#she needs to go have a little breakdown by herself and then she'll go talk to the warden constable or w/e

[msommers]

every body the party takes care of is burned instead of interred. too scared to actually discuss or see if anybody has researched it but constantly worrying over if darkspawn ghouls lose their souls or if they enter the fade or if they're trapped inside the tainted body. fighting 4 broodmothers in a row with a persistent loop of "are we releasing these women from their pain or are we adding to it or have they already long since left this world" on the brain. dead boyfriend's parents refused to let watchers speak with his spirit to ask what happened to him. dead best friend joins his brother in the family crypt and the whole fucking thing disappears WITH a watcher apparently inside and nobody knows what's going on.

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Pernille's Princesse

Hardersson x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: A look back at your birth from Pernille's perspective

It was, ultimately, a good idea to visit the Wolfsburg team.

Pernille was feeling terribly bad, all fat and bloated. She feels restless too, which is what actually prompts her to drag her heavily pregnant self to the training grounds to get some fresh air.

She's talking with Nilla Fischer, Magda's national teammate, when it happens. She sucks in as pain flares before something that she's been predicting will happen soon, happens.

"Are you okay?" Fischer asks, having caught the wince.

Pernille grabs her upper arms. "My water just broke," She says plainly," Did you bring your car to practice? I'd appreciate it if you drove me to the hospital."

"Oh..er...yeah, sure."

Pernille keeps a tight hold on her emotions as Nilla bundles her into the car and sets off to the hospital. Mainly, because she knows that after she's made this phone call, she'll have to be the calm one of the pair.

"I'll be there soon," Magda's voice says in greeting, a hint of laughter within it," I'm just about to get on the plane."

"You need to call Emma," Pernille says casually even though she's gritting her teeth and squeezing Nilla's wrist over the gear stick.

"What?"

Pernille thinks that Magda might be a little slow today. "You need to call Emma." Her words are short and sharp and it's all she can do from screaming from pain. "And tell her that you'll be sitting the next few games out. You're busy."

"But I'm not?"

Pernille wants to scream and cry but she's trying to stay strong and not have a breakdown in Nilla's car. It doesn't quite work because she snaps at Magda. "You are! Because I'll be damned if I push your baby out and you run back to England a few days later."

She can hear Magda's sharp inhale of worried breath. "But...You can't be having her now! She's early!"

"By two days!" Pernille hisses as another contraction hits her. "I'll send you the hospital address. I don't care how you do it but if you miss this, Magda, I will not be happy."

She drops the call when Nilla pulls into an empty parking space, leaping from the car to help get Pernille out.

"Worried mama?" The receptionist lady asks as Nilla flaps about trying to get Pernille seen.

"Worried friend," Pernille replies as she fills in one last form, handing it back over the counter," The other mama is on a plane to get here right now."

The receptionist winces in sympathy and flags down a nurse to take Pernille to her room.

Nilla comes with her but after a few hours and a text from Magda saying she's landed, Pernille kicks their mutual friend out.

"You're hovering and it's stressing me out!" She snaps as another contraction comes through. "Go and wait outside for Magda!"

Nilla leaving gives Pernille time to calm herself, taking in long and soothing breaths as she rubs her stomach. "Come on, princesse. Just stay like you are for a bit longer or I'll have to kill your Morsa."

She doesn't need to worry though because, no sooner has a nurse confirmed that she's only five centimetres, does Magda arrive.

"Am I late?"

Pernille's lying back on the bed, hand still rubbing circles on her stomach. She deadpans," Does it look like you're late?"

Magda relaxes significantly before saying with a hint of laughter," I think I scared Nilla. I left all my luggage with her."

Pernille waves a hand dismissively. "She's got spare keys. The nurse said I'm only five centimetres dilated. We could be here for a few more hours. Have you called Emma yet?"

Magda's guilty face says everything.

"We have time," Pernille says," Call her now and tell her."

She's right, of course, because your grand entrance to the world doesn't happen until early in the morning. It's absolute hell pushing you out and Pernille's ninety percent sure that she's absolutely wrecked Magda's hand from how hard she was clenching it.

She definitely screamed as well and she also doesn't want to think about the fact that the doctor had a view of her the whole time.

"You did it," Magda says as Pernille slumps back against the pillows," She's here."

Pernille can hear you screaming and she smiles, absolutely exhausted. "She's here."

She watches as the doctor passes a bundle wrapped in your baby blanket to Magda.

You've gone quiet and you're absolutely beautiful, Pernille notes, when you're unwrapped and placed on her chest.

You're rooting immediately and Pernille can do little but stare in awe at you.

●～●～●～●～

Getting you home is easy and Pernille makes Magda drag the cradle into the main bedroom, so they can get you easily at night.

"Look at those legs go. You're going to be such a good addition to Sweden when you're older."

Pernille rolls her eyes as she sits up in bed, having taken a power nap. "You mean Denmark. I'm not raising my daughter to wear a Sweden jersey."

"We'll see."

Pernille picks you up and marvels, not for the first time, at how easily you fit into her arms. She moves to the rocking chair and places you in Magda's arms.

You both look so sweet together, so soft and loving that Pernille has to take a picture - immortalising the moment.

"That's getting framed," She says with a grin," I think I'll put it on my bedside table. So I can remember this moment with you and the princesse." She crouches down to make you wear the hood, caressing your cheeks.

"We need to give her a name soon," Magda reminds her but her eyes haven't left you," We can't keep calling her the princesse."

Pernille thinks of the list they made, the one taped up to the fridge door. They had been going back and forth for weeks. She bites her lip as the name she had heard recently comes to mind.

She hums. "I know it wasn't on the list," She says finally," But I like y/n."

Magda repeats it with a smile, looking down at you. "Is that your name? Are you a y/n?"

You kick your legs, slamming them into Magda and Pernille smothers her laugh.

"That's a pretty powerful strike, princesse." Magda looks up at her. "I think she's giving us her approval."

"I think so too. y/n Harder-Eriksson."

"y/n Eriksson-Harder."

Pernille scoffs and rolls her eyes. "We've got another day before the trip to the embassies. We'll argue about her last name later." Her hand ghosts over your head. "What matters right now is princesse has a name now."

"It's a very pretty name."

[numberonetacostan]

you mentioned goo in your last post and now all i can imagine is how delightful a goo and taco friendship would be

HI ANON THANKS FOR SENDING SOMETHINF IN BECAUSE I AM THE #1 GOOCO FRIENDSHIP TRUTHER!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S WONDERFUL GUYS, PLEASE. I went a bit into detail on their potential relationship in my friendship tierlist, if you'd want more there, but I will talk about them here too because I LOVE THEM.

He's such a sweet, whimsical, happy little munchkin!!! And Taco is a sad, traumatized little munchkin!!! A perfect match!!!! My beloved Taco is going to be so depressed immediately post-canon, Mepad is dead!!!! (Rest in peace King I love you). She'll need a visit from the cheer factory!!! But since Taco tends to keep herself in small places, Goo might have to brave this challenge alone, yeah!!! If Taco has locked herself alone in a room to cry? Who can squeeeesh himself under the door?? Goo!!!!!!! And then they can perform his cheer factory duties!!! He might not be able to make her laugh, not right away, but someone she doesn't know so persistently trying to make her smile? After all these years of isolation? I think she'd come around pretty quickly. After finding out about season 3 and maybe having a breakdown over it maybe. BUT REGARDLESS!! They could form a solid little friendship!!! Goo is a sensitive little fella, so Taco would have to be careful in how she interacts with him, but I think that would just serve as good motivation for her!!! She wants to do right by someone, damn it!!! Goo has said that he has trouble sticking to people, and Taco grabs ahold of whatever friends she can make because she has been so very alone, so they could form a lasting bond!!!! Gooco friendship!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *i explode into confetti just like the inani-mates but not because i am dying because i am so passionate about their friendship*

[hajihiko]

I am sad and in need of my bed

SO MY QUESTION FOR YOU RUMPS IS

How do you think the dr2 characters cope with the big sad, what kind they are (good and bad), and who comes to help em out :)

(if you say hajime for assistance because he’s technically the ultimate therapist you’re gonna get your shoes stolen /lh/nsrs)

Hajime.

