#she also revealed that her and my dads couples therapist agrees with me that she’s poly

[deathbutwithfuzzyanimals]

New fact I recently learned about my mom, she thinks being trans is a mental illness, but not because it’s against god or whatever, but because she has so much trauma from being raised by a sociopathic plastic surgeon in LA that she is scared of how far the idea of altering our original forms will go, and is scared of the normalization of everything from tattoos to botox and gender affirming surgeries happen to fall in that category

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Might stop reading Worm.

Content warning: bugs/insects/arachnids and related horror, body horror mention, miscellaneous violence mention, sexual violence/assault mention

My thoughts on the first ten arcs of Worm. (contains spoilers)

So, I finally got around to reading Worm. It was kinda big when I was in high school, and I still know some people who are/were into it, so I thought it was time that I gave it a serious shot. I did actually try to read it in high school once, but I couldn’t get into it and stopped reading after the first chapter. I tried to be a little more persistent this time to give it a fair evaluation.

When I started reading Worm this time around, I kind of just breezed past the warning at the beginning (“This story isn’t intended for young or sensitive readers. Readers who are on the lookout for trigger warnings are advised to give Worm a pass.”) I don’t consider myself someone who really gets triggered by media. I think it’s important to talk about stuff, including fucked-up stuff. It’s uncomfortable, but that discomfort is part of the point. I think it probably should bother you to read about terrible things, even fictional ones, given that those fictional atrocities almost always have real-world counterparts.

I think I vastly underestimated the amount of fucked-up-ness that is in Worm. When I read that warning, I thought, “Okay, this story’s probably dealing with some dark themes, and there might be some particular scenes that are really disturbing.” After reading the first ten arcs, though, I feel it’s more accurate to say that fucked-up-ness is Worm. It is the core of the story, and there is really very little else.

So it’s not that any particular thing that happened in the story triggered an immediate, strong, psychologically-damaging reaction in me, but as I continued reading, I began to notice that not only was I not enjoying myself, I was actually finding it subtly unpleasant. When I read about something bad happening, I get hit with a small dose of negative emotion. As it turns out, that adds up over time, especially when there aren’t any positive scenes to balance out the negative stuff. Without me even noticing for a long time, Worm was making me unhappy.

Here’s what I did like about Worm:

Impressive world-building - Wildbow is exceptional at inventing different locations, groups, and individual actors and thus creating a detailed ecosystem of capes and civilians.

Lots of characters, lots of superpowers - Directly related to the previous point, Worm contains a lot of characters...arguably too many characters. I generally prefer stories that focus on a smaller number of characters in order to give each character more room for development, but I appreciate Wildbow’s talent for coming up with vivid, if simplistic, characterizations. There are also some really interesting superpowers and interesting takes on common powers.

Inventive use of Taylor’s superpower - Taylor is always coming up with new uses for her power: having black widow spiders spin silk for her suit, using her bugs are a sixth sense to keep track of her enemies and environment, using venomous bugs to take hostages, covering her body in bugs as a disguise, coating her bugs’ stingers in capsaicin for extra punch, using human-shaped swarms to fake out her enemies...The list goes on and on, and I really appreciate how Wildbow took this oft-overlooked superpower to the next level.

Danny Hebert - The only character in the story who I can say I genuinely like. Danny Hebert is a union organizer whose pet project is getting the ferry up and running again so that there can be more interaction between the poorer and wealthier parts of Brockton Bay. I also loved the scene where he supports Taylor in the “mediation” with her bullies and their parents at school. Even if he was impotent, unable to protect her, I could tell he was on her side. His one screw-up is when he locks Taylor in the living room and tries to force her to talk to him, but it definitely makes sense with his character (a little bit of a pushover) and the story (Taylor was shutting him out and seemed to be putting herself in danger) that he would end up letting Taylor’s grandma convince him to take a forceful approach. Don’t get me wrong, locking up your kid is a horrible thing to do (I should know, my parents did it to me, and it fucked me up), but I still ended up feeling bad for him when Taylor just up and disappeared. She didn’t even call her dad to let him know that she was still alive after Leviathan! I mean, on the one hand, I do actually appreciate that she started making an effort to protect her father from the dangers of her cape life, something that I was kind of appalled to see that she never even considered before. But damn, did I feel bad for Danny.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

Way too much fucked-up shit happening - Name an atrocity, Worm’s probably got it. The plot is mostly just terrible thing after terrible thing and reveals of how terrible all of the characters are, with many terrible things that aren’t directly treated in the plot peppered in along the way.

Lots of capes, no heroes - This is one of those themes that sounds deep on paper but is really just cynical and fatalistic. Even if all the capes are corrupted by power (or by the toxic power dynamics between capes), what about civilians? Where’s the thoughtful therapist or the brave fire-fighter? Danny Hebert is one notable exception to the “Everyone is terrible” rule, but we don’t see all that much of him. Other than him, the only person I can think of who could possibly fit this “civilian hero” role is Aisha’s social worker, who I don’t think even has a name.

All superpowers are evil - This is arguably just a rephrasing of the previous point, but I think it’s important to mention. Worm contains so many superpowers, but it seems like they’re all being put to evil purposes. Panacea, the superheroine with healing powers (really just dominion over health and illness of the human body in general), makes some really despicable threats (e.g. giving someone cancer with a touch, or giving someone a disorder that will only manifest at an unknown time in the future, leaving them to anguish over their fate). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with writing a character using this type of power for evil ends. There’s a lot of interesting stuff to explore there, and I actually love that Panacea is a character that acknowledges the burden of having a healing power, feeling unable to take any time for yourself while simultaneously growing to resent those you feel obligated to help. My issue is not with Panacea but with the fact that literally every superpower in the story is painted in a negative light. It just feels absurd to suggest that, for example, someone like Gallant couldn’t use his power (carefully and thoughtfully and with consent) to heal people with emotional trauma. Superpowers in Worm are only for violence and conflict and crime, and I just don’t understand that. Again, the rogues form a token exception, but we rarely actually see them, and one of the first rogues we meet, Canary, is immediately subject to harsh and unjust punishment and never heard from again.

A misguided focus on only certain types of crime/violence - Worm deals with gang violence, robberies, and general chaos-inducing terrorism. It focuses on crimes perpetuated by working-class individuals and small to medium size illicit groups. There’s some commentary on state-sanctioned violence in terms of the corruption of the Protectorate and Dragon’s worries of having to obey a despot should one take over the government, but it’s not exactly framed in a way that highlights the struggles of the average person; the focus is almost entirely on capes. Worm doesn’t discuss things like wage theft, illegal rent hikes, or, dare I say it, the inherent violence of capitalism, which, while less flashy, are important problems with far-reaching consequences. It’s weird, and honestly kind of unrealistic, that there’s not a single anarcho-communist cape. Whether you agree with that kind of politics or not, it’s still a glaring omission if the setting of the story is trying to emulate real life. Again, Danny Hebert’s role as a union organizer and interest in restoring the ferry and reintegrating the city pay token attention to some of these ideas, but the vast majority of the story is unconcerned with addressing the source of, or solutions to, poverty and crime in Brockton Bay and the wider world of Worm.

So those are my thoughts. There’s a part of me that still thinks, “But so many people like this so much! Maybe it’ll get better!” I have a really strong drive to understand why others like the things that they do, to be able to share in their appreciation. But from what I���ve seen in a couple memes I happened upon, things are getting worse, not better for the world of Worm. And even if things start to resolve at some point, I’m not sure it would be great for my mental health to continue reading up to that point.

The breaking point for me, if you’re curious, was when a main character was just casually revealed to be a serial rapist. That wasn’t even the point of the chapter, it was just kind of thrown out there as an extremely-not-fun fact. So I was still reeling from that reveal while also experiencing all of the atrocities said character was committing in the moment, and after that was when I realized, “Hey, maybe this is not the kind of content I should be reading.” It even took reading a few more chapters into Arc 11 for it to really sink in, but I had this weird revelation of like, I get to choose which fictional worlds I spend my time in, and the world of Worm isn’t one I relish.

If you do enjoy Worm, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on what makes it appealing to you.

[renee-writer]

The Surrogate Chapter 26 The Much Anticipated Dinner Party

She couldn’t stop smiling, thinking her husband’s idea of having a dinner party with their parents means he is starting to forgive her.  Jamie hinds his own smile knowing that, were she to see it, she would know something is up. She mustn’t know that.

 

He had carefully planned it down to the last detail. From the food, all Claire’s favorites. Her morning sickness is better and she is constantly hungry.  He had explained to Geneva that he wanted their parents to see their surrogate has a healthy appetite. “That the baby will be strong and healthy”

 

She was thrilled, of course, thinking that this meant that she would be involved in the baby’s life. Claire understands what he is about. It will make the reveal even more delicious. Fill her with hope then drag her down.

 

“You ready for this?” he asks. He is dressed in a suit and tie. Claire wears her fanciest maternity dress. She fettles with her hair. Jamie comes up and helps her with it, pressing a kiss on her newly exposed neck. A quick intake of breath. “Sorry, it is just hard to resist you.”

 

“You must though. Until this situation with Geneva is finished.”

 

“Aye. We will start that tonight.”

 

“Jamie, will they like me? Your parents?”

 

“Aye, they will adore you.”

 

“James?” he mutters a course.  Claire smiles and gives him a quick kiss.

 

“Just a bit longer.” She whispers. He grins and walks out.

 

The table is set with their best china and crystal. Wine is chilled for all but Claire. Sparkling water chills for her. Beef stew, heavy with vegetables, steams in a heavy pot. Fresh bread and real butter also fill the table.

 

Right at seven, there is a knock on the door. Jamie goes to answer it. “Welcome William and Judith.”

 

“Hello James. We are anxious to meet the lady carrying our grandchild.” Judith replies.  He brings them in where Claire stands.

 

“Judith and William Duscany meet Claire Beauchamp. Claire, Geneva’s parents.”

 

“Very nice to meet you, sir and ma’am.”

 

“Exquisite manners and she is a beauty. It will be easy to pass off the child as Geneva’s.” William comments. “You did well.”

 

Christ, Claire thinks, now I know where she gets it. Jamie moves closer, not touching her but lending her his strength.

 

“Yes, no one will know the baby isn’t mine and James.” Geneva comes up and wraps her arms around his. He has to physically restrain himself from shuddering.

 

 

The doorbell rings again giving him an excuse to move away. He opens to his parents. “Mam and da.”

 

“Son.” He is hugged by both of his parents. “where is she? The angel that is making you a da?” his mam asks.

 

“Claire, meet my parents, Henry and Ellen Fraser. Mam and da, Claire Beauchamp.”

 

Ellen comes up and hugs her close. “I have so looked forward to seeing you.”

 

“Ellen, let me get a look at the lass’.” Brian comes up and exams her.  “Thank you Claire for what you are sacrificing to make Jamie a da.”

 

“And our Geneva a mum.” William adds.

 

“Of course. That too.”

 

“Your welcome.”

 

“Come on. Let’s go eat. We must feed the bairn.”

 

“Aye,” Brian offers Claire his arm and escorts her into the dining room. He pulls out a chair for her and his wife. Jamie does the same for Geneva, due to the presence of the others. He also pulls his mother-in-laws chair out as William had already taken a seat. He shares a look with his da.

 

“Da, would you say grace?”

 

“Aye son.” He meets all eyes until all heads drop. “Lord God, we thank you for gathering ourselves together for this meal. We are thankful for the food, fellowship, and especially for the sacrifice Claire is making and the coming child. Bless us all. Amen.”

 

“Amen.” Echoes around the table.

 

“Well, Claire, tell us about yourself.” Ellen asks as bowls are filled and drinks are poured.

 

“Okay ah, I am an only child, raised by my uncle after the death of my parents. I am a medical student, wishing to be a surgeon.”

 

“Impressive. I am sorry about your parents. How old were you when you lost them?”

 

“Five. Thank you. It was tough but I was blessed with the worlds greatest uncle. He is mum and dad, teacher and therapist. Everything.”

 

“What made you decide to do this?” Brian asks.

 

“In all honesty, the lure of graduating without student debts. I also wanted to help.”

 

“Sensible and respectful. I really like you lass.”

 

“Thank you sir.”

 

“So there will be no problem with you giving up this baby?” Judith inquires. Claire tightens up until she feels Jamie’s knee against hers. It is amazing the power of his touch.

 

“I always planned on finishing school before starting a family.” She hedges for Jamie’s offer to be a fully involved mum is constantly in her mind.

 

“That is smart.” William agrees.

 

“So have you thought of names.” Judith asks her daughter.

 

“William James for a boy.  Willa Geneva for a girl.” She states. Jamie has to still his face. No way in hell.

 

“Quite perfect.”

 

No, Claire thinks. Quinn Ellen or Brian Lambert. She and Jamie had already discussed it. But she focuses on eating to keep her mouth shut.

 

They all focus on eating for a bit if time after that. Claire knows when they finish is when this dinner party will really get interesting and wishes she could have a sip of wine too.

 

Finally

 

 

Jamie stands up after everyone is finished. “There is another reason I wished you all gathered today, besides meeting Claire. I have something to discuss with Geneva and wished you all here as witnesses.” He has everyone’s attention. Geneva maintains her smile but it is strained. Just wait, he thinks. “You see Geneva I know who your lover is and I know what you to have been up to outside f*cking in my office.”

 

“What is this then?” a stunned William yells out.

 

“Aye, seems your daughter has not only been cheating on me but my company also. She is screwing Steven Bonnet and they are both screwing my company. Been stealing trade secrets for the last few years.  Fraser’s Spirits recipes are finding their way to Gloriana.”

 

“That is a lie!” a panicked Geneva tells out.

 

“Really?” He reaches for his tablet and starts playing the recorded sting. The entire table holds their breath to hear. He turns it off when it is clear what she and Bonnet are about to be about. “No reason to have you watch her having sex.”

 

“Jesus Christ Geneva. Our son has offered you everything. To be stealing from him. Cheating on him.” A stunned Ellen confronts her.

 

“A couple of things to make sure everything is clear. I have started the divorce on the grounds of adultery and corporate theft. It will be publicly filed and will follow you where you try to get a job. Right now, the bobbies are gathering evidence from our offices and Mr. Bonnets. You need to get her a good lawyer. This child is mine. Not yours. You will not have a thing to do with it. The divorce will show no issue in the marriage. It’s name will not be William or Willa.  One final thing, I saw your bags packed. You may leave with your parents. Now.”

 

“James, you can’t do this!”

 

“Come Geneva.” Her mum moves her away and towards the front door where they find her suitcases. William follows slowly.

 

After the Duscany’s leave, silence reigns for a moment before Ellen walks over and pulls her son into her arms. “I am proud of you mo mac.” He shudders and releases the emotions he had been holding in.

[dawnwave16]

Not what I expected

I feel like there will only be 2 more chapters at most as another fic is seriously tempting my muse!  Anyway, Enjoy!

first; 10; 11(here); 12

Chapter 11

The look on everyone's faces would have sent shivers down Nekane and Hawkmoth's spines.

The plan on how to expose Nekane was quick to form however it would take a while to actually come to fruition, especially if they wanted to draw Hawkmoth out at the same time. It would also require serious amounts of help from Interpol as Paris was not the BAU's jurisdiction. Cruz had been great in letting them all take off so suddenly but they knew that they couldn't push their luck too much. The IRT had been called away to a case in Belize so they wouldn't be able to assist in any way. Before they left, however, they had introduced Hotch's team and Clyde to Commissaire Clement. They had looked at bringing in Lieutenant Roger Raincomprix but they had decided he was too close to the mayor and that he might talk to the man out of loyalty. They knew he was a good man and that he tried to do the right thing but they just couldn't risk it with so much at stake.

They would execute the plan in two weeks time, as they needed Jagged's help but didn't want to call him away from his honeymoon. This would also give several other famous people that Lila had lied about, time to fly into the country discreetly. In the meantime, Commissaire Clement would bring in the school board as well as the education department to do their own investigation into the goings-on within the school. He believed that things should never have gotten as far as they had.

Clyde, on the other hand, had dispatched Interpol agents to each of the countries that Nekane had been in and start checking the friends and families of the girls that had died. They would also talk to Aisha and her family to make sure that it was Nekane at the core of the issue. They couldn't afford to leave anything to chance after all. His other stop was to the Italian Embassy. He made to sure to speak to the top diplomate and stressed the need for his conversation to remain confidential until the time was right.

They knew that due to the Vienna Convention of 1961 which focused on Diplomatic Relations, they couldn't even question Nekane without the Italian government waiving her immunity. They also knew that this would most likely be the most difficult part of their plan as governments didn't like lifting their diplomates' immunity except as a last resort.

