#shadow vent

[shadow-genesis-yay]

CW//: small vent | TW: swears, suicidal intention

The one fuckin friend I trusted, turned out to be a facade.

An emotionally manipulative bitch who I trusted.

All I fuckin did, was take a small mental health break, and then once I talked to them again, they fuckin sounded upset and like they WANTED me gone.

I trusted them. I cried for them when things happened. I was there for them

I wanted to kill myself when I hurt them after I yelled at them over something stupid. I saw their pain afterwards, and hated myself, but didn't realize I was hurting them until later in the day. I had such a panic attack thinking I hurt them that I even tried calling 911 for a wellness check, and tried finding the helpline for their area (we have the same timezone, but we didn't live close)

I did nothing but care for them. I even loved them and asked them to be my online partner that was a mix of platonic and romantic. I panicked over confessing to them, to where I cried for two hours as I tried to gain courage, and scared in what would happen.

Everything was perfect for me, but it was all a lie. An illusion that manipulated my emotions.

I was completely open with them, and loved them. I would have gone through hell and back for them, yet they never wanted to do the same.

The things they told me about old friends leaving them seem like a cover up, but I never thought of it.

I was unintentionally wearing rose colored glasses, and seeing the world through them.

They knew more than I should have let them know, but I thought the trust was genuine. I had such a connection with them, that they even appeared in dreams.

I fucking feel betrayed, and hate the fact I called them a best friend, when an actual friend I have was there more for me, even if I got upset over a stupid thing and overreacting by blocking them as well.

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[bat-luun]

been struggling a lot recently but ill be dammed if shadow the hedgehog wont save my soul

[sparrow-in-boots]

EDIT: the viper example picture got changed to a proper viper species, thank you @/the-white-eye for the correction!

everytime i see the winged serpents drawn/modelled as vipers, my heart breaks a little bit

guys, they are specifically pythons!! :3 mouth shape and all!! the sole viper head we see is Messmer/abyssal serpent!!

pythons kill prey by strangling them with their bodies. vipers hunt through venom bite pounces. pythons are also more notably languid and slow compared to vipers or cobras. this isn't just a thematic distinction, but also a clear visual design cue, too!

in Volcano Manor and the Temple of Eiglay, you can see that the winged snake statues are Also python-headed. it's also notable that the snakes in the statues have fangs, and so do the winged serpents Messmer has. i doubt that's a coincidence.

and most importantly, the Great Serpent is also closer to a python than a viper or even a cobra. it's admittedly a more distinct head shape than any real-life snakes i'm aware of, but the longer snout, the scale patterns (particularly on the temples and side of the head), and the teeth type are not unlike an anaconda, actually.

[movie-robotnik-positivity]

Shadow's relationship with G.U.N is interesting. He doesn't seem to hold any resentment towards them and will even work with them if it helps his goal, but he also won't hesitate to go against them if they become an obstacle.

Commander Tower overlooks Shadow's trangressions as a way of paying him back for saving the world, but also because he's the only other living person who understands his grief.

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

The Todd in Shadows video on Somerton makes me SO much angrier than Hbomberguy’s SOLELY b/c while Hbomb’s covers the terrible impact of his plagiarism and its terrible, Todd’s has more actual clips of Somerton’s stupid stupid condescending cadence where he’s just SMUGLY LYING about all sorts of bullshit that’s usually extremely self-congratulatory OR misogynistic and it makes me want to fuckin vomit.

[amyrosedaily]

Day 63: Stupid

It's ok to be wrong sometimes.......right?

PLEASE! Donate to help save Safaa and her family! | Main post | Gofundme

[puppetmaster13u]

Halfa Jason Design

Specifically in thoughts to This but honestly might use it for other things too

[queernoctis]

[izuizzy]

not feeling too great so I made this shadow vent painting to help

[undercover-grisha]

The Crows: “oh you know Jesper, he’s just soooo dramatic all the time!”

