#she lies on her deathbed and begs to give more to the cause

[carefulfears]

an endless line

[retaliationrp]

And when you find him, we don't kill him, we just waterboard him; we killin' 'em for freedom 'cause they tortured us for boredom.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: Maria Alvarez 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 & 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒: cis woman & she/her 𝐀𝐆𝐄: 39 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  part-time mechanic 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  Sinful Ones 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊:  vide-president 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌:  Diane Guerrero

+   loyal, self-assured, clever -   violent, pigheaded, duplicitous  

TW: CANCER, DEATH

maria was born and raised in lancaster. her mother, sofia, was out of the picture when she was young — fled to follow some dream or another — but her father, dante, remained and raised her the best he could. they struggled a lot with money and keeping things afloat, but he never let his daughter think that she would go without; he always made it work.

by the time maria hit middle school she was already showing promise in academics, but didn't pursue any of it. she started to sabotage her own progress on purpose and remained middling, even after her teaches tried to contact her dad about how she had so much potential. he'd talked with her, asked her why she was tanking and go a response he wasn't expecting: I don't care about going on to bigger and better things, I'm staying in Lancaster and I'm helping you.

as much as dante wanted his daughter to leave — spread her wings and fly more than out of his life — he'd raised her to do what she believed in and so he couldn't very well try to force her out of it. he asked that she not fail her classes, that she excel as she would normally, but deny any offers that didn't appeal to her. he'd hoped one would come along to give her a reason to leave.

he decided, just in case, to spend time with maria and teach her a trade of sorts; he'd always worked odd jobs here and there and briefly at one of the mechanics in town and had a lot of knowledge in that realm... so he taught maria.

maria knew her way around the engine of a motorcycle before she hit high school and, as per their agreement, continued to be exceptional in her classes while still maintaining her work with her father on mechanics.

she had plenty of time to be free and do her own thing, getting into the trouble that most teenagers do and, on more than one occasion, ending up in the back of a cop car because she was not nearly so pale as her co-conspirators; she ended up bitter after a while over this and made sure to keep her nose as clean as possible, so to speak, while still reveling in her youth.

when she was fifteen, dante got cancer, something that had been in him for far too long and had been left to molder until it had spread and eaten much of who he was. they hadn't had any money or convenience to get him checked before when he was asymptomatic and so everything got out of hand. maria wasn't handling it well and often got into fights with the nurses, though never actually hitting one, and generally raged against everyone and everything and the cruelty of the system.

he only had a year with her, and he had nothing to leave her beside the house. deathbeds are a strange thing and dante, in his delirium, forgot how he'd wanted her to be free to choose... he begged her to sell the house for whatever she could get for it and leave, especially now that he was going to be gone.

only sixteen and having to listen to your father, weak from chemo and barely hanging on, begging you to leave the only home you've ever known and leave behind the only family you have on record was too much. even if he passed, he'd still be there, in that place, haunting it in some way or another and she wanted to feel that weight on her.

she lied, she promised to leave and find her own way, to appease him before he died, knowing full well she was staying right there for the remainder of her life. he passed quietly in the night with a smile on his face and his sleeping daughter's hand in his.

she now owned a house but did not want to end up in the system. she forged a way to stay, leaving school in the process and any of her father's actually hopes for her there with it; all it took was a little half-assed paperwork and the system thought maria was in new mexico with extended family being looked after. the system didn't really care about girls like her anyway.

seventeen and on her own in a house and needing to pay the way, she started to take odd mechanic jobs, not actually applying at any one place as it might raise some red flags, but doing off-the-books work to help out when people needed a sub-in, especially at the mechanics that didn't mind a little under the table work.

the money wasn't great, all in all, but she managed to survive; she kept the lights on in the house, kept the water running, kept it tidy, and ate (if not well), and she survived. that's what she did. that's what she does.

as she turned eighteen and realized that the bills were being paid but she was saving up zero money for any kind of future (even if she planned to remain in town), she turned to the strip club. there were people who would derisively snort at strippers or anyone in sex work, but there was no shame in maria's game; she knew she was a pretty woman and she knew that taking her clothes off and getting men to pay her bills just for the chance to see her naked was a damn sight better than struggling elsewhere.

she took pride in her work, and when anyone tried to break the no touching rule, she often broke a nose. it would have gotten her into trouble at most jobs, strangely enough, but at that job she was given a nod as a bouncer escorted the bleeding patron away. she felt like herself.

it was only six months in when someone new approached and sat in front of her. she recognized him from one of the shops she moonlighted at for mechanic work — he didn't work there, she didn't think, and she hadn't really seen him around town much but that's where she saw him — and didn't let it stop her from doing her thing. there was money given (far more than most) and a piece of paper along with it. someone wanted to talk to her.

the meeting was out of town, not too far but far enough to not be considered lancaster. maria was wary of it and knew that something else was going on but she sat down, she listened, she was offered a position in a club that would rival the wild coyotes and, to her credit, she asked questions. not hard or invasive ones, but she wasn't keen on leaving lancaster where her father's ashes had been spread and needed to know more.

she didn't get it. it wasn't her place to be asking but she was offered a chance to be involved in something that could change lancaster, and with that promise she was sold. being a prospect was never a fun thing, however.

she suffered at the hands of her seniors, but did so dutifully, finding herself in situations that involved crimes that she didn't mind committing, even murder in some cases, and didn't really think about the law-breaking of it all. the law had never been kind of her and she was trying to get her own foothold... become something as her father had wanted, though he likely hadn't pictured that.

it took a while to get patched in, and in the process she acquired more than her fair share of bruises, scars, cuts, and tattoos; she became a harder person overall, but shrewd and quick witted. she understood the ins and outs of several venues of revenue for the club and offered herself up for as much as she could. she built up a seat of loyalty and dedication to the sinful ones. she served, she evolved, she created, and she was good at it.

it was only a year or so ago that she found herself offered the position of vice president, not hesitating to take that oath and serve the club as she always had. they had designs on lancaster now, and she was going to see her home returned to what it was, rather than what it was forced to be over the years under the wild coyotes as they lost the thread of what they were meant to be.

she and the rest of the club would see it done, you can bet on that.

[bailey-whalieee]

Super-Soldier Snuggles

(summary- y/n finds herself having sleeping problems after her parents death and  her two super-soldier boyfriend's are there one step at a time.)

✮

Six months and five days. Every liquor bottle in the house had been empty since then. Her shoulders were slumped, her eyes carried pain that everyone feared would never go away. The young girl had bags underneath her eyes.

And when the two super-soldiers came rushing through the door that night, every bottle of alcohol in the fridge had been drank. The liquor was gone and their girl was on the road to alcohol poisoning.

But, it's six months and five days later. She was sober, not on her deathbed, and learning to grieve with the death of not one, but both of her parents. It was a long road to get where they were now. No matter what though, Steve and Bucky stayed with Y/n. Even when, she broke down in the car because their favorite song came on or the time she came home from work in hysterics because she had a hard day and wanted to call her mom.

Now, things were getting better. Y/n was seeking comfort in her two husbands and a grief counselor, that they begged her to see.

Grief was a tricky problem, because she fought it off daily. It was hard wrapping her mind around the fact that her childhood house wasn't her's anymore or how her children aren't going to have grandparents.

Y/n had found clever ways of hiding the problem. Staying up late watching stupid sit-coms only to silently sob half-way through them when Steve and Bucky were finally asleep. Driving around the block she used to live on as a kid. Suppressing the memories down with vodka and prozac.

It was easy for Steve and Bucky to tell she wasn't fine. There's only so much someone can do to hide the potent smell of vodka on their breath or on their lips.

Sleep wasn't much of an escape either. Hell, Y/n had got down on her knees and begged for the man above to rid her of the torment in her dreams. She dreaded it. It was just another chore. Steve had been awoken by her harsh movements and breathing during the nights many times, so was Buck.

She usually woke up in short pants checking to make sure they were both still asleep-of course they weren't- and then Y/n would drag her aching limbs out of bed and into the kitchen where she would stay. Then eventually, she would fall asleep with her cheek pressed against the cool counter and one of the men would come scoop her up and back into bed she would go.

It was painful for them to watch her go through this. She was struggling but refused the help. The counseling sessions stopped, the opening up stopped, Y/n stopped. Their girl had fallen within herself and nothing was helping.

Steve and Bucky were sitting in the living room after a long search through SHIELD files for details on their next mission. Y/n headed off to bed ages ago and from what JARVIS was reporting back, she was actually getting adequate sleep.

A long sigh escaped the captain's mouth, making the man next to him look up from the file.

"What's on your mind, Stevie?" Bucky put the file on the coffee table, giving his attention to his husband.

Steve's brow creased with worry and there were a million thoughts shooting through his mind. He was anxious. Bucky sensed it the moment Y/n uncurled herself from the chaise longue sofa and bid her short goodnight. He was worried about their wife.

"I'm really worried about her Buck. I mean, when are we going to stop beating around the bush and tell her we know she's not okay. I don't want her slipping back into alcoholism and refusing to open up to us.. I don't want her to get that bad again. I just, why did this have to happen to our girl? She doesn't deserve this, Buck," Steve spilled.

Tears were welling up in the blonde's eyes as he shook his head. Bucky paused before deciding to answer his husband.

He knew what Steve meant. The recovery process was in no means linear, but when Y/n lost them, they watched her life become heavily involved around alcohol and escaping. She had gotten so drunk that she was just drunk all the time for the first month after their deaths.

Bucky and Steve were quick to catch the forming addiction and put an end to it. Y/n went to a rehab therapist, sought out help for the oncoming addiction and got better. It didn't mean that stopped her from slipping up a time or two.

"I know. I'm worried too, Steve. I just wish there was something we could do about it-" his answer was cut off short when JARVIS chimed in above the two men.

"Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rogers, Ms. Y/n seems to be having a nightmare. Her breathing is erratic and her heart rate is climbing, you should probably check it out sir's."

They both let the files hit the floor and they rushed with urgency to their shared bedroom. Y/n had nightmare's, but they were never this bad. She was thrashing and pleading in the heap of covers that were shoved on top of her.

Sweat glistened on her skin, tears flew down her cheeks rapidly. Small, "no, please, no, no," were escaping her mouth.

Y/n was not familiar with the room she was currently in.

Blurry and soft ivory whites met her vision as she glanced around. It did not feel right being here. A loud ticking clock clouded her hearing. Angel sculptures were littered around the pristine room. Her movements were light and airy as she moved around the room.

She was brought into another room filled with several large clocks.

"What the hell is going on?" she whispered out.

The sound of two voices startled the young woman. They sounded so familiar and missed to her ears. Her head whipped in every direction trying to figure out where or who was coming. The woman soon realized it was the two people she missed more than anything.

Her mother and father.

"Mama! Papa!" she cried out running into their arms, where she was welcomed and loved always.

Tears were overflowing from her eyes as she held onto her parents. "Why are you crying sweet child? You have nothing to fear, for we are right here," her mother cooed patting down her hair.

"I love and miss you guys and I have so much I need to tell you and ask-"

Her father smiled before quieting her rambling, "we must leave now."

Y/n's face dropped, and sobs attacked her ribcage. "Wait! No! Please! No! Mama! Papa! NO! PLEASE NOT AGAIN!" she sobbed, falling to her knees reaching out for her beloved parents once more. Images from memories much like this one, scattered her brain.

"Doll!"

"Y/n, baby come back to us! You're okay, sweet girl!"

Her eyes snapped open and immediately she sat up. Disoriented and confused, Y/n tried to make sense of the incident she had. All she was met with was two very worried husbands that were on either side of her.

Her shoulders slumped back and her soft lips quivered. Choking out small, feeble sobs Y/n crumbled into their hands. "Sh-sh-sh.. You're going to be okay, doll," Bucky coaxed.

She completely broke in Steve's arms, suffocating on the sobs that clawed their way up her throat. Y/n shook and trembled in the captain's arms clutching onto the thin grey shirt he had on. Bucky peered up to his husband, Steve's face held a solemn expression as he tried to calm the hysteric woman.

"Hey, hey, hey.. You're okay, Y/n. Babydoll you gotta breathe," Steve reminded, smoothing down the mess of hair that stuck to her cheeks due the amount of tears spilling from her eyes. Bucky gently grasped her shoulders and forced her to sit up, allowing her airways to be less constricted

Y/n gasped and sputtered on air, “I can’t. I can’t do this. I don’t wanna do this anymore!”

Bucky’s hand fell upon her cheek and she leaned into the embrace. Steve did the same, hoping maybe the touch would soothe her. Still, she fought the air that was trying to force itself down her throat.

“Y/n, baby, sweetheart, you have to breathe. I need you to focus on breathing, can you do that for us honey? Hmm?” Bucky encouraged rubbing his thumb over her crimson tinted cheek. Her eyes darted all over their room as she tried to focus.

Her mind was far too scattered to focus on taking deeper, slower breaths. Y/n grew frustrated with herself.

“Doll, look at me. C’mon look at me,” she clenched her eyes shut ignoring Steve’s soft commands. She wanted to at least prove she could calm herself.

“Baby, please look at Stevie. Let us help you,” Bucky urged, gripping her shaky hand.

Y/n finally unclenched her eyes, locking them with Steve’s. “In through your nose and out through your mouth, baby. I know you can do this. Bucky and I aren’t going anywhere, I promise. We are going to stay right here as long as you need us, Y/n. Just need you to breathe, okay?” he hushed.

She reached out for his hand and interlocked it with hers, never failing to keep her gaze with Steve. “Baby, you remember the time that you saw that Corgi in the park and practically begged Buck and I to buy one ‘cause of his fluffy butt? Or the time that you were making a birthday cake for me and you completely forgot about it so it was practically burnt to ash?”

Her ragged breathing stopped and a small giggle tumbled out of her mouth. “Atta girl, look at how beautiful our baby is, Stevie!” Buck gushed causing the captain to chuckle and Y/n to blush.

She wiped her irritated eyes and mumbled out, “thank you..”

“Now, do you wanna tell us what caused you to get so worked up? You really scared us there, doll.”

She tensed at Bucky’s words  and looked down at her hands. “Buck, Stevie.. I-I’m not okay. I’m really not okay. And I- I just.. I didn’t want to tell you guys because I was doing so good, but I really wasn’t. I’m still hurting. Everyday. I just- I can’t do it. I can’t believe it, I don’t want to,” she ranted, a few tears slipping out, “and I can’t sleep. I keep having nightmares. I’m sorry I lied.. “

“Awe, Y/n listen to me. Bucky and I are never going to fault you for missing your parents. That is all natural. Grieving is not going to lead you down a straight path, dollface. You’re going to have days where you can’t get out of bed and days that you can. Honey, you just need to take it one day at a time, yeah?” Steve smiled softly, kissing her forehead.

