#she safe in my space til I

[widebruh]

[winterf4iryy]

im glad they broke up but at the same time i’m still so upset. the fact that taylor could’ve kept whatever they had going on private if she wanted to, but didn’t, just doesn’t sit right with me. she has no problem being controversial by being friends with / dating a racist bigot but she can’t speak up about the anti trans laws and drag bans? lgbtq+ members are in literal hell right now and all she said was that god awful pride speech. i just hate how most people are going to completely forget about what she did and just move on. so many swifties were so vitriol to black, jewish, and muslim swifties it was disgusting. fuck you guys for that by the way i hope your mother doesn’t love you anymore. this whole thing just left such an awful taste in my mouth and i’m still so disappointed. in taylor and the fandom.

[ros3ybabe]

Re-Introduction 🎀

Hello!!! With the start of the school year coming soon for me, I decided I'd reintroduce myself, as this is my main blog and I typically use it as a studyblr-type of blog because it helps keep me going towards my goals! Of course i still post about my physical health, mental health, and daily life, but when college/university is in session, my life typically revolves around school!

🎀 A Little About Me 🎀

you guys can call me Rosey 🌹

I am 21 years old, she/her

I am entering my 4th year of college/uni BUT I recently added a 2nd major so I don't graduate for another year/year and a half ish

I am majoring in Human Nutrition and Dietetics, 2nd major in Finance, and a double minor in Psychology and Exercise Science

I love learning so so so much, as you can tell

I study languages in my free time

^ Currently rotating between (Mexican) Spanish, Japanese, and Korean

I love all things health, fitness, and wellness

I love to work out! My favorite ways to work out right now are weight lifting, walking, mat pilates, and yoga! My university offers workout classes for free to full time students so I'll be taking yoga/pilates classes at my campus!

I do work a full-time, on-campus food service job. 40 hours of work a week, and 15 college credit hours this semester 😅

I love to read, write, listen to music, and want to pick up more hobbies such as sewing, dance, crochet, drawing, painting, etc

This account started out as a "wonyoungism" account and slowly turned into my own little safe space where I am free to be myself without fear of judgment. Of course my aesethic is still pink and wonyoungism ish but I do fully plan on turning this into a more studyblr type of account using my own photos once university starts back up! So stay tuned for that little transition!

I'm always open to questions and I love giving advice and helping others! Whether it's something academic related, personal goal related, whatever, I'm always here to help if I can! <3 I love this little community i have <3

I've said so much already, lol, my bad. I'm just so excited for this upcoming semester. I don't know what it is about it, but I have such a feeling this will be a good school year for me! Feel free to drop an ask, or a comment, or anything! I will be making more posts of more academic related topics soon!

til next time lovelies 🩷

[the-californicationist]

a safe house

(Price/Reader) SFW - But MDNI on my blog please!

“Ghost! How copy? Riley, come in!” Price shouted into his headset. 

You were sending cover fire over the fallen tree that you and your captain were hiding behind. Unfortunately, you’d been separated from the rest of your team. Soap, Ghost, and Gaz were on the other side of the large, icy ravine, and they had done a good job drawing the enemy away from the target zone. Price kept trying to connect, but there was too much snow cover. A nasty blizzard was rolling in, and you needed to find better shelter, quickly. 

“Captain! Enemy has been eliminated. We need to find shelter,” you tried to pull him up off of the ground. 

He looked up at you, frustrated,

“Aye, Corporal, but they’ll be back. We need to find a way to warn the boys.” 

“Look,” you showed him the map on your datapad, “Laswell said there’s an old town…I think she called it Khabnoye? It’s been abandoned for years, about two klicks away. There might be some old technology, radios, whatever. We can reach them on some long-range.”

“Alright, let’s move.”

It was a short distance, but the terrain was brutal due to the snow. You made it there by nightfall, and carefully approached the outskirts of the town, following Price’s lead to scope out possible enemy combatants. There was no one in sight. It truly was a ghost town, and you were justifiably creeped the hell out. 

A small house was mostly intact near the very edge of the town, plenty of empty space around its edges, and only one broken window. You began to sweep the rooms, of which there were only three, noting that its prior occupants had left in quite a hurry sometime in the late 80s. You were fighting a nameless, secret war inside of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, so most of the towns you came across were similarly abandoned. 

You stood in the kitchen with Price, catching your breath and unpacking your bag. He was starting up the small, convective space heater checking for high levels of radiation in the room, making sure it was sustainable for the night. 

“Alright, let’s go dark. No lights, no comms until we get a better idea about what happened,” he said in a low voice. 

“Yes, sir. I did get a notification from Soap, but the message is unreadable,” you showed him the datapad before you powered it down. 

He sighed,

“At least we know he’s alive and stable enough to send comms. We’ll work on connecting when this storm blows through.”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Drop the formality, Sparrow. Not spending the whole night listening to your sirs.”

He was upset. The operation was ruined, and he had no idea where his team was or if they were even alive anymore. You said nothing, letting him unpack two MREs and prep the bags for you. You checked the other rooms. There was a tiny, filthy bathroom without running water, and a bedroom with a dingy full mattress without sheets. You set to work arming the windows with night vision motion cameras - much good may it do you with all this snow - and rigged the front door. 

“No use,” Price muttered, digging into his chili and beans MRE, starving.

“Why? You think we’re safe here?”

“No tracks in or out. No trash younger than me, and no pings for ten miles,” he showed you his passive EMP monitor, “Our tracks are covered by now with the storm. They’ll assume we rendezvoused back at the base. It was closer and easier to access.”

“Closer? Why’d you come here then?”

“Base might be compromised,” he shrugged, “Couldn’t reach McTavish, so we can’t assume anything at this point. Might as well get comfortable and wait til morning. This’ll clear once the sun comes out, and we’ll send an AM ping.”

You sighed a breath of pure relief, 

“I know I’ve only been with you guys for a few months, but honestly, I don’t know what’s more impressive, your technology or your level-headedness under insane fire. Feeling very much like the amateur I am, Captain.”

“You handled yourself well out there, little bird. I’m impressed,” his praise rushed through you like adrenaline, and you basked in it. 

“Thanks, Cap,” you smiled, drinking the broth of your soup and packing up your MRE trash into its bag. 

“You smoke cigars, love?”

It was midnight before you even considered going to bed. You and Price had stayed up in the kitchen, smoking and chatting in the dark, only illuminated by the glow of your ashes. The snow fluttered down outside, layering itself on the ground like a pile of white sheets. There’d be at least two feet of it at the door tomorrow morning. 

“...and I got this one in Amsterdam, chasing some smugglers out of the wharf. Motherfucker stabbed me right through the arm. Missed the bones, thank Christ. But, that’s not the bad one.”

You were telling each other stories about your scars, and you were in all states of dress. It was warm with the space heater, and you were comfortable around each other. Aside from admiring the mountainous swell of his shoulders and chest, you tried not to think much of it. He was hot, but he wasn’t interested. You just had a small crush. It would pass. 

Okay, maybe a big crush. But, you had some self-control. 

Some. 

“Oh,” he leaned across the table to get closer and look at your arm, “What was the bad one?”

You blushed, not that he could see it, 

“It’s in a certain spot. Not sure you want to - ”

“Don’t make me beg, little bird,” he smirked, rolling his eyes at your modesty. 

He was right, of course. You weren’t sure why you were shy. 

Liar. You were shy because you had an enormous, filthy crush on your commanding officer. 

You tucked your elbow beneath your shirt and pulled it up over your chest, showing him your sternum,

“This one. It’s a - ”

“Flare burn,” he whispered, his demeanor changing from jovial to serious very quickly. 

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

He was silent for a long time. You watched as Price too a big mouthful of cigar smoke before letting it billow around him, looking like a big, brooding dragon in the quiet room. 

“How’d you get it?” He asked, avoiding your question. 

“Enemy trap. They rigged the door to blow a flare. My vest, all my plate, none of it mattered. The flare burned so hot that it cut right through the gear like butter. If it wasn’t for our medic knowing that he needed to knock it out, I would’ve died. Three weeks in the med bay. It was bad.”

Price reached out slowly, almost as if not to scare you, and touched the circular wound. It wasn’t sexual, but that didn’t stop you from immediately feeling aroused by having his hands on you. You shuddered involuntarily, and he jerked his hand back. The silence in the room was suffocating.

“Sorry, little bird,” he whispered his apology, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” you chuckled, taking a drag of his cigar for yourself, trying to calm down, “Uh, no.”

“What?” He prodded, not realizing what truth he was asking you for.

“It’s nothing, sir,” you stood up from the table, trying to escape, and forgetting you were in a 200 square foot house. 

He stood with you, reaching out to touch your shoulder. You sighed into his contact against your will, feeling the stress of the day melt away as he did. 

“It just…” You tried to throw him a hint, “Feels good, you know. To be touched. Been a long time… sorry, sir.” 

“Told you to swallow those sirs, little bird,” he whispered in a low rumble, putting his other hand on your other shoulder, grabbing you gently. 

There was very little space between your bodies now that you were away from the table, standing in the no-man’s-land between the bed and the kitchenette. It smelled like sweat and tobacco and 1987 in there, and you were breathing hard, nervous and desperate for him to do something to you that he couldn’t take back. 

“Sorry,” you said under your breath, not knowing what else to tell him.

Price lifted your chin up to meet his eyes, grabbing your jaw firmly, but gently. In the blackness of the night, the moon reflected only a little of his icy blue eyes, and the glow from his cigar made his face appear sharp and saurian. You didn’t expect for his touch to be so light. Just hours ago, he’d snapped a man’s neck with these same hands, and now he was passing the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip like you were the petal of an orchid, careful not to bruise you. 

“I’m trying,” his breath was ragged as he confessed, “I promise, I’m trying to let it go, little bird.”

“Let what go?” You put your hands on his hips, trying to steady yourself, feeling dizzy with lust and fear. 

“My desire,” he put his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, struggling, “Turn me away. Please, little bird. End my fucking torment. I’ll never mention it again. I swear it.”

You kissed him, pressing your lips into his chastely but firmly, enjoying the heat and the smoothness of his skin, the smell and the feel of his beard, coated in tobacco smoke and his own sweat. The comforting spice of the chili lingering on his mouth. He breathed in like you’d pressed a hot iron brand into him, blissful pain radiating through his body, pulling you in close to his chest. He deepened the kiss, slanting his mouth against yours, moving your skull with his powerful jaws, leading you, commanding and strong in his desire. 

“Love, don’t… don’t do this. Not unless you mean it. I’m bloody beggin’ you.”

You smiled, resting your nose alongside his, kissing him again slowly and carefully before answering him, 

“I mean it, John. I mean it.”

Reblogs and comments deeply appreciated! <3 <3

AO3 Link

[daniigh0ul]

simblr story recommendations pt 1/?

hi i have been reading a ton of stories in this community for the past several months and i thought it'd be fun to recommend some of them to you all! these are sorted by genre with a small blurb for each! i also included if the story is still being updated or if it's a finished story! :) i didn't include content warnings because most, if not all, have warnings listed on their pages, ty! this post is long but i didnt want to put anything under a read more cut so !!

fantasy/supernatural

@madebysimblr the princess and me status: complete

cordy steele is in college and not taking it very seriously when raina comes into her life. while they may not get along at first, it is a pleasure and a joy to watch their friendship form and grow with them. this story made cordy my favorite from coffee's SIMnematic universe, and i hope she will become yours, too. :D

crime/mafia

@earthmoonz wifey status: ongoing do you want to read about a queer relationship forming while both deal with their grief with the backdrop of crime in london??? then read this!! it is so cinematic and well-done!!! i am rooting for max and lena til the end

royalty, baby

@nexility-sims 1992 status: ongoing

follow leonor as she navigates grief in the public eye--this is a prequel/spin-off of n's main story, which is also very good, and reading both gives you extra context and i fully believe 1992 is worth the read for the cinematic nature of it as well as the wonderful prose. if you support women's wrongs, i highly recommend you read this.

