#she mustve hated me.

[irissuite]

the relationship i have with my parents made me a lot kinder i think.

[tamajam]

xina and miguels relationship is sooo good actually. in like a raw, deep, emotional sense. in what they do for each other. specifically what she would've done for him. xina is everything miguel needs in a partner–she holds him accountable, she challenges him to be better than he is. and that makes him uncomfortable. and that should be a GOOD thing, like it should be what he needs to grow and be a better person and not fall into that trap of being stuck under tyler stones thumb at alchemax, but breaking out and being that person for her is hard and it's scary and miguel just wants to live a life where he can stay the smartest guy in the room and live comfortably without having to face that reality. he doesn't wanna throw himself into the unknown of self-discovery, he'd rather just wallow in what he has and pretend he doesn't hate himself. AND ITS LIKE... the things being spiderman does to his character over time, that like, desire to finally grow up and become someone worthy of the good things in his life, whether it's gabriel or xina or whatever else, SHE WOULD'VE DONE FOR HIM had they stayed together. like. aughgh. she was so good for him, and that scared him because since when does miguel o'hara deserve something that perfect, so he had to bring about the self-fulfilling prophecy of his own inability to be worthy of being loved and cheating plotline ensues. ugh his psychology in this relationship makes me insane.

[hauntedjohnny]

i think sissy has penis envy sooo bad

[llegato]

STOP OH MY GOD.

[phagodyke]

first day back at work after a 4 day weekend is fucking ROUGH I don't remember it being this long.....

[thatisnotamistakewellbemaking]

.

TW: tags contain vague talk of childhood sexual assault and child on child sexual assault. Please don’t expand the tags if this could upset you

[eternalera]

okay but why is no one talking about how shocked jinx looked when isha ran down to try and save her from vi? like everyones talking about caitlyn and vi and that situation which is completely understandable and stuff but did you see the look on jinx's face? of course it was shock from her plan not working but...

it was shock from her plan not working. she wanted to die there and she planned to die there. she took isha with her too expecting them to sit by and do nothing about it.

but that didnt happen, she ran over and tried to help and well in the end save jinx from being killed by vi or caitlyn. do imagine how that mustve felt for jinx?

you killed your only father figure, your sister fucking hates your guts, and you feel like no one gives a shit about you and youre fine with that. youre going to die because you want to and no one is going to stop you. except someone does.

do you know how shocking that would be? her plan failed because isha didnt want her to die and that will forever mean to much to me.

[gamblersdoll]

Can you do a mean sukuna that gets mad at y/n because she starts flirting with a random guy ??

it was all because of him, really.

had he actually been decent, gave you small amounts of attention, wasnt always eyeing other women when it came to doing small tasks for the house. it was finally his fault, him having to watch you jokingly flirt with another man— a random guy who just happened to be there.

yet, sukuna— a demon, throws his tantrum and plays the silent treatment. he fucking hated you right now, because how dare you flirt with a man who isnt him?

hes literally a demon, and that guy is a fucking mortal who couldnt possibly have you head over heels. he cant stand to look at you, because the fuck did you mean ‘his large ass print was showing?’

sukuna had a bigger dick, be so for real.

“so you finally understand what i have to deal with or are you still going to flirt with other women?” you scoff, arms folded and tapping your foot. “shit is ridiculous.”

“its different, you damned woman.” he growled, looking to you. “youre fucking going around to random men and then telling them that they have a big cock.” oh, that mustve struck a nerve since you hadnt seen how massive he was. hes got you cornered, hovering and glooming over you. it wasnt your fault, had the damn demon knew how to act and got some sense, he wouldnt have to reap what he sewed.

“and you dont find random women and say they have good hips for breeding? and multiple women? when i only spoke to one man?”

“it’s different, thats just a normal compliment.” he starts to snarl, fangs on display and his face scrunched up. hes got you by your collar, eyes bearing into yours.