Y/n just couldn’t contain it, she threw her arms around Steve. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her, tightening the hug. “Come’ere Buck, join us,” Steve opened one of his arms to welcome him into the hug as well.

Bucky snickered enclosing the gap between the three of them. He allowed his shin to rest against one of Y/n’s shoulders. They all stayed like that for a minute, basking in the love and contentment of one another.

For once, Y/n felt at peace. All she could feel was the warmth of being smashed in between the two super-soldiers. Bucky moved from the hug, hearing soft snores coming from the woman. “I think we wore out with all the snuggles?” he snorted, moving pieces of hair away from Y/n’s face.

“I guess so. Let’s hit the hay, Buck. It’s getting pretty late,” Steve glanced over at the clock. Two-thirty am shined brightly on the digital clock.

He let Y/n hit the soft king bed curling up into both Bucky and Steve’s arm. Before they knew it, they were out like lights, and Y/n didn’t disrupt from sleep the rest of the night. She found comfort from the snuggles they showered her with.

✮

[asoiafanimals]

AGOT X - The Royal Family

(aka. Gee Robert, are you sure those kids are legitimate?)

Robert Baratheon: Red Deer

Robert Baratheon is the King of the Seven Kingdoms, who came into power after rebelling against the Targaryens in response to the Crown Prince kidnapping his betrothed. Before the events of the first book, his Hand of the King and former foster-father Jon Arryn dies, so he travels with half of his court to Winterfell to appoint his childhood best friend Ned Stark. He has grown fat and lazy in the years of his Kingship, and is uninterested in the actual business of ruling. He allows the pet wolf of Ned’s daughter to be killed and refuses to listen when told he cannot fight in the tourney melee. After an argument with Ned over his decision to assassinate the pregnant girl Daenerys, he goes off into the woods to hunt, where he becomes too drunk and is fatally wounded by a large wild boar. On his deathbed he tells Ned to reverse his decision to send assassins after Daenerys, and names Ned as regent until his eldest son comes of age.

-

Baratheons = Stags is fairly obvious, and Red Deer seemed like the most intimidating option other than things like elk and moose. They aren’t exactly very muscular as the Baratheons are especially in the legs, but that’s a small enough thing to change up through a fantasy lens. Most pictures of Red Stags I could find seemed more Rebellion-era Robert than GOT Robert, and the one I’m using is the one that best fit. I like to picture a big fat thing with a huge ruff of fur around its neck, and antlers almost too heavy for it to carry (don’t ask me how his antlered helm would work, maybe the helmet is specifically forged to fit around the antlers?)

Cersei Lannister: African Lioness

Cersei Lannister is the wife of Robert, mother of his heirs, and Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. In Winterfell when Robert goes out hunting, she and her twin brother Jaime have sex in an abandoned tower but are discovered by Bran Stark. Cersei instructs her brother to do something and he pushes the boy out of a window. Later on the Kingsroad, she takes the side of her son Joffrey and orders the execution of Arya’s direwolf, when the wolf cannot be found she instead orders the execution of Sansa’s direwolf, who was innocent. When Eddard discovers the truth that her children are illegitimate and products of insect, he meets her in the Godswood and gives her a chance to flee because he intends to tell Rober the truth when he returns from his hunting trip. She attempts to seduce him, but fails. Prior to Robert’s hunting trip, she had given her cousin Lancel Lannister instructions to give Robert too much strongwine, so he would become drunk and be killed during his hunt. On the morning of his death, she denies Robert’s will of having Ned be named regent, imprisons him and murders his household. She arranges for a public confession and for Ned to be sent to the Wall, but her son Joffrey ignores her advice and executes him instead. 

-

Cersei is roughly the height of Ned, just a bit shorter than Jaime and a lot shorter than Robert. She’s very slender and even her upright walk is very catlike. 

Joffrey Baratheon: African Lion

Joffrey Baratheon is the heir to the Iron Throne and the legal son of Robert and Cersei, betrothed to Sansa Stark. On the Kingsroad, he and Sansa come across her sister Arya sparring with a butcher’s boy, Joffrey commands Mycah to spar with him and draws blood, causing Arya to jump to his defence. When Joffrey turns his rage on her, he is bitten by her wolf Nymeria, and he lashes out at Sansa when she attempts to help him. He lies and claims that all three of them attacked him, and Sansa’s direwolf Lady is executed as a result. When his father dies and he is named King, Sansa begs Joffrey for mercy for her father,  but he goes against both her and his mother’s wishes and orders him beheaded for spreading the fact that he is born of incest. Joffrey names his grandfather Tywin as Hand and dismisses the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard Barristan Selmy in favour of his ‘uncle’ Jaime Lannister. He forces Sansa to look upon her father’s head when he has it placed on a spike.

-

Joffrey is old enough that his proportions are more like those of an adult lion than a cub, but his mane hasn’t come in fully yet and comes in short tufts and spikes around his neck and head. The cub in the photo is the right proportion, but his mane is a little fuller than that. 

Myrcella Baratheon: African Lioness

Myrcella is the middle child of Robert and Cersei, and their only girl. During the feast at Winterfell she dances with Robb Stark, and on the journey to King’s Landing she rides in the Royal Wheelhouse with her mother, where Sansa occasionally joins them. She and her brother Tommen mistake Arya for a boy when she chases cats in the Red Keep. Eddard Starks discovers that she and her brothers are products of incest, being the children of Cersei and her brother Jaime. The King’s brother Renly instructs Ned to seize her and her siblings, but he refuses. She is present when Ned is arrested in the throne room.

-

Myrcella is older than Tommen, and thus a little bit bigger. I imagine her as quite plump, with big cheeks and big eyes, and a lighter fur shade than her brothers. She only has a few spots around the bottom of her legs.

Tommen Baratheon: African Lion

Tommen is the youngest child of Cersei and Robert, and the heir to the throne after Joffrey. At Winterfell, he is beaten by Bran Stark in training with wooden swords. He and his sister mistake Arya for a boy when she chases cats in the Red Keep.  Eddard Starks discovers that he and his siblings are products of incest, being the children of Cersei and her brother Jaime. The King’s brother Renly instructs Ned to seize the Royal children, but he refuses. Tommen is present when Ned is arrested in the throne room.

-

Tommen is definitely the smallest of the children in the books, probably only a little bit bigger than Rickon. He’s definitely a little pudgy boy, with short little legs and a big round body. He still has all of his cub-spots. 

Genetics

So this definitely requires a follow-up explanation on how the genetics of this alternate-universe works along with my Catelyn post. When two different species reproduce (don’t think about the sex stuff too hard), the offspring will usually all be of the one species, only with a 1/50% chance for an outlier. The general perception in Westeros is that the more ‘noble’ the house, the more dominant the gene, but this is really just explained by the large proliferation of larger noble houses anyways. It is seen as a slight affront to the father’s masculinity if his offspring are not all his species, but only in the same way that having only female children would be, or marrying a non-virgin woman, or being impotent, etc. 

So Robert and Cersei’s children being lions doesn’t really raise as many eyebrows as much as them being golden-haired does in canon. For this is to be believable every other Lannister/House pairing in the series results in lions (Cleos Frey, son of Genna Lannister, is a lion), and all of Robert’s bastards are red deer. 

[0lshadyl0]

Hi may I ask for yandere Shoto x fem reader non-con, she's part onryo and thinks she's unattractive.

>sees the word onryo in the ask

> has zero ideas what the hell is that

> do some research time *insert elevator music here too* > understand what onryo mean 

> has an existential crisis because this gives a full OC's creation material but doesn't have the time for that because of Christmas /but still creates one for her future villain oc blog/ 

> surrender and do the request 

well, the idea is nice and have a good non-con material but I think that this answer will be kind of different at what you asked since I have to give a more realistic way of what an onryo is and her characteristics   

first of all, Onryo is  (怨霊, literally "vengeful spirit", sometimes rendered "wrathful spirit") refers to a ghost (yūrei) believed to be capable of causing harm in the world of the living, injuring or killing enemies, or even causing natural disasters to exact vengeance to redress the wrongs it received while alive, then taking their spirits from their dying bodies.

mainly these spirits are feminine, women who were abandoned by their husbands, their husbands were capricious and made them suffer a lot or that on their deathbed their husbands promised not to remarry but breach their promise, they are also distressed women who curse their beautiful Kimonos

now with that explained, let get this jam~

Get you back to me, Yandere Todoroki Shoto x Onryo Reader

warnings: cursing, rape, verbal abuse, death, toxic relationship, cheating, betrayal 

word count: 2223

He would have been able to avoid that catastrophic end, if he had only acted before, if he had not respected your wishes, letting you be "happy" with that moron who only caused you unhappiness while cheating on you with whatever woman crossed him, he would not be there crying... at your funeral

You endured his abuses, lies, deceptions and from time to time, knocks from when he arrived drunk to your home, forced your door to insult you, reminding you how horribly ugly you were and that you should be grateful that he fixed his gaze on you, then he was beating you, watering his beer in your bruised face and then going to the neighboring building where he slept with some other girl

But your kind heart did not allow you to recriminate or blame him, even though Shoto insisted that you leave the son of a bitch, after all, you deserved better, you, a sweet woman who with a smile from your lips made the heterochromatic transcend to nirvana and thank all god that he knew for the fact of your existence, you only saw him as a friend, he, who treated you as if you were a queen, you only allowed him to be the one to console you after the mistreatment of the loser who didn't treat you like Todoroki thought you deservedAnd that's how in the bicolor's desperation to show you that he loved more than him, that you deserved more than that fucker, that you should be in his arms and not his; one night he invited you to his apartment, a luxurious pent-house, where he started drinking with you while they talked about worldly subjects

Sometime later, when you were a little past from tipsy, Shoto took advantage of your moment of weakness, in the middle of your crying while you were questioning if you really were so horrible that the love of your life decided to meet your fleshly needs with other women while he only gave you hurtful words along with blows that occasionally left you in the hospitalShoto comforted you by massaging your back while slowly directing you, preventing you from tripping over various furniture on the way to your room, where he laid you in his bed, so that later when all the alcohol went up at the head so that you were almost half unconscious, he proceeded to undress you, then he undressed and made love to you as you had never felt beforeIn your alcoholic state, you thought that the man to whom you gave all your passion without inhibiting yourself, was your beloved who had finally decided to stop fucking with other women to finally surrender entirely to you, perhaps, your relationship with him, at last, was going again for a better way

But you were not aware that those sweet moans and your lascivious expressions full of desire were not seen by the man you thought you were giving yourself, but, on the contrary, it was Shoto who enjoyed you at that moment even though he hated  a lot that the name you moaned with such fervor was his damn one, but he let it go through this time, after all, it was he who had you at that moment, fucking in and out of you to finally implanting his seed deep inside your walls The next day, when you woke up, with tremendous headache due to the hangover, you realized your mistake, seeing you wrapped in the arms of the bicolor man, quickly and ignoring both the headache and your best friend who asked you to stay in the bed with him, you said no while looking at him with hate shouting that you would never forgive him, also when I try to approach you, you slapped him "I hate you! I hate you Todoroki Shoto, I trusted you and you took advantage of me" you were angered"Understand Y/n, I have done it for a good reason" he was surprised since he had never seen you so furious"No! I will not listen to you, you have gone out of line with this, I do not want to see you anymore! I want you to disappear from my life!" You yelled at him, which he got shocked and in his chest, a feeling of emptiness was beginning to be generated within it

In a clumsy way, you put on your underwear while a shiver ran through your body, feeling like liquid began to come out of your pussy staining your pantyhose, you knew very well it was and fear seized you for that, because, yesterday was the day most likely for you to get pregnant, something that Shoto also knew since he was the one who remembered about your menstrual cycle since you were quite forgetful about itYou just put on some pants while the feeling of betrayal got into your heart, you had made it very clear to Shoto that you didn't see him that way, you already loved another person and, even so, against your wishes he got you drunk, he fucked you and he came inside of you, by this point you already understood that his intention was to get you pregnant so that you had no choice but to marry himWith tears in your eyes, you put your shirt in a bad way and left the apartment all messy, making it clear to everyone with your image that you had a lot of sex, but that didn't matter to you because you just wanted to get to a pharmacy and buy the morning after pill, take it, go to your house and bathe to remove all evidence of Todoroki in your body, although you saw it complicated with the marks of hickeys on your neck, breasts, and legs

But for your bad luck, just when you left the elevator you saw your boyfriend with another woman, but this was not any other woman, she was your friend, rather, your best childhood friend, the same woman who now she was massaging  her body in the chest of your beloved with lust, however, he was very busy looking at you with the deepest disgust that could manifest on a face"I can not believe that someone as disgustingly horrible as you 

 had the audacity to fool me with anybody out there" he said seeing in the obvious state in which you were, it showed from afar that you had fucked someone"I have more pity for the poor idiot who put his cock inside you, after all, you have always been the ugly of both," said your supposed best friend making fun of you "but this show of betrayal of you, damn bitch, make the things easier for us, no honey? ”she looked at your boyfriend"Consider any shit that we had finished, I already found a  prettier bitch than you" said your now ex-boyfriend while giving your now ex-best friend a hard spanking and smiling pleased with himselfEven though you wanted to say something, prevent the relationship from ending, beg for him not to leave you for another woman, you raised your right hand to get the attention of your beloved, but he gave you a look of hate that pushed back your advance for fear of him hitting you right thereWithout more I just watch you as he left with another more beautiful woman, a woman you trusted, you thought she was your friend and  in the end, she betrayed you, saw how they kissed inside the elevator while the doors closed and your heart, like your desire to live, broke into a thousand pieces

Feeling as miserable as a person who was abandoned by the person they love the most in the world, terrible pain in your chest took your breath away, arching to try to ask for help you fell to the ground while suffering a heart attackWhen Shoto came out of his shock and dressed half decently to run after you and apologize, in addition to making sure that you didn't clean up or take a pill the day after, thus ensuring your pregnancy and that his plan could end with a successWhen he arrives at the lobby, he contemplates how paramedics tried to give you first aid, there were people between horrified and curious seeing you suffer, Todoroki accompanied the paramedics to take you to the ambulance to quickly go to the hospitalHe was sweating cold, inside Shoto it was a whirlwind of emotions, but mostly there was the terror of whatever happened to you was serious, unfortunately, his fear was confirmed when they arrived at the hospital, you had died from a heart attack, according to the doctor was stress-induced cardiomyopathyYou  literally died because the son of a bitch broke your heart, now he had to bury you while he lamented your death and the future he would never have with youBut, much to the surprise of the bicolor, you came back to life, or, rather, you were forced to return to live with your quirk, one that you didn't know you had, after all, you were supposed to be quirkless, but not, you had a quirk, but it would only be activated if you died

