#shawn mendes caring
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maybe-boys-do-love · 2 months ago
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Finally organized a list for myself of all my gay guesses about the GMMTV boys…because I know speculating on people’s sexualities in public forums like social media can be really damaging (although tumblr seems to be the home of the most reasonable discussions about it) but, as a gay guy, speculating privately with no expectations or demands is pretty integral to my lifestyle…
So let it be known that I’m always here to gossip in messenger with people who are chill about it for fun 💁🏻‍♀️
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spxrm · 2 months ago
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Shawn, baby, I don’t care what anybody says. Pls don’t ever let go of/suppress that sensitivity in you. It is such a blessing to feel things deeply and sometimes it may seem annoying or overwhelming, but it truly is a gift. There are people who literally feel nothing or don’t know how to express their emotions, so to be able to feel so naturally is beautiful.
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pastellmochi · 6 days ago
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non paralive moots im begging yuo listen to my wife singing
#i was behind the camera nd i never blinked once lookinf at him i will jeffthge killer style burnoff my eyelids so th better i can lookathimw#i need to put My oil in his pores#i woudl fry my food w his face oil i'll let him feed me cockroaches and set me on fire like the one vid of the guy w the cockroach as long#s i get to set him on fire back i hope they project this on time square toe curlinf music tha t makes me gag if i was a vampire and he was#n his period. strawberry jam im in the background of all the shots just watching him itmust be crazy goinf from ibuki imperialism#sitch to kenta character focus all rise for the anthem of every country ever united under one stupid greenfHIS EXTRA VERSE IS PLAYOING OAOO#kenta shimeji that deletes all my shit and only plays his songs#gonna recite thi slike a mantra to myself rock myself back and forth in a corner if i get out of a parakive concert itll look like attempte#murder but i did it all myself in will be the guardian angel to everyone who worked on this everything after gokuluck is opposite of peak#poo. opposite of peak is poodoodoo. imagine having to ppost yer music after peakuluck kenta solved all my problems ever I LOVE WHEN YOU#CAN HEAR KENTAS SNARKY SMILE his little Alrights and okays and buu!If the sneezing when someones talking ab you myth was true#he would be sneezy bc of me HANDSOME HIII HANDSOME how am i gonna talk to non paralive moots what do i even say Hello! How ar e you!#i cant do that anymore im the surprise man from freak month are you sure its alright are you sure UUGUHHHH THE LITTLE wikaioaiugh at beginn#ng i love music thanks for inventing music guys thanks for inventing handsome Lockjaw Parvo Tetnis Botfly kenta tetnis eerm i thought yousa#tetris ☝️‼️‼️‼️ EVERYONE SHUT UP HES SPEAKING. LISTEN LISTENthe world will be like that one scen e in the one movie where they all stop tal#EXTRA VERSE CUTIEBEAR I LOV E YOU YOU SOUND SO PRETTYYY WE FINALLY GOT PRETTY SOUNDING KENTA AWROOO BOW WOW !!!!!! ing when he heads upstai#and just look at him when claudio went how cute how fun how SWEET and also when claudio went i spit in it my saliva is now inside all of th#se peoples bodies thats me when kenta leaves his energy drinks unattended but dw itll add extra fizz Hi ryog A the only way to describe how#i feel about kenta is like claudio gregory shawn mendes you cast a Spell on me Spell on me! STILL ALIVE okau HES SO CUUUTE kenta i will hel#you dispose of every other groups bodies okau man i gotta draw salkenta after this day 1 of scarface I already feel my beast form taking p#HIIIIE KENTA RIDE ON RIDE ON INDEED WAUAUUAA WAUUAUAUUAUA WAUAUAUAUAU kachi toru made lets be like UTV and the archiver babydoll my face is#n fire and SOOOO ARE YOUUUU KENTA COVER OF EVERYTHING FOR APRIL FOOLS CROSSING MY FINGERSS NO POINT IN ACTIN LIKE I DONT LIKE HIM I FOOOOLD#IM YOURS cozmez long forgotten they can be locked in the dome forever for all i care salkenta time im going to sweep kenta off his feet pri#cess style MY PRINCESS YOU DID SO WELL I'LL REWARD YUOUUU youre right youre a musical genius my god my savior my everything you are light y#u are like a fallen angel to me im gonna go kiss him sloppy now and listen to His Own music and draw him GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IM A GOKULU#K GIRL thank you for reading so far i really love kenta and he straight up changed my life i got rid of my ocd opened tabs so i could#watch the stream and i started drawing after 3 years and got back into music and made friends bc of him genuinely i love this guy so much#and no amount of content creation or words could ever convey it but i'll do s o either way i love this community i love my friends i lvoe m#paralive friends i love kenta. i lov ekneta i love kenta
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senseofharmony · 5 months ago
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when the phrase “girl’s girl” finally dies the world will be healing
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pr · 1 year ago
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waiting for the shawn mendes response tweet like
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nialls-gorgeous-colors · 1 year ago
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Rainbow Shawn Mendes ig post
May 15, 2023
Shawn uses his platform, very importantly, to show how he looks after his mental health (in the name of mental health month) and to check in with his fans.
He includes two pictures which include rainbows as the focus.
1. Photo from behind Shawn whilst in a desert
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2. Rainbow on his right hand aligned with his bird tattoo and going through the middle finger. In the gay community, the right middle finger is used for commitment/marriage rings. In this photo he’s wearing rings on three of his fingers, including that one.
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3. Beautiful photo of Shawn in yellow flowers and a sunny sky. Tags the Calm app.
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4. Self shot video of himself enjoying a meditating by a waterfall
5. A beautiful orange sunset sky
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6. A selfie of Shawn laying down, doing red light therapy. Tags company.
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7. What could be seen as a fit check, Shawn takes a selfie of his cozy outfit adorned with light rainbows 🌈 on him
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8. Shawn enjoying the beautiful sunny day
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robotpussy · 2 years ago
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cannot believe coachella has started already
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hbogirls · 1 year ago
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i’m subconsciously shifting into 1989 mode. taylor, my 1989 tour opener, and my 1989 tour special guest 🫡🫡🫡
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there were rumors that shawn and sabrina were dating but shawn dismissed them, my two favorites under taylor dating too good to be true 😭 i know i'm late to this news but i just heard about it on the radio okay?
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ipoddymouth · 15 days ago
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https://x.com/harryscomet1/status/1876432318338085128 not to start discourse but im bored so maybe i will start discourse but this kinda doesnt make sense to me like he's the one who hints at it in the first place publicly and then when asked about it goes why tf would you ask me about it its private. surely he knows if you put something out publicly people are going to speculate and ask that's just how things are. its one thing if it was just off of larry bs which has happened before and there this would make sense but he's actively been like teehee do i like men? for the past 5 years now and harries act like he's being burned at the stake when someone even asks, he can choose to keep it private that's his right but people will ask 😭
naurrr the fact its a quote from a better homes and gardens interview is sending meeeee
and also ur right.....he doesnt NEED to say anything but like dog......why build all this suspense to just say u like fuckin dudes.....u aint special! like the only really shocking thing he could do is say he's trans or is a republican like other than that aint nothin about him that would be a revelation
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akechi-if-he-slayed · 8 months ago
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twelve year old me streaming señorita through gritted teeth because i loved shawn mendes so so much but also so badly wanted cc to fall off the face of the earth
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withwritersblock · 3 months ago
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When You're Ready
~When You're Ready by Shawn Mendes~
Author's Note: requested! not entirely proud of how this turned out but enjoy! italics are flashbacks as always Summary: Luke drunkenly confesses his feelings for his friend. Warnings: ermmmm idk Word Count: 4,275
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Luke was drunk, probably the most drunk he’s been since the frat parties back at UMich. He was leaning against the bar, not sleepy but was definitely feeling dizzy. He was only allowed water because Jack was getting protective over him. 
