#she made me jealous by going on about her exes and then gaslit me to make me think i was the problem

[why-do-we-do-this]

After several days of slowly translating, here's my version of Cellbit's pdf, translated into English.

I've included a brief summary under the cut for anyone who might not want to read the whole thing or who are wary of the warnings.

This was my personal method of processing, and I encourage all of you to do what you need to do so as well, whether that be stepping off of the internet and letting the moss reclaim you for a while, drawing, crying it out, comprehending the beautiful insignificance of existence for as long as you need to, or talking this situation through with somebody else.

tws for:

sexual assault, aphobia, suicidal ideation, manipulation, victim blaming

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Chronological Event Summary

At age 9 Cellbit had an awkward and very violating encounter with a neighbor girl who was older than him which left him traumatized. He questioned his sexuality as he was growing up, and thought things would make sense once he actually lost his virginity, which he did to his first girlfriend at age 18. Since then, he's been sure of his asexuality. However, this girlfriend was aphobic and constantly pressured him into having sex with her or urging him to seek medical help for his lack of interest in sex. She would embarrass him in front of his friends, gaslit him into thinking that no one else would ever accept him for who he is, was physically violent towards him, and cheated on him. Once he was finally able to pull away from her, she started making incessant posts about Cellbit being abusive, mean, and jealous, which caused backlash against Cellbit and his content, and she even used his depressive period and suicide attempt as reason to incite hate against him. Cellbit remained in silence in response to this, fearing what might happen if he tried to fight back, but, with the recent new allegation that this ex made accusing him of sexually assaulting her, Cellbit had enough and broke his silence with this document. He's said that he doesn't want this to affect him and his loved ones any longer, and he doesn't want to speak about all of this any more than he already had to.

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Cellbit's pdf

MY RESPONSE, 7 YEARS LATER

7 years ago I was in a relationship with a person who lied compulsively, cheated on me, tricked me and has tried to ruin my life up until the present, though I've always tried to stay silent.

This week, she accused me of sexual assault.

This is a complete lie.

It's time to finally tell everything that I have lived through.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 22nd May, 2018]

(ex-girlfriend) "There's no normal way to ask this / I'm just curious / but are you actually asexual? / or something?"

(Cellbit) "as in, not enjoying sex? / I am"

This relationship began in 2015. I had just turned 18 and she was 20. 9 years ago. I broke up with her in 2017, two years later.

After we broke up I never responded to any of the allegations that she publicly made against me. I didn't want my followers going on a witch hunt, and even less to expose a personal relationship which used to bring me so much pain.

The only statement that I made was related to me doing therapy, I never mentioned her name and never spoke about anything that she did to me. I NEVER attacked her nor encouraged any kind of hate towards her during all of these years.

And, despite her always claiming that "she doesn't want to revive that subject", she is literally the only one who keeps talking about it, inventing and distorting more things every time, even 7 years later. And I have always maintained my quiet, always held on to my silence. But this week, she has made the worst accusation so far, and there is no more silence to hold on to.

This is a document directly relaying all the facts of what I lived, with any evidence that I could get in order to confirm things. This is not me asking for forgiveness. I am not here to try to convince anyone that doesn't like me to change their opinion.

I've learned after all these years that in this situation I always am going to be seen as the one at fault. It doesn't matter what I say. Any kind of defense or argument is going to always be accused of "silencing" her.

And, if I keep quiet, like I did for all of these years, that would be interpreted as me "keeping quiet because it confirms the truth". And she'll continue accusing me of more and more absurd things.

So then, like I said, this is not an apology, it's clarification. A report detailing everything that happened, point by point, about all of the events that were "exposed" by my ex-girlfriend. And from there, you all can draw your own conclusions.

I know that even after everything that I write here, many people are still going to refuse to consider the other side of things. There is an image that has been constructed of me, where I am a psychotic monster, which is difficult to erase. But this document isn't for the people who believe in that. This clarification is for those who have always been willing to understand.

I just want people to finally hear my story and take away what they will from it. I am no longer going to let this destroy the lives of the people that I love in the same way that it destroyed mine.

ASEXUALITY AND THE SEXUAL ASSULT ACCUSATION

I am going to begin by directly responding to the accusation that is making me publish this report after all of these years of silence. I have never been accused of something as absurd as this, and I am completely certain that I can PROVE that it is IMPOSSIBLE that this claim is real.

After years accusing me of countless things, for the first time my ex-girlfriend has decided to accuse me of an unforgivable crime. She posted a tweet that mentions me by name, implying that I sexually violated her.

Without any proof, after years of making one exposure after another, trying to destroy my image and my life, she's finally decided to call on a lie about the worst thing that she can:

[A tweet from a fan and a reply from the ex-girlfriend]

(Fan) "I'm never going to forget the details she gave about how insane it was to give pussy to Cellbit because his dick was thick"

(Ex-girlfriend) "I really want you guys to stop reviving the sexual assault that I sufferered without having any understanding of things, as if it's funny. Unfortunately, I thought it was normal to feel pain and suffer a shitload of pressure to feed into his self-esteem publicly, and so I said shit that I thought would please him. You all should be embarrassed, bunch of assholes."

I am asexual.

All of my personal friends have known for many years that I am asexual, and I had mentioned it before in some different places publically. My sexuality was never a subject that I spoke much about, but was also never something that I tried to hide.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and an unnamed individual, dated 27th July, 2020.]

(Cellbit) "[Fans on YouTube] made a compilation of all the times I've shown being asexual on the internet"

(unnamed) "afkahfkhfks amazing / people are talking about that / you're fine with it?"

(Cellbit) "It doesn't matter to me, I won't have to suffer prejudice for it if I don't reveal it directly / despite wanting to eventually, only for those who are able to comfortably accept it as is"

(unnamed) "I understand / If one day you want to, you should speak about it. I think that it's more of a positive thing than a negative tbh lmao"

To be brief, this doesn't mean that I cannot have sex, but I simply don't have interest or desire to.

[An image of a youtube video thumbnail and title. The thumbnail is of Cellbit with a quote that says "I don't like to have sex," the title is "Cellbit, are enigmas better than sex?" the video is dated to four years ago. A link to this is included in the original document]

I've always been like this, ever since I was a child. And, despite being interested romantically in people and falling in love normally, I do not feel the desire to have sexual relations of any kind.

I always grew up feeling that there was something different about me in contrast to other people. I questioned my sexuality a lot, not understanding if I was gay or if there was something physically wrong with me, and I thought that maybe I would understand everything once I lost my virginity. This happened with my ex-girlfriend, and ever since that first time I had sex, I knew that this was really just the way I am. I began researching, reading about asexuality on the internet and talking with a psychologist about it.

