#she could have told him that
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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Carry me home
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#haurchefant greystone#haurchefant x wol#haurchewol#ffxiv wol#ffxiv spoilers#heavensward spoilers#final fantasy xiv spoilers#tinydraws#let me know if i’m missing any spoiler tags#tagging seems like it would be an easy and straightforward thing but also. i’m stupid.#anyway i choose to believe that Rowan carried him back to the manor#even if someone tells me otherwise i will not believe them#also i choose to believe that these two had it bad for each other#neither of them said anything but everyone could tell lol#haurche specifically was very Not Subtle in his displays of affection#and Rowan for the most part picked up on it#not everything cuz she's still in the midst of working on accepting any amount of companionship. but like. most.#and went ‘honestly.... if i told him i liked him it would probably go well. We just have so much stuff to deal with; now’s not a good time'#and then the time came and went :’)#and Rowan went ‘Did….. did he know? Did he Know how much I loved him? did he KNOW???????’#and then she grieved behind closed doors away from everyone#and also tried to replace said grief by focusing a lil too hard on her duties#idk i’m still working out WOL lore but this is what i got so far lol#or at least in regards to haurche
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okay but what if. video game designer marinette...
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#this is brainstorming for one of my WIPs technically but#i increasingly headcanon marinette as realizing in university that fashion design isn't really what she thought it would be#and then having a crisis of what the heck do she wants to do with her life. and taking a long time to figure it out#and feeling like she's falling behind because all her friends know that now. and adrien even knows what he wants to do now#and he keeps reminding her of all the times she told him not to worry. that he'd figure it out in the end. but she's like IT'S DIFFERENT#and every time she finds something she finds 100 reasons she can't do it or won't like it--mostly cause she's sort of lost faith in herself#maybe i just want to project the mid 20s experience™️on her okay? KJBADFKJDKJBGFKB#BUT YEAH SHE'LL FIGURE IT OUT IN THE END#and i think she could get so into gaming. she can't decide if she wants to do more game design or art or programming aspects#so she tries out multiple different programs before settling into a job#but then she's a badass#do you see the vision?
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DPxDC the Olympics AU.
Jazz is competing for sharpshooting
Dick is competing for team gymnastics
Y’all can work it out from there :)
#maybe he’s solo men’s gymnastics too I just think he’d be in a team to put less eyes on him#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc#bones prompts#the Olympics has issues with preventing olympians from doing the devils tango after all#and yet I just think they would get along great as both older siblings and people with too much weight in their shoulders#jazz got so worried about accidentally shooting her brother she got some of the Best of the Best sharpshooters from the GZ to train her.#she got better and better and better until she showed off her skills to one of her coworkers once when they went to the range and told her#she was Olympics level of good. she went to the tryouts bc her coworker insisted on it#and to her surprise she was accepted. she knew she was a good shot but the reality of just HOW good came crashing down in that moment#holy fuck she could make a name for herself and win a gold metal. might as well have fun and try right?#bones writes in the tags
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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taash said "they were doing it" and people ran with the interpretation of an npc that doesn't know solas or the history of the elvhenan even when bellara interjected and said, no, that's not right. that's not how it was for the elvhenan. they formed bonds before they had physical bodies. and people ran to doompost or create weird anti-solavellan shit even though mythal & solas refer to each other as old friends and when she releases him there is no tenderness or love in it. it is the act of unchaining a dog from his post, the stepping down of a general. but to each their own ig.
