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#she’s just like ‘for god’s sake’ lol
fingertipsmp3 · 6 months
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So me and my friend unpacked that night terror I had the other night & basically I am now on a self-imposed horror ban because I genuinely think if I keep consuming horror with my current mental state I will have a full-blown psychotic break 😔✌🏻
#for the uninitiated: basically i dreamed of an entity that was ‘the personification of fear itself’ and it was standing in the corner of my#room heavy-breathing and looking at me. it followed me through 3 layers of sleep (dream within a dream; regular dream; WAKING -#i hallucinated it during a sleep paralysis incident)#and i was unpacking it with my friend and i was like ‘i think the reason i was able to fall asleep again so fast (within 10 minutes lol)#and the thought of it hasn’t really bothered me when i’ve tried to sleep since is that it felt like more of a warning than a threat#like it kept getting worse each time i saw it but obviously i was fine. like it never tried to harm me. it just stood there’#and she was like ‘so do you believe in symbolism in dreams?’ i said ‘i don’t believe in prophetic dreams and i don’t believe that dreams#always have meaning. what i believe is that when the conscious mind shuts off for sleep; the subconscious starts unpacking stuff completely#at random and starts working through it. i think it’s a complete roulette. i think the best example of that is the time i had a dream that#one of my teachers was selling teddy bear ties just because he wore a tie with teddy bears on it once. i had that dream about a week later.#i was not in any way preoccupied with his tie; i saw it once and that was it but my brain obviously decided to use it’#so she was like ‘so you think that you dreaming about an entity that was the personification of fear itself is completely random?’#i was like ‘oh no not really. that makes perfect sense to me. all the movies i’ve watched and books i’ve read and podcasts i’ve listened to#have been horror’ and she was like ‘and you think that’s healthy for you?’ ‘oh no not really. plenty of it scares me. i even got scared the#other day listening to true crime; which doesn’t usually happen to me but i guess the 4 hour serial killer documentary wore me down’#she’s just like ‘for god’s sake’ lol#so i’m like ‘i mean if i interpret it your way; about dreams having meanings and messages; i guess i’m being warned that i’m dwelling too#much on fear. i’m inviting it into my space deliberately. it’s the main emotion i’m experiencing from the media i consume. and i don’t know#that that’s necessarily… good?’ and she’s like ‘no i don’t think it is. maybe you should read a sci-fi or something or rewatch that reality#show you like?’ and i was like ‘that actually seems like a good idea’#so. no more horror for me for the foreseeable :( i just want to get through the seasonal depression. and get my grief for mabel down to a#manageable level. i mean it’s somewhat manageable now but i still feel sad and guilty all the time and cry randomly#i’m thinking about signing up to be a dog fosterer for the rspca. i mean i work from home; i have an enclosed garden & plenty of time#and i could use the companionship. i just don’t know that i can take on a multi-year commitment right now#personal
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butterflysonnets · 5 months
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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oscill4te · 17 days
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Wednesdays used to be my least fav day of the week but i now replace that with Monday
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#in therapy we identified that maybe my work life affects my sense of happiness more than i thought#it really just takes 1 coworker with no chill =m= i hate micromanagers#hes the kind of person who tells you lots of contradicting things and gets angry over small things#im like his new target that he gets angry at and always nitpicks at. it used to be someone else#and he gives me contradicting orders all the time so its like im always gonna be wrong????#“dont focus on overstock. Always prioritize checking dates”#or “dont focus on checking dates. Always prioritize overstock”#or “mark things down whenever gou can” to “dont mark things down anymore” ?????#he just annoys me and hes weird (legit weird.) and i hate him. and i could rant for paragraphs but i wont lulz#anyways mondays I have to work 8 hrs with him. i really dont like him. goddddd. i had a freak out last week but uh. it got him off my back#i usually use “gray rocking” i just give little answers and nod my head but he kept accusing me of not checking dates (i do!!!)#so i freaked out a lil bit and frantically shlwed him alllllllllll the shit i marked down. it got him off my back it was funny#gotta be hysterical sometimes to get ppl off your back rather than just be a quiet stone that absorbs negativity#its weird bc growing up the “be quiet and say nothing” usually gets ppl off my back but#i guess in my work situation gotta have a small freak out to get ppl off the back LOL. embarrassing but it worked#i dont wanna resort to that tomorrow. god i hate people who micromanage and never see the good you do as an employee. they only see the bad#its never “wow she keeps the department well phased and stock and checks dates and even cleans the units”#just “hmm what small thing can i make a negative comment on?”#or give orders just for the sake of giving orders iykwim#normally i can deal with it but when its ALL day... for 8 hrs.. bruh. i h8 mondays okay
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bluejaybytes · 7 months
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show us your oc lore!!