Jesper, who had not been trying to be dramatic and had been trying to be taken seriously: “Yep. Haha. That’s…. That’s me!”

[eggskie]

[Image ID in alt text]

retrospective

I think sometimes that shadow thinks back about his time on the ark with maria, and with gerald. and that some of his memories of gerald aren't great. and that now, with the knowledge of what gerald did to him after maria's death, some of those memories may mean something different with that new context. he doesn't like thinking about it

[bottombaron]

you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.

Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.

even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.

if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.

so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.

[lilcritterdoingmabest]

some Shadow Company lore

theres rumours of secret poetry club.

most rookie Shadows don't think its real while others have made it a life goal to prove its existence

The secret poetry club thinks Graves doesn't know

he does.

he just chooses not to say anything

no ones sure if its because he's trying to gaslight them or give them privacy

[fukirvana]

cringy aaah angst

[max-nico]

read on AO3

Tails feels bad. This isn't a new thing. He tends to feel bad for a lot of things that are apparently not his fault a lot, according to Sonic. He thinks it's different this time, he thinks this time he is truly a bad person. Sure, maybe he can't control what he thinks or how he feels, but he still thought it and that has to count for some sort of untoward personality trait.

Sorry, I'm rambling, not getting to the point. He thinks, but he doesn't know who he's apologizing to. As far as Tails knows he's the only one in his head, and if there is someone else in there he'd like them to come out now. He'd also like them to ignore the thought he had about contingency plans to make sure they never talk about anything they heard. He didn't mean it, he's kidding, obviously. Wait he's still not getting to the point. Shit. He'll explain that now instead.

The point is Tails feels bad because Shadow is in his house. Now in all honesty, Shadow isn't really that terrible to be around. The hedgehog is smart, observant, talented, Tails would even go as far as to call him kind, maybe a little rough around the edges, but still kind. Yes, Shadow is a good person, even with his mean exterior.

Tails already knows what you're thinking, okay (hopefully) disembodied voice in his head? He already knows you're thinking, "well if he's such a good guy, why are you mad that he's in your house?" To that, Tails says "have patience", because he is about to tell you. For someone observing his thoughts instead of your own, you sure are pushy.

Anyway, Tails is upset that Shadow is in his house because Sonic invited him, and they have been getting extremely close lately. So close, that sometimes Sonic misses Tails calls because he's hanging out with Shadow, and sometimes he doesn't even call him back. That's never happened before. Why is that happening now?

What if he was in trouble and Sonic didn't pick up the phone? Sure, he has panic buttons, and phrases, and alarms, and Morse code activations, and contingency plans for contingency plans, but you never know what could happen!! Tails could be shot point blank... Okay no he can't because his windows are bulletproof, but you get what he's saying right? What if there was an emergency and Sonic didn't know because he was too busy hanging out with Shadow to notice? Sonic would never forgive himself!

Okay maybe that was a little extreme, let's calm down and try again. Tails thinks in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Sonic.

He is upset, because he is being ignored. Or at least he thinks he is? Because Sonic still spends time with him, and still picks up the phone more often than not, but that could change. It could change in the blink of an eye. Sonic is so fast and so fickle. If he wanted to, he could leave Tails in the dust before he could even realize Sonic was leaving. Tails has faith Sonic wouldn't just do that though, he's always been thoughtful enough to at least let Tails know when he's leaving, because Sonic is nice like that. Always has been.

Apparently, he's not sweet enough to ask Tails' permission before bringing Shadow over though. Sonic the hedgehog is as close as it gets to perfection, but he's still with his faults. Really super annoying faults that lead to Tails hiding away in his own house.

He figures the two wouldn't really want him there anyways. Between Shadow's innate response of getting overwhelmed when there's more than three things going on–which Tails can relate to–and Sonic's innate need to get under Shadows skin by flirting with him, there is no place for Tails to be in that living room.

