#she likes to play but she's really not toy driven... may be difficult

[whippetcrimes]

The progression. First, run from pool. Then be very uncertain about it. Then, only partly unwilling swimming

[sagescented]

We made the trip to Midwest City last night to meet the puppy, and she was so worth the trip.

We're absolutely heartbroken to find out that she's had zero interest in her, while all of her 5 siblings left really quickly. Because she's so sweet; a little timid meeting us at first, but warmed up to us pretty much immediately once she assessed we weren't a threat. I even got a full out flop from her before we left.

She loves water. She's very curious about everything. Loves sniffing around outside (I think she'll do great with snuffle mats and puzzle toys). It's easy to get her riled up to play. But generally she's very lovey and just really loves pets and exploring; a very chill, kind of "go with the flow", people loving personality that takes no nonsense.

At one point she got annoyed by another dog barking at us, went up to the fence, and let out a very "grown dog" bark at it, and basically "put it in its place" ??? I don't think that Dog barked more than once or twice for the rest of the time we were there after that. But it was cool to watch her do, actually.

She only alert-barked at another dog once or twice, and only because she's not used to that one being there, they said. And she was great with being redirected away from doing it, instead of continuing to bark like most Dogs would keep doing. So we're very happy with that.

She's had plenty of exposure to both other dogs and cats, and has lived in households with cats through both of the fosters she's been with. So she already knows not to chase. She's even had squeaky toys, already, so we may not need to implement a squeaky toy ban like we did with Whisper- and boy will that make toy shopping so much easier. She's been exposed to a variety of toys already, too, and they said there's only really one that they've found she doesn't like so far, and those are the nylon chew bones. Which ,fair. None of my Dogs've liked those, either, so far. I can't blame her, ha.

She does have some issues with being possessive and resource guarding. And they said there's also some issues with her needing her own space to sleep. But we've dealt with food possessiveness with Whisper and got her knocked out of it pretty quickly. It's not too difficult to do with proper handling. Needing her own sleeping space isn't going to be a problem, since she'll be in her own Kennel at night.

We did notice she is fairly thin, however. You can feel her ribs when you pet her- which means someone isn't actually feeding her enough; a lot of people don't actually realize you have to feed larger breeds more, especially as puppies. So this is more common than I'd like unfortunately. But it does make me wonder how much of her food guarding and food driven behavior (and oh boy were they not joking about how food driven she is) is really just her needing to be fed appropriately for her actual size and weight class. Because she's definitely going to be a very big dog despite originally being the runt of the litter, and it shows.

We love her dearly. She seemed to like us a lot (I got a flop !!!!). So we're going to move forward with the adoption. Fingers crossed 🤞

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

How would describe shameless to someone who never heard of it? How would you describe the specific characters?

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve these super fun asks, but thank you so much! :D It’s funny that you sent this because I did actually describe the show to someone not too long ago, and I didn’t like how I did it in hindsight. I felt like I didn’t do it enough justice. So, I get a second chance to try again!

“How would you describe Shameless to someone who never heard of it?”

Shameless is a show about how life doesn’t always go our way, we don’t always do the right thing, and we’re all imperfect beings—but we still deserve a chance regardless. The Gallaghers begin the series nearly at rock bottom, doing anything they have to for their literal survival, but also to keep their family together. Sometimes that means supporting each other when they’re in a difficult spot, banding together to help their neglectful father even though he doesn’t deserve it, or even committing petty crimes to sustain their meager way of life. As they get older and have more agency in and control over their lives, the nature of their problems shifts, and they learn from their own mistakes rather than reacting to their parents’. The same trends unfold for the people and families in their orbit, showing that various trials and tribulations can impact anyone of any social standing. Not everyone gets a happy ending; not everyone gets what they want. However, they grow and learn how to manage both the hand that they’ve been dealt as well as the bed they’ve made for themselves. That, after all, is life.

Shameless is a “dramedy” where the comedy elements utilize primarily satire, which sets it apart from the popularity of slapstick and dry comedies over the last decade. By nature, the show therefore addresses difficult, uncomfortable, and controversial topics in manners and utilizing methods that are designed to make us laugh at the absurdity while forcing us to think about these topics in ways that we may have avoided otherwise. This format has been established since the pilot episode and certainly is not to everyone’s taste. I wouldn’t recommend this show to anyone who prefers that such issues be addressed with a deeper analysis on the part of the characters rather than the audience, which is the general tendency in drama pieces rather than shows of this genre.

“How would you describe the specific characters?”

For this, I’ll focus on the main Gallagher family, Kev, V, and Mickey, as they’ve been the constant presences on the show since the start. I’ll also keep it relatively short since I could write essays on each one, and that would bore anyone who hasn’t heard of Shameless (and 95% of those who have) to tears.

1.      Frank Gallagher is the stereotypical “deadbeat” who plays the system for every penny so that he doesn’t have to work, choosing to fund his addictions rather than support his family. He will go to any lengths if it means preserving this lifestyle—mild, absurd, and even heinous. He functions as something of an anti-hero, being more a threat to the family’s stability in early seasons than a boon and gradually sinking into obscurity because of his children’s growing indifference as he burns one bridge after another with them. Frank prides himself on espousing only the values that will get him what he wants in a given circumstance. In specific instances, that has meant showing a measure of love and affection for his children that evidence has proven exists deep, deep below the surface. In others, he’s a wild card. Frank’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, addiction, selfishness, and an avoidance of any and all responsibility.

2.      Fiona Gallagher is the eldest and began the series as the rock of the family because, to put it simply, she was the only person able to do it. She selflessly cared for her younger siblings so that they wouldn’t be scattered into foster homes or adoption thanks to her parents’ neglect, even to the point where she gave up portions of her life and blurred the lines between her roles as sister versus caregiver, which became a sticking point in later seasons when her siblings didn’t need or want a mother-figure anymore. While Fiona was initially very responsible with regards to raising her siblings, she therefore sacrificed a lot of opportunities that were important for her development as a young adult and exhibited an immaturity typical of people her age that impacted other arenas of her life, especially relationships. As her role as caregiver dwindled, that immaturity and the norms prevalent in her environment became more pronounced with her newfound freedom, and she struggled greatly in the face of what she viewed as making up for lost time. Fiona’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “martyr complex,” and viewing her family as an impediment to her ambitions later in life instead of a support system.

3.      Lip Gallagher is the oldest son. He began the series with a hefty chip on his shoulder. Intelligent, quick-witted, and calculating, Lip was constantly referred to as a sort of diamond in the rough and clearly came to believe it. This led to a very fascinating dynamic within the family and his other interpersonal relationships as his love for and desire to protect his family was balanced by a sense that his way was the best way—the only way, really. A combination of poor choices and unfortunate circumstances beyond his control resulted in a very real “fall from grace,” by South Side standards, and Lip has worked hard to claw his way back from where he was in the middle of the series. Where Fiona spiraled further as she withdrew from her family, Lip leaned on them and others in his support system—and it saved him. Lip’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, contempt for power structures in which he is not at the top, and trying to solve other people’s problems at the expense of dealing with his own.

4.      Ian Gallagher is the middle child and something of an outlier in his own right where his family is concerned. He began the series seeming to have his shit together: he balanced school, ROTC, and work, excelling in all three at just fifteen years old. He was plagued by his status in the family at times, not old enough to have more control over his situation while not young enough to shrug off a lot of it on Fiona and Lip, and wanted something for himself more than anything. It’s that combination that put him in an extremely vulnerable position, because while he was the picture of responsibility and didn’t orchestrate as many scams as his siblings (though he was involved in plenty—he is South Side and a Gallagher, after all), it gave him—and his family—the false impression that he was more mature and in control than he was. Multiple older men preyed on him because of that, and in his thirst to find something that was solely his and someone he could care for outside his household, he viewed them as relationships rather than abuse. Like Lip, Ian truly hit rock bottom in a different manner, although the causes of his descent were more heavily skewed beyond his control. In true Ian form, however, he remains driven to find the straight and narrow—and stick to it as much as he can. Ian’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “hero complex,” compartmentalizing to the point of narrowmindedness or naïveté, and ignoring his own needs in pursuit of fulfilling others’.

5.      Debbie Gallagher is similar to Lip in that she has always been clever, cunning, and driven to get what she wants. Debbie began the series in a difficult position, going to school and contributing to the household while ultimately not in control of anything that was going on. From the start, all she wanted was a functional family, and it colored her behavior throughout the first six seasons of the show. In many cases, that meant doing whatever she could to hold everyone together: investigating Fiona’s lying boyfriend, running a daycare so that Fiona could work all night and still find time to sleep, prompting Fiona to more actively worry when Ian ran away and helping Lip locate him, and caring for Liam a lot of the time while he was a baby. Over the years, as the dysfunctions racked up, she sought an escape through boyfriends and a baby of her own. The means by which she attempted and ultimately failed to achieve these goals were at times reprehensible and spurred on by both her immature ignorance and the culture in which she was raised. Debbie’s various fatal flaws have included self-centeredness, envy, manipulative tendencies, and not thinking or caring about the implications and consequences of her actions for herself or the people involved.

6.      Carl Gallagher began the series as a real mess. The word “sociopath” comes to mind. He was the stereotypical “wild child” whose behavior embodied the dysfunctional nature of the family and their environment. He destroyed toys for fun, tortured animals, physically bullied children at school, and was held back multiple times for poor academic performance. Carl was never as academically bright as the other Gallagher siblings, but his street smarts were nigh unparalleled and, like Lip, he could probably survive anywhere. Over time, Carl underwent a remarkable transformation: embracing the negative stereotypes of his environment, he dove towards rock bottom with gusto only to realize that the thug life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Once again, he paralleled Lip and Ian’s trajectory in leaning on his family when it became too much, and he’s turned his entire life in the opposite direction to pursue a path that he hopes will lead to helping people rather than hurting them for his own gain or reputation. Carl’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, a penchant for violence, and ignorance.

7.      Liam Gallagher is still very young and therefore tougher to fully characterize as his development isn’t as extensive. Right now, he’s the same age Debbie was when the show began, and we’ve seen just how far she’s come. So, for the time being, Liam is extremely bright and has grown up with a great deal more privilege than his siblings. He doesn’t remember saving for the squirrel fund with fears of not being able to eat all winter in mind. He doesn’t remember what it’s like to worry about Frank or Monica’s actions having an enormous and lasting impact on them. He doesn’t remember Lip dropping out of school and moving out of the house, Monica’s actions at Thanksgiving, Fiona crying over crumpled bills from working at the sport bar, Ian going missing for four months and coming home a different person, or Debbie lying about Patrick just so they could keep a roof over their heads. Liam didn’t grow up with those things, and so he has the luxury of being a kid a bit more of the time. However, because his parents aren’t around and Fiona left the house a long time ago despite being his guardian, he has matured quickly in lieu of any real supervision.

8.      Kevin Ball and Veronica Fisher have been the Gallaghers’ closest allies in the neighborhood all this time. Kevin isn’t the brightest academically or in terms of common sense, but he has a good heart and makes the best decisions when he uses it. He has been through a lot, between foster care as a kid, a crazy ex-wife, trying to keep the Alibi afloat, and raising twin daughters that they definitely didn’t have the means for when they discovered that they were expecting two kids. And Veronica… Well, she’s quite literally his other half. She’s savvy and smart, intelligent and assertive—they complete each other. They began the series as an established couple experiencing some growing pains, especially when Veronica was giving the Gallaghers everything from use of their shower to their toaster while Kevin insisted that they needed to focus on themselves before they could help Frank’s kids. (He talked a good game, but when the chips are down, Kevin has always been there for them too.) They’re good people who’ve been given a few bad shakes and taken a few wrong turns, but their love for each other, their kids, and the Gallaghers has made them a surprisingly strong heart of the show. Kevin’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, ignorance, and not standing up for himself. Veronica’s various fatal flaws have included avoiding communication about her feelings and indecisiveness.

9.      Mickey Milkovich is the stereotypical personification of their environment. He began the series as a poor thug—and a dirty one, at that—who exuded such a presence in the neighborhood that he instilled fear at a mere glance. His family functioned as a foil to the Gallaghers, perhaps what they would have been if Frank had been a different person or they’d fallen even further. Mickey didn’t benefit from an emotionally supportive family that banded together to provide for more than merely monetary concerns, not to mention that his father was openly and violently homophobic, so it took a great deal of time and overcoming numerous internal and external hardships for him to come to terms with who he is on many levels. Over the years, Mickey was self-employed or acted with his family as a drug dealer, a pimp, and a prison hitman; worked for a drug cartel; and has engaged in any number of other scams and illegal activities in order to make ends meet—and he has been quite happy to keep doing so as it plays to his strengths. Mickey is remarkable, however, because he has always been a multifaceted character whose problematic decisions, abrasive mannerisms, and questionable lifestyle didn’t and don’t negate that he cares very deeply and will do literally anything for the few people he allows to get close to him, specifically Ian. Mickey’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, avoiding communication about his feelings, and not reaching out for help when he needs it.

~*~

That was quite a bit longer than I initially intended, but I had a great time putting this together. Thank you again for the ask! 

[satoshi-mochida]

Publisher FuRyu and developer Historia have fully launched the official website for The Caligula Effect 2, detailing the game’s idols, main characters, Obbligato Musicians, and systems.

Get the details below.

[Very long post below the cut]

■ Story

Redo, the World Without Regrets

The mysterious virtuadoll Regret. Those who hear her songs are one by one taken into another world. “Redo” is a virtual world created by Regret and manufactured by the mistakes of peoples’ past.

“If only I had done that at the time…”

Redo is a world that realizes the desire held by all to start over. A world where you can make the decisions you chose against in the past, Redo is a lukewarm world without regrets, where you can live out the “what ifs?” of life.

Another Diva and the Go-Home Club

χ is another virtuadoll who is attempting to destroy the fabricated world of Redo. She chooses the protagonist, who realizes that this world is not reality, as a partner and lends them her power. The Go-Home Club is formed by students who learn of reality’s existence after a certain event and aim to return to the real world. And thus begins the extremely difficult return home against the creator of the virtual world.

True Appearances of the Go-Home Club Members

However, the Go-Home Club members’ appearances in Redo are nothing more than a “what if?” that disregards reality and rewrites their past regrets. The true appearance they hide is a taboo that only the player can discover. Embark upon this journey at your own risk and make choices free from regret.

■ Virtuadoll

Regret (voiced by Arisa Kori)

A mysterious virtuadoll that suddenly appeared to the world. Her origin and details are unknown, but her mysteriousness proved effective as rose to fame and gained overwhelming popularity on video streaming websites with her mystical singing voice. With the power of that popularity, she created Redo, an ideal world without regrets, and has imprisoned those suffering in the real world in her virtual world.

χ (voiced by Mayu Mineda)

Another virtuadoll, who opposes Regret and is trying to destroy the fabricated world of Redo. Feeling she is unable to fight Regret with her power alone, she chooses the protagonst who awakened to reality as her partner and lends them her strength. It seems she cannot fully understand human values as she is a prototype virtuadoll that never officially launched in reality.

■ Go-Home Club Members

Protagonist (voiced by Tatsumaru Tachibana / You Taichi)

A second-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. Leader of the second generation Go-Home Club that aims to escape from the ideal world of Redo. The protagonist was chosen as a partner by the virtuadoll χ, who plans to destroy Redo, and gives her half of their body.

Gin Noto (voiced by Aoi Ichikawa)

A second-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school and the protagonist’s classmate. A modern high school student who wears the latest fashions, and is driven by excitement and emotion. He is also manly and a good friend. With a personality that allows him to read the room and be considerate, he has a number of friends both guys and girls.

Shota Tsurumaki (voiced by Kento Itou)

A third-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. A straight-laced and stubborn member of the discipline committee who values order above all else. He is just and upright, and has a strong sense of responsibility, but can also be unreliable and blindly follows others, such as by immediately proposing a majority vote to avoid making a final decision himself.

Ryuto Tsukishima (voiced by Kouki Uchiyama)

A third-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. He has wisdom and knowledge beyond his years, so much so that the other students make call him a boy genius. Since he is even-keeled and does things at his own pace, he tends to come off as cold at first glance, but is really not a bad person. He often clashes with others for saying things without sugarcoating, but they are often statements said considering the interests of the group.

Kobato Kazamatsuri (voiced by Yuuto Uemura)

A third-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. As his appearance suggests, he is a frivolous young man and school celebrity. He has an unshakable personality and will shamelessly say he does what he does for the sake of popularity, which earned him both consistent support from the guys and vigilance from the girls. He is proactive and inquisitive when it comes to his amusement, and refuses to do anything unpleasant. He is not very cooperative with the group.

Kiriko Miyasako (voiced by Yume Miyamoto)

A first-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. Her short blonde hair is her trademark. At first glance, people tend to fear her for her flashy appearance, class absences, and dry personality that does not pander to others, but she is the one with the most common sense in the Go-Home Club. She is highly capable and good for her improvisation, quick wit, and extraordinary courage, but dislikes being relied on and does not put herself out there as much as possible.

Sasara Amiki (voiced by Sumire Morohoshi)

A third-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. A beauty with a gentle personality who always has a grin on her face. She is treated as an airhead whose speech and conduct are often a beat behind those of everyone else. It is difficult to understand what she is thinking, but she has a strong love for the members of the Go-Home Club and shows exceptional dedication when it comes to putting herself at risk to protect her friends.

Niko Komamura (voiced by Hiyori Kono)

A first-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. A bright and simple-minded girl. The optimistic type with a glow in her eyes who will interact with anyone and everyone with the goal of having more and more friends. Despite her proactiveness, she is not very skillful or good at contemplating or theorizing difficult things, and often goes in circles.

