#she already is dealing with postpartum depression but on top of that it was a traumatic life threatening birth

[dragpinkman]

wish i lived near family still right about now

[ya-boi-haru]

Sharing my Fable Coffee Shop AU plot lines I had cause - let's be real - it's not getting written any time soon, partially due to time and motivation, but also I like to do my homework before I write something like this, so it was tricky to determine if some of the things that happen... were even a thing that *can* happen like this...

Here's a link to some old headcannons about it: Link Here

It wasn't all finished, some parts/arcs/characters obviously missing or not done but...

I believe I called it something like: "The Longer You Brew, The Bitter It Tastes"

• Fable owned a coffee shop (Gilded Cafe), but one of those super fancy, high priced ones, with over the top looking desserts and high name fancy brand ingredients.

• Rae and Icarus grew up together and grew to live the cafe. Icarus was meant to inherit it, but they wanted to pursue their own career in hospitality.

• Since Fable frequently left on buisness and was never really around, Rae stepped in to run the Gilded.

• Ven is one of the oldest working members there and sometimes went with Fable on his buisness trips, however it seems he hasn't been doing that recently and actually, not a lot of people have been in contact/heard from Fable.

• When Ominous Bane - I don't think I worked out a good coffee shop au equivalent of OB, but it was illegal either way - got caught, Icarus made bale though no one really knows who got them out/it was left anonymous almost instantly. Momboo had to call Kai with help to bail Easton out. Centross was left in holding the longest and Rae managed to get the money to get him out.

• Kai had moved into the area recently not only to help but to start her new business, The Sea Dragon.

• Centross ended up getting a job at The Sea Dragon, though when he applied he didn't know Kai was the owner and after an ear full of criticism and cursing out, she gave him a chance

• Athena and Jamie were saving up to open their own bakery (Flour Garden) and would leave sample sweets at other Cafes (Raes', Momboos', Icarus' etc) to see how they would do and promote their future buisness

• The Aax and Ulysses story was tricky to work into the AU, but I did have the idea of Aax coming to work for Rae at The Gilded.

• Ulysses tried to adopt Aax, but something went wrong and they were separated, only to be reunited years later.

• Caspian was The Pink Tulips (Momboos lil coffee shop) no. 1 customer until he started going to The Gilded to see Rae for their coffee

• I also didn't get around to developing Wolf much in the AU, but yes, he was a Starbucks manager

• Midas owned a nightclub (The World Port) near Icarus' Cafe and you bet they were petty rivals, even though their businesses were completely different and Icarus had oddly never even met the guy.

• When they finally met and spoke, it was odd. Midas liked them and would even talk about how good they were at what they did, but thought their talents were wasted on a, "little rented out shoebox, that seemed to hit one too many dead ends on occasions" Icarus did feel like they wanted to do something more, but they wouldn't admit it to them.

• Rae really wanted to start a Cafe in his own name and do his ideas with it. His boyfriends were obviously super supportive.

• One night, for giggles, Ghaae were spit-balling names for Raes potential new business and looking them up to make sure they weren't already taken. They tried "Morningstar Castle" and ot was taken. The owner was Isla.

- After heavy, long days and nights of consideration, Rae decided, yes, he wanted to meet her.

- When they get there though, they meet Enderien. After some heated discussions, Enderien explains that

(TW: for postpartum depression, and ideas of miscarriage)

- Isla had a terrible birth experience with Rae, she was stressed, overwhelmed and dealing with all of Fables shady bullshit. When she finally gave birth, something came over her and she was convinced she had lost the child.

- Not wanting to strain Isla anymore and not knowing if she (Enderien) was actually ready to raise these two kids, she sent Rae with his brother and they were raised by Fable.

- Eventually, Rae did get to introduce himself to Isla and they slowly explained what had happened.

• Icarus learns that Midas' buisness actually started with Fable. They were young and needed just a *little bit more help* and got a loan form Fable. Midas was now indebted to Fable and he never let them forget that. And with everything seeming to get mysteriously worse at every turn for The World Port, Midas was hanging by a thread.

• Fable managed to contact Icarus, saying he needed help with a "small favour". The favours were questionable, but Icarus wanted to help their dad.

• After finding out Icarus was in contact with Fable again, they got very upset. They broke out into a fight and in a flash moment, Midas ended shoving Icarus but they tripped back and landed on their back wrong.

• Enderien was able to shed light on the mysterious Fable situation. He was actually involved with several illegal schemes (including but not limited to: Money laundering and fraud) and had been gone for so long cause he had a sense someone was close on his trail to finding out what he had done.

• That person was Ven. Ven had realised what Fable was doing and ended up going to Enderien for help. Ultimately - with some gentle nudges in the right direction - Centross was also in on what was happening and they helped take Fable down.

• In the end, Isla and Enderien would go back to their cozy life - with of course, visits from her sons.

- Rae would refurbish the Gilded into "Wonder Cafe" and it would be a hit. Raes step-grandparents actually helped him get the buisness started

- The Flour Garden would be starting their first weeks of business

- With Fable gone, Icarus inherited/got access to *a lot* of money. They used it to buy The World Port.

- Midas was free from Fables terror and the stress of being a buisness owner. They still work at TWP and loves it. Icarus feels they found their place here. (Side note: I came up with this before the final, how tf is this more accurate than any theory I came up with!?)

So yeah, that's some plot I had! Hope you like it?

[roadtogracelandx45]

Under False Pretenses|2| Band of Brothers Mafia AU

@marycorleone

ao3

masterlist

part one

smut is this chapter, its been awhile since I have actually written a full sex scene instead of implying it.

word count: 4k

Two 

He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, every inch of him screaming out to turn the sirens on in the car and pull her over. First to haul her out of the seat and into his arms, to kiss her and apologize for listening to her grandfather. To meet his daughter, and be the man that he always was.  

When Robert Stewart approached him about leaving Olivia, he thought that he had everything that she needed, including love. Something he would assume that Robert would have wanted for his oldest and only granddaughter.

  But he was wrong, Robert had only cared about how far her relationships could get her. Much like her birth mother who Olivia cut out of her life after she found out that her daughter was in love with a barber/taxi cab driver.  The aftermath of that fight was the first time that Joe had ever heard a girl say she loved him when he wasn’t balls-deep in them and it was the first time that he said it too.   

He wanted to go back to Olivia when he had a career and had something to be proud of, he didn’t want to be coming back to her with his tail between his legs because his boss said so, but here he was. 

*

Olivia glanced in the rearview mirror,  the sedan that their normal driver Jake pointed out was following her, and her heart was in her throat. She knew that the business dealings that her family did and the ones that the Nixon family did could be why she was being followed. 

 They tried to keep her out of the loop but she knew, especially since Lewis and Dick started taking more and more on within it, they unloaded a lot on her.  This morning was almost sweet with Lewis sleepily shuffling into her bedroom and into her bed after a long meeting the night before, he wouldn’t go into details, all he wanted to was cuddle into her and watch a movie with her. 

Dick had already joined her hours before. 

“JOE!?!”  She exclaimed when her eyes meet the driver of the sedan behind her. It had been 5 years to the day since she had last seen him, her 21st birthday. “What the fuck?! Liv, you are seeing things, it's been 5 years, and he is never coming back.”  She shook her head and looked at her phone that beeped,  Lewis had texted her, another birthday message proclaiming his love for her, her pussy and tits, and her love of Vat .69.  

Everything. 

Leave it to Lewis to make her smile when she was starting to panic, he and Dick had developed an Olivia spidey sense and found one way or another to get to her. 

It was almost sweet. 

She typed a quick reply before going to the yoga studio, after giving birth to Aurora and battling postpartum depression, she had started yoga on top of therapy. It had helped but never fully healed the hurt she had from missing him. 

**

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl.” Dick greeted, a couple of hours later, stepping into Olivia’s office a few hours later, she and Lewis looked so peaceful sleeping this morning that he had  just left them to sleep. 

 “Hey, Dick.” She returned balling up a tissue in her hand and tossing it into the trash can. 

“What’s wrong?” He crossed the room and pulled her from the chair she was in and into his arms. 

“I thought I saw Joe.” 

“Leibgott?”  He forgot that she called him Joe, everyone called him by his last name but only Olivia called him, Joe.

“Yeah.” She returned with a sniffle, “I was going to the yoga studio, I swore I saw him in that piece of shit sedan that has been across the street from the house.’  Rolling his eyes frustrated, he pinched her ass causing her to yelp. He could tolerate swearing from her once in a while, mostly when she and Lewis had gotten into the Vat .69 but she was a proper southern lady, and at work at least she had to act like it. 

“It’s been 5 years honey.” He started smoothing his hand over her curls, “Today, it's not surprising you would think that.”  “Sorry, sorry, I am a mess.”  On top of the emotions that had been pent up in her about the truth about why Joe left her, and her grandfather dying, she had to agree to go off of birth control and try for another baby until her older brother James figured out a loophole to stop the whole baby for her inheritance. 

“What’s going on in here?” Lewis asked, he was making the trek to his own office and had seen his husband and wife through the window and backtracked to the door to look at them. ‘I thought I saw Joe, kind of threw  me through a loop.’ She commented as she went to pull away from Dick but he held her fast, he didn’t want her to leave his side until she was together. The last time he let her go, she ended up having a panic attack and had to be sedated. 

The dark hair man looked at Dick then at Olivia who rested her head on his chest.   Shaking his head, he put his files and coffee cup he had in his hands on her desk before hugging her from behind.  

“We looked high and low for him babe. He is gone.” He nuzzled his nose into her neck, “Gene even went to Italy remember?” 

Eugene Roe was Olivia’s best friend from the pre-med program and had come up from New Orleans to help them look for him. 

 “I know, I know.” She returned softly before clearing her throat, “Y’all need to get to your meetings. Your dad is here Lew, and I don’t want to fight with him on my birthday about you being late for your meetings.”  

Smirking, her husband nipped the flesh of her neck, “He agreed with your grandfather, he should have a grandchild with the Nixon DNA. He will forgive me if I am late for one not only comforting my wife but by fucking her too.”  Dick rolled his eyes before pressing a chaste kiss to Olivia’s mouth and forehead, “I do have to go. I will be back later to get you for lunch Lew, behave yourself.”  

“Never.” 

**

“Agent Jones, if you follow me, Mrs. Nixon is back from her lunch with Mr. Nixon and Mr. Winters.”  Alice Rogers, Olivia’s long-time assistant commented as she rose from behind the desk. Scarlett who had won out and was the one to meet with Olivia,  the woman knew the other men, and nothing would get done. And they didn’t want her to know that Joe was an agent.  “Thank you.” She said, “How long have you been working with Mrs. Nixon?” She asked. 

“Since she finished the nursing program,  girl was going places in the field but she knew she had a duty to her family and the Nixons. Raised a major fuss about it.”  The older woman answered before knocking on the door and easing it open, Olivia was standing behind the desk turned towards the ensuite bathroom talking to who Scarlett was assuming was Lewis Nixon. 

“Seriously, Lew, all through lunch Stanhope stared straight at the hickies. Could you have waited to do that until after the party tonight?” Olivia could be heard saying. And Scarlett could have jumped for join, she had wanted to scream at Liebgott that she did love her husband and that he shouldn’t expect much of anything to come from being back in her life. But of course the boys were there hyping him up about it.

He was just going to end up getting drunk and being at her apartment talking about the past and Olivia and the last thing that she wanted to do was listen to that bullshit again. 

She had heard it enough.

“Mrs. Nixon, Agent Jones of the FBI.” Alice said after clearing her throat. “Thank you Alice.” Olivia  returned, tearing her attention away from her husband to look at the agent. “Sorry, a lot of excitement around here.”

 “Yeah, my father is in town, it's Liv’s birthday today, her grandfather passed away.” Lewis rambled as he came out of the bathroom fussing with his tie. With a huff, the woman slapped his fidgeting fingers away from the tie and fixed it. 

“Just not to pick a fight until after the party tonight Aurora is thrilled that she gets to go until after dinner.” Lewis raised his eyes in a playful thought. “Lewis! Don’t you dare!” She warned, thumping his chest lightly, “do you want to break a 4 years old’s heart?” 

Scarlett shifted her weight from one foot to another, the boys were teasing Joe again about his tastes in women and Tab was telling another story about Aurora between jokes. She cleared her throat to remind them again that she was there.  

“I would never.” The man laughed before pressing his lips against Olivia’s once, then twice and then a third time before leaving the office with not so much as a backward glance at Scarlett. 

“Sorry about that.” Olivia said, pushing her bangs away from her eyes, “when his father is around he tends to get.” “Like a spoiled child?” Scarlett threw out, she had dealt with Joe when he went into a tailspin about missing Olivia and it was like having to deal with a spoiled child. 

“Exactly.” She motioned for the agent to sit across from her, “What can I help the FBI with?” 

Scarlett pushed up the glasses Stevenson insisted she wore. They hadn’t had time to bug her office and this was the easiest way to get eyes in the office. 

**

“What are you doing Joe?” Talbert asked, pushing himself away from the table top that was in the back of the van they were in. “I am going in there, this is absolutely ridiculous. I have been away from her for five years because of her grandfather,  you all know my child! That isn’t right!” 

They had all heard him say more than once that he wanted to move Olivia to San Francisco into a big old house and fill it full of little Liebgott’s.

  “We know but until a year and half ago we didn’t even know where you were.” Chuck Grant commented,  “And you were so far up Scarlett’s ass that bringing up Olivia and Aurora seemed wrong.”

 They were right, up until 6 months ago, he was in no position to hear a thing about Olivia, it hurt too much. Then one day,  Talbert, who along with Grant and George Luz, another friend they had from school, went to lunch and he saw the picture of the trio and it opened the floodgates. He learned everything about her from the last 4 and half years. “Wait until tonight,” Floyd added, “Lewis and Dick are throwing her a party, we will sneak you in. You will see and be with her again.”  

** 

Atrium of Tenafly

Olivia Nixon’s 25th birthday party 

** 

“You know she probably won’t punch your lights out if you were to go over to her and talk to her.” Grant said later that night, they were in the venue for Olivia’s birthday party and Joe didn’t want to approach her. 

“She is too well mannered in public now for that.’  Floyd started laughing from where he sat kiddie corner from him, “Your memory is failing you from that car accident Chuck.” 

Chuck had been in a bad car accident leaving the ski lodge that Lewis had rented one year and it had left him with some speech and memory issues. “She has acted like that in public more then once. And usually on Liebgott’s behalf. Remember Mallie?”  Joe pulled a face as he swallowed a drink of his whiskey, “Don’t remind me of that.”  His dark eyes found Olivia who was talking to Eugene Roe, Babe Hefferon and Bill  Guarnere, their daughter on her hip,  the little girl was completely enamoured by the latter of the trio.  

“I will be god damned.” Lewis Nixon commented as he came to a stop by the table, his eyes landing on Joe, “Livia wasn’t imagining you being back.” 

“Nix, good to see you. Taking good care of our girl?”  He returned as Floyd and George straightened up just in case they needed to get involved in a fight that was going to start brewing. They knew Liebgott and they knew Nixon and they knew how their tempers flaired when it came to Olivia.  And Lewis had a habit of becoming more hot headed when it came Aurora. 

“You never have to worry about that. Olivia and Aurora are in good hands. Dick and I take very good care of them.” 

“I am surprised that you are sober enough to realize that they are there. Last I remember, you forgot about the dinner that you were supposed to have with her grandparents and she got verbally abused for that.’

   “Take it easy fellas.” George warned, he could see that Lewis’s raised voice caught the attention of not only Dick, Harry and Kitty but that of Olivia and the group she was with. 

“This is not the time or place for this fight. I don't think Liv would ever forgive either one of you for ruining this night for her like her 21st birthday party and this is Aurora’s first party that she has been able to attend for at least a little while.”  

“Lew?” Olivia’s voice came as she came to a stop by his side, sans Aurora. The little girl was being twirled around the dance floor in her uncle Bill's arms giggling happily. 

 “Everything okay here? Hey guys.” She offered her friends a bright smile then her eyes landed on Joe. 

Her suddenly numb fingers grasped at the sleeve of her husband's jacket, “Joe.” 

 “Hey Livia.” He greeted as he stood up, her eyes trailing over her body. The shooting star tattoo with the 11:11 time  looked fresh, like the day she had gotten it.  The rose gold necklace with the small shooting star charm that he had gotten her for her last birthday they spent together was around her neck,  covering up part of the scar she had from the same car accident Chuck was in. Her tits, god those tits, looked better than he remembered. Maybe it was because of her carrying their daughter, but they looked phenomenal.

 All he wanted to do is rip off the black material that covered them and suck on them. But now wasn’t the time nor place. And judging by the look on her face it would be a long while before it happened. 

“Hey Livia! Is all you can say after 5 fucking years!” She said through clenched teeth, George and Tab were right, she wouldn’t be causing a scene not like how she used too. Mostly because of the cameras and people around. The last thing that Nixon Nitrate needed was a bad publicity event.  

“Why don’t you two go outside and talk?” Bull Randleman commented from when he was standing just behind Olivia and Lewis, “Better that way and Aurora won’t ask questions.” Her eyes darted around seeking  out the little girl who was still in Bill’s arms.  “Go ahead Livia,” Lewis said before grasping her chin between his fingers and kissing her deeply. She whined and pushed his chest to get him away from her. He had started drinking before they had left for the party and having Joe show up was going to make the situation so much worse than it needed to be. 

“Go sober up Lewis.” She returned before she walked quickly towards the propped open exit. Giving the drunk man a look, Joe followed her quickly.

“Come on Lewis, let’s get some coffee in you before you embarrass not only your husband but your wife and daughter.” Harry Welsh commented having heard everything that happened, he was one of the very few that could get through to Lewis when he was like this.

**

“It’s been 5 years.” Olivia started once the door swung shut behind him, “and all you can say is hey Livia? Do you have any idea what hell I have been through looking for you?”

 She seemed calm but he knew better, this was her way of baiting him into a trap and causing a major fight that ended up with them being in bed for a week. “I waited for 6 hours. 6 hours at the train station for you. I watched the train we had tickets for leave and two other trains come and go.”

“I am sorry Liv, I am so sorry,” he started holding up his hands showing the defeat he felt, “i didn’t want to leave you. And I have regretted it every single day since I did. Your grandfather, the right bastard he is, threatened everything. He threatened your life if I didn’t leave.”  Olivia, who had been rubbing her hands up and down her arms and pacing back and forth to keep warm, stopped in her tracks, “What?” 

Joe undid the buttons to his jacket and pulled it off before holding it out to her silently, he knew she hated being cold, that was the one of the  true southern Belle things about her, she didn’t do cold well.  

“Come on Princess, it wouldn’t be the first time you wore my jacket. I seem to remember you loved wearing my clothes.” Scowling, Olivia stepped forward and pulled her arms through the sleeves. Joe pulled it up and settled it on her shoulders.

 “He threatened to have you killed baby.” His hands stole under her the material and landed on her hips, “I couldn’t live with me being the fact that you were dead.”

  She didn’t push him away like he had thought so he pulled her  into  him, “He would have rather had his only granddaughter dead then married and in love with a lowly barber cabbie from San Francisco.”  

