#sex is like zombies
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im not sex repulsed im actually a reasonable sex hater and i wont be explaining myself
#if people stopped having sex the world would be a better place#sex is like zombies#i like it in fiction but boy am i glad its not real#asexual#aroace#actually asexual#queer#jamie says things maybe 3 people will read and thats okay
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Majima says no kinkshaming! Yes king 👑
#yakuza#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza dead souls#majima goro#they’re just Weekend at Bernie-ing this zombie around#and handcuff and ball gag him and play it off like this is just his schtick#where did you get the handcuffs and ball gag Majima?#why were they so conviently handy Majima?#mans just walking around with an entire sex kit in his pocket on the off chance that a majima everywhere scenario makes itself available#j original
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All evidence suggests yes
#starting a new power scaling system for the warlords of the sea but im rating them based on whether i think theyre an ally or homophobic#kuma is an ally because photos dont lie and hes clearly wearing an ally pin#also you cant spend that much time around somebody with the title “Queen of the Queers” and somehow be homophobic afterwards#unless youre sanji but hes still on his internalized homophobia growth arc. i believe in you buddy you can beat this#crocodile is trans and baroque works is the alphabet mafia in a literal form#with that said. he has the energy of “im not homophobic yall are just annoying”#doffy has the energy of a homophobic homosexual#like hed kiss a guy and then call him a f*g and throw him out a nearby window#jimbei joins the strawhats so ofc HES an ally#blackbeard sucks but i dont think hes homophobic#hes one of those people you meet and theyre just the worst all around and youre like “man this guy has gotta be homophobic”#somebody mentions their partner and you go “oh boy here it is” but he just has no reaction whatsoever#hes such a problem but at least hes not homophobic on top of everything else#Gecko Moria is such a virgin that i dont think he knows being gay exists any more than he knows being straight does#Typa MFer who thinks “sex” is just a synonym for gender#also hed see your top scars and get excited because he thinks youre a zombie#gecko moria probably thinks LGBT is an acronym for some branch of the navy that he doesnt know (or care) about#Because Boa lives on Sapphic island i would jump the gun and immediately say she's an ally but i feel that its more complicated than that#not unlike moria. she also doesnt actually have a real strong grasp on being straight vs being queer#but thats just because shes used to everybody being whipped for her equally#somebody tries to explain it to her and shes just like “??? but theyre all obsessed with me?”#if she ever encounters a gay man it will be a reality shifting event for her#id say itd be the same if she met a sex/romance indifferent aroace but like#monkey d luffy#its already happened#mihawk is probably both an ally and queer himself but he just minds his own business so much that we may never know#one piece#seven warlords#warlords of the sea#bartholomew kuma
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hear me out. transfem duncan.
her name is sabrina and she is the transfem dream. badass blonde chick + leather jacket covered in pins + doc martins + eyeliner enthusiast (gwen showed her how to do it) + always has the cutest hairstyles, like, girl can pull of space buns and braids and everything.
chris tried to capitalize off it and make fun of her after her transition but the other contestants were not having it
she and the people she used to bully when she was a huge eggy bitch are friends. and like, even if they're arguing, if someone calls her by the wrong name/pronouns harold+noah+zeke will go absolutely feral
#total drama#td duncan#tdi#duncan#td harold#harold: “um actually sabrina goes by she/her pronouns. sex and gender are two different things. gender is a social construct.”#and noah would just death stare you like *you motherfucker*#ugh i love the idea of her being friends with all the people she used to make fun of#totaldrama#td noah#td zeke#oh my god i wish zeke went through a cool liberal arc instead of whatever tf the zombie thing was#td ezekiel#ezekiel: “SABRINA IS A TRANSGENDER WOMAN!!!"
