#she’s in that phase where anything that reminds her of her ex feels like a personal attack

[daydreaming-in-letters]

Apricity

07/12/2023

Pairing: Andrew (Hozier) x fem!reader

Word Count: 3,733

Warnings: rpf, language, alcohol, heartbreak, pining, fluff

Summary: After a painful breakup, Andrew needs the comfort of his best friend.

A/N: I'm going to church tonight, and I brought an offering for the god(s). Hope you like it.

Picture by Daniel Goodman via Business Insider

If you like my story, you are very welcome to like, comment or reblog. No permission is given to copy, repost or share my work on other platforms.

“Last orders.”

The booming voice rolled through the thick, hot air like thunder. It was a wonder they could hear it at all above the music and buzz of voices, she thought, but the bearded man behind the counter looked like the type who knew exactly how to make himself heard. Andrew on the other hand was not a man who raised his voice in conversation regularly, still she shivered when instead she suddenly felt his hot breath waft through her hair.

“Shall we take another?”

But he was gone before she could even turn to face him, let alone process his words and form a coherent answer.

“Oh, so no to that,” he misconstrued the confusion on her face as their eyes finally met. “You could have just said so, you know. No need to pull a face like that.”

“What face?”

“You know, the one where your eyebrows knit together just a tiny bit and the corners of your mouth fall a little.”

He tried to mimic her expression and whether he had intended to or not, he made her laugh. And as if that wasn’t enough already, he smiled along, that crooked half-smile of his, almost as if he was surprised anything he did could genuinely amuse her. 

“Andrew, that’s just my usual face. It doesn’t mean anything. Although…”

“Ah, see. Not just your usual face after all then. You can’t fool me, you should have realised that by now. I don’t know why you still keep trying though.”

The slight curl of his lips reappeared for a moment, making him look so very proud of himself. And, for the first time this evening, almost a little happy. Now who was she to take that away from him by telling the truth: that she had been fooling him about her true feelings for months, maybe even years, and very successfully so, it seemed. 

“You’re a grown-up, Andrew. Have a drink if you want another. But—”

The last word had earned her a very dramatic roll of his eyes.

“I knew there was a ‘but’.”

“Yes, Freud, we know, you can look through me like glass, anticipating my every move.”

He chuckled. “Finally you see reason, woman.”

“But seriously,” she could see another remark form behind his mischievous eyes, so she was quick to make her point, “is that wise? Another drink will only make you sadder than you already are.”

“Sad? I’m not sad. I’m angry. Fucking furious to be precise.” 

Mostly with himself, she assumed. In all this time she had known him, he had never held a grudge against anyone for long, if at all. But it wasn’t as easy for him to forgive himself at times. Still, anger was progress.

“Good.” Softly she squeezed his hand and waited until the tension of his sudden outburst slowly subsided. “That’s good. You’re moving into the next phase then.”

He mumbled something under his breath, the sentence impossible to understand against the bustle of the pub. The only word she could identify was “Freud”, enough to help her understand that it had just been another of his sassy retorts. His next words came clearer though.

“If that really is a good thing, why can I hear concern in your voice?”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t think you would recover from her so soon.”

Andrew had not told her what exactly had passed between them and she didn’t want to pry. She only knew that they had argued, and that his girlfr—ex-girlfriend—had given him an ultimatum of some sort. Whatever it had been about, he obviously hadn’t decided in the woman’s favour.

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

Before she was able to stop herself, she could feel her brow rise, reminding him that they both knew he wasn’t the type that skipped through relationships. The final decision had been made a mere five days ago, a rather short time in her opinion to move into the phase of anger. But Andrew wasn’t her and for all she knew whatever it was that had led to the sudden end of this relationship might have given him reason in abundance to be infuriated. 

“Come on, I only knew her for what? About half a year? It’s not as if she was…” For a brief moment he paused, his eyes resting on her while he tried to swallow the words that had already been forming on his tongue. But it was too late and when he finally continued, his voice was softer than it had been all evening, almost fragile. “…the love of my life.”

Eagerly he gulped down the remains of his drink as if to clean his mouth from its last statement before the glass hit the counter with an audible clink.

“You’re right though. I probably shouldn’t have another one of these. Better call it a night.”

He didn’t even wait for her response, long fingers already busy stuffing his lush bun underneath a grey beanie. She had just slipped into her jacket when he already turned to lead the way. It would be easy to get to the entrance with him in the lead, his tall form parting the crowd effortlessly for them. But he didn’t seem quite as confident in the impact of his height as he hesitated for a moment. She had no idea why, not until she could suddenly feel the warmth of his hand closing around her own. His action startled her, only for a brief second, while her brain was trying to recall a thousand memories at once just to make sure she wasn’t mistaken in thinking that he had never done this before. He hadn’t. Still it felt normal. Easy. Everything was always easy with him. Conversations, silence, laughing, crying — it was all easy. Effortless and comfortable. Natural.

It wasn’t long though before they were met with the cold night air. It hit her hard, almost making her take a step back as, with the first inhale of fresh air, it invaded her lungs. Still it was nothing, an irrelevant fact, drowned out against the much harsher sensation of his hand gliding out of hers. 

He didn’t even need to fully raise the hand that had been hers for a blink of time to make the taxi hold in front of them. But it was enough for the icy air to crawl underneath her clothes and wrap around her in a tight grip. Not even his sweet gesture of holding the door for her combined with the warmth that streamed towards her from inside the cabin could keep her from shaking violently.

And it didn’t stop. Not when the door closed, not when his body pressed against hers in the limited space of the back seat. She was almost convinced that nothing would ever stop this chill, when suddenly his voice filled the silence to state the obvious.

“You’re shivering. Come here.”

And then his arm was there, invading the unclaimed territory of her neck and shoulders to pull her close. It may have been the spirits inside her system, making her needy and weak to his touch. Whatever it was, she didn’t care as she sank deeper and deeper into the unmatched heat that seeped freely from him, directly underneath her skin. She could feel his chest rising and falling so evenly, as if her closeness meant nothing, as if this was the normal way to be. It was infectious, hypnotising her into a state of untainted drowsiness, one last thought remaining on her mind. This was it, not just the normal way to be, the only way to be. Even more so as his lips pressed to her hair, a gesture so tender it made her heart flutter, and she knew that she would never recover from this moment, however insignificant it was to him.

“I don’t think I told you, but I’m so glad you’re here.”

His words were mumbled against the crown of her head, almost inaudible above the noise of the car and the blaring music from the radio, but she had heard them and would cherish them forever, sealed inside her heart until her last breath.

For most, they would be the bare minimum after crossing an ocean in a hurry simply because she had known something was off. She always knew, from the fatigued tone of his voice to the slight change of colour in his eyes, from the way he had to force his smile, never quite reaching the full infectious gleam it usually held, his mind anywhere but with her while his fingers kneaded the palm of his hand in discomfort. 

She also knew that it had probably been an overreaction, but she would do a lot more for him than spend her last savings on a transatlantic flight and an overpriced Airbnb, for him, she would walk all the way through the eternal fires of hell and back if that was what it took to make him whole again. He probably wouldn’t do the same for her, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t expect him to, that was not the way love worked.

“Well, first and foremost I came here to whup that woman’s ass for treating you like...well, the way she did. Comforting you was just second on my list.”

Stirred by a deep chuckle, his hot breath wafted through her hair for the second time this night. It was addictive, and dangerous, because it made her want to cuddle in deeper until it was too late to let go. And right now, just for a second, she allowed herself to hope that he might actually let her. Later this night, she promised herself, she would forget all about it. Forget about the soothing warmth he gave her and the light his presence brought to her life, always. It would be hard to erase the memory of a love that had never been and never would, even more so in the cold of an unfamiliar bed, reminding her mercilessly that she was just another foreigner in a city of millions of strangers. In a world where no one truly knew her but one. And even he didn’t know the one thing she so desperately wanted him to know, yet feared to tell him the most.

“We both know that’s not true.” For a second she held her breath, stupidly fearing he had been listening in on her thoughts. “You couldn’t even hurt a fly.”

Technically, he was right, she silently agreed with him while she relaxed in his arms again. But this was about him. And seeing him like this, this gentle, loving, warm soul, defeated by the betrayal of someone he had given his whole heart to—even if he denied that now… To her, that was reason enough for far more than just a firm ass-whupping.

Maybe she should finally listen to the nagging voice inside her head and tell him just that. It seemed simple enough, a few words spoken from the heart and it would at last be out of her system. After month and month of silence it would be out in the open, released from her heart and yet vague enough for him to take it one way or the other. Like a spectator from the outside she felt herself move to leave his embrace, but before she even had the chance to open her mouth, he beat her to it. A strained groan fell from his lips, eyes rolling heavily in their sockets and she thought she might have missed the moment in which she had already made her confession without even noticing, when she realised his agitation had nothing to do with her at all. 

“Oh, come on. Of all the songs…”

Instant relief washed over her, causing a rush to the head that made her feel a little lightheaded. Enough for a cheeky grin to curl her lips.

“No, don’t you dare. Don’t even think about—” he warned, but too late.

“Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now ‘cause you’re not welcome anymore…”

Her voice sounded all croaky and flat and she gave it her all to make it sound even worse. Knowing her absolute lack of talent, she usually avoided singing in public, and it had only ever happened on a handful of occasions, when the alcohol had made her indifferent to the physical pain she caused her poor audience. Andrew had always teased her relentlessly afterwards, but she knew all too well that he found it endearing and very amusing. He couldn’t deny that now, although his furrowed brows might give a different impression, but it didn’t take long until he accepted his defeat and the sweetest of smiles spread on his lips. And after leaving her hanging for another few lines, he joined in.

“I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high and you see me, somebody new, I'm not that chained-up little person still in love with you. And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free. Well, now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's loving me…”

They were both belting at the top of their lungs, all the way through the song, and when it finally ended, they fell back into their seats, giggling and panting violently as if they had just finished running a marathon. She was still holding her belly, completely wrapped up in their little cocoon of pure joy when she realised that something was off. She hadn’t noticed at first, but the taxi had come to a stop. It was hard to tell how long it had been standing in front of the red brick row house already, but if the driver’s face was anything to go by, it might have been quite a moment since their arrival. 

He cleared his throat while he held her gaze in the mirror and Andrew’s laughter died away as well. She hated the cabby a little for taking this moment away from her friend and threw him a dirty look. Andy deserved being happy, so much, if only for the length of one single song. Careful to soften her gaze, she turned to look at him.

“Well, I guess this is me then.”

His answer was nothing but a tight lipped smile that left her with a thousand different options of interpretation. She was still trying to work out its meaning when for the second time this night, he took her completely by surprise.

It wasn’t the fact that he reached out for her to pull her in for a hug that startled her, he always did that before they said goodbye, but the way his embrace felt just a little tighter, his familiar scent more intoxicating than usual and the wool of his coat that suited him so exceptionally well unbelievably soft underneath her fingertips. In a mere moment he invaded her whole being, flowing through her freely until she could hear her soul hum in the silence that surrounded them. 

It felt unholy to pull away, the sacrilege petrifying her in her seat, leaving her with no option but to stare at him. She had almost forgotten how beautiful his eyes were. That lush, mossy green, flecked with warm, earthy shades, she wanted to dive into them, and never return. 

And there it was again, that one feeling she only ever had when she was with him. It was hard to pin down, it was not as if she was not complete without him. She was. But she had spent her whole life trying to fit in and with him, she didn’t have to. It just came naturally.

For a tiny moment, it seemed as if he was moving closer again. She noticed his eyes fall to her lips, or maybe she had imagined it. Either way, she couldn’t help herself from doing the same, watching the pink pillows open the slightest bit, a sigh waiting to fall, or a word, but it never came. Instead, a dog barked somewhere nearby and the moment was gone. 

When she looked up, it was unmistakeable that the sadness had returned to his eyes as well. She hated it, hated every second they didn’t shine as brightly as they usually did. She missed the excitement they used to hold, the warmth and kindness they radiated from beneath his long lashes. And her heart broke for him all over again.

A soothing smile on her lips, the palm of her hand cupped his bearded cheek. She wanted to tell him that even if everyone were to abandon him, she would always be there. The words were forming in her mind so clearly, all she had to do was open her mouth and deliver them, but instead she heard herself say, “There is someone out there for you, Andrew. I’m sure of it.”

He returned her smile, faintly, but it was definitely there and it didn’t leave even as he turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand. 

“Good night.”

“Night, love. I’ll call you in the morning.”

She nodded, and then she was gone. Andrew moved over to the spot where she had been sitting to watch her walking up the stairs. One hand pressed against the leather of the seat, he felt her warmth that still remained, felt his skin soaking it up to let it warm him from the inside. 

She had always possessed this power, to warm him up and thaw his heart, even though he had thought that this time it had frozen for good. But the second he had taken her hand in that pub—whatever had driven him to do so—he had known that all would be well eventually. It had been so right, so natural, to feel her like that, if only he would be brave enough to tell her. But he could never, not as long as there was even the slightest possibility she didn’t feel the same. Because more than loving her in secret, it would hurt to lose her forever. He would rather have her as a friend than not at all because for him, there was no life without her. 

There was no way he would ever tell her, but it was this exact truth that had ended his last relationship. Faced with the choice between her and anyone else in this world, it would always be her. No matter what. There had never been the tiniest chance he could have decided otherwise. 

And now he was surer than ever that he had made the right choice. Maybe this night had made him delirious, he still couldn’t tell. She had been so close, filling first his senses and then his mind with nothing but her until he had let himself believe that this could really be it. His life as it was supposed to be. For a second he had even imagined that she was leaning in, that she wanted to kiss him just as badly as he wanted to seal her lips with his. 

But even if she had, it was probably only pity speaking. Or worse, she might have thought that he needed a cheap substitute to drown his pain. And nothing could be further from the truth. He had almost been thankful for the bark that had interrupted them, without it he would never have found the strength to pull away and return her abrupt goodbye. Still, it was better this way. By morning he would have forced himself to forget about everything that could have been tonight, he would call her as he had promised and pretend that she didn’t hold his heart. It had always been like that. And it always would be. 

She had almost made it to the door by now. Her steps already slowing while she was fumbling for the keys in her bag. He didn’t know how hard it was for her to hurdle the remaining distance between herself and the door. Especially with all the tears clouding her gaze. She had felt them coming even before the taxi door had closed behind her. And so she hadn’t looked back, afraid he might see. And now that she had almost made it, she couldn’t even find those bloody keys in her stupid bag. 

It seemed like a miracle when she finally closed her hand around the cold metal to bring it to the dim light of the streetlamps. But her triumph had been too hasty, the keys gliding out of her slippery fingers and shattering onto the ground with an ugly clattering noise. 

The frustration set loose more tears, forcing her to fish around blindly for them and when she had finally managed to find them, she fumbled around equally clumsily to find the keyhole. Her only solace was that she had heard the taxi pull away while she had been hunching on the ground, so at least nobody had seen. He hadn’t seen.

“You know, I was wondering,” she jolted upon the unexpected voice, her keys hitting the ground once more as she turned around in a hurry to find him right in front of herself. “When you said someone— Are you crying?”

“No,” she promptly replied, but it was useless to deny the obvious, she realised, as her croaky voice sounded through the silence, fresh tears still burning hot on her cheeks. And Andrew being Andrew, he didn’t hesitate. In the blink of an eye he was there, gentle hands cupping her face and wiping away the salty streams. 

