#ive been thinking about volleyball recently and how much i loved it and how i was a starting player all thru middle school

[weirdbabs]

entering into high school friendless really fucked me over in the long run ngl

[httpiastri]

some quick notes from your previous reply (i’m sorry i took so long ive been so busy recently but i finally have time now so):

firstly, i hope i never meet a handball player irl, ever. the fact that you just casually know people above 200cm?? i’m sorry but i’d actually feel like a pest around everyone 😓😓 (plus id get really jealous of heights) and id also be terrified to even stand near anyone close to 200 pls

and omg the fact that the guy who got you into coaching recently passed? i hope you’re doing okay 😓🙏 but if it helps— he may not have known how much he changed your life, but through coaching, you’re basically keeping his legacy alive, yeah? i think it matters, personally, that people are remembered and honoured and you’re kinda doing that through coaching, because you’re kinda solidifying (if that’s the right word for it) the fact that he existed, and he did enough good to change the lives of people for the better, and that his time here on earth wasn’t all in vain because he did good and he brought joy to people like you by leading you to being a coach and that his impact lives on even when he’s gone yk? it’s a form of closure, i think— to know that even if someone is gone now, there are pieces of them scattered behind in little things (in your case, in your daily life as a coach), and that not all is lost, just a little harder to find

also oops the fact that i called them girls even though they’re only a barely a few years younger than me 😭😭

and omg pepe would 100% make me feel comfortable meeting him at a race even if he might be stressed and no way you got to go to races at 8?? you had a chance to be one of those cute kids probably decked out in merch (if no merch was involved you probably got to scream happily at everything and good for you😭😭 because thats exactly how races should be experienced)

finding sponsors can’t be that hard… we could infiltrate the space in various ways im sure (my friend’s mum knows someone who works for Marlboro that gets invited to races bc the company was an EX-sponsor so anything’s possible)

on a rather unrelated note— pepe’s been acting very much like a muse for me recently… whatever that might mean… (might even be nothing honestly sometimes i don’t know what i mean either)

anyway! as always, i hope you have a lovely lovely friday, and weekend, and june (pepe’s month!), and that people are kind to you and that the sky looks beautiful and gorgeous all the time ❤️❤️

- 🪷💗

gosh dont apologize :( esp since you know im bad at answering….. its alright 🥺 just glad to hear from you 🥺🥺

shdjdhd it do be scary to meet really tall people!! when im around the men's team i work with sometimes, i almost get neck pains bcs staring up at them is so hard 😵‍💫 and i have this other job where i have to like sit by the court and do things for the match, and when players come over to talk to me and they literally tower over me???? insane 😶 but yes i too get jealous of heights, esp since in handball it's good for girls to be tall too so everyone around me is always tall asf? ive always been considered to be a tall person in school but at 175cm i am nowadays considered short in the team i currently play in 😐😐😐 so yes i feel u aaa (also several of the girls i coach are my height already and just. pls stop growing, you're scaring me. 🥲)

ALSO OMFG i almost forgot to answer this but i had a thought yesterday.... about my favorite volleyball player being 188cm and i thought "hm that's not very far off from pepe" so of course i have now started thinking about volleyball player!pepe 😶 idk if you enjoy volleyball aaaaaaa but i just thought about his height and his big ass hands that would make hitting the ball easier and just..........

thank you, im doing okay but it's still weird to imagine? because i haven't really had anyone close to me (or even semi-close) pass away so it's a very new experience, being in his neighborhood (very close to where i live) and thinking "oh what if i see him in the shop like that day-" before realizing... but god you put it in such a sweet way, im lowkey teary eyed :( i will continue to do my best to keep his legacy alive and honor him through my coaching!!! he created this thing that became so important to me and for that i will be forever thankful. but yes i agree, it means that he brought more meaning to my life and therefor also the girls i coach, and that's such a beautiful thing. it's life, i guess 😭 so hard but also so sweet...

skdjfhdjjf dont worry, i call them "children" to their faces very often even though some are even 16 😁 but to be fair ive known a lot of them since they were nine so to me they're still babies :(( also you being that young and still so smart is so cool and cute aaa

no because i have imagined meeting pepe MANY times and i really really think he would be so sweet about it. very happy that i recognize him and like "aw hey it's okay! no tears please" when i cry 😭 and i think he also would agree to do a silly pose with me for a photo aksjdhfjkdf 😭 i sadly didn't buy a lot of merch BUT (did i mention this already?? then i will be so insanely embarrassed....) we did get me a kimi lotus cap for obvious reasons 🥺 that i still have to this day actually !!! and ofc we took a pic of me next to the lotus truck 🤭 (also realizing now that i wasn't 8, i was 9 or 10 🤣 well well)

oh! then i think we can pretend to be your friend's mum's friend's kids? so we should also be invited?? or maybe we just need to get a job somewhere that has connections and can invite us..... to be fair my dad wrote to dino beganovic's manager or something about sponsoring him just for funsies (idk how u mean to sponsor someone just for fun tho 😶 he was like "what if i get my company's logo on his car and in return we get to come into the paddock once?..."), but then the manager responded with a full deal and stuff and my dad just got scared 😭 but we should keep looking, i'm sure we can find a good sponsor for us 🥰

aaaaa that's so sweet 🥺 i love that 🥺🥺🥺 if you feel like talking further about it, im all ears 🥰

aw dalring i hope you have an even lovelier lovely friday and week and month and year !!! and yes yes pepe's month, i think it will be very good to us all (esp him!!!!!!!) 🥰 i think that maybe the world listened to your ask because the sunset was so gorgeous tonight 🥺 so thank you for that <3<3

[m1ckeyb3rry]

hii !!!

just got done reading the new SITH chapter & RAHHH CORDELIA IVE MISSED HER SMMM she’s exactly what the mc needs rn, a nice breath of fresh air & someone she can talk to even tho cordelia won’t understand much of her trauma like colt & friedrich can. nonetheless, cordelia is that female best friend that the mc needs :)) even tho she’s got her boys who will do anything for her & will listen to her talk abt anything, i definitely think she could use some girl time & a break from all the war talk. i’m already loving their friendship :))

i loved the understanding between the mc & marek. them being able to understand the brutality of the war & realizing they’re more alike than they thought at first glance makes that entire scene all the more heart wrenching. through their faults & trauma, they see each other as ppl who have been hurt by war & see beauty in each other despite heinous war crimes & irreversible burn scars. truly a beautifully written scene!!

& even tho there was a lack of canon characters this chapter, i still loved it!! the trio got their much needed break before they’re thrown back into more emotional, mental, & physical trauma. i’ve probably said this before lmfao, but i just love the trio’s dynamic sm & they mean the world to me <33 despite everything they go through, they’ll have each other & that’s just smth so dear to me.

i hope ur doing well & having a great week so far! mine has been pain filled due to starting volleyball practice & not having used my leg muscles in awhile haha. it’s been a bit hard for me to walk, much less run, so i’ve been taking it easy & going slow to build up my muscles again lmao! even if my legs feel like they’re falling off, i’ll push through! 🥲

— 🪐

HIII!! you’re so right honestly cordelia is so sweet and normal y/n really needs someone like that in her life to like balance out how traumatic every other facet of her existence is now 😭 and of course colt and friedrich care about her so much but lowkey she needs a friend who isn’t in love with her if that makes sense 😫

the mc and marek scene was honestly a spur of the moment decision!! the reason this chapter took so long was because i kept rewriting it and not liking how it was turning out. in the earliest drafts the mc’s depression had actually spiraled to the point that general magath straight up had to intervene because it counted as “destruction of marleyan property” 😨 also marek was such a jerk originally i’m going to be honest 💀 but i settled on this instead and ended up really liking it so i’m glad you do too!! and that’s what i was hoping would come across for them…while yes the mc is notorious for pulling guys left and right, marek wasn’t really supposed to be an example of that. it was a complicated scene to pull off so it’s good to hear you think I did so successfully 🤞🏻

there’s about five more chapters of a “break” in the sense that we’re not quite back to straight trauma yet but at the same time, the events of those chapters are…events?? like there are things going on, characters being introduced, dynamics shifting, etc etc. it’s less focused on the mc’s internal struggle and more on the relationships between several different characters which I think will be interesting!! although the trio won’t be together quite as much in the next mini-arc, the ones after that will provide plenty of them together so it shouldn’t be too long before they’re back in action

my week has been alright!! i live in the USA so we had the time switch last week and honestly my body has not adjusted yet which means the mornings have been awful recently 😭 good luck with volleyball!! I know the feeling of being out of condition it sucks sm 🙁 listen to your body and don’t push yourself too too hard!! it’s important to relax too.

[tomas-adriah]

i am once again thinking about post time skip haikyuu and how the series ended. i think so much of the series was how hinata overcome a lot of his insecurities in regards to volleyball; the passion and tackling burn out in regards to the sport as well as stating how volleyball can be “fun.” the ending of haikyuu, especially , beach volleyball, and post time skip is what got me into haikyuu. and yes. this meant i only had picked up the series very recently, at 2020-2021.

for reasons i can elaborate more later on: i didnt pick up haikyuu when it first published in 2012 because i had quit volleyball by then. i wanted nothing to do with the sport and i was eager to find myself outside of the sport and other passions i had always wanted to pick uo but couldn‘t because of volleyball. and yes this meant that i had avoided the sport for almost a decade.

ok maybe not completely avoided. i enjoy watching beach volleyball by the time rio olympics had rolled around the corner...and this is mostly since when i played indoor, we would play beach volleyball as thats a great way of learning what my coach, team, and i would consider “real volleyball.“ see where im going with this? the beach volleyball arc had me picking up haikyuu as a series…and eventually had me backtracking and reading kamomedai and a portion of the beginning of the series.

which leads me to a couple of things:

- i have a different perspective from one who had followed the series. (we all do, but considering that i have a past with volleyball where i avoided it for the duration of the manga’s serialization, and only really read the last few arcs of the series, i have a different approach towards the series and why i thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the ending).

- and yes i thoroughly enjoyed the ending of the series. it not only got me picking up the sport and actually…dare i say it…go back to indoors matches im…SHIT thats scary lol especially after a fucking decade of absolutely not wanting to…but i also got me loving the series ending from a literature/writing perspective? and its so fuckinf wild since i had always associated writing/reading and volleyball/sports SEPARATELY.