@armoricaroyalty the house of st. fleur status: ongoing

do you want to watch a family push each other's buttons while navigating royal life? do you want to support women's wrongs and become apart of the Worst Man's hate club? then this story is for you!

@bridgeportbritt simdonia status: ongoing

follow along as bria wu marries into royalty life and all of the ins-and-outs of that new life as she navigates her family life, her relationship with her new husband, and as her kids grow up and navigate their own relationships and lives. the drama is so good and it's such a blast to read!

slice of life/legacy

@lynzishell star sign legacy status: ongoing the story starts with phoenix as a teenager, and follows him into his adulthood--we follow along as he navigates love, loss, anger issues, and a little bit of trauma go a long way, but what i really love is how the relationships form over time, whether they be romantic or platonic and now i am too invested in phoenix and the people in his life!! and i hope you will be, too! @elderwisp tessellate status: ongoing this ensemble cast are navigating their twenties and their relationships, but secrets and tensions lie underneath--will anyone get what they want? girl i don't know but it's fun to watch everything unfold and it's beautifully edited so 10/10 do recommend @honeyjars-sims safe harbor status: ongoing do you want to follow along as three siblings navigate their young adult years while dealing with trauma and the complicated experience that is navigating your early adulthood? then read this !! there are drag queens, a nightmare, and love--romantic and familial and platonic--and i guarantee you will become invested in these's characters' lives. @hannahssimblr lucky girl status: complete

evie is probably the most relatable girl you'll ever read about. she's insecure, she's in love with a boy, some of her friends suck, others don't. as we follow her through her young adult years, we watch her navigate her love of a boy, her naivety and later, her wisdom, as she grows up. and will she get the boy in the end?? you'll have to read it to find out !! @sirianasims the duchelli legacy status: ongoing i think my favorite part of siri's storytelling is reading about her sims navigate their family relationships--usually in the form of a parent getting their act together for their kid(s)!! but there's also space travel, romance, friendships, and general chaos and it's such a fun read so i highly recommend it!!

[tekumaniac311]

Open Arms: Mission part 1

The Critters ship was en route to the dead planet where the Bloodline factory was, inside Dogday and Catnap was speaking to Drago via hologram, detailing what was going on.

"Our ship will rendezvous in on hour outside the planet's atmosphere, from there we'll head down their via our cycles. We go in, find Dogbite and get the hell out." Dogday explained to Drago. Just then, FixFox popped into the hologram next to Drago "I got something for a bonus." Dogday looked at her with a raised brow "It's a rescue mission, Fox."

"I know, I know." FixFox said "But Poppy told us that we can also blow up this factory, it can put a major dent in the Cult's plan. I may have just the thing." FixFox left the hologram before returning with a strange device "It's a small but powerful bomb, we attach a few of these at key points around the factory and bang!"

Dogday nodded "Okay, but no one is blowing anything up til we are all out safe with Dogbite. Clear?" Drago and FixFox nodded "Captain, we're not far from the dead planet!" Picky called out. "We'll see you there." Dogday said to Drago as he ended the call.

"Hey, Captain. You think the Seraphim will be there?" Hoppy asked "I don't know, but frankly I don't really care. I just need to rescue my brother, not fight." Dogday explained. Soon after, both ships arrived outside the orbit of the dead planet, each team member donned their helmets and got on their cycles ready to fly down.

"Remember the plan, we go in, keep the Bloodlines busy, set the bombs while I find my brother, once i've got him we get away as far as possible, then FixFox will hit the detonator." Everyone all responded with "Right!"

"Let's do this. Hang on, little brother..." Dogday said as he guided the cycles down to the planets surface. They landed and looked at the distant factory. "Can I just stay in the ship..?" Lean Lemur asked, not wanting to go in. "It's all hands on deck, honey. Just stick with me, okay?" Mama Mammoth told him. "Let's do this!" Hoppy said with confidence "We got this, Dogbite's gonna be okay." Leopardaisy added.

With that the 15 Riders headed off towards the factory, but as they did they heard a cycle land behind them, turning they saw Z as he fabricated a rifle via his wrist. "Z?" Dogday asked. "Yeah, I heard what's going down via Poppy. I'll help you save that punk." Z spoke

That last word triggered something in Dogday "Hey! He's my brother, it's my fault he's been misguided and acting like this." Z just shook his head "I tried to stop him, captain. But he wouldn't f###in listen and got himself into this mess." Dogday got even more furious "He has just been mislead, Z! And I'm going to help him back on the right path!"

Before the two could argue, Catnap walked in between the two "Let's not act like children, alright?" Dogday and Z then looked at eachother "Sorry, I.." They both said in unison "Come on, let's go save Dogbite." Prettybird spoke. They headed off and stealthily approached the outside perimeter of the factory.

Picky using some binoculars looked out and saw a ship taking off, FixFox recognized the ship "That's the Seraphim's personal ship.." Berserkerine crossed his arms, disappointed "Man, I was gonna crack her head for what she did to Dogbite." Dogday instead just shook his head. "With Seraphim gone our mission will be a lot easier, let's move in and place the explosives. Z, Drago and Catnap your with me. Crafty you and Bobby go with Berserkerine and FixFox. Bubba your with Lemur and Mama. Picky and Hoppy your both with Leopardaisy, let's move out!"

The groups head in and spread out as they began to plant FixFox's bombs in key points, electricity generators, the labs, the cloning facility and other vital places to the factory, all seemed well as they stayed hidden but meanwhile as Prettybird and Kickin were planting some themselves, a cultist spotted them "What the?! SPACE RIDERS!!" Rushing, the cultist hit the alarm which blared across the factory.

"Alright, let's have some fun" Hoppy said in battle stance." Dogday alerted everybody "Alright, everyone! The cult's spotted us, they'll be throwing everything they got at us, we'll find Dogbite as quickly as we can!" Soon everyone prepared to attack the cultists, kicking each of their tails to kingdom come.

Meanwhile in one of the control rooms, the cult priest who was left in command of the factory was informed of the intruders and the damage they were causing "Release..release the Bloodlines, all of them!" He ordered "But..their not ready!" But the priest shook his head "Release them all, we must protect the factory."

Gulping, the cult pushed a button and a second siren blared as around the base, enclosures of both finished and unfinished Bloodline monsters.

"Folks, looks like we woke the neighbors." Leopardaisy said "Plan, cap?" Kickin asked "We hit them hard, me, Catnap, Drago and Z will find Dogbite while you keep these freaks busy."

Everyone responded with a "Right!" As the Bloodline monsters approached, it'll be difficult of course, but to save one of their one, they will take the risk.

TO BE CONTINUED

Space Riders AU belong to @onyxonline

[whore-era]

collage!ellie x reader hcs? <3

a/n: im gonna assume u meant college!ellie so HERE IT GOES just for you anon friend <3 sorry for how short it is kfkdkkd

tlou 2 university: college!ellie x reader headcanons <3 18+

i have a feeling ellie is either a biology major, engineering major, or a physics/astrophysics major (cuz our girl loooves space), meaning she's extremely intelligent and does very well in class!! she's always answering the professor's questions, taking notes, paying attention. when you struggle with any science/math related subjects, she's ALWAYS willing to tutor you. but, this doesn't mean she's just gonna give you the answers, she's gonna make sure you actually learn and study, even using any means possible — like having you strip off a piece of clothing every time you get an answer wrong and making it a fun time for the both of you.

when you have important projects/papers/quizzes/exams to do that day, she'll make sure to send an encouraging message. don't get me wrong, she always does, but on especially important days like these, she'll always make sure to send an extra special one <3 'good morning baby! you're gonna fucking KILL this chemistry exam babe! you worked your ass off and you're gonna do amazing and get the highest score ❤️ i love you my smart girl let me know what you get when you're done' 'ty els <3 i love you most babe ! i'm abt to start talk to u laterrrr 🏃🏻‍♀️'

ellie will always fulfill her girlfriend duties and walk you to and pick you from classes! even tho she's always a tiny bit late because your class was all the way across campus from hers, but she wants to make sure you're protected and safe so she doesn't care either way! and she'll always carry your books for you, making sure you don't strain or 'hurt' yourself (her words not yours). "els, i have two, capable working arms!!" you whine, as she takes the textbook off your hands, "and so? what if you get a muscle spasm? or you sprain your hand?" she retorts, "by a two pound book?" ellie shrugs, "the possibility is never zero, babe."

when ellie has a project or an essay to work on, it'll be a little difficult to reach her as she gets in the zone when she's working. you'll probably send her some texts throughout the day to check in on her, but as the day progresses you'll find yourself worrying and thinking about stopping by her dorm with dinner because you already know she hadn't ate all day from being cooped up in her room typing away:

you - 9:30 am: els! just got out of class!! gnna go get some lunch w jesse :) hope ur doin okay <3

you - 11:45 am: miss u babe hope ur work is coming along great !!!

you - 2:21 pm: havent heard from u......kinda worried....hope u have been eating n staying hydrated missy >:(

you - 5:56 pm: ok i'm On my way! to ur dorm rn w/ dinner i already know u haven't ate yet n ur gonna feel my wrath

you - 5:56 pm: ignore that extremely enthusiastic On my way! it autocorrected im still mad at u

hearing the booming pounding on her door, ellie takes off her earbuds and walks to the door, opening it. to her surprise, you're standing there, take-out in hand, and a grumpy expression gracing your face. "do you know what time it is? have you even ate yet, ellie williams-miller?" ellie grimaces at the sound of her full, government name leaving your lips. "i'm so sorry, babe. i was working all day, i didn't even realize how much time had passed 'til you showed up," ellie mutters, her stomach grumbling on cue. you hand her the take-out from her favorite spot on campus, and she graciously takes it from your hands. "you better be thankful you have a very caring and worrisome girlfriend, els," you say, "i really missed you today." a smile curls on ellie's lips, "i know, baby. here, let me take a little break from my paper, and i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

and that night, ellie was extremely thankful she worked on most of her paper, as she completely disregarded anymore work as she decided she'd rather fulfill her appetite by eating you out instead. leaving her take-out cold and untouched. but hey, she held her part of the deal and indeed made it up to you.

that was also how 5 papers ended up taped up against her dorm-room door, complaining of the 'fucking loud ass moans' the morning after.

"how'd they even know it was us?" ellie queries, reading over the complaints. "oh wait, it says here 'please tell your girlfriend to keep it down. she was screaming your name all night. thank you for reminding us who lives in dorm 114.'" needless to say, you were red as a tomato and it gutted you to leave her dorm, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you walked down the hall.

let me know if yall would like more college!ellie hcs!! <3

[princessbrunette]

kinktober : oct 31st (happy halloween!)

modern!anakin x aftercare

wow, finally at the end! here’s some much needed aftercare after a month of filthy smut. if you’re a new follower who has joined me along my kinktober journey, hi! i’m so happy you’re here and i hope you stay! if you’ve been with me from the start, i appreciate you sm. i see all your requests and i can’t wait to get to them. 🎀

it always takes you a while to come back to yourself after anakin fucks you.

it’s a combination of things, the exhaustion — considering he’ll never allow you to only cum once, and will often drag it out for as long as he can. the physical exertion on your body from the different positions you’d be held in would cause you to completely black out for a while, finally able to rest your head on the pillow whilst you catch your breath, thighs violently trembling. of course, a huge defining factor of why you would drift from reality for a moment would be due to how deep in subspace ani would have you. he’s so naturally dominant as it is, so when you fuck — best believe by the end you’ll feel reduced down to a being that purely exists to receive his praise, or please him, or whatever it is that day.

you always hear him before you feel him, it’s the procedure.

“baby.” he cooes quietly, still a little breathless himself. “you did well, sweetheart. my best girl, did so good for me.. gonna hold you now, that okay?” his voice is familiar, deep, comforting — but you’re still drifting through space. you don’t know how, but you manage a nod. you always do, you can’t bare to be apart from him any longer. after sex, you’re usually at your most clingy — needing him to ground you and cater to you until you’re back to yourself again.

“theeere we go.” he scoops you into his arms, pulling your cheek to his chest. he’s clammy, and so are you — but you can hear his heart thrumming against your ear and it just helps. he’s here. you’re here. it’s all okay.