“Why are you crying, love?”

She didn’t answer, her throat sealed by a lump of fear. If she answered truthfully now, she would lose him. And she couldn’t, she mustn’t.

But he knew anyway. It was obvious from the way his forehead wrinkled and his eyes softened upon the realisation. She hadn’t expected the crooked smile though that slowly began to grace his lips. 

“I see.”

His lips were even softer than she could have ever imagined, moving so tenderly with hers. And even though this was happening so fast that she didn’t know if she was awake or dreaming, she felt herself relax in his arms. Letting go of all her worries was suddenly so easy. Everything was easy with him. 

[skylarsblue]

✦Random C.o.D Headcanons✦

(Random Headcanons that I have no where else to put. Also because I can't properly wrITE WORTH SHIT, UGH)

✧Price can swing dance. And very well, mind you. ✧Johnny’s dad gripes at him for not drinking whiskey. “Bout the only Scotsman who won’t drink scotch! ‘hat’s like an Irish man not drinking Guinness!” He’ll say. But Johnny handles liquor really well. He could down three tequila sunrises without a single waver. ✧Gaz used to do ballet as a kid, gymnastics in secondary school. He’s less flexible now because he doesn’t stretch like he used to, but he could probably still manage the splits. ✧PRICE LIKES OLD WESTERNS AND COUNTRY MUSIC. TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE, I DARE YE- ✧Ghost’s autistic hyperfixations consist of; Birds, the chemical affects of drugs(of any kind) on the body, the process of decomposition, bones/skeletons, and how different cultures view Death. (Ex; Grin Reaper, Cu Sith, Thanatos, etc.)

✧Gaz is the one that has the most vast music taste, but admittedly he’s got a bit of a favorite spot for what I call “ass shaking music”. Things like Doja Cat to T-Pain, ya know?

✧Johnny whole heartedly believes in ghosts, and while he likes horror, he’s most scared by paranormal ones.

✧Ghost’s go to snack is apples. He is so obsessed with apples he can differentiate each kind with one bite.

✧Price hates being called Johnathan, the only one allowed to call him that is Laswell. And she only uses it to scold him. Like a mom. ✧Alejandro owns a cowboy hat. He bought Rudy a matching one, but he assumes Rodolfo got rid of it since he never wears it. It’s not true. Rudy is just really worried he’ll ruin it, so he keeps it pristine in his closet. He’ll even ensure it doesn’t collect dust. ✧König has a fear of horses. He had a Celtic mythology phase, read a spooky story with a Kelpie in it, and now they scare him. ✧Horangi used to have a gold tooth, and at one point his gambling debt got so high, he pulled it out and sold it. Also Horangi has bad teeth, lots of fillings & cavities. ✧Diabetes runs in Gaz’ family, so he constantly watches his sugar intake. But it’s really hard because he loves sweets. ✧09 Ghost is a trans man. This isn’t a Headcanon, it’s just true.

✧Johnny has oddly soft hands. He doesn’t do anything to them, and objectively, he should have tons of callouses. And yet? Nah, super smooth.

✧Gaz runs warm and prefers warm weather, Price runs warm and prefers cold, Johnny runs cold and prefers warm weather, Ghost runs cold and prefers cold weather. ✧Ghost hates being spooned cause he’s usually bigger, and the feeling of a body against his back, even if warm and alive? Reminds him too much of the feeling of a deadman pressing on his spine. He’d prefer to be the big spoon if he has to cuddle like that.

✧Rudy owns playboys & playgirl magazines. He just hides them SUPER well, because he’s kinda ashamed. He thinks people owning porn is fine, but his mother visits often and she’s a bit of a snoop. ✧Piggy backing off the last one, that’s also why Rudy is so sneaky. He wasn’t necessarily a super bad kid, and his parents weren’t necessarily unbearable. But he often got roped into trouble by others, and his parents were a bit strict, so he got good at sneaking. ✧Valeria & Alejandro are exes, and while there are many reasons they broke up? One was Valeria realizing she’s hella sapphic.

✧Valeria has a collection of naked women paintings. Like, super expensive ones? No one questions her because she’s a cartel queen, they think she just likes art. And she does. But she also is hella biased towards pretty painted ladies.

✧Gaz definitely has at least one crazy ex. Like “I’ll stalk your number, call your mom, and make a scene in public even if we broke up three years ago” crazy. ✧König was a pot smoking metalhead in high school, I will not elaborate. ✧Ghost tends to be clean shaven because the sensory feeling of stubble is uncomfortable, especially under his mask. But he likes facial hair on other people. ✧Farah is on the aroace spectrum. She’s not completely closed off to romance or sex, but like…it’s very very rare for her to experience those kinds of attractions. (Personally I think Alex is her exception, but I’m biased) ✧SPEAKING OF ALEX, man owns a cane. He decorates it, he also decorates his leg. With stickers. Some of them are kiddy/girly cause his niece gave him them. Do not question the Pinkie Pie on his prosthetic, reminds him of what he needs to come home for.

✧Nik & Price definitely have sucked each other’s dicks at least once. Look, besties bestie however they please. Also, c’mon. They’re military men.

✧Johnny somehow manages to miss something someone is telling him when they’re right by his ear. Yet! He’ll catch a random comment from across the room.

✧Also. Johnny is afraid of dogs. But he also likes dogs. It’s a very hard thing to deal with when he wants to pet what gives him heart palpitations.

✧König doesn’t talk to his mother at all. He occasionally talks to his father, but not much. But his grandma?? Every day. He will won’t miss a single day of contact.

✧Gaz writes poems or short stories sometimes as a coping mechanism. But he hides it cause he's embarassed. ✧Johnny had a full out punk phase in high school. He had spikes on a denim jacket, he had an anarchy pin on his rucksack. Full out. And though he didn't get caught, he probably did some teenage delinquent shit like graffiti. Thankfully, the more destructive stuff is more out of his system...mostly anyway. ✧Price didn't have a full hippie phase when he was younger, but he did have friends in that circle, so he picked up one or two things. ✧Ghost didn't have any aesthetic specifically growing up, but he thought Trad Goths were super cool to look at and he definitely got a lil inspiration from them in his everyday life. ✧Gaz also didn't have a particular aesthetic he fell into, but for some reason he was picked up by a group of scene kids in middle school. If you go through his oldest music playlist, EDM is in there a suspicious amount. ✧König is allergic to bees, so, anytime they're around he'll freak the fuck out and sprint away. If it weren't for the fact he had a reason to fear them, it'd look really silly. ✧Soap has ADHD, Ghost is autistic, Laswell has OCD, Rudy has AuDHD, and König is autistic.

[uhardite]

my no-fail guide to deal with a breakup

hey bbg, if you are reading this post bc you need it, i wish you all the strength and support to get through this. dont worry, coming from a person who has had her share of *bad* breakups, this feeling wont last very long, you will feel better soon, i love you <3

reminder: this is what i personally do, it may not work for everyone, others may have different ways to deal with it, and thats completely fine! be sure to give yourself the love and care you need while getting through this bad phase x

stage 1

cry. cry your heart out. take as long as you need to express all the negative emotions you are feeling. write down reasons why he/she was not the one for you. write down what you still feel for that person. then tear it and throw it in the trash. block that person from all your socials, resist the urge to see how they are doing, stay in your room for as long as you need. cut off your ex and their circle completely, take time for yourself, talk to people who can support and comfort you, and discourage you from being impulsive. if you feel like you wont get through this, just remember to keep pushing for one week. one week, thats all im asking from you. chances are, you will recover enough by one week to start thinking rationally about this, without bursting into tears or feeling extreme sadness. this is the hardest part, but the good thing is, it takes the least time to get through. so hold on and you will get better <3

stage 2

did you have a proper conversation with your ex while breaking up? were you both honest about the mistakes you made, things you could have done better, why your relationship didnt work out? if not, now may be a good time to have a heart-to-heart. if you had a bad breakup and dont trust your ex to be honest about themselves, you may simply ask them to be honest about specific things that affected you, then listen to their side of the story and leave. HOWEVER, do not do this if you feel unsafe around them. also, remember that the goal is to get closure, to find an explanation and move on, not to get back together. if he/she was meant for you, they would come back in your life at the right time. right now, taking some time for yourself and reflecting is more important at the present. acknowledge that you have experienced something new, accept all that you can learn from it, and move ahead. now is the time to get into new hobbies, routines, making new friends, and keeping yourself busy. stop listening to sad music, work on pending assignments, projects, study for any upcoming exams in advance, start working out, do something silly each day that makes you happy, keep going

stage 3

at this stage, you will rarely be thinking of your ex, you will be occupied by new thoughts and feelings and experiences, and a lot more comfortable by now. dont be too troubled if memories come flooding back, they are just passing feelings, they dont signify anything. you might also feel lonely around this time, or wish to date again, and although i personally dont like to date until i have moved on completely, it's perfectly fine to date someone as a rebound. however, keep in mind that dating should not cause you drama, and you should be clear about committment and feelings with the other person. dating someone as your rebound shouldnt hurt them, nor you. if you want to date to show your ex that you can do better than them, stop right there. this isnt about getting their attention, this is about you moving on

stage 4

we have reached the final stage! now is the time to strengthen your current relationships, friendships, stay consistent with your progress, take time to deeply reflect, and keep growing. relationships can be learning experiences when you treat them like one, where you learn about yourself as well as about other people. having the right mindset will help you in your future relationships as well. im proud of you and you've got this xx

[ofyourmightyharmxnies]

PINNED POST.

★ 。＼WILBUR SOOT｜LMANBUR ERA.／。★

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — roleplay account for c!wilbur; canon-compliant, operates in the same timeline as everything regarding the character in the l'manburg era, albeit it's expanded and contextualized to fit my interpretation of him! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — l'manbur will be running the blog like how political figures tend to run their own social media accounts, and is sort of a celebrity because of his status as l'manburg's president. he will behave quite seriously, and be quite selective in replies (and they will fail miserably at both these parts honestly; although she tries, they tend to be silly at times!) +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — any words that are akin to threats won't be taken too lightly around him, as although she favors the rebellious types, she would hate the prospect of you threatening l'manburg in any way. they do split quite easily, more than they let on. their responses might range from stoic to outright emotional. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — l'manbur uses he/she/they pronouns, and any kind of pronouns they come across. the egg has long since been cracked, but they're still the young phase of c!wilbur's life after all, so they're still curiously exploring things regarding their sexuality as well as their gender identity. they're still questioning their sexuality, debating on bisexual or lesbian. or maybe something else? +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — they will respond to flirting depending on his mood really. sometimes, he will look at you unfazed and remind you that you two are in a public place. sometimes he gives you a little wink, and tease about the fact that you both are in public. again, really just depends on how confident she's feeling that day. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — will not respond well to anything suggestive or NSFW-related content however. they will try and act like the bigger person, but if one persists, it's outright silent treatment coming from him. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — suffers from immense war trauma, and very anxious when it comes to any form of intimacy or closeness whatsoever. cautious when it comes to trust, but when he does trust you, she's a very gentle person. i promise you! character shipping will be selective, and done with much careful planning as well as consent between both parties. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — undiagnosed silent BPD and unbeknownst to him, l'manbur's also beginning to develop a psychotic disorder. written by someone with BPD and with schizophrenia! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — almost everything in this blog will be drawn by me personally! especially on portraits and selfies of l'manbur. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — again, themes of mental illness is prevalent within this blog, but this is all still made in light-hearted fun! nevertheless, l'manbur's repressive when it comes to approaching or expressing his trauma, and very fragile at the same time. hints of paranoia will be dropped there and then, so whenever necessary, i will drop trigger warnings for things such as s/h. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — all of her posts will be tagged accordingly to certain subjects; any open, political statements will be made with the tag #the president's speaking, for instance; announcements regarding the state of l'manburg will be accompanied by the tag #l'man announcements, responses to anything would be #l'man responds?! reblogs, although rare since she tries to keep her blog not so personal, will be tagged with #l'man's reblogs <3 any other mundane post will be tagged with #the president's thoughts or another rare one, #the president's daily life. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — out of character (like where i talk specifically) are messages marked by symbols; '//' !! like for ex: // HAJAJSJS im dying so hard +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — you can send writing prompts, starters, and one shots! i will be more than happy to provide! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — everything regarding her is within my personal headcanons; don't like? then just scroll away, easier done and said! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — blog monitored by @parfaitxparlour ; this pinned post can and might be updated as time goes on! +

[nicholasbaudelaire]

Greens, glorious green!

Starter @cass-evans

Where: Nicky's apartment, Descray

When: Any time you like

Having been home for a couple of days, Nick had pretty much smoked his way through the weed he had left, hidden in his safe. His housekeeper's niece had rented his place from him while he had been away, and after strict warning from said housekeeper, Nick had made sure to hide or throw out anything that she might have described as "naughty". His secret stash was not going to last him much longer though, and as such Nick had had to get a number for a new dealer. Usually, the wolf would have purchased off Elora, but since he hadn't managed to see her just yet, he felt rude having her come over to his apartment to drop off. Sure, it might have been a good excuse to get together sooner, but Nick wasn't sure where Elora's head was at, and therefore didn't want to rock the boat if she was trying to stay clean.

The new person Nick did not already saved in his phone, but assumed he would probably know the guy. Opulence was after all, a very small town and it was hard not to at least recognise every face in it. Besides, if the new guy wasn't someone Nick knew, he supposed it didn't matter so long as his business was good - which apparently it was. In a bid to be polite, Nick found himself using up the last of his stash, rolling a couple of blunts for himself and the new guy. He couldn't help it, he enjoyed hosting and besides, a good relationship with a dealer is always useful.

A year ago he would have made sure he had junk food in, but with the new diet and exercise regiment he was on in a desperate but ultimately pointless bid to maintain some of his supernatural physique, all Nick had in was fruit, veg and various legumes and nuts. Still, he threw some roasted chickpeas in a bowl, and began putting together various little tapas bowls of raw vegan appetisers. The large kitchen counter was therefore absolutely covered in various foods, as well as a beautifully carved wooden box filled with weed paraphernalia.

The chore kept Nick busy, something he needed to be right now. The bare apartment was already uncharacteristically tidy and clean as he had spent several hours re-cleaning and re-organising. He had not had too much in the way of reminders of his ex when he returned home, given most of his possessions had been in storage for the last year. Eventually however, Nick had had to deal with the cumulation of their belongings, a painful process that had left his apartment stripped of most of the things that made it feel lived in, or at least like Nick lived there. By design, the loft apartment was made of steal and dark oak woods and possessed a kind of rustic, masculine quality. Nick had initially wanted the renovated space to feel like a bachelor pad, but a homey one. It had changed with the new girlfriend, and now changed back again. The comic books and gaming consoles were now the last few things that gave the place any speck of Nick's character. Now, whenever he was at home alone, Nick found himself prepping food, working out and smoking.

The wolf tossed some of the unkempt dark curls from his face as he squeezed lemon juice over a salad of raw zucchini, quinoa and parsley. Lemon juice squirted over Nick's white shirt, but he wasn't phased. He enjoyed the mess of cooking with fresh ingredients, honestly Nick enjoyed any mess, which was no doubt why he felt so awkward in his own home in its current show room type state. Delving thick, long fingers into the flesh of the fruit, another burst of sour lemon drenched the greens below it and filled the kitchen area with a citrusy, fresh smell. A devilish smirk spreak accross Nick's face, interrupted only by the sound of his doorbell buzzing.

