#she needs to understand that as much as he loves her he doesnt love like a human anymore
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...uh oh. i may need to politely request this fic:
https://www.tumblr.com/beelmons/727110653210394624/i-feel-this-i-feel-like-spencer-would-only-use
spencer always calls reid by her name and reader is worried that means he doesnt like her as much as she likes him. and poor spencer is just oblivious as to was this matters 😭
It's fine, it's fine.
That's what you kept telling yourself. It's fine that Hotch calls his wife "honey". It's fine that Jennifer gets to be "sweetheart". It's fine that Penelope becomes "baby girl" despite not having any sort of relationship to Morgan whatsoever.
You don't need a pet name from your boyfriend, of course not. No "baby", that's weird, or "angel", that's cringe.
As you were sitting on the couch, sulking about the fact that it clearly annoyed you that Spencer would call you by your name instead of a cutesy petname made up by the two of you, you heard him call from the kitchen.
Once more, using your goddamn name.
"Okay, enough!" you finally blurted out, much to his utter surprise.
"Wha-" he tried to question in an attempt to get to the bottom of your sudden outburst.
"Don't call me by my name anymore, Spencer!" as you were yelling, you had to stand up and walk to the kitchen, where the poor man was holding a milk carton and looking astounded.
It had been a rather domestic day. Cleaning in your underwear, chilling by the couch. He had gotten up from your spot to grab some milk and cookies as an afternoon snack, and had called up on you when he couldn't find said cookies.
Now he was standing in the middle of his kitchen area, trousers and simple startrek t-shirt on, milk in hand, and a yelling girlfriend on his face.
"What's wrong with your name?" he asked with genuine curiosity
"Nothing is wrong with it, but that's not something to call your girlfriend of two years!" you yelled, your tone clearly getting higher.
"Is it not?" he asked once more. Despite his obliviousness seeming feigned to you, it was real to his core.
"I- You're-" you tried to fight back the need to strangle him, figure of speech, of course. Instead, you grunted and pushed on your temples.
However dreamy and kind, your boyfriend was, nonetheless, a man.
Exhasperation took over you over the lack of understanding on the severity of the situation and you knew better than to let yourself talk to him in that state. A resumé of fights and disputes being created by that same reason throughout the time you'd been together. You stomped your way back to the couch, where you simply decided to sit angrily with your arms over your chest.
The silence dragged out for quite a bit while the wheels in his head turned for a way out of this situation. Man, catching a killer was easier than walking through the eggshells you sometimes put out.
"Cinnamon." he simply said. You didn't answer, thinking that he was reciting to himself what he needed now. "That's what your name tastes like on my tongue." he added.
Finally, he earned a look back from you.
Spencer opened the fridge and put back the milk, an object that had lost several degrees of importance in the past few minutes, and walked over to you, taking a seat beside you on the couch and holding one of your hands into his. His touch was gentle, featherlight and quite fearful.
"I think it's due to the fact that I was tasting Penelope's coffee order when you were introduced to me." he continued "I'm sorry if I've come off as insensitive for not calling you a pet name but I had never felt the need for it. I love your name, I think it's a wonderful sound to emit."
It was now time for dialogue, no matter how uncomfortable it made you.
"Well, to me, it feels like you're calling out a friend. Someone who isn't special or remarkable in your life." you explained, your initial defense lowered, thus permiting you to express your insecurities fully.
You saw him make that stupid, adorable confusion face that he usually made. When he was trying hard to find the words to express a feeling he had never experienced before.
"I'm sorry." he simply put out for a second, hence igniting back a bit of your anger "But you see, it's not only the way it feels on my tongue. My heart, it races to levels I don't think are healthy whenever I hear it. My skin, it crawls with anticipation when it appears on my phone screen." he added "Your name is unique no matter how many people on this earth share it with you, and I could probably tell you how many exactly are there but I doubt you want to hear it right now." he had to clear his throat for a second "To me your name holds no other meaning but the one of pure love and happiness, so, to you it might appear I'm calling on to someone random but to me..." Spencer had to pause to put his head in order "...feels like I'm calling home."
