#seriously though ty so much for the kind words lmao
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calipsno · 7 months ago
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MORE SNIPER PLEASE HE JUST AN ADORABLE LITTLE CUTIE PATOOTIE IN YOUR STYLE
LIVE SNIPER REACTION:
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pedroshotwifey · 5 months ago
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20 Questions for Writers 📑
I was tagged by @nerdieforpedro. Ty bb I love you ♥ I feel like some others may have tagged me in this a while ago so I send my thanks to you as well 🥰
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
Technically, I only have 32. I would personally count all of my collections and challenges as separate fics, but I'm honestly too lazy to format them that way. (mostly thinking ab wcc here)
2. What is your total AO3 word count?
I have a total of 200,985 words right now. Didn't realize I'd hit the 200,00 mark yet!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
I think it's safe to say Pedro Pascal is my fandom. I have no objections to writing for any other characters though---in fact, I've actually featured some Oscar Isaac characters in my fics before. I also have an unpublished Marc Spector fic that's been sitting in my docs for a while 🤭
4. Top Five fics by kudos:
Joel Fucking Miller (ao3 link) has 377 kudos. Dom Joel Miller fucks you over a table in this age gap enemies to....lovers(?) one shot.
Favorite Bounty (ao3 link) has 144 kudos. In this series, you unexpectedly hitch a ride with the Mandalorian and begin to grow close to him until you find out his secret.
Beg for it (ao3 link) has 121 kudos. Subby virgin Din is completely at your mercy in this one shot.
Wifey's Christmas Countdown collection (ao3 link) has 96 kudos. Lots of different characters and plots! Some are fluffy, some angsty, some smutty. Some are all three! Love these and I think some of my best writing can be found here.
Cramped (ao3 link) has 78 kudos. Subby virgin Din sitting in a teeny tiny cockpit with you. What more can I say? (gn! reader)
5. Do you respond to comments?
Always! It may take me a bit sometimes, but I love interacting with people who care enough to leave comments for me!
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Already published, I think I'm gonna have to go with Cuts. I personally love this fic and think it's a bit underrated. (dark!husband Jack Daniels x f!reader)
OOO actually I think Alone Always is gonna take the cake here. (Din Djarin x gn!reader)
7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?
I honestly have a habit of making most endings happy 😂 I don't feel like digging right now so I'm just gonna say What Matters. (Age gap Joel Miller x f!reader) This is also my most popular one shot on Tumblr with over 1,000 notes.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Not too much, but I have gotten some shit for little things on TTF. This rly sucks because I let it get to me too much and I end up getting into a slump.
9. Do you write smut?
Do I write anything else?
jkjk, I love writing it all, but smut is for sure one of my more dominant themes!
10. Craziest Crossover?
Probably One Condition. Ezra (prospect) and Marcus Pike x f!reader. Messy dubcon-ish sex pollen one shot. It's pretty fun and got a lot of good feedback!
11. Have you ever have a fic stolen?
As far as I know, I have not. And I'm really hoping it stays that way! I'm just hoping that since my writing isn't super great, most copycats will stay away 🤣
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that I'm aware of!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic?
Have not, but I wouldn't be opposed. I know my friend (@kewwrites) and I have talked about doing fics and eventually crossing over into each other's before.
14. All time favorite ship?
Me and Pedro, Duh!!
Lmao nah in all seriousness, pls don't hate me, but I'm a little obsessed with Dinluke 😂🫣
And I'll go ahead and take this opportunity to say that my absolute least favorite ship is Dinbo 👎
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
omg I don't know 😭 I have some that are very slow going but I don't want to admit defeat because then it's set in stone 😂 Hopefully everything will be finished at some point!
16. What are your writing strengths?
No idea. I honestly think that sometimes I kind of lock in and am able to write immaculate stories, but most of the time they're just meh. Great at description at these times.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
BURNOUT FUCK YOU BURNOUT FUCKK YOU FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
Currently going through an awful streak of it and I'm stressing out because I finally have time to write and am just not able to 🫠
18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
Fantastic if used right! I love little terms here and there depending on the ethnicity of the character and their first language since it definitely adds to the authenticity. I do like for the translation to be at the end of the phrase/excerpt though instead of at the end of the fic.
19. First Fandom you wrote in?
PPCU! Loml fr
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
This is so tough because I forget them all 😭 And then I'll read them again a few months later and fall in love and be like "this is the best thing I've ever written", and then forget again. 🫠 I genuinely have no idea.
I would love more than anything right now though if anybody would care to drop their favorite fic of mine in the comments of this post or even in my inbox ♥ I think it would help a lot to hear atm!
NPT: @kewwrites @notjustjavierpena @iamasaddie @strang3lov3 @freelancearsonist @janaispunk @beardedjoel @ghostofaboy
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one-winged-dreams · 7 months ago
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Death Metal, Nu Metal & Idol Metal for Cor
Oh ty Lee, I'm so utterly transparent lately lmao
who is more intimidating, s/i or f/o?
Cor. Cain is too fucking adorable and easy-going, he's the type of guy who's just so utterly disarming that you can't help but feel at ease around him.
And Cor is... Cor. He's just got one of those faces. And a reputation.
does f/o communicate more with words or actions? how about s/i?
Actions, good luck getting Cor to say anything TOO vulnerable most of the time. He doesn't refrain from doing so out of shame or anything, it's just not like him in general. Maybe in private, though. Possibly.
Cain is a good mix of both, he's OOZING affection at any given time. It's almost excessive, but it somehow never comes off as cheap. Though it does come off as something that looks like a shade of coping mechanism sometimes.
what's something s/i does that f/o finds cute or endearing? the other way around?
Cain is just kind of a cutie in general, much to Cor's dismay. It seems like he doesn't take anything seriously sometimes, but when you get to know him, it's obvious he just tries to set a lighthearted mood most of the time. It's sweet, it's cute, and Cor can't deny either of those things.
Cor is playful sometimes and every single time, it sends Cain straight to heart eyes land. If he so much as cracks a joke, it's so over.
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kokoasci · 2 years ago
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Aaah i love your artsyle so much! The light outlines (and the colors in general) just makes your art so prettx somehow! I would like to offer you a virtual cookie🍪 (seriously though thanks for sharing your artwork here 🥺)
tysm aaaa!! your words are so kind i really appreciate it 🫶🫶
ty guys for sticking with me while my style is all over the place ;__; it’d been very experimental lately so every drawing looks different and i highly appreciate all the support waaaa
in terms of adding highlights i tried doing a drawing without them yesterday and i just couldn’t do it lmao it looked so empty without them 😭😭 it’s probably not great habit but i like how it looks so i’ll keep doing them for now
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shunshuntaiga · 2 years ago
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THE BLUE HELLSITE TRIES TO KEEP ME FROM YOU BUT I REFUSE TO BE SILENCED!! i have suburra thoughts and some of them are your fault (ty💖) so you Need to hear them.
glad you got a laugh out of my work around the ask word limit lmfaooo :)))) and feel free to take your time, this fresh batch of insanity is A Lot.
Anon! I am alive raising from the dust of my illness coma like mushu from the old mulan movie.
Lol
But seriously, I've had The Plague and have basically just been sleeping and trying not to die.
But I'm back to answer all your lovely, lovely thoughts in one big Mega Post!
"Maybe magic is not allowed because it not only changes the person you bring back but the person who casts it as well"
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. The angst of how the spell that brings Aurelia back would slowly be killing Spadi too.... forcing everyone to not only to have gone through just losing Aure, but now the fear of losing Spadino as well... it's too good.
The magic eating away at his mind and body, BUT what if the more it killed Spadi... the more like himself Aurelia became? Still not his old self of course, but closer to the real thing. The laws of equivalent exchange. So it would give Spadi a reason to fight them when it came to reversing the spell.
'Can't youse?! It's him! It's more like him everyday!'
'But what about you!?'
'I don't matter.'
Aaa it would be so good. Kind of like, the spell pours all of Spadino's memories and strength into remaking him, and in the end its either him or Aure who will die. Again.
Spadi would definitely cut his throat, wouldn't he? Ughhh it's so messy, but he's definitely a "with my hands type" (if you like the hannibal reference lol)
I was totally imagining a gun to his head, tears streaming down his gaunt cheeks as Aurelia slowly, lovingly, adoringly, closes his eyes for the last time, once again choosing Spadino's life over his own in a way that I'd the most like himself he's ever been since Spadi brought him "back".
"The rock rose and the thistle is a perfect Spadeliano song"
Yes it truly is, I always interpreted that song to be about a toxic relationship of sorts, not the kind where it's obviously bad for either party, but the sort where it's like, we're no good for each other but it's all we know and we know how to put each other back together even if it's not perfect. Which is very on brand for them.
AND EDDIE ABSOLUTELY DESERVED BETTER!! *much sobbing and wailing and nashing of teeth* he's a sweetheart and I'm gonna fix it!
It's definitely weird trying to write a fic with weed content when I keep having to go to my friends like, "so hey is this a thing?" With all my drug related questions lol. I'm so sheltered lmao I haven't done any writing on anything though and it's so frustrating.
Curse you covid!!!
And as for your fic description, yes, painfully, regretfully, I most certainly would!! Anything with my sweet boys I will read. I have read the entire English catalog for suburra, and even some of the Italian ones, albeit badly translated by Google lol. I want as much spadeliano content shoved into my eyeballs as possible.
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hotxcheeto · 2 years ago
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heyyooo could u make some headcanons for the lis ppl when we get into a fight for them? Like a physical one 👀👀👀
━ 𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌
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𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 - Chloe, Rachel, Victoria, Nathan, Kate, Steph
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, VERY brief mention of being high ( chloe ), slight descriptions of fights, alludes to wounds, angsty, fluff
𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope/ some
𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - ty for the request, imagining this was fun!! <;33
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☆ 𝐂𝐡𝐥𝐨𝐞 – Totally roots for you but flabbergasted at the same time. I mean you're obviously fighting them for a reason so she'll cheer you on. But will break it up if it gets too far and if people are seriously getting hurt, but totally panics while doing it because omg you love her and fought for her. But she's dragging you back because the person's unconscious now.
