#she was so full of life so its crazy that she's dead now

[sp3llboundgirl]

Rest in peace Dana 🪽

[cdragons]

Fuck Everything, But Mostly Fuck You

Next Part

Summary: You have never, EVER, in a million years hated anyone the way you hated Felix fucking Catton.

Warnings- MDNI 18+, Felix is delulu, Reader is stressed and homesick and kinda crazy but she a baddie, Michael is Michael, Farleigh is Farleigh, Oliver will be Oliver (a creep), and author has spent too much time researching Oxford crap for this mess for a crack fic to be a crack fic

Author's Note: This fic is a follow-up to this post and I would like to thank grammarly for catching all my grammatical errors 🥲, @ethereal-athalia for enabling my crazy ideas 🥰, and @valeskafics for providing me Saltburn smut when I catch myself thirsting 😇

“FUCK!” you yelled at the top of your lungs just before your nose slammed down on the dewy grass.

Groaning in pain before the mortification of realizing what had just happened kicked in.

You didn’t know what was worse: the fact you had a full front view of the giant’s junk or that he body-slammed you onto the ground and caused you to land on top of the painting worth 30% of your final grade.

You wanted to scream your head off. The paint had finally dried, and you could finally leave the studio at two in the morning. It was close to finals, and pretty much anyone on campus who didn’t get accepted because of their daddy’s bank account was in their dorms. You had hoped that this fact would mean that the paths were empty and, therefore, safe to transport your 30” x 40” canvas.

“SORRY!”

You shot your head up to locate the person who just apologized. Lo’ and behold, it was the same plastered, pasty cunt with a bird’s nest disaster of a haircut drunken idiot who decided it was a good idea to go streaking across campus. His only other distinguishable features were that he was at least 6’3” and that he had a small steel piece pierced on his face.

After the “apology,” he and his friend continued running off to God’s knows where in the dead of night—leaving you behind on the lawn with a bleeding nose, bruised knees and palms, and an oil painting that was torn and caked in mud three days before its deadline.

There was no way to redo it. The project was assigned at the beginning of October. It took 5 hours to set up the models with the motifs and lights, 3 hours to take pictures, and 10 hours to underdraw the preliminary sketch. You didn’t even want to think about the sheer number of sleepless nights you spent in the studio mixing colors and layering. On top of that, you also had your other finals in other courses to study for.

You had practically been living in that studio for the past month. All of the custodians and security guards knew you by name. You got first dibs every day when they refilled the vending machines. It was a true godsend when you didn’t have time to visit the dining halls. Everyone had been so kind and sweet to you. It was a warm welcome compared to the snark and snobbery you experienced from most of your classmates.

Crying from the devastation of the loss of your situation, your shaking legs carried your body and what remained of your work into the building. You knew that your professor stayed in her office late for grading. You could only hope that she would sympathize with your pitiful appearance.

“Wait, so did you get the extension?”

Lifting your head from the sticky library table at Bodleian’s, you stared at your best only friend, Michael Gavey, with a blank stare. You didn’t react to his wince after he took in your haggard appearance. You didn’t need a mirror to know that you looked terrible.

Your eyes were puffy and bloodshot red with dark mulberry bags underneath them. You had paled since coming to dreary England, but now you looked straight-up sickly. And if that wasn’t enough, your eyes had less life than a dead fish rotting at a Sunday Market.

Your voice was so meek that you were sure he had to strain to hear you.

“Yeah…I got it.”

You knew you had no choice but to beg your Studio Arts professor for an extension. But it killed you doing it. Professor Daria Martin was your favorite teacher and the only faculty member who actually liked you. Her support toward you meant everything to you; the last thing you wanted to do was disappoint her, let alone be the reason why she lost her job.

Your usually so snarky four-eyed friend perked up at the news.

“So, is everything okay?” he asked with hope.

Your head fell on neon-yellow ink-stained pages that filled the paperweight your ethics professor called a textbook. A bitter laugh fell from as your lips lifted to a wry, dry grin.

“Oof, not that simple, is it?” he asked.

“Is it ever?”

“So what do you have to do now?”

“Well-,” you lifted your head to take a deep breath as you started to explain, “- I still have the photos and copies of the sketch. But because the canvas was so large, it was special-ordered. That means I need to wait until another one can be delivered, and since all the works need to be completed in the studio, I can’t leave the campus.”

As you finished your explanation, Michael nodded his head in understanding before he paused, and a look of devastation painted his features.

“Wait, so does that mean-”

“I won’t be able to fly back home for the holidays.”

Fuck, you were about to cry again. You had been so excited to see your old friends and family. You remembered how absolutely homesick you were at the beginning of the term. Because you were a scholarship student from America, your parents encouraged you to settle on campus by moving to your dorm earlier than everyone else. It was bad enough that you missed Thanksgiving, but you had really set your heart on coming home for Christmas and New Year’s. What made it worse was that your parents had told you all about the dinner they had planned for your homecoming. It was going to be a feast of all your favorites.

English food sucked balls.

Your only saving grace was the Crunchie bars Michael got for you when you studied together or when you had to rewrite edit his essays.

You really DID cry after first reading his essay for Introductory English class at the beginning of the year.

“Did you try to report it?”

“Report what? ‘Hey, there’s a wasted asshole running naked across campus, and he body-slammed me to the ground and tore my fucking massive campus that blocked my view of the jackass. He’s probably richer than the goddamn Queen, given how he’s wasted right before finals.’”

“Do you have any description of him?”

“He’s a giant with a small eyebrow piercing, and his fat ass looked like it had never seen the sun.”

Without lifting your head, you heard the scrape of Michael’s chair before he walked across the table to sit in the chair next to you.

“Hey,” he began, bringing you into a warm arm hug, “it’ll be okay. You called your parents about it, right?”

“Yeah -” you sighed before continuing, “- they told me they understood and would Skype me daily.”

“See! Everything’s going to be – wait, did you say that this guy was tall?”

Furrowing your brow in confusion, you looked at your friend at the change in his tone from light and supportive to sharp and interrogative.

“Yeah?”

“How tall?”

“Umm,” you had to think about that, “I’d say he was about 6’3” or above? He was really fucking tall.”

“And he had an eyebrow piercing?”

Ok, now you were really confused. “Yes? Michael, where are you going with this?”

“I think the guy who ran you over was Felix Catton.”

You shot your favorite idiot with a deadpan glare.

“Felix Catton? The same Felix Catton who just so happens to be the same Felix Catton you hate?”

Michael solemnly nodded. “It’s him. It has to be. The only person on campus as tall as him is his cousin, and he doesn’t have piercings.”

“And he’s black.”

“Yeah, that too.”

You were skeptical, and it showed. You didn’t want to callously dismiss your friend, but you knew more than anyone how much his hatred for Oxford’s Golden Boy could impair his judgment. You were by no means a fan of the guy, but accusing someone of anything they didn’t do just because your friend thought so went against your principles.

He grabbed your arm and dragged you to the bookshelf in front of the table where Felix and his groupies sat. Both of your books and bags were in your chairs, but you managed to keep your spiral notebook with you. It wasn’t hard to find them – they were the loudest table in the entire library. They also reeked of cigarettes and booze.

“See?” Michael hissed. “Giant, pale, and eyebrow piercing. It’s him!”

“Michael,” you softly groaned, “just because you hate Felix Catton doesn’t mean you can –”

An extremely shrill voice interrupted you.

“I can’t believe you and Farleigh actually ran around campus naked!”

A petite girl with full pink lips and dull red hair latched on the arm of the man of the hour. “It was so hot to watch!”

This girl has weird-ass tastes in guys.

“And then how you crashed into that dunce at Ruskin! Brilliant!”

Your blood ran cold while another one of Catton’s faceless droning puppets chimed in.

“God, what an idiot! It’s their own fault, anyway. Who the fuck walks in the middle of the walk path with a fucking big canvas in front of them?”

One of the lessons hammered into your skull young was never to move before you think. That lesson had saved you ten ways from Sunday. But this was not one of those times.

You’re pretty sure that you hear Michael calling out your name as you walk away from the shelf and towards the overcrowded table. Tunnel vision took over you as you made your way to the overgrown idiot who almost cost you your entire future.

Grabbing the back of his shirt collar, you dragged the 6’5” towering fool on his ass all the way outside. You finally let go when the two of you reached the back of the building that had no windows.

“Hey, what the fu –”

You didn’t let him finish as you brought your fist to hit him square in the face – and, fuck, did you relish the crunch that immediately followed your swing.

Fuck, was his head killing him.

Felix should have known better than to have gotten cross-faded last night, but Farleigh had practically goaded him to do it. It’s not like his cousin ever had to worry about his grades for any of his courses during finals – the little shit-starter had always been so fucking academically gifted.

He skipped pretty much all of his morning classes and barely made it to his afternoon schedule on time while completely zoning out the entire time.

If he bombs on all his finals, his dad was going to absolutely murder him. But chances were he and his mum were going to be too busy entertaining whichever new friend his mum brought in for shelter.

“You alright there, champ?”

Felix swiveled his head too quickly and immediately groaned in pain. The motion made his hangover even worse. Rubbing his eyes to try to soothe the pounding in his head, he slowly opened them to look at his cousin.

The slag didn’t have the decency to look even a little bit affected from last night’s event – the fucker. No, he was sitting there with all Cheshire grins and gleaming eyes while Felix was two seconds from heaving his guts out.

“Yeah, I’m alright, mate.” He replied in a tired groan.

“Must have been quite the night. Wonder if it had anything to do with that little cocktail you took from our sweet Annabel’s belly button?”

Disgust was clear on Felix’s face as he recalled the body shot he had taken from his ex-FWB’s navel. He truly must have been off his rocker last night – he thought he was over with body shots since graduating secondary, but apparently not.

If he somehow got an STD from doing it, V was going to kill him.

But even with all of his horrible actions that caused the raging war inside his skull, that wasn’t the main cause of his misery.

Farleigh’s grin dropped as judgment painted his features.

“Oh,” he moaned, “please tell me this isn’t about ‘your angel’ from last night.”

He didn’t just take the dare of streaking across the grounds just for the hell of it. He needed an excuse to pass through the art building – all for the chance of seeing you.

You. His angel of paints and books who lived in the empty studio rooms of Oxford University’s Ruskin School of Art and whose presence harangued him every hour of every day. Everywhere Felix went, he would unconsciously look for you.

It was his soul calling out for yours – he knew it.

Felix had never felt so drawn to another human being in his entire existence. He’d never seen you outside of the libraries, art building, and maybe the dining hall if he was lucky. You never went to any parties or even had a drink at the pub at King’s Arms. He didn’t even have classes with you, but he knew Farleigh did. Word was that you and his cousin had shared a few classes – what’s more was that you were likely the only person who could go head-to-head with him in academics.

And to make it worse, the prat refused to tell him anything about you – not even your fucking name.

“Believe me,” he told him after Felix had been begging his cousin for hours to share anything about you, “she is way above your league.”

Which really hurt his feelings, by the way – sure, you were probably way above in book smarts, but there wasn’t a girl that remained indifferent to his charms after a good talking fucking.

“I still can’t believe you won’t at least tell me her name,” Felix complained once more, “or even just give me her number!”

“She’s an American here on scholarship and a bore,” he quipped back, “what’s there to tell? And can you please shut up? I want to get some reading done before tonight. You do remember the in-class essay we have tomorrow, right?”

Bloody hell, he did not. Pushing down the bitter feeling in his chest, he and his cousin made their way to meet everyone at the back. As soon as he sat down, Annabel clung on to his arm. Thank fuck he had been wearing one of his thicker jumpers – otherwise, her claws that she called nails would have ripped open the fabric.

“Hey, Felix!” she made sure to offer a very generous sight of her cleavage, “are you ready for tonight?”

Felix chuckled lowly before responding. “Aren’t I always?”

And just like that – he completely zoned out the rest of the conversation.

Annabel was probably saying something to get him to notice her, and Farleigh was likely responding so he wouldn’t have to – but Felix couldn’t be bothered to pretend to care.

He was lost in the living daydream that was his angel that haunted the art studios of Ruskin School of Art.

He was desperate to learn everything about you.

If he asked you to talk about your favorite books, would your eyes sparkle in delight, or would your smile widen in glee?

If he grabbed your hand, would your palms feel marred by his rough skin, or would you press your callouses to his?

