#she hates everyone in my middle school
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The first character I ever made, Ikara: Look around, look around, look at where she is, look at where they started. The fact that it's alive is a miracle. Just help her stay alive, that would be enough.
My Middle School: FUCK NO. (PROCEEDS TO GIVE ME CRAZY AMOUNTS OF TRAUMA AND ANXIETY)
16 MONTHS LATER
Ikara: (Has a whole hitlist for the sake of having one)
The rest of my characters and me: (Very concerned about her sanity)
Ikara, just showing me the hitlist as I grow more and more concerned:
#my imagination#my oc shit#my oc stuff#memes#dark humor#she hates everyone in my middle school#hamilton references#just a reminder that i'm a she/they/it enby#enby#fanfic author problems#trust issues#trauma#so glad i never have to go back#john mulaney
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Vanessa didn't even die and yet her story is still sadder and more fucked up than jtodd's. He wishes he was on her level
#may be a controversial one but i dont care this is my house#dont think there are enough of you to get hate over this anything#anyways no she didnt die. she wasnt killed by voter poll. but like the stuff that fucked her up was so much more real than a psycho clown#like im sorry but what is “you get beat up and die” to essentially getting taken and having the bad guys confirm to you that everything you#thought about yourself in middle school was true and everyone thinks youre ugly and worthless and not special and no one loves you. and then#ofc the medical torture. like im sorry but one of these things IS worse than the other imo#especially as the teen girl in the wonder woman comic like jesus christ#and while of COURSE the stuff about diana not loving her and all that is NOT true its something we see her struggle with as insecurity for#years beforehand. and then dc goes and brings her back into continuity in the past few years only to basically say “yeah wonder woman DIDNT#care about her! what a loser to think so and get all worked up about it! abt a vers of her who only has the name in common#like she wasnt dianas baby freaking sister with 100+ appearances#blah#vanessa kapatelis#anti jason todd#she also literally did the red hood arc before he did#with the whole attacking the successor and everything#yet another woman for him to steal from lmao#(this is mostly a joke. i dont think anyone making anything about jtodd canon or otherwise even knows what a wonder woman comic is but the#comparisons are still there.)
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okay so this is super self indulgent but preface for those who arent aware i have this whole full world for my ocs & basically its like a 50/50 chance for any given person to have psychic powers called abilities & this ability is entirely dependent on the person themself & has nothing to do with genetics. ur either born with them or u can get them if ur from a different world & are isekai'd in. the only real thing about abilities is it has to be something a person can do with their mind/state of mind & isnt just like some super power like super strength.
anyway i realized this week i feel like i know the isotopes well enough so i ended up spending a lot of time thinking of what abilities they would have and i give u all my final decisions!!!
Kafu: she has something im going to call window creation. basically the ability to call forth 'windows' which ranges from just invisible walls in the air to creating a pane that lets her (or anyone near by to see it) see into a different place, time, or both. these are in effect solid walls/windows so its theoretically possible to use them as a weapon but given how kafu is i doubt she would think that way & instead would take a more defensive route, using them as a sort of force field or to get info the group otherwise wouldn't know
Sekai: i'm calling hers shadow manipulation. she can take control of shadows in the area and turn them into a semi-physical thing & from there pretty much becomes a distance attacker or defender depending on both her mood & what's necessary. i would like to think she also keeps a little shadow as a pet & it just follows her around or sits on her shoulder. the shadows can change shape btw
Rime: pyromancy. she gets to create & control fire at will. i like to think she puts too much pressure on herself to learn it & ends up unable to do it at first because of that but the second she lets herself breathe she finally gets it & from there puts in so much practice that her style with it ends up absolutely beautiful to watch. default flame color is red bc thats her color but it changes color/temperature with her emotions. u threaten one of the others and watch how fast it ends up blue-white.
Coko: fox. by shifting her mental state she can transform into a fox & while in that form can do things like create wil o wisp/fox fire & force fields, but mostly i think she'd specialize in creating illusions. she probably actually has multiple tails in that form but after drawing the rest of her outfit i thought one was enough to get the idea across. yes this is the third time im giving a chara this ability its bc im not allergic to fun normally people cant talk in the fox form but i like her so i guess she gets a little telepathy as a treat too.
