#she’s a smart businesswoman sure

[shitswiftiessay]

so the swifties are visiting my blog and they’re absolutely foaming at the mouth because i suggested that taylor isn’t radical or punk (god forbid). but they’re ignoring all the posts where i expose the rampant racism and misogyny in their fandom because they don’t give a shit about that. very telling and proving of my point about who they are as a fandom.

[omgthatdress]

Barbie made her debut in 1959. The way she was sold then is a little different than the way she's sold now. These days, individual Barbies come with their own unique looks & usually some kind of unique function or accessories. You can buy clothes separately, but those looks are still secondary to the expectation of buying a lot of Barbies. Back in the day, you bought the one Barbie and then bought her clothes separately. This is why back then Barbie came with a bunch of friends and always came wearing a swimsuit.

The oft-memed origin story for the classic Barbie is that she was modeled on a German sex doll named Lili, which is only partially true. In the 50s, most dolls available for girls were baby dolls that primed girls for being a wife and mother. Fashion dolls were a thing but they were generally more reserved for adults.

Ruth Handler, who co-founded Mattel with her husband and served as its president from 1945-1973 (#girlboss much?), got the idea of making an adult doll for girls when she'd see her daughters playing with paper dolls. Instead of playing with babies, they chose teen-aged and adult paper dolls and played fantasized versions of adulthood. Then, on a trip to Germany, Ruth saw a Lili doll in a store, and asked her daughters what they'd think of playing with a doll like that. Apparently, they liked the idea.

Lili the doll wasn't an inflatable fuck doll. She was based on a popular comic strip character Lili created by Reinhard Beuthien and published in the Hamburg-based Bild Zeitung. Lili was a buxom gold-digger seducing her way through the wealthy men of post-war West Germany.

The comic was definitely adult-oriented, and the doll it created was a popular bachelor party gag gift.

The introduction of a doll with breasts did cause *some* controversy, but it was more pearl-clutching rather than tremendous cultural outrage. Barbie was actually an immediate hit. She fit in very well to late 50s ideals of femininity. I've heard it said before that parents liked her because she helped little girls get into the beauty, fashion, and level of grooming that she would need to catch a husband. IDK if that was intentional, but it seems to fit very well.

I don't want to get into whether or not Barbie is this huge feminist icon or not because, well, she's a toy. I think Ruth Handler was an incredibly smart businesswoman who saw a market demand and met it. Barbie is about the power of fantasy and imagination, and anything that people see in her are the things they want to see in her.

In her incredible multitude of careers, she also holds up an impossible and toxic standard of beauty. Mattel has always been very aware of Barbie's image. I'm pretty sure that the reason Mattel hated "Barbie Girl" so much wasn't because it was wink-wink sexual, but because it nailed the popular stereotype of the time that Barbie was this fake, plastic bimbo who was an unhealthy role model for girls (go listen to Aquarium, now!).

The recent years of Barbie taking on a more empowering, feminist, and diverse lean is because Mattel is simply correcting course and keeping up with the times. Honestly, they've done a very good job of it, but I'm not going to kid myself into thinking they're doing anything other than maximizing profits.

I love me some Barbie but I was always an AG girl, ngl. However, I think Barbie and her cultural context are still incredibly fascinating and worth taking a look at.

[lili-lilith9]

I made this

Part2

Simon was a dedicated soldier in the Special Forces, known for his bravery and tactical expertise in the field. He had been serving for over a decade, and he was respected by his peers for his unwavering commitment to his duty. However, there was one thing that Simon cherished more than his job - his son, Alexander.

Simon's wife, Y/N, was a successful businesswoman who worked hard to provide for their family while Simon was away on missions. Despite her busy schedule, she always made sure to spend quality time with Alexander whenever she could. However, today, Y/N had an important job that required her to leave for the entire day, leaving Simon with their one-year-old son.

As Simon prepared to leave for the military base, Alexander toddled after him, clinging onto his leg and crying. Simon's heart broke at the thought of leaving his son behind with babysitter but Alexander's cry make his decision change. He decided to bring Alexander to the base with him, hoping that it wouldn't cause any trouble.

When they arrived at the base, Simon's teammates were surprised to see him with Alexander. They had never seen him bring his son to work before. But Simon assured them that Alexander would behave and stay out of their way. After all, he didn't want to be a distraction to his team or put his son in any danger.

As Simon went through his daily tasks and training, Alexander followed him around, fascinated by the soldiers and the base equipment. Simon's teammates couldn't help but smile at the adorable sight of Simon's son trying to imitate his father's every move. They were all tough and battle-hardened soldiers, but their hearts melted at the sight of the little child.

But the highlight of Alexander's day was when he stumbled upon the Task Force 141. The elite team's members were on break, and they immediately noticed the little toddler wandering around the base. They were surprised to see a child in such a high-security area, but as soon as they saw Simon, they realized the reason for his presence.

Simon introduced Alexander to his teammates, and they were amazed by how smart and curious the little boy was. They played with him, let him explore their gear, and even showed him some military exercises. Alexander was thrilled and couldn't stop giggling as he tried to mimic their movements.

One of the Task Force members, John, took a particular liking to Alexander. He was known to be the toughest and most serious out of all of them, but Alexander's innocence and joy seemed to bring out a different side of him. He even let Alexander wear his helmet, which delighted the little boy to no end.

As the day went on, Alexander formed a bond with the Task Force 141, and they all adored him. Even Simon was amazed at how well his son was getting along with the soldiers. He couldn't help but feel proud of his little boy, who was fearless and curious, just like his father.

In the evening, when Simon had to train some new soldiers, Alexander continued to play with the Task Force members. He sat on their laps, played with their toys, and even tried to imitate their weapons. The soldiers were more than happy to entertain and keep an eye on him while Simon was busy with his duties.

When it was time for Simon to leave, Alexander tired goodbye to his new friends. He had the time of his life, and he wouldn't forget the adventure he had at the military base. As they drove back home, Simon couldn't stop smiling at his son's innocent excitement. He was proud of his little boy and grateful to his teammates for taking such good care of him.

part 1

part 3

part 4

[romancefranaticstay]

◦•●❤♡ Mïñê ßåÐ Gïrl ♡❤●•◦

彡(✿╹◡╹) 𝘊𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘺: 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵, 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘦𝘭 (｀∀´)Ψ

◦•●❤♡ Ä/ñ ♡❤●•◦

: You are a an ice-woman. Nobody can come inside your heart. Your smart and you observe everyone. Nobody can fool you... nobody can let you fall for them... okay maybe not nobody...

(Best Music Vibe: bloodline x pony mix)

You were a businesswoman, you never had time for any romantic-actions. You never had any interest in them, it was always: work, work , work, money and fame.

You were pretty know for your image. Many big brands wanted you because you were the 'perfect' business woman.

You actually were the perfect one and thats why it was harder for you to fall in love. You never fell in love, actually you don't even know what real love is. What is it? How does it feel? Mostly on camera people see you as an actractive frighten woman.

'Do not mess with her' as caption. But behind the curtains, you were very soft and talkactive.

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'Goodmorning ma'am, here is your coffee.'

'Coffee with extra milk and 2 thee spoons with sugar?'

'Yes ma'am.'

You took it from your assistent. She was the only person who know the 'real you'.

'Thank you Aurora.' you wink.

'Mine pleasure, miss.'

You went in ur office, which had the perfect view over New York. Your office was the typical 'office' you see in shows. You were wearing a black dress with much elegance.

You were sitting and writing some percentage's of the new 'hype' that got annonced past saturday. It looked very good and you were happy because of the great succes.

One day it was kind of a mess at work, so your one assistent wasn't enough. You brought one of your best workers to find a second assistent. You gave them a list with questions to ask.