But she'd fight someone for you, so it's only fair.
Loves you to death though, she's always felt like she's not enough for people or doesn't deserve that love. But the fact that you went and were ready to beat someone up because they were talking bad about her or disrespecting her and your only thought was protecting her.
Brings a tear to her eye. No she probably cried after she thought about it for long enough at 2am one night while high.
Chloe is a pussy, as much of a hardass as she claims to be or even is at times, she gets scared. She'll even admit it, she doesn't do good in physical fights, insult her though and the tongue lashing will be worse than your moms. But she can get a couple good punchesin there but seeing you go at someone, seriously, she's gonna marry your ass.
Worries about you though, she feels like she doesn't deserve that love. But you dgaf you'll punch any bitch that disrespects either of you, you barely realize how much love she has while looking at you defending her. Words or a fight. Chloe is in deep.
☆ 𝐑𝐚����𝐡𝐞𝐥 – Rachel, baby, definitely panics slightly. Shows in her face but it's more inside than out. She's worried about you, but seeing you fighting, definitely don't need to be. Rachel's proud, probably records school fights but nobody can trace it back to her and she's like a ghost, nobody sees her.
You just started swinging, no thought just pissed and protective. Rachel would totally fight someone for you, but seeing you just go swinging at someone, makes her panic and then proud and then she realizes how hot you are. Laughing after the fact and even a bit in the moment, watching you beat someone up.
Gloats about it with you later after you totally take the win. Compliments you too. It's definitely a memory you both laugh at every once in a while, but Rachel knows if something happened like that again, you'll be right front and center to it all.
☆ 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚 – Not a fighter, physically anyway. Does freak a bit when you jumped up and punched someone for talking shit about her right in front of you. Teasing her and making her feel like shit. It was bothering her, so you whacked them.
Vic, for good reason, panicked a bit and backed up. Staring at the fight while in a bit of shock. Doesn't yell or cheer, just kind of in shock lmao. Nathan would totally stand there laughing beside her.
Laughs her ass off after seeing the victim of your fists. Probably throws some teasing insults at them and their friends just to rub salt in the wound.
Also probably has people post it online or digs at them on her page just to get a kick out of them. She's a bitch, and you love her for it.
☆ 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 – Let's be honest, he's not a fighter. Nathan might be able to hold his own in a fight but... lord you seen him against Warren he's up there but got his shit rocked... I'm sorry. Moving on... he would laugh his ass off. Blast the person – with words and bullying.
Probably a bit insecure though, honestly, like he couldn't stand up for himself and that his dad would think he's a pussy but trust me, there was no stopping you. Def cried, like Chloe after thinking about it for too long in the middle of the night like 2 months after it happened.
He's more of a sit in silence type of grateful. Laying in his dorm room while you clean up, but the fact that you about got suspended for him. It's true love. Also teases you about it here and there, but it makes him wonder if he can protect you, but shit – seeing that you probably don't need it.
☆ 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐞 – Kate gives me strong ' I cry a lot ' vibes and not in a bad way. She's just very sensitive and if you watch the notebook with her she'd cry for hours and probably think so deep into the story it makes her cry more. So seeing you fighting immediately makes her worried and sprint to the scene.
Then she sees you, practically slamming someone's face into the cement. Probably cries, mostly out of panic and shock. Cries after, cause my poor baby was worried about you and what was gonna happen, especially if you were okay.
Just overwhelmed, because of everything that had happening to her and then that happening. She's just so worried and upset. But you were right there to comfort her, even after beating someone's ass.
you love her, and she knows it.
☆ 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐡 – screaming. Not her, me. She'd totally fight someone even while shitting her pants because let's be honest, Steph's a pussy. love her and her admittance too because she'd totally admit it. BUT YOU?
You start throwing hands with someone and she hears, deadass probably has popcorn magically to watch the fight video with. Biggest cheerleader, but it's also childish so she breaks it up fairly quickly but gives you a high five later then scolds you.
Don't fight on my behalf but good job on winning.
That might as well be a direct quote from her. Gives you major props though, Steph probably wouldn't have won if she was you but shit she sure would've tried. She loves you very much, but don't do it again.
She's proud. But you're def grounded.
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cinnamonest · 4 years ago
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Razor (Genshin Impact) - Yandere Profile
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@bleachlemon
I'm glad you are ok with it because oh boy do I have some very very n a s t y noncon-y thoughts about our wolfboi. We love a dense boy, not a single thought in his empty, horny lil brain. Head empty, just horny for y/n. 
I also have the big horny™ for any cross between boys and canines... Does smth for me. As if my favoritism wasn't obvious by how much I've written below lmao
tw: general yandere content, violence, mentions of n/sfw
tw below cut: breeding, heavy  noncon, like jfc this is nasty, misogynistic
----
What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?
The biggest issue with Razor is his complete and total lack of restraint. He sees no need for it, he has no real concept of social norms. Wolves don't really practice restraint on... anything. When they see something they want to kill, they kill it, when they see something they want to have, they have it, when they're mad, they attack, when they're hungry, they eat.
So in a way, he's perfectly lucid, but doesn't act as a normal lucid person who understands social norms would do. He knows that you give him some burning, fluttery feeling, and that he enjoys having you around, and that he gets sad when you have to leave. He's perceptive enough to know it's the same urge that drives humans to form their long-term mate partnerships. If that's what they refer to as "love," he'll readily adopt that term as a way to describe what he feels. What he doesn't get is everything between point A and point Z. No point in all the "courtship" and "marriage" and other human customs -- he doesn't need to "date" to know you're the one, and he doesn't need some signed paper to signify he loves you. In his mind, it's perfectly logical to expect you to immediately come live out in Wolvendom with him. You did accept all his courtship signs, after all.
Wolves are very straightforward with it, you see. Their courtship includes going for walks side-by-side, close to each other, which you did when you let him guide you through the woods. Wolves will rest their head or legs on the other, and you let him rest his head on your shoulder (even if you flinched with surprise when he did, uncomfortable but too nice to say anything). He even when to the extent of engaging in human mating rituals -- you accepted all those gifts he hunted down, and you smiled when he said nice things about how pretty you are, how nice you smell.
So in other words, you've basically already accepted him as a mate. That's what he's perceived, and changing his initial perceptions is not easily accomplished.
How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?
One of the most likely, and definitely the fastest. Possibly after meeting you a single time. He can't take the risk of you not coming back.
He won't be very subtle or sneaky about it either, not tricking you into walking right into captivity, nor drugging you or taking you in your sleep. It's very straightforward - it's not like there's anyone in Wolvendom to hear you, so he has no problem just slinging you over his shoulder and carrying you off. He kinda gets why you'd panic, so he reassures you that no, he's not gonna eat you or anything, you're just going home.
Don't worry about the pack - they won't eat you either, or even hurt you. He's already told them not to. He gets why you might be frightened by the massive, snarling creatures and their massive teeth and eyes that shine in moonlight, but he'll make sure you get used to them and accept them as your family, just like he has.
How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 
That depends. Can you fight off two 180-pound masses of claws, teeth, and muscle? If so, sure, it'll be easy. If not... you'll have some issues.
He's lucky to have such a loyal pack that will help him with these things - they don't exactly understand why you'd want to leave, but they know you're not supposed to. Even when he has to leave you, which isn't often, he'll leave a few of them around to watch you. To make sure no one comes and steals you or anything - and of course, the implication that it's to make sure you don't run away, either. He doesn't really get why you would, but he's come to the realization, based on what you've tried to tell him, that you miss your family and friends. And he gets that, he really does, but in the end, he's selfish at his core, and his empathy for you isn't enough for him to just let you go.
He sleeps latched onto you, arms wrapped around you, so it's not a good idea to try. Your best bet is to wait for a time he's gone and distract the wolves with something, which isn't too hard, and run for it. But even if you do manage to escape, you won't be for long. They can smell you from a mile away and will use your scent to pinpoint you down within a few minutes. They don't exactly have any gentle ways of taking you down and bringing you back, either. They're basically going to have to use their teeth, so it's better if you don't struggle - you'll just hurt yourself.
If he catches you, though, he'll just get huffy and angry, and much like when initially taking you, he'll just pick you right up and bring you back. He's not opposed to stealing ropes and the like from the passing knights, and tying knots isn't too difficult to figure out.
How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?
Poor boy is very easy to lie to and manipulate. Head empty, not many thoughts up there. However, you'll have to be clever about it, because most of the time, even if he believes you, he doesn't care. Sure, you can easily convince him that it's normal for human couples to sleep separately... But that's not going to stop him from curling up with you, because that's what he does. That's what wolves do.
He will, however, be somewhat easily manipulated into getting you things you want, if he thinks it'll make you happy. However, obtaining things you want will almost definitely come in the form of theft, or worst case scenario, the body of a passer-by that just so happened to have something you wanted visibly on their person.
If he finds out you lied to him on something, he'll get pouty and grumpy. It's not pleasant, but it's better than the rage reaction of some yanderes.
How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?
His life revolves around you, and yours should revolve around him. That's how mates are. You can go for walks in the woods! You can take naps in the sun together! You can spend literal hours mating! Why would you need anything else?
That being said, he's always had a uniqueness from the wolves in that he's awake more - wolves sleep about 14 hours a day, him only about 8 or 9. You'll definitely be getting a lot more sleep than you would back home, but you'll have a few precious hours to yourselves. It makes him happy - it used to be time he spent all alone, a reminder of how he didn't truly fit in with humans nor wolves. But now, you have that time together! He's willing to do most anything you want, so long as you're together. He's always had some adaptative differences he practices by himself - making fires, cooking food on them, wearing clothes. If you want to go exploring, you can do that, if you want to make food, you can do that too. He'll even accommodate you if you want to do useless things, like your insistence on teaching him to read, or practicing his speech.
What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?
It's fairly simple. Don't leave. That's really the one big one.
