#several things happened actually: ive got a job.

[forgaeven]

sorry for not being here! irl commitment ended up taking my time, but my weekends are free 💚 i’m hopeful i could be here again by then!

[mrfutureboy]

skfkdkksksk

[tempural]

Started with this B/W sketchbook drawing. Got inspired by the look of the sketchbook spiral on the side, cuz it looked like film notches. Made me think of x-ray scans. Ended up doing the whole medical route on the final drawing.

Coloring method was mostly pressing the "invert" tool to turn the canvas black. Then painting red/yellow with gradient maps. And then drawing the glowing blue lines, as well as typing the "medical" text, on an "add" layer.

Spoilers and long head canons and unlicensed medical talk under the cut.

The text reads:

REVIEWED BY PONY EXPRESS AUTODOC MODEL-SCUMSUCK

PATIENT: CURLY

Near total body disruption from explosive decompression

Complete dermal vascular system collapse

Severe radiation poisoning

Hyperosmolar hyperglycemic state

Muscle and bone cachexia

Single eye rupture

Chronic obstructive pulmonary

Testicular rupture

Severe leukopenia

Itchiness and dry eye

RECOMMENDED TREATMENT

Administer intravenous therapy and catheter

Support neck and spine

Change bandages as supplies last

Orally administer paracetamol for pain

Turn and reposition patient every 2 hours to prevent bed sores

Create relaxing enviroment

Listen attentively to understand emotional state

Allow time for exercise and meditation

Encourage positive thinking

Brush teeth

Administer mouthwash

SIGNED OFF BY DOCTOR ANYA

Of course none of the treatment is actually good. In the game itself, you give him paracetamol (TYLENOL) for pain haha. So I thought I'd go along with the bad medical advice. Including that universal medical advice you get to do "exercise and meditation" if you are in a bad mood :)

I think I spent about as much time looking up the medical stuff (specifically things in relation to explosion damage and radiation damage - thinking of the Byford Dolphin Incident as well as Hisashi Ouchi) as I did with the coloring! We don't know what exactly happened with Curly, but I'd just guess with my lack of medical knowledge that the ship crashed, something exploded, and he was exposed to intense radiation.

Realistically he wouldn't be surviving with the level of medical care they have available on the ship, so I drew a couple things I thought would help him... namely the IV and catheter haha. Also thought it'd be a fun time to introduce my favorite headcanon to gift cute characters: the gift of genital nullification. Yes, I drew this mostly to show off my not-buff and no-pp headcanons!!!!

I like Curly with no skin, no muscle, no hair. It's ok if he had those before. I probably wouldn't draw him "recovered" with perfectly functioning prosthetic limbs and magically regrown vocal cords and sexy 8 pack abs. That's just me. He could get a wheelchair, perhaps some sort of eye controlled assisted communication like Stephen Hawking (but Curly doesn't seem to be able to control his jaw or cheek?).

Thinking about ~da dystopian future~ and what support he would even get? His job ain't gettin him anything :P He doesn't seem to be in the sort of society with universal healthcare, they'd drain his savings and then put him in a dark room with a nurse that turns him over once every 24 hours... Well, that's if they find him. I think he's staying frozen for 20 years and then melting like Walt Disney once the power runs out.

[lululandd]

rabid; (iii.)

pairing: simon ‘ghost’ riley x gn!reader

word count: 1,077

warnings: comedy, unhinged topics, reader has seasonal depression

note: still miss ghost sometimes, so here i go.

summary: It’s been a rough few months for Ghost. No, it’s not his job for once, work is going well actually. They got a raise, a bonus, and Farah had said something so unspeakable to Soap that the Scot had actually behaved for a mission or two. His problem was with his rabid neighbour.

part i. | part ii. | part iii. | part iv.

Something had happened in your life that he heard you talking less and less hours every night, sometimes not at all. He thought it was seasonal depression—hell, even he suffers from them—yet when he returned that summer you were still absent. He had wondered how to bring it up, whether he can help with something, anything to make you talk again.

Over the past months he had realised how quiet it is without you, how bare and empty his flat is, and how terrible his thoughts are. Without realising, he came home hoping you would be there for him. Inadvertently he had placed expectation in a stranger’s hands.

All he knows is your name.

And favourite flavour of ice-cream, and your preferred drink of choice, allergies, the pets you wish you could have at the flat, your favourite band, your—

Oh no.

His head throbbed with the truth, caressing his temple did not ease his headache even a tiny bit.

It’s a parasocial relationship. His neighbour doesn’t even know his name, you don’t even know if he drinks tea or coffee, and yet here he is, listing all the things he hears over the wall like some sort of stalker.

One night he heard you. It was two in the morning, way past anyone’s time to be awake, and yet there you were. Gone were the playful edge of your voice, gone were the laughter and the lunatic questions. It was as if another person he did not recognise was talking. 

He couldn’t stand your new voice, devoid of energy and motivation. He missed the cheerfulness in your tone, he missed the way your voice would rise several notes higher when you greet a friend, he missed the way you baby-talk when there seems to be animals involved.

Fuck it all to hell, he missed you.

So he started lying.

Knocking on your door to borrow a screwdriver because he ‘broke’ his, bothering you to borrow an egg because he was baking, and all these little lies, so he could check up on how you’re doing without actually checking up on you.

Eventually he saw the annoyance in your face and stopped trying even though he was still worried. In his desperation, he comes up to your front door with the only thing left.

The truth.

Your hair was a little messy, he saw the bags under your eyes, and noted the heavily wrinkled shirt you have on. 

“Let’s go to the park.” He heard himself say.

You stared at him in disbelief before unnecessarily snarking at him, “You gonna make me help you pick up widows at the park or what is it this time?”

He held his giggle in, “Do I look like I’d fancy widows?”

You eyed him before shrugging, “Or winos maybe.”

“Oi.” He warned, “I want you to accompany me to the lolly stand by the fountain.”

“It’s broad fucking daylight—” you gestured wildly behind you, “—and you’re taller than my door. What are you so scared of at the lolly stand that you’d need me to come with?”

He smirked while lowering his voice for dramatic effect, “The widows.” His smile grew wider as he heard you snort behind the now half-closed door.

—-

The park was bustling with picnic goers, bicyclists, and to Simon’s delight, pet owners. He stole glances from time to time, and is pleased to see your face brighten up bit by bit. He pretended to tie his shoe next to a half-shaved Samoyed. Both you and the dog enjoyed each other’s company for the better part of three minutes before you caught on to what he’s doing.

“Your shoes were never untied.”

“Nope. It was, yeah.” He puts on his ‘convincing’ tone he reserves for new recruits. “Had difficulty bending over, ya see. Since I’m tall and can barely crouch down and look at my own feet.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Your tone was brusque but he could see the ghost of a smile at the corner of your lips.

The girl at the counter announced that the orange lollies are out and there are only strawberry flavoured ones left.

You shot him a look, “Well?”

He led you a little way away from the stand to half whisper, “Can’t stand the strawberry ones.”

“So… We walked out here for nothing?”

He pointed at a random dog, “Got to see pups, that’s something, innit?”

You turned your head to look at the little dachshund trotting about and Simon got to see your full blown smile. It was directed at the dog at first, but you turned your head at the very last second before he could look away.

“Thanks, Simon.”

All the gears in his head stopped for a full two seconds before slowly spinning back on. “You know my name?”

Nodding, you avoided his eyes as you answered. “Heard your Scottish friend say your name a couple times.”

“Yeah?” He couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve been listening?”

“Not on purpose! The walls aren’t really… thick.” Simon noted the way the tip of your ears are tinted pink when you’re embarrassed.

“Yeah, I got to learn about raccoons’ circumference—“ he lowered his voice, “—and those prolapsed urethras.”

“You wanna know something about the prolapse?”

“Honestly, no. But tell me anyway.” He directed you towards the parking lot and hopefully you will say yes.

“It looked like a doughnut.”

Simon has never needed to yell outside of work, not even to drunk bastards at the pub, but he made an exception for you. He deemed the mental scarring worth it for the full blown giggle fit you had as he steered you towards his car with his hand on your lower back.

“Where are we going?” You looked up, not even trying to squirm out of his touch, as if you’ve always belonged there in his hold.

“There’s another lolly stand at the park by the river.”