Your quirk was Onryo, a skill that allowed you to come back to life to retaliate for all the evils that had been caused to you in the form of a vengeful spirit full of hateThis organization was the legion of the elite, a criminal group approved by law that was responsible for dirty work, of any kind, that the government ordered them to do in exchange for being exonerated of any type of crime they committed in their "time free"This group had been following you for years, since one of its members, who could see the future in the long term, saw your potential to kill in your vengeful spirit formSo they decided that you were as miserable as possible by the time you died, you became a powerful murderous spirit which they would control, they were the ones who killed your parents, they brainwashed your boyfriend's brain to make you psychologically weak until he point that you only wanted to die, either by suicide or other methods, so your brainwashed boyfriend, mistreat you by telling you every day that you were horrible, betraying you with other women, while beating you and making you feel worse than crap, not only that, they also brainwashed your best friend to fall in love with your boyfriend and take it away from you

At your funeral they were there waiting for the few who came to visit you, a few friends to whom the organization did not take importance because they were not very significant to you and the pro-hero Todoroki Shoto, they waited for them to leave to steal your body and resuscitate you, the wait was long since the hero stayed a long time crying your loss, regretting not having forced you to break up with your boyfriend so that you were with himNine hours later, when the squad in charge of stealing your body began to lose faith that the hero left, Shoto finally did, he was called to attend an emergency of a villain attack with a water quirk

With renewed hopes, the five members stole your body successfully, then in one of its many bases your spirit was brought back to life with the help of a necromancer and sealed in a puppet that had the same image of your body, now with your spirit inside the puppet, you seemed as if you had never died, with the small difference that you no longer had the same personality, in you there was only hate, the desire to avenge yourself of all the women who hurt you and you took your revenge, you killed them allIt didn't take long for everyone and, above all, a certain pro hero with half white half red hair to realize your return; Thanks to the legion of the elite that provides you with the information of all the women with whom your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, you went and killed them all, you eliminated all those that you knew that they had hurt you because the truth is, you had no idea that the ones that ruined your life were the same ones that now helped you and that you started to consider them as your new friends, all because they're gentle, supportive and caring with you, and that comfort was very welcomed As soon as Todoroki learned that you were walking again in the world of the living, for the first time he thanked the existence of that organization of legalized mercenaries, after all, they had given him a new opportunity to have you by your side and this time he would not leave, not even if you gave him a negative answer, he was going to have you whenever you want it or not, he would keep you safe and take care of you as he couldn't do it the first time, without wasting time, he began his search to find the legion of the elite and above all to bring you back

................................................................................................

this was so long, why I can’t do short scenarios?

[frenchcirce]

Pride, Narcissism and Prejudice- chapter 30

"Oh my poor nerves! Lord Hara! Lord Hara!"

Lady Hara's shouts resounded throughout the house, making her husband look up from his correspondence in mild irritation.

Mai and Masako, who had taken advantage of the lady's excursion in town to sit with their father in the morning room, stopped their embroidery to share a look of surprise. Lady Hara's usually came back from her stroll with fresh gossip. What sort of news could she have heard to be riled up so early in the day?

The lady appeared in the doorframe, her complexion an unhealthy shade of puce, clutching her heart in an apoplectic manner.

"Lord Hara, Masako, there you are! Oh this is terrible, terrible!"

The sisters' curiosity morphed into alarm at the sight of their mother. Masako got up immediately to help her sit down while Mai rang the bell to call for Jenkins. Both were used to the theatrics, but Lady Hara seemed genuinely affected this time, panting and struggling for air.

"What happened my dear?" Lord Hara asked, quite startled himself by his wife's state of disarray.

The lady slumped ungracefully on the chair Masako was leading her to, fanning herself uselessly with her handkerchief.

"You will not believe it. I have-" Her head bobbed right and left in utter desolation -" terrible news to share!"

"Mother, I beg of you, do tell us what is affecting you so greatly!" Masako implored, growing more and more agitated herself.

The timid voice of Jenkins dared interrupt the pandemonium.

"You rang miss?" she asked Mai hesitantly, staring wide-eyed at her usually scary but currently weeping employer, who was very uncharacteristically half sprawled on her chair.

"Indeed, please fetch a cup of tea for Lady Hara immediately," Mai commanded, leaving it to Lord Hara and Masako to try to wrangle a coherent explanation out of her mother. "Oh, and add some brandy to it," she added after a worried glance at the lady.

Jenkins bowed and promptly left. As soon as she passed the door Lady Hara started crying.

"Oh my poor Masako," she sobbed. "The Yasuharas…"

The mention of their friends had the two sisters gasp in horror, fearing for their friends' wellbeing. Were they ill, or did they suffer some accident? Even Lord Hara frowned, concerned.

"The Yasuharas?" he prompted, the room suddenly very still.

Lady Hara hammered her answer through ragged exhales and sobs. "They... They left Netherfield... just... yesterday!"

Masako and Mai released the breath they had been holding and stared at her mother reproachfully for giving them such a scare.

Lord Hara's concern vanished immediately before the lack of actual catastrophe. "Is that all?" he asked in disbelief. "You had me fear someone was on his deathbed! The Yasuhara fellow going on a business trip is nothing to lament about, from what I know he does that pretty often," he grumbled before returning to his correspondence, feeling foolish for having taken his wife's theatrics seriously.

"No, no! You do not understand the gravity of the situation!" Lady Hara insisted, waving her handkerchief frantically. "They left for good!"

Lord Hara merely shrugged. "Still not a matter of life and death. We did quite well before their arrival, and the new neighbours may entertain you as much," he snapped, sitting back on his chair to show he didn't want to partake in the ridiculousness of the scene anymore.

"But they left Masako behind!" Lady Hara shouted in a last bout of indignation.

Her comment was lost on her husband who was already absorbing himself in the content of his letter.

It felt, however, like a slap for her daughters. Masako became so pale that Mai went to her side, fearing she would faint.

Her reaction had Lady Hara to suddenly straighten up in her armchair to grab Masako's trembling hand. "Masako," she breathed, hope shining in her feverish gaze. "Could it be…"

She licked her dry lips, eyes set on her daughter so intently she looked almost insane. "Masako," she resumed, "have you, by any chance…have you concluded… you and Yasuhara, could it be… "

The question was left untold, but both sisters understood it perfectly. Masako took a few breaths before shaking her head and averting her eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment her answer was about to bring.

"Nothing of the sort, Mother," she said in a strangled whisper. "We are not and have never been formally engaged."

Lady Hara fell back into her armchair and let go of her daughter's hand, releasing a long and dramatic wail.

"That wretched Shibuya!" She sobbed. "If only he hadn't persuaded Yasuhara to leave!"

"Shibuya?"

The name left Mai's lips in a grief-stricken cry before she could help it. Thankfully Lady Hara was too focused on her own desperation to notice the oddness of Mai's reaction.

"Their laundry maid told me." She sniffled. "Shibuya had to leave, good riddance, but he made the Yasuharas follow him. On such short notice! How could he, that… that horrible man! All is his fault!"

Once again the old lady surrendered to desolation, impervious to her husband's annoyed stares and her ghastly pale, shaken daughters.

 Naru.

 Yasuhara was gone and it was because of him.

Mai's hands fumbled to clutch the back of the chair before her, her legs threatening to give out. Her ears were ringing and her head was spinning with unanswered questions.

What had Naru done? What had she done?

 Had they left because of her treatment of him?

Was it her fault?

Her heart turned to lead as she begun to decipher the situation. Naru hadn't lied that night. His last words had been his farewell indeed.

Yasuhara wouldn't ask for Masako's hand.

And it may have been her doing.

As she regained her bearings Mai realized that her sister, taking advantage of Jenkins' return with a fuming cup of tea, had excused herself with admirable countenance and was now fleeing the scene.

Mai ran after her without even bothering with manners, leaving behind her adoptive father to deal with his wife and her litany of cries about the unfairness of the situation and the impossibility to find a better suitor in their county.

She caught up with her sister in the middle of the staircase.

"Masako!" she called, breathless.

Masako slowed her pace and stilled, facing the floor upstairs to avoid looking at Mai, her back unnaturally straight.

"Masako-", she repeated, softly this time.

She approached her sister and quietly took her arm. Masako smiled, in a way that would have appeared quite natural for most, but that Mai could tell was strained.

"Do not worry on my account Mai," she said, her face still stubbornly looking away. "The situation does not affect me as greatly as you seem to think. I shall miss the former residents of Netherfield, naturally, their company was most pleasant. But they were nothing more than strangers to us after all, and I see no harm in things staying this way."

Mai shook her head, the gesture lost on her sister. "I do not believe any of those words. I know what tender feelings you harbour toward Yasuhara. And I am fairly certain he holds similar ones for you."

Masako let out a sound between a sigh and a laugh. Her mouth contorted in a wry, desolate smile. "If he did, he would not have left so suddenly, without even a word for me."

Mai opened her mouth to retort, but found herself unable to utter a word. She could have spared Masako the shock of discovering Yasuhara wasn't to ask for her hand, yet two days after hearing about it from Naru she hadn't gathered the courage to crush her sister's dreams still. It was because of her cowardliness that Masako was in such a situation. What right had she to comfort her?

So she just tightened her grasp on Masako's bristling arm, wishing this simple gesture would convey all the feelings her voice couldn't.

Masako's shoulders slumped under the touch and she finally turned to face her, unable to completely hide the sadness behind the stretch of her lips this time.

"No," she denied as she delicately but firmly pried her arm out of Mai's hands. "We must simply admit that we have been mistaken in our assumptions, and that his behaviour toward me was simply the expression of fraternal-like affection, and nothing more. Really Mai, I am feeling perfectly fine. Now please let me go, I feel the need to be alone for some time."

Mai's heart sank as she let her hand fall back limply at her side, watching Masako's back go further and further away. She didn't try to stop her, nor did she offer any consolation.

How could words alleviate the grief of a broken heart anyway?

—

It was enough, Mai decided.

A week had passed since the uproar caused by the Yasuharas' departure, and things seemed to have returned to normal at home.

Lady Hara was bedridden, moaning every passing second about the loss of the rich and handsome suitor and terrorizing the poor Jenkins, who had to replace Masako who her mother couldn't bear to see.

Lord Hara was gleefully spending his days in the peaceful privacy of his office, or in the morning room now devoid of the presence of his wife.

And Masako…

Masako was behaving as usual. She was being polite, demure, her chiseled features always drawing the perfect picture of the emotions she was expected to show. She smiled at jokes, widened her eyes appropriately at surprising news, frowned when the discussed matter required disapproving. She was acting perfectly unaffected. Too perfectly.

She may be able to fool everybody else, but she couldn't dupe her. Mai could tell she was still heartbroken.

It had been difficult to leave Masako by herself to grieve. Her sister deserved an explanation, and a shoulder to cry on, and Mai had wanted more than anything to offer the two. But she could also sympathize with the need to sort her thoughts by herself and let time soften the shock, so she had given her the privacy she wanted.

But now Mai had enough. Enough of the sorrowful atmosphere. Enough of the guilt eating at her, enough of the secrets which seemed to constantly come between her and her friends. Enough of leaving her sister in the dark about Shibuya and what had transpired at Netherfield's ball. Enough of Masako pretending.

She needed to speak to her.

The opportunity arose when she spotted Masako putting her hat on in the parlor, a light shawl on her shoulders. The day was too young and her attire too simple for visiting, so the young woman was most probably going out for a stroll.

"Are you perhaps going on a walk?" she asked.

Masako nodded, her hands fastening the ribbons of her hat under her chin. Mai put the basket with her embroidery supplies on a nearby chair and hastily grabbed her own hat.

"What a wonderful coincidence, I happen to need to visit a few shops in Merryton -"

"I am not going to Merryton," Masako interrupted, patting the artful bow she had just made. "I just plan for a little stroll in the fields."

That didn't deter Mai in the least. "Is that so? Well, I feel like taking some exercise myself," she said while tying her ribbons haphazardly, not wanting to leave her sister the time to find an excuse to go without her.

Masako narrowed her eyes at her. "I would have thought the hour too early for your taste."

"Not at all," Mai lied with a blinding smile. "I enjoy the peace offered by the wee morning. I hope you do not mind my coming with you."

It wasn't a question, so Masako could only nod and sigh at the hurried way her friend was getting clothed for their walk.

"Take a shawl," she instructed when Mai made a move to pass the door. "The air is still crisp in this season."

Mai complied, chuckling fondly. Even the annoyance in her tone couldn't hide Masako's caring underneath.

"Here, shall we go now?"

Masako nodded and both geared toward the door.

The weather was indeed breezy despite the cloudless sky, and in these early hours of the morning the fields were basked in a misty fog the timid sunshine hadn't managed to dissipate.

Mai tightened her shawl around her shoulders, grateful she had listened to Masako's piece of advice, and inhaled deeply, feeling her anxiousness dissolve in the peaceful atmosphere. The golden colours of the scenery, the delicate warmth the sun was dusting on her cheeks and the soft chirping of the birds were a balm to her tormented soul, putting her mind and heart at ease.

Masako was walking beside her in silence, her features serene and unusually open.

"What a beautiful landscape," Mai breathed. "Had I any talent, I would have made it a painting."

"I do not think a painting could do it justice," her sister remarked in a soft, even tone. "The merit of the scenery is to be alive, fixing its colours on a canva would simply kill its magic."

"Then I am glad that I am here to enjoy it with you, for we can share this moment and its memory."

Masako hummed in agreement, and the two sisters walked for a little while in a companionable silence, the sound of pebbles rolling under their feet the only telltale of their presence in the fields.

"I came to understand why you savor these morning walks," Mai sighed softly, admiring the swirling colours of the sky.

"Do you, really?" Masako muttered. "Or did you use this excuse to have a talk with me?"

Mai smiled sheepishly. Considering how unsubtle her behaviour generally was, it was no surprise Masako had seen through her pretending.

"Both, to speak with honesty," she said gaily while taking her sister by the arm. "I do want to have a word with you, but being here really soothes my aching heart."

