#she should have talked to somebody
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I feel like I need to vomit but I physically can't
#js remembered my online friend is gone#like i know for sure now#she's dead#she ended her own life#my mind cannot grapple something so terrible happening#she should have talked to somebody#I knew she was struggling and I knew it was bad#and I tried my best to support her#She'd attempted before so I thought maybe the people in her life would keep an eye on her#but she hated herself so much that she ended her life#I couldn't even cry#I just felt sick#physically#like I wanted to vomit#the kind of feeling you get before you go on a rollercoaster#sick#dizzy#a rock in your stomach growing#I dunno#I'm okay tho#it was only momentary.#yuck#I miss her#sm#I miss my May#:(#oh! Long ass tag list mb gang#vent moment#vent#I don't even remember the last time I vomited
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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I really truly, from the bottom of my heart, hate you bitches so much, because on the tiktok of literally COCK AND BALL jokes w brittany broski, there were a few notes/messages like this:
And I KNOW you don't think anyone's going to check. You had someone go into your askbox and say "hiii brittany broski is shitty about palestine she's really ignorant :/" and you went oh omg I didn't know!! thanks for telling me! So I checked! This is in reference to her talking in her podcast, because people were asking why she hadn't done any big press statements about Palestine, you didn't retweet this or that, you must not care, don't you care, what's your stance, etc etc please say more OKAY COOL. So what's going on there? What did Brittany say on her podcast? Is she a Bad Person? Can I have some transcript, please? ____ "Hey guys, before we get into this week's episode, I want to talk to you about the ongoing and prolonged suffering and loss of life in Gaza, in Israel, and the oppression of Palestinian people widespread. I don't ever want it to be a question that I would ever not be against the oppression of any group of people, that I would ever stand on the side of the oppressor." "There was a lot of fear of misusing my platform." ... "I will admit that I was nervous to talk about it, because I don't want to say the wrong thing. And this is too fucking serious of an issue to misspeak, or to spread misinformation, or to speak over or for someone." ... "So I want to take a moment on my biggest platform- which is this podcast, to say that I stand with the people of Palestine, I stand for the liberation of Palestinian people." ... "Every day, to log on to social media, and be just inundated with graphic, unimaginable violence, and loss, and grief, it's just--There are no words." ... "And I feel helpless. That's part of it too, when you feel helpless, the last thing you want to do is talk to people about it-- but visibility is a resource in and of itself. And I can offer that." ... "The outpouring of rage and passion online, and anger at what's happening, I would argue needs to be dedicated and focused on our elected officials. We live in a democracy- albeit an inherently flawed one- we live in a democracy where we have elected officials who were elected and put in power to represent us, and if we feel misrepresented, if we feel underrepresented in foreign affairs? These officials have public phone numbers and emails. There are scripts available online to express your disdain and your rage, and unfortunately that's one of the only ways we'll see actionable change." "If you expected more from me, it's a terrible feeling- but I don't want to center myself, this needs to be all eyes on Palestine right now, where the real activism is happening. I would encourage you to follow journalists that are on the ground, people who are in Gaza, we need to be listening to them. I would also hope that we're at a point in this conversation where I can express my desire to stand in solidarity with the people of Palestine and that NOT meaning or suggesting or condoning anti-Semitism of any kind. There's a rise of anti-Semitism and islamophobia in the United States and it's just-- it's disgusting, and it's scary, so I want that to be said too. I just wanted to share that I am experiencing part of this collective sense of helplessness and hopelessness-- but it DOESN'T HAVE to be hopeless. I'm going to include a phone number in the description of this episode where, if you don't know the name of your senators or your Congressman, it's never too late to learn, and you can reach out to them." _______ Hm. What a bitch!! Yeah, just so ignorant and uncaring. Obviously she's not keeping up with anything. Should've retweeted more shit ig!
#sergle.txt#I will turn off reblogs on this so fucking fast I swear to god. I have a gun. I needed to complain about this#up in my notes and my asks bc you already didn't like somebody and you believe what ppl say on anon indiscriminately.#so what I'm hearing is she didn't talk about it enough / didn't put out statements soon enough. I see.#basically a criminal offense. she should get the electric chair ig#god I mean. if my thing was comedy and I had a big audience I don't think I'd know how/when/if to do basically a#Press Conference on Literal Genocide or if I should not make it about me and my thoughts? but do shit in the small ways I can#what do you even say... I think what she said here makes sense. but maybe I'm not reading it with enough bad faith#like oh my god. OH MY GOD#so no I'm not gonna delete the clips I posted what. the fuck are we talking about#''she was frustrated on ig stories that ppl were messaging her to put out a statement'' yeah... yeah. frustration. in response to so much#bad faith directed at you. hundreds of thousands of people all saying shit At You like it all rests on you#and being told to say these words so if you say them they will be empty. myeah what a bitch basically#I personally would not experience a human emotion in response to this.