- so my mind is a bit jumbled. like i can understand people’s dislike of the kamomedai match as well as the mix reaction to post time skip. so lets address some of this:

POST TIME SKIP, SKIPPING OVER ARCS, AND SOME GAPS IN THE LITERATURE

ugh i seriously need to stop reading science research papers as i cant believe im using the term “gaps in the literature“ but please bear with me T^T

one of the main complaints of post time skip is the fact that furudate skipped over possible rematches (ie: inarizaki v karasuno, etc.), didnt go into detail of some character’s arcs (yamaguchi captain or ennoshita captain had me robbed ok i feel that 😭), or the overall journey and content of out fav first years and their eventual destination as third years going further into finals.

and as much as i would love to see that and wouldnt mind reading that in a light novel (so if furudate youre seeing this and willing to revisit haikyuu, i’d love to and will totally support), i just never thought theyd go over this part of their journeys? like even when i had initially heard of the manga at 2012, i didnt really think about whether they made it to finals. i didnt think about winning. i thought about their play style and dynamics. then i saw that their focus was more attack-oriented and lost interest.

because being attack-oriented isnt as fun as one would originally think, since rallies are what makes volleyball really fun.

in other words, i thought about how this series would make that come alive. how can this series emulate that sense of fun?

and ive thinking so much about how the last arcs really connects with that of the beginning, with some caveat. at the beginning obviously there was some conflict w hinata and his middle blocker position, his dynamic w a genius setter, his height - as it all are barriers to him fully enjoying volleyball. and initially it had been wanting to be an ace and winning games as his solution. but then…hinata grew as a character. and not only hinata, but those around him were very much affected by hinata’s journey with volleyball. and so, by the time we got to the later half of the series (karasuno v nekoma, kamomedai v karasuno), we get to see furudate’s message about passion, burn out, and having fun playing volleyball. having that passion for volleyball and choosing to play it, to make a living out of it, is eventually what makes a monster. i would even argue that those who see volleyball and inspire others to show that volleyball is fun, is also a monster…

this is a really long winded rant/observation thats not quite fully formed into coherency or completion, but i just needed to get this OUT and im tired of losing all my drafts and loose paper of these thought process so instead in publishing this impulsively lol.

will probs finish this later on or add more to it later…

[cuddlesslut]

Okay im super excited to do this!!! This is my first Yay!! 🥰🥰 So im going to do head cannons for Oikawa and Kuroo I might come back later and right one for Atsumu but atm I just don't feel like I could right for character and do justice.

Warnings: slight angst, nsfw, light smut, fingering, daddy kink, pet play, unwanted attention, alcohol

The boys reacting to you talking to your ex

This is my first time writing smut so bare with me. Hope this is what you were looking for.💞👉🏻👈🏻💖

Oikawa Toru

okay so you and Oikawa have been dating for a few month

i love my baby boy shittykawa but i feel like he would be pretty insecure when it comes to having a girlfriend. due to past experience.

so after so many mess ups hes really trying his best with you

messaging you sweet texts

eating lunch with you and the team

and just trying to give you as much time as he can

but hes Oikawa and Prelims were coming up so as of recently volleyball practice was the only thing he could really focus on.

you understood and wanted to be there for him to support him but didnt want to distract him with such an important event coming up

that why when you got paired up with your ex for your science project it slipped your mind to tell him

he knew you and your ex ended on mutal terms but he had heard whispers that your ex still had feeling for you.

not that hes gunna tell you that as far  as hes concerned hed rather you and your ex be in as little contact as possible worried that youd fall for your ex again

so when you, Oikawa were sitting having lunch together.

your first alone time together in weeks

and Oikawa saw your phone light of from a text from said ex it was hard for him not to fear the worst

he hadnt been around for you lately he worried

his thoughts started to spiral thinking that maybe because he wasnt present enough in your relationship that you ex might have been there to steal you away.

Brows knit and voice a little stained trying really badly imight add to hide his jealousy

“whys your ex meassaging you about meeting up later” he asked heart aching as he read the message on the screen.

when you see the look on his face you immediately felt bad for not telling him sooner about your project

“oh im sorry babe i forgot to tell you that we were paired together for our science project.’ you say apologized seeing how tense he was. “im sorry i didnt tell you i didnt want to distract you i know you have so much going on right now i wanted you to be able to focus on volleyball” you admitted placing your hand on his arm to reassure him.

you saw hurt and pain flash across his face.

“ Y/n you never have to worry about distracting me,” he said caressing your cheek.

“if anything you are my favorite distraction im so sorry i havent here for you lately. im so sorry ive been such a shit boyfriend I promise to make more time for you please dont leave me.” he stuttered.

this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen Oikawa. worry still stain his beautiful features.

you leaned your head forward your forehead resting against his,

“Toru ,” you coo’ed his eyes flicked up to meet yours. “ babe im not leaving you. im so happy with you. im not upset that our time together is limited right now im just happy to be with you and support you in your passion. I wouldnt have dated you if i couldnt handle your volleyball obsession, i knew what i was getting into when i said yes” you saw him breath a sigh of relief at your short speech.

“you have nothing to worry about Toru my ex has nothing on you shittykawa,” you giggled at the nickname his best friend had taken to calling him

“ heey” he pouted his signature pout before smiling and closing the space between you , pressing his soft lips against yours

your heart fluttered for even the smallest things when it came to him

“i love you,” he whispered against you lips    

 Kuroo Tetsurou

being at a frat party tonight was not your original plans but do to some complaining from your friends here you were wandering around trying to avoid the drunk party goers

you looked around for your friends who you had been separated from.

they were no where to be found ofcourse that figures

making your way to the kitchen cause if you were going to be stuck here you sure as hell werent going to be sober

not planning on being drunk you decided to forgo the shot offered to you instead settling on a mixed drink

you werent a wallflower but this still wasnt your usual scene and with your besties no where to be seen you need to find a place to situate yourself

settling for a seat on the open lounge chair sipping your overly sweet drink

scanning the room you realized that he was here too

standing across the room with a group of friends was none other than Kuroo Tetsurou

he stood tall among the party goers even leaning against the wall his head full of bed hair was more than recognizable he wore a pair of black jeans with a black t shirt that clung tight to his chest his arms crossed his strong arms on full display

even from where you were sited you could see the veins in his arms that always made you want to drool

continuing your gawking you eyes made their way up only to catch his staring straight into yours

it seems like you weren't the only one checking the other out

his signature smirk made your breath hitch just a little to yourself.

god this man. for the chemistry nerd you knew him to be he sure was cocky

you and Kuroo werent dating by any means you didnt fool yourself into think what you had with the science major was anymore than just two stressed students having fun

looking him up and down you bite your lip thinking back to one of your most recent hook ups

you think about going up to of the many bathrooms to send him some incentive to ditch this party and head back to his

yet as fate would have it before you could make your move your thought were interrupted

“long time time no see” you glance up at the man standing in front of you

you groaned internally as your ex slid next to you on the lounge slinging his arm behind you hand resting on your shoulder.

you rolled your eyes in irritation trying to remember how you ever fell for such a douchebag

even from across the room Kuroo could see how uncomfortable you looked. and honestly he didnt like the way your ex acted so comfortable with you

he didnt enjoy how close he leaned into to you or the way his eyes looked like they were undressing you

you may not be dating but Kuroo did not like sharing

the final straw was when your ex placed his hand on your bare knee and started trying to inch his hand closer to the hem of your short skirt

you grabbed his hand to stop him not wanting to try and take this any farther

“c’mon babe,” he groaned drunkly “ we both know you could use some good dick”

you rolled your eyes about to interject when you were cut off before you could even protest

“i couldnt agree more,” Kuroo smirked pulling you into his arms

“what do you say kitten,” he said moving his hand to grab your hip hand slipping down to grab your ass making you hitch your breath

“better luck next time dude,” Kuroo laughed pulling you away

Kuroo pulled you into one of the empty rooms locking the door behind him

“ now kitten what am i going to do with you,’ he said pushing you into the bed his breath hitting your neck sending shivers down your spine

his hands making their way up to your cheek pulling you into a searing kiss

you felt like the air was being sucked out of your lungs

you felt drunk on lust as he nipped at your bottom lip

“im sorry daddy,” you squeaked feeling his hand slip under your skirt just barley tracing his fingers were you need him most

you felt the heat in the pit of your stomach as he moved one his slender finger along your soaked panties

“please let me make it up to you,” you said slyly feeling a little more embolden from the drink you had nursed

you moved your hand down his toned stomach your fingers catching on the buttons of his jeans

his hand caught yours pinning both of you hands above your head his breath hot on your neck

“now now now ,” he breathed sucking a bruise on your neck causing you to arch into him

still holding you hand in one hand he snaked his free hand down pushing you panties to the side slide two finger between your wet fold

“ what kind of daddy would i be if i didnt take care of my kitten,” he whispered in his husky voice before he slid index finger into you heat.  

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Okay im going to apologize if there's any grammatical errors im so sorry 🌸💐

I had so much fun writing this!!!

And like always 🥰🥰🥰

Request are OPEN 💞

@starboybokuto-recs

[haikyuuwaifu]

Selfish

Kuroo x Reader x Kenma

MASTERLIST

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Angst, swearing, implied sexual acts

MASTERLIST

PART IV:

The second time:

Third year was a time of stress, college, and change. Kuroo knew from the time he was in his third year of middle school, that he wanted to leave Japan for college. He had never been anywhere  outside of his home country. As laid back as he was, he busted his ass to keep up with his grades. Sure, he partied and had a good time; but he ensured he did well so he could apply to schools like Yale and Harvard. His hope was to get accepted into Harvard. He had heard from former Nekoma graduates that parties in America were wild and he wanted in. Harvard offered a great business program so he figured he’d kill two birds with one stone. You had no plans to leave Japan. As much as you liked the idea of going with Tetsu across the world, it wasn’t your dream. Aside from the New Years incident the two of you hadn’t had another issue. He stopped going to parties for the rest of that year and you two spent all your free time together or with Kenma. The summer before your third year Kuroo was made captain of the Volleyball club and suddenly all the parties started sprouting up again. As uncomfortable as it made you; you trusted him. He stopped inviting you out to parties and just went out on his own. The start of third year found you building time tables and study material so you could do well and get accepted into Miyagi. Instead of spending time with Tetsu at lunch, you were huddled in the library. After school you were usually at the internet cafe or occupying Kenma’s floor as he gamed. While you were busting your ass Kuroo was living the high life. School had never been difficult for him, so he never really had to try. He spent his lunches talking to the cheerleaders and the other sports captains. He would make sure to text you throughout the day, but more often than not if you didn’t text first; he wouldn’t bother. After practice he would go out with the girls of the volleyball team or the cheer squad. It depended on who got to him first. In his mind, what he was doing was harmless; you were his best girl, but you were never his actual girlfriend. Too bad no one thought to inform you of that fact.

As third year carried on the two of you spent less and less time together. When entrance exams came around you spent an entire week holed up in your room preparing. Kuroo spent the whole week in a different girls bedroom every night. 