“yeah, maybe back in the golden days, but we in the mustard yellow and that ‘compliment’ has expired.” you snarl back, spitting in his face.

he would put you in his place but… you spat in his face? it takes him a second to process that, has a woman ever spat in his face before? what exactly do you do? he blinks at you twice.. and he can tell you have half the mind but you stand firm..

not until he has your face and stomach planted into the mattress, body bouncing up when he fucks into you from behind and has his hands digging and holding him up by your back. he hated having to remind you he was a supernatural being, a creature from many centuries ago who still is from b.c.

“cant spit on me now, can you, brat?” he asks, his hand holding your head into the bed and he spit on you. “some shit when you got me pissed and … fuck.” he groans, feeling your walls clench down on him. “fuckin’ did this probably because you wanted attention, huh?” he asks, a harsh slap to your ass. “answer when im addressing you.”

you try to nod, eyes peaking from the bed to watch the both of you in the mirror.. but he makes eye contact when you see it. “oh, you wanna watch? thats fine.”

he scoops you up, pressing your back to his chest—and your knees to your chest. you can see it, how he splits you open on his cock and how deep it sinks in. “watch me as i claim you, shouldve been did this!” he growls guttural, your body moving up and down on his shaft.

he was using you, something you needed so bad from your supernatural demonic boyfriend.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for calling a (now ex-) mutual a stingy asshole?

So to start, I (NB20) am in a pretty rough situation, I'm facing homelessness soon, transphobia at home and work and my hours have been getting cut resulting in me making even less money that can sustain me. I have a toyhou.se forum post up stating I have emergency commissions open to help me out and to please support me if you can. This is where the situation begins. I have a mutual on toyhou.se who I'll call Apple (MTF22) I talk to sometimes to the point I'd say we are friends, not super close but friends nonetheless. She made a bulletin telling people about my commissions and to please comm me if they could which I'm very grateful for since I did get a few customers from her because of that. The thing is, a few weeks later, she made a bulletin talking about how happy she was so many commissions she bought were finished around the same time and posted all of them with the artists tagged in the post. It was honestly... quite a few, I'm talking like 9 pieces of art of her fursona and even a custom vtuber model she got of her sona. I was going to reply all happy for her, but it made me think... how much did she spend on those commissions?? So I went through all the artists socials to find their commission prices and came to a total of fucking $385!!! More than half of my current goal I'm trying to make through commissions to stay out of homelessness!! So I messaged Apple saying since I saw she bought a few commissions if she was interested in buying a comm from me. She replies saying "Ohh! I'd love to <333 but im just not in a place to buy any more comms right now :< sorry >.<!!" So I casually reply really? because it seems like your in the perfect place to help me out after already spending over $300 in commissions. She tells me she's sorry and really wishes someone would be able to help me out but she just wasn't that interested in my art or a custom to which I tell her she could've easily donated to my ko-fi which I have always had since she clearly has money to spend? To this, she straight up IP blocks me. So still fucking annoyed, I vented in a discord server I share with a few friends from being in a few shared CS together, saying how annoying it is rich assholes like her would drop half a thousand for a picture of their fursona but don't even blink twice at their so called friends. anyway, one of my friends takes a look at Apples th profile and notices she has a new bulletin up and sends me a screenshot, but anways the bulletin reads like "hey!! just saying, but please dont come into my dms acting like you know my financial situation better than i do, just because i buy a lot of commissions doesnt mean im made of money! and please dont think that me commisioning artist 1 means i hate artist 2? thats so weird, thanks!!!!!" and seeing all their subscribers just kissing her ass pissed me off so i made my own bulletin that just stated "i thought it was pretty fucking weird to know how bad ur friend's situation was and to go buy a bunch of comms instead of buying a comm from or even throwing a buck to help me out? like yeah im gonna think i know ur situation better than u, you stingy fuck!!!" Anyway, she mustve been block evading (which I reported her for) since she unblocked me, took a screenshot of my bulletin, then went on about how she lived in an abusive household; her dad had thrown her into a sink and chipped her tooth, bruised half her face and scarred it pretty badly. She bought a bunch of commissions immediately afterwards in a panic to make herself feel better, paying everything with her savings. Which to me.. isn't an excuse. Ive been hit and abused and still found scraps of money to pull together to give to mutuals who need it and Ive been bumping my own post like crazy and she had literal weeks to donate or comm me. Not to mention Ive had exmutuals of hers come to me saying that shes never donated anything to them either despite advertising their posts but always had money for plushies, comms and other crap, meaning Im not alone in thinking shes a stingy asshole. This is getting long, so here, tumblr AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[pixiecaps]

