#Jesus is my peer - big brother - mentor - friend

[not-so-superheroine]

Jesus is my older brother, not my dad.

other christians don't seem to feel the same?

am i missing something where he insists on such a thing except perhaps with actual little children?

[thephantomcasebook]

Matt’s “Reasonable” Downton Abbey Movie Sequel Pitch

Since I’ve been known to take extreme flights of fancy ... maybe wedding Downton Abbey continuity to Pulp and Classic Adventure stories in the past ... this time I’m gonna pitch something that is plausible on the Silver Screen.

The Summery:

Set in the Mid-1950′s. Lady Mary Talbot hosts a house party at Downton Abbey, like the old days, before the war. However - during the party - a maid is found dead. Miles from competent investigators, Edward Pelham enlists the help of his childhood hero and older cousin, the Earl of Grantham, George Crawley. Once a famed adventurer and war hero - no one has seen or heard from him since the war ended. He has chosen solitude and exile in the seclusion of Crawley House with his young son and his faithful butler Thomas Barrow. 

Together, with the help of old friends, the two cousins try to unveil the murderer that is on the loose in Downton Abbey looking to avenge an old sin from the past. 

PRINCIPLE RETURNING CAST: 

 Lady Mary, Lady Edith, and Tom Branson -  Michelle Dockery, Laura Carmichael, and Allen Leech 

Lady Rose Aldridge, “Dowager Countess of Sinderby” - Lily James 

Mrs. Lucy Branson - Tuppence Middleton 

Anna Bates - Joanne Froggett  

Thomas Barrow & Richard Ellis - Richard Collier & Max Brown

NEW PRINCIPLE CAST

Captain George “The Comet” Crawley, Earl of Grantham - Henry Cavil  

Crippled during battle while Storming an SS held Austrian Castle in May 1945, George Crawley chose seclusion rather than Downton Abbey. For the last ten years he has retreated from the world. Surrounded by Libraries of ancient texts and Medieval Chronicles - glass cases filled with trophies and artifacts from his adventures -  George broods darkly over the death of his men and a betrayal by the one he loved most in Matthew Crawley’s old chair by the fire..  

However, his young idealistic cousin rouses the once heroic and valiant adventurer back to action with the encouragement of his son Jason Crawley and Thomas Barrow, who believe George has sat idle too long and must become the leader and man of action he once was.

“Well, well, well ... if it isn’t Captain George “The Comet” Crawley himself. The most Dangerous Man in the whole Empire, this one was ... Once. 

“Yes, I dare say, and how are you holding up these days, eh, Old Boy?!” 

“With a cane.” 

Ms. Sybil “Sybbie” Branson - Jessica De Gouw  

A Genius Mechanical Engineer, Sybbie was once the partner and companion of George Crawley on many adventure and stayed by his side throughout the war. However in 1943, during a mission with their SOE Commando Team in Greece, Sybbie Branson turned coat on the Allies and  was revealed to be a Nazi Agent ... Her betrayal caused the unintended death of John “Johnny” Bates Jr. 

Captured in Austrian Castle in May of 1945 at great cost in George’s blood and the lives of his men by her fanatical suitor and body guards, Sybbie was tried at Nuremberg for helping design super weapons for the Nazis. However, just before her execution, at the last moment, she was reprieved and recruited by “Operation Paper Clip” ... some believed sparing her life was the last thing George did before going into seclusion.

Ten years later, Ms. Sybil Darcy splits her time in Hollywood as an Oscar winning actress and a Southern California Military Base where she helps develop rockets for a fledgling American Space Program. It is only by chance that on another guilt ridden drinking binge that she awakens at the doors of Downton Abbey - her childhood home - where her International Playboy fiance was invited to Lady Mary’s House Party.

“When I’m in his arms all I can think of is home, and when I think of home all I can think of is you. I know what I’ve done is evil and can never be forgiven. And I don’t ask for it from you ... all I ask is that you wait for me ... please, don’t leave me here alone. I don’t remember what this world was like without you in it, And all I know is that I cannot live in such a world. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you, and I’ll never stop ... Never.”