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Already said this but since everybody is too busy on the failmance happening im gonna say it again: Vi starting their confrontation by saying “never thought [my sister] would orphan kids” only to be stopped from killing jinx. By an orphan kid.
#its about how jinx specifically calls vi her sister. thats WHY she has to kill her she wont balk from that#but vi disowns her as a sister (crazy bc she was her only blood family but thats nbd in zaun) bc thats the only way she can kill jinx#vi just GASSED zaun and is a COP now jinx should be disowning her#it wouldve been SO good if jinx flipped the s1 finale situation#and started asking what vander or mylo or claggor would think while wearing his stolen goggles#if vi wasnt so hot yall would actually call out her bad decisions or red flags but go off ig#bc this scene is also after she watched jayve KILL a kid. not even orphan one! and she was LITERALLY like ‘so? kids be dying.’#anyway the fact that isha is also aware of cait trying to shoot jinx so she hugs her. puts her head in the mf WAY on purpose#and vi has to have the same moment as jayce. ‘what have we done’ you became the very thing you swore to hate sweetheart :))#to have a child from zaun. your home btw. look at you in an enforcer uniform and shes full of fear and rightous fury.#its that day on the bridge again. vi had that same look in her eyes when vander carried her away. when did her lines and her values become#so easy to sway. well bc she loves someone of course. but she betrays you too. i can only laugh#its stupid bc s1 jinx is literally only doing what vi grew up wanting to do for vander. like actually.#bc its the same that they cannot steal from topside so it wouldve meant stealing and fighting and eventually killing people in oposition#like your sister was building nail bombs at 9 years old. you encouraged her. ‘theyll work eventually’ and then she kills and vis like 😰😰🤢🤢#bc she only sees silco. ugh kill me#can somebody talk about THEM please yknow one of the main focuses of the show#arcane#netflix arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers
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FilmCooper should actually stop making videos on serious topics. He has a lot of shit takes on sensitive matters. There's this intense "guy who paints his nails to seem progressive" energy. I don't think he is a horrible person per se, but he is not as nuanced as he tries to come off as. Saying Justin Baldoni should have just "sucked it up" because he asked an important question to keep himself safe from injuries? Man, you should sit this one out. And the comments about Chappell Roan releasing statements telling people to stop stalking her as "statements after statements" "like 30 posts" is very weird from someone who bends over backwards to defend women because he is the only doing "some research" and looking at stuff from a different angle. Honestly, if being wrong multiple times in the expanse of one video was a tournament, his video would be the top contender.
#Film cooper#Blake lively#justin baldoni#His newest video at 27:35 is where he says Justin should have just sucked it up#Chappell Roan#The whole thing is so bizarre and every word from his mouth keeps making the video worse#He contradicts himself so many times and is absolutely unaware of it while saying somebody else is being insensitive#I am typing this post as I am listening to the video and jesus#This is not coherent at all. I am just#I will be honest I am not surprised by his behaviour#About like 6 months ago or maybe there was one AITA video or something he did and he had so many terrible takes and I just stopped watching#him for a while and people did point it out but I never heard anyone talk about it again#'I am not a Blake Lively fan. I don't like her. I think she's tone deaf'#<- Proceeds to defend her the entire video. Is tone deaf to Baldoni's understandable health concern. tries to frame the interviewer body-#-shamed by Lively as a clout chaser. says Chappell Roan's multiple statements are silly and too much.#Trying to frame actual criticism of Lively as 'nobody would hate her humour if she was a man'#Oh my god. my brain actually hurts more and yesterday I had to wade through comments saying South Asians aren't ethnically Asians
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My mom was telling her cousin her cat's litter box has to be cleaned frequently, to which she replied "she's an animal, she doesn't need it" 🙃