After some days they found the 'perfect assistent'. You were stunned that someone actually passed the list. Tommorow you will meet the person.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You walked into the building with your suitcase, as always. Your black dress giving shape into your body. Your coat giving more elegance. You were maybe scary but you were (hella) attractive.

'Goodmorning boss.'

'Goodmorning ma'am.'

'Looking stunning as always ma'am.'

'Greeting miss.'

'Beautifull morning boss.'

You hated it when people were overfriendly. You always knew they did it to get promoted. Some people did it genuinly because they were nice and good persons, but some... you don't even want to get started.

'Goodmorning ma'am.' Aurora your assistent says.

'Goodmorning Aurora. Where is the newby?'

'He is bringing some of his supplies from downstairs.'

'Its a he? Interesting...'

'I heard his name is Lee Felix y/n.'

Only Aurora could call you by your actual name. She was your bestfriend and you both liked to gossip a bit.

'Interesting, interesting... If he is present, send him to mine office.'

'I will surely do, ma'am y/n.'

you laugh.

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ミミ◦❧◦°˚°◦.¸¸◦°´❤•.¸♥ 𝓗𝓲𝓼 𝓹𝓸𝓿 ♥¸.•❤´°◦¸¸.◦°˚°◦☙◦彡彡

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I am standing in a very large building. There are everywhere glass windows. I have a box between mine arms. This company is very precise i heard. I alreaddy got a hole tour of the building and where to go.

I went to the elevator and clicked on the number 70.

The trip went very slow, because it stopped at almost 70 deparments.

Finally it reached mine destinition.

'Welcome, sir. I am Aurora. I am one of the assistents of miss y/n. She requested you to enter her office.'

'Thank you.'

I putted mine box down at mine new desk. Aurora pointed at the big door. The door is all black.

I knocked on the door three times untill i heard a woman voice say: Enter.

I opened the door and saw a beautifull woman sitting behind her desk.

'Goodmorning...' she looked at her paper 'Lee Felix. You may enter.'

I was to stunned to speak, i never saw such beauty. Her eyes were shining, i can't describe what i was feeling at the moment. It was just magical.

'Mine pleasure, ma'am.'

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ミミ◦❧◦°˚°◦.¸¸◦°´❤•.¸♥ 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓹𝓸𝓿 ♥¸.•❤´°◦¸¸.◦°˚°◦☙◦彡彡

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You were strong to keep your head cool, but when you made eye-contact with him. Something inside you started beating faster.

'You can sit down.'

He sat down.

'You have gotten some information about our system, did you understand everything.'

'Yes ma'am.'

'Everyday your duty is to fill the report cards and give it to me at the end of the day.'

He nods.

'At the end of the day, i will call mine assistents in mine office. Always have the report cards with you.'

'Yes ma'am.'

'Good, welcome to the company.'

i reach out to his hand. His felt soft.

'Thank you ma'am.' he stood up from his seat. He left and closed the door.

The first interaction between you two... but not the last...

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Some months passed, and Lee Felix got used to the system and the way of working.

Felix got attached to your prescence. You never noticed that. He always waited for you to come and tried to get as close to you as possible.

You loved the way his pinky always touched yours.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ミ★ 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 ★彡

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a part going on at the company. They say adults can't go wild, but when you came in there, your mouth fell open. Litterly beasts, every drinks and cans. It was wild. The music was to loud, the lights were dark but bright at the same time.

There were people standing on the desk, shouting and screaming drunkly, and also singing songs false.

You came with your assistent (bestfriend) Aurora to the Office Party. It was quit easy to find a way into the crowd, because even tho they were drunk. They knew you were their boss.

'Never knew they could go wild like that.' Aurora shouted.

'I know right, they are like animals.'

You were looking around, trying to find some regular people or people you actually liked. You saw felix sitting at the bar with a drink in his hand, he was looking at the people who were dancing. He looked very handsome, his suit was so tight.

Suddenly he turned his head and you two made eye-contact. Everyone in the room stopped moving, it was just you and him in the moment. The moment that would forever last in your memory, but not in the actual world.

He came over to you while Aurora was flirting with some random worker of yours.

'Goodevening miss, its quit loud here don't you think?'

'Yes indeed, its very loud. I have the feeling that mine eardrums could explode at any moment now.'

'Are your ears hurting that much?' he asked.

'Yes, a bit.'

You never saw that coming but he covered with his hands your ears. Keeping your back close to his chest. You could feel and hear his heartbeat rising when your leaning in.

'You maybe want to go somewhere a bit quieter, miss?' he asked.

'That would wiser than staying here.'

He took your hand and leaded you towards your office.

'Thank you, Felix.'

'Its mine pleasure, miss.'

For a few moments it was quit uncomfortable the silents, but it was peacefull. You two made eye-contact from across the room. The heat was rising every moment. You could see the bulge in his pants grow bigger and bigger every second.

He walked over to you and just stood infront of you. Just staring in your eyes. Your hands placed on his chest.

'What are you planning to do?' you asked.

'Something i planned for a long time.' he said smirking.

He placed his hand on the wall which you were leaning against to. He started to kiss your jaw-line, leaving sloppy kisses behind. He started to leave hickey's on your neck.

He started to slowly undress you, throwing your clothe's on the floor. You had black lingerie on, it was beautifull. His clothe's were off before you could count to three.

You two were kissing eachother softly, just enjoying eachother scent and touch. You were walking backwards towards your desk. You jumped on your desk, pushing all your papers and document out of the way. Making sure everything is off the desk.

He gently layed you on the desk, with your arms wrapped around his neck. His fingers wandering towards your panties, gently rubbing against your clit. He could feel how wet you alreaddy were. You attached your lips with his, kissing eachother open-mouthed. Your tongue's dancing and twirling with eachother.

Your hands wandered into his underwear. Pulling his lenght out and gently stroking it. He was whimpering into your mouth. He slowly pulled your panties down. Positioning himself between your legs. You could feel the tip of his cock against your pussy.

He pushed himself into you. Looking at you with a concerned face, just to make sure your enjoying it. You pulled him into a sloppy kiss again. He slowly pumped into you, softly stroking your hair. Your hands also wandered into his hair, it was very soft. You both were moaning into eachothers mouth.

His pumping got a little bit faster. Supporting your back with his hands, making sure you are comfortable. You were about to cum, your hands gripping on his back. Your back was arched, sweat dripping from your forehead.

'I am g-going to c-cum, b-baby.' you said, trying to catch your breath.

His pace started to harsher and faster. You putted your hands behind his head, wanting to look him in the eyes. His lips were swollen, his face sweatty, his hair was wet.

You both came at the same moment. His forehead resting on yours. Gently stroking your cheek with his hand. He brought you in for a kiss again, the kiss was full of passion. Resting in eachothers arm. His chin was laying on your head. Swinging to the left and right. You felt safe, you felt loved, you felt real.

'I love you Y/N.'

You turned your head to look at him.

'I love you to Felix.'

Bringing him again for a kiss.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You both tried to keep your relationship a secret, but everyone could see the tension between you two. You two couldn't stop touching eachother.

Felix was also constantly in your office, suspicious isn't it? The desk always reminded you of that evening with him. A wonderfull memory, to caress for your entire life with him.

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THE END

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[lydia-too-late]

Hi there! Wanna know what kinda place you've stumbled into?

I'm a real, live human-person. She/her, creative dilettante, art dabbler, writing enthusiast.

I'm here for the writing and the vampires, mostly, but straying wildly off-topic is part of the fun. I often post my writing, much of it about an OC VtM character named Tula Redgrave, a Lasombra neonate and reluctant diablerista. You may find her here, and beneath the cut.

