#she says she doesnt have to give me a reason to not have to get rid of it
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nyatbinary-81 · 6 months ago
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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waywardsalt · 4 months ago
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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acourtofquestions · 12 days ago
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"You'll come back," Manon said.
It sounded like more of a threat than anything
Dorian smirked. "Would you miss me if I didn't?"
Manon didn't reply. He didn't know why he expected her to.
He'd taken all of a step, when Asterin clasped his shoulder. "In and out, quick as you can," she warned him. "Take care of Narene." Worry indeed shone in the Second's gold-flecked black eyes. Dorian bowed his head. "With my life," he promised as he approached her mount and grasped the dangling reins. He didn't fail to miss the gratitude that softened Asterin's features. Or that Manon had already turned away from him.
A fool to start down this path with her. He should have known better.
The hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence.
From anticipation, she told herself. Of what she had to do.
Abraxos, unsurprisingly, found them within an hour, his reins sliced from the struggle he'd no doubt waged and won with Sorrel. He waited, however, beside Manon in silence, wholly focused upon the gate where Dorian and Narene had vanished.
Time dripped by. The king's sword was constant weight at her side. She cursed herself for needing to prove-to him, to herself-that she refused to let him go into Morath for practical, ordinary reasons. Erawan wasn't at the Ferian Gap. It'd be safer. Somewhat. But if the Matrons were there … That was why he'd gone. To learn if they were. To see if Petrah truly commanded the host there, and how many Ironteeth were present. He had not been trained as a spy, but he'd grown up in a court where people wielded smiles and clothes like weapons. He knew how to blend in, how to listen. How to make people see what they wished to see. She'd sent Elide into the dungeons of Morath, Darkness damn her. Sending the King of Adarlan into the Ferian Gap was no different.
It didn't stop her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened, scanning the sky. As if he heard something they couldn't.
And it was the joy that sparked in her mount's eyes that told her.
Moments later, Narene sailed toward them, making a lazy path over the mountains, a dark-haired, pale-skinned rider atop her. He'd truly been able to change parts of himself. Had made his face nearly unrecognizable. And kept it that way.
Asterin rushed toward the mare, and even Manon blinked as her Second threw her arms around Narene's neck. Holding her tight. The mare only leaned her head against Asterin's back and huffed.
Manon hadn't dwelled long on what she'd say.
And as the three hundred Ironteeth witches filed into the hall, some coming off their patrols, Manon half wondered if she should have. They watched her, watched the Thirteen, with a wary disdain.
Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir.
When all were gathered, Petrah, still standing in the doorway where she'd appeared, merely said, "My life debt for an audience, Blackbeak."
Manon swallowed, her tongue as dry as paper. Seated atop Abraxos, she could see every shifting movement in the crowd, the wide eyes or hands gripping swords.
"I will not tell you the particulars of who I am," Manon said at last. "For I think you have already heard them."
"Crochan bitch," someone spat.
Manon set her eyes on the Blackbeaks, stone-faced where the others bristled with hatred. It was for them she spoke, for them she had come here.
jacket, then hoisting up her white shirt. Rising in the stirrups to bare her scarred, brutalized abdomen. "She does not lie."
UNCLEAN
There, the word remained stamped. Would always be stamped.
"How many of you," Asterin called out, "have been similarly branded? By your Matron, by your coven leader? How many of you have had your stillborn witchlings burned before you might hold them?"
The silence that fell now was different from before. Shaking shuddering.
Manon glanced at the Thirteen to find tears in Ghislaine's eyes as she took in the brand on Asterin's womb. Tears in the eyes of all of them, who had not known. And it was for those tears, which Manon had never seen, that she faced the host again.
"You will be killed in this war, or after it. And you will never see our homeland again."
"What is it that you want, Blackbeak?" Petrah asked from the archway.
"Ride with us," Manon breathed. "Fly with us.
Against Morath. Against the people who would keep you from your homeland, your future." Murmuring broke out again. Manon pushed ahead, "An Ironteeth-Crochan alliance. Perhaps one to break our curse at last."