BUT not because hes the Ultimate therapist, rather because he is very adept at making people feel comfortable. Meta-wise, this is because he's the protagonist of a character-heavy game that encourages you to form a bond with at least one NPC, and most of the NPCs are jerks. Of course you want some encouragement or rewardl and your reward is the NPC opening up and trusting you, the player character.

But since we're not viewing the characters as NPCs in a game, in-world it comes out as Hajime getting even the most suspicious, awkward and stand-offish people to like him enough to overcome some of their issues, meaning he's just a comfortable dude.

So, besides Hajime;

Akane: ignores the big sad for as long as she can. Might have a little breakdown but still tries to get over it way before she's ready by distracting herself or pretending like a comfort worked 100% ("now that I've cried for half a minute I'm FINE haha see ya"). She would go to Kazuichi for distractions and someone who will probably do the crying for her. Slowly starts being open to Fuyuhiko's offer of talking things out, but only when she's already done being sad.

Sonia: Even if she is big sad in private, she has a hard time being real with it in front of others because she tends to pop into inspiration mode. She might pep talk herself (and others) several times without any real progress because she isnt letting it out. Eventually she'll yell and cry and then actually feel better afterwards. I think besides Hajime shed split pretty easily between Akane and Fuyuhiko, who are both awkward around big emotions but ultimately also very helpful.

Kazuichi: Feels big emotions all the time and sadness is a big part of it. He is very capable of feeling the things- its hiding them that's the problem- so he's used to it, but a linger melancholy cloud that doesnt go away even when he's done sobbing about it is a bigger problem. I think he would go to Sonia if he needed point-blank merciless advice (he is careful though, between not wanting to seem like he's pressuring her and not being able to take rejection when he's already so depressed) or Akane for comfort.

Fuyuhiko: it's kinda complicated because he was actually fairly good at dealing with grief in-game (once he was past the passive suicidal ideation) but that was in the middle of a murder game and. I think he would be the type to push it aside for as long as something bigger needs doing, but he suffers for it when there's nothing else to focus on. He feels better when he thinks he has some control so besides Hajime he goes to Souda, who a) has no room to judge and b) wont dare to snitch or get too mushy.

The ones most likely to intentionally seek out the sad people are probably Fuyuhiko (as with Akane post Nekomaru death) and Souda (again Akane & Nekomaru's death). Probably Sonia too? Just based on vibes (and she got Fuyuhiko a get-well-soon present).

Hajime definitely feels like the type to isolate when he actually feels the sad, but he's more likely to get frustrated or listless than outright sad (he also does not have a crying sprite in the game). I think who he goes to is really dependant on what he wants out of the interaction. With Akane, it's easy to forget anything is wrong, but she'll also be a big strong pillar to lean on. Souda is great with distractions and emotional validation (easily affected by other people's moods). Sonia cheers people up and doesnt let anyone get away with wallowing, and Fuyuhiko is a good conversationalist and has experience with actually handling grief (fun fact, all of Fuyuhiko's FTEs revolve around just talking, mayhaps because he has no hobbies besides crime but who knows) .

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

here's a question, what do you think happens to Debbie (and Franny) post s11? Personally I'm not a fan of the idea that Debbie would go off with Heidi after she fought tooth and nail to stay in her own house, plus Heidi is...not really what I'd picture for a good ending to Debbie's story. What would you see being a good post script for Debs?

ahhhh i love you for asking this

i mean, there's a part of me that wants to say that everything will go great for them, but i think that it'll be rough for a little while.

to answer the heidi thing (which i have talked about many times before but this ask is a little bit old lol sorry!), she will not last. she'll be gone in like, a week, and will never be heard from again. i think that the finale made that pretty clear, even though other people interpreted it in other ways. when heidi mentioned texas, debbie looked hesitant, and considering how she spent the past season fighting for this house, and the past eleven seasons fighting for her family, there isn't a single part of me that thinks she will be leaving for texas and if she does, her kid will be coming with her 100%.

but anyways, debbie will be going through it. she will have lost her father and her girlfriend in the same week or so and given her abandonment issues, i think she'll probably break. she'll have a whole breakdown over it, then be a bit depressed for a month or two, and then i think she'll slowly start to feel better. also, something that nobody talks about for some reason is the fact that post-11x12 all of the gallaghers (including mickey, tami, kevin, and veronica) all most likely get covid since they were all around frank and like touching him and shit, so that will probably happen.

i think that, as always, she'll pick herself up on her own and fix everything herself. her business will thrive, maybe she'll help out at the alibi if carl and tipping buy it (i hc that they do), but i think that money-wise she'll be set.

she and lip will definitely still have some conflict. every gallagher kid has a complex, difficult relationship with frank (i've actually been writing about this) but these two and frank have always stuck out to me (but they all stick out to me, honestly). i think that since the two of them were already fighting and are both notoriously awful at handling their emotions shit will go down.

debbie will keep the house since it's been in her name since the season nine finale (i mean duh, why would lip get to sell HER house??), lip, tami, and fred will move to milwaukee but then lip and tami will split up and it'll be messy, maybe he'll come back to chicago and they'll get split custody, carl will live there for another year or two, liam will live there until he graduates, and ian and mickey will move back to the south side. debbie will feel uneasy because of all of the change, so she'll insist on family dinners weekly, absolutely NO exceptions (you could be sick with some sort of flesh eating virus and she'd still demand that you attend).

she will never fully process losing frank. even dead, he still manages to fuck her over. i think that she'll set up a memorial for him a lot like the one she set up in 3x01.

if she reads the letter it'll fuck her up even more and i'm hoping that she gets therapy (i have a fic in my drafts about this lol) to help her deal with trauma, abandonment issues, grief, and help her navigate parenting while being only twenty.

i seriously just wish her the best because season eleven really made me realize how much she actually needs help.

live laugh debbie gallagher

[bitemedotmp3]

There's been a lot on Uzi's mind recently. It would be nice if most of it was normal teenage angst, but lurking between thoughts of Christmas shopping and awkward conversations with her friends, glowing yellow eyes and stilted audio output slice into her memories, tearing pleasant thoughts to ribbons. Why is it freaking her out so much, Cyn had definitely been worse back on Copper 9.

Had she? Their clash back in their home had been over the fate of the planet, but here it was... personal. Cyn wasn't trying to crack open the crust and slurp up the planet's core (yet), she was cornering Uzi in an elevator and threatening her friends. Maybe it was just easier to distance herself from it when it was something as vague and impersonal as the universe, as opposed to her frickin' roommate.

Snowflakes fall on Uzi's visor, their jagged fractals barely visible before melting on the warm surface. The cold feels nice, keeping her processors from overheating into an anxious puddle. Some super-cool hero she'd become; now she was just worried that some edgy meat-puppet would show up at her house to put nasty fingerprints all over her stuff. She wouldn't put it above Cyn to be annoying just because.