FULL NAME :: Talulah (Tula) Redgrave

APPARENT AGE :: 26 (embraced 2020)

ACTUAL AGE :: 31 (born 1995)

Important Note: Self Control is set in 2026

CLAN :: Lasombra 

SIRE :: Evelyn Astor. Blonde, perfectly coiffed, perfectly dressed, sharp bones, sharp eyes, sharp bearing; embraced 1930s, in her late 40s or early 50s. (She’s not the type of woman you’d dare to ask.) Widowed young in her mortal life, Evelyn presumably caught the eye of her sire by being the era-rare businesswoman who went fiercely toe-to-toe with her male contemporaries. Evelyn never offered Tula much insight into her past, her powers, or her personal philosophies beyond Never Lose. She’s Lasombra. Who really wants to revisit all of those betrayals? 

HAVEN :: An elderly woman’s apartment. A moment of weakness for Tula, and a door to the sublime for the owner, Ethel. The body is gone, and the bills are (presumably) autopaid from an unknown account. Eviction notices have been regularly appearing on the door, and it appears Tula’s time at Ethel’s place is running out.

STATUS :: Tula has been in Las Alturas for about seven months. For much of that time, she was only very loosely affiliated with kindred society, working as a bartender for Salvator Santos, ghoul to a prominent local Anarch (Miel, the “Party Baron”). She now works directly for Miel, doing odd jobs: protection, message-delivering, information-finding.

Porcelain doll, but make it tomboy. Average height and thin frame, with enough lean muscle on her limbs to suggest some athleticism in her mortal life. Hungry cheekbones, full lips. Resting scowl-face. Some nonspecific and irrelevant European heritage: pale skin, a fading scatter of freckles, sun-starved red hair in lazy, haphazard curls. Mostly casual fits and no makeup, but she’s not against being better turned-out for special occasions, especially if someone else is willing help. (Again. Lasombra.) Overall, there’s a sense of rawness in her bearing and demeanor, of potential unrealized.

LIKES

:: The inhale and exhale of waves against a shore, the lure of potential in a far horizon.

:: The three photos she still has of herself, taken prior to her embrace, the edges grown soft from handling. 

:: Bass, the kind that splits deep, like a primal echo, like the shudder of life in her slumbering cells. 

:: Baths. Hot water warming her skin.

DISLIKES

:: Bartending. (You’d like her to smile? If only you knew how sharp her teeth were, you wouldn’t ask.)

:: Fluorescent lighting. The pallor of her skin. The anemic shadows. The diseased-looking kine. What was bad with mortal eyes has become intolerable with vampire ones. 

:: Toreadors. They are the worst. 

:: You’ve heard this story before. Poor little rich girl. Perhaps Tula wasn’t real rich, not fuck you rich. She shouldn’t have had any complaints. Both parents were doctors, both smart, capable, distant. Why they chose to have a child is a mystery; no one involved appeared to take much pleasure in the arrangement. The memories of her childhood - the trips, events, holidays - consist of being surrounded by disinterested adults offering tight, tense smiles. A series of shifting backdrops for her solitude. 

:: Typical high school boyfriend, typical college break-up. A prestigious grad school meant perpetual stress: keen loneliness, the specter of inadequacy. Pills. First occasionally, then persistently.

:: How she attracted the attention of Dr. Astor — Evelyn — in this state, she’s not sure. What started as a professional relationship rapidly turned personal; soon she had no secrets, no time or interest to devote to anything but her mentor and their work. Tula’s memories of the the night she was embraced are painful and confusing. She knows she suffered. She knows Evelyn laughed to see it. She knows the wretched pit of emptiness already existing within fractured deeper, went darker, and grew teeth.

:: Evelyn was precariously Camarilla, still earning their trust, and as a result, she was obsessive about Tradition and Decorum. Any misstep on Tula’s part was a threat to her standing, and she never let it be forgotten.

:: To become a recognized member of the Atlanta Camarilla, the Prince tasked Tula with the hunting and killing of a Tzimisce infiltrator within their city - a test for both her personal loyalty, and the “quality” of her Sire’s bloodline. She was given three nights.

:: On the second night, Tula found and fought the Tzimisce, an alien-tall, long-limbed, long-tongued creature named Luna. She should have lost that fight. Yet miraculously, when vitae spilled in terrible abundance, it wasn’t hers. Tula couldn’t resist — she drank and drank, unthinking, beastly, until she’d consumed Luna’s essence. 

:: Evelyn and the Prince were horrified by the diablerie. The act was primitive, base, corrupting. Soul-level soiled by Luna’s Tzimisce blood, Tula was a mongrel, unfit for their society. She was banished from the city and disowned by her sire. It was mercy not to kill her, they said, but no one expected her to survive long on her own anyway.

:: (Important note for the future: Evelyn had killed at least two of her childer prior to Tula. Unbeknownst to Tula, their bloodline is particularly inclined to diablerie, and more specifically, the diablerie of one’s own sire. It is likely that it traces back to Sybil, the only woman embraced by Lasombra himself, though all of these facts are murky, debatable.) 

:: For a little over a year, Tula meandered westward, broken and haunted. Surviving, but barely. Tortured by Luna’s memories of her Sabbat pack and their animal companionship, projected like dreams throughout her daysleep. 

:: Las Alturas was land’s end, the very edge of the hemisphere on the banks of the broad Pacific. Nowhere else to go. Skittish, bitter, mistrusting, she got a bartending job at a ghoul-owned bar named Otros and laid low. It felt like waiting. She didn’t know for what. 

:: When a kindred called Silk dropped a parcel by Otros, she recognized them from her dreams: Luna’s favored packmate, her most beloved. The possessive, obsessive feelings, the bloodbonded intimacy. Tula was overwhelmed by it. Silk, too, sensed something magnetic in Tula, and after only a few interactions they were inseparable. Is it the blood? Is it real? Are those things mutually exclusive? 

:: Tula must, in the near future, tell Silk about Luna. Was Luna, via dream-memory, nudging Tula toward her former packmate, delivering this diablerist into the arms of revenge? Was Luna simply tormenting Tula with memories of love and belonging, because -- despite all of her privilege and opportunities -- it was something she never had? Is this obsession all Tula’s own doing, the result of her fundamental inability to practice restraint? To what extent is Tula’s free will impacted by Luna’s blood? And how much does it even matter?

:: Tune in next week. Or next month. Or whenever we figure it out. 

[happyk44]

Hazel tucked her chin against her knees. Shadows were blustering around her, picking up pens and making notations on a dozen different stray papers while Pluto stared, wide-eyed, at the three monitors in front of him. His eyes never flickered away from the one in front of him, but the mouse scrolled rapidly to either side, opening spreadsheets and clacking in numbers.

She liked watching him work. It was kind of funny. For other people it was probably creepy, his dead-eyed stare, pale skin illuminated by the bright monitor in the dim office. Shadows twisted around like tertiary limbs. He barely moved anything but his fingers. Didn't speak a word.

But work was done, vacations approved, overtime denied, gem and metal requests from various gods reviewed, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

It was so neat. She wondered if this is how she looked when she reviewed Camp Jupiter's spending. She probably moved more than he did, but the wide-eyed hyperfocused stare, everything else falling to the wayside of shadows and unimportance - she was sure that existed in her. Although she was definitely more startled by sudden presences than he was.

He didn't mind her watching him. He was fully aware she was there, greeted her when she walked in and patted her head when she sat on the edge of his desk, observing.

She glanced over to the monitor. Her eyes scanned through the data. It was an update on the recent mining activity - a couple dozen souls had recently been sentenced to the mines as punishment. Production would increase. Naturally. They'd need to figure out what to prioritize in digging out. No sense in increasing production if the gems being pulled weren't in demand.

