#manageable level. i mean it’s somewhat manageable now but i still feel sad and guilty all the time and cry randomly

[spencers-renaissance]

All Roads Lead Home

Summary: Spencer's working the Christmas Eve shift when a young boy with a hurt arm comes into the ER. Nothing out of the ordinary, except his rather flirty dad and leaving later with an extra phone number in his contacts list...

Tags: fluff, hospital au, christmas fic, first date, getting together, gentleman aaron, soft spencer

Pairing: Hotch x Reid

Word Count: 2.1k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Spencer’s never really minded the Christmas Eve shift in the ER: it’s often fairly quiet, only the odd accident here and there to one extent or the other, what with most people holed up at home with family by now. Everyone working tries to make it as jolly as possible, nurses wearing elf hats and wrangling as many doctors into santa ones as possible, and Christmas music plays on the hospital radio. Plus, it’s something for him to do. He usually spends Christmas Day with his friends, but Christmas Eve can be long and drawn out, so spending it at the hospital helping people is the perfect solution, really. The bonus pay doesn’t hurt either.

It certainly proves to be true when he pulls open the curtain to treatment four to reveal a criminally attractive man and his son who’s clearly in quite a state, tears streaming down his face as he heaves great big sobs. 

“Hi,” he says, deciding to focus on the situation at hand and not the ruggedly sexy man trying to calm his son down, “I’m Dr Reid, how can I help?”  

“Well, Jack got a little over-excited when playing with his friends earlier,” the man explains, ruffling his son’s hair gently, “and slipped in the snow. He’s in quite a lot of pain so I thought it was best to get it checked out today so we can enjoy Christmas properly tomorrow.” He smiles fondly down at Jack before looking back up at Spencer hopefully.

“I’m sure we can get it all figured out in no time,” Spencer says reassuringly before bending down slightly to level himself with Jack, who's cradling his arm protectively. “Okay, buddy, do you mind if I have a little look at that arm there?” 

As soon as he tries to reach for Jack’s arm, he sobs even harder begging him not to touch it, so Spencer decides to switch tactics. “Hey, Jack, do you want to see a magic trick?” he asks encouragingly. 

Even through his tears, Jack nods eagerly, so Spencer wastes no time in showing him one of his favourite tricks, instantly captivating him with his deft hand movements, distracting him enough to slow down his sobs. By the time he’s pulling a penny from behind his ear, Jack’s cries have calmed down enough for him to smile excitedly. 

He takes the opportunity to conduct his examination as quickly as possible, noting how much pain Jack seemed to be in. “Now, you’ve been quite the brave little soldier but how about I get you some medicine for the pain, hey?” 

He waits for Jack’s nod before looking to the nurse working with him and requesting 25mcgs of fentanyl. “We’ll start with a relatively low dose but if Jack’s still in pain after that we can adjust it to make him as comfortable as possible okay?” Spencer says, checking to make sure they’re both happy before administering the medicine. “Now, we need to get you up to radiology to do an x-ray just to check if there’s a fracture, but until then, hang tight. You did so well, Jack.” He gives both of them a warm smile before walking up to the nurses’ station and ordering the exam. 

He doesn’t give the interaction much more thought until an hour later when he’s stood at the vending machine suddenly desperate for a coffee and craving something sweet. “Oh, Dr Reid!”

Spinning round to see who called him, he sees Jack’s father a few metres away, walking up to him. “Mr Hotchner, hi,” he says, smiling a little. “How’s Jack doing?”

“He’s just getting his cast on actually,” he explains, matching Spencer’s smile. “Turns out it was fractured after all, but with the pain medicine kicking in, he wanted to be a big boy and have it done without daddy there.” 

“Well, as soon as he gets back to school, he’ll be king of the playground,” Spencer points out. “These sorts of things end up actually making most kids happy in a funny kind of way.” 

“Ah, he’s already brainstorming how to get the most signatures possible,” he replies, shaking his head with a fond smile lighting up his face. “I wanted to thank you, actually, for being so good with Jack earlier. You really helped calm him down.”

“Oh, please, it’s not a problem!” Spencer says, waving a hand. “Kids are the best part of this job. Getting to flex my magic muscles is just as fun for me” 

“No, seriously, it meant a lot to me. Let me buy you a coffee?”

“Oh… Mr Hotchner, you really don’t need to--”

“Call me Aaron,” he interjects, grinning invitingly. “And I really do insist.”

Well. How could Spencer say no to that? He absolutely does not check Aaron’s left hand for a wedding ring as he lets himself be guided to a table in the cafeteria, but he can’t even feel guilty about it because Aaron’s giving him a certain kind of look that holds promises, and damn if that doesn’t stir something in Spencer’s gut, a spark of unfettered excitement shooting down his spine. 

“Thank you,” Spencer says earnestly as Aaron comes back from the counter with two coffees and pastries, “this is exactly what I needed.”

“You’re a saint for working on Christmas Eve,” he replies warmly. “And you’ve made what could’ve been a pretty rotten day much better, so it’s the least I could do.” 

“Well, I appreciate it,” Spencer smiles, looking down at his hands wrapped tightly around his coffee cup bashfully for a moment. “So, what are your plans for Christmas?”

“We keep it lowkey,” Aaron says after a mouthful of hot coffee. “A nice slow morning of treats and toys before we head to my late wife’s family’s house for a meal and presents in the evening.”

“That sounds lovely,” he replies, choosing to brush past the mention of Aaron’s late spouse; in his experience that only tends to make things awkward. “I’m sure Jack appreciates still seeing that side of his family.”

“Oh, he does,” he chuckles in response. “But so do I, I’m not that close with my own family so having a relationship with Haley’s really means a lot to both of us. Anyway, what about you?”

“I spend Christmas with my friends, actually. My mother lives in Las vegas, but it’s kind of hard to see her anyway,” Spencer says, decidedly not elaborating on that. “Most of my friends have family living out of state or no family at all, so we all go to Derek’s and spend it there, it’s actually a really nice tradition.”

“Definitely,” Aaron agrees. “Well, since we’re both occupied tomorrow, how do you feel about going to dinner with me after Christmas?”

“Really?” Spencer asks, suddenly feeling a little shy. 

“Of course,” Aaron says, face open in a refreshing kind of way. “That is, if you want to. There’s obviously no pressure, but I’d really like to take you out.”

“No, I definitely want to,” Spencer says quickly, reaching out a hand across the table to brush Aaron’s on instinct, the embarrassment he feels once he realises what he’s done dissipating when Aaron interlocks their fingers, keeping him close. “I was just surprised, is all. Spend Christmas with your family, but I’d love to see you afterwards.”

“Perfect,” Aaron smiles warmly. “Hand me your phone?”

⭐️

The rest of his shift flies by and Spencer spends Christmas in a much better mood than he has done in years. His friends needle him for details but it sort of feels sacred, he doesn’t want to say how he feels out loud, much less what he hopes for lest he jinx it. It’s on Boxing Day that his phone chimes with a text. He’s in the kitchen putting together a sandwich full of Christmas leftovers, but he abandons it in an instant as hope flares in his chest. 

Hope you had a good Christmas. Tell me about it at dinner tomorrow night? - Aaron

He can’t stop a ridiculous smile from spreading across his lips, but he can’t find the heart to care; he hasn’t felt like this for a long time, the idea of spending more time with such an intriguing person who seemed to hold so many possibilities excited him beyond belief. 

Absolutely. Pick me up at 7? - S

Shoot me your address. - Aaron

The 27th of December passes in much the way it always does, languid and lazy, but it feels even more tortuous this year with the promise of a romantic dinner with Aaron Hotchner, the man who managed to make him feel so much in such a short period of time, the man who set his tummy fluttering the second he lay eyes on him. 

Eventually, though, 7 rolls around and Aaron knocks on his door perfectly on time. He pulls the door open to reveal him impeccably dressed, wearing a fond, private little smile on his face. 

“Hi,” Spencer says, trying to seem somewhat intelligent and put together despite the mush his insides are currently melting into.

“Hey,” Aaron says softly. “You look gorgeous.”

Spencer flushes immediately at that, looking down at his toes to escape the intensity of Aaron’s gaze. “So do you,” he manages finally, voice a little strangled. “Ready to go?”

Aaron drives them to a cosy little Italian restaurant on the edge of town, and Spencer immediately falls in love with the quiet, intimate atmosphere and the beautiful Christmas decorations still covering the room from head to toe. He pulls out his chair for him, making sure he’s settled before rounding the table to his own seat, the very picture of a gentleman, and Spencer thinks with a little sadness weighing on his heart that his mother would love him. 

“This is perfect, Aaron, thank you,” he says sincerely as he continues to observe his surroundings, immediately feeling comfortable with the other man. 

“Of course. You have to get started on the right foot,” he grins, a joking glint taking root in his eyes. “Especially if you have serious intentions.” 

“You have serious intentions with me?” Spencer asks curiously, tilting his head a little as he implores Aaron with wide eyes.

“Well, yes,” Aaron says slowly, “but don’t feel any pressure if you don’t feel the same, I’m happy to just see where things go…” 

“Hey, no, I definitely do,” Spencer rushes to clarify, reaching out to touch Aaron’s hand just as he did in the hospital. “I’m sorry, I keep messing that up.” He huffs out a little laugh as he averts his eyes.

“Don’t apologise,” Aaron says, voice warm and inviting and Spencer just wants to fold into him, give in already. “We’re still getting used to each other and our mannerisms and the way we approach things; that’s the whole point of dating. I’m just happy that we’re here getting started.”

Spencer feels his body relax at Aaron’s words, melting into the reassuring comfort of his presence. “Me too,” he says, and he means it. 

They both eat pasta to a background of quiet hustle and bustle and elegant instrumental Christmas music, and they click even more than they did at the hospital, quickly settling into easy and interesting conversation. By the time the waiter comes over with the bill, they’re both full and satisfied, glasses of wine empty and plates cleared. Aaron insists on getting it this time and after he’s paid, he takes Spencer’s hand and they head towards the door together.

Before they can actually leave, however, an older woman comes up to them. “You’re standing under the mistletoe,” she winks, pointing upwards. They both follow her finger, and sure enough a sprig of mistletoe is hung right above them. By the time Spencer looks back towards Aaron, he’s already looking at him with an air of intention. 

“May I?” he murmurs, and Spencer just smiles shyly and nods, feeling Aaron’s lips pressed gently against his own the very next second. 

It’s a relatively short first kiss, they are stood in the middle of a public restaurant after all, but it doesn’t make Spencer feel any less dizzied by it, completely overwhelmed by how good it felt having Aaron that close to him, his hands on his waist as they melted into one another. 

The lady’s gone by the time they come back to reality and open the door onto the cold street, and Spencer’s fairly sure that he’s dreaming because this only happens in films right? But he’s snapped out of his doubtful thoughts when Aaron wraps his arm around his waist, bodies pressed closely against one another, because nothing’s ever felt more real than this.

@strippersenseii @criminalmindsvibez 

[askaceattorney]

Dear forceofnatureandcorn,

...Really?

............................................................Okay, fine.

*Ah-HHHHEM!*

Our good friend Mr. Grossberg is given very little development or backstory in the Ace Attorney series (he sort of disappears after the trilogy, in fact), but I also believe Capcom did a good job of making a lot out of a little with him -- in the first game we see him in, he only has two different sprites, and is never seen anywhere outside his office (not even in cutscenes).  In the second game he appears in, he’s given a simple color scheme change, has a button removed, and has two additional sprites, and even in that game he doesn’t go anywhere outside the courtroom and defendant lobby.  A character who fits that description might sound like a very minor one, but Mr. Grossberg’s role in the Ace Attorney story is in fact one of the biggest most important ones.

When we first meet him, he seems like a friendly (if a little pompous) sort of fellow.

But there’s at least one thing that can cut his pride down to size a little -- namely, his history with the Fey family.

Phoenix mentioning Maya’s name is enough to make his countenance change in an instant.  For reasons he’s clearly afraid to say, he refuses to take Maya’s case, regardless of the fact that he’s her sister’s former mentor.  He seems to remember Mia fondly, regarding her as a fast learner and a passionate attorney, so why would he be so quick to abandon Maya?

Luckily for her, Phoenix manages to step in at the last minute, but we’re left to wonder what (apart from his hemorrhoids) could be bugging Mr. Grossberg until after the first session of Maya’s trial.  Before seeing him again, though, we learn something about him from an acquaintance of his.

The plot thickens gets more interesting, as they say.

It turns out “Grodyburger” at least had the decency to come to Maya’s trial, but he still refuses to admit why he wouldn’t defend her in the first place.  Being the clever lawyer he is, Phoenix finally manages to squeeze some of the truth out of him (sorry to put that image in your head) by connecting him to Redd White after he notices his missing painting.

Phoenix’s timing couldn’t be better, as Grossberg has been dealing with a heavy tough burden for many years, and is now all too eager to confess it to someone.

15 years ago, he made a deal with the devil (or in this case a close relation by the name of Redd White): wealth in exchange for information.

By leaking the fact that the police had used a spirit medium -- who happened to be Mia and Maya’s mother -- in attempting to solve the DL-6 Incident, Grossberg made himself a bit richer, but the money wound end up costing him dearly.  When the police began searching for the one who sold them out, White made him another offer.

On top of the immense guilt he’s had to carry ever since then, he’s had to pay off Bluecorp the whole time.  Defending Maya would’ve only made his situation that much worse, which finally explains where his reluctance came from.

At this point, it's clear that Grossberg is guilty of being both a greedy rat and a coward, but there’s still a tiny part of me that feels somewhat sorry for him.  While he has no one but himself to blame for what’s happened to him, it’s at least good to know that he feels some level of shame for it.  It would’ve been nice if he’d felt like doing something about sooner, buuuuuuut it’s better than nothing, I guess.

Thankfully, he has the decency not to leave it there -- he decides to put Phoenix on White’s trail by offering him a hint.

This act of kindness ends up being the spark that ignites Phoenix’s flame, so to speak, and in the end, Redd White and his blackmail-powered corporation are finally stopped in their tracks.  (At least I assume so, or else they probably would’ve come up in a future game.)  Thus Grossberg turns out to be a crucial ally for Phoenix, redeeming himself ever-so-slightly.  It’s a shame we don’t get to see any interaction between him and Mia or Misty afterward, but at least his story ends on a happy note.

...Oh, right.  There’s still a bit more to his story, isn’t there?  *sigh*

Two cases later, Phoenix pays him another visit, this time bringing Maya along.  After some pleasantries between her and Grossberg (whom he apparently knew when she was younger), and some lamenting over a lost painting, Phoenix inquires about a murder victim who happened to work in Grossberg’s office some years ago.

When the DL-6 Incident suddenly comes up again, Grossberg helps Phoenix and Maya connect a few dots, and then we discover one more interesting tidbit about his involvement in it -- specifically with Misty Fey, the woman whose reputation he had unintentionally ruined.

Knowing what we know about how why she needed his help in the first place, his reaction to Maya’s gratitude should be no surprise.

The sad irony gives his words a completely different meaning, doesn’t it?  It might not make him any less of a greedy rat or a coward, but I still can’t help feeling the tiniest bit of sympathy for him.  There’s no telling how Maya would react if she knew the whole truth, after all.

So, to sum it up, Grossberg is...

...Oh, right.  There’s still a bit more of him in T&T, isn’t there?  *sigh*

There wasn’t very much different about him five years earlier -- he looked the same, talked the same way, and was just as pompous as he is today.

Nevertheless, he does a fine job of helping a poor, frazzled young Mia Fey make another go at it as a defense lawyer.  Much like she ends up doing for Phoenix some years later, he helps her to stay calm, focus on the task at hand, and finally pull off a win (all while explaining some game mechanics to the player).  He’s also there to complain when she makes rookie mistakes.

By the way, I love how Mia carries this over to Phoenix when it’s her turn to get bummed out by his forgetfulness.

Just like with two of Phoenix’s cases, Grossberg’s role in Mia’s second case turns out to be crucial as he not only supports her in the courtroom, but does some important research behind the scenes for her.  In fact, his general attitude during the case can be summed up in one of his lines:

It’s hard to believe someone like that sold out the police and the spirit medium who helped them, but it’s nice to have a look at his more virtuous side for a change.  Could’ve done without all the hemorrhoid talk, but that’s probably where his name came from.

I also happened to notice something about one of his sprites that somehow evaded me before I started writing this essay -- his mustache twitches sort of like a rabbit’s nose.

Whether he smells something or just has sinus issues, we’ll never know (which I’m perfectly fine with), but I just thought I’d mention that.

Anyway, while it’s (*Ah-HHHHEM!*) unfortunate that we don’t get to see anything more of this veteran attorney -- what happens to him after the first game, whether he ever shared the whole truth of the DL-6 Incident with Maya, or the “glorious days of his youth” -- he makes for an interesting side character with a complex story, a jovial attitude, and, er...a rather unusual sense of humor.

Okay, gotta go wash my hands now.

-The Co-Mod

[kagemaruzest69]

Lovesick {Karl Heisenberg x Reader} 

Ch. 3 - {The Factory and Experiments} 

【αℓℓ ℓιƒє ιѕ ηαυgнт вυт αη єχρєяιмєηт】

It was only (Y/N)’s first day having to work with Heisenberg and she already dreaded this man more than she did in the first place. Deep within her still humane heart, she knew that James would never turn his back on her and soon, he would come back to save her. Oh, how naïve was she to think of that.

Right then, the (H/C) haired girl was walking with Heisenberg as he showed her around the factory, starting from the floor B1 whereas it was a floor meant as storage, then lower to the floor B2 which contains the electrical parts for the factory. Along the way, a few soldat soldiers could be seen which made her cringed in disgust and walked closer to Heisenberg much to her dismay. Those soldiers looked very monstrous, something that humanity should never think of and better to be left alone as a wild, sickening, and crazy ideas. Human bodies’ parts were either taken out or just straight being experimented on, exchanged or melded with metal parts. Either one or both of their arms were changed with drills, face covered with visors, and a piece of reactor implanted on their chests. It was truly a sight of nightmare and she had to contain herself from throwing up.

