#she thinks bad things happen to ppl who care about her

[simplaertes]

dear god i was too afraid to be bitchy in the beginning and now i'm really working from behind to make astarion like me kfjlkdslfjsadlfas........ however in the world of my tav she likes people better when they don't like her (she has issues) so maybe that's not a problem

[deservedgrace]

i didn't realize how much like... "the thing that is obviously happening isn't happening" is almost just as exhausting and demoralizing and frustrating and scary as the thing itself for me. i didn't realize that aspect of things was weighing on me almost as much as the thing itself until now

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[fuzzbuns]

Arlecchino discourse is really awkward because both sides are so convinced they are right and that the other side just lacks media literacy but 9 times out of 10 the take in question is also wrong and it leaves me scratching my head a little bit….

[jamlabs]

Being a GG fan in queer spaces is so exhausting sometimes bc every time I try to talk about it transfems always make some sort of joke about Bridget like. Okay I'm glad you like her and I WILL fight transphobes to the death for her but she isn't even in my top 15 gg characters?

Like can you guys maybe stop enjoying this media at a surface level and making the same jokes at me, a person who is known to be insane about their interests? Me talking about how much I love guilty gears music is not an invitation to ask "is the town inside you" like no. That's a super mid song. I am talking about the metal, the hard rock, and the fucking pipe organs . I was literally talking about how much I loved Necessary Discrepancy? And love letter to the future? HELLO?

Idk I'm just. So fucking tired of people engaging with GG on the most shallow level and then attempting to joke with me about it. Yeah haha brisket whatever

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

[asmodeusamaryllis]

G3nshin players never beating the not playing the game allegations

[angy-grrr]

I need to watch this 2000s horror movie, but by the premise it sounds like what ppl wanted Himiko Toga to be...

[wonjuii]

Hi, I do think exposing is childish but... I want to warn people. Ever since, like around 2024, august? I was invited to a groupchat, filled with people who posts on tumblr! some were ppl i didnt know about. And.. there is marie. I thought marie was a sweet person at first, didnt talk to her since i didnt know her that much. ever since the month grew, there's a chaos drama about dodo. (i am not bringing it up that much but it will be some information direct to that chaos)

it was around... october? I dont know but lets forget that! past 3 days, marie was being too dramatic, calling me and @awwriri sensitive. (just to tell you that, I can reclaim the slurs since i took an irl test but idk if its a thing since the doctor said "it was to check if i have autism" but it was positive i guess!) It was during the lil-liaa chaos. I didnt want to say the r slur to her but i ended up saying it since there were alot of things happening. As you can tell, i asked permission to say the slur, I was worried if i am really meant to say the slur in the gc. (please anyone dont get uncomfortable!) all of the sudden, she called me insensitive..? I didn't know asking permission is considered impolite or insensitve.. we all had a small talk with marie. everything went a little okay (I assumed.) there are evidences of our small talk.

I apologised... many times. MANY TIMES. "don't be sorry" i will have to be sorry because you bashed on me and riri bc of the slur now the whole server bc of dodo?? U can't be that serious. I also mentioned that everyone deserve to be forgiven! guess marie cant accept that. I thought riri was the owner of the gc, of course i had to ask her permission but no. she wasnt the owner. i was dumb enough to not check who's really the admin of the gc. When we had a small conversation about slurs, she mentioned she cant reclaim the N WORD bc others used it?... Although she used it when she just said it TWICE. (ITS NOT A RACISM SLUR, SHES AFRICAN)

i was just trying to make a conversation, setting up a new type of topic since i got really annoyed and uncomfortable, talking about slurs. But, she continued, wouldnt even stop ending the conversation about it. I even try to convince her to bring riri back to the gc since we all wanted to see how she is.

.... okay. do u like.. hate riri or something? The fact she argued with riri, MAYBE ALMOST EVERY WEEK. MAYBE EVERY DAY. its just disgusting how shes treating the others like shes the oldest of the gc. (she tried to boss me, telling me not to say the slurs bc im insensitve) just so you know, vivi educated me more about slurs so i am not going to say it. (thank you vivi)

The text may not be necessary, but can't you tell how bad she is? if your assuming its bc her education system or shes young, i was 13, i rarely got into fights. (like twice a year.) most likely, she's to cause tons of fights. my screenshots:

(Please press to read, it might be hard for you to see!)

This is a dodo situation. you may not know why dodo didn't explain why she didn't say anything or mention her reason about ignoring to chei. here it is.

basically, she was moody (mood swings i think) I understood dodo, i have frustration issues so i get really annoyed like almost everyday. just to clarify, were not bashing on chei, this is just to show evidence about marie and things she said! more evidence when she started being rude to me... (i didnt clip that part but others may have seen it, she said something like "no, i dont want to ❤️" something like that)

shes basically thinking we dont care...

(im at the corner at the top, replying to her.) You can tell i apologised to her like many times. shes basically saying dodo doesnt deserve to defend herself because shes a bully..? do you realize what ur doing. its childish.

evidence from dodo about marie talking about dodo in her post!

i cant. this is just annoying me so bad. why is she only asking me to block her ??? im so confused. (AGAIN, please press these evidences to read!)

wow.. i just dont get whats her problem with dodo, me and riri atp?..

sigh. marie tsk tsk.. i just cant believe this. i assumed she was going to expose me but i guess not?.... also another information.. me and vini were just trying to calm her down but she started bashing on her too.