I fully thought Sunnys admin had left the server? Because none of the other admins who stayed have said anything regarding the whole qadmin situation as far as Im aware so the whole way Sunny's admins been vocal about everything read as "oh she's openly talking about this like all the other admins who left so she mustve left too and I just missed the announcement" and I feel crazy now

to my own knowledge no ryan has never announced she left the project shes just been openly vocal about where she stands with everything. she seems to still be very much sunnys admin or at least what she last was aware of. the only egg admins that have confirmed they have left the project is ramon, pomme, and dapper. (ramons admin still being willing to come back.) the others we know nothing about likely because they’d rather keep their identities secret and remain in the project. we know from philza when he mentioned it a bit ago that chay and tallulah were doing fine just waiting. its also important to note that their silence doesnt equal that they think everything going on is justified or correct. which ive seen many people jump to that conclusion. but when you actually look at the situation at hand.. it could very well be for their safety. look at sunnys admin she spoke about how she didnt even know what this lore stream was about and hasnt been told anything and immediately was flooded with hate and harassment that led to her going private on twitter. it would not surprise me if the other admins choose to remain silent to avoid that shit and for many more reasons. ive said this once and i’ll say it again anonymity is a privilege especially for these admins that are so heavily in the public eye.

[pebiejeebies]

Spoilers below!! Watch iii18 <33

DID ANYONE NOTICE ALL THE KINDNESS THAT WAS TOWARDS CABBY?? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DID?!

*sry for these two agh—*

SORRY I HAD TO— LOOK AT THEM 😭😭‼️‼️

BACK TO THE RAMBLES

YOU GO BOT!! BEAT HIS ASS!!

LOOAAADDSS OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS I DIDNT EXPECT GETTING AFTER THIS EPISODE

Ramble below if you’re interested <3

OKAY SO WHAT-

THE AMMOUNT OF RECOGNITION, FORGIVENESS, AND LITERAL CONFUSION WITH CABBY’S GOOD AND BAD THINGS IN THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME

EVEN PAINTBRUSH, FAN, AND TESTTUBE, WHO WERE THE BIGGEST ENEMIES, WERE SLIGHTLY ON HER SIDE! AND EVEN SUPPORTED HER CHANGE!!

LIKE— AND WHEN BOT MENTIONED HOW HARD IT MUSTVE BEEN FOR CABBY TO REJOIN AFTER BEING ELIMINATED BY LITERALLY EVERYONE (MAINLY TESTTUBE) IS ACTUALLY TRUE

YOU REJOIN TO PEOPLE WHO DONT WANT TO SEE YOU TALK OR EVEN BREATHE AFTER WHAT YOU DID, THEN YOU START AN ALLIANCE TO KEEP YOURSELF IN THE GAME WITH SO MUCH HATE AIMED TOWARDS YOU WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL GET ELIMINATED TOO—

THEN SHE SLOWLY AND STEADILY STARTS TO WALK ON THE RIGHT PATH!! SHE NOTICED HER WRONGS, AND STARTED WITH YINYANG, SHE MADE A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP! AND THEN BOT! TWO HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS THAT SHE DIDNT EXPECT TO EVEN FIGHT FOR HER SAKE