However, the genius man behind the experiment himself explained everything as if those were something of a huge prize and achievements. His possessed prizes, fruits of his crafty hand work and labor. He spoke with pride imbued in every word that he let out from his lips. His body language showing his theatrical side to make things more dramatic.  

Her thoughts raced, thinking if she would end up like one of them if she were to disobey the tall man that walked near her, still explaining about the rooms and occasionally told her about the experiments he was working on with his subjects with the very same enthusiastic behavior. This also showed a somewhat ironic part of the man, it was as if he had never actually had a chance to talk with another living being. A part of her, began to feel pity for him, but it was shrugged off right away.

Their walks and idle talk continued as they walked down through the manufacturing area of floor B3 and down to the B4 where he kept his materials. Heisenberg’s steps suddenly came to a halt and this made (Y/N) bumped to the male. His body was sure hard as steel that she fell and braced herself for the contact with the ground which never came. Instead, her waist met a strong arm that halted her fall. “I can’t have you falling for me now, can I? since we’ve just met, and I barely know you at all.” His face was incredibly close to hers, his infamous smirk playing at his lips as he pulled her up to his chest.

A faint trace of blush was fighting its way to (Y/N)’s face, but she managed to fight it back, thinking that it was just him showing his kindness to her, nothing more. After all, her heart still belonged to James. “I am not falling for you. Had it not been for your sudden stop, I wouldn’t have bumped into you nor fall.” She was examining his facial features closer, he truly looked like the opposite of her boyfriend, he had a messy, shoulder length silver hair and unkempt beard, eyes that were a shade of brown, hidden beneath his sunglasses, unlike James who had a clean and sharp facial feature. “Thank you for catching me nonetheless.” She thanked him as she forced herself out of his grip.

The trip of the factory will finally come to an end, or so (Y/N) thought, until suddenly, a huge roar of engine just like what she had heard earlier before she met Heisenberg came to their attention once again. Heisenberg growled, turned to the source of the noise and yelled at whatever it was to shut up. “What was that?” (Y/N) asked the mechanic, “It was something that it’s better left unknown for now. A failure.” He spoke with a hint of shame.

“Let’s leave it at that, our tour of the factory is over.” He announced as he took out a cigarette and lit it easily. He took a drag from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke. He soon continued his steps to get up to the higher levels of the factory with (Y/N) following closely behind him.

“You have been living in this factory all alone by yourself?” the female asked out of curiosity to confirm that he would be the only problem, the only wall between her and her freedom to get out of the factory. He sighed as he ran a hand over to his fedora hat and tipped it down to cover his forlorn expression. “Sadly yes,” He stopped in his tracks to take a look around the factory that was filled with machines, shelves, and metal parts “And you are my first and only guest of honor here. But I must say that having you as my first guest is a luck to me.”

“So you can just use me as another hand to help you escape?” His laugh was an answer to her rhetorical question. “Yes, you also happen to need a help to escape from this village. We share a common goal, so it is not that bad, don’t you agree?” She folded her hands in front of her chest and huffed, knowing that he was right. “And I want to learn more about the outside world from you.”

(Y/N) was taken aback by his last sentence. Had he never been to the outside world? Never took a single step outside of the village? Not even once in his lifetime? The meaning behind her expression was crystal clear to the male. “Indeed, my dear. I have never made a contact with the outside world, let alone stepping out of this Village because of that wretched witch Miranda.” His teeth were gritted as hatred flew through the curse he had for his supposed to be ‘mother’. The metal parts around them began to rise from the ground. (Y/N) of course noticed this, but once again, rather than fear, the young female’s expression softened into that of a pity. “No, don’t you dare give me that look after accusing me as the monster I am.” He shook his head to the side.

“I am very sorry about that.” She didn’t know what had gotten through her, but she just felt like those words were needed to be said. And just like the magnetic man he was because of the parasite within him, she was lured in close to his side, not by his power, but by her feelings for him. The feelings were ones of sadness, empathy, guilt and regret.

She was sad for him to have lived a long life filled with torture because of the experiments he received and he did. It must have been a nightmare to him. She felt the empathy for the condition he was living in and how he had longed for freedom just like she wanted. She felt guilty and regret that she had accused him when all he did was to save her life in hope of finally getting help from her and how he just wanted her company within his presence.

She engulfed him in a warm hug before she knew it and he froze on the place. His cigarette fell to the floor and a warmth spread within his cold chest. Although, before he could react, (Y/N) had pulled back, “I am sorry I didn’t know why I did that.”

He tried to play tough and scoffed, “It’s alright, however, that will be the only one time you were to hug me like that.” He looked down on his wasted cigarette and stomped softly on it to put the fire out. They both soon returned to his main chamber where the two would take a rest. She would have to live with him in his chamber because the factory held no other habitable room like the chamber. He had offered her to sleep on his bed, but she refused politely, telling him that she was just a guest and she was used to the couch. He didn’t argue with this and thus, he would sleep on the bed and she would sleep on the couch.

[shypotato-translations]

QTVW Chapter 8

Future* President's Fiancee (VIII)

----

After Ling Xihan's words landed, An Mu Lan's spine immediately stiffened.

Ling Xihan reached out her hand, white and slender fingers, and cupped An Mu Lan's chin, turning her head to face her.

And at this time, Ling Xihan saw that An Mu Lan, under her gaze, lowered her head slightly and quietly dropped her tears.

Crystal tears flowed out of her round eyes, somewhat like rain, staining her black curved eyelashes, before falling in large globs, An Mu Lan's lips were tightly pursed at this moment, her face was a look of obvious patience and sadness.

An Mu Lan gave a sob and her lips trembled as she suppressed her emotions and whispered,

"You're disappointed in me, aren't you? You hate me like this, don't you?"

She huffed again, then took a deep breath to calm her emotions.

Only when she had calmed down did she say in a flat tone,

"Although I was the young lady of the An family, my father did not like me, or even hate me, because my mother died for me; and my brothers never considered me as their sister. But I don't blame them, because I hate myself just as much, because I was the one who saw my mother die, and it was all my doing."

She squeezed her thumbs and spoke slowly,

"I don't blame them for being indifferent to me, and I don't blame the servants for looking down on me and bullying me, because these are all human things, but ...... I hated that woman, who was a lowly maid, and yet she occupied the most important place in my father's and brother's heart.

I hated their resentment, she was clearly just selling her flesh, she enjoyed a large group of people taking care of her, but she acted like a victim, she even begged to come to me, how I loathed her, so ...... I played a trick, I wanted her to lose her reputation under the eyes of everyone, so that everyone would see her for what she really was. She is nothing but a self-absorbed lowly servant.”

She blinked as tears crossed her cheeks, there was a look of stubbornness and vulnerability in her eyes, she suddenly turned her head away and finished wiping them roughly with the back of her right hand before continuing,

"So, I did such a thing, so, I let you down, I am not a good girl, I am not well behaved, I am not quiet, and I resent, and I am disgusted. I'm sorry ...... this marriage was a decision made by my father, I will go back to the An family immediately, to see my father and ask him to break the engagement, our marriage, forget it anyway ......"

She wiped her eyes once more, but her voice was tinged with sobs, and she said viciously,

"Anyway ...... Li Jiarou is single now, she is noble and prettier than me, a real lady of the house, she is the one for you, not to mention, the Li family power that is behind her, I know you need this, sorry .... I can't be that useful to you."

An Mu Lan made a move to break free from Ling Xihan's arms, her face showing a grim and hopeless look, but her body's movements, however, were extraordinarily swift.

She broke away from Ling Xihan's grasp, then got up and got out of bed, and just as she was about to put on her shoes and walk away, Ling Xihan tugged An Mu Lan's hand and pulled her back into her arms, and then, she spoke.

Her voice was still cold, with a bit of coolness, she said in a slow tone,

"This matter of alliance is the layout of my arrangement, you just need to obediently do my bidding and stay by my side. You are very good, you know how to use your own hands to get what you want. I like people with a vengeance and a ruthless heart.

Mu Lan, stay and be here. This matter is not up to you, you are not qualified now, you have no right to speak against it, you are just a vase with a little brain, I can provide for you, but if you want to speak on the same level as me, then you have to do what I say."

As she said this, she lifted An Mu Lan's chin and looked into her teary eyes. After An Mu Lan had gone through a suppressed crying session, her eyes were now slightly red and fully hydrated, looking extraordinarily soft and helpless, while her lips, which had become engorged and red from her lover's earlier tight pursing and nibbling.

Ling Xihan looked at this face of hers, innocent and childish, and suddenly lowered her head and kissed her lightly on the lips. She rubbed her lips against An Mu Lan's and then said to her in this intimate position,

"You and I are the same kind of person, I like your softness, but I like your darkness even more, stay well by my side and I will teach you to be evil, teach you to take revenge on those who hurt you personally, because you are beautiful enough to please me. "

After Ling Xihan finished, she got up and straightened her slightly creased clothes, then she resumed her usual harmless indifference and said to the **blushing An Mu Lan,

"I'm going to the study to work now, it's 7pm."

An Mu Lan immediately understood the meaning of her words, she blushed slightly, as if she was shy about the earlier kiss, she whispered,

"I'll clean up and wash up, then I'll go and make dinner, you go and get busy."

Ling Xihan narrowed her eyes in satisfaction and turned to leave the bedroom.

The door closed with a 'bang', and An Mu Lan's stiff body, immediately went limp as she laid back and breathed heavily, as if she had gone through a fierce struggle.

She raised her hand to cover the soft light, the faint sting of her eyes telling her how messy she had been crying earlier. But, as messy as it was, she had finally gotten through this one and managed to turn the tables, bringing her closer and closer to Ling Xihan.

This time, it was when Ling Xihan was looking deeply at her that she came up with the idea on a whim.

As soon as she saw the deepness in Ling Xihan's eyes, she made a show of fear, placing herself in the manner of a child who has been caught doing something bad by an adult with a guilty heart.

It was not difficult for her, for she did feel the threat of death under Ling Xihan's grim gaze, and she knew that if she answered incorrectly, she would be thrown out of the room at the slightest, or die without a trace if she died accidentally.

There are a few places in the novel's plot where it is slightly depicted, the frightening aspect of this person, Ling Xihan.

An Mu Lan had never underestimated her, even with this planning by the Li family, apart from the fact that she felt that it had gone exceptionally well, more than anything else, she was speculating about the helpers behind the scenes.

Subconsciously, when she saw the news, she had already switched on her autonomous defence mode, and this time, she had indeed got it right.

She was not alone in resolving the matter smoothly, though, as the familiar mechanical sound that suddenly sounded in her head as Ling Xihan licked her cheek brought her to her senses.

【The host is facing the threat of death, the system activates its self-rescue mode, redeeming 50 points on its own in exchange for one 'Intelligence Enhancement’.】

【Warning: System hosts please be cautious, your soul consciousness will be completely dissipated if the mission cannot be achieved.】

Mu Lan knew that this was her second crossing mission, she could not remember exactly who she was before she died, but she knew that her existence, was very simple, so she did not have a strong ability to defend herself, her acting skills were poor, her intelligence was usual, she could only be careful to do everything right.

But even this is still not enough, because what happened in relation to the Li family banquet has made her clearly aware that she is lacking in herself, and that she has much to improve.

And Ling Xihan was willing to give her a chance, she was willing to come and teach her to grow, no matter what the reason was, Mu Lan was grateful to her, because whatever she had learnt in this world would eventually be turned into 【Skill Collection】and added to her strength when the task was completed.

An Mu Lan wiped the cold sweat from her forehead, then got up and went downstairs to the kitchen to cook, her role now, apart from pleasing Ling Xihan, was to cook her a home-cooked dinner, she knew that Ling Xihan liked the warmth of home, so she made an effort to do so. She does it patiently and then immediately goes to correct her mistakes, her strong will is to rip off Ling Xihan and she will take her time to do it.

After the two of them had eaten dinner, Ling Xihan walked over to the sofa and sat down. She turned on the electronic video for a rare occasion, randomly pressing the button to a channel, and watched it quietly.

An Mu Lan obediently walked over to Ling Xihan's side and took the initiative to soften her body as the other woman reached out to take her into her arms.

Then she heard Ling Xi Han's flat and slightly cold voice say,

"Tomorrow morning go to the company with me, watch me do my work, I will teach you some things; and in the afternoon, you will go to the exercise room on the ground floor of the company, I have just found some fitness instructors for you, you go and learn some fighting skills from them.

My background is not clean, there will always be people seeking revenge, and at this time, your status as my fiancée is the disadvantage that my enemies use to retaliate against me. As long as you stay by my side, I will keep you safe, though I cannot rule out the unexpected. And at this time, for your personal safety, you need to improve your strength and practice obedience."

After saying that, she kissed An Mu Lan's soft cheek and asked in a low voice,

"Do you understand?"

An Mu Lan looked up at her, her wet and slightly red eyes twinkling, then she pouted and said,

"I understand."

"That's good!"

Ling Xihan rewarded her with a kiss, then took her hand and said,

"Go to my room tonight, you'll move into my room after this, we're in a fiancee relationship, aren't we?"

An Mu Lan blushed down and mumbled her lips as she said,

"Yes, thank you for helping me, that's very kind of you."

At these words, Ling Xihan's hand that was stroking An Mu Lan paused, then gently patted the top of her head and said,

"Go to bed."

An Mu Lan replied,

"Mhm."

[hoefortsungikunibrothers]

Michikatsu x reader x somewhat Muzan Angst (becoming a demon then leaving him for you)

"It's raining outside" (Y/n) said looking through the window of the room as the skies turn a darker shade of grey along with people hurrying to their houses. She doesn't know how to feel with the news of her best friend dying should she be strong or should she be weak.

Her mind turns blank as she turns around to look at the male with long black hair who was currently sleeping "Muzan I'm sorry" she said looking down at her hands tears starting to form on the corner of her eyes "I should have been the one sick, not you."

"If I pray hard enough you'll be out of this right?" She said holding back her sob her face slightly turning pink along with her eyes, that's when she hears a knock at front door of the house she quickly wipes her tears away as she quickly walks towards the main entrance "that must be the doctor I'll be right back okay Muzan?" She says softly turning around to the said male smiling at his direction.

She soon opens the main entrance door stepping aside to let the male in "hello doctor thank you for coming!" She said in a fake cheerful voice hoping that today's results will be different from last week's. As the male makes his way in "well hello to you too (L/n)!" The male said back in a cheerful voice he quickly walks in to go towards the room her best friend is in you quickly following behind.

The doctor soon puts his belongings down and sits down besides the sleeping male taking out an odd looking container as his smile widens. "(L/n) this is what's going to save him from his own death, this is the purest cure I could find this is what I call God's work! Something so rare that no other doctor has this is demon blood!" He said making Muzan groan in his sleeping form turning towards your way as your eyes widen from shock.

"This is a joke correct?" You say as your heartbeat quickened and palms become sweaty 'is this something good, or bad? Should I allow this to happen and save him or should I let him...no.' "Will it really?" You say as you gave the doctor a look of inscurity "Wake him up and watch a miracle happen (L/n)" You quickly put a hand on Muzan's shoulder shaking him softly to wake up as the male soon opens his eyes first annoyed then soft as he sees you.

"(Y/n) you know you don't have to stay I don't have much time left, so please stop wasting your time with me." He says sitting up as he sees the doctor is sitting on his left side. "Ah doctor I'm guessing your here to tell me how much time I have left?" Muzan says bitterly clenching his hands on his sheets "actually it's gonna be a little different today!" "Huh what do you mean Muzan said feeling a bit uncomfortable from the way the doctor is reacting "he's saying he'll cure you Muzan" You said smiling at the male softly as he looked at you then at the doctor.

"Well" the doctor said giving Muzan the container as the male drunk it "how do you feel?" the doctor said as Muzan started screaming feeling as if his skin was burning and mind was about to explode "M-muzan" you whimpered feeling terrible for letting him drink the demons blood. In rage Muzan cut the doctors head off not realizing his actions before you scream "YOU KILLED HIM!?" You screamed scared that your own friend might even kill you.

"We're you in on this too?" Muzan said looking at you with rage "you said this would cure me but you look at me as if I was a monster?" You nod your head at the male "w-well you n-now k-k-kill me too?" You said as tears started falling from your eyes "no, I no longer feel sick but as in to kill you I would never. But since you allowed this to happen I only find it fair that you turn into a demon along with me."

"W-what why, I o-only wanted y-you to be cured!" M uzan then gives you an upset look not satisfied with your answer "(Y/n) What happened on being together forever don't tell me your backing out now?" You quickly shook your head "n-no I would never, i-im just scared" you said wiping your tears away as Muzan soon smiled at you "I'm guessing your gonna have to drink my blood then" he said scratching his skin open letting the blood drip before his would would heal "drink" he demanded as your hands trembled you brought his arm closer drinking the blood that spilled out.

You soon felt immense of pain as you held your head tightly you felt like screaming and crying as the pain worsened making you scream out loud. "AAAAHHHHH IT HURTS IT HURTS SO MUCH MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOOOPPP!!!" Muzan then embraced you tightly against himself "shhhh it will all stop just endure it" and as he finished speaking the pain soon stoped. "Ah I, I don't feel pain anymore I-I feel hungry acyually" you said touching your stomach feeling it rumble.

M uzan looked at the doctors belongings as he picked up a certain paper that caught his attention "this paper, it says that their a a blue spider lily that will make us endure the sun?" Muzan says questioningly he looks out the window seeing that it's still raining "I guess we have to leave but first, we have to eat first" he says calmly scaring you a bit but all of that is forgotten when you smell something mouth watering that you don't know how to explain it but makes you feel as if you haven't eaten in years.

"M-muzan do you smell that?" You say standing up walking towards the main entrance door " that smell it smells so delicious I'm becoming more starved the more I smell, I-I wanna eat it now!!" You soon start sprinting slamming the door open as you run towards the smell you find a young women under shelter she doesn't seem to notice you from a distance too busy trying to be dry. Your mind hesitates wondering if you should commit the crime of eating her aliv or not as your to busy thinking you don't notice Muzan standing behind you "let's eat her together that way you don't feel so bad."