Haru: consciousness walking. that is, she can separate her consciousness from her physical body & move around almost like a ghost. she can interact with the physical world on a minimal level in this state, but more importantly it allows her to see & interact with other people's consciousnesses in a way that's very easy to mess with their perception of the world & throw off their judgment & things like that. kind of like astral projection but not really, also if she gets really skilled with it she'd be able to move both her physical & spiritual forms at once although that is very tiring
#akire draws sometimes#this is purely to entertain myself i have no real plans to do anything with this#will i write fanfic will i draw it more whos to say i dont know yet only time will tell#on one hand i hate how simple rimes feels compared to everyone elses on the other i just know it suits her#sekai gave me so much trouble bc i was like. whats terrifying but not too extreme. i think this hits what i wanted#bc like. its only as scary as she wants it to be really. but it has The Potential#also fun fact for those who care: haru's is the same as what the human communication trio has at least in part#it was either that or possession for her but thats a special one to me im reluctant to give it to charas#i cant explain kafus it just feels right to me. shes a helper not a hurter.#sorry i never outgrew my middle school edgy power with pretentious name phase do u still think im cool
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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honestly the main reason i hate watching soccer is bc i keep getting flashbacks to having to play teamsports in school
#if you were always the worst player on any team of any sports raise your hand 🙋#for a few years there was another girl in my sports class who was just as bad as me and we bonded over hating sports and being bad at it <3#but then she left the school 😭 Lea if you're reading this I miss talking about how much sport sucks with you#doddie redet#I wasn't always voted last tho! sometimes when friends voted I was somewhere in the middle#or some people voted me first as a joke and everyone laughed <3
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the idea that teachers would make new transfer students stand up and like introduce themselves or whatever is soo fake bc i had a friend who transfered mid semester into my school and specifically one of my classes and not only did the teacher not force her to introduce herself but i didnt even know she transferred at all for like a good couple months of our friendship
#i also didnt know her name bc she kind of just appeared#but i wasnt the most observant in high school mostly bc i didnt care#and i was kind of dragged into a well established friend group so i was just like yeah ok i guess we're friends#i was too embarrassed to ask what her name was#tbh at this point i couldnt tell you if anyone actually told me her name like explicitly#her name was mentioned many times in front of me of course but like. i need to consciously be aware to remember something#and a name drop in the middle of a group convo is not a time my for my brain to get out of autopilot mode#i mean i also dont remmebe much of high school either#hilariously enough the most i remember abt highschool is incidents ive had with teachers#shout out to my one teacher that gave me a zero in a lab report bc i 'plagiarized' it#cuz no eleventh grader can write that advanced#and i was like ive literally written like that all my life you can literally check my essays for english class#why would i plagiarize this#and then when she was like fine ill believe you for now (bitch??) and gave me a B on it anyways#i hated her#ohhh and my chem teacher#she was so rancid i hated her so much#ooh who else did i hate......MY SPANISH TEACHER#i will never forgive her for giving me a D in spanish. bitch im a native speaker#and then had the audacity to ask me why i wasnt aware of homework and i was like cuz you never post it online AND im not the only one who fo#forgets why arent you bitching at everyone else#i swear i hated someone else who was it........#i had a geudge against the new peincipal and his horrendous graduation plans but it ended up not mattering anyways cuz of covid#drivethru graduation lmao ✌️#michi tag#not to talk abt highschool again LMAO
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what's ur fave one direction album.. cant believe we've never discussed this before
FOUR !!!! not a single skip 🫡 something about 2014 albums hits like crack
#perfect is my favourite song of theirs ofc i'm predictable enough#yk what the only reason i became a fan was bc i felt like i had to choose a side between them and jb back in middle school#and my bsf back then was absolutely obsessed with jb so i was like alright let me get into this band#and theirs was the first album i ever bought#anyway my favourite was zayn#pretty sure i had a crush on liam which is embarrassing considering he literally turned out to be the worst#anyway i literally remember buying teen gossip magazines every month and taping everyone and their mother's posters on the walls#i also remember when harry started dating taylor and not knowing or caring who she was#i couldn't understand the hate even at my baby age#but also at the time i was obsessed with i knew you were trouble bc it was on the radio all the time#but i didn't know about shazam or anything lol#so i didn't know that was the same person#fast forward couple years later i'm obsessed with shake it off and the mv#and i look her up on youtube and realize it's been the same girl all along 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯#by that time i was not really interested in 1D#and the rest is history#sorry for the literal essay 😁#now YOU#loz 💌
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im gonna meet my new roommate this weekend........i hope that they r normal
(ramble in the tags)
