not scared of you. Why should I, as boisterous as you might be, you are even more loyal and trustworthy. Yesterday, when I talked Hulk down... I was only able to do that because you trusted me enough to let go of the fear. If it would have been anybody else, I don't know they would have been so quick to trust.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“I do”, Bruce nodded and locked eyes with Thor. “A good man might not be able to keep from hulking out, but he might be strong enough to trust to let go of Hulk.”

“Wow”, Thor smiled, “nicely said. And a very empowering philosophy.” If his friend understood it that way, then why shouldn't Thor? And if his friend truly believed him to be a good man, then there was no need for him to be afraid, was there? “It pains me to say this, but that would make you, my friend, the strongest Avenger...”

“Well”, Bruce laughed, “Hulk can't be killed, so this is sort of not that big an accomplishment...”

“I am not talking about Hulk”, Thor clarified. “I am talking about you, Bruce Banner and your strength. It is formidable, awe-inspiring to say the least.”

“Wait.” Bruce's expression changed into something somewhat annoyed, almost angry. “Did you talk with Natasha?”

“I have not”, he answered truthfully, confused as to what the doctor was insinuating. “Why?”

“Nothing”, Bruce quickly waved it off, but Thor could recognize the force behind his smile. “Thank you, for the compliment”, he got back on topic. “I'm not sure I believe it just yet, but thank you, nonetheless.”

“I speak only the truth.”

“I appreciate it.” The doctor flushed ever so slightly, and turned his face downwards, trying to hide his blush. It seemed, that Thor should not keep on praising the rather shy and restrained scientist; during his time on earth he has learned that, unlike Asgardians, many earthlings, like Banner, didn't like to boast with their accomplishments.

“So, it seems then that you shall not teach me about earthly physics”, Thor changed the topic and Bruce seemed to be grateful.

“You're welcome to stay, I could use another set of hands; Tony is so busy working on his scanner project, he's practically useless to me.”

“Huh?” Thor hadn't even realized that Stark, who now resurfaced between metal scraps and cables, was in the laboratory. “Heard my name. Oh, hi Thor. When did you get here?”

“Ignore him”, Bruce advised Thor, before waving Tony off. “Nevermind, get back to work.” With a grin and a shrug, Stark disappeared again.

“You don't have to stay, though”, Bruce turned back to Thor. “I'm sure there are more entertaining things to be done than comparing brainwave data.”

“Actually, I would like to see the work process”, Thor smiled enthusiastically. He truly was interested and had already been looking forward to learn from the doctor. And, even though it wasn't gamma radiation, brain activity was just as interesting a subject to study. “And if I can be of any help, I'll gladly support you.”

“Right then, let me show you what I'm doing.” Bruce motioned for Thor to join him in front of a big monitor, over which waves of different heights, widths and colours danced. “Those are our results, these here are yours.” He pointed at a yellow line. “Now I'm just trying to find where our waves overlap with the electrical current of the goo. That's the brown one.”

“What do you hope to achieve?”

“I hope to find the points of overlapping activity to see which points of our brains it's attacking.”

“Ah, I see”, Thor nodded, “if we know where our psyche is being attacked, we know where to inhibit it's influence on us.”

“Exactly”, Bruce smiled. “Well, let's get to it, then.”

.

“Hey, I've been missing you all afternoon”, Natasha smiled at Thor, as he made his way into the common room.

“I have been in the laboratories with Bruce, deciphering our brainwaves. And now I see colourful wavey lines dancing in front of my eyes”, he reported, before sitting down on the couch opposite her and Captain Rogers. As interesting as it had been to work with Banner, it was incredibly taxing on Thor's brain. He truly had no idea how the scientist Avengers worked on things like that for hours, no, for days on end.

“Impressive”, Nat praised him. “I've been looking after this one all day.” She nodded at Steve, who had a container of Hunk-a-hulk-a-burning-fudge in his hands.

“I'm a disaster”, he explained, sniffling ever so slightly.

“Captain, don't be saddened! We all have challenges in our new bodies, there is no need to be melancholic.”

“He's not”, Natasha explained, “he's hormonal and has no clue how to handle that.”

“Oh. I see”, he nodded. Natasha's body seemed to be even more of a challenge than Bruce's was for Thor... “I already praised Banner for being the strongest of us all, with him having to deal with the Hulk, but I assume that you, Natasha, and all the other women, are just as strong, if not more, having to deal daily with difficulties that have even the strongest warriors crying and in pain.”

“Thank you, Thor”, she smiled.

“I completely agree”, Steve nodded. “Women are fierce!”

.-.-.-.-.

“Hi Pepper!” Tony's voice ripped her away from her paperwork. Right, it wasn't Tony, it was Clint, who now sat down opposite her.

“Clint, great. I tried everything to cancel that presentation that Tony has tomorrow, but no chance. You'll have to get through that.”

“As long as you tell me what I need to say, I should do just fine.”

“It's not just that though.” The real Tony strutted into Pepper's office and smiled at her with wide beaming eyes, before turning Clint. “You gotta be me. Attitude and all.”

“Please”, Clint scoffed, “if you can be demure and shit like Rogers, I can be like you.”

“Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it”, Tony waved him off, but didn't grace him with too much of a side glance. Instead he didn't break eye contact with Pepper. And it was so weird.

Pepper had to repeatedly tell herself that it was not Steve that shot her these heart eyes and that it was not Tony that tried to avoid looking at her.

“Ok, we need to get you guys back into your skin”, she just shook her head after a while.

“No arguments from me”, Clint grinned. “Let's get through this one first, though.”

“Good idea”, Pepper nodded, broke away from Tony's look and turned to Clint. “It's not too difficult though, you got the entire talk on these index cards.” She put them down in front of Clint and he leafed through them, before looking back up at her.

“So, I need to be trained in 'How To Be Tony Stark?' I mean, I've seen how you act in front of a camera for years on end. Be dangerously self-confident, insolent and don't give two shits about authorities.”

“That sums it up nicely”, Pepper chuckled.

“Right”, Tony grumbled, “the magic is doing all that and still being a beloved public figure.”

“I thought all those investor-dudes can't stand the sight of you”, Clint shot back with a smirk.

“Yeah, I guess they don't”, Tony shrugged.

“There will be press though”, Pepper threw in, before Tony could make some comment about Clint not needing to give a shit about the presentation. “And it's not investors; you don't want their money. You will present the newest arc-reactor upgrades to SI shareholders, a bunch of scientists and therefore you might not want to make them hate you, or well, Tony. At least not any more than they already do.”

“I think I can do that”, he nodded, adding with a grin: “I'm a charming person.”

“Tony tells me that every time I brief him on his presentations. And well, you know how that usually plays out.”

“Hey!”, Tony protested, “I'm a charming person to be around!”

“No, you're not”, Pepper and Clint agreed. “I still love you, though”, she added and Tony was once again all smiles.

“That's honestly all that matters”, he beamed.

“So”, Clint interrupted their romantic eye contact, “you regularly tell Tony what you're telling me today?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Pepper turned to Clint with a shrug. “Unless it's about his iron suits, Tony's got the attention span of a gold fish. And like you so nicely said, he can't be bothered to give two shits not only about authority, but also PR. Making my life so much harder”, she sighed.

“You still fell in love with me”, Tony grinned, leaning back in the chair.

“Alright.” Clint cleared his throat. “I'm gonna leave you two alone and read through this.” He waved with the index cards and awkwardly got up.

“Thank you, Barton.”

“Yeah, least I can do since you're working to get us out of this shit”, Clint grinned and, with a last wave, he left Pepper's office.

“Yeah”, Tony cleared his throat, “I'd better get back on that. Before this”, he gestured between them, “gets any worse. Who am I kidding”, he snorted a laugh, “we probably got enough cause for couple's therapy as it is, without Steve wanting to be with you...”

Tony definitely had a point. “Agreed”, she nodded. “Though I might just be 12% attracted to Steve...”

“Alright”, he laughed and got up. “Will that be all Ms Potts?”

“Yes”, she beamed up, “that'll be all.”

.-.-.-.-.

After going through the presentation index cards for the third time, Clint could have sworn his brain had turned to goo. He let the cards drop and sprawled himself out, resting his head in Nat's, well, Thor's lap.

“Sounds like the genius IQ was not transferred with Stark's body”, she remarked, not looking up from her book though.

“I mean, can you lift the hammer?”, he shot back.

Tasha stilled for a moment, but barely long enough to recognize it. At least if you didn't know her like Clint did. “We both know I'm not worthy”, she eventually shrugged.

“Maybe it's better that way”, he grinned up at her and finally she glanced down and locked eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“That I would hate if you had to move to another planet to rule it. I mean, that'd be one sucky commute.”

“Yes, it would be”, she chuckled, before giving her attention back to the story she was reading.

Unsure what else to do, Clint grabbed his phone, intent on daddling around a bit. But his lockscreen picture had him stop: It was taken only a few weeks ago, by Nat actually. Cooper was climbing up Clint's back, grinning cheekily over his shoulder; Laura leaned against his chest, cradling Lila.

Clint just had to talk to his wife. They had only messaged so far, to keep the confusion as minimal as possible, but that just wouldn't do any more. So, consequences be damned, he pressed the call button and only three beeps later, Laura picked up.

“Clint? Is it you?”

“Hey honey”, he sighed, feeling so much better for hearing her voice. “yeah. I know I sound like Stark but it's me.”

“I think I might be able to get over that”, she chuckled. “How are you doing?”

“So good now that we're talking. How are you and the kids?”

“We're alright. You are dearly missed, though.”

“I miss you guys, too.” Clint could start crying any moment now, this sucked majorly. She didn't look down, but a hand came down, gently patting his head. Tasha just was the best friend anybody could ever ask for...

“Are things moving forward at least?”

“No idea, honestly... For now I need to officially be Tony Stark, got to do a presentation about the arc reactor...”

“Oh my”, Laura laughed, the most heavenly sound he had ever heard. “You're gonna do a scientific presentation?”

“Hey!”, he protested, “not fair! I'm smart...”

“Sorry, honey”, she chuckled, “I know you are. You're the smartest husband I've ever had.”

“Haha”, he deadpanned, before he couldn't keep the chuckles down any more.

“You're gonna do just well, I completely believe in you.”

“Thanks. Oh by the way, Nat says hi.”

“Who is she again? Will I have an eternal shock when I say hi to her?”

“Probably”, he chuckled and handed the phone over to Nat. “Laura wants to talk to you.”

“Alright. Hey, Laura. Yes, I am Thor. I'm glad you're enjoying this”, she deadpanned and switched on the speaker. Laura's laughter filled the room, and Clint couldn't help but chuckle along to this most heavenly sound.

“The only thing better than that is that Steve is in Tasha's body, menstruating at the moment”, he laughed.

“Oh, that poor guy. Clint, you don't get to make fun of somebody's period.”

“Thank you, Laura, I've been telling him that all week.”

“Good. It's not like you need my permission, but if you deem it necessary go all god of thunder on his ass.”

“Permission appreciated.”

“Uhm, no?”, Clint threw in, “definitely not appreciated!”

“You're right”, Laura nodded, “Nat doesn't need to be a Norse god to kick your behind from here to Budapest.”

“That's true”, he admitted, looking up at his friend. “I'm definitely more afraid of the ginger Russian than blondie from the Maybelline poster.”

“That's because you're smart”, Tasha grinned.

“And that is smart enough to absolutely rock that presentation tomorrow.”

“Thanks, honey”, Clint grinned.

“So, it sounds like Lila is up. I'll go check on her, you get enough rest and call me after the presentation to tell me how great you did, ok?”

“Promise. Tell Lila and Cooper that their dad loves them so much and will soon be home again.”

“Same goes for Auntie Nat.”

“I'll tell them. The three of us love you, too.”

“Him or me?”, Tasha grinned.

“Nat, you know you'll always be the love of my life”, Laura chuckled. “But Clint, I love you, too.”

“Wow”, he deadpanned and met Nat's smirk head on. “Well, I got to kiss Pepper.”

“Excuse me, you did what?”

“Isn't Lila calling?”, Clint shot back instead.

“Right then. I still love you.”

“I love you, too.”

.

“Alright, Clint.” Pepper patted his shoulder with a reassuring smile. “You're gonna do just fine. You got the notes, be a little overconfident and nothing can go wrong.”

Right. He could do this. He could be Tony Stark, no problems. He gave Pepper the thumbs up and she gently pushed him towards the stage entrance. Shoulders squared, he strutted out on the stage. Luckily there were so many lights on him that he couldn't see how full the audience was.

“Good evening and hello”, he greeted everybody. “I'm assuming you all know who I am, otherwise you wouldn't be here.” That got him a chuckle and it seemed like everything was off to a good start.

He leaned against the lectern and, in the most Tony Stark-like fashion he could, he glanced over his glasses into the room, before taking a first look at his index cards. “Since not everybody might be caught up on what keeps me alive, let me give you a crash course in my magnetically powered heart.”

All night long, Clint had studied what was on these cards, so he could speak as freely as possible about something that, according to everybody in this room, was the one thing he knew more about than anything else.

It wasn't like he understood what any of these cards said, Clint wasn't even sure all of it was English, but as long as he only had to read them out, he'd be alright.

It was admittedly a lot of fun. Clint wasn't exactly the most boisterous person on the planet, but somehow that just came with the body and soon enough, he could just pepper in a few jokes here and there.

“The following I will keep to myself, because, well, if you knew, you might be able to give me a heart attack and I just know that there are a handful of investors and members on my board that can't wait for that to happen to me. Yes, I see you, Justin Hammer”, he winked and a laugh went through the room. The more his jokes landed, the cockier he got, he had to admit that. But the time flew by, and Clint didn't realize how far through the presentation they were, until he got to the last index card.

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you know that I am smarter than you. Thanks for listening and until next time!”

After a few exaggerated bows, Clint walked off stage, where Pepper was already waiting with a proud smile. “Fantastic job, Clint.”

“Really?”

“Yes”, she nodded. “You were almost as obnoxious as Tony, read through all the information perfectly and your stand-up isn't half bad.”

“Thanks”, he grinned back, feeling his cheeks blushing. “It was actually a lot of fun.”

“It did look like it was. You can be proud, you were fantastic up there.”

“Well, I assume it's safe to say that you're slightly biased there...”

“No, because Tony wasn't up on that stage there, that was a lot of work that you put into this presentation, more than Tony ever did. Maybe you should stick like that, it would make at least my job a lot easier.”

No, he needed to be Clint again, asap. He wanted to go home, wanted to kiss his wife, hug his children and never ever talk about arc-reactors and shit again. “I appreciate the compliment, but I think we're all better fitted where we belong.”

“Also true. Right then, I need to take care of everything here, you're free to get back to the tower and join Natasha in looking after Steve, stress on looking after, not teasing”, she added.

“Don't worry, I won't”, he nodded, “promise.”

“Off you go then. And thank you, so, so much! Saved us all a world of pain.”

Clint tipped his imaginary hat, turned around, where Nat was already standing. “What are you doing here?”

“I watched you presentation, you doofus.” She boxed his arm and motioned for them to walk back together. “You did good. Very Stark-like.”

“Thanks. All the cameras, lights and attention kinda goes straight to your head, it's incredible.”

“You gonna get a big head now?”

“Yes”, he deadpanned. “I'm gonna be the next genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

“Remember, I have your wife's approval to go all god of thunder on your ass”, Nat reminded him.

“I know you do. And I would like to leave you be right now and call that same wife and tell her how awesome and smart her husband is.” He shot Nat a grin and headed straight for the privacy of his room and the wonderfulness that was hearing Laura's voice.

.-.-.-.-.

This was ridiculous. Steve felt like a caricature come to life, as he gobbled up chocolate ice cream, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket on the couch. He had actually bawled his eyes out, when they watched some cartoon movie about lions last night. Shit, he felt himself already tearing up again, when he thought about Simba, mourning his dad... Thankfully, Tony barged in, before Steve could lose himself some more in all these freaking hormones and emotions.

“Rogers, lets make this quick so I can get back into the lab and finish my work before heading to DC tomorrow.” He dropped opposite of Steve on the couch, and looked at him expectantly. “What's gonna happen to me there?”

“No idea, actually”, he shrugged and put the container down. “They never tell me what exactly they want to do. Sometimes it's just a photo-op, recording a PSA or something...”

“PSAs? Really?”

“Yeah”, Steve shrugged. “They're admittedly super cheesy.” Embarrassingly so, actually... Steve felt himself blushing.

“What kind of contract do you have there?”

“They approached me shortly after I thawed out and asked me if I was willing to use my celebrity status as an educational figure, PBS style. I'm basically their Elmo.”

“That is kinda depressing”, Tony stated after a moment. “They tell you jump and you ask how high?”

“I guess... But helping out teachers and students isn't a bad thing and that's why I accepted.”

“That's noble”, Tony nodded.

Steve didn't buy that. Tony was the exact opposite of what this campaign stood for! “You don't think it's noble, you think it's boring.”

“It can be both”, Tony grinned back.

“Oh really? How do you think you can properly sell this, while thinking you're above all that?” Steve felt his voice (well, Nat's voice) pitch higher, but he didn't care, he was angry at Tony. Why wouldn't he be, Steve was building up his life again in a world so foreign to him, and Tony ridiculed it all!

“Steve”, Tony held his hands out, “I seriously think it's great what you're doing for students all over the country.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course”, Tony nodded with a wide smile. “I do. And I'll do my best tomorrow, I promise.”

“Thank you”, Steve smiled and his chest felt all warm and fluffy. He was so touched that Tony would take this so seriously. “It means everything to me.”

“Yeah, alright”, Tony nodded and moved to leave for, probably the lab, again.

“Are you?”

“What?” He paused and turned back to Steve.

“Are you alright?”, he repeated his question. Something felt weirdly off, and he didn't mean his horrible mood swings.

“I'm just stressed, is all”, he shrugged it off, but Steve didn't buy it.

“You sure?”

“Rogers”, Tony groaned and crossed his arms. “Don't start something you don't want to.”

“I don't want to force you to talk”, Steve shrugged. “But if you have an issue with me or my body, I'd like to help out any way I can to make it better.”

“Nice offer, but I don't think you can. So, unless you have anything against that, I'd like to get back to my lab and into my body, before Pepper has to fall in love with you, too.”

“Too?”

“Fuck”, he sighed and stopped. Still had his back turned to Steve, but he didn't motion to storm off anymore. “My Dad.”

It was a quiet mumble, but Steve was sure he didn't mishear him. “Howard?”

Tony turned to Steve, his face as rigid as that of a statue and a hard expression. “My entire childhood I got to compete with you, a then still dead guy, for my Dad's attention. I lost. Whatever I did, it couldn't compare to the Amazing Captain America, Howard's greatest ever creation. But hey, all in the past”, he scoffed with a shrug.

