#she could literally write a book
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“I look so good he’s sayin’ Amster-DAMN, bro!”-Sabrina Carpenter, emails I can’t send tour
#she could literally write a book#she’s a creative genius there’s no other way to describe it#sabrina carpenter#eics tour#amsterdam#emails I can’t send#nonsense outro
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emily carroll has once again permanently changed my brain chemistry
#i got my hands on her newest book recently and god. GOD#i finished that book and just lay down on the floor for an hour because i had to just absorb it all#it felt like coming out of the theater after watching ATSV for the first time#i was so full of adrenaline and the sheer impact of everything i read was hitting all at once#so perfectly paced so intuitively panelled#it feels so reductive to call myself a comic artist when emily caroll does too#shes so. she's just in an entirely different league#it feels like there should be a different word for her#im so far away from creating anything half as lifechanging as that book was#its so motivating and inspiring but its also like#fuck#FUCK#my work feels so damn juvenile in comparison#emily carroll i owe you my life#i need to rip this book apart (not literally)#i have so much to learn about writing and art#everyone read “a guest in the house” by emily carroll#i hope she gets all the accolades she could ever want or need#god#i need a tattoo of this book#expeditiously
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I love singNsong again reminding people in Side Story that Dokja wanted other people to read TWSA (he wrote reviews and comments! It was his first wish), and he only stopped bothering because people harassed him for it. He didn't gate-keep the story. When he's avoiding talking to Sangah about it at the beginning of ORV, it's because he knows what happens when he tells people about the story, not because he's gate-keeping it from her. He notes he's not proud of his hobby (likely because he's been bullied all through his life, including for reading the thing he loves): he finds it embarrassing to talk about, and better respects her studying Spanish in her free time (learning another language is a generally accepted thing in society). He assumes she won't care or will look at him funny (or worse) for when she learns about the novel he's into.
Basically anyone writing "let's gatekeep ORV" posts because of the anime announcement or because they dislike the manhwa or some other weirdness, y'all are the villains in the scenario.
The literal climax of the story is about sharing ORV with as many people as possible. What story were y'all reading?
#orv#really tired of the stupid gate-keepy bs in some parts of this fandom#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#side story spoilers#it's been quite fascinating seeing novel fanatics come out of the woodwork against potential anime fans#while showing how much they hate the manhwa and manhwa fans too#the only actual official English translation we have is the manhwa#acting like we're all in this together like no#I adore the novel and the manhwa#and folks who started with the manhwa or just happen to also like the manhwa but also like the novel see you for what you are#avoiding talking about something is not gatekeeping#it's often recognizing various social cues#like oh this person probably isn't familiar and I don't care to explain#or I'm worried they'll treat me badly if they know#when you're trying to connect with someone you tend to look for things you share not stuff you don't#if Dokja heard about people trying to gatekeep orv he would be disgusted#also NOT gatekeeping orv is literally the climax of the story I am so deeply confused by people encouraging gatekeeping of it#you're making han suyeong mad#she didn't nearly kill herself writing orv in order to share it to everyone they could find so people could gatekeep it#that is literally the opposite of the goal#it's not bad to ask if folks have read the novel because for a variety of reasons folks may not have#but it is bad to act like reading the novel is a fandom requirement especially given all we have is a fantranslation using MTL#or you must love the novel above others or the novel only#I want singnsong to get fucking rich from this story they shared and which I and many adore#gatekeeping does not make that happen#also good luck getting people to buy the Yen Press novel translation when it comes out when you act like this#the manhwa is available in at least seven languages officially fuck off with this gatekeeping crap#don't get me started how a lot of y'all don't even know what twatf is and a good chunk of y'all who won't even touch it when you do know#and that doesn't exactly bother me but it does bug me when book purists get all high and mighty
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two dudes... sitting in a hot tub stone wolf... souls mingled into one complete being but they're not gay
#fitz and the fool#lmao theyre so gay#has robin hobb recanted yet? she literally wrote this ending#with a callback to the 'no limits on that love' line#did she think that was a heterosexual conclusion to these nine books#i know people on tumblr like to call queer headcanons 'literally canon' and then when you consume the media its like#they talked twice and made eye contact and one of them wears a stylish coat#and so if you haven't read the books but have seen the fandom you might think 'oh so some subtext?'#'theyre friends who have an emotional connection which could feed shippers?'#no#this is textually canon across both their character arcs and the larger themes of the series#reinforced through repeated narrative symmetry and also the fact that they have kissed and confessed their love multiple times#robin hobb is FASCINATING to me like imagine someone writing a story about a guy with 'hair the color of autumn leaves abd foxes'#and then getting mad when people interpret him as anything other than a blond#bestie you WROTE THIS
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I finally finished it!
#I feel like I don’t have to say this but the internet is scary NOT A SHIP!!!#would you guys believe me if I told you I started this earlier October#this scene had me sweating bullets 💀#first time posting art since 2020 pls be nice to me#CAN WE TALK ABOUT UNDIVIDED OMGGGG I WAS NOT OK#honestly Risa shouldn’t be scared she could probably fold Divan in half with those shoulders#I could write an essay about how much Divan creeps me out#something about how gentle he tries to act around the children he’s literally harvesting#sorry I’m slow at drawing#unwind#unwind dystology#bookblr#books#divan umarov#risa ward#Risa
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I'm rewatching Shadow and Bone and I just got to the scene where Alina and Baghra have their first real conversation about Aleksander. The fact that Alina feels like everything new and powerful in her life is tied to him is exactly what he wants, which was why he isolated her from the others by encouraging her to dress in black. I think it's a really wonderful representation of what an abuser does, because he made her feel like all the wonderful accomplishments that she made were actually a gift that he gave to her. Baghra's guilt about her son being pushed away so that she can properly encourage Alina for once instead of just yelling at her is also amazing. It's really important to me that the abused daughter of an eccentric scientist and the victim of a tyrannical dictator get to have that kinship together and I wish more people talked about that.