Again, that shuddering silence. Like a storm about to break Asterin sat back in the saddle, but kept her shirt open.
"The choice of how our people's future shall be shaped is yours," Manon told each of the witches assembled, all the Blackbeaks who might fly to war and never return. "But I will tell you this." Her hands shook, and she fisted them on her thighs. "There is a better world out there. And I have seen it."
Even the Thirteen looked toward her now.
"I have seen witch and human and Fae dwell together in peace. And it is not weakness to do so, but a strength. I have met kings and queens whose love for their kingdoms, their peoples, is so great that the self is secondary. Whose love for their people is so strong that even in the face of unthinkable odds, they do the impossible."
Manon lifted her chin. "You are my people. Whether my grandmother decrees it so or not, you are my people, and always will be. But I will fly against you, if need be, to ensure that there is a future for those who cannot fight for it themselves. Too long have we preyed on the weak, relished doing so. It is time that we became better than our foremothers." The words she had given the Thirteen months ago. "There is a better world out there," she said again. "And I will fight for it." She turned Abraxos away, toward the plunge behind them. "Will you?"
Manon nodded to Petrah. Eyes bright, the Heir only nodded back. They would be permitted to leave as they had arrived: unharmed.
So Manon nudged Abraxos, and he leaped into the sky, the Thirteen following suit.
Not a child of war. But of peace.
#Dorian Havilliard#Manon Blackbeak#Chapter 43#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#1st read-readW me-read along-no spoilers please-chapter spoilers in the post&tag+more notes/quotes/ reacts/annotations/etc-ordinary dagger#would be his only weapon-and the magic in his veins-If I don't come back he said while she tied the ancient blade2her keys must go2Terrasen#the only place he could think of-even if Aelin wasn't ther2take them-them u'll come back Manon said It sounded like more of a threat than#Dorian smirked Wouldumiss me if I didn't-Take care of Narene Worry indeed shone in the 2nd gold-flecked black eyes-A fool2start down this#pathW her He should have known better-hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence-Time dripped byKings sword a weight at#her sideShe cursed herself4needing2prove-2him2herself-that she had-she refused2let him go in2Morath4practical ordinary reasons Erawan wasnt#Ferian Gap Itd b safer Somewhat-He had not been trained as a spy but hed grown up in a court where people wielded smiles&clothes like weapon#He knew how2blend in how2listenHow2make people see what they wished2see-She'd sent Elide in2the dungeons of Morath-Darkness dam her it didnt#s2p her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened scanning the skyAs if he heard something they couldn't-& it was the joy that sparked in#her mounts eyes that2ld her-Asterin rushed2ward the mare&even Manon blinked as her 2nd threw her arms around Narenes neck Holding her tight-#Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir-It was4them she spoke4them she had come here-Crochan bitch-hell no that's a witch queen-She#doesnt lie-UNCLEAN There the word remained stamped Would always bstamped How many of U-silence that fell now was different from be4 shaking#shuddering-Tears in the eyes of all of them who hadnt known&it was4those tears which Manon had never seen that she faced the host againManon#ifted her chin u are my people-Whether my gr&mother decrees it so or notuare my people&always will bBut I will fly againstuif need B2ensure#theres future4those who cannot fight4it themselves2o long have we preyed on the weak relished doing so It is time that we became better than#our4emothers-words shes given the13-Theres a better world out there she said again-& I will fight4it She turned Abraxos away2ward the plunge#behind them Will u-their if u die ill kill u vibe-ugh obviouslyulove each other just get over it-warned hum-my life-gratitude even softened#the witch-Shapeshifter-bye bluebell birdie-His ice-the Valg-just this once-if it keeps them alive then good enough-him&Vesta-terse-dont let#Aelin go4them either please-& the magic in his veins-his true weapon is smarts-come back-she cared her eyes say it all-Wmy life-not a fool#just in love-colds their middle name-her waiting😭-Lys would bproud of his skill-joy in wyverns is giving cuz she screamed4U like I did-Petra#their fallen Heir-a life debt-yes I had2switch2short dashes there’s just2o much going on all the time-4 them she spoke2gather2save-Asterin b#b-made-are monsters born or maid chicken egg wyvern solved-only queen-k how old r they-glory-always-my bb13crying2gether now imma cry-ur#Future is giving a better world vibes-I have seen it-a good queen-real love-u are my people-yes Manon speech-not a child of war but of peace#Manorian#The Thirteen
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minglana · 4 months ago
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i dont even need to come out to my mom to have a terrible time at home. i can simply choose not to shave and she'll give me the same shit for it
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hyper-cryptic · 1 year ago
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Cyrus... and also that one wet muddy cat that keeps following him around (an actual angel in disguise)
Working on my Vamp Hunter AU. Feel free to reblog but Im gonna sob if it gets more than the completed version /j
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months ago
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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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horce-divorce · 5 months ago
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It has been 0 days since the last "old man leaves blood tracked around the entire house and goes on with his day UNbothered" incident....