Masako frowned, confused. "Aching heart?"

Mai's smile vanished. "We shall have the long tour if you want me to explain from the very beginning. For now, I shall simply say that your grief is related to mine."

"My grief?" Masako exhaled sharply. "Mai, I already told you that there was none involved-"

She stopped short when her sister suddenly let go of her arm to turn and block her path, her expression serious.

"Stop this nonsense!" Mai cried. "I already told you that I do not believe those words."

Masako shook her head and opened her mouth to deliver yet another denial, but the determined, pained stare of her friend was enough for her to reconsider. Conflicting emotions animated her usually stoic features until resignation settled in.

"Neither do I," she admitted. "But what else shall I say on the matter? Pride is the only thing I have left."

Pride.

Mai tried to conjure the sudden image of a livid, dripping Naru leaving her house with his back straight and his head high after she had been too prideful to accept him. Or the dignity of a dashing Shibuya inviting her for a dance, rescuing her from both gossip and prejudice. Naru biding her farewell, his gaze troubled and his lips hot on her wrist.

Pride.

What good had it ever done?

"What happened to the Masako who told me to listen to my heart's command?" she asked softly.

Masako resumed her walk, seemingly absorbing herself in the contemplation of a faraway patch of wildflowers.

"She realised her own heart was not as sound as yours."

Mai followed suit, smothering a wry laugh. If she knew the real state of her heart right now, her sister may reconsider her statement.

"Even the most unsound heart has its inclination," she remarked.

Masako stayed mute, but her lips pressed together into a thin line.

"There is no need to pretend with me," Mai insisted. "You love him, I know it."

"And what if I do?" Masako asked flatly. "Would admitting it shield me from the pitying stares or the whispered gossip of our acquaintances? Would it make Mother less miserable? What would it change, except give them a reason to talk?"

Mai halted her steps and grabbed the hem of Masako's shawl. Her sister stopped and shot her a challenging look, as if daring her to say otherwise.

Mai clenched her fists, both angry and saddened by the impossible situation her sister was in. She was aware that their social circle had its eyes set on Masako, avidly awaiting for the slightest faux-pas, and that Masako could only conceal her emotions to avoid their feeding on her turmoil. But she certainly didn't want to let her sister suffocate under the stifling pressure of their expectations.

"You could simply acknowledge it to me," Mai suggested in a gentle plea. "Then, you would not have to bear this sorrow alone."

Masako's defiance slowly morphed into hesitation at her words. "It is… I am afraid that acknowledging it even once, even to you, will shatter my resolve," she conceded in a strangled whisper. "I cannot afford it."

Mai reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly, encouraging her to continue. Despite the warmth the sunlight was pouring onto them Masako's hand was as cold as ice.

The silence stretched for a minute, only interrupted by the melodious chirping of the birds and the buzzing of some stray bee.

Masako finally spoke, her voice unsteady.

"I cannot help but wonder, should I have told him more clearly how deep was my attachment to him? Would have it been enough for him to stay? Or was his inclination a mere passing feeling, already forgotten? I think too highly of him to even consider I have been played, so the only explanation I can muster is that he simply lost interest in me. And I-" she shook her head, tears now freely spilling on her cheeks, "-I cannot bear the thought."

"Masako…"

Mai felt on the verge of tears, frustrated by the unfairness of the situation. Her sister had finally found someone she could give her unadulterated affection to, someone who could elicit strong enough feelings from her that she would shed tears. But this person was now gone without any mention of return.

She shouldn't have been the one walking with Masako in this bucolic landscape bathed in sunlight. No, this place was for Yasuhara. Would he ever stand at her side?

"We were dancing and laughing together just two days before," Masako resumed, "yet he did not uttered a word about his leaving. He didn't even come to say his goodbyes! This speaks well enough about how unimportant I have become in his eyes."

"No." Mai shook her head vehemently and gently wiped her sister's tears. "He used to look at you in such a manner, that I will never believe his feelings for you were anything but tender."

Masako sniffled a last time, already reining her emotions in. "He would not have left it they were."

Mai hesitated a second, her conversation with Naru about Yasuhara's intentions toward Masako weighing heavily on her mind. She glanced at her sister's uncharacteristically puffy eyes and wondered briefly if she should tell her about it, or bury the memory in the depth of her mind to not add to her burden.

No, she decided, Masako deserved to know the truth.

"I cannot say what the exact reason of his departure is, for I do not know. However-" she cleared her throat and steeled her resolve, "However, I was told that his circumstances did not allow him to ask for your hand. I surmise cutting ties with us was his way of preserving you, so you did not wait for an hypothetical return."

She glanced at Masako warily, already dreading the question which would inevitably follow.

"You were...told?" Masako was making a valiant effort to talk calmly despite her growing agitation. "Who could have-" Her gaze suddenly lit in understanding. "Did Madoka, by any chance-"

"No."

Mai took a deep breath, deliberately ignoring the way her chest constricted at the mere mention of the gentleman. "It was Naru."

After a moment of shocked silence Masako seemed to regain the ability to speak. "Naru, you mean Shibuya?"

Mai nodded.

"Why would he…" Masako looked unsettled, torn between the trust she naturally had in her sister and the doubt the unexpected source of her statement was inducing. "Do you trust his words?" she finally asked in disbelief. "Considering he has already deceived us at least once-"

"I am certain he said the truth."

Mai had spoken barely louder than a whisper, yet her admission seemed to rang deafeningly loud.

Masako's didn't inquire about her reasons to suddenly trust a man she had sworn she despised. She simply stood quiet, her features unreadable.

"What else did he tell you?"

"Nothing much." Mai's throat was painfully tight, giving her voice a raspy tone. "Only that Yasuhara had his hands tied, from what I could gather."

"I see. May I ask why you kept quiet about it?"

The question didn't hold any animosity, but Mai felt shameful about her silence nonetheless. If only she had spoken, back then...

She felt Masako's hand gently grip her own.

"Did Shibuya… Did he perhaps threaten you?"

"No," Mai shook her head, "he did nothing of the sort."

No, she realised, Naru had never done anything hurtful to her. She had neither connections, position, nor wealth, he could have easily ensured her silence about his secret by bribing or threatening her. But instead of getting rid of her, he chose to disregard his own probable resentment toward the woman who so rejected him so harshly to shield her from their peers' prejudice. To spare her feelings, he had ignored his.

Mai wanted to cry. She had been so blind.

She closed her eyes, unable to deal with the guilt and mortification drawn by the realisation. "It was my own cowardliness which stopped me from breaching the matter with you" she confessed. "I was afraid to bring you pain and disappointment. Also…Also, I feared they left because of me, and that I was responsible for the ruin of your happiness."

"You?" Masako raised incredulous eyebrows. "Ruining my happiness? What could have given you such a ridiculous idea?"

"It did not seem ridiculous in the least!" Mai defended. "Well, not until I realised he was not this sort of person…" she amended. "Naru- I mean, Shibuya- and me…" She let out a frustrated growl. "I do not even know where to start!"

"The very beginning sounds like a reasonable starting point."

Mai didn't even berate her sister for her dry humour, already lost in her explanation.

"I acted without thinking, because, would you believe it, this idiot asked for my hand, at the worst moment, and in the most terrible way I must say-"

"He what?" Masako almost shouted , an owlish look betraying her incredulity. "Mai, when-"

"- My state of mind at the time was not exactly suited to welcome such a proposal, not so soon after rejecting my cousin, not after hearing about his false identity, and it made me so angry that I acted like a fool and-"

"Wait, Mai!" cried Masako to stop her sister's rant. "I beg of you to calm down!"

"I cannot!" Mai answered in kind. "I rejected him so harshly, and so unfairly, all because of my wounded pride. I refused to hear his explanations, I trampled his feelings, I told him the most horrible things. In my anger I told Naru I was aware of his deception, it was not my intention to let him know, but…"

Masako's gaze softened as she finally understood.

"Did you believe he left because you knew of his secret? And that it was enough of a reason for Yasuhara to follow him?"

"I-" Mai put her head in her hands. "I did believe it. But I am not sure anymore."

"I do not think you are responsible for their departure. And in the case you were," Masako said while gently prying Mai's hands from her face, "we should not regret they left, for it would mean they were not worthy of our trust and affection. Now," she added with a thunderous gleam in her eyes, "you have to tell me in detail what happened with Shibuya."

So Mai confessed everything to her, from Naru's disastrous proposal to his farewell during the ball.

"He was right," she breathed once she had related their overly complicated story to an equally bewildered and indignant Masako. "I accused him of being too prideful when I was the one who let pride dictate my actions. My treatment of him was the most unfair."

"It was certainly not unjust to reject him," her sister objected hotly, still peeved by the so-called gentleman's behaviour. "Not because his proposal was awkward, if not awful, but because he did lie to us. To you. You were absolutely right in telling him hiding his identity from you was ungentlemanly!"

"But I rejected him in such a manner that I can only think of it with mortification now. I proved to be obtuse and unyielding, I disregarded his feeling, which I came to understand, were sincere. At the ball-"

Mai had to pause, overwhelmed by the onslaught of memories from that night. "-At the ball, I finally realised the extent of my unfairness. I could tell how much I hurt him."

Masako sighed softly, her resent toward the man ebbing before her sister's genuine remorse. "It would have been fairer to let him explain his motives indeed. You were both at fault, and both right in your accusations. I must admit that his later behaviour casts another light on his character."

"I almost wish I had not seen this side of him," Mai mumbled, absentmindedly rolling a pebble under her shoe, "for I cannot despise him now that I did." Her lips stretched into a half-bitter, half-indulgent smile. "What a sly man, he managed to have the last word, once again."

"Mai," Masako started hesitantly, probing her friend's reaction, "what you said earlier about our grieves being related, did you imply… did you imply that they are of a similar nature?"

Mai raised her dejected gaze to meet her sister's enquiring one. She could still feel the remorse and longing coursing through her veins when Shibuya had left her after the ball. She could still feel the softness of his lips brushing her pulse. She could still feel the erratic beating of her heart, the fire his troubled gaze and parting words had lit in her heart. Denying her feelings would be fighting a losing battle.

"I fear they are," she replied in a broken whisper. "And that I misjudged him."

Masako's dark eyes softened in sympathy.

"We are both fools," she said, and snatched a flower from a thornbush. "Longing for such secretive men."

"We are," Mai agreed in a resigned sigh.

"It is a shame that Takigawa is not available anymore, I would have chosen him for myself. Mother would have been delighted."

"Masako!"

Mai sent her sister a scandalized look. Masako could only keep her serious expression for a short moment before she burst into laughter.

"So gullible," she managed between giggles.

Mai's incredulous expression slowly left place to a grin which turned into bubbling laughter.

Soon enough the two of them were bent in half, letting the fit of uncontrollable mirth wash their sorrow away.

"You are impossible," Mai muttered after her last giggles died down.

"Yes," Masako replied quite proudly, wiping her tears in a careless manner.

"I am glad I have you by my side."

Masako smiled affectionately as her arm linked with Mai's.

"I shall not leave it until we find another Takigawa for ourselves," she joked, bumping her sister's hip lightly.

"We could beg Ayako to give us some advice about snatching men of his kind," Mai replied in kind. "I am afraid I only know how to reject them."

Her smile fell as she remembered. "Their wedding is drawing near."

"I know."

"I will miss Ayako immensely."

"So will I. But for now," Masako said wisely, "we shall just look forward to what is to come. I think this trip to Hertfordshire in a few weeks is most timely. A few days far away from Netherfield and its memories sounds extremely appealing."

"My cousins shall provide enough distraction with their bickering," Mai chuckled. "Being the witness their matrimonial bliss may have us think twice about marriage."

With that the two sisters headed back home, walking arm in arm at a leisurely pace.

[fatihdaily]

Mehmed Bir Cihan Fatihi episode 1 - summary

It is quite long, so I put it behind the cut.

The episode begins with a vision of little Mehmed accompanied by a voice-over of adult Mehmed. Mehmed recalls how he became a sultan before he turned 12, and how he always dreamed to prove himself on a battlefield, especially to his father (and to fight with his father on campaigns). He ends the monologue with stating that when his dream was about to be fulfilled, it didn’t happen as he had hoped…

Then we see the 2nd battle of Kosovo in 1448 in which Mehmed took part, and after the battle scene we see Sultan Murad II talking to his pashas. Murad is told by Çandarlı Halil Pasha that while they won the battle, their losses are huge (21,000 dead). Candarli blames everything on Mehmed’s recklessness. Lala Pasha (Mehmed’s teacher) defends Mehmed, stressing his bravery. Mehmed finally arrives to his father’s camp and explains that everything would have been different if they had finally conquered Constantinople. He then tries to explain his plans about how to conquer the city to his father and the pashas, while Murad tries to stop him. Ultimately, Çandarlı tells him not to speak anymore and says conquering Constatinople is impossible otherwise his father would have done it already. 

Next scene is set in 1451, in Edirne. Murad lies on his deathbed and Çandarlı is by his side. Murad warns Çandarlı that Mehmed’s dream about Constantinople may be disastrous for the Empire. Murad dies and Çandarlı forbids anyone to announce that the padishah died.

In Manisa, Mehmed sees Daye Hatun, who tells him that his son Bayezid misses his mother, Gülbahar. She pleads that  Gülbahar had no bad intentions, only defended Mehmed to Murad. Mehmed replies she shouldn’t have interfered in his relations with his father and that she must suffer her punishment (exile).

Back in Edirne, Çandarlı tells his daughter Melike he doesn’t want anyone to know about Murad’s death. He still however sends a messenger to Mehmed to Manisa, informing him about his father’s death. Ishak Pasha talks about this with Çandarlı, teling him that Mehmed must remember when the two of them dethroned him when he was a child sultan and as such may now take revenge and execute them. Ishak proposes crowning Şehzade Orhan, a hostage in Byzantium, instead, especially since Constantinople is closer to Edirne than Manisa. Çandarlı however replies that the state is more important than their heads, but they will still try to save their lives.

In Constantionople, Orhan is invited to Emperor Constantine because of a letter that came addressed to him from Edirne. When Orhan visits Contantine, the Emperior tells him that Çandarlı sent a message stating that Sultan Murad had died. Constantine wants to put Orhan on the Ottoman throne because he knows Orhan will continue Murad’s non-aggressive policy towards Byzantium. He gives Orhan his soldiers and also arranges a  political marriage between his Grand Duke Notaras’ daughter Eleni and Orhan.