After the New Years incident the year prior, things were awkward between you and Tetsu. Kenma being caught in the middle asked you what happened. When you explained what happened Kenma only shook his head and carried on with the game he was playing. He didn’t tell you, but that one moment solidified the fact that he just didn’t want anything to do with Kuroo anymore. He only dealt with him during practice and if he had to deal with him on the weekends it was solely because you were there. Any other time he pretended he was busy or ignored any form of contact Kuroo attempted.

While Kuroo decided to party and sleep his way through third year; Kenma was the one who made sure you were eating enough. He learned how to cook and made an extra bento for you every day. He made sure you weren’t overworking yourself and dragged you out of the library after he finds out you’d been sitting in there for hours. Sundays were usually days where you and Kuroo would go out and do something, but with studying and exams; you stayed in and he was hungover. Kenma ended up shutting his games off on Sundays and dragging you all over Tokyo. As much as he hated going out and dealing with people, he didn’t mind going out with you. In the time that he had come to know you, he had grown to see you as someone more than the giver Kuroo liked to take advantage of. 

Kuroo, though selfish, wasn’t an oblivious idiot. He knew deep down that if Kenma could he would tell you about what he had been doing. As aloof as Kenma seemed, he had always been a perceptive child. And he knew that Kenma had grown to respect you. Sometimes Kuroo would feel guilty about the things he had done, and the way he had treated you. But more often than not he would forget about it as quickly as the thought came. You were his best girl afterall, you’d never abandon him. He knew you didn’t have social media outside of FB. You never saw the need for it, so he made sure to keep his posts private and vague; just in case Kenma saw something he felt the need to share with you. 

Entrance exams came and went. You and Tetsu received your letters and were sitting in his bedroom waiting for the other to open it. He had no idea that you didn’t apply to any schools outside of Japan. You had no idea he only applied to Harvard. You knew what his dream was, but deep down you had hoped that what you had was enough to compromise. Ripping your letters open you both screamed as you received the best news you could possibly hope for. Clutching the letter to your chest you smiled. “I got into Miyagi Tetsu, I got into Miyagi!” He looked at you a little confused. “Miyagi?” he questioned taking the letter and reading it over. “Why would you only apply to schools in Japan?” he asked looking up at you. “I told you, Miyagi was my first choice; I want to be a teacher in the prefecture I grew up in.” You murmur softly folding your hands together. Shaking his head he scoffs. “You can be a teacher anywhere baby, and you can learn anywhere...you were supposed to come to Harvard with me.” taking your hands in his he pulls you closer. “We were supposed to go to the US together. Maybe its not too late for you to a-” cutting off his sentence you pull your hands back and shake your head. “I’m not leaving Japan Tetsu...this has been my dream since I was a child. You should be happy for me.” you declare getting up and placing the letter on your desk. “And what about my dreams? You knew I wanted to go to the US.” he demands standing and facing away from you. Touching his shoulder he shrugs away from you. “Sometimes  I wonder who puts more effort into this.”he states making his way towards the door. Opening it he waves his arm, “I need time to think, so you need to go.” You sigh softly, grabbing your bag. You whisper an apology as you make your way to the front door. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk [name] I can’t even look at you right now.” he states watching you walk out the front door.

You spent that evening mulling over all the times you and Tetsu had talked about the future. You recalled him mentioning Harvard and going to the US together. You couldn’t help but feel guilty for overriding his opinions. You had spent so little time together this year that you had forgotten. Laying in your bedroom staring at your ceiling your eyes started bristling with tears just waiting to fall. You felt so guilty for pushing him aside. For not communicating your thoughts and opinions. You loved him after all. Neither of you had ever said it, but you felt that you never had to say it. He must have known you loved him. While contemplating whether or not you were actually going to leave Miyagi your phone started ringing. It was Tetsu. You answered immediately and at first all you could hear was loud music in the background. A few seconds later you heard Tetsu talking into the phone. He was drunk and he had called you to pick him up. You spent 15 minutes trying to get a location out of him ignoring the lewd moaning in the background. Hanging up the phone you grabbed your parents car keys and threw your shoes on. Twenty minutes later you made your way to his most recent location. Weaving through the sweaty bodies you looked around trying to find his signature hairstyle. You walked up the stairs knocking on doors. You reached the last door on the left that was slightly open. 

Placing your hand on the door you push it open only to drop your keys at the sight of Kuroo, head back, mouth open. His pants are around his ankles and his hands are knotted in a strange girl's hair as she takes him into her mouth. “What the fuck Tetsu!” you screech at him. His eyes snap open, red from the alcohol he ingested before you got there. “Fuck, baby no!” he scrambles to pull his pants up as you grab your keys and make your way down the stairs. Rage and sadness fueling your feet to move to the car before letting your tears fall. He follows you stringing out half drunken apologies. “Baby, no...I’m sorry...fuck I’m sorry.” he sobs falling to his knees gripping the back of your knees as you stand in front of the drivers side door. “Fuck, I’m such a fuck up baby.” he sobs. You try to shake him off but he just grips you tighter. Sobs getting louder he pulls you closer. “Don’t leave me [name].” he begs into your thighs. “I know I’m a fuck up, but please...I can’t do this without you...I can’t have a future without you.” the crack in his voice ebbs your anger slightly. Turning you peer down at him and watch as the tears stream down his face. You sigh softly, and stroke his cheeks. “I can’t do this again Tetsu, I came because you called and that’s what I walked into?” you asked. Pushing his face into your thighs he squeezes softly. “I had too much to drink, I was upset because I want you to come to the US with me.” you stroke his hair softly as he continues to explain his reasonings. “I’m sorry I kicked you out earlier. And I’m sorry I said I didn’t support you.” He mumbles softly. “I want you to be happy, and if going to Miyagi is what makes you happy then...we can do the distance.” You pull him up and snuggle yourself into his chest. “Forgive me baby, I need you. You’re my best girl.” he smiles at you softly stroking your cheek. And with the soft smile you find yourself forgiving him once again.

@dabilove27

PART III|PART V

A/N: Angsty Angst >:]

[animated-moon]

Good morning my little lamb! How was your sleep? I hope you have been getting more sleep since you haven’t been for the past week.

*blushes* if you really must know then yes, I do dream about you my moon *turns head away*.

About you though, some birdies on the team have been telling me about how you keep having mental breakdowns. Do you want me to come over? I know that it isn’t a full solution, but since you love me so much I figure I can at least make your day shine my sweets <3.

My day could’ve been better my lovely. Wakatoshi-Kun and Semi semi have caught me practicing when I wasn’t supposed to, and have lectured me for hours. I It wasn’t that bad though! It was only 3 and half hours of extra practice, I would’ve called you but then I would be risking getting you caught as well.

But how are you doing so far Mx.Tendou? Should I send over some chocolate milk to your place? Or just bring to you directly if you want me to come over?

Love you my paradise~

- your husband💜

ah, my sweetest! it’s been a while hasn’t it? i’m so sorry for responding to this much later than i usually do, but i know that you know things haven’t been the easiest lately :,) i’ll explain more at the end of this reply!

yup!! i’m getting more sleep than usual! all thanks to you, my lovely~ <3 oho? it was just a teasing statement, but now i’m curious. what do you dream of me? hmmm?

oh! you DARE go to extra practice WITHOUT ME? forget getting caught, my sun, i’d do practically anything to spend time with you <3 besides, i’ve been playing more volleyball recently (my thighs and arms are SORE :,) and i have bruises on my arm from the stupid balls, but SOON! i’ll be good enough to at least play in the court)

FROM THIS POINT ON IT WILL BE ME RANTING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND THERE MAY BE SENSITIVE TOPICS. PLEASE PLEASE DONT READ IF YOURE UNCOMFY. I DONT GUARANTEE ANYTHING

well,, about that. since we ARE wedded, and i’ve been running from my problems, i think it’s time to come clean to this. i’m not exactly doing well anywhere and my mental health has been far from okay. still better than many, though. i should really be grateful for that but i just can’t. anyways <3

also tendou anon: ily. the short version is just: i have insecurities and i am mentally unstable and i am being unnecessarily sad about it 👍👍 followed by me being stupid and having parental issues <3 summed it up in case you didn’t wanna read all t h a t

i’m having a series of small but important exams recently and i can’t say i’m really doing well in school either, so i’ve taken it upon myself to at least work hard and try my best to finish all my schoolwork, get enough sleep and still have time for some more relaxing things, like tumblr. i dont know if you know just how alleviating it is to see people pop into my ask box to chat or to request or just ANYTHING, which is why i really, really love and appreciate you (i’m getting off topic, let me steer back). well, anyway, how should i say this? tumblr has been like my escape from reality, like my paradise. somewhere i can be without having to meet already-made expectations, without having to pretend like everything in my life is fine and without having to simply pretend. lately i’ve been less and less active because of all the personal problems i’m facing, and i do apologize for that, although i know i don’t need to.. i just- gosh i don’t even know where i’m going with this at all.

since i’ve addressed my inactivity, i’ll talk about my mental health. it’s been months since i’ve had any insecurities popping out randomly to taunt me and pick at every single thing i do. since around the start of july, though, everything started falling back onto me. i started realizing and criticizing every little thing i did and myself as a person. recently it’s only gotten worse, and it’s disgusting for myself to doubt some of my closest friends and their friendship with me, but i cant help but think they’re all going to leave me for some newer, more fun and more interesting friend. after all, in reality, i’m just plain old me. i sound so unbothered by everything, i look unapproachable, i’ve even given up on almost every aspect of myself. why would they want someone like me, right? it’s stupid, and i shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts, but i can’t do anything about them. sometimes it feels like i give so much but they never give in return. i pick up their siblings from classes, i take time out of my already packed schedule to help them solve their boy problems, i always try my best to take their feelings into consideration. at least in my point of view, i did nothing wrong? did i? i don’t know why everything’s going wrong and why everyone’s slipping out of my lives when they’ve barely even been there.

tw//suic*de and de*th and starving and really bad parents under this

i’ve been suicidal since a few years back and i only have a single reason to live. that single reason is my one of my two best friends. he’s amazing in every way possible, and i don’t truly know what love is, but if i loved someone, it’d be him. he brought me out of my darkest times when i’d attempted suicide and we made a promise to both live on. we still do talk, but since he’s older and busier, these times just get less and less frequent, and i’m so scared to lose the one thread still tying me to the world.