#shadow and bone#sab#sissy writes too much#alina starkov#baghra morozova#anti darklina#the darkling#anti the darkling#aleksander morozova#alina has literally been through so much at his hand#and she managed to overcome it with so much grace and ferocity#even in the book when she was weak and recovering she still had so much strength#it honestly gave me a lot of faith that I could overcome my own abuse
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if you consider Hermione in the films a Mary sue consider yourself an opp
#edit: don’t take this insanely siriusly it was made because I was annoyed#SHE IS SO FLAWED SHUT UP#yes yes not as flawed in the books yes yes she took some of Ron’s lines but oh my good literally shut up#if I say movie ron was very realistic with the cards he was dealt I’d get burned at the stake probably so I won’t#ron and Hermione were ride or die for him in both the books and movies#Mary sue is also a term not inherently wrong and useful in some writing circumstances but it IS often used in a misogynistic way#I personally find the term kinda stupid but I understand it’s use#I could also yap about the books and the misogyny riddled in each woman character but I won’t rn lol#anti jkr#edit: not THAT flawed compared to her book counterpart but she was NOT a Mary Sue please
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can someone please write this doropetra fashion designer/journalist modern au for me. i spent too long thinking about the devil wears prada today and now i have all the beats mapped out for this story i Do Not have enough time in the world to write.
please help. please. i'll give you everything. all of it. it's all right here. take it. mention me if you swap the names to sell the movie or streaming rights. i just want it to exist.
pitch: dorothea is a hot-nasty fashion mogul and petra is a journalist-turned-reluctant model who captures dorothea's attention (and her heart).
btw this is a Really long post so look out. also i know nothing about the fashion industry and Will Not Learn so don't tell me anything.
setting: various major cities in the USA. NYC, LA, Enbarr (you know, Enbarr, that major city somewhere between florida and texas. we've all been there).
cast
most everybody is in their mid-to-late 20s at the start.
petra: the last journalist with integrity in a world that's actively trying to eliminate journalism as a field. worked her ass off writing listicles and bullshit SEO articles for years until she caught a break and got in with a "Real Publication." she now works her ass off there. unfortunately there's rumors of her team getting laid off due to AI crap so she's stressed af trying to line up her next gig, just in case.
dorothea: hotshot young fashion mogul with a cult of personality around her. was a complete unknown barely out of college when she designed manuela casagranda's absolutely breathtaking met gala dress and her company blew up overnight. now does high-profile lines that are popular with movie star types and bougie social media influencers. notorious for being very, very friendly with her preferred models.
edelgard: petra's finance major/arts minor friend from college and her former roommate. nepo baby with Lots of connections. got petra her first big job writing PR crap for a division of the hresvelg business empire. caused a scandal by getting romantically involved with her TA (byleth) in grad school but they're still together. complains about her PA (hubert) and her lout of a stepbrother (dimitri), both of whom she's constantly texting or otherwise having to corral.
shamir: petra's boss/editor. admires petra's guts and her writing chops, as well as her ambition. somewhat of a mentor to petra, but is absolutely no-nonsense when it comes to work. she's been in this business a long time. there's no fucking around. leonie is another journo on the team. ignatz and linhardt also work with them doing layouts, formatting, and photo/video editing.
manuela: a famous singer from dorothea's hometown who basically adopted dorothea as a protégé after dorothea sent her sketches of designs she'd made. essentially responsible for dorothea's career. they have a bit of a contentious relationship these days as manuela's a bit jealous of dorothea's rising star and because dorothea's been ungrateful in recent years despite how much manuela's stuck her neck out for her. still, she's always there to give dorothea terrible advice when she needs it. her evolving relationship with dorothea is kind of a b-plot.
bernadetta: a reclusive, but well-connected social justice blogger and internet activist. one of petra's good buddies who regularly sends her scoops.
ingrid, ferdinand, sylvain, catherine, felix: models who commonly work with dorothea.
Jeritza: a nobody fashion photographer who thinks he's somebody. he's absolutely awful.
claude and hilda: paparazzi who work for tmz, buzzfeed, whoever will take em. petra thinks they are the scum of the earth. they are.
act 1
we open with petra on yet another bullshit assignment for her crappy job writing articles about things that don't matter. this one is a profile piece about a local fashion photographer, the mononymous Jeritza, who might be somebody someday and seems to think he already is. leonie was supposed to do the article but she flubbed it by offending Jeritza, who now won't give her the time of day, so shamir asks petra to please step in last-minute. petra's mad, but she gets her hustle on and goes anyway. it's not like she can be too picky with gigs in this economy.
by the time she gets to the shoot, she's late, and Jeritza is throwing a tantrum. the model isn't working out. Jeritza cannot work in these conditions. Jeritza fires the model and is about to freak the fuck out when petra walks in the door. oh, Jeritza says. i can work with you. petra did NOT sign up to be a model, has never wanted to be a model, has no interest in this whatsoever. but let's be real: it is a great angle for the piece. this could get clicks. shares, even. so she does it.
the shoot is a massive success, which is to say Jeritza is delighted with the results, but as it's just for a local streetwear company, the impact on culture is negligible. petra writes her article, which gets some attention due to the very funny portrait it paints of the histrionic artiste that is Jeritza. it's not much buzz, but it's just enough buzz to get shared around in fashion circles—enough for it to wind up in dorothea's inbox, courtesy of manuela. "Thought of you!! XD XD This is so funny!!" manuela writes. dorothea replies "lol" and is about to move on with her day when she decides to give the article a courtesy skim and scrolls down far enough to see the pictures.
oh. who is that model?
a few days later, petra's out at a bar getting drinks with edelgard and bitching about life when she gets a call from an unknown number. she figures it's probably spam, but they leave a voicemail. the transcription mentions it's from a dorothea arnault, whoever that is. edelgard almost shits a brick. DOROTHEA ARNAULT? you need to call her back. right now. petra's like okay jeez, i will. what's the big deal. edelgard facepalms. she forgot that petra doesn't follow fashion even a little bit ("isn't the gucci, like, the area between your butthole and your—?" "no petra it is not"). embarrassing for her, but there's no saving some people.
edelgard briefs her on the arnault situation. dorothea's studio is huge right now. edelgard's family business has been sponsoring some of her recent fashion shows and everybody who's anybody is trying to get an arnault outfit for their next event. while dorothea's very popular on social media, she's very tight-lipped about her private life. a profile on her could be a huge break for petra.
okay, petra thinks, what the fuck, okay. i'll call her back.
dorothea picks up on the fifth ring. uh-oh: she sounds hot.
hel-looo, miss macneary, she says, it's nice of you to pick up the phone. i saw that little article you wrote recently. you're sooooo funny. [her voice is sweet and smooth like butter. she sounds like she's twirling her hair as she talks. she doesn't say how she got petra's number. petra doesn't think to ask.] and those photos of you... my, my. you're quite the looker, aren't you? and you don't even model professionally? that's a terrible shame. you'd do well, you know. i'm in berlin right now but i'll be in enbarr's fashion district on tuesday afternoon. why don't you come by the studio? we're doing a shoot for some designs i'm releasing soon... a secret summer collection. oops, i shouldn't have told you about that, should i? well, i'm sure i can trust you to keep my secret. and maybe i could even trust you to write something nice about me? i think they'd suit you, you know, these new pieces i've got. if you have any interest in trying your hand at modeling again, i'd love to see you in them. 11 o'clock. ciao!
petra gets a handful of words in edgewise. most of them are yes. she keeps her phone held to her ear for too long after dorothea hangs up. she wishes she'd been sober for this conversation. she's not really sure what she just agreed to. she doesn't want to forget the sound of that voice.