Tears were filling her eyes rapidly. 

“I loved,” he paused to correct himself, “love you too much to let you die.” 

“I almost did die.” She admitted softly, “I was pregnant with our child,” Joe closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, “that little girl that I was with? That’s your daughter Aurora.” He dug  his fingers into her hips and pulled her flush against him.  “I was a mess, I didn’t know what to do. I had you everyday for 3 years and we were running away to Italy to get married and then you were gone. I was alone and pregnant.” “Livia.” He started, he had heard the accounts of what happened from the boys and read the file, he didn’t want to hear from her.

 He couldn’t handle it. “You don’t have to talk about it baby. The boys filled me, Johnny said he and Pat and Harry and Kitty took turns sitting with you.”  

She nodded her head as she reached her hand to wipe the tears away, “Kitty and Pat were with me for most of the pregnancy, Johnny too. He was the one that was with me when I went to labor with Aurora.” He made a silent note to thank Johnny for stepping up and being there for Olivia. “Liv?”  Dick’s soft voice asked from the doorway,  “We need you back in here.”  “I will be right in.” She returned, cursing his timing. The tall man nodded his head and turned his back to give them privacy. “Sorry, duty calls.” His hands stole down from her waist to her ass, “I am not leaving any time soon. I am here to stay.” 

***

5 hours later

**

Joe waited in the hallway as Olivia tiptoed into the room that Lewis was passed out in to check on him and on Dick who was still sitting up with an open novel on his lap.  He couldn’t make out what they were saying but she leaned over and kissed a sleeping Lewis’s head before Dick’s lips and rejoined him in the hallway, “There’s one more stop before we can go to bed.”  

Her voice was still low, like she was afraid to wake up a grown man and cause another fight but when she walked down the hallway to another door and eased the door open, he understood, their child was asleep just feet away. 

He reached his hand up and pulled the device out of his ear and shoved it deep into his pocket, he didn’t need to hear anyone’s reactions and he was already thankful that Olivia had accidentally turned off the wire when she had straddled him on the limo ride back to the Nixon’s mansions. He didn’t want  his co-workers and Scarlett didn’t listen to him seeing his daughter for the first time up close or him and Olivia fucking like wild animals.  “Shh, it’s okay Rora, it’s just mama.’ Olivia’s voice was still soft as she smoothed her hand over the girl’s dark curls trying to soothe the little girl back to sleep. 

“Mama, love.’ The little girl mumbled sleepily as she rolled over and clutched the stuffed rabbit. “I love you, sweet girl.” She whispered as   Joe joined her and knelt on the floor next to her tears pricking his eyes. 

“This is Aurora, our daughter.”  He reached out a shaky hand and smoothed over the sleep-mussed hair and down. 

“She is,” He started pausing to clear his voice. “Perfect. She is perfect.”  She finished for him as her hand came to a rest on his forearm.  

“Yeah.” He agreed before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the side of Aurora’s head.  Olivia followed suit before rising to her feet and holding her hand out to him.  He took another glance at the little girl before taking Olivia’s proffered hand and standing up. 

She was still quiet as she led him down to the next room at the foot of another staircase that led to another floor. “This is my room.” Her normal volume was returning, “Sometimes Lew can be a little much and I need a break.”   She had released his hand and was taking steps into the room, her now free hands first undoing the zipper on her skirt and then reaching up and undoing the diamond earrings she had been wearing. 

“Fuck it.” He muttered to himself as he shut the door. As quick as he shut the door he was across the room and pulling Olivia into him by her waist, his mouth finding hers in a desperate kiss. Much like the one they had shared outside of the venue. 

The earring that had been in her hand dropped to the carpet as she reached her hands up and tangled them into his hair to pull his mouth closer to hers. 

His hands pushed the skirt down before they grasped her ass to lift her and carry her towards the bed, normally he would have been okay with fucking her against any surface in the room but it only felt right that for their first time in 5 years, it was in a bed. She pulled away from his mouth briefly to pull her top down leaving her with a black  lace strapless bra, her nipples were already hardening against the material. 

“God damn,” He muttered as she pressed another kiss to his mouth, he had dreamt about her tits and ass for years, even when he was fucking Scarlett, it was Olivia that he saw. His knees bumped against the end of the bed and he dropped her onto it. She yelped in surprise before she pushed herself up on her elbows, her eyes that were heavy with arousal never left his form as he pulled his shirt off, followed by his slacks. 

He smirked when her tongue darted out and licked her dry lips when her eyes landed on his crotch. The tip of his cock was starting to peek out of the top of his briefs and he almost thought about teasing her but the need to be inside of her was starting to be too much.

“Joe.” She whined softly pressing her thighs together trying to hide her arousal from him.  

“What is it princess?” He asked as he pushed his briefs down and off.  

“Don’t tease.” He clicked his tongue and moved to kneel on the bed, his hands forcing her knees open so he could settle between them.

 “Missed me, baby?” His fingers quickly made a path down her thigh to the wet spot on her thong. She whined in answer. 

“Use your words, baby.” He ordered dragging two fingers over the wet spot and biting back a groan.  “Joe, please.”  He clicked his tongue again and pressed his fingers against her, this time groaning in pleasure. 

She was wetter than he remembered. 

“Daddy please.” He smirked and pushed the lacy material of the thong aside, he leaned over her and captured her mouth with his before gripping his cock in his hand and rubbing it against her pussy. “Look at me.” He demanded pressing his forehead against hers. Her eyes flew open and met his and he smirked, keeping eye contact he pushed his cock into her welcoming pussy. 

“Fuck Livvy, you feel better than I remember.” 

His statement came out in almost a moan and Olivia dropped her hand down to the one that was gripping her hip, the fingertips ghosted over his flesh to his fingers and interlocked them together. In an effort to keep herself quiet, she strained her neck up and fused their mouths together. Not breaking the kiss, Joe started moving his hips slowly, pulling and pushing back into her.

 “God damn I missed you.” He panted against her mouth, his own voice quiet. It was almost like being back in college in the shared dorm room with Talbert asleep in the bunk above him, he knew that he wasn’t going to last long the first time around and he was okay with that, he just wanted her.

 “Missed you too.” She mumbled breathlessly, “fuck Joe, missed you and your big cock.” He reached his thumb down between their bodies and pressed it against her clit causing a sharp cry to escape her, he paused briefly to make sure Dick or Lewis didn’t come rushing into the room or that she didn’t wake up Aurora. 

“Shh baby, we don’t want the husbands to come in and see me fucking their nasty slutty wife.” She whined again and sank her teeth into his shoulder, to keep her moans to quiet. Her walls had contracted around him tightly and he groaned, “5 years later and you are still my naughty little slut hmm? I bet you only act like this for me.” Her muted whimper was enough answer for him. “Only yours. Only yours Joe.”  He pushed himself deeper into her as she came around him, “Fucking love you,” He started cumming in her as she started come down from her orgasm, “ never leaving you again.”

“Promise?” 

[inawickedlittletown]

The Blackout Arc - 9-1-1 Thoughts/Meta

I love the 9-1-1 structure of starting seasons with a big emergency/disaster and I didn’t want to write anything up until the whole arc was complete. I think they had a lot up in the air from the get go and that for the first two episodes the storylines were split in a way that gave nuance to the pace of the story and that allowed us to reconnect with all of the characters and everything they’ve been going through. They were well balanced so that even when some part of the story fell flat or wasn’t as interesting other parts picked it up. The blackout made for a good background for these three episodes, but I do think that by the third episode it doesn’t much matter that the lights are out. 

We got a focus on Eddie in these three episodes. I found using panic attacks to introduce Eddie’s concern about his relationship with Ana fascinating because out of all the characters, Eddie is not the one that we would ever expect to panic and yet he does and it isn’t about the numerous things he’s been through. It brings us back to the root of all of Eddie’s difficulties. After all, it was the loss of Shannon that once put him onto street fighting. For Eddie who was in the Army, situations where he could get injured or where he does get injured do not phase him, but the emotional things (for someone as repressed as him) that’s where he can’t handle it. 

The Ana/Eddie relationship has always been portrayed in a way that didn’t endear it to the viewer. Not enough interaction between them, them moving too fast, and Christopher’s involvement. Last season Eddie was already told by Carla that it shouldn’t all be about Chris. And I think that was the moment when Eddie started to really realize that his feelings for Ana were not as strong. But as for Ana, she was jumping right on in and look I didn’t like her because her character just wasn’t developed at all, but I think what the writers did manage to nail was her emotional investment both with Christopher and with Eddie and yet we also see that she’s smart and she can tell that Eddie isn’t all in. 

I loved the focus that this also placed on Buck while Buck is trying to figure out what happened to Eddie. Their conversations have been so vital and important and I think Eddie needed Buck to say it for him to realize that things couldn’t keep going the way they were between him and Ana. Not just because Eddie is having so many issues with it, but because to continue it on would make it so much harder on everyone involved. Ana and Christopher included.  

The other large storyline is of course Athena’s. And it is the weakest. The least interesting, and the most infuriating. The problem is that it works so hard to make cops the good guys. And as fun as it is to watch Athena be the boss ass bitch that she is, it rubs the wrong way all throughout 5.01 and 5.02. By the time that we arrive at 5.03 it’s already tiring and made worse by having most of the episode be dedicated to finishing that up. Using the autonomous zone and having Athena pretend to not be a cop to get in is all kinds of wrong too especially since this is all painted in a way that makes her actions alright because her son was kidnapped. On top of that there are parts of this storyline that are flimsy and hand-wavy such as a detective being missing for four days before anyone realized. 

The third thing that comes into focus is Maddie and her postpartum depression. It plays a smaller role in the three episodes and yet every moment is heartbreaking. And it is just such a powerful and important arc because postpartum depression is real and it isn’t easy to handle and we’ve seen Maddie in the depths of that from the start of the season. How inefficient she feels as a mother and how tired she feels as a person is so palpable and while I was surprised at her decision to leave, I completely understand. She is not fully mentally there to make good choices and yet her choice is an act of love. Love for herself. Love for her baby. In her head she doesn’t believe that she is the best thing for Jee-Yun because of what happened with the tub and how out of it she is, and maybe she’s right in thinking that in her mental state she might make a fatal mistake. I cannot fault her for taking that step back for those reasons. And I hope she’s going somewhere to get help and get better and that when she returns Chim won’t be too hard on her despite how much this has hurt him. We have to remember that Maddie has had such a traumatic life from the way she was raised to her relationship with Doug and everything that came of that and who knows how much of that plays into her depression. 

I want to lastly touch on Buck and Taylor. We didn’t see much of them together, which I guess makes sense because they’re both busy with their jobs, but in the one scene where they are together Taylor’s mind is not there with Buck. When Buck finally goes home once the blackout is over, he arrives to an empty apartment and Taylor is on his screen instead of with him. I just wonder at the investment that both Buck and Taylor are putting into it, if any. 

Overall I really enjoyed the three episode arc. The blackout was a setting that worked really well both as a metaphor and as a way to make things more interesting for everyone involved. It forced all of the 118 to stay at the station, and it made the few calls we saw them go on all that more interesting. I do think there was too much focus on the rapist and Athena but I’m also glad to be past that as the season continues although I’m sure we might see Harry, Athena, and possibly even Bobby dealing with some trauma of that in the aftermath.

[arahactually]

sleepover asks bc it's 2.30 am and i can't sleep: 5 things you want to see in s5

also: top 5 eddie diaz centric fics

wheeew this took a while because of the fic recs (you probably already fell asleep lmao sorry)

okay so 5 things i’d like to see in s5:

- eddie having a proper recovery arc reflecting on his time in the army, touching on dealing with ptsd and physical therapy

- maddie having a proper arc regarding postpartum depression and chimney being there for her as he always is while she recovers

- uncle buck!! i need to see him and jee interact (also uncle albert!!)

- them showing eddie breaking up with ana or having detailed discussions about the whys if it happens between the two seasons (i want eddie to be the one breaking up with her because he realises what HE wants and needs!)

- christmas episode with the firefam (i deeply missed it this season😭 i understand we only had limited time due to there only being 14 episodes but i wanted those fluffy firefam scenes so i’m a tiny bit bitter about that)

as for 5 eddie diaz centric fics!!

okay so i hope these are the kind of fics you meant? also i have too many to choose just 5 tbh so i went with 5 i love! :) ❤️

unfold me (tell me you love me) by @extasiswings

Until The Dancing Ends by suyari

Frequent Flyer by @redtooblack

the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies

hypertense by @thisissirius

sleepover weekend 🛌🍿

[ellelans]

Hi, I know this is so random but your thoughts are much appreciated. I think Maddie is depressed after having the baby and having second thoughts. What do you think is gonna happen with her? The synopsis for the next ep said she will make a big decision... I'm afraid...

I very much agree with you nonnie-I do believe Maddie is dealing with postpartum depression and its heartbreaking to see her like that.I don't know if you saw some of my tags,but I have personal experience with PPD as I know several women who went through it including one of my best friends after she had her oldest daughter.Her case was pretty severe so it kinda hits home a bit.Anyways back to Maddie-does she have second thoughts?Not about having a child imo,but I am sure she is struggling with fears and self-worth issues on top of being absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally.And rn she is still probably thinking that its all fine and she just needs Jee to stop crying so she can rest a bit and also trying to handle it on her own.Chim already noticed that something is going on with her and we will see more of that next week.

Maddie's big decision should be seeking professional medical help asap and imo that is exactly what will happen on the show.911 is excellent when it comes to showing rl solutions to problems and they are big fans of therapy so I won't be surprised to see Maddie in group therapy,for example.I am sure she will be fine,she went through so much in her life and she made it through and now Maddie has a loving partner who will do anything to help her-Chim will be there for her while she is getting better.

[cuthian]

Dancing in the Rain Chapter Four

Hi everyone!

Hope you're all still safe and healthy :)

Longer chapter this week, since it'll have to last you two weeks. I won't be able to post again next week due to my busy and hectic exam and work schedule now that everything is opening again here in Belgium. As always, but especially from hereon out, PLEASE mind the tags (canon-typical violence, kidnapping, angst) and if you have any concerns, please feel free to contact me (@cuthian on Tumblr).

Or yell at me in the comments.

As always, much thanks to @juulna for putting up with me and helping me whip this thing into shape.

Lots of love, Annaelle

Chapter Four

28 CELEBRITIES WHO HAVE OPENED UP ABOUT THEIR STRUGGLES WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

-        Research shows that stereotypes about mental illness often prevent people from seeking treatment or speaking out about their struggles.

-        In recent years, stars like Sophie Turner, Chrissy Teigen, Demi Lovato and Prince Harry have spoken candidly about their struggles with mental illness.

Despite the prevalence and global impact of mental health conditions, it’s still hard to open up and ask for help when you most need it. Research shows that harmful stereotypes about mental illness often prevent people from seeking treatment or speaking out at all.

Luckily, in recent years, we’ve seen a shift in the way people view and talk about mental health conversations about depression, anxiety, addiction and more have moved from the private to the public sphere. That’s not only important, but effective, according to mental health experts. In fact, when public figures open up about their own mental health struggles, it can help break down stigma, spark important discussions and even inspire people to seek out treatment.

Below, we’ve rounded up 28 celebrities who’ve spoken candidly about their own battles with everything from postpartum depression to anorexia and PTSD.

[…]

Prince Harry spoke to a therapist about his mental health after two years of "total chaos" in his late twenties.

[…] recently revealed he felt very close to a complete breakdown all the time, and faced anxiety during royal engagements before he finally began to see a professional to address his grief. Now “in a good place”, Harry has encouraged others to open up about their own struggles.

[…] started the Heads Together campaign with Prince William and Kate Middleton to help “end the stigma around mental health issues.” […] "The experience that I have is that once you start talking about it, you suddenly realize that actually, you're part of quite a big club," he told The Telegraph.

[…]

An outspoken advocate for mental health awareness, Demi Lovato is open about her battles with bipolar disorder, bulimia, and addiction.

[…] recently released a documentary about her own struggles, shared powerful side-by-side photos of her recovery from bulimia and entered rehab to address her substance abuse issues. "It's very important we create conversations, we take away the stigma, and that we stand up for ourselves if we're dealing with the symptoms of a mental illness," Lovato told Variety in February.

The singer continued: "It is possible to live well and thrive with a mental illness."

Steve Rogers, or Captain America, who struggles with social anxiety, depression and PTSD, once said he suffers from "a noisy brain."

[…] interview with Ellen earlier this year, the former Army Captain and Avenger revealed how his anxiety often kicks in when he is asked to speak for causes he cares about, or during press conferences. […] Rogers, who has tried everything from meditation with fellow-Avenger Bruce Banner to learning several new fighting styles with close friend Natasha Romanoff, said he’s “getting better”, but still has moments of self-doubt.

[…] Avenger also opened up about his struggles with depression shortly after he was woken from the ice. “The kindness that was shown to me by my friends—my team—as well as my family and my therapists saved my life,” he told Ellen. […] also shared an emotional letter about his PTSD following his experiences during World War II and during the several battles he has fought in the 21st century.

"There is a lot of shame attached to mental illness, but it's important that you know that there is hope and a chance for recovery," he wrote.

—Evan Agostini, Axelle Bauer-Griffin, “28 Celebrities Who Opened Up About Their Struggles with Mental Illness”, Insider.com, March 2016

-----------------

Avengers Tower, New York, Manhattan, New York State, United States of America

10:36 p.m., 2 April 2016

Tony

Tony was shaking a little, fidgeting, his heart beating unsteadily in his chest as he paced the floor again. He’d been hiding in his lab since this morning, because while he loved Pepper to pieces, and he was elated—re: terrified—that she was pregnant and that they were going to be parents, she was driving him fucking nuts.

At least while he was in his lab, he wouldn’t be shouted at for eating the last Oreo’s.

Pepper didn’t even like Oreos.

She didn’t even want to eat them.

Tony didn’t understand pregnancy brain, but he’d been informed by Google, J.A.R.V.I.S., Rhodey, and Cap that it was best to just not question it.

He also wasn’t sure why he was thinking about Oreos when Becca was potentially in very big trouble, and Steve had left the dubious honour of telling Thor to him. “J.A.R.V.I.S.,” he said, a little desperately, voice shaking. “You heard the man. Call everyone in.”

“I have sent an Alert to all of the Avengers’ personal phones,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied readily, and Tony exhaled a little in relief. Someone had clearly planned this, had gone through the effort of setting half a building on fire to keep Steve distracted and get to Becca without drawing attention to what they were doing, and Tony was a little afraid to think of who they might be—of what they wanted with Becca.

He was going to do as Steve asked, though, because he would never forgive himself if something happened to Becca and he could have done something to help, to stop whatever it was.

The way Steve had sounded on the phone had kind of… scared Tony too.

He’d not heard Steve fall back to that dull, lifeless, monotone tone of voice very often, and when he had… well… it had never meant very good things for any of them.

The last time he’d heard Steve sound like that… the last time Steve had called Tony sounding like that, Tony had had to rush Natasha to Steve and Becca’s tiny Brooklyn apartment to keep Steve from doing something drastically stupid—she’d found the war hero crumpled in a heap on the floor with tears running down his cheeks and a gun to his head, begging her to just let him pull the trigger…

To let Steve stop the nightmares permanently.