You didn't realize your grip had tightened on his hand. Your eyes locked as he spoke had grown a couple of tears along the way. You were pulled, tentatively, into your boyfriend's arms, and there you remained for more minutes than you could have counted.
It's fine. Just your name is fine, as long as it's from his lips.
#blurb: mine#blurb: spencer#criminal minds#spencer x reader#spencer reid x reader#very very quick#very very not making a lot of sense
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playing slay the princess as intended (watching your friend stream it and then roleplaying as improvised ocs for each of ur runs)
#anethia collectibles#slay the princess#so ...#run 1 is i think the witch/thorns where we chose to be very stoic and silent throughout#run 2 is the paranoid/nightmare route (fav) bcus i wanted to get to ask more qns that round and somehow that ended up leading to my poor#little curious guy getting so broken and fractured :3#run 3 is the hero/deconstructed damsel route ....#run 4 is the tower! and being a little shit who is by hell and highwater NOT kneeling down#run 5 is the spectre ... roleplayed as guy who is for reasons he doesnt understand just wants it to be over#and MEOW anyway#nobody told me this game was an rpg .....#but its cool ! i love romances :]#i think its awesome ... the way the hero and the princess are . changing over time . over with each reset#the way they find each other in the long quiet ...... its something so#i love it ...#the hero is so guilty for hurting the princess that he loves and he is scared of hurtign and he wants peace and he doesnt want the eternity#of it .... he loves the . shifting mound (?) is it (?) as much as he hates the work she makes her do as much as he loves todo the workforher#like a blank slate knowing nothing . except that broken wounds can be healed . and then he meets her. and then he meets her over and over#its a million meet cutes for the hero and the princess snd a sweeping tale of love and devotion and salvation in the long wuiet#how many more vessels do you need .....#and its fun to. at least how i played it . the things the hero picks up on#knowingly or unlnowingly with each run#its soooo#every 'remain silent' feels like a callback to the first libe#telling the voices 'itll be okay' after the brightness of the damsel snd that 'ill be okay' after the selfishness n suffering of apotheosis#or after the deconstructed damsel route . and then to the last run. becoming the damsel. seeing it throughcher eyes#and its so . this culminating ammassing of allcthese voices .... and it comes to it all being reflected at eachcother#spectre posseses hero and shifting mound and player becomign whole#anyway i like this love story i find it very tender and swet#... anyway ! this is . none of this is analysis these are just my ocs and the story i made up whilst playing
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atem, in my mind, is demi. doesnt care for romance or feel attraction to anyone initially, no one makes him turn on the street, he has more important things to do. the realization that this can change comes with the realization that hes in love with yuugi and everything about his partner is attractive, like holy shit what is this feeling. atem is all kinds of overwhelmed but having a time
yuugi is the kinda bi that doesnt think about gender much. people of all shapes and sizes can be and have been hot to him. all his friends are hot. figuring this out didnt hit hard at all, it was a slow solidifying of that "oh. hm. makes sense" feeling over time. hes poly, too - his first crush ever was on a girl, second crush ever was on a boy, and he tried to set the two of them up. (respect tbh)
jou though? has a Moment. an identity crisis, or five. jounouchi is the kind of bi who spends his life thinking that all straight people want to have sех with their homies, its just normal. the realization that this is not in fact normal for straight people hits him at some point and is something he needs to digest
anzu prefers boys but her boy of choice wears chokers puts eyeliner and is shorter than her even in heels, and she absolutely made out with girls in new york. perhaps she wouldve had a mini crisis over it if she were back in japan, but hey, dancers are chill about it and when in rome..