and, my parents. i think they’re the largest contributing factor to my current situation. lord, i can’t tell you how many times i’ve passed out from exhaustion, being fucking forced to study for exams. how many times that woman has threatened to k*ll me and starve me for the tiniest things ever. in my entire life, no matter what happened to me, she’s never said a genuine sorry to me before. her nonexistent social awareness is almost funny, if it weren’t so fucking annoying. whining and babytalking with my dad all fucking day at max volume as if i weren’t in the house. all that slandering of the lgbtq+ community and being racist, all that shittalking about me as if i can’t hear them at all. all they know is how to be disgusting, manipulative shitheads, thinking theyre the boss of everyone and that they can order me around like im an inanimate object. IM EIGHTEEN, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF SINCE 13. LEAVE ME TF ALONE.

i just,, i dont know. fuck them, fuck everyone, fuck everything. i want to just end it all so bad but i know i’d just be more of a burden to everyone like that, or so i’d like to believe.

that is all. that’s the longest i’ve ever ranted in ages, lord. i won’t say i’m fine right now, but i won’t say i’m doing good. i’m just barely hanging in there, and i don’t know what else to say about this.

sorry for the long rant! i have lots more i’m upset about, but i’m not ready to share it with anyone yet, sorry. for anyone who actually read until this part, please just somehow ignore this. thanks

[amjustagirl]

HI NIKKI JIE omg its been ages since ive dropped in how are you!! eep i read ch 8 of when the sun loves the moon DAYS ago and ive been meaning to drop in to scream about it but got caught up with squid game (i want to scream the ending made my heart pain T^T) then with school :")

i dont even have words to describe how much i loved it aaaaa bokuto fighting to stay on her team, her finally bringing him to meet her mum, everything theyve been through together gdkjfkkdsk it was such a rollercoaster honestly having not one but tWO major angst plot points 😭 but i absolutely loved the ending soso much; their wedding (eAting at a yakiniku place with their teammates and friends pls thats the dream sia🥺) and omg that sneak peak at their life with kousuke kouichi AND kouji fjskdjksjs helpp that was soo freaking adorable and i think this thing with showing where they are many years down the road is not really something youve done before in your prev longfics ? (not including all your outtakes ofc) but you did it here and aaa i was squealing so hard it was so sweet 😭 fjskfjs hELP im so excited to see what outtakes youll have for them next time (kouichi and sachiko mayhaps 👀 HAHA) AND THEM SWITCHING IMAGERIES AT THE END HAD ME SCREAMING PLS 🥺 help not the way you revealed mizuki's name early cuz someone thought she was called tsukki HAHAHAHAH nikki jie you damn funny 🤣

eep i saw you have a prequel kuroo fic and osamu fic coming up 👀👀 CANT WAIT

oHOH and i think you mentioned before that you figured out which uni i go to, just from all my kendo references??? HAHAHAH RLY AH i dont keep up with other schools kendo so i have no idea whats the diff LOL (i thought the reading/midterms week schedule would have been more obvious cuz i think the rest diff from us LMAO) ok la but tbh i think most ppl go to one of the three main unis so i dont think its that hard to figure out HAHAHA

oh also i saw you made mr nikki start watching haikyuu?? hOWS THAT GOING HAHA help ive been rewatching it alot recently and my mum keeps asking me 'isnt that the volleyball one you finished watching already??' HAHAHH

hope you have a good week ahead nikki jie 💓 ~ann :>

Hello Ann meimei!

Squid game truly hurt me to the core (I just get attached to the characters and its just game over for my heart). I hope school isn't too hiong for you haha and I figured it out quickly enough bcos it's my alma mater after all!

And thank you again again again for your love for when the sun loves the moon! Every notif fr you truly makes my day and I'm glad you loved the unadulterated fluff I poured in! They're lovely and sweet tgt, and I guess subconsciously after all the angst I put them through, I really wanted to make sure you guys know that they're both truly happy, with their chaotic trio of little sons and their huge group of friends. They relocate back to Tokyo after bo's retirement (sakusa too), so kuroo, bo and sakusas kids end up playing together a lot! Esp sachiko and kousuke...and aiko and kouichi, if I recall whose kids I'm talking abt!

Pls lor I was horrified at the thought of ppl thinking mizuki shares the same name as tsukki LOL and I feel like tsukki wld flip (like omi) if he ended up related to bo.

And yes! I do intend to write more fics, the kuroo prequel is a monster and no where near done, the osamu one is on the back burner but still there! Have patience with me 😊

Hehe yesssss I'm having such a blast rewatching hq w Mr nikki! He was shocked when I told him he reminds me a little of kuroo (the snarky science nerd bit) but he doesn't know I think he reminds me of osamu either, cos hes still at season 2 only! He's v entertained by tanaka and noya cos he used to be in a team sport in sch, so it reminds him of his friends and their antics (where they just share one brain cell!)

I hope you have a good week too Ann meimei ♥️

[hopipp]

tag game!

Rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

tagged by: one of my new moots @uchiwaka! thanks friend! ur url is bomb and the fact that you like bokuroo assures me that you have IMMACULATE taste.

tagging: @softyiwa @atsuu @nyaanko @runicfairy @rantaroamami @seijouthirdyears ​ @techno-trashcan ​ !!!! :D and anyone else interested!

(Under the cut bc its long af on mobile)

What do you prefer to be called name-wise? jules, hop, hoppip! but anything goes really

When is your birthday? april 18th! im bday buddies w terushima yuuji and asahi shiina. big aries energy.

Where do you live? i live in a sharehouse in south london but i grew up in toronto to italian immigrant parents

Three things you are doing right now.

writing a dissertation on LGBTQ+ pride buttons/badges in the late 20th century

thinking about iwaoi

smiling at the dog pics my friend is sending me on discord

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

that volleyball show you know the one

mo dao zu shi / the untamed bc wangxian 

i got into golden kamuy recently and i love it sm and think its totally underrated. its like jojo and gintama humour but by a mangaka who drinks respect women and respect indigenous ppl juice pls read it

im also fresh to the jjk fandom and id already kill for the main trio. gay/lesbian/bi solidarity.

How has the pandemic been treating you? BAD THANKS! when it first started i flew home to toronto to stay with family, who drove me crazy, so i moved back to london in september and have since then been off and on in lockdown. and bc of this i havent been able to really get much of my research done or find a full time job in my field. life is struggle at the moment but at least im in europe? 

*tw* also because of covid i had to attend my own grandfathers funeral on zoom. the absolute worst thing ever. 

on the bright side i started a haikyuu watchalong a few months ago and met a great group of folks. we made a discord afterwards and i love chatting with them every day <3

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? LUCID by rina!!! the entire sawayama album!!! and for some reason jet pack blues by fob

How old are you? 24

School, university, occupation, other? I have a BA in history and am working on my MA in queer history right now. I also have a part time job at an artisanal vegan kimchi company. yes, completely relevant to my studies i know. *sarcasm* i also volunteer at a local LGBTQ+ history organization.

Do you prefer heat or cold? my answer always changes because when im dying of heat i long to ski and ice skate but when im cold as balls i want to be sweating on a beach somewhere. to be honest i prefer mild autumn weather. a cheeky 18C maybe. 

Name one fact others may not know about you. i love to cook and i have an instagram dedicated to my plant based creations where i post recipes and stuff

Are you shy? used to be but not at all anymore

Pronouns? whatever floats ur boat

Biggest pet peeves? Straight People TM

What is your favourite “dere” type? i guess good ol tsunderes *blows a kiss to tsukki and inuyasha*

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. uhmm 8 or 9? im very happy i moved back to london but miss rona has really fucked me over. 

What’s your main blog? this one!

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

@gay-pirate-anime my one piece blog

@kira-kween jojo blog

@oddliy lgbtq+ and film blog

@suiibiian MDZS blog

@18496 photography

@jimin-juice bts blog i dont use much anymore

@fancy-tuna my old url and now mostly shitposts

ive been on tumblr for like 10 years so they’ve piled up

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? i dont think so? idk? i like oikawa and im queer thats enough to know lmao. be my friend <3

[happykawa]

[ goldfish ] t.k

afsghjkdls ive got some writing juice i gotta use before it expires shdjhskj everyone’s 18+ and in college and this isn’t proofread sorry if its long

You help clean the volleyball court as the rest of the members pack their things. Today had been a fairly good day for training. Everything went smoothly, well, as smooth as things could go in the team. 

You say your goodbyes to your seniors before you head the opposite way with Tadashi and Tsukishima. 

“Say, y/n-chan,” Tadashi starts and you turn to him.

“Hm?”

 “How’s it going with your crush?” Tadashi asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Tsukishima remains nonchalant, though he does turn to you.

You feel your ears turn pink and you look away, afraid your eyes may reveal something clandestine.

“Nothing, still. I haven’t gathered up the courage to confess.” You chuckle nervously, rubbing the back of your head. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Tsukishima look away in disinterest, and you feel your heart break a little. Just a little though.

Tadashi sighs. “Maybe if you just told us we could help you!” He pokes your side with his elbow.

“N-no, no thanks. I feel like that would just make things even more complicated, and I wanna do it on my own terms.” You give Tadashi an apologetic smile, letting your eyes glance over to a certain blond for a split second.

That was an understatement. Telling Tadashi would make things much much more complicated, considering your crush was none other than the snarky blonde on the opposite side of your small group.

“Okay, I can respect that.” 

The rest of the walk is silent, and Tadashi eventually branches off to his street, leaving you alone with the one and only Tsukishima.

You could never really pinpoint when you started having a crush on Tsukishima. Next to Tadashi, you’ve known him the longest, so it’s definitely hard to say when it exactly started, given all the time you’ve spent together.

However, if you were asked, you’d probably say sometime before high school. When you realised it, you were terrified to say the least. Falling for the crankiest person you know isn’t exactly ideal.

Furthermore, Tsukki never really showed interest in romance, so for all your years of friendship, you don’t know anything about his preferences or his tells.

Recently, you’ve grown hyper aware of your emotions, due to spending even more time with him as an assistant manager of the volleyball club. It’s quite the miracle that you’re not a tomato now given your close proximity to the him. 

“Oi, don’t think too much, you might use your last brain cell.” A cool voice breaks you out of your reverie.

You huff and pout. “Tsukishima, you’re so mean. I have more than one brain cell you know. I can afford to think.”

“I’m surprised you even have one left, with how you were looking earlier with physics.” He snickers.

You slap his arm. “Well not all of us have an unlimited supply, you know. I have to make do with what I have.”

“Two brain cells?” He snickers once again.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Yes, thank you very much.”

“Both working?”

“Okay, now that’s just mean.” You cross your arms over your chest. “I can’t help it if one of them decidedly thinks about–my crush.” You quickly save yourself the slip up of nearly saying ‘you’. You give yourself an internal pat on the back.