she shoots a text to shamir. edelgard buys her a shot the instant she steps back into the bar.
tuesday comes and petra's nervous. she packed and repacked for this. checked twenty-five times that she brought her tape recorder and her good camera. arnault is gonna think that camera's a joke, but it is what it is. she's trying to play it cool, hyping herself up the whole time she's on the train. it's gonna be fine. just keep the tape rolling. write the profile. she doesn't have to model, she can just do what she does best. listen. pay attention. write honestly. move on.
sure.
if petra thought dorothea sounded hot, she's wholly unprepared for how hot she is in person. she's spellbinding. drop-dead gorgeous. positively unreal. and on top of that, she's so charming. she's graceful. smart. funny. flirty. and she keeps touching her—little touches on her hand, her arm. chaste things. friendly things. things that could be accidents.
she's exactly petra's type.
but petra is a journalist with integrity, dammit. she's going to be professional. and to her credit, she is professional. arnault makes it hard, but she manages. she blends in, listens, stays focused, stays out of the way. the model's cute—ingrid something-or-other. she can't remember but she got it on the tape recorder. told petra her instagram handle like six times, too, so she won't have any trouble finding her. the shoot is almost wrapped when dorothea asks if petra would be interested in modeling for her. she's not at all offended when petra politely declines. she poses when petra asks to take her photo for the profile. thanks her for coming out and talking to her. says goodbye with a polite handshake and that dazzling smile. she thinks about that smile and that touch throughout the whole train ride home.
skip ahead to friday. petra is working on the story and transcribing the audio recording when she gets a text from dorothea. so lovely meeting you on tuesday [heart emoji] [kiss emoji] [heart emoji] i know it's last minute, but the final pieces of the summer collection are coming in tomorrow and i think you'll like them for your profile. i'll fly you up tomorrow morning to meet me at my studio in manhattan, unless you're busy, of course~
petra is not busy tomorrow. shamir is considering opening a new style division of their publication.
the flight is the train ride but worse. keep the tape rolling, macneary. listen. pay attention. write honestly. move on.
she's resolute. committed. her resolve doesn't waver even when she gets off the plane, ready to call an uber, and there's a guy in a suit with a sign that says MACNEARY on it. it doesn't waver when the guy stops her and says no, he's not looking for another macneary, he's here for her, courtesy of ms. arnault. it doesn't waver throughout the ride—the chauffeured ride, in a fancy car, just her and the guy—from jfk through the streets of nyc, seeing the skyline she's only ever known from movies and on tv. it doesn't waver when she's escorted into a skyscraper in the garment district and guided up to the floor where ms. arnault is waiting for her.
it wavers when she sees her. when dorothea says her model couldn't make it that day and she could really, really use petra's help, it falls completely.
you can guess how the rest of that trip goes. petra barely remembers it herself. she gets back home to enbarr, trying to recover from the whirlwind week she's had by doing what she does best—working. she can scarcely believe any of it was real. she has to believe it when she gets back to her shithole apartment, sets to the task of transcribing the audio from her tape recorder, and realizes it was rolling the whole time.
the whole time.
and there's absolutely no denying any of it after dorothea sends her the photos for her review.
you look so good in these, she tells petra when she sends her the first photoset. i think you look better out of them, she says when she sends the second.
petra considers her options. considers freaking out. considers not replying. considers moving to australia. she considers and reconsiders and does none of those things.
what she does do is send dorothea the audio recording. dorothea sends her some photos of her own.
they meet up again in LA on the day the profile drops.
act 2
if that first week was a whirlwind, the summer is a hurricane. petra's being lauded for the quality of her profile on dorothea, as well as for being the only member of the press who can get close to ms. arnault. it's borderline scandalous, how she's also modeling the summer line despite not even being a real model. it's a thinly-guised affair—almost completely un-guised when their flirting gets a little too overt during a show in tokyo. who cares. petra's entranced. dorothea takes her everywhere, her personal reporter, lavishing her with gifts, showing her the world. she's keeping her busy between all this travel and all this passion. they go to show after show, shoot after shoot; petra works her ass off, keeping the tape rolling, listening, paying attention. so what if she doesn't have time to answer shamir's texts right away the way she normally would. the website's getting more traffic than it ever has, carried by petra's inside scoop on the world of dorothea arnault. shamir can cut her a break.
and she's surprised by how much she likes dorothea. how much she likes spending time with her. dorothea's all the things petra thought she was: glamorous, bubbly, charismatic. but she's also so brilliant, so hard-working, busting her ass every single day of her life. and she's sweet, too. she lavishes petra with attention, gives her all kinds of little gifts and things—nothing too expensive as to make petra uncomfortable (the jetsetting is bad enough as-is), but small, practical things she actually likes and could use. she asks petra about herself almost as often as petra asks questions about her. it's not petra's job to talk beyond getting the conversation flowing, to put more of herself into the discussion than there needs to be to get dorothea to open up. she's here to listen. to pay attention. write honestly and move on.
but she's finding she doesn't really want to move on.
one night they're hanging out in dorothea's fancy hotel room eating room service and drinking wine when dorothea makes a crack about how little petra knows about fashion. petra admits that she really didn't intend to get into it, that it just kind of happened. that what she really wants to do is investigative work, writing about events, exposing corruption, that sort of thing. no offense to dorothea! it's been fun doing this, don't get her wrong, but she's got goals, other things she wants to do—once dorothea gets tired of her, she jokes. sort of jokes. dorothea laughs. she smiles at her and asks why she wanted to be a journalist.
and petra's honest again. honest like she hasn't been before. she tells her a little about her childhood, her family life. about growing up in brigid (you know, the country on planet earth) and moving to enbarr as a teenager after her father died. seeing her super-smart, brilliant mother and grandfather go from these auspicious jobs in their home country to shitty ones that just barely pay the bills here, all in the name of long-term security. how they taught her to work hard and always act with integrity, no matter what she's doing. she tells her about the struggles of learning a new language, how it made her become a good listener, how she fell in love with writing because it gives her time to think about her words, to express herself the way she wants to. she wanted to be a journalist to speak for those who can't raise their voices loud enough on their own.
dorothea smiles at her the whole time she's talking. petra's not used to being on this side of the table, to being listened to like this. she almost doesn't know how to handle it; she's apologizing, feeling embarrassed for having said so much, but dorothea says don't be sorry. that's beautiful. she's lucky to have such wonderful people in her life who love her and support her. and she likes hearing petra talk.
things are different after that night.