Thankfully that meeting had been a success, Mrs Kelly's boss had had his concerns about her for some time as he couldn't understand the lack of reasons given for each of her requested transfers. With Clyde's information it was agreed that they would launch a covert investigation of their own to corroborate any evidence found on Nekane, but also to prove that Mrs Kelly was covering for her daughter rather than getting her the help she needed. 

Marinette also had her own part to play in everything. She had to record absolutely everything that happened in the next two weeks. She would wear a camera hidden in a broach on her shirt and the only time it wouldn't be active was during any Akuma attacks when she was Ladybug. They knew kwami's didn't show up on camera, and a little bit of editing would make sure any mention of her superhero activities wouldn't show up.

Slowly the celebrities started to arrive, and as each one did the BAU grew more and more amazed by how many of them Marinette had designed for, even more so that they all seemed very willing to take time out from busy their schedules just to help her. Each time one arrived, they would show up at the bakery after Marinette was done with school for the day and would hang out with Mari until they decided to head to where ever they were staying. 

Jack was having fun while this was all happening too because not only was his big sister spending time with him, he got to meet all these famous people too. He knew he wouldn't be able to brag to anyone when he got back to school but it was still fun getting photo's with them. The highlight for him was when he and Hotch arrived slightly early for supper the one evening and Jack ran into his sister's room without warning. She hadn't closed the door so he hadn't thought much of just going in, only to find her kissing a boy that Jack didn't recognise.

“I thought you liked that blond boy,” Jack's confused voice came through the fog that was clouding Marinette's brain thanks to the kiss. “Why are you kissing this guy when you like someone else?”

Marinette's cheeks were scarlet as she and the boy exchanged glances. His cheeks were just as red as hers.

“Adrian and I were never dating Jack, and after his most recent appointment with his therapist, he came to the realisation that while he loves me it is not romantic love. With everything that has been going on these last few months or so, I'd realised the same thing about him.” Marinette's voice was soft as she answered her little brother's question.

“So is this guy your boyfriend?” Jack demanded.

Marinette blushed shyly, “Yes, Jack, he is. But you can't tell anyone yet okay?”

“Oh, okay then. You'd better treat her right or else!” Jack said waggling his finger at the boy who was still holding his sister's hand.

“I'd better go,” the teen said softly to Marinette, “I'll see you when everything goes down?” Marinette nodded rapidly, still smiling. With that, he left and Marinette turned to her little brother.

“I'm guessing Dad is downstairs?”

“Yup!” Jack tugged Marinette's hand as he started to lead the way down. 

By the time the day to take Nekane down arrived they had everything in place. Celebrities from all over the world were waiting for their signal to act. Marinette had video footage of being threatened in the bathroom on two separate occasions. The Italian Embassy had enough evidence to fire and arrest Mrs Kelly for her part in keeping Nekane from flying under the radar, up to and including stopping an investigation in Basque, which should have taken place when Aisha's parents had filed their complaints.

Commissaire Clemont had made sure to have extra camera's put up in secret around the city, with Ladybug and Chat Noir's help to make sure that no one suspected anything. They had done this during their nighttime patrols so it didn't look suspicious. Thankfully there hadn't been many attacks in the meantime, it did, however, put everyone on edge. They knew from past experience that any Akuma attack that came now would be stronger than normal. 

Marinette knew that they were going to need extra help should that Akuma attack happen due to their plan. As a result, she made sure that Luka, Kagami, Marc, Nathaniel, Alix and Aurore all had a miraculous and they were ready to jump in at any second. Despite having been revealed as Viperion she had still given the snake miraculous to Luka, Kagami, on the other hand, had the fox and would use the name Kitsune. She had given Marc the dog miraculous and he had decided to use the name Akira. Despite knowing she would eventually give Alix the rabbit miraculous, she had given her the tiger as she felt it was needed more, as a result, Tigris would be joining the team. Nathaniel had the rooster miraculous and would use the name Oilarrak while Aurore had the Bee and had named herself Honey.

Marinette had the dragon miraculous on as well as her earrings as an added precaution. She was nervous about having so many miraculi out at the same time but knew she wouldn't be able to run for backup if it turned out that it was needed. She had asked Wayzz to protect the miracle box should anything go wrong. She had even brewed a couple of the potions that would strengthen the kwami's and extend their transformation times, each wielder had been given a set as an added precaution.

That's not to say she wasn't nervous, there was a lot of things that could go wrong but they had done their best to plan for almost every situation. For now, though all she could do was have a good night's sleep.

@moonlightstar64; @northernbluetongue; @wargraymon0709; @winter-gardenflower; @bee-wrecker; @starsshineandgivehope; @goggles-mcgee; @vivilakitty

[astrozones]

Sanders Behavioral Health, Chapter 1: Virgil Starts Freaking Out More Than Usual

Trigger warning: mental health stuff. Major mental health stuff. For the whole fic.

Group Therapy AU. Prinxiety and Logicality eventually.

Three hours.

Three goddamn hours of his life dedicated to therapy. Every. Single. Day.

Except weekends. At least he still had his weekends.

When his father had told him of the “amazing” news, Virgil was seriously rethinking going back to his old family.

Coming from an abusive home to a place where others cared about him was jarring, to say the least. Parts of it he adored. Not being punished for coming home a couple minutes late? He couldn’t say he wasn’t grateful. But since his time at his new family’s house, he had been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and a hint of OCD. And when his parents put him in therapy for the first time, he found it dull, but a good escape from his bad thoughts.

But when his therapist suggested Sanders Behavioral Health, he was apprehensive. Even more so when she told him that three hours of his day would be dedicated to working on his anxiety. His social anxiety, mostly. Virgil had stared at her in disgust, why would he ever want to go there? Why would he want to go somewhere that would give him more anxiety, on purpose, rather than stay at home scrolling through YouTube?

He was even more disgusted when his adoptive father had happily agreed to look into it.

Yes, Virgil wanted to get better. God, he wanted to get better so bad, to be away from the thoughts that plagued his mind. That’s what he told himself, at least.

Maybe he didn’t want to get better. Maybe he wanted to stay in his room all day because that was what he was used to. He was content at this stage, and so what if he was destroying his future and the potential for happiness? He was here now and he was content, wasn’t that good enough?

He would never say that to his therapist. If he did, she would tell his dad, who would in turn tell his mom, and they’d worry about him more. If this was the life he had to live, then so be it.

So here he was, in the lobby room of the building he had dreaded coming to since they made the first call to get him into this institute. He hunched over in his hoodie, idly scrolling through his phone, trying to collect his thoughts. What if he made a mistake? What if it turned out he had been faking it this whole time and they got mad? What if he did something embarrassing? Oh, god, what if they hated him? What if-

The lobby door slammed open. Virgil jumped in his seat, his father gently putting a hand on his shoulder. In stepped a boy that looked just about the same age as himself. Oh, for the love of-

“I HAVE REETUUURNED~,” the boy sung, arms spread as wide as he could with a binder in his hands. “No need to fear, your Prince is here!” Virgil pursed his lips.

“Yeah, ‘prince’, my ass.” he mumbled, looking back down at his phone. The boy spluttered indignantly, to Virgil’s confusion. That wasn’t even a good insult, so why was the boy getting mad at him? Oh god, oh shit, I already made an enemy-

“Roman, please just sign in.” The front desk lady said with a small smile. The boy, or rather, Roman, blushed, with an “oh, right” as he did as he was told.

Roman slumped down in a seat, turning to the only other kid in the room.

“So, Mr. Professionalism, I know it’s only my second proper day here, but what’s with the tie? You wear it every day or somethin’?” Roman’s posture remained slouched and easy-going, the opposite to the other, who was indeed wearing a tie. Tie guy’s posture was pristine and collected, his face not revealing any emotion, except a slight glare.

“I do not. I wear a different tie every day. It is unsanitary to wear the same thing every day. And when I sleep, I change into the proper wear. I would also like to point out that it’s pronounced some thing . With a g. Proper pronunciation is important, lest you confuse someone who is not as knowledgeable with our language. And my name, is Logan. Thank you.” Logan, apparently, finished his monologue with hardly a change in expression. Both Virgil and Roman looked a bit disoriented.

“Allllrighty,” Roman started, ignoring Logan’s hiss of “it’s pronounced al right ”, “Welp, glad to see I’m not the only one who’s early! Don’t you think the weather is great today? So sunny!”

“I do not wish to engage in small talk.” Logan said, returning to his book. Roman blinked at this, his head darting back a bit. He quickly returned to his confident persona and turned to Virgil.

Oh no , was his only thought before he was forced into conversation.

“SOO, Emostein, what’s your opinion on the weather? Since Necktie over there refuses to be nice, that is.” Roman said with a flourish of his hand.

What was he supposed to say? That he never went outside enough to appreciate the weather? That he would rather not say anything? That this whole thing was pushing him to the verge of a panic attack?

So, instead, he murmured, “Emostein?”. Goddamn it, that was dumb-

“Why yes! Like Frankenstein, but judging by your apparel, I had assumed you were emo and listen to My Chemical Romance all day. Am I wrong in this?”

Virgil shoved his head in his hands, blushing from embarrassment. “Ugh, no, you’re not. You don’t need to point it out, though…” He grumbled. God, he hated social situations. Even if it distracted him from the anxiety surrounding this new therapy group.

Whether he had bad luck, or the fates hated him, he couldn’t decide as the door to the rest of the building opened in perfect irony.

“Virgil?” The woman called with a smile. He hugged his few items closer to him as he stood up, making his way through the entrance. He glanced back at the lobby, where yet another kid was entering.

Then, the door was closed.

--

The woman introduced herself as Rebecca, or Becca for short. She led him on a quick tour of the building before the others were scheduled to come in, something he was grateful for. The place was smaller than he expected. She led him through the cafeteria (a cafeteria? what?), the doors of a couple staff, the bathroom, the check-up room, and the individual rooms. The individual rooms, as she explained, were for when you needed to focus on an ‘exposure’ and couldn’t handle distractions from other people.

Virgil quickly decided he liked these rooms.

Becca let him choose a room, and had him write his name on the whiteboard in front of it. As he did, he heard the entrance door open and a loud voice groan out, “UGHH, but I don’t wanna go in yet!”. Uh oh, people alert! He quickly slipped into the room, Becca joining him soon after.

“While you’re in this program,” she started. “you will be doing exposures, which means you’ll be directly facing the anxiety. It’ll be tough, but the goal is, when you get out of the program, you’re more used to these situations, and when you encounter them, you don’t freak out as much.” At that, she smiled, as if she hadn’t just diminished his already depressed mood.

“Does that sound good?” Becca continued, tilting her head to the side. Virgil stared at her as if she just told him the Sun was purple (not that he would mind that… purple was a very nice color.).

“Not really,” came his reply. “sounds terrible.”

Becca’s smile became just a little more stressed.

“I get your point, but I disagree. See, here and now, you’re not okay. Do you agree?” she stated flatly, and at his small nod, continued, “It’s because you’ve been in this slump for too long. It’s ruining your mood, and unless you do something about it, it’ll just get worse. If you want to get better, you have to do something about it.”

Virgil sighed. Yes, he understood, but he had the right to dislike this.

Becca explained a few more things about the program before handing him a small stack of papers and leaving him to mull over in his silent suffering.

He doodled in between the questions he had just answered as he waited for Becca to come back. Just the classic questions, ‘What do you want to work on while here at Sanders?’, ‘How would you describe your average mood?’, ‘What is (or are) your diagnosis?’, etc.. He glanced at the clock. 5 minutes. He tapped his foot. Fiddled with his hoodie strings. Kicked at the wall. 10 minutes. Hm.

Sanders Behavioral Health had a rule against phones being in the building, for privacy reasons… but, taking a glance around, he couldn’t see any cameras. And he had snuck his phone in by slipping it into his boots when no one was looking. Then there was the fact that no one was in the room with him…

Whipping out his phone, he quickly found a position where his phone was hidden enough that the average passerby wouldn’t notice and opened it up. What to do, what to do…

He scrolled through Tumblr, and responded to a few messages on Discord. He was in the middle of typing one out when there was a knock on the door.

Jumping, Virgil quickly turned to the door while desperately trying to hide his phone. He couldn’t fit in past his shoe in time, could he hide it in his hoodie so the visitor wouldn’t see it? Think fast befo-

The door opened, a stranger walking in. The stranger smiled.

“Hello! I’m Nurse Vicki. You’re Virgil, right? I need you for just a moment so we can do checkups, if you’ll come with me!” Vicki grinned, holding the door open wider. Virgil slid the phone into his hoodie pocket. There was a chance of it being noticed, but it would have to do.

When brought into the nurse’s office, she sat him down and started asking questions.

Are you suicidal? Yes.

Are you going to school regularly? No.

Are you eating healthy? Probably not.

And on, and on, and on, until finally, she took him to track his weight and vitals, and escorted him back to his room. Still no Becca.

The second Nurse Vicki left, Virgil quickly took his phone out and situated it where it wasn’t easily visible in his boot. Yes, it did rub against his foot painfully, but that was just the price he’d have to pay. Without his phone, he felt even more anxious. He knew it was stupid, but what if he got a call? What if he got hurt? What if someone else got hurt? Virgil needed the phone, and if that included sacrificing his comfort, he would do it.

Now, what was he supposed to do? 20 minutes had passed. He studied the vandalism done in pencil on the wall, but that quickly got boring.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

He drummed his fingers on the table.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

He thought about what he was going to do tomorrow- wait, no, that gave him more anxiety.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Sighing, he leaned back and studied the ceiling. Maybe he could fall asleep here. Or maybe he’d just get in trouble for that.

After what seemed like ages, Becca returned. Gathering up the papers, she led him outside the room.

“We aren’t going to start anything today, but I’ll show you the timers and computers. Here’s the check in sheet for them,” she motioned to the top of the computer cart, a basket with multiple stopwatches in it next to the sheets. “and the top row of computers are assessment computers, while the bottom are normal computers. Today, you’ll be getting an assessment computer.”

Stepping aside, she let him check out a computer. As he was writing down his name, another person came in from a second hallway. The loud boy from before- Roman?- glanced in their direction before doing a double take. Cringing slightly, Virgil prepared for Roman to burst out with a loud “hello!”.

Only Roman did nothing of the sort. Once Becca greeted him, he motioned awkwardly to the timer in his hands before walking down the hallway and turning into a staff’s room.

O ...kay?

He may not have known Roman for long, but that seemed entirely uncharacteristic. Pursing his lips, he finished filling out the sheet as Becca and him walked back. Well, almost. Becca stopped in her office for a split second before returning with a binder and a dazzling smile. Virgil sunk into his jacket with a ‘dazzling’ scowl.

Back inside the room, Becca gave him the binder and led him through all that it entailed, before signing him into the assessment computer. And once more, Becca left him to fill out the assessments alone.

Which was fantastic.

Another round of repetitive questions he’d answered a thousand times before-

In the past 7 days how often have you not able to stop feeling sad? Often.

--felt alone? Always.

--feel everything in your life went wrong? Always.

--feel like you can’t do anything right? Often.

--it was hard for you to have fun? Always.

He supposed a lot of this came from his past family. And, geez, these were not nice memories to go through. But being pushed around and starved for days on end was bound to take a toll on you, and it sure as hell did in the case of Virgil. It was part of the reason he wore hoodies all the time, to hide the- the- oh god he was not ready to think about this right now.

Shaking his head, Virgil returned to the questions, feeling worse than he had. He felt a tear trying to surface and quickly closed his eyes. Not here , he thought. Not now, I can’t. They’ll make fun of me for it.

And yeah, maybe it was illogical to worry about being made fun of for crying in a literal therapy building, but maybe Virgil wasn’t thinking quite right at that point. Maybe he wasn’t thinking quite right often.

Or maybe he was just stupid.

--

The last time Becca returned to his individual room was to bring him out to the cafeteria for something called ‘recreational therapy’ which included doing “fun things” with the other patients.

Great.

After putting away his computer, he was instructed to leave his new binder in the cafeteria and to bring a pen or pencil with him.

He didn’t have either and had to ask someone else for it. Oh, god…

Dodging around the others in the cafeteria, he made his way back to Becca and quietly asked for a pen, and, to his disappointment, didn’t get one. He turned around to face the 3 other patients, forced to consider the options as to who might have a goddamn pen.

The others were all the people he had seen in the waiting room earlier. Only one of them he hadn’t really gotten to know, which was the boy in light blue. He was talking to the loud one, ugh, what was his name again… Roman! Yes, he was talking to Roman. Listening in on their conversation he found that they were talking about�� dogs? Well, Light Blue was nearly screaming about dogs while Roman was looking a little bewildered at just how loud this boy was about dogs. Which only left Tie Guy, Logan, to ask. If he didn’t have one, Virgil would have to walk out and ask a staff, so asking the scary one it was.