Also he's side barring for a second to tell you that he discovered Sonic was flirting with Shadow only a couple weeks ago, because Amy explained it to him. He just thought Sonic liked teasing Shadow more because it ends in a fight every time, but according to Amy, Sonic is only fighting him because that's his way of being close to Shadow. That checks out honestly, Shadow growls if their gloves accidentally touch if they're standing beside each other. Sonic is just a freak who likes to fight, Tails would know.

Anyway, he got off track. He meant to talk about how he's hiding in his workshop, pretending to be busy, and using random power tools so he can't hear Sonic laughing in the living room. He feels a little like a coward, but that's not a new feeling, he's felt like a coward his entire life why stop now? Sorry, off track again. Listen and focus this time okay? What he's saying is he's hiding in his workshop because Sonic invited Shadow over, and Shadow is cool, but seeing them together makes him sick to his stomach. Plus Sonic is kind of a jerk for inviting him over without asking first, not that Sonic asks for permission for basically anything, but a little warning would have still been nice.

Now he's looping his point back to the beginning to bring this back to what he was talking about in the first place. Tails is a bad person, because Sonic is happy, like really happy, and he hates it. He doesn't think he's ever seen his older brother this happy, and that pisses him off, but also makes him sad. He knows he's not enough for Sonic, not enough for anybody, but it's easy to know and harder to observe. It's like the difference between knowing Eggman uses flickies to power his machines, and actually seeing the hurt flickies run out of them. That metaphor might be a little dark for what he's talking about, but it's accurate.

He's gonna start crying if he keeps thinking about this, time to switch topics. His eyes are already watering. Shit. Disembodied voice in his head can you give us a new topic...?... He didn't think so. He's starting to think you're not even there, maybe you left two rants ago and now he's been alone in his mind for the past however long. That might be for the best. It's embarrassing to think of anybody hearing this. Yikes.

What was he thinking about again? Oh right, the fact that Sonic may leave him behind for Shadow one day. He wouldn't even be mad either! If Shadow makes Sonic happier than he does then he should leave, even if the thought makes Tails want to keel over and die it's fine!

Oh, that's not a bad idea actually. What if Tails does die or maybe not die, but like.. magically disappear? Yes, that would be good. That way Sonic wouldn't even have to think about Tails being sad or upset, and he could go frolicking into the sunset with Shadow. That would be great, because taking burdens off of Sonic has always been Tails' job, even if the burden is himself. One must learn when to take a step back after all.

He's gonna cry again. Distraction time. Maybe he can sneak past them and get a snack if he's really quiet. Hopefully. Maybe... Eh, it's worth a shot. Come on disembodied voice, let's make our way through the living room to the kitchen. Hopefully you don't mind arguing do you? Well, too bad.

It's not a big gap from room to room, small hallways connect everything, by design. More walls and more spaces means more hiding spots. He thinks it's smart, and not super paranoid like Sonic says. Sonic is an idiot with a problem communicating, he shouldn't listen to him anyway.

Sorry he didn't mean that. Sonic isn't an idiot, and he's working on communicating better. Tails is just a little mad because he can see Sonic all up and personal in Shadow's space, and Shadow looks red faced like he swallowed a lemon. Oh brother, yuck. He hopes they don't kiss on his couch, he'll have to buy a new one.

Unfortunately, Tails isn't lucky enough for the flames in Shadow's eyes to distract Sonic. He notices as soon as Tails steps foot on the carpet, like he always does. His smile fades from that snarky smirk-ish grin he has to something much more fond. For a moment, Tails forgets all about what he was worried about, and all he feels is excited to see his brother. They've been there for each other through thick and thin, what was he even worried about anyway?

... He just put his arm around Shadow while still smiling at him. Nevermind. Fantasy over. This is the real world. It's best not to forget when you're being replaced when you're right in front of your replacement. Forget the snack, Tails is gonna be sick.

"Hey bud, you done working yet?"