Off the top of her head, Hazel considered what she'd do. Review past requests, see what was most popular around this season, what would be most popular in the upcoming season, start on the prep for that. Maybe she'd have some people look over the current trends in jewelry. People weren't clamouring for diamonds the same way they used to be. She was pretty sure pearls were coming back into style this year. Moonstone looked close enough.

She poked Pluto with her finger. He hummed, curiously, sparing her no look, but one of the wiry shadows blustering around poked her back.

She tucked her smile behind her knees. "Do you have moonstone availability?"

"I can," he said easily. "Moonstone does require more pressure to form. And very high temperatures. I usually build it closer down to Tartarus and near the Phlegethon." The screens blurred in a piston of movement as his fingers clicked and clacked at the keyboard and deftly moved about the mousepad. "Yama has very fine moonstone beneath his earth, as well. I'm sure he'd be happy to take some of our beloathed for punishment in exchange." He tilted his face in her direction. "Do you think moonstone will be viable this period?"

Her lip bit raw in her mouth. But she relaxed and nodded. "I do. Pearls are popular this year, but expensive. And there still exists concerns over harvesting. Moonstone is a much more inexpensive substitute and, if well crafted, will be indistinguishable from the untrained eye."

His eyes held her in that same dead-eyed stare. And then they softened. A smile gently graced his face. He slid his chair closer to her and caught the back of her head, bringing her down for a gentle kiss on the head.

"Smart girl," he mused as he slid away. "I'll make a note to increase our moonstone production then."

She grinned widely and resisted the urge to wiggle in excitement. Instead, she relaxed and let herself lean into the wall. The monitors twisted ever so slightly so she could still see them at her new angle.

Maybe Pluto would take her to meet his Hindu counterpart. She considered that, herself tucked into her father's side, dressed clean but not flashy, a little businesswoman at a godly business meeting.

It was exciting to think of. Already thoughts were flowing about what she'd say to urge his "Yes" to the moonstone mining beneath his earth. Pluto had friends across all the chthonic pantheons. They thought he was interesting, and his temperance was smooth enough to handle even the most rowdy of them, but still. She wanted to prove herself in this way. Prove she was of him, the same way Nico was. That she deserved a place at their table too.

I am my father's daughter, she thought. The underground, where all the mineral wealth hides, is my world too.

[lmelodie]

Chimera Fun Facts!

Because I did one for Kills AGES ago and now that she's more ironed out as a person, its Meras turn! She hasn't been getting as much love as she deserves on this page which is a DAMN SHAME so I'm doing it now!

Her cat half isn't actually based on a pure leopard but a tiger

Chimera DEFINITELY has a giant carnivorous plant that lives in her green house, a la little shop of horrors. It doesn't speak or anything, it's just kinda like a pet that eats human flesh. Her name is Lydia.

It's always a preshow tradition for the other showgirls to help Chimera bedazzle/paint her wings before her number. It's a bonding moment where they hype each other up before going on stage.

She is a businesswoman! A working woman and entrepreneur that's very fiscally smart and knows business probably better than anyone

She also definitely started the whole trend of poisoning people in 1600s Paris. May or may not have instigated the Affair of the Poisons and watched the whole thing go down like a telenovela, she was KNEE DEEP in that whole thing.

She also whispered in a few ears in order for the Poison Garden to be established and managed to get herself a job as a tender for it to properly look after it (pales in comparison to her own garden in her home but it's a nice little side project).

Has severe claustrophobia and panics when being tied up/restrained, as a trauma response from her earliest life experiences (that I will hopefully explain upon in a small side story at some point).

She also came out of those experiences with a whole lot of body image issues so she, at some point, goes through an entire body positivity journey to love her unique form.

In as basic of terms as I can manage, she creates an enchantment to give herself normal legs and lives like that for a little bit only to find that IT SUCKS until Kills is like:

"Yes, your body can be used, but it can also be used by you, for EVIL and REVENGE!"

And Chimera is like "Oh my god your so RIGHT!"

And now every room she walks into is legally hers :)

She chuffs and purrs like cats!

Her and cupid are good friends, and bond over being lumped together in the same pantheon and calls him cousin

She got SO HYPE when she found out that her name became an adjective and was so excited to find out what it meant until she was told that it literally translates to something so fantastical that its completely unrealistic. She doesn't like it, but there's also not much she can do about it.

Unlike most other spirits who had someone else teach them how to use magic, Chimera is completely self-taught. She may have picked a few things from others here and there, but she mostly taught herself through experimentation and trial and error.

She has given her professional opinion to various medical practices about various poisons and the effects on the body. Probably slept with a few doctors.

She likes going to the human world and seeking out awful men who roofie women's drinks and roofie them right back. She makes sure to drink the spiked drinks they all give her and watch as she isn't affected but every guy she talks to collapses.

Also the Protector of Women in her own clubs she's performing at. If any of the dancers have a problem with a particularly handsy guy, they get Chimera and she sorts them out REAL QUICK.

Is Killian's designated Straight Wife decoy for when they went out and about in human establishments.

Pick pockets men on the daily

Has stolen SO MUCH MONEY from Jack on the tail end of him and Killian's relationship it is UNREAL

She has not figured this out yet but technically, in theory, if she were to really try at it, she could heal people from poison or venom damage.

Gets most of her clothes from centaur run/catered businesses but still needs some things custom made to fit her custom form.

She is somewhere in her late 2,000s. 2,800 or around there seems about right

[pandagirl45]

Could you please write something about Natasha and Pepper taking care of Morgan together

Natasha wasn't sure how to feel being around Morgan, who just turned 6 this year. She was unsure how to feel, not because she was Tony's and Pepper's kid but they broken up. Pepper and Tony.

Natasha didn't want to be seen as the person taking her dad's spot. An individual that doesn't belong there. The spy wasn't shy about loving Pepper but she was deathly aware that Morgan may not like her.

"Nat, if she likes Bucky, then she," The businesswoman pressed a firm but loving kiss on the red's head temple, "She likes you."

Natasha nodded but she couldn't help it. She was sure on a lot of things, she was knowledgable in many. She understands and can recon on her targets. That is the thing, Morgan isn't a target.

She is a child.

A child of two, smart, and talented people. She is a six year old girl that Natasha finds herself terrified of. All it would take was for Morgan to be dissatisfied, tell her parents and she is out. She'll lose Pepper and she has to... breath.

Breath.

Pulling back into the now, Natasha watched as Morgan ate pancakes and apple slices. She listened to Pepper talking to Tony about doing a trick-or-treating. Morgan looked at her with bright brown eyes before she gave a shy smile.

"Are you going to marry my mom?"

Natasha blinked as she watched Pepper stopped as well, the cheeks blooming pink. Both women stammered, "Maybe... yes?" Both looked to each other. Natasha stared as she listened to Morgan let off a giggle.

"Bucky said he was going to marry Dad if I am okay with it. I am okay with it." Morgan let out thoughtfully, Pepper's sigh was a soft chuckle kissing her head, "Mommy!"

The spy stared at her and then her daughter before letting her smile pull, "Morgan, is that alright for me too?"

"Yeah! You make mom giggle a lot. Plus you are strong too. I have four strong parents now." She lifted up four grinning.

The spy looked to the CEO who gave a smile as the click of her heels came over to Natasha, a gentle press of a kiss on her temple, "Weddings are on hold, how about we pick out your Halloween costumes huh?"

Natasha agreed listening to Morgan excitedly say she wanted all of them dress up as the power rangers or Strawberry Shortcake friends.