Glancing towards his binder, Virgil saw that he had 3 pens next to it, black, red, and blue. Bingo!

“Hey uh,” he started once he reached Logan. “Um, can I… uh, sorry, can I borrow a pen? Please?”

Logan’s gaze jerked towards Virgil, then back to his pens. “No,” he stated bluntly. “I only have one black pen. As you can see. ”

“But… I could just… use the red or blue one? I don’t really care that much about colors…” Virgil, to say the least, was hella confused. What was this kid’s deal? First the whole tie thing, now Virgil wasn’t able to use one of his three pens? There was no need to be so rude.

“No, you can’t. Red is for spelling errors and blue is for grammar errors. Everyone knows that. You cannot just use a red or blue pen for normal writing!” Logan nearly growled out. Virgil took a few steps back, was it okay for him to be around this guy?! Was he safe?

He felt a tap on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his skin. Whipping around, he was faced with Light Blue holding a pen. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Heyo! I’m Patton,” Light Blue said. “I couldn’t help but hear your conversation, so sorry for interrupting, but I have a free pen you could use instead! It’s no big deal to me!” Patton’s smile was nearly blinding as he held the pen out. Grabbing the pen, Virgil felt a little… unnerved. Maybe it was just the anxiety talking, but this guy seemed way too nice to be here. Maybe he was just about to leave the program?

“Uh, thanks.” Was the only thing he said in response before retreating to the corner of the room. He could see Becca hovering around the computer before telling them she would be back in a second.

Well ain’t that just fucking great .

“Ooh, scandalous~!” Roman yelled as Becca went to leave the room. “Leaving a bunch of teens unsupervised? Didn’t take ya for the type.” Virgil looked at him. If he remembered correctly, Roman had said this was his second day. So, why was he so… extroverted? He, along with Patton, didn’t really feel like they belonged in this group. Patton seemed too bright and happy, and Roman seemed too loud and confident.

“You is not pronounced ‘ya’.” Logan huffed. Roman turned to him looking a bit confused.

“It’s… not that different, though?”

“Every little thing matters, Roman. I’ve explained this to you before, so why do you continue to lack the capacity to understand it?” Roman spluttered at this, the insult obviously getting to him.

“I was just telling you my opinion, and you don’t need to… insult me over it! Believe it or not, I don’t like being called stupid!” Roman spat out.

Uh oh.

“I did not call you stupid. It seems as if you came to that conclusion yourself, yet I will not deny it.”

“ You implied it you-”

Before Roman could finish, Becca, in all her glory, opened the door and invited them to follow her. Well, maybe invited wasn’t the correct term, but Virgil was well on his way to a massive anxiety attack and couldn’t give a shit.

Once Becca had led them outside and had them all introduce themselves, she gave them a simple two-sided sheet of paper.

“Today, we’re going to be doing a people scavenger hunt! On the paper, there’s a bunch of questions, and it’s your job to find someone who fits the criteria! Once you do, they should sign your paper. Try not to use the same person for most of the questions! Sounds great, don’t you agree?”

“Yay.” Virgil muttered unenthusiastically, curling into his hoodie when both Roman and Patton turned to him.

“Miss Becca, there are four of us. Statistically speaking, it is unlikely for us to be able to fill out the entirety of this sheet, especially with questions like the 13th, which says ‘Someone who has red hair.’ As you can see, none of us have red hair. I must recommend that you reprint this paper with questions we can properly answer.” Logan attempted to smooth down his hair in the wind as he spoke, his paper resting on a clipboard, because of course Logan had prepared himself with a clipboard while the rest of them had to combat the wind attempting to blow their papers away.

“It’s okay, Logan,” Becca smiled sweetly. “You don’t need to answer all the questions before we go back in.”

“Yes I do, or the assignment is incomplete!”

Smile dropping, Becca motioned for the others to start as she turned to talk to Logan. And with that, Virgil was forced to communicate with the last two.

Already, Patton and Roman seemed to be chatting, which left Virgil to awkwardly stand by while they filled the paper out. Virgil could feel his breathing quickening, why did Logan have to be picky? He could be talking to him, which would be better than just standing here with nothing to do!

Roman turned to him once he had gotten the paper signed, smiling slightly at him before skimming his eyes through the paper. Wait, he took it back, he wasn’t ready to talk yet oh no-

“Do youuu….. Like mint ice cream?” Roman asked, looking up from his paper with a smile. Silently, Virgil nodded. After signing the paper Roman gave to him, Roman stayed, looking expectantly at him. What? Oh! He’s expecting a question quick choose one!!!

Looking at his own paper, Virgil chose the first question his eyes landed on.

“Do you, um. Do you speak another language?” He stuttered out. Roman brightened.

“¡Sí! Hablo español.” Roman was bouncing on his heels, grinning impossibly larger. At Virgil’s dubious stare, he seemed to deflate, a small blush growing on his cheeks. “Sorry, uh, yes, I speak Spanish.”

As Virgil handed him the paper, he had more time to stand awkwardly. Roman had hoisted his leg up and was now balancing precariously on one leg while writing against the other one. His tongue poked out from between his teeth as he tried to not fall over.

Roman had green eyes. While Virgil didn’t usually make eye contact, he couldn’t help but notice while this kid was right in front of him . Virgil had always adored green eyes in people, they may be more rare but they were so pretty and-

Roman glanced up at him, and Virgil quickly flushed. “Do you want me to fill out the green eyes question, too? I’m pretty sure I’m the only one of us who has green eyes, so… y’know… while I’m here, might as well, yea?”

All Roman saw was Virgil’s small nod, which Virgil was grateful for as his mind was screaming at the current moment.

Is this guy psychic what the hell how’d he know EXACTLY what I was thinking??? What???? No, Virge, calm down, he can’t be psychic- BUT WHAT IF HE IS????

Once Virgil got his paper back, he turned once more and was suddenly face-to-face with Patton’s smile.

“Heya kiddo! Have you been on a boat ride?” At Virgil’s shake of his head, he continued. “Hm, okay, have you been to a park in the past few months?

On and on the activity went. Surprisingly, Virgil quickly found himself actually enjoying the activity. Roman and Patton were easy to talk to, if slightly disorienting to the extreme introvert.

Unfortunately, the universe seemed to hate him, because after about 10 questions with the others, Logan stormed back into the building, leaving Becca alone. Becca sighed.

“Sorry guys, but I legally can’t leave him or you without a guardian, so if you could follow me please we will go back inside.”

Back inside, Becca took them to the cafeteria, where Logan already was, meticulously rearranging his binder. When Becca approached him, he hissed out, “I will NOT be doing an assignment where I am forced to fail.”

The three looked at each other, Patton seeming to be the only one who knew what was happening. He gave them a sad smile.

“Logan came here before me, but he told me he has extreme OCD. Basically, he gets anxiety when things don’t go the way his mind tells him they have to.” Patton whispered to them. “I think he has a sort of… fear of failing, so he gets the bad feelings when he can’t finish an assignment. Well, more bad feelings than the average person.”

That made sense, Virgil supposed. While he was told he had a bit of OCD, he wasn’t exactly briefed on all the ins and outs, only diagnosed with it. So he had no definitive answer as to what exactly it was, but from what he had heard, that seemed to fit with the behavior Logan was showing.

A couple minutes passed, Virgil tapping his foot aimlessly. He stared at the ground as Logan continued to bicker, and as Becca desperately tried to calm him down. Eventually, Roman spoke up and told Becca that it was check-out time, which apparently entailed them filling out a sheet of paper before they were able to leave.

Thankfully, Becca told Virgil that he didn’t have to fill a check-out sheet today, which left him awkwardly tapping his pen against the table. He noticed Roman doodling in a blank space on the paper, mouthing the lyrics to a song Virgil couldn’t decipher. Patton was watching the clock after he had finished, which left Logan to be the only one still filling out the sheet.

Once they were finally blessed with the absence of silence in the form of Becca loudly exclaiming that they could start sharing aloud and dear God would Virgil have to do that tomorrow? They were finally allowed to leave.

After signing out and riding the elevator down, with all the other patients and their parents in the cramped space, they finally exited the building.

“So, what’d you think?” His dad asked as they walked to the car. Virgil simply shrugged in response.

And maybe, Virgil enjoyed it a little bit, just a little bit. But he wasn’t going to admit it after he claimed so adamantly that he would hate it the days prior.

The ride home was spent with Virgil telling his online friends what had happened in therapy that day, a task that would quickly become routine in his days at Sanders.

And maybe, just maybe, he was feeling a little bit better at returning the next day.

Maybe.

[critic-corner]

‘Made In Heaven’ Style: Something Old, Something New

Get ready, y’all because in this episode, you will get splashed with a multitude of green hues. Mind you, every character is wearing some version of it too; but then again, these kinds of episodes are what makes analyzing costume design so damn fun. Another thing you can do to make it fun is take a shot whenever you read the word ‘green’. I literally cannot stop laughing at the image of how you will look like by the time you reach the end.

Our first scene is basically Tara and Adil in the clothes we left them in. Tara is in a gray top that, as previously discussed, spoke of her unsettled mind space, but here it also matched Karan’s t-shirt, bringing the two friends together in this terrible situation. Meanwhile, Adil, who used his connections to help Karan, is seen in a green t-shirt - a color that resonates with alleviating sadness which is what he is doing here. Note that the entire scene is swimming in shades of green, surrounded by men in green, all of whom hold various positions of power with our two leads standing out in gray - depending on others.

The gray is continued onto Faiza who is in her own little gray area of her life - depressed and utterly confused. Some of the most interesting Faiza scenes in the show are with her therapist. Because for me, my reactions to her actions were always represented in her therapist. In this scene, both of them are pretty much on the same ground, but the counselor’s loose - matronly - ensemble gives her a guider’s appearance.

Meanwhile, we find Jazz coming to the Made In Heaven office to meet Tara or Karan in her signature trendy, albeit tacky, ensemble. Green is a color with a multitude of meanings so this episode is a great example of using one color to talk about every character’s journey. One side of green is that it denotes a strong sense of good judgment. Seeing both sides of the equation and then making appropriate decisions, which Jazz here is trying to do.

When reading about the color green, I literally came across, ‘the good parent’. It certainly sits well with the bride-groom’s parents when we first meet them. Even the production design - sofa, curtains and plant on the side - echoes that sentiment. One can even tell the class difference between the two couple just by the clothing choice. Gitanjali’s father is in a simple shirt-pant combo and her mom is a traditional saree which perfectly contrasted with her fiance’s parents - mom in a kurta and dad in a simple suit. 

Mainstream Indian thinking expects the bride side of the family to make most of the sacrifices while allowing the groom side to be as entitled as possible. So here, when it’s revealed that Gitanjali is mangalik and would have to marry a tree to get rid of the bad luck, her parents are visibly unhappy about it. The societal entitlement that has been given to Gitanjali’s future in-laws makes them demand the ‘get married to a tree’ thing without any hesitation. They (especially the mom) are in military green, with outfits starkly resembling a Police uniform. While, Gitanjali is wearing a combination of her parents’ and (future) in-laws’ clothes. Agreeing by putting on a coat of green over a gray that resonates with her parents.

Meanwhile, Tara continues to stand as Karan’s emotional support in a strong green dress. Even the lawyer is in a striped ‘do the right thing’ green saree that is patterned enough to tell us about her moral values but simple enough to suit her profession.

In a flashback, and subsequent scene, we get another example of a parental figure in green - Karan’s mom - who we find out, physically abused Karan when she came to know that he was gay, and continues to stand her ground years later when he confronts her about it. For her, green again stands for being a good parent because from her point of view, she genuinely thought she was doing the right thing; but that fact is overpowered by the negative aspects of the shade - her lack of regard towards her son’s feelings.

In the scene where Adil and Faiza meet up at her house, she refutes him and tell him to leave. Adil is wearing a darker shade of green, which is demanding attention from her while Faiza's lighter shade indicates to her lack of enthusiasm at the idea.

Simultaneously, both Adil and Faiza’s color story are indicated in the production design of this shot - the cushion she is lying upon and the side throw - as we get yet another flashback of the time when Faiza defended Tara in front of Adil’s friends .

When Faiza plays out her meeting with Adil to her therapist later on, we find her in a neutral, almost pure-like, ensemble which contrasts with the therapist’s dark shades which come across as authoritative, as she repeatedly reminds her that she did the right thing.

Throughout the show, we are regularly shown that Karan has some serious financial issues so when he and Tara finally tackle it by selling 10% of the company to Jauhari, all of them are again - in green, a color that famously stands for money.

And as Shibani signs on with Harmony, for her, green becomes an indication of new beginnings. Meanwhile, Mani is seen once again in a busy print even if the color story is neutral, as she gets her rival company’s (arguably) best employee.

Jazz eventually restores herself (another quality of green) as Karan, also in green, decides to give her a second chance.

For Tara though, the last look of the episode featured khaki colored trousers and a striped shirt tucked inside denoting to the fact of how non-gray she feels about Faiza. Telling her in a straight-forward way (by destroying her house) that she pretty much hates her. As opposed to Faiza who has been feeling kind of uncertain about their relationship until now (even hoping to be forgiven).

Pictures - Amazon Prime/Critic Corner

[nhlhoser]

On The Rocks - 26

Part 25  Masterlist

3816 WC

Swearing and emotions

Getting out of bed was easier yet still hard with my lack of energy and still sore body.

Deciding to yield Noahs instructions to get out of the room and try to get breakfast, I head to the bathroom to shower first and wash some of this sick off my skin and get a fresh start but also tame my horribly gross hair.

Gingerly I heave myself off the bed on shaky legs and sore muscles.

My legs don't give out on me but it's a damn near thing when my bare feet are shocked by the change from carpet to cold tile. My movements are stiff as I maneuver around the bathroom, arranging the towels to be easy to grab when I come out and one on the floor so I don't create a puddle.

Stepping into the shower the hot water is almost too hot but feels amazing on my skin and my tight muscles. Stretching my arms above my head a series of pops rattle down my spine and through my shoulders, releasing tension as the hot water works on melting the rest.

Working on my hair is rough with my lack of mobility but I eventually am able to free the knots from my gross hair with the products I recognize from the shower I had at Austons over the weekend. He must have snuck them in here before he accidentally woke me up.

Standing under the water for a couple moments longer, I don't want to get out yet because as much as I want to believe that I am relaxed right now, I know I am not as the weight of the water hitting my shoulders, chest, and face is heavier than it is in reality.

My ever-present anxiety is growing larger than it's been in a long time as I usually have a better handle on it but the energy I am executing just by being sick- makes it impossible to ignore the nagging pain in my chest that could only be explained by my anxiety and illness.

My energy level makes me just want to lay in bed for the rest of the forsee-able future and avoid life all together but I can' exactly do that right now being that : I am not even in my own country, I'm ill and have to leave my room for it to be cleaned but also I have to get on another plane in the next day or two too go home and maybe then I will be able to wallow in my own self-pity and get my emotion in order.

I have to get myself under control before I lose it again but HOW? I could call my brother or maybe my dad but that would stir even more stress and drama as my dad would hope on the next flight and throttle the entire Leafs management staff and probably anyone that may try and stop him.

Even then I don't usually involve anyone in my own problems I kinda just deal with them or accept that they are there but right now it's too prominent to ignore. Maybe, I should involve someone that is already aware of some of what is going on?

Noah? He'll probably think of the medical aspect rather than the emotional side and may not understand.

Any of the guys are just out of question because of playoffs and thats just a lot on their plate already plus they barely know me.

You've started to let Auston in already.......

A small voice whispers temptingly more aware than I am.

But he has hockey to worry about I reason with my own inner thought.

yes, but he there's already something he wants to say, we don't have to really say much. What he wants to talk about could ease us enough to get us back to Toronto. If not we have Ricky who we could rant to because he cares you know. We need to let someone in before we break.

Whatever part of my brain this is, it is really sad.

I'm your heart, you need to listen to me more.

Maybe.

Shutting off the water I stand in the tub a moment longer staring at my hands still holding onto the tap. Purple and yellow bruising from boxing the day before last and the scars from the years gone by resembling how my heart might look if ripped from my chest- something I'm scared someone might just actually do if I let them in.

Stepping out it's much easier to move and faster thankfully because the air is cold against my damp skin as I wrap a towel around my middle and twist my hair into another. Catching myself in the mirror I definitely look as sick as I feel, my complexion pale but my cheeks flushed slightly pink from the fever and my eyes slightly sunken with dark bags beneath them.

