#she started off as a unhinged bard

[birdy-brainrot]

Here’s some clay swag

[halsinningiswinning]

Have you got a favourite BG3 headcanon to share? :D

I actually have quite a few, but I couldn't pick a single bloody one. So instead you get a delirious pain fuelled rambling about a few HC's I have~ Some, mind you, are gonna be sexual.

Thank you SM💞 This was a lot of fun!

1 ) Lae'zel is the most likely to earn her Red Wings. Sorry Astarion, but she's built different. His complicated relationship with sex would delay him having that chat I think, but maybe he can take the second place.

Lae'zel on the other hand always seems into her lover, and as a Githyanki would not have the same cultural understanding of menstruation. Why would it gross her out? She's seen her lovers blood before, on rare occasion spilled it herself. Finding out that they just bleed, casually, on a fairly regular basis as a part of their fertility cycles would both amaze and disturb her. We know her opinion on pregnancy and birth, so she'd find the reasoning behind menstruation to be pitiable, but the physical reality of it would be no less fascinating to her. Pour one out for any lover she has who isn't as comfortable with it as she is, because she fully will not understand their discomfort.

2 ) Gale isn't very good at sharing a kitchen. He's all too happy to cook for those he loves, be it romantic or platonic. In many ways it's an act of love and devotion, and it never feels like a chore to him even when he doesn't get much thanks.

He's less happy to have people cook for him, but he's mature enough to step aside. It'd be selfish of him to deny others the pleasure he sees in cooking, so as long as it's not too often he can accept it. Tho, in his youth I do imagine he was a picky eater, and his preference for cooking started there. Boy genuinely felt he was the best cook since he liked his food the best. Genius that one is.

His grace collapses when he's forced to share a space while cooking. Unless you remain out of arms length from him at all times he will make an annoyed little huff every time he sees you. It's not personal, you're just throwing off his groove. If frustrated enough he will simply grab your shoulders and move you out of his way. His ideal form of cooking together is him doing all the cooking, and you simply sitting in the corner talking to him, occasionally trying whatever he presents. It's a good thing.

3 ) Wyll actually has an unhinged story for just about every part of Baldur's Gate. I firmly believe we only got to hear a sliver of his stories in the game. I'm sure he knows not everyone wants to hear every detail, so he only shares what he thinks are the good bits. However, all you need to do to find out more is to ask him if he's been to that location before.

Oh to wander around the city with him on a lazy afternoon.

That fence? He was 12 when he climbed it, fell from near the top. His father was nearly beside himself, but a bush broke young Wyll's fall so he suffered no real injury. Just to his pride.

That tower outcropping? At only 8 years old young Wyll had wandered off, amazed at the view. Curled up in a little window hole, he fully missed the Fist hunting for him. Poor Ulder thought he'd been snatched away. Florrick found him asleep on the ledge, hours after he wandered off.

Keep him talking and you'll get nothing done. Wyll would thrive as a bard.

4 ) I think Halsin has large ebbs and flows in his libido. He's very sex positive, but I don't think that means he's hypersexual. He's had phases of his life where he certainly was, both before and after his drow capture, but it's not his baseline.

On the other hand he's had just as many phases of hyposexuality, sometimes lasting decades at a time. While I've used clinical language, he would not. To him his libido is simply obeying its own natural cycles, even though his highs and lows are more extreme than the average person may experience.

[inkymoonbunny]

Astarion x Tav Fic Recs

These are just some of my favorites! <3 Mix of during game and AUs

Epistles of Saints & Sinners @elegantduelliste - Soulmate Marks AU during game. Astarion recognizes Tav’s soulmate mark, it matches his own, but he's not going to tell her that; he can't have a soulmate, it's just one more thing Cazador has stolen from him. Tav is just as drawn to Astarion, but her own history has left her guarded and wary of being vulnerable. Elle’s writing of the push and pull of their relationship is breathtaking and heart-wrenching. Matching a bard Tav, Elle's prose takes on a lyrical quality and her use of imagery is unparalleled. 

The House of Astarion by Throckmorton420 - Labyrinth AU post-Elderbrain. Ascended Astarion lost interest in conquering Faerun once he came across the Labyrinth, it's much more his style anyway. Stealing Tav’s violin, he offers her a deal: solve his Labyrinth and he'll return her violin and grant her a wish. Realizing this is her opportunity to reconnect to the Weave, Tav agrees. Did I mention goostarion? Because there's goostarion! This fic is filled with mischief, whimsy, and so much heart. 

Fools' Work @semper-draca - Pre-Tadpole AU. Cazador has sent his spawn after a mysterious box and luckily for Astarion, his latest target happens to have a lead. It should be easy to seduce her and steal the prize! Too bad she’s not as naive as Astarion believes. This mercenary Tav is perceptive and delightfully unhinged that makes her a great matchup for a scheming Astarion. 

When the Dawn Breaks… @harcourtholmesii - set during game. Before Astarion was turned, he ignored his family’s disapproval of a Drow lover. Two hundred years later, Lavender has found the lover she grieved and believed dead. Astarion brushes away her questions but still sweeps her off her feet. He can’t believe his luck in finding a target that presumably knows him, one easy to lure back when he so desperately needs to keep in good graces with his master. 

Until You @bloodinwine - Post-Elderbrain with modern world AU flavor. Effy thought Astarion needed a friend more than a lover, so now here they are as roommates and definitely not hopelessly in love pining after one another. Effy struggles to fight her way free of self-destructive tendencies and be the person Astarion needs her to be. This Tav is a loveable hot mess! I have never wanted to take a character by the shoulders and shake them so badly, thank you June for spinning Effy into the world. 

Lacunae @karinamay - Series set during game. Tav was once Astarion’s target, but she slipped away. Upon meeting after the Nautiloid crash, she remembers but Astarion does not. This is the one that inspired me to start writing again. It’s sweet and heartbreaking and deliciously spicy!

Pour One Out @aevallare - Modern AU/1000 years post-Elderbrain. A spinoff from the much loved and fandom favorite Kindred featuring an anxious Auri that doesn't remember her past life and a tailor Astarion that's in awe of finding his love again. This is an Astarion that's had centuries to heal from his ordeal with Cazador, one that's been able to flourish in freedom. Astarion gets his chance to be a hero for Auri this time around. Aevallare's characterization of Astarion is absolutely unmatched.

All these fics are ongoing so you must be patient, but DO give them a read and the authors some love/kudos/comments!

[asexual-disaster]

‼️FHJY EP 2 SPOILERS ‼️

all my thoughts about episode two of junior year !! it’s a long one :)

The little scenes when they describe their attacks and moves where the minis are acting it out is so cute

‘A mega version of Riz’s mage hand’

They all look so good. But especially Ally and Murph omg

Adaine’s first turn was actually pretty sick

And Gorgugs wtf

AND KRISTENS TO MAKE IT BLOODED PLS

‘Do you have mass healing word? Would you be interested in doing that?’