“how was that, baby? any pain? don’t have to talk, can show me if you like.” anakin rasps, peeling himself back ever so slightly. you whine urgently, worried he’s pulling away from you fully and his gaze snaps towards you, keeping a firm but gentle hand on your back. “hey? you’re alright? i’m not going anywhere, my love. just need to see you, that’s all.” he comforts, the hand on your back now rubbing in a circle.

“don’t go.” a small voice leaves you, half muffled in his chest, your fingers digging into his thick tattooed bicep and you feel him nod.

“m’not. not going anywhere til you want me to. i’m gonna ask you my questions though, that okay?” he thumbs at the back of your neck, trying his best to make you feel cradled in his clutch. you nod, permitting him.

“okay sweet girl. are you hurting anywhere?” he repeats. it always astounds you how he manages to keep his voice so calm and… in charge. you’re not making any effort to claw your way out of your submissive mindset, infact if anything you’re sinking further into that hole but that was okay. it was warm and safe there, and sometimes you needed to cling on just a little longer.

“no. you were soft.” you speak and he kisses the top of your head in silent praise for speaking.

“yeah, i was nice on you today, hm?” he hums, pulling you impossibly closer. “are you gonna let me clean you up? or do you wanna cuddle?” he tilts his head, attempting to look at you. you lean upwards, wrapping your arms around his neck. “i’ll take that as cuddle.” he huffs out a laugh at your little groan into his neck, probably leaking your shared finish out of you and onto him.

“mhm.”

“mmmhm.” he repeats, adjusting to be more comfortable until you’re fully on top of him. “there she is. did a number on you today huh?” he rests a hand behind his head, looking down at you. you don’t respond, and he doesn’t expect you to— he’ll be there to hold you as long as you need.

[frvnkcastles]

I feel shithouse for asking since I'm not a girlie, bur I was! Trans guy here but honestly a trauma ex girlie!

Can I request something with a reader (doesn't matter the pronouns if you feel more comfy writing she/her that's chill!) Where the reader is asked to come to Christmas with their family, and frank is a plus one bur you're worried as your family are alcoholics (starting drinking at like 10 til late) and the reader is trying to cut down but their family is really pushy and feels like they're gonna fall back into bad patterns and Frank pulls them away for an hour just talking and smoking a cigarette as the readers the only dart smoker in the family as they've all transitioned to vaping?

(Maybe just mother, brother, sister in law and reader +frank, and possibly the radio keeps turning on and off and the family calling out readers grandparents in the afterlife as the cause v much jokingly?)

YOU’RE THE ONLY PLACE THAT FEELS LIKE HOME ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: When you have to deal with your alcoholic family, Frank is there to support you.

Warnings: Alcoholism, implied past abuse, mention of deceased grandparents, reader smokes, language, gender neutral reader

Word count: 1.7k

Author’s note: Anon, don’t feel bad at all!! This is a safe space for everyone no matter what and you’re 100% welcome here. I do wish more of my fics were gender neutral but often my ideas come from my own experiences as a mentally ill/traumatized woman and when I get requests, they usually mention she/her pronouns. That said, while I don’t really know how to write from the perspective of a man, I have no problem writing a gender neutral reader if it’s specified. Also, I am very sorry you had to wait such a long time for this, I hope you like it!! Sending you lots of love <3

When your family invited you to spend the holidays with them, you instinctively knew you were in for an uncomfortable time. Since you had moved out, you had tried to keep your distance and unlearn the bad habits that you had developed at home — like drinking. That was your first and foremost concern, having to witness their drunken behavior and how the situation would most likely escalate sooner or later, as it always did. You had done a great job of cutting down but you feared that being back in their company would force you to undo all your progress.

The one good thing about the whole thing was that they didn’t protest you bringing Frank along. He made most shitty situations better just by being present, and you instantly felt heard and comforted when he agreed to come with you. Frankly, he was opposed to the mere thought of letting you go alone, knowing all about your complicated family history and therefore determined to support you through every encounter.

”Y’know you’re allowed to decline, yeah? Don’t wanna see you puttin’ yourself through shit just ’cause they’re askin’”, he reminded as you were getting ready to leave for your mother’s house. Pulling on his jacket, he eyed you, looking for any hint of hesitation on your face, but you were doing a good job at putting up a brave front. You wanted to keep the peace, and admittedly, a little bit of you missed your family and ached to spend time with them, even if you knew it probably wouldn’t end well.

”Thanks, Frankie. It’s okay, I want to go. Just… need you by my side”, you sighed, and nodding, Frank stepped over to you to press a kiss on your temple, brief but full of emotion.

”You got me, darlin’. I ain’t goin’ anywhere”, he assured before taking your hand and steering you out the door.

He encouraged you to take deep breaths during the drive over, noticing with ease how anxiety was starting to manifest in your bouncing leg and chewed bottom lip. You tried to take Frank’s advice and keep yourself calm, but as soon as you arrived at the house, you came to the conclusion the night was already becoming more intense than you had anticipated.

There was a haze of drunken stupor in the air and loud chatter filled every room, tipping almost over to downright shouting. Bottles and cans littered the tables and the realization that everyone was already drunk unsettled you, making you swallow hard as you reached for Frank’s hand. He squeezed tight, unwavering as he stood next to you.

”Finally! Took you long enough”, your brother noticed you standing by the door, and he rushed to you, shoving a bottle of beer into your hands. You shook your head and handed it back over to him, which earned a scoff from me. ”What, you too good for us now?” he mocked, but he didn’t linger to hear your response, just stomped back to the dining room where your mother was setting up dinner.

You glanced at Frank, and he directed an affirming nod at you, giving you the strength and will to walk to the dining table with him right behind you. You exchanged greetings with your mother who was clearly tipsy at the very least, and your attempts to make conversation went unheard and unnoticed. You supposed it was a good thing — they weren’t actively picking fights with you, at least.

Frank, ever the gentleman, helped bring in all the food and the plates, with the same goal as you: keeping the peace. He wasn’t interested in befriending your family because of all the trauma they had bestowed upon you, but for your sake, he remained cordial and polite. That said, he was ready to defend you at the smallest thing.

As everyone sat down for dinner, your mother poured you a glass of liquour and you instantly felt opposed to the idea. ”Oh, I don’t really drink anymore”, you tried, and in an instant, your mother and brother exchanged looks that were judgmental as well as surprised.

”One drink won’t kill you”, your mother insisted, continuing to pour until the glass was filled to the brim. You licked your lips nervously, but unwilling to start a full-blown argument by refusing, you reached for the glass.

Frank stopped you, however. ”They don’t gotta drink anythin’ they don’t wanna”, he spoke firmly, his tone stern enough to warn everyone not to start with him. You smiled softly at him and he squeezed your thigh in response, keeping you close to him in the hopes that his warmth would ground you in the otherwise anxiety-inducing environment.

Your mother opened her mouth to retort something, but she was cut off by the radio crackling, quickly redirecting her attention. ”Must be your grandparents again”, she commented with a laugh, one you didn’t return. You shuffled uncomfortably in your seat and Frank gave your arm a comforting caress, his eyes darting between you and your family. He hated seeing you in these situations that only distressed you, and he wished there was more he could have done to help.

But he tried by gaining control of the conversation. It was a gesture you appreciated greatly, especially because you knew he was most definitely not the kind of man who participated in small-talk. He was used to sitting back and observing, but right now, you didn’t have the capacity to keep chatting and he didn’t mind taking the reins on your behalf. He kept your mother busy so that she wouldn’t have the chance to push you to drink, but your brother still jumped at the opportunity.

”You’re really not gonna drink that? God, you really have changed. Can’t even have a drink with your family anymore”, he rolled his eyes, trying his very best to guilt you into having a sip, and it almost worked. You were moments away from cracking under the pressure, but once again, Frank came to your rescue.

”We’re, uh, we’re gon’ get some fresh air. Excuse us”, Frank informed curtly, his words respectful but his tone cold, just like the look in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let you sit there as the target of their complaints anymore, and so, he helped you up from the seat and guided you outside into the refreshing air.

You exhaled heavily as you dug out a cigarette with shaky hands, and Frank ran his hand across his face in frustration. He was seething, feeling so much anger towards your family for being so pushy with you, and he was desperate to just carry you in the car and take you home right now.

”We ain’t gotta stay, baby. The way they treat you… makes me real upset for you. Just say the word and I’ll take you home, got that?” he swore, his eyes piercing yours as you inhaled the cigarette. You pondered on his offer, and you couldn’t deny that it sounded tempting — it wasn’t a good time so far, and you doubted it was getting any better with all the alcohol they were consuming nonstop.

”Yeah, I don’t really want to stay for long. Let’s just get through dinner and then we’ll go?” you suggested, and sucking in a breath, Frank bowed his head in an agreeing nod.

”Whatever you wanna do. But I ain’t lettin’ you drink when you’ve done so well without any”, he decided with a point of his finger, and with an appreciative smile curling your lips, you reached for his forearm and squeezed.

”Thank you, Frankie. This would suck a lot more without you”, you noted, and with a quiet chuckle, Frank shrugged.

”Yeah, well, I’d need a damn good reason not to be here for you. I don’t want you to deal with all this all by yourself, y’know?” he explained, stepping closer to you and winding an arm over your shoulders. He pulled you closer, and while making sure you wouldn’t get ash on him, you leaned into him and enjoyed the feeling of his firm body against yours.

”I know it sucks. It’s just… they’re my family. I’ve realized it’s not healthy for me to spend a lot of time with them but sometimes I miss them”, you admitted quietly, a little embarrassed to speak the truth, but Frank wouldn’t judge you.

He pressed a kiss into your hair, in fact. ”I hear ya. It ain’t easy to cut off the people you’ve grown up with. I’m proud of you, anyway. You’re doin’ so great, hear me?” he emphasized, wanting you to know that he admired your strength. You were the most amazing person he knew and he would never let you forget that.

”You’re so sweet”, you muttered, shy under his praise and deep stare, and he reacted with a snort.

”That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that ’bout me, sweetheart”, he declared, and it made you laugh — even if you strongly felt like he should hear it all the time.

Sighing, you put out your cigarette. ”I guess we should head back inside”, you gave in, but with a tut, Frank pulled you back from the door.

”I mean, they ain’t exactly lookin’ for us yet. We’re in no hurry, yeah? We can take a moment, just you and me”, he proposed instead, and you didn’t take much convincing, especially with his dark eyes looking so soft and caring as they bore into yours. There was a small, hopeful smile on his lips, and that was enough to reel you in.

”I’d like that”, you agreed before leaning in to kiss his cheek. ”Thanks for everything, Frank. This really means a lot”, you added, and caressing your hair, he shook his head.

”Ya gotta stop thankin’ me, darlin’. I’m just doin’ what I can to help. And treatin’ you the way you deserve, aight?” he countered, serious about being good to you. And so far, he had been successful in every way.

It was going to be a long night, but you felt encouraged with Frank by your side, and you knew you had a way out if you just told him you wanted to go. It didn’t erase all your problems with your family, but it was safe to say you had found a new one in Frank.

[squishyneet]

·˚ ༘₊· SACRED NEMESES ꒰➳ LOOKISM ༊*·˚

tw: pure angst (and whatever Gitae got goin on), implied sexual assault, groping, brief description of blood, description of dissociation, malnutrition, also huge spoiler warning

I've been callin' ya

Ryohei knocked for the seventh time that day, slumped against Mitsuki's door, anxiously hoping she might finally come out. "Mitsuki, dear . . . you have to . . . have to eat something," he managed, somewhat deprived of energy himself as a result of his resolution to monitor her. "I'll help you . . . if you can't do it by yourself . . ." Ryohei's eyes fluttered shut as he passed out safely against Mitsuki's door, unaware of the tears hitting the floor on the other side.

But you won't pick up

"Don't worry, Gyeoul. I will protect you no matter what." Gyeoul stared flatly at Hangyeoul, his dear pathetic and dutiful brother, and wondered he could possibly be thinking. Did he really believe such a feat was achievable? His weak brother who succumbed to coercion, who never once fought for himself was supposedly going to protect him? "I told you to stop saying things like that."