act 3
the start of the Drama Arc. the summer's coming to an end. petra and dorothea are still spending so much time together, jetsetting around the world. petra's working on a piece that's a backstage look at the arnault company's leadup to milan fashion week. the stress is getting Real and the cracks are starting to show. petra's missing deadlines, blowing off shamir, blowing off edelgard, blowing off her family. she's barely in enbarr these days, jetlagged to hell, lost between time zones. her pal bernadetta reaches out and says hey, there's something Big i'm working on that i could use help digging into, can you give me a hand? petra says sure, i'll take a look. she doesn't. she forgets somewhere between london and são paolo.
things are still hot between her and dorothea, but she's starting to see the cracks in her, too. she's getting to see more of her, more of what lies beneath all that glam and bubbly personableness. you don't go from being a nobody to a mogul in your 20s by being nice, and what petra slowly discovers is that dorothea isn't just not nice, she is ruthless. she's nonstop, working her ass off, and anyone who can't keep up with her gets left behind. she hints at her past sometimes: at her shitty childhood, at growing up in poverty, at being orphaned, at having spent years in foster care. but she never opens up. she's 100% focused on the future, and it's all she wants to talk about. dorothea wants to live her dreams, yes, but more importantly, her goal is self-preservation.
petra finds this out when they're at a shoot one day. petra's off to the side, fucking with her piece of shit camera when who storms up to her but ingrid, and she's pissed as shit. she chews petra out. calls her an asshole. says she stole her job. asks what the fuck is wrong with her, doing that while posting her articles, publicly announcing to the world that she never even wanted to be a model. petra's floored. she doesn't even know what she's talking about. she asks ingrid to start over.
that "second date" of theirs in manhattan, way back when? turns out dorothea was telling the truth when she said her model couldn't make it that day. ingrid was supposed to be modeling. she was dorothea's #1 for ages. she'd just come off back-to-back-to-back shoots when she got sick, really sick. stuck-in-shanghai-and-probably-not-going-to-be-able-to-board-a-flight-to-manhattan-tomorrow sick. she told dorothea so, said she'd try her best. dorothea said not to bother and didn't call her again.
it'll happen to you, too, ingrid tells petra, once you aren't useful to her. you're giving her all this press now, but if you ever do anything else, she'll drop you like she drops everyone else.
ingrid storms off, leaving petra standing there, holding her stupid camera. she looks at dorothea, standing across the room, running the show, correcting this and that, getting everything perfect, exactly the way she wants it. petra looks at her and wonders. wonders what would happen if she wrote something dorothea didn't like. if somebody new caught her eye.
they get dinner that night and it's tense. dorothea's stressed. she's carrying on about this and that, talking about the shoot, texting and responding to emails, slamming back glass after glass of wine. petra's quiet, letting her talk. too quiet, apparently, because dorothea eventually takes her head out of her phone and asks her what's up. nothing, petra says, just thinking about everything going on, about the shoot today. dorothea rolls her eyes. i know, she says; on top of everything else, ingrid was there, and she wanted to have a whole conversation with me, like i wasn't busy and like she didn't fuck me over the last time i saw her. she texted me earlier, too. the audacity of this bitch, she gripes, going back into her phone, still mad. a little later into dinner, manuela calls and dorothea answers it; she's bubbly and sweet, all hi how are you omg it's been so long, i miss you, sorry i've just been so busy~ i've gotta go but we'll catch up soon. she hangs up and shoots petra a look. she's so needy, dorothea says, laughing. petra tries to laugh too and can't quite manage.
they're still going everywhere together in the leadup to milan fashion week, and petra's still working on the piece, but she's feeling a little gross and she's quieter than ever. she lets herself believe that maybe it's fine, maybe it's okay, maybe she's not really that cold and ruthless. but then dorothea shows her one day.
everything's been going wrong: there's equipment stuck in customs, marketing materials haven't been delivered from the printers yet, the studio they rented for pre-shoots is double-booked. then a model's late to the shoot and another one is complaining and dorothea is done, so done. she fires them on the spot, gets on the phone and calls two new ones who will get the job done and done without question. petra's quiet. listening. paying attention. keeping the tape rolling as dorothea justifies herself aloud, without prompting. don't judge me, she says. i do what i have to do, and everyone else should, too. i know no one is going to take care of me. i've got no reason to take care of anyone else.
she's a mess all night. angry. stressed. shutting herself off. petra's seen her get like this a few times, but this is the worst it's ever been. she's in her phone all night. practically snaps at petra when she asks if she can help her with anything. shrugs away from petra's touch.
they go to bed and petra barely sleeps. she just lies awake, thinking. thinking about dorothea. thinking about herself. thinking about how she's been blowing off her friends, her family, her boss. thinking about how swept up she's been in all this crazy stuff she doesn't even really care about, putting off her own career. feeling guilty about ingrid. feeling guilty about blowing off shamir and bernadetta. worrying about who she's become around this woman. wondering what happened to her integrity.
fashion week goes great. flawlessly. petra heads back to enbarr afterward. she's almost ready to publish her piece, but she's gotta make up with shamir first. she apologizes. says she's so sorry. sorry for blowing her off. sorry she missed her deadlines. shamir is pretty fucking done with her and has told her as much already, but petra's earnest, and her piece is ready, and she wants to give the girl one more shot. she tells petra alright, i'll forgive you, but i need this piece tonight or we're done. i can't keep waiting on you and your schedule.
okay, petra says, you'll have it tonight.
she's worried. nervous. there's so much on her mind. the piece is ready but it's not going to make dorothea happy. she wants to call her first. she tries and gets her voicemail. tries again. nothing. texts her instead, a few times. hey, she writes, i need to talk to you. call me when you get the chance. it's about the profile. it's important. i'm on a deadline.
nothing. the hours are ticking by. she calls her. texts her. it's really important, dorothea. i need you to talk to me. please.
nothing.
petra's left wondering. wondering what to do. whether she should hit send on this email or hold off. wondering what she wants out of this.
and what is this, anyway? a summer fling? are they dating? girlfriends? they've never put a name on anything. do they have a future? can petra even think about building a future with someone she doesn’t trust to keep her along if she ever should need help? maybe dorothea’s hot and smart and maybe she’s got incredible drive but if she doesn't share petra's values, if she’s not going to be able to live for more than herself, and be true to herself, can petra accept that? does dorothea even know herself well enough to be able to be authentic?
time runs out and petra sends her piece to shamir. dorothea leaves her on read.
the piece is published. it's a huge hit, and not just in fashion circles, because it's a perfect portrait of dorothea arnault, and who doesn't love a biography of a wunderkind. it's honest. it's real. it talks about everything: her light, her darkness, the ups and the downs of being with her. it's raw. personal. revealing. it's all her brilliance and all her evils, captured in the way only someone who really loves her could do.