“Oh, Tony... I'm so sorry!” Steve felt the tears rising in his eyes, but that didn't matter. How the hell could any father do that to their son?

“Yeah, whatever”, Tony waved it off.

“No, not whatever”, Steve made clear and walked up to him. “I am really sorry and I can't even imagine how much you must have hated me. And I can't even fault you, if you still do.”

“Well, it's not hatred anymore.” Tony offered Steve a half-hearted smile. “I did however spend the last few days cursing that fucking Alien. Even though your body is younger and enhanced”, he added with a scoff.

“If it makes you feel any better, the last few days I've been feeling similarly horrible as before the serum.”

“It does a bit”, Tony admitted with a grin.

“Good. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help you to feel better around me, and if it is to punch me in the face, I'll be happy to let you do that. But, knowing both you and Howard, I can definitely say that you're the way better man by far.”

“Thanks”, Tony smiled, and it looked like a real smile, “that means a lot.”

“Good. Now I have this urge to hug you, even if it might be weird to hug my own body”, he grinned.

“Yeah, no”, he shook his head. “Let's not push it.”

“Of course”, Steve nodded and sat himself back on the couch, where the hot water bottle and the ice cream already waited for him. “Thank you, though. For being honest with me. Means everything.”

“Right.” Tony clearly was not used to this sort of compliment and he looked a little awkwardly, before nodding at him again and walking out of the common room.

Huh. This whole body swap was really a lot more taxing on everybody's psyche, issues and their relationships than Steve would have ever imagined... Well, at least these things were out in the open now. And maybe, one day, they'd get this sorted out.

.-.-.-.-.

“Mr Rogers!” Tony was greeted by a young woman with a wide beaming smile. “I'm so sorry, I know you usually deal with Mrs Carrigan, but she has an urgent appointment out of town and can't be with us today. I am Cecily Myers and I hope you don't mind working with me for the day.”

“Of course not, it is wonderful to meet you. And of course I understand, Mrs Carrigan” - whoever that was - “is a busy woman.”

“Thank you, for your understanding. So, if you would follow me, Mr Rogers.”

“Please, call me Steve”, Tony 'corrected' her and shot her a warm smile.

“Right then Steve. Shall we?”

They went up an elevator and along a wide, light filled corridor, until they reached what looked like a makeshift movie set.

“Steve, you can change into your suit in the room over there”, Cecily explained. “In the meantime we'll set everything up. Oh, I'm so sorry for not asking before hand, but can I offer you something? A coffee, maybe?”

“That would be very kind, thank you.”

“I'll get right on that, then.” With a last smile, she hurried off, disappearing in the masses of people, who all turned around to Tony with varying degrees of starstruckness, greeting and waving excitedly.

That, Tony was used to and he waved back, all smiles with every shy greeting he got, as he made his way to the room, Cecily had pointed out to him. Tony had no idea what he was about to do here, it looked like they were going to shoot a video. But Tony was just gonna let all that come at him. He was already in the wrong fucking skin, what else could they throw at him?

“Mr Rog... Steve, everything alright?” Cecily knocked at the door.

Well, Cap's suit was definitely harder to put on than his Ironsuit, and he could definitely use a hand. But he shouldn't ask the girl out there, she already seemed to be in way over her head and a shirtless Captain America was not gonna help the situation. “I'll only be a moment”, he called back and squeezed into the tight leather.

When he finally managed to get out, she awaited him with a cup of steaming coffee and a wide smile.

“Thank you, Cecily”, he smiled and gratefully took the cup. “It's delicious”, Tony lied after taking two or three sips and forced the disgusted expression down.

“Then I'm glad.” She directed Tony towards two chairs and motioned for him to sit down. “While they finish setting everything up, I'm going to brief you on today's mission”, she grinned.

“Wow, you know the lingo”, Tony chuckled, and the girl blushed slightly.

It was almost adorable, well it would be, if she wasn't fangirling about Cap right now. He wasn't as bad as Tony had always thought he was, though he still forced himself to not like Howard's idol. Sure, he got the appeal, if only the idolization of Captain America, the US' most beloved and decorated war hero...

“Anyways”, she cleared her throat. “We want to shoot three more PSAs with you today. The ones we have recorded already played in schools all over the country and the reception was quite positive. So much so, that teachers have submitted topics they think important and necessary. Those are profanity, healthy sleeping patterns and substance abuse.”

Oh, they had to be fucking kidding him! Tony, recording PSAs about not swearing, not staying up for 36 hours at a time and fucking doing drugs? The god of irony really had it out for them these last few days...

“Sure”, he forced himself to stay calm and collected and not snort out at the idea of him telling kids not to say fuck. “Our teachers know best what their students' issues are and I can see those things negatively affecting children.” I also know from personal experience that all that makes for a mind-numbingly boring existence. Fine, Tony was aware that his lifestyle wasn't healthy, but there was a reason they asked Cap to do this, and not Ironman.

“Exactly. We really appreciate the schools' feedback and of course strife to make their jobs the easiest we can.”

Wow, that sounded like it was verbatim taken from the Department of Education's website. It probably was; that girl wasn't older than 25 and looked like she never had to do more than get somebody a coffee. And now, being in charge of a widely known and popular figure, she had to give it her all to sound convincing and as if she had done this all her life.

“Yeah... Listen.” He lowered his voice and leaned a bit closer in, trying to get her to open up to him, to loosen up. “I know I've done this a few times, but I think I might be a little nervous...”

“Really?”

No, not at all.

“I don't know, I just... I'm not used to all this”, he gestured vaguely around the room, at the cameras. “I'm a soldier”, he shrugged. “All the cameras and interviews and things... Besides all that modern technology I don't really understand... It feels like I'm a fish on dry land.”

“I didn't expect that at all, if I'm being honest.”

How much further should Tony go until he was laying it on too thick? “It's just... Mrs Carrigan can be quite scary”, he whispered, hoping to God that this woman he had never met and never even heard of was not a nice and gentle lady.

“Yeah, she can get intense”, Cecily chuckled and Tony was very glad that his bluff didn't just blow up. “As her PA I know that better than anybody...”

“Of course”, he smiled. “Well, I just get the feeling you and I will work wonderfully together, without her.”

“Yeah”, she agreed with a beaming smile. “I do, too.”

“We're ready!”, one of the camera guys called and Tony gulped down the last bit of this disgusting coffee and took his stance by the chair, they had propped up in the middle of the makeshift stage, in front of a green screen.

“For this one we'll digitally add a classroom into the background, so if you'd just sit on the chair, and read out the cards we have here, that'd be perfect”, some guy who hadn't introduced himself but Tony assumed to be the director, gestured wildly around. Tony wasn't exactly sure what that guy tried to communicate with his waving, but it'd be best to just smile and nod along. And the sooner he'd get through this, the sooner he could get to SHIELD and find out what he came to DC for.

Tony gave him the thumbs up and sat himself down, trying to look as authoritative and stern as he could.

“That's perfect. And please in three, two one...” With a wave, the director motioned for Tony that the recording started and Tony read out what was on the poster in front of him.

“Hi, I'm Captain America. And today I'd like to talk to you about an enemy that has forced it's way into our classrooms, our society, and is intent on breaking our proper American values. Yes, I'm talking about swearing.” Oh fuck, this was so cheesy! “You might think it's cool, but what you see as edgy, comes across as hurtful, disrespectful or offensive. So, take it from a soldier that even on the front lines, respect is the one thing that keeps us united.” And that straight up did not make any sense.

“And cut!”, the director yelled. “Good job, Cap”, he called out in Tony's direction, didn't take his eyes off the screen in front of him, though. “Give us a moment and we'll continue with the next one.”

Tony was ushered off the set and some furniture and some lamps were moved around.

“That was pretty good”, Cecily praised him, coming up to his side.

“Thank you. It's not as bad as I remembered it”, he smiled.

“And that's all I can hope for. Looks like they're ready for you again.” She nodded towards the set and gave him an encouraging nudge to the shoulder. Confiding in her had really helped her and she looked so much more confident than she had barely thirty minutes ago. That was something Tony was already more proud of than all the horrible videos they were shooting.

This time, he was directed to lean against a table, and once again look straight at the camera as he read out: “Hi, I'm Captain America. As someone who has been asleep for 65 years, I know how important a regular sleeping pattern is. Your brain and body need their time to rest and to recharge. Eight hours every night make for a fit, healthy and smart student. And a tired zombie won't do you any good on the battlefield or the classroom, trust me; I've had my fair share of those.”

“And cut!”

Tony couldn't even remember the last time he had slept eight hours consecutively... He probably didn't even get to eight if he added the last few days up... But there was no time for Tony to dwell on it, they almost immediately had him propping his foot up on a chair, holding the shield into the camera and reading out:

“Hi, I'm Captain America. And today, I would like to talk to you about drugs. You might have seen a lot about using on television, maybe even some of your friends tried to tell you how cool it is to smoke weed. But take it from someone who has been frozen for 65 years: drugs aren't cool. Drugs attack your neural system and can fundamentally change and screw up your body's chemistry. It is about as cool as flying an airplane into the Arctic Ocean. It's not. So, be cool about it and don't do drugs.”

“And cut! Thank you, that's a wrap on Captain America!”

Everybody in the room started clapping and for a short moment, Tony was tempted to bask in the praise, until he remembered that Steve wasn't that big on attention. Which was a contradiction in itself: why then would he run around in a bright red, white and blue leather suit?

“Thank you”, he smiled around the clapping people and made straight for Cecily who greeted him with a wide and warm smile.

“Great job, Steve.” She patted his shoulder and the praise made Tony flush a little bit.

“Thank you”, he smiled back, “couldn't have done it without you.”

“Of course you could have”, she shook her head and turned it ever so slightly, so Tony wouldn't catch her blushing. “Right, you can change back into your normal clothes if you'd like.”

Tony very much would like to do that; as good as the tight suit looked on him, he just had that thing about leather and was happy to get back into simple jeans and a shirt. Although... Properly inspecting himself in the mirror like that, maybe, just maybe, Tony would need to make a few tweaks on the suit, once Steve had his body back. Because that suit right here? Did nothing for his ass. Nothing at all. And hey, if you got it, flaunt it, right?

It wasn't too much later, when Cecily escorted Tony back to the parking lot, where he had parked Steve's motorbike.

“Thank you again for your time and for loaning us your face”, she chuckled.

“If it helps keeping America's kids on the right path, then that's all the thanks I need.” Wow, Stark, putting it on a bit thick here.

“That is all we can hope for.”

“Well, I for one believe that our children are in good hands.” With a wide smile, he held his hand out to her. “Thank you for your support. And next time you need my face...”

“We won't hesitate to call”, she grinned back and shook Tony's hand.

“That, and I also expect the title of PA only to be left on your resumée. You're too good for just making coffee”, he assured her as she motioned to argue. “Anyways, I'll hope to see you here next time.”

“Thank you, Steve”, she smiled and this time didn't even bother to hide her blushed face. “I'm already looking forward.”

.

“Cap, what the hell are you doing here?”, Fury demanded to know. “You're still under medical lockdown!”

Alright, time to be the most convincing Steve Tony could be. “Cho cleared me for my appointment at the department of education and to come here. But I'm sure you already knew that.”

“Come on, then.” Tony could have sworn he saw a hint of a grin on Fury's face, before he turned and led Tony through the corridors. “We've been trying for the last two days to crack this thing, get it to talk, but to no avail. Maybe you're luckier.”

“I don't believe it has anything to do with luck...” That was as snarky a retort as Tony dared to go without blowing his cover.

“Oh is that so?” Fury stopped and looked him dead in the eye. “Then pray tell, what does the amazing Captain America have that SHIELD doesn't?”

For starters a brainwave reader, able to compare the Avenger's data with whatever that thing might omit. Furthermore, Tony's brainpower. “Two days of rest”, he answered instead.

“Good point.” And silently they continued on their way.

Somehow this was weird. Even weirder than the last few days have been already. And it wasn't just that Tony, who had never really been at SHIELD's HQ, was now supposed to be a person regularly going in and out here; Tony had more than enough confidence to pull this off. But Fury... he seemed off. Maybe the Avengers weren't the only affected ones. Or somebody was playing some giant fucked-up trick on Tony. Well, there was an easy way to find out the truth...

“Listen Fury, I feel like I need to apologize for Stark's...”

“Insolence? Impossibility?”, Fury suggested and Tony did not appreciate that. Fine, he didn't really give two fucks about chains of command or authority, but still...

“I was gonna say antics. He told me about you, trying to get him to join the Avengers, but first had to bribe him to get down from that giant decorative hot dog.”

“Yeah, that was something...” Fury just rolled his eyes. Or whoever pretended to be Fury.

Right now it was perfect to be in a body was strong enough to pin Fury against a wall. Tony might have managed to do that in his own body, but Steve was strong enough to actually keep the man in place. “Who are you? And where's Fury?”, he hissed.

“Counterquestion: Who are you and where is Cap?”, he shot back, completely calm, not the slightest waver of confusion or annoyance in his voice.

“What?” Tony was just about to lose himself in the spiral of being caught and about to be locked up, when he realized something. Fury hadn't denied his accusation. “I asked first.”

“Rogers, let go.” Hill came up behind him, shaking her head.

“Not until I know who this is, because it for sure ain't Fury.” Wow, being Cap didn't necessarily come with respect for authority...

“It's not. It's Maria. I'm Fury”, she answered instead. “And she now owes me ten bucks.”

“You were switched, too.” Tony wasn't sure whether it was a question or a statement, but he let go of Maria and took two steps back.

“You guys weren't the only ones that got doused in that glibber”, Maria explained, got a bank note out of her pocket and handed it over to Fury with a groan and an eye roll. “We had a bet, whether you'll see through it or not. And you're Stark, aren't you?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. What gave me away?”

“The story about the hot dog. I assume it was a test, and I failed it.”

“Yeah”, Tony chuckled. “Had my suspicions, needed them confirmed.”

“Good for you”, Fury interrupted, before waving at them, “after me”, and disappeared into an office two doors over. “Here we can properly talk in private without anybody listening in”, he explained, once Maria had closed the door behind her. Even though he was in a much smaller body, Fury didn't exude any less confidence and he had that authoritative aura; even though Maria's body almost disappeared in the giant chair and desk, Nick still owned the room.

“So, first things first. Who is who?”, he asked.

“Well, I'm in Cap, Cap's in Natasha, Natasha is in Thor, Thor is in Bruce, Bruce is in Clint and Clint's in my body”, Tony summarized, before making himself comfortable on one of the chairs. “Next question: why didn't you say anything on the helicarrier?”

“I could ask you the same thing”, Maria answered, crossing her arms in front of her chest and Tony had to say in all honesty that, like with Nat in Thor's body, the new massive, muscular bulk of a man was not what intimidated Tony, it was very much the woman inside that was scary.

“I asked first”, he grinned back.

“Stark, please. You're in our house”, Fury made clear, not really leaving room for that much of an argument.

“Fine... We very simply didn't want to be SHIELD's lab rats, being probed and tested and shit and – no offence – me, Bruce and Helen are smarter than your guys.” Ok, maybe a little offence... “And you?”

“We didn't tell anybody here for the same reason”, Hill explained. “And we didn't tell you guys, because, well, you definitely do not work well under supervision.”

“What, so you just let us do all the hard work and piggyback off our results?” Tony was almost insulted; though they weren't wrong. But still. “Dance, monkey, dance, huh?”, he scoffed.

“No”, Maria made clear. “When I came over to you guys on the heli, I was intend on telling you, so we could work together and figure something out. And you were so clearly switched too; I mean, Matt Murdock could have seen that. But you didn't say anything, didn't trust me, well Fury. So I didn't say anything either”, she shrugged.

“Oh... Yeah, sorry about that then...”

“Let's leave the past in the past.” Fury leaned over on his desk. “I assume you got something, or you wouldn't have come.”

“Yeah, we think we might...” Tony put his bag on the table, and go out the device they had worked up. “We measured all our brainwaves and Cho and Banner, with Thor's help, found a few interesting things in there that didn't make a lot of sense to them. So, we built this little machine that would be able to, well not measure per se, but receive enough of that thing's brainwaves for us to do a comparison on. If we have that, we can put the goo in the mix and hopefully reverse engineer this psycho-switch.”

“Damn”, Fury nodded after a few moments of pensive silence. “That is impressive. Alright then, I can arrange you having some alone time with it. How long do you suppose you'll need?”

“I take as much as I can get. Ten minutes at least.”

Fury and Hill exchanged a few glances; Tony didn't know them well enough to encode their nonverbal communication. “Fifteen minutes should be doable”, Hill eventually nodded.

“Great! Let's get going, then!”

.

With a loud bang, the heavy door closed behind Tony and brought him face to face with the... thing. Well, almost. There was a glass wall separating them, which probably wasn't the worst idea; Tony really wasn't in the mood for being slimed again.

“I have been waiting for you.”

Uhm, what the fuck? Didn't Fury just say that thing didn't speak?

“And I don't speak, Fury didn't lie to you.”

Fuck, it was in Tony's head... Ugh.

“Don't be so disgusted, you're one of mine now.” Wow, it sounded almost hurt.

Well, if it read Tony's mind... “What's your name?”

“You can call me Tohu.”

“As in wabohu?”

“Exactly!”, it laughed. “Tohuwabohu, I bring confusion and chaos to all that dare to stand in my way.”

“I wouldn't say we stood in your way, you were destroying our planet”, Tony made clear and switched on his device.

“Same difference... Ah, you are trying to measure me, aren't you?”

It really sucked trying to be sneaky with a mind reader... Tony just went ahead about his business. “Where you from?”

“Fine, stick with the small talk, science boy... If you're hoping for me to name a planet, you're wishing in vain. I'm a nomad, travelling the universe, always on the lookout for shelter.”

“Well, there's no shelter for you on this planet.”

Damnit, the sensors didn't pick anything up. Where the fuck did they go wrong? They synced it perfectly with the goo's resonance!

“Your little machine isn't working I see... But don't hesitate to ask away and I will not lie to you.”

Yeah, it didn't expect Tony to buy that, did it?

“Of course you have doubts. But what do you have to lose?”

Damnit, it had a point. Well, here goes nothing... “Fine. What's the deal with the goo?”

“It contains my specific genetically coded psyche, allowing me access to anybody I choose to.”

That made sense and was pretty much what Tony had expected. “Why swap us all, put us in the wrong bodies? We still overpowered and locked you up, so what good did it do you?”

“Tony, Tony... there is such a big brain in that head of yours... I'm sure you can figure it out by yourself.”

Right then. Tony was nothing if not smart and he was definitely not one to back down from a challenge. So, the Avengers were linked genetically to that thing's psyche, with which it like to reek havoc and chaos. The closer Tony got to that thing, the more potent its control became; now that they were only a few metres apart from each other, they could actually communicate telepathically.