#she also doest brush her cat (despite it being a hairy persian) nor trims her nails#she complains about the cat scratching the furniture but doesnt provide her a scratcher#doest play with her nor give her toys#told me I needed a baby because I talked with her cat with a cute voice#oh and they had six whole dogs before the cat#no not at the same time#they would buy a dog#decide it was not for them#give the dog to somebody else#and buy a dog from a different breed#six fucking times#before they decided to get a cat#and they dont take care of her#it should be illegal for them to have pets
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So much of the current marauders fandom controversy wouldn’t even exist if people just tagged their posts right 😭😭
#And if we stopped sending death threats to people I think that would be really cool!!!!#I’m very likely going to delete this post soon because I’m afraid of having it up and I don’t usually talk about controversies and shit#and I want to make it clear that I’m approaching this from a completely neutral point of view!!#so without further ado#in my humble opinion it is absolutely 100% so very valid so so fair absolutely okay for somebody to hate on a ship there’s no issue in that#just tag that it’s hate#It’s so very valid so very okay to like a ship and want to post about it#just use the right tags#don’t tag a ship that isn’t relevant#it’s so very totally okay and so very valid for you to be really fucking tired and really fucking annoyed with seeing a bunch of shit about#tags and characters that you don’t like or support and it’s totally fair that you don’t want to see it anymore#that’s the fault of the people making those posts and if you’re one of those people? use the right fucking tags#if you wanna hate - hate#if you wanna love - love#but no amount of loving or hating part of a fandom based on FICTIONAL MEDIA is justification for sending literal death threats#to real fucking people#there could be a child who has suffered from thoughts of suicide or sh on the other side of the phone that you’ve just sent death threats t#and that child could then be so frightened by what they’ve been sent or they could start believing that they deserve it#and then you would be the cause of irreversible damage to a literal fucking child#And the thing is that that’s literally just an example and there are hundreds upon hundreds of other people with different situations#whether that be adults and people who’ve never suffered with such thoughts etc#who could be affected just as badly if not worse#and that’s all because you got angry about a fictional fucking universe#from a completely neutral point of view I think it’s very reasonable to hate on a ship or a character etc#and I think there should be a place for that hate to be put online because at the end of the day thats part of what fandom internet is for#but that hate shouldn’t be directed towards real people (except for JK Rowling I think we can all agree she’s an exception)#and quite simply it should be tagged#IM GOING TO CONTINUE THESE IN REBLOGS I DIDNT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A TAG LIMIT#tw sui implied#marauders era
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70% of my trigun thoughts are abt how plants (independent and dependant) work and what they symbolize and their relationships with other characters and the world and stuff and the implications of independent plants coming with the earth forces and what it says about how earth has progressed since SEEDS left the planet, 20% of my thoughts are "hope those guys (meryl milly vash livio ww knives) are having fun" and 10% is rotating trimax Rem Saverem around in my head at all times
#i think abt rem a lot for a character that is like important but also isnt materially present in the story much#like idk her relationship with grief and regret and the idea of her looking at the shambles of her life and having to say#'well at least i can start over since theres nothing left for me' multiple times (after alex dies and she joins seeds#and after failing to keep tesla alive and getting a 'second chance' with vash and knives) idk its just so fascinating to me#and her idea of a blank ticket to the future and what it means in terms of how vash shapes his worldview in trimax#where it seems to be about how. death stops all future potential of a person. if they die they can never get better they dont learn#they cant change and experience consequence#like smth i find fascinating in trimax is that vash doesnt kill people but he will let somebody that person has hurt punch them in the face#and he thanks ww for killing to save the colony that one time. hes not opposed to killing/consequence entirely#i think it comes down a lot to how rem behaved in the aftermath of him finding out about tesla. how the potential for things to get better#would have died with him or rem and it would have just stayed horrible#idk idk im Rambling im turing things around in my brain#also man my main complaint with the manga is i wish it focused on the dependant plants more. they clearly experienced a big emotional#struggle esp in the final volumes and i wish we got to see more of it#but also i just like the wacky small town hijinks esp in the 98 anime i love when the main cast is just goofin around. i think they should#get to goof more#trigun#.txt#Dont Look At This Post Man its EMBARRASSING nobody should let me talk abt anything#the secret special bonus tjoughts are about chronica bc she fascinates me but i cant draw her good the way i can draw meryl and rem :(