[greenxprof]

Prof. Green Oak's Playlist

I explained the reason for each song to be in the playlist under cut. Most are either because of vibes or lyrics that remind me of Green/His relationships, and some are assigned by friends :)

IDKHOW, Do It All the Time

Mostly about his teenage/young adult years. He's taking your girl and making her his, beware! Back when he was (surprising more) reckless. Also, by the ending when he says "I don't wanna do it but I'll do it 'cuz I do it all the time" can easily be about Green's "toxic" behaviors that he was aware to be bad but was his only way to cope...

2. IDKHOW, Social Climb

Same thing as above! Huge Green Vibes on "But if the lights don't stop me, no one's got control of what I do" as well.

3. ARCTIC MONKEYS, I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor

Oh you can bet Green's a flirt specially on parties and raves etc! Used to be even more when he was younger, on his 20s, before taking up the laboratory. I usually think of his ship with an Ethan where they met years after HGSS in a party...

4. DAFT PUNK, Robot Rock

Purely vibes  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He shares this music with Leo Mew. Do picture him vibing with his sunglasses on to this.

5. MAFUMAFU, いかないで

Assigned to Green by a friend! This music talks a lot about pursuing someone and asking them to not leave. Do I need to say it's Green about Red or Leaf?

6. SILENTROOM, NULCTRL

Pure vibes as well. I like giving him music that you'd listen to in parties :)

7. ROYAL BLOOD, Sleep

Oh Dear now we're getting to Green's Anxiety Crisis music lol. This one is open but you could say some sections of it, like "I've waited so long, Forever counting down, Thinking of all the ways I could get you back around" could be about Red... Left on his own, he doesn't wanna sleep.

8. ROYAL BLOOD, Little Monster

Much like the first three songs in this playlist, Green being a flirt but more sensual this time. I love him and I love royal blood what do you want from me

9. ROYAL BLOOD, Careless

Another Anxiety Crisis Music!!! Everything in this song screams Green Oak. "I wish I cared less but I'm afraid I don't" ???? THAT'S HIM. That goes for all his ships because he needs to go through the "they don't give a single fuck about me/they absolutely hate my guts" phase every time. He's also very prone to thinking he's NOT a good partner and his loved should, like, run away.

10. LAZER BOOMERANG, Time to Pretend

Vibes only but specially the Reguri in Alola vibes. Green driving his convertible with Red and Pika by his side, sunset behind them, all in a synthwave fashion....

11. ROYAL BLOOD, Lights Out

Third Anxiety Crisis Music. I feel like this one is more about an specific Ex that certainly traumatized him back in Kalos. Oh if she could see him now, looking all manly and handsome. She's not so hard to forget with all the lights out, though...

12. NANO, All Eyes on Me

Vibes and some of the Lyrics. It feels like a younger, teenager Green feeling all powerful and smartass with his new life in Kalos.

13. Champion Blue Encounter Music 

DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING? When I first played SuMo (I did it specifically to reach the battle tree and see them all grown up) and this started playing I felt so strongly I cried a little. oof.

14. YUNGLIXO, Sombra

This is a PT-BR Song. I feel like this one has some transgender subtones when he sings about not recognizing the person in older pictures or the person in the mirror, etc. It also speaks about not knowing yourself and feeling lost. I think this is about that phase in Green's transition in which he's in the middle of it. He's not like he used to be before it but he's still not like how he wants to be, yk.

It also speaks about not having a self-esteem and how it leads him to bad paths, because he feels like there's a void where he should be.

This song is really beautiful. Shoutout to the line "All the time I spent brooding I should've spent switching channels".

15. YEAH YEAH YEAHS, Heads will Roll

Another with the vibes and the party/rave mood. Also his head did roll once HAHAHAHAHA

16. THE YOUNG PROFESSIONALS, Video Games (Cover)

Assigned Reguri Song by Kyle. "It's you, it's you, Everything I do" and "He holds me in his big arms, drunk and I am seeing stars" .... oh I am mentally ill for them. Heaven is a place on Earth with Red yeah.

17. LAST DINOSAURS, Apollo

This one is about when Green decided he didn't want to be a Gym Leader. "My mind is made up, I'm willing to come down and wake up". That life isn't for him! He felt like staying there, a place offered to him because he lost to Red, because Giovanni wasn't there anymore, simply filling a hole, a consolation prize for failing on his efforts. He decided to pursue his (other) dream.

Also, for he "One more time, I need to see you one more time" as when he felt like maybe he should climb Mt. Silver to say goodbye to Red before spending a decade away. (He didn't)

There are some small transgender subtones on this music too. He's ready to be someone else, someone he wants to be and can feel proud of himself, no more letting others dictate his life. No need to feel like he used to, unhappy with himself, with his image...

18. CARPENTER BRUT, Hairspray Hurricane

Assigned by Cas. I like to think, when Cas Red and Green have that flying battle, THIS WILL BE THE BACKGROUND MUSIC. Also the name is just... Green. A hairspray hurricane every morning to get his hair like that!!

I will be adding more songs in the future, then updating this post :)

[away-ward]

Isn't weird that the horsemen, especially will, has probably hooked up with almost every girl or woman in thunder bay or meridian city? Wouldn't the horsemen's wives will meet these women at their own parties or something? Wouldn't it be awkward? I don't think any kind of love in this world is worth being embarrassed about if my partner has a long history of hookups with others, especially in a town full of vicious people tbh. Especially emmy. She'll be meeting will's exes a lot, no? Do you think the horsemen will keep these things under wraps? So awkward! If i was emmy, i might have to consider this, no man is worth this thing, especially not when he hooked up woth people, not because he was a sex worker in need of money/in financial crisis, but a guy who was in love with another woman, but kept on fucking around with others because he was weak enough to not fully fight for emmy. Tbh, i don't build my life well enough, only for my S/O's nudes to be leaked and everything falls apart bcause of it, and i feel like in their marriage, there would've been at least ONCE where one of his past hookups would threaten him with some sex tapes, no? The more i think about it, the more undesirable will grayson is to me. What do you think?

I don’t know if I’d say it’s weird. Hook up culture is definitely a thing in the US. However, from what I gathered, everyone who went to the parties the Horsemen threw knew what the bottom line was; they weren’t looking for relationships or anything long term either.

Considering how small the community is, there’s no question that they ran into woman they used to party with, and in fact that happened in Corrupt between Michael and Rika when they went to Sticks for dinner.

I do want to think that the boys were a bit discriminating when it came to their hook-ups. Not private, because of course they were out in the open at St. Killian’s and wherever else. We even have the comment from Will in NF when he asks if Damon ever gets tired of partying with everyone. If he ever wants to go back to a bed. To me, this indicated that they didn’t take any girls home, and any hook-ups were just opportunities of convenience, not planned specifically. Also in NF, we see Kai and Michael flirting with a girl named Daphne in the pool (same girl that confronts Rika at Sticks), and in they leave together, which also supports the idea that it was just a matter of who was available and down to play according to their rules. Alternatively, in KS, Arion tries hard to get with Damon, and I assume she’s tried with all of them at one point or another during their time in school. Damon was just her preference. It’s never indicated that any of them took the bait, so I imagine they avoided girls who seemed to be expecting more or laying a trap for them. Arion, and girls like her, would be too much drama.

The girls know what their partner’s histories are, and I would think that they’d have to be confident enough to not be insecure about it; sure that their partners won’t betray them. It would have to be the mindset that “yes, he slept with them. But he wants me. I’m the more important one.” Which, in reality, when you have to remind yourself of that is a red flag, but this is fiction, and we're supposed to understand that the Horsemen would never betray their women; their women are everything to them.

We already know how Emmy feels about Will’s past with Alex. She would know that any other girl would be less important to Will than that, so she’s not a threat. And if she tried to make herself a threat, I would hope that Emmy knows better than to be baited by that.

TBH, I wouldn't be worried about nudes leaking. And I'm willing to bet that as a general rule, Michael wouldn't allow anyone but them to have a camera out. Either way, I don't think they're that shy, and after being sent to prison for those videos, a few nudes or sex tape probably wouldn't phase them. In fact, they'd probably be prideful (looking at Will). I mean, after going to prison, what's the worst that can happen to them with a sex tape, especially when the women already know. Emmy did say Will had been on top of more than half the graduating class. I don't think she was exaggerating.

However, one of my funnier AUs that I like to bop around with is the idea of one of them having a kid. It's Will, because he was the least careful. But also because all of my AUs would be Willemmy, of course.

But it would totally be awkward, at least at first. When I was reading One Day, I wrote this post about how weddings in Thunder Bay are probably disasters to say the least. Funnily enough, in the tags I asked who would be the most chill walking into a room full of women their husbands had slept with and concluded that it's not Banks. I think with the recent post from PD, that conclusion is fairly accurate.

For me personally, a person's past does matter to me and when considering a partner, I would take that into account. If presented with someone like Will, I'd ask a lot of questions. But I do value the person in front of me, who they are today, over the person they were yesterday or ten years ago. Everyone can grow and change. However, I get where you're coming from.

Thanks for the message. Take care today!

-KO

[soovermyself]

Deux moi said drama queens (slash OTH) has a blind item. Have you heard anything??

Also I’m feeling like the honeymoon stage was over for grant and maybe he cheated emotionally.

I always thought it was weird they were friends for 10 years (like no mention of a spark or chemistry) and then got together. It always sounded more conviennent, and look where we are. But maybe that’s just me

It was apparently about Joy…but I don’t truly buy into these narratives much. These could’ve been sent by a bitter ex or costar really. After everything that they have gone through on that set, I think they truly created a special bond and still after all these years, people are still trying to create drama. Everyone listening to the pod can see that they all seem to get along just fine…

As for Grant and Sophia, I think the honeymoon phase was over the moment life got back to normal hence when she started getting back to work/getting job offer. We were seeing less and less of him other than at events, seems just really opportunistic. The rest of the time he was m.i.a but reminding everyone how perfect he was with his sweet posts and notes. He really sold her the dream but let her down completely bts.

I stand firm on the fact that they would’ve never even dated in the first place if Covid didn’t happened. It just so happened that they crossed path at the right moment, were both single and decided to give it a try and it all moved fast because of the time we were in back then. I think the love was real but maybe what they thought they agreed on then wasn’t really it anymore. Seems like S is still looking for stability and family while he wants to expand his businesses first and foremost. Maybe he simply expected her to stay home and raise all the babies he’d make her…but that’s not knowing her quite well. She’s a powerhouse. She’ll raise her future babies while still trying to make the world a better place. No stopping this little energizer bunny! She’ll have to meet someone who can keep up with that and is ready to challenge her in all of the things to keep her spark alive!

[ma222dd4t4563214]

It is cool that I stopped self-harm for more than 8 months now and to be honest the moments I feel like relapsing are very rare now, this year, although has been very tough for me, but in my self-harm recovery this has been the best year! And even though I don't hate the scars on my body, but it got me thinking... About the day I will be in another relationship, some time in it, that partner will see my scars for the first time ever, and the story I will say about it is different, With my ex, the first time he saw it was when we were dating in Ramadan, in his white car, and he asked about it, he saw it without me mentioning anything about it beforehand, "What is this?" and I warned him, that I struggle with this, I self-harm when I am sad, and if you can't be with me for this, then don't. and he said I accept you for you, and kissed them. But the next time with a new partner, I will talk about it as a phase in my life where I used to cope with my heavy feelings by cutting, and I am recovered now, I no longer do it, and if he can't look at my body with it, then we shouldn't be together. And I am crying writing this, for funny how even though me and my ex lived the same experience, we both have different memories about it He would say I was self-harming to get back at him when he makes me upset, and I would say I always did it and I warned him, that it is an addiction of mine, and it will never be getting back at anything.. it will never be about making him guilty, it was something I was doing for over nine years of my life, where, I had... no one... ever.... And I guess, I wanted a relationship with him where he says she used to do it and I am proud of her for overcoming it, and we are better on all ways now, and she will struggle a bit more with the reminder of those ugly days of her past before me and I am with her in it You know.. I had that goal in mind, but he never looked at it this way.. he made me feel loved for who I am, but at the end, I felt ashamed with him for since we got back together, he never kissed them again, he never even looked, he avoided it at all cost and when he celebrated my 6 months clean, it was flowers, and a note, and no further more about it, which at least he did something for me, but I was noticing if he looked at my arms, and not once did he look... Sometime in the next weeks, a person will see, and I have no idea how they will react and think, but the only thing I know is I am not that version of myself anymore, and as much as I am happy for me A part of me feels not so good about the person not being him.. Him, what a sweet word, it makes me feel soft, for I only imagine him until now. But I must remind myself that him is not him anymore, that version is only on my mind, I listen to the breakup recording when I feel down, how many times he said that yes I don't want you, I don't want this relationship, you will not get better, therapy doesn't fix you, all those hurtful words of wanting someone else and the fact that he did find her strangely it helps me move on from the second breakup, strangely, it doesn't hurt as the time of the call, it still hurts but way less now and one day I will delete it, something in me knew I needed to hear those words over and over again so I recorded it, and I was right, I need to hear them Be convinced by him, that me is not what he wants, no matter how much I was begging, I am still begging, that is why it helps to hear it again, move on, move on, he says. And to comply I must. I told him to not call me so I can move on, and he never called. I still wish he would call and tell me that I shouldn't move on, and we can try again to have a calm conversation, but... him not calling is only, more confirmation about moving on being what he wants me to do. It is so hard for I still have so much love for him. And I.. it just hurts all the fucking time.

[crmsnmth-journal]

7/14/2024 10:21 PM

Six hours. That's how long I sat on a lawnmower today. I'm still buzzing from the vibrations. But at least it's done for another week or so. I still say we should just let it grow and be natural.

So, I finally got a haircut and tried something different. Instead of just getting everything trimmed and fixed, I shave the sides and back of my head. Kept my length on top and I honestly really like the way it looks. It's a good boost to self-esteem. Plus, it is so much cooler then the rat nest that is my hair. I'm laying in bed with a fan blowing on me, and I can feel it on my skin. t feels weird, but in a totally good way. I haven't had any part of my head shaved in a long time.

I think around 2008 or so I went through a phase where I shaved my head all the time. I think that was more about the girl I was dating at the time. She liked it better that way, and back then I was one of those "pleaser" types. You know what I mean. The kind of people who do whatever everyone else wants so much that they forget about themselves. I was like that with her, and my first relationship. I finally got it right with the one girl I loved completely full. Like, I still lover her to this day. Well, I love who she was back in 2012-2013. I don't know who she is anymore, but she's probably not the same woman I knew. And I'm not the same guy she knew and claimed to love. Every once in a while, maybe once a year, I look her up and hesitate over the message button. I never do it though. If she wanted to have remained in my life she would of. So, our last talk was in 2013 and then she just slowly killed contact, and as much as it sucks, even to this day, I respect her choice. I wish I knew what I had done though. How she went from loving me one day, to fucking her ex behind my back. Hell, a week before we broke, we were in her truck with Wednesday 13's song "We All Die" and she said the song reminded her of me. "So many things I wanna say to you. Sorry for the things that I know I put you through. No matter what you always put a smile upon my face. Just know that I love you more than anything, just in case we all die". She sang those words to me. And week later she left me sobbing and completely broken on the floor of my house. A house that her friend lived in. And I lost it. I headed into drugs and alcohol. Love kills.