Sliding into a pair of my new leggings and Austons shirt, I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling again, my energy almost spent just from the shower. My mind still overworked by the panic attack earlier with Noah, the urge to scream wrapped around my neck like a cord again but this time producing fat tears and a gasp for breath that pulled on my sore diaphragm as more tears leak from eyes and down to my ears. (A/N: if you've ever cried well laying on your back this is a chilling experience)

The memory is nothing new but it hasn't been brought up in a long time and it still scares me just as much the first time when I thought it was just some nightmare my brain had conjured up due to trauma but when I told my dad about it he sorrowfully correct that even though I don't even to this day understand it completely it was something that did happen.

The memory is the last of my mother but also it was the last of a couple month period after my 16th birthday due to an injury that I have no memory or details of. With the help of the little family I had around me and a patient-therapist I was about to mend a life for myself

A swift knock on the door startles me from my trance and back into reality, still staring at the ceiling now dry-eyed.

"Who is it?" My voice sounded hoarse with the edge of being broken on the inside.

"Auston," came barely audible through the door. "Can I come in?" followed only this time a little bit louder..

"Do you still have a key?" I move to be sitting on the edge of the bed, my face in my faces as I work on wiping away the tears with my palms.

"Uhm..Yeah?" He sounded almost sheepish

"Come in," My voice still hoarse and ragged. My heart rate spikes as the sound of Auston unlocking the door registered in my brain that someone is going to see me like this.

In a last stitch effort for whatever composure I can must I run my hands through my damp hair, dragging the strands from my face with a deep breath as the door opens revealing Auston- a loaded shopping bag in hand.

"Gatorade and- you're up?" Auston's step stuttered a little bit as his eyes landed on my freshly showered hair instead of the mess he last saw.

"Up is a bit of an over-exaggeration," I mumbled laying back down in a huff, watching Auston continue into the room a small frown on his lips.

"How are you? Now?" Setting the bag on the floor Auston sits and lays on the bed parallel to me and turns his head to face me.

"Honestly?" My voice cracks under the emotion I've pent up as I turn my face to look him the eye, they're soft and full of concern.

"Fucking shit," a sarcastic laugh follows my brief confession with a small tear falling down my cheek before I could wipe it away Auston's rough thumb swipes it away for me and continues to my right cheek with his left hand tenderly.

The sheer tenderness of the moment and the level of vulnerability oozing from both of us causes a rough sob to wrack through my chest, my eyes squeezing closed in an attempt to hold back the floodgates a little bit longer.

This prompts something in Auston to move from just holding my face to wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest, holding me with a strong yet soft force. His hand starts to work through my hair slowly in a calming manner trying to soothe me, as a painful hiccup jars my extremely sore diaphragm.

Whimpering at the pain Auston pulls me in tighter and continues to run his hands through my hair and over the pulse on my neck to cradle my head his large hand as he pulls back to examine my face. Opening my eyes I am met with his searching eyes as they scan over my face, his eyebrows draw in creating a crease to form on his forehead.

"From being sick?" Auston's tone suggested that he knew that it might be more than just the flu I've been dealing with causing my meltdown.

"No," I sniffled.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not yet,"

"Okay. I'll wait," Auston pulled me in so my ear rested on his chest again.

The sound of his heartbeat lulling me back in peace and almost sleep if the fact I need to get out of the room for a bit popped back in my head and that Auston started to speak.

"I'm sorry for withdrawing before leaving.It's just the playoff's made me feel a new level of nervous that scared the absolute shit out of me. I needed to get my mind in order and that caused some casualties on the way," His voice vibrated through his chest as he laughs nervously. "You know who shined the light in my eyes?" he added.

"Mitch?"

"Well, he definitely was part of it but I was talking to mom after you left that night and I might have been ignoring her also and she was not having it and she tore me a couple news one but when she calmed down she asked me about you,"

"Me?" I pull up surprised that Ema Matthews even knew i existed. "why?"

"You made that dinner that I could heat up and have them over instead of going out - which totally shocked them- but anyways she knew it wasn't me that made the food and it couldn't have been ordered because it was made in the dishes she bought for me-"

"She also knows you can't cook for shit," I added interrupting him.

"Rude but I told her about how you had agreed to make me hot dinners and when she called to rip me a new and was civil again she asked what I had to eat and when I told her I just had dinner you made for me- she told me to thank you for her and I realized I didn't even thank you," The volume of Auston's voice drops through the story as he starts to sound awkward and sheepish.

"Then Mitch text me saying 'Fix it' with zero contexts but followed up with the information you just got home and were withdrawn," Auston kind of nervous laughing now,

"So, this is me fixing it. I really didn't mean to be a dick,"

"It's okay Auston but let's go down a get breakfast and hope Noah doesn't catch you in here and scold you because you might catch this," I reminded the boy with a fake sternness in my voice.

"You never told me to leave," Auston whispered in my hair sounding sleepy.

"I know," I signed relaxing into his arms even further as the sound of his heartbeat and soft breathing started to coax my eyes into closing. Breathing in the scent of detergent, cologne and generally, the smell didn't help either.

"Auston," I whispered earning a soft groan to rumble in his chest. "Let's goooo" I whined as I dragged my body off of his regretfully and standing in front of his legs still dangling off the bed. I press my knees to his and push with some force.

"Aus, Come one," I grab his wrists I tug and he finally opens his eyes and sits up staring up at me with a look in his eyes I can't place but it feels meaningful. Slowly he circles his arms around me again and presses the palm of his hands into my back pulling me into an embrace so his face is nestled against my collarbone and neck sort of.

My breath hitches slightly as a knot tyes in the back of my throat at the sudden rush of emotions from being held so tenderly. A small gasp escapes me as Auston's arms tighten as if he can sense the sudden rush of my emotions.

He probably heard the spike in my heart rate from where his ear is resting.

Returning the embrace my arms rest on his shoulders and my hands going into his hair as I held his head against me, resting my forehead on the top of his hair like he had done earlier.

Pulling his head back slightly my hands drifted to rest on the nape of his neck and slightly under his jaw as his eyes hold mine in what feels like a loaded moment to only have it interrupted by a knock on the door of my room.

"Who is it?" I instinctively put my hand over Auston's mouth even though he hasn't made a sound.

"It's Noah," My eyes widen slightly then glared into Austons "I didn't see downstairs and wanted to make sure you were alright,"

"I'm fine. I just got of the shower, I just need to get dressed and I'll be down," Implying that I'm naked got a rise out of Auston as his shoulders shook slightly and he raised a questioning brow at me.

"Oh-Okay see you down there then," Noah soundly sheepish as his footsteps could be heard walking away from the door and down the hall.

Pulling my hand away from Auston's grinning mouth he shakes his head at me with the same brow raised.

"You have to go down first because we can't show up at the same time," I said as I stepped back giving the still grinning Auston Room to stand to his full height.

"What?" I questioned when he just kept giving me that look as I grabbed my sweater and pulled it over Auston's long sleeve to stop the chill on my skin.

"He totally just thought of you naked," I pulled the rest of the hoodie over my head quickly as I stared at Auston wide-eyed.

"He did not," stuffing my keycard and phone in my pockets I grab a Gatorade and wait for Auston at the door. "Come on breakfast," I signaled Auston through the door.

"I'm a guy I know for a fact that he did," He commented passing into the hall before me with a smug smirk. "Because I know I would of," He stated just as smug.

"Go eat," I waved him off as my feverish face turns even redder. Auston walks away laughing, I close the door again and rest my heated face against the cool surface to get composure back.

"He's the worst," I groan into the door with mild bitch fit before I school my breathing and feature to calm and collect before re-opening the door and leaving the room stuffing the Gatorade in my hoodie pocket.

Walking into the slightly crowded restaurant despite the fact food service just started, the scent of food assaults my senses and instantly causes a split reaction in my stomach; Hunger and nausea. A shiver runs down my spine as I fight the urge to gag and end up coughing instead.

Shaking it off, I walk towards the food with a grimace as the smell gets stronger making me breathe through my mouth rather than my nose to stop the smell from connecting to my sore stomach. I view the different foods in awe and sadness as they all look so delicious but I can't stomach much or any of it yet.

Drifting passed all the warm yummy foods, I end up grabbing a banana, plain toast, and a mint tea.

The other food just too harsh for my recovering stomach and throat.

"Amelia," the ginger goalie appeared to my left quietly. "How are you? Auston practically describes that you were dead," Freddie gently threw an arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm soothingly with a teasing smile on his face. Cleary seeing that I am not dead

"I feel like it thats for sure," The rasp in my voice visibly hits Freddie's ears as he winced and chirped that I sounded like it too, his arms still around me as he guilds me to the same table as yesterday where Auston is residing with plate a of half eaten food and a mug of what I'd guess to be coffee.

Settling in the same seat as yesterday, I arrange to face the boys with my back against the wall taking my Gatorade out of pocket and cracking the deal and taking a test sip of the sweet drink. My stomach doesn't react prompting another but still small sip, the cool fluid providing relief for my sore throat.

Setting the bottle on the table with a sigh both of the hockey players are staring with pitiful eyes and a grimace, Sticking my tongue out at them they look away with small smirks and continue to eat.

The banana goes down without resistance as does a little bit of tea but my stomach starts to have a fit when I go to pick up the toast. The smells stopped bothering my stomach so didn't try and push what little comfort I achieve as I sip my tea absorbed in whatever conversation is happening around me.

Couple more bodies had joined us with plates overflowing with nutrient foods and some chirps about me not being in as bad of a state as Auston had described to which Auston would defend if they'd been there and I saying that I sure as hell still felt like death.

My body was still remarkably sore especially my diaphragm that is putting a damper on my breathing because it hurts. My body shifts between hot and cold about six times in a minute that doesn't go unnoticed when my cheeks get really red then I start shivering.

Matt was watching me from the end of the table with worried eyes but I waved him off which brought the curious eyes of Mitch and Wiliam as my cheeks started to flare again then to cuddle into my layers.

The conversation was steady and light currently on the subject of Auston's ripped jeans and shoe collection being bigger than some of their girlfriends but Auston just rolls his eyes at them.

Resting the back of my head against the wall, my eyes start to droop with the need to sleep again and the comfortable feel of safety the guys surrounding me provide with their slightly intimidating size even Mitch.

"Noah hooked her up to banana bag and saline last night," Austons voice was soft as he whispered to the table. "She was puking all night," There was a deep layer of concern in his voice.

"Poor girl, Shouldn't she be in bed?" Matt's mature side coming out as he joined the whispering and some sounds of approval with i'd guess nodding along.

"Noah advised for her to get out of the room so the cleaning service could come through and for her to try to get some food or fluid," Auston's sparknote version of what I told him earlier. The conversation lulled as only typing on phone could be heard.

"It says here, Banana, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast are the most recommend things for someone with the flu to eat," Mitch recited smartly.

"I think she already knew that," William whispered.

"I did," I added not opening my eyes and getting comfortable in my little corner and preparing to actually sleep this time. "At least wait for me to actually fall asleep before you start talking about me, " A tired smile pulled lamely at the edges of my lips as I pull the hood up over my head and ended over my eyes.

I do actually end up falling asleep this time with my head resting against the wall, legs stretched out in front of me knocking someone's ankles, and the neck of the sweater pulled over my nose.

That lasted until Freddie tapped me on my shoulder saying they had to go get their act together for the morning skate. I sleepily nodded and followed behind the group of athletes with my Gatorade into the elevator.

If i could i would have tossed my body into the freshly made bed but I carefully crawled under the covers and cuddled up into dreamland for some more precious sleep.

Noah comes back around to check on me around 1 pm checking temperature, breath sounds, lymphoid and throat. My temperature was high but coming down and he only made a small face well inspecting my throat with his pen light.

"Well you're not worse which is good at least you're stable," He started packing up for the 3rd time today and was out with the same 'call me' stick.

I shed a layer of clothing by removing the hoodie and socks, a sign i was really tired because I never can sleep with socks. I grab a water and gatorade from the fridge and crawl back into bed with the tv remote trying to find something to make the room less dead.

Settling on a what looks like comedy by the appearance of Adam Sandler yelling at a kid - a good sign.

I fall back asleep quickly.

A weight on the side of my bed alerts me to the presence of someone. Instinctively I roll over giving said weight room to lay down instead of being sprawled in the middle.

"What time is it?" I mumbled being roused awake.

"1:30 pm," Came the deep voice I expect.

"Isn't it time for your pre-game name?" I rolled over to face him.

"What do you think I'm doing," with that the covers lift and he settles in.

"Hmm," I barely hum snuggling into the pillows and blankets.

Strong arms circle around my waist and Auston snuggle me with a sigh.

NEXT

[w0lfbr0thers]

family dinner - skam fic week, day 1

note: hi!! so i wrote this for skam fic week, and im gonna try my hardest to keep up with this - so here is the first installment of skam fic week!! (i’ll also be posting these as a series on ao3)

a huge thank u to @evenshands for reading this over !! <3

day 1: accidental/fake dating au; pairing: evak

[read on ao3]

"No, you guys don't get it! I gotta have a date or something to this family dinner this time—" Isak groans, crossing his arms across his chest as he looks around at the guys.

Isak has been stressing about this for a week and a half—a small, family dinner dealing with his mom and dad and a few other relatives—but there was one request.

—

"Isak, love. Please just bring someone? Dating or not, bring someone nice!" His Mamma said over the phone, and what made Isak accept the invitation was how well his mother had been doing on her meds and therapist. He was excited to see her—and really, really see her.

"Mamma, please—" Isak pleaded, sitting cross-legged on his bed.

"Isak."

"I'm not bringing a girl. You know I'm more into boys."

"That is totally fine with me and Pappa, Isak. Just bring someone, like a close friend, to introduce to the rest of the family okay?"

Isak knows exactly why they're so insistent on him bringing someone, because really there is a million reasons—but they just want to know how he's "doing". If he's being "supported" in more ways than one—but really, Isak doesn't see why it's important, but he'd do anything to make his parents happy.

Isak sighs, biting his lower lip before answering. "Fine! Fine, I'll bring someone. I'll... bring my boyfriend."

Fuck. Seriously?

"Oh, Isak, honey! It's so nice that you've gotten a boyfriend! We'd all love to meet him, surely. Bring him along! It'll be nice!"

"Okay, Mamma. Okay. I'll bring him."

—

And so here Isak was, boyfriend-less with a family dinner tomorrow night, standing in the middle of the school yard.

"Why not bring Even?" Jonas piped up, raising an eyebrow.

"Even?" Isak chuckled. "No way, I'm not bringing him. That'll be... awkward."

"Why?"

"Because I said I would bring my boyfriend, Jonas. If I bring Even, who just so happens to be my best friend, that would totally make things weird!" Isak explained and Jonas rolled his eyes.

"So? You're best friends, it shouldn't be too bad?"

"It's not like Even is a bad guy, Isak," Mahdi says, stepping into the conversation. "You say you're best friends so you should know he isn't a bad guy. I'm sure me and the guys can also agree that he's just fine." Mahdi gestures around the group and is backed up by a couple nods.

Isak couldn't say that he wasn't going to think about it—because he was considering it right then and there—but does he really want to bring Even to a family dinner as his boyfriend? Sure, they've been through weirder stuff in the time they've been friends but fake dating? Not really making the top ten list of 'Weird Things I Did With My Best Friend'.

But really, if Isak considers it long enough... it doesn't seem like such a terrible idea.

"Come on, Isak! Just fucking ask him, Jesus Christ," Magnus says, snapping Isak from his train of thought.

"You know what, Mags? I'm gonna fucking ask him. I'm going to fucking ask him after school."

This receives a round of cheers from the boys, along with a couple slaps on the back as they congratulate Isak on this "tough" decision.

They soon shuffle out of the school yard, but Isak hangs back for a while, knowing Even isn't quite finished with his last class. He sits on the bench near the fencing, lazily staring off into the distance as he waits—and he doesn't wait for very long. Isak can't help but smile as Even makes his way across the schoolyard to him, hands shoved in the pockets of his denim jacket as he raises his eyebrows, grinning as he stands in front of Isak.

"Have you been sitting here waiting the whole time?" Even asks, which is a ridiculous question to ask because yes, Isak has been waiting here the whole time. Like he does everyday.

Isak nudges his foot into Even's leg, giving him a glare but his smile stays. "Obviously, why else would I be sitting here?"

"Scoring weed, maybe?"

"Right, because I score weed on a schoolyard. How legal of me."

Even's laugh grows louder. "You ready to go?"

"KB first or mine?"

"KB, then we can go to yours and I can kick your ass at FIFA."

Isak rolls his eyes as he slides down from the bench, moving to stand next to Even as they start walking out of the schoolyard. "You can't kick my ass when I'm the fucking champion of FIFA."

"Isak, I thought science was your favorite subject? Shouldn't you know the statistics that yes, I can kick your ass even if you're a "champion"?"

"Fuck you!" Isak exclaims as he shoves his shoulder into Even's as they walk, but they're both laughing so really they almost fall over into the street. They arrive at the coffee shop and pick their usual spot near the window as they drink their coffee.