If he pressed his mouth on yours, would your lips feel as soft and plump as they look? Or was their luster forever damaged by your teeth biting them whenever you were in deep concentration?

If he breathed in your scent at the crook of your neck, would your skin smell like the paints forever on your brushes or the musky pages of heavy ancient books you always carried in your arms?

If he planted kisses from your throat to your breasts, would you mewl in pleasure or whimper in anticipation?

If he touched your cunt, would you arch your back in ecstasy? Or would your legs crumble, and you would have no choice but to sink into his arms?

Felix’s thoughts were rudely interrupted when Farleigh jammed his bony elbow into his ribcage and hurriedly whispered.

“Look alive, Golden Boy.”

Looking forward, it was better than any of his wet dreams combined. It was you.

Your hair was loose, and your fists were clenched. You reminded him of a ferocious lion goddess with how focused your gaze was on him.

But before Felix would prepare himself to make a good impression, you walked behind him and grabbed the back of his shirt collar before fucking dragging his ass out of his seat and outside.

Bloody hell, for someone so much shorter than him, you were fucking strong.

When you finally released your grip, he fell on the ground like an idiot before he tried to stand and steady himself as quickly as he could.

“Hey, what the fu –”

You didn’t let him finish as you brought your fist to hit him square in the face – and, fuck, you might have actually broken his nose.

After staggering back, you started using the spiral notebook in your other hand to land blow after painful blow on his body.

“YOU. STUPID. FUCKING. INGRATE –” Each word that left your mouth was emphasized with another hit from your notebook “– I. HATE. YOU. YOU. RUINED. MY. PAINTING. I. SPENT. SO. MUCH. TIME. ON. IT. AND. NOW. I. CAN’T. GO. HOME. FOR. BREAK. BECAUSE. OF. YOUR. STUPID. SELF!”

Felix was confident you had more to say, but you were pulled off him by your friend – he’s pretty sure it’s Mitchell – by the waist with you kicking and screaming out profanities to him as your friend called out your name to try to calm you down.

He wondered what it said about him if he told anyone how much you looked like an angry cat. His parents would send him to a shrink if he told them how adorable he found you right now.

If you were this wild while fighting, he could only imagine how riled up you would get in bed.

Fuck, you might have just unlocked a new kink in him.

Catching his breath as he watched your friend drag you away into the distance, he heard a slow clap to his left.

Farleigh was leaning on the corner – his smug expression making it clear that he had seen the whole thing – as he looked at his cousin with a bemused expression before walking toward him and giving a sympathetic pat on his back.

“Well,” he started to break the tension, “at least you know her name.”

“Yeah,” Felix agreed, “I know her name.”

And he knew that you smelled more like the paints on your brushes than the books you carried with subtle notes of gardenias.

Tagging: @aemondsbabe, @ethereal-athalia, @aphroditesmoon, @barbiedragon, @valeskafics, @lexyysworld, @punkiwiki, @saltburnedme, @arcielee

Let me know if you want to be tagged for future Saltburn fics!

[ride-thedragon]

Before I start this, I don't want any hate towards this person, I won't include their user name, or the platform I got it from and if you do know leave it be but I want to talk about my issues with what they said. I don't know them.

This is really weird and reductive. I'm not saying you can't be a fan of Rhaena potentially getting Nettles' storyline even if I'm not, but the way this is framed is horrible.

Nettles specifically is George using stereotypes of black girls and women and subverting them.

Nettles is 'dark' and 'ugly' because it's a Valyrian beauty standard that is being upheld. It could very well simply be her black features that are being called ugly. Look at who says it in the books and look and who maintains it. They are all white.

Now I'm not one to say we can't have ugly characters, but I am one to impose something in the written narrative, and in this case, that plays out into George subverting racial stereotypes with Nettles. So, while she could be ugly, I also think there is a large possibility that she isn't. She could just look unambiguously black.

I'm not one to defend a white man against racism allegations, but not all the black and brown women are sexually promiscuous. George does have an orientalism issue, but let's not deny that there are characters like Missandei, Sarella, and Nymeria in the narrative. Summer Islander characters are a bit harder, but there is a real-world reason for them to be sexual, its not just George on his snow bunny arc. Their culture views it as a type of worship.

There are 3 fics under the Nettles / Addam Velayron tag, and I've read one that isn't like that. I'm not saying it's not plausible, I'm just saying out of three fics it's not that big of a deal. As for bigger Nettles fics and ships. it's a stretch to say that half are written in her own pov, but typically, her stories have a romantic arc because that's what most fanfics do. Create romantic arcs. And as someone who's read the majority of her fics (I'm being dead ass), it's not mindless sex. It's a conclusion to her romantic narrative arc about 75% of the time. Call it bias but I can't remember the last time I read a Nettles fic where the writers let her be a whore. We've failed on that mark. We have a snow bunny issue, but outside of that, it's not that serious (free my girls from the shackles of white men)

Moving on to the weird respectability politics. "Smart, tough, elegant, and not becoming the street urchin /ghetto stereotype like Nettles."

The only thing that stereotype doesn't have in common with that phrase is elegant. That's literally the only difference. I'm not American, so I'm not going to impose myself on that view, but I will speak to holding anyone to respectability politics. Black girls especially don't have to act one way to be better than others. There isn't one way to be black. That goes hand in hand with being both respectable and assimilating and 'ghetto'. It's reductive to say that anyone should be and applying the 'better' one to Rhaena and baela and the 'worse' one to Nettles is foolish and ignorant. I will have a bigger post on this soon.

As I've said countless times before, Rhaena taking Nettles' story is racist because they aren't interchangeable. Rhaena isn't black, nor is she poor or disposable within the narrative. Daemon isn't going to be miraculously proud of her. Nettles deserves her narrative. No one can cry the way Nettles does after the Battle of the Gullet. Not even Baela and Addam or Alyn. No one can have their life seen as disposable by Rhaenyra like Nettles can and no one can start the burned men but Nettles.

For the show, it doesn't make sense to take Nettles out entirely. There are way too many gaps to full when you can just add her character.

Lastly and all of this to say, you don't have to defend liking something, making stuff up is weird and acting as though it's a better choice to combine a black character and a non black character is crazy. It can just be a choice you like.

On the other hand, I want all three final girls because I can have them, and there is no reason not to.

[babygirlhaljordan]

quotes that remind me of dungeon meshi characters (a thread—or tumblr equivalent)

senshi

“for every life i can’t save during my shift, one more drop of blood becomes a part of me.”

if you saw the episode regarding senshi’s backstory… you’ll understand why this quote fits. at a young age, he watched his entire party die from starvation. consequently, he studies cooking (with monsters) with a crazy intensity to starve off hunger. to never have more drops of blood join him again—especially with his suspicion that he ate his own party members. so in the case of senshi, others blood is genuinely (or believed to be) Apart Of Him

(tldr senshi’s survivors guilt goes CRAZY)

chilchuck

“his mouth may be full of acid, but gentleness oozes from his actions like chocolate syrup dripping down whipped cream.”

we all know that despite chilchuck’s professionalism (emotional distance) he isn’t as hardened off as he wants us to believe but i feel the episode that encapsulates that is when that one ogre confronts him like. “you’re worried your friends will die aren’t you” while he’s sobbing his eyes out. THAT sticks out to me.

if you ignore that episode, there’s still tons of moments from the season alone that showcases how much he cares. chilchuck trying to wake up marcille from her nightmares. deciding between following senshi or laois to protect them from other people’s wraths. facing the red dragon HEAD ON despite him Not Being A Fighter. he cares about people DAMMIT but he’s the last person to let others know, covering any harsh actions with his words—be it teasing marcille, snarking at laois, or more. yet his actions say more than what he could & that is enough

itzusumi

maybe this is what being a mortal is about. kindnesses that aren’t deserved

this resonates as itzusumi because of her inherent selfishness. even though she’s only appeared at the latter half, throughout the series, she’s been shown to prioritize herself above all. and that isn’t to say she isn’t deserving of kindness as one of her rights as a Basic Human Being but. people tend to follow the golden rule from my experience—ESPECIALLY when the other party has been rude (which itzusumi has been)

so to have laois’ party treat her with kindness (with chilchuck literally APOLOGIZING for his comments) is really heartwarming. most people would have given up or left her by now. yet his crew treats her with kindness even if she hasn’t been the best. that’s why i feel the kindness is undeserved

as for what a mortal is… that’s a question all the characters are finding out, but itzusumi (& falin) are finding out above all. as beastmen, they aren’t seen (or even seen THEMSELVES) as human. yet they are both being treated with kindness despite their actions. and i think that sticks out to me above all

marcille

“If it’s heaven’s will for us to part, I will rip heaven into pieces with my own two hands to be with you.”

falin’s transformation to a literal chimera is kickstarted all because marcille refused to let the dead rest. although the dungeon can easily allow for the revival of humans… bringing back people when they’re too far gone, when they’re already devoured.. it crosses the life between life and death, the natural order of existence. yet marcille crosses that line, of what’s considered natural or “fate” (aka what is determined by the higher order—heaven) of them parting and ripped it apart

she brought her best friend back to life.

because much like senshi, marcille is someone characterized by her losses & what she will continue to lose due to her being a long-lived species. she knows this and has been continued haunted by her past losses: her bird, her father, and i have no doubt there’s more. it’s why she studied forbidden magic: to no longer lose the people she loves. and she doesn’t care what boundaries or rules she breaks because she loves them That Much (sounds like another magic aligned user eh?)

falin

how do you separate a tiger’s beauty from its ferocity? or a cheetah’s elegance from the speed of its attack? achilles was like that—the beauty and the terror were two sides of a single coin

we all know this is referring to falin in her chimera form because while i do love her prechimera the series mainly focuses on her in that form than without. although she is dangerous, she is powerful. and in the same way, so much as she’s powerful, she’s dangerous. her existence is beautiful but it’s an example of hostility. of the potential of forbidden magic as well as the drawbacks. she’s truly two sides of the same coins

laois

“i think we sometimes make the mistake of thinking monsters are abhorrent aberrations, lurking in the darkest recesses, when the truth is far more distributing. the most monstrous of men are those who sit in plain sight, daring you to challenge them.”

this goes into manga spoilers so. if you’re not okay with that… skip this section

i wholeheartedly believe this quote fits laois due to his own negative experiences with humans. for YEARS the villagers of his home casted out falin (and him, to some degree? could be wrong) treating her poorly for who her ghost abilities. similarly, his parents struggled to stand up for them, leading lapis to have a strained relationship current day. and when he left to join the army, he struggled to fit in.

as a result, laois would dream of being a monster (and also developing a monster interest in general) for their power—especially when they could crush all the people that bullied them. his love for monsters represent laois disconnect to humans—especially with the way they treated the ones he loves. because despite the monsters being seen as the scary ones, he experiences more anxiety around humans than he ever does with beasts.

[yourlittlebunnyy]

a court of shadows and darkness

masterlist - previous chapter

chapter four

summary: Selaene, Rhysand's sister, Azriel's mate runs away after the High Lord of Spring tries to kill her.

warnings: none

enjoy 🌝

"I mean, how is it that I am only now learning of your origins in my court?" Selaene's laughter echoes in the emptiness that has now, century after century, become comforting. "My grandfather was part of the Night Court, but then he fell madly in love with my grandmother and decided to go with her to the Dawn Court. But you know the story."

After so many years together, Selaene and Vanessa can say that they have become more than friends, they have become sisters. The friend had seen the tiger a few times and had been amazed by her elegant and feline form: she had a white coat with black stripes that shone like the moon under the soft light of the passers-by, as they had called them. She had a sweet little face, and one could almost imagine her human form. From time to time, a passerby would come close enough to walk past her, but never close enough to catch her in time, and in recent years, the number of passersby had dwindled, making her doubt her plan.

"You know, Vane, I'm grateful you're here with me, I would have gone crazy without you."

"I was on the verge of madness when I found you. Maybe Mother wanted to give us a sister. You don't have one, do you?"

"No, only a brother, as you already know."

Another pause between the two as they continue to watch the darkness. A sad, bitter smile makes its way through the Fae's voice.

"We deserved a history like your grandparents'."

"But we got it. You have Azriel and I have Thomas."

"Vane..." Selaene did not have the heart to admit to herself that her beautiful mate, after her family thought her dead and after all these centuries, had probably forgotten her and moved on with his life. Not to mention telling Vanessa, who had so much faith in fate to envy.