He's actually not one to make a rule against fighting him - he'll see it as you wanting to play fight, wrestling, which wolves do all the time. It's fun, even if it's easy for him to win. And it's exciting when you fight back, in a weird way.
Don't make contact with other humans, if you see them. Oh, and he'll want you to report to him everything you did or saw while he was gone hunting.
Generally, if he gives you a command, which isn't too much, he expects you to follow it. In his mind, he's the male, he's supposed to tell you what to do. Isn't that how it usually works with humans too?
If you're too disobedient, he'll get grumpy. Honestly, his most likely form of dealing with it is to wrestle you to the ground, and essentially hold you down until you comply or agree to whatever he wants.
How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?
Rip.
But seriously. No, they're not going to last. He's one of the more paranoid ones, because deep down he's aware of how little he understands. For all he knows, every human male that talks to you could be doing what you call "flirting." Hell, didn't some girls like other girls too? How does he know which ones do and which ones don't? That means everyone is a threat, and he can't let threats get in the way.
He's not one of the ones to be subtle or try to hide it from you. He will probably try a little bit if he knows it's one of your family or friends whose blood is soaking his clothes when he comes back to you, but if it's random, he might even be proud. Look at that, he took down a whole search party that came looking for you all by himself! It's proof of his strength and dominance, and you should be happy that you have a strong mate to protect you! And he doesn't really empathize well - if you're upset, he will explain exactly that to you, and insist you change how you see things. Humans are so strange, being upset that your mate is able to protect you. You'll see why it's a good thing eventually, he's sure.
How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?
He gets frustrated pretty easily. It's usually just a lack of understanding, in his mind, you're being unnecessarily difficult almost all the time. He has told you a million times he doesn't care about whatever is normal for humans, yet you continuously bring it up, and that's a bit irritating. He'll huff and sigh and clamp a hand over your mouth if you're going on about it, and if you really refuse to shut up about it, there are a variety of ways of making you quiet - or distracting you from complaints.
He's got an immature streak, as he never really had anyone around to teach him otherwise. So he gets very pouty, a little bit aggressive and forceful when it comes to being upset over something or getting his way. If he wants attention and you're not giving it to him, he won't hesitate to just take whatever you're holding and focused on of your hands and toss it to the side.
On the positive side, he's never going to be passive aggressive. He's always straightforward and has no hesitation to tell you exactly how he's feeling.
If he's genuinely, truly furious, he can get violent. He'll probably apologize and definitely feel bad, licking all the little wounds. He wouldn't try to do anything so bad as bone breaking or severely hurting you, but might accidentally lose control of his own strength.
Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?
More or less an equal. Not much to say here, as, to be honest, that sort of thing hasn't really crossed his mind. He doesn't waste time with thoughts of relative value, he just knows he loves you and wants you.
Subconsciously, it would be slightly below. Due to a very natural upbringing, he automatically associates males as being the leaders and alphas, while females are... Well, puppy-making machines. Don't try to accuse him of any sort of sexism or anything - he can't even really wrap his head around the concept, much less understand why it's wrong to acknowledge how much weaker you are than him. If you need proof of that, he can easily wrestle with you and prove it.
How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?
Pretty highly determined. He mistakes a lot of things as signs of love, though. You might be only complying out of fear or exhaustion, but he won't be able to tell, he's not good with facial expressions, so he thinks it's a sign you're accepting him.
Honestly, he's one of the ones that, albeit unintentionally, will kind of guilt you into acceptance. You inevitably feel bad for him, you can tell how lonely he really is, and how desperately he loves you, wants you to love him. His intentions aren't malicious, and it's actually difficult to truly resent him, unlike some yanderes. Ironically, it reaches a point where rejecting him sometimes really does feel like kicking a sad little stray puppy in the rain - it makes you feel awful when he gets sad and quiet.
While there are a lot of yanderes who would be a lot more earnest and striving to serve and please you, which he doesn't really do, he's probably one of the most patient yanderes when it comes to this. He doesn't care if it takes the rest of your lives. He'll never give up or just settle for having you with him, he'll be loving you and trying to be reassured of your love till the day he dies, if that's what it takes.
Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?
Primarily, it's hard to emphasize how significantly his lack of human socialization impacts his yandere behaviors.
Most yanderes are forced to acknowledge the inherent wrongness of their actions - some will accept it and not care that it's wrong, some sadists enjoy knowing it's wrong, some will delude themselves into justifying it, some will try their best to act within moral boundaries or make up for their wrongness somehow. But all in all, they all have to face the reality of the situation and understand that what they're doing is considered wrong.
Razor's not like that. He doesn't really take the moral aspect into consideration. To him, the whole idea is simply a human thing entirely. It doesn't matter what humans do. He views the world in a very black and white sense. Morality is a more abstract concept, what's more important is how things are relative to himself - what he wants.
Tends to communicate in strange ways. Excess emotions, too much happiness or anger or whatever can make him forget his words, so there's a lot of subtle communication through grunts, whimpers, growls. Over time, you learn how to distinguish between the various noises and body language and what they mean.
Will lick you. It's weird. It's kinda gross. But it's just how he shows affection. He tends to get carried away with kisses, ending up lapping at your lips, licking your neck and collarbones, nuzzling his head into you.
General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?
Scientifically speaking, male sex drive is heavily boosted by testosterone. Testosterone can be greatly increased by heavy physical activity, eating high amounts of meat, sun exposure, and is even directly correlated to spending large amounts of time outdoors. 
You see where this is going.
Very high drive, very touchy, and no reservations, no shame. Thank whatever deity you care to recognize in Tevyat that you're isolated from other people out in the woods, because he has no concept of norms or appropriateness, and trying to get him to understand is a fruitless effort. You're wasting your time trying to explain the idea that groping and touching out of the blue is considered rude, or that most human men take issue with being very visibly, very noticeably hard and would likely try to conceal it, not just sit there with the blatant bulge poking forward... His response will only be that you're far away from humans, so it shouldn't matter. He's just trying to show you he loves you, that's why he insists on grinding into you all the time, staring at your body, humping you when you're curled up together quite ironically like a horny dog.
Unfortunately, he basically just does not know how to be gentle or slow about it. He can start off trying to be slow and soft if you beg for it, but once you're actually laying there and he's in you, he gets caught up in instinct and the heat of the moment, and just kinda... forgets about that whole "slow and gentle" thing, opting to just rut you as hard and fast as possible.
He doesn't talk much during sex. He already has some trouble forming sentences in normal times, you can't expect him to when he's fucking. You won't get a lot of words besides the occasional, "good, feels good," or little commands, but you will get a lot of animalistic noises - possessive growls, little whines of pleasure. He doesn't have any sense to hold back on his noises.
He's also the least likely to care about things like shaving, periods, or imperfections. Which is good, but you also can't use those things as an excuse to not fuck, it'll go in one ear and out the other.
How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?
It's not so much an intentional disregard for your willingness, so much as a combo of not really considering it, and thinking it's just something you'll change on. If he's human, and he has the urge, that means surely you do too. Sometimes humans need emotional connections before they want to mate, right? So he just needs to express his love to you. The looping problem there is that fucking you is pretty much his primary way of expressing love. It'll work out in the end, he guesses.
His limited knowledge of humanity also will lead him to certain conclusions. From what he understands, human society often shames females for having sex and wanting sex, right? That's dumb. But their mentality is probably ingrained in your brain, isn't it? That's why you act like this. But don't worry, he's not like the human men. Wolves don't feel that way. You'll understand that with time.
What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?
Biting/Scratching/Marking
It's a natural reaction to him. If he's balls deep in you, mounted on and pounding into your body, thrusting so hard that your body is lurching forward with every movement, he wants a way to hold you still, keep your body in place so that each pounding goes deeper and harder. It's second nature for him to just sink his teeth into your jugular, your neck, your shoulders. As an added bonus, he likes seeing the marks it leaves behind, in addition to how his fingernails that dig into your hips leave little indents in your skin.
Breeding
He doesn't know how to not cum in you. You can't honestly expect him to pull out of you, you're so warm and wet and soft, it would be torture not to reach a climax buried inside that tight heat. You can go on a rant about not wanting to get pregnant, but it'll go in one ear and out the other. He doesn't get it - you're supposed to want to have his pups. Do you not think he's a suitable mate for reproducing? You'll be halfway through explaining why kids aren't in your current agenda before being flipped over and pounded into yet again with his newfound determination to prove his strength and dominance to you. Once you understand that, surely, you'll want all the puppies you can possibly make.
Predator/Prey
This applies mostly to escape attempts. He'll be mad, but it triggers something in him, something instilled by years of hunting down poor little prey animals. The desire to hunt you down, find you, and ruin you. Instead of ripping you apart like he would boars, he can't think of anything but just fucking you up against the nearest tree, the ground, anything. The faster you run, the more afraid you are, the more exciting it is. It's a very primal urge, one that commands all sorts of predators, both in feeding and breeding.
Forced Orgasms
As with many human things, he makes certain discoveries with time about sex. The first time you fuck, it'll probably be too rough for you to really cum, but it'll only be a few days in before your body adjusts to the girth that's frequently inside of you, and you end up spasming all over him - and he's just got this shocked expression, watching with amazement when you clench down and quiver under him. Wait, you mean human females can orgasm too? Not just the men?
From that point forward, he's determined to fuck, lick, grind, and force every orgasm out of you as physically possible. It makes him feel a weird sort of pride and contentment. It's one of the few things that makes him a big smug. Even if you feel like you can't possibly cum any more, he'll try anyway.
How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?
It's your purpose! He has learned that human girls only have one baby at a time, sometimes two, which is nothing compared to how many pups wolves usually have in one litter. That means that you'll have to make up for the lack of quantity of pups with quantity of pregnancies, which means constantly breeding and breeding and making sure every last drop stays inside of you. He doesn't understand why humans would even want to prevent pregnancy, it's the best thing that can happen, it's the whole reason you're alive, and it's a sign that you're his. Like with most things, he knows eventually you'll come around. Once you actually have the pups there in front of you, you'll love it. He knows you will.
