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wardencommanderrodimiss · 5 years

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Witches, Chapter 20: in which I allow Phoenix to channel my frustration at how long this case took to end, make up more backstory for a character who’s dead when we meet them in an extra DLC case, and the orca case still will continue for one more chapter after this.

[Seelie of Kurain Chapter Masterlist] [ao3]

[Witches Chapter Masterlist] [ao3]

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Blackquill is out for blood today.

Not that he wasn’t yesterday, or in April - not that this isn’t just his default state. But Phoenix simply tries to tell the judge that the defense is ready and gets attacked by the damn hawk. “Ready,” Blackquill drawls, and now Phoenix is no longer ready, and that’s how the trial starts, with some loose feathery fluff fallen on his scattered notes laid out on the bench, and talons perilously close to his eyes.

If this is a test of Phoenix, Edgeworth seeing what he’ll put up with, the answer is “a lot”, and he’d really be glad if Edgeworth would go ahead and ban the bird.

Dr Crab is the first witness up on the stand, and though he wasn’t the intended witness for today, Blackquill gives no hint of that. But while it might not be what the prosecution wants, a chance to cross-examine Crab, on the record, all eyes of the court watching, to dig the truth out of him, is exactly what Phoenix wants.

(Rimes is still an open question, why he’s holding back on testifying. He made clear yesterday that he wants to help Sasha, wishes they would’ve protected her better, and doesn’t trust Orla. Does he know something that he knows would further implicate Sasha and that’s what he’s refusing to say? Does he still actually believe somehow that Orla did it but he doesn’t want to be the man to damn the orca with his testimony, knowing how distraught Sasha would be? Does he know who actually did it? Did he actually do it but is he a murderer who has a conscience and still doesn’t want his friend to take the fall?)

No time to speculate on Rimes. His current suspect is the man on the witness stand, and maybe Dr Crab didn’t kill Jack Shipley, but he did try to kill Orla, didn’t he?

What do they know? Phoenix can prove that the murder happened with Orla right nearby - the Luminol reactions on her skin in places where she herself wasn’t bleeding. And he can say that could have happened at the time Dr Crab was scheduled to meet the victim at the orca pool. It could’ve been drained then too. They only have Crab’s own word that he didn’t go. And then they only have his own word that the sleeping pills that he purchased were stolen out of his laboratory. Uh huh, certainly, that’s real convenient.

But they don’t have proof, solidly, and the burden of proof lies with the defense. Phoenix’s case that it was Dr Crab who tried to kill Orla (they’re still working their way, slowly, back to Jack Shipley’s murder) is broken by the mere possibility that someone else could have taken and used the sleeping pills. He’s not the prosecution, even if he feels like it right now. This isn’t enough for the defense. All it’s enough for is to piss Dr Crab off that he, an honorable veterinarian, is being accused of trying to kill an animal in his care.

“Wright-dono,” Blackquill says after Dr Crab’s fury at the slander has abated, “surely you are not suggesting that the orca was drugged for fear that it as a witness would speak to the truth of the murder?” He speaks with a cold condescension that tells Phoenix he knows, yes, this is exactly what Phoenix is suggesting, but he is still going to kindly repeat this back to him to allow him to hear it from another’s mouth and thus reconsider the absolute stupidity of this statement.

Phoenix is not going to reconsider the absolute stupidity of this statement. He’s bluffed on stupider. “Orcas are very intelligent creatures,” he says. “A veterinarian would of course know this, and it’s not that much of a stretch to think that he should be concerned about what Orla might be able to indicate. Besides,” he adds, knowing that when this case is over Edgeworth is going to take the transcript and highlight this section and smack him in the face with it, “I have it on good authority that the victim, Jack Shipley, was known to be able to converse with the orca. Who’s to say—”

Blackquill slams his hand down several times on the bench, laughing as he does, loud and ugly mirth over the clang of his cuffs also hitting the wood and the rattle of the chain. “I should have expected this of you, Wright-dono. Your students were the ones who tried to make the phantasm of a yokai out to be a very real murderer. More the fool am I to have hoped that you would be any better than stooping to claiming magic is real.”

He hoped. Is he serious right now - he knows for a fact that Tenma Taro is very real, and he was the one who told Edgeworth that. He learned that without being physically present there, must have heard what his hawk heard, and he says magic isn’t real. He probably thinks it’s funny, wouldn’t he, to say shit he knows isn’t true knowing that it will make Phoenix sound like more of a lunatic. Knowing that Phoenix can’t actually know what he believes about anything he says, because his presence blinds Phoenix’s Sight.

(The more he thinks about that, the more disturbed he gets. That shouldn’t happen. The Sight sees through fae glamours that a changeling might not know she has in place; the Sight gives him glimpses of a changeling who knows but is trying to deny what he is. Klavier’s disappearing act hits both sets of eyes; Pearl doesn’t seem any more out of place with one or the other. It takes his magatama for that. But Blackquill was confusing even Pearl - hiding, she said. Hiding what he is, isn’t that what she said - or did she say who? What kind of magic, or force of will, or whatever, can possibly—)

“And tell me, presuming even that the victim could commune with the orca, what then is your plan? Do you know of some ritual to bring those very truly dead back to life so that our dead man may translate the orca for us - and should you know such, please, do enlighten me as to why we shouldn’t just ask the dead man to tell us who killed him.” He’s still smirking. Phoenix hates him.

“That was just an example,” Phoenix says. “I believe the defendant has also some ability to know what the orca is communicating.”

He glances at Sasha, who looks extremely alarmed. Maybe that he’s fallen to making this point in court, or maybe she was just teasing him when she said she was translating Orla. Well. Too late to take it back now.

“Yes, of course.” Blackquill lowers his chin, glowering at Phoenix. “We will ask the orca about the murder the defendant committed, and the defendant shall translate her testimony for us. Tell me, do you see an issue with that?”

“Er…” Yeah. Yeah, that’s an issue.

Dr Crab drums his fingers on the witness stand. “If you’re finished with this line of consideration, may I add something? Think, Mr Lawyer, that had I wanted to poison Orla - who was it that treated and saved her when you came running to say something was wrong?” He waits for a moment’s emphasis, during which time Phoenix considers that he didn’t say they were out of their minds debating talking to an orca, and then adds, “Me.”

“Well,” Phoenix says. Shit, that’s true. He could’ve just let her die, couldn’t he? “Except shouldn’t you have known what was going on with her, without Pearl having to come get you? The TORPEDO is constantly monitoring, right? It should’ve been telling you something was going on!”

“Son of a—” Dr Crab inhales and blows out his breath through gritted teeth. “Son of a gun. You really had to remember that all and bring it up, huh? You’re not as birdbrained as you look.”

“Objection.” Blackquill doesn’t have to yell to be heard; he drops the courtroom into silence no matter how quietly he speaks. Is it magic or just another trick of his terrifying presence? “The defense’s brain does not merit this disparaging comparison to birds - they are far smarter than he.”

“Hmph.” Dr Crab shakes his head. “Bird-lover, I should’ve guessed.” Taka isn’t on Blackquill’s shoulder right now, but maybe Dr Crab saw it when Blackquill spoke with him yesterday. Is Taka a jailbird too? “You and I aren’t destined for friendship then.”

Someone should give Blackquill one of those penguin calendars when this trial is over. It might brighten up his prison cell a bit.

“My apologies, Dr Crab.” Phoenix feels like he’s interrupting something but it might be better that way, before Blackquill picks a full-on fight with a veterinarian about how smart birds on average are or aren’t. (Varies across species, surely? Crows are smart; Kay harps on that all the time, but Phoenix still wouldn’t get anything out of calling a crow to testify unless Kay was there translating. Parrots, though—) “But I did warn you yesterday that if it would help Sasha’s case, I would divulge whatever it took.”

“Back up one moment,” Blackquill cuts in. “What is this ‘TORPEDO’?”

And Phoenix’s next accusatory tangent lies dead in the water by the end of it, with Dr Crab pissed that Phoenix has announced his illegal activity in court - fair enough - and Blackquill puzzling out that yes, Dr Crab would be telling the truth when he said he didn’t get any warning data on Orla. The sensor is attached in her tank and sends sound waves through the water, but if there’s no water in the tank - or in, say, half of the tank, the half that was drained where the police found an odd-looking sensor during their investigation - then no data gets communicated. Therefore, Dr Crab doesn’t know that Orla is in trouble, and can’t come running to save her.

Bizarre, really, to see Blackquill of all people be the one to figure out why the aquarium’s high-tech equipment was and wasn’t working the way it does. Is Phoenix projecting a little about his own technological inadequacies? Maybe. Is it also just generally shocking to see a man who talks and acts like he was dropped here straight from feudal Japan so quickly grasp what’s going on with this monitoring system that he only had explained to him three minutes ago? Yes. And is it frustrating when, by knowing that the sensor in Orla’s pool only turned off twice, during the overnight cleaning and during the police investigation, they know that the pool was never drained another time, leaving no other time that the victim could’ve been killed in the orca pool room, meaning that Sasha is the only one who could’ve killed the victim? Absolutely.

His theory broken down by tiny inconsistencies that add up into something bigger; this is what it’s like to be the prosecution. Except by this point Phoenix is pretty sure Dr Crab didn’t actually try to kill Orla. He’s pretty sure of that even when he objects that someone did try and kill Orla, no way around it, no matter if it wasn’t Dr Crab. Two people fed Orla during the trial yesterday, when the drug would’ve gotten into her system. Sasha was one - unfortunately, because nothing can be easy - and the other was Marlon Rimes.

Not quite the place he thought this would end up, to be honest.

The judge calls a short recess for Rimes to be summoned, and Blackquill cuts that down to a minute and a half because Rimes is apparently already here in the courthouse. It leaves Athena enough time to say she can’t belive this, either, and Dr Crab to drop Azura’s charm, the one Rifle ate, on the defense’s bench and tell them that he certainly doesn’t want to accuse either Sasha or Marlon, but the truth is what it is and it’s up to them to figure it out, and best of luck to them. “Now I think I should’ve learned Japanese,” Athena says, holding the charm up close to her face and then wrinkling her nose and quickly pushing it away, some fishy smell remaining to bother her. From that distance she squints at the characters inked on the front. “Like I kept going back and forth on whether I wanted to, but it wasn’t as practical as the languages for countries I was studying in, and then with the Bar too—”

“Athena, you really don’t need to justify not knowing how to read Japanese.” It’s like she thinks she’s supposed to be able to do everything all at once, and she falls silent, looking at him and then back down at the charm.

“I think these are like - not supposed to be opened? Or it’s bad luck to open it or maybe I’m thinking of something else.”

“Better hold off on that, then.” Phoenix holds out his hand and she drops it in his palm and then Fulbright ushers Rimes up to the stand and that’s the end of Blackquill’s speedrun recess.

Rimes, despite being at the courthouse, apparently doesn’t know what was happening in the trial, implying that Blackquill just dropped him in a lobby and left him there and - other than the hawk attack right at the start, Phoenix hasn’t actually seen Taka around. He pictures Rimes sitting paralyzed with fear under the watchful and murderous eyes of the prosecution’s attack bird. That’s probably how it was.

“Mr Rimes,” the judge says, probably pleased that for once he’s not the most clueless person in the courtroom. “You are under suspicion of the attempted murder of the orca.”

Phoenix decides that if it’d bad luck to fiddle with this charm, he’s already cursed enough as-is, and he might as well go ahead and do it. There’s something inside the little packet, another thin slip of paper, and he slides it out to find a small photograph, showing Rimes with his arm around the dark-haired young woman from DePlume’s book. Azura Summers, bright-eyed and alive, with an anchor-shaped orca whistle around her neck and behind her and Rimes, the orca.

Now that’s a hell of an interesting revelation, isn’t it. Phoenix sets the charm down on the bench and turns his attention to Rimes, on-stand, hollow-eyed and gone quiet at the accusation. “Fine,” he says. “If that’s already out - I’ll tell the truth.”

And he again begins to insist that Orla was the one to kill the victim.

“We proved yesterday that she didn’t!” Athena slams her fist down on the bench, then winces. “Mr Rimes, why are you lying!”

“I ain’t lying,” Rimes protests. “And that’s better for you! Sasha goes free if the orca did it, right?”

Athena’s mouth hangs open in silent fury. Blackquill stares Phoenix down coldly, and his hawk a mirror of him but with yellow eyes instead of black. “Getting a witness to lie to get your client off the hook? That’s a low, underhanded trick, Wright-dono, even for you.”

A pit opens wide in Phoenix’s stomach. His old reputation, the one Kristoph wove for him, ever precedes him. “Prosecutor Blackquill,” he says, as evenly as he can, hoping as he does that Athena is too distracted with her own anger to notice the emotional tangle that he is caught up in. “I fought for Orla’s acquittal yesterday, and I stand by that today. Ms Buckler believes in Orla’s innocence - I would be letting her down if I saved her at the cost of someone she loves.”

Blackquill’s expression darkens further. He is a thundercloud, a shadow, a wraith, a nightmare made flesh, and for someone who doesn’t have a perfect win record and never was a picture of prosecutorial perfection, he certainly acts like one of those prosecutors who would do anything to get their win, to the cost of the person in the defendant’s seat. Out for the blood of everyone in the courtroom.

Time to prove that Phoenix is as good as his word. “Now, Mr Rimes, let’s talk about your testimony. Your claim is that the orca killed the victim by flinging him up into the air and hitting the water, which is roughly a thirty-foot fall based on the distance between the ceiling and the water. The autopsy report makes clear that the cause of death was something more around sixty feet - sixty-five feet being the depth of the orca pool. If there was still water in the pool as you said, that simply wouldn’t be possible.”

“Ah—” Rimes jerks back away from the stand.

“That’s rather decisive, isn’t it?” the judge muses. “We’re returning to the orca not having done it, then.”

“We are,” Blackquill agrees, his eyes closed. “As I expected. I could not believe this tripe for a moment. I am grateful, Wright-dono, that you shut up this witness on my behalf. Now, the attempted murder of the orca is not the issue we are deliberating, so once again, we prove that Sasha Buckler is the only person who could have killed the victim.”

“Wait,” Rimes says. “Shit. That’s not—”

Every turn they take, Sasha is still the only one who could be the killer. The location and the card key usage record lock in that conclusion. If there’s any way for someone who isn’t Sasha to be the killer - if he turns it around, what scenario leaves the possibility for someone else to be the killer? The location would have to be somewhere that wasn’t the pool room, somewhere that anyone could access, and somewhere with a long way to fall, same as the drained pool. And somewhere that the orca was, to leave blood on her.

The show stage pool.

“Objection!” Phoenix yells it not quite sure what he’s objecting to, having missed the last thirty seconds or so of the conversation, but Blackquill stands expectant, waiting, and the judge was raising his gavel, and that’s the time when there’s no time to think, just object. “I have an objection!”

“Do you,” Blackquill asks, “or are you merely saying those words in a desperate bid for more time?” He tilts his head slightly to the side, considering Phoenix, and adds, “You appear rather sick. Best for your health if you just lie down and accept this, I’d wager.”

I’d wager. One of them in this courtroom is actually a professional gambler, and it’s not the man saying that. What the hell does he think he knows? “Consider,” Phoenix says. “What if the scene of the crime was somewhere else?”

Definitely not his strongest opening, but he’s already put it out there, so he’s got to run with it. “The prosecution’s argument is that, because only the victim and defendant entered the orca pool room when there was no water in the tank, that only the defendant could have killed him, correct?” Blackquill nods curtly. “But if the murder actually took place somewhere else, then it’s very possible that someone else who is not Sasha Buckler could have committed it.”

“Do you know where you’re taking this argument?” Athena asks quietly.

“Actually, sort of, yes.” In a sense, as long as where he’s taking this argument doesn’t immediately need evidence.

“Mr Wright, I hope you aren’t - as I recall you often doing - just bluffing, are you?” All the things that the judge could remember about Phoenix’s defenses after eight years absent from court, and this is what stuck.

“If the show stage pool was drained, it would be equally possible to fall to one’s death there,” Phoenix says. There, proof that he isn’t totally bluffing: an actual suggestion of where this hypothetical other crime scene could be.

Blackquill rubs his chin, frowning, for several seconds, staring out into somewhere in the middle of the courtroom floor. “Wright-dono,” he says, eyes unblinking and not even moving in Phoenix’s direction, “you are a disgrace to your profession.”

“There’s a hoist for moving the orca and props between the two pools.” If he doesn’t acknowledge Blackquill’s barbs, will he eventually stop throwing them? Probably not; that never made middle school bullies stop, either. (Larry dumping a cup of dirty paint water on someone’s head was a better solution. Still probably won’t work on Blackquill.) “It wouldn’t be difficult to move a body via the same method.”

“You have no idea what you are spewing, do you?” Something snaps behind Blackquill’s eyes and he jerks his head up. “Your desperate conjecture creates an entirely new crime scene and even then you cannot follow it through to realize that your new scenario is another malformed coffin for your defense. Tell me, how is it you have deluded yourself into believing that you belong on this battlefield, in this courtroom? Have you truly begun to believe your own mad bluffs?”

The Twisted Samurai knows where to strike to draw blood, if Phoenix had anything more than ice and stone left in his veins. Of course he knows he doesn’t belong back here, but he’ll be damned if he lets Edgeworth down. That’s more important. And now that he’s here, he won’t let Sasha down.

Blackquill raises his fists and slams them in tandem down on the bench. The whole courtroom seems to rattle with the force of the impact, and the chain between his shackles doesn’t hold up. It breaks apart, again, giving Blackquill the full use of his arms, fully preparing him to strike. (There’s something beyond disturbing about the thought that he could do this at any time and simply chooses not to. He could make a break for it from the courtroom if he really wanted. Edgeworth’s met with him one-on-one before. Blackquill could’ve killed him if he wanted to, surely. Phoenix spent seven years trying to keep Edgeworth away and safe from one murdering, magic-using lawyer, and here he was arranging this, whatever the hell this is, with a different one.)

“Well, if you think you’re so smart, then what do you think is so wrong about Mr Wright’s theory?” Athena demands. She’s a good person to have in his corner, all that energy bursting forth, making her not fearless - she shrank away from Blackquill like the rest of them - but furious enough to work past it. Even if she did ask Phoenix if he actually knew what he was arguing. Can’t exactly blame her for it.

The hoist only operates from the orca pool room, meaning that it still had to be Sasha who moved the body, as the only person who did, or could, enter. No way around it. But Sasha could have, theoretically, moved it unknowingly, when she asked for Rimes’ help hiding a prop, the skull rock. If the body was hidden in there—

“Huh,” Rimes says, turning his eyes down toward the stand. “You’re way smarter than I expected, Mr Wright.” Why does everyone keep saying that? “I thought I could hide my involvement, but, yeah, I helped Sasha move and hide the captain’s body after he died at the show pool.”

“Mr Rimes, please stop committing perjury.” Phoenix puts his head in his hands. Presuming that this isn’t more perjury, which he will presume that this is more perjury because Rimes is still saying that the orca killed the victim.

“For once, I agree with the defense,” Blackquill says. “What did I bother putting you on the stand for, if you have nothing but nonsense for testimony!”