I cannot fucking verbalize how disturbing this shit is... I literally can't get up at 7am to take a sleep-drunken piss without having to wake up fully and fucking bleach the floor because I look down at my shoes and realize I'm STEPPING in someone else's BLOOD. AGAIN!!@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!
same guy that leaves food out for the mice, puts his used dirty dry ass dentures flat on the kitchen counter, leaves bloodied bandages on the TABLE!!!!!!
and every time you try to have a conversation with him he goes "oh haha!" and trundles off, absolutely utterly regardless of what the topic is. Period. Always. Once during a fucking tornado he sat upstairs watching TV, chuckled at us rushing to the basement as the sirens wailed, I informed him "we already lost everything once, we don't need to do it again" and he said "ha ha ha" and went and sat in front of the TV again.
Once he said "I wonder why the mice keep coming back in the summer?" And Bel looked him in the eyes and said "you! It's because you leave them full course meals every day, you should scrape your plate off into the garbage when you're done with it :)" he said "oh haha!" Wandered off and then never once cleaned his plate, continuing to leave full plates out overnight (im talking 3 corn cobs biscuits and gravy), and "thawing" ALREADY THAWED MEAT on the counter for upwards of 10 hours before just... sticking it back in the fridge???
He is literally not even on this plane of existence. To the point where he refuses to use his cane and yet falls down multiple times per day. I don't understand how he continues to live. Fucking energy vampire. Literally!who needs a cane! he just asks us to help him up off the floor! then refuses said help while we stand there and watch him struggle. he has THE most weaponized incompetence i have EVER encountered. He literally just likes an audience!!!! That's all he wants and he gets it for free every day!!!! Every day he lives one day longer and Thorin, Bel and I feel years age off our fucking lives in exchange!!!!!