Jack leaned against the wall, in the corner of the bar beside Luke. His phone was against his ear as he was listening to it ring and ring. 
“Jack?” Y/N let out sleepily.
“Hey! Luke is shitfaced right now, I would offer to take care of him but-” Jack paused as a giggle fell from his lips, “I’m also pretty fucking shitfaced and waiting for my girlfriend,” he explained. 
“Is that Y/N? Can I talk to her!” Luke shot up, a wide grin on his lips. Jack nodded, but kept the phone against his own ear. Luke whined as he reached his hand over. 
“I guess he can stay in my guest room. Just give me like twenty minutes,” she mumbled before she hung up the phone. Jack’s lips curled up into a grin as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.
Luke lifted up the glass of water and drank a long sip before he cautiously placed it back down onto the counter. “Y/N is taking you back to her place,” Jack offered as he brought his beer towards his lips.
“Aw man, I missed her. We’ve been traveling so much,” Luke offered as he shook his head slowly. His head moved delayed to either direction. 
“Are you going to tell her?” Jack drunkenly let out while he patted his hand against Luke’s back.
“Will not,” he said simply. 
“C’mon!” Jack pleaded as he continued to hit his hand against Luke’s back. “S-see I knew she li-liked you because she’s coming here at-” he trailed off searching for a clock, “What ever time it is.”
“Don’t want to talk about it, let me drink more booze,”
“No, Lukey you’re cut off,” Jack demanded.
“Me? You’re the one sl-slurring your words!” Luke said, pausing he realized he slurred too. The brothers began giggling.
Jack gasped as he scooted back away from the bartop. He smiled widely as he walked quickly towards his girlfriend entering the bar. “My girlfriend!” he let out happily as he shoved passed many drunk people. She giggled loudly as Jack happily wrapped his arms around her pulling her tightly towards him. “Come on, let’s go,” Jack muttered.
“Let’s wait for Y/N to get Luke,” she mumbled as she met his gaze. Jack groaned as he wandered towards Luke. 
Luke lifted his gaze, clenching his jaw as he smiled towards the pair. “He’s pretty drunk,” Luke observed. She rolled her eyes as she leaned against the bar. Jack rested his hand onto her lower back.
“I figured, thanks Luke,” she let out while laughing. 
Y/N was convinced that this party was going to actually ruin her whole mood. She was not a fan of giant crowds, especially a huge crowd of people whom she barely even knew. 
But Courtney was so sure that she would have fun, despite Courtney knowing everyone there. Well she’s only met a handful of the people at the party a few times but her boyfriend knew everyone. Which meant Courtney knew everyone. She never told Y/N who her new mystery man was. Even though the pair had been going on for months at this point. 
Courtney needed it to be secret, so secret that she would never tell anyone. Courtney and Y/N sat in the back seat of the car as they headed towards her boyfriend’s apartment. 
“So we’re going to his place and then the night club? Can’t we meet there?” Y/N groaned as she leaned her head against the headrest. It was safe to say, she was already tipsy and not in the mood for extra work. 
“You have to meet him,” she argued. 
The Uber pulled off to the side of the road, in front of a building that was definitely out of either of their price range. They stepped out of the Uber and Courtney began walking towards the building like it wasn’t her first time. Y/N stayed put as her eyes scanned the building.
“You forgot to mention he was rich,” Y/N mumbled as her gaze finally landed on Courtney.
“He’s not rich, he has money there is a different,” she explained while wrapping her arm around Y/N’s before she guided them towards the entrance.
“I feel like you just said the same thing,” Y/N mumbled while laughing. Courtney rolled her eyes as they stepped inside of the building. 
The walls were dark blue, with white tile on the floor. There was white curtains from the ceiling to the floor. The dark blue couches look like they’ve never been sat on but they were giant.
“Courtney, you can head straight up,” the doorman said excitedly. 
“Thank you, Danny,” she let out happily as she pressed the up button towards the elevator. 
Y/N leaned towards her, “How often are you here?” she whispered.
“Often,” she mumbled. 
The elevator ride was fast as they were only heading up a handful of floors. The fifth floor was the same decor as the lobby but less extravagant. The walk to the apartment was fast as it was only three doors down. She knocked four times. 
After a few seconds, the door was swung open and to Y/N’s surprise it was John Marino. “This is John?” Y/N let out quietly.
The music poured into the hallway. The music was not usual party music but it was loud and music she usually enjoys.
“Hey baby,” John let out as he reached towards Courtney, he wrapped his arms around her. Pulling her towards him, he smiled towards Y/N, “Y/N, it’s great to finally meet you,” John said as he motioned for her to step inside. Slowly, she walked inside beside John and Courtney. 
“Nice to-uh meet you too,” she let out shyly. Her eyes started to scan the room noticing two more Devils players sitting around the room. One with a gorgeous blonde girl in his lap and the other was sitting on a couch by himself. She wished she was not fan girling while in the room but she was. 
Luke Hughes looked up, meeting her gaze. She felt her heart jump in her chest as she met his gaze. His cheeks pinked up but he quickly shifted his gaze down towards his phone. 
Courtney slipped away from John’s grasp and walked back towards Y/N. She wrapped her arm around Y/N’s. “You should’ve brought up the whole Devils player thing,” she whispered, her gaze shifting around the room.
Luke’s eyes widened as a grin formed to his lips. He saw Y/N enter the bar. Jack’s girlfriend wandered towards her, leaving the boys to themselves.
“How bad is it?” Y/N asked teasingly. 
“They’re trashed,” she said simply. Y/N tossed her head back while laughing. 
“Alright, I’ll go take care of Luke,” Y/N let out, a smile on her lips. Jack’s girlfriend’s eyebrows raised as she held a smirk on her lips. “Oh shush,” she muttered as she pushed through the crowd to reach Luke. He was resting his head on his hands, his eyes starting to shut.
A sleepy smirk formed to his lips as his eyes were open slightly. “Y/N, you came!” he let out excitedly. “I’ve missed you,” he let out. She rolled her eyes as she stood in front of him. Resting her hand onto the bartop, she tilted her head to the side to try and meet his gaze. 
Jack and his girlfriend had already slipped out of the bar, leaving Y/N and Luke alone. 
“And you’re in your pajamas,” he observed, his sleepy gaze scanned her frame. Her body was covered with an old thin long sleeve top with a pair of sweatpants. She took a hold of his arm, helping him stand. He leaned against her, using her to help him walk.
“Come on, let’s get you home,” she mumbled as they continued through the bar, shoving through people to go to the entrance.