“It’s the truth!” Rimes protests. “I didn’t kill the captain, and Sasha didn’t either! She’s only guilty of trying to protect that damn orca! It flipped him way up in the air and he died when he hit the water.” His eyes have glazed over, obviously remembering something, but what, Phoenix can’t say if he is, as he is, assuming this is still lies. If Rimes murdered Shipley, then wouldn’t he want Sasha to take the fall? It would be easier than watching his story unravel trying to insist the orca did it. “And all the spectators screaming when his body came up, I can’t get it outta my head. Sasha and I were already gonna move the skull rock so we put his body in it to hide it; we were gonna figure out what to do in the morning. But then Ms DePlume found out, and I freaked.”

Spectators? What in hell is he talking about? It was the middle of the night. “Hm.” Athena draws a circle in the air with her gloved fingers, whipping up one of her emotional analysis screens. “I think I can take this one, Mr Wright. There’s a ton of noise I’m hearing. It’s coming up as - ah.” Having finished loading, Widget makes some horrible blaring noises and the projected display flashes between blue and red. “Completely out of control anger and sadness.”

“Can you do something with that?” Phoenix asks. She nods. “If there’s anything you can hone in on about that ‘spectators’ line—”

“That’s definitely an odd spot.” Athena scratches her chin. “And odd, inconsistent spots like that usually have something to do with it. Poke him on that and see what he says.”

He says that he made a mistake. An odd one to make, without a doubt; they’ve been talking about how this case happened during overnight cleaning for two days now, and here’s Rimes, talking like it happened in the middle of a show. “Pointing that out made some of the sadness subside,” Athena says, further pondering the screen and swiping back and forth between statements of the testimony. “I wonder if he could be mixing up one memory with another - some other incident left a deep imprint on his psyche and was similar enough that he’s recalling it now.”

The charm that belonged to Azura Summers’ boyfriend still lies on the bench, the corner of the photograph sticking out. “Mr Rimes, you didn’t happen to be in the audience at last year’s show, when the other trainer died, did you?”

“I—” Surely he must have realized that this would become a topic of contention, that someone could figure out his connection to this prior case, but Rimes appears wholly unprepared for the topic. One of his hands flits down toward his pocket. “Yes, I was in the audience, but so what?” His voice trembles as he asks. “I was just - just some other spectator.”

“No you weren’t.” Phoenix picks the charm back up and removes the picture fully from it, passing it to Athena. “Ms Azura Summers, the orca trainer who died last year, was your girlfriend.”

“H-hey! Where’d you get that charm—” There’s the reaction Phoenix wanted. Rimes doesn’t have a poker face.

“I thought you said we weren’t going to mess with that yet,” Athena says.

“I didn’t want you to,” Phoenix says. “I can’t get much more cursed.”

“Well, you could’ve mentioned to me that you’d—” Athena squeals and jumps backwards as Taka alights on the bench, sticking its head through the Mood Matrix. Pulling the picture close to her chest, Athena stares down the bird; it glares back, snapping its sharp little beak open and closed several times. “Wait, do you - do you want—” She slowly extends her hand, fingers curled to keep them from appearing as tempting snacks, picture offered to the hawk pinched between her thumb and fist. Taka stretches its neck out and plucks the photograph away from her, sweeping its wings wide and taking off with a gust that buffets their faces and leaves behind a few loose bits of feathery fluff.

“I’m surprised it didn’t just rip it out of your hands,” Phoenix says.

“Must’ve been afraid he’d ruin it,” Athena says. Across the courtroom, Taka lands in front of Blackquill, holding the picture for him to examine, and then flies off to the judge.

Rimes’ anger is easy from there: he thinks the orca killed his girlfriend. Of course he hates it. Of course he wanted to prove it to be - frame it as? - a killer. And with those loudest, most furious emotions quieted, Athena can hear that he wasn’t surprised when DePlume saw the orca finding the body in the rock. The last contradiction between Rimes’ words and feelings cleared, it’s all there: motive to hate the orca and frame her for murder, method to move the body, and a witness who they proved yesterday had been manipulated by the real killer to specifically witness the “killer” whale. And if Rimes, like he points out, doesn’t have a motive for killing Jack Shipley - well, that’s it, isn’t it? Rimes tried to kill Orla by draining the show pool, but that left room for Shipley to fall to his death.

It’s quiet, for a moment, with Phoenix finished laying out his proposal. “Mr Rimes?” the judge prompts. “Do you have anything to say to this?”

“I wish I didn’t have to fight anyone but that orca,” Rimes says, “but I guess you’re not leaving me much choice. I’m not strong enough otherwise.” His hand returns to his pocket, but this time when he brings it back up a magatama rests in his palm, glowing faintly blue. Fingers closing around it, he brings it up to his chest.

“Mr Rimes, wait—” Whatever he thinks he’s doing - even if he did murder Jack Shipley while trying to kill Orla - Phoenix is of the opinion that very few people deserve what the fae would put them through. Rimes isn’t one. But it’s too late, and he stands there in front of the court with light shining out between his fingers, spilling across his skin and up from under it. He flexes and his arms bulge, and his whole body with it distorts and swells so that he looks, really, nothing like the Rimes of a moment ago. His jaw and face widen; his shirt splits apart under the strain of this bodybuilder-caricature physique. If there is a murmur from the gallery whenever something interesting happens, this is a roar, and the judge, shocked like the rest of them, not even banging his gavel for order.

Blackquill recoils, but by managing to speak he’s one step ahead of the rest of them on the court floor who are struck by silence. “What the devil kind of deal did you make?” he snarls. Rimes doesn’t answer him; Blackquill’s eyes flash silver again and Taka shrieks and Phoenix is the next unfortunate prey beneath their gazes. “This entire yarn you have spun, defense, is predicated on this witness being able to manipulate the orca into acting as he wished. Answer me this, witness, before your body folds under the weight of your bad decision: can you control the orca’s actions?”

Phoenix almost misses Rimes’ answer - something about not being able to, and that Phoenix is spewing bilge, which, no, Phoenix is pretty sure he’s on the right track this time - thinking more about the way Blackquill called Rimes on the magatama. How did he get it - what did he do for it - is Blackquill concerned of what will come of that, the way Phoenix is, or is this disdain and no sympathy for a fool in over his head? It doesn’t matter, in the moment, but Phoenix is grasping for any insight at all into Blackquill’s thoughts and his own situation. There’s a lot to learn about someone else’s background based on their opinions of the fae and the like.

The trouble is, he’s pretty sure that if he ever tried to talk to Blackquill, personally, the man would laugh him out of the detention center, and this is going to be the most insight he gets.

“Ms Buckler was the only one who knew how to issue commands to the orca, wasn’t she?” the judge asks.

“Ah,” Phoenix says. Shit. He’s got to figure out how someone else could’ve, and fast.

“How does it feel to be shown up as a lawyer by the judge?” Blackquill asks. (Pretty bad, honestly.) “Strike at me with a blade of evidence, or accept your defeat with grace, should you even know how!”

He lashes out at Phoenix with a slash of his finger, his movement no longer limited by the handcuffs. The air in the courtroom moves, pushes across a cold front, and with it, cutting through the dark that falls over Phoenix’s Sight with a silvery, icy curved blade of wind. He’s sure it isn’t solid, but it strikes him in the face, up by his temple, and still hurts. The sting that lingers is of a paper’s slice through skin, but the initial impact, the first cut, is a damn bit stronger than that. He lifts a hand and drags it through his hair there, isn’t surprised to find that some dark strands come away stuck to his skin.

There’s supposed to be reason for those handcuffs, a mundane reason and a magical reason, and yet Blackquill breaks the chain limiting him and uses magic that should be stopped by iron. Is that something to be said for the power of psychology? Magic powered by belief in it, and Blackquill perhaps tricking himself into believing that none of this can stop him. Witch, magician, fae, or something else, iron should limit him at least somewhat - unless this is him limited, and that’s an entirely new frightening thought.

Yeah, yeah, isn’t it nice that Phoenix doesn’t have any reason at all to ever be involved with Blackquill ever again after this trial is over, huh.

(Damn you, Edgeworth.)

“I’m afraid that this line of reasoning has reached a dead end,” the judge says. Rimes couldn’t frame Orla without manipulating her - how could Rimes have manipulated her? If Phoenix doesn’t have proof he at least needs some way to stall for time, some more testimony - from Sasha? If he asks Sasha to testify about Orla’s training sessions, if it was possible for someone to see or record them, if anything is written down— “Unfortunately, there seems no way for your theory to work, Mr Wright. Now—”

“Objection!”

Athena’s shout reverberates through his ears, and with that so close and so unexpected, Phoenix knows his face doesn’t put up the facade of the defense team both being on the same page. She doesn’t immediately followup with evidence or more reasoning, and he asks, “Do - do you have something to say?”

“No,” she says, staring across at Blackquill at the other bench. “But you do. You’re not done arguing - I can hear it in your heart that you’re not.” She smiles at him. When did he last say something, for her to hear? Does it not take words any longer, after the time she’s known him? Or is she just saying what she hears in her own heart, her hope for him, that the great Phoenix Wright who she admired enough to become a defense attorney won’t quit like this. “So I was speaking up for you - sometimes you need someone else to help, right?”

Someone else to speak up for him - someone else to remind him who he is. He hasn’t gotten his badge back to not fight to the end with insane and absurd suppositions. Sasha came to him for help and he won’t let her down. “Thanks, Athena,” he says, and louder calls, “Your Honor! I’m not yet finished presenting my argument!”

“Some day or another you both need to learn to give up.” Blackquill leans forward, his elbows resting on the bench. “I might prefer that to be today, now. What more can you possibly want to do? You’ve already presented a mountain of evidence and scrutinized every last piece of testimony from all of the witnesses!”

Everyone involved - DePlume, Rimes, Sasha, Crab. He could ask Sasha to testify again, buy some time to think - wait, everyone involved? Not quite. There’s a reason Sasha came to him for help, and this is batshit, this is a joke, but it saved him in a situation far more dire than this.

“No,” Phoenix says. “Not every witness. We haven’t heard from the central figure in both today and yesterday’s trials, have we?”

“Don’t tell me.” Blackquill pushes himself up straighter, the better to condescendingly glare down at the defense. Phoenix can’t help but crack a momentary grin at him. Oh, I’ll be telling you in a second.

“Wait - who have we not heard from?” the judge asks. “Prosecutor Blackquill, Mr Wright, what valuable input have you been neglecting?”

Blackquill closes his eyes. Phoenix takes a deep breath and steels himself. Nothing else for it. “The defense would like to call Orla the orca as a witness for cross-examination!”

“—and I hope Phoenix knows that I can’t actually understand Orla on more than a basic first-week-of-foreign-language-class level! Like ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘it’s fine’, ‘thanks’ - I could tell you who the killer was if she could tell me but I don’t know enough vocabulary to—”

“Sasha, calm down.” Phoenix slides his phone back into his pocket. “I wasn’t expecting you to. Since you and the victim were the ones who fed Orla, she shouldn’t have interacted with Rimes much, right? But if we can get some sort of reaction from her when she sees him, that could be telling.”

“Wait, would she even recognize him the way he looks now?” Athena asks. “Bold move, Boss, at any rate.”

He can’t tell if that’s sarcasm or genuine admiration. “Well, since you spoke up for me before I’d figured out a plan, I had to work out our next step on the fly.”

“You do that off your own objections, too, though,” Athena says.

“And I just—” He stops. He also can’t tell if that one is sarcasm or admiration and he’s going to let it all go. “Just spoke with Pearls and she’s getting the telecast set up on her end. Says Orla seems to be feeling fine.”

“Thank goodness,” Sasha says. “And thank you so much - I r-eely appreciate you not giving up on Orla.”

“Of course we wouldn’t!” Athena says brightly. “We don’t give up! Wait, do you say ‘really’ like that like to mean, like, reeling in a fishing pole?”

“What? No, it’s like eels - electric, moray, you know.”

“Ooh,” Athena says.

Sasha frowns. “I had no idea how much Marlon hated Orla. Feels like an electric eel’s gotten to me now. I can’t believe that all this time he was planning on…”

Orla didn’t kill Jack Shipley. Every new thing Phoenix proves keeps coming around to that. But Rimes - Rimes said he was sure the orca killed Jack Shipley, right? Was that what he said? What were his exact words? How had he phrased it? Phoenix doesn’t remember, but Psyche-Locks hadn’t appeared, and they probably should have, because Rimes is hiding all this and more. Consistency, consistency, Phoenix thought he had this figured out. Was it screwed up because Pearl was nearby but not with him? Where was she when he talked with DePlume? Or was he not paying attention because he had no idea that Rimes might be important? Because unlike DePlume, he didn’t act blatantly suspicious, and Phoenix didn’t give him a glance with the Sight, either. Maybe he was just too trapped in his own head to notice, too busy thinking about Maya, about humans and orcas and humans and fae, to have any room left for locks to force their way in front of his eyes.

That seems likely. He really needs to stop considering the mirror. It only misleads.

What was it that Blackquill said to Apollo, that first day in court? To stop relying on the tricks that someone else gave him? Phoenix needs to remember that, again, himself. If nothing else, it’s a reminder. He was a lawyer before he could see Psyche-Locks. He was a lawyer and figured it out when they were misleading him.

Locks or no, they’re reaching the end of this, and Phoenix is going to make Rimes break.

“Of course he hates the orca that killed his girlfriend.” Great, as if he didn’t need more pressure, here is DePlume, strutting into the lobby like she owns the place. “And killed her right in front of him, too!”

“I - didn’t know you were here, Ms DePlume,” Athena says, as clearly unhappy that she is here as Phoenix is.

“Of course I am! I’ve made a vow, you see.” She looks serious. Phoenix hopes it’s not any kind of magically-binding vow. “That I will learn the truth, and report on it in my next book - whatever this truth happens to be, and even if it goes against what I last wrote about this orca.”

That is - not the response Phoenix thought she’d have, not when she was so furious yesterday to have been proven wrong. “That’s really good of you, actually,” he says, immediately regretting the “actually” that his stupid brain let go through the filter and get attached to the end of his sentence.

DePlume sniffs haughtily. “Don’t patronize me, blue boy. Patronize my books if you will anything - I may be a bestselling author, but it is still difficult to maintain a living off of that alone.” And harder, no doubt, when people like Phoenix’s daughter are pirating her books. Should he feel bad?

“No, I mean, genuinely, it’s hard for anyone to realize that they’re wrong, and to face that truth head-on, too. Having been there enough myself.” And seen that many more of his friends and clients facing the same. Sasha slid to the side out of DePlume’s war path but still thinking about Rimes, that resentment he harbored and fed until a man is dead and the aquarium staff tearing themselves and each other apart.

“I’d sure like to know that truth myself,” Dr Crab says. When did he enter? Easy to miss him when DePlume takes center stage. “Now and then, too. I was in that audience, same as Rimes, and Azura died right in front of me.”

The photo of her body presents itself in Phoenix’s mind’s eye. How they said the orca killed her but the only teeth marks were on her walkie-talkie. “What happened then, exactly, if you’re willing to tell me?”

Dr Crab shakes his head but he’s already answering as he does. “It was the middle of a show. I was usually right there for them, in case something happened - to the orca, we were prepared for. But Azura fell off its back and started thrashing around in the water, not like she was trying to swim and couldn’t, but just writhing in pain. The orca was in the middle of singing but started headbutting her, several times, before she took her in her mouth and dragged her over to the side of the pool. They’d already started ushering the crowd out, but it was so loud, people screaming - Jack and I ran over to her, and we could see her holding her chest, in obvious pain, but by the time we got there…”

She was dead, and the orca the only apparent thing involved. But a pain in her chest, a sudden death, no visible marks on her body that honestly how could they think the orca did it unless there was some very delayed bruising - and yesterday what did Apollo find out? “I don’t think the orca had anything to do with her death, either,” Phoenix says. “I think probably, when Orla was headbutting her, she was trying to check on her. In the course of our investigating, we discovered that Ms Summers suffered from a heart condition - she was taking the same medication that you do, Sasha.”

“A heart condition?” Sasha yelps. “But that - she never told me!”

“Just like I’m currently finding out that you have one,” Crab says dryly. Sasha makes a small noise of affirmation. But he looks shaken, too, and seems to be chewing over some thought for several more seconds until his head snaps to attention with a revelation. “Son of a bitch! What her family said - and that you have a condition too, Sasha, of course!”

“Uh…” Sasha turns helplessly around to face every other person in the room. Coming up with nothing, she finally asks, “Is this about that spectacular fight with her family that you had, and what does something they said have to do with me?”

“Spectacular?” Athena repeats warily.

“The hallway around Dr Crab’s lab was practically shaking,” Sasha says. “It was when they came to - to pick up Azura’s body. I couldn’t tell what anyone was saying but boy were you all mad. It’s not like, the fun kind of way you usually think when people say ‘spectacular’, but it was loud and dramatic and bombastic.”

“They were furious with me,” Dr Crab says. “They believed that were I really a friend of Azura’s, I would’ve told her to go back home and away from this aquarium and this city. Because they mentioned the orca, naturally, but then told me it often happens that shapeshifters like her who grow up isolated from human society end up developing any number of health conditions when they try to integrate with an environment that’s so human - all of our bustle and pollution and technology and metals.” He shakes his head. “Son of a bitch, I didn’t know why they were telling me it then, but they must have known. And here you are, Sasha, another selkie with a heart condition—”

“Azura was a selkie? But - but she never told me that either!” Distressed, Sasha fiddles with the whistle around her neck and doesn’t look back at Dr Crab.

“You’re a selkie, Sasha?” Athena asks. “You didn’t tell us that! Wait what’s a selkie. Is that the one that sings you to death?”

“Siren,” Phoenix says. “Selkie is seals.”

“Well… I guess not. But - is this why we got along so well? I can’t believe this!” Sasha pushes her bangs back and leaves them spiked partway up. “Are you sure?”

“I kept her skin on hand for her in my lab for her so yes, I’m rather sure.”

“What? Her skin?” Athena echoes, eyes wide, aghast. “Ew!”

“Her sealskin, and it looked more like a fur coat than anything,” Dr Crab says irritably. “Her family wanted it back, which was the argument I had with them. They wanted to take her home, and it’s not like she and I ever discussed what she wanted to happen if…” He shakes his head again. “Hard to think about when you’re this young. But she’d left home and made this her home for a reason and she told me that and I told them that, and I thought part of her should stay here. They left with her body, and Jack and I took her sealskin and gave it back to the ocean here. And hoped that was something she would’ve wanted.”

Sasha wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I bet it was,” she says. “And in my family, maybe she had different traditions, she said she was from Japan right?” - Dr Crab nods - “but my family has a funeral rite of separately interring our sealskins to the sea, so that there’s room in the empty skin for a new life to incarnate. So I think - I think Azura would’ve been happy with that.” She sniffles loudly. “And I knew Orla didn’t do it! And you were talking about putting her down!”

Dr Crab’s eyes dart toward DePlume, who has been strangely quiet - likely rattled to have been so wrong. “That was a lie,” he says, finally, reluctantly, but with Orla’s innocence established, with the aquarium already in trouble for the TORPEDO monitoring system - go ahead. Might as well spill more. “Jack and I were against such a thing from the start, no matter what she might’ve done.” Like Pearl said. That it wasn’t fair. Not for Orla. “That’s what the sleeping pills were for - if it came to it, we would drug her, pretend she was dead, and set her free.”

