#sex is like zombies
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im not sex repulsed im actually a reasonable sex hater and i wont be explaining myself
#if people stopped having sex the world would be a better place#sex is like zombies#i like it in fiction but boy am i glad its not real#asexual#aroace#actually asexual#queer#jamie says things maybe 3 people will read and thats okay
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Majima says no kinkshaming! Yes king 👑
#yakuza#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza dead souls#majima goro#they’re just Weekend at Bernie-ing this zombie around#and handcuff and ball gag him and play it off like this is just his schtick#where did you get the handcuffs and ball gag Majima?#why were they so conviently handy Majima?#mans just walking around with an entire sex kit in his pocket on the off chance that a majima everywhere scenario makes itself available#j original
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All evidence suggests yes
#starting a new power scaling system for the warlords of the sea but im rating them based on whether i think theyre an ally or homophobic#kuma is an ally because photos dont lie and hes clearly wearing an ally pin#also you cant spend that much time around somebody with the title “Queen of the Queers” and somehow be homophobic afterwards#unless youre sanji but hes still on his internalized homophobia growth arc. i believe in you buddy you can beat this#crocodile is trans and baroque works is the alphabet mafia in a literal form#with that said. he has the energy of “im not homophobic yall are just annoying”#doffy has the energy of a homophobic homosexual#like hed kiss a guy and then call him a f*g and throw him out a nearby window#jimbei joins the strawhats so ofc HES an ally#blackbeard sucks but i dont think hes homophobic#hes one of those people you meet and theyre just the worst all around and youre like “man this guy has gotta be homophobic”#somebody mentions their partner and you go “oh boy here it is” but he just has no reaction whatsoever#hes such a problem but at least hes not homophobic on top of everything else#Gecko Moria is such a virgin that i dont think he knows being gay exists any more than he knows being straight does#Typa MFer who thinks “sex” is just a synonym for gender#also hed see your top scars and get excited because he thinks youre a zombie#gecko moria probably thinks LGBT is an acronym for some branch of the navy that he doesnt know (or care) about#Because Boa lives on Sapphic island i would jump the gun and immediately say she's an ally but i feel that its more complicated than that#not unlike moria. she also doesnt actually have a real strong grasp on being straight vs being queer#but thats just because shes used to everybody being whipped for her equally#somebody tries to explain it to her and shes just like “??? but theyre all obsessed with me?”#if she ever encounters a gay man it will be a reality shifting event for her#id say itd be the same if she met a sex/romance indifferent aroace but like#monkey d luffy#its already happened#mihawk is probably both an ally and queer himself but he just minds his own business so much that we may never know#one piece#seven warlords#warlords of the sea#bartholomew kuma
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hear me out. transfem duncan.
her name is sabrina and she is the transfem dream. badass blonde chick + leather jacket covered in pins + doc martins + eyeliner enthusiast (gwen showed her how to do it) + always has the cutest hairstyles, like, girl can pull of space buns and braids and everything.
chris tried to capitalize off it and make fun of her after her transition but the other contestants were not having it
she and the people she used to bully when she was a huge eggy bitch are friends. and like, even if they're arguing, if someone calls her by the wrong name/pronouns harold+noah+zeke will go absolutely feral
#total drama#td duncan#tdi#duncan#td harold#harold: “um actually sabrina goes by she/her pronouns. sex and gender are two different things. gender is a social construct.”#and noah would just death stare you like *you motherfucker*#ugh i love the idea of her being friends with all the people she used to make fun of#totaldrama#td noah#td zeke#oh my god i wish zeke went through a cool liberal arc instead of whatever tf the zombie thing was#td ezekiel#ezekiel: “SABRINA IS A TRANSGENDER WOMAN!!!"