#for context last yr (or this yr . but last school yr) i had the most insane roommate#she was like an insane clean freak and she was also really loud and kept moving my stuff and I SUSPECT she even stole smth but idk#she also lied to me a lot and attempted to gaslight me to turn me on our other housemates . she made me cry multiple times </3#i lived in an apt of 5 ppl and everyone all hated her but i shared a room with her. and the thing is that they all liked Me but not Her#so whenever there were arguments id end up having to be the middle ground like even when i went home for summer vacation#i was called over on the phone to solve household disputes bc yknow she only listened to me and i was the only person capable of not-#-like blowing up on her bc she'd say some pretty unreasonable things sometimes and my other housemates r all pretty hotheaded#(my roomie included) but i . i do not get angry like ever so im able to calmly deal with things#when i tell you i do not get angry ever im so srs i know i say shit on here but my housemates have never seen me angry even once in 2 yrs#but anyways sometimes my housemates take me out for drinks and theyre like are u sure ur okay lan how do u live with her 💀💀#anyways yeah last yr was a shitshow i hope my roommate this yr is normal like just the bare minimum is fine#ive only ever had insane roommates like my first roommate was a party animal and shed come home drunk at like 4 am#there was even a pregnancy scare once but anyways at least i got along with her rly well#i miss her actually :(((#my second roommate tho. she scares me
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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My heart is beating so hard I’m so pissed about Everything rn
#you see there was really no one my age in our neighborhood#There were kids slightly older than me or slightly younger than me#And for some reason a lot of teen girls and little boys#so my siblings both got on fine. Her with the slightly older kids him with the boys#and I was just kind of stuck in the middle#always#now. I am a middle child. My whole deal is being stuck in the middle#so I was used to it#But like it does suck#I never really had any friends except this one boy that everyone accused me of being in love with#and like he’s a good kid but we never shared any interests so it was hard to hang out past kindergarten#(Yes we were already accused of being bf/gf at 3 years old yes that’s fucked up and I hated it with my entire being)#so I didn’t have friends save for him in school#I didn’t get along very well with my sister because she was very very bossy when playing so I had to do exactly what she said#(or get yelled at)#I had the choice between hanging out with like. Girl that only lives here every second weekend. Snippy girl that was chronically ill.#older girl that’s okay and friends with older girl that hates my guts#The Twins™️ (their mom didn’t like me and their dad made me deeply uncomfortable. He turned out to be physically abusive.)#and those two neighbours#which you guessed it lead to the aforementioned teaming up and me being stuck with the kid my mom now thinks is like my best friend or smt#so I had the choice between that or my mom inviting people I didn’t know that I didn’t want to play with or playing alone#and that’s just how I lived until I was ten#which is when we moved and I started secondary and OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE FRIENDS?? WHO COULDVE GUESSED#og
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i understand the point people are making with those posts but it's always a bit funny to me when i see those posts about like "god people are so weird with how they talk about Japanese/Korean culture, imagine we do the same thing with Germany and suddenly start to drop German words into our sentences like that that'd be so weird" and it's like, yeah, i can imagine that, very well, that's what living in Europe in the late 2000s during the Tokio Hotel mania was like.
Like, unironically exactly like that.
I get the original point, i really do, but this might be the wrong example.
#like. idk man.#just before it was Italian music. So much so people kept dropping Italian words in sentences around me#and finding it dope i had an Italian name. Then the fad faded away.#but i vividly remember the 00s like are you kidding me#the fact my middle school was overwhelmed by the amount of people who picked learning German that one year#literally everyone around me speaking broken German#like this was the period i was getting into Japanese music and /i/ was the weird one because everyone was in full Germany mania#i also have the same reaction to like.... post that try to make fun of people who like#go to Japan and do those trip videos where they keep dropping Japanese words and mention how random things look so ~exotic~#and they go 'imagine people do the same with America'#and i'm. they do. They really do. My sister had an American themed room with a big American flag in it. and she pulled those things too.#also have you seen how anyone who don't hate France talk about Paris.#of course the fetishization of Asian countries is a super important topic to be aware of#especially with the lenses of orientalism and the colonisation and stuff#but sometimes the specific things people call out are just.... things people do when they get a little too excited#and it's important to know where the limit is. it's just. noteworthy that a lot of it is just similar to others more general stuff#ichatalks
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actually went really well with my friend :))
#We Fr just painted each others nails n talked#also shared music n she’s so real#she’s like yeah I know it’s kinda cringe but I like emo n mcr is my fav band#n I was like actually I love them n u have amazing music taste#also she posted pics of us on her insta when we saw the fnaf movie last week n there were multiple ppl I used to be friends w asking abt me#Like one guy who was one of my best friends#n my bestie commented on it I forgot what but it was nice#Almost makes me sad I can’t have an insta#like ppl remember me n miss me ???#bffr I feel like everyone hated me in middle school#But ppl actually remember me positively n want to talk to me ??🥹#n then I remember I’m a crazy mentally I’ll bitch that can’t regulate emotions n I know most ppl wouldn’t be able to deal with me anymore#but like I have so many things wrong with me I can’t function consistently#Like I’m constantly anxious n have depression#I have an ed n a self harm addiction#for fucks sake I’ve tried to kill myself#wow now I’m spiraling#Lmao that was just a lot for me#screaming
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I'm like. actively being abused at home. What do I even do about that.