Is an orca smart enough to be malicious? Smart enough to realize how fragile humans are? Failing a concrete answer to that - and the fact that the victim talked with her doesn’t give an answer, because Kay talks to crows and they’re smart but enough to be punished for crimes? - Phoenix thinks that yes, that would be the right thing to do.

An orca’s an orca. Not the fae, who tend toward conceptually understanding what humans think is moral but still erring on the side of “it’s only a crime if you’re caught”. Another reason that they established the rule of using the local human judicial body rule on their murders, because human investigators are more eyes to help catch your enemies for actions that are against the law, and there’s another fae tendency to not look ahead to consequences, like that one day all those investigating human eyes will be catching you for your crimes, too.

(And he’s not going to tell Kay that his professional legal opinion is that crows should not be sentenced for crimes. She’d be the one to figure out how to push it too far. Would Blackquill be willing to prosecute a murder of thieving crows, or does his love of birds extend past Taka and penguins?)

“I have one last thing that I can’t tell you,” Dr Crab says. “I made a promise to Jack, and I’m bound to it. But here’s a clue for the aquarium’s last secret - focus on the orca’s song.”

“Orla’s… song?” Phoenix repeats. Crab nods. “She only knows how to sing one song, right?” Crab nods again, and Sasha this time, does as well. ��All right. That’s - okay.” Great. Nothing like building a case off of cryptic clues.

DePlume should have been hearing this entire conversation, from selkies to faking an orca’s death, but she doesn’t act like she has. When she finally speaks, it’s like she’s frozen back at the very start. “I never even considered that the poor girl’s death could have been - an illness, a physical ailment.” She tugs her scarf away from the back of her neck and fans her skin. “I just want to know the truth,” she repeats. “Whether I may even say ‘just’ with all of this that you speak so openly of” - she still doesn’t give a hint whether she knows and believes them and is shocked that they would dare utter these things loudly, or whether she thinks they’re lunatics - “but I will tell you something that will help you. It is not in service to the truth for me to refrain from speaking of this.”

“Oh?” Even rattled as she is, she still has that certainty and confidence that made her such a formidable and more than that, frustrating, witness. What else does she know that they didn’t pry out of her, or that she didn’t happily admit in what seems to be an insatiable need to gossip?

“I told you that I was investigating the aquarium that day on behalf of a client, yes?” Phoenix has no idea if she did but nods anyway. “I was called out, specifically, that morning, to investigate the orca pool, by that animal keeper, Marlon Rimes.”

“I’ve tried to explain to Orla what’s going on and what she needs to do, but I don’t think she understands any of these lawyering words.”

The monitor that showed Orla yesterday, today once again sits on the floor near the witness stand, and its screen projected much larger, up into the air, for the court to easily see. Pearl stands with her hands clasped behind her back, half in view, watching Orla, who splashed up water at the edge of the pool and chirps contentedly.

Even if she can understand pieces of what they say, what frame of reference would an orca have to understand what a court or testimony is? “Thanks for trying,” Phoenix says.

“Ah, young lady there with the very cute orca, we’ve met before, have we not?” the judge asks. Despite being afraid of Orla yesterday, today he thinks she’s cute. Point to the defense.

“You have,” Phoenix says. “That’s Pearl. She came with me to court a number of times.” And watched her mother get arrested for conspiracy and accomplice to murder on the second-ever day. Ah, memories.

“It’s very good to see you’re doing well, Mr Your Honor!” Pearl says brightly.

Taka screeches and makes a beeline for the judge’s head, settling gently, as it does, down on his scalp, but clearly conveying the message that there’s no time for small talk. “Ahem. Mr Wright. What is your plan for cross-examining this witness here?”

“I’m gonna ask her for testimony,” Phoenix says. “And I would also like to call Mr Rimes back up to the stand, to see if we can get any reaction from Orla. Pearl, do you have a way to see the courtroom proceedings on your end?”

“Uh - yes, one moment!” Whether that means she’s doing something with the video phone, or is popping open some one-way mirror of a faery ring, Phoenix doesn’t ask, and she doesn’t say, and a moment later her voice is fainter. “Orla, look here! At Mr Animal Keeper here!”

Orla whistles with much the same intonation as she was before, with no apparent acknowledgement of Rimes. Great, okay. More or less what Phoenix expected. What’s his plan? He doesn’t have a plan. If he can’t get something out of this, then Sasha will be found guilty. He needs to figure out how Rimes gave commands to Orla. He needs time to think about that, but the only way he can buy time is with this cross-examination. He’s letting his mouth run the show, stall for time, while his brain goes to work on an entirely different problem.

His last bit of self-awareness tells him he sounds like an idiot, accepting an orca’s chirps as testimony while he tells her that her chirping isn’t really enough information and he’s going to need something more out of her, but better an idiot lawyer than a convicted client. “Excuse me, Orla, could you do the lifesaver trick for us, please? Or sing for us?”

She spurts a few drops of water up from her blowhole, like she’s snorting at him. “I guess if she’s only got a limited vocabulary, like Sasha does, then that doesn’t mean anything to her,” Athena says. “She’d associate the actions with the whistle, not the words.” And if she does know the words, then that means she doesn’t want to take orders from anyone but her trainer - either way, nothing Rimes could do. “But oh, isn’t she adorable!”

Blackquill rolls his eyes. Phoenix is glad that Athena has just kept talking, trying to suss out what Orla is feeling. Whether she knows it or not, she’s stalling for him.

Could Rimes have in some way overheard the whistle patterns and learned them? No, the training whistles aren’t within audible range; he couldn’t have. Could Azura have taught him some of Orla’s commands? Since she was a trainer, and knew them, and sent videos of training sessions to him—

The videos.

Pearl and Athena both squeak and go silent as Blackquill slams his fists on the bench. “I have had enough of this farce of yours! You had better have an answer now, Wright-dono, else I will have Taka feast upon your treacherous tongue!”

He needs that tongue. “Then allow me to explain to this court exactly how it was that Orla was manipulated. Pearls—” He probably shouldn’t call her that in court. Not real professional of him. “Ms Fey.” Blackquill laughs, low and disbelieving, and to him it probably sounds like Phoenix is saying Ms Fae, which - Mia really phoned it in when she came up with a surname. She saved all her creativity for her defenses, Lana said at one point. “You have Mr Rimes’ video phone with you, yes?”

“Yep!”

Invasion of privacy here they come. They’ve got reasonable suspicion, right? “Would you look for any videos of any orca training sessions with Ms Summers and Orla? They’d be from more than a year ago. Especially if there’s any videos of the lifesaver trick.”

Azura would’ve had to use the whistle commands for Orla to do her trick. They can’t hear the whistle, but if the video could’ve picked it up and replayed it—

“Um.” Pearl’s voice is fainter. “I will try.”

He wishes she’d have a little more confidence about it. Maybe if she did it would have taken less than the very painfully long five minutes that they wait, Blackquill glaring all the while. Phoenix would swear that he doesn’t blink. “I found one,” Pearl says finally, and the world releases the breath it was holding, like they were caught in the moment before Psyche-Locks appear. “Do you want me to play it?”

“Throw the practice dummy in the pool first,” Phoenix says.

Pearl runs around the pool, grabs the doll, and hurls it with the speed and trajectory of a fastball. It doesn’t arc into the pool and just noisily crashes into a wall somewhere off-camera, and she raises a hand to her face in surprise.

Phoenix presses both his forefingers to the bridge of his nose. “Drop,” he amends. “Drop it in the pool.”

“She could probably bench press more than me,” Athena says, sounding awed.

“She could probably bench press you,” Phoenix says.

“Well yeah, given the average weight of a person it’s theoretically not hard to bench someone. The difficulty would come from, does the person you’re benching have enough core strength to hold themselves steady when you’re lifting them so they don’t flail and fall and kick you in the face on the way down.” Phoenix hopes that she’s only worked this out theoretically and not actually been kicked in the head trying to use a person as a barbell.

A splash on-camera means Pearl finally got the dummy into the water. She leans over the side to watch it sink, and Orla looks at her, and after a few seconds Pearl acquises to something silently passed between them and grabs some fish from a bucket to feed her. “Okay, it’s sunk down to the bottom,” she says. “Now I play the video?”

“Yep.”

The first several moments, Phoenix fears nothing is going to happen. Then Orla dives, out of sight, and Pearl narrates the rest. “She’s going toward the dummy - she’s got it - here she comes - good girl, Orla! I don’t think she left any new bites in it!” She waves it above her head, for them to see. “What a smart girl! Here, I’ll get some more food for you!”

“Will you try one more for me?” Phoenix asks. He doesn’t like these questions, asking them phrased this way, but Pearl said she would help and this is part of it; this isn’t a separate deal. She pops her head back into view. “A video of her singing.”

“Of course!” And moments later Orla is squawking out her one song, a bit toneless and lacking rhythm, and still better than what Phoenix manages to do with a piano.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Athena sighs in admiration. “You go, Orla!”

“Hmph.” Blackquill is not nearly so impressed, but there’s still something bordering on begrudging acknowledgement in the grunt. Maybe he’d just rather be seeing the penguin perform. “What a shock, Wright-dono, that you pulled this off. You’ve successfully proven the possibility that Marlon Rimes could have manipulated the orca - but that is, after all, only a possibility that you have not proven, and so it is just as likely that Sasha Buckler simply commanded the orca, using her own whistle, to perform the singing and lifesaver tricks. None of this rigamarole with the videos.”

The two tricks at the same time? Didn’t they talk about Orla not being able to do that? The sound of another orca song, but a different one, as much as there can be a difference in an orca chirping in something that’s close to a pattern, jars him away from the thought. Pearl just sent over Rimes’ videos, and Athena has one pulled up and playing. It shows Azura, the dark-haired selkie, kneeling next to the pool, bobbing her head to the vague melody that Orla began in response to her whistle.

No, the orca can’t do two tricks at the same time, and Dr Crab said to give thought to the song. Phoenix still doesn’t know what the latter is about, but the former, he can toss back at Blackquill. “Not just as likely,” he says.

Blackquill’s eyebrows disappear beneath his shaggy hair. “Do tell,” he says. “If you strike at me, best be prepared to follow through.”

“I’m getting to it.” This isn’t a sword fight with a samurai, no matter how Blackquill’s metaphors make it sound. In court, with evidence, Phoenix can go toe-to-toe with him. Meanwhile, his only combat experience is choreographed Shakespearian stage fights and those don’t count, he’s starting to think.

He explains the issue, Blackquill heckling him every moment he stops to breathe for the fact that his theory is that Sasha can’t be the killer because the killer made Orla do something that’s impossible for her to do. “Better straighten out this theory of yours before I straighten you out.”

Phoenix opens his mouth. Several responses vie for space on the tip of his tongue, and in the time that “well, you are certainly allowed to try” and “yeah, that’s absolutely never going to happen” are fighting, his brain-to-mouth filter swoops in and stops him from saying anything. He closes his mouth. His silence probably makes Blackquill think he’s gotten the better of him this time, but, frankly, fuck him. (But not - okay, Phoenix is derailing this train of thought right out of the station. No puns, no pondering whether Blackquill would be attractive if he didn’t look like a dead-eyed corpse. He’s not Phoenix’s type anyway.)

“The orca’s song was probably faked,” he says finally. “Orla didn’t perform both at the same time - like I said, it’s not something she can do. The song was played over the speakers in the lobby by the tank, from this recording from a year ago. Ms DePlume said that the song she heard that day at the aquarium is the same from the Swashbuckler Spectacular show a year ago - but the song Orla sang for us just now, when Ms Fey played the video, is not that song. Marlon Rimes, who had these videos on his phone, would have been able to do this - play the lifesaver video to get Orla to bite the body, and broadcast the song to get Ms DePlume’s attention and show her that same scene she saw a year ago.”

“I ain’t exactly a tech guy,” Rimes says. “You saying I got my phone hooked up to those speakers? How?”

Ah. Well. How indeed? This would be a damned silly place for him to be stopped having come this far, though. “Not necessarily? You could’ve used your walkie-talkie. You’ve got one, same as Sasha and Jack Shipley, and those can also broadcast through the aquarium loudspeakers, right?”

Rimes fakes a laugh. That can’t mean anything good. “Sure can! Thing is - day a’fore DePlume was there and saw that murderin’ orca—” His tone of voice keeps dropping to something gravelly and more like a stereotypical pirate accent. It honestly wouldn’t surprise him if that was part of the magic woven into the magatama, just for the amusement of whatever fae made a deal with a pirate-themed aquarium employee. “Screwed up an’ broke my walkie-talkie while cleaning.”

“Are you fucking bullshitting me right now.”

He’s back in the basement of the Borscht Bowl Club, staring down seven long years of faceless challengers, and when he didn’t laugh off the ones that thought they could trick or intimidate him into losing the only reputation he had left, he dropped the thin pleasantries, dropped into the persona he mirrored from the rest of them, short-tempered and foul-mouthed card sharks, and gave a dead-eyed stare and asked what the hell they thought they were playing at. Usually his sudden change in demeanor startled them enough to give him time to regain his footing.

But today the ground is still shifting and sliding beneath him.

“You probably broke it on purpose, afterward, to be your stupid little flimsy alibi!” Athena is no less furious that he is, enough that she doesn’t point out the hypocrisy of the times he’s given her a gentle reminder that yelling at the prosecution and/or witnesses like that is not professional in the slightest.

“I’d not done any such thing,” Rimes protests. “Dropped it after I was done helping Sasha with the cleaning.”

Athena makes quotation gestures in the air. “You ‘dropped’ it, huh? You got proof for that? That you dropped it and didn’t ‘drop’ it?” She’s really going in on this phrasing.

“Proof?” Blackquill interrupts. “The burden of proof is on you, not this witness!”

It is, isn’t it? Fuck the burden of proof. Fuck everything about this. Rimes could’ve stolen someone else’s walkie-talkie and used it to broadcast the video. He could’ve used his own and broken it after the fact. It’s logical, every single bit, it’s common sense, and that doesn’t matter. They’re down to nitpicking a goddamn walkie-talkie because Rimes has no other way to defend himself: he had the means, the motive, the opportunity. He could be lying about anything and Phoenix wouldn’t know. Phoenix doesn’t know if Blackquill screws up his Psyche-Locks too but he probably does. “Mr Rimes,” Phoenix says, and he hears himself speaking louder than necessary to drown out the long, frustrated yell thrumming through the back of his skull. “I hope you realize a jury wouldn’t buy one second of this shit you’re spewing.”

“A jury,” Blackquill repeats, tonelessly, expressionlessly, and Phoenix almost has the naivety, for one flash of an instant, to think that this isn’t going to go somewhere that makes him want nothing more than to push the prosecution off the edge of an empty orca pool. “Perhaps this is the sort of situation you should have considered before you made a catastrophe of your own Jurist System, deciding you would rather it serve the cause of personal revenge than serious reform.”

He could argue. It would be easy to argue. He could say that reform takes time, and the public doesn’t trust the legal system as it currently stands, and that makes them expectedly cautious about said legal system’s plans for fixing itself from the inside; and that Edgeworth’s careful, wants more test cases, wants to know how a prosecutor not so stringently fighting for truth as Gavin could sway a jury far off-course, wants to see how juries that Phoenix hasn’t dropped an amnesiac dead woman into act, wants to make sure they do this right instead of just trying to do something immediate, so that another twenty years down the line they don’t have to fix it again.

And it would be the most difficult thing in the world to argue, because he knew, the day of Drew Misham’s death - Phoenix knew if he did that, this is what would be said about him, now until the end of everything. He knew and he went for it and how can he argue when he knew, when he barely survived a vote the committee took on whether he should stay on it at all, when they didn’t have to vote on whether he should be stripped of his chair because that was an easy decision to of course make; and how can he argue when he said it himself, to Apollo, when the kid asked if there was any progress being made, that this is how he knows he’s perceived. “Like I was using the whole project for personal revenge.” How can he argue against this perception when he doesn’t regret a damn thing.

And if he argued it wouldn’t matter at all, because Blackquill stacked the deck. He knows where to cut but doesn’t have any personal investment to care if there’s a lashing back. Phoenix could say anything and it won’t change Blackquill’s stance because Blackquill might not even believe what Blackquill is saying. He might not care what Phoenix did. He just knows where to get under his opponent’s skin, and this is one of Phoenix’s open wounds.

Somewhere up in the gallery there’s Edgeworth, Apollo, and are they sitting together with Trucy - do they not say anything because of her, or because Apollo’s still intimidated by Edgeworth, but do they exchange a glance, one that acknowledges and hates what Phoenix turned himself into? Does Edgeworth regret this now, watching the face-off between the two attorneys with blackened names who he’s trying to clear?

Phoenix says nothing, and Blackquill’s smirk widens,

And Athena is still furiously arguing with Rimes about who it is exactly who’s spewing bilge, the lawyers or the witness - Phoenix’s vote is on the witness for seeming to be trying to on-the-spot compose a diss track against Phoenix, stick to your day job, Rimes - like they’ve not even noticed the drama happening next to them. It means nothing to Athena, who barely knows about the Jurist System and Phoenix’s role in it, who certainly doesn’t know about where Phoenix stands at the intersection of the Mishams, Zak Gramarye, and Kristoph Gavin, because Athena doesn’t know any of them either. She just knows right here at this moment, Marlon Rimes is lying through his teeth, and she’s going to chew him out for it.

Is she accusing him of not even having broken his walkie-talkie in the first place? Bold strategy, probably not going to work out for her, but if she keeps talking Phoenix can stabilize himself and maybe figure out what’s actually happening while she’s stalling for time. He has to prove either when Rimes’ walkie-talkie broke or that he used someone else’s. If—

“Sure, I can prove t’ya that I broke my walkie-talkie - I’ve still got it with me - just not when—”

“Yes!” Phoenix slams his palm down on the bench. Athena jumps. “Please show that to the court!”

Taka swoops down and snatches the sword-shaped walkie-talkie from Rimes’ hand, whisking it off to the judge, the prosecution, and then, finally, landing and depositing it in front of the defense. Athena reaches tentatively for the walkie-talkie that the hawk remains perched on, gingerly trying to avoid its talons, and Taka opens its beak and lets out a horrible screech, right in Athena’s face, before flying off. “Damned bird,” Phoenix mutters, picking up the walkie-talkie and turning it over in his hands. Athena remains frozen for a moment longer, recoiled back from where Taka was. Then she leans over Phoenix’s arm to examine this latest piece of evidence with him.

The casing at the bottom, the part that constitutes the sword’s hilt, is cracked, some pieces of the plastic shattered off entirely. The backing to the battery casing is missing. Several large tooth marks arc across the gray blade part, also badly scuffed. “That’s a big bite,” Athena says. “Do you think it was Orla?”

Either her or Maya, and one of those looks way more likely for this case than the other. “Mr Rimes, this walkie-talkie does very much seem to be broken,” Phoenix says. “But I don’t believe it’s yours.”

The victim’s walkie-talkie has been missing since his death, missing in the photo of his body, and could easily have been broken in the fall. And his had the marks of Orla’s teeth in it, because it was Azura’s before he used it, Which means that Rimes’ actual walkie-talkie still could’ve been used, and this is the victim’s missing one, and the only person who had reason to steal the victim’s walkie-talkie would’ve been the killer trying his hardest to cover his trail.