Thank you to anyone to might be reading this. Again, exposing seems childish but its the best way to do it. its for others to be warned, incase! tags : @y-unrei @n-americano @i-mmaculatus @sugarish

@miujo @i-kyujin @aestradairio @awwriri @atsubie

@aeraras @rkivefr @daddldee @p-oisn @kissunoo

@florescita @fairytopea @purinkiss @hourlyhoon

@lvioung @obdosant @tzulipss @j-eongs @yeritos

@yonkiibums @hcvenue @bitchey @babyvoxgirlie

@swhore @bloomqi @kiyeuo @chaeryeos @y-vna

@y-urios @aestradairio @aesverse

god all of that tags is MAD!!!

[nestaians]

alot of ppl forgive or not blame feyre much for how nesta has been treated bc feyre is naive or young or “doesn’t know any better” when its not an excuse,,

she is the high lady of night court for 2 to 3? years, a politician, idc if she doesnt do shit or it hasnt been that long for her to study. look not just bc she has been through it herself! but she should be able to tell the simple difference between right or wrong

ffs she is a mother now, some basic thinking would do her good or will she let rhysand decide what to do in any decisions about their child?

she already forgive him so quickly for keeping the fact she was going to die from her and beloved her family didnt tell her either -no angry towards them but god forbid nesta doesn’t just move on from her ptsd from being turned into a fae, the war and death of their father, god forbid nesta likes hanging out in bars -remember how feyre was judging nesta hanging out at such a place? what a loving high lady she is

nesta spending feysand’s money -which should have been given to her for all she went through thanks to them and her own work- is an issue bc its embarrassing to feyre even though they own the entire court, boast about all the money and things such as numerous houses they own and are fucking rich as hell

feyre cried about it, fine she was pregnant but pregnant women cant think clearly?

lets go back to rhysand keeping info about feyre pregnancy from her, after nesta reveals the truth she is taken on the hike bc “rhysand will kill her” but does not once feyre asks to see her own sister the only one who told her the truth? she cant look at her mate’s face and know he wants to hurt her sister?

feyre has always prioritised being to be there her mate then her new family over nesta and expects nesta to happily take part in that new family

ngl feyre was naive in how she talked about her and her sisters’ life at the cabin bc she was gone hunting most of the day & didnt seem to pay attention to anything bc who took care of the house work? nor seems to remember much about their childhood before they lost money so she naively painted a bad picture of nesta to inner circle, “the older sister who let her younger sister go out and hunt”

the fact that these 500yrs old do not take into account that feyre is young and might have missed something or not have been aware of other things and choose to judge nesta on feyre’s words omg

look nobody forced feyre to go hunt but inner circle acts as if thats what happened

who was doing other work around the house? elain? all she had was her gardens

but feyre is not naive is how after years of being a fae she still sees it like that, when rhysand brings it up she doesnt rebuke it, only “shes my sister and i’ll handle her” like nesta is a property

mind you nesta’s human life was ripped away from her and went through trauma after trauma bc feyre the genius involved them into it

nesta knew feyre was not at their aunts, nesta went to the wall for feyre, nesta put aside her own trauma from the cauldron and took care of elain, nesta stood tall and talked to high lords to beron and made him and them listen, nesta trusted feyre throughout the war, nesta helped in the war, saved cassian’s life, help kill the hybern king but she hasnt done enough to make amends for letting feyre hunt?

feyre does not stand up for nesta at dinners, against her new bestie mor’s judgemental comments and cassian’s harassing or her own mate shitty treatment of her sister. feyre lets this go on, laughs or writes them off as jokes

feyre forces nesta to comes to solstice party to be around her family so she can be ignored and feel unwelcomed for hours and then feyre has the audacity to be hurt bc nesta came cause of rent money that feyre had forced her on to

mind you feyre painted their loser of a father and hanged his picture but not nesta but feyre wants nesta to be a part of her family🥺 oh poor her feelings

did feyre ask nesta if she wants to be a part of feyre new family?

did feyre ask if nesta is okay without her mate and new family lingering around?

did feyre listen to nesta when she said no to coming to solstice party?

did feyre listen to nesta when she repeatedly has made it clear she does not want to be around cassian?

did feyre listen to nesta?

does feyre see nesta as her own being?

does feyre care about nesta?

no bc feyre does what she wants, bc feyre will get what she wants

she isnt stupid, she knows rhysand her beloved mate who climaxes at the image of their unborn son will make it happen for her

she shipped nesta and cassian since their first meeting like she has been shipping elain and azriel, so for feyre she wants them to be together. yeah she wants that for cassian but she doesnt want it for nesta or else she would have not had nesta locked up in a house with him

feyre is entitled and has a superiority issue (like rest of inner circle) towards nesta and has helped in drive nesta to her breaking point and locked the door to nesta’s cage

but nesta must apologise to feyre for hurting her feelings🥺

fuck off

feyre is to nesta what tamlin is to feyre

feyre being naive is not an excuse anymore, feyre being uneducated is not an excuse anymore, feyre not knowing better is not an excuse anymore

feyre simply doesnt care to do better

[floralscented]

i seriously did not want to do this but if i'm gonna be talked abt behind the scenes, and if ppl i follow are going to start turning on me because of one actual psychopath that has not left me alone for 3 weeks, i'm gonna say my piece because it is not fair to know that i am being painted in a bad light, when i have been a victim, and my friends have been dragged into this because every time, it is made public.

all of this has happened in a span of twenty one days. here's my proof.