You nodded, sitting in the front seat as soon as he unlocked the car. The sadness in your eyes came back as he drove, but he was satisfied that he got to see you smile, if only for a moment.

[compassionatereminders]

hi this is just a vent because i cant stop feeling bad about certain things its pretty disjointed. feel free to ignore. thank you for the space for this and the patience and kindness you consistently show. it feels isolating in disabled communities sometimes as someone who was medically neglected and falls into the margins of certain diagnoses and is still undiagnosed for autism and never received any official help, it was all off the books type stuff or i simply suffered/failed in silence. i feel like im not "anything" enough to be real or deserve help or community. that my existence is disrespectful or appropriative of the people who have more "real" experiences that should be listened to and lifted up more than me. that i got the "disability lite" experience somehow and would be misleading others if i claimed to be similar to them. "who needs more of some probably low support needs person ranting about their hurt little feelings, dont we have enough?" < evil thing my brain likes to tell me. i dont actually know what my support needs are its all very confusing and apparently only something a doctor can tell you. but i see people say that LSN level 1 autistics are always speaking over people and taking up too much space, and i get paranoid, am i doing that?! is that me? of course feeling this way just makes me more guilty. nobody has it easy, and you cant compare experiences. i know this. but i still feel like im not allowed. im taking something away from people who need it more. its not rational but im consumed by it at times. i had the difficulties of others used to guilt me into doing things as a child and to explain why i should be able to do something. have been dismissed by caregivers and doctors when i finally got brave enough and learned the right language to bring something up. so i just gave up. if i really needed it that badly, if it really was that disabling, someone would have noticed right? people like that dont just fall through the cracks do they? it's prevented me from seeking out local resources like day programs because they have waitlists, though they dont require diagnosis. all i can think is that im some ungrateful low support person whose taking something from someone who needs it more. and thats a horrible thought to have about myself or anyone and not a real thing that even happens. even a word to describe my experience feels like its asking for too much. i haven't even sought out SSI. even though ive never finished school or went to college, had a job, cant drive cant work, and only get by because i have very nice people in my life supporting me financially. i know how long it takes (im usa) to get on SSI. and how likely it is to get denied even with all the qualifiers above. how invasive and invalidating it is. dont know if i can take that process. but i also need more independence and help than im getting right now, because my issues are worsening as i age and i just cant do things or really live life. but it all feels like its not enough, even though i know theres nothing that WOULD ever be enough. thanks for listening.

This is internalized ableism in action. 1. All kinds of people fall through the cracks of the system. All kinds of people, with all kinds of disabilities, of all kinds of severities. 2. The idea that only the most impaired people deserve support and accommodations is far more harmful to ALL disabled people than the alternative. Disability is not a competition, and turning it into one hurts everyone. 2. Having low support needs doesn't equal having no support needs. And you clearly do have support needs that you deserve to have accommodated.

[codecicle]

If you don't mind me asking how did you get top surgery at 15? Not that there's a problem with that! Its just really cool thay you were able to, i dont think ive heard of that before

Ah, really it was all the work of my wonderful amazing mother! In all honesty, I would never be even CLOSE to being this happy if it wasn't for her and everything she did to keep me safe and let me transition. Short answer: I got lucky with living in the transgender shield of New York because my parents are rad and moved us up there

Long answer: Quite a few things actually! For starters, I was lucky enough to live in a state that allowed it, and I had proof of being dysphoric from a young age through therapy records and mental health checks. (<- not Necessary, but definitely helped my case! the government LOVESS the mentally ill lmfao) Really when medically transitioning, you need a few things on a list.

1: A letter of recommendation from a therapist (I've been through Several, so no problem there! Just need proof from a mental health professional that you are who you say you are, and you're not going to regret the change)

2: A letter from your general practioner/medical provider, signing off on the surgery (this will actually happen Several Times. but you need one to start off the whole thing)

3: If you're a minor, proof that you're fully developed puberty-wise, through a physical exam with your doctor!

Then, you take all of those to a plastic surgeon. I had an amazing doctor that took wonderful care of me and did a perfect job with the surgery, and I'd really recommend doing a metric shit-ton of research on whatever surgeon you end up choosing! The best bet most often is whatever other trans people recommend. This surgeon will then sign off on it, and you'll book some dates. In my case, there was 2 pre-op meetings! One where they looked at my chest and decided on the best procedure to use, and one where they had my mother fill out consent forms and book the date of the final surgery. (Again, assuming it's a minor like me going through this process, it's likely they haven't been through a surgery before! So there might be one more appointment with a doctor where they check your general muscle strength and how well you'll recover from the anesthetic/surgery in general. Really easy check-up, that typically functions as a less invasive physical)

It's a long, time consuming process that's very fuckin expensive lmao, but I promise you it's worth it. It's so very very worth it. I could go into all the little details of every step of the process and all the hoops I jumped through, but it can and will vary from person to person! Again, I just got very very very goddamn lucky with a family that supports me and was willing to help me as much as they have. Im the luckiest guy on the planet I'm pretty sure. Everyday I get to wake up in the body I've always wanted to have and feel amazing about it.

[lionlena]

Dancing With Your Ghost (JavierPeñaxghost!reader) Part IV

Summary: You are a ghost (sort of) and you don’t remember what happened to you. You only know your name and you feel that something bad has happened to you. The only person who sees you and hears you is Javier, so you don’t leave him because you believe he’ll help you. That he will solve the mystery of what happened to you.

Warnigs: the reader is a ghost, mentions of death, angst, later chapters will also include descriptions of severe wounds, blood… And also sadness, anxiety, little smut but later

A/N: Title inspired by this song

Part IV

Javi watched you walk around the office and couldn't help but smile slightly. You acted like a child and he wondered again how old you might be. You looked like 24, maybe 26, but he knew you might as well have been 22 or 28. You couldn't give him an answer to that question. Right now, you were acting like a six-year-old in a candy store.  

And of course, Chris got one blank message on a pager. Javi just rolled his eyes and shook his head as you looked at him. In return, you gave him one of your sweetest smiles and shrugged.

After all, what's the point of being a ghost if you can't make a little mischief? 

After a while, even gathering office gossip got boring and you went back to Javier's office. He didn't notice you approaching him. As a ghost you moved silently, so he couldn't hear you. He was going through a folder with pictures of dead women. You held your breath and squealed. Just then he realize you were there and quickly closed the briefcase muttering, "Sorry."  

You shook your head and quietly asked: "These are pictures... Are you looking for..." 

Javier looked at you sadly: "Your body is not here."  

You nodded your head and bit your lip. "Do you watch a lot of this?"  

"What should I answer you? Too much, for..."  

Javier stopped as he saw Daniel coming towards him. 

"Boss, we have something. We think we know where Miguel's son is. It can get rough."  

Javier stood up abruptly and nodded his head: "Go, I'll catch up with you in a moment."  

He grabbed the receiver of the phone and looked at you with worried eyes.  

"Please Y/N, stay here. I can't during the action..."  

Before he finished his sentence, you nodded, "I know. Just be careful."  

"I will," he replied and took his gun from the desk.  

Before leaving his office, he paused in the doorway for a moment and looked at you. You gave him a soft smile and then he continued walking.  

In fact, you really wanted to go with him, but you had already realized that his job was sometimes very dangerous. You also knew you were distracting him, even when you didn't say anything. Javier even told you that once: "I can't help but think what will happen if a bullet goes through you. Yes, I know, nothing should happen to you, but... What if it's like silver bullets and werewolves." You rolled your eyes and he gave you an annoyed look. "Well, if you exist, then maybe werewolves too." 

It made you laugh a bit, but... You didn't want to see what would happen if you actually got in the crossfire. The truth was that neither of you had any idea how this whole, "ghosted" thing worked.

For example, you noticed that it was hard for you to walk through thick walls, so most of the time you chose the door but you didn't know why wall thickness was a problem.

You sighed heavily and sat down in his chair. You were worried about him, but there was nothing you could do. It wasn't just that Javi was the only person you could talk to. Just like that... You liked him.

You spent the next hours wandering around the increasingly empty floor. You watched people gather their things and go home. And all you thought was that you didn't have a home. Maybe in the past, if someone asked you if you wanted to be a ghost, you'd say, "Yeah, sure, that must be fucking awesome."

Well, it wasn't.

There was nothing cool about watching other people can live, while you couldn't even pick a stupid pen off the floor.