Marie Amabuki (voiced by Mai Fuchigami)

A second-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school and the protagonist’s classmate. A kind-hearted and helpful beauty with good grades and a no-nonsense demeanor. She is a model honor student, relied upon by the other students to the point that she was selected to become the Tatefushi Academy Student Council President in her second year. She cares for the protagonist however possible.

■ Obbligato Musicians

Machina (voiced by Shun’ichi Toki)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician. An android who wished for a machine body from Regret. He is extremely loyal to Regret, and treats her orders as absolute. He never fails to patrol Redo to maintain public order.

Pandora (voiced by Tomoyo Kurosawa)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician. A cool, calm, and collected woman who speaks very little. She is an artisinal musician who loves to spend her time surrounded by flowers, working silently to make music in the depths of her favorite garden. Her work room in the garden depths is an insular space sealed off from the outside world.

MU-kun (voiced by Taku Yashiro)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician. A boy with an eccentric appearance and flashy hair. With his sense for music and fashion, and unconventional and exorbiant conduct that make up his “space communication” character setting, he steals the hearts of young as the most popular musician.

#QP (voiced by Inori Minase)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician, second-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school, and the protagonist’s classmate. The fact that she is a Obbligato musician is a secret and she attends school everyday. She is a beauty that has a tendency to seek romance, and there is almost never a time that she does not have a man by her side. The reason she hides the fact that she is a musician is because she thinks the elaborate title is unattractive.

Doctor (voiced by Kazuki Kato)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician. He works as a doctor at the hospital on the outskirts of Okitama City, and is always pushing Kranke around in his wheelchair. He has a cool and blunt personality, but is devoted entirely to his contributions to Redo and actively works on musical activities. Other than Kranke, he prefers not to interact with the other musicians.

Kranke (voiced by Yuuki Takada)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician, and a third-year student at Tatefushi Academy senior high school. He is unable to walk due to a leg injury, and is pushed around in a wheelchair by Doctor. His thoughts are hard to grasp since he tends to act like his mind is not present, and he always has a faint smile on his face. Many are drawn to his music and the world it weaves, which is dark beyond his fragile impression.

Kudan (voiced by Mariya Ise)

Composer: ???

An Obbligato Musician. A promotion and agitation specialist. She lies like she breathes and toys with the hearts of others. She is in charge of persuasive propaganda and public relations on behalf of Regret, who does not talk much. She often quotes wise figures from history, manga, and anime.

Bluffman (voiced by Takehito Koyasu)

Composer: ???

The leader of the Obbligato Musicians. A man of many mysteries who hides his face behind a mask. He is always at Regret’s side and plays a managerial role, acting as the ringleader who assembles the musicians in her place. He is said to be such a senior composer that even the new generation Obbligato Musicians acknowledge his superiority. His principle of conduct is to make Regret an absolute being, and he always maintains that Regret is superior to the virtuadolls of the past.

■ System

Character Scenario

The Go-Home Club members’ appearance in “Redo” is no more than an alternate version of themselves written over their past regrets. The reality each Go-Home Home Club member faces is full of trauma and pain. However, it is up to the player to discover why these individuals still wish to go back to them. Embark upon this journey at your own risk and make choices free from regret.

Battle System: Imaginary Chain

A battle system in which you predict the future and chain combos. The basic in-game battle system is turn-based, but once the player selects an action, the outcome of that action is revealed. Collaborate with your friends to strategize and overcome disadvantageous situations.

■ Additional Screenshots

■ Special

Limited Edition (Japan)

The limited edition includes:

Special album CD Side.�� (nine tracks with vocals by χ)

Special art book (100 page)

Oguchi-illustrated image reproduction

The Caligula Effect 2 documentary movie DVD

Additional music downloadable content (three tracks) – “Orbit,” “Distorted † Happiness,” and “Suicide Prototype” from The Caligula Effect

Equipment item downloadable content (three items)

Special box with visual illustated by Oguchi

Pre-order Bonus (Japan)

Pre-order to receive the special album cd Side.Regret (nine tracks with vocals by Regret).

The Caligula Effect 2 is due out for PlayStation 4 and Switch on June 24 in Japan, and this fall in North America and Europe.

View the screenshots at the gallery.

[kneamet]

Angel of cards (12/16)

Trigger Warning: no.

Summary: Joker, Mr. J, anarchist psychopath, Tom Hiddleston. He had many nicknames. Joker was Gotham’s most dangerous and insightful man, with sharp makeup and horribly memorable scars on his face in the form of a smile. He was absolutely crazy and deadly. No one knows his real identity and everyone is afraid of his cruel jokes. But what happens when he becomes obsessed with an ordinary girl?

She belongs to him. No one can take her away from him. Even The Batman.

Chapter twelve: point of no return

"So Harvey Dent didn't make it home," the Gotham Police Commissioner said in a calm, but slightly anxious, and broken voice.

Gordon's brow furrowed and he only drew it closer to the bridge of his nose, clasping his hands together. The Joker, who was now in the room with the lights off and James, only smiled slightly.

Did this wonderful commissar have any negative feelings for him? It's really wonderful, really. The Joker, just the Joker, always found Gordon a very nice and interesting person. In the Komi Republic, to be more precise, the only person in whom that very piece of light remained in a dark and unenlightened city.

Even Batman himself, this personification of "kindness and honor" was more likely... just a toy that, although it wanted to protect Gotham from crime, but which will definitely cross the very point of no return and madness... He just needs to be pushed to do it.

"Of course not," the Joker said, smiling. Damn, he thought, starting to brush his scars more. The handcuffs, which rubbed the skin and made it difficult to touch the scars, were extremely difficult. And why are they so big?

"What did you do to him?" in a steely voice, without ceasing to be serious, the man asked, to which the Joker raised his eyebrows and made an actor's surprised face, slightly opening his mouth.

Although he couldn't hide the fact that Gordon liked him too much. He looked a lot like the Joker's father. Not at his stepfather, not at his beloved mother's boyfriends, but at his own father, who always helped him until he died.

The Joker didn't really remember the cause of his father's death. Either because of the accident, or he was killed in an alley, or he committed suicide himself. He didn't remember. I was too small then. Nor did his mother help him to console himself afterward.

"I? I was here," the Joker clearly said, gesturing at Gordon, who was concentrating, unlike the man himself, on absorbing all the information that was being conveyed to him. "Who did you leave him with? With your people?" The Joker smacked his lips, starting to scratch his hands and trying to make it not visible. Unfortunately, his gloves were taken away. What an injustice, isn't it?

"If they're still your people, of course, not Moroni," the damn Italian guy, who's playing the hell out of himself. The same to me, a criminal authority, that even during the day is afraid to attack.

The Joker smiled at Gordon, who took a deep breath. That's right, contempt. Yes, and a misunderstanding. Didn't they understand that he wanted to make the world a better place? And that was the difference between him and Batman.

"It doesn't bother you, Commissioner... realizing how lonely you really are? " loneliness... what do these people know about real loneliness and misunderstanding? That's right, nothing. Although, when you get lost and all your loved ones abandon you, you realize that it's time for the exodus. "Do you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current situation?" it was a quick throw-in. He didn't care about Harvey Dent, though. Yes, he was also interesting, but if you compare all his advantages with those of Gordon, you can immediately understand who has more of that light in the dark.

"Where is he?" it was obvious that Gordon was trying to restrain himself and not yell at the criminal present, with whom he had to babysit and interrogate. It's just a pity that James didn't know that this most ruthless criminal had saved him.

"What time is it?" he asked quickly, trying to distract attention.

"What's the difference?" asked Gordon, seemingly oblivious to the Joker's random throw-ins.

"Depending on the time, he may be in one place or several," he said, prioritizing and moving his cuffed hands as if to indicate something.

"Since we decided to play games... I'll get a cup of coffee," Gordon jerked his chair around, which was a little jarring, and headed for the lighted door, tugging on the handle.

"The game' good cop, bad cop', guess what? " the criminal smiled and straightened his green hair with shaking hands.

"Not really," Jim smiled for the first time. A pleasant smile, Joker noted, just like his father's.

***

"Daddy, daddy, look, I'm a pirate!" exclaimed the little curly-haired boy, drawing from his bosom a small sword as tall as he was, and pointing at his father with it. The boy towered over his father, standing on the couch.

The man just smiled sweetly. He considered his son the most important thing in his life. A ray of sunshine, not a child. A kid who deserves better.

The man's smile faded for a second. His mind began to recognize the unpleasant thoughts and he looked away, looking at his hand, which had only a couple of badges left on it. One week or seven days left. Not much to catch up on.

"You will be my navigator," the boy said proudly, sheathing his sword in an imaginary scabbard. The man smiled and knelt ostentatiously, raising his hands in the air as if in surrender.

"But who are you, my dear boy Tom?" asked his father, with a mocking smile. Tom smiled fondly and drew his sword again, pointing upward.

"I'm your captain, and if you don't listen to me, I'll kill you!" the boy exclaimed loudly, raising his eyebrows and opening his eyes wider with excitement. He poked his father with his sword, and the latter, like an actor, fell from his knees, falling down as if struck by a toy sword.

"Dad, are you okay?" Tom threw the sword aside and ran to his father, sitting on his knees and leaning forward to face him. The man lay motionless until he suddenly opened his eyes abruptly and raised his hands to his son's sides, whose gaze changed from alarmed to smiling-frightened.

"Gotcha, little imp," the father whispered softly, beginning to tickle his son. There was a loud laugh from little Tom that couldn't be stopped.

***

"Where are Dent and Blake?" a loud bass voice asked, as if driven through an auto-tune. The Joker looked up. That's right, Batman, how could he forget that he was here.

Oh, how harsh he is now. It's like something out of a superhero movie that Tom loved so much when he was a kid.

Wait, did he say his angel's name? His favorite angel? How dare he, no one can say her name, only himself. And this guy in tights. More precisely, it wasn't a leotard, but it wasn't important at all.

But now he needs to be distracted from that. Is he interested in listening to talk about his angel? No, the Joker would definitely talk to Batman about his angel and maybe...

No, Tom! Don't even think about the Joker's favorite angel! It belongs to him, not to you! The Joker shook his head and licked his lips, scratching his head at the same time. That idiot Tom, you don't come here at the right time. Don't stop the adults from talking.

"That's right, don't stop the adults from talking," the Joker muttered as much as possible. It's a good thing that Bruce Wayne, who is hiding under the mask of Batman, does not have such a developed hearing. It's really nice. "These mafia idiots want to take you out... to bring back the past, " he said, blinking rapidly and repeatedly, licking his lips again, and lowering his head, but not taking his eyes off it. "But I know the truth. The situation is not reversible. You changed everything. Forever, " he shook his head and pointed at the man who had slightly opened his mouth with his hand.

"Why do you want to kill me?" what a languid voice, the Joker noted. Is Batman trying to pick him up? Maybe remind him that he has his favorite angel?

"I don't want to kill you," the Joker said, shaking with laughter. His laughter was too crazy, too selfish, too much... "What will I do without you? Robbing the mafia again? " Suddenly, his sudden laughter came to an end. He adjusted his suspenders with his right hand and shook his head. "No, no. No. No you... you complete me, " as if explaining something to a small child, the Joker said, gesturing with his hands again. Wait, did they take the handcuffs off him? He looked down. Really, how nice

"You're a creature who kills for money," Batman said sternly. The Joker saw his lips tighten. Another person expressing contempt for him? What kind of bad luck is this, the Joker asked theatrically in his head.

"Don't talk like everyone else. You're not like that, even though you want to be, " the criminal advised, as if saying something obvious. Well, it might have been obvious to him, but it wasn't obvious to Batman. Although, maybe the Joker was accepting his mental abilities? "To them, you're just crazy... like me. They need you now... and you'll get bored... they'll throw you out like a leper. Their principles, their code... these are just words that are forgotten at the first danger, " the Joker said, watching as Batman's face, or rather only his lower part, twisted his lips more and more.

Oh, dear, dear Bruce Wayne, why are you so angry?

"They are what the world allows them to be. I'll prove it. When things are bad, these... civilized people... they'll eat each other. I'm not a monster. I can see right through them, " obviously, right? Joker thought, but he hardly expected to be taken by the shirt now. Batman, clearly already angry, leaned him against the wall.

"Where are Dent and Blake?" the man spoke through his teeth. The Joker's mouth dropped open. His jaw was shaking.

"You have rules. Do you think you'll be spared? " he asked, holding onto Batman's strong arms. Hell, really strong. What a strong man he is.

"I have one rule," Bruce said, Oh, sorry, Batman, only pushing the Joker harder against the brick wall.

"That's what you'll have to break to find out the truth."

"Which one?" asked Batman, loosening his grip slightly, as if interested. The Joker could feel his scowl.

"The only reasonable way to live in this world is to live without rules. And today you will break your only rule," lowering the Joker to the floor, Batman only put his foot on his body, pinning him down. Oh, the Joker sighed slightly. No, he rarely felt pain, but now it really hurt. It's unpleasant when you squeeze your stomach with a foot made of some kind of plastic. He laughed hysterically, trying to hide the pain he felt from the world. "There are five minutes left, so you'll have to play my game... If you want to save one of them”, just give him a little push, the Joker thought to herself, and he'll be broken.

"'Them'?" there was so much hopelessness in his voice. It seems that this little rich boy has begun to understand something.

"For a moment, I thought you were right, Dent. When he rushed after her," Batman grabbed the Joker's suit again and pushed him painfully onto the table, quickly closing the door with a chair that only hindered them. Let us at least perform some useful function.

"Look, a. Does Harvey know about you and his baby? Are you in love with my angel after all?" Joker asked casually. Rachel, unlike Dent, had never interested him. An ordinary, boring person who reminded him too much of his mother. Her name was Rachel, wasn't it?

"Where are they?!" the man roared, grabbing the Joker again, but this time throwing him to the floor. At this, the criminal only laughed. How funny it is. Same to him, hero.

"Killing is also a choice," the Joker tries to deny, raising his hand and leaning one on the floor.

"Where are they?!"

"Choose," the man delivered the ultimatum, biting his lips lightly and licking them again, hoping that everything was fine with the makeup. Most likely, it is unlikely to wash off. "Your friend, the district attorney, or his beautiful fiancee. Or maybe you want to bring my angel back to you? You have nothing to threaten me with. All your power is useless, " he was acting psychologically on him. He encouraged me to make this choice in every possible way. On this difficult and disturbing choice. A choice that can affect a large number of people.

"Don't worry, I'll tell you where they are. Both. That's the whole point. You'll have to choose," Batman opened his mouth, looking into the eyes of the possessed man.

This is the point of no return. That moment was the tipping point. He will let the darkness into his heart. The hero who, without blinking once at eye contact with the abyss, looked at it directly, looked away for the first time.

[atlaskat]

Bakugou Katsuki -- psychological analysis (meta)

I’m not a psychologist, just a social science student studying for an exam, so take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also not totally up to date with the manga (I’ve read up until volume 17). Please feel free to add your own thoughts in the replies if you want to, or call me out if I make a mistake. 

------

I won’t be speaking too much on biological factors, but I think it might be good to just go through some thoughts I have on the matter. In psychological theory, there’s something called “temperament”, which is essentially a child’s most basic form of relating to the world. A well-known experiment on temperament is the famous Marshmallow experiment, where small children were presented with a marshmallow. If they could wait a certain amount of time without eating it, they would receive one more. Follow-up studies on these children showed that those which showed restraint and could wait for the marshmallow had generally gotten further in life -- these children often developed the capability of making and sticking to long-term plans, and were able to work much more methodically than their peers. 

I think Katsuki would be one of the children that waited for another marshmallow. At first glance, he seems very impulsive, rushing into battle and relying on his brute force -- but I’m actually very sure that this characteristic is part of his later development, and not part of his temperament. The reason I believe this is because he shows a very clear understanding of a much bigger and long-term picture. He is very committed to becoming a hero, and this commitment entails behavior which isn’t completely typical for people his age (such as studying hard, never slacking off despite his delinquent-like persona -- even in middle school --, sleeping early, training very hard to maintain his physical condition even as a young teen, etc). This shows his self-restraint, and his ability to plan ahead.

(I’m aware that the amount of pressure to do well in education is very different in many Asian countries, but compare Katsuki to for example Kaminari -- who also wants to be a hero, but is at the bottom of his class and doesn’t seem very good at planning or studying hard. What I think is most important here is to highlight Katsuki’s commitment).

I would also argue that heritability play a role in Katsuki’s personality and cognition. Intelligence and capability to learn have some hereditary factors, which I think apply to Katsuki. It’s difficult to say what came first in this regard though -- a child might be born with a slight affinity for learning (being able to memorize things quickly could be such a trait), but this doesn’t mean they become “smarter” because of it. In this specific case, the humanistic approach of “without the right support and challenge, no child will reach their full potential” is applicable. 

Still, I think Katsuki was born with at least some higher capability to grasp new concepts, which I think plays a part in his, at least partial, understanding of what it takes to not just get on top but actually stay there. Quickly memorizing new information could also play a part in the way others view him -- thinking he’s skilled, amazing, even as a small child -- which in turn fuel both his willingness to learn and his ego. I think his kindergarten years are hugely important, more on it later.

The last thing I would like to say Katsuki was born with is extroversion. This personality trait can be studied in the brain -- the “reward systems” of the brain (mainly dopamine production and the middle brain as well as around nucleus accumbens) react stronger to positive emotions. I say “born with” because of its clear hereditary implications (and as I think this trait comes from his mother Mitsuki. However, it’s possible to theorize that instead of being born with extroversion, Katsuki was born more or less without neuroticism, which occurs when the activity of the amygdala is higher than normal. This leads people to be more anxious, cautious, and avoid situations which might cause unpleasant emotions). Katsuki was very young (2-4 years old) when he first began enjoying being the center of attention, which I think shows he was born with extroversion.