I CANT! KEEP DOING IT! I NEED TO FIX MY CAR AND GET OUT OF HERE IM GOING FUCKING INSANE I DIDNG SIGN UP FOR DAILY BIOHAZARD WASTE REMOVAL IN EXCHANGE FOR MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!LIVING IN THE WOODS IS BETTER ILL TAKE IT ANY FUCKING DAY
Hot tip: if you become homeless DONT just take the first offer of a roof over your head IF you can absolutely help it at all, ESPECIALLY if you became homeless due to fleeing abusive family. You will very likely just end up with someone else's abusive dad instead :) repeatedly :)))
#me#his foot js literally festering and falling OFF and bleeds nonstop and he changes his bandage like..... maybe once every 24hrs. maybe.#the fact that he bleeds on the bathroom floor DAILY is bc he just puts a sock on it and goes to bed#then bleeds thru his entire sock by like 1am#'hes giving you a place to stay be nice' the TOLL it takes is PSYCHOLOGICAL!!!!!#our friend (his kid) invited us here. not him. he literally doesnt even remember we are here lmao.#he likes having other ppl here to torment besides his own family#unfortunately when u become homeless u get a lot of offers of help from ppl who are simply opportunistic rather than genuinely kind.#pat falls solidly into this category.#i think his wife is slightly more kind than neutral but she makes constant excuses for him#even when there's 4! other witnesses and beer cans all over the house she doesnt beleive hes drinking!#so maybe she cares more but she likewise doesnt do anything about any of it. ever. she just lets him fuck up whatever he wants.#theres a REASON why so many homeless people would rather be the on the fucking street than take any random offer of housing.#even from a housing commission. bc it is likewise staffed by people and people are opportunistic fucks.#a lot of ppl want to THINK of themsleves as someone who would help a homeless friend in a pinch#w/o actually realizing what that entails#then when you (the person in need) say 'actually i need a different thing instead bc what you gave me isnt all that helpful'#suddenly your 'friend' of many years is calling you the ugliest words youve ever fucking heard#saying you took advantage and that youre ungrateful and that youre not trying and you dont want help.#its very easy for everyone to believed the housed person in that scenario.#they have all the power. they control the narrative.#prsnl
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our-lady-of-mcr · 6 months ago
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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iraqueer · 7 months ago
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#really does so being fun to your brain to get affirmations and compliments from strangers or friends (ie people i see frequently) more than#the family i live with. like mixed with rsd wich makes evrey criticism hold ten times the weight of a compliment means when i do get i compl#compliment from the family i live with it sounds disingenuous#like i know ill get a lecture or a passive aggressive comment so that compliment doesnt count. or i had to fish for it so it doesnt count#it makes me feel like im barely tolerable to the people i live with who see me the most in my tuest self the only reason my friends or aqu#or acquaintances dont feel that way is cuz they havent been around me enogh and eventually ill exhaist all goodwill and love that people hav#have for me until they only associate with me because of obligation. it also makes me prone to cry when someone gives me a compliment and it#it makes me scared to share this with my family becasue i feel like theyll ruin it. i tell my husband that the pediatrician says the kids a#are growing qell amd hitting theyre milestones and he sqys that she always says that and to everyone and it cheapens the compliment#people who dont live with me think im intelligent amd competant and funny and a joy to know but i dont get that fweling from my family and i#i know part of it is because of my shit brain that weights criticisms so much more strongly but a part of it is the things they say amd more#more importantly the things they dont it feels so rar that i get a compliment of any kind and i dont know if its my stupid depressed brain#making me perceive this or if its true if its a mix or if i developed this thought process because i was taught this#worst part is i dont feel shit enough to cry and get that emotional release#tldr eventually evreyone hates me and one day my kids will too hahahahahaha i physically feel pain rn lol
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moonlit-orchid · 1 year ago
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Does anyone else's mothers have a problem with them staying in their rooms all day when sick or is it just mine?
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raspberryjellybrains · 2 years ago
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I've been thinking a lot lately about Delirium and the way she speaks. She talks around a concept, never hitting it head on but glancing off through a series of metaphors and related concepts that explain things far better than wording them straight might. It's very relatable, and I think that's why I like her; that's how I think.
To me, the world isn't composed of precisely defined concepts but a series of interconnected existences which can all, ultimately, be related to each other. I also experience things in the incredibly specific manner Delirium seems to. I have sensitivities largely untethered from aversions, meaning that while I don't often find things deeply unpleasant or intolerable, I still experience them with an unusual specificity which often defies concise explanation. The best way I can convey certain feelings or experiences is through other feelings, experiences, and concepts to weave together a series of approximations that through their similar and dissimilar traits narrow down to what I'm trying to describe. Delirium does this too, and it's treated as a part of her that's no better or worse than any other. There are those that don't understand and those that do, and those that at least try to are awarded for their efforts because finally and most importantly, she genuinely has something to say. Her speech patterns are deceptively rambling because she takes a long time to say what she means to say, while simultaneously saying exactly it.
