#she’s fine btw! thankfully it wasn’t that bad but many other things happened because of that and honestly i didn’t even have time to check

[antibayern]

so we move to LA. my father gets a job at the palm restaurant. my uncle junior works there who was a jehovah’s witness, believe it or not. he went from catholic to jehovah. so basically, my grandmother wanted us all to switch from catholic to jehovah, you know? meanwhile, we’re from harlem, my father’s doing coke, you know? my mother thinks she’s ann margaret, she’s teasing her hair with a bottle of vodka, you know? so dysfunctional, cross-addicted family, still cooking pasta on sundays… um, and uh, and the meatballs, they- they wind up being burnt, you know? it just got so dysfunctional. it got pretty bad

[rainywritingsx]

Scenario: Shoji, Todoroki and Midoriya protecting their very shy s/o

Request: Would you be okay writing about Shoji, Shoto and Izuku protecting a very shy s/o? Maybe someone is mean to them or there's something falling from somewhere. S/o can't stand up to ppl (maybe s/o is also not in the hero course but in u.a.?) thamk so much and have a nice day ~the one you matched with shoji btw lol

oh hi there :D this request is so cute, I hope I did okay with writing it! You didn’t specify whether you wanted  a scenario or headcanon, so I went with scenarios, hope that’s okay. Have fun reading!

xxx Damla

Reminder that as of right now, requests are closed!

Warnings: none :)

words: 2670

If you’d like to give me a small tip, you can buy me a coffee! ^^

Shoji Mezo

As soon as the bell rang, I pretty much jumped out of my seat and left the classroom. Finally, I can leave. This class isn’t particularly my favourite, which is due to the fact that I don’t have any friends here. Most of them, as well as my boyfriend, are in the hero course.

When I arrived at my locker, I was surprised not to find Shoji waiting as usual. Maybe he had to train? Right at that moment my phone beeped. I opened my bag and took it out. Shoji had texted me.

I’m sorry love, I was training in teams with Tokoyami and he got injured. I will be there in 10 minutes

A soft smile spreads across my face. He really is one of the most caring people I know. While I’m not exactly happy to be alone, it’s most likely that some of Shoji’s classmates can be found in the cafeteria, so I will just go there.

I open my locker and quickly take out the books I need after lunch. Luckily there aren’t many, since I only have English and then PE. I close it again and zip up my backpack before making my way to the cafeteria. Luckily it isn’t that far, and the halls are empty.

I look outside out of the large windows. The sun is shining brightly, and it's clear that it’s spring. Many flowers have bloomed, and I see a lot of birds. There are people having their lunch outside, some are even training. Wow, that’s some dedication… My eyes land on Jirou, who is sitting at a table with Yaoyorozu. Our gazes meet and she smiles before patting the spot next to her. Alright, I guess I’ll eat outside too.

I make my way towards the door. It’s pretty heavy, but thankfully I manage to open it. I’m about to run up to the girls, but I freeze when I hear what I think is the door slamming against someone.

“Oi! What the fuck!” I turn around wide eyed, to see someone whom I thought to be a student of my homeroom class. I don’t remember his name, but he has never been very nice to me. Something gives me the idea that I’m in trouble. I gulp and slowly walk backwards on the grass, but soon my back hits a wall.

“I-I’m so-”

“you’re sorry?” he interrupts, taking a step closer to me. I cower slightly. His closeness is making me way too uncomfortable. “Yeah, you better be! Maybe if you stopped daydreaming about your stupid boyfriend from class 1-A you’d actually notice your surroundings.” I’m speechless. A billion thoughts are running through my head. I want to curse at him for talking about Shoji like that, but my body isn’t doing anything. It’s like I’m glued to the brick wall my body is resting against

“You’re gonna pay for-”

“It was an accident.” An indescribable amount of relief comes over me when Shoji stands in front of me. His right hand reaches behind him for mine, and I immediately hold it. It’s only now that I realise my hands had been shaking the whole time, just like my legs. The guy who was almost yelling at me a second ago, now has a smirk on his face but I can tell he’s a little intimidated.

“Still, your partner should look where they’re going.” I can’t see any of their faces, but by his posture I can tell that Shoji remains completely calm and unfazed as usual.

“Okay,” he calmly responds. “I’m sure you’ve given them enough of a scare, so they’ll be more careful in the future. Still, I don’t think it was okay for you to talk to them like that. That wasn’t exactly behaviour fit for a UA student.” he didn’t even comment anymore, but just bowed to us both and apologised, his tone shaky. Before I knew it he was gone. He was all talk, I knew it.

Shoji turns back to me, still holding my hand and I smile. “Thank you, Shoji.” I can see his eyes moving upwards a bit, which shows he’s smiling too.

“No need to thank me. I guess it isn’t always bad to look scary to people.” I can’t help but laugh at that. Shoji’s appearance is something that he’s insecure about, so knowing that he can joke about it a bit makes me happy.

However, I can’t help but feel bad for not being able to have said anything to that guy when he was insulting Shoji. And I was sure he heard it too…

“I’m sorry.” I sigh, looking down in shame. For a moment, there's silence. Then I see Shoji’s feet taking another step closer to me. His other hand grabs mine as well.

“Can you look at me, please?” his tone wasn’t demanding, rude, or angry. He’s calm, it’s a simple request. He gives me the idea that even if I said no it would be fine, but I look at him nonetheless.

“Y/n, I really don’t care that much about people like that. He doesn’t know me, or you. I only care about what you and the other people in my life think. You don’t need to defend me. I know people like that don’t change minds easily.” I have to admit that he’s right. I mean, I don’t even know his name, so why did I care that much?

“Let’s go, I saw you were on your way to Jirou and Yaoyorozu, right? Tokoyami is there too now.”  I nod and Shoji is about to walk, but he stops when he realises I’m still standing. I smile and walk over to him, stand on my toes and kiss his cheeks. A giggle leaves my mouth when I see his eyes have widened. Even though I would usually have the same reaction, today is different.

“Yep, I’m ready now.”

Todoroki Shouto

Of course, as soon as one person found out I’m dating Shoto, the news spread around the school like fire. Of course I notice the glances at me in hallways, the quiet whispers, the way that people approach me now. Some act nicer, but there also some that seem to suddenly dislike me. And I can’t do anything about it.

In theory I can, but I’ve never been able to even tell someone that their tone was rude, or that something was uncalled for. I’ve even been called names sometimes, and when people see my flustered face, they laugh and throw more insults at me.

Despite all this, Shoto isn’t aware. I never told him, and I’m not planning to. He already has enough going on for him and what has been happening to me just seems like a mild inconvenience at this point. It’s times like this where I’m glad that he isn’t the type of person to keep pushing if he wants to know something.

And of course this happens today too, as I’m walking to the hero course department of UA. I can already hear some people snicker at the fact that I’m even here. I ignore it, because as usual, I don’t want to cause a scene.

My eyes scan the hallway. His classroom is supposed to be somewhere here, but where? Idiot, y/n, you had to ask him what class he currently is in. Now I have to check everywhere.

I don’t see any students from 1-A so he definitely has a class right now. At least I know something. I look through the windows in the doors, but every classroom is empty. Why are there even so many classes here? Maybe I can ask a teacher what subject 1-A has right now. Wait, but isn’t that weird? No, they probably know that I’m looking for Shoto.

In my train of thought, I completely forget my surroundings. So it’s no surprise that I bump into someone and fall on the ground. I hiss when my knees graze the floor, but then remember that that was a person that I bumped into. I look up and my eyes widen when I see Monoma from class 1-B. He looks down at me with a smirk and laughs at my confused state.

“Look who’s here. Looking for your boyfriend?” Without thinking, a billion apologies leave my mouth as I place my books that had fallen earlier back into my bag. My knees feel like they’re burning but I’m more worried about what just happened.

“Wow,” Monoma chuckles. I can feel his eyes on me as I finally zip up my bag and get up. “Can’t even walk properly. I knew that the other departments were losers, but this?” My grip on my bag tightens as he speaks.

“Well, at least you’re kinda good-lookingI guess. Still, I would’ve thought someone from 1-A would go for a person who’s way better than you.” In surprise, I lift my head up. Of course the thought of Shoto deserving better has crossed my mind before. He’s the son of the current number one hero, of course people expect someone who’s the opposite of me. I always try to tell myself it’s amazing I even got into UA at all, but at times I cannot help but wonder if it would be better for Shoto to leave me.

“You know it too, don’t you?” Monoma continues. “No need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes. You want to say so much, but you’re way too much of a coward to do it.” he laughs and looks away for a moment.

“That’s why everyone picks on you and your sweet prince charming has no idea. You can’t even stand your ground, how pathetic. Nobody understands what he even sees --” his voice trails of. Monoma moves his head to his side, and his grin widens.

“Ah, there he is, just as I was speaking about him!” I turn around and gasp when I see Shoto walking in our direction. Shit. He saw it all, didn’t he?

“Your prince charming just knows when to save you, huh? I mean, with such a weak significant other, I probably-”

“My classes are done, let’s go y/n.” Todoroki says, completely ignoring Monoma’s presence. He grabs my hand and is about to walk away.

“One more thing.” he says as he turns around and looks at him.

“Y/n is the best partner I could ask for, and if all you care about is what their education is, you are the disappointment here.” he glances back at me and grabs my hand with a small smile. “Let’s go.”

Midoriya Izuku

The silent aura of the library usually brings me at peace, but today, as I’m entering it by myself, I feel uneasy. A part of me feels like everyone’s eyes are burning through me. So, I keep my gaze down and just walk over to a random bookshelf. As I lift my head again and look through some books, I try nonchalantly scanning the library for any sign of my boyfriend, but Izuku is nowhere to be found.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I quickly grab it and see that Izuku texted me.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I had to help Kaminari with something related to Hero Studies. I’ll be there soon. I love you ❤︎.”

He’s too sweet. I text him back, assuring him that it’s okay and put my phone back in my pocket. Maybe I should pick one book and read it until Izuku comes here, or else I’ll be bored doing nothing. Also, I feel like people keep whispering about me here.

Izuku may not be the most popular student of this school, but people definitely know of him. I mean, he’s a class 1-A student, he worked at Nighteye’s agency, and has done more impressive stuff. So obviously, when he gets in a relationship people will talk about it. While I do get it, I also hate the attention it brings. People have been mostly nice to me luckily, so that’s a relief.

I decide to take a seat at a table with only a few people. It’s also close to the entrance door, so Izuku will be able to spot me easily when he gets here. After also placing my bag on the ground, I finally start reading. After what feels like a few minutes, but probably is a lot more, I’m already halfway through the thing.

“Y/n?” a familiar voice whispers. A smile can’t help but grow on my face as I turn my head to find Izuku standing next to me.

“Hi.” I reply. He smiles and kisses me cheek, to which my eyes widen. We’re in public, what is he doing? I quickly cover my face with the manga I was reading earlier, so people don’t see my embarrassed expression. Izuku only giggles softly.

“Babe, there’s almost nobody here.” he reassures me. “and I missed you.” he adds with a small pout. Ugh, I can’t be mad at him when he makes that adorable face.

“O-okay.” I close the manga and get up. “I’ll just put this back, and then we can start studying.” he follows me to the shelf.

“So, how was your day?” I ask as my eyes scan for the right manga series. Izuku starts telling me about his day, making me almost laugh a few times when he mentions some silly moments, like Sero and Kaminari trying to prank Bakugou but only failing and angering him as a result.

“Oh, and we will get to work with the other departments of the school for some projects, I’m really excited about that.” I smile. Yeah, that sounds fun.

“What is it for?”

“Well,” I accidentally bump into the bookshelf behind me and yelp quietly. “Mr Aiza-Y/n careful!” I squeeze my eyes closed, preparing for anything falling on top of me, but I feel nothing. My eyes open again and I look up. Izuku is holding some books that would’ve landed on me if he wasn’t here. His expression shows that he was a little scared, but soon relief takes over.

“I thought something was going to happen to you..” he sighed as he placed the books back on the shelf. I awkwardly stand up straight and fiddle with my fingers, mumbling a soft apology. Of course I had to be stupid and not take in my surroundings

“Hey, it’s okay.” he grabs my hands and smiles. “I’m not upset, I’m just glad you’re alright. Just be a little more careful next time, okay, honey?” I nod, trying to hide how flustered the nickname makes me feel and squeeze his hands softly. I look at his hands, and rub my thumbs over them. There are a few new bruises on there.

“Did you get hurt again?” I ask, examining his knuckles. Izuku chuckles awkwardly.

“I-It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I already went to Recovery Girl for it.” he lets go of one of my hands and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“I-Izuku, there’s people here…” I say hurriedly, hoping that nobody will see us. I’m not embarrassed by him, of course not. It’s just that I always feel a bit nervous when it comes to PDA.

“I have an idea. How about we study in my dorm room? Can I have cuddles then?” he asks sweetly while removing his hands from me. I nod softly.

“That sounds nice..”

“Okay, let’s get some of your favourite snacks first and then go.” my face lights up and I nod again.

“Let’s go.” I hear him giggle before we both leave the library.

“Oh, we can also get dinner together somewhere if you want, I’m sure there’s food in the kitchen or we can get take-”

“Izuku.” I stop him. “L-let’s get those snacks and study first.” he chuckles and nods.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just really happy we get to hang out again. Let’s go then, the grocery store is only a few minutes away from UA.”

[twi-liight]

hi! can you please do hcs for muriel, portia and asra w/ an apprentice that is constantly chaotic all the time-- like, always doing dangerous and/or impulsive things for the thrill of it, with their magic or just shenanigans around vesuvia and how they'd react when they eventually get injured or in trouble? sorry if this is too open ended ! they/them pronouns pls btw 💞

Thank you for the ask~ apologies for how long this took me. I hope it was worth the wait!!!

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Asra feels a thrill of panic whenever they disappear into a crowd. Not because they’re prone to getting lost, but they’re prone for attracting trouble. To themselves or indirectly to others. There’s no workaround for this. Sometimes he just has to follow them and watch them do something wild and letting it ride out.

Is he worried? Of course. He lost them once already. That wasn’t their fault, the plague wrongfully took them, so he took them back. The idea of them in danger? He hates it. It puts a bitter taste in his mouth.

That’s not to say he that won’t join. Asra is closest to the Arcana that can represent mischief and wit; he loves a good harmless prank and fun shenanigans. So long as it’s harmless, or if some good-for-nothing idiot gets what they deserve.

It should be no surprise that when the apprentice gets seriously injured that Asra becomes fickle and panicky. Will do everything in his power to make sure they are okay, and if it’s something he cannot heal, he will bring them to Julian as fast as he can. Once they’re okay, once everything has been all said and done, expect him to scold them. Asra is so so patient with the apprentice but this is a line that they are crossing: why on earth would they purposefully put themselves in danger like that? Because it’s fun?

Give him a second. He needs to breathe.

Assure him that they’ll be more careful next time. He knows they’re bound to break that promise, but he feels better nonetheless.

There’s a saying that goes, “Trouble shared is trouble halved”. That is law in their relationship. Wherever they go, Portia and trouble follow. Except trouble isn’t halved. It’s doubled. Tripled….

Quadrupled.

People genuinely fear for their lives when the two of them are around. They’ve heard stories. One time, Portia and [F/N] were pregaming in Vesuvia and woke up in Nopal. There was that one time they said some pretty choice words to a bunch of mercenaries and Portia scared them off. How she did that, no one knows, but they ran with a tail between their legs and even sent the Countess an apology.

Nadia would ask the two of them to pipe the fuck down, but 1) she knows that she’d be asking for a lot, so she doesn’t bother and 2) it’s a good intimidation tactic, so… you know, why bother.

Everything is done in spades, then. It’s fun, it’s a thrill, and it’s a memory to share with the cutest girl in the world. The two of them can take a couple of bruises and scars, so it’s no big deal. Until they get really hurt, that is.

One day, they don’t come stumbling into Portia’s little cottage to tell her about their day at work. Weird, they would have told her beforehand, right? Oh well…

Imagine her surprise when one of the chamberlains has been sent to tell her that they broke their leg and how Julian has been treating to them in the palace. How it happened became a blur to her. Portia was already halfway out the door the moment their name and ‘broken leg’ was in the same sentence.

She’s angry. Sure, they do stupid shit together, but it’s stupid shit that isn’t borderline irresponsible. They’re an adult, they should know better! What the fuck did they even do, jump off a two story building for fun? Fuck off! Are you kidding her? Oh, they are so going to get an earful… The moment she sees them, she’ll… She’ll…

The moment she sees them, she bursts into tears.

“Are you okay?!” She blubbers, “a-are you okay? What are you, stupid? Going off like that and getting yourself hurt! You’re unbelievable!”

“I’m fine, Portia…”

She ignores that. She whips around to Julian and hisses, “Ilyushka, you better give them your best. Don’t you dare half-ass this unless you want to be the one on the bed, battered and broken.”

“Wh– Pasha, of course I will give them my best! I’m a little hurt you would think otherwise… But I know you. You’re just worried about your dear [F/N].” He leans over to [F/N] and whispers theatrically loudly on purpose, “Maybe it would be wise not to tell her that you were pushed and that’s how you broke your leg.”

Shit.

Julian grins.

And that’s the story of how Portia nearly went to jail.

Muriel finds the apprentice’s antics to be… endearing, sometimes. Seeing them grin widely before they jump off a cliff into a freezing cold lake? The loud whoop that leaves them, followed by laughter… Look, that’s not that bad. At least they’re safe. Anything that isn’t going to put them in danger and make them happy? Fine, whatever. He might even join their cliff-diving antics. What a treat for them. To see him surface the cold waters and rush his hand through his dark, wet hair… Nice.

Other antics, though? He’s going to have a panic attack. A magician as strong as them is a sight to see, but their power can be overwhelming sometimes. Summoning an entire yard of catnip that accidentally attracts not only hundreds of cats but other mythic beasts? Placing a stormcloud over someone’s head because they made a snide remark about him? Trying to see how many chilli chocolate cakes they can eat before they throw up? Climbing the palace walls all the way to the tippy top of the towers?????? For FUN????? He’s going to have a heart attack.

Thankfully, Muriel has had training™. He’s been friends with Asra for years. When he sees that glint of chaos in their eyes, he would gently grab the back of their shirt, shake his head, and grunt, “No”. Surprisingly, it’s very effective.

Some rando: [makes eye contact with Muriel and smirks]

Apprentice: ?????? you got a problem???

Muriel: [fuck]

Some rando: nothing i was just wondering why you decided to lower your standards and date this man

Apprentice:

Muriel:

If the apprentice gets seriously injured, he would be so worried. Muriel would drop everything to rush them to Julian. Yes, Julian. He thinks that man is fucking silly and weird but he can’t just stand by and let them succumb to pain. Muriel would be quiet the whole time, but he would listen intently to Julian’s instructions. When Julian leaves them alone, he would just give them a half-glare half-pout.

It’s adorable.

But even more devastatingly adorable, “Just… stop hurting yourself… Please?” And there’s a desperate gleam in his green eyes, peering into theirs. His voice is so soft, so unlike his gruff tone, and pleading. It’s very effective.

[dhwty-writes]

Chapter 1 - A Broken Witcher

We have now reached the scene that actually inspired me to write this, which is also depicted in @spielzeugkaiser‘s art. Originally, I wanted to stop after this. Now you can expect at least 5 other chapters, it seems. (Btw, if any of you is interested in betaing this, just shoot me a message)

Summary: Geralt and Ciri have been on the run for half a year. Through pure luck their path leads them to Lettenhove. The meeting with the Viscount, however, goes a lot different than they had expected.

part 1 | part 3

Read on AO3

Geralt was more tired than he'd ever been his entire life. They had been on the run for the better part of six months and no matter where they went, someone followed them anyways. It wasn’t necessarily Nilfgaard that was on their heels, he had realised that rather quickly. The problem was that for some reason or another more than half the Continent was looking for the lost princess he had found. In the end, it didn’t matter. She was his and his alone. His to protect, to raise, to care for. He wouldn’t just give her up now.

He wanted nothing but to get home, to get Ciri to Kaer Morhen where she would be safe, where she could grow and learn. He had contacted Yennefer about that, in the hopes that she could just portal them there, but she hadn't even responded the first few times.

Then, she had said that she couldn’t do it. That had been the end of their correspondence, with Yennefer saying she had more important things to focus on.

Then, there had been a fight. Ciri was uninjured, thankfully, but Geralt could still feel the strain days after. He guessed he should have needed stitches. But he couldn’t find it in himself to make Ciri do the gruesome work. His armour was battered and torn in many places and of all things he had lost his silver sword. Well, not lost. But it was in a fucking bad shape with shards and all. He was pretty sure the next time someone breathed too hard in its general direction it would break. Together with the rest of his gear, to be honest.

Then, Roach had died. That was alright, mostly. She had been a good horse and an old one. The end had been coming for quite some time. And she definitely hadn't been well enough to carry two people, even if one of them was a starving child and the other one a starving witcher. Still, she had probably chosen the worst time to die.

Because now they were on foot, hunted by basically everyone without coin for a new horse - or even food for that matter - and without a silver sword to earn new coin. Geralt found himself thinking of Jaskier and suddenly wishing that he knew how to sing. They had rarely gone hungry when they had travelled together. Then again, it probably wasn't the best idea to draw more attention than strictly necessary. On the other hand, he was, quite frankly, running out of options.

And that was exactly when it happened. He didn't know what it was - destiny? luck? Melitele herself come to save them? - and he didn't care: "Geralt!" Ciri exclaimed with big eyes, "there's a signpost! Maybe it can tell us where we should be going!"

He clasped one hand on her too-thin shoulder, guilt coursing through his veins. He hadn't had it in him to tell her that there was nowhere left to go. Instead he had said he had lost his way. He suspected that she knew the truth anyways.

But there it was. A tattered signpost with old letters, yet clear as day. Lettenhove - 4 miles. A tiny sliver of hope appeared before his eyes and he held onto it as best as he could. He knew that place, though he hadn't passed through it himself. Jaskier had mentioned it in one of his endless ramblings. No, not one, many actually. 'It's his home,' he remembered. Which meant that the Viscount of Lettenhove had to be his father. And maybe such a man would be willing to let a witcher and a child surprise stay, for only a week maybe. He could- he could do anything, earn a little coin or food at least and then they would be on their way again-

"Right," he said. "Let's go, it's only four miles left. If we hurry, we will be there before sundown."

He knew that it was just as likely that their various pursuers had found out about Jaskier's origins and that they would be waiting there for them, but he quickly pushed that possibility away. And if that were the case, well, it would only hasten a process that seemed already overdue.

In the end, he had been right. They arrived just before sundown to find a heavily garrisoned estate with the gates barred to them. He sighed and banged on the door.

"Who's there?" a guard called from the parapet and peered down at them. There was no disgust or fear when he took in the two swords and the armour. Geralt took that as a good sign. Still, he answered: "We haven't called for one of your kind."

"I know!" Geralt answered quickly, frantically thinking of words to say. Fuck, Jaskier had always been good at that. Geralt wasn't.

"Then why are you here?"

He felt Ciri's small hand in his and suddenly he felt better. "I am seeking refuge," he answered truthfully. “For my child and I.”

"Then seek it someplace else!" The guard turned to walk away and something inside Geralt broke. He looked at the frightened girl next to him, who looked up at him with wide eyes, as if he were a knight come to save her, as if he were a hero and thought of the fate that awaited her if they were turned away and-

"Please," he heard himself say, "I am a friend of-" He racked his brain, searching for the right title. "I'm a friend of his lordship's son!" he finally gave up.

"Master Julian?" the guard called down. "What do you want of him?"

"He is here?" That was the first good news he’d heard in months. "Please, if he is, relay this message to him: I thank him for the invitation. And I am in desperate need for apple juice." The guard barked a laugh and he ground his teeth. He knew it sounded ridiculous. "Just, please, tell him; I only ask for five minutes of his time."

The guard looked down at him and Geralt thought to see pity in his eyes. He ducked his head and hunched his shoulders as if that could make the two sets of eyes on him go away. He had always thought himself a proud man. They had called him many things in his long life. Monster, Mutant, Butcher. He had never caved. He had never begged. But now? What other option did he have?