Uzi stops walking, and no one else on the street takes notice. "Ugh," she groans. "Ughhhh."

She sags her knees and lets her head roll back. "UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Feels a little better now. Sometimes you need a nice bitch and moan.

Stuffing her hands in her pockets, Uzi resumes her walk. If she gets too worked up about the Solver's stupid threats, that's as good as letting it win, so she just won't. She'll distract herself, maybe buy a new video game or music album, or maybe she can see if V's busy and-

"You."

Or maybe people on the street are about to start fighting, that would be fun to watch. Uzi looks in the direction of that venom-filled pronoun, then her eyes go hollow when she sees it's directed at her.

"Me?" she says, raising a brow.

"I've been looking for you. I knew I'd find you, I'm just glad it didn't take very long." The other speaker approaches, a girl with long, dark hair and pointed, fluffy ears atop her head. "I haven't been able to sleep well because of you, knowing you're out in this city... I won't forgive you! Not for taking my name, not for tricking people, not for trying to hurt Mika!"

Uzi looks from side to side, hoping that there's someone standing behind her that she hadn't noticed. The other passersby seem to have thinned out, leaving only her and the other girl. "I think you're confused, dude. I have no idea what you're talking about- Oh! No, I know you! You're Nier!"

Right, the girl Mika has a crush on. Uzi lets her guard down, because she's already figured this whole thing out. Nier is just confused because she became a worker drone for a bit, and Uzi's the only other one in the city. The... stuff that happened with her and Mika in the museum upset her, and now it's an issue of mistaken identity. Thankfully, this is not a work of fiction and thus the misunderstanding will be easy to clean up.

Nier's expression stiffens. "That's right... I'm Nier. You're just some... fake. And I need to get rid of you, or I won't be able to rest."

Uzi takes a step back, her boots crunching in the snow. "Hold on, I promise you've got it all wrong. I'm U-"

"Quiet! I don't want to hear it!" cries the girl, clutching her head. "I can't stop thinking about all the things you did...! You killed them, you ate them, and you tried to eat Mika! I-I can't... stop thinking about their hearts, their blood, everything you did, you... you...!"

Eyes screwed shut, Nier lets out a pained wail. Sobs wrack her voice, and Uzi turns to leave. This is definitely Nier, because the stuff she's saying lines up with the things Mika told her, but Uzi doesn't want to be around for some yandere catgirl's mental breakdown. Better to just let Mika know what's going on, so she can-

"Don't try to run! Death!"

There's a whooshing sound, and Uzi feels her feet give out from under her. No, the pain in her legs and the warning on her HUD are telling her she has no feet, and she cries out as she topples to the ground. Rolling on her back, she grits her teeth and glares daggers as Nier approaches her at a leisurely pace. As she watches, a large, ghostly figure drifts to Nier's side; a dark, humanoid shape with a flowing dress and mourning veil. Uzi's first thought is that it would look awesome on a t-shirt, and her second is Oh great, she has a Stand.

"I could have just killed her, my love..." says Death, her voice a low moan. "No need to drag this out..."

"I know, but I just want to make sure... If she ever comes back, she needs to understand that she can't just-"

"That hurt, you fucking psycho!" shouts Uzi. Oil bleeds from the stumps of her legs onto the snow below, a total waste of the precious fluid. "And you ruined my favorite boots! What's wrong with you?"

"Wh-me?!" Nier stomps to Uzi's side, looming over her. "Did you forget what you did? You're lucky I don't just cut you into pieces right now!"

"Bite me! That wasn't me, idiot!" Uzi can feel her feet are mostly repaired, and her boots too. Nice. "That was your frickin'... dronesona or whatever! It was you!"

"No, no, no! I wouldn't do those things! I'd never hurt Mika, I wouldn't... eat anyone...!"

"Join the club," groans Uzi, trying to sit up. "You were a worker drone, and you were infected, so it made you do messed-up stuff. Don't lash out at me just 'cuz you can't deal, go to therapy like a normal person."

Splashes of water fall onto Uzi's body, making her flinch. She looks up to see fat teardrops rolling down Nier's cheeks as the other girl covers her face with her hands. "No, no..." she mumbles. "I didn't, I didn't... No no no no no no no....!"

"Don't have time for this." Uzi rolls over a few times and gets to her feet, now fully repaired. "If you wanna have a breakdown over your girlfriend, do it away from me."

Nier's look of confusion stops her tears. She looks over at Uzi, brow knit in concern as Death looks from the girl, to the drone, and back. "My... girlfriend? What are you talking about...?"

Shit.

"Distraction! Bite me!" Uzi gathers a clump of snow in her hand and sends it flying with the aid of the Solver. The snowball hits the girl right in the face, and she yelps in surprise as Uzi dashes away. Behind her, Uzi can hear Death wail as her master commands her to the chase, and so she opts not to look behind her.

"Great, cool. Crazy stalker number two," pants Uzi, ducking into a side alley. She doesn't know where she's going, she just wants to take as many turns as she can to throw off her pursuers, get home, and then yell at Mika for not explaining that her frickin' roommate is also a worker drone!

Bleeding out and repair functions left Uzi with a little less than half her normal supply of oil, but it should be more than enough to get her back home. Just need to keep running, and - robo-God, she should've asked for her wings back instead of the cool telekinesis! She ducks under a broken fence and climbs a stack of boxes, starting to feel a tiny bit safer. Just enough that she can chance a glance behind her, and-

"Found youuuuuu...!"

Figures. Uzi hops as Death swings a wicked blade at her legs, hearing the whoosh of air as it sails beneath her feet. "Leave me alone!" she yells.

"Come back and face your retribution!"

"Ugh, is there someone more sensible I could talk to? Someone less murder-y?" Uzi waves her hand again, bringing a pile of garbage into Death's path. It does nothing to deter her however, and her twin scythes slice through the obstacles.

Uzi groans, rolling her eyes. "Or couldn't you at least have waited a few more days until I had time to compartmentalize my last trauma?"

"Stop mocking us!"

Facing forward, Uzi only has a moment before she collides right into Nier. The weight of her frame sends both girls sprawling, and she can hear Nier's sharp intake of breath as she lies on the ground. Don't have time to pity her, thinks Uzi, scrambling to her feet. Gotta get out, if I die here I'll be frickin' pissed!

>[SEVERE STRUCTURAL DAMAGE WARNING!]

She doesn't feel the blade slide into her back. The tip poking out from her stomach when she looks down, narrowly missing her core. A dribble of black flows out from the wound, and when she opens her mouth to cry out, the only thing she can do is cough up some oil. Death's hands grab onto her shoulders, lifting her up as Nier stands, dusting snow off her blue cloak.

"There's no point in struggling," says Nier, brushing white powder from her hair. "Not even someone like you can run from death..."

"Don't wanna hear your monologue," says Uzi, feeling oil dribble down her chin. It hurts, it hurts, and one of her eyes is replaced with a large warning symbol, but there's nothing she can do about it now. "Gloating is for losers. Unless it's me, of course."

Nier grits her teeth and leans in. Her voice is a violent whisper, and Uzi winces at her warm breath against her visor. "Why can't you just admit it? That you did something wrong, and this is what you deserve? You hurt someone important to me, and... I won't let you do it again. I'm going to make you disappear."

Uzi just rolls her eyes and dismisses the warnings in her HUD. Oil leaking, severe internal damage, please find a licensed JCJensen technician, she gets it. "How do you think Mika's gonna feel when she learns about this?"

For a moment, fear races across Nier's face, but it's soon replaced with a mixture of anger and disgust. "She doesn't need to know... When you're gone, it won't be an issue, and we'll both be happy."