Lady Marigold Fraser, “Countess of Tarahill” - Elizabeth Henstridge 

During the “Battle of Britain” and “The Blitz” Corporal Marigold Crawley served as a operator and airwoman in the RAF control room. When George and Sybbie’s squadron was sent to break the Siege of Malta and fight in the North Africa Campaign , Marigold would not be left behind. Thus, she resigned commission and became a War Corespondent for her Mamma and Aunt Laura at “The Sketch” - covering George and his men’s exploits from the ‘safety’ of Sybbie’s mechanic’s hanger. Later, during Sybbie’s arch betrayal, Marigold used her media and diplomatic pass as a Marquess’s step-daughter to rescue a hunted George with the help of local resistance. She went on to cover D-Day, Market Garden, and the Battle of the Bulge while attached to a much darker and violent George and his Commandos, 

Marigold was vaulted as a “Female Pioneer in Journalism”. But falling in Love with a Scottish Colonel in the British Airborne during Market Garden, she chose marriage rather than her career. But 10 years later the call of adventure is stirred in the societal matron’s blood once more upon her reunion with best friend George and a Mystery to solve.    

“Do you ever think of it, George?”

“The war?” 

“Would you think me terrible if I told you that I miss it?” 

“What particularly do you miss about the Ardennes or Arnhem Bridge?”

“It’s not the places, not the snowy woods all bundled tight together in our freezing foxhole under artillery fire, or escaping Holland on rubber rafts in the middle of the night ... I miss our men, I miss ... waking up in the morning and knowing that we were apart of something, that it was you and me, and the old chaps, against the world ... I miss being useful, George. I guess, I’d rather like to feel that way again.”  

Ms. Caroline Talbot - Daisy Ridley 

Beautiful, Spoiled, Clever, Selfish, and Effete, the co-heiress to “Branson & Talbot Motors” has spent her life attempting to get a rise out of her mother. As most desirable of debutantes and Crown Princess of British High Society, Caroline spends her days scheming and contriving against other society girls, of whom she loves to torment. Her nights in nightclubs spent drinking and dancing, waking up in different beds throughout the poshest London Houses. 

 She loathes her mother, and blames Henry’s death on George, whose Spitfire shot down the German Bomber that crashed into Henry and Bertie’s train during “The Battle of Britain”. With George and Sybbie having never gotten along with, or been able to stand, Henry - Caroline believes George plotted her father’s death.

However, her arrogance and anger is dropped only in the presence of her best and only true friend, her cousin Edward. The only person in her unhappy life of whom she knows she truly loves.

“JUST SAY IT, MAMMA! WHY CAN’T YOU SAY IT! Why can’t you just say you didn’t love him! I’m certainly not the first unloved child ever born to a widow looking for a cheap thrill! I guess I owe you enough thanks for at least marrying Daddy!”

“Oh, pipe down, you spoiled little bitch!” 

“Shut up, you Nazi whore! You two ran off to have your little adventures and you never stopped to think, just once, about me!” 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Here we are again! What could you possibly want more of?! Huh? You got everyone’s attention!” 

“George, leave it!.” 

“No, no more, mom! She got everything I didn’t! She got a mother and father, parents! You left me behind so that you and Henry could start your trendy new fashionable family! You took their side against me! You and Uncle Tom! Just so you can continue to play grab ass with your pathetic little trio! I spent years away from home, Christmases at Aunt Edith’s, all because Henry didn’t want me here! MY OWN HOUSE! And still, after all that, his brat wants more! So, what, Goddamnit!?  What do you want from me, Caroline!?” 

“YOU! I wanted my brother! I loved you and I needed you! And you left me with HER!

Lord Edward Robert Pelham, “Marquess of Hexham” - William Moseley

Upright and just minded, Lord Hexham grew up on the stories of adventure and mystery that his older cousins, George and Sybbie, were famous for. At the death of his father in the war, he looked up to his cousin George as a male role model. 

Thirteen years later, while on break from Oxford - he is not sure what to do with his life. Determined to save his beloved best friend Caroline from a nose dive of alcohol and sex turning into a death spiral, he finds himself at Downton Abbey - a guest of his Aunt Mary - when a murder takes place. But when the Killer leaves a message that it would only be the first. it seems everyone turns to him - as senior peer - for guidance. Unsure what to do, he goes to find his old mentor, George - who has much more experience in this kind of danger and mystery.  

“I don’t know, Marigold ... sometimes I think I’m the wrong man for this job.” 

“Nonsense. In fact, rising above the bias of an older sister and the person who helped raise you, I just happen to think you’re the perfect man for the job.”

“I feel ashamed sometimes. There are lads out there that don’t have two pounds in their hands. And here I am, a Marquess, leaving Oxford, to snuggle up to my big sister’s beast, because, I’m frustrated.”

“Well, they are fantastic breasts.” 

