#she always used kawaii specifically which i love

[paperconsumption]

bishium really was the only one who gave a fuck about their mutants, literally the second she dies baraom and darom cause a mutant to rebel by openly discussing how little they care about his home being destroyed. whenever she mourned a mutant death going noo my beloved mutanttttt they must’ve shared a Look. so glad you care about these little freaks bishium but that won’t be me

[wavy-arms]

"You shouldn't ship them! They see each other as siblings!!"

I've seen people say this about Rengoku and Mitsuri again and again, very often as a way to shut down others who are having fun with the Renmitsu ship. Not only is it annoying to constantly run into this from people who don't really know what they're talking about, but it's also inaccurate and way oversimplifies their cute dynamic! Let's dig deeper.

For a moment, let's also just forget about the above panel where she is very obviously all 🥰 at him and, instead, let's go straight to the source: what the Pillars all think about each other in the official guidebook. Better yet, let's look at it in the original Japanese!

Now, I am still a student of Japanese. I am by no means fluent, so if I make any mistakes, please feel free to let me know! I'm always looking to learn something new.

First, from Rengoku:

才能が凄い！技の独創性も凄い！可愛い後輩！

Sainō ga sugoi! Waza no dokusō-sei mo sugoi! Kawaii kōhai!

In the first two sentences, he's praising her big time! "Her talent is amazing! The creativity/ingenuity of her technique is also amazing!" In the last sentence, he calls her a cute kōhai. If you're familiar with the term senpai, then kōhai is the alternative. It's just a term to refer to a junior coworker or classmate. Mitsuri joins the Demon Slayer Corps. after him, and he was her mentor before he became the Flame Hashira. (However, in the Rengoku gaiden, he tells her that they are no longer master & student, but instead equal peers. Overall, he clearly thinks she's very skilled and also cute.

Next, from Mitsuri:

かっこいいお兄様！一緒に修行して楽しかった。可愛がってもらった！

Kakkoii onii-sama! Issho ni shugyō shite tanoshikatta. Kawaigatte moratta!

The first sentence, translated literally, just says "Cool big brother!" Now, one thing that makes Japanese both fun and difficult is that speakers often rely on context and omit entire parts of the sentence that an English speaker would normally use. In this case, in English, you wouldn't just say "Cool big brother!" You might say something like "He's like a cool big brother to me" or "I view him as a cool big brother figure." In this case, we don't have that. What we do have, however, is cultural context! In Japanese culture, familial terms are often used as terms of endearment or respect with people close to the speaker or even politely with strangers. So it would be normal to call an older male "big brother" even if they weren't actually your brother. (Kind of similarly, if you're at all familiar with Korean culture, girls often call their own boyfriends 오�� (obba), which means — you guessed it — "older brother.") Here, Mitsuri refers to Rengoku as onii-sama, and that last part is important! The -sama suffix is super polite and formal, and long story short, you wouldn't normally refer to someone in your own in-group (family, circle of friends, etc.) with such a formal, respectful title. It is, however, a term you might use to refer to someone else's brother. So there's a very good chance that she's not saying "he's my cool older brother" but instead "he's a cool older brother!" And he is! He's an amazing older brother to Senjurō, and Mitsuri knows this. [UPDATE: I've spoken with a couple people who know way more about the Japanese language than me and, apparently, in this context onii-sama literally just means "guy." 🤣 She's literally just saying "He's a cool guy!"]

[UPDATE #2: I've also recently learned that kakkoii doesn't really mean "cool," but is instead a compliment specifically to men that means something more like, "good-looking, handsome, or cool in a manly way." INTERESTING. 👀]

In the next sentence, she says, "It was fun training together!" Pretty straightforward. The last sentence is very, very interesting, because at a cursory translation, Google would tell you that it just straight-up means, "I was loved!" Sounds intense, but that's not really accurate. Let's break it down. Kawaigatte moratta! Kawaigatte, if I'm not mistaken, is an inflection of the transitive verb kawaigaru, which Jisho translates as "to be affectionate to; to treat tenderly; to dote on; to show one's love (for); to cherish." Other translations usually say something like, "He really doted on me." But essentially she’s saying, "He treated me with tenderness/affection" or, "He made me feel loved/cherished." 💖

So there you go! Not that a fan ship like Renmitsu even needs this kind of validation anyway, but it might be nice to have something you can keep in your back pocket for the next time someone is being annoying about it. There's enough here to show that they really have a lot of affection for each other. They're so adorable~!

(Side note: there are other examples of Mitsuri's attraction to him in the gaiden [pictured above] and in at least one of the light novels. I might write about that, too.)

[itslouisan]

My Draculaura headcanons!:

(i mix g1 and g3!)

- Draculaura in my head is childhood friends with Valentine, they used to play together, have tea parties and sleepovers, after they rebonded Drac reassured Val it was fine, and hey, they still have tea parties, like old times

- in my headcanons she still leans MORE to the vampire side than witch, and in witch terms, she's actually a necromancer (big difference) and tarot reader

- she was the one to bring Ghoulia back to life and that actually makes them bond since it breaks how vampires tended to see zombies

- hear me out....demigirl?

- vivid fan of Melanie Martinez, likes J-pop and kawaii musics, loves musicals her fav being legally blond and listens to Malice Mizer

- she LOVES japanese subcultures and I actually picture her living some years in Japan more specifically Kyoto after graduating MH

- absolutely has a sweet fang and loves to bake red velvet heart shaped cake pops

- her and Clawd are still together and every noon they cuddle together in the dorms while watching movies and eating sweets

- I picture that the profession Draculaura would like to have (in which I also hc she'd love to have multiple jobs, beware Barbie she'll steal your place) being: fashionista, vampiric history teacher, necromancy teacher in MH, baker, photographer working probably with Elissabat for promos in her movies or even as far as working as a Japanese idol

- DEFINITELY has a garden that is just hers in her father's manor and Dracula makes sure it's perfectly taken care of so when she comes back Draculaura isn't too worried for the plants, her favorite flower being black roses and sakura flowers in their pink shade

- definitely in her time in the vampiric court Draculaura would sneak away with Valentine and Elissabat and just explore the town at night instead of focusing on the balls, though she'd come right on time for the dance and would always call either Elissabat or Valentine as dance partners

- THE NIECE OF THE VAMPIRE FROM SESAME STREET AND COUNT CHOCULA.

- girly loves to read and collect shoujo manga and extra cutesy slice of life manga.

- once dressed Frankie up in gothic lolita, it became their hobby to once a weekend get all girls together and dress up in lolita for photos

- learnt about her taiwanese heritage a bit later and took some late blooming to enjoy it, these days she constantly enjoys being connected to taiwanese culture

- as someone deficient of GH (growth hormone and also linked to some teen hormones such as what causes periods and boob growth) I like to imagine Draculaura actually has the same thing and that's what caused her to be a late bloomer on both psychically and in her vampire side, which was what got her interested into witchcraft.

- besties with Spelldon I don't make the rules

- auntie of Valentine's and Spelldon kids as well as the aunt of any of her best ghouls friends

Side note: I never read her diary since as a kid I didn't have basic Draculaura but her variations so I'm sorry if some info is incorrect due to diary content, also I only want to read her diary when I have my own g1 basic Draculaura

Also: @strawberry-spectre some of these are for u and inspired from your blog!!

Same for @mugcakey

[saccharinemeat]

D , K , L , S , T , W , Z . good monin .... looks at you respectfully kissin ... hi ..... hello . hey

Answerin' this so latey but still! myah myah

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Depends on fandom,but from iii, clover/nickel and candle/silver spoon. which i know you do like but i just cant help but be annoyed by em sometimes. particularly the latter cuz yknow. f/o.

non object and unrelated to shared fandoms, definitely Jonmartin. I know they're canon i know wah wah the dinghy I DONT FUCKING CARE. martin is a little bitch to Jon during the eyepocalypse and idk. idk he gets on my nerves. JonMichael forever actually. (And i like martin with peter lukas. toxic gilf win.)

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Depends on the fandom, object wise i wanna say Balloon (especially in iii), and while i also love Flowers arc i feel she got a bit watered down at the end of bfb. Quite curious to know where Robot Flower's is going though. Non object fandom, I wanna say Riko from made in abyss has some amazing development,and in general the arc around Vueroeruko and Irumyuu was fucking insane. Sobbing immediately and violently.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.

Ugh. Candle is not a bitch and im mostly just uncomfortable with how close she is with silver and her chill attitude is Annoying to a certain degree. Cabby is Fine in the very late episodes and her friendship with yinyang is Nice. Non object related, uhh. uhhhh. idk i dont have any MAJOR hatred i think. or if i do it's so bad i Deleted them from my brain lmao.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon

Oh there's so many, I'll try to stay away from my super edgy ones You Know,but let's see. object specific, here's a handful,will just do objects here cuz easier:

test tube is a coffee nerd. She loves all the borderline sciencey work to pull a single shot of espresso. and she WILL get annoying about it if not stopped

Baseball and Cheesy both have braces

Knife is a big fan of kawaii shit and loves the color pink. After the dora incident he's less shy about having one or two little keychains or plushies.

Tree likes to smoke and is in his late 30s. I will Not elaborate,i just know I'm Correct.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

some headcanons ill die defending are mostly darker ones,honestly. but i guess heres some misc. ones from multiple fandoms

- Julian (The Arcana) has BPD and i will never back off from that

- Kenny (south park) sometimes is cis and sometimes isn't,depending how his body regenerated after the latest death

- Yin and Yang (inanimate insanity) have an extremely codependent fucked up relationship

- Rick (Rick & Morty) is bilingual and can speak spanish perfectly. Yes i know this is basically canon but goddamn if the show NEVER brings it up. Im salty about this.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Any fucking barista/florist/whatever the fuck AU. you people are boring,jesus. And poorly done Enemies to Lovers (ENEMIES ARE EQUALS) or Bully/Victim ships portrayed as good (toxic dynamics can stay tho)

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

Bro I'm tired,, but i wanna talk about fandom in general and how fucking annoying it is that people are always going for wholesome and pure and fluffy and like. yes that's fine and all but i miss when fandom was owned by the freaks. I feel like even the concept of fandom has gone far FAR too mainstream and it's annoying as all hell. It's difficult to not want to just live in a little corner. Also people treat writers and artists like fucking. content machines and it sucks so much. people used to establish friendships over this but now even requests are BARELY polite. Bleh. Also bring the kinkmeme livejournals back

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

WHOA COOL TAG thanks for tagging me!

Thank you for the tag, @sableglass!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i write lots of things but i prefer writing novels above all else : ) though i really love haikus and limricks! mostly for fun, my faovorite haiku writer is koboyashi issa!

What genre do you prefer reading?

for me its almost anything in a fanatastical setting of some sort, i love anything similar to wuxia and stuff like that and victorian setting stuff, anything thats set away from the modern era though im getting a bit fonder of that, im not as fond of sci-fi but its still definitely got its winners out there! i love things that go beyond the mundane and explore things strange and new but are still relatable!

Are you a planner or a “write as I go” kind of person?

im a mix! but i incorperate a lot of planning, i often use a style i learned while researching iyasheki where i ask a question, answer it, and propose another to guide us into the next chapter. its not always quite that smooth, but that really helps me set up my chapters and it gives me a lot of room to work with and i usually make a mini version of my plans and then expand heavily on it. sometimes i also like to write down the entire plot again without referencing my old one to see what sticks and stays and try out different branching paths before i settle on what i want to write. and even then by the time i get to my actual writing, the final decisions are actually those of the characters. They decide more than I do how the story really goes, they kind of develop a life and personality of their own once they're fleshed out enough. I cant really push them in a direction they dont consent to, they just dont allow it. That's why Acianne made the decisions she made near the end. i had something way more tragic and awful planned...

but it seems even the omnipotent one whos hands shape their world, cant budge her. Who she was and who Ciero was, who they were to each other, those things were more important than my plans. I like it more that way though, they wrote a sweeter story than i Meant to. and yet also, a bit sadder.

Ciero decided to take his own memories, not me. That was never part of my plans. He changed *everything* in that moment and reshaped the entire story with that. Its kind of beautiful to me. I like my characters most when they develop independence, it keeps things interesting for me as a writer, since even I don't know what's going to happen until we reach 'the end'

What music do you listen to while writing?

i have a playlist with like 500 songs on it but i prefer to make a playlist with songs that really fit the vibe of what scene im writing or what book im writing.. my books have specific playlists usually and if i cant get in the mood to write ill walk around and listen to them and once i get into daydreaming about my characters mode, sure enough, i want to write again!

Favorite books/movies?

anything studio ghibli just about

loved howls moving castle the book

a series of unfortunate events

warrior cats was an old classic

i love a LOT of different anime but iyasheki is probably my favorite genre-

the chronicles of narnia (where do you think my love of isekai came from?) gaurdians of ga hoole

that sort of thing!

Any current WIPs?

Halcyon! which you can read for free right here right now!

i also have afew video games and other writing projects im editing/working on- but this is my main big thingy rn!

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

probably a weird jacket, im almost always wearing a jacket and black leggings of some sort. Very likely weird silly kawaii cutsey details. im usually wearing my halloween sanrio jacket for reference- and i LOVE having cute acessories. i think i'd be the kind of cartoon character who's got a jacket that changes all the time-

Create a character description of yourself:  (well if i had to design myself and describe what i look like though i dont HAVE a jacket like this quite yet and i DO want it)

The odd woman approached the register, her hair a curly wreck from having the windows down in her car that has no ac. She wore a jacket emblazoned with cute pink and purple colors and rabbits in silly costumes across its design and a long pair of rabbit ears dangling from the hood, she cheerfully purchased a pumpkin spice latte before immediately spilling it all down her front. She doesnt even look surprised, she apologises profusely for the mess. instead of cleaning herself off she cleans off the floor. when asked, she says "its just going to get more coffee on it in a minute, theres no hope for it anymore. such is my life." Then she awkwardly tries to leave a tip in the tip jar and apologises because she doesnt know how tipping works, she goes to her table and thinks about the several hundred other times shes failed to tip people properly. She wishes she could remember what her mom told her about tipping more than she remembered how bad she was at tipping. She proceeds to spill coffee on her self again because her hands are weird and numb still because she stayed up till 5 am writing again, her friends are still yelling at her to go to bed. she has not yet, in fact, gone to bed.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

oh dear, i try not to, though if a friend makes an oc for a world and they give me permission i might add them as a little easter egg! Theres definitely some aspects of people i know and real life experiences really influence how things turn out, but my characters tend to be people of their own and i would struggle to even write a self insert, every time ive tried they wind up being someone seperate from me. The idea of making a literal one to one of people i actuall yknow in my books makes me uncomfortable-

Are you kill happy with your characters?

not at all! i try to save killing for important scenes where its really the only way things are likely to go. if someone dies its usually my characters decision, not mine. (for example: halcyon was supposed to be almost entirely death free!)

im very CRUEL to my characters sometimes, but i dont like to kill them. I like to believe that the story isint done untill it's found a satisfying conclusion, unless the point of the story is for it to specifically dissatisfy the reader. I like the idae of happy endings, and that everything will be okay. I dont like for things to end on a bitter note, tragedies arent for me.

I've got enough hardship in my life, i want to believe that the good in this world is the important part i need to focus on, not the bad. Therefore, i write happy endings, no matter how sad the middle and beginning might be. Maybe its not going to be the perfect ending, or an ending that has no suffering or problems, but i want endings that feel like the start of something new and beautiful. I believe life comes in chapters, and that no bad thing is the true end, nor is any good thing, the nature of life is to contenue, thus my stories dont really end with a happily ever after, they end with "so what's next?"

Coffee or Tea while writing?

I chose coffee a lot because its the easier option and its readily available, tea is a more mindful drink i like to share with friends and id like to drink it more often, but i rarely have much energy, so it often results in cup after cup of coffee. My energy levels are getting a bit better though with time (though a week or two ago i had such a severe pain flare it put me in a bit of a slump) and i think, at least in theory, tea would be my bigger option really.

Tea is my theoretical ideal, but coffee is very nice too. Other than coffee and tea though i almost exclusively drink water (or occasionally other special drinks) and hot cocoa is another big favorite of mine!

Slow or fast writer?

f a s t f a st f ast i beat nanowrimo in six days and wrote another 50,000 word book in only 3. this however, has its ...consequences. so i cant really keep this going long term, im trying to write at a saner pace- so i can actually write MORE because im less injured. My first book took me like five or more years to write, but once you write the first one its not realyl scary anymore. the first mountain you climb is a mountain, the second is something you know what you're doing with, and the more mountains you climb, well, the more it just becomes a part of you. Eventually its not "i climbed a whole mountain" its "im a mountain climber" also youre all taking books way too seriously by the way, the sooner you let yourself let go of the belief books are this giant insurmountable thing, the easier writing is. books are actually just as much a hobby as any other creative skill can be. Theres a reason fanfiction writers casually crank out thousands of words. They're not as scared!

editing is slow- slow slow slow. but hopefully once ive done it once i wont be scared anymore and itll be easy too <3

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

everything, absolutely everything, good and bad, life, experiences, other media, friends and loved ones, old ideas, random prompts, sometimes i even make up fun challenges. I consider finding a source of inspiration to be one of the most fun parts of creating actually! it helps you create a challenge. one of my favorite things to do is to take an ida (example using halcyon again: "what if a villain was trying to SAVE a hero and they were the protagonist of a book instead of the hero?" and they played a genuinely positive role in the narrative? what if the power of love was terrifying? what if the only thing that could save the day was refusing to fight someone or trusting someone dangerous???)

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

a dragon with a big hoard of books perhaps and tea... one that can turn into a human and sneak about as i please and writes books to share with people... but a cute dragon thats fluffy and feathery and warm for snuggling <3 that sounds fun to me!

Most fav book cliche:

Clown like or court jestery characters that know too much (or really just in general)

dad trauma = missing an eye for some reason

isekai protagonist amazed and confused in another world and or pretending they tottaly know whats goign on to try to fit in while secretly freaking out

found famliy-

wu m pl es

wacky professors and general chaotic beings-

glowing mushrooms

transformation as a means of self exploration and change and a chance for others to care for a character who normally wont let themselves be cared for

fighting as a form of connecting iwth others through battle especially a sword fight

*when someones injured on their back and someone else cleans and bandages the wounds*

Least favorite cliche:

anything that causes second hand emberassment sucks for me-

also this one here is probably kind of controversial and i think its based on something that really is well intentioned and is meant to be "this guy thinks its so rediculous to be sexist that hes offended when hes accused of being sexist" but...i find that it actually makes me dislike a male character and it also makes me dislike the female character, like, both instantly become less pleasant characters to me even if they were previously really cool. this trope is...

when a female character understandably expects a man to be sexist and then he dismisses it like actually no its because *insert legitimate reason here* it just kind of makes me feel more nervous about defending my right to be respected as a person and human being and set proper boundaries, because "well what if theyre not REALLY being sexist and im just being stupid and accusatory" its not nessiarily that its a bad trope or something, but it feels like its "makes the male character look better at the expense of a female characters likeability, making her concerns about being seen as an equal seem rediculous" i guess partially because it could also be done better. like it could be done so well? instead of validating her concerns by going "i dont know what kind of awful guys you've had to deal with , but im not going to treat you that way. Im doing this because *insert legitimate reason here* , i know how competent you are"

Plus its almost always done between romantic interests...

I think romantic interests should ...respect and care about each others feelings you know? If a guy really wants you to feel safe and protected, why is it that when she expresses she feels threatened in some way that his instinct is to make her feel stupid instead of making her feel like he recognises the actual threats she will experience in her life as a woman? Its also almost ALWAYS a manly man other men are expected to look up to. the hot man who women are supposed to desire...

...ill be honest if a man reacted like that to me when i expressed concerns he might be mistreating me due to my gender...i'd never date that guy, because he showed me he doesnt know how to show respect to my concerns.

also it makes me really sad when theres a cute animal character that gets killed : ( that makes me really really sad.

when optimistic characters are treated like they're idiots for being optimistic and the moral of the story is the world sucks and everything is awful. As a very optimistic and cheerful person let me tell you if you make it to adult hood and youre STILL OPTIMISTIC AND CHEERFULL you arent that way beacuse youre oblivious to the worlds problems and an idiot who can't think for themselves, you probably held onto that happiness as tightly as you could and fought hard to believe this world is still a place worthy of saving , loving, and caring about. To love others, to trust others, and to believe good things can happen and yet to survive and protect ones heart through the hardships in life is amazing

not to mention the idea that optimisim is stupid and reckless is frankly, dangerous in some ways. Being optimistic about outlooks in life can actively change your health and can increase the likelyhood of someone spontaniously even going into remission from cancer or surviving a surgery. even just having a negative expectation for a surgery or THINKING it might go poorly can make it go poorly because our bodies are REALLY freaking weirdly affected by our assumptions about things (hence why the placebo affect works!)

plus you dont reduce the amount of suffering when you dont let yourself get your hopes up about things! you dont actually protect yourself from any pain, yes this also is based on some studies ive read, so its actually tottaly fine to get your hopes up for things. Personally ive just learned to let myself be excited for things but also accept and be okay with when they dont go as planned.

oh i dont get to go to disney land? well it was nice to be excited for aw hlie about the concept, and we can reschedule or plan something else nice. I probably have some free time to do something nice now. Oh? i do get to go? YAY! how wonderful! either way im happy, at the very least, it feels nice to be excited about something right? which means you got something positive already.

accepting dissapointment doesnt mean suffering, thats wallowing, not accepting. but its okay to still be bothered. as long as you respect your own feelings and adress them in a healthy way itll be okay.

so like yeah i find it really upsetting when the moral of a story is "never feel hope, the world is an awful place, and being happy is stupid" especially because books are one of the most effective ways to change someones view of the world...