when it drops, petra expects dorothea to call and rip her a new one. she doesn't expect her not to call at all. but dorothea's radio silent. a few days later, some dickhead paparazzi petra has the misfortune of knowing (hilda and claude) send her a picture of dorothea in LA, running around with some red-headed douche (ferdinand).
sorry, dorothea texts her eventually. i've been soooo busy. i've missed you, but we'll catch up soon.
sure, petra writes, knowing they won't. i'll see you soon, she writes, knowing it's goodbye.
act 4
petra goes back to her career. back to her friends. crashes on edelgard's couch for a while. spends time with her family. starts addressing the connections she fucked up, fixing things with shamir, trying to gain momentum again. despite the profile on dorothea being such a success, it takes a long time for her to get back on her feet. but it's okay, 'cause if she's busy, she doesn't have to think about her.
months go by. every couple of nights, dorothea drafts a text to petra and deletes it.
it's february now, which means new york fashion week is here, and although petra is branching into investigative stuff nowadays, shamir calls in a favor and asks her to help cover it. petra knows she might see dorothea there. knows it’s a risk. decides she’s gonna be so strong and brave, and she can’t really afford to pass it up anyway because it’s a big career opportunity, a chance to revisit fashion after her profile last year. so she goes.
and they see each other. and nothing happens. they don't even say hello.
but that night, when petra’s in her hotel room, spiraling, dorothea calls her. she's in a hotel up the street. she asks petra to come over. for all her sense, her morals, her logic, petra is no more than a lesbian, so she says yes.
they don't talk. they jump right to making out sloppy style and fucking nasty and holy shit, it’s just like it was when they first met: hot and intense and so good, so perfect. except it’s not, it’s not, because this isn’t going to work out no matter how much they want it to, and they both know it. they get into a big fight after dorothea makes a crack about the profile and petra loses it. she puts dorothea on blast for being such a piece of work, saying she can’t ever be with her no matter how much she wants to because dorothea won't ever put someone else first and she’ll never figure out how to be anything other than alone.
then petra drops another bomb. over the past few months, she's made up with bernadetta, and it turns out that the big scoop bernie uncovered is about exploitative business practices a certain scummy fashion company engages in. a certain scummy company that dorothea's company is partnered with. said company's dealings wouldn't get their business partners in legal trouble, but public perception would certainly change. she's been working on an exposé about it. she's going to release it soon. really really soon. like as soon as she gets back to enbarr.
dorothea looks like she's been hit by a truck. she begs petra not to release the story about the company. it’s going to fuck her brand. she'll be ruined. she offers petra whatever she wants. gets nasty, even, defensive. then she fucking breaks. she doesn’t fully open up, but it’s the closest she’s ever come to doing it. she says she's sorry, sorry for hurting her, sorry for shutting her out, sorry she cut and ran like she always does when she might catch feels, when she might be vulnerable for once. she says she's sorry and she asks her please, please, not to release the story.
petra doesn’t give her an answer. she just goes back to her hotel.
once she gets back, she doesn't sleep. she stews for ages, pacing, going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. act with integrity and drop the story as-is. don’t drop the story and protect the person she cares about, in spite of herself. amend the story so maybe dorothea won’t catch heat...? no, that wouldn’t be acting with integrity either. she can’t win either way.
and dorothea’s having a think, too, which is to say she’s a fucking WRECK. realizing how bad she’s fucked up her life. realizing that petra liked her for her. wanted to get to know her for more than her name and her money and her connections. told her things about herself she didn’t even realize were true. and she hurt her at every single turn. for the first time in her life, she had a chance at something real with a good person who really loved her and she fucking blew it. there’s so much dissonance as she tries to defend her own actions to herself and can’t because petra’s wormed her way into her head, the only person who ever Really questioned her, the only person who ever made her question.
she's always figured things out alone. she's always had to figure things out alone. this time, though, dorothea's not sure she can handle it. so she does the only thing she can think to do: she goes to manuela with her tail between her legs. manuela's a little pissy at first as dorothea's been blowing her off for a while now, but she's also worried, because dorothea has never come to her like this. not once. and she's offered for her to, a lot.
when manuela hugs her, dorothea breaks. she ugly-cries into manuela's arms. tells her how bad she's fucked up. how much she hates herself. how sorry she is for being a dickhead when manuela's only ever wanted to be there for her. manuela comforts her. chastises her for being an asshole, yeah, but shores her up, too. tells her if she's really sorry, she'll figure out how to change. tells her that she's there for her, and she'll keep being there for her, so long as she tries. dorothea's blown away. she thought she'd lost her shot at having love in her life, but she was too blind to see there are other types of love she's been shutting herself away from, too.
dorothea leaves manuela's, still feeling like shit, but with plans to get lunch or at least call each week, and with the promise that she's going to do better, be better.
she makes an effort, too. she cuts ties with the skunks. changes her business practices. starts being more charitable, less ruthless, less aggressive. it’s a slog and it sucks and she’s bad at it but fuck she’s going to try. even if petra never takes her back, even if petra just thinks dorothea’s trying to cover her own ass again and protect herself from the impact of the story, it doesn’t matter. she’s going to be better. she’s going to try to do things right, because someone believed in her, someone thought she could be better. and she’d never thought so highly of herself, never thought she could be more until petra came into her life and saw the potential in her.
petra releases the story a week or so later, unrevised. she texts dorothea before she does. says she’s sorry. dorothea says it’s alright. she understands.
the story drops and it’s a clusterfuck. an absolute PR disaster. the scummy company folds overnight. a bunch of related fashion companies, including dorothea’s, are in huge hot water. dorothea’s on the press circuit, doing damage control. petra’s watching an interview with her, listening to her spouting off her PR beats. fully expecting dorothea is going to deny everything, throw everyone she can under the bus to keep her shit afloat. so she just about has a heart attack when dorothea admits she’s fucked up. admits she made the wrong decisions, did stuff she knew was scummy. takes accountability. is honest for once. honest in a way petra didn’t think was even possible for her.
dorothea outlines her plans for how she’s going to be better, the changes her company’s making, how things are going to be different. says she’s making a commitment. if it all folds, so be it. at least she’ll be able to sleep at night.
because capitalism is the way it is, the company doesn’t go under. they’re in the red for a while and the "Controversies" section of her wikipedia page is now significantly longer, but the news cycle goes on and consumers forget and a few months later, pieces from dorothea’s summer line are all the rage with the kids on tiktok. petra’s more than a little bitter about it, but mostly she doesn’t give it any thought. she did her part. wrote honestly. spoke the truth. kept her integrity. she’s become a big name since that scoop, too, with her career really taking off. she's writing books and shit, appearing on tv, what have you, doing the investigative work she's always dreamed of doing.
she’s in london one night on the final leg of a press tour, sitting in her hotel room, when she gets a call.
it’s dorothea. she’s in london too. would petra like to get brunch tomorrow?