What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?
He's a little lacking on the thought process behind punishing. If he's mad, it tends to cloud his thoughts, reverting to a more animalistic state, and he's not gonna have the complex thoughts required to really think through punishment, so it's not gonna be anything complex.
Doesn't really matter, if he's mad, just fucking you is going to feel like a punishment, with him slamming you into the ground, a tree, any rough surface nearby and just rutting you, claw-like fingernails digging into your skin and teeth sinking into your shoulder to hold you in place, a hand clasped around your throat. Fucking is basically the primary outlet he chooses for his emotions, happiness, love, stress, and anger alike, a simple, primal form of expression. If he's mad, he just needs to take it out on something, release all of that force and energy into rough, brutal motions. Normally when he's angry, he'll go hunt down some animal, taking all that anger out on the kill. But, recently he's learned he actually quite prefers to release his anger this way. It's more satisfying and enjoyable, and it deters you from stepping out of line, too. It's not just your average slightly rough fucking, no, it's the kind of fucking that will genuinely hurt you, rutting you over and over until your insides are burning from friction, your walls and cervix so completely bruised and abused you'll feel the  throbbing soreness with every movement for days, hands leaving massive bruises all across your hips and shoulders. Not that that's any excuse to not fuck more, no, no soreness will get you out of normal daily routine.
What body parts of their darling do they like the most?
He has a thing for breasts. They're very unique to humans, it's something he hasn't had the opportunity to see or understand, and he'll spend a lot of time just burying his face in them, licking and sucking. Big or small, doesn't matter. He just likes them.
One more nasty HC i can't not talk about
wait, you mean humans have sex... Facing each other? There are positions other than doggy? It's all he's ever seen. Porn and the internet don't exactly exist in this world. The whole concept blows his mind. He can fuck you AND see your face while he does? He'll nearly faint right then and there, and you'll regret bringing it up once you've gone numb from the repetitive pounding. He'll start asking you what else exists out there, his brain will start thinking of all the different ways to fuck he's never thought about. Once he learns you can ride him, he's in heaven, even if it's not so much riding so much as you sitting on his cock and him bouncing you up and down with such ferocity you can't even move your legs.
Speaking of things he doesn't know about, if you're smart, you make sure he doesn't find out about blowjobs. He'll love it, and it won't be a blowjob so much as him literally fucking your throat, grabbing your head and hair and just wrecking your mouth.
None of it is him trying to hurt you, really. He just doesn't understand how to be gentle. He might get better with time, but he's got a predator-born ferocity, a primal roughness that will always be a part of his nature.
(yes i did research on wolf courtship/mating rituals for this bc i suffer for my art)
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volleychumps · 4 years ago
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Hi;; could I get headcannon of akaashi, tsuki, and suga having a gf who cries a lot? Ty in advace 🥺
yes ofc!!!!! Thank you for your patience babes<3
S/O Who Cries A lot (Akaashi, Tsukishima, Sugawara) 
--------------------------
Akaashi 
-“Y/N’s uh...” “Coming.” 
- Is the calmest when you have your little bursts of tears, knowing and remembering just what to do to make you calm down
- sighs a little when the same classmate pops her head into his classroom with a it’s happening again kind of expression before he takes mild strides down the hallway toward the familiar class
- Remains unsurprised as you sulk with your head buried on your arms upon your desk, eyes looking straight ahead with tears threatening to spill down your cheeks 
- “Y/N.” “Keiji...” 
- gives you a small nod of encouragement to continue on as he sits on the desk, letting you lay your head down on his lap as he runs his fingers through your hair, the people in your class too used to the sight before them 
- “D-Did you know that grizzly bears have to abandon their cubs? Their own children, Keiji, can you believe that?” 
- “Unbelievable.” In a mild tone as he narrows his eyes at your classmates, silently asking who let loose such a random sad fact that triggered your tears as a certain guy awkwardly sidesteps out of the classroom 
- “I know, right?! I want a grizzly. Can we adopt a grizzly?” 
- Please don’t look at him that way you know he can’t take it- 
- Flinches when you look up at him seriously, pout on your lips as your wet eyes make his chest tug, but he sighs and puts his foot down
- “No. We can’t get a grizzly.” “B-But-!” 
- “Booooo get her a cub-” “Stay out of this, Konoha.” 
- Rolls his eyes, but gently tugs you out of your seat and out the door before casting one more glare to the whistling boy outside your classroom 
- “Where are we going?” You hiccup, trailing behind Akaashi with a loose grip on his hand as the setter hums 
- “School’s almost over anyways. I’ll buy you something sweet.”
- lowkey feels really tired when your sadness seems to not have been very deep for those cubs when you gasp and tighten your grip on his hand excitedly 
- honestly, he knows he’s the only one who can handle you 
Tsukishima
- “It isn’t that hard- you’re crying again?” “No! I-I’m not-!” 
- isn’t the gentlest when it comes to your common act of tearing up at the little things, but slowly grew more accustom to it when he realized how insecure you were about it 
- you were crying over an essay though- 
-Damn blondie we can’t all be smart I’ve cried over essays too much ksjdfkjf
- immediately lowers the tone of his voice when you whip your head away to hide your tears, pouting off to the side as the blonde picks his pen up to give you a few moments to yourself
- “Done crying?” As he scrawls at the paper, proofreading your essay for you as he sees you puff your cheeks out from his peripheral vision
- “I wasn’t.” “You’re about to get tired.” “I’m not-!” 
- Smirks a little when he sees your eyes drooping a little as you scoff, going back to your paper with scratchy eyes
- casually sets a hand on the back of your head, tugging it towards his shoulder as he continues to write, not glancing down at your surprised expression
- “Hm. Then do me a favor and keep my shoulder warm. Plus you won’t be cranky when you wake up.” “I don’t get cranky though-” 
- Scoffs before using his thumb to swipe at the moisture in your eyes gently, coaxing you into a deeper state of sleepiness, eyeing your features with a thump in his chest quietly when he ensures you’re asleep 
- caps his pen, all done with your essay before deciding not to let you know, simply laying his head on your sleeping one before beginning to close his eyes as well- 
- “Do not tell me you’re crying because of how much you like me. Again.” “Leave me alone, I can’t help it! You’re honestly such a bully-” 
- “A bully that likes you too, so shut up and go to sleep.” 
- Smirks at your blushing silence as you cuddle a bit more into his shoulder, tears drying on your cheeks as Tsukishima relishes in satisfaction 
- Another occurence conquered
Sugawara
- “She’s what?” “Ha...we tried to help her, but she hasn’t stopped-” 
- is the most doting over you, and 100% is the type to keep a pack of tissues in his pockets for events like these, racing over to where you are right away 
- “You should have started with that, Daichi! You’re scary, you probably made her cry more because you don’t know how to smile. ” “Excuse me-”
- ignores Daichi’s growing irritation and Asahi’s stifled laughter before racing out of the volleyball practice gym past his teammates to find you sitting outside the door cutely in his escape 
- lmao he lowkey feels like crying when he sees you sniffling to yourself 
- but handles you super gently, simply taking a seat next to you with a warm grin on his face as you refuse to meet his kind stare, glaring through blurred vision down at your knees
- “What happened now?” “Nothing...” 
- “So you just felt like chilling in front of my club’s gym without coming in?” “...yep.” 
- eyes widen a little bit when you throw your hands around his neck, crying softly into his shoulder before he relaxes and holds you back gently, tracing circles on your back soothingly
- in all honesty the first time this happened his soul left his body because he thought he had done something wrong 
- “Okay this? This doesn’t look like nothing.” “...please just hug me.” 
- smiles nonetheless, placing small kisses in the juncture between your shoulder and neck until he feels your breathing even out, slipping the tissues out to dab at your cheeks when you pull back with a pout 
- “Wanna talk about it?” “...I’m not cute enough for you.”
- lowkey is riled up to go and fight somebody but chuckles nonetheless as he blinks at you in disbelief 
- “What on earth? You’re so cute. Literally the cutest. Too cute for me, actually-” “Are you sure?”
- sighs, kind of disappointed that you weren’t confident in his words but grins at the fact that you weren’t crying anymore 
- “More than sure.” as he cups your cheek sweetly, grin only widening when you nuzzle into his hand 
- “...now who the hell told you that you weren’t cute, I just wanna talk. Along with Daichi. And Asahi.”
- “Suga no-” 
- on the bright side, you were smiling now. 
-------------------------------------
General works: @kasandrafaye​ @savemesteeb​ @dreebbles​ @takemetovalhalla​ @yams046​
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shoichee · 4 years ago
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part 4: hcs dedicated to reactions: seirin (their precious lil manager going out with that scissor-wielding emperor bastard!?) and rakuzan (their captain was in love with that girl who cussed at him near the vending machine?!? ITS SO FUNNY) ++ angst where akashi gets jealous of readers teammates (IZUKI kuroko kagami furi... but mostly izuki bc point guards with eye powers) because he still feels bad about what happened and thinks he doesnt deserve her -- teiko anon
OUR LEGENDARY TEIKO ANON HAS SPOKEN OF AN EPILOGUE, alright y’all the finale FINALE 🧘🏻‍♀️ OKAY, i don’t think I hammered too hard on the angst, but enjoy the fluff and subtle crack😌
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OOH, looks like another anon wants a pt. 4! :0 Since it is primarily the Teiko anon’s request, I will be prioritizing the first request, but I will combine a few aspects of this request to make a fuller headcanon epilogue! Hope everyone enjoys this! part 1 here // part 2 here // part 3 here
Akashi x Reader
Part 4: Epilogue
[Teiko!manager Headcanons]
in the aftermath of the Winter Cup, your relationship with Akashi has certainly gotten much better, and dare you say, more intimate and romantic; though you were still healing a bit from the emotional scars from Teiko, they seemed to be going away faster than you realized, especially when everyone gathers for Kuroko’s birthday party
you were with Seirin, helping with the decorations and setting up the plates before Kuroko comes in the evening, but what no one expected was for him to bring in the GoMs
YOU’RE SHOOK AND YOU’RE BASHFUL SEEING AKASHI IN HIS WINTER ATTIRE, you’re getting MAD butterflies, but no one seems to notice because everyone’s attention is on the GoMs and Kuroko
of course Akashi was scanning the room for you first, and you immediately look away from his affectionate stare because you were still not used to the old Akashi, let alone his sweeter side for only you
Izuki notices how quiet you got and nudged your ribs with his elbow before telling a stupid pun… the thing is, you were one of the few people who genuinely found his jokes funny LOL
Akashi widens his eyes, staring at you laughing so unabashedly, and he feels really, really bad that he never got that level of a reaction from you whenever you were with him even despite knowing you for longer
now as the party goes on, Akashi is seeing your dynamics with Seirin for the first time and he’s just really grateful that you found an amazing support group during your low times; he’s not particularly someone to get jealous, but he’s getting a BAD case of FOMO because he’s thinking of all the “what-if’s” and all the times he could’ve made you happy and stress-free
“Akashi-kun?”