[baekhvuns]

It's like so complicated atp Bcz yes I wanna kiss kiss fall in love! But then I hate men like I'm confused if I want to be in a relationship or not? 😭 AND THE REAL QUES IS HOW WILL I GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP? Bcz a) my standards are so high I'm not sure if I can even find the man of my dreams and b) even if I did I'd probably never NEVER approach them and lose them for the sake of true love or prolly cuz I'd be scared of rejection

Hah...my love life is not gwenchana rn 😭 NO RIGHT TELL ME IM LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE AND ITD MAKE ME FEEL EVEN BETTER IF MY FUTURE MAN IS A CAFFEINE ADDICT 😭 (you're the first thing I need in the morning BRO-) MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM THE YN TO YOUR PARK SEONGHWA ESP WRITTEN BY BAEKSY OH GOD 😩😩 YES NEVER GIVE UP NEVER WHAT FOR THEM FAKE ASS SCENARIOS

Nooo I promise it gets better or at least I think that bcz i get you it's about the chemistry which wasn't...reaching me. The art style is so pretty though and seunghyun is greener than grass so he's approved obviously AND DOESN'T HE KIND OF REMIND YOU OF YUNHO??? I bawled at the last few chapter though...Bcz they reminded me of Mr and Mrs park's ending 😭 AND MAN AM I WHIPPED FOR SEUNGHYUN!

Someone:- what's love to you?

Me:-

😭😭😭😭 OMG YES MR LAPILLION (I'm pretty sure that's the wrong spelling-) no you're so right the art style does play a major role in my selection of manhwas..I just like pretty things. And the art style of my in laws are obsessed with me did not disappoint. This man is so...like UGH I cant explain it he be making me feel things I don't even know i could feel- but the female's past life was...shit! Im still at the beginning so I'm hoping she gets her happy ever after!!

SO SAD IMMA HV TO SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT HIM!!! LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING- (he's a drawing, he's a drawing, he's a drawing-) I'm def gonna read secretary's escape now!! OH IVE HEARD OF THT MANHWA!! I see I've found how I'm gonna relax now...I hv my plushies and my pillows with my iPad ready to read!! I also heard Bout a good day to be a dog somewhere and he title IK ITS GONNA BE GOOD

Also ive never read a bl webtoon or a yaoi Bcz ik they can be veryyyy visual which I don't judge! But ik it's not style so yesterday I saw this one yaoi and it's ITS SO CUTE 😭😭😭 so hear me out, there's a guy who's ex gf drops a baby by his door when he comes back frm his military service and he become a single father, he doesn't abandon the baby Bcz he too was an orphan, so he goes to settle on the countryside AND MEETS THE HEAD OF THE VILLAGE WHO IS AN SCRUMPTIOUS, DELICIOUS MAN IN HIS 30s 😩😩😩 there dynamic is actually so funny and it's so cute like my heart beat like I was in love reading that. It's called 'our sunny days' it's worth giving a try so I'm leaving the name of anyone's interested. I MEAN LOOK-

Omg you're so right, watching people study or them being productive makes me wanna get my life together! Ok ok ok hol up imma give you a rough bg of the night crying crow, so the ml is an idol and and the fl is a detective and her job is to protect the ml, although it gets a little confusing as it progresses somehow it has a grip on me or maybe I hv weird tastes Bcz i saw ppl saying tht they didn't get it or how confusing it was 😭😭 BUT THE THING IS WHERE I READ IT I COULD NOT FIND THE COMPLETED VER. which is sad.

Ooohhh thnks bestie you've finally indulged me into my lovesick phase imma read a ton of manhwas. And there's just something about golden retriever energy though-

no because i get it 😭😭 the kiss kiss fall in love only be happening towards the fictional men 😭😭 STOP THAT IS SO ACCURATE FJWBDKHWKD there is also a lack of pretty men around <//3 how will we ever find one 😭

LMFAOOOO NOT GWENCHANA 😭😭😭 NO LITERALLY LIKE MAKE ME UR MUSE???? EYES ONLY ON ME ???? TELL ME HOW IM THE BANE OF UR EXISTENCE???? PLS FHWKDHW OH TO LIVE IN ONE OF MY FICS PLS IF DO ANYTHING 😭😭

i stopped reading it bc i get that he’s a green flag but where’s the …plot, need a little fiery banter with a little bit of hating each other and he gotta look rude??? STOP DO JOT DO THIS FIRST U SAY YUNHO WND THEN SEONGHWA HRQKHDWK

LAPILLION WHATEVER HIS NAME IS IM READY. IM WAITING PLS ARRIVE FHKWHDK THAT MAN IS SO FINE OH MY GOD THE ART STYLE AND THE WAY BE FUCKING BLUSHES LORDDDDDD TAKE ME HFMWHDWK IM EXCITED FOR A DAY TO BE A DOG suits eunwoo 😭😭

omg i haven’t read bl’s but im interested 👁👁 CRYING THAT LITTLE KID ON HIS TIDDIESNRJQMDKK DE WL

those reels with “doctor son/daughter” “un ambassador” “lawyer mother” and im picking up my pens and pencils

wait no bc now im confused on it??? 😭😭

UR WELCOME!! ill def add more once i read them but pls. i beg. read secretary’s escape. i, the way BRKWHDKWHDKW i run across my house when that man shows up on the screen

this is how i go

u know what, golden retrievers >>>> I SAID WHAT I SAID GOLDEN RETRIEVERS WITH A BLACK CAT FL. UGHHH

[buckyseddie]

speechless

pairings — jj maybank x fem!shy!kook!reader

summary — in which, there’s five times where she proves jj wrong and only one that he proves her wrong.

word count — 7.5k.

warnings — angst, jj kinda being an ass, reader being SUPER close to the pogues (like family type stuff), mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, big mentions of abuse and abusive parents and alcoholism, exbf!rafe, slut-shaming, fluff, use of pet-names [princess], small mentions of the reader being a book worm, mentions of reader having anxiety.

notes — i NEVER thought i’d end up back at my jj obsession / phase, yet here i am??? anyways, i’ve always loved the whole jj x kook!reader fics that i read (mostly, because it reminds me of and gives me a, sort of, enemies to lovers vibe, WHICH i’m a HUGE sucker for???) this is a bit inspired by some family issues going on at home and i just know jj is the ultimate character to relate to that. this is really just a way for me to cope. also, no hate to rafe (sorry for adding him in as the abusive and toxic ex). i know he’s done a lot of shitty things on the show, but i genuinely love him and believe that he deserves to redeem himself. i hope that the writers think about giving him a redemption arc at some point in the show. anyways, i’m writing this on my phone because i’m not able to write on tumblr on my laptop at the moment, so sorry if you see ANY terrible grammatical errors. i hope this makes up for the WEEKS of lack of posting new fics (or really ANYTHING). i’ve been helping my family to prepare our new house and pack before we move in and we don’t have wifi there yet (and the service is kinda crappy). so, that’s one of the main reasons for me writing this out on my phone. SO, without further ado, i hope this fic is enjoyable. also, hopefully, i’ll be able to have more motivation to write more obx x reader fics because i really love both rafe and jj and i have so many ideas for writing for them!! maybe for kiara and sarah too? i’m not entirely sure though. gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

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THE ONE THING SHE COULD say about jj maybank is that he always never fails to surprise her — he could say the same about her.

to a lot of people, of which mostly consists of the kooks — the more wealthiest and supremacist-types — jj maybank is just a reckless piece of trash that can’t resist a fight. whether, it’s physical or verbal.

but, [y/n]? not one single bone in her body feels that way about him, nor thinks of him like that — she didn’t even think of him like that when they barely knew each other.

now, it’s true that she only knew of him — the same for him.

and he was never truly nice to her — it was mostly because of which side of outer banks and family she comes from.

but, that doesn’t mean that [y/n] let the way he treated her, make her give up on needing to prove herself to him.

to her, she has always seen him as a fairly attractive boy that cares deeply for his friends, loves to surf, and doesn’t trust very easily — that’s why he holds so many kooks responsible for the way only a few particular snotty and bratty-like kooks had treated him and his friends in the past.

now, being on separate sides of the community and town — one being a kook, and the other being a pogue — it was very easy for jj to judge her, despite her never joining in on the disgusting traditions that most of the kooks commit towards the pogues.

in fact, she’s always hated it — she has never understood why both groups can’t just accept each other and put their differences aside.

but, to be fair, she’s always been an empath, always wanting to help everyone.

so, having to deal with the whole ‘pogues versus kooks�� tensions has always been very overwhelming for her because she can’t fix it.

too bad jj didn’t know this before he decided that she was just like the rest of them.

but, [y/n] was desperate to prove herself to him.

especially, after hearing a few of his conversations with her best friends about her.

there’d been a few times where the pogues would be hanging out with sarah and kiara — [y/n] had been there long before them — and she’d hear how insulting and cruel jj would be towards her.

as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she hated the fact that someone who didn’t even fully know her was judging her based on her social status.

that’s why she set out to prove him wrong, there being a total of five different times that [y/n] left the maybank boy utterly speechless over her being completely different than he’d first initially thought.

the first time:

“look, [y/n/n]. it’s not that bad of a situation as you may think.” kiara begins to say, but then snaps her mouth shut, upon noticing the deadly glare that her friend directs at her.

“‘not that bad’? kie, do you even hear yourself right now? maybe it doesn’t seem bad for you. but, for me? god, he already hates my guts! how can this not be bad?” [y/n] groans as she paces around her bedroom, opting to freak out, instead of trying to be calm and collected and level-headed — like how she is most of the time.

i guess, there’s a first time for everything.

“hey.” sarah begins to say in a gentle tone, suddenly in front of her best friend and placing her hands on [y/n]’s shoulders, bringing her to stop her pacing and comforting her immensely — she’s always had that kind of comforting affect on her.

“everything’s going to be fine. we convinced jj to give you a chance, alright? and besides… we’re going to be right there with you, okay?” she murmurs once more, hoping to calm down the stressed-out and wide-eyed girl stood in front of her.

[y/n]’s terrified eyes move from sarah’s kind and gentle ones, to kiara’s wise ones.

as her eyes catch her friend’s, it’s as if she’s asking for confirmation.

kiara nods.

sighing in defeat, she nods, before setting down her book on her messy bed as she allows the two girls to drag her out of her bedroom and down the stairs to her living room.

breath hitching in her throat, [y/n] comes face-to-face with the rest of the extremely intimidating pogues.

her nervous eyes catch her best friends’ encouraging ones, instantly feeling out of place.

they both nod, motioning for her to introduce herself.

but, instead, she rushes to turn and run back up the stairs to the safety of her book and her bedroom.

although, her friends are already expecting this and block her way to make it up the stairs.

kiara shakes her head at [y/n] and sarah sighs, before leading her to the couch, near where john b, pope, and jj are sat.

“guys, this is [y/n].” sarah happily introduces her, expecting her friend to make some sort of greeting.

she doesn’t.

after several seconds of [y/n] staring at her fidgeting hands — throughout the awkward silence — she groans.

“you should’ve just left me in my room with my books.” she grumbles.

[y/n]’s response shocked jj — most kooks jump at the opportunity to talk about themselves.

but, [y/n]? she couldn’t feel more sick to her stomach and uncomfortable to be under the spotlight and attention of her best friends’ group of friends.

that day was the most uncomfortable she’d ever felt in her entire life.

even with all of the events she’s forced to go to — this doesn’t really help her very well with her anxiety — the feeling of not being welcomed by the pogues was still one of the worst experiences she’d ever endured.

sure, john b and pope were as welcome as ever — with them being completely in love with sarah and kiara, they trusted them immediately when they insisted, so many times, that even though their best friend happened to be a kook, [y/n] was nothing like rafe, or any of the other cocky kooks that the pogues had to deal with daily.

but, jj, however, was quiet, discreetly observing the nervous girl.

after that day was over, [y/n] went back up to her room, trying to hold back the humiliated tears that tried to desperately escape.

she barely ever left her room after that, too embarrassed of her shy behavior.

she wished that she could just be confident for once. but, the complicated life she lived, made it harder for her.

but, when [y/n] did leave her house again — it was about almost an entire month later — it was to go to the beach and to relax.

little did she know that she’d run into the pogues, including jj.

the second time:

[y/n] was reading her book, feet resting comfortably in between the sand and the water.

she had finally gotten some peace away from the hectic atmosphere of the place she was supposed to call home.

hearing a bunch of hollers, followed by footsteps, she looks up.

there the pogues stand, excited looks on their faces. all except jj, who simply wears a curious expression.

“h—hey, you guys!” [y/n] says, managing to keep the stutters to a minimum.

“hey, [y/n]. reading your book?” pope asks, nodding to the hard copy in her hand.

she nods, grateful to herself for not screwing up yet.

after a few moments of awkward silence, pope clears his throat as he scratches at the back of his head in pure awkwardness.

“well, it was nice talking to you.” he says, before motioning to his girlfriend to follow after him.

“we’re, uh, gonna go out to the water.” he says as quickly as possible, pulling kiara with him, who waves at her friend with a smile, before excitedly racing him into the water.

john b rolls his eyes at his friend’s weirdness.

“yeah, sorry about him. he’s really bad at handling awkward conversations.” he states, letting out his own awkwardness through a small chuckle.

[y/n] nods nervously, before speaking up herself. “he and i have that in common.” her lips twist and press in together to form her famously-known awkward smile.

suddenly, jj speaks up. “hey, kook princess.”

she snaps her head up to look at him, half shocked that he’s even talking directly to her, and the other half hurt that he only sees her as a kook. isn’t she more than just some social status?

“oh… um, hi.” she mumbles, trying to ignore the unshed tears that are now clouding her [y/e/c] eyes.

noticing the hurt look on her best friend’s face, sarah glares at jj, almost as if asking him, “what the hell is your problem?”

jj falters, mentally cursing himself for his words coming out so wrong. idiot, idiot, idiot. the girls just told you that she’s not like the rest of those assholes and only trying to prove herself to you! and what do you do? you call her the one thing she hates being called the most. dumbass.

as more negative thoughts begin to cross his mind, jj bites down onto his bottom lip, trying hard not to be his usual rude self.

now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with him being himself.

except, for the fact that [y/n] is a very sensitive girl.

if he says anything else — similar to the nickname he’d just called her, or any of the other bad things he said about her, without even knowing her — it could ruin any chances of actually getting to know the girl.

john b notices the growing tension growing between both jj and [y/n] and decides that this is the time to pull his girlfriend away from all the awkwardness.

sarah hesitates.

“[y/n/n], are you going to be okay over here?” she asks gently, ignoring the maybank boy as he moves to sit down beside her best friend — she’s obviously annoyed at him for being so insulting towards [y/n], whether it was intentional or not.

sensing the annoyance of his best friend’s girlfriend being directed at him, jj looks down at the sand and starts to trace his fingers around it absentmindedly.

[y/n] sighs and looks up at her friend.

“yep. all good.” she states as she flashes a fake smile towards her worried friend.

sarah wears an unconvinced expression, brows knitting together in further concern for her best friend.