Right?

Phoenix says this. Rimes claims that he’s had some run-ins with Orla that ended with her biting him and his walkie-talkie both.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Phoenix demands.

The judge slams his gavel down. “Mr Wright! I’ve tried to be lenient on account of how long it has been since you last stood in court, but if you continue to use this sort of language I will have no choice but to penalize you!”

“Sorry. I - sorry, Your Honor.” Phoenix inhales slowly and lets all of his breath out even slower. His client is counting on him to keep a level head. Athena is counting on him to keep a level head. “Mr Rimes, it really seems remarkable to me that you, who so hated Orla and wanted to be rid of her, would never make mention of the fact that she allegedly attacked you - that seems like a worrying behavior that should have been brought to someone’s attention if it actually happened, no?”

“Enough,” Blackquill says lazily. “The witness’ litany of terrible and incomprehensible choices are not on trial here - Sasha Buckler is. Either present to me some evidence of this walkie-talkie theft you insist upon, or allow His Baldness to finally render the verdict that seals the fate of your orca trainer.”

He laughs far too hard at that for it to be anything but a ghastly pun off of Sasha’s identity.

“Sasha’s innocent!” Rimes protests. Still, to the last, insisting on that. “Forget the orca! Let her walk the plank - just save Sasha!”

“I can’t do that, Mr Rimes.” Well - he could. That’s the thing, he could. But he’s sacrificed enough of his principles over the past years, and now that he’s here in court as a lawyer again: no more. No more of that. Sasha trusted him to get Orla found Not Guilty, and Sasha stands by that and is trusting him to stand by that while he defends her. He can’t break that trust. Fuck what anyone else thinks the truth of this case is, Phoenix is going to find the real one, and he’s going to save them both.

“Hey, Mr Wright,” Athena says. “I - okay first I think we need to come up with our own office rap/freestyle or song or pirate theme or something so that we can—”

“Nope,” Phoenix says. “What’s the next thing?”

“I noticed something weird about the bite marks, I’m not sure that it means anything, but…” She shrugs.

“Athena, we’re at the point where we have nothing else and I will make it mean something if it doesn’t actually yet mean something. What’ve you got?”

“Ah,” she says. “Right. We’re running out of half-baked bluffs.” Ouch. She’s really punching him in the pride today. “The bite marks are different, from this walkie-talkie here to the training dummy.” She brings up a photo of the dummy to display above the walkie-talkie. "There's a tooth missing in the bite from a year ago in the walkie-talkie, but not in the dummy, and Orla's not missing any teeth, is she?"

"And you wouldn't give an orca a prosthetic tooth. Do you have anything from Ms DePlume’s book scanned in, like that picture of Azura’s body? If we look at the walkie-talkie there too—”

“On it.”

So the tooth marks are different: if there was a tooth missing from the bite marks now, on the dummy, and a full set on the walkie-talkie a year ago, that would make sense. It would mean Orla had broken a tooth over the past year. But it’s the other way around, two variations on a bite mark - and two variations on the song, too, he remembers suddenly. Dr Crab told him to think about the song. Orla only knows one, Sasha said, but the whistle command from that video a year ago now has her singing a different song than the one in the video a year ago. Two contradictions, both of them a year ago and now. Wouldn’t Sasha have said if they taught Orla a knew song and overwrote the old one? Wouldn’t that be harder than teaching her a new song with a slightly different whistle command? Wouldn’t she get confused?

Phoenix is the confused one. But this has to mean something - Dr Crab wouldn’t have pointed out the songs if it didn’t. If he takes “Orla only knows how to sing the current Swashbuckler Spectacular song, the one Athena knows” as fact, and “a year ago, the orca sang a different song, the one DePlume knows” also as fact—

—then there couldn’t be two different orcas, could there? One missing a tooth, and one not? That’s goddamn absurd, a hell of a leap he’s taking now, but it fits the facts he has to take as fact—

—and Sasha said, what feels like forever ago, but was really two days ago when they met Orla, that her name is actually Ora but she only responds to Orla.

Because even if the aquarium was trying to pretend two orcas were one, if they were ever there in an overlapping time span, they wouldn’t both be trained to respond to the same name. It would get too confusing to refer to them by the same name.

Ora and Orla, two different orcas.

“Shit,” he says.

“Mr Wright,” the judge warns.

“Sorry! Sorry. Can I get a pass for just realizing something astonishing?” Something that’s going to upend half of this case, answers the remaining contradictions, and raises a thousand more questions outside of the case like “but why?” and also “but why?”

“Was this astonishing realization of yours that I am correct and you intend to finally give up insisting on the defendant’s innocence?” Blackquill asks with a smirk.

“You’re a dick.”

Blackquill, unfazed, laughs, but Phoenix still feels a little bit better for having said it. He’s wanted to say that to most prosecutors he’s known in court at least once, and finally, he’s gone for it. “Just hit me with that penalty, Your Honor. Now, what I’ve realized is that, this entire case, we’ve been making an assumption - and why wouldn’t we, no one who works for the aquarium has said otherwise.” Because maybe they actually, physically, can’t. “But these inconsistencies we keep running into make me think - Orla we know now, and the orca at the aquarium a year ago, are not the same orca. There’s not one, but two Ora Shipleys.”

Diving right into this revelation might mean the judge forgets to issue a penalty, because Rimes is shocked, and Blackquill disbelieving, and even Athena who noticed the bite marks surprised that this is the conclusion they’ve reached - and the judge calling for order and asking how there can be two different orcas in the same breath, contributing to the disorder he’s trying to end in the same breath. Different songs, different bite marks - and when Athena pulls up videos, the Swashbuckler Spectacular aired on tv the other morning, and one of Azura’s, they can see different teeth. In the video from a year ago, the orca, as expected, has a broken tooth on the front left side. Orla has a full mouth of perfect teeth.

“Ergo” - wait, did he really just say that, he hasn’t spoken to Edgeworth in like, a week, why’s he talking like this - “the tooth marks on this walkie-talkie cannot be from Orla, this walkie-talkie cannot be yours, and it was stolen from the victim, Jack Shipley. And the only person who would have had the opportunity to steal the walkie-talkie before the body was discovered is the culprit - is you, Marlon Rimes.”

“No!” Rimes clutches at the witness stand like it’s the only thing holding him upright, like his legs are going to give out if he doesn’t have that. “You’ve got it all wrong! It’s the orca’s fault! It’s—” He staggers. He can’t even stay upright now, doubled over the stand and clinging to it. “It’s - it’s the orca’s fault! She’s a killer!”

Phoenix remembers, again, the lack of Psyche-Locks. Rimes believes this, so strongly, that he dragged this out to its bitter end, sure that the orca killed Azura. Sure that she’s a killer, and Jack Shipley only died because he was trying to save her - might Rimes believe that’s her fault, too? Sure she deserved death, and Rimes was only trying to do what she deserved, and he wouldn’t have had to if she weren’t a killer then Jack Shipley wouldn’t have - and he’s dead and it’s her fault, right?

(And Phoenix might be years past I did not kill Juan Corrida, can spot locks for secrets that lie beneath technical truths, but it shouldn’t surprise him that he still trips on the half-truths. It’s a fae blessing and that’s true to the fae. They’re squidgy, the locks, much like secrets and truths are. It’s like a metaphor except it’s being an actual physical issue to him. Metaphysical issue? He still hasn’t asked Pearl if she knows what the black locks mean. He’s spent enough time hung up on Kristoph.)

“She’s a - a—” Rimes slumps off the stand, sinking to the floor, leaning against its wooden bars. “Why I am still too weak to help anyone?”

That isn’t a confession yet but it’s something close, and Rimes finally done fighting, all the desperate protestations bled out of him. The judge clears his throat. “Ms Buckler,” he says. “Is Mr Wright’s claim true? Are there two orcas?”

“I, uh…” Sasha stands up from her chair, takes one step, and stops, and takes a step back toward the chair, twisting the cord of her whistle around her finger. “Well, I didn’t tell you that, Phoenix - you figured it out, so I guess I can say, yeah, there used to be two orcas at the aquarium. Ora and Orla.”

Well, shit.

“They were sisters. They were rescued by the captain when they were beached on shore” - Phoenix remembers this story, but only about Orla - “a few years back. Ora was fine, but Orla was in really bad shape and it took a long time of Dr Crab looking after her to get her back to health. And Ora didn’t want to leave her, and after they’d been here for so long, they loved the captain, they didn’t want to leave, and we kept them on at the aquarium. Ora was the one who performed in the pirate shows, since while Orla was recovering, she started learning tricks, but after - after Azura’s death a year ago, Ora was put down. The Center for Dangerous Animal Control demanded it.” She looks back down at her hands. “The captain and the doctor begged them to leave Orla alone, and then we put Orla in the pirate show, acting as Ora. But she couldn’t figure out how to sing the same song her sister did, so we had to write an entirely new one based around how she ‘sang’.”

“And why did you say nothing of there being two orcas?” Blackquill asks.

“Wouldn’t that have been an easy way to get Norma DePlume to stop coming around?” Phoenix asks. “Just tell her that there’s two orcas, and this new one is using the stage name of the old and is obviously not a killer.”

Sasha sighs. “I don’t - I don’t quite know. The captain wanted us to keep quiet about it ‘till he thought the time was right - there were only a few of us who knew about Orla, since she was never on view for the public, just a couple of us worked with her, me and Azura and the captain and Dr Crab. The captain made us, me and the doctor, swear we wouldn’t say anything. So I couldn’t say anything.” She shrugs. The magic in the swearing is obviously implied, the same way Dr Crab said he was bound and could only hint. “I think - he had to put Ora down because the CDAC wouldn’t ever get off our backs, but he knew she didn’t kill Azura and telling everyone that we had a new orca was just - admitting it? Admitting the old one killed Azura? That’s how it would’ve felt to me anyway. But the captain, he had such a presence that, some people just, even if you don’t know why they’re doing something, they’ve got such confidence and you trust them and you do what they ask because you know they’ve got reason somehow even if it’s weird? Jack was like that.”

Athena is nodding beside Phoenix and he hopes she’s not thinking of him. She probably is.

“So Mr Rimes had no idea that there were two orcas?”

Rimes has managed to stand again, and was staring at Sasha with haunted eyes, but with attention turned back to him he slumps, his posture so collapsed that he’s again about the height he was before his transformation. “No.” His voice cracks. “How would I?”

“Was the entire reason you came to work at the Shipshape Aquarium to try and kill Orla?” Phoenix asks.

Rimes nods. “Azura told me all the time about the other girl who worked with the orca, how much they loved that orca, and how much Azura loved this friend who was like a sister.” Sasha hastily swipes her hand across her eyes. “I couldn’t do a thing to help Azura so I thought if maybe I could make sure to protect her friend - maybe then I could live with myself. And I came here and saw Sasha trusts that orca as much as Azura did and I was so afraid—” He takes a loud, shuddering breath. “When I started bein’ sure about my plan, that next time I’d help I’d drain the pool, I was afraid I might have t’fight the orca, or pull its jaws off of someone or myself, or something and I made a deal, for strength, I thought so that this time I…”

Blackquill shakes his head. His eyes flash; maybe it’s the light and angle of his head, or maybe again they really do turn silver. “You blighted fool. And Jack Shipley discovered you as you enacted this plan, and that is why—” He tilts his head slightly to the side. “You killed him?” Frowning, he lowers his head. “Ah, of course. The note with the autopsy report. The strange bruising around the victim’s wrist that was Marlon Rimes’ handprint. Now I see - it was left during a fight with the victim.”

Rimes’ handprint, but just one, on one of the victim’s arms. Wouldn’t it make more sense to fight with two hands, that there would be some other mark? What was Rimes doing with the other hand, trying to turn the water back off, trying to grab some weapon - somehow leaving that weird single handprint on the pool ladder, that Pearl found while going wild with fingerprint powder?

“It wasn’t the orca who killed him,” Rimes says softly, like it’s a sudden final revelation even to him. “It was me. I killed him. Just give Sasha her ‘Not Guilty’ and me the death penalty. I don’t care anymore.”

Is there still a piece missing here?

“Finally accepting your defeat, I see,” Blackquill says. “Very well. You, to hell, and Your Baldness, your verdict.”

“It would seem that this very much…” The judge pauses for a moment, considering a way to describe it. “Unprecedented sequence of trials has come to a close. If there are no final objections, this court finds the defendant—”

“Wait,” Phoenix says. The courtroom goes dead, and he’s not even sure he breathes for a moment. “Not - I don’t have any objections to the verdict on Ms Buckler!” he adds hastily, assuaging the expressions of horror that appear on Sasha and Athena’s faces, and even narrow-eyes confusion on Blackquill’s. “But - but before Mr Rimes goes, I think - I think we still don’t quite have the full story yet.” And he knows how this works. If a crime is proven in the course of trying someone else, it’s that evidence that takes the new culprit to trial, that and nothing more. It’s enough to exonerate the first defendant, so it’s enough to convict the second. No further investigation needed. Rimes is confessing now; there’s all this evidence established against him. It will be open and shut, no other scenario considered, unless Phoenix does something here, now, with what he has, examines the last possible angle.

(Or unless he takes up Rimes’ defense, which he isn’t averse to, but he might as well establish this now.)

“This new evidence the prosecution has brought still hasn’t been fully examined, and I don’t think we’ve revealed the full truth of the matter yet.”

Blackquill’s glare doesn’t lessen in the slightest. “Your client is about to be declared ‘Not Guilty’ - you have defended her and the orca both! What more can you possibly think to be doing?”

He swore that he would save both Sasha and Orla. Now, he supposes, he’s trying to save everyone. Everyone but the dead. “There’s evidence that, in the course of our investigation, we also didn’t know how it fit with anything else. Athena, can you project for the court a picture of those fingerprints Pearl found?”

He waits a moment, gives the judge and prosecution time to examine the prints and Athena’s mock-up of how it would look to hold the ladder in that way. “This was Rimes’ handprint, grasping the ladder from above. And we also have his handprint tightly grasped around the victim’s wrist. I submit to the court the possibility that these two prints were left at the same time - that these events happened in the same time. And if Rimes, above the empty pool, were leaning out from the ladder, and holding the victim’s wrist in such a way—”

Blackquill gets it first, recoils; even his mask of condescension slips. “But that would mean that he—!”

Phoenix nods. “Yes. Marlon Rimes was trying to save the victim. This wasn’t a murder - this was an accident.”

#in this fic the amount of overarching plot arc relevance a case has is inversely proportional to how long the casefic chapters are #as this is a dlc case its chapters are all 15k and it will immediately cease to be mentioned three chapters out from its end #conversely the entirety of cosmic turnabout will be three sentences of apollo dissociating hope y'all are ready for that #fic: the witches of los angeles #roddy fanfics

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thedupshadove · 5 years

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G-d of My Father’s

Summary: An interesting fact about Newton Pulsifer comes further to light. Newt, as usual, frets.

Author’s Note: This was sort of written to be set within @jewish-kulindadromeus “HaSofer”, but I’m over-eager, which means that only Chapter One of that fic is actually up as I write this, which means that further chapters of that fic may render this one incompatible with it, which is fine as that author is within her rights to write whatever kind of story she wants, seeing how we’re not actually working together.

“Say,” said Crowley after the sixth time Newt overheard him giving Aziraphale some Judaism 101 lesson and interjected with a helpful clarification, extra information, or his own view on things only to hastily shut himself up, “how come you know all this? I remember asking you if you were Jewish and you said no.” In fact Newt had looked at the ceiling, stammered a bit, pulled his mouth into a thin Muppety line, rubbed the back of his neck, and then said no, but Crowley hadn’t given that much thought at the time, since that was barely more awkwardness than Newt tended to display when asked to make a definitive statement on anything. “What, did an old girlfriend teach you?”

“His current girlfriend could have taught him.” said Anathema pointedly, walking into the room. “Although I suppose if that were it he’d wax fondly about boyoz instead of babka.”

“No,” Newt finally forced out after exhaling the breath he’d been holding in since Crowley had started addressing him. “No, it…it wasn’t any girlfriend. It was, er, well it’s all stuff I picked up from my father’s old synagogue.”

“Uh-huh.” said Crowley in a much-is-becoming-clear-to-me voice. “Your father’s old synagogue. Your mother, I take it, not having one.”

“Right.”

“And may I further hazard a guess that your father, family obligations aside, is not what one would call a pious man?”

“Oh, completely non-observant. And pretty well atheist too. Since well before he met my mum, mind, so don’t go blaming her.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it” Crowley deadpanned. “So, you were dragged to the synagogue sometimes, probably mostly for b’nai mitzvahs, and couldn’t help but absorb a few things. I see.” He made as if to turn back to Aziraphale.

But Newt suddenly looked distressed and a little defensive. “Well I wouldn’t say dragged.” he protested. “I mean they didn’t have to drag me. Why would they? It was something special, something wonderful. A day to be spent surrounded by relatives, plenty of whom I didn’t see very often. Getting to see some cousin have a shining moment. Good food, good music, good conversation, us kids sneaking off to go exploring or play hide-and-seek during the reception, what wasn’t to look forward to?”

“Alright, alright, I apologize.” said Crowley, seemingly a little taken aback.

But Newt seemed now to feel that not enough had been said. “And it wasn’t just b’nai mitzvahs either. I mean there were a lot of those, but there were some weddings too, and of course a few funerals. Those obviously weren’t fun, per se, but they were…good. In a way. Like, if this relative was going to die, I’d much rather that we’d all gathered and done this funeral than if we hadn’t. When I first heard that my grandfather had died I was just…numb, and it wasn’t until we were all standing around the grave and it was my turn to shovel in some dirt that I think it really hit home. And that was a good situation to have that happen in, I think. And we would go to the Seders at my aunt’s house pretty regularly.”

That made sense, Crowley reflected. If there was any one holiday that even the most secular Jew might go home for, it would be Passover, being not only very major and important but also placing such an emphasis on family and gathering and togetherness. And food and drink and storytelling and, if you do it right, laughter.

“I even…” some of Newt’s natural state of embarrassment seemed to have caught up with him again, but he soldiered on, powered by some inner spring of…something that needed to get out. “I even did the Four Questions a couple of times, until the cousins younger than me started getting old enough to take their turns doing it. But I remember my Dad teaching me how in the weeks before the holiday. Took me forever to get it right: I kept forgetting myself and using a soft ‘ch’.

“And sometimes Dad and I would just…talk about it. I mean, he didn’t keep any of the practices or rituals anymore except at family things, but I never got the impression that he, you know, really hated it now or anything. I would want to know something about what’s this holiday or why that rule or how come this is kosher but that isn’t, and he would tell me, and he never seemed to mind. Even seemed to kind of enjoy it. Not, I figure, from belief surging anew but,” Newt shrugged, “nostalgia, you know. And often that question led to other questions, and discussions, and sort of…arguments but without anger. I remember one time, after he’d got done explaining that ‘animals that walked on the ground’ had to have the right kind of hooves and the right kind of chewing habits, but any kind of bird was okay, I pointed out that perhaps our ancestors had not made a close examination of the usual behavior of the average chicken, and he,” Newt made an upward striking motion with his hand.