There was nothing awesome about not being able to talk to anyone but one person. Yes, Javi was your only ray of sunshine, even when he was grumpy. But that wasn't that nice either. You were addicted to one person. And you knew he was tired of you sometimes.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't even notice Javier approaching.

"Tough day?" he asked in a tired voice.

You lifted your head up and smiled. You looked at him carefully, looking for any signs of injury, and breathed a sigh of relief  when you not seeing anything.

"Did you catch him?" you asked, but his heavy sigh was the answer.

Javier poured himself a whiskey and sat down on the couch. He was no longer wearing a tie, the top buttons of his shirt undone, and the sleeves rolled up. He was tired, but you thought he looked hot anyway.

"The motherfucker tricked us," he hissed.

You bit your lip not knowing how to react. How were you supposed to help him? If you could, you would sit next to him. Maybe you could start massaging his tense shoulders. If only he would let you kiss his jaw, climb into his lap and undo his pants...

You shook your head. God, where did you keep having these thoughts?

"Stechner's computer burned down," you blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Javier snapped his head up, clearly intrigued.

"Maybe... I was exaggerating a bit. I just wanted to tease him, but suddenly something clicked and the computer started smoking."

Javier tipped his head back and started laughing.

"It's good to know I wasn't the only one having a fucked up day."

You smiled as you watched Javier's mood improve. Maybe he shouldn't be so happy about Bill's bad luck, but... You knew Stechner was an asshole.

Javier finally got up and said, "Let's go home."

You suddenly felt happier. Even if he didn't mean you were going back to "yours" home, you felt better.

 *

(A month later)

It's funny how things can go wrong so quickly. After failing to catch David, Javier grew more nervous and frustrated every day. You've seen how sometimes it's hard for him to keep from growling at you. You heard him mention someone names Cristina a few times, but when you asked about her, he brushed you off in half sentences. Sometimes you deliberately left the apartment before he came back so he could calm down.

You were disappointed and sad. You understood that he was tired, but you had the feeling that he had completely abandoned your case. You tried to be patient, but it didn't always work.

When you showed up at home after midnight, you were surprised to find that Javier wasn't there. You ignored it at first. You figured he'd gone to the prostitutes and would come by in the morning for fresh clothes.

But he wasn't there in the morning or in the afternoon. You started to panic. You turned on the TV on the news program, anxiously awaiting some news.

Killing a DEA agent would have been publicized for sure, but they didn't say anything on the news either.

Late in the evening, you were already so restless that you decided to go to the embassy. You knew the way and figured you might hear something there.

But just as you were about to leave, Javier entered the apartment.

You immediately ran over to him.

"Where were you? I was worried about you. I was afraid that..."

"Are you playing wife again?!" he growled. "What was I supposed to do? Call? From what I remember, you don't have the ability to pick up the phone."

You shook your head and took a step back. You didn't understand why he was like this again. You tried to lighten the situation somehow.

"I'm sorry... Is it weird that I was worried about you?"

Javier put his hands on his sides and took deep breaths. He wanted to calm down, but Cristina's words hit him again and again: "You think you're a hero", "you are a piece of shit ."

She was right, but why didn't you see it? Why didn't you understand that you'd be better off without him?

"You were worried about who would solve your case if I died."

His words were like a blow.

"Why are you saying that? You know it's not true. I like you."

He threw his hands up in the air and looked at you angrily.

"And that's the problem! Can't you see that?! You've been with me for two months and... Nothing! Stop believing I'll help you. Stop believing I'm a good person because the truth is I'm a bastard. I save people when it suits me. I allow people to be killed when I see no other way. You don't know anything about me!" He took a deep breath and calmly said, "I'm really sorry, but I can't help you, it's too hard."

You felt like you were about to cry, but you didn't want to give him the satisfaction. You took a step towards him and growled.

"Have you thought for a moment how hard it is for me?! I'm dead Javier! I will never dance with anyone again, never eat ice cream, never hug anyone, never kiss anyone... Not only you and your work are the most important in this world, you know?"

Javier clenched his jaw and rubbed his hand restlessly across his neck. Why did you have to remind him of what hurt him the most? Yes, he couldn't hug you. He couldn't kiss you. This frustrated him so much and he lost control of his anger.

"Yeah, you're dead! You can wait another week or two... You can wait fucking years, but living people whose lives depend on me can't wait! Yes, it's sad that you're dead, but you can still do something. Why don't you just get on a plane and see the world?! You can be free. You can enjoy..."

"Life!" you growled. You would hit him if you could. "You don't know what it's like to be a ghost! You don't know what it's like to feel that kind of pain!" He looked at you surprised. "Yes Javier, I feel pain, constantly... Pressure, right here." You touched your chest. "You don't know if I have time. You think so, but two months ago you didn't even believe in me, and now you're a ghost specialist! What if we have limited time to get to the other side? What if I'm going to hell tomorrow? Forgive me that I bothered you, but you were my only chance."

Javier took a step towards you, stretched out his hand, and tried to say something, but you turned around and ran outside. You knew he wouldn't follow you. He wouldn't have had a chance to catch you, but you didn't stop running.

You decided to go to the airport and fly to the farthest place you could find. Maybe Javier was right.

He wasn't who you thought he was, and maybe...

Maybe there was someone else in the world who could help you

*

Javier stood paralyzed. What was he thinking? He just let the worst-case scenario come true. You disappeared and he might never see you again. He'll never tell you that you were probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Even if he hated not being able to touch you. Or maybe that's why he talked to you in a way he didn't talk to anyone else woman.

"Fuck!" he screamed and slammed his hand against the wall.

Why did this blonde, snorting cocaine whenever she had the chance, have to mess with his mind? Okay, he wasn't a good man, but he risked his life for her, not only because he needed her husband's testimony. He felt sorry for her, worried about her... But he was much more worried about you. It didn't matter that you were a ghost. Something bad could still happen to you.

"Fuck it!" he shouted and grabbed his car keys.

He had no idea where he was going, but it didn't matter. He was just going to drive around looking for you. He couldn't lose you. Not yet.

*

You took an empty seat on the plane, by the window and watched as you were moving away from the ground. You sighed heavily as you felt a familiar tingle. It wasn't your first time trying to leave this cursed city.

You closed your eyes and when you opened them you were back on a familiar street.

Javier's heart skipped when he finally found you. You were sitting on the curb, on the street where he first saw you. He parked the car and cautiously walked towards you. There was no one around, so he didn't have to worry about what others would think when they saw him talking to the void.

"Hey, I had a feeling I'd find you here. I don't know why, but I thought you might be here."

You pulled your legs closer to you, wrapping your arms around them. Javier stood right above you, but you didn't even look at him. "I'm sorry for what I said." Again, no response. He sighed and sat down next to you. "So what, now you can't see me? It's pretty funny." If only he could nudge you lightly with his elbow to make you laugh a little. "I have to admit, it's really annoying when someone pretends not to see or hear you."

Still not looking at him, you mumbled, "I've tried to get out of here before while you were gone. I got on a plane, but as soon as the machine takes off into the sky, suddenly I'm here. It's the same if I get in a truck when I cross city borders... I land here. Today I tried again and... I've been sitting here for two hours."

Javier looked at you and sighed, "Sorry, I didn't know."

You shrugged. "But it doesn't matter anyway. I've been thinking about it and... What if I traveled the world? Who would I tell about it?" You finally looked at him and saw the sadness in his eyes. "I don't have anyone, Javi. It's just me and this fucking city. If I could at least see other ghosts, but apparently there's something wrong with me. So I'm sorry for stalking you, but..." You swallowed and mumbled, "I only have you."

Javier nodded, and... God, if he could hug you. He would pull you close to him and hold you until all your sadness was gone. But the only way he could comfort you was with words, and that had never been his strong suit.

"Maybe I'm not a ghost specialist, but... I know people and I can tell you that you didn't deserve all of this. You didn't deserve the words I said. And..." You noticed, that he was nervous. "Sometimes I think I only have you." You raised your eyebrows. "Yes, I know how it sounds, but... I don't talk to anyone like I talk with you. No one sees what you see." You nodded. "Sometimes I'm afraid you'll leave and I won't get a chance to say goodbye one last time."