It's now or never.

"Hey, uh—Even?" Isak starts, his voice a bit uneasy.

Even looks up at him from his coffee, and raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favor? It's... kind of a big favor."

"Sure."

Isak takes a deep breath and he clutches his coffee in his hands. "So I kind of have this family dinner to go to and I kind of told my mom I would bring someone and that someone is supposed to be my boyfriend and I was wondering if you would come? I'm sorry if that's weird but I just feel like it'd be okay with you there because I'm more natural with you and I didn't know who else I could bring but—"

"Isak! Hey, hey hey. Isak, I'll go with you. It's not weird at all, I'd be more than happy to," Even says, stopping Isak's rambling with a small smile.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."

"We have to be, like, in a relationship. I don't even know if you're into guys—"

"Isak, I told you was pansexual, like, two months ago?"

Isak stutters. "O-oh, yeah. I kind of forgot. But... for real, you'll go?"

"Yes, I'll go."

Isak lets out a relieved sigh as he finishes his coffee, grinning as he looks across the table at Even. "Thank you. Seriously."

—

"Holy fuck. This was a bad idea," Isak mumbles under his breath as he and Even stand in front of the door to Isak's family home.

"Why? Are you nervous?" Even chuckles, giving Isak's hand a reassuring squeeze.

Yes, they've been holding hands the whole ride to Isak's house. So that way it can feel natural.

"Uh, yeah? I'm introducing my kind-of boyfriend to my parents!" Isak says, his voice barely rising above a whisper.

"Isak, it'll be fine. Just relax, we've got this."

"Yeah, whatever... you're right. We can do this," Isak replies and he raises a hand to knock on the door. Once. Twice. Three times. Okay, now he can breathe. They can hear shuffling and chatter on the other side of the door and Isak's hand squeezes tighter on Even's as the door knob twists, opening wide to reveal his dad.

"Isak! How nice that you could make it! And, you've even brought someone! Nice to meet you...?" His dad asks, extending out a hand which Even graciously takes, sporting a 100-watt smile.

"Even Bech Næsheim, it's nice to finally meet you sir," Even says and God Isak could die in this moment. He's such a fucking charmer.

"Please, call me Terje! It's so nice to meet you, Even. I take it you're Isak's close friend?"

This time, Isak speaks up. "Pappa, this is my boyfriend."

Terje smiles. "That's so nice, Isak. Thank you for bringing him. Marianne is in the dining room, please do come in."

They both follow Isak's dad into the house, which sends a slight nervous feeling down Isak's spine that Even must feel because he just laces their fingers together carefully, sending relief flooding through Isak's veins.

"Isak! Honey, I'm so glad you're here!" His mother steps out from behind the door frame leading into the dining room, and Isak almost gasps aloud as he sees his mother for the first time in a couple months. She's smiling. She looks happy. She looks herself.

"Hi, Mamma," Isak smiles, gratefully accepting the hug that his mother offers and when he pulls away, he gestures to Even. "This is Even. My boyfriend."

It's weird how easily that saying rolls off his tongue.

"Even, how lovely to meet you. I'm Marianne. I'm so glad you're here and that I'm meeting you," she says, giving Even's hand a squeeze as they shake hands.

"It's nice to finally meet you, too," Even beams, and Isak can feel himself lean a bit more into Even's frame.

"Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes, so you both can just introduce yourselves to everyone or find a spot at the table?" Marianne offers and both Isak and Even nod, giving her a smile before she heads back into the kitchen. They keep tightly pressed together as they give a few hello's and introductions while making their way to the dining room and they find themselves a spot near the end of the table, where they both sit, waiting patiently.

Isak feels Even squeeze his thigh gently, which sends a warm blush up to his cheeks as he looks over at him, a bit confused. "Are you still nervous?" Even asks, and Isak gives a shrug.

"Well, now that introductions and all that is out of the way, I feel a bit better. I think I can eat dinner and then not have a strong need to throw it up afterwards."

Even grins, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his cheek. "Good. I'm glad you're feeling better about this."

"Well, it's better because you're here," Isak adds, and he can feel more warmth spread across his skin as Even laughs lightly. "I mean... having a best friend to comfort me is nice."

"You mean best boyfriend?"

Isak rolls his eyes, but he isn't annoyed. "Yeah, sure."

Even laughs again, his eyes bright and blue and Isak is still staring as his mother begins setting dinner on the table. "I hope you both enjoy ham?"

"We love ham," they both say and Isak can't help but blush as his mother smiles at them, sitting at her spot at the table as everyone else gets seated and comfortable.

Dinner is a quiet affair, and every now and then Even is beckoning Isak to eat bits of food off his fork despite them both eating the same meal but do either of them care? No. They know they're earning looks of adoration from everyone else because everyone loves Even, despite him only being here for a dinner and he's not even Isak's boyfriend, but they don't think about that much either. They just enjoy the moment.

Even, of course, being the charmer he is helps with the dishes after dinner, leaving Isak to tend to the questioning relatives even though all the questions are about Even. They eventually pass as everyone exits the house after a few goodbyes and hugs—including a few kisses on the cheeks for Even—and soon it's just them and Isak's parents in the house. It's dusk outside, the sunset streaming through the windows as they sit and chatter on about how well the family dinner went.

"How do you two feel about a walk, hm?" Terje asks, glancing from Isak to Even.

Isak gives a shrug, looking to Even who is already looking at him. "A walk sounds nice."

"A walk sounds lovely, baby," Even smiles, placing another kiss on the cheek.

"We could go to the ice cream parlor down the road a ways?" Marianne speaks up, smiling.

"That sounds amazing, Mamma," Isak smiles back, taking Even's hand as they stand from the sofa and they grab their jackets from the foyer and head out. It's a nice evening, a light breeze and it's slightly chilly but nothing they all can't manage.

They walk in silence, Marianne and Terje walking side by side in the front, quieting talking, while Isak and Even take the rear, still holding hands, fingers laced together.

"Was the dinner nice?" Isak asks after a while.

"The dinner was perfect," Even replies and Isak smiles, pleased.

"I'm glad you liked it, and again. Thank you for coming. I'm glad you were there with me," Isak says and this time, he halts them and stands a bit on his tiptoes, placing a kiss just on the corner of Even's mouth.

Even smiles, pulling them forward again to continue their walk after a while. "You're welcome, Isak."

"Shall we go in for ice cream? We'll pay," they hear Terje call back and they nod, following Isak's parents into the parlor. Isak and Even emerge from the parlor first, strawberry vanilla swirl for Isak and chocolate chip for Even. They find a small bench to occupy as they indulge in their ice cream, their thighs pressed together and shoulders touching as they eat in silence. Isak feels his heart swell as he glances at Even and he notices a lot of things for once—how his dirty blonde hair gleams as it catches the sunset, the warm pinks and oranges of the sky swirling in his chilled blue eyes and how he looks so intently into the sky as if he's drawing it—and Isak knows how Even is when he's taking in a landscape. Even is mesmerized by the scenery, and Isak is mesmerized by Even. His skin feels warm and tingly where it comes in contact with Even's, the skin of his arm brushing against his sends shivers down his spine and he realizes so, so much in that minute.

"Hey, Even?" Isak says, his voice low.

"Hm?"

"You know, there was one thing about this dinner that kind of... sucked, in a way. Like, I didn't really like it."

Even frowns, setting his ice cream in his lap. "What's wrong?"

Isak's heart feels like it's about to burst from his chest as he tries to find the right words. "It's just that... us, with the fake dating thing. You pretending to be my boyfriend... I feel like it would have been better if it wasn't just pretending, you know?" Isak explains and he can't bring himself to look up at Even's expression. He clutches the cold container of his ice cream as he waits for Even to speak.

"What?" Isak doesn't say anything. "Isak Valtersen, are you saying... that you like me, or something?"

Fuck. Isak has been pinning for Even ever since they became partners for a school project back in middle school. Fuck. He likes him. Of course he likes Even.

Isak bites his lip. "Kind of...?" Scratch that. "Fuck, Even. Fuck. I like you. I like you a fuckton, holy shit. And tonight, just holding your hand and having you so close... it was just so fucking nice. Fuck, God, yes. I like you. I've liked you way before you told me you were pansexual, and I just liked you more after."

It's quiet for a minute as the words fall in the air, their ice cream beginning the melt and the containers in their hands begin to sweat. It's an agonizing minute before Even says something. He doesn't say anything, no. But he moves. Isak doesn't know what he's doing but he just stays completely still. He feels Even shift so he's looking at him and fuck, Isak can feel his eyes just burning into his skin with every passing second and eventually he fixates his gaze on Even, who's eyes are wide and just so open to him. He bites his lip a bit harder as Even reaches up a hand to cup his cheek and he shivers at the touch, Even's fingers and hands cold from the ice cream. Isak doesn't move a single inch as Even moves forward, still cupping his lower jaw and their lips are just ghosting each other, waiting, waiting for the invitation they want. What Even wants. And Isak gladly invites him in.

Isak reaches to the back of Even's neck, gripping at his hair and he pulls him closer, pressing their lips together and they just slide together so perfectly that Isak swears he's in some kind of soulmate universe but he's not. This is just one universe. He feels Even shiver underneath his fingers, his cold hand moving to the base of his neck as Isak holds him closer, their lips moving together perfectly and the faint taste of vanilla and chocolate lingers in their mouths.

It's like everything around them disappears, but soon they break away at the sound of someone clearing their throat and they find it to be Marianne and Terje, holding their ice cream. "I see you boys are quite busy. Shall we give you another minute?"

Isak laughs, and it's so light that it even surprises him. "No, Mamma. It's okay," Isak says, and he glances over at Even before finishing. "We'll have plenty other minutes like these."

[hiddenthoughtsofawanderer]

I was not expecting that

So I need to us throw back for a minute, to October. I was working at a county club because my old manager got me the job as soon as I got here in August basically. Literally right off the bat, I felt a connection with the bar tender. It was really weird, because I knew he felt something back and I was like “what are you playing at?” So by October we had become friends, and we had the worst night at work so he invited me to have a drink at this place he was telling me about. So I agreed, I wanted friends, and I wanted to feel connected to someone since Jack and my relationship had become so distant. I followed him downtown, and we parked in the garage of one of those high rise condo places that cost a fortune. He says his dad has one and he just needs to run upstairs really quick, so we do. The place is huge, and expensive and flashy but feels familiar. We go back downstairs and walk toward the bars. He feels familiar as we’re matching pace, it’s strange. We stop, the bar is closed for some reason. So he’s like it’s fine there’s another one across the street I know the bartender at or something. Crosses street. Closed for private event. Well fine, I can just make us drinks at my dad’s and it’ll be easier to talk then. Sure, we can do that. Back a block and up the stairs. We start drinking, and it’s fun. Too fun, too comfortable, too familiar. I drink more, feeling like this was meant to be. It’s like we know each other from a past life, it feels like we’ve been here before. My brain plays a trick to flash scenes from 1920-1950 to really make it feel like it. The more we drink, the more closer we lean in. It clicks, he reminds me of butthead. He’s charming, he’s attractive, he’s got a way with words that make me soak them up. He’s also got a girlfriend, and I have Jack. I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be sitting so close. This isn’t right. I deleted butthead off Facebook just a couple months before so I wouldn’t be tempted because I love Jack. Why am I tempted again? I throw up, IBS and alcohol are not friends, and now I’m emotional internally because morally I know better. He was too close, and he knows better too. Red flag, not the kind of person you want to be with. I still talk to him. Flirt with him. We work together, I can’t avoid him. Things still aren’t getting better with Jack, they’re worse because of what I felt and he doesn’t know. I realize we need to break up. I switch jobs because I don’t want to be a wedding planner and given to opportunity to work in between events and the kitchen was a dream, but I wanted to open a coffee shop and only did this because Jack’s parents said college was the only way to be successful. I gave up my dream to follow Jack. To be with him in Texas, and I hated myself for it. He deserved better, I am a sham. I am such a terrible person. But if we broke up I could be me again. I made it to Denver and my truest self was calling, everything was buzzing around me and I felt alive again. Like I could feel again. And I didn’t know where the line was between my emotions and everyone else’s. And I acted on people’s emotions a lot as validation. And so I broke up with Jack. And a week later I slept with the bartender. Then the whirlwind begins. I get a snap message from him, and he’s talking really weird. But I’m me and I’m honest and I’m ready to leave. He suddenly reveals it’s not him, but in fact his girlfriend. Who I was told and sent a screenshot of that they broke up. So one, he was lying to me, and two, he went to great lengths to make his story seem believable. But I know better because he already had given me red flags so I knew not to date him. But I was weak enough to fall into having sex with him. So I told the girlfriend here’s my number, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know because I had no clue and I am sorry this happened. So I tell her everything and she’s torn up about it and he’s furious with me and I block his number and delete him off Snapchat and Instagram. Barely think about him, that is until yesterday. Yesterday I get a notification of a friend request on Snapchat. It’s the bar tender, I’m like what the hell do you want? And he wants to burry the hatchet and make up how shitty he was. He’s been seeing a therapist and wouldn’t have gotten help if it wasn’t for me. He’s never felt anything for anyone the way he felt for me. I don’t believe him. I feel bad, I believe people can change but I really don’t believe him and I won’t unless I see him aka feel it out. I now know I know when he’s lying because I felt it when we were together. If he’s telling the truth, I’d want to be able to apologize if I were him so I’m allowing this. But I am very cautious. I don’t trust him. And now I’m seeing how easily I fall into traps. I am learning to be better and I’m learning that you need to trust your gut. If someone plays you, don’t let them come back again and again. It’s a trauma bond relationship and it’s not healthy. I can forgive someone without feeling obligated to go back to them.

[givemethatgold]

Rescued pt 9

Summary:  After Bucky comes to your aid in a moment of panic you extend an invitation to family dinner. Neither of you could have foreseen how this small act of kindness would alter you, and your life, forever.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, Tony Stark x alcohol Warnings: Swearing, alcoholism, stress baking Word Count:1616

Author’s Note: I’ve been struggling with finding the time and inspiration to write lately, and I apologize profusely if this is reflecting in my writing! Morning sickness is a bitch. @bxckytrxsh is my lovely proof-reader and sweet, sweet friend.

Previously

“Tony Stark, and you are?”

Freaking the fuck out right now!

“Y/N Y/L/N. How’s Bucky? Is he,” you stopped and willed away your tears, “is he going to be okay?”

Tony’s eye immediately softened.

“He’s going to be fine. Y/N, look at me, you saved him. Now, why don’t you come with me? The team has more than a few questions for you.”

Tony scoops you up in his arms like you weigh nothing and starts walking towards another entrance that seems to lead into the living quarters of the compound.

“Hmmm...on second thought,” he pauses and sniffs, “maybe we should get you to a shower first.”

You were trying hard to remain calm and collected but it was an extremely hard thing to do when you were sitting at a conference table with the majority of the Avengers sitting across from you.  It felt like you were at a job interview from hell.

Scarlet Witch, Falcon, and Captain America sat off to one side of the table. Iron Man, Vision, and War Machine sat as far away from them as they could, and Black Widow was in the middle seemingly acting as both interrogator and buffer. 

You shifted in your seat, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the heavy silence. Your ankle had been wrapped and was elevated on the chair next to you, but the movement still caused a twinge of pain. You fought to keep a neutral expression; afraid that any word or expression could be taken incorrectly by the intimidating group.

“So, by the time Bucky woke up, the fire had already spread throughout the house?” Natasha had finally broken her silence after hearing you recount your perspective of the last three days. Of all that had happened, she seemed unusually interested in the house fire.

“You don’t think it was an accident, do you?” It came out as more of a statement than a question.

“Y/N, I don’t want to alarm you but we need to face facts and take action.” Natasha’s face softened minutely as she reached across the table and patted your hand. The surprised looks on everyone’s faces didn’t escape either of you, but you both chose to ignore them; the current topic being too important.

“When those Hydra operatives caught up to you, they already knew who you are and what you... meant to Barnes.” Tony, who was already into the scotch at 9:30 in the morning, finished his glass and leveled his gaze at you. “We think they tested him with the fire to see how he would react. Hell, they may have even orchestrated your meeting in the parking lot just to encourage him into gaining a weakness.”

I’m sorry, what I meant to Bucky? Past tense?! Who does this asshole think he is? Okay, that’s it. I am so fucking done being the weak link and getting stepped on.

When you had come close to being attacked in the parking lot, a small ball of rage had begun to form in the pit of your stomach. You had allowed it to take over when your mom had revealed her cancer, but the resulting damage to your knuckles had you forcing the emotion down and running from it. That tiny ball had been added to, a lot, over the past couple of days; the fire, the hospital, getting shot at, getting hurt, seeing Bucky bleeding, almost losing him, and now. Hearing this man, one of Bucky’s supposed teammates, talk about him so flippantly, like he was some lab rat and not a human being; this was the straw that broke the seal on that rage.