Seeing as you’ve entered the topic of your ‘crush’, you take the rare opportunity to subtly ask him about it. “Say, Tsukishima, if a girl were to confess to you, how would you want it to go, ideally?”

“I’d want her to make me king of the Japan, before gifting me with an Ankylosaurus army to take over the world with. Maybe a torture chamber for the king and the shrimp.”

You scoff. “That’s ridiculous, you can’t even ride an Ankylosaurus, how the hell would you use it to take over the world?”

You hear what you can only think of as a chuckle from Tsukishima. “It’s more plausible than the question you’re asking me. Of all the people, really. Do I look like a person who cares about that stuff?”

“Well, I just thought, you’re a guy, you ought’a know, right? I’m sorry for assuming the best of you.” You huff out again.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s all gonna end the same anyway.”

“How’s that?”

He smiles positively, and your heart is filled with hope, confused hope, but hope nonetheless. 

“I’d happily reject them.” 

Your face falls. “You really are a horrible person.” You grumble.

“I don’t really care for romance. I think it’s useless and burdening, all that obligation and responsibility and for what? Just so you can feel validated by another person? I can do that for myself, and it’d be cheaper too. Plus, it’ll save me from all that nasty crying once we break up.” He replies coldly, and you feel your heart shatter. 

The way he says it doesn’t help. He says it with so much disdain that you can’t help but think about how stupid you are for thinking that that you could ever have a chance with him.

You manage to keep your tears in and your face straight. You can’t look him in the eyes without bursting so you opt for the road ahead of you instead. You feel relief as you catch sight of your house in the distance.

The walk there is filled with nothing but uncomfortable silence. Tsukishima has his headphones on and his face is the same.

‘So that’s how he feels…’ You can’t help but replay his words over and over in your head, and you feel your heart break every time. The only thing keeping the dam together was the embarrassment you now you’d feel if it were to break right now. 

With your house only a few paces away, you quicken your steps. “See you tomorrow, Tsukishima.” You manage to say goodbye without stuttering and you don’t dare look back, for fear that he’ll notice the welling tears in your eyes.

‘…useless and burdening…’

‘…it’ll save me from all that nasty crying once we break up…’

 You run through the door. Too focused on not sobbing, you don’t notice how Tsukishima’s gaze followed you as you ran, nor the concerned look in his eyes.

Turns out, you may have lied to Tsukishima. You didn’t see him the next day, or the day after that, or the rest of the week for that matter. Well, technically, you did. But you avoided all interaction with him at all costs. 

What he said really stung, and while you know it’s not really his fault maybe his parents’ but that’s for another story and it’s not exactly fair to just start ignoring him altogether, it’s also not fair that you fell in love with possibly the world’s most emotionally unavailable man but you aren’t complaining are you? Okay, maybe you are, but that’s besides the point. You’re not ready to face him yet, and you won’t until you are.

The classes you had together were spent with you surrounded by many other people. During volleyball practice, you always arrived when they were deep into training, and you left early as well, with the excuse of having to take care of your brother. You stopped walking home with Tadashi and Tsukishima.

Even during their breaks, you’d be so engrossed in something, be it homework or strategy that they couldn’t even disturb you, which they found strange since you never really were the most diligent student (read: you’re a known lazy ass).

All of the members, save for one particular blonde, tried to talk to you, but you simply waved it off as stress from school. None of them believed you, you know, but they got the message and decided against bothering you for more information.

It’s Saturday and your solid plan of sleeping in is effectively ruined by your phone ringing.

“I swear, I turned off all my alarms, who the fuck calls at–” you glance at your clock, “–six o’clock on a Saturday morning.”

You groan and grab your phone. For a moment you consider throwing it against the wall and going back to sleep.

“Hello, you’ve reached the Devil, how may I help you?” You croak. “Oh, you want to go to hell? Why, stay on this line and you will soon!” You hiss out and look at the caller ID.

SnarKei (+81) 22 37632

Okay, you admit, you feel a certain satisfaction at snarking him. Just a little.

“Aw, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” He replies in a mocking cutesy voice. “Did the inevitable happen? Have you already been rejected?”

That stings you, and you mumble to yourself. “Something of the sort.” You’re not sure if he hears you though, and you really don’t care. Nope. Not. At. All.

You are met with silence, so you assume that he didn’t hear you, or else he most likely would have poked more fun at your still-bleeding wound.

“What do you want, Tsukishima?”

“Of course you’d forget. You have the memory of a goldfish.” Tsukishima comments bluntly. “We have Saturday training today, goldfish.”

“This early in the morning? Why don’t I remember this being announced?” You yawn and get up from bed.

“Yes, this early, because a big match is near. And you’d remember if, aside from your goldfish memory, you’d actually stayed until the end of training to hear announcements.” You can practically feel Tsukishima looming over you with his scary deadpan.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Tell coach I apologise for being late. I’ll be there in–” You yawn once more. “30 minutes.”

“Make sure you shower well. I can smell your stink from here.” Tsukishima’s infamous smirk pops in your mind and you subconsciously sneer. 

“You’re just smelling yourself.” You retort and end the call. You feel your heart ache, and sigh. At least it’s been reduced to a dull ache now, however troublesome.

‘I’m sure I’ll get over this. Maybe in a week or two.’  You think to yourself as you enter the shower.

You believe you just lied to yourself.

You hear no sound from the gym, and the lights are off. 

You check your watch just to be sure.

7:30 am

‘Okay, what the hell?’ You peek through the windows, maybe they’re practicing with the lights off? That wouldn’t explain the lack of squeaking shoes and balls dropping, though.

“You’re late.”

You jump and turn around. You’re ready to grab the pepper spray in your right boot when you identify the would-be-predator as Tsukishima.

“You scared me.” You breathe out, putting a hand on your racing heart in an attempt to calm it down. It doesn’t stop racing though.

Tsukishima feigns hurt. “What, with my beautiful voice?”

You roll your eyes and fight a smile. “Why’d you tell me there was training?”

“Because otherwise you wouldn’t have come and I wouldn’t find out why you’re avoiding me.” He states it as if he were talking about the weather, rather cheerfully. But you sense the hostility behind that cheerfulness, as any person would.

“I don’t know–” You start talking, but you stop as Tsukihima walks slowly towards you. He stops when he’s only a step away, and you’re suddenly extremely aware of your closeness and his unjust height advantage.

“…what you’re talking about.” You continue in a smaller voice, feeling yourself overwhelmed by Tsukishima’s presence and size. 

He continues to loom over and look down on you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You tentatively look into his eyes, and immediately look away. His golden-brown eyes are intense, and you’re scared that if you look for a second more you won’t be able to look away.

“Because I don’t like liars.”

You snort instinctively. “That’s ironic. Part of your role is deceiving.”

He shrugs. “Deceiving and lying are two different things.”

“Lying is deceiving.” You point out. You don’t notice that you are able to meet his eyes as you challenge him.

“But deceiving is not always lying.” He smirks back, and the two of you get into a staring contest.

You stare into his eyes and you feel yourself getting lost. You look away first, afraid of what might happen or what you might say if you don’t. You fail to notice his faltering smirk.

“So, I assume you didn’t just bring me here for semantics?” You cross you arms over your chest. Your previously calmed heart starts racing again.

Tsukishima takes a small step closer, and you instinctually take one back. “I told you, goldfish, I want to find out why you’re avoiding me.” 

His gaze never leaves your face, and you’re painfully aware of it, so much so that you will your eyes to look at anything but his. You’re tempted to look back, but you know once you do, all your walls will fall.

‘This is so unfair.’ You think to yourself as you start over-analysing Tsukishima’s shoes.

“Why don’t you look me in the eye? Afraid of what you might say?” He taunts you. He’s testing waters, and by the looks of it, he know he’s hit the bullseye.

“N-no. I’m perfectly confident with my words, thank you.” You reply, swallowing the bile in your throat.

He scoffs. “Prove it. Look at me.”

You feel your ears tingle and you attempt to resist, but your pride doesn’t allow it. Reluctantly, you meet his eyes, and you immediately regret it.

They’re fierce and intense, his golden eyes, even more so than before. Your breath is taken away and you forget what you were about to say. 

“Let’s try this one more time,” Tsukishima takes another, larger step forward, and you take one back, or at least, attempt to. Your back hits the wall, and before you know it, you’re cornered. His places his right arm next to your head as he leans over you. You can almost feel his minty breath on your face.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice that he doesn’t place his left arm on the other side.

‘He’s giving me a way out.’ You think, and you can’t help but internally smile. He doesn’t want to force you into anything you don’t want, but he’s putting pressure on you. You bit your inner cheek in an attempt to ground yourself.

“Why have you been avoiding me since we last walked home together?” His voice is softer this time, but his intensity doesn’t waver. An emotion flashes in his eyes, you’re not sure what it is. Uncertainty? Hurt?

You swallow the bile in your throat. You feel like you just ran a marathon and your face seems to think so too, if the rising heat in your cheeks is anything to go by.

“I–I…” You fumble around for words, unsure of what to say. The golden irises staring into your soul surely isn’t making it any easier.

‘So much for my two working braincells..’ You say to yourself.

Your brain nearly overheats in attempting to make an excuse. Instead, it settles for giving your irrational courage to confess once and for all.

Knowing what you’re going to say, you are unable to look him in the eyes and deflate

“I was hurt…” You whisper softly, feeling the tears well in your eyes. “…by what you said.”

“Why?” He asks, quieter this time. 

You sigh defeatedly. There’s no point in delaying it now. You feel all the “healing” you went through in your time away dissipate into thin air. The once dull ache is now a stabbing pain in your chest, but you soldier on. 

“Because I like with you. And I idiotically thought that maybe you felt the same way. Yes, it’s dumb. You don’t have to reject me, I know what your answer is, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear about it and–” 

You’re interrupted by a pair of lips pressing against yours. It takes a second for it to register. Until it does.

You hear yourself internally screaming as Tsukishima slowly rises from his awkward position and straightens his back, forcing you to turn your head upwards and tip toe. 

Tsukishima realises this and smirks. He straightens up even more, just a touch too high for your lips.

You don’t even notice that your eyes are closed until you open them to see Tsukishima’s annoying smug face.

“I never grasped how small you are until now.” He teases, and you feel his cool breath brush against your skin.

You’re too flustered to make a retort, and you’re pretty sure your face is red. You take another moment to let the previous events sink in. 

‘Tsukishima…. Kissed… Me…’

He snorts. “Have your two braincells short-circuited?” He gazes down on you, and you see, behind his teasing, is genuine worry.

“You kissed me…” You blink multiple times, and a smile forms on your face as Tsukishima raises a brow. “…first.”

A giddy smile takes over your face, because of the fact that you just stated and the fact that Tsukishima is blushing right now. For once, you aren’t the one avoiding eye contact.