Tails has half a mind to turn right back around, go into his workshop, lock the door, and never come out again. They can have the house, and kiss on the couch if they want to, because Tails is never leaving the safety of his inventions. Ever.

He must be pulling a face, because Sonic raises an eyebrow and jumps over the back of the couch to get to him. Shadow's head is used as leverage, completely messing up his almost neurotically groomed quills, like seriously there wasn't a single one out of place before that, and he grumbles something angry and slightly menacing. Is it mean that Tails wants to laugh at that? Probably. He doesn't care though.

"Alright," Sonic says. "Doesn't matter if you're done or not. Break time."

Tails' face flushes, he hates being treated like a kid, especially in front of someone Sonic likes better. It takes everything in him not to stop his foot on the ground like a petulant child, it takes even more just to stay silent and roll his eyes. He figures that's the adult thing to do here. Doing the less fun and more annoying option tends to be the right option when you wanna be the bigger person. It sucks, to say the least. He already misses petty revenge.

He lets Sonic lead him to the couch to sit between him and Shadow. Eugh. Kill him now. He couldn't have at least granted Tails the end seat, huh? Sure, he usually prefers to sit in the middle of his friends, but this is different. This is scary and new and he doesn't like it. Distantly, Tails hopes the disembodied voice decided to take a hike many minutes ago. He doesn't want to be observing his own thoughts right now, let alone anyone else observing them.

"Here, we're playing a game right now. That geography one that you showed me and Knuckles. What's it called, geotheory or something?"

"It's Geo-guesser." Tails sighs, but still smiles. He's amazing at this game. He and Sonic have traveled the world multiple times, if he was bad at it he wouldn't be able to call himself a genius. "Has Shadow played yet?"

"Nope, we were about to start the round. Impeccable timing as usual, little bro."

Tails will NOT acknowledge the little flutter his heart gives. He feels warm and loved and his worries vanish with just a sentence. Sonic always knows what to say. One day, Tails will also know what to say all the time. He is a genius, but he can admit he still has stuff to learn, the world is soaked in knowledge.

And while you're here, Tails will learn you a little something as well. Hanging out with both Sonic and Shadow at the same time... Honestly isn't that bad? He would even go as far to say it was kind of nice. All three of them have a competitive streak, all three of them are well traveled, and all three of them are good at trash talk, the most important skill to have. Tails also finds joy in telling Shadow embarrassing stories about Sonic every time they switch destinations.

Central City? Hey Sonic, do you remember the time you ran into that crazy fan and you ended up getting roped into proof reading their fanfiction? Sand ruins? Remember getting trapped in that cave and being too stubborn to let me get you out? Westopolis? Remember that circus you accidentally joined?

Tails has known Sonic forever. If there was something embarrassing, Tails was almost guaranteed to have seen it. Shadow has barely heard 1% of the stories Tails can tell about Sonic by the end of the night, and the fox finds himself wanting to tell him more. It's amazing what a few hours and a stupid game of Geo-guesser can do for a friendship.

One night does not fix everything of course, and by the next morning Tails is insecure all over again. He feels even more stupid about it now, because Shadow is funny, and cool, and cocky, and a lot of things Tails isn't. Of course Sonic should leave him behind. That's what's supposed to happen. You are supposed to move to better things, and sometimes the better thing in question is a tall, dark, and brooding hedgehog. Tails will handle it well, because that's his job, to make things easier on his friends. He says friends, plural, because Shadow is his friend now, which means he has two people to make happy. He feels sick again. It's crushing. So crushing he doesn't want to get out of bed.

He would say he hopes Sonic doesn't come in and ask him what's wrong, but he'd be lying. He wants Sonic to ask what's wrong really bad, which brings him back yesterday's thoughts, the ones about him being a bad person. Tails thinks it makes him a pretty bad person to want Sonic to ask what's wrong just so he can lie to him, he refuses to tell him the truth, it's something much too raw and sensitive to say. He can bottle it all up, put it in the corner of his mind, lock it up in a tightly sealed box, and one day he will die with it kept safe, never having been opened. For now though, he just pushes his blankets over his head and tries to go back to sleep.