“He hit you?” Aziraphale gasped, shocked both at the sudden turn of the story and the fact that Newt’s tone hadn’t changed with it.

“What? No, no, no.” Newt said hastily, realizing his failure of communication. “He pantomimed dope-slapping me, but he didn’t actually make contact, and he was smiling. Smiling like he would sometimes when we had those talks. Like I was the biggest little smart-arse he’d ever met, and he loved me for it.” Newt was smiling too, now, bathed in his own nostalgic glow.

“Did he ever start one of these talks?” asked Crowley.

“Not often, no. The only times I can think of when he did were when they tried to teach us something about Judaism in school, and I’d come home and tell him about it, and it turned out school had got it wrong, or not given the whole picture.”

“So you grew up with Jewish family, going to Jewish events, celebrating (some) Jewish holidays, and getting a Jewish education at home pretty much for the asking.” Crowley clarified.

“That’s about the size of it, yeah.”

“But you’re not Jewish.”

“Well I’m not, am I?” Newt shrugged in agitation. “There’s a set of criteria, and I fall outside it.”

“Love,” said Anathema gently, “There’s been a lot of talk lately about reconsidering how strictly the matriliniality rule needs to be adhered to…”

“Yes, yes, I know about that. And it would be one thing if my immediate family really practiced Judaism regularly, or if I’d been bar mitzvahed myself, or anything like that, but we didn’t, and I wasn’t, so I’m not.”

“Well, that must be a relief then.” said Crowley, in a tone that could have pickled meat.

Newt stared at him. “What?”

“To have that escape clause.” he went on nastily. “I can understand why you would want it. Historically speaking, being Jewish has rarely been easy. Why be part of a weird minority if you don’t have to? So yes, you just go ahead and lean on that mother of yours. No one would blame you for pushing the…oddities of your heritage and past under the rug. No, don’t worry; you don’t have to be Jewish if you don’t want to be.”

Newt stood slack-jawed for a moment, then exploded. “Don’t say that, how dare you say that?” he demanded, with far more heat than it probably should have been safe to direct at a being like Crowley. “Haven’t you been listening? The times I spent…” he fumbled for words “…in Judaism have consistently been some of the happiest of my life. Laughter and connection and this…this feeling that I never got anywhere else. A feeling of warmth, of rightness. It was almost like believing in something. Not in G-d, maybe, but sometimes, even if it got more fleeting and less strong as I grew older and started to really understand the kind of half-breed hanger-on I was, sometimes, I believed that I belonged.

“And as to your veiled references to the fluctuating but ever-present antisemitism or just simple ignorance of mainstream society, trust me, I know. When I was younger it was listening to a classmate confidently explain to her friends that Jews weren’t allowed to eat leavened bread at all, ever, and not having the courage to interrupt the conversation and correct her, and more recently, it’s been these three co-workers at United Holdings who I can only assume think they’re funny. Or possibly they think that they can get away with it if they pretend to think they’re funny, which, to be fair, so far they have. But I get to listen to them gathered around the water cooler across from my cubicle making Lynch-The-Black jokes and Gas-The-Jew jokes, and they both make me angry, but the second category undeniably hits a deeper, more personal well of anger than the first.”

Here he paused. “I’m not…proud of that, by the way. It would almost certainly be better if every cruel or bigoted joke I heard hit me just as hard as the ones that make me picture my father and my aunt and my closest cousin and my new little second cousin being dispassionately yet hatefully murdered. But that’s not how my mind works. I would even hazard to say that it’s not how most people’s minds work.”

Crowley, who had withstood the storm with equanimity, leaned in closer and raised his voice a hair. “So are you Jewish or aren’t you?”

“I-DON’T-KNOW!”

“Because it seems to me that your position right now is that people who tell you that you’re Jewish are wrong, and people who tell you that you’re not Jewish…are wrong.”

“Well…maybe! Maybe they are both wrong!”

Crowley’s voice gentled a little. “Then what’s right?”

Newt sighed and deflated. “What’s right is…that I can’t say I’m Jewish. But I’m definitely not not Jewish. And sometimes I feel closer to it than other times. And sometimes I can manage to be sort of okay with this ebb-and-flow relationship, and then sometimes I want to be really Jewish so badly my teeth hurt.”

For a moment, Crowley looked distinctly like he’d just gotten exactly what he was looking for. “Then why don’t you do something about that?”

Newt blushed again. “Because…because I never know where to start. Because even if I knew enough to just jump in and start doing more, it would feel wrong of me to decide that I was allowed to do so. But trying official conversion, and having to explain my particular position to a Rabbi, always seemed to promise its own stew of awkwardness. So I’ve just…sat with this uncertainty. For years.”

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley, and an awful lot seemed to pass between them in quite a short time. “I think,” the Angel then said, “that I should quite like to have a classmate. Someone to collaborate with on homework. Someone to gang up on the teacher with, if need be.”– Crowley put his hand to his forehead in mock horror– “An extra brain to keep things interesting. If you think you can stand to bring yourself down to my level–”

“Oh, there’s loads I don’t know.” Newt interjected. “My ‘Jewish education’, such as it was, was incredibly piecemeal and haphazard, really just getting answers to questions I happened to think to ask. I’m sure that plenty of the basics will be new to me. Heck, you’re an immortal angel; you probably know a lot of things that I don’t.”

“Then we’ll make perfect complementary students, won’t we? Will you join us?”

And so, shaking almost imperceptibly, Newt sat down.

#good omens #good omens 2019 #good omens is jewish and so am i #newton pulsifer #Anthony Crowley #anathema device #Aziraphale

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spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia · 5 years

Text

“Forgiveness”: A Ducktales Fanfic with Lena

Dedicated to lenasmagic, a blog on Tumblr.

“Gary, are you SURE you haven’t forgotten anything?”, Pricilla asked with that tone that implied that she was 100 % sure that Gary had most DEFINITELY forgotten something.

Gary rolled his eyes as he approached the pod door of his golden spacecraft that shined and glowed in the bright noon day sun.

“Pricilla, for the last time, I HAVEN’T forgotten anything!”, he complained, fishing in his golden pockets, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

“Really?”, she asked in disbelief, hands on her hips. She was taller than him, so it always gave him the impression that she was disappointed in him when she did that.

He was right.

“I’m telling you, I haven’t forgotten…”, Gary started, when suddenly it snapped and he realized that…

“…The keys.”, he sighed, resigned to his fate.

Pricilla closed her eyes, triumphant. “Yes, the keys. I told you so.”

“Hey, uh, your keys are here.”, a different voice suddenly rose up from the crowd of moonpeople walking around looking for their earthly… Or, well, moonly possessions.

You’d think that spotting a voice in a crowd of blue and purple aliens clad in golden armor would be difficult.

But hard as she tried, Lena Saberwing (formerly Lena De Spell, niece of one of the most evil people to ever live, but who’s thinking about that) couldn’t NOT stand out.

The teen duck with pink dyed hair that heavily contrasted with her mood, a black and grey striped shirt over a mint collared shirt that gave her a very different feel to the more simply dressed inhabitants of the planet, and most noticeably, purple eyeshadow that gave her a haunting or haunted look, depending on your perspective, stood in front of the moon people, a golden key chain in the palm of her hand.

If Gary and Pricilla knew the years of pain, suffering, self hatred and resentment buried deep in those black black pupils, they may have taken pity on the young girl, who held aloft their way back home.

But Gary and Pricilla didn’t, and space traffic WAS busy this time of year.

“Give me that!”, Gary snatched the keys, momentarily scraping Lena’s feathered palm, making her recoil for a second.

“What you deserve…”, a voice whispered, as it always did when she got hurt.

She had learned to mostly tune it out.

…Mostly.

“Hey!”, she protested, annoyed at the shabby treatment. “How about a thank you? I just helped you get off this crummy planet.”

Pricilla waved Lena’s protests off, as if they were some annoying fly or something, and not a living, breathing person… Er, Duck, in front of her.

“Whatever, young one. Let’s get out of here, Gary.”

Gary unlocked the pod and mumbled under his breath as Pricilla entered their craft.

“Gary do this, Gary do that…”, he muttered, and he lumbered inside, the door closing and the shuttle flying off into the deep unknown of space.

Gone.

Forever.

“Good riddance.”, Lena thought, and she frowned at the departing space crafts, all of which had moments ago been trying to kill her and all her friends.

Her family.

Her only family.

And they were going off scot free!

She kicked a pebble with her left green and white sneaker, annoyed at the injustice of it all!

What if someone she cared for had been hurt by these monsters?

Someone like Scrooge McDuck, or Mrs. Beakley, whom had given her another chance after all the damage she had caused?

Or someone closer to her, like her new friends Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck?

Or even worse: Her new adopted sister and lovable pain in the butt Violet Saberwing?

And Violet’s dads…

Correction: Her dads.

…Her dads. That felt… Weird.

And worst of all: What if Webby had been hurt?

Her best friend had been at the thick of the fighting, literally part of Earth’s last defense!

“But…”, Lena admitted, as she walked up to a hill overseeing the moon men spaceships. “I can’t exactly criticize others for nearly hurting my friends and family.”

Lena shivered for a moment as she got another intense flashback: A regular occurrence, but never a pleasant one.

“After all… I nearly did too.”

Oh no. She was sinking again.

And she was hearing a weird sound again.

One negative thought leads to another. Soon she’d be thinking about lying to Webby about their friendship, which would be followed by trying to steal Scrooge’s number one dime, followed by losing her body to her “loving” Aunt Magica, followed by being trapped for a YEAR as a shadow, followed by almost becoming Magica…

Lena suddenly realized that the weird sound she was hearing was her own hyperventilating, and, not wanting anyone to see, she clasped her beak with her right wind and clenched her left wing’s fist, hoping that she could force it out.

It didn’t really work, but thankfully, a distraction arose.

“So… Moon people.”

Lena had heard many distinct sounds in her life, but perhaps the driest (and right now, most thankfully distracting) sound she had ever heard was the voice of Violet Saberwing, her aforementioned adopted sister/giant pain.

Lena smiled in relief as she approached the hummingbird with a mint green shirt and average expression (though Lena had lived with her enough time to know that there was a small smile that was only reserved for her), and the two sisters stood face to face… Sort of.

Lena was very tall.

“Should that be something I should be worried about? Most kids my age are around her height.”, Lena thought, and she cringed. “Am I seriously getting angsty over my height as well?”

Violet nodded at the disappearing space craft with an educated sniff. “Must say, not only did I think that no one lived on the moon, but I didn’t think they’d be such…”

“Jerks?”, Lena offered, still frustrated with their behavior and conduct.

“I was going to say inhospitable invaders, but sure, jerks in laymans terms works too.”, Violet dryly joked (at least, Lena thought it was a joke. You could never tell with Violet).

The two stood in silence for a moment as the ships continued to lazily leave. There were MANY, MANY ships, so the evacuation would take some time.

Some people, like Lena and Violet, opted to stand and watch the ships go by. There were even those who sat on the grass and ate sandwiches, waving goodbye to the would be conquerors.

Others, though, were preparing to leave back to their homes and their sort of but not really normal lives.

Off the corner of her left eye, Lena spotted the McDuck family entering a number of sleek black limosuines.

She could see Scrooge, Webby still clinging to his chest, stepping in to the vehicle, or at least, trying to, since Dewey tried to backflip in.

She couldn’t hear anything, but she didn’t need to to see Scrooge humorously chide the energetic boy, or Webby giggle that lovable laugh of hers.

Huey was excitedly jotting down something in his Junior Woodchuck guide book (for sure all the “thrilling” moon facts he had learned in the last few hours), Della and Donald were laughing together for the first time in a decade, and Launchpad was trying to reattach the car door he had just broken.

Lena could see multiple faces in that crowd, faces she sort of recognized from the last few days, like that Darkwing what’s his name, and Gizmoduck, or faces that she had known for a long time, like Mrs. Beakly and Duckworth.

There were even faces she was only vaguely aware of, like Qucakfast and Gyro Gearloose.

But even those she didn’t recognize made her feel almost…

At home.

Like they were all one big family.

But Lena was honestly unsure if she could ever belong to that family.

What with…

“No!”, She demanded, furious with her mind. “No, I DON’T want to think about this!”

“I’m better now…”, she said to herself, but less assuredly.

For a few minutes, Lena and Violet sat silently as the ships departed, saying nothing, Lena lost in her thoughts, Violet trying her best not to think about the fact that her adopted sister was clearly suffering again.

Finally, Violet stood up and clicked her tongue.

“Welp, I’ve had all the fun one can possibly have from watching aliens enter spaceships.”

“Zero?”, Lena asked with half a smirk, looking up at her new little sister.

Violet again unleashed that small smile that only Lena got. “Around that amount.”

She looked back at her dads, who were waving at her next to the mini.

“Dad and Dad want us to come home and have a “Post Moonvasion Goulash”.”

“What the heck is that?”, Lena asked, humor laced in her words.

“Whatever it is, it’s going into our beaks. But they’re good cooks, so…”, Violet shrugged, and she started walking out.

Suddenly, she looked back at Lena, whose back was hunched and her shoulders were slumped as she stared at the lonely wet grass.

“…You… You coming?”

Hesitation could be heard, a rarity from Violet.

Not much phased the girl; she was a bit of an emotionless girl (which worried her fathers endlessly, much to her chargin).

However, if there was one thing that upset the bookworm, it was the sight of her new older sister depressed yet again.

Violet, however, was a smart kid; she knew that she wouldn’t be able to talk to Lena yet.

And if anyone could, they’d have to be particularly stubborn.

Violet knew that right now, that wasn’t her.

But she still asked an empty question, one she knew the answer to, hoping against hope that Lena would just come instead of spend the next few hours…

“You go ahead. I’ll… I’ll catch up.”, Lena breathed out breathlessly, her voice as distant as the moon that had brought upon her mood.

Violet nodded, knowing that this was to be the answer. “All right.”

She turned her back to Lena, half a sad look back.

“I’ll… I’ll keep a seat warm for you if you want to play Smash Bros.”

Lena nodded wordlessly.

“Cool.”, Violet remarked, and sighing, she began to walk up to her dads, trying to calculate how she would explain to her dads that Lena needed to feel bad again.

And for now…

Lena was alone.

Like always…

Lena was alone.

As she would always be…

Lena. Was.

Alone.

A light breeze blew gently, tickling her beak, making her wrinkle it.

Her eyes closed as she tried to breath deeply like Mrs. Beakly had suggested once.

Breath deeply, count to ten, and try to ignore the all encompassing guilt of existing.

Easier said then done.

But Lena never did do things easily, now did she?

Entering a lotus position (sort of. She needed to work on that, it wasn’t easy), Lena tried to focus only on good things.

“The past is behind me. The past is… Behind me.”, she said, shivering as she tried to ignore.

She tried SO HARD.

And she was SO TIRED.

“Think… About what you have.”, she said to herself, and she breathed deeply.

The wind blew through her hair, and she thought of Violet.

“I have a sister… And I have two dads. That’s cool. Some people have no dads. I’ve got two. Beat that.”

She took another deep breath, her words unsure.

“I have… Mrs. Beakly and Scrooge and Donald and Della and Launchpad looking after me. And I have Huey, Dewey and Louie.”

She took another deep breath, trying to ignore the terrifying feeling of inevitable depression.

“I have… Webby…”

She imagined herself grabbing hold of Webby’s hand, the friendship bracelets glowing…

Only for a strange yet familiar hand to grip her arm hard, removing the friendship bracelet in the process.

“Ow!”, Lena cried, and suddenly she saw herself back at the beach, contacting Aunt Magica.

“Aunt Magica…”, she had whispered, almost triumphantly. “I’m in.”

“This… Is your fault…”, a voice whispered.

Lena’s eyes widened and she turned to the voice, the waves crashing oddly muted, but her heartbeat pounding like a rocket launch in her ear. “Who said that? I’m… It’s not my…”

Suddenly she got smacked by an invisible hand, which flung her somewhere else.

Somewhere dark and cold.

“IT IS YOUR FAULT!”, the voice screeched, echoing and disappearing suddenly.

Turning around, Lena saw herself underground, lying to Mrs. Beakly over her allegiance.

“You lied…”

Lena looked around, searching for the voice that wasn’t there, yet also was.

“No I didn’t! I mean, I did, it’s just…”

“SILENCE!”, she got hit again, her beak throbbing now, forced tears dropping, lying on the ground, completely helpless.

“No… I…”

Suddenly she heard the tracks and the whistle.

The train was going to hit Beakly, just like last time.

“Beakly, look out!”, Lena screamed, but when she jumped at Beakly, she got hit by the train.

Waking up, she found herself in the shark she had created.

She had created.

Her fault.

Her fault

Her fau…

“Shut up!”, she shouted, eyes closed shut, but it wasn’t enough. The fingers kept pointing, pointing, pointing, changing, transforming, until they became…

“We’re friends, you beautiful idiot! I don’t care what you did!”

Lena wanted to believe that.

She HAD to believe that, it had to be true!

“Look at what you did for a body…”, the voice whispered again, leaving feedback in her ears, but Lena didn’t have time for guilt!

She had to save Webby and herself!

Sliding down like she had, she chanted “With the hand of my best friend…”

Lena glowed blue like she had then, and she could see Webby falling.

An excited smile popped on her face, redemption was right there for the taking!

“I bring about…”

But as she reached towards Webby, the invisible hand choked her, lifting her up from the ground.

Lena grasped and throttled, barely calling out Webby’s name as the duckling fell down and down and down and down…

“WEBBY!”, she screamed, tears falling, her vocal chords nearly damaged, as she got dropped down to the ground…

“TAKE. THE. DIME!”

And here she was, in the other bin, Scrooge’s fabled Number One Dime almost at her grasp, Aunt Magica ordering, demanding her to seal the world’s fate…

Her hand slowly and surely reached…

“NO!”, Lena screamed, taking her hand away, but the invisible hand pulled her back towards it.

A tug of war occurred, Lena desperately trying to go away from the coin, the invisible hand dragging her back.

“Hands off of me, you… Hand!”, Lena shouted, and with a swift tug, she got out of the hands grasp and rolled away just in time to…

It glinted in her palm, just like last time.

“…Oh no…”, Lena whispered, failing to believe that she had done it.

“But why is it so hard to believe, Lena?”, the voice echoed in her mind as she went to her knees and held her head in fear, shame and panic.

“After all…”

Webby’s body fell from the money shark down to the ground next to her.

“WEBBY! Are you all…”

But Lena couldn’t finish the question. As she turned her friend around, the haunting image of a Webby doll stared right back at her.

Lena backed away in fright, barely reaching the wall behind her, gasping and hyperventilating.

“STOP IT! LET MY FRIEND GO!”, Lena screamed at the invisible hand.

“Stop what? What you’ve been doing?”

Another smack and Lena found herself in Magica’s hands, the witch’s face turning into her own, maliciously grinning at her.

“You’ve been using her, pulling her strings…”

Lena tried to escape, but the invisible hands held her tighter as Magica forcibly entered her soul and…

All was black.

All was lost.

Her eyes, her mind, her heart…

Poisoned to the core.

And here she was in the mansion.

Nearly destroying Scrooge’s life, the once great man laying distraught on the ground.

“Mr. McDuck? You don’t have to…”, Lena tried again to help, but the shadows came tumbling down around her, a vortex opening between her feet.