“First of all, you supercilious prick,” you rose up onto your hands as much as you could, “it's what I mean, to Bucky. I’m not going anywhere, regardless of his past and what is happening now.  Secondly, if you are so goddamn confident that Hydra knows about me and my family, what the fuck are you doing sitting around here!? Go bloody get them and put them somewhere safe!” 

By the time you were done your speech you were yelling, and not just at Tony. The room sat in stunned silence for a breathe then everyone sprung into action. Sam and Steve both gave you a quick nod before exiting the room, Vision disappeared through the wall, Natasha and Wanda both came to give you a few words of reassurance before sprinting away, and after a mini-quarrel, Rhodey and Tony got up and began to exit. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” You called out to Tony, using your best authoritative nurse voice.

“I am going to, as you so eloquently put it, go bloody get your family,” Tony replied, giving you a withering look.

“Not inebriated you’re not!”

“Sweetheart, I’m Iron Man, if you thi-”

“Mr. Stark!” You interrupted. “I don’t care who you are when you put on a fancy metal suit. Right now, you’re a drunk mess on a Sunday morning who needs to sober up and see a therapist!” You were shouting again but you couldn’t find it in you to care. “If you so much as look at one of your suits, I swear to god I will call it in and report you for a DUI. This is my family, I won’t risk you compromising anything!”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.!” Tony called, leveling you again with a challenging look.

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” A disembodied voice replied.

You were able to keep your expression neutral and continue the staring contest with Tony.

“Where is my suit? I’ve been calling it for over a minute.”

“It’s in its dock, where it’s going to stay. I’m inclined to agree with Miss Y/L/N, and I won’t be assisting the operation of your suit until your blood alcohol level is back to zero.”

The shock on Tony’s face quickly turned into indignant rage. His casually cross arms were not at his sides with his hands clenched into fists. You took a moment to worry he may try to punch you, but quickly dismissed the idea. Tony could be a hotheaded asshole, but even he had limits.

“Come on Stank, time to walk it off and do some thinking.” Colonel Rhodes was poking Tony with his cane, trying to get his attention.

Tony stayed staring at you for a moment longer then disappeared out the door. You let out the breath you had been holding and sank back down onto your chair. 

“I’m impressed,” Rhodey said softly to you, “not a lot of people can stand up to Tony, never mind win one of his ultra-alpha staring contests. Give it a few days, I expect he’ll come around.”

You gave him a small smile in thanks for his kind words then slumped forward to rest your forehead on the cool, polished table. Gently banging your forehead a few times before going completely limp in order to better question your behavior towards your host; a friggen superhero. 

“May I suggest you rest in your room, Miss Y/l/n? It’d be a wee bit comfier than the conference room. I calculate that your family will arrive within the hour.”

Lifting your head you looked around for the source of the voice; a speaker or intercom. Coming up empty you just spoke aloud, thanking the woman and asking for directions to your room which, apparently, Tony had arranged for you while you had been getting cleaned up and attended to in the med-bay.

Great. Wonderful. Excellent. Phenomenal first day, Y/n.

Rather than going to your guest room, you had found solace in wandering the halls and exploring the compound. So far, you had discovered that the Avengers seemed to like rom-coms, had a library full of fantasy and science fiction novels, and someone must be a musician as one room was equipped with enough instruments to make a small orchestra happy. They also had a kitchen to die for, stocked full of sugary cereal and a crazy amount of protein shake powder. 

This is what superheroes eat? Can’t Stark afford a nutritionist and private chef? Christ.

Deciding to blow off some steam while waiting for your family to arrive, you stayed in the kitchen and began to bake. Four loaves of bread, three meat pies, a massive pot of chili, and peach crumble later you started wondering what was holding up the arrival of your family. 

Remembering the built-in AI who seemed to mother-hen the group, you tentatively called out.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“The quinjet is ten minutes out, I apologize for my incorrect calculation. I didn’t account for people not believing Captain America.”

“Jordan...” you muttered, shaking your head. It was no surprised to hear that he put up and fight and refused to go quietly. 

You could just imagine the panic they must have felt waking up in the hotel with you gone, Jordan’s truck gone, no way of getting a hold of you, and then the Avengers bursting in claiming their lives may be in danger. 

“They will all be escorted to the conference room where you were earlier today.” The AI informed you.

“Would it be possible to bring them here? I think everyone could use some comfort food while they hear the news.”

After the debriefing and dinner, the Avengers had left your family alone in the common area. While you were grateful for the opportunity to be with him, you were finding it hard to speak. The guilt of what had happened was falling on your shoulders; knowing that none of it would have happened had you just been more careful when buying those fucking groceries.

Your mom and dad had tried to console you, Karen had flat out told you that you were being dumb if you thought that any of this was your fault, and Jordan mumbled something about needing to do background checks. The one person who you could always count of to bring light to a situation and make you laugh was being uncharacteristically quiet.

Before you could ask Mikey how he was doing, your name was being called. Looking toward the door you spotted Bucky, leaning heavily on the doorjamb but looking a lot more alive than the last time you saw him.

“Bucky,” you breathed, heart leaping into your throat at the sight of him on his feet, “How are you fee- MIKEY, NO!”

Part Ten

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[thebachelordiaries]

The Cutest 3-Way Ever: The Bachelorette Ep. 2 Recap

Episode one of The Bachelorette is like the first day of class where you go over the syllabus and briefly discuss what you will learn the rest of the semester.

Episode two is when we finally get down to business. We’re learning new things, doing homework and studying for tests. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the ball is officially rolling.

Truthfully, all I want to do is talk about Peter and Copper, but I am going to force myself to go in chronological order. We had two group dates sandwiched between a 1-on-1, and even my dad had a lot to say about tonight’s episode. 

He was live-texting me his thoughts.

(I probably should have responded so he would have continued to text me and I’d have more content. Oh well. Next time.)

Now, more importantly, let’s discuss what I have to say regarding this episode, which I absolutely loved.

Husband Material Date

The first group date of the season was essentially a competition to see which man feels the most like “husband material.” Rachel is looking for 1,000 thread-count husband material sheets, but her group of guys looks more like sheets found at The Dollar Tree or Walmart.

To conquer this difficult task, Rachel enlisted the help of celebrity power couple Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis to moderate the competition. 

Ashton was wearing a “husband material” shirt and now I need one for my future husband.

What do Ashton Kutcher and Peter have in common? They both modeled for Abercrombie & Fitch and they’re both husband material. More on that (and pictures!!!) below.

Mila is a Bachelor superfan who once pointed out to us all that Ashton looks like Jared Haibon from Kaitlyn’s season of the Bachelorette. 

Ashton said he doesn’t think Rachel’s husband is in this group, and I think I agree with him. Nonetheless, the show must go on.

To prove who is husband material, the men had to change a diaper, find a ring in a dish-ridden sink, vacuum, unclog a drain and lord knows what else while carrying a baby. Thankfully, the babies weren’t real or else we’d have multiple homicides on our hands.

“I’ve never held a baby before,” said Dean, who is someone looking to become Rachel’s future husband.

Ironically, the person who won this challenge is the opposite of husband material. Whaboom! guy literally spiked the baby to the ground after he won. He also accidentally drowned the baby during the competition. But hey, it wasn’t the “father material” obstacle course, so I digress.

Rachel is just so excited to get a hug from Whaboom!

Whaboom! then asks Ashton to do a Whaboom! and he swiftly declined.

The cocktail portion of the date was a real let down for Rachel; None of the guys were really bringing the romance. 

Whaboom! guy kissed Rachel and I haven’t cringed so hard since JoJo kissed Evan Bass, the erectile dysfunction guy.

Ticklemonster, who is actually a pediatrician and kind of growing on me, showed Rachel that you should minimize wiping a baby when changing its diaper. (personally, I find him Michael Cera-cute/awkward and also adorably funny)

Jack Stone was leaning towards Rachel so creepily while talking to her. I felt like she was trapped.

Blake just complained about Whaboom! the entire time and honestly I could care less. When is Blake leaving my screen? I don’t find him attractive at all.

Meanwhile, Fred is still stuck in the campzone.

The only person who Rachel felt any connection with was Dean, who was giggling like a little girl the entire time. Rachel told him that she liked his “going black and never going back” joke and that she actually wanted to use the joke first. Dean, thank your lucky stars you’re good looking because Rachel just saved your image.

Kenny also got a good edit here. Cute, romantic music was playing as soon as he started gushing about his 10-year-old daughter. I really appreciate how Kenny is hilarious and tough yet still sensitive. 

Rachel gave Dean the group date rose. Afterwards, he mans up, puts his big girl pants on, walks Rachel out the door and lays a big fat kiss on her. And it was no slobberfest kiss like the one with Bryan, so I approved.

A Doggy Day With A Smitten Kitten

Rachel’s date with Peter was perfect from start to finish.

She first informed him that a third wheel would be accompanying them on their date. Rachel says it would be her friend who was in an accident. She said she hasn’t seen him in a really long time. 

Enter: the cutest third wheel with three legs you ever did see: Copper.

Rachel revealed that Copper broke his foot jumping off something. He is really handling this injury in stride.

The three best friends anybody could have then boarded a private plane to Palm Springs where they attended Bark Fest: a place where dogs and humans can party as equals.

A few reasons why I loved this date:

You could tell Copper liked Peter, which is SO important. Dogs are the best judges of character.

Rachel and Peter discussed if they would be willing to move across the country for a relationship. They both said yes. 

Their conversation was so natural (it always is with Rachel though)

Peter picked up Copper and started dancing with him, which was cute as hell.

The dinner portion of 1-on-1 dates are typically known for getting deep, so I was exited to see what Peter has going for him besides a model face, salt-and-pepper hair and perfectly gapped teeth.

Rachel always gets the question, “You’re so great. Why are you still single?” which is annoying and also slightly offensive.

Either way, Rachel wanted to know how some girl (re: me) hasn’t scooped Peter up to keep him hostage in an abandoned basement. In response to her question, Peter admits to being heartbroken and dealing with a lot of issues from it. He says he sought relationship counseling after being in his last two relationships to figure himself out.

Rachel, who probably wanted to end the show right then and there, admitted that she also started seeing a therapist after her longterm relationship ended and it was one of the best decisions she ever made. 

Can you imagine that Peter is an actual living, breathing person? He’s an attractive male who openly admits to needing help to sort out his emotions. Mind blown.

If this doesn’t make these two the most adorable couple ever, hold onto your knickers: there’s more. Peter and Rachel had the most endearing conversation to ever happen on this show...They discussed their gapped teeth. Rachel said her decision to keep the gap was a personal choice because her dentist said it added “character” and Peter said the gap is a family trait he assumed he was stuck with for life. And now, suddenly, I want gapped teeth. 

Rachel basically threw the rose at Peter and they kissed and then kissed in front of romantic fireworks some more.

I’m pretty that everyone was Team Rachel and Peter Forever after this date. Everyone else is fake news.

Love & Basketball...And Some Other Shit

We’ve gone two whole Bachelorette seasons without a basketball group date, so I think we were overdue. 

And what kind of competition would it be without a special guest? Kareem Abdul Jabbar may have received the best introduction in Bachelor Nation history from Rachel. She was adorably screaming his name and jumping up and down. I loved it.

The boys split up into two teams to compete in a game of basketball [for Rachel’s heart, duh].

Even though his team lost, DeMario was really balling out. He blocked shots, he intercepted passes, he even dunked (at one point on Rachel, smh.) Little did he know, however, that he was shooting from Curry range the entire time.

The thing about shooting from Curry range is you’re going to miss because you’re not Steph Curry. Just like how DeMario wasn’t going to get away with having a “girlfriend” before he went on this show.

Some girl named Lexie showed up to the basketball game to tell Rachel that she has been dating DeMario for the past seven months. She said he stopped talking to her right before he went on the show. Some people are calling Lexie DeMario’s girlfriend, but they were probably just “talking.” Either way, Rachel didn’t approve.

“We’ve had sexual intercourse before” -from DeMario’s mouth to my blog post.

DeMario’s reaction to seeing Lexie was by far one of the greatest responses in Bachelor History. First, his face showed total recognition, then he quickly changed his approach and asked Rachel, “who is this?”

In the end, Rachel was pissed that DeMario wasn’t taking this process seriously. Lawyer Rachel doesn’t play. She promptly told him to “get the fuck out.” 

I know DeMario likes attention, but this is definitely a Charlie Sheen-type of attention, not his preferred Justin and Britney wearing matching denim outfits at the VMAs-type of attention. That’s karma for ya!

So then the cocktail hour portion of the date happened and nothing really memorable occurred. Josiah got the rose. I am still in firm belief he doesn’t have a strong connection with Rachel. Not buyin’ it.

Rose Ceremony

We never learn, do we? Every season, we go in with an open mind and an open heart. And every season, ABC take advantage of us by never completing the rose ceremony before the episode is over.

Notably, Bryan kissed Rachel again (less aggressively this time) and gave her a chiropractor adjustment, and hopefully a happy ending.

DeMario also crashed the rose ceremony to “apologize” to Rachel, but we won’t see what happens until the next episode.

Until next time, xoxo, The Bachelor Diaries.

Bonus Material

Country Boy Lee is apparently a huge racist and Chris Harrison said the show had no idea about his extremely offensive tweets before casting him. Read a full article on this issue here.

“I like boys who model for Abercrombie and Fitch”

Peter and Ashton were once Abercrombie model babes while...

Eric greeted you at the door.

“I’ll take Peter if I had one wish.”

[republicstandard]

Gay Pied Pipers of “Polymorphous Perversity” Penetrate Schools

What do gay and transgender activists penetrating Britain’s schools have in common with the Jesuits?

Jesuits were said to take the attitude, “Give me the child for his first seven years, and I’ll give you the man.” Jesuit co-founder St Francis Xavier tweaked the axiom to: “Give me the child until he is seven and I care not who has him thereafter.”

Atheist missionary and pulpit thumper Richard Dawkins plumbs the potential of the Jesuitical proposition and points to “the useful gullibility of the child mind,” in The God Delusion. The Jesuit boast “is no less accurate (or sinister) for being hackneyed,” he agrees.

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Gay activists have discovered the same truth. By fusing this Ignatian truism with the Freudian dogma of “polymorphous perversity,” the Pied Pipers of Stonewall are wreaking revenge on heterosexual conformity and leading our children into the Weser-like waters of sexual and moral morass, where they will drown like the mass of mesmerized rats, as in the dark legend of the Rat-Catcher of Hameln.

The bullying barrage of militant gay and transgender ideological activism would embarrass Soviet propaganda commissars for strategy and residents of Sodom and Gomorrah for shamelessness. Gayducation is now a non-negotiable item of the curriculum in British schools and who in Stonewall gives a fig if half of British children are leaving primary school unable to read and write properly?

The sexualization of our children is now a national pandemic, spreading like swine flu. Drop in at one of the Kama Sutra sessions offered by a local primary school in London and listen to 5-year-old children shouting “penis” and “vagina” like communist slogans and waving around Play-Doh models of lumpy genitalia they’ve made. Talk to Muslim academic Dr. Kate Godfrey-Faussett, a psychologist and Dialectical Behavior Therapist, who receives complaints from parents all over Britain about the pornification of the school curricula.

The pansexual proselytizers want our kids to be sexualized from Kindergarten. Lynnette Smith of Big Talk Education wants lessons to start “in nursery.” Five-year-olds at a London primary school are being taught about pornography, a BBC documentary reveals. Mick Manning and Brita Granström’s textbook How did I Begin? graphically explains procreation to 5+ years kids: “As they cuddled, your dad’s penis moved gently inside your mum’s vagina and the sperms flowed out.”

The eroticizers of education want to quarantine parents from the poison injected into their children. A 2010 Ofsted report found that schools rarely consult parents about sex education, even though the guidance encourages them to do so. Now that Ofsted has stepped up its inquisition against conservative schools, its recent report on sex education doesn’t mention consulting parents at all.

The golden coupling between sex and marriage is never mentioned. Only two commandments of safe sex and consent guide the discourse. “Making love is like skipping. You can’t do it all day long,” says the illustrated text Where did I come from? by Peter Mayle for 7+ years children. The Living and Growing DVD for 5-13-year-olds shows a group of little boys a public toilet where there’s a condom machine. “They have even got different flavors,” says a child in the film. Sex is as amoral and recreational as sit-ups and as multi-flavored as ice cream.