Oh shit.

“Ah, it seems you got it.”

“We're your leverage.”

“And the winner is Tony Stark! You do realize what that means, don't you?”

Tony did. In order to break free from its psychic field, they had to let it go.

“Exactly!”, it laughed. “Once I've left this realm, all psychic ties will be broken. And, before you get all sorts of funny ideas about inhibiting my connections or killing me, you wouldn't be the first that tried it. There were civilizations, far more advanced than your little dirty rock, that had to let me go.”

The so far unmoving creature turned and locked eyes with Tony. “Seems like you have a choice to make.”

Fuck. Tony turned to walk away. Just before the door closed, separating him from the creepy voice in his head, he heard it call out one more time: “I'll be waiting for you.”

.

“Why in the everloving fuck wouldn't you tell me that that thing is fucking psychic?”, Tony raged, as he stormed back into Fury's office.

“What do you mean?” Instead of an explanation, Tony was met with confusion.

“I mean fucking psychic!” He fell down on one of the chairs stared straight at Fury. “That thing could read my mind and I heard it. In here...” He gestured at his head. “Would have been really nice to know beforehand.”

“It would have been really nice to know, period!” Maria looked at him with big eyes (well, one big eye). “It never spoke to either of us.”

“Then why did it talk to me?”

“That's something we can figure out later. For now I'm more interested in what it did have to say.”

“Right.” Tony quickly recapped the short conversation he had with Tohu. “So, that's our choice”, he summarized. “Either we stay in this bizarro world until that thing undoubtedly outlives us all, or we let it go.”

“Fuck.”

“That's just as apt a comparison”, Tony scoffed. “So, I assume you two'll join me in my travel back to NY, where we can make a decision.”

“Stark, a teamplayer after all?”, Fury wondered with the hint of a grin.

Tony just decided to ignore the sassy undertone and got up instead. “I would love to just roll my eyes and strut out here, but I would probably get lost. I also assume you have a quinjet at your disposal, which would be so much more comfortable and quicker than Cap's motorbike.”

“That would be a correct assumption”, Hill nodded. “Follow me, and we'll be back in NYC in no time.”

.-.-.-.-.

It was a pitiful sight. Curled in himself with a hot bottle on his stomach, Steve was on the couch and watching some kitschy romcom.

“You really are a walking stereotype”, Nat scoffed and held a chocolate bar out to him.

“I'm so sorry”, he whimpered, “I really am.” He took the bar but put it down next to him on the table. “Thanks. I'll have it later when I don't feel so sick.”

“Sure thing.” She just caught herself before rolling her eyes and instead shot him a smile. “So, how're you doing?”

“How do you think I'm doing?”, he shot back.

“Wow, the hormones are working out for ya, huh?”

“And what would you know about how I'm feeling?”, he hissed and that was it for Nat.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Rogers?” Fuck being nice and supportive. “You do realize this is my body, right? And you do also realize that I have been doing that every month since I was thirteen, including the last few months that we've been living under the same roof. But right, you wouldn't know that because I'm not a whiny crybaby, and neither are Helen, Pepper, Maria or any other woman on this fucking planet!”

Woah. That felt good. The message was clearly received, Steve looked up at her with wide eyes and turned beet red.

“Sorry Nat”, he mumbled and disappeared back under a blanket.

“I know you are. That being said, you're allowed to be in pain and moody and bitchy and shit. Just don't dare taking all that out on me, or I'll go all god of thunder on your ass.”

“I promise!”, he nodded eagerly and shot her a small smile.

“Avengers, assemble in the common room!” JARVIS announced.

“Sounds like Stark is back from DC”, Nat smiled back, “maybe you'll get out of this skin soon, then.” He pulled his feet up, allowing Nat to sit next to him on the couch.

“That would mean that you'd be back in pain and stuff...”

“Yeah, but I'm used to it.”

“Hey, you know what's going on?” Clint waltzed in, in all the Tony Stark fashion they were used to, and dropped down opposite them.

“Tony just got back from DC”, Helen explained, Bruce shuffling inside behind her.

He avoided all eye contact, especially with Nat and cowered in a chair. Fuck. What could she say or do to keep Bruce from doing something stupid? What else could she do? Nat was pretty sure he didn't know that she had tasked JARVIS to keep an extra close eye on the doctor, though he was smart enough to guess that she had done something like that.

“My friends, excuse my tardiness”, Thor apologized and it was so weird to see Bruce, the timid and introverted scientist that open and boisterous.

“You're just in time.” Tony walked in, with Fury and Maria on his heel. Well, this was not going to be what Nat had expected or hoped for.

“No need to talk around it”, Maria said, “we know you're in the wrong body. So are we.” She gestured between her and Fury, who waved at the assembled Avengers.

Nat had no more energy left to be surprised or anything like that and just smiled at them.

The others seemed to feel like she did. “Great, so we're all in the same boat. Did you find anything out?”, Clint asked Tony, not even bothering with giving Fury or Maria a second glance.

“Yeah... You're not gonna like it.”

“Tony, I don't like menstruating, just out with it”, Steve groaned.

“Long story short, we're its hostages. We need to let it go, to sever the psychic connection it has to us.”

“So? Let's do it”, Nat shrugged. “Let it roam the galaxy or whatever.”

“What? And let it terrorize other planets?”, Steve threw in. “We can't let it do that.”

“Yeah, but I assume we're not the first planet it has graced with its presence”, she shrugged.

“We haven't”, Tony agreed with her. “It calls itself Tohuwabohu, a nomad, causing chaos wherever he goes.”

“Wow, it's not conceited at all, is it”, Clint scoffed and begrudgingly made room for Maria on the couch he had been sprawled out on. “But it does sound like our conscience shouldn't have to get in the way and let it go.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw Bruce jump a little. Conscience was probably the only reason he hadn't jumped off the tower. It was the same situation, though: Should the Avengers make it easy for themselves and doom another culture to suffer like that or should they just stick it out, get used to the new skin and keep that thing from torturing others? If Bruce were less polite, he would have probably walked out already; it was clearly written all over his face, Clint's face. She couldn't read Bruce Banner all that well yet; he was closed off and they hadn't been living together long enough for Nat to be able to properly read him. Clint was a different story, though. She knew his tells better than Clint knew them himself.

“I do have some readings it's not a lot but we can put our minds together and see what we come up with”, Tony suggested, “and if we still come up empty, we can have this discussion.”

He didn't sound very hopeful; being the one who had actually spoken to Tohuwabohu, he had a better read on the situation than anyone else.

“Are we in agreement?”

Solemn nods went through the round, at which Tony clapped his hands together. “Alrighty then. Before we get to that, though, I need to make fun of Cap.”

“Don't you dare laugh about my period”, Nat made clear and Tony's hands went up defensively.

“I would never”, he asserted. “No, it's more the appointment I had today.”

Steve turned red and put his head in his hands. “So I guess it was...”

“Oh yes, it was”, Tony grinned. Before anybody could urge him to satisfy their curiosity, Tony continued: “Our Captain here has been doing PSAs for high schools, leading to me recording a PSA about profanity, healthy sleeping patterns and drug abuse. Find the irony”, he added deadpan.

“That is gold!”, Clint wheezed.

“Please tell me they are super cheesy”, Nat laughed along.

“Any lactose-intolerant's nightmare.” Tony walked over and patted Steve's shoulder. “Before you try and weasel out of that Sesame Street contract though, you gotta get some girl a promotion.”

“Aha?”

“Mrs Carrigan, whoever that is, was not in today and her PA, Cecily Myers, took care of me.”

“Oh, I know who you mean”, Steve recalled, “she seems very friendly.”

“That she is. And definitely to good to be a PA.”

“Alright, I'll pull some strings once I'm me again.”

“Why don't you just do that?”, Nat asked Tony. He was influential enough, more so than any other Avenger.

“Because I don't know shit about the Department of Education and the people working there”, Tony explained. “Right then, Bruce. Let's get back to it, then.” He gestured for Bruce who silently followed him and once again ignored everybody.

Fuck.

As one after the other filed out of the room, all it took was for her to shoot Clint a look for him to hang back. At least their non-verbal communication worked well enough for him to read Thor's expressions.

“What's up?”

“I think you might need to talk to Bruce”, she explained once they had enough privacy.

“Alright... Some issues with my body or what?”

“You could say that...” She took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. “He's suicidal, but up until a few days ago he was in an unkillable body. He no longer is...”

“What?” Clint's eyes went wide as his jaw dropped. “Why the hell would he want to kill himself? He's one of the most renowned scientists!”

“And also the Hulk”, Nat continued. “I've never seen your face so filled with self-hatred as I have the last few days. I already told JARVIS to keep an eye on him, but I don't think that's enough. I also don't think we should tell everybody, because then he'll jump off the tower for good.”

“Fuck.” Clint looked up at her, somewhere between worry and fear. “Yeah, I'll get right on that.”

“Just don't make it worse, alright?”

“Doesn't seem to be possible.”

.-.-.-.-.

“Hey buddy”, Clint called out and grinned widely at Bruce. “How you doing?”

Bruce didn't even bother looking up at him. “You talked to Nat, huh?”

“Just a bit”, he admitted.

“Right then.” Bruce was not in the mood for this. He reached up and switched off the hearing aids, before diving back into the accumulated brainwave data.

From the corner of his eye he saw Clint furiously signing at him, to get Bruce's attention Damnit. If there was one thing he had learned about Clint was that he was persistent. Maybe even more so, now that he was inside Tony, if that was even possible. Fine. The quicker Bruce would get through this, the sooner he could go back to his work and wallowing in his feelings.

“What?”, he signed back.

“Please don't kill my body.”

“Nice to know where your priorities are at.” Bruce just rolled his eyes and, as Clint motioned to sign his apologies, he just waved him off. “Why though? Tony's body is younger, can hear and is filthy rich.”

Pleadingly, Clint locked eyes with Bruce. “But Clint has a wife and kids.”

Oh. That was news to Bruce... He wasn't sure what to say, but didn't have to.

“I know I never told anybody. Only Nat and Fury know. Nick helped me get them off the grid, where I'd like them to stay. I... I couldn't even call my son, tell him the mission went well. Or my daughter and listen to her toddler-babble...”

Clint's eyes teared up and he turned his head, somehow not wanting Bruce to see that he was emotional about missing his family. Which he deserved to do, of course.

But that shit just wasn't fair.

“I'm happy for you, I really am. But this whole game is rigged, isn't it? Thor goes back, he's the prince of Asgard. Tony goes back, he's the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. What do I get? A life of hiding away, of fear with no sign of it all ending.”

He banged his hand on the table, apparently quite loud, judging from Clint jumping.

“Just leave me be”, he whispered and turned his back on his friend.

.-.-.-.-.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! They couldn't do anything. Nothing, absolutely nothing to stop Tohuwabohu from fucking up their life any more. To keep from letting his frustrations out from Bruce and Helen, Tony went up to the penthouse. There were less tools he could throw around, but he had almost finished this bottle of whiskey and that was good enough.

And one big swig later, Tony could properly chuck it across the room and contently watch as it shattered into hundreds of tiny shards in a wonderful loud bang.

“You feel better now?” Pepper stood in the door, shooting him a small smile.

“Hey Pep”, he smiled back and, for a short glorious moment, he forgot everything about his current situation.

“I take it, things don't look too rosy...”

“They do not. If we want to get back, we need to let the Alien go again.”

“Oh.” She sat down next to Tony and looked over. “What do you want to do?”

“Currently I want to either kiss you or at least lie in your arms”, he grinned.

“I'd like that, too”. Pepper smiled back and leaned over. “I'll just keep my eyes closed”, she giggled, before pressing her lips against Tony's, well, Steve's.

And Tony just exploded in joy and love and his face beamed probably brighter than his arc reactor heart. “Oh, that was... I really missed that.”

“Yeah...” She leaned back and grinned up at him. “I do prefer your own lips, though.”

“I should hope so... But...”

“But I might have to get used to this body”, she finished his train of thought.

“I... I just don't know what to do.”

“Come here.” Pepper pulled his head into her lap and started to stroke his hair; the most calming and reassuring touch Tony had ever felt. “I can't tell you what to do. And I don't want to either. Just remember, I fell in love with you, not with your body.”

“I do look so much better than Cap though... I mean, I can appreciate his body, and that is one nice ass...”

When the hand stopped moving, Tony glanced through one eye to find her having an eyebrow raised. “Not sure I got this right: do you want to keep this behind or, once you got your own back, want to be with this behind instead?”

“I mean, maybe as a rebound, if I ever fuck this up”, he shrugged with a grin. “I don't plan on doing that, though.”

“You just assume that you'd get Cap in case we break up?”, Pepper shot back. “Maybe I like this body, too?”

“If you want to give it a test ride...”, he smirked, but the laugh bubbled through. “Maybe not though, this is a young, enhanced body, don't know if my body – in case of getting back - can keep up with that... Although I'm sure the real Steve'd be really grateful and a giver...”

“Tony”, Pepper interrupted him.

Probably a good idea, otherwise he would have probably gone into some very uncomfortable areas of Steve's sex life (or lack thereof). “Sorry. Back on topic... I don't know what's gonna happen... We're pretty divided. Nat and Clint campaign for letting that thing go, Fury, Hill and Steve want to keep working on a different solution, which is pretty useless if you ask me, Thor is just happy to be here, Bruce has been scary quiet on the whole thing and I just don't know anymore what's wrong or right.”

“What does Helen say?”

“She agrees that there's nothing we can do. The alien told me that there was nothing we could do and that fucker was right. We can't kill it; it's skin is tougher than Cap's shield. We can't inhibit it's psychic connection; we can't even properly compute its brainwaves! That goo is about as useful in our research as that glibber from Nickelodeon... It'd be easier to physically explain Thor's power than to get an upper hand on that thing!”

“Then that's what you need to make Steve, Maria and Nick understand.”

“And then?” Tony had no idea how all this could end.

“One thing at a time.” She went back to tousling his hair and Tony just leaned into the touch that somehow made him feel like everything's gonna be alright.

“Ok”, he nodded.

“Just like that you agree?”, she chuckled.

“You're the smart one in this relationship”, he shrugged and grinned up at her.

“Yeah, that's true”, she agreed and leaned down one more time and put a soft kiss on his forehead.

.

“So, listen up”, Tony announced, after all the Avengers had assembled in the common room. “We can't beat this thing. There is no scientific way to circumvent Tohu's psychic influence on us. There is also no way to kill it. Yes, me, Helen and Bruce are sure about that. We tried everything and there is nothing to argue about, we can't. We have two options: either we let it go or we just stay where we are; in the wrong body.”

“Are you sure...”

“Yes, Steve”, Tony interrupted him and just managed to keep at least mostly calm. “I would bet Pepper's life on that. There's nothing, absolutely nothing. You got that now?”

Steve nodded and silently went back to hugging his hot water bottle.

“Right then”, Fury took over. “Tony, what's your take?”

“I'm ready to be convinced either way”, he answered honestly.

“Fine. Who's got a proper opinion?”

“I do”, Nat made clear. “We do it. We let it go. Evolution has its reasons that we might not understand, but it survives this way.”

“Besides”, Clint continued, “the longer we leave it locked up a SHIELD, the more chances are there for it to spread throughout the institution.”

“And, if we let it go, there is no harm done to our world”, Nat finished their statement.

“But to others”, Steve countered.

“There are plenty of uninhabited planets for Tohuwabohu to settle on”, Thor explained. “Chance that he might find one of those is greater than to find a peopled world.”

“Is this really a chance we can take?”

“Yes”, Nat made very clear, and Tony could have sworn he heard thunder going off in the distance as she all but banged her fist on the table and stared Steve down. “Let's just let go of this fucker before bad things happen we can never undo.”

“You know something we don't?” All eyes were on Natasha, who didn't seem to give two shits about the attention on her outburst.

“As a rule, yes I do”, she shot back.

“Anything we need to know?”, Tony tried again, but was met with silence. He didn't have the strength to try and – speaking from experience – fail at getting information out of her, so he just turned back to Fury. “Alright, I'm convinced, let it go.”

“I guess I could learn to live with it, too”, Steve mumbled, looking anything but happy about it, though.

“Bruce, what about you?”

Even more so than usually, Bruce was quiet and withdrawn. Something must have happened that Tony didn't know about, probably something to do with Natasha pushing to release Tohu to the wide unknown.

“I don't want to go back into my body”, he made clear and looking over at Clint, Tony saw his own face dropping. “But”, the doc continued, “I can't keep Clint away from his. So fine.”

“Fine? You're with us?”, Natasha inquired, looking almost afraid of his answer.

“What's going on?”, Tony demanded to know and looked from Bruce to Clint to Natasha.

“Nothing”, Bruce clearly lied, before looking back at Natasha. “Yes.”

“Good”, she smiled, looking more than relieved.

“So, we're in agreement. Right, then me and Hill need to get back to DC and figure out how to send that thing back into outer space.”

.-.-.-.-.

And there they came, crawling back to him, having failed in their mission, just as Tohu told them they would. And now Fury and Hill stood in his cage, begging to know how they had to let him go.

“I want everybody here”, he eventually communicated. By the way both of them jumped, it was clear to see that neither had expected him to talk to them. It was a little fair, he hadn't been keen on chatting with them so far; he never planned on attaching to them, it happened admittedly by accident. Besides, ever since he had connected to the Avengers, as they called themselves, he had recognized the intelligence of the ones called Stark and Banner plus the Asgardian prince and figured that they'd be the only ones worth talking to. But now that they were ready to let him go, he wanted them all here.

“Uhm, you mean everybody you switched?”

“Yes”, he nodded. “I want to see all of my children, before I leave them forever.”

“We're not your children”, Maria made clear.

“Is this this teenage rebellion I have heard of?”

Both just rolled their eyes and strutted out of the room, to call the rest of the group, undoubtedly.

There had been many that tried to stand in his way, to stop him. Many planets had their so-called heroes and self-proclaimed Defenders; none of which had ever managed to stand in his way.

It was almost adorable, the hubris in which they assumed themselves to be stronger or smarter than Tohuwabohu, as if he weren't older than most their civilizations. They still kept on trying, no matter what he told them, like little children that never listened and instead threw a temper tantrum, until they realized they couldn't do shit and came crawling back.

It didn't take too long, for his door to open again and all his children to strut into his cage.

“There you are”, he greeted them, “I have been looking forward to this moment all week.”

“Yeah, me too.” The woman in the Asgardian's body looked ready to strangle him on the spot, very unladylike. But, if her thoughts were anything to go by, ladylike wasn't an adjective to describe her. So many dark thoughts, memories and emotions. Especially about one of her teammates...

“Banner”, he called out, “your friend seems deeply worried about you. And it seems, for good reasons...” If Natasha had dark thoughts, then Bruce's were pitch black.