Delirium is neurodivergent coded in such a cathartic way because of this. I feel her frustration and joy because I know what it's like to be the person trying to explain something that has no words to assign, asking all of the time if there's a word for what she's feeling as a rhetorical and genuine question so that she can explain something without explaining it and call into question why we feel everything must be precisely laid in the place of as few words as possible. She is incredibly intelligent, but loses track of all of what's happening in a far more obvious way than most because there's just so much to keep track of, which is also very relatable as a neurodivergent person. Without putting labels on the experience, she perfectly captures it. I just... I like Delirium quite a lot, and think she'd be very good at post-modern literature.
#i hope to god this comprehensible#im trying so hard to get this shit in a line exactly becaude of why i like her#theres jusy SO MUCH to say its very hard to keep it straight and many more things to focus on beyond it#i love that delirium is treated by the narrative as an intelligent and wise being that just conveys that in an unconventional way#shes like my mirror metaphor. no mirror can light upon the minutae without shattering and no shattered mirror can see the bigger picture.#shes shattered but knows from when she was whole what the full picture looks like but she gets lost in all of the fragments#which gives her an incredibly unique and valuable perspective#at a surface level it seems as if she's an offensive depiction of mental illness but once you go deeper you realize shes not for the very-#reason she at first seemed to be. she embodies what is looked down upon but its told through side comments and events that theres more to-#her than the seeming irrationality.#she picks up and puts things down as she remembers them but that doesnt mean any one thing is any less valuable than any other#the ephemeral quality of her attentions dont diminish their value.#i have a lot of thoughts about her i just. am very fond.#and the way she and dream truly demonstrate the dichotomy of mental illness and neurodivergence makes me froth at the mouth.#he knows what shes saying most of the time and knows where shes at whether he admits it to himself or not because shes just externalizing-#what exists solely internally for him. hes better at masking and that is their difference which makes Such a statement oh my god when you-#think about how each are treated and understood.#it took me like. two weeks to organize these thoughts btw. they float in little brain clouds <3#i need to watch everything everywhere all at once#anyway#delirium of the endless#the sandman meta#the sandman#raspberry rambles
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mx-paint · 2 years ago
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vaugarde · 1 year ago
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last magireco bitching post for tonight i promise but i think all those people who complain that sayaka and homura are abusive and horrible and unreasonable for the crime of being manipulated and traumatized 14 year olds in awful situations and arent perfect little victims about it should go watch magireco and have their brains implode bc i think yachiyo is like. so much worse
#like yachiyo is actually an adult first of all they say shes in college and has been working for seven years#and i wont deny shes been through shit. shes felt guilty for her wish and watched her friends die#shes still a sympathetic character where u get why shes cold. but GOD the way she treats mifuyu makes me uncomfortable#like she regrets the worst of it when her doppel shows up but the narrative and mifuyu still go#''oh no yachiyo you ARE right to say that tee hee''#yachiyo gives me the vibe of someone who's like ''well IM suffering because of my choices. so should YOU''#also how she gets pissed at mifuyu for getting taken into a cult when shes at her lowest#and again keeps calling her weak like. good lord leave her alone#like. at least sayaka has a clear reason for acting the way she does and we see that in the show#shes guilty and traumatized from mami's death and is selfless to a fault#she blames homura for mami's death because of her own prejudices that have been instilled in her by then#she basically self sabotages and hurts herself because she thinks shes worthless compared to mami#she lost her childhood friend who. tbh really WASNT treating her well like obv he doesnt owe her a romance#but hes her childhood friend and he basically constantly brushes her off in the show#and we see more of that in rebellion where he does the same to hitomi#like. sayaka fucks up she gets cruel but you GET why she does it and it feels earned and good for the plot#yachiyo though. part of this is just character bloat and the weird pacing but her nastiness doesnt feel earned#yes season 2 shows that she wants to distance herself from others because her friends died. thats fair#that explains why she was cold in season 1. sure. thats fine that works as an arc