[thenixkat]

just I wish they'd, like, make up their mind on how villainous Victoria is supposed to be, not a fan of all the apologizing she's doing. Like, if she legitimately thinks she's perfect and the smartest woman on Earth, why apologize? Even if she's including Ted in the perfect thing, and she seems to, why apologize to her baby brother. Like, she's a businesswoman and a billionaire, those are not the kinds of people who apologize for shit. You don't apologize for shit with corporate people b/c that is a weakness that yer competitors and employees will sniff out and try to exploit. I can see stating what happened, how it fucked up, and steps to remedy the issue but not fucking apologizing. It feels weak, like, undermining her terrible choices.

Also if she's supposed to be so smart a lot of her choices should support that and they don't.

Yer adapting robot that you built around a brainwashed alien symbiote not working properly? Turn it off, take out the computing bit, and fix the code. Don't force the thing, that is sentient, to explode itself until it has brain damage and leave the main part largely intact.

Yer lacky has too much compassion and stole the damaged alien symbiote to rescue it? Don't cause her to have a fucking car crash by sending a swarm of robo birds after her to get the thing back. Perhaps predict that yer lacky who you know has alterieior motives might try to steal shit and preemptively put a way into her flying car to take over it remotely, lock her ass in, and make her come back.

If she cares so much about her baby brother why doesn't Victoria put a tracking device inside his body that can tell her where and when he is in time if he frequently has time travel adventures with his time traveler boytoy?

Yes, Victoria doesn't trust aliens and is spying on the Horizon. Why the fuck are her drones and spying devices so obvious? It clearly makes the Horizon uncomfortable. It's not hard to make stealthier spying devices.

Also with Pinnacle yer telling me, that Victoria didn't fucking test it out to make sure that its response to threats was appropriate? She's a fucking scientist right? The fuck isn't she testing shit for? Ted tested his Bug extensively b4 he even thought of bringing it into the field, yer telling me Victoria is supposed to be smart but didn't do a single threat test for Pinnacle?

If Victoria is supposed to be fucking smart, make her fucking smart. SHow it. If she's supposed to have villain tendencies fucking commit, don't wiffle waffle or undermine it. Fucking commit.

[aviandtheseals]

The Rowntrees Ultimate Decades Challenge - Winter 1374

I'm not feeling as motivated to play and I'm starting college soon, so I'm going to try writing shorter posts from now on. This year will be a story in 4 parts (one each season).

At the start of 1374, news arrived in the village: the fighting in the war against France had come to an end! A few men who fought came back to the village, but news from Gilbert hadn't arrived yet. The family waited anxiously for Gilbert's return but were not sure when he'd arrive. For the time, Kymmie chose not to say anything to Sabina, to not get her hopes up.

Since Finnian's injury, the women were left to take care of the garden. Kymmie and Sabina did not have the strength or stamina to work outside for long hours, so a lot of the tasks fell to Edussa. However, having her work in the garden brought down the store, which Kymmie was often too busy to open.

Edussa loved running the store. She learned simple math from Kymmie when she first married into the family and enjoyed counting up the change and bartering with customers. While gardening, she tried to come up with ideas to make gardening more efficient, so she could return to running the store. Then one day, Edussa came up with a plan she thought was good enough to run by her mother-in-law.

Kymmie had noticed that Edussa did not enjoy gardening and tried to calm her daughter-in-law.

"I know gardening is boring, but perhaps it would help for you to concentrate on the food and money we will get once the crops are harvested," Kymmie advised. "And you taking care of the garden means Finnian is not stressing about it, and he will heal faster."

Edussa was not convinced. "Um, yeah," she said distractingly. "Speaking of the garden, um, I had an idea of how we can take care of it without me having to do it. But I'm really not sure it will work."

Kymmie wanted to chuckle at Edussa's nervousness. She went for a joke instead. "What is it, sell me off as hunting bait? Because I think I'm too old to fetch that good of a price."

Edussa smiled weakly. "So I was thinking, we can't afford to hire a gardener. But... what if we can?"

Kymmie looked on, confused.

"There's going to be a lot of men coming from the war, right?" Edussa spoke quickly. "So, there will be more people, but the same number of jobs. And probably some people who don't have any life to get back to will pass through our village. And all these people will need jobs but won't need to be paid much. If we hire a gardener now, we can pay him half the usual price and still find someone."

Immediately after she said her idea, Edussa wished she hadn't. Kymmie was usually kind to her, but what if she thought Edussa was lazy or ungrateful for not just dealing with the current God-given circumstances?

But Kymmie beamed at her instead.

"Edussa, sweetie, that's a wonderful idea! You are a very clever young lady to think about the situation like that. You are right. I remember my father telling me that after he came back from the war when he was young, many stragglers showed up on his farm looking for jobs. I will open the shop tomorrow and ask around for someone looking for a job."

Kymmie wondered how many ideas Edussa had kept quiet about because she feared a negative response.

"Sweetheart, you're a very smart woman," Kymmie told her daughter-in-law. "When you have ideas, even if they end up not working out, you should still tell me about them. It's important to be curious and constantly think about ways to improve your situation."

After talking to Kymmie, Edussa was ecstatic. Her entire life she thought her purpose was to be a good mother, and she was shocked when her first child didn't bring her the joy she expected. Now Edussa realized her purpose was to be a good mother, just not in the way she thought. She wanted to run the store successfully and come up with tricks to sell more stuff. And one day, by being a successful businesswoman, she would make enough money to guarantee her children didn't have to be serfs. Edussa was grateful that she married into a family where she wasn't just stuck as a farmer's wife.

[hertwood]

👀😈🧠👩‍🏭???

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

i have several fic ideas that have just petered out and i'm resigned to not finishing. it's not about not sharing them, it's about making peace with never finishing them. (i also have several fics i havent touched in months but im DETERMINED to get back to but that's a separate problem.)

one of those is, sadly, femdomverse 3 (and everything else i had planned). i have shared bits and pieces about it before, and it was going to be called "points present" bc she leaves a pair of her underwear as a ~treat~ for getting his first points ladkfjasldkfjaslkjf

i think my big problem with femdomverse was just down to teething problems. i wrote fdv1 on impulse in under 24hrs, i dont think i would've even finished fdv2 if i wasn't trapped in my appt with covid (thanks covid.) it sorta grew into a much larger idea than it started as and trying to figure out planning it out once i was already in the middle of it. i think it was a good lesson for really taking the time to think out longer projects fully before i post anything in the future.

but fdv still has such a place in my heart and its spirit lives on in my other girlfics!!!!

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

this is such an interesting question because i spend very little time thinking about this. i write what i wanna write and if yall like it thats just a bonus :P new ask game tell me things i do as a writer you find annoying??? lol i suppose one thing i do a lot is talk about fics and just not get them finished or posted in a reasonable amount of time. WHICH ANNOYS ME TOO TO BE FAIR. idk. let me know~

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

ooooooh gio for u. as a treat. i'll talk abt my sargewood fic idea. this doesn't really count as a wip yet bc i haven't written anything yet, BUT circling back to the first one, planning out longer forms fics is important for me in the writing process. i've only talked abt this with care in DMs so i guess this is its first proper public sharing.

so, it's an au where kyle never really got into racing, he and logan knew each other in carting but kyle's career petered out and he and logan fell of of touch. for logan, his career progresses as we know it irl, until he gets dropped at the end of the 2024 season and he ends up without any sort of drive, goes back to florida in a sort of career limbo. and runs into kyle again!!!!!

but!!!!! surprise!!!! kyle's a dad! (this was all thought up around this btw. i was like how do i make singledad!kyle as a concept into an actual story with substance.) kyle and a high school ex had a baby, kyle realized he was gay so they broke up, she's very very smart and got into law school or smth so she's off doing smart businesswoman shit and kyle is the primary parent who gets child support. (amicable coparenting!!! just to be clear!!!!)

so with all of logan's new free time he can spend all this time with kyle and his kid to the point where lines start to blur and he now has all this free time to unpack any feelings that might pop up. writing a chaptered fic would be so so daunting but i think it'd be a good challenge for me, i just rly need to sent aside time to rly work on outlining everything i want!