Eleni is a well-educated young girl, interested in architecture, who has no plans of getting married. She’s angry and upset at the prospect of marrying Orhan also because she considers Ottomans to be barbarians. 

Mehmed and his people prepare for the journey to Edirne. Sahabettin Pasha suggests to Zaganos Pasha they may finally have revenge on Çandarlı, but Sahabettin rejects the idea. Mara Hatun comes to say goodbye to her stepson and Mehmed thanks her for everything and asks for her blessing. She tells him to remove doubts from his heart and that he’s always been worthy of his father and will always be.

Constantine goes to a witch to ask her who will ascend the Ottoman throne, Orhan or Mehmed. She however refuses to tell him anything until he “stops holding Orhan’s hand”.

Grand Duke Loukas Notaras is a leader of a secret anti-Ottoman group aiming to protect Byzantium. He asks one of the members to assassinate Mehmed on his way to Edirne and other members to protect and supportt Orhan. The person entrusted with the task asks for help a mysterious woman, Evdoksiya. Eleni begs her father not to sell her for Byzantium, but Notaras replies he would sacrifice a thousand of his children for Byzantium. Eleni curses her father and vows revenge on him. Constantine says he doesn’t trust Çandarlı and his brother Demetrios says he doesn’t trust Orhan because he may turn against Byzantium to prove himself. Theodora tells Constantine marrying Eleni to Orhan against her will may turn out to be a bad idea because she’s seen the despair, fire and anger in the girl’s’ eyes, and this anger may later be turned against them. It is revealed Theodora and Demetrios are in a relationship.

Meanwhile, Mehmed and his people find Evdoksiya on the route. She pretends to be hurt as a result of a bandit attack. Mehmed however correctly guesses that those are not bandits, but the Byzantines, who were informed about his father’s death by Çandarlı. Mehmed and his people come to face the Byzantines in the “trap” and defeat them. After the fight is over, one of Mehmed’s men thanks the unconscious Evdoksiya for winning some time for their cause. Delibaș tells Mehmed they should not abandon Evdoksiya in her condition. Later at night, Delibas says hopefully Evdoksiya will survive because Mehmed will likely want to reward her for warning him about the trap. When Delibaș and other Mehmed’s men leave sleeping Evdoksiya in a tent, she wakes up, takes a knife and approaches Mehmed’s tent. However, Mehmed unexpectedly orders his people to leave before the night is over. Delibaș notes Evdoksiya disappeared. Indeed, she took one of their horses and galloped away.

Orhan has nightmares in which he has flashbacks of himself as a young boy witnessing the execution of his father upon the order of Murad II. Eleni comes to the tent and scared Orhan awakens and attacks her. She explains she only came to fetch a blanket and he tells her to sleep in his tent instead and goes outside and sits by the fire, but painful flashbacks still haunt him.

Meanwhile, Byzantines get in touch with Ishak Pasha and promise him riches and the position of Grand Vizier if he supports Orhan in winning the throne. Ishak agrees and goes to see a janissary commander, Kurcu Dogan, whom he also bribes and promises money for all janissaries if they support Orhan. He confides in Kurcu Murad is dead and the new padishah should obey old rules and traditions, not be a dreamer. One of young recruits, Korkut, listens to the conversation, unnoticed by both men.

Çandarlı receives a Hungarian envoy, who informs him that if Mehmed ascends the throne, the Hungarian king will terminate the peace treaty.

Esleme, Çandarlı s younger daughter, meets Korkut and prompts him to ask for her hand. She says her mother was also commoner, yet her father married her anyway because he loved her. Korkut tells her what he heard in the janissary quarters and asks Esleme to tell her father what is happening behind his back. He also promises not to tell this to anyone else, hoping to win Çandarlı’s favour.

Melike tells Çandarlı Halil Pasha what Korkus overheard. Çandarlı states someone tries to play them and demands Melike to say who told her such things. Melike refuses to tell, and Çandarlı pushes her angrily at the door. Esleme appears and Candarli leaves. Melike says to Esleme she’s willing to sacrifice her own life for Mehmed’s sake and that their father won’t rest until he finds the pasha who bribed the janissaries into rebelling against Mehmed.

Evdoksiya arrives in harbour where she meets with her people, who are disappointed in her failure to kill Mehmed. She however informs them about Mehmed’s plan to cross the Dardanelles Strait.

When Mehmed and his people reach Dardanelles, they notice Byzantine soldiers waiting on a ship to prevent them from crossing. Mehmed’s pashas try to dissuade him from attempting to cross, but Mehmed is insistent. He looks at the full moon and prays to Allah to help him. Mehmend and Delibaș begin to swim cross the strait in a boat, others for the time being stay on the shore. When the Byzantine soldiers are ready to shoot their arrows, darkness covers everything… It’s eclipse of the moon! Byzantines cannot see anything, while Mehmed and Delibaș arrive safely on the other side and sent a signal to others.

Delibaș tells Mehmed it was God’s miracle. He didn’t believe some saying earlier that Mehmed had God’s favour, but the year Mehmed was born was a very good one, with many children  being born and cows giving a lot of milk, so perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence after all. Mehmed shows Delibaș his drawings and informs his loyal soldier he predicted the eclipse and that’s why he was so insistent on crossing Dardanells.

Mehmed then prays for his father to reunite with his beloved son and Mehmed’s elder brothre, Alaeddin. There is a flashback in which we see a young Mehmed constantly ignored by his father and scoffed at for dreaming about conquering Byzantium, while Alaeddin was called his father’s shadow on Earth and future great Sultan. We also see young Mehmed asking Çandarlı what will happen to him once Ali ascends the throne,to which Candarli replies: “what tradition dictates”. Then we see Murad mourning the dead Ali, with Mehmed watching. Mehmed’s voice-over tells us that he knew then that his father would have rather seen him dead, not Ali. Murad requested to be buried next to Ali. Mehmed says his biggest wish was not to become a sultan, but to be buried next to his father.

Adult Mehmed then talks to little Mehmed. Little Mehmed asks him what his first step as a sultan will be: pursuing his dream or taking revenge?

We see Çandarlı confronting Ishak Pasha about telling someone of their plans. It is revealed Çandarlı co-operates with Ishak and the Byzantines and had known everything before Melike told him.

Demetrios comes to Constantine to inform him that Mehmed crossed the Dardanelles safely.

Çandarlı  confronts Kurcu and pretends he hasn’t been involved in the plot against Mehmed and threatens the janissary commander. Kurcu then goes to the quarters and announces Murad’s death. He tells his janissaries they demand a new sultan and their due pay. Everyone in the quarters shouts the same. The janissaries then marched out of their quarters.

Melike comes to her father to enquire whether he did everything about she had told him. Çandarlı only tells her that janissaries obey commands, not play games. Melike is insistent: will the unworthy Orhan get the throne or Mehmed, who deserves it? Çandarlı i only tells her to pray for herself, her father and their ruler.

Janissaries meet Çandarlı and then go together with him outside the city, where they encounter Mehmed. Orhan arrives a bit later and stays behind. Çandarlı and Mehmed look at each other… suddenly Mara appears with people who support Mehmed. Çandarlı and the janissaries finally bow to Mehmed and he rides on his horse into the city.

[hiraethidity-m]

THOU  HAST  TURNED  A  VOW  INTO  A  BLOOD  OATH.  THY  BOND  SHALL  BECOME  THE  WINGS  OF  REBELLION  AND  BREAK  THE  YOLK  OF  THY  HEART.  THOU  HAST  AWAKENED  TO  THE  ULTIMATE  SECRET  OF  THE  TOWER,  GRANTING  THEE  INFINITE  POWER ...

name: Kyoko Sakura age: 16 - 17 code name: Raven ( which has many different meanings compared to Akechi’s CROW ) persona: Wudan Witch named Opheila meele weapon: Lance ranged weaopn: Automatic Ak47′s joined: After the Phantom Thieves defeat the Medjed and before taking on the case of Okumura’s Foods. color scheme: Red,Black, with hints of White arcana: The Tower ( & death )

BACKGROUND / STORY :

As a resident of kazamino city, Kyoko grew up being the daughter of a Clergyman, whom as well lives with her little sister and mother. Most of her life was spent being home-schooled with her little sister by their mother, as this was a decision declared by their father. Since he didn’t trust the public school systems and their ways of teaching. Afraid that they would unravel everything that he had ever taught his children and the ways of the Lord himself.

As time has passed, though, her father had begun to preach more and more away from the stories that had been printed within the bible. Thus, talking about things that had nothing to do with the Lord’s word. In result to his preachings, the town disregarded his stories. Declaring him as incompetent, as well as insane. And slowly, over time, the people that came to sermons had begin to dwindle in the numbers. Until, there was absolutely no one who came to hear him talk anymore. The town’s folks opting to go to the church’s in neighboring towns, instead of their own. With no one attending the services, or money coming from the church, this causes the family to become poor – even near the point of becoming homeless.

Swallowed in regret, her father turns to alcoholism. Turning his personality completely. He becomes aggressive. He becomes abusive ( physically / emotionally / mentally ). Kyoko tending to get more of his backlash as a way to protect her family from him. This had proceeded on for weeks-months. But, how much of this could they really take, though? When would it become to late for them?

As the Phantom Thieves popularity skyrocketed, even their name had become news within the Sakura household. Their father completely against them. Finding them as sinners in the Lord’s name and nothing but mere criminals. But Kyoko saw them differently. They had become a huge topic within the household though, once the Medjed had become involved. Challenging the thieves to reveal themselves. Whereas her father supported the Medjed, it was clear that Kyoko supported the Thieves. She saw the good in their work and the justice that sought out to achieve. Their workings, is what gave Kyoko hope.

Near the end of the Medjed’s time limit, Kyoko finds herself sitting inside the public library ; the phantom’s form site displayed on the computer screen. She contemplates for a while – could she really ask for their help? Would they really come to her rescue? She reads all the mixed reviews about the group. The hatred that followed the support. She ponders over if she could really go through with this, while her fingers rest upon the keyboard. Before she realizes it, she’s pouring her story out on the screen, begging for the help of the thieves before it had become too late for her household.

When the Medjed case becomes closed, Mishima finds Kyoko’s post for the form. Once he reads it over, he finds this as something that is extremely important. How could a father do this his family? He pursues Akira to take the case. Finding this as something that would be easy for them and finding as way to keep their popularity up. But easy it wasn’t – After searching around the Memento’s for the shadow of her father, they were left with nothing; Empty handed. That’s when the group decides to take a trip the town that they resided in. Upon arrival, it is quickly learned that the father had in fact grown a palace. Showing the group to true dangers that had lied here for the Sakura household.

Due to the lack of technology in her homestead, Kyoko is never informed that her case had, in fact, become of interest to the group. Or that, they had indeed arrived to the family’s church. So when the infiltration route becomes started, and they enter the metaverse, she too, is taken to the metaverse. Simply by mistake though. It was one of those, she had been walking within the perimeter when they entered, and she herself had gotten swooped in as well.

Upon arrival, the thieves are greeted with a glamours and humongous church, spot lights adoring the front as a line of people are currently waiting outside the front doors. From there, they start their route. Kyoko though, is nowhere near them once they enter the metaverse. In fact, she finds herself somewhere located within the church already. Confused and scared about her current surroundings, she finds herself making the rounds through the church as well.

The Phantom Thieves managed to find Mr. Sakura first. They find him in the main hall, with church pews littered in people. As the thieves have their confrontations with the man himself, Kyoko happens to over hear everything from one of the top balconies. Staying silent, she simply watches as her head spins. Glee filled within her as her hope skyrocketed. She couldn’t believe her eyes – The Phantom Thieves did in fact come to her rescue. They were really here to save her family before it had become too late. A new feeling soars through her. A feeling of change to come. Something within her rattles her bones, edging her to take a stand in this fight; so she does.

As Mr. Sakura’s shadows calls them out for them being nothing but sinners, and making sure they rot in hell where they belong, Kyoko makes her appearance at last. Calling out her own father for his deeds. During this time, the birth to a new persona is made. A new contract formed.

                   I AM THOU ;  THOU ART I

ophelia is born ; a Wudan Witch persona. Her mask is raven styled and her meele weapon is a lance. It is then, that Kyoko promises to make him change his ways, thus in return, he tells her that she is no better than the thieves that stand behind her. And if she is to go against him, he would kill her too.

With the infiltration route placed, the gang returns to the real world. Giving Kyoko the chance to actually properly meet everyone and telling them the story of what had happened to her father.

In a few days time, the gang decides to send a calling card to her father, leaving Kyoko in charge of making sure he sees it. When he does, heimmediately blames Kyoko for it through his drunken state, since she is a supporter of them. Feeling threatened, he becomes even more violent towards the family. Seeing nothing wrong in his ways – blaming everyone for their current position instead of himself.

Its later that evening that Kyoko regroups with the thieves, helping them take out her father’s palace. Once successful, their treasure ended up being a bible.

Mr. Sakura becomes bed ridden for the next week, as the alcohol slowly makes its way out of his body. When he comes through, he apologizes to his family for everything he’s done to them. Especially to kyoko since she got the worse of it all. And many scars that would never heal on her body from him. But, he finally had his change in heart.

As a few weeks / a month passed from the incident, Mr. Sakura finds himself in the hospital, on death row. Kyoko doesn’t blame the thieves for this. This was not their fault. This was the alcohols fault. Even the doctors had said so themselves. At the capacity that he consumed it, they were honestly surprised he wasn’t on his deathbed much sooner.

What she was thankful though, was the apologies and heartfelt “i love yous” she had gained from him before his passing. She knows she would have never gotten them if it wasn’t for the Phantom Thieves. She thanks them entirely for everything they had done for her.

With no need to keep the church any longer, her mother sells their home and  church. Deciding to move herself &. the girls out of the town, and starts over with a new life for them. The girls finally get themselves enrolled into a real school – Kyoko begging to go to shujin academy so she could be with her friends that she had finally made. Their mother gets herself a real job that’s stable enough to support them. And her sister gains friends for the first time in her life.

Due to Kyoko’s test scores, she is able to enter as a 3rd year student, but Kyoko opts to be a second year so she could have a chance at being an actual student. And have time to be a teenager and make friends and spend time with them. She becomes placed in Ryuji’s class.

** It can be speculated that Kyoko & Futaba may be cousins

[sonofhistory]

Do you have any information on the founding fathers on their deathbeds?