Katsuki’s attachment style  Since we haven’t seen that many interactions between Katsuki hand his family, especially not as a child, this part will contain a lot of my own theories and headcanons, sorry about that. 

Attachment styles are easily perceived phenomenons studied in depth by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. Ainsworth noted that a child’s style of attachment manifests itself in two primary forms:

Stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. After 6 months of age a child will show an autonomous need to be close to, or seek comfort in, their “object of attachment”, usually a parent (often the mother). This need becomes apparent when the child is introduced to a stranger, or left alone, through signs of stress/anxiety. 

Ainsworth devised a test to study these anxieties -- the “Strange Situation”. The test looks like this:

The child arrives in a new room together with the mother

A stranger appears

The child is left alone with the stranger

The stranger leaves

The mother returns

All in all this only took three minutes. The most interesting part was the child’s reaction once the mother came back -- its attachment style was most clear then. 

Children usually have one main attachment style, which have two categories with a few subcategories. Secure attachment The child clearly prefers the mother to the stranger. It might cry or be anxious while the mother is gone, but stops as soon as she returns. These children go on to use their object of attachment as a secure base while they explore the world, meaning they return to seek comfort if they experience something negative, but quickly recover.

Later in life, these people can regulate emotions with more ease. They also cope better with adversity, and are able to connect better with people their age (forming deeper relationships). I believe Izuku was a securely attached child. Insecure attachment This form is more complicated. It has three main categories:

1. Resistant attachment The child has attached itself to in this case the mother, but the attachment is less stable. The child is anxious to let the mother out of sight -- doesn’t trust she will come back. The child may continue crying even after the mother returns and cradles it. 2. Avoidant attachment The child, generally doesn’t cry and doesn’t show its physical/emotional needs. Often it will act a bit aloof -- avoiding or completely ignoring the mother. It will act similarly towards the mother as with the stranger. These children have learned that their natural behaviors to attract attention from their objects of attachment will lead to rejection, so they suppress the needs for affection/comfort. More often than not they still experience the same levels of anxiety as other children, but don’t seek their parents to soothe them.

Disorganized attachment The child shows a lot of contradictory behavior, such as crying to be picked up, but immediately wanting to be let down again, often as a result of being scared of their object of attachment. People who were insecurely attached as children generally have more emotional problems, and are at higher risk for mental illness. I believe Katsuki had an avoidant attachment style. The attachment style of a child is largely based on the behavior of the object(s) of attachment, the parents. Insecure attachment is usually the result of parents not understanding/being unable to provide the comfort their infants seek. My theory is that Mitsuki is, like her son, a very determined and career-driven person. Like I’ve said before, I think she’s extroverted, but I also believe that she doesn’t easily connect deeply on an emotional level with people. This could be a result of how she herself was treated as a child -- as we tend to mimic our own parents -- or simply just her personality. Her own emotional needs might not take up a big part of her life, or she doesn’t really need others to comfort her, which in turn means she might assume others are the same. Ainsworth had a few criteria for a “good parent”:

1. Responsive 2. Permissive 3. Cooperative 4. Psychologically available

I think Mitsuki was, or is, lacking in most/all of these. Clearly, from what we’ve seen, she’s stubborn and knuckle-headed -- while she might have been responsive to baby Katsuki, she might not have known how to handle things beside his clear physical needs, like keeping him fed and clean. If she was also working during this period, as I would definitely assume (considering her job as a fashion designer and how well-off the family is; they live in a huge house), her availability might have suffered. Think like this:

- Mitsuki is tired, but has to finish work - Katsuki begins crying - Mitsuki changes his diaper and feeds him, but puts him down again to work - Katsuki starts crying after only a little while, but nothing ‘looks’ wrong (he’s fed, clean, warm, etc) so Mitsuki goes back to work - Katsuki continues crying, which frustrates Mitsuki because ‘nothing is wrong’; she might snap -- such as yelling, ignoring Katsuki further, or leaving the room entirely. As Katsuki begins to speak (let’s say at around 1,5 years), he might try to achieve emotional closeness by showing her his toys, trying to talk to her/play with her. If he is already ‘extroverted’ by this point he will be a lot more vocal than a timid child his age. If he hurts himself, or becomes scared, he probably tries to get Mitsuki’s attention at first, and I think this is where her biggest mistake might’ve lied. Based on how she treats Katsuki being kidnapped by the League of Villains I believe she disregards a lot of comfort-seeking behaviors as weakness. 

“When you get down to it, you got taken and inconvenienced everybody cuz you’re so weak!!” I think this shows clearly how Mitsuki herself feels. Of course she worried for her son’s safety, but worrying about someone in itself is an inconvenience to her. She equates her own worrying with other people’s weakness -- if only people weren’t so weak, she wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by worry. Mitsuki, like any parent, never wanted anything bad to happen to Katsuki. She was probably very aware that the world could be a dangerous place, so she tried to eradicate any ‘weakness’ within her own child so as he couldn’t be hurt by the world. I’m not sure where to place Masaru, Katsuki’s father, in all of this. A child can have several objects of attachment, but Bowlby expressed that usually there is a sort of hierarchy in the attachments themselves. For example, the child might favor one parent for playing, but prefer the other if they become scared. I think Mitsuki simply was the more important object of attachment in this case (this can be a result of having more skin-to-skin contact in the first months, or Masaru could for example have been working a lot of the time). Izuku on the other hand became securely attached to his mother Inko, as I think Inko is very emotional and open as a person. While the scene where Izuku cries about not having a quirk comes when he is about 4 years old, I still think this shows clearly that he seeks comfort in his mother. So, a little TL;DR before the next point: Katsuki was an ‘extroverted’ baby, who experienced a lot of emotional rejection from his mother very early on, which made him suppress his needs -- perhaps unconsciously starting to share his mother’s view on emotionality itself (and his own need for help at times)  as weakness. Erikson’s life stages and Piaget’s cognitive development Another model I’ll be using is Erikson’s life stages as well as a theory by Piaget.  We’ve passed the first life stage -- infant (0 - 1,5 years). This is where Erikson means that the child will develop a basic way of relating to the world: positive (the world is a place where my needs are met) or negative (the world is a place where I feel alone). Right before starting kindergarten I think Katsuki had developed the negative view, even though he was an ‘extroverted’ baby, as a result of his attachment style.       - Izuku, on the other hand, developed the positive one. This meant he had a fundamental sense of hope for the world, which is very important later in life. The second stage -- toddler (1,5 - 3 years). Starting kindergarten is an extremely important step in Katsuki’s development. I think he would’ve been completely different without it -- I really can’t stress this enough. Avoidant-attached children will have to fulfill their needs somehow -- usually through validation from sources beside the object of attachment. ‘Avoidants’ can become narcissistic and overly confident, all as a means to protect themselves. This is exactly what happened with Katsuki, let me explain: As I’ve already explained, I think he was born with both extroverted qualities and an affinity for learning new things. His innate temperament was also perseverance. His avoidant attachment meant that it was seemingly very easy for him to be separated from his mother to go to kindergarten, although at the start, his negative view of the world might’ve made him cold/closed off. The kindergarten personnel catered to him, though. Through a lot of positive reinforcement (to which he is especially sensitive as of his extroversion), attention, and frequent intelligence-related challenges (such as new and complicated games, learning to read, etc) Katsuki developed a more positive outlook. According to Erikson, if one stage of life doesn’t “succeed”, it can be recuperated later, which I believe is what happened here. Where I think the kindergarten fell short however is with too much praise, or very easily letting Katsuki off the hook. I believe they saw very much potential in Katsuki from a young age -- perhaps because of this they were too eager to inforce how amazing they thought he was. Often times, we think that anger should be “released” and not repressed. We should get it out of our system, so to speak. However -- counter-intuitively -- we shouldn’t actually do this. Borrowing from the cognitive approach to psychology, the more often we think a certain thought or behave in a certain way, the stronger that mental connection becomes. I think Katsuki, because of his avoidant attachment, might’ve acted really aggressively as a child too. Instead of giving him strategies to cope with his anger the kindergarten teachers probably encouraged him to “release” it, which just made this cognitive scheme easier to access. Thus more likely to be activated again. Children who feel that their opinions and ideas are interesting and valuable will become more sociable, and take more charge, while children with overprotective carers will start doubting their own abilities. Where Mitsuki wasn’t able to do right, the kindergarten picked up the slack and followed Katsuki’s whims to encourage him. He probably developed really quickly, which probably stunned the teachers and carers. The adults’ attention fueled his confidence and ego, and this drew other children to him, which meant more attention.

According to Bandura and Skinner, both real consequences, imagined ones, and reinforcement dictate personality as well as social interactions. Sometimes though, something called “observational learning” occurs, in which no reinforcement is needed. A child often learns behavior by imitating something someone else does, and I’m not excluding this as a possibility to explain Katsuki’s bias/bigotry against quirkless people. Of course, cognitive bias also plays a major part here. As humans, we are wired to look for details which inforce our worldview. 

Bandura’s model of reciprocal determinism. The individual and the environment affect each other mutually. This is part both of how Katsuki grows egotistical, and also his disdain for Izuku. Another important factor of personality is expectation. If an individual expects to be able to change the environment, they are more likely to attempt to do this. Without kindergarten intervention I believe Katsuki would have become a pessimistic, unmotivated person. Third stage (3 - 5 years) By this point Katsuki had already replaced his emotional needs and attachment to his mother with attention and admiration from his kindergarten peers/teachers (feeling superior to others). During this stage the child is supposed to develop a sort of pride of their own abilities. Katsuki was already an independent child (also because of being an ‘avoidant’), but this is where it might’ve went a little overboard. The development of his quirk was, as we all know, a turning point in both Katsuki’s view of himself/the world and his relationship to Izuku. This is mainly because of the quirk development. I’ve already stated that the kindergarten let too much slide -- the bullying of Izuku started even before the quirk development -- but now that becomes more important, as Katsuki was now capable of doing a lot more damage. Developing the quirk solidified Katsuki’s inflated ego -- now he was sure that he was the most awesome kid alive. It also solidified Izuku’s worthlessness to him (of course, if Izuku wasn’t useless, surely he should’ve developed a good quirk too?), which is how “Deku” came to be. At the same time, Izuku “needed help with everything”, but he was also really helpful towards others. He was sensitive, emotional, but still brave -- someone like that was worrying to Katsuki even back then. Katsuki -- an ‘avoidant’ -- repressed his needs, while Izuku indulged in them, openly showing this ‘weakness’. This is where Piaget’s theory comes in.  According to the theory, people develop “schemata” and “concepts” which are cognitive structures. 

1. A schema is a mental representation which covers a range of behaviors, e.g.: a child learns to pick up a bottle. It learns that it can pick up other things too, so the action of picking something up becomes a schema. 2. A concept is a mental structure which relates to the environment. A concept of an object entails for example what that object does, what it’s used for, and its relation to other objects. Children develop concepts and schemata very early on, and after that there are two processes which occur heavily in the first few years, and then continue throughout life: 1. Assimilation -- new information is modified to fit existing schemata/concepts. For example, a child making engine sounds while playing with a block of wood has assimilated the block into their concept of a car.

2. Accommodation -- the new information can’t fit into existing schemata/concepts, so new ones have to be made. This is part of changing worldviews -- let’s say a little boy only has two categories for animals: birds and fish. But then he sees a dog. If he says “that’s a fish”, he has assimilated the new information, but if he makes up a whole new category of animals, then he has accommodated the new information. There are periods of life in which a child will assimilate more than it accommodates (and vice versa). Piaget called these periods “cognitive equilibrium”. The counterpart is “disequilibrium”. This might be part of something which happens during the first few years of life -- there is an explosion of neurons, brain cells, during this time. When the accommodation has occurred, the child will go back to assimilating. Katsuki developed a lot during kindergarten, and therefore created lots of new concepts and schemata. For example, “I am awesome and everyone else is not”, is a cognitive scheme which enables one to enact their superiority over others. “Deku is useless and I can hit him” is another such concept. However, ‘Deku’s uselessness’ is something Katsuki came up with as a defense mechanism -- as stated before, Izuku indulged in (normal) behavior which Katsuki saw as weakness. But, as any child, he still experienced anxieties and wanted affection. This went against his conviction that sensitivity was weakness, so Katsuki projected all these needs onto Izuku. Punishing Izuku then became a way of punishing himself for the things he wanted. This worked for a while, but then Katsuki became aware of the fact that Izuku was brave enough to go against him, and not only that, but look down on him enough to assume he could need help. He, the most awesome person ever.

This could mean two things. 

Sensitivity is not weakness, and it’s not wrong to want it

Katsuki is still so weak that even people like Izuku are a threat

Accommodation is a more difficult process than assimilation, so Katsuki avoided changing his view of sensitivity, which was so deeply ingrained, by adopting the second possibility. But this was scary, and incredibly disturbing to Katsuki, which meant the hostility towards Izuku especially grew. So this is when the bullying picked up a bit. Stage four -- 6 - 12 years During this stage most children begin going to school, the stakes and expectations are higher, etc. I believe Katsuki thrived in a school environment too, with steadily increasing levels of challenge.  This is also when both Katsuki’s and Izuku’s admiration for All Might increased, for different reasons. In Katsuki’s eyes, All Might was so strong he always won no matter what, which enabled him to get in more fights. Winning these fights fueled his ego, and he began believing he could surpass All Might. Stage five -- 13 - 18 years Ooh, here’s when it gets juicy. I believe the bullying might not have been too intense back in stage 4. Erikson defined this stage as “identity against role diffusion”. During their teen years, most people begin identifying all the different sorts of roles they have in life, which might cause some anxiety. That’s why a lot of teenagers are experimenting with their identity, and go through what adults often disregard as “phases”. This searching is very important however, because every person needs to have a secure sense of “this is me” to be mentally healthy. We need to believe there’s a core in our identity, which will stay the same even if we or our surroundings change. Middle school Katsuki and Izuku are both 14 when the series starts. Katsuki is still delusional, prideful, and narcissistic. His teachers think he is powerful enough that it’s inevitable he will go on to UA, which only confirms his view of himself. Right now he tries to act unbothered, but Katsuki is painfully aware of the fact that Izuku hasn’t abandoned the dream to be a hero, even though he is quirkless. All of Katsuki’s intimidation tactics -- blowing up the notebook, for example -- are all desperate attempts to discourage Izuku from even trying, because Katsuki is still scared and disturbed by Izuku in general. Perhaps more so than usual, because I think Katsuki’s trying to find his identity right now as well, especially since it’s time to apply to high school. “Leaving Izuku behind” might be the most symbolic thing Katsuki can think of. He feels as though he’s been stuck with Izuku for years, and wants to hammer home the differences between them, defining his own identity in the process. Still, Izuku is going to apply to UA. I know Katsuki looks pretty unbothered while telling Izuku to take a swan dive off the roof, but I’m 100% certain he’s absolutely shaking inside. It really is a last resort type of thing. Which doesn’t make it alright, of course, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that Katsuki by this point is a vulnerable young teen, unconsciously terrified of going into the world without knowing exactly who he is. Izuku’s response to this bullying and especially the swan-dive line are interesting to me. He doesn’t get depressed, instead he thinks to himself that the idiot Kacchan would have instigated a suicide if he really went through it. This is partly why I think Izuku is securely attached to his mom, even if he now doesn’t approach her with all his problems. He developed a strong sense of hope for the world, more on that in a bit. The Sludge Villain incident is a big stepping stone for both Katsuki and Izuku. We see Izuku genuinely almost give everything up after meeting All Might, and still, even as he saw someone who had bullied him, he still rushed in without a second thought as soon as that person seemed to need help. And in reality, Katsuki was asking for help. You can’t say this isn’t the face of someone who needs saving.

Of course, Katsuki catches up with Izuku just after the incident, telling him “I didn't need you to save me!”, the works.

He’s struggling really hard here to assimilate the new information. He doesn’t want to accept it. When he fell into the creek back as a child, I don’t think he actually needed any help, he probably would’ve been fine. The problem then was Izuku thinking he needed help, which he equated to being looked down upon. In this moment, the problem is that Katsuki really needed the help. Had Izuku not been there, not spurred All Might into action, Katsuki might very well have suffocated. And he knows this, he’s a smart kid. That’s why his reaction is so extreme this time. Accepting that he could’ve died if Izuku wasn’t there means, again, that there are two possibilities to Katsuki:

1. He is weak and needs Izuku’s help of all people 2. He has been wrong about sensitivity all along Both of these mean he has been wrong, both are unacceptable to him. But I think the first one, at least unconsciously, does become its own schemata. Some time after the incident Katsuki stays silent when it’s again noted that Izuku is applying for UA. On the first day there, he only tells Izuku to get out of his way, but doesn’t mock or question his presence. Izuku even comments that “ever since that day, he stopped tormenting me.” They even sit beside each other without any real problems. I think this again is due to two things: 1. Katsuki is hyper-focused on his real goals right then, he needs to do really well 2. He has accepted “Deku is applying for UA” as a new schemata, which is easier to swallow than accepting either the sensitivity or needing help thing. 

High school -- UA There’s of course a minor hitch once Katsuki realises Izuku was accepted, but I think that’s fairly standard. What I think is more important for Katsuki is the fact that entering UA means coming into contact with other people his age who are more advanced than he would’ve ever thought. He’s been so far up that nobody could catch up to him for years, but suddenly, other people are merely steps away if not on the same level. The fact that other people are so close to surpassing him, and seeing Izuku has somehow developed a powerful quirk, opens the gate to the possibility that Izuku might surpass him too.  As many have noticed, Katsuki is much more subdued since starting at UA. I think he’s beginning to warm up to other people (they’re not scared of him, he can’t dominate them like that). But I think his anxiety has slowly been growing, leading to the outburst/fight at Ground Beta, with All Might’s retirement as a final straw.  I want to analyse him further (and even more how he’s affected by avoidant attachment!!!), but this will have to do for now. Please let me know what you thought, if you agree, if you’d like more, etc. It’s really encouraging. Have a nice day!