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i feel a little disappointed that the reason victoria hated rachel was that she was jealous. imo if there's a character who everyone in-universe loves and is fascinated by, there should be someone who doesn't like them. someone who either thinks they're an awful person or someone just who just doesn't buy into their charms and doesn't see why anyone else would. to have it all explained away as jealousy (which is almost another form of admiration in itself) isn't as compelling to me
#what i think is far more interesting is victoria being jealous of *max*#who doesn't have half of her money or status.#but i think rachel should have somebody who earnestly doesnt believe shes all that interesting or talented.#maybe you could frame it as victoria seeing the same traits she hates in herself in rachel#like being manipulative or attention-seeking#but the difference is that with rachel; no one notices. everyone else finds her genuine#but with victoria; she's hated for those same traits. she knows how people talk about her.#and victoria resents having to live in rachel's shadow; both after and during rachel's life.#combine that with victoria being the only person who could see through rachel and not finding her all that special#or rachel having wronged her specifically (other than the tea thing in bts)#that could be fascinating and deepen both victoria and rachel's characters#idk there are so many routes they could go with this and victoria being just jealous because rachel is prettier or whatever seems like the-#least interesting one#does that make sense? i'm just rambling haha
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is it normal to be lowkey annoyed that somebody didn't wish you happy birthday on your birthday or 🥴
#and it's not somebody i don't talk to much. it's a friend from uni times whom i talk to nearly everyday#either in a group chat with another friend or in a private chat#in fact we literally were even talking about some bullshit on the very day of my birthday those 3 days ago on 29th december#but. she seems to have forgotten it was my bday that day and also hasn't had any realization about it since?#because i'd be fine if she realized she forgot#we always send each other wishes on our birthdays and she did so in the past#so i dunno why she just. didn't this year#i have no idea why it's bothering me so much#do i expect too much from people and should accept they may have a busy schedule or whatever and might not remember or
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every day i think I would love 2 watch a cute video of a little chihuahua. and then i see ppl purposefully stressing their dog out and laughing and filming when the dog is visibly afraid or aggressive. and it makes me so mad i see red
#funny#stoppp putting them in situations STOP IT !!!#fucking videos where ppl r like Lol took my dog to the walmart and she ws freaking out 😂 YA DUDE.#bc dogs have very sensitive hearing and sens of smell. and walmart has a lot of things to look at#of course the dog is gonna be freaking out it isnt fucking funny...#and these r th same ppl who will go without training gheir chihuahua bc its when chihuahuas r aggressive#and then th chihuahua attacks them for whatever reason and th dog ends up dead or in th pound. bc dumbfuck owners think its funny to stress#out their dogs for funny internet videos. IT Mkes me so mad#theres like. 2 groups of ppl with seemingly opposite views on chihuahuas and theyre both evil#and its rh cunts who call them rats and talk abt how they hate rhem and want to run them over which. legitimately kys#you dont have ro want a chihuahua but what the fuck is wrong with tou. that you see somebody talking abt their dog and you talk abt how#youd love to harm it. i think you should burn kn hell 4ever ok?#and the other ppl r ppl who 'love' chihuahuas. and then mistreat rhem bc its funny when theyre scared or stressed. sigh#chihuahuas should never be in any situation ever chihuahua job is snuggle in blankets. frolick. snuggle on couch.. eat food.. frolick again#thats IT !!!#animal abuse#a2t#SRY. got heated i love chihuahuas
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I’ve wasted so much time trying to be good…but it’s nice to remember you don’t have to be good to be loved.