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daryl is so asexual that even people who dont know what asexuality is KNOW hes asexual
#the walking dead#daryl dixon#fuckin. watching episodes of the talking dead. especially early seasons#a lot of people talk about like oooooh carol and daryl!!! ROMANCE#but all the actors and directors are like ehhhhhh i dont think daryl would go for that#even the ones who are like yeah i think carols into him but daryl? for SOME REASON i cant name he just isnt into anyone. HUH WILD#or i cant remember when but someone mentioned boning in the zombie apocalypse and was like that might not be a good idea but ~needs~#and somebody brought up daryl and they just said 'i think daryl has other things on his mind'#they LITERALLY were like 'yeah hes not so much worried about sex'#these bitches dont even know the WORD asexuality but they KNOW daryl is ace. its so funny#never in their lives have they heard the term aroace but they know daryl is one. LMAO#its very gratifying for me. yall know and u dont even know what you know. hes just got that much asexual swag#twd
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and now for the dread of leon being roughed up a bit by some of his superiors.
maybe nearly shot by his own men because of the perceived "attack". and if it's post re6? with as on edge as everyone is, especially around him... despite his name being cleared and all... heehoo.
leon being unable to defend himself cause well...
#leon whump ideas#whump#the idea of leon probably feeling very uncomfy post re6 back in the office#like oh yeah... he's the guy who had to put down that guy#that real important one#read a fic about bitchson being abusive to him too so THAT turmoil#ohooohoh#re6 remake please PLEASE.... give that boy some emotionally conflicted turmoil#he could break down a lil after takin out the zombie pres#he could cry a bit with helena being the awkward back pat one#they get a moment to breathe? make him breathe yeah#big ol panic hyperventilating#love the complaining about how sad leon gets mAKE HIM SADDER#this tragic bitch needs some happiness and the fandom does not help how much capcom tortures him...#he can have some pats on the head and chris calling him a good boy and some gay sex with chris redfield
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I cant believe that some people thought the romance in lisa frankenstein was gross because hes a zombie....literally grow up
#and hes not even Full Zombie for the whole movie. he becomes more alive with every tanning bed session#by the time he and lisa have sex hes like 70% alive human again. again i say. grow up
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jigen for the headcanon ask game
Headcanon A: realistic
Jigen is SUCH a liquor connoisseur. He is Picky about it and demands only the finest since he KNOWS Lupin has the money and if Lupin doesn't have the money then he shouldn't have let it go to Fujiko, come on man. I mean he'll drink cheap whiskey in a pinch but he's going to whine and give Lupin the hairy eyeball the whole time.
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious
He does the cartoon character "keep 20 versions of the same outfit" gag but he does it with his hat. Every time his hat gets destroyed or blown off or shot he has like six spares on hand so he's never without it. (His Magnum is one of a kind, though)
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends
Jigen knows that eventually his time with the team is going to come to an end. He'll lose his touch, or they'll grow apart or someone's going to backstab someone else in a way that can't be forgiven or someone will die. Personally, he hopes it's the last one and he hopes it's him, because he really can't see a life for himself in the future without his teammates there. Sure, he can keep running and keep taking jobs until he burns out, but does he want to?
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.
It's hard to come up with anything truly unrealistic in the Lupin III universe but uhhhh maybe the Zombie Hitman Guy was a Jigen ex pre-zombie. It could happen. Actually switch this and the hat one this one's just too stupid but it's making me laugh so
#by the way if you google 'hairy eyeball' to make sure you're using the phrase correctly#don't turn on google images by accident. don't be like me#Jigen: Hangman? Didn't you and I have sex back in Reno#Hangman: Yeah#Jigen: Why are you a friggin' zombie#Hangman: Hey you don't look too hot yourself grandpa let's not throw stones :/#Lupin III
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okay so I guess if literally anyone can come back from the dead so can rogue one
#not like zombie stormtroopers though lmao like idk literally any of the absurd ways that any of these people lived#ahsoka spoilers#im just saying i better see jyn and cass in some other galaxy having lots of sex and babies#tyvm#give bodhi a fucking boyfriend#and let my gay dads be gay dads to these crazy kids
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hey erotic cannibalism people i started a book i didbt know anything about today and now as foreplay a woman is eating her girlfriend’s “golden brain jelly” is that anything for y’all do you know abt this
#im gonna keep reading but After dinner! bc that popping up while i eat pasta was! an experience!#its zombies but like theyre normal mostly like they just live their life#and have brain eating sex apparently which hey good for them#sister maiden monster is the title tho there has been like 1 sister mention#glass reads
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Guys, stop following me. I promise you, I’m not that entertaining. Every time you decide to follow me you bring a train of about 2 dozen bots with you. 😅
#I was at peace#and then I got a new follower#I was happy#but now I'm playing sex bot whack-a-mole again#😭 stop signaling to the bots that I'm someone worth invading#I promise I'm not#(for reals though)#(I greatly appreciate every last one of you who follows me)#(NOT YOU BOTS! GET OUT OF HERE!)#(but all you actual people)#(I love you all)#(I'm just messing)#(but it IS annoying that I was free)#(but the SECOND an actual person followed me)#(it was like a beacon calling all the zombies to my hiding spot)#LycoRogue original
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The most unrealistic thing in Zombie Exodus Safe Haven is how easily Woody's dick got inside my unprep ass like you expect me to believe it got inside on the first try???? You can't even argue that we do have sex often and that's why.