THE SHOCK IN HER FACE WHEN YINYANG, CLOVER, AND BOT WERE CONFUSED ABOUT HER BAD SIDE WAS LITERALLY HEART WARMINGGGG IM GONNA EXPLODE

WORST PART? SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW THAT ANYONE IS PROTECTING HER IN THAT JAIL!! SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MADE TOO MUCH OF A WRONG AND DOESNT THINK ANYONE WOULD FIGHT FOR HER!! (Other than balloon,, yikes man,, only two votes 😭)

Okay but let’s be fr, we all collectively got angry from Nickel in this scene right?? RIGHT????

LUCKYYYYYYY??? LUUUUUUUCCCCKKKYYYYYY???? ME OH MY. ME AND CABBY HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON, AND THATS NEVER LUCK! EVEN IF HE DOESNT KNOW THAT SHE STRUGGLED, THAT DOESNT GIVE HIM ANY RIGHT TO DESTROY SOMEONE ELSES STRUGGLES BY COMPARING THEM TO OTHERS!! YES I GET IT, HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS

BUT THIS IS JUST.. PATHETIC 😭

HE’S TRYING TO MAKE BALLOON WIN WHEN IN REALITY, NOBODY AGREES, AND HIM FIGHTING FOR BALLOON ENDS UP BY HIM SAYING ACTUAL BULLSHIT AFTERWARDS

YEAH WE GET IT, YOU LOVE BALLOON AND ADMIRE HIS CHANGE, BUT NICKEL, ONLY YOU NOTICED. HES ANGRY THAT NOBODY CARES WHEN THEY ALL HAVE A POINT!!

THEY ONLY SAW THE BAD SIDES OF BALLOON, AND NOT TO MENTION, BALLOON AND NICKEL!! THESE TWO TORE UP POOR BOT AND DIDNT EVEN SAY MUCH TO THEM!

I admire your care for them Nickel, but actually fucking wake up. Like please, get over your blindness and realize that literally NOBODY saw his arc and how he changed

WOOH. That was a slight vent there lmao.. guess who hates nickel guys…

BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THE OVERALL FUSS WITH CABBY IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME! LOOK AT HER, SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW THAT BOT AND YINYANG ARE FIGHTING THEIR SOULS OUT TO MAKE HER WIN 😭😭‼️

*ahem look at balloon here aweee <3*

AND LIKE.. THAT SAYS SO MUCH ABOUT HER GUYS, SHE’S HURT, AND SHE KNOWS SHE HURT OTHERS, AND SHE FULLY EXPECTS EVERYONE TO VOTE BALLON OR SILVER OVER HER, NOT KNOWING THE TWO PEOPLE SHE HELPED ARE ACTUALLY HELPING HER BACK AND HELPING OTHERS REALIZE THE VERY SHINY OBVIOUS CHOICE FOR THE WINNER!!

THINK ABOUT IT, BALLOON? HE DID GREAT, BUT HE TOOK, JUST A LITTLE TOO LONG TO CHANGE, AND HIS CHANGE WASNT NOTICED BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERYONE WAS ELIMINATED, AND/OR WAS HIDDEN BEHIND THE FIGHTS THAT NICKEL AND BALLOON HAD! NOBODY SEES ANYTHING IN HIM BECAUSE OF THIS, AND PROBABLY NOBODY WILL VOTE HIM OTHER THAN NICKEL AND GOO (Which I think personally, goo is only voting balloon because of his poetry, which.. really says something about balloon don’t you think?)

Now SILVERSPOON?? DO I EVEN NEED TO TALK?! HIS FAT FUCKING EGO LITERALLY TORE UP FRIENDSHIPS, MANIPULATED, HURT, AND PROBABLY FUCKING KILLED HIS WIFE

DO I NEED TO CONTINUE ON HIM? NO, IM SURE EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IM SAYING. RIGHT..??