I dont like when a book tries to convince me im stupid for finding peace and happiness in this world. I still think these tropes should get to exist though, every trope has its purpose and just because i dont like them doesnt mean my opinion holds more value to anyone elses. So im fine with others disagreeing as long as they are respectful to me, i got kind of derailed though didint I? this is kind of a heavy topic hahah- sorry about that

Favorite scene to write?

when a character who has suffered deeply is loved and feels safe

when hope returns

when things finally calm down and your wounds can be cleaned and you feel safe and loved.

Scenes that show the trust and love and understanding between characters, little details that show how long two characters have known each other, or how their lives have effected them like Keito checking Eichi's pulse under casual circumstances or checking that he's still breathing.

Or Ciero being able to look over Aciannes room and perfectly picture how her morning was, and knowing what Carling wants even when he cant communicate verbally.

Reason for writing? It began when i was young, just a child on the playground, autistic and ostricised for being ..well kind of a little weird creature. I felt alone, and strange, and like i didnt belong in the world, and i wanted to have something safe and quiet to lose myself in where no one bullied me or bothered me.

Books were there for me, and back then i wanted to write books that were there for others like me, books that encouraged others to keep going, keep trying, to believe that happy endings exist.

it changed over the years

sometimes it was for the validation of others, wanting to be loved and so i wanted to be impressive, so i wanted to show "see i have value despite how weird i am, please accept me, please love me"

and sometimes it was "ive learned a lot over the course of my life, things i wish dearly someone had told me, i want to tell stories where the things i learn can find those who need them, i want to wipe tears and i want to create a safe place to grow and heal. I want to help my readers heal, the same way books have helped me heal, and to perhaps spare others some of the pain ive suffered in the process"

and other times it was "I want my characters worlds to play out, i want to see what will happen, i want to set the pieces in place and see what unfolds. i want to see my world come to life"

and sometimes it was just a challenge to prove to myself what i can do.

Now its taken on something a tad more selfish , but a lot more fun.

Now i write because its fun, it makes me happy, i love the craft itself, and learning why and how different things work. i love discussing writing, i love WRITING itself, and i love finding new ways to better embrace one of my most precious skills.

Writing has become my passion *something i love* and i seek to understand and grow in. Now i write for myself, sometimes to work through my own things, sometimes to bring life to something, but always at its core, i want to write for myself, and to be self indulgent and have fun.

I try to love writing the way I love art. I want to write for myself, and not a noble craft that changes lives and hearts. if it does that in the process then i couldnt be happier, but if not, then what matters is writing changes my life and helps me understand my own heart better.

for example lately, i can look back on all my writing...and i see the gentle foreshadowing of my love for my dear boyfriend in its earliest stages and how it blossomed for him, and even where i began to be more okay with the idea that perhaps, love was not so scary and awful a thing...and how many things mirrored my love for him in its earliest stages.

Theres no better tattle-tale than a book, let me tell you...but its very hard to read a book and catch the authors tail in the process unless you know them well.

their favorite and least favorite tropes for example...are the wakes made from an authors tail you know?

and if you dig under the surface enough youll sometimes find things even the author doesn't know about themselves

hence why the curtains being blue matters so much.

*i* sure didnt know why I liked jesters and clowns so much, but dear frick did i feel exposed when my friends told me why I do-

hoo boy, thats also probably the scariest thing about writing though..

Writeblr Interview Tag

Thank you for the tag, @sableglass!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

To read, all of the above. To write, I’m very good with journal articles and short stories but if left unchecked some of them might turn into giant novels.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Fantasy, romance, adventure, but really anything that brings me into a world different from ours. Also I have a weakness for dragons and animals in general, so anything that tangentially involves them is on my radar.

Are you a planner or a “write as I go” kind of person?

I am trying really hard to be a planner! My first big story project crashed because I tried to write as I go, resulting in a mess of scenes with the same ideas in five different pages at the same time (including the backside of hundreds of drawings) and too many re-starts to count. Lots of re-writing that didn’t fix the core issues, and ultimately more material added to the chaos. It did not work out.

My current WIP, Project TL, is going at a slower pace, but this time I made sure to organise everything from the start so it’s actually pretty neat and I have no trouble navigating my files or editing!

What music do you listen to while writing?

Sometimes it’s a song, sometimes just music, sometimes ambient sounds. Genre doesn’t matter either, as long as it is appropriate to the scene. In general terms, if the song/music reminds me of good memories, then it is on my list.

For a while I listened to BTS, then to a piano cover of Heaven Official’s Blessing, then to the  lo-fi hip-hop radio. It really, really varies.

Favorite books/movies?

I love all of Licia Troisi’s books, but especially the Chronicles of the Emerged World trilogy. I grew up with her books!

As for movies I think the LOTR movies could be my favourite.

Any current WIPs?

One! In short, Project TL is about dudes, drama and dinosaurs.

What happens if the mentor isn’t there to guide the young noble boy? Very avoidable teenage adventures of course! From getting his nose into the local drama to exploring dangerous forests, all while trying to find some great treasure to bring home. Also, a possible romance with his roommate (who can shapeshift into a dinosaur for reasons you’ll have to read later to know)...

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

^ Something of the sort, I suppose. My wardrobe is very basic.

Create a character description of yourself: 

I'm shy! My drawings are all you'll get :P

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Not really. Some aspects of people yes, but the people themselves are a big no-no. I prefer detaching the real person from the behaviour of a fictional character. I don’t even like to use names of people I know in stories.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

Sometimes I put them in very dangerous situations, but I actually prefer when they get out of them. Killing my darlings feels very bad. I want them to live happily, or to at least get a happy ending. They do deserve it.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

In the winter, tea! This year I found a very nice tea shop and got many different flavours to try. Some were a hit and some less so, but I'm pretty excited to start drinking again hot stuff once summer is over!

In any season other that winter, water and fruit juice. This girl does not have what it takes to drink sparkly water.

Slow or fast writer?

Slooooooow! I like to edit a lot. Althought English is not my first language, I feel like I got the grasp on ho to make a sentence flow well.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

A lot comes from knowledge I acquired over the course of my life. Often I ask myself how a situation could go differently, or why things have to be a certain way. Then boom, a story is born. Most of them last a short few minutes while others make it to the end of the day. Only a handful stay with me for a lifetime, and those I hold very dearly.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Let me be a cat! They have the perfect life literally in any world. Eat fancy (or not), lounge in the sun for hours, strut around the town, climb high places and even get loved for just meowing. I wish my life was like that.

Most fav book cliche:

Saving the damsell in distress. Does not have to be literal, but I love it when someone in trouble gets a helping hand!

Least favorite cliche:

Miscommunication. Please just talk to each other!!!!

Favorite scene to write?

Quiet moments together. Comfortable in each other’s presence, maybe joking a little, maybe opening up about what they really think… So many possibilities in a simple stress-free interaction.

Also cuddles and physical closeness in general.

Reason for writing?

I must release my visions into this world.

Tag list (because I think you are all cool people):

@mr-orion @glitched-dawn @silentstaresfanficandfanart @theverumproject @uraniumwriting @princefluph @xenascribbles @wordsandwordsbyme @shenaniganssketched @creative-author @thedeerwight

[ofmermaidstories]

sweet merms, please don't feel pressured to answer my other ask! <3 re: that /specific/ aesthetic you're talking about, i totally get it—it's such a vibe!!! i wish there was a name for it? the only thing that comes to mind now is like, expensive bimbo (all that dior can't be cheap...) LOL. i love the mix of classy and kawaii and kidcore/retro/nostalgiacore. it's so interesting and your collages are all beautiful <3 and above all, i LOVE the amount of pink in it!!! from an ex-pink hater, flishy<3

The closest thing to a name I’ve seen for it in my travels is coquette, but like, it’s not really… encompassing this new breed of it that i’ve seen, floating around the place LOL. Like, if i had to sum-up what i’m talking about in a moodboard, it’d be this:

Expensive bimbo is such a good title for the visuals of it. 😭 Because it really does delight in that—shopaholic, I’m a Barbie Girl <3 kind of superficiality, and yet like, again, the examples i’ve seen will contrast those with… a pack of tarot cards kept in someone’s purse, or 1950s books about getting your wife a lobotomy. Beyond the merging of the esoteric aspects (the tarot cards, the “im just a gemini girlie that’s why i lie <3” astrology), I find it can really verge on like, romanticising mental illness? Like, “omg, I’m such a Sad Girl TM, I slept until 3pm and all I’ve had for sustenance is a iced vanilla latte and a cigarette because i’m trying to ascend to God”—

I sound like I’m making fun of this, but I swear I’m not. Depression is a reality for so many of us, and as someone who has their Sad Girl hours and also like, really resonates with a lot of this Expensive Bimbo/Coquette aesthetic, I think that’s why I find this melding of them so fascinating? Because I am an expensive bimbo, lmfao. My skincare cabinet is filled with expensive, luxury brands that I buy on a whim—and i’ve always been a Pink Girl TM LOL, if that hasn’t been obvious. My favourite colour to wear is like, this soft strawberry-milk pink and I’ve recently come to the horrifying realisation that men will go out of their way to be nicer to me, while I’m wearing it LOL. I don’t even think it’s like, an attraction thing—I think the pink is just that striking, and disarming, that people immediately associate it with like, soft, squishy friendliness and then respond to it in kind (irritating; like i’m not inherently worthy of friendliness outside of whether or not i wear the colour pink???). Because I buy myself flowers, often, I’ve made friends with the florist there and as a result she always makes a fuss of wrapping my flowers for me so I now have a collection of ribbons that I either cull through reusing them for gifts or like, wear in my hair. i’m way too old to LARP with ribbon ponytails, but here we are!!

Goldie brought up Mina Le and Shanspeare, who are like, two fashion essayists/vloggers. Shan’s latest video—which i’ve linked—is like, a break down of how the need to identify with an “aesthetic” has become really prevalent, thanks to social media but full disclaimer: i haven’t watched it. Social media has definitely given like, both easy access to these sub-styles/aesthetics, and a rise to them (like what tiktok was calling whimsigoth? The 90s, painted-smiley-face-sun aesthetic with royal blue walls and iron wrought beds and those crushed velvet dresses with the renaissance sleeves), and i think the way they splinter off and become their own micro-niche styles/aesthetics is just… i dunno!!! Telling, maybe, of how easy it is for us to consume information and media and then the very human nature to like, wanna mimic the stuff we like. I’d consider that deranged-yellow-wallpaper-my-boyfriend-is-a-demon-who-comes-for-me-at-night-expensive-bimbo-core thing i’ve been prattling on to be like, a micro-micro style, LOL. Because it’s so oddly specific! So many different interests and styles had to meet in the middle to create it. There’s a pretentiousness to it, right? Like, “oh, i’m languishing here on my daybed, eating cherries and reading Proust in it’s original French” LOL, and I LOVE IT. I can’t read French, but like, if I could you’d bet your ass I would also languish around and eat cherries while reading Proust, or whatever. It’s delightful: the indulgence and selfishness of it reminds me of why I’m so attracted to x Reader fics, lmfao, like—it’s so unashamed. It’s perfect. I love every inch of it, the good and the bad and the problematic. I think they should study it in universities: why do we have this performative need to collect all the things we like and present it as a lifestyle? As something aspirational? I love it so much. Ugh. Imagine it in a fictional sense??? The damage, a character like that could do???? UghHhHhh okay I can feel myself going off tangent so I’m gonna stop this here, but anyways thank u BYE.

[chloebenningtonfmp]

Japanese styles

Okami

Ōkami is an action-adventure video game developed by Clover Studio and published by Capcom. i really love the design and look of this game and all the concept art with it. i think its. beautiful game with really detailed art work but the game itself looks super simple which is a really cool contrast. i actually quite like the quality of the game, i know it doesnt look good at all but i think it really goes with the theme of the game and style. i am really glad i have looked at this because it has given me many ideas and i will have it to look back on when i need more ideas. 

junko Mizuno

Junko Mizuno  is a Japanese manga artist. Her drawing style is often termed as Gothic kawaii or kawaii noir style. i quite like her style and the composition of all her art work, its very different to the normal manga but its very unique, i like the colour pallets and how they are quite mutual. her work is also very detailed and intricate, as well as being very funky and unusual with her style. 

with Junko Mizuno’s work its very detailed and has a very adult looking design that wouldn't be suitable for the younger audience, there is also always a lot going on within her art work and its very busy. this wouldn't fit my style as much as some other designs would like mini ninjas for example. i feel like this wouldn't attract as many people as a simpler and cuter design would. as much as her designs are amazing its just not my style and not the aim i am going for. 

Red steel

Red Steel is a first-person shooter video game, this was published in 2006 so the gameplay doesnt look very good, but the art work that goes with this game looks really cool and is the style i kinda want to go for in my fmp. i think the colours and the art work style go really well and it really adds the japanese style. 

with red steel it is a very adult based design, and has a specific style. as much as these designs are really good and i would love to have this as my style i don’t think it would fit with what i’m wanting to do because of the adult looking design. i want my game to be more appealing to the younger audience, whereas this game could have an age rating. there is parts of this game designs i could take like the colour schemes  and the scenery around it and change it slightly to fit my style.

Kena: bridge of spirits 

Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a 2021 action-adventure video game, this video game looks reall pretty and magical it has a small hint of japanese style within it but i also love the character design and the outfit that she wears. the magical forrest aspect i really like and i could use this slightly and incorporate something like this within my fmp. i also love the whole look of this game, for example the animation style and quality really just makes it. it is a very neat and put together game, which adds to the quality and style of it. 

kena: bridge of spirits has a very stylised look about it as you can see in this image above, i really love the look and style of it and how colourful and playful this game looks. i really want to aim for a stylised look like this in my final game design because i think it has a good design look that would attract many different audiences which i want for my game.

Kubo and the two strings

Kubo and the two strings is a family fantasy film released in 2016 and its about Kubo, a young boy, along with Monkey and Beetle, must find and wear his father's legendary suit of armour in order to defeat an evil spirit. i have looked at this because it relates to the style i want to make for my fmp. i really like the art work and colours from this film, it really makes it feel like youre in japan and it gives a really good feel. 

mini ninjas

mini ninjas is a 2009 action adventure game, i loved this game when i was growing up and i would play it all the time, i love the art work style within this game, one thing i like within this open world adventure concept is that the background is 2d and the foreground is open world, it makes it look the world is much larger than it actually is and it gives it a simple design and doesnt make the world look over busy. i really lik the art designs within this and i want to take inspiration from these and make something of my own.

[husbandograveyard]

Meet The Squad?

Contemplating posting this for such a long time now, I am pretty private when it comes to selfship, OCs (be it self insert ones or nah) and OC ships and such. But you all have been pretty supportive, and I wanted to share a little bit.  ╰(*´︶`*)╯Still a little self conscious cause these are nowhere as fleshed out or cool as some of the OCs I see pass by, so please bear with me as I carefully tiptoe back into properly creating OCs, something I haven’t even done properly since I was 16 or so UwU. 

Anyhowwwww... heres my 4 One Piece Ocs, some half worked out, some actually getting super fleshed out. Eventually I want all 4 of them to be 100% fleshed out with their own story. Most of these were born out of RP Ideas or something similar. (Or I just wanted a certain DF, oops) All these visuals were made with the Missangest Avatar Creator (in the google app store). 

Click keep reading for a short introduction of my 4 girls and a kawaii a/f picrew I did today UwU. See this as a teeny introduction to their general looks and stories, and Im pretty sure you will get to know them all better soon! (but one in particular). 

Top Left: Tae 

Fox Zoan user (I wanted a Kitsune actually, but then that was taken in series, I’ll probably die mad about it) - she is blind, and an absolute brat. Lives for mischief, and loves small time crimes. Is attracted to the pirate life for the freedom (and the crime). 

She has a big mouth that gets her in trouble often, usually cause she does not know when to shut up exactly. She likes playing pranks on the wrong people, is a master at thievery, and prefers snacks over dinner. Playfighting > actual fighting, but no worries, she will rip your throat out if needed. Actions over words, and 20/20 hindsight. oops. 

Top Right: Mayu 

Mayu is an ex-slave Doctor. She’s never been treated horribly since she and her medical knowledge were always useful to the troops occupying her island, but she has definitely seen enough death and misery to last her a lifetime. 

Her story definitely involves some revolutionary freedom fighters and she’s going to join them as a medic for the Revolutionary Army. 

More of a strategist and a thinker than a fighter. Only way she can fight is with a scalpel, knowledge of where the arteries are and enough luck to actually launch an attack because if she’s overpowered, which is 100% easy, she’s helpless. She’s not meant to be fighting anyway. Calm and generally quiet, definitely a pessimist, but how would you be after a good few years living oppressed? 

Bottom Left: Charlotte -  call her “Lott”  

Okay I have a love-hate relationship with this OC, cause much like Tae, she’s born out of a Devil Fruit Idea more than a character idea, but Lott’s DF idea is a bit more complicated. It’s a paramecia temperature type of fruit and I have yet to figure out the exact uses and limits for it. 

Even though she’s a devil fruit user, she’s not much of a fighter, and has very little interest in becoming one. She’s the mom (tm) on board of a pirate ship. Initial thought was getting her to be part of the Spade pirates, I’ll hopefully be reading the novel to make sure that is even possible. (or make it possible lmao). 

She’s a little naïve, but it’s mostly because of young age. Other than that she’s a little ball of sunshine. Which is why I am very inclined to throw a big bucket of angst on there, nothing like some trauma to give your OC more character. Who knows, she’s the least worked out I’d say out of all these 4. 

Bottom Right: Layla ‘backstabber’ Thornes 

Saving the best for last, Layla is actually my most fleshed out character so far, and simultaneously the one I am most eager to write about. She has that full on backstory, as well as half of a huge a/f character sheet filled in. She was born for a DnD campaign tryout and well, for that you already gotta give them more specific skills and such, and thus, the train of thoughts started and never really stopped.

Layla is an ex-marine, who was trained from a very young age to become at the very least a marine captain, hopefully even a Vice-admiral. It was all fun and games until she started thinking more and more about the cover-ups the marines did for the world government and vice versa and how the whole justice system may not be as full of justice as it seemed. I’ll spare you the details (for now) but one day, she rather dramatically made her exit and has been on the run ever since. 

From there on out, Layla’s story is still open, there’s a few directions I’ve got in mind for her, but she can go many a way. One thing is for sure. She’s not going back to the marines. 

She was raised to be polite, soft spoken, well mannered while being ruthless yet feminine on the battlefield. Needless to say, she went the ENTIRE other direction the minute she ‘left’ home. A foul mouth that gets her into trouble and manners that only manifest out of habit than her own volition. Like hell she’s going to be polite in a world where pirates distrust you and marines chase you. Quite confident in her abilities, even though she is not a devil fruit user. Very proficient in haki and sword fighting though. She is also rather small, especially for One Piece standards, which helps in dodging attacks. speed over power, but don’t think shes weak, hecc she’ll punch you in the face and break your nose for a cornchip. Oh, and a random fun fact, she’s a terrible drunk. It’s hilarious. 

---

Once I get the time to properly write, Ill be spending a good few hours filling in those xxl OC sheets and maybe do some OC ask game... If y’all would be interested in that, that is? Most I have for all ‘cept layla is looks, personalities and a vague sense of powers and I’ll be working that out soon! 

Oh! And before you ask, they all do have potential love interests to go into their stories, but I am not sure if I want them all to have a love interest in the end? So there’s some ideas floating around, but nothing set in stone? This will probably come as I write and think about it more? yall can try and guess though lol

For now, enjoy this picrew that I made this morning of these lovely ladies!  (its cut off but Layla is definitely giving yall the finger, Im sorry she’s rude)  https://picrew.me/image_maker/321535 

Hope y’all liked this teeny tiny introduction a bit? Expect more content with Layla for sure! And I know myself, once I write out the backstories for the other three I will fall in love as well, as I do with all my DnD characters now, and Ill have a whole collection of fictional characters living in my head that I am needlessly emotionally attached to. *sighs dramatically* such is life... 

Stay safe, healthy and hydrated my loves!  Sending you all much love, and kisses and all the good vibes you may need!!  Hazel out! 

[youeggbastard]

Oc Questionnaire (Again)

Now it’s Jens turn. 