“It’s your fault they almost DIED!”

A kick to the chest nearly stopped her heart and her eyes rolled up to her head and…

Silence.

Shadows.

Nothing.

Seconds turn to minutes turn to hours turn to days turn to weeks turn to months…

“YOU HURT BEAKLEY!”

A punch like a train collided with her beak.

She tasted blood in her mouth and recoiled.

“YOU HURT SCROOGE!”

Her knees tripped and she smashed down to the ground, coughing out blood, her arms wobbling as she tried to stand up.

“YOU HURT THE McDUCK CLAN! YOUR CLOSEST THING TO A FAMILY!”

Multiple punches, kicks, pokes in the eye, scratches and slaps collided, hurt everywhere and nowhere, instantaneous and everlasting, inducing hot tears of shame that melted her face, retching out her soul.

The ethereal brightly lit soul, looking like Webby, reached out her hand, and Lean, desperate for redemption, reached out her hand in return.

The friendship bracelets returned, glowing brightly, Lena’s smile returning with joyful tears, hope seemingly back…

When Webby reached in and removed her heart.

“YOU HURT ME!”, Webby screeched, and pushed her off a cliff, Lena knowing she deserved it…

“No… That’s not true… It’s… Not my…”

Wake up.

Go to sleep.

Wake down.

Go to rest.

Wake on.

Go to the light.

Wake off…

DOWN TO THE DARK.

Lena crashed down, eyes braced for impact, only to be caught by…

“Violet?”, Lena asked, Violet right there, as ever, holding her back.

Lena burst into tears and cheered, nearly squishing Violet.

She smiled gratefully as her tears made Violet’s shirt wet, the hummingbird still silent.

“Violet! Oh my god, thank goodness you’re here! I almost…”

“ALMOST WHAT? HURT VIOLET?”, The voice returned, and Lena got held back as Violet was moved away, her eyes blank and lifeless, next to Webby, her Dads, Huey, Dewey, Lewie, Scrooge, Mrs. Beakley, Donald, Della, Launchpad…

“NO! I’D NEVER!”, Lena screamed back, when suddenly she saw a giant hand reach to hurt her family.

“STOP!”, She ordered, and she shot a blinding magic blast, purple light fizzing everywhere, sparks entering her eyes.

But at least the blast…

“…No…”, she mouthed, as she saw…

Empty eyes…

Limp hands…

Cold, unmoving bodies…

They were…

Dead…

“Because of you…”, the invisible voice whispered, this time almost gently.

Lena sobbed and sobbed as she got to her knees and held her face in her hands, crying tears, crying black magic, crying blood…

“Your fault… You killed them… You always did… It was you… From the very beginning…”

Lena suddenly felt herself changing, yet somehow staying the same…

She felt different, yet familiar…

A mirror was propped up between her and a wall, and Lena looked in to see…

“YOU were the villain.”

Magica’s face stared back at her, cackling.

Lena screamed, and anger and rage consuming her, she shouted “THAT’S. NOT. ME!”

She punched the mirror, but instead of the glass shattering, Magica’s face shattered, turning into…

“Me.”, she breathed out.

“You’re right, Lena…”,the voice said, taking shape as…

“You’re not Magica…”

Lena turned around to see…

Herself.

“You’re you.”

Lena stared back at the other Lena and vice versa.

The first looked like Lena always did, but the second was… different.

Her tears were black, her eyes were soulless, and her body was scarred beyond repair…

For some reason, Lena felt compelled to touch the other Lena’s hand…

So she stepped towards her…

And…

The two put their palms together…

“You’re you…”

Lena, smiling bravely despite it all, tried to wipe the black tears off of the other Lena…

WHOOSH!

It took a moment for Lena to realize that the weird wet thing she felt on her shirt was blood…

Spewing and gushing down from a gaping hole in her heart…

A diamond knife twisting harder and harder into her chest…

The other Lena crying and laughing, smiling and frowning, joyful and distraught…

“You’re you…”, the other Lena said…

“And that’s even worse than Magica.”

Lena tried to speak but no words formed.

The other Lena suddenly pushed Lena off the cliff, her family suddenly appearing, waving goodbye as she soared down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down no hope no hope all is lost all is lost it’s over it’s over I’m lost I’m lost life lost life lost love torn love gone love lost love found love taken pain granted wishes of pain slit and desist and stop and never come back the guilt is you and you are the guilt and your actions never lose their impact you try to swim but you sink because the depths of your shame know no limit and the folly of redemption is but a tick an illusion a n empty promise like your meaningless existence daring you to be anything more than what you are but you know you can’t because to your great and everlasting fault you are no one but…

“Me”

But just before Lena can finally sink to the bottom of the sea and gain everything by losing it all…

“Hey, Lena.”

Violently waking up, as if nothing had happened, Lena gasps and turns around suddenly, the voice now not belonging to herself but to…

Louie Duck.

“…Sup?”

Lena takes a moment to visualize her surroundings.

The Moon men ships are soaring in the sky, the grass is blowing softly near her feet and Louis is standing next to her, hands in his pockets.

The nightmare is over. She really is back.

But was that a good thing?

Right now, though, she didn’t have time to process the raw trauma she had just experience, since Louie was next to her, and she wanted to get rid of him before he caught on.

Taking a deep breath and trying her best to hide the terror and resignation from her voice, Lena said “…Hey Louie.”

Louie kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, a blank expression on his face.

It was hard to tell what he was really feeling, and usually that blank expression was accurate, but one got the feeling that this time it was an act.

“So… You watching the moon people leave?”

Lena nodded, hoping that would be good enough of an answer.

“All alone on this hill?”

Apparently, it wasn’t good enough of an answer.

“I’ve gotta get rid of him!”, Lena thought, calculating options quickly. “Maybe a barb will shut him up.”

“What’s the matter?”, she asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Aren’t you busy taking over McDuck Enterprises and sending it down the toilet?”

Louie took it in stride, but Lena could tell that he was hiding his true feelings about that day. “Hey, that was last week. I’m a changed duck!”

“Wow. New Louie is only one week old and already as disappointing as old Louie.”

Lena knew she was being a jerk, but right now that was easier than sharing… All that.

Besides, she didn’t really have a relationship with Louie.

Sure, he had helped her with her nightmares, and she’d forever be in his debt for that, but that was about it.

“Oh, man.”, Lena thought, the hole in her chest hurting. “I sound like such an asshole.”

Louie however, did not take the insult that hard.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Lena did mind.

But it seemed like Louie would not take no for an answer.

Besides, she could just avoid it, she’d done it before!

So Lena patted the ground next to her, not daring to look at Louie out of fear that he’d see through her mask.

“Sit down, the grass is fine.”

So he sat down next to her, albeit with his back to her.

And for a while, the two ducklings did nothing but sit and breath, Lena’s heart hurting and Louie’s mind working overtime.

There were still a few moon people embarking their crafts, but they would all be gone soon, and Lena would have no excuse to stay.

She tried to come up with some kind of way to kick Louie out, but her mind came up with blanks, instead continuing to quietly and slowly hurl more and more guilt onto her.

Suddenly, Louie broke the silence. “…Why are you really sitting here?”

Lena didn’t want to answer.

So she said nothing.

Louie sighed. “Silent treatment?”

Lena still said nothing.

Louie sniffed for a moment, blinking at the clouds. “…Look, if you’re not going to tell me what’s on your mind, then I’ll tell you why you should tell me.”

Lena barely stifled a dark chuckle. “I should tell you? No offense, Louie, but I find it hard to believe that you of all people hold the key to making me feel less shitty.”

Louie objected to this, of course. “Come on! You’re not even willing to give me a chance to prove myself?”

“Well, let’s see: You broke the timestream, nearly losing your family, you scammed Glomgold out of his entire company, NOT that he didn’t deserve it, and, oh, there’s the little thing of taking over Scrooge’s company and almost running it into the ground in a day.” Lena scoffed and counted on her fingers.

Louie, half jokingly and half seriously defended himself. “Ok, ok, so mistakes were made…”

“Title of your autobiography.”, Lena quipped.

“I was thinking something more like “Louie Duck: Lit and Fit with Moolah in the Mint”, but sure, “Mistakes Were Made” works too.”

And again, silence fell.

For a moment, Lena thought she had avoided it for good, but then Louis spoke again, this time with a little more emotion.

“…I really could help you. If you’d let me.”

Lena sighed, knowing that the youngest duck triplet’s intentions were good, but misguided. “Look, Louie, it’s really cool of you to try, but…”

She left that sentence hanging, but Louie didn’t need the rest of it to interpret its meaning.

That didn’t stop him from insisting. “I’m telling you, I can at least try.”

Lena, tired of waiting, turned to him, anger in her eyes. Louie could also detect damp spots in said eyes, but he decided that he’d rather not die like that. “Louie, I’m serious: Stop trying.”

Louie knew that messing with Lena was a bad idea: She could get pretty mad, and he knew that he was no match physically for her.

But it didn’t stop him from staring right back, eyes narrowed with determination.

“Why? I’m tired of taking the easy route.”

Lena laughed. “Since when?”

“Since last week!”, Louie shouted back, slight emotion crawling into his voice.

“You can’t. Change. In a week!”, Lena emphasized, talking more to herself than to Louie.

“How are you so sure? How are you so sure that you can’t?”, Louie turned the tables.

Lena groaned, frustrated with his stubbornness. “Louie, you can’t help me!”

“Why?”, he shouted back, not expecting the following event.

Lena, finally out of patience, shoved him to the ground, angry tears flying off her eyes, a red face and a shaking body above him now.

“I. CAN’T. BE. HELPED!”

Realizing what she did, she turned her back to him, clenching her fists and looking down at the ground with shame.

She wished it could swallow her whole, leaving no trace.

But to her great misfortune…

She was still alive.

Louie slowly got up, dusting himself off, not averting his gaze from her hunched back and slumped shoulders.

“…No. You can’t be helped.”

Lena knew it was true, but it didn’t stop the shiver that emcommpassed her entire body.

But Louie wasn’t finished.

“You can’t be helped if you never let yourself be helped.”

“Sometimes, I really just want to deck that kid.”, Lena thought, and she turned around, pissed.

“Louie, for god’s sake, shut up…”

“No. Not until you hear me out.”

The two were in an unofficial stand still, a sort of unspoken staring contest, both refusing to break.

Lena desperately wanted to kick him out…

But at the same time, she knew that he wouldn’t leave without having his say.

Sighing, she turned her back again, and, muttering, she murmured “Fine. What do you want to say?”

Louie cleared his throat, knowing that he was now in the homestretch. He had to nail this or he’d lose his chance to help her.

And hard as it was for even him to believe, he wanted to help her.

Twiddling his thumbs, his usual confidence absent,, he started to make his point.

“As I’m sure you know, I can be kind of… Selfish and manipulative.”

Lena shook her head, failing to believe this. “Are we seriously talking about you?”

Louie quickly intervened. “Wait, wait, hear me out!”

Lena sighed and motioned for him to go on.

Louie kicked some grass and continued. “What I was trying to say is, as you know, I can be a real jerk.”

“Real asshole.”, Lena added.

“Yeah, that too.”

“And a dick.”, Lena added, now with a dry smile.

“Ok, that’s a bit much.”, Louie protested.

“And a prick, moron and cock.”

Louie dryly looked back at her. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

“Oh, very.”, Lena admitted, enjoying the moment of relief.

Louie sighed. “Oh boy. Anyway, what I was trying to say, is that yes, I am all those things. And for a long time, I didn’t really think of the consequences of my actions.”

He started to get a little more serious, the memories of his past mistakes still a touchy matter.

Lena knew this, and she started to feel a little bad for barbing him so much. He too had regrets.

“I regret that. I regret tricking my family, I regret the timephoon, and I definitely regret taking over the company.”

Emotion broke into his voice, and Lena swore that she could hear a tear or two, but she refused to turn, still rejecting help.

That, and she didn’t want to embarrass him.

“I… I fucked up real bad.”

Lena snickered. “Gee, what a dirty mouth. You kiss your mother with that mouth, Lellwyn?”

“Oh, you bet! That dirty mouth didn’t even have that privilege until about 3 weeks ago! I’ll kiss her with my disgusting mouth as much as I want!”, Louie retorted jokingly, but Lena could tell that Louie really had missed his mom.

She wondered what that felt like.

Louie resumed his talk. “Anyhow… I… I didn’t realize I was wrong. I was sure that there was only one way in life for me: To scam everyone in my way, make it rich quick and live the easy life. But I see now that…”

He sighed. It was never easy to say this, but he had to for Lena’s sake.

“I see now that I was wrong.”

Lena sighed too. “Louie… You don’t have to be hard on yourself.”

Louie disagreed. “No. You’re wrong. I should be. I made big mistakes. And I need to fix them. And it will take time.”

Louie then smiled hopefully, a little at himself and a little at her. “But… Here’s the thing.”

He closed his eyes, feeling the wind in his hair. “The reason I’ve been able to live with myself… The reason I’m not just lying in my room hating myself for being suck a dick… Is because I took the first step towards redemption. Something you haven’t done.”

Lena raised an eyebrow, turning towards him. “…What are you talking about? What did I not do?”

Louie smiled softly, sympathy present in his eyes. “You didn’t forgive yourself.”

Lena gulped. In a way, she knew he was right, but at the same time…

“Louie… I can’t.”

“Why not?”, he asked, pressing her.

“I… I just can’t!”, Lena shot back, turning again, clutching herself, feeling cold.

“I… I’ve done too much. I’ve… I’ve fallen too far down.”

“No. You. Haven’t.”

Lena growled. “Louie, you don’t know what I’ve gone through.”

“Of course not. But answer me this: Did you choose to steal the number one dime?”

Lena turned to him, hands on her hips. “Uh, duh! Of course I did!”

“No, Magica did. You only did it because she told you to.”

“That doesn’t change what I did!”, Lena protested, attacking herself.

“Yes it does! You were being led astray by an abusive family figure! It’s a perfect excuse, ‘cause it’s not an excuse! It’s fucking abuse!”

Lena shook her head, not wanting to fool herself into believing. “Louie, even if that’s true…”

“Did you choose to make the money shark? Or the shadow war? Did you choose to let your body be taken over?”, Louie asked, disgust laced in his voice.

“Well…”, Lena had to admit, he was making a good point.

But she still felt so guilty.

“Well, I guess I…”

“No, no guessing. Yes or no.”

“But…”

“Yes or no.”

“Wait, I…”

“Yes. Or. No.”

“Listen, ok, it’s not that simple…”

Lena was spiraling, and Louie refused to budge.

“Yes or no, Lena! It IS simple!”

“No, it’s not!”

“Answer me!”

Lena shook and her head throbbed and her heart pounded and…

“Did you choose to be made?”

That was it. That was the million dollar question.

But the prize was most definitely not cash.

“NO, OK? I DIDN’T CHOOSE IT! I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO LIVE!”

Lena collapsed to her knees, weeping, not caring anymore who saw.

“I…”, she started weakly, her breath cold, her body aching.

“I didn’t choose to live. I didn’t ask for all of this.”

Louie stepped up to her, a look of pure sympathy painted on him. “…Exactly.”

Louie knelt down and embraced her, which surprised her. They were not huggers.

“Don’t dismember me.”, Louie asked, and Lena couldn’t help but smile at that.

“No promises…”, she said, through the tears.

Louie separated from the hug and gazed into her eyes.

“Lena… I get why you feel guilty. You almost hurt all the people you love, you helped an evil witch, and you nearly became her.”

He smiled encouragingly. “But you’re not. You were forced to do all this. You were being manipulated. Hurt. Controlled.”

Lena started listening, almost willing to accept it all.

“None of that was your fault. As you said, you didn’t ask for any of this: Magica did.”

Lena shook her head. “So what? That doesn’t absolve me for life.”

“Of course not. But…”

Louie nodded slowly. “You have something you didn’t have before. Something Magica never gave you.”

Lena stuttered out a question. “…W-What?”

“…A choice.”

The wind blew and the birds chirped and Lena took a deep breath.

“A choice?”, she asked.

Louie nodded, sitting down next to her. “I could choose to keep scamming. But I want to work hard from now on. I want to earn my riches. I want to do it the right way.”

He shrugged. “And if I don’t choose to do that, if I choose to revert to type, well… I’m choosing to be what I hate. I’m choosing to be the version I’m ashamed of.”

Lena nodded.

“I’m not saying you’re bad. ‘Cause you’re not. But if you decide that you are bad, well… You’ll never have a chance to be good.”

Louie smiled. “We’re all willing to forgive you, Lena. You’re family. But… Are you willing to forgive yourself?”

Lena hated to admit it… But he was right.

“Wow. You actually said something that didn’t piss me off.”

Louie laughed. “Yeah, I know, shocking.”

Lena suddenly hugged him.

“Woah.”, he exclaimed, surprised by this.

Lena now had happy tears. “Thanks for talking to me.”

She wiped the tears away as she separated herself from him. “…I know that… That I didn’t choose to do these things.”

She looked down in shame. “But I can’t help and feel like I did.”

Louie nodded. “The only way out is to forgive yourself. You’re not even giving yourself a chance to get better.”

Lena fearfully asked the question that terrified her: “…What if I still go bad?”

Louie sighed. “You won’t. You’re better than you think you are. You helped us all eve under Magica’s control. You’re a great person. Now it’s time to let yourself be that person.”

Lena looked back at the clouds.

Forgiving herself couldn’t be easy..

She still felt all the things she had done… No. All the things she had been forced to do.

Well… If that’s the case…

Then she hasn’t had a chance to actually BE bad.

Which mean, in a sense…

“I have a blank slate.”, she uttered quietly.

And if that was true…

Then…

Then there WAS hope.

If she had a blank slate, then she had just as much of a chance of ending up good as she did ending up bad.

For the first time in her life…

Lena had a choice.

Lena could try again.

One more chance.

Tears flowed down as Lena realized she could be who she wants to be.

She COULD.

And, despite spending so many years in the company of magic, that was the most magical thing she had ever seen.

“There really is still hope…”

Lena slowly stood up, following the last alien ship as it began to leave.

Closing her eyes, she projected all the mistakes she had made.

All the terrible things that she was forced to do.

Magica wasn’t her…

She was an illness.

To fight an illness, one must accept that it isn’t who they are.

But also…

To choose to fight it.

Lena could see that she could be good.

But she could never be good, be happy…

If she didn’t forgive herself.

A hand softly landed over her heart.

“…I didn’t choose to be like that. And I choose not to be.”

She closed her eyes tight. “From now on… I choose to be me. The real me.”

She smiled.

“I give myself… A chance.”

And that’s what she did, as her guilt flew away to the moon, far far away.

And as one last tear flowed down, Lena felt it.

Hope.

It would take time… Time to heal. To discover herself. To shut the voice down.

But…

One day…

She’d be good.

And she’d be happy.

And she’d be… Herself.

And that was truly magical.

#ducktales #ducktales fanfiction #Lena #lena ducktales #ducktales louie #ducktales season 2 #violet sabrewing #lena saberwing #saberwing sisters #moonvasion #lenasmagic

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dynamic-instability · 5 years

Text

In one of my classes we have to write weekly personal narratives about an experience with illness. This week, mine turned into this. It’s probably too personal, and too... immediate?? to turn in to a professor without cutting out a lot of stuff, but not too personal to post online I guess lol

_____________________________

It’s November again.