Despite this, I can have and have had sexual relationships in my life. I just don't feel any desire or physical need to have sex.

Including, actually, that I have a healthy sex life with my current girlfriend.

My ex-girlfriend is now accusing me of sexual assault. We had sexual relations consistently, always when she wanted, it was always her who initiated, and she always told me that there was something wrong with me. It was a topic that she repeatedly brought up to humiliate me around friends, as well. Sometimes as little jokes, but other times in much more exposing ways. On one occasion, for example, we went out with some friends and she asked for one of them to give me a "lesson on sex" so that I "do things more enthusiastically."

She also constantly would tell me that I should go to be examined and get medical treatment to try and "fix" me. All of the sexual relations that I had with her went until she felt satisfied, and then she would tell me to finish up alone.

I talked with her numerous times about being asexual when we were together. I mentioned that I'd spoken about it in therapy and that I was reading more about it in online communities. She didn't believe that it was possible, and insisted that I had something wrong with me.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 22nd May, 2018. This is a repeat image of one that appears earlier in the document]

(ex-girlfriend) "There isn't a normal way to ask about this / I'm just curious / are you actually asexual? / or something?"

(Cellbit) "As in, not enjoying sex? / I am"

Even after we ended our relationship, when we spoke again in 2018, she still invalidated my sexuality.

I lost count of how many times she made me feel obligated to have sex with her, even when I clearly didn't want to, just so that she would feel satisfied, because of the fear that if I didn't do it, she would cheat on me.

Even knowing that it was a matter I didn't want disclosed, she still spoke publicly about our sex life just to make me feel more pressured to "go and see what's wrong with me sooner."

[A screenshot of a video with the thumbnail most of the way cut out, titled "Cellbit's girlfriend talking about his dick", dated 6 years ago. A link to this is included in the original document]

I couldn't understand exactly why she decided to lie about something that she knew I would never have had the capacity to do.

THE ABUSE THAT I SUFFERED

In addition to all of that, I had been sexually abused when I was 9 years old by my neighbor when I lived inland in the countryside, and she knew about this. This is a story that I avoided speaking about the most that I could, I never had the courage to even tell this to my mother, and my ex KNEW that I NEVER wanted to disclose this to the whole internet, no matter what happened. It was something that left me with massive trauma that is still very difficult to talk about.

Very few people in my social circle know about this, because it's something that pains me greatly to remember. In 2019, I also told part of the story to some mods and people in my off-stream chat community that I trusted.

[A series of chat history messages from Cellbit, dated to 19th May, 2019.]

"The older person wasn't a man / ...... / The story starts in the chicken coop / when I, my neighbor [redacted], who was the same age as me, and his older sister were playing wedding / I was the groom, she was the bride, and [redacted] was the minister / Their parents had left the house and it was just us three in the chicken coop of the abandoned train station house / After the ceremony, we didn't kiss, but me and the girl went into their parent's bedroom to have a "honeymoon" / but, I was only 9 years old and didn't know what sex was / I just knew that people got naked on a bed / so [redacted] stayed outside of the room, and me and his sister got naked on the bed, rubbing against eachother pretending that we were having sex. I thought that that was actually real sex and was mortified, she was a lot older and I didn't know why she was doing that"

And now, YEARS AFTER living that hell, being humiliated different times by her, questioning my own sexuality, feeling used, she makes a post implying that I committed the worst and most disgusting crime that exists. A crime that I suffered through.

A person that she KNOWS would never be able to commit that. But she feels free to accuse me because until today I have always kept silent.

Accusing me of something that was literally never mentioned by her before, suddenly, on the week that I am going to participate in an international award ceremony. It's something that comes up in a new story that she deletes soon after giving people just enough time to take a screenshot, like she always does.

She always alleged that we had a toxic relationship, but now, in 2024, she accuses me of sexual assault, without any kind of proof, and never having spoken about that before in all these years.

Even after 7 years, she continues controlling my life, forcing me to publicly humiliate myself and talk about the most intimate side of my life, making me expose my sexuality and the fact that I was abused when I was a kid, just to be able to prove that I would never do something as terrible as that.

For me, this is the limit.

I have always had empathy and concern for her, and she never stopped. I just want to live my life in peace.

THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE OTHER ACCUSATIONS

I met my ex-girlfriend in 2015, at an event called XMA 2015. I had a panel to talk with some followers and take some photos after. During these events, all of the guests stayed separated in some rooms where we could talk. There, I met her for the first time and we very quickly began to flirt with eachother.

[An article heading titled "XMA Mega Arena 2015: Event assembling champions and stars of e-sports" the subtitle reads "Fans of the main e-sports titles are able to watch the championships of the major Brazilian gaming teams," dated to the 1st of May, 2015]

[A video thumbnail titled "XMA - day 1," dated to 8 years ago. It is set 6:48 into the video, a woman can be seen on camera from waist to chin]

My ex-girlfriend present at the event in a video:

[A link to the above described video, which is included in the original document] - Video proving that she was at the event.

[An article headline with the title "XMA Mega Arena 2015 | Youtubers are a big attraction in an e-sports event," the subtitle reads "On the first day of the event, content creators call more attention than the champions", a quote at the top of the article reads "Man, do you guys know if Cellbit is going to leave to give autographs?" dated to 1st May, 2015. A link to this is included in the original document]

An interview that I gave at the event, proving that I was there.

We chatted for around 30 minutes, I had just turned 18 and had never had a partner. She was older, 20, and had already had various boyfriends before. We got eachother's numbers on WhatsApp, and I left to do my panel. At the end of the event, we encountered eachother again and continued talking a bit more.

During that night, I went to send a message to her and noticed that her WhatsApp profile picture was a selfie of a man, not her. I thought that she had given me the wrong number, but I sent a message and in a few seconds saw her changing her avatar to a photo of her and responding to me soon after.

I asked who it was in that photo, and she said that it was a joke that she was doing pretending to be a friend. We continued flirting and exchanging messages for some time, until someone informed me that she apparently had a boyfriend.

She was dating a professional LOL player, and had gone to the XMA event as his companion. His team was participating in the championship of the event.

[A low quality image of an information page about XMA 2015, including the location and date of the event, and some teams]

The LOL championship at XMA that her boyfriend was playing in

When I asked about this, she told me that he was just a fling (he wasn't, they were dating), but that she was going to end the relationship soon because she claimed that he "was rude to her." She said that she was just waiting for the right moment to be finished with him because he "was in a championship and she was going to affect his career."

While this was happening, she asked me to travel to her city so that we could meet. It was there that, a few days later, we found ourselves in Monte Alto, a small town in the countryside where she lived, and we stayed together in an inn.