#maybe I am mean and annoying and intense and emotional and too much as I’ve always feared#more grumpy than mean. but I can be mean. I have the tendency.#but if that’s me I have to accept it and just be me then#was talking to my mom actually to get an objective opinion#because I had a falling out with someone close to me recently#and she was like maybe you are a lot but that’s you. somebody who’s okay with that will be okay with it#and it’s true actually#made me think#even if I have these qualities people don’t like that’s not on me#because I can’t undo who I am whether trauma based etc#you gotta find people who get you#people who get you now not years from now#because we can all try to be hopeful and say I’ll fix myself :) but a lot of us can’t do that#a lot of us don’t have the means to do that. people don’t understand this.#you won’t ever fix yourself. you’ll manage yourself. all you can do is manage.#but that should be for you and not for other people#anyway#realizing a lot of people won’t like or get me#and#I have to learn to be okay with that#I’ve always wanted to be Good and Liked#but I don’t think that’s how it’s gonna be#I thought I was Good. but realizing that was probably masking#I tried so hard to be Good lol#I don’t think I will be palatable or understood by most and that’s how it’s always been. nothing new. but I won’t get there ever probably#rejection sensitivity loneliness and grief don’t help…but#the answer seems to be self acceptance even if you’re not who you thought you were/ would be#oh and good bad etc are subjective yes but I mean in terms of what most think is good#mental health shit
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Who's gonna apologize to you bitch
lmaooooo cry about it bitch
#to clarify on what happened#somebody responded to her on twitter and like ''daniel radcliffe and emma watson owe you an apology. safe in the knowledge youll forgivethe#and she responded ''not safe!'' and spitefully added that evil trans supporting celebrities should#save their apologies for the victims of the trans agenda#or however the fuck she phrased it#anyway i find it very very pathetic that shes talking about daniel and emma as a way to drum up some extra attention for herself#she knew damn well what she was doing when she responded to that tweet#she knews that shading them in any way will make headlines#and its so fucking EMBARRASSING. they are not looking in your direction. stop this i cant take it#they have managed to find success in means outside of harry potter. they dont have to cling to the clout of their co-stars to stay relevant#also...sorry i went on a tangent#my point is shes likely doing this to bury the recent holocaust denial thing#dont forget about that. i really think she would like you to#prev tags
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i know i said the men on big brother 5 are pigs but after jase and scott go its honestly fine. marvin is a better guy than some of his comments about women in the first few episodes suggested, which his own mother up and said she disapproved of which i respect her for. but for real he's been quite decent and a good player. oh my god diane is pissing me off
#YOU dont get to go all oh i love this twins alliance i feel so safe w adria in power adria you should put up will#and then be all#I CANT BELIEVE SHE EVICTED WILL when she was being SINCERE telling adria to do that#i liked will too although i honestly feel like adria caught way more shit than deserved that week and natalie didnt deserve to catch strays#as a twin i just wanna say that like as a person will rejecting a hug from natalie bc her sister got him out in a game is tasteless#im sorry bro twins are not actually the same person if youre gonna take game personally so be it#natalie ain't done anything but emotionally support her sister#diane is fucking pissing me off tho#get real#all of this gameplay and turning is really very light in comparison to modern big brother#oooohhh a majority alliance split up#somebody turned on an ally when they got hoh oh no#half of that alliance was already talking smack about getting the twins out bc they have each other#yall just got mad one of em won something#i gotta go to bed im still in the middle of an episode#everybody (american) go vote tomorrow!!!#bb5#bb5 spoilers#big brother#shut up kaily
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I’m probably fundamentally a Not Good Horse Person simply because I forget that other folks’ horses are fucking nuts because mine are so solid. Like my mare is the shyer of the two, but her idea of spooking is flinching and backing up a couple of steps. My gelding just raises his head and like that’s it. So like I’m so used to mine not giving a single shit about anything that if I had to handle somebody else’s horse I’d probably die because I’d be treating it like one of mine lmao
#she speaks#my horses#it’s been a really long time since I’ve had to handle somebody else’s horse tho lol#this is an exaggeration tho cuz like I do know what I’m doing#and they’d probably end up with a better horse for it because I don’t tolerate bullshit#I’m not mean at all not even close#but if a horse decides something is scary we’re gonna spend a whole lot of time making it not scary#my horses aren’t perfect sometimes they do shit that I’m like okay no we have to fix this#but it’s rare and it’s usually my gelding and it’s usually because he’s decided he needs to test my authority#he’s a very spirited animal and he has his own ideas on how things should go#and sometimes I have to remind him that I’m the boss and that I have good reasons for the things I’m doing#because horses are smart and some of them don’t like to just blindly follow orders#some of them want to see the logic behind it#that’s where trust comes into play#he trusts that I will show him why im doing something#and I understand how fruity that sounds lol but it’s actually true#mark rashid talks about this a lot in his books#and in my opinion he’s the gold standard on good horsemanship#but I digress#point is I forget that most folks treat their horses like they expect them to explode#and there’s some old horseman wisdom on this that I think folks have forgotten#quiet people make loud horses#if you tiptoe around your horse you’re going to create a horse that reacts strongly to big movements#if you treat a horse like it’s going to explode then it’s going to explode#treat your horse like you expect it to be okay with whatever you throw at it#and then fix the problems that arise from that#and you’ll end up with a solid partner
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there’s been a couple nights where you and arranged!gojo have had to host little dinners at the estate to show face and let people know you two are still alive.