'Nother fortnight lost in America

"That James Lee is merely a dog I keep on a leash. He does his master's bidding," Charles Choi grimly remarked to Gun, clearly disturbed by the mere thought of the man. James listened mindlessly from outside the room, staring and spacing out. "His strength and history don't matter anymore as long as I have him under my heel." James foggily recalled his dear memories of fighting the Kings, people he may have called friends if not for his current situation. He kind of missed that Jichang.

Move to Florida!!!

Thick and syrupy blood still dripped from the walls of Kenta's house when walked to his room to pack his things to move to Seoul. He silently and mechanically folded his clothes, took a tooth brush, and drank some water. Metallic taste lingering deep in his throat, he made his way to the airport feeling, despite only carrying one loosely filled backpack, heavier than ever. He wondered about Seoul, partially worried about how he won't fit in and partially because thinking about his hometown made his stomach churn inside out.

Buy the car you want

Fatigue had ploddingly taken Eugene in his office. Cheeks hollow and eyes going blurry, he impatiently stuck a blank flash drive into his laptop to copy the footage of Gyeoul's kidnapping. He rested his face on his hand and sluggishly gazed at the sun going down, faintly hoping this might finally be enough to make the case against Charles Choi. The chairman of Workers fell asleep in a Rolls-Royce on a dreamy car ride home to the thought of his nemesis, slackly covered in a blanket stored for him.

But it won't start up til you touch, touch, touch me

Jinyoung browsed through his old notebooks, full of information regarding his beloved drugs, ingredients, their combinations, and the like. Messy notes and revisions scribbled in margins and the occasional doodle made by Gapryong or Lightning. He steadily reviewed them as he always had when he got an idea for a new drug. He leisurely recalls a time when he could go out with his friends, study anywhere he pleased, and feel the sunlight on his skin. Now, he is pale with sinking eyes and a blindness to the smell of rubbing alcohol in his lab as he mourns his youth sanctified in faded pages.

I've been callin' ya

"You're leaving?" Daniel murmured, confused. Eli stopped idly in his tracks, hands in pockets, unresponsive. "Is it because you can't afford to go to school anymore?" Daniel lamented quietly, looking away. " . . . I have a family to take care of, Daniel," Eli stated simply. "Please don't worry about me." "Well, if you need help . . ." Daniel began but Eli had already proceeded through the main exit to the courtyard, and his half-hearted offer fell on unwilling ears.

But you won't pick up

"I've already drank with somebody else," Gun expressed calmly. Is this Stockholm syndrome? Goo's chest hurt. He was right. There was no such thing as making friends in Korea and everyone was just as superficial as they seemed. He drank by himself, distracting his mind by pondering how much of his things to take when he moves out of that damn cage of a house. At least he wouldn't have to worry about being groped while cooking anymore. That kinda hurt.

'Nother fortnight lost in America

'Thing were more peaceful with him around.' 'The Kings came so close.' Jichang heard these never ending observations bounce around in his head as he filled his car with the last of his belongings. His brothers were already made comfortable at their new home. Jaw clenched and seething, he mentally bids goodbye and sets off from Seoul for the last time into the blazing sunlight and hot winds of Chungcheong, determined not to lose his new kingdom before he had even claimed it.

Move to Florida!!!

'I'm going back to Mexico.' Gitae tucked his phone into his back pocket, blowing smoke through barely parted lips outside the airport. He shivered and exhaled heavily, eager to leave and to smoke one last cigarette before his flight. The idea that he ever resembled his father made his blood boil and he's glad the rat bastard is dead. He sharply put out the cigarette in the allotted tray, making a mental note to work on his Spanish and to buy a new axe when he arrived. The sight of his hometown made his head spin.

Buy the car you want

Na Jaegyeon writhed weakly against a wall as he felt lips brush his ear. "Do you taste good too, little boy?" Flustered, he held his breath and tried to avoid eye contact. He had the misfortune of visiting Seoul at precisely the wrong time and was approached in an alley by Gitae Kim, against whom he certainly did not stand a chance. "Or should I bring you to Mexico with me? They'll like you over there," Gitae whispered, low and arousing. Jaegyeon shuddered when he felt strong hands snaking around his waist and a warm mouth start to probe his neck. He never should have gotten in the car.

But it won't start up til I touch, touch, touch you

Taesoo was visiting of his own accord. Seongji's grave was silent, clean, and furnished with a multitude of flowers. He dearly missed the time when he could entertain the thought of the Kings acting like family, argumentative as some of them were. He missed the time when peace truly seemed like an option for Korea, fragmented as it was. And he missed Seongji, close as he seemed before his eyes.

Lyrics from 'Fortnight', Taylor Swift, The Tortured Poets Department

[imiwrites]

Moon Song

Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

So I'll wait for the next time you want me

Like a dog with a bird at your door

Sypnosis: Sirius was the best boyfriend you could've asked for. Until he wasn't.

WC: 5.0k (it's a pretty long one but it's worth it i swear)

Warnings: ANGSTY, cheating, second chances, toxic relationships, use of Y/N,

A/N: i was listening to Phoebe Bridgers then this idea struck. Orginally inspired by Georgia and then I realised it was more Moon Song vibes. Enjoyyy.

masterlist

Sirius Black is the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. Handsome, chivalrous, funny. The list was endless. You couldn’t even name a single bad trait he had. 

You love him, of course. Endlessly. More than words could describe. 

I’m going to marry this man, was a thought that was constantly in your mind, bringing a grin to your face every time. 

It pops in your head when he holds your hand walking down the halls, or when he kisses you senseless, or when he hugs you so tight, that you truly believe your body has never felt safer. 

So yes, it was safe to say that Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could ask for. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞« 

“Well good morning to you.” Sirius grins up at you, lying on the couch in the common room. 

You had just woken up. You are not a morning person. You yawn, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to make you more alert. 

“Mornin’.” You lazily smile back at him. 

Sirius sat up on the couch, patting the space next to him. “Come sit, love.”

You smile at him gratefully, leaning your head against the solidness of his chest. 

“Much better.” You say softly, smiling up at him. 

Best boyfriend ever. 

“I’m going out tonight. With James. Ravenclaw’s throwing a party. I know they aren’t really your thing, but you know I would love it if you wanted to come with me.” Sirius whispers into your hair.

You hum, giving it thought.

“You’re right. Not really my scene. But, as a compromise, I’ll wait up in the common room ‘til you come back.” 

Sirius frowns at that. 

“Don’t wanna keep you up, love. It’s fine if you just go to bed, y’know. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.” You laugh softly, the sensation tickling Sirius’ neck.

“I’m not waiting up because I don’t think you can take care of myself. I’m waiting up because I like seeing you. And, besides, you are really funny when you’re drunk.”

Sirius snorts, but nods his head in agreement.

“Alright, love. I’ll come back early for you, don’t worry.”

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

“I love him,” you gush, resting your head in Lily’s lap, your eyes heavy.

She smiled lopsidedly at you, her fingers twisting through your hair, plaiting small braids in your hair. 

“Really?” she says, a sarcastic tone to her voice, “You don’t say.” You lightly tap her arm, ignoring her mocking. “Haha. Very funny, Lils. Don’t tell me you don’t act the same with James.”

That gets a reaction out of her, making her pale cheeks a soft red.

“I’m just saying,” she shrugs, looking away in embarrassment, her hands continuing to braid your hair. 

James had come back an hour earlier, and you’d stuck to your promise to Sirius that the pair of you had made earlier. Lily, being the fiercely loyal friend she is, insisted on waiting up with you. 

The common room door opened, and you could hear Sirius voice, albeit slurred, echoing through the space. 

Your face light up, and you immediately sat up from Lily’s lap, getting ready to see your boyfriend. 

That was, until you heard another voice with him. A female voice.

Confused, you took a step forward, trying to determine who Sirius was with. 

A girl. A girl, whose arm was wrapped around Sirius’ own. They were laughing, and she was getting really close to him, being insanely touchy with him. You could’ve sworn you heard the shatter of your heart, then and there.

“Sirius?” you whisper, eyes filling with tears. 

He didn’t notice you properly at first, too occupied with the girl who was quite literally hanging off him. But when he saw you, he looked guilty.

Your perfect boyfriend, the one who saw every side of you, the one who could lighten your mood with just a smile, the one who could do no wrong. 

Yet, here he was, with another girl.

“Y/N, I-” he starts. His words are thick, and you can smell the stench of firewhisky, despite the distance between you two. 

“Save it.” you whisper, turning your back on him, hurriedly rushing up the stairs so he wouldn’t see the tears in you eyes. 

“Lily, you know I would never do something like this. I-I swear.” Sirius spoke slowly, tentatively watching Lily.

“You should tell that to her, not me.” Lily spoke, harshly calm. “But it’s not looking good Sirius. You know that.”

And with that, she walked away, leaving Sirius Black stranded in the common room. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞« 

The next morning was, unsurprisingly, met with a flurry of apologies from Sirius. Usually, your heart would melt at the sight of him begging for your forgiveness. Hell, you would’ve found it romantic if you weren’t thinking about what he was apologising for. But instead, you let Lily lead you away. 

Your red nose and tired eyes did not escape Sirius’ view, and it made him feel terrible. He didn’t mean it, he knew he didn’t. You weren’t at the party, so, in typically Sirius nature, he went to the first girl that held an even slight resemblance to you. He wouldn’t have made a move on her, he had thought, but his recollection of the night was hazy. 

He wouldn’t have made a move on her, would he? You were too important to him. He could never…

God, he fucked up big time.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

It seemed the universe knew about his fuck up, too. He couldn’t get you alone at all. He needed to see you. This past day had been pure torture for him, all he could think about was apologizing to you. 

“She’ll come around, don’t worry, Padfoot,” James says, trying to comfort the boy. 

“But what if she doesn’t, James! Don’t you get it? I fucked up. Majorly. God, I don’t think she’s gonna come around. She deserves so much more than someone who’d cheat on her the minute she’s not there.” He pauses, taking in a breath. “I was awful, Prongs. I don’t think she’s gonna come around.”

James looks at him sympathetically, but he was at a complete loss for words. 

“Apologise to her, Sirius.” Remus speaks up softly, “If you think she deserves better, become the better she deserves. Y/N isn’t someone who would give up on love so easily. She may resent you for a while, but I’m sure, if you properly explain what happened, and give her a well-deserved apology, that she may be willing to start fresh.”

Sirius stops pacing, staring at Remus.

“Y’know, Moony, you might just be right! I fucked up one time, I’ve just gotta put it behind us and apologise. Then it should be alright again!” 

For the first time that day, Sirius was grinning. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You took a shaky breath, staring at yourself in the mirror. Your face wasn’t red anymore, though your eyes were still a bit swollen from the crying. You shook your head, looking away from the mirror, and moving towards your bed. Falling down gracelessly, you stuff your face in your pillow, letting out a silenced scream. 

You aren’t sure how long you lie like that. It wasn’t until a knock on your door made you jump. 

“Y/N, please. I-I know you don’t want to speak to me, and I know I should give you some space, but at least let me give you something.” Sirius calls out from your door.

You hesitate. You badly want to let him in, run into his arms and just stay there. You also want to scream at him, hurt him the same way he hurt you. But most of all, you don’t want to see him.

“Love, I promise I won’t bother you until you’re ready.” When he doesn’t get a response, he lets out a defeated sigh. “I’ll leave now. I’ve got something for you, I’ll just leave it at your door. I’m here when you’re ready.”

You don’t move until you hear the gradual fade of his footsteps. Cautiously, you open the door. A basket lay on the wooden floors, filled with chocolates and sweets of all kind. Next to it, was a bouquet of flowers tied neatly by a ribbon. You pick the things up, placing the basket on your bed, and grabbing a vase for the flowers. 

As you take a seat on your bed, you notice a letter tucked inside the basket. You pause. Do you really want to read it? You weren’t sure. Biting your lip anxiously, you carefully unfold it. 