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daryl is so asexual that even people who dont know what asexuality is KNOW hes asexual
#the walking dead#daryl dixon#fuckin. watching episodes of the talking dead. especially early seasons#a lot of people talk about like oooooh carol and daryl!!! ROMANCE#but all the actors and directors are like ehhhhhh i dont think daryl would go for that#even the ones who are like yeah i think carols into him but daryl? for SOME REASON i cant name he just isnt into anyone. HUH WILD#or i cant remember when but someone mentioned boning in the zombie apocalypse and was like that might not be a good idea but ~needs~#and somebody brought up daryl and they just said 'i think daryl has other things on his mind'#they LITERALLY were like 'yeah hes not so much worried about sex'#these bitches dont even know the WORD asexuality but they KNOW daryl is ace. its so funny#never in their lives have they heard the term aroace but they know daryl is one. LMAO#its very gratifying for me. yall know and u dont even know what you know. hes just got that much asexual swag#twd
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Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars
#like why was farscape able to pull off homages like this with such fucking aplomb#when other SF shows do it and look like pandering cgi zombie vultures#it's because the homages were /part of it/!#when we get these visualizations of john's decaying brain they're set on stages like this one#because the scifi heroes that came before him are his guides#and the dark cosmic joke that premises the whole series is that#he's in a scifi universe that doesn't adhere to scifi logic#consequences carry over from one episode to the next#no federation comes to save you; alien women want to have sex with you in nightmares#no one speaks your language or follows your rules#there's no God no singularity no monolith#no true vision of the future#just some poor bastard hallucinating the 2001 louis xiv bedroom#'this is my world meat. you're just walking through it for a very long time.'#mankind's greatest contribution to the absurd
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I cant believe that some people thought the romance in lisa frankenstein was gross because hes a zombie....literally grow up
#and hes not even Full Zombie for the whole movie. he becomes more alive with every tanning bed session#by the time he and lisa have sex hes like 70% alive human again. again i say. grow up
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jigen for the headcanon ask game
Headcanon A: realistic
Jigen is SUCH a liquor connoisseur. He is Picky about it and demands only the finest since he KNOWS Lupin has the money and if Lupin doesn't have the money then he shouldn't have let it go to Fujiko, come on man. I mean he'll drink cheap whiskey in a pinch but he's going to whine and give Lupin the hairy eyeball the whole time.
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious
He does the cartoon character "keep 20 versions of the same outfit" gag but he does it with his hat. Every time his hat gets destroyed or blown off or shot he has like six spares on hand so he's never without it. (His Magnum is one of a kind, though)
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends
Jigen knows that eventually his time with the team is going to come to an end. He'll lose his touch, or they'll grow apart or someone's going to backstab someone else in a way that can't be forgiven or someone will die. Personally, he hopes it's the last one and he hopes it's him, because he really can't see a life for himself in the future without his teammates there. Sure, he can keep running and keep taking jobs until he burns out, but does he want to?
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.
It's hard to come up with anything truly unrealistic in the Lupin III universe but uhhhh maybe the Zombie Hitman Guy was a Jigen ex pre-zombie. It could happen. Actually switch this and the hat one this one's just too stupid but it's making me laugh so
#by the way if you google 'hairy eyeball' to make sure you're using the phrase correctly#don't turn on google images by accident. don't be like me#Jigen: Hangman? Didn't you and I have sex back in Reno#Hangman: Yeah#Jigen: Why are you a friggin' zombie#Hangman: Hey you don't look too hot yourself grandpa let's not throw stones :/#Lupin III
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okay so I guess if literally anyone can come back from the dead so can rogue one
#not like zombie stormtroopers though lmao like idk literally any of the absurd ways that any of these people lived#ahsoka spoilers#im just saying i better see jyn and cass in some other galaxy having lots of sex and babies#tyvm#give bodhi a fucking boyfriend#and let my gay dads be gay dads to these crazy kids
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So after noticing that I haven't been seeing or hearing much of the traditional "War on Christmas" nonsense that's plagued my every holiday season for years like clockwork, I did some digging because I am very normal.
Apparently the Washington Post noticed this trend as well, and were even able to track how "War on Christmas" discourse actually peaked during 2012/2013 (so around the election and the Start of Obama's second term. Gee I wonder why) and has been on a decline ever since.
For me, the holiday season didn't begin until Uncle Bill O'Reilly, drunk off Thanksgiving turkey and secret whiskey started pulling out his notes about how the Gap and Macy's were killing Judeo-Christian values.
It's all just "woke" now! Back in my day the War on Christmas used to mean something, dammit! Sure it was a stupid, petty, exhausting construct of paranoia and grievance, but back then (so like...2012) you could cheerfully and sincerely wish your conservative friends, family, and acquaintances a "Happy Holiday" and watch their faces turn red with rage, and that was a gift that kept us warm during a long winter that actually had snow.
Shaking my heard that this new War on Woke has killed our holiday traditions. So sad.