The goal is to brainwash kids into an anti-traditional family and promiscuously pansexual worldview. Seven-year-old children learn that anal intercourse is “sexual intercourse where a man puts his penis into another person’s anus” and oral sex is “using the mouth and tongue to lick, kiss or suck a partner’s genitals.” Subjects for discussion include homosexuality, bisexuality, abortion, rape, incest, sex abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and Aids.

Heather, who runs her own workshops in schools in East London, helps teens to discover sadomasochism. “Maybe you read a really hot bit of erotica while looking up Dominance and Submission. Maybe you saw some awesome strap-on porn or just found some cool looking sex toys you’d like to use,” she writes on her website, urging the child to share the discovery with their partner.

Apart from pushing its gay agenda pretending it is “creating an inclusive school environment,” Stonewall brainwashes toddlers with transgenderism: “Babies are given a gender when they are born. Trans is a word that describes people who feel the gender they were given as a baby doesn’t match the gender they feel themselves to be,” its literature advocates, thus reframing gender dysphoria as a chic identity badge.

Drag queens are brought into taxpayer-funded nursery schools to read nursery rhymes and sing songs so 2-year-olds can learn about gay and transgender issues. The Drag Queen Story Times website says it aims “to capture the imagination and fun of the gender fluidity of childhood while giving children a glamorous, positive unabashedly queer role model.” Transgender lifestyles and same-sex relationships should be “promoted” to children as young as two to reduce hate crime, says the National Union of Teachers (NUT).

Except for very few Catholic, Jewish and Muslim schools, faith schools are falling like ninepins before Aphrodite’s chariot, with the Church of England going out its way to garland the new cult of gayducation. Anglican bishop Stephen Cottrell tells the House of Lords that the “Church of England works closely with Stonewall,” while Catholic bishop Philip Egan attacks Stonewall for burying Britain’s “Christian patrimony” and proposing “Orwellian changes to our language” and “draconian restrictions on religious expression.”

Egan is right. Gayducation is unrelentingly absolutist. According to Shraga Stern, thousands of Charedi Jews will leave Britain unless ministers back down from forcing faith schools to teach children about gay and transgender relationships after the Education Department forcibly introduced “homosexuality, same-sex relationships and gender reassignment” lessons in classrooms. On Thursday, the head of Ofsted Amanda Spielman said that all children must learn about same-sex couples regardless of their religious background.

Confused parents are asking two questions. First, how did we begin sexualizing our children—not just providing them biological instruction about human reproduction, but eroticizing them into accepting deviant sexualities? Why is this junk touted as scientific?

Remember Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis? He designed the scaffolding for sexualization children. Children are “polymorphously perverse” he said. Before a child is educated in the conventions of civilized society, it will turn to bodily parts for sexual gratification and will not obey adult rules that determine perverse behavior. But traditional education will suppress the polymorphous possibilities for sexual gratification in the child, said Freud.

Sexologist Alfred Kinsey took this further claiming that even the tiniest of infants have the “capacity” for orgasm. Hence, sexual satisfaction is a childhood goal to be pursued. Kinsey’s theory of early childhood sexual development became the standard for sex education in schools. A scandal broke when Kinsey and his associates were accused of masturbating thousands of little children for scientific data to confirm Kinsey’s theory. Kinsey also claimed that 10-47% of Americans are gay. His two “findings” paved the way for gayducation.

Second, parents are asking why Pied Pipers of polymorphous perversity are not tolerant of real diversity. Why the bigotry and totalitarianism? Why are gay and transgender evangelists desperate and determined to convert innocent and impressionable minds to their cult of Eros (even though they hate “conversion therapy”)?

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The gay liberation movement began with a libertarian argument. Leave us to do our thing. Western society then gave LGBTI+ folk freedom to do their thing. That wasn’t enough. The plea for tolerance became a demand for equality (and same-sex marriage). Equality implies that people are equal before the law. It doesn’t go far enough and sanctify certain practices as morally good. To achieve this goal, you’ve got to aggressively and subversively push for normalization—starting with the most malleable minds.

Children are powerless and offer the least resistance. Once you’ve have brainwashed them—you’ve got them for life. This is the goal of the sex education industry—as it milks the government (and taxpayer) for millions of pounds. “I have come to indoctrinate your children into my LGBTQ agenda (and I’m not a bit sorry),” says children’s author and activist S. Bear Bergman.

There will be pockets of resistance opposing your project for normalization and moral canonization. You’ve got to eliminate them by orchestrating a coup d’état and establishing totalitarian control. Even the tiniest resistance poses a threat. Why? Because the struggle between light and darkness is unequal (as the soaring prologue to the gospel of John poetically and philosophically portrays).

For darkness to triumph, it must be complete and total. “The light of a single candle, somewhere in the universe, defeats it; there is now light where formerly there was none,” writes Michael Walsh. “Either there is Light or there is not; there can be no synthesis.” The tiniest flicker of candlelight is sufficient to expose and unsettle the hegemony of darkness.

From September 2020, the state wants to make Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) and teaching LGBT+ concepts compulsory in all primary and secondary schools. StopRSE is resisting the darkness of polymorphous perversity. Parents of all faiths and none are lighting candles to help save our children. The debate on the new RSE will take place on Monday 25 February at 4.30 pm. You can sign the petition to Parliament demanding you choose what your child learns.

Parents of Hamelin! Your taxes are paying for the Pied Pipers of polymorphous perversity to lure your children into Des Teufels Lustschloss (The Devil’s Pleasure Palace). It’s time you sang to the state-funded Piped Pipers: “We don’t need no gayducation. Hey! Stonewall, leave our kids alone.”

from Republic Standard | Conservative Thought & Culture Magazine https://ift.tt/2EmUK4Q via IFTTT

[bookreadalongs]

Second Chance Summer

01:20 8/26

I wonder when she stopped separating by color. (234) I've been wondering if that young girl is liks stepmom, but maybe I'm just projecting PS I still love you.

I should sleep since I agreed to go to church tomorrow for some reason...I was going to say god forsaken, but thought better. Gee I'm tired. The feeling was guilt.

01:23

01:27

Aww! So had Lucy been lying? (239)

It all feels so improbable, but then you think of Neah. I wonder if other people think about their special place, or maybe camp. These people you become to close to, who shaped your summers for so long...

I thought the beginning was a tad slow, but I still read. Now I'm super captivated. It feels like a slow plot, but that's what it's supposed to feel like. You're supposed to care about the dad a lot. It's a nice book.

01:29

03:13

I know. I know. I thought I was bone tired as I typed the above notes. It was just so good. The romance? So...rushed. After it was so slow it felt even more rushed in comparison.

It just was weird. The fact that it's been five years is weird. Maybe someday it'll feel like less time...but I don't know. It's weird.

He just forgave her. For leaving like his mom. When she'd be leaving in a couple of months. You'd think he'd be less accepting of people who eventually were going to leave. Like the babysitter! Since Davy is growing out of needing one. Yes, that would've made sense.

I'm just saying. They were twelve.

It's so cute and nice though. I know I would've finished this tonight/ morning if I didn't already commit to going to church.

Mistakes were made.

This is the first time I've really put the book down though. I am surprised. I feel good that I'm picking up these books I put down so many years ago. My bookmark is a ticket from 2015. I know that wasn't even the first time I tried to read it. I just wanted happier things.

Now, I guess, light romance-y cute stuff is more my mood. I have fantasy on hold for when that piques my interest. I just love love. A family story line is good too. Also, I've needed to read Morgan Matson for years now.

Also also, I've been watching old booktube videos, so maybe that's further inclined picking up these old books.

Adult books are cool, but so are YA. There is a distinction. I won't lie. There are different issues, directing tones completely differently.

I didn't think I'd be so captivated by this book, but I've been reading it since like 9. Maybe earlier. Now I'm on page 377, so probably started it earlier. I've made it 30 chapters in. It's good.

03:20

04:54

I should've known this would happen. I tried to go to sleep over an hour ago and just wasted like 20-30 minutes.

It was a good book. The romance was underdeveloped to me. I love the backstory, but once that was outed, Henry and Lucy's characters just became less interesting. Of course, I suppose we were focusing on the state of Rob at that point. The short spurts of happiness were all we were allowed because that's all that made sense for Taylor to recount, perhaps.

I thought of therapists while I read this. I thought of how Taylor internalized and pushed people away pretending to be noble. I read another book about being noble...I thought I was doing something good. Not everyone could do it. I thought it was...noble. What was that book?

I get that. It's hard to let yourself let people in. It just sets you up for getting hurt. I've always been very aware of that. I think I'm cheating the system by keeping an arms reach but I'm just cheating myself.

I think about how I want a therapist, but I don't want to talk to someone who can just dissociate work from friends, but I even less want someone who would be affected and hurt by my sessions.

What is that noble book? I'm checking Goodreads.

Gosh darn it. It was a fanfic. I can't believe I got back into that. It's been...maybe more than 7 years...

Leaving Paris. I can't believe I read all of those. She was pregnant but he didn't know and thought she loved someone else. *buzzer sound ehhhhh*

Gosh dang it. Now I have to wake up in four hours for church. I better not have terrible allergies when I try to sleep this time. Reading distracts me from scratching my eyes.

This is what I mean by compulsive reading. I'm not trying to romanticize it. Maybe a little deep down, but also it's clearly an issue. This is why I read so much at a time, particularly on breaks. It kind of overtakes my life.

I know that. Part of me loves that. Part of me hates it because when I turn back to society it's that much harder.

I get nervous talking to people and feel so comfortable with a book.

Anyway, 4 stars book. Better than Will Grayson, Will Grayson to me because it surprised me how enraptured I was throughout. It had a strong like 2nd part out of four. Actually, quite a strong middle, I'd just say. Seeing Taylor become friends with Lucy again was good.

I guess their world just felt so small. Partially because they were on vacation, but didn't they have any family friends before? I guess it was slightly explained that Warren and Gelsey don't have any social skills whatsoever.

I really liked that Taylor's thing wasn't being social and she sucked at public speaking to top that off. Clearly she was okay at making friends. Weird that her best ones were from summer-- I guess not. They're the ones you keep seeing EXCEPT NOT FOR FIVE VERY IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENTAL YEARS!

I hope the family is closer now. I always got nervous when Taylor had issues with her mom because...what would they do now?

Anyway, good book. Very good. Heavier that expected. I guess, not really. Just not as light as well as expected. The mystery reveal just made another part begin.

I guess it was literally split into four parts. 'Teas good. Reminded me of The Summer I Turned Pretty. The best friend and the crush that was your close friend.

I think it's fun that those two characters were screen writers and Matson went back to college for her second MFA for Screenwriting. Not her second one in secreenwriting but second MFA overall.

Blarg I should go to sleep.

05:10

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

I am a horrible blogger. Got to whip this procrastination thing. Anyway, this is StrikerS episode 17, “That Day, Section Six (part 2)”.

* Opening narration is given by Uno, who explains the objectives of the mission.  1) Neutralize TSAB Ground HQ and Section 6 as bloodlessly as possible.  2) Capture the Vessel of the Saints, and if possible the Type 0’s.  As well there are apparently 11 out of 12 Numbers taking part in the mission, plus Zest, Lutecia, and Agito.

* Reinforced Vita and Zesito clash in the air all Dragonball like.  Rein notices that the coordination of Agito and Zest isn’t actually that good, they may have been able to Unison, but they’re not very compatible with each other.  By contrast, Reinforced Vita is working out fine.

* Numbers 9 and 11 (Nove and Wendi, not sure which is which) are having trouble in the tunnels once Tea throws out her illusions and Caro supplies the buffs.  They get knocked down, and four identical groups of the kids race down the various branches of the tunnels to escape.

* Another Number calls them up for assistance, as she’s fighting “the other Type 0”, who is Ginga.

* Nanoha and Fate meet up with both the kids and Sister Schach.  They brief each other on what’s going on and Devices are handed over. They try to contact the Long Arch, and find out it’s under attack by gadgets.  Can’t get a hold of Ginga either.  The team splits again to take care of the various situations.

* Shamal and Zafira try to defend the base, but they’re slightly ludicrously outnumbered.  And while normally gadgets wouldn’t be that big of a threat, throwing a couple of the far tougher and actually thought-capable Numbers in there makes it a bit more tricky.

* Well somebody’s a Star Wars fangirl.  Also, is that an actual male member of the Numbers, or just one that’s sufficiently tomboy?

* Huh, apparently Hayate can sense when her knights get taken down.  Also, apparently Shamal and Zefira are down and out.

* Vice is doing his best to protect the non-combatants in the Long Arch with an RH-type Device, which he holds like a rifle.

* Fate and her kids fly to reinforce their base but get stopped by yet two more Numbers.  Fate orders Caro and Erio to proceed while she deals with these two.  Erio at least agrees, as he figures she can’t fight to her fullest with them getting in the way.  And while normally I roll my eyes at that, this is an aerial battle and neither he nor Caro can fly on their own, they’re having to ride Fried.  That’s not a minor consideration.

* Zest decides to retreat when he senses Signum coming to help out, and Agito is pissed.  So pissed she breaks the Unison so she can launch a huge fireball on her own.  Reinforced Vita zooms over to stop her, only for Zest to fire himself at them like a bullet and smash Graf Eisen to pieces.  Vita is knocked out of Unison and sent flying, with Rein unconscious. Welp, he’s gotta pay for that one. NOBODY HURTS THE MOST ADORABLE DEVICE IN EXISTENCE.  AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE HAMMER.  I’M NOT SURE THAT GRAF EISEN WOULD WANT TO BE CONSIDERED ADORABLE. MAYBE HE DOES, I DUNNO.

* Subaru races on ahead of Nanoha and Tea to Ginga’s position, only to find Wendi, Nove, and a 3rd Number I don’t know with a large box they’re about to shove a bloody and broken Ginga into.  There’s a bit of silence as they all stare at each other in shock.

* Then Subaru’s eyes go all yellow and mechanical as she does a screaming powerup.  Seriously, I’m surprised Dragonball Super didn’t take some inspiration from this show for the universe of magical girls.

* Subaru ignores the shots that are bloodying her as she speeds forward and smashes the Number’s skater, though the force of the blows she’s giving isn’t very good for her Devices. The other Number, Cinque, tells the other two to get out of there while she holds the berserk cyborg Subaru off.

* I wonder what the freakier image is, Cinque lying on the ground with her one eye all staticy, or Subaru having a chunk of her arm missing from the counter attack, revealing the mechanical parts where her bones should be, and yet she’s still screaming and advancing.

* Sein arrives to phase Cinque out of there, much to the one-eye’d Number’s relief.  Pretty sure she was convinced Subaru was going to flat out kill her.  I’m halfway convinced Subaru was going to kill her.

* With her target gone Subaru’s device breaks down, and Subaru is reduced to a crying wreck as Nanoha and Tea find her.

* Over in the burning wreckage of the Long Arch Griffith receives a report that all systems are down at this point.  Elsewhere on base Vice has done a good job of blasting gadgets but has a flashback when Lutecia steps out.

* Oh man, I hope this ain’t going where I think it is.

* Well, uh, the rifle fired a beam so there’s a chance the shot was non-lethal.  On the other hand when Vice missed the shot he accidentally shot that girl in the eye.

* This episode is just full of body horror, isn’t it?

* Anyway, Vice is triggered in a big way and puts up no defense as Lutecia blasts him aside.

* The personnel of Section 6 are down, and Lutecia and Garyu have their target, VIvio.

* Caro and Erio arrive just in time to see them flying off with Vivio, which means it’s time for Erio’s own flashback.  One of him being dragged away from his parents by men in suits, one of whom smugly explains to the upset couple that they know for a fact that “Erio Mondial” died of illness, and this boy is just a clone.

* Back in the present Erio is now officially pissed at seeing a girl being dragged away from her home, and orders his Device into it’s second from, giving the spear rocket boosters.

* Erio, might not be able to fly on his own, but a rocket spear can still take you far.  Too bad those Numbers were still around to beat him down into the ocean.

* Fate tries to grill her opponents on Jail’s location.  The two don’t understand why Fate is so opposed to the Doc, as he’s the one that established the framework for Project Fate.  In a way he’s like Fate’s dad.  Yeah… if that’s the case he’s the deadbeat who basically just acted like a proverbial sperm-donor and is behind over a decade’s worth of child support. Anyway, the two teleport away promising that Fate won’t be able to beat them next time.

* Over at the Long Arch Uno broadcasts the fact that the complete destruction of the facility will begin in 5 minutes, but they’re not going to prevent anybody from evacuating.  Never mind all of the people who are unconscious in there.

* Caro has fished Erio out of the water, and is tearing up, questioning why this is happening.  Then she stands up and casts Dragon Mount Summon, calling for a being called Voltaire.

* …That’s a big dragon.

* Caro screams not to destroy their home as Voltaire gets to work on the gadgets.