#://#Today she said I am disgusting and unapproachable and will never have friends or find love because I make everyone I meet uncomfortable#Because I don't shave my legs#When I told her I keep blacking out from my chronic pain she said 'that's a little dramatic'#When I told her I should probably go to the hospital for that she shushed me because she was trying to watch her fuckin. Fringe show#Always with the shushing. Every time I speak :((#She said I should go out & do something and quit being so lazy. So i said I would ride my bike but the tire is flat#She said 'why are you so useless' :((#When I was projectile vomiting for three days I told her I had a 104°F temperature and she said 'darn'#I asked if she wanted to watch Ponyo with me and she said 'oh my god I don't want to watch your stupid crap shit'#When I dropped a cup of gatorade and mopped it up (agony for chronic pain btw) she felt where it was still sticky and said#I'm so stupid and it's my fault we have ants (we do not have ants)#So I said 'yeah mommy I think my fine motor skills are getting worse I can't hold things or swallow very well'#She said 'have you tried paying attention??' :((((#I told her I had a sunburn and it hurt and she said 'youre so needy'#I got beat up in middle school and I was crying about it and she said it was all my fault because I was annoying#I was also sexually assaulted that same week but after the way she responded to that I was not going to tell her#One time when we were at the doctor and checked yes for suicidal thoughts she started screaming and crying#About how much we hate her and think she is a bad mother and how ungrateful we are#If I read this list to her she would say I was making it up and trying to make her look like a bad evil person#Because she is!!! She insults and belittles me so much I genuinely wish she would just beat my ass instead#I'm 20 years old why are you talking to me this way#I know it's all verbal abuse but. I'm so fucking miserable I want to die living here#Oh wait one time she strangled my little sibling because they complained about finding blood in their can of tuna
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or maybe it’s just because i hate rich people yknow
#sister lovesssssss to act like we’re rich we literally not i cannot find the reason why someone has a need to wear swarovski to school#okay this is gonna be an over sharing post but i feel like i hate ‘rich people’ since elementary school#i moved school when i was like 8 or 9 and that school was full of rich people#i couldnt fit in i had no friends everyone already had a group i remembered faking that i was illed#just bc i didnt want to go to school so my mom moved me back to the previous school#and the middle school i had these classmates they were rich mean girls and they would pick on me and my friends#one time she called my friend ‘stupid’ right in front of me#rlly affected my ability to open up to new people LOL#ok bye i’m good now#i already failed the sixth stage at the age of nine erikson woulda been proud of me#jrrtxt
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i got my hair cut today which was so needed but i am going to be honest. i have been trying to make the most of it all day but frankly its not good i will be at least slightly embarrassed to be in public w my head lookin the way it does rn
#its visibly shorter on one side :) and my bangs are all weird :) and idk what the fuck is somehow wrong w the layers bc i dont. get layers#this is not even the first time shes messed me up like this too idk why i even keep coming back (bc its easier for my mom)#i look like a medieval page boy rn. its giving mushroom. its So round and my head is already so fucking ROUND#i look like if a bowling ball was a middle school boy who hated himself#levi.txt#she got distracted for literally 10mins drying my hair bc a guy walked by smelling like weed/visibly high so its also parted wrong#hairdresser is also Very christian. we go there bc mom knows her from church so she gets a discount#and normally shes very sweet but oh man. shes got some opinions that have just wrecked my view of her#sometimes im like 'why dont i just do this shit myself and save everyone the time and money. i could shave my head rn'#but i have a weird hairline and get pimples there so. unfortunately no
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Although I had my first words at a normal time, I barely talked at all for like a year or two afterwards. Then one day mom mom had dropped my older siblings off at school, and she started singing a lullaby to me to get me to sleep. APPARENTLY I didn't like that because I spent a full five minutes yelling at her about why I hated it when she sang me lullabies. Full sentences and everything. It wasn't until that incident that I started talking regularly, so we count the beginning of that rant, "STOP SINGING" as my first words.
She says it was one of the first signs that I was autistic. Second sign was the fact that I taught myself to read at age 3 and was reading high school level books by age 8.
it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore
#learning to read was kinda funny bc all my mom had taught me at that point was the alphabet so i assumed that that's how everyone learns.#it wasnt until middle school that I realized kids are usually taught more than phonics when it comes to reading.#tbf my kindergarten teacher did teach us to read but I completely tuned her out since I already knew everything. She hated me :)#violet rambles
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