“I’m serious ... I just, I keep telling Caroline that there’s more in life. But I feel like it’s all just words. Neither Mummy nor Papa were ever so ambitious. And it’s not that I want more power, how could I? It’s just ... I feel like there’s something out there, waiting for me to get into its shouting distance.”

Jason Matthew Crawley, Lord of Downton - Unknown (I don’t know child actors)

Born in 1944 to an unknown mother of whom George refuses to speak of to anyone. Mary and the rest of the family were shocked and confused to find George return from the war hobbled on a cane and carrying a toddler that was unmistakably his son.  

Ten years later the blue eyed raven curled boy attends the local Downton school, but is often pursued by high ranking academies for his extremely high intellect. But George refuses to entertain sending him away. Spending most days with Mary,Tom, and Edith, the boy is famed around the county for his Holmesian deduction skills ... and aptitude for machinery - which his father refuses to allow him to pursue. Serving as his father and ‘Uncle Edward’s’ assistant while investigating the murder, they find him a much bigger help than they thought possible.

“You listen to me, Cowboy ... cause I’m only going to tell you once. You stay away from Sybbie, do you understand me?”

“I was just saying that she’s beautiful -” 

“Under no circumstance do you go near her or even speak to that woman.”

“But what does a movie star want with me?”

“This conversation is concluded, mind what I say.” 

“But, Pop ... wha -?”

“That’s an order, Cowboy.”

“Ye- yes, Sir.”

[that-buckley-gal]

Delirious #2 | Walk-On Day

“What do you vote for, Sister?” My big, Jasmine, asked me. She was my mentor when I was pledging Omega and we’ve been close friends ever since.

“I vote we do the dinner with Zeta,” I said. Jasmine grinned at me and moved on the next Sister while Penny scowled. When the votes were complete and Jasmine announced we were doing the dinner, Penny stormed off.

“Ooh, thank you for voting for me!” Jasmine squeaked as she hugged me. I hugged her back and stepped back.

“Well, you know I can never miss an opportunity to get Rooster into a tux,” I grinned.

Jas laughed and asked if I was going to bring Zook.

“He’s the president of Zeta, so I think he has to be there,” I said.

“Right,” Jasmine blushed. “Well, I gotta go reserve the banquet hall then. See you.”

“See you,” I said waving her off. When she was gone, I went back up to my room, changing into a pair of shorts and a gray MC State shirt. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail before throwing on a pair of running shoes.

Leaving the house unnoticed wasn’t an easy feat, but I’d managed to do it somehow, and I found myself in the stadium, standing by the coach.

The coach was the reason why I was here because when we were freshmen, and Zook and Rooster had just joined the team, the coach had seen just how much of a condescending ass Rooster could be when he got riled up. Having me around to stop him from going completely dick mode saved the coach from kicking him off the team.

“Gotta love walk-on day, huh?” I ask the coach as Rooster tackled a smaller freshman.

“The boys sure do,” the coach laughed whilst shaking his head.

“Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!” Rooster yelled at the other guy before stepping away. “God, I love walk-on day.”

I let out a quirky sigh and stepped away from the coach, heading towards the players’ bench and grabbing Rooster’s water bottle from the water boy. I noticed McQuaid was here as well; he was standing next to a shorter but also new guy.

“Dude, you don’t have to do this,” McQuaid told the shorter guy.

“What?” the new guy asked.

“I just don’t wanna see you get hurt,” McQuaid answered back.

“I’m not gonna…”

“Whoops!” Rooster said, brushing past the new guy, who bumped into McQuaid, who then bumped into Zook, who dropped his sub.

He gave a cocky smirk as he sauntered over to me. I gave him his water.

“Behave,” I warned. Rooster took a drink before we both walked back to the group of footballers. Specifically, Rooster stood next to the new guy whilst I stood next to him, and next to a crouching McQuaid, who was next to an also crouching Zook as they fiddled around with Zook’s sandwich.

Currently, the two guys were talking about the “new” ‘meat-qute’ sandwich. Rooster, new guy, and I simply stared at the two boys who may as well have been flirting. Then, both stood up and Zook looked around at the boys surrounding him as he asked if anyone wanted to try the “meat-qute”. Nobody answered him.

“That’s hilarious, man,” Zook praised McQuaid. “What’s your name?”

“Brad,” McQuaid answered. “Wait – uh…yeah. Brad McQuaid.”

“Nice to meet you, man. I’m Zook and behind you is my sister, Gem. And that’s her guy Rooster,” Zook introduced us all.