He shuddered.

Yeah… Hearing that tone coming from Steve meant something.

Tony was barely holding himself back from rushing down to the lab and throwing himself into a suit, hurtling off to… to nothing. Nowhere.

He didn’t know anything yet.

Steve didn’t know anything yet.

He’d asked Tony to assemble but had left him with no other instructions and Tony knew, okay, he knew there was nothing he could do until he had more information.

And fuck if that didn’t frustrate him more.

He was stuck, wandering his Tower while his stomach twisted at the many implications his mind was set on conjuring up, each more gruesome than the other.

The elevator let out a bright ping and Tony jumped, eyeing the sliding door nervously until it slid open to reveal Natasha, dressed in a tight tank top and leotard, her hair coiled up into a tight bun and ballet slippers dangling from her left hand.

“What was so urgent, Stark?” She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest with a frown.

He waved his hands dramatically, because he was Tony Stark and if ever there were a time he were  allowed to be fucking dramatic, it would be when Captain goddamn America called him in a panic because he’d lost Tony’s little Baby-Becs, and then giving Tony a heart attack when her tracker wouldn’t work.

“Gotta get to the others first,” he said impatiently, snatching her wrist and pulling her along when he started walking again.

He led the Spider through the silent, unlit hallway, but didn’t bother asking J.A.R.V.I.S. to turn on the lights; he’d designed these hallways, he’d walked them so many times he could probably do it in his sleep—which he had a few times, when Pepper had dragged him to board meetings before he’d had coffee. The twins would likely already be waiting for them in the boardroom anyway, and after all of Thor’s dramatic appearances in the past few years—all of which had cost Tony more than a few light bulbs—he didn’t want to bother anymore.

He ignored the Widow’s cool, silent surprise and dragged her through the door, entirely unsurprised to find Wanda seated at the table in her pyjamas, spinning a thread of red light between her fingertips as she sat cross-legged in her seat, her brother next to her, lounged back in his own seat, boots propped up on his table.

“You know,” he drawled impatiently, glaring—okay maybe mock-glaring—at the silver-haired boy impatiently. “You live here for free. You could at least pretend to take care of my furniture.”

Natasha snorted a laugh and pushed past him, settling in the seat to Little Red’s left. Before the Red fucking Menace could do anything but smirk at him though, the door swung open again to reveal Bruce, dressed in an old band shirt and threadbare sweatpants, his lab coat halfway up his shoulders and his glasses crooked, almost as though he’d just rolled out of bed.

There was a single clock on the wall—for Pepper’s decorative purposes, Tony presumed—and he couldn’t quite stop himself from frowning as he eyed the clock’s hands.

10:45 P.M.

Bruce probably had just rolled out of bed then.

The other scientist had a disgustingly strict sleeping schedule.

“Why are we assembling?” Bruce groaned, rubbing his hand through his—surprisingly curly—hair, and Tony unexpectedly found his thoughts derailed from Becca and Steve to Bruce in much more pleasurable territory, fingers itching to tug on those curls and to press into Bruce’s arms, because the other scientist gave really good hugs, okay?

He’d always been a little sweet on Bruce, even if nothing was ever going to come of it.

He had chosen Rhodey and Pepper years ago, and he was pretty sure Bruce had been dating that astrophysicist girl that Thor had introduced them to a while ago anyway, but… There was a part of him that’d always be kind of weak for the way Bruce looked all adorably sleep-rumbled and soft, and the way he was one of the only people in the world that could keep up with him, one of the only intellectual equals Tony had ever met in his life.

He wasn’t going to do anything about it though.

It was a harmless crush—he was even pretty sure Bruce knew about it. Bruce was, objectively, handsome, and really fucking smart.

He hit all buttons for Tony—except that, you know, he wasn’t Rhodey or Pepper.

He shook himself, chancing one more furtive glance towards Bruce’s sleep-rumpled form before he sighed and shook his head. “Something happened at the gala,” he said. “Steve’s gonna tell us more when they get here.”

He pushed his hands into the pouch on his hoodie and contemplated waking up Pepper, but he knew well enough not to disturb her once she’d managed to get comfortable and fall sleep unless it was super urgent, and he didn’t know what this was.

What if Becca had just wandered away?

He ignored, for the moment, that her subdermal tracker—the tracker he had designed for her, for all of them, that he made sure couldn’tbe taken out unless completely smashed to bits—wasn’t working. The comms hadn’t worked in the building either; some of those older buildings were practically Faraday cages, even his tech wasn’t always good enough to get through that—for all they knew, Becca’s tracker had also been jammed.

It wasn’t worth risking Pepper’s wrath for, he thought. Not yet.

He couldn’t even call Rhodey, because he was off in Europe for the week, doing… military stuff.

Which was fine.

Tony didn’t need both of them around all the time.

He wasn’t pouting.

He wasn’t.

Romanoff snorted at him and eyed him carefully. She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, but he didn’t budge—Romanoff always liked to pretend she knew everything—she probably hated that she knew no more than the others did, right now.

“You know more,” she stated simply after a few seconds. “Is everyone alright?”

Tony opened his mouth to say “yes”, to nod reassuringly, but the word wouldn’t fall from his lips. “I don’t know,” he admitted. The atmosphere in the room abruptly went from sleepy yawns to rapt attention, and Tony fidgeted a little. “The building caught fire during the gala,” he explained. “Everyone was evacuated, but Steve lost Becca in the chaos, and now… we kind of can’t… find her…”

“What do you mean, you can’t find her?” Natasha demanded hotly, sitting up straight and glaring at him. “Activate her tracker. She can’t be far.”

Tony winced and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Her tracker… isn’t working,” he admitted, looking up at the Widow defiantly. “Steve and Clint are canvassing the building and then getting back here. For all we know, she got taken onto one of the ambulances, or the building interfered with the signal. The comms were spotty too; it’s why Clint went inside with them.”

Natasha hissed, almost like an angry cat, and stood, stalking up to the large holographic screen present in almost every room in the Tower and began pulling up… documents? Tony wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she seemed intent on doing it, and far be it from him to discourage the Black fucking Widow from doing what she thought needed doing.

“Have you told Thor yet?” Pietro said, glancing between Tony and Natasha nervously.

Almost like the man was summoned by the mere mention of his name, a loud clap of thunder shook them all and the giant blond god bounded inside, his smile wide and infectious.

“Greetings, friends!” The tall god beamed, and Jesus, Tony was not in the mood to deal with Thor’s sunny personality. Christ. “I apologize for the delay in my arrival,” the god boomed excitedly, thumping down his hammer on the conference table. “Heimdall did not inform me of your request until I had finished the duties the All-Father assigned to me.”

Tony half-watched as Bruce stood to shake Thor’s hand, only to be brought into a tight bear hug, a startled squeak falling from his lips before he patted Thor’s shoulder awkwardly until the taller man set him down again and repeated the hug with Wanda and Pietro, who basically threw himself in Thor’s arms—Tony didn’t miss the pointed look Wanda shot Pietro at that.

He almost jumped right out of his seat when Bruce’s knee bumped against his, his eyes drawn to the other scientist’s immediately, because obviously Tony was a glutton for punishment and he really needed to get a fucking hold of himself.

Bruce looked a little tired, but not nearly as anxious and unsteady as Tony felt, and of course he didn’t, he didn’t know what was going on, none of them did, really—

“Thor,” he exclaimed suddenly, yanking himself away from Bruce abruptly. “We gotta… Steve called, about the gala—something’s happened.”  He ignored the way the rest of the team eyed him nervously and settled back in his seat with minimal fidgeting.

Thor’s smile abruptly disappeared and he sat, heavily, on the nearest chair. “Rebecca,” he said hoarsely. “The baby, are they—are they alright? Is Steven?”

“I don’t know,” Tony admitted, his leg bouncing erratically underneath the table. This was… he was doing something, even if it was just telling Thor, even if it wasn’t much, and that was better than nothing. Doing nothing drove him absolutely and entirely mad—and that wasn’t good for anyone.

“I don’t know a lot yet,” he continued. “The building… there was a fire, and everyone was evacuated, but…” He stalled Thor’s words before he’d even said them, holding up a hand as though to ward off the questions that were sure to come. “…Steve said they got separated during the evacuation. He can’t find her. Her tracker’s offline. She… She might still be in the building or somewhere around there, but…” He swallowed. “Well, it’s not like our trackers can be disabled accidentally.”  

Thor looked gutted, but the expression was swiftly replaced by one of utter rage.

“Who?” he demanded. “Who would dare take her from me? From us?”

Tony’s eyes widened when lightning sparked between Thor’s fingers and thunder rumbled loudly above them. “I don’t know, big guy,” he said in his calmest voice, although it didn’t seem to be doing much to assuage Thor. The crackle of electricity hung heavy in the air and made Tony’s skin prickle and thrum—the raw power rolling off Thor was… fucking intimidating, a reminder that the man wasn’t human, and that he could likely squash them all like bugs if given proper motivation—

The door swung open again and Steve and Clint walked in, and Tony nearly choked on his own tongue, because he’d seen Steve look pretty terrible over the years—in the throes of depression, bruised and beaten after battle, but…

He’d never seen Steve look like this.

There were dark circles beneath Steve’s eyes and several cuts and bruises were in various stages of healing, but Steve’s dark bespoke suit was riddled with bullet holes and splashed with so much ash and blood and Tony really hoped it wasn’t all his.

“Steven!” Thor bellowed, leaping from his seat and crossing the space between him and Steve in a few short strides. “You wear battle upon your skin, yet Tony informed me there was none. Where is Rebecca? Have you found her?”

Tony’s eyes flicked to the door again, then to Clint, who shook his head, and his stomach sank.  

“I—the—she wasn’t anywhere,” Steve finally said, his expression stony, but Tony heard the barely perceptible waver in his voice regardless, and he felt abruptly sick, keeping his eyes fastened on the door, begging for Becca to walk through at any moment, to just be there, to be okay—

Please, please, don’t let her be dead.

“Hydra took Becca,” Steve continued, and Tony’s entire world screeched to a halt for a long, tense moment, his breath punching from his lungs in a startled breath—

“Are you sure?”

“Hydra took Becca,” Steve repeated, but Tony could again hear the waver in his voice that matched the sudden nausea that crawled up the back of Tony’s throat. “Her tracker’s offline, and we came across some stragglers when we canvassed the building and the rest of the block,” Steve went on, turning his attention from Thor to the others. Tony wanted to do something, to say anything, but he wasn’t quite sure what words were for a moment there, because he couldn’t think past ‘Hydra took Becca’. “They had cyanide capsules,” Steve said. “Spitting Hail Hydra before they died.”

He took a harsh breath and looked up at Wanda. “You were right. They’re back.”

Tony’s legs gave out from beneath him as he fell backwards onto his seat. He had not even realised he had risen from his seat in the first place. “Why would they—”

“It was a trap,” Steve interrupted harshly, anger infused in his every word, but Tony could see him fraying around the edges in the way his hands trembled before Steve pressed his palms flat against the table. “It was specifically set to draw me—or us—in,” he continued tensely. “I don’t know how they knew Becca and I would be there or why they took Becca instead, but I don’t intend to let them keep her long enough to find out.”

Thunder rumbled loudly above their heads and lightning flashed through Thor’s eyes at the same time as it lit up the night outside, and everyone jumped again, turning to the God of Thunder with wide eyes. Thor looked livid, and Tony suddenly realised he had never seen Thor really angry before, not truly, not even during their most intense battles, and the sight of it was… surprisingly terrifying.

Outside, a storm unlike anything Tony had ever seen before raged, and Tony wasn’t sure what to do to calm the god down.

He was, honestly, not sure he wanted to.

Let Thor unleash his anger on the bastards who’d dared kidnap Becca.

“J,” he said briskly. “Pull up everything you can find on the gala tonight. I don’t care how many firewalls you have to bypass or how many people will know we’re looking. Just get the info.” He barely waited for J.A.R.V.I.S.’s murmured affirmation before he jumped out of his chair, pulling up a large holoscreen above the table.

“Tell us everything,” he ordered Steve as soon as he had the screen set up, whirling around to find Steve looking at him with the same kind of desperation that was burning in his own veins.

“Now, Steve,” he ordered sharply, knowing it would get through to him the quickest.

Steve faltered for another moment—which Tony guessed he could forgive him for, since he was pretty sure Steve had been up since yesterday morning—before he launched into a detailed explanation of his and Becca’s strategic plans for the gala, all the way down to the color of her dress.

Tony watched, a little lightheaded and in dire need of caffeine—or like… six 5-hour energy shots—as Steve’s plans were laid out on the holographic screen, in clear and direct terms. Clint and Thor were leaning forward, eyes flitting between Steve and the screen, and even Natasha sat, tensed, on the edge of her seat, staring intently at the screen.

His hands trembled when he swiped a picture of one of the targets to the side, and he was very much not thinking about how triggeringthe situation had to be for Becca. She’d been doing so good, and he knew, he knew his Becs was stronger than any of them, but there were limits even to what she could take. He was also very deliberately not thinking of his own issues with being kidnapped—even though he was basically an expert at it now, having been kidnapped like six times before he was even eighteen—or the way he’d found Becca in Iraq, pale and beaten on the floor in a filthy little cell.

She was important to him, always had been, even though he’d been annoyed as fuck at fifteen to be saddled with the baby at family gatherings. She was his Baby Becs and he hated the thought of someone getting their hands on her and hurting her.

He’d promised himself, the day he found her, after he’d led the Army to where she was being held, and the day he’d spent sitting by her bed after the Battle of New York, that he’d find a way to keep her safe.

It’s a pledge he felt truly shamed to have failed at.

“Wait, wait.” Bruce waved his hand slowly, pulling his glasses down his nose and pinching the bridge between thumb and forefinger and completely interrupting Tony’s train of thought. “We have good contacts in S.H.I.E.L.D. Why are we not calling them in? If we can legitimize the mission through them… Making this an official S.H.I.E.L.D. mission would make it easier, wouldn’t it? We’d have all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s resources.”

“Because revealing that S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers purposefully put active agents in that gala would have meant treading on some very powerful toes,” Fury boomed from behind them, causing Tony to nearly jump out of his skin, knocking his knee painfully into the underside of the table. “We cannot afford that right now.”

Tony swivelled around, because how the fuck did that asshole keep getting into his Tower without his goddamned permission, how did he even know—and then froze, his mind screeching to a stop as he watched Fury approach with Agent Hill—he remembered her, very pretty, badass, had a brief fling with Becca after the fiasco with Romanoff—and…

Coulson?

“Bruce, am I drunk?” he choked out, feebly patting around until his fingers found the fabric of Bruce’s shirt to clutch and hang onto. “I’m seeing dead people.” He was vaguely aware of the sound of Clint dropping his mug onto the table, but no one else said anything, and he couldn’t—

What the fuck.

“This is a whole new level of madness.” Tony shook his head dramatically. “J, call my therapist. Wait.” He frowned. “I don’t have a therapist. Damn it, call a therapist. If they’ll take me. Will they take me? Fuck. What the absolute fuck, Fury?!”

“Tony, shut up!” Steve shouted empathically, and Tony would yell back, but just then, he caught sight of Clint’s expression and oh.

Yeah.

Tony cringed. He’d only heard of Clint’s relationship with Coulson after the man had died on the Helicarrier—although not so much, apparently—but he’d witnessed Clint’s intense grief first hand. So… realising Coulson wasn’t dead after all?

Not cool.

Not cool at all.

Everyone watched, tensely, as Coulson tentatively moved  towards Clint, before Natasha suddenly stepped into his path—

That wasn’t going to end well.

“Don’t you dare talk to him,” she hissed, and if Tony had been on the receiving end of that look, he swore he would have just shrivelled up and died because damn, that woman and her icy glares.

“Nat, I—” Coulson began, falling silent immediately beneath the weight of the Black Widow’s lethal glare.

“Enough,” Fury cut in, and Tony almost wanted to pout—this was dramatic as fuck and it didn’t even involve him, for once—before he remembered why they were there and promptly felt sick, because how could he—or any of them, except for maybe Clint—have forgotten, even for a second, that Becca was missing and in danger?

“Yes,” Steve boomed, face stoic but hands clenched into fists nonetheless before he lifted one hand to point at Coulson. “Enough. You… I’m glad you’re not dead. Head’s up would’ve been nice.” He turned to Fury, and Tony was impressed by the way his expression actually grew icier. “And you… when I’ve got Becca back safe and sound, you and I are gonna have a conversation you’re not going to enjoy.”

It struck Tony then, in a moment of dizzying clarity, how much Steve was struggling to hold onto the Captain America mind set, in a way he hadn’t seen him struggle in…

God, in months.

Tony hadn’t understood, initially, that Captain America was Steve’s shield just as much as his vibranium shield was. He hadn’t understood that, to deal with the expectations people put on Steve from the moment they laid eyes on him, Steve hid behind Captain America.

He showed people what they wanted to see.

Tony could tell that, in the light of Coulson’s reappearance, in the light of Becca being kidnapped on his watch and the botched mission—Jesus fucking Christ—that Steve was on the verge of losing it though.

Tony caught Steve’s eye, and the exhausted desperation in the younger man’s eye nearly made him wince. Nearly. Tony was worried about Becca too, the frantic energy humming beneath his skin nearly electric the longer he sat still, but he was willing to concede—just this once—that Steve’s nerves might be slightly more frayed than Tony’s.

Slightly.

To be fair, neither of them was quite as badly off as Thor obviously was, vibrating where he stood, lightning continually sparking between his fingers and his eyes flashing white with each clap of thunder and flash of lightning outside. But then again, it wasn’t Tony’s girlfriend and child on the line, now was it?

God, he didn’t even want to think about Pepper and the baby being in this kind of danger.

Tony could be a good teammate and take the focus off of Cap and Thor for a bit, though.

Let it never be said Tony Stark didn’t play well with others.

Tony cleared his throat loudly, effectively drawing all attention back to him.

“Not that this isn’t fun,” he drawled sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Fury’s annoyed huff. “But I’d prefer to get back to why we’re actuallyhere.” He gestured back to the large screen, his heart clenching a little at the sight of the photo J.A.R.V.I.S. had pulled up—a picture Pepper had taken during one of the Team Movie NightsTony had insisted upon, catching Becca in the middle of a peal of laughter at something silly Thor had said to Steve—before he glanced back to Steve and Thor and steeled himself.

One of them had to keep it together.

Just figured it’d be him again. Tony never thought he’d be the stable one, but then…

Here he was.

Again.

------------

BREAKING: NEW YORK CITY HIT BY UNEXPECTED THUNDERSTORM

The torrential rains that have been ravaging New York City for the past few hours hit unexpectedly and, reportedly, entirely out of nowhere around 10:30 p.m. today. The rains and repeated strikes of lightning have yet to cause any real, lasting damage, but it is only a matter of time if it continues, according to experts.

[…] at least 46 people were caught entirely by surprise by the heavy rainfall and needed to be extracted by firefighters from a partially flooded subway tunnel. “[…] situation is, for now, under control, and we’re trying to help those that have been caught up in the storm, but the streets are flooding, and we recommend everyone to remain at home,” said Anahera Taumata, a senior official at the New York City mayor’s office.