"No, don't say that, Elle." She knew the tiger was haunted by such thoughts as well, and coming to terms with reality hurt too much. The conversation faded into a heavy silence, like at the beginning of their journey.

If Azriel had moved on, she would not have blamed him in any way, in fact, as much as it hurt, she would have let him go for his sake. Sometimes loving means knowing how to let go.

"Please, Selaene," it is rare for the friend to use her full name, and when she does, she is aware that she is beginning a serious and poignant speech, "remember. If you are lost in the darkness, seek the light."

"Or light it up." She cannot see her friend, but she knows she is smiling and nodding at the same time, as she is wont to do when she is pleased with something Selaene does.

This little play on words, which has become their phrase, has been with them for nearly four centuries, and every time they repeat it, that little spark of hope in their chests shines a little brighter.

A snort comes from the Fae's mouth. "What's wrong, Elle?"

"Nothing, it's just boring." Vanessa chuckles, "Come on, tell me about your family again, last time I think you missed a few adjectives about your brother's eyes."

The two women laugh, and Selaene is grateful that Vanessa enjoys listening to her so much.

"Rhysand's eyes tend to be more blue than mine. Mine are all purple. When he looks at the stars, he dreams. You know, Vane, I think he would be a big believer in if you get lost in the darkness, seek the light" Her friend's laughter echoes in the now familiar darkness, warming the atmosphere.

"Let me guess, he is also the biggest dreamer you know?"

"Of course. But only after me."

"After us. There is no one who dreams more than us."

Azriel sighs, the last breath as a free male of the evening.

Like every weekend, he and his family join in a dinner party at Feyre and Rhysand's house, and after Nyx's birth it is a rare event, which is why he could not say no.

He hasn't spoken to Feyre since what was said in his room, and he hopes she hasn't mentioned it to her mate, or tonight he will have to endure yet another lecture about how in life one must move on, that he also loved Selaene but that they must let her go.

Dinner doesn't go on so badly, it allows him to clear his mind a little and spend some light time, and Feyre doesn't seem to have said anything, doesn't even seem to remember what happened. She does not look at him with pity, and Azriel would like to hug her.

Later that evening the family is divided between those who play cards, those who drink and chat, and Azriel. Actually, he was part of the players, but after winning three out of four rounds, he was kicked out by a slightly tipsy and irritated Cassian. He wanted to retort that he only let Amren win the fourth round because he is slightly intimidated by her, but he opted to keep quiet. Now he stands on the terrace to get some fresh air. He gazes at the stars and the moon, smiling to himself as he remembers nights spent stargazing with his beloved. A sad smile. Azriel always thought Selaene was the reincarnation of the Moon, she shone with her own light, but not blinding like the sun, no, she was beautiful and deep and mysterious like that silver orb in the sky.

"Azriel?" the voice of Feyre distracted him from his thoughts.

"Yes?" Azriel sang victory too soon. He hoped Feyre had forgotten the whole thing, or simply decided to ignore it, but of course not. If it is not Rhysand, or Cassian, now Feyre is added to the list.

"I wanted to talk to you. About a few days ago...," the Fae's sea-colored eyes stare at his face for signs of despondency. Azriel continues to look at the moon. His Selaene.

"I... I haven't talked to Rhysand about it. I know Selaene's history, though, and I know-I mean, I see how your brothers look at you. Or how you're still loyal to her."

At the sound of his mate's name, Azriel grits his teeth. His body stiffens, but he forces himself to breathe. Once, twice, three times, before he looks at Feyre, meeting her eyes full of pity for him. But when he does, he finds none.

She looks at him understandingly, as if to say "I am here, talk to me."

He is surprised.

"Do you want to know my - our story, so then you will look at me as if I were a puppy left alone?"

Feyre smiles sadly, her gaze following that of the Illyrian warrior to the moon. There is a small pause before she responds.

"No, of course not, Az. Clearly I'm saddened, because from the way Rhysand described her, from the way you react just to hearing her name, she sounds like a really special person, and I would have liked to meet her myself. But I won't look at you with pity."

Azriel weighs his words carefully before speaking. Feyre for a moment thinks he might pull back, his posture stiff and his breaths short. But then the male sighs, muscles relaxing almost imperceptibly, and Feyre smiles at him before gently stroking his hand, as if to invite him to speak. As if he is saying "talk to me, I won't judge you," and only then does Azriel relent.

"She was a very special person. She was ... she was my moon."

The female senses the pain he is feeling from the squeaky voice, and knows it must be the first time he has spoken of this to anyone. She has never seen the ShadowSinger so...human, so fragile. And yet, her gaze remains fixed on his face, and her eyes do not make him pull back, but urge him to vent.

"She, we planned to accept the bond the week when she... On evenings like these I would sneak into her house and fly with her to Velaris, we would lie on the rocks and as we watched the stars, we would talk all night. She was...she was everything to me, Feyre. I've never loved anyone the way I loved her, and I don't think I can. Rhysand wants me to move on, to find someone to keep by my side. But I can't even think of another woman when my wound is still so fresh."

When Azriel finishes his speech, he feels a weight lift from his chest. Perhaps this is the first step, he thinks, to moving forward.

He looks at Feyre, searching her blue pools for something he cannot find. And he does not know what he finds there, but he is happy with what he sees. She smiles at him.

"You know, Az. Maybe sometimes loving someone is also knowing how to let go, maybe you've kept this weight on your chest too long, too afraid to show yourself vulnerable to your brothers. I'm glad you trusted me."

A comforting silence falls over them, and Azriel smiles. Feyre tries to speak again, but is interrupted by Cassian.

"Come on, you two! Who wants to play mime?"

And with that, the two return and take part in the games.

next chapter

[cryptidghostgirl]

Hello hi- back to my shenanigans again (the one with the fake dating + lobby portal + frozen half the pentagram surely not an OC ahahah anonymous asker) - anyway- heres some MORE angst.

Reader's past lover- died waaay before reader back in their teens because readers mother found out about their not so heterosexual relationship and decided to shoot them both but only killed one- reader escaping and killing her mom in return (let’s name her Charlotte- with mane wolf features- so wolf+fox+deer features a combination! ) and barely moved on after meeting Alastor like years later, yet still haunted by Charlottes dead eyes reader saw when she woke up from some sleepy poison. Now Charlotte is in heaven and reader in hell alongside their radio-lover lover!

Yet somehow- maybe though a very uncanonical accurate meeting where angels go down to see the new hotel after hearing sinners can get redeemed Charlotte (not to be confused with Charlie) is one of said angels and suddenly all those waves of emotions come rushing back and reader can do nothing but stare.

but oh wait! Angels/Winner dont remember their past life so reader goes to her- and shes just “Oh hello! Whats your name? :3” (shes an angel and loves the stars and plants and everything nice can do no wrong) “I-… I guess you dont know me in this lifetime” (AND DOESNT TELL HER THEYVE MET BEFORE because what good would that bring?)

But alastor is also there lurking in the back. watching them- he knew someone was in readers life before him but reader never said more than that. Will readers feelings for Charlotte come back? Will reader stay to the infatuation of murderous acts that Alastor bought them? Will reader choose the pure love that might not spring again?

The infamous blizzard demon overlord! that never dropped their mask around others that always seemed to have the upper hand in any situation, the cold- charismatic- brutal and ruthless overlord- suddenly speechless at the reappearance of someone they used to know. How will everyone react?! “Sweet as a pea, but sharp as a knife- now shocked like the stars have fallen”

GAAAH MY BRAIN IS TOO BIG ANF FULL OF ANGST!!!!! Heres some kisses too: maybe next fic its me x you pookie 😘😘🥰🥰😘😘😘😘

A/N What a wild way to close off a request, I honestly got so much respect for that. I don't do OCs but for the sign off comment, I'll make an exception. Also I am assuming you want this as a part two to Frostbite because she's still a blizzard demon?? Apologies in advance if I got that wrong. Also,, not you quoting something else I've written in your request. That's crazy, thank you so much for the love.

Day Lilies (Alastor x Blizzard demon!Reader x Angel!OC)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Part One: Frostbite (Alastor x Reader)

Warnings: Homophobia (from other people and internalized) and murder. Smoking/cigarettes and angst. Always angst. I think that is it, please correct me if I am wrong.

Word Count: 2,969

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

Alastor Master List

Click here and leave a comment if you want to be added to any taglists or send me an ask about it.

The best thing about the Hazbin Hotel, according to some, was the fact that not one but two overlords who had found a home there. The Radio Demon and the Frost. Feared, revered, respected, and making an appearance for the first time in seven long years.

Without Alastor and Y/n's help, Charlie would not have been able to achieve all she had and she was eternally grateful to the pair, even if they were a tad confrontational and violent at times. Deeply in love, indebted to one another in a billion and five different ways, Alastor and Y/n had worked hard for their life in the underworld. As the angel stepped gently out of the portal, following her superior, Y/n felt the pressure of that life as it began to crash down around her.

When Charlie had struck the deal with Heaven to have an angel come down to the hotel to track its progress and assess if any of its inhabitants were worthy of redemption, Y/n had thought nothing of it. Sure, it was a bit irritating but if anything, the deal seemed ripe for entertainment and thats really all she and Alastor were after at the end of the day. She had figured the angel would be some low ranking nobody. She had thought it would be amusing, that they would torture the poor creature, that things would stay roughly the same. Never in her wildest dreams had the notion ever crossed Y/n's mind that the angel might be Charlotte.

Of course, Y/n had known Charlotte must be in Heaven. The girl had always been so kind, so good to her very core. It had just all seemed so far away and now, somehow, there she was, peeking timidly out from behind the seraphim's back.

Charlotte looked different, having taken on some animalistic, wolfish features since her death. Sharp ears sprouted from the untamed mess of her hair, fangs peeked their way out from the corners of her lips but Y/n was sure. It was Charlotte. It was all in the eyes.

"Welcome, Sera." Charlie politely began, taking a step forward.

Normally, such a show of self restraint from the young demon princess would have caused curiosity to spark a fire in Y/n's chest. Now, she just stood beside Angel as Charlie had requested, eyes wide and mind reeling.

"Is this who we will be working with?"

Sera looked at the shy wolf of a girl behind her and nodded her head, gesturing for the girl to step forward.

"Yes." she replied, her voice cold and haughty, "This is Charlotte, she has been with us for a while and we trust her judgment on matters such as this."

"Oh how funny!" Charlie brightly exclaimed, "My full name is Charlotte too but, I go by Charlie. Do you have a nickname you'd prefer?"

"Just Charlotte is fine." the angel softly replied and Y/n's breath caught in her throat.

The girls voice was honeysuckle, it was sticky sweet teen love.

"Why her?" Husk asked and Charlie shot him a glare, "She just seems a little..."

Sera laughed lightly, a caring smile sneaking on to her face.

"She's a little shy, but she is smart. Even when she was alive, she had an ability to read people, to see right through to the essence of their beings."

Charlotte blushed slightly at the compliment, turning away.

The southern sun beat down over head, long grass whipping at their legs as Charlotte, running, dragged Y/n to the center of the field.

"Lottie!" Y/n exclaimed, half laughing, "Where on earth are you taking me?"

Charlotte glanced back at her companion, a mischievous smirk painting her lips that sent bolts of red hot fire through to Y/n's fingertips.

"You'll see."

After a few more paces, they came to a panting halt. Charlotte turned to Y/n, placing a hand gently over the other girl's eyes. With a guiding hand, she lead the blinded girl to a spot a little ways off where she had snuck off to earlier and set up a picnic. There was fresh fruit, Georgia peaches from her family's own orchard, and home made lemonade. Slowly, Charlotte gifted Y/n with sight.

Y/n's mouth fell slightly open as she surveyed the scene before her. Sixteen and in love, she turned to Charlotte, taking both the girl's hands in her own.

"When... how..."

"I know things have been rough at home lately. I wanted to do something to make you smile."

"How did you know? I never..." Y/n cleared her throat, "I never said anything... I nev-"

"You didn't have to. I know you, love. You never have to say a word."

Alastor watched his lover silently from the other side of the group. Charlie had insisted they flank the guests, dragging Y/n away from his side just as the portal had opened. She didn't show it, not obviously, but he knew something was wrong. From the second the portal had opened and the angels had stepped through, she had gone tense, her eyes fixed on the one called Charlotte, the tips of her frostbite blackened fingers tapped against one another in wild thought.