Sonic doesn't come check on him, doesn't come ask him what's wrong, because he is with Shadow. Tails thinks he should probably just excuse himself from Sonic's life instead of waiting for Sonic to do it himself. The hedgehog is many things, but vulnerable is not one of them. Can you imagine telling your own little brother that you prefer your new... Boyfriend? Person of interest? Rival-turned-partner? That there's not a space for him anymore and it's best for him to leave? That's an incredibly emotional and vulnerable conversation to have, Sonic would avoid it like the plague. Besides, Tails has to take initiative on a lot of adult things like bills and tax write-offs. Adding one more thing couldn't hurt.

Yes, he will make a plan, and then enact it, just like always. Simple. It's just a lot of planning ahead. It's asking questions like, does Sonic want a house? The only reason he even has one now is because Tails has so many live-in labs that double as houses during downtime, without those he'd still be sleeping in burrows in the woods. Well... It's good to mention that he also still does that, despite not needing to anymore. Damn. Questions... Questions..

Tails practically jumps on him when he gets back from wherever he was. His quills are messy, probably windswept, and he has the biggest grin on his face Tails has ever seen. It's dopey, and so lovesick Tails could gag, but he ignores it completely. No time for small talk when there's plans to make.

"Uh oh, I know that face." What face? "What's in danger now?"

"Nothing's in danger, I just have a question."

"Nothing? C'mon buddy, we've known each other like a billion years. You think I don't know your 'I'm making backup plans for backup plans for backup plans' face?"

Tails makes an affronted noise, wrinkling his muzzle. "I do not have a 'backup plans for backup plans for backup plans' face!

"Yeah you do! It looks like this." Sonic puts his hand over his mouth, furrows his eyebrows, pushes his ears back, hunches over, and purposely twitches his right eye every few seconds.

"I don't do that." Tails lies.

Sonic raises an eyebrow, but let's the matter drop, he knows a losing battle when he sees one. Instead of arguing he drops onto the couch, not minding any of the little holes his quills make in the cushion. Tails minds though, Tails minds a lot actually, but he also knows a losing battle when he sees one.

If Tails was a lesser fox he would force his brother to start wearing cotton balls on his quills, partially to save his furniture, partially because his face would be hilarious. He'd send a picture to Amy for scrapbooking. Too bad he's doing the whole being the bigger person thing. How lame.

"Oh. You had a question." Sonic says, turning to look at Tails. He looks tired all of a sudden. Tails wants to throw up again.

"Yeah. If I was like never around, or we never became friends or something. Do you think you would've still gotten a place to stay, or would you live in caves for the rest of your life?" Tails tries to keep it lighthearted, even if his heart feels like it's been lit on fire.

Sonic turns fully towards him, tiredness gone and concern coating his face like glue. Can he side bar again? This time back to his original thought, does it make him a bad person if he were to prefer Sonic tired rather than concerned for him? Tails is just full of terrible thoughts isn't he? Sure is great that no one can hear his thoughts but him... Because that is the rational thing to believe... Obviously... Sorry, this isn't about him right now.

"Woah, that's kinda a crazy question kiddo." Sonic frowns, his green eyes searching Tails face for something the fox isn't privy to. "First of all, there is no way we would ever not be friends, let's make that clear. Second of all, are you kicking me out?" He snorts, a little incredulously. "I mean if you need your space I get it, little buddy, but please-"

"No!" Tails cuts him off because that's not what he's doing. He would never ever ever ever in a million years kick Sonic out, unless it was a prank, otherwise Tails would always leave first. Sonic deserves nice things, he would never take them away. What kind of brother would do that? "Of course not, I would never! I-"

"Okay, then what's the actual problem? Seriously Tails, I'm here for you."