Or is implicated that I prep myself while he was taking that shower. Either that or I was a slut pre-apocalypse and my ass is ready to accept dicks of any size. Those are the only reasonable explications adfshcnx
#zombie exodus safe haven#zombie exodus safe haven woody#or i just read too much fanfiction who knows#but the sex scene in part 3???? you want me to believe I just put that dick inside like no sweat???? pls#i don't think thst's how it works
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not to be edgy but rob zombie understands me like no one else
#beep beep ritchie#it's about the vibes.#i need myself and also my room to look like a rob zombie song came to life#him and the cramps are like sister species#diff genres but they both meet at the intersection of sex and horror just vibe wise#the freaky and perverse u know#music for strip clubs except every girl is a monster and the walls are leopard print and it smells like a hot topic and there's blood -#everywhere#listening to his songs arent enough i need to eat them
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I LOVE MY GIRL ON EROTIC ROMANCE NOVELIST BRAINS
#she’s SO horny…. girl this is almost embarrassing….#izombie lb#i hope she fucks this new zombie guy tho. like yessss girl GET that zombie sex…#poor girl has been completely celibate since her annoying english boyfriend died rest in peace#all because MAJOR was too cowardly to let his zombie gf turn him into a zombie AGAIN via. bodily fluids.
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I will forever be pissed that they gave kiryu an actual love story (the first and only time they actually gave him a proper love story instead of just confessing his love very quickly before the girl succumbs to her injuries) and then retconned his love interest out of the other games like WHY WPUDL YOU DO THAT.
#Yakuza HATEblog#like they motherfucking took her away from me#just because shes a cop ???? they didnt even bring her back for dead souls#like what difference would it have made if they replaced that lady soldier with sayama it would have been the exact same#especially the ‘ive handled guns for longer than you’ line where she fucking shot between her allies to hit the zombies like first of all if#you truly knew about gun safety you wouldnt have done that but what do i know maybe thats just how military dogs are#yeah ehats the difference between a pig and a dog they can both be your best friend#ryuji met his little sister once before she completely dissapleared forever#like what the FUCKKKKKKK BRING HER BACK#SHES THE ONLY WOMAN THAT KIRYU HAS EVER LOVED SHES MY ONLY EVIDENCE FOR BISEXUAL KIRYU PLEASE ....#kiryus like dont call me gay boy call me bisexual boy so that ladies know to hit on me#kiryu doesnt even realise that he himself is bisexual because he keeps falling for men and having sex with girls like sayama is the first#girl hes ever fallen in love with and they took away his gf like they took away pacmans wife fml fuck everything#idc if he actually lover yumi or not but he loved sayama and they just made us forget about her because she wasnt real#she was real to me. they were real to me. but then again i am a real poser#because if people actually cared about kiryu and sayama rhen i wouldnt have to defend her with my life#its only because people hate her that im saying anything
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I had a dream one of my teachers from high school was trying to fuck this dude. I was low-key jealous because she was one of my favorite teachers, and she's hot. Anyways though I was also trying to fucking this older dude
#I also remember playing skyrim sex mods but my character would glitch out and have no head#oh there was also some like zombie thing happening outside#but I was more concerned about fucking that old man sooo#my post
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