Uzi laughs, which trails off into a dribbling cough. "Robo-god, she was really right about you, you have some intense inner darkness. It'd be metal if you weren't such a dumbass."

Rearing back, she spits, sending a glob of oil right onto Nier's cheek. The girl winces as it dribbles down her face and drips onto her blouse, and frowns as she brushes it away with her fingers. "Death... I'm tired of this," she says.

"People come back here, you know that! And I'm gonna tell her myself!" shouts Uzi, struggling in Death's grip. "I'm her roommate you goddamn i-"

She doesn't hear the whoosh this time. She doesn't hear anything. As Death's scythe severs Uzi's neck, her whole body goes limp. The head bounces off the nearby alley wall, and rolls to a stop near a stack of old newspapers. Her mouth is still curled in a snarl of final defiance, but her violet-yellow eyes are gone, replaced with a crimson display: FATAL ERROR.

Death drops the body with an unceremonious thump, and drifts to Nier's side. "It is done, my love..." she says. "Shall we go and tell Mika the good news?"

"Not yet..." says Nier, her eyes still fixed on the small machine's body. "Remember how her feet healed after you cut them off? I want to make sure her head doesn't do something similar..."

"As you wish... I shall remain here, in case I am needed..."

Nier gives the primal a small smile. "Thank you, Death... Thank you for everything."

A minute passes. Then five, then ten. While at first, the snow had melted as soon as it came into contact with the drone's body, it begins to pile up as her temperature lowers. At fifteen minutes, Nier finally relaxes. "I think we'll be alright now... Let's go, Death. Mika is waiting for us."

With the nod, Death dissipates into a black mist, and Nier turns to leave. The body- if you can even call it that, is simply left behind.

Within her chest cavity, Uzi breathes a simulated sigh of relief as the sound of footsteps fades. She never thought she'd be happy to have her consciousness transferred to a gross techno-organic core organ, but it means she won't have to waste time waiting for a respawn. Instead, she just pops the seal on her torso chassis and crawls out, brushing snow off her abandoned corpse.

"Man, I treated her body way nicer than she did mine... In the end, anyways," she grumbles. Skittering around on three spindly limbs, she drags her decapitated head over to her neck stump, hoping the repair function will elect to mend rather than replace altogether. Even if it's purely out of spite, she wants to get back home as soon as she can.

Uzi hops back into her chest and closes the panels. Nestling back into the core housing, she takes a few moments to reconnect all the gross fleshy bits that tether her vital components, and... waits. It's all she can do for now.

After a few minutes, she gets a small notification in the corner of her eye. A small readout that states: >///Run: fnctn ABSLTSLVR; repairmode.exe.

"Oh good," hums Uzi. "Hopefully I can get home with enough time to frickin' kill Mika's crush."

[catboxghost]

ok i saw someone talking about like. how the wol feels about everything going on, whether theyre having a good time or not being on this big adventure and i had some Thoughts, a lot of Thoughts, with regards to my wol and i need to write this down so it will stop bouncing around in my head (and i can finish endwalker)

spoilers for shadowbringers!!

at this point kitali is absolutely fucking miserable. just having a shit awful time. this is a psychological horror game to her. she had a pretty sweet life back in the steppe, doing fuckall, looking after her sheep. and then that was all ripped away from her by the empire, she lost her home and her family and was set adrift before coming to eorzea because it was the only place left to go. she ended up joining the scions because they had ostensibly similar goals to her, fighting back against the garleans and liberating the world, and possibly helping her find her mom and sister, which has been her goal for years by now. and so she gladly lets herself be turned into a weapon and be pointed at the nearest existential threat, and somehow finds herself able to overcome impossible odds again and again, much to her surprise. she even has a pretty good time for a little bit, and the scions really do become her friends. and then eventually she does find her mother and sister: her sister had been pressed into service as a maidservant at doma castle, and her mother married a wealthy imperial lord. she doesn't have to save either of them anymore. it's about at this point that she realizes just how badly she'd allowed herself to be manipulated and used. there's still two whole nations to liberate, but the resentment starts to simmer. post-stormblood she's kinda like "oh wow you guys aren't actually my friends, you're my employers" to the scions and the eorzean alliance. she can't really be mad at alphinaud because he's just a particularly idealistic kid whose desperation and naivete were also taken advantage of, but she's not a soldier, and she never wanted to be, and she's sick of being treated like one. and yet she will continue to be, because at this point fighting is all she knows. this becomes especially egregious in shadowbringers where the whole "living weapon" thing is placed front and center as every enemy she defeats literally starts to turn her into a monster; the more she fights, the worse she gets, and nobody can help her. this culminates in her having a big screaming sobbing breakdown in front of ghostbert and falling into a week-long depressive episode alone in her room. and this is before she starts throwing up blood from eating angels! (as an aside the whole g'raha/exarch "haha i was secretly manipulating you" thing hits so damn good in kitali's story, because he really did only ever know her as an unstoppable hero, and then she actually shows up as this shy, sad girl angry at the whole world, and now he's about to do the exact same thing to her that everyone else in her life did and make her go kill things he wants dead, and it makes him feel guilty!! and so at the end when he's about to make his big sacrifice, he's all like "aha yes, i used you the whole time, you were just another pawn to me" in hopes that she'll hate him, so that she won't try to stop him when he blows himself up. but it doesn't work because she wuvs him <3) post-shadowbringers she kind of starts to accept it, even internalize it, in a nihilistic sort of way. like "yknow what? fine. all i do is kill things. i am the hyper-lethal vector, the gun pointed at the head of the universe, hydaelyn's special little murder machine. my life doesn't belong to me anymore and apparently it never really did, so why fight it?" and so everything that happens in endwalker (so far) just kind of bounces right off of her. this does not improve her mood in any way.

[lunawish]

✨ general portrayal notes for god's favourite princess and the most interesting girl ✨

in act i, she'll behave mostly like her early access self aka all the snark, all the sass, the brusqueness, and the dark humor. the released version dialed it down and whilst i do adore her in the released version, i love her early edge a lot more.

generally "good" aligned play through. i put good in quotes because sometimes you don't intentionally save the grove, sometimes it's just a byproduct of a selfish need for knowledge on how to get the damn tadpole outta your brain. i am also more than willing to explore "evil" playthrough dynamics (again, it's in quotes bc sometimes you don't slaughter the grove ... the grove slaughters itself bc kagha psionically tells people that you attacked her for idk executing a child???)

act i and early- act ii can be summed up by the words cognitive dissonance

i am much more partial towards her exile path versus her dark justiciar path — which means she frees aylin from the soul cage, defies shar, has a mental breakdown hair cut etc

i lean towards the theory of her hair being white after the shadowfell as a result of the pain and torture she endured. so in short : marie antoinette syndrome.

that being said, if i were to play her as dark justiciar the ending is still going to be her betraying shar. she'll free her parents and take them far away from the cities. it's due to personal discomfort that i can't fully commit to the route of her becoming mother superior.

i understand her canonical model and general consensus is that she's a white woman. however, on this blog she's portrayed as mixed race ( white and asian - wasian ) if a modern verse should arise. that being said, this will influence how i adapt her post-game and her finding her roots as a person.

my preferred ending is her saving her parents and then moving into a cottage. i don't believe the curse is entirely incurable and it'll bind her and her parents' fate to shar forever even into the afterlife but that'll be a whole post on its own because forgotten realms lore is messy.