“You kissed me first.” You teased, tipping your toes even more to get a closer look at his blushing face.

“Only because you were putting words in my mouth and you wouldn’t stop.” He mumbles, giving you a sideways glance before looking away as he blushes even more,

You giggle. “Technically, I was putting your words into your mouth. Besides, what was all that ‘I don’t care for romance’ stuff you said?” You poke his warm cheek playfully.

“It’s called lying. And techinically, you confessed first.” It’s your turn to blush and Tsukishima’s to smugly smirk as he pokes your cheek back.

“So, what does this mean? And since when did you figure it out, given this whole set-up?” You mumble, fiddling with the edge of your white shirt with a red “shut up” written on it.

“It means I like you back, even if you have a goldfish brain, goldfish. And you weren’t exactly subtle with the way you got upset last time.” He pokes your cheek once more. His face is back to it’s regular nonchalant state, but you see a twinge of playfulness in his eyes.

You cross your arms over your chest and pout, sneering at him. “I don’t have a goldfish brain. How could I forget something that never existed?” 

“You can’t. Who said anything about training not existing?” He raises a brow.

“Didn’t you call me here to get me to confess?” You deadpan at the memory. “Coward.” You mumble under your breath.

Tsukishima smirks. “I did. But there is training, just not for the university.”

As if on cue, you hear a loud bickering noise.

You both turn to the source and find the old Karasuno team, complete with Hinata and Kageyama bickering.

You beam at the sight and turn to Tsukishima. You nearly tackle him into a hug, regardless of how he may feel about hugs.

He looks away with a light blush dusting his features once more. He uses his free hand to pat you on your head.

“Happy birthday, goldfish.”

fagdhefjks;laLKSJH i dont think i captured tsukki well here, and the part feels rushed. sorry for that idk where this went gg

[suckishima]

what are some of your other themed tags? ive noticed the some one even better for kagehina one and a few others? im curious how you chose them too!

Ah, okay! So I’ve only started using them for a couple weeks and I haven’t been too good about it either lol, but I wanna fix that bc going through that kind of thing is really fun for me lol.

My somebody even better tag is sorta, uh complicated lol. It IS for kagehina, but like, more specifically for either canon things or fanon stuff that is very closely related to canon. Basically, even though I definitely see Hinata and Kageyama as narrative soulmates, I don’t really ship them romantically in a canon setting. Like, I just can’t see them as they are, or have been, in canon, ever like holding hands or going on dates, etc. Their relationship/partnership/rivalry in canon is SO strong and specific and nuanced that to me it sort of takes up this space in my mind that can’t really be classified as like any one kind of “normal” relationship between two people, if that makes sense. So, that’s what the tag is for, it’s for things that feel like and relate to the specific aspect of their relationship that involves them being continually inspired by each other while simultaneously pushing the other further, in a way that only they can do for each other as they continually revolve around each other throughout their lives lol.

HOWEVER, I do still think they’re cute as a ship in a more fanon-only setting and use the regular kagehina tag for things that fall more into that category.

Then for the theme tags:

coach what should i eat is for anything related to the hunger/food/drive theme. I liked that quote for it bc when Hinata first asks Ukai what he should eat was the first time I really like actively noticed the theme being used. I liked how Hinata’s reaction to realizing he needed to change perspective was to think hard about everything, and that that made him hungry. And his first instinct when he was hungry, was to ask his coach of all people what he should eat. And Ukai, of course, knew immediately what Hinata meant. Plus then it transitions from there to that moment of Hinata biking up the hill to his house (which is another symbol of his drive bc he’s willing to do that work, while building his stamina, just to go to school far from his home), while Washijo’s monologue about height and hunger is overlaid on top of that.

this is still volleyball is for things related to self care/personal maintenance in how it relates to volleyball, but then also how it relates to everyday life too. the quote comes from takeda’s speech to hinata during the kamomedai match. i feel like this one is mostly self explanatory, but i really liked how the message is about how just caring for yourself and your basic needs is not only and important life skill, but an important volleyball skill - which in the context of hq!! makes it wrap back around to being an even more important life skill, because of how much volleyball means to the characters - hinata and kageyama the most specifically though. this one feels kind of silly to talk about lol, bc when i explain it i feel like i’m just talking about how much i like volleyball, and like “duh of course self care and personal maintenance are important” but it’s the WAY it’s shown in hq!! that i think is so powerful lol. kita’s whole character is a great example of the theme, but i mostly love how we get to see hinata slowly learn the importance of it throughout the series

and then my connect tag is in a more general way, basically just my tag for love throughout the series. anything involving love and the human connection will get tagged under the “connect” tag. it’s about friendship, and teammates, and unlikely relationships on the same side of the court as well as across the net, that are all formed bc of their shared love of the sport that literally can’t function if they can’t connect to each other both emotionally and physically. (this is the tag i’ve started consciously using the most recently tho so i need to go back and add it to things lol)

i thiiiink that’s it? i’m considering adding another for themes surrounding inarizaki’s banner and how “yesterday is just muscle” or the “what will you become tomorrow” line, but at this point the themes are all overlapping a bit lol and even though i understand the differences, in a lot of places they’re all connected (lol) and happening at the same time, soooo we’ll see if i end up doing that lol.

[parabelled]

You said you love skincare over makeup: me too! What's your favorite brands? :)

I have extremely sensitive skin that is prone to cystic acne due to my hormones being out of whack due to endometriosis, so I have to be very careful about the brands I use for either skincare OR makeup, and it took me a long time to realise that, and lean more into cultural beauty routines that take skincare over makeup (For example, Korean beauty or more traditionalist Swedish beauty, a la Ingrid Bergman, who famously never wore a stitch of makeup if she could help it and her skin was just that lovely that she didn’t have to). I’m also very aware of overt fragrances, stripping agents like alcohol (Baby Lauren was not; and thought drying out your skin equaled less acne; yikes), and any harsh additives. 

Sunscreen:

I’ve always taken sun care extremely seriously, as both my mother and my grandmother have had skin cancer before, so I’m most likely predisposed to having it. This has led to some unintentionally hilarious results of being the palest person in the world who plays beach volleyball both professionally (back in the day) and competitively (now, or before the COVID hit). I always wear long sleeves on the beach unless I have time to completely apply sunscreen, and am a snob when it comes to sunscreens as well. They can’t cause a breakout, leak into my eyes due to sweat, any of that good stuff. 

My sunscreen recommendations:

 (Note: And I literally get them from all over the world, so get ready, because I probably cover something available in your town/country. I’ve lived in Australasia, North America, and Europe, so I’ve pretty much covered a large part of the world in my travels xD)

Face:

Mychelle Pharmaceuticals SPF 28 in Coconut (Unfortunately only an American brand, but I literally get it shipped to a P.O. box near Canada so I can go across the line to get it. It’s that good. XD Doesn’t melt, dries quickly, unsure how it would look on darker skin than ghost white, but still doesn’t give me any sort of cast).

Innisfree Daily UV Protection Cream No Sebum: Literally a steal at twelve bucks, but DOES cause the dreaded white cast. Anti-acne and also settles down really well on the skin. I’m luckily pale enough that if I layer makeup over it, it usually doesn’t look as bad, but I’ve heard a lot of POC say they love the texture, but it gives them that ashy-white look (See below for some skincare brands I’ve heard are better for this for POC). 

Body:

Bioderma Photoderm SPF 50+ UVA and UVB Lait protection élevée: This is a really popular French sunscreen that doesn’t move and stays firm after you apply it and it dries down. It’s a high SPF quality, and I can find it in Canada, but I also obviously saw it in France when I was there as well. France is another country that really seems to follow the ‘If you have great skin you don’t really need makeup do you” train.

MooGoo Skincare (Generally and their sunscreen): This was my go to in Australia: I’d have to reapply it often because otherwise you would get burned, but Australia also has a gigantic hole in the ozone layer so it isn’t exactly helping itself. xD But it’s a local Aussie brand, it’s natural, and it’s great and relatively cheap (although you can order it worldwide I believe and they have a US based website if you’re in the states). I also love their leave in hair conditioner, as well as their self-tanner. They also send you great testers with it, and have great mineral-based makeup if you’re keen.

Coola SPF 30 Sunscreen Spray Pina Colada: This is my go to spray on for playing sports last summer. It’s natural, smells good, is expensive, but it lasted me an entire summer playing beach volleyball most days at the beach, and I still have some left over.

Some of my top other skincare recommendations I’d recommend otherwise would be:

My Current Routine:

- Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel (everyday)

- Dermalogica Overnight Clearing Gel (everyday)

- Dermalogica Microdermabrasion (everyday)

- Mychelle Cosmetics: SPF 28 Coconut (everyday)

- Clinique Oil Control Gel with Uneven Skin Tone Pump (everyday)

- Lush Eye Cream (optional)

- Benton Aloe Vera Gel (optional if my skin is feeling dry)

- Bioderma Photoderm 50+ for my body sunscreen  (everyday)

(Note: I also use a micellar water to clear eye makeup if I use it, and occasionally the Thayers toner if I have it on hand, but it’s not essential to my routine, and I don’t use eye makeup that often).

Dermalogica:  Expensive as all hell, but it’s literally the only thing that I can get a ‘wash and go’ effect from. Their Special Cleansing Gel is the only face wash I’ve been able to use for more than three to four months without having to switch it up from my skin throwing it’s own mini revolution. xD The one thing I could say is that their Cleansing Gel LITERALLY lasts forever. I have a gigantic pump which is 88 dollars (YIKES), but it’s lasted me literally seven months without having to change products and buying usually amount in cheaper skincare, going to the dermatologist, or having to get further medication from my doctor for my skin (I take an antibiotic to keep my skin at bay as well). It’s literally worth the money of me searching and floundering about buying cheaper options that make my skin break out that progressively add up to the full amount of the Dermalogica/ avoiding dermatologist appointments, so that’s how I justify it. So while it makes me cringe every time I buy it, it really is worth it if you’re washing it two times a day (There’s also a 250ml size for 55 bucks Canadian on Sephora if you want to give it a go for less commitment, and that usually lasts for a good two months on its own).

I also use their Overnight Clearing Gel for my acne (also expensive), and I can do without, but do like, their microdermabrasion scrub, which also lasts forever. I also forgot to mention that this is the stuff coming straight from The International Dermal Institute, so they know what they’re doing. 

Others I enjoy:

Klairs: My (relatively) cheap routine if I’m running low on funds for the month. They have a great body-based soap bar if you have body acne (Which I usually don’t, but if I’m doing a lot of beach volleyball in the summer, gremlins in the sand fuck with my skin, I swear to god). 