"Well," Sera sighed, looking around at the ragtag group of sinners and demons, "I had best be on my way. I will be back in a few days to pick Charlotte up, please be kind to her over the course of her stay."

With those parting words and a reassuring pat on the angel's shoulder, Sera stepped back through the portal which closed behind her.

"Well," Charlie began brightly, clapping her hands together, "let's do introductions! I am Charlie Morningstar and I run the Hazbin Hotel with my girlfriend, Vaggie."

Vaggie sent Charlotte a wave which she timidly returned. With a deep breath, Charlotte stepped towards the line of sinners before her.

"Alastor." Alastor hummed, grabbing Charlottes hand and shaking it harshly, "A pleasure to be meeting you my dear, quite the pleasure."

It struck Charlie as a bit odd he said and did nothing else but, she made no mention of it. In her mind, Alastor was simply on his best behavior as requested. In reality, he was far too focused on the way a slight flurry of snow had begun to settle on Y/n's sharp shoulders.

"Nice to meet you too." Charlotte replied, extracting her hand from his grip and moving down the line.

Y/n's heart pounded wildly against her chest as Charlotte grew closer. Her tail twitched behind her, flicking back and forth gently, and her breaths grew slightly heavy. Although he noticed the odd behavior, it was impossible not to from his place beside her, Angel said nothing. At long last, Charlotte came to a stop before her.

"Disgusting!" Y/n's mother's voice rang out through the yard, "You are both complete and utter disgraces!"

They hadn't meant to be found out. As far as Y/n's mother had known, Y/n and Charlotte were best friends. Charlotte had come over to help Y/n with her chores, they had been doing laundry out in the yard when Charlotte had playfully flicked water towards her beloved. One thing had lead to another and before long, they had been wrapped up in one another, planting a singular, soft kiss on each other's lips. Y/n felt Charlotte's hand tighten around her own, she took a step forward.

"Don't you dare speak to her that way!" Y/n yelled back, anger burning brightly in her eyes and adrenaline shaking her limbs with wild courage, "Don't you dare!"

Her mother scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She is a bad influence on you! The devil sent to curse me!"

Y/n's mother stepped forward, grabbing Y/n and wrenching her from Charlotte's grip. Charlotte tugged at Y/n's mother's dress as she dragged her girlfriend harshly into the small house.

"Let her go!" Charlotte cried, "Stop it! We weren't doing anything wrong!"

With a harsh slap to her face, Charlotte was sent to the ground. Her mother threw Y/n through the door, the unfinished wood of the floor sending splinters deep into Y/n's knees as she struggled to get to her feet. Her head had hit the corner of the table in her fall, the world was spinning. Y/n's mother grabbed the shot gun from where it lay beside the door. Just as Y/n managed to stumble to her feet, holding her swaying body up with a hand on the table she had hit, her mother stepped outside and slammed the door behind her, locking it.

Y/n rushed over, trying desperately to wrench it open to no avail. The anger had turned to panic as she heard her mother cock the gun.

"What are you doing!" she heard Charlotte yell and Y/n rushed to the window.

From her vantage point, Y/n watched her mother train the gun on Charlotte who had her hands raised and was stumbling backwards.

"Run!" she yelled, banging her fists on the glass, "Lottie, run!"

"Please." Charlotte was pleading, tears wetting her cheeks, "I promise I wont ever come here again, I wont ever come near her again. Please!"

"Lottie!" Y/n yelled again.

With no regard for her own safety, Y/n punched the glass of the window. The pane shattered around her hand, puncturing her soft skin. Blood, hot and wet, ran down her arm as she pulled her hand back to her side.

"Yeah, you sure as hell wont!" Y/n's mother yelled, her voice thick and low with rage, "You'll be dead!"

Y/n flung her leg over the window sill, shards of glass digging into her as she pulled herself through the hole she had created.

"Lottie!" she yelled again, "Run!"

Her screams were drowned out by the sound of a gunshot. Charlotte held her hands to her stomach, blood pouring from between her fingers. Their eyes met.

"Lottie!"

"And you are?" Charlotte asked expectently.

Y/n shook her head slightly, pulling herself from the depths of her memories. Everyone was staring at her, she had no idea how long the angel had been standing before her. She cleared her throat.

Alastor didn't know what was going on but, whatever it was, he knew he didn't like it. Using his shadows, he appeared behind Y/n and placed a protective hand on the top of her head between her horns. Her hair was damp from freshly fallen snow and Charlotte gasped slightly in surprise at his appearance.

"My dear," he grinned, leaning down to Y/n's ear, "you're snowing."

"I..."

Y/n looked up, her cheeks flushing pink and the heart on the tip of her tail puffing up as she realized what he said.

"O-oh." she stuttered, brushing his hand from her head and the snow from her shoulders as she regained control of her powers again, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

The other members of the hotel watched in a mixture of shock and confusion. They had always known Y/n to be cold, to be harsh. They had always seen her devotion to the man behind her as infallible. No one had any idea what was going on but, the presence of the angel stopped them all in their tracks.

"It's quite all right, what's your name?" Charlotte asked again, her voice honey sweet.

Y/n took a deep breath, morphing her features into the closest thing to a kind smile she could muster.

"Y/n." she firmly replied, "I'm Y/n."

Her eyes scanned Charlotte's face intently as their hands made contact. She waited for the shock of recognition, for the tears her Lottie had always been so prone to. There was nothing.

"That's a very pretty name." Charlotte replied, "It sounds like it is from the same era as mine."

That raised some small hope in Y/n's chest. She took a step forward, bringing herself closer to the angel.

"Which is?"

"Oh, I don't know." Charlotte replied, her cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment, "Angels don't get to remember their lives on earth unless they are pretty high in the ranks. I've been told I was from Georgia though, that I died in the early 1900s."

Y/n froze, her breath trapped in her chest, a knife buried deep within her heart.

"Oh." she mumbled out in a broken whisper, "I guess you... you don't know me in this lifetime."

"What was that?" Charlotte asked, leaning in a bit.

Y/n shook her head, letting go of Charlotte's hand.

"Nothing. I... I need some fresh air, I think. If you would all excuse me."

It didn't take Alastor long to find Y/n once Charlie had let him return to his duties in favor of showing Charlotte around the hotel. She stood out in back of the hotel, her back pressed firmly against the wall and a cigarette crushed between her fingers. Shakily, she took a drag.

"What was that about?" Alastor asked, leaning up against the wall beside her and folding his arms across his chest.

"What was what about." Y/n cooly replied.

"Y/n, don't play dumb."

"I knew her back when we were alive, thats all."

"Is that all?" Alastor asked after a moment, "You seemed..."

He trailed off. Alastor was angry. He had always been the jealous type, protective to a fault. He could see how shaken up Y/n was however and so, running a finger over the ring he wore, Alastor took a deep breath.

"That angel, Charlotte..." her name lingered poisonously on his tongue, "it seemed there was something a lot more than just you knowing her."

"I picked these for you." Y/n bashfully stated, shoving a bouquet tied with a rough bit of twine towards the pretty girl beside her, "Here."

Tentatively, Charlotte took the bouquet from Y/n's hand. She held it gently, watching the way the breeze played with the petals.

"Georgia asters?" Charlotte hummed thoughtfully, "And yarrow?"

"My momma didn't used to be poor. She grew up in a rich family, gave it up when she married my dad. Her momma taught her floriography." Y/n's words came out in a big rush, they chased after one another in a breathless flurry of nerves, "It was big in the victorian era for fancy people, all about talking through flowers. She taught me asters symbolized wisdom, faith, and valor and that yarrow was for healing and... and love... besides, I know you like them. You're always staring at them when were out."

Charlotte looked over at Y/n who's cheeks were bright red. She smiled, her eyes shining.

"I love you too." she said, nudging Y/n gently with her elbow.

"Yeah, but..." Y/n sighed, running a hand through her messy hair, "I... god, Lottie! I don't just love you like a sister. Its... I understand if you don't wanna talk to me anymore I just couldn't... I couldn't keep it in anymore."

Y/n looked away, tears pressing hotly at the backs of her eyes. Charlotte's eyes went wide.

"I understand... I won't be mad... I just... I'll leave."

Charlotte's hand shot out, grabbing Y/n's wrist as she pushed herself from the fence they were leaning against. Slowly, Y/n turned to face her. Charlotte was blushing now too and looked away, still holding Y/n tightly.

"I don't..." she took a deep breath, "I don't love you like a sister either."

"It's wrong... it's so wrong... what would my mother say... what would your mother say, I-"

Charlotte cut Y/n off, standing on her toes to press a soft kiss to the slightly taller girl's lips. It was clumsy and foreign. Y/n trembled, her eyes fluttered shut.

"I don't care." Charlotte said, "I don't care."

"Yeah." Y/n sighed, taking a final drag from her cigarette before stamping it out beneath her heel, "Yeah."

"Do I have anything to worry about?" Alastor asked and Y/n's eyes met his.

He had known her long enough, he could see the conflict.

"She was my first love, Al." Y/n admitted, "We were girls together."

"You're my wife."

"It's different."

"Do I have anything to worry about?" Alastor asked again and Y/n looked back out at the sky.

"She doesn't remember me."

"But you remember her."

"But I remember her." Y/n confirmed, her voice cracking, "I couldn't forget if I tried. She haunts me, Al. She has always haunted me, since long before I even met you. Lottie died in my arms, Al. My mother killed her, shot her right in the stomach. I...."

Y/n trailed off into silence. It was more about her life before she had met him than she had ever revealed before. Alastor took a deep breath, conflicting emotions battling behind his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?"

He was trying to keep his cool, to save face. He was failing, anger and a secret fear ate away at the edges of his words.

"Day lilies."

"Day lilies?" Alastor repeated and Y/n nodded, meeting his eyes once again.

"A floriography thing again?"

Alastor knew of Y/n's interest in the symbolic properties of plants. It was one of the only things she ever spoke about concerning her mother and her shadowed past before that night in Mimzy's bar.

"Yes."

"What do they mean?" Alastor sighed, resigning himself to his fate because god, if Alastor knew anything he knew his fate was Y/n. She held his heart in the palms of her hands.

"Love for lovers. Love for mothers..."

"And?"

His heart pounded against his chest.

"And loss of memory."

----

TAGS:

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[romanarose]

The Bikeriders as a metaphor for bisexuality

Now I ain't saying this was intentional because I'm pretty sure it's not but this is how I read the struggle between Johnny and Kathy for Benny just feels like Benny's internal struggle between homosexuality and heteosexuality, how neither of it fits him so he was always walking that line.

For the record Im speaking in terms of binary gender because this is just a simple movie theory. I am well aware of other genders but this is just how I see it.

Spoilers below

Kathy tried to get him to leave, he wouln't do it. It's like he wouldn't let go of that same/sex attraction, the queerness, the subversive side of him.

Johnny never tried to get him to leave Kathy for him, but his pull comes in the two times he tried to get Benny to take over the club. Benny refused, because that full commitment to the club, the lifestyle, would be rejecting the other side of him.

He didn't want to choose. he wanted to just be himself. I think his happiness came in accepting that.

Benny didnt give up riding because Kathy made him. He gave it up because Johnny was dead and that broke him. He was ready to settle down. Benny didn't choose "being straight", I think in his crying, his finally crying he and Kathy new what Johnny was to him and I think Benny accepted who he was. Then he was happy with Kathy, because he did love her. I think she was wrong that he didn't miss it. I think he did. But I think he misses it in a sense that we as people will always long for the past.

Another way I see it is that yes, he's happy. Yes he has a good life. But Maybe he was always going to end up with Kathy as the "settling down". Johnny didn't equal settling down. I think a lot of times, especially back then, homosexuality was viewed as a phase, like the trope of college girls going through a "gay phase" or concepts of homoerotic military men secluded from women. That its something you do for a while then you "grow out of it." But thats not how it really works. I stand by that Benny loves Kathy and is happy at the end.

He smiles, which is rare for his character. He's smiling when Kathy isn't looking, so he's not performing for anyone.

But I think when you look at it in the context of the time, she was the option if he wanted to settle down. That, as bisexual people, maybe you have some crazy times in college but then you find someone in a heterosexual relationship and settle and try to put that behind you. It doesn't mean he's not happy, as bisexual people in straightpassing relationships are happy. It just means, when the motercycle sounds echo for him, he still thinks about the past. the what if.