"Wait here," the guard said and vanished.

Ciri tugged at his hand and he leaned down. Not that he could hear her better, he could hear her just fine when he was standing. But he had discovered that it made her feel calmer when he did so. ‘It makes her calmer when I act like the humans she knows.’ "Are you sure we will be safe here?" she asked.

He nodded. "More than anywhere else. Remember the stories I told you? About Jaskier?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Your friend?"

"I-" There was a lump in his throat that didn't belong there. "Yes, my friend. His father is the lord here." 'Or so I hope,' he didn't say. "And it seems he is here, too."

"So, he will let us stay?"

He clenched his teeth. He shouldn't get her hopes up, he knew. There was still a chance that they wouldn't let them stay after all, there was still a chance that they wouldn't want to take a risk, there still was a chance that Jaskier's sympathies for witchers didn't extend to his family- Melitele's tits, there was a chance Jaskier was mad at him with how he treated him the last time they had seen each other. ‘Fuck.’ A rather big chance, now that he thought of it. Still he said: "I'm sure they will."

They sat outside for nearly an hour. Geralt tried to distract Ciri from the wait and the hunger by pointing out different plants and their uses nearby. Unfortunately, none of them were edible. ‘And even if they were, we couldn’t just take them,’ he thought with a sigh.

The sun drew dangerously close to the horizon and he was just about to give up, when, to his surprise, the gates opened. There was a young woman, dressed in a colourful livery and walked while dragging her feet across the ground, accompanied by two armed guards. "The viscount will receive you now," she said quietly, "if you would follow me."

Geralt stood and put a protective arm around Ciri, gently nudging her forward. The guards fell in step behind them and the gates shut with a loud bang. Overall, it could have gone better, he supposed. Though, it probably also could have gone worse.

They were led through a nice and bright courtyard with roomy stables Roach surely would have liked - the thought hurt, though he would never admit it. There were flowers all over, flowing from pots on the ground and spilling over the railing of the gallery that framed the courtyard from all sides. The timber framing was light brown, nearly no contrast against the white infill and the sepia sandstone and the shingles were crimson red. It was so bright and colourful and peaceful, so very Jaskier and such an antithesis to the grim reality of Geralt's life.

Then, the doors opened and it hurt even more. There in the foyer of the north wing was Jaskier staring at him. Well, not Jaskier. A younger version of him, etched onto the canvas of a large painting. He was surrounded by four sisters and what he supposed had to be his parents, dressed in expensive silks and standing tall, as would be expected of the heir. He couldn't quite tear his eyes from it.

"This way, please, Sir Witcher," the servant said and after a moment he followed. There were another two guards standing in front of a heavy oaken door that opened for them when they approached. The hall that laid behind it was just how he had imagined: bright with a high ceiling, decorated with murals of flowers and fighting knights and he could swear some of them carried two swords. Ciri gasped and wanted to run off to marvel at one of the tapestries, but his grip on her shoulder tightened. Hopefully, there would be time for that later.

They were led to the dais at the narrow side of the hall, where three people sat on wooden thrones framed by twice as many guards. The two women on the left and right he though he recognised from the paining in the entrance hall, though they had grown much since the time it had been drawn. And in the middle of them sat- "Jaskier!" he exclaimed in surprise. Jaskier as he had never seen him before, dressed all in black with a sword at his hip and a stony expression on his face.

"The Right Honourable Viscount Lettenhove," the servant announced - corrected? -, "Julian Alfred Pankratz. And his sisters, the Honourable Janina and Józefa Pankratz."

Geralt blinked in confusion. That was not how he had imagined this reunion to go.

"You may bow, witcher," the older of his two sisters said.

Geralt frowned. "I don't understand," he said and took a step forward. At once he was met with crossed halberds and steely glares. "What is happening, J-"

"You may address me as "my lord", witcher," Jaskier interrupted him with a voice as cold as ice. There was not even a trace of recognition in his face.

The faintest hint of panic crept up his spine as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Did Jaskier not remember? Had he been cursed, maybe? But when he looked into his eyes he understood. "I-" His heart sank. Of course, Jaskier remembered him. And even though his face did not betray a thing, his eyes spoke of unbearable pain. 'Fuck,' he thought. "Of course," he said and bowed reluctantly, "my lord."

If Jaskier noticed the slight change in his voice, he didn't let on about it. "I am told you wanted to speak to me."

"Yes," he gritted out, forcing himself to keep his eyes cast downwards. "My lord, I am asking for refuge. We- we have nowhere to turn. A fortnight, maybe, or a week, if you will. For my daughter and I."

"Is this her?" the viscount stood and walked over to them, measuring Cirilla with his glare. "You're certain?"

"I am." He looked at him pleadingly. "Jaskier, please," he said quietly enough that no one else heard, "a week is all I ask, anything-"

"Józefa," he called to his sister, "take the girl and show her to a room where she can rest. And feed her, for Melitele’s sake. She looks as if she is about to keel over from hunger."

His sister stood and hurried over to them. She even smiled, fuck, and it looked so much like Jaskier. Jaskier had never not smiled when they had seen each other again. ‘Looks like I did a lot more damage than anticipated.’ He only tore his eyes from his apparently-not-friend when Ciri tugged on his hand and looked up at him unsure.

He just nodded. "You can trust her," he told her. 'We have to trust them.'

"The rest of you, leave, too." Jaskier made his way back to his place on the dais. "Not a word about any of this. I will have no rumours. Witcher, stay."

It took a few moments after the doors shut behind the last servant and a couple more of awkward silence before Geralt started speaking: "You're wearing black."

"Your observational skills are as formidable as the tales make them out to be," Jaskier answered, sarcasm dripping like poison.

‘Hm.’ In the past he had counted himself lucky that he had been able to evade Jaskier’s words that cut like swords. ‘Seems like I’m all out of luck.’ "It doesn't suit you."

“I’m in mourning.” He wrinkled his nose. "That's an insensitive thing to say to a man whose father has passed not a month ago."

Ah. ‘Shit.’ That explained a lot. Geralt silenced his tongue. He knew he could never win a verbal duel against Jaskier. The man in question, however, did not seem in any hurry to move the conversation forward. In fact, he looked quite content, glaring and keeping quiet. It made him uneasy. After a while he broke: "So?"

That seemed to amuse Jaskier, but he wasn’t sure. "It seems you are waiting for something, witcher."

Fuck, he had been able to read the man like an open book. Everyone had been able to do so, he had never met anyone nearly as expressive as Jaskier. ‘Where have you learned to hide all of that, you bastard?’ he thought and for once in his life he wished that his opponent could read minds like Yennefer.

His “Hmm” was met with more silence.

He shot him a look. Jaskier didn’t communicate without words anymore but that didn’t mean Geralt couldn’t. ‘Is this the way we’re doing this?’ it asked. ‘Fine.’ Jaskier wanted words? He could have words. "It seems you are stewing, my lord."

There was a crack in the facade, minuscule and nigh unnoticeable but below slumbered a bard lost for words after being told an unsavoury lie about his singing. A smile tugged at the corner of Geralt's mouth and apparently, that was enough to make him break: "You're an idiot, witcher," he hissed, quiet enough that he never would have heard without his enhanced senses. "What were you thinking? Coming here, knocking on my front door in the light of day? Couldn't you have snuck through the kitchens at night like any other person?"

He blinked, taken aback by the onslaught. “I didn’t even know you were here-,“ he tried to defend himself but was quickly cut short: “How dare you? How dare you turn up here of all places? There’s a whole continent for you! Only one Lettenhove for me.”

He measured the man who had been at his side for so long with his eyes. No banter, it seemed. No excuses either. ‘What do you want, Jaskier?’ he tried to ask him with his eyes. ‘Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you for us to stay.’

But he remained silent, neither his mouth nor his face betraying a thing.

Alright. He took a deep breath. He had begged a guard already. He could beg his not-friend, too. "I'm sorry, Jaskier,” he said truthfully, “but I have nowhere left to turn-"

"I know!” He was angry. Very much so. “Which is why I haven't cast you out, yet. You are relatively safe here for a while, what with Nilfgaard’s defeat."

His head jerked around to him. "Nilfgaard has lost?"

“Have you not even wondered why their goons stopped chasing you?”

He shrugged. “Can’t say I noticed. There were enough others to continue where they started.”

No answer.

“What happened?”

"You really don't know," he realised. "There's been a battle at Sodden. A second one. My reports say over thirty thousand dead, among them fourteen mages."

"When was that?" Fear ran down his spine. "Yennefer-"

"She's alive, as far as I know. But she was gravely injured." He leaned back in his seat. "Which is why she can't come and get you. Though I wouldn't advise it anyways. It might be safer for you to continue travelling on foot. How’s Roach?”

“Dead.”

“Pity. How long will you abuse my hospitality?”

He hunched his shoulders. “Until I think of a plan. Or until you throw us out.”

Jaskier frowned. “I will think of something. You’re no good at that.”

He shrugged. Jaskier was probably right about that. "And how do you expect me to repay you for your kindness?"

"Do not call it kindness, witcher, for it is not. Had you arrived without the girl you wouldn't have entered the keep at all." He folded his hands in his lap. "A promise will be enough, for now," he conceded.

He quirked an eyebrow. "A promise?"

"I will not ask for your oath; I know how little you like to get drawn into the affairs of us petty humans. But my shelter comes not without a cost."

"I didn't think it would." He had, actually. At least until he had stepped into the hall.

"You’re a terrible liar. I protect you with my name and walls. I clothe you and I feed you and those who are yours. In return you council me and protect me with your sword and body. At least, that is how it normally goes." He sighed and leaned his chin on his palm. “You see, were the circumstances different, I would not require such a promise at all. Alas, they are not. I am sure that pains you and me alike. You see, my momentary trust in your… loyalty is a bit exiguous at best.”

He ground his teeth and looked at his feet. "Right..." A flattened oath of fealty. ‘Jaskier, you bastard, if I had another choice-‘

"Unless you prefer the road."

"I do not."

"I did not think so." He extended his hand where a heavy signet ring rested.

He shot him another look. ‘Really?’

Jaskier quirked an eyebrow.

Geralt opened his mouth to ask if that was necessary but before he could say anything, Jaskier said: “It is.”

“Fine.” Reluctantly, Geralt drew closer and took the hand delicately between his own. He cast one last look upwards, pleading, almost begging – ‘Don’t make me do this, please.’ – but Jaskier remained stone-faced. Slowly, he bowed and graced the metal with his lips. "I am... at your service," he said warily, "...my liege."

"Good." Jaskier withdrew his hand and Geralt straightened himself. "Go now. I am in no need of you, witcher."

He exhaled forcefully and turned to follow the command grudgingly. When he had come to Lettenhove he hadn’t expected the day to end like this. He didn’t know what he had even expected but not- this.

He had come with the last of his strength, yes, but proud and standing tall. Now he was humiliated, humoured and honour bound by a man he had considered his friend for a long time. ‘And never said it,’ a traitorous voice in the back of his mind hissed.

And for what? For the hope that the man he had sent away would now not sell them out and save their lives. ‘Fuck,’ he thought not for the first time, ‘what have you gotten yourself into?’

[neverwatchedonepiece]

629: "Violent Shock! Incredible News that Shakes the New World!"

A rocky old place, ain’t it? No white sand beach resorts here. Lots of sunflowers, though. And a Colosseum. Even trattorias and quaint cobbled streets, according to the preview.

This is Italy, isn’t it?

Only had time for one episode but that wasn’t a problem at all. Thankfully, there was a lot to unpack in 629, plus more highlights than 

There was the return of Thriller Bark. Updates on the whereabouts of key OP figures. Luffy yelling down the line at Doflamingo. The reveal of why Law is set on sailing to Dressrosa. Why Kinemon is also keen to go. The arrival of new villains. The reveal of Doflamingo’s cunning plan to snare Luffy. And the reshuffling of the Shichibukai and the appointment of a VERY FAMILIAR CLOWN.

I’m still laughing, btw.

Also have to say I liked the new opening. Seemed spoiler free and it was interesting that they have pitted Luffy so openly against Blackbeard (and Akainu, I suppose. Now there are two Big Bads. Actually beginning to wonder if there ever will be a Final Villain in One Piece).

They Call Him Scoop McGee Absalom

The action picked up with the immediate aftermath of Doflamingo’s resignation from his throne and the post of Shichibukai, which sent ripples through the OPverse. Now the protection conferred by Doflamingo’s Shichibukai status had vanished, his subjects lamented, “Dressrosa is done for!”

Elsewhere, an unwinnable war raged. Unwinnable because the side in question had struck a deal with the Donquixote family. Now Doflamingo is no longer king, the supply chain has dried up.

Various famous faces who had grabbed newspapers were next. Jewelry Bonney was a nice surprise! I thought she’d been arrested by the Marines after that whole thing on the burning island with Teach. She’s obviously in hiding (standard hooded cloak) but still in action. That’s good. There was also a brief shot of Jimbei and Crocodile’s hook.

But who was the mysterious journalist behind the leaking of the Strawhearts alliance? The Kidd/Hawkins/Apoo Alliance? The fact Doflamingo had resigned both throne and warlord role?

He is known only by the name Absa.

I would have struggled to predict who Absa might have been, had they not shown a tiny Thriller Bark satellite ship.

It’s obviously Absalom. Invisibility is his thing. He’s obviously been sneaking about. For what purpose, I have no clue. Maybe Moria is out for revenge? I’m pretty certain he’s still alive as Doflamingo said he disappeared in front of his eyes. I like the thought of Moria getting angry enough to come back into the limelight. (I’m still crossing my fingers he’ll help Luffy and Law with Kaidou. Moria definitely has enough of a grudge to do it.)

We also got hard confirmation that Kidd and co. are after a Yonko. Their target is as much of a mystery to me as Luffy and Law’s is to them. (I still think it might be Shanks.)

I love it when Oda takes time to set his arcs within a wider context. Even more so now. It’s especially relevant here, given the recent emphasis on the interconnected nature of the New World.

And speaking of connections...

Hello. Is it Caesar You’re Lookin For?

Once the contextualisation was out of the way, the action cut back to Sunny. At the end of 628, Doflamingo had finally picked up (after deliberately making Law wait to ramp up the tension. The theme of control is strong with this one).

Of course, Luffy had to formally introduce himself.

“HELLO. I AM LUFFY. I WILL BECOME PIRATE KING. OI, MINGO!” I love Luffy has already given him a nickname. “So you’re that idiot Caesar’s boss? That bastard hurt Brownbeard and the kids! We’ll give Caesar back since we promised but if he ever does anything like that again--” at this point Caesar himself was cringing hard in a corner “-- I’ll beat the crap out of you too!”

To his credit, Doflamingo did not rise to the bait. Sure, a few veins pop and he does questionable things when angered, but in negotiations, he remains cool as a cucumber.

“Strawhat... two years have passed since your brother died and you disappeared from the New World. Where were you and what were you doing?”

At that point, I never realised the significance of Doflamingo’s reference to Ace, so I just thought he was getting a, “Lol, ur brother is ded” dig in.

Of course, Luffy wouldn’t tell.

“I was hoping to run into you,” Doflamingo continued. “I’ve got something here that would make you drool.”

Since Luffy doesn’t do metaphors, he thought Doflamingo was talking about high-quality meats. To be fair, I had no idea what Doflamingo had up his sleeve at that point, so it could have been high-quality meats for all I knew.

Law was annoyed that Luffy had given Doflamingo the chance to control the conversation and snatched the DDM.

“Joker, we will hand over Caesar as promised.”

Doflamingo is not dumb, though. “That’s wise. You know well what would happen to you if you backed out now. First thing’s first, though. I want to confirm that my vital business partner is safe.”

Law held up the receiver. Caesar scooted over.

“JOOOOOOOKEEEEEERRR, I’M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY! YOU LOST EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF ME, BAWWWWWWW--”

And Doflamingo was like, “Yup. Sounds like he’s fine.” 

I lol’d at that. (Was that a lowkey burn from Doflamingo?)

Law continued to keep matters strictly business. “In eight hours we will be on Green Bit. We’ll drop off Caesar there. Pick him up yourself. We will make no further contact.”

“Awwww...” Doflamingo retorted. “And I wanted to have a drink with you now you’re all grown up--”

At that moment, Luffy decided the conversation was at an end.“JUST HANG UP ALREADY!” 

He cut the connection. The Strawhearts were left alone on deck to process what had just happened. Sanji was smart about a loophole Law had left in negotiations. Law had never specified how many people could accompany Doflamingo to pick up Caesar. Theoretically, Doflamingo could arrive with an army at his back.

Law wasn’t worried. The Caesar handover was just a distraction. (Rather bold of him to discuss this in front of Caesar himself, by the way.) Destroying the Smile factory was the real mission. The only issue? Law has no info on the factory. I’m assuming they’ll have to infiltrate Dressrosa and locate the place.

Luffy was like, “You ever been to Dress Roba?” (Lmao, I’m sure he’ll get the name right eventually.)

Interestingly, Law said he had never been! There go my theories of Law growing up in Dressrosa and working for Doflamingo. :(

He definitely hates Doflamingo, though. His reasons for not stepping foot on Dressrosa? “He is king of that land.” Something has gone on between them in the past. Doflamingo has known Law since he was a kid. So did Vergo. What is the connection here??

At any rate, Luffy was blase about the whole affair. Infiltrating hostile territory to find and destroy a factory that will cause shit to hit the fan and draw the ire of the entire New World? Yeah, let’s just make up a plan as we go!

For Law, who is a clever, patient and careful man, this was just too much.

As the Strawhats filed past him into the kitchen for sandwiches, he stared with the vacant expression of a man who has stared into the depths of the abyss and found Luffy’s grinning face staring back.

He snapped.

“I HATE BREAD!!”

Then you have have a gluten free wrap, Law. Chill. Everything’s going to be fine.

At least, I think.

In the kitchen, away from Caesar’s sensitive ears, they discussed where they would dock and other important initial steps of their master plan. Kinemon also revealed why he wanted to travel to Dressrosa.

Apparently, they had set out for a place called Zou but were shipwrecked. Only one of the other samurai reached the shore with Kinemon and Momo. Doflamingo’s people pursued them. Momo tried to slip unnoticed onto a ship but it unfortunately sailed straight for Punk Hazard. Their other companion, Kanjuuro, was taken prisoner.

Law was interested in the whole Zou thing, as he had planned to travel straight there to reunite with his crew (Yay! They’re okay!) after taking care of business in Dressrosa.

Luffy was like, “EXCELLENT! WE’LL GO TO ZOU, THEN TO WANO KINGDOM. I WILL SAVE YOUR COMPANION TOO!”

And Brook randomly farted right in the middle of it, lmao.

There’s a Starman, Waiting in the Sky

And while Luffy and Law were busy making plans for Nigel, an Important Meeting was taking place at Marineford.

A grave Marine called Brannew took the podium in front of a room full of serious-looking, high-rankers (Brannew, get it? He’s a Brannew Marine to the story, ahahaha.) 

“As you all know,” he announced, “there are only seven Shichibukai. They are pirates who have been given permission to plunder by the World Government. In return, they grant us overwhelming power and prestige. Their allegiance to the World Government instills fear in pirates around the world.”

A line up of the more recent Famous Faces flashed across the screen.

Mihawk, Kuma, Hancock, Law, Donquixote Doflamingo, “The Celestial Yaksha” (I have yet to google that to find out what it means) and a newcomer.

Who was this newcomer?

He is the man who rapidly grew strength over the past two years. Commander of the Pirate Dispatchment Org and Living Legend: THE STAR CLOWN BUGGY!!

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!

Of course it could be no one else that Buggy! Who else would have such INCREDIBLE, BEWILDERING LUCK!

Even Buggy admitted he was totally winging it. “It’s not like I asked for this. The World Government kept bugging me so I had no choice. That said, this is only a rung on the ladder. I’m moving up in the world now. In a few years, I’ll be a Yonko.”

And you know what?

I believe it.

Only Buggy would be able to become a Shichibukai by accident. Why not a Yonko too? The World Government must be pretty desperate to fill spare seats if they asked Buggy. 

The serious Marine also spoke of the grave situation surrounding Doflamingo’s sudden resignation. Law’s activity and alliance with Luffy is under suspicion. Depending on what he does next, Law may be stripped of his title too.

Akainu agreed. “We cannot allow Law and Strawhat to do as they please. Smoker from G5 sent me a rather annoying message yesterday. We should observe the situation for another day. I have dispatched Fujitora.”

A couple of things.

Did Smoker send Akainu a message from Kuzan? Is that why the message was “annoying”? Maybe it’s both inconvenient (bad news) and annoying (it came from his old rival).

Who is Fujitora? A new Marine villain, high on Justice? I can but hope.

At any rate, the Marines are also on the move and are watching events in Dressrosa closely. This is good. The more conflict, the better!

You Magnificent Bastard

Meanwhile, in sunny Dressrosa, Doflamingo was also cooking up plans and future conflicts of his own.

In his palace, Doflamingo sauntered down a long corridor and entered a room with four high-backed chairs carved into card suits. As he is the Joker, I’m guessing Doflamingo has a theme going.

He apologised for keeping the others waiting. We only met two of the suit card squad. Diamante and Trebol. Trebol occupies the Clubs suite chair and is creepy. He does not understand personal space bubbles (even with Doflamingo) and he keeps insisting Baby 5 wants to marry him (creepy). His Devil Fruit power is also slightly gross (he blorts everywhere) and he has a perpetual hang snot. Not my kind of villain.

Diamante is at least funny. Example:

Doffy: “The colosseum is as popular as ever. That is thanks to you, Diamante.” Diamante: “Not at all, Doffy.” (I love that they call him Doffy.) “This is due to your charisma as king.” Doffy: “No, it’s because of your talent.” Diamante: “Oh, stop talking like I’m some hero of the colosseum.” Doffy: “But you are.” Diamante: “You exaggerate!” Doffy: “Fine, you’re not.” Diamante: “OKAY. IF YOU INSIST. I AM INDEED THE HERO RAAAARRR!”

Lmao.

That was weirdly humanizing. I get that Doflamingo is the villain here and he has no qualms over sacrificing his people if it needs to happen, but he knows these guys pretty well and gets on with them. Maybe it’s successfully manipulating them, sure, but the man still has social skillz.

Once the comedy moment with Diamante was over, Doflamingo asked Trebol to bring forth the Important Thing.

Trebol handed Doflamingo a mysterious box. “This is sure to pique Strawhat’s interest,” he said. “Their alliance can very easily become a disadvantage to them. I will entrust this super important box to you, Diamante.”

After some funny reverse psychology back and forth, Diamante agreed.

Then Doflamingo made the Big Reveal. The Big, Glowing, Shiny Reveal.

When he said he had something that interested Luffy, he wasn’t lying.

But it wasn’t high-quality meat.

He has Ace’s fruit.

And he is going to use it as leverage to break up Luffy and Law’s alliance.

What a magnificent bastard.

Law was attacked by a pack of wild loaves in his youth. He’s never been the same since.

[its-bianca]

Things I Don’t Get About American Culture

These are some things I gleaned from living there, hear on media, heard from friend, visiting there, etc. NOTHING in this post is meant to bash or hurt anyone. These are just harmless observations from an outsider who hasn’t lived there very long. In fact, it’d be great to have a discussion about some things I state here and true/falses or reasonings behind it. I think some of these may not be exclusive to Americans, so feel free to correct me.

The wave. That arm raise thing you guys do in a stadium that produces a human ripple effect? White American thing. I know what it is, I just don’t understand it. We Indonesians prefer a synchronized stompy thing with loud chants. I witnessed this firsthand in Seaworld (which, I don’t support anymore btw), and in NHD, where I kid you not, a stadium full of middle and high school students are doing the wave, like 10 times in a row. When the wave hit the Southeast Asian column, we were like a break of waves. It just stopped for a second then continued on over to the column next to us, until we realized what was happening, recalled the scene in movies, then followed suit in the next wave.