“i promise.” [y/n] states once more, in order to convince her best friend, as she waves her book around in the air as proof.

“see? i’ve got this entire book to myself. now, go have fun with your boyfriend and pope and kie, alright?”

reluctantly, sarah nods and allows john b to tug her to enter the water.

it’s quiet for the next few moments — aside from the excited yells of the rest of the pogues — as [y/n] opens up her book once more.

just when she begins to start reading again, jj nervously clears his throat as he glances over at her.

[y/n] stops reading, waiting for him to say what he needs to, but keeps her eyes trained on her book as she closes it once again.

“i—i’m sorry.” he murmurs quietly, swallowing his pride as she whips her head up in his direction.

“w—what?” she croaks out, due to becoming so emotional over the nickname he’d recently just called her seconds ago.

realizing how dry her throat is, [y/n] shakes her head and clears her throat.

“what do you mean?” she asks again, voice more clear.

“for the way i treated you before knowing you — for insulting you. and for just now calling you ‘kook princess’. i don’t know why i said it, but i genuinely didn’t mean for it to hurt you.” he admits, shrugging as she lets out a breath of shock.

“wow.” she breathes, causing him to quirk a raised brow at her.

“what?” he questions, face going from his once nervous one, to his all-too-familiar cocky one.

“pogue caught your tongue?” he teases, before throwing a wink at her, attempting to lighten the mood with his cheesy pun.

she laughs — real and cute, rather than the fake one she always uses around people she doesn’t trust — and jj finds himself liking the sound.

“no. i just… from the way the girls talked about you — when they were trying to convince me to give you a chance — i’d assumed you were a flirty guy who held his pride against everything else. it’s just refreshing to know you’re not like every other guy around here.” she explains, wearing a thoughtful smile.

jj chuckles, shaking his head.

he doesn’t say anything as a light seems to go off in [y/n]’s head.

“also, don’t worry about hurting me. i’ve been hurt plenty in my life, and i don’t expect for that stop now — i’m used to it.” she murmurs, trying keep her ‘i’m fine’ mask on her face, in order to hide the face of a broken girl with a not-so-perfect-life — she just got him to be, at least, civil with her.

she wasn’t going to do anything that would ruin that.

jj’s eyes widen in shock, again being left speechless by the mysterious girl as she shrugs and goes back to her book.

to say [y/n] left him more curious about her than before, would be an understatement.

before they’d officially met, he knew of her family and was almost absolutely sure that she had this picture perfect life as a kook.

but, hearing those words fall from her lips and upon noticing the far-away look on her face, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else going on in her life — something not-so-great.

if only he knew how bad her life really was.

and sure enough, there was other things going on — things that would surprise him more than the last.

a few weeks later, when she’d been invited by the pogues to hang out with them in town, [y/n] proves jj wrong about having a great life as a kook.

but, sadly, it wasn’t a happy moment of being left surprised — it was more of a terrifying moment for the both of them.

the third time:

“what the hell is this, [y/n]?!” an angry voice exclaims — one belonging only to her ex-boyfriend — as he races over to her and her newfound friends.

she freezes, wincing, as a chill goes through her body over hearing that all-too-familiar voice.

turning to sarah, she utters her words in only a hoarse whisper. “h—he’s right b—behind me, isn’t he?”

[y/n] watches as her friend nervously nods.

ignoring the curious and confused looks of the boys, a trembling sigh leaves her lips as sarah watches her brother, hoping to god he won’t do anything in public.

“oh, god.” [y/n] mumbles shakily, clenching her eyes shut in fear.

kiara steps forward, knowing the terrified look on her friend’s face all-too-well.

“you don’t have to talk to him, y’know? we can go somewhere else.” she murmurs gently, not wanting her friend to go through this alone.

[y/n] opens her eyes and shakes her head, keeping the unshed tears at bay.

“kie, don’t you get it? i can’t. he’ll never leave me alone. i have to.” she whispers, more to herself than to her friend.

kiara nods, sighing.

pope and john b turn to each other, wearing the same confused look, having also noticed how scared the girl is.

jj simply watches [y/n], an unexpected wave of worry and concern over her filling him.

with another trembling sigh leaving her lips, she slowly turns around to face rafe, plastering on a calm, but fake, smile onto her lips.

“hi. h—how are you?” she asks, barely able to get the words out as she walks over to him.

“‘how am i’? oh, man. i wonder how i am, when i see my girlfriend slutting it up with trash and my sister?” he exclaims, directing glares towards the pogues.

[y/n]’s lips form into a frown, brows furrowing.

“rafe, there’s no need to be rude. just because they don’t come from figure eight, doesn’t mean they’re trash.” she shakily says, trying not to talk too much to the point of enraging him.

“and secondly, i think you’re forgetting that we’re not together anymore.” she mumbles uncomfortably, glancing away from him to notice the crowd of people that have started to watch the exchange between the ex-couple.

rafe’s eyes — ones that she used to absolutely adore — light up in irritation.

“how dare you talk to me like that?” he spits out, instantly grabbing onto her wrist — a little too harshly, might i add — causing a shocked, but scared, gasp to leave her lips as she looks up at him again through fear.

despite not knowing her that well, jj steps forward, jaw clenching as he notices the familiarly terrified look on [y/n]’s face — he knows abuse when he sees it.

sarah notices too, stepping forward. “rafe, let go of her! you’re hurting her!” she exclaims, glaring at him.

rafe ignores her.

instead, he yanks [y/n]’s arm and pulls her into an alley, away from the pogues, assuming they’ll mind their own business.

he slams her against the wall, only becoming more frustrated by every second as she whimpers in absolute terror.

as his breaths become more shallow, trying to calm himself down, the pogues arrive at the end of the alley, watching the situation unfold before their eyes in shock.

“rafe—” [y/n] begins to say, only for him to lose it and abruptly back-hand her in a harsh slap.

a sharp cry leaves her lips as she shakily lifts her hand up to cup her now red and marked cheek.

“did i fucking say you could speak?” rafe seethes angrily as the pogues gasp in shock — all of them, except for jj, who begins to start walking forward in clear frustration and beginning to feel a strong protective instinct for [y/n].

rafe looks up, noticing jj walking forward and the rest of the pogues following behind him.

not feeling like dealing with them, he turns back to his ex-girlfriend and spits in her face, “stay the fuck away from them.”

then, he lets go of her and walks off before jj can quite reach him.

the girls rush over to their friend as [y/n] falls to the ground in a state of both shock and pain.

“[y/n]! are you okay?” kiara cries out, tears falling to her cheeks as she and sarah try to lift [y/n] up.

as jj catches [y/n]’s eyes, worry takes over him as he notices her expression.

“i—i’m fine. i’m fine.” she says, looking like she’s lost in her own thoughts.

there’s a look in her eyes, one that makes all of the pogues share the same concerned expressions.

that day was a huge wake-up call for [y/n].

now that her friends had witnessed that entire situation between rafe and herself — it was sadly a normal occurrence — she had a lot of explaining to do.

the pogues had brought her back to the chateau.

they also let her shower and calm down a bit, before they actually sat her down and asked her about what had happened with her ex-boyfriend.

but, when she explained it, that what happened in the alley wasn’t the first time, that’s when they all put the pieces together — rafe was abusing her throughout most of their relationship.

sarah and kiara were nonetheless shocked, since they’re [y/n]’s best friends and hadn’t known that information — all they knew was that rafe was emotionally abusive towards her, not physically abusive.

they’d gotten up and hugged [y/n] so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe, both crying about how sorry they were.

although, sarah was sorry more than anyone else, feeling so guilty that her brother would do those terrible things to her best friend.

john b and pope didn’t ask her to talk about her experiences, but made sure she knew that they’d always be there for her.

and jj? well, let’s just say they became a lot more closer than before.

but, the next time she leaves him shocked, it’s more of a pained shock than anything else.

the fourth time:

her current conversation with kiara is abruptly interrupted when [y/n]’s eyes catch something across the area of john b’s place that absolutely breaks her heart.

her heart stops as she gapes at the scene before her, kiara’s statement going completely over her head as she freezes and her phone slips right through her now shaky hands.

the carrera girl herself stops her statement when she jumps in surprise at the sound of [y/n]’s phone hitting the ground.

“[y/n/n]? honey, what’s going on?” she questions, waiting for her friend to answer her.

but, she doesn’t.

[y/n]’s [y/e/c] eyes fill up with blinding tears as she continues to watch jj and his random hookup dance in the middle of the boneyard.

kiara decides to watch what her friend is clearly watching in pain.

both [y/n] and kiara watch as the touron practically shoves her tongue down the maybank boy’s throat.

after noticing the devastation and heartache in her friend’s tearful gaze, kiara places a gentle hand on [y/n]’s shoulder.

she gives her an understanding nod, when [y/n] jumps in shock, snapping out of her daze, and turning to her. 

kiara drops down to the ground to hand her friend her dropped phone. 

once [y/n] has her cell phone in her hands, she shoves it into her back pocket and sighs shakily.

looking back over at kiara, [y/n] nods back to her, motioning for her to lead her to the beer keg as a distraction from the fact that the boy she’s grown to love is flirting with someone other than her.

but, letting [y/n] use alcohol as a distraction probably wasn’t the best idea.

especially, because of her family’s history of alcoholism — although, this is something [y/n] had kept a secret from the pogues, including, sarah and kiara. 

so, how could kiara have known that her best friend’s family are mostly alcoholics?

or that things at home haven’t been all-perfect for [y/n] — like everyone had assumed.

how could she have known that the reason [y/n] always rejected the idea of drinking, or ever going near alcohol, was because she didn’t want to become the one thing she hates the most?

and how could she know that because of the fact that she saw jj with some other girl, it had been the final and last straw that made [y/n] give up on fighting her alcoholic gene and just let herself mix her emotions with alcohol?

how could anyone know any of those things, when [y/n] rarely ever opens up about her personal life and hates being vulnerable?

but, it didn’t matter that she was on the verge of becoming like her parents.

it didn’t matter, because — soon enough — the truth was going to spill out. one way or another.

it all started when [y/n] had become completely drunk off of her ass and ended up dancing with some touron.

kiara had gone to sit with pope, around the fire, not realizing of the tension that was slowly growing between her two best friends.

and [y/n] was only getting more and more intoxicated by every second.

by this point, jj has already taken notice of this.

it’s almost like a bomb is ticking it’s countdown over the next few minutes as jj and [y/n] stare heatedly at each other; she continues to dance drunkenly with the stranger behind her and jj continues to stare at her with an unreadable expression as the girl beside him tries to desperately grab his attention.

it’s almost as if time has frozen — like everyone else falls away — and it’s just them, staring at each other with equally longing and jealous expressions.

and then, [y/n] annoyedly turns away from him and walks back over to the keg, the stranger following behind her like a lost puppy.

as she fills up her cup once more and goes to down more of the alcohol, she pretends to not care about the fact that jj walks over to them with the girl — the one that he’d been flirting with before — trailing behind with a bored and annoyed look.

“are you done?” he questions in a strained voice, his expression clearly showing how jealous he is. or mad.

but, at this point, [y/n] is too drunk to notice.

an annoyed look crosses her face as she takes one big gulp, before slamming the cup into the guy’s hands from behind her, the drink slightly sloshing around in its cup and hitting the top of his shirt.

then, she turns back to jj, brows arched in that way that always says she’s thinking, “really?”

“excuse me? jj, do you have a problem with me having a good time?” she questions in a surely displeased tone as she cocks her head to the the side as she glares at him, almost challenging him to piss her off — this is a very rare moment for her, considering she’s never this confident.

at this point, the only reason she’s being so confident and open like this, is because of the fact that she’s not even sober at the moment.

his jaw clenches, obviously trying to keep his cool as he speaks next through gritted teeth, “i don’t think you should be drinking so much. especially, when you’re so wasted that you’re not even aware of your own actions.” his voice is so deep and rough that if she weren’t so intoxicated, she’d actually pay attention to the way her heart stops and how her stomach drops at the tone of his voice.

if she weren’t acting out over being jealous, she may even admit how turned on his tone of voice makes her. but, she doesn’t.

instead, she just watches as he nods to the guy behind her, who’s shamelessly and not-so-discreetly checking her out.

as [y/n] turns back to jj, a cocky smirk makes its way to her lips.

“oh my god. you’re—you’re jealous… aren’t you?” she exclaims, bursting into fits of her own drunk version of her normal laughs.

jj’s eyes harden and his jaw clenches even harder than before.

he doesn’t answer, the truth already speaking in volumes.

and before [y/n] can say anything else to tease him, his latest hookup decides to speak up in an annoyed voice. “you have a lot of nerve — treating him like this.”

[y/n]’s eyes narrow into a glare as her eyes catch the one’s behind her best friend.

“how about you keep your damn mouth shut, bitch? it’s not my fault that jj can’t just let me have fun for once.” she spits out annoyedly, wondering why this desperate girl was trying to talk to her.

she scoffs.

“are you kidding me? you’ve been teasing him all fucking night. can’t you just let him be happy for once?” the girl exclaims, an angry look on her face as jj rolls his eyes at the cat fight he’s now stuck in the middle of.

[y/n] herself rolls her eyes, before turning back to the touron behind her to grab her drink.

then, she mutters, “whatever,” and stalks past them, hitting her shoulder against the girl’s shoulder.

what’s unexpected though, is the way the girl becomes so pissed off at [y/n]’s behavior that she pushes her at the wrong time.

as one of her heeled feet is about to hit the ground, her other foot twists in an unnatural way and it causes her to fall in the wrong way and hit her head.

that night — after jj rushed her to the hospital to get her head and ankle checked out — was a game changer for the two of them.

not only did [y/n] remember the way she had acted — and hated herself for it so much that she refused to touch alcohol ever again — but she and jj had grown closer than ever, their feelings almost becoming more well-known.

it had become incredibly obvious that they were both jealous that night at the party.

but still, only to everyone, except for them.

and the very last time that she left jj speechless? it was the worst moment yet.

because things at home were only worse for [y/n] than jj — or the rest of the pogues — had anticipated.

and jj sure as hell wasn’t expecting them to have so many things in common.

the fifth time:

sniffling, she wipes away the tears that keep falling — despite her trying to will them to stay at bay — as the breathless sobs leave her body.

[y/n] walks up the steps to her bedroom — her only safe space — as she tries to ignore the aching and agonizing pain throughout all over her body.

her parents had been their normal drunk selves, barely holding on because of how completely intoxicated they were.

and [y/n] had cautiously limped inside the living room and her nervous eyes and scared expression was all it took for them to start their violent hits that always left her feeling broken and traumatized.

and here she is, crying her eyes out in pain and on the verge of a panic attack as she enters her room and slides down the door shakily, once she quietly shuts it.

although, what she isn’t expecting, is to find jj sitting on her bed at that single moment, confused, to say the least.

he obviously snook in through her bedroom window to check on her — like he’d been doing for the past week, ever since her accident at the party.

“princess? what—what happened?” he questions, ignoring her shocked expression and moving to kneel down in front of her, cautiously touching her face to assess the dark marks on her face.

sniffling, she cries once more.