And thats just a human thing to do.

I saw The Bikeriders on Saturday and then twice, yes twice today (sunday). I was bawling at the end the last two times when the bisexual metaphore theory came to me. I read Benny as bi right away.

Johnny is said to have gotten his inspiration from Marlon Brando. Bando has talked about being bisexual. Another famous name and face of Brando's era was James Dean. Although Dean was more a car guy in the end, he was deffinetly into motercycles. Dean's sexuality is speculated but many close friends say he was bisexual.

I think it would be almost impossible not to have homoerotic subtext with this sort of thing if the movie was true to inspirations of the era. I don't know how you can watch it and think benny and Johnny dont want each other.

Personally, I don't think Johnny was bi, I think he was gay. I think because of how little emphasis on his wife there was, how she never quite seemed to get him, not in the way Benny got him, I think he was gay. I think he married and had kids because thats what you did.

Anyway all this to say I fucking love this movie. At first watch I wasn't a fan of Austin butlers performance but now I get it. Wow. I get it

I know its not anyone intention making the movie for it to be a metaphore for bisexuality but I can just see it see clearly.

This came out during pride month for a reason

[zabala0z]

Okay. So. Hi. I’m your host who is rethinking life??? Or just thinking a lot right now, my brain got so much information. I would’ve posted sooner but I needed a couple hours to get my bearings yall ⛹️‍♀️ anyways! The final 4 episodes of TMA s2!!!

I’m not gonna do my usual format but to start with: I knew Elias was a bastard. I knew it, I CALLED IT. I mean it was pretty obvious but I’m just happy I figured it out. Although I’m very destroyed over the fact Sasha is definitely dead. Like I heard Dekker in MAG 78 and even then I was still in denial until Leitner said “yeah no she’s dead”

In MAG 79, I’m mostly pissed at Michael. Like the moment it put Tim and Martin through its creepy ass doors, I was just like full wheezing out of shock. I wheezed a lot today. Michael does not seem to know shit about humans too since it was like “I…I think it’s called a sport”. Love Michael but also stop being so cryptic oh my god. Also Not Sasha was low key horrifying. Like props to Michael and Not!Sashas voice actors because man I have never felt my muscles seize up like I did when hearing them.

Not Sasha mentioned like being sent to the house of its enemy that had the biggest eyes you ever saw. I thought the enemy was the institute but later I found out…no. Oh yeah! Mag 80! What the hell!

Jurgen Leitner being like “yeah my assistants kinda were killed a lot” like okay go supporting boss. I did not predict it was LEITNER who was living in the tunnels. It’s nice he worked with Gertrude though.

Also, these entities. Again, I was vaguely aware of some since their name was thrown around but I didn’t really realize the extent. Jon mentioned Michael and Leitner refers to it as “The Distortion” and that’s its part of “The Spiral”. AND THATS WHERE FRACTALS COME FROM. God.

Also, when Leitner and Elias are talking, Leitner talks about “the Stranger” and Elias asks what they call it which is “The Unknowing”. The last episode, Not Sasha says that Jon will miss the Unknowing but he wouldn’t understand so I’m assuming the replacement things fall under The Stranger

One final thing I noticed was that he mentioned his assistants getting killed on that day of the attack and all the ways they got killed or I dunno attacked, corresponds with different themes from other statements

“Stabbed through the throat by something with too many teeth and weird limbs”- the replacement things (The Stranger)

“Pulled into a cavernous maw that opened beneath her”- I think this is related to The Butchers Window where Jared Hopworth would throw bones down that pit with teeth

“Gregory Todd ran into a door that shouldn’t have been there”- Michael. What are you doing 💀 (The Spiral)

“A great hand reached down through the roof” -I actually don’t know. Thought it was Freefall but misremembered it.

“Pulled into a great, pulsating pile of meat”- literally every episode with a meat theme. (EDIT 9/2/24: this is related to MAG 18 actually!)

“Doors with darkness and doors on fire”- so the cult I think is related to the darkness but with the fire, I know that Burned Out and that statement with Agnes could be related

So I’m guessing every way an assistant like got killed is one of those entities. I know The Vast is somehow related because Michael Crew mentioned that name before throwing himself out the window and then like changing. Guess he’s like a servant now or something?

Oh god that’s most of it. I’m wondering where Jon is now and I hope Tim and Martin don’t like fully believe he murdered a man. Also I swear to god, Elias, if I catch you. Like Leitner was not a super good guy but come on. I’m glad Not Sasha is gone but…my OG girl 😔😔😔

if you got this far in reading me descend down into my little obsession thank you 🫶🫶🫶 like all this is for fun but everyone I talked to in this fandom is so chill and doesn’t try to spoil which is nice. As someone who was in crazy fandoms, this is pretty calm for such a horrifying media. I’ll probably continue these posts for s3 but I’ll try to condense it I swear guys.

[crushedsweets]

What about some lulu headcannons since you seem to like her? :)

oh anon u are spoiling me.... heres a little sketch of her college life. let me begin . . tw for general creepypasta things, abuse, bullying, death, etc

ok. so a lot lulus og stuff is gross obviously (although a majority of the og creepypastas have gross origins/creators). as a kid, i was pretty attached to her, but looking back , its just. ugghhghgh. which is why i want to try giving her her own horror type story while still following some of the core things that made her her. BEGONE WITH MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL KILLERS...

lulu is 24 but described as 'physically 14' which bugs me esp bc theres so much emphasis on her body being like an adult. and frankly i am not crazy about yet another 'little kid bullied/abused then goes crazy/demonic' story so i scrapped the bullshit ‘is 24 but looks 14 but is drawn like she’s 24!’. So I decided to just to make make her whole zalgo poisoning occur later in life. since its now set in university, a handful of things changed. mayhaps she knows jack ?

she grew up as a rich girl being put through several private schools growing up. she wasnt the smartest, she wasnt the most social, and while i think that the og story did this really fucking poorly, she did deal with harassment cuz she developed early. ranged from people calling her a slut for the same clothes as a thinner girl, to getting dress coded for no good reason, to rumors, etc. so, she's being bullied by her peers, though its moreso a ton of gossip rather than stuff in her og. overall school sucked for her

finally she goes to university. shes away from all those people, away from her helicopter parents, away from dress codes and loneliness. she tries SO hard to keep up the perfect daughter persona in public bc she knows shes walking on thin ice(having been punished for things out of her control all her life), with a wardrobe full of pencil skirts and button ups, but then she finally meets this guy named josh. but that shit gets seriously exhausting. and as many kids in her position do, she wants to Rebel .. she starts going to parties and whatnot w her edgy ass roommate. random garage shows, raves, generally reckless behavior etc. its not her fully her thing but she's there and having fun.

idk his name in the og story but there was that guy that led her on just to further abuse her. i changed him up and made him some guy in a frat that she met at a rando party. he was so sweet to her the first time they met, they talked for a long time at the party, he was cool overall and she never ever craved attention like this before - she never even GOT attention like this before, coming from an all girls school, so she clung. but he wasnt actually gonna date her, so he said some bullshit excuse about 'you know how greek life is, my frat wont let me date u unless u join this specific sorority!! soz' and he chose the worst, most clique-y sorority that has the most insane hazing ritual for girls that arent sought after. he thought there was no way she'd give it a shot and he could get her off his back. a dick move, but he didnt think she'd do it.

but, she does - and the hazing is fucking shit. the girls in the sorority are worse than the girls in highschool (and maybe in cliché fashion, one of her highschool bullies ended up in the sorority before her?). it starts off as things like 'oh you gotta buy your sorority sisters coffee for a week' to 'oh you have to be drunk/high throughout all your classes for a week' to completely deranged shit like branding yourself or slashing a professors tires. things nobody in their right mind would do, typically.

i havent decided exactly how exactly lulu hits the point where they think she's dead, but a group of sorority girls think she is. they panic, and in their panic cannot feel her pulse or hear breathing. she's completely unconscious, cold, and frankly on the way to death - so they take her to slenders forest and get to work

they bury her in a shallow grave, unaware of all the different demons residing in the forest watching one of the most gruesome displays of humanity. if youve watched girl from nowhere, theres a scene where nano gets buried alive by a group of her classmates then she wakes up . . imagine that.

im thinking, similar to the operator, zalgo can infect people as well . . maybe people on their death beds ? anyway, lulu's infected. long after the girls run off, lulu manages to dig herself out of the grave. shes wheezing, coughing, sobbing, its dark and cold and foggy, and she now has to come face to face with zalgo making some weird 'i saved you, i want something in return.' and there goes her eyes !!! rip lulu. maybe zalgo did it cuz hes a dick, maybe he actually needs human parts to seal the deal.

theres some more interaction but overall lulu doesnt have a ton of demon powers or anything. new wounds heal quickly, but her past ones will never will. she can be eerily quiet, popping in and out with fog, doesn't need food/water/sleep. . she does have kinda crazy strength(no agility or speed), but she's so mentally weak it does nothing for her

for a while she does just wander the forest in complete and utter mourning, until one of the proxies finds her and is like Oh Fuck that's not human. toby describes her as a zombie. so she's another job for them to handle

eventually they settle her in the hospital with ann.. the hospital is likely an area that experiences more fog, being closer to the lake perhaps, so it just makes sense to put her in an area she can see. it took a while for lulu to calm down bc she now has a pretty big fear around women , and the proxies have to CONSTANTLY come around and check in for a while, cuz she feels safer with them. maybe they tried putting her with jack but jack said absolutely the fuck not. bc lulus legitmately scary. she's constantly croaking, crying, wheezing, dripping blood everywhere she goes, etc.

she eventually gets along with ann, who thinks lulus cute and fun to chat with. i made a joke about them doing tiktok dances together but like. i could see it. maybe ann reminds lulu of her roommate, the only girl whos been completely nice to her ? dunno. (despite the roomie being the reason lulu got into the partying and stuff)

mmmmmm yeah. that is basically the entire rewrite .

i likely wont include her too much in the story just because the rewrite is so drastic+shes not all too popular but i used to feel very fondly towards her when i was 10 and i do think her character cconcept is super cool (the fog, the eye stuff, zalgo poisoning etc). theres just hella weird stuff but its a creepypasta from 2013 idk what we expect

[aurora-starwars]

omg hi!! i really like ur ahsoka fics !! i was wondering if i could request an Ahsoka x f! Reader where maybe ahsoka is uncharacteristically shy around reader & everyone knows soka likes her except reader and one day some clones press her to confess so she confesses her feelings to reader even though she’s all shy and cute? thank you!! (and ofc reader feels the same!) have a nice day/night 💜

To Seek Something Is To Believe In Its Possibility

Pairing: Padawan!Ahsoka x Padawan!fem!reader

Summary: When Ahsoka’s crush on Reader becomes a problem, she is determined to fix it. That doesn’t mean the Clones won’t chime in with their advice…

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Mentions of clone wars, mentions of now dead clones (sorry!), reflection of Coruscant life styles, some wrong Jedi lore, brief mentions of attachments, shy!Ahsoka, fluff? Angst? <3

A/n: This one got away from me…. I completely made up some of the Jedi lore, please tell me if I was wrong at all, I tried to use real canon but it is hard to know everything, but I like learning! Also sorry for it being so long, I just had inspiration and started writing, I want to write more, but no promises! <33333333

Master-list

Time spent in the more deserted wings of the Jedi Temple were where Ahsoka found herself spending the most time as of late when she wasn’t on mission with her master. It was calm, peaceful. It was usually the healing wings that were more on the empty side, but with the Clone War in full effect, the demand for healing was at an all time high. That is why the Healing wing along with the Combat wing were busy with extra training and lessons.

But the Research wing, located near the also rather deserted Library, was much less filled with people. Before the Clone war, before the new threat of the Sith, the Research wing, the library and the Meditation wings were some of if not the most busy wings. But that was before all of the fighting. All of the death, all of the destruction. Now there was a call to fight and less of a call to learn.

Ahsoka found herself on a terrace in the Research wing, her hands clasped and her weight in her elbows as she leaned on the railings. The city around her was alive and awake, as it usually was. She could see the distinct traffic lanes and watched each class of speeder that would go by. Everything seemed so far away, even as close as she was. It was crazy, in retrospect, just how deep the levels of Coruscant go; especially when compared to where the Jedi Temple was standing. She could see the sun beginning to lower, and soon, set. How crazy it was that many just a few levels below couldn’t even see the view she was currently admiring. How unfortunate it was for the many that seemed stuck below the skyline of the enormous city.