You opened your mouth to say something but realized you didn't know what to say. You couldn't promise him anything. No matter how much you wanted to, you were no longer in control of your existence.

Javier must have noticed your embarrassment because he quickly got up and started walking towards the car. "Come on," he said but did not get into the car. He opened the driver's side door, turned on the radio, and found a slow Spanish song.

You were really surprised by his behavior. "What are you doing?"

"I will dance with you."

You laughed and looked at him skeptically. "Have you forgotten that you can't touch me?"

"Just stay close to me. Come on."

You looked around. "Seriously, do you want to do it here?" He just shrugged his arms. "All right."

You stood as close to him as you could, and he raised his hands as if he were holding you by the waist. His fingers dug into your incorporeal body a little, but you didn't mind. You felt a slight flow of energy from his body and smiled.

"Alright, I'll tell you what to do." You nodded. "A step back."

You did as he instructed and he took a step forward. "Now step left, step right." He followed your movements as if in a mirror image. "A step forward. And again, a step back..."

You giggled and shook your head. "You must look like a lunatic now."

"I'm just dancing with your ghost."

You smiled and continued dancing.

A/N: Sorry, Javier lost his temper, again. And in case you haven't noticed, I don't like Cristina. I think she was stupid and selfish and... Didn't Javi really notice that she was on drugs? :P If someone doesn't know her, here she is: Cristina Jurado

Please don't pay too much attention to the timeline in season three, because I've messed it up quite a bit already.

Part III

Part V

Taglist: @aestheticangel612​ @kittenlittle24​  @creedslove​ @ranahx​ @hxpburn76

[lady-pug]

dream a little dream of me

Chapter IV of Dream a Little Dream of Me

Summary: As you settled in for the night, sleep overcame you almost as soon as your head hit your pillow.

“You called?” you heard a voice call out in the darkness.

Opening your eyes, you noticed with joyous gidiness that you were once again standing on the cobbled street, the moonlight shining softly on your skin. And Morpheus, the man you desperately wished to see, was standing only a few steps in front of you.

“I-” you almost found yourself at a loss for words “I did.”

Pairing: Morpheus | Dream of the Endless x Reader

Word count: 1,4k

Warnings: none

Notes: So… hi. I’m back. I’d like to start off by apologizing. I’m so so sorry for how long I’ve been absent, and especially for how long this story went without an actual ending to it (even though I’d promised to have it out quickly, just goes to show I shouldn’t make promises I might not be able to keep). A lot has happened in my personal and professional life in the past months that have kept me away from writing. I’ve had the first half of this chapter for almost as long as the third one has been out but so much was happening that I didn’t have the time or the motivation (sometimes I lacked both to be honest) to come back and finish it.

But I’ve finally done it. This story is finally complete. I’ve had the idea for this chapter mostly planned out in my head since chapter 1, and now I finally get to share it with you. I’d like to thank anyone who has taken the time to read this story and embark on this small journey with me, whether it be just one chapter (even just one paragraph) or the complete story. Thank you so so much for reading, and a special thank you for anyone who has left any sort of feedback, it means the world to me. And again I’m so very sorry for taking so long to write this, I sincerely hope you can forgive me. And I truly hope you enjoy this, dear reader!

Reader's gender not specified

Previous part | Masterlist | Read on AO3

Things had started to look a little bit brighter after that night. Slowly, very slowly, little by little, things in your life started getting better, getting sorted out. It wasn’t immediate, nor was it without effort, but it was something.

The first thing you did after writing ten whole pages on that fateful Word Document was to start looking for a job. Literally anything would do, just so long as it got the bills paid and added food to the table, just long enough for you to get back on your feet and find a more permanent career. You’d be the first to admit that some of the jobs you took during that time, some of the people you’d met, were simply awful, sometimes bordering on humiliating. But some you actually enjoyed, and some of the people you had met you’d keep in your heart for a long time.

You’d also tried getting in touch with the people you’d grown apart, even if they didn’t want anything to do with you, just as a way to get closure. Some answered and some didn’t. Some didn’t want to talk, others agreed to meet. Some simply told you how things you’d done had hurt them, and you told them of how they had hurt you in return. And some had even agreed to try and work things out, slowly regaining contact and, eventually, their trust.

And finally, after several long months, you managed to save up enough money to travel back to your home town for a couple of days in order to pay your relative’s grave a visit. It wasn’t perfect, nor was it ideal, but it was enough, if only for now. You felt a strange sense of calmness looking at the words engraved in their headstone. The sort of calmness you had only felt when in the Dreaming.

Speaking of, your night visits to the Dreaming and its inhabitants had been a comfortable constant in your life for the past few months, at least in the beginning anyway. At first, you kept coming back every night, cherishing your conversations with the café owner, who you had come to know was named Amanda, or the little quips Matthew threw your way whenever he saw you walking around town. Even Mervyn’s rudeness was something you had grown fond of. But the thing you looked forward to the most was seeing Dream. Sometimes he’d actually stop by and engage in casual conversation with you, other times he'd just send a small grin your way over his shoulder in passing as he strode around town. But every single time you saw him you felt a warm, fuzzy fluttering feeling in your chest.

But eventually, as things in the waking world started to get better, your visits to the Dreaming started to become progressively more scarce. You started having other dreams too, some good, some not so much, your visions of the small town, and consequently your interactions with Morpheus, dwindling by the day. While it saddened you to let this go, to let him go, you cherished it even more so.

Tonight, though, almost an entire year after your first real conversation with him by the riverside, you really wished to visit him, even if it was one last time. It had been weeks since you’d last visited and you were hoping with all your heart to be able to talk to him again. You had good news to share after all.

As you got ready for bed your thoughts kept wandering back to Dream. Why had he become so special to you? Why were you special, like Lucienne had told you, in the first place? Why did you keep going back to the Dreaming? Maybe you’d never know the answer to those questions, and you realized with a quiet start that you were fine not knowing. Those things happened, and you were honestly glad they did, there was no point in dwelling on the past now.

As you settled in for the night, sleep overcame you almost as soon as your head hit your pillow. 

“You called?” you heard a voice call out in the darkness.

Opening your eyes, you noticed with joyous gidiness that you were once again standing on the cobbled street, the moonlight shining softly on your skin. And Morpheus, the man you desperately wished to see, was standing only a few steps in front of you.

“I-” you almost found yourself at a loss for words “I did.”

He smiled softly, head slightly tilted as if to ask what was on your mind.

“It’s just-” you shook your head in order to gather your thoughts “Since… that night, I’ve been coming here less and less.”

“It’s because you don’t need this anymore.”

For a brief moment you panicked, doesn’t he want you to come see him anymore?

“What? No, I-” you stammered “I still- I still need this. I still need you!”

His grin turned soft and he averted his eyes before speaking again.

“You have gotten to a point in your life in which I am no longer needed. There is nothing holding you back anymore, you get to live your life however you see fit.”

A stinging sensation accompanied the tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to fall.

“But I still want to see you. I still want you.”

His smile widened, small lines creasing in the corners of his eyes as he took a step towards you, leaving almost no space between the two of you. 

“I once said you could see me again…”

“If I wished.” your own smile grew as realization dawned on you.

“Always.” he whispered as the back of his hand caressed your own, light like a feather.

As you stood there,breathing each other in, a moment turned into two, which then turned into a few minutes more, so much so that you almost forgot the reason for your visit.

“Why are you here?” Dream asked softly.

“Hm?”

“Why did you summon me?” he took a minuscule step back, only enough to be able to gaze into your eyes “You seemed like you had something important on your mind.”

“Oh!” you shouted, and had he been any mere mortal, Morpheus might have just flinched away from you. But he was no mere mortal and thus didn’t startle so easily, so he simply tilted his head to the side and waited for you to proceed “I finished my book.”

“That’s wonderful.” he smiled, genuinely happy for you.

“And a publisher has agreed to publish it!” you rocked on the balls of your feet, suddenly feeling bashful “I got the confirmation email today. I thought you might like to hear about it, since you were oh so interested in it before, you know.”

He chuckled softly, both of his hands resting on your shoulders to keep you in place.

“I am truly happy for you. And I feel honored you decided to come all this way to share it with me.” he removed one of his hands from your shoulder and raised it in the air “I believe this moment calls for a celebration, don’t you think?”

For the briefest of moments you panicked, believing he was sending you away once more.