this is a server that one of my close friends and most adored people (who, again, like anyone else mentioned in this, should not have been dragged into this fucking tirade) created for spn fans on discord to cultivate a fun little community and to make friends. she acquired the link, i don't know who invited her or if somehow she just found the link if it was posted and joined herself, but she showed up.

four days into her being there, i tell the server, i'm making a mr. & mrs. smith inspired jackles bot. i'd more say 3, because i posted it at midnight that day. eleven hours later, she says 'i wanna make a mr. & mrs. smith dean bot.' so my whole idea. and i am not a confrontational person by nature, so i was trying to lightly discourage without straight up saying no, because i did not know this girl. it'd been a little over 3 days.

i have the person i was replying to blurred because i'm actually sick of people getting dragged into this that did not have any reason to be put in between her shit with me, whatever the hell that may be.

here is me lightly trying to deny it but not outright saying no, and maybe that's on me, but who in their right mind sees someone else's idea and eleven hours later just blatantly copies it?

and she did copy it. word for word. this is my intro message on the left, and this is hers on the right. it's literally word for word, practically, with the lines lining up and everything.

so i'm angry. i don't care abt follower account but now i'm going to look like the thief because at this point, i'm not anywhere near big. like 300 followers. which again, don't care about, but sometime between the span of this above and what's coming, she'd been posting abt a milestone very close to 1k. that is a clear difference, and an abuse of the writing channel, that is supposed to have been a safe place for us to share our ideas.

i don't say anything about this, though. my breaking point is when she discovers my bonnie & clyde au and says she wants to make a bot based on it. which maybe i would have said yes to someone else, but she'd stolen my idea already before, word for word, and i wasn't in the mood. so i politely told her no, and that i was planning on making bots out of all of my aus. and she goes something like, "oh, that's fine, i just really liked the idea is all." i have deleted our dms on discord because i didn't want her reaching out to me again, which does come up!

anyways, i think it's cool. i'm thinking she's not going to take anything else, because i denied her one thing, so maybe this was just a one-off.

she posts this into the writing server, like she's showing off that she made the bot anyways / had made it already in the short span of time it took me to reply to her, and was trying to get hype for it??? or something?? or rub it in my face that she made it anyways? i don't know her motives. for anything that happens in this.

not to mention, she made a mr. & mrs. smith dean pt two in this time, for some reason. again, not her idea.

but going back to the above screenshot, that's her chatting with bonnie & clyde!dean. please look here at a screenshot of my fic, literally making it clear that whatever the intro she used for this, it was identical, because the interaction here is identical to my writing.

the day before this, december 1st, she was also asking me to tell her abt the au, but i'm not going to downright say that it was to stake out stuff to steal, but looking back, it seems like it.

so by this point, i'm angry! really angry! because every idea i mention in that chat, gets stolen by her. so i make this post. kind of infamous when it comes to future things.

immediately, she knows it's about her, because she's messaging me everywhere. i. do. not. engage. behind the scenes, i'm talking to people in the server abt it, because i literally am being stolen from and expected to take it! so she gets kicked.

this causes her to message me even more. this causes her to make an entire post ( now deleted by ppl in the server's request, because we thought once 'resolved', it would be resolved ) tagging every single person in the server. not just me, not just the people who came forward or the server's owner, but everyone who has no idea what's going on. trying to pitch her case.

her case being, by the way, that the reason she copied me was because of photographic memory. i feel like i have a screenshot of this but can't find it, and also don't want to keep using all my limited picture spaces. but if i find it and you want to see it, i will show it.

she gets let back into the server on a warning. it's like a 3 strike system, i imagine, which this is where things get psychotic! like genuinely!

the very day that i tell her no to the bonnie & clyde thing, i get this in my inbox.

on god, never before have i been told this ever. and i'm supposed to believe that it's not a coincidence, when the only person i've 'wronged' on tumblr so far is her, and just for calling her out on her shit? i've literally been on tumblr for maybe 2 months maximum at this point. like i only know a handful of people, and most are in this server.

so i move on. whatever. one of my friends from the server makes a post ( that i rb-ed, but i'm not gonna link it because again, i'm keeping them out of this if i can, but it's also on my page still ) in my defense, because genuinely, it is not that fucking serious to tell a fanfic writer to kill themselves.

after she posts it, she gets an anon telling her to track them. and then one telling her to kill herself. again, i'm not posting who's doing this, but she responded to it, and it's on her account if you need to see more proof.

so you might be thinking, how do you know this is her? it's a lot of circumstantial evidence and gut feelings. and yes, i did doubt it at the time that maybe it wasn't, and i was just paranoid, but literally sometime last week, she not only:

messaged me 4 times privately on discord to reply to a question i already answered (being like do you think i'm a bad person? or something like that. but i answered it! and she added something on the end that i didn't see because i was busy and in a different timezone.)

tagged me twice in the server to try and get my attention for this question.

private messaged me here on tumblr.

sent an ask, which i do still have & a screenshot in case it gets deleted btw, about it.