“Stay out of my head”, Banner answered but, unlike the rest of the group, he had shied back, keeping at the back and fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

And immediately all the thoughts turned to the doctor with the self-hatred. Somewhere between worry and confusion and maybe, just maybe, it would be best for them to have it all out in the open. And if it didn't help them, Tohu had more than enough drama and confusion to feast his eyes on.

“Bruce, your feelings are valid and understandable. I'm just glad I could offer you the possibility to confront them and maybe even a chance to get out.”

“Get out of what?”

The Avengers were no longer quiet and turned to their doctor.

“Don't listen to him”, Bruce shot back, “it's his shtick to create confusion.”

“Oh, you are a horrible liar”, Tohu chuckled. “But those weren't the only feelings to be searched, were they, Tony?”

Stark rolled his eyes and turned back to him. “What?”

“You had plenty of chances to do some soul-searching yourself, did you? Being the man your father idolized and ignored you in favour of...”

“That's enough”, Rogers called. “You are aware of our intentions so there is no need for further aggravation and instead tell us how you'll be able to leave the atmosphere.”

“My dear... There is no need to take your frustrations out on me. Just because you're still mourning the loss of the love of your life... At least Peggy is still alive...”

“Wait, Aunt Peggy isn't the love of your life?” Tony turned to Steve with wide eyes and the wonderfulness of the rising tension, plus the deep blush on Steve's face, send shivers all through Tohu's body. Now, who was next?

“Clint.” He turned to the archer next. “How was life in the limelights, after hiding everything and everyone away?”

“You fucker leave my wife and kids out of this”, Clint thought. At least he was smart enough not to voice it out loud, rather commendable, Tohu had to give him that.

“My apologies. At least one of you seems to have his anger under control, isn't that right, Thor, Son of Odin?”

“Do not speak of things you do not know about.”

“Oh, but I have been on Asgard once before. I believe it was many, many a century before you were born. It was not much to look at, but if the pictures in your mind are anything to go by, your planet and civilization has blossomed beautifully. Maybe I should visit it once more...”

“DON'T EVEN THINK TO GO NEAR MY PEOPLE!” As expected, the god of thunder lost it, and a beautifully green shine crossed his skin.

“Thor, buddy, trust me, please.” Bruce took his stance in front of Thor and put his hands on the god's shoulders. “You do trust me, don't you?”

“I shall not let this creature terrorize my kin”, he growled, a little calmer but still wonderfully close to hulking out.

“And he won't”, Bruce promised him. “But Hulk can't help right now, we need Thor and his knowledge of space to make sure that Asgard will be alright.”

“You're right.” With a sigh, Thor let his head drop. “I'm terribly sorry, my dear friends that my temper keeps on endangering us.”

“Like I said before”, Bruce smiled, “it's not your fault.”

“Aw, isn't this adorable! Can we expect a happy announcement soon? Oh please, invite me to your wedding!”

“Is this supposed to be insulting?” Thor and Bruce both turned to Tohu. “For Bruce is a formidable person, of incredible strength, knowledge and anybody should be lucky to have him by their side.”

“But Bruce doesn't believe that about himself, does he?”

“Alright, I've had it.”

The way the Avengers looked at Bruce with wide eyes, nobody seemed to expect the doctor's outburst. Banner didn't seem to care or notice their shock, as he walked all the way up to the glass separating them.

“So, you want to out all our secrets, hoping we'll jump at each other's throats? You didn't need to switch us for that, we've been pretty successful at that ourselves before you came and screwed everything up. I mean, look at us for heaven's sake. There's an obnoxious spoilt brat of a genius, a moralistic veteran from World War 2, the guy from Norse mythology, the scariest and toughest woman you'll ever meet, the world's best archer and I mean, I don't think I have to say anything about myself. And now you just want to out our secrets? I mean, come on”, he groaned with an exaggerated eyeroll. “They all know I'm suicidal, I've told them that before. We all know that Stark has daddy issues and that Clint, who makes his living as a spy, keeps secrets from us. And everybody who knows a bit about Captain America and has half a brain, realizes that the relationship he had with Sgt Barnes was straight-washed by historians. So, what the fuck do you think you could do to us that we don't already do to ourselves?”

Huh. Not the drama Tohu had expected to break out, apparently he had not estimated the Avengers relationships correctly. It was drama nonetheless, and enough for Tohu. “Well said, Banner”, he praised him. “I see that there is not much more dysfunctionality to be brought upon you.”

“Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo”, Bruce deadpanned. “So, how do we get rid of you?”

“Let me out of here and I'll fly off. You do realize that I have wings, right?”

Apparently they did not. But that was none of Tohu's problems, as soon as he will be under a clear sky he can go find another place to reek havoc.

“Go ahead, discuss how you'll smuggle me out of here without SHIELD noticing. I'm not going anywhere.”

As the Avengers filed out, there weren't too many exciting thoughts, mostly a bunch of very colourful and creative swearwords directed at Tohu. All he could hope was that they were just as creative when it came to escape plans and he would be out of this world in no time.

.-.-.-.-.

“Well, that went about as smooth as figure skating in the desert...”, Clint remarked as he made himself comfortable in Fury's office.

“What a wonderful picture”, Natasha deadpanned and leaned against the wall behind the archer. “But your lyrical abilities and some interpersonal shit aside, let's deal with that fucker over there for now. I don't assume that SHIELD would let it go if we told them to.”

“That is not going to happen”, Fury agreed, “which means we need to stage a break out.”

“Which isn't too hard”, Nat shrugged. “Stage a distraction, cap the security cams, open the doors and let the thing fly off.”

“Right, simple as that”, Fury scoffed. “May I remind you that your current body isn't all that equipped to sneaking around and being inconspicuous?”

“So? Steve has snuck into Hydra bases before, he can do that again.”

“You mean in a body that he can barely stand up straight in?”

“Then let Clint do it. He can sneak, can work Tony's body and cut the feed.”

“And what sort of distraction did you have in mind?” Ugh, Fury's pessimism was exhausting.

She just nodded at Thor

“Would you be alright with that?” Bruce turned to Thor, looking so much softer than only a few minutes ago while ranting at Tohuwabohu.

“I assume the plan is for me to hulk out, so the agents of SHIELD shall leave their posts.”

“That's the idea, yeah.”

“I am aware that it is our best shot, I am afraid of hurting you, though.”

“I trust you, remember?”, Bruce smiled.

“We all do”, Tony continued.

“Then I shall trust your trust.” Thor nodded and locked eyes with each of the assembled Avengers.

And that's what they did. Natasha and Bruce accompanied Thor to the far end of SHIELD HQ, while Maria took Clint to the security room and Tony, Steve and Fury headed to Tohu's cage to let him out.

“Well, Thor, now's your chance” Nat prompted him.

“I am not sure how to switch it on or off though.”

“Well you better”, Bruce shrugged, “otherwise Tohu might make his next stop on Asgard. Your parents might be safe, I'm not sure if they would be able to get to Loki in time, what with him being in the dungeons...”

“This creature shall not lay a hand on my brother!” Taking Bruce's bait, Thor started to turn green.

“What if he stayed on earth though and ran into Jane and Professor Selvig?”

Nat doubted it needed this last comment, but in any way it helped to push Thor over the edge and with a loud growl Bruce's clothes ripped and the damn rage monster was back.

Fuck.

“CODE GREEN!”, Bruce cried out and thankfully, some nearby soldiers pressed the panic button or something, Nat did not really pay it any attention, she had to focus on Hulk, on where he was and on how to best avoid being close to dying again...

In a matter of seconds, they were surrounded by agents, having their guns pointed at Thor, who growled loudly and punched at everything that came to him.

“DON'T CROWD HIM”, Nat called out.

“That only makes it worse”, Bruce continued.

Hopefully they were quick with letting that thing go, the longer Hulk raged around, the harder it'd be to turn him back.

It were two endlessly long seeming minutes, until a loud crashing sound even drowned out Hulk's growling. All eyes went over to where Tohu was once captive and before Nat knew what happened, everything went dark as the Alien took to the skies and blocked out the sun.

The tumult that broke out when Thor hulked out was nothing compared to what went  down now. All the agents seemed to have forgotten Hulk as they hurried around, trying to shoot the asshole down.

“Bruce, now”, she hissed over and the doc walked up to Hulk. Like the other day he had his hands held out as he carefully took step after step.

“Hey buddy”, he smiled, “you see, it's over.” He gestured towards Tohu, flying in circles above them, circling higher and higher. “Soon enough everything will be alright again, we'll get back to normal. Our plan worked.”

Thor just stared after the disappearing Alien, before looking down on Bruce.

“It's alright, buddy”, he assured him. “The sun's getting low.”

The big green hand slowly came down and Hulk put his hand in Bruce's. “Sun's getting real low, buddy.”

.

“Well, that was a success”, Fury commented, when about half an hour later everybody sat in his office again. Still in the wrong bodies, but Tohu probably wasn't far enough away yet. Or he tricked them all and they were doomed to remain in the wrong skin and had let their only chance for normalcy – at least their enhanced, super-human and alien normalcy – go. Nobody dared to voice this fear out loud, but Nat was sure they all thought it.

“Thor, you did perfectly”, Steve praised the god who was wrapped up in a blanket and more asleep than awake on one of the chairs.

“Thank you, dear friend”, he smiled back. “I hope it was not for nothing.”

“At least nobody will know it was us who let it go”, Clint shrugged, so apparently everything went well in the surveillance area.

“Well, me and Fury got a lot to deal with, so you six better head out before all hell breaks loose and all we can do is hope for the best.”

.-.-.-.-.

When Tony woke up it was still dark out. Groggily he glanced through an half-open eye to the moon shining in through the window. He had to fight to fully open his eyes and he sat up to look around the common room where he must have fallen asleep, as did the other Avengers.

Ugh, every of his joints creaked and cracked as he sat up. Wait, why would that be, if he was in Steve's 20-something year old enhanced body?

It could mean only one thing... He looked down and almost couldn't believe his eyes: blue light from the arc-reactor was lighting up his chest and yes, he was wearing an ACDC shirt, and no longer these horribly tight shirts Steve ran around in.

“JARVIS, who am I?” Last test.

“You are Anthony Edward Stark, born on...”

“Thanks J, that'll be all. YO, UP AND AT 'EM!”, he yelled at the Avengers around him.

“What is it now? Wait, my voice... OMIGOD, IT WORKED!”, Clint cried out and in joy jumped up on the couch, where Steve was patting his chest to make sure that he didn't have boobs anymore.

It was, weirdly enough, Thor, who motioned for them to quiet down. “Friends, do not disturb our doctor, he needs his rest.” He put the blanket, that had fallen off the couch, back over Bruce's torso.

“Right then.” Nat motioned for them to leave Bruce be and the Avengers assembled again in the kitchen. “Thor, don't take this personally, but fuck, I'm so glad to be myself again.”

“No offence taken”, Thor smiled back at her. “thank you for taking care of my body these last few days.”

“Yeah, Steve I'd like to say the same thing to you, but...”

Steve blushed and was about to apologize his ass off, before Nat continued. “I'm kidding. You did well, considering what you were up against.”

“Thanks... And Tony, I guess you made more than enough... Tony?” As they looked around, they realized them being one genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist short. “Where did he go?”

“Three guesses”, Nat shot back, pretty sure he had run off to Pepper, the second he saw he was himself again.

.

“PEPPER!” Only when Tony ran into the penthouse and was greeted by a very tired, still half-asleep looking Pepper, he bothered to check the time. 3.47am. Whoops. “Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, but...”

“Tony, is it you?”

“Yeah”, he beamed, “I'm me again!”

“Finally!”, she sighed and threw herself at him and pressed their lips together. If Tony didn't get to do anything else besides kissing Pepper for the rest of his life, he would be a-ok with that.

“I love you so, so, so much”, he sighed and melted into her touch.

“And I love you”, she smiled against his lips.

“So, I guess it wasn't really a perfect victory, but good enough to celebrate it, don't you think?”

“How subtle.” Pepper broke away from the kiss, giggling. “I'd love to celebrate with you”, she grinned and pulled him towards the bedroom. “The bed has been way to empty without you in it.”

.-.-.-.-.

“Hey Bruce, you busy?” Nat put her head through the lab door. Ever since they had woken up to their normal skins three days ago, she had kept her distance and Bruce had been waiting for her to show up.

“What's up?” He looked up from his microscope.

“I'm kidnapping you”, she smiled.

“Very funny.”

“But true. Come on.” She gestured for him to follow her.

“Fine...” Damnit. If Bruce didn't follow her right now, she would probably drag him to where ever by his ankles. “You gonna tell me where you're taking me?”, he asked as he hurried to catch up to her.

“We're gonna drive a bit”, was the only thing she told him direction wise and tossed a helmet at him. Great, per motorbike.

So, holding on to Nat's torso, they rode out of New York. Bruce wasn't gonna admit it, but it was actually really nice and a lot of fun. And Nat was a good driver. A little fast, but not dangerously so and Bruce just enjoyed the view as they drove past less and less houses and more and more greenery.

Until they reached a farmhouse, in front of which Nat stopped and motioned for Bruce to get off.

Before he could ask where they were and what they were doing here, the door opened and a small boy came running towards them. “AUNTIE NAT!”

“Cooper!”, she beamed and, once he jumped into her arms, whirled the boy through the air. “How're you doing?”

“So good! Daddy and I worked on the treehouse and Mummy just made dinner and you're just in time to eat.”

“Perfect, I'm starving”, Nat grinned, before she turned to Bruce, who so far had only stared at her with wide eyes. She was grinning, almost giggly. “That's Bruce. He's a friend of me and Daddy's.”

“Hi Bruce”, the kid smiled at him. “Are you also staying for dinner?”

“He is, yes”, Nat answered for Bruce, who was still a little overwhelmed at the sight of Natasha Romanoff of all people being cute and cuddly.

“Great.” The boy jumped out of Nat's arm and took each of the grown ups by their hands and pulled them after him towards the farmhouse, where they were greeted by a woman, around Natasha's age, with a little girl in her arm.

“NASHA!”, the girl giggled and stretched her little arms out towards her.

“Hey, Lila”, she cooed and took the girl in her arm. “Laura, it's so good to see you!”

“You too”, the woman smiled back and hugged Nat and the little girl. “And I assume you're Bruce”, she greeted him and held her hand out. “I'm Laura. That's Cooper and that's Lila.”

“It's so nice to meet you all”, he smiled, slightly overwhelmed at this little family and why exactly he was here.

“And to meet you, too. I guess you already know my husband”, she grinned and behind her, Clint appeared.

“Tasha, Bruce, good to see you.”

Of fucking course. This was Clint's family, the people Bruce was asked to keep Clint's body safe for.

“Auntie Nat said they stay for dinner.”

“Of course, we didn't drive all the way for nothing.”

.

“So, you looked after my Clint's body the last few days?”, Laura asked, as Clint and Nat put the kids to bed.

“You could say that”, he shrugged. “I feel like I should apologize, though, as I take it your existence is supposed to be a secret.”

“I believe a smart scientist like you can keep it”, she winked and handed him a cup of tea.

“Thanks.” Together they headed to the living room and made themselves comfortable. From a few rooms over, Bruce could hear giggling, as Nat and Clint told some dramatic bed time story. “I've never seen either of them like that”, he remarked.

“Yeah”, Laura nodded, and took a sip of tea. “Nat barely shows anybody a side that's not completely controlled and stoic. Same with Clint. I know he's not a serious guy, but Avenger's Clint is quite the burdened guy. Until he and Auntie Nat come home.”

“If I'm being honest, I never pictured him to be the family type”, Bruce admitted. “I mean, with his time at the circus, then SHIELD...”

“Yeah, he doesn't really fit the type... But he is an incredible dad and Nat is an amazing Auntie.”

“Well, this last week has certainly be informative”, Bruce eventually chuckled.

“That I believe... Listening to Thor and Tony Stark telling me they love me was a little weird to say the least.”

Bruce couldn't help but laugh. “That I believe. I think Tony and Pepper went through pretty much the same thing...”

“Yes, Clint mentioned something about kissing Pepper...”

“I think the word 'clusterfuck' perfectly summarized these last few days.”

“Well, if anybody gets through that, it's Earth Mightiest Heroes, isn't it?”, she grinned.

“We definitely create enough chaos being the six of us without needing some mind-reading Alien to do that for us.”

“But when you need each other you're there and get yourselves out of the messes, no matter whether created by an Alien or your own doing.”

“I guess...” From the kids' room, he heard Nat and Clint laughing and couldn't help the smile. “No idea, when or how it happened, but I guess we need each other...”

“Then I'm happy to lend you Clint every now and again”, she grinned and Bruce just smiled back.

“And I promise all of us will do everything in our power to always bring him back to you.”

Laura took Bruce's hands in hers and gently squeezed them. She didn't say anything, but didn't have to; Bruce clearly received all her gratefulness.

Sure, once the excitement of this body switch was over and Bruce was back in his lab, hiding behind science and his microscope, the fucked up feeling of his Hulk-sized depression would soon enough catch up with him again. But at least for right now he could appreciate being kept from doing something stupid and well, with Natasha, Clint, Thor, Tony and Steve caring about him like that, maybe the future wouldn't be too bad.

[spaztronautwriter]

The Proposal (an Olicity fic)

Summary: When Felicity Smoak finds herself in a bind, she enlists the help of her assistant Oliver Dearden to help her keep her from being deported and losing her job. The problem is, in order to do so, they kind of have to get married...

A/N: I'm so close to finishing the next chapter of The Donor I can taste it, but I figured I'd post this in the meantime. I've literally had this sitting in my Google docs since August 2016. It was originally one fairly large first chapter that I've broken down into three. After these three chapters are posted I don't know when the next update will be, but I will circle back to it. Promise :)

Read on AO3

###

Felicity Smoak ignored the burning of her muscles, pushing herself harder as early morning sun began to bathe the living room in its pinkish-yellow glow. The mechanical sounds of the elliptical created a harsh juxtaposition to the sunrise outside the floor to ceiling windows of her apartment. She hated cardio, but it was a moment of peace at the start of what would no doubt be a very busy day. A moment to herself.

Felicity wasn't the type of woman who got many moments to herself. She took what she could get, but, honestly, she liked it that way. She was career-oriented and rarely had time for anything—or anyone—outside of work. Her mother had never understood. "That's all you do is work," she'd argue. "Work, work, work, work, work, work, work." But that's just who Felicity was. It's who she'd always been. Since college, since... Cooper. She'd turned to work to keep her busy and, well it made her happy, she enjoyed it. Why wouldn't she? Work was a constant, it was always there for her, unlike many of the people in her life. And Felicity was good at it. Her recent promotion to Vice President of Palmer Tech had won her a spot on a 30 under 30 list. She was a well respected genius in her field who was currently dominating a very testosterone rich environment and she was happy.