[vendettacanons]

⚔️ Characterization Hour : Vaas ⚔️

// It’s been a hot minute since I posted anything and I’m sorry for that. My motivation inexplicably tanked this week. I’m feeling a little better now so I’ll get around to my inbox and replies soon. In the meantime, I’ve been playing a lot of Far Cry 3 and analyzing the characters (both to pick up one or two more and specifically to study things for ship ideas and characterization of Vaas specifically).

// Mind the tags for trigger warnings. Far Cry 3 is dark as shit.

// I noted this the first time I watched the cutscenes, but playing through the game and actually getting the full context firsthand really hit different; Citra openly says that Vaas was not always the way he is now. He wasn’t always so crazy. (Granted, both of them are crazy but I’m chalking that up to some idea about genetic things that I’ll talk about later.) She says he wasn’t always a fucking maniac- the drugs turned him into that. The drugs and the unforgiving harshness and cruelty Hoyt and his work demanded of him. She blames Hoyt for turning Vaas into what he is, and she’s right. She mentions that Vaas used to live with her and the Rakyat, and that he had some kind of birthright he ran away from (meaning Vaas is likely supposed to be the one leading the Rakyat and that’s another thing I’ll touch on in a bit.) After Hoyt discovered the islands and began trading drugs to the settlers in exchange for bodies, Vaas was one of the unlucky ones who ended up getting hooked. Hoyt took a liking to him, and put him in a downward spiral.

// There’s more to this though. It’s never explicitly stated how long Hoyt has been in the Rook Islands but we can draw a rough timeline. Not much is known about Hoyt’s upbringing, but it is known that he likely started young, killing his father and joining a criminal consortium before eventually taking it over for himself. No exact age is given, but I’d clock him at 20 then. Our biggest hint to that is a line that we get from him during his fight with Jason. He states “he’s been doing this since before [Jason] was born”. This is likely in reference to attempts made on his life by mutinous Privateers or Pirates. Jason is 25, so his business has lived for about 25 years, which makes sense given Hoyt himself is 45. He must have discovered the Rook Islands later on (thanks to his Pirate lackeys knowing the oceans so well) given that he states he has connections all over the world. I’d say he’s been on Rook for about 10 years, considering he has a whole foothold on the place and a giant satellite dish (which would take years to build by hand, especially when his men are incredibly varied and probably not all experienced in design and building, much less any of the locals). He’s definitely been sitting on the property for a long ass time.

// This makes sense considering Vaas and Citra lived and survived on the island as orphans for a long time- theyre part of the native population. Going by this timeline, Hoyt arrived when Vaas was 17. Perfect timing for him to get hooked onto drugs, abandon his birthright before he was set to receive it, and putting him at an ideal age to be easily manipulated by Hoyt into something evil and sadistic. He was following Hoyt’s example, the drugs just amplified the effect of his cruelty.

// Again this is all speculation and largely headcanon considering Far Cry 3 didn’t give us any solid hints at an actual timeline.

// Branching away from the why, I wanna talk about some headcanons I have about Vaas himself. It is very plain to see throughout the game that Vaas is not entirely bad. I mean, he is irredeemably awful, but there are some points that I want to draw attention to. He obviously cares very deeply for Citra. He mentions it often how he loved his sister and would do anything for her at some point, even kill, and in a conversation with Hoyt he sounds legitimately heartbroken that she is tattooing Jason and giving away his birthright like that. He seems to have this sober moment of clarity where he feels like his sister is replacing him based on how far gone he is. So obviously, part of his emotional instability is chalked up to Hoyt’s conditioning and drugs. But not all of it is.

// Part of Vaas’ mental instability comes fro mugs parents, and Citra is proof of that. There is literally nothing known about their parents, they were abdanoned as children. But both Vaas and Citra carry something from them: mental illness. It’s hard pinpoint exactly what kind, but addiction might very well be in the genetics. Why would Vaas, who was basically a prince capable of having anything he wanted brought to him at the snap of his fingers, turn to drugs? Unless one of his parents was an addict themselves which, again, very possible considering the island’s were likely discovered by the Pirates— meaning prior to Hoyt’s arrival, drugs were still being trafficked. That would account for why Vaas got hooked so quickly, while Citra showed a measure of restraint. However, Citra betrays other things that only genetics could account for. Because the environments they’re in are so vastly different. Both Citra and Vaas demonstrate developign strange obsessions and compulsions. Citra develops an irrational obsession with Jason after he finds an artifact (one that is important to her people granted, but how quickly and deeply she develops it is what makes it so concerning). Vaas just develops obsessions with fools who end up on the island in general— Chris, Jason, etc. In Vaas’ case, it’s hazardously exacerbated by the drugs but hey- Citra wasn’t exactly tame about how she handled it either. It’s impossible to tell what the defined cause of them being so unhinged with their obsessions is given how little else they show, but there’s definitely some common illness they likely inherited.

// And before I go any further, I just want to put a disclaimer that mental illness does not inherently make people evil or more likely to commit crimes or atrocities. That’s not the case at all and that is not what Citra and Vaas are meant to portray in canon or in my own writings. Mental illness is not the reason why both Citra and Vaas are fucked up as characters. Special conditioning to torture, abuse, and kill people, treating them like disposable toys, and violent drug addictions in Vaas’ case, or as a threat against them until proven otherwise/ indoctrinated into their sacred culture in Citra’s case, are. The fact that they may have inherited some type of mental illness from their parents developed as a result of Hoyt before he even showed and it’s gone completely unacknowledged or treated is just a catalyst.

// Anyways, what is the point of all this? Why did I do this characterization assessment? Well, this is basically a long-winded way of describing a new facet to my portrayal of Vaas. One that I’ve been looking for for a while now. With all of my characters, I try not to let them fall flat and be defined by one particular characteristic. In Vaas’ case, this is very difficult. He’s so all over the place and unpredictable that writing him is easy, but actually capturing the essence of him is hard because he is often only portrayed as being one thing: insane. But after playing the game for hours and carefully studying him, I found it really interesting how Vaas has all these “breaks in his insanity”. They mostly happen when he’s talking about family. His quiets up, he softens, and his act vanishes only to pop back up when something seemingly random sets him off again. But the fact he has these breaks at all, and the way he acts during them, implies that part of Vaas— the man that he was supposed to be, is still there. His entire persona is driven by a work and drug motivated impulse to be as destructive and chaotic as possible. And he is. He is cruel, evil, nasty, and wicked. But he’s also still capable of being gentle and loving like he was when he was with Citra. He shows he still loves his family. He even still carries some of their traditions, like calling everyone “brother” or “sister”. There are moments, rare as they are, where he is free from the demands of his work and his addictions aren’t gnawing at him. There are small moments of calm in the storm that he has become. It doesn’t erase or justify the destruction that he inevitably brings. But it does exist. Because Vaas is still a man after all. And he knows there is something really wrong with him. He’s not only guilty, he is tormented by it. He literally gets on his knees and begs Jason to kill him. He knows he’s fucked up. He’s just not strong enough to change.

// TL;DR: Hoyt’s been fucking shit up since before Vaas was born. This is all Hoyt’s fault. He’s the reason Vaas is an orphan, he’s the reason Vaas was mentally unstable even before he gave him drugs and forced him to abandon his birthright and work for him, he’s the reason Vaas is such a wicked little brute that destroy everything he touches. But there are brief moments where his facade cracks and reveals he’s still capable of being the gentle loving brother he once was. He still loves his sister very much and he feels very guilty for abandoning her. He knows there are things wrong with him and he knows he can’t correct them or finish himself off by his own hand, hence why he begs for death in the end. Thanks, Hoyt.

// Looking at it, this will definitely impact my portrayal of Vaas. Probably not by default, but definitely in terms of pre-established relationships and ships going forward. I’ll mention ahead of time that nobody except Hoyt, Citra, and Vaas really know the extent of what has happened to him. Buck does to a certain degree but he doesn’t have the full story. I’ll also say this does not change the fact that most of Vaas’ relationships that aren’t business related are going to be unhealthy or downright abusive, if not for a large portion of it than for all of it. Vaas has proven that he is not above threatening, manipulating, emotionally toying with, and physically hurting people. Especially those he develops obsessions with. He might be infatuated with someone, but his infatuations are far from pure and wholesome. And stemming from that, he is not one of those “fixable” villain types. Lots of love and understanding are not going to cure him. He is not going to go change overnight because someone was nice to him. In general, I dont see Vaas changing for anyone. He’s just too... stubborn and set in his way to do so. But if he does, it’ll require some hardcore chemistry and a metric fuckton of plotting (and probably a dead Hoyt but that’s neither here nor there).

// Anyway if you read this far, you’re awesome and I love you, thanks for coming to my TedTalk. ❤️

[gryffindorcls]

Could You Please Repeat That?

Part 1

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Hello, lovely readers!  Welcome to “Could You Please Repeat That?”.  This is going to be a quick two-part fic.  I was inspired by @rykerrrrr ‘s post that you can look at here.

I am still working on my other WIPs, but this was too good not to write.

I hope you enjoy!

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Marinette straightened her skirt before knocking on the doors that led to her boss’ office.  Even though she had been working as a designer at Gabriel for three years, there was still something about Mr. Agreste that made her feel uneasy.  Nonetheless, she took a deep breath, confidently rapped her knuckles against the wooden door, and waited to be summoned. 

“You may enter,” a firm voice called from the other side. 

She pushed open the door and walked into the room.  “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Ah, yes.  Good morning, Marinette.  Please...come in and take a seat.”

She quickly closed the door and made her way to one of the chairs that were situated in front of Gabriel’s desk.  Once seated, Marinette looked up at her boss with expectant eyes.

“First, I would like to offer congratulations on your engagement to my son.  I am looking forward to having someone as talented as you join the family,” he stated plainly.

A smile spread across her face as she toyed with the ring on her left hand.  “Thank you.  Adrien and I are very excited.”

“I assume the two of you have already begun making arrangements.”

“Yes, sir.  We’ve started looking at venues, caterers, and themes.”

“And what about your dress?”

“I wanted to make it myself.”

Gabriel nodded in approval.  “Good.  I expect nothing less from my top designer.  Let me know how I can be of assistance when you have the design ready.  Feel free to schedule an appointment to come and talk to me anytime.”

“Thank you, sir,” she responded eagerly, “I really appreciate the offer.”

“Marinette, there is no need to keep calling me ‘sir’.  Feel free to call me Gabriel.  After all, you are my future daughter-in-law.”

“Okay, sir...I mean...Gabriel.”

He leaned back in his chair and pressed his fingers together.  “I would like to tell you right now that I trust you, Marinette.”

She swallowed uncomfortably.  “Uhm...thank you.  I trust you, too?”

“Good.  Now that I’m getting older, it’s time that I start thinking about my legacy.  Adrien is already the heir to my fortune, but I would like you to be a part of it, as well.”

“I...uh...really enjoy designing for your company, and I would love to keep doing that.”

“Oh, you will.  Trust me.  You are incredibly talented, and I intend for you to run Gabriel alongside my son one day.  However, my legacy runs deeper than this company, and it’s about time that I bring some fresh faces into the fold.  Nathalie has been helping me with it for years. ��She is very loyal to the cause, but she and I will not be around forever.  I’m hoping to pass on the torch to you and Adrien.”

“Okay.  What is it exactly?  Are we talking about humanitarian efforts overseas or philanthropy?”

Gabriel turned his head to the side and paused a moment before continuing.  “Not exactly.  It does, however, have a big impact on society.”

Marinette straightened in her seat.  “Well, I’m excited to learn about it.”

“It’s difficult to explain.  It will be easier to show you.”  He got up from his chair and stood in front of the portrait of his wife.  He held out his hand and beckoned her to join him.  “Come here, my dear.”

She quickly moved next to him.  He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked up at the painting.

“Emilie was so full of life,” he remarked with sadness in his voice, “Her emotions ran deep, and her love for others made her a light in the darkness.  However, her curiosity of the world around her is what made her exceptional.  She was never afraid to try something new or take a risk.”

“Adrien is a lot like that,” Marinette responded with a whisper.

“I see so much of her in my son, and I see a lot of myself in you.  Marinette you are talented and driven.  That’s why you and Adrien will be the perfect pair to take over.”

“I still don’t completely understand.  What is it that you want us to do?”

Gabriel used both his hands to press in several hidden buttons on his wife’s portrait.  Two openings in the floor appeared and a platform began to lower Marinette into the ground.  Unsure of what to make of the situation, she did her best not to panic.  

Before she had the chance to become uncomfortable in the confined space, the ride ended and she was gently set down in the middle of a spacious room.  She found herself at the end of a long metal walkway that was surrounded by dozens of trees.

“You have a park under your house?” Marinette questioned tentatively, “Are you involved in environmental conservation?”

Gabriel looked at her and shook his head.  “This is more of a lair than a park, and the only conservation I’m interested in is that of this family.  Walk with me.”

He guided her down the raised path and stopped in front of a glass chamber.  Marinette’s heart sank when she looked at its contents.  She could feel the tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“This can’t be happening,” she thought to herself.

“Gabriel,” her voice sounded strained, “is that who I think it is?”

He reached out his hand and allowed his fingers to lightly graze the glass covering.  “She’s been like this for years.  Before Adrien was born, she and I traveled around the world so I could find inspiration for my designs.  On one of our trips, we made a surprising discovery in the ruins of an old, abandoned temple.  That’s when we learned that there were forces in this world greater than any of us could have ever imagined.  Magic is real, and we had access to it.  We didn’t know what we were doing.  We were like children playing with fire.  After we had our son, I stopped, but she continued.  One day, there was an accident, and over the course of a year, Emilie slowly fell into this state.  We knew it was coming, and we tried to hide it from Adrien.  However, I made a promise to her that I would bring her back.”

“Does Adrien know about this?”

“No.  But I’m not only doing this for her...I’m doing it for him, as well.  For all of us.”

As he spoke, a white butterfly landed on the glass covering Emilie Agreste.  The familiarity of the insect struck the core of her being.

Marinette feared the response to her next question.  She had a sinking feeling that she already knew the answer.  “You said that the two of you were using magic.  What exactly were you doing?”

“Nooroo,” he called into the void, “Come out and say hello.”

A small purple Kwami zipped into view and floated in front of Gabriel.  Panic exploded inside Marinette’s brain, and she clutched her crossbody purse against her side.  She could feel Tikki thump against the inside of the bag.

The tiny being lowered his head in subservience.  “Yes, master?”

“Marinette, this is Nooroo.  He is a Kwami.  No doubt you have heard of something called a Miraculous before.  He is a non-corporeal being that can interact with the human world when a holder is wearing the Miraculous he is attached to.  When the right words are spoken, the Kwami can give you powers.”

She closed her eyes and tried to remain calm.  Marinette took a deep breath found her confidence.

“Pretend you’re acting in a play,” she told herself mentally, “You can freak out later.”

She looked at him and blinked innocently.  “You mean, these Kwamis are how people like Ladybug and Chat Noir become heroes?  Does that mean you’re one of Paris’ heroes, as well?”

He put his hand on her shoulder, and she did her best not to shake it off.  “Thinking that the world is nothing more than a dichotomy between heroes and villains is juvenile.  Life is more complicated than that, and it is something that the so-called ‘heroes of Paris’ have always failed to see.  They don’t understand that sometimes sacrifices must be made for the greater good.”

“Well, if that’s the case...what does that make you?”

“Marinette, I am Hawkmoth.”

“Oh,” she said softly, “Wow.  Uhm...can I ask why?”

Gabriel turned towards Emilie.  “My wife was once the holder of the Peacock Miraculous.  It was damaged, and it made her sick.  I have come to learn that if I combine the powers of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses, then I will have the chance to make one wish.”

Marinette chose her next words carefully.  “But what about all those people in Paris who have been hurt?  If you succeed, then Ladybug won’t be able to make everything okay again.”

“I understand your concern.  Nathalie had the same thoughts when she first started working with me on this project.  My wish is not simply to bring Emilie back.  If I did that, then the universe would balance itself out by putting someone else in a coma, and there’s a chance that it would be Adrien.  I could never endanger him like that.  No, I plan to turn back time and ensure that this never happens at all.  I will have never been Hawkmoth, and Adrien would still have his mother.”

“But...then everything would be different.  How can you know that I would still be with Adrien in that reality?  I can’t lose him.”

My dear, there is nothing to worry about.  Part of my wish will be to still remember this reality.  I can guarantee to you that I will make sure that Adrien finds you.  If there is one thing that I have learned in all of this is that love cannot be erased.”

Marinette saw the sincerity in his eyes.  He truly did not see the error of his ways, and this was more terrifying than any of the Akumas he’d created over the past seven years.  At this moment, she knew she had to get back to Adrien immediately.

She nodded and smiled.  “Gabriel, that’s incredible.  You seem to have everything figured out.  So, what do you need me and Adrien for?”

Gabriel still kept his gaze locked on his wife.  “Nathalie currently wields the Peacock Miraculous, but she will be stopping soon.  I would like you to take over for her.  Naturally, Adrien would take my place as Hawkmoth.  Ever since Timetagger, I’ve always known that someone else would take my place.  It only makes sense that it would be my son.”

“Wait...isn’t the Peacock Miraculous damaged?  Won’t using it make me sick?”

“We’ve learned that the effects take years to before they become serious.  That’s why Nathalie won’t be continuing her work as Mayura.  The only reason my wife became sick so quickly was because she was wearing the Miraculous when the accident occurred.”

“They’re not evil...they’re insane!” Marinette thought, “Quick!  Say something!  Anything!”

“Awesome!” she said with forced enthusiasm, “Count me in!  What’s next?”