Unpopular opinion(?): Why do people love Beyoncé? I don’t know if I’m just an uncultured Gen Z kid who doesn’t understand the prodigy and legend that is Beyoncé, but I’ve talked to my friends in Indonesia and they also don’t quite understand the hype. I loved her too...but then I realized that my love for Beyoncé wasn’t actually because I adore her singing voice (which is amazing I have to admit), or her songs, works, and everything else she did, but mostly because American culture and media LOVES her. I have seemed to join the bandwagon without realizing. Her songs are not totally my style, and others would probably agree, so why is she getting all this hype? Fans...don’t come after me. I just don’t get it, so please enlighten this poor soul.

Chipotle. I tried it. I don’t get it. It’s just some salad in a burrito thing. I was so excited to try Chipotle for the first time this year, but was gravely disappointed. I thought they at least had quesadillas. Maybe I’ll give it a second chance when I move. 

White cafeteria food. And I don’t mean just in school cafeterias, I mean that distinct smell you get when you walk into some American buffet dinner. It’s the smell of salad bars, paninis, macaroni and cheese, and CLAM CHOWDER. THE CLAM CHOWDER. That’s what gives it the distinct smell. The US Capitol tourist attraction has a cafeteria that has THAT smell, Soup Plantation has THAT smell, Chick-fil-A, Chipotle, have THAT smell. It’s not a bad one...it’s just that you get sick of it after a long while (5 days were my limit), no matter if the food is actually edible or not. Thankfully, Los Angeles has a lot of other diverse food options...

Americans’ preoccupation with political parties. I heard one time from an interview that someone will NOT marry or date anyone from an opposing party because they believed their viewpoints and beliefs would be too different. Okay, I get that in this period in time, Republicans have a bad reputation, for pretty good reasons. But if I’m not wrong, weren’t they the “good” guys back in the early 1900s? They supported black people who were being oppressed by the democrats, enforcing laws, policies, and rights. I just don’t understand the overwhelming division and hatred in the American public. It seems all wack. There ARE “good” republicans out there, just like how there are “bad” democrats. I know a few “good” republicans in fact, and their beliefs aren’t that extreme.

Imaginary friends in childhood. Okay, this one isn’t an American thing I don’t get. I had a/an imaginary friend(s) as I grew up, but the majority of my Indonesian friends tell me that imaginary friends are a white thing. I protested, saying that I’m not white. They then say that because I lived in the US in my childhood, some of the “white culture” rubbed off on me. Is this true? My sister and one friend’s brother had an imaginary friend, and they never lived in the US. I need more evidence.

SHOES IN THE HOUSE. You’ve probably heard this before from other Asians. But WHY DO WHITE PEOPLE WEAR SHOES IN THE HOUSE!?! I’m genuinely confused. Not saying I’ve never done this, but I only when I’m in a rush and need to grab something from my room. Whenever I read a book about an angry teen stomping into her room, shoes echoing in the hall, then climbing into bed WITH SHOES STILL ON, I cringe. As a child reading middle-grade books, I never questioned it, just cringed. Now, seeing that more and more people are speaking up about this atrocity happening to floors, carpets, and beds, I feel the need to raise my voice too. 

Butt hygiene. Why don’t Americans wash their bums with water after taking a dump? The occasional tissue wipe is fine, but long term? Nononono. Asians have a bum hose spray thing right next to the toilet for these purposes. Or, if you live in Japan (or can just afford a fancy Japanese toilet), you have a toilet that does it for you! My uncle got a DISEASE when he didn’t wash his bum after going to the toilet. Also, I feel like you’d be more likely to get a UTI. A little TMI, but in our apartment in LA, we don’t have a bum hose installed, as many American homes don’t. If I feel lazy, I’d wet the tissue and use that. If not, I’d usually shimmy up to sit on the sink and wash (and regularly disinfect the sink of course). This is pretty much the only hygiene concern I have. Every other American hygiene practice? Well done, pretty cleanly compared to Indonesia (but nobody can compete with Japan).

I’ll probably add on to this in the future in a separate post (or fix some mistakes) once I properly move in to the US next week and go to school.

[novarasalas]

Second Look Review: Lion’s Pride 1 & 2

Part 1

So, this is it. The final battle for Earth. Everything that’s happened this season has been preparing us for this very moment.

I’m sweating, guys.

This is nonstop action. So many things are happening at once. So many bad things are happening to the protagonists at once.

I’ve heard the showrunners say several times now that this series is a call back to all the mecha shows from the past, and that’s it’s made for the fans of those shows. I’ve heard plenty of people talk about how nostalgic it makes them, and how it reminds them of watching the shows they used to love.

I was too young for the original run of Voltron, though, and I never really had access to other shows like Macross.

So, I understood in principle, but that same feeling didn’t hit me until these two episodes.

And now I'm’ going to talk about myself for a bit.

---

I can’t even tell you the feeling I was overcome with the first time I watched The Power Rangers. It’s 1993, I’ve been 7 years old for three days, it’s Saturday, and my mind has just been blown. I can’t tell you what it was about the show, but all I knew was that I wanted to be a Power Ranger very, very badly. I can’t, though. But at least I can make believe every Saturday morning.

Difficulty: I’m a girl. Girls aren’t supposed to like things like that. Martial arts, weapons, fighting? Inappropriate!

So, as my first act of rebellion, I became a wholly dedicated fan to this weirdly , edited-for-american-audiences sentai show.

I still have that guitar riff stuck in my head. It plays for me when I do things that my parents would find...unladylike.

So, from that day on, my love of mecha shows was on. My parents eventually relented, and I treasured the one action figure we could afford. It was the pink ranger, of course.

But I eventually grew out of my Power Rangers phase, and for years that love lay dormant. Sure, there were other shows out there, animated and live action, but I had no way of getting to them.

Then we got cable, which had Cartoon Network. And Cartoon Network had Toonami.

I was 13 years old, staying up past midnight to watch only-lightly-censored anime, and every night my mind was blown.

Gundam Wing was my drug of choice.

And if my parents hated me watching the Power Rangers, they absolutely despised me watching this.

Despite the protagonists all being 15 years old, Gundam Wing was a mature story. It told of the hells of war, sacrifice, desperation, politics, romance?, and so many other things. It was so very cool.

My parents eventually relented on this, too. I still have the models they bought me.

I was waaaaayyy too into Gundam Wing. I threw myself headlong into the fandom, consuming every fanwork I possibly could. I spent hours going through Geocities web rings trying to find worthwhile fanfiction and fan art (my fave pairing was 1x2, btw.)

Eventually, I came to realize: this show is actually kinda boring. there’s no humor in it. It just...wasn't interesting to me anymore. It was my thing for years, and then suddenly...I was over it.

But it still holds a special place in my heart.

And I told you all of that to tell you this:

The space battles in these episodes remind of of the finale of Gundam Wing.

I felt a good bit of nostalgia, something that doesn't hit me very often. It was nice.

And that nostalgia reminded me of my first rebellion, when I as a girl liked epic space battles and giant combining mechs and nothing was going to take that away from me.

In a way, I still feel like I’m rebelling. And you know what? Being bad still feels so good.

I’m happy to have this show.

- - -

Atlas, known in Greek mythology, held the Earth upon his shoulders. That’s the story these days, anyway. The original myth is that he held up the celestial spheres, in which the stars and planets resided. He’s holding it all up, is what I’m saying.

It’s very easy to see Shiro in all of this. He’s the leader of Earth’s forces, and is part of the last line of defense against Sendak. That’s a lot of responsibility. And he takes it all upon himself. He doesn’t hesitate to go to Sendak’s ship to disable it.

...could this guy be any more of a hero?

But we can’t forget about the ship Atlas, or it’s crew

This thing is a beast, and has no right being so powerful. And without the ship, and without the crew to maneuver it into position to block the cannons, the Earth would have been done for. They didn’t do this because Shiro ordered them to.

Shiro may be the face of the Atlas, but the ship would be nothing without it’s crew.

-

Back to Shiro now.

This fight he has with Sendak is...just insane. It’s so raw and personal, I almost felt like maybe I should avert my eyes.

But I won’t, for reasons.

Quick question: How are either of them surviving this fall? They’re on the outside of a ship thats falling through the atmosphere, without helmets, and fighting. It’s a sight to behold, for sure, but it’s a bit much.

I’ll let it go, thought, just like I’ll let go the fact that the falling ship hit terminal velocity and didn’t leave a 100 mile wide crater.

I have to ignore that, because Shiro is defeated. And then this happens:

Keith first killed the two pirates in the third episode, then Macidus in the sixth. Before that, none of the Paladins had been shown to kill anyone. I’m still sad about it, in a way. But...better Sendak, than Shiro.

This all seems very symbolic. Everyone seems to have their own ideas about what exactly it means.

In part, I would say this is another moment of Keith never giving up on Shiro. It’s not even about repaying his debt to him; you could argue that that debt was paid in full with interest a long time ago.

Keith knows how much Shiro has been hurt. From here on out, he’s going to make sure that no one ever hurts Shiro again.

As for people saying that Shiro should have been to one to kill Sendak….

I think that the less he has to fight, to kill, to call back those days in the arena, the more he can heal from the trauma of being The Champion.

- - -

So that’s dealt with. Sendak’s dead. Earth is safe.

How’s everyone feeling?

….ugh...stop that...lol.

Ok, whatever. Let’s go home.

Mmm..yeah. This may as well happen.

Part 2

This fight is really something.

First off, I couldn’t help but think that this mech looks like Livia sas Junius from Final Fantasy XIV.

Everything about this fight is terrifying and frustrating. They just won, and for the first time this season, too! And now they’re losing again.

We see now again what was proven in season 6: Voltron was once the most powerful thing in the universe. But time does this funny thing of marching on, and things tend to change along the way.

-

Speaking of changing…

Shiro experiences stress-induced-mech building.

This whole process is amazing. The animation, the music, the timing...everything! Paired with the fact that I had no idea this was going to happen, I was blown away.

And we have no idea how or why this is happening. Could it be the Castleship crystal they installed in the ship? Is it the gem powering his arm? Could it be both? We definitely get some centering shots on those two items as the transformation happens.

Before, we’d been told that the comet ore had be the catalyst for Voltron’s indescribable abilities. But the Atlas is made from Earth materials, save for the new crystal.

Is it Shiro himself?

We don’t know what’s really happening with him. From Haggar’s experiments on him, to being trapped within Voltron’s quintessence, to being pulled away from the Black Lion and placed into a new physical form, a lot of magical hoodoo voodoo has been happening to him.

And let’s not forget: Haggar was most likely using him, in someway, to enter Oriande.

So, why did the Atlas transform? Because Shiro. I don’t know why, or how, but it couldn’t have happened with anyone else.

And with this new creation, he’s going to save his friends. Or...he’ll try to.

Now, for as much as I love the concept of the Atlas, I have a bit of a complaint.

So, I’m watching this thing transform, and everything is light and wonder. And then..I saw it:

Shiro, probably: Fine! I’ll make my own Voltron! With blackjack! And hookers!

….

Have you ever been watching something and you feel all things at once?

That’s how I felt.

At first, it was like:

then I was like 

and then it was back to

Then I paused the show and did the dishes.

Friends, I hate to say this, but...I don’t like how the Atlas looks. At all.

That transformation sequence had me high on wonder, but when it finished, I crashed back down, hard.

No amount of “ooo she thicc” jokes are gonna save me on this one.

...look at it’s legs!

And what really gets me is that it threw me off so much, that I kinda checked out for the rest of the episode. That’s why these are the Second Look Reviews; because I was being too ridiculous the first time to appreciate them.

I’ve gotten over it at this point, but I was feeling an all consuming “what the hell did I just witness?” at the time.

--- -

Back to it, though.

Shiro transformed that whole damn ship on his own. He saw his friends in danger and he just...did that.

And it was enough to distract the enemy, but not enough.

Thankfully, Voltron was there to save the day.

And then…

Look, this was stressful. You know they’re going to make it; there’s another season left, for god’s sake! And Voltron, while dramatic and sometimes sad, is a hopeful story.

Our heroes can’t die, not now, not like this.

But they don’t know that.

The transition to the funeral, with the lions in the background, was a cruel, cruel fakeout. The emotion in Shiro’s voice here really made me think for a second that maybe they’d actual, ya know...done it.

But it’s ok.

Everyones ok.

And now, there’s the hope.

The entire universe is coming together to help the Paladins rebuild their home. The team has done so much for the universe, and have nearly sacrificed everything doing so (several times at this point).

This is the good ending. It’s happy, it’s uplifting.

It’s not ending.

---

In summary:

It’s all intense battles and wild nostalgia. These episodes were beautifully put together, from scripting to animation to voice acting.

But just when things were nice and understandable, we get more questions. Questions that I can only hope we get answers to.

Next up: I’ve got a review summary coming up. I’ll talk about my thoughts on this season, the series as a whole, and discuss a few things about next season.

And I took this screenshot

it doesn't have anything to do with my review, but I noticed that curl on the side of Lance’s face. It’s cute. I wanted to share.

[ultjunsus]

Just ranting

Sometimes I really feel like even though I was diagnosed with selective mutism, that I don’t or more that I don’t anymore? Maybe it’s the fact that a lot of people now a days will say someones faking for attention or something along those lines. Even though I know I was diagnosed by a professional my mind tells me that I’m just faking it.

My life living with SM has been really rough. I was never really properly treated, I believe I was just given medication and went to occasional sessions where they didn’t work with me or even really address me. School was a roller coaster where I was fine with my friends but with anyone else it was hell, especially presenting. But I didn’t have a system set up for me and was forced to present even if I was on the verge of tears. And it only got worse as I went into middle and high school. I guess thankfully(?) by the time I went into high school I learned that no one understood why I’d stutter or sometimes have an actual breakdown about presenting or whatever in front of the class and my mom never talked to the school to set up any sort of system for me guess cause she thought I got through fine without it every other year. So I just “got over it” did what I had to and if the breakdown hit after it did. Mentally high school was the roughest part of my life. There were so many days I didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed. I’d have a C in one class and my father would lose his mind about it. And my mom who told me I could always talk to her would yell at me when I tried to tell her I needed a day to stay home due to bad mental health.

I got more comfortable in some classes but even those classes when I had to do certain things it would trigger and I’d shut down and no one would understand. Choir was a big example. I was really comfortable in there with my friends and my teacher but when it came around time for solos or anything where the class or my teacher had to hear me by myself I’d feel myself start to shut down. But I couldn’t explain it to them and I doubt it’d do me much good to try to. So i’d just somehow suffer through whatever it was and nearly breakdown if not completely breakdown after. It was so mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing.

I dunno how everyone else’s feels but I not only feel my ability to speak just stop I also tend to space out entirely and not register much. I get lost in my own head, playing all bad outcomes over and over in my head. I pick at something or fidget with something, or I’ve even rubbed a small portion of my skin raw without realizing it. My breathing becomes short and labored as I literally feel my chest and throat tighten. Sometimes I’ll even end up crying depending on how bad it gets. Maybe its because my untreated SM has stemmed into social and general anxiety as well as depression but its such a horrible experience.

I’m now 21 and I’ve had 1 job and it was possibly the worst experience of my life. The job pushed me to my lowest and I’ve been stuck here since. My breakdowns have been happening more often than I’d like to admit. There was a point where i’d come home and breakdown nearly every day after work. I dreaded going but I couldn’t bring myself to quit. Then Harvey hit and our store flooded and we were expected to go to nearby stores while they remodeled but it took me so long to get at least mostly comfortable with everyone in our salon I couldn’t bring myself to go through all that again with new people it took a lot out of me to do it the first time. That on top of how bad my mental state was because of the job I just couldn’t. So I took that opportunity to quit. I haven’t been employed since but that’s because my mom kept telling me not to because of her and my dad’s clashing work schedules and my lack of license and car so I wouldn’t have a reliable ride to and from. So we put it off.

I quit back in Aug of 2017 and the entire time I’ve been unemployed I’ve felt like garbage for not working but every time i brought it up my mom just brushed it off. Yes I could’ve just gotten a job but I wouldn’t have a ride without her and I didn’t want to burden her with that. Even though my mom brushed it off my dad always brought it up and made me feel like shit about it. My dad never tried to understand what I was going through and was often hypocritical about a lot of things. When i’d sleep for too long because I was depressed he’d yell at me but he could sleep all day if he wanted. In Oct a lot of stuff happened and my parents have ended up separating. My mom doesn’t make enough to cover bills  and groceries. My sister and her family are staying with her us for the time being as well which is a whole nother situation for my anxiety. But due to this my mom applied to for food stamps but because I’m an adult who isn’t working they wanted my psychiatrist (who I haven’t seen since high school because I no longer have insurance) to fill out a form saying i couldn’t work or they wanted me to apply to work force for them to help me get a job. Mind you for the last 3 years I’ve wanted nothing more than to go back to my psychiatrist and get help, especially with how bad my depression is. But I don’t have insurance and because of how shitty our system is I can’t get any so that wasn’t an option. So I was stuck with workforce.

When we went the first time I had forgotten my wallet with my SS and ID which they said I wouldn’t need so we went in to apply or whatever only to find out that I did need it. And in that short not even 5 mins my anxiety spiked so high that it took me 30 mins in the car to calm down. I felt like everyone’s eyes were on me and I was shaking so bad. We went back the next day and I broke down merely filling out the form because someone continued to come over and check on us. It was hard to breathe and I even cried. I hate crying in public I try my best to hold out til I’m at least away from people but I couldn’t. A month prior to all of this I had made plans with my BF to come down for the holidays until after the New year to see him and meet his mom who had come back from Germany and invited me. But when we got the letter that I had to go into the workforce and do stuff I only had like 2 days to do so. We went in the last day and the lady I was sat with (by myself btw) made it very apparent. When I told her the situation she proceeded to be like “todays the last day and you have to come in tomorrow to work with us. What do you want me to do?” in a very condescending tone, talking to me like I’m an idiot. At this point I’m already internally freaking out and I’m trying not to cry again and I start stuttering out an IDK when she cuts me off and calls her supervisor and gets an answer. After that she was oh so sweet to me but before she was very snarky and made me feel like a dumb child. It was back to back questions of “have you worked? How long? Why did you quit?” As if I chose to be unemployed this long without a good reason.

She sent me off and I started walking to my mom and she told me I nearly passed out doing so before I ran outside to just broke down, collapsing on the side walk. I couldn’t enjoy my 3 weeks away from home because all I could think about was coming back and doing that all over again. I could only think about coming back and being talked to like an incompetent child. Being talked to like some lazy idiot who hasn’t worked for the past 2 years out of sheer laziness. I’ve had literal consistent daily breakdowns over this in the past week. I have literally had trouble sleeping because of this. I come home and I try talking to my mom about it because i have to go back before the 9th and she either brushes me off or tells me “Ik you’re uncomfortable” as if me having 3 breakdowns in the same day and nearly passing out was just uncomfortable. Or she’d tell me “idk what you want me to do. I didn’t ask for things to be like this” as if I was saying I was blaming her for this as if I didn’t know what our situation was right now. My mother who always told me I could always go to her about anything won’t listen to me or downplays my anxiety when its literally made the last 3 weeks living hell. I just I don’t understand.

Idk what this post became tbh I’m a mess.

[turnsoutnoonewasexaggerating]

Part 11 of The Sam Diaries

Read on Ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10507836/chapters/27140973

20:47: Is this Eunoia?

20:47: Yes? Who are you?

20:48: It’s Neil Josten. I was trying to get hold of Sam’s number to tell him the police got a hold of the guy at the game but I couldn’t find it.

20:49: If u managed to get a hold of my mobile number in Greece I don’t think it was the police who took him away

21:01: Why doesn’t Sam have a phone?

21:05: He broke it last week and hasn’t replaced it yet Also kinda still can’t believe I actually know u pls b nice I am too excited and tired for this conversation

21:05: How did he break it? And I don’t think I’ve ever been good at nice sorry

21:06: He dropped it on the floor Apparently me in lingerie causes him to lose all motor functions

21:07: I didn’t need the extra info

21:07: Your fault for asking. Anywho, I’ll pass on the message. Thank you again for the game tickets and congrats on how well you played

21:09: Andrew’s probably bought those game tickets ten times over in ice cream by now

21:09: That is… Maybe a little bit true. I should probably give him discounts at this point

21:10: Do not it is hard enough keeping him to his diet schedule as it is

21:10: Rodger that. 21:11: Sam just asked me what I’m laughing at He is shocked and appalled at the idea of a meal plan

21:15: Don’t ever let him meet Kevin Day. He loves meal plans more than he loves his wife

21:16: Poor wife 21:20: So apparently ur demi too? Oh Shit sorry Sam’s just told me not to mention it I just haven’t met anyone irl other than Sam Ignore it

21:30: It’s fine 21:45: So Sam’s demi and he was just born like that?

21:46: Yes?

21:47: And you’re not demi right?

21:47: Nah I’m just a boring heterosexual.

21:48: I didn’t know there was a word for it I just thought I was different

21:49: Well u r but it’s not a bad thing. And it seems to be working for u guys fine!

21:50: Yeah. Thanks Eunoia.

10:52: Neil, I need to apologise I never thought I was going to get answers as to what happened to my parents And I definitely didn’t think the answers would be btw ur parents were spies Like that’s not a reality I ever had to live in Don’t get me wrong I’m 100% ready to stab ur uncle if he ever comes near me But Sam’s convinced me I shouldn’t have taken that out on u it’s not ur fault I’m sorry

11:10: Your parents were killed to save my life. I should be the one apologising. Are you ok? Also do not attempt to stab my uncle you will be killed before you even met him

11:11: Calm down crazy. U didn’t kill them. Sam's helping me through it. It's going to take a while to rewrite them in my head. I can't believe they lied to me for so many years. It's like, did I even know them? But the best thing for me is to get back to work doing what I love. And finish up wedding decisions as well :) I figured that. My parents were the good guys tho right?

11:12: I might as well have I'm glad you've got Sam. All the members of the FBI I’ve met are pricks but they were on the right side of the law I suppose. And they got taken out because they were too good at their jobs

11:12: Pls pass Andrew ur phone

11:13: Ok… 11:14: What?

11:14: Pls get ur bf’s head out of his self-deprecating arse. Also how much ice-cream will it take to win u over? I have a lot

11:15: Unfortunately it’s been stuck there since he was born. I’m sure we can come to an arrangement. Just how much of your ‘Death by Chocolate’ do you currently have stocked?

11:16: How big is ur fridge?

When Andrew had finally managed to coax a nervous and still visibly upset Neil out of the Maserati and into the shop (thankfully there didn’t seem to be any other customers in yet; Andrew had a feeling Neil would like this conversation even less in public), it’s to find Rosa deRosales behind the counter, not Eunoia. Rosa and Andrew stare at each other blankly.

“Oh yeah, Rosa, those famous Exy players I was talking about come in here all the time, I don’t really know why, but they’re pretty chill so don’t give them special treatment.” Eunoia’s voice calls from the back, getting steadily louder as she makes her way to the front. “Can you get the door for me babe?”

Rosa breaks eye-contact with Andrew to push the door to the back open and lets Eunoia, hidden behind a tower of white dopplers, into the front of the shop. She places them down on the counter carefully, having still not noticed Andrew and Neil.

Andrew takes a second to look her over. In all honesty, she looks like shit. She has bags under her eyes that speak of not just a bad night’s sleep but a truly horrific one, and she’s hobbling like she’s injured her feet in some way. Her hair, for the first time in their acquaintance, is tied back away from her face, and it makes her look serious in a way she rarely is. Her eyes are still slightly wild and more than a little haunted, but she’s calm in the way she unstacks the boxes and there’s nothing fake about her smile as she thanks Rosa.

“How long have you worked here?” Andrew says finally and Eunoia startles and looks at him in confusion.

“This is my first shift.” Rosa replies quietly, fidgeting with her apron. “I’m just helping out Eunoia while she gets some new staff, but I still fill her ‘fucked-up’ criteria.”

“You know each other?” Eunoia asks, gesturing between the two of them, giving a disapproving glance at her friend for calling herself and the other employees fucked up. Andrew shrugs.

“We were in the same foster home, but not at the same time.”