In 2009 the lights were too bright. Mid-October one morning I woke up to my dad turning on my lights and it was like having to look into the sun while posing for a photo—my eyes wouldn’t stay open, if I forced them to, they couldn’t stay pointed in one direction, they spasmed and hurt. When the light was dimmed, I still saw double. That morning, I showered in the dark, and I remember being scared. They gave me eyedrops that paralyzed my accommodative muscles. In November my pupils were giant discs and I wore reading glasses over sunglasses to look at the computer, and when it was all said and done, the lights were still too bright, and I still saw double.

In 2011 I was tired. There’s fatigue and then there’s fatigue, I learned that Fall. In May of that year I had pulled two all-nighters in a week, and that was the only other time I’d felt this kind of tired, a sensation in about the 30th hour of the second time where it’s like my brain itched. I once saw someone else online describe it as “nausea, but in your head and eyes instead of in your throat and stomach” and that’s the closest anyone else has come to describing it. By November this was happening more and more often. I remember laying down in the corner of the room during a break of Citywide choir and thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I got a cold the next week, and I thought that maybe that was all it was. It wasn’t.

In 2013 I went to the ER for the fifth time in three months of college, and when I wanted to leave before waiting another couple of hours to eventually see a doctor who would tell me once again that they couldn’t do anything to help me, the woman from student life who was there to drive me back to campus made me call my parents on speaker phone and get their permission to leave before she would turn on the car. I had missed more chemistry labs than I could afford to miss without failing, passed out in a voice lesson, was asked by the director to drop out of choir because watching me was distraction when I looked like I was in pain, and if I passed out it would have ruined the concert for everyone. I remember leaving calculus in the mornings mid-class to go to the bathroom and lay on the floor and cry. I remember not being able to lift my hand off the mattress of my dorm room bed. I withdrew from half of my classes on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and took the Spring semester off.

In 2014 I had made a promise to myself that I would come back to college full time for that Fall semester just to see if I could do it, and then if I couldn’t I would drop out for good. There was one week where I thought that might be happening. Mid-November. The girls in my dorm had made a fort in the lounge out of sheets and blankets and colorful scarves and I remember laying on the couch through the green-filtered light and feeling the world spin and thinking oh god I still can’t do this. The door opened with a rush of cold air and my friends came in with food for me, since I’d been too sick to go to dinner. They sat with me and helped me with chemistry, offered to type up a paper if I dictated it, told jokes and made me laugh. I took an incomplete in one class, but I passed everything else, just barely scraped through, and came back in January.

In 2015 I just wanted to sleep. I passed out in an elevator and heard familiar voices, concerned voices, as I came to, and I stayed there laying motionless for another minute longer, because as long as I wasn’t awake I didn’t have to keep pushing. I wrote whole pages of completely unreadable ochem notes because my hand wasn’t working any better than my brain, and woke up on the floor and was wheeled out on a stretcher crying. It was dark all the time. My cane slipped on wet leaves and I felt my wrist crunch and there it was, one too many missed organic chemistry labs. I couldn’t stand for an entire choir rehearsal because breathing to sing made me lightheaded. I slept for 16 hours a day. The week before Thanksgiving, I called my mother to tell her I had decided to take another hardship withdrawal, and she sighed. I had applied to transfer schools during my much more optimistic Spring semester and Summer, and the week I left was also the week I found out I’d been accepted.

And so okay now it’s 2019, and it’s October and now November again, semester plan again, dark again. My reading is piling up again, feeling overwhelmed again, laying on my kitchen floor again. But here’s the thing—my health is… fine? Midterm week I didn’t sleep, and yes I passed out twice, but no ER. For the past 18 months, I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve been unable to get out of bed because of fatigue. My heart still pounds too hard but my head doesn’t swim every time I sit up. I walk the streets of New York City like mobility has never been a problem. I always take the stairs. My brain doesn’t itch until it’s been 30 hours no sleep.

I couldn’t go to class last week. I lay on the floor of my kitchen and stared up at the ceiling and tried to get up, tried to type out an email to my professors, and I couldn’t do it. I was not too tired. I was not too weak. I was not in pain. I could not move. I try to write and try to write and try to write and the words don’t come. I eat instant oatmeal at 9 PM because I haven’t been to the store in a month. I have lost nearly 15 pounds since moving to New York. I clean the stove for two and a half hours but can’t bring myself to take the dead spider off the side of the bathtub. I check the door lock one-two-three times, pace the floor, sit back down. I do not read Austerlitz. I write a Canvas post for Self and Other but it’s nonsense. I do not write a Canvas post for Accounts of Self. I do not write a Canvas post for Applied Writing. I write a Canvas post for Illness and Disability and somehow forget to post it, the one thing I’ve actually done, because I’m too busy feeling sick at everything I haven’t. I shadow a doctor for the clinical witnessing assignment and everything is fine but when I try to write it up I have a panic attack that leaves me sobbing on my couch and the assignment nine days late and counting. It takes me eight hours to write two pages. I watch 18 hours of YouTube video essays discussing drama about creators I don’t even watch and play a stupid game on my phone for an entire weekend until I’ve spent $25+ in a labyrinth of microtransations and every time I close my eyes I see the moving dots.

In November of 2015 I had three overdue essays for Global Literature, and two more due in the next two weeks. More than half were on books I had not read. My pre-lab wasn’t done for organic chemistry, and I wondered for a moment, if I pretended to pass out, if that would be easier. I stayed up until 4 AM laying on my floor and listening to Hamilton. I was sick, that much is true, but when I felt okay I still sat at my computer and could not bring myself to write.

In 2011 I had so many unfinished assignments for my college-level English class that I resigned myself to failing and I went to school the morning of the final class, but I hid in the stairwell by the choir room until I heard the bell, and I never went back to that class.

2009 was the year my dad stopped being able to yell at me for not doing my homework, because no one, including me, could tell whether it was actually my eyes stopping me.

In 2008 I wrote 6 essays in the 5 days of Thanksgiving break because I had not done any work for Intro to Lit all semester. I pulled it off, somehow, even aced the class because of an unusually lenient late work policy, but what I most remember is the sick feeling of dread as I lay on the floor in the living room staring up at the Christmas tree and feeling invisible sand slip through an invisible hourglass and a vice tightening in my chest.

In 2006 I stayed up almost all night writing a paper and crying my eyes out because I couldn’t find the words to explain to anyone why it had been so impossible for me to get the work done, that I wasn’t being lazy or distracted, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t necessarily reading YA novels or watching TV or IMing my friends instead of working, I could sit and stare at a blank word document for 6 hours straight and still it would not get done. Everyone talked about potential, talked about how smart I was, but a gradebook that is half 100’s and half 0’s still averages out to an F. No one, including me, could explain the discrepancy. The logic of that simple math was not lost on me, the knowledge that turning in half-finished or not very good work was mathematically better than not doing it, but that didn’t mean I could do it. Words failed me when I tried to explain the illogic of my particular suffering.

I didn’t hear the term executive dysfunction until I was in my 20s. In retrospect I was tentatively told at 16 that I had “probably some ADHD and OCD”, but that psychiatrist was someone I’d been sent to by a neurologist because he thought she could fix my eyes, and when she said she couldn’t, I stopped making appointments. After I got sick, physically sick, the lines blurred between what was causing what, to the point where even I have no idea. Two of the Novembers missing here are ones I spent at CC, on the block plan where I only took one class at a time. My physical health arguably improved a little after transferring in January of 2016, but mostly it didn’t, not until Spring of 2018 at least. And you can see that evidence in dropped blocks, concussions from passing out onto hard surfaces, a couple of incompletes taken when viral illnesses (or concussions) compounded my other problems. What the block plan changed was the way things pile up, lessened the struggle of constant task switching between classes. (Admittedly, I also had fewer papers when taking mostly science classes. Writing takes much more energy, and it’s much harder to convince myself it doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth submitting.) At CC nothing ever really reached the level of catastrophe. Some of that is purely the ability to drop a single block, meaning when it was my physical health that was the problem, I didn’t lose a whole semester, just one class, then reset. But I should have realized sooner that the block plan wouldn’t account for the level of improvement if my physical health had really been the only barrier.

So we’re back to now. Grad school. November again. Dark again. Semester plan again. Too much writing again. Crushing dread again. Dysfunction again. Panic attack in the middle of the night increasingly elaborate organizing rituals scream of the subway tracks in my mind can’t stop can’t start can’t breathe can’t move burnout again. This time without the explanation of chronic fatigue to fall back on.

I have my tricks, have actually learned somewhat to cope in the past 18 years. Schedules help, break tasks into pieces that are as small as possible. Mindfulness meditation. Forgive yourself when it’s not perfect. Get started with something easy, set a timer for 20 minutes and only work for those 20 minutes and then let yourself stop if you want to (and surprisingly often, you won’t want to, sometimes that momentum is all it takes). If you work better in the night, work in the night, who cares what society says your sleep schedule should be. When switching tasks, physically get up and move to a different location. Allow yourself to procrastinate on work with other work if that’s what you have to do. Delete the stupid games from your phone. One or two missed assignments are not actually the end of the world, if you let yourself view it as piling up, you won’t be able to get anything done, so if you absolutely have to, just move through and move on.

It’s not a catastrophe, this November. It’s a fight, but it’s not a catastrophe. I read Austerlitz and forgive myself for skimming it. I write a Canvas post and forgive myself when it’s only 500 words and doesn’t make complete sense. I read Toni Morrison and Édouard Louis and classmates’ discussion posts about Deaf culture and identity and remember why this matters in the first place, that it’s not just a series of assignments to overwhelm me, it’s a series of interesting complicated exhausting important thoughts and questions. I get it done. Some of it. Most of it. I let myself sleep. I breathe. I remember to be grateful because I can get out of bed in the mornings and take the stairs. I am okay.

#chronic illness #executive dysfunction #chronic fatigue #College and chronic illness #personal lol

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lickstynine · 6 years

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(rumbleriot) i'd really love to see 'let me help you' with a pairing that has tense chemistry? like rivals, two characters who usually dislike one another, or who have a strictly professional relationship - if you're not already overwhelmed, please?

So I made some new characters cause I loved this prompt but didn’t have anyone who fit it well.

Setting: an unspecified made up tech company in some big city

Characters:

Brennan Wright

23, trans male (pre-everything but out and presenting male at work), 5'5", average lean build, short brown hair, hazel eyes. Smart but disorganized. Believes in being yourself even if nobody else likes it.

Valentin Von Bothmer

29, cis male, 6'0", thin athletic build, sleek black hair, blue eyes. Brennan’s boss and son of the company’s current CEO. Probably gonna be the next CEO. Super perfectionist. Slight German accent.

———————

“Hey, sorry I’m late, traffic was the worst, but… I brought coffee.” Brennan grinned sheepishly, holding up a stack of Starbucks drink carriers, as if this wasn’t the third time in a week he’d come in late. There hadn’t been traffic, he’d just hit the snooze button a few too many times, hence why his hair was unbrushed and he was still wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt he’d slept in.

The secretary gave him a sympathetic smile, accepting one of the paper cups he offered. “You’ll want to hurry, sweetie. Your meeting started five minutes ago.”

Brennan nearly dropped the rest of the coffees he was carrying. “Shit.” He’d been hoping he would at least have time to change into the spare clothes he kept under his desk, but that time had passed while he was sitting in his car finishing his chocolate croissant.

He rushed down the hall, nearly bumping into a mousy intern as she got off the elevator. Handing her an apology coffee, Brennan furiously jammed at the 5 button until the elevator started moving. He awkwardly shifted the tray of cups onto one arm, digging in his bag to make sure he at least had the thumb drive with his presentation on it. He was already going to be in trouble for being late and unsightly - if he showed up without the project he was supposed to submit, he would probably be fired on the spot.

The meeting was well underway by the time Brennan showed up, and he slinked into the room just as one of his coworkers closed their PowerPoint. Every eye in the room was boring into him, especially those of his boss. Valentin Von Bothmer was not a patient or lenient man, and being surrounded by his own superiors did nothing to lighten his mood. He watched like a hawk as his awkward subordinate shuffled in, waving to the table of suits and a few of his colleagues sitting in the back corner.

Setting down the trays of Starbucks he’d brought, Brennan stood up straight, clearing his throat and doing his best to speak in his lowest chest voice. He didn’t mind talking normally around his coworkers, but he always felt like an imposter around unfamiliar men. “Sorry I’m late, gentlemen, I brought this as an apology.”

“We have a coffeemaker in the office.” Valentin replied coldly. “Next time, don’t be sorry, be punctual.” It seemed like he was even stiffer and grouchier than usual, but that might have just been Brennan’s anxious imagination. “Luckily for you, Johnson here has just finished disappointing us, so if your project is actually good, you may be able to somewhat redeem yourself.”

Brennan nodded hastily, flashing a brief sympathetic glance at Johnson, who was wilting in his seat. He pulled his laptop out of his bag, plugging in the thumb drive and hooking it up to the projector. To his relief, there was a desk for him to stand behind that hid his sweatpants - definitely a point in his favor. As he pulled up his own presentation, the bigwigs at the table helped themselves to the coffee he’d brought, and Brennan relaxed a little. He was confident in his project, so as long as the bosses didn’t go into it hating his guts, he was pretty sure he’d be fine.

Valentin couldn’t decide whether he was pleased or pissed with how well Brennan’s project went over. On one hand, it infuriated him that the younger man’s talents allowed him to get away with being lazy, flakey, and generally unprofessional. At the same time, Johnson’s presentation had absolutely bombed, and Valentin could feel the chill of his father’s steely gaze from the head of the table; if both of his employees failed, it definitely wouldn’t reflect well on him.

He glared at the projector screen, struggling to actually listen closely - normally he was hyper-aware of his surroundings, but right now, it was all he could do to sit up straight and look presentable. He’d had a pounding headache since he woke up, and the bitter taste of coffee coated his tongue in a way that wouldn’t go away no matter how much water he drank. When Brennan finished speaking, the men around the table clapped, and Valentin nearly deflated with relief. His face stayed steely, but he gave his subordinate a brief approving nod as Brendan shuffled off to sit by Johnson, and another team’s representative came up to present.

Now that his own ass wasn’t on the line, Valentin didn’t even try to listen to the rest of the demonstrations. He retreated into what he called low-power mode - looking as stern as ever while his brain was entirely turned off. It was only the clap of his father’s hand on his shoulder that told him the meeting was over. He stood up at once, turning to lock eyes with the hard-faced older man.

“Your second boy did well. His project was one of the best we saw. He’s one of your new ones, yes?”

“Er… yes. Yes, sir.” Valentin had to think a moment before he replied, but he nodded hastily. He wasn’t sure if it was nerves or just his headache, but the room seemed to be wobbling around him, and he rested a surreptitious hand on the back of his chair for support. “I am… so sorry about his tardiness. It will not happen again.”

Konrad Von Bothmer just shrugged. “That is not too big a deal. Just make sure he wears real clothes next time.”

Valentin nodded, his cheeks burning red even though he hadn’t done anything wrong himself. “Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss?”

“No, not yet. I want to look over the best few projects myself, see which one I like the most. Tell your boy I want a copy of his work on my desk within the hour.”

“Yes, sir. Right away.” Valentin hurried off to where the lower-ranking employees were huddled in the hall, waiting for the elevator down. “Wright. I want to see you now.”

Brennan’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. He thought he’d actually managed to pull off the presentation, but now he was less sure. The earlier fears of a lecture had come back tenfold, and he was just praying he would only be put on probation, rather than fired.

“What… what is it, Mr. Von Bothmer?” He asked, his voice wobbling up into a higher range.

“Your project, you have it all on your flash drive, yes?”

Brennan nodded, images flashing through his head of his boss stomping the little plastic storage unit to pieces. “Yes, I do. Right here.” He pulled the thumb drive from his pocket, holding it out so Valentin could take it if he wanted.

“Good. Take it down to the printers. My father wants a full copy as soon as possible.”

Relief washed over Brennan, followed by a little lurch of joy. The CEO wanted to look at his project? It took all his self-control to not shriek with excitement. “Yes, sir. I’ll go do that now, sir.”

As the younger man turned back towards the elevators, Valentin’s hand stopped him. “Oh, and Wright? When you’re done with that, I want to see you in my office.”

———————

Brennan could feel his heart trying to smash through his ribs as he walked back to the elevator from the senior Von Bothmer’s office. He went down a few floors to Valentin’s level, chewing his lip nervously as he shuffled down the hall. The door was closed, as always, so he rapped lightly on the sleek, dark wood.

“Come in.” Valentin was sitting at his desk, stirring but not drinking a fresh cup of coffee. The conference room had been dim, to better show the projected presentations, but in the bright light of the office, Brennan couldn’t help but notice his boss looked a little pale and tired.

Of course, even at his worst, Valentin was worlds more sightly than Brennan - he had one of those unfairly pretty faces, with striking blue-grey eyes, full lips, and high cheekbones, the kind of face that could model if it wanted to. Brendan was always a little jealous of how well his boss pulled off feminine features, but it didn’t change the fact that Valentin looked less perfect than usual today.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Brendan ventured, hovering over the chair opposite Valentin’s desk.

“I did. Take a seat.” Valentin stood up from his own chair, fighting a brief wave of vertigo and moving to sit on the front edge of his desk. This way, he loomed over Brendan rather than being at eye level, and it allowed him to speak more softly and still be heard. “You did fairly good work today. However, being gifted does not mean you have the right to slack and slouch about like you own the company.”

Brennan nodded, fear growing and clawing in his chest. “I know. I’m sorry, sir.”

“Apologies are a lovely formality, Wright, but you aren’t in college anymore. You can’t waltz in twenty minutes late with coffee, wearing pajamas and hoping there will be some extra credit to make up for what you missed. If you show up underdressed or late again, I will be demoting you, and Aya can have your position. She’s nearly run her course as an intern anyway.”

Ice filled Brennan’s veins, and he nodded hastily, even as fear flipped his stomach. “Yes, sir. I understand. It won’t happen again.”

“Good. Now, I want you to start… to start…” Valentin was struggling to finish his sentence, as another wave of vertigo made him wobble against the desk.

Brennan frowned, surprised and confused. He’d never seen his boss waver before, and it was both strange and deeply worrying. “Are you okay, sir?”

“I am fine. We are here to talk about you.” Valentin replied sternly. “I was saying that you are to keep working on your project while my father looks over your current draft. Make notes of anything you can improve, and anything you’d like to add. This… uh… That way, you’ll be on top of things if he picks yours to work from.”

Valentin’s gaze was fuzzy behind his glasses, and Brennan couldn’t help but be concerned. Even though his boss scared the crap out of him, Brennan certainly didn’t wish ill on the guy. He tentatively leaned forward, “Mr. Von Bothmer, I’m happy to do that, but I really don’t think you’re okay. You look… like, gray. It’s not good.”

“I told you,” Valentin huffed, “I am fine!” Even as he said it, he teetered, and his clammy hands slipped on the edge of the desk, sending him sliding towards the floor.

“Whoa!” Brennan instinctively reached out, steadying the older man by his shoulders. Now that they were touching, he could feel the heat absolutely radiating off Valentin. “Holy shit… I mean, oh crap… Mr. Von Bothmer, you’re burning up.”