“No, no, wait!” you tried to hold onto his hand but it was too late, he had already snapped his fingers.

Nothing happened. You were still there with him, not back in your bed in the morning. His smile turned smug, bordering on a smirk, as if he was already expecting your reaction.

And then you heard it. From seemingly out of nowhere came the soft whisper of a trumpet, followed by a powerful voice.

“Where is that coming from?” you looked around but could not find the source of the music.

Dream simply shrugged. That did not matter now, did it? Slowly, he raised a hand towards you, palm up and inviting. Placing your own hand on top of his, he pulled you closer, your chests practically touching, as his other arm enveloped your waist.

“This is what you call a celebration around these parts?” you teased, earning a chuckle from him.

“Only when both parts are into it.” he responded, slowly swaying you both to the rhythm of the song.

As you and Dream danced together, the soft glow of moonlight caressing your skins, you couldn’t help but sigh, a small smile playing on your lips.

“Thank you.” you whispered.

“Whatever for?” he hummed.

“For this. All of this.”

As you slipped further into his embrace, you felt peaceful. Your whole body tingled and for only a moment you wished you didn’t have to go back to the waking world.

“You’re welcome, darling.” he whispered back to you.

But you now knew you could always return here, to this very moment. All you had to do was wish for it, and Dream would bring you back here. Back to him.

[bloodgulchblog]

It occurs to me that I've actually had new people showing up in the uh, months. Since the last chapter. So.

ZITA, WHAT THE FUCK IS TOUCHSTONE?

Last December I was goofing around with friends on discord and ended up with the absurd idea of writing a oneshot where a supporting character from Halo 4 Spartan Ops has sex with Master Chief. Because this was so ridiculous and funny to me, both because Miller is a nobody character in Halo and Chief is one of the most impossible motherfuckers to write a sex oneshot about that feels remotely in-character, the project quickly grew in scope and got out of hand as I figured out it was fun to work on and it turned out to be a great place to do character study nonsense about Master Chief. (My favorite guy.)

Also, Roland keeps worming his way in there and writing about AIs is also really fun.

WHO IS MILLER/WAIT YOU MEAN MILLER ISN'T AN OC?

Miller is a Spartan-IV who tells you new waves of enemies are showing up for you to shoot in Spartan Ops. Also, he gets bullied alternately by Commander Palmer and Roland (the Infinity's AI, if you don't remember) a lot. Miller gets nervous easily and is trying so hard at all times. He is kind of endearing if you are endeared by characters that have powerful was-shoved-in-a-locker-in-high-school energy.

Also, once again, he is a whole entire fully-augmented, armored Spartan-IV and he mostly has a desk job calling out objectives and pulling in mission data for other Spartans. And that is hilarious to me.

CAN YOU PLEASE SUMMARIZE WHAT HAPPENS BECAUSE THE AO3 SUMMARY ISN'T ENOUGH FOR ME AND/OR I DON'T HAVE TIME BUT REALLY WANT TO KNOW

Understandable. Can do.

It's set between Halo 4 and Halo 5, during a point in time where the UNSC Infinity is in dry dock above Earth for a shit ton of maintenance it needed after Halo 4/Spartan Ops/Halo comics events. The story is actually like right before the start of Halo 5.

Chief's in a really bad place emotionally between 4 and 5, not just from the events of Halo 4 and the obvious death of Cortana but also because the world got weirder on him while he was dead (he's still not used to Spartan-IVs or the new status quo post-Covenant war) and because his ability to cope with stress and doing badly is finally hitting its limit. There's something wrong with him, his bosses know he's doing bad, and he can't seem to stop.

Spartan Command has decided that Blue Team needs to be assigned a consistent Spartan-IV mission handler for ops. This is standard procedure for all Spartan fireteams, but Blue Team was a special exception because they're Blue Team for a while. On its face, Blue Team being assigned a mission handler is just the Spartans standardizing Blue Team with how things work and it's not a slight. But the subtext that's obvious to everyone is something's wrong with Blue Team. (And that something is whatever is wrong with Master Chief.)

Miller's involved because Miller, as one of the Infinity's Spartan-IV mission handlers, is a candidate for the role. So, Miller is one of several people doing practice simulation ops with Blue Team to see how well they work together. During this, Miller develops a stupid little crush on Chief because Chief is just so damn impressive in an op and treats Miller with basic politeness and decency. It's the worst.

Meanwhile, Blue Team is planning to use the time over Earth as an opportunity to take some well-deserved time off. They're worried about Chief, and frustrated with him because he doesn't want to go on vacation with them. (Because, again, Chief is doing so so bad emotionally and it's a canon fact that he keeps refusing to take time off during this period.)

So. A situation develops where Miller kind of blurts out awkwardly hitting on Chief, and Chief thinks about it and decides to pursue. They're not dating, they're not boyfriends, this can't be a romance, but what if this is something he does to be nice to another person? Can he do that? Is it okay if he does that? Is this the final not-okay thing he does that will make his world crash apart and force him to fix himself the way he hasn't been able to make himself do this whole time?

Also, meanwhile, the B plot is Roland likes Miller a lot and doesn't communicate that well, keeps teasing him, and is surprised that he's not better friends with Miller. Roland is trying to befriend Miller better/more genuinely despite the absolute gold mine of teasing material (the whole Master Chief crush situation) he has been granted now.

I get to write a lot of fun things I enjoy writing: An anxious character struggling and trying not to embarrass himself, an AI living an AI existence and approaching the world in a weird AI way because he's not human, and Whatever The Fuck Is Wrong, Psychologically, With Master Chief (it's a lot it's so many things he's going through so much so badly.)

In short: Master Chief has a dumb little fling with an anxious Spartan nerd. It won't last, and it will be so weird and awkward, but it's about two people trying to be kind to one another in a way that matters for a short time while they can.

WOW THAT SOUNDS GREAT, WHERE IS IT?

Over here!

[turquoisephoenix]

Character Bios for Gallowmere's Merry Band of Doomed-By-The-Narrative Losers

This was going to be under this picture right here, but this got kinda long. Just want to reiterate that these are all just headcanons.

-------

Sir Daniel Wigginbottom Fortesque IV

Daniel is many things. He's the eldest son but youngest child of Lord Cedric Fortesque. He comes from a long line of knights and noblemen dating back centuries. His lineage can be traced back to 10 different European countries. And he just so happened to lose the genetic lottery in so many different ways with his awkward, gangly proportions, gargantuan height, and various "brain deficiencies" (aka ADHD and autism centuries before their discovery) that led several people in the courts to call him fae-touched or a changeling behind his back. The bad teeth is a Fortesque trait though, so at least Cedric knows that he's his son.

In a time of peace, Daniel didn't really have any pressure to make something of himself by his family and has spent most of his life jumping from job to job - from stablehand to scribe to pigeonry - in a vague attempt to appear useful. Despite having a very high education and being able to read and write, people tend to write him off as a simpleton because he has zero skill in reading social cues, especially in the courts. Many a banquet have been ruined because Daniel panicked.

He means well, but I'd be lying if I said he couldn't be bratty at times. Easy to please, but also easy to irritate. Can easily fall in love and be a loyal partner, can also easily hold a grudge and has several enemies in the court. Has a passion for storytelling and accidentally buys into his own hype because he knows enough about stories to pick up on Themes and CLEARLY he's meant for something...

Canny Tim

Once part of a relatively minor noble house that resided in the castle town of Gallowmere, Tim ran away from home to go live in a relatively non-enchanted part of the forest to work as a King's forester, rejecting both his house and his name. He has a passion for archery, and he will admit that he's partially motivated by spite after his father told him that arrows were not a pastime fitting for a lady.

To most of Gallowmere, Canny Tim seemingly popped into existence during the 49th Gallowmere Games and got top prize in all the archery categories. Sir Daniel has known him for a lot longer since they had some of the same tutors and has said that actually, Canny Tim is just so good at his job as a elite archer that he blended into the crowds and has no public records listed under a different name please don't ask me anymore questions bye.

Once went on a merry quest one summer to hunt down rare mushrooms in the Enchanted Forest for a pumpkin witch's brew to "redistribute fat in the chest area", so don't worry about him going to the Hall of Heroes in a binder, goodness no.