You're moth starts watering your hunger starts to intensify"B-but" "shush forget about being a human we are demons now" Muzan dashed towards the female when she was about to look at him he slaughtered her into two the smell of her blood coming out sting as it finally makes you snap. You quickly start biting into her flesh as you start crunching on her bones leaving nothing left behind.

Muzan quickly finished before you seeing as he's covered in blood made an annoyed sound "(Y/n) let's quickly go back" he said after you finally finished eating the women. As you start walking by his side both of you not missing your bloody form.

"Hey by any chance did you eat the doctor?" You said looking at the male questionably "no and I rather not that man made me so mad I perfer watching his corpse get eaten by wild animals then myself" you quickly nod your head but another question pops up in your head "then how come you didn't eat me when you became a demon?" "I'm guessing i can control my hunger since I wasn't very hungry around you or the doctor at that moment." You stayed silent as you then held his hand.

"Hey Muzan, can I be with you forever? Since you know will live forever" you said side glancing him as the male slightly tightened his hold on you "yeah I don't mind being with you forever" he said the last part more to himself. You smiled to yourself as the thought of you and Muzan together made you feel slightly giddy.

But in the end you don't know if its a good feeling or not as you then start swinging both of your hands together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thousands of years pass as you then met him, Michikatsu a small boy who was training to be a samurai you met him once when you saw him setting outside of his house late in a cold night you approached him carefully as not to scare him. "Little boy why are you outside?" You said as you kneel down to his level as he looked at you in the eye "well I'm out here because, I was punished for talking to my little brother he said as he tried keeping himself warm you then rapped you haori around his small body. As he looks up to you surprised as you then picked him up Michikatsu unsure if he really wants to move away from your warmth or not.

"Lady you do know you can get sent to jail for kidnapping right?" He said as he didn't bother to leave your grip as you giggled to his response "well your not moving from my grip so I don't see why you would say that?" You said smiling sweetly towards him he just snuggled closer towards you as strangely enough you provided enough heat. "I font know why lady but you make me feel comfortable he said making you smile softly since that encounter you stopped seeing Muzan.

That was your first encounter with him as later on you would spend your days with Michikatsu he would talk to you all the time and bring you gifts. When he would do something that would please you he would as for his reward that was your affection. He wasn't even hurt when Yoriichi left just as long he can be with you and Yoriichi was angered he didn't feel anger emotions once but he was upset that a strange being like yourself managed to take his brothers attention away he swore he would kill you. Later years passed

"My father he, wants me to get engaged with a women I don't know and I don't want too." Michikatsu said laying his head on your lap as you played with his hair "Michi are you sure you want to disobey your father you have always worked hard to get his attention." You said as you stopped playing with his hair Michikatsu looked up at your eyes with hope as he spoke "let me be with you, I know you are not human but let me, let me be with you please."

He said as you started feeling guilty for making him want to be with you. "Michi-no" he interrupted you looking determined at you "it's my choice so please let me be with you (Y/n) I no longer care what my father thinks of me just as long as I'm with you." You felt happy, guilty, sadness and more as you didn't know how to respond.

Until you agreed "okay" was all you said as Michikatsu grabbed your hand and kissed it saying thank you. One year passesd as you were cooking in your house waiting for what is now your husband Michikatsu he was now a samurai and surprisingly you a demon are pregnant life became amazing as you agreed to be his wife Michikatsu treating you as if you were the queen of the world he eventually became a demon slayer you two later have three more kids as one day.

Muzan showed up "so this is were you've been" he said glaring at you with a hated look as you were put all your children. "Why are you here you responded quietly as to not wake up your children "isn't it obvious?" He said madly as he gripped your wrist and threw you out of the room "How unfucking believable you leave your only friend for a human being after I turned you into a demon.

At that moment your life flashed before your eyes as Muzan himself killed you. He at first loved you but soon turned mad when he found out you left him for a human he left the children alone as he left the house Michikatsu soon found your haori on the floor confused on why you weren't home as he heard a whimpering sound on his left he saw his oldest child holding the youngest closer towards themselves as they spoke "M-mommy she was killed" he said as he bursted out in tears.

Since then Michikatsu worked harder alongside his brother no longer feeling jealousy towards his brother as he swore to kill the one who killed you but little did he know his own little brother was part of it.

"Kill her my brother does not deserve to live with filth besides if you do I will spare you" Yoriichi said letting the demon go from death as he looked at the one in front of him with hatred do was already planning that he said as he quickly left.

(This lowkey feels kinda rushed if not then really)

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Lizzie!

Your application for Ginny Weasley has been accepted. She certainly has a lot to grapple with, both old and new. On top of the general ‘becoming an adult in the world’ things of one’s twenties! I do not envy her, though I do look forward to seeing her struggles and triumphs.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Lizzie, she/her

TIMEZONE: GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: The UK is currently in lockdown so I have a lot of free time. I am a part-time student but that is flexible so I know I have the time to dedicate to an rp. I do have health problems which sometimes take me out of commission but I normally can give advance warning for when this might happen and these episodes don’t last long.

ANYTHING ELSE: Suicide is a big trigger for me, as well as suffocation in any form. I’ve been in RPs since I was about 14 so I feel comfortable with the etiquette and what’s expected and I’m excited to find a new place to write and love.

 CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Ginevra “Ginny” Weasley.

BIRTHDATE: 11 August 1981

DEATHDATE: N/A

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Ginny identifies as a cis woman and is very comfortable in that identity and the associated she/her pronouns. Her sexuality is slightly more complicated; she identifies as bisexual, having come to the realisation through her teenage years. She’s never come out to anyone, but it’s not something she hides either. Her reasoning has always been that if people spend enough time with her then they’ll pick it up eventually. She’s always maintained that she would have realised her queerness earlier if it hadn’t been for her all encompassing crush on Harry which took up her first few years at Hogwarts. 

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

OCCUPATION: Reserve Chaser for the Holyhead Harpies. Not exactly where she wants to be, but she knows she needs to pay her dues and work her way up through the roster to make a name for herself as a Quidditch player.

FACECLAIM: Luca Hollestelle I think is probably the best fit

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

POSTBELLUM: 

Somewhat naively, which could be forgiven considering her age, Ginny had thought that once Voldemort was gone everything would be okay again. Of course, war is not so simple. Sometimes Ginny still feels like the war hasn’t ended because everything isn’t okay again. They lost Fred and the grief from that loss felt all-consuming for so long. They had struggled and fought and it still felt like they’d lost. People celebrated but Ginny just felt adrift. She hadn’t wanted to go back to Hogwarts, but she knew that it was important and so she returned. It felt like a living nightmare. No matter the work put into restoring the castle, Ginny saw bodies in every corner and when she came down for breakfast in the Great Hall she could still see the casualties laid out in rows. 

Quidditch became the best form of escape she had and she threw herself into it with a renewed passion, pushing herself as hard as she could. Quidditch has remained a form of therapy for her and it was a foregone conclusion that she followed it as a career after she finished Hogwarts. Years might have passed since the end of the war, but Ginny still relies on her job to get her out of bed each day and keep her a functioning member of society. 

She makes time each week to stop in on each of her family members, almost as if more time spent with them will fill the gap of never seeing Fred again. Of course she misses him still, and she thinks of her missing brother every day, but her life has found some sort of normality and wounds are beginning to heal. At least, they were until news of the Returned reached her. It feels like the unfairness of Fred’s death occurs again every time someone else comes back and it’s not him. Ginny can’t help but be angry; what cruel hand of fate would bring back Bellatrix Lestrange, who orchestrated so much misery, instead of reuniting a broken family?

PERSONALITY: 

Ginny is very good at hiding her sadness. Other emotions, not so much. Her mum has always told her that every anger and frustration is clear as day in her expression, even if Ginny manages to hold her tongue. Sadness, however, is easy to shut away to only be taken out in private. She knows she’s a strong person, she’s been through too much to not be, and that is the side of her she wants the world to see. She’d prefer to cover sadness with anger and quick wit, never letting anyone see into her heart unless she gives them permission. Of course, that means that she’s not the most emotionally intelligent and she struggles with the times when it’s important that she does share feelings that run deeper than sass and anger. Ginny is overly-combative and age hasn’t tempered that. She can still throw a mean bat-bogey hex but she can now follow it up with a mean right hook, and she’s more than likely to. She’s fiercely protective of her friends and family, and there’s a softness that she can express for certain people. At heart, she is a kind person, but she’s scared of letting too many people see that. 

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

The Weasley family is a family full of love. Of course there are flaws and arguments, just like any family, but there was no point in her childhood where Ginny ever doubted how much her family loved her and how much she loved them in return. They didn’t have a lot of money and there were many points during her childhood and particularly her teenagerdom where Ginny resented that, but she didn’t blame her parents. She was only thirteen when Voldemort returned, and that changed so many things so very quickly. Money and normal family squabbles just didn’t seem important any more, and the strongest value that Ginny picked up from her family was that it was important to fight for what she believed in. No matter what happened in the rest of the war, Ginny clung onto that ideal and it is the core of her personality.

HISTORY: 

Ginny has very few memories of a life not touched by Voldemort. Of course her early childhood was free of that fear, and she remembers playing Quidditch in the garden with her brothers and begging to go to Hogwarts with them every year. Those memories are not nearly as clear and sharp as her years at Hogwarts, and none are as clear as her second year. Her first year, despite being traumatic, is almost entirely lost to her having spent so much of it under the Diary’s spell. Her second year is unfailingly vivid, no matter how much she wishes it wasn’t. There were the nightmares, the creeping feeling like a cold hand on her spine that she would hear his voice in her head again. Then there were the looks of the other students. Ginny might not have been in control of herself when those terrible things happened, but she felt responsible and she felt the judgement in the stares of her peers. Ginny felt very lonely that whole year, but it was because of this feeling of ostracisation that she developed such a sense of confidence. 

She did her best to grow above the judgement of others and not to care what people thought or said and as a result her confidence blossomed. It was her confidence and her strong sense of justice which made her fast friends with those willing to give her a chance and by the end of her third year she felt as though the horrors of her experience with Voldemort could finally be put behind her and she would be able to have a normal teenagerhood. 

His return certainly put a halt to those ideas, but she still managed to be a normal teenage girl in between the difficulties of living in a world at war. Ginny’s skill as a witch and as a Quidditch player were only encouraged by the certainty of the times they were living in, and her ferocious commitment to justice went hand in hand with the desire to fight in the war rushing towards them all. She still hasn’t talked much with her family about what happened in the year that Snape and the Carrows took over Hogwarts, the only people she’s comfortable discussing it with being Neville and Luna because they were there for it. Part of her feels like she didn’t do enough to help Harry, and a large part of her feels guilty for having to leave Neville on his own after Easter. Regardless, everything that happened that year feels very much overshadowed by the terrible tragedy of the Battle itself, and her experiences really don’t seem that important.

OOC EXPLORATION:

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? One of my friends linked me to this rp and I was instantly fascinated. I feel like there have been so many HP rps that there are very few fresh ideas left and this plot just hooked me immediately. I love all the new dynamics that it opens up and honestly it just seems like an exciting place to write.

ANYTHING ELSE? So I have a pinterest board for Ginny here. Then I had ideas and feelings about the whole Harry/Ginny thing but I didn’t know where it best fit into the app so it’s here, sorry!

The Harry problem. When he left to do the good, right, and noble thing, Ginny expected that when he came back they would pick up where they left off, maybe he even expected the same thing. War changes people though, and she knew that the person he came back to was not the same person she had been when he had left. The Battle only further compounded that issue. He was her first love, and she knows that he will always mean a lot to her but it felt as though the world collapsed when the war ended and romance just wasn’t her priority. Of course she adores Harry, and his friendship means the world to her, but that spark she used to feel just never came back. 

[goofygoldengirl]

Ok Since I’m Now On A Roll Let’s Talk About The Ambiguity of Gabriel Agreste’s Questionable Romantic Displays Of Affection

So you might be asking, Goofy why the heck is there a subplot in my Y7 show about a single woman falling in love with an evil married man and who would do anything, including sacrifice her life for him? And why hasn’t this sadistic evil bastard taken a stance and flat out rejected her like a good married man should? Why are we, the audience, subjected to a multitude of scenes of borderline adulterous content, while the somewhat dead wife in the basement only gets a five second blurb?

Fear not, I have an explanation and it’s not “if this were an adult show, Gabriel and Nathalie would be already knocking boots because tropes” Firstly, let’s look at this sad, strange, little man.

Gabriel “you’ve had enough emotions go to your room” Agreste has trouble emoting. If this was a dude whose go-to for solving any problems was repressing his emotions until the breaking point, then Emilie’s coma-death made him go haywire man. I mean, this is a dude who picked up being a super villain as a coping mechanism for his wife’s illness. He has major anger management issues, and any emotion that isn’t that is coldness that makes you want to grab a sweater every time he walks in the room. Perhaps in the happier past, he might have been more emotionally open and stable, but isolating his only son from having any kind of social life for a good part of his life, suggests the contrary. And guess what he’s also lacking due to not being able to express his emotions in a healthy way? The joys of human contact and affection! Yes! Gabriel Agreste is touch starved. The scene from Jackaddy/Simon Says where Gabriel hugs Adrien was meant to be laughably awkward on purpose. His inability to keep his hands off of his secretary has a deeper meaning. If anything goes, then it’s safe to assume that unfortunately like how it is with most men who do not have deep friendships who constantly use their wives as a therapist, Emilie Agreste is probably his only source of emotional solace. Because duh, when shit hits the fan, you’re not gonna complain to your son are ya? And considering the distance between him and Adrien, he’s probably of that rich money belief that children should be seen, not heard, and definitely not emotionally coddled, or that he just cannot relate to people in general who aren’t his wife. Or Nathalie. Which brings us to the next point:

Does Gabriel love Emilie? The show has told us yes. He’s married to her. He’s trying to bring her back while falling deeper into the rabbit hole of chaotic villainy. But does it tell us what the dynamic between the two was like?

NOPE.

For all we know, Emilie could have been a saint. She would have been his inspiration, his muse for every design he ever created, he probably would have worshipped the ground she walked on, and every wish was her command. By god she was his queen, and no one messes with the queen. With that level of devotion and tangible passion, it sends every couple from all the romance movies you like to cry to at three am in the morning running. Or she could have been a nightmare where every single topic of discussion was an arguing point, a divorce was threatened at least once a year, but man the eventual makeup and that brief tiding over of bliss was so fiesty and raw that there was no way in hell that they’d actually go through with it. Or maybe even, their relationship was painfully normal. A married couple with ups and downs that is exacerbated by Gabriel’s poor emotional regulation and expression. So these possibilities tell us that either:

A) Gabriel is just a man who really loves his wife, has no emotional support, and is trying to get by however he can, but has no clue his secretary is hitting on him and thinks she’s just being really supportive, or is too caught up in grief to notice it. 

B) Gabriel is just a man who really loves his wife, has no emotional support, knows his secretary is hitting on him, but has no idea how to set boundaries because who else would he confide in? 

C) Gabriel is just a man who really loves his wife, no emotional support, knows his secretary is hitting on him, and is this close to having a breakdown because he loves his wife, but Nathalie has taken up that wife role and it’s tearing him apart Emilie! 

D) Gabriel is just a man who really loves his wife, has no emotional support, but just majorly fails in his relationship with Emilie. Lack of emotional regulation leads him to seek affection elsewhere, and boom! Gabriel not pushing away Nathalie’s every touch and embrace makes so much more sense. Also if you count the crack theory of Emilie’s twin sister he’s definitely Felix’s dad It’s the age old excuse of I’m a man and I’m definitely gonna cheat, but I’ll still feel guilty about it which maybe makes my quest to bring back my wife much more epic

In conclusion: Gabriel has the emotional range of a teaspoon, his interactions with both Emilie and Nathalie are questionable for a reason, and we won’t know for sure to what extent his love runs until we find out more about our dead wife in the basement disappeared mom

This character analysis was brought to you by a meatlover’s pizza, coca cola, and cinnamon monkey bread. Now ima go trick or treat! 

[kritomiesterbanta]

When You’re Ready? Part 2

First, I want to thank everyone for reading my first Fan Fiction and for all the feedback. With so many people asking for a Part Two I felt inspired and wrote it super quickly, so hopefully you all enjoy!

ABOUT: Part Two of When You’re Ready? And what happens to Reader after learning that Shawn has moved on

WORD COUNT: 1,962

WARNINGS: None, maybe a little angst

PART ONE HERE: https://kritomiesterbanta.tumblr.com/post/185683268490/when-youre-ready

----------------------------------------

You didn’t know how, but somehow during the middle of the night, and despite the constant flow of tears you had managed to fall asleep. Sitting up you could see your tear stained pillow, thankful that before you had climbed into bed you had seemingly already cried off all of your make-up, so at least you didn’t have to worry about that. Not that it really mattered, what was a make-up stained pillow when your heart felt like it was broken and ripped in two?

You shouldn’t have gone to that stupid party, and you definitely shouldn’t have drank as much as you had. Even more, why in the world had you let yourself open up and talk to Shawn like that? While you were glad that your feelings were out there, you hated that you had let yourself open up and get so vulnerable. It didn’t help that now that you were more level headed you could see how unfair it was of you to come at Shawn like that.

He had done exactly what you had asked. He had listened when you had told him not to wait. You hadn’t wanted him too, especially since you had been so sure that you would never be ready. As much as you had loved Shawn, and sadly still did, you just hadn’t seen a way to make it work. You were a busy college student, and he was a busy musician and performer traveling the world. From what you had seen and heard his girlfriend was traveling with him. Where Shawn went, she went, and that was so much more than you could offer.

You had tried so hard not to be selfish, but clearly last night your true feelings had shown through. You loved Shawn, you just wished that you had realized how much before he had found someone else.. Before he had fallen in love with someone else.