yeah she would. bitch loves a mimosa.
they get brunch and it’s tense. they try small talk but don’t really know what to talk about. dorothea makes it more awkward by cracking a joke about petra writing an article about her after this brunch and petra only kind of laughs.
but then dorothea apologizes. earnest. honest. like she’s never been with petra. tells her she’s sorry. tells her how she changed her life and made her think about herself differently, made her think she could be a better person. made her Want to be a better person. convinced her it’d be worthwhile to try. and she has. she’s made so many steps since they last saw each other. doing better. living kinder. living true. says she doesn’t expect anything from petra at all. just wanted to say sorry, and thank you for seeing the best in me.
petra says you’re welcome.
dorothea pays for brunch and they go their separate ways. dorothea holds it together until she gets to her hotel room and then she loses it, bawling her eyes out like she has never ever done, like she’s never let herself do. but it’s okay. she loves petra, that hot journo with the cute accent and more morals than sense, but dorothea knows she doesn’t deserve her, and she’s going to be okay with that. she’s going to live better anyway, for herself, because she’s worth it.
act 5
a year and a half goes by before dorothea and petra run into each other at a formal Thing. they talk, cordial, business-like, just catching up. dorothea makes a crack about the tmz photos of petra with three or four different high-profile supposed gfs over the past year and a half, calling her a heartbreaker. petra laughs, a real laugh. says dorothea's one to talk. asks if she's been keeping up with her? how often does she google her? dorothea says she does it more often than she'd like to admit. petra blushes, laughs again, flattered.
she asks if dorothea's been breaking more hearts lately herself and dorothea says nah. she's been focusing on her business. she's got this non-profit going now too, and it's been taking off. just landed some pretty big investments that will bring arts programs to schools that don't have funding for them. she looks proud of this. she is. she's actually spending more time doing that these days than her fashion stuff, which makes her a little sad, but it's not so bad because it's given her a bit of a mystique: the designer whose work was once Everywhere, now dropping limited release lines every few seasons instead of keeping up with the fast fashion whirlwind. it's different but it's good. she likes it. she's happy.
petra says she's glad to hear that. that she's happy for her. makes a reference to the new line dorothea's rumored to be dropping this fall. dorothea's eyes almost pop out of her head. you know about that? yeah, petra says, i google you. she's known about the non-profit, about everything dorothea's been telling her about. she's a journalist. she likes knowing things. but she likes knowing about her. knowing that she's doing well. and it's really good now, knowing that she's happy. she tells dorothea she's happy for her. that she's proud of her. that she knew she could do it.
dorothea doesn't cry. just says thank you. she gets called away by somebody else, and petra does too, pulled in the opposite direction. dorothea thinks about hugging her first. almost touches her hand. elects not to. says it was good to see her. then they're both whirled elsewhere and they don't see each other again.
but that night when dorothea's in her hotel, she gets a text. it's from petra. would she like to get coffee tomorrow?
FIN
#fe3h#fire emblem#doropetra#dorothea arnault#petra macneary#sterge.rtf#journalist x fashion designer au#long post#thinkin about them girls#wish i could do this idea justice#i just wrote an edeleth fic and Need to get back to hpnd as i miss those fellas#plus there's the matter of old man clod who is the albatross around my neck at this point#but now i've got this doropetra situation on the brain and it's gonna be the death of me.#apologies to arrow and caller as i literally vomited this entire au at them this morning#copy and pasted chunks of this from discord bc i'm lazy and spent Too Fucking Long writing this up anyway#might write the first part as a one-shot for funsies#i like exploring the ruthless side of dorothea. the side of her that is focused wholly on self-preservation#yeah she's funny and flirty and sweet but she's also Very Aware of how the world works and Will get what she wants out of life#also love petra's determination and drive. her self-sacrificing nature#her integrity and her commitment to doing the right thing even if it's devastating for her personally#as y'all will eventually find out in hpnd i'm a sucker for a journalist#but even if i had time i could not be arsed to learn enough about the fashion industry to do this justice#realistically this is far enough departed to be its own book but what do i care. i'm not gonna end up actually writing the thing anyway
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The new Legend of the Condor Heroes is great fun. But it is Not for newcomers, I’m not even sure it’s a drama, they are going HAM with the pacing — absolutely speed running two generations of backstory, adoption, brotherhood, blinding, vendettas, poisonings, misunderstandings, master killing, revenge vows, invasion and wife snatching…400 miles per hour of story beats in like the first 5-10 mins — not even Guo Jin’s life in Mongolia was covered! They get to the mainland in 15 mins! Rong’er immediately lays her head on Guo Jin’s shoulder the second she revealed herself as a woman on the boat! This is the most bizarre pacing???!?! This is setting up zero relationships between key characters and not building up personal identity to be conflicted with upbringing v heritage so unable to juxtapose the protag’s loyalties between the Mongolian grasslands and Song China at a later juncture? There is simply no way for a normal person to follow the story at the rate of 30 characters being introduced within the first 30 mins? I am getting whiplash—
#legend of the condor heroes#this is literally only watchable if you already like Condor Heroes and are insane enough to watch/ read every adaption since the 50s#plus side - MUCH better Guo Jin than 2017#down side - there is simply no way to even see Yang Kang as even a little bit sympathetic#like that man is unsalvageable - to think Mu Nianci could even consider him would make her appear utterly rancid as a person herself#without time and downtime to spend with these character makes key individuals appear shallow and really quite blaise about everything#Guo Jin himself works however!!!#really quite well!!!#I am not warming up to this Rong’er however#really despise whatever they did to Mu Nianci#in the books she was literally a prize to be won and yet that character had so much dimension and interiority#but in this version they failed that writing so she really is just this voiceless prize for a man to win#she literally just says nothing and stands around about her own life and marriage?#that’s Not Nianci.#and since they skipped right up to the Yang Kang fight without seeing her in context she appears weak#instead of quite the talented fighter she is supposed to be
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Heard about TK wanting to write WW for 100 issues and do a Trinity spinoff?
Yeah.... that's the word on the street 😔
To be honest with everybody though, I don't think he's hitting 100 issues. I think Tom King THINKS he will be writing 100 issues of WW comics, but I'm very skeptical. Like it's true he got pretty close to 100 issues when he was writing Batman, but that was during Rebirth, when comics were being published twice a month. At a normal monthly pace, 100 main title issues works out to be a bit over EIGHT YEARS. Even with specials and annuals and possible events (or the Trinity spinoff) compressing that timeline, there's still no way in my mind that Tom hits 100 issues in any less than five years. He spent three on Batman. You know, Batman, his #1, the guy he has to bring up every issue? Do we really think he's going to spend over twice as long on Diana?