#let the record show i think love was there. do I personally perceive it as romantic / sexual? no.#mythal's perception of love & care is warped in and of itself#i think they loved each other. but she loved what she could take from him and what he could give in terms of service#not because she was romantically into him#also i wish we knew more about her & elgar'nan. her regret prison form says she holds no love for him anymore#and it makes me wonder when that love soured. was it when she was blighted? before that? was that love also born of duty and companionship?#this is the last post i'm gonna make ab this i think#bc i believe people are too caught up in the modern western ideas of love as thing we give solely to our romantic partners#and we literally have a character go ”our perception is warped bc of the age we live in” and some of you are still being purposefully obtuse#and i think trick saying it's up to interpretation is basically admitting EA had them dumb down the game anyway#if everything ab the rise and fall of the evanuris in game#was condensed to five 2min cutscenes it says enough that whatever the writers wanted#was swiftly cut down by corporate dept. basically saying it's in the fans' court now#also bc it's an easy cop out around new players & non solasmancers who are indifferent ab him / dislike him#as a way to appeal thru a more sympathetic lense of look!! he loved and was led astray#not to mention the clear justinia / leliana parallels#and leliana gets angry if you imply she was romantically involved / in love w justinia#and the romance descr when you remake your inq saying the dread wolf could not predict what it would mean to fall IN LOVE#implying he had never fallen in love before or at the very least experienced a romantic love#also him saying drinking from the well would make you a slave and he gets really upset#yet ive seen takes of ”hes doing this for her cus he dgaf ab lavellan” ?? he got mythal killed when he told her ab the blight#whatever feelings of admiration he had for her have rotted. he is literally burdened by his mistakes and his choice in joining her#i feel like if i were a spirit bound and twisted into a weapon i would need my creator to tell me i am Free. i would need that closure#like when cole says its not abuse to bind him if he asks and solas said thats not always true???#if you perceive her interaction w him in vg third act as#anything more than the way justinia released leliana in inq then im sorry maybe youre just obtuse#solavellan#mythal#dragon age meta
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you figured that when you and Bakugou brought those at-home Halloween decorations, that he and you guys’ daughter would do it without problems. figured he’d help her when she needed it, to color in the lines, to get her clean water for her paint brushes, to wipe her hands when she dirtied them too much.
what you didn’t expect, was for there to be so much bickering. not between you and him, but him and your daughter.
“I told you to paint right here!” your daughter yells at him, angry little face pinched in frustration as she huffs. crossing her arms and glaring at him, at a mirror of herself. Bakugou meets her with that same expression; eyebrows drawn down, bottom lip slightly pouted, red sprouting on the high points of their cheeks.
“But you already painted there with your crappy puke green!” he yells back at her, pointing an accusatory paintbrush in her direction. you can only shake your head at them, minding your own business as you paint your little corner that your daughter has delegated to you.
“Because I didn’t want you to forget since you’re so old.” your daughter teases, even dares to stick her tongue out at him. Bakugou scoffs in indignation.
“Old?!” he damn near screeches. your daughter screams to the tops of her lungs when he rips her from her chair (gently, you smile to yourself, watch his quiet hesitation when he puts her in his arms too fast). “Who are ya calling old, you stinky little brat?”
he dangles her upside down, puffing his chest in satisfaction when she screams and giggles and calls to you for help. but you pretend like you can’t get her every time Bakugou pulls her back to his body. her smile is huge, her laughter infectious, so much so that even her dad has to hide his smile when she points up at him, yelling,
“Old man, old man! Ugly old man!” she absolutely squeals when Bakugou only roars at her, the both of them going at it while you continue to paint. when they finally decide to finish, you only hope he’s worn her out enough that she forgets all about trick or treating.
(she doesn’t—if anything, she doubles down and demands that Bakugou wear a crown similar to hers, even though his outfit doesn’t need it. he wears it anyway, proudly, with his little brat perched on his shoulder. you tell him she’s three now, that she doesn’t need to be picked up. but as he carries her slumped over form, asleep from the crash of a sugar rush, he cradles her even closer to his chest. he thinks that she’ll never be too old.)