Those words, they still rang through your brain. While he had every right to move on and be happy with someone else, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear that he loved someone else, someone that wasn’t you.

Needing to wash and erase those thoughts from your memory you pulled yourself up out of bed, despite the fact that every part of you just wanted to lay back down, cover yourself up in your comforter and cry some more. While you were sure that more tears would fall, at least you weren’t going to act as pathetic as you felt. You had told Shawn that you both needed to move on and that was what you were going to do.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t particularly know how you were going to move on, but you knew you had to try. One thing was certain, as you made your way to the bathroom and noticed Shawn’s jacket slung over the back of your desk chair, you needed to get rid of it, or at least hide it from view. Honestly, it was taking everything in you not to rush over and slip back into it once more. You knew that you couldn’t, especially since just looking at it as you passed by reminded you of his smell, and that was dangerous.

The more you thought about it, the harder you realized this was going to be. How could you move on and forget about the way you felt when so much reminded you of him. Hell, this was the same apartment he’d come and visit you at. The same apartment where you sat cuddled on the couch watching Harry Potter and eating popcorn, which usually turned into a popcorn, or worse, a tickle fight. He knew you hated being tickled, yet somehow it was never so bad when he did it. Yes, he had known all your most ticklish spots, yet somehow it was also so cute, fun, and endearing when it was Shawn doing the tickling. He was still the only person that you’d let get away with that, or at least he had been.

Letting out a loud frustrated sigh you finally made your way into the bathroom, however, your mood certainly wasn’t changed as you looked at yourself in the mirror. While last night you had been proud of your look with your flawlessly applied make-up and perfectly curled hair, now all you could see were your red puffy eyes and the rats nest that had made itself home on top of your head. Reaching for your brush you began to work on your hair, with plans to hop into the shower next when you heard a few loud knocks on your front door.

With your phone next to your bed on your nightstand you weren’t sure what time it was, especially since you easily could have slept in due to how late you were up crying, but for all you knew it could still be pretty early. Part of you was considering going over and grabbing your phone, especially since you knew your best friend had been texting you last night, and honestly was probably the person at the door. You knew you had them worried, but you had told them that you just needed to be alone and had put it on silent for the night.

Hearing a few more loud knocks you set your brush down before moving to answer. You got that your friend was probably worried. Hell, you would be worried too, which is why as you answered the door you expected it to be her, but instead there was Shawn.

“Shawn” you exclaimed, mouth dropping open which accompanied your wide, surprised eyes. Maybe it was somewhat best that you were shocked by his presence, since at least you weren’t thinking or concentrating on the fact that you had just seen what you looked like.

“(Y/N)” he started as he took a step towards you. “We need to talk”

If you were in your right mind you probably would have told him that you had talked last night and that there was nothing further to talk about, but truthfully you were still in shock, which is why your body seemed to instinctively move back so he could come inside.

Shawn taking the opportunity moved inside and shut the door behind him. “(Y/N), I love you, and I just can’t do it. I want you. I choose you,” he passionately declared with little to no hesitation.

You knew those words were supposed to make you happy, and while it did make you feel a certain way, your heart and your brain just couldn’t forget the conversation that had been had the night before. Yes, he had told you that he loved you even then, but he had also told you that he loved his girlfriend too. “What about your girlfriend?” you softly asked, not sure what you wanted his answer to be here. “It’s over. I ended it,” he assured you, and once again, while you wanted to be happy about this, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness and understanding as to what she had to be feeling right now. You knew exactly what it was like to lose Shawn, and it was truly one of the most painful feelings ever. “I know how this must look and sound, but really it wasn’t fair to her. I couldn’t be with someone when I’m in love with someone else. What I feel for you (Y/N), it’s indescribable,” he continued, obviously still able to read you like a book.

“Shawn..” you began before lightly biting down on the corner of your bottom lip as you looked at him. This was everything you could have asked for and wanted, but why did you feel so damn guilty?

“You were right last night. I lied, but not just to you, but to myself and everyone else,” he began once more as he closed off the distance between the two of you as he reached for your hands, and instead of pulling away like you had last night you let him. “You had told me to move on, and I thought that I had, but the truth is, you are the only woman I have ever truly loved, and the only woman I want to be with. It’s you (Y/N), you’re it. You’ll always be it. Last night when you walked away and told me to move on I realized that while I thought that I had, I hadn’t and I never can.”

While your eyes had been glued down towards your linked hands, the more he spoke and the more he confessed you couldn’t help but look up at him, even if you could feel the tears once again stinging the back of your eyes. This time though they were a different kind of tears. “I’m sorry Shawn,” you quickly apologized as you dropped his hands, and while you could tell he was worried for a second all of that melted as you moved to wrap your hands around his middle as his own strong arms moved to hold you. “If it weren’t for me we wouldn’t have had to go though any of this. I should have known. I should have known that I couldn’t be without you,” you cried, a few tears finally falling.

“It’s okay,” he assured you as he ran a comforting hand up and down your back.

“But it’s not,” you disagreed as you buried your head into his chest for a moment, taking in his smell, and really, everything about this moment. “We lost so much time, and these past few months without you have been some of the worst in my entire life,” you admitted, since while you had felt like you were doing what was best, it had become painfully obvious that a huge piece of you had gone missing without Shawn in your life.

“I know, and I hated it too, but it’s okay. We have each other now, right?” he asked as his hand stopped moving on your back as he instead reached down to lift your chin in order to make you look up at him.

“Yes,” you smiled as you looked up at his pleading face. You knew he just gave up so much, and while you believed that he would do it all over again no matter the way this turned out, you wanted to assure him that he had made the right choice. “I’m ready Shawn. I want it all. I want everything with you, and I’m so so sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

With what you could only assume was him accepting your apology his lips moved down to press against your own, in a kiss that was so much better than the one you remember from before. “I love you (Y/N), and I don’t care how long it took. I’d wait for forever if that’s how long it took,” he assured you as he rested his forehead against your own, and while maybe one could disagree with that after everything that had happened last night you didn’t even care. He was here, and while part of you felt so insanely selfish, you once again just didn’t have it in you to care.

“Well no more waiting. I’m yours” you assured him as you moved to press your lips against his in an effort to show him just how much you meant each and every word of it. While you wished that you had figured this all out earlier, and wished that you could have saved everyone from the heartache that this caused, you were happy with the way that things were now and you planned on showing him just how happy you really were.

[unabashedrebel]

RP Snippits

{Below is a piece written alongside @dae-shadowvale ft. @simplysoriya . Sometimes i like to torture my characters a little too much. So yeah, uh, this happened. It’s pretty long, you’ve been warned.}

A soft smile graced his lips as she saved him from himself, and that fear of saying something dumb just when things were getting emotional. "I've been doing some side work. But basically until I decide to go to therapy I'm off active duty. They've been taking it sort of easy on me since I was a POW." Though before Kirollis could expand on just how much he hated therapy, the fishing line began to stir. It started at the tip at first, gentle jerks and pulls that went unnoticed. But in the midst of their conversation the thin piece of wood bent completely into a curve as something snagged on the line. 

 "Oh shit! I think I got something!" He exclaimed.

Dae felt her chest involuntarily tighten at the mention of Kiro’s imprisonment, and while she did what she could to keep that mental flinch from broadcasting itself through her expression, there was likely a lingering flash of sadness in her gaze as she listened to his response. Yes, there was the obvious reminder of the toll that time had taken on herself - all the hopeful glances toward the cafe door every time she heard that bell ring, only to feel her heart sink over and over again - all the nights of falling asleep with her comm in her hand, hopeful that she would hear his voice break through the radio silence, and terrified to hear someone else’s - the emotional torture she put herself through in those weaker moments, wondering if he’d just... left. Now? Thinking back to that period of time, knowing what he had gone through, it made her feel guilty. The fact that he’d waited so long to at least let her know he was alive was still a very sore spot for her, and there was still a lot of emotional ruin to wade through, but there would always be space in her heart for the snarky rogue and his daughter. She wanted to ask him how things had been going with therapy, if he felt like it was helping, if he’d be returning to active duty when he was able, but as fate would have it, none of those questions would make the journey from her thoughts to his ears. 

Her eyes widened at his exclamation and she glanced quickly to the place where his fishing line disappeared beneath the water’s surface in a seamless shift into excitement. “What are you waiting for?!” She took one final pull from her bottle, emptying its contents, and leaned forward to peer down into the water. “Reel it in!”

Kirollis gripped tightly on the fishing rod as tremors rocked through the thin wooden frame. Whatever was on the other end of the line was big, and angry, at the rogues resistance. Not entirely lacking in the physical department, either, Kirollis looked like he was struggling to keep up. His feet planted with their heels dug in, only to find nowhere to get a good footing on the wooden and worn planks of the Booty Bay docks.  His knuckles creeping into a feint white coloring as he vigorously pulled with both hands on the handle. It was as if he was completely oblivious to the dancers advice. Sufficiently stunned by the monster that lurked under the docks, snared by his hook. But eventually he did turn to her adding a sarcastic, "Ooooooooh." With a smirk. "By all means, you're more then welcome to help." The rogues voice strained and rough, coming in a guttural tone from the throat. But once he was situated, and the fish offered a brief repose, Kirollis took the opportunity to just that. Carefully leaving the tension of the rod to one hand as the other didn't stray too far to the metal reel line. Painstakingly cranking the lever in a vain attempt to land his prize. All it managed to do was tick every other second as the rod looked increasingly stressed by the rogues efforts. By this point Kirollis had slowly been dragged, unnoticeable by how small the increments, until the tips of his toes hung off the edge of the dock. Curling and clinging to the planks, even if it was likely more for personal comfort then actual strategy.

"It's all in the hips!" A voice echoed from the far beach as Soriya seemed to have taken an active role in watching it all unfold. While she was too far away for expressions to be read, it was a fair assumption to either of them that she wore a shit eating grin at her fathers troubles with a fish. 

"Okaythisisn'tworking." Kirollis grunted out quickly to himself. Though determination still sat strong on his features. One finally jerk from the rod was all it took to deflate every ounce of confidence he had. Unceremoniously loosing his balance, one leg jutted out awkwardly as if to purchase some. Though even that proved to do little as another shift from the rod tipped him right over the edge and sent him plummeting to the waters below.

The whole scene unfolded in slow motion for Daelynn, which only served to enhance the hilarity of its outcome. One second, Kiro was beside her on the dock, heels dug in firmly as he strained against the pull on his line. The next, he'd disappeared in a woooosh of air, tumbling head-first into the water, and leaving her somewhat perplexed for a second or two. At first, the dancer rose to her feet - an instinctive reflex of concern for the rogue's well-being - but that reflex was fleeting, at best, and she was quickly overcome with laughter. It poured out of her with the ease of water rushing over the falls; unbridled, jovial, breath-catching laughter that had her clutching her stomach as she sunk to her knees, tears collecting at the outer corners of her vision. There was nothing malicious about her reaction, even as she struggled to find her voice amidst each strained gasp of air, and though the simple fact that watching someone take such an impromptu swim was funny in its own right, there was one glaringly comedic addition to this situation in particular; something that clearly hadn't gone unnoticed by the brunette he'd left behind on the dock. 

Kirollis Duskhaven - slayer of men, master of blades, expert of sneak - bested by a fish. 

It was true that Kirollis was a lot of things. That he had a long history of being the capable sort. From assassinating Generals without so much as an alarm, to running smuggling rings that spanned across the Eastern Kingdoms and beyond, to a competent spy, and so many other accomplishments. Not a single one of them mattered as Kirollis plunged face forward from the docks down into the crystal clear water below. What would have normally been easy to see was obscured by the milky froth and unsettled water as bubbles raced to the surface following his decent beneath the waves. Angry flailing and churning from beneath that was so violent one could swear they heard curses bubbling up to the surface. 

As was above, was to below. While Soriya was busy lounging on her surfboard with her face down. Soaking in the sun and enjoying the day. While she always made it look graceful and effortless, the ocean and the tide had a way of tiring out the body more then most would expect. That amount of control and poise, and maintained at such a level? She was wiped out, and made no efforts to hide it.That was until she heard the telltale sign of weight crashing into water with a bassy PLOOOOP. Instantly her head periscoped, flicking her attention toward the sound. While her facial expression would be near impossible to tell from a distance, the look of confusion sat on her features. Swiftly she tried to make sense of it all as she looked over the disturbed water. Then up to the rapturous sounds of laughter. Tilting her gaze up to find Daelynn, and only Daelynn   standing on the stilted docks, leaning over the side as the music of her uncontainable laughter said it all. 

It took only a moment for Soriya to understand what happened. And even less time for her to join in to the chorus of cracking up, so loud that it could be heard in tandem with Dae's own on the dock. Uncontrollable and consistent, those jovial expressions tumbled out of her as if she had little choice in the matter. Gripping on the sides of her board tightly as the young monk doubled over, laying her face down flat on the board as she continued. Before long Soriya rolled right off and into the water- Though unlike her father, she at least seemed to do it intentionally. As if the scene before her was too much for her to take, and she relented to immerse herself beneath the waves in a vain attempt to save her father a little face. 

Before long, Kirollis himself surfaced. Lacking the fishing rod that had proven to be his bane, lost and gone to the tides- and the one creature that did manage to best him-.... a fish. Sputtering out water with aggressive and loud raspberries from his mouth, both hands would come up to clear his eyes. Tipping his head up to look at the dancer, who was Still laughing at his pain. Of course he had to say something. "Yeah, sure. Laugh it up. Real nice. What if I couldn't swim? Would you have jumped in after me?" He teased in mock aggravation.... and perhaps a little embarrassment. 

“Ohhhh c’mon!” Daelynn retorted, still unable to keep the grin from her face... and still struggling to regain her breath from the sudden, and powerful, outburst of laughter. “You would be laughing just as hard if I was the one taking a dunk and you were standing up here, nice and dry,” she lifted a hand to wipe a stray tear on its way down her cheek with the back of a knuckle, “And you know it.” Kneeling down at the edge of the dock, Dae lowered her voice some, speaking in earnest while the corners of her mouth continued to curl themselves upwards. “If it makes you feel any better, I promise to keep this little incident to myself- outside of teasing you about it for the foreseeable future, of course. Though, I can’t speak for all witnesses...” Her gaze lifted from the sputtering rogue as he continued to tread water, focusing briefly on the mostly-submerged brunette floating out in the distance, and lifted her hand to wave - an acknowledgment of their shared laughter, and also to notify the woman that her father wasn’t in any immediate danger. She returned her attention to Kirollis himself, smirking as she braced herself against the dock with one hand, and extended the opposite arm as far as she could. “Let’s get you out of there before you melt, or something,” she teased, tossing a wink down to him.

"I mean I-.." Kirollis held up a finger in protest. Yet after a moment all it did was curl down, deflated, much like the rogue himself as his jaw hung agape. The logic bomb Daelynn had dropped on him critically hitting, and it showed. In a brief and resilient rebuttal he managed to mutter out, "Well, but I would have at least tried to hide it." Breaking into a chuckle soon after. If there was anything he knew how to do, and do well, it was laugh at himself. The gesture dispelling any notion of hard feelings over the hilarious happenings on the Booty Bay docks. 

"Ohhhh no." Dae shook her head, vehemently. "Nonono. How many times have you sprung from the shadows with the sole purpose of scaring me half to death?" She didn't give him even a second to respond before jumping right back into it. "AND out of all those times, how often did you ever attempt to hide your amusement?" Again, she left no room for a rebuttal. "I'll tell you how many."  She held up a hand, fingertips curling around to meet the end of her thumb, forming an obvious 'O'. "None. Exactly zero. So enough of this 'woe is me' act... you big baby." The tone she used was teasing in nature, peppered here and there with a chuckle, but there was no denying the accuracy of her response, and the look on her face was irrefutable proof that she knew she had him at a stalemate on the matter.

By the time a pause marred the pairs playful jabs Soriya had made her way over to make it a trio. Of course she had to laugh at her fathers pain as well chiming in the midst of her paddle, "Dad! Come on, we went over this, you can't just jump in and try and stab them." The monk chirped out with a voice full of giggles. Repositioning to sit up on her board near where her father recovered from his plunge, letting her legs lazily dangle off the flanks and into the water.

"Oh come on." Kirollis protested to the unforgiving crowd, his arms outstretched in an expression that matched his words. Knowing full well that he had, on several occasions, taken great joy in scaring both women- much to their respective disdain. She had him, he knew it, his daughter knew it, and most importantly Daelynn knew it. Turning to Soriya in a bid for some relief, he found no such thing.

Instead the brunette scrunched her youthful features toward their center. Casually shrugging to her fathers desperate plea. With small and rapid nods of her head, the look she gave him in reply all but said You're on your own. Reaffirming the floating mistweaver added, "I'm pretty sure you laugh all the time. You think your slick. But we see it, clearly." Soriya motioned between herself and the dock bound Daelynn.

It didn't take long for Soriya to snap her attention over to Daelynn, happily raising up her hand in a wave before excitedly shouting up, "Hey Dae!" in greeting. "Literally the two of us here and he still gets himself into trouble. Did we really even want him back?" She joked. Blissfully unaware of how her words might hit the dancer. Too caught up in the joy of the moment and the fact that this was one of the rare times the three of them were all together. Not to mention the overwhelming fact that her dad had just been bested by what she could only imagine was a tuna.Shifting to her father once more Soriya asked, "You okay, pop?" She asked with concern. 

Kirollis for his part had done his best to roll with the punches. But as always he was dramatic about it, sporting an overly animated pout as his arms crossed over his chest. A sarcastic chuckle escaping him after it was all said and done, "Yeah, sure, you know just my ego is a little bruised. But sure. I'm okay." Of course he wasn't angry, but far be it from him to not ham it up. "You two gonna gang up on me now? Is this like a thing?" He lamented as a hand unfurled from its counterpart and motioned between the two women.  A tired sigh escaped him as he shook his head. Defeated and deflated. "Alright. I relent to my watery fate." He resigned to a surrender, with his hands hoisted near his ears in a carefree manner. Though he did chuckle a little at his own expense when it was all said and done.