though i also do very much adore the moonbathed adventurer ending as well! that's something i like more if she was romantically (or ever queerplatonically) involved with someone just so she's not lonely on the road.

also on the topic of religiosity: her powers are blessed by selune, yes. she's a "moonbathed" cleric, yes. but she's not gonna be a devout selunite. at least not for a while. for my default portrayal, in early act iii she will begin to dip into a few levels of ranger as she still understands the importance of her being the group's healer and because she needs to adapt to using a bow more frequently than she has in the past. after defeating the netherbrain she will fully transition into the ranger class, taking up the subclass of gloomstalker which allows her to use the skills she's learned as a sharran and reclaim them for herself.

introspection. so much introspection. she's having a crisis of faith every goddamn minute but she's trying to talk herself outta that crisis as well. so her internal dialogue is a whole mess (what it means is if i write you six paragraphs of her thoughts it's fine if you don't match length in fact if it's not natural for you to please don't ahaha)

body dysmorphia. it'll be a common topic relating to her whether about her wound/curse or her in act 3 about her scars, her body, her feeling unclean etc. plus, due to a lack of a coherent identity (her memories being literal chop suey at this point), she has a messy relationship with gender that she can't quite articulate but know it's There.

i'll be treating her like she's never had sex or kissed before because she's voluntarily wiped her memories, so she's gonna be a little cautious and nervous about it. the innuendos and sly remarks you hear her make is a front to keep the vulnerability of her lack of experience behind a hidden achievement (plus the body remembers traumas!).

there will be flareups where she isn't crying out or is noticeable to others. this is inspired by the fact in her origin, she doesn't always cry out and her companions don't notice her in pain. the moments where her wound flares and others know mean 1) it's excruciating and/or 2) she trusts the other person enough to express herself.

[godsequal]

    𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍           (     TEAM GREEN   ,    TEAM BLACK  ?      )     ⎯⎯⎯⎯     𝒓𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒏𝒚𝒓𝒂'𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 ,  𝒂𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒆𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔    .        )  

this discussion surrounding coraline's family unity is incredibly complex , just as the dance of the dragons is . all of them divided by blood ,   honour   &.   their own personal gains  &.  what this dance means for them   &.   their standing  .    so going forward ,   this post will be a little messy ,   but easier to comprehend as a bullet pointed breakdown   .

coraline targaryen . 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅 ⎯⎯⎯⎯ oh this girl is not even pretending to be okay , it's impossible for her to just pick a side the way everyone else seems to . one of her greatest weaknesses &. strengths is remaining loyal to her blood , her kin , well , this is all family ; messy , dysfunctional , but family all the same . it's all that matters , its how she was raised &. it's not until the events of the usurping begin to unfold , she though it was how everyone else was raised too . it's not black &. white , it's not easy . morally ; she'll be able to understand that viserys crowned rhaenyra as his heir , that was his chosen . . . though where does that lead ? turning her back on the greens , who are just as important to the house of targaryen as the rest ? i do feel like she'll be forced to pick , but she'd honestly rather put her head to the sword than do so . during this time , she's incredibly sensitive , delicate &. unsure of herself ; but you can tell how much she just , loves all of them , with all their flaws &. disagreements ; in the end , all she wants is for the fighting to stop , she's all too aware of how childish this is of her which makes it all the more worse internally ; it's not simple , but for her , it really is just that simple .

vhamithor targaryen  .     𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      the leading man behind coraline's ideals   &.   her stance on how important it is to stay beside family , no matter the cost .  naturally , you would think this would instantly place him on the side of rhaenyra ,  though on the flip side  ;  he's is also an incredibly calculated man that wants      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      gold ,   status ,   power      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      meaning it would take some time for him to figure it out ;  having to dissect every little thing ,  every outcome      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      i believe it would take so long to decide it would make those deep in it uncomfortable      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      HE SEES THE GREEN'S ARGUMENTS , very clearly  ;   in fact ,  i believe he would feel more connected to otto   &.   alicent than anyone else in this conversation  .     but he could not stand beside them  &.  support the usurping of the throne  ,  eventually  ,  the dice would land on TEAM BLACK      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      THOUGH CRITICALLY  .   it would not be mindless supporting ,  he'd be very much in the corner , watching      ⎯⎯⎯⎯      NEEDING to be talked through every little thing that rhaenyra  &.  her side had planned   ;   he'd become another male voice on the council , i believe .

aeresanne barlaeris  .    𝐃𝐔𝐓𝐘 ,  𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ,  𝐒𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄   ⎯⎯⎯⎯     a woman cut from the same cloth as alicent  ,   she would stand beside the greens due to her own belief on tradition  &.  duty   ;    there are somethings that shouldn't change  ,   the sucession of the crown is one of them   ;   all of this happened because viserys didn't wait  ,   didn't hold his ground   &.   refused to listen to advisors ,  being far too quick to jump at the chance to spurn daemon   ;    she'd be able to understand if there was a legitmate reason to make rhaenyra his heir  ,   but there's none    .    i believe that aeresanne looks to aegon as a boy that needs to grow into the crown  ,   seeing any failures at the fault of viserys   &.   preparing the wrong child    .  

valaella velaryon  .    𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐎 𝐈 𝐆𝐎    ⎯⎯⎯⎯   valella may have taken the targaryen name through marriage , but she is made of the sea &. it lives inside her  &.  knows it doesn't take a sailor to see the storm on the horizon .   she loves her husband ,  her sister wife &.  every child under her own care       ⎯⎯⎯⎯      but she will go where house velaryon goes  ;  not for the sake of the targaryens , or the realm , but for herself  &.  for her house to remain as one  ,  i truly believes she sees the end of the targaryens before they do ;    as this war goes on , her loyalty lies with her own blood .  as corlys chooses rhaenyra ,  then that's where valaella will go  &.  will happily provide services when able . 

[uldren-sov]

2, 15, 56 for camy!!!

Ms. Camy Infamous!! tyty!!

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

She's quick to call people friend! Even if they're not close friends she will easily call people she's friendly with "friends." Not that she necessarily considers them friends, in truth, or even trusts them as a friend. But calling them friend costs nothing and if it means that whoever it is she calls friend either: feels better, acts nicer, and/or opens up more? Then she'll take that over being stingy over calling someone friend any day. She essentially taught herself to be more outgoing and charming once she began to step more into a more leadership role in the band. As a result she at least appears more open and makes friends more easily. Eventually that meant being more relaxed and comfortable with calling people friend, even if they're not necessarily her friends.

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

IM GOING TO CONSIDER WORK "PERFORMING" lolol.