MADE. A THROWAWAY ACCOUNT. BAITING ME INTO REPLYING TO IT. it was a comment abt a fic, so i said thank you, and within 3 fucking minutes max, she sent me ANOTHER message on discord saying "please stop ignoring me." THE ACCOUNT NOW, IS GONE. SO THAT'S HOW I KNOW IT'S HER. you will see later, too, that this is fitting for her character.

i know that screenshot is not much to go off of, but that account did not follow me, did not even like or interact with that fic. i remember taking that screenshot because i was like, there's no way this is her, like actually no way, because the first message to get me to say anything was just like a compliment. and the moment i replied, she messages me, and after i message back, i get the above response. i hope this makes sense.

this is her strike 2, by the way, because i was getting harassed and i wasn't going to sit there and be like yeah this is fine that this is happening to me. i am six hours, maybe more, behind her timewise. as you can see in the screenshot, it was 1:27 am for me.

so all of this happens, and she's getting increasingly more passive aggressive. she keeps bringing up CONSTANTLY that none of us interact with her things anymore, which is crazy to me, because she hardly interacted with ours but expected things back for her. not to mention, of course i wasn't going to interact with someone the same after that someone stole my shit.

all of this leads to december 17th, which yes, was yesterday. which i'm assuming is her big crashout because it's the only reason i can think of anything else that it could be??? but me and a lot of the other server members get anons like this. which is why, like i said earlier, i am convinced the kys is her. this one is the one i received.

and these are a couple that my friends did.

none of us reply, and she's spamming in the chat asking if we got anything, and we all deny it, because we know it's her. like, who else comes into other people's asks to talk shit on someone else? it makes no sense. especially people that the anon wouldn't have known? that she was friends with? i wasn't even in her little intro tagged post, like a lot of the server was before now, so it's literally a dead giveaway that this is her.

when she gets to me, though, after being told i think twice that no, none of us received anything, tumblr must have eaten it, her message changes. and she's like "i just got a second ask telling me that you definitely got one." and when i asked to see the screenshot of the ask that name drops me, she says she deleted it. like how convenient, right?

so this is where things get absolutely mental. more so than they are.

the dani era. shortlived but absolutely insane. suddenly she's leaving her account, as you probably saw from one of her posts that's now deleted, but i might have a screenshot.

you can't really see it but she changed her server name to dani too, and you might have seen her account before literally this afternoon, was daniisms. so again, she is kicked, because suddenly handing off your account to a stranger is weird and violates the rules. i am not in charge of the kicking, by the way, if for some reason you think i am. i literally am just a person in the server who for some reason was targetted? idk.

i don't want to air out her shit but this is the reasoning she provided for why she was quitting and 'dani' was taking over. sorry it's so small i was on my laptop n so it's just. like that.

in a later message, she brings up how specifically she is depressed... because of lack of engagement from us. literally. and i get that that's upsetting, but she just handed over her whole account allegedly? because of it? that's insane to me.

so after she's kicked, she starts messaging some of us on discord, i got an ask.

this, also, is still in my drafts, because i was going to privately be like arty this is actually clinical please seek help, but it wouldn't let me post it privately so i didn't! because i never wanted! any of this! public! from the very beginning!

also you can see there, the username change. so a lot of us block her. i didn't because i wanted to see if being kicked and no longer apart of the server would make her give it up, which yeah, i should have, but i give a lot of benefit of the doubt if you can't tell, when all it does is bite me in the ass.

because a lot of people got blocked, she made an account called bella-oftheball, and only followed two people from the server, commented on one of my random fics, and on the account right now, her only like is another person from the server's. not to mention, the header on the account is literally exactly her edit style. again. blocked.

so this morning. all of us are getting messages from arty again, suddenly back on her account, and claiming that all of this is a hacker. that she hasn't even been here for weeks. so this is the first time she's seeing any of this allegedly and she's confused, doesn't understand why she's gone from the server, her discord account's deleted...

still here in my friends list. lol. and she's in my asks, as you can see where i answer it. so you can see her exact defense and then her in the comments.

now i just want you to tell me why a hacker would:

post all of her drafts

target a spn tumblr writing acct??? like?

and none of her sideblogs ?

make up ANOTHER persona aka the friend named dani.

go through the effort of liking some of our things when she did, and interacting with all of us in the server???

because hackers usually idk. delete the entire accounts. or post awful things on someone else's accts. they wouldn't just run it like their own ??????

so yeah. she's back on tumblr btw, as artyandink, as arty. i'm posting this because her intro message has changed to no longer have any of the server ( not me, never me, and i wonder why! ) but people that i know she's telling all of this too and painting not only me as a bad guy, but also my friends who literally only are involved because they were defending me. dragged into this shit for daring to believe me.

i am making this both in my defense and as a warning. please be careful around this person! she switches identities on a dime to fit her narrative, will harass you if you don't answer fast enough, will harass you if you say anything she doesn't like, and will literally torment your entire friend group if she deems fit, as a form of sick pleasure or something. again, i don't know her motive, just that i've been going through this behind the scenes for 3 fucking weeks, all for it to lead up to this, and to have me being pinned by her to people that do not know a thing about this because it was NEVER MEANT. TO BE PUBLIC. OR THIS INSANE.

<3 please stay safe ily guys.