"It's good to see you, Sori," Dae turned her attention to the monk, flashing a vibrant smile before her expression shifted into one of feigned grief, "though, it's a shame it had to be under such tragic circumstances..." An exaggerated frown followed, aimed at the drowned rogue, and while Sori's off-the-cuff remark did strike a little close to the chest, Dae managed to keep that pang of emotional discomfort from rising to the surface. "You should stop by the cafe before you leave the Cape - I'll send you off with a box of goodies for the kids."

"I could go for some lunch." Soriya chimed in a little too quickly after Dae had offered. Showing a little more excitement that two of her favorite people were in the same location. Not a thought given to over imposing on the kindness. "Why don't we meet you there in a little bit?" 

Thirty minutes later...

Soriya walked through the door first. A mess of jovial giggles and her cheeks bright red. That smile she loved to wear pulled to its limits, even showing a rare display of dimples in the process. Her hair still wet from the ocean and attire that suggested she was going right back out, only having put a t-shirt and flip flops from the previous bikini. Though once those teal eyes found Daelynn in the Cafe, her arms came to the front door as to present, "So dad totally bought my silence."

In walked an exhausted, yet dry, Kirollis. But quite noticeably the rogue wore a bright pink t-shirt that looked just a tad too tight- 'Badazzled' written across the front in an arc in rhinestones.  Of course it was. Complete with a pair of shorts and a damp burlap bag in hand. "Dear diary; worst day ever."

[angstytieflingbard]

Platonic THB x Child!Reader Angst

Request: “hi! thb anon here - loved the finale you wrote!!! if it isn’t too much to ask, could i request a lil thb x child!reader angst??? like the boys are out on a mission and reader somehow gets involved and/or hurt?? im in the mood for some angst and you’re one of the best writers out here lol - much love!!! ♥️♥️♥️”

Summary: You’d only wanted to help. But when the mission went south, you ended up getting hurt. Worse, even after you’ve healed your friends still treat you like glass. 