and i usually love arcs like this#but then she's cruel to the lower grunts who were absolutely manipulated into the magias#and constantly implies theyre weak#and berates mifuyu (her best friend apparently) for breaking down after learning the truth#because ''oh well we DID accept this. we were idiots after all. lmao get over it and fight again''#and mifuyu is evil incarnate that must repent forever for. getting dragged into a cult at her lowest moment#after her friend was a dick to her fresh off her trauma. and of course leaving her which gave her Abandonment Issues#god sorry maybe the rest of the show will save it for me maybe itll call out this behavior from her#also it bugs me how even her cold behavior isnt really mentioned and shes just fawned over by the rest of the cast#like. sayaka and homura's behavior was called out as unhealthy and bad for them and the others!#echoed voice
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daforged · 2 years ago
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gnawing on the end of voyager 1x09 prime factors like its a new flavoured chewbone tossed into my enclosure and i’ve been starved for 3 weeks
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ilostyou · 2 years ago
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#lalallalala let me just hide this in tags laaaalalalalallaaalalalalaaa#wait one more. ok#my mom basically offered to bribe me with a car that i rly want lol to “try and motivate me more” in a certain area#and i hear the sentiment and i know she doesnt mean it to be offensive and tbh this time around it so wasnt#but more than anything im frustrated with the fact that i dont even have anything to give to take said bribe#in that. as much as id in theory love to be able to just be like yknow what yes sure why the hell not. i cant <3#bc of multiple reasons i explained back to her and she gets it but like. i dont have anything left in me to give and she knows that#like after i explained it to her#and it's frustrating bc i know she knows all the things i explained to her im just not sure she gets it gets it#like i didnt wanna say yes to something i dont know that i could keep to completely and then if i cant. have it become a whole thing#it's hard to explain and i don't rly wanna spell it all out im just. kinda frustrated with myself and with the situation#and it's a lot more expensive than my car is now and i so understand why we're trying to figure out ways to either#find it for less or like. find a good/better reason to splurge on it other than I Really Want It .. but like i do and idk what i can offer#and im thinking of reasons to splurge on it but lol they just sound even more spoiled than im sure i sound so i wont say it#it's just frustrating and it's hard to ?? yknow#anyway#rambling
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bunnyb34r · 25 days ago
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I love finding new hyper mobility things ab myself lmao like I can bend my thumb to touch the knuckle on my index finger. Thats not NORMAL sgsgdggdgdgdg
I can put my foot behind my head, touch my thumb to my wrist, bend my neck to touch my spine, and can move my shoulder joint down further than it should :)
Probably should have brought this up to my pain management dr today but sgdgdggd what would he do ab it besides say "don't do that." ?
#marquilla#also overheard him say to another patient (bc the walla are so fucking thin it feels like a hipaa violation) that he doesnt prescribe#narcotics unless you're end of life stage diagnosis bc then it doesn't matter how it affects the body and it wont like ruin your life if you#get addicted bc you're dying. basically saying those meds are for making you as comfortable as possible before you die and#while you're living you must suffer i mean use other options sgdgdgdgdg#and i get his point though bc of the opioid epidemic HOWEVER i do believe some people do need them while they're living life#TO be able to live life#im not there yet but would it kill yall to give me some low risk painkillers for flares 😩#i had a drs practitioner give me two GREAT meds once but they sent me into an allergic reaction and now those have to be reportef#on every allergy chart bc they could kill me (: anyway i went back and was like they worked great til i had a reaction could we try#something else? she got really apologetic for the reaction (understandable but also not your fault man! you're good!) and said no talk#to your reg dr when she gets back. she said no :))))#idk where im going with this sggdgdgdgd i think bc im in a flare rn im just like ughhhhh#bc i took 600mg advil and 500mg tylenol at 2pm and im still in pain 😩 and its too wide spread for salonpas 😩😩😩😩#i hate the opioid epidemic for several reasons but one is bc now you cant even ASK for pills without getting the side eye and told to just#do yoga about it or take aleeve 🙄 bitch ive tried!!#sgdggd the nurse was like how long have you had this pain? 13 or 14 years. she was like oh jeez 😬 agdgdgdg like tell me about it man
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