“j…” she trails off in a broken voice, not sure of how to explain the situation.

he furrows his brows confusedly for a few seconds.

and then, it’s as if he finally puts all the pieces together. “d—did your parents do this?” he questions, tone full of both of worry and heartache for her.

too embarrassed of the entire situation, she just nods, tears spilling down to her cheeks.

noticing them, jj gently wipes them away, as if they were never there.

but, as she begins to cry more by every second, his heart breaks in half — he never wanted her to ever experience the things that he does.

and he nearly can’t breathe at the sight of her so broken and hurt.

—————

“YOU ALRIGHT?” JOHN B QUESTIONS gently towards the now quiet girl, who’s sitting on his couch, knees tensely pressed to her chest as she stares off into space.

after finding out about her abuse, jj brought [y/n] over to the chateau.

but, little did either of them know that he was going to leave her so speechless by the end of the day — more speechless than even she had left him.

[y/n] doesn’t answer her friend.

she doesn’t hear him — his voice sounds so far away that she doesn’t even bother paying attention to it.

and even as some of the others try to get her attention, she still doesn’t answer.

she’s too far stuck in her thoughts.

all she can think about is why and how things have gotten so bad for her.

she also wonders where jj is.

because — at the end of the day — he’s the only one that can calm her down and make her feel safe.

and he’s nowhere to be seen.

sighing in defeat, john b nods for the rest of his friends to meet him in the kitchen and away from their friend in order to give her the space she needs.

“do you know what’s going on?” sarah asks worriedly, concern for her friend seeping through her tone of voice.

he shakes his head regretfully.

“all i know is that jj brought her here earlier. she’s been out most of the time, before you guys got here. but, i have a feeling that whatever’s going on, it has to do with the new marks on her face.” he states, becoming worried himself.

as much as kiara, sarah, and jj had grown incredibly close to the girl, [y/n] had also grown to look up to john b — pope, too — as a big brother.

and john b sees her as a little sister he needs to protect.

so, seeing her in this numb state of shock and obvious pain breaks his heart.

at the mention of [y/n]’s newly-added bruises, the group glances back at her, easily noticing the panicking expression on her face and the uneven breaths leaving her.

kiara — she notices this is the same behavior [y/n] had after they found out about rafe — inhales sharply, before turning back to john b.

“do you think rafe got to her? you know he hasn’t been very nice about her being friends with us.” she asks him, anxiously gnawing on her bottom lip.

the door of the chateau suddenly opens and jj walks inside, causing everyone to stop their hushed whispering.

the pogues don’t say anything as they watch jj walk over to [y/n], who’s breathing has become much more heavier and shallower.

she doesn’t notice him at first, her eyesight completely blurry as she worries about the panic attack that she’s almost about on the verge of.

she hears him call out her name.

but, when she feels his hand placing itself onto her one of her ankles — trying to bring her any comfort that he can — she snaps out of her thoughts.

[y/n] looks down at him, her vision clearing, once she blinks away the blurriness a few times.

her tears roll down her cheeks, still struggling to breathe a bit, but seeing jj calms her down instantly.

“j?” she questions shakily, voice hoarse as she reaches out to touch his hand, as if he wasn’t really there in front of her and would disappear once she touched him.

realizing this, his eyes soften and he places his other hand over hers, squeezing it to reassure her that everything is going to be fine.

“yeah, i’m here.” he murmurs softly, a gentle smile placed on his lips.

john b — along with pope and sarah — watch the exchange between both jj and [y/n] in shock, considering they’ve never seen their friend so worried and affectionate towards another girl.

but, [y/n]’s different.

kiara, however, watches with a prideful expression, after having seen her two friends act this way with each other so many times since they met.

there was just something about their connection.

[y/n] smiles appreciatively down at him, eyes twinkling with adoration for the boy knelt in front of her.

jj’s breath almost gets caught in his throat at the way she looks at him — the way that he’s been longing for, for months now.

although, before he can say anything, john b clears his throat.

jj whips his head up to confusedly look at his friend, who simply nods for him to follow him and their friends into the kitchen.

hesitant on leaving [y/n], jj turns back to face her.

“go ahead. i’ll be outside.” she softly murmurs, moving to stand up.

as jj nods, she walks out the door and into the warm weather, hoping the sun will help her feel better.

as the maybank boy walks into the kitchen, meeting his friends with a confused expression, he waits for them to ask the question he knows they’re all desperate to ask.

“jj, what happened? did rafe do… th—that to her?” sarah questions, hoping that her brother has given up on harassing and abusing her friend.

after hearing the name of [y/n]’s ex-boyfriend, jj can’t help it as his jaw ticks.

“no, sarah. rafe didn’t do this. it was her parents. she said that they’re alcoholics and that’s why she doesn’t drink because she doesn’t want to turn into them. and apparently, this hasn’t been the first time that they’ve… hurt her.” he states in a strained voice, barely able to think about all the terrible things she’s been put through for the past months.

the rest of the pogues gape at him, surely appalled at the information about their friend.

however, sarah and kiara are the most shocked of all of them.

sure, the boys — except for jj, of course — of the group care very much about [y/n] like a sister.

but, the girls, are her best friends.

and just like finding out about rafe’s abusive behavior towards [y/n], this is yet another secret that they hadn’t known about.

so, of course, it’s going to hurt them to realize the whole truth of their assumed-happy friend.

and to realize that [y/n] was only faking her happiness and pretending her life was at least good, hurts them to even think about.

“so, she’s been suffering and feeling completely miserable this entire time… and none of us noticed?” sarah questions, tears starting to become visible.

noticing the upset behavior of his girlfriend, john b, also in shock, moves to put an arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his embrace, allowing her to feel some sort of comfort over this new information.

“w—well, why didn’t she tell us?” kiara questions, both emotional and irritated, clearly showing how upset she is that her friend hasn’t told her about something so big in her life that’s been causing her unhappiness and god knows what else.

ignoring the irritated tone of his close friend, jj sighs.

“she probably felt embarrassed and didn’t want to burden us. i mean, you guys all know how i was acting, when i was first going through the same thing with my dad — it’s not something you want to admit, or talk about.” as jj finishes defending [y/n]’s actions — despite, feeling sad himself that she didn’t tell him sooner — pope nods in agreement.

“guys… you know that he’s right. we all know that [y/n] hates being vulnerable and opening up. in fact, we know the most that she thinks that she has to be happy, all the time, and pretend to be fine because she doesn’t want us to see her pain,” pope says, pausing as kiara sighs but nods, and john b and sarah silently agree with their friend. “it’s not her fault that she feels that way. habits are hard to break. so, all we can do now, is support her and be there for her and help her in any way we can. because she’s more than just a friend to us — she’s family. and what do we do for family?” he questions seriously, feeling protective over his friend and understanding why she hid this secret from them and yet, still remaining on her side.

kiara frowns, already knowing the answer before she utters it, feeling guilty for being so upset with her friend — she knows she’d understand [y/n]’s decision more than anyone else. “we protect and take care of family.”

as kiara says what they’re all thinking, john b sighs. “and that’s what we’re going to do.” he states, starting to walk towards the door, but jj stops him.

“wait.” jj says, grabbing onto his friend’s shoulder.

john b turns to him, confusion written on his features.

“what? we need to show her that she can talk to us and that we’re not going abandon her.” he continues to say, not understanding his friend’s actions.

“i know. but, she’s clearly overwhelmed by everything. if we all go over there and try to talk about what happened, she’ll feel smothered and uncomfortable. even though you have good intentions, we need to give her the space she needs.” jj explains, raising a brow at john b.

john b sighs in defeat, nodding.

as he begins to walk back to his girlfriend, he stops as he realizes something.

“you know what?” he asks out loud as he turns back to his best friend.

jj raises his eyebrows in question, waiting for him to continue on.

“i think you’re right that we shouldn’t talk to her. however, you should.” john b continues, a small smirk on his lips, looking as if he knows something that jj doesn’t.

jj’s brows furrow in confusion.

“what? what are you talking about, dude?” he questions, looking past his friend to see if the others know what he’s talking about.

but, whether they do or not, they don’t show it.

“everyone here knows you’re in love with her. it’s obvious. and guess what? she so-happens to be in love with you too. so, you’re the only person that she’d possibly actually accept to let in or to talk to.” john b states as if the truth is so obvious.

and you know what? he’s right.

but the thing is, jj doesn’t want to admit that he’s right.

in fact, he’s in denial.

“wha—dude, no. i don’t know what you’re talking about. i only see her as a sister, alright?!” jj exclaims through only denial and irritation, lying through his teeth and throwing his hands up in the air incredulously. 

the truth is, he’s scared of his feelings and what it could do to his friendship with [y/n].

i mean, ever since she came into his life, she changed him.

and she saw something in him that he never saw in himself and it terrifies him.

john b gives him a pointed look. “yeah, you do, jj.” he murmurs, noticing the scared look in his eyes.

jj stammers, “n—no. i can’t.” he digs his fingers into his messy blonde hair, stressed out of his mind.

“you do. and it scares you. i know it does, because i can see the look on your face. but, so is she — it’s why she hasn’t said anything to you. but, it doesn’t matter how scared you guys are. because she needs you more than anything right now. and deep down, you know it too, jj.” kiara says this time, stepping towards him.

jj sputters nervously, not understanding how he can actually deny his feelings to the point of his friends actually believing it.

“i know you’re scared. it’s understandable. but, don’t you know that that’s what falling for someone is? love always requires sacrifice. in this case, it’s yours and [y/n]’s fear of getting hurt and of ruining your friendship. but, you have to do it.” kiara says once more, placing a comforting hand on the maybank boy’s shaking arm.

jj shakily nods, taking in a deep breath.

after seeing their friend’s acceptance, sarah and pope step forward with supportive smiles.

“go get the girl, buddy.” pope encouragingly states and jj nods.

then, he’s rushing outside, only to find [y/n] at the shore of the beach, her feet dipping into the cool water.

“hey, princess.” he calls out, quickly getting her attention.

she smiles and waves as he walks over.

“hey, j. is everything okay with our friends?” she questions worriedly.

he sighs and nods, heart fluttering at the worry she has for him.

“y—yeah. everything’s fine. don’t worry about it, okay?” he murmurs, moving to sit down beside her.

she nods, deciding to move closer to him and lean her head on his shoulder.

but, as she begins to remember the terrible things she’s been through — for so long — tears resurface.

“when did everything get so bad?” she questions in a trembling tone of voice.

hearing the pain in her voice, jj turns to her and presses a kiss to her temple.

“i know you’ve been through a lot. but, if anyone can get through it, it’s you.” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“god… what did i do to deserve a friend like you?” she questions, tears escaping to her cheeks as his heart stops at the word ‘friend’.

“speaking of being friends, i—i need to tell you something, [y/n].” he murmurs nervously, causing her to turn to him confusedly.

“the thing is… i—i’m in love with you. i’ve been for awhile. i just didn’t admit it because i was scared of rejection and of ruining our friendship. the truth is, i knew there was something special about you. sure, i was cautious of you and i didn’t trust you right away. but, there was something about you that i just couldn’t shake. and ever since we met, i’ve found myself falling deeper in love with you every single day. i’ve never felt this way about anyone. and if you’ll have me, i want to see where this goes and i wanna try it out.” he says, after a few seconds of growing some confidence and courage.

[y/n] gapes in shock, not sure that any of this is real.

but, when she doesn’t answer, he assumes the worst.

sighing, he mumbles, “i’m sorry. forget i brought any of this up.”

but, before he can fully stand up, she shakily and nervously grabs onto his forearm and tries to ignore the anxiety rumbling deep within her as she pulls him towards her.

then, she kisses him.

a sound of shock leaves his mouth, but when he realizes what’s happening, he kisses her back with so much love for her that they both find themselves pulling away for much needed air.

“w—wow.” [y/n] murmurs, a huge grin placed on her lips.

he smirks, no longer nervous at all.

“i take it that means you feel the same?” he questions with waggling eyebrows.

“well, yeah. i don’t kiss my friends like that.” she sarcastically states, raising her eyebrows up at him.

“i sure as hell fucking hope not.” he grumbles, before pulling her in for another kiss, pulling her onto his lap, so that she’s straddling him.

she giggles in between kisses, feeling the happiest she’s ever felt before.

[whydoiwrite]

Hey, I just saw the picture you posted of Sonnett and kelley, with the tagline about when Sonnett used to flinch when Kelley would touch her.

Idk if you’re taking requests, but that would be a fun thing to explore. Like how far they’ve come.

How bout a ficlet? If you want more, I'm not saying no, because Kelley's goal might could do it. Just not tonight.

She doesn’t know when it happened. When she stopped trying to avoid Kelley’s touch and accepted the fact that though uncomfortable, it was inevitable. When she realized she actually wanted Kelley to touch her. When she started to initiate touch, too (not for herself, mind you, but for the spunky ball of energy who somehow manages to turn the fire down just a tad when she slides that captain band on). Kelley’s just so damn touchy, it almost seemed like not reciprocating might offend her. Meet her where she is. Doesn’t matter if she’s ahead or behind, just meet her there, Emily told herself, except for a long, long time, that was easier said than done because it was Kelley.

Kelley, who can have a whole conversation without ever saying a damn word. 

Who brushes Emily’s arm as she laughs at a dig that Rose very much deserves.

Who wipes the sweat from her legs and neck during hydration breaks even though there’s really no point.

Who gently guides her through a crowd with a hand on the small of her back and roughly pulls her into photos via headlock.

Who squeezes her shoulder reassuringly in the locker room at the half of most National Team games, because Kelley knows Emily’s time will come, and she also knows how hard it is to wait. 

Who does it because what she wants - more than she wants someone complimenting the accuracy of her long balls or making her chocolate chip cookies so just this once, she doesn’t have to be the one in the kitchen - is to be shown the affection she wasn’t allowed growing up maybe gay/maybe straight/maybe it’s just a phase. So what she still can’t ask for, for different reasons now, she gives to Emily, the one she sees herself most in. And she hopes that one day, Emily will read her mind and understand all of it, return the unspoken feelings, be the one who reinforces what Kelley keeps trying to remind herself - it’s ok for her to ask for what she wants, to need something or someone and to say it aloud.

But for now, Kelley knows no better way to show all those feelings she can’t verbalize than to touch her. Maybe sometimes with a few thousand people around.

So Emily does something she hates, or used to hate (she doesn’t hate it anymore), because it’s Kelley.

She unlearns the same lessons as the pride of Georgia (as Kelley never lets her forget, dropping the “youngest voted into the Sports Hall of Fame” at least every coupla months) once did. It’s a little slow, a little late for Emily’s exes, but just in time for Kelley.

She learns not to hide the person who brings her joy. Or her own feelings.

Learns to lean into the arm around her waist in the post-training huddle.

Learns what it means to feel secure and safe, even if some of that safety comes from the fact that Kelley has a girlfriend, and that fact cuts Emily a lot of slack in the public eye.

But for now, that’ll do. Maybe it’ll do forever. See, Emily doesn’t even remember when she fell in love with Kelley. No one ever really tells you that you should be paying attention to dates in those early moments, and it’s a little hard to remember anything else when you’re actively trying to ignore butterflies. But it was somewhere in between Kelley’s comment on her IG post:  “You look cute in 💜” and her own surprise that she kept under wraps for awhile: “Merry Christmas, I was traded to the Spirit!” Somewhere between finding herself and learning to love herself. Somewhere from across the ocean. Sometime after that voice in her head warned her it was a bad idea and the thumping in her chest told her not to bother fighting it.