#inspired by my bossy niece delegating me to which part of the decorations I could touch LOL#bkg with a bossy daughter I’m gonna sob#she’s so bossy bc he almost always gives in#I mith him I feel like it’s been so long :(#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#also happy Halloween!!!!#my oldest niece told me to have fun snoring tonight#little asshole AKSJSKDJD
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pap pap
#karkat vantas#gamzee makara#pale gamkar#gamkar#gamkat#gamzee x karkat#homestuck#the inspiration of this was cuz of work lmao#cuz i usually like............lmfao slap people around jokingly at work and stuff#but apparently its like real painful for them LMFAO a friend told me i have like............. shovel like hand =))))))))))))#it was funny and like she knows i dont do it on purpose but aasoifuoiasdbgsg ghhhh#and ya the same day i was with this other friend and told him how my hands are So Strong he should be careful#cuz i could rip his cheeks apart if i held his face and he was like ok :D and leaned in with his face all smiling n shit#and my brain was like BOOM BOOM POW THATS GAMKAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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this was what their dr:s interaction was originally gonna be. trust me. i’m mr. danganronpa
(no cuz seriously. how are you gonna have them interact and then forget that hiroko canonically has a bit of a thing for takaaki?) (i say this like the dr:s writers even knew who the other captives were)
#tbh this is similar to how i feel hiroko’s initial flirting attempts with takaaki would go#her trying to stick to her more subtle way of giving him signals and relying on her ‘woman’s charm’ and him just. not getting it (autism)#it’s not like takaaki WASNT interested in her (he admired her determination to help others. and he thought she was very pretty)#but he just had a hard time expressing those feelings. if he ever did.#but anyways. hiroko initially catches onto his way of thinking and changes her approach to something much more straightforward and earnest#* ‘eventually’ not ‘initially’ wtf-#and he’s just like WOAH- where did this come from?? and she’s just like. bro. i’ve been flirting with you this whole time.#like how did you become a detective?? it was so obvious. i’d be more annoyed if i didn’t like you#and then they lived happily ever after the end#i could go into how she didn’t have to rely on what she thinks guys like about her to get him to like her#and how he had constantly been told by everyone that he’s horrible and unworthy of love only to find out that’s not the case in her eyes#and how that kinda fucks with them both. but uhhhhh-#sorry. i didn’t mean for this to become me just rambling about takoko. they’re a cute mom and dad ship what can i say?#also i love kiyotaka and yasuhiro so the step-brother dynamic is very real and very fun#anyways. right fandom tags#danganronpa#kiyotaka ishimaru#hiroko hagakure#takoko#doodlepuff
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My personal headcanon is that Pony got his love for reading from Darry. When Darry was in high school he’d read the books he got in class out loud to Ponyboy and straight up just handed him some of the easier ones so they could talk about it later. In my brain the reason Ponyboy clings onto it so much is because it’s one of the things he and Darry REALLY bonded over when he was a kid and it just brings back good memories of when they got along better.
#he begged Darry to keep reading ‘just one more chapter’#one of his favorite memories is reading an entire book one day with Darry#this comes from me and my siblings ngl#my sister used to hand me books she liked and told me to tell her all of my thoughts on it#she was REALLY happy I read above my grade level enough that I could talk to her about it#and I read the books out loud to my brother bc he CANT read above grade level#I have a five year age gap with my sister and a five year age gap with HIM#so like#the books r pretty complicated#today he was mad I didn’t wanna finish reading the book to him which was so cute#the downside to having to read out loud is my voice gets tired#but the bright side is I get to explain everything he doesn’t understand in depth and it’s a#well I wouldn’t say BETTER bonding experience bc I love my sister#but it’s different#more…. connected ig#damn I’m yapping a lot#just imagine it’s all abt pony and Darry#that’s why he read out loud to Johnny#it’s like something he thinks of as an ultimate bonding experience#guys trust#they’re besties#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#the outsiders hcs
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i cracked the code.