[An image of a travel ticket for Cellbit, dated to 13th May, 2015]

Fare to Monte Alto, 10 days after meeting her at the event

[A post by the ex-girlfriend, dated 28 May, 2020. A link to this is included in the original document]

"I lived in Monte Alto"

It was in this inn that she cheated on her boyfriend with me, and was then that I lost my virginity, believing that she already wasn't speaking with him anymore. As it was my first time, she was constantly complaining and making jokes about me being inexperienced.

That was the day that I started to understand that I am asexual, something that would become important later on in our relationship.

We continued our relations for a few more weeks, where she would always give excuses for the reason she had not broken up with her boyfriend yet, saying that she was almost finished, that there was just one more game of his, it was just one more weekend.

Eventually, she asked me to help her write a breakup message for her boyfriend in a skype call, and finally we could have a "real relationship." But, the damage was already done, and I just hadn't noticed yet. I still didn't have any idea what I was getting into, and she was my first girlfriend. I was in love with a person who was manipulating and lying to her previous boyfriend, while she did the same thing to me.

Some of the people in the LOL scene who had met her informed me that she used to "switch boyfriends quite frequently" and that they had heard stories about cheating before.

That whole situation left me extremely traumatized and paranoid, but this was only the beginning.

A few months passed, we dated long distance for some time, and afterwards the two of us moved to São Paulo into different apartments. She was living with her sister and studying at college, and I moved in with some friends into an apartment.

All of this initial context is important for what came later.

HER ACCUSATIONS

In the accusations that she made after we broke up, the events have always been distorted and described in an ambiguous manner, using words like "abuser" and "aggressor" in order to give the understanding that what happened may or may not have been some kind of assault.

Among other things, she said that: "I kicked her out of the house," that she "was locked in a bathroom," that I called her names and that I "threw her things away."

All of these stories are distortions of one singular event.

On the contrary from what she insinuated when she said that "I kicked her out of the house," we never lived together. She was 20 minutes away from me, though she slept at my house sometimes, because we were dating.

During our relationship, she was constantly telling stories about a specific ex-boyfriend. An abuser who did cocaine, sexually harassed her, broke into her house, threatened to kill himself to stay with her, and that she'd had to call the police on him before. She said that she had him blocked everywhere, but that he still tried to talk with her after years, and had even followed her back to her house one time.

Eventually, in a moment where we were together, she was using her phone beside me and a Facebook Messenger notification appeared on the screen. It was a message sent by this ex, who I'd heard numerous stories about being a psychotic abuser, apparently responding to a message from her. I have never in my life seen someone swipe a message off the screen as fast as she did in that moment.

That was that day I discovered it wasn't just that she hadn't blocked him, but that they were talking about possibly getting back into a relationship. All of those messages were from the same week, as she was still dating me.

I confronted her for cheating on me, then, and told her to leave my apartment and go home. She began to scream and cry, shoved me, slapped me in the face, and locked herself in the bathroom saying that she wouldn't leave.

She used to hit me constantly, which back then I believed was "normal" because it was my first relationship. I thought that all girlfriends must hit their boyfriends, and even more so because she was a woman and smaller than me. At that time I didn't consider it to be "actual assault," even if it did hurt me.

Even with her slapping me and shoving me more than once, I never fought back or laid a finger on her.

I knocked on the bathroom door saying that she needed to gather her things and leave my house, and she refused. This is the story that she turned into "I locked her in the bathroom"- since, because the bathroom key was kept inside the bathroom, it would have been impossible for this, and illogical to lock a person outside of the bathroom while I was trying to break up with them for cheating on me.

As she'd refused to leave, I said that I would leave her things at the exit of the apartment and when she decided to go she could look for them there. I then put her bag in the building's garage. This was what she made into "I threw her things away."

[A tweet by the ex-girlfriend]

"He woke me up, angry because I warned a friend not to talk to him anymore because my ex was jealous, so he kicked me out of the house without shoes and threw my things in the apartment's garbage."

And yes, I did call her names when I discovered that she was cheating. And she called me just as many as I called her, if not even more. She'd make me feel like a monster no matter what'd happened, literally inventing things that I never said and making me believe I said things that I don't remember saying.

After that, we stayed apart for some months, but still kept in contact and saw eachother a few times. She invented dozens of different excuses, from "It wasn't exactly that and I understood wrong" to "She was just talking to her ex then because she was scared that he would do something to me."

She always knew exactly what to say and how to manipulate things in a convincing manner. Eventually, we went back to dating again, but obviously my psyche was already completely destroyed.

With the passage of time, our relationship kept getting worse and worse. I would catch her lying about little things compulsively and all of the time. I noticed that she would always change some details in stories she told, she constantly talked shit about all of her friends and mainly about her best friend at the time, or other specific things that didn't make sense like saying she'd never felt attraction for any man besides me.

At events, she would say that other streamers were hitting on her, just to see my reaction, and in one situation in particular, she flirted with another influencer so much that he tried to kiss her in front of me. Then when I confronted him, he justified it by saying she'd implied that we had an open relationship.

Besides this, she continued having more and more violent outbursts, often in public over small things, such as yelling at me in the middle of a restaurant with my friends because I put ketchup on the side of the fries plate without asking for permission from her, and then calling an uber and leaving.

Or even to the point of creating situations to blackmail me with, like hiding the notebook I was using for work and refusing to give it back to me until I'd done what she wanted.

Another one of her stories included a party where I "abandoned her and left"- at this party, we had a fight after I saw her giving her number to a guy she'd just met while I was in the bathroom. She justified this with "He looked sad so she went to talk to him and let him know that if he needed anything he could send her a message." After that, I went to the other side of the party, and when I came back, I could not find her anywhere. I looked everywhere for her and nobody had seen or knew where she was. I had her phone with me, and searched the party for almost an hour without finding her. I thought that she'd maybe gotten a taxi home or hitched a ride with someone. An hour later, a friend of hers dropped her off at my apartment and she said that she had been on the second story of the party (which was a closed off section, there was no party there, I never would have thought of going up to the second floor to look for her) venting and talking with a friend.

She also claimed that I wasn't supportive and that I tried to hinder her from creating content on the internet, when all of the first edited vlogs on her channel were recorded on my camera, and I was also the one to teach her to edit her own videos.

She made me believe that I was dependent on her, that I would never find someone who really loved me, that all of the others would only stay with me for the interest and the followers. And I believed her.

Eventually, after two years of an extremely toxic relationship, I finally decided to break up with her in 2017.