Maybe I love seeing myself (a cabby kin) get recognition after all the struggles she goes through, but let’s be fr, Balloon? Not really, SILVERSPOON?? HELL FUCKING NO.

That’s why BOT and YINYANG WERE FRUSTRATED!!!! They’re all blind to his fucking ‘Inner flame’ or whatever, which then led his wife, and probably Mephone into so much more fucking trouble. And that infuriates the two that literally lasted so long and saw her grow from each challenge!

They’re frustrated because the obvious option is being pushed away by silver-spoon, again, with the manipulation and the tricks! AGAIN!! to try and win something that you don’t deserve (which is nothing, so like yeowch) is kinda frustrating

As much as I want cabby to win, what will she win? After all this struggle she went through, watching everyone villainize her, as she thought she was genuinely caring to help her team, and to barely survive the votes with yinyang, which then got eliminated, she then struggled to fix her friendship with bot, who both shared an equal struggle with testtube

The actual fact that bot is literally fighting their mom is wild, EVEN FAN EXPECTED THEM TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER!!

But after all of this, she really didn’t win anything

if we remove her boyfriend, (yinyang) and bff forever and ever (Bot) she sorta doesn’t win much, which really sucks

But hey, even balloon has someone to talk to, imagine being silverspoon

Even if he wins, he will LITERALLY win nothing, and good golly gosh Test tube and Paintbrush I’d like to hear why the hecking heck you’d vote for him?? Seriously? All that flattery worked THAT well?!

They do know that he’s manipulating them.. RIGHHTTT??? MAYBE IM JUST VERY FRUSTRATED THAT NOT EVERYONE WANST THE OBVIOUS WINNER TO WIN BUT HEY IM NOT WRONG!!!

I’ll gladly fight with yinyang and bot for cabby‼️‼️‼️

Alright thanks for listening to my Ted talk. Farewell, and do tell me on what you think if you have something to share :D

[kyokikia]

Im curious, do people even write for uta? Do people like uta at all?? If you cant tell, she's my favorite female character! I dont see anyone talking about her 😭😭

i might write for her if someone requests it (when requests are back open) but she might be the only one piece female i would ever write for so, sorry for that

Has anyone else on here watched film red? I wanna talk about it with someone because its one of my favorite movies, currently listening to new genesis as i speak (ado's singing was HEAVENLY in the movie)

Ado's singing is so heavenly, and she honestly captured the supposed greatness of uta's voice PERFECTLY. I watched the movie in sub so i couldnt hear amalee dubbing uts, but honestly, i listened to amalee's covers of the songs, and i think the dub watchers were robbed from hearing amalee's covers. She covered all the songs PERFECTLY! She did the spell part of tot musica perfectly aswell and i adore Amalee's and Ado's works so much!

SPOILERS UNDER KEEP READING FOR ONE PIECE: FILM RED

I think she's a little crazy but i love her a lot, what she did in the movie is honestly justifiable. I love her design so much, i wanna cosplay her but i got my bills to pay 😭 i'll do it once i get extra money tho, anyway, i feel so bad for her because for years she thought that shanks had abandoned her but turns out she was manipulated into singing tot musica by the people of Elegia 😭 i feel so bad knowing on how much she probably blamed herself for what happened but it wasnt her fault at all

Shanks is so selfless i swear, the way he just chose to take the blame instead so uta wouldn't blame herself and so she could make other people happy with her voice aswell 😭♥️

Watching uta descend into madness, as her mental health and physical state reach its absolute lowest was so heartbreaking (but the movie was so cool to watch!)

As you probably know, the wakeshrooms cause the person who eats them to stay awake until they die, and makes them more aggravated and brings out their negative emotions more, so i can see why she became more deranged as the movie went on. i feel so bad for her she deserves better 😭 i see why she was driven into madness after meeting shanks after all those years

Being kept on that island for so many years mustve been so depressing, so she was in a bad mental state most of her life. Kept alone, isolated with the entire world other than Gordon, not knowing anything going on in the world is so sad

I can see why she hates pirates so much, seeing as she cares so much about her fans (that she would trap them in the sing sing world just so they wouldnt have to deal with pirates anymore and for a 'new era' which she had good intentions with, but honestly it wasnt that great of an idea) she had the idea that all pirates were bad, and seeing all her fans sending her video mail about it probably amplified her hatred.