[…] Military units have been deployed to assist emergency workers as they search for [missing] people and clear the streets for emergency vehicles. […] storm unlike any in living memory, according to local authorities. New York’s weather agency has reported up to 6 inches of rain fell within four hours, triggering several flash floods in various subway tunnels, and 4 reported lightning strikes to various buildings.

Amusingly, several New Yorkers have taken to Twitter to ask Thor Odinson, New York’s resident God of Thunder, to take the lightning and rain elsewhere. Interestingly, several weather experts have agreed that such a sudden change in the weather can only be attributed to the God of Thunder. […] no response from Thor or the Avengers yet, although the storm rages on.

[…] no reports of deaths or serious injuries yet.

—Pedro Isaac, “New York City Hit By Unexpected Thunderstorm”, DW.com, 2 April 2016

-------------

Avengers Tower, New York, Manhattan, New York State, United States of America

11:57 p.m., 2 April 2016

Steve

“This has to be a trap.”

“It’s a one-way video feed,” Tony said scathingly, glaring at Fury. “It can’t be a trap.”

The tension in the room was so palpable that it thickened the air surrounding them, making Steve feel almost like he was choking. The others were spread haphazardly throughout the room, eyeing the video feed J.A.R.V.I.S. had pulled up after receiving an anonymous email with varying expressions.

“Is there any way to trace the signal?” Bruce asked reasonably, looking between Tony and Natasha with a furrowed brow. Natasha had taken control over one of Tony’s holographic screens and had, in the past hour and a half, managed to collect a mildly terrifying amount of evidence of Hydra’s continued existence. The things she had found and was currently investigating were so immensely complicated and implicated so many people that it gave Steve a minor headache at just the thought of considering it all.

She’d managed to uncover a terrifying amount of documents, video footage, photos and other evidence, which was mildly terrifying, considering how hard it had been to find even the slightest scrap of evidence before. When Steve had asked why she was finding so much now, Nat had only muttered, “It’s easy to find things when you know what you’re looking for,” before refocusing her attention on the screen.

And yet, nothing she’d found—nothing pointed towards there having been plans to take Becca.

Except… Except that there had clearly been a plan.

The security cameras in and around the building had been masterfully and methodically rerouted to replay previously recorded footage starting three minutes and forty-three seconds before the fire alarm had been triggered until seven and a half minutes after the alarm had been triggered.

In addition to that, whoever had hacked the feed had done so at the scene—which meant they couldn’t be traced through an I.P. address.

The kidnapping clearly was premeditated, but whoever had done said premeditating had not left a paper trail for them to find. They’d not left anything for them to find, other than Becca’s glaring absence and the three trigger happy goons Steve and Clint had run into when they’d canvassed the area.

And now this dark video feed.

“I don’t care what it is,” Thor thundered, eyes flashing with barely suppressed rage. “Will it help us find Becca?” A particularly loud clap of thunder punctuated his words, making his feelings on the matter abundantly clear. Of course, the thunderstorm outside had been gaining in strength since Thor had learned of the kidnapping.

Steve winced.

After their initial explanation of what had happened at the gala, Thor had simply stood, walked out, and—according to J.A.R.V.I.S.—disappeared through the Bifrost. He’d returned not ten minutes later in full armour and with his friends, who had all immediately spread out into the city to track down whatever leads they could find.

Thor had, after they’d spent a tense few minutes watching him talk to his friends, re-joined the team in the board room, although he’d barely said three words since his return, and most of those words had been used to inform them Heimdall was also searching for Becca with his all-seeing gaze.

He hadn’t spoken to Steve directly since he’d walked in.

And Steve hated it.

He hated that he’d failed Thor and Becca so badly. He’d promised Thor that Becca would be safe, that he’d be by her side the entire time—and because he hadn’t been, because he’d decided trying to dance with the target’s date was a good idea, Hydra had been able to get to Becca.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Thor wanted to throw him from the Tower.

Steve kind of wanted to throw himself from the Tower too.  

“As soon as it activates,” Tony said fervently, nodding at Thor. “I don’t care what they’ve done to erase their digital footprints, as soon as they give us an inch, I’m gonna take a fucking mile.”

Thor nodded curtly. “Very well.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, staring silently out the window into the dark storm.

Steve wondered, not for the first time, whether the sight of the storm soothed Thor, or if it made his anger and fear all the worse. It was, after all, a physical manifestation of Thor’s emotions—a blatant and palpable demonstration of everything Thor felt for anyone who cared to look.

Steve had seen Thor’s control over his lightning slip a few times over the years, but every single one of those instances had been… different.

With the exception of the two-week long thunderstorm that had followed Thor’s return to Earth after his mother and Loki had been killed, every other instance of Thor accidentally letting his lightning loose had been… if not outright funny, then certainly amusing.

It’d happened once after his and Becca’s second anniversary, when Becca had apparently done something very well—although Steve preferred not to think about what exactly she’d done so well, for his own sanity—and once after Clint and the twins had teamed up to play a prank on Thor, and the god had startled so bad he’d electrocuted the entire Tower.

Both instances had been hilarious.

There wasn’t anything funny about Thor’s lack of control now.

Steve eyed the raging storm—if it even was due to a lack of control on Thor’s part. He didn’t doubt that his friend was terrified, because Steve was too, and it wasn’t even his girlfriend, his child on the line. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was a reason Thor had decided to unleash the thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms on New York.

Maybe he was hoping to flush out whoever had taken Becca—quite literally.

Steve would be more concerned about the consequences of letting this storm rage—people could get hurt, there could be floods due to the unrelenting rain—but most of his higher brain function was too occupied with Becca to care.

While Tony, Bruce and J.A.R.V.I.S. bickered over how they were going to trace the video feed, Steve took his chance. Natasha, Clint and Wanda had their heads bent together to try to figure out why there was a video feed in the first place, and thankfully weren’t paying attention to him either.

Steve approached Thor, feeling simultaneously nervous and like he was going to get whatever horrible fate he deserved.

“Hey,” he said quietly once he’d reached his friend, leaning against the wall beside Thor.

Thor barely even glanced up at him, but nodded in acknowledgement nonetheless.

“I—” Steve tried, but his voice rebelled, and the words died in his throat. “I’m sorry,” he finally managed. “I promised you she’d be safe, and… I didn’t—I should’ve stayed with her. I’m sorry.”

Thor heaved a sigh beside him.

“Steven,” he said wearily. “My friend. I love you very dearly, and I want you to know that the only people I blame are the people that tookBecca from me, but…” He sighed again and looked at Steve with dark, haunted eyes. “I do not have it in me to reassure you right now.”

He turned away from Steve again and stared back out the window.

Steve opened his mouth, changed his mind, and then closed it again, feeling distinctly nauseated.

He wasn’t sure how long he and Thor stood there, backs against the wall in silence, before Natasha suddenly announced, “We got something.”

At the same time, Tony exclaimed, “The feed’s going live!”

Steve’s stomach dropped away and he felt distinctly nauseous as he eyed the video footage Tony had pulled up on the largest screen in the room. He pushed away from the wall and joined the rest of the team as they gathered around the screen in a tight half circle, each set of shoulders bumping into the next one over.

And there, right in front of them and yet completely out of their reach, was Becca.

The camera hardly shook at all, and the quality of the video was exceptionally high—whoever this was, Steve would bet anything they were using a professional camera, which spoke volumes about the level of preparedness of the kidnappers, at least in his opinion.

When he voiced said thoughts aloud, Natasha nodded in agreement and Tony insisted he had spotted the same thing immediately. Steve didn’t really pay attention to them, trying to focus his gaze on the details of the scene, on anything that might betray where the footage was being filmed or who was filming it—anything that might tell him where Becca was, but the backdrop was a simple, infuriatingly, undoubtedly purposefully white sheet.

He carefully refrained from looking at Becca, who sat tied to a wooden chair in the middle of the image, because he needed time to steel himself for what he was sure he’d see.

He remembered what Hydra did to the people they took.

He remembered what Bucky had looked like right after Steve had pulled him from that concrete slab in Azzano—remembered the blank stare in his best friend’s eye that never really left after.

Steve wasn’t sure he could stand to see another friend tortured by Hydra.

When he did finally look at her, she looked relatively unharmed, although she’d clearly not been handled carefully, either. Her hair had fallen from the elegant mess of braids and curls Nat had done for her earlier, and there was an ugly scrape on her forehead. She was paler than Steve thought was healthy, but when she looked up at the camera, he could recognize the defiant anger in her gaze.

“This is live, yes?” Thor demanded, glancing towards Tony, and Steve wondered if anyone else could tell just how badly Thor’s hands were shaking.

“Yeah,” Tony nodded. “Yeah. J.A.R.V.I.S. is recording and tracing the feed right now.”

He looked stricken, and though Steve felt a wave of sympathy for him.

“Well, smile for the camera, Barnes,” someone drawled on the feed, voice smug and self-satisfied even though it was clearly distorted by some kind of voice modulator.

When Becca continued to scowl at the person behind the camera, someone heaved an impatient sigh and stomped forward, roughly grabbing Becca’s chin with a gloved hand and forcing her to look directly into the camera. “Come on then,” the man—because it was a man, dressed from head to toe in black, a dark ski mask covering his face—in their field of vision spat. “Smile for your friends, bitch. Gotta say goodbye.”

Lightning sparked between Thor’s clenched fingers and jumped up his arm, and the thunder outside roared deafeningly loud.

Steve winced in perfect tandem with the others, and barely resisted the urge to grasp Thor’s shoulder in comfort. The gesture wouldn’t be appreciated right now, he was sure, and he wasn’t very sure he wouldn’t be electrocuted if he touched Thor right now, in any case. Thor certainly didn’t seem entirely aware of the light current of electricity that was dancing from his clenched fists up to his shoulders and the white that crept across his eyes—

It was, admittedly, slightly terrifying.

He returned his attention back to the screen, where Becca had bared her teeth in a bloody grin.

Steve fumed, because it was obvious she’d been slapped hard enough that her upper lip had split, which meant one of those sick sons of bitches had had the gall to hit a pregnant woman hard enough to make her bleed.

“You gonna scream real’ nice and loud for us, baby?” the male, though still unidentifiable voice taunted on the screen, shaking Becca’s chin roughly while several other voices jeered and the man in the frame cupped his crotch suggestively. Becca winced—a small, minute thing, but Steve had known her long enough to recognize her expression of pain—before she spat at the hand that was holding her.

“You and your pathetic little needle dick couldn’t make me scream if you tried,” she spat, voice strong and clear, glaring up at him.

Steve snorted a laugh despite himself, and even Thor smiled.

Unfortunately the kidnappers were not quite as amused by Becca’s innate inability to stop sassing people, and the man who stood next to Becca in the frame, who’d cupped his crotch to taunt her, slapped Becca hard. Her head whipped to the side and Thor growled as the thunder above them roared, and—miraculously, thankfully—the sound echoed on the video.

They could hear Thor’s thunder on the video.

They could hear it.

She was still in the city—whoever had taken her hadn’t taken her out of the city. And thunder had a limited sound range, at that.

Amateurs, he thought contemptuously.

Becca slowly swung her head back towards the camera, grinning that same bloody grin. “Oh, you’re fucked now,” she chuckled. “Thor. Babe. There’s only five of them. Fucking annihilate them.”

“Someone calculate how far that was,” Clint shouted. “How long was the delay?”

“Couple of seconds tops,” Tony said absently, hands moving feverishly across the keyboard.

“You insolent bitch,” the man behind the camera spat, lurching forward in a blurred movement to backhand Becca across the face once more, and Thor’s thunder howled so loudly everyone reflexively covered their ears. A massive bolt of lightning struck the nearest building and the city went dark beneath and around them.

The Tower, mercifully, seemed mostly unaffected, although there were quite a few red alerts popping up at the bottom of the screen. The video feed, too, seemed unaffected, although the lights shining down on Becca had dimmed considerably, and everyone except Becca seemed a little spooked by Thor’s outburst.

“Well,” the man chuckled, although his voice was just a little shakier than it had been before. “We know they’re watching, then. Good.” He disappeared from the frame again and ordered, “Go get the Soldier.”

Becca swayed a little against her bonds, clearly dazed by the last blow—though still with a slight smile on her face from the proof of Thor’s wrath—and Steve bit his lip nervously. Even though they knew they were in the city, that they couldn’t be far, he didn’t like that they couldn’t get to her right away, that they couldn’t bring her to the medical floor to have her checked out—

“Captain America,” the man on the video said, and Steve’s head snapped up. “You’ve been a thorn in Hydra’s side for far too long. Consider this a warning of what’ll happen to everyone you love if you continue to cross us—we know where your friends live, know that certain elderly friends of yours are particularly vulnerable. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time with Barnes while it lasted, because it comes to an end now. Hail Hydra.”

“What,” Tony said, baffled, and Steve’s stomach roiled—he might throw up; something he’d done maybe thrice since waking from the ice.

Becca had been shaking her head the entire time the man was speaking, but when she opened her mouth to say something, she seemed to spot something behind the camera and her eyes went wide, her jaw going slack. “Wh—Uncle Bucky?”

Steve, who’d been reaching for the nearest trashcan—just in case his rebellious stomach decided to stage a full-scale riot—abruptly jerked back towards the screen, wide-eyed and confused, and Becca blinked owlishly at whoever was behind the camera.

But then, suddenly, before she could gather herself, there was a commotion from the same direction she was staring into as if she’d seen a ghost. It devolved rapidly into unintelligible shouting, and before any of them had any chance to figure out what the hell was happening—

The camera toppled on its side with a loud crash, and for a second, through blurred, jagged footage, Becca’s feet were visible, before a loud bang startled them all, and the video abruptly cut out.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Tony inquired shakily, “tell me you have something.”

“Why would she say that?” Steve whispered, staring at the blank screen without really seeing it, without really… without really thinking.

Why would Becca say Bucky’s name?

No one replied to him.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. responded apologetically, speaking over Steve’s whisper, and Steve felt sick. “The signal was heavily encrypted and was being bounced off servers on every continent. Even with the knowledge they were still in the city, I was not able to narrow down the location. Based on the delay before we heard the echo of Thor’s thunder, however, I estimate that they are no more than five miles away from the Tower.”

“We have to do something,” Natasha exclaimed a little desperately. “There has to be something—they’re in the city, we know they are in the city—you have to be able to find something.”

“Their lights weren’t off,” Wanda remarked from next to a quivering Thor, wringing her hands nervously, anxiously. “It was darker, but not fully dark, and I think there was a hum in the background after. They must have an emergency generator. Doesn’t that help?”

“Why would she say Bucky’s name?” Steve repeated, a little louder, ignoring the slight hysteria in his own voice, choosing to focus on that rather than the gunshot they’d heard at the end of the video, because… because…

Because she’d said Bucky’s name.

Steve was unable to ignore it or chalk it up to coincidence—he couldn’t.

He knew Becca would have known that too.

“I don’t know, Steve!” Natasha shouted suddenly, startling them all into silence. Steve stared at her with wide eyes—he had never seen Natasha lose her cool like this, and that more than anything shocked him into immediate silence and stillness. She exhaled shakily and continued in a—slightly—calmer voice, “It doesn’t matter why she said Bucky’s name. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t. What we need to focus on right now is where she is and who has her. Once we have her safely back we can look into anything she said and why she said it, but not now.”

Steve blinked at her. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

He’d forgotten, for a moment, that he wasn’t the only one that loved Becca—that he wasn’t the only one that was going out of his mind with worry.

Natasha glared at him for another tense, drawn-out moment before she sighed. “It’s fine.” She looked to Thor, who was still glaring at the screen where Becca had been projected just minutes before, almost like he hadn’t even registered the commotion erupting around him.

“Thor,” she said, switching gears, her voice softening into something more comforting. “We’re going to find her. Can you meet up with your friends, see if they’ve found something? In the meantime, we can work out a search grid and work in pairs, search more efficiently—they can’t be far, so we have to make sure we get there before they move again. Maybe start on the outer perimeter of a five mile radius and work your way inwards; that’s what I’d do, and you can do it in a snap compared to most of the rest of us.”

“I’ll go with,” Steve said immediately, because his skin was crawling and he couldn’t stand sitting here and doing nothing any longer, because he knew his brain would drive him mad if he did.

Natasha nodded. “I’m going with you. Thor, with your friends—there’s four of them, yes?”

When Thor nodded, Nat smiled tightly. “Split up into groups of two. Tony, I need a map.”

Tony jerked into movement, blinking blearily but pulling up a map of the city obediently. Natasha walked up to it and indicated a ten-block radius. “You and your friend search this grid. Steve and I,” she indicated another ten-block grid, “will be searching this area. Your other two friends can search here.” She pointed again and Thor nodded sharply.

“We can search too,” Pietro piped in. “I’m fast, and Wanda can fly; give each of us ten blocks. Wanda and I can clear more than you can and faster, and that safely frees up Thor for the perimeter.”

Natasha nodded grimly.

“Be careful,” she told them after she’d indicated a good portion of the city. “Hydra will probably be looking to take you two back as well.”

Wanda bared her teeth in a snarl. “I’d like to see them try.”

With that, she slung her arm around her brother’s neck, and they blurred out of sight. Thor looked at the map intently for another few moments before he too, without words, stomped out of the room.

“Tony,” Nat said sternly, “Keep trying to hack the signal. If you find anything, any clue to narrow our search down, let us know.”

Tony nodded.

Clint settled in a corner, dragging several laptops, Starkpads and phones with him—staunchly ignoring Coulson and Fury, who were both pacing in the corridor, barking orders on their phones—and told Nat, “I’ll contact everyone I know—someone’ll know something.”

Nat nodded again before she turned to Steve. “Well,” she said, eyeing him up and down. “Suit up.”

------------------

Start from the beginning:

In Hell We Stand By You:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Never Feel Alone:

(1) (2)

Decisions:  (1)

Dancing with a Limp:

(1) (2)

Chances:

(1)

Starting Over:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Dancing in the Rain:

(1) (2) (3) 

Or read it HERE on AO3 :D Find the next chapter HERE on Tumblr :)

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

Proven Innocent Season 1 Episode 11

Trigger warning: This episode deals with child abuse and the death of a baby

We kick things off with Levi coming over to Madeline's apartment. She's expanded her Rosemary wall to include the things that they found at Sparrow Ridge. However, she can't identify some of the initials on the closet, but Levi is able to. She leaves to go to work, and Levi promises that he'll keep looking into this.

Our case kicks off when a scientist goes on TV to say that he now believes that a lot of things were once mistaken for shaken baby syndrome. This is upsetting to the lawyers because it could mean that there's a lot of innocent “baby killers” sitting in jail. Our client du jour is one such lady, whose baby died ten years ago.

She was suffering from postpartum depression, and didn't bond with her baby in the way that society deemed acceptable. She confessed to her mother-in-law that she didn't want her baby, which, as you might imagine, was then used against her in court.

In Violet's podcasts, she usually likes to use “tell your truth�� a lot. However, this case was kind of the opposite, because the client had told her truth, and in the end, it got her sentenced to prison.