“Sup, man?” Brad nodded at Rooster, who gave a brief nod back. “Gem?”

“Hey,” I said back. The short guy was in my peripheral vision and I could clearly see that his being ignored was making him upset. I decided not to comment on it as the coach ushered the four of them off to the field.

I moved back to my only other safe zone next to the coach as I watched the practice runs. Even from where I stood, I could see that Zook and McQuaid picked up on each other’s cues and made a great QB-WR team, which impressed me. Not many players could keep up with Zook’s quick throws.

“Go, go, go!” I cheered, to which I received a few laughs but I ignored them. Zook threw the ball as McQuaid ran to catch it – and he did. Rooster came running up to try to block him but McQuaid bulleted straight by. I cringed slightly as I saw Rooster flail his arms to try to catch himself before falling on his right arm.

He’d just gotten a tattoo recently and I wondered if that was hurting right now. Brad ran back to Rooster and helped him up before they exchanged a few words. Rooster brushed him off and walked straight over to me as he peeled his arm sleeve off looking at his bicep where the tattoo lay.

“Think that’ll be okay?” He asked.

I poked the red fish tattoo. The surrounding area wasn’t red or beginning to swell. It didn’t bleed.

“I think that’s fine,” I said, even though I wasn’t completely sure. I got my first tattoo when I turned 18 and it was on my lower back. My mom had made sure it healed properly so I didn’t know if Rooster’s tattoo was really okay or not. But nonetheless, the red-hawk jock nodded approvingly as he put his sleeve back on.

“Well, what do you think of McQuaid?” I asked him.

He gave me a weary look before we both looked at the guy in question. Zook was currently talking to him.

“Eh, he’s fine,” Rooster finally answered. We looked at each other and he smiled. “Definitely has the right tools to play college ball, that’s for sure.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, remembering what brought him to me in the first place.

“Fine. Nothing I can’t handle,” Rooster puffed out his chest as he spoke and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Nimrod,” I taunt.

“Idiot,” he muttered back just as Zook caught back up to us.

“Who’s the short guy?” I ask.

“Brad’s brother, I guess,” Zook answered. “Dude overheard me inviting Brad to the rush party tonight and kinda invited himself along.”

“What a dick,” Rooster commented. The three of us peered at the brothers who also looked at us.

“Why does he look so much older than McQuaid?” I ask rhetorically. Both boys don’t pick up on it though as they throw out random suggestions before heading back to the field for the next ninety minutes.

When walk-on day was over, coach announced that the first practice would be tomorrow afternoon before letting the boys take off. Zook and Rooster headed off to the showers while I waited outside.

“Hey, Gem?”

I turn sharply at the beckoning before nodding at Brad. “McQuaid.” I look at his brother. “New guy. What’s up?”

“Is there like a theme or a dress code for the party tonight?” Brad asked, a hint of nervousness in his tone.

“Nah, just be you,” I said. “It’s a rush party, and Zeta’s looking for the real you.”

Brad looked at his brother with a: ‘I-told-you-so’ look on his face before nodding back at me.

“Thanks.” He turned to leave when his brother stopped him. They whispered about me for a second before Brad groaned. “Jesus. This is Gem; she’s Zook’s sister. Gem, this is my brother Doug.”

“Cool,” I said simply, staring at the crow’s feet under Doug’s eyes. “Dude, how old are you?”

“I’m nineteen,” Doug answered.

“Right,” I said. The three of us fell into silence. Before any of us could break it, Rooster called my name and I practically ran away from the McQuaid duo. Zook came out a second later and bid Brad goodbye before we began walking to the Zeta Theta Psi frat house.

[tiny-personal-university-thing]

A Realistic Student's Guide to Surviving Finals

With finals rolling around - I'm sure we are all feeling the pressure. Here are just a few tips I hope will help you all during this stressful time in the semester.

Time Block Method ⏰

Find yourself a template online, here's one (x) or lay it out yourself. Block off times you know you will have time to study (you are home from class with no interruptions). You can get creative with it and use colors if you feel so inclined. This can just help you stay focused ahead of time. I'd say to go ahead and make it about a week or two out. It's similar to a 5 day study plan, but obviously will include all classes, time for meals, breaks, extra curricular activities, work, doctor's appointments, final projects, etc. Specify when you want to get things done.

Now, this technique doesn't work for everyone. Sometimes it doesn't even work for me because my schedule can get really crazy, and I just need to play it by ear. You know yourself best.

Pomodoro Technique 🍅

If time blocking one to two weeks in advance is not your style, you may find luck with the Pomodoro Technique.