Gabriel looked at her and smiled.  “I’m happy to see that you’re on board.  I knew I could put my faith in you.  Our next step will be to tell Adrien.  I’m going to need your help with this.  As you know, he’s not as level headed as you or I.  He has a tendency to overreact.  Then, I plan on training the two of you to take over.”

As Gabriel finished his statement, an idea burst into Marinette’s head.  It was risky, but it might just work.  If she succeeded, then the threat of Hawkmoth would be neutralized, and Adrien’s family would be whole once again.  However, this plan hinged on how Adrien reacted to all of this, but knowing her kitty, he would definitely be on board.

Marinette clasped her hands together. “How about you let me tell him?  Then we can come over for dinner tonight and talk about it as a family.”

“Are you sure?  We can tell him together?” Gabriel suggested.

“No, I can do it.  But I just want to double-check...the only reason you’re Hawkmoth is because you want to save your wife, right?  You don’t have dreams of becoming a maniacal overlord who takes over the world?”  She awaited his response with bated breath.

Gabriel chuckled.  “No.  You shouldn’t listen to everything you hear on the news.  As I said before, I’m not a villain.  I do this for my family, and when I am done the world will be reset.  No one will have been harmed.”

“Cool.  Yeah...okay.  Got it.  So, I’m going to go.  I guess we’ll see you later?”

“Before you leave, I cannot stress the importance of keeping this quiet.  Adrian is the only other person who can know.”

Marinette laughed nervously and gave him a shaky thumbs-up.  “Yeah, no...don’t worry.  Your secret is safe with me!  Yup!  You can count on Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”

“Thank you,” he replied, bowing his head in gratitude.

She started walking away quickly, and then she stopped in her tracks.  “Uhm...Gabriel?  I have just one problem.  I don’t know how to get out of here.”

He walked over to Marinette and placed a hand on her back.  “Come.  I will show you the way.”

***

Marinette had the Agreste’s driver drop her off at Adrien’s apartment.  She sprinted up the stairs and pounded on his door.  Within seconds, he was standing before her in the open doorway with a confused expression on his face.

“Marinette?” he asked, “What are you doing here?  I thought you would be at the office all day.  You said that you had to finish a dress design.”

“So,” she began, rocking onto the balls of her feet, “that was the original plan, but then something happened.”

He took her hand and gently guided her into the apartment.  “What’s wrong?  Are you okay?  You’re not sick or hurt, are you?”

Marinette could hear the panic in his voice, and she wanted to assuage his fears.  However, she knew that what she had to say would only shock him.

“I’m fine, but I have good news and bad news.  Can we sit down?” Her heart started racing as she looked into his eyes.

He walked her over to the couch, and they both took a seat.  “Okay...what’s going on?”

She reached out and took his hand.  “I’m going to start with the bad news.  It turns out that your mother is alive.”

Adrien leaped off of the couch.  “Wait.  How is that bad news?  Did my father talk to you?  Did you see her?”

She patted the seat next to her.  “Please sit back down.  I’m not finished.”

He hesitantly obliged.

Marinette sighed before continuing.  “Yes, your mom is alive, but she’s not awake.  I know how to fix this, but there is an even bigger problem that we have to deal with first.  Adrien, your dad is Hawkmoth.”

Adrien calmly nodded his head and shrugged.  This was not the reaction she was expecting.  

“I knew it,” he mumbled.

Marinette’s eyes grew wide.  “I’m sorry.  Could you please repeat that?”

“Plagg!” he called out, “We were right!”

The black Kwami zipped into the room.  “You owe me so much cheese right now, kid.”

“Could one of you tell me what’s going on right now?” Marinette crossed her arms.

Adrien pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Ugh...where do I start?  Do you remember when I accidentally revealed my identity to you by complaining about my dad?”

“How could I forget?”

“Well, about six years ago I had a bit of a mental breakdown.  When you suggested that my dad was Hawkmoth, it kind of created this doubt in the back of my mind.  Even though we ruled him out after he was Akumatized, the idea of him being Hawkmoth never left.  I struggled with it for about a year, and it all came to a head that day you found out I was Chat.  I’ve come to terms with the idea of him being a villain.  Plagg helped me with that.  Figuring out the truth has kind of been our secret mission for the past few years.”

“And you were going to tell me about this...when?”  Marinette glared at him.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck.  “Uhhh...I’m telling you now.  I didn’t want to worry you until I had concrete evidence.  I could never find any proof, so I just kind of kept it to myself.”

“You are so lucky that I love you.  I just spent the past hour in your dad’s creepy lair underneath the mansion looking at your comatose mother while he told me his plan to bring her back.  Some heads up would have been nice.”

“Wait...why did he tell you any of this?”

“He wants me to be the new Mayura and for you to become the new Hawkmoth.”

Adrien leaned back on the couch.  “That’s insane.  This is insane.  You know this is insane, right?”

Tikki phased through Marinette’s purse and hovered between them.  “I think it’s time you told him the good news.”

Adrien’s eyes darted between his fiancée and her Kwami.  “What?”

Marinette beamed.  “I have a plan.”

“You always do.  Let’s hear it, Bugaboo.”

“We’re going to need help, but by this time tomorrow we could be Hawkmoth free, and you could have your mother back.”

A Chat-like grin spread across Adrien’s face.  “I think I like the sound of that.”

Next -----> (Coming Soon)

AO3

Fanfiction.net

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My username on AO3 and FanFiction is clslovegood47.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.  Seeing all your responses fills my heart with joy!  Also, my asks are always open.  

Thank you all for reading!

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Tagged Peeps:

@hermionemonica

[jazzviewswithcjshearn]

Connie Han: Iron Starlet (Mack Avenue, 2020)

Connie Han: piano & Fender Rhodes; Ivan Taylor: bass; Bill Wysaske: drums; Walter Smith III: tenor saxophone, Jeremy Pelt: trumpet.

When 23 year old pianist Connie Han released Crime Zone, her Mack Avenue debut in 2018 it caused quite a sensation.  For starters, she used the influences of Kenny Kirkland and Mulgrew Miller along with those of McCoy Tyner, Hank Jones and others to put her spin on the post bop music that young musicians made following the arrival of Wynton Marsalis.  Now, with her sophomore Mack Avenue release Iron Starlet Han shows growth from Crime Zone and also plenty of potential with expansions into other directions.  Here she mixes even more refined examples in the burnout style heard previously; head bobbing swing, expressive ballads. She uses her working trio, bassist Ivan Taylor and drummer/producer/composer Bill Wysaske, augmented by Walter Smith III (returning from the previous album) and  Jeremy Pelt on trumpet on select tracks in full quintet and quartet formations.

What in part and parcel makes this music successful and enjoyable is that it is road tested.  Han and Wysaske did not just bring in the charts for some of this very difficult music for a first time studio run down-- they played much of the material on the road, including a stop at New York's Jazz Standard last summer. The other common denominator is the Wynton, Branford, Terence Blanchard, Kenny Garrett, Kenny Kirkland and Jeff “Tain” Watts stream of playing the new compositions take their cue from and expand on.  It's all music that Pelt, and Smith III had also grown up on so it's a natural fit.  For musicians in their 30's and 40's, it's nearly impossible to not be influenced by albums the above named players made that boldly through their own lens blended the kind of energy found on the best jazz-rock and jazz-funk records, the defining Blue Note albums of the 60's, and some of the pivotal albums from John Coltrane, McCoy Tyner and Pharoah Sanders.

Han's interest in insistent rhythm and locking into a stone groove with Taylor and Wysaske announces the title track with powerful conviction.  The knotty theme has the striking use of piano and bass unison like that of “Southern Rebellion” on Crime Zone with abrupt thematic passages for Pelt's trumpet and winding unisons for Pelt and the pianist.  For Pelt's bravura solo, staccato eighth note jabs and legato tones incite Han's comping figures, prompting eruptions from Wysaske's drums.  Han's solo is brash, rhythmic acuity a defining feature; Taylor locked in his walk, Wysaske's short high hat chokes on the upbeat and swiss triplet figures in groups of five stoking the flames even more.  If the first four minutes of the album are a thrilling joy ride on the Audobon, then Wysaske's attractive “Nova”, the first tune to feature Han on Fender Rhodes electric piano shows how adept the pianist is at switching moods.  This is where the growth from Crime Zone really begins to shine through.  Pelt and Smith III play Wysaske's pretty melody as if they are skaters on ice, Han's Rhodes solo is filled with a warm glow, keen sense of space, and blues undercurrent.  Her playing on the coda under Wysaske's straight eighth ride brings about a feeling of melancholy letting the glowing “Nova” go.

“Mr. Dominator” a Hank Jones and Mulgrew Miller inspired lesson in hard swing,  is distilled here to it's essence from the lengthy versions the trio played nightly.  The pianist is sly, sultry and funky, freely using techniques of horn players in her improvisation ,while Wysaske sticks purely in service to the groove.  Ivan Taylor gets his say with a Wilbur Ware and Jimmy Garrison depth of tone, and a brief economical drum solo bring things back the funky, memorable melody. “For the O.G.”, dedicated to the late McCoy Tyner conjures up some of the feeling of the pianist's defining 1970's Milestone albums.  The pianist launches into the piece with determination, and her solo assimilates the innovations of Tyner wisely. Her use of the lick as a motivic device is dryly humorous, and her cadenza at the end demonstrates how much she loves and understands the Tyner style, but she uses the ground he broke to speak those lines in her own voice.  Sandwiched between the head and the pianist's solo, Wysaske's drum solo has judicious use of toms as a thematic component.

Eugene McDaniels “Hello To the Wind” originally taped by vibraphonist Bobby Hutcherson for his classic Now (Blue Note, 1970) and later reprised with the LA Philharmonic on the obscure Blue Note Meets The LA Philharmonic (Blue Note, 1977).  McDaniels' lyrics and the entire Now album, in light of our divided social climate,  and the general surge for change  are as relevant in the present as they were then.  Han's choice of chorused Rhodes and a Philip Glass like ostinato in the left hand, for the introduction with  textures later thickened by acoustic piano add emotional weight to the piece.  The deeply emotional current is further in her solo and Walter Smith III's tenor.  Wysaske's tender ballad “Captain's Song” an ode to a French bulldog, has a gently floating feeling and Han digs deeply into color in her solo, much as she does on the drummer's gorgeous “The Forsaken”; making all the note choices count.  Both “Boy Toy” and the closing homage to Wynton Marsalis' Black Codes From the Underground (Columbia, 1985) “Dark Chambers” mine the treacherous burnout territory once more, with the closing track in particular a marvel of focused intensity, and the rhythmic urgency found on the Marsalis recording.  Han takes zero prisoners in her solo, using motivic development to smart effect. Smith III, and Pelt go full steam ahead as well for a wonderful conclusion to an engaging collection.

Sound:

Recorded at Sear Sound in New York City over two days in August, 2019 recorded and mastered by Chris Allen,  and mixed by Patrick L. Smith at Dennis Songs Studio in Los Angeles Iron Starlet is a significant upgrade in sound from Crime Zone. Well done acoustic jazz recordings have a particular matter of fact quality to them that Iron Starlet definitely has in that the instrument tonalities are natural and realistic, the relatively dry sound stage bear this out.  Han's piano shines on Focal Chorus 716 floor standing speakers, where it's midrange is one of it's strongest assets, and the stereo image of the piano is accurate to what is heard in real life.  The Fender Rhodes tones are particularly fat and luxurious, the Chorus 716's again excelling at mid range.  The upper end of Han's Rhodes work makes subtle use of Focal's patented inverted tweeter technology.   The high end of her Rhodes silky and smooth, with the way the instrument is recorded there is an pleasing bell like ping in the upper notes, reminiscent of Bob James' signature Rhodes timbre on his classic work.  Walter Smith III's warm tenor tone is captured attractively and Jeremy Pelt's rounded tone comes through without issue.  Ivan Taylor's bass tones in the phantom center channel are rendered accurately on the Chorus 716's where some speakers may have difficulty with tones that deep.  Finally Bill Wysaske's drums have the snare in the center image with ride cymbal on the right of center, high hat on far left, with splash and crash in the far left and right and tom drums far left and right.  The snare has resonance but is contrasted with a weird hybrid Tony Williams 70's type sound with a more deadened one for the toms.  As Wysaske is a lover of Steely Dan, this kind of tom sound is no surprise, but at first the subtle resonant-dead sound can take a minute to get used to. The deadened tom sound did appear on acoustic jazz albums in the 70's like  Frank Butler's The Stepper (Xanadu, 1978) so it wasn't uncommon then, but album's like Butler's often had strange mixes, as did a lot of acoustic jazz of the period.

Final thoughts:

With Iron Starlet, Connie Han has truly arrived.  This is very much a project of continued growth in an artist's journey.  The assured ness that informs a very specific area of the jazz universe is heard through each one of her compositions, those of Wysaske's, and the lone standard “Detour Ahead” . Han is a driven and unshakably confident soloist always ready to burn, but she also exhibits a level of restraint and sensitivity that further drives home her passion. She has a trio that makes challenging music quite accessible, and with the added gusto of Walter Smith, III and Jeremy Pelt, the ensemble delivers on a high level the very visceral music that helped shape and establish many musicians who came in it's wake. Iron Starlet also points to Han's further potential, perhaps a double live album to cap off the music presented thus far on her Mack Avenue releases,  an album with Kenny Garrett, Christian McBride and Jeff “Tain” Watts, or  even an album expanding on the cyberpunk themes the pianist loves with her ethos at the core, enhanced by more Rhodes, keyboards and funky rhythms in addition to searing swing.  The sky is the limit for Connie Han.

Music: 9/10

Sound: 9/10

Equipment used:

Yamaha RS202 stereo receiver

Focal Chorus 716 floor standing speakers

CD playback: 80GB Sony Playstation 3

Note: Jazz Views with CJ Shearn will now have a more detailed sound category offering audiophile insight into recordings as part of review thanks to upgraded equipment.

Key terms:

Sound stage: The audio depiction of the placement of instruments, as if one were to go see a play and see the position of the actors/actresses on stage, when a listener closes their eyes, they can see and hear the placement of the players and instruments.  The term stereo image can also be applied.  

Stereo imaging refers to the aspect of sound recording and reproduction of stereophonic sound concerning the perceived spatial locations of the sound source(s), both laterally and in depth. (source for stereo image definition: wikipedia)

[hushpadart]

“Do you know what it’s like to freeze to death, Hans? Maybe I should let you find out. But it won’t be half as quick or you as it was for Anna.”

Alternate Frozen ending where Anna’s act of true love was too late to save her, and when she died Elsa snapped and went Evil Ice Queen.

Created May 2015

Long post under the cut!

Okay so I'm planning on writing a fic where the ending of Frozen turns out differently. Anna's act of true love was too late to save her and she died. As a result of this, Elsa snaps and goes Evil Ice Queen. The fic will be pretty dark and I'm so excited. Here are some headcanons I came up with for this fic. Most are copy/pasted from a notepad document where I have them all saved. TW: Suicide discussion. It’s in bold so you can skip it if you need to.

First, Elsa's ice magic is basically controlled by her emotions, right? And you know how much stress and fear and self loathing she has? 

She's tried to kill herself several times, telling herself that everyone would be safe if she was gone and that Anna would make a better queen. But her powers wouldn't let her die. Remember how she protected herself from an arrow without even thinking about it? She flinched and closed her eyes and when she opened them there was a wall of ice in front of her and the arrow was stuck in it, right? No matter what method she tried, every suicide attempt was foiled by her own powers. 

If she tried to throw herself off a height, enough snow would appear under her to cushion her fall. If she tried to drown herself then the water would freeze into a sort of "bowl" under her so none would get in her mouth or nose and she could climb out safely. If she tried to hang herself, an ice pedestal would rise under her and prevent her from falling and being choked or having her neck broken by the rope, or the rope would just freeze and break. If she tried to cut or stab herself, the blade would freeze and shatter before it could break her skin. If she tried to poison herself, the poison would freeze and stick in her mouth, preventing her from swallowing. And if she tried to kill herself with her own ice it always failed. She can't get hypothermia or freeze to death, so that's out. Any icicle she tried to stab or impale herself with would refuse to go any further when she got it close. Once she created a pit of ice spikes and threw herself into it. The spikes burst into soft snow before she hit them and she didn't get a single scratch. This happened because in spite of her fear of hurting others and her self hate and belief that she was a monster and that everyone would be safer without her, she was afraid to die. Her fear of dying caused her powers to defend her from herself. In the fic, she may or may not attempt to freeze her own heart in an attempt to numb the pain of losing Anna. 

But since she's immune to the cold, while it might make her colder as a person, she won't die or turn into solid ice. 

It may physically preserve her though, so she won't really age and her body will be preserved for a very long time and even when it does finally start to deteriorate and age, the dying cells are replaced by snow and ice so eventually her human body will be gone and her soul will reside in a body made of ice until someone figures out how to destroy her. 

The most effective way would probably be to stab her in the heart with a weapon that has fire magic. 

But until someone is able to get near enough to kill her, she'll continue as a destructive force, keeping her kingdom essentially cursed as a frozen wasteland where nothing can thrive and everything is dying. 

If her heart could be thawed or if she could be killed, the curse would be broken and the kingdom would thaw. 