Where's the Sonic who can't handle emotional conversations when you need him? Tails can already feel his throat closing up and his eyes water. He hates crying. Makes him feel like a dumb baby, and he hasn't been a dumb baby in years.

Sonic just looks so sincere that he can't help it. He can't even unclog his throat to choke out a lie. He can barely choke out the tears. His whole body is rigid, tense, he's never felt quite like this before. Like there's ten thousand pounds of weight on him, and crying will make it all crumble, like he just can't cry or something bad will happen. God, what is wrong with him? Can't even cry right.

Sonic softens. "Oh buddy..." He murmurs, standing up to pull Tails into a hug.

Tails flinches back. He's never done that before, or at least not since he was like four and he's twelve now. Why would he do that? Why...

Sonic's quills fold down, and he puts his hands up, showing Tails he has no weapons, like he is surrendering. The action is familiar in a fuzzy nostalgic way, like he can't actually remember a time when Sonic made this exact action, but he remembers how it made him feel. It's too much. It's been too much. Everything is too much.

Tails breaks down in tears, his shoulders loosen, and he slumps with his head softly placed on Sonic's shoulder. He's just barely shorter than him, and he's sure he'd be taller than him now if it wasn't for malnutrition in his childhood.

Sonic slowly wraps his arms around him, gentle and not squeezing, just like he used to do. Back when Tails was still partially Miles, when he couldn't deal with tight hugs because he was afraid of being trapped. It just makes the fox cry harder.

"Please..." He sobs. "Please don't leave." He feels so selfish. Who is he to stop Sonic from leaving if he wants to? "I can do better. I can be better. I miss you so much."

Tails knows he must sound like a lunatic. He knows it. Because he does miss Sonic, more than words can explain, but he's right here. He's crying for a person who is right in front of him. He's begging him to stay when he hasn't even left yet. Is this manipulation? He's not sure, but it feels like it. He needs to let him go.

Tails suddenly pulls away, ripping himself out of his brother's grasp. "Sorry sorry sorry sorry!" He repeats, at least knowing who he's apologizing to this time. "Sorry. I'm okay, I'm alright."

He tries to muster a smile while wiping away his tears, but Sonic's face makes it drop into more of grimace. Sonic just looks so lost, like he doesn't know what to do, but Sonic always knows what to do. This must be Tails' fault then. Unpredictable emotions getting the better of the hedgehog makes sense, but it looks like so much more than that. Sonic looks like Tails just grew a second head, like he doesn't know what or who he's looking at. He honestly looks kinda... Scared?

Tails bites his lip and swallows, refusing to cry again. He just hopes he doesn't look like a coward when he runs back to his workshop. He hopes it looks like a tactical retreat instead of fleeing with his tail between his legs. He hopes Sonic isn't too mad at him as he makes another selfish decision.

He'll try not to dwell, he has a plan to make, and he needs to focus.

He does dwell btw, bc this entire fic was me projecting onto him. How much can you project before it becomes trauma dumping? I think I am toeing the line with this one. I even gave him my cripplingly paranoid thought process. I couldn't help myself

In my last fic, I mentioned trying to go for this like long winded rambling inner monologue thing. I think I did it way better here than there, but go read that one anyway as well lol, it's much sweeter

NOT sontails, icky icky ship imo

This will be posted on ao3 later, I mean it this time !!

Maybe I'll write a happy ending follow up. Maybe I won't. Don't count on it any time soon.

There's a cut screen from this where Tails tell Sonic he needs to brush his quills bc they got messed up from the wind. He goes along with it knowing damn well him and Shadow were getting nasty and that's why his quills are messy. Smh.

Also, my bsf did in fact leave me for her maaan and I just haven't been coping well so. At least y'all got something out of it lol

Barely proof red, as usual. Feel free to hop into my askbox !! I have something more happy and light hearted in the works as well I promise !!