‘Brennan you’re literally bullying us’

‘You can try, oh it does hit’

ARMOUR OF AYDA crying

These beans are DUE

Murph starting to roll like shit again

Fabian flirting with efac again

‘I punch the mirror’ ‘I punch Kristen twice’

Lou Nat one again to get out the van ‘I��m going to throw up’

In two turns Lou only needs a 2 to not get crushed by the van, and twice he rolls a nat one

‘For you to half or third or whatever you do since it has multiple attacks’

Adaine death fail instead of taking a Dex save wtf

‘You don’t have it written down! I thought you read the book’

ECAF NOOOO

‘Look somewhere else’

I need a full story of Balthazar and Duggan, THEY WERE LOVERS

Murphs sleeves being short enough to show off his tattoos, I might disintegrate

What is with these kids and crashing vehicles

Ally throwing their dice

‘With my wizarding powers and my absolutely fucked van’

‘Just don’t roll a one and this is over.’ ‘NAT 20’

Gorgug IS the greatest wizard of our time

DUGGAN NO. At least he’s with Balthazar now :(

Moggy the doggy crit <3

‘Can I get under that hood a lil bit’

‘Give me a tinkerers room check’ ‘I don’t have that’

‘It’s limp silk’

‘Fabian, photosynthesis is back!!’

It just ain’t the same

‘I don’t even cutting words. I just take it’

‘I’m feeling a little unhinged’

‘Love is love’

Gorgug double crit, my boy <3

The enemy rolling two Nat ones and shooting himself in the eye

Murph dying of laughter of these guys showing up late

‘Nat 20’ ‘are you serious?’ Balthazar is everywhere

Adaine would’ve got a job, Fabian would’ve gone to dance camp, Gorgug would’ve worked on his van ; THEYRE JUST KIDS

But Riz is just happy they got to spend the summer together STOP MY SON

‘I do a half hearted prayer of healing just because I don’t trust you’

‘This was supposed to be an in and out deal but I got involved and I regret it’

‘Hey girlie,,, heyyy girlieee’

HALLARIEL ART, UGH SHES SO HOT

Gilear x Hallerial wedding WHEN

There’s something so sad about Fabian, who’s been coddled his whole life, being abandoned and left to fend for himself in a massive house

SKLONDA MY FIRST AND ONLY LOVE

Sklonda talking to Riz about college and how she doesn’t know if she can afford it for him

Riz just wants to go to college with everyone stop :(( him and adaine are fine there grades are good, but he needs to make sure he finds a place that suits the others please!!!!

WILMA AND DIGBY I LOVE U !! THEYRE SO CUTE

WAIT DID GORGUG AND ZELDA BREAK UP?? THEY ARE NOT THE COUPLE THAT WAS MEANT TO SPLIT !! Although calling it rn they’re getting back together

‘The elven oracle, the Saint of mystery and doubt, and the archdevil of rebellion’ THATS MY GIRLS!!!

RAGH AND LYDIA ART I MIGHT SOB

Kristen never told anyone she changed gods (I guess twice now?), Fig still hasn’t been to a bard class. They’re so funny

WE GOT AYDA ART!!!!

Ayda leaving Fig fossils to say she loves her her!!

Aelwyn putting protective wards on adaines bedroom to keep adaine safe :((

Cassandra my love,, but also it should not be up to a literal child who has just came out a religious cult to keep you alive and all that.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Tav’s sex parade – Chapter 5: Let me bleed and drink me dry (Astarion x Tav)

(Trigger warning (18+): graphic description of sex, smut, anal sex, lap sex, anilingus, fellatio, pegging, biting, consensual submission, consensual blood drinking, consensual manhandling)

Notes: Chapter 3 of this fic is mentioned.

Over the past six month, the polyamorous little bunch of weirdos had settled into their dynamic.

Astarion observed every move with sharp eyes, sometimes still fearing that Tav would leave him. Despite his flirtatious nature, he wasn't interested in sexual adventures. He only desired Tav – and, for around two month, Gale, of all people. Since he and the wizard had connected their spirits in the Astral Planes, Astarion caught himself daydreaming to do it again. He was slightly pissed at himself. Usually, he had better taste.

It didn't escape the vampire spawn that Gale was slightly uncomfortable with the entire polyamorous thing too. He never joined in when offered a tumble in the sheets with anyone but Tav alone, but he liked to watch. So it came that Astarion and Gale sat on the side, sometimes with a hand down their own trousers, and observed how Tav, Halsin and Shadowheart went at it like rabbits. Admittedly, it was hot.

The druid was open for everyone, not minding who or how many of their group members joined in, and how any of his partners wanted to have him (Astarion's eyes had almost popped out of their sockets when Halsin had bent over and had let himself be pegged by Shadowheart for the first time).

Their cleric and now devotee of Selûne was an absolute freak in the sheets, with the most unhinged ideas with which Halsin and Tav usually went along. Astarion, on the other hand, was seriously scared of her BDSM tendencies. Thankfully, Shadowheart didn't seem sexually interested in him or Gale – nor in anyone else apart from Tav and Halsin.

Tav was sweet as always, spending time with all of them. One day per week was reserved solely for one of them. The rest of them were spent together, or however it took its course that week.

Astarion's day was reserved for kisses, touches, and cuddles. Tav would worship his body for hours while whispering praise. He was a sucker for it. It became a little tradition that, whenever the mood struck, Tav would walk in and tell him that she's his. She'd submit to him then, doing whatever the vampire spawn demanded from her. The bard knew Astarion needed assurance that she'd never leave him and that she was his. On those days, he ordered her to suck him off and eat him out. Without Tav's voluntary submission, he'd never had the courage to do so.

Today, was one of those nights. Tav walked in, smelling of Gale's lavender soap as usual, and kissed Astarion tenderly. Then, she said their key sentence to start their session.

"I'm yours today."

"On your knees, darling, and suck me off," Astarion demanded like every time, and as always, Tav obeyed immediately.

After coming down her throat, the vampire spawn bit his lips, slightly unsure. There was a fantasy that was plaguing his mind since they'd met after the nautiloid crash.

After obliterating the goblin camp, Astarion had caught Tav bathing in the river. As he'd gazed at her broad shoulders, muscular arms, and thick thighs, he'd gotten the desire to be picked up by her. To be manhandled and carried like a babe. And that fantasy had never left his mind. He'd never voiced it, too ashamed of it – until now.

"On your feet and pick me up."

Tav blinked at him, surprise written all over her face, but she complied. The bard got up, grabbed Astarion's hips and, as he hopped up and wrapped his long, skinny legs around her waist, held him up. With a grunt, she hoisted him higher, placing her surprisingly small hands under his rear. The vampire spawn threw his arms around her neck and burst into a giggle fit. Tav grinned at him. Of course, it was no problem for her to carry Astarion, even though he was taller than her.

"Is it to your liking?"

"It's even better than I've imagined."

"You imagined it? For how long?"

"Too long, darling. Now, kiss me."

She did and then, she walked forwards until Astarion's back hit the wall. He gasped at the impact, but the noise was swallowed by Tav's mouth when she kissed him. The vampire spawn moaned and heat pooled in his stomach.

"I wish I could take you like this," the bard revealed, slightly panting.

Astarion moaned at the thought and it spurned him on to voice another unfulfilled desire.

"You can, if I'm on the receiving end. And I'd let you."

Tav drew back to look at him, eyes wide.

"Really?"

"Yes," the vampire spawn whispered.

"Gods, you're amazing!"

The next kiss was almost a bit too harsh for Astarion's taste, but he let Tav take her fill. Other than him, she needed to breathe. When their lips parted and she gazed at him again, her pupils were blown, almost all of the green-brown colour had made space for the pitch-blackness of them. It drove Astarion wild.