I'm so sorry but it's exclusively my Splatoon OCs
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I'm not at ALL confident in how legible this is, but this is my Web Of Lesbianism(tm), AKA how (almost) all of my lesbian sploon OCs connect to each other, excluding a few who only connect in small places and/or I don't feel like making icons for. Sorry to Scarlet, who absolutely warrants a place here, but I simply Do Not Want to make an icon for </3
Lore under the readmore because I get extremely rambly. whoops and apologies and this is probably the only time i'll ever let myself get THIS infodump-y in a Tumblr post. I'm writing this after I wrote it all out and I'm so fucking sorry it's literally over 2k words because I have no ability to stop once I've started and I've been outright POSSESSED by these losers for the past month. Here's basically everything about my Splatoon OCs
FOR NAMES. Top right is Basil (Blue tentacles), middle right is Penny (Her name is just written because I haven't drawn her yet), bottom right is June (Pink tentacles), bottom middle is Jake (Blue tentacles), bottom left is Parker (Purple tentacles, also the sanitized icon), middle left is Ruby (Orange tentacles), and top left is May (Pink tentacles)
Everything starts when May, Jake, and Ruby are all around ~16-17, while June, May's little sister, is around ~9. May is VERY into Jake, and Jake's just generally a big flirt and a huge romantic, though it's unsure if he really realizes May's extremely obvious crush on him (He doesn't), or he reciprocates, which is unfortunate, because Ruby, who's May's childhood best friend, is also very into her, but May doesn't realize this. When [UNDECIDED EVENT] happens and May and Jake both come to the realization they need to head to the surface to escape the oppressive Octarian domes, Ruby being with them is very clearly an afterthought, and she knows it. So, her jealousy over Jake being someone May has known for less time yet clearly loves more than her, and the fact that trying to escape being very, very illegal, she turns them both in.
Jake manages to call May before he's caught to warn her that Ruby turned them in and the cops will already be heading to her parents house, which gives May enough time to run home, grab June, and make a run for it. Both May and Jake manage to outrun the cops, with May and June ending up far into the outskirts of the domes, while Jake only gets further and deeper within them.
Around a month or two after their initial escape, May's spotted by a patrol of soldiers stationed right around the way to the surface, with the soldier who spots her specifically being Scarlet, the oldest sister to Ruby (Who's not featured here because I don't want to make her icon), who remembers May from when she was a kid and, alongside that, has been feeling disillusioned with life as a soldier, despite her high ranking, and decides not only to let May go, but to even share rations with her. This only increases as Scarlet realizes May is the runaway who's known to have a young child with her, and it goes from Scarlet sparing her own rations to stealing rations from the squad she leads to make sure both May and June are able to eat properly.
Of course, this doesn't last long, as Crimson, the middle sister to Scarlet and Ruby, and fellow soldier stationed with Scarlet's squad, gets suspicious of the missing rations, Scarlet's dismissal of the issue, and her wandering off frequently, and ends up following her and finds her giving the stolen rations to May. A fight breaks out between the two, with Crimson managing to nearly take Scarlet's eye out in the process, as Scarlet's the only person ever to bring a gun to a knife fight and lose. May booked it the MOMENT Crimson jumped out, so she's long gone by the time the scuffle ends, but Scarlet, having just been caught stealing rations, aiding a runaway, and now attacking a fellow soldier (Even if in self defense), bolts to try and make it to the surface as well, albeit she doesn't know where May ran off to.
May ends up making it to the surface around a month after that incident, after wandering lost for the time between, and, while struggling to try and buy some clothes thanks to the language barrier between her and the commonly spoken languages of the surface, one of the employees working there, Penny, is able to help figure out what May's looking for, and helps her with the whole process, since it's a lot different from how it was in the domes. They don't end up seeing each other after that for around a year, but it's important when they do, as Penny's was the first person on the surface May really had a good experience with, so when they randomly run into each other, May's very happy to be able to tell her how meaningful that was to her, and that she's much more adjusted to the culture and language now.