You'll want to set a timer - perhaps on your phone (and then put your phone out of sight). Set the timer between 15-20 minutes during which you will work uninterrupted on your assignment/studying. Typically, when the timer goes off you will find that one of two things will occur: 1) you can work a couple more minutes and wrap things up or 2) you REALLY needed a break!

I actually love this method because when I sit down to study, I naturally feel a little drained after 20 minutes - so that's a good time to get up and stretch, send a quick text, check my social media real quick, or watch a short YouTube video. Whatever you need to do to decompress. Your prerogative.

Take It Slow 🐢

One chapter at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself by cramming 15 chapters worth of material in one sitting. Your brain is like an athlete - you don't want to overexert.

Create Your Own Study Guides📑

I always loved creating large study guides, complete with color-coded highlighting and diagrams. It's much easier to re-read notes that are written neatly (or even asthetically pleasing). Additionally, I've found that taking the time to highlight key material breaks up the monotony of taking copious amounts of notes.

Change of Scenery 🌻

If you find yourself restless while working in the same place you normally do - change it up. Go to a coffee shop, your school's library, a friend's place, or somewhere on campus. You might find that your motivation is rejuvenated.

Do The Task You are Dreading the Most F I R S T 🐸

Have a nasty, big research paper to write? Hate one subject in particular, and loathe studying it? Do it first. There’s a saying by Mark Twain, it goes something like “if the first thing you do in the morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you.” Your worst task is the frog

Utilize a Study App. 📲

Personally, I love love love Quizlet. It's portable and easily accessible through your phone, laptop or tablet. So any moment you have some spare time you can pull up tried and true old Quizlet and have a little study sesh. Features included on Quizlet such as the "Match," "Test," and "Spell" functions can prove to be useful in a myriad of different classes.

I also hear Forest is great! 

Something similar that I love (because you can get free stuff) is Pocket Points; however, you do need to have your location services on and you will need to be on your campus to obtain points. Again, it just rewards you for staying off of your phone for extended periods of time. I used PocketPoints all the time my freshman year to buy free tanning sessions before the tanning place wised up and realized they were losing a lot of money.

Try Teaching the Material to Another 👩‍🏫👨‍🏫

Your dog. Your mom. Your brother. Your best friend. Your boyfriend (even if he isn't really listening). Your classmate(s). Reiterating the material in your own words helps you retain it better.

If no one is around to listen (or you don't feel like you can bring yourself to make them sit through your tiny lecture) stand in the mirror and pretend like you are giving your own TedTalk over the subject. It works for Sims, doesn't it?

Don't Shy Away From Services Provided by Your Institution 📚

So tutoring centers, writing centers, office hours, peer mentors, etc. These services are typically free to you because you have already paid for them via your tuition. Basically, you won't be paying out of pocket and you might as well get your money's worth! Additionally, perhaps hearing a challenging concept explained to you differently by someone who is not your professor may help you figure it out.

Remember Your Handy Dandy Planner 📒

Planners are life and it is never too late to utilize one, or forge the habit of using one.

I wasn't always a die hard planner gal; however, this semester using my planner religiously has changed my life. You can always go paperless too, perhaps with an Outlook calendar or the calendar on your phone.

Rest 💤

Sleep is C R U C I A L.

Eat 🍴

Three square meals and two snacks. Feed your brain.

Stay Hydrated. 💧

This means water, folks. Man cannot survive on coffee alone.I think Jesus said that.

Don't Neglect Hygiene or Self Care 🛀

Warm showers, long baths (maybe one with bubbles or a bath bombs), a skin care routine, painting your nails, shaving, doing a face mask, washing your hair etc. can all help you decompress when the going gets tough.

Also showering and bathing? Self explanatory.

Take Breaks When You Need To🌙

Again, do not study to the point where you feel like you are about to crack. Let your brain breathe. Let your body breathe. Sit on your balcony for a few minutes. Talk to a friend. De-stress, not distress.

Try Epsom Salt Baths to Relieve Tension 🛁

Epsom salt baths are life changing. Choose your salts based on what you need; they can be both energizing (wake up) and relaxing (so you can fall asleep).

Personally, I like to stay in a hot tub until I break a sweat. While soaking I may pull up a YouTube video to get the ultimate detox effect. With this being said, there may be some of you with health concerns that limit your ability to do something like this. Again, know yourself.