At Home: with her parents, she used to just lock herself away in her room and really not even engage with her parents when she was a teenager. If they were even around lol (which they weren't.) It was not a happy home. She was, at best, argumentative, and at worst, antagonistic toward her parents. For the most part, if she wasn't ignoring them or avoiding them, then she was making sure they were aware that she was not happy with them. At School: BACK IN THE DAY... she was LIL MISS WALLFLOWER. She was very shy and reserved, it was rare that she would let anyone close to her/Seven. At that point she really wasn't used to people wanting to get to know her or her trying to share her interests and it literally took a village (mostly Seven but then The Band) for her to start to talk to other people. Even so, her first official girlfriend was during SENIOR YEAR and it was STILL NOT GOOD, since she still was trying to figure out how to juggle having all these extra people in her life, all these new friends/acquaintances who knew her from the band and from clubs, and then now all of these new CLOSE friends. I feel like they probably broke up at prom LOL At Work: she is MS. ENERGY AND CHARISMA. At this stage she's leader, cheer-leader, mini-manager, and hype woman to her band. She loooooooooves the crowd and the crowd invariably loves her. She plays to them a lot and dances/jumps along with the beat to really hype up the crowd as well. There is nothing like the adrenaline of performing and high of being on stage before a crowd of people and receive that kind of adoration. No, it does not mean anything :))) what are you talking about :))). A high energy rockstar, who would have thought? With Friends: She's less "on" but she's still "on" in some ways. The band is her family, no doubt about that, but she's careful not to be 100% with anyone anymore. Seven taught her that, if nothing else, and even family keeps secrets from each other. There's still shades of the more thoughtful, introspective, girl when she's only with her friends, when it would not show at all when she's out with others. But, she's a lot more calm, serious, and snarky with them. Now that she's forced to face Seven again she also faces an old kernel of resentment now as to how the breakup/breakdown was handled by her friends and the fallout of it all. She's also aware now how to prevent herself from sounding bitter. While Alone: She keeps busy, she keeps active, and is definitely cognizant not to fall in a rut once she is away from all the stimulus of her life. All of that energy she normally has is instead channeled inwards and into productivity: what are the next steps, what does she need to do for the band. She does not rest, she does not stop, and does not think about how all of this focus on her band and her music has left her with little else. It's only under very specific circumstances that she feels comfortable enough to let go of everything and focus on herself and her feelings to write music. Being that vulnerable is no longer a safe feeling and her lyrics/writing/music are something she guards viciously. No one touches her notebook or her guitar. She hates feeling that vulnerable anymore but she might just die if she does not allow herself to make music.

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

It's rare for her to be scared anymore! As far as she's concerned, she pulled herself out of a fire and not only survived but thrived; she saved her friends, her band, her future. She has enough confidence now where that will generally carry her past the nerves that would otherwise rattle her friends. She needs to lead by example she's their face and moral support. So even if she was scared, she would not make the mistake of letting it show. Generally, though, she can at least look to Orion to have an even more reasonable approach that translates well to her reason when her confidence falters. His resolve and Devyn's compassion shore up the gaps in her armor when it comes to the band/her work. August has been an unexpected balm to her energy and intensity and her need to be on in front of her friends, so even just chilling silently with them is a bit of a comfort she's nearly forgot about. It's nice to have someone around she gets along with that does not have the baggage of knowing each other for years and who is genuinely invested in her band and her friends. Other than that, she does not want comfort from anyone. She will suffer in silence and alone and away from prying eyes if she can manage it. Any existential dread and fear gets locked away with the vulnerability she writes about, which is why she hates and loves making music. But no one gets to be a part of that anymore, she does not want comfort nor seeks it from her friends. If she ever dares to air out some serious concerns/personal fears, they're already generally solved and she's already mostly over it. They're token shows of trust rather than anything she actively seeks comfort from. :))))) It's an advanced version of her younger isolation but don't tell her that :)))))

[calliecat93]

It's just so painful to watch Ruby like she is right now. We've all been waiting for her breakdown arc, but God I wasn't ready for it. To see her so empty, so solemn, and having so little expression when she's usually so optimistic and expressive. To hear the bitterness in her voice when she says they need to stop acting like they know what they're doing. She's still not letting it out, she's just not bothering to even pretend that she's okay. WBY is so used to her facade of being okay that they don't really seem to notice just how broken she is now, or at least they're only starting to notice. Ruby can't even muster up trying to comfort Weiss. She says reassuring words, but there is absolutely nothing behind them.

We've never seen Ruby like this. Sure we've seen her sad and scared, but this? She's acting like she were under The Apathy, except still forcing herself forward. We see her come close to breaking down when she obtains Penny's sword, but she doesn't and decides to barter it away to get to the birthday party. She's still trying to be the leader, taking charge and pressing ahead to get home. She's trying to move forward, but it seems more like she's on auto-pilot than genuinely trying. She has no hope left. She knows it as we saw with the auction, but she won't let anyone else see it just as she always has.

With Ever After being affected by her emotions, even if the girls haven't connected those dots yet, Ruby won't be able to contain it this time. WBY is starting to notice that something's off and while it may be a bit before they can properly talk to her, she's going to need them if she ever wants to reclaim Crescent Rose and go home. That is if she'll even want to go home, let alone not get 'overrun' as the opening puts it. To see Ruby, the cheerful, wide-eyed girl that we met in Volume 1 who ALWAYS got back up and got everyone around her back up no matter what just so broken... it's so good yet so heartbreaking.

[tadpolesonalgae]

this chapter was so good! i feel like we got to see a little of everyone's thoughts here which im glad because her view of everything really is so limited. there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long

first the azriel pov was good to see how things are going from his side but it does kinda suck that he still mostly cares just because of his job. i hope we actually get some feelings from him soon, even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader

maybe i've been too hard on the ic lol but i stand by that they should try harder. i get elain telling nesta she needs time but this has been going on for years and no matter how much reader likes reading and staying up in her room it's not healthy. i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader so i hope after this shopping trip they start pulling her out of her comfort zone more and more, like it doesn't have to be dinners with everyone but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house even to like a bakery or something for at least an hour isn't that hard to do and it helps a lot. i know i get stuck on this issue a lot but i think ive said before that im kind of similar to reader in a way, ive always had a tendency to isolate myself and i cant really do large groups of people but my family has always pulled me out of it and dragged me to do something and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works. giving her time and space is good but after months and especially years that space is just making her more and more isolated and makes it harder to help. and i think the biggest thing is that its been years since she's been fae but it makes sense that they had their hands full with the war and then nesta was on a way more self destructive path and then nyx so i get it but i wish they helped more. and i get elain not wanting to make her more uncomfortable but she's not really helping to be honest, just because she likes being in her room it doesn't make it good at all and nesta is right. it's been too long for them to still be letting her hide from everything, it's clear she isn't okay.

as much as i loved the chapter it was so frustrating to read. reader really doesn't think she deserves anything good and it sucks. like not even clothes? i know mor saw how bad it was so i hope this makes the ic move more because this isn't a good way to live at all and there are so many red flags with reader at this point. she clearly isolates herself, she thinks she doesn't deserve anything good, she keeps comparing herself to everyone physically, she has no self esteem at all. the moments where she was examining the dress she liked and from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing? i never had much hope for her style but she really dresses like a nun and it also shows that she isn't comfortable with herself at all. also when she thought she was being selfish for buying clothes? im sorry to elain but reader doesn't need more space, she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her and tell her that she doesn't need to do anything to deserve a normal life and normal things, honestly i think it should be nesta or all the sisters because this is has bad as nesta was before acosf, she just hides instead of lashing out. and then she needs someone to start pushing her a bit, she'll have to be uncomfortable before she gets better but she can't keep going like this, she's basically punishing herself for breathing. eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.

the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy but i hope it comes soon and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling, even if it's in the middle of a breakdown because something needs to happen and she's not going to be able to do it without everyone's help. she has such a long way to go and she only seems like she's getting worse so i hope we get to see her starting to heal soon - 🧶

‘there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long’

I love whenever you send these in! It’s so fun to see you dissect the chapter and so heartwarming too 🥹🫂🫂

‘even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader’

I hate to say it, but things are probably going to get worse before they get better 🫣 (maybe 👀)

I will admit, it would be nice to write them having a normal exchange for once? Maybe when reader’s come back from an outing and she’s too frazzled from so much interaction for her nerves to set in 🤭

‘ i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader’

I mean I suppose from their perspective reader and Elain are kind of similar in that they’re both pretty quiet and reserved so it would make sense that perhaps reader would have the same coping mechanisms as her? But yeah, now that it’s been two years and there’d kind of time to relax (👀) and things haven’t changed, Nesta at least is beginning to notice some stuff :/

‘but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house’

Also she does go out with Bas every now and then so they would have taken that into consideration, but at the same time I’ve head-cannoned it that they don’t know the nature of her and Bas’ relationship? Az at least thinks it’s still purely platonic (on reader’s side) so that might be fun for when the penny finally drops 🫣🤭

‘ and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works.’