[nikist-4-n]

ANNOUNCEMENT PART 4

Dodo bullied my friend, if anyone read my announcement y'all would understand what I'm saying and she had the nerve to call me a bully for some reason

Dodo I never bullied u I was speaking out my frustrations because u go on discord to speak about me and call me names which is really low of you. You NEVER reached out to me after we exposed me u just went on my anon to defend urself to the point I had to deactivate it. And @y-urios literally sent me ur acc so I went to check it out out of curiosity and I happen to see @kissunoo

And Esha @kissunoo I'm so disappointed but I don't care what u do u can be friends with her just cuz we had a bad experience doesn't mean u can't speak to her I'm not ur mom or some leader just don't speak to me unless if u do tho. And that goes for everyone befriending dodo, she hurt my friend and me now that's why I dislike her so much it's nothing against u I just don't want to associate with people who speak to her

and to the people calling me immature just remember :

1 I'm not immature I've been calm up until she lied about me chasing her that's when I completely lost it I'm just expressing my feelings how am I immature. I really wanted to but I realised I don't always have to be the bigger person seeing that y'all let dodo talk trash about me and Saraah not even tagging me in her expose post about ME so I'm only defending myself after my sister sent it to me

2 dodo is the same age as me and chei is younger than dodo and she bullied chei over family problems ( I think that's what she said) that she could've easily logged off for some time ( I've had family problems around the same time that left me traumatized but I never took my anger out on ppl ) , we're not holding her on a leash it was her decision to take her anger out chei she doesn't deserve an explanation from her side I asked her multiple times to explain and she left me on read

And I'm not holding people accountable it's ur decision to speak to her it's just that y'all 'dislike' her and now ur on her side? I'm so done. But from Saraahs post I can see most of y'all just run with every little thing instead of asking me personally so don't be surprised that I'm unfollowing y'all in genuinely hurt

And again I'm apologising to the ppl who got involved I didn't mean to but they both ( @swhore and Dodo ) blocked me so I had no other choice but to speak on the group chat and also I'm apologising if I came off as rude yesterday to y'all I'm just so done cuz my name is getting dragged now even tho I was rightfully upset about everything. I'm human and I have feelings that's why I acted the way I did on discord

( I hope I worded myself right )

And about the slur thing I'm going to actually explain myself since Saraah is lying and showing stuff she only wants to show

[wingedshadowfan]

⚠️arcane s2 spoilers⚠️

i just saw someone say "vi put on a uniform for caitlyn but caitlyn never took hers off", even going as far as saying that caitvi shouldn't have ended up together bcuz they have the dynamic of "oppressor and oppressed". tell me you've never paid attention to a single thing caitlyn's done or said in either season without telling me😭😭 (this is my nth post abt this bcuz it pisses me off when ppl mischaracterize her so when you see underlined text, it's linked to a more detailed post)

are we forgetting when she traded her weapon, her gun, her only protection away for a shimmer/medication/potion thing w/ that fucked up undercity dude with the glasses (the one who became the first of the glorious evolution) for vi and hugged him as thanks?

when she saw ekko's commune, his tree, and validated ekko's feelings about piltover and enforcers but also told him the cycle of violence needs to be broken because the undercity needs healing - something ekko could understand even in his anger and hurt.

when she confronted her own parents abt how the government doesn't care about zaun and the situation there, and then took it straight to the council. when jayce, her literal childhood best friend and basically a brother to her, now a councilor, ASKED HER IF SHE KNOWS WHO MADE ONE OF JINX'S BOMBS AND SHE WENT "no, well, uh-" because vi held her hand. she asked him, in front of everyone, "what happened to you" when he suggested using hextech to invade zaun.

even when vi got sick of trying to change things through the council, caitlyn kept telling her there must be another way and they just needed to make a new plan. oil and water, vi said, and that she was stupid to think it would work, but caitlyn's response was, what about us? what about the actual people, not their value as representatives of a group, a stereotype, one of many indistinguishable units? we aren't oil and water.

ppl say she used to view zaunites as just "creeps, crooks and villains" and after seeing more from them through vi, she changed it to "innocent helpless victims", which obv is dehumanizing since you don't recognize a person's capability for both good and evil and only see them as a stereotype. but she's always recognized both kinds of people exist in the undercity and that being "good" or "bad" isn't that simple. ppl seem to be mad she didn't try and dismantle piltover's entire police force like that would be possible or a solution to zaun's problems. she has a strong moral compass and a sense of justice - innocents should be protected and criminals prosecuted, zaunites or topsiders. if you steal, you should go to jail. but when you come from the dark alleys of zaun and poverty and deprivation is all you know, you're way more likely to steal, and when enforcers are prejudiced against you, you're more likely to face excessive violence and maybe serve a longer sentence. and this is why she tells the council that there are good people down there, that there is rampant poverty, famine, a drug problem, etc. her focus is on the daily humanitarian struggles of the average people.

you guys will twist yourselves in knots to make excuses for jinx, justify her actions and forgive her for what she's done (when she literally, aside from murdering a bunch of people and destroying a fuckton of stuff because she was insane, unstable and uncontrollable, literally directly prevented zaun from getting sovereignty by blowing up the council) but you don't recognize caitlyn's entire change in character started when jinx tried to blow her up multiple times, kidnapped her, tried to get vi to kill her, blew up the council killing her mother and then (this wasn't jinx but caitlyn doesn't know that) turned the councilor memorial statue reveal to a massacre. see: this very accurate post.

