#im fucking sick of spending weekends at their parents house (bc they r in a similar situation like me) and driving back and forth all the
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#original entry#cw vent#i am just...so frustrated all the time#not like constantly or 24/7 but every week or every other week(end) i just get refrustrated over the same thing#im in my head abt it rn bc my 1yr anniversary with my partner is coming up but our future just looks so...far away. unclear.#weve talked for a while abt moving in together. nothing happened. i put my foot down like 'lets actually work towards this' and we looked#at places and tried to schedule tours tho unfortunately were never able to bc most placed never got back to us (one place was straight up#and said they werent able to do tours rn which yanno fine)#this was really stressing me out but ultimately out of my control#after that they said they wanted to wait until they got a better job which is fine but its been several months and im not sure when they#even last applied anywhere#on one hand i know that its stressful job hunting and so i want to be patient#but on the other hand sometimes i feel like all i do is wait around for them and im fucking tired of waiting#ive lived at home since march 2020 and am now in a place financially where i could move out but i feel like im being held back#i do want to have a life w my partner but they dont always act like they want to despite saying they do#im fucking sick of spending weekends at their parents house (bc they r in a similar situation like me) and driving back and forth all the#time. i hate leaving bc i feel like i shouldnt have to leave bc we should just be living together#but then sometimes im not sure i do wanna live together#im so conflicted and stressed and i hate that i have to be frustrated over this so often bc i shouldnt have to fucking tell them over and#over i should just be listened to and acknowledged#i want the fucking truth i want their actions to reflect their words i want to actually feel like we can be adults and live together and#work towards a future but they cant even pick out fucking cereal to eat in the morning
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another unsolicited relationship advice post:
okay. i know that thereâs probably thousands of relationship advice posts on here. but anyway. to my younger followers, if i have any:
if anyone that youâve just met declares that youâre âgirlfriend materialâ or âboyfriend materialâ and that you must simply meet their parents NOW! or some other ridiculously short interval (like a week say), instead of, idek, like a month or two into your relationship, know that that is a possible red flag for trying to push the relationship too fast.
i say this as again, bc on some buzzfeed fb post about supposed ânice guysâ i commented about my high school stalker/creeper from 2012/2013. who, when i first met him in 2012 at public school, he insisted that after two days of knowing him that i simply âhave to meet my (his) mum and my sisters right now! bc youâre girlfriend material and i LOVE you!â
like woah! dude! iâve known you for a grand total of two fucking days! i absolutely donât have to meet your family RIGHT NOW (although if iâd ever been stupid enough to actually date my stalker back then, i wouldâve had to meet his mum or one of his 4 sisters/all of them at once; at some point anywayâŠ. bc they wouldâve had to drive us to dates etc bc neither of us had our Ps (provisional drivers licence here in aus) yet at the time)). because iâm pretty sure the normal window is about 1-2 months? maybe 3-4 months? why the fuck are you so obsessed with the term âgirlfriend materialâ??? what the actual FUCK does that EVEN mean?? get away from me. bc this isnât love. itâs something else, that i canât put my finger on.
compare this to clear braces boy from catholic school, who literally took almost 3 years to ask me out; and to even ask for my number. when heâd finally asked for my number right before one set of the winter holidays at the end of term 2/before the start of term 3 in 2010, i was so oblivious as to why he wanted my numberâŠ. when heâd never wanted it/asked for it before.
so when he called me, while i was still on the bus home from school, i was panicking like âOH FUCK THATS WHY HE WANTED MY NUMBER!!! HE WANTS TO ASK ME OUT!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SLOW AND FUCKING DUMB???!!!â he never pressured me to meet his parents (although at 14/15 it was very obvious that that was a standard practice since we couldnât drive ourselves anywhere lmao). we were basically on equal footing, except for my slowness with cottoning onto him asking me out and why he asked for my number lol.
CBB had never pressured and harassed me about my virginity. he had NEVER harassed me with porn, most especially while at school, unlike mr creeper who LOVED pulling out his porn filled phone and school laptop to show me his overly violent, degrading and aggressive porn. CBBâs flirting method was showing me norwegian black metal bands (or normal metal bands like parkway drive) and making me watch repeats of family guy on his ipod at lunch bc he loved family guy. he never brought up the term âgirlfriend materialâ ever. he treated me like an actual person. and not his own personal fuck doll, that had holes that were conveniently for sticking his useless and clueless ass teenage dick in, again unlike creeper who was hellbent on wanting to act out his favourite violent etc porn on me to let him âtake your virginity in a wonderful weekend of sex down the coast and you have to do all things that I LIKE BC THATâS THAT AND I SAID SO!!!â đ€źđ€ź. although if i had progressed further than those few weeks with cbb, and my constant *karen from mean girls voice* *fake cough, fake cough* iâm sick *regina george voice* boo, you whore!â act every time i didnât turn up on date that heâd asked me onâŠ. maybe he couldâve treated me like that. but iâll never know lol.