Once Again thank you so much @jessaryss​ for this awesome template you’re the bees knees! ❤❤❤

Iphigenia 

BASICS

Name: Iphigenia ( Iph·​i·​ge·​nia )but better known as just Jen very few people are allowed to know her full name

Race: Imperial

Age: 25

Pronouns: She/Her

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Skin: Pale... she needs to tan more

Height: 5′6

Weight: 143

General Physique: A little more on the curvy side

Tattoos, WarPaints & Scars? None yet but I’m still working on character design

ABOUT

Dragonborn: YES / NO

Werewolf/Bear or Vampire? None

Occupation: Best described as a spell sword for hire, but really she’s just a wandering necromancer for hire. 

Guild Association(s): Used to be a Vigilant of Stendarr, it didn’t end well though. 

Favoured Weapon Class / Type: Duel Wielding One handed, primarily only bound swords. 

Favoured School of Magic / Type: It’s a tie between Destruction and Conjuration. 

Heavy Armor? Light Armor? Robes? Robes

Place of Birth: Cyrodiil

Place Where They Were Raised: Same place up until she was 12 years old, then she came to Skyrim. 

Current Location: Skyrim

Education / Place of Study: No formal education really, her father and his “friends” cult taught her conjuration, or more specifically necromancy, and then when she joined the Vigilants she learned a great deal of restoration magic as well as some destruction. The rest she’s taught herself, so no doubt her magic style would make classically trained mages cringe.

Any Teachers / Inspirations? Pretty much all her teachers and inspirations have let her down in one way or another. 

PERSONAL

Patron Deity (if any): Used to be Stendarr until he abandoned her, now she doesn’t associate herself with gods.

Political Alliance (if any): Despite being Imperial Jen doesn’t have any loyalty to the Empire and she does sympathize with the Stormcloaks cause, but it’s kind of hard to fully sympathize with them when they hate her. So, her political alliance is closer to the common people, the ones who are actually suffering from the war.

Strongest Skills: She’s deadly with destruction magic, mainly lighting and she has always had a knack for Necromancy though that’s more of a curse than a blessing. 

Strengths: Clever, strategist, She can be downright ruthless in battle, fearless, stubborn, will continue fighting until the end. 

Weaknesses: Her fearlessness often leads to recklessness, doesn’t really have survival skills, more often than not her emotions control her rather than vice versa.

Spouses? Flings? Lovers? Jen is pretty sex positive, she’s had a couple of flings here and there but only with people she actually trusts, so friends with benefit situations mostly, she’s not one to have a one night stand or hatefuck, but she’s always kept them at arms lengths and the minute feelings start she scatters. In her entire life she’s only be in love twice, once with her partner in the Vigilants who ended up betraying her and she ended up killing him, and then with Kaidan who she eventually marries. 

Thaneship (and of where?) Whiterun, Riften, and somehow Morthal though she’s not entirely sure how she became Thane of any of those holds. 

Most Difficult Quest They’ve Been On? Pretty much any of the quests from the Vigilant Mod, the one where she had to fight Lamae fucked her up emotionally. 

Jail Time? No she’s too streetwise.

Largest Bounty Held? The vigilants have a pretty large bounty on her head, but I don’t think that counts.

How Much Gold Are They Typically Carrying? Anywhere from 2 to 20000 Septims

How Do They Get Gold? Primarily through necromancy jobs, a lot of people will hire her for help getting rids of spirits, ghosts, etc... But Jen isn’t good at charging or saying no to people in need, so most of her income comes from overcharging rich people and jarls.

Are Werebeings and Vampires Vile Creatures or Simply Misunderstood? If you asked her this a couple of years ago she would have said, yes they are vile and need to be eradicated. Now that she’s no longer a vigilant and not under the influence of them she has a different opinion. Now she realizes the line between man and monster is a lot more blurred, now she sees herself more as the monster after all she’s done in the name of Justice. 

Do They Actively Hunt Dragons? Not really, they hunt her more often than not. 

Goals In Life? Help as many people as she can and hopefully do some good for once.

Deepest Regret? Killing innocent people under the guise of Stendarr’s mercy, and not being able to save Altano before it was too late.

Greatest Hope? She would never say this but she desperately wants a family. She craves the unconditional love that she has searched for all her life and was instead betrayed and her love used against her. 

Most Embarrassing Moment: She has screamed more than once encountering spiders. 

Flaws: Stubborn, hot headed, unforgiving, judgmental, isn’t very good at controlling her emotions which isn’t exactly good thing for a mage or a dragonborn, proud. 

Fears: Spiders and all other kinds of creepy crawlers especially things with more than two legs, betrayal, the dead (especially the ones that haunt her nightmares).

What Makes Them Happy? Flowers, the stars, the quiet nights, helping others, her friends, baths. 

Hobbies: She’s actually an avid horseback rider, if her life had been normal she probably would have owned a stables, collecting flowers and creating new spells as well. 

Favorite Locations: She loves Riverwood and the area surrounding it, it helps that the people of Riverwood actually like her. 

Favorite Holds: Falkreath 

Eating Habits? She’s not very picky.

Can They Cook? She can, though she doesn’t have much time to make gourmet meals, so she really just cooks enough to get by. 

Favorite Food: She loves tomato soup, it reminds her of her childhood, before her parents went crazy. 

Favorite Drink: Wine

First Thing They Do At A Tavern? Take a bath

Sleeping Habits? Very sporadic, sometimes she won’t get sleep for days, other times she will sleep 12 hours at a time. God help anyone that tries to wake her up, she’s a graceful riser.

Cities or the wilds? Both, she likes people watching and being near civilization, but she also loves the outdoors, being under the night sky, fields of flowers etc.

Pet Peeves? Being talked over, being bossed around (specifically by men)rich people just fucking existing. 

Describe Their Bedroom or Home There would also be fresh flowers in a vase, as well as lavender hanging from the roof. It would be very clean, unless she’s working of magic study of a new spell than it’s a complete mess.

How Would A Stranger Describe This Person? She’s got a bad case of Resting Bitch face, comes across as very cold and distant, just an unfeeling bitch.

Someone Close To Them? The opposite of that. She cares so much for her friends and will go to the ends of the Earth for them, it’s that quality that has gotten her in a lot of trouble. She helps whoever she can and has the worst case of bleeding heart syndrome. . 

How Do They Deal With Anger? Jen is a hot head, and when she does get angry she can be cruel and unrelenting. But luckily her anger fizzles out pretty quickly especially if she knows she wrong, so she will apologize and make things right if it’s someone she loves. But if you’re in the wrong, it’s gonna be hard to get her forgiveness back. 

How Do They Deal With Failure? She can take it hard, she’ll probably get moody and lash out, but deep down knows she’s really just angry with herself, eventually she cols off and learns from her mistakes and swears to not make them again. 

How Do They Deal With Loss of a friend or someone close? Jen’s friends are everything to her so losing them would wreck her, she wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat, or probably even let them go that easily, she would storm the gods if it meant saving someone she loved

Go Into The Bandit Filled Cave To Retrieve The Lost Amulet For Some Simpleton, or Tell Them Nah Bye? Depends is it someone desperate and downtrodden who couldn’t do it themselves? Yes. Someone entirely capable  of doing it themselves? probably not then, but all you really need to do is make up a sob story to appeal to her bleeding heart. 

Opinions on Daedra? She isn’t a vigilant anymore but she still knows Daedra are always a bad idea and would probably never side with them or trust them. Molag Bal though, she would storm Coldharbour just to kill him, she would find a way to kill daedra just to kill him. 

Companions / Followers

First Follower: Gorr (3DNPC)

Have They Stuck Around? Not really, they had a bit of a fling and Jen scattered. 

Something The Look For In A Follower (or do they hire anyone without question?) Someone who she trusts and won’t get annoyed by her gentle mothering as well as her need to save everyone and everything. But really trust is a huge thing, she would die for her friends so she needs someone who won’t betray that trust.

Followers Over The Years (or whatever amount of time): In This order

Gorr (3DNPC) (2 Months)

Mercutio (1 Month)

Mjoll the Lioness (5 Months) 

Kaidan (Still Present)

Auri (Still Present)

Serana (Still Present)

Lucien (Still Present)

Funny enough the first three were people she’s had flings with who she ended up leaving once feelings got in the way. I mean Kai is also part of that group, but she actually stayed for him, obviously. 

Fourth Wall

Any Must Have Mods To Play This Character? Vigilant, Apocalypse, and then all the followers mods mentioned above. 

Random Screenshot / Drawing: See Way Above

Level? 34 as of right now

Serious RP or Thomas The Tank Engine Dragons, Fart Shouts, and Kawaii Cat Girl Mods? Serious so far, but I’ve only had one gameplay of her and I’m still working on it there might be some tank engine dragons in her future who knows. 

[theantibridezilla]

Test Drives: Morphe, Rimmel, and IBY Beauty

Happy New Year you guys! I know that we’re technically two weeks past the official start of the new year, but it’s my first beauty article of the year. I have a lot of stuff that’s come in over the last two months so I’ll be busy creating Test Drives for quite a while. Anywho, I’m kicking off the 2020 Test Drives with   a range of products from Morphe, Rimmel, and IBY Beauty. As usual, I’ll let you know what was gifted by the brand versus something I purchased. 

Morphe Fluidity Foundation in F4.80 (purchased)

Even though I have way more foundation than I could ever use, I ended up picking up this and the other Morphe item I’m reviewing in today’s article when I was at the Newport Mall a few days ago. I opted to have my color matched by one of the associates in the store and she did a great job. The F4.80 hue is labeled as “Rich with golden undertones” which is perfect for me because I have warm golden undertones. 

What I like: 

Even though this is a full coverage foundation, it’s not heavy or cakey. It blends in with my skin so well, and is very lightweight. Plus, it matches my paler winter skin tone perfectly. It’s fragrance free as well. 

What could be better:

Nothing, I liked this product and had no issues with it!

Morphe Fluidity Concealer in C4.35 (purchased)

I’m normally not terribly impressed by concealers because I have serious under eye bags. Like I’m not even kidding. I’ve had visible under eye bags since I was in high school. And unless I want to have cosmetic treatments done to banish them, they’re just a fact of my life. The Morphe Fluidity Concealer is designed to create full coverage and last for 24 hours. 

What I like:

I’m AMAZED because this really hid my under eye bags. And I’ve tried A LOT of different brands from Tarte’s Shape Tape to even IT Cosmetics’ Bye Bye Undereye, and neither of these cult fave’s have covered my under eyes like Morphe’s did. And I didn’t have to cover half my face in concealer to achieve this result.

What could be better:  Nothing! This really works!

Rimmel London Stay Glossy in Date Night (gifted via Amazon Vine)

So this was an item that was given to me through the Amazon Vine influencer program. This is a straightforward gloss from Rimmel London that promises to moisturize and last for at least six hours of wear. 

What I like: 

Date night is an amazing color that for my skin tone can be a great neutral. While it’s pinkish, it’s not obnoxiously bubble gum pink. 

What could be better: 

There’s a strong mineral or petroleum oil smell coming from this lip gloss. Honestly, the best way to describe it would be to say that it smelled like Luster’s Pink Oil Moisturizer back in the 90s (because I haven’t used it in decades and for all I know they fixed the stench). 

IBY Beauty Carry On Face Palette (gifted)

A travel-friendly collection of highlight, blush, and eyeshadows that helps to declutter your travel makeup tote and gives you everything you need to create day to night looks. One side of the palette features three highlights and one blush while the other side of the palette comes with 9 shadows — two of which are matte and the remaining seven are shimmer hues.

What I like: 

In terms of travel friendly, you can’t go wrong with an “all-in-one” style palette. The slim palette can slip into your purse, carryon or checked bag if you’re daring enough to check your makeup. Plus, the large pans means that you’re getting a significant amount of product. Pigments are rich and you don’t need a lot of product to get the color to pay off, even on darker skin tones. 

https://www.ibybeauty.com/collections/face/products/carry-on-eyeshadow-blush-and-highlight-palette

Specifically for the eyeshadow side, it’s very shimmer heavy. There are only two of the nine pans that are matte. So, people who aren’t as experienced with creating beauty looks might be intimidated by the shimmer-focused slant. 

The Verdict

There was something to love in everything that I tried today, but hands down the breakout “game changer” was the Morphe Fluidity concealer. As someone used to not getting total coverage in their concealer, having my under eye bags completely hidden with Morphe’s concealer was a new experience for me. As usual, full makeup details are below. And check out more of my Test Drive posts here.

Full Makeup Look

 Primer: Wet ‘n Wild Mega Jelly Primer & NYX Eyeshadow Base in nude Foundation: Morphe Fluidity Foundation F4.80 Brows: NYX Cosmetics Love Contours All dark brow pan Eye Liner: Wet ‘n Wild MegaLiner Liquid Liner in Black  Eye Shadow: IBY Beauty Carry On G.O.A.T. as base, ColourPop Strawberry Shake Palette Daiquiri for all over lower lid and Berry Fine for center lower lid Lashes: Kawaii Girl Cosmetics Ebisu Concealer: L.A. Girl Pro HD Conceal in Orange (color corrector), Morphe Fluidity Concealer C4.35  Contour: Black Radiance True Complexion Contour Palette Medium to Deep

Setting Powder: Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder in Deep Blush: Morphe Brushes Blushing Babes in Pop of Poppy Highlight/Bronzer: INMO Cosmetics “Love, Always” INMO by the Anti Bridezilla, Kevyn Aucoin Neo-Limelight in Ibiza Lips: Rimel London Stay Glossy in Date Night

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Kawaii Box May 19

Before I begin I have an announcement: later/tomorrow I plan to post a sort of... glossaryish post that will be about ALL the boxes I subscribe to :D Because earlier today it occurred to me, I never really talk about the brands themselves anymore unless they have some update or if I complain in my reviews. I thought this type of post would be nice for anyone who just wanted to learn more about a specific box to see if they would be interested in it. I will also be including my own opinions on the box as a whole, pros and cons, how the box has changed, etc.

So if you like things like that, then make sure you come back soon!

Until then, we’re gonna focus on this:

Word of the month: Tanjyoubi - Birthday

Disney Princess Dress-Up Puffy Stickers

Our first item is a set of Disney Princess Ariel/Little Mermaid stickers. Covered to the brim with stickers, this sheet has multiple outfits, accessories/props, and deco bits to have fun with the sticker doll and then-some!

Besides Ariel, there are other Disney Princess and I’ve even seen they added a really cute Minnie mouse one on Blippo.com. Those in this set each cost $3.90.

I was really torn between all 3 dresses, the turquoise one was a classic for Ariel, and I love how the pink one reminded me of Aurora, but I actually settled for the purple one because I though it looked really pretty on her. Then I chose the shell purse and matching decoration/accessory and a light pink sash to add more to her dress, what do you think?

While on the subject, which dress would you have chose for her? Or would you have given her a different colored dress entirely?

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It’s really simple, but it’s also pretty fun and cute, I love dress-up stickers because of how creative you can be. I mentioned this before but I really want to start a scrapbook or photobook and fill it entirely with dress-ups~

The stickers puffiness is nice and soft, and I like how these don’t feel finished. So I could go back to it a few days later and swap out her purse and hair piece to make her classier with a sun hat. Or I could give her the turquoise dress if I wanted. 

Sanrio Ziptop Bag Set

Next up is this pack of adorable Pompompurin zipper bags. You get 6 in total, including 3 Small 70mm x100mm, and 3 Medium 160mm x 190mm. Each set offers different designs, and besides Pompompurin (who I couldn’t find on blippo btw) there was also the other basic characters like my Melody, Gudetama, Little Twin Star. Each set costs $5.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I think these are really cute, and practical :D according to the back of the package you could put all sorts of things in these, and I like that both sets are zip-locks. These would be a perfect gift for any Pompompurin fan.

Kawaii Dreams File

This is the monthly Exclusive item, a file folder featuring a variety of kawaii designs and items you can find on the Kawaii Box box and booklet, with the inside panel being white and pink to match the box’s color scheme. It’s kinda small-medium, about the size of the booklet that comes in each box, and it’s a little flimsy, but for most part it feels durable and sturdy.

You can buy this off of Blippo for $2.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  

I usually don’t look forward to getting these files in the boxes because as cute as they are, they’re always big and bent. This one fits in the box with no problem, so I feel like even though you would need to fold certain things into it, it’s more practical. I also like how despite how colorful and busy it looks, it doesn’t feel too-busy.

Soft Jell Rainbow Gel Pen Set

I loved gel pens growing up x3 my friends and I loved to draw on our things and each other during class (but only when we weren’t actually doing anything important <3< I wasn’t a model student but I didn’t get into trouble either), and I remember just admiring the massive rainbow collection my friend had; she must have had at least 100!

My collection was much smaller and modest though, I only had a few glittery metallic ones and a couple multicolored pastels. So for someone who used to love these, getting a whole pretty set like this just made my day~

It’s also pretty rare for us to get a whole set of anything in the boxes. If you’ve seen my prior reviews (or check out the items on blippo) its usually just one separate of your choosing. This set costs $6.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The colors are vibrant and really pretty, as you can see I did decorate the box with them which in hindsight might not have been the best thing to do, but they still worked once the ink got flowing. They’re juicy and are capable of long lines, writing, dots, coloring.

My only complaint is that both blues (or I suppose you could say one is indigo? Turquoise?) look almost exactly alike. It’s the same in the actual pens, but there’s still a noticeable difference until you go to use them both, so I wish they would have darkened or lightened one of them to make the difference more noticeable.

Cute Animal Friend Masking Tape & Nekoni Cherry Blossoms Badge

For our next items, I got bunnies for both ♥

 First is an adorable pastel bunny washi tape that consists of a kawaii bunny doing some silly actions. I would have taken out a piece to show the design, but when I unraveled a long, long amount of it I saw no end to the pattern >3< like it kept going, there was no repeat bunnies. Each bunny was cuter, or sillier than the last.

There are several varieties you could get, and you can guy them in sets of 4 for $5.90 on Blippo.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Well besides being very cute and silly to look at, I like how this doesn’t seem to be repetitive like most tapes. I’m sure it starts repeating somewhere but for now, I just think it would be cute to use them individually as little emoji icons, like for notes or letters or something.

-----

From the brand Nekoni are these adorable pastel badges with cherry blossom designs, ranging from animals, a human girl, scenery, and adorable foods. Each badge costs $1.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It’s very cute, but there isn’t really much I can say about a badge other than the fact it seems to be fine quality. There was no problems with it or anything to complain about.

Cute Stationery Buddy

This probably would have been better suited for a school theme- but you also use stuff like this to decorate :P so, our next item is an adorable, soft but firm plush themed after various stationery items. There are 7 in total, each with a ball chain and costing $4.90.

I really hope I’m not the only person, but when I saw this (and even now) I think of a snail; it’s a roll of tape! I was so surprised initially but now that I’ve had it for a while I’ve been seeing it more.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Again, I find myself with little to say. It’s really cute though, and the quality is nice, there’s no obvious flaws or issues.

Yogurt Jelly Hair Clip Set

In comparison to stationery, we always get sets of hair clips so I’m happy about that :3 I love their kawaii hair clips and accessories, they’re usually always one of my most favorite items~

Anyway, this set is themed after yogurt jelly and features a small translucent clip attached to a clear, colorful, glittery yogurt jelly attached to it, each with labels, a colorful lid, and a tiny lotte written in the corner. These come in several cute color schemes, each set costs $2.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

As I’ve been saying this entire review, these are very cute. They’re also well made, in that the pieces don’t feel loose or flimsy, which has been in a problem with one or two past-sets I’ve gotten, but you can easily fix that with some good glue. I was also very happy to get a very pink set, but you couldn’t go wrong with any of them in my opinion!

DIY Fruity Doodle Pen & Flower Candy

Our last item is this cute little fruity doodle set. Technically I don’t consider this to be a DIY considering you’re just spreading gel on the gummies, but it’s very cute and I really wanted to try it. I started seeing it like a year or two ago?

It’s available on Blippo for $3.50.

As you can see, I got tons of yellow gummies, along with a single pink, and two blues. The gel is supposed to be sour, but it’s actually very light- it reminds me a lot of strawberry jello/gelatin. The gummies are individually flavored, and this is what I thought:

Yellow - might be apricot? It tastes a lot like the apricot jelly filling in the mochi I buy from the mall.

Blue - my favorite, tastes like blue raspberry.

Pink - no flavor I could pick up, just sweetness.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

As I said, I’m not sure this is entirely a DIY so I didn’t make a separate post on it. All you do is apply the jelly, which I thought actually tasted the best out of everything in the set, but it was very tasty and cute overall, I just wish the colors/flavors of the flowers were more varied.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content -  5 out of 5: I’m not sure they were all my absolute favorite or anything, but I did genuinely like everything we got this month. I found no quality issues or problems, plenty of variety in both the types of items, and for each item. A very practical and fun box. Some items were fairly pricey though, and I’m not sure if I agreed with some of those. Also, we got one item less than usual, which I assume has something to do with the price?