But until then, she'll remain alone in a cold, dark castle, in a cold, dark land that she cursed to reflect the state of her heart and mind. It's cold, dark, cloudy, maybe snowing most of the time. But when she goes into a rage or has a breakdown, blizzards and storms come and can be deadly. She's driven out any and all reminders of Anna, the childhood memories they had, and reminders of the happy life they could have had. Olaf and Kristoff and Sven are gone(either exiled or having left willingly, but they are still alive, just no longer in Arandelle), all the dolls and toys they played with as children are gone, even the paintings that Anna used to talk to in her loneliness are gone. It's all dark, hollow, empty, and gloomy, and icicles hang in every doorway and fall on idiots who enter without permission. Tbh she kind of reminds me of Walpurgisnacht from Puella Magi Madoka Magica. The witch's nature was helplessness and she had no choice but to spin aimlessly in circles, going from place to place destroying everything and wishing someone would destroy her so she could stop, but being unable to stop because nobody was able to destroy her and every time someone failed to destroy her she only grew more powerful and her hatred and despair multiplied. That's what's happening to Elsa in my fic. She wants to stop cursing the land and destroying everything with her powers but she can't because her despair and hatred are too strong and she believes even if someone could stop her, nobody would want to because that would be the same thing as saving her, and she thinks she's so undeserving of salvation that saving her would be spitting in the face of everyone she hurt. This is another reason she'd be unable to commit suicide and it would be very difficult for someone else to kill her. She feels dying is too kind a fate for her. Elsa taking "Revenge is a dish best served cold" literally. People attempting to assassinate Elsa, only to have every attempt fail because her ice magic protects her too well and kills them. Elsa pulling a Bruce Banner on them and saying with a bitter laugh that they can't kill her, she knows, she's tried, but no matter what she does or what anyone else does, her magic won't let her die. Elsa displaying her wrath for the assassination attempts by bringing down a winter so cold and dark it could be likened to the biblical plagues of Egypt. Some brave idiot pulling a Katniss and saying "If we freeze to death, you freeze to death with us!" Only for Elsa to laugh and remind them that the cold never bothered her anyway as she freezes them from the inside by creating ice in their organs or bloodstream, then walks away after they fall lifelessly to the ground. Elsa being a terrifying queen driven by anger and hatred and made more dangerous by her incredible magical ability as well as being very mentally unstable.

Elsa having hallucinations of Anna and begging these hallucinations to forgive her. People calling her the Ice Witch instead of the Snow Queen and Elsa embracing that title. Elsa being dark and brutal and having an insatiable hunger for revenge that she feels she can't curb until she destroys everything, including herself. ICE GORE, TORTURE, AND KILLING PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR GRIEF ANGER DEATH Also a few quotes I plan on using in the fic. "I've lost the only thing I had, the only thing I was afraid of losing. There's no point in fearing anything anymore." "I'm not afraid anymore. I was afraid before, afraid of hurting An- hurting her again. But now she's gone, and she took my fear with her." "There's no fear.. No pain... No sadness..." "You can't hurt me anymore. You can't take anything else away from me. I've already lost everything." "Would Anna have wanted this?!" "Anna is dead, and if you dare say her name again, you will be too." "Feel my pain, Arandelle! You deserve it just as much as I do! My heart will never know warmth again, and neither will this land! The sun will never shine here or give life to anything here again!" And my favorite "No, Hans... My sister is dead because of you. She trusted you and loved you, and you betrayed her, broke her heart, put out the fire that could have kept her alive until she could be saved and abandoned her. You let her die a death that was probably agonizingly painful. Do you know what it's like to freeze to death? Maybe I should let you find out. But it won't be half as quick for you as it was for Anna."

[cherrygorilla]

6 Year Anniversary and Coral’s Character Profile

Hi there! Sorry for not being very active on here, life’s just been very hectic at the moment adjusting to university life, but I promise that I’m still working on content, I just don’t have a great deal of free time, so it’s a slow process. But now that I’m more settled I should be able to get into a proper writing routine. Fingers crossed!

But anyway, the reason I’m making this post is because around six years ago I made my fanfic account and posted my first chapter of my first story and ever since then I’ve just fallen in love with writing more and more. I’ve loved being able to hone my craft and improve and evolve my characters as I’ve grown up. It’s so crazy to think that I’ve been doing this for so long and that I’m still hanging around! I didn’t have much time to prepare anything for this milestone and I wouldn’t have known what to do anyway, so I thought that now would be as good a time as any to post the character profile I’ve been working on for Coral since she was created, along with my account, all those years ago. 

I got the questions for this OC character profile thing from my wonderful friend @foreveralwaysanauthor , who wrote similar profiles for her characters Makana and Xander, so be sure to check those out along with her stories! But here’s my profile for Caroline “Coral” Samantha Cole! I hope you like it! 

Appearance: obviously, including any quirks, how do they carry themself, average clothing

Tanned complexion, freckles across nose and cheeks, blue eyes, cute dimples, curly golden hair, great curvy body, kind of on the short side, bright smile, most often carries herself with confidence, wears a lot of bright colours, shorts, playsuits and summer dresses but likes to take fashion risks and isn't afraid to draw some attention by wearing something out there

Preferences:

Sexuality: because of the time she lives in I don't think that she'd ever act on any feelings she didn't think would be accepted by others, because at the core of everything that's all she really ever wants, but if it really came down to it and she was able to explore her feelings freely I think she'd come to realise that she's bisexual

Favourite food: the banana bread pudding her mom makes

Favourite colour: aqua blue, or gold, if she was really going to indulge herself 

Favourite animal: dogs, especially puppies

Favourite weather: sunny

Favourite season: summer

Favourite time of day: she's rarely up to see it, but she loves sunrise, when the stars start to disappear and the sun streaks the sky with all the pretty colours 

Favourite music: she's open to anything as long as she can sing along, but she does love a show tune

Foods that they will/will not eat: she's really not picky so she'll try anything, unless it involves tuna  

Religion: she wasn't brought up in a particularly religious family, they celebrate christmas, but in more of a commercial way, so she doesn't really have much of an opinion on religion

Political Beliefs: again, not super political, she just thinks everyone should be able to be treated equally

Hogwarts House: Slytherin, hands down. 

Personality: calm, rude, oblivious, introspective, stubborn, etc

She was practically born a drama queen and her enthusiasm can be a little overbearing at times but she's got a big heart and is a total softie if you get to know her enough for her to trust you. She's fiercely loyal, almost to a fault, and pretty stubborn if she gets something set in her mind. Speaking of getting something set in her mind, she's super determined; if she has a goal and won't let anything stand in her way. She's no stranger to jealousy, although she'd never admit it, and has a wild temper if the wrong thing sets her off, but she feels every emotion so intensely that sometimes they just get the better of her, which can be both a great and terrible thing. 

Family:

Who are their parents? Jacqueline and Brett Cole

What is their relationship with their parents? She's really close to her parents. Yes, she can get a little feisty sometimes and isn't a stranger to getting argumentative if she thinks something is unfair or if they're getting on her ass about something, but they raised her in a supportive, loving home and their guidance earned them her total respect. They're firm but fair when they need to be and she certainly keeps them on their toes, but they're always there if she needs them to be, whether it's to offer a shoulder to cry on, provide some much-needed advice or just to have a good laugh and cheer her up.

Do they have siblings? She has a twin brother, Thomas "Tanner" Cole

What is that relationship like? Being a twin is the only thing she's known, especially because she's the younger of the two twenty three minutes (something that Tanner likes to remind her of constantly), so she's had someone to goof around with from the second she left the womb. They may share a birthday down to the hour, but Tanner still like to exercise his big brother status from time to time, even though he knows deep down that Coral has enough fire in her belly to handle any threat far better than he could. They don't have a secret twin language and they don't have a telepathic twin connection, but they are incredibly close. They don't always see eye to eye on things, but they feel everything in a very similar way and they can read each other really well, so it's pretty difficult to keep secrets from one another. They were inseparable from birth, pulling faces to make each other laugh and taking their toys on grand expeditions along the beach from the minute they could walk and talk and as they grew older their bond, despite their differences, only grew stronger. As with all siblings, there were days when they annoyed the crap out of each other and couldn't stand to be in the same room unless they were pulling hair and yelling threats, but the anger never hung around for long. All it would take would be one joke or one dumb look and they'd be back to the being the best of friends. They're there for each other no matter what having someone around who understands you and what you're going through completely all the time is incredibly convenient. 

Family Life: 

What was it like for them growing up? She had a great childhood. A lot of her time was spent outside, either playing with her brother or her friends (often both together), and the rest was spent at dance and acting classes. She loved being a part of school plays and dance recitals and would practise in the living room every night after dinner. She loved the bedtime stories that her dad would read her and her brother every night and some of her fondest memories are of when she would play dress-up with her mom on Saturday mornings. Her parents always made time for her and Tanner and they certainly didn't go short of love, laughter or attention when they were kids. It was as idyllic as an all-American family could have hoped to have been really.

Are there things that affect them in their present state from their childhood? One memory that stands out, in particular, was when her mom and aunt took her to see a play at the local theatre. From the second that she saw the lady in the glittery dress parading around the stage, singing and dancing as the crowd whooped and hollered, she was hooked. She knew she wanted to be like her one day, up on that stage in front of an adoring crowd. And then they got their first television set, where she could see these actresses from the comfort of her own home and her life was changed yet again. She'd sit gazing at the people flickering on the screen for hours, even after her parents told her that it would rot her brain. She simply didn't care, she was too fascinated to look away. All she knew was that she wanted to be in that black and white box like them one day. 

What was their discipline like as a child? Coral's always had a feisty side, even from a young age, so she's no stranger to trouble. But she's never been inherently bad and would never be malicious unless provoked, so a good telling off and a grounding was usually all it took to keep her in line.

Were they rich, poor or somewhere in between? Somewhere in between, if not slightly on the richer side. They didn't have heaps and heaps of money, but they lived pretty comfortably and their house was one of the nicest amongst her friends, which meant that it was usually the go-to house for hangouts (something Tanner and Coral loved). 

Cultural History: does this affect the character, do they have cultural traditions that they follow

Not necessarily. Their grandmother is Hawaiian and they take yearly trips there to visit family and immerse themselves in the culture but not a great deal of that is incorporated into their everyday life. That doesn't mean that they don't love the traditions they do take part in when they're there though; the luaus are one of the best things they do all year. 

Flaws: every character should have a flaw (maybe they are really caring, but it leads to them being too trusting and getting manipulated; maybe they are super smart, but they have a hard time connecting to people as a result; etc) 

Coral has an almost obscene list of flaws, as most human beings do. She's stubborn and argumentative. She's feisty and brash and overbearing. She's a total drama queen, she's naive, she's vain, she's driven to a fault, she's overly emotional, she's flaky if uninterested, she falls in love too easily, she takes everything very personally (not ideal if she wants to be an actress) and she has a terrible temper. But I'm sure that there is more that I just can't think of at the moment. She's a bit of a hot mess, but she owns it.

Blank Spots: everyone has a bit of ‘basic knowledge’ that they somehow missed or misunderstood (it happens for everyone), what is the character’s ‘blank spot’

She thought that limes were just lemons that weren't ripe yet for longer than she'd care to admit.

Wants: what does the character want most, what do those around the character want for them

This is an easy answer that everyone around her knows the answer to. She wants to be a star. Well, she wants to be an actress, but ultimately all she really wants is stardom and she won't let anyone get in the way of that. 

Needs: what does the character actually need (this can be different from the wants, and often should be for character growth; however, the character growth can happen even if the wants and needs are the same by having the course of events be contrary to the characters expectations)

She needs to get a strong head on her shoulders. She needs some guidance and maturity before being let loose in the world and she needs the right support behind her. But most of all, she needs love. She needs to feel loved and she needs to have a connection with someone where she can open her heart and embrace her vulnerability instead of hiding it away.

Fears: what is the character afraid of? both literally and existentially

Failure to achieve her dreams, disappointing her family, being alone, being ridiculed, spiders and clumps of hair in drains

How do they handle:

Disappointment - If she's disappointed in herself then she'll really beat herself up about it, but if someone else is disappointed in her then it'll absolutely crush her and she'll get super upset

Anger - Not very well at all; she's got a pretty bad temper and it rears its head more than it should. She's not afraid to fight for something she believes in and isn't one to back down from an argument easily. It also takes her a while to calm back down too. 

Embarrassment - If she's acting she doesn't get embarrassed at all. But if it's just Coral and something embarrassing happens to her then it's crippling. She's so image-conscious and self-absorbed that if there's a possibility that something could taint that then she won't be able to let it go until she's fixed it.

Attraction - She's a total flirt and will happily play into any interest that is directed her way, but playing coy is as far as it goes with her; she's never been one to make the first move and feels much more comfortable using her alluring nature to attract attention rather than seeking out suitors herself.

Betrayal - Loyalty is a huge deal for Coral and she's very protective of those close to her. She places massive amounts of trust in her friends and they often reciprocate that, so betrayal is a massive issue for her and it's really difficult for her to cope with. She is quick to turn on someone and it's very hard for them to regain that trust if they've lost it. 

Fight or flight - In most situations she's not afraid to fight, but if she feels really overwhelmed and out of her comfort zone then she switches to flight mode and bolts. 

Money - Luckily, money was never an issue for her when she was growing up. But all the time she's spent flipping through magazines full of celebrities and the lavish lives they lead has left her with quite an expensive taste.  

Lack of sleep - She just gets a little cranky and snappy. She's not much of a coffee drinker, but if it helps her get through the day or makes her seem a little more sophisticated then she'll stomach it to give herself a boost.

Alcohol - It makes her really giggly at first but then she loses all her inhibitions and moves into the frame of mind where she thinks everything is a good idea. Soon she hits a wall though and either crashes back to the reality of sobriety or spirals into a black-out, drunken mess. No matter what though, she's a tipsy disaster when she drinks.

Injustice - She's not afraid to stand up for what she thinks is right and will fight for justice if she truly believes that something is unfair, no matter what anyone else says. She'll always trust her gut instinct.

Mental illness - It's not something that she's had to deal with at this point in her life, but as she struggles with issues later on in her life I think it will be difficult for her to cope with due to how much she allows her emotions to impact her. 

Grief - Again, she's a super emotional person and allows her feelings to deeply affect her, so grief is really overwhelming. She doesn't shut herself away, but sometimes the pain becomes so great that she can't comprehend or articulate what she's feeling anymore, to herself or to others.

Exercise - She's never been super sporty in the traditional sense, but she's been dancing since she was three and has taken up cheerleading in high school, not to mention all the surfing she does in her free time.

Defining moment:  is the character’s defining moment going to happen to them during the story or has it already happened (characters can have more than one defining moment)

Coral hasn't had a defining moment yet in the story, but there is one pretty major one coming up within the next few chapters, which impacts the lives of many of the characters, so keep your eyes peeled for that. She'll have quite a few distinct, defining moments in the story though that all shift her life onto different paths. So things are about to take a turn for her!

How do/would they feel about:

Glitter - Loves it! Duh!

Ferris Wheels - They're pretty fun, especially at the top when you can look out and see for miles around.

Camping - She does like being outdoors, but sleeping on the ground with bugs and no satin pillowcase is not really her jam.

Coffee - Thinks it tastes gross but makes you look sophisticated, so she'll make the sacrifice if she's feeling particularly tired.

Crispy or floppy bacon - crispy; floppy bacon weirds her out

Mushrooms - pretty indifferent, she doesn't hate them but she doesn't love them either

Twilight books/movies - A teen movie about vampires? Not really her sort of thing...unless she could be in it. 

Guns - She's pretty against them all; she just doesn't understand why anyone would feel the need to possess such a dangerous weapon. But we'll see how that opinion holds up as the story progresses...

Extras: 

Do they have a signature smile? - Of course, she's been practising her smile for the paparazzi for years!

Do they have a tell when they lie? - Nope, she's an actress and is a master when it comes to lying convincingly; if she has to convince a whole audience that she's a totally different person then she should surely be able to keep up a little lie.

Do they have any nervous tics? - She gnaws on the inside skin of her lip.

Do they speak loudly, softly or average volume? - A little on the loud side; she wants to be heard, she loves the attention.

What is their quality of voice? - She's got a bright, clear voice when speaking but if she opens it to sing then the real power is unleashed.

Do they gesture when they talk? - All the time, she's super expressive when she talks and is always using her hands to exaggerate things.

Do they have a good understanding of personal space? - Most of the time, but if you're one of her best friends then she's much more likely to invade it.

How do they greet other people? - Usually with a 'hey' or a 'hi' and one of her megawatt smiles 

How do they say goodbye? - Probably just by saying 'bye' or 'see ya' or maybe just waving, unless she's pissed at you, in which case you'd be lucky if she even looked at you, same goes for greeting people

Is there anything that they always have with them/on them? - She always has a hair tie and tons of perfume on. You can always count on her to have mints too.

Do they remember faces or names better? - Faces, she's hopeless with names unless they're important to her.

What does the character admire most in others? - Loyalty, ambition and kindness

Pet peeves - Loud chewers, people standing too close in lines and people who don't cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze

What grosses them out? - Not washing your hands after using the bathroom and when her boy friends scratch their balls and shove their hands in each others faces. 

[circuitlover]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Analysis

Is this a ridiculously naval-gazing post about Evangelion? Yes. Is it an accurate assessment of the franchise as a whole? I have no idea. I tackled this as an unknown initially, starting the series with zero contexts beyond the usual recommendation of “you should watch this.” Which is part of the reason why I’ve been a little hesitant about even broaching this subject to begin with. I’m so removed from the zeitgeist, both in terms of not being a regular anime viewer, as well as it being long past Evangelion’s relevance as a franchise, that it seems everybody already has their opinion on Evangelion all figured out. So at least indulge me, as I scramble around for something.

‘The End of Evangelion’ is a certainly a gratifying conclusion, as we finally get to see much of what was being concealed behind the veil (well, as much as one could reasonably hope for). It also reminds us of some long-standing questions. Why do the Evangelion possess such a bizarre tendency to be ill suited for battle? How do NERV’s continue to run unabated from governing bodies? What exactly is the mystery surrounding the origin of the ‘Geofront’? These were all broad strokes of why I felt unsatisfied by the original conclusion (the hastily arranged make good of the final few episodes of the series), and though I don’t expect every minor detail to be answered about such a multi-faceted world, I still feel these were questions pertinent enough to have been resolved in some fashion. Now I’m a little more aware of the troubled events leading up to that ending and it’s quite admirable that they managed to deliver something, despite the haphazard nature of those final two episodes.