It was a quick and easy exit out of the bar, her car was parked directly on the street. Luke was still using her to help guide him as he walked. “You’re a great person, Y/N,” he mumbled.
“Thank you, Luke,” she mumbled while laughing. Slowly pulling away from him, he stood on his own. Stepping back, she tilted her head to the side meeting his gaze. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets as he leaned his head back. His lips curled upward slightly as he admired her frame. “What?” she let out shyly.
“You look beautiful,” he mumbled. Y/N smiled softly, knowing the words leaving his lips were drunken thoughts. “I meant as a friend, you know like because fri-friends can say that stuff. Can th-they say stuff like that?” he ranted nervously.
“Friends can call each other beautiful,” Y/N said as she met his gaze. He smirked as he ran his tongue across his lips.
“Well then,” he muttered as he took a step towards her, “How come you never called me beautiful?” he teased.
She rolled her eyes playfully as she pursed her lips forward, “You’re very beautiful, Luke,” she let out. His lips curled up into a toothy grin.
“Thank you,” he sing-songed. 
She met his gaze and watched the drunkenness take over in his eyes. With each blink it was evident he was getting more and more exhausted. She ran her fingers through her hair as she pointed towards the passenger seat door.
“You going to get in the car?” she asked him teasingly. He took a small step towards her. Biting his bottom lip, he was taking in a deep breath. “I mean I did practically carry you out of the bar,”
“You did not,” 
“I absolutely did, walk in a straight line right now,” she let out laughing. He straightened his body as he confidently walking towards the passenger seat of the car. 
His steps were definitely not in a straight line but as he leaned against the car door, he nodded proudly. 
“Wow, that was horrible,” she teased. 
Dropping his gaze to the concrete, he shook his head while chuckling. “Yeah, n-not my best work,” he said as he flung his head back up. He pulled on the door handle, opening the door. Smiling towards him she excitedly walked around towards the driver’s side of the car.
Y/N sat down on the couch beside Courtney. Her and John were not sitting close, almost on purpose to push her towards Luke. He lifted his gaze from his phone a handful of times to meet her gaze. Shyly, she avoided his eye as much as possible.
It started to feel like a set up. Everyone was in their own couple. It left Luke and Y/N to talk. Except they were not doing much talking.
Y/N was still freaking out that she was sat beside him and he was freaking out because if Jack and John were setting him up with someone, she could’ve been a little less hot. 
A little less intimidating because he couldn’t focus.
Or maybe it was because there was too much alcohol in his system, he couldn’t tell.
He knew he would get made fun of for the whole night if he didn’t speak to her but right now it was too intimate. 
“Okay, our Ubers are here,” Jack jumped up, keeping his hand loosely around his girlfriend’s waist. 
John did the same thing. Luke and Y/N stood up, sharing awkward glances. They both started walking towards the exit, side by side.
Reaching towards the door, he pulled it open, she smiled politely towards him. He slowly shut the door behind him and they continued down the hallway.
“Are we being set up?” she asked, pointing her finger between herself and him. Luke let out a nervous chuckle as he shoved his hands into his pocket.
“I wish I knew,” Luke rolled his eyes playfully, “With those two who knows.”
He pressed his lips together as he met her gaze for a few seconds. 
“I wish I knew my roommate was dating one of you guys, that would have been a nice heads up,” she explained.
“Wait, Court and John have been together for almost four months and you had no idea,” Luke questioned, crossing his arms over his chest. She nodded dramatically. “How did you not know, you guys live together?” he let out while laughing. 
She took a deep breath as she fought the smirk forming to her lips, “It just so happens that I grew up a huge Devils fan,” she mumbled. Luke’s eyes widened as he grinned. 
“Oh so you’ve been silently freaking out since you stepped into the door,” he teased.
“Have not,” she muttered crossing her arms over her chest.
“You want an autograph?” he teased. She shoved him away from her while laughing.
She happily sat down in the driver seat and quickly turned on her car. Heat blasted through the vents to warm the cold air inside of the car. Luke was watching her every move, his eyes dragged as he scanned her frame.
She stared towards her phone as she tried to find the perfect playlist. She played her own favorites mix before she rested it into an empty cup holder. Putting the car into drive, she pulled away from the bar. 
“You need my address?” he asked before swallowing hard. She glanced towards him, smirking slightly before she looked back towards the road. He pressed his lips together while shutting his eyes.
“I think I got it,” she let out laughing.
Furrowing his eyebrows harshly, he tilted his head back against the headrest, “I can’t believe you went to the bar in your pajamas,”
Her mouth fell open as she fought off the grin forming to her lips, ‘Clearly you’ve forgotten, I was asleep!”
“Right,” he muttered. He stared towards his hands as he took in long breaths. She pulled up to a red light, shifting her gaze towards him. 
“What’s on your mind?” she mumbled. He shrugged as he continued to stare down towards his lap, “Luke?” she asked again. 
It was a fast friendship. It seemed like out of no where they were inseparable. Ever since that night at the club, where they drunkenly danced together the whole night they’ve been inseparable. 
Tonight was no different, Luke was coming home from a game where they lost. He was not in a great mood but he knew that Y/N could make him feel better. Ever since he met her, he found himself gravitating towards her whenever he was in a bad mood. Whenever he was sad she made him feel better. 
He texted her that he was waiting outside of her apartment and she happily shot up from her couch. She walked towards the door pulling it open to reveal Luke. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of sweats as he walked inside, holding his arms open.  She smiled towards him as he wrapped his arms around him. Sinking into his chest, she let the door shut behind him. 
“Is Courtney here?” he asked as he rested his hand onto the back of her head as he caressed her hair. Shaking her head, she slowly pulled away from him. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m here?” 
“Always,” she mumbled as she met his gaze for a few seconds before she began to walk backwards towards her bedroom, “Let’s watch a movie,” 
His lips curled upward into a small smile as he followed after her, digging his hands deep into her pocket. He followed after her, his gaze trailing her frame as she guided him towards her bedroom.
She pushed the door open as she dropped down onto the bed. Luke stood in the doorway, admiring her from the small distance. 
“You can lay down y’know,” she teased as she patted the empty space beside her. 
He walked around the bed and cautiously laid down beside her.
“Any recommendations?” she offered as she met his gaze. He pouted his lips forward as he shook his head. He turned his body to the side, facing her. Looking down towards him, she turned her head to the side as she felt her lips curl upward. 
“Harry Potter?” he asked softly.
Furrowing her eyebrows she shifted her body towards him. They laid face to face, their noses nearly bumping one another with how close they are.
“You can’t just watch a Harry Potter movie, you have to watch them all,” she offered as she found her gaze lowering towards his lips.
“I don’t have plans tomorrow,” he offered teasingly. 
“You know, I think you’re beautiful in like a not a-a friend way,” Luke let out, he lifted his gaze to meet her eye. Her eyes widened slightly as she continued to look into his eye. “That’s obvious to you right?” Luke let out.
She took a deep breath as she watched the light turn green through the corner of her eye. She began to speed ahead with her heart beating faster and faster. “Luke, you know, I don’t have time for a relationship right now. With work and school, I barely have time for a social life-”
“I know, which is why I never said anything.” he let out, he swallowed hard as he shyly shifted his gaze down towards his lap. He took a deep breath, “I know I’m drunk or whatever but you’re literally everything I’ve ever wanted, you know that?”