In chronological order:

A few days before his death, Benjamin Franklin, already on his last days began to run a temperature and felt pain in his chest from an imposture in his leg lung. His difficulty in breathing increased until he was almost suffocating. “He rose from his bed,” wrote Benjamin Rush later to Richard Price, “and begged that it be made up for him so that he might die in a descent manner. His daughter told him that she hoped he would recover and live many years longer. He calmly replied: “I hope not”. Upon being advised to change his position in bed, so that he might breath easy, he said: “A dying man can do nothing easy.” The empyema burst and breathing became almost impossible and he passed into a coma. His grandsons William Temple and Benjamin Bache watched him as he died quietly at eleven in the night of April 17th at eighty-four. (Benjamin Franklin by Karl Van Doren. 

On Thursday, December 12, 1799, George Washington was out on horseback supervising farming activities from late morning until three in the afternoon, however during this ride it began to hail and rain. The next morning brought a sore throat and Washington’s voice became increasingly more hoarse. Saturday, December 14th, he was seen by three different doctors who bled and nearly suffocated him with drinks and was bed-ridden. At five in the afternoon George Washington sat up from bed, dressed, and walked over to his chair. He returned to bed within thirty minutes and Washington said, “Doctor, I die hard; but I am not afraid to go; I believed from my first attack that I should not survive it; my breath can not last long.” Soon afterward, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service. At ten at night George Washington spoke, requesting to be “decently buried” and to “not let my body be put into the Vault in less than three days after I am dead.” His last words were “’tis well.” Between ten and eleven at night on December 14, 1799, George Washington passed away surrounded by his wife, a few friends, three housemaids and his valet Christopher Sheels. (Washington by Ron Chernow). 

After being shot in a duel with Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton was rowed across the Hudson and was preoccupied with spiritual matters. No sooner was he brought to the Bayard home, he asked to see Reverend Benjamin Moore, the rector of Trinity Church. Moore balked at giving Hamilton holy communion as he wrestled with death. Hamilton then turned to Reverend John M. Mason, pastor of the Scotch Presbyterian Church. When Mason entered the chamber he took Hamilton’s hand and the two men exchanged a “melancholy salutation”. Hamilton was unable to get it from him either. Mason tried to console Hamilton, “I perceive it to be so,” Hamilton said. “I am a sinner. I look to His mercy.” He then stressed a hatred of dueling “I used every expedient to avoid the interview, but I have found for some tie past that my life must be exposed to that man. I went to the field determined not to take his life.” He then said “My dear sir, you perceive my unfortunate situation and no doubt have been made acquainted with the circumstances which led to it. It is my desire to receive the communion at your hands. I hop you will not conceive there is any impropriety in my request.” He added, “It has been some time past been the wish of my heart and it was my intention to take an early opportunity of uniting myself to the church by the reception of that holy ordinance.” He also expressed his faith in God’s mercy. Lifting his hands, he said, “I have no ill will against Colonel Burr. I met him with a fixed resolution to do him no harm. I forgive all that happened” The next morning, Hamilton’s mind still clear but his body was motionless. Eliza allowed the children into his presence and lined them at the foot of his bed. According to the Doctor, “he opened his eyes, gave them on look, closed them again till they were taken away.” (Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow). 

A few days before Thomas Jefferson’s death, bedridden, he said goodbye to his family, addressing them each in turn. To an eight year old grandson, he smiled and said, “George does not understand what all this means.” To a great-granddaughter he quotes the Gospel of Luke: “Lord, now wettest thou thy servant depart in peace.” Thomas Jefferson Randolph, a grandson, suggested he was looking better, but Jefferson would have none of it. “Do not imagine for a moment that I feel the smallest solicitude about the result,” Jefferson said, “I am like an old watch, with a pinion worn out here, and a wheel there, until it can go no longer.” He awoke to a noice and wondered wether he had heard the name of the Reverend Frederick Hatch. No, he was told. “I have no objection to see him, as a king and good neighbor,” Jefferson said, turning over. He composed a poem for Patsy alluding to his imminent reunion with his wife and Polly. Lying in his alcove bed, Jefferson mused about the Revolution, telling stories of the great drama. “A few hours more, Doctor, and it will be all over,” he said at one point. A five forty-rive pm on July 2nd, he took laudanum in grog. He was given tea three hours later and brandy four hours after that. He slept fitfully as the clock tinged. In the evening of July 3rd at seven pm, he asked, “Ah! Doctor, are you still there?” before saying “Is it the Fourth?”. The Doctor confirmed this and Jefferson said “Oh God!” before taking more laudanum. Two hours later at nine pm, the Doctor awoke him to give him more but he said “No, Doctor, nothing more.” Three hours later he asked, “This is the Fourth?” and there was silence because it was not, he repeated the question and the man lied to him. “Ah, said Jefferson. “Just as I wished.” During one of his dreams he said “Warn the Committee to be on the alert,” and motioned in the air as if he was writing something. At ten he stirred and stared at a grandson and wanted his head elevated. His lips were then at a request wetted with a sponge. At twelve fifty on July 4th, Thomas Jefferson died with his eyes open mixed upon his alcove. (Thomas Jefferson: Art of Power by Jon Meacham).

July 3rd, 1826 John Adams was only able to utter a few words. Early morning of Tuesday, July 4th, Adams lay in bed with his eyes closed, breathing with great difficulty. Thomas Adams sent off an urgent letter to John Quincy Adams saying their father was “sinking rapidly.” Efforts were made to give Adams more comfort by changing his position and he awakened. Told that it was the fourth, he answered “It is a great day. It is a good day.” Late in the afternoon, he stirred and whispered clearly enough to be understood “Thomas Jefferson survives.” Somewhat later, struggling for breath, he whispered to his grand-daughter Susanna, “Help me, child! Help me!” then lapsed into silence. At about six twenty on July 4th, 1826, John Adams was dead. (John Adams by David McCullough). 

On the night of May 14, 1829, John Jay was stricken with palsy, probably caused by a stroke. He lived for three days, dying in Bedford, New York, on May 17. That same day, as John Jay was near his death he was asked if he had any final words for his children. He responded with four words: “They have the Book.” [x]

After his wife’s death, unable to live by himself and forced to sell all his property to pay for debts due to Congress not paying him, James Monroe lived with his daughter Maria in New York with her children and husband. After his wife’s death he also expressed that he would not live the year without her and by December, 1830 it was tough for him to leave his bed. He grew weaker, plagued by a cough. When  John Quincy Adams came to visit him in April, 1831, Monroe could not leave his room and cut his visit short. In May he wrote up his will dividing everything equally between his two daughters. In a letter to James Madison, he said his greatest regret was that they would never see each other again. That was the last letter he ever had the strength to write and did not respond to Madison’s letter back. On July 4th, 1831, surrounded by Maria’s family, he died shortly after three in the morning, fully conscious. According to sources at the scene, Monroe’s last words were, “I only regret that I should leave this world without again beholding him.” The “him” Monroe was speaking of was James Madison. (James Monroe: The Quest of Destiny by Harry Ammon).

For six months before James Madison’s death, he was “unable to walk, and spent most of his time reclining on a couch.” My mind, however, “was bright and with his numerous visitors he talked with as much animation strength of voice as I ever heard him in his best days.” May 1836 he roused from bed one final time and talked eagerly about his War of 1812 experience. A few days before his death, Madison spent his time reading Professor George Tucker’s life of Thomas Jefferson. On June 27th, he spent several hours painfully dictating thanks for the dedication of the book to him. It was suggested he take “stimulators” which would prolong his life until the 4th of July and be the last founding father and fourth to die on the famous date. The morning of June 28th, Paul Jennigs, a slave, shaved him and brought him breakfast. Nelly Willis, a niece came to visit with her uncle as he ate, when he had difficulty swallowing, Mrs. Willis asked him what the trouble war. Jennings recalled that Madison replied, “nothing more than a change of mind, my dear” and then “his head instantly dropped and he ceased breathing as quietly as the snuff of a candle goes out.” (James Madison by Ralph Ketcham).

[chrismotionless]

Official Graveyard Shift Lyrics

Rats Well Mrs. Pharmacist / I insist / fix me up with something quick I’ve been a bad little boy and I think i’m getting sick Sick to the bone / slave to the flesh Better put on my Sunday’s best       I’ve been bad little boy… little boy

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows Cause we just wanna dance under our pretty perfect halos

Everyone’s got a secret Whats yours? whats yours? Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it  

Oh Mrs. Pharmacist / if I resist / lock me up and bind my wrists You’ve been a bad little girl…. little girl.     Close your eyes and listen close I know just how much you love it If you speak you lose your turn So shut your mouth before I fuck it

Everyone’s got a secret Tell me all about yours

Love. Hate. Oh how we play the game Cold soul No sense of self control Love. Hate. Unsure to pass or play Cold soul / now  we’re out of control

Roses are red, and my heart is black We creep about the floor to indulge like Rats Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions

Well  Mrs. Pharmacist… If you insist

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows And I just wanna shake you by your little perfect fucking halo

Everyone’s got a secret Whats yours? whats yours? Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it.

Queen For Queen If you wanna soar with vultures, you’ll have to swallow bone The saint charade is over / plastic royalty exposed You wanna play the victim, to preach upon your throne                                   No semblance of virtue as your relevance erodes

We go queen for queen  and move just like this

When you fall down Will you back out As you crawl through life with no crown? Though you preach love, you package lies Just a pawn in a kings disguise

I never said I’m perfect, there’s a guilt behind these eyes So check me If it helps you fall asleep at night

Your skeletons are building / your closet’s getting tight Are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?

When you fall down Will you back out As you crawl through life with no crown? Though you preach love, you package lies Just a pawn in a kings disguise

Don’t stop breathing in the chemicals You don’t know humble… though you play the role Pockets of evergreen are your amphetamine Please stop feeding what you can’t control

YOU’LL FALL. You’ll bend, you’ll break, (you’ll) trip over your “fame” Be careful, or you’ll run your mouth off your face

Necessary Evil (Feat. Jonathan Davis) Strip off the weight of morality, and check it at the door I’ll show you the worst in me …what i’ve become   Blow out the candles I need not a wish For I am everything Now crawl to my boots and lick Kneel before me

Imma have my cake and fucking eat you too.

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to, die when I want to, die when I want to The monster you’ve made is wearing the crown I’ll be the king and you be clown I’ll take the blame (and) parade it around. You’ve made me the villain you can’t live without.

Reciting violence like poetry No you can’t sit with us Too fashionably plain   Now say my name Forget everything you think you knew of who I used to be I look much better as… as the enemy

Imma have my fucking cake and eat yours too.

I want you low I won’t let you die (I’ll) keep you alive Just to remind you of what you are not

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to you wanna see me fail, but I won’t die for you.

Soft You’re mine motherfucker

Let me begin with envy’s a sin You’ll have to find new words to invent Cause I’ve heard your broken record, and i’m not impressed

I love when you talk, I just use it to drive me I won’t let your judgement define me I’m not broken, so don’t fix me I want you to hate me

Tell me what you’ve lost Hang me on your cross If you’re so wise, then why are you so Soft? Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?               I’m above living under your microscope

I’m insane, I’m “insane in the membrane” I wanna fuck your face with a switchblade I’m not broken, so don’t fix me I’ll leave you behind me

Internet killed the video star

Cry baby cry baby, did I just hear you whimper? Cry baby cry... Suck my middle fucking finger

Cry baby / Cry baby What have you done lately? Cry baby / Cry baby   What have you done?

Tell me what you’ve lost. Demonize my flaws Do they call you when dumb needs a mascot? Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?               I’m above living under your microscope

You dilate / god of your existence Begging me to listen while you “pray” Swallow in vain / sliver spoon religion Closer from a distance

You’re mine motherfucker

Untouchable They try to bend / they try to break me by design But I am the nightmare that will haunt you in the light

If it’s war that you want… then I’m ready to play And the world’s gonna know my name

Through everywhere that I go Every failure I’ve owned Every crack in my bones I’m Untouchable Like a sleeping grenade Built to blow you away Pull the pin… I explode I’m Untouchable.

Born of the ground I dug myself out from the dirt With every scar I will avow to shake the earth

Unless it’s blood that you want.. then get the fuck out my way Cause the world’s gonna scream my name

I will never be silenced I will eclipse the pain

You can’t let it go       (It’s) the price that we pay But I own the grave from which I came You reap what you sow We don’t bleed the same   Cause I own the rights to my own fate And i’ll sleep a king on my deathbed

Through everywhere that I go Every failure i’ve owned Every crack in my bones I’m Untouchable Like a sleeping grenade Built to blow you away Pull the pin… I Explode I’m Untouchable.

Every mile from home Every failure I’ve owned Every crack in my bones I’m Untouchable Like a sleeping grenade Built to blow you away Pull the pin… I Explode I’m Untouchable.

Not My Type: Dead As Fuck 2 She’s got no soul / heart black as coal She’s from Hollywood Forever / dug her out of a hole And here we go again / spinnin me in her web She said “there’s just no rest for the queen of the dead”

Another trick to treat with candy apple dreams Gonna rot her teeth cause i’m so sweet One lick to rule them all They crumble as they crawl

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie (I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me She loves me cause I give head like a zombie (I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me And in the glow of the pale moonlight She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype   Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

She’s got a temper in stock / made of hemlock Uses absinthe as a lip gloss Death hawk / fresh New Rock’s                               She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk

She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk Plays truth or dare in the mirror Uses absinthe as a lip gloss Undead, but won’t shed a tear

She’s my graveyard baby She’s my……

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie (I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me She loves me cause I give head like a zombie (I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me And in the glow of the pale moonlight She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype   Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

D- E - A - D   If she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

The Ladder Tragedy / a poisonous lover You infiltrate to destroy Vanity / a cancer unforgiving A charlatan with poise  

Fool me once / enough is enough Was I more than a step on your way up? Hollowed out /  I’ve no semblance of love Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck.

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out. You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out There’s nothing left to repair

Ravenous / self righteous and lurid But how much more till you break? Scavenger / so fucking undeserving You slither in just to take what you can take

Counterfeit / I’m calling your bluff Was I more than just a step on your way up? Now you’ll burn and you’re flesh out of luck Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out. You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out Against insight I fed your source of revenue But now, it means nothing to me to mean anything to you

Open grave /  I was too blind to see That “love”, spelled to you, is “F A M E”

You fuck your way up the ladder Going down on your way to the top Do your arms ever tire? Or do they heal while you climb with your mouth?  

Delete Everything Sever the yearning / you can keep the fucking ring Delete Everything You can keep the fucking ring

Nothing left to repair.

Voices Voices in my head again Trapped in a war inside my own skin They’re pulling me under.