Even after we ended our relationship she continued her behavior of compulsively lying and manipulating. In the same month that we ended our relationship, she got together with another influencer that she had been talking with for a while. In 2018, while she was still dating him, she would secretly talk with me and say that she still loved me.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex, dated 9th July, 2018]

(ex-girlfriend) "You were enough [text that is cut off on the screenshot] / just for understanding who I was / or laughing at my jokes / or staying with me / etc"

(Cellbit) "I love you / sorry that's fucked up"

(ex-girlfriend) "I love you too / eh, [I'm] equally fucked up JFDKSJKA / It's too intense to ignore"

(Cellbit) "But I could never stop fucking loving you, Flavia"

(ex-girlfriend) "Okay, look, I already knew this / IQ of 220"

(Cellbit) "And I know that you have a boyfriend and I never wanted to intrude or say anything because I know how unfair that would be for you"

Including, we had NUMEROUS conversations about our relationship where we asked for forgiveness from one another. Even with her publicly saying that "we'd never resolved it" in her livestreams, we talked normally as if everything was fine.

This is literally the last interaction that we had before she blocked me and did the streams claiming that I was a psychopath who destroyed her life:

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 4th August, 2018]

(Cellbit, in English) "Hey / ummm / I love you and think you are [incredible] okay. Maybe today is a normal day but I want you to remember that when you are feeling down or anxious or sad. I dunno, okay bye sleep well / Also this really looks like a drunk message but I swear I'm sober / [audio message] Here's Tingrinho being a little engine as proof"

(ex-girlfriend) "WHAT A CUTE PURR / and really, thank you / c:"

The last interaction before all of the exposures in which she claimed that "we'd never resolved it" and never talked about it.

After everything, she still had the capacity to use my depressive period and exposing my suicide attempt as a way to VILLAINIZE me. It was the worst time I went through in my life. I couldn't work, I started doing drugs for some months, and could only think about committing suicide every day. I only made it through alive because my BEST FRIEND went rushing to my house to save my life.

It's something that I am always going to be grateful for, something that I am never going to be able to forget, and something that he also never spoke about because he knew that it was something I was trying to forget. It was an extremely traumatic period in my life and I promised that I would never relive it.

Another story that I NEVER wanted to have to tell, and one that she EXPOSED on a livestream of hers, like somehow me trying to kill myself was proof that I am a monster.

And even after all of this, I continued my silence, watching her distort everything that we'd lived and transforming me into a monster for all of the internet, scared that if I responded, everything would become 10 times bigger and worse, and the internet would make both of our lives hell.

When I gave an interview on the program of another influencer and was asked what the reason was for the breakup, I tried not to start a war or create gossip, giving a generic answer, saying that we went our ways and that everything was fine, because we really were talking normally. My ex used this to villainize me, saying that I was trying to lie about our relationship in the interview in order to "erase my wrongs."

[A messaging string between Cellbit and the interviewer, dated 4th August, 2019]

(Interviewer) "Man, this bullshit is all exploding, do you want to speak about this with me?"

(Cellbit) "Hey, [redacted] first off I'm very sorry that you got stuck in the middle of this without having any relation to it / So, about your video, this is by far one of the most unfair things in this whole story, because she made it out as if it was a lie, but everything I said was 100% true. / Or at least that was what I thought at the time, that we had everything resolved and were both fine on our own. / Considering, she and I used to talk just fine on WhatsApp"

(Interviewer) "Magical. I imagine that she was insulted by me because of the video"

Explaining to the interviewer that what I said was true and that we were speaking normally, like the screenshot above proves, despite her not believing it.

I was always scared that everything would become a circus, everyone watching as two lives collapsed, when all that I wanted was for her to be fine and leave me in peace.

After we broke up, I spent years without being able to have a relationship of any kind with anyone, holding on to numerous traumas, believing that I would never be able to trust other people again, and that I was never going to find someone who would accept my asexuality.

It took more than 3 years to be able to finally trust in someone again, and today I am in a new relationship of almost 4 years. An extremely healthy relationship that showed me what it really means to be able to trust in someone, and has made me into someone who becomes better every day.

But, once again, like has happened many times every year, my ex-girlfriend continues reviving and creating new stories every time something relevant happens. If I'm canceled for being an asshole and banning a guy playing Tetris, if another creator is canceled for an abusive relationship, or if I'm a participant in an important international award ceremony, she appears once more, posting something about the subject, and deleting the tweets some time later to remain in the role of someone who is being attacked and "not left in peace." Just like she's probably going to do again now.

With the passage of time, she has gone from distorting events to inventing completely new things, until at this point even the public is starting to question her motive for bringing up the same topic again and again, like saying that I "controlled what she ate" or that I "tracked her location with GPS" which are complete lies.

She also enjoys blaming me for things that I don't have the smallest relation to, like saying that my fans made her lose her Instagram and "lose job opportunities," when in reality her Instagram account was reported when she was canceled for a post complaining about an event and was mocked by various influencers and sites.

[An Instagram post by the ex-girlfriend]

"I did an event with them, two days to earn 1500 reals. They gave me the cheapest room in the hotel. IT DIDN'T HAVE ROOM SERVICE- dinner options were risotto or lasagna (both microwave meals) and I had to get it downstairs. I have half a million followers and I seriously felt like a nobody."

The post of hers that resulted in the mass report that deleted her Instagram

Another thing that keeps being said incessantly on the internet is that I "never suffered any consequences even after she exposed all of that"- I lost dozens of contracts from all of the publicity agencies and producers that closed their doors on me and never invited me back to events or ads. But, I never publicly complained or disclosed this, because more than once that has resulted in a war involving the public.

All that I could do was keep working and keep believing that at some point this would all end. But everything that happened caused a surge of hate against me which generated accusations of various very serious and unacceptable crimes that random people on the internet all believed I'd committed, even without having any proof at all.

And I will not stand this any longer. I cannot put up with this knowing that my mother receives threats and terrible DMs, seeing people telling my girlfriend to kill herself or cheering for her to be abused in order to confirm the theories and accusations of my ex-girlfriend and see "Cellbit exposed once again"

[Three tweets from fans, all responding to one tweet made by Cellbit's girlfriend addressing the ex's allegations]

"In a max of 2 years she's going to post that Cellbit ruined her life with psychological problems, that he was abusive and forced her to post this"

"I hope you get fucked a lot!!! You and your shit boyfriend"

"Guys, remember when he attacked his girlfriend? Go fuck yourself Cellbit, kill yourself you piece of shit"

And I'm going to continue prosecuting everyone who continues to invent lies about me on the internet, it doesn't matter how much the engagement. If you have something to say, it's best to have proof you can take to court. It took me too long to understand that I didn't need to stay silent in the face of the atrocities that were said about me, and I am not going to stop again now.