"caitlyn never took her uniform off" well maybe because she was scared of jinx, paranoid, angry, grieving her mother, seeking justice and buckling under the pressure of becoming head of house kiramman. perfectly normal reactions considering the circumstances. she even acknowledged to jayce how upsetting it was to realize this hate she harbored for jinx had started to undo a lot of the work she did towards understanding the undercity and zaunites better and seeking to help them. but i believe she thought jinx was a hazard to them too.

i have a whole other post diving into this, as well as why she wanted vi to "put on a uniform" (temporarily until they caught jinx, and not just bcuz she thought vi was "one of the good ones" but bcuz she wanted her close, under her protection and equipped w/ all resources and privileges available to piltover, not to mention ppl are seriously undermining the fact that vi played a role in that conflict too) and why she made the mistake of going too far in her pursuit of jinx - most notably becoming rougher and jailing people, poisoning the air as a battle tactic, endangering isha, hurting vi, assuming the commander position and pursuing jinx even harder. but this post isn't about that, it's about other ways in which she metaphorically took off her uniform, and even the way she wore it.

caitlyn wasn't happy as a commander, she wasn't going on a power trip, she didn't "become a dictator all too willingly" like ppl are saying. and yes, that doesn't mitigate the damage she did to zaun but she had clear goals she was pursuing, none of which involved harming innocents (but protecting them), and she even confronted ambessa when she thought her right hand was out of line, which caused tension between them. though blinded by a desire for revenge, she remained concerned with the undercity's state and realized ambessa was manipulating her, even saying something like "why is peace always a justification for violence?" to her. the cost of what she was doing was too much for her. all things considered, commander caitlyn wore her uniform in the best possible way.

and she took it off as soon as she saw what was on the line. vi's father turned monster would go berserk when injected by singed, innocents would be ripped to shreds, and he'd be captured and used as a weapon by ambessa (against the undercity or whomever). for all of these reasons, caitlyn betrayed ambessa. she double crossed her, and the way she acted it out matters, not just because vi, who she'd decked the last time she saw, called her "cupcake". but because it was the right fucking thing to do.

i have a separate post about caitlyn's implied guilt about the things she'd done, about her knowing she couldn't undo those mistakes. this is what made her so desparate to try to make up for them that she not only send the guards away so vi could free jinx (another brilliant analysis here), but it also resulted in the way she fought ambessa tooth and nail alongside mel - like she had a death wish. she, a sniper, sacrificed her eye so she could remove ambessa's talisman by cutting it free with the dagger she took out of her own side. and even in the very end, when she asks vi if she's still in this fight, it could be interpreted as the fight for zaun too since she gave sevika, a zaunite, an ally of jinx, her mother's councilor seat.

so don't fucking talk to me about how she "never took her uniform off" for vi, when she's done that so many times metaphorically (and their last scene is literally one of the very few in the entire show where she isn't wearing any insignia), and she's done it for zaun too. and maybe even more so than that - it's how she wore it that matters. what she did with her privilege and her power - her character and agency.

season two is at fault for mismanaging the piltover/zaun conflict and not focusing on it enough in its latter half, as well as also not showing any proper longer caitvi conversations that might've taken place, in favor of... glorious evolution alien robots??

[elliesglock]

Do the crumble cookie live !

okay so boom guess who's back with another banger. so this is just one of my fav lives in general not even for pazzi but it's just so chaotic and the one that makes me chuckle so bad. anyways tho!

my biggest thing with this live is the difference in the way p is acting before and when azzi comes into the room. before she is goofy, messing around with kk, making fun of jana, and everything is super chaotic. but when azzi comes in??? girl she's not subtle at all. she might as well be pouting with azzi as well. azzi comes into the room and is very obviously upset about assignments, p's eyes lock on her IMMEDIATELY as soon as she walks in and she completely forgets about what everyone else is doing. she is the first one to notice azzi btw. almost like her body can feel that her girls in the room. she's even being blocked by tall ass yanna but p still is able to find her and seek her out 😭 p can't take her eyes off of her and you can tell she knows az is upset just by looking at her. paige motions to the phone that they are on live so azzi knows, everybody yells that azzi fudd is here yayyy! and azzi has imo the cutest reaction ever and gets all overwhelmed, groans, and flops on the bed. everybody finds it pretty funny and laughs, guess who the only one who isn't laughing is? paige bueckers everybody.

now we know p. she does NOT like when her girl is sad or in any kind of distress of anytime. she also loves to tease azzi HORRIBLY. the things that stick out to me is that she's not smiling, locks in on azzi's every move, and does not make one single joking comment to make fun of azzi for being dramatic. she gets all soft and caring and probably wants nothing more than to go pick az off that bed and hold her. now my agenda yall. i've always imagined paige to be a very gentle, sweet person to her girl, def someone that is an empath and FEELS everything az feels. and i can tell all the chaotic energy she just had minutes ago is sucked out the minute azzi walks in. she's feeling exactly how azzi is feeling at that moment. SOULMATES THEY ACTUALLY WANT ME DEAD.

kk jokingly says "what happened?" but p IS NOT playing when she asks the same question. she wants names, faces, and explanations to whoever/whatever has her baby azzi so upset and she wants it now. azzi replies that she needs someone who can tutor her in accounting. (she's such a princess and so cute. and azzi i can do my damn best tutoring u btw i have no clue how to do accounting but ill make it work). kk kinda ignores it at first and paige gets this irritated ass look on her face and tells kk to ask the live. she gets down and if her princess needs someone to tutor her she wants to know if someone can do it immediately. i think we get great glimpses of paige's more protective side in this live with how quick she is to respond to azzi's obvious exasperation. she DOES NOT like when az feels like that. kk asks the live and azzi says thank you. paige says "this should be good" i think cause saying ppl are gonna dm her crazy stuff. azzi laughs at this and paige's eyes light up because her girls happy now! and it's because of her!! lover girl paige BACK IN BUSINESS PAZZI NATION. paige gives her a little smile and they go back to what they're doing.