She took a right turn into the parking garage beneath his apartment. “Luke,”
“I’m serious-”
“You won’t even remember this conversation tomorrow,” 
“When you’re ready or when you think you have time for one, I’m right ‘ere,” he explained as he lifted his gaze again. She pulled into a guest parking spot and quickly put the car into park. “I’ll always be waiting for you because you cannot tell me you don’t feel the same way. You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to kiss me,” 
“Luke-” 
“But if it’s forever that I have to wait for you, I’ll wait because you are worth waiting a lifetime for,” he further explained as he looked deeply into her eyes. She took a deep breath as she pressed her lips together.
“You don’t know what you’re saying right now,” she expressed as she turned her body to face him.
“I know exactly what I’m saying because I haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. I mean come on, Y/N, look me in the eye and tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind,” 
“You know I can’t,” she mumbled. 
“So whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting,” he said as he leaned his head against the window.
“Let’s get you up to bed and then when you’re sober let’s have this conversation,” she explained as she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door harshly. Luke unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. 
He stumbled out of the car, nearly falling over. “See-” she barked out a laugh, “How am I supposed to take you seriously when you are this drunk!” she took a hold of his arm, he looked down towards her as he allowed her to guide him towards the elevator.
~
The walk towards the apartment was fast while getting Luke ready for bed was another story. He kept making jokes about her taking his clothes off and helping him get into a pair of sweats to help him get comfortable. Or chug a bottle of water and eat a handful of snacks.
He laid beneath the comforter, shirtless and whining. “You have to stay,” he called out, reaching his hands towards her. Letting him take a hold of her hand, he interlocked their fingers. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel her heart flutter at the sudden touch.
“Luke, I want to sleep in my own bed,” she told him as she looked into his eyes. 
“But you’ve slept in my bed before, what’s wrong with doing that tonight? I me-mean you’re already in your pajamas it’s perfect,” he explained, swinging their hands.
“Well you brought up some things that make this weird,” 
“Only weird if you make it weird,” he offered teasingly. She took a deep breath as she continued to look into his eyes, they squinted slightly as he leaned his head back against the head board.
“You’re the one that made this weird, by the way,” she said sarcastically as she climbed over him to lay beside him in the bed. Slowly, she climbed under the comforter and rolled onto her side to meet his gaze. 
“I just put the truth into the universe,” he teased while pursing his lips forward. She rolled her eyes dramatically as she rolled onto her back.
“Good night Luke,” she mumbled. He took in a sharp breath as he fell onto his back as well. 
“Good night,”
~~~
The following morning, Y/N woke up before Luke. She tiptoed out of the bedroom towards the living room. Which was always surprisingly clean. It was early enough, she figured Luke would be asleep for several more hours, especially with how drunk he was towards the end of the night.
She walked into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, it wasn’t the first time she would wake up before Luke and make herself at home. Luke would be more upset if he found out she stayed in bed waiting for him to wake up to get ready for the day.
She leaned back against the counter as she watched the Kurig pour into the small red mug. Her mind wandered around the words Luke said last night. There was no way Luke would remember everything he said. 
Maybe he would remember some of it but she was convinced he didn’t. She barely had time to spend with him as a friend let alone the effort a relationship has to have.
She couldn’t put that effort in right now, but was he genuine with saying he would wait? She didn’t want a relationship until after school, she still had a year and a hlaf left.
She took the cup from the Kurig and she secured it with both of her hands as she wandered towards the couch. 
It was another hour of her scrolling on her phone and finishing her cup of coffee when Luke stumbled out of the room. His hair was slightly messy but he did not look worse for wear. He stood at the start of the hallway, watching her for a moment.
Lifting her gaze she saw him standing there, she brought her hand towards her chest as she giggled. “Scared the hell out of me,” she muttered.
“Sorry,” he let out as he walked towards her. He sat down beside her, keeping a whole cushion between them. 
They stayed silent for a moment as they let the awkward tension fill the air. 
She swallowed hard as she delicately placed the mug onto the coffee table, “So, how hungover are you?” she questioned, trying to break some of the tension.
He chuckled as he ran his hand across his chin, “Actually not that bad,” he mumbled. She nodded as she kept her gaze towards her lap. He pressed his lips together as he took another deep breath, “I’m waiting,” he let out as he tilted his head to the side. She furrowed her eyebrows. He smirked as he looked into her eyes. 
“Oh, yeah, that conversation we had last night; that you swore I wasn’t going to remember. I remember every word-well okay, not every word but I remember it all-most of it. So-um I guess it’s-yeah you’re turn,” he ranted.
She smiled as she continued to look into his eye as she took in a sharp breath as she stood up from the couch and walked towards him. Standing over him, she started to climb into his lap. He leaned back, cautiously hovering his hands in the air. 
“I don’t know about a relationship,” she began as she rested her hands on the base of his neck, her thumbs grazing the side of his neck briefly. “But I’ve been dying to kiss you,” she muttered. He smiled as she leaned towards him, kissing him urgently.
The kiss was electrifying as Luke finally rested his hands onto her hips. Leaning into him, the kiss was everything that either of them were waiting for. 
“Yet,” she muttered against his lips.
“What?” he mumbled as he leaned towards her, desperate to feel her lips against his again. She returned the kiss for a few seconds before she pulled away.
“Can you wait a little longer?” she mumbled against his lips.
“Can we at least do this?” he pleaded. She leaned towards him kissing him urgently, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth as she ran her fingers through his hair. 
They stayed in that position for a long time as they were enjoying being that close to one another. It didn’t matter that Jack was probably on his way back or that friends with benefits was always a bad idea or that anything in between friends and lovers was a horrible idea. Right now all that mattered was that their lips were connected and that they both felt the same.
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littlekidsteve · 6 months ago
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Self care king 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼
"Visions of her naked in my head but I went off and chose myself instead"
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itoshiexx · 1 year ago
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wonder
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synopsis: sae wondered what it was like to be loved by you.
pairing: itoshi sae x gn!reader | words: 800 | warnings: established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, sae is stupidly in love with u
notes: why hello! i'm barely alive! i know i kinda disappeared but i was struggling with personal issues and my mental health, so i didn't really have creativity to write. i'm not sure i like this either, but i couldn't let sae bae's bday go by without posting anything. also this is slightly inspired by the song "wonder - shawn mendes". thank you for your love and patience! <3
masterlist
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there are certain things itoshi sae would never admit. like the way he loved calm walks at the beach or how seagulls were his favorite animal. how he secretly regret hurting his little brother’s feelings when he was a stupid teenager. how his life was way lonelier than the world could even imagine, making him hate the walls of his oh so empty apartment.
mostly, he would never admit he wondered what it was like to be loved — not just by anyone, though, but to be loved by you.
he’s not sure when it started. he can’t pinpoint the exact moment his heart began beating faster and his black and white world was filled with color, but he does know that, inevitably, it all comes back to you, like you’re some sort of big bang that created his whole existence. itoshi sae doesn’t think he was actually himself before he became yours.
if you ask him, he’d say it’s a bit pathetic, really. he was never a guy that cared about romance, and he definitely didn’t believe in the concept of a love that could sweep you off your feet, like the hollywood movies desperately tried to sell. perhaps one of the reasons he liked you so much was because you managed to prove him wrong, and not many people were able to do that. 
sae was usually right. but you, in his life — that was even more right than his stupid beliefs. 