“Oh.” Eunoia says in surprise, and then she glances at Rosa and pales. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Rosa replies, and Eunoia looks vaguely sick when she looks back at Andrew. Andrew quirks an eyebrow, feeling like he’d missed something.

“I’m guessing that’s why you were barely sober over November and December in Junior High.” Eunoia says quietly, still talking to Rosa but not taking her eyes off Andrew.

“I couldn’t believe he was really dead after I’d spent all of Freshman High hiding from him at your house.” Rosa agrees, just as softly. Neil and Andrew both stiffen.

“I suppose that makes Eunoia one of the ‘good friends who got you to the hospital in time’?” Andrew manages, eventually. Eunoia shakes her head.

“We didn’t go to the same university.”

“Not that that stopped her from flying halfway around the country to visit me in hospital in the middle of her exams.” Rosa smiles, poking her friend in the side.

“Way too many fucking coincidences.” Neil says, blinking at them all. Eunoia agrees with a laugh, and if it’s a little more hard-won than it usually is, that’s to be expected. They’re going to be ok.

"At least half of those better be mine." Andrew deadpans, pointing at the dopplers, when the feeling in the room gets a little to sappy for him to stomach, and this time when Eunoia laughs there's nothing hesitant about it at all.

“Andrew.” Kevin’s never been one for conventional greetings.

“Kevin.” Andrew replies, because neither has he.

“Are you free?” Andrew assumes he means to chat, and wonders when Thea had managed to persuade Kevin to be a little less brisk and demanding on the phone. He’s not entirely sure he likes it. He stretches out on their couch, secretly pleased with the fact that he’s short enough that his whole body fits on it lengthways with some wiggle room, and closes his eyes, listening to Neil switch on the coffee machine. Neil thinks that when the coffee machine is whirring Andrew can’t hear him singing along to the radio, and Andrew sees no reason to inform him of the truth, especially when after last week’s mess with Sam and Eunoia, Andrew was worried the singing wouldn’t come back for a while.

“From Neil? Unfortunately he’s still alive and annoying as ever.”

“Of time constraints you bastard.” Now there’s the Kevin he knows and- Knows. “I thought we could get lunch.”

“You live on the other side of the country.” Andrew deadpans, intrigued despite himself.

“And now I’m in your town.” Kevin says back with his usual stoic demeanour, no hint as to why he’s travelled hundreds of miles just to take Andrew out for lunch.

“What happened? Did you finally leave Muscles to do something about your Knox boner? Come to have a gay crisis with me?” Andrew can tell Kevin’s fuming through the phone, and Andrew knows the only reason he hasn’t exploded in rage is that he’s not sure what part of Andrew’s speech he’s most upset about.

“No.” Kevin grounds out, through gritted teeth. “I’ll meet you at that Italian place Neil took us to last time. Don’t bring him.” The line clicks dead before Andrew can ask what the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

“What the shit is going on, Day?” Andrew announces as he strides up to Kevin’s table, ignoring the waiter chasing after him about waiting to be served. Kevin flicks an apologetic look at the staff as Andrew sits across from him, who predictably all swoon over the handsome celebrity.

“I owe you.” Kevin says, uncomfortably. It’s the last thing Andrew ever expects him to say. Luckily Kevin is used to Andrew’s taciturn ways and keeps talking without being prompted. “I didn’t hold up my end of our deal.”

Andrew’s eyes narrow as Kevin clenches and unclenches his scarred hand. He doesn’t think the striker even knows he’s doing it.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Andrew says, eventually. Kevin frowns at him.

“I know it’s been ages but that doesn’t make it ok.” Kevin protests, and Andrew wants to snarl at his stupidly thick head. He hated dealing with people who didn’t understand him.

Which basically translated to he hated dealing with anyone who wasn’t Neil.

“I came up with that deal because I was desperate, and much as I meant to hold up my end of it, the way I went about it was all wrong. I built my entire life around Exy and I didn’t think for a moment that you couldn’t do the same. I knew for certain that Exy could be more to you if you just let it, and I was right, but it couldn’t be the be all end all for you.” Kevin trying to apologise is almost amusing enough for Andrew to want to continue the conversation; his face is contorted with the effort of saying the right words, and he’s still failing miserably. It’s quite possibly the first time Kevin’s tried to genuinely apologise in his life. Andrew’s fairly certain he practiced this little speech.

“You’re not listening Kevin. You don’t owe me anything.” Kevin blinks.

“I don’t understand.” Andrew rolls his eyes and looks out the window as he fidgets idly with the knife on the table in front of him. Unfortunately not sharp enough to cut the pest.

“You picked Neil.” Andrew’s hand tightens around the knife at his admission, and he watches as understanding dawns on Kevin’s face.

“Oh.”

“You’re paying for the food.” Andrew insists, not letting Kevin linger on the topic for any longer.

“We’re only here because it’s got some options with really rich carb intake.” Kevin says sternly. Andrew sometimes amuses himself thinking about Kevin’s face if he saw how loosely Andrew followed his meal plan. (And by loosely he means one night a week he eats whatever green vegetable-filled meal Neil forces down his throat, and only because Neil hates vegetables just as much and Andrew will one day capture on camera the face Neil makes around spinach.)

Andrew sends a text to Neil informing him that he’s leaving Neil for his bowl of pasta later on, and occasionally offers a comment on Kevin’s latest analysis of the upcoming season, admitting to himself quietly, with a little bloom of warmth he usually only feels around Neil, that it’s because he enjoys talking to Kevin.

[groundramon]

I’m bored and I cant focus on my drawing so...

Since I’ve been ratting on Teen Titans all week even tho I insist I like the show (I SWEAR TO GOD I DO...I was off-put at first but? its okay, its hard for shows to immediately hook me), I think it’s only fair to list some of my major problems with some of my all-time favorite shows and some other shows that are currently on that aren’t really my favorite, but I still think are objectively decent and arguably pretty damn good.

I’m not gonna go in order from best to worst but here we go: (keep reading tag because this is going to get really fucking long and ik i dont usually do this with my rants but i feel like i should this time, idk im inconsistent this is a personal blog sorry)

Steven Universe: - I sometimes feel bad critiquing SU because it’s not too far into its run.  I love the show, some of the moments and even full episodes are legitimately mesmerizing, but it...has quite a few problems, yeah.

- The one I bitch the most about is the pacing.  Steven Universe tries to combine serialized storytelling, which is telling an overarching story over the course of several episodes (IE Avatar: The Last Airbender, most anime, ect), and episodic storytelling, which is telling several smaller stories that each fit in one episode with little to nothing connecting them besides the characters (IE SpongeBob, We Bare Bears, most cartoons honestly).  But emphasis on “tries”; Steven Universe, unfortunately, is not very good at blending these two styles.  Steven Universe ridgedly adheres to the idea of having a season that is half filler/”townie” episodes and half “cool alien”/plot-related stuff - and this is something that’s been confirmed, by the way.  So while this was fine in the first season (where the only true overarching plot-related episodes that weren’t just worldbuilding were at the end of the season) and the second season (where the plot episodes can be summed up all-together as “they catch and befriend Peridot and learn, not stop, the Cluster”), it isn’t in the later seasons.  Season 3 has the following plot points: the Cluster is defeated, Malachite is found and defeated and defused, Lapis joins the Crystal Gems, more homeworld gems (rubies) find earth, Jasper is corrupted and bubbled, its revealed that Rose Quartz shattered (killed) someone, and Steven gets lost in space because of a plan gone wrong with the Rubies (and he’s rescued in the last episode).  That is a paragraph worth of plot points.  And, being generous (IE including plot-forwarding episodes that feel more like filler than actual plot, like the baseball episode) that is 13 twelve-minute episodes worth of content.  All of those plot points are addressed in 2.6 hours time.  That is not long enough to visit all those episodes.  And there are a few more I didnt count that /are/ related to the aliens, but Bismuth and Centipeetle currently irrelevant and weren’t related to the plot points I listed so I didnt mention them.

- I’m also still waiting somewhat impatiently for resolution on certain character arcs.  Pearl’s behavior hasn’t been properly addressed for a while and I’m really hoping they dont wimp out of addressing what a piece of shit she can be sometimes.  Like, I love Pearl, but get the fuck outta hear with your Pearl stanning shit.  She’s unintentionally awful and I lvoe her for it.  I’m more patient about Bismuth but.......crewniverse, im starting to get a little impatient with her too.  Bring her back.  You should’ve brought her back in the next episode, because her friends shouldn’t have left her bubbled, but whatever.  It’s fine.  I’m fine.  (I’m not fine).

- Also, Lapis’s character arc.  Wasn’t properly addressed.  One episode she was saying she deserved to be with Jasper and the next she seems fine.  One episode she hates Peridot and two episodes (well several episodes, but two episodes as far as they appear) later they’re buddy-buddy with one another.  I get that there was probably a time gap where they developed closer with one another, but fuck, I would’ve liked to see that instead of Future Boy Zoltron but okay :) (and i dont even hate future boy zoltron, its just one of the few “meh” episodes I bothered to remember the name of)

- SPEAKING OF UNPROPERLY ADDRESSED CHARACTER ARCS I swear to god Crewniverse, if Amethyst was being sincere when she said she didn’t have self esteem issues anymore, I dont think I can call this one of my favorite shows anymore.  Where.  Where did she find the resolve to get over her self esteem issues.  The last time we saw her talk about them was when she broke down in Sardonyx’s room, but, she was speaking through Smoky Quartz (btw, where the fuck has Smoky been? I literally forgot about her because its been so long...).  But still, even if she WAS speaking through a fusion, before then she displayed the same self-destructive mindsets and she was never given the resolve to better herself.  All she did was wallow in her own pity with Steven (which? relatable, but not constructive).  Show us her getting the resolve to better herself.  Show her positively reinforcing herself.  Have her whisper “you can do this, Amy,” under her breath right before she kick’s a bad guy’s ass.  Have her high-five herself, have her cheer for herself, have her be sincerely proud and acknowledging her accomplishments.  Because that’s how you fix self esteem issues and kids should be taught that by someone other than a therapist or the internet.

- Just because a lot of these issues could be fixed with time doesn’t change where they are at this moment.  The past pacing issues might not ruin the show for me depending on the direction they go in, but I feel like they’re going to continuously make the same mistakes over and over - and with the intense direction this show is going now, the idea of having five filler/townie episodes in a row while Lars is in space is terrifying because of how awful that pacing is.  I do not care about Onion, please go back to Lars.  But even if they fix it and the rest of the series is near-spotless, what’s done is done, you cant fix the rushed pacing of the past seasons’ stories and the dumb filler that padded out the seasons in the wrong areas.

- Also, another problem with combining episodic and serialized storytelling is that SU’s story gets WAY too serialized for an episodic show.  There’s so much going on that you can’t just sit down and watch a random episode of the show and start watching the show from there, which is a huge problem when you have episodes like Onion Gang and Future Boy Zoltron that take up 30% of the episodes and offer literally nothing to the story and honestly arent usually even that great as far as episodic stories go.  You cannot have 30% of your serialized show be 100% filler.  That’s bad writing.  And SU is in denial of the fact that it’s too serialized to be episodic.

Gravity Falls: - I generally cite Gravity Falls as one of the best combiners of the traditional episodic and serialized styles.  It’s what Steven Universe dreams of being; it becomes serialized when it counts (the final half of the last season), but up until then, it’s episodic with just a few clues/reoccuring things sprinkled throughout.  However, this show is far, far from flawless.

- Some of the episodic shows, and I mean a lot of the episodic shows, have a tendency to feel rather generic.  Ah yes, a girl whose obsessed with boys and boybands.  Okay.  Seen that.  A nerdy, whimpy boy who has a crush on a cooler older girl.  Again, seen that.  I’m not saying that’s all there is to Mable and Dipper; clearly not.  But a lot of their traits encompass many different stereotypes, and while the characters themselves aren’t bad, the situations they find themselves in aren’t always the most original.  Sometimes I feel like Gravity Falls is a PG-rated Scooby Doo meets Disney Sitcom.  Which is okay if you like Scooby Doo and Disney Sitcoms, but it doesn’t always make for the most eloquent storytelling.  Which is fine for a kids show, but less fine for one of the cartoons heralded as a harbinger of the current cartoon renaissance (then again, I’m not into hardly any of the other harbingers of the “current cartoon renaissance” and I’d argue that we aren’t in a renaissance at all; we’re just finally, finally getting some decent cartoons after the awfulness that was the late 2000s)

- I’m gonna say it; we should’ve learned more about Ford’s adventures in the other dimension.  It’s possible some of the non-animation related materials (namely books) have information about his travels, but as it stands, I havent got a clue what happened to him during those years.  And I want to know.  I should know.  Its a glaring plot hole in all honesty, because we should know what happened to him and how it affected him.  Or maybe im overreacting idk.

Voltron: Legendary Defender: - Hoo boy, where do I even start with VLD

- VLD seems like a show that wants to be character-driven but somehow refuses to.  It wants you to be emotionally attached to the characters, but either it does that and does nothing with it, or it doesn’t even bother to do that.  The only characters whose struggles I care about are Pidge, Shiro, Allura, and only as of season 3, Keith.  Allura I was kinda on the fence about until season 3 but thankfully, if season 3 did one thing right, it was Keith and Allura (and yes I know people are complaining abt Allura’s treatment but I like watching my faves suffer).  That leaves two paladins - and Coran, but I’ll give him a pass because literally the only show that’s done a comedy relief right is ATLA so I’m not expecting him to be superbly well-developed - that I dont give a shit about.

- Lets start with Hunk.  GOD I want to love Hunk so much.  So FUCKING much.  But every time a new season comes out, I feel more and more disappointed.  This show is so obsessed with melding him down to “the fat kid who eats a lot and makes a lot of dumb jokes” and it’s....so disappointing, because there’s so much potential here for something more.  In the first episode of the series, we see Hunk display cowardice (which isn’t an uncommon trait for a fat stereotype) and a prowess for engineering.  Yes he’s a bit of a fat stereotype, but you know what?  I dont care if a fat character is cowardly, makes bad puns, likes to eat, throws up a lot, all that jazz.  I care that they’re more than that.  I hate the idea that a character having a stereotypical trait (assuming its not straight-up a caricature) makes them automatically stereotypical.  Sorry buddy but smart asian people exist.  Preppy blondes exist.  And food-loving fat people exist (hi! i know that last one is true because I am one).  But they’re so obsessed with ignoring Hunk’s other traits - his love of cooking and his engineering skills.  I dont even remember if he used his engineering skills in season 2 and I know he only used it once in season 3.  He didnt even cook in season 3.  And I think the most telling thing in this show is how the show described Hunk’s relationship with Shiro.  As Keith was expressing grief over loosing essentially his big brother figure, Lance thought back to when he viewed Shiro as a legend and a hero, Pidge reminisced about how her father and brother used to praise the guy, and Hunk?  Hunk basically said “uhhhhhh he taught me to pilot my lion.....that counts right.”  Because Hunk has no relationship with Shiro.  Because Hunk has no relationship with any character.  He doesn’t even have that much of a relationship with Lance, and the two seemed to be best friends - or at least friends - prior to the formation of team Voltron.  At best, Hunk is friends with Lance and Pidge.  But all Hunk has done with Keith is make bad jokes while Keith acted all loner-y, and Hunk hasn’t even interacted with Allura and Shiro.

- Now, speaking of Lance, lets talk about him.  While Hunk gets points from me because he’s a sweetheart who deserves better, Lance is a flirter whose too high on his own horse and makes even worse jokes than Hunk does.  Considering Lance is the one we follow in the first episode, I would’ve expected him to be the most centric member of the team.  But first off, fuck me for projecting anime stereotypes/tropes onto a western cartoon (even though voltron was originally an anime kinda but shhh), but secondly he actually is...the most forgettable of all the Paladins.  Yeah I said it.  I legitimately dont like Lance at this point.  Yeah, I said that too.  I basically cant remember anything about him besides the fact that he flirts and jokes around a lot and that Klance is inescapable (like, not that its inevitable that you’ll ship it, but you’ll never escape the fandom for it).  He’s Sokka with all the charm, intelligence, and depth taken out of him, and also bi but that’s the only improvement.  Seriously, what...draws you all to Lance?  I dont want to judge, but he’s just....so stereotypical.  So boring to me, despite being the most lively paladin.  And the development cockteasing.  Oh, the development cockteasing.  I cant tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up specifically because of something the show said about Lance/Lance seeming to be insecure about something, only for them to immediately shoot it down and replace it with more bad jokes or...nothing at all.  Because did Lance even do anything in season 3?  He pilots Red now, he had a funny bit with Blue during the “breakup”, he comforted Keith, Keith comforted him, uhhhh ??? did he even have a line in episode 7??  I feel like there might’ve been episodes where he literally had no speaking parts.  The only good things I can say about Lance so far are: 1. sometimes hes really fucking funny, and 2. it looks like they COULD be building up to something.  But if they’re just cockteasing me all the way through, I’m disowning dreamworks entirely.

- The tone of the show? also shouldn’t vary as much as it does.  The tone of a show varying is fine, but it shouldn’t vary in the way it does in Voltron prior season 3 (I’ll get to what I mean by that in a second).  In season 1 and season 2, the heavy moments of the show were almost entirely carried by Shiro; there was something for Pidge and something for Keith, but even then, Shiro got involved or was there for the entire time.  Shiro, by merely existing, brings the tone of this show down to something almost too serious for a kid’s show (emphasis on almost).  During the light-hearted parts, he just has to keep his mouth shut, because the only time he’s done anything funny (besides ironically funny like with his new outfit and haircut) was when he was yelling at Sven.  Yelling should not be your only source of humor.  But the rest of the show?  Was pretty goofy, yeah it took itself seriously sometimes but it also knew how to have fun.  Which is fine, a show should be able to have fun sometimes.  But that means all parts of the show, including Shiro.  Shiro is physically incapable of having fun and that’s kind of sad.  Season 3 was better about this though; nothing in season 3 felt fun and goofy, like at all, besides Lance taking selfies with girls in the first episode, and that was just one scene.  So I mean, they didn’t fix their problem, but the tone didn’t vary as much.  And I’m not saying the tone shouldn’t vary.  No, it should; you shouldn’t have all serious moments or all goofy moments.  Have some fun, but also take yourself seriously sometimes.  The problem is that parts of the show can’t take themselves seriously (Lance, Hunk) and other parts of the show can’t take a joke (Shiro, Zarkon/any villain too but they get a pass since they’re villains).

- Also we REALLY should know all of the Paladins’ backstories by now, ESPECIALLY Keith’s.  I know his is a mystery, but we need to know what he knows or else we cant get invested in the mystery.  If we dont have the same facts as the characters, we dont know where to start or what to expect.  We should’ve also seen flashbacks to Lance and Hunk’s families - ESPECIALLY Lance’s, since he seemed to care so much about them, but welp now that’s gone :).  We should’ve also seen more flashbacks to Pidge’s family but at least she’s trying to find them.  Nobody else gives a shit about their families and I just.  Aaaaaaaaaa this show infuriates me sometimes.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: - There’s nothing wrong with ATLA, move the fuck along

- I’M JOKING IM JOKING SWEATS okay but it’s no surprise I like ATLA and think its near flawless.  But still, it’s near-flawless, not flawless.

- If you cant stand a little kiddish cheese, you wont be able to stand ATLA.  ATLA takes itself super seriously for something on Nickelodeon, especially something on Nickelodeon in the mid-to-late 2000s (god I wish I watched this show as a kid, my standards would’ve been so much higher and i would’ve known what animation could actually do if you tried) but it’s still written for kids.  Which is fine!  I actually prefer things written for children over things written for adults.  But if you can’t handle something with content that’s clearly written for children, ATLA isn’t for you.

- Ozai fucking sucks.  There’s no other way to put it, his character fucking sucks.  He’s meant to be the embodiment of pure evil, he’s not meant to be sympathetic like Zuko, but for fuck’s sake, we needed his backstory.  And no, The Search doesn’t count; love that comic book, but that’s not enough backstory on Ozai (unless I’ve forgotten an important scene in the comic, idk its been a while).  Azula isn’t a sympathetic villain but we see her reasons and backstory.  Give us something like that for Ozai.  Show us a character that was emotionally neglected and then grew up in a society where killing and genocide were encouraged and praised.  THATS the backstory for Ozai I want.  I want to know where he came from to fuel my hatred for him, to see him as a real person but not as someone who should’ve done what he did, and I want to hate him BECAUSE he feels like a character.  Right now he just feels like the embodiment of evil and that doesn’t make for a good, truly intimidating villain.  A truly intimidating villain is one that you understand and can possibly relate to.  Not...whatever the hell Ozai is.

- Katara and Aang’s romance plot fucking sucks.  I am ace/aro and cannot write romance for shit nor tell when characters have chemistry, but I can still tell this.  It’s not...forced?  It’s not...rushed?  But it’s unnecessary and poorly written and it’s just puppy love and honestly if it was real live I couldnt see their relationship lasting.  Also the idea of seeing someone as a brother and then dating them later is verrrry .... poorly worded to say the least bUT ANYWAYS NEXT BULLET POINT

- Toph and Suki could’ve been developed more.  Like, they were okayly developed, they were great characters, but idk.  Toph didn’t grip me nearly as much as Sokka, Aang, and Katara and I feel kind of bad about it, but thinking about how much development the others got compared to her, it’s not really surprising.  I also am not the hugest fan of rude characters anymore, but I digress.  Also Suki.  Suki had like, little to no development.  I want Suki to be part of Team Avatar.  Can we do that

- General Zhao also fucking sucks.  He’s so generic that the first few times I watched the show, I forgot he was even a significant reoccuring villain.

- Sokka could’ve also been more developed but they could’ve all been more developed honestly?  You can always add to perfection.  I shouldnt complain about Sokka tho, he was finely developed and I love my nonbending son

The Legend of Korra: - Uhhhh the first season’s ending?  0/10 bad, rushed, not good.  I wanted to see Korra deal with the loss of her other elements.  I wanted to see her cope with that.  But no, because Nickelodeon kept screwing over LOK, they had to rush it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for the series if they potentially had to end it after one season.  Fuck Nickelodeon :) but I’m still going to critique LOK for it even if it is Nickelodeon’s fault.

- Bolin and Mako were horribly underdeveloped.  Especially Bolin.  It’s so sad how underdeveloped “Team Avatar” was in this series compared to the last series.  I feel bad complaining about Toph, Suki, and ESPECIALLY Sokka in comparison to LOK.  The only one even comparably as bad is Suki, but she got half a season to be developed and these two got an entire series.  We got some of their backstory and then...that was it, besides the love triangle that Bolin was barely part of.  I guess they were kinda irrelevant for season 2 and season 4, but they had no reason to be missing in the later half of season 4, plus they had season 1 and season 3, so....  God, poor Bolin.  It would’ve been nice to see a nice (fat) comic relief guy like him get the same treatment as Sokka, but whatever....its fine.......ill just sit here patiently waiting for my good representation coughs.  Also all Mako did was do the love triangle and I Do Not Like Him for it.  Keith is a better Mako than Mako ever was because Keith dont need no love triangle and also he already has more development

- Asami also should’ve been more developed, but it looks like there’s potential for more development in the comics so thats good.  From the series alone though, she was pretty flat; better than Bolin and Mako for sure, better than Suki from the original series, but not nearly as good as Toph or the others.  At least she did have some development and a likeable personality that’s relatively original.

- I hate saying this but...Korrasami should’ve been more developed.  I wouldn’t like, take points off of a rating for this point because I mean it was the first lesbian/gay representation in a kids cartoon (from my understanding) and Nick might not’ve even known they were sneaking in something romantic at the end, not to mention they completely subverted the love triangle plot so it actually gains back favor in that way and its great.  Also, I mean, they had that buy-curious joke lmao.  And I’m pretty sure its expanded upon more in the comic; there wasn’t really room to expand upon it in the show because it was just starting.  But they probably could’ve done better than that.  It was still okay though and also, the subverting of the love triangle trope is the greatest thing ever and i long for the day that I can do that plot twist in one of my shows lmao.

