#severance shitpost

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Dylan and Mark having some very different innie/outie interactions today

[wellness-director-ms-casey]

Your outie uses chopsticks in a frighteningly ravenous and non-standard manner.

[tinkertoysdamn]

I haven't even seen Severance Season 2 yet but from every post I've seen this is how I feel:

[fruitfulchaos]

gemma scout in episode 7 of severance season 2

no! cozy games will kill the patient. she needs violent dogshit to live

[the-future-is-chrome]

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

[wellfine]

Au fucking revoir Mister Prince

[demonicsuffrage]

Batman regularly conducts performance evaluations/reviews for all the justice league members on an annual basis

Someone in the league, probably Hal or Barry, brings up how unfair it is that none of the robins have to go through it, when it's the most daunting thing ever. So now, the batkids have to go through mandatory performance reviews too

Bruce: The audit team says the budget this time was way higher than the last?

Tim, who's laundering an entire batmobile: We just needed extra snacks to feed the bats in the cave

Bruce: They suddenly needed more food?

Tim: Actually the previous bats all adopted new baby bats. Cause they're all like you, you know?

Bruce, trying not to cry: okay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: The record says you broke the 'no gun rule' fifty times in the past month.

Jason: Damn just fifty?

Bruce: That's not acceptable

Jason: What are you gonna do, fire me? Your poor posthumous son?

Bruce:

Jason: That's what I thought, see you at dinner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In the medical record, all your injuries are listed as 'nunya'. Care to elaborate?

Dick, hitting a pose: Nunya business

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: How would you rate yourself and your performance on a scale of 1-5?

Cass, trying to sound professional: 4.8

Bruce, concerned: Why did you deduct the 0.2? Self-esteem is important. You're getting a five, review over

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you like to say about your repeated-

Duke: I'm severely understaffed, you know? As in, i literally work my shift alone, so

Bruce: Fair enough, I apologize, you may leave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In your own words, please explain why we should keep you around for another year

Damian, having to deal with this right after a long patrol: I'm your blood son. Would you fire me? Firing Richard as Robin wasn't enough?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you say your biggest flaws have been, while working this year?

Steph, experienced in these cause of her service jobs: I cared too much. And I worked too hard.

Bruce:

Steph: Can't forget I'm also too good at my job.

[fruitfulchaos]

asal reghabi from severance

Doctor calls you with your bloodwork results and just says “I’m really mad at you” and then hangs up

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

[slicklike007]

[irkedisaac]

meet-cute between two guards who were both knocked out and stashed in a vent by a masked assassin

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Milchick is losing it, everyone is having a multidimensional love polyhedron affair, mark is dead. macrodata is NOT getting refined. live laugh love severance season two

[wellness-director-ms-casey]

Your outie enjoys music, and once listened to a single song on loop for 12 hours straight.

[mcrlboro]

mark S the type of guy to get sold to one direction

[mothpendragon]

I was struck by a moment of inspiration and made this, enjoy!! Part 2 is here!

@kyri45

Oh yeah, swearing warning (it’s Snapcube what’d you expect)

[cry-ptidd]

I can't see Vlad and Alucard as the same people Ik they are but like. Not the same vibes