"Lay me on the bed and make me feel loved."

Tav immediately obeyed, carrying him towards the bed, and placing him on it, as gently as possible. Astarion scooted backwards and spread his legs invitingly. Tav followed him and kissed him once more, before worshipping his body with her affection and touch. With a moan, Astarion lay down flat on his back and enjoyed the attention he was given. When she'd reached his genitals, she asked: "Blow job?"

"No." Astarion shook his head. "Anywhere else."

"Mhm."

Tav kissed his hipbone and then made her way down his left leg, kissing his inner thigh while stroking his knee. Astarion sighed happily, basking in the gentleness. He chuckled when the bard placed a peck on the arch of his foot. Then, she made her way back up, only to repeat the treatment on the other leg. As she worked her way back up, she stuck her tongue in his belly button and he squeaked.

"No! You know I'm ticklish!" Astarion complained with a laugh and Tav snickered.

"That's why it's fun to do it, love."

Before he could retort anything, she continued leaving a trail of kisses along his torso. The vampire spawn sighed again and closed his eyes. He felt warm, safe, and loved. Tav kissed the tip of his nose and then his forehead. She looked at him lovingly and awestruck.

"I know you know you're beautiful, but Gods... Your white curls that look silver-grey in the dark, your ruby-red, intense eyes, your soft skin as pale as the moon, those perfectly straight teeth, and the glint of fangs whenever you laugh or smile, the scars that prove that you're a survivor. Your sassy, flamboyant attitude, the way you're so incredibly flirtatious but get all shy when receiving praise, your big heart that tries to be kind, even though it's still tainted by bitterness because none of your prayers were ever heard. You are beautiful, Astarion. All of you."

The vampire spawn teared up, wrapped his arms tightly around Tav, and hid his face in the crook of her neck.

"What else do you want tonight?" the bard asked. "Tell me. Whatever it is, I'll give it to you."

Astarion shuddered and a small moan escaped him.

"Eat me out, and then, rail me with that glass phallus Shadowheart gifted you. I - I want it. Please."

"Yes," Tav whispered, kissing his forehead. "Anything you want, my love."

Astarion sobbed and tightened his arms around her.

"Gods! Fuck me so hard I can't think straight."

"If you want."

"I want," Astarion breathed. "I want it so badly. I want to be yours."

"You are as much mine as I am yours," Tav told him and kissed his forehead again.

"Just... just hurry. Please!"

Astarion started to wiggle around underneath her until Tav got off of him so that he could roll over. This time, the vampire spawn felt no shame when he got up on his knees and lifted his rear. The bard didn't give him a chance to get embarrassed either, she just started to eat him out without a comment. Astarion moaned into the pillow and rolled his hips. Tav opened him up slowly and carefully. She knew Astarion didn't have sex this way since he'd been abducted by the nautiloid. During their foursome with Halsin and Shadowheart, he hadn't let anyone near his backside – especially not the druid. He might had been more careful with the cleric too if he'd known of her impressive strap-on dildo collection. But fortune favours fools. Now, Astarion knew about it and didn't let anyone near him, except for Tav and, two months ago, Gale.

The vampire spawn climaxed with a guttural moan and collapsed onto the mattress. Tav kissed his tailbone.

"I go and grab the dildo," she informed him and he hummed in agreement.

She wasted no time and rummaged through her personal chest of drawers to get the tool. It was beautiful craftsmanship, the harness made of soft but sturdy black leather and the dildo of clear glass. The latter had some interesting knobs and jutting, spiralling ridges on it that caused a number of exciting stimulation when used. Tav warmed up the glass phallus in hot water for a few minutes, before returning to Astarion who hadn't moved the slightest. The bard donned the harness and coated the dildo liberally in oil. Then, she got on the bed again.

"How do you want me?" she asked Astarion who hesitated before answering: "I want to sit in your lap."

Tav was positively surprised and excited. She nodded and sat down on her knees, spreading her thighs wider. Astarion swallowed thickly and tried to keep the rising panic at bay.

"We don't have to do this if it's too much," Tav told him.

"I know, but I want it," Astarion confessed. 'I'm honestly desperate for it."

The bard smirked.

"Are you?"

Instead of an actual answer, the vampire spawn nodded with a serious face and straddled her. He took hold of the toy and sunk down on it slowly. He groaned at the intrusion. Astarion had almost forgotten how it felt.

"Good?" Tav checked in on him.

"Good," he panted.

The vampire spawn took in the last bit of the dildo until he was flush with Tav's pelvic. Astarion took a shuddering breath, gripping Tav's shoulders, as his legs trembled.

"Gods, I forgot how it feels," he panted.

Tav placed her hands on his hips, asking: "Too much?"

Astarion shook his head.

"Just... give me a moment."

As always, the bard let him take his time to do things. Astarion eventually started to move, riding her slowly, and Tav gave him full control over the situation. The vampire spawn panted against her neck.

"Let me drink from you."

With a hum, Tav tilted her head to the side in an invitation and Astarion sunk his fangs into her. He moaned as the familiar taste of her hot blood gushed over his tongue. He shook, almost reaching the peak of his orgasm. He tightened his arms around her with a wail. Astarion felt all-consumed by Tav; she was inside him, around him, her blood in his belly and on his tongue, her smell in his nose, her sweat and saliva on his skin. But he craved more.

"Bite me," he panted. "Consume me, make me yours."

When Tav buried her teeth in his neck and held him close, Astarion screamed and shook apart in an extreme climax. He slumped against her with his head on her shoulder, still moaning and panting frantically. With a hum, Tav caressed his back soothingly.

"You're so good to me," Astarion slurred.

"Anything for my love," the bard replied softly.

The vampire spawn sighed, sated.

Tav had bitten him hard, the way he'd wished, but she hadn't been able to draw blood. Her human teeth weren't sharp enough to pierce a vampire's skin.

"One day, I want you to drink from me," Astarion confessed. "I wish to see your teeth stained with my blood, and I want to taste myself on your tongue when I kiss you."

"Mmh, tempting," Tav whispered. "Do you know what effect this would have on me? Neither your blood nor your bite can turn me into a vampire, can it?"

"No, don't worry, darling. Drinking my blood won't have any effects on you."

"Then, I'll gladly do it."

"It's true what they say; to be an artist, one must be at least a tad bit crazy."

Tav snorted and grumbled: "Flattering, thanks."

Astarion grinned widely.

"You misunderstand me, darling. I love that you're an absolute freak."

The addressed rolled her eyes, but smirked amused. She held him close until he stopped trembling. Astarion rested on her shoulder, calm and sated, and he wished that they could stay like this for all eternity.

[themadlu]

OC ASK GAME

Tagged by @spacebarbarianweird – I'm happy you want to know more about my three idiots!

Zélie

What does it take to gain their trust?

Time and actions, mainly. Zélie is very private and doesn't easily open up to strangers; she may come off as cold and distant at first (well, she is), but if you stick around for long enough (months or even years) and if you prove actions are louder than words, she will open up.

2. In what scenario would they feel most uncomfortable?

Unfamiliar ones wherein she does not know the protocol. She gets stressed about making a faux pas since she tends to follow traditions to the letter. Being lied to is another major one; she despises trickery and lies and sees them as a coward's tools.