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

i'm not quite sure how to answer this question aldfjaslfjasldfja i'm big on. feeling morally neutral abt the fiction we all write. HOWEVER i do know that like, oscarmark is ~controversial~ and i do have this wip. that i havent touched in a while but i love the concept so much i still rly want to get back to at some point. the wip actually predates fdv and i originally was like 'oh i'll just anon post it i'm too embarassed' but now any embarassment abt the wierd shit i write is GONE lmao. i did talk abt it in the replies of this post and thats the most i've said about it before. it's really just a contrived silly little plot all just to set up oscar being fucked over the side of a boat. which is public sex technically which is also a crime. its v self indulgent its very For Me i hope i can take it out of wip purgatory someday :'(

[roppongi-division]

Zakari's Thoughts on Shinagawa Division

Ritsuko Okada

"Oh geez, another scientist? Is there some sort of phase going on that I didn't hear about? When did becoming a crazy and, quite possibly, murderous researcher become a thing? And to make matters worse, I think this woman may be crazier than the previous two we've spoken about. I mean, they all have their levels of 'crazy', but this woman..." Zakari shivers at her photo.

Miho Kobayashi

"I know her. She's one of the people running that huge medical company. I've seen her on T.V., magazine covers, newspaper articles. Even the company's website has her face and a few others on it. I'm sure being a businesswoman is cool and all, but I don't think it's for me. I'll stick to performing dangerous and life-threatening tricks on stage in my parents' nightclub, thanks."

Sumire Shinomiya

"I like Sumire! My parents are a bit apprehensive when it comes to her, but I think they're just blowing things out of proportion. I ran into her when I ventured into Shinagawa once, out of curiosity. I saw a bunch of people gathered in a circle behind a plaza. I went up to it and saw they were having a bunch of robots fight each other! I thought it was boring until I found out they were taking bets on who would win, which immediately got my attention!"

"I put all of the money I had on me on the robot being controlled by the purple-haired ponytail girl. And what do you know? She won! I would have wanted to see another match, but the police had to come at that exact moment. It sucked watching her get arrested, but thankfully she got out the next time I visited. A girl like her is way too smart to be behind bars."

"After I introduced myself, she gave me a list of where the next robot fights would take place. Because of incidents like before, they couldn't use the same place twice. I told her that no matter who her opponent is, I'll always bet on her!"

CodeX

"Wow... I think this might be the first team we've faced that I can say I'm a bit scared to face. ...But, it's a 'good' scare, though. Like, I know going up against may be dangerous, but... you know how the threat of losing or dying can bring something out in you that you didn't know you had? It's kinda like that with this team. Facing them is risky as hell, but... well, you know me. I've never backed down from a challenge, no matter how risky it is! After all, the greater the risk, the greater the reward!"

[karlie-what-you-want]

Lmao, people need to start getting serious and stop pretending that people immediately picking random famoua guys to pair Taylor off with after she announced she ditched Toe is something that would ever bother her, she is literally the woman who told a Vanity Fair interviewer in 2020 that in 2016 she and her dumb little female brain couldn't comprehend American politics until a big strong smart man with a superior man-brain came to the US from Britain and told her "Trump bad! Vote Democrat!" within like the first month he ever spent in America because for some dumb reason she thought it'd boost her chances of Miss Americana making the Oscar shortlist for Best Documentary

I love Taylor too but people really need to stop putting her on a pedestal and pretending that she doesn't quite often and quite purposely use misgogynistic tropes and shit to promote and sell whatever she's got going on at the time and that misogyny is actually something that bothers her 24/7 instead of something she likes to use to her advantage on occasions 💀

Anon, I think you are assuming that these truths cannot coincide, when I just don’t think that’s the case. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this, because I think some of the language is harmful, and I’m not honestly sure if you’re actually a Taylor fan or just a troll. But, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

First of all, many of us have been perplexed and frustrated by some of the things she says and does—especially in the case of crediting joe for her political activism. However, Taylor has never portrayed herself as having a “dumb little female brain,” and I find that assertion to be offensive, even though I don’t think you’re actually knocking her intelligence.

I am also of the opinion that joe was a stand-in for Karlie in many ways. So Taylor saying that he encouraged her to speak up and be braver about her political stances could have been her way of honoring Karlie (who has always been politically outspoken) for encouraging Taylor in a similar way.

Taylor does a lot of things that mystify me. I don’t always understand her motives, other than to succeed in the music business. I think that’s always come first for her, even to the detriment of her personal life and relationships. Things like this or Grammygate perhaps are not the best look for someone who has framed herself as a feminist activist, but I think that can coexist with the fact that Taylor would be bothered by people constantly trying to tie her to a man.

It takes me back to the Archer: “I cut off my nose just to spite my face/ then hate my reflection for years and years” She does a lot of things that are contrary to her own beliefs out of fear and the need to be liked by the public. (See also: “I’ve never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near”). She doesn’t like that she does these things, and she doesn’t like that (to her it seems) the only way to succeed is by tying herself to a man. I think it’s clear through her lyrics (too many to list) that she wishes it wasn’t so.

Plus, it’s one thing to do it herself (and hate it all the while), but it’s a completely different thing to have others do it for you and rub your face in it. That would really suck.

So while you might say it’s hypocritical for her to be offended by the notion of people trying to match her up with a bunch of famous men, it’s not unrealistic for her to feel that way. I have always worked very hard to keep from putting her on a pedestal, as you mentioned, and I think part of doing that is recognizing the duality of Taylor, her beliefs, and her lyrics.

She’s a businesswoman, yes, but still a woman. Still a person. We’re all hypocritical sometimes, we all do things that we hate, and we all want to be told we’re strong enough to succeed on our own.

[duckapus]

Thought of a few more characters for Smash Academy. Most of them wouldn't have particularly big roles, but they'd get focus sometimes.

Anton Skyway

Based on Fox

A teenage Cornerian Ant

Technically an exchange student from the Cornerian Defense Army Academy

Almost as good an Arwing pilot as Fox was at his age, which is especially impressive given he's roughly the size of a real-life rat

Yoko

A young pink Yoshi, so you can guess who he's based on

Bit of a hothead but other than that is a typical Yoshi

Actually likes peppers, and spicy food in general, unlike most of his species

Azalea

Based on Bayonetta

A brown-haired Umbra Witch-in-training who got her first demon contract a few years earlier than she was supposed to

Does the hair-as-clothes thing even casually, usually styling it as a typical witch's outfit (but with all the intricate fancy details you'd expect from someone meant to be Teenage Bootleg Bayonetta)

Has a bit of a lisp

Haven't figured out much for her patron

Since her canon counterpart is from an M-rated series she gets to say fuck

Norio and Rita

Olimar's actual kids he has in canon, now as full characters instead of just frequently mentioned bits of lore

two of only a few Smash Academy students actually closely related to their inspiration, and the only two that are preexisting canon characters

I admittedly don't have much on them, except that Rita and Azalea are apparently pretty close friends

Walanore

Based on Wario, of course, except that since she's meant to be Elanore's Wa she's pretty different from him

Just as smart as Elanore, but doesn't like getting her hands dirty unless she has to so she's an entrepreneur instead of a mechanic

That said she does have the same raw strength and cartoonishly high durability as Wario so she's not one to mess with

About as much of a high society businesswoman as a teenage treasure-obsessed mad scientist can be

Wears a lot of purple

Usually not interested in the villain kids' schemes, especially since they tend to forget that just because she's their version of Wario doesn't mean she can be bought as easily as him

Harold

Based on Waluigi in the same way that Barney's based on Luigi

Walanore's robotic personal assistant

Looks like a really tall, gold-plated version of Barney

Wasn't created when Smashville was. Instead Walanore put him together with her own two hands

Tracey

Based on the Wii Fit Trainer

Really into sports

Somehow became part of Lester's new villain crew (everybody except Ganon and Peggy split off from the old one when the initial school-stealing scheme got thwarted since Momo and Randal aren't actually evil and K. Boom and Vise have their own goals that don't involve Lester's posturing matches). Nobody's really sure why she's with them, least of all the villains themselves, but he is

Yes they have the creepy mannequin face

[isledolon]

if i can, i'll do my best || maria || trial 1.1

Maria stands in the “trial room” like she’s at God's worst board meeting. A distant smile and a clear silent cry of wow I do not want to be here. Staring at the meeting board, waiting for the CEO to let them go.