Wartilda, Daughter of Wartilda of the Pumpkin Gorge

As the daughter of the previous Pumpkin Witch of Pumpkin Gorge, Wartilda pretty much knew what she was going to do from the moment she was able to grow a fine gourd in the corner of her room at the tender age of two and she's quite fine with that. Pumpkins are a very agreeable population and most people tend to get on her nerves.

The witches of Pumpkin Gorge tend to marry shepherds or pig farmers, so no one knows how Wartilda managed to lure in the only son of a noble Gallowmere family such as Cedric Fortesque's son, who had to be saved after he and his horse got lost in the woods, nearly got eaten by a giant spider after bullied by a pack of fairies, and had to consume an entire pumpkin pie to calm himself down. A connection was made that day as this gangly idiot realized that he could be Himself around her away from the judging eyes of the courts AND eat steaming pumpkin pie at the same time. She thinks he's cute.

Like Dan, Wartilda has known Canny Tim for longer than the records have shown a Canny Tim living in Gallowmere. She's the one that brews his potions of masculinity, even if it means that she has to put up with Canny Tim's lame gourd-themed dick and balls jokes in the process.

Wartilda has an older sister, who has very low opinions of Dan, didn't like the fact that the two of them were seriously talking about marriage, and often says things like "he's uglier than a horse's butt" and "that loser's gonna die in the Battle of Gallowmere". They were meant in jest but that second one caused Wartilda to have a screaming match with her at Dan's funeral and it's said their relationship never fully recovered...

[memeticsdivision]

1, 7, 13, 24, and 49 for Fenris, and 35 for Cernunnos?

[1] What first impression do they typically make? Are they likeable from the get go, or take time to grow on people?

oh boy this will be a long one (ive answered some of these before in my friends server and it was several paragraphs)

people usually meet him at work, and the first impression is he’s polite, if a little unapproachable. hes outwardly nice and does his best to be respectful but clearly extremely socially awkward and is actively charting the course of every conversation as it happens in order to say the right thing. so by the end of the interaction people usually come out with an impression of just “nice, but a little weird” which is Correct.

off work hes much more standoffish and people would probably see him as a bit rude. he dedicates most of his “making an active effort to function like a normal person in society” energy to his job so if you try to talk to him when hes off hes incredibly avoidant and kinda stonewalls people, and once all of the signals of “i dont really want to talk rn” have been either ignored or pushed back, he doesn’t know how to directly say that he wants to be alone so he just leaves. i wouldn’t say he’s intentionally rude and wants to hurt peoples feelings, he’s either just too tired to make an effort not to come across like that or doesn’t know how to say things in a nicer way. he’s generally more polite with people hes familiar with but this is the default most of the time.

it takes a lot of effort to get to know him, since he’s so closed off and unwilling to be fully honest with people literally ever. he’s also very fucking weird and says a lot of things no well adjusted person would ever say but thats because he is just. very inexperienced with social interaction after spending basically the first 18 years of his life isolated from people (because the second he got away from the forced isolation his parents imposed on him . the covid 19 pandemic happened which is fully canon in this world). he basically has no idea how to be a Normal Person and is essentially very poorly roleplaying that idea. he spent a lot of those years disassociating so he isnt even quite connected to the world at large mentally (and literally). he’s kinda rough around the edges because of a combination of his social anxiety and his hesitation to ever connect with people, he has no friends and thats kind of self-imposed because people Have Tried, you just need to be staunchly determined to get close to him otherwise its Very hard to let him grow on you . he kind of sucks you see (also he is very autistic but is undiagnosed)

[7] Are they a good liar, and what would they probably lie about?

he’s a good liar so long as you know nothing about him, which he’s very good at making sure you don’t. he sometimes makes up completely different stories to explain his past (though he is honest that his parents are dead). if you know a lot about him though, like his therapist, its much easier to see right through him. he’s been lying to her for years about how he’s actually totally been improving because of her advice, that hes taking the meds hes been given and they’re working great for him, that he’s been getting great sleep and isn’t having nightmares anymore, but she knows he doesn’t really listen to her most of the time and doesn’t trust her. he also obviously lies about his powers but most importantly, he lies to himself about his past and the things he’s actually been through, and its very easy to convince himself of those lies [13] What kind of sense of humor do they have, if any?

fenris has a VERY dry sense of humor LOL . mainly because he doesn’t get 70% of humor, it doesn’t rlly land with him and he especially gets annoyed with ones that are just very untrue or exaggerate for the punchline and has a habit of going “erm actually 🤓☝️” but in a pissed off way. he’s kind of like the straight man in comedy situations and mostly laughs along to be polite, its hard to make him genuinely laugh

[24] How hard it is for them to not allow their emotions to cloud their judgement?

it really depends on what the situation is. if its something completely unrelated to him/things he’s personally been through, its very easy for him to emotionally detach himself from things. he finds it difficult to relate when he hasn’t personally experienced something, so his judgement wouldnt be clouded, but it also means it may not be considerate of others. it also depends on how mentally unstable he’s feeling, if its personal but he’s been doing very good in the repressing all your issues department, he can usually keep up a pokerface and stay calm, if not avoiding the core issue. if he hasn’t, though, then he’s very prone to letting feelings like anger and spite take the wheel and he rapidly becomes very outwardly and inwardly destructive, plus he’s stubborn as hell and the second he loses his cool he’s prone to chasing himself off a cliff with the decisions he makes, since “no” in his mind is someone trying to undermine his agency and control him

[49] Do they possess any unexpected skill or knowledge that surprises others, and otherwise, what is something anyone would assume they know or can do, but in fact they don’t?

he knows way too much about the anatomy of the human body for someone with zero interest in pursuing medicine. he couldn’t diagnose you with an illness or disorder, but he could tell you all the ways you can die from the simplest of things to small but messed up things your body does that could either make someone mildly uncomfortable or freak out. he in general knows a lot of morbid facts, since one of his hobbies is just . fact checking posts of people listing those things when he gets bored . which is something most probably dont expect out of him but is definitely something that could be considered a red flag or the first indication of Oh this guys fucking weird . i think by looking at him most people probably would assume he’s into art or something but he isn’t, but he definitely knows at least a little about art history since thats another subject he really likes

as for cernunnos; [35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

cernunnos HATES their face. they don’t mind the rest of their appearance (hence why they don’t cut their hair or change their clothes), its specifically their face they hate, since it’s what irrefutably identified them as essentially fenris’ “clone” (aka copy), something they desperately dont want to be and dont want to be seen as. so when they decided to go on their suicide-murder quest against fenris, the first thing they did was take care of that, hence why their face is all disfigured and burned - they intentionally did so in order to ruin it until it couldnt be recognized as being fenris’. it was a their way of violently declaring that they arent his copy like they were created by him to be.

as a fun fact to further emphasis how determined they were to separate them from him: cernunnos, by consequence of the way they were made (unable to die), can heal from any potentially deadly injury. their body will repair itself whenever it gets hurt. this means it took them several tries to get their face to the point it is now, since every time they burned it, itd just heal right back to normal. so they essentially did it over and over until it finally stuck (which was when they ripped out their left eye out of frustration)

[the-bearer-of-bad-ideas]

do u have any ocs 👉👈 a moot of mine asked and now i wanna know if u have one!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR ASKING I HAVE SEVERAL

okok so the main ones areeeee probably broanch (and all the other characters in sywpq by extension) and donovan but ive got some others

donovan doesn't have much lore but shes pretty much just 15 year old art kid who likes bunnies and drawing anime gore she makes those stickman fight animations in her free time and probably is somewhat scene now that i think about it??? that girl is blasting millionaires in the back of the classroom loud enough for everyone to hear lmao

i had a dream where i was having a panic attack in class and she calmed me down and gave me her hat and was very niceys so i made her real because she was nice lol

donovan is also not her real name but she thinks her real name is stupid so she doesnt go by it and she took the name off a book or something

^^ she

and then i put the sywpq stuff under the cut cus its long lol

ok so SYWPQ

first off I CANT FIND MY GOOD DRAWINGS OF THEM :((((( BUT HERES THEIR GENERAL DESIGNS

fair warning i wrote most of the lore when i was like 11 so its a bit stupid but eh

broanch is this girl from an alien race (called steyaes) that split off of humans a really long time ago and has kind of just been hopping planets ever since

the patch of galaxy they ended up in was very barren of resources so this species kinda spent a lot of time just floating around in the void in a sorta hibernation like state or hopping between asteroids and small planets, whatever they could find, and using the limited resources before jumping off to look for another

theres also a thing that like. evolved?? or something??? in thats essentially jsut magic they have magic powers. imagine like a video game stamina bar that empties as the character uses it to manifest objects and attacks and yeah thats pretty much it (it takes a lot of energy to use so it's not used often for anything more major than like. controlling small objects, manifesting clouds {saoirse does that a lot}, electrical shocks, etc, but it can be used for larger things like combat)