3. How do they act in their worst moments?

She closes off. She's already a pretty cold person to start with, but when she's angry or upset she becomes a rock, harsh and silent and just wants to be alone to do her own stuff. Approach her at your own peril.

Chiyo

What does it take to gain their trust?

Open-mindedness. She is a (looks like) half-drow raised in an isolated monastery of Ilmater by her own happy parents, so she's already a weird one by background only. Most other kids were scared of her; adult monks were cordial but found her corpse-grey skin and red eyes unsettling. She likes being on her own, however, so she doesn't mind people staying away; what she minds is being seen in a negative light only because of her heritage. And she doesn't suffer fools. Trust her with her story and she will trust you (moderately) in return.

2. In what scenario would they feel most uncomfortable?

She grew up in a pretty remote place surrounded by the same people every day, so busy places are a no-go (for now). She thought she'd love them, but her initial experiences were very overwhelming. She hates being underestimated too, so she'll exaggerate her drow traits to scare the shit out of those who demean her.

3. How do they act in their worst moments?

She does her best (and is pretty good at) keeping her cool in most situations – she trained as a monk of Ilmater since she was a baby, so she's seen plenty of shit going down. However, the drow (and something else) in her causes her to erupt at times of intense stress in new situations (e.g. a certain merc being a racist shithead). When that happens, run.

Fuji

What does it take to gain their trust?

Patience. Fuji is a lot and wouldn't change who she is (if it's not broken don't fix it), but she knows not everyone can stand her for long. So, if you can survive her constant need for entertainment, her hyperactivity and slightly (quite) unhinged but mostly well-meaning (for herself) moral compass, then congratulations. You've made an ally for life (unless her shenanigans kill you first).

2. In what scenario would they feel most uncomfortable?

Anywhere that reminds her of home. She's a drow from a very fanatic family, and she's seen the horrors Lolth's followers can cause. She herself had made her first fill by the age of five.

3. How do they act in their worst moments?

Angry or upset Fuji is a catastrophe waiting to happen. It takes a lot to get her this way and she's gotten a lot better since her Menzoberranzan days, but she's still prone to hurtful confrontation (both physical and vocal since she's a bard of swords) and all-around chaos. She may regret it later, but that's unlikely since she prefers to forget the past, live in the present and plan for the future (easy for her since she's only 60 years old, so she's got a few centuries ahead of her). She teaches Rolan a few tricks to calm down.

No pressure tagging @amywritesthings, @vixstarria (and @spacebarbarianweird if you wanna answer these XD) and anyone who'd like to share!

Questions:

What would push them to physical altercation or violence during an argument?

How do they take criticism?

How do they view death?

[your-absent-father]

~WIP INTRODUCTION~

All the great love stories

Progress: drafting

Genre: darkish romance, kind of everything also

Themes: love, the act of love, who is deserving of love, sacrifice, what is destiny, death, meaningness of death

Tropes: unhinged women, sun and moon couple, himbo male lead, unhappy ending

Content warning: gore, body modification, murder

All the great love stories is a six short story collection about love, tragic love to be exact. The settings change, characters motivations change but the end will always stay the same. You cannot change it. Even if you wanted to.

The short stories:

Villain of the kingdom

Lila Cane was going to die in two days. She was quite fine with that. She had had a good life with highest of highs and lowest of lows. She had experienced power no woman before her had experienced. With that power, she had had enemies more powerful than any man could ever get. Maybe there was a fascination to defeat the woman that killed the king and put so many of the most powerful men to her mercy. She had put up a good fight, one that bards would sing about for next few centuries. Now, as a captured woman of those who bested her, she can now die a villain’s death, like she had always meant to die.

Lila Cane, also known as the "mistress of the night", was the most powerful witch of the kingdom, killing dozens by just one swoop. Now, after the king's youngest daughter defeated her, she awaits for her death in a cage similar where she escaped years before, a castle a king put her in. She was ready to die, and give the new queen, her own half sister, the villain to kill off, until she meets a mysteriously kind guard who takes Lila by suprise.

The sound of gunshots

Someone shot the owner. That was the rumour going around town. Someone shot the owner of the local cabaret club. Just two bullets to the head and chest and he was gone. All of it felt like a Tuesday morning. There were more murders in the town than there were people coming in. Most people wondered why they left the body just to lay there in the sofa that became his resting place. More sensible killers would have gotten rid of the body. Only explanation was that the killer had been alone, and the heavy owner was too much to carry alone. That’s why everyone had come to the same conclusion: The killer was one of the performers.

The cabaret club Mistress is under inverstigation. The owner, sleezy guy whose hands never left a beautiful woman, had been found dead with three bullets trough his head. Every single person had been sure that one of the perfomers, miss Cane, the best singer of that side of the river, being one of the prime suspects. Everyone was sure, except a rookie cop Silas Altman, who has grown fond of Miss Cane. Some might even say that the fondness could lead Mister Altman too far in the world of jazz and vices.

Worst luck of the century

The letter sat on the doorstep with blood on the envelope. It was addressed to the king pin, the biggest the town had seen in centuries. Everyone was sure that it was a warning from the rival gang, warning that they were fighting to take over the city. The king pin already tried to attack them, but the men from the operation were nowhere to be seen. Maybe the war was already starting. People rushed to the kingpin’s office in panic. They feared the future, the war that would happen if the letter was what they feared.

One day, a bloody letter arrives to the most powerful man's office, after a missioin of espionage in his rivals party. Four men and his daughter were suppose to infiltrate into the society, kidnapping the rivals son being the goal. The letter recounts how it all went wrong, resulting to only one of the men being alive, waiting in terror and writing the last warning to his crime family back at home; do not let the daughter back into the family.

Last moment of color

Soulmates have always been real. It was just a normal fact you were taught at school or mentioned at a dinner table. One day you will find your soulmate and you had all the time in the world together, bonded together till their final breath. Lila Cane had always waited for those moments to start, looking at the red string she, like everyone else, had in their finger, that would lead her towards her soulmate. She had been happy, till a timer appeared to her arm.

Lila Cane always loved an idea of soulmates, especially the fact there was someone to her too. All of it changed when a timer appeared to her arm, that quickly became Lila's obsession. She needed to find her soulmate before the clock stopped ticking and she would stop at nothing to do so. Nothing.

Life beyond

People were starving, in every corner of the planet that was left sill holding on to the place that only wished for their death. The areas people could live were getting smaller and smaller, now with too many people to feed, even tough the population had been dropping since ever before. People needed solutions, someone to help in the doom that was waiting for them. The needed someone like the witch in the maze.

While all of earth seems to die, one place in the most deserted place in the earth, looks like nothing has happened. After a group of survivors come to ask for help, they come to see a maze made to keep everyone else out, and a cyborg more than happy to help to help them in.

Hero of the story

Lila Cane couldn't die.

Lila Cane has been locked away in her castle for years. She has been abandoned there for years now, but even without food or nothing else necessary, she is unable to die. So, she is rotting inside her tower, refusing to leave but being unable to die. Luckly, or unlucky to Lila, a young travaller, a bard named Silas Altman, accidently finds the tower and seems not be affected by the spells Lila throws at him.

Tag: WIP: atgls

Say if you want to join the taglist!