“Hiiro and Mugen are right,” she starts, short and to the point. That’s the even tone of a businesswoman if there ever was one. “It was magic, so, as we did not come up with the hiding spot for this magical bear trap, we may only be wasting precious time discussing the symptoms further. - whether it was a rat, a knife or a bear trap does little to change that he passed from an advanced infection. Edith was kind enough to give us a medical understanding, but as annoying as it is, it can truly be regarded as magic.  Which I am not certain any of us have a deep fundamental understanding of. Speaaaking of understanding…”

Her index finger taps to her jaw thoughtfully. And a smile quirks to her lips.

“You have all really beat around the bush enough in just saying the note was referencing some silly online joke. I’m sorry for being a bit too offline to understand it…. but when I spoke to Shiloh and mentioned something mainstream enough like Pikachu, he regarded me like that simply must be one of you, or a person. He was certainly far more removed than I from whatever it is referencing. And I sincerely do not know if he would know what it was referencing. The notes “smart” and “foolproof” make me wonder if our little tetanus rat was brainstorming… perhaps..? Berries seemed to be the settled upon conversational topic.”

Her hand waves down, rejoining her other to clasp near her waist.

Maria’s head tilts and her smile strains.

“Thank you Mugen, yes… the magical onset of the symptoms means Shiloh likely died where he was infected, with little time to spare or for intervention. So our culprit dragged themselves home and narrowed it down for us quite a bit. To the West Wing, yes?”

Her fingers wave westward in a little twirling circle.

“So it may be wise for us to try to narrow down from there, in what ways we can…if we can.”

Surely it would be more positive to –

“Which we will.”

She instantly corrects. Smiling in a faint embarrassment at her slip up.

[cryptix23]

Imagine, if you will, a reboot of The Lost Room, as a full series with all intended content and maybe a couple more seasons. That's what I've been doing with my weekend -- imagining that, I mean; and also fancasting it because why not.

Doing some character analysis as well so there will be some spoilers. Go watch Lost Room.

Note I'm not super familiar with current TV, the most current thing I've watched was Poker Face, so my pool is limited and I'm open to other suggestions.

Probably won't matter but I'm imagining this still set in the early 2000s, because I choose to and because working modern social media into the story sounds like a headache.

Without further ado, fancasting.

Joe Miller

Original Actor: Peter Krause

Our main man, Joe. Joe Miller is competent, not book-smart but picks up on things fast -- he's an audience stand-in for a smart audience. Yes, he's a cop, but he's fictional so we won't hold that against him. He's the loving single father of a bright eight-year-old girl, whose disappearance becomes his main driving force. Violence is rarely his first resort, and he gets as far as he does often by just talking to people and asking them for help.

Joe has to be curious, charismatic, a little charmingly naive, occasionally intimidating, and deliver the extreme emotions of a man who would absolutely rip the world apart if it would get him his daughter back.

Fancast: David Castañeda

(Listen I told you up front that my most current watch was Poker Face. You were warned.)

I promise I'm not just fancasting Castañeda because he plays one of my favorite tough-yet-pathetic sadboys, Diego Hargreeves.

I am fancasting him because he is incredibly good at having eyes, and I genuinely think he would crush it as every aspect of Joe: The smart detective, the naive newcomer to a strange world, the grieving but determined father, the subdued rage facing Weasel and Ruber.

He'd bring a different vibe, sure, but what's the point of a reboot if you don't do something a little different with it?

Wally Jabrowski

Original Actor: Peter Jacobson

Wally is described by the showrunner (...somewhere, I swear, I think it was a reddit AMA but I can't find it now) as being a sort of chaotic neutral trickster figure. He's a weird little imp who wanders the countryside, consigning people to Hell (New Mexico) for any perceived slight. Joe manages to get on his good side using the Key and some sheer determination, so Wally helps him out and ends up becoming his first ally in the world of Objects. How does Wally know so much? Who knows. He's there to dispense key lore to our hapless hero, not talk about himself.

Wally keeps on helping Joe right up until it starts to jeopardize his own safety and comfort, at which point he backs out, because he is ultimately out for number one -- but he sticks his neck out pretty far for Joe before he hits that point.

The actor for Wally needs to be able to sell that gremlin energy, the self-centeredness undercut by a genuine friendship with this guy who refused to stay gone.

Fancast: Natasha Lyonne

Wait no stop hear me out. Listen. Am I biased because, as already mentioned several times, I just finished watching Poker Face? Absolutely. BUT. Tell me to my face that Natasha Lyonne does not have the perfect chaotic neutral gremlin energy to play Wally. Imagine the diner scene with her. Run any of Wally's lines through her charmingly fried voice. She's perfect.

You wouldn't even have to change the name, just some pronouns. Yeah, her name is Wally. Is it short for something? Maybe. Doesn't matter. Enjoy Hell.

The only further casting choice that I'm confident in is--

Suzie Kang

Original Actor: Margaret Cho

Suzie Kang is an information broker. She can dig up information about Objects in a flash and will sell that information to whoever is buying -- although she doesn't come cheap. She never touches the Objects herself, though. She's smarter than that.

Kang is a self-assured businesswoman who knows what's what and has carved her place into it. She has no interest in morality and actively refuses to work with the Legion given that they keep removing Objects from circulation. She'll happily upcharge if you seem new, or desperate, or if she knows you're good for it.

Fancast: Stephanie Hsu

'Did you just cast everyone from the shit mountain episode' SHUT UP

Stephanie Hsu was amazing in EEAAO and, yes, Poker Face, and I think she'd pull off Suzie Kang's amoral self-confidence really well, not to mention Kang's teenage mall-goth sense of style. I can see her delivering the unironic "Those things'll kill you" line with the cigarette burning in her fingers, and that's important.

I'm not settled on any of my other casting choices, but I have ideas for a couple more.

Howard "The Weasel" Montague

Original Actor: Robert Bart

The Weasel is my favorite character in this show and he is such a specific kind of endearingly pathetic little bastard man that casting him is tricky.

Howard Montague is an ex philosophy professor turned small-time criminal and Object hunter, whose main goal is to find the Prime Object, for unknown purposes. He's the first villain we see and kind of sets the tone for the series with his cocksure attitude and unhesitating, physics-defying double homicide. Weasel isn't dumb, but thinks he's smarter than he is, and has a hard time letting go of ideas he's sure of -- contrasting with Joe's ability to think outside the box.

He's vicious in the way that a little dog is vicious, he will bite but he needs the confidence of a weapon like the Pen to pull off any kind of intimidation, otherwise he's kind of just adorable.

He's also just... made to be a henchman. He falls into working alongside Joe so easily when they hit Kreutzfeld's, this man should not be in a leadership position, he is made to be right-hand man. (I have... many headcanons about this, but I will stick with canon for this post.)

Finding someone to fit this specific concept has been difficult, but here's some of the candidates I've considered (and why they do and don't fit the bill).