Ask for Help When You Need It ❗

Whether it's regarding material, or you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or stress severe enough to cause you frequent headaches/stomachaches - ask for help. You will probably find dozens of people that will gladly help you however they can- they just had no idea you were struggling.

Take Advantage of Extra Credit Opportunities (aka Become A Point Whore) 🏫

This might give you a little extra cushion if every point matters for you. 

Believe In Yourself and Remember That You Got This. ☀️

You have to believe that you are capable of doing this! You are intelligent enough, you are worthy enough, you are strong enough to do this. 

If you feel like this semester may not go as well as you anticipated, and you need a 465% on the final to get a C in the class - talk to an advisor. Figure out a plan for the worst case scenario so that you are not left scrambling and freaking out after the semester is over.

Be honest with yourself about where you fell short this semester. How can you improve for next semester?

Remember that mistakes happen. We all fail sometimes. Failure is a part of the path to success, yes, but the only time you really fail is when you stop trying. So don't stop trying.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” -H. Ford

More Specific Posts:

Night Before Your Exam Pt. I

Night Before Your Exam Pt. II

Day of Your Exam

If your final is an essay look here or here 

Other Simple Study Methods

For Dead Day If You Want To Be Productive Without Studying

Academic Probation to the Dean’s List in One Semester is Totally Possible

To Remind You That You Are Not Alone - My {Formerly} Bad Student Story - Read if you struggle with chronic physical health and/or mental health + school

What are your favorite finals tips to study/stay focused/reduce stress? I encourage you all to comment and share what has worked best for you!

Happy studying, realistic students! Save the semester! 🌻☀️

[ficdirectory]

Blink (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

 Pearl is wishing right about now that she didn’t have cell service, like Jesus.  For the last who-knows-how-many hours, she has been on the phone with her mother, who heard about her New Year’s Eve trip to the grocery store with Jesus and is freaking out for no reason.

“Honey, I’m just worried.  It’s not normal to be hanging out with a teenage boy like that.”

 “What do you mean like that?”  Pearl asks, between clenched teeth.

 “Gladys called me,” Mom says in a knowing tone.  

 Gladys.  Otherwise known as the world’s nosiest cashier at Super One, who has worked there for decades and makes it her business to bring up Pearl’s business every time their paths cross.

 “She says that you went shopping yesterday with some teenage boy and ignored her when she spoke to you.  Now, that’s not how I raised you.”

 “I was busy.  I had things to get.  It wasn’t personal,” Pearl insists, grunting as Gracie shifts her weight.  She has taken up residence on Pearl’s lap, at Pearl’s request.  Mom’s always a big stressor.

 “And what about the boy?  Is that personal?” Mom persists.

 “Mother.  Seriously?  It’s nothing like that.  We’re friends.”

 “Friends,” she says this like it’s a dirty word.  “You’re not sixteen anymore, Pearl.”

 “Yes, I’m aware,” Pearl grinds out.

 “You can’t just go shopping with a sixteen year old boy and claim he’s your friend.  People will talk.”

 “Please.  People already talk,” Pearl scoffs.

 “So why play into it?”

 Pearl stops short.  “You think this is a game?” she asks.  “That my life is a game?  That I would dare view it that way after what I’ve been through?”

 “Oh stop!  You’re always so dramatic!  And don’t think I didn’t notice that you changed the subject.  What about the boy?”

 “I told you.  We’re friends.  That’s it,” Pearl insists.  There’s no way she’s gonna ask Mom about Jesus now that she’s been talking to Gladys.  She wasn’t going to anyway, but talking to Gladys just really sealed it.  “I can’t talk now, Mom, I need to go.”

 Before her mom can respond, Pearl’s hung up and searching for Pav online.  They don’t usually talk at night, but Pearl has to vent to somebody, and her mom is right about one thing: Pearl can be Jesus’s emotional support all she wants, but Pearl can’t lean on him on good conscience.  Not the same way she might lean on a peer.

 It’s almost 9 PM, but Pav is there.  Answers on the first ring.  She looks tired, but isn’t sleeping.

 “Hey.  You okay?”

 “No.  You?” Pav answers.

 “No.”

 “Tell me,” Pav insists quietly.  “It’s easier to hear about somebody else’s life.”

 “So you know Frank’s grandson?  My mother caught word of him going with me to the grocery store yesterday and thinks it’s, like, indecent or something.”

 “People read sex into everything…  I tell my brother about you, and he thinks we’re together...”