#believing dirk is the worst guy because its what dirk thinks of himself#ignoring daves bisexuality and think hes a gay man in denial even when he explained hes bisexual#believing john 'im not a homosexual' egbert is explicitly straight while he makes out with his mcconahey and cameron posters more#than he kissed women(literally only once)#believing that rose is an edgy psyhcotic little bitch when she was neglected. she speaks elegantly to cover that shes silly and a total ner#and how did people forget that rose also writes gay wizard fanfiction. reads Wikipedia. and her beautiful artstyle as a result of neglect#(and by neglect meaning having SO MUCH TIME to draw)#jake wasnt into dirk. he also told di that he didnt like how brobot getting touchy with him during strifes#but as part of the repression 4(prospit kids). he refused on changing the bot settings#what jane said about roxy being better when she was drunk. it was fucking sarcasm. its the least insane shit you could say to a best friend#all the kids have issues and of course people get mad over a girl being sarcastic.#when KARKAT said THE SAME THING to rose when she was drunk on the meteor nobody bats an eye#trolls are just grey humans that are bugs. he doesnt get an excuse for being an alien. humans were made from KARKATS BLOOD#jade isnt all silly girl and is so FULL OF HATE towards the trolls. she called karkat a fuckass (VERY FUNNY) to do her a favor#“jade would rather have punched karkat in the fact then had a pleasent conversation with him.”#“she viewed the trolls as rude mean and cruel. and even thought that nepeta was just making fun of her.#despite it being that nepeta just wanted to roleplay and have fun."#dred.loki#I HAVE YET TO ADD MORE. THESE ARE JUST NOTES#homestuck#chss
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I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.
Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?
He could have died on that tour.
Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.
Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.
Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.
Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.
And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.
He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.
Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.
How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?
If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?
He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.
If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?
Who did he become?
Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.
Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.
And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.
#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#polin#say what you will- i understand why pen did it- but i still think ghosting your friend with no explanation#when he's off on a journey he could very well die on. . .not great#and what the fuck else was his family doing that they couldn't respond to his letters? they are aristocrats living in an off season#in the country- write a letter back to your son/brother who could perish in a land where no one knows him#idk i think about this a lot like colin was just. . .so uncared for and so unseen#he went off on travels to Europe in the early 1800s#anything could have killed him#and eloise last told him his letters slogged on and on and if he liked it so much he should have stayed#in an ideal world when colin said he apologized for what he said pen would ALSO apologize for not telling him sooner#i don't think she realizes just how lonely colin actually is#just how unseen he is#she thinks like so many others think that he's a popular man and oh so well regarded#that colin isn't real#colin isn't listened to- i wish more people would have empathy for him about that
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Jesus is my older brother, not my dad.
other christians don't seem to feel the same?
am i missing something where he insists on such a thing except perhaps with actual little children?
#christianity#tumblrstake#Quakers#i just want to know what y'all think#progressive christianity#some christians see themselves as his children#but again most chrsitians are sippin trinity juice so the Father is the Son? egro Jesus can be Dad#i guess i'm not a true monotheist bc if Jesus is a child of God and told his disciples to call him friend. he is my peer#Jesus is my peer - big brother - mentor - friend#God the creator is my Mother/Father/Parent(s) as well as Jesus'#Jesus and I are both children of God and Jesus is my teacher/my respected older brother/ my friend#i think the Holy Spirit is what generally moves around among humans and through humans. experiencing God through others.#also an internal prompting on what direction to take (which typically needs to undergo through discernment) but is sometimes an act rn thing#hence the gift of the Holy Spirit being gifted to us#but now i'm getting theological in the tags#did i mention that all of this is through my christian lense and a muslim could have a different perception and be just as valid#and thats on different ways people see the Divine and how the Divine presents Godself/selves to different people#i know this because Heavenly Mother was at my conversion experience. she offered an invitation - an embrace#and i took it immediately a wept#and i think that presentation was intentional bc i may not have/wouldn't have reacted the same way to Heavenly Father#our relationship is good now - Heavenly Father and I -currently on the rocks in my “ God#in my “God - why?” era. shit has been dark. and people are commiting atrocites in your name#i do pray for their smitting. but only in a way God with Hir cosmic justice sees fit#and for softened hearts more often but on one occassion it was “plz get these sinners in line” and pulling out psalm 94#Godposting#religion
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You thought it was over? It's not. I'm not done yet, understood. (Imagine Endo saying this like aaaaaaaa)
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i think i have a type nom nom men with tattoo sleeves. APPRECIATING ENDO'S ARMS BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT. also adding my other man jeon jungkook because why not (。・ω・。)ノ♡
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LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES LOOK AT HIM OH MY GAWD IM IN THE OUTER SPACE SCREAMING HIS NAME UNTIL MY VOICE REACHES ANOTHER GALAXY, ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER MULTIVERSE.