bakura is gay and somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum. he doesnt do or understand romance and relationships the way an average person would and that is fine by him. girls are not interesting to him, and boys are interesting in very peculiar ways. "i want to put you under a microscope" is a declaration more intimate than "i am in love with you"
i dont know if it would be funnier if honda was the sole heterosexual in his entire friend group, or if everyone just assumed that he was, until he casually mentions being attracted to men, and everyone loses their shit. "wym why didnt i tell you? i thought you guys knew"
#saw some hcs got thinking so im sharing mine#(ft puzzleshipping bc everything is puzzleshipping. there is no universe in which the two of them are not in love)
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Lnds fandom.. how are we feeling 🧍♀️
Because I for one, am absolutely losing it
#the lore drop was insane#where do i even begin#I NEED to know more about Zayne's research WHAT DID HE DISCOVER THAT MADE HIM STOP AND DESTROY EVERYTHING#THE JEREMIAH BACKSTORY???#Xavier sleeps inside the spaceship to feel a bit at home..#Ever group crumbs bwjdhwu#MC BEING EXPERIMENTED ON AS A KID CONFIRMED#altho she doesnt remember she suffered SO MUCH imagine toying with life like that#killing her over and over again without never truly being sure if she'd actually come back#so the aether protocore was DISCOVERED inside of her? not implemented in her heart#i need to understand how rafayels heart the aether core the core of philos and the creatio core are related#rafayel being offended that hes only ranked 6th made me giggle ngl#anyway brb imma cry some more#the fact that Philosians (??) need to take some potion? med? to stay alove cuz their bodies are wearing out im not okay#xavy baby dont die on me#and the fact that Ever group is spying on him though his comrades#and the fact that mc is on Ever's list or whatever#just wtf#lnds#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace
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having a serious kevthea moment and making a playlist and it's literally the corniest love songs of the 2000s because i think and i know in my heart kevin day was sitting at home giggling kicking his feet thinking about that older woman
#superman by taylor swift 2010 btw.#tall dark and beautiful like do you even understand. and he admires her so much. its serious for him.#im just thinking about themmmmmmmm theyre together for so long...... you know.#still into you - paramore. you have to understand.#my kevthea pitch is that actually kevin deserves a long lasting relationship where he admires and loves her so much and thinks shes#a superstar and he thinks about her all the time and he watches her games and blushes. you have to know#I DONT KNOW I THINK HE DESERVES IT :) they deserve it :) its cute if theyre domestic and silly and uncomplicated#one thing in kevins life has to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and thea's soooo like shes so casual. at least in her two scenes. she reads so normal to me. kevin freaks out about everything#he needs someone who doesnt freak out about anything unless the house is on fire#kevin day i see it... i see a dog park in your future.... i see you putting your weary head on her shoulder... i see it. i understood#LETS TALK ABOUT IT#txt#kevthea
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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it
#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power#if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life#and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits#but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality#he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do#he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth#and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her#but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff#and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain#hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him#(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else#like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process#hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out#and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him#and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation#and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot#anyway. yeah👍#tagging later#tekken
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.
#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w#so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me#he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine#nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am#nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me#that made me very sad nd hurt nd like#he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him#bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions#i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it#nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is#i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from#instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed#so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations#but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that#however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him#maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend#i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part#if imginna get over these feelings#i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you#then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media#then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him#but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now#my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop#since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it#but i have no idea how to stop#god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??
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haruka watches takane eat like a dog begging because he knows she will leave at least half its food. sorry i wrote a longer post in the tags.