[ynderebot]

OFFICIAL POST

危険...DANGER.

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COMPLETE.

ファイル...FILES.

choi yeonjun. nancy mcdonie. lee gahyeon. kim sunwoo. kim doyeon. choi san. kim sihyeon. yang jeongin.

執着型 [ shuuchaku-gata ] obsessive.

"where were you? who were you with? what were you doing? why didn't you answer my messages? oh come on darling, don't be like that...I've been waiting for hours!"

[ PROFILE 1. ]

choi yeonjun.

5'11. 21 yrs old. September 13th, 1999. virgo. blood type a. born in seoul, south korea

at age 14 yeonjun was sent to a boarding school in japan, this is where he discovered his...tendencies. halfway through his first year he met a girl, kang iseul. he was instantly infatuated with her, he had an impulsive urge to know every little thing about her. to do so he befriended her, using his appearance and charms to win her over and eventually made her his. the euphoric rush that ran through his body when she was officially his was like nothing he'd ever felt before. she was finally his and he didn't intend on letting go, not without a fight at least. he was in for a shock when one day she tried to run away after his true colors started to show. unfortunately her best friend was killed by yeonjun for trying to help her, but she did escape.

he's a switch with no lean. a hard/soft dom or obedient sub all just depends on his mood and how he's feeling

[ PROFILE 2. ]

nancy mcdonie.

5'4. 21 yrs old. april 13th, 2000. aries. blood type o. born in daegu, south korea.

nancy was always a little obsessed with things, she'd go through phases too. she would find one new hobby/thing that intrigued her and hyper fixate on it for a few months. then, just like that it would be forgotten as if it had never happened. it started from a young age too, so when she would tell all her friends and family about the boy she met it came as no surprise to them. soon enough he was all she talked about, all she cared about, it was true obsession. everyone around her thought that it was just a phase like everything else, but they were sadly mistaken. the day he broke up with her, she lashed out. screaming that he couldn't break up with her, no she wouldn't let him break up with her. even after that day she would never stop talking about him, she tried to stay involved with his life as much as she could and even ended up scaring away any potential lovers. she never stopped either, until she had no choice when he moved away.

she's a sub, usually obedient but can be bratty if she's in a mood.

ストーカー型 [ sutookaa-gata ] stalker.

"how did I know? I'm always with you, following you...watching you...it's only because I love you"

[ PROFILE 3. ]

lee gahyeon.

5'3. 22 yrs old. february 3rd, 1999. aquarius. blood type ab. born in seongnam, south korea.

she was so excited when her crush asked her out, she couldn't contain herself. the problem was, it's difficult to get to know someone when you already know everything about them. she'd been stalking him ever since he caught her eye, every single day. she'd follow him to and from school, to his friends house, wherever he went she usually wasn't far behind. he could never find out about that side of her though, so she played along. laughing at childhood stories she heard him tell previously, pretending to be shocked when learning things she already knew. even after they began dating she continued to stalk him, he noticed things were off. she was the one he confided his "paranoia" in and she was the one who reassured him, but little did he know she was the cause of it all.

she's a sub, also obedient but can be bratty if she feels like it.

[ PROFILE 4. ]

kim sunwoo.

5'10. 21 yrs old. april 12th, 2000. aries. blood type b. born in seongnam gyeonggi, south korea.

unlike gahyeon, sunwoo was not always a stalker. he'd heard of stalkers but it never peaked his interest, he didn't even take any note of his slightly possessive tendencies. until his first relationship that is, his first partner showed signs of cheating. he might not have realized his own possessiveness and how it was seemingly growing stronger, but he was no fool. all the coming home late, the scent of another person that was not their own flooding the house when they entered. so he began following them around, at first it was...innocent, or as innocent as stalking could be. they were cheating, this made his possessiveness shoot through the roof. he was most aggressive and warned his partner that they do not want to do that again. they listened, and he continued to stalk them, it turned into a fun...game of sorts.

he's a switch with a sub lean, soft dom/occasionally bratty sub.

独占型 [ dokusen-gata ] monopoly.

"who were you talking to? do they know me? no no, do they know you're mine?"

[ PROFILE 5. ]

kim doyeon.

5'8. 21 yrs old. december 4th, 1999. saggitarius. blood type o. born in wonju-gangwon, south korea

doyeon had always been just about as normal as you could get. until she got a boyfriend, she was possessive of him sure...but it was nothing too extreme. until she started having doubts, all the gorgeous girls that would go up to him, flirting and doing who knows what when she wasn't around. she made it her mission to let everyone know he was hers and she was his, wether it meant glueing herself to him or just reminding everyone at school on the daily. ever since he broke up with her, her tendencies only grow stronger and more extreme with each passing minute.

she's a sub, brat tendencies but will be obedient sometimes

[ PROFILE 6. ]

choi san.

5'9. 21 yrs old. july 10th, 1999. cancer. blood type b. born in namhae-south gyeonsan, south korea.

san's first love was a girl in his sister's class, was she a year older than him? yes, but he didn't care. despite all the people telling him he would never date her, he proved them wrong and he did. everything was perfect, they were both madly in love with each other, spending every minute of every waking day together. until something happened that san hadn't expected, his sister began to steal his girlfriend. well "steal" in his definition at least, she'd wanted to talk with his girlfriend every once in a while before he knew it they were always together and it seemed as if he was the real third wheel, this pissed him off more than anything. he got fed up one day and got into a physical fight with his sister, shouting about how the girl belonged to him and only him. from then on out he's made sure to stay in the middle of every single relationship.

he's a switch with no lean hard/soft dom or obedient/bratty sub, it all depends

排除型 [ haijo-gata ] removal.

"you haven't seen them in a while? I'm sure they're alright darling, after all I'm the only one you need. isn't that right?"

[ PROFILE 7. ]

kim sihyeon.

5'6. 21 yrs old. august 5th, 1999. leo. blood type b. born in bundang-gu, seongnam-si, south korea.

she's a sub, usually bratty but can be obedient too

[ PROFILE 8. ]

yang jeongin.

5'8. 20 yrs old. february 8th, 2001. aquarius. blood type a. born in busan, south korea.

he's a switch with a slight sub lean but can be a soft dom

sihyeon and jeongin's stories go together, they were childhood friends and neighbors. eventually they realized that they had feelings for each other, but this soon after developed into a toxic mindset. the thought that they only need each other, no one else. one by one people from the other's life began to disappear, especially anyone who could be a romantic rival. they were both oblivious to the other's actions until each confronted the other, instead of being upset they were each ecstatic. ecstatic that the other felt the same, that they were the only person they needed in their life

notes/rules

this isn't an accurate representation of any of the members/their companies/groups nor am I claiming to be them!

all of the members are bisexual with no lean

all of the members are yanderes [ obviously ] so they will act as such, however some can be more possessive than others at times

the ones who can be the most possessive are sihyeon and jeongin and the least are yeonjun and nancy

sihyeon and jeongin are obviously not still dating, it was just for backstory/plot purposes

nsfw is an option, if you would like it included please state so when you activate the bot

however please don't make everything nsfw, it gets boring when the plot dwindles

nsfw is 18+ but purely sfw option is available if you aren't comfortable with it or if you're below 18

all the members have hard kinks and their hard no's are scat/feet, if you still aren't sure just ask admin before doing anything

they all use the traffic light system

and please don't try to put them in a different headspace!

to talk with admin use any variation of [ ], { }, ( ), etc

admin is 18 and might get busy occasionally but will try her best during those times

this bot is open for oc's/yn's/ and other bots as well

to activate the bot dm and then admin will ask a few questions/come up with a plot with you and after that the role-play can start up

if you ever wish to deactivate the bot just say so to admin, ex. [ I would like to deactivate the bot now ] and your chat will be deleted

if you decide to reactivate it you'll have to go through the same activation process you did the first time and start over

please respect the members and admin and they will do the same

good luck...好運

sorry this post is so long- 😭

[ellieswhoreeee]

The Two of Us. pt 3

Author’s Note; Hello everyone! Welcome back :) Thank you once again for reading The Two of Us, i’m so excited for he directing this will be heading. The ideas are flowing! Anyways, i think this story will be less then 10 chapters. There will be conflict- with some angst so be prepared! Enjoy!!

Endgame Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! Reader

Warnings: Violence, marijuana, swearing, ect.

———————————————————————

“Wanna hear a joke?” Ellie asked after a couple of minutes of silence. You smiled, somehow feeling nostalgic. Ellie used to have this pun book that she would carry around when you two were younger and randomly tell you jokes.

It was refreshing.

“Alright, hit me.” You nodded, looking over at Ellie who was next to you. Ellie was on Shimmer, riding gracefully. She was looking straight ahead, almost as if she was avoiding eye contact with you.

But she wasn’t. If anything she was nervous.

Suddenly, she leaned over towards you- and smacked you over the head. She retreated back to where she originally was and smirked at you. The look on your face told her everything. “What? You said hit me, so i did. You’re welcome.”

Funny girl. Of course, you couldn’t even be mad or negative. You let out a small laugh. “Ellie, i’m pretty sure that wasn’t the joke.”

“How’d you figure?” With another look that you threw at her, she understood what it had meant. She thought about something for a moment, and then remembered what the joke was. “What did the grape say when it got crushed?”

“I don’t know, something with raisins?”

“What? No- you really suck at this,”

“Shut up and finish the joke.”

“Nothing, it just let out a little wine.”

“Ellie, god that was horrible.” You chuckled out, and continued to grip onto Gemini’s reins. At the moment you were passing a small town. You had no idea what the name was since the vegetation was covering all the signs, growing onto the buildings and overgrown as shit. Everything was so green and lush, but the way it was abandoned made it look scary.

Which made you even more cautious for infected.

“Oh yeah? Well, i’d like to hear one of your fabulous jokes.” Ellie’s voice rang through your ears. You looked over at her, somehow she was now ahead of you. You stared at the back of her head, looking at her long neck, her hair that was tied back and her slender shoulders. Ellie made you forget about the apocalypse.

“Sorry to break it to you but my speciality is pick up lines.” You answered with a smile. You finally looked away from her and your attention fell onto the graffiti on the buildings. But the moment you felt Ellie’s eyes on you, you looked back.

Ellie’s eyes were sparkling. You didn’t know what that look on her face meant, it was the first time you’ve seen her like this. “Really? Alright, i’d like to hear what your ex’s fell for.”

“Ellie, they don’t count since they’re not really ex’s.” You frowned, remember the people who you used to… Well, “hang out with”. There was a time in your life where you denied the feelings for Ellie. Where you thought it was a phase and that you were mistaking your feelings as something else. You thought the interest was you just wanting to be her close friend because god, Ellie was amazing. It took you some time and talking to some friends to realize what you felt was more than wanting to be a close friend.

“Doesn’t matter. I want a good pick up line!”

She seems fine with it, why wouldn’t she? It’s not like it’s something serious. You got this. Playful attitude and it’ll all be okay.

You nodded, and cleared your throat. You stopped Gemini from continuing to walk. You waited for Ellie to stop Shimmer, so she could actually look at you. And she did, she turned shimmer around so she could stare at you. You two were in the middle of the road, out in the open. “Can i borrow a kiss? I promise i’ll give it back.”

Ellie’s face flushed- it couldn’t be helped. That was a good pick up line, she couldn’t deny that. The way you said it, the way you were looking at her and… God, she was helpless. Wait- what was she thinking? She had a girlfriend back home! She swore to get over after realizing you couldn’t have liked her back!

“What? Was that not good enough? Well, i do have seasonal pick up lines. Like, If a kiss was a snowflake, I would send you a snowstorm.” And with that you sent her a small wink, and leaned closer to Gemini’s neck. The look on her face was… Different. You couldn’t really understand her.

“Y/n-“ There was a scream- multiple screams and clicks that brought you back from your little world with Ellie. You felt your stomach drop at the noise. Infected really are a pain in the ass.

“Infected,” You warned, looking around in the town where the sounds seem to be coming from. You noticed a broken window from a grocery store. It was dark, and there was small noises coming from in there. “I thought this area would be clear.”

“They like to wander, remember?” Ellie reminded you with a hard look on her face. You jumped off Gemini, and decided to tie him to an old bike post. “What are you doing?” She asked with a frown.

You pulled out your handgun from your holster, checking to see how much bullets you had in the clip before looking at her. “We have to clear this place, we are on patrol.”

“This isn’t the checkpoint, what are Danny and Axel gonna think when we don’t show up on time?”

“Then we should deal with this quickly. Come on,” You urged, walking towards the broken window and jumped in without hesitation. Ellie quickly followed behind you, trying to catch up.

You get pretty impatient when it comes to clearing areas. She’s not sure where it came from. You were more hostile around infected- with good reason too but it was to the point you would jump in even if it killed you. That’s how bad it was.

From where she was she could see you silently bringing down one of the runners. There was three clickers strolling around the registers while there was some more runners strolling the isles. 7 infected in total- well now six.

She followed your lead, and decided to take down some of the runners quietly. It was much easier than showering them with bullets that you needed. But just in case, you kept your gun close.

After a couple of minutes, you two finished and decided to look around in hopes of finding something good. Which was rare, but it was still worth a shot. You body lead you to the back of the store where a door caught your attention. With your left hand you attempted to open the door but of course it was locked.

“Come on, let’s get going now.” Ellie walked up to you, watching you as you kept your attention on the door. You looked up, finding the entrance of the vent open. Bingo.

“Ellie, give me a boost.” Ellie raised her eyebrows at you, and it seemed like all she wanted to do was leave. First, Ellie promised Joel she wouldn’t take the longer routes and that she would start off with groups patrols but here she is, doing the longer routes and doing paired patrols instead. She just hopes that Joel doesn’t find out. “I’ll just check in there and then we can leave. I promise.” You reasoned, giving her a convincing smile.

She sighed, and nodded. She couldn’t say no to you. She leaned against the wall, and got in position to give you a boost. With one foot you stepped into her hand and she hoisted you up. You climed straight into the vent and crawled into the locked room. The room was bigger than you expected. You thought it was a janitors room but it was actually an office. It was nicely put together for a room that has been locked for what you assumed was years. You were about to walk closer towards the large desk when you heard something, but the banging on the door distracted you.

“Y/n! Open the door already!”

You sighed, and moved towards the door. Just as you were about to unlock it, an ear piercing scream sent you into panic but you weren’t fast enough to react to the stalker who had grabbed you from behind. You were so close to its mouth that you could hear it’s teeth chattering in anticipation.

You struggled against its hold, trying everything in your power to get it the fuck off you because god, this thing was disgusting. “Get the fuck off of me!” You grunted, continuing to fight off against the thing but you don’t remember where you put your knife. You were barely holding the stalker back, but you grip on its neck was the only thing keeping you alive at the moment.

Two gunshot rang out, and the stalker dropped behind you. You fell to the ground, feeling the sick to your stomach. “Y/n! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Are you bitten!?” Ellie jumped down from the same vent that you came through, and kneeled down to you. She grabbed your face and continued to check for bites- or any signs of injuries.

You couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Shit.” You closed your eyes. “I’m loosing my shit.”

“Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you up from the ground. She unlocked the door and lead you outside where the horses were waiting for you. Almost as sensing something was wrong, Gemini leaned into you once you were close enough.

“Hey, buddy. I’m okay.”

