immolatedcrustacean

[immolatedcrustacean]

from journal entry (april 11th 2022, silas denver melvin, paper + digital)

click for quality + do not remove caption (instagram)

[ID: a black and white photograph of several muscovy ducks swimming in a line on a pond. in yellow text above them it reads "it's hard work, trying to make yourself into something your mother can stand to look at." /End ID]

[immolatedcrustacean]

My body feels like an emergency. It's 5am. It's been like this for 12 months.

[immolatedcrustacean]

Cake stimboard

Request are open

Bye bye

[immolatedcrustacean]

Snap

I keep coming back lately to how f*cked up it was that my dad never let me mess anything up. Oh no, don’t climb out the window and sit on the roof–you’ll damage the shingles. So I put out beach towels and was extra careful, and he still got mad. Some of my best childhood memories were sitting out on that roof with my brother or my friends. Man f*ck the shingles. We sold that house a year later anyway. I waited years for him to fix the toilet paper roll holder in an upstairs bathroom–then one day just broke down and fixed it myself. It took me 5 minutes. And he was mad because I didn’t use the right kind of screws. F*ck the right screws. It looked perfect and it worked just fine, at least until I moved out. Now I’ve been out here living with a bunch of rogue ranchers and old engineers and it’s given me a whole new perspective on life. The first day I moved onto this ranch the owner got out an electric saw and cut a hole straight through a sewer pipe. I nearly panicked! Like–YOU CAN JUST DO THAT?!?! Just break something?! It was a horrible job! But BAM–it was done! And that sh*t changed my whole worldview. Last week I helped remodel a bridge with some spare logs and a pickaxe. I’ve sawed open the roof of my house and glued it back together. I’ve torn wall fixtures off and burned them in a bonfire. 

GO AHEAD! BREAK IT. Wear down the shingles. Cut holes through the wall. Get mud on the sofa. Put stickers on your car. Break the world around you just a little instead of living in fear of losing resale value you rarely get back anyway. It’ll be fine. 

[immolatedcrustacean]

Ok Autists, it makes sense. We're struggling cos we're overloaded. We're processing every pixel. The other ones, the normies, they get to ignore most of them.

We gotta turn our phones off

[immolatedcrustacean]

Penguin escapes killer whales by jumping onto a boat.

[immolatedcrustacean]

New goal: be inedible to capitalism

[immolatedcrustacean]

CW, mention of sexual assault

I acted normal for a trans anarchist in front of a boomerish cis-het and they sexually assaulted me. Then it happened again. With a different boomer... And then I got thinking about Jason Alexander's character in Pretty Woman.

What is that? That sense of entitlement they assume over the body of a person they discover is liberated. Is that "ooh someone is free, better colonise them"? Or "someone is free, better own them"? Or are those two things one and the same?

[immolatedcrustacean]

white ppl sharing black, brown, and indigenous knowledge as if they made it up. Everywhere. For money.

[immolatedcrustacean]

Shout out to systems who use parts language!

Parts language helped us so much, not only to lower our dissociative barriers, but to also see ourselves as individuals! Reconceptualizing ourselves as parts of one whole changed our entire life.

Shout out to those who are trying out parts language, trying to see how it works for you. We started out by calling ourselves “part of a team,” which helped us start to grow.

Shout out to those who struggle with parts language because of their dissociative barriers. It’s hard, at first - you feel so strongly like you’re a whole person. But changing our thinking helped us feel so much more like we were individuals, and helped us differentiate between us. Using parts language can help tear down those barriers as you all work together!

Shout out to those who have tried parts language for awhile now and have had it help them towards recovery!

Shout out to those who use parts language and are aiming for final fusion!

Shout out to those who use parts language and are aiming for functional multiplicity!

Shout out for parts language 🥰

[immolatedcrustacean]

Getting the picture that most ppl are social conforming machines. Uncluttered by curiosity and integrity, they seek ways to "fit in".

One such way is to perform curiosity and integrity.

[immolatedcrustacean]

Getting weary from seeing too much

[immolatedcrustacean]

Carrying on in line with my values will earn me opprobrium

Carrying on out of line with my values is intolerable

The time to consciously choose opprobrium has arrived

[immolatedcrustacean]

Courtroom mix

Fight, flight, freeze and fawn - eternal terrors measured by one syllable what passes inside these metaphors?

Courtroom: An orchestra on a ladder

the defendant fawns to a cop who fawns to a lawyer who fawns to a judge DJ-ing, taking requests mixing full time breeds contempt mixing futures, law, and supremacy Playing to a paid crowd or coerced The only person who wants to be there is A vengeful prosecution. What does that tell you? But don’t think of the judge For once uncrick your neck and find your comrades Beneath you. Always. Frozen in fear you have yet to taste Think of the defendant

A neurodivergent blurter gets contempt Another charge, another banger in this set

“In considering bail I'm heartened to see the defendant, Mr Morris, has provided a second address in the Yarra valley the chance of reoffending is diminished in my view" Private property obtains Mr Morris’s freedom, the quiet part out loud an audible gasp will land you in contempt Another charge, another banger Don’t gasp. First swallow. Then arrest your reaction then further back, at the level of thought Stop it there then further, back again, at the level of perception percepticide You no longer see. Congratulations

Complicit at last

[immolatedcrustacean]

"you're so sensitive" is an insult? 

It actually is. That's the culture we live in.

In our ancestral environments, which of us sounded the alarm when the vibe was off?

When the "sensitive" ones are sounding the alarm now, about the entire system, ya suppose the normies can take an inference?

When the sensitive ones are saying "land back now!"

When the sensitive ones are saying "reparations now!"

When the sensitive ones are saying "give up your power!"

With a few decades left on the clock, can they figure out what they need to do?

[immolatedcrustacean]

happy fourth day of disability pride month and no other holiday

[immolatedcrustacean]

Every person need to be taught disability history

Not the “oh Einstein was probably autistic” or the sanitized Helen Keller story. but this history disabled people have made and has been made for us.

Teach them about Carrie Buck, who was sterilized against her will, sued in 1927, and lost because “Three generations of imbeciles [were] enough.”

Teach them about Judith Heumann and her associates, who in 1977, held the longest sit in a government building for the enactment of 504 protection passed three years earlier.

Teach them about all the Baby Does, newborns in 1980s who were born disabled and who doctors left to die without treatment, who’s deaths lead to the passing of The Baby Doe amendment to the child abuse law in 1984.

Teach them about the deaf students at Gallaudet University, a liberal arts school for the deaf, who in 1988, protested the appointment of yet another hearing president and successfully elected I. King Jordan as their first deaf president.

Teach them about Jim Sinclair, who at the 1993 international Autism Conference stood and said “don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you.”

Teach about the disability activists who laid down in front of buses for accessible transit in 1978, crawled up the steps of congress in 1990 for the ADA, and fight against police brutality, poverty, restricted access to medical care, and abuse today.

Teach about us.