- The Villains could’ve been more developed.  Besides Ammon (who is FUCKING AWESOME and you can FIGHT ME) they all had the same problem as Ozai; we dont have many reasons to see them as human or relatable and it makes it hard to hate them as much as we should.  I mean, they do show /some/ human qualities which I appreciate, but I dont entirely understand their motivations half the time and I want to know how they came to view the world the way they do.  But at least unlike Ozai, they do feel somewhat human.  (Except maybe Unaloq, I didnt like Unaloq very much)

And that’s like half of what I could say about each of those shows, and those are just some of my favorite shows I watch.  Dont ask me to go off on like, AOT or something, because I’ll be writing for another three hours lmao (actually feel free to because i wanna INSULT this PIECE OF GARBAGE ANIME that looks rlly pretty but otherwise IS BAD AND IDK WHY I WATCH IT lmao [idk if im joking or sincere sorry])  No show is flawless so I’m going to insult whichever flaws I see.  Fight me.

[powerfulexistance]

This is a very short list of things that either gave Echo anxiety or the special accommodations that I had to make for her on a day to day basis, just so people get an idea of what living with her was like and why putting her down was the best option. I will say again, if she ever reacted in a way that I did not know how to handle, I always asked a professional that I trusted for advice and learned how to change my behavior to help her. Also not all of these things in and of themselves affected her quality of life. Most of these things I was content to live with and manage. Just... in the end all of this combined and was too much for her to handle. (And for those of you PMing me, asking if you should put your anxious pet down, please stop. I am in no position to give you advice about an animal that I do not know. Please talk to a behavioralist in your area or see about scheduling an appointment with a vet knowledgeable in anxiety/anti-anxiety medications.) -Echo bit when over aroused, frustrated, when interacting with certain dogs, and when in prey drive. This meant that I had to severely limit her interactions with her favorite toys that "fed" her prey drive and keep her away from most dogs. Towards the end, when she had enough energy to play, she became unable to focus on anything but what she wanted (which is why she could only go out with Creed and Fox, who didn't mind her being rude, until I could grab her and try to "reset" her brain pattern). -Reminder that her prey drive was also crazy high and she was not at all "clear headed" once she got into that state of mind. I would have 8-10 seconds to get her under control before she was lost to her desire to chase. She even became physically unresponsive to pain when engaged this way (and had snapped several collars/leashes/harnesses over her lifetime-- mostly when the metal was too soft). -Echo had high energy needs due to her anxiety. I've mentioned before that on my days off she got 5+ hours of exercise and on the days I worked she got 1-2. This, imo, did not create a monster who needed exercise, but just tired her out enough so she would not freak out at every little thing. She settled in the house well until her last few months when she could easily be set off by very slight things. -Echo was not only a picky eater but also likely to go on hunger strikes due to stress. The vets we visited never had any suggestions for us that worked. I've probably deleted most of the text posts by now but she regularly ate less than what I wanted her to eat. Week long periods where she wouldn't eat a bite were regular in the house (no matter what we did). Since December she ate very, very little, resulting in lack of energy, hunger pukes, discomfort, and other issues. When she did manage to eat small amounts her last week she always puked it up. -There was a few times that Echo was clearly suffering from some sort of nightmare/PTSD issue? It resolved itself before I could do much about it but she would wake with a start and attack me because she couldn't tell who I was. (Sometimes would attack me if my snoring startled her awake too.) Normally she would just get a mouthful of blanket or land a nip to my face, but I could tell that it was a pure reflex thing for her. Afterwards she would be very scared of what happened, much like she hadn't been in control. Sometimes on walks she would also suddenly forget who I was but she seemed to blink it off in a few seconds in these cases too. These things were thankfully only an issue when she was unmedicated for her anxiety, which was at two different points in her life; previous to 6 months when she was not on meds and when she had to go off her meds at 17ish months to switch brands. -At the end she was having seizures of some sort? Her bloodwork looked fine but I know something was off. She would twitch in the face and her eyes dialed in and out. I often didn't catch it when it happened, but I know it was going on (changes in mood and energy levels afterwards). -Echo was also very afraid of people. So, /so/ afraid. All people scared her, but children especially terrified her. She had to be in a very good place mentally to not be shattered by a wayward look. Those days were hard to come by, especially in the end. In order for her to be comfortable around people there had to be dogs around, have many previous interactions, get great treats, and lots of off-leash time so she could run away as needed. Asking her to live in a world where interacting with people is a necessity was asking a lot. -She was smart. She knew how to make the rear windows in my car roll down so that she could escape (if I ever forgot to put the child lock on). She also knew that with certain leashes and harness combos she could spin and the leash clip would undo. Ultimately, with knowledge came anxiety for her, knowledge that x followed y and sometimes was associated with z. She picked up patterns very quickly and could outsmart anyone not paying extremely close attention. -Sometimes she would bark at things outside (a regular thing before 5 months of age and in her last few months). It would get her so worked up and on edge on her bad days that I'd have to take her outside to change her mental state or she would froth at the mouth and pant like she had ran for miles. Even once the trigger was gone she'd obsess about it for hours, and remember it for days or weeks and check for the trigger often. -She had OCD behavior that would keep her (and me) up all night. It was worse when she was in pain from not eating. She would also growl/defensive "bite" the people I lived with when this happened because they couldn't read her stress signals. If I wasn't paying attention she'd bite me too, such as idle petting while watching shows did became an issue. -One bad experience, with anything, would shatter her and I'd have to rebuild most behaviors that were even semi-related from the ground up. When she caused me to crash on my bike for example she lost her left/right cues although we hadn't used them within several minutes of the accident. Side note: this training issue was one of the hardest things to deal with because something would screw her over about every other day. This meant no LLW, no impulse control, and extreme fear related to previously desensitized items (among other things). -She caused countless issues in the car. I couldn't exercise her in my neighborhood/anywhere within walking distance so the car was necessary. The two worst experiences were when 1) a child rolled down a tinted window in a car next to us and 2) when a child was riding a bike on the sidewalk towards us. Both times she broke the restraining devices I had in my car and parts of my car that she had been tied to. Both times she would throw herself into the front of the car for me to comfort her and she'd change my gears or put on my emergency break. I had many, many safety measures in place so these things would not happen btw, I was very careful, but she still managed to put us (and everyone around us) in danger. And these were only /some/ of her issues. I purposefully kept her negative attributes off the internet because Tumblr/dogblr is, for me, a place to show how much I cared for Echo. So that is why I'm posting this. This list is not here for me to be judged by, but for everyone to see the difference between a dog that can be managed vs a dog that was suffering.

[bwicblog]

RS: | Is Anyone Here not Enthralled by the Battle Talk | ? |

ID: yo.

RS: | Because | Heavens | I know I'm Not |

RS: | How Did That Even Start | ? | =:1 |

ID: i hit things until they stop moving, don't need to talk about it. =:I

ID: nerds. that's how.

VA: I Think iT sTemmed frŏm Talk abŏuT The upcŏming fair

RS: | Yes | Haha | That's about All You Need to Do | Isn't It | ? | RS: | Or Hit Them Hard Enough You can Abscond |

ID: i mean. i always hit them until they stop moving but absconding works for you so rock it.

ID: don't need to read about armies to figure out how to cull a troll. =:/

VA: Survival is The mŏsT impŏrTanT parT anyway

RS: | Haha | Well | I don't Always Abscond | RS: | Just | Mostly | It's a Little Pointless to Actually Fight People |

RS: | Never Mind | Cull Them |

ID: hey you take that back. =:P

RS: | Haha | Me | or VA | ? |

RS: | Survival is Important | ! | =:B |

ID: well i meant you but i guess i can fight survival too.

VA: I dunnŏ, survival is preTTy alrighT

LL: That's what I keep SAYING, tbh! LL: Like, everyone's on about fighting with STICKS and I don't GET why you don't just go and pick up a GUN.

VA: WaiT why are yŏu here

VA: Yŏu're Teal

LL: Insider secrets??

ID: fucking hell we're under attack.

LL: Also I'm moirails with ID.

ID: ...other id.

LL: The REAL one, not the dude that won't fight with a gun.

VA: ŏh, ThaT's beTTer Than The answer I was expecTing

ID: i have psi, i am the gun!

LL: IDK, I was just CURIOUS.

LL: Oh, shit.

LL: See, that actually makes SENSE!

VA: I dŏ jusT fine wiThŏuT ŏne

LL: Yeah, I was just CURIOUS about why there's a LOWBLOOD channel. LL: I can only see it like HALF the time anyways, I think the OTHER mod keeps kicking me.

LL: Yeah, but, like do you FIGHT people with guns?

LL: Bc if so: BADASS, tbh.

RS: | I have Contemplated Firearms on Occasion |

VA: I mean, I have

RS: | They're very Efficient |

LL: ^^^^

RS: | | Also | Dramatic | Haha |

ID: i fight everyone.

ID: but when you're reaching for your gun you're fucked!

RS: | You can Do All Sorts of Tricks with Them | ! | More Glamorously than With Psi | Hadean | =:P |

VA: BuT I have mŏre use fŏr a differenT kind ŏf weapŏn

ID: i can do anything with my psi that you can do with a gun. =:P

LL: How's that different from reaching for a SWORD?

RS: | Well | Yes | RS: | But When You are Using Your Psionics | There's Always a Bit of a Pause | Isn't It | ? |

ID: depends?

RS: | Can You Spin It Sixty Times in a Minute | ? |

ID: ...depends?

RS: | Er | That is to Say | You Said You can Copy Any Trick with a Gun | With Your Psionics | RS: | And I Sincerely Doubt You can Spin Your Psionics | =:P |

ID: jokes on you. =:P

LL: Psi's pretty COOL, tbh. My ID's got some sick pink psionics going on, they look pretty EPIC. LL: But I'm pretty sure I could get any psion with a BULLET in the PAN before they could crush me with their SPONGES or whatever it is they do.

LL: And, LOL

LL: RS has a POINT!

ID: is that id just. the telekinetic kind? stock psi model?

LL: Are there different KINDS?

VA: LŏTs

ID: ahahah.

LL: Oh, shit. I thought it was just, like LL: COLORS

ID: you innocent teal child.

ID: fuck no!

ID: i can't lift shit with my mind!

VA: I knŏw a guy whŏ can breaThe fire

LL: I mean, I know CERULEANS got weird shit, and CLOWNS have emotion stuff.

RS: | Your ID has pink psionics | ? |

LL: Whaaaat

TC: Fuck clow~s

LL: And I GUESS, RS. They're not, like, PINK pink.

LL: More like magenta?

LL: Does that MEAN something??

VA: Dŏes iT?

ID: fuck if i know. mine are usually just plain ol dark maroon.

RS: | Hahaha | It Means He has a Great Deal of Misfortune | in Both His Naming | and His Colours | =:B |

LL: What's THAT mean?

RS: | The Colours don't Mean Anything | RS: | Mine are White | ! |

LL: Why's that mean he's UNLUCKY, though?

VA: Iunnŏ, because magenTa is a high-visibiliTy cŏlŏr?

LL: Huh! LL: That's TRUE.

LL: ... He, like, works in an OFFICE, though. LL: I'm p sure it doesn't really MATTER.

RS: | Oh | RS: | I knew a Troll | named ID | with Similar Coloured Psionics | RS: | And | He's Dead | That's All | ! | RS: | It's an Unfortunate Coincidence | =:B |

RS: | That's All |

LL: Oh, SHIT.

LL: Man, that's bad VIBES.

RS: | Isn't It | ? | RS: | Yours Sounds More Reputable | Though | ! | Offices are Nice | RS: | Hardly any Culling There |

LL: Besides, ID's just his HANDLE, not his NAME.

TC: Awkward

ID: boringgg.

VA: ThaT is an unfŏrTunaTe cŏincidence

LL: Dude, fake ID, if YOU had pink psi you'd be freaking, don't even FRONT.

ID: offices btw, not culling of friends.

LL: Oh, mb.

RS: | Hahaha | Not a Friend | Thankfully | RS: | And | Yes | But | On Less Superstitious Topics | RS: | | VA |

RS: | and | TC |

TC: What

RS: | What Colour are Your Psionics | ? |

RS: | Since ID and I | have Already Shared | ! |

ID: va is a flatscan.

TC: They do~'t have a color.

VA: I dŏn'T have any

RS: | We are Educating LL | So | RS: | | Oh |

TC: ! just touch th!~gs

RS: | I'm Sorry to Hear That | ! |

TC: A~d the~ they just - do the th!~g

RS: | Oh | The Thing | ? |

ID: ps pheres most flatscans don't like to be told i'm sorry about them being flatscans.

VA: Eh, iT happens

VA: IT wŏulda made wŏrk easier, buT I wasn'T sŏ lucky

LL: Dude, I don't have psi, and it's no big DEAL.

RS: | Oh | ! | Well | Ah |

LL: Besides, don't you, like WRECK with WEAPONS like you were on about?

RS: | I Apologise | VA | RS: | Even if You Don't Mind |

ID: ahahah you're teal.

LL: I still think my guns're LOADS better.

ID: of course it's not a fucking big deal.

TC: ! speed the decay t!me of objects, RS

VA: IT's differenT fŏr lŏwblŏŏds T'nŏT have psii

ID: eww tc.

LL: How's it DIFFERENT?

RS: | If It Helps | My Psionics are Hardly Worth Having | Haha | RS: | They're Barely There | Really | ! | I Spark a Little More than LL | Maybe | =:) |

TC: Shut up !D

ID: man when did it turn in to psionic share hour.

ID: because it is ll. you have value in society other than being a psi.

VA: Because sŏ many ŏf us Dŏ have psii, ThaT Thŏse whŏ dŏn'T are kinda unusual

RS: | When You Failed to Give a More Engaging Topic | RS: | Than the Murder Hour Happening in the Main Lobby |

LL: IDK, I think it's pretty COOL. LL: I didn't even know you could DO shit like mess with TIME.

RS: | =:P |

LL: That's HELLA trippy.

AC: .u. it happens

AC: some psiionics are very strange

LL: Oh, shit, it's the sorry guy.

LL: Hey, what's UP?

RS: | ? | ? | ? |

ID: okay, better subject than psi!

ID: is every loser here going to the fair?

VA: Aye

ID: no nerd history talk allowed in your answer.

AC: Ø .u. the nice weather, there are some very pretty clouds overhead. Ø

LL: NAH, but only to the LOSER part.

TC: !'m go!~g to k!ck AH's ass

AC: Ø I keep trying to find lusus shapes in them Ø

LL: Is EVERYONE gonna go fight?

TC: Yes

VA: I'm gŏnna sell weapŏns and armŏr

LL: And shit, u rite, AC

LL: u rite

ID: wait which one is ah.

AC: Ø I'm going with Pheres Ø

TC: The blue o~e

AC: Ø To help him sell stuff! Ø

ID: oh gliese.

LL: Oh, the one that's got a halberd up her WASTECHUTE.

ID: don't fight gliese gliese is my cheerleader.

LL: Dude, TOTALLY fight her.

ID: i need her waving pompoms for me and shit.

VA: FighT her

ID: ye olde medieval cheerleader.

LL: What if I wave the pompoms?

AC: Ø .n. gosh, everyone always mentions Gliese but I've never met her Ø

TC: !'m go!~g to punch them !~ the gut t!l they vom!t l!ke RR d!d earl!er

AC: Ø maybe that's a good thing though? Most people don't seem to like her. Ø

ID: you don't even know the routine ll.

LL: I can make a BETTER one, DUH.

RS: | Haha | AC | Be Glad |

ID: tc no fighting gliese.

RS: | Was She Dreadful to You | LL | ? |

LL: And idk, AC, I kinda LIKED her until she started being SHITTY for, like, NO REASON!

TC: Shut up !D

AC: Ø Oh, that's too bad .n. Ø

AC: Ø I hope she wasn't too awful Ø

LL: Like I ASKED what her issue was and she wouldn't even SAY.

AC: Ø .n. Ø

ID: seriously. no fighting gliese.

VA: She's jusT anŏTher blueblŏŏd

LL: It's, like, if you're gonna be WEIRD, at least OWN it.

RS: | Oh | That's Unfortunate | I'm Sorry |

TC: St!ll go!~g to f!ght her

RS: | | Hadean | Ah | Are You especially Fond of Her | ? | RS: | I wasn't Aware |

LL: It's NBD but I'm TOTALLY cheering for TC.

ID: i said no fighting gliese. got a problem with it, take it up with me at the fair. and i will dissuade you.

AC: Ø .n. Ø

ID: she fed me.

AC: Ø Um Ø

ID: that buys my loyalty for like. a perigee.

LL: Dude, I will buy you a food TRUCK.

TC: !'ll f!ght you too

VA: Have sŏme mŏre pride

AC: Ø Who's everyone friendly with though? Ø

ID: come at me tc. make sure you can't rot shit ever again.

RS: | Heavens | Am I Expected to Feed You at the Fair | ? | RS: | Because | If So | RS: | I suppose You should Tell Me Your Coffee Preferences |

VA: I dŏn'T mind mŏsT ŏf Th'lŏwblŏŏds I've meT

AC: Ø .u. Pheres makes good coffee Ø

LL: I'm friendly with YOU, I think. >:D And ID, obvi. My ID, I mean. LL: IDK. LL: I guess I'm here to make FRIENDS.

ID: i don't drink coffee.

RS: | Why Not | ? |

ID: does nothing for me.

TC: Fuck!~g come at me

LL: Mine all up and SPLIT or DIED, so I don't, like, KNOW anyone anymore.

AC: Ø .n. that's really sad Ø

RS: | Oh | That's Unfortunate |

ID: i'm telling you to come at me tc.

AC: Ø I really hope you make lots of new friends!! You seem really energetic and fun. Ø

ID: you wanna fight gliese, you fight me first.

RS: | Come to the Fair | and Visit with Maidel and I | RS: | And Hadean | RS: | I am Sure We Can Direct You towards People You are Suited For |

TC: K

RS: | Assuming Hadean is Not Busy Fighting | the Entirety of the Fair |

LL: THANKS, I think!

ID: glad we got that settled!

AC: Ø Yes! Come visit our booth. ^w^ Ø

RS: | Aren't You Saving Yourself for Emerel's Fight | Hadean | ? | Haha |

LL: And HELL yeah. I'll bring you a SWORD and shit, even. LL: Since you all are into that shit.

MN: ;)

AC: Ø .n. you think? I really meant to be nice. Ø

TC: !'ll take a sword

RS: | Oh | ! | Yes | Please Do |

ID: i mean like i need my all to fight punching bag.

RS: | Come Buy a Sword | TC | I sell Hundreds | =:B |

LL: Dude, I only got ONE sword, sorry.

MN: you should dEfinitEly buy a sword from .PHERES.

RS: | | Not Hundreds | I think I Only Have Thirty on Hand Right Now | Actually |

ID: got plenty in reserves to fight tc!

VA: I'll meeT y'all fŏr a drink if y'wanT

LL: 31, now!

ID: and ll if she really wants to fight gliese.

VA: RS are yŏu a blacksmiTh?

LL: Hell no, I ain't fighting anyone unless they take a swing FIRST.

LL: Then I shoot 'em in the HEAD.

RS: | Haha | No | I am Not | ! | RS: | I am |

RS:

MN: whoa whoa whos fighting .GLIESE.

RS: | Um |

ID: great. noted ll.

TC: !'m mak!~g a 'Let's f!ght AH' Group, who wa~ts !~

ID: no one is fighting gliese.

ID: unless they fight me first.

MN: sorry but .I.m obligatEd to bE on .GLIESES. sidE for this onE so

TC: !'ll host the meet!~gs to pla~ !t

RS: | Emerel |

RS: | Really | ? | Haha |

MN: wEll who ElsE will watch star wars with .ME.

ID: yeah he and gliese are star wars nerd buddies too.

AC: Ø .u. those are fun movies Ø

AC: Ø I prefer the books though Ø

AC: Ø So much extra cool stuff! Ø

MN: .I. dont haVE timE for thE books usually

AC: Ø That's fair! I mean, some of them aren't very well written. .u. Ø

LL: What's STAR WARS?

AC: Ø Oh! It's about trolls rebelling against a fake, usurping Empire. .u. Ø

AC: Ø And restoring peace to the rightful one. Ø

RS: | Haha | Well | I Suppose I can't Object to Movies |

LL: Is it, like, all POLITICAL, or is it the COOL kinda rebellion?

AC: Ø It's kind of cheesy, but it's fun Ø

MN: rEally though MN: whosE thE rEal monstEr hErE whEn you brEak it down

RS: | Star Wars is a Film with Fantastic Fashion |

AC: Ø It's super cool! They blow stuff up and there's aliens and it's fun. Ø

RS: | That is What It Is |

MN: hEy .PHERES. wanna cosplay as stormtroopErs

AC: Ø And some of them have really cool weapons and psiionics! Ø

MN: complEtE with aiming skills

LL: I'm there for the blowing up and the ALIENS

LL: FASHION'S alright, I GUESS, but that's, like, not MY thing.

AC: Ø There's lots of aliens. .u. I'm kind of surprised the Empire let a film be made with so many alien characters! Ø

AC: Ø But I'm glad they did, a lot of the aliens are really weird and interesting looking. Ø

ID: i mean i wear a t-shirt and jeans every day of my life so. what's fashion.

RS: | Unfortunately | I am Matching with Maidel | =:( |

MN: it was a timE pEriod whEn wE wErE still ExpErimEnting with moViE ElEmEnts

RS: | But You are Free to Join Us | ! |

ID: except when i'm pheres' booth babe, then i'm wearing. white?

MN: .I.m not wEaring thE dElivEry uniform

RS: | | And | Ah | Hadean | RS: | Don't Forget | I am Dressing You as Well | So | That will Give You Practically a Written Definition of It | ! |

RS: | It Being Fashion |

RS: | Not White |

RS: | | I could Put You in White | Though |

LL: Are you watching at the FAIRE?

ID: i'm fine with not white. =:I

MN: .I. stand by my statEmEnt that whitE sucks

AC: Ø .n. but Pheres looks nice in white Ø

RS: | Hmm | How Pale are You | ? |

LL: White's good if it's the kind that GLOWS at a RAVE.

VA: WhiTe is beTTer fŏr hŏT climaTes

ID: i got plenty of tats. are tattoos fashion.

MN: oh .I. didnt say hE doEsnt look nicE in whitE bEcausE hE doEs

MN: its just a shitty color

LL: Tats are DEF fashion

AC: Ø .u. oh okay - pfff Ø

RS: | White is a Perfectly Good Colour | Emerel | RS: | The Best Colour | Really |

AC: Ø Emerel you're goofy Ø

MN: no it isnt stop that

RS: | But | Thank You for the Compliment | Both of You | =:P |

ID: well pheres i'm partially tattooed.

LL: I'm like 70% sure it's not actually a REAL COLOR.

MN: hE startEd it maidEl MN: with his whitE shirts

ID: so i'm partially always pale.

LL: Like BLACK and WHITE aren't colors, right?

MN: that stick out in thE dark

AC: Ø I guess he did, that's true u.u Ø

RS: | Marvelous | I will Have to Find Something to Show Those Off | Then |

ID: i mean i have them on my chest and back and arms.

AC: Ø Pheres, you started it all, I guess Emerel has a point there. How dare you wear nice shirts. Ø

VA: WaiT, dŏ yŏu have whiTe TaTTŏŏs ID?

MN: wEll that sEttlEs it MN: hadEan is going into this shirtlEss now

ID: well they're not stark white.

RS: | Heavens | ! | RS: | Well | Emerel | Am I at Least Allowed to Wear Terrible Shirts | or | Do I have to Eschew all Shirts | to Meet Your Standards | ? | =:) |

VA: ThaT's a cŏŏl idea. ShiT my nexT ŏne may have Tŏ be whiTe nŏw

MN: wEEEEEll

MN: .I. could answEr that but wErE in public ;)

LL: I think we're making it WEIRD again.

RS: | Hahaha | Not at All | RS: | Why would You Think That | ? |

ID: warning whtie fades like a motherfuck.

ID: you need to get them redone a lot.