 It’s clear that End of Evangelion intends to underline the original series from the start, dropping us back at the critical juncture where episode 24 had left us. Even if one could feasibly state that we reach the same point after the events of EOE, I’d argue that we inhabit a vastly different headspace by the time we reach it here. It’s not difficult to surmise what happens between the gaps left between the final two episodes, though everything is lent much more credence here, now that we are left to witness the macabre reality of what the entire series has been building towards. NERV headquarters is finally attacked by SEELE, and with this, we finally see the bloody climax. Now free to depict the attack in full detail, the opening half is certainly full of action and excess, though far from mindless, with only the most unflinching of viewers (or those divorced from its context) likely to derive any sort of baseless enjoyment from these scenes. The various lingering shots of deaths sit uncomfortably here, but nonetheless punctuate the finality of it all. If anyone could have accused the series of taking a wholly unexpected (and saccharine) turn towards it’s finale, then EOE is it’s biting rebuttal.  As cold as the NERV headquarters is, with almost everything bad that has occurred almost exclusively originating from within it’s walls, it’s still disconcerting to see such a familiar setting being callously destroyed in a matter of minutes, along with it’s inhabitants. The conflict has essentially existed as a faceless one; both the audience and Evangelion’s protagonists seldom knew what they’re truly been up against. It’s a war being played out by the pawns, and here we see the severity first-hand.

 As their headquarters are crumbling, so are the pilots. Shinji is in no fit state, evidenced by his own bemusement over his actions towards a comatose Asuka. It may be shocking, and his actions are far from admirable, but given the context, it’s hardly surprising. After all, his confidence had been built up; only to be meticulously broken the instant Kaworu reared his head. This compounded with his earlier apprehensions after Toji’s departure, his various disingenuous, failed, and otherwise doomed relationships leaves his mental state in tatters. I personally don’t like Shinji, but then again, it’s quite clear to see that you’re not really supposed to. Even without Hideki Anno’s spiteful intent of wanting to deconstruct the typical shonen hero propelling Shinji’s arc, it’s quite safe to assume that anyone who had any lingering empathy for Shinji will almost certainly have abandoned such notions at this point. The Shinji we were first introduced to, awkward, unlikeable, with an overriding sense of hate and self-loathing, has now given way to complete apathy. “I’m so fucked up” seems to ring more an acknowledgement, than it does a realization.

 Like Shinji, Asuka too has succumbed to her trauma, but on a much more literal scale, being broken in both mind and body. They are two characters that are seemingly analogous to one another. But again, first appearances can be deceiving, as by the point of Asuka’s introduction, we are already keenly aware of Shinji’s nature. He openly laments his position; Meanwhile, Asuka is brash and outspoken, embracing her identity as a designated hero, rather than cowering behind it. How they choose to define themselves is different, but the underlying reasons are gradually revealed to quite similar. Both driven by an inherent self-loathing, we witness the pair at varying levels of despondency, though rarely at the same time. In fact, for as consistent as emotional turmoil is through NGE, it is rarely overt, leaving most characters to wallow in their own abject misery. Almost everything operates on a certain level on duplicity, some of which, admittedly, isn’t apparent upon first viewing.

 Rei is ostensibly disconnected from the very beginning, though that makes the act of attempting to interpret the character, quite difficult. Very little is revealed about her, and most of the development is concerned with what she is, rather than what she does. Her role is pivotal to the overall narrative, and the themes being explored, as she is, by design, a doll that emotes. Which I guess is where her appeal lies. The mystery intrinsic to the character is never completely done away with, even at the very end. And the case could be made if the third incarnation of ‘Rei’ is even the same character that we’d become accustomed to, as her eventual rejection of instrumentality is a stark contrast to the cold pragmatist that bookended the TV series.

 The (quite literal) congratulatory nature of the series conclusion was always conspicuous in its inclusion. Evangelion had never been a work that had an interest in servicing its audience, at least in terms of a ‘happy’ ending. Which isn’t to say that wasn’t a possibility, but the tonal dissonance in which it was delivered never quite rang true. As an audience, we were conditioned to cautiously enjoy any brief respites afforded to our characters, as more often than not, it was simply a prelude to the turmoil that was soon to be heaped upon them. All of which (keeping with tradition), means the course correcting of EOE ups the stakes by an order of magnitude. The imminent attack is at the worst possible time, with each pilot being indisposed. The first big sequence, the assault on NERV, is a veritable massacre. Everyone’s fates are conclusively played out, whilst the Evangelion units become the focal point. 01 is promptly captured, whilst 02 (along with Asuka) is sunk to the bottom of the lake. This leaves Misato to attempt to galvanize an unstable Shinji. It’s kind of galling to see Shinji act so despondently in the face of her imminent death, though his selfishness probably obscures that fact until it’s too late. For me, Katsuragi is probably the most well meaning of the entire cast, but tragically, is someone woefully inept of providing the emotional support that others around her need. Her own weaknesses are clear to see, and although many of her problems are often emphasized for comic affect, she is still one of the few who straddles the line between her duties and profession life, perhaps the most convincingly. Like most other characters, she serves as juxtaposition to Shinji’s own conflict, and highlights how everyone is dealing with their own issues, just with varying levels of inadequacy. Her final actions echo her previous (failed) attempt at comforting Shinji, with her own loneliness giving way to fleeting intimacy.

Everything hits a crescendo once the Evangelion finally make their appearance, quite literally. Asuka awakens, and with it, her centrepiece battle takes place. I’m sure that it isn’t really something that I need to go into exacting detail about, because the following scene is enduring all by itself. Though it is notable as a culmination of the various elements all coming together; music, animation, along with the story. This is where EOE leverage’s its theatrical status for all its worth, eschewing the patchwork TV production in favour of something grander.  The actions scenes are often impressive and horrifying in equal measure, and there is probably no greater proof than here. Asuka’s death is certainly disturbing, and much of that is down to how they chose to portray that violence. For me, it recalled earlier moments, where the eldritch abomination like nature of the Evangelion had been evoked. These moments give the audience a brief pause for thought, where much is suggested of how horrifying their (The Evangelion) unshackled nature truly is. The unease, which these moments produce, suggests that something is terribly untoward. Most of which is conveyed in how we (the audience) see others react, gleaning what we can from cutaway shots of onlookers recoiling in horror. If recollections of Unit O1’s previous ‘feast’ already served to perturb, then this surely toys with our imagination yet further. We only see Unit 02 itself being devoured, and now knowing what we do about the distinctly human aspect of the Evangelion, the horror of Asuka’s fate here, trapped inside, now inhabits an altogether more unsettling space. The series ending, try as I might to appreciate it, was never going to suffice. It was nice to see Shinji’s own paradigm being settled, but I felt like it would have been more effective with a little more of that ambiguity stripped away. For as much as Neon Genesis Evangelion likes to steep itself in duplicity, this is where it’s felt like it was something of a compromise. The inner turmoil was my key takeaway from the work as a whole; it forms the crux of every relationship, and dictates the course of every action. It’s a lonely show, something that if not apparent from the get-go, slowly permeates throughout the narrative. Shinji is an initially an awkward character to relate to, bumbling his way through his scenes, though much of this weak nature is revealed to be a product of his environment. The world in which this all takes place is irreparably damaged, and even if the true extent of the second impact isn’t made expressly clear, it becomes quite apparent that humanity lives on in its own self-inflicted dystopia. It is this inherent contradiction that defines nearly every relationship, as each is unwilling (or unable) to acknowledge their true feelings. It is ultimately a self-destructive existence for the likes of Shinji, who permeates multiple meanings to his interactions with people, the paradoxical nature of which is explored in the conflict that defines the multiple endings and interpretations. Shinji is our proxy, but even so, it can be difficult to empathize with him. A hero he may be, but it’s more by designation than by design. It’s a role, which he consistently questions, as he exhibits almost none of the values we typically associate with someone tasked with such a mammoth task. He ostensibly comes of age throughout the series, gradually gaining some semblance of self-worth, though it a precarious act as he constantly seeks assurance from his father, and later anyone (which becomes something that Asuka resents him for). No character is treated like a proverbial puppet more than Shinji. In fact, it is SEELE themselves, who objective turns out to ultimately “break” Shinji, rendering his ego to naught. For all intents and purposes, it could be argued that the whole world is literally against him, at least by his own perceptions. His relationship is Asuka is extremely strained, initially showing hints of affection, with their hilariously depressing kiss encapsulates this dichotomy; Neither the circumstances (nor the characters) allowing for anything to take place. Even the slight reprieve offered in the finale (Asuka’s acknowledgement amidst the fallout) is obfuscated by the context in which it’s delivered.

Shinji’s journey dictates the ending, first, in the original series, where his perspective colours the ambiguity from which we see the fallout. Thematically this works (and I can see why some may prefer the agency it gives the audience), though I feel that the abstract nature of this ending, robs it of some emotional resonance. This conclusion is also hampered (at least for me) in how abrupt it is, with certain story threads left dangling. In my opinion, ‘End of Evangelion’ lives up to it’s billing as it gives a much more balanced and subjective conclusion, where we see first-hand “The Human Instrumentality Project” in effect. I was suitably invested to the point where I wished to see how the end was reached, and of course, see something that wasn’t cobbled together with recycled animation or slight of hand. I can certainly appreciate the original ending as a companion piece, which serves as a more personal and intimate resolution. But the fact remains, a lot of the fascination surely lays with how incomplete this all feels, with each finale, seemingly answering as many questions as they create. That said, I find that both endings offer up a surprisingly optimistic message. The original may be more overtly upbeat, but I think that EOE’s is lent more credence by virtue of the horror that precedes it. The life affirming message is delivered in the most tragic of circumstances, and I perhaps find that most heartening of all. By no means does ‘End of Evangelion’ end on a positive note, but I think it’s enough that it carries the promise of one. The somber sentiment may be more prevalent for some, though my rebuttal would point to the fact that, for as depraved and unethical the means may be, everyone ultimately wants to be happy. There is something to be said about the apparent theology that makes up a large part of Evangelion, and even if it has no real implication beyond the aesthetic (those initial warnings from long-time fans that, yes, a lot of the pseudo Christian imagery is window dressing at best. ), I still feel that its prominence casts a large shadow over proceedings. If nothing else, it certainly lends a morbid atmosphere to the show. When one starts to take this aspect into closer consideration, it’s easy to see why theory regarding Evangelion has become so prevalent. One of the constants throughout is the titular Evangelion. Though they remain a focal part, their function, both narratively and thematically, are constantly shifting. Initially agents of change, they are presented as a mysterious, if helpful force. Gradually this is peeled back, as various allusions are made to what they actually are. Throughout, we see how their pilots are affected by their experiences in their cockpits. Shinji is continually drawn and repulsed by the idea of piloting his Evangelion, seeing it as a means to forge something meaningful, whilst at the time, also aware of how dependant he becomes of his new role. Rei is driven by a sense of twisted duty, one that routinely sees her sacrificing herself (needlessly) for the cause. And Asuka perceives her role as raison d'être to obfuscate her own past, this being both a strength and a weakness. For better or worse, the Evangelion define them, and as the story progresses, we see that this takes on altogether more sinister connotations.  When viewed as an allegory, I think Evangelion holds multiple meanings, depending on what part is being referred to, or indeed who is viewing it. My initial impressions were pretty much taking it at face value, though I think the misdirection of the opening is a deliberate ploy for the most part. I’ve read that some take it as a deconstruction of the very genre it inhabits, though not having much experience with that myself, I choose to focus solely on the emotional aspects. Indeed, the psychological (and philosophical) strands become much more prominent as the series progresses, as it steadily veers into becoming a wholly oblique affair. Humanity may live on, but in spite of itself; something which is made abundantly clear, throughout.

Though its message initially seems quite muddled, I still feel it one that still manages to remain pertinent. I certainly can’t fault it for ambition. And there is something to be said about a piece of work that I simultaneously feel, is one of the most bleak and uplifting things I have witnessed, flawed or otherwise. I appreciate the themes that it chooses to explore. I like the characters, even in spite of everyone being contemptible in some glaring way. And in that respect, this series is nothing, if not a parade of characters struggling to deal with their emotions. But maybe that’s why I like it amidst all the abstract craziness; it retains a very human message.

[scripted-dalliances]

Rest In Peace: Chapter Twenty

Title: Rest In Peace

Chapter: 20

Summary: A part of Faithless Fairy Tale, a more in depth look at how they brought Laura back to life. Appearance of old faces, creation of new ones and if you’re looking for canon, it left a long, long time ago. If you squint you might be able to see some pieces from the book.

“Omnia vincit Amor: et nos cedamus Amori.”  

Love conquers all: and may we cede to Love. -Vergilius

+

What Laura doesn't know, is that her scream was forever. That it tore a hole in the fabric of the after world, into the very flesh of the universe and every layer it could ever hold.

Only to have it push right back and pull.

It wrenched at where she held everything she was, and felt it slip out of her all the same. She felt alive and dead, empty and full to bursting, godlike and broken. The story of Laura McCabe, of Laura Moon unraveled like a scroll, miles long and full of damning black ink. All her truths, all her lies. 

She felt it all be pulled out and exposed, felt the universe reach in and take.

It wanted to make her hollow, so it could pour something better in.

Her story, her spirit and heart fought for dominance, against the might of the universe. Felt it's weight and teeth on her throat, demanding she accept this gift.

Of life restored, of a sacrifice so willingly given.

After all, it was hungry too for what it had been offered and promised in return.

It wanted to taste this new, raw energy. This terrible and glorious heart. To watch it stretch out into this new life and see what came of it.The universe wanted to consume her and spit her back out. Wind her up and set her loose. A mystical and powerful new toy, to play with for eternity.

It wanted to do this on the bones of something old, something red and gold. Something once forgotten. Something given.

This is what it means to be a god, to give yourself up, to build yourself anew, and that is why you must do it alone. Why no one can do it for you. Only you can climb this tree, this ladder, this pain and learn from it.

You have to burn, drown and split yourself open. You have to believe, and it is difficult thing to do all these things at once, blind and alone, and come out stronger.

You have to have a stubborn heart.

-one made to house all those difficult secrets of the world, filled with more than just blood and love; but hate and suffering too. 

The best stories, myths and legends always do.

+

Except...

Except Laura McCabe doesn't want to be a god.

She doesn’t want the powers, doesn’t want eternity or shared weight of the world. To her, there is nothing worth knowing if she can’t decide what is being told.

In fact. There's a lot of things she doesn't want. 

She doesn't want forever and a day, if it means ever feeling as alone as she did, trapped under a tarp with bug spray in her mouth.

She doesn't want to share her heart with the universe. She doesn't want to give it the satisfaction of knowing all of her, and letting her life fall in the same predictable pattern it had when she was just a lonely girl, with a hole inside her.

She fucking hates that story.

Just as she didn't want darkness and a grave, she decides bluntly where the universe can shove it's so called gifts. She didn't want them.

She didn't even want this stupid fucking coin.

But she could share it.

+

Ibis has bared witness to a great many of things. 

He has seen the end and start of many stories, even ones likes this. Where a man and a woman take on death, gods and try to earn their forever. Obviously, sadly, most of those stories do not end well.

 Death is never simple, and rarely likes giving up it's secrets. Let alone it's ghosts. It does not play the role of kindness, if it can.

He expects this story to be like the others, and wrap it's self up. Laura will have her life, paid by Sweeney and become a new god, restoring the balance left behind in her death and his.One of luck most likely, maybe one of justice for fallen women.

His fingers twitch to write it down, it's a rare thing to not know for sure.

“We will help her.” Nephthys promises to no one, and he tilts his head to her catch her cutting expression of fear. He looks back at Laura and Sweeney, still knelt before the scales.

Mad Sweeney is rested against her, hand on her chest where he shoved the relic of Isis in, an offering of the strongest spark, of life sacrificed. Perhaps something had gone wrong? Perhaps Laura had lost too much to want to return. Maybe her heart as weak as any other mortal's against the unknown.

“Right, sister?” Nephthys questions again.

Isis, the All-mother; who knows secret names and all the power that comes with knowing, simply says, “Keep watching.”

Ibis turns his attention back to Laura and Sweeney and shockingly finds himself looking at something new.

A mortal ripping apart her own ticket to godhood.

-but there Laura goes, breaking tradition and reason, and any laws they've might have had. By splitting herself open during her own rebirth.

With mortal grip and mortal pain she digs within her spiritual self, pulls out the blood drenched coin. The piece that started this, that gave her justice, strength and a chance at forever.

He watches in mute awe as she snaps it in half.

“Who the fuck said your story was over?” Laura tells the dead man in her lap, who looks peacefully at rest and that seems to piss her off further. “We are not done. I am not done with you.”

Laura takes one half of the coin and shoves it in between Mad Sweeney's pale lips. So deep and violently, that her knuckles are cut bloody by his teeth. She repeats the process with her own mouth. Swallowing the half of the coin remaining in one large gulp.

Together they radiate a slow glow, a shimmer until it gets so bright even Ibis has to tilt his gaze away. They glow like new born starts until finally the leprechaun chokes back to life. In her arms, the two are reborn together, the magic between is new, wonderful and frightening to behold.

Like two suns shining at once.

“Oh...” Ibris says in wonder.

+

Isis smiles, looking over the pair. Glad to see her little ruse worked. All Laura needed was a push, to choose what she really wanted and her heart did the rest. A strong enough heart, with enough pain and luck to fuel it could do a lot of impossible things.

A pair of cool fingers slide to hold her's, and she turns to look up at the handsome face of her husband. He kisses her cheeks, and she feels his love renew her.