They have already destroyed my image and my life on the internet, but I am not going to let this continue with the people close to me. I want to be happy with the people that I love, and I am not going to accept being treated like a criminal any longer.

She accused me of sexual assault, something that could end me publicly, believing that I would likely not respond because I have never responded before. She was not accusing me of being a mean, jealous or possessive boyfriend like she always used to, she accused me of a serious crime.

And now, she's going to set herself back into a position where this document is an attack on her, when all that I am doing is defending myself from the worst false accusation that has been made against me, of a crime.

I want to make it CLEAR: this document is NOT an attack or an attempt to induce hade against anybody. I am simply defending myself and giving my statement of the facts that happened. I DID NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS, but it was the only way to be honest and true to all of the people who have supported my projects and my community.

I know that people who already disliked me, whatever their reason, are still not going to believe me. Like I said, I am not here to try and change anyone's opinion.

In the end, here in this document is the proof of a pattern of lying and manipulative behavior that has happened with many people before me and that continues to happen with me repeatedly. I just want to live in peace knowing that I finally accounted for all that I experienced, and leave the space for people to draw their own conclusions.

[ihardlyknowher3139]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

(Entry 1) (pt 4)

Im tired too… again if you want context look at previous posts

So Sally and Tessa join me and we all just start laughing about all of that bullshit and how Patricia JUST realized that she instigated shit. And we just laughed about it and then we all went home. When I got home I realized that maybe ex bestie might have felt a little cornered in the argument (even tho they cornered themself in by starting the argument at all) and I knew that stuff like this could lead to strong emotions and them just not being ok mentally. So I reached through text separately to talk if they felt like there were unshared feelings. And it was all just them talking me about how I’m fully in the wrong. And I apologized that I made them feel like I didn’t care cuz I subconsciously texted them less. But like always they can’t apologize for anything cuz OBVIOUSLY they are right. I walked away feeling like I was completely wrong. My mom knew what was going on already cuz I had told her so she asked me what’s wrong. I told her and she said that I wasn’t in the wrong and this I just classic ex bestie. And then I realized that maybe I got gaslit. I realize that every time I was mad at them I would talk to them and tell them how I feel but every time ex bestie was mad at me, they would give me the silent treatment. Somehow it was always about them being the victim and I was the unreasonable one. Ex bestie at that conversation had asked where we were and I said that I don’t consider them a bestie but I’m fine with being just friends. And then ex bestie said they don’t want things that way. So we’re not friends anymore. Which feels weirdly freeing.

Bonus shit:

1. Remember Shane? Well me and Shane had became very nice friends in the past couple months and that seemed like a catalyst for how ex bestie was behaving. they were clearly jealous.

2. I had gone on a trip to a different state for a few days. And I hadn’t given my last tests cuz I was sick and I didn’t study for the retests cuz I was on a trip. Ex bestie sends me the schedule for re-tests. I am frustrated cuz I have to study 6 subjects in the next 2-3 days. So I was clearly frustrated and was expecting at-least some kind of motivation from ex bestie but all I got was a “I told you so” ass response. So in frustration I say “well that’s easy for you to say” and then ex bestie got mad at me and ghosted and ruined my trip in the last couple days of it. Ain’t that neat? I thought our friendship was ending BACK THEN. And I was clearly wrong. But I’m glad that it ended now.

3. I recently had sent a snap to everyone of me jamming and lip syncing to happier than ever on my Snapchat and if you know the lyrics you can guess it was a little pointed. But then I saw a notification that said “ *ex bestie* screen recorded chat” and then I was just on the floor laughing.

4. Ex bestie is always obsessed with looking “aesthetic” to the point where they had planned a picnic to “have fun” (but they really wanted insta pics) and they wouldn’t let me bring cola cuz it doesn’t match the aesthetic. :))))))))))))))

Anyways I’m tired fuck all of this. IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[prismatic-starstuff]

-

[mrsbsmooth]

I’m trying to forget about the mess that the writers have made, soooo - if you were in charge of writing this season (we all wish it were true, let’s be honest), what kinds of jobs would you let us, the readers/players, pick for MC to have? What kind of customisation would you add to their personality/life? I’m just trying to envision a season where the writers aren’t lazy as fuck 🤡 imagine this season if we got ACTUAL choices? Branching?! Oooof.

Okay, so in and of itself, I think the characters themselves are fine. They need fleshing out, and they need a lot more depth, but Suresh, Alfie, Finn, Eddie, Pete, Johnny, and Nicolas are, at the very least, different from each other.

The girls have zero depth. Kat is the best written out of all of them, as she actually has some depth and character development. Once again, they've done our brown girls dirty, making Arlo a jealous bitch, Dana a two-faced snake, Meera a wallflower (until she comes back and then she has to be bitchy to get her man, wtf?).

Rewriting the season?

NUMBER ONE.

MC needs a fucking personality. We need a backstory. We need a job. We need interests, and hobbies, and we need things to matter. We need to have a wider range of reactions other than "I care, I don't care, I don't know how I feel."

Let me tear up. Let me go scorched earth on a bitch. Let me complain and whine and be selfish. LET ME FUCKING GRAFT.

NUMBER TWO

We need our choices to matter. If I reject Suresh, he should be rubbing Arlo in my face. If I'm hinting that I might want him back, he should be more subtle about it, and at least be a bit more worried about hurting my feelings.

If I tell Eddie I want to climb him like a tree, he should fucking PICK ME AT THE RECOUPLING! If I make out with Finn behind Kat's back, I want her to find out and go PSYCHO on me. CONSEQUENCES, PLEASE!!!!!

NUMBER THREE

The dialogue needs work. Dana saying 'Bonkers-Tonkers' or Suresh saying 'Shut up, you idiot!'. I'm sorry... what is this... primary school? IDC about the Apple Store's crackdown on sexual content. It would have been so easy to just make Dana say 'That was insane!' and Suresh seethe out a "Stop talking, mate." A corporate lawyer is not going to just randomly burst out with a childish insult when he gets upset, I'm sorry, that is not how arguing works. Also in this vein CAN WE HAVE SOME ACTUAL SEX SCENES PLEASE????

NUMBER FOUR

Give me some information about the damn love interests *sobbing*. Alfie's dog is named Benji? Finn has five older brothers? I fucking LOVE that, GIVE ME MORE! I want to know about their hobbies. I want to know about Gary's Nan, and Noah's brother's swim team, and Bobby's mates in the kitchen, and Henrik's book he's reading. I want to know about Priya's insecurities. Tai's broken pottery connection to his Dad. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT KERRY THE IRISH SETTER!