#but im also attached to the idea after getting her body back takane indulges in food a lot more#i think generally she's just so glad to have it back she stops taking it for granted and is like oh my god EATING#but it goes both ways same with sensory issues#takane is extremely touch/eating/sleeping averse#but suddenly gets this rush and is like i need to binge eat and hold hands NOOOOOOW#<- haruka's match made in heaven moments but he's smart enough to see takane's like overindulging and is like Ok. let's take a break💗#takane gets so overwhelmed both negatively and positively like#omg im real!?!?!? AUGGHH to OMG IM REAL YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!#also working on not taking cover as ene bc at first she did and accidently drove itself craz#so shes like trying to work through it WITHOUT having to resort getting out of her body bc no problems are gonna get solved that way#haruka helping her through it all AUUUHCGGH#i have this very particular hc cuddling its basically therapy ok. because its all touchy and it helps her.#as much as it sometimes pains her so it can be both negative and positive#haruka is like :3 but if takane is squirming all uncomfortable he's like do we HAVE to do this youre NOT enjoying it at all and she's like#EUGH DONT TALK I CAN FEEL YOU BREATHING AGAINST ME ITS DISGUSTING#and haruka's like man when you scheduled to cuddle 1 hour a day i wasnt imagining this💔💔💔#BUT WHATEVER HE WANTS TO HELP SO HE HELPS💗 he just doesnt want her to be all uncomfortable but takane understands she needs it#BECAUSE SHE CAN ALSO LOVE IT IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW SHE'S DOING THAT PARTICULAR DAY#and as time goes on its more and more that she enjoys it and tells haruka he can now touch her without having to ask first:3#i think at first its exclusively takane who begins any sort of physical contact not bc haruka is shy#but bc he doesnt wanna put her in a weird situation if she doesn't wanna be touched he probably only dares to like hold her hand. ñ#which is her sleeve. bc she covers their hands. lol#BUT TAKANE RLY COMES THRU i think they rly talk abt all this and she rly comes to him like hi. u can touch me without asking if u want.#and haruka's like ?? U MEAN I CAN KISS U WITHOUT ASKING??? AND TAKANES LIKE YEAH!!!and haruka's like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!#hey. sorry for being insane. i have very particular headcanons that i need to share i NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME#did anyone read all these damn tags#god idk why i dont write this as the post itself but then i cant go and copy the tags. what a nightmare#kagevinnie#headcanons
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i would type a big ol' paragraph about jane and beard's relationship but I also can't be bothered so tis staying in the ol' noggin
edit: did it anyway lols
#let's just say it's not as crazy as everyone is making it out to be#yes jane is insane#but so is beard#dont get me started on the word toxic#basically yes their relationship is all sorts of unhealthy#but like just cos its on a tv show doesnt mean everything needs to be fine and dandy#yeah they got married#yeah they stayed together#objectively we know that probably isnt healthy#but beard is in love with the woman#he didnt sleep for 3 days#we know that and that's his decision#she loves him in her own weird way too#i understand how relationships can be toxic as much as the next person and sure this is an example#but what you gonna do?#sometimes that happens#sometimes that's just how it goes#my main point is. just cos it's a fictional tv show doesnt mean everything needs to be fine and dandy#beard's happy so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#and ted not going to the wedding.#Brendan's answer is spot on#you dont have to go to someone's wedding to be their best friend#some people don't see weddings as the huge things that they are#and that's fine#Brendan's answer was a perfect summary of friendships and more specifically ted and beard's friendship#also while im at it#ted going to kansas is also fine#doesn't erase his progress#if you ask me hes made a fuck ton of progress#oh look im out of tags. guess thats all ill be saying on the matter. peace
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I don’t remember much from the danganronpa end of hopes peak anime, nor do I remember liking it too much, but every time I think about the episode where Chiaki dies I kinda just have to lie down and cry for a minute 🥺
#danganronpa#havent seen it in years man but i remember watching it with a friend the first time#she had to run to the bathroom to compose herself cuz she was sobbing so much 😭#it fucked me up like at the time i dont even think i was that crazy about chiaki#this has changed over time shes like my second favorite character from the game now#but damn just like her being doomed from the start was so AAAAAA#cuz the big twist with her in dr2 was that she was an ai instead of a real living person#so when you see her in the flesh in the anime youre kinda like huh what? i thought she was just an ai??#and then it hits you that oh. oh no#and in the episode shes fighting so hard to make it through this death trap like she gets absolutely fucked up#if she survived shed need serious medical attention quickly#but despite everything she makes it to the exit and is greeted by her friends and teacher and its like OMG SHE DID IT#and then the rug is pulled out from under her and you the audience cuz no matter how much you route for her shes doomed#GIRL IS DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE#but fuuuck the bit that always gets me is when izuru sees her dying#and shes just like pathetically sloshing around in her own blood trying to talk to the person he is inside#telling him that hes still loved by her despite everything theyve been through#and just fucking. izuru having no emotions no recollection of who this girl is just watches her die#AND DESPITE EVERYTHING HE STILL CRIES BECAUSE DEEP DOWN HES STILL THAT BOY HE USED TO BE#AND DESPITE EVERYTHING THATS CHANGED HE STILL LOVES HER AND HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHY#yeah lol something about that fucked me up lol
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remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?
well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.