Ahsoka sighed, as she found herself doing quite a bit when she made her little trips to this secluded part of the temple. Her head was spinning and it usually did well to watch the world go by around her. Her version of meditation, she figured: one that didn’t require sitting with her raging thoughts. But as she stared out into the distance, she found that she wasn’t distracting her thoughts as much as she wanted and instead she spiralling into thoughts of the world around her.

Ahsoka pinched the bridge of her nose between her eyes and tried to breathe through the headache that was slowly growing.

What brought on this bout of spiralling? Ahsoka wishes it was because of the stress of the war around her, she wishes it was because of the overwhelming death that was happening around her, wishes it was about something truly important. But no.

It was about [Name].

[Name] who was always around her as she was the padawan of Master Kenobi, [Name] who was commander of the 212th army, [Name] who was in the same Initiate clan that she was as younglings, [Name] who seemed to never leave her mind.

Now it wasn’t because she was horrible and annoying or anything. Ahsoka found it quite the opposite actually. [Name] was lovely, kind, witty, respectful, brilliant, smart; Ahsoka could go on forever.

No, the problem was because [Name] was so lovely and attractive that Ahsoka found it hard to function around her.

This should not have been the case. They had grown up together! But this didn’t seem to make any difference, because while they had grown up together, they were never particularly close, partly due to the nervous, childish crush Ahsoka had had on her. But now they fight, train, and learn together. Their master’s are friends and so must be friends. The problem comes that Ahsoka’s “childish” crush has grown into full blown down bad. Fallen-head-over-wedged-boot in love with [Name] [LastName].

Ahsoka groans in frustration at the thought. She has been so awkward and shy when she is around her. Nervously picking at her fingers, twirling her padawan beads around her fingers, watching her boots in order to avoid eye contact, the works. Ahsoka has been wholly unlike herself when in close proximity to [Name], and she so desperately wants to change that.

It was almost embarrassing how obvious her affliction about her affections were. Everyone seemed to have notice, every Clone in both the 501st and the 212th had seen it, both Master Skywalker and Master Obi-wan had seen it, Force, even Barriss Offee had seen it. Her master had taken it upon himself to tease her about it every chance he got, much to Ahsoka’s chagrin. Just the other day Master Skywalker started teasing her about her crush and Rex and the boys started to join in. Something about Master Skywalker’s way of teasing did not involve any discouragement of her growing attachments to [Name], which made Ahsoka very curious.

The reason she was left to her devices today was because the 212nd and the 501st had just gotten back from mission together and they were taking time to rest. The mission did not go as well as they would have wanted due to a misunderstanding between Ahsoka and [Name] that was mostly on part of Ahsoka’s shyness around the girl. This mission was in part a test of how Ahsoka and [Name] could work together and was going quite well until Ahsoka had to give her crush instructions and orders. That is where Ahsoka choked and was not able to relay the information correctly. This was the cause for a set back in the entire mission but apparently [Name] was able to figure it out because they were successful in the end.

It did lead to a rather awkward conversation later though, in which [Name] suggested it best that they spent some time together so that they could bond and be able to better understand each other on missions or in the heat of battle. Ahsoka had agreed, and now they had a plans for a full day of training and meditation together tomorrow, and Ahsoka could not stop thinking about it.

Spiralling was a better word for it.

Ahsoka took a deep breath, this wasn’t working, trying to distract herself here was not working. She tried to think, what would the next best place to go? What would either fix her problem, or distract herself from them?

The 501st.

She was not sure why her first thought wasn’t her mentor, who was supposed to be the one she went to for these things, maybe it was because she figured he wasn’t even at the Jedi Temple, but at the building where the Senators stay, like he seems to be so often.

She stood up straight from her place by the railing and stretched before making her way to the barracks where the clones stayed on Coruscant.

The walk was long but it felt short as it seemed Ahsoka blinked and she was at the door. With a few short but rhythmic knocks at the door, Ahsoka was greeted with Master Skywalker’s back as Rex pressed the button at the side of the door.

Huh, Ahsoka thought, he is not at the senatorial building.

“Well hello, Padawan,” Anakin started with sly smirk, like they had just been discussing her. “How nice of you to join us.”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but squint at him, his face revealing all too much of the previous conversation. “Master, what were you guys just talking about? What are you doing here?”

“I was just discussing with the boys our last mission, care to add anything?”

“What do you mean?” Ahsoka raised a brow, or at least the place a brow would’ve been had she been human.

“Well, my young padawan, I seem to remember a few mishaps that had taken place and I would love to hear your take on it,” His smile was so smug it was almost like he was taunting her, but Ahsoka knew better.

Ahsoka paused for a moment, sure of where this was going and determined to avoid it. “Could you be more specific?”

“I would be talking about your little miscommunication with your good friend [Name]. The boys had a few ideas as to what the reasoning was for this misunderstandings.”

Ahsoka pursed her lips in thought then she crossed her arms over her chest when Rex began to speak.

“I think it is because Commander Tano’s love for the young Jedi Commander [LastName].”

“Oh, do you think so Rex?” Anakin smirked, his arms similarly crossed over his chest, but in contrast Anakin was puffing out his chest in what seemed like pride. He was effectively teasing Ahsoka.

Fives chimed in, “Commander Tano has a crush~,” he teased.

“Oh, shut up,” Ahsoka muttered, hiding her face in her hands. “It was really stupid what happened.”

“And what did happen, Padawan?” Anakin asked, the teasing leaving his voice temporarily.

“Look, she just looked really pretty… Something about the light around her and then she was really close, asking questions. Then she’s in my comms asking for the password that I had memorized, but I was to busy looking at her to actually memorize it. Thankfully she had remembered enough and it was all just so very embarrassing,” Ahsoka finished, her face finding place in her hands again as she groaned in frustration and embarrassment.

The boys looked around at each other in slight amusement but mostly sympathetic looks.

“Look, Ahsoka,” Anakin knelt down next to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. “We all make mistakes, trust me, you have witnessed plenty of mine. But what is important is learning from them.”

Ahsoka nodded, her face coming out of her hand as she listened to what Anakin was saying.

“Now, if you are getting distracted by her ‘pretty’ face every single mission, then we are going to have a problem. But if you learn to live around her and with her, you might be able to do more missions where you can look at her face.” Anakin finishes, hoping that Ahsoka catches on to what he is saying.

Ahsoka nods and looks around to all of the faces she sees daily and is comforted by the support the people that surround her give. “Thank you, Master.”

“No problem, my Padawan. Now I must take my leave, but I want you to think on what I said. Maybe talk to her." With that, Anakin waved his hand over the door and walked out, the door making a soft hiss as it closed behind him.

“I think you should tell her you like her,” Jesse chimed in, shrugging.

“Yeah, I think you should let her know how you feel so that you can work together better.” Tup added.

Ahsoka nodded slowly, taking in their advice and their words.

“Don’t let the General know I told you this, but it is better to have less secrets and acknowledge the attachments you have in order to be more efficient dynamic in the battlefield.” Rex noted, looking down at the young Jedi girl with fondness.

Ahsoka smiled shyly, “I should confess my attachments to her?”

The 501st seemed to erupt in sounds of agreement to her words, putting as fond smile on Ahsoka’s face.

“Thank you, guys, really. I needed this,” Ahsoka said, looking around at her friends.

She had made her decision, she was going to confess her affection for [Name] tomorrow, and she will learn how to be better in the field with her.

At the wake of the next morning, Ahsoka was energized and ready to begin the day. She had it all planned out, having gone through it in her head a hundred time as she was falling asleep last night. She was going to train all day with [Name] and after meditating, that is when she was going to open up, effectively confessing.

As she walked to the mess hall, she was repeating her plan in her head, getting lost in the details. She was so lost in her own head that she completely missed that she was walking straight into someone. When she collided with this person’s back she completely lost her balance and took the girl down with her. And only when they were tangled on the floor did Ahsoka recognize who she had knocked over.

[Name].

Ahsoka’s back was on the floor paralleled to [Name] who was also on her back. [Name] started to get up, rubbing her back where she fell.

“Oh, [Name], I am so sorry-” Ahsoka began, before she was cut off by [Name].

“One must always look where they are going,” [Name] spoke in a mock-suave voice full of wisdom. She looked over at Ahsoka and immediately sat up. “Oh, Ahsoka! Just the person I was looking for!”

Ahsoka looked at her was distrust, as if she couldn’t imagine that [Name] sought her out, even if they had made plans the day before.

“I am?” Ahsoka said meekly, and immediately mentally kicked herself for it, that was so not her.

“Of course,” [Name] said simply, standing up and pulling Ahsoka up with her by her hand. “We have plans, remember?” she winked.

Ahsoka looked at her dumbfounded, eyes wide and jaw slack.

“Have you eaten yet?”

Ahsoka just shook her head, scared to trust her own voice.

“Well we must eat then! Let’s go,” [Name] smiled, motioning Ahsoka to follow.

Ahsoka would hate to describe it this way, but she did follow [Name] like a dog all the way to the mess hall.

They ate their food in relative silence, both of them seemingly very hungry and thus there was not much room for discussion.

After they put there trays away, they made their way down to the Combat wing. This was step one of Ahsoka’s plan.

When they arrived, everything seemed to be going well. They had made some simple small talk on the way there and Ahsoka was able to speak in full sentences albeit quiet and insecure. The room they had chosen was empty, save for the supplies within. There was senses covering helmets and the classic wooden batons that they were so used to using.

They assumed their positions and lowered their visors and began.

Their sparing seemed to go on for ages. Sometimes Ahsoka would win, sometimes [Name]. Every now and again they would switch the form they were using or the lightsaber style in order to truly test their skills. After a few hours of this, the two were tired and in much need of a break.

This was Ahsoka’s moment to shine. She brought to one of the quietest rooms in the whole of the Meditation wing and sat down, motioning [Name] to follow. She took a deep breath, trying to centre herself. Bringing her focus to her breathing and eventually the Force. She focused on how it surrounded her, she could feel the hope, the serenity, the peace.

She could also feel the presence in the room that she was trying so hard to ignore, it wasn’t easy to keep her thought away from her when she was so close by.

Her heart started to pick up in speed as she continued to focus on [Name]’s presence. [Name] was serene and calm, but something started to shift as Ahsoka’s anxiety rose.

“Ahsoka, is there something wrong?” [Name] spoke.

Ahsoka was mildly put off by this, thinking [Name] was in deep meditation. “Uh, no?” Ahsoka said warily, her eyes opening.

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“What?” Ahsoka couldn’t help but blurt in her confusion.

“Is there a reason you can’t talk to me?” the look in [Name]’s eye was of disappointment, or maybe it was hopefulness.

“What? Why would you say that?” Ahsoka was completely dumbstruck at the girls words, this was not in her plan.

“You never talk to me and when you do it seems like a struggle.”

“[Name], what? I truly have no reason not to talk to you,” Ahsoka said meekly, her voice small, which she mentally rolled her eyes for.

“Then why don’t you?”

Ahsoka wish she could have just blurted it out, but she got shy. Which she found equally as frustrating as anyone.

“Because… Because… I li- I like… I- Just because… Ugh!” She huffed in frustration, [Name]’s pretty eyes looking at her was not helping her at all. Her pretty hair framing her face and her soft pouting lips weren’t helping either.

“Because?”

In a bout of confidence, Ahsoka reached in the Force for all the comfort and strength she could find, and blurted it all out.

“I like you, [Name]. I really like you. And for some reason I have a hard time talking to you because of it. You are just so lovely, kind, and smart and most upsettingly, breathtakingly gorgeous.” Ahsoka practically announced, ending her declaration in a slump of her head, now watching her apparently very interesting boots. She picked at the skin around her nails as she waited for the reaction of the beautiful girl in front of her,

[Name] was silent for a moment, seemingly at a loss for words. She reached out to pull Ahsoka’s hands away from their active movement, stopping her from picking at her skin.

“Ahsoka… I had no idea,” [Name] said, her eyes wide and a shy smile on her face.

Ahsoka looked up at her, watching as [Name]’s face moved and shifted, she did not seem to be rejecting her. She seems… almost fond, elated.