it’s before the big confession, when the two of you were becoming closer, so it was just pretend niceness hiding the tension for a couple hours.
you tried to talk to the people around the large dining room table, sitting near gojo as you listened in on the conversation, but it was better to just be a part of it rather than the center of the spotlight. gojo had become increasingly aware of the long looks people gave your way, the hushed talks behind the women’s hands. you didn’t notice, maybe you’d been jaded to it, but he did, and he was becoming more tense under their stares.
he noticed how you’d try to jump in and say something, but was instantly cut off by somebody else. gojo had told you before the dinner started that the two of you should hold hands, but you hadn’t let go of his, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to let go of you either. he’d give you an encouraging squeeze, one which you gave him a little smile to, but still clammed up, sitting back in your seat.
"want me to tell them to shut up?" he whispered to you, dropping his head near your ear so that nobody else could hear.
"no it's okay," you say with a laugh, waving it off, "i was just going to ask what cashmere is," you say, in relation to a previous story one of the girls was telling about cashmere moth, and how her entire closet was chewed to bits because of the creatures.
"it's a type of fabric," he explains gently, his eyes searching yours, "very soft," he adds with a little smile and yours grows wider.
"i'd like to see it," you comment, leaning a little bit closer to him.
"i'll have your closets full of cashemere by the morning if you'd like," he says, but you know deep down it could be a promise if you simply said yes.
but you giggle, shaking your head.
"no," you're looking up at him in that way that makes his tongue feel heavy, "the moths, they must be huge," you murmur and he snorts, squeezing your hand a little bit tighter in retaliation.
to be honest, gojo hated these dinners. these people he grew up with were dull and annoying, their conversations full of lame gossip and cheap jokes, and he’d much prefer your lively stories with just you, but they were a necessary evil.
when the servants had cleared the meal away and had begun setting up for dessert, he could feel the stare of one of the girls, anya, and the way her eyes squinted when he caught her looking. he saw the way she sneakily tipped her head back, chin pointing to the opening near some of the stone columns, and excused herself a couple seconds later, looking over her shoulder at him before she disappeared.
gojo knew anya. he’d fooled around with her a couple of times long before the two of you got married, but he found her a bit shallow and dim, nothing he found interesting. he looked over at you to see if you had seen her, but you were looking at your plate, moving some grains of uneaten rice around with your fork.
curiosity got the better of him, wondering what it was she wanted, and so he stood up, his chair scraping behind him as you let go of his hand, you, along with everybody else, looking at him as he excused himself to the washroom.
he walked briskly past the table, leaving through one of the openings of the stone columns, looking around until he say anya at the end of the hall, waiting for him.
“what?” he bit out, hushed, looking behind him to make sure that nobody had followed him out.
anya smiled, her teeth glimmering as he neared her, standing a safe distance away as she pouted slightly.
gojo winced. he forgot how her smile up close was unnerving, the way it wasn’t as soft or full of emotion like yours. her eyes, a deep hazel, glimmered as she took a step closer, her fingers reaching for his collar.
“i missed you,” she whispered, lips glossy as she peered up at him, her lashes batting against her cheeks as he felt his mother dry up, feeling a sudden air of nausea overtake him as he swatted her hand away.
he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“is that all you wanted to tell me?” he hissed out, knowing how stupid he sounded seeing how he had followed her out, surely expecting this.
“what?” anya tilts her head, “thought you’d like to hear it.”
gojo rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest.
“i thought you had something important to say,” he shrugs, looking away, focusing on a crack, getting ready to leave until she laughs, shaking her head.
nobody said he was the brightest soldier in all the land. he’s not above some actually good gossip, but he had a feeling this ain’t about to be that.
“you’ve always loved gossip,” her eyes glimmer as she takes another tentative step closer, “is that why you married the center of it?”
his eyes narrow slightly, but she just sees him listening to her.
“come on,” anya snorts, her hand coming up to his face until she stops at his cold gaze, pulling her hand away, “we all know it’s not rank or looks that made you marry her.”
gojo feels his arms tighten, a vein bulging in his neck as he swallows thickly. he doesn’t say anything, wants to see how she continues, wants to see what everybody else thinks without saying it.
"i mean, your mother keeps saying it was reciprocal," she rolls her eyes, laughing mirthlessly, "but i know that's a lie. you look miserable whenever you're around her."
gojo feels his eyes twitch, his ring shining in the slivers of moonlight through the large, overarching windows.