Like personally I'm just not convinced that Tom King cares enough about Wonder Woman to write her for that long. Like I think he likes her, and I think he thinks she's cool, but reading his book he seems to love to put the focus anywhere except on Diana. Like all the narration is done by the villain (meaning we don't get Diana's actual thoughts on any of this) and the backup are all TK's audition to write supersons (so we're losing page space that could be utilized to develop the current narrative in favor of possible future stories with no plot relevance)
Like idk. Tom King is talking the talk and I think he has the power at DC currently to walk the walk if he really wants to do it and his hype squad keeps sales high, but he hasn't convinced me so far with his work that he has it in him to see out so many issues of Wonder Woman, especially when Diana finally defeats the Sovereign, and if Trinity gets her own book, like what is he going to do with his remaining 80 issues? Actually telling WW stories?
It seems to me from what I've read of his WW and interviews abt it is that this "100 issues of Wonder Woman" thing is coming from his opinion that Diana deserves a 100-issue run, rather any great, passionate love for Diana that would actually motivate him to write her for that long.
So anyways, my stance is that if he's really putting in a long one (however long it may be) we just hope for the best, (Diana getting her narration boxes back and being central in her own story again, Trinity getting booted back to Themyscira to be forgotten raised offscreen, etc.) and try to make the most & wait it out
#idk i could talk more abt this but ive already talked a lot so idk#think tom king is really wanting to be pérez here (p sure i read him saying as much in an interview) but instead i predict it ending up as#more of a WML type run (just with much better art)#idk idk. worried that were going to have the Sovereign stuff take forever and ever which is super annoying to me. i literally hate him so#much. not even in a fun way like i want diana to beat the shit out of him and get him out of my comics books permanently like yesterday#also worried that hes going to try and have baby trinity be a part of the narrative. as in a diana raising her type way. like if baby#trinity gets kidnapped and she has to get her back like ok fine but think theres a possibility king hits a wall when it comes to like diana#actually being her mother. bc like diana is one of if not the busiest superhero in the dcu shes got major shit to do and no partner or#stability to actually take care of a baby while still being wonder woman. plus she has an entire island nation that would (and has!) take#that child in in an instant. so like pls go with that and not try and juggle plates and do the former#esp bc having trinity be raised on the island basically cancels out the diana's kid stuff. like not bio related not being raised like thats#just a relative homie#idk#anyways calling it now hes falling short of the hundo. hope im not proven wrong here#or that maybe one day tk wakes up with a miraculous ability to write great wonder woman stories. id be cool with that too. we take good news#here too folks#blah
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hrgh every time I think I've come close to forgiving lance fucking parkin I skim the gallifrey chronicles. and then I remember the Horrors.
#listen bc when I read through and play around with AHistory I'm inclined to enjoy and respect his work as a curatative fan historian#but his actual prose writing#it. it beggars belief it truly does it's just atrocious#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#everyone in the EDA discord who thinks father time is the worst of it oh boy babes the worst is absolutely yet to come#like I get *why* they gave him the last book of the line because he does (mostly) know his lore extremely well#so it kind of makes sense that he'd be picked to wrap up all the myriad loose ends#and also he's well liked and afaik pretty personable unlike some fuckers I could name and didn't spend years burning bridges#but oh my god oh my god literally everything to do with Fitz and Trix is just. awful. terrible.#guy who absolutely does not understand or respect any of the three of that team TARDIS but especially Fitz#also The Thing With Sam#never happened fuck you lance#also given just how many asspats he gives himself over his command of the lore he fucking got Sam's middle name wrong?!#also it's soooo obvious how much he loves Anji because she's a Capitalist GirlbossTM#he really does not grasp her character development or personal arcs but he thinks he's killing it#like she *is* a Capitalist GirlbossTM but that's not all she is but he's not actually interested in her interiority at all#he just enjoys that she's a fiscal conservative#god the fact that trading futures is the literal very next book after Anachrophobia#one of the best books in the series that explicitly calls out Anji's pro-capitalism stance using time-war-for-profit played for utter horro#immediately followed by...almost the exact same premise but Zany RompTM#it's not that capitalists misusing time travel for profit is inherently bad it's just *these guys* who suck#no lesson is learned! then you fucking get to the fucking gallifrey chronicles and Fitz actually deciding that this very same scheme#'wasn't perhaps unethical' just because it's Trix and Anji doing it#like yeah sure Anji and Trix can have a little insider trading. as a treat. but that is literally the definition of unethical lol#the only reason time traveling to acquire stock tips isn't massively illegal is because it's not fucking real like??#of-fucking-course it's unethical you walnut#parkin you smug annoying self-obsessed lore-obsessed pregnancy-obsessed just barely-plausibly deniably not homophobic asshole#I'm avoiding even bringing up the actual beef with TGC because first of all everyone fucking knows but also it's just.#it's such a goddamn shit awful trainwreck#if parkin wasn't a Fitz-hating homophobic coward he would've ended the gallifrey chronicles the same way he ended the dying days. wink.
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[What Could Have Been]
After the unfortunate reveal of what kind of person Wilbursoot was, I was unsure whether or not to post this, but I've decided to. Here is my outline for the beginning of a fanfic I was writing...
Note: Everything under the cut was written before Wilbur was exposed for being an abuser, as well as some of the tags
A Modern-Vampire!AU involving SBI and a few other people.
Techno is an aspiring writer that recently moved into a very... low quality aparment. He's taken note of the number of bats that fly around the neighborhood and has developed a habit many people in his apartment complex have; feeding fruit to the bats that hang out around his place.
The place is pretty chill. Techno works at this nice Café. (Whether it's Niki's or not is up to you.) He's developed a small rivalry with this random kid who pesters him for food all the time. Techno usually shares his lunch with the kid. (Techno admits the kid is pretty cute with his squid themed. backpack and hoodie)
Anyway, Techno is doing well, he's adjusting to the neighborhood, his boss is pretty nice, and he even has the free time to write his second novel now.
Time passes and Techno has fully adjusted to the place, getting comfortable until... Tommy shows up! Tommy is a fledgling vampire who recently was given the freedom of going out. (As long as one of the other coven members are with him.)
One day while out, Tommy gets distracted and wanders off, loseing his caretaker of the night. This leads to Tommy getting lost and ariving at an old apartment complex. The place has bat boxes and Tommy prepares to spend the day in one to hide from the sun.
While trying to hide from the sun in his bat form, Tommy finds this weird guy with shitty pink hair who's been trying to lure him inside with grapes. (Techno sees a small pup without it's mother desperately hiding in his very old and falling apart bat box.)
Eventually Techno gets the pup inside, wrapping him up in a soft baby blanket and putting him in a shoe box with a warming pad.
Tommy is scared and confused by the actions of this random human... but he quite likes the warm box he's been put in... it's not his fault if he fell asleep!