Theme -  ????? out of 5: I found this Happy Birthday theme to be extremely open and up for interpretation, so I had I’m not sure how I feel about how they did on it. On one hand I could say “yes, these are items you could use for gifts or decoration for a birthday“, but on another I’d say “sakura badges and yogurt hair clips don’t make me think of a birthday.”

Total Rank: 8.5 out of 10 Cuties. I liked the items, and I can see why they chose the theme they did, but because of how open it is, I’m not sure how my feelings are towards it. The items worked great and I would recommend mostly all of them. I’m not sure this is my favorite box though...

(I’m sorry but I ended up skipping the last part of this review, I was fine this entire time but towards the end things got really busy in the house and I’m not feeling well at the time. I would have went to lay down but my laptop has been weird lately and I didn’t want to risk losing the work T^T sorry if you were looking forward to that part.)

[kaiwithastar]

I have SO MANY FEELINGS about the HoneyWorks FLYING SONGS: Koishieru album oh my god you don't UNDERSTAND

Toshi no Sa Nante especially made me so fucking emotional holy shit THEY FINALLY LET KOYUKI OUT OF THE BASEMENT AFTER LIKE 8 WHOLE YEARS??? Realising we'd had almost NO Koyuki content (other than like.. Kore Seishun Understand and that one scene in Tokyo Winter Session) in 8 years and then getting this made me extra emotional I think - especially with how we FINALLY get to hear about how he first met Ryou and started falling for her and everything AND UGH MY HEART IS SO FULL I JUST WANTED MY SON TO BE HAPPY AND NOW HE'S FINALLY MET SOMEONE WHO'S GONNA LOVE HIM AND I'M JUST FEELING A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS KJFHKDS also just the vibes of the entire song are just immaculate I have been listening to it on repeat for the past hour

AND THEN WE HAVE Cosplay Shitai no! which is Ryou's second character song that we FINALLY got after like 4??? years??? of haniwa keeping her in the basement???? Y'all don't understand how much I love Ryou okay haniwa introduces us to this cool af girl who appears out of nowhere, she's like the sporty prince-type but has a fucking cute af song (Renai Joujyuu) cus she just wants to be a cute girl and fall in love and all that jazz BUT THEN OTHER THAN THAT WE GOT NOTHING like I was pretty disappointed with how they didn't give Renai Joujyuu a proper MV BUT NOW WE HAVE THIS AND IT'S ANOTHER SUPER CUTE SONG AND IT'S SO FUN AND I REALLY HOPE THEY GIVE THIS AN MV CUS I LOVE RYOU AND I LOVE THAT RYOU LOVES KOYUKI AND I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER

ALSO CAN I JUST ADD- THE FACT THAT IN TOSHI NO SA NANTE KOYUKI REFERS TO RYOU AS 可愛い人 (kawaii hito = cute person) MAKES ME FEEL SO SKDJFHSKDJFHSKDL like right right from the beginning of the song Koyuki's like talking about how he wants to help her stop hiding her true self and how he's the only one who knows she's cuter than anyone else and like Ryou's whole thing is that she wants to be cute, she wants people to think of her as 可愛 (kawaii = cute) instead of かっこいい (kakkoi = cool) AND KOYUKI DOES EXACTLY THAT HE SEES HER AS CUTE AND JUST THESE TWO ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER MAN

Heroine wa Heikin Ika is SO MUCH FUN HOLY SHIT like I love Hiyori and her other songs but I think this one has got to be my favourite it's such a vibe holy shit

And of course I have to talk about ONE NIGHT because FT4 songs are ALWAYS bangers and this one did not disappoint omg I love it sm I hope we get a seiyuu version soon cus I NEED IT

BUT CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT WHIPPED CREAM NO SHOUMIKIGEN??? CUS HOLY SHIT THE VIBES it's so different to all the other songs on the album AND it's super different to all the other mona songs they've released so far - it gives me big like.. old-school retro anime vibes?? Like you could tell me this song came from macross and I would believe you, like those are the vibes and I am living for it I love it so much

The last one I wanted to specifically talk about is Moto Seito because holy shit??? Akechi???? With a romance song???? I WAS CAUGHT SO OFF GUARD I'M STILL TRYING TO ACCEPT THAT THIS MAN IS CAPABLE OF HAVING THESE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN'T CHIAKI???? No once can convince me that Akechi and Chiaki weren't dating cus they absolutely 100% were (like did you see him in Senkou Hanabi?? Those were the expressions of a man in love). And like I always assumed the reason he stayed unmarried and single all these years was because he was still devoted to Chiaki BUT I GUESS HE ALSO HAS SOMEONE HE'S INTO NOW???? IDK WHY I'M STRUGGLING TO ACCEPT THIS SO MUCH like of course it's good that he's moving on and stuff but I was not emotionally prepared for that LMAO but anyway I guess instead of being gay and demi HoneyWorks has decided Akechi is bi and demi (I am convinced he is demi either way, I mean just look at his relationship history) which is cool, and now I'm just super curious about this ex-student of his who's 5 years younger than him that he's into I have no clue who it could be tbh

tl;dr HoneyWorks makes me feel many feelings and I love all the characters so much

[gcatlord]

Okay! You have asked for it! I'm sending the WHOLE ENTIRE ASSHOLE BRIGADE.

The asshole brigade is a large (but incomplete!) group of fantrolls specifically made to look good and break rules. I explicitly have a few "fantroll-creation rules" each one breaks, on purpose, just because its fun.

From lowest to highest, we start with the childish, mutant-blooded sweetheart, Yuulov Kawaii! She has the power to make anyone stop fighting with the strange aura of compassion she gives off, which is the reason she was never culled for being a mutant- it makes people endeared to her and grows stronger when she cries. She talks in OwO speak but also a russian accent at the same time, her lusus is a kitten, her weapons are ribbon wands! And yes, the ears/tail are real!

Tropes are: Non-survivable blood colour (mutants if born naturally should always be culled as babies), non-existent features (real animal ears/tail aren't a thing on trolls), and OP powers (an aura of no-violence that grows when she cries)

Next up is orange blood, Airree Clouds! A true-born skydweller, Airree just has wings. He's kind of a hippy, and lives in the sky on his sky-whale lusus. His weapon is his healing crystals that are still technically just shiny rocks, so equally good for throwing, and he draaaws ooouut O's, A's, aaand U's aaand ends his sentences with ellipses- and uuuses the wooord maaan tooo muuuch, maaan...

Tropes are: Non-existent blood colour (bright orange), non-existent features (skydwellers aren't a thing)

Then there's the OG, the start of the asshole brigade, Lemons Citrus. He's the descendant of the troll who culled all the lime-bloods, known as The Quenched. He's both a psyonic user AND a seadweller, and due to his penchant for pissing people off he hides as a recluse in a cave people can only get to from underwater. He gets his food from a lemon-tree-monster lusus, which are lemons, which he actually hates with a passion. His weapon is technically a juicer, like his ancestor, though he just uses psionics, and he T4LK5 1N UPP3R C453 4ND L337 SP33CH 47 7H3 54M3 71M3, L1K3 H3'5 Y3LL1NG H0W 5M4R7 H3 15 47 Y0U.

Tropes are: Wrong caste features (is a seadweller yet too low a caste), also he's just... a stupid concept in general...

More! Toxxiic Bodiis is not a lime blood, but a toxic blood, which is subsequently both poisonous and a tad radioactive, akin to toxic waste. He's immune to it, but Lusi aren't, so his ancestors made a robot one, which he has a knack for building himself. His powers can shape his blood once its out of his body, and cause a similar aura as Yuulov's, but for anger instead of love. He can control it if he's calm, but being angry makes it stronger. His weapon is guns, and he talks in an angry b☢ld lowercase with a ☢ in place of any O's

Tropes are: Non-existent blood colour (neon green), OP powers (violence aura and weird blood shaping), and being pretty edgy

Bubell Riches! A pretty simple character, super rich, super vain! She's an albino blue-blood and also seadweller, whom I have no previous writings for so I'm makin it up on the spot! She uses a a bell as her weapon, and rings it to make people fight for her! Her lusus is a great white sharktopus! Her quirk is (♕) > Decreeing Thing$ With A Royal $tamp, $peaking Regally, And Con$tantly Reminding The Pea$ant$ Of Her Wealth With Dollar $ign$!

Tropes are: Non-existent blood colour (pastel blue), wrong caste features (is a seadweller yet too low a caste), albinism (yet to be shown to exist in trolls)

Next is Moodee Facade! An indigo/purple blood who is has a dark evil persona she shifts into if she gets too angry. The purple-blooded dark form has the typical super-strength of purple bloods, and turns back into indigo Moodee if she sleeps/is knocked out. Her weapon is a mask that gives her the strength of her purple form all the time, her lusus is a two-headed snake, and her quirk is (: D) > talking like this!! starting and ending in emoticons showing her emotions!! : D

Tropes are: Having two blood colours, having an evil persona, and being pretty edgy

Then is Tinage Angstt, the scene troll. She's actually pretty chill, despite her name, as a magenta-blood. She's honestly probably one of the most stable of the team, and has the most common sense. She just sounds terrible, using LOL XD old internet speak. Her weapon is her very long nails (LOL JK its a pocket knife) and her lusus is a strange chimera of various meme animals that squawks out ROFLs and LOLs at various times. ✧･ﾟ: *✧･☆ she encasez herrr TXT in glittarrr and starrrz XD and uses acrrronymz and teh olde interrrwebz spellingz and speech!! ☆･✧*:･ﾟ✧

Tropes are: Non-existent blood colour (neon magenta), wrong caste features (is not a seadweller yet a high enough caste)

Then pink-blood Otakuu Weabuu, who is obsessed with real-world human japan! He likes crossdressing and sprinkling in bits of Japanese in his speech. He's bubbly, optimistic, and constantly says nonsense references nobody but him understands! His weapon is a katana, his lusus a tanuki-kitsune, and his quirk...

ヾ(>ヮo) MOSHI MOSHI HELLO!!!♥ HE TENDS TO SAY ACTUAL SIMPLE PHRASES IN JAPANESE (ROMANJI) AND TALKS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE HE'S SUPER EXCITED!!!♥ (^▽^)

Tropes are: Non-existent blood colour (pastel pink), wrong caste features (non seadweller for high caste), and knowing about human society

And FINALLY, the black and white blooded siblings, Cinder and Somber Silver! Cinder is shy and sweet, Sober is reclusive and cynical. They each have a special power as well, Cinder being super strong, even more so that purple bloods, and Somber having mind-based powers, having a bit of telepathy and stronger telekinetics. They have a sword (Cinder) and shield (Somber) as their weapons, a singular, shared, dragon-lusus, and type relatively normally, both using ☯ instead of O, and Cinder using all lower case and Somber using white text with black highlighting to make it visible.

And THAT was the asshole brigade. All love letter to old "bad" tropes in fantroll-making! I sincerely love these old tropes, but there's only 10 characters, opposed to 12, so if there are any old tropes to make into new characters, feel free to mention, since there's two spots left! And thank you for reaching the bottom of... all this.

hello friends, tell me about a HS fantroll/fankid you really like !! It could be your own, your friends’, or just a content creator who made a HS oc you really like 

I miss the days when fantrolls and fankids were everywhere 

[koalaaquabear]

My Long, Mature, Spoiler-Filled, Annoying, Critical, Analytical, Angry 2am Review of MS:WAF... PART 1

Sidenote: I had watched this beforehand, but I watched again to take some notes. Also I got very angry during this, but I actually loved the episode!

-Aww Jess' giggle -OOOOO new blujay studios thingy! -Sidenote: Irene literally plays like ZERO PART IN THIS EPISODE but is somehow in opening scene and is the FUCKING THUMBNAIL bitch you ain't special. -This was the concept art that Jason tweeted! I pay attention, honey. -Change course dumbass! -Agent R you idiot! "They won't shoot yet" Of course they're going to shoot, get into the fucking cabin! Why are you even on the deck? Nobody is manning this boat's controls! -WHAT DID I JUST SAY? THEY. ARE. GOING. TO. SHOOT. -How the hell are they missing every single shot, the fuck? They're like freaking Stormtroopers. -Ah yes, move towards the bullets. -Is Michael Bay on the Blujay team? -Wait, what about the other guy? Is there a crew that you just left behind to drown/burn to a crisp? What the hell is happening? -Okay it is literally impossible that he hasn't been shot, his boat was crossing DIRECTLY THROUGH BULLETS. -Ah yes, boat mechanics. That's how it works. Abso-looney. -YEET -Well, there goes the animation budget. I'm gonna go watch MSS4 Ein vs Aaron fight scene to redeem this. -Also, he was lying on the ground for long enough to get aim and fire. Who the hell did they hire for the Guardian Forces and why are they terrible at their jobs? Almost as terrible as Zack is at being a father oooooo too soon? No, fuck you Zack it's never too soon. Sorry I got emotional, continue. -AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA HIS EARS ARE THE SAME COLOUR AS HIS HAIR AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA also shit he's a werewolf. -He says 'for me?' like really flattered like "Oooo they didn't forget me and my very important suitcase!" -Wait did he say go? It sounded like no..? I'm gonna assume it was go. -AHHHH HE hAS A LITTLE CURLY TAIIIIIL! -Oh shit, this place got ransacked. -Agent R literally just said ransacked :O I read minds. -GF... GF... huh. Ok. I'll play your games, Jess, but just know that I don't like it. -OKAY so the Guardian Forces came in, the gang had to "Fight for our lives to get out", and Garroth has not a scratch on him, and nobody seems to be dead. How plausible is this? Not. Not at all. But, I said I'll play your games Jess... continue... -Actually scratch that the Guardian Forces are terrible at their jobs so the fact that he isn't injured is absolutely plausible. -Evacuated inland? Who's genius idea was that? Probably Derek's. Coward. -The only reason they can't see you, Garroth, is because they literally have their eyes covered by annoying and unnecessary helmets that no army force should be wearing. -Werewolf strength+potion strength=Garroth can singlehandedly kill most of these guys. -Don't worry about the guns, guys, they have no fucking idea how to use them. -Rookie? I mean sure the guy can't even USE A GUN but y'all didn't know that. He could've been quieter, but he was JUST turned into a werewolf and probs can't control his strength. Idk I'm spiraling. -"Kid" because he isn't Guy Fieri. -Landing like that directly on your legs, without being like a trained gymnast, will most likely injure you to the point where you can't run like you are right now. But hey, that's none of my business. -None of the force decided to stay outside to guard it so they couldn't escape? They keep proving my point of being dumbasses. -Ah, a peaceful panoramic to disguise what just happened. -Those things on the poles look like Travis' shirt hahahahahha. -Is that Aphmau? Ah, the camera is now following her, and she is wearing purple. t is Aphmau. -How did they get that photo? -Ooo everyone's trapped! -Searching the island, but still can't recognize this black haired, amber eyed girl with a purple choker on, the same girl in the photo with their main suspect... These fucking imbeciles. -HOW DID THEY GET ALL OF THOSE PHOTOS!? "Acquired photos" That just so happen to be the most SPECIFIC photos. Like if it was passport photos or drivers liscense or social media, like that I could get, but these are literally impossible, especially the close up of Derek. If they were secretly taking photos, they wouldn't be able to get one from that close up. Funny how this random thing makes me upset. -Why are they both southern? Well, why not I guess. -Mysterious alley? Must be getting money for her drug dealer, -Skip Ad. -Why does it say "thanks for watching" before even the halfway mark? I'm somewhat confused by that for some reason. -Not drugs, secret apartment, okie dokes I like this better. -Of course Zane is being a whiny bitch. -"Safety" is a very flexible word, which is all that you need to know about this conversation. Also that this is apparently now The Maze Runner? I don't know either. -The Guardian F? Just call it the G-Force, like that movie with the guinea pigs and that blind mole who are secret agents. That would make for a much funnier video lol. -That was much longer than it needed to be. That convo did not need to be on screen either, but whatever, it was a really cute friendship moment. -DOES HE HAVE A CHAIN ON HIS JEAnS!? -What is that? -Thou may not have lighting. Well, nevermind, turns out they do have lighting. -How does no one know they're here? -That's the worst map ever. -AWWWW LUCINDA'S OUTFIT! -Oh they haven't looked here yet? You're telling me that there is a huge search out for the Lycan family, and they havene't even MADE IT TO THIS AREA YET? -Okay you won me back with Aaron's smile. -Why are they moving systematically? How small is this task force? How big is starlight? I need numbers people! -So they have a fleet around the island, but no more people to storm the island and actually find the people? Get more people then, call in a SWAT team? Is the Guardian Force even a government approved task force? If they aren't, why are they allowed to shut down a HUGE resort? If they are, how come they don't have A) People who can shoot. And B) Enough people to actually search properly for the people they're looking for? So many unanswered questions! -No Aaron. -No! Say no Derek! -THANK YOU! There are so many holes in this plan! -ALrighty Lycans, you need to step back because NEITHER OF THOSE WILL WORK! Moving inland will corner you, Derek, but transporting your entire group will get you caught, Aaron. What you need to do is figure out their patterns. Move systematically, somewhat like they are, and not in one place for too long? You are stuck in the perfect storm, and none of these options will work, but if you think you can just move inland, away from the GF, you are dumb, but you also can't move all together. -New idea, get guns and shoot at them, because no matter what, they can't shoot back. Because they suck. A lot. I'm still salty. -The thing about being fugitives, Aaron, is that YOU HAVE TO RELOCATE EVERY TIME THEY GET CLOSER! -No it is not. -How about you plan ahead Derek? Why are the women not speaking up, Lucinda probably knows her shit. -DEREK YOU ASSHOLE LISTEN TO AT LEAST A BIT OF WHAT YOUR SON IS SAYING~! -They were both wrong, but I probably would have to agree with Aaron? He's right, move too far inland and you'll run out of places to hide. -Finally a casual Kawaii~Chan. -Nobody knows it's you, Aphmau, or you woulda been taken in. -Dammit Garte. -IT DOES GARTE, YOU WERE PART OF THE MICHAEL THING! -YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT NOW, SO SHUT THE HELL UP! -STOP YELLING AT YOUR WIFE, SHE IS RIGHT! -You cannot be a pessimist right now, Garte, it is not the time. Be there for your son instead of bitching about it. -Well, I guess Garte has 0 loyalty for anyone but his family. -You are interrupting, but thank Irene I was about to slap him. -How much money do they have on them? -STOP BITCHING ABOUT EVERYTHING GARTE! -He's so selfish, what the hell! -Green does not accentuate blue, Zianna. -Flirting gets him to shut up! Hazah! -OH MY GOD I SWEAR I OWN THAT OUTFIT! -Oh shit, that is bloody. How come she is injured, but Garroth and most of the others aren't? -Melissa modesty is not needed rn. -Skip Ad. Also JAX! -Is Zane's hair different? -Everyone always forgets that Garroth isn't the only Ro'Meave. -And then the acid kicked in. -Zane Ro'Meave triggered something. -Aww cuties! -That is not sugar, it is 100% cocaine. -Aww that's sweet. -It's called boosting morale, bitches. -"Eh" Does not mean it didn't go too well, it means that the Lycans are dumbasses. -Yeah, and failing miserably. -No gunshot wounds? Who the hell are these people? -"Hun" aww that's cute. -Garroth=best character -ROWANADNSANSNAJD -What is in the case? -The boat defied laws of physics. -That was a cute reunion, now let's ruin it. -Tons of techies, absolutely TERRIBLE strategy. -No they haven't, and even if they did, nothing would happen because MICHAEL YOUR TASK FORCE SUCKS! -Ok ok I get it, so they don't have full access right? Which means that they do not have a warrant. Which means that they aren't legal. Which means that they DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO GOOSE CHASE THROUGH ONE OF THE LARGEST THEME PARKS EVER... right? -Michael actually doesn't care, apparently, about catching the guy who betrayed him, or about the Ultima case. He just holds thousands of people hostage on some islands for fun! -He is right! Don't take this Toby, fite him! -Fucking Cyborg walks in, just casually, just as you do. -Michael, that's not how time works. -What are they doing? What? Huh? -AND END EPISODE. Wow okay.

[personas-against-antis]

My experience with anti-ism and back

Inspired by @huntypastellance's interviews with ex-antis, I decided to post my own story of how I became an anti and how I got out.

My inbox and messages are open in case anyone has any questions or wants to say anything.

Apologies for any typos, my typing is not the greatest.

Names have been changed to protect my friends’ privacy and to prevent certain antis mentioned from coming after me again.

Where It All Started

So back in middle school I fell in love with an anime called Hetalia, about the interactions between anthropomorphized versions of various countries. I had been in fandom for a while (my first big fandom was Sonic, but that was before antis went mainstream), and I was a pretty big follower of "don't like, don't read/look". When I joined, I immediately latched on to the ship AmeCan, or America/Canada.