 “She said we couldn’t be friends, but seemed to have no problem insinuating that we were something else entirely.  Something gross and totally inappropriate.  When is she gonna realize I’m not interested in that.  At all.  Ever.  Wait.  Your brother thinks we’re lesbians?”

 “Yeah.  I hate that the whole world revolves around sex…”

 “Me, too.” Pearl sighs.

 “But we are together, right?  As friends?” Pav checks.

 “Of course.  Always.  You can call me, too, you know?  If you need me…”

 “I just haven’t known what to say,” Pav admits, looking away from the camera.

 “So?  I can still be here.  We can just sit.”

 “Okay.”

 “Okay,” Pearl echoes.

 It’s silent a long time, and then, Pav speaks.  “Don’t let your Mom tell you friendships ain’t legit because they are.  You and Frank’s grandson are friends.  You are his mentor, if that’s what you wanna be.  He needs his parents to be okay about it, but you don’t need that same approval.”

 “How’d you get to be so smart about all this?” Pearl asks, wiping away a tear.

 “Surround myself with good people.” Pav says, looking right into Pearl’s eyes.

 --

 Jesus wakes up abruptly and realizes he never checked the locks.  Never checked the cabin.  What if someone’s here?

 He’s boiling now under seventy billion layers of clothing and with the heater blasting and the blankets.  He gets up and the floorboards creak under him.  

 “You okay?” Mariana asks.

 “Yeah.  Just…”  Jesus can’t quite get his breath.  The middle of the night panic hadn’t been a thing since before he started checking the locks.  

 “I’m gonna turn on a light.  Hang on.”

 Jesus blinks and covers his eyes.  Slowly, he can focus on Mariana.  “I think somebody might be here.”

 “Because you didn’t check the locks?  Mom did.  She made sure we were safe before she went to bed.”

 Jesus just looks at her, feeling desperate.  He hates this feeling.  The not knowing if someone was actually in the cabin with them or not.  Before, He had a way of sneaking around.  Coming back when Jesus least expected it.  Once, when he thought he and Isaac were safe, He actually had come back and it was the worst day ever.  Of all the things that happened to Jesus, nothing had been as bad as hearing what had been done to Isaac.

 He’s so lost in memories he almost doesn’t hear Mariana calling his name:

 “Jesus.  If you wanna check together, we can.  I’ll come with you.”

 Numbly, Jesus gets up.  He hates when the memories blindside him like this.  Because he’s not gonna be able to sleep now.  Or if he does sleep he’s gonna wake up screaming.  And that’s gonna scare the hell out of Mariana.

 The two of them steal through the cabin, trying to be totally quiet so nobody will notice and wake up.  Jesus checks the locks only once, because checking once is okay, but checking more than that is crossing the line.  Even though what they should really be doing is checking the whole cabin to make sure nobody’s in here that shouldn’t be.

 Everything’s locked.  Nothing was open.  But still.  Jesus can’t wrap his mind around how Pearl can sleep with her cabin wide open to the whole world, practically.

 Jesus and Mariana get back to Brandon and Jude’s room.  Jesus’s nose and throat are burning.  His eyes are blurry.

 Mariana just sits in front of him.  She’s tired but there are questions in her eyes that she won’t ask, because she respects him and sees him as a person.  She knows it’s hard for him not to answer when people - even family - ask him about what happened.  So, out of respect for him they don’t.  It’s his to bring up,and they’re always willing to listen if he does.

 But it’s hard to bring up anything when your heart’s breaking.

 “Ask what I’m thinking about,” he prompts softly.

 “What are you thinking about?” Mariana asks genuinely, as if the question really came from her all along, instead of needing to be vetted through him first.

 She offers a hand.  

 He opens his arms.  

 He needs more than his hand held right now.  This is so terrible.  To be dealing with this grief now.  For the first time, really.  Because for years Jude had been a walking trigger for the memory of what happened to Isaac so it was a bit like he was still alive.  Now, it’s just really obvious he’s not.  They never should have met.  Jesus shouldn’t have intervened.  That way, maybe, Isaac could still be alive.

 Mariana hugs him, just as easily as she talks to him.  There is no hesitation.  Nothing feels weird with them.  He tries to blink back the tears but they just keep coming.  “My friend…” he whispers.  “I’m thinking about my friend.”

 She squeezes.  It means okay.  It means I hear you.  It means I’ve got you.  It means I’m here.

 Jesus has talked about Isaac a bunch in therapy, but mostly only there.  No one in his family knows details about the boy he got to know when both were living in hell.  He knows about survivor’s guilt.  Knows that’s what he’s feeling.  But it doesn’t change how he’s feeling.