Gosh I know what you mean 🫠

In the moment it’s stressful and you don’t want to be there, but years later the memories are actually kind of fondly viewed? I think that will probably be the case with reader once she begins to get used to the company?

‘from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing?’

Yup! (Can you imagine how comfy that would be? 🫠) She certainly has some problems with seeing how she looks, and I like to think a lot of that comes from spending so long being forced to let go of her beauty when she was younger? Like she remembers how wonderful and full of colour her childhood was and has kind of glorified and exaggerated that in her mind? Memory has shifted it to be much more rich and beautiful than it probably was, so in the back of her mind she’s comparing how things used to be with her years in poverty, and stuck thinking instead of how lucky things have turned out and accepting them, thinking how she just doesn’t deserve them anymore :/

‘she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her’

There certainly will be a serious conversation at some point 👀🤭

‘eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.’

So this part I’m a little scared to write because once it’s out then everything else will have to happen 😭

The moment Elain talks with her and Eris starts to help (in his own skewered way, of course) then the story is going to have to move forward and I’m genuinely so scared to mess it up

‘the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy’

Yeah… 😬😬😬

‘and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling,’

It’s definitely going to be cathartic when she manages to do something for herself, let’s just hope the ic will be able to prioritise that over the mess with Eris 👀

Thank you so much for sending this in!! It’s always so wonderful to read through your thoughts and reply to them—it honestly makes me smile so wide to see these whenever you send them in 🧡💛🫂

[walkeddeath]

meta • mental profile :: ADHD  a chunk is under the cut because this ended up being 3 pages. it's not even all i wanted to talk about. ask to tag if i don't tag something !!

　　gen was diagnosed early, at about 6 years old, but only due to her father stepping in and refusing to let it go unchecked. they had been struggling in school to a severe degree, getting into fights, having breakdowns over tiny little things that to her made sense to break down over, and couldn't seem to keep friends if she was even able to make them. her mother fought against it, refused to accommodate it, denied it up until her death.

　　gen has known since she was diagnosed that she has adhd. still, never getting proper or remotely adequate assistance or help made it hard for her to accept that the majority of her "bad" behaviors were related. once she was able to do her own research, she pieced things together, but going through life unmedicated and continuous gaslighting attempts left a considerable impact on how she handles it all. 

　　therapy helps, meds help, but she still struggles day to day. emotional regulation, object permanence, and RSD are the primary things that cause the most issue, she has frequent crying episodes that seem to just come out of nowhere, forgets things constantly even if she's just seen it / interacted with it, and has a hard time dealing with others even begin slightly upset with her/ feeling like she's done something to push someone away. if it gets too intense, she withdraws. she flees.

　　she has rage episodes that are heightened by not just trauma but also her powers. a lot of it is tied to control and losing it. also feeling super overwhelmed / too tired. sometimes it's just because she hasn't eaten that day, or one too many things has happened and she can't handle it.  she will lash out if everything gets to that specific and undefined level of too much, and depending on the situation this can be verbal or sometimes physical.

　　90% of the time, physical reactions are directed at herself. she'll throw things / break things, though this is more a thing when she's younger. she does not use this as an excuse for any hurt or upset she might cause another person, but it is an explanation and a reason. they have been working on this in therapy for around 9 years, ever since her mother died and she was able to get help.

　　ALONG WITH THIS - she has a hard time with remembering dates no matter how important they might be. they forget they need to go to the bathroom, need to eat, need to blink at times. it's all very frustrating to them and they have a hard time letting others help them with all of it. she had to do it all on her own growing up, anytime she did let someone close it was just an inevitable that they would give up. it would get to be too much. so somewhere along the way she just... stopped asking for help. it never felt like anyone could hear her no matter how loud she screamed so, she just decided to save her energy, save herself from the hurt of not being listened to. shut off. 

　　they have their coping skills and some are good some bad, as she gets further into therapy there's an increase in the good and a decrease in the bad, but, some are still there. 

　　they have a tendency to get attached to others, they don't like it, and when things go too well or are too good, she bolts. she's working on this, at least to a degree. it isn't just the attachment but also the need for novelty, for something new that constantly pushes her to running and finding something that can fill a little empty part of her, and it hurts them to do it but they don't know how else to handle it. they do not and will never intentionally want to hurt someone that they love. it just happens sometimes, and she has to deal with the fallout, and it hurts. 

　　her overtalking and overexplaining is both due to the adhd and cptsd, but, it's mostly just how she expresses feeling comfortable. if she's able to just talk without filtering the speed or length at which she talks, it means she feels like she's in a safe space to do so. most of her hyperfixations are things that she won't share unless she's close to a person, they're on the odder side of things, but there are some that are really the only thing she wants to talk about the majority of the time.

　　 they will shove into a conversation at incorrect times, so, they do sometimes have a tendency to not talk. if they don't know how to enter a conversation, they'll avoid it, and if they don't there's a high chance she'll start talking over the other person. she doesn't intend to do this and ends up overapologizing for it.

　　she is not afraid to talk about her struggles and her diagnosis, she encourages others to talk about theirs, but does understand if it's not something someone wants to discuss. they do, from time to time, slip into a doom / rumination mode. it's something that she just has to ride out. all she needs is someone to support that she's having a hard time, not try and fix it all immediately.

　　there's a lot more to it all, but, this is some of the more important big things. i'll talk about the smaller things in another post. 

[teriwrites]

Below (Rewrite): Part 7

My Live Reactions to Reading Through My 2012 Novel

"We're in a huge field. Why aren't we running around and enjoying ourselves?" Ben asked, suddenly standing up beside me. I gave him a look, "We're also fugitives and being hunted down by several organizations." (lmaoooo call him out, also yeah that pretty much summarizes what's happening here)

Raevin left the group to go scrounge for new clothes, she gets discovered by Mr. J by waltzing through town as a horse

Damn her horse form can carry four kids between the ages of 9 and 16?? Strong horse

Still very directionless in their wandering. You might wanna come up with a plan one of these days, girly

Aaaaand back to Nicole hearing voices

These little snippets are very like short and atmospheric more than giving real content for her little sideplot

Maybe this is when I decided that she didn't need to go through her whole lil arc in book 1??

Kristen makes a smarmy remark about her hinted-to-be-manipulative-as-shit mother, Raevin's not here for the dead mom jokes (seeing as she, yk, has a dead mom)

Okay at least now I see some basis for a new love triangle between Kristen/Ben/Raevin. Not that I love that, but in the first draft, Ben and Raevin talked, like, twice. Here, they actually seem to mesh well

'She was the first of us to break down, though we all knew that she wouldn't be the last.' right, what do you call that absolute terrified Panic Sobbing you were doing when Max died?? was that you being chill?? Raevin's like the Last person here having a breakdown lol

Bro the Institute has helicopters on the case. Either that or Trinity got her license in the week she's been free

If I stopped writing during Nicole's POV, ngl I'm gonna be a little upset about it

Aww she's just discovered her power for the first time - yk, separating her soul from her body, Dr. Strange-like, astral-projection type shit

New addition to the insult list: "you piece of scum."