Felicity quickly finished up on the elliptical and headed for the shower. She had plenty of time before work, but she wanted to get there early. Today was an important day, and she was, after all, a busy woman.

###

She’d no sooner stepped off the elevator onto the executive floor, than her assistant was handing her a cup of coffee. It was a to-go cup from her favorite coffee shop and she took a long sip before reaching for the files he was holding.

“Are these the reports from R&D?” she asked, heels rapping on the tile as she moved quickly towards her office.

Oliver pulled the door open for her, following her inside. “Yes. And the latest Gideon update—the one you asked for—is on top.”

Felicity nodded, dropping the folders onto her desk and taking another sip of coffee. She placed it on the desk, followed by her bag. The folders from last night’s paperwork joined today’s folders on her desk, then she pulled out her tablet and sat down to get to work. That’s when she noticed a loopy, flowing script on the side of her coffee cup. She picked it up, looking at the message.

"Who is Carrie Cutter and why does she want me to call her?" she asked, glancing up at her assistant.

Oliver actually blushed. "Sorry," he said ducking his head. "She must have thought that one was mine."

"Would you like me to save it for you?" she asked, with a teasing smile.

"No. Thank you," he laughed with a roll of his eyes.

He always did that when women hit on him. And they hit on him a lot. Whether they were out to lunch or in the middle of a meeting, women—some single, some not so single—always found an opportunity to flirt with her assistant. Felicity had gotten used to it by now. The man was gorgeous. She couldn't exactly blame them.

"Did you call Kord's assistant? Whatshername? The one with the... you know, the ugly hands?" Felicity asked, sorting the paperwork she'd gotten done last night into a pile for Oliver to take.

"Taiana," Oliver said. "Yes, I called her. Kord is coming in at 1:30pm and I've got lunch from the food truck you like being delivered. Also your immigration lawyer called, he said he really needs you to—"

"I'll get back to him," Felicity dismissed, already pulling up her notes for the Kord meeting on her tablet. "I added a few points I'd like included in the presentation. I sent them to you last night, so please make sure they're in there. We need this meeting to go well."

"I know and it will. And when it does..." Oliver drawled, circling her desk to pick up the stack of folders that now needed filing, "will you look into Curtis Holt's powercell project again?" "Oliver," she sighed. He was a good assistant and she considered him her friend, but his obsession with Curtis's side project, a battery that could theoretically store enough energy to power an entire city block for five years, was testing her patience. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the idea—she thought it was incredible—but it was a high risk project that the company just didn’t have the money to fund at the moment. "You know I can't just okay a project like that. It's expensive and time consuming. Curtis is working on other things..." "Ms. Smoak, the benefits of something like that... Have you even read his proposal, really read it?" He turned to a small filing cabinet behind her desk and began to open it. "Oliver," she snapped. She didn't have time for this. Not today. "Benefits or not, the answer is no. Maybe in the future, but not right now." It was like he deflated, his shoulders slumping, and he shook his head. "Fine. Do you need anything else, Ms. Smoak?" With a shake of her head, she looked away as Oliver turned to leave. She felt awful about always turning down his ideas. Since he'd started working for her she'd realized that Oliver wasn't just an assistant. She honestly didn't know how he'd even gotten that job. Oliver Dearden seemed to be better suited for the board room than his small office in the cubicle outside of her's. He was charismatic and charming, a hard worker who loved big ideas. He was always pulling projects he thought would benefit not only the company, but the world. Unfortunately, most of Oliver's projects—like Curtis' powercell—required money and attention the company just couldn't spare right now. Maybe if they got this joint venture with Kord locked down...

Felicity shook her head. She couldn't make promises to Oliver, even in her own head. She was the Vice President of a struggling company. She had to be realistic, and with their budget… They were just lucky they weren't at the point where layoffs were necessary.

After an hour and a half of reading over project proposals, most of which would never see the light of day, she decided to head down to Barry's lab to see where he, Caitlin and Cisco were at on their Gideon interface. It was a huge aspect of this Kord project, and the more she knew about its status the better.

Just as she was getting up Oliver's voice rang through her intercom.

"Ms. Smoak, Mr. Palmer would like to see you in the conference room in ten minutes."

"Of course," she said, taking a moment to gather all of her notes for the Kord meeting. She assumed Ray wanted to meet to go over all of the last minute details. This meeting was only the first of many, but it was important it all go according to plan.

When she stepped out of her office Oliver was on the phone, so she gave him a brief smile before turning to leave.

"I'll try, Thea," he sighed. "It's the best I can do. Fine. Bye." She heard him stand up and start to follow her. "Ms. Smoak?" "Yes, Oliver?" she said, turning to see him matching her pace as they headed for the conference room.

"It's my sister's birthday this weekend."

"This weekend?" she asked, coming to a stop. "No! Not this weekend."

"Well," Oliver deadpanned, "I can't exactly stop her birthday from being this weekend."

"Oliver, no. This meeting with Kord is preliminary. We're going to be working all weekend to have everything sorted out for the meeting with the board next week. You know that."

"I do," Oliver said, "but it's also my sister's twentieth birthday. Let me take Friday afternoon and Saturday and I'll be back Sunday to—" "No!" Felicity said again, starting to panic. "Oliver, I need you on this. You know I don't trust anyone else." Oliver closed his eyes for a moment and when he glanced back at her it was with annoyance. "Why can't Palmer help you? It's his company." Felicity scowled. "Ray is helping. He'll be here all weekend, too." "Oh, so what? I'm just here to fetch you two things while you awkwardly flirt with one another?" Oliver grumbled. "That is so not what is happening," Felicity said. "Ray and I do not—" "Don't finish that sentence if it's going to be a lie," Oliver said, raising one hand in front of him. "And it's fine. I'll just disappoint my sister on her birthday. No big deal." He shrugged. "At least it gets me out of seeing my parents." "There you go. There's always a silver lining. Besides you can make it up to her after this deal is done." Felicity smiled thinly, ignoring his tone and trying not to feel too bad about forcing him to work. She needed him, it was for the good of the company. With his help, this joint venture might go smoothly, and if it did it could mean saving a lot of jobs in the long run. Oliver missing one birthday wasn't that big a sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.

They stopped in front of the conference room doors. Felicity did a mental check of the rest of her afternoon and said, "I don't know how long this will take, but let me know if it's getting close to 1:00pm or if anything major happens or—" 

"Felicity," Oliver said, a small smile tugging at his lips. He almost never called her by her first name, and Felicity found herself wishing that he would. "We've got this. Go study up with Palmer and then you two can wow Kord this afternoon."

Felicity gave him a quick smile, which he returned with a wink, before she pushed through the conference room doors.

[cece2046]

Close the Curtain - Chap 4

@reynardinepttr​ This is my beta. She’s the kindest person in this world.

@sissannis​ @midnightweeds​ Okay it’s here!

AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12922338/chapters/30998811

FFN: It’s not appearing so

It turns out that Hermione determined to better her promise, so she got two assistants instead of one. I don’t like either of them. Luke Nott is just out of Hogwarts. He’s smart. He’s rich. He’s an arrogant little shit. According to the simpering witches outside of the book shop, he’s handsome, too.

“Just ignore them,” he said. “I’ve gotten used to it but it can’t be comfortable for you, right?”

My teeth are suffering so much from my endurance.

“You’re such a Lockhart.” Hermione shook her head. She’s only half concentrating, though. Most of her attention is on the books written in languages I don’t know.

You have to pay the price if you want to tag along with the woman you love and her Adonis of a personal assistant.

“What’s a Lockhart?” Nott’s confusion seems authentic.

“Oh Merlin, I always feel old when young people don’t get my references” she complained.

“You being you, they probably don’t know your references due to ignorance instead of age gap.”

I gritted my teeth so hard I could break them.

“Compliments will get you nowhere, Nott.” She rolled her eyes.

“I say what I mean. I’m an honest person, Ms Granger.” He stressed her name unnecessarily.

“If you’re waiting for me to say ‘just call me Hermione’, don’t get your hopes up. Keep calling me Ms Granger without the attitude, boy.”

“I’m not a boy anymore! I’m a man! You need proof?” Nott sounds offended.

“A man doesn’t offer proof, boy, ” she said. “You make me feel like Alastor Moody, and that’s really not a good feeling, if you know what I mean, but you don’t.” She pointed at him with an admonishing finger, “if you ask who’s Alastor Moody, I’m gonna scream.”

He just winked at her. I don’t think he knows who Moody is.

I don’t even know if they’re flirting or not. I’m becoming dumb in this department all because of her.

“Where’s your other slave?” I asked, stepping between Nott and her as casually as I can.

“I thought I have them both here?” She smiled mischievously at me.

“Silver guy is on a mission that my mistress refused to tell me,” Nott said, making doe eyes. “The blatant lack of trust is hurtful.”

“I didn’t make an Unbreakable Vow with you. That’s enough trust,” Hermione said. “You’re welcome to resign, get obliviated, and leave at any time.”

“You agreed to an obliviation clause in your contract?” Now I’m a little impressed by this young boy.

“Relax. I’m not gonna need it,” he said. “I’m never resigning. I’m helping Ms Granger accomplish her grand research, get my name in every publication and be famous.”

I feel old next to him. Human beings are not supposed to be this optimistic. It’s almost hilarious.

I need to talk to Hermione about this.

“You haven’t proved your competence,” she said. “I might not add your name to it.”

“Hey!” He protested, one hand to his heart in a dramatic pose.

“Cut the crap. I’m too old for this.” She turned to the stairs to the second floor.

Nott was beside me. We shared a moment of silence. I was thinking. He’s probably appreciating Hermione’s backside.

“Mind your claws, Nott,” I warned. “She’s got people who can crush you.”

He turned his eyes on me, dark orbs shining. “Oh, she can crush me all by herself.”

“What are you researching?”

He shrugged. “Confidential, though I thought she would share it with you, ” he smirked. “Aren’t you the godson of our legendary Auror Harry Potter? Don’t tell me you’re not in the loop?”

“That’s not even a question,” I deadpanned.

He snorted. “You’re not my senior. You’re not even that much older than me. We have the same chance, pal.”

“The same chance of what?”

He made a gesture to upstairs and stepped away, laughing.

Merlin, if James grows up to be this shitty and annoying, I’ll personally send him to a muggle boarding school to learn manners.

But first, I need to talk to Hermione.

It’s not easy to get her alone in a book shop, but I managed in the end. The Academic-Star-To-Be stepped out to have a cigarette. I caught Hermione in an obscure corner where all I can see is books about plants. We’re safe as long as Professor Longbottom doesn’t show up.

“He’s dangerous, you know.”

She didn’t turn around. She’s still checking up the shelves. “Yeah, as dangerous as a baby dragon.”

“Why would you think baby dragons are less - never mind.” I stepped closer to her. “I know you’re doing something dangerous. You need someone you can count on, not a naive school boy.”

Her voice is cold. “Don’t tell me what I need, Teddy.”

I don’t know where my fury comes from. This is the first time I’ve seen her since our encounter on the staircase one month ago. She smiled. She joked. She’s totally normal, which is infuriating. How can she be this in control? How can I not?

“I know exactly what you need,” I said.

She turned around this time. We’re so close. I can see my reflection in her eyes.

“Then you’d be wrong,” she said.

Closer.

“Why deny this?” I asked. “Why deny me? You can’t just pause your life for work. Things happen when they’re supposed to happen.”

“Maybe they’re not supposed to happen now,” she whispered.

Closer.

“I don’t follow.”

“That’s my intention.”

Closer.

“May I kiss you?”

When she answered, I can literally feel her lips move and disturb the air between us.

“No.”

I was shaking out of frustration when I left the book shop. Nott was still smoking. He raised his hand with the cigarette to me as a goodbye, a smirk on his lips.

I want to shout. I want to cry. I want to punch someone or run for ten miles or get a girl in a pub and fuck her brains out. For a moment back there I thought about kissing her anyway, but it wouldn’t be right, and I want this to be right.

I’ve got so much pent-up emotion that when I bumped into Draco Malfoy outside of my office, I snapped. “Watch it!”

The senior assistant of Hermione Granger looked me in the eye and responded in that old Malfoy way we wizards and witches know so well. “I see you still have Potter’s manners.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Seeing him doesn’t help with my mood at all.

He just tilted his head, regarded me for a moment, and left.

I watched him leave. His black coat disappeared around the corner. Draco Malfoy is over-qualified to be Hermione’s assistant and run her errands, though I have no idea what he does for real. He’s got his family fortune, so he doesn’t need a job. He has been seen here and there, attending galas, making investments, or serving Wizengamot duties, which might be the closest to a job he had.

So it’s both unexpected and suspicious that he agreed to be an assistant for Hermione. I still remember it being talked about it on dinner table even when Hermione’s not there.

“Always an over-achiever, taking two Slytherins” Ginny would say.

“Two high-maintainance Slytherins, no less” Ron would shrug. He always seems like he doesn’t care much about everything and just goes along with his life. He’s not fooling me.

Harry’s just worried. He knows what’s going on, but he chooses not to explain.

As for me? I’m ready to jump out of my skin. The full moon’s coming. I won’t change, but I can still feel it looming. It’s a strange feeling. You feel the moon wherever you are, no matter what you’re doing. There’s no pain involved, but a lot of restlessness. After all these years, I still let it bother me. I think I can shut it out if I really put my mind to it, but the truth is, I don’t want to. I allow myself to embrace the awareness just like my father all those years ago. Well, not just like. I’m sure his experience was far worse. Still, it’s a connection. It reminds me every month that my father existed once, and a part of him is in me now.

Sometimes all I want is to talk to him. Imagining it is hard, because I don’t even know him. I have no idea what his response would be.

What do I do, dad? What do I do when she just keeps saying no over and over again?

I want to tell her that it’s not right to do that to people you love. (I’m presuming here. Indulge me.) You don’t refuse. You don’t say no. Because one day, some day, they might stop asking.

I want to tell her that I will stop asking if she keeps this on, but deep down I know that’s not true. Deep down I know that I’m just like my mother. I’ll keep asking exactly the same way young Nymphadora Tonks did over twenty years ago.

But that doesn’t mean I have to stop my life until she says yes.

So I’m back in the Leaky Cauldron now. The alley at the back of the bar, really. The young brunette, whose name I forgot the moment I learned of it, knelt in front of me and took my cock into her mouth. I leaned back on the filthy wall, closed my eyes, and willed my mind to focus on the waves of pleasure instead of other things, such as Hermione’s lips when she said no, her eyes with the ghosting of tears, her ankle in my hand - I imagined kissing her calf, and up, and up, and she sighed and melted under my lips, head tilted back, hands moving in my hair, and I just kissed all the way up to her warm and wet core -

I came without a sound.

And then it started to rain. It’s weirdly romantic.

“Oh fuck.” The brunette said, hastily spit and stood up. “I hate rain. Too damn much in Scotland. I wish I could move to Australia.”

I kissed her to shut her up, tasting myself on her tongue. I hate both myself and her a little that moment. Maybe even Hermione, too. I can feel her hands moving, raindrops on my eyelashes, greasy wall under my palm -

And then the back door opened, laughter pouring out in waves, and someone stepped out. I barely paid any attention, forcing myself to kiss all my feelings away until all that’s left to fuck this woman is a shell, but something’s not right with the silence that followed.

I ended the kiss and turned my head. There she is. Hermione Granger. She’s in a long black coat and grey scarf. Her hair was pulled into a messy chignon, exposing her ever elegant and slender neck. She just stood there, one hand in the pocket, another holding an unlit cigarette, eyes on me with an unreadable look.

We looked at each other silently for a moment that stretched for so long that the girl who’s being pinned under me felt that something’s going on. She opened her eyes and turned to where I was staring at.

“Hey! Do you mind?”

I stepped back instinctively and moved to Hermione, but she shook her head imperceptibly, turned, and walked right back into the bar. The door opened and closed again. Sounds of people rushed out like a portal to another universe. The last thing I saw under the light from inside is her fingers holding the frame of the door.

I didn’t go after her. I stayed. I took the brunette to a muggle hotel and fucked the night away. I didn’t want to talk to Hermione. I didn’t want to explain anything. I felt like shit. I didn’t even want to see her that night, not even a little bit.

The coat and scarf she wore- I’ve seen them on a different person. Today,  outside my office. He commented on my manners.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Fic Idea: WtNV/Twilight crossover

Wherein Bella hails not from Phoenix, Arizona, but from a friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead on a regular basis.

 And dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park.

Fandoms: Twilight (books, probably movies too? Haven’t seen them), Welcome to Night Vale (podcast)

Warnings: everything Welcome to Night Vale-related. [So, cosmic horror, Librarian-caliber violence and gore, etc.] On the other hand, at least there’s semi-healthy relationships, here? Semi-unreliable narrator, because growing up in Night Vale makes for a skewed reference frame re: what is and is not sane and/or impossible.

Under the cut because of reasons. [You know why.]

 Bella's mother and stepfather were a bit whimsical about where they'd end up living, and chose the classic 'throw a dart on a map'.

In one life, the dart might've landed near Phoenix, and the rest would have been history.

In this one, however…Renee's (I think that's what her name is, it's been years since I last touched the books) aim was slightly off when she threw the dart.

Bella still visits her father regularly, of course.

 So she knows some things are slightly off, but thinks it’s Forks that’s pretty weird. She only visits for a few months out of every year, though, so she shrugs it off.

 The older she gets, the more she realizes some things are lost in translation; it's her father that recommends she join the Girl Scouts, but seems to think she's joking when she talks about earning her Controlling Plants with Minds patch., and by the time she's gotten her Radiation Immunity patch she's given up telling him just what her troop gets up to.  

The camping trips, where she befriends Jacob Black and shows off her Surviving in Nature badge skills, merely net her some weird glances, but…eh. Could be worse, though explaining just where she'd gotten her machete from had left everyone involved with more questions than answers.

 Not to mention the Summer Reading Program—the first time Bella survived it, she'd left for Forks not a week later. Charlie had congratulated her for her reading chart, and left it at that.

So she doesn’t really talk about it. Or her Unmodified Sumerian classes, or the bloodstone circles, or…

  Time goes on, and Bella's visiting for less and less time, because the older she gets the more things pile up, and by the time she's reached high school her internship at the radio station means she's busier than ever, running errands for Station Management and Cecil, and simply surviving.

 It's not until StrexCorp shows up, however, that Bella deems it a good idea to visit Charlie again.

Well…it's less her idea, and more 'StrexCorp bought their neighborhood and is working on shutting down Night Vale High and instating their own charter schools in time for her class to graduate and fuck that noise'.

Plus, it's not like she had much cause to stick around, not when Phil and Renee had been planning on doing something for his job prospects [which, incidentally enough, had been something StrexCorp could slightly respect. Go figure].