“Ah… yes?” Akashi snaps out of his daze to see a mild smirk coming from Kuroko on his right side, and Kuroko was about to ask a question about who he was looking at before a shout of “Watch out!” and a ceramic plate came FLYING across the table to hit the Rakuzan captain square on his face
CUE SCREAMS OF PANIC AS MOMOI PUNCHES AOMINE ON THE HEAD AND RIKO JUMPS TO STRANGLE KAGAMI, AND YOU LITERALLY ZOOMED TO HIS SIDE TO CHECK ON ANY INJURIES
see, he could’ve easily dodged it, and he supposed that it’s his fault for not paying attention and dodging on time
thankfully, the plate didn’t break because Kuroko caught the plate before it reached the floor and placed it back on the table
Akashi still has a bruise or two on his face though… and ngl, everyone gulped when they saw him checking out the injuries with a handheld mirror, ready to get their ankles broken
you were so worried over his safety, he finds it really endearing… but he wants to elicit an expression other than looks of worry or tears or anger (flashback to when you cussed him out)
“Wait, but (y/n)...” Koganei said. “Since when were you so close to Akashi that you didn’t hesitate to touch his face?”
a few moments of silence for everyone to register his words
“EHHHH?????!!!!”
everyone is throwing QUESTION after QUESTION at the two of you, and Akashi just has a neutral face with his mouth parted while you were so embarrassed LMAO
Kise being a real best friend, tells them:
“Alright, alright, everyone! Let’s not forget about the birthday boy! Kurokocchi should be the center of our attention today!”
“Kise, that’s…”
“Anywho! Let’s light up the cake and find those party poppers…”
after the party though, when you all return to school, Seirin was READY to jump on you for interrogation, and you do reluctantly tell them that you and Akashi are a tentative couple
Riko: “SERIOUSLY? I mean… that’s kinda cute though…”
Hyuuga: “I mean… yeah, as long as you’re happy, it’s none of my business.”
Teppei: “I hope he treats you well, (y/n)-san.” and of course he gives you his signature head pats
Furihata, Tsuchida, Kawahara: “??????????????????? But why?”
Koganei: “Huh, guess that explains a lot.”
Kagami: “???????????? pt. 2 LMAO” and also “What do you even see in him?” in genuine curiosity
Izuki: “ I guess you two dove into this relationship without hesitation, eh? Get it, get it? Because doves are a symbol of lo—”
“Izuki, shut the fuck up.”
“It means that you love (Ai)kashi—” [Ai means love]
“IZUKI.”
Kuroko simply pretends that this is the first time he’s heard of you dating Akashi, and he gives you his heartfelt congratulations, and as long as Kuroko approves of it, you feel like you’re on the right track (he’s such a good judge of character!)
you and Akashi actually live VERY far apart, considering that your schools are equally just as far in distance, but that being said, for our rich boy Akashi, distance isn’t much of a problem when he can easily find ways to come visit any time
he can also pay for your transportation to visit Rakuzan if you ever felt like visiting him too (although, you insist to pay for your own things, but he’s not having it because he says it’s a treat for him to see you too)
whenever Akashi stops by the Seirin campus to visit, he’s just kind of awkward standing there like the prince that he is, waiting for the perfect opportunity to walk in, but every time, he’d ALWAYS notice how you’re so happy being with everyone here, especially with Izuki, and his guilt just comes back full force again
he wonders if this was right of him to date you when there’s so much people who can easily do a better job in getting you to smile and be completely yourself, especially since he’s been the source of your anguish for all these months (maybe even a year or two if he was counting the duration of your entire crush on him that you assumed to be unrequited)
“Seijurō!” your voice rang out, beckoning him to walk towards you and the group
all of the Seirin teammates are so wary of him, and are all hyper aware of his movements LOL, and Kuroko is just like “hi, you’re back” very casually
Kagami uses this as a chance to challenge a one-on-one on Akashi
Kagami gets destroyed in a few minutes flat
the whole time you’re just watching Akashi with heart eyes, unbeknownst to him while he was focused on Kagami
after the interrogation and Akashi passing the “first stage” of acceptance, you and him find time to have a cute date at a local shopping district to walk around and sightsee
Akashi finds it fun, he really did, but there’s a part of him that thinks you’d have more fun with people who know you better… a.k.a. Izuki, or legit any other Seirin member
he’s visibly distracted by his own thoughts, and you wave a hand to his face, asking if this was too boring for him
“No, no, of course I’m enjoying this with you,” he muses, putting a gentle kiss to your temple. “Shall we get moving?”
“Something’s bothering you isn’t it.”
“No,” he chuckles, giving a gentle smile, but you only frown at him… once again he sees that you weren’t smiling at him
“I’m serious Sei, I want to get to know the real you,” you softly chastise, pinching his cheek. “So I also want you to speak your mind around me.”
“Oh ho… I see that your boldness is still very present here,” he says in referring to your touch.
“Oh my god, can you drop it already? That’s so embarrassing—I cussed you out one time… hey don’t change the subject!”
“Hmm…” he hums for a bit before he comes clean. “I’m afraid that I might not be the right person to be worthy by your side after hurting you for so long.”
“... What makes you think that?” He hesitates, for the first time, not being so sure of himself and his emotions; he immediately thinks of Izuki and your good chemistry with him but dismisses the thought
“... I just do not think I’m capable enough to make you happy.”
“But you are. I’m very giddy to be with you right now.”
“Even happier than when you are with… your teammates?”
“Huh?”
“I apologize,” he hurriedly says. “They are your friends. I was out of line to question them.”
“No, no, it’s okay. Talk it out to me.” He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you both continue to walk and browse through the shops, and you carefully watch Akashi while he’s examining a few souvenirs on the display, patient for him to continue talking
“... the point guard.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Seirin’s point guard.”
“Izuki-kun? What about him?”
“While I’m aware that you only spend your time with him as a good friend… I want to spend just as much of a koala-ty time with you whenever we have the chance.”
he... says this with the straightest face, and you’re utterly confused before you saw some animal plushies on the store window, and the the koala plush, and then the cogs started turning in your head
“... Did you just say a pun?”
“Was it not sufficient?”
a few moments of silence pass and Akashi thinks he did something wrong because he wanted to make you smile (HELP poor captain), before you break into hysterics
between your fits of broken laughs and wheezes, you managed to ask if he was jealous of Izuki, to which he wholeheartedly kept denying until you wouldn’t stop being persistent
you reassure him over and over that he doesn’t need to act like Izuki to make you happy, but it was a pleasant surprise to see Akashi crack a “joke” nonetheless
he’s a bit new to the concept of dating and is still quite unsure of how to navigate this PLEASE GIVE HIM TIME
the date that day was a success (some of the Seirin teammates TOTALLY weren’t spying on you mid-date or anything…)
while Seirin is okay with you dating, visiting Rakuzan ALONE with the scary-ass captain and his “CROONIES” (hint: the rest of the team LMAOO) IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY
RIKO AND HYUUGA are just like:
“What’s wrong with him coming here to visit you? Why do you gotta do the effort to visit him?”
“Uh… because I want to…”
“Yes, but who would you call to help over if something wrong happens? You’d be too far!”
“Uh, Akashi can help me if something happens.”
“With what, his scissors?” Kagami gives a deadpan look, and everyone turns to look at him in utter confusion LMAOOO like what does this redhead mean by SCISSORS???
Kuroko immediately jabs Kagami’s sides to silence him and smoothly changes the conversation before anyone asks any more questions about the “scissors” and potentially make them more reluctant to let you go
oh Kuroko, being the mediator and negotiator as always, trying to set some safety protocols for you to follow before everyone finally agrees to let you go see the infamous team alone
you know, Teppei is honestly just like, “Just go! Don’t worry about our (y/n) too much!”
Furihata is so concerned for your safety for valid reasons, but you reassure him that you won’t “die from the trip,” and no, this wouldn’t “be the last time” they’d see you before you leave
so when you stopped by Rakuzan’s gym after school after looking at the online maps, Hayama lets out a screech of terror before he starts pointing at you and calling you the “crazy ass chick” who tried to have a first-row seat ticket to death LOL
Hayama’s commotion brought everyone else’s attention to you, and Akashi was very surprised to see you all the way here
but he’s just standing at the back to watch how his teammates are reacting to you
Reo is the guy who would welcome you very warmly and would introduce you to the other team members who aren’t the starters, and he would actually ask if you were okay from last time
Nebuya is very laid back and throws a few muscle jokes much to Reo’s dismay, and he makes a comment about not you possibly not eating enough because at the time, he saw you almost tripping up your feet after you cussed out Akashi… he offers you his extra bowls if you ever feel hungry VERY SWEET GUY
Mayuzumi thinks you have balls, like who the fuck would come out alive after cussing out his captain but then COME BACK to said school of the captain… like why would you willingly walk back into the lion’s den??? so he thinks you’re dumb, but he has a shred of respect for you
Akashi is so amused at the spectacle and finally walks over to you after you noticed him
and he gives you an embrace and a chaste forehead kiss, and the entire gym goes silent
“Sei! I wanted to drop by as a surprise! Did you expect me?”