#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do#is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL#ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY#FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME#im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment#about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally#never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21#despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year#Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward#because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him#ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE#SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR#DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS#My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have#i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that#im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities#and like being happy is what matter#why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy#like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL#imo thats just abuse#like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that#i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them#but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her#hell i can barely take care of myself#but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way#its happened twice in the three days shes been here#just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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me, holding my primary ttrpg oc in my hands: im giving you so mcuh family trauma :)
#her red ribbon is a gift from her dad that relates to a paternal grandmother she never met#her engagement ring was inherited from her maternal grandmother and served the same function there#as part of a marriage to a man naielle has also never met#her jacket is part of an elaborate prank with her twin brother that she carries with her in foreign lands#as a reminder that she's him and he's her and theyre two parts of a pair even if she's entire planes away#in the time shes been away her older sister has been married and has a daughter#and naielle has never met her niece. might NEVER meet her niece.#if she waits out a collapse like she had originally planned she also may never meet her brother-in-law - a human man#he's already 30. if she's lucky she has like 50 years to try and meet him. if he's lucky. he's currently fighting in the army#and naielle knows that! her older sister and brother in law and her twin brother and her wife currently raise arms in a pitched conflict#hell her younger sister was too. now she's been forcibly conscripted into a different battle by NAIELLE#naielle did that! she brought her sister into her bullshit! it eats her alive to know that#that her family at home fights to the death and she marches her own sister towards a different precipice#its fucking bonkers#uh and i guess her younger brother exists too. listen naielle and yivien dont get along and its not even interesting#whereas naielle and mariela were briefly fully at each others throat. yiviens a coward.#if naielle went home as she is now and yivien started a fight naielle would just deck him. i think he needs that#hes not even babied that much hes just kind of an insulated brat. gotta swirlie that boy#i mean this stuff might not be trauma but it is DRAMA and naielle is full with it#all these regrets and connections to family who may not even love her (anymore)#she carries her family with her into a battle they don't know about and can't understand#unless mariela's letter back home was uh. particularly compelling. naielle doesnt know about all that
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nightly reminder! Liara T'soni my beloved
#my brother is getting back to finishing ME2 & remembering belatedly he did flirt a little with Tali n needs to let her down gently#bc he did Shadowbroker between conversations+never went back down to talk and ouuuughhe.#tali is very cute. i love her. 'but liara would be really sad... apex listen i know she was open to it with Ashley cant they all just talk'#i understand man. 'you at least had Horizon muddying things! Shepard and Liara did the shadow broker adventure together... agh..'#hate 2 say it king ur right!! katrine shepard had the stress relief & excuse of a suicide mission guillotine over an uncertain relationship#silas shepard and liara are very much together and all kissy on the broker's ship and in the normandy reunion . brother she has Cameras‼️#he has decided to put off his decision on how to talk to Tali for another day and im waiting with bated breath for what he does.#mass effect is a comedy. but more importantly it's my nightly soap opera. okay goodnight#mass effect#armour clanking#<-for my own blog sorting. sry if all this tagchatter goes in the ME tag. i think this many means it doesnt get sorted in though? oh well#me and the alien ship drama. i have to do my own mshep run soon uough... but i like miss katrine...(and fshep's model/voice generally more)
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I don't know if I can continue reading sp atp because it's very clear valkyrie is never going to fully understand that skulduggery's the reason for almost everything bad thing in her life
#'you didnt see that coming like 8 years ago' NO because she started working through her trauma#completely stripped of all known magic and learning gradually that skulduggery was hiding insane shit from her#i thought she would FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY realize this was his fault but shes never been mad at him for longer than like 12 minutes#girl youre doomed to near-immortality in a life that will never be good or happy because of him#because he didnt tell a child to go home because he didnt raze the necromancer temple to the ground when he had the ability#because he didnt let her fucking die in colorado like she wanted#she needs to understand that as much as he loves her he doesnt love like a human anymore#EVERYONE AROUND HIM thought the choices he made regarding her were deranged but theyre fucking terrified of him#he cant decide whether to love her as a child or a partner or a friend because all the people who really held those epithets died violently#before he knew what they meant#hes so fucked i love him so much i could carve his name into my face but i also want valkyrie to tell him to go to hell#says kenna
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