Warnings: Some Angst, implied canon-typical violence

A/N: I don’t know about you guys, but I always assumed that the boys had other missions in between the main arcs of the story. Obviously the Bureau was focused on the Grand Relics, but I also think that when particularly destructive cults or artifacts popped up, the Bureau was more than happy to send Regulators/Reclaimers to fix it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! This ended up being a bit of a hurt/comfort by the end, so I’m sorry if this wasn’t what you were hoping for. Shoot me an ask, tell me what you think, or if you want me to write something else, and remember I’m always around to talk! 

~~~

The mission had been going so well at first. 

You’d finally managed to convince Taako, Magnus and Merle to let you go along with them for once. It was supposed to be simple, retrieve the artifact that had drawn the concern of the Bureau, and return with (hopefully) no casualties or significant property damage. Of course, that wasn’t how the boys operated, and despite having retrieved the artifact with almost no issue, that record just couldn’t last all the way back. 

You didn’t remember much of the fight. Between the adrenaline making your heart pound and your blood rush in your ears, and your shaking hands as you drew back the string of your bow, everything seemed somewhat hazy after the fact. What you did remember, however, was when Taako ran out of spells, backing up with a curse as a few cultists closed in on him. You remembered dropping your bow and dashing forward, sliding in between Taako and the hooded figures just as one of them tried to bring their sword down on your friend. 

You woke up in the medbay of the Bureau of Balance, hazy and confused. The healers explained what happened to you, how you’d gotten injured on a mission with the reclaimers, as they called the boys. It only took you two weeks to heal, but you were put on double that time of involuntary medical leave. You had the suspicion it was at the behest of the boys, though you hadn’t actually seen them at all in the time you’d been healing. In fact, they were suspiciously absent, supposedly not on a mission but very pointedly not in any area you were in. 

It was at the end of your third week of leave that you finally managed to track one of them down. 

“Taako!” You called out, the gradually saddening expression you’d been wearing since you’d woken up in the medbay three weeks ago disappearing at the sight of your friend. Taako, on the other hand, winced as soon as his eyes met yours, though he didn’t make any escape attempt as you approached him. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks. Where’ve you been? Angus said you were around this whole time, but…” You trailed off. Taako didn’t respond for a minute, glancing around almost guiltily. 

“...Sorry, kiddo.” He said, finally. You blinked, used to his normally playful, ribbing tone. You weren’t sure you liked this new development, if you were honest. “I’ve just been… Busy.” He added a moment later. 

“Oh. Are you okay? You seem down.” You ask hesitantly. You had a sinking feeling in your gut, the physical manifestation of your suspicions. You already knew what was wrong. 

“It’s nothing, kid.” He paused at your disapproving frown, and sighed. “Okay, okay, kid. It’s just… It was my fault you got hurt. All our faults, really, but mine in particular. Just figured it was best I wasn’t hanging around to keep being a bad influence, or whatever.” He finished somewhat lamely. Your frown twisted even more until it was a near grimace. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I chose to do what I did.” You said through gritted teeth. He looked ready to argue, but you turned on your heel, walking swiftly away from him with your head down, not wanting to show the hurt look on your face. 

They thought you were made of glass. Or at least, they were treating you like it. You didn’t know where Magnus or Merle were, but you knew they wouldn’t see what happened any differently than Taako did. Hell, Magnus might have taken it worse, knowing how hard he can be on himself. It was better for now if you just rode out the rest of your leave in the comfort of your own room, you decided. You needed to be alone. 

~~

“(Y/N)?” Angus stepped into your room, shutting the door softly behind him. You’d been gone for the better part of the day now, and based on the even more dejected expression on Taako’s face, Angus knew something had happened. 

“Go away.” You mumbled from your place buried beneath a heap of pillows and blankets on your bed. 

“Nope. You need to talk about what happened. And before you tell me nothing’s up, I just saw Taako and he looks like someone told him spiced meat wasn’t his invention.” You found yourself giggling softly at the mental image despite yourself, and Angus grinned triumphantly as you sat up and faced him. He waited patiently for you to talk, patting your arm reassuringly. 

“They think I’m fragile. The boys, I mean.” You started. Angus nodded encouragingly. “They’ve been avoiding me ever since I woke up in the medbay, and when I finally managed to talk to one of them, they tell me that they’re off feeling guilty about me being hurt, acting like I’m too fragile to take a hit or something.” You pouted. 

“Well, to be fair, you did pass out.” Angus reminded you gently, and your pout started to twist into a scowl. 

“Yeah, well, you would too if you got hit by a sword at point blank. And they still let you go out and do things! I feel like I’ve been grounded or something, and they haven’t even talked to me.” 

“Maybe they’re worried you blame them too? And, you know…” Angus sighed. “The reason I don’t get treated like that is because by the time they met me, I was already a trained, at least semi-capable fighter, and a detective at that. I don’t think I ever really registered as a kid to them. But you didn’t start training to be a rogue until months after you came to the Bureau. And even then, they’ve still protected you and treated you like you were their own child.” You listened as he explained, anger and sadness starting to fade with every sentence. You’d never thought about it that way. 

“You’re probably not gonna get them to drop the overprotectiveness anytime soon, if ever. But maybe you should go talk to them? You’re still friends, regardless of what’s happened.” He suggested. You gave him a soft nod, smiling gratefully as you slid out of bed and started to head towards the door. 

“Thank you, Angus. I’m gonna go talk to them.” You told him, and he grinned, giving you a mock salute. 

“Tell me how it goes!” 

~~

You rode the elevator down to their suite in silence, taking a deep breath to calm the nerves building in your gut. The elevator came to a stop, and you stepped out into the suite’s living room. 

All three of them were hanging around, and you pointedly made eye contact with each of them in turn. They all looked away, varying levels of guilt on their faces. You sighed, deciding to start first. 

“I get that you guys are upset about what happened, but avoiding me didn’t help anything.” You began. “You guys are my friends, you’ve practically taken care of me the entire time I’ve been here. You’re not allowed to go off and sulk and ignore me just because you’re upset I got hurt. That’s shitty.” Magnus gasped at your language, and Taako and Merle chuckled in the background. 

“Hey, we’re sorry bud. These two were too busy wallowing to come see you.” Merle sniffed, faux arrogance in his tone.

“Hey, you didn’t go see them either. You don’t get to pretend you’re innocent here, old man.” Taako narrowed his eyes at Merle, and you found yourself laughing, the remaining tension in the room dissolving almost immediately. 

“We are sorry though, kid. You’re right, it was wrong of us to avoid you, and we should have known better.” Magnus told you seriously, and you smiled reassuringly at him. 

“It’s okay. Just as long as you don’t do it again. And, you know, don’t treat me like I’m made of paper or something.” You grinned and the man returned it, standing and swooping you into a hug. The other two joined quickly, and you groaned playfully. 

“You’re squishing me.” You complained. 

“Welcome to the family, kid. At least no one’s tried to chop your arm off yet.” Merle replied, and Magnus scoffed indignantly as the hug finally broke up. 

“I chopped your arm off one time! And it was to save your life!” 

“You didn’t even hesitate, you just lobbed it off without even a second thought!” You laughed along with Taako at the antics of your friends. Your family. 

Family was alright, you decided. The overprotectiveness might not have been what you imagined, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[emilightniing]

You Can Fix This (Part 5)

(I don’t know why I’m on a roll this week. I’m just... really excited about this story. Sorry if this chapter’s a little shorter, but it’s really picking up now, so expect a longer one next time!)

@schuyleryette @bitchwannatryme @fleecal @cryptidjourney

----------------------------------- 

“Oh, it’s you.”

You have to strain to see the Colonel sitting in the corner of the darkened room. Since things do seem to be transpiring exactly as they did before, you’ve decided you might as well play along for now. So here you are, once again, feeling just as awkward as you did last time. Less intimidated, though, which is ironic— after all, you didn’t know he’d killed Mark last time, and now you do.

But you also know it wasn’t his fault. Not really, anyway. Not entirely.

You’re more afraid of the possibility that he’ll be able to tell something’s off with you. Mark picked up on it so quickly; you’re sure William will notice it too.

He doesn’t seem any different, though. Nonchalant, flippant as always. As you approach him, you do your best to keep a light but compelling tone. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

He waves a hand dismissively. “No more than I’ve already been bothered.” Despite the shadows, you catch a hint of a wry smile. “I assume the detective sent you to get my alibi.”

“What makes you think that?” you ask, not confirming or denying.

“He doesn’t like me,” William answers matter-of-factly. “Can you imagine that?”

Half of you wants to smile; the other half is already starting to feel a tug of frustration. “Well, I don’t not like you. So no, I’m not going to ask you about an alibi.” Ha. You’ve surprised him. He frowns, trying to figure out what’s happening, and you continue: “I don’t really care if you have one or not. Even if you didn’t, I could— hypothetically— make it seem like you did.”

“Oh?” Now he’s interested; he leans forward in his chair a bit. “And why, hypothetically, would you do that?”

“I told you.” You struggle to match his level of irreverence. It’s proving to be a challenge. “I don’t dislike you. And if Abe has it out for you, whether you did it or not, he’s going to think you did.”

The Colonel laughs. “Funny. That’s what Damien said. So I’ll tell you what I told him: if I cared what they thought of me, I’d be out there, wouldn’t I?” He leans back, satisfied with himself. Too satisfied. Bordering on smug.

You close your eyes briefly. This is going to be harder than you expected; you’re thinking of just dropping all your cards right now. It’s always easier for you when the guilty party isn’t in denial, but of course he’s going to make this difficult. Up until now, it surprised you that anybody could make Damien lose his temper that quickly, but you’re starting to understand. “How can I get you to trust me?” you ask him, lowering your voice.

There’s a moment of silence as the two of you stare at each other. For a second, you think he might be letting down his guard a little, but it doesn’t last. He folds his arms definitively, signaling that the conversation is over. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The note of warning in his voice makes you decide not to push the matter any further.

“Fine.” You turn and exit the room, huffing in frustration. All right, so you won’t be getting a confession from the Colonel yet. Fair enough.  

You’re pretty sure you’re supposed to run into Benjamin at this point, but you recall that encounter not really leading anywhere… not that he’s not good company, but you’ve seen quite enough of the wine cellar. And you definitely don’t want to go into the kitchen; you’re on edge enough as it is.

You wonder briefly if you could just skip your half-assed investigation and go find Damien right now. But in a moment of curiosity, you decide to head back into the… you’re going to call it the murder room for now. Just to see what might happen. Maybe if nothing else, you can get a chance to talk to Abe a little more.

He's not there when you enter the room, though. Everything’s a little too quiet, eerily so. You feel as if the room itself is in another dimension-- which you suppose isn’t too farfetched a notion. Nobody’s coming in. You can’t hear anything from the rest of the house. 

And then you look over at Mark. 

Well, technically it’s Mark’s body, but you’re having trouble calling it that since it appears to be sitting up. And it— he— is looking at you with a wide-eyed stare, which just confirms your earlier feeling; he’s definitely mocking you. 

Several seconds pass as you debate whether to say anything; you doubt screaming will do any good. And you know you shouldn’t be surprised, but regardless of everything you’ve already seen, there’s no way this could not be jarring to you.

He stretches one arm, then the other, as he stands up somewhat shakily. Finally, he addresses you. “A little speechless there?”

You make an indignant sputtering noise. “Well— what the hell do you expect me to say?”

“I don’t know. A ‘hello, nice to see you’ might be nice.” He saunters over to the bar, finds a particularly reflective glass, and begins fixing his hair, of all things. You’re almost certain now he’s just trying to get a reaction from you.

Well, he’s not the only one with a knack for being irritating. “Oh please, I’m not that good of a liar.” 

The two of you exchange sour looks. It’s a draw.

“Well, you knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” he says at last. “You must have. I mean, you were there when my ‘body’ disappeared in that… other timeline.”

“Yes, but I didn’t actually see it happen. It’s one thing to hear about a corpse going missing; it’s another to actually see it stand up and start walking around!”

“I have a name, you know,” he says dryly, rolling his eyes. “So what do you plan to do about it?”

That’s not what you expected to hear. “Do?” You pause for a second, letting everything sink in. Then you sigh. “I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose.”

He grins. “Now there’s the spirit.”

“What can I do? You’re alive now. Sort of. I can’t very well let you die again, and I don’t think anybody else would believe me if I told them I saw you stand up and fix your hair before just walking out of the room.” Actually, now that you say it out loud, that’s exactly the kind of thing you’d believe about Mark.

As if reading your thoughts, he laughs. “No? Why shouldn’t they?”

You don’t answer, and you don’t laugh with him. You’re torn on what to do right now. True, nothing’s actually been happening differently so far, but are you really even trying? 

What would happen if you did reveal him to everyone else? For a second, you’re almost considering it, but then you glance back over in Mark’s direction.

He’s vanished.

————————————————————

It’s colder outside than you expected it to be. It’s mid-October, true, but the sun is so bright that you’d expect it to be a little warmer. The wind insists on blowing in your face, though; between that and the brightness, you find yourself squinting a little. 

Damien’s there, just as you knew he would be. He’s facing away from you, and due to the wind, he doesn’t hear you approach until you greet him. “Hey.”

He turns around, as if surprised someone would find him out here. “Oh, Y/N.” It’s hard to read his tone, but you detect a note of hesitancy in it, like he’s not sure if he wants you there. It was there last time, but it still stings a little. Especially now that you have all this knowledge that he deserves to know… but you still can’t tell him. Not yet.

Although you’re longing to because of the cold, you decide not to get too close. “How are you doing?” You wish you had a better question, a better answer for him, but that’s all you can really say right now. 

No response. He turns and looks out at the sky, the vast expanse of trees surrounding the house. It’s so quiet. Even the wind has died down. His arms rest on the railing, and you both wait in silence.

After what seems like ages, he motions for you to join him. Slowly, you do; you’re almost afraid to make any sudden movements for fear that it will be wrong somehow. And you want to be right, for once; you just want to do the right thing for someone.  You want to be enough. You hope your presence, your company, will be enough for now.

He breaks the silence, both startling and relieving you. “I’m sorry about earlier. What you saw, with the Colonel… I lost my temper and it wasn’t right.” He does look genuinely sorry, which twists at your heart. He shouldn’t be the one who’s sorry— not here, anyway, not now. Not for this.

“Don’t worry about that,” you tell him quietly. “You had every right to be upset.” He simply nods; you see from his eyes that he’s been crying. It’s killing you not to reach out and take his hand, but it’s not the right time or place. Rather than risk the temptation, you keep talking. “He was your friend. I mean, he was a friend to all of us, and it’s... it’s not fair.” 

You wince, remembering as you speak that those were the words Mark himself used. At least you think it was him. God, you don’t know anymore. And you know you’re certainly not helping. You know you should just go back inside, that Damien would be better off left alone right now rather than with you; even when you can manage to make a difference, all you ever seem to do is make things worse--

He’s hugging you. In an instant, he’s wrapped both arms around you tightly, locking you in a warm embrace. It takes a moment for you to process, but rather than questioning why, you wrap your arms around him in return, just letting it happen. 

When you both finally manage to let go, you realize you’re shivering a little, but you don’t care. You don’t have anything left to say, so you just give him a cautious, sad half-smile. 

The two of you stand in a comfortable, melancholic quiet-- which you appreciate, knowing it’s probably the last you’ll get all day-- until you’re finally forced to go back inside. 

And when you get there, of course, you’re told what you already know. The body’s missing. 

But what the detective doesn’t see is the window just behind him, where on the other side, Mark looks back at you, laughing silently.

[3rddrawerdown]

One And The Same (Part 4)

Warnings: Fluff and angst(?)

Pairing: Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Reader

Peter woke before you did. You were still snoring softly in his arms. It was adorable, really. He wanted to squeeze you closer, but hesitated. How would you react? Did you even want him in bed with you? Did you even know he was there? It had been late when he joined you, or maybe it had been early. He wasn't sure. You fell right asleep after you had calmed down. For the last year or so, Peter hadn't been sure where you stood with each other. You'd been friends for so long that something more had never really been on the table. Then, one day, he noticed how your waist cut in from your hips, just so. He noticed how your shirt fell a little differently, complimenting your new curves. You were his best friend, repackaged. The perfect package. He felt guilty at first, about his newfound feelings, but he managed to keep them to himself. Lately, though, he was being thrown mixed signals. Especially the day prior. When you had handed him that daisy, and told him about the extra tray of pies, it hadn't been uncharacteristic, but it was almost like the level of flirtation had been ever so slightly elevated. When he put his arm around you to walk to class, the way you leaned into it didnt feel quite as platonic as it always had been. Then the arm brush in the cafeteria? Everything was so subtle. He had convinced himself that he was imagining things, when you had pushed him to ask his longtime crush, Liz, to homecoming. But then, you had had such an intimate evening. Given, the situation had certainly been anything but normal. Regardless, he had held you, held your hand, kissed your forehead. Now he was in bed with you. This had to classify as more than platonic... right?

You began to stir, rolling over in his arms. "Mmh. Hey, Peter." Suddenly your eyes opened wide. "Peter!" You sat up, accidentally pulling the sheets off of him in the process.

I was almost too shocked to find him in bed with me to notice his shirtless torso. Almost.

Peter fell backwards out of the bed in his haste to give me my space. "I, you, last night..." he trailed off, nervously running a hand through his hair. "I woke up and heard you crying... so I came to, I dunno, help. I-I guess I fell asleep, too." Now he stood in all his shirtless glory, and I couldn't help but struggle for a moment to find my words. Then I remembered Liz.

"Oh, geez, what would Liz say?"

Peter's face scrunched in confusion. "I'm not dating Liz. I just asked her to homecoming."

I raised an eyebrow, incredulously. "First of all. Isn't that the point of asking her to homecoming? Aren't you trying to further this... into a relationship? Second of all, if someone had asked me to homecoming, I would be particularly pissed to find that he or she had been in bed with someone else the night prior. Just saying."

Peter grabbed a pair of jeans and threw them over his boxers. "Well, I'm sorry for coming in, last night. I was only trying to help."

Suddenly, I felt guilty for my harsh words. Why was I pushing him away? Because my feelings aren't mutual, I reminded myself. He was only trying to help. He wasn't trying to get close because he had feelings for me. Which means this kind of thing can't happen, especially if he's going to have a girlfriend. That thought put my stomach in knots. "Look, I appreciate it. That was the best night's sleep I've had in a while, honestly. It's just, stuff like this can't happen if you're going to have a girfriend."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said, looking down at his t-shirt, finding the sleeves. "We'll have to put off Friday movie nights, too, because they'll probably be date nights," he said, coldly.

A pang of sadness ran through me. Then I hardened. "Yeah. I guess we will." I ripped off his t-shirt, not caring if he saw me in my bra... and forgetting I wasn't wearing pants. I threw it at him and hastily put on my hoodie and jeans.

He caught the shirt in one hand, wearing a guilty expression. "...Y/N, I'm sorry, I didnt mean-"

"Whatever Peter. It's fine. Have fun at homecoming."

"You're not going?"

"I don't exactly have a date, and I'm not about to third wheel with you and Liz. Plus, I'm not particularly excited about being in your presence at the moment."

"Y/N! Wait!" You stormed out of his room, and he heard the front door slam. He felt bad as soon as the words had left his mouth, but it was too late. He looked down at the shirt in his hand before falling on his bed, covering his face with his arms. "Uuuuuugh," he groaned. The shirt smelled like you.

I stormed home. Mom and Dad were at work. I lay on my bed, staring at the back of my door. My homecoming dress hung there, full of hope.

"Ugh." I rolled off the bed and went to the window, crawling out onto the fire escape. I made my way up to the rooftop, where I sat on the edge, just watching the city live and breathe below me.

There was a faint thud behind me. Turning to look, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Hey, there." Spider-Man made his way to the rooftop edge, where he joined me in sitting.

"I didnt expect to ever see you again. I mean, except for maybe on the news, but you get my point." I couldn't believe I was speaking so coherently. I was sitting a foot away from THE Spider-Man. Sometimes I couldn't even speak around Peter without stuttering or losing my train of thought.

Ugh. Peter.

"Well, I was in the neighborhood and happened to see a lonely girl sitting all by herself on her rooftop. I couldn't pass through without checking in, right?"

"I'm not going to jump, if that's what you're worried about."

"That's the general concern, but I believe you. Something does seem to be bothering you, though. Want to talk?"

To Spider-Man? Was that even a question? Of course I wanted to talk. "Don't you have lives to save? Criminals to catch? Basically anything more important to do?"

"What's the point in being a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, if you can't sit down and be friendly every once in a while? Besides, the city can manage itself for a little while, and I'll... I'll know if something big happens. Lay it on me." He brought his knees up to his chest, like a kid. His mask, believe it or not, was very expressive. The eyes on the suit widened, as though he were listening intently.

I sighed. "Well, you brought this on yourself, you know." I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and continued, "I shouldn't really be upset, I guess. My best friend of, geez, as long as I can remember, really, asked someone to homecoming. I mean, I urged him to. He's had a crush on this girl for a while now, and she totally gave him, like, the look. I told him to seize his opportunity, and he did. I'm happy for him, but now I dont have anyone to go with. I don't want to third wheel with them, not to mention we... kind of had a fight and I don't think he wants to see me, anyway."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Spider-Man turned toward you, crossing one leg in front of him and dangling the other off the roof. "Guys can be confusing, and incredibly oblivious."

"I guess... maybe I'm not ready to be around him, either. I dont know. I think I need some space." The wall-crawler's shoulders slumped, barely and near-unnoticeable.

"So you're going to skip the dance to avoid him? That doesn't sound fair to you. You should go."

I laughed. "With who? My nonexistent other friends?"

Spider-Man jumped up on the ledge, posing as The Thinker. "What if, hear me out, what if," he straightened, " I made an appearance as your date. Briefly, mind you."

I gaped at him. This couldn't be real. "Did you just ask me to my high-school homecoming?"

He stood a little taller, crossing his arms. "Maybe I did." I could hear the smile on his face. He uncrossed his arms and moved toward me. "I mean, I'll only be making an appearance, but I'll be the-" His next step would have been fine, had it not been where the ledge had a large chip. His foot slipped and he fell off the side of the building.

"Spider-Man!" I leaned over the edge, hair catching in the breeze.

"I'm okay!" He clung to the building like only he- or his namesake- could. He made his way back up to me, and I knelt at the edge. "Anyway. I can't be there the whole time, but I'll stop by for a minute or two. If you would like."

"I would love." I hesitated before leaning in and kissing his cheek. "Thank you."

"I-it's no trouble. I-I'll see you tonight." He made a move, not unlike a swimmer jumping off of the block into a backstroke.

I leaned over the edge and watched him swing off from building to building. My stomach was full of butterflies as I checked the time. I squealed excitedly and entirely uncharacteristically, and hurried back to my room to get ready for the evening.

Peter walked into the school with Liz, pulling his shirt collar up to ensure it covered his suit. He scanned the room for you, to no avail.

"Peter?" Liz touched his shoulder.

"Huh?" Peter turned.

"I just said my friends are over there," she pointed. "Shall we?"

"Uh, yeah." He followed her, continuing to scan the room as he went.

They stood around, for a while, talking, but Peter wasn't really there. "Do you want to dance?" Liz leaned into his ear.

Peter jerked back, surprised. "Huh? Yeah, sure."

Just then, the gym door opened and he froze. You walked in, hair cascading in wavy curls down your back. You wore a royal blue, floor-length gown. It was simple, plain even, but the strapless bodice hugged your upper torso just right. The fabric transitioned from fitted to loose, falling so perfectly from your waist. He was somewhat entranced by the movement of your hips underneath as you walked.