They were cute and it was my OTP for a long time. The only problem with AmeCan is that, by a large majority of the fandom, America and Canada were considered brothers. I personally didn't see them that way, I saw them as adopted brothers at most, and I was always pretty squicked out by shippy fanfics that depicted them as biological brothers. The ship itself was still pretty big in that fandom, so I ignored the haters and immersed myself in fanart and fanfic.

I met a girl at my school (let's call her Duchess) who also liked Hetalia and we quickly hit it off. We soon asked what each other's OTPs were.

Me: Oh, I ship AmeCan.

Duchess: ...

Me: What is it?

Duchess: You realize they're brothers, right?

Me: Oh, I don't see them that way because [insert reasoning that I don't want to have to explain to non-Hetalians, just know that I explained that I didn't see them as brothers.]

Duchess: But it's canon. They canonly see each other as brothers.

Me: Oh...

In hindsight, I probably should have asked what she meant by “it’s canon”. Either way, I began to drift away from AmeCan due to lack of interest, and towards other ships (Romerica and AmeBela), and then to other fandoms. She still remained one of my closest friends.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I began to get really into kawaii culture and browsed the tags pretty regularly. Over time, I came across CG/L content. It squicked me out at first, but due to some sort of bile fascination, I began browsing CG/L blogs and began learning about that subculture. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot, but I knew that it would be inappropriate for someone my age (around 13-14 years old) to participate in kink, so I kept my distance and admired it from afar.

Soon, Duchess brought it up at lunch.

Duchess: I really hate seeing DDGL stuff everywhere.

Me: Haha, yeah...

Duchess: I mean, It's practically pedophilia!

Me: Mhm...

That's what I had thought at first too, before researching it. But she kept talking about it.

Duchess: They're sexualizing children, and children's toys! It's so gross! I actually made a blog against it.

Me: Whoa, really?

Duchess showed me her anti-CGL blog and I quickly followed it because she was my friend, and slowly began to follow other anti-DDLG blogs as well, even making my own: rise-against-ddlg. I took it down due to lack of interest, but antis had already grown on tumblr, and I was torn between my "don't like, don't look" policy, and wanting to "help" survivors. So outwardly, I became an anti, while guiltily reading "problematic" fic and playing "problematic" games in secret.

One such problematic game was Yandere Simulator, and I began to browse those tags too, when I discovered another anti blog, this time against Yandere Simulator and Alex Mahan, a.k.a. Yandere Dev. I learned he was fairly homophobic, sexist, and transphobic, especially in his own private chatroom, and began to idolize that anti blog. Suddenly, they released an invitation to a Skype group chat. Eager to meet my heroes, I quickly applied and was approved.

The Group Chat Incident

I loved that chat. It started with 15 people, but slowly trickled down to nine, including myself. I found myself isolating myself away from my real life friends and family, too focused on the group chat, as they made dropping out of high school and staying online all day sound cool. I kissed up to them, desperate to be seen as a good person. But, soon, I began to question myself and the group. The mods were very against "problematic" content, like Killing Stalking, and NSFW depictions of minors, but were also quick to draw NSFW of minors (specifically Budo and Senpai from YS). I introduced them tot he game Boyfriend To Death, and one of them quickly latched on to the character of Rire, who brutally rapes the protagonist in game, despite them being against rape. The main mod even introduced the group to a game called Artificial Academy 2, in which you can rape others and be raped.

...There was a lot of rape and NSFW in that chat.

But, there was also a hierachy. At the top were the two main mods of that YS blog, Mod H and Mod J. Joining them at the top was a very cool person and a good artist who acted very much like an older sibling to all of us, Member M. Then, there were three more people who tended to kiss Mod H, Mod J, and Member M's asses, and at the bottom was me, my friend Foam, and Member C. Mod H was the ruler of that chat. Anything they said, went, and if you disagreed, they'd suddenly play victim, manipulating and gaslighting you into apologizing. They loved Dragon Age, and now that game has been forever tainted for me, considering how much they shoved it down my throat. They would also tease me and my interest in Persona 5 (saying that the protagonist looked like The Onceler, subsequently calling me a "Onceler Fucker" for finding him attractive, along with making fun of when my tongue slipped and pronounced "Goro" as "Gort"), only stopping when I had Foam address the group to tell them to stop. There was a livestream that I was really excited for, talking about it since it was announced and they seemed hyped for me as well. Only when I placed a rabb.it link in the chat so we could all watch, only Member C showed up. When I returned to that chat, they were watching Yuri On Ice, and they wouldn't even let me talk about my livestream.

During that time period, I created a group chat for me, Foam, and another internet friend I will call Emilia. I though Foam and Emilia would get along really well, so i formed a Skype chat with them, and allowed them to talk. Slowly though, me and Foam began to use that chat to bitch about the group chat behind their backs, because we were terrified of the backlash if we tried to criticize them to their faces, due to Mod H's tactics of avoiding conflict. We soon added Member C to the chat as well, after they were constantly getting dogpiled by the rest of the chat.

That December, the Bode meme was in full swing and Foam mentioned in the group chat that he didn't get it. The group chat immediately began to make fun of him and I, sick of letting them control our lives, stood up for him. The group chat just continued to dogpile and we continued to try and fight until Mod H eventually left the chat, in one of their methods to get us to apologize to them. I was feeling overwhelmed and also left, and Foam tried to surrender and tell the chat to stop, but they wouldn't let up and he left too. Member C was the only member we remained on good terms with who was still in the group chat.

I made a post on my blog saying that i didn't want to interact with those people anymore and they got mad and began to try and message me. I eventually messaged an official statement, citing their abuse of me and Foam, and blocked all of them across social media.

They created a fake blog to get around the block, and I was dumb enough to fall for it.

Member C even turned on us, revealing me and Foam's messages with her and claiming we were abusing and bullying them. Suffice to say, I cut off all contact with Member C and changed my main blog's URL.

I was harassed and stalked and I carried that fear of them looking at my blog for a long time. I still worry about it sometimes.

The worst part, in my opinion, was that I changed my own name that I had chosen for myself because it had become a trigger for me hearing them say it so many times. And I really, really loved that name.

There was so much hypocrisy, so much fear in that chat. Now, looking back, I wished I had never joined, but in those months after I left...I felt empty inside. Aimless.

Out of curiosity, I looked up cult behaviors, and that chat hit nearly every single one. It's scary looking back on it. Even writing this, over a year after I left, my heart hurts.

But even leaving a cultish group chat didn't knock me out of anti-ism.

Villain Ships and Past Revelations

Remember how I mentioned that I love Persona 5? Well, I ship a ship called ShuAke, which a very loud subset of people claim is abusive.

Spoilers for Persona 5 up ahead.

ShuAke is a ship between the protagonist (shujinko in Japanese, which is where the "shu" comes from) and Goro Akechi. I shipped ShuAke since before Goro's name was announced, when all we knew was his design. Goro turned out to be a detective hunting the Phantom Thieves, the protagonist's group. The cat and mouse aesthetic really suited my fancy, with the protagonist's thief alter ego, Joker, seducing the naive Detective Prince. Swoon.

Of course, the ship shattered when the game was released in Japan and it turns out Goro tried to kill the protagonist, was working for the bad guy, and betrayed the whole group.

I was shocked and essentially went through the five stages of grief. I was torn between abandoning the "abusive" ship and evil character...or ignoring the haters and shipping it anyway. After way too much debate, I chose the latter and stuck with it.

The anti-ism died down quickly due to a lot of the fandom hibernating until the English release, and I happily shipped ShuAke and supported Goro Akechi with little objection. Even when the game was released in English, I stood my ground and even argued in support of Goro with anons.

And yet, I still considered myself an anti.

Late May of last year, some repressed memories came to light. I had been sexually abused by a close family member and a few girls at camp when I was younger, with other fragmented and questionable memories in my brain. It put my past into light, as I had also had a self destructive habit of attempting to seduce older men online, due to low self esteem. That was not a fun week for me, and I found myself diving into dark fic, particularly rape fic, in order to make sense of it all. I even wrote some in an effort to just get it out of my brain.

And it worked. It was really therapeutic for me.

And yet...

I still considered myself an anti. Every word I read or wrote was mixed with guilt over what I was doing, even though it worked. While I'm still a sexual abuse survivor, as I always will be, I'm much more well-adjusted by participating in those dark activities, rather than wallowing in self pity and slipping into a depression, like my old group chat would have expected me to do.

I dropped anti-ism later, with the help of one blog.

Back to "DL,DR"

The blog @anti-anti-survivor was recommended to me, and anti!me, looking for a laugh, clicked on it...and soon found that pretty much everything they said made sense to me. I saw Mod h in the people they argued with, Member C in the people they called out...and I realized that I had never been an anti, just hiding behind that label.

I sent an anonymous message to them (though I guess it isn't so anonymous anymore, ha), thanking them for opening my mind to it, and created my own anti-anti blog. I realize I'm not very active on here, but, well, I'm lazy and I'm more of a reader than anything else.

And of course, there was another problem.

Antis are fucking everywhere.

I'm terrified of posting pro-shipping stuff on my main, and I'm terrified of admitting I like problematic ships. I'm in a Discord server that keeps spouting anti-kink and anti-ship stuff, and I have to keep my mouth shut or risk being banned, just because most of the time they're really nice. Duchess even messaged me one day, absolutely shocked that I admitted to shipping Shidge.

I'm happy now that I don't have to feel that guilt but, reading what antis do and then finding out that people I hang out with are antis...it's horrifying. I'm not a confrontational person. I never have been. But I'm sick of rolling over and accepting what everyone else deems is problematic fiction.

I'm mentally ill, a sexual abuse survivor, and dark fic and dark shipping helps me cope.

Deal with it.

[trashyfanficcutouts]

CRINGE ALERT

[ One of my first finished fanfics... A terrible creepypasta fanfic from early 2016. Literally cried when I found this. It’s SOOOO bad! Everything about this is so bad, but I’m pretty sure it could be saved... not that I’m going to. Only sharing this to laugh at past me, that silly little idiot <3 

AHEM! May I present to the poor soul who has stumbled across this... 

“Griefer In The System”  (Except the title has nothing to do with the story and it was written by a young edgy pre-teen who wanted edgy romance.)

word count: 16,274 ]

Ben'S DEATH

Ben was just your average kid who loved video games, Legend of Zelda more specifically. His dad was a heavy drinker but it was never a real problem. When BEN got Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask he was so excited, he had wanted this game for a over a month now. As soon as he got it he rushed to his room and put it in his N64, he played it all night. He loved to be alone in his room, he did not have many friends but he did have many bullies. As he got further into the game he began to play it more, more than he should have. His dad was getting concerned about the time his son was spending on that game of his. He had made lots of plans for cool places they could go, but the plans never got carried out. Days went by and BEN was getting further into his game, to the final dungeon and more importantly the final boss. Yet in a way he didn't want to beat the game because his fun would end and he would go back to being the depressed little kid he was before. Although he knew that he could replay the game but it wouldn't be the same, It's never the same the second time you play it. All the wonder and difficulty it had the first time would be gone. BEN got to the stone tower temple on the final day, he then saved the game and went to bed. The next day his dad had a surprise that BEN would probably like. They were going to a local lake that usually had no people there. BEN did not get the choice to stay home, if he had stayed home he would have beaten the game. He would have lived. Almost as soon as they got to the lake his dad pulled out some beer. BEN hated it when his dad drank but he always found a way to deal with it. He sat on the until the heat finally got to him. BEN ran and jumped into the refreshing water, but he splashed his now drunk dad which was a horrible mistake. BEN's dad stood up clearly angry. "YOU SHOULDN'T OF DONE THAT!" he yelled. He began to chase after BEN, he grabbed him and slammed him in the water. BEN was not going without a fight, He quickly grabbed his dad's arm and twisted it making him let go. BEN bursted to the surface gasping for air, he began to swim farther into the lake till the water was deep enough to go over his head. Suddenly something blunt hit him in the head. He started sinking to the bottom of the lake, Somehow a shattering beer bottle to the head paralyzed him. Everything began to fade into darkness. But before it did the happy mask salesman popped into his head saying the familiar words "You've met with a terrible fate haven't you BEN?" That's when everything went dark and he ran out of breath.

Griefer or Bastard was in his room playing his Nintendo 64 he was playing Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The very first game he'd owned he's replayed the game about 50 times and has always found something new that he hasn't discovered before. He had gotten the game by accident. He'd been looking in his deceased grandfather's attic where the creepy stuff were. He'd found an old box and picked it up because it just seemed to be calling him. It was an odd thing, at first he had been frightened but then he gathered up as much courage as a five year old could and saw that it was only a couple of old games and took them out of the attic to see them properly. His mother asked where he found the box and he told her in the attic. She gasped and looked frightened for a moment but then she said 'put the box back where you found it.' Of course has didn't want to and argued with her saying 'I promise I will take care of the games. Please mom.' He said giving her the big kitty eyes that always won. After a moment's hesitation she said 'fine but you have to wear this.' She gave him a chain with a time stopper that had a teardrop in it that held real water. His mother explained that when he played his games or anything  that got too intense his power would be unleashed. He could see the dead or undead. 

His powers weren't supposed to show up until he turned fifteen but he was an early one. Too early. His powers were contained in the teardrop.   He was a master of time itself. 

Bas nodded. After that she looks relieved and smiled at him.

Bas looked at the time and yelled, "SHIT IMMA BE LATE!!!" He hadn't even gotten dressed but that didn't matter at the moment so he decided to put on some random shorts on and left his kawaii anime shirt that he'd fallen asleep with on. Then he did his daily routine fast and swung his LOZ one strap backpack over his shoulder and rushed out the door forgetting to do his hair. He thankfully arrived at the bus stop and sighed. James glared at him and said "Look what the cat dragged in." Bas just sighed and said, "What do you want." "I want you." Bas looked at him without emotion and said, "You know what screw you cause I don't want you. You freaking asshole." With that said the bus pulled up and he walked to fourth seat his favorite seat. No one sat there because they were afraid of messing with him because the last time someone took his seat he did something bad.

James looked at him as he walks by and winked at him. Griefer just looked away. 

Everyone knew that Griefer was LGBT he came out on his 8th birthday and was proud of who he was. 

Even though some people picked on him he didn't mind it when they called him terrible names. His father pretended to support him even though his mother tried hiring a stripper to get him to like girls but he ran away. His mother tried to make him act like someone he wasn't but he just couldn't take it anymore and ran away from home for the second time. After that his father found him and his mother beat him over and over again just because of who he was. His mother was ordered to never see him again, she was put in jail for 5 years this happened when he was super young around 7 he was now 12 it's been 5 years she was out there looking for him. Somewhere. It was a good thing they'd moved last year. But anyways back to school... I was walking on the school grounds with my close best friend, Glitcher. He was the best gamer around and even made several awesome topnotch games with the best graphics ever. I was kinda jealous of him because he usually got all the girls and guys or whatever. They like him because he was just that likeable. I even had a crush on him. But I knew that he wouldn't be my friend anymore if I said I liked him. But oh well. I needed to get to class now. I rushed to my class. As I rushed I felt someone staring at me. I turned my head and saw that it was Glitcher. He waved at me. I waved back and continued walking to my class. Which had to be ELA I hated that class the teacher always gave me a hard time and one time she went too far and I had a panic attack. It was terrible. After two hours of James being an asshole to me the bell finally rang and like always I was the first one out. I met up with Glitcher and we hung out and talked about the latest games. Then his current girlfriend walked towards us she was hot I had to admit. "So did you bring my stuff Glitchy. Or did you forget it again." She asked in a very bitchy tone. I frowned she shouldn't be talking to Glitcher like that no one should. I glared at her and then Glitcher said, " Of course Maddie I have your stuff." After she left I asked, "Why do you let her treat you like that?" "Why do you say that?" I sighed he could be so naive sometimes but I didn't say anything 'if only you knew' "Knew what?!?" Oops I guess I said that aloud. "Nothing." "Tell me." "No cuz then you'll make fun of me and won't be my friend." "I will always be your friend no matter what!!" I sighed and he knew that I was about to tell him something very important but really I was just good at lying. "I have a super awesome game that I've never told you about." This was true but it wasn't what I was supposed to tell him. "What! why didn't you tell me." "I dunno." After school we went home he dragged me by the arm and I smiled slightly by him touching me. When he looked back he asked what's wrong. I just smiled and said nothing.

We soon entered the house he wanted to see the game and console. I took him to see it and he looked so awed by it I laughed and asked him what he wanted to play. He said he wants to play Donkey Kong. Of course he would want to play the first game for this type of console. I smiled at him and dug in the box for it and put the cartridge in. We waited for it to load and played for over 5 hours writing down notes and some ways to cheat the game. "Wanna play LOZ." "Sorry I should've been home a long time ago maybe next time. Then we can beat the game 5 billion times. Hahaha." I smiled at his laugh and said "OK." When he left I decided to play LOZ by myself. I put in the cartridge and saw  one file titled BEN and saw all the achievements and I felt bad that they never did finish the game. Maybe this BEN person was also disappointed that they never finished or maybe the game was glitched. "It doesn't matter let's find out" I said speaking to myself. I made my own file titled GRIEFER because I would feel like crap if I deleted someone's hard work. I started playing the game and soon encountered some glitches like the game confusing me and BEN. I didn't really mind though. The occasional mix up was alright with me. Then I got to the part where the statue was following me around. "Ok ....sure this is kinda weird. Oh well... Imma go to sleep game so see ya when I wake up... Griefer needs recharge." Again I was talking to myself. "Damn I must be going crazy... Oh well."

I woke up in the morning extra late so of course I had to be late for class. I knew I was getting a beating tonight... Oh well. I mentally prepared myself since there was no point in going to school anyways. I would just ruin someone's day. I turned on the console and started playing where I left off. This time it was just a blank screen with the text YOU'VE MET WITH A TERRIBLE FATE, HAVEN'T YOU... "I guess so .... I mean I'm gonna get a beating tonight so yeah I guess you could put it that way... This game is so awesome... Dammit!!! I'm talking to myself AGAIN dammit!!!" When I finished being smart with the game another text appeared this one said THIS IS REAL YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY BUT YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU... "Ok." I said, "That's cool. I always wonder what it felt like to be killed. But can you please grant me the wish of choosing the way I die..." UMMM.... OK "Cool. I want to die by drowning." WHY? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!?!?! "What?!?! No!! I just always wanted to drown I mean I have thought of awesome ways to drown myself." YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!!! "Done what??? I'm so confused. Also what's your name." BEN DROWNED IS MY NAME... WHAT'S YOURS... "Cool my name is .... Griefer or Bastard... I know it sounds fake but it's just Bas..." I said trying not to think about how suckish my life was. Too late I was crying. "DAMMIT GRIEF WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A WUSSY... WHY..." Then out of nowhere… 

A person who look like someone from a game I played along time ago appeared on the screen but with bloody eyes and looked at me and said "Would you like me to end your suffering..." I looked at him and said, "No matter what you did you couldn't end my suffering no matter what... I'm sorry but can you go my dad's gonna be home soon. I don't want him to find you here." He stared at me and said, " OK.. I'll go only for you but if I see something going on I will reveal myself..." "Ok." An hour later of me doing my homework and cleaning the house. Dad came home drunk and angry. "I HEARD YOU DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY BASTARD!!!" I flinched at the sound and murmured "yeah so what." He must have heard me because he came pounding on the stairs. He knocked down my door and slapped me. "NEVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN... UNDERSTAND!!!" He yelled in my face. Again he slapped me and then punched me in the gut saying I shouldn't even be alive and that my mother should have had an abortion. I only smiled at him and said "Well mom should have known you raped my sister and that's why she died." He glared at me, “Well I'll give you the a reason to die.” He pulled held my neck tightly to the point where no breath could come out when BEN couldn't take it anymore and said YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT... My dad looked at him and said "Who the hell are you!!" YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE... When he said that he murdered my dad saying YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT... DUMBARSE... He then turned to me I looked down embarrassed of what just happened. He just asked me ARE YOU OK... I said yes I wasn't hurt. I'M GLAD...