“sae, i need to get up,” your voice breaks him from his stupor, and, instinctively, his hold on your waist tightens. it’s some sort of protection, he thinks. not to you, but to protect him from the pain of having you stray away. 
(he never wants to let go).
the football player twists his body to trap you even further on the mattress, burying his face on your chest and tangling his legs with yours. your giggle reverberates through his whole body and brings warmth to his cheeks. his heart flutters, and he can’t even find it in him to hate it. 
you must have put a spell on him, he concludes.
“i’m serious. i need to make breakfast,” you say again when he doesn’t answer.
“don’t wanna.”
“you don’t want breakfast?”
“nuh-uh.”
you giggle again, and this time, you seem to give in, relaxing your body and welcoming him in your embrace. sae can only sigh in satisfaction when you card your fingers through his reddish-brown locks, relishing in the peace only you seem to be able to give him.
“i wonder what people would think if they knew how clingy the all mighty itoshi sae can be,” the teasing lit in your tone doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and you earn a scoff.
“shut up,” he quips, although there’s no real bite in it. “you love me.”
and you must not be from this world, because it’s easy — the way you pick up on any slight nuance of his voice or demeanor. it’s so fucking easy for you to read him like an open book and to give the reassurance he so desperately needs; albeit unaware. 
your voice becomes impossibly soft, “i do, baby. i love you so much.”
you kiss his forehead, and after wandering around for so long, sae thinks he’s finally home. 
for a while, you two just stay there, in bed, wrapped in each other in a way you can’t know where he starts and where you end. the thought of being one with you makes him happy, but that’s just another item in his long list of things he would never admit. 
your sweet voice breaks the silence. 
“we’re gonna be in bed all day?” there’s nothing but pure curiosity in your voice. no judgment — you never judge him, despite the way he deserves it sometimes. the thought makes his chest tighten with the amount of love he has harbored just for you.
sometimes he thinks he’s too small for it, and he’s scared all this love will overflow and consume him whole. though, it’s even scarier to think he wouldn’t mind: sae is yours. you can have all that he has and all that he is. 
“just a little longer,” he whispers, a little more vulnerable than he would like. but it’s okay. it’s always okay when it’s you. “please?”
you hum in agreement, continuing to caress his hair. 
“of course. whatever the birthday boy wants.”
sae allows himself to close his eyes and bask in your warmth, on the safety that you so effortlessly gave him. by smelling your perfume, he’s filled with gratitude for all the times he wondered what it was like to be loved by you.
“happy birthday, love.”
he’s glad he doesn’t have to wonder anymore.
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© 2023 itoshiexx. do not plagarise, translate, or repost any of my work on here or other sites.
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ruewrote · 2 months ago
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𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛.
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PAIRING: josh washington x fem!reader WARNINGS: jealousy, arguments, no use of y/n GENRE: angst, enemies to lovers SONG INSPIRATION: treat you better by shawn mendes WORD COUNT: 4.6k REQUESTED: yes
navigation | ask | josh washington masterlist
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you weren’t exactly sure how you ended up in this mess. two guys, one you were trying to like and one you couldn’t help but like, bickering over the dumbest things. their voices faded into the background as you stared out the frost lined window, watching the snowfall in thick, silent sheets.
it was your favourite time of year, your annual invitation to the washington lodge. hannah and beth always made you feel like family, holding a special place for you in their hearts ever since you’d befriended them in school. the first time they brought you to their mountain retreat, you were floored.
you still remembered wandering through the massive house with wide eyes, marveling at how luxurious it was. you had an idea that they were rich when they asked you to come with them to a cabin lodge of all places, but damn.
there was an embarrassing amount of times where you’d gotten turned around in the sprawling halls, having to call them in embarrassment to come find you. they used to laugh so hard at your awe struck reaction.
years had passed since then, and you’d grown more comfortable with the place. it almost felt like a second home now, complete with a guest room they’d decorated just for you. “so it feels like yours,” they’d said, insisting it was only fair since you spent so much time there.
but this year was different. this year, you’d brought someone with you. derek.
when the invitation arrived, you’d asked if you could bring him along without much thought. it had been a few months, and things with him were going well enough– or at least well enough to keep your mind off the one person you shouldn’t be thinking about.
at first, you thought it was a good idea. but standing in the lodge’s grand entryway, you started to regret it.
hannah and beth greeted you like always, pulling you into tight hugs, their excitement infectious. then their eyes landed on derek, and everything about their demeanor shifted.
“oh my god,” she grins wide. “who’s this cutie?”
“don’t hold out on us!” hannah added, elbowing you playfully.
jessica and emily weren’t far behind, their expressions lighting up the second they noticed derek.
“wait, wait, hold up,” jessica said, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she gave you a sly smile. “who’s this, and why didn’t we know about him sooner?”
emily crossed her arms, raising a brow. “yeah, seriously. is he single? or…?”
you tried to keep it casual as you introduced him, brushing off their teasing with a wave of your hand. derek, of course, handled it smoothly, flashing them a disarming smile.
“nice to meet you all,” he said before turning to you. “i’ll take our bags upstairs while you catch up.”
then, as if on cue, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek.
the second he disappeared up the stairs, chaos erupted.
hannah and beth squealed, sam grabbed onto your arm while beth gave you a knowing look. “okay, spill. everything.”
“seriously, we need the deets,” jessica chimed in, smirking.
“or at least a timeline,” emily added, looking almost impressed.
before you could even get a word in, josh appeared, chris trailing behind him with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.
josh’s gaze darted toward the stairs, his brow furrowing as he pointed a thumb in the direction where derek had gone. “so.. care telling me who that was?”
chris leaned in slightly, adjusting his glasses. “yeah, do we know him, or…?”
josh’s eyes flicked to the stairs where derek had disappeared, his lips pressing into a thin line. 
"you already know who he is, josh! you’ve known about him for weeks," hannah groaned, exasperation clear in her voice.
beth stepped in quickly, her tone cheerful as she nudged josh’s arm. “please don’t start. he seems sweet. right, girls?”
they all nod enthusiastically. “totally. i mean, it’s about time you brought someone, and he’s cute. good job.” sam playfully nudges you.
“thanks,” you said, smiling at her, grateful for the distraction. but josh’s scoff pulled your attention right back to him.
“what?” you asked, folding your arms.
“nothing,” josh said, the word practically dripping with something. he leaned back against the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets. “i mean, i’m just saying it’s bold, bringing a guy you barely know to a place like this. kind of soon, don’t you think?”
jessica’s laugh chimed from behind you as she sauntered into the group, casually tossing her hair over her shoulder. “oh, come on, josh. if she brought him all the way up here, he can’t be that bad,” she said, smiling. 
josh’s jaw tightened, but he forced a smile. “oh, sure.”
you sighed, exasperated. “josh, seriously? what’s your deal?”
“my deal?” he echoed, his voice louder now, as if he couldn’t believe what you’d asked. “i don’t have a deal. just making observations.”