Peter thought back to this morning. You, in his bed. You, in his white t-shirt, your black bra just noticeable underneath. You, ripping it off, standing before him in just the bra and your underwear.

He tried not to think about that as he watched you stride over to the punch bowl. You poured yourself a glass and took a sip. Over the glass of punch your eyes met Peter's, and you turned, pointedly looking away. Peter felt excitement tainted by a touch of sad guilt. "Hey, Liz, why don't you go request a song? I'm going to run to the bathroom."

Now that I knew where Peter was, I knew where to avoid. I continued to sip my punch until something occurred to me. I never told Spider-Man which school I went to, or what time to be here. I came for nothing.

"Hey, loser." Michelle walked up next to me.

"Hey. What are you doing here? I didnt think this was really your scene."

"It's not." She didn't offer an explanation. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"My what?" For a split second I thought she was referring to Spider-Man, but that quickly passed. She couldn't have known about the rooftop chat, and boyfriend would have been an incredible stretch from what we were. Damsel and hero at worst, acquaintances at best. She must have meant Peter. "Oh, Pete's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend. But we're going through a... rough spot. He's here with Liz."

"You both need to accept your feelings."

"Excuse me?"

"Yup." She left me with that and disappeared into the crowd.

Were my feelings that obvious? Not to Peter, obviously. She must have been crazy to think he shared those feelings.

Preparing to leave, I leaned over the punch table to toss my empty cup in the bin. I was still bent over when I became aware of all the stares and whispers. I straightened, unsure.

Peter had passed the bathroom, rather than enter it, and exited the building. He checked to make sure the coast was clear before scaling the side of the school. Safe on the roof, he had pulled on his mask and shed his tuxedo. Now he was on the ceiling of the gymnasium, scanning for you. You were still over by the punchbowl, now chatting with Michelle. Michelle seemed to be finished and was walking away as he reached the ceiling above you. Slowly, he lowered himself, upside-down, just behind you. Everyone in the gym had seen him, at this point. Everyone, that is, except you. He cleared his throat.

"Miss, I must say, you look absolutely ravishing tonight."

You spun around. "You're here!"

"I promised I would be." Peter let himself down, gently and gracefully.

"I know, but I forgot to tell you what school I went to! I was about to leave. How did you know to come here?"

Peter was grateful for his mask, because his expression alone would have given him away. He had to think fast. "I have a sort of sixth sense. Like, a heightened intuition. Anyway," he cleared his throat. "Would the lady care to dance?"

"Does the gentleman sling webs?"

"He does." Peter held his arm out to you.

"She would." You took it, and he escorted you to the center of the gym.

"I know this one," Spider-Man said, as the song changed. He leaned in, "follow my lead." He placed a crimson hand on my waist and picked up my right with the other. "Ready?"

I felt warm from his touch and could feel the heat in my cheeks. "As I'll ever be," I spoke softly, placing my left hand on his broad shoulder.

The song was slow, but intense, and he led me well. Step by step, the gymnasium occupants could do nothing but stare at what transpired before them. Soon, I was able to predict what he would do next, and dancing was as a single entity. We twirled and spun, my dress melting into the blue of his suit, furthering the illusion of singularity. The comfort I felt with him went beyond the aspects of protection and safety; it felt as though I'd known him far longer than a meager twenty-four hours. The song was gearing up to end dramatically, and Spider-Man planned to do it justice. He spun me out, and I extended my arm, retracting it as he pulled me back in. He then lunged, using my momentum to dip me, as the song came to a dramatic close.

The claps began slowly, as the students came out of their shock, and soon the gym was roaring. Spider-Man pulled me up, seamlessly. Pressed against his chest, his masked nose was inches from mine. Suddenly, he went rigid, cocking his head to the side. He looked back at me and bowed, dramatically. Then, he lifted my hand to where his lips would have been and spoke, "It has been a pleasure, miss. Unfortunately, duty calls." With that, he turned and slingshot himself with his webbing toward the doors.

I shook myself out and told myself I'd reflect later. I didnt really feel like talking to anyone, and the whole gym was whispering excitedly. I pushed my way to the doors, catching a glimpse of a wide-eyed, gaping Liz.

But no Peter.

[mx-requests-forum]

[Fulfilled] One Step At A Time

Prompt: Changki + Kihyun’s first time interested in a man and doesn’t know how to approach him. He’s awkward and doesn’t like skinship or “sweet words” or anything he has done before with his girlfriends – Changkyun is hurt when Kihyun rejects him but he’s patient to him.

Fulfilled by @kechahiza! Thanks as always! :D

Words: 2140

“No, I’m sorry… but I don’t know if this is the right thing…” Chnagkyun’s smile faded. All the nervousness he felt just now, the fluttering hearts and hot cheeks are long gone. He took one step back, trying to stabilise his emotion.

“Sorry, but what?” Embarrassment washes him over, now his heart is beating faster. He played back his memories about all the things that had happened between the two of them. Did he misjudge it all? Was it one-sided? He gulps and try one more time, though he notices his voice is not as firm as before.

“No… because you don’t like me? I thought, we both felt –”

“No, I know. But this is so weird to me. I am attracted to you but to start officially going out makes it something else.” Kihyun lifts his gaze to the younger guy and realises he offended him. “Oh, wait. That sound so bad. No, no, no. What I meant is that I never liked –”

“It’s okay. I get it. It was all fun and play when we flirt around but to take it to another level is just not right.”

“Yes, yes… that is what I meant. OMG thanks. I hope you won’t feel sad or anything, we can be like we used to be and just enjoy each other company.” Kihyun flashes his most charming smile, hoping that Changkyun would agree with him.

The two met 6 months ago at a café that Kihyun helps to manage. It is his cousin’s café but as his cousin owned 6 other cafés, Kihyun decided to step up and help with the branch in Soerae Village as he lives nearby. Changkyun walks in for an interview, asking for any vacancy one fine morning while admitting that he can do some part time job there. Kihyun thought it was not a bad idea at all and after a discussion with his cousin, they decided to hire Changkyun. As time passes, he realised that Changkyun is a wonderful person. Despite some age difference between them, he enjoyed the younger’s company. He found that there is no barrier between them when communicating and things just got messy one day when he felt something more towards Changkyun. He tried to brush it off but it just won’t go away. Two months ago, their relationship shifted and he must admit, he likes that guy. He never thought of the possibility of him liking a guy, not after 4 relationships with girls. Is he gay or bisexual? What are the indicators? How do he define himself? He spends weeks figuring out his sexuality, he even tried experimenting. He actually explore stuff to investigate what actually turns him on and got more confused over everything. After that he decided to let it go and just enjoy whatever he have with Changkyun. No more, no less. Exactly just like this, comfy and warm. The comfort zone. Until few minutes ago when Changkyun asked him out, everything that he planned for himself was thrown outside the window.

Weeks passed and Kihyun could feel how his relationship with Changkyun changed. Nothing too obvious but something seemed to be out of place. Their conversation is still lively but Changkyun would never started it. Even when they still talk on the phone for hours, it was him that called Changkyun. The relationship seemed fine but Changkyun never initiate anything anymore. He will only reply anything Kihyun did but he will never start something.

Curious, Kihyun send him a cute selfie this morning, telling him he feel good today as the weather is so pretty. Instead of a selfie in return, Changkyun send him the picture of his plants by his windowsill. He said the plants are as happy as Kihyun for such good weather. Last night, Kihyun drop some food to Changkyun's home as the younger’s exam are approaching and he was not working for less shift. Chnagkyun is currently studying in college while working part time so he just wishes to lift some burden and stress from the Changkyun. This morning, Changkyun gave him a muffin from the bakery across the street. It felt as if he will always return anything that Kihyun gives him (somewhat similar to the particular gesture) but never too much. As if he is just returning back a favour. The thing is, Kihyun didn’t do it as a part of a favour. It was his feelings and sincerity. He knew he messed up their relationship - heck it was not even a relationship because he is such a coward - but he need Changkyun to know that he is sincere with him. He found the other guy attractive but it just doesn’t feel right to jump into a relationship now.

Plus, he wouldn't know how to act around the other guy if they were to be a couple. It is only natural to do a lot of skinship and throwing cheesy lines to his ex-girlfriends but he can't imagine doing the same to a man. A grown-up man wo is macho and as manly as him and show none of feminie traits. Also, if they are in a relationship...who should be the girl?

These questions are bothering him. He can't just ignore the nagging feeling and let himself to rush into Changkyun's arms. Wait, does Changkyun runs to him or he should run into Changkyun's? See? Even this simple act of hugging and being affectionate would bring so much questions to him.

"Welcome. OH! OH! ayyyyy" Changkyun bright tone bring Kihyun back to reality. A customer walks in and Changkyun seems to recognise him. The stranger pulls Changkyun into a friendly hug and they started to talk. He feels his chest tightened. Is this jealousy? He raises his eyebrow and flash a smile towards Changkyun when the younger looks over to him.

"Erm, hyung. Is it okay if I take a quick break? I won't have lunch break if that helps." Changkyun’s guilty face aches his heart.

"Huh?" he just want to hear more of that voice, talking in that tone.

"Since there is not many customers now, can I be excused for a while? A very good friend is here after years and I just wish to… spend some time with him.” Changkyun is now staring at the floor, hoping for some sympathy from Kihyun. Kihyun glances towards the milky-skinned stranger. The guy waves at him with a very cute smile. Kihyun can't help but to smile back.

"Yes. Sure. Take your time and have a good talk with your friend." Kihyun pats Changkyun's shoulder and the other breaks into a wide grin. It has been awhile since Changkyun look so happy and that realisation breaks Kihyun.

"Thanks hyung. I owe you." He runs to the counter and takes off his apron in a rush. Grabbing his backpack from under the counter, he looks over to the stranger and laugh.

"Let's go Lee Joo Heon!” The stranger let out a loud laugh and ruffles Changkyun’s hair. “Ahhhh, stop it hyung!”

“So you know I’m your hyung?” they both walked out the café cheerfully.

Hyung?? Kihyun looks over to the stranger one more time. Hyung? The cute guy can pass as someone younger than Changkyun. Well, it doesn't help that Changkyun looks older than his age but he called that guy a hyung? Wait up. Why is he so happy meeting this guy? Should Kihyun be worried about it at all or…?

Brushing it all off, Kihyun walks in to the office trying to rationalise himself. Later that day, Kihyun approaches Changkyun as the younger is the only staff left after they closed the café. Another favour being returned. He insisted to stay longer as he went out for extra break earlier today.

"Who is he?" Kihyun is sipping on his chamomile tea.

"Who?" Changkyun is busy wiping all the cups.

"The guy, from this morning."

"Oh. Jooheon is his name. A very good friend of mine."

"I heard you calling him hyung. A good friend?"

"He is older but he doesn’t feel that way to me. We are more of friends but he insisted that I should call him hyung. Ridiculous.”

Changkyun breaks a wide smile and start to ramble about the history of the friendship.He met Jooheon through a friend but they clicked so well so they unexpectedly bonded a very strong friendship. When he realised he said too much, Changkyun chuckled nervously.

"Sorry. I got too excited. It just that it has been awhile since I met him and I feel happy that he is staying this time."

"Staying?"

"Yup, Hooney hyung usually travels around to work. But he is currently taking a break so he will be staying in Seoul for a while."

"Taking a break? What does he do?"

"He is a rapper. He travels a lot according to gigs that he has to attend. He is kind of famous, come to think about it."

"You are so happy. It has been awhile."

Changkyun's smile fades. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Kihyun walks away.

"Hyung, what is it?" Changkyun's voice drops lower, stopping Kihyun mid-track. He speaks up, still not looking at the younger.

"You sound so gloomy these days. You never call or text anymore. It always me who have to start everything. I know I messed up the thing we have between us but seeing you so happy now makes me think maybe I give the right answer to your question."

There were silence in the room. After seconds of torturing himself, Kihyun let out a sigh and starts to walk away.

"I don't want to cross any limits.” Changkyun’s voice is shaking. “You don't do relationship with guys. You can't understand what we have between us, so tell me...what should I do? All I can do is wait hyung, and this is me waiting." Kihyun turns onlt to be greeted by Changkyun’s stare, eyes full with pain.

"I can only stand here and wait. After what you said, all I can feel is pain. I try my best to act like before but who are we trying to deceive? It will never be the same. I was rejected. Someone fun enough to flirt with, but not worthy enough to be in a relationship." Changkyun chuckles but all Kihyun can hear is pain. Kihyun walks to him and pull him to a hug. Changkyun stay still.

"I am so sorry but I'm afraid and I am not sure if you can understand this weird, unfamiliar feelings I feel. I don't know what does it mean for me to be with you. Never in my life I thought about dating a guy. I can't stop this weird feeling, trying to figure things up."

Kihyun let Changkyun go and stand directly infront of him, staring into his eyes.

"I keep on thinking about what I did with my exgirlfriend and all of that doesn't sound right if I were to do it to you. I can't even hug you without trying to figure out how should we act. Should I be the female role? Or should I expext you --"

"Hyung." Kihyun stops.

"Why did you hug me,just now." Changkyun looks so serius, Kihyun gulps before answering.

"Because you are in pain and I cause it and I feel like I have to do it."

"Hyung, when you were with your girlfriends…when did you kiss them? When and why?”

"What do you mean when? I kiss them when we met…sometimes during the dates… actually, when I feel like it."

"Do you plan every behaviour and gesture to your girlfriend?"

"No, I just go with flow. I just - wait." Kihyun smiles and Changkyun clears his throat.

"I hate to break this to you, my dearest Kihyun hyung but I was in a relationship with girls too before. Then I met someone, I feel the same attraction towards that guy...but he is a man. That is when I realised, it was the person. No matter is it a she or he, if I like that person, of course I would fall into them like a fool. Like what I am feeling now.” Changkyun stare in Kihyun’s eyes for few seconds before he continues.

“We can take it slow. Don't be silly. In any relationship, you would always have to take it slow, knowing each other better. To see how far our compatibility would take us.” Changkyun take a step closer. "If the timing and mood is right, you can do anything you want." He leans in and kiss Kihyun. "Like this. Does it feel weird?"

Kihyun laugh and pull him to a deep kiss. "No, Changkyun. And I will trust you, taking one step at a time. So bear with me, will you?"

Changkyun nods and pull Kihyun into a hug.

[heathered-beinn]

BangtanTV Youtube Vids 3

Dance practice by 정국 of 방탄소년단 - YouTube Dance practice by 정국 of 방탄소년단 (Jungkook of BTS)

This short dance routine was a nice little insight into the level of Jungkook’s dance skills a few months before the band debuts. I looked up the band’s debut date which is June 2013 and this was filmed in January. From what I can remember from previous vids Jungkook didn’t have much/if any dancing experience when he joined the company so this is quite an impressive start! I am not a dance expert in anyway but I’ll make a few observations using my common sense. This short routine shows he has already developed a good sense of flow, has a good memory for remembering steps, and nice posturing for the style of dance (i.e. it doesn’t look awkward or robotic). His rhythm was off a little in places, which was most noticeable throughout the second set of bell rings. I’m going to make another uneducated observation based on this off-rhythm: throughout this video he seems to be dancing more from memory rather than dancing to the music. Is this a one off or is it because he is still learning (and probably under pressure)? It will be so interesting to see how his skills grow from here on out.

방탄소년들의 졸업 - YouTube 방탄소년들의 졸업 (rough translation: Graduate of BTS)

Oh my goodness <3 <3 !!!! This is so cute!! The song is clearly about them graduating from their respective schools. Dressed up in their school uniforms, J-Hope, Jimin, and Jungkook sing a Korean-ised version of Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa - Young, Wild and Free ft. Bruno Mars on school grounds.

It is like, tooth-rottingly cute – all of them are so young and baby faced! Jungkook seems to be the lead singer already and did a little rapping too. He’s definitely a singer more than a rapper but it still sounded good. J-Hope’s voice is smooth and he oozes confidence. He also looks like he hasn’t aged a bit from then to now! Jimin is just a little cutie. I think he was mostly background vocals and visuals in this little music video which I’m sure was down to his lack of confidence in singing since it was so new to him. *sigh*… there was so much youth and innocence in their voices back then. Okay so their voices were a little unpolished and it wasn’t exactly a blockbuster of a music video but, you know what, it was pretty damn good and definitely an entertaining performance.

Observations: so taking into account that this would all have been edited and somewhat scripted, looking and reading between the lines the three of them seem to be genuinely close already. I know Korean culture is generally less conservative with touching between friends than western (yet more conservative in other ways) but the three seem pretty natural with each other. Either they gelled fast or they’ve been working together for some time already – even before Jimin became an official member of the pre-debut band. I really liked how, rather than pretend to be macho males who dominate the school and ogle the girls, the video is just them hanging together and essentially ‘playing’ like young teenage friends. I had to laugh at Jimin measuring his height against the growing Jungkook. Enjoy the inch while you can darling because it’s going to go fast lol!! Also, you really would think they were all the same age but if I’m right, there is four years difference between J-Hope and Jungkook!

 130208 지민 - YouTube 130208 지민 – Jimin 08/02/13 (UK date!)

Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

Jimin tells us he went to Jungkook’s graduation with Jin and Suga (hyung). They went because they heard Jungkook didn’t have many friends but it turns out he was surrounded by girls (lol!) and Jimin was a little jealous (jealous of JK having more friends than him, or that they were girls, or that JK has a lot of friends who aren’t Jimin/the band?). He then says that now JK is a year older he will probably become a bit more manly (again, is that a good thing or a bad thing Jimin? Are you afraid he will get taller than you? Or that he might not be so playful? Or are you looking forward to those things…? In all honesty I thought this was a bit of an odd thing to say but then it might be the culture difference). The team are getting a vacation (excellent, I bet it is really needed – although if memory serves, by the time American Hustle Life comes around it’s been a long time since they had seen their family so this might have been the last trip home that they talked about). Jimin says he feels bad that RM and Suga can’t go home early because they have to work on songs but he hopes they can go home soon and rest. (Two things come to me here; one, RM and Suga are already the lead writers at this point and they are under a kind of pressure that they can’t go home until they meet some kind of quota? Look, they are both adults at this point and it’s a difficult industry so this isn’t too surprising that there is a lot of pressure, but it shows how hard they had to work to get to where they are today. It did not get handed to them on a plate. Do I think this particular pressure was unnecessary; yes I do. Do I think it’s the worst thing in the world: no I do not. I can acknowledge that there are much worse things to be doing than writing songs in a studio for hours on end. I also think the that the pressure will probably nurse their passion for the job. However, that doesn’t mean they are not stressed, tired, and mentally drained, so I empathise with them and hope they get the break they deserve soon. The second thing is: a small note about Jimin’s concern and regret that RM and Suga aren’t going home like himself. That shows he has some empathy and that he cares about them. As this is incredibly early in the band’s career this is just an observation of the emerging bonds.

 130208 정국 - YouTube 130208 정국 (080213 Jungkook UK date)

Thanks to Hopeful Mang in the Youtube comments for the translation. Before I even get into the video I want to make the observation that JK is wearing a fur-lined coat in the studio – just how cold is it in there???!!!! He also looks tired/cold, poor lad.

Right, so, according the translation, he says he is finally filming his log and he watched Jimin do his and thought he didn’t speak well but now that it’s his turn he realises he doesn’t know what to say. (Well JK, you were quick to judge Jimin – and quite harshly – but now you realise it really isn’t that easy! I do wonder, now, if JK was in the room with Jimin when he was filming? If so, was Jimin maybe teasing him when he said he, Jin, and Suga thought he did not have many friends and that’s why they went to his graduation? Then maybe he made up for it by suggesting he was surrounded by girls, which he may not have been? Who knows, but that’s another possibility lol!)

JK then tells us that today was his graduation and that he had been looking forward to it but now that it’s happened he’s actually not that happy. (I wondered why? I was curious about him graduating anything at 15 so I googled and figured out that since he’s fifteen he’s just graduated middle school! So now I’m wondering if he’s nervous about going to High School? Or if he’s sad about the pressure to leave a certain part of his childhood behind? Or maybe he’s sad he might not see some his classmates again?) He says it is 11:39 and they’ve just finished dance practice (I am hoping that he is talking about 11 in the morning…) Like Jimin, JK says it’s almost New Year and he can’t wait to go home. He finishes the log by saying he misses his mum and dad and that everyone will be waiting for him at home and he wants to go. (It must be hard for JK to be so far away from home at such a young age. I know that many children are, for various reasons, but I hate the ‘oh don’t worry about it there are other people worse off’ mentality. That kind of thinking helps nobody and only deteriorates a person’s mental health because it doesn’t stop them feeling bad but increases their overall stress because they feel guilty for feeling bad. Anyway, back to JK, I wonder how he copes without his family? Who provides his pastoral care? Are there staff there – like the house staff you’d get in a boarding school who are a bit like a stand-in parent? Or do the other band members, like Jin and Suga, look after the younger ones? What does JK have to do for himself? Does he cook his own meals? Clean his own washing? Organise his dental/hair appointments? What about when he’s unwell? Who looks after him? Does the company provide any of that? I know the band live in dorms so there has to be some sort of living arrangements. Hopefully this will all get answered in time.)

 130212 RAP MONSTER - YouTube 130212 RAP MONSTER – (RM’s Log)

Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

So RM starts by saying that New Year’s is over and that’s he had a [legal] drink with some long-time friends [ones he’s known for 13-15 years]. (I’m glad he at least got to celebrate New Year – the video doesn’t spell out if he actually got to go home but I really hope he did). He says that he’s realised that real friends are the ones who stick with you through the bad times as well as the good (I’m sad it’s taken this long for you to realise darling but I’m glad you know now). He thinks the band is going to debut soon (it’s about four months off from what I read) and after the break he’s recharged and more determined. Starting tomorrow it’s going to be a storm and he’s going to practice more (which I assume means he’s going to launch into song writing with more vigour and determination and try even harder with the dancing – which great for him!! <3 The break evidently did him the power of good. I hope he manages to keep it going x)

 130212 정국 & 지민 - YouTube 130212 정국 & 지민 – 12/03/13 Jungkook & Jimin UK Date

OMG WHAT CUTIES!!! <3 <3 THEY ARE SO ADORABLE Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

Jimin starts talking first. (He sounds a bit croaky ☹). He says New Years is over. (That was really quick!!! They last filmed on the 8th and it’s now the 12th – not much of a vacation for them! ☹) Anyway, Jimin tells us that as the two of went to Busan they got to film their log together (presumably because they arrived back at the same time? The two of them seem a little awkward – not with each other – but as though they don’t quite know what to say lol. So I don’t think they exactly practised their log beforehand, which maybe they should have *insert crying with laughter emoji*) Jimin then says that as he predicted he put on a lot of weight. (I am… so sad. It’s been less than 4 days Jimin, even if you were on a drip that mainlined calories into your body 24/7 you would not put on that much noticeable weight in 3 days!!! This fixation on weight from all of them is breaking my heart.) Jimin then also says he caught a cold and his throat is sore (which explains why he sounds all choked-up, poor lad ☹. Then it is JK’s turn to speak and, bless him, the silence is awkward – he’s really going to have to work on feeling comfortable in front of the camera.) JK eventually says that he had a good New Years and that he knows it will be a long time before he gets to go back to Busan again (Jimin nods along with a little sad pout and I want cry for them). JK then says he will work harder because of this (I’m kinda reading between the lines here and taking it that he means he will try to block out how much he misses home by focusing extra hard on their work. Whatever helps, sweetie.)

Jimin echoes this by saying that now they’ve caught up on some rest he’s ready to work harder (I want to go all motherly on his butt by saying; darling you are clearly under the weather and you need more rest, not to work harder right now. Get into your bed and let me make you some tea.) He reiterates this to JK by saying ‘we’re going to work hard? Correct?’. They look at each other and giggle a little shyly as JK agrees they will work hard (absolutely adorable, I’m loving this little friendship already). Jimin then draws the log to an end by saying RM needs the studio and that his throat is in a bad condition. He asks JK if he has anything more to say to which (LOL) JK says no and repeats he will work harder. Jimin awkwardly ends the log.