Across the city is a frantic Wilbur trying to find his missing brother who disappeared after he looked away for a second! Okay, maybe he was staring at that pretty human running the nearby record store but Tommy had been right there beside him!
Wilbur and the rest of the coven desperately searches for Tommy before being forced to take refuge from the sun indoors.
I'm unsure of what happens next but Tommy eventually makes his way back and is promptly grounded and forced to stay indoors. The only problem is that... Tommy has imprinted on Techno during his time with him and begins sneaking out to hang out with Techno. (Techno is relieved that the little bat he helped was doing well!)
#technoblade#bedrock bros#sbi#sbi fanfic#vampire au#modern au#wilbur is a worried older brother#techno just wants to write his book and vibe with the little bat that keeps showing up on his balcony#tommy 'run away from home to eat fruit with weird man' innit#phil is a old man who cant handle the stress of his kids going missing#kristin absolutely knows where tommy is going and fins it amusing after awhile#if she even exists#squid kid is a gremlin that always eats techno's potato wedges.#philza#tommyinnit#wilbur soot#i actually like this#i may or may not write a fanfic for this au#what could have been#i might still try writing this#i had chapter one half way complete#correction: wilbur *was* a worried older brother#i could try replacing wilbur with someone#like tubbo#or ranboo#I REALLY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FUN WITH SQUIDKID AND TECHNO#THEY COULD HAVE BEEN BROTHERS#squid kid : turned into literal child
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you know what, this might be a controversial take, but what if i DON'T believe mayā hénry ?
#lea talks#hear me out#why release a FICTION book when you can release a NONFICTION one???#like ok so basically she wanted to take legal action bc liam was blasting her phone but PICTURE THIS#someone write a book of you full of defamatory material which makes you look like an absolute predator and shit online#idk it just makes sense as well#This might be my most controversial post bc you might think of me as an apologist but NO#liam was crazy and on an incredibly destrictive path#he could very well have been an abuser and was a confirmed addict that had recently relapsed AFTER treatment#heres the thing im not even sure he could have taken legal action bc was she wrote was official “fiction” but she made it VERY clear it was#abt liam w that ugly ass book cover#idk but she just seemed like an opportunist to me#why would he want her getting an abortion when he literally had Bear??? makes no sense#he apparently was also a cheater so some things check out but idk all of this is so fucked and were banking on his downfall and i HATE that#Absolutely NO consideration for his mental health and look at what happened like fr
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when a friend mentions they're trying to get back into reading and you have to hold off from dumping your entire 300+ book personal library over their head because you don't want to overwhelm them/scare them off
#rai writes#OOOOOOOOOOH FRIENDS WHEN I TELL YOU ITS A STRUGGLE#she said I could bring a few for her to pick from when we get together for game night AND OOOOOOO#OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#trying to make a short list but I keep going ''oh but this one. and this one. AND THIS ONE IS GOOD TOO''#@@@ me: LET HER WEAN INTO IT. HOLD!!! HOOOLLLDDD!!!!#Ive settled on a handful for now but AUGH what about??? all of them??? how about every book??? All????#for anyone curious my picks this time are Luck in the Shadows. Red White & Royal Blue. The Screaming Staircase. The Cruel Prince. and Cinde#trying to pick a nice spread uwu see what shes feeling#i live to share my books. its literally why i own my library. i want to give book recs soooo bad#hearing people go ''omg I loved that book you showed me!!!'' is BETTER THAN CRACK
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Have been reading this sci-fi romance and like UGH u ever really wish a book was just at least a little better??? There's stuff in this that's interesting but also a lot about it that's so... Juvenile and kinda undercooked lol...... But it's so hard finding good romance bc for a lot of romance readers this is enough, except even then not really since they prolly didn't fuck nasty enough in this book for the ppl that just need the merest pretense to read smut (which is fine if that's what u like there's just an oversaturation of this, esp when you can have a light plot/heavy smut story with slightly better writing and internal world building without having to explain and describe the 'boring' parts 😅)
#i have another romance series i like and return to and i feel like i couch it so much when i say its good actually#but my recent attempts to get back into reading and find a good romance this last year has kinda shown me#i was taking the quality of writing in that series for GRANTED#this series which has more smut than the book I'm reading but has very compelling world building evocative writing interesting cast#meanwhile the author I'm reading might as well just say I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WRITING THIS at points of the book and worse#they're upfront that this aesthetic in this book is inspired by a game and it's clear#they're taking for granted u know the aesthetic and barely describe anything#which is kind of a problem in contemporary romance a lot but there's times when the writer clearly has a vision and just doesn't communicate#anyway this is for no one I'm just right about to finish it after hoping every chapter it would be better#text posts#the thing is too i have played this game they're referencing and it's got nothing to do with the game except the setting/environment#but if i hadn't played that game i wonder how well i could picture it#they also didn't name another game that I'm pretty sure they took inspiration from#i know it's hard when you want to write a character that's smarter than you but over and over it's like why make her have a skillset#if you clearly aren't willing to do any of the bare minimum to make it seem like she actually has the skills or knows anything 😔#the forward on this book is literally like A/N: I didn't want to research anything for this book so i didn't#and since i said so you can't judge me!!!#yes i can.... it's only by the grace of the fact I'm reading this on a borrowed ku account and didn't pay for it that I'm not harsher lol
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the way i need to write about roksana so bad
#personal#i could write a book about that woman i love her so much#her story is so so similar to vitali but from a different perspective but like. they're the same person to a degree#even her arc with like. cutting her hair short and bleaching it. that's LITERALLY what vitali did as well#obviously vitali is a guy but he was a daughter once. both him and roksana went through the same thing and went insane about it#+ roksana's weird obsession with mikhail which has stayed around all those years because she sees him as like. a symbol of freedom#because vitali was always with him and loved him etc etc. all of that made roksana love him too?? if that makes sense??#parasocial relationship with your older brother's bestie. because it's the only thing she's ever known. i need to chew on glass#and the way she feels like it's her responsibility to carry the burdens of her family because her older brothers both left#so she feels like she has to stick around and clean up the remaining messes to have some sort of semblance of a family again#but her parents are out for revenge and her mother has given up and her father is still trying. there's the whole affair thing with ravager#roksana has infiltrate vitali's office and of course she goes to do that. but with her own agenda in it all#trying to get closer to mikhail again as if she will succeed this time and finally get that freedom she's always longed for#and then she realizes that it was never about finding someone to run away with. it has to come from within yourself#and then she leaves. and she leaves so far that no one knows where she went for a good amount of years#AND IT'S SO INSANE TO ME. she did not have to go through any of that#and maybe if she and vitali had talked more and had tried to understand each other more they could've helped each other#instead of just. become strangers. while being quite literally EXACTLY the same. GOD!
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