So, really, between the choice of attending a Desert Bluff school [ugh], or Forks High, it was really a no-brainer for Bella.

 Even if Forks was a kind of weird place.

 …it's been a while, actually.

Turns out, distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it just makes things less weirder. 

[Seriously, just how did younger her not notice some things?]

It's been years, but Bella's still vaguely terrified by how green everything is. The Whispering Forest was five minutes from her house, after all. She wholeheartedly approves of the rain and the various clouds [even if none of them glow here. Weird].

Fork's high school isn't that bad, but Bella sorely misses her Unmodified Sumerian credits.

And she's vaguely confused by everyone's complaining about PE. [It had some very good real-world applications, what was the big deal? Dodging fireballs invoked by black magic was easy, compared to Chad Steinbeck's throwing arm.]

Kinda weird how nonchalant everyone was about their librarians, though by now she's almost used to how everyone laughs whenever she talked about the killer Summer Reading Program. [Younger her had merited a few curious glances when she'd clung to her backpack, as if carrying duct tape and several days' worth of food and water wasn't a perfectly rational thing to have in a library. Weird.]

 And her dad's Police Department must be having severe budget cuts, if his patrol car can't fly and he doesn't even have a balaclava. [So, very, weird.]

She's still fascinated by the Cullens, of course. That's a fundamental constant.

 Except here, Bella's not infatuated, or obsessed-- or, at least, not in a "love at first sight" sort of way.

No, here, Bella still sees the predatory gleam in the Cullen's eyes, and their ethereal beauty. But instead of growing warily curious, she instead feels a pang of homesickness, and resolves to befriend them. [That blonde in particular really reminds her of Jessica Simmons in fifth grade, back before she forgot to check her harness when their Girl Scout troop was earning their Paragliding and Divebombing patches.]

 That Edward guy was more of an afterthought than anything else, actually. Though it was also a new record, too: not even five minutes and he hated her guts, when her personal best was four hours and thirty-seven minutes for a budding blood feud.

 The Cullens, meanwhile, don't know what to think of this new arrival.

 Bella Swan had, in the span of five school days, gone from "flavor of the week" to "what the fuck is she on, or is she just trolling?" with alarming speed.

 Her father had made it well known she had an eccentric sense of humor, but that still didn't quite prepare everyone for her incredible deadpan, or her reactions to the most random things. [Like her incredulity about wheat-based products: what kind of weird diet was she on?]

They’re seeing this eccentric newcomer who smells of sand and mesquite and desert wind [though Edward doesn't know why it's so enticing to him], and are even more confused. Because of their enhanced senses, they can tell Bella's confusion is genuine, and why was she so terrified when Valentine's Day was brought up?

Alice's the one that puts them on alert: trying to see Bella's future gives her a migraine, and flashes of something great and terrible that she can't quantify, a black abyss and yet not and what was she?!

 So, of course, Jasper's equally alarmed, because for something to unnerve his was-committed-to-an-asylum-as-a-human girlfriend…plus her emotions when someone talked about Homecoming should not have been that extreme... 

Edward's fascinated, but also questions his self-control as time passes and Bella's slowly smelling less and less like her former hometown, and more and more appealing to him. On the plus side, at least she's not…overly interested in him? She doesn't smell like it, at least. Huh. [That he can't read her mind is but secondary, at this point.]

Rosalind is so, very befuddled with Bella's fearlessness: she's tried to scare her away, but each time she tries, Bella just springs up and mentions something about scouts and patches and what the hell?!

Emmett's the one in the parking lot, when the accident nearly happens. He's very amused by it all, and has a running bet as to why this new chick's gravitating towards them so much, when he sees Edward gear up to save— holy shit did the new girl just backflip away from the SUV? She did. And talked about summer reading programs being good practice. [What even.]

 Carlisle's also highly interested in the mystery that is Bella Swan. Even ignoring what his family's been saying, he took her vitals after the almost-accident, and the machine broke. Or, at least, that's the only logical explanation as to why the readouts say her blood's irradiated AND poisonous, and carrying trace elements of...something he'd never seen before. [Bella, meanwhile, thinks the orange juice just doesn't taste the same. What was this sugary swill? Orange juice was supposed to be imaginary, with an acrid tang and a sharp aftertaste. Forks was so weird.]

 The Port Angeles thing had Edward very confused, because the would-be rapists' thoughts went from 'easy target' to 'WHERE THE HELL DID SHE GET THAT MACHETE FROM?!' and 'am I seeing things, or is she really throwing textbooks with a slingshot?!' with almost-alarming speed.

And when he pulled up, he couldn’t see it, nor where she could even make that fit.

Huh.

 Bella and the Cullens become friends, and when the vampire thing comes up, she doesn't so much as bat an eye.

 "Hey, Old Woman Josie's got a houseful of Angels. Even if the hierarchy's classified by the City Council. Not to mention Hiram McDaniels, he's literally a five-headed dragon. At least you're not from Desert Bluffs, right?"

 …that's a new one.

Bella's more than happy to answer their questions, too, and that's how the Cullens learn that somehow her cooking was bad enough to get her banned from Desert Bluffs [though why that last one was said with a distinct note of pride, they still didn't quite get].

Her questions, in turn, aren't quite like the ones they'd answered in the past. Carlisle doesn't want to know where Bella got the term Lizard Kings from, or why she thinks he knows where Franchia is [which…what?], or…the list goes on.

Overall, Bella's slightly strange, but perfectly friendly.

[Alice has yet to decide what she makes of Bella's talks about the Monolith, though.]

Edward is actually getting slightly interested in her, but Bella doesn’t exactly have romance at the forefront; she's more than happy to talk about her efforts in helping Night Vale's local Children's Militia[?! Wow was the town creative with names], though, and the first time she touched an oven in their household was  also the last. [How the hell she'd managed to recreate Greek fire was something to ask at a later date.]

 Plus, her strange smell wasn't the least of it, not after what Carlisle had ascertained. Bella's apparent confusion about regrowing appendages aside, turns out her inoculations included stuff for 'Blood-Space War botulism' and 'Librarian-based diphtheria' as well as the usual chicken pox and tetanus.

  Time passes, and things are going well.

 Sure, she smells slightly weird as time goes by, but that's probably because of her unique upbringing, plus it's a gradual thing so the Cullens get used to it fairly easily. Even if the scent of something scorching was slightly off-putting, but then, there was a reason nobody let Bella cook.

Bella's pretty weird, but she's also pretty cool, so it balances out in the end.

Some things just get lost in translation, though. Even now.

The baseball game was…interesting.

Bella's comments about Night Vale's annual Sheriff's Secret Police vs. Firefighters game left everyone looking at her in horror, but it was the nonchalance with which she caught the 120 miles-per-hour baseball that let her into the game.

When the new vampires rock up…hmm. I can't decide.

 Option A: 

Bella smelled not only of mesquite and desert wind, but also an underlying tang of something Other, something not of this world. She was the only one alive to have earned the Blood-Space War patch in her troop, and when they tried to attack she smiled and let the tang of dark magic sear the air warningly.

Option B:

Bella smelled of something Other, and since these newcomers hadn't been there when her smell had gradually changed, the Cullens are wondering why they're freaking out. 

“She smells of monster!"

"What the hell are you talking about?”

Option C:  

She smells more like a local than not; a year out of Night Vale, in a rainy place, meant its distinct aroma had gradually faded. They try to attack, and Bella's ready to go to bat, but no dice.

“I could've taken them!" She mutters petulantly. Bah. Overprotective vampires. Just when she'd been having fun, too.

They're insistent that she flee. Eh, it's been a while, might as well check up on how Renee’s been doing, or if they managed to evict StrexCorp. It's adorable how Edward's so concerned for her health, but really.   

 Their first hint Something's Up is when she pulls out the bloodstone circles.

Specifically, "What the hell are bloodstone circles."

Bella returns to her hometown, at the Cullen's insistence, she might add. It's been a while, and… oh, shit.

"What's the big deal about—mmph!" Edward manages before Bella claps a hand over his mouth.

“Watch your words, it's Street Cleaning Day tomorrow! C'mon, I think I remember a bunker we can hide out in."

"What."

They glimpse the vampires trying to get to them, but then…

"Fuck it, time for the big guns. Let's go the library."

"What."

"Bring a machete, orange juice, and I hope you remember at least some Jane Austen, it might very well save our lives Mr. I Lived A Hundred Years." 

 "What?!" 

 "We have no time, just run!"

Hiding out by the Dog Park is also an acceptable one; the scent means the poor fools try to take on the Hooded Figures, which yeah.

After a crash course as to everything Night Vale, Bella's slightly reluctant to go back to Forks, meanwhile Edward's more than a little freaked out, while the rest of the Cullens are in no better shape. The trip back is in almost complete silence. Bella's asleep, because the library always required a lot of energy, meanwhile the rest of the car's eying her a lot more warily than a few days ago.

She's nursing a sprained wrist from staving off a Librarian, a broken leg from landing the wrong way after sticking an illegal pen on one vampire and a loaf of bread on the other [and thus siccing the Sheriff's Secret Police on both], and a concussion on top of that. Still intimidating anyway; just where had that assault rifle even come from?!

Ah, the joys of having earned her Concealed Weaponry patch during seventh grade…

And that's the end of the events of Twilight.

During New Moon, Bella's not desperately seeking death once the Cullens go MIA.

Either she goes 'welp, getting kind of bored here, oh hey, Jacob! Want to cliff dive?...okay this is actually kind of tame, but at least I'm not as homesick now, thanks!'

Or, she'd go 'my only friends are gone, StrexCorp fucked off from Night Vale, screw it I'm coming home'.

If she were to meet the Volturi, she'd immediately light up and go 'oh hey do you have any relation to the Large Brotherhood of the Small Chamber? Or Night Vale's City Council?' which, in turn, would cause some…interesting reactions. [A facepalm here, a 'oh god I thought we were done with you guys' groan from there, etc. The Cullens are both curious but also don't want to know.]

At some point, an ancient vampire shows up, and Bella’s practicing her Unmodified Sumerian and ignoring everyone’s stares when they realize it’s the human who’s just blasé and talking to this guy in his mother tongue. She’s not fluent, but it’s enough. 

 Where did this idea even come from? Who knows? [Dammit brain]

[sprinkleofhappinessuniverse]

Bets Are A Dish Best Served Cold - Part 1 (Bucky x Reader)

Synopsis - (Sort of) Enemies to Lovers AU Based on Amy and Jake from Brooklyn 99. You and Bucky are two of Brooklyn’s best detectives, however its known throughout the precinct that you two are as good as nemesises as far as petty jabs and insults are concerned. After being partnered up on a case the two of you make a bet to see who can make the most arrests before the end of summer. Both tensions and feelings are riled. Are the two of you destined to be enemies or something else? 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of robberies, vandalism and graffiti, petty arguing, Bucky being a smug ass 

Word Count: 2,880

A/N: First and foremost, I dedicate this Fic to @poe-also-bucky because Michelle is awesome and always so kind 💙

So I love Brooklyn 99 and Jake and Amy are one of my OTPs and yesterday whilst washing up the dishes I came up with this idea based on their bet is Season one! This idea was literally nagging me so I just had to write it despite needing to finish and write other fics, This won't be a majorly long series, maybe only 6 parts? But if you'd like to be tagged, let me know! 

"So how's work life with your temporary partner?" Natasha said, smirking a little as she walked over to your desk holding two cups of coffees.

"Ugh, don't remind me." You groaned rubbing your forehead. "Bucky is insufferable."

"Well, I've got to say, you've surprised me, I really thought one of you would have killed the other by now." She chuckled, taking a sip from one of the cups.

It was pretty much known throughout the precinct that you and Bucky couldn't go more than ten minutes without some snarky remark, petty jab or insults that may or not lead to an argument and you threatening to throw your stapler at his head.

It wasn't that you hated Bucky, in fact you actually felt a small admiration for the man. He was intelligent and extremely athletic making him a more than capable detective, despite one of his arms being a prosthetic. When you first met him you were actually impressed by his determination and talents. Any fondness you felt for the man then soon dissolved as the two of you were met with a personality clash. 

You would be the last person to admit that both you and Bucky were extremely similar despite the contrast of your personalities. Where he possessed the emotional maturity of a ten year old, discovering playboy magazines for the first time you were prudent and serious - minded. Clint had joked that you were the "mother" of the police force.

When he wasn't on the field and making arrests, Bucky's focus plummeted from 10 to zero. It seemed his focus was replaced with the ability to be the most obnoxiously unbearable man in Brooklyn. His locker stunk as though something had died, the same as his desk drawers which just had to be situated next to yours. He was constantly playing around with things on his desk, flicking pen lids and paper clips at you, singing out of key or making references to Tom Cruise movies. 

Yes, James Buchanan Barnes was utterly infuriating and unfortunately your captain - Nick Fury - had partnered the two of you up on a recent case involving a robbery from a small family, The Wicks. Both you and Bucky had come to some sort of conclusion that it was most probably an inside job. A large amount of jewellery and a thousand dollars that was tucked away in a safe were stolen and from the statements you received from the family, they seems somewhat private, reserved, nobody knew too much about them. You were convinced it was the father, Frank Wicks, his alibi didn't match up to the witness reports at a diner which he said he was the time of the robbery and overall was a fishy guy, like many other criminals you have dealt with.

“Morning, what's up.” Clint greeted you and Natasha. He took the unoccupied cup of coffee from Natasha before leaning against your desk and taking a sip.

“Y/N’s telling me how delightful Bucky is to work with.” Natasha chuckled.

“I didn't know it was possible to be that...infuriating. I'm this close to wrangling the man myself.” You groaned earning an amused smirk from Clint.

“Yeah, Bucky’ll do that to you.” Clint replied.

“Anyway,” you began, now sounding a little more upbeat. “I think I've cracked the case. I think--” before you could finish your sentence the doors to the interrogation room opened up. You didn't know anyone was occupying it and when you saw who walked out with a triumphant grin on his face you couldn't help but roll your eyes.

“Guess who just solved their latest case!” He exclaimed. You and Natasha exchanged a look. Why had Bucky interrogated a suspect without you? You were supposed to be partners, not that you wanted to be.

“What? You arrested Frank Wicks?” You asked.

“Nope. Try Dalia, the nanny.”

“What? But Frank--”

“The only crime Frank Wicks is guilty of is having affair with his wife. While it's sleazy and immoral it's not exactly illegal.”

“But how did you find out it was Dalia? You didn't bring her in just to spite me did you?” You frowned, crossing your arms..

“Not everything's about you, doll.” He said condescendingly. “No. I realised something didn't quite add up. You see, when Dalia went to steal the jewellery and money she stole a nanny-cam teddy bear with her. Of course, Frank and Harriet Wicks were so caught up in having their money and jewellery stolen they didn't even realise the bear until a phone call from Harriet. I took it upon myself to chase up Dalia and sure enough caught her trying to destroy the bear. Checked out the footage and boom! Found our culprit. That and she confessed.”

He never wiped the smug grin off his face on his face. This and the small crowd that had gathered around Bucky to hear his fascinating story and were now clapping made you roll your eyes.

“Sorry you weren't there to witness my victory, doll.” Bucky winked.

“I could've sworn it Frank Wicks and why couldn't you have run this by me first?”

“There was no time! If I had waited for you to iron your pantsuits and carefully cut up your breakfast I would never have caught Dalia in time. And have you ever considered that maybe I'm just a better detective?” He teased. You glared at him.

Within moments, Peter Parker, one of the police officers, was guiding a guilty looking Dalia out of the interrogation room.

“Book her Peter!” Bucky shouted, doing his best movie-police-detective voice.

“Um, detective Barnes, I've kinda already arrested her.” Peter mumbled back, looking a little uncertain.

“Peter buddy, just go along with it okay? Don't ruin the moment.” He said before putting his sunglasses on his face. “That's how we do it in Brooklyn.”

“Wow.” You said, rolling you eyes, which you were sure was the hundredth time.

“Doll, Don't pretend you don't love this,” he said making an exaggerated gesture to himself.

Your morning was going great. You couldn't help but feel irritated. If there was one thing you hated, it was being wrong. Especially at the expense of Bucky Barnes. That man just knew how to ruin your day.

Eventually the hype died down and Nick Fury walked out of his office.

“Captain!” Bucky called, raising his hand. “I just solved the Wicks case, all by myself.” He looked at you, smirking. Nick Fury however, didn't look as impressed much to your amusement.

“Barnes, why are you wearing sunglasses inside?” Nick Fury asked, swooning at him.

“Because he's trying to achieve The title of ‘World’s Biggest Douchebag’ and trust me he's well on his way.” You said. Nick Fury didn't say anything. He just glared both of you before motioning for the two of you to come into his office.

“What's up Cap? Is Y/N in trouble? Do I finally get to see what she's like when faced with the disapproval of her boss?” Bucky teased.

“Ugh, I cannot wait for Wilson to get back.” You said.

“Ouch. Hurtful.” Bucky deadpanned.

“Can you too shut up be quiet and act like professionals?” Nick Fury said, glowering at the both of you. You pursed your lips and nodded quickly, hating the fact that your boss could be even a little mad with you. “I have a new case for you, there have been multiple reports of vandalism at the community centre. Not only that but just last night a few windows were smashed. We have reason to believe it was committed by just one person. I want you two to go out interview a couple of people, see what you can find. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes sir.” Both you and Bucky said in unison. 

“Good and try not to kill each other.” He said. The two of you nodded and headed out the door. “Oh, and Barnes, good job on the Wicks case today.” Yep, Bucky was the most infuriating man in Brooklyn.

You had interviewed a couple of people and didn't seem to have any luck identifying the culprit. As the two of you walked down the street to interview another person a boy - most likely the age of nineteen and wearing a green hoodie with red backpack and black water bottle in the side - bumped into you.

“Ouch!” You exclaimed, unable to bite down your annoyance.

“Watch where you're going, jackass!” The boy shouted at you. Anger boiled inside you and you whipped around to face the boy.

“Hey, you better--”

“Hey, hey hey. We’re on a job remember?” Bucky said grabbing your arm. The boy waved you off before stalking off. You took a deep breath trying to calm yourself before shrugging Bucky’s arm of you. “Not very professional, detective.” He said, humour in his voice. You rolled your eyes before walking towards the next house.

“I know that look, don't go jumping to conclusions Y/N.’ Bucky said as the two of you made your way down the steps after interviewing the person at the last house.

She was an elderly woman, very kind and friendly, who had informed you that her suspicions were on Craig Harris, a nineteen year old “troubled boy”. According to her he was often extremely rude and had been known for graffiting. She noted that he often graffitied his initials CH, in a very specific way. You had noticed this on the sidewalk floor a little way away. She also said that he almost always wore a green hoodie and red backpack.

“What he carries around, I can't tell you - help yourself to some more lemonade dear!” She had said to the two of you. The description seemed to fit the boy who bumped into you earlier that day and you were more than happy to catch him.