“My love, 

Words cannot express how sorry I am. I could fill this whole note with apologies to you, and I still wouldn’t be done. But you already know that, and apologies aren’t going to fix this. I understand that now. 

I know you’re hurting. I’m hurting to, just thinking about how you feel. It was an honest mistake, whether you want to take my word for it or not. I truly don’t know why I did it. It was a horrible thing for me to do, and I wouldn’t be shocked if I lost you forever because of it. I sincerely hope I don’t. I love you too much for that to happen.

I suppose I was missing you. I know you don’t go to these parties, and that is always alright with me, but I guess it would’ve been nice to have you there with me for once. Not that you have to, you know. I suppose I just wanted to be held by you, and this girl just looked so much like you, I guess I didn’t realise it wasn’t you until it was too late. 

This did not happen because I’m not happy with you. In fact, you’ve made my life ultimately better by just existing. And I know you are upset with me right now, but please, Y/N, I want us to be okay. 

Talk to me when you’re ready.

Yours,

Sirius Black.”

You stare at the letter, frozen, unsure what to do. Sirius was your boyfriend, after all. It would be awful of you if you weren’t to forgive him, especially after the heartfelt gift he’d just given to you.

But… he did cheat on you. Regardless, he cheated. 

He wouldn’t do it again, you think, he was just drunk and missing me. He would never do this on purpose.

Your eyes flicked to the photo of you too sitting on your bedside table. It was taken in winter, and you two were standing in the snow in Hogsmeade. He had his arms wrapped around you firmly, and you were looking up at him, laughing. 

You had to give him another chance. You couldn’t just give it all up.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

“Sirius…” Your voice makes him jump. He wasn’t expecting a response from you so soon.

“Y/N.” He copies, giving her a nervous smile.

“You wouldn’t do it again, would you?” You ask, eyes on the ground, not looking at him.

Sirius stands up from his spot on the couch, tilting your chin up to look at him.

“Never, love. I swear.” 

He had an honest look on his face, and you trusted him fully.

You smiled, and he echoed it right back at you. 

“We’ll be okay, love. We always will.” He whispers to you, his lips close to your ear, making you shiver.

“I know. I don’t doubt it for a second.” You grin at him, before pulling him down into a much-needed kiss. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Things with Sirius were almost completely back to normal. You put his mistakes in the past, focusing purely on the present. 

At least, that’s how it was for most of the time. Sometimes at night, you lie awake, wondering how he could’ve done something like this to you. He swore he would never do something like this again. But you were sure he didn’t think he would do something like this in the first place. 

Regardless, you put on a happy face, and try to make things go back to the way they were before. 

Sirius is acting different, however. He is almost more charming. It was obvious to you that he’s trying to make up for his mistakes, but you believe that it would be better to just forget it ever happened. That way, you can change your thinking, gaslighting yourself into thinking it didn’t happen at all. 

You found that was the easiest way to deal with the pain. You would never admit to Sirius just how much this had effected you. He already felt awful, and he’d apologised for it, right? So there was nothing to worry about. 

You sigh, trying your hardest to focus your attention back on the book in front of you. Studying in the quiet of the library usually put yourself at ease, but it seems to be no use now. Your mind is travelling a million miles per hour, and there’s nothing you could do to slow the thoughts down.

“Y/N, hi.” Remus smiles, sliding into the vacant seat next to you, bringing out his books and placing them gently on the desk.

“Hey Remus, what subject?” You ask, gesturing to the books he’d just placed down. 

“Potions. Figured I get a headstart on the new assignment Slughorn has given us. You?”

“Astronomy. Professor Sinstra has been giving me a headache about N.E.W.T.S, so I thought I should study for my test.” You shrug, looking at the sprawl of open books. 

“And how’s that going for you?” Remus chuckles lightly, glancing down at the empty page of your notebook. 

You groan, laying your head down on the desk. “Not very well. Can’t focus properly.”

Remus smiles slightly in understanding. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You sigh. Do you really want to burden Remus with this, too? Sirius is his best friend.

Remus notices your hesitation, and looks at you worriedly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just might be nice not to have to worry on your own.” 

“How d’you know I’m worrying?” You question.

He tilts his head. “Y/N, we’ve been friends for a long time. It isn’t that hard to tell when you aren’t feeling okay.”

You sigh again, lifting your head up from the desk. “Dunno, it’s stupid.”

Remus shakes his head. “It’s not stupid if you don’t think it’s stupid.”

You pause, biting your lip. “I just- it’s stupid, really. Just overthinking. Y’know, with the whole Sirius thing. I just want everything to go back to normal, but whenever he’s with me, it’s like he’s walking on eggshells.”

Remus frowns. “It’s not stupid, Y/N. You’re scared. Have you talked to Sirius about this?”

You shake your head, eyes wide. “No, and you must not say a word about this to him, either. I don’t want to make it worse. He already feels awful about it.”

“But it’s stressing you out, Y/N! And this is Sirius we’re talking about. He’s understanding, he won’t be upset if you bring this up. To be honest, I think it might make him feel better.”

“You think?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows as Remus nods. 

“You two are so in sync, you just need to get over this rough patch. Talk it out with him, and if it makes things worse than you can blame me.” Remus smiles. 

You nod your head slowly, uncertain, but you would trust Remus with your life. You know he’s being honest with you. Gathering your belongings, you stand up. “Thanks, Remus.” “Anytime, Y/N, you know that.”

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Remus was right, as per usual. Sirius and you had talked it out, and your relationship was finally back to normal. Months had passed since the incident, and there was nothing that had happened that made you doubt your love for him. 

“Morning, dove.” Sirius smiles at you, placing a chaste kiss to your cheek, before taking a seat next to you at the breakfast table. 

“Morning, Siri.” You grin at him, leaning into his side a little as you ate. 

It was a Saturday morning, and the hours had gone by slowly. For once, you’d waken up earlier than Sirius, choosing to head down and get an early breakfast before everyone else woke up and stole your favourite foods. 

“You’re up early. Any reason as to why?” Sirius asks, leaning forward to put some food on his plate. 

You shake your head at his question. “No, just woke up early today. Sorry I didn’t wait for you, I really wanted to go down and eat. Such a wider variety when you don’t wake up late.”

“It’s ok, Y/N, you know I don’t mind. I just hate the thought of you eating alone.” 

You laugh and shake your head. “I didn’t eat alone, silly. Remus was with me.” 

For the first time since Sirius sat down, he looked away from you and across the table, and there sat Remus. The boy gave him a smile, but Sirius didn’t return it. That confused you, the pair were really close friends. 

“Right.” Sirius murmurs, choosing to play with his food instead of looking at either of you. He almost looked… angry. But that wouldn’t be right, would it? Sirius never got angry. 

“Well, I’ve gotta go study some more. I’ll see you two later, yeah?” Remus says, getting up from his seat. 

“Yeah, yeah, see you later.” Sirius grumbles, still not looking up. You shoot him a confused look, before smiling up at Remus. 

“See you later, Rem. Enjoy your study!” You waved him off, watching him walk away.

“So, Rem, huh?” Sirius blurts out, finally meeting your eyes. 

You tilt your head, “Come on, Sirius. Don’t be like that. We’ve been friends forever, you know that.” 

“So you’d rather have breakfast with him then me?” You were slightly anxious. Sirius had never shown anger towards you. Sure, you’d seen him angry, but he never pointed his anger towards you. 

“It wasn’t planned. I woke up, and went down here, and Remus was already sitting down, reading a book. You know I love eating breakfast with you. Don’t be sour, love.” You put your hand on his shoulder, and lean in to kiss his cheek, but he moves away, brushing your hand off as he does so. 

“If you love it so much, why didn’t you wait for me, hmm? Instead, you decide to go gallivanting around with one of my best mates! For all I know, you could be cheating on me!” His voice is raised, and you flinch away.

“Last time I checked, it was you who cheated on me!” You say, the anger getting to you as tears prickle your eyes. God, not now. “You really think I would stoop that low, Sirius? Why would I even cheat on you! Remus and I are friends, you know that, he knows that, everyone knows that! So don’t you dare accuse me of cheating on you, Sirius Black!”

You slammed your cutlery down on your plate, getting up and leaving. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You didn’t speak to Sirius for the rest of the day. And it seems that he had the same plan as you, the both of you avoiding each other at all costs. You stayed in your dorm, not leaving once. 

“Y/N… are you okay?” Lily asks as she walks into the dorm, sitting down next you on your bed.

“‘m fine.” You grumble, not looking her in the eye.

“I heard the two of you, down at breakfast. What happened?”

“Sirius thought I was cheating on him with Remus,” you let out a humourless laugh, “I was trying to calm him down, when he accused me of cheating on him. Just because I sat with Remus at breakfast.” 

Lily rubs your back sympathetically. “Are you okay, though?” 

You pause. In all the chaos that had ensured this morning, you truly didn’t think about how you felt. 

“I… I don’t know, Lils. It hurt, that he thought I would cheat on him. And I was mean. I brought up… you know. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t thinking properly. I was just so angry.” 

Tears began to fall from your eyes, and Lily was quick to wipe them away with her thumb. 

“It’s okay, Y/N, you know, Sirius was probably tired, and you know how he gets. I don’t think he meant it.” Lily said pulling you into a hug. You rest your head on her shoulder, tears staining her shirt, but you know Lily wouldn’t be letting you go anytime soon. 

“He’s never been angry with me before. It scared me.”

“I know, Y/N/N, I know.” She pulled out of the embrace, “Maybe get some sleep, yeah? It might help you think clearer. I’ll have a talk with James, see if Sirius has said anything to him. It’ll be alright, Y/N, I know it will.”

You nod your head, curling in on yourself, silent tears streaming down your face as you fell asleep.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

The next day, you slugged down to breakfast. Late, this time. You don’t think you’d ever have an early breakfast again. 

“How are you feeling?” Lily asks softly as you take a seat next to her. 

“Okay.” You shrug. It wasn’t a lie. You weren’t feeling bad, and you certainly weren’t feeling good. You were somewhere in the middle.

“I talked to James last night.” Lily begins, and you look over at her. “Sirius had talked with James after it all happened. Apparently he was mad. But he was also upset. I think he knew that you wouldn’t do that to him, but the reminder that he did it got to him. James said that he wasn’t thinking straight. Apparently he’d gotten a letter from his mother that night.”

“Why wouldn’t he say anything to me?” You ask softly. Did he not trust you?

“I’m… I’m not too sure. Maybe just check in with him. Only if you want to, of course. If you want to break up with him and never see him again then I’m completely fine with that too.”

You let out a snort. 

“I’ll talk with him, I s’pose.” You smiled softly, and Lily leant her head on your shoulder. “You want to? I didn’t force you to, right?” 

“I want to. It was only a fight. Couples fight all the time.” 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

You knocked on the door of Sirius’ dorm room gently. 

“Who is it?” You hear Sirius call out. He doesn’t sound very good, and your heart breaks at the feeling of him being upset on his own.

“It’s me,” you say softly, “can I come in?”

You hear a shuffle behind the door, and after a minute or two, Sirius opens the door with a creak. He looks awful. There were dark bags underneath his puffy red eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t eaten. 

“You got a letter from your mother?” You ask tentatively. He looks confused, and he’s about to open his mouth when you answer his question. “James told me.”

“Ah.” He says, standing there awkwardly. He fiddles with his rings, and you let out a slow breath, staring down at his hands.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It just felt… awful to be accused of something I didn’t do. I should never have brought up the past. We’d moved on from it, and I had to go and bring it up.” 

“I know you would never cheat on me, Y/N. I guess… I was just overwhelmed with my mother, and I got jealous over Remus. I’m not good at controlling my emotions.” He laughs humourlessly.

You look up at him slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me your mother wrote to you?” Your voice broke, and you could feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “I could’ve been there for you. I could’ve helped. You know I only ever want the best for you, Siri.”

He lets out a breath of his own. “I never want you to have to worry about me. I’ve always dealt with my family issues on my own, or with James. I never tell anyone else, and I didn’t want to burden you with it. They’re… a lot. And the letter, it wasn’t nice. I didn’t want you to get upset.”