I’ve swallowed myself but the fever remains I’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain       If I showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes? If I told you the truth, would you dare me to lie?  

I keep it all inside because I know that man is every thing but kind

Voices in my head again Beating me in a war I can't win   I can hear them now Trapped in a game inside my own skin And I don't know myself anymore They're pulling me under Voices

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death I curse not the “wicked”, I praise not the “blessed” If I told you the truth, you’d beg me to change If fear were a currency, you’d own the bank

I don’t want to live so calloused and frozen / ugly and hopeless I don’t want to live forever, I just want to live right now You can’t take me from me

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind

LOUD (Fuck It) You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know Turn it up turn it up now

Another day, a double shot of hate Drink it up like gasoline Underpaid, you graduate, to build somebody else’s dream

With a noose as a tie… do you fantasize of a much different life?   The fix for who they want you to be / directly streamed to your TV

And when they turn their backs on you…

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know Turn it up turn it up now Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you You gotta stand up / You gotta commit Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

A broken home you’re trying to mend You’ve got one day left to pay the rent We’re not sure, but we believe in the lie… that it’ll all be fine, when we die

It’s so easy to grant the mirror power to control what you want to erase                       Don’t become another victim / “Put a smile on that face”

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know Turn it up turn it up now Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you You gotta stand up / You gotta commit Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure So they fuel your pain with fear and shame and then hand you a brochure The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure So they build you up to watch you fall and then beg for an encore

What are you waiting for?

570 Burn it down / brick by brick / Made in 2006 Lost and found / losing grip /  I needed this Question me not, for I gave up everything Forget me not, cause I’ve not forgotten what this means

Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one theme left No sign of stopping till my veins rust Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one thing left I fucking know where I came from

..And nothing can replace those lessons learned as I stood with my brothers on the side of the road No longer haunted by the skeletons No longer haunted by the past

For so long, it’s all i’ve known I’m crossing over the undertow For so long, no one was listening Determined to make their deaf ears ring

Miles repeat / my worst enemy... is me. But then four soon became six… to shatter the canvas Handed nothing / loss pulling the strings Outlived the dead trends / united by distance

I’ve been to hell and back, with no promise of return So I made friends with fire, to keep from getting burned No money, no sleep. dedication 10 years on the road this is sacred And when i’m facing a wall, I do not quit ...Cause if you mean it, you will make it.

Pulled apart in a world so demanding I’m still here, still standing I’ve sweat blood from Stockholm to Scranton Still here, still standing.

You can always rinse the surface, but the stain will remain

For so long, it’s all i’ve known I’m crossing over the undertow For so long no one was listening I did my time 

You live / you learn / you defy the terms, but this house will be my home Beguiled / betrayed / it’s the price we pay, as trust will be our tomb

If you mean it, you'll make it.

Hourglass I’ve watched the whole world drowning in chemicals Dissociative / but it takes it’s toll Can I surpass time, or would I start to rust? Depreciating / collecting dust

And I fear myself as I fall away   In a cold deluded sense of fate When the nightmares come, and the doubt sets in Will the fever break, or will I burn from within?  

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath With the hands of time around my neck Am I more than the pen that wrote the past? Or am I just the sand enslaved by the Hourglass?

Will I live again, or will I fade to black?     Dehumanizing / when the heart attacks       Will I expire before my dreams unfold? But if the futures so bright, the path should glow

As the walls melt and the light fades I’m letting quicksand take me

If you look beyond the blindfold You’ll find the hole in my soul One fear, one mind, no hope, no time If you look beyond the blindfold You’ll find the hole in my soul

I’m on the edge of my seat Holding out for a sign Trying to rewrite the storyline

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath With the hands of time around my neck Am I more than the pen that wrote the past Or am I just the sand encased in the Hourglass?

Fear is not my fate

Eternally Yours Blow the bridge to the past / wipe the fingerprints Melt your heart encased in wax / steal it with a kiss Our fate engraved / scar enslaved / as we mutually destruct Repose, my love, i’ve sinned enough for the both of us

In the name of love….. I’m ready to bury all of my bones I’m ready to lie but say I won’t So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces To rot in this garden made of stones Eternally yours

I feed like you taught me and selflessly swallow We coalesce in darkness, so selfishly hollow Examine the wreckage / writhing in tempo Invisible anguish casting a shadow  

and in the name of love…

I’m ready to bury all of my bones I’m ready to lie but say I won’t So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces To rot in this garden made of stones Eternally yours

As we rest in pieces, though I know not your name I would suffer forever to absolve all your pain

And in the name of love

I’m ready to bury all of my bones I’m ready to lie but say I won’t So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces To rot in this garden made of stones Eternally yours

I’m ready to bleed to make amends And sleep in this dirt we call our bed So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces To fall and rewrite the bitter end Eternally yours

I’m more than willing to rot in hell with you.

[passengerskrp-blog]

S T A T U S:  P A S S E N G E R  D I S C H A R G E D

                                       HEO JIEUN // TWENTY-EIGHT                                DAUGHTER OF HEO ENTERTAINMENT

                                      LOADING PASSENGER INFO P1941...  

– personality

She’s kind and thoughtful, always with her head in the clouds. Her feet were never on the ground, even on Earth. She thinks nothing of money, content with her own little worldly treasures – movies, books, her writing utensils (both pencil and laptop) – and so she spends it on those she comes to care for. She’s blunt, but never means to cause harm to anyone, and if she knows she’s hurt you, she’ll want to make it up to you. Don’t think of her as just some loony with her thoughts scattered far and wide, though, she’s quite smart and she’s teasing and full of mischief. Her clumsiness is quite a downfall and it’s why she was never as good at modeling as her sister, but she has a beauty about her that’s natural – not manmade by make-ups and perfumes. She is Heo Jieun, simple yet complicated.

– bio (trigger warning: car crash ; death/mercy death ; illness)

i. somniate [to dream]

Late February brings a light in the form of two cherub-faced baby girls, both with full heads of hair and powerful lungs. Jieun and Jihye grow up side by side, never leaving one another for anything other than asked for personal space – and even then it’s rare. Their mother and father love them both and dote on them and they take them to beautiful cities, places most would only dream of going. Jieun develops a love of fantasy, things people can only describe on paper, with a pen, or typed on a computer while Jihye gets lost in the stars.

Together, they imagine whole scenarios and stories – of people they know, people they want to meet, people they know could never exist. Their parents let them have that, let them enjoy their time as children – playing and laughing, throwing the occasional tantrum when they don’t get their way. And they’re so in-sync, just as some twins are.

Their childhood is full of love, and laughter, and dreams never-ending.

ii. traümerei [daydreaming]

All dreams must end, however, and by the time they’re ten, their father has them in the limelight. They become their parents’ label’s first children models. First it’s school uniforms, then it’s pillows and pajamas. At some point, singing is added and they’re learning music. The cameras never stop, but neither does Jieun and Jihye’s love of fantasy. They still love their parents and do what their father and mother ask of them – after all, isn’t it a dream to appear on television and in magazines? Most little girls don’t get that.

At fifteen, their lives are already too much for them. They’re talked about constantly, they’re harassed for autographs, and pushed and shoved for attention. They never let go of each other’s hands, and they let their parents handle the media. Charges are filed, and they continue on.

Jieun is more adept at singing than modeling (even though she’d rather be writing), and so they’re split sometimes and Jieun will sing while Jihye watches her, cheering her on happily. But Jieun sees the sadness in Jihye’s eyes – everyone talks and what they say is harsh.

          (Not good enough, no talent, just use her face and nothing more.)

And Jieun holds her sister at night when she cries and cries, the sun rising up on them and then they’re at it again. Jieun copes by writing her stories, sometimes getting them published – sometimes her stories are just for her and her sister.

Jieun doesn’t allow them to use her name on the soundtracks ever – she always signs Jihye’s name then. She gives her sister the credit for her voice, and she lets her sister be praised at galas and parties their parents take them to. Jieun’s father isn’t happy, but he doesn’t press the issue after Jieun threatens to stop singing altogether.

Eighteen comes and both sisters decide to travel together, with their parents’ permission, and they head to an unpronounceable place and get lost in the culture and the city for two weeks. They experience a life they’d only dreamed of – total freedom. They love their parents, but they can’t say no to them. Jieun can’t anyways, and Jihye doesn’t leave her sister ever.

When they return, they go back to their modeling and singing, keeping their parents’ happy, but always dreaming together. Their getaways become annual, and then it’s twice a year they disappear for a few weeks at a time. Always, always, together.

iii. oneirodynia [nightmare]

Just like dreams, a sense of ‘always’ and ‘togetherness’ has to draw to a close.

It starts slowly – Jihye unable to keep up with photo shoots, unable to rest. She’s not eating right and weight drops right off of her. Everyone thinks it’s depression, but they don’t see that she’s trying. Jieun does. She knows her sister as well as she knows herself, and they go together to the doctor. Examination, after examination, nothing is found, but Jieun pushes – begging and pleading with them to make her sister better.

Two weeks after their twenty-fifth birthday, Jihye gets a call. Jieun eavesdrops, holds her sister’s hand as the doctors tell her there’s something wrong. Something inside of her, and neither of them can pronounce it and they don’t care to. Jihye is sick with a disease – one that should’ve been caught at birth, but wasn’t. They’re both scared.

With no cure and few treatments, Jihye’s on her deathbed at twenty-six, hooked up to machines to help her in breathing and eating. And Jieun mourns for her sister, lies in bed with her to keep her company. Together, in those last few days, they watch the news and Jieun offers Jihye the ideas of them leaving together on Avalon, sleeping for two hundred years together and waking to medical knowledge that could save her.

Jihye knows she won’t make it. But Jieun still could, so when Jieun slips out to get something to eat, Jihye records a message on her phone, and programs her personal android to pull her life support plug for her.

When Jieun returns, her sister is gone. She doesn’t fight it, she doesn’t ask for her sister to be brought back because he knows she suffered in the last few months. Jieun suffers most afterwards, no more singing, no more modeling. She doesn’t come out of her and her sister’s shared room unless it’s a necessity.

iv. oneirocosm [a dream place]

On the morning that should be Jieun and Jihye’s bi-annual trip, Jieun slips out of bed, gets dressed, and heads out. Recklessly, she hasn’t eaten much in days, and she’s weak, too tired to be behind the wheel of a car. She crashes just two miles from her parents’ mansion and is rushed to the hospital in critical condition.

A punctured lung and fractured face are easily fixed, though there are scars. Her parents want them fixed, but Jieun doesn’t. She opts to keep her scars, to let them heal naturally and if they’re still visible years later, then that will be a story to tell the people she loves. She wears them with pride, even when people no longer compliment her on her beauty.

Like this, two years slip by; Jieun copes without her sister, she stops modeling, and she doesn’t sing anymore because her sister isn’t around to take the credit and receive all the love she deserves. She presses her nose into her laptop and she writes – sometimes about her sister, sometimes about worlds upon worlds that people could only ever dream of. In them, her characters experience tragedy, but they get through it – they live, and are happy. There’s the occasional bittersweet ending – Jihye would like them, she was the more realistic of them. Jieun dedicates those to her sister.

Just weeks before Avalon is set to launch, Jieun convinces her parents to let her go. She knows she’s their only child now, but she has dreams to achieve, and her feet have never been planted firmly in one place – certainly not the ground. Her head is far above the clouds, wishing to touch the stars. Jihye would’ve wanted it.

They buy her a Platinum class ticket and spend the next few weeks with her, spending time together as a family, and setting up accounts for her for when she arrives on Homestead II.

And then, they say goodbye and ‘I love you’ for the last time as she exits the car.

v. euneirophrenia [peaceful state of mind following a pleasant dream]

There’s dreams, so many endless dreams, and none of them she remembers when she’s awoken. Bright lights that flicker are what greets her, but she exits her chamber, struggling to stand properly and nausea swimming in her stomach, head clouded from her slumber. Had two hundred years passed? No. They had not – she hears ‘malfunction’, but there’s nothing visibly wrong that she can see.

They’re up too early, and Jieun finds herself not minding it one bit. An adventure, and the perfect idea for another story.

[sserpente]

Condolescence (Chapter XI)

Pairing: Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive) x OFC Language: English Rating: M

Read it on AO3!

The sun was setting by the time Tal finally came to a halt, allowing herself to catch her breath on a wooden bench in an abandoned park. It was late already, according to her mobile phone, whose battery was almost empty now, about five pm.

She had been walking restlessly through the city for hours then, all alone and without a destination, circling the same spots over and over again but always staying close to the bus stop she had used when leaving Adam’s house for the first time.

Up until this time, the warm sunbeams had been the only thing separating her from his clutches, her one ally and protection and now, it mockingly bailed on her, hiding behind the horizon and creating space for a pale moon and billions of shining stars dotting the nightly sky.

For just a brief moment, fear flooded her body, making her tremble despite the warm clothes she was wearing. What if he was searching for her? What if Adam intended to end what he had started? She knew his secret now, what if he went after her and… killed her?

But… no. This was absurd. Adam hadn’t hurt her thus far and despite everything that had happened today, there was no way he would cause her any harm, not like this… right? She desperately hoped her thoughts true. Maybe he had indeed wanted to be helpful and nice. Maybe… it was why he had been so distant this whole time… because he had fought with himself not to kill her and she… she had just run off and away from him, calling him names. It was her own fear that had scared her away, she realised, not Adam’s eerie secret.

Where was she supposed to go anyway? For all she knew, she could find herself a cosy bus stop bench or a dry spot under a bridge to sleep on. She could beg for some money to have dinner and become a derelict. Or perhaps she could go back and apologise? Promise she wouldn’t ever tell about his true heritage?

The pain in Adam’s blue eyes had been tangible. Not the physical pain the sun had elicited, no. Knowing that he had disappointed her, lied to her and scared her even had felt like thousands of glowing needles piercing her heart. She had felt it like it was her own pain. And yet she had left.

The vampire had been on her mind for hours now. It was like he was calling her name in the dark, luring her back into his arms. Yearning made her heart clench. What was this? Love? Affection? Leaving had been a mistake.

“Adam…”

He should be searching for her. Right now, in this very moment, he should be out there, going after her, ensuring nothing had happened to her. But he was trapped inside; trapped inside this goddamn house to hide from a deadly star causing him to curse his immortal existence. He couldn’t possibly sleep now.

Adam was going to apologise if he ever got the opportunity again. He would apologise for keeping from her what he really was, beg for mercy, beg for another chance. He was a vampire. Mighty, strong, old and wise and yet, she held the upper hand. Tal had wrapped him around her finger without even knowing, had made him drop to his knees willingly.