"did you call me here to talk ill of my wife?" gojo bites out, but she can't sense his tone, giggling as she shoves him, his body not moving.
"drop the theatrics 'toru," he feels bile in his mouth at her sweetened words, "it's just me," she says, biting her lips as indiscreetly as she can, eyes raking over his toned body as she looks back up to his face, "but regardless, no, i had something else i wanted to tell you."
she sighs, her voice a little higher as if he wouldn't notice.
"i'm staying at the hostelry in the town near here for a couple of nights," she bats her eyes again, and suddenly gojo wonders if he had been insanely ill when he had slept with her those months ago because now he feels sick just looking at her, "if you wanted...i'm there for you."
he raises his white brow slightly.
"gods anya," he breaths deeply through his nose, his eyes darkened, "you have audacity if nothing else."
she smiles brightly, taking it as a compliment.
"i know," she winks, "i looked around the area, and nobody of import comes near there. i know you need it as bad as i do," her voice drops a little, eyes falling slightly to the ground, "people are talking. i know how lonely you must feel."
his nose wrinkles slightly in confusion.
"what are you talking about?"
anya looks at him briefly before looking away, shrugging.
"everybody knows you two don't share a room," she explains, "and how she's not even showing signs of pregnancy. is she frigid in bed? you know, some people are saying she's infertile."
gojo straightens up, a new look taking over his face that makes her voice die down.
"what? who's saying that? who's talking?" he presses, and she feels her mouth dry up, suddenly picking up on the fact that he doesn't seem to be at all interested in the deal she's trying to make.
he feels a sudden wave of mixed emotions washing over him.
are the maids taking? gods, that makes him feel even worse. it surely couldn't be yours, they care for you too much. but it must've been somebody who knows your situation, somebody who sees the way you live on different sides of the estate. gojo feels a sinking pit in his stomach. these rumors that are growing because of his own selfish actions, rumors at your own expense, ones you have no control over, by people you've been trying to befriend for ages.
he knows people look at you whenever you enter a room, hears their awfully concealed whispers. and despite the fact that you try to hide the hurt on your face, he sees the way you avade their glances, hide into yourself to act like it doesn't bother you.
are these whispers now because of him?
"i don't know," she mutters, annoyed, "everyone. you barely look at her. did your parents pay you to marry her? she must've been-"
"stop it." gojo warns, and she shuts her mouth, eyes shimmering with shock.
she looks like she's about to say something but stops, looking over his looming body at something.
"gojo? is that you?" another voice calls out, and he turns around, all the anger melting off of his face when he sees it's you, standing near the pillars as you try to find him.
you smile when you see him, still not seeing anya who's hidden behind him, and wave for him to come back.
"they're about to serve dessert," you say, trying to be as quiet as you can, "oh, are you with someone? sorry, i didn't mean to interrupt..." you trail off, your smile falling when anya shuffles around, making sure you see her behind him, your eyes widening.
gojo feels his world slipping beneath him as your shoulder drops, looking at him and then at anya, a somber look taking over your features. you look for another second, not knowing what to do. gojo feels like a fish, gaping silently at you, never looking back at anya, but you excuse yourself, going back to the dining hall without saying another word.
gojo stares aimlessly at the wall in front of him, not sparing his energy to look at the girl peering up at his face.
"get out," he murmurs, his voice low with timber.
"w-what?" she stammers, brows furrowing in confusion.
"get out before i call the guards," he snaps, looking at her from the side of his eyes, "fucking now anya, leave."
she looks up at him, swallowing thickly, but gets the memo that he's being serious. she scammers away, sniffling dramatically as she disappears through another hallway.
he drops his head into his hands, massaging his temples.
his eyes fall to his ring, the one that seems to be growing cold on his finger.
he feels his heart burn in his chest, every step feeling like he had stones tied to his feet as he makes his way back to the hall, hearing the edited clammer of the people welcoming him back, but there was only one person he cared about.
and you weren't looking at him.
in fact, you didn't speak to him that entire night. nor that following week.
gojo has almost bled to death before and has had arrows pierce his back and exit through his chest, but he'd rather experience that ten times again than feel the agonizing silence of the woman he's starting to love.
(second part)
#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x reader angst#gojo drabble#jjk x reader#jjk drabble#jjk x reader angst#satoru x reader#satoru x you#arranged!gojo
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