RS: | Oh | Hm |

LL: Because MN totally just was like "Bluh bluh my answer is NSFW, bluh," dude.

RS: | Maybe You would be Well-Suited to Gray | Then | ! |

RS: | | I Mean | RS: | You could Interpret It That Way | RS: | If You are Weird |

AC: Ø .u. I like the shirt Pheres had designed for my uniform Ø

VA: I dŏn'T mind

AC: Ø It's very nice Ø

RS: | But I am Not | RS: | And Subsequently Did Not |

AC: Ø I like the red Ø

LL: There was a WINKY FACE!

RS: | Perhaps He Has Something In His Eye |

MN: ;)))

LL: Oh my god, I hate ALL OF YOU. D:

ID: i know a good guy va. if you can stand fish.

AC: Ø .n. I tried, LL Ø

ID: and him wanting you to smoke questionable herbs with him.

MN: wEll you arE thE onE in .OUR. chat so

LL: AC is my bro and the rest of you SUCK.

AC: Ø nooo, they don't suck Ø

MN: nobodys making you stay ll

AC: Ø they just um Ø

VA: I can fŏr The sake ŏf a gŏŏd TaTTŏŏ VA: My currenT guy is greaT, buT he's Teal

AC: Ø are affectionate Ø

AC: Ø they're very nice .u. Ø

RS: | Oh | Don't Run Them Off | Emerel | RS: | I Like Them | They are Endearing |

LL: And hell no, I'm not going to the chat with AH. LL: She wants my BLOOD.

ID: my guy is great, but he does uh. the thing where they do all the pokes with a hand needle. not a gun.

ID: so it takes for fucking ever.

AC: Ø ...I think she said she left? Looking at her last message. Ø

RS: | My Apologies for Causing You Discomfort | LL | ! |

VA: My arm was dŏne ThaT way

VA: Yeah, Takes a lifeTime and a half

RS: | We will Contain Our Japery | in Light of That | =:B |

LL: I mean. LL: There's nobody in that chat ANYWAYS, and I'm trying to hang out with PEOPLE.

MN: .I.m not MN: just pointing out that thEyrE not actually supposEd to bE in this chat tEchnically MN: so if wErE wEirding thEm out thats thEir fault not ours

AC: Ø beep boop I am secretly a robot. .u. Ø

AC: Ø boop boop whirr Ø

ID: looks good as fuck though!

LL: :\

ID: and i find it helps keep them looking nice longer. could just be my opinion though.

VA: Yeah, my arm was dŏne by an ŏrangeblŏŏd guy in a remŏTe area

MN: maidEl why are you a robot

AC: Ø .n. but I like LL, Emerel Ø

VA: Super greaT guy, I hŏpe he's sTill alive

AC: Ø oh I was just um Ø

LL: I USED to have a tat, but I had to get it get RID of.

AC: Ø I was making a joke, LL said they wanted to talk to people Ø

LL: Omfg

MN: thEn MN: likE ll MN: .I. wasnt tElling you not to maidEl

AC: Ø so I was being not a person a.k.a a robot Ø

RS: | Well | I Mean | They're Teal | RS: | I think They are Technically Allowed to Be Wherever They Want | ? |

ID: well that sucks ll. why?

LL: I TOTALLY didn't get that. LL: RIP, AC can't be my bro anymore. D:<

AC: Ø oh, I just - hahah .u. Ø

LL: JK, dude, don't even FLIP.

AC: Ø discriminatiooon Ø

AC: Ø no, I know you're joking .u. Ø

LL: And damn STRAIGHT I can be where I want! LL: Mostly cos I've got INSIDER CONNECTIONS, though.

ID: and it sucks when an artist dies on you va.

RS: | Robots Deserve the Disease of Friendship | Too | LL | =:B |

LL: And I had to get rid of the tat cos it's a huge, like, ID thing.

AC: Ø I know I'm bad at jokes sometimes but I got that one .u. Ø

LL: My line of work gets you on people's SHITLIST, you dig?

VA: ŏhh I see

ID: hahah. did you get your horns shaved down too?

LL: Yeah!

VA: ThaT's ŏdd fŏr a highblŏŏd

AC: Ø .n. did it hurt? Ø

ID: smart if you want to not be recognized.

VA: ŏr waiT, is iT nŏT ŏdd where yŏu live?

LL: Like a grubfucker!

AC: Ø whoa Ø

VA: Really?????

LL: And it's not THAT odd. I'm not the ONLY one I know, leastways!

AC: Ø you must be really tough! Ø

LL: HELL yeah! >:D

VA: Are yŏu dŏing iT righT?

ID: like. horns and sign and bloodcolor are your biggest identifiers!

LL: I mean, YEAH, but, dude, I had a LOTTA horn to knock off.

AC: Ø dang Ø

ID: so if you want to be sneaky you gotta get that shit taken care of.

VA: My rail shaves his and dŏesn'T geT pain VA: Unless iT jusT sTŏps hurTing afTer a while

LL: ^^^^^

LL: It don't hurt to, like shave 'em down a BIT on the regular, nowanights!

ID: i wonder what would happen if i shaved my floating horn.

ID: huh.

VA: His are like. Two, Three inches Tall

LL: First time when you're chopping off like a whole HEAD'S worth's a different STORY.

VA: AfTer shaving

RS: | Oh | It Hurts like Mad | the First Time You Cut Them Off |

RS: | But | It gets Easier After That | ! |

LL: Also, dude, WTF @ floating horn???

VA: I had nŏ clue. I knŏw iT hurTs like hell Tŏ break a hŏrn

ID: what you don't have a floating horn.

LL: Yeah, see, RS gets it!

LL: No, I got a floating MIDDLE FINGER for that HOOFBEASTSHIT.

AC: Ø I'm glad mine aren't too big. .u. Ø

RS: | Hahaha |

ID: i mean others can back up my floating horn claim.

AC: Ø it's true .u. Ø

RS: | He Does Have One | RS: | It is a Psionic Thing |

ID: all the coolest kids have one.

AC: Ø yup Ø

RS: | And | Be Glad | Maidel | ! | It is a Pain | Unfortunately |

LL: What happens when you're ASLEEP?

AC: Ø Big horns look really impressive but I can believe that. Ø

ID: yeah it keeps going.

LL: Or if someone, like, HITS it?

MN: at lEast your horns look grEat .PHERES.

LL: Like with a BAT or something.

ID: man i don't let people hit my horns.

LL: But what if they DID?

VA: Caring fŏr big hŏrns is hard Thŏugh

ID: i don't fucking know.

LL: It's never EVER happened?

RS: | They Do | But the Neck Pain is Awful | And | You can Never Lie on Your Back| For Starters | =:C |

RS: | And | Oh | Thank You | Em | ❤ |

AC: Ø .N. oh jeez Ø

VA: I shŏuld shave mine acTually...If They grŏw mŏre I wŏn'T be able Tŏ reach The Tŏps

ID: it's kinda a hard target. to hit my middle horn and not hit the main pair.

VA: CŏmfŏrTably

AC: Ø that's awful, Pheres Ø

RS: | Shave Them | VA | Before You have to Cut Them Instead | RS: | And | Haha | That's Why I Keep Mine so Short Now |

ID: wait you're supposed to be able to reach the tips of your horns. missed that memo.

VA: IT's easier fŏr me Tŏ care fŏr Them if I can

RS: | How do You Keep Them Polished | Hadean | RS: | If They are Too Long | ? |

VA: LasT Time my hŏrns were Tŏŏ Tall ŏne gŏT snapped ŏff

ID: polish.

ID: do i look like i have time and money for that.

MN: EVEr triEd making a homEmadE brEw

MN: its not that hard

RS: | | Brew | ? |

RS: | Are You Making Beer Now | ? |

VA: ŏh, hŏw dŏ yŏu make a hŏmemade pŏlish

LL: HELL yeah!

LL: Oh, shit, wait, actual POLISH.

LL: Nm, I've only done SUNSHINE.

ID: i don't bother. my horns stay alright?

VA: Sunshine is greaT Tŏ keep hidden away fŏr a bad nighT

RS: | Oh | You should Get Them Properly Polished at the Fair | ! |

MN: no .I. mEant polish

RS: | They'll Look Lovely | Especially Given Your Length |

ID: i dunno. maybe if i have time to kill.

ID: i don't let trolls touch the headgear too much.

ID: since that's just asking for some middle horn fondling.

LL: Omfg

LL: Dude, he's got a POINT.

LL: I bet someone would just, like, try and MOVE it just to see if it GOES.

RS: | Haha | Oh My | RS: | Heavne Forbid They Touch | Your Mysterious Middle Horn |

MN: gEEz go do your own fondling hadEan

ID: it's the source of my power- stop making it weird.

MN: stop asking the horn polishErs to do it for you

AC: Ø I've never gotten my horns polished before. .u. Ø

RS: | Oh | Really | ? |

MN: .I. haVE no idEa what yourE talking about~

AC: Ø Does it really make them look prettier? Ø

LL: Is it ACTUALLY?

RS: | I'll Do Your Horns | at the Fair | Then |

RS: | It Does | ! | I always Keep Mine Polished | RS: | | Oh | And I'll Sand Them | Too | If You'd Like | ? |

ID: what, no it's not actually my power source.

AC: Ø Oh, that's really nice of you Pheres! Are you sure? .u. Oh, um, if you know best! Gosh, I'm just used to the regular scrubbing and bed checks. Ø

AC: Ø I used to think only highbloods sanded and polished them, hah. Ø

AC: Ø Silly, I know. Ø

RS: | | Or | Well | Hm | RS: | We could Actually Gloss Them | That would Look Nicer | I Think | Given the Angle |

ID: do i get horn service too pheres.

AC: Ø ooh, okay Ø

ID: doesn't your booth babe need to look pretty.

RS: | Haha | Well |

MN: damn .PHERES. bEttEr chargE Extra for that

MN: sorry .I.m going to bEat up your booth babE

ID: attempt to beat me up. ftfy.

MN: will beat you up MN: ftfy

RS: | | I suppose | You will get the Full Horn Service | Hadean | RS: | Heaven Forbid | that You don't Look At Your Best | For Your Fight |

ID: great~ thanks. =:)

RS: | | Do I Get to Do the Middle Horn | Too | ? |

ID: i mean i guess that depends if you can handle some weird sensations.

ID: that sounds wrong-er than it actually is.

RS: | Heavens |

RS: | Hahaha | It only Sounds Wrong | If We do not Pointedly Ignore All Possibility that It Could Be Wrong | =:B |

RS: | Do You Spark if People Touch It | ? |

AC: Ø these aren't the wrongs you're looking for. .u. Ø

AA: yrn wrnongs arne in anothern castle. >:} RS: | Yes | Thank You | Sipa | =:B |

ID: it's kinda like a mild constant shock. hi sip.

AA: sup.

AC: Ø Your wrongs have not been rezzed .u. Ø

ID: fair talk. letting rs get all up on my headgear.

AA: lmfao, wow, phrnasing. AA: arne you gonna let him put beads on yrn horns, tho?? AA: b/c he totally used to do that. >:}

ID: what.

ID: no beads allowed my horns are weird enough. =:I

RS: | He doesn't Have the Grooves for Them | There'd be Nowhere to Hook Them | RS: | Unless We Carved Some In | But | That would Take Ages | Also | Brb | Customer |

AA: ... scrnatch that. no beads. you gonna let him carnve them up?? >:}

ID: hell no, i like my rack as it is. =:I

ID: also do you polish your horns sip. my horns look fine right. because i neglect the fuck out of them.

AA: lameee. why such a cluckbeast, dude?? AA: y, y, beforne fights. not, like, in gen. waaay too much of a bothern. >:} and the polish gets in yrn hairn. grnoss.

AA: and lmao. idk, man, they'rne not, like, flaking, rnight?

ID: i have a floating horn, i don't think my horns need more things for people to look at.

ID: note to pheres when he's back, no polish in my hair if you can.

ID: i mean. no? i never noticed them flaking. =:I

AA: idk, dude, ain't nothing wrnong w/ morne shit to look at. AA: it's what makes you stand out, duh. >:}

AA: have you checked if they'rne flaking??

ID: i think i stand out enough in a crowd already. no beads needed. =:P

ID: how do i check for flaking? not like i can reach most of my rack.

TC: !'ll look at them for you

ID: you won't be looking at anything once i'm done with you. hush up.

AA: rub 'em on a trnee and see if anything comes off?? that's what phern used to do. >:} AA: and lmaooo.

TC: Fuck ~o

AA: wow, hads, she's, like, trnyin' to be helpful. way 2bmean.

ID: i'm supposed to fight her so no she isn't.

ID: i don't know where to find trees in this stupid place.

TC: Shhhh let me help !D

ID: fuck off. =:I

AA: haha, shiiit, how many folks you fighting tonight??

ID: i mean i'm fighting them at the fair. tonight is my night off. i even got a hotel room, i get to use an actual shower. shit's gonna be great.

AA: bump 'em on a carnt, then. >:} orn, like, idefk, anything harnd?? AA: but not T O O harnd, you don't wanna snap 'em. AA: unless horn-grnizzled veternan is yrn aesthetic.

TC: !'m go!~g to shove !D's head u~der a horse wh!le !t takes a p!ss

ID: hmm. first attempt seems to result in no flaking and jeesh tc, gross and desperate.

AA: then yrn fiiiiiiine. they look fine, anyway. >:P AA: why arne you wornrnrying abt yrn horns, anyway?? AA: also, lmao, am i like AA: internrnupting, orn is tc just hella nasty? >:}

ID: so nasty.

ID: and because everyone was talking about horns and polishes and shit. =:I apparently i was the only weirdo not spending hours preening every night. so i want to see what i'm missing out on.

TC: Shut up !D

ID: how about no. and you shut up.

TC: Go fuck yourself

AA: ehh. phern's just a weirndo. he polishes his claws, too, dude. you gonna do that? >:} AA: and hahahaha, wowzerns. AA: tc, bb, calm yrn tits. like, spoilern alernt!

AA: but i am p surne he's just not that into you. AA: orn hornse piss. >:P

TC: AA please, !'m ~ot !~terested !~ h!m

TC: ! just wa~t to see h!m scream a l!ttle

TC: !~ horror

ID: is there any part of your body you can't polish? hey, maybe i'll let him polish my claws if he wants. i can look all shiny and new for like. five seconds.

ID: 1, you're weird, 2, not happening.

AA: n, prnobs not. rnoll arnound in oil and polish A L L T H E B I T S. AA: shit, if you ask, he's prnobs got that glitterny shit you dunk yrnself in.

AA: and - did i alrneady say lmao?? AA: bc lmao, W O W.

AC: Ø Glittery? .u. Ø

ID: i'm good without glitter. but hey. a little pampering never killed a troll, right? right.

AA: y. until you end up, like, in white up to yrn frnonds. >:} AA: and y!

AA: glitterny.

AA: like, y'know, sparnklernocks.

AC: Ø I never realized anyone put glitter on their horns, huh Ø

AC: Ø How long does it stay on? Ø

ID: hey, pheres said no white. and hey, get glittered up if you want ac. have to ask pheres for that info i bet.

RS: | Let Me Duck Over Here | However | ! | RS: | Because | Also | There is the Minor Matter of the Fact | RS: | Throwing Someone's Matesprit into a Conversation Erring on Pitch Flirtation |

RS: | is Not a Typical Means of |- DISSUASION -|

RS: | =:1 |

ID: remember she can usually spy in here.

ID: it totally works. what did you want me to say, stop this is icky? because, uh. definitely still fighting him. don't need to give him ammo.

ID: but scout's honor, definitely not pitch for the guy i couldn't even pick out of a crowd!

RS: | You Literally just Informed Me | That It is Entirely Possible to Tell Someone to Back Off | If They are Making You Experience Discomfort |

RS: | Is that Advice You are Evidently Unwilling to Follow Yourself | ? |

ID: someone you are definitely not going to fight, yeah.

ID: unless you want to fight me.

RS: | Yes | I am Dying to Fight You | You have Cracked The Case |

RS: | =:| |

LL: Dude, ID, it just sounds like you were kinda shoving your CARTILAGE NUB where it didn't BELONG.

LL: Like, this is usually the part where you say sorry and CHILL OUT instead of, like, making a weird THING out of it.

ID: thank you for your totally well informed opinion ll.

LL: I mean, I fuck up shit like that all the TIME.

RS: | Haha | Well | She isn't Incorrect |

LL: I don't KNOW you guys really well, and I don't know what HAPPENED

LL: So maybe PHERES needs to chill, too.

LL: But I'm saying GENERALLY.

RS: | I am Afraid You are Now Less Correct | =:P |

ID: well sorry~ and as for what just happened earlier. i tried to keep my flap closed and you encouraged me! so.

LL: I might be TOTALLY wrong, idk. LL: You guys just seemed kinda way more CHILL earlier, and you're both cool dudes.

LL: So I dunno why it has to be a BIG DEAL.

RS: | It is Not a Big Deal | RS: | I am Not Particularly Affronted | I am Merely Curious | as to What Hadean's Motives are In His Behaviours | That is All |

RS: | And | I Accept Your Apology | Although | I Encouraged You | RS: | Because I Was Not Expecting You to Actually | RS: | | Well | ! | I Thought We were Playing | Joking | Japing | That is All | =:1 |

ID: nope, that was definitely me trying to be nice and keep my flap shut.

RS: | | If You are Trying to Keep Your Flap Shut | RS: | Perhaps You should Not Say | That You are Actively Trying to Keep Your Flap Shut | RS: | Usually | We Simply Keep Our Flaps Shut |

RS: | No Need for Narration | Unless You are Orpheo |

ID: i like narration! and is orpheo the dumpster troll.

LL: He's TOTALLY the dumpster troll.

RS: | Yes | Haha | He is the Dumpster Troll |

ID: do i. want to know why others call him weeds.

RS: | Probably Not |

LL: I mean, guy that talks like THAT, he probably smokes BALES.

ID: well that's a lovely mental image.

RS: | Oh | Come Now | Smoking a Bale is not Historically Accurate |

RS: | I am Sure He Grinds It into a Fine Powder and Puts It in A Pipe |

ID: is that a thing you can do?

RS: | I do not Have the Faintest Idea | Haha | ! |

LL: That is

LL: NOT how you do it.

ID: damn ll you need to teach us clearly.

LL: lol

ID: in case i ever. want to see how well getting high works i guess.

LL: I mean, if you're freaking PULVERIZING IT, you're losing half the good shit! LL: Unless you're the kinda weirdo that goes licking it off the PESTLE, I guess.

ID: heavens forbid.

LL: Shit, I confused which RUSTBLOOD was TALKING for a sec.

ID: how dare you! =:P

RS: | How Very Dare You | =:P |

ID: it doesn't help that we have the same emoticons.

LL: No, dude, keep going, I bet you could do a NUTTY Pheres impression.

ID: i think me and pheres have had enough conflict for the night.

LL: Fair ENOUGH, dude.

ID: besides, pheres is like. one of the three or four trolls on here that hasn't threatened to kill me or wanted to hear me scream in horror or shit so i should be nicer!

LL: Duuuude, wtf?

LL: Don't people come to chatrooms to, like, MEET people to HANG OUT with?

LL: Why is everyone, like, FIGHTING and shit?

ID: i have a charming personality. =:P

LL: I dunno, man, you seem pretty COOL to me!

ID: and told tc no killing gliese. which has forever put me on her hitlist i guess.

LL: Oh, RIGHT, I remember that. LL: I don't get why GLIESE is all het up at me, neither, but I don't want her DEAD.

LL: She's just some RANDO on the internet.

ID: i dunno. something about you and calling the jades fakers. maybe she has a jade quad or something.

RS: | He does have a Charming Personality | And | Oh | She probably got Het Up on Emerel's Behalf |

ID: yeah they do seem close.

RS: | He does Like to Go On about How Unusual Jades Are | RS: | So | She likely Felt Offended at the Implication of | | People Faking Their Caste | ? |

LL: LOL

LL: Dude, I've TOTALLY done that before.

LL: It gets you IN places!

RS: | I should Clarify | Hadean | the Charming did not Hold Scarequotes | RS: | Despite Your Many Slights |

RS: | | Should You Admit That Online | ? | Haha |

ID: good to know because i was about to offer to not show my face around you at the faire.

LL: Pffft LL: I mean, it was FOREVER ago. LL: If you wanna call the COPS on me for something I did as a WIGGLER, go ahead, but I bet I got more cop friends than YOU. >:D

LL: Oh, shit, WHAT?

RS: | What | ? | No | Of Course You Should | RS: | Why wouldn't I Want You at the Faire | ? |

ID: because i'm a jerk?

LL: No, dude, we're hanging out and I'm buying you, like. FOOD and shit like you wanted. LL: You can't go avoiding PHERES, though, cos I'm chillin' with him, TOO.

RS: | Oh | You're Aggravating | But You're hardly a Jerk | RS: | And | Besides | I like Sipara Perfectly Well | And | Compared to Her | RS: | You are a Perfectly Docile Meowbeast |

ID: well i mean if food is involved. =:P can i have like. four of those giant gobblebeast legs. those are a thing at faires right.

LL: Dude, if it FITS in you, you can have it. LL: I have, like, WAY too much cash rn, idgaf. LL: Bring your HOLLOW WALKFROND.

ID: and well. yeah. fair. I'm not so aggro i put it right in my tag though! so sip got me beat there.

ID: sweet. =:D jokes on you like 75 percent of me is hollow.

RS: | ! | ! | ! |

LL: Between the floating HORN shit and the weird PSIONICS, I am only like 50% sure you're shitting me, here.

RS: | Congratulations | LL | RS: | I am Fairly Certain | That is the First Time I have Witnessed | an =:D smiley |

ID: oh so if i'm not a stock model psi i'm weird i see how it is.

ID: =:P at you pheres. food'll make anyone smile.

LL: Omg

LL: I made HISTORY, apparently!

LL: >:D

RS: | =:) |

LL: That SUCKS about Gliese, though. LL: Should I, like, TELL her I wasn't calling that guy a FAKER? LL: I was just saying WHAT IF cos people were on about how it was even POSSIBLE and shit. Doesn't mean nothing to me either WAY if a jade's a dude or even a JADE in the first place.

ID: don't let it go to your head. =:P

ID: uh protip: don't defend why you said things when you're apologizing.

LL: Too LATE, dude, my horns already GREW BACK.

RS: | Mm | I would Advise Against Telling Gliese Anything | RS: | But | If You really Wish to Get on Good Terms With Her |

RS: | Just Say that You're Sorry | You were Wrong | and Do not Focus on the Details |

ID: 'sorry, but-' conversations just end in more fighting. so yeah.

RS: | And | Then Move On | While She is Basking in the Feeling of having Socially Bested You |

RS: | She'll Forget about Her Ire | Soon Enough |

ID: yeah definitely do it where others can distract from the conversation.

LL: I guess that makes SENSE. LL: Then how do I know not to do it AGAIN, though?

RS: | Mm | ! |

LL: If I don't ASK.

LL: Not that she wanted to ANSWER, I guess.

RS: | | Ah |

RS: | Just | Watch What She Says | and Make Sure You only Agree With Her | ? | ? |

LL: I mean, I'm gonna just do what you SAID. LL: You guys got your shit resolved really NEAT-like, so you probs KNOW better.

LL: What, like about EVERYTHING?

LL: I don't care THAT much about her!

RS: | Not on Everything | She doesn't Get Aggressive over Everything | I Don't Expect |

RS: | Just the Things that Send Her Off into a Froth |

RS: | I don't Know | I Make Lists | Usually | of Contentious Topics | for the Individual | RS: | You could Do That | =:/ |

ID: no talking about faking or jades.

ID: should cover it.

LL: Ugh. LL: I guess I can TRY that, but if she starts getting WEIRD about shit then I'm gonna STOP.

LL: ID's thing sounds less hard to keep TRACK of.

ID: making a list of topics to avoid for everyone in the chat sounds like a pain pheres.

LL: ^^^

ID: but then i like. can barely remember most of their names so i guess i'm a shitty judge.