Meanwhile, Jake! Jake ends up wandering deep within the domes, far away from where the actual settlements and cities are, for over a year, just barely surviving through scavenging and avoiding patrolling soldiers. Still, he's not great at it, and eventually he ends up being held at gunpoint by Parker, who insists he tell her his rank and what he's doing out here. He has no idea, as he was never in the military and lies through his teeth. Luckily for him, Parker is a military deserter, and would've had a much worse reaction had she believed him, instead realizing that he's not a soldier and has no idea what he's talking about. Parker's been hiding out in the area, an abandoned sewer system that's frequented as a supply route for soldiers, for several months at this point, and while she actually enjoys her life of living down there, it's a lot of work to survive on her own, and realizing Jake's a fugitive also means he's a potential survival partner.
The two end up meeting up once every day for around a week before Parker feels confident enough that Jake isn't going to screw her over or try and turn her in or anything, and invites him to live with her at her "apartment", an old maintenance closet that's very secluded and not marked on any military maps, under the agreement that the two of them actually work together. Jake instantly agrees because he's been miserable and awful for the past year, while Parker's doing surprisingly well for herself, she even has multiple sets of clothes that she's stolen from nearby outposts (As well as an entire mattress she stole, and her most prized possession, a full deck of playing cards, and an Octo Shot she definitely killed a man for), as opposed to Jake, who's been going off of only what he had on him when everything went down, which is... practically nothing.
The plot basically slows down and chills out here for a while, May and June end up moving in with Penny after a few months of May and Penny hanging out instead of having to live in the shitty motel they'd been living in before (Albeit, the motel was better than the wilds they'd been living in before that), and Parker and Jake get adjusted to their lives in hiding surprisingly well. May and Scarlet even find each other on the surface again, they run into each other while May's out grocery shopping, and it's a very important moment for the both of them, as they've spent this entire time carrying around the guilt of feeling responsible for what happened, so them seeing the other and seeing how much better they're doing on the surface helps ease those guilts.
And then the events of Octo Expansion happen in the background. Parker and Jake know the routines of the soldiers in the area after years of living together, but the supply lines end up being used by sanitized Octoling soldiers after Kamabo starts massively ramping up production, leading to patrols of sanitized soldiers at seemingly random intervals, and outside of the predictable patterns that Parker and Jake were used to. Parker's out doing the laundry when a patrol finds her, and, greatly outnumbering her, end up nearly killing her, and dragging her back to be sanitized. She's in too bad of condition to be saved and reused as a test subject, so she's just sanitized instead.
Jake, naturally, notices when Parker never comes back from doing the laundry, and proceeds to be missing for upwards of two weeks. Jake does his best to look for her, but he also doesn't want to stray too far from their "apartment", as he's scared she might return home when he's gone, and with the unpredictable patrols, he doesn't feel like it's safe to stay out for as long as he wants to to look for her, so he ends up sticking close to home and just hoping he'll be able to find some clue of her. Of course, when he finally does, finally spotting her hanging around the entrance to the hallways that lead to their apartment, it's Not a good thing. He runs up to her to ask where she's been, and the moment he calls for her she turns and attacks him. It's not even a fair fight, even if he went in expecting a fight, he wouldn't have won, but this was a complete surprise. She quickly attacks him and takes him back to be put into the metro as a test subject, and, since he was brought back in much better shape than she was, he actually can be salvaged as a test subject!
And then he isn't. He's in the process of being readied as a test subject, namely, having his memories messed with, that the entire plot of Octo Expansion actually happens, and he's freed when the entire facility shuts down, and the metro is just a normal transport system again. He ends up wandering around for another month or so, except doing so very poorly, as the effects that being prepped to be a test subject had on his memory is bad, and basically erased all of his knowledge on how to survive on his own. Eventually, and luckily for him, he's found by one of the rescue teams that have been sent out in the aftermath of Octo Expansion to rescue lost and sanitized Octolings, and FINALLY gets brought to the surface, as well as being hospitalized for a whole myriad of problems, mainly being severely dehydrated from not remembering safe ways to find and gather water reliably.
When he's ready to be discharged, he realizes he has really nowhere to go, but since he still remembers May's phone number from when they were kids (As it's been years at this point, May and Jake are both in their mid 20s now, and June's around ~17), and calls her to ask if she can come pick him up and also if he can crash at her place for a bit. May is more than a bit surprised that her childhood friend she was fairly convinced had died years ago, and that she feels guilty for abandoning, is not only still alive, but super casual and chill just. Calling her cell and asking if he can sleep on her couch. At this point, June's already moved out, having been encouraged by both May and Penny to get out on her own and try getting out of her comfort zone, and is living in Splatsville with her roommate Basil, and not really having any major plot moments of her own. She's having fun and coming out of her shell and having silly lesbian shenanigans with her roommate in the background while Jake and May are experiencing the horrors.