“But I want to help you, Sirius. That’s what I’m here for. I’m your girlfriend, you can tell me everything. You don’t need to hide things from me.” You smile. 

He moved forward hugging you tightly. He rests his face in the crook of your neck, and you can feel his body relax in your arms. 

“Thank you, Y/N. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good to me.” He mumbles

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

But it seemed that Sirius did feel the need to hide things from you. When you’d hang out together, sometimes he’d go quiet when you’d ask a question, or he would get defensive about something small. 

And he most certainly did not discuss the letter from his mother. 

You knew you shouldn’t push him, so you didn’t. You waited patiently for him to come to you and tell you what the letter was about. You waited weeks, and you didn’t hear another word on it. You even found out from James that he’d gotten another one, but he still didn’t bring that up. But you never pushed him. You continued to wait. 

It started to get worse, though. Sometimes, he’d disappear for the whole day. He’d cancel your plans. He’d sit with other people at dinner. He wouldn’t ask you to help him study.

You tried to believe that it was because of the letter from his mother. You truly did try, but you knew it wasn’t the case. There has to be something else. Someone else. 

You enter the library with a stack of books. You’d fallen a bit behind on your schoolwork due to your worries about Sirius. 

I’ll finish this and I’ll worry about Sirius later.

Turns out, you didn’t even have time to start your schoolwork before you had to think about Sirius and what he was doing. In fact, he was right in front of you, sitting with a Ravenclaw girl. She was undoubtedly pretty, you were fairly certain she was in the year below you. 

You try to keep your thoughts positive. Sirius was smart when he wants to be, maybe a professor finally realised that and gave him the tas of tutoring a student. You look at the table, not a single book in sight. You let out a shaky breath. They must be friends then. Though, Sirius had never mentioned being friends with a girl in Ravenclaw before. Maybe it was a new thing. 

Your positive thoughts ended pretty quickly, though, when you see Sirius lean in closer, smiling at her how he used to smile at you, then giving the girl a deep kiss. 

When was the last time he kissed you like that?

You stand there frozen, unsure of what to do. You can’t move. You want to look away, but your eyes refuse to leave their table. The girl pulls away, and Sirius has a grin on his face. Strange, how you hadn’t seen that smile in ages, but this girl gets it so easily. 

You can’t take it anymore. You’re books clutter to the floor, and the noise is enough to make the pair look over at you. The smile on Sirius’ face disappeared fast, and he’s standing up in an instant. 

“Y/N!” he calls, rushing over to you. But you certainly aren’t waiting around to hear his excuse. 

You run out of the library, the books discarded on the floor. Tears stream out of your eyes, and you hear him call out to you again. He’s nearing you, and looking around, there’s nowhere for you to run to. You’re well and truly cornered. 

“Y/N, please, I-I can make it up to you. I swear. I’ll be good for you.” Sirius looks heartbroken. 

How dare he, you think, how dare he look heartbroken when he did this to himself.

“How many times are you gonna say that until you mean it?” You ask, holding your head up high, trying to remain strong despite the tears that have fallen onto your cheeks. 

He stammers, but he can’t come up with a good answer. 

“You said you loved me, Sirius. How many times did you say that and lie? I have given you everything you could’ve asked for and more, but it’s not enough for you, is it?” You sniff, and inhale shakily, “It was never enough. I was never enough.” 

Sirius looks at you, but he can’t say anything. 

Can’t or won’t? a cruel part of you thinks. 

“Don’t talk to me again, Sirius Black. We’re done. I never want to see your face again.” 

You turn away, leaving Sirius stranded in the hallway. 

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«

Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. 

But he was also the worst. 

Sure, he was handsome, chivalrous, funny.

But he was also cruel, bitter and a cheater.

You loved him, of course. Endlessly. More than words could describe. 

But love doesn’t always go both ways. 

You are reminded of that when he holds her hand walking down the halls, or when he kisses her senseless, or when he hugs her so tight, that she truly believes her body has never felt safer. 

So yes, it was safe to say that Sirius Black was the best boyfriend you could’ve ask for. 

But he was also the worst heartbreak you ever had to endure. 

[idiopathicsmile]

so to celebrate the ~brand-new paperback edition~ of my award-nominated queer sci-fi YA mystery Stars Hide Your Fires (paperback out July 2, preorder here for less than $11!), i wrote a brand-new song. the genre is "getting roped into a frantic murder investigation at a sumptuous ball, along with an intriguing stranger...in space."

Lyrics (and chords, why not) under the cut!

Capo 3

[Em]There's no mistaking the [C] emperor's not waking there's [D]no way of faking the [Am] blood where he's found

and she is an unknown a sworn foe to the throne but our fates have been sewn together somehow

[C] So we follow [G] the clues in [Em] myriad [D] hues this [C] night has a [G] fuse and that fuse is [D] burning burning burning

and someone in this ball would have me take the fall I thought I knew gall but I'm quickly learning learning learning

and this station is light years away from the safe spheres with legions of guards near and us in disguise

she's so good and so smart a studious upstart shines bright as a new star —with morals as high

[C] So we follow [G] the clues not like [Em] we can[D] refuse til [C] they scream “j' [G] accuse!” there's no time for [D] yearning yearning yearning

All the empire's a stage when it's not a cage in love and in rage more than worlds are turning turning turning

[C] So we follow [G] the clues in [Em] myriad [D] hues this [C] night has a [G] fuse and that fuse is [D] burning burning burning...

[steddieas-shegoes]

'til the grave and when we're ghosts

| This is a birthday ficlet for my flower, Dio (@flowercrowngods), who deserves all the happiness and love that he can possibly get, especially on his birthday. I hope the love between Steve and Eddie is sweet enough for you today ❤️ - Mickala

--------------------

“The moon’s hiding tonight,” Steve whispered.

He’d come outside with Eddie to help him relax after a hard day at physical therapy. The air around them was thick with a tension Steve wasn’t used to.

Even on his bad days, Eddie was usually still light enough to float around the space they shared, bringing happiness to Steve that he hadn’t been prepared for.

“Yeah. Maybe she’s having a bad day too,” Eddie whispered, his voice sounding choked, wet.

Close to tears.

Steve turned onto his side, watched as Eddie closed his eyes, a tear slipping down the side of his face.

Steve reached his fingers out slowly, wiping away the moisture and waiting for Eddie to open his eyes again.

“What’s wrong, Eds?”

Eddie finally turned his face, another tear escaping from his eye.

“Do you ever wonder if it’s worth the trouble?”

“If what’s worth the trouble?”

“The work of getting better. The fact that I’m six months into recovery and barely closer to being cleared for take off than I was when I started is annoying. What’s worse is that this may be all I ever get to be again. I might always have a limp, and pain, and lose feeling in my leg and arm randomly, and phantom pain in my stomach. I could spend years at physical therapy and brain therapy and taking medications and it could all mean nothing.”

Steve cupped Eddie’s jaw, shaking his head as he spoke.

“It’s all for something. It’s to show yourself that you are alive. It’s to show the kids that you aren’t gonna give up on being the best you can be. It’s to show Wayne that you are the same Eddie you’ve always been.”

“But it’s hard. It’s so hard.”

Steve leaned in and kissed a tear on his cheek, biting back his own sob when Eddie pulled him on top of him.

Sometimes Eddie liked to feel small. He liked having Steve surround him, liked having Steve’s face right above him so he couldn’t see anything, feel anything, but Steve.

And Steve always knew when he needed it, always made himself bigger, shielded him from the world.

He did it now, curled himself around Eddie so that none of the barely-there moonlight could break through. Shared breaths against lips kept them both warm, kept them safe.

“I am so proud of you, baby. Even when it’s hard, you try. Even when it’s hard, you don’t run. You could have given up every single day since you woke up, but you didn’t. You kept going, kept trying, kept showing up for yourself. You make me so proud just to know you, let alone get to love you.”

Eddie’s leaking eyes watched Steve’s, his gaze turning softer as Steve spoke, his body relaxing more with every word.

It’s not the way Steve was going to tell him he loved him, not even close to his original plan.

His original plan was a romantic dinner, all of Eddie’s favorites, even the cookies that were kind of a pain in the ass to make but made Eddie light up. Watching the stars like this, but in the privacy of Steve’s backyard instead of the semi-privacy of the backyard of the new trailer. Going for a midnight swim, clothes abandoned on the pool chairs, skin against skin underwater and above it.

He’d wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist, the cool water lapping at their skin as Eddie pulled him against his chest, humming a song or whispering a story of just breathing slowly.

He’d tell him. He’d say he loved him. Make sure he knew how every moment with him is a moment Steve couldn’t have dreamed up if he tried.

That was the plan.

Plans can change, but his feelings don’t.

He loved Eddie when he was in a coma in the hospital, he loved Eddie when he woke up begging to see Dustin to make sure he really was okay, he loved Eddie every time he laughed and sang and made wild gestures for the people he loved.

He’ll keep loving Eddie through every moment of pain, through every day like today and night like this, he’ll love Eddie because it’s easy.

“I love you, Eddie. More than you can possibly imagine or know, more than I can say. And every day it gets bigger and better and I wonder what I could have possibly done to deserve this chance. I didn’t know it was possible to love a person as much as I love you, but I’ll keep doing it, every single day, for as long as you let me and beyond that. ‘Til the grave and when we’re ghosts, baby.”

Steve was shaking, both with the effort of staying above Eddie for so long and with the emotions spilling out of him.

He cupped Eddie’s jaw, his thumb wiping away a set of fresh tears.

He rested his forehead against Eddie’s, felt Eddie’s hands reach up and hold his hips, tug his waist down so they were touching at nearly every point they physically could be.

“I didn’t think I’d have this, I still don’t.”

“But you do, Eds. You do. You have me, you have the love I have for you. It’s all yours for as long as you want it.”

“‘Til the grave and when we’re ghosts?” Eddie smirked up at him, his cheeks flush from crying.

“Exactly.”

Steve nudged his nose against Eddie’s, silently asking for a kiss if he was ready for one. Not pushing, just suggesting.

Eddie leaned his head back so their lips could meet in a messy kiss, the tears staining Eddie’s face now becoming a part of Steve’s.

But that was it, wasn’t it?

Steve wanted every part of Eddie.

He wanted the sunshine and the moon and the stars. He wanted the laughter and fun and love. He wanted the touch and the looks and the excitement.

But he also wanted the tears and the snot. He wanted the bad days and the pain. He wanted the nightmares and the trauma.

He wanted it all with Eddie because Eddie was worth having it all with.

“I’ll take any bad day with you over any good day without you,” Eddie whispered as they pulled apart. “I love you too.”

Steve shivered at the words, felt the way they carved a permanent place in his chest.

Love didn’t fix the bad days, not for Eddie or for Steve, but it made them bearable, made them feel like they had something to hold onto when everything seemed hard to grasp.

[leverage-ot3]

I will be on my deathbed and I will still be like

he dug him out of the grave and crushed him in his arms and told him to never scare him like that again

she was crying and he knew her struggle to be good so he told her that’s what makes them ‘them’. that they are the protectors and do what others won’t to keep their found family safe

he said that he liked how she turned out

he said he doesn’t work alone anymore

he had to stay calm as his best friend was drowning behind him

he volunteered to kill for her even though he doesn’t kill anymore simply because she was sad and asked

she asked what the worst thing he did was and he said he would tell her if she really wanted but begged her not to because he didn’t want her to know that dark part of himself that he loathes

ROBOT BODIES

his eyes told her kiss this man because I can’t

’til his dying day

she said that for better or worse, they change together

‘are you okay?’ ‘I don’t know’

they lived together for over a decade

(I don’t believe in luck) (I don’t need luck) kiss for luck

he said he isn’t going anywhere no matter what

he bought him a brewpub

time and space can’t keep them apart

[bookish-whore]

'Til Death Part II

Rhysand x Reader

Words: 5k

Warnings: I don't think there are any besides Rhys being the most handsome and sexy high lord (jk slight reference to abuse)

A/N: Hello my darlings!! I know it's been awhile I have just been insanely busy and haven't had the time or energy to sit down and write (thank you all for your kind words, understanding, and patience it absolutely means the world to me like you have no idea)

Below is the long-awaited (and promised) second part of this series. I love you guys ❤️

"Til Death Masterlist -> Here

My Masterlist -> Here

--------------------------------------------------

The room looked much different in the daylight.