“Hm, I may have expected you to come sooner or later, but definitely not this quickly. Were transportation fees too much of a hassle?”
“Nope! I got everything covered! Do you want me to give you any chiropractic massages if you and your teammates need it?”
“You don’t need to do that, (y/n). You came here as a guest, not as a manager.”
“But…”
“Shhh, as soon as practice is done, I’ll take you anywhere you want in Kyotō. How does that sound?”
“Er… captain?” Reo holds up a hesitant finger to interrupt the two of you, while everyone else looks horrified at the sight of their captain looking serene
“Get a room, will you?” Mayuzumi only tuts in irritation while turning away to grab a nearby water bottle to down in one go
Nebuya merely stares in astonishment at the two of you, and his mind is thinking how the hell did you reel in this guy?
nah man, Hayama is GONE at this point: his brain has stopped functioning a while ago, and he’s standing there as stiff as a statue, scratching his head like a lost monkey // like he’s thinking how the fuck did this shit add up?? in his mind, he’s taking 2 plus 2 but it somehow ends up 94… that’s how he’s processing what he’s witnessing
the rest of the benchers and lower-string players are confused? who ARE you anyways?? Akashi?? dating??? that’s Rakuzan gossip of the century
TLDR; your first trip to Rakuzan may be awkward because the two of you stick out like a sore thumb, but eventually after multiple trips, the team slowly begins to consider you as one of their own
as per Akashi’s “suggestion” (hint: not a suggestion, but a strong recommendation), you were to be retreated with respect and kindness
why? Because Akashi never wants a repeat of the situation at Teiko ever again :(
as long as he is captain, and as long as he has the power and authority, he will do everything he can to make you happy and comfortable
don’t worry though, the Rakuzan starters are more than willing to punt any kid who talks shit about you
surprisingly, once Hayama comes around and accepts the fact that you were dating the captain, he’d be the most adamant and vocal protector, and he’s the one who shares the “inside tips and tricks” about the captain EEEE it’s so wholesome !!
the Rakuzan team is your certified bodyguard group, no debate
Reo might be the nosy mom who asks about who confessed first and the like…
the END, and I DO MEAN THE END THIS TIME
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jackrrabbit · 5 years ago
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practice makes perfect /// Mitsuri x f!Reader (18+)
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Request: Hey! I read your Shinobu NSFW thing. I was wondering if you could write a Mitsuri NSFW thing but not as intense? Like Mitsuri and her female S/o are cuddling and things get a really steamy so they start kissing and fingering each other? Please and thank you!
A/N: REPOSTING because when I posted this a few hours ago it was glitching and not showing up in tags and stuff :( sorry to anyone who has already seen it!
I love Mitsuri and I get so few f/f reqs so ty for the request 💕 Y’all know idk how to write true vanilla so this is a little more spicy (Mitsuri and reader are not in an established relationship), but I made it soft just for you anon
Summary: When the most popular girl in school offers to help you practice kissing, it’s not like you’re going to say no.
Tags/warnings: inexperienced reader, femme preppy Mitsuri, she’s a little soft dom? like just a tiny bit, mild orgasm control, fluffy smut, crushes, modern high school AU, heteronormativity, reader thinks she’s straight lmao, all characters are adults
Okay, Mitsuri isn’t just the queen bee of your school. She’s also the prettiest girl you’ve ever met. It shouldn’t be possible for a person to be that beautiful, much less fair—what was god thinking when he gave her that pink and green hair that would look clownish on anyone but her? Those thick, dark eyelashes framing eyes you feel like you could drown in? Those long, perfect legs?
(Not that you stare at her legs or something. It’s just—your school uniform skirts are kind of short, and she always wears those striped thigh-highs, and she sits next to you in senior Biology and sometimes she stretches her legs out in the aisle between your desks and flexes them while she sighs during long lectures, and seriously, her legs are perfect.)
Mitsuri is the kind of girl who gets asked out by a different guy every other day. She has a fan club. Boys write Mr. _____ Kanroji in their notebooks, circle it with hearts, and fantasize about marrying her. She has more ex-boyfriends than you have Facebook friends. So you’re really sure why, somehow, you two have become…close?
If you have to, you can trace your friendship back to that Biology class. The teacher has a bad habit of cold-calling students for answers to questions, which makes him pretty unpopular. You’ve gotten used to it over the months, deciding that rebelling is a less productive method of dealing with it than just making sure to review the textbook chapters at least twice before every class, but apparently Mitsuri isn’t quite as familiar with the material.
When the teacher calls on her (a bit vindictively, you think, probably because she’s chewing pink bubblegum and drawing cherry blossoms in the composition book she’s supposed to be taking notes in) to ask her something about determining whether an organism’s life cycle exhibits zygotic, gametic, or sporic meiosis, she just gapes blankly back at him.
You feel sorry for her. It’s always painful to watch when someone can’t answer a question in class—you might be a fairly good student, but you still sympathize with how embarrassing it is to be put on the spot like that. The teacher refuses to move on, repeating her name and prodding her until her face is flushed bright pink and her lower lip is trembling. You’re not trying to pity her, but you can’t help it, and before you can think better of it you’re writing ‘compare diploid and haploid forms’ in the corner of your notebook and surreptitiously sliding it her way.
After the class, she pulls you aside in the hallway to thank you, eyes bright, telling you you’re so smart and kind and thoughtful and wondering how come she’s never talked to you before. “What a waste! We sat next to each other all semester, and I’m only getting to know you now.”
No wonder she’s popular. Her exuberance is infectious, like her good mood is seeping into your skin from her hand wrapped around yours. Mitsuri isn’t just pretty, she’s the kind of person who makes you feel good about herself just by being near her.
You’re about 100% sure that’s the last time the two of you will talk (unless she needs help with Bio homework and decides you’re the best candidate to get answers from). But it’s not. Mitsuri insists on treating you to boba after class—you try to deny her but she refuses to hear it and you can’t say no to her when she looks at you with those pretty jade-chip eyes. You get milk tea with black tapioca pearls swimming in caramelized fried sugar; her drink is jasmine rose fruit tea with tiny cubes of green apple floating at the top. “It looks like your hair,” you tell her, motioning toward the pink-and-green drink.
“Really?” Mitsuri’s cheeks turn red, which you notice is a frequent occurrence for her. “That’s why I got it. Isn’t it cute? I love how pretty all of the drinks are at this teahouse.”
The two of you split a little matcha cake. And then a vanilla taro cake. And then Mitsuri orders sweet potato fries and gyoza and fried chicken and shrimp tempura and wow, this girl can eat. “I kind of have a big appetite,” she tells you shyly some time around her fourth order of hanami dango. “Sorry, is it weird?”
“Not at all! It’s cute,” you blurt out, and then immediately cover your mouth. Cute? Where did that come from? That’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to be saying to a girl you barely even know, or is it? Maybe you’re overthinking this. Mitsuri is so beautiful it’s hard to think straight around her.
You’re so busy staring down at your lap and blushing that you don’t notice she’s doing the same thing.
Mitsuri seems to take that teashop date hangout as permission to pursue a full-fledged friendship with you. Before you know it, she’s inviting herself over to your house after school, dragging you to cafés and picnics to study together on the weekends, and begging you to sit with her at lunch. Her other friends don’t seem thrilled at your being her favorite new playmate, but she doesn’t mind it so you try not to, either.
Like right now. It’s a weekend, and she’s decided that her house is going to be the setting for an overnight Bio study session slash sleepover in anticipation of the test you have coming up. You’re scouring the textbook for an answer at her desk while Mitsuri lies on her stomach on her bed with her feet kicked up behind her and crossed at the ankles. Graded quizzes are spread out in an arc around her on the cotton candy-colored duvet, and the sparkly gel pen she’s using to write flash cards is poking out of the corner of her mouth. With her fair skin barely covered by a tank top and shorts, loose hair flowing over her back, and dark brows furrowed in concentration, she looks like the centerfold of a teen magazine from the 90s.
I bet guys have wet dreams about her, you think. Then you shut down that line of thinking, shut it all the way down because you’re not supposed to be thinking these things about a female friend, no matter how pretty she is or how glossy her lips look even though she’s just wearing chapstick or how good she smells (like strawberries? honey? or whatever sweet she ate last, you’re not sure). But you can’t quite tamp down the feeling that you’ve stumbled on some unbelievable luck to get close to her.
You’re not the only one having trouble focusing on your studies. “I’m done with this!” Mitsuri exclaims, throwing down her pen so it makes a stray line on the quiz she was reviewing before it bounces off the bed. “I’m so tired of studying, aren’t you? If I learn another thing about cell division my brain is going to explode. Can’t we take a break?”
“Sure, if you want to get another 43%. Didn’t your dad say he’s going to stop paying your snack food fund if you fail one more exam?”
Her pink mouth drops open. “Hey! That’s not fair, I didn’t tell you that to use it against me. Be nice.”
But after a second, Mitsuri’s pout turns into a giggle. She hooks her foot around the stem of the office chair you’re sitting in and pulls it toward the bed along with you. “Come on! Let’s talk about love. Do you have a crush?”
You roll your eyes but relent, sliding off the chair and onto the big, fluffy bed next to Mitsuri. You can always get back to reviewing after you take a short break, right? She gathers up the quizzes and notecards and dumps them unceremoniously on the nightstand by her bed to make space for you, all too eager to stop thinking about Bio.
“I don’t have a crush,” you tell her.
“Really? There’s no one you think is cute? No one you want to get to know a little better?”
Well…if that’s what she means… You glance sideways at her. There’s definitely someone you think is cute who you want to get to know better. She doesn’t have to know it’s her—not that you have a crush on her; that would be ridiculous.