After that day I stayed away from people even Glitcher I felt really bad. I was now with the only family i had left and hadn't seen BEN since that day. I kinda felt lost I just wanted to talk with someone. But I was ignoring everything even the teachers and the bullies made fun of me for losing my dad. "I bet you he's going to kill himself." Ashton said, a girl I really hated. She was just so rude. I glared at her. She smirked,  "What it's not like anyone's going to miss you." "I will." Dammit James just had to say that ugh I give up. "What do you want James." "I already told you before what I wanted. It's you." I didn't say anything but walked away from him and kept thought why does he keep bugging me sure I'm only 5'3 but That's no reason to pick on me. I mean he was already 6'4. Dammit James just leave me alone. James was following me again. I should really get a restraining order. "Ugh. Just leave me alone James." "Not until you're mine." "Know what I give up. Fine I'm yours now what. Huh." I said in a sassy tone. He smirked at me and said, "Took you long enough." I rolled my eyes at him. He put an arm around my waist and smiled kissing me on the cheek. Girls around us all shrieked and fangirled. They started whispering about us soon it reached the entire school and the last person it reached was Glitcher. He came up to me at lunch time looking like he was going to cry and said, "I need to talk to you about the game... Please." I looked at him and said, "ok." As I was gonna get up James pulled me back down and said, "You are mine... Remember." I just looked at him and said, "Whatever... He's my friend and I'm going with him or I'll end this." He looked at me and said, "Fine." He said glaring at Glitcher. We walked in comfortable silence until we reached our spot. He said, "ok the real reason I called you out is because i wanted to know why you've been ignoring me and why you are dating James. I mean it's cool if you're gay but why James... Just why..." But by this point he was a sobbing mess. I hugged him and said, "I'm so sorry, Glitcher. I didn't know." "I've been avoiding you because of something that happened on the day my dad died. I just couldn't handle people I needed time alone. And as to why I'm with James it's because.... I've given up on my crush ever liking me. They are too outta my league." I said close to tears myself. " I don't care... See the thing is .... I.... I .... ILOVEYOU...  I just can't handle seeing you with another person... I just can't." Then I woke up. Dammit it was just a dream why couldn't it have been real at least the part where he confessed to me. Ughhhhhh. I looked around my room, I had move in with my gran. She had decided to move all my old stuff from my old room to the new three story house. I was kinda happy that we left the old house. It held too many bad memories. My Gran also decided to homeschool me. I would be getting home schooled by the end of this last week. I was glad cause of that now I wouldn't get bullied. But the bad thing was that I wouldn't see Glitcher as much. "Well I will always have my games. I think... Unless Gran decides to punish me..." Oh well it didn't matter right now all that matters right now is my games. I got up and went to the console and plugged it in and turned it on. The first thing I saw was BEN he smiled at me and asked ARE YOU OK I thought about the question and said, "Sure I'm ok." WHERE ARE WE "Well a lot has happened and I moved in with my Gran she let me keep my games. Isn't that cool. Well there's a rule as long as I got to sleep before 1:00 then I'm good." WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL... "I'm getting homeschooled. Isn't that great." DON'T YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS "Do you think I don't?" WELL MOST GAMERS DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS AND SOME ARE JUST INTROVERTS... "I am mostly an introvert but I do have a couple friends." HMMM... WHO'S YOUR FRIEND... "His name is Glitcher... He's so awesome he helps me program my games. He is also the star athlete at our school even if he doesn't always have time for me because he's always with one of his girlfriend- I'm sorry I was talking too much.. I'm so sorry. " NO, NO IT'S FINE I LOVE YOUR VOICE... CONTINUE... I blushed and said "No now it's just awkward. Hehe but you seem really cool. I wonder- never mind..”

YOU WONDER WHAT "I said never mind." YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID OF ME WHY WEREN'T YOU AFRAID OF ME WHEN I FIRST APPEARED "Because I thought you were one of them but now I know that you're not or am I just hallucinating... Hmmmm" DUMBARSE "Wow rude much." WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID OF ME YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND "Imma go to sleep." I said angrily. OK ... I'M SORRY "It's ok... I was being rude." With that said I got under the covers and slowly fell asleep with my music blasting through my headphones. I tossed and turned in my sleep.

I watched the kid toss and turn and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I came out of the TV and decided that I would go over to him and try to comfort him in his sleep. I guess I succeeded as the kid soon stopped tossing and turning. After a while I was going to go back into the game when he put his arms around me tightly and cuddled up next to me. I smiled even though I knew this wasn't supposed to happen. I pulled one of the many pillows the kid had and put one in my place and went back into the game. The next morning I saw the kid pick up a different game it was Call of Duty the latest one. He was about to put it in when he asked "Are you still going to be here if I change the game?" YES I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE "Umm that doesn't sound creepy at all..." Then he went ahead and put in the game. "Damn it!!! It's glitched... Hehehehe. Damn I'm stupid." LOL YES YOU ARE... "That's it I will defeat you!" NO!!!! "You crazy BAStard." Then he smiled at me. I laughed at his stupidity. He is a weirdly odd kid that I like to hang out with. WAIT WHAT!!! I DON'T LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM HE'S JUST ANOTHER VICTIM... I THINK I started thinking and didn't realize he was talking to me until he yelled "DAMMIT PIZZA NUGGETS WITH NO FUCKS TO GIVE!!" I started laughing. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT "It was me trying to get your attention... I guess it worked." Wow. He sure was a weirdo. I looked back at him and smiled even though he couldn't see me. I wonder if he considers me his friend. "I do consider you my friend. Why do you ask?" HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING THAT... "I didn't. You just told me." DAMMIT GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER... "Pfft like I'm straight." OH... UMMM... OKIE... "Ye." UGH... YOU'RE WEIRD... "I know." WELL THEN... WHAT NOW YOU BEAT THE GAME... "YE." REALLY WHAT'S WITH 'YE'... HMMMMMM..... "It means YE..." DAMN YOU... "Serry..."

The next day I was being chased by James. Damn him... Ugh. Soon I got tired and decided I had to run home as fast as I could. When I got home which took about 30 minutes of me running nonstop. I finally arrived. My Gran slapped me even though she was supposed to be the nice one. Hahah I guess she turned bad or not I guess she was always secretly bad and didn't accept me. Oh well... She then slapped me again. "Why are you home so early you fag!" "It was a short day, Gran I'm sorry I didn't tell you." "LIAR!!" She yelled at me and punched me in the gut so hard that blood spewed out of my mouth. Damn her. Why does she do this. Ugh. I guess I just have to feel with the pain alone. Like always. *sigh* "Gran please, I'm sorry, I'm super sorry I- I just- I'm sorry... gran please NOOO-" Gran slapped and kicked me harder than ever before filled with such hatred for me. I just cried curling into a ball.  She didn't care if I was going to live all she cared about was that I was out of her way. I can't believe I trusted her. I can't believe I thought she was going to be there for me. Ugh. Why was I so STUPID. I'M A DUMBASS... WHY... JUST WHY DID I BELIEVE HER... Why... Why did I trust her... Soon it ended with me barely conscious. I soon had to crawl towards the front door I grabbed onto the door handle and pulled myself up I slowly started to clean up the blood and vomit off the ground. Then I slowly made my way up the stairs. I opened my door then locked it. No ones was there I was all alone. "Dammit dude, don't make this as depressing as it is. Jeez, dude." "Fine I'll try but like seriously this is sad I'm all alone... Like always..." "Really dude, you have us..." "Ummm... How about no." I said not really wanting to have them as my friends. "Oh ok then I just won't talk to you for a while. Baiii!!!!!! Stupid." I whispered "Bai nuggets... Why am I talking to myself again... Ughhhh." ITS CUZ UR CRAZY... DUHHHH... "Well that's rude. But it's true." LOL YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING... YAY... "Wow... You soooooooo petty... You rude tech." WOW... NOW I'M OFFENDED... "I'm really sorry TECH... hehehe." DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO CALL ME TECH MY NAME IS BEN. DUMMY... "Ye but I'm sorry... Kinda..." OKAY I FORGIVE YOU... KINDA... "Wow you are really petty." NO I'M NOT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PETTY MEANS. YOU DUMB BUTT. "Ugh." DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK BOI!!! "BAII!!!" I said then walked out grabbing my 3Ds on the way out. the last thing I saw in the screen was 'HEY' then I shut the door and slowly made my way out I had only been in the house for about 5 minutes. I walked out of the house or was already dark out. I soon passed by a dark alley. I was found by someone. I couldn't see properly but I could only remember a white bloody sweater. Then everything turned black... I woke up to seeing the same sweater by me. I was in a nice comfy bed soon the figure started to get up so I closed my eyes trying to think. Why was I here... Oh right I passed out. "Hey you alive." I opened my eyes and nodded. I couldn't see anything cause it was dark in the room. Then a light turned on and I saw a bloody smile and  wide eyes. I didn't freak out or anything but asked, "What happened last night... Did we-" "Hahaha. I wish because damn that booty. Just kidding. But seriously damn I love your body. It's so... Pretty." I laughed and said, "Awesome smile, bro." "Thanks but why weren't you freaked out about me when you first saw me. Everyone is freaked out by me when they first see me." "Well I've seem creepier. No offense." "Nah. Its cool but just wondering how come you have fresh cuts and bruises. Did someone hurt you." "In a way... By the way who are you." "Hehe guess I forgot to introduce myself. Well anyways I'm Jeffery. Jeffery Woods." "No wonder I thought I saw you somewhere." "Really!?! How?" "I have my sources." "Oh you are just like Skinny never giving a straight answer. Hahaha." "Hmm.. I guess so." Hehehe if only he knew my real answer... Wtf is wrong with me. "Anyways you're probably wondering where you are-" "No I know where I'm at. The Killer mansion." "What!! How'd you know?" I just smiled at him and said “Because we're in the middle of nowhere in a forest. Duhhh." "Oh... Well what do you want to eat." "Waffles." I said without missing a beat. "Oh boy. You are so like Toby. I'll go get your waffles. So. Just sit tight." Then he left the room locking it. I could've left the room but I didn't I wanted to show that I was obedient and not make a mess of things like I've done before. The only problem was I could see no bathroom. Dang I need to go badly. What do I do. Dang it. Ugghhhh. That's it imma leave the room I need to go. Badly. I thought while slowly making my way towards the door. Just as I was getting my mind made up. Jeff came back with a plate full of waffles, they could wait I need to go. Jeff could sense something was wrong so he asked, "What's wrong... Wait don't tell me you want them to be made specifically. Cuz I don't tolerate that crap." I shook my head. "I need to go." "You can't leave." "No that's not it I NEED TO GO." I said indicating I was about to burst and piss all over there floor. "Oooooooooh. Sorry. I'll show you where it is but I have to be there with you. Ok." "Fine I don't mind as long as you don't look." "Ok." He showed me the bathroom and I started to unzip my pants and do my business. Of course he had to look. "Dang it Jeff. What'd I tell you. DON'T LOOK. AND WHAT'D YOU DO.. YOU LOOKED." I said giving him a lecture while taking a piss. "Umm sorry. I was just curious." "Curiosity killed the cat." "I'm not a cat." He said huffing.

After the little incident. He kept asking personal questions when we got back into the room. "Can you stop... I don't like personal questions like that. I'm sorry but I can't answer them." "Oh... Yeah I'm sorry it's just that I'm used to asking people questions like that to the other killers. Usually they answer because they are scared of me. It's pretty funny to see them stutter." He then laughed like a maniac. "Oh. You're not such a bad guy after all. In the books I've read they portray you as a big old meanie. I don't know why. You're such a nice guy to hang out with." I laughed. "Really? The other killers don't really like to hang out with me because of my smile.” He sighed,  “they always whisper behind my back telling me that I'm a weirdo or a freak when we are all freaks and crazy. Ughhhh." He had a sad look in his eyes. I wanted to comfort him so I gave him a very big fluffy hug. I felt so bad for him I cried for the first time in front of someone in a million years. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. "Dammit Jeff why'd you have to be in so much pain. I wish... I wish I could help you but ... I don't know how. Is there anything I could do. Anything." "Well... There is done thing but will you promise to do it." "I dunno what is it." "Sleep with me." He saw the confused look on my face then said, "not sexually, but like just cuddle with me... Please. It would make me happy to know someone was there while I slept." "Oh. If that's the case then of course I'll be your cuddle buddy. Whenever you want I'll be there." I said drying off my tears and smiling happily at him. "Really! Thank you sooooo much. I'm so happy. You don't understand my happiness. Not even my closest friend would help me during the night." "Wow. Then That's not a really good friend." "It's ok cause I understand them." "Oh ok. If you're fine then I'm fine with it." I smiled at him and he smiled back. Then all of a sudden he was leaning in closer. I looked at him confused and he whispered. "You're so innocent. I want to take it away from you." What was he talking about? Then when he was about to close the gap between our faces. I looked away and he planted a blind kiss on my cheek. I slightly turned red. "What was that for?" "Sorry I don't know what overcame me." "It's ok." We spent hours just talking after that I soon got bored and wanted to play my video games. So I asked, "When can I leave. I really want to play my games." "I'm sorry... But you can never leave. I'm sorry but we can't risk you telling people we exist." "It's ok I understand. But can I at least say goodbye to my best friends and fake my death. It would be so awesome. Also I'll get a chance to say by to Tech." "Who's Tech?" "Tech is the little green guy. Hahahaha! Sorry  i had to say that. His name's BEN. My good friend." "Oh no. You don't realize how much danger you're in. That dumb nut. Ugh. He's in so much trouble. Anyways now that you're here... I need you to GO. TO. SLEEP." "Pfft. Hahaha nachos you thought I'd go to sleep but you see i'm already gone." With that being said I disappeared in a cloud of midnight blue smoke. I had been running for the past two hours and haven't stopped for anything. Finally I ran into my hometown. I saw the school and ran towards it. Who knows how long I've been gone. Maybe two days so that would mean it was Monday... Dang it. Oh well. I ran in and went to my first class. Which was with Glitcher. He smiled at me. No doubt he got a new girlfriend again. Jeeze. Soon it was lunch time which was that only time we could talk. "So where have you been. I was worried sick about you." "Sorry I was... I was... Ermmm... I don't know if I can tell you. How about I tell you at my house. So that way he'll get to know who you are." "Who are you talking about. Who's he." "He is my friend.  So I want you to be nice to him." "Is he your boyfriend. Cause if it is then I'm cool with it. You should already know that." "I do know that but I swear he's not my boyfriend. C'mon don't give me that look." We started walking up the hill towards the house and finally got there. 

When we got there he walked inside. He was the only person to make me feel safe that we until.  He shut the door behind me locking it and looked at me with a creepy smile. "So...  You wanna meet HIM. Or not.  Are you OK." "Why didn't you tell me you always had a crush on me. I want to know why you NEVER even thought about telling me. " "H-how d-d-did y-yu-you f-find o-out." "Don't be scared of me.  I feel the same way for you. I always have.  Please be my boyfriend. " I didn't know what to make of this and ended up having a panic attack then everything turned black.  The last thing I saw was worried eyes looking down at me. I came to hours later. I opened my eyes and saw Glitcher looking at me worriedly.  "Are you feeling better... I was so worried for you.  Please I never want anything like this to happen again." "... OK. " "But can you think about my offer earlier.  I will keep asking every week. I don't want to lose you you're my best friend and best friend's that end up together are more likely to stick together forever. " "The problem is how long do I have after what I show you. " I said looking at the floor. "It doesn't matter I'll love you forever into the next life and the next one over and over again ...I'll love you unconditionally. " "Please think about my offer. Griefer." He said going into the kitchen and getting something to drink. I was let with my thoughts for a while.  Why all of a sudden is he jealous..  I mean it thought I'd be the one who would finally lose it after all this time. I mean he is always doing something with a different girl. 

Maybe I should,  I know he's my crush and all but is he really the best option.  Sure he's known as a cheater but the girls love him.  Know what I think I'll give him a chance. Only one chance if he blows it, then it's over. "OK.  Glitcher I've thought about your offer and I've made my decision." "Really!" He said getting excited and running out if the kitchen. "What's your answer." Then as if by magic my grandma came out of the room and said, “I will not support your filthy kind. Not in my house!" She yelled.  I looked at her and said, "Then I'm leaving." "NO. YOUR. NOT!!" as she said that she grabbed me but the neck and pulled me close to her. I knew what she was going to do she was going to try and do.  I didn't want to be beaten in front of my friend. I tried getting away.  But my struggles we're all in vain. Damn her! I need. To. Get. Away!!! "LET. HIM. GO!!" Glitcher yelled slamming a fist into my gran. At that moment it didn't matter if she was a woman. He knocked her down along the way my gran lost her grip on me.  I ran upstairs and shut the door.  I looked at the screen which said WELCOME BACK... I smiled then said. "Sorry BEN. I have to go.  Do you want to come with me. I need to leave so make up your mind quickly. " As soon as I finished talking BEN said OF COURSE I'LL COME WITH YOU... I smiled that he was coming with me.  I took out BEN'S game and put it in my pocket.  I took my 3Ds and other small games that would fit in my pocket or a small bag that I had with me. Of course I had to take my awesome laptop and charger cause I'm not stupid. I then took out all the money I had left and said,  "Yes now time to leave this wretched place."

I ran to the back door and shut it behind me.  I then climbed up the back fence and ran into the woods as fast as I could.  I was glad no one saw me. It was almost too perfect. The silence was too much for me to take so I plugged in my phone and put on some Three Days Grace.  My favorite song was Pain.  I felt a connection with the lyrics. Anyways... I soon had to stop running and leaned against a tree to steady my breath.  I examined the tree and saw an X within a circle.  I smiled. "Ooooooo. I'm soooooo scared.  Ahh there's a spider. Hahahahahaha." I couldn't help but laugh at my own stupidity.  "Dang I'm stupid. Well if you want Skinny you can always kill me I don't care. Besides I have nothing to live for. Nothing at all. Or ya know I could always kill myself.  Hmmm...  Imma do it!! Yaya!" I skipped to the nearest pond.  It was crystal clear. I smiled, "Perfect." I started humming as i took of my small bag and took off my shoes. I put BEN in the bag and made my way towards the pond and sat there for a while contemplating life. "DAMN IT.  I SAID I'D DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH MY LIFE BUT ALL I DID WAS DO NOTHING!!! UGH... oh well. I guess there was nothing for me to do. I had no purpose at all." I sighed "Welp this is the last of me.  Hahahaha." I finally stood up and dived in deep. I grabbed a hold of a root at the bottom and held it tightly. I let all my breath go and smiled. I didn't panic at all.  I just smiled and felt myself losing consciousness.

I WAS CURIOUS AS TO WHAT HE'D DO AND WHAT I SAW SHOCKED ME.  HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF. I NEEDED TO STOP HIM.  BUT I COULDN'T IF HE DID COMMIT SUICIDE MY JOB WOULD BE OVER AND I WON'T HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN.  BUT THEN THAT WOULD MEAN I DON'T GET TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE EVER. AND THE LAST MEMORY I'D HAVE OF HIM WAS WHEN HE KILLED HIMSELF. I MADE UP MY MIND I HAVE TO SAVE HIM.  I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE PAINFUL BUT I DIDN'T CARE,  NOT WHEN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF. THERE WAS A FLASH OF BLUEISH GREEN LIGHT.  THEN I APPEARED I LOOKED LIKE A CHARACTER FROM LOZ. SPECIFICALLY LINK.  BUT I WAS DIFFERENT AROUND THE EYES THERE WAS BLOOD AND MY EYES WERE PITCH BLACK WITH RED IN THE CENTER. I RUSHED FORWARD TO THE LAKE LOSING MY BALANCE SEVERAL TIMES. I HADN'T SEEN THE WORLD LIKE THIS IN SO,  SO MANY YEARS. I HESITATED BY THE LAKE. THE PROBLEM WAS,  WAS THAT I HAD A DEATHLY FEAR OF WATER,  SEE I WAS DROWNED BY SOMEONE IN A LAKE. I DIDN'T WANT TO GO IN BUT I HAD TO SAVE HIM.  I MADE UP MY MIND AND DOVE IN.  THERE WAS A SMALL SPLASH. I SOON FOUND HIS BODY AND GOT HIM AROUND THE WAIST. I PULLED HIM AND SET HIM FREE OF THE THING HE WAS HOLDING. I BROUGHT HIM BACK UP.  HE HAD ALREADY TURNED BLUE. I PUMPED HIS CHEST SO MANY TIMES.  I HAD TO DO MOUTH TO MOUTH. IT WAS THE ONLY OPTION I HAD LEFT. I PINCHED HIS NOSE AND PUMPED OXYGEN THROUGH HIS MOUTH.  MINUTES LATER HE CAME TO.  I SMILED HAPPY.  EVEN THOUGH MY FORM WAS FADING.

I opened my eyes and saw him I saw BEN.  He was flickering.  I said,  "I finally get to see you. " He smiled at me and said,  "I can't stay long. If you want me to stay you'll have to summon me using my name,  the symbol,  and a life of someone you hate... Because that always brings out the love. " As he said this he turned blue in the cheeks. I didn't think anything about it except. 'Wow I didn't know anyone could turn blue like that. ' I realize later that I was soooooo,  soooooo damn naive. I was sooooo STUPID.  ANYWAYS I had to come back to town and I went to school. Like nothing was wrong. I mean I didn't hate James he only got on my nerves.  The person I truly hated so much that I wouldn't hesitate to kill was... Jenna.  I hated her so much that just hearing her name made me want to hurt the closest person near me.  Anyways I had to find another person that I hated.  Which was Elsa damn I hated that cold hearted freak so much. Like just even mentioning her and I got pissed off. Hmmmm that only reminded me to work on my anger management...  Ugh.  Oh well.  I walked up to the one of most popular girls in school,  AKA Elsa. I asked her to meet me in the back of the school because I needed to talk with her.