“uh huh,” emily said as she strolled over, crossing her arms with a teasing grin. she glanced at josh, her tone light but pointed. “let me guess, derek doesn’t quite measure up to whatever impossible standards you’ve set, huh?”
josh’s smile was thin, his tone sharp. “i’m just looking out for her. isn’t that what friends do?”
you clenched your fists at your sides, willing yourself to stay calm. “you don’t even know him, josh.”
“and you do?” josh shot back.
the words stung more than they should have, and you had to take a steadying breath before responding. “you’re unbelievable.”
beth stepped between you, raising her hands. “okay, that’s enough. let’s not ruin the weekend before it’s even started.”
“yeah,” hannah agreed, looping her arm through yours and pulling you toward the kitchen. “hot cocoa, anyone? let’s leave the drama here, please.”
you glanced back as hannah steered you away, meeting josh's gaze for a fleeting moment. his eyes were locked on you, lingering with an unspoken weight, like he was on the verge of saying something but held back. the tension between you was thick, undeniable, and the worst part? 
you weren’t sure you wanted to look away.
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the next few days were nothing short of a nightmare. every moment felt like walking on eggshells, with josh finding any excuse to nitpick derek. whether it was a sly comment during dinner or a backhanded compliment when everyone was relaxing, he didn’t hold back.
derek, to his credit, didn’t let it slide. he defended himself every time, the tension between them escalating with every exchange. what started as petty jabs turned into full on arguments, and you found yourself caught in the middle, exhausted and drained.
most nights ended with you retreating to your room, shutting the door behind you,  collapsing onto the bed in frustration. the dark, quiet space became your only refuge as you rubbed your temples and tried to breathe through the stress. this wasn’t what you wanted. this wasn’t how the trip was supposed to go.
the breaking point came on the second to last day. you had spent hours trying to convince yourself to push through, but the tension was unbearable. by the evening, you made up your mind, you were done.
derek had already packed earlier that afternoon, his patience worn thin by josh’s constant jabs. you followed suit, pulling your suitcase out and beginning to fold your clothes in stiff silence. the thought of leaving early filled you with guilt, but you couldn’t stay, not like this.
when the others found out, it was pure chaos.
“are you serious?” beth said, her voice a mix of disbelief and sadness. “you’re leaving already?”
“just one more night,” hannah begged, clutching your arm. “please. it’s not the same without you.”
emily, practical but no less emotional, sighed as she crossed her arms. “i get it, but… don’t let this ruin the trip. you’ll regret it later.”
jessica leaned against the doorway, her lips pursed. “you came to reconnect, right? don’t let one person ruin that.”
their words tugged at your heart, but it didn’t change anything. not really. how could you stay with josh acting the way he was?
the worst part was the goodbyes. hugging each of them one by one, your chest tightened as tears pricked your eyes. you blinked them back, but it was no use.
“i’m sorry,” you whispered as you pulled back from hannah’s embrace. “i just… i can’t.”
“it’s not fair,” beth murmured, her own voice cracking.
“i know,” you said, barely able to meet her gaze. “i’ll make it up to you, i promise.”
when it came time to face josh, your stomach churned. he stood off to the side, hands shoved in his pockets, his face clouded with guilt. for once, he didn’t have anything snarky to say, no quip to throw out.
“you got what you wanted,” you said, your voice low, but it wasn’t enough to contain the way you were feeling. your chest ached with the weight of everything left unsaid, you couldn’t stop yourself.
“do you even realise what you’ve done?” you continued, your voice breaking as tears blurred your vision. “this was supposed to be a chance to reconnect with everyone. to have fun, to forget about everything else for a little while. but you… you made it unbearable.”
josh’s face fell, his guilt deepening as he opened his mouth to speak, but you didn’t give him the chance.
“you couldn’t just let me have this, could you?” you said, your voice rising. “you had to turn it into something miserable, and what makes it worse is that i don’t even know why. is it derek? is it me? what could i have possibly done to make you act like this?”
your words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, josh looked like he might crumble. his hands fidgeted in his pockets, his lips parted as if he wanted to respond, but the silence dragged on.
“say something, josh!” you pleaded, the tears now streaming down your face. “anything. just tell me why you’ve been acting like this, because i can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep feeling like i’m walking into a fight every time i’m near you!”
josh took a hesitant step toward you, his brows furrowed in anguish. “i didn’t mean to ruin anything,” he said, his voice quiet and unsteady. “i just–”
“just what?” you interrupted, your voice trembling as you met his gaze. “do you even care how much this has hurt me? how hard it’s been trying to enjoy any of this while you go out of your way to make it miserable?”
he stared at you, his jaw clenching as his eyes searched yours, but he didn’t answer. the silence stung worse than anything he could’ve said, and it tore you apart.
“you know what?” you said, your voice breaking into a whisper. “forget it. i’m seriously done trying to figure you out, have a nice life, josh.”
with that, you turned and walked out of the lodge, leaving him standing there, the tension between you heavier than ever before.
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after everything that went down at the lodge, breaking things off with derek was inevitable. it wasn’t dramatic or messy. if anything, it was almost too simple. the two of you mutually agreed it was for the best, leaving no lingering bitterness between you. but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating at you.
you felt terrible for dragging him up there in the first place. what had you been thinking? inviting someone you barely knew into such an intimate, emotionally charged space? you should’ve realised it was a bad idea from the start, but at the time, it had seemed like a good idea. a way to ignore the feelings you didn’t want to face.
but in the days after returning home, the weight of it all became too much. the memories of the trip. the tension, the arguments, josh’s lingering silence, played on a loop in your mind. it wasn’t just derek’s presence that had made things unravel. you couldn’t deny your own part in it.
to avoid dealing with it, you buried yourself in your school work. early mornings bled into late nights spent with your nose in textbooks, typing out assignments until your eyes blurred from exhaustion. it was easier to drown in deadlines and projects than to confront everything that stayed in the back of your mind.
your friends had noticed the change in you. they texted and called, checking in to make sure you were okay, and you answered them. most of them, anyway. you reassured them with simple responses, making excuses for why you hadn’t been in touch more. 
telling them you were just busy with school, just needed some time to yourself. but the truth was, you didn’t know what to say, and the idea of explaining everything felt like too much to deal with.
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as the days went by, the silence grew. every time your phone buzzed, you had the urge to reach out. to tell the people who were closest to you what you were feeling, to spill all the frustration, guilt, and confusion that had piled up inside of you since the trip. but you kept it all in.
you’d muted the washington's messages, the endless string of “are you okay?” texts too much to handle. it wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate their concern, you did, but you knew that the moment you tried to talk about it, you’d break. you weren’t ready for that.
one night, as the weight of everything seemed to crash down on you, you were sitting on your couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, when there came a knock at the door. you didn’t immediately jump up. your first thought was that it was just another mistake. a package, maybe, or a misdelivered letter..
but the knock came again, more persistent this time.
you rose to your feet cautiously, searching your mind for any reason someone might be here. but no matter how hard you tried to piece it together, you weren’t expecting anyone, especially at a time like this.
you opened the door, and there josh stood, with his shoulders slightly hunched, his expression unreadable. your breath hitching at the sight of him..
he looked different. a little worn, like he hadn't been sleeping. his eyes met yours for a long moment, and you could see the hesitation in them.