“Ahsoka, I really like you too. You have always been an important part of my life, even when we were younglings together.”

Ahsoka eyes went wide, and her jaw slack. No way. She couldn’t believe this to be true. [Name] [LastName], the girl she has been in love with pretty much since she became a padawan, likes her back. But it was true, and her proof was sitting right in front of her.

Ahsoka looked down at her hands, which were held by [Name]’s soft hands, and smiled.

“I’m so happy to hear that,” Ahsoka grinned, looking back up into [Name]’s eyes.

“Will you stop being so shy around me now? It’s kind of hard to work together if you are struggling to talk to me all of the time,” [Name] teased, her eyes lighthearted and her words silky.

Ahsoka smirked, “I will try my best, but can you blame me for struggling to function when you are looking this good?” Ahsoka gestured to [Name]’s face and grinned when she saw a faint blush growing on [Name]’s face.

The increasing heat in [Name]’s cheeks gave Ahsoka ideas and before she could stop herself, she had cupped [Name]’s face in her hands. [Name] was quiet for a moment, pensive as she watched Ahsoka’s expressions. Ahsoka wasn’t sure was she was doing, and she wasn’t sure if she would regret it, but it felt right. In the Force, in her mind, and in her heart.

Her eyes started to flutter closed as she slowly leaned closer, closing the gap between the two padawan girls. [Name]’s hands came up to softly hold on to Ahsoka’s wrists, but she made no move stoping the Togrutan girl, instead she leaned in, closing the gap.

Their lips met in a soft and hesitant connection. Their kiss was a reflection of their past relationship, awkward, nervous, confused, and most importantly, full of wanting. The two moved closer, the space between them feeling overwhelming. [Name]’s hands moved to the back of Ahsoka’s neck, bringing them closer.

When they pulled apart, they were both breathless, gasping for air. They let go of each other, hands sliding down each other’s arms and find their place in the other’s hands. They leaned back, looking in the other girl’s eyes as they caught their breath. After a beat, they both started to giggle. The release of the tension was relief to both Ahsoka and [Name], resting their heads against the other.

“We are going to win this war together,” Ahsoka spoke.

“We are going to become Jedi Knights together, thats for sure,” [Name] noted, not optimistically agreeing with Ahsoka’s words.

“You don’t think we are going to win?”

“I know we will be together, like we have been since younglings, that is what I know,” [Name] sighed, she squeezed Ahsoka’s hand.

“I agree, we will be together. But like my master keeps telling me, we will win this war.”

“I am glad Master Skywalker is confident, Master Kenobi is less optimistic.”

“Well then, I am glad to have you by my side, no matter how it ends,” Ahsoka put simply, her thumb rubbing comforting circles around [Name]’s.

Ahsoka was not sure how she had gotten this far, how she had managed to make promises to the person she was so nervous to talk to for the longest time. How she managed to not only use full articulated sentences to the person she likes, but how she was able to effectively kiss the girl she likes and have her kiss back. Ahsoka mentally fist pumped, reflecting on all of the trouble this crush had previously caused her.

This was going to change everything.

This was a chance to spend more time with the girl, to learn everything about her. They would become unstoppable in the battlefield, so much so that their masters would have to pair them up for more missions because why wouldn’t you use this force of nature. The would pass their trials together and they would become knights together, and teach padawans together. They would live the lives they dreams of since they were younglings, and they would do it side-by-side.

The future was bright, nothing could go wrong.

"Anything that can go wrong will."

A/n: This got away from me... I lost the plot a little. Thank you so much for reading! If you want to request or be added to the taglist, let me know! I am only writing for Ahsoka for the moment, so bear that in mind. <333333

Masterlist

Taglist: @luvlykrispy

[xylon8]

Dead Taste Buds

[Dom!Fem!reader x Sub!himeko]

[Nsfw warning! this is based on the in game message she sent to the trailblazer abt her using their coffee beans]

[I was, in fact, moved to tears.] You don't know why, ever since Kafka gave you life and you joined the astral express crew; you were the only passenger that was fond of himeko’s coffee. Welt, Dan Heng, March, and Pom-Pom thought your tongue had some infection or maybe your tastebuds were dead after you said her coffee isn't all that bad, but you reassure them you were fine. Himeko heard your little compliment from afar and smiled, promising to herself that she will experiment more on her little coffee hobby just for you. She starts messaging you frequently, saying if you’re willing to try some newly brewed coffee she just made, you never said no. Especially when she said it in a manner that made it hard to not resist.. Those little hangouts slowly turned into little coffee dates, which turned into makeout sessions and sex inducing activities. The smell of coffee and lust was in the air, and so was in your mouth as you kissed himeko with a newly found passion, her tongue tasting like that new cup of brewed mud that you really liked while her lips tasted like her sweet chapstick. Was it cherry? Was it strawberry? It made you go crazy as you kissed himeko deeper, leaving her a panting mess when you broke the kiss, a string of saliva connecting the ends of your tongues. You kissed her neck, biting it while trailing down bruises and bitemarks. Reaching her breasts, placing a hickey right at the birthmark near the top of her left tit, moans flowing out like the aroma of coffee beans hitting your nose. Finding her nipple, you suckle and lick at it, taking more of her breast in your mouth and the other mound of flesh being twisted and pulled lightly as her whimpers increased. So eager to take in some of her milk to make her brew even more exquisite. Will you ever get that milk? Probably, probably not. her moans and whimpers are another delicious alternative anyway. Your hands ripped away her dress, to you it looked like a magnificent species of a Koi fish, how frilly and long the dress was… now its on the floor like a rug as you pinned her down on her own soft bed, fingertips at her stomach slowly making its way near her hips and finally, her clit. You place slow, tantalizing circles on her clit, making her whine as to why you can't go faster.. “We haven't even started, and yet you want more? My, my, Hime..~” you tease, as you slowly got faster “Ah…~ is it s-so bad that I need you?” she pants, her hips rolling to stimulate herself more, you hold her hips steady and rubbed her clit in a slow pace again, making her gasp and whine at the sudden decrease. “if you behaved nicely.. Maybe i would go faster..” it didn't take long for your fingers to be covered in her slick as you only made her cum from rubbing her clit. One finger made its way into her cunt, as you slowly added another, and another.. Making it three. himeko already feeling full as you pump them in her needy hole. Moans fill her room as you pumped them in deeper, the astral express crew probably hearing how much of a needy whore himeko really is for you. you deprive her from her release everytime her face scrunched up the slightest or if she moved her body to pleasure herself while you fucked the living out of her, making her beg and whine from overstimulation as she's so desperate to cum.. “P-please.. y/n…~ c-can i cum..? mmh- please, love.. hnngh..~” “Hmm.. since you behaved so nicely.. let go for me..” Your words were like candy to her ears. she let out a loud moan as she came hard, your fingertip pressing her clit, covering your fingers in her overflowing juices, panting like a dog and her legs trembling and seemingly giving out. you pull out your digits, himeko letting out a small whine from the emptiness. You clean your fingers, tasting her sweet cum as if its coffee creamer and kissing her forehead tenderly, making himeko wrap her arms around your waist and nuzzle her face near the crook of your neck.. “i am one lucky young lady am I?” you chuckle "don't worry my love, we aren't stopping tonight.."

[bluginkgo]

The ending of season 1 is a pretty common topic right now. Of course, many theories have been said so here I am adding my own jumbled mess of thoughts and probably repeating what other, smarter, people have already said.

Spoilers, duh

The main question I actually kinda wanna take a dive into is why destroy earth?

A parasite on a usual timeline, tries to take over its host and use the host to produce more parasites to infect others. Ok, that's fine. But if absolute solver is like a parasite- which is what it seems to be almost like- why destroy earth? Yes, we saw what it did to the Elliot mansion. That must have been only just the beginning and a small taste of what it's capable.

So by the parasitic definition, it should try to find more hosts and more zombie drones to expand its reign. But does that really require to make earth into what N saw?

The first time I saw this theory it was pitched by LoreDrone on youtube- they do amazing theories and explanations. Go take a look, they explain it much better than I can. But basically they said that perhaps the true form of the absolute solver isn't this:

Or this:

And definetly not this:

But instead is a black hole AKA this:

That once the parasitic like nature finally takes complete control of the planet, it will do this and create a black hole.

The insane amount of times absolute solver has referred (or others have) to black holes is crazy. The most direct being: "The Solver of the Absolute Fabric. The void. The exponential end."

Sound familiar? Yeah, sounds like a black hole. It would actually explain some random things that we see throughout the show.

Like the two black holes that slowly float away after Uzi and N defeat eldrich J.

And not to mention all of the black holes that are seen in drawings both from Nori and others in eps 4 and 6.

There is an issue here though. The small creatures that we see for eldrich J, the corrupted core plus the small head that was projecting Khan's dead body only have a small impact and therefore produce little black holes. Uzi was able to create- although accidently- black holes throughout Dead End. All of which could not take full form as the first time, she passes out and thus the black hole form disintegrates. And the second time was when N chopped off her arm.

This all means that the absolute solver needs more solver drones like Cyn to create a large enough black hole to take its final form.

Here's the kicker though.

Why send disassembly drones to the planet then? We get a direct quote from Liam himself saying that spoilers! The humans didn't make the disassembly drones- which pretty much leaves Cyn to be the one that made them, and that's pretty true seeing as she was already making prototypes in the library basement in ep 5.

Copper 9 and many other planets (when Tessa explained) were studying absolute solver and trying to use its powers. "But all they did was spread it." Sounds like a perfect plan for the absolute solver, right? Spread the parasites and its hive mind/cloud based nature to overtake galaxies! So then... why send disassembly drones to Copper 9? The main hub where two very powerful solver drones, by the looks of it, that have huge potential! Nori and Yeva.

And both killed by disassembly drones. Sounds counterproductive, doesn't it?

"J, relay hand. Cyn's orders."

"Step 1: Clear drop zone of life and construct spires. Step 2..."

"Enter labs with this symbol."

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. Idk if it's a commonly accepted theory or take, but I'm on this boat and I will proudly burn down with it.

Cyn is on our side.

Tessa (although she's very sketch) and J are trying to figure out why Cyn sent disassembly drones to other exo-planets. It is also Cyn's administration that's blocking absolute solver from completely corrupting our trio. It was also Cyn that ordered the eradication of all worker drones. We see that many of these worker drones are... by all technicality and for the most part aside from some odd balls- are correctly disposed of. Their bodies are ripped apart, devoured of their oil and cannot reboot as a zombie drone.

If Cyn was completely corrupted by absolute solver, she'd send the disassembly drones to perhaps kill the worker drones to increase the rate of zombie drones to wake up with the absolute solver string in them- just like seen with Cyn. But no. The entire spire is constructed of corpses in pieces.

Now as for my take on the ending (and let me tell you, I bet you I'm 100% wrong and this will probably not happen) I think our trio will beat whatever the f*ck is in Cabin Fever labs and team up with Cyn to then go to other planets and save them from absolute solver. A rather optimistic uptake, I know. But I'm also for a lot of the more bittersweet and not so happy ending theories that are out there.

I saw it from @villainsrule2018 for the first time. That this image may be Copper 9 by the end of the season. I absolutely love the idea that we might lose Copper 9 but perhaps save other planets. But I have another take on this. This is earth. We've lost earth already, and off to the side we have Copper 9's moons, implying Copper 9 is its next target.