  I saw Elsa walk to the back of the school I let her come to me.  As soon as she was near me I started flirting with her.  And of course she fell for it and I soon stabbed her in the back.  I took out her heart with one easy swipe. I smiled then cleaned up the mess despising of the body in the trash can it will take a few days for them to find her. I then ran back into the woods and made my way to the lake BEN had disappeared in the game again. I said,  "This is my first time killing someone.  But surprisingly I liked it.  Does that make me bad. If so I don't want to be bad I only wanted to help.  But I don't care anymore... all that matters is that I helped you. " I put the heart by BEN'S game then turned away from him staring at the lake.  I was ashamed of myself for hurting an innocent person but hated that girl so who cares. She should've saw it coming.  Never trust me.  I should warn people. I don't want someone else to get hurt. Or do I.

I soon started crying like a baby. I was mad at myself for hurting an innocent person. I started blaming myself.  No wonder people hate me.  I really am a mental case. I should be in a mental hospital.  I should be dead. If only he had let me die earlier. Ughhhh. GRIEFER ARE YOU OK.. "..." PLEASE ANSWER ME. "..." I'M SORRY GRIEFER...  I REALLY AM... I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THIS OF YOU... "..." PLEASE FORGIVE ME... IM SOOOOOO SOOOOO SORRY... PLEASE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME...  I'M TERRIBLE...  "... No you are not. I'm mad at myself not you." THERE'S A REASON WHY I WAS STUCK IN THE GAME...  I'M A VERY VERY BAD 'PASTA...  ONE OF THE WORST EVEN JEFF IS AFRAID OF ME...  IT MAKES ME SAD... "You may be bad but you're still my friend...  No matter what happens you'll always be my friend.  Don't say bad things about yourself it will only make you feel worse. So please don't do that to yourself.  If not for yourself but for me or someone you care deeply about." He slightly smiled with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Then he did the most asked,  "WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I DID TI SV CLAIMED THE WORST KILLER IN THE MANSION..." "You lil shit you take pride in being called the worst 'pasta don't you. But to answer your question sure I'd like to know what you did. "

  I saw him running away from me when he saw what I did.  I had murdered a creepypasta it was impossible to kill a creepypasta like so impossible because when you killed them they returned 10 seconds later.  But this time that didn't happen, this time the pasta he killed, Jane,  didn't come back.  He had killed her with his bare hands. Ripping out her heart and gouging out her eyes.  There was blood everywhere. Then someone knocked on the door while he was cutting her open. She should've come back by now.  Then the door opened. There was a scream. There we panic. They called Skinny. He declared her officially dead. He called BEN a freak. He said he was dangerous. No one was to go near him. No one was to anger him. Everyone left him. His best friend left him. No one tried helping him. They all avoided him. Made him feel like he was worthless. He believed all of them. Soon after believing all of them he felt hopeless like no one could save him.  No one cared that he was slowly killing himself by not eating,  by cutting himself. If someone noticed they didn't say anything to help him.  That all whispered he was an attention seeker. That he wanted them all to feel sympathy so that he could kill them later just like he did to Jenna. They had all thought that he liked her that why he was always mean to her.  They thought that he was going to ask her out but that never happened. They were so wrong.  He had killed her out of hatred. He had taken the first chance he'd gotten and stabbed her in the front.  Not back cause that wouldn't have been true friendship just like the song said. One day he woke up in a straight jacket. In a white room. Just white. It nearly drove him crazy seeing all the white. He bit the inside of his cheek and spit out the blood on the walls onto the floor and slowly devoured his own flesh.  No one noticed till the 6th day.  They called him a freak again. It happened again he killed Doctor Smiley. They weren't happy with him anymore. They said he needed to leave.  He didn't want to leave.  They forced him back into the game. They made sure he stayed there unless someone killed the person they hated and smeared the blood on the game. Then he would be freed.  He had been trapped in the game for over two centuries.  No food or water.  Just being passed back and forth by the old man. Person to person.  Hoping that he would be freed by one of them. He was never freed. Until one day he was.

  I had sat still listening to the sad story of how he was bullied and how much he was hurt for being different. No wonder he was surprised by my reaction finding out that there was a virus ghost dude in my game system. He was crying his eyes out making the black liquid leak. I smiled sadly at him then pulled him into a tight hug.  He was surprised and tried to get away but I hugged him tighter and didn't let go until his bobbing ceased. "Are you feeling better." THANK YOU SO, SO, SO VERY MUCH... IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY CARED ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO ME WHILE I STABBED THEM IN THE BACK... He was right he'd stabbed me without me noticing it I looked down at the knife penetrating my stomach. He then said,  YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'D BE YOUR FRIEND...  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...  YOU LEFT ALL YOU FRIENDS BEHIND...  AND FOR WHAT ABSOLUTELY NO REASON....  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... I stared at him happily.  Little did he know I wasn't that easily killable. See my father wasn't actually my father it was some dude named Lucifer.  My mother was never really my mother,  that was my stepmother. I never had a mother. I had three fathers.  I know weird right well...  Anyways my other two fathers are Hisoka and another dude named Axel Jones. He was the only one's last name I knew. I wonder why. At least his name is kinda normal. I will always wonder why they have such weird names. Oh well.  I have to do something more important that talking with you. So imma go back to the story. Anyways as I lost conscience I saw him start to walk away and 2 seconds later I opened my eyes smiling sadistically.  No one and I repeat no one gets away with stabbing me.  I stood up picked up my belongings and chased after that ugly chicken nugget. He seemed very surprised that I was still up and running. HOW..  WAHH...  WAIT HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE...  USUALLY PEOPLE OR 'PASTAS STAY DEAD...  WHAT ARE YOU... I just smiled at him and said,  "I'm officially your new found enemy. Until you apologize for stabbing me,  I won't be your friend. Understood. " SORRY IM VERY SORRY... IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT USED TO PEOPLE BEING KIND TO ME I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD THINK ME A FREAK AND DESPISE ME AFTER I TOLD YOU THE STORY... I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A PERSON LIKE ME... "Listen,  BEN...  No matter who you were in the past. It doesn't define who you are now. You could be a totally different person... Or you could be the same.  It doesn't matter to me. You are my friend. And as a friend I will make sure you are on the right path. Understand. I will ALWAYS be your friend until I die officially.  OK.  Got it." He smiled at me happy and started crying real tears and let out loud sobs and struggling for breath. I took out a water bottle and made him drink it until he calmed down. THANKS GRIEFER...  I REALLY NEEDED THAT... NOW... HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU TO MEET THE KILLERS… I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY ENCOUNTERED JEFFREY... HE REALLY HAS A THING FOR YOU ... "What you're crazy that's disgusting. Besides I don't like him I like someone else." REALLY...  WHO... "I'm not going to tell you. " I said blushing. HMMM...  I WILL FIND OUT... SOMEDAY... I laughed at that then we started walking towards the mansion. Which would take us two weeks to get to.

TWO WEEKS LATER We finally made it.  The place looked so HUGE. The air smelled like blood and corpses even though there was no corpses nearby.  The mansion as something out of a horror movie.  The walls were so old it was chipped and cracked in some places and dry blood on the walls. No doubt of some poor human looking for the 'pastas. Oh well they deserved it,  they shouldn't have gone looking for them. I smiled as I looked at the place. This felt like I was home.  I looked over at BEN who had turned very tiny so I had to look for him on the floor.  He was the size of my finger. I bent down to pick him up and he smiled gratefully at me. KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND WHOEVER ANSWERS JUST SAY 'JANE IS DEAD' THEY WILL LET YOU SPEAK TO SLENDER. I nodded then noticed that my shoelaces we're uneven so I had to undo them bending down I untied them and felt a slap across my right butt cheek. Then I heard someone say,  "Dang dat booty." I turned around and slapped the person across the face.  Oops instincts. I felt bad for hitting the person but they should know not to hit someone on their butt. Then I noticed that it was Jeffrey. I was pretty sure he knew who I was too. "Hey it's you. " He growled. I smiled and said, "Jenna is dead." He immediately looked scared and said,  "I hope you know what you're doing. I wish you the best of luck. Anyways follow me." I didn't think about it and followed him. When I got inside the place looked so broken down,  like everything was either broken or really old,  and sharp things were littered across the floor. There was what seemed like fresh broken glass in the middle if the hall. I frowned and thought 'damn is there absolutely no one who cleans here.' "Sorry about the mess...  It's usually not this messy. " I raised an eyebrow at that and said "No it's ok.  Maybe someday it'll be clean. " He laughed at that and said,  "Yeah hopefully someday. " He then indicated I follow him. As I followed him I noticed that every 'pasta had there own rank and unique style of killing,  like Jeffrey liked killing people when they were barely getting to sleep. It was actually quite interesting knowing about how they all had their own style.  I also found out that they even had their own special hobby. We finally made it to a big brown wooden door. I was actually surprised that we hadn't run into anyone. I looked up at the big door and smiled. "So this is Slender's room. Amazing. " "Ugh. Wait till you meet him." Jeffrey said in an annoyed tone then knocked on the door. "Come in. " He opened the door.  I walked in and looked back to see that Jeff had left. That poop head.  Welp. I looked at the slender figure in front of me. Damn was he tall. "Oh.  And who are you? " "I happen to be Griefer Mr. Skinny. " He growled at me. I just smiled at him like the little brat I was. "Well, Griefer.  What have you done to be here. " "I killed my family. " I said lying a little.  Apparently he sensed that I was lying and said, "Why you always lying. " I cracked up with that and said,  "Because what I did was years ago before I was even able to know right from wrong.  Which was never. " "Hmmmm...  I need to know what you did. Or else I can't let you stay here." I thought about it then started off from the beginning.

  It was a warm Summer's Eve in the school of The Jewel. One person out of them all stood out in that big crowd. It was not the Jock,  not the cheerleader, not the popular one,  but the new one getting punched by the Jock,  getting called names by the cheerleader, and being circled by the popular ones. His name was known throughout the entire school for always being different. "Hey faggot. What's the difference between you and a watermelon...  One of them you eat and the other you can punch. " Said a cheerleader with a crappy joke. He was getting brutally punched being called horrible names that one should never be called. There as blood and vomit spewing from his mouth. He had one black eye no it wasn't even black more like a purple with a horrible yellow. He looked like a skeleton already but with the blood all over him he looked like some messed up vampire. What he found funny was that his pleas for help went unanswered. The teachers did nothing, they passed by as if they saw nothing. He finally started to get angry that they we're beating on him like some punching bag. He was tired of it. He felt unquestionable anger,  no it was fury. Man was he pissed off. He felt like a volcano ready to be set off at any given moment. And today we his day to be set off. All of a sudden there was a burst of silver coming from the boy that they've been beating on.  They all immediately back away. He didn't care that they were scared and curious about what was happening. All he wanted to do was hurt them like they've hurt him. He sent out a blast of fire,  burning them all. They screamed in agony begging him to stop. They kept begging but he didn't stop there. He wouldn't let them get off that easy. He sent out a burst of acid at them, peeling her skin slowly but making them pay for what they've done to him. They we're going to pay. After a couple of minutes those who were weaker started dying off. Then he started brutally stabbing them,  tearing them apart from limb to limb, literally. He made sure that when he was done with them,  well they would be dead by then.  After having his fun with the dead bodies he advanced forwards the one friend he had and it seemed as if time had slowed down. He did the unthinkable and hurt his own friend, Glitcher.

As I had been telling the story he had been silent I couldn't even hear anything from BEN. "Hmmm...  So what happened to your friend. " "Oh Glitcher...  We're still best friends. " "Even after what you did... Why though. " "That's because he knew I wasn't myself. He knew that someone else had taken over and he forgave me. This never happened again. " "My dear child.  I have some grave news for you..... "

"Welcome to the family." I looked at him and smiled happily. "Thanks... Mr. Skinny. " I smiled at him. Then I remembered about BEN. "Oh and Mr. Slendy you might want to know I freed BEN. " "...WHAT! " "Ummm... Ya but he said that he will be good and listen to your rules and whatnot. All he wants is to be treated normally. Not like he was going to just kill somebody anytime or kill them unexpectedly... He swears he'll be good. " "Hmmm... Where is he. " "Right here. " I said pointing to my pocket. " "He was here the entire time! " "Uhhh. Ya." “ ughhhhh... Why didn't you tell me earlier. " "Because I forgot and barely remembered. " " let me see him first. " "Hmmmm.... Okie. " I pulled the small BEN out of my pocket and smiled at him. He was in the palm of my hand facing me with crossed legs and crossed arms. I gently took off his hat and be reached for it. HEY GIVE IT BACK YOU GIANT... PLEASE... I smiled at him but shook my head. I held him out for Skinny to see. Skinny examined him. He picked him up gently with one of his abnormally long fingers. Ben squirmed all over and finally bit Skinny really hard. Skinny dropped him. I immediately reacted by catching him. "You clumsy little fool. " I said to BEN. Apparently he didn't like being called little and he bit me. I only smiled. WHY... YOU EMOTIONLESS FREAK... I smacked him on the head with one finger. "Take that shorty. " OK YOU WENT TOO FAR... "Well then... FUDGE YOUR CROISSANTS!!! ... WAIT... WHAT... "I dunno... Anyways Mr. Skinny now that you've examined him. Are you gonna let him stay. Please. " I said giving him a pleading look. "Ugh.... Fiiinnnneeeeeee. I hate to admit it but I missed my little toy. Besides that he's so damn adorable. Like seriously he's so damn kawaii. " WELL THANKS FOR EMBARRASSING ME. HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO KNOW THAT SKINNY FACE. WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT... "Awww Thats so cute. At least I know Skinny has a fanboy side to him. We should hang out sometime. We would get along so well." "That sounds like a good idea but one question first. Percabeth or Jercy." "Ooooo. That one is easy... Jercy." "Correct. " He said happily. "Woowoo. " I said smiling. AHEM. YA DO KNOW I'M STILL HERE RIGHT, CREEPS... I just smiled and pet his hair. "Sorry. It's just that you're so tiny I forgot about you. Hehehe." WELL THAT'S NOT RUDE AT ALL... "I know right I'm just soooo nice." UGH... "How long have you two known each other. " At the same time we said, "About two or three weeks. " I HAVE NO EFFING IDEA... "Really BEN. That's just sad. " NOT MY FAULT I'M JUST A 'VIRUS' LIKE THE OTHERS SAID... "BEN that's really sad. But anyways why were you asking Skinny. " "I was asking because you two remind me of a newly wed couple. " "Oh in that case... BEN I want a divorce. " OH HELL NAW YOU AIN'T LEAVIN ME... With that we started cracking up. We're so dang stupid. "I swear you two will be the end if me." Skinny said sighing. "Oh yeah since imma be a part if the family... Where is everyone. " "Well at this hour they are all either asleep or out hunting. I'll give you a schedule so you can know what to be doing at certain hours. Also every in has to cook at least once a month. It'll say on the schedule when it-" He got interrupted by me saying, "Umm can I just cook all the time cause I Like cooking and cleaning ya know and keeping the house in good shape. While also doing the other stuff that I have to do." Surprisingly he agreed quickly saying, " Of course if you're up for the responsibility of cooking for all he creepypastas in the house. Also I've been meaning to get Hoodie or Masky to clean the house but I've never found the time. " "Yes!! I am definitely up for the responsibility." I said happily. "Well OK then, just don't let them try to get you into a maid outfit. " "OK. " I said a little confused as to why anyone would want me in a maid outfit. "Ahhh. Such innocence. " Skinny said. "Huh. What do you mean by that. " "Nothing. " He quickly said. SKINNY YOU BETTER NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. "I have not the slightest clue what you're talking about Benny-boo. " OH DON'T ACT ALL INNOCENT WITH ME "Oh and what do you mean about that Lil BEN. " I just started laughing and said, "Y'all are pretty stupid. But now that you guys stopped arguing can someone please tell me where I will be staying. " "Right. Sorry bout that. Anyways based on your story you'll be staying on Jeffrey's floor which is also where the more scarier killers go. " "Oh kewl. " I took his silence as my cue to leave and thankfully he wouldn't announce my presence until next morning. So that all killers were there. Dang too bad I forgot to mention that I have anxiety. Oh well it'll pass. I walked up the steps to the very top floor and saw Jeffrey on the floor looking very bored just staring at the ceiling. "Take a picture. It'll last longer. " He suddenly said out if nowhere. I responded to his mockery with sarcasm as was my second nature by saying, "of course my beautiful princess I shall take as many pictures as you wish. " He turned his head towards me and then asked, "what's a noob like you doing up here does Skinny want something." "Huh. Oh no Skinny told me I would be staying up here. He's so cool too bad I can't kill him." "Ahhhh I see why he put you up here... You're in between sanity and insanity. Hahah sucker. " "Not cool. Anyways which room is unoccupied." He then pointed to the door all the way down the hall. "Umm... Thanks I guess. " I walked down the hall feeling him watching me. I opened the door and what I saw was a horrible sight, but I wasn't surprised... me. It was Offender on top of a lady. He was doing something to her that I couldn't understand all I knew was that I shouldn't have see this. "My poor eyes. " I whispered. "Why Jeffrey,  why." That was all I had to say to make the fall man that looked like Skinny aware of me at the doorway. He growled at Jeffrey but then his look softened when he saw me standing there looking confused,  and slightly worried for the lady that was in a puddle of her own blood. I ignored both of them and entered the room I notice some weird 'torture devices' but they were oddly shaped. I walked over to the lady who was gasping for air and like someone was holding a bag around her neck.  I immediately knew that she had asthma. I turned back to the tall man and glared then I turned back to the lady. I summoned a water bottle for her and had her lean against me in an upright position so she could drink the water. As she drank the water I told her in a soothing voice, "It's going to be OK.  Just tell me what happened because I've never encountered a scene like this. " "Awwww you are so innocent. That's cute. " The tall man said looking at me like he might gobble me up. I frowned at him and said,  "Ya well this 'innocent' kid might just rip you apart if you don't shut the heck up... So would you two please wait outside. Also I don't care about what you were doing to her walking corpse. " He frowned at me and was about to take step towards me when Jeffrey suddenly said,  "You touch him Skinny is going to be really mad. " "Fine but next time you tell me what to do and interrupt me while I'm doing my business I will make sure you pay. " He said growling at me.

I just glared and stayed by the ladies, who as I looked closer was only around 14-16, side and glared till they left.  I then turned to the lady and asked,  "What happened. " "H-h-he r-ra-raped me.” 

"That buttnugget. Why would he do such a thing. " "Awww it's true you are so innocent. You don't even know who he is...  He's...  He's Sexual Offenderman. " "Ehhhh.  What does that mean. " "Look it up. Cause I sure as hell won't be the one to ruin your innocence." "Oh...  Okie. "

After helping her clean up and giving her something to restore her health. She did something unexpected and brought one of the many knives to her chest and stabbed herself. 

Griefer stared at her lifeless body in shock and finally realized what it was to actually kill someone and knew now that he had made the worst mistake in his life. 

If only he could go back in time. But too bad he couldn't or didn't know how to bad he didn't know his father's or what they were. Ugh that's another bad thing about not knowing your parents. 

Griefer's sighed and cleaned up the bloody mess she left behind and put the ‘clean' blood and put it in a baggy for later. He then looked around the room and in a minute cleaned the room of all the white liquid he has found. 

Ugh what a dirty room. He thought then walked out and said to ‘Fender,  “she's dead my job is done,  at least she had a quick death.”

“WHAT!!  YOU KILLED MY TOY!!! “ He yelled at him and was about to grab him by the shirt when there was a cough behind him. They three of them looked and saw that it was…

“Oh shoot hehehe…  Umm hey Skinny,  bro,  buddy old chum. How's it going.”

“Brother what we're about to do… Well I'm waiting. “

“Ummm…  wait are you…  Are you… being overprotective.”

“No.  On the contrary. I can see he has a very great potential. Better than…” He fell silent and looked at the others then walked over to me and picked me up putting me over his shoulder. 

I frowned and knew that it would be useless to fight. “Ugh. Really Mr. Skinny,  why you do dis. “

He whispered something I couldn't hear. Then he said “what's your real name.”

I looked at him and said,  “Its Bas-”

“No your REAL name.”

“But that is my real name. “

“No it's not now tell me.” he said as we got to his room.

I gulped and said, “I have no other known name that I'm aware of. Is there one I should be aware of.”

He frowned at me,  “I know who your parents are and I know you're their bastard child so tell. me. your. name.”

Then as he was about to strike me Jeffrey burst into the room and said, “Slender how could you try and land a blow on him!!!  Let him go he's staying with me until you can prove yourself.”

Slender seemed to smile and said, “this was only a test to see if you actually cared about him…  You passed.”

“What the hell !!! Slender it's not cool to do that to someone.” Jeff yelled 

“But in all truth I do know who your parents are Greifer…  Be glad they decided to have you unlike the rest.”

“What do you mean? Who's the rest? “ I asked confused. 

“That is not my place to tell you.” He stated as if I should know. That bubblegum idiot. 

Ugh he knew who my parents were and I don't even know what get are like. This sucked butt.  I sighed. 