#Crack#War on Christmas#Politics#Christmas#is it sad that I do genuinely miss the War on Christmas bullshit?#it feels like a simpler time even thought it was stupid and awful#an artifact of 2000s era politics where the fascism and Christian nationalism was all dog-whistles and subtext#but it's really no surprise it's not really a thing anymore since ''War on Christmas'' was just the conservative gateway drug#feeding that Conservative Christian persecution complex that only got angrier and more bitter#the more ground they lost to weed legalization and same-sex marriage#War on Christmas shambled so ''Woke'' could charge at us like shitty fast zombies
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hey erotic cannibalism people i started a book i didbt know anything about today and now as foreplay a woman is eating her girlfriend’s “golden brain jelly” is that anything for y’all do you know abt this
#im gonna keep reading but After dinner! bc that popping up while i eat pasta was! an experience!#its zombies but like theyre normal mostly like they just live their life#and have brain eating sex apparently which hey good for them#sister maiden monster is the title tho there has been like 1 sister mention#glass reads
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as Easter fast approaches i would like to take this moment to tell all my newer followers about the incredibly sacrilegious Easter Jesus zombie movie idea that my friends and i came up with freshman year of college
the basic premise is that Jesus rises from the dead every year at Easter and, as a reanimated dead guy (don’t start with me about the nature of the trinity ok), brings with him the zombie apocalypse
but since it’s Jesus who’s the zombie the movie protagonists can’t kill him normal ways and instead they have to sin as hard as possible so that enough sin will accumulate that Jesus will once again die for humanity’s sins and the zombie apocalypse will end
so the movie follows a group of weary Terry Pratchett-style atheists (they know Jesus exists, but they don’t *believe* in him as it’ll just encourage him) as they do as many Seven Deadly Sins as quickly and intensely as possible to put Jesus and his army of zombie Evangelicals (infected by taking Communion, the literal blood/body of zombie Christ) back down before they destroy society altogether
there are gory Wrath scenes and needlessly objectifying Lust scenes and they hire the chocolate guy to do gorgeously crafted Gluttony scenes and get some real good naps in for Sloth scenes etc etc
at the end, our heroes have managed to sin enough that Jesus dies again and his horde of Evangelical zombies become human again
that is, until next Easter, when Jesus will rise again.....
#credit to Teague and Matt for the Easter Jesus zombie movie idea#i capitalized the Christian words in this one because when im being incredibly sacrilegious its only proper to show that modicum of respect#think of this as a shitty c-list movie that gets played at 1am on like the syfy channel or whatever#it could include some sort of ritual Good Friday ceremony where the protagonists all get together to channel the power of the day Jesus died#its a really fun idea for a campy cheap effects gratuitous sex and violence slasher-type film ok#sorry Christians#i wish you all a meaningful and happy Easter#go have a good time attending church and collecting magic eggs laid by a rabbit#zombie Jesus#I spam
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I know it can't happen but now I'm thinking about lestat awaking from hibernation from hearing louis' name echoing in the minds of vampires after this interview gets published and crawling out of some nasty hole to have cathartic hate sex with louis in parallel to louis swimming the mississippi after hearing lestat's song :/ romance
#lbr i just want them to have crazy sex while lestat is covered in graveyard dirt and looking like a zombie#the rest are just excuses
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Guys, stop following me. I promise you, I’m not that entertaining. Every time you decide to follow me you bring a train of about 2 dozen bots with you. 😅
#I was at peace#and then I got a new follower#I was happy#but now I'm playing sex bot whack-a-mole again#😭 stop signaling to the bots that I'm someone worth invading#I promise I'm not#(for reals though)#(I greatly appreciate every last one of you who follows me)#(NOT YOU BOTS! GET OUT OF HERE!)#(but all you actual people)#(I love you all)#(I'm just messing)#(but it IS annoying that I was free)#(but the SECOND an actual person followed me)#(it was like a beacon calling all the zombies to my hiding spot)#LycoRogue original
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The most unrealistic thing in Zombie Exodus Safe Haven is how easily Woody's dick got inside my unprep ass like you expect me to believe it got inside on the first try???? You can't even argue that we do have sex often and that's why.
Or is implicated that I prep myself while he was taking that shower. Either that or I was a slut pre-apocalypse and my ass is ready to accept dicks of any size. Those are the only reasonable explications adfshcnx
#zombie exodus safe haven#zombie exodus safe haven woody#or i just read too much fanfiction who knows#but the sex scene in part 3???? you want me to believe I just put that dick inside like no sweat???? pls#i don't think thst's how it works
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not to be edgy but rob zombie understands me like no one else
#beep beep ritchie#it's about the vibes.#i need myself and also my room to look like a rob zombie song came to life#him and the cramps are like sister species#diff genres but they both meet at the intersection of sex and horror just vibe wise#the freaky and perverse u know#music for strip clubs except every girl is a monster and the walls are leopard print and it smells like a hot topic and there's blood -#everywhere#listening to his songs arent enough i need to eat them
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