In court, they bring the scientist up onto the stand; he had testified about the baby having been shaken at the original trial. The prosecutor says a lot of inflammatory things, which angers even the judge, especially because there's not even a jury that she could be talking to. The judge finally agrees to let them reexamine the medical evidence after the scientist asks to take another look... if only because he doesn't want for something like this to haunt him.

As Madeline, Easy, and the client's sister are leaving the courtroom, they run into the client's now former husband and his mother. The mother-in-law starts spitting accusations, how could you do this, blah-blah-blah... but the sister gets into the mother-in-law's face and is like “you never cared about the baby! All you care about is yourself!”

Later, Easy and Madeline go talk to the scientist guy at his lab. He says that science has advanced to the point where they can now see that the brain bleed that caused the baby to die happened a good five days before when the baby actually died. This is huge, because the entire time table gets thrown out the window; the client hadn't been alone with watching her daughter on that day in question.

They go to the father to get a blood test to see if it's remotely possible that the baby had a rare blood clotting disease. He's anxious to find out what happened to his baby, if his ex-wife didn't shake the baby to death.

However, it's obviously too early for that to be the cause of death, so they're back to the drawing board. They notice that there was a weird bruise on the baby's chest. Talking with the client again, and she says that days before the death, the husband had been taking the baby to the doctor and they'd been in a fender-bender. It probably wouldn't be enough to hurt an adult, but for a tiny baby? The client says that the car needed some body work done on it following that.

While all of that's going on, Levi goes back to Sparrow Ridge to look around some more. As he's looking at the door with all of the names and tally marks, he notices that the cobwebs are blowing in some breeze. He pulls the cupboard away from the wall, and discovers a room with an old mattress on the floor. He brushes the dust off from the wall and finds a sun with the letter R in it.

And because we need to have our Bodie subplot... He talks with his girlfriend about how she just brought her nephew over like that. She seems to think that he's not ready to have this kind of relationship, calls him an overgrown manchild, and storms out. We'll get back to this later.

Madeline and Violet go to talk to granny; Madeline seems to think that she'd rather talk to them in the privacy of her house rather than to be dragged into court and made to testify. The granny scoffs over the accident having caused harm to the child, and says that she'd slept through the entire thing. She goes on to say that since she and her son were taking the baby to the doctors when the accident occurred, following the accident, they continued on to the doctor's appointment. There, the doctor examined the baby and found her to be in good health without even so much as a bruise. Which doesn't make sense, because, as mentioned there was a weird bruise across her chest... almost like from an accident.

Bodie and Easy, meanwhile, go talk to the ex-husband's son from his first marriage. He was like 8 years old when this happened, but according to granny, he was at boarding school and hadn't really been around his half-sister much. So they track him down to the university library, where they're surprised when he says that he's working. When they question him about his family's money and how they own half of the university, he says that he's not on good terms with either his father or his grandmother.

On the way out, Bodie tells Easy about his girlfriend's nephew. Easy tells him that you can do all of the right things, and still end up living in a hotel room. He seems to think that Bodie would make a good dad for the exact reasons why the girlfriend stormed out: because he is a manchild, and that would make playtime the best. However, he tells Bodie that he can't make this decision for Bodie.

Later, the first wife comes in. She says that she was forced to sign an NDA about not airing the family's dirty laundry. However, Easy and Madeline sort of coax her into pointing them into the right direction. She tells them that the grandmother would physically abuse her son. And as if that wasn't bad enough, she knows that granny had broken her son's arm; that's when they got divorced.

They don't show finding out corroborating evidence to support this, just Madeline and Easy going to confront the ex-husband about all of the abuse, that granny could have been the one who hurt the baby. The husband is obviously upset over the entire thing, because he loves his mom. However, Madeline is quick to point out that he clearly wants to get to the bottom of this as much as anybody. He confesses that his mother hurt him, but Madeline reminds him of his son's broken arm. “Horseback riding” my ass. He insists that granny loved her granddaughter... but Easy also points out that he's sure granny loves her son and grandson, too.

This leads them to the family pediatrician. He refuses to just hand over the files, as you might expect, and says that the baby's files are filed away somewhere, since she's dead now, and the case has been closed for a while. Violet accuses him of stonewalling them, and Madeline says that he's clearly covering up child abuse and never reporting it. They leave, but Madeline says that they'll be back with an order for those files... and somebody else will come and take away his medical license.

This causes granny to storm into their office later, all in a huff. However, Madeline and Easy aren't daunted by her huffing and puffing with little to actually show for it.

Levi goes to Madeline's that night with the information of what he'd found. On top of the hidden room, he found out who owns the house. It's some long Sanskrit name and one part of it means “sun”. Madeline read a lot in prison, and she was very drawn towards eastern religions. And it fits with the sun that Levi found in the other room. They talk about it for a moment. Madeline remembers how Rosemary had seemed to be obsessed with losing her virginity... and at the time, Madeline had thought that it was just college stuff. However, now she's certain that it has something to do with this cult.

They mull over on who that they can talk to. The gothic chick is out, because Heather has scared her into being silent. However, Levi points to one other chick and says that she sent him a Christmas card in jail once; she seemed to think that he was innocent.

So he goes to talk with her. She's reluctant to talk about it, but eventually says that some guy named Robbie was the charismatic cult leader. He filled her with a sense of spiritually... and when she was in high school, where people are already struggling to figure out themselves, it was kind of a big deal.

She goes on to say that Rosemary was the favorite, and it pissed former favorite, Heather, off something fierce. She says that she won't talk anymore shortly after that.

Later, as the team is going through the medical records, they're fuming that the doctor was not only hiding the records of child abuse and not reporting them, but if he'd made any reports at all, he'd clearly destroyed them. However, there is something in the ordinary check-up report worth noting: the son had gotten a flu shot the weekend before the baby had died. Which stands out because granny insisted that the grandson had been at boarding school when the baby had died.

They go back and talk to him; he's still reluctant but gives in after a while. He says that he was home that weekend. Granny had asked him to watch the baby while she'd gone to use the restroom. The baby had been crying and crying and he'd kicked the highchair. She'd hit the wall pretty hard.

He testifies about this in court. And not only that, but also about the abuse that he'd suffered at the hands of granny... but also about how granny had told him to keep quiet about having hurt his little sister.

The judge frees the client. And as granny tries to sneak out, the judge says that if it wasn't for the statute of limitations, she would have granny arrested for child abuse, neglect, and covering up a crime. However, the court of public opinions will punish her as they see fit.

As the newly freed client leaves the courtroom, her ex-husband comes over to talk to him. As you might imagine, neither the client nor her sister want much to do with any of their specific brand of bullshit. The client, however, does tell her former step-son that none of this was his fault; it was a combination of an accident mixed with granny being a horrible person. (Meanwhile Granny is slammed with reporters outside. Haha. Court of public opinion indeed.)

Later, Bodie invites his girlfriend and nephew over, where he attempts to do a hand-shake-fist-bump with the kid, and then invites him to eat the spread of junk food he's laid out. He tells his girlfriend that being involved with this case has told him that having poor role models turns kids into horrible monsters as adults. So he wants to be a good role model for the kid. The girlfriend likes this and they kiss... much to the kid's displeasure.

And Bellows? What's he been up to this episode you ask? At the end of the last episode, he'd ordered a search of the lake. He's opting for drones, since they're more “discrete” than divers, but as his wife is quick to point out, more expensive. His wife also slams him because he's using campaign funds to pay for all of this, which I hope that I don't have to tell you is ILLEGAL. Bellows doesn't give a shit about what might happen if he fails to find anything, or if it all turns out to be a dead end... he's got blinders on that only say one thing: MADELINE SCOTT KILLED ROSEMARY AND HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT.

As you might imagine, they finds all sorts of neat junk at the bottom of the lake, and any one of them could have been the possible murder weapon. His campaign sugar daddy (Yes, because that's what he is) comes in to complain about this, but Bellows points out that the sugar daddy had told him to find new evidence about Madeline's guilt. Bellows takes out this old camping lamp, and says that it matches the indentations on Rosemary's scull, and the metal fragments from the lamp also match those found in Rosemary's brain.

Bellows calls in Heather, and asks her about the lamp. She seems shocked about the entire thing, and kind of scared. She then says that she saw Madeline carrying the lamp the night of Rosemary's murder, right after Madeline and Rosemary had had a fight.

This leads Bellows to send police to go arrest Madeline.

Okay, so theory time: considering what Levi found out from the other cult member, about the things that they were doing in that cult, as well as the put-out feelings Heather had about Rosemary suddenly becoming Robbie's number one... On top of Heather's shock and horror upon seeing the lamp... I'm guessing that Heather is the one who actually murdered Rosemary. And it was all out of jealousy. It would also explain why Heather keeps lying about the entire thing, and why she's so insistent that Madeline and Levi must have killed Rosemary. She's covering up her own guilt, and Madeline and Levi just made handy scapegoats. She was probably afraid when they got out, and even more afraid when Bellows produced the lamp.(But we shall see.)

[calderwoodrp]

☆ VIVIAN BANCROFT

introduction –

NAME. Vivian Lucille Bancroft  PRONOUNS. She/her AGE & BIRTHDATE. 28 | July 1, 1991 HOMETOWN. Calderwood, CA NEIGHBORHOOD. Carlysle City Center OCCUPATION. YouTuber and Owner of Extrav-Event FACECLAIM. Shay Mitchell 

story –

[ cw: cancer, death, postpartum depression ]

The Bancrofts have been in Calderwood just as long, if not longer, than some of the so-called founding families. The name was once considered synonymous with sycophant but now more closely aligns itself with the influential. Once upon a time, they would lick the boots of those above them - the Carlyles, the Whitmans, and the like. They were new money, at this point in time, and they were only fit to be the right hand men of the rich and famous. But, being the person privy to all the details of those wealthy and powerful proved to be vital in skyrocketing their own power. They became the puppet masters of the town, pulling strings that cause change, or stagnancy, in Calderwood.

The most recent generation of Bancrofts are no different. Charles Bancroft has been the chief of staff to the mayor for as long as anyone can remember. He stood behind Stanely Buck for much of his career, but as he felt the wind shift in Carin Delarosa’s favor, he quickly changed his stance. He backed the new mayor, becoming a stand in campaign manager when hers fell through - and if Charles had anything to do with his downfall, no one is saying anything about it. Though he only works on the local scale - officially, anyway - most around town take his word as the word of God. He was a taste maker and jet setter in his own right, similar to his second wife, Louisa Bancroft, nee Santos.

Unlike Charles, Louisa focused on swaying the hearts of others, rather than the minds. She inspired some level of fear, similar to her husband, but she had a softer touch. People adored her, which was just the way she liked it. Her husband pulled the puppet’s strings and she yanked on their heartstrings. She was the unofficial event planner of the town - if anything more than a child’s birthday party was happening in Calderwood, Louisa had her hands on it.

Charles has two children from his previous marriage but he and Louisa had Vivian shortly after getting married; she was the final child for both Charles and Louisa, which proved to be a good thing as she was a notoriously difficult child. She was constantly throwing temper tantrums as a baby and perfected the art of making her nannies cry well before her fifth birthday. At her core, she was an attention seeker, and with parents like hers, attention was difficult to come by. Her father was busy man, with no real desire to form a bond with any of his children. Louisa, on the other hand, wanted desperately to form a connection with her only child, especially after the postpartum depression that had caused a rift between her and Vivian. This, however, proved to be rather difficult for Louisa and she had Vivian didn’t develop a decent relationship well after her infancy.

It wasn’t until she was six years old that Vivian grew closer to her mother; the damage was already done though. While they loved each other there was a rift that seemed impossible to mend. Louisa was smothering at the best of times and Vivian was desperate to earn her mother’s love and approval. This resulted in Vivian following after her mother as she planned and orchestrated events. Vivian fell in love with parties - the lights, the music, the feeling of euphoria when everyone fawned over what a perfect night it was, the luxury she was exposed to and that her family provided. She knew that she wanted to be just like her mother when she grew up. After a while, she had become her mother’s shadow during events and the planning that led up to them. She bonded with everyone involved in the process and by the time she was thirteen, she was booking the caters for her mother’s parties herself.

The school yard was her playground - she easily bent people to her will, collecting friends as she went. She clawed her way to the top of the social food chain, earning her title of Queen Bee. School work was a bit harder. She didn’t take to most of the work very well and she wasn’t accustomed to having to work for anything. So, she didn’t work for it; for a little while at least. She could only deal with people talking down to her and her father’s disappointed glare at the dinner table on the rare occasion he would join them.

She forced herself to pay attention, to take notes and ask questions after class. She still had her pride - she refused to look stupid in front of her peers. She taught herself what her teachers couldn’t explain to her, with some help from one of the few friends she saw as her equal. Many of her friends, or the girls who claimed her friendship, didn’t really care for her - not that she blamed them, she didn’t really care for them either - but Emmeline was different. Vivian couldn’t put her finger as why that was and every time she thought about it, she would a fluttering in her stomach that she didn’t really want to address. Unrecognizable feelings aside, Emmeline helped her get her grades up immensely. Of course, she cared much for the aesthetics of creating notes and a planner than she did actually acquiring knowledge.

By the time high school rolled around, Vivian had cemented herself as the local queen bee. She had also just started her own YouTube channel, Color Coded Hot Mess, jumping on the chance of even more attention. With the prompting of her friends and her mother, she uploaded videos about her mother’s events, modeling her clothes, showing off the meticulous spread of her notebooks and planners - say what you will about Vivian but she has impeccable highlighting skills, both makeup wise and pen wise.  She quickly gained followers and became addicted to the small scale fame she had received. As more social media was developed, and she grew up, she expanded the brand she had crafted for herself.

When she graduated high school, there was no question of if she would go to college. Her father had been talking her up to the admissions at Stanford since she was born, which she never really cared for. However, if she intended to keep living in luxury on his dime, she was going to attend nearly all her family’s alma mater and she was going to have to pretend to like it. College wasn’t horrible; she was a Bancroft, which meant something around the school, allowing her to climb up the social food chain without much difficulty. She studied English and Business, the former thanks to Emmeline showing her the joys of Virginia Woolf and Jane Austen, and the later thanks to her father’s pressing.

She graduated from Stanford with relative ease, in part thanks to her desire to appear perfect for her growing number of followers and in part thanks to her father’s checks to her professors. She had planned to take a year off, “studying art” in Paris ( read: getting drunk and dick ) but all that was called off when she was told, only a few days after her graduation, that her mother had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Vivian canceled her trip and immediately returned home to Calderwood.

With her mother out of commission and Vivian desperate for any kind of outlet to distract herself from her mother’s depleting health, she started to take over as Calderwood’s unofficial event planner. A few months after she returned officially to the town, she moved out of her family’s estate in Winslow Hills and bought her own place in Carlyle City Center. It was there that she finally put down the roots of creating her own event planning business, Extrav-Event, with her mother’s blessing, of course. She threw a massive New Year Eve party in conjunction with the mayor’s office. Her mother was the guest of honor, her health taking a turn for the better. For a while, it seemed like everything was perfect.

However, nothing lasts forever. Her mother’s cancer returned with a vengeance, taking her life only a few months later. It was the first time in her life that she ever saw her father cry. Charles Bancroft, ever the stoic and impersonal man, had a bit of a mental breakdown after he lost another wife to cancer. It took a few weeks for him to leave the house but when he did, he emerged even more closed off than he was before. Louisa tempered his crueler nature, but with her gone, there was nothing holding him back. He lashed out at his children and pushed himself into his own work even more than usual.

Vivian attempted to steel herself after her mother’s death but still has difficulty doing so. Her mother was strong in her own right and while Vivian tried to mimic her as a child, she was much softer than anyone else in her family. With her mother gone, she’s almost become her mirror image - the operative word being almost. She was meretriciously put together like her mother was, appearing to be just as cold and strong as Louisa was in life. Vivian was strong, in her own way. But there was still a part of her that her father would call childish, a part that yearned for attention and fame and affection and love from a family that hardly ever expressed emotion. She’s thrown herself into her business, attempting to lose her own grief in the lights and music that she fell in love with in the first place. She’s taken more care than ever to cultivate an image of perfection on her social media, hoping that the validation she gains from there will fill the hole that was left behind with her mother died.

WRITTEN BY INGRID. SHE/HER OR THEY/THEM. EST.

[citrinemama]

It took three months, but I finally hit the wall.

The wall of 'why can't my baby stop crying?' The wall of 'I'm so tired I can't function'. The wall of 'why am I the one that has to do everything?'

I'm very blessed because I don't have to do everything. My partner is stepping in where they can. My mother-in-law loves being Grammy and is glad to take the baby for a few hours each week. My sister is coming to stay with us overnight a couple times this month. There are so many people at work and in my community that are more than happy to hold my baby while I get things done. I am so incredibly blessed.

But that doesn't mean it's not hard. It doesn't mean I'm not drowning in the constant feedings and diaper changes and rocking or pacing so that he finally falls asleep.

I love my child. I love my child. I love my child.

But it's still hard.

It's hard to take care of his every need, and make sure the house is livable, and make sure that there's food in the house, and take care of my needs, and somehow be my usual cheerful self in the midst of everything.

For three months I made the claim that I had the opposite of whatever postpartum depression is. I had so much energy, and I was happier than I'd been even before the pregnancy.

And then the three month mark hit, and it feels like I've slid into a pit of depression. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything, I'm constantly tired, and life just seems so bleak all of the sudden.

One of the worst parts is my little-t trauma makes it so incredibly difficult to ask for help. My asshole brain tells me that I'm not supposed to need help, that I'm supposed to be able to do all of it on my own. None of the individual tasks are particularly difficult, you just need to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it.

(Did you hear my mother in that? I sure did. And she wonders why I don't ask her for help.)

My son's cup is small, but he can't fill it on his own. It takes people pouring water out from their cups in order to fill his, and I'm the one that pours out the most for his sake.

Somehow I'm supposed to know how to refill my own cup. Somehow I'm supposed to ask people for some of their water. Somehow I'm supposed to manage my mental state on top of everything else I'm supposed to manage. Honestly, it just kind of feels like one more task on top of my already mountainous pile.

One day I'll be able to look back at this time period and be grateful. One day I'll be able to look back at fond memories of holding my firstborn as he falls asleep. One day I'll forget the despair the same way I've forgotten the pain of labor.

But today is not that day. Today I am drowning in the sea of postpartum depression.

[allthingsteenmom]

WHERE ARE THEY NOW: CATELYNN BALTIERRA

Cue 2009 and 16 & Pregnant coming to our TV screens featuring a pregnant 16 year old from Michigan: Catelynn Lowell. Cate was dating her middle school sweetheart Tyler Baltierra and when we met them at 16 weeks pregnant they were already discussing adoption. You see, neither Cate or Ty were in the most ideal situations with Tyler’s dad Butch using drugs and constantly in and out of jail and Catelynn’s mother April an unstable alcoholic. 

Nowadays, things are a lot different for the couple, and we have seen them go through a lot on Teen Mom and Teen Mom OG. We have seen the couple struggle with the adoption of their first daughter Carolyn (Carly), born in 2009, who they technically have an open arrangement with and are supposed to meet every year (although as we’ve seen that doesn’t always end up being the case). Tyler proposed to Catelynn in 2012 and then again in 2015 just before the couple welcomes their daughter, NovaLee (Nova). Later in 2015, the couple released a book: Conquering Chaos, and went on to get married that August. During this time, the couple was also working on the development and launch of their children’s clothing line: Tierra Reign. 