you can tell paige isn't all that interested in the cookies anymore though. the only cookie she cares about is over on the bed pouting and she wants that cookie badddd. azzi stands up suddenly and guys the first ever time i watched this live i immediately thought omg paige looked at her so fast. before i was even into the pazzi side of uconn btw....just wanted to say that. okay anyway paige's head practically comes off her shoulders looking at azzi. almost like she's ready to do anything az wants her to do or anything she can to make a feel better. also peep p checking her out too. it's not really a sexual checking out tho, more like a "you good?" kinda thing. azzi kinda reaches her hands out, i think out of habit and it seems like she wants p to take her hands. now call me delusional all u want idrc but they def wanted to hold each other in that moment. i've said this to an anon before but paige would def take and kiss her hands, turn azzi around to lay against her, and whisper all the encouragement she could need in her ear. but unfortunately god hates us and they can't do that on live 😒.

azzi unfortunately leaves the frame after that and we get azzi just being absolutely adorable and p dotting on her. azzi kinda snoops and asks about the cookies. kk tells her what the flavors are and you can tell azzi wants a little bit (she's so cute im sobbing, p you truly won).

azzi asks to try the peanut butter one. and p immediately starts nodding and kk goes "girl yeah!". she's literally all of their princess she makes me want to throw up pls give me a chance azzi that dumb blonde bitch when i catch you. kk talks about how azzi will like it and its very sweet. p obv has to fight kk back cause kk don't know more about her girl than her, and she says it's very peanut buttery! didn't have to clock paige, it's okay she's yours....unfortunately azzi doesn't give us her review but i think she likes the cookie. kk starts talking about another cookie and azzi goes that's lame! p gives her a sorta "da fuck?" look and you can tell she wants to be sassy but she reels it in. smart paige you know ur girl would have ur ass.

kk says they need forks for the toffee cake and p goes up to get them. however, she stops dead in her tracks, like literally brake checks herself when azzi seems interested in the cookies. and then she kinda just stays around and yanna goes and gets the spoons. ugh. just. paige please.

while they're trying the toffee cake and paige is making fun of jana for her "OKAY SLOTHHHHH" paige says "okayyyyy turtle" to mess with jana but looks at azzi's approval of her joke 😭 bitch shut up atppppp. they're eating the toffee cake and jana is talking about splitting a bite with azzi. paige looks up at her girls name and says "YOU? and azzi?". she sounds like she's tryna say jana isn't good enough to share a bite with azzi that's the way i see it. also i just think she's jealous even though she didn't offer to share the cookie with azzi....jealous possessive paige you will always be famous. also keep making those edits yall we need to see paige accidentally claim azzi because she's soooo jealous people want a. they drop some of the cake on the floor and they're all laughing. you hear azzi say, "lick it off her fingers!" to jana and p gives her the craziest look. she probably wanted to say PAUSE so bad....also is that a little more jealous p i see?

that's all the moments i saw that really stood out to me. plus there's a little tiny part where azzi brings up paige's ipad and paige goes and shows her case. just them being little cutesy and stuff. long story short, azzi hopefully got a tutor but she def got some cuddles and kisses from paige. they prob went home after this live and paige just complimented her, told her how smart she is, and hyped her up to feel better :((( p gets so soft around az i swear. anywho!! hope you enjoy and ofc always send any moments you saw that i maybe didn't say!!

credit to my anons for reminding me about a lot of this stuff! thank you guys 💋

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

protag johnny truant talks a lot abt his sex life and the girls he fucks, seemingly without a direct relation to what he footnotes. but theres always this weird dissociative vibe to it and a lot of ppl think he's lying to sound better than he is (smth he admits to having done, telling insane stories abt how he got his disfigurements is part of his (often unsuccesful) pickup routine), but i ask what does he have to lie about in footnotes no one is ever going to see? my theory is that they are things he thinks happened, or things he is afraid of happening, and writing them out is his way of assuaging the anxiety brought on by delusion or ocd

notably these alleged fantasies are not particularly flattering or satisfying. they are under bizarre or unideal circumstances, involve him feeling deeply ambivalent and lonely, and explicitly mentions not finishing. a woman he doesnt remember becoming friends with uses him as revenge sex on her fiancé. so i find it hard to believe hes doing it to bolster an image or even an ego. if they do happen, even in part, these are not healthy or even necessarily coping mechanisms that make him feel better. often they make him feel worse, lost, alone.

I won't deny that Johnny's parts can be hard to get through. He can be crass, misogynistic, uncomfortable, unhygenic, dissociative, painful, ugly, and sometimes there's just plain bad sex. But I think it's unfair to discount these sections as entirely discrete from and unrelated to Zampano's paper on The Navidson Record. Johnny's story is included in House of Leaves for a reason. It's a part of the whole. There's a lot to be said about Johnny, whose life has never had any security to begin with, whose life is a series of winding pathways that leave him substance reliant and unsure of his place in anything-- in space in time in other people's lives-- reading a book about a movie where this upper middle class nuclear family moves into a new house and immediately have their own sense of domestic safety completely and totally shattered.

Here he is, speaking about his disfigurements (the things he has to tell ludicrous, pulpy stories about in order for people to not recoil away from him):

"All of it true too, though of course scars are much harder to read. Their complex inflections do not resemble the reductive ease of any tattoo, no matter how extensive, colorful or elaborate the design. Scars are the paler pain of survival, received unwillingly and displayed in the language of injury."