I took notice on how by the time uta had to sing tot musica, she was in her absolute worst mental and physical state, some of the words were linked together some words were messed up, i think ado captured on how much of a terrible state uta was in by the time she was forced to sing the song perfectly, i adore ado's singing in film red so much

I might've misunderstood uta honestly, i might've done her wrong in this post, i also realize this entire post is a rant but oh well i honestly just wanted to talk about her, anyone wanna tell me their thoughts on film red?

[kiwibongos]

im thinking so loudly about ibuki and fuyuhikos friendship. i think i will explode

i dont see it ever really talked about honestly, they had so much potential together as a duo. even after everything fuyuhiko had done, he genuinely showed remorse for everything (by the whole slitting his abdomen open especially) and ibuki knew that, she understood it, so she went as far as to throw him a whole party for his recovery because she cares, she believes he can be a better person bc she is STUPIDLY optimistic about everything. fuyu must've thought he didnt deserve all that kindness

iirc, i even think at some point in dialogue, ibuki says to hajime she was gonna go find fuyuhiko to bug him, and GOD i love the thought of that. fuyuhiko just going off alone often thinking about shit (you know, The Horrors) cause its not like he had anyone— but then ibuki finds him and follows him around because she doesn't want him to be alone.

i think theyd slowly become really good friends just unfortunately off screen. i think ibuki would personally and deeply understand his kind of feeling of loneliness and not really fitting in/being normal, though it may be in different ways, ibuki must've had a tough life as well, so she would cheer him up about it. theyre both a little fucked up and silly, its what ties their bond

and dude you cannot tell me fuyuhiko didn't try to help the others while they were sick during ch3, but most notably ibuki in this case. she had done so much for him with the party, he wanted to return the favor, he wanted to keep her safe especially with how she was wandering out her room

but his efforts failed in the end. when she died, that mustve fucked him up so badly. like. for a while

he'd lost peko and natsumi, everyone hated him, but he didn't let it stop him from trying to be better. but now, he lost ibuki, just when they were getting close (AND hiyoko, who he was trying to make up with, AND mikan which hurt him too bc i think he cared deeply for her too and tried to help her overall during the disease ordeal to give back as well, but thats a whole other post), its like everyone was being taken away from him right at his feet. i feel like he'd just try to avoid people permanently from that point on. (which didnt work obvi bc akane and hajime flicked his forehead and said Hey Bitch I Love You) but anyway. god. it was too early for those three to go dammit

god i want more of ibuki and fuyuhiko i eat it up sm. their friendship is everything to me. i think ibuki would stick around with him in the restaurant at breakfast, and they'd run around the islands (fuyu would be as slow as a snail bc he's still healing lol), fuyuhiko would put up ibukis hair for her, and theyd perhaps even spend some time in the music venue just jammin to the same rock music.. god. just let them be together

[jaemified]

I COULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

“maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were. or maybe you just never tried to understand me.”

☆ pairing ; toxic bf lee chan x fem reader

☆ genre ; hurt, ANGST, no comfort, toxic relationship, y/n vents but she has no one, slightly suggestive content

☆ warnings ; swearing, drinking, implied substance abuse, mentions of cheating and sex, y/ns insecure af (and only cz he made her that way), chans a gaslight and manipulator but also very possessive !!

☆ wordcount ; 0.9k

☆ synopsis ; youve been struggling with a toxic relationship for years now, but you had no one to tell that to, or anyone thatd believe you at least. so while your boyfriend slips out for the night to god knows where, you use this time to write down and express everything youve bottled up all this time.