Ultimately, this is about where thing stop being decided and I still need to figure out what happens next. Jake is living on May and Penny's couch (The universe will never let them have their house to themselves. Not even 3 months after June moves out, Jake's crashing on their couch), and has no memory of his time with Parker, Parker's MIA and potentially dead, and May's struggling with the idea that Jake's either in denial of some major trauma he must've faced through the years, or that she's somehow uniquely fucked up from what happened to them. To make matters worse, Jake's memory issues become more and more apparent, as he continues to struggle to remember Penny's name, instead repeatedly calling her "Parker", yet getting confused when he's corrected. I'm ultimately unsure what I'm going to do to resolve this plot thread, but May and Penny do realize that whoever Parker was, she was someone Jake knew in the time he was missing, and are trying to figure out just exactly who she was, if not where she actually is
Whether or not Parker is dead... it's up in the air. I initially planned for her to die and stay dead, but I'm the worlds biggest sap and I feel bad about killing her off permanently, as well as the fact I have plenty of silly ideas for what I could do with Parker once she's on the surface, so I'm still debating if it's more narratively satisfying for her to die or not. There's, if you believe it, actually a ton I'm glossing over (The intricacies of Jake and Parker's dynamic, the reasons why Parker left, basically everything about Basil and June, literally Basil has an entire friend group that has their own mini-plot that's not at all connected to this and doesn't get mentioned, Crimson is going to be more relevant once I figure out what I want to do with her, ect), but uh. That's the very long gist of it.
If anyone actually, genuinely reads through all of this. Thank you, apologies, and I love you
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cosmic-kaden · 18 days
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Tells the woman I can be ready to leave at the end of the month.
She wakes up early (as she often does)
Throws away all of my food
👌 fucking n i c e /s
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adriles · 1 year
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I’m curious which war crimes you do and don’t approve of
i enjoy any war crime induced by rage, racking up a ton of kills, maiming every enemy combatant in sight. only shitheads kill in attempt to live up to the heroism of others
#thinking about malouf’s ransom specifically here lol#when he writes achilles’ having a vision of priam’s death at the hands of neoptolemus#with the attempt of avenging his father. but their is nothing to avenge. same with polyxena#in hecuba they have it be tbat achilles’ spirit comes before neoptolemus and tells him to kill her to return#but i could just be a euripides hater with the exception of his helen play but. that doesnt sit right with me#it is to appease the wind in the same way iphigenia was to appease the gods#it was bound to happen anyways. but it is upon achilles’ grave as neoptolemus again sees himself as avenging his father#it is an unsatisfying act. all that killing for the sake of achilles#sure u can be like. polyxena led him to the gates#but she didnt kill him that is paris and apollo#but paris is already dead so who is left for neoptolemus to target as his father’s avenger#it is a role without any use. it is pointless.#and when we see achilles in the odyssey he barely cares about the news of his own son beyond odysseus saying yeah he is chilling#it is more to lament his own suffering#i dont think achilles cares in the end about neoptolemus. he is just a boy like his father bred for war and desperate#for purpose and attachment#beyond that tho. i dont think achilles would approve of killing priam like that is the main thing#he is not above violence to the man. he threatens him in book 24. but in the end there is a respect there. for the grief and loss they share#malouf writes about the shame that follows neoptolemus after everything#and i think that is a far more poignant thing than disappointment from the father you barely know#to carry the weight of your actions knowing that your father would so differently#again achilles is a piece of shit and would do the same if not worse in his son’s place#but in his place toward priam he wouldnt. and neoptolemus reaps that destruction anyways#this is long winded the point is the shame rather than the actual disapproval of war crimes lol#i will say i dont think achilles’ rage and revenge is to the same level. he laments after patroclus died that it hurts more than he thought#because he would think losing a father or son to be more heartbreaking#but no it is the loss of the equal and confidant that hurts the most#but neoptolemus never knew his father. this isnt for his father’s personal sake it is for his legacy + where neoptolemus will end up with it#and therein lies the difference. they have that familial bond but no real connection#ask
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mainfaggot · 5 months
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oh also shes straight