Give us details about the characters, for god's sake. I NEED MORE.

AND FINALLY

NUMBER FIVE

Everyone needs to stop being so goddamn mean to MC.

Exactly how is it my fault that I hugged Suresh, Kat overexaggerated what happened, and then hooked up with the guy I liked, and everyone's walking around like it's my fault?

Exactly how it it my fault that my ex is so hung up on me that he can't stop talking about me, and Arlo is feeling insecure about it?

Exactly how is it my fault that Gabi is here, and is a bitch to me from the very first words out of her mouth?

If it was me in the villa, I would have burst in to tears weeks ago. This season is straight up bullying MC. She's being gaslit, blamed for everything, tortured, and dragged through the mud, and for what? For some half-assed dedication from Johnny/Nicolas, a confession from Finn that will likely go nowhere, and being kicked into the mud by both Suresh and Alfie?

ALSO I LOVE HOW ALFIE LITERALLY SLEPT WITH MC AND THEN THE NEXT DAY HOOKS UP WITH KAT AND THEN BRINGS MEERA BACK FROM CASA SAYING HE HAD A BETTER CONNECTION WITH HER OH ISN'T THAT FUCKING CONVENIENT Alfie you god damn snake.

[jungk0oksthighs]

i know nobody asked but here’s a little life update that i really want to share with you all: tw: abuse. tw: sui mention. (non descriptive but this is a low-key sad post, but also not really sad actually the opposite but abuse is a heavy theme)

yesterday i discovered that my abu$!v3 ex boyfriend and his girlfriend of two months split up. just like he did with me, he lied to her, manipulated and love bombed her, gaslit her and shockingly enough: cheated on her too. (i know all in the space of a two months tf) now i’m not gonna be the ex that says “yeah well she knew what he did to me so she should’ve seen it coming-“ like no; he probably didn’t divulge into the details of our relationship and if he did he 100% made me out to be the villain of our story. he’s very good at that. i have nothing but raw sympathy for the girl, i’ve been there, but in a way i’m thankful that she found out now as opposed to later down the line. i wish i had an early escape from him. anyway:

what i wanted to share with you all was the relief i felt, because to me this is further confirmation that i was never the problem. it was nothing i did. he didn’t cheat on me because of me. it wasn’t because i look a certain way or act a certain way. it had nothing to do with me, what he put me through. the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting, love bombing etc. making me doubt myself and my truth, dampening my dreams and stripping me of every ounce of personality, passion and love that i had.

i don’t want sympathy!! that’s not why i’m posting this!!!! i’m actually in a really good place right now, and knowing that what he put me through isn’t a reflection of me but a reflection of himself is just… there are no words to explain what i’m feeling. it’s like relief mixed with smugness and the way your mouth falls open when you have a eureka moment and there’s a bittersweet ache in my heart too.

ofc all my friends and family told me repeatedly it was never about me and that he’ll do it again and again and again and move from victim to victim, but actually knowing that, having someone say to me: ‘did you hear what happened? he did the same thing to her.’ it’s such a strange feeling. i feel sorry for the girl, i really do. i’ve never interacted with her because even if i did try to ‘warn her’ i would’ve been made out to be the psycho jealous ex girlfriend, honestly some of the shit he says about me… wild. so i didn’t want to get involved with that and i genuinely thought maybe he’s changed in the last 8 months who am i to say he hasn’t? maybe he was only like that with me, because it was me

no, it really wasn’t about me. i wish i could go back in time to january laura who literally wrote a sui note and didn’t eat for fifteen days straight because i was convinced if i looked different maybe he’d still love me. maybe if i dyed my hair, or what if i got my tattoos removed? it’s because i have big hips and thighs isn’t it? maybe i should stop doing makeup and spend more time at home. baby no, january laura no. it was never about the way you look, or because of your hobbies and interests. it was never about you girl. i cried myself to sleep every night for three months because that man fucking broke me. i genuinely didn’t know who i was anymore. and just when i started healing he toyed with me again and said he’d changed, slept with me, told me he still loved me and that he made a mistake, messed my head up only to say two days later: “it’s not what i wanted after all guess i was wrong lol. i’m not even attracted to u never have been dunno why i said i love you cause that’s just a lie.” another two months of agony, self-hatred, tears.

cut to now things have been better, i’m healing slowly and learning how to love myself and rediscover my passions (eyyyy ya girl started writing again hehe). BUT KNOWING FOR A FACT that he’s done it again, to someone who isn’t me. who doesn’t look like me. who doesn’t have my likes and interests, therefore it was never about me, is such a powerful feeling. i cannot put it into words, it’s the closure i thought i’d never get. i’m just??? i’m not happy that he’s tore someone else down, but i’m happy for me. this is what i needed, what january laura needed and i feel so light and free and blessed that i made it this far to have this realisation.

i guess the real reason why i’m writing this, and i don’t really expect any of u to read this but i don’t keep a diary so in a way this is very therapeutic for me to dump my thoughts and emotions here, this post is mostly for myself if anything. but why i’m writing this is just to say… if anyone can relate to my situation (ofc i’ve never gone into heavy detail here that’s what i have a therapist for LOL) but if there’s someone out there with a broken heart, who feels unloveable and doesn’t know anything about themselves anymore: things do get better. hang in there. i know everyone says it everybody said it to me and i was like yeah yeah ok sure, but trust me, as someone who has lived and breathed this life - things do get better.

abusers don’t abuse their victims because they’re their victims.

they abuse their victims because they’re abusers.

[prcttylittlebirds]

openpassionates​:

VENUS COULDN’T HELP it anymore. the laughter that she was trying to fight off begins to slip past her plump lips. the laughter stems from how unbelievable it was that chris had the audacity to say such a thing. she knows how hard she worked for their relationship, and she wasn’t going to allow herself to be discredited. “i absolutely did love you more than you loved me, chris. i know that it’s hard but i should’ve been worth maturing for. i should’ve been someone that made you wanna change and be better but i wasn’t.” she disagrees with his notion that his stubbornness was only a character flaw. although the relationship between the two was rocky, there was a moment in time where aiden was able to grow up and stop resenting gabriel to the point of not wanting to be in the same vicinity as he did. if he wanted to and thought you were worth it, he would’ve. “that’s so stupid to let one-sided things interrupt us. our relationship really didn’t deserve how you treated it as if it was like your other ones. i don’t like that.” she shakes her head. venus didn’t care about their relationship being over now. talking things out was healthy. as much as she wanted to dodge potential arguments, she didn’t expect perfection. “i felt like i had the biggest gentleman in the world when we first got together then after the last break-up, i realized i was gaslit and manipulated. i put too much effort in a relationship with someone who had a lot of baggage and was verbally abusive to me. and it made me feel like another ex of yours who you’ll be telling stories to when it comes to the next victim.”