☆ kona speaks ! - i think its funny how i always start with swearing in cw when its not anywhere near the worst thing in the story LMAOAOAOA anyway sorry i havent uploaded in FOREVER.. college is so hard (+i love my new format! all my drafts from the past 2 months are written like this:))

!disclaimer!, this is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way related to chan and his personality! purely for entertainment purposes only, and for me to express some thoughts :)

READ BELOW THE CUT

OCTOBER 31, 2023

you had left me on my own yet again. its not like i had any true friends left to be with anyway, after you scared them all off, that is.

who knows where you couldve gone.

no, the real you.

my sweet, sweet channie i fell in love with all those years ago.

where could you have gone?

maybe i wasnt good enough, maybe i wasnt pretty enough.

or maybe you werent understanding enough.

i always thought it was me, but maybe it was you all this time.

i like to think back at when we were last happy, god. that mustve been ages ago, just about.

it was.. my 16th birthday?

-my 16th birthday-

it was.. the day we had to put my dog down. my puppy since i was young. i remember it all clearly now.

i was..

-i was..-

we, we were 17.

mmm, my dog was probably my best friend. the realest one in a while.

i remember how you were there for me, even took me to my favorite donut shop to distract me while you tried so hard to make me laugh.

it worked.

i wish you were still you when we were young.

my sweet channie.

where could you have gone?

i could care less about your whereabouts.

i could care less about how you told me i was lying and that you knew i loved you whenever i tried expressing how i felt about us now.

but maybe i just want to be loved again.

maybe i just want to feel something again.

and i know it cant be with you.

i remember the last time you brought me out we were at mingyus halloween party last year.

nobody could find you, so i went to look for you myself.

i noticed your location was still shared with me, and not any of your friends.

so i tracked you to our car.

-our-

i tracked you to your car.

(since nothing that was yours was mine anyway)

and there you were.

fucking some random girl in the backseat.

that was the last day i saw any of my friends.

you never let me out again.

“you cant go, youll just be in my way.” you said before you left for soonyoungs christmas party.

“you cant go, i cant bare to see you hurt again.” you told me before i was about to leave to my own birthday party planned by my friends.

“you cant go, youll just play victim in front of all my friends and cry about how i fucked another girl.” you told me before you left a few hours ago.

i never know with you. but, i know deep down you care.

somewhere.

its always how y/n cant go here, y/n cant do this. or, shes too busy, we have something planned, shes not home.

even in the way you always spoke over me i knew you were just trying to speak for me.

but what about you?

why cant i have a say in anything you do? why do i get everything taken from me? why did you scare off all my friends and even make your friends hate me too?

you always came home high or on something whenever a different girl each time, dropped you off after you came back from a different party.

i never missed the way theyd look at me.

as if you said something about me.

because you know i never forget the look on someones face

it wasnt till later when i found out from wonwoo that everything you did to me, you told those girls thats what i did to you.

i learned to be quiet though.

i learned to sit there and smile, and just take it.

there was nothing i could do though, theres nothing that couldve changed your actions.

i mean, i cant control you.

so why can you control me?

the channie i knew from when we were 20 wouldve consoled me and been there for me.

the channie i knew from when we were 15 wouldve just laughed about how mr seo accidentally buzzed his head in the boys locker room.

the channie i knew from when we first met in grade school wouldnt even have thought about doing half the things you do now.

so where did we go wrong?

i still think about that.

was it, when we hit puberty?

was it, when we moved out?

was it, when we graduated?

our first date?

the day i found out you cheated?

y/n scoffed as she looked at the giant brown teddy bear in the corner of the room that chan had won for her on their first date.

she let out an annoyed sigh, thinking back, looking back at whatever point in time that couldve even reflected a glimpse of this change in him.

it was too subtle, but too sudden, for her to even remember.

she took a sip of her ginger ale before picking up her pen and scribbling some more in her diary that only she had the key to.