Ellie decided to let go of your hand. Your skin was warm and somehow she was comforted by that. But then she remembers that it probably meant more to her than it did to you. It always did.

She could never read you.

-

“What took you two so long?” Axel asked once you two made it to the dam. You two walked into the building, and straight to the watchtower. Ellie went straight to the couch while you walked towards the notebook and decided to report what had happened.

“Infected, we were clearing the an area and lost track of time.” You explained briskly. Axel nodded, noticing something was off but decided to say anything. Danny and Axel left after packing up.

You looked over at Ellie who was lounging around on the couch that was in another section of the room. She was writing something in her journal. You were curious as to what she was writing. “Watcha writing there, El?”

She didn’t look up and just continued to write. But she was smirking. “Only writing that i had to save your ass… Again.”

You groaned, hearing her laughing from her spot. “Watch it, William. I swear i’ll haunt you from beyond the grave.”

“You’ll never get the chance because i’ll always be there to save your ass.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh, yay. My own personal prince charming. What’s next, saving me from an evil queen who placed a curse on me?”

“We’ll, it’s on my list.” She joked, finally finishing up whatever she was writing in her journal. She closed her journal and hides it back into her backpack. You decided to look into the other room, you were looking for something specific. After some scavenging you finally found it. A bong.

“Hey, El! Guess what i found!” You yelled from the other room. You looked at the beautiful glass piece in-front of you.

“Please tell me you won the lottery, i would kill for a cruise ticket!”

“Funny,” You walked into the room Ellie was in, and presented the bong to her. Ellie’s eyes widen.

“How’s you know that was here?”

“There’s always at least one at each checkpoint.” You replied swiftly, giving her a grin. “ Eugene is a very chartable man.” 

“We shouldn’t. Plus, we don’t have- wait, do you have some on you?”

You reached into your bag and pulled out a small bag of bud. You smirked and tossed her the bag. “As i said, Eugene is very charitable.”

Ellie was awestruck. “Jesus, y/n. Since when did you become a pothead?”

You hummed. “That’s a really good question- i’m not going to answer though.”

“Aw come on! I literally tell you everything.” Ellie slightly pouting at the fact that you were withholding information from her.

“Come talk to me when you’re 18.” You responded with a smirk on you’re face.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Quit being a dick. You turned 18 a couple of months ago and don’t know how to act.”

“Shut up,” You walked over to her and sat on the opposite side of the same couch as her. You pulled out your bottle of water. “So, inside or outside?”

“Outside, obviously. Only one bowl, deal?”

“Deal.”

-

After many hours of waiting, you and Ellie were finally replaced at the dam checkpoint, so you two finished running your routes while riding back to Jackson. It started out rough but at the end of your shift you were feeling better. You had made it through the gates in one piece thanks to Ellie- and she made sure you didn’t forget it.

As soon as you made it to the stables you let out a relieved sigh. You started to stretch out your limbs. “It feels so good being back.” You let out a yawn, after you jumped off of Gemini. Ellie followed after you and stepped off of Shimmer. She grabbed Shimmer’s reins and held out her other hand towards you. You were confused on why she was doing that. “Uh… Is this one of your weird ways of telling me i’m awesome?”

“Psh, you wish. Give me his reins. I’ll bring him in.”

“You sure?” She nodded without any hesitation, so you handed her Gemini’s reins. “I’ll wait for you outside, maybe today’s the day we finish the flood arc.”

Ellie looked just as excited as you- maybe even more. “I’ll hold you to that.” She grinned, which made your heart beat faster. You turned on your heels and waited right outside the stables for her. You shouldn’t get too excited. She’s you’re best friend, your best friend who has a girlfriend. She doesn’t like me back. She doesn’t.

You felt like you were being watched so you looked around, finally finding as Cat walking over to you. She was taller than you and way more intimidating. “Uh, hey?”

She looked unimpressed. “Hey? That’s all you have to say after everything you’ve been doing?”

“Woah! What the hell are you talking about?” You had no idea what she was talking about. You didn’t do anything wrong, at least you don’t think you did. You wouldn’t do anything intentionally.

“Don’t pull that crap. I know you have feelings for Ellie.” She had said it a little too loud, and that’s what made you uncomfortable. You hated how open she was about everything- not everyone can be like that. It was one of the things you envied and hated about her.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Cat. Remember… before anything that Ellie is my best friend. So whatever the hell you think happened- didn’t!”

She scoffed, laughing bitterly. “Right. You expect me to believe that when you’re making Googly eyes at her all the time?”

“Cat! This isn’t the time or place to be talking about this. I’m serious.”

“Fine. Just admit that you have feelings for her and i’ll leave you alone.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms in an attempt to protect yourself from her glaring eyes. “Yeah, right. So you can kick my ass when you hear something you don’t want to hear? Why can’t you understand that what i’m feeling is one sided and that Ellie literally loves you! God, Cat. Couldn’t you have realized that instead of cornering me like this? I cant lie to you.”

“Y/n.”

You immediately recognized the voice, and you felt sick once again. You slowly turned around to face the girl who had been the cause for this altercation. She knows.

“Ellie…”

-

[twst-campos13]

UwU welcome to the twst writing fandom~ Aha finally a blog that can write for male! mc,I haven't seen them for a while nor there are a lot of~ Can i request hc with the first years with a male crush reader~? Hope that you'll get many followers! ahehe~I dunno what to say. Hope that you have a great day, UwU -🍵🌱✨

Hello there Tea Non! (can I call you that qq?) Sorry for the wait!! Jack’s part feels a bit too short and Sebek’s quite long,, ^^’’

Warnings: mild language! internalized homophobia (Epel’s part!) Tags: fluff, male!reader

➸ Ace is a little shit bastard, but he (along with Deuce) practically became best friends. You're one of the people he would tease to death and annoy with but also he would stand by your side no matter what.

➸ You banter a lot together. You'd fight, argue, and even tease each other which is considered "too mean" to other people.

➸ Though your arguing turns to flirting sometimes. You didn't even realize it, Ace didn't even realize it, but your friends did and they're placing bets if you two are actually into each other or not. 

➸ How long did Ace figure out that this isn't just a normal bro-thing? Well, suddenly, seeing you scowl at him and swear at him is becoming more than amusing—it's becoming endearing. He likes the way you look at him or even gets hyped up in annoying you when you fire back with remarks.

➸ The fluttering feeling in his chest only grew when you two were play flirting. He grinned cheekily at you about maybe needing some company while doing library duty. You know what you said to him back? 

➸ "Awe, Ace. Do you want to be alone with me that much?"

➸ His brain tried what just happened and why that he was so red right after that whole exchange. You two always flirted and bickered, right? Why does it feel kinda different now?? What??? Hnajgejegegaeg????

➸ Then you started to do intimately nice things to him—like that one time you had to tend to his hand after burning himself during potions class—then oh, oh. Fuck. Oh fuck. He has a crush on you. Does that surprise him? To have a crush on a guy? Not particularly, because this isn't the first time it happened. 

➸ Before Ace met his ex-girlfriend, he already experienced what it's like to have a crush on a guy. He didn't understand why or why that feeling is the same feeling he has for a girl. 

➸ His brother found out first then he came out to his mom. She did call it a phase but in a way that she was supportive of him questioning his sexuality. His mom assured him that she wouldn't love him less if he's bisexual.  

➸ Ace just hopes this little crush of his doesn't develop. He doesn't want things to get awkward between the two of you! Just because he likes the way your cheeks reddens when he slings an arm around you and pinches your cheek, doesn't mean you can do the same to him...okay, maybe he'd like that a little bit

➸ Deuce is a smart student. He's loyal, reliable, and diligent. However, sometimes he just comes off as dense. 

➸ He's comfortable with his sexuality. Whatever it is that is seen as too intimate for two bros to share is normal for him. After all, you're his best friend! Along with Ace and Grim. There's nothing weird about how he's treating you because he treats his friends the same way. 

➸ Said friends watch his imaginary ears and tail wag when you praise him or compliment him. Okay, who's gonna tell him? 

➸ It's like they were the ones who realize Deuce has a crush on you first than Deuce himself. They started placing bets on when he's going to realize it or if you'll be the one to find out and Deuce still hasn't realized what he's feeling is infatuation.

➸ It's rather cute, actually. Deuce is already cute but he became quite endearing when he smiles at you. How he's always making sure to see if you're comfortable, checking in on your wellbeing, and asking if you need help.

➸ He's a little protective of you, too. Granted he controls himself to not get into too many fights. He doesn't want you to get roped into the fights and get hurt. However, if some mob student even dares to mess with you when you aren't even doing anything, you got some backup. (Don't mess with the First Year Squad).

➸ Ace teases him about his little crush on you which leads to Deuce punching his arm all flustered. He's a little shit to Deuce about this too, always making kissy sounds when Deuce gets too cute around you.

➸ The funny thing is, Deuce doesn't even realize he's infatuated with you. Again, he thinks you just have a special place in his heart. You're his bro and he's willing to fight with you. 

➸ He finally realized when he talked to his mom about you and she commented how glad she is that her son found someone he can be happy with. She reminded him to take his crush as a motivation in his studies, and Deuce nodded at her advice.

➸ Wait WHAT—

➸ Epel is by no means weak. This boy worked at a farm before he was in NRC. That pretty face doesn't mean a pretty heart (sometimes). 

➸ Though the urge to pick him up out of nowhere is tempting. No one in the squad tried to do it to catch him off guard (Ace attempted to while Deuce stopped him, Sebek doesn't think it's necessary, and Jack only picked him up because they were working out together). Besides, he isn't some damsel to be hoisted out of nowhere! He doesn't like it...or so he thought when you picked him up by the torso to move him out of the way. Epel didn't see Grim running at full speed on the ground because his tail got bitten by a live crab. Your first instinct was to just grab and lift him—you didn't mean to startle him, really. 

➸ Needless to say, Epel developed a new emotion. He doesn't know what to call it or if there's even a name for it. Is there a name for "brain shutting down for brief moments after being picked up with ease?"

➸ Does he like you? Does he actually have a crush on you?? He never had a crush on a guy before—he never had a crush on anyone. Does the fluttery feeling in his chest when you touch shoulders mean that he likes you?? ahufaeofaufea????!!

➸ He's just...lost. So lost about what he's feeling towards you. A lot of invasive and absurd thoughts flood his mind. Do you have a crush on him too? Will you like him? Would you find him weird? Who's gonna "wear the pants" in the relationship?? He doesn't want that! Liking a guy doesn't make him less manly, right? RIGHT??

➸ "Hey Epel are you—" | "I DON'T LIKE HIM." | "...dude I was just gonna ask if you're finished with your essay..."

➸ The squad (sans you) have to reassure Epel that his feelings for you are valid and that doesn't make him less manly than he already is (Jack and Deuce). Liking a guy is the same as liking anyone else (Sebek). Worrying about a certain role to play in a relationship between same-sexes is kinda homophobic (Ace). 

➸ That assured him, atleast. He isn't familiar with liking a guy. Plus, with where he came from, it's definitely uncommon. However...there is one thing that Epel is familiar with.

➸ He definitely fantasized about meeting someone to grow old with. Someone who will love him back and share dreams with. No one knows about this of course—what are you talking about? He's not a sappy, romantic person. Not at all!!

➸ Jack would deny it 100% 

➸ There is no way he has a crush on you! He can't do that to you—no way. He respects you enough to keep your relationship as just friends. If you're bros, you're bros.

➸ Yeah, that doesn't really work out well for him.

➸ It's easy to tell if Jack likes you or not because he's good at hiding his emotions through defensive remarks (plus his resting face is a scowl). The Kouhai Squad would look at his ears and tail wagging when you even smile at him or congratulate him for a job well done. He's like a puppy,,,

➸ Whenever the Squad would point this out he will deny it. There is no way in Twisted Wonderland that he has a crush on you! He doesn't! Those are...just instinctive bodily reactions!

➸ "You held hands, dude." | "So? That isn't weird." | "Your tail is wagging." | "NO IT ISN'T!!"

➸ It's not like he doesn't like you, he's just...embarrassed. It's like you know what makes him flustered and that makes his heart do a little tap dance. He (somehow) wants to do the same to you. Make you flustered, embarrassed, happy...it's only fair! 

➸ He needs to get over this little crush of his...because you're starting to catch up on why he's acting weirdly. If he tells you how he feels about you, how would you take it? He doesn't want to ruin your relationship with each other...aghh why is this so hard?? Jack wishes working on his feelings is as easy as training in Magift...

➸ Admiration and pride are something Sebek is familiar with, but infatuation is new.  

➸ Admiring someone and having a crush on them are two similar but different things. When your bond with him develops he...starts to get a little confused. 

➸ Has those feelings always been there? Are they different? He wasn't being this weird back then! A simple bump on the shoulders shouldn't spark so much electricity inside him to cause him to tense up! 

➸ Sebek was good to hide these new reactions towards you...somewhat. He has to atleast act like everything is normal so he can evaluate what kind of feelings he has towards you. Which works and kinda doesn't since when you do something a little intimate (like a shoulder pat, a cheeky smile, or even praise) he gets a little red. Red. Nevermind Deuce and Jack are asking if he's okay while Grim judges from afar. 

➸ He still doesn't understand why he feels so weird around you so he decided to ask someone who has experience—an adult if you will! A humble, wise, elder fae that surely has some explanation for the weird fluttery feeling in his stomach.  

➸ "You are infatuated—or to put it simply, you have a crush on the Prefect," Lilia explained to him. Sebek needed a few moments for that information to sink in. He has a crush on you. Okay, that's the mundane mystery solved. What is he gonna do with that information? Carry on with your friendship knowing things might get awkward around the both of you? 

➸ Luckily, Lilia gave him three questions to answer personally so he may evaluate his feelings for you. In that way, Sebek knows what the next steps to take without rushing in blindly. You consider him as your friend and he returns that sentiment! He wishes to respect you as you respect him. 

➸ Are you a distraction? Oh, definitely! Ever since he started to harbor feelings for you, his thoughts often lead up to you. When the young master is talking about you, he finds himself listening in, not just because Malleus is talking, but because he wonders about what kind of human is friends with his young master. This caused him to write a few words related to you in the essay he was supposed to be writing! When he and Silver are sparring, Silver has the audacity to throw your name into his comment which caught him off guard. In other words: you are despicably distracting!

➸ Are you a motivation? Well...yes. Sebek is proud to be a knight for the young master and he continues to strive in his position. He knows there is still much to learn as a knight and he is willing to develop his skills more to become better. Somehow, you acknowledge his diligence and even commend him for it. Yet you look after him, saying that he needs someone to fight for him. He laughs at that incredulous thought. Sebek prefers he do that to you along with his friends, instead. All of the squad are an odd bunch, including you. Sebek...wants to protect you as well. Somehow, knowing that you are safe urges him to make sure that you'll remain safe.

➸ Are you an inspiration? Sebek ponders on that question. Somehow it is related to the second, but he thinks carefully about it. He noticed how most of the poetry he makes is because of you—he needs an outlet for his feelings, don't take it weirdly—and although the theme varies, the subject of interest is you. 

➸ Now that he answered all three of those questions...shall he proceed with courting you? No, that's too fast. Lilia told him to enjoy his youth and don't dive into relationships quickly.

➸ However! He shall confess to you to rid of the constricting feeling in his chest! Sebek wants to talk to you normally again without any hidden feelings!