#and the part of me thats empty hopeless and constantly passively suicidal scores a goal!#a win for the agony within!#a loss for whimsy hope and serenity and the part of the me that is trying to heal and move forward without the weight of it all defining me.#it's like. im not surprised. why did i have expectations#why did i hope. i shouldnt hope. im so stupid. i shouldnt hope i should know better than that. im scarily lacking substance. im a shell#im a puppet. i cant form lasting relationships im an actor im a liar it would've never worked anyway#-> me going insane in real time#-> i sound so dramatic like go watch txt to do and chill out maybe ⁉️#idk lol 😐#im not giving up bc she said we should hang out again and friendship is always an option and she already#knows too much about me at this point so it's too late to back out#here is to befriending her for the sake of allowing myself to exist imperfectly and for the sake of hanging out with someone every week for#funsies and nothing else. we dont need to have some grand connection. she doesn't need to have a crush on me. we can just be#on campus buddies#we can meet during the summer at some points too maybe#idk. idk i want to disappear i think bc i really feel like i embarrassed myself by being so open about my insecurities#i should've put on the mask i usually wear#but i didnt#and everything thats pathetic about me was on full display#i don't know. god. i dont know#what matters is i made her smile a few times. my unnecessary commentary got a laugh out of her a few times too#the world is still spinning#the air was refreshingly chilly on my way home today#i got rained on and came to class looking beautiful despite my carefully slicked back hair falling into my eyes#my spanish professor agreed with my thoughts on the text we were analysing#z.post
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halforcdad · 1 year
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ngl seeing the way some fans have been speaking on yasmine’s absence this season has been so upsetting like you have grown adults out here really wishing for her to get kicked off her other show (and being disappointed that she isn’t! in this economy!) because some unfortunate scheduling conflicts got in the way of filming s2. it’s one thing to miss your favorite character, but it’s another to wish for someone to lose a job over it (tacking on “glad she stays booked and busy though” at the end of these posts hardly makes it come across any better) 
it’s not like you constantly see poc actors getting work that doesn’t force them to be anything more than stereotypical one-dimensional villains of the week or guest characters that get maybe 5 lines, let alone getting booked consistently, so it should be a good thing seeing an actor you like (especially a woc actor) staying busy and having other projects to work on (and she’s not the only one on the show to do that obviously, they’re actors they gotta make a living outside of the show too)
and there’s also people who talk about lucy's absence like it’s the writers’ fault that she’s not in the episodes, like it was the writers’ decision to just randomly write off one of their regulars and one half of their main couple for half a season. i think it’s fair to say that the writing has been hit-or-miss for s2 (and it’s definitely shakier in episodes where lucy’s absent) and you’re allowed to be dissatisfied with that and critique it, but there’s a difference between critiquing the writing and looking for someone to blame (critiquing the story reasons they’ve written for lucy being out/lack of lucy mentions in the interim vs. blaming the writer’s for leaving lucy out of an episode when yasmine just wasn’t available to film).
i know everyone’s frustrated and afraid of a repeat of s2 where she’s gone for half the season, but that doesn’t excuse anyone from acting like this lol. she’s a series regular, i doubt they’d let her continually miss half the season every season especially for a show she’s not a main character on.
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pepprs · 2 years
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also the favoritism thing is still making me so fucking mad and insane btw. im not jealous / resentful of my brother bc he deserves her love and is also burdened in his own ways by it and bc i think my drama w my mom has shaped my life in profound ways and given me friends i cherish and i would never trade any of that for the world but jesus fucking christ. why do i have to beg you to interact with me like a mother. why do i have to talk to me at all beyond asking me to do you 847439473 favors a day. why do i have to beg you to take an interest in my life and apologize when you hurt me and be nurturing and perceptive for once in your fucking life. like it hurts to hear her asking him about his classes and whatever bc she didn’t think i was stressed out w school but i had to talk to a ****** hotline last decemver when i couldn’t take it anymore and my mental health was crashing and burning and it doesn’t even fucking matter to her at all and she’s going to get him the nice gifts and throw him the nice parties and whatever because she hates me and my sister for… and let me get this straight… being complicated and anxious and depressed and also girls. lol!