“hey,” josh speaks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. his hands were shoved deep into his pockets, his body posture defensive yet somehow vulnerable. “can we talk?”
your heart thudded in your chest. you didn’t know what to say. part of you wanted to slam the door and walk away from all of it. from this entire mess. but another part of you, the part you’d been ignoring for weeks now, knew you couldn’t just keep avoiding him.
you stepped aside wordlessly, your throat tight, he hesitated for a second before entering.
neither of you said a word at first, the silence deafening between you. when josh finally spoke, his voice was rough, as though he’d been holding back for longer than he cared to admit.
“i’ve been a mess,” josh admitted, his hand running through his hair in frustration. he glanced at you, his eyes searching for any kind of reaction, as if trying to gauge how much damage had been done. 
“i didn’t... i didn’t know how to fix it. i didn’t know how to fix what i fucked up between us.”
“josh, you can’t just show up like this,” you said, your voice quieter than you meant for it to be. “you can’t just come here and expect everything to be okay.”
“i know,” he said, his voice thick with regret. “i don’t expect it to be okay. i just... i couldn’t leave it like this. i wanted to explain what happened. why i acted like i did.”
you closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. you weren’t sure what you were expecting from this, but it wasn’t a clean resolution. there were too many things unsaid, too much left to work through. still, his presence here, his willingness to face what had been left in the air, meant something. 
even if you didn’t know what it meant yet.
“i don’t even know where to start,” you said, frustration rising in your voice. “why did you push me away, josh? i don’t understand. i’ve only ever been good to you, why wasn’t that enough?”
josh let out a shaky breath, his hands falling to his sides. “because it was easier to pretend i didn’t care than to deal with how much i actually do,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “you were always there for me, and i didn’t know how to handle that. i didn’t think i deserved it. so, i pushed you away, acted like it didn’t matter—like you didn’t matter—because i was scared of what it meant if you did.”
“do you not see how this has made me feel? no matter how hard i tried, nothing was ever good enough for you. i was never good enough.” your eyes are stuck firmly on the ground.
josh’s face fell, and for a moment, he looked completely undone. “that’s not true,” he said quickly, his voice raw. “you were always good enough—more than good enough. i was the one who wasn’t. i didn’t know how to let you in because... because i didn’t think i could be what you deserved.”
you shook your head, anger and hurt twisting in your chest. “so instead of trying, you just shut me out? you made me feel like i was wasting my time, like i didn’t matter.”
“i know,” he said, his voice breaking. “i know i hurt you, and i hate myself for it. i hate that i made you feel that way. but the truth is, you’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel like maybe i wasn’t completely falling apart. and i didn’t know how to handle that, either.”
his words hung in the air, heavy and vulnerable, but they didn’t erase the pain he’d caused. “you can’t just say that and expect me to forgive you,” you said, your voice trembling. “you don’t get to hurt me and then turn around and admit your feelings like it makes everything okay.”
“i’m not asking for forgiveness,” josh said quietly, stepping closer, his eyes locked on yours. “i’m asking for a chance to prove i’m not that guy anymore. to prove that you mean more to me than i ever let you see.”
"where we stand?" you shot back, your voice unsteady. "we’re standing in the mess you made, josh, and i’m the one who’s been left to clean it up."
josh’s voice rose as he stepped forward, his frustration finally breaking through. “you think i don’t know what i did to you? you think i don’t lie awake every night wishing i could take it back?”
you stood your ground, stepping closer. “what about me, josh? do you have any idea how it felt to keep reaching out, only for you to shut me out over and over? i tried, and it felt like you didn’t even care.”
his jaw clenched, his hand running through his hair as he closed the gap between you. “i didn’t know how to deal with anything! i was falling apart, and instead of dragging you down with me, i thought i was doing the right thing by pushing you away!”
“that wasn’t your call to make!” you shot back, your voice shaking with anger. “you don’t get to decide what’s best for me, josh! i needed you, and all you did was make me feel like i wasn’t enough!”
his eyes flashed, his breath shallow as he took another step forward. “you weren’t the problem! i was! i didn’t know how to let you in– i was scared! you deserve someone better, someone who didn’t treat you like crap because he couldn’t figure out his own shit!”
“and yet, i stayed!” you yelled, your face now inches from his. “i stayed, josh! i kept trying, no matter how much you pushed me away! do you even realise how much that hurt? how much it took out of me to keep fighting for someone who didn’t want to fight for me?”
he was so close now that you could feel the heat radiating off him, his voice trembling as he spoke. “i wanted to fight for you, i did. i just didn’t know how. i didn’t know how to be enough for you, and instead of trying, i ran like a coward. i fucked up, okay? i fucked up, and i hate myself for it.”
your chest was heaving, the intensity between you almost suffocating. “and what am i supposed to do with that, josh? what do you want me to say? that it’s okay? that it doesn’t matter?”
“no,” he speaks quietly. “i don’t want you to say it’s okay. i want you to know that i’m here now, ready to fight for you if you’ll let me. but if you can’t... if it’s too late, then i’ll take that too. just... tell me where we stand.”
the silence that followed was deafening, as you both waited for what would come next.
“and what’s your excuse for the way you treated derek, huh?”
josh’s eyes darkened, his frustration boiling over. “derek?” he repeated, his tone sharp. “yeah, let’s talk about him. let’s talk about how he couldn’t mind his own damn business for five seconds.”
your brow furrowed, anger rising in your chest. “what are you even talking about? derek was nothing but sweet. he didn’t do anything to you, josh.”
josh took another step closer, his jaw tightening. “didn’t do anything? are you serious? he was always acting like he’s better than me, like he knows what’s best for you, for everyone!”
you crossed your arms, refusing to back down. “you mean he was looking out for me? god forbid someone actually gives a damn and calls you out when you’re being a jerk!”
josh let out a bitter laugh, his frustration spilling out in waves. “looking out for you? no, he was trying to play the hero. always in your ear, always making himself the good guy. don’t think i didn’t notice the way he acted around you, like he was just waiting for me to screw up so he could swoop in!”
“that’s insane,” you snapped, stepping closer until you were nearly toe to toe with him. “derek wasn’t trying to replace you, josh. he was doing nothing wrong! you had to nitpick every little thing he did and turn it into some kind of competition!”
josh’s eyes flared with emotion, his voice rising. “maybe i didn’t want him there, okay? maybe i couldn’t stand the thought of him getting closer to you than i was. i already felt like i was losing you, and every time he opened his mouth, it just made it worse!”