That's how her own story had developed once upon a time. Osiris's end was suppose to be just that. Set made sure of it twice, but Isis had traveled the roads, rivers and every hill for his pieces because she believed she could bring him back. When her loss had driven her mad, when failure after failure meant all that longer without him, she had continued undaunted.

Not out of wifely duty, not because she was told to or because it was written but because she refused to lose him. He was her's, and nothing had the right to take him. Not even death.

After all in her heart, there was no Isis without Osiris and vice versa.

So she had gone against the universe, when she put him back together like a puzzle, with nothing but thread and her sister's helping hands.When she opened his mouth and shared her breath with him.

Her touch, her heart, her everything.

But before all that. Before she was ever called a god; she was a woman who had held the shreds of her other half in her hands and roared at the hole developing inside her.

That had always been her beginning, as much as her end. As much as his.

A forever. 

It had always been a story of blood, mutilated corpses and loss. With her own kin telling her no, while the world hid him and the universe laughed at her for daring to try this feat alone.

To this day, she smiles with satisfaction.

For the chance. For having him in her own complicated way because she was uncompromising as the Nile it's self.

For never once apologizing for it.

-because that's the best story of all, when a heart tells death no.

And wins.

+

>

[mister-maiden]

Alien Isolation: Screams can definitely be heard from MY space

The sound of alarms fill your ears as you run down the spaceship’s steel hallway. The walls are lined with blood and synthetic fluid which shine from the lights of orange sirens hooked to the ceilings. The only objective on your mind is to stop this distressing sound from waking whatever horrors lay dormant in the hull. As you make your way to the security station, you hear the faint sound of scratching slowly gliding across metal. The air duct shakes violently as you press the halt button on the terminal. The orange lights of the alarm stop flashing, and the noise dies. Not a sound could be heard as you look around to make sure you’re safe...Only to be met with a sudden crash from the ventilation just above you. A scaly, black figure suddenly drops into the room, its hissing growing louder as it seeks for its prey.

It has found you. 

This is Alien Isolation, developed by Creative Assembly and released in 2014. Alien Isolation is a part of the Alien franchise created by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett. The game takes place 15 years after the original movie. You are Ellen Ripley’s daughter, Amanda Ripley. You have been told that a flight recorder from the Nostromo, your mother's ship, has been found and sent to a space station called Sevastopol which is where most of the game takes place. There is no inherent danger before you enter the ship, so you bring no form of self protection. The only things you have are the skills that earned you a place on the team. You’ll find weapons and items to use on your trek across the war zone that now is the Sevastopol. With your prowess in engineering and quick thinking, you’ll have to sneak around people hunting for food, synthetics (robots) glitching out, and an alien hunting for its next prey.

The setting of being in space was such an excellent decision. One already feels alone in the dark abyss that is space, having a horror game placed on a spaceship was perfect. The phrase that keeps playing in my mind is “In space, no one can hear you scream.” This isolation and lack of supplies only enhances the panic raging on the Sevastopol and its tragedy stricken environment. 

So many things are broken and smashed because of the panic the creature had caused. Wires are sparking, oil is leaking, and corpses lay on every corner. Every man is for themselves on this ship and that becomes very apparent once you read the data logs left around, (much like Amnesia and Outlast’s notes). This place that  was supposed to hold life and safety in a vast playground of death has become a hunting ground with no rules. A hopeless situation with no chance of survival, you’ll find the bodies of crew members and synthetics tossed around like toys...yet not a single alien corpse to be found, which makes the situation that much more confusing and horrifying.

The visuals are absolutely beautiful. The lights are radiant, the hallways are shiny, and the alien is horrifying. They definitely had to study up on the Alien franchise’s usage of visuals to completely nail this one down. Everything is polished and the controls feel very smooth. I was very impressed with how the visuals work as you look at your motion sensor. Basically, if you look down at your motion sensor, the background becomes blurry, so something could rush you without noticing it. You have to sacrifice your perception to gain a better look at what is around you.

I think it’s very difficult to distinguish the music from one game to another game because I look at the way in how it bends, moves, and the instruments. You have your typical panic induced crescendos in almost all horror games to keep the player’s heart thumping. You have your lighthearted fantasy guitars of RPG games to keep the character’s sense of adventure going...So how does Alien Isolation remain different and individual? Simple. It stays to its roots of sci-fi and uses elements of the same music used in the original movie Alien.

This isolation the player feels is not created by the atmosphere alone. The music is what really does it...because if you listen close enough...there is hardly any at all. Sure there is a faint drown of violin here and synthetically made music there to satisfy those sci-fi needs with a dull single noted hum, but the game does try to keep it pretty quiet. That is, until you find another person. It’s an excellent way to force the player to feel alone, which makes it all the more horrifying to come face to face with an alien that is nearly twice your size.

The enemy variety forces every area to have a possibility for death. People try to rummage for supplies to survive, synthetics roam the hallways in search of “helping’ people, and the alien scurries through the ventilation system. All of these variables means no area is safe. You may be walking across a hallway and suddenly you find yourself screaming, being dragged up into the shaft just above your head by sharp, black claws digging into your shoulders and a sword like tail being driven into your chest. It keeps the player on edge constantly. My favorite is when you approach a save station which begins to blink red when an enemy is nearby. Imagine turning around to see an angry giant rushing at you.

What’s different from other horror games like Outlast and Amnesia is the introduction of a crafting system and weapons which lets you defend yourself. This forces the player to go out of their way to have to look for supplies to create such things like flares, med kits, and distractions to keep the alien out of your way. It gives the developers an excuse to force the player into unsavory positions. Do you attempt to sneak around the enemies and not use up your supplies? Or do you try to kill fellow survivors and take their gear? Without the proper equipment, you may find yourself face to face with a situation you simply can’t handle...but do be careful. Loud noises draw the creature. You can also use this to your advantage to call the creature to groups of enemies and have them be taken out by claw rather than bullet. There are many places to hide like desks and lockers, but eventually it may just find you. 

You obtain a motion tracker that allows you to look in a direction and see a small “blip” every time the sensor scans the area just like in the original movies. It doesn’t tell you whether it’s a person, a machine, or even a rat which makes it worse when you have to try and confront the “blip”. It helps you see when you are not exactly isolated and something is just around the next corner, waiting for you to pop your head out. This was such a unique edition to a horror game because we’re so used to getting jump scares. How do you make a jump scare out of something that is already there? Which brings me to my next point.

The alien is the ultimate pursuer. It’s senses, quick movement, and hunting prowess makes it impossible to face in head to head combat and THAT’S SCARY! Facing this unstoppable force when you have weapons that are supposed to kill things is scary. It’s the illusion of choice that truly makes the situation bad. You’re given these weapons like a flamethrower or pistol and yet it doesn’t even affect the alien. It doesn’t even phase the damn thing and only halts the inevitable. The story isn’t half bad. It’s the typical escape story given to most, if not all horror games. Amnesia: Escape the castle. Outlast: Escape the hospital. Alien Isolation: escape the station. I’d rather not discuss most of the story since this is merely a review, but I can say that you won’t be playing the game for the story. I can hardly remember the objectives and story lines, but I can clearly remember the areas and enemies I had to face.

This is such a fantastic game for me. I am a huge sci-fi nerd and have been waiting for a good horror game that incorporates this idea for so long. Not only does it introduce a great conflict in the un-biased nature of an alien, it forces the player to use their instincts and try to get around situations in their own way. You have to be smart about your choices and understand the AI just as much as the AI develops to your choices. It was a wonderful adventure that I have tons of hours on even today.

My Experience:

 The game was absolutely horrifying. From the very moment I set foot upon the Sevastopol I could tell everything was amiss. Electronics were firing off randomly, scratches and bullet holes lined the walls, and not a soul was in sight to greet me upon arrival. The game truly makes you feel isolated as you make your way through the corridors to find the recorder from your mother’s ship. You have no comrades on this venture. You have no help. There is no one to talk to through this entire venture, and it’s a LONG adventure. It took me days to even finish this game and I love/hated every second of it. The game made me want to scream at times, and others I just wanted to stop because I was frustrated, but boy was I satisfied.

I’ve always been a big fan of sci-fi ever since I was in grade school. I was my old high school’s sci-fi captain. We met every week on Fridays to watch sci-fi films and eat snacks. We watched a bit of a play through of the game before I bought it myself to try. I was a fan of horror games at the time and had no idea what I was in for. I figured the story would be a typical escape story, but I was not expecting the level of detail in the environments and enemies. I’m glad I got to experience a bit of this game with someone who was special to me, my mother.

Now, Mom didn’t like scary things. In fact she made it a point to scream as loud as she could at the screen if something scary happened or yell at the television in dramas when she was angry which made it all the more horrifying to see an alien or synth...yet all the more comforting to know someone was by me. My parents didn’t really get my whole hobby in gaming, so it was a surprise when my mother wanted to watch a few hours of the game. Since gaming is more of a solo hobby when not talking to online friends, it felt awkward at first. I had to explain what buttons did what, what I was doing, or why we were trying to escape. One scene that stuck with me was when she told me to, “Kill the shit out of that thing,” as an alien charged at us. Of course I died and we both groaned in frustration, but that was some of the funniest moments I got to experience with my mom. She supported my hobby even if she didn’t understand it and I’ll always have a special place in my heart for her. Love you Mom~

[spiritdogtraining-blog]

Play With The Dog In Front Of You

(Original here: Play with the dog in front of you) Playing is an aspect of dog ownership that is very important for me. If I don’t have a lot of time and need to pick between either playing with or training my dogs, I will pick playing. It is bonding, it teaches us about our dogs and – if done right – it is plain fun.

The title of this post is a play on the saying “Train the dog in front of you” – i.e. individualize your training approach to suit the needs of your dog, which may be completely different from the needs of another dog. There are dozens of different ways to teach your dog to sit or heel, and we should not train a generic dog – but the individual in front of us, who we know better than anyone else does.

The same applies to playing in my eyes. There is not just playing tug and playing fetch. Games have many different layers just as training does. We have wild and dynamic play, silly play, calm play and everything in between. It is our task to find out what type of game our dogs prefer the most.

My two Border Collies for example are very different in their play preferences.

First, there is Fusion:

Fusion is not the typical high drive Border Collie. He is rather laid back, and wild fighting for a toy is not really his thing. Over time, I found out what rocks his world: tracing things moving across the ground (not really a surprise for a Border Collie!). He invented a quite sophisticated game that we call Treppenball (German for stairway ball).

Fusion lies in top of the stairway. The game is played with only one tennis ball and zero movement on his part. The human who has the honor to play Treppenball with him stands at the bottom of the staircase, throws the ball up and Fusion catches it. Then very carefully places it at the edge of the top step and nudges it with his nose just enough so that the ball starts bouncing down the steps one by one. Over time he has perfected the technique with which he has to launch the ball so that it touches each step (he seems disappointed if the it arrives at the bottom too quickly).

He watches in great delight as the ball travels down, where his human play mate has to pick it up and throw it back to him. This is repeated as many times as the human is willing to (for Christmas he has been gifted with Treppenball sessions of up to 2 hours, probably the happiest days of his life).

This is not just a silly little Fusion game, though – I have over time found that many dogs that refuse to play with balls can be enticed by not throwing, but “bowling” the ball close to the ground. The more ground contact you can get, the more tracing moving prey is resembled in the game.

I worked with a Standard Poodle who would not play with his humans. He had learned that only dog-to-dog play was fun and flat out ignored any attempts of his owners to play with him. This made it difficult to shift his interest from other dogs to people – dogs were playmates to him, people not.

In the very first session of tennis ball bowling he already showed a bit of interest (I don’t look for any more than the dog tracing the ball with his eyes for a second or two at this point, no movement on the dog’s part is required at all). It was tricky however to make him aware that we were going to roll a ball for him his eyes and focus were a bit all over the place and often the fridge making a sound or a bird flying by would capture his attention and make him miss the ball. I didn’t want to constantly chant his name, so we came up with another idea.

We got some squeaky tennis balls and devised a game in which the ball would first be squeaked – a sure way to get his focus – then as soon as he locked his eyes onto it, we rolled it across the ground. This needed to happen very fast, before anything else would capture his attention. He soon started to cautiously trot a couple steps behind the rolling ball – success! We kept the sessions very short and made sure that the ball was kept in the living room (but out of the dog’s reach), where the owners would take it a few times a day, squeak it and play with it themselves enthusiastically, before putting it back on the shelf without involving the dog – for many dogs this is a sure way to make them very interested!

Comparable scenarios have since come up many times for me, and the combination of a squeaky rolling ball has turned many play refusers into very happy players for whom the ball even became a jackpot reward!

Another game Fusion enjoys is extremely simple and effective – rolling food (pieces of kibble work well for this) across the ground. I toss them one by one, again making sure to roll/bowl rather than throw through the air, and letting him run after them to catch them. Even dogs that show absolutely zero interest in toys can become playful in “hunting” their food that way. I often play this (as well as toy games) on walks to let the dogs experience a bit of the kick that comes with hunting, and associate this kick with me – rather than squirrels

My Border Collie Kix is very different from Fusion – loud, wild, driven and always up for a fight.

While she enjoys tugging and everything that goes along with wrestling over a toy very much, I found out a different game that is great fun for her:

She takes a toy into her mouth and then I hardly touch her or her treasure at all – instead, I myself go a little crazy. Sometimes I sit on the ground and slap my hands on the floor, like I am drumming. She bites her toy, growls and also starts slapping her paws on the ground, hitting my hands and every now and then jumping up in the air from too much fun Other times I run back and forth, she comes after me and every time we pass each other I push her chest or shoulder a little bit before racing away again. She gets more and more crazy and determined to “catch” me, while also shaking and growling into her toy. As silly as it must look, these are moments of pure joy for us. No strings attached, no training required, just playing for the fun of it.

I am still learning a lot about the play preferences of my 8 month old puppy. I take a lot of time to explore all kinds of toys and ways to play, as well as giving him the time to find his play personality.

We play several times a day, especially if he initiates it by bringing me something. As long as it is not too inappropriate (of course I don’t play with anything unsafe or breakable), we play with it.

One of his special interests are the little plastic cones I use to hold up cavaletti poles. When he was barely as big as those cones he was already dragging them all over the house, eventually leading up to bringing them to me as a game invitation at the most awkward times – often I came out of the bathroom to find a little puppy sitting right in front of the door next to a plastic cone, looking longingly at his priced possession and asking me to have a game of cone tug and fetch.

Invest some time into learning about the very individual play ideas of your dog, no matter how strange or unique. The more you adapt your play style to your dog’s, the more fun you will have!

[the-firebird69]

Mac Daddy plan to intomb everybody the time he took it over Tommy f and it's not that good at and he's rough and his sloppy and he makes mistakes and he's not about control as Mac Daddy was before Tommy f beat him up now I like to know how they investigations coming along about 1975 and One flew over the cuckoo's nest where my clients being playing it looks like Trump killed Mac after the fact that suffocating him and it seems that Tommy Anthony had done the surgery and on Trump as well probably as Jack Nicholson

Zues Hera

Well I figured out something tell me after the surgery is and he blamed everybody else we find our evidence down there that it's him and all his troopers they can't keep talking about it nobody gets it what I know you know is he's got all this cloning and you're going after it and your situations worse than mine but we do is to get it out the issue corrections and all that stuff but he's a huge pain I mean it is very difficult here I'm sitting on all these shadow dome and they're the only ones are going to be left on Earth and his are going to concentrate on it and boy if this comic stuff didn't come across maybe doomed

Mac daddy

We're going straight a few things out here in other words we're going after tunnels and the shadow domes I'm going to finish it off Tommy f is going to be done shortly believe it or not this money thing and the data and the comet it's going to ruin him we believe it's true because the numbers huge huge numbers of people are coming out now to face him gigantic numbers believe that Tommy f was after George Floyd and he was completely he showed up as a cop later and he said it all sorts of evidence is them and his Marauders giant giant piles of evidence that he's Mr sinister and Dr Doom Dr evil Tommy f Al Capone and may have been stolen who looks just like Saddam Hussein and his father was playing it but in Iraq it was him and he got revenge on his father and that's what happened he kick it all off

Thor Freya

There's a huge number of people are saying thank you to him and you're saying I need stuff I'm sitting here at Poor's dirt I can't move I can't get out of here I need to go to Miami for the job I can't seem to do it so they're going to try and help and they're going to try and get some stuff going tons of people into it now and the light cycles help me it's amazing it's like sneaking something by him sorta and the bike is easy to ride and a lot of people can ride them send driving a car almost to some people some people get the tires little wider and then when they stop they don't have to do anything they don't have to put their feet down they found that out on the regular Sim model cuz the tires so wide and you can do it without lowering the pressure just do it required pressure some Lord if you and you get a sit down like a rock it's really weird we have different kickstand systems too some go back people love those cuz you can't really get hurt with it and it won't fall over tons of people love it he has such a pain this is a huge advanced it's lovely you sold so many of today and it's not even funny I was like 200 septillion no it was like 200,000 septillion all different ones small ones the toy one mostly the Chinese version it's cheaper and it's adequate and it really does a job well and tons of people buying the regular one it's like the everyday one which is like a lesser extremely well and it won't stay up when you stop but it's not hard to hold up it's not very heavy and it works great it rides so well at speed is like not even going fast it's like the difference between the Saab handling and it yourself that our son drove he said that song was like the best driving cars he's ever driven and his key was pretty good but it is a relief driving something that handles while he said then the tires got all messed up actually drove over something but we don't mention it it was this huge divot and the son took care of it her sense of care our son she was pleased

Olympus

Look you people have to shut up our son's poor because of you and your master you have to shut up we come in there and beat the s*** out of you you want to say stupid things you say it to each other you're poor and losing because of each other your big mouth you need to shut up

Olympus