“Well the boy who hurt me earlier seems to fit the description.” You said, sternly.

“Oh please, it was barely a scrape.” Bucky replied. You chose not to argue back with him knowing he was only saying it to wind you up.

“Let's check out the community centre, see if we can spot anything.” You said “sniff out some clues.” He said, half joking.

“Okay Velma.” You snorted.

“Seriously? I'm definitely more of a Daphne.” He grinned.

The two of you made your way to the community centre. Your intuition was telling you to check out the back, so that's where you made your way first, Bucky scurrying behind. Sure enough crouched down, spray can in hand was Craig Harris. You quietly walked closer and could see a CH Painted on. You looked at Bucky.

“Y/N wait. This still doesn't mean he's behind it all.” Bucky said. You ignored him and continued walking over to him. “If you're wrong, you owe me a drink!”

“Are you Craig Harris?” You said once you reached him.

“What's it to you?” He said before looking up at you. “You're the chick who got in my way earlier!”

“You bumped into me,” you said, stopping yourself before you ranted on further, “I see you've been...decorating. Tell me Craig Harris, you hear about the smashed window?”

“Who are you the police?”

“Actually I am.” You said, flashing your badge, smiling once you saw the unmistakable look of guilt on his face. “Tell me where were you yesterday evening?”

“I ain't telling you nothing.” He barked, putting the spray can in his bag before quickly putting it on.

“Really? You see, we have reason to believe you may be connected. Pretty fishy, you graffiting the same place that got damaged. And you will be punished for this by the way so you got anything to hide, it might be best you confess.” You said. This kid had pissed you off so you were paying bad cop. Well your version anyway.

Craig hesitated and glanced between the two of you before sighing.

“Alright I did it. But it's only because those guys are dicks!” He exclaimed. You gave pLucky your best “told you so” look and got out your handcuffs and reached out for his arm.

“Not a good enough reason Craig.” You said. Bucky stepped forward.

“Craig Harris you're under arrest--” he began.

“Bucky, it's okay.” You said. Bucky stopped and cocked his head in confusion. You smiled before turning back to Craig.

“Craig Harris you're under arrest…” you began listing out his offence and Miranda rights. Bucky rolled his eyes once he realised you only stopped him from talking so you could carry out the arrest, getting back at him for Wicks case.

“Y/N!” Natasha called to you at the end of the day. “Clint’s invited me and few other for drinks, you up for it?”

“I've been dealing with Bucky Barnes all day. I'm more than up for it.” You said, shutting down your computer and getting your bag and jacket.

As you sat down with Clint and Natasha in the bar down the road from the precinct, you sighed in relief that you no longer had to work with Bucky for one day. You were exhausted and a drink is just what you needed. 

“Get this down you.” Clint said sliding you over a glass. You smiled gratefully as you began to take sip. You almost choked when you saw Bucky walk over, sunglasses pushed to the top of his head with a cocky smile. There was no escaping him...

The good news was Sam and Steve followed behind him and you were glad to see your best friend and work partner again. 

“I didnt miss the party did I.” Bucky said sitting down next to Natasha. Ignoring him you got up and hugged Sam. 

"Sam! I've missed you! Save me from this...douchenozzle.” You said. Sam laughed. 

“Yeah I missed you too, partner, thankfully me and Steve finished our case but I think Fury wants us to work another one together.” He said. You groaned. 

“Why you're supposed to be my partner. If I work with Bucky anymore I might end up murdering him.” You grumbled. 

“Well, you lasted longer than I would have.” He joked.

“You know I'm right here, right?” Bucky said, though he didn't look offended. “You're just pissy, Y/N, because I solved the Wicks case this morning.” 

“"Well, I arrested Craig Harris, wich by the way you owe me a drink seeing as I was right.” 

“Nope I only said you owe me a drink if you were wrong.” He said shrugging. “And it doesn't matter anyway, I'm still the better detective.” 

“In your dreams. We all know I make more arrests and solve more cases than you do.” You argued. Bucky snorted before standing up. He paused and a sly smile crept on his face. You knew whatever he was thinking wouldn't be good, 

“You sure about that sweetheart?” 

“Uh-huh.” You stubbornly replied, despite being wary of him. He walked over to the bar and got himself a drink. He walked over to you and made you hold your drink before lifting his up. 

“Why don't we make a bet?” He said. You raised an eyebrow. “"you heard me. A bet. Whoever makes the most arrests by...let's say...the end of August, so two months for now, wins. They get to take the loser on a date.” You paused, considering it for a moment. You knew it was petty and borderline ridiculous but you couldn't help but give in to your competitive side. Besides you really wanted to win and okay the worst date imaginable just to get back at Bucky. 

You raised your glass and smiled.

“Okay, let's do this.” You said. 

"Good. Let's drink on it.” He said before taking a swig from his glass. You obliged and all your friend around you erupted into a chorus of cheers “ooohs”.

“Better prepare for the date now Y/N because I will win and you will fall in love with me.” He said smugly.

“You wish “ 

Tags: @poe-also-bucky @lilasiannerd @thegenderqueerbatman

[nightglider124]

DickKory Week: Day 4

I actually wrote this up at work yesterday. It was so quiet so I was like hells yeah, ima write some dickkory.

This one is... bittersweet. It's not really angst but it's not that fluffy either. It's also kinda abstract on 'what could have been'. Idk.

Oh and it's like quite a bit longer than my other posts. Idk why.

What Could Have Been

Snow billowed around the limited amount of people that dared to roam the streets this evening. The air was frosty; that level of cold where you could feel it rippling through your fingertips and near enough reaching the bone.

December always tended to bring a little bit of snow but never this much. It seemed a blizzard had gripped the city of Bludhaven this year. 

The sidewalks were icy and the snow blanketed buildings, trees, cars; anything the soft white flakes could reach.

Snow was usually beautiful and held a tinge of magic to the season what with Christmas fast approaching and all. The sky was an inky black and the stars were glowing brighter than usual. It was picturesque.

If you weren’t out in it.

A young couple struggled against the elements, amongst others that were bracing themselves each time a bitter gust of wind made them quiver. 

Without realising it, sleet as well as snow had begun to fall; a very unpleasant mix. 

Her long scarlet hair whipped around her face as she defended herself from the weather that seemingly held a grudge against all who braved it. 

The man wandering the streets with her, threw an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

“Oh! This weather is ridiculous!” Kory shouted, above the roar of the snow storm,

“Yeah, no kidding! Which way was the hotel again?” Her boyfriend asked, matching her volume so she could hear him,

Kory barked out a laugh, “I do not know, Roy. I am not making the mistake of getting the map out once again.”

The auburn haired man had to grin before playfully poking her in the ribs, “Alright, Princess. So, what should we do?”

She squinted her emerald eyes as she tried to navigate, “Perhaps we should continue this way,” She suggested, pointing a gloved finger straight ahead of them,

“I think I hate fashion week, you know.” Roy mumbled,

Kory rolled her eyes and smirked, “I did not count on this snow storm, thank you very much.”

The pair continued to trudge through the thick heaps of snow, grasping at each other’s hands to keep one another close.

Kory Anders, as people knew her nowadays, was especially selected for fashion week.

She was soaring in her modelling career; not something she had envisioned for herself when she first arrived on Earth but it was fun and she was extremely good at it. 

Modelling suited her; it took her all over the world and never had she experienced and learnt about Earth more than she had doing what she did now. Her life was a different one than it had been years ago but she comfortable; content. 

It just so happened that fashion week took place in Bludhaven this year.

And that in itself sent a jolt through Kory. She initially said no, that she didn’t want to participate this year but she knew, deep down, she would be angry at herself for being so silly.

This was his city and she hadn’t seen said man in a long time. Kory was nervous, walking around Bludhaven, never knowing if she might catch a glimpse of him.

She supposed it would be nice to see him again but at the same time, there was still a loss there; a dull mourning. Their relationship wasn’t perfect but she never thought it would break down to the point of not talking at all.

4 years had passed since they broke up and still, there had been no communication from either of them.

Kory shook her head, trying to block the thoughts and the memories and the what if’s.

Roy was loving and attentive. He knew her through and through and they worked together. She loved him.

But a tiny part of her knew, he could not be replaced.

And sometimes, she sadly realised that Roy knew it too. 

“Kory?!” Roy yelled, above the wind,

“Huh?”

“Wandered off there, Princess,”

“Apologies. Oh, perhaps we should just-” She knocked into someone and stumbled back a few paces, “Oh!”

The man who had been on the receiving end caught himself  and stepped up to her, shaking snow from his hair,

“Shit, I’m so sorry! The snow is… Kory?” 

Said woman froze. She literally seized up; her back stiffened and her fingers curled into fists almost afraid to look up at who she already knew was staring back at her.

“Dick…” She breathed, the wind suddenly stilling itself,

A mix of emotions washed over his face but most notably, the one that made her heart pound, was the look of happiness. His smile was slow in growing but it met his eyes and she found herself matching him.

His blue eyes swivelled to Roy and the smile became somewhat tight; a little strained.

She dropped her eyes and shuffled closer to her boyfriend, remembering herself.

“Hey, man! Long time no see!” Roy greeted, apparently oblivious to any awkwardness,

Dick gave him a half hug and a pat on the back, “Hey, Roy. I know! Been a while!” 

He turned to Kory and held out his arms for her. She moved without realising she was doing so, tiptoed forward and found herself caught up in his warmth. There was something more meaningful in his actions than with Roy, like he was truly happy to see her after such a long time. She didn’t know how to feel about that one.

Kory was light headed as his scent filled her nose; that musky yet sharp fragrance that was him. She smiled briefly into his shoulder; she could also smell the gel in his hair. The same one he’d used for years. Some things never changed.

She was reluctant to release him but she did, knowing holding onto one another for much longer would cause some uncomfortable questioning from Roy.

“So, what are you guys doing here in Bludhaven? Is it for the sunshine?” He joked, thrusting his hands back in his pockets, the bag on his wrist ruffling a little.

Kory gave him a soft smile and Roy laughed, “No, no… little miss model here is doing fashion week.”

Dick’s eyes landed on her again and his smile was warm, ��I’ve been seeing your billboards and magazine spreads everywhere. You’re really making your mark there, Kor.”

She blushed and pushed some hair behind her ear, “It would appear so.”

“You’re amazing. Really.” He complimented,

Kory bobbed her head in thanks as Roy wound an arm around her waist, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Dick.

“Right now though, we’re trying to find our hotel in this blizzard.” Roy complained as a gust of wind kicked up some snow in their direction.

“Where abouts is it?”

Kory tapped her chin in thought, “Bleaker street? The Jade Vale?”

Dick cringed, “Um…”

Roy deadpanned, “We’re nowhere near it, are we?”

“It’s on the other side of the city.”

Roy groaned and Kory sighed. They glanced at each other, “What shall we do?”

“I don’t know… There aren’t any taxi’s around either.”

“Perhaps we should simply start walking.”

“You shouldn’t be overdoing it, ya know.”

She glared at him and Dick raised an eyebrow but didn’t push. He did, however, raise his hand,

“Guys, why don’t you come up to my apartment for a little while? I just picked up Chinese,” He told them, swaying the plastic bag back and forth,

“Oh, no… we could not possibly-”

“C’mon, there’s more than enough. It’s really no big deal, Kor.”

She bit her lip whilst Roy nudged her, “You should eat.”

The cuisine did smell delicious from the brief waft that just lingered. And the idea of hot food in this arctic weather sounded heavenly.

“Well, Kory?” Dick prompted, smiling,

She tilted her head and smiled back, “Okay… thank you.”

He nodded and led them down the street they had just come from. Roy kept his arm around Kory and she couldn’t be sure if it was for his benefit or hers.

When they had made their way up the stairs of the apartment block, Dick swung his keys around his index finger before opening up the front door.

Dick sheepishly turned to them, “Uh… mind the boxes.”

The couple blinked as a few stacks of boxes sat in the hallway.

“You are moving?” Kory wondered,

“Not exactly.” Dick replied, before shouting to an unseen individual, “I’m back! And we have guests!”

“Thank god. I’m starving!” A woman’s voice called back,

Kory felt a little uneasy. She knew that voice and wasn’t sure how she would feel about her being in their apartment.

Barbra wandered out from the kitchen and the surprise was clear on her face, “Roy! Kory! Hey!” She greeted,

“Hey Babs!” Roy returned, leaning forward to politely kiss her cheek.

Kory swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, “Greetings, Barbra,” She smiled and accepted the half hug,

“Great to see you guys… Er… sorry for the mess.” She murmured, rubbing the back of her neck,

“Babs is still in the process of moving in with me. Apparently, it takes forever for her to unpack her crap.” Dick cheeked and she whacked him with a kitchen towel.

“I’ve been busy, you jerk.”

Roy laughed but Kory suddenly felt uncomfortable and out of place. It didn’t bother her that they had moved in together; in fact, she was happy that Dick was happy.

But, there was a small part of her that felt… amiss. She hadn’t known about anything in the past few years that had gone on in his life. It upset her to know that her once closest friend was practically a stranger now.

“I was the same when Kory and I moved in together, wasn’t I?” Roy recalled,

Kory blinked, momentarily confused, “Oh, yes. It was awful. I kept falling over his belongings for weeks!”

They all laughed then and Babs took the Chinese food from her boyfriend and started dishing it out onto plates for everyone.

Whilst they ate, they caught up on each other’s lives; learned what jobs they’d been doing; learned about the progress Nightwing was having with his corrupt city. It was pleasant.

And yet, Kory couldn’t shake the dull ache in her chest.

She was always going to love Dick; and she hoped there was still a part of him that was always going to love her as well. It was hard to be social like this with other partners but then she realised not being as close friends anymore may in fact be a better option.

“So, what’s new with you guys then?” Babs asked around a mouthful of chow mein,

Roy glanced at Kory with a sly smile and she rolled her eyes, knowing he was dying to tell them their news.

“Well, Kory and I are engaged.”

Kory tried not to pay much attention to the way Dick’s smile faded.

“Engaged… Wow, that’s… Congratulations.” Dick forced out and Kory felt sadness return, disliking how much that seemed to wound him,

“Oh! Can I see the ring?” Babs asked, putting her hands together in a pleading gesture,

Kory smiled and nodded, removing her gloves and letting her see the diamond ring.

“Holy shit… that looks expensive.” Babs commented whilst Dick stayed quiet,

Roy laughed and then looked at his fiancé with a look of adoration, “It was worth it.”

Kory blushed at his words and put her hands in her lap, feeling guilty about their news,

Dick cleared his throat, “So, got a date in mind?”

“Date’s set.” Roy answered,

“Oh?”

“March 10th”

Both Dick and Barbra’s eyes widened at that.

“That’s soon, isn’t it?”

Roy shrugged, “We decided there was no point in waiting. Sides…” He paused and Kory felt her stomach drop, knowing what he was about to tell them, “Kory here won’t be able to squeeze into her dress if we wait any longer, will you?”

Babs was the one to spell it out, “You’re..?”

“Pregnant.” Dick stated, the smile vanishing from his face and being replaced with a look of loss,

Kory scowled at Roy, “I thought we agreed on not telling anyone just yet?”

He shrugged and kissed her temple, “I’m sure Dick and Barbra aren’t gonna go tell everyone.”

Babs laughed, “Of course not! Oh, but congratulations, you two. Do you know what you’re having yet?”

“Nope, we’re keeping it a surprise.”

“That’ll make baby shopping fun for you.”

Roy laughed but Kory tuned out the rest of the conversation. Her eyes kept flicking to Dick who was remaining silent. She felt guilty; so very guilty. She almost felt like she was betraying him by marrying and having a baby with Roy.

Even though they had ended things on good terms, it still stung. Dick sat there, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t want to give a fake reaction.

Dick felt dejected. He knew he shouldn’t; he knew he should be bubbling with excitement for his friends but… there was the tiny part of his brain that reminded him Kory was and would always be more than a friend to him.

He loved her. It was an unspoken but very well known fact. He loved the Tamaranian Princess and there would always be a place in his heart for her.

“Please… I need some air.” Kory murmured to Roy,

Dick blinked and noticed Kory looked pale,

“We have a balcony, Kor. Right at the end of the hall there.”

She nodded, “Thank you,”

“Do you want me to come with?” Dick asked, even though Roy was just about to say the same thing,

Kory waved her hand dismissively, “I shall be fine.”

She made her way to the balcony, being mindful of the ice and working hard not to slip.

Hugging herself, she looked out over the city feeling melancholy. She really wished he hadn’t found out like that. It just felt, to her anyway, like a dagger being twisted.

She knew that wasn’t Roy’s intent. He hadn’t been trying to be malicious; he was simply excited and she had been too until she watched Dick’s expression fall through both pieces of information.

Kory sighed and heard the door open behind her.

“Hey…”

She turned her head to see Dick, giving her the tiniest smile,

“Greetings.”

“You feeling okay?”

“Mhm… Just a bit lightheaded.”

He nodded, “So… excited?”

“For what?”

Dick tilted his head, “For becoming a wife and a… mother.”

He was trying to be playful, she could tell but something about the way he struggled on both words; she didn’t bite.

“Dick, I…”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Truly?”

He shrugged.

They dipped into silence although not as awkward as one would think. Kory couldn’t stop her mind racing; so many questions but none of them seemed right.

“Sorry for kinda… losing contact over the years.”

She smiled, “I apologise also.”

The silence returned until Kory was the one to break it,

“If it aids you… I feel a… sadness as well.”

Dick was about to protest, lie and tell her he wasn’t but she knew him better than that.

“I… We’ve always been on, off, on and off again… I guess I just thought… One day, we’d be on again.”

She nodded; couldn’t have explained it better herself. She wasn’t upset that they weren’t together anymore, she was upset that they had so many what if’s.

“You’ve been engaged before.”

Kory felt a prickle on the back of her neck, “I have… I plan to go through with it, this time.”

“You were going to go through with it the first time, weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And we… Probably would have had kids, too.”

She turned to face him, tears welling in her eyes. Kory stroked his cheek before stepping away,

“I suppose… we shall never know.” Kory gave him a sad smile, one that was full of regret and wistfulness; wondering and wishing they could have found out what a future between them would have held.

“Kory?” Roy called from the hall,

“Coming.” She responded,

Kory nodded to Dick and brushed her hand against his as she walked past him.

No words were spoken but the two of them desperately wished that door of what could have been hadn’t just firmly closed.