If she’s going to get that excited about your potential crush, how are you supposed to tell her you don’t have one? You’ll just have to pretend, for her sake. “I guess there’s someone. I wouldn’t call it love, but…”
Long black lashes flutter up at you as Mitsuri blinks. “Oh my gosh, who is it?”
“It’s a secret,” you say quickly.
“Aww, but I wanna know who you have a crush on!” She scooches closer to you and pokes you gently in the side. “Do I know him? Is he a senior? What does he look like? What do you like about him?”
“Um yeah, you know…him. He’s a senior but you’ll never—seriously never guess who it is, so don’t even try. He’s…really good-looking, I don’t know. He has nice hair…and, um, nice legs. And he…” you trail off, wondering what you can say about your secret ‘crush’ that won’t tip Mitsuri off that you’re talking about her.
“…I like him. He talks a lot but you can tell he cares about what you’re saying when he’s listening to you. He’s kind of dreamy and self-conscious about dumb things but it just makes me like him more.”
Was that too much? Mitsuri is looking into your eyes in pure rapture, holding onto every word you say. Are you being obvious? But—no way. She’s so loved by guys that she’d never even suspect that a girl could like her too.
Not that you like her. Not like that, at least.
After a moment when you feel your heart beating so deeply that you’re sure she can hear it too, she smiles sweetly and pinches your cheek. “You’re really pretty when you’re talking about your crush, (Y/N). You look like a maiden.”
You bite your lip, not sure whether to be embarrassed or flattered. If any other girl as beautiful as Mitsuri called you pretty, you’d think they were being insincere, but she’s not like that. Her genuine affection shines through in everything she does. If you’re pretty, she’s Helen of Troy.
“What do you mean, ‘a maiden’?” you ask.
“I don’t know,” Mitsuri says, tracing invisible hearts into her bedspread with a fingertip. “You just look…innocent somehow? Like this is your first love.”
You duck down, blushing.
“Wait, really?” She sits up and easily flips you over onto your back (sometimes you forget that a decade of cheerleading has made her at least a dozen times as strong as you are) so she can blink brightly at you. “This is your first love? Ooh…”
“Is that so weird?” you ask a little defensively. “I don’t get a lot of crushes.”
“No, it’s not weird! It’s cute,” Mitsuri says. “But aren’t you nervous? What if you fall in love with him and you guys start dating and you don’t know how to do anything?”
“Do what?”
“You know. Like, kissing and stuff. Aren’t you worried that you’ll have your first kiss with him and he’ll be like, ‘oh my gosh, you can’t even kiss, I don’t like you anymore’.”
“No one would say that,” you reply, but the scenario does strike a pang of anxiousness in your heart. You’ve always been too focused on school and friends and family to bother worrying about love, but the truth is you have worried about the fact that you’re soon going to be a high school graduate who has never so much as kissed another person on the lips.
“You have no idea,” Mitsuri sighs. “Boys are so mean. But I can’t believe you haven’t had your first kiss!”
“That’s rude,” you say, wrinkling your nose.
She flaps her hands in the air frantically. “No, no I didn’t mean it like that! Sorry! I just meant I can’t believe you’ve never had a boyfriend when you’re so pretty and nice. The boy who locks you down is going to feel super lucky that he gets to take all of your firsts.”
You sit up next to Mitsuri and lean back on her cushioned headboard. “I don’t care about that. Honestly, I’d rather have some practice before I get involved with anyone.”
A beat passes. Then— “Really? You want practice?”
You shrug. “I mean, I guess? But it’s not like I can just pick up some random guy and tell him to let me practice kissing.”
Mitsuri cocks her head to the side and long pink fringe falls away from her face. “You don’t need to do that. Just practice with me.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” What, is she going to give you tips on tongue technique or something?
“…Like this,” Mitsuri says softly—and then her delicate hand is stroking up the side of your jaw and carding into your hair, tilting your head to face hers and pulling you closer. She hesitates before she makes contact, looking in your eyes as if to confirm are you okay with this? But (maybe because you’re caught off guard, maybe because you think you do need the practice, or maybe because that angelic strawberry-honey smell is way too intoxicating up close) you don’t stop her, and she leans in and completes the kiss.
It’s soft. Smells sweet. Tastes sweeter.
Mitsuri’s lips are velvety and glossy-damp moving against yours. The scent you thought was honey is really honeysuckle—there’s a fresh floral quality to the taste as her lip balm is transferred from her mouth to yours.
The kiss only lasts a few seconds, but by the time she lifts back from you your lips are tingling. You cover your mouth with your hand like a damsel from a Victorian-era novel and stare wide-eyed at her.
“How was that? Your first kiss?”
“I—um, I liked it I think?”
Mitsuri smiles at you and it’s like a ray of sunlight falling down through a break in the clouds. “Yay! I’m glad.”
The two of you sit in silence for a second, and you wonder what you’re supposed to do now. Go back to studying? You’re not sure you’re capable of that when you feel like she’s…still kissing you. It hasn’t quite hit you yet that this is your first kiss—something special, something you’ll never forget. The feeling of Mitsuri kissing you is going to be written on your heart for the rest of your life.
What have I done? you think, but it’s not condemnatory. It’s a question, maybe neutral, maybe hopeful.
“Come on, come here,” Mitsuri says. “You need a little more practice.”
And then she’s kissing you again, all the while pulling you closer, closer, into her lap. She breaks the kiss just long enough to murmur to you to open your mouth. When you do, her tongue slips in, prodding gently between your lips and sliding up against yours. It’s a weird feeling—you can’t say with certainty that it feels good, but it doesn’t feel bad, either. It feels like something you could get used to.
This kiss is longer and deeper, and Mitsuri is sighing into the place where your lips meet. The kissing sounds are both embarrassing and thrilling. You can hardly believe that you’re actually doing this, kissing Mitsuri Kanroji in her bedroom and sitting in her lap with your thighs hovering over hers because you’re scared to let yourself press any deeper into her.
By the fourth kiss, you think you’re getting the hang of this. Your fingers are laced in Mitsuri’s hair, pulling her bangs out of the way so you can see her face clearly. Her eyes are hazy and intense, a warm glow suffusing her cheeks, and her lips are reddened. The feeling of not knowing whether you like having her tongue in your mouth or not is gone. You like it. You want more of it. You could do this all day.
…But apparently Mitsuri has something else in mind. She moves back and looks at you like she’s got a secret she’s dying to tell you. Her hands slide up your thighs, almost reaching the hem of the skirt you’re wearing—it’s knee-length, comfortable and practical for the weather—but with your legs spread over hers, the fabric is bunched up at the juncture of your hips and legs, exposing your thighs to view. Mitsuri’s fingernails (manicured, short blunt French tips, pale pink with stripes of gold near the nail bed) scratch painlessly into your skin. “You learn really fast, (Y/N).”
“Thanks…” you pant out.
“Can I do a little more? Just a little. ‘Cause, I mean, I don’t know if you’ve ever done this yourself—”
Oh. Oh? Mitsuri’s hand is creeping up under your skirt.
“—but it’s really good to have some experience with this, too, before you do anything with boys.”
She’s touching your pussy through your underwear. Those pretty manicured hands are stroking you through the fabric, fingertips sliding up between your lips with practiced precision. Oh god, can she feel how wet you are? You’ve felt that dewy heat growing at your core for a while, but you didn’t think she would touch you and feel it. “Mitsuri?”
“Are you already wet?” Two soft fingers pet your clit, moving over it side to side through your panties. “Did you get wet for me?”
“Mm—mm—Mitsuri…”
“Can I touch?” She pops her chin up and kisses you on the cheek, and then again on the other cheek, the side of your mouth, your forehead, all the while rubbing your pussy.
On the sixth teasing little kiss, you gasp and kiss her fully on the lips. “…okay?”
“Good…” Mitsuri smoothly pushes your ass up so she can hook fingers under the waistband of your panties and tug them down past your hips. You shift and let her do it—it feels like her touch is too hot, sending trails of warmth over every place where your skin meets. Her touch lingers even as you awkwardly straighten out of her lap for just as long as it takes to remove your panties and deposit them gracelessly on the floor.
Are you doing this right? Even with your shirt and skirt on, you feel more exposed than you’ve ever been in front of another person. You’ve never done anything remotely like this before—how weird is it that the first person to touch you is going to be a female friend? That you’re not doing this for the right reasons (and what are the ‘right reasons’? love? intimacy? desire?), but for practice?
Mitsuri settles you back onto her lap and slowly drags your shirt up over your bra. When the undergarment is exposed, she bites her bottom lip and sucks in a breath, and you feel eternally grateful that you, by some coincidence or trick of fate, decided to wear one of your nicer bras today. She cups the side of your breasts and runs her thumbs over the lacy wine-red fabric. “Beautiful…you’re so sexy, (Y/N). I can’t believe I get you all to myself.”
Your cheeks feel hot. Maybe desire is part of the equation after all.
Leaving your shirt bunched up over your tits, Mitsuri returns to your pussy, petting over your thighs and stroking up your mound. Her index finger dabs into the wetness leaking out of you and then circles around your clit.
Around your clit, not on it. If you didn’t know better, you’d think she’s deliberately not touching the place where you want— need to be touched. Her fingers are light and fluttery, not forceful in the least but making you crave more anyway. You try not to let your hips move, but before long you’re twitching on her fingers, trying to get her to do what you want. Your hands are braced uselessly on the headboard, but you hesitantly pick up your right hand to replace hers and touch your clit properly.
She isn’t having it. Her free hand catches yours before you can do anything. “Arms around my neck,” she tells you.
It’s frustrating to be unable to touch yourself when she just keeps building and building with these little flutters, but you trust her. Mitsuri’s a lot more experienced than you are. Slowly, you wrap your arms around her neck and wind your fingers into her loose hair.
Whatever she’s doing, though, it’s working. Even if you couldn’t feel how wet you are, you’d be able to hear it, the slick sucking sounds of your cunt dampened with your arousal. You’d be humiliated by the way it’s so obvious that you’re turned on if you were cable of thinking straight. Besides, Mitsuri doesn’t mind—at least not judging by the way she’s looking at you.