#purrs#delete later#sorry i knowive been insane about momposting but this shit has me screeching like an ape. the way when my brother was born she decided me#and my sister would be okay with each other bc we were twins and meanwhile she was leaving my sister to have anxiety attacks and me to take#care of her and all of this happening at like 7 years old and she would come into my brothers room every single night and kiss him goodnight#and talk to him for a long time and she wouldn’t even come in and say goodnight to us. LOL. ok. like our room being a depression nest is not#an excuse. us not helping out much in the kitchen or around the house (which is bad but also we have reasons for it that i think are valid#and i only do it here and not elsewhere btw.) is not a good excuse. you can’t decide you love your one kid more because he helps out and#keeps his room clean and whatever. maybe he is normal because you made it very clear from the time that he was born that he was your top#priority and you gave him your attention and didn’t take it away meanwhile my sister and i have always had to share bc we’re twins and she#cast us aside when he was born and has fucking tormented both of us for years over who we like what we want where we go all of that shit and#then has the AUDACITY to call herself a good mother. being a good mother is more than feeding your kid and projecting your childhood trauma#onto them by preventing them from ever developing cancer to the point where they’re afraid fo like. go outside. you have to be patient and#nurturing and kind and like.. motherly. ans i know no one can be a perfect mother and she has been hurt so badly and she is dealing with a l#lot right now but COME ON. for gods SAKE. i am right fucking here. why don’t you care about me? why do you make it clearer every day?#ask to tag#like the way she would say when my sister and i were growing up and going through it that she wished she could book a hotel and live there f#far away from us and miss out on us growing up so she wouldn’t have to deal with us being anxious and hormonal because we were teenage girls#LOL. totally did not impact me at all. totally is not a wound that informs every breath i take and every thought i have. not at all#* like maybe he is normal because you uh… idk. just a guess here. actually gave him the motherlove people need to be functioning healthy#human beings? idk. just a silly thought. haha
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burger-goblin · 9 months
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sugared-violets · 1 year
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who needs surgeons when you can just reread the book that defined your adolescence and get your heart ripped out for free
#i didn't get through a whole chapter before i started crying#this is about the dusk gate chronicles which nobody on the face of the planet has ever heard of lol#it's just. these books meant EVERYTHING to me#i've never connected so deeply with any other protagonist. like there are others i LIKE more but this is different#quinn (the protag) just feels... idk like the same as me. almost every decision she makes is the one i would make and our flaws are the same#the love interest reminded me so much of the real boy i was in love with too and that kills me now#the core philosophy of the book literally held our stupid dysfunctional relationship together a couple times#but even now that i'm out and regret ever knowing him the philosophy still means so much to me just in a different way#the rose garden i was trying so hard to cultivate and grow and protect turned out to be nothing but thorns#and the dandelions i used to root out are the happiness i needed all along. yes they're easier but it's easy now because it's right and good#and now it hurts bc these books brought me so much joy but now its stained with associations to someone who hurt me carelessly#in a character that made me want to fall in love#for fucks sake he has the same NAME even. Will this and Will that i can't take it!!!#god. maybe i could find a way to read kindle books in my browser so i can use a deadname replacer on him lol#rename him something that won't break my heart every damn time i read it#anyway. sorry for this i am very sad#dani.txt
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months
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I’m officially going back to work on Saturday <3
#just a two hour lunch cover. just to see if my knee can handle it or will try to kill me for standing for that long#but it feels like a big step. it feels massive to trust my knee like that again#gotta make sure i do all my exercises between now & then lol to make sure it’s as strong as it needs to be#but god i hate doing squats. i haaaate iiiiiittttttt#i hate doing the lateral band walk even more though. can i tell you a secret? i’ve skipped it the past couple of days#just couldn’t handle it on top of my lunges and my squats and standing on one knee on top of a pillow and swaying side to side to shift#my balance from leg to leg……. and the towel thing which is supposed to be strengthening my shitty vmo#and i thought the calf stretch was bad. BRO. i do the calf stretch ~240 times a day now. 120 per leg#the other night i woke up with one of those really bad cramps in my calf and i did the calf stretch and it went away#anyway. if anyone has any advice for doing squats when it feels like your kneecap may fall off if you do a squat; let me know#also let me know if you have any advice for doing a job where you have to stand and walk and stuff the whole time. and your knee feels like#it’s going to fall off. i am kind of freaking out ngl#i think i’m just going to dose myself up on painkillers; wear my brace and just do it#for god’s sake the assistant manager literally needs a knee replacement and she proceeds. i don’t need a knee replacement. i must be fine#personal
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keeps-ache · 1 year
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ouuhwhuh the nectar (water) ! ohhuhuihouhuhu
...am i a fish