Extra musings; I find it absolutely adorable how awkward they were and it very much came across that it wasn’t that they were awkward with each other - in fact, they appeared to look to each other for reassurance - but that they just didn’t know what to say. I don’t think they aren’t comfortable talking ad hoc in front of a camera. It is really sweet that they clearly tried to help each other through the filming. JK is definitely the most shy out of the two and became a cute little ‘nodding dog’ whenever Jimin spoke as though his friend was saying everything perfectly for him (for anyone reading this who doesn’t understand; the term ‘nodding dog’ is a reference to a cute little toy that sits on a vehicle’s dashboard and nods it’s head to the vibrations. Overtime the term has morphed into a reference to people who sit and nod as someone else speaks – usually during speeches/meetings/lectures. Over-all it is an amusing analogy rather than a mean one and I definitely mean it in a gently teasing way!)

Anyway, these two seem to have a cute little friendship going on, which is nice to behold as we didn’t get to see much about their friendship until American Hustle and that godawful day working at the airport – which I have tried valiantly to scrub from my memory. I really hope to see more of them working together in the future – and maybe they will continue doing logs together <3

130214 J HOPE - YouTube 130214 J HOPE’s log

J-Hope!!!! Sweetheart <3 <3 I love your shirt – you look all sparkly! Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

J-Hope starts by saying he’s finally filming his first log (and I may or may not have melted into a puddle of goo when he smiled and clapped his hands together – such a beautiful boy, like sunshine personified). His graduation video has just been released (which I assume from my Google research on age and Korean education means he has now graduated high school, well done sweetie and congratulations!!!!). His graduation makes him feel both nervous and excited as it feels like ‘something is starting’. (I wonder if the company were holding back a little on debuting the band until the majority of them had finished high school – which would be sensible considering the band’s workload!). J-Hope says he hopes it’s not too cringeworthy but he wants to talk about his goals (nothing cringeworthy about that and I definitely want to hear about them!). His first goal is to get better at rapping before the band debuts, with the help of RM and Suga (I love how the band members are helping each other and I also admire J-Hope’s desire to improve his skills for the sake of the band). His second goal is to dance more like a pro (after what I saw in American Hustle Life then you have natural talent J-Hope and are already dancing like a pro, I don’t know how you can improve really. You’re definitely the most talented dancer in the group when it comes to hip-hop). He then tells us that it is Valentines Day and that he hopes we are enjoying it, relieving a lot a stress (?) and are eating a lot of chocolate (<3 you too J-Hope, even though I do not celebrate that day in the slightest lol). He finishes the log by wishing us a happy Valentine’s day again.

Further musings: a really cute log and a great start. J-Hope talks naturally in front of the camera and his smile is just beautiful and makes you automatically smile along. Maybe JK and Jimin should take some notes on J-Hope’s confidence and delivery lol.

 130214 지민&정국 - YouTube 130214 지민&정국 – Jimin and Jungkook

Ah the cuties are back!!! And they’re recording their log together again <3 Note: this is 2 days after the last one and the same day J-Hope recorded his first log. Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

(I may have sniggered at their choice of music playing in the background because I really don’t think they understood the lyrics…) ANYWAY, so, according to the translation, Jimin starts by saying it’s Valentine’s Day but also Graduation Day at his school. (I’m a little lost as to whether he is actually graduating anything specific or even where he might be graduating from). JK chimes in that he graduated today too (which I thought he did the other day? Confused.com). Jimin then says it was a day off school so he didn’t receive any chocolates (I’m guessing Valentine’s Day is quite a celebrated occasion in Korea). JK chimes in that he still received two chocolates (I like how males get gifts too and not just females for Valentine’s Day). Jimin says he got one chocolate. LOL at JK saying he won! Jimin then explains they get chocolates from the girl trainees in the company and that he doesn’t mind just getting one because they are on a diet (cue my angry face because I think I’ve already established I don’t think it’s a healthy diet). Jimin says he looks to Jin to lose weight in which JK chimes in that Jin is good at taking care of his body. (Funny enough, in one of the last Jin logs he said staff had commented on his growing weight, which was a load of bullshit, but Jin was determined to eat more healthily. So which is it? Jin is overweight enough that he needs to diet according to staff (gross and no) or does he have an enviable figure that JK and Jimin want to emulate? I mean what am I even talking about because neither Jimin or JK are overweight anyway and probably have six packs from all the dancing…) Then Jimin says… (and I genuinely want to cry that he says this, I don’t even want to type it) Jimin says ‘in order to not be called cute because of my fat, I will lose weight in anticipation of becoming handsome.’ (I don’t know where to even start with this horrible utterance. Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being called ‘cute’. Cuteness does not just cover looks it also encompasses personality whereas the term ‘handsome’ really doesn’t, at least from where I come from; you can be handsome to the eyes but an absolute dick in personality. Also, being thin does not mean you are handsome either – I have seen some men who are incredibly slender but not physically fit, all ribs and angular bones, and I wouldn’t class them as ‘handsome’. Anyway beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder. Everyone finds different qualities attractive. Also, not to give the game away, I saw what Jimin blossoms into when they appeared on the Late Late Show and he has nothing to worry about. I honestly don’t think it was ‘losing weight’ that truly transformed him either, not in the end. However, I can empathise with the lad, Jimin has a very youthful face that is prone to adorable full cheeks, even when the rest of him is pure lean muscle. I get that he’s at an age too where he wants to be seen and treated like an adult but, Jimin, that comes at a price too – don’t be so quick to try and shake off your youth, it’s precious.) Then JK devastates me by saying he wants to do the same. (Look, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good – or at least feel like you look good. However ‘losing weight’ – which is ALL they mention so far - is barely part of the answer. So much depends on things like having a ‘healthy diet’ – lots of vegetables etc - being happy gosh that is so vital, getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise, wearing the right clothes, how your hair is cut and how it shapes your face, same with the eyebrows, your personal grooming, getting the right amount of sun, and how you hold yourself – posture. There are so many aspects that can factor in to attractiveness. Also, do you want to attract people who only value you on your looks? Even as an Idol? Surely talent is more important?

Further musings: JK and Jimin seemed at ease together again – JK very much relying on Jimin to lead the log and simply nodding along to whatever he says. I noticed he also clutched his throat quite a bit, something I’ve not noticed before, and I wonder if he caught Jimin’s cold?

Can’t wait to watch more!

[hardwarevent]

2021 Resolutions

Hey! It’s me again, back after 2 whole years. New Year’s Day is one of the best times for meditation on the past year and expectations/goals for the upcoming one, so here I am, tip-typing away at the same computer I’ve had since I’ve started this blog (It still does the job! No issues *knocks on wood*). So, reviewing the 2019 goals. This past year, as you might figure, was 2020. It was not a great year for a lot of people. For me, pandemic aside, it was actually okay! First, I’ll see if I accomplished my goals I set out for in 2019 (and also 2020, can’t remember what happened when). Here are my goals and results -Reach next level of position at work: Yes, and then some! This year I actually got promoted TWICE. This is one part where I feel kinda guilty. Most people’s 2020s were pretty bad, but on a bird’s eye level, mine was pretty good. -Read though a book that will improve my programming, and a book that would improve managerial skill: Yes to both! I read through uhh Code Complete 2 at some point? Not this year though, but last year maybe. But this year I read through https://www.amazon.com/Managing-Humans-Humorous-Software-Engineering/dp/1430243147 which was a fantastic book for getting insights on the ins and outs of being an engineering manager. This is really good because now I’m a Technical Lead at my job, and have 2 engineers who work under me and am responsible for. -Make a 10% (including the deterioration by adding money) profit in the stock market. The measure is that by 1 year chart should show above 10% increase: I’m not sure for 2019 because I switched from Robinhood to ETrade and so I’m not sure of the money counts. However, since I switched at around when 2020 started, I can check to see how my account looks and it would be an accurate measurement. The total unrealized gain I have is currently 13%, which means I did it! Literally all I did was invest in $SPY/$VOO and sell way OTM covered calls. Even though there has been massive amounts of suffering and poverty in the US this year, the stock market didn’t really reflect that overall, so as long as you’re rich enough to own a bunch of stocks, things were good this year. USA: Great as long as you’re upper class 🙃 -Do 5k-10k training: I think I did in 2019, but 2020 was tough. I’ll make this a goal for this year. -Maintain a healthy weight: I can aim for 160-165 for this year, but that would mean bringing this into focus. I can do that I think. I’ll keep it in mind. - As far as being a calmer, more positive person, I think that’s something that’s still in progress. Progress is being made though, and sometimes that’s all you can ask for. I’m part of a book club now, and we are currently reading https://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-Handbook-Living/dp/1573227544/ which has been really good. Basically, the idea is that by becoming kinder and more compassionate, you will bring happiness into your life. I can see that for sure. Part of it apparently is to put yourself into situations where positivity is easier/more likely, and avoid things which cause negativity. I think my life path reflects that, and the resulting boost in positivity (my previous posts outline what I mean I think).  So yeah! Not bad. I think for this year I will keep the 10% stock market gain goal and Healthy weight gain goal, and additionally I would like to read a book a month, I feel like that is a great goal that promotes growth.  So, some of you (none of you, given what’s happened on Tumblr and this blog following) may be wondering: What DID happen with me this year? Well, I’ve been working from home since March. Programming was a great career to have going into this pandemic, because programming is a career that is usually solitary and portable (wherever you have a computer works). I moved in with my GF mentioned in my last post, and she is still awesome and I still do not deserve her. The place we have now sucks, but we plan to move into a nicer place in February (she is also a programmer so we can afford a pretty decent place if we really want one). We moved into this place last February with the thought of "yeah we will both be at work so we don’t need a super nice place if we will not be in it often” and lo and behold, Murphy’s Law strikes, and this apartment has been a cage sometimes. Since my workspace is also my deskspace is also our bedroom, I have probably been in this particular room for the vast majority of 2020.... putting it that way, that is pretty sad. It’s not even that nice of a room, though it does have a sliding window that leads to our patio thing, which has a scenic view of... the parking lot, mostly. Hopefully 2021 will be better. I definitely don’t want to say “how could it be worse than 2020?” Because it will be. Side note: revisiting this blog after 2 years since the last post, and like 3 years since I wrote in it somewhat regularly, it’s a ride. There’s this frenetic-ness in my thoughts and posts that I no longer have. I was pretty neurotic back then. I think I still am, but maybe I’ve gotten better at hiding/ignoring it. That being said, with that frenetic-ness there is a creativity I feel like I no longer have. It’s sad to me, because that creativity is something I hoped to have with me my whole life. Maybe it’s best that I no longer really have it. Rereading all of these posts gives me anxiety, as though they were imbued with the anxiety that consumed me back then, and by rereading the posts I feel the echoes of what once was. Maybe some things are left buried. This blog is one of them, I suppose. I like it as a yearly new year’s resolution’s/yearly update blog at least. Here’s to 2021, and here’s to a continued happy, improved existence.

[13eyond13]

Do you have any headcanons about B? Like if B had an older sister what would their relationship be like? Sorry if that's weird but I'd like to think If he had a better support system he wouldn't have done the whole LABB thing

Hi Anon, thank you so much for asking! I love getting headcanonquestions, especially about B.This is such an interestingquestion! I’ve never imagined Beyond as anything but an only childbefore, just because B’s only relatives mentioned in the novel arehis parents. He was seemingly orphaned after their deaths, so you’reright, he likely didn’t have a good support network or other closefamily capable of taking care of him. We were only told a fewvague sentences about B’s past: We were told:

[1]B had a father who was murdered by a mugger.[2] B had a motherwho died in a train crash.[3] B had the shinigami eyes sincebirth, somehow.[4]B knew what the lifespans meant, and knew that he was incapable ofever changing the numbers.

I really do like the idea of Bwith a protective older sister, though, and how that might have changed things for him. I’ll run through how Iimagine this AU might have looked if he did:(this turned out VERY long and very in-depth lol, like approx. 2500 words, and I totally understand if you don’t want to read the whole thing! I’ll put it under a cut here):

B’s BABY YEARS:

B’s sister is seven years older than him, because he was a surprise pregnancy for his parents.

She hates him at first, because she’s so used to being an only child, but he’s actually a very pleasant baby – quiet and alert and cheerful, doesn’t cry much.

His sister still hates him until he’s about two. She sometimes stands over his crib whispering mean things to him, but he just gazes up at her adoringly and smiles and coos at her until she feels very guilty about it, and goes away again.

B’s TODDLER YEARS:

 B follows his big sister everywhere as soon as he can walk. He is very affectionate, always asking to be picked up and carried around. He snuggles into her neck and plays with her hair, and calls her a funny bungled version of her name, because he has trouble pronouncing his R’s. This melts her heart pretty quickly, and she soon forgets she ever resented him.

B’s sister finds she really likes playing mother with him – she loves getting him dressed and feeding him snacks, and teaching him things whenever he asks – which he does often, because he is a very curious & bright child.

B hits his childhood development milestones very early, and it’s speculated that he’s very intelligent, likely a certifiable genius. His medical checkups reveal nothing unusual about his brain or his eyes, but he always seems much older than he really is – about double his actual age, mentally at least.

B seems to daydream a lot, and to easily be distracted, especially if he’s in large crowds of people. He often says strange things that nobody can make sense of, but his family mostly writes it off as a personality quirk, or a byproduct of his big imagination.

His sister is very interested in nurturing B’s intelligence; their parents are always busy, both working hard to make ends meet, and so when she babysits B she starts teaching him to read and do math. He’s reading grade six level chapter books out loud to her by the time he’s three. B starts asking his family very strange questions soon after he becomes literate.

B’s EARLY CHILDHOOD YEARS:

B starts asking his family about all the floating numbers and the names. He points to the spot just above people’s heads and recites exactly what he sees out loud. He is shocked that nobody else can see them. He knows the name of anyone he sees, whether or not he’s ever met them before. “Why are your numbers so much longer than hers?” he might ask his sister, or “Why does the man’s name say this when we actually call him this?” “Why don’t I have any letters or numbers above my own head when I look in the mirror, or when I look at pictures of me?”

His family is astonished, and somewhat frightened. They quickly realize it is not just the strange imaginative games of a small child. 

They start doing little experiments with him to make sense of it, and find it seems to be related specifically to B’s vision; he has to see a person’s face for it to work. He can point to any person in any photograph and tell you exactly what their name and number is, as long as their features aren’t obscured. The people in photographs only have numbers sometimes, he says; for example, his family shows him a book of old black & white war photographs, and according to B not a single person in it has numbers. He says the numbers are always changing for people he sees everyday, but that their names never do; he says that the numbers only ever get shorter for everyone, not longer. 

B’s parents ask him about their own numbers. They ask about his sister’s, too, but B senses that the whole thing is making his sister feel very anxious. B trusts his sister’s intuition with all his heart and is very loyal to her, so he refuses to divulge any of his family’s numbers to anyone. His sister is very relieved by this, though she doesn’t fully know why yet; she is very proud of B and his unusual gifts, but something about the numbers part of it always gives her a queasy feeling in her stomach.

The whole numbers thing starts making sense for everyone once their elderly landlady dies and they attend her funeral. Four year old B says her numbers are completely gone now when he looks into the casket. He says the numbers are always pretty short for old people, but that hers were the shortest ones he’d ever seen.

B’s LATER CHILDHOOD YEARS:

Once it’s discovered what the numbers actually mean, B’s parents start fighting about it. His mother wants to use B’s abilities to make money, and pressures his father constantly about it.

B’s dad is just obsessed with finding out his own lifespan. He tries to coax it out of B nicely at first, then pressures him with guilt, but B will not budge on the matter, and remains very tight-lipped.

Theirparents start fighting secretly every night when B and his sister arein bed, and it’s always about whether or not they should attempt to make money off B’s talents. They try to be quiet, but the kids still overhear all of it. They could use the money to put both the kids through school and to move to a nicer neighbourhood, his mother says. It would be good for the whole family, if they were smart and careful about who they partnered up with, she says.

B and his sister become inseparable through all of this familial stress. B often asks to sleep in her bed with her when he has bad dreams, and so her pseudo mothering of B continues as he grows. 

B’s sister never asks him about the numbers or the names, and just treats B like a normal person. She tries to focus his mind on other things, and aims to keep him feeling good about his abilities instead of guilty or stressed whenever he mentions them. 

He confides in her during one of their sleepovers that he knows how to mostly work out the lifespan formula automatically now when he looks at people, but that it’s not totally flawless yet; the numbers are very tricky, but he thinks he can narrow the timeline down accurately to within a few weeks of the death date. He does these calculations automatically without meaning to every time he looks at people now, and he hates it. 

He is very sad about finally understanding the lifespans of their parents, and says he wishes more than anything he knew of a way to make people’s numbers get longer instead of shorter.

B’s PRE-TEEN YEARS:

B’s dad loses his job, and starts seriously considering his wife’s insistence that B is their ticket out of their financial struggles. They start seriously scheming about maybe contacting some talent scouts to meet with, secretly after B goes to bed. 

 B’s sister internalizes B’s morbid knowledge about their parents’ lifespans, and starts growing up very quickly as a result. She takes on two part-time jobs while finishing up her final year in high school and saves up a lot of money. 

B’s parents never end up actually monetizing his talents, but they do end up divorcing due to the constant fighting.

B’s sister moves out on her own as soon as she turns 18, into a crappy two bedroom apartment in the city near her work.

B’s parents both die soon after, within a year and a half of each other. It’s a very rough time for B and his sister, as they loved their parents dearly in spite of their flaws and have no other living family. Their parents left them with some debt, but B and his sister are each other’s emotional support all throughout the grieving, and manage to stay strong all throughout.

B’s TEEN YEARS:

B’s sister becomes his legal guardian, and he moves into her spare room. They happily stop talking about his strange abilities altogether.

They make a pretty good team when it comes to splitting the domestic duties. He loves to clean and does it for fun, so the place is always absolutely spotless. 

B’s sister is generally an awful cook, but she knows how to make a mean sandwich, and she always keeps the place cozy and smelling nice by burning incense, and furnishing the rooms with the perfectly good things she finds thrifting. She has a real knack for interior design, and plans on maybe pursuing it someday, once B is finished high school and able to better financially contribute to the household.

When B is about fifteen years old, his sister notices that he’s never once shown an interest in girls. He also is very curious about her morning routine, and watches how she gets ready for work very closely. She never lets on that she notices this, but she starts casually narrating the steps she takes to apply her makeup and do her hair.

One day, B’s sister finds some of her foundation and eyeliner missing. It’s replaced again the next day, and neither of them say a word about it.

B is consistently the top student in his high school in all grades. He’s generally well-liked, though very shy, and doesn’t have many friends. His sister senses he’s afraid of getting attached to people because of his eyes, and feels sorry for him. She encourages him to join some sort of extracurricular program, saying he’d definitely have a better chance of getting into his dream schools if he was more involved.

B joins the drama club at school, and it helps him come out of his shell socially. At first he just volunteers as a stage hand, helping the actors with their costumes and their stage makeup, but eventually he works up the courage to audition for a play, too. He is a natural, and gets the lead part. B’s sister tries to help him practice his lines when she gets home from work, but she’s often too tired. She suggests that maybe he could invite some of the other cast members over to practice sometime, instead.

B invites only one other cast member over to practice; a very cute guy with long blond hair, leather pants, and a rosary around his neck. This guy seems to have been under the impression that there were other people coming too, and looks very uncomfortable about the whole situation. B’s sister feels the awkward vibes between them immediately and wants nothing more than to makes herself scarce, but she feels too bad for the guy to leave. She hangs around all night despite B’s pointed glares, and makes a pot of mushy, overcooked spaghetti for them all to share. The cute blond guy chokes it down politely and leaves as soon as he can, saying he just remembered he needs to go pick up his best friend Matt from work.

B’s school play goes very well, and the student newspaper reports his performance as the stand-out highlight of the whole thing. B tells his sister that maybe he’d prefer to move to Hollywood someday and pursue acting. She’s torn between encouraging him to follow his less practical dreams, and wishing he’d make something of his incredible smarts and aim for an ivy league school, instead. She decides to hold her tongue and let him decide on his own.

Eventually, B’s sister gets a nice boyfriend named Stephan Gevanni, and he moves in with them after a few months. He’s a sweetheart, and a very good cook, and he fills that hole in their home nicely by making delicious suppers every night. B is very blushingly awkward around Stephan, and hides in his room all the time, writing in his diary, obsessively reading manga, and listening to dramatic movie soundtracks on repeat. He gradually stops being embarrassed about his interest in makeup, as his time as a stage hand helps him feel more comfortable about it. Soon he’s wearing subtle eyeliner and foundation every day, and it looks very good on him. That cute blond guy he invited over even asked B for tips on how he pulls it off so well, he says with pride.

At some point, B comes home from school saying he’s just had the oddest day at school. He was pulled out of class all day for some very cryptic testing, which he was told was a standardized government thing. B didn’t believe for one minute that it was, but he couldn’t make sense of what else it could be, either. He said the test was the hardest thing he’d ever taken in his life, but that he had a lot of fun with it, too.

Two weeks later, B gets an elegantly embossed letter in the mail. He’s passed the cryptic testing with flying colours, and is one of the elite few finalists being invited to meet with a man who runs some of the most prestigious private schools in the country. The one they think B would make the best fit for is called Wammy’s House in England, which they would allow him to attend on full scholarship, no questions asked. B reads the letter out loud to his sister and Stephan over dinner with shaking hands, though he claims to find it silly and acts like he doesn’t care at all.

B’s sister thoroughly researches this school for the gifted, and finds she can figure out very little about it outside of the fact that it indeed exists. She’s extremely proud of B for being selected as a candidate, but her sharp intuition is giving her a very nasty feeling about it, nonetheless. She chooses to hold her tongue and see what B will choose, deciding she will whole-heartedly support his choice either way.

B decides after a lot of agonizing to politely reject the offer from the mysterious school, saying he’s finally feeling at home in his own skin for the first time in his life, and would miss his new friends at school too much. He said he needs some more time to figure himself out, first, no matter how flattering the school’s offer is. His sister breathes a secret sigh of relief, and she and Stephan makes B a lovely cake with strawberry filling for dessert that night, because they knows it’s his very favourite.