As if all of that wasn’t enough, Catelynn was also struggling with severe postpartum depression, on top of some depression and anxiety she had already been dealing with. In 2016, Catelynn suffered from a miscarriage, and shortly after she entered short-term residential treatment. Shortly after coming home, she went back for a second short stay. At the beginning of this year, Catelynn announced a third stay in treatment, shortly before Tyler’s 26th birthday.

The couple have now been married for a little over three years and are currently expecting a child. As now-26 year old Catelynn says, "It was a huge shock at first. We were not planning it, especially after the miscarriage and how I went downhill with my mental illness...We were going to wait a really long time. We were using protection and everything and still got pregnant. This baby just wanted to be here. It was very unexpected. This baby is our rainbow after the storm. I'm super excited.”

IN MY OPINION, CATELYNN AND TYLER HAVE HAD ONE OF (IF NOT THE MOST) EMOTIONAL STORY LINES OF THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE.

[songketalliance]

Child Rearing Duty is Not Just Women’s

“Why is society or the employers less accommodating of a man’s role in family matter? Does it not seem like this indicates men are less important when it comes to child-rearing?”

A contribution by Sri Akmarlisa

I recently was called on at work for my “excessive tardiness” in the past few months. I admitted my failure in meeting the company’s policy, and made a solemn commitment to improve my attendance. Of course, I didn’t miss a beat to highlight to them that my work performance has not been affected despite that.

In my unit, a man is outnumbered by women at 1:7.  Except for one lady, the rest of us are married. It is very common to have someone being away from work every once in every few weeks. There’s clinic appointments to take a child to, taking a day off at short notice tending to sick kids or husband (!), or managing some emergencies at home. To make up for the office time we took to run personal errands, we regularly stay back during lunch or after office hours to catch up on work and deadlines. At the local clinic, you get to see that it is mostly mothers who are there.

It is very rare that you find a father who brings his child by himself.

Women are expected to take a bigger responsibility to perform duties related to their household and the family’s welfare regardless whether she has a day job or not. I noticed that it is more acceptable for women to be excused from work for such reasons, more so than if it is a man. However, we are also expected to perform as well as the men do at work, hence the expectation to compensate for the lost time. Not that I’m saying this is not a good thing for us women, being the stronger sex. We are capable of meeting expectations that women, indeed, can do it all.

Issue of Paternity Leave was brought up in the Legislative Council in 2013, and again, in this year’s session. Within a space of 5 years, there is still no provision on this issue. Women get 15 weeks of maternity leave to recuperate and bond with their baby. It is disheartening that fathers are most often left out during this vital period. This is the time where women are generally at their most vulnerable state, physically and emotionally. Even being around for a week or two to help with the newborn and catering to your wife’s basic needs such as preparing her herbal bath and meals, makes a difference towards her speedy recovery. Having the husband around to help means she can focus on getting the rest she deserves after the labor, not only for her body, but to her mental being as well. Did she not already have to put up with the changes to her body and hormones during the nine-month pregnancy?

Maternity Leave, contrary to popular opinion, is not “siok”, particularly for the first few weeks. You can’t go anywhere or do anything you like within that 15 weeks (including two weeks before your due date), as compare to for example, going on a leave for holiday or a break from work. Having a new baby means a drastic change in your routine and the family’s dynamic. You may think that Postpartum Depression only affects women, but men can suffer from it too.  Such is the strong effect a child-birth can have, and having each other around for physical and mental support is very beneficial for both parents, and the marriage.  

Most companies do not grant this special leave for fathers, thus requiring them to use their annual leave entitlement instead. Not all companies are generous when it comes to giving annual leave entitlement. Some men have to resort to taking unpaid leave if they have to take more than what they’re entitled to, or used up a big chunk of their leave for the whole year. Some companies only allow a week off for its employee.

It was mentioned that in Brunei, a married couple is still very close to their extended family. This means that there are a lot of helping hands available to take care of the newborn and the mother. Hence, it seems that introducing Paternity Leave is not essential. I have heard of mothers who will take leave from work to take care of her daughter who has recently given birth. Again, the duty of giving primary care post-birth, falls on other women. 

What is the father’s role here? Even if you can afford to hire a help, why should it relieve the father from taking care of his wife and the newborn himself?

Why is society or the employers less accommodating of a man’s role in family matter? Does it not seem like this indicates men are less important when it comes to child-rearing? Why are men’s role reduced as a sperm-donor only, or that their place is to be outside, at work? In Islam, it is obligated for a husband to provide for his wife with meals, clothing, shelters, personal care and medical expenses which is known as nafkah wajib. If the husband has already provided for all the above in accordance to his means and the family’s social standing, should that excuse him from assisting in household and parenting duties?

Thanks to equal opportunity in education and work in Brunei, women contributes significantly to the household earnings. As such, the burden to provide the nafkah is not as heavy on a husband who has a wife who works. However, it does not relieve him from this obligation. So is it not also fair to get the men to also perform the household chores that are generally done by women? We know how rushing for time it can be for women, right from the moment they wake up, to returning from work in the evening, minding the children, cleaning up, performing solat, and on top of that, making sure dinner is served by a certain time. Ask the married women around you, and you will notice how this sentiment of “I wish my husband helps more” echoes almost from every single one of them.  

It is high time that Brunei and its law-makers realize that inclusivity of both genders is important in raising a family, and to act on it. We want men to have the opportunity to give more than the bare minimum when it comes to being involved in bringing up their children, and being hands-on in taking care of the family’s welfare. That, regardless how many thousands of money a husband handed in to fulfill his nafkah’s obligations, it does not defer him from his duty of managing the housework.

The higher up a man goes in his power and position at the workplace, he should not take the easy way out of hiring others to perform his fatherly duties. It is not right that it is only the women are expected to take time away from work to tend to a new born or a sick child, when the father is just as perfectly capable in dealing with their children’s well-being. 

A contribution by Sri Akmarlisa

Ladies, contribute your stories for March’s theme ‘Month of Women’! E-mail us at hi@songketalliance.com with your ideas or article.

Like Songket Alliance on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 158

Chris

"You have to go out of town when?" I ask Trey.

"Friday."

I look at the calendar on my phone. "In 4 days. You coming to Cali?"

"Naw. New York. It's a day trip. I'll leave Friday night and be back by 3 I think."

"I'll be in New York in 4 days." I say lying but adding it to my calendar.

"Yeah?"

I kiss Sevyn on her neck. "Yeah. So what you doing right now?"

"Waiting for Caden to pee."

"Say what? You make being a father sound disgusting."

He chuckles. "They say if he pees without a problem he is healing properly. If that is the case we get to take him home in two days."

"2 days? Shit man. I need to be there in 2 days." I say looking back at my calendar.

"I'm excited to hear that. I had a private conversation with the therapist about Cammie. She says our method was unorthodox but it worked. She wouldn’t have recommended forcing her away from the hospital. She thinks that Cammie is far from having postpartum."

"That's that depression shit, right?"

"Yeah."

I nod. "That's good. You sound like you not really happy about it."

He yawns. "I'm fighting my sleep."

"Nigga I'm sure you don't have to watch his dick to see if he pee."

"Bitch." he laughs slightly. "I'm trying to wait for Cammie to come back."

I text my manager to see if I could get my days changed around. I know I said that I didn't want things piled up but now I need my time for something more important. I feel like I need to be there when the baby comes home.

"Trey?" I snap. Silence. "Bitch ass."

I hang up the phone then kiss Sevyn. She swings her arm at me. I call Mama April. I wanted to talk to somebody about the good news.

"Hey, Chris."

"Hey, Ma. You talked to Trey?"

She blows. "No, is he upset about me not being in Atlanta?"

"No."

"Okay, good. So what's going on with you?"

I stand in front of the mirror. "I'm good. Great. So you ain't hear the good news. Word, let me tell you. Caden just got out of surgery. Trey waiting on him to pee."

She screams. "They... Already. How did it go?"

"I guess good. Trey waiting on him to pee. If he does then they taking him home in two days."

"Chris!" April yells. "Thank God!"

I nod. "Yeap. Cammie doing good too. Therapist says she not even worried about Cammie having the depression thing."

She sighs. "I was so worried about her. Oh Lord. I'm so happy. Let me get my ass to Atlanta."

"Where you even at?"

"Trey don't worry about me like that no more. I'm in Virginia at this store. Had to do a few things. I haven't been here in a while."

"He all into Cammie."

She chuckles. "I used to hate Cammie, you know."

"Did you?"

"I was waiting for Trey to mess up so I can say I told you so."

"What happened?"

"She came to my house and wowed me. Loved her ever since. You know it was only a short while that I hated her. A few days. I thought she was fake but that's just Cammie. Still that blonde perky girl."

I shake my head. "Naw, Ma. Not that pregnant girl."

"Well, yeah not pregnant. I mean nobody can be perky pregnant."

"What kinda gift you getting?"

She takes a while to think. "I don't know. I was looking through his room and he has everything he needs. Even tiny diapers."

"I'm thinking a bear with his name."

"Do you know his name?"

I laugh. "No."

"Caden Elijah Neverson. Don't forget about my jealous Prince. He likes gifts."

"I got Lane. I know what he likes."

She sighs. "I'm so happy. Let me get a flight back to Atlanta. When will you be in Atlanta?"

"I'm coming tomorrow more than likely. Just in case he goes home early."

"My baby coming home. Let me go Chris."

I smile. "I'm not stopping you."

"Love you. And thank you."

"Love you too."

Sevyn look at me. "Who the fuck you on the phone with making plans?"

"Mama." I say showing her the screen. "You hear so good you missed the part about the baby going home."

"I didn't hear shit about a baby. Who baby?"

I make a face at her. "Who else I care about?"

"What?" she sits up. "When? Oh my gosh."

"Two days but Imma be there tomorrow."

She smiles lying her head down. "I know my baby happy. I'm so happy for her. I love her fucking life."

"I told you we can make our own."

"It doesn't matter Chris. I will forever love her life." she giggles. "That's my trophy bitch."

I get on top of her. "You my trophy bitch."

She yawns. "I have a show tomorrow."

"Damn, what time?"

"You go to Atlanta. I'll be there afterwards."

I kiss the middle of her lower back. "I'll do it. You know I'll leave for them."

"Good cause if I didn't have a show and you did. I would leave your ass."

"I have something to go to tomorrow then I'm going." I rub her ass. "With or without you."

She pushes me. "Aren't you supposed to be somewhere? Get ready, Man."

I turn to the clock. "Oh shit. I forgot."

  Cammie

Lane jumps on the bed as I read the story. It was about a dog who found his way back home after being lost. Lane seemed as though he wasn't paying attention but if I try to skip a page he comes over to look at the book. April said it's his favorite. I didn't think he really knew the damn story.

"The End." I say finally.

"The dog happy?" Lane asks getting in my face.

I nod. "Yes, because he made it home and had his favor bed and food waiting for him."

"And he eat the food?"

"Yes he did."

Lane goes to get another book. "Read this, Mommy. Or this?"

"Why do you suddenly give people choices?"

"This one?"

I nod my head. "Yes."

He puts it back. "No, you want this one. K, Mommy?"

"Okay."

"Mommy, this my bed?" Lane ask touching it.

I smile. "Yes."

"Thank you."

"You something else."

He gives me the next book to read. "Mommy, I want some..."

"Some nothing." I say while he think.

"Cookie." he says ignoring me. "Come on, Mommy."

Before I could say anything he slides off of the bed sure that I would follow. I sit the book down then get up. He runs out of the room. I speed my walk up. He would be climbing shelves if I don't hurry up.

"Lane, I'm happy that Caden coming home." I say.

"No, not, Mommy."

"Yes I am."

Lane cuts his eyes at me. For the first time I realize that he is playing. Oh my gosh. I'm sitting here thinking that he is being mean to Caden because he is small and new. He isn't. He is treating Caden like he treats Trey. Why didn't I realize that? I give him two cookies. He runs back out of the kitchen headed for his room. I take my time getting back there. Trey suggested that Caden and Lane share rooms. I think that's too much for someone who is three years older than their sibling. He isn't going to want to share, not everything.

"Mommy cookie." Lane says sitting it on my lap after I get on the bed. "Daylan cookie."

"Who is Daylan?"

He laughs. "I me."

"You Daylan?"

"Yes."

"What is my name?"

He bites his cookie. "Mommy."

"What's my other name?"

"Mommy." he giggles.

I reach for his stomach. He shields it and laughs really hard. He won't say my name but he says Trey's name as a joke. He turns over on his stomach laughing. I rub his back lightly with my nails. He wiggles away from me.

"You Jayla." he says at the foot of the bed. "Cammie Mommy."

"You think you smart?" I reach for him.

He jumps into my hand then starts beating it up. "Mommy."

I grab him bringing him to me. "I love you. Do you love me?"

"Yes." he yells jumping into a hug. "I love Mommy!"

"You just not calming down are you?"

He picks up the cookie then bite it. "I eat you cookie."

"Did you?" I kiss his neck.

"No, Mommy."

I hug him while he eats the cookie. I love my baby so much. When I had him I felt like I couldn't love nobody more than I love him. Caden changed that. I can love somebody, no more, but just as much. I need to focus on Trey. I love him but in the back of my mind I feel like it won't last. I don't want to be hurt by him. You know, at the end of the day he is a entertainer and I know the life they live. I hug Lane. I don't want to think about that. I just want to think about this man that loves me unconditionally.

"Cookie all gone."

"That's fine. I don't care if the cookie gone."

He starts rubbing his eyes finally. I'm going to make sure I'm here when he wakes up. He might know I'm waiting for him to go to sleep to leave him. He starts whining.

"What's wrong?"

"I want Uncle Rollie."

I pick him up and carry him to Rollie. He is sitting in the den watching TV.

"You don't think it's cold in here?"

"No."

I sit Lane on his lap. "It is. Let me get a blanket."

"What happen to waiting til after? I'm not dealing with that."

"He wanted you."

"Solider Puppy." Rollie says holding Lane away from him.

Lane fights him. "No, not."

Rollie chuckles then let him clinch to his neck. I leave out to get Lane a blanket. When I come Rollie is talking to him low. He giggles sleepy and attempts to play. It is in vain. His eyes close. He opens them looking at me.

"Mommy."

"Lane." I say spreading the blanket out then lying down next to Rollie.

He huffs. "Y'all making me hot. Get off me."

I get closer to him. "You take it."

"Where your man?"

"I hate you." I say hitting him. "You had to drag me?"

"You were acting bratty. You already know how it is. That's not the first time I dragged your ass somewhere."

I poke out my lip. "You make me sound crazy."

"Yo, you got this nigga on some other shit. You know that?"

"I know he love me."

Rollie shakes his head. "You that man last bit of sanity. I think if you leave him he gonna be like Michael Jackson in a few years."

"On drugs? He has his kids."

"Yo, I know he done aborted more babies than the abortion clinic. Those kids never had a chance if you weren't their mother."

I shrug. "I'm not going anywhere. That's all irrelevant."

"Good cause I think I like him."

"Really?" I smile. "That makes me happy inside."

He yawns. "I think about moving to LA a lot."

"I'll move to if you do. Trey would love that."

"Don't do much talking yet. I do like Atlanta."

I smile. "I'll just be spending more time at our LA house that's it. Nothing to tell."

"Okay."

"I'm going back to my youngest and hubby."

"You driving? You look tired."

"No, I'm calling the car." I say getting up. "Love you, Rollie."

He lies back with Lane on his chest. "Love you too, Baby."

[thegirlsinthefirehouse]

Descendants, Chapter 41

-----

“Angie has promised Patty that she will go back to school,” said Holtz to Abby a couple of days later while sitting at the dinner table. “I think Patty will call her every day to make sure she adheres to that.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t go visit and make sure she does her homework,” said Abby. She was in the kitchen cooking when Holtz came back upstairs. After a week and a half, she had taken to going into the lab for little bits of time. Abby had held back on going into work, so to speak. She could still monitor their social media stuff from her tablet, and Erin would send her stuff through email and text. Plus they would wander upstairs themselves to come hold Eliana for a few minutes to give Abby a break. It was driving her slightly stir crazy not doing much outside of their home, but it was what needed to be done. The first two weeks were the worst in terms of getting anything accomplished with a newborn. Abby hadn’t gotten much done in the way of housework or cooking since coming home from the hospital and Holtz was taking care of what needed to be done with a little help from Erin. It seemed like Eliana was always in the need of something. But she had managed to get her to sleep for a moment and was working on making chicken Fettuccine Alfredo for dinner. It was just a jar sauce and dry noodles and frozen chicken, but it still smelled good and she wanted some comfort food. The garlic bread smell coming from the oven was making her stomach growl.

“Laundry?” she asked Holtz.

“Done and put away,” said Holtzmann. “You were out like a light.” She paused. “We go through a lot of baby clothes.”

“And spit up cloths,” said Abby. “I swear the other day I had a pile of eight in just a couple of hours, all used.”

Holtz sat down at the kitchen table. “The trials and tribulations of bringing up a newborn human, I gather.”

“If I had to do this at 20, I probably would have killed someone,” said Abby, shaking her head while stirring the sauce. “I can’t even imagine going to school and doing this.”

“And weren’t you dating someone too at the time? It could have been a possibility.”

“Oh geez. Sam. Yeeeeah, no,” said Abby, shaking her head. “I don’t even want to go there figuratively. Although it makes me wonder if Erin would have stayed if I had been dealing with a two year old.”

“Would you have even written the book?” proposed Holtz. “Babies and toddlers need a lot of care.”

“That’s a good... question,” shrugged Abby as she turned off the pasta. She paused before taking it off the stove.

“But that’s another figurative place I’d rather not go to.”

“At least let’s go to the place where there’s pasta and Alfredo sauce,” grinned Holtz. “I’m hungry.” Abby rolled her eyes at her wife and finished draining the pasta. -----

"Abby, I think this place is clean enough," said Patty from the couch. "Your parents are not going to care about anything with this little thing in their arms." Eliana was cooing and squirming at Patty, who went back to teasing the baby with her fingers.

"I know, but part of me is itching to do something," said the brunette. "I want to be working." She let out a deep breath before sitting down beside Patty. "I know Erin's gone with the new kids and I'm just... jealous."

"Mmhmm," nodded Patty. "I can assure you though that Erin is just as jealous of you as you are of her if that helps." Abby started playing with Eliana's little hands.

"A little, but then it makes me feel bad because I know this is something she really wants." Ellie made a loud noise and gestured with her little fists, which they had started to take as a sign that she wanted one of her moms instead of being held by one of the other Ghostbusters. Patty handed the little girl back to Abby, who rocked her carefully.

"She wants to go to sleep, I think," said Abby. "She's getting particular about things.”

"Babies do," said Patty. "Cheyenne said to tell you and Holtz thank you for the flowers. They brightened up her work day."

"She went above and beyond with dinner. I thought Holtz was joking when she said she was going to get Cheyenne to cater," Abby stated. She smiled, thinking of her wife. "And on top of that, she went to your office and played with Ellie for a while so we could have a quiet meal. It was sweet."