“you weren’t losing me, josh,” you said, your voice trembling with both anger and hurt. “but you sure as hell are now. because instead of letting me in, instead of trusting me, you let your jealousy control everything. you treated him like shit, and you pushed me away. and for what? to protect your pride?”
josh’s voice cracked as he stepped even closer, his face inches from yours. “no, to protect you! i didn’t know how to let you see me falling apart. i didn’t know how to handle it, so yeah, i acted like an ass. but you’ve got it all wrong if you think it was about pride. it was about you– it’s always been about you.”
his words echo in your mind as you stare at him, trying to process the mess between you both. 
both of your breaths were shallow, hurried, the tension thick enough to drown in. his eyes flickered between yours and your lips, and you could feel the heat radiating off him as if the air itself was conspiring to close the gap.
josh’s voice was low, almost desperate, as he finally broke the silence. “how could i tell you how much i’ve longed for you? without making a complete idiot of myself?”
you held his focus, the words hitting you harder than you expected, but you weren’t going to let him off that easily. your lips curved into a faint, defiant smile as you whispered, “looks like you’ve already done that.”
his breath hitched, a flicker of surprise and something deeper flashing in his eyes, every inch of space narrowing as if pulled by gravity, daring one of you to cross it.
the seconds dragged on, the tension between you unbearable, as you both stood there. your hearts were racing, breaths shallow.
josh’s eyes flickered to your lips, then back to your eyes. there was so much unspoken between you. so much hurt, so much yearning, it all hung in the air, pulling you closer.
his chest rose and fell with every breath, his fingers still gripping your wrist, but his touch was different now, gentler, your own heart was pounding in your ears, every inch of you screaming to cross that line, to close the gap between you, but something, something, kept you both frozen.
josh’s face softened, his eyes dark with something deeper, more intense. he licked his lips, breath trembling slightly.
“you have no idea how badly i’ve wanted this,” he rasped, the words low, rough, full of that simmering desire that had been building between you.
before you could respond, before the weight of your thoughts could take over, josh closed the distance. his lips crashed against yours, a kiss so intense it knocked the breath out of you. it was like everything was finally set loose. all of the frustration, the longing, the anger. all of it poured into that one desperate, searing kiss. his hands moved, one gripping your waist, pulling you closer, while the other threaded into your hair, his fingers tangling desperately, almost painfully, as if he couldn’t bear the space between you any longer.
your fingers curled into his shirt, holding him there, refusing to let the moment end, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingers. there was nothing tentative about this kiss, it was hungry, impatient, as if both of you were desperate to make up for all the time you had wasted, all the things you had never said, never done.
his hands squeezed at your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.
your fingers curled into his shirt, holding him there, refusing to let the moment end. his lips moved against yours with an urgency that matched your own, the kiss deepening with each passing second.
when you finally pulled apart, gasping for air, his forehead rested against yours. his eyes searched yours, filled with something that looked a lot like vulnerability.
“i’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and barely audible. “for everything.”
you shook your head, your hands still gripping his shirt as if letting go wasn’t an option. “you don’t have to say anything,” you murmured, “just don’t push me away again.”
josh’s jaw tightened as he cupped your face in his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “i won’t. i swear, i won’t.”
his hand slid to the back of your neck, gently pulling you back in for a kiss. this one softer, quieter, as if testing the waters. when he pulled back, his thumb brushed over your lip, and he gave a small, almost nervous smile.
“i’m not perfect,” he said quietly, his voice steadying with each word. “but i’ll do better. i swear i will.”
you nodded, your chest feeling lighter. “you better.”
josh's lips curved into a small, relieved smile, and for the first time in a long while, 
it felt like you were both on the same page.
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comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ @jenepleurepasbaby
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nocturniashifter · 6 months ago
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𝓗ow is your relationship with your s/o + messages from them | pick a pile
— Hello everybody! welcome to my first PAP here YAY. Today's reading will be about what your relationship is like with your s/o in your dr and some messages from them to you (it wasn't planned, but as they appeared in all the piles I decided to go here). Disclaimer: Remember that this is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't. All readings done are for entertainment only. Please, don't use my readings as a replacement for legitimate advice.
MASTERLIST | PAID READINGS
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PILE 1
songs: set it off - why worry, kat dahlia - i think i'm in love & still into you - paramore.
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helloo, pile one! there's a possibility that you and your s/o may not be in a love relationship yet because neither party has confessed their feelings for each other, so if that's the case: your s/o is definitely in love with you, however they are ignoring all the signs that indicate this and keep pretending & bluffing that they're not for themselves, for you and for others even though the world around them has gained more color because of you and that they crave you.
they didn't think it could be true, especially with you – don't take it personally, they're confused because they never imagined this would happen especially if you've known each other for a while but they saw something in you that they never had seen before – and can't admit they have a crush on you. they're trying to trust you and again, don't take it personally, they don't want to get hurt.
you're constantly on their minds and some scenarios they imagine are of you spending time together, like: having breakfast together or them making fun of you playfully and you telling them to fuck off lol - but all this thinking about you as a couple and some going further, thinking of you as their husband/wife.
if you and your partner are already in a relationship this may be how they felt, thought and acted about you in the past. and, if you and your s/o are already together in a relationship (and especially if it's a long-term one) even after all this time they're still into you and not a day goes by that they don't. the two of you have faced the challenges of your couple life (which let's face it isn't easy) and your s/o believes it was worth it.
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PILE 2
songs: candy store - heathers: the musical, kat dahlia - i think i'm in love, shawn mendes - there's nothing holdin' me back, victoria carbol - rebel & who says - selena gomez. 
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hello, pile two! i assume a lot of people in this pile don't have a romantic relationship with their s/o's yet as there's an enemies to lovers dynamic going on between you and your s/o - whether you're academic rivals (they might be the popular/cool type who wants that you prove you're not a loser) or for those of you who are shifting into an adrenaline-fueled dr the two of you had your paths entwined on a mission and were forced to be allies, for example - and neither party may have confessed their feelings for the other (and to themselves 🤭).
your s/o is that person who puts on a tough facade while deep down they genuinely care about you - if, for example, you were dealing with a fake friendship and your s/o knew about it, they would harshly say something like: “so [person] isn't your friend and if they had a chance they would let you rot” because they fear you will get hurt, so they want you to wake up to reality but without letting on that you are important to them.
however, over time, their feelings towards you have developed and they are DEFINITELY in love with you, but they ignore all the signs that indicate this and feel like they can't admit it to themselves even though their lives have taken on more color because of you & also because they are in denial due to the fact that this could be true given the circumstances.
but either way, you're constantly on their minds and they envision the two of you as a couple spending quality time together. they know they should stop and confess their feelings for you and that there's nothing stopping them from doing that but themselves, but this is not an easy task for them.
   𝅄       ───────     ✧
PILE 3
songs: bubbly - colbie caillat, baby hotline - jack stauber, a thousand years - christina perri, fantasia - even angels & i'm still into you - paramore. 
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hello, pile three! wherever you go and no matter what you do, you are the reason your s/o's smile because you are the reason they feel so happy - and they just want you to you hold them close to you and they can't wait to finally do that when you shift.
they may be (or have been) afraid to love and fall in love, but somehow all their doubts are gone and now they would definitely cross the entire ocean just for you if need be. or else you're afraid that over time they'll stop loving you or love you less and that's definitely NOT going to happen and they're guaranteeing you that.
for those who are in a long-term relationship with their s/o's, the butterflies in their stomachs still exist after all this time and they are still into you 😭. they also believe that everything you've been through together (even if it haven't been easy) it was worth it.
i believe this message is mainly about your shifting journey, but take what resonates: they're saying that you need to take a deep breath and that you think you might fall but all you have to do is try.
that's it! i hope you enjoyed the readings. lmk if it resonated! i'll be bringing more PAP soon, so feel free to leave topic suggestions in the comments or ask <3 until next time
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