* Back over at Ground HQ Jail has popped up on the vid screen to gloat and claim this was due to TSAB oppression with things like “peace” and “keeping the world destroying artifacts out of the hands of people who wanna press the shiny button”.  But hey, he isn’t interested in mindless killing, and if they ever wat his tech he’ll be sure to give them a good deal!  Then he evil laughs, because the guy is nuttier than squirrel poo.

* Carim is depressed that they couldn’t prevent the prophecy, but Hayate claims that Section 6 isn’t finished yet.  The camera disagrees, using a shot of Vivio’s bunny burning to close out the episode.

 Well, that’s it for that one.  This had a whole lot of revelations and some pretty unsettling imagery in it.  It was also an unquestionable win for Team Evil. But anyway, as for those revelations. While Subaru and Ginga being cyborgs is something that could have been figured out before the official reveal, the sight of Subaru actually going cyborg was pretty freaky.  And even more so was the sight of her flesh being torn from her mechanical arm.  Really, the episode did not skimp on the blood in this one. Although Ginga and Subaru being cyborgs makes me wonder about some of the more practical aspects.  Like, obviously the girls grew as they got older. Did they get replacement parts occasionally during those “special check-ups” to try and bring them up to speed to the size their bodies should be at that age?  Or did the nanomachines that were mentioned as being a part of creating a combat cyborg give them something close to a normal human rate of “bone” growth? Either one seems like it could be ludicrously complicated, with having to deal with needing to rapidly grow the flesh if they’re providing bigger parts every so often, or the nanomachines having to partially deconstruct and then reconstruct the mechanisms of their limbs to appropriately increase size as needed.  Talk about growing pains…

 Anyway, with regards to Erio it was actually a surprise to see that his parents didn’t kick him out.  I figured it would have been like Fate’s situation with the parents coming to resent the clone.  And while it might have gotten to that point eventually, when he got taken away, well, it hadn’t.  Which makes me wonder why he was taken in the first place.  Just who were the ones who took him in the first place?  If they were acting in an official capacity, that would imply that just making a clone is seen as enough to fetch the Midchildian equivalent of the CPA on you.  Which kinda backfired in this case given that Erio obviously was abandoned later on when Fate came by to take him in.

 And finally there’s the revelation about Vice.  With something like that it makes sense that he retired as a combatant.  Yeah, I can’t imagine the kind of mental trauma that could result from accidentally shooting a little girl in the eye.  It makes me wonder how good the therapists are in the TSAB. Because he obviously needed them at some point.

[claricetopper7-blog]

Stepmother Wedding ceremony Etiquette.

That's incredibly important to know the various kinds of foods they must take in when it comes to children. Due to the time She has actually created adequate development (and also oversights) to truly understand what She is actually carrying out, She will certainly be actually the Mama. It is actually satisfactory if the stepmother has a spot in the accepting line and the mother is not there if the mama throws the wedding event as well as the papa holds the function. Hereafter strategy had actually been actually followed for a couple of days, the mom became lackadaisical as well as got rid of to sleep in the daytime; and headach, being thirsty, a hot skin layer, as a matter of fact, fever supervened; the milk diminished wholesale, as well as, for the very first time, the belly and innards of the child became disordered. Operate by three American lawyers, John Hinderaker, Scott Johnson, as well as Paul Mirengoff, Power Line is actually a prominent blog post that shows a comprehensive as well as right-of-centre take on a few of today's very most pressing concerns in the political activity. He was regularly oversexed, being eighteen, and also his dreams always featured his mommy being his sex-related submissive as well as obeying his every purchase, the method he supposed she provided for his father in the bed room when he lived. Cassidy and her mother go observe a diminish or as Cassidy's mommy names him, Exercises-17.Info a family therapist. My mother would like to secure me off the planet and real world conditions for so long as she could, however my father wanted me to discover how to survive as well as flourish worldwide around me. Mommy felt this would deliver me a more pleased childhood to shield me from the dangers of the real life outside our house. It was throbbing as well as very hot as well as I put my practical her breasts over the maxi she wore. This has found limited usage because the 1970s, but has lately ended up being popular along with teens as well as the praise lifestyle. Another form of competition, speedy consuming competitions, also occurred nationwide, including one for hotdogs in Coney Isle in Brooklyn, which was shown live on nationwide tv. There is still the odds that a person's mama is actually still causing them issues, and yet one does not must still be in contact along with her either. Unfortunately, although the koala was uninjured, Brister mentioned the animal was actually a lactating mother which suggested her joey - the term for infant marsupials - was skipping. You have to be actually really careful, having said that, to create my bed in the proper way, for I desire you regularly to shake it completely, in order that the plumes take flight about; after that they claim, down there on earth, that it is snowing; for I am actually Mom Holle.' The outdated woman talked so kindly, that the woman summoned up guts and also agreed to take part in her company. Our experts find out that Victoria's mom is a rather woman who uses her great hope to appeal males for their loan. A big gust from wind unexpectedly came and also induced the hot air balloon to be pushed off to the opposite. Rebekah's splendid trainings as a mother are actually, like the girls before her, reveal with the everyday lives of her little ones. Some normal functions from day-to-day lifestyle may result in hot flashes to strike women in early pregnancy. You have to be actually completely honest with her in requards concerning what occurred between her mommy as well as you. Little ones which get in excess from help end up wrecked through this and undergo their lifestyle foreseing the planet to be as understanding as their mom as well as dad were actually. While this could hold true in some instances, if you want to do a little of excavating there are actually lots of single mother education grants out there that can aid you in purchasing your learning so you can afford to visit institution and also deal with your family members.

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/mariah-carey-diva-cuts-ways-plus-lionel-richie-ready-idol/

Mariah Carey diva cuts both ways plus Lionel Richie ready for Idol

Once again, superstar songstress Mariah Carey is getting called out for her infamous diva-esque behavior. According to recent reports, Mariah was supposed to do a cameo in the comedy film The House, which stars several big name actors, including Amy Poehler and Will Ferrell. However, when Mariah arrived on set, her unreasonable demands and behavior wound up getting her cut from the film altogether. While promoting the movie, which will be hitting US theaters on June 30th, several of the film’s stars have shared some details about the unbelievable experience they had “working” with Mariah on-set. Earlier last week, star Will Ferrell appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers where he revealed some of the reason Mariah was cut from the movie. Will explained, “There were suggestions that weren’t executed. [Mariah] was on our set, and, um, things happened. Things happened and didn’t happen. Let’s just put it this way: At about midnight, I got a knock on my trailer and [they said to me], ‘you can just go home. We’re not going to get to you.’” Although Will didn’t spill too much during his interview with Seth Meyers, Will’s co-star Cedric Yarbrough gave a much more in-depth depiction of what went down between Mariah and The House crew. In a Facebook post, Cedric ranted, “Okay since Will Ferrell is talking, I’ma talk-ing. Yeah, a real funny cameo was SUPPOSED to happen in the new film [The House] with the superstar Mariah Carey. But it was ruined by superstar Mariah Carey.” Cedric went on to explain, “When Mariah finally showed up [to set] she refused to match the stunt. ‘Darling, I would never do it that way…’ I heard her say those exact words. She then requested a large fan for her hair to be blown around and a camera that would be above her, basically a crane shot…this lady was unprofessional and borderline abusive to our director, who tried his best to appease her ever wish.” You can catch The House, sans Mariah Carey cameo, when it hits theaters on June 30th, 2017. With the ABC reboot of American Idol underway, the network is frantically trying to find the perfect panel of superstar judges. While they already have singer Katy Perry onboard, the production crew is reportedly eyeing crooner Lionel Richie to join on as well. According to media outlet TMZ, Lionel went in to meet with the American Idol producers earlier last week. At the meeting, they discussed the possibility of Lionel acting as a judge for the reality show reboot. Sources close to the show’s crew told TMZ that the producers very much liked Lionel’s “vibe” and think he would be a perfect fit for the show. Further, the American Idol executives reportedly think Lionel would take on the role of the “nice” judge, which leads one to believe that the next celebrity judge they bring on will have to be more of a tough, Simon Cowell-type. At this point, nothing serious has been negotiated between Lionel and the American Idol producers. However, after the ABC executives seal the deal with Ryan Seacrest, who is planned to join back as the show’s host, they are going to start looking at what dollar amount they are willing to offer to get Mr. Richie onboard. With Perry's upbeat statement and Richie - whose daughters Nicole, 35, and Sofia, 18, are celebrities themselves - known as an all-around nice guy, it was not immediately clear if the judges were looking for a brash and blunt judge in the vein of Simon Cowell, the outlet reported. The former Commodores member's potential deal remains in limbo, the outlet reported, until producers finalize their arrangement from the show's host Ryan Seacrest. The sticking point in the negotiation for Seacrest - who's agreed to a payday in the range of $10-15 million - boils down to Seacrest's request for executive producer status in addition to his on-air duties. Stay tuned for more details about the ABC reboot of American Idol! Lady Gaga, a longtime supporter of gay rights, says Pride weekend is a time to shine a light on equality. "This weekend is a time for us all to reflect on the importance of tolerance and the importance of bravery and kindness, (and) the importance of us supporting one another," the pop star said in an interview with The Associated Press on Friday. The pride parade in New York City, Gaga's hometown, kicks off Sunday. The Grammy-winning performer, like Madonna, Cher, and others before her, has a strong gay fan base who credits the singer with pushing gay rights to the forefront. Gaga said she's touched to witness the "beautiful pride that I see so many of friends and the LGBTQ community have." "It's a beautiful pride that we all should be in awe of," she added. Sunday's parade in Manhattan, which starts on Fifth Avenue, ends in the West Village. Sportscaster Erin Andrews and former NHL player Jarret Stoll have tied the knot. Publicists for Andrews confirm that the 39-year-old Fox Sports sideline reporter and "Dancing with the Stars" co-host married Stoll on Saturday, his 35th birthday. People magazine first reported the nuptials. According to the magazine, the wedding was held at sunset in Montana in front of a small group of family and friends. Andrews wore a gown designed by Carolina Herrera. The couple, who started dating in 2012, got engaged in December at Disneyland. The wedding follows a rocky year for Andrews. In September 2016, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, months after winning a stalking lawsuit. She settled with two hotel companies that were found partially to blame for the stalker, who got a hotel room next to hers and posted a nude video of her on the internet. Stoll played in the NHL for 13 years, for Edmonton, Los Angeles, Minnesota and the New York Rangers. About a week ago, singer Katy Perry publicly announced that she was willing to forgive and forget all the drama between her and longtime rival Taylor Swift. Unfortunately, a recent development in the feud, outside of Katy’s control, is working against her attempt to reconcile with the 1989 artist. Back in early March, 29-year-old obsessed fan Mohammed Jaffar was arrested after being charged with stalking Taylor. Newly released documents relating to Mohammed’s arrest detail that the fan had told investigators that his stalking of Miss Swift was at the hand of Katy Perry herself. At one point in his interview, Mohammed blatantly claimed, “I’m in the music world and get people started. I do work for Katy Perry. I helped her get started.” He went on to say that he was currently working for Katy and that he had “ties with the industry.” While there is no evidence to back Mohammed’s claims that he was somehow working alongside Katy when he was obsessively stalking Taylor, his comments to his interviewers nonetheless add to the already palpable tension between Katy and Taylor. Fortunately, Mohammed is now under the watch of law enforcement, as his behavior towards Taylor was deemed unsafe. Prior to his arrest, Mohammed was accused of sneaking onto the roof of Taylor’s $20 million penthouse in New York, as well as allegedly calling her management company over 59 times, trying to reach Taylor to discuss “business deals.”   While all of the media reports these days involving the Bachelor franchise are about the Bachelor in Paradise drama, there are other things going within the franchise and its alum. In fact, one couple that paired up on Bachelor in Paradise reportedly just tied the knot! According to E! Online, former Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants Evan Bass and Carly Waddell said their “I dos” this past weekend. Reports say that the duo exchanged vows at a low-key beach ceremony in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. In addition, Bachelor host Chris Harrison was there to officiate the wedding. Inevitably, plenty of fellow Bachelor alumni were present for Evan and Carly’s big day. Some of the notable guests at the wedding included Kaitlyn Bristowe, Nick Viall, and Vanessa Grimaldi. Early on Saturday, Evan shared an intimate picture of him and Carly on his Instagram feed. Alongside a picture of them staring lovingly at each other, the former Bachelorette contestant captioned,  “I love love.” Evan Bass, Instagram post: While they have been engaged for several months now, Carly and Evan’s lifelong commitment to their relationship still comes as a surprise to many fans. During season 3 of Bachelor in Paradise, it took quite a while for Carly to warm up to the idea that she would pair off with Evan. However, the two are now happily in love and currently live in Nashville with Evan’s three sons. First, it was Miley Cyrus, then it was Katy Perry and now its Girls creator Lena Dunham opting to chop off her locks. On Monday, Lena took to her social media account to share her latest ‘do with fans and followers. The often-controversial starlet showed off her shockingly different look, as she went for a style very similar to that of Katy Perry (think Ellen DeGeneres-esque). On her Instagram page, Lena shared a photo of her holding her chopped off hair. Alongside the photo, the star captioned, “Didn’t make it to Locks of Love length but if ya’ll are considering a cut and have a 10 in pony tail I urge you.” Lena Dunham, Instagram post: The actress also showed off a selfie of her and her new look. Jokingly she captioned the picture, “Your mom’s therapist friend she leaves your dad for.” Lena Dunham, Instagram post: Unfortunately, Lena has been struggling with health issues recently. In fact, the star was rushed off to the hospital at this year’s Met Gala. It is believed that her health scare was related to the condition endometriosis, which she has been openly battling for several years now. Seeing that we are now kicking off the summer season, Lena picked the perfect time to go for a lighter, more easily managed hair ‘do.   In case you somehow missed it, Kim Kardashian has been busy on social media promoting her upcoming beauty line. The star is joining the likes of her younger sister Kylie and releasing a series of beauty products under her line “KKW Beauty.” A few days ago, Kim shared a bunch of photos from her first promotional campaign for the new cosmetic line. Unfortunately, her photos did not get the response she was hoping for from fans. In fact, the star was accused of sporting “black face,” as she was noticeably darker than usual in her promotional photos. In an attempt to defend herself and save face, Kim did an exclusive with The New York Times to kick off the week. While discussing her noticeably darker skin tone in her newly released pics, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star told the interviewer, “I would obviously never want to offend anyone. I used an amazing photographer and a team of people. I was really tan when we shot the images and it might be that the contrast was off. But I showed the image to many people, to many in the business. No one brought that to our attention. No one mentioned it.” Later in the interview, Kim went on to acknowledge her understanding of the backlash and admitted to learning from her recent “black face” controversy. The Armenian beauty noted, “Of course, I have the utmost respect for why people might feel the way they did. But we made the necessary changes to that photo and the rest of the photos. We saw the problem, and we adapted and changed right away. Definitely, I have learned from it.” Inevitably, Kim went on to post a bunch more - modified - promotional shots in anticipation of her beauty line’s upcoming release. KKW Beauty launched on June 21, 2017. After a ton of hype, Kim Kardashian West’s new beauty line, KKW Beauty, launched on Wednesday morning — and to no surprise, some shades were sold out in minutes, bringing in millions for the star. But contrary to the expectations of KarJenner beauty product fanatics (er, Kylie Cosmetics shoppers), the line was actually available — and easy to purchase — for more than just a few minutes, without the website crashing. At 12 minutes into the shopping experience, Kardashian tweeted to confirm that the medium shade was the first to sell out, as the light went next and dark and deep dark remained over an hour later. And while Kardashian’s first drop didn’t sell out nearly as quickly as her sister Kylie Jenner’s original lip kit launch, that just means Jenner’s growing pains are helping her sister out. https://twitter.com/KimKardashian/status/877572167596072961 When Jenner launched her original collection of lip kits back in 2015, the star’s products were sold out in a mere 30 seconds, with customers waiting unsuccessfully for successful access to the checkout page of their dreams. She also dealt with shipments being sent empty, and faulty brushes. But with Jenner’s continued launches, the process became smoother, with fewer sellouts, broken page, and product mishaps as she addressed the issues. Now, with the same tactics in mind, Kardashian stocked the site with 300,000 products, according to Money — enough for those who set their alarms for the 9 am PST launch — and while some customers had trouble getting onto the page, most twitter users have been sharing their KKW purchase success stories. And for those on social media speculating a sibling beauty rivalry between Kim and Kylie, they’ve supported each other all along. Case in point: Kylie’s lip kit collaboration with Kim was, in fact, a preview of KKW Beauty. The products all included the title “KKW By Kylie Cosmetics,” written in Kim’s new signature font, and they were all packaged in her dusty rose aesthetic to match the line.

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