That was my first thought as I blinked open my eyes and took in my surroundings. The room was still as gorgeous as it was when I walked in last night, but it all suddenly felt more real as the sunlight streamed through the large windows casting the room in a lovely morning glow.

I took some deep breaths as everything from the day prior came flooding back. I got married, and I was living in Rhysands’ townhouse. I was no longer under the control of my parents, I was safe, and I was alone and in my room, in the Night Court. Which was strange considering my entire life I was told scary stories about this place and the people that resided here. But so far it didn’t seem too bad, I didn’t see anything to be afraid of here.

Once my heartbeat slowed back to normal, I threw the covers off my body and made my way to the windows. Last night, in the dark it was hard to make out just how elegant this estate was, from my window I could see a large fountain that stood in the center of a cobblestone courtyard and a vast array of gardens with all kinds of flowers, from my position I could make out roses, wisteria, ivy, lilies, and that there was a pond and a series of walking paths.

Three raps on my door pulled me from my admiration of the estate. I wrapped my arms around myself as I turned to face the door and cleared my throat “c-come in”

The door opened to reveal a young woman. She had curly brown hair which was tied up out of her face and she had the most stunning sapphire eyes, I also noticed her attire, she had on a simple housedress with an apron which made me think she was one of the many fae that I had heard kept up the high lords’ residences.

“Good Morning Lady Y/N” she said in a soft voice as she placed a tray of food on the table by the fireplace.

“Good morning” I said following her to get a look at what kinds of food were common here in the Night Court.

“Shall I begin my duties My Lady?” she asked

“Ummm- your duties? of course, and there is no need for such formalities you can simply call me y/n”

“Of course my lady, whatever you prefer” she said as she opened the curtains before making her way to the bed

“And what shall I call you?” I asked as she made quick work of the bed, fluffing the pillows and putting them in their respective spaces.

“My name is Osha” she said softly with a nod

“Am I always expected to eat here in my chambers?” I asked

“Of course not” she exclaimed “It is just that the high lord thought it would make you more comfortable to have some time to yourself to process the excitement of the last day- and perhaps to prepare for dinner”

“What is so unique about dinner?” I asked her, helping myself to the coffee on the tray.

“Well, I would expect that he will introduce you to his most trusted advisors and friends.”

“Were they at the ceremony yesterday?” I asked as I added cream and sugar to the dark liquid

“Most likely my lady, he rarely makes any large-scale decisions or actions without them.”

“and do you think that they are good people?” I asked.

“Of course, my lady” Osha replied dusting the bookshelves and putting things in order. “they are quite respectable”

“Can I ask you a question Osha?” I asked timidly, unsure if she would simply report my actions back to Rhysand, but I accepted it would just be a risk I had to take.

“Of course, my lady” she said pausing to face me and give me her undivided attention. As though she understood that this was important to me.

“What do you think of him-” I took a shaky breath before clarifying “The high lord I mean”

Her eyes softened as she spoke about him “He is a good male; he cares deeply for his friends who are more like his family, and he is kind to his staff and his citizens. He might seem intimidating my lady, but after everything he has suffered through it is an image he must maintain. I’m sure he would tell you all about it if you asked.”

I nodded along, curious to know more about this man I was connected to, my husband.

“Thank you for being so honest, and please just call me y/n, Osha.”

“of course…m- y/n” she replied, my name sticky in her mouth as though she wasn’t used to such comfortability with members of the household “is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No Osha, I think I’ll be alright.” I said turning my attention to my breakfast.

“There’s a bell here” Osha said signaling the tasseled rope that hung by the fireplace “just give it a pull and I’ll return for the tray and to help you dress for the day” she called as she left, closing the door behind her softly.

My stomach growled in anticipation of the food; it smelled so good and I figured if Rhysand was going to harm me he would have done it before breakfast. I examined the tray deciding I would start with the sausages and before I knew it, I had devoured the entire plate.

I stood from the couch and rang the bell, wondering how quickly Osha would return. For a brief moment I hoped that I wasn’t disturbing her from her other duties.

She rapped her knuckles twice on the door announcing her arrival before stepping into the room. One thing I learned is that Osha does not waste any time, she collected all the dishes and placed them on a rolling cart outside the door before showing me to the bathroom and she promptly walked me through all the oils, salves, and lotions and what they were for before showing me how the tub operated. She even told me where all the spare items were should I ever need them.

I didn’t think I could be more grateful to her until she offered me some privacy by turning around while I undressed and stepped into the warm bubbly water. She helped me wash my hair and told me about growing up in the Night Court, she even told me about some of their annual traditions and spots in needed to visit in the city.

When we finished with the bath, she helped me into a dressing robe which I had to admit was one of the nicest fabrics I had ever put on my body. Osha instructed me to sit on one of the stools while she made work of my hair. Brushing through it gently.

I was really hoping Osha wasn’t reporting my actions back to Rhysand because I found myself answering questions about my childhood and my upbringing, I realized quickly that I could really enjoy it here.

“All finished” Osha said as she pinned the last hairs into place.

She handed me a mirror to look at her work, it was stunning yet simple. She braided my hair and pinned it into a circle around my head, with only my bangs and a few face framing pieces left out. It kind of looked like a crown, I thought to myself. “I love it” I told her as she put away the combs and remaining pins.

“Do you know what you’d like to wear today?” Osha asked as she returned to my side

“I didn’t really bring much with me from home” I said nervously

“Oh you don’t have to worry Y/n, the high lord made sure your closet was stocked so you would have options until your things arrived”  

“Why don’t you pick?” I suggested “since you know the styles here, but please keep it comfortable.”

She smiled wide before retreating to the closet. She emerged a few moments later with her choices. Osha had picked a simple white dress with long sleeves that fell off my shoulders, she had paired it with a simple light green vest-like corset embroidered with cream and pink roses and my comfortable everyday boots. I thanked Osha for her help, and she left to do what I assumed were her other duties around the house.

I took a deep breath, giving myself a once over in the mirror. I knew I wanted to explore this place a little, get to know my new home before I had dinner, before I had to see him again. I checked the clock on the wall and was surprised to find that it was already midday. I put my hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath and stepped into the hall.

It was quieter than I thought. I figured there would be an onslaught of activity, people walking around the house but there was not a soul in sight. I walked down the hall to the grand staircase Rhysand led me up last night. When I got to the bottom, I turned towards a large hall and walked towards the smell of bread.

I ended up in the kitchen, where surprisingly I found the high lord of all people.

He was sitting on top of the counter, his black suit still impeccably clean despite his relaxed posture. So far, he wasn’t at all what I expected. He saw me immediately and jumped off the counter, he waved his hand and the staff made themselves busy clearing out the room until it was just the two of us.

He took a step towards me, straightening his jacket and running a hand through his hair.

“Hello” he said, his voice low and gravelly.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt-” I quickly said, pausing to look around the kitchen “whatever it is you were doing.”

“You didn’t interrupt anything” he chuckled “I like to come in here around this time.”

“Why?” I asked

“I like the fresh bread” he replied, offering me a large piece. It was still warm from the oven, and it smelled divine. I took the piece tentatively from his hand tearing off a bite sized amount before bringing it to my lips.

I couldn’t help but moan at the taste, I wasn’t allowed such fresh helpings back home, and until now I wasn’t even aware of what I was missing. I continued pulling small pieces from the loaf and eating them as did Rhysand.

“So, how was your first night here?” he asked “did you sleep well”

“I did” I replied swallowing down another piece “and you?”

“How did I sleep?” he asked

I nodded.

“Fine, I suppose” he said with a grin

“This is strange, isn’t it?” I asked “you know being- being married yet we hardly know each other, living in the same home- it just feels so peculiar. At least it does for me”

“I think we can make the best of it” he said “like I told you yesterday, everything from here on out is up to you. you can decide what boundaries you need and I will respect them, you have my word”

“But aren’t there some things that- that are- non-negotiable?” I asked tentatively.

“Like what?” he asked, his violet eyes piercing mine as I met his gaze

“Well, you know- our” I cleared my throat bringing my voice to an almost whisper “marital duties”

“Mmmm” he sighed “yes there is that matter” his eyebrows furrowed as he took another piece of bread “What would you have us do?”

“Well are we not supposed to do what married people do?” I asked

“And what is it that married people do?” he said with a grin, his arms casually crossed over his chest.

“Now you’re just teasing me” I said rolling my eyes at the male.

“Are you demanding I perform my marital duties to you?” he asked in feigned seriousness.

“Of course I am not demanding, I am just curious that it would rouse suspicion, or possibly that there would be questions surrounding the legitimacy of our union”

“Well allow me to put your worries to rest. No one would dare ask me whether I bedded my wife, nor would I bed her without her enthusiastic consent”

I simply nodded in response, hoping he didn’t notice the slight reddening of my cheeks at his candidness.

“Like I said y/n, this arrangement benefits us both.”

“And in what ways does it possibly benefit you?”

“Do you want the truth?” he asked

“The complete and honest truth” I said “always”

“Well, it gives me a political advantage, one of my duties is presiding over the court of nightmares in the Hewn City, and to some of the more traditionalist thinkers were adamant I needed a wife, for my image and to settle concerns over the succession of my throne. And secondly, your parents offered an economic advantage; their position in the Autumn court is the perfect excuse to gather intelligence on the goings on in Beron’s lands.”

“Beron? What could you possibly want with my uncle?”

“In all honesty y/n, I can’t trust you with that information yet.” He said firmly “I hope you can understand that.”

“Of course. I mean I am still practically a stranger to you”

“I will tell you… eventually.”

“Rhysand, I-”

“And please call me Rhys”

“…Rhys…I promise I understand- really I do.”

A tense silence passed between us as I thought about my life as his partner.

“You mentioned an heir” I said breaking the tense silence that had settled between us

“I did”

“Is that- do I- am- I just-“

“Calm down y/n I don’t expect you to carry my child. Nor do I expect you to want a child. If you do I’m sure we can figure out an arrangement”

“but is that something that you would want?” I asked tentatively “I just mean that this arrangement seems to be more beneficial to me than it is to you.”

“Your part in this arrangement is crucial y/n, you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

“Okay” I agreed splitting the last of the loaf into two pieces and offering one to the high lord.

“Now” he said wiping the crumbs from his hands “How about a tour. It was late and dark last night so I didn’t want to overwhelm you with all the logistics of your space and the house”

“I would love that” I agreed

“Well then” he said motioning me towards the hall towards the entryway “Shall we?”

He followed me back to the front door and showed me the sitting room and dining room which were both adjacent to the foyer and I followed him back down the hall towards the kitchen where he pointed out a few closets, and bathrooms. Then he led me upstairs, through a series of halls pointing out each bedroom and who it belonged to. I figured it would make more sense once I met these people formally.

We continued the tour by making our way up a small spiral staircase that had been hidden behind an unassuming door until we reached an ornately carved set of double doors. He stopped in front of them, bracing one of his hands on the doorknobs, he turned them but didn’t push open the doors yet.

“Now this- is one of my favorite features in the house” he said with a grin “close your eyes”

I gave him a quizzical look before closing my eyes and putting my hand over them. I heard the soft creak as he pushed open the doors and took my hand leading me into the unknown space.

“okay” he said “open”

I opened my eyes and gasped at the space before me.

It was a library.

It had two levels of massive floor to ceiling shelves that were lined with titles, and large windows that cast the room in an abundance of natural light. There were even tall ladders that reached the very top shelves and tables and loungers strewn around the room. I felt myself get excited over the possibility of spending my time here, unbothered by the world as I disappeared into the pages that lined the walls.

“I think this is going to be my favorite place” I said turning to take in the space.