"Those eclairs were good, weren't they?"

"Oh god, the best," said Abby. Patty grimaced, looking at Abby.

"But are you good? Holtzy was telling me that you've not been handling some things well."

Abby sighed, feeling the world on her shoulders for a few seconds. "It's not... I know it is just my hormone levels going back to normal and the stress... I don't know. I guess I thought I'd have this kid and go back to work, sort of like what dads used to do. I know it was my choice to breastfeed instead of formula and... I don't know. She's just so... needy. And she seems to love for me to do things more than she does Holtzmann."

"You are more familiar to her," agreed Patty. "But Holtzy is getting in a lot of bonding time. She just has to get a little older and need a little less. It'll come."

"I know," said Abby. "It's just how I feel." She looked down at Eliana, who had drifted off in her mother's arms. "I can't shake it sometimes."

"Don't let it fester," said Patty. "That sort of thing will eat you alive Abby. Postpartum Depression is serious."

"Trying," Abby responded. "Sometimes it's hard to get Holtz to understand."

"She'll listen," said Patty. "Even if she can't." Abby nodded before looking down at Eliana. They both heard the sound of a car pulling into the garage below them.

"And it sounds like Mom and Dad Yates are here," grinned Patty. She cooed at the asleep Ellie. "Looks like you couldn't stay awake long enough for them to get here."

"I'm sure Mom will make sure she wakes up," said Abby with a sigh. "You going back to work?"

"Got a lecture this afternoon," said Patty. "You know those gypsy graves Erin and I went and looked at? Turns out they were members of a group that was thought to be lost. They were secret carriers, and members of the Lăutari Clan. They traveled between the U.S. and Europe bringing information during WWI. No one ever suspected traveling musicians. I got in contact with the Romanian embassy and they helped direct me to a professor in Bucharest. We've been exchanging information, and she directed me to another professor right here in New York. He wants to take over his classes for the day."

"That's great Patty," said Abby. "You stumbled upon something, huh?"

"It's interesting to see how they managed to sneak in things," said Patty. "One even carried notes and maps in a secret compartment on the back of his violin."

There were footsteps on the stairs which sounded like the stomp of Holtz's boots.

"And it sounds like I need to go before the family reunion," Patty said as she stood. "Have fun."

"Thanks," said Abby sarcastically. "Sure you don't want to stay? We would always enjoy the extra company."

"Nope!" said Patty. "I'll let you and Holtzy do this all by yourself."

-----

Cynthia Yates had wandered into the kitchen about three in the morning. She had already gotten a glass of water when she noticed Holtzmann sitting on the couch with Eliana in her arms. She and Doug had already spent most of the evening holding their new grandchild. She couldn't get enough of her new granddaughter. She was in love already and knew they would have to make an effort to make trips to New York more often.

"Shh," said Holtz as she approached the living room in a whisper. "She's just about asleep."

"Woke you up crying?" Holtz nodded.

"Came out here so she wouldn't disturb Abby," said Holtz. "She needs the rest, and I suspected Ellie wasn't hungry."

"She just wanted attention," said Cynthia, looking at Eliana's small face with a smile. "Sometimes babies just get lonely."

Holtz rubbed her daughter's cheek. "She misses being in the womb where she wasn't alone."

"Something like that," said Mrs. Yates. "They need constant assurances that someone is still there for them."

"Don't we all," stated Holtz. She could hear Ellie breathing softly.

"She's beautiful Jillian," said Cynthia after taking a drink of her water. "You and Abby are going to raise a smart and talented little girl."

"Abby will," said Holtz. "I'm probably going to break her." She made a face, scrunching up her nose. Cynthia shook her head.

"You're not going to break her. Children are more resilient than you think."

"That is very true," said a voice, chuckling. "I definitely would have broken one if that were so." Holtzmann looked up and saw Doug Yates standing not far from the couch. "I might not have been as careful as I should have."

"Abby and Austin turned out perfectly fine," said Cynthia, looking up at Doug. He took a few more steps and wrapped his arm around his wife's neck. She patted it before giving his hand a quick kiss. "You did well."

"Taking a few years off and raising the kids was one of the best decisions I made," said Doug. "You're definitely not going to break her, Holtzmann." They all three heard the small squeak of a door.

"And why is everyone having a family meeting at 3:23 in the morning?" complained Abby, wiping the sleep out of her eyes as she stood in the doorway of her and Holtz's bedroom. "And without me?"

"Only time we can talk about you is when you're not here," teased Holtzmann. "I was just about to tell your mom and dad about that feminist magazine that found out we were expecting and wants to write a story about us being in STEM fields, finding love, and raising a child together."

"Really?" asked Cynthia. "Sounds like it would make for a lovely article."

Abby groaned. "And more fodder for... whatever group that wants to turn what we have into a bad thing."

"But it's also a good thing," said Doug, going over and hugging his daughter. "It could inspire some people."

"Maybe," agreed Abby, leaning into her dad. "But for now, could we take this moment to inspire some more sleep before breakfast?"

"Nah," said Holtz, moving Ellie around in her arms. "I need to catch up on the latest Yates family gossip."

"And I need to hear more about your friends starting to adopt or take in children," said Cynthia. "I think Patty and her wife will be wonderful foster parents."

-----

“Okay,” said Abby, looking at Holtz. She had just fed Eliana, who was sleeping away in the sling across Holtzmann’s body. “Are you sure you’re going to be fine?”

“Pfffft,” said Holtz as she looked down in the sling. “We got this, don’t we Ellie?” Abby didn’t look too convinced. Eliana’s appetite had increased recently, and feedings were longer and getting more on demand than on the clock.

“Abs, seriously. We’ll be fine. You’re only going to be gone a couple of hours. Ellie has two loving aunts who can help out, and you did pump some extra milk just in case of traffic and construction or the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. We’re good.”

“I just need to see Mom and Dad to the airport and pick up a few things,” said Abby. “It shouldn’t take me long.”

“Flight plan has been logged,” said Holtz with a salute. “Your parents are already waiting downstairs for the cab. You’re cleared for takeoff.”

Abby wrung her hands for a moment, knowing the minute she walked out the door, something was going to happen. She just knew it. She was conflicted for a second. Holtz sighed loudly.

“I will get Kevin to come up here and hoist you over his shoulders and make you go.”

“Like Kevin--”

“Might I remind you of that time you got really drunk after that one really difficult bust that brought back some old nightmares?”

Abby whimpered, preferring not to think of those events. She huffed.

“Fine, I’m going.”

“Bring home the stuff to make cheese steaks for dinner.”

“Yes Mom,” said Abby, rolling her eyes at Holtz, who grinned happily.

“I am, and don’t you forget it. Ellie, wave goodbye to Mommy.” She picked up her daughter’s hand and waved it. “We’ll be fine Abby.”

“I know. It’s just--”

“Bye Abs.”

Abby breathed deep and started for the door. Once it shut behind her, Holtz laughed.

“Your Mommy is way, way overprotective,” she said to Eliana. “But I guess I can’t blame her if I had been carrying you inside of me for so many months too.” Holtz swayed a little, enjoying feeling her daughter so close to her body.

“You and I are going to have fun, Ellie.” Holtz waited a couple more minutes, then headed for the staircase. She peeked her head inside Patty’s office but didn’t see her. Holtzmann went on down to the first floor and saw both Patty and Erin sitting at the conference table. She knew the new team was out on a mission and it was only the four of them.

“She gone?” asked Holtz.

“Just went out the door a minute ago with her mom and dad,” said Patty. “Nearly didn’t make it huh?”

“God, she was trying everything to not go,” said Holtzmann, carefully sitting down in a chair before adjusting the sling so she could take a now awake Ellie out and lay her in her arms instead. “You’d think she was permanently attached to the place.”

“It has been a couple of weeks of cooling her heels here,” said Patty. “And a lot of baby time.”

“Which is why I need to push her out the door,” said Holtz. “So she’s not driving me stir crazy.”

“Wasn’t that what she said about you a couple of weeks ago?” Erin said, smirking.

Holtz made a face at Erin and held her daughter upright against her chest so her head and neck were supported. She started using her hands to make her daughter’s legs dance on the table. Patty and Erin both chuckled as Eliana soft-shoed on the shiny surface. She was somewhat fascinated by what her mother was doing with her feet.

“Hey Erin, pull out your phone,” said Holtz. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her own.

“What? Why?” said Erin, reaching for hers. Holtz grinned.

“We’re making a video to send to Abby.”

-----

Abby heard her text tone go off. She had been trying to hurry after she had taken a little longer in the bookshop she had stopped in on her way to grocery store. She hoped Eliana wasn’t getting fussy on Holtz yet.

“She’s probably getting hungry,” sighed Abby as she stopped to check her phone. But the text hadn’t come from Holtz, but Erin. And it included a video. Abby realized she was standing next to a Starbucks with few free outdoor tables. She sat down her bag from the bookstore and hit play on the video. She was confused for a second before she recognized the conference table. She groaned when she saw Holtz’s gloved hands guiding their daughter’s tiny feet down onto the surface. She was wearing little red and white Vans Holtz had found and insisted Eliana needed. She almost started laughing when a little card was placed in front of the camera that read:

For Mommy.

Eliana seemed to be rather enjoying when *NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye started to play and Holtz started making her little arms and feet dance. Abby held a hand over her mouth, trying to keep from laughing and crying. She could hear Erin and Patty laughing in the background of the video. Holtz’s own dance moves were questionable, but she was pretty good at coordinating little newborn limbs. Abby did start laughing when a little baby hand was pretending to open and close like in the dance from the music video. She put a hand over her heart.

“Holtzmann...” she said out loud, shaking her head. She watched till the end of the video where Holtz had Eliana wave bye-bye and who coincidentally let out a huge yawn before closing her eyes. Abby texted her wife.

So this is what you’re going to do with our child while I’m out. - Abby

It didn’t take long till Abby got a reply back.

And she’s sleeping like a baby. Doesn’t even know you’re gone. - Holtzmann

Abby almost wanted to be sarcastic and say something about how much she was really needed and that Ellie was a baby, but instead, hit play on the video one more time. She smiled through the whole thing. She started to close it out when she heard a voice.

“Noooo... play it again.” Abby looked up surprised and saw two female Starbucks wait staff standing behind her. One of them had a hand over her mouth like she had been shocked she had spoken.

“It’s so cute,” gushed the other, picking up where her friend had left off. “Is that on YouTube?”

“No, it’s my wife and newborn daughter,” said Abby. “They’re apparently having fun at home.”

“The baby is yours?” gasped the waitress who had first spoken. “So cute! How old is she?”

“Almost four weeks now,” said Abby, feeling bewildered. “You were... watching?”

They both looked sheepish.

“Well, I saw and I pulled her in,” said one of the waitresses as she pointed to the other. “We had come out to clean the tables.”

“We’re sorry!” said the other, still looking sheepish. “We can get you a coffee?”

Abby felt a little weird that they had been watching over her shoulder, but free caffeine...

“One more watch for a coffee?” she offered.

“It’s a deal!” said the waitress who spoke first. Abby laughed to herself and hit play.

-----

“Oh Dad, you need to see these,” said Holtz. She had dragged him into her lab after he had come to meet his grand baby. He had been through the flu and a cold and had not wanted to get the baby sick so soon in her life. So he had stayed at home and Holtz had sent lots of pictures and video. The weather had held back Abby’s parents a couple of weeks too as Michigan and the surrounding area had a couple more snowstorms to round out the season, as did New York. Holtzmann had been a little relieved about it all. It had been a little rough at first, trying to adjust schedules. They had a few stumbling blocks here and there, but Eliana was starting to get into the groove of the whole life thing. She really liked to play, which Holtz had been proud of since she had often played with Eliana while she was still in the womb. She also loved to hear Abby read to her. It didn’t matter what it was, just as long as she could hear her Mommy. Even her just reading her emails and bust summaries was interesting.

“What have you built now?” said Dean Holtzmann, chuckling as he followed Holtz into her and Jen’s shared lab. Although Holtz had enjoyed Jen’s company, she was going to be glad to have everything back in the place where it should be.

“I haven’t shown Abby yet,” said Holtzmann, humming to herself as she pulled out two large boxes from the back of the lab space. “So...”

“Not a peep from me, I promise,” smirked Dean. He watched as she pulled out a mini-proton pack which looked very similar to the ones his daughter and their team worked with.

“Why am I not surprised?” he laughed. Holtz put it in Dean’s hands, turning it on. It lit up with LED lights.

“Please tell me this doesn’t work...” he began. Holtz rolled her eyes.

“Hit the button on the proton wand.”

He did so and laughed when multicolored bubbles came out of it.

“That’s brilliant kid. You might want to patent it and sell it.”

“Nah,” Holtz grinned. “One of a kind prototype. At least, for now.”

“More grand babies?” he said, looking at his daughter bemusedly.

“Let us get through this one first,” she said, opening the other box. This one was a little larger than the other. She took out a little handmade car and sat it on the floor. Dean was surprised. It looked exactly like the Ghostbusters vehicle.

“Is that...”

“A walker,” said Holtz proudly. “And as Ellie gets older, it’ll be a pedal car she can ride around in.”

“That is cute,” Dean said, smiling. “And smart. Although I don’t know about my grandchild riding around in a mini-hearse.”

“Then you probably don’t want to hear that she came home from the hospital in the full sized one then.”

“No, but I do want to see these baby dancing videos that Abby says you keep on making for her and the others and not sharing or posting.”

----- Erin had come upstairs to talk to Abby about transferring files to the new team once they had gotten settled when they heard a scream from downstairs. It was not long after they heard feet stomping up the stairs.

“It’s official,” said Patty after getting to the top. “Cheyenne and I have our first foster child!” She was still holding onto her phone in a firm grip even though she was slightly shaking. “He’s 13, loves to read, and is big into science. He just lost his mom. I hate that for him.”

“No dad?” asked Erin. Patty shook her head.

“Not in the picture. And no living relatives.”

“Damn,” grimaced Holtz, going and leaning against the arm of the couch. She had followed Patty up the stairs from her lab.

“Patty and Cheyenne will take care of him,” said Abby, getting up from where she had been sitting and talking to Erin and hugged Patty. “Congratulations.”

“It’s a big step,” she said. “But this is what we both want to do.” Abby nodded.

“When will they bring him to you?” asked Erin, getting up and hugging Patty as well.

“Two weeks,” said Patty. “They’re trying to place him quickly since he has nowhere to go. He’s already staying with a neighbor who had sat with him from time to time while his mom was at work.”

“Sounds like you need to get busy then,” Erin added.

“There’s so much we’ve got to do,” said Patty. “They said they’d bring all his things from their place, but I feel like we need to have him something new to welcome him to our home...”

“TV and video gaming system,” piped up Holtz. “He’ll be the happiest teenager.”

“Probably would be the best option,” agreed Erin.

“It works for Holtz,” gestured Abby at her wife. Holtzmann stuck her tongue out at her. A cry interrupted them.

“I’ll go get her,” said Holtz. She headed over to the nursery. Abby sighed, scratching her shoulder.

“I had just put her down...”

“She wants in on the good news,” said Erin. She looked over to Patty, who shook her head.

“Still haven’t heard anything from her.” Erin nodded, biting her lip.

“I kind of got the impression that Sondra might have wanted to keep her grand baby the last time we talked on the phone.”

“Yeah, I was afraid of that too,” said Patty with a grimace. “But there’s still adoption, right? And you did your home study.”

“There is that,” said Erin, trying to smile.

“They really did like you and David,” Patty said sadly. “It’s just... you know, family...”

“I get it,” said Erin with a nod. “I wouldn’t have the heart to accept when I know Deandra’s mother would want the child.”

“Maybe you’ll hear something soon,” offered Abby. She looked over when Holtz brought Eliana over to the group. “Until then, you can borrow ours.”

Erin laughed at that as Holtz nodded vigorously. She deposited a crying Ellie into Erin’s arms. <– Prev | Next –> 

[avaalons]

Chris Evans Fic: His Girls Episode 2 (Young and in Love Part 5)

Just be warned that the following deals with issues of postpartum depression.

All parts to this series:

Young & in Love

Part 1: Beard & Glasses & Pushed Back Hair

Part 2: At Some Point

Part 3: The Dogs Aren’t Allowed Upstairs

Part 4: His Girls Episode 1

Part 5: His Girls Episode 2

***

After settling Annie in her crib, Chris had checked on you and had found you starfish style on the bed, still wearing your dress with your heels on and your make up, but completely passed out on your back on top of the comforter. He had hoped that would be the case. His mind had been overflowing with questions when you stumbled into the family room but he also knew that it wasn’t the time to be starting something that was potentially going to lead to an argument. He’d wanted to gauge your reaction to him, and to Annie, and he’d been left feeling more than a little confused.

Approaching you, his socked footsteps muted by the thick carpet, he noticed how in sleep he felt like you were more the woman he knew. More vulnerable maybe, and with the mask gone, your brow was furrowed. Clearly, even the alcohol wasn’t dulling whatever was bothering you now that you were out cold.

‘What’s going on with you, baby girl?’ He whispered to himself defeatedly, feeling more than a little hopeless and powerless now that he had seen your strange demeanour with his own eyes. Chris realised that he’d half-hoped his mom had got it all wrong, but he too had felt like he was stood in a room with a stranger.

Nevertheless, he set about making you as comfortable as he could without disturbing you from sleep, starting with your feet. He undid the thin ankle straps of your shoes and slipped them off, massaging your soles slightly to stretch out your toes and stop the muscles from cramping after being at such a high gradient all evening before standing them up in a pair in the empty space on your side of the closet. Next was your jewellery, carefully and methodically he removed your bracelets, necklace and earrings, all of them pieces that he’d given you over the years either bought for special occasions or just because. Like the shoes, Chris returned the jewellery back to its place of belonging, finding some strange comfort in being able to do this, knowing that not everything in his life or his home was now a mystery to him.

Having decided that your dress could stay where it was as its loose swing design and thin material weren’t going to cause you too many problems, he retrieved the thickest, softest blanket he could find from the trunk at the end of the bed. Pulling it over you from your feet, he covered you up, only stilling his movements when you shifted towards him, rolling on to your side and pulling your knees up, curling inwardly on yourself. Confident that you were still fast asleep, he tucked the blanket around your form and slowly sank down to perch on the mattress next to you, in the cove you had created with your legs, running his fingers lightly over your forehead and stroking your hair out across the pillow.

There had always been so much love between you. He adored you, and you him, of that he had always been sure. He remembered how nervous you had been to tell him that you were pregnant and couldn’t help but wonder now if those nerves were less to do with telling him and more about having a baby in general. But if that was the case, you’d never let on during your pregnancy. Chris sat, wracking his memories of the last nine months, trying to find something that he might have simply overlooked at the time but that would easily explain all of this strangeness away. He came up empty.

Leaning forward slowly, he pressed a gentle kiss against your cheek and whispered against your skin, ‘Hi sweetheart - you’re right, I have missed you. I always have done and I always will, because I love you, you know I do, more than I can put into words. But this time I’ve come home and I still miss you, because I’ve not actually seen you yet. I don’t know what’s happened in the two weeks I’ve been gone, so you’re going to have to help me out a little here, okay?’