 “I had this friend.  Before,” Jesus confides in whispers.  “He got taken after me.  And we were like family to each other.  But…I got the idea we could run, and I helped him escape, but we were so busy we didn’t hear...the door opened upstairs.  So, it makes me nervous to not know who’s here.  And I also feel like crap because I feel like it’s my fault my friend isn’t here.”

 “Your friend…  I didn’t know him...but I don’t think he blames you.  Friends don’t do that.  Family doesn’t do that.”

 “The last thing he did was see snow.  And I thought...maybe if I came here, and saw it, too…  It would be like we were together.  But I just feel so damn lonely, Mariana.  Because he should be here.  But he’s not ‘cause I screwed up.”

 “Hey.  Listen to me.  You did not hurt your friend.  You tried to help.  Just like he would have done for you if the situation had been reversed.  Right?”

 “He said it was on me,” Jesus manages.

 “Your friend?” Mariana whispers, shocked.

 “No.  Him.”  Jesus wills her to understand the distinction.

 “Well, yeah.  He probably would do that, okay?  Because He’s the actual worst.  He did those bad things, okay?  Not you.  You did good things because you’re good.  You tried to help.”

 Jesus has got to hand it to Mariana.  She’s really trying.  But it’s just not getting in.  It doesn’t matter what she says because he already knows the truth.  Isaac’s mom can’t have him back ever again because Jesus screwed up.

 “Trying isn’t good enough,” he breathes, remembering Mom’s words from earlier this week.  He did it when he knew better.  He’s so stupid.

 “You need Mama?” she wonders.  

 As far as Jesus knows, Moms have steered clear since he froze his ass off in the shower, since that stuff makes him feel epically vulnerable.  But right about now, he really does need her.  The thing is, he shouldn’t get to have his mom.  Especially since Isaac can’t have his.

 Mariana studies him and nods.  “Yeah.  Okay, come on.  We’ll go together.  Can I tell her what’s up or do you want to?”

 “You,” he manages.

 They slip downstairs again, and Mariana doesn’t even hesitate at knocking on Moms’ door.  Mom gets it.

 “What is it, guys?”

 “Jesus needs Mama,” Mariana insists softly.

 In seconds, she’s here at the door, and leading them out to the living room where they all stand.  Mariana whispers to Mama and squeezes his hand, then she walks back upstairs.

 Mama’s in front of him now.  In the light of one lamp from the living room.  She’s so tired too, obviously, but she showed up for him.  Now, she just stands here, with so much compassion in her eyes.

 He looks back.  Swallows.  Crosses his arms.

 “Can I hold you, bud?” she asks, finally.

 But Jesus can’t respond to that.  Doesn’t deserve that.  Tears are here.  He’s shaking.  It’s so embarrassing, but he can’t stop.  Luckily he’s not loud, so everybody else can keep sleeping.  He shakes his head no.

 “What can I do?”

 “Nothing,” he gasps.  “I’ll be fine.”

 But he’s not, obviously.

 When she extends a hand, he jerks back.  “I don’t deserve it…” he manages.  “I’m awful.”

 “You are not awful.  You’re my son.  You deserve respect and compassion and comfort.”

 “You don’t know what happened…” he breathes, voice breaking.  

 “Your friend?  Isaac?  What happened to him was not your fault.  No matter what you were told.  Do you remember how when you came home, you were confused that we were still looking for you because of lies He told you?  Do you remember how He called you dumb when you are very smart?  He lied about everything.  He lied about this, too, honey.  I need you to believe me.  You are not to blame.”

 “It’s not fair,” Jesus sniffs.

 “No, it’s not.  You boys should all be home with your parents right now, and He took that away from your friend.  Because He didn’t see you as people.  But you are, Jesus.  And Isaac was, too.  I can’t imagine how painful this is for you, and I’d really like to hold onto you to comfort you.”

 “I don’t deserve you.  Or this.  Or anything.”

 “You do deserve me.  And you deserve to be talked to.  And held when you hurt.  May I please, honey?  I can see you’re upset.”

 “Fine,” his voice cuts out.

 “Yes?” she checks.

 “Yes…” he whispers.

 Her arms come around him and Jesus can feel his knees get weak.  Mama comes down with him.  She never lets go.  Just holds him.  

 Jesus feels like he’s broken into pieces.

 But he has no doubt that in Mama’s arms she has all of him with her.  And she’s just waiting until he can start to heal.

 This, Jesus knows, is just the beginning.