[themaskstayson]

Thinking about all my Dark Urges in a party together cause it can be a somewhat balanced party, in the sense of survivability but also so funny to write about.

Rynnil, the lolth-sworn drow oathbreaker.

Cyrus, the tiefling bard college of spirits.

Moondrop, the deep gnome shadow monk.

Varra, white dragonborn wild magic Sorcerer.

Varra is default durge but with body 1 cause I wanted him to be smaller lol He's the master mind of the group and Bhaal's special chosen baby. He's more incline to go with the flow and if that means follow the urges pretty hard-core with no regards of them being attacked... Oh well. He wouldn't help the goblins, though. Mostly because it would be a waste of a perfectly good blacksmith. He wants to fight Orin and take his power back but throughout the journey becomes conflicted with duty to Bhaal, his "family", and now his new found "family". He is the leader of Dark Urge group and co-leader when the combine groups with Wyll as the leader for origin characters.

(I played for about 20iah hours and I stopped because idk kissing as a dragonborn was kind of meh... I do love the white and red dragonborn design so much and I would bring Varra back for a multi-player game instead. He never left act one but he did get it in with Astarion.)

Rynnil is very resist the urge. He remembers a life before the cult and wants to break free and go back to it, or at least break free to have his freedom, now that he got a taste. He's very hands off with the group, letting them be gremlins until they cross a line like unaliving people in broad daylight for no good reason. They can't just do things like get the Grove closed off, how else would they sell the loot they're hoarding? He's still duty bound but by his own rules of wanting to keep his "family" safe. Socially he is not the greatest and relies on others for anything talking related. Also, while Rynnil is very resist the urge, by the time he gets to Baldur's Gate and realizes a few things he does go a bit back to the dark side and does things without care for his own well being.

(Rynnil was in a coop game and an honour mode one. In coop he romance Wyll and it was so cute. He was very duty bound and I broke his oath by accident in act 3 lol He was very much the silent type but easily won over by Wyll's romantic ways. Him and Astarion were besties.

In the honour mode, Rynnil was romancing Astarion but, by accident, they broke up and Rynnil got upset and started doing unhinged things like get the hammer and lie a lot about what he was doing. I got stressed and stopped the run, but I should continue for the dice at least..... He's also romancing Halsin, which is meh. Rynnil works best with Wyll imo just for the support and not having the need to "fix" someone else and get support to be a better person.)

Cyrus is the same as Varra and goes with the flow but WAAAAY more interested in the need to please daddy Bhaal and blood baths because it keeps the skin moisturized. He also would clock Astarion's flirting unlike Varra and Rynnil and he would find it cringe. He'll still sleep with him, though. Not cause he likes Astarion but he wants to see how cringe-y he gets with his lines. Cyrus would actually sleep with everyone, like a true bard. He's also the group's voice but Rynnil does keep him in line from doing anything too bad. Until later on where Rynnil doesn't seem the care about anything and Cyrus can make his own decisions without care.

(Plan for Cyrus was to use the polymod and romance everyone. I just... Never got around to it lol Cyrus wouldn't be so interested in Astarion but more so Lae'zel cause she's strong or Gale cause he's a wizard and powerful. Gale being depressed would be a turn off. Cyrus wants to cause chaos, or at least be unhinged enough.)

Moondrop is also resist the urges and trying to find inner peace. He's also one of the sassier members of the group and always judging everyone. The amount of time people go to him for advice is concerning to him. He also demands they have tea with their lunch and relax. He's very meh with the group. He doesn't see the others as his siblings at all, especially Varra and Cyrus for embracing the urges at times. Rynnil he is okay with but mostly cause the drow doesn't do much of anything and is a reliable fighter. Moondrop finds the origin characters to be very concerning about but would prefer if Wyll just lead the group alone since Varra cannot be trusted really.

(Moondrop I am trying to keep no mods with Script Extender to see if I can get Wyll to not be buggy and get one of the romance greetings and I really wanna see his kisses. I also wanna romance Adtarion cause the boy is racist against Gnomes and it would be funny. I can't play vanilla cause how the hell am I supposed to be a femboy with no cute faces?)

Regardless of barely playing with mods, the game somehow got corrupt.

In theory I can run a game with all 4 of them and have them romance someone but running the game twice was concerning... I don't know if I can run it 4 times to get them all lol

[stupidgtblog]

Lore Stuff number 1

Edit: forgot to tag @tineylittledude

I was gonna reply but I figured I should create a post to make it a series! BE WARNED this is literally infodumping. VERYYY MESSY. If you want something less unhinged, just read my actual stories when I update them!

SOOOO first let's start with

Why does Sylvia have the reputation she does?

OK, so VERY LOADED QUESTION but the best answer is mainly because she fostered it. If people are scared of you, they leave you alone. If people think you're a threat, they won't try and attack you. When people first became *aware* of her, she used to get absolutely tormented. Daily attempts on her life. So she decided to start spreading rumors about *herself.* Whenever a band of rogues came in search of glory, she gave them a story to spread (BY SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF THEM) and kind of feeding them lies? Telling people you've killed someone without actually killing anyone kind of has the same effect as doing the real thing???

EXAMPLE TIME!

"You're a bard, I see? Lyre and all." She said, like they were just having small talk, like she wasn't holding him in a single fist. She had the most casual expression on her face! She had to be crazy.

"Something I notice about bards is..." She began to pinch an arm between her fingers, raising it by the wrist. "They get really upset when I break their little hands." They sat in tense silence for way too while, before she burst into laughter.

"I just wish you could see the look on your face - it was like I was the devil!" Her grip loosened to somewhat secure, comfortable. "Look, I'll let you and your friends leave, but only if you tell people to stop trying to kill me. It isn't going to work, it's annoying, and if someone else tries again, I'll break their spine along with their hands. Deal?"

She'd never seen such a quick nod in her life. And then she was alone again.

--

A VERY EFFECTIVE METHOD! RUMOR SPREADS MEMETIC INFORMATION and now in passing you've heard you got another scary nickname! Bardbreaker. How metal.

Okay now for number two :3

Why is magic outlawed?

This is a more lore-intense answer. Magic is outlawed specifically for women (no girlbossing allowed.) For some background...

Sylvia lives in a magically-enhanced (NOT enchanted - enhanced. For agricultural purposes!) forest, ever-so-creatively named the Tallwoods! The Tallwoods was a █████ Single-Man Effort caused by the tireless and intensive work of ████ one of the brightest young minds in the magical field, ████████████ and Brantley Rosenberg!

Okay, so the main event that caused this was after the project was complete, and Brantley (after rising significantly in status after basically doubling the kingdom's economy) goes to the king himself. Brantley then complains to said king about women in magic because he sucks. He complains about miscellaneous feminine influences by female 'subordinates' of his which basically effed up the Tallwoods. It was still good, but it could've been great. He then goes on to talk about how this effect was reflected in the Tallwoods, but felt in the entire magical field. King then gets pissed off and outlaws female magic, which then gets a new name, witchcraft. Magicians weren't just Mages anymore. Men were Mages, and women were witches.