(broanch's power stuff is more suited to combat while saoirse's and juneau's are more for controlling water and air)

she had a shitty childhood, parental neglect n all that, and spent a lot of time playing by herself and with this pair of sisters she befriended (saoirse and juneau), and pretending that she was in charge of various different things and this eventually manifested into her really wanting to host some type of tv show

when she was around 16 she ran off cus. shitty home life. and since steyaes are one of the relatively stronger human-adjacent species she ended up taking up various jobs bounty hunting or going off looking for rabid animals that were causing issues so she can kill them or whatever

she kinda just went around doing whatever for a couple years until eventually

one day she and saoirse were on this random planet they found that didnt really have much going for it but they were just kinda talking doing whatever, when humans found it

at this point in the universe humans do know theres other civilizations out there and have talked to them but they all kinda tend to keep to themselves so the humans on the ship are a lil surprised to find someone here

since this planet is otherwise entirely empty theyre like "ok cool this is ours" but broanch basically just goes "nuh uh i was here first" and starts fighting with nasa cus this planet is HERS actually ueah totally uh huh

....and then i dont exactly remember what happens at this part cus again i made most of this when i was 11. but. basically they dont really resolve the fight but because its happening there's loads of tv coverage and broanch is immediately like "WOW IM ON TV :DDDD" and decides that now is when she should finally bring her tv show host dreams to fruition

since she's only known for being on this planet she decides to use it as the prize for her new gameshow and then also decides (purely to piss off nasa) that the show is going to be run as a club at a random highschool cus why not lmao

the show is called "So Ya Want Planet Q?" and the contestants are all 16-18 year old students at a highschool in bumfuck nowhere america

she did not tell them going into this that is was a gameshow and advertised the club as an "afterschool hangout thing"

episodes are recorded live through saoirse running around with a camera and the show functions similar to something like total drama or bfdi (i made this entire thing in the trenches of my bfb hyperfixation lmfao) except instead of elimination by vote theres a point system, and the games change pretty much every episode, ranging from fairly normal stuff like trivia to a literal bomb defusing thing at one point

broanch is the main host and does all the talking and saoirse is the cohost and helps set up challenges and man cameras, and acts as the voice of reason to broanch's stupidity

saoirse's spent more time on earth and knows more about social norms and culture and shit so she's also the "resident human expert" because broanch has no fucking idea what shes doing

saoirse and juneau im still working on fleshing out but theyre pretty much just. normal. idk

saoirse's the cohost obviously and while juneau does help with the show occasionally she generally thinks its a bad idea so doesn't very often

i have a few other misc characters but those are the two i draw the most :D ive got another thingie called like plantii or somethign but again that was mostly made when i was 11 and also all the lore is on my laptop profile that im still locked out of :(( ill find it eventually though

[emoboy07]

sorry to vent on main, but i dont wanna do it on discord bc i use that venting channel too much and i dont have any friends to vent to in dms so its going here. it got pretty long so i put it under the cut

so i had to quit my job recently bc of my sleep disorder (among a few other reasons but thats the main problem rn) and i do online school so the only time i ever really leave the house is for doctors appointments. i dont even really have any irl friends at this point bc the only one i had hasnt messaged me in like a month other than to respond to a tiktok i sent and i dont even know how to start a conversation if i tried to message them. we used to be so close several people literally thought we were dating. theyve been my only irl friend for like a year atp. i also havent really been on discord that much (outside of venting and occasionally going into chat to say hi) so i havent talked to my online friends a lot lately either. what im trying to say is i basically have no friends atm and no social interaction outside of family and the very few interactions ive had on tumblr. which for family is also less than usual bc of my fucked up sleep schedule, and im not out to them yet so they always misgender and deadname me. i literally just want a friend, preferably irl bc im not good at talking over text and i prefer actually hanging out with people over just talking over text. but i dont go anywhere and none of the people my age in my town would even be friends with me, as proven by the several years of public school that i went with at the most four friends, one of which i recently found out didnt even like me in the first place, she was just there for the other two people in that friend group. not to mention my literally non-existent love life, i havent dated anyone in my almost 18 years of life, it would be nice to have a bf. or honestly anyone atp im not even gonna be picky about it. but again, no one in my town has liked me enough to be my friend so looks like thats not happening anytime soon. and i probably wont be able to move out anytime soon bc of my health issues. i dont have a job rn and wont be able to at least until my sleep disorder is figured out bc i cant wake up to an alarm so i cant guarantee ill be awake to go to work at any given moment. i cant make appointments on my own unless i can do it online, i genuinely cannot do phone calls. and i cant drive bc of my sleep disorder, anxiety, and slow processing speed. i dont think ill ever be able to tbh. and there is very little public transport in or around my town so being able to drive is kind of a necessary thing if i were to live on my own. also i have at least one surgery coming up, probably more but idk if theyre going to want to do my other knee or not depending on whether they find anything wrong in this one and idk when ill be getting top surgery so i need someone who can take care of me for those. and i cant drive so if i wanted to do anything/had anything going on, it has to be scheduled at certain times so i can get a ride from either my mom or my brother. i dont even think my town has uber or anything, and even if it did i cant really afford that rn. and i live in a small town with absolutely nothing so if i want to do anything other than get overpriced groceries or go to a dollar store its at least a half hour drive

[cloudyscreams]

aikatsu stars 2nd season rant

ok im couple of episodes in now and its a good thing im working while watching because i would rage quit otherwise

have to preface this with wow this is even gayer now with elza being so open with actions and words...

there is a fatal flaw to that though, i cant claim it 100% since im obviously not very deep in the story but she seem manipulative as fuck to me and i would take it if it wasnt so...yucky i guess

like despite me hating edgworth at first manipulation was the fun part with his character and dont even get me started on nahyuta because im playing aa6 rn, i love the guy

elza is just...weird. she is the out of touch rich kid who made fun of you in school. she is regina george of aikatsu (how fitting for her to be in a trio too lmao) ive seen a comment saying its because of her mothers approval but i feel like there were so many ways to set up and develop her character even up to this point that doesnt do....whatever this is. im not the greatest writer (barely one at all) but i personally would make these changes:

dont make hime and some other older and/or experienced characters acknowledge elza to the extent they do. with aikatsu so heavily revolving around feelings and intent i cannot fanthom how anyone would say that perfect but soulless perfomance (and focusing on perfection in the first place) is truly perfect. elza cant be the worlds "greatest idol" because she doesnt really break through, she just maintains the status quo (as a rich person i guess it is in line with her character) to perfection. her brand does look amazing and i think admitting that and her perfomance skills is good and neccesary; but i think its weird for hime to refuse her yet somehow not see that she lacks the fundamentals aikatsu likes to preach about (friends/rivals, individuality, emotions and all that which dont get me wrong i love)

following point 1, i would love to see elza perform more and actually break overtime (maybe it will happen and i will be glad if so). similar to yume's power the perfectionism WILL destroy you and eat you inside (if we are talking about some realism here but even in terms of simple childrens lesson), it would make so much sense for her to one day collapse and have to build up all the fundamentals from the ground up (which is not even that hard to do, she is obviously surrounded by people who genuinely like her and she *is* passionate, just in the wrong direction)

no way people actually like her. skills aside, she is nasty to people she perseves as worse than her...personality is a staple thing for an idol, she doesnt even hide being a mean girl??? if even two cases of her being rude got known i feel like she would lose a lot of fans (happened irl at least in k pop several times!!). maybe its too realistic of an approach for aikatsu but it would make sense for her to be two faced, at least