#just me hi#wwwwwwwwwortorrrrrr ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#am i just like at that stage of dehydration where i don't feel it again or are my senses Elevated. hard to tell#[takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a si#/god was so so very right for making water. oh man oh boy oh Man#like. this stuff is Great#sometimes it's Really gross but this stuff is really really good#how many types of water are there#google says 7#7 wortor. 7 virtues......#fish virtues............#oh no my conspiracy brain is coming out of hiding oh gosh oh frick oh n-#//oh yeah so i had to do Hygiene Things earlier and my mmmmmother Finally got shampoo after Weeks of DISH SOAP.#heavens' sake- DISH SOAP. it was in my HAIR. it was AWFUL#just TERRIBLE. it's a horrible awful terrible texture and i don't even know how to describe it. it's like. plastic#bad vibes!#so my mom's like 'why don't you just use the dish soap lol' and i don't have my brain on so i'm just like 'it feels bad :/'#and i Know there's somebody who agrees with me cuz like. that shizz is sposed to strip off COOKING OIL. i am NOT so much an oily boi as my#mother wants to believe (assuming from the fact she kept telling me to use DISH SOAP. WRONG.)#yeah this isn't the first time this has happened. yea i wish it would be the last time but this isn't the world of my dreams yet so#/DISH SOAP. it dries out my skkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkine i canNOT believe this. Horror#//anyway my dramatics are over again :) [drapes over the couch]#somebody fetch me like. a lemonade or something. or pink lemonade!! very good drink :D [continues to Drape]
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bibiana112 · 2 years
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abt ur reblog abt fandom stuff, i will happily oblige to ask if ur brain gave u anymore thought of the no apocalypse junpei finds quark au? love love love aoi's role in it and i think abt it a lot so im curious! literally happy to listen to anything abt it this is my entire shit
Oh!!! Sadly I don't have much on it, no, but I do have the initial little exchange that made me think about it, a lot of times my brain just runs with a back and forth dialogue and if I like it I write it down and only if I like it a lot do I go back and write down the descriptors and rest of the context to how the scene plays out in my head but it's sadly not happened to this as fun as it would be of a scenario to think about my brain checked out after I wrote down Aoi being super embarrassing to Akane by talking about when she was a baby and bossing the two around cause they called him in to babysit for being the only one there who knows anything about tending to another living being
Okay actually I read the thing again and apparently I thought of this as an au on my version of the au where the kurashikis don't do any of the vlr or ztd stuff and just work with sois on random esper stuff after a couple years so they don't have to be on the run anymore but they still have more restrictions than other agents, so there's a little joke that's like hey do you this violates probation? And idk there could be a plot there somewhere also they're at least in their late twenties by that point if not early thirties and Junpei and Akane aren't married cause this isn't canon they don't get officially hitched as soon as they look at each other again
I guess I'll add what I actually have here, hold up I'll give the bare minimum of context so they're not talking in the void
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Once the door cracks open and Akane gets up in a huff to greet her brother with one rant after another, none of which Junpei even directs his attention to or try to follow, he gets up from his seat carefully. Holding a little blond baby draped in a single blanket they had lying around in his arms.
Aoi already got the heads up of what's happening from Akane earlier, although she didn't sound as eloquent as usual. Tenmyouji was out and somehow came across an empty lot which somehow had a baby crying in it and somehow it wasn't just him hearing things but an actual child that was abandoned there when he went to look.
And somehow, he thought bringing the kid home with him was the most logical course of action, which Akane couldn't agree with less. There were a thousand other ways he could have helped and as far as she's concerned this is one of the worst ones.
Before they could get into an even messier argument the crying started up again and she elected to call her brother in for backup before she had a Moment™ over how irresponsible it was for her stupid fiance to come home with an infant when he has yet to successfully keep a plant alive on his own.
Despite how set off by such an unpredictable event his sister was, Aoi wasn't seeming terribly unsettled. In fact after he's done helping Akane cool off and sending her to take a breather along with a glass of water for herself, he walks up to Junpei rather giddy. Which Junpei will never get used to seeing from him. He'll much less get used to hearing him make a high pitched voice as he leans in to lend a single finger for the baby to grasp with his whole entire chubby little hand.
"Aww... where did this little guy come from?" He spends a little bit like that, Junpei also smiling fondly while Akane, from far over the corner table, silently judges them both. It's late at night and she got herself coffee instead of plain water. Then Aoi's voice goes mostly back to normal, dropping harshly to an incredulous tone as he pulls his face away like he didn't want the infant to notice the change in tone. Although, his hand doesn't move away. "Seriously though, are you guys gonna keep'em?"
"That's the idea!" "We're *not* keeping it!"
"Ah, I see what the emergency really is. You needed a babysitter while you tear each other to shreds, I mean, sure, at your service. Hey, hold like this." With that Junpei's arms are free, he does watch for what his brother-in-law to be shows him to be the correct way of properly resting them over the shoulder and then how to support the baby's neck and head with how he was doing it earlier.
"Did you give them a bath after bringing them in? Even wrapped up on this it's far too cold outside. How long's it been exactly?"