Innisfree: Great based routines, and if you’re able to actually go to a store to get skin-matched, they have some amazing stores in Australasia. I use their sheet masks often.

Benton: Their aloe vera-based products are amazing for skincare; I use them usually in lieu of a body lotion.

Thayers: Their unscented toner is the only toner I trust, and it’s usually on sale at a drugstore.

Mychelle Cosmetics: As mentioned above, it’s responsible for my daily sunscreen; unfortunately, you can only get it in the States (Which is why I literally have a P.O. box across the border in America where I go to pick it up from because I live about fifteen minutes from the US-Canada border. Seriously, it’s that good).

 MooGoo: As mentioned above.

 Clinique: An oldie, but a goodie. Their skincare routine doesn’t have the same effect on my face like Dermalogica, but if I’m in a financial pinch and need something to hold me over at the mid-point price level, I still turn to Clinique. I still use their gel as my moisturiser, and they now have this new ‘mix and match’ program with Emilia Clarke as their promo-woman. I’ve heard the shade range for the BB cream-based moisturiser is terrible, even for white ladies, but I just got their Oil-Control gel with an ‘uneven skin tone’ top mixed in to address acne-scarring, and I’ve already seen some good results.

 Biotherma: See above.

La-Roche Posay: The routine my dermatologist recommended as a top professor of skincare at a leading hospital related to a university in Australia. It’s very gentle, and their Effaclar another mid-level price routine.

St Ives: If I’m really poor, I go for St. Ives. I don’t use their scrubs, because they use walnut shells on their that can literally rip up your face, but I do like their body wash, body lotion, and they recently released a cleanser with camomile which is calming for the face. It’s not as good as the Dermalogica stuff, but for cheap and for no harsh alcohols or chemicals, plus making a move towards being cruelty-free, I think St. Ives is trying to revamp their brand a bit after that bad press they had concerning #walnutgate. xD

Lush: Another cheaper option (although not really, because Lush usually gauges you for more than you’d pay for a proper Clinique cleanser for a bar of soap/ once you’ve got your full routine together). That being said, I do like their eye cream. I’m in my mid-twenties now, so I’m starting to try to do more preventative skincare.

Mario Badescu: I still use their acne spot treatment if I have a really terrible zit, and it’s gone the next morning.

Other brands I’ve heard good things about:

First Aid Beauty (I want to try their tinted sunscreen for summer)

Supergoop (Apparently their mineral sunscreen is really great for POC, as it doesn’t give the dreaded WHITE CAST)

Shiseido (A classic Japanese brand)

Keihls (Another one I’ve heard great things about but is more expensive)

Ren Clean Skincare (Another skincare brand I want to try).

So hopefully this gives you some ideas to try, nonny, and hopefully this helps someone. xD -shrug-

[purplesurveys]

394

Do you use public transport regularly? I would if it were safer, more efficient, and less crowded. But it’s none of these things, so I resort to driving my own car. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? My girlfriend. Do you usually have time for breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Not this sem, because my classes start at 8:30/9 so I usually go straight to the bathroom for a quick shower and off to the car. I never have time to pick up breakfast, unless my dad is home and packs me food. He usually makes me eggs and hotdogs. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? I’ve never had a job but yeah, they recently shot a movie in my school. Caused a lot of traffic that day but tbh I can’t be mad, the movie’s supposed to be really good (although I haven’t seen it so shame on me). Have you ever gotten an ailment just before you were going on holiday? Ugh I never get sick, my immune system doesn’t have a lot of stories to tell.

What’s your favourite colour of carnation? Light pink. When’s the last time you got to leave work earlier than scheduled? Not work, buuuut my communication research prof always dismisses us early for some reason. Last week he let us go 45 minutes before our scheduled dismissal. Do you play any “getting to know you” type of games with a friend on FB? No, that sounds very 2009. Are the roads basically rock solid frozen slush where you live right now? No snow where I’m from. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? Is there a winter break/half term coming along in your part of the world? No, we don’t get seasonal breaks like that except for summer and that doesn’t come around until May. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? My dog used to, but he’s gotten old and doesn’t really have the energy to go down the steps anymore haha. Still, he’s the first thing I see up the stairs when I get home. Have you had any assignments to finish lately? Yep, I did one before I drove home tonight. How about any long-running group assignments? I finished one last night but my groupmates were shit and I didn’t feel good about that homework at all. Do you have group chats with your friends that make you laugh? Yes, we have one for our friend group. Do you sing or whistle while you work? Sometimes, but it doesn’t last long because 1) I sing terribly, and 2) whistling is loud. Would you ever like a professional kitchen’s dishwasher at home? I’m fine with manually washing dishes tbh. Any exciting or fun plans for the weekend? Not this weekend. I do have to go to a volleyball game that’s required for my PR class, though. Not that I find it exciting. How about for this evening? I just got back home from a laidback date with Gab, so. We had cheap dinner and a study date at a coffee shop. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Hahaha, I don’t play video games. This is Gab’s question to answer. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? I don’t think so, no. What do you like in your omelet? We don’t usually make omelets at home, so when we’re staying at a place that makes omelets (usually a breakfast buffet at a hotel), I ask them to put everything that they have available–cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, bell peppers, whatever else they offer. Do you do anything physically taxing that makes your limbs or back sore? Yeah, I have a shoulder bag that worsens my scoliosis when I have to wear it, cos it only puts a lot of pressure and weight on one side of my body. Does a cat ever randomly jump on your desk and blocks your screen? Does said cat like to climb on your shoulder and kneads your arm? Was today surprisingly sunny where you live, too? It was just sunny, it’s never a surprise. Did you encounter many happy people today? Did it make you happy? Surprisingly no. My org’s hangout space is empty on Tuesdays. I guess people’s schedules are packed on that day. The only people I saw were Laurice, Jane, Jo, Jum, and Kate, and they all were okay, but I wouldn’t call them happy. Has anyone put their freezing cold hands on your body today? Uhhhh nope haha. Has anyone tickled you mercilessly today? No, I would’ve kicked them in the face. Has anyone hugged or kissed you today? Yes, Gabie gave me both :) Aaahahhhhhhh I love her so so so much. When do you normally come on Bzoink? Mmm once a week, cos that’s the only amount of time I get to take surveys these days. Have you had to change clothes more than twice today? Nope, just one constant outfit for today. What’s something that makes you feel confident? Gab giving me boosts. I trust anything she says, so if she says I can do this or I can finish that, I usually will. Do you have any presentations you have to give in the near future? Nah, I don’t think so. Have you ever had a shrove bun? (Look it up, they’re really good!) NO BUT THEY LOOK REALLY GOOD I WANT ONE NOW??????? Do you have time for regular coffee/tea breaks throughout the day? I can’t take coffee anymore dude haaah. I recently ~resigned from coffee, cos I realized that whenever I drink coffee now, I feel more sick than energized to finish work, and I always end up having chest pains now unlike before. I denied it for a long time and kept drinking coffee (and getting sick after) until I finally sucked it up last week. Haven’t had any since. Do your lips or hands go really dry in cold weather? Not really. Do you have any wine or rum in your fridge? Yes. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder when you got that old? Hahahaha yeah I look in the mirror but I don’t necessarily ask myself that. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. I get spurts of enthusiasm here and there, but they always die down quickly. Just three weeks ago I went back to studying Korean but I stopped after two days lol. Are you good at word games and anagrams? Yesssssss I love those. UBWHAECNI ^Give me the longest word you can make out of those letters Beach, china, whine, bench, bunch, cabin. Do you encounter eccentric looking people on a daily basis? In UP? Of course. I love it. Has a song been playing in your head today? What was it? imagine by Ariana Grande. Is there anything at the movie theaters right now that you’d like to see? Alone/Together, but I heard that the trailer is way better than the film itself. I’d see the movie but only if it were someone’s treat haha. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Nah. Do you have candy in your cupboards? We don’t keep candy in the cupboards, but yeah we have some lying around the house. Are you itching to do something else now? Eat, because I suddenly got hungry. Can you hear snoring from somewhere right now? Nope. Has the sun gone down by now? Yes, hours ago. It’s 11:36 in the evening.

[idedicatethisblogtodestiel]

150 for the hella cute questions?

Who was the last person you held hands with?2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy man i hate people3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

JOJO SIWA4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends. im noice but i choose not to hang with people? if that makes sense5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

no one lmao6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

anyone thats not me but also democrat 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nah8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

ryan my friend9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Y E P10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my sister11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

me too lmao 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

idk i dont listen to new songs?????? AAAAAAH 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes unless but not if its in my face14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

LMAO LUCK IS REAL HOW DO YOU THINK DUMB PEOPLE GET FAMOUS?15. What good thing happened this summer?

i dont remember 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

lmao no fuck them17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

UH YEAH...OBVIOUS18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

idek who it was19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes but they are bad for you vag so i dont do it20. Do you like your neighbors?

ew no. 21. What are you bad habits?

i have OCD so i guess my compulsions22. Where would you like to travel?

israel, UK, Poland, Canada, Austrailia23. Do you have trust issues?

YUP24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

coffee25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

stomach then boobs then arms and then pretty much everything else26. What do you do when you wake up?

eat breakfast while watching youtube

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

im ok with it now?28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my parents/siblings29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

yeah lmao30. Do you ever want to get married?

that’s gonna be a no from me dog31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ya32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

team free will, chris’ (evans, pratt, pine)33. Spell your name with your chin.

no.34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play volleyball 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

music. WATCH MUSIC ON THE TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

all the damn time.37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKO....

black curly hair, pun and meme connoisseur, loves dogs, loves horror movies

my aesthetic boy type is: people who look like kurtis conner basically39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

American Eagle, Bath and Body Works, Victoria Secret. But i go into forever 21 to just hate on everything then leave without buying stuff.40. What do you want to do after high school?

im in college now and im majoring in anthropology41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on the severity of the sin/crime42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im seriously traumatized and have shut down.43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah i feel bad if i dont 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outerspace45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact it costs money to live so i have to get up if i want money46. What are you paranoid about?

nothing much anymore I have meds for paranoia now47. Have you ever been high?

no i got asthma48. Have you ever been drunk?

yeah its fun49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no im an average person i dont do weird things50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

green!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

YEAH WTF DOESNT EVERYONE?52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

how i look53. Favourite makeup brand?

tarte or benfit54. Favourite store?

starbucks55. Favourite blog?

animatedtext56. Favourite colour?