Right now, he should rather be worried to be exposed. Tal knew about him and if she told anyone, the zombies would come knocking on his door, attempting to force him into a lab, a zoo or on a deathbed. Humans always attacked when they were scared, regardless of the consequences. A blood bath would be the result, with him feasting on each and every one of them, contaminating himself in the process. Perhaps then he could finally die and find peace, join Eve wherever in this endless universe she was at.

But—and this was what scared him the most—he didn’t care. He needed to make sure Tallulah was well, all because he had allowed himself to feel, because he had accepted falling in love. Eve would have shaken her head at him, arms akimbo.

Fight for what you hold dear, my love, she would have said, stroking his cheek in the process. As for now, however, he was helpless. Until it was dark outside—and there were yet several hours to pass until the sun would set—he was all but defenceless. Useless.

Clenching his fists in anger, his knuckles harshly connected with the stone wall in the hallway, ripping a hole into it. Now he would have to get that fixed but then again, there was way too much broken in this house already anyway.

Tal had liked it nevertheless. There. There she was again. She kept torturing his mind, not leaving his tormented thoughts for even a second.

Wondering whether he’d ever see her again, he sank to the floor, his eyes closed. Detroit wasn’t that big. As soon as it was dark outside, he would get his car. He would find her. He needed to.

“Tal…”

For several seconds, she just stood there. Unsure of whether she should ring the doorbell and freezing from the cold temperatures, she simply frowned, staring at the dark wood right in front of her.

The sun was almost gone now, covering the house in dark shadows—it had taken her a full hour to come back and it was surprising, really. She had found his house without getting lost, though it had been like a supernatural energy pulling her towards him. Like magnets. Like Einstein’s spooky action at a distance, an entwined particle which, if one was moved away from the other, the other would be identically and equally affected.

Maybe they belonged together in the end. Maybe just neither of them knew yet.

Finally, Tal took a deep breath. She swallowed thickly before she pressed her finger against the rusty door bell.

It took a while until something stirred inside the house. Lights in the hallway were being turned on, muffled steps were audible and then, hesitantly but determined, the two heavy doors opened.

Adam said nothing when he spotted Tal right before him, nor did she. They only stood there for a while, listening to each other’s breath and then, when tears were forming in her beautiful beige eyes, the vampire reached forward, pulling her into a tight hug and burying his face in the brunette curtain of her long hair.

He felt no desire to drink from her, not right now. The relief that the sorrow, electrifying his body and burning him from the inside out had finally vanished, was way greater. Sighing, he pressed her even closer, taking a few steps back to close the door, with Tal’s arms still frantically wrapped around him.

“I was so worried,” he murmured quietly, closing his eyes as if to make sure she was real, that she had really come back to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It was all she kept saying for a while, her high voice barely audible. Adam frowned, pushing her away an arm-length to look her in the eye.

“You are sorry? I told you I’m a… and you’re sorry?”

“I should have let you explain! I didn’t listen, I just ran away,” she was interrupted by a dry sob. Anew, salty tears formed in her eyes, running down her cheeks and worsening her sight until Adam was nothing more than a black spot before her. Quickly, she blinked.

“…and I was scared. I really was. I thought you to be a seductive monster and I’m ashamed now for thinking this way. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t even talk to anyone, I swear.”

Taken aback, Adam’s lips parted. His cool hands slid down her arms to reach for her hands as he led her upstairs, placing her on his couch. How many shared moments, good and bad ones, had already passed on this very piece of furniture?

“Your reaction was absolutely normal. I don’t blame you, though I wish you had found out differently.” He finally spoke up. He rested his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward to study her. She looked fine, as far as he could tell. No scratches, no bruises.

“I wanted to tell you. Eventually. Maybe one day but zombies…” He closed his eyes, correcting himself “…humans tend to… you know the stories.”

“I still can’t quite believe vampires are real.” Tal whispered, her eyes fixating something invisible on the carpeted floor.

She will leave you, a reproachful voice in his head soothed. You can’t possibly expect her to stay with a bloodthirsty monster like you.

“I can understand if you want to leave. I can get you a new apartment and provide you with enough money until you’ve found a new job. And a car. You’ll need a car, travelling by bus isn’t safe, I will—“

“Adam!”

Pausing, he looked up.

“I didn’t come back for your money. In fact, I won’t allow you to give me any more.”

Frowning, he swallowed. “Then why did you come back?”

Tal silenced. Yes, why had she come back? Truth was, she didn’t really know. Neither, though, did he. She had wanted to apologise, yes but now?

“I-I don’t know, I want to try and… I… oh, I don’t know. All my life I’ve been so naïve and ignorant. It’s why I snapped in the first place, old habits die hard. But… Adam, I don’t know what this is but I like you. When we kissed… I felt something I had never felt before. Like… like I finally belonged somewhere… like I belonged to you. Is that even possible? A human falling in love with a vampire?” She snorted, shaking her head at her own words. “I feel like I’m in a really bad dark romance movie.”

“I felt it too,” It was Tal who looked up this time, searching his blue gaze as if to assure herself. “I felt it when we first met. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my fucking head. I felt the urge to protect you even if I shouldn’t give a fuck. And then I asked myself if I could actually love again. A zombie…” Her innocent look was questioning for a second. „It’s what I call humans,“  he finally explained.

Is that really what it was? Were they in love? Tal held her breath, biting her lower lip as she allowed his quiet words to sink in.

“Now what do we do?” She asked, a painful expression on her beautiful face.

Adam took a deep breath, bracing himself for his answer. “We try.”

➡️ Find all chapters on my masterlist!

[i-constantly-want-to-scream-blog]

Kasey

Kasey was born in a calm family, or at least it was for the first few years of her life. That ended when her mother left with a smile on her face and a hatred to Kasey's father. Last she had heard of her she was a crack whore on the streets, every night was a new party, more drugs, probably ending up with her in a laundromat in a complete alcohol induced blackout. She didn’t understand at first, than she cried. She blamed herself for her mother's abandonment, even though the voices told her it wasn't her fault. It was all apart of the plan. The voices had always been there, they were the only ones that helped her, that cared. They The sadness became resentment and anger towards her mother when she was eight. The voices encouraged her, they told her stories about how they would make sure that her mother and people like her would pay, regret all of their sins. They would feel everything that she had felt. When Kasey's Dad began to abuse her at age nine, the voices became shadows. They made her feel better, told her stories about the great things she could do, how she could help all children like her. She dreamt about having power over the adults, being able to hurt them, make them feel all of the pain she had felt She had friends once, she tried to tell them about the voices and when she did they didn't believe her. They laughed and taunted her about having imaginary friends. From then on her only friends were the shadows, they warned her that all of the other kids would only try and hurt her. That everyone would. All because they couldn't understand how she felt, she was above them all. They only wanted to hurt her because they didn't know what she was. She dreamed of the kids at school that laughed when she fell to her knees in the hallway, crying on their knees in front of her in her own home. That the children who taunted her wouldn't be able to make a single sound as she ripped out their throats with her bare hands. That the teachers that treated her as weak and stupid would beg for her forgiveness while she put them on their deathbeds. She always asked the shadows when she would gain this power, they always told her that when the end comes, it will just be the beginning.she never knew what that meant exactly, but she knew that all she had to do was follow with the shadows and let them guide her and she would gain unimaginable power. She kept her nails cut into small spikes, her naturally blonde hair was always dyed black. When Kasey turned 10 years old, the shadows gave her a gift. She woke up wearing a locket around her neck. It was a shape of a book, and in it held a blade. It about the size of a fifty cent piece and the blade itself was just a bit bigger than what you may find in a pencil sharpener. The shadows told her to never take it off, and never discard the blade, so she never did. At school, the bullying had begun to worsen, when she was 14 the taunting grew and Kasey was absolutely tired of it. She asked the voices for help, encouragement but they only responded with "Soon." Soon. Soon. Soon for what? Kasey was tired of waiting for answers. "Soon" was being replayed in her head, over and over one morning, faintly, just above a whisper. They had kept her up all night, she was so tired when she arrived at school. It was in her fifth period when she had a dream, "Soon!" multiple voices whispered over and over. She was surrounded by darkness. "Soon, Soon, Soon. SOON!" a final voice yelled out waking her. She jolted silently and looked all around the room, hoping to see a glimpse of one of the shadows. They usually formed in corners to stay hidden, but she could tell the difference between them and a normal shadow. She sighed and looked down at her diary to see the same word written on every single line, multiple times. Soon. It made her so livid, she cried out "WHAT IS SOON?" She flipped the pages of the journal trying to see more writing, something, anything. She needed answers. She was broke out of her search when the teacher grabbed the diary out of her hands. "Why are you interrupting class?" she asked and began to flip through the pages of her diary. She stopped flipping through when she got to one of many of Kasey's drawings, a very realistic depiction of a woman in a ditch, stabbing a knife into her own stomach. The caption reading: "When you left you only hurt yourself." She stared at the drawing than looked at Kasey who only smiled and said in an apathetic tone "You only hurt yourself." She nearly threw the book at Kasey and went back to teaching. The bell rang shortly after the incident calling for lunch. Kasey went directly to the cafeteria, not bothering to stop at her locker for her lunch. She went where she always sat in the very back of the lunch table, but today was different. Two girls were sitting there, she noted them from her English class, laughing at something the other had just said. Unwilling to give up her spot, she simply took a seat on the other side of her table and began to slowly examine her diary again. "Whatcha lookin at?" On girl asked. Kasey didn't bother to stop looking up at her notes drawings to respond "Personal" her searching had also come up to and end when the book was suddenly pulled away from her. She stood immediately to grab it but it was already in the complete grasp of someone else. She growled and glared at the two girls. "Give it back!" She demanded as the girls wide-eyed flipped through the journal. Kasey smiled at the looks of horror that masked the other girls face as the saw more and more of her detailed pages. "What the fuck is wrong with you... you freak!" One of the girls shrieked and threw the book down at the table directly into a bowl of soup. Kasey's smile faded into a grimace as she slowly walked around to the front of the table. "It has begun." She heard one of the voices say, she glanced into a corner and saw them, the shadows. "You just threw my book into soup." She said in a monotone voice. She clenched and unclenched her fingers as she turned the corner of the table. One of the girls began to back away out of fear, but the other stood confident and completely unfazed. "Yea, what are you going to do about it fre-" she was cut off by Kasey grabbing her throat. She swung wildly at Kasey, kicking and slapping at her trying desperately to get away from her grip but Kasey stayed relaxed and unfazed. She noted the crowd cheering on whichever girl they wanted, not letting any administration get past. She pushed her sharpened nails into the girl's throat and smiled when she saw the blood begin to dribble from her throat. She yanked her hand away from the other girl's throat leaving long scratches along the girl's throat and neck The girl fell and gripped her own throat. The girl gasped as blood trickled down her throat and chest. When the girl was trying to stand again Kasey dropped to her knees, both slamming into her chest causing the breath to rush from the girl. The children around the fight took note of the blood drawing from the girl and had begun to back away in fear. Knowing it would only be seconds before administration would break through the crowd of students, Kasey began to worry and question herself with what to do when an answer came to her. "The locket" The shadows reminded her of what was in it. She smiled and used one hand to open the locket, the girl gasped for air and tried to pull herself away, but it was too late for her. Kasey took out the blade she had kept in there for all of those years and pushed it against the girl's throat. "You only hurt yourself." Kasey said as she ripped the blade across her throat. Blood poured and spewed from the opening and the girl began to shake. Kasey stood quickly while teachers surrounded her and the other girl as she died. "When the end comes, it will just be the beginning." and she finally understood it. She knew what she had to do. "IT IS NOW!" She screamed, and pushed the blade into her own throat, she felt the blood of the other girl on the blade and her fingers, she laughed maliciously as the pushed it in. It didn't hurt, she felt no pain. She loved the taste of the blood as it gurgled from her throat while she laughed, and laughed. She fell rather quickly due to loss of blood. Her heart tried to pump blood that wasn't there while she laughed, and laughed, and laughed. --- She woke up in her bedroom, in a small panic she began to feel around her neck, the locket was still there. She got up very stumbly and made her way to her small half bathroom. She screamed when she saw her own reflection. She was dead. Her throat was slit. She was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead! "Hush. It was all a part of the plan..." The shadows said. She watched what was happening behind her in the mirror as they shadows slowly began to appear, a black mass so dark it seems as though someone was photoshopping her surroundings. Suddenly they lurched forward, she felt a horrible burning sensation in between her shoulder blades. She looked up and screamed out as she felt pain ripping through her. She was pushed to the vanity and froze. The pain moved throughout her, yet it started to fade. The color in her eyes was darkening to black as tendrils of the same color began to stream from her eyes and the slash Kasey had made in her throat. And for one of the first times in her life, she felt truly powerful. She smiled at her reflection, her skin was deathly white, and the black in her eyes, her nails, the slash in her throat, and the trails that streamed from her neck and face were all black. She looked so terrifying it looked edited. She loved the way just her appearance would strike fear in the souls of everyone she was targeting for. She opened the locked and pulled out the blade that was held in it. As she walked confidently out of the bathroom she spun it between her fingers, but it wasn't like she would need it. Since she died, all of her nails were sharper than any blade. She stepped out of her room into the living room, she immediately knew who her first target would be. "Oh, hello Daddy." She said sweetly. She stopped spinning the small blade when he noticed her. "Kasey..." He trailed off, a look of terror crossed his face. He stepped back and dropped his whiskey glass, it shattered at his feet while he barely avoided the glass he backed himself into the corner. "Don't call me that," Kasey demanded. "I am not that weak little girl, I'm.." Kasey trailed off. "I'm Shadow." "Quit playing around Kasey, take off that damn make up. Why aren't you in school?" He questioned, stepping from the wall. Kasey jerked forward five feet, faster than the blink of an eye. Her father jumped back and slammed himself against the wall. "What the fuck are you." She blinked forwards again, close enough so he could hear her whisper. "I am your worst damn nightmare, Daddy." She shot her arm out at lightning speed, within seconds her father was lying on the floor, gasping for breath that will never come while blood came out of his mouth, nose, and the slash coming from his throat. "You don't like it when the tables turn, do you daddy?" she said. As the light left his eyes, he stopped moving and struggling. No sound came out, he was dead. And so was Kasey. She looked up at one of the cameras her father put up in the room and said, "You only hurt yourself." It's Shadow's time now.