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#✧* ꜝ kiki's rambling#✧* ꜝ endo yamato#FINALLY MAKING ENDO'S OWN TAG OH MY NSKSKSK#GUYS HIM AND CHIKA ARE MY FAVS ACTUALLY#IM NOT SANE GUYS IM 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂#satoru nii knows what is he doing#HE KNOWS#ENDO DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE SO SO SO MUCH AND I WILL GIVE IT TO HIM#I CAN BE CRAZY TOO SO HE BETTER BE OBSESSED WITH ME#im not leaving that man until i kiss him all over his body with my red lipstick that will leave marks on his tattoos#HIS FACE WILL BE SMUDGED WITH KISSES#I LOVE ENDO#having endo brainrot rn#DONT BE SURPRISED IF I POST THINGS WITH ONLY CHIKA AND YAMATO#yamato ... his lovely name#EDNO ARMS ARE SOOOOO NOM NOM#IF HE FLEXES THEM OH MY GODDDDDDDD#FLEX ME INSTEAD#ENDO AND JUNGKOOK MATCHING#don't get me started on jungkook because once i start i won't stop#I DECLARE THIS AS ENDO NATIONAL ANTHEM#I took my drugs and took my lovin' when I left out the spot#I left the party with a Barbie markin' X on the dot#She calls my phone up but I told her “I'm a loner”#But she likes my watch and my droptop and my persona#We hit the highway 1-5-5 with my whole foot on the dash#She's in my ear she's got no fear she could care less if we crash#wind breaker#endo yamato#endo x reader
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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I fear Kevin Day is the type of person whose struggle always came second. He funcioned enough that while everyone knew he wasn't alright, it was also nobody's problem, as someone else was actively having a harder time and they took precedence. He internalises all his problems and keeps going and going but he is fueled by alchool and sheer desperation a 100% of the time. If he were to stop for even a second he wouldn't know how to start again.
Did he ever, at somepoint in his life -away from the ex foxes, a pro player, married to Thea- wish he had it worse, just so that maybe it would have been his turn being saved? Being first? How badly would he feel, just one second after thinking it, because he knows damn well he has enough trauma to fill a stadium and he isn't actually jealous of his friends that had it worse, he isn't . That's a fucked up thing to think, stop it, stop it.
Would he still drink himself into a stupor to shoote the ache, to banish the thought? That's the help he got, when he was at his worst, a drink, and then two, and then a thousand. And it worked, it made him go, it picked him up when he was down, and now he can't get down without crashing.
Did he wish to be saved? Did he hope somebody, anybody, took the time and put in the effort to help him, just because they saw him down, not because he begged, but because they noticed he could use a hand. Or two, actually. Was it torment, to always be under the spotlight, yet never been seen? Did he run toward fame hoping the more eyes on him meant it would be easier to be noticed?
#this spurred from a series of posts about kevin always fumbling the men in his life#and yeah. he really is always second place#he supposedly ends up with thea which. what the fuck.#to me that alone speaks volumes about how out of everyone in aftg he is the one that starts and end basically at the same level of struggle#this is also about the part in the EC where he talks to wymack about Bee#and look i love bee and Andrews’s relationship he really does deserve her#but kevin is right to say that she is his and he can't have her#they text each other#kevin needs and deserves to have his own therapist#someone that is his alone#it breaks my heart to think about this boy#he wont even ask for it#he says: she's Andrew's#and that's it to him#it is true and unchangeable and nothing can be done ablut it#and never thinks okay maybe someone else could be to me what she is to him#and no one else says it either#im sleep deprived this is killing me i had to get it out#kevin day#you deserve the world#nobody even wanted to listen to you talk about history#you are easier to deal with when drunk#you don't have to words nor will to fight them on either of these fronts#you ask once and when you are denied you neverask again dont you#aftg#these are the types of people that end up killing themselves and everyone is surprised at first and then goes...oh yeah he had a hard time#but we couldn't imagine it was that bad#we wish he told us
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