“Dammit Mr. Skinny I dunno my ‘REAL’ name. Shoot I don't even know what my parents look like. Ugh. Would you please tell me how to find them. “

“First let's go talk in your room I don't want anyone to know what we are talking about. “ He said looking at Jeffrey and ‘Fender.

Jeffrey looked at him then me and sighed. He walked back to his room.  ‘Fender just looked at me glared then said, “Until next time.” Then he walked to find his next victim. 

We walked to across from ‘fenders room into my new room. It's walls were painted midnight blue. Everything was bare it seemed empty even though there was a bed and some furniture and now me. 

I looked around and noticed that there was some dried blood in the bathroom. I wondered what happened here. My question was answered by Skinny. 

“Suicide Squidward stayed here we had to move him somewhere where his safety was all that mattered. We couldn't keep him here cause he kept making others worry and making them feel all depressed and crap. I know it we wrong of me to send him away but I had to. He needs someone who'll look after him. I couldn't provide that. “

I frowned and said, “I could help him,  where is he. I want to know where he is.”

“No.”

“And why the heck not. Hmmm.”

“Because I don't want you coming back looking all emo and shiz.”

“Wow. You are like soooo rude.”

“You're still going to try and find him aren't you.”

“Yep.”

“But why are you trying to help someone who is so far deep into depression. This is why I will never understand humans. “

“Correction I'm not human. At least I don't think I am. And to answer your question. I want to help because people deep into depression think that they are not loved or that they are unwelcome. They think this by people's actions… Did you by any chance try speaking with him. Or at least try to understand where he came from.”

“Umm… No.”

“That's where you went wrong… Haha the almighty Skinny doesn't know how to help others. Dammit Slaughter. Sorry about that.”

“Hmmm.  That's OK but who was that. Also do you by any chance have any oth-”

I cut him off and said,  “Yes I do their names are- Don't tell him you dumb butt. How dare you call me that Shy why aren't you stopping him. Because I don't want to. Wow what a good friend you are. We aren't friend then.  Why. Because you are a dumb butt.”

��This is quite amusing but who are they.”

“They are my friends and they usually don't show themselves unless it's something serious. So I guess when they want they all tell you their names. But since you already know Slaughter he'll be showing up more. Also don't make him angry. Actually don't make any of us angry.”

“OK. I'll try. But out of curiosity what will happen.”

“That is not my place to tell.” 

“Very well then.”

“Wait Skinny before I go.  Why did you abandon BEN. He is will very heart broken about being close date freak. Please apologize to him for me.”

“... I'll think about it.”

He soon left me not before giving me a schedule of what I had to do. I looked it over and saw that I had to cook in about six minutes.  

Yes I was about to meet all of the ‘pastas finally after waiting for like almost four hours. 

Then I remembered I never did find out how to find my parents.  Ugh dammit Skinny. He just avoided talking about them. Ggggghhhh… Now I'm mad. 

As I made my way to the kitchen. I felt eyes on me and I knew this time it wasn't Jeffrey.  I quickly turned around to see a man with a mouthguard in trying to flee. 

I caught his arm and turned him around and held him In a tight grip. He seemed surprised to be caught. Then I said,  “Who the doodlebutts face are you?”

“I-I'm Tic-ci Tob-y.”

“Wait what did you say.” Instead of answering he pulled tightly from my grip and ran off. “Well he's weird. Maybe I'll see him at lunch.”

I checked the time and ran off to the kitchen and prepared waffles and chicken, hamburgers, and pizza.  Then I just cooks kidneys,  flesh,  and guts for the cannibals in the house. For dessert I made candy apples. 

As I set the table little BEN decided to pop out of my pocket. 

HI GRIEFER…  WASSUP… 

“Bruh. I forgot you were even here. Cause you are so tiny. Like did you die bruh.”

NO I WENT TO AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE… 

He said this with a lot of sarcasm,  ha too bad he couldn't beat me in a sarcasm match. 

“Ya well.  At least I'm not tiny,  if ya know what I mean.”

I'M BIGGER WHERE IT COUNTS…

“You nasty.”

As he was about to reply a man with a white mask and feminine looking lips and no eyes walked in. 

“Oh.” He said and looked at the table that was filled with lots of food. Then he looked at me. 

“Oh. I didn't know there was a new recruit.” Then stared at the food hungrily. 

“I'm Griefer.”

THIS IS MINE DO. NOT. TOUCH…

Ben said out of nowhere glaring at the masked man. 

Griefer was about to protest when the other killers started flooding in. Everyone started sitting down in their spots. 

I served everyone what they wanted no one looked at me twice. Except Jeffrey,  he seemed unusually quiet for a person I've only known for a couple hours. 

“Hey J-Jeffrey. Je-ffr-ey. Jef-f-rey. Je-ff-rey. Jef-ffffff-fffff-fffreyyyyy!”

I looked at Jeffrey from the corner of my eye and noticed that the guy with the mouth guard was annoying jeff. Jeffrey looked annoyed, but everyone else looked like this happened everyday. 

I looked around me to make sure no one noticed me and started making my way out. 

“Halt!” 

I heard someone call then grab me around the waist. All the other killers looked up at me and stared curiously. 

“YAY! New ‘pasta, and it's a girl.”

I was too shy to say anything so I just looked at the ground. Apparently the guy that called me a girl Decided to point out that I was shy. 

“Awwwww she's also shy. She's so darn cute.”

I frowned and looked up at the person who was holding me. It looked like another member of Skinny’s family.  The only thing was they looked more into the latest fashion. 

Then I started freaking out. This is bad he's touching me. Ewwwwwwww. 

“This is unsanitary. Let me go this instant. Who knows when the last time you washed those filthy hands of yours.” I said completely grossed out. 

Everyone looked at the man and then at me. Then they burst out laughing. A man that looked like a monochrome clown came in and said, “What I miss.”

“She called Trender f-f-filthy.” The man with a mask that held no eyes and liquid leaking out of them said. 

“Oh and nice ta meet ya-”

“I'm Griefer. And you are.”

“Eyeless Jack.” I could tell he was usually quiet. 

“Oh and I'm Laughing Jack. Eyeless is usually shy around everyone so don't be offended.”

I nodded and then turned to Eyeless who seemed to be blushing out of his mask. Thats weird. 

I wanted to tell Eyeless that I was a boy but everyone was too loud and I started thinking about the past this led me to start thinking badly so I ran out into the woods. 

I kept running till I was deep in the dark part of the woods. It took me a moment to calm down and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“That was intense.”

“Yeah it was. I wonder what they think of me now.”

“Maybe that you should leave.”

“Naw. I believe they think that you are a special child and need more help.”

“Hahaha. Very funny, Gerald.”

“Don't call me that.”

I just sighed and let them argue when I heard the sound of faint footsteps. Lots of them.

“Guys shut up.”

“OK.” They both said then left. 

I sat down and sighed again for the millionth time. 

Dang they must think I'm weird… Hmmm maybe… Maybe not. Who knows. If they think I'm weird for having anxiety then they are the weird ones. 

I hear the footsteps stop by one of the may trees. One person kept walking I could tell they were young. 

Whoever it was didn't care if they were seen and walked all the way towards me. They stopped behind me. I didn't turn around until they put a hand in my shoulder. 

I reacted immediately by jerking away.  I stood up quickly and turned around looking at the small person. 

It was a girl just as I thought. She had brown hair, a pink nightgown and blood running down her forehead. 

“Hi. I know you don't know me but I-”

“I know who you are Sally Williams. I'm Griefer. Nice ta meet ya…What do you want.”

“I- I want to help you,  but I don't know how.” She said scared and confused. 

“No you don't no one wants to help me. I'm useless.”

“No you're not. Who told you that.” She demanded. 

“I can't tell you.” I said wondering if I should tell about them. 

I decided not to. I listened to what she had to say.  The only thing I heard was ‘help you.’

Then I looked at her with tears threatening to spill and I said, “Thank you but my anxiety won't go away,  I mean you can try to help me… Also I know you guys are here. So,  Like I dunno come out.”

I heard whispering and slowly they came out. They each looked down except for Jeffrey who saw that I had tears threatening to spill and ran towards me. 

Apparently BEN couldn't handle seeming someone run at me like that. Soon there was a blueish light appeared and a 5’9 BEN appeared and he growled at Jeffrey.  Jeffrey stopped, which cause everyone to stop and stare at him. 

There was fear written on all their faces. They whispered about how it was impossible for BEN to appear unless someone freed him. They all glared at BEN. 

Sally was the first to do anything. She ran up to BEN and hugged him. 

“BEEEEENNNNNNN!!! You're back!  YAY!” She turned and smiled at me. “Thank you so,  so, so much for bringing him back I've missed my BENNY-BOO.” 

Everyone looked at her then at BEN to see his reaction. He looked annoyed so Jeffrey walked up to him and said,  “Why are you back. Who brought you back.”

WELL IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS WHO BROUGHT ME BACK… AND AS TO WHY I'M HERE… WELL I'm ONLY CAME HERE CAUSE GRIEF NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY… 

“ BEN you can't stay here.”

I looked at both of them and pulled Sally away from them and I whispered to her,  “Go call Skinny.”

She nodded and ran off. I looked at them and got in between them. 

“Jeffrey calm down,  please,  just listen for a minute.” He looked at me for a moment and growled at me. I was startled by this and started crying. 

SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE JEFFREY… DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HUMAN EMOTIONS… HE'S A SENSITIVE PERSON… APOLOGIZE NOW… 

“N-n-no i-it's o-oh-ok I n-n-now k-know th-tha-that J-Je-Jeffrey h-ha-hates m-me…” Then I started crying again. BEN put his arms around me and held me trying to comfort me.  He glared at Jeffrey and whispered in my ear, 

“If you want to leave we always can.”

I looked up at him with my tear stained face and said, “No it's OK.” I wiped my tears away. 

“I don't hate you.  It's just why did you have to free him. He's evil.”

“He's not evil,  if he was I would have never spoken to him. He's not evil he only want you guys to treat him normally then maybe he won't be an outcast. It's mostly Slenders fault for doing this but everyone makes mistakes. Even BEN,  ugh I didn't want to tell you guys but I guess I have to…  Jane was never dead. She left. She decided to leave… I'm sorry.”

“What seems to be the problem.” It was Skinny. He ‘looked’ at everyone of us. 

“Well BEN appeared and then Jeffrey made Griefer cry.” Sally said simply. 

Apparently Skinny only got part of what she said. He rushed over to me and asked,  “Are you OK? Did he hurt you?  What did he say?”

“I'm OK Mr. Skinny. I also explained that Jenna had left… I'm sorry.”

“Yes, unfortunately Jenna left us by faking her death I only just figured it out when Griefer told me.” He paused as if though contemplating telling them something. Then he said, “OK. I wasn't going to tell you this but I see now that I have no choice… Griefer is a valuable member and has information that we all need OK. So please try and be nice to him. That is all for now. Also BEN has changed so try to get to know him again.”

They all hesitated and looked at each other and finally decided.  If Skinny said that BEN had changed then maybe he had,  they still had doubts but decided to trust Skinny and give it a shot. 

“OK.” They all said.

“We'll try to be his friend.” Laughing Jack said but put emphasis on try. He was one of those that wouldn't try to be BEN's friend. I only faked my best smile and looked at Jeffrey hopefully. 

“Ugh fine. I'll be your ‘friend' BEN. I mean we live on the same floor and whatnot.” This made me smile. 

It was already time for dinner when we started our way back home. I smiled happily, happy that everyone was getting along.

I look behind me and noticed that the boy who had been watching me earlier was talking with the masked guy. They soon noticed that I was making my way towards them and both stopped, looked at me, looked around frantically as if though looking for a way out.

I was confused, why did they want to run, was I that ugly. I wanted to cry right there but I have already cried too much, I have to be strong.

I walked straight up to them and grabbed the one with the mouth guard by the arm and said, “Why do you keep running from me, huh. Am I really that horrid to look at. Is that why? Well don't just stand there talk to me.”

He made some ticking noises and finally said, “Y-y-ou ar-e n-ot u-ug-ly.” He stated bluntly, then looked at the ground.

“Yeah as a matter of fact you're really pretty... I'm sorry what such bad manners of us, we didn't introduce ourselves. Im Tim.” The masked one said looking at me.

I looked at mouth guard boy and looked at him expectantly. He realized that he had no other choice but to answer, he looked up and said, “I-am To-oby.

I smiled and said, “Noice to meet ya mate… Wait that's what you said earlier. Hahahaha.I'm so dumb.” I said laughing. 

That earned laughter from both of them. Then we walked towards the mansion laughing our butts off until I asked, “Hey, Toby.”

“Y-eah.”

“Why were you watching me earlier?”

As he was about to answer Tim interrupted him by covering his mouth and saying, “ We were watching you because… ermm… because we wanted to know more about you.” 

I decided not to push the matter and said, “Ugh since I know you won't tell me the truth. I'll go along with what you said.”

They smiled at me and Tim said, “Thanks bro.” 

I just smiled and continued to walk to the mansion. As I got inside I saw that everyone was sitting at the table waiting for food. These lazy monkey butts… Hmph waiting for me to feed them, wow.

I made my way to the kitchen and started preparing their meals. After 10 minutes I was finished and in record time! That was something to be proud of. 

Anyways I placed the food on the table. Then I sat myself down next to a fully grown BEN. I looked around me and smiled happily. Everyone was getting along and playing with each other. 

I'M BORED WANNA PLAY A GAME WITH ME… 

“Sure it's gotten boring anyways.” I said happy to go do something.

YAY!

We went to BEN’s room which was next to mine and we started playing video games. We were playing Super Mario 64 on our nintendo's, we were trying to see who would get the highest score on mini games. Obviously he won since he was the gamer master. I just smiled happy that he was happy. 

BEN soon just passed out and I carried him to his bed. Then I left the room to go to sleep. I changed and plugged in my ear buds.  The song that came on was 32 woman by Green freaks. 

I soon fell asleep to Dance with the angels by Breaking jims. I know right I'm so weird but yeah that song makes me feel like I should know something but I have no idea what it is. Maybe it's my childhood. Maybe it's my entire life. 

Oh well I'll never know, but who knows right. I mean I'm a crazy person, pfft no I'm not. I'm just mentally unstable. Or am I just being who I truly am. 

I woke up with people yelling and I am never a happy person in the morning. This just made me angry and I did the only thing I could think of. That's right I yelled. 

“DAMMIT CAN'T ANYONE GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET ‘ROUND HERE!”

Everything immediately went silent. Then they were whispering. I went to sleep since it was only five o'clock. I woke up one hour later not happy but with just enough energy to cook and clean. No one was out of their rooms, I wonder why? 

HEY WHY WERE YOU YELLING EARLIER… 

“Huh? I was yelling? Are you sure?”

WELL YEAH I'M SURE YOU JUST STARTED YELLING IN SOME WEIRD LANGUAGE… ARE YOU OK… DID YOU FINALLY LOSE IT… 

“Ehhh… Lose what. My sanity cause if that's what you meant then no not yet or I'm not really sure.”

UGH YOU BIG DORK… IF ONLY YOU KNEW… 

“Knew what?  That you luuuuuuuvvvvvvvveeeeee me.” I said joking around. The next thing I knew BEN was blushing madly. I stared at him shocked. He 

me. 

YOU DUMMY OF COURSE WHO COULDN'T LOVE YOU… IT'S OK IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME LIKE THAT…

I stared at him thinking, “BEN I'll always see you as my brother. I'm sorry it's a Platonic love. Again I'm sorry.”

OH WELL I TRIED… WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS RIGHT…

I laughed, “Of course, BEN.”

After that we continued on like nothing ever happened. No one found out that BEN had confessed to me and no one had to know. We were currently playing video games. I beat BEN for the third time in a row. 

I laughed then told BEN I had to go restroom. He laughed then told me to hurry. I got to the bathroom only to see Toby was in there taking a piss. I immediately apologized. 

When I got back BEN saw that I seemed deep in thought and decided that we retire early. I agreed absentmindedly. I was in my room when I remembered I never went to the bathroom. 

As I was making my way down to the restroom. I bumped into somebody. It was Toby, jeez it was like he knew where I was 24/7. He looked at me shocked then ran off to his room.

I went to the bathroom to see blood in the sink. Ugh, couldn't people do their business elsewhere. Then I realize someone had left a small blade. I also figured out whose blood it was. 

.

.

.

“Toby please open the door.”

“W-why.”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Uggghhh... F-fineeee.”

I took a step back and waited patiently for him to open the door. When the door opened I barges in. Showed him the blade and looked at him. He looks at the blade shocked. 

“I-it’s n-n-not m-mine, I-I sw-sw-ear.”

“Toby please just show me your arms.”

Toby then started crying and slowly pulled up his sleeves to reveal long deep cuts all over his arm. I cringed just looking at his arm. I gently too his arm and kissed his cut up arm. He seemed shocked and shivered. 

“Does it hurt?”

“No,  I can't feel remember.”

“Sorry.”

I woke up with arms wrapped around me. I slowly turned to see who was hoping me. I saw an unknown person and all I could think of was ‘oh what happened to Toby.’ Then I saw that there as a hold in this person's cheek. 

This was Toby, I chuckled who knew Toby would look so darn cute while sleeping. 

I slowly got out of the bed and put on my sweater. As I was making my way out Toby woke up. He looked at me and felt for his mouth guard frantically searching. I smiled sadly he was ashamed of himself. 

“Toby it's OK. Your mouth guard is next to you. Also take it from me,  no one care about what you look like all that matters is who they are inside.”

I then left leaving Toby no time to reply. I soon ran into Jeffrey as soon as I had taken ten steps from Toby's room. 

“Where were you all night, not that I care.”

“I was with Toby.”

“Toby. Why Toby, he's annoying.”

“Don't you dare insult Toby. Everyone has their own battles to fight and I will not tolerate you insulting someone like Toby. Understand.”

“Jeez, I'm sorry Grief. 

“It's OK it just that something happened last night and I'm just on edge about Toby, OK.”

“What happened to Toby?”

“I can't tell you.”

“Fine, playing hard to get. I like that.”

I just smiled and slapped him. He rubbed his cheek while I walked away. After that the day went uneventful. I soon got tired and just went to do my rounds early. 

.

.

.

It been three weeks since the Toby incident. I have grown closer to BEN, Toby, and Jeffrey. They are my three best friends although I do wish my first friend, poor Glitcher. I had to learn to give up on living a normal life and adjust to life as a killer. 

I was walking up the stairs towards my room when I bumped into someone it was Toby. We both tumbled down,  I noticed he didn't have his mouth guard on. I landed on top of him, I tried keeping myself from falling on him but I failed. Our lips met, our eyes widened in realization,  I immediately pulled away. 

“I'm so sorry Grief.”

All I could do was nod and I left to my room. In my room I touched my lips and whispered,  “My first kiss was with a guy.”

I fell asleep and woke up to Jeffrey yelling at someone. Apparently he didn't care that I was trying to sleep. I got out of bed and walked down to the kitchen where Toby was trying to eat his waffles without crying. While Jeffrey yelled at him. I glared and did my own fair share of yelling. 

“JEFFREY! STOP YELLING AT HIM FOR SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM!”

Everyone immediately went quiet and stared at the two of us. I glared at Jeffrey and tapped my foot impatiently. He looked down and softly said, “I'm sorry Toby, it's just that I wa-nevermind.”

Toby accepted his apology then hugged Jeffrey, then went back to happily eating his waffles. I smiled at them then went to go make dinner. Skinny helped me in the kitchen, Toby and BEN went to go hang out, and Jeffrey watched us make the food. 

I hummed while cooking and Skinny joined, we hummed to a silly tune. Soon we find ished and Jeffrey went to go call the others. We all had a big family dinner, Skinny sat at the end of the table I sat between Toby and BEN. Jeffrey seemed to be glaring at the two beside me. I didn't understand why. 

Our dinner was interrupted by loud knocking. Tim went to go check who it as and only came back with a letter addressed to me. I took the letter and opened it Toby and BEN read the letter silently with me. They were really shocked as to what it said. I was left speechless and gaped at it. 

“Well are you going to tell us what it day or are we going to ask Toby.” Said a very curious killer. I sighed and said,  “The letters from one of my fathers, to be more precise it's from Axel Jones… He said we are all in danger that HE is back and looking for me and if we want to be safe, to try and find him. If we can't find him within six months we are doomed.”

I looked at all their shocked faces and smiled sadly. “I really liked this place.” Was all I was able to say before everything went black and the last thing I heard were screams. 

I woke up in a dark cabin room. I had no idea how long I've been out but it must've been for some time since my hair has grown longer, it was now to my waist. The other thing I noticed was that the shadows moved. I could also hear things. 

Then for the second time I blacked out. This time I woke up with a wet towel being put on my forehead. The person looked surprised and whispered, “Crap! You're not supposed to be awake yet.”

I then felt something almost like a needle was being placed into my neck. I felt everything slowly go away before I heard frantic whispering then everything was gone. I was left in the dark. Then as I was getting comfortable the darkness seemed to go away too and everything was suddenly just gone.