Here's him talking about that lady who has him as revenge sex:

"Before I left she told me our story: where we'd met-Texas- kissed, but never made love and this had confused her and haunted her and she had needed to do it before she got married which was in four months to a man she loved who made a living manufacturing TNT exclusively for a highway construction firm up in Colorado where he frequently went on business trips and where one night, drunk, angry and disappointed he had invited a hooker back to his motel room and so on and who cared and what was I doing there anyway? I left, considered jerking off, finally got around to it back at my place though in order to pop I had to think of Thumper. It didn't help. I was still hurting, abandoned, drank three glasses of bourbon and fumed on some weed, then came here, thinking of voices, real and imagined, of ghosts, my ghost, of her, at long last, in this idiotic footnote, when she gently pushed me out her door and I said quietly "Ashley" causing her to stop pushing me and ask "yes?" her eyes bright with something she saw that I could never see though what she saw was me, and me not caring though now at least knowing the truth and telling her the truth: "I've never been to Texas.""

I don't know. I just have a profound compassion for this guy. Maybe it's my own history with abuse and neglect and dissociation and unreality but it kind of shocks me to see how many people respond to this guy who desperately needs help and isn't going to get it, who is deeply terrified of other people and wanting them and hurting them or himself... as an imposition and annoying. It's such a fundamentally different read, one I hadn't even considered.

[nightcolorz]

Armand could definitely 100% have prevented Claudia and Madeline’s death like obviously he is so full of shit 😭😭 he just chose not to. I dont think he was lying about being held captive, though. It seems more likely to me that he allowed himself to be imprisoned bcus the ultimate outcome would be desirable, rather then like, he was secretly orchestrating it all like a devious Master mind and was only pretending to be a prisoner to trick Louis. I think Armand was genuinely being imprisoned, but he could have easily escaped (as if the vampire Armand couldn’t win in a fight against Sam The Twink), and chose not to because it’s in his best interest for Claudia and Madeline to die 😭. While part of his betrayal I think comes from a comfort Armand takes in learned helplessness, where taking action feels less safe then leaning into victimhood, so armand chooses to accept helplessness rather then play the hero bcus helplessness is comforting, it was also definitely part “I want these two people to be gone from my life and this seems like a sure fire way to let it happen while I get to remain mostly blameless” 😭. Armand finds Claudia’s whole existence horrific and cruel. I don’t think he particularly likes or dislikes her as a person, he doesn’t seem to know her very well nor care to know her (he actually says this in tva lol), so I don’t think he considered letting her a die an act of spite.

Armand thought of Claudia as a suffering, rabid, sick and diseased animal that needed to be put down for its own well being. He considered her death an inevitable tragedy that “could not be prevented”, and bcus of his perspective on vampirism as a horrible curse that can only be spared through very specific very calculated and clean cut means, he wanted her death to come as quick and painlessly as possible. From Armand’s perspective, if he saved Claudia from death by execution, he’d only end up watching her excruciatingly loose her mind and self until she eventually killed herself or got put down by Armand or someone else Nicki style so that she wouldnt need to live in agony anymore.

Which, his whole perspective there is flawed, and fucked up, and dehumanizing of Claudia, but it makes sense why he would think that way. Armand considers vampirism to be always bad, regardless of the subject turned, and always smth he would hate to inflict on someone. So claudias turning, is not only cruel to Armand, but unforgivable and unsalvageable. He’s seen a lot of fucked up vampires in his time, a lot of botched turnings, and he knows from his experience how much of a toll vampirism takes on anyone, let alone someone in the body of a child. His whole “I will never turn someone into a vampire ever in my life” thing comes from this. So, of course he won’t save claudia from such a clean cut, blameless death 😭. He considers it an act of mercy, when he pictures the alternative as “Claudia clings to Madeline as she painfully looses her mind and eventually dies”. Which, comes into why he didn’t save Madeline either lol

Armand doesn’t particularly value life as smth to be worth preserving, he is very willing to view other ppl as commodities when it helps him. But he does value preserving peace and limiting other’s suffering (which is why he kills so gently). Armand is so horrified by Madeline being turned, partly bcus I think he saw himself in her. He sees a fledgling who he believes will inevitably loose her maker, the only person she rlly cares about, to horrible gruesome death, and he knows that once she experiences that her life as an immortal will be cruel and unbearable. So once she is turned, Armand sees another lost cause who will be better off if she is killed before it can get bad. What Armand misses when it comes to Claudia and Madeline, obviously, is that they r more resilient and self sufficient then he sees, and taking away their agency by deciding they have no hope and must die isn’t the mercy he sees it as but is actually like, fucked up and horrible. Armand is so blinded by his trauma fueled dog eat dog view of life as a vampire that he can’t see that.

I think the reason armand considers the perks of Claudia and Madeline’s death a priority over Louis’s happiness (and horrible grief that will ensue when his loved ones die), is bcus Armand considers Claudia and Madeline’s death an inevitable consequence of Louis’s unforgivably cruel actions. He doesn’t resent Louis for it I don’t think, but he definitely thinks that Louis will need to atone for what he’s done whether Armand wants him to or not. So, Armand is ok with Louis grieving (as long as it doesn’t turn to resentment of Armand), bcus it was ultimately inevitable, and comparatively less cruel then what he would have to witness alternatively. It’s a rip the Band aid off type of thing 😭😭

in conclusion uh Armand is bad but Armand has his reasons and Armand isn’t one dimensionally villainous, he has a ton of complex trauma induced reasons for the way he thinks, and his actions r more often then not coming from a warped view of “the kind thing to do” that comes from his lack of understanding of how kind the world actually is and can be (dog eat dog mindest etc), bcus of how horribly traumatized he is. thank u good night