"Uh, only a couple hours, sun was already down. And no, of course I didn't, how do we even do that? You can't just put him in a shower."
"Well, no duh. You need a little plastic bathtub, eh- honestly even just the sink will do, as long as it's shallow enough to hold them up."
"How do you even know this stuff."
Akane joins them, getting close while paying attention only to what they're talking about. Unfortunately, it's Aoi who's talking.
"Mom and dad had me help dry Akane after her first baby bath–" "Aoi..." Her hand goes instinctively to pinch his arm but it stops halfway, then it stays there as she closes her eyes and inhales deeply defeated by the fact she can't shut him up this easily without risking him losing his balance.
"She was soo tiny. I don't know about being this small, but I think she was heavier."
"Aoi. Aoi. Please, shut your mouth. And I'm pretty sure you just couldn't hold as much weight back then."
"Hm. Maybe." He shrugs. Then completely takes the subject over a one hundred and eighty degree turn. "Do you think this violates probation by the way?"
It's Junpei who answers.
"That's... A fair question."
He didn't think of the legal implications of bringing a baby off the streets to his house which just so happens to be the same place his criminal mastermind girlfriend lives. In fact, he was much more hopeful she'd be all altruistic about it and how it's the right thing to do instead of getting hung up on it being an impractical solution or that he's just fooling himself wanting to skip right to raising a kid together or whatever.
"We are not on 'probation', and we're not adopting a whole human child because of an impulse *you* had, Junpei. Our technically legal position is only yet another reason we should–"
Aoi interrupts her before she can get on a roll ranting again.
"Can you guys argue at the grocery store? This thing is gonna get hungry sooner rather than later and we can't exactly feed them with instant ramen."
"I have other things on the kitchen, I'll let you know!"
"Yeah, well, but I don't figure you treat yourself to baby formula on the weekends, now do you? And a can of energetic won't do it either, jackass. Now, get moving!"
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ink-livi · 2 years
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So as a lesbian, would you-
Lemme stop you right there lmao
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arolesbianism · 2 days
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Y'know I know I've said like a billion times I don't want to know shit abt Jackie's past but erm. Hi klei. Please just tell me if Josephine and Alan are her parents or some miscellaneous relative this is so important. Did Jackie seriously come from a household with a colonel and another person with a doctorate or does she just happen to be related to them this is so important for how I decide to move forward with my Jackie hcs and with my aus in general I need to know so bad tell me right fucking now
#rat rambles#oni posting#dude I was so sure that I didnt want to know anything abt Jackie's family situation but now I sure as hell fucking do#also if they are her parents then that'd mean she'd have a sibling named jonathan. and god of fucking course she would#my version of a jackie brother may be off in the wind but I would love a new one that she actually gets to have met this time#also to be clear the doctorate + colonel parent situation that Im desperate to know if I can act on is so perfect for jackie#like oh yeah of fucking course shed be a military kid why didnt I think of that first#back in my original hcs she had a brother who was an adult when she was born and was a part of the army#so in my minds eye this adds up perfectly and would to me explain a lot abt her#also the idea that j names run in the family is so fucking stupid I love it#also the fact that her maybe brother named their child after her is making me sick dont do that no child deserves that </3#the fact that its a middle name honestly makes it worse to me lol#god. god those 3 radio logs man. it makes me wonder so so hard#I doubt well get to fully know what happened there but if the colonel is her parent and theyre the same as the tragedy averted log mentions#then we suddenly have a situation in which the possibility of jackie having been involved in at best seriously threatening her parent or at#least relative's well saftey is a very real interpretation of these currently available logs#and I find that soooo fucking fascinating#now again that might not be the case as we just dont know enough#but as of now its a very real possibility and its one that excites me#the idea of jackie being willing to risk the life of a relative like that for the sake of sabotaging a rival and doing a publicity stunt#absolutely rules and I am in love with the concept go girlie go murder your maybe parent#also if I may discuss the timeline matters here shit is looking fucking wild#dude we now have an id that starts with x. like holy shit what the fuck#like there's a world where it's just a weird way of reacting it but like I genuinely dont know#could we be seeing some genuine late state gravitas shenanigans over here?#oh also we got another nikola mention lets goooo#also we have So many more rando names now and this is just with the logs we do have#we have the jackie relatives along with the inlaws mentioned in the same email ofc but we also have harold's son calvin and the x id#scientist I mentioned before b. boson#now boson actually is a potential dupe donor candidate considering we do in fact have a free b dupe to work with (<- is shaking violently)
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