RS: | Not for Everyone in the Chat | Haha | RS: | Or | Most People in the Chat | Just | Quadrants | RS: | Close Friends | Enclades |

RS: | | Although | Making Ones for Chat Members does Seem Wise | RS: | Now that You Mention It |

RS: | You should Tell Me about Your Pet Peeves | The Both of You | Right Now | =:P |

ID: is your clade big or anything then? what about you ll?

ID: jeesh pheres put some trolls on the spot.

LL: LOL

LL: Mine's pretty SMALL! I just got my best guy and my moirail.

LL: Clydes ain't IN chats like this, though, and ID's the MOD.

LL: And, uhhh

RS: | No | Emerel's Kismesis is Gone | And | He never Let Me Meet Him |- Anyway -| RS: | So | He doesn't Count | Haha | Sipara has Her Ever-Rotating Kismesises | RS: | Riccin is an Old Clademate | But | Ah | The Rest of Them are Dead |

RS: | So | I don't Have to Keep Track of |- THEM -| Anymore | Haha |

LL: I get pissed off when people mess with my PEOPLE! LL: And when they get shirty and then get all CAGEY when I ask what their DAMAGE is. :\

ID: ll a lot of trolls in this chat are gonna annoy you.

LL: Gdi

LL: It's cool, YOU guys can be my bros. LL: And, like, that MAIDEL person.

LL: They're pretty cool.

ID: i cannot for the best of me remember which one maidel is.

ID: dr?

LL: The GREEN one that always says sorry! LL: Olive green, not JADE.

RS: | Oh | ! | Yes | Maidel is Practically Clade |

RS: | She is the Olive Green | Yes | Haha |

LL: Man, there's a lotta sorry GREENBLOODS around.

RS: | It's a Part of the Caste | I suppose | ! | RS: | The Ones outside of the Caverns are not a Very Confident Lot |

LL: Makes SENSE, I guess, if you grew up under a ROCK.

LL: CAVE, whatever.

ID: i kinda avoid talking to her. she seems so easy to set off. and then she leaves and that's no fun for her. =:/

LL: I mean, she should learn to DEAL with it better, then! LL: Like it doesn't matter how NICE people are, they're gonna say something shitty EVENTUALLY.

LL: So you gotte be able to CALL 'em on it or tell them to fuck OFF.

LL: Or have a quad to do it FOR you.

RS: | Oh | ! | Ah | RS: | He is Easier in Person | to Anticipate If He is Upset | ? |

RS: | He is just Very Shy | Mostly | But | Haha | Yes |

ID: i mean i agree but yeah. figure it'd be easier in person.

LL: He??

RS: | | I've been Looking for Her Quadrants | Actually | RS: | I think It would Do Her Good for Her Self-Esteem |

RS: | And | Confidence |

RS: | | He | ? |

ID: you called dr a he. and then a she. confused ll i think.

ID: also ll refresh me on what your name is.

RS: | Oh | They Switch | ! |

RS: | I am not Sure | the Particulars | ? | So | I just Switch | as the Inclination Strikes |

LL: That's CONFUSING as hell.

LL: But WHATEVER, I guess.

ID: means i can't call him/her the wrong gender i guess.

LL: Oh, shit, u rite

LL: Maybe it's LESS confusing, then. >:D

RS: | Hahaha | It is a Socially Fool Proof Strategy | on Her Part |

ID: ll. hand over the name. unless you prefer ll.

ID: but then at the fair people will think your name is ellell.

RS: | If You Prefer LL | That is Fine | Of Course |

RS: | Hahaha |

RS: | One of the Fellows Who Runs It | is Named Elilah |

RS: | LL would Fit Right In | =:) |

LL: Ellell sounds pretty RAD, but I'm BONNIE.

LL: And everyone keeps typing LL all LOWERCASE so it looks like II, ANYWAYS.

ID: bonnie. alright. bonnie is a nice enough name.

LL: Nice ENOUGH? LL: Damn, I SEE how it is! D:<

ID: it's no hadean. =:P

RS: | Hadean | Shame on You |

LL: LUL

RS: | Clearly | Bonnie is at Least A Name | of the Top Five Tiers | RS: | Perhaps the Top Eight | ? | At Least the Top Ten | =:) |

ID: aww i'm just joking pheres. bonnie isn't really offended! i think.

RS: | Below Pheres | Of Course | RS: | But | We can't All Have the Best Name |

ID: how do you even pronounce pheres.

RS: | | How do You Think It is Pronounced | ? |

LL: Dude, my skin's not THAT thin, don't even lfip.

LL: FAIR-iss?

ID: fear-ease?

LL: Or, like, feh-ree.

RS: | Close | Haha | ! | RS: | It is | Fuh | like | Furnace | RS: | And then | Reese | like Breeze |

ID: huh. okay. is bonnie like. bunny with an o?

RS: | But | You should Use Fair-Is | RS: | It is Easier to Say |

LL: I'm like 90% sure there's only ONE way to say Bonnie.

RS: | | Isn't it Bonnie | as In |

RS: | She is quite a Bonny Lass | ? |

LL: Yeah!

ID: hey sometimes people have weird ways of saying their name even when it looks easy.

LL: Shit, I lied. It's totes actually, like uh LL: BONE-AI

RS: | Bone Ai |

RS: | Well | It |- IS -| Six Letters |

ID: well then how do you say my name?

RS: | The same Way that Bonnie Does | I Imagine |

RS: | Ha | as in Laughter | RS: | Dee | as in | Ah | Dice | ? |

RS: | Awn | like Dawn |

ID: nah. but that's how like. everyone assumes i'm sure.

RS: | =:? |

RS: | How do You Pronounce It | ? |

RS: | Is It a Standard Name | ? |

ID: i mean what's standard when it comes to names.

RS: | Oh | No | Standard | As In | RS: | Central Continental Standard Alternian Common Dialect |

RS: | You Know | Standard | Haha |

LL: Wait, is that NOT how you say it?

LL: HADEAN, I mean

ID: like...

H as in hi, long a like. base. d as in dye. a as in about. and an n. like. no.

ID: like. hey-de-an?

ID: it's easier to just say and have a troll repeat.

ID: also sorry for the pause, was ransacking the snack bar in the room next to me.

RS: | Hopefully | They weren't In It | at the Time | Haha |

RS: | Hadean is a Pretty Name | Though | ! |

ID: nah, most trolls have cleared out. probably to parties and their loved ones or whatever.

ID: pheres is a nice name too. is the fuh-reese way you say it?

SA: haydee-in, bonny, phair-Rees, was how I was reading them until corrected. You all have such different names.

ID: well what about you sa? what's your name?

SA: I don't remember my assigned name. I go by Prisma.

ID: ...assigned name huh. okay. prisma it is.

SA: don't most trolls have their names recorded by the cavern matrons?

ID: i mean most people don't call them assigned? i don't think?

SA: oh. I apologize, I'm not very familiar with the terms. I am very forgetful.

SA: Hadean?

ID: yeah that's me.

RS: | Oh | I got Distracted | My Apologies | That is How I Say My Name | RS: | And | Hm |

RS: | I don't Know If Names get Assigned | ? | I never Thought About It |

RS: | you Just | You Know | Have One |

SA: I see.

SA: So where did your names come from? Did you just know them at the front of your mind?

SA: That sounded rude, i apologize.

ID: don't lusii do that shit.

SA: I was mostly going off of Pheres's statement.

ID: i dunno. i just know i have a name and it rocks.

LA: I LIKE MY NAME!!!

SA: Who are you?

LA: MYSELF

LA: DUH

ID: oh god it's in here too.

LA: AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

RS: | Oh | I never Asked | RS: | I Grew up in a Hivestem | Haha | ! |

RS: | So | People have Always Used My Name |

LA: IT'S ARISTE

SA: Ariste.

SA: I like this one.

SA: I see... That sound different, RS.

LA: SOMEONE HERE HAS GOOD TASTE LA: IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!

RS: | Heavens | You're Enthusiastic | Aren't You | ? |

RS: | And | Haha | Is It | ? | RS: | Where did You Grow Up | ? |

LA: ABOUT WHAT???

RS: | | Everything | from the Sounds of It | ? |

LA: NO I'M PRETTY CHILL TODAY

SA: I meant I liked the name. But the enthusiasm is acceptable too.

SA: I grew up... elsewhere.

SA: It was very private and isolated.

ID: elsewhere is ominous as fuck.

LA: WELL MY NAME IS AWESOME SO I CAN FORGIVE YOU

SA: I was raised on a colony. Is that a less ominous answer.

LA: WAS IT AT LEAST A FUN COLONY

ID: barely.

LA: IS YOUR NAME SA NOW

SA: Ariste thinks it could be fun.

RS: | What Sort of a Colony | ? |

ID: ariste has the intelligence of a sponge.

SA: I don't know how to explain it. I don't recall most of it, either. It was an experimental colony. Scientific.

SA: I suppose that is "fun" in a way.

ID: /oh/.

LA: HOW DO YOU KNOW ID

LA: YOU'VE KNOW ME FOR 20 MINUTES

SA: my name is Prisma, LA.

LA: DO YOU READ MINDS

LA: PRISMA

LA: RAINBOWS AND SHIT

LA: THAT'S COOL

SA: I am clairvoyant and telekinetic.

LA: CONGRATULATIONS

SA: I don't read minds. I simply know things.

LA: I WAS ASKING IF ID READS MINDS THOUGH

SA: i msiread, I apologize.

RS: | Oh | ! |

RS: | I Think You are Our First Telekinetic |

RS: | Congratulations | Haha |

ID: nah i don't read minds. but i can sense idiots.

SA: do all of you have psionics...?

LA: DUH

ID: i think so.

LA: WHO DOESN'T

ID: plenty of trolls.

LA: OOOH ID SENSES IDIOTS LA: SO DO YOU SENSE EVERYONE OR WHAT

SA: i like this.

ID: nah, being around you is like trying to spot the stars when the sun is out. your stupidity blocks everyone else.

SA: LA, I think they were being facetious.

RS: | Yes | I think So | ! |

LA: I THINK THEY'RE BEING CUTE

RS: | Er | To the Fact We All have Psionics |

RS: | Not to the Idiots Thing |

ID: i'm fucking adorable as shit.

LA: COME HERE AND LET ME PINCH YOUR LITTLE CHEEKS

ID: how about no.

LA: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

LA: CUUUUUTE

SA: what are you psonics, RS?

SA: look at them. they're bonding.

RS: | Presently | I suspect They are My Ability to Marvel at |

RS: | Well |

RS: | Everything in Here |

RS: | Haha | =:B |

RS: | | Ah | No | But | I can Teleport | ! |

SA: Teleporting... That's an admirable psionic.

ID: marveling at how weird la is you mean pheres.

LA: YOU SURE ARE HUNG UP ON HOW WEIRD I AM

LA: HOW OLD EVEN ARE YOU

LA: LIKE 2

ID: sure, i'm 2.

LA: COOL

RS: | Yes | Yes | That is What I Mean |

RS: | Haha |

RS: | | And | Oh | I don't know If I'd Call It Admirable | ? | It's just a Thing |

RS: | Telekinesis is So Much More Useful |

LA: IT'S ONLY AS USEFUL AS FAR AS YOU NOT GETTING HIT FROM BEHIND GOES

ID: can you teleport far?

SA: But many psions I've met don't have it. It is unique.

SA: My telekinesis is very weak, right now.

SA: I'd rather teleport.

RS: | Ahh | Define Far | ! |

ID: like. out of sight.

SA: could you jump blocks that way?

RS: | Oh | ! | Probably | Um | RS: | I can Go Up to Fifty Feet | I think | And I've Gone Farther | But |

RS: | It's not Ideal |

RS: | Haha | Too Tiring |

LA: WICKED!!!

SA: are there any risks associated with it?

LA: WHO CARES LA: I'M IMAGINING WHAT KIND OF SWEET AIR YOU'D GET WITH THAT!!

SA: and how many sweet broken bones could be received.

AA: | | No Broken Bones | ! |

LA: NOT IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING

RS: | And | Um | Not Really | ? | Nothing More than the Usual | ! |

ID: the usual, that's comforting.

[aileen-hollingsworth]

Practice Challenge #2

A/N: again a bit late, writing has been a complicated thing to do lately asdfghjk, anyway, have it. Btw Betha don’t hate me, I won’t be late for the actual challenges. Wifi being bad to my lap top. Not much time for edits, so ignore typos if you find them.

My dad almost choked on his food when he heard the news. “You were what?”

“Umm, Selected? Last night you were working on set, so I couldn’t tell you.”

My dad stared at me perplexed. “You actually got Selected?”

….umm “Yeah.”

“That’s wonderful sweetheart.” My mom said eyeing my dad as if in warning, but he didn’t notice.

“You’re...going to the palace?” He seemed slightly alarmed by this.

“Yes Dad, that’s part of what being a Selected is about.” I mumbled with a frown. “Why are you so surprised? You agreed to this. We talked about it and everything. You said it was fine.”

“Well yes, but…I- I didn’t think you would get picked.”

I snorted a laugh. “Dad, did you actually let me enter just because you thought I wouldn’t get picked at random?”

“No. I let you enter because your mother insisted on it.” He said, turning to look at Mom as if betrayed by her. “She convinced me, said it might be nice to let you choose for yourself if you wanted to participate or not. She said it might be an interesting experience for you and I ended up giving in, but assumed you wouldn’t get picked with all the girls entering anyway.”

Mom smiled without looking at him as she poured herself some juice. “Oh honey, you should know leaving things to chance is a risky thing.”

Dad scowled at her and I laughed. 

/haɪˈdreɪndʒiə/ Hydrangea.

Dominica’s province flower. It was a beautiful specimen, very different from the orchid (Angeles’ province flower). Where the latter had beautiful details and was placed gracefully over a stem with maybe a group of four others, the hydrangea was curious and like a bunch of small bouquets scattered on leafy bushes.  

As I sat in front of my vanity, my mom working behind me, I stared at the flowers that would soon be in my hair, analyzing the small white petals that I still doubted would survive on my head. I’d told Mom not to get too invested considering makeovers would take place once we got to the palace and her work would be put to waste, but she insisted.  “I don’t care if it only lasts a few hours Aileen. I won’t get to play with your hair until you’re back so this is my last chance to do it.” I rolled my eyes at her words, but smiled and let her work.

Mom always had a thing for braiding. She said it was relaxing and fun, but sadly I hadn’t inherited the ability. I could barely do simple braids and sometimes even those didn’t turn out as planned.

As she started placing the petals around my hair, I wondered what would have happened if I’d received that letter from the palace back when we were living in Angeles. Would I still be a Selected or would it be that other girl? Maybe it would have been someone else entirely.

To be honest I wasn’t really sure of why I had applied in the first place. The only thing I based my decision on was the infinite possibilities of what I could see and what I could learn. The palace was probably the only place in all of Illea where I couldn’t simply stroll in whenever I wished to, so all the experiences I could get from there had been out of my reach until that moment. I couldn’t let the opportunity slide away from my grasp without even trying. That was the only logical explanation I had for applying and it was the only reason Mom had agreed to convince Dad.

I’d come to love Dominica for the cohesive disarray the people always created…if that even makes sense.

My hair had been covered in even more hydrangea flowers during the farewell as people threw the small flowers all over the place. Little boys and girls attacked each other with them as they laughed and giggled, couples danced between the clutter of them to the rhythm of music, and girls my age braided them into each other’s hair. When I had almost reached the center of it all, I saw my classmates. All of them were wearing flower crowns, and when I say all I mean all, even the ones that didn’t care about my existence during school year. I raised an eyebrow at my closest group of friends as they ran over to hug me. Lauren, Allyson and Oliver.

I took a big breath trying to calm myself down, but instead of helping me, the action only made things worse. I immediately recognized the scents surrounding me. The smell of coconut oil that Allyson was obsessed with: “It’s magical oil Aileen. It’s great for almost everything, I’m not even joking.” Lauren’s favorite Mango perfume: “It’s not perfume Aileen, its fragrance mist.” Oliver’s constant smell of sea salt hairspray: “I lived way too many years near Dominica’s coastline Aileen. Waterfalls and trees are great and all, but I miss the beach sometimes. Stop looking at me like that, I’m serious!”

I knew it was kind of weird to always notice scents so easily, but over the years I grew fond of it. I liked to remember every detail I could of the people I cared about or just simply met, and the more I could remember the better, so noticing that extra thing was something I cherished. David always joked I might be part Basset Hound.

“You better not waste this opportunity Aileen.” Lauren ordered after our hug and I laughed.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Allyson nudged Oliver and he turned around to whistle at our group of classmates a few feet away. I frowned at the action, but then Raymond, one of his friends, reached for a flower crown and threw it at us. Oliver jumped to catch it in time and then turned around to look at me grinning. “Lady Aileen,” he said dramatically as he bowed, offering me the flower crown. I smirked, rolling my eyes alongside Lauren and Allyson.

“Stop joking around for once.” Allyson scolded him, bumping her hip against his. Oliver stumbled with a laugh and Allyson took the crown from his hands to place it on my head. “Perfect. You couldn’t have any more hydrangea flowers on your head even if you wanted to. Now people will be 100% sure you’re representing Dominica in this Selection.”

“Because they clearly didn’t know before.” I grinned, and that was when Oliver reached for my hand, pulling me into the group of people dancing.

“Okay, Allyson is right, enough jokes. We only have a couple of minutes before you leave.”

“Never thought I’d hear you say there are enough jokes.” I mumbled with a smile, reaching for Allyson’s hand just in time to drag her with us, and she reached for Lauren’s in return.

Oliver spun me around, making me release Allyson’s hand and dipped me dramatically. “It’s a matter of speech Aileen; there will never be enough jokes in the world.”

I laughed as we danced for a while and later I spun him around, hoping he would stumble into Allyson. However neither of them did as he ran into her, laughing, taking her hand, as if second nature, to continue dancing. He winked at me, as if saying “nice try”, before dipping Allyson and kissing her. Lauren rolled her eyes and told them to get a room, but she did so smiling. We’d both been waiting for them to start dating for months so when they finally did we could just be happy for them.

I’d understood his reluctance to date her considering he was a lower caste than us. Allyson and Lauren’s parents weren’t precisely ones to let their daughters date anyone so it made sense for him to be wary of the idea. Lauren had been mad at him for a while, saying he shouldn't let his feelings for her sister go because he was scared, but what she didn't know was that he had a plan. He’d been raising money to move up a caste. When he told me about it I’d almost offered him help, but it turned out unnecessary as he explained he’d actually been planning it for years.

Oliver always knew what he liked wasn't something Fours could live by, so he'd made it his life goal to buy his way up into being a Three. Thankfully his family wasn’t bordering on being a Five, and when it came to wealth they were pretty close to Threes. If it had been the other way around it would have made it a lot more complicated. Sure Oliver was still a year or two away from having the money he needed, but it was only a matter of time and we were only seventeen.

We joked and danced to the beat of the music for a couple more minutes and I tried my best to observe every detail of the moment: The wind in my face as we moved, the smell of hydrangea’s and the streets filled with flowers and people, the laughter from the friends I’d been able to make since I moved here and the bubbly feeling of warmth people from Dominica always seemed to share. Even the heat that had once bothered me a bit was now something I loved.

A lot of things can change in a year.

The words echoed in my head. If there was one universal truth I had in my life it was that sentence. Sometimes you could be in a new place, wondering if the people you’re surrounded with will ever be real friends to you, and then you find yourself a year later thinking you couldn’t be any closer. Other times you leave a place being friends with someone and your friendship grows apart, either because you both changed or because you’ve both grown individually. 

That’s why after years of moving away with my parents--even for just small periods of time--I’d learned how important a year could be. I wondered what would await for me when I returned to Angeles, what I’d missed when I was gone, and then I wondered what new things would happen now with the Selection in place.

“We’re going to miss you!” Lauren yelled over the music and I smiled.

I’m going to miss you all too. I didn’t dare say the words aloud just yet. I didn’t want the moment to end just yet, because deep inside I knew this might be a final goodbye. I was well aware my parents where almost done with shooting here, and even if I hadn’t been Selected, it would have only been a matter of months before we moved back to Angeles. So if for whatever reasons I actually made it for more than a week at the palace, I wouldn’t be coming back to Dominica anytime soon.

But I wouldn’t lose these friendships. I’d committed myself to that this time. We would make it work, even if for some reason months passed without talking. They were those friends that you just start catching up with again and it feels like the good old days. They were true friends.

The first plane I took wasn’t very interesting. For once I was actually taking a plane by myself. Not with my parents or my uncle. Not with David or even Dylan and other cast members. It was just me and some guards. 

I was actually surprised by the amount of guards there had been. It seemed excessive...suspicious. Only when I arrived at Sumner’s airport and was told I had a phone call waiting for me did I understand the reason. Rebels. Lady Azalea Archer. Killed. 

David was frantic. Asking if I was okay, if I had heard the news about what had happened. He said he hadn’t been able to reach my parents to ask if everything had gone according to plan in Dominica’s farewell and was pretty much on the verge of panic. I’d been so shocked by the news I couldn’t even register them. Rebels? She had been killed by Rebels? That meant things were getting out of hand...

Over the past few years groups of people tired of the way Illea was ruled had formed, but they had never been violent...until then. 

“Aileen? Are you listening? Is everything okay?!”

I snapped out of my daze and looked around the airport. “Yes David, I’m fine, calm down.”

He sighed on the other side of the line. “Then reply to me for the love of God.”

“Sorry it’s just a bit surprising. I can’t believe a girl actually got killed.”

“Well, believe it, you have to be careful from now on. It seems being Selected has attracted some unwanted attention.”

A guard that seemed barely a couple of years older than me cleared his throat a few feet away and I turned around to look at him. “I’m sorry Lady Aileen, but the others are only waiting for you to leave.” 

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “Listen Dave, I have to take another plane right now, so I have to leave, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine. It seems they have taken extra precautions with security. Send Lyra and Robbie some hugs from me, okay?” I hung up before he could reply.

I vaguely heard the mention of ukuleles when I approached the group and was glad to hear there was another girl between the Selected that knew how to play.

My second flight was with Tracie, Naomi and Ana. They were all like nice girls, but it seemed like neither of them was much of a talkative...except Naomi, who had to take a nap during our flight. Our conversation pretty much dyed after she fell asleep. I could’ve tried to keep it going, but I preferred to watch from the sidelines when I was going to join a new environment. That meant learning as much as I could before interacting, so instead of talking I took out my journal and wrote down the names of the three girls, accompanied by their casts and my first thoughts. 

It was a nice process I liked to have. Dad always said it was Mom’s side showing. In response I always frowned at that, confused. It wasn’t like I wrote stories like she did, I just liked writing down my thoughts.

Ana appeared to be shy. I wasn’t sure if that was her personality or just her when it came to meeting new people, but if it was the latter I could relate sometimes. Naomi was polite and wasn’t shy when it came to starting conversations. She was probably a nice person to be around.

Tracie, on the other hand, seemed a bit reluctant to speak during our conversation and a few minutes after I took out my journal I noticed she took out a notebook with math equations. Interesting. When she saw me staring at her she gave me a sideways glance and I pretended I hadn’t been looking. Before looking down at her notebook again, she stared at my head with curiosity. 

That’s when I remembered my flower crown.

I should have taken it off since it was too flashy, but I wanted to enter through that palace with something my friends had made. A part of me said it might be pushing it a bit too far considering I had already dressed with a black blouse and white pants (opposite to what we were technically supposed to wear) to look different, but in the end I decided to keep it. If there was a time to be flashy it was today...right?

In my makeover not much was changed. I liked my hair the way it was, so I didn’t let them cut it shorter, Mom would probably scream in horror if I did so anyway, so they just used a couple of hair products to give it movement and something about scents. I can’t say I complained about smelling like spring.

When it came to my make up the woman stared at me for a few seconds, thoughtfully, before asking if I wanted to use foundation at all. I shook my head immediately.  Not that I had nothing against it, but if freckles were like stars... then why would I want to cover them up?

She nodded in approval. “Good, good. Use what you’ve got.” Then she began. It didn’t take her long to apply some mascara and lipstick, adding just some blush at the end. 