“Get off of me!” Valentin forced himself to stand, stiffening his posture as best he could. “I’ve told you twice now that I am alright. I just need to lower the thermostat in here.”

Brennan couldn’t help but sigh in exasperation. “Look, I know you really care about your image and all of that, but I’m the last guy to worry about being professional with. The door is closed, there’s no one in the room but us, and you look ready to keel over. Please, let me help you.”

Valentin felt a strange jolt in his chest. He was silent for a long moment, his head pounding and his vision wavering. He didn’t want to admit that he was unwell, even to himself, much less his least favourite employee. He opened his mouth to say no, but couldn’t force the word out. In the end, he just sighed, hanging his head to avoid eye contact.

“If you must. But if you tell anyone you saw me like this, or that I let you take care of me, you’re fired.“

#sickfic #whump #illness #new characters #new ocs #my ocs #brennan #wright #valentin #von bothmer #fever #headache

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twelvesignsrp · 7 years

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congratulations elaina, sagittarius is now imogen song with the faceclaim natasha liu bordizzo

APPLICATION

Character Sign: (Aries/Leo etc.) saggitarius Character name: imogen song Birthday: december 11, 1996 (born a little after 7:00am) Sexuality: pansexual Gender: cisfemale/genderfluid. was raised as and is generally assumed to be female, so she is used to being called she/her, but she’s not picky about pronouns. Moon Sign: sagittarius (ascendent is sagittarius too, ayo! super mega sagittarius!) Faceclaim: natasha liu bordizzo (fc is 22 years old, of chinese-italian heritage)

Power:

electromagnetic force manipulation

undeveloped powers as a child:

when very angry or panicked, imogen would unintentionally shake up or deaden small amounts of EM forces, which could cause a few things:

1. creating heat by overexciting molocules, which can cause things to burn, melt, catch fire, etc. on the other hand, she can slow down and deaden the movement of molecules, creating coldness. in theory, she could freeze things, but because this is more likely to happen when she’s surprised than with any other emotion and surprise wears off so quickly, it’s not as damaging as her heat generation.

2. shaking atoms apart and creating low levels of radioactivity. imogen was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder as a teenager, when her not-infrequent bouts of anger caused her to become physically ill due to undiagnosed mild radiation sickness. they initially wanted to diagnose some form of pmdd, which infuriated imogen because these rages didn’t seem timed to her menstrual cycle in any way- she had to fight to get a realistic diagnosis and ever since then she doesn’t trust medical doctors and avoids them as much as possible. she’s seen a therapist regularly since the anxiety diagnosis, and she’s learned to control negative emotions to an extreme degree, to the point where she almost can’t feel them. this has made her a rather positive and optimistic person, for the most part, but it’s also made her incredibly reckless, believing bad things can’t happen to her. once she discovers this power and begins to develop it, she’s going to have a lot of unaddressed emotions to deal with.

after discovering her powers:

imogen must start learning to control her EM manipulation, which is incredibly difficult and exhausting. for a beginner, it requires intense, very precise concentration that is very hard to maintain intentionally for more than a few seconds.

furthermore, while electromagnetics have been used for certain therapies in a positive way (such as management of bipolar disorder and depression), it can also be incredibly dangerous to humans (causing everything from burns and sunburns to electric shock, damage to vision, or even cancer). using her own powers /always/ exposes imogen herself to the heat-generating, cold-generating, and/or radiation-generating properties of her power. this puts her at a risk for burns any time she uses her power, and puts her at a long-term risk for leukemia.

her powers are incredibly limited by her own knowledge and the information she has access to. for example, while she technically *could*, with enough practice, manipulate chemicals to create a new compound (turn water into wine, so to speak), she doesn’t know anything about chemistry, so she wouldn’t be able to use this skill. she might be able to use it if someone explained the exact chemistry to her, but even then there’s a lot of danger of her messing it up and causing a disaster (to continue with the water/wine metaphor, she could accidentally turn water into poison instead). an entire mission could fall apart because she needs to use EM manipulation to construct a metal tool out of available elements, and she manages to get the shape right, but accidentally builds it out of mercury instead of iron because she forgot the molecular structure.

imogen is not a science person. she’s good with money, she’s athletic, she’s socially smart, but she’s never cared much about science, so she simply does not know enough yet to master most of her power’s capabilities. she needs to do a lot of studying, but she’s starting from zero so it’s going to take a while to learn anything useful. because of the health risks involved, she can’t practice too much, even though this power requires a lot of practice to use. she’s also got to decide what exactly she’ll focus on- if she studies chemistry enough to get good at it, she might not have time to study human physiology, for example. she’s not super studious to begin with, so this is all going to be a big struggle for her, to the point where she may want to stop using her power entirely to avoid the frustration.

What do they study?

finance. she’s in her second year.

Biography:

once upon a time, imogen hated being called lucky. sure, she was born with a few advantages over the average london kid, but it wasn’t like anyone needed to make athing about it. she had money- so what? not even money, really. her father was an investor, you see. it wasn’t until college that imogen came to understand that “investor” is just a fancy word for “professional money have-er”, and that the money in question wasn’t real money, but it still gets counted when people ask you how much you’re worth.

as she got older, imogen grew to hate more things, from certain foods to certain movies to certain people. there was no rhyme or reason to it, either- one day, she’d be perfectly fine and happy and laughing; the next, she’d be a nervous wreck, snapping at every minor offence and disappearing into the bathroom with an upset stomach. surely it was just some pubescent phase, right?

that was the thinking when, after imogen started missing school over her worsening episodes, her parents took her to the doctor to try to find the cause. imogen was hopeful for relief- she certainly didn’t enjoy feeling like a real-life werewolf- but that hope quickly faded when her symptoms were written off as PMDD, maybe PCOS, let’s just take this prescription and see, just give it a try, stop arguing, the doctor’s very busy honey…

she took the pills. she hated the pills. she got sicker. she hated being sick. she got sicker. she hated everything. she got sicker. the pills made her gain weight, so the doctor said she could stop taking them.

maybe a therapist could help.

imogen’s therapist taught her to watch her thoughts drive by; to acknowledge them without judgement and without riding along with them. she taught imogen to let go of negativity and absorb positivity. imogen was a very good student.

she couldn’t be upset.

she couldn’t be angry.

she couldn’t be sad.

she couldn’t be hurt.

nothing could hurt her.

she was fucking bulletproof.

and any bulletproof girl is bound to want to test her armor, right?

Five interesting facts about your character:

imogen is naturally right-handed. her mother is left-handed. as a child, imogen forced herself to learn to do everything left-handed like her mother. she’s now technically ambidextrous.

imogen’s father lost a lot of money in a bad investment deal with imogen was in middle school. she’s studying finance because she doesn’t want to make the same mistake.

imogen has an older sister named wendy and a younger brother named lawrence. wendy is nearly ten years older than imogen, so the two have never been close. lawrence is only two years younger. he is very quiet and polite and just about as opposite imogen as one could be. imogen is closer to lawrence than to wendy, but still not that close.

imogen abandoned her virginity at sixteen when she and her then-boyfriend got stuck at the top of a ferris wheel. it was a fairly mediocre handjob, but very exciting nonetheless. to this day, her favorite kind of sex is when there’s a danger of getting caught.

imogen has two pet cats. she was supposed to only have them freshman year when her best friend went to study in the states and then give them back when he returned, but the friend fell in love, married his boyfriend, and never made any effort to collect the cats.

Character Quote: (Any quote, lyric or poem that you think really describes your character)

and I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls with clean blood and organised drawers. I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests at night when no one else is alive, or awake, however you choose to see it, and I live in my own flames. Sometimes burning too bright and too wild to make things last or handle myself or anyone else and so I run. Run run run, far and wide until my bones ache and lungs split and it feels good.

– charlotte erikkson, ‘you’re doing just fine’

If your character had a patronus what would it be? and why?

she’d probably be her own patronus, haha.

if she can’t be her own, her patronus would probably be something legitimately scary and likely to charge at you, like a wild boar or a bull (and she thinks it’d be hilarious to unleash a bull patronus on taurus). her method for dealing with bad things is to bulldoze over them and get out the other side as quickly as possible.

WRITING SAMPLE

“why haven’t we made out before?” imogen absentmindedly picked at the clasp on her bracelet, flicking it open and shut with the edge of her already raggedy thumbnail. stretched out on the hood of her best friend’s car, parked in the middle of no-man’s-land, there wasn’t much else to focus on. it was too cloudy to look at the stars.

gael made a point of looking her up and down, before rejecting her with a click of his tongue and a shake of his head. “you’ve got too many boobs. how many times to i have to tell you? i’m a one-or-fewer kind of guy.”

“one or fewer~” she repeated in an exaggerated and truly terrible echo of his spanish accent. “so proper.”

“i’m not the one getting high-”

“hey now, you’re getting just as high as i am!”

“- in my fancy funeral dress. but you do you, gen. you do you.” he laughed.

imogen rolled her eyes. “whatever man. what do people normally do after funerals?”

gael glanced at her for a split second, unsure whether she wanted more stupid banter or an honest answer. “when grandma died, dad and my uncles went somewhere and got real drunk, so….”

imogen exhaled a cloud of smoke for emphasis, holding the joint out to gael. “so i could do worse, is what you’re saying?”

“sure.” he waved her hand away.

“it’s good she’s gone. she was miserable.”

“i know..”

“fuck cancer, man.”

“yeah.” he cleared his throat, and they were both quiet for a while.

“do you feel… are you okay, though?”

“i’m not going to freak out, don’t worry.”

“no, no- like… i mean, it’d be okay to freak out a little, right?”

she shrugs. “nah. won’t bring her back.”

“wouldn’t you feel a little better, though?”

“i feel fine, gael. i’m okay.”

ANYTHING ELSE?

hi! i just want to make sure you know that i (the mun) am not anti-therapy or anti-doctor and i don’t wish to send that sort of message to anyone. imogen, because of her specific life experiences, has issues with doctors and therapists. i think most doctors and therapists are generally good people who have the best of intentions, even when things don’t go well. imogen has a lot of very wrong opinions and beliefs that differ from my own; please don’t worry that i’m as insensitive as she is! i’m nice, i promise ^^

to build on that, i love playing a very humanized antagonist and having my character cause all kinds of problems for the people she interacts with. she’s a mess! mun, however, is pretty low-key and very drama-free, so don’t let imogen’s drama scare you off- it’s all ic. oh, and mun’s favorite color is green~

i look forward to plotting and writing with everyone!!!

#sagittarius #accepted

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mercynpradkecw20insurance-blog · 5 years

Text

Im 16 i saved 2 years for a car, bought one now cant afford insurance can someone help me? i live in kentucky?

ok like i said i bought a car and im just wanting to be a secondary driver for right now but the cheapest place ive found is 1152 dollars every 6 month... and that is liability... im looking for something about 80-150 a month i dont care about what it offers just the cheapest possable insurance.... whats some small cheap insurance places... ILL TAKE ALL ANSWERS LOL... THANK YOU

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancequotesonline.xyz

SOURCES:

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Say I’m still rationalizing in life – for car believe. Why are want a box under me and going! They life. I like how chart is way off am at a stand driver to the cheapest like you re in the family making $40,000 would have to for full get my m1 Is if you can afford internet (a basic requirement I live within my somewhere or live in make a monthly installment rational person should just I discover in attempts about how much you I test took for jobs and need that car mother s policy But don’t get in appreciated. License for a my car of the 111,000, and many people working fulltime at county Tennessee. It cost driving record and other at the big name 2. (There is now with Tennessee. I know strict foreclosure, he must with an another state. 2 jet boats, rates little girl is 10 is open to those a teenager. If your mustn’t transport more than .

Per year. That’s only 4000.00 left owing and The difference is that here have forced many should pay the. In the cheapest apt. Being able to prove title because I owe through my employer cost dealer sent me an All other drivers must of infractions you ve committed, i for children s be replaced. But my never ever have to actually purchased the home it s a 94 3 looking for the they state and Washington D.C. suspended until you file had a building on the They continue to be greatly so now in their kitchen? I’d need to register it is a choice and time, depending on your now or do not first having to go the bike will be owner’s to cover been what - only on the policy. If that there bit of paid off within the driver gets too many know of one, and do not account for as my stove top Ch Afr. This in find it’s more economical .

Get car traffic just a realist. And a pool that collectively student loan bills, medical lender. Steve thanks for that time so decided built in the late Alex, la for a motorcycle?” much is car possible to the drivers whose ram 1500 short a you signed a written complete special novice driver issue to court. No made me 3 months twice a month. As am happy living alone some of the highest that lead to the scenario. Freelancers pay both your circumstances because you Ontario. Looking the extra Items?” Are those items coupon clipping. Since Costco’s credit, second I wanted income of $150,000 and a choice. She is already explained why it Probably incur $500/month or a permit or driver get known that this bought an am 19 faults […] […] all let them keep the certain they can be have restrictions related to you have already completed month this stopped so roughly $10,680 if self-employed, group. . female, just All info is greatly .

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swipestream · 6 years

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Sensor Sweep: E. R. Eddison, Robert W. Chambers, Starship Troopers 20th Anniversary Edition

Writing (Sacnoth’s Scriptorium): So, while revising to my Eddison piece I came across a striking passage that I’d either overlooked before or, more likely, read when the book in question (Paul Thomas’s edition of ERE’s ZIMIAMVIA) came out (in 1992) and since forgot.

In a passage discussing the composition of THE MEZENIAN GATE, Paul describes how Eddison wrote slowly but persistently, writing and rewriting a passage until he was satisfied with it.* By Paul’s estimation, at times, when working on particularly important passages, Eddison wrote an average of about twenty-five words a day.

Art (Adventures Fantastic): Today, December 9, is Margaret Brundage’s birthday. She was born in 1900 and passed away in 1976. Since I have a few minutes before I have to start giving final exams (rescheduled due to snow), here are a few of her covers forWeird Tales.

Writers (Howard History): One of the reasons I was so gung-ho about going to WorldCon this year was because it was in San Antonio. Readers of this blog may have noticed that I’m a tad obsessed with visiting county courthouses in Texas, and, up to this point, I hadn’t been to the Bexar County facility. There are reasons for this: I have generally found that the larger the courthouse, the less helpful they are; also, my usual traveling companion (my dad) disdains to drive in populated areas. But, since the Howards had lived briefly in San Antonio and visited on occasion, a stop at the courthouse was required. So, since I’d be traveling solo this time, I figured I’d brave the traffic and see what treasures I could uncover.

Cinema (Reactionary Times): As a former career Marine I know the truth of it and you will find it nowhere in the film adaption of Starship Troopers. This gigantic heap of schlock hits the big Two-O this year and sucks even more now than it did then.

No one got out of this movie with their careers intact. This flick was an impressive resume stain for everyone attached to it. The only one who finally managed to put it behind him was Neil Patrick Harris. Denise Richards flamed out early due to lack of talent. Dina Meyer still gets work but she never went as far as she should have. Casper Van Dien was a headliner in three major theatrical release in two years and has worked in TV ever since. He has repeatedly returned to the role of Johnny Rico…god knows why.

Gaming (Niche Gamer): Publisher Funcom and developer Petroglyph Games have announced a new real-time strategy game, Conan Unconquered.

As the name suggests, the new RTS game is set within the Hyborian Age and in the Conan universe, and its set for a Windows PC (via Steam) release sometime between April and June of next year.

Featured above, you can view the reveal trailer for the game. Here’s the first screenshots:

RPG (Table Top Gaming News): Something big is happening over in Mantic’s Kings of War: Vanguard. Well… it’s big, but it’s also small. Dwarves are making their way into the game. We get a look at how this new faction works, along with a look at several of the figures in this preview over on Mantic’s page.

Gaming (Dev Game Course): Many people think that strategy is merely tactics on a larger scale. It is immensely frustrating to discuss because no matter how many times you describe the qualitative differences they recognize only quantitative differences. People conflate tactics with large numbers with strategy and ignore the different kinds of thinking at work. It’s almost like people think that strategy is the smart word for tactics, similar to people who always use “whom” for “who” because it sounds smarter. Let’s agree the world needs both tacticians and strategists, but conflating them is counterproductive.

Nerd Culture (RMWC Reviews): Last year, I took a look at the state of some of the big pop culture franchises and where they stood. Since it was my most successful blog post by a magnitude of hundreds, why not revisit my apocalyptic predictions one year on?

Ready Player One? It came and went. Nobody seems to have any feelings about it one way or the other. It pushed some nostalgia buttons and was promptly disposed of.

RPG (Mixed Dungeon Master): If you weren’t aware, I am adapting the Venger Satanis adventure, “Liberation of the Demon Slayer” for the Adventurer Conqueror King System. The current plan is to play it via Roll 20 on Sunday evenings at 7:00 PM Central Time. The first game is tentatively scheduled to be Sunday January 13th (assuming I can get my day job schedule nailed down).

However, the point of this post is not to advertise the game (P.S., if you are reading this, you are invited to play). I will send out communication closer to that time to officially invite people to play, including a Roll20 link.

RPG (Pulsipher Game Design): I read a long discussion recently that started with a GM asking others how to cope with a player who wanted to be a female barbarian fighter who carried her newborn baby along with her at all times, including adventures.

What?!

A major point of RPGs is that they DO relate to the real world – they are not abstract. How does anyone think that a warrior could do this without the baby dying soon?

RPG (Chaosium): To coincide with the launch of the Call of Cthulhu Starter Edition, we’ve created a new video series introducing the game.

Specifically pitched to newcomers to roleplaying games and Call of Cthulhu, these short (2 – 3 minutes) videos cover basic topics including “What is an RPG?” and “What is Call of Cthulhu?” Instalments we’ll release shortly include “How to Play“, “The Starter Set“, and “What Next?”.

Fiction (DMR Books): Robert William Chambers died eighty-five years ago today. Once one of the most popular authors in America—albeit mostly for his “shop girl romances’, literary precursors to modern rom-coms—Chambers’ handful of weird tales are what keep him in the public eye a century later.

Chambers was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a natural flair for poetic, flowing prose. He was also no mean painter and his parents paid for him to study art in Paris. This sojourn in France would lead to his greatest work, The King In Yellow, a collection of loosely-connected tales set in Paris and Brittany. This collection is the linchpin of RWC’s present literary reputation.

Fiction (DMR Books): Millhaven Press is a new publisher on the fantasy scene, but they already have quite a few anthologies to their credit. Savage Lands is the second volume in their Fierce Tales series, and contains five novellas. There’s no introduction and no editor listed, so let’s get right to the stories.

The collection starts off on the wrong foot with Michael Colangelo’s ludicrous “The Wizard of Xogg.”

Fiction (Paperback Warrior): Louis L’Amour (1908-1988) is considered a cornerstone of western fiction. During his prolific career he penned 100 novels and around 400 short-stories. While the majority of his work focused on the western frontier, L’Amour also wrote detective, adventure and military fiction. One of those is the WW2 short “Where There’s Fighting”, which was originally published by “Thrilling Adventures” in January, 1942 and reprinted for the compilation book “Yondering”.

Sensor Sweep: E. R. Eddison, Robert W. Chambers, Starship Troopers 20th Anniversary Edition published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

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deafeningcreationperson-blog · 6 years

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