who knows what he’d do if he saw all the things she said about him.

you really werent much help.

nevertheless, i still love you.

i really fucking love you.

i know you do too.

i know a part of you inside still cares for me.

i could even cry thinking about it.

yeah, i realize i dont get out much.

but you never hurt me.

physically, at least.

the emotional damage is beyond repair though.

but i know theres still a bit of the you from our youth left.

i see it in the way you look at me.

no matter how mad,

how upset,

how happy,

how sad you were,

whether you were high,

whether you were drunk,

even when we were younger too.

you always looked at me the same.

that softened gaze and warm eyes.

the eyes never change. the eyes dont lie.

i mean, you could deny it (which id only laugh if you tried), but your eyes tell.

maybe thats why im still holding on.

maybe im just waiting for the boy i first fell in love with to randomly come back.

the chances are slim.

but i still hope.

im holding on.

by a thread, at least.

not like you’d let me leave anyway.

i could say how theres still love left within us

probably, somewhere

but when was the last time we were genuinely happy?

what do you get out of this?

because it isnt happiness. it cant be. you wouldnt be here if you were.

we’re both miserable. i see it and feel it.

it’s like, im just here for you.

i can understand the pressure though.

everyone would ask “how did you make it through college?” “how did you make it through high school?”

they dont understand though. you kinda made me

-you kinda made me-

they dont understand though.

i mean,

maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were

or maybe you just never tried to understand me.

i could tell you all of these things.

but i couldnt.

because i could never ‘lie’ to you.

[phagodyke]

nvm i think she isnt in she just left the dry cycle on the washing machine that's all

ughhhhh why is my flatmate home its not even 5. can she hurry up w her going out already

[seriousbrat]

Hear me out on this theory and lemme know what you think!😏😏😏 Ik you love Snape this is no hate love your blog😘 but what if Snape was the one who started bullying the Marauders and that’s how they found out about the spell (Levicorpus) bc aint Lupin say it was a very popular one used amongst students🤨🤨🤨 someone mustve started it 😏 (also a bit weird how its only bullying when its done to Snape eeh)

Hello! Thank you for the message and the love! I don't really agree but I don't mind answering and talking about it!

The thing is that we see how the bullying originated in Prince's Tale, and it wasn't Snape lol. I've said this a lot but we have to think about why the author chose to show what she did, and everything points to the fact that the Marauders victimised Snape at school. If it was supposed to be that Snape started it all/secretly deserved everything, that's what we would have been shown.

Regarding Levicorpus (and Sectumsempra) there's a high likelihood that Snape invented those spells out of a need for self-defence, at least partially. Sectumsempra being "for enemies" and the fact that he uses it on James in SWM is evidence of this. For me this doesn't necessarily mean that he never used those spells maliciously or unprovoked, but the thing is that even if he did it doesn't change the fact that he was bullied, or that what the Marauders did was wrong.

Obviously the Marauders didn't know that Snape invented Levicorpus, so it does seem like it spread independently. Perhaps Snape told Mulciber and Avery about it, perhaps he used it on someone unrelated to the Marauders and someone saw him and it spread from there, who knows. It's not really relevant though imo. Victims of bullying can do shitty things or even be bullies themselves, it's not a black and white situation.

I don't think anyone has claimed that it's only bullying if it's Snape. For instance I think it can be reasonably argued that Snape trying to expose Remus and get him kicked out for being a werewolf is a form of bullying. Later in life he definitely bullied his students. Bullying is just much more complex than "this is the bully and this is the good guy." I get that it's comforting to believe your favourite characters never did anything wrong or that they were justified, but the thing is that it's unnecessary. These aren't real people that you choose to support, they're fictional characters and it's fine to like them even though they did bad things! Realising this will ultimately be more comforting because you won't be fighting a losing battle against your own sense of morality haha. Objectively James and Sirius did bad things, it's just how it is, and they're still good characters.