After sitting in silence for a few more moments, replaying the heartbreaking moment he watched the mother of his child not even acknowledge her own daughter and wondering how he was going to fix this, he rose wearily and padded to the bathroom for some painkillers and a glass of water before leaving them on the nightstand next to you, figuring you would need them in the morning.

Ensuring he had the monitor, he descended the stairs and moved through the house, checking the doors and windows were locked before letting Dodger out of the utility, who was excited to finally be reunited with his human.

‘Sorry bud, had some things I needed to take care of. You’ve been so patient, good boy.’

Chris ruffled his dog’s fur and rubbed his belly before indicating for him to follow him upstairs. In the nursery, Chris settled in the armchair again, Dodger curled up at his feet, calmed by the quiet breathing of his daughter. Glancing at his watch, it was still only half one in the morning, meaning it was half four in Boston and his mother would definitely be asleep. He’d call her in the morning and let her know he was back in LA to sort everything out. And he would. He had to, or he’d be failing as a father and as a partner.

***

For the second time, Chris awoke to cries. His eyes shot open to find Dodger startled from sleep and staring at the crib, his posture defensive, shortly followed by the door flying open and Helen scurrying into the room. Seeing Chris half out of his chair, she stopped and immediately apologised.

‘Sorry, Mr Evans, I didn’t realise… do you want me to take her?’ she gestured towards the crib with her head. She was dressed for the day so must have been up and about for a short while at least.

'Don’t worry Helen, I must have fallen asleep here last night. Please, call me Chris. I’ll see to Annie this morning, it’s nice to spend some time with her. Has it just been you around this morning?’

Helen nodded and made to back out of the room the way she came, 'I’ll go and make a start on prepping the milk.’

'Thanks Helen.’

Despite his reservations when his mom had told him about the hiring of a nanny, on first impressions he thought that Helen seemed a good choice. She was probably in her late fifties, seemed polite and efficient and like she knew what she was doing. He wondered idly if she had family of her own; she did have a sort of maternal air about her. She kind of reminded him of your mom, and maybe that’s why you had employed her. He also reminded himself to check that you’d had her sign an NDA, especially with everything that was going on at the moment. The last thing any of you needed was this all leaking to the press via an 'undisclosed source’. But, he mused wryly, it seemed unlikely that undisclosed sources were needed when you were out every night anyway. Please, please let you have been going to discrete places. The tabloids and magazines would not be friendly to a celebrity mom of a six week old being spotted out drinking and clubbing every night. Maybe it was time to get PR involved and do some preemptive damage limitation - as much as could be done anyway.

'Let’s get you fed and ready for the day, Miss Evans. It’s going to be a busy one.’

***

Chris had tried, over the preparations for Annie’s breakfast, to pump Helen for information, but there seemed to be a lot she wasn’t saying. That was a good sign of her ability to be discrete at least.

'She’s… done what she can. She has been very busy, with her work and the events she has to attend for networking, so she’s not had a lot of time really.’

'I believe you met my mother a few days ago?’

'Yes, Lisa - I hope you don’t mind, she told me to call her that - stayed for four days. She really dotes on little Annie, doesn’t she?’

Chris smiled at that, 'Yeah, that’s my mom. All these grandchildren but each one is just as special as the first for her. How were things while my mom was around?’

'Easier… I think. But I could tell that Lisa found it all a bit strange. She tried to get information out of me too,’ a knowing grin brightened Helen’s features, her hands wrapped around a steaming mug of tea, 'You’re very similar. Now, you should know I’m not in the habit of gossiping or talking behind someone’s back, especially when the topic of conversation is a new mother, but do understand that however you think she should be behaving at the moment, she is trying her very best. That 'best’ might only be acknowledging her baby and holding her a couple of times a day, but if she’s struggling already, then those couple of times will be the hardest thing she does in every twenty four hour period.’

Chris looked down at the cherubic bundle in his arms and couldn’t imagine having to force himself to hold her. He was at loss to imagine how this had happened - he’d had four weeks with both his girls before he’d had to leave and you’d seemed such a natural. The birth had been a little traumatic and drawn out but you’d both come through, safe and sound and had settled, seemingly, into a good routine. How things could have changed so dramatically in such a short space of time, Chris had no idea.

'Do you think there’s something wrong with her?’ Chris asked, somewhat reluctant to hear the answer.

Helen was silent for a moment, possible responses flashing across her face, thinking about how to respond to one of her employers who she had only met for the first time last night, and who was clearly frightened by what he had come home to. Except for the fact he was cradling his daughter, Helen thought he looked just like a scared little boy, not knowing how to proceed or what to do for the best, just trying to keep it together.

'I think… she’s a little overwhelmed and unsure about the mother version of herself. It’s really hard, a few weeks in, when the visitors have stopped, daddy goes back to work and the shock and adrenaline is wearing off, and you realise there’s no going back now, that you’re in charge of this tiny little life. I think she’s going to need you to be as patient and as understanding as you can be, even though you must be confused and frustrated.’

Chris inclined his head in acknowledgement.

'I thought everything was perfect. We’re a family, everything we’ve ever wanted, how can it not be perfect? I’d never felt happier, until I heard from my mom.’

'Perfection is hard thing to live up to, in my experience. Striving for perfection in all things can often do more harm than good. No parent is perfect, Chris.’

'You think she feels like I’ve put her under too much pressure?’

'I don’t know her, or you, well enough to say, but I’d be willing to bet everything I have that she’s putting herself under too pressure, with or without your contribution, as most new moms do. Everyone thinks you’re supposed to be the most happy, glowing, joy-filled person on earth when in reality, you’re running on two hours of sleep, can’t take a shower, can’t clean your house, are scared to go outside, and are basically used as a milk machine. And you’re supposed to instantly feel this incredible bond with the one reason for all of this. It’s a lot to take in.’

'But… look at this baby. She’s so beautiful and innocent. I look at her and feel nothing but love and affection. I just want to hold her all the time. I’d die for her, I’m pretty sure.’

Helen let out a short laugh at that, 'I know, but you men get it fairly easy. Your bodies don’t change beyond all recognition, your hormones don’t turn you into an emotional wreck, you didn’t have to push that little cutie out of you, and I can guarantee she didn’t feel so little when your girlfriend was squeezing her out. You get all the good stuff, and you get to go back to your normal life after a few weeks, while hers has changed forever.’

'I can’t agree with the last part. The rest I get, but my life has changed too. It won’t ever be the same. I might have gone back to my version of normal in terms of the work I was doing, but all I’m thinking about now while I’m there are my girls at home, wishing I was with them, hoping they’re okay, wondering what they’re doing without me.’

If Helen disagreed with that, she didn’t voice it, 'And you seem to have adjusted to that change very quickly and very well. It’s taking that new mother upstairs a little longer, that’s all.’

'Have you got children, Helen, if you don’t mind me asking?’

'Oh, mine are all grown up now. One lives out in New York, career girl, top of her field, and my son lives here in California with his wife and their five year old. A little boy, Jake,’ Helen spoke about them all with pride, quickly showing Chris a few snaps on her cell. They seemed like a stable, happy family and Chris hoped against hope that that was what his future looked like.

***

At around eleven am, Chris asked Helen to take Annie around the block in her stroller. He’d decided he was going to bite back his confusion and irritation and go as gently as possible with you. Clearly, you had not been adjusting to motherhood as well as you had appeared two weeks ago and Chris didn’t want to give you cause to shrink further into yourself or, worse, run.

So he crept into the bedroom, the space shrouded in darkness from the heavy curtains. You must have been dozing, rather than in a deep sleep, because your eyes flickered open as he entered and you made out the shape of him moving through the room.

'Morning sunshine, how are you feeling?’ Chris’ quiet, gravelly voice floated to you.

'Okay-ish, I think. It was a big networking event, you know how clients get when they’ve had a few double mixers,’ you winced as little as you sat up, the pounding in your head intensifying as you moved. Chris sat down on the bed and turned towards you, taking one of your hands in his, but said nothing.

'Thanks for the water and painkillers. I woke up about two hours ago I think and I took them then. Did you cover me up and stuff?’

'Yeah, didn’t want you to be cold. Your shoes and jewellery are all back where they belong.’

'Thanks,’ you said again, quietly, squeezing his hand slightly. 'It’s good to have you home. Why are you home by the way? You’re not due back for another two weeks.’

'I know, but I missed my girls and after speaking to my mom, I realised there were a few things you hadn’t told me in our phone conversations.’

You bristled at that, instantly on the defensive, pulling your hand out of his.

'Your mom?’ you rolled your eyes, unable to stop the reflexive action, 'She told you what a shitshow of a mother I am, I guess?’

'Hey, don’t be like that. She was worried for you, and I have to say, sweetheart, when I heard you gone back to work and hired a live-in nanny without even mentioning it to me in passing, let alone having a discussion about it, I was worried too,’ Chris kept his voice level. He almost said 'Annie’s only six weeks old’ but he didn’t want to sound accusatory, 'Why didn’t you tell me?’

'Precisely because I didn’t want you to worry. I should have known Lisa would pull something like this. Have you racing across the country because your inadequate girlfriend can’t look after your kid,’ you pulled your hand away when Chris tried to reach for it again and pulled the blanket back so you could swing your legs over the side of the bed and stand up, 'I thought she’d be happy to see I’d hired someone to look after the baby. Someone much more qualified than me anyhow. I’m taking a shower.’

You spat out the last couple of sentences and stomped to the bathroom. You heard Chris call out after you, more insisting that that wasn’t what he or his mom meant, but you’d shut the door and blocked him out. You switched the shower to the hottest setting, ragged your dress over your head and threw it in a scrunched ball across the bathroom, watching in irritation as it dropped to the floor harmlessly. Leaning on the counter, you looked up to reluctantly gaze at your reflection in the mirror and saw what an absolute mess you looked.

You were pale and pinched under the make up, your dark eyeliner smudged far from where it had been applied. Your lipstick had been smeared off as you slept, leaving a lurid outline of oily colour staining your dry, cracked lips. Your eyes went downwards without your permission, forcing you to look at your swollen, uncomfortable breasts, your rounded hips and the wobbly pouch of a stomach that had once been flat and toned, crisscrossed with violent red lines.

As you looked at it all, the reminder of what you had been through, you felt the fear rising in you. The memories of giving birth came crashing upon you before you could stop them: memories of the blood, of the pain, of seeing implement after implement disappearing between your legs, of hearing the shouts and commands, of seeing strangers faces gathered around, of not being able to breathe or speak or scream, of being unable to focus on Chris’ face, of not knowing where he was, of genuinely feeling like you were going to die. You felt every single one, didn’t even try to fight them because you knew it was useless.

You simply reached over to the shower controls and turned the power up to full, the water now blasting in jets out of the shower head. You figured the noise of it against the tiles would be loud enough that Chris wouldn’t hear your heaving sobs, and hopefully the heat and the piercing jets against your back as you sat in the bottom of the shower with your arms around your knees would be enough to distract your mind from the visions. Hopefully for long enough that you could get yourself together before going out to face him again.

[hellstate--rp-blog]

↪ b a s i c s ;

N A M E: Scarlette Benoîte Victoïre Sauveterre-Morgan A G E: 25 P L A C E   O F   O R I G I N: Bel Air, Los Angeles G R O U P: Cheyenne Country Club O C C U P A T I O N: Healer F C: Hayden Panettiere

❝ But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself. ❞

↪ p e r s o n a l i t y ;

P O S I T I V E   T R A I T S: educated ; determined N E G A T I V E   T R A I T S: vulnerable ; naive

↪ b i o g r a p h y ;

L I F E   B E F O R E   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

And thus she was born, the only child of a billionaire stock broker and his wife - the (former) highly sought after French runway model; and her name was Scarlette Benoîte Victoïre Sauveterre. Growing up in Los Angeles was a wonderful experience, especially for a young girl living in Bel Air. She went to the best private schools, she was given all the privileges that money could buy; ballet lessons, violin lessons, piano, tennis, guitar… private tutors. Scarlette was one of the luckiest children on her block.

It was at the boarding school she attended, during an exchange program to Paris (with the school her mother had attended in her adolescence) that she met Raquel, who was three years her senior and living for a year in Paris as she built her photography portfolio. The girls clicked instantly, despite the fact that Raquel was nineteen and Scarlette was sixteen, and became close friends throughout Scarlette’s six month exchange, and when she returned - Raquel became Scarlette’s closest confidante. Her family was quite upperclass and thus rather liked showing off their daughter. Though Scarlette didn’t inherit her mother’s statuesque, sleek figure but she was a beauty in her own right and her parents, as well as herself, enjoyed dressing up and hosting parties in their three storey mansion as they socialised with the creme de la creme of society.

Her life, in all honesty, was quite simple until she came out to her parents at seventeen, and even that was not such a big deal. Her mother shed a tear at the idea that she would not have a grandchild and her father demanded to know why she hated men, but after a long discussion and all their questions were answered - everything was resolved. Shortly after she graduated her high school, she was accepted pre-med into the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and her parents gift to her was to buy her, and her now acknowledged and accepted (and more or less a member of the family) girlfriend Raquel.

In the new few years they studied, worked, Raquel proposed and Scarlette cried - they were married and all was well. Raquel studied fine art and fashion photography (which pleased Scarlette’s mother greatly, bringing back many good memories) and cartography. Scarlette continued in pre-med with plans to move on to specialize in general surgery… and then they made the decision to start a family. So, when Raquel was twenty-six she gave birth to their first child, Edward ‘Teddy’ Sauveterre-Morgan.

L I F E   D U R I N G   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

The outbreak happened a mere few months after Edward was born, and Raquel had not fared well after the birth. Suffering from a bought of postpartum depression, though she’d bonded well with Edward at the beginning, the relationship was strained when she contracted thrush and was no longer able to breastfeed him. Raquel could not accept the way her own body looked after childbirth despite how Scarlette’s objections because to her, her wife looked as beautiful as the day they met. Raquel had sought help and been in therapy for three months prior to the outbreak and had been making great steps - and then it all fell apart.

Leaving Teddy with the au pair they had hired to help out during Raquel’s postpartum depression, Scarlette had walked to meet her wife after her therapy session, they picked up some lunch and a coffee - Scarlette presented Raquel with a bunch of lilies (her favourite flowers) and they walked home hand in hand. However, the door was open. Their house was almost silent. Rushing inside, they tore through the house - the nursery, their rooms, the au pair’s rooms - they found nothing. Until a heartbreaking shriek reached Scarlette’s ears and she ran to Raquel’s aid - there was no word to describe the emotion that flooded through her at the time, seeing her child dead, bloodied and snarling and gnawing with a toothless mouth at Raquel’s arm as she tried to soothe him. Of course they’d heard the rumours, they’d heard the stories - but as far as they were aware, it hadn’t made it’s way to LA, nor even America - their government had told them it wasn’t an issue in the USA, that there weren’t even case. The stories and reports they’d heard were all from Europe and that was the only reason why Scarlette didn’t allow herself to worry too much - forced herself not to worry, but Raquel did.

Attempting to soothe her wife and coerce her into placing Teddy back in his cot, Scarlette almost didn’t hear the sound of shuffling footsteps and watery growling coming from the en suite of the guest room - it was clear their au pair was long gone from the brief glimpse that Scarlette caught before the ‘dead’ women lunged at Raquel and Teddy.

She screamed so loud she thought the windows panes would shatter as Raquel attempted to push their au pair away from their child - and watched in horror as a chunk of her wife’s arm was torn from her body and Teddy scratched with his tiny nails at his mothers chest and throat. Bites and blood and screaming and she knew that she was crying as she grabbed their au pair by her hair and pulled her away, onto the ground and dragged her into the en suite where she locked and barricaded the door shut. It was chaos and pain and the phones weren’t working - Raquel was crying and clutching their screaming, snarling dead son and Scarlette didn’t know what to do - she just cried.

Raquel had run from the room, leaving Teddy in his cot (what could they do? was he even their son anymore?) and Scarlette finished barricading the door before following after her. It just seemed to get worse and worse - the buzzing of the electric knife was like a death march to her ears, and when she ran into the kitchen it was like a scene from Evil Dead - Raquel screaming and crying as she drove the knife into her arm, intending to severe the section of the arm that had been bitten. But she had no tourniquet and blood spattered across their cabinets and floor at an alarming rate - Scarlette was pre-med, not qualified, she didn’t know how to do this. She ripped her belt from her jeans as she shouted at Raquel to stop - but her wife didn’t, muttering and groaning about how she didn’t want to walk around without a soul - only allowing Scarlette to apply her belt as a tourniquet above the wound. The wet thwack as her detached limb hit the ground was spine-chilling, her wife’s head lolling around as the knife slipped from her hands. Blood loss. Scarlette was at least able to cauterise the wound with a superheated frying pan on their stove and stitch and clean it as best she could.

For over a week she fought the infection with everything she had in her house, she cleaned the wound and tended to her wife, but she knew what was going to happen. She knew, but it didn’t stop her from falling apart when Raquel died in her sleep as she succumbed to her. Terrified of what was going to come next, she locked and barricaded the secondary guest room that she had set Raquel up in and hid in the master bedroom they shared where she cried for almost a three days straight. It was happenstance that the same moment some of her med school friends smashed down her door was the same moment she’d tied the noose around her neck and stepped off her chest of drawers. It was those people who saved her, Charlie who held her up as Linsday sliced through the rope, and it was Joshua who found Raquel and put her down, and Leah who put down baby Teddy. They kept her alive - from Bel Air all the way to Wyoming even though she’d already lost the will to live.

L I F E   A F T E R   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

They travelled constantly, showing her how to end the lives of the dead - which in itself was confusing enough - but they learned. They were medical students, they should have known anyway. Months passed, their group waxed and waned, but the five of them stayed the center. As time passed Scarlette healed herself - her heart, mourning always her wife and child, but allowing herself to move on in the best way she was able, for all the sorrow in her heart, Scarlette remained almost unscathed on the outside. The loss of her child and her wife weighed heavily on her every day, but she tried her best. She always tried her best.

As the best med-student and the top of her class, it was Scarlette who became the group’s unofficial head doctor - she figured out that if you could amputate a limb within the first seven minutes (though there were a lot of variables) that most of the time, you could avoid becoming infected… like a snake bite, almost, she said. Though, after infection and blood loss - more people died than survived the amputations, but she had to try. They all had to try.

Many months later, the rotters were too numerous for the group - overrun and spread out, Scarlette fled with Leah and her boyfriend as they attempted to clear an area. Trying to restart their lives without the three others that had been like family was hard, made harder still when Leah’s boyfriend accused Scarlette of trying to steal Leah away from her - then attacked her in a paranoid, drunken outburst. Injuring Scarlette - a fractured arm, he was only stopped when Scarlette stabbed him with a nail file she’d found the day before and kicked him in the chest so hard that he tumbled back and fell into the tin cans they’d strung up to notify them of nearby rotters.

Terrified and furious, she ran from their camp, on foot - leaving their car behind and, days later, collapsed from exhaustion in a makeshift tent on the outskirts of a small town. It was a young woman, Adalene Flores, who found the unconscious and dehydrated Scarlette and brought her back to Cheyenne, and to the Country Club which became her home.