#sex is like zombies

[ineffablejaymee]

im not sex repulsed im actually a reasonable sex hater and i wont be explaining myself

[theposhperyton]

All evidence suggests yes

[deadsouls-is-canon]

Majima says no kinkshaming! Yes king 👑

[malwaredetected]

hear me out. transfem duncan.

her name is sabrina and she is the transfem dream. badass blonde chick + leather jacket covered in pins + doc martins + eyeliner enthusiast (gwen showed her how to do it) + always has the cutest hairstyles, like, girl can pull of space buns and braids and everything.

chris tried to capitalize off it and make fun of her after her transition but the other contestants were not having it

she and the people she used to bully when she was a huge eggy bitch are friends. and like, even if they're arguing, if someone calls her by the wrong name/pronouns harold+noah+zeke will go absolutely feral

[springcatalyst]

daryl is so asexual that even people who dont know what asexuality is KNOW hes asexual

[ophelia-thinks]

Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars

[cometcrystal]

I cant believe that some people thought the romance in lisa frankenstein was gross because hes a zombie....literally grow up

[the-golden-ghost]

jigen for the headcanon ask game

Headcanon A:  realistic

Jigen is SUCH a liquor connoisseur. He is Picky about it and demands only the finest since he KNOWS Lupin has the money and if Lupin doesn't have the money then he shouldn't have let it go to Fujiko, come on man. I mean he'll drink cheap whiskey in a pinch but he's going to whine and give Lupin the hairy eyeball the whole time.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He does the cartoon character "keep 20 versions of the same outfit" gag but he does it with his hat. Every time his hat gets destroyed or blown off or shot he has like six spares on hand so he's never without it. (His Magnum is one of a kind, though)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Jigen knows that eventually his time with the team is going to come to an end. He'll lose his touch, or they'll grow apart or someone's going to backstab someone else in a way that can't be forgiven or someone will die. Personally, he hopes it's the last one and he hopes it's him, because he really can't see a life for himself in the future without his teammates there. Sure, he can keep running and keep taking jobs until he burns out, but does he want to?

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

It's hard to come up with anything truly unrealistic in the Lupin III universe but uhhhh maybe the Zombie Hitman Guy was a Jigen ex pre-zombie. It could happen. Actually switch this and the hat one this one's just too stupid but it's making me laugh so

[jyndor]

okay so I guess if literally anyone can come back from the dead so can rogue one

[shinobicyrus]

So after noticing that I haven't been seeing or hearing much of the traditional "War on Christmas" nonsense that's plagued my every holiday season for years like clockwork, I did some digging because I am very normal.

Apparently the Washington Post noticed this trend as well, and were even able to track how "War on Christmas" discourse actually peaked during 2012/2013 (so around the election and the Start of Obama's second term. Gee I wonder why) and has been on a decline ever since.

For me, the holiday season didn't begin until Uncle Bill O'Reilly, drunk off Thanksgiving turkey and secret whiskey started pulling out his notes about how the Gap and Macy's were killing Judeo-Christian values.

It's all just "woke" now! Back in my day the War on Christmas used to mean something, dammit! Sure it was a stupid, petty, exhausting construct of paranoia and grievance, but back then (so like...2012) you could cheerfully and sincerely wish your conservative friends, family, and acquaintances a "Happy Holiday" and watch their faces turn red with rage, and that was a gift that kept us warm during a long winter that actually had snow.

Shaking my heard that this new War on Woke has killed our holiday traditions. So sad.

[glassamphibians]

hey erotic cannibalism people i started a book i didbt know anything about today and now as foreplay a woman is eating her girlfriend’s “golden brain jelly” is that anything for y’all do you know abt this

[shirawords]

as Easter fast approaches i would like to take this moment to tell all my newer followers about the incredibly sacrilegious Easter Jesus zombie movie idea that my friends and i came up with freshman year of college

the basic premise is that Jesus rises from the dead every year at Easter and, as a reanimated dead guy (don’t start with me about the nature of the trinity ok), brings with him the zombie apocalypse

but since it’s Jesus who’s the zombie the movie protagonists can’t kill him normal ways and instead they have to sin as hard as possible so that enough sin will accumulate that Jesus will once again die for humanity’s sins and the zombie apocalypse will end

so the movie follows a group of weary Terry Pratchett-style atheists (they know Jesus exists, but they don’t *believe* in him as it’ll just encourage him) as they do as many Seven Deadly Sins as quickly and intensely as possible to put Jesus and his army of zombie Evangelicals (infected by taking Communion, the literal blood/body of zombie Christ) back down before they destroy society altogether

there are gory Wrath scenes and needlessly objectifying Lust scenes and they hire the chocolate guy to do gorgeously crafted Gluttony scenes and get some real good naps in for Sloth scenes etc etc

at the end, our heroes have managed to sin enough that Jesus dies again and his horde of Evangelical zombies become human again

that is, until next Easter, when Jesus will rise again.....

[coffincoitus]

I know it can't happen but now I'm thinking about lestat awaking from hibernation from hearing louis' name echoing in the minds of vampires after this interview gets published and crawling out of some nasty hole to have cathartic hate sex with louis in parallel to louis swimming the mississippi after hearing lestat's song :/ romance

[lycorogue]

Guys, stop following me. I promise you, I’m not that entertaining. Every time you decide to follow me you bring a train of about 2 dozen bots with you. 😅

[dancing-with-death-at-prom]

The most unrealistic thing in Zombie Exodus Safe Haven is how easily Woody's dick got inside my unprep ass like you expect me to believe it got inside on the first try???? You can't even argue that we do have sex often and that's why.

Or is implicated that I prep myself while he was taking that shower. Either that or I was a slut pre-apocalypse and my ass is ready to accept dicks of any size. Those are the only reasonable explications adfshcnx

[quintsmachete]

not to be edgy but rob zombie understands me like no one else