Nicole, don't obey voices in your head calling you a piece of scum

He called her 'scum' AGAIN, girl get OUT of there

Okay that was actually a much more interesting take on her discovering this elusive 'power source' this voice is hinting at than in the first draft, where she just talked to herself in her cell

'Raevin still hadn't explained to us what her breakdown had been about.' she literally just told you that Mr. J murdered her parents

Aww Kristen's worried about her crying so much that she'll get dehydrated, so she's offering Raevin her water bottle

(You know what they say about the solution to a love triangle 👀)

Anyways right they're on the run (that's how it feels in the text lol, 'here's a lil scene of Raevin recovering-OH SHIT COPS')

"Didn't I tell you guys that you had to come to me? You're all very naughty little kids, you know that?" the woman asked us, and I felt like she thought we were little kids.' you think so?? what gave it away, her literally calling you little kids?

Ohhhhh it's the same woman who tried hunting Raevin down in Montgomery

Woman tries playing nice, Kristen is her usual Bitchy (affectionate) self, woman gives up the act and pulls a gun

She's second to Remus, who's second to Bob, who's never actually around

Kristen's powers are ~growing~ (woman had some kind of mental block, she broke that shit so easily lol)

So that was pretty anticlimactic lol between Kristen flooding her mind and Ben doing some sick parkour off of the open air (gravity power stuff, remember), woman didn't stand much of a chance

Brooo Raevin stop losing your shit on Nick??? She's starting to get some of that irritable fire that Kristen had in the first draft

Very abrupt stop! I never finished the draft, so we end with Kristen and Ben lowkey passed tf out from stretching their superpowers kind of thin, still in the middle of nowhere, northern Alabama, still on the run, Raevin getting defensive as Nick tries joking with her

And the last line, ofc

"I'll have you know I'm always alone!" - Raevin

In-cred-ible

Ending Thoughts:

Again, I'll have my whole lil wrap-up later, but for this section? Wowowow it's honestly kind of a lot of nothing but talking and running in fields, but I know that, given it was following the general trajectory of the first draft, I was gearing up for some big confrontation with Mr. J, attempting to settle into a city and failing to do so, and then an ultimate showdown in a funhouse. And for being nothing but running and talking, it was still interesting! Provided a lot of context for the characters and how they got to where they are. And now, onwards!

[imogen-rhitt]

It had felt so wrong when her dad died and Theo wasn't there. It honestly felt like they were excluding a member of the family and it was something Imogen wrestled with a lot - laying awake most nights with her phone on her chest, fingers itching to call the other, but she never had. Instead she'd made the entirely rational decision to fly across the world to tell them in person, as if that wasn't a big enough indication of her current state she then proceeded to lie to them about what was going on. She'd made a huge mess, and now laying here in Theo's bed the whole thing was slowly unravelling. And she was glad, she was relieved to a degree. It felt a little easier to breathe with each confession she made to Theo - each lie she retracted, because they just didn't do that to each other, they didn't lie.

The soft chuckle was enough to have Imogen smiling softly again, it was such a welcome sound. It had her reaching out to brush her finger down their nose, a tender move, more intimate than she had done up until now, even with all the hugging, this touch was something different. "I'm sorry I asked her not to call you, I didn't...it wasn't a situation I knew how to handle very well and because of that I just pushed it away. Then when I decided I wanted to tell you in person I told her not to call you again...and then it took me some time to get here to you because of work. TThings I had to go to with Jack, like red carpets and stuff, he had a premier." The movie had been terrible, Imogen had to watch it three times because of the press tour being a way to show off his flashy new engagement and she hated every second of it. They wouldn't even let her wear her own designs, she'd had to be trussed up like a chicken in something his stylist gave her - thanks to him being contracted with Prada. The whole thing had been impossibly soulless. All the while she'd been trying not to have a breakdown over her dad's sudden death. It had only been a few weeks delay before she could get out here to Theo but it had felt like a lifetime.

Of course Sarah had asked Theo to keep an eye on Imogen, because that had always been their dynamic and her mother trusted them entirely. And Sarah Rhitt didn't trust easily, but once you had it, she would trust you for a lifetime as long as you didn't betray that trust. "I'm sorry she put that task on you, I'm thirty years old, I shouldn't need someone to look after me. I guess some things never change." But then they confirmed what she'd already known, her mum didn't want the wedding to go ahead, and it caused her to give a rueful smile. "Subtlety of a bulldozer that woman." A soft roll of her eyes as she sighed, making a mental note to call her in the morning to reassure her that she was in fact correct, again. That the wedding wouldn't be going "Well she'll be pleased to hear that it's off - and that I spent tonight here with you. Not spent the night with...but came to you...when I needed....yeah..." She trailed off, pressing her lips together to force herself into silence because otherwise she was just going to keep talking. Not that it would be the first time this evening. "Thank you for being here. I don't think I will ever have enough words to express how grateful I am for the way you've...treated me over this. It's more than I deserve. And I hope you know that I'm here for you too." And Imogen meant it with her entire heart, reaching over to lace her fingers together with Theo's carefully. Eyes trained on the motion. @theoxkent

She didn’t say anything when they let out a sob, just reaching out to put her hand in their hair when she finally let Theo’s shirt go. No doubt it would be wrinkled as hell now thanks to the grip she’d had on it but luckily it was on the back of their shirt so no one would be able to see. Plus they were sleeping in it not going to a ball. Plus that wasn’t the most important thing right now. “I’m so sorry…” she whispered, wishing she had done that as well but knowing that there was no way to go back in time. Instead she just sniffed, trying to gather herself a little before she dissolved into more sobbing - all she seemed to do while she was with Theo was sob and they didn’t deserve that either. 

Her eyes flickered shut as they told her they never hated her for what she’d done to them because hearing it made her feel dizzy with relief, she didn’t realise she’d been all but holding her breath over that for five years leaving in fear that they hated her. Even after she got here she’d been trying to tell herself that they were just appeasing her until she left, just trying to keep the peace, but right now when it seemed like they were both being the most honest version of themselves, at least Imogen was, she believed it wholeheartedly. “I wouldn’t have blamed you, but I’m so fucking relieved to hear that.” Her hand moved from where it was in their hair to stroke Theo’s cheek, thumb moving back and forth against it like it had a million times before. Such a familiar movement, small, but she’d missed it. “I love you too, I love you too.” She pulled them against her once more in a tight hug, trying to pour all the emotion into it that she’d not been able to put into words thus far, pressing a kiss to their shoulder softly. When she pulled away she took a deep breath, shaking her head. “i’m not going to marry him you know, like…I don’t know if that was obvious but…I’m not going to. I don’t even want to put that ring back on, that’s got to be a sign. The other one being that when Dad passed the only person I wanted to see was you. I didn’t even call him - I texted him to tell him. It’s all so fucked up when I look at it from a distance. I just didn’t want to talk to him about something that mattered to me as much as my dad, that he would get to be in on that, meaning he’d always be locked as part of that memory. I wanted to lie on the sofa with you and watch Bee movie while we drank a stupidly large amount of tea and cried together.” The idea of walking down the aisle towards that prick was making her feel queasy even as she lay there next to Theo, safe and a long way away from her fiancee. “I think my mum already knows that…she’s a perceptive woman is Sarah Rhitt.” A soft laugh coming from her lips, through the tears that still seemed to be welling up in her eyes every couple of seconds. “When you called her…what did you guys talk about?” Blinking at them in the gloom, hand reaching out to find theirs so she could hold onto it tightly. @theoxkent