thew thing i hate the most about aikatsu - they dont commit to the antagonists being antagonists at all. the stakes in dreaka arc were so high (according to the show itself!! they literally set it up as a job competition situation) and then it was just a big nothing because wow dreaca idols are actually good and we all get jobs. i get that being a bigger person for mc is the route they take (and with ichigo it genuinely made sense, she is just like that with everything) but no one being even a little hesitant about their supposed rivals?? not even mentioning how mary sue most of dreaca episodes were (again, especially seira) where they got the jobs just because they were the new characters. the conflict was set up and then not developed at all!!!!! either make them so evil im allowed to hate them and not cheer for them or dont make them so mean spirited in the first place, esp now with eliza. i hate that they make it seem so serious but then you are supposed to be like wow i love these new girls. LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER

ambiguous and morally grey characters are great dont get me wrong, but what aikatsu does is just inconsistent with what they themselves set up the show to be. i loved the first season of stars because the rivalry and conflict was there with yume and laura but it wasnt showed as laura just being a rival and nothing else. even if they werent friends with yume (or more from what i see lmao) i would take it because her growth arc is amazing. there were no antagonists but the stakes were still high and it was interesting to watch. i think the most beautiful aikatsu arcs come from similar place: admiration, chasing someone out of reach, battling yourself and *friendly* rivalry. i love akari's story even though its a weaker season compared to the first one because it was mirroring ichigo's arc so much

all of that yapping basically to say that antagonists in aikatsu are always inbinsible somehow: no matter how good the mcs get, no matter how many "thinking" mistakes that were already overcome by mcs they make they never fail and it pisses me off because its just not following the universe?? world logic?? rules. i get that power of love cant make you sing better irl but fuck its such a central theme in aikatsu that i refuse to believe they suddenly decided not to apply it to elza for any reason other than "she is better because we said so"

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Idk if anyones done this yet, but how would the papas II, III,&IV help out their s/o that is incredibly stressed from college and work? With college it’s because their up all night working on homework or studying for exams;cramming too probably and then work doesn’t always help because when they aren’t doing school, they’re working so there’s only a few free days.

(There was one time I was up until 3 or 4AM working on some stuff cause I was working a night shift and got home late. I think I about cried and went “F it, I’m going to bed” cause I was exhausted)

Oh man, study cramming is rough! The Papas DEFINITELY know the feeling!

The Papa's Helping Their S/O With Balancing Work and College

Prefacing this with a fun fact about all of our Satanic Popes. In order to be Papa you are trained in many ways, one of which being higher education! All the Papas have a PhD's (mostly in Theology)! So they all know what it's like to be constantly studying on top of their duties!

Papa Nihil: The overwhelming work load of Papacy is exactly one of the reasons he ran off to do the Ghost Project in 96'! He knows what you are going through and wants to comfort you through it. It might not be helpful, but this is one of those times he encourages you to quit your job so he can take care of you while you finish school. If you aren't willing to give up your job, Nihil will still support you. But he WILL nag you that something has to give before you get too burnt out! Encourages you to try to find a way to cut back either commitment to some degree. His reasoning that is if you can make them both less soul sucking you'll have more energy and your performance will increase for both! He tends to forget that's not always possible... even for someone like himself. But if that doesn't work he's the first one there with a pizza and a shoulder to cry on! Nihil might spirit you away for breaks as you need them.

Papa I: Luckily for you, you are hooked up with the man who is an academic hard working machine! Papa's spare time is dedicated to his sheer love for his position AND his hobby as a scholar. He was the seminary student who went over board for all of his papers, and has written several dozens of books. Knowledge is his hobby and Papacy is his passion. Burn out can happen for Papa too, but he knows how to prevent it. For you, he definitely steps in to help you manage your time and energy. Papa knows that the average person can only study so much in a day and retain it. That, and he knows how important work is for you. So Papa helps sit down and make a schedule with you. He gives you all the effective study methods that has helped all the students he's mentored. You end up getting one of those big calendars where every week you stick your work schedule on it, your assignments due, and breaks. He then gives you a second planner where you figure out what classes to focus on per day based on assignment need. Soon you are still busy but MUCH more organized to the point where you can BREATHE again.

Papa II: Many would accuse him of being heartless and just expect him to tell you to suck it up. He's known for being unsympathetic to his staff or occasional proteges who complain. But the truth is, he would never expect you to run yourself ragged. For his staff, he doesn't expect completely restless nights. Papa just believes that if you are going to work for something, you better do it right and actually put in effort. But Papa knows you also need the chance to relax and unwind... he's a party animal after all! In your case, he will only interfere if it gets to the point where you aren't properly rested and overly stressed. Night shifts and finals are one thing, but you sobbing from sheer stress is another. Papa is the one to take you by the shoulders and tell you that you are over doing it. You need to rest where you can. He will help you where you need him. Papa's knee jerk reaction is to find you a better job or just let you quit. Like Nihil, he'd be happy to take care of you while you just focused on school. But with class, he'd help you manage the stress. By offering to find you tutors or an advisor that can guide you to a more balanced class schedule. Papa is also not above intimidating any professor or manager that gives you shit for being late or needing a day off to recuperate.

Papa III: Papa hates that he can relate to you so well over this. Funnily enough, there are tons of people who think he just floated through life and was handed Papacy on a silver platter. But Papa worked his ass off to get where he is! He did well in seminary and in his degree programs! And that's on TOP of the difficulties he faced during! He only got to reap the benefits once he became Papa and had more freedom to party. Now, that's too say he's not above cutting class or skipping a day of work when the occasion calls. Everyone needs a mental day off. So when you're at the point where you just cry in his arms because you're tired from working late AND staying up to catch up with classes... he takes action. Papa will call your managers and professors and somehow get you an entire day or two off. No questions asked. He insists that your mental well being is way more important than any test or shift. You can't be successful if you can barely keep your eyes open or your thoughts straight! Papa will promise to help you study AFTER your days off. For now, he makes sure you have the proper rest your mind needs.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Actually, he is the worst person you can ask because he's a workaholic! He used to be worse in his Cardinal days, as he would take on everyone's work loads just to make sure everything was done correctly. On top of that he, like Papa I, is a tireless scholar. It's not until Papacy that he actually slowed down and basked in much more free time. For you, he tries to get you to slow down as much as you can. When he has free time between work, he'll study with you. Copia knows the more effective methods and will work with you to implement them. Copia also LOVES to help with your class work so you can take a break. He'll make you take naps or eat while he proof reads your papers and checks your citations. He will make flash cards for you and quiz you. And on days you go to work he makes the effort of packing you lunches or having your uniform ready to go. Anything to make your day less stressful! Most importantly, he'll stop to give you a kiss and tell you how proud he is of you. That, or let you know that you need to rest. Copia knows that encouragement and helping you through burn out is the most effective thing he can do!

[cryptidcanid19]

okay so i had something. pretty awful happen today.

tw for thoughts of self harm and whatnot

my current job is making my mental health decline tremendously. every time i say that "xyz doesn't work for me for my own health" i get given exactly the opposite of what i asked for. early morning hours, several days of work in a row, being stuck in the deli despite it actually making me vomit at points, etc. i have actual proof why these things cant work for me. my coworkers and my boss have seen it firsthand as well.

i've expressed my concern to many people. my therapist, my psychiatrist, my parents, and so on. my parents will only let me quit after the 15th. everyone else agrees since it "isnt that long"

but, in reality, every day that passes by the more i feel like wanting to kill myself. the more i feel like hurting myself in a way that'll make people actually take me seriously. ive SAID ive been feeling suicidal again over this bullshit. my dad doesnt bat an eye and my mom thinks im over exaggerating.

today i had a hellish shift. i had a severe mental breakdown and genuinely contemplated taking out one of the kitchen knives and cutting myself. i didnt, but i did go directly to my boss and asked to go home for my own safety. and guess what she told me?

no.

i got told no. i was told to stay and suck it up. and i did stay, plastered a fake smile on my face and pretended i was fine so she would lay off and stop telling me she didnt want to babysit me. im sick and tired of being a burden. im sick and tired of people not taking me seriously.

is hurting myself really what it takes for people to listen?? would me bleeding out on the floor make people actually figure out i'm not okay?

i want to quit. i don't want to go back tomorrow or ever again. but i also risk being the biggest disappointment in the family if i do. i don't know what to do. im stuck and im scared and i cant get a hold of my therapist since its sunday. im not asking for advice or pity or any of that. i just genuinely. dont know. i dont.

i just want to move out for college already. i want to be happy for once. i havent had thoughts this horrible in years. not since i was 10. it sucks and its scary.