usually the sound of venus’ laughter would bring a smile to chris’ face, but today isn’t one of those days. he’s still able to stay relaxed, even though he’s starting to get irritable. “what’s so funny? i’m serious. i loved you and even though i didn’t show you that as well as i could, it doesn’t mean you loved me more. you were worth maturing for.” chris can’t just sit here and allow venus to tell him how deep his feeling for her are. things would’ve been easier to adjust to if gabriel kept his feelings for venus under control. “whether you want to admit it, believe it, or whatever… gabriel could’ve hid his feelings better. being in a room with the two of you has always been insufferable.” there isn’t a better word that chris could think of that would describe how much the sight of them together bothers him. yes, he is an insanely jealous man, but denying their chemistry wouldn’t even be logical. he stares at her, giving her his full attention as she continues on explaining how he has made her feel before answering. “you aren’t like my exes. our chemistry isn’t the same. the feelings i have— had—the feelings i had for you were not the same.” he quickly catches himself, before saying too much. “the last two relationships suffered because i was selfish and angry and grieving and i didn’t care who got hurt because i just needed to stop grieving. i didn’t care about the abortions because we were all cheating anyway. nobody wanted or needed a kid. the difference is i care about you and i wanted a baby with you. i wanted a marriage and i really thought we’d work.”

[existentialwannabe]

I’m just going to write everything down here because I  can’t write it anywhere else, I  guess it’s not safe.

The world is at its peak worst right now. Whether it’s due to the fact that COVID-19 has brought the absolute worst out of the American government and the American people while the rise of dead black bodies increase, it’s a fucking MESS. I  can’t help but write about this because it just seems that even during a world pandemic there can not be any clarity of human interaction, human communication, and human existence that can just exist on a neutral plane. I  rewind my thoughts back to September of 2019 and think about how abhorrent it was to have to deal with Kiley post Kiley-gate. I will openly admit that the way I  handled the “break” of our relationship was not fair to her because I  did not openly communicate my need to not want to be her friend. I  always kept her at ease by saying “I  need more time” which was just a buffer for the words that I  was afraid to say which were “I  don’t want to be your friend”, “You scare me”, and “You’ve manipulated me to the point where I  don’t feel comfortable looking at you”. It was overwhelming and the heaviness in my chest felt like a 20 pound weight that I consistently carried from Sept. to Dec. of 2019.

 I was overtly zealous in thinking that things could feel “normal” or “better” when she left even especially since I  had personally grown and cleansed myself as much as I  could. But it didn’t get better. The other problems that were gasping for air underneath the depth of what Kiley did resurfaced in a dramatic and suffocating manner. The next demon that I  had to fight in the apartment was Soph. I  always denied the comment that Kiley always made that her and Soph were really more alike than people assumed. Sadly it pains me to give this to her, but she was right. Soph was a less “in your face” version of Kiley. Her actions, her words, and her lack of action showed its face as swiftly as a breeze. MK and I  have a tendency to see issues as something ignorable, which is not a very positive quality for us earth signs. MK ignored the fact that she had to pee in water bottles/cups at night to avoid Soph’s wrath because she knew it would be better for her mental health. I  ignore Soph’s coldness and backhanded compliments as a way to just never leave my room to avoid confrontation. Our ignorance manifested into a mechanism that would later be weaponized in a way that leaves me and MK feeling so extremely tired.

I’m jealous of MK because she was able to escape the apartment and live with her boyfriend in a way that saves her the trigger/emotional drain of 116 Winthrop Road. I’ve decided to quarantine with my mom in order to help her out because she’s in NJ all alone and having to be an essential worker in NYC during this very scary time. MK found Kelly, a subletter and one of my students, who would take her place. Albeit the transference system of Kelly coming into our apartment was NOT healthy because Kelly lied about her partner being with her for a while... things felt very out of control. I  don’t know if I  have the heart to tell Soph that I  primarily left because I  couldn’t deal with having to run into her into apartment, or wait forever to go to the bathroom, or receive passive aggressiveness for trying my best to maintain a certain space... I  really left because I  couldn’t deal with her. I’m still now afraid to go back because I  literally do not want to look at her in the face. I feel horrible for saying that because that’s unkind to say about another human, but it’s how I  feel. 

I  feel like these past two years of just living with a situation of humans that “seemed perfect” has entirely broken me. I  lived with Kiley who claimed to be my best friend but really just used me. Naturally, used most of her very close friends as ways to stabilize herself that no one really consented to. When I  think back to our “friendship”, I  just think about the one time she told me that “I    have the responsibility to fix her when she’s depressed because that’s what a good friend/good person is supposed to do”. I  think about the times that she’s barged into my room and forced me to speak with her at all hours of the night because she knew I  couldn’t lock the door. I  think about how her definition of a friendship was just meant to be a transactional method of taking all of the good energy from others in order to make her feel something. I  constantly grind all of those gears in my head and the worst part about it all is that I  am a master’s psychology student... I “should know how to get all of it out”, but I  really can’t. 

Kiley is someone that keeps living in my head rent free alongside my ex and all of the others in college who gaslit me into thinking I  am a bad person. This quarantine is emphasizing the fact that these unconscious thoughts that I  used to suppress everyday are burning so ferociously inside of me. Quarantine is reminding me that I  really need therapy and that I  really need to grow more into a person. At this point in my life, I  think I’ve done just a phenomenal job pretending that I  have everything together... but I don’t. I’m not a fully grown emotional person who has self integrity and tenacity to face the world and others.

This notion brings me back to Soph. I know that I’m not a full person because she reminds me that I’m giving losing all of my humanity to individuals who make me feel small. She has power over me in a way that she doesn’t deserve. I  see her as a person and I  have my observations. In my brain, I’ve broken her down to a tee. 

Soph is a strong product of her environment. Her parents, who she does not “overtly” like, are capitalists who have shaped her to think, breathe, and really only treasure herself... and her money... and the fact that her work entitles her to think less of others who don”t work as hard. Her parents have such harsh understandings of reality and are trump supporters, but still provide her with an unconditional love that she rejects. This is the most strange quality about her because her parents have given her everything from therapy to full financial support... and that still isn’t enough for her to thank them for flowers, driving hours to give her food, or for being alive. The complexity of this relationship affects her ability to handle others. 