Potential Fancast: Aidan Gallagher

Back to casting from TUA. Aidan Gallagher as Five proved that he can absolutely play a weird vicious little man who thinks he's the smartest person in the room and you kinda want to punch him for it. The reversed dynamic with his and Castañeda's characters would be entertaining. Unfortunately Gallagher is nowhere near old enough to be an ex professor, not to mention Joe throwing around someone that much younger would have a much worse vibe.

(Gallagher would be great as a longtime Object user, though. Consider him as Harold Stritzke, perhaps.)

Potential Fancast: Con O'Neill

Izzy Hands from OFMD is another favorite pathetic little bastard man and O'Neill could definitely pull it off. I'd buy him as a philosophy prof, too. The problem is... Con O'Neill is intimidating. I buy that he would murder someone, but he would not need the Pen to do it. (As my boyfriend agreed, "he'd just use a regular pen.")

Potential Fancast: Aldis Hodge

Hodge has the least 'weird little guy' energy here, but his role as Hardison in Leverage proves that he can pull that off. Philosophy professor, sure. Small-time criminal, sure. Smart, but not quite as smart as he thinks he is, sure. My hesitation here is that I don't think I've ever seen Hodge vicious. I struggle to see him committing a casual murder, and that's a pretty important part of the character.

Ah, well. I will think further on it.

Karl Kreutzfeld

Original Actor: Kevin Pollack

Karl Kreutzfeld is a wealthy man, an ex member of the Legion, who began collecting Objects and has amassed a pretty impressive collection. He still needs more, though, with the particular goal of the Eye -- which he needs to cure his beloved son Isaac's leukemia. It's obvious from pretty early on that he's not a good man, but his goals seem reasonable, and he and Joe strike up an alliance over their apparently shared goal of saving their children. What's a little burglary and attempted murder between friends?

Spoilers, but if you've gotten this far into a Lost Room post you know or don't care: Karl is the Big Bad. His son has been dead for some years, and he wants specific Objects not to heal him but to rewrite the universe to bring him back. And if that breaks the universe in the process -- so be it.

Karl serves as a sort of dark mirror to Joe. They're both fathers driven to extremes to protect their children. Joe at one point says that he would break the world to get his daughter back -- Karl has the money, resources, and ruthlessness to actually do it.

Karl can be played by someone who usually plays villains, because him being a bad guy is not a particular surprise. It's the depth to which he is willing to go that comes out of left field and leaves you (and Joe) reeling. Until that twist comes out, though, he has to be ruthless but also charming, a loving father, and someone Joe would reasonably trust despite all evidence otherwise. Someone Joe could physically push around is also ideal, given the kidnapping scene.

I had trouble with fancasting this one, but I really like my bf's suggestion.

Potential Fancast: Giancarlo Esposito

Now, I haven't seen Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul (look, I'll get to it) but I know Esposito by reputation (and by his role in Abigail, which was great). He might be a little too big for a weird genre show these days, but goddamn if he wouldn't kill it as Karl.

I don't have specific ideas for the rest of the cast, unfortunately.

Jennifer Bloom

Original Actor: Julianna Margulies

Jennifer Bloom is in product development for a cereal company, whatever that means, but we never see her at her day job (I somehow got the idea she was in real estate, not that it matters either way.) More importantly, she's a Legion member, one of the two that are ever named (counting Arjun, not counting Karl or Marco). She genuinely believes in the Legion's goals of removing the Objects from circulation, having seen firsthand how they drove her brother insane. Jennifer's goals are loftier than Joe's and she has a little bit of that 'ends justify the means' mentality, but not such that she's willing to hurt him over it, or even refuse him information when he needs it. She's not above a little subterfuge, though. There are hints that she has a temper, and that she's a little more vicious than she lets on (with a particular hatred for betrayal, real or perceived), but those traits don't show through often. She believes in the Legion's code against killing and is strongly affected when she's forced to kill in self-defense, but later when shit goes down with Karl she doesn't hesitate and even has a little quip to go with it.

It might just be me, having rewatched the series too many times, but a few watches in I got the vibe that she was supposed to be a red herring -- that we the audience (or possibly Joe) are meant to think she is slipping information to Karl. She's not, but there's a few scenes where you could get that idea. Hitting a little harder on that could introduce some good conflict and foreshadow the actual mole more.

Should this reboot be a continuing series, Jennifer would have a lot to reckon with in the aftermath of the last episode. Her high-and-mighty organization was sold out, most of them are dead, she's attempted murder, and her boyfriend Santa Claus'd himself into semi-godhood.

Who would play her? No idea. There's a lot of great actors out there who could play this part well. The most important elements, I think, are chemistry with Joe and the emotional depth to show how well she is -- or isn't -- handling her world getting turned upside-down.

Dr Martin Ruber

Original Actor: Dennis Christopher

(Sidenote, finding a picture of this guy was so hard, wtf)

Ah, him. This motherfucker. What a tool.

A forensic scientist, Ruber is initially friendly with our detectives, banters with Lou and Joe, and tries to protect Joe. In the meantime, however, his curiosity leads to him seeking out the Objects, and very quickly dives headlong into obsession before he's even directly interacted with one.

Initially unassuming, witty, kind of mousy, Ruber quickly becomes unhinged enough to kill Lou over the Key. Failing to take it, he sets another man on fire to join the Order, and then backstabs them when he has another chance at the Key. By the end of the series he's well on his way to becoming a full-on cult leader with delusions of prophet-hood, handily setting him up as the next Big Bad after Karl.

A fun role for whoever plays this guy, but no idea who that ought to be.

Anna Miller

Original Actor: Elle Fanning

Anna is a bright eight-year-old girl whose first instinct when presented with a magic door is to throw things in there and see what happens. She also has a beloved stuffed animal named Lester Boneyfish. The kid is a born scientist.

She gets kidnapped and then spends most of the series stuck in the Room, so mostly you need a child actor with good delivery and a decent scream. In a continuing series she might be called on to do more, but as is she could be played by anyone.

(I can NOT find good pictures of any of these other characters and Tubi doesn't allow screenshots, might edit something in later but for now you'll have to take my word for it. Or go watch Lost Room.)

Lou Destefano

Original Actor: Chris Bauer

Joe's partner, a good friend who's encouraging him through his custody issues and tries to keep him and Anna happy and occupied. The only person Joe reveals the Key to, and reacts to it well. A great guy all around. Shame he dies at the end of the first episode.

Since he's the first one to die, he should probably be a white guy. He could be played by a bigger-name actor, too, since he'll only be there for a small part. Otherwise, no ideas.

Lee Bridgewater

Original Actor: April Grace

Another Philly detective. Lee has daughters of her own and is friendly with Joe and Anna. When the two of them disappear, Lee points out how bad it looks for Joe, but Lou still suggests her as the first person they reveal the Key to. She's got a good head on her shoulders and doesn't freak out about things. After Lou's murder, she's the first to be skeptical about Ruber's story.

Joe tries to keep her out of all this, even when she arrests him, but that goes down the drain when Ruber hits her with the Cards. From that point on Lee suffers from contextless nightmares about the Motel. She goes after Ruber and fully would have shot him if he hadn't had the Glasses.

Lee is a tough character going through some serious shit without any of the support network Joe manages to pick up, and in a continuing series would probably go through a lot more -- seeing as that motherfucker Ruber is her only source of information on what the hell is going on. Like Jennifer, this character needs someone with a lot of emotional depth to convey just how much she's going through, and I'm not sure just who that is.

The Sood

Original Actor: Jason Antoon

Like Suzie Kang, The Sood is an information broker who works out of a bookshop in Vegas. He has a somewhat more sophisticated set-up, but he also caters to a more exclusive clientele.

I have no strong opinions on who should play him... as long as they can do the Eyes.