OKAY, THATS IT!!! I hope I answered your questions :3 THANK YOU FOR ASKING I APPRECIATE IT <3333

[obscurecharactershowdown]

Bonus Bracket, Round 2

[image ID: the first image is of Krummhorn, a short, fat goblin with bright green skin and shoulder length black hair. he's wearing a purple doublet with hot pink stripes, a purple shirt, dark purple breeches, a purple hat with a gray feather in it, brown boots, a bandolier, and a rapier in his belt. he's carrying an instrument case. the second image is of Lamar, a green and yellow pterodactyl with a very tired expression. he's wearing a nametag, a nurse's cap, and behind him are a number of IV bags. end ID]

Krummhorn

by @officialjamesflint Krummhorn is the most legendary/notorious of my TTRPG characters and I need everyone to know about him and appreciate him. He's a goblin bard who's probably the most wild character I've ever played and I love him so much. He started adventuring because he met a celebrity and decided that they were soulmates and then went off on a quest to find his soulmate (so parasocial relationships taken to a deeply absurd level). Once that quest ended in despair (for Krummhorn), he became absolutely unhinged and lost all sense of danger. Currently he is a pirate with the rest of the party! Other important facts: -Plays the hurdy-gurdy -Has an ancestry trait that allows him to eat anything without being harmed and WILL use it (once he ate some food out of the garbage and got attacked by ants) -Canonically is always wearing a ladybug costume -Collects crossbows -Gay -Is named after a Renaissance instrument! I may be a music history nerd

Lamar

a pterodactyl danny daydreamed about on a date. when he’s tired of flying he drives a car. he’s a nurse and his job is on the line because he’s gonna be late. he has a wife but she is always treating him poorly. he will probably have to go back to night school :( 

[spearzreloaded]

NXT Heatwave 2k24 #CVReview

Even though Kelani had a hiccup when she hit the splits on her intro into the ring, Kelani didn't have any other visible mistakes throughout the match where she retained against Sol Ruca.

The hype package prior to the match expertly delivered a story about two gymnasts (I had no idea Sol Ruca was a gymnast before this or that Jordan was All-American at Michigan State) who are strong NXT prospects vieing for the N.A. title.

The angle of Jordan's "Battleground" where her ladder tipped when she grabbed the belt I thought was telling. Thankfully it wasn't.

The match started off evenly, Until Ruca missed her finisher and Kelani landed a crossbody off the top then missed her finisher that has her rolling through the air like Sonic The Hedgehog.

Kelani easily broke out of two holds from Sol - one full body, the other a grounded claw.

Other than that there wasn't really too many other memorable spots in the match up as Sol did her job to enhance the champ as much as possible while not dousing her fire as she continued to blaze her trail through NXT Heatwave.

***

The NXT Women's title defense between Perez and Vice was a sloppy one. Perez retained off of pure chance, absorbing the enchancement blows of Vice - primarily from her legs and feet.

Vice's mid-match twerk taunts have become incredibly annoying. The match did not turn around when Vice performed a running hip attack, the match turned around when Vice accidentally backhanded the outside ring post.

The whole match was designed around Perez watching out for Vice's MMA-trained backhand, which was a weak gimmick.

Perez rolled out from the backhand attack once and got rolled out the ring forcefully once it connected.

Still, Vice's backhand was not at full strength given the ring post spot and Perez became more and more unhinged throughout the match, trying to further injure Vice's hands and wrists while delivering Pop Rocks in and out the ring - the better spot being with the finisher being hit on the announce table

while the worse spot was the last Pop Rocks which was halfway delivered while Lola Vice visibly took her leg off the rope with force.

No mistake behind that, Vice gave up the match and it did not look convincing. Just sloppy. And that's how you end a weekend in Canada where the WWE Universe will now rethink if they should ever return that far up North of the Border again.

-

C.V.R. The Bard

7th/Jul.2k24

[weirdlet]

That was an interesting session.

We started off in media res, in the middle of the battle we'd left off in after last time. Surrounded on the deck of a ship built of bones, fighting Talos Anchorite cultists, our cleric paralyzed, our wizard down below convincing the soul of the (un)living ship to rebel, our health starting to get low.

First up, the barbarian tortle crawls back up on the deck, snatches the one-winged roc around the neck, and drags it down under. This thing has been trying to prise open his shell like an oyster for like four rounds, because apparently rocs are the tortle's natural predator/tortles are the roc's natural prey. But by golly, between the roc's unhinged stubbornness and Trinidad's natural swim-speed, we're about to see some shit go down out of that Farside cartoon with the frog strangling the crane trying to swallow it.

Eventually Carver gets unparalyzed- that first round seemed to take for absolute ever, and then getting free was the only thing he could do for another several rounds while things shot at him and, in fact, lightning-bolted him in the face.

I spent the majority of this fight yoyoing up and down from three hitpoints, people.

But his second and last Channel Divinity (Preserve Life) of the day gets parceled out to each party member he can see, and in the midst of the chaos, the dice may not like us but they like the cultists even less. We are- just barely- surviving as we get stabbed and shot at, and meanwhile as our wizard and the NPC bard she rescued keep convincing the death knight that runs the boat to take a vacation, the boat starts lurching and things start exploding in the powder keg. We cut it down to the wire, the last round dancing on the edge of a knife of whether we take out these cultists or die ourselves ignominiously.

The death knight steps up on deck. Says fuck you Myrkull, but fuck Talos even more- and then an avatar of Talos shows up, lifting the boat a hundred feet in the air and twisting it in his hands because, as the roar of the storm states, the cult of Myrkull cannot be permitted to have it. Which is fine and good, but we are all very bleedy and not prepared to fly- but as the death-knight launches himself into the avatar of Talos, Sorianna Feather-Fall's us all and we make it safely to the rocks, where Trinidad eventually joins us after having drowned the roc in the stormy sea.

'Well there's somethin' ya don't see every day.'

Dragging ourselves back to shore, we find the orphaned kids of the devastated village, comfort them and patch ourselves as best we can. A little bit from every household is set into a boat and burned at sea, while the family names are put on a marker to commemorate the poor fishing village that was destroyed by necromancers and sahaugain. Tenth level hits while we're resting.

The kids come back with us to Leilon- they're immediately adopted by the orcish trossfrau. Carver goes home to Glory, Trinidad to his orcwife, and the rest are handling fallout as best they can. It turns out that the local cult-members of Myrkull and Talos were burned out- literally- by the priests of Lathandar who have been trying to set themselves up as local religious authority. We don't- actually have wild objections to the act, we have some serious worries about how they took it upon themselves to. Alain the revenant of Alistair shows up in their rooms in the middle of the night, scaring the everloving crap out of them and extracting promises to not do shit like that again, leaving them in damp beds crying to Lathandar to forgive their over-zealousness.

One of the things that we found after the fight was a journal stating the date, time and location of the imminent raising of Ebondeath as a dracolich. We've got about thirty days, one week of which we spend in our town, getting ready, leaving notice about how we're going off to fight a terrible evil and we may not be back.

The night before we're to leave, each of us has- a dream. Each one is different, but Carver's is of being born of a mass of flesh, of being evil from birth- and asked to describe the life he lives from there. I am- not as articulate as I would like, despite having spilled ink to myself over the homework assignment of 'what if your character went evil' because that was all predicated on going evil from the point they're at now. But there is mention of being a torturer and bodybreaker, of having no compunctions about breaking whoever is in front of him to get what he wants, doing unto others before they do unto him, etc.