Romantically, she’s really had one “serious” relationship with a boy that cheated on her freshman year of college. From there, she does not know how to handle “intimate” relationships so she subjects herself to just sleeping around and keeping any form of male relationship casual. It’s so interesting to me that she does this BUT lets the men have power over her because she recognizes that she wants more... but with the wrong type of men and for the wrong reasons. She becomes obsessive while also experiencing a deep form of denial that affects her mental capacity to function and emote properly. She even let the last guy that I knew of who she was sleeping with, physically abuse her, and she still slept with him afterwards even though she had a complete mental breakdown.. even though MK and I  had to convince her that, that was domestic abuse and she should escape a situation she still has the privilege to do so... but she still slept with him and doted on him like nothing was a problem.

She is a really bad roommate. She keeps her pans and pots in her room because only she can use them. She has very strong affinity from making sure that every financial transaction is “fair and equal”. Even though she charged MK a $1 once because MK asked for and consumed one of her ginger candies that Soph frequently ate. Soph does not do chores. She barely cleans her own dishes. She has never cleaned any form of the apartment whether it was Linden or Winthrop. She does not take out the trash, buy communal supplies, or remove her goddamn hair from the shower drain. She leaves the toilet paper rolls empty. She lets trash and recycling reach full overflow and have the audacity to say someone should take it out. She uses the bathroom for 2 hours at night to do her routine and pick at her skin which leaves others holding in their bladder or needing to find another way to release or else she gets aggressive. She dismisses you if you acknowledge her if her door’s open and you don’t want to seem unkind when you pass by her room. She makes every conversation about herself or revert back to herself. No one is allowed to have an issue with her or else she is the victim. “Her opinion doesn’t matter and she might as well be quiet” because every time she vocalizes an issue that literally involves her need to change, adapt, or release some of her power/privilege she gets disgustingly defensive. She, at this point, has asked me to lease my room because there's no point of me having a room in the apartment if I’m not there. 

There are so many levels and now that I’m out of the apartment, MK is out of the apartment, and Kiley’s replacement Julia is out of the apartment... it is Soph, Kelly (a stranger to her), and to my fucking surprise Karley (a sublet for Julia who was never mentioned to me) in the space. So rather than handling her issues with being surrounded by foreign personnel who she can’t manipulate or know will submit to her actions, she is now becoming passive aggressive which puts me in MOM mode because Kelly is someone that I’ve known for years and I’m protective. I  know Kelly has made mistakes about not letting anyone know about her boyfriend’s temporary stay, but the way Soph is trying to evacuate her out of the apartment is out of proportion. Soph claims that she doesn’t want to “house a freeloader” until September even though this person comes from a very bad circumstance. She had the audacity to text me that her father was in the same situation and wouldn’t do what she did which PISSED me oFF bro. It will always revolve back to how her or her family are better in circumstances and doing things in a more/different “moral/fair” circumstance. 

At 213.9 miles away, I  have to diffuse fights and have conversations about living situations. It’s ridiculous that if Soph is not accomodate to the highest degree above everyone else, than everyone has to suffer. No distance limit required. Today I  texted her and said that I’m financially good, can handle my shit and that she needs to stop worrying about it forreal. I  can pay for my shit and me not being in the apartment provides less conflict????? BUT I  have to sublease or come back?? No way. I  know she’s struggling with strangers in the house, working from home, the pandemic, and the apparent “debt” that she is going through but I  can not physically fathom how she can still be such a domineering person over an apartment that she does clean, take care of, or respect only because she’s currently the only person there right now with her name on the lease. It’s just unimaginable. As I’m typing this and rewinding the conversations I’m having with Kelly, having with MK, and having with Soph. I’m tired man. I want this pandemic to be over, or more or less have it be august so I  can be free of Soph.. I  really hope she recognizes that we probably won’t have a relationship post quarantine and post this lease because we didn’t even have a stable one when we lived less than 6 feet from each other. It’s sad that I’m going to basically have to “Kiley” her because this person has taken away years from my life and gained them in ways that are abusive. It’s truly unreal for me and on top of not sleeping from the uncertainty of the future and the huge spike of white supremacy with the lives of black people at stake, I  have to have her own my mind as well. I   know I  have the power to control it for me, but I  can’t stop thinking about how unfair she is definitely being from afar to others who really DON’T deserve it. Welp, there's my mess of a thought process. 

[prismatic-starstuff]

Update: Her latest 'defense' is that I am just copying her last ex and I didn't mention any of these things to her.

I have a screenshot of the last message that I sent to her before I blocked her on all platforms, from September 4th, in which I mentioned all of these subjects. No, I was not polite; it was in the middle of an argument, caused by her adding the ex who she repeatedly made me feel uncomfortable about to a facebook group that she had also added me to. (This was the ex she made me very uneasy about by being suspiciously invested in this ex's current relationship, and going on passionately about how much she'd thought this ex was hot and how obsessed with her she had been to the point where she was jealous of her hairdresser for getting to touch her hair and how happy she was that they were talking again. For context: when I asked for comfort about what she'd said about this ex, she blew up at me, gaslit me into thinking I was in the wrong about it and I ended up apologising for it, and made me feel as though I could not vent my problems to her yet I needed to be understanding when she made me uncomfortable about this and her continuing feelings for her other ex. She made me say I would work on my jealousy and abandonment issues, which I do have due to past relationships and an absent father, but she refused to acknowledge how she had hurt me and that all I was asking for was comfort and reassurance and that would have put my fears to bed.)

I will send this screenshot if requested.

So... I was very unsure about making this post, but after being advised by my friends, there is something I need to say.

There is someone in the Silmarillion/LotR/Tolkien fandom who is targeting people who cosplay or roleplay as her favourite character, Sauron, and getting into relationships with them. However, when she gets into relationships with these people, she does not care about the person, only their character; although she is very sweet on the outside, she victimises herself, she tries to isolate their partner from the people close to them, she instigates arguments, she makes you feel as though you are in the wrong and that you are always the problem, she pokes constantly at your insecurities, and she tries to turn you against others.

Earlier, I posted about how I have realised I was in a mentally abusive relationship. This is the person I am talking about.

This person is abusive, manipulative, she lies about people, and she tries to ruin other people. I spent the better part of three months crying often due to how she made me feel, and she could not see how she was responsible for any of it.

I have examples of this behaviour, and sadly, I have discovered I am not the only person who has been on the receiving end of it.

And that's the purpose of this post. I have never made a callout or warning post before here, I do not like speaking badly of others, but I cannot stay quiet about this because the thought of her abusing another person just like she did with me and the others truly makes me feel sick.

If you would like more details, please feel free to DM me. If you are in the Tolkien fandom and are interested in Silvergifting, roleplay, cosplay, and/or Sauron in general, please be careful because you are in her area of interest.

Take care, everyone. I love you all. 💜