“it was my sisters favorite place” he said quietly “she would spend hours here with the people from her stories.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister. Is she around? I would love to get to know her”

He was quiet, but as I turned to face him I noticed his eyes looked sad and distant

“she is-” he cleared his throat “she is…gone”

“oh” I said reaching my hand to rest on his arm “Rhys- I am so sorry”

“You didn’t know” he said, his hand covering my own as he took us deeper into the space.

We spent what felt like hours perusing the shelves, I picked out a few titles to be sent to my room for some late-night reading and we continued on our tour. Rhys took me up the remaining flights of stairs until we reached the roof. Which boasted a view of the city, and had a lovely garden and lounge area.

Once we concluded the tour, Rhys walked me back to my room and told me about his dinner plans. He mentioned his “inner circle” and I could only imagine this was what Osha meant this morning. He told me to come down around eight and he would make introductions.

I felt nervous, what if they didn’t like me. Or they thought I was a spy for a rival court. How could I possibly convince them that I was just as desperate to escape my situation and that Rhys offered me salvation, he offered me a life of my own, where I could be free to make my own decisions. I laid in bed thinking of the ways this dinner could go horribly wrong.

--------------------------------------------------

I jolted awake at the sound of knocking. I looked at the clock atop the fireplace and noticed it was already half past six. I quickly jumped from the bed to get the door as the handle turned and in walked Osha.

“I’m sorry to disturb you y/n, I just thought I would help you get ready for dinner.  I didn’t realize you were nap-”

“It’s really no trouble Osha, thank you for waking me. I- I want to look my best tonight. you know to make a good impression.”

“I think the inner circle will get along with you just fine” she said with a playful smirk.

I nodded and flashed her a nervous smile.

“Come along, I think your hair should be down tonight.” she insisted, I made no objection and sat at the vanity as she meticulously unbraided her previous work, letting my hair fall in loose waves down my back. We chatted casually as she worked pinning pieces into place and making sure it looked presentable.

I picked a black dress for tonight, I thought it was fitting considering this was Rhysand’s inner circle, his closest friends and advisors. I imagined they had spent hundreds of years together and were more like a family than anything else. It was simple, yet elegant and was surprisingly comfortable. It had long sleeves detailed with lace and a tight bodice that widened out at my waist and cascaded to the floor.

“You look perfect” Osha said as she walked around me, taking in all the details of my ensemble for tonight.

“Are you sure it’s not too much?” I asked

“Not at all y/n” she said flashing me an approving smile.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror before heading towards the door, my fae senses already picking up the faint sounds of laughter and the bustling commotion of the house workers downstairs. As I made my way down the winding staircase, I reminded myself to take deep breaths. Except my mother’s warning kept running through my head. Don’t disappoint us, remember what you were bred for.

I shook her voice from my mind as I entered the sitting room and was immediately bombarded by the blonde from the wedding, a large smile plastered across her face as she pulled me into a hug. “Y/n my dear!” she exclaimed “How are you? I do hope my cousin has been treating you well.”

“He has” I managed to say with a smile, making brief eye contact with my husband before he looked away, engaged in his conversation with the large winged males, there were two other women in the room as well seated on a sofa clearly engaged in their own conversation, they didn’t seem to pay me any mind.

“Allow me to make a few introductions, firstly and most importantly I am Morrigan, but you can call me Mor.” The blonde said with a hand to her chest, she looped her other arm through mine as she led me around the room. As we walked, she whispered low in my ear “I think were going to be great friends”. She gave my arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance as we approached the two females who straightened as we stood before them.

“This is Nesta” Mor said gesturing to the brunette female seated on the couch, Nesta looked me over and the corner of her mouth lifted slightly as if in approval. Mor turned to introduce me to the other female seated opposite Nesta but before she could say a word the raven haired woman interrupted.

“and I am Amren” she said, her voice soothing and calm

I gave them both a nod and a soft curtsy, I wasn’t entirely sure of the etiquette in this situation considering I was technically their high lady and outranked them but I figured it was a sign of respect.

“It is wonderful to finally meet you both” I said “I didn’t really have a chance to talk to everyone after the ceremony”

“Yes we made quite a hasty exit” Rhysand said as he approached behind me and Mor, he placed a hand on the small of my back and flashed me a smile as he came into view. The two males he was talking with circled the couch; I could feel their eyes on me as though they were inspecting me as one took the seat beside Nesta and the other leaned against the wall in the corner of the room, his hands resting over his chest.

“Do we not get introductions Rhysie?” the long haired one next to Nesta said with a smirk, the other male simply smiled but remained quiet in the corner of the room.

“How ever could I forget” Rhys said with a laugh as he turned to face me more directly “Y/n, this is Cassian, general of the Night Court armies, and a general pain in my ass.”

“I love you too brother” Cassian said as he moved his arm to rest behind Nesta.

“And this-” Rhys said with a gesture to the male in the corner “Is my spymaster and shadowsinger, Azriel. And it seems that you’ve met the others.”

“I did” I said looking over the group “I just want to say that I really am happy to finally meet you all, I’ve heard how important you are to Rhysand, and I only hope that you’ll give me a chance to prove myself useful here.”

“So long as you remain honest, I don’t think we’ll have a problem girl” Amren said sipping from her embellished glass.

“Well now that introductions have been made, how about we talk over dinner and drink?” Rhysand said gesturing towards the dining room. The inner circle all stood and made their way to the room across the hall, Rhys gripped my hand before I could step away.

“Can I have a word, before we join the others?” he asked

“Of course,” I said as he led me to the back corner of the room, no doubt away from prying fae ears

“I just want to warn you, they are going to ask you questions, they are going to pry but they mean well”

“I would be concerned if they just accepted me without a qualm” I said with a forced smile

“You don’t have to answer anything you aren’t comfortable with, they do understand boundaries they just feel the need to test them.” He grasped my hands in his “they just want to get to know you, and if at any point you feel stuck just ask them questions, especially Mor because once she starts talking it’s hard to get her to stop.”

“noted” I said looking towards the floor

“You have nothing to worry about y/n” Rhys reassured me, I felt his hand grip my chin turning my face to meet his “and I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier tonight y/n but you…you are absolutely breathtaking.”

“Are you two planning on joining us anytime soon” Cassian’s voice boomed

“Always so subtle that one” I said in a whisper as I made my way towards the group. I was hyper-aware of Rhys’ presence behind me as we entered the space and took our seats at the table, his at the head, and mine to his right.

Dinner passed with polite conversation, by the main course of roasted lamb and potatoes I was beginning to relax. They didn’t seem to be too prying; they only asked me questions about where I grew up and what I enjoyed. In the back of my mind, I was slightly concerned they were lulling me into a false sense of security but I doused my fear by the time we came to dessert, which just so happened to be my favorite, chocolate souffle.

“So, what was it like growing up around Eris” Mor asked taking a bite of her dessert

“I wouldn’t know” I said honestly

“But you spent so much time at the Forest House?” Mor retorted

“my parents kept me pretty secluded with my lessons” I said “I would be punished for even looking at the Vanserra boys, let alone speaking to them” I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of the lashing I received for merely smiling at Eris when we crossed paths in the hall

The room went silent at my confession, perhaps they had realized just how useless I was. That I didn’t have any of the information they wanted. I could feel myself spiraling, the walls closing in, my breathing speeding up and as if he could sense my panic, Rhys cleared his throat, drawing the attention away from me, which I was overwhelmingly grateful for.

“I think that’s enough for tonight, its quite late and I’m sure y/n is exhausted” he said a clear dismissal of the party, his inner circle slowly dissipated with their goodbyes until it was just the high lord and me remaining.

“Shall we?” he asked holding his hand out to me, I eagerly took it and Rhys walked me to my bedroom, stopping at the door and leaning casually against it his arms crossed over his broad chest. I couldn’t help but notice the strain of fabric at his upper arms. He must have spent decades strengthening his body into a lethal weapon…No, I couldn’t think of him like this

I didn’t realize how close he was until his scent overwhelmed me, rain and cedar. I casually threw my hair over my shoulder as I stood shoulder to shoulder with the male. My hand resting on the doorknob, I gripped it but couldn’t bring myself to open the door. I hesitated, realizing that I didn’t want the night to end.

“Rhys” I said tentatively, soothing my nerves as I let go of the ornate handle and turned fully to face the high lord.

“Yes?” he asked, standing to his full height, his eyes piercing through me as I craned my neck to meet his gaze.

“I just wanted to-” I cleared my throat “to thank you- for introducing me to everyone, and for showing me around today. I-It means a lot to me that you have made me feel at home here”

“it was my pleasure y/n, and they seemed to like you. I’m sure you’ll get more comfortable around them with time.”

“I hope so” I said “because I really want this to work…for the both of us”

“And I have every confidence that it will” he said reassuringly “but you need to get some rest, it has been an exhausting day”

“if you insist” I said twisting the door handle, opening the door of my room.

“Sweet dreams…wife” he teased with a sly smile and a dark look in his violet eyes

“Sweet dreams…husband” I said as I stepped through the threshold into my room, closing the door softly behind me.

I couldn’t help but smile as I prepared myself for bed, and here in my solitude I could convince myself that it had nothing to do with the roguishly handsome high lord and his violet eyes that saw right through all my defenses. Here in the shadows, I could remain in denial because I was in deep shit.

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[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Did someone say Kanej coded songs by indie artists who deserve more attention? Probably not but I’m gonna give you some anyway

I’m going to limit myself to putting one or two lyrics with each song but just know that I’m picking and choosing from loads of good options they aren’t the only lyrics that work 😁

Pray by The Amazing Devil - “God made all man in his image but honey I’m no man I’m what’s left when children go to war” “Why womanhood is more than crying I’m stronger now than you have ever known, the cracks you made I’ll fill with mortar a broken pot can still hold water”

Metaphor by The Crane Wives - “I’ve gotten good at leaning on metaphors, I’ve gotten good at living on someone else’s page, I cut my teeth on second hand sentiments, you can’t trust a single thing I say” “I keep my closet free of skeletons, ‘cause I’m much better at digging graves, but I always dig up bones in your sympathy, I can’t trust a single thing you say” (I actually have an edit to this that I haven’t posted yet so I guess let me know if anyone wants to see that)

Three Spectres by J Maya this song is the reason I started making edits - “I wonder how people can talk about the past and go to bed, the space around me feels with spectres of what I should have said. The past is a presence, the future is pretend, and the present is a pastor trying to make it all make sense. Will I ever leave this place? This world that I am trying to break? The mind is such a funny space, with these spectres centre stage”

Falling by Florence + the Machine I guess this is kinda borderline indie but I’m counting it and this is an underrated song - “I’ve fallen from favour and I’ve fallen from grace, fallen out of trees and I’ve fallen on my face, fallen out taxis, out of windows too, fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you” “sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release, wish for falling through the air to give me some relief because falling’s not the problem when I’m falling I’m at peace, it’s only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief” the edits could’ve gone wild for this one if we had the tightrope scenes with Amita/Inej I’m so heartbroken

We Have It All by Pim Stones I have an edit to this one posted if anyone wants to see it - “the print was so small I didn’t understand, he cut out thumbs and placed a feather in our hands, told us we would see all our dreams and plans unfold” “all my life I’ve been heading for hell but never had I thought I’d drag you down as well, I just couldn’t resist what he was trying to sell” “our hearts we have sold for diamonds and gold but hey baby take a look, we have it all, and haven’t you heard? Hearts turn to dirt, along with the rest of your body it’s all claimed by the earth. It will fade and it will wither, but gold it will never, and hey baby, don’t you know? Diamonds are forever”

Run by Daughter - “if I try to get close, he’s already gone, don’t know where he’s going don’t know where he’s been but he is restless at night ‘cause he has horrible dreams” “and I won’t tell my mother, it’s better she don’t know, and he won’t tell his folks ‘cause they’re already ghosts. And we’ll just keep each other, as safe as we can, until we reach the border, until we make our plan to run” “Will you stay with me my love, for another day? ‘Cause I don’t want to be alone when I’m on this state. Will you stay with me my love, til we’re old and grey? ‘Cause I don’t want to be alone when these bones decay”

I might add more as they occur to me but I think this is the list for now, feel free to suggest more!!! ❤️