Carver wakes, shaking and sick, before steeling himself and breathing through a mantra, allowing himself to acknowledge how upset it made him while reassuring himself that it wasn't real- and what was true, was in the past. Glory sleeps right through it all.

And then the DM has me roll on a chart.

The chart is titled Madness of Baphomet. I get an 86; “I see those who oppose me not as people, but beasts meant to be preyed upon.” Which, fitting for the past I've designed for him. But apparently there is now a darkness upon him, on all of us, which may be invoked at a later date.

The next morning, we say our goodbyes, and head off to the Swamp of Dead Men.

[cinematicendevaourz]

Aja's "Never Let Go" is a surprising masterclass in the psychology behind single mother raised adolescents in the U.S. - particularly in the negroid sector. Everything is there : from the ropes used as umbilical cords to the main character's house to Halle Berry's starring role being known only as "Momma" to the son husband portrayed by Anthony B. Jenkins playing that tragic, Oedipical role that not even Shakespeare could have dreamt of when he wrote Hamlet. The jump scare with the corpse at the top of the film is the most interesting point of the first twenty minutes, but after the first "family road trip" is when Aja's joint really starts to shine. I haven't seen Berry this unhinged since "Gothika" or this bad of a parental figure since "Monster's Ball". "Never Let Go" makes it so easy to forget that Berry was ever a sex symbol. She doesn't even carry the milf traits she did in "Kidnap" or "Kings" and that plays into the story of the saga of the single mother once that "hot girl summer" has reached it's sunset. It's pure comedy to watch her struggle to feed her kids than to actually find a man to support her since this happens so much off screen. But some points are chilling. To see a dog's value in a U.S. negroid household in a 2024 film shows just how deep European colonization has affected the minds of such family units. When the kids are asked "where are your folks?" in scenes, the children only refer to their mother. The brokeness. The abuse. The hereditary mental illness that should give anyone pause about the thought of reproducing and yet, "Momma" has two kids to drag through this horror.

I found myself empathizing with Daggs IV's Nolan character the most. Growing up in a single mother household myself for the duration of my life, I was rooting for Nolan to get into the arms of DCFS through the latter half of the film. Foster care is no picnic, but from this picture to my own personal upbringing, anything is better than being raised in the U.S. by a single black Boomer mother, and Aja is able to get that message across as intended in "Never Let Go" - essential therapeudic viewing for single mother raised males. It's not guaranterd to put hair on your chest after the credits roll, but "Never Let Go" is a step in the right direction for the modern blaxplotative cinema.

C.V.R. The Bard 28th/Sept.2k24

[hangingfire]

The Chad Chronicles: a BG3 Dark Urge playthrough

(Note: Earlier versions of parts 1 and 2 were originally posted over on Reddit. I've decided to do my updates over here, going forward.)

There will be spoilers. Proceed accordingly.

Part 1. Character creation and the prologue

My first completed run in Baldur's Gate 3 was with a cheerfully chaotic good tiefling rogue, who got all the good endings except for the characters who inadvertently got killed along the way (Lae'zel, Minthara, Jaheira, Minsc). My second run, close to being done, is a Resist the Dark Urge game with Nimue, a snarky, selfish drow bard who has slowly become a Big Damn Hero.

I actually didn't plan on Nimue becoming a Big Damn Hero, but she has gradually become a better person because I, as a player, struggle with making anything other than goody-two-shoes choices. After a couple of very likable NPCs ended up dead at the beginning of Act I, she started to change (because I felt really bad about it).

But I'm curious about what a true Embrace the Dark Urge run would look like, and it finally hit me: if I'm going to play a version of the game in which everyone, including my character, ends up as their absolute worst selves, I have to run it with a character who looks like someone I would really like to kick in the nuts.

Meet Chad.

Chad is a human fighter who I've been told looks like "Gortash's shitty cousin". He is terrible.

This is his dream visitor:

We'll call her Stacy.

(The joke for those in the know is that [REDACTED] knew that the best way to get to Chad was to appear to him as a hot elf girl.)

So. Here we go.

The prologue proceeds more or less as normal—Chad even rescues Us before teaming up with Lae'zel and rescuing Shadowheart from the pod. In the helm room of the nautiloid, Chad decides to fight the demon for his sword and gets knocked out for his trouble. Meanwhile the girls fix the transponder, and then everything goes boom. End of prologue.

Chad takes a long rest immediately after the nautiloid crash, during which he has many murdery thoughts that he doesn't understand ... but that he kind of likes. When he wakes up, the unconscious Shadowheart is gone from the beach—he won't encounter and recruit her until he finally gets to the Emerald Grove. But before that, there are bodies on the beach to loot and creatures to kill.

Right from the start, it's clear that Chad is not the sharpest knife in the box.

(I intend to respec him at the first opportunity, turning his INT and WIS into dump stats so that I can boost his CHA.)

Clearly this is going to go well.

Part 2. Oh, rats

I laid down a few guiding principles to keep in mind for Chad's action and dialogue options:

He picks the most selfish and mercenary choices in any given dialogue or scenario, but it's even odds on whether they're going to be callously pragmatic or just stupid. (In other words: which option do I think will generate the darkest comedy.)

He will also use Intimidation over Persuasion at least half the time, depending on what he's trying to get out of a person (and also depending on whether that person is a pretty girl or not).

He is actually nice to most animals (cats, birds, dogs, livestock) and thinks that makes him an Okay Guy, but he hates rats and bugs.

As the game progresses, he will get increasingly more unhinged and murdery.

After the mop-up operation around the nautiloid, Chad heads out to find his fortune. He hits it off with Astarion, murders a couple of tieflings to recruit Lae'zel, and does not cut off Gale's hand, since a smart magic guy is useful. Very quickly he has a party of people who are useful, or hot, or both.

When he gets to the Grove, he kicks some goblin ass (though really it's Lae'zel and Astarion who do most of the work). He nearly punches out Aradin, then talks to Zevlor and learns about Kagha, then goes to talk to her. On the way, he finally recruits Shadowheart and bullies some kids. He manages to save Arabella more or less by accident, and after talking to Kagha, he agrees to escort the tieflings out of the grove if the druids will pay him enough.

And then, because he makes dumb choices and hates rats, I had him pick up one of the rats and huck it across the room like he's in a shot-put competition.

(Yes, I know what the rats in the Grove really are, from previous runs. That may or may not have been a factor in my decision.)

Cue aggro from the druids. The party manages to take out Kagha and one of her underlings, but the other druids all rush off and when the party emerges from the cave, they discover that the druids have massacred the tieflings. Wyll (who Chad hadn't even spoken to yet) is among the dead. No Blade of the Frontiers for Chad.

Whoops.

(Wyll would hate his guts anyway.)

Plus the druids are all aggro at the party and the whole-ass grove has gone red in the minimap.

Double whoops.

The party manages to hightail it out of the grove without getting attacked and has their fight with the True Souls on the road, and that's when I decide I'm done with him for the night.

Chad's adventure has gotten off to a ripping start.

[judejynerso]

Geralt x Jaskier ficrecs

MY FAVORITES

Title: Woodash and iron and leather Rating: E Word Count: 9,874 Summary: Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear.