GREEEEEEN I ONLY WEAR GREEN AND BLACK57. Favourite food? 

sushi 58. Last thing you ate?

ice cream59. First thing you ate this morning?

i think cereal60. Ever won a competition? For what?

volleyball and county art contest61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

i got expelled for not wearing sleeves when i had self harm scars62. Been arrested? For what?

no63. Ever been in love? 

ya :/64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

too long but it wasnt awkward and it was on the harbor with an emo guy65. Are you hungry right now?

nah im constipated66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont have tumblr friends :////////////67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

no youtube70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Abbey Mell Nikki71. Craving something? What?

to shit tbh72. What colour are your towels?

white and purple and blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? 

embarassing but ya74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

idk i have several stored so im guessing 40-45?75. Favourite animal?

piggies raccoons dogs 76. What colour is your underwear?

white and black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cinnamon, blueberry, bubblegum, chocolate covered strawberries, oreo79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

green80. What colour pants?

black81. Favourite tv show?

S U P E R N A T U R A L

82. Favourite movie?

lots final destination and heathers83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

karen smith86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dont like finding nemo so idk87. First person you talked to today?

my parents88. Last person you talked to today?

my parents SORRY IM LAME89. Name a person you hate?

trump, rosie, loren, danielle, jacob, pence, so many more90. Name a person you love?

my dog remington91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

always92. In a fight with someone?

no93. How many sweatpants do you have?

394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

10????95. Last movie you watched?

greta- not very good96. Favourite actress?

winon ryder97. Favourite actor?

all the chris’ and all of supernatural actors change my fucking mind.98. Do you tan a lot?

never99. Have any pets?

1 dog100. How are you feeling?

sad :/101. Do you type fast?

yep102. Do you regret anything from your past?

MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE103. Can you spell well?

???? like grammar or spell the word well104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

always105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no ive never been invited anywhere i was bullied a lot106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah felt really bad, i rejected someone’s homecoming invite107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah as a baby108. What should you be doing?

homework109. Is something irritating you right now?

everything110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

have you seen my account?111. Do you have trust issues?

yup112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my parents113. What was your childhood nickname?

mosh, moshi, mashalala114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yep to oregon washington hawaii and colorado and poland and germany115. Do you play the Wii?

used to116. Are you listening to music right now?

no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

ye118. Do you like Chinese food?

YE119. Favourite book?

probably beastly i read that so many times and how to ruin your boyfriends reputations120. Are you afraid of the dark?

nah121. Are you mean?

idk122. Is cheating ever okay?

I’d say no123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

NOPE124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

haha no.125. Do you believe in true love?

doubt it but it’s possible126. Are you currently bored?

no127. What makes you happy?

S U P E R N A T U R A L

128. Would you change your name?

probably 129. What your zodiac sign?

gemini130. Do you like subway?

it’s aight131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i wouldnt date a friend132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

sister133. Favourite lyrics right now?

hey hey mama just the way you move gonna make you sweat gon make you move134. Can you count to one million?

i refuse135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i cant my blood hurts136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed137. How tall are you?

5′7″-5′8″138. Curly or Straight hair?

wavy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette orange140. Summer or Winter?

summer141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

october143. Are you a vegetarian?

no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark145. Tea or Coffee?

both!146. Was today a good day?

it’s aigh147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

“they may forget what you did or what you said but never how you made them feel”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yup150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

im too lazy(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)

[mvement]

24/1/22

you know what. ive tried a lot of things. ive practiced, for however short or longer periods, many things. chronologically, ive given one or many tries at capoeira, ballet, acoustic guitar lessons, muay thai, street dances, and now volleyball. ive thought a lot, many and many times, about how i shouldve started doing one of those things earlier and dedicated myself to it, but im not sure i did want that. i mean, maybe i did and lacked the perseverance, but i can't remember. im not sure i cared enough for them, and if i did, well. theres no use in self guilty tripping now. but lately ive been realizing something truly, truly important. as obvious as it might be to anyone else, what's vital when learning or engaging with something new is practice. ive always had it easy with some things; ive never had trouble with grades, for example, even when i barely studied, and always caught up quickly enough whenever i slacked off a little too much. im not sure if this is the cause or only something that goes hand in hand with this next other trait, but i wasn't used to working hard on anything. if i wasn't immediately outstanding at something, id just quit it and think it wasn't for me. it's a little wild, and something ive first noticed probably many years ago, but only more recently - a few years, and every day more than the day before - started to stop taking things this way. something like that narrows your life and experiences in a very expressive way. especially if the things you quit are things you enjoy.

im not an immediate natural in any of the activities i mentioned. so of course, im not naturally outstanding in them either. i cant remember how i was with ballet, how i felt about it overall - i was only four when i started practicing it, and it lasted a year. it was the same with capoiera, but i have a guess i was a little bit scared of it, as i still was - still am, even if significantly less than before - when i first started muay thai (thai boxing, idk what its called outside of here) four years ago.

playing the guitar or any instrument is one of the coolest things in the world a person can have the ability of, honestly. i always liked whenever i mastered a song well enough for it to be recognizable, and i loved playing it, because its such a cool thing. still, i wasnt too keen on the process, and all the songs i actually wanted to learn were so damn advanced too. (muscle memory is, indeed, something a little wicked- i had those classes ten or eleven years ago, and i still remember the chords and everything to the songs i played the most. not relevant to the topic of this rambling, but whatever. who wants to hear me playing banana pancakes by jack johnson)

with muay thai, things were really different by the time i started. i had just realized i absolutely fucking needed physical activities to properly function as a human being. not exaggerating in the slightest - i'm someone else when im not doing anything. it's very, very dramatic. but it’s true. anyways, when i joined my first class on a random day, got in late for the warm up and ended up nearly not walking for a week for the first time because im a little insane and just showed up in that room and tried to keep up with everyone else immediately, it was with the excitement of doing something new and the knowledge that i really needed to do things. after a while, even if i still daydreamed constantly of being a badass and of just quickly escalating to a bruce lee woman reincarnation level, i knew i was enjoying the process. as scary as it was to join those sparring matches my teacher had everyone do, the exhilaration after working so heavily was just that - exhilarating. worth it all. addictive. and god, i was terrified at first. so defensive. with the eminent danger of a punch square to your face, one does that. you’re in there, quickly cornered against the net, and your every move is clumsy and held back, focusing too much on the fact that you’re just scared as fuck. eventually, though, you're taking advantage of a good landing right to your black belt teachers unprotected left temple on instinct. yes im gloating. yes it was one time. shut up. in all seriousness, you do accomplish exciting things. all in all, evolving and seeing change erupt right from and through and in your own body, to witness that with your own eyes and with a sense of wonder at you had just done... it's insane.

it's the compensation that knocks you over sideways for an entire day, and with a continued dawning of reality, you feel it in your whole body that you actually did that.

and im talking short period accomplishments. the day i achieve a black belt level, i will sprint through walls

as for dancing, ive loved it since i was fifteen. i watched that famous upgrade u choreography by willdabeast adams on youtube and i was gone. through there i found one of my favorite dancers, someone with a style that blows my mind every time. it's one of those things i have to work on or i will regret for the rest of my life. i love it dumb, and with my whole body and soul.

volleyball is the most recent of it all. it is actually not even a week since i first practiced it with an actual experienced amateur team. of course it all began not even a month ago when i was elbows deep into haikyuu episodes and just felt like starting yet something else and then asked my friend where she practices volleyball and if i could join. now here i am.

i meant to make this a full circle text with a concise conclusion wrapping things up, but im tired and i already did talk about what i came here to say. practice. its incredible, too, standing in a big court with a tall as fuck net and being initially so terrible at everything. but its because i want to that i keep doing it until i get better. its because of the excitement of just doing it in the first place. it's addictive, the power of doing something you like, of failing so incredibly and still have the will to do it more and more and more. it’s about finding out where life’s meanings are in for you, and realizing dedicating yourself to them is undeniable.

[lemondodie-ig]

hello!

april 13 2017 I created an account called lemondodie, and it turned out to become a source of happiness and pretty much shaped me into a pretty cool person.

I created this account because there were certain things I wished dodie would say, so making this account would make it semi-real. i made this account to spread joy and humor throughout the community, and safe to say, I feel like that’s exactly what I did, whether or not i like my content.

I eventually turned into apricotdodie when I met some amazing people. lou, gabs, b, and cami, I pretty much shared this journey with you guys. and everyone else I have befriended the past year.

so in honor of 1 year, I guess I’m doing 100 facts about myself! I might regret this, I hope I don’t.

(to make this fun, comment how many facts we have in common, highest wins a prize I guess lol)

1.i have a cat

2.my favorite subject is history, despite all the stress and long essays

3.im kinda bilingual? #filipino represent

4.I watched the greatest showman for the first time last night

5.I hate horror movies

6.i like card games

7.i finally got over my crush the other day whoop whoop

8.recently, I’ve been sleeping from 2-4 am lol

9.i watch youtube gamers such as, smii7y, kryoz, fitz, mini, and other people

10.ive talked face to face to a holocaust survivor

11.ive been out of the country 10+ times

12.I’ve been to 10+ states

13.ive been on a cruise to the bahamas

14.i like volleyball but I’m too scared to join the school’s team lol

15.first person I ever binge watched on YouTube ever was wiiriketopray(2012?)

16.I lost a tooth when a fucking bitch pushed me down a slide in kindergarten (im coming for you alex)

17.i still have baby teeth

18.i used to like one direction even tho I didn’t know any of their songs lol fake fan

19.I have an account dedicated to make my school browless

20.I started reading hp in 2016

21.might want to become a pt when I’m older???

22.i like any movie I watch lol

23.i went through a really bad phannie phase and I regret all of it

24.i tend to be a follower rather than a leader

25.i have an obnoxious laugh

26.im pressured into things easily

27.i kinda hate going live bc when ppl don’t watch I automatically think ppl don’t like me lol

28.im very fragile and sensitive

29.i have kissed someone

30.not really religious

31.I get pretty defensive lol

32.ive been playing violin for 5 years

33.j'aime le cours de français mais mes amis sont pénible

34.rapunzel is probs my fav Disney princess

35.i have so much homework this weekend oh my godDdD

36.dodie posted tHIS account on her story and im still not over it

37.i cry at every movie i watch even if its not sad

38.(im v emotional)

39.zendaya;);):):):):)

40.used to love Minecraft lol

41.the flash is literally my shit

42.grant gustin ;):);):):)

43.listening to greatest showman rn

44.fav dodie song is still bitter content lmao

45.actually fav song;;; ???? no clue

46.ive seen pentatonix live

48.ive seen ariana grande live (i don’t even like her that much but it was still so fun)

49.ive known shannon before dodie

50.ive discovered dodie through jon

51.dRuGs (inside joke??)

52.I love wholesome memes

53.i used to do karate

54.i do not like vegetables

55.why is the greatest showman such a bop

56.