[sobdasha]

I WISH YOU WOULD WRITE A FIC WHERE LINK TEACHES OLD HYLIAN AT EAST CASTLETON PREP WHERE HYLIAN MILITARY HISTORY TEACHER ZELDA HARKINIAN ALSO WORKS

((the problem with answering these asks is that I have to save them in drafts so I can edit the formatting before posting, but reblogs in my drafts are sorted by the time I sent them to drafts and asks in my drafts are sorted by “this was originally sent to you 3 years ago, so we’ll file it 3 years back instead of making it the most recent thing you sent to drafts” ffffffff guys))

***

When Shad gets afancy letter that says he’s being awarded that grant he’s beenapplying for for years, they all pitch in for a little party in thefaculty lounge. Link kind of wishes they were sending Shad offproperly, at a bar, but he does the best he can by pitching in somepunch that is made of pumpkins.

Well, mostlypumpkins, And it’s mostly not Ordona cider (which isdefinitely mostly pumpkins), and it’s after classes anyway, so it’sfine.

They are celebratingthat Shad, lucky bastard that he is, will be spending the fall termon a mostly-funded vacation right adjacent to the famous DeathMountain Goron Hot Springs, while the rest of them, like Link and hiswatered-down cider, will still be here.

Ilia said that Linkought to get out of rural Ordon and see some other bit of the world.Ilia, who went off to become a doctor but remembers to write her dadand visit regularly and how come Rusl and Uli say they haven’t seenyou in months hmm?, said that Link had better go and makesomething of himself.

So he went and gothis teaching certificate and has made himself a lot poorer, mostly.He misses Ordon, where he could find free food lying on the ground,or swimming in the streams. Here in Castleton you have to pay for itif you pick it up, or risk causing an inter-kingdom fishing rightsdispute with the Zora if you drop a line in the river. So instead ofturning up at Rusl and Uli’s house for dinner, these days he orderstakeout and listens to the delivery persons say “Oh goddessesI’m sorry!” when he absently signs thanks while collecting hisfood.

Fado, who stayed inOrdon not making anything of himself and instead making cheese, isapparently putting away heaps of money.

So Link, who needsmoney and hates enjoying sleep times, finishes his punch so his handsare free to tell Shad that he’ll take over his Old Hylian class whileShad is on sabbatical.

***

Link doesn’tactually know any Old Hylian. But, he reasons after the fact, howhard can it be? After all, Link already teaches HSL, so that meanshe’s a linguist like Shad, right? He’s practically an expert already.

Plus, Link is goingto have the exact same textbook to learn from as his new students,except he’s going to have a head-start and he has theeven-bigger answer key. He literally can’t go wrong.

Besides, Old Hylianis a dead language (which has been reincarnates into Modern Hylian)so it won’t hurt it too much when a bunch of teens brutally murderit. They’re already doing quite a good job on Modern Hylian and it’sstill limping along just fine.

And it’s not likeanyone speaks it anyway, aside from nerdy archaeologists andhistorians (note to self: ask Sarge about it?). So all Link reallyhas to worry about is the writing aspect.

Yeah. It’ll be easymoney.

***

Somehow the rumorgets around before Link gets his ass in front of the school board.Reportedly, so many students have been asking Guidance Councilor GorCoron about the Old Hylian class that they might have to divide itinto two sections.

The school boardapproves Link to take over on the spot.

***

Link has just enoughtime for a proper power nap at his desk between his first Old Hylianclass and his Hylian Sign Language class. But Sarge has a break atthe same time which she usually takes in the faculty lounge, to takeadvantage of the tea kettle while she grades or lesson-plans or readsbooks that have nothing to do with historical military campaigns.

The thing about“Sergeant Snowpeak” Zelda Harkinian, with her no-nonsensedress suits, and her stern librarian bun, and her sensible militaryboots, and her severe black-rimmed (actually fake, she admitted toLink, the lenses are plastic but, well, the frames looked the partand she’s always admired the image of a woman in uniform) spectacles,and her baton that’s ideal for pointing to the blackboard or rappingon a desk, and her old-fashioned bathroom and hall passes…the thingis, she’s quick to make a joke. She has a very small laugh, so youhave to watch for it. She’s thoughtful, she thinks about thingsbehind that serious face, and she’ll come up to you with a deadpanand witty response to a joke you made a week ago.

Zelda takes off herboots sometimes in the faculty lounge; there was a big run in thefoot of her nylons once, and she laughed about her toe poking out.She washes the dishes left in the faculty sink, but she hums whileshe does it because she likes things tidy. She walks just a littleheavier than she needs to, so her boots will ring out in EastCastleton Prep’s halls.

(She has it on goodauthority that the sound of her boot heels approaching can send moresensitive students into tizzies of anxiety. So her first term, on theday of final exams, Miss Harkinian thoughtfully removed her bootsbefore striding to the classroom. The sight of her suddenlymaterializing in the doorway, test papers in hand, somehow didnothing to calm her students’ nerves.)

She can hold herliquor, but she can’t carry a tune. She never learned to cook forone, because that would be a waste of good leftovers. She thinks thatHylian Military History is a crucial subject that teaches teenagersabout strategy and critical reasoning and logical thought, aboutpracticality and consequences, about wilderness survival skills, andwill help them become somewhat-sensible young adults.

Sarge worked withathletics teacher Ashei one year to host an archery tournament forthe Feast of Din, and she shot an apple off Link’s head withouttelling him first that this was why she’d ushered him up to thepodium.

The thing is, inshort, Link has a huge crush on Zelda Harkinian. He likes her.He is, in fact, completely smitten, although he hasn’t realized he’squite so far gone despite the fact that he regularly tells the catsat Impaz’ shelter What Sarge Did Today complete with little sighs.

So it’s a bit of ashame she doesn’t feel quite the same way.

Link did ask Zeldaonce if she’d like to “embrace diversity,” but she didn’tseem interested.

***

Zelda quite likesShad, don’t get her wrong. But, she admits to Telma, if only he’dgotten a grant that let him spend the whole year onsabbatical…

This is surely ablessing from the goddesses. Not that Zelda would wish undue stresson Link but, for all his enthusiasm about taking on Shad’s OldHylian, he seems to be finding the subject very hard going. And ofcourse Zelda has a bit of expertise to share–after all, the seminaltext in her field, Sword in Hand, is originally in OldHylian–so he can come to her with any small questions…

…And he does.

Almost every dayLink catches her in the faculty lounge for a few minutes ofconjugation here, or pops into her empty classroom for a bit ofdeclension there, or accompanies her on her walk home for adiscussion of the merits of this translation over that.

It’s not as thoughshe needs an excuse to get to know Link better. She already knows himquite well. But a little bit of extra time is…nice, since they’realready good enough friends that Zelda knows he’s in a committedrelationship with Old Cat Lady Lifestyle.

The cats, thedrinking, the napping all the time, the surprisingly full socialcalendar that Zelda can’t quite squeeze into…in other words, allthe hallmarks of spinster-dom.

It’s just a bit of ashame, seeing as he’s the only slightly-rumpled and generally-mussything she actually doesn’t mind looking at.

In any case, she’stried gauging his interest, and it’s just not there. Anytime shetries to feel him out with a pick-up line, he deflects with acorrection on her grammar or a compliment about how her signing iscoming along. Clearly, Link’s completely satisfied with theirrelationship exactly as it is.

So Zelda will be,too.

***

This is the one,Midna had said, grinning wickedly. This is absolutely stupid enoughto work on that dumbass, Midna had said, with evil glee.

All sorts ofoptimistic hope flowered in Zelda’s chest at the sight of thatparticular expression on her ex-girlfriendcurrent-long-distance-BFF’s face. This had to be good.

So Zelda caught Linkin between classes and asked him, “Am I so beautiful you’respeechless?”

Link repeated itback to her, tweaking the body language a bit to make beautifula little sassier, waited for her to sign it again, and then gave hera thumb’s up and walked off.

***

(Link wished hewere the one she was saying that to, but oh well. He supports herhappiness! Zelda’s his friend, after all.)

***

One of the girlsstays after class, all the way from Hylian Sign Language nearly up toOld Hylian round 2, getting Mr. Link to teach her, painstakingly overand over, how to ask the girl she likes if she’ll go to the Nayru’sDay Dance with her. It’s going to take 5 minutes at the start ofclass tomorrow, she informs Mr. Link, and also a lot of glitter.

In Link’s day–ohgoddesses, he’s old now–they just slipped notes or asked withoutthe performance art. Actually, Ilia usually just informed Link thatthey would be going together to share on the ticket cost. But kidsthese days seem to believe a gift is customary.

Link is old, though,so he just slips Zelda a note.

“I can’t readyour handwriting,” she tells him. “Oh! By the way, I signedup to run the concessions stand at the dance. Perhaps you’d like tojoin me?”

***

Heads bent overcandies and little bags of popcorn and assortments of soda, with thecash box between them, Link asks Zelda to help him brainstorm somereally evil ideas for his Old Hylian final exam. Link isn’t much intodifficult tests, as a rule, because they involve more work to grade.But he doesn’t want Shad to think he’s been slacking.

Link asks Zelda ifshe’d come over to his place for dinner one evening, you know, tokeep working on the exam. Since he needs so much help with it. And tothank her. For helping.

***

She says yes.

[orpelia]

Spirits: “The Southern Lights”

What’s got Bo so spooked?

Korra and Co. are traveling South in Book II, Chapter 2, and there’s definitely something lurking in the wind.

As for Tenzin and family, they’ve gone to see where Grandpa Aang was born. Let the shenanigans and the feels commence.

Graphic content featured; I’ll give you a warning in case that’s not your thing.

Bro vs. Bro

Ah, yes. 

Another flashback to another pair of Northern Water Tribe brothers. Only this time, we get the flashback very early into the season so their stories actually (hopefully) have time to grow.

Can you tell there’s still some salt for the “Amon/Noatak is my brother” reveal? 

Man, do I love being petty~~

Tonraq, Korra’s father, was a general for the Northern Water Tribe.

To keep their city protected, he drove barbarians to an ancient forest,

and the ensuing battle destroyed the hallow grounds.

As punishment for disturbing their dwelling, angry spirits laid siege to the city.

Only Unalaq, Korra’s uncle, could tame the spirits and guide them back to their homes.

Ultimately, Tonraq was banished from the North and he looked to the South to start anew.

So I’m, like, 92% sure Unalaq is the big bad of the season.

(I also may or may not know some spoils.)

Reminiscent of Yakone, if I do say so myself:

If he is the big bad, then he’s totes schemin’. 

Look at him, establishing a bond and forging a trust with Korra:

All potential villain-ness aside, this scene had great dialogue:

Unalaq: You have to believe in yourself, like I believe in you. Korra: I guess I’m just so used to people telling me how to do things that I forgot what it was like to have someone trust in me. Unalaq: Korra, all the past Avatars live on inside of you. Let them guide you. Let them help you find the light in the dark.

// By the way, I love when stories integrate the concept of light and dark. For one, it gives me all the Kingdom Hearts feels, but it’s also such a universally applicable idea. I cannot wait to see how this theme will play out in the rest of Book II.

But look at him, and tell me there isn’t something sinister about that smile:

So while Unalaq’s plan seems to be on the horizon, 

I’m still trying to figure out how Tonraq fits into all of this.

I know Bo made light of the situation---

Bolin: Whoa, so you [Gestures to Tonraq.] were supposed to be chief, then he [Gestures to Unalaq.] became chief. No wonder you guys don’t like each other.  [Mako elbows him.] Ow! What? Isn’t that what happened?

---but perhaps this is one of the central conflicts of the season.

Naturally, as both daughter to Tonraq and niece to Unalaq (as well as a member of the Water Tribes), Korra will be caught in the middle. But as the Avatar, she is also responsible for keeping balance in the world, and I suspect this bro-on-bro feud may upset the nature of both physical and spiritual worlds.

Yeesh. 

I wish you luck, Korra.

Dark Unbalanced Spirits

This episode’s writing was solid. 

One of the reasons for its success is that it built upon concepts that have long been established in the Avatar-Korra universe, most notably balance, separation, and good vs. evil (or, in this case, light vs. dark).

In defense of the spirits, Unalaq claims, “There are no evil spirits, there is light and dark in them all. But when they’re unbalanced, the darkness takes over.”

Tonraq confesses, “I don’t want [Korra] to make the same mistake I made. I should never have gone into that forest, and we shouldn’t be going to the South Pole now. Spirits and the physical world should remain separate.

To rebut, Korra exclaims, “Dad, it’s my job to be the bridge between the spirits and the physical world, and I finally have a chance to live up to my potential.

In further defense, Unalaq reminds them: “There used to be lights at the South as well, but during the Hundred Year War, the South was thrown out of balance and the lights disappeared. When the War ended, the North helped to rebuild you physically as a nation, but we have not rebuilt you spiritually.”

So many juicy bits; let’s break it down:

Light and Dark

The writers are playing to one of A:TLA’s (and now, hopefully LOK’s) strengths: refusing black and white story lines and plunging head first into those grey, murky middles.

Just as there is no such thing as a person who is wholly good or wholly evil, there is also no such thing as a person who is entirely made of light or entirely made of dark. Instead, it is our actions---our choices---that reflect who our true characters are.

But what if it’s not your actions or your choices that cause you to turn to darkness, which is potentially the case with the Southern spirits? It’ll be interesting, then, to see how Korra and the others atone for causing the spirits’ disarray.

Separation

Given his experience with spirits, Tonraq sides with logic: the physical world and the spiritual world should remain separate.

But Korra is the Avatar; it’s literally her job to harmoniously bridge two separate worlds. Besides, I would think it’s pretty normal to have spirits living among them.

Whose to say spirits don’t live among us in our world, too?👀

As we first learned in “The Guru”: “the greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation.” Thus, it would be super dope (and super consistent!) if they extended that same wisdom to the story here. 

Balance

This.

The concept of balance is probably what grounds the entire Avatar-Korra franchise, so it’s no surprise that the spirits are struggling with their states of unbalance.

Can I just say, I loved the callback to the Hundred Year War. This is what I’m talking about; write episodes that build upon ideas the audience already knows! Referencing the War serves to fill in the missing gaps from when Aang’s journey ended and Korra’s began, but it also helps propel Korra’s story forward. 

There was also a nice throwback to the “Winter Solstice, Part 1: The Spirit World,” where we learn that a spirit named Hei Bai is terrorizing a village to retaliate against the Fire Nation soldiers who destroyed its home in the forest. We see the same scenario play out when Tonraq and his men annihilate the sacred woods; consequently, the spirits attack the Northern Water Tribe.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to see Korra bring the spirits balance and find that balance for herself as well.

In the meantime, Korra’s got to work on her “spirit fighting”:

And I still don’t understand why the spirits have to 1) look super freaky and 2) look like the Demogorgon!!

Graphic Warning

Tell me I’m wrong:

Yes, Bitch.

Korra had her irritating moments, especially when she was quick to accuse people who were just trying to protect, trust, and love her.

But she was bad. ass. this episode:

Badass Example #1:

This one always gets me.

She ruthlessly, unflinchingly shoves her entire arm down the spirit’s mouth and then sets her fist on fire. 

Biiiiiih.

Badass Example #2:

I think this marks the beginning of Korra starting to believe in herself as the Avatar,

and it makes a mama proud.

All the Hollas

@Jeremy Zuckerman, the music was on point.

@The Animation Team, the scenery in this episode was something else.

Bolin: It’s beautiful.

My thoughts exactly, Bo.

Parting Thoughts

Alright, girl.

What’s good?

Why are you waking up in the middle of the night,

wandering the halls of the temple,

stumbling upon unknown Avatars,

who mysteriously and simultaneously light up when Korra opens the South’s spirit portal?

And why only you, my dear Jinora?

It has to be said: I’m so happy our eldest airbender might have more of an arc in this book. Her two siblings definitely overshadowed her last season, but only because they have such big personalities! 

Still, Papa Tenzin: please keep your little girl safe!!

Favorites

Tenzin took his little airbending family on a field trip!

(Aunt Kya and Uncle Bumi also tagged along and they proved very helpful by unloading Oogi.

No, seriously. They were mistaken for servants, haha. 

I told you Tenzin would get his payback for all of last episode’s teasing.)

There were so many giggly moments with my favorite family today!

How to Be Polite (ft. Tenzin):

Abbot Shung: This is an ancient airbender head shaver we’ve refurbished just for you.

Tenzin: Oh. Okay?

How to Be Polite (ft. Pema):

Abbot Shung: These flowers once filled the mountainside! Now, they can brighten up your room.

Pema: That’s... sweet? Y-you didn’t have to.

I know this moment is a funny one, but thank you for recognizing Pema for birthing, nurturing, and loving her beautiful, yet all over the place children. 

Which reminds me...

These kids are the best kinds of headaches:

Meelo: Mommy, Daddy, look! I finally got a lemur! I’m gonna name him---Poki!

Poki! Come back!

Ikki: No! That gift is mine! Jinora: You don’t even like to read! Ikki:

No actual dialogue in this scene and yet their sleeping positions say so much.

I’m sure Papa Tenzin would agree:

Tenzin: Where are your brother and sister?

Meelo: You can’t catch me! I’m the greatest air scooter-er of all time!

Tenzin: Meelo!!

... maybe not.

The Dork and the Deadpan

As always, we have Bo being Bo:

^dork.

And how are things coming along with Eska, you ask?

Eska: Does this sidecar have the capacity for two passengers?

Bolin: [Flirting.] Sure does. But, uh... who’s gonna drive?

Mako: [Teasing.] Well, what do you know? Looks like---

Bolin: Go away, Mako.

I have to say, the surprise of the episode is definitely Eska! 

She’s hilariously deadpan, especially when she’s protective

Bolin: Can we not talk about dark spirits, please?

Eska: Don’t worry. I will protect you, my feeble turtle duck.

Bolin: Oh, it's in the engine! Ahhhh! I can’t stop it!

Eska: I’ll save you.

Bolin: I’m a raft!

[...]

Bolin: Uh, can someone please deflate me? 

Thank you.

or jealous of Bo:

Eska: Why are you initiating physical contact with another woman?

Bolin:

Hate to break it to ya, Bo, but it looks like Eska’s wearing the pants in this relationship.

(And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.)

Quote(s) of the Episode

Mako: You never cease to amaze me.

Korra: Thanks. By the way, I’m really sorry for being a total pain. Things were really stressful and pretty confusing... It’s hard being the Avatar. Mako: [Jokingly.] It’s harder being the Avatar’s boyfriend.

I stan an apologetic, understanding, and supportive couple.

The Southern Air Temple:

This episode was begging for parallels,

and my purpose in life is to serve.

Remember when Aang got upset because his home was so different and so empty?

Look at it now! How it’s thriving!

Jinora: Wow. The statue room.

Tenzin: That’s right, Jinora. The most sacred place in the entire Southern Air Temple.

Katara: They’re Avatars! All these people are your past lives, Aang.

Aang: Wow! There are so many!

The Trance™

To me, this is also Aang’s place of “re-birth.”

For it is here that the world discovered the Avatar had returned.

Aang now rests in the place that started it all, and it’s got me feeling some type of way.

credits