Title:  With a Conquering Air Rating: E Word Count: 27,880 Summary: From the kinkmeme: AU Warlord!Geralt receives Tribute!Jaskier as a sacrifice to appease him in every way possible. Jaskier has no choice on the matter and he’s fully aware of the awful rumours that have spread about Geralt and his ruthless conquests. (But we all know those aren’t legit.) A classic angst with a happy ending please! A dash of smut to heal those scars and a sprinkle of new found love!Jaskier arrives at Kaer Morhen knowing his family gave him up without a second thought, and absolutely sure that the dreaded Warlord of the North will value him even less than his own blood did. But the White Wolf and his pack are not what Jaskier expected...and if he's unreasonably lucky, Kaer Morhen might become far more of a home than Lettenhove ever was.

Title: home is nowhere, therefore you Rating: E Word Count: 18,134 Summary:  "Right, well," Jaskier says, when he halts before Geralt. Up close, he looks much more nervous. There is sweat on his brow and his collar is damp with it, and his teeth keep catching on his lower lip. "True love's kiss. There's—ah—there's nothing to it." And he bends, the utter imbecile, and kisses Geralt full on the mouth.  

Title:  The Witcher Wolf Rating: T Word Count: 11,448 Summary: It’s been two weeks since Geralt shouted Jaskier away from him on that mountain and Jaskier has been handling it like a champ by forlornly wandering alone in the wilderness with his lute. When he (literally) stumbles across an injured white wolf he decides to take a chance and see if he can help it, appreciating the irony of the situation but not quite realizing why it is that the wolf’s golden eyes look exactly like his Witcher’s...Inspired by @kayivy's lovely art on tumblr.

Title:  A Dandelion By Any Other Name   Rating: G Word Count: 3,745 Summary: Jaskier is throwing up flowers and refuses to tell Geralt who has afflicted him so. As Geralt grapples with Jaskier's impending death, he comes to terms with a few things himself.//“Who’s the unlucky woman?” Geralt asks, stepping into the firelight. Jaskier starts, dandelions spilling from his hands. He hastily brushes them away. “Gods, Geralt, must you always sneak up on me? This is why you have an image problem, you know. Don’t get me wrong, the whole tall, dark, and murderous vibe is fantastic -- really brings out the color of your eyes -- but the skulking tips you firmly into the realm of, well, somewhat unhinged.” Geralt only glares at Jaskier, waiting for him to tire himself out, and sets about roasting the fowl.“Anyway, killing my beloved won’t cure me,” Jaskier continues blithely, “so don’t even think about it. Not all problems can be solved by whacking away at them with those oversized butter knives you carry around.” He settles cross-legged next to the fire with his lute balanced across his knees and strums a few chords.

Title:  Weak, My Love, and I Am Wanting Rating: T Word Count: 2,443 Summary: Jaskier has written a lot of ballads about some woman who has stolen his heart. The thing is, he's been on the road with Geralt for the past month. He hasn't had any time to court a woman, much less have his heart broken by her. So who is this woman? The answer may shock you.//“There’s no lady,” Geralt says.Jaskier trails off. “Well, of course not,” he says instead. “I imagine a woman would take grave offense to the frequency with which we give our patronage to brothels, not to mention your unseemly habit of bathing in monster blood and other revolting gunk.” He wrinkles his nose. “Perhaps I should write an ode to your masterful powers of observation next.”“But you were talking about a woman tonight,” Geralt continues, ignoring Jaskier entirely.

Title: The Sweetest Poison Rating: M Word Count: 5,630 Summary: “And what do you want in return?  Your freedom? Your safety?”Jaskier didn’t flinch from her scorn and Geralt could see his knuckles go white with the force of his grip around the small vial.  “Save him.”The mage stared at him for a beat before letting out a burst of laughter that echoed off the wall like the flutter of vultures wings.  “All this trouble for the Witcher?” she asked incredulously, “Tell me, boy, do you really think he would do the same for you? That he cares at all what happens to the bard who follows after him like a lost puppy?”  She stepped forward, confident as a soldier preparing his death blow. “Oh, I know who you are, bard. I watched you trailing after the Witcher, eager for every scrap of affection or interest he’ll toss your way. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”Jaskier was breathing heavily now, jaw clenched tight enough that Geralt could see the muscles fluttering with effort.“Were you hoping this ill-conceived rescue mission would be enough to make him finally notice you?” she murmured with a mocking smile, “Poor little bard--always singing of love but never truly experiencing it.”

Title: live to tell Rating: E Word Count: 4,320 Summary: After what'd happened the first time Jaskier had dragged Geralt to some kind of royal ball as his bodyguard, Geralt really should’ve known better than to agree to do it a second time.

Title: unexpected outcomes; Rating: E Word Count: 3,225 Summary: "Get up here," he said like it was no big deal. Jaskier opened his mouth, closed it. "What?" he said eventually."You're obviously not going to be able to sleep down there," Geralt said. "The bed is big enough for two."/Geralt and Jaskier share a bed. Chaos ensues.

Title:  A Blessing, A Curse Rating: E Word Count: 12,672 Summary: "For a while, Jaskier doesn’t know he’s cursed. It feels like free will, going back down that mountain, just as dangerous down as the way up, and alone this time, too. The descent is fast, maybe even reckless, but Jaskier’s feeling numb and out-of-sorts anyways, Geralt’s words simmering in his mind, and at the time it doesn’t feel like he’s being pulled on by anything but his own desire to get away."Based off a post that Geralt's words on the mountain are granted by the djinn.

ART IS BY DARIA

[ereborne]

The Animorphs as a D&D adventuring party:

Like all of them, Jake starts off looking like a standard fighter (the thing about a ‘standard fighter’ being that at first level, it just looks like any other kid).  Nobody’s equipment really improves in any visible way as they level up, but Jake does gradually gain an unmistakable paladin aura. He does three accidental inspires and a lay-on-hands before he believes his friends when they tell him he isn't just a fighter after all.

Even at higher levels, Rachel doesn't look like anything in particular, outside of battle. Just a pretty, possibly noble, girl. Most people assume she's a mage of some sort--until they witness her raging through a battle, or she has one too many ales and starts trying to explain again why her real favored weapon is her enemy's own severed arm (quick improv weapon, devastates morale, extends reach, can be used as club or flail, 'stop hitting yourself', ‘handy’).

Cassie looks like a druid--leaves in her hair, fur and feathers and bones in her clothes--but she's actually a cleric. Opponents who might be prepared for her transformation into a wolf are horribly surprised when she smiles beatifically and murmurs something about the beauty of nature, and then gains rhino skin and wolf fangs without ever losing her opposable thumbs.

Tobias started off as a ranger and then took a sudden swoop into druid when he picked up a curse. Yes, it was inconvenient at first--his carry weight is still shit--but his speed is fantastic, and just try escaping a man who has Improved Tracking and hawk eyes both.

Marco seems like a rogue at first glance, but actually he’s a bard with Perform:  Shit-Talking.  The thing about a bunch of blood-splattered teens with too-sharp teeth all laughing about their own deaths in the middle of battle is that it can actually buff the party and debuff enemies at the same time.

Ax is half-Outsider.  Not aasimar or tiefling--this party is entirely too unhinged for that.  Half-Protean, Chaos-touched.  A natural shapeshifter, and weird as absolute fuck.  He eats with his feet.  Nobody can tell his class by observation, but actually, he’s the only standard fighter in the bunch.  Favored weapon:  tail-knife.  He insists that’s very normal where he’s from.