so cbb was unlike mr stalker; who was obsessed with my supposed âgirlfriend materialâ status. mr stalker was obsessed with the fact that i had the ability and audacity to basically tell him ânoâ, by coyly letting him down with âmy dad says i canât date bc it distracts me from school and getting good marks đđâ (which probably wasnât true, looking back lmao)âŠ.. where he then whined PUBLICLY on facebook about it, with a status like âtoday sucksâ⊠and then naming and shaming me in the comments when someone asked in the post comments what was wrong like: â*insert my name here* said no! sheâs being a bitch!â. that at the time, made me roll my eyes and still does today when i think about it. because bro. i had literally only known you for two fucking days at that point. of course iâm going to say no. what the hell??? two days is nowhere near enough time to know a person well enough (although the conversation we had together on misguided trip to his house one day while we were wagging (skipping class/playing hooky for americans) aboriginal studies told me MORE THAN ENOUGH about his piece of shitness tbh) to âdateâ them imo.
because to me, the title âgirlfriend materialâ doesnât mean any fucking thing. but when it comes from a creep like mr stalker; it means âyouâll be my girlfriend forever and have my kids bc youâre such a nice girl and youâll fix me bc thatâs what nice girls like you do; bc youâre SO LOYAL AND NICE!â which i also saw as a MASSIVE RED FLAG back then, because we were literally 16yo kids (he literally told me this when we were on his bed in his bedroom in the aforementioned misguided trip to his house). and i also saw it as a red flag bcâŠ. just because iâm âloyalâ and âniceâ doesnât mean that iâll spend LITERAL Y E A R S trying to âfix youâ while you fuck around and never bother to change your behaviour all bc you think itâs âgirlyâ to do just that. it definitely DOES NOT MEAN that iâll have KIDS with you, what the actual fuck. like iâm a hopeless romantic, to an extent, mr creeper. but not to the extent where iâll give myself up to someone like you, all because iâm ânice and caringâ and itâs apparently what ânice girls do!!!â or whatever else fucked up guilt trip views youâve got on why girls/women supposedly have to waste their time with and on you.
and also, on another front. CBB never FOLLOWED me home (considering he lived in a suburb 20mins away from mine lmao and we both lived at least 15mins away from the catholic school we attended) despite me telling him REPEATEDLY to âfuck off and walk home your wayââŠ.. whereas unfortunately, mr creeper lived just over the other side of my suburb.
so one day mr creeper decided to stalk me home (despite me saying the above âfuck off and walk home your wayâ comment constantly to him in the 10min walk home). and then when we got to my street and in front of my house he decided to joke that âoh now i know where your house and bedroom are, iâll come to hide under your bed naked one day!!!! and when you get home (bc iâll obvs do it when youâre out doing something), youâll just have to FUCK ME because youâll be so surprised that im there and ready to fuck you!â as if iâd be so overcome with supposed lust & love for him, after knowing that heâd broken into my room against my will and messed with my shitâŠ.. all for some cutesy love prankâŠ. like in, idk, love actually (???) or himym (specifically the ânaked man!â episode from season 4) or some other shitty romcom. bc no. youâre overstepping SO MANY fucking boundaries that iâd literally call the police on your stupid fucking stalker ass. what the actual fuck.
finally, cbb never forced me to try to kiss him, unlike mr stalkerâŠ. who whenever he got the chance, heâd grab my head and force me to kiss himâŠ. and then gave me back the utterly disgusting & controlling GALL to tell me that i was âkissing wrongâ and whinge/bitch that i âwasnât into itâ. and then heâd force me to kiss him again with a âim so sorry does this fix it đ„°đ„ș???â like NO???!!! forcefully kissing me DOES NOT FUCKING FIX ANYTHING YOU STUPID CUNT! please just get the FUCK away from me. like if you force me into anything, of course iâm not going to enthusiastically enjoy it??? and moreover, donât you think itâs YOU who is âkissing wrongâ (whatever the FUCK that bullshit actually means) and not me???? why do you think GRABBING MY HEAD and FORCING me to kiss you is appropriate in ANY of these situations????
just. to end this. to anyone and everyone, regardless of their gender/sexuality/age etc. NEVER trust anyone who uses the term âgirlfriend materialâ/âboyfriend materialâ, to describe you, most especially when youâve JUST MET them.
theyâre using it as a means to control you and possibly trap you into an unhealthy (or potentially abusive) relationship like i wouldâve had with my stalker/creeper. but most especially, this goes out to my younger followers, if i have any. be aware of this. watch out for the small red flags and run at the earliest time.
#life#about me#shut up ilona#relationships i guess#iâve probably said this before lol#i canât remember though
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