As per usual, there's plenty of holes and inconsistencies in my theories and ramblings. Feel free to expand or go against this, I love hearing other theories on how season 1 will end. ^_^

[draculovemp3]

@revenge-of-the-assbutt @firstaidspray @sachermorte thank u for enabling me NEWAY since I’ve been too dead to do any of my own hobbies here’s some thoughts on House & Co’s physical hobbies/lil crafts & such they do in the comfort of their home<3:

House: canonically does a ton of shit like piano/guitar/cooking/so on but In the spirit of him resisting change (At Times!) I think he’s gotten very good if not makes a fun time out of mending clothes🥺…. Didn’t wanna throw away his favorite shirts so it started w small hems+resizings until he looked up more tips online and get decorative w it. Pretty contrasting colors/patterns now randomly laid on his shirts and pants w only the careful eye(Cuddy+Wilson) to notice. If anyone cares

Wilson: gardening. Well as much one can do within his apartments/pretty nonplant friendly homes. He’s not a super greenthumb expert but it always gives him a lil confidence boost when he’s able to grow out spices and herbs & such to use in his cooking ♥️

Cuddy: she seems like a collage-making kind of girlie💗💗 no specific theme in em or anything but she still holds onto the potential self-aid of making vision boards and it’s relaxing for her to go thru magazines/etc + cut out whatever interests her enough to use. Rachel tries and cutely fails to help 💓💓💓

Chase: ironically enough for the prodigal son lol but . He genuinely seems like someone who enjoys spending time in silence/music doing puzzles w 1000+ pieces & such #DWEEB❤️. House once got him a 5000 piece puzzle of a kangaroo or w/e as a joke and he is Determined to complete it. In due time chase…

Foreman: the thought of Foreman crocheting is so dear to me….. he doesn’t rly tell anyone ab it but there’s a lot of half-finished + worn projects as proof around his home. #angsting it sorry but I think he took it up after his mom started deteriorating bc she crocheted too and it was a fonder reminder + sumn they could do together. One yr he gave the fellow ducklings scarves he made as Xmas gift. Not that he told him he made it tho😅#repressed

Cameron: I think she has a moderately sized zen garden on a table somewhere in her home she takes SERIOUS. Changes the lines/circles in the sand periodically, sees what new arrangement of rocks she can do etc etc. Girl that thing is meant to be relaxing!! also colorcodes/sticker-covers/etc her planner like a CHAMP.

Amber: she has the most well-detailed prettiest most concerning-when-read journal/diary everrrr. Dedicates a specific time in every day to it w specific pens of various colors. Some of the recounting even have lil doodles or if she takes the journal out w her she draws her view wherever she is<3 they’re literal chickenscratch but its still fun and fulfilling. It’s a bibleesque piece to Wilson’s Amber shrine btw

Thirteen: she’s hard to analyze for me soz 13heads I do love her #trust… nonetheless I bet she goes to hella dance classes. Partially for the exercise partially for the fun partially for the need to experience Life partially for the women. Heh. She’s rly into zumba, jazz, contemporary classes to be specific.

Taub: ok ok so remember when he did/bought pottery or w/e to convince his wife he was being faithful. I think he’d do it for real as a joke/alibi then be like wait…. This is kinda fun…? There’s no constraints to what he can make + the sculpting reminds him vaguely of plastic surgery work so he keeps it up.

Kutner: I think he draws + writes his own lil comics/zines 🫶 they’re mostly scifi or superhero and more than a lil inspired by his fave preexisting medias . He likes using the crazy cases he’s experienced w House as story inspo. Also he 4 sure runs dnd campaigns so well and fun. Btw

Masters: she’s a suckerrrr for trivia nights my lil nerd wife<3 but um anyway when she wants to relax she Really doesn’t want sumn that can become info overload so in free time she’ll make friendship bracelets, lil shapes/figures out of string, etc. Will someone please give this woman a full on loom to go cray with!!!!

Park: I can see it so clearly . I can see her lil handpainted warhammer and other tabletop game figures so perfectly in my head. She paints more than she actually plays(but she does !). God save you if you touch or tumble them.

Adams: I kinda DGAF about her sorry women… hmm there’s sumn compelling ab her doing blackout poetry plus occasionally full-on written when the inspo hits! started as a boredom thing in her job in the prison w whatever book she brought in then she kept on doing it w more and more written pieces she comes across.

I put so much time into this. Perhaps too much.😭feel free to gimme y’all’s thoughts on this/ur own ideas :3

[absolutely-esme]

My halfas and clones headcanon

I see a lot of stories use the idea that Dani continues to be a fundamentally unstable clone who continues needing treatment for the rest of her life or even ends up melting even with treatment.  This surprised me because it went against some assumptions that I had forgotten were my idea in the first place.  I figured I would share them, in case anyone was interested.

My headcanon about how halfas (or Dannny at least) work is that the state of being is, first and foremost,  a survival adaptation.  

I imagine that the portal works by overlapping the space inside it with a corresponding space in the ghost zone.  Basically,  both spaces exist in the same space for a brief time as the portal is opening.   This would have been all fine and dandy had those spaces only contained air and inert ectoplasm, but that's not what happened.

Danny's body was put under a kind of stress that would not usually be survivable by having a hole in reality torn through the space he was occupying.  Due to the portal opening into the afterlife,  his ghost started forming right where his not-quite-dead-yet human body was.  Now his dying human body and his still-forming ghost are both in the untenable position of existing in half of the overlapped space they are occupying.  In a last-ditch attempt at survival,  the two fuse into one body which is able to fully exist in the space it occupies,  which allows the portal to finish opening as Danny is no longer in the way.  This all happens in the space of a second.  

In the following weeks,  Danny experiences a lot of craziness as the two halves of his biology integrate into a functional system.  Danny's ghost half acts as a kind of glue and maintenance system that keeps his body together and functional come hell or high water, and his human half provides a stable framework for his ghost half that allows it to keep its structure without expending energy on actively holding it.   

This being the case, Danny's ghostly half doesn't have to put as much into maintaining its physical form because it has his human half's sturdy structure made up of proteins and Calcium and whatnot.  That's why Danny changes back when he's exhausted or kOed.  If there’s one thing physical matter is good at, it's continuing on as-is without being acted on by outside forces.

Vlad did not take this into account while trying to make clones entirely from ectoplasm, which he could get for free from the ghost Zone, without any of the componentsfrom which a human body is made.  The clones didn't have that secondary structure,  so when their bodies tried to lean on it, they failed and lost structural integrity.   

Dani was a little heartier because the first thing she did was ask Danny for food and dig in when he gave her a whole lot.  This resulted in Dani's body having a collection of proteins, vitamins, minerals, etc to put to use.  Not enough to form a complete body without her ghostly side working overtime, but enough to take some of the strain off it.  

The reason Dani remained unstable after escaping Vlad the first time was because she was facing food insecurity as a homeless child.  What the Fenton Ecto-Dejecto did was one of two things.  Either it beefed up her ghostly side to let her function in a manner more similar to a full ghost, or it energized her and bought her time feed herself up.

To put it simply,  Danny's clones were unstable because Vlad didn't feed them.  They didn't need a mid-morf DNA sample, they needed the Emergency Ham.

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 4 - Tov’s Log

Min (36) vs. Himei (63) -> Himei Win

————————————————————

Cassio said Tov couldn’t go with them to Round 4. But they didn’t say she couldn’t watch the round at home.

Semantics, yes. But she couldn’t stand the thought of waiting around all night, only to find out through second hand information that her friend lost.

But Himei didn’t lose.

She won by a landslide, almost double Min’s score.

Then why did Himei’s portrait go dark?

Why did Min’s name flash across the hologram scoreboard displaying the winner?

Why did Min have to step in front of Himei to get shot like she was supposed to?

Andromedas, what the fuck just happened?

Tov stared at the television screen. Stared at Himei, covered in blood, as she stared at Min’s dead body at her feet.

Min’s eyes were still open, staring off into nothing. Dull. Lifeless.

Just a few minutes ago, they’d been full of more life than Tov had ever seen in them. They were practically glowing.

And now—

Himei coughed and spit, trying in vain to rid her mouth of the taste of Min’s blood.

Her dark eyes were wide open, unseeing. Blood dripped from her long lashes. Tov had never seen her look so… lost before.

Tov’s heart ached, but not in the same way it had the other day.

Two guards emerged from the left side of the stage, each taking one of Himei’s arms. They clicked a collar around her neck and led her out of frame. She nearly stumbled in her heels.

The scoreboard flickered overhead. Min’s name was gone. Himei’s took its place.

Min’s portrait darkened. Himei’s lit up again.

An equal exchange.

Tov only knew of Min officially through magazines and footage from Alien Stage Season 38 where she won.

Talented. Popular. Fashionable.

She knew of Min unofficially through the gossip she’d overheard in the lounges she sang in or the events where Cassio paraded her around.

Spoiled. Manipulative. Cruel.

And then there was that interview she did with Himei before their round.

"So sorry to see you go. See you at our round, dear."

Tov had wanted to cut her face and answers out of the page.

She’d let her mask slip too early to win this time.

But that still didn’t explain the scoreboard, or Himei’s portrait going dark, or the gun clearly being trained on Himei instead of Min.

Nothing about her true self suggested she would sacrifice her life for someone else. Especially when she spoke so candidly about being better than them just a few days ago.

So… why?

Why did any of this happen?

Min’s guardian was wealthy, but were they really wealthy enough to rig a round like that? Even when the scores were so disproportionate?

Is that why Min stepped in the line of fire for Himei? Because she knew she lost and what that meant?

Was it her pride? Her ego?

Tov would never know. No one would.

The only person who knew the absolute truth had a bullet through their head.

Just like Stasya and Moran and Azure.

Even though a round finally went how Tov hoped, she found that it was still a hard pill to swallow.

Himei was traumatized.

Min was dead.

There were no winners in Alien Stage.

Only victims.

————————————————————

I originally wasn’t going to do a log for this round, but then @lookatmysillies wrote this amazing follow up to my End of Round 3 post from Himei’s perspective and the fallout that came after, and I was so inspired by it that I wrote this!

The Round 4 poll results were absolutely CRAZY to experience live. Seeing Himei’s portrait darken and Min being declared the winner despite the scores was so confusing (and lowkey terrifying).

Bravo to @starry-skiez for crafting the Min twist! Our first self sacrifice of the season 🥹

And shoutout to @season39 for formatting the Round 4 posts in a way that made me want to cry and rip my hair out (positive).

Himei belongs to @lookatmysillies.

Min belongs to @starry-skiez.

[blood-injections]

Having postcomic thoughts again.. especially within my au where when the girl frees the city and she finds the fab four who were stuck there being controlled by bli but wake up when she frees everyone's souls.

The war would be over, but fighting wouldn't stop. Theres no more dracs and the director is dead but not everyone was being mind controlled, the citizens would all just keep living peacefully and those that were dracs would go home to their families in the desert or city, but a lot of people genuinely believed in bli and were loyal to them, think of all the higher ups that would salvage what was left of bli and make their own resistance now, trying to get their utopia back. Most citizens and people freed wouldn't want to fight or take a side and lots of killjoys would want to retire and put up their guns now that their lives aren't on the line.

But there will still be those loyal to bli, and without dracs or a government there's going to be tons of looting and petty crime in the city but thats not something that can be fought with ray guns, so until something new is set up that's just going to happen.

But there will still be those loyal to bli that refuse to go quietly, and there will also be killjoys that have spent their whole lives fighting a war, that can't just settle for peace all of a sudden, because all they know is fighting for their lives, their freedom. Some will just be restless, but some will always be full of rage, always wanting something to fight, vel velocity would be like this. And there's killjoys that will always hate the city and those that reside there. It doesn't matter that everyone was being controlled and that the city was being run by a bunch of crazy assholes, it doesn't matter that everyone that's left in battery city are just People now.

So there will still be a fight, there will still be rebels. There will still be assholes on either side that refuse to give up their way of life.

And when the girl frees everyone's souls and finds the fab four and brings them home and they settle back in, they'll be restless too, because the last memory they have is dying, its sacrificing themselves to save the girl. And they've been cooped up in the city and they've been under blis control for twelve whole years, and they're restless too, they're angry, because they've had twelve years of their lives stolen from them, because they slaughtered and brought back to life by bli just to be their lap dogs, and they've been used to do god knows what while under their control, and they've been gone and they get back to the desert and find that their friends are gone and they never got a chance to say goodbye, and they missed out on getting to see the girl grow up, shes eighteen now. So they'll be restless, some more than others, one or two might want revenge.

And theres a few assholes from the city dumb enough to keep going, so the fight is not over. The fabulous four, well, fabulous five, now that the girl(Boomstick, she goes by, and it's a fitting name) is all grown up, they will continue to fight, because they're The killjoys, and they won't rest until all traces of better living are gone for good.

They get to fight with Boomstick for the first time, who, sure, they let her blow something up every now and then as a kid, but for the most part they kept her out of danger. But now she's close to the ages they were when they died saving her, and she can fight(she cant shoot in the comics and thats bullshit shes been on her own for twelve years bruh she's fought her fair share of dracs she can shoot a gun a right), she can build bombs as good as Ghoul and shoot as good as Jet, she's the sum of the fabulous four and all their skills. They're a family and now they all get to fight together, they get to catch up, figure out who they are now. And they're unmatched, and they'll end the war once and for all.