I reached for a mirror to take a better look at the final result, but instead of a handle I found a hand. I stared at it for a few seconds, slightly surprised before mumbling a sorry with a nervous laugh and looking up at the girl sitting next to me. We only exchanged a couple of words--of which only a few were mine--before I told her to use it first. 

When I looked at myself in the mirror I couldn’t help but smile. I still looked like myself. 

“Do you like it?” My stylist, Barbara as it turned out, asked with a smile of her own. 

I nodded. “Yes, it’s only missing one thing.”

She tilted her head at my last words and I reached for my hydrangea flower crown in response. “There. Perfect.” I’m representing Dominica.

previous | next

[snfs]

I’ll be completely transparent with you all, mostly because I’ve wanted to vent for quite some time but now, as things are coming to a close, I’m finally able to.

I just went through a pretty fucked-up breakup, in which the move-out process is still happening. I don’t want to give out to terribly many details, but I do want to vent a bit.

I’ve tried my best to be really sweet to this gal I was with. You don’t get into a relationship with someone if things are bad from the get-go - that’s something I think people forget after they break up. Things were, at least for a short time, very good. There was plenty of laughter, tenderness, etc. Things were good, they really were. 

Last summer, things changed - it might have been the beginning of things turning south, but who knows. I learned that she wasn’t happy with her current state of existence, or rather her existence at all. I hadn’t cried in a long time before that night, but I did. It was Pt. I of at least a three part series of what I dubbed in my head ‘bad nights’. I did everything I could to make her stay at my  house so she wouldn’t leave and commit suicide. By the morning I was puffy eyed and exhausted, but she was still alive. I took a more positive outlook on life after that day. 

After that day I had her staying at my house instead of her own. She would sleep in my room with me. It was partially suicide watch, partially to keep her away from her abusive ex she was currently living with, and partially because I liked her, though at this point I’m not sure if I actually wanted her there of if it’s just what I told myself and her so that she wouldn’t get sad, run away, and, my main fear, she would kill herself.

I don’t remember the second bad night as well, but she did end up getting in her car only to drive away, on the slight annoyance of having to comfort my sobbing self. All the same, though, she was alive come the next morning, which was a small victory I chose to take.

At some point my previous roommate left and I had her move in in his stead. It was actually a nice time - we could bring her pets here (Three adorable kittens and later two dogs, after convincing the land lords that the dogs were indeed emotional support animals) and she could have her own place. We made one room the office and the other the bedroom. 

Things started to deteriorate pretty fast. She had various spats of paranoia (That she was going to get cancer, that I was going to eat her, that I was a communist (?)) stuff like that. I doubled down and helped her find a psychologist, then later a psychiatrist, who was able to prescribe her a battery of drugs. Before this moment, she had drugs to manage depression but did not take them. I told her to take her drugs daily, sometimes literally forcing them into her mouth so that she would take them that day. Probably not my finest hour - I should have just let her take them on her own volition, but it worked and she took them all the same. At around this time, sometimes she wouldn’t want to get up for school or get out of bed, so I was doing a fair bit of housework and sometimes (not regularly, but at least a few times) literally pulling her from bed, showering her, dressing her, and packing her lunch to get her ready for school. She’s been doing a few of the same classes for several times now due to just not showing up to them, so I thought that maybe I could help push her over this hump, and it would be smooth sailing on the other side. We pushed for last semester’s medical withdraw so that she could be in good academic standing and maybe even do research. Things were looking up, I was pretty hopeful. Maybe we had gained enough inertia and were finally going to make it over this hump. The dogs were in the house and seemed to have a good effect on her mood. 

This once again turned south the night we watched Maleficent (real honey of a movie, btw). After it was over I told her to take her pills, which, as almost always, she said no. I was pretty tired of giving them to her, but I did it anyway - once again forcing them in her mouth and giving her water. she refused to take them once again so I tilted the bottle so that water would go into her mouth - water splashed on to her face because it a hydroflask with a straw attachment, and not a normal bottle. I don’t know why I’m telling this in such specific detail, but the image is kind of burned in my mind. I really hated doing it. I’ve never been assertive or forceful, and this destroyed me every time. But I don’t know - seeing her face splashed with wet water, with her thoroughly unhappy - still kind of freaks me out. 

She calmly got up, got a pillow from her closet, grabber her keys, and left - all the while I asked where she was going but she made no response. Before she left I remembered to say “I love you” because even if I wasn’t feeling it at the time, if it was the last time I saw her I wanted it to be the last thing I said to her. She came back fairly soon and slept, without speaking about it.

The next day she texted me saying that she wanted the rooms split up again. That she wanted to break up. She’s done this before - she says that she wants to break up but then doesn’t want to the next day. I know this is temporary. But I was tired. So very tired. So I asked why, and I said ok. Fine. Let’s break up. When I got home from work, I split up the bedrooms once again. When she came home, she was mad at me for splitting up the rooms without her. I apologized. 

Several times she said she wanted to get back together. She would still come into my room to sleep with me, but I eventually put and end to that. Each step of the way I was pretty scared that something would just push her to suicide.

One day, she was particularly needy. She wanted to play a game, so we did - we played card games, we played Subs (essentially a version of Marco Polo) and we went out to get Pokemon Sun and Moon. It was alright, things were pretty fucking tense between us, and she would get mad at me for the smallest things. We got home and I wanted to play the game, so I started. She didn’t want me to start without her, so I stopped and played Skyrim instead. She didn’t like me playing Skyrim either. I don’t know what I was supposed to do. I remember sometime that day she was interested on having me teach her how to tie a specific knot, which I didn’t think much of at the time. Anyway, later that day she got fed up with me and left the house, saying that’d I’d have plenty of time to play Skyrim soon. She said she was going to visit a friends grave and then something along the lines of ‘leave forever’. I didn’t know where this friends grave was, and I couldn’t find out from any of her friends as quickly as I needed to. So I called the police, who were pretty busy but said they would send an officer over to my place to look over my texts. She called me, when she was at his grave. Told me about him. Said she was coming home. I called off the police and sat at home on the bed with her, crying yet again. I don’t normally cry, actually, but this is like the 3rd time in a year. She told me that she promised she would kill herself by July 2nd, I think. It’s July 3rd and she’s still alive, so there’s a small victory. But this was about a month ago, and I called the police again - because I was leaving on vacation soon and I wouldn’t be able to watch over her anymore. I called the police, or rather, texted my friend and had HER call the police, and was able to get the police over to our house in the nick of time, right before she got into the car to leave.

The acting on this girl is phenomenal. She could act totally fine and even portray me in a bad light. Thankfully, the police believed me and I showed them the texts. They waited for the trauma specialists or whatever to show up, and one of them led me outside and said I could petition to have her sent into a mental hospital against her will if she chose not to go. I did. I filled out the forms on the back of his car by the light of an iphone and he told me to go inside, go to a safe place, close the door, put some music on, and wait until they had cleared her out. I don’t know how long it took, but I just kind of laid there, in my bed, with my headphones on and a pillow over my head. It was so surreal. I don’t know how long it was - less than two minutes, judging by how many songs had passed. I was just a fucking mess. I contacted my two friends and had them facetime with me - kind of a janky ass setup where it wasn’t exactly a 3 person call but we made it work. I tried to keep it together for them, but was having very poor success. My friend offered to drive down to Tucson for me, because she’s an angel, and pick me up. I felt bad saying yes, but I did. She told me to sit tight and watch a funny show. I did. Two hours later and both of my friends were at the door. They came in, said hi to the animals, helped me remove all the sharps from the house, and drove me back to Phoenix. I went on vacation. I cleared my mind and soul, or what was left of each. They let her out of the hospital the next day. 

I’m tired of typing. I don’t want to say much more. But she’s moving out to her own place by the end of the week. She’s been posting shit about me on Facebook, writing me notes and sliding them under the door, sending me sad texts saying she wants to get back together, getting mad at me for not hanging out with her, coming in to my room to argue with me, not doing the chores she says that she’ll do, getting mad at me when I remind her...

I’m tired. I’m going to find a therapist to talk some things over with. 

[laviedepaloma]

My First post ever!

Where should I start....

It all began when I moved to SoCal...

My life wasn't going according to plan back in Texas. I had recently graduated from University and  I was a bit stuck helping my parents get their USA residency. The process of  helping my parents took 9 months and finally when they got their papers.. I felt relieved( I was finally able to move out and  find a job and start my professional career).

Little that I know it wasn't that easy. My first plan was to moved to Dubai .. but that didn't go so well. Not only because I couldn't find a job but I also didn't had enough money to  go and stay there and  find a job. I had spent so much money on going out and  helping a friend in need. I decided to stay in the US and get some experience  and maybe later on move to my so beloved  Dubai.

I met this guy online that lives in LA  and started talking to him almost everyday. He talked about how great California was and that it was a great place to live.. despite of  how expensive the cost of living is. I always loved California and it was a place I wanted to move when I graduated from High School... which also didn't happen because I was too young to be living by myself (according to my Dad).  I decided to apply to some jobs and visit California and see what my options were.

I visited LA twice and it wasn't until the second time I visited that I got a job. A job that wasn't exactly what I wanted. For starters the location wasn't in LA  it was actually in OC (Orange county) which is still a pretty cool place to live I have to admit.

That shitty Job was my only excuse to move because I no longer wanted to live in Texas. The next step  was to find a place to live.. after hours of searching  and investigating areas near my Job, I just couldn't find anything. OK here it goes...... but don't judge me, I went on Craigslist. Yup! Craigslist was my last resort and my only key to find something. I said to myself "How bad can it be, its worth the try" Lol. I am not gonna lie it wasn't easy but i founded a great place to live In Huntington Beach only 2 miles away from the beach at a great price( to be exact only $725 a month utilities included and  did I mention we have a pool!)  it was just unbelievable. The people reading this in SoCal please don't be jelly Haha. That's why we should never judge a book by its cover.. I didn't judge craigslist neither should you.. okay maybe just a little bit somethings can be super sketchy there I have to  admit. I was just lucky and now I really love the place where I live. The tenant and my roommates are great and I can't complain. The only thing is maybe I share a bathroom but that's about it...

Okay taking my story back to that time. I had finally found a place and I was so ready to go back to Texas pack all my things and move to SoCal. That's exactly what i did. Took the first plane back to Texas and  I started packing. Call me crazy but i drove from Texas all the way OC all by myself  hahaha. It took me a week  to pack   and exactly one day of driving if it wasn't because I stopped in Arizona to rest. When I finally got to LA I had all that weekend to sleep  and rest before I started my job on Monday.

My Job literally sucked no joke... It was the worst job I ever had. I was working 12 to 14 hrs a day  for  only minimum wage (commission base only) . I had no time for myself I had weekends off  and they were begging me to work on Saturdays like for real? This wasn't explained to me when  I got interviewed which was so unprofessional...I did knew the kinda job  that I was doing . I only wanted an excuse to move out.  A month passed and i was slowly getting tired of this job ... you may be thinking a Month and tired of the job already .. Well yes! It sucked that much... In march  I went on a business trip for the job.. and in that trip i decided to quit  i wasn't getting enough money and management was so rude and inconsiderate to their employees. I had no benefits no 401k ... nothing. I was talking to my sister that night  that I decided I was gonna quit once the trip was over  and one of my coworkers overheard that I was telling her  that and that I  also had a job interview that coming Monday.. Next thing one of the managers called me and asked me if everything was okay and i said, Yes everything is fine. She then said, "so why you want to quit' and i was like who said i wanted to quit?????? I overheard she said..  she was  far from me the only one that could have said anything was  my  coworker who  I realized was a snitch.......  Then my manager said  I also overhead you have job interview on Monday. I felt threaten  by her and I told her, yes I do is there a problem.. I am allowed to do it.  There is no words to express how unprofessional this was. To the point that she even said we are sending all of you back home when the week wasn't even finished. We still had more day of work there!  Thankfully I was only 3 hours far from my home, So I drove back home that Friday night and on Saturday I wrote my resignation letter. In a way it had to happen this way because it open my eyes that I was being exploited by this company. There is so many things to go on detail about this but I will not go into it ...You can already see it sucked!

I had no friends since this job consumed me a lot.  I did had friend who would call me occasionally and he was I guess the only person I could talk about what happen and my life. He is the kind of person who would talk to me for a long period of time and then he would disappear for also a long period of time. I haven't talk to him in like a month.. So he is not a reliable friend. I was without a job for about 3 weeks to be exact. In those 3 weeks I focused on finding another job. I had several job interviews and no luck. I was nervous and desperate for a job.. You know I have bills to pay everyone does. The only thing that saved me was my tax return.. and  I thank God for that.  I went into old habits of talking to strangers online on a virtual chat that I used to use a long time ago. I believe that kind of helped me to distract myself and talk to people since I had absolutely no friends. I met cool people that I talk to now and its been great so far.  During that time I also met a girl that lives near me and now we are good friends.. I enjoy hanging out with her a lot.

The third week I finally got a call from a recruiter. She had found me a good job. I did the interview and in less than a week I had a job already. Things just started to fall into place and I was finally getting my life back. I forgot to mentioned while I was unemployed I decided to become a vegetarian and its been a great month without meat. I feel amazing! I am not saying I will never eat meat again but I can definitely say we don't need meat in our systems.

For now I dedicate my time to getting the best out of life and to be a better person.  I feel like my life has just started and that definitely this chapter will be a good one. Moving to another state wasn't easy at the beginning but now  I feel blessed and I know many good things will come my way. I miss my family back in Texas but I know my Dad is proud of me and that was my initial goal in moving out. I really wanted to show him that i can be independent and that I am grown woman. Even though I miss Texas I know  living there wasn't for me. I love California specially the surf city I live in. :)

This is my first post ever ..I will try to post twice a week so wait for my other posts coming out soon! I have a topic that I think some people,  specially women can relate to.

OH! btw writing is not my strongest....so don't judge me if my grammar isn't the best lol

The End...

[goddess37]

Today I had to report harassment

The worst part is that I was too uncomfortable with the idea to even do it myself.

Last spring, I met a couple of guys at work. I’d been working there since the end of the previous summer, but they worked at the plant across the street and the only real overlaps were smoke breaks and I don’t smoke. When I finally made it outside last year I mostly scrolled through Pinterest or joked with the girl I work with and let everyone ignore me. Eventually though two of the guys, Brandon and Jordan, started talking to me here and there. Jordan even added me on Facebook.

It was kind of cool to have friends again. I’d been living in this state for about a year with no friends except for my boyfriend of a few months, now a year and a half. Brandon is pretty laid back, but Jordan seemed to want to talk all the time. It was fine at first and I would always oblige by discussing at length whatever subject he wanted to “debate” that time. Inevitably, we found ourselves on feminist topics. He identifies as an egalitarian. I don’t remember most of what he said anymore as this was almost a year ago and there were many “debates,” but one thing has stuck in my mind and marked the real beginning of our problem. We were discussing rape and he decided to argue- no, debate- that it wasn’t really such a big problem. I remember he made the “not ALL men” argument and I told him that no it wasn’t all men but it was enough. Apparently, the obvious response here was, “Who decides that it’s enough?” I guess even just one wasn’t enough for him as he then told me all of my examples were anecdotal. These examples included me, one of my mothers, and two of my closest friends, but these weren’t enough for him.

After that I started ignoring most of his texts, of which there were plenty-sometimes nineteen in a row. At first he asked why I never responded anymore and I always brushed it off, blaming it on my anxiety. In part, that was the reason. I was anxious talking to him. What core value or traumatizing experience would he try to diminish this time? As long as we only talked when people were around I was mostly okay. Whereas I would get angry and exacerbate the situation, others would distract us both. Conflict averted. We could make small talk at work or on the way to the theater with Brandon, but never alone or he would “debate” again. I tried even to never be too near him. Stand with someone between us, turn my body away from him, sit across from him at breaks instead of beside him. Eventually I quit going to breaks other than lunch at all and blamed it on the cold. It was fall by then and I’m from warmer climates so this was easily believed.

One day Brandon asked me to play Dungeons and Dragons. He wanted to be DM but needed a group. He told me there were a few people from his plant who were supposed to play, including Jordan, and we’d meet every Saturday. It was a group of several people so I thought it should be fine. No. When I got there I found out everyone had bailed. Everyone, that is, but Jordan and me. It turned out to be a lot of fun despite this and I still really enjoy playing. Our characters got along no better than we did in real life. His half-elf monk Noveon was argumentative and started fights with almost everyone we met. My tiefling druid Relentless Madness, Mad for short, was quiet, “spunky,” and tried her best to stay out of trouble. She even had to talk down the god of death after Noveon picked a fight with him. The god of freaking death—that’s unrelated.

Anyway, we still didn’t get along, but those texts never stopped. Day, night, weekends, before, after and during work. I still ignored the vast majority. I was afraid to confront the situation, because that would only spark some long drawn out conversation in which he had to be right. He always has to be right. I just ignored it and brushed it off and played D&D and tried not to let our conversations get to deep when I had to get rides from him when the roads got icy. I was always nervous since it’s a 30-40-minute drive to get to D&D and yet another on the way back. If he felt there were any issues between us he always tried to discuss them then and we almost always had some kind of issue. Those rides were so exhausting I almost quit D&D, which I really love to play.

Christmas came around and he got me two presents. I thought it was weird that he got me anything at all and I told him several times that he really shouldn’t get me anything, that he didn’t need to, but he still did. He got me a hair dryer and a set of make-up brushes. Neither gets much use, but you’re supposed to be grateful for gifts so I gave him a hug. I regret that deeply. I found out recently that he talked about it a lot after. He told me often that I’m one of his best friends, even if I don’t feel the same about him. I always ignored that.

When January hit us he wrote me a suicide letter through text. I had no idea what to do. This had never happened to me before and I’m ashamed to say I ignored that too. By that point I was constantly angry with him and the responsibility this text laid on me made me even angrier. So I ignored him. Nothing happened, thankfully.

His texts became more insulting afterward and he was clearly more and more upset that I never respond to him, though he always claimed he was joking.

In February, he blew up on me for the first time. For days he had been poking me, in the shoulder, the arm, the side, every time he passed me and I had had enough. I do not like to be touched. I can count on one hand the people who I am truly comfortable enough to let touch me. He has never been one of those people. He was aware of this, though I understand that for people who don’t have this aversion it can be hard to remember. When I confronted him I tried to be calm and nice about it. I walked up to our lunch table right after he had poked me again at the microwaves and said, “Dude, you need to quit touching me.” He made a face that was just so full of shock and hurt and told me he was sorry. I lied and told him it was okay and proceeded to pull out my phone and eat my food just like I do every day.

Six minutes after lunch ended he texted me to say again that he was sorry, to explain that he was only trying to show affection, and to promise that it would never happen again. I was working at the time and didn’t see it, though if I had I probably wouldn’t have responded. He’d said what he felt he needed to and I had already told him it was okay. Twenty minutes later he sent me this.

“I also, promise the next

time you text me, no matter

how important, save life

threatening situations, I’m

going to be ignoring that text,

since that seems to be a thing.”

 Out of pure spite I ignored that as well. It was rude and unwarranted, but apparently he wasn’t done. About an hour after every one got off work I received a 48-page text message. It took a whole two minutes for it all to come through. I had to just silence my phone and walk away from it. These texts told me that he was very upset by our confrontation not because of what I said, but how I said it and the fact that I didn’t change the topic after so he wouldn’t feel as bad… I’d been dealing with very unwanted physical contact for days and had tried not to say anything so I didn’t hurt his feelings, but somehow I was the rude one. That makes sense. He went on to say that I had just ignored him for the rest of lunch. For once, I hadn’t ignored him. At lunch, I generally don’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me. Everyone pretty much accepts that except for him. He told me that I had been harsh, distant and unfriendly. I even said “Dude” to try to soften the blow. He told me again that he had forgotten about my aversion to touch and that he felt as if I had slapped him across the face. Then he confessed how he had been having a bad day at work I “put the icing on top.” He felt that I really didn’t want to be friends with him (Shocker!) since I really only talked to him when we play D&D and he had no idea why I would feel that way. He told me how he would’ve handled the situation by texting back because that’s what friends do when they have a concern or problem. The rest of this book of a text he tried to tell me how good of a friend I am and that he isn’t trying to manipulate me…

For the next few weeks he tried to get me to go eat with him a few times and criticized my boyfriend for not cooking for me on Valentine’s Day when I said that I would be the one cooking. Other than that we were much more civil to one another though I still tried to keep my distance. He even fixed my computer and put the movie Moana on it as I had been dying to see it.

Last Thursday it started getting scary. The previous day he had sent me a picture of him wearing a leprechaun hat and beard with the words “Oh yeah!” over Messenger. I looked at it and then promptly went to bed. I woke up to three videos from Facebook, I think they were supposed to be funny but I didn’t watch them, and a message saying, “Btw, that pic of me deserved an lol!!” I still didn’t reply. Then as soon as I got to lunch he joked that I should have at least laughed at it. I told him, “I’m sorry I don’t feel the need to respond to all of your texts.” He shut down and pouted for the rest of lunch and didn’t say ‘bye when he left. That was essentially the same thing he didn’t back at the beginning of February.

Over the next week there were so many texts I can’t remember what all he said. After work he sent texts to Brandon and me saying that he wouldn’t be at D&D because he didn’t want to be around anyone. Then he sent another text complaining about me that was only supposed to go to Brandon. He apologized of course and I told him I understood that sometimes people need to blow off steam, but I was annoyed and needed sleep so I was done talking. He was angry after that and sent me a book complaining that I wasn’t being understanding of his feelings since he had had a bad night, I’d been rude to him and now he was embarrassed about accidentally sending me that text. The rest of the morning he continued to tell me how I’m terrible and insensitive and that I needed to call or meet him so we could talk it out. I told him no multiple times and that he needed to back off. He didn’t.

That afternoon, he apologized. That sets the pattern for the rest of the week. Constantly insulting me, then apologizing and praising me, often from one sentence to the next. On Monday, he told me that this had all been because he was not taking his depression medication regularly. He also told me that the side effects of them were “related to erections, numbing in the penile region, and [his] libido.” That was much more information than I wanted, or had asked for since I hadn’t communicated with him at all since Friday morning. He asked me to talk to him on last break, saying that I owed him a face to face explanation. I got angry, angrier than I’ve been in a long time. I marched into the break room and told him I owed him nothing. I told him he had been harassing and bullying me all weekend and that I was done. I had hit my breaking point. He tried to explain it away, saying that he hadn’t meant to, that it hadn’t been his intention to do that. I told him again that I was done and I left. He didn’t come to work the next day.

When he did come back the following day he had shaved his head. As in, Brittany Spears meltdown, it was all gone. I didn’t speak to him and did my best not to even look at him. It was quite peaceful until the end of the day when he texted to ask if I minded if he still attended D&D. Brandon and I had discussed it that day Jordan was absent and we were both of the mind that we didn’t want him there. When he wasn’t harassing me, he was harassing Brandon about me and, according to Brandon, it was getting obsessive. I told Jordan I didn’t want to be near him. He didn’t say anything more until I got to work Thursday.

I pulled into my normal spot, on the phone with my mom, when I see my boss walking up to my car. He told me Brandon had mentioned something was going on with Jordan and me and he wanted to hear my side. He then realized I was on the phone and said he’d come find me later to discuss it during actual working hours. I had about twenty minutes to fret on the phone with my mom. If Brandon had said something it must be worse than I thought. I had been more worried that he’d hurt himself than me, but obviously Brandon was concerned. That was alarming to me. Then I got yet another text from Jordan that dwarfed the others not only in size but in malice. This alarmed me too. Not long after work began, my boss found me and I told him everything. I let him look through all of the messages, though nobody really had time to read ALL of them. He said he would let HR know and that it would be taken care of. I never heard more about it from him, but Brandon told me yesterday that he’d told Jordan not to talk to me anymore. Jordan apparently complained for the rest of the night that I had filed harassment against him because I couldn’t admit that I was wrong… I’ve been warned by a couple people now to be “…cautious.”

I haven’t seen or heard from him since then, although Brandon says he’s still harassing him about me. Mostly, I just want to be left alone. The more I think about this, the scarier it all gets.