“Mitsuri…Mitsuri, can you…” You don’t know how to ask her, but you need more.
“Tell me what you want me to do.” Two fingers brush over your clit again and you almost flinch, the light contact sending a spark directly through you. “Tell me what you do when you do this by yourself.”
“I…um…it’s embarrassing…”
“It’s not embarrassing.” Mitsuri lays a short peck on your cheek. “Do you know how pretty you look? I could fall in love with you right now.”
It’s not serious. It’s just the kind of thing Mitsuri says without thinking, but your heart skips a beat anyway. “Touch—a little harder…”
“Where?”
“You know where!” you tell Mitsuri, with as much bite as you can muster.
Mitsuri smiles. “Here?” She pushes a finger into your pussy and you whimper. “Or…here?”
And she’s touching your clit, rubbing over it quickly and franticly, the first direct contact you’ve had since she started. The muscles in your back tense, legs stiffening, toes curling in your fluffy white socks. “Oh— oh, oh, oh— Mitsuri…”
“Does that feel good?”
After all her teasing, it feels more than good. It’s like you’re being filled up with something, some kind of heat that her fingers are bringing out in you, and it’s about to tip over and spill out. You rock your cunt against her fingers, trying to get her to go harder—but she’s already rubbing against you so quickly that you can’t think straight.
Two fingers slip deeper into your pussy, spreading you apart and pumping your slick cunt while her palm provides sloppy stimulation to your clit. You mewl and fall forward onto her, head thrown over her shoulder, so you can feel the vibration of her soft laughter in your chest. “Do you like it? I can tell…you know, your insides are holding me really tight….”
How does she say such dirty things with that pretty mouth? You’d tell her off if you thought you could speak without moaning. “Unff…mmm…”
“I’m going to make you cum, baby,” Mitsuri hums. “You’re going to cum on my fingers, okay?”
She’s right. You’re about to tip over that edge, overflow, get off with Mitsuri fucking you with two fingers twisting and hitting your g-spot and sliding over you so deliciously that you don’t even care that all of this is wrong. “I’m— I’m cumming—“
“Uh-uh.” Mitsuri’s hand stops, still touching but no longer moving, and the heat in your pussy plateaus and then dips.
You’re so frustrated you want to scream. “Mitsuri…!”
“Can you do something for me?” She resumes the teasing movements from before, edging over your clit but not finishing it. “Tell me who you really like.”
“What?”
“I know you like me.” Her free hand, around your waist, slides up and presses her thumb into the divot between two vertebrae in your spine. “When you were talking about your crush, I know it’s me. Tell me you like me.”
“I—I don’t—“
“No, you do. You like me. Say it. Say it, and I’ll let you cum. You want to cum, don’t you? You need it? I’m going to give you what you need, so tell me you like me…”
It’s not like she’s being cruel. Mitsuri’s tone is as sweet and kind and caring as ever. Her pace is agonizingly slow and she’s right, you need it. You’re lucky your chin is resting on her shoulder because you wouldn’t be able to stand it if she saw the look on your face as you choke out, “I like…I like you, Mitsuri! I like you!”
“I like you too, (Y/N),” Mitsuri gasps, and then her fingers are moving again, rubbing your clit, making you crazy, and it’s only a second but you want it so bad that you only need a second before you— you’re— you’re falling apart—
“Mitsuri!”
Oh god. Oh god. It feels good, it feels crazy. You can’t think. You can feel the muscles in your pussy squeezing down intermittently on her fingers. She holds you still as the shocks race up through you, letting you twitch and convulse in her arms.
“See now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Mitsuri sings in your ear.
It takes you a long moment to get the strength to sit up, flopping bonelessly backward on her thighs so you can look her in the eye. “I don’t know,” you sigh finally. “Wasn’t exactly easy.”
Her eyes close when she smiles. “Don’t worry about it. You just need a little more practice.”
2K notes · View notes
khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago
Note
HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK
IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)
OK OK OK OK OK OK
MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES
He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.
THIS
I literally live my life by this analogy
AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM
SCREAM
well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide
“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.
“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”
Me.
Wait
does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?
like
demon parent
ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit
ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year
Max was always hungry.
this is so me
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
TY
THEY MENTIONED TY
also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.
max is such a mood
He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.
HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE
“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.
At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.
DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH
PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON
KIT CALLED TESSA MOM
oh my god
Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.
JACE
I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael
“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.
UH-
WELL-
DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT
STOP IT
OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE
MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-
takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY
AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE
The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.
The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.
The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.
The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.
And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.
This omg...
He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.
But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.
HEY
DON'T THINK LIKE THAT
The first part though
same
He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.
SO TRUE
“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.
He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.
honey...
take a guess
can I jump in and bash their heads together?
“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.
“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.
Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.
OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS
“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.
They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.
can I have chocolate syrup?
also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM
“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.
David blinked. That was uncalled for.
But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”
exactly you rude little shit
Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.
wow ok stop calling me out
Is max jealous??????
is he??????
how are people so good at languages like damn
TY
TY
TY
TY
“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”
LMAO
using mundane medicine...
that's risky
but it's also something that WILL help
can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?
A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.
alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well
some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.
alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D
Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.
yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.
“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”
his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.
The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.
LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-
Rafe: I am anxiety.
me at any given moment
EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-
ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things
“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.
“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”
“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.
I like her.
"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher
me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT
“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”
“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.
“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”
if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-
you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml
“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
MAX WHERE ARE YOU
why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on
“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”
GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK
we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing
The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.
But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.
life's boring
fuck life
I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????
“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”
He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.
He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.
So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.
“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”
The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.
It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.
I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)
this is so beautiful
“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”
David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”
what flowers would you like at your funeral?
so Jackson has family troubles
I've definitely got that
yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family
JACKSON WTF
Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???
oh hell no
JACKSON THE AUDACITY
“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”
kit seriously? but is he wrong though?
“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.
WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE
Jackson...
in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things
There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.
“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.
MAGNUS
NOT.THE.TIME
(me too)
“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”
yup that's Jace y'all
David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.
But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.
“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”
“Use my words?” David asked.
“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.
and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.
I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place
okay...that was long
ANYWAY
“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”
“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”
LMAO ALEC
Jackson...
oh
oh
oh
I was wrong then
He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.
that must have been fun
Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.
well-
“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”
someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others
but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either
“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”
“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.
“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”
that is much much worse
Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.
oh my god
he gets it
I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much
no one understands when I try to tell them that
you get it...
someone gets it finally
AYYY IRENE
“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”
The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.
“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.
David is the nicest you can get
David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.
we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-
BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS
“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”
“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.
I remember that bitch
David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.
But the pain was still very real.
OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW
“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.
“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”
you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?
I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved
and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone
“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”
“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.
Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”
they really do
He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.
YES GET THEM THERAPY
“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”
“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.
“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”
damn guys
Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.
YS DO IT
“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”
“I guess not,” the boy said.
“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”
we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird
“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”
THIS
I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present
“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”
“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.
“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”
you survived. that's what matters
“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.
I wish I had heard this before...
maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.
I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other
David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.
They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.
And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.
they survived.
I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.
“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.
“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”
David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”
“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”
oh to have someone write me letters.
I love writing letters
once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...
I threw them all away :)
but writing letters is superior
I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone
if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship
oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS
It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.
this is why i shouldn't send asks-
JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID
“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”
“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.
“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”
"wanker"
I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER
AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN
WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"
Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.
“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.
how many years has this fake dating been going on...
CENTURION SELENA
fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.
"went looking for his heart"
OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS
MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN
And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.
Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.
oh my god that's a parallel from canon
“Tell me why.”
“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"
Max-
Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.
Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.
he is so talented...
Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.
EXACTLY
He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”
David chuckled. “Next week?”
next week????
“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.
Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.
this keeps on getting better
“It’s my hair!” David laughed.
“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”
MY DAVID
MY DAVID
MY DAVID
“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”
Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”
“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”
they were SO close to kissing
I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT
Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.
remember who you are. remember where you stand...
I know this is supposed to be about portals.
OH MY GOD THEY KISSED
THEY KISSED
IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED
OH MY GOD DAVID FELL
reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-
OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM
WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF
ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!
Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE
This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.
And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-
FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)
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closer-stars · 4 years ago
Text
Gut Feeling (4)
Member: San Genre: Angst???? Just a lot of discomfort and tension tbh Word Count: 12k (what the actual--) Requested: Yes Content: Like what I said, lots of discomfort in this. Anyways yay tension. Food mention bec people need to eat. Idol life is messy as heck. :flashes a peace sign through the stress: Also roughly around last few weeks of inception going thanxx promotions lmao  Note: One month later, Part 4 is here. Apologies for the late delivery, my mental health really took a dive with everything happening lately. Things are kind of looking up but not entirely. Also this idea really marinated in my head that’s why it’s so long... So much you could do with this prompt tbh. TY to @hwaberrykiwi @yeocult @yeochikin and @barsformars for dealing with out of the blue messages regarding this fic when I was writing-- disregarding the weeks long silence from me.... hahah ily i’ll link the previous parts after a day just so this could appear in the tags lol
Part 3
The past few days have been quiet. Nothing came up between the two of you since that night. Nothing came up but things have quieted down. You can only suppose that it’s because of how exhausting it has been. At least that’s what you think when you try to rationalize it to the strained schedules getting to him now. That’s the only way you’ve been able to keep yourself together in front of everyone, by rationalizing everything that feels off with exhaustion. 
It works to a degree. The makeup covers up the lack of sleep beneath their eyes but it can’t add to the needed sparkle in their eyes. That’s where the ring lights come in. Everything physical can be fixed with makeup and lighting, that’s what the industry does. But emotional? That’s another thing altogether. 
Things were technically smooth sailing despite the chaos. You still go home late, just not for the usual reasons. You still go home late when the members stay late in the studio but that isn’t often at this point. They’re still human, they need rest. On the other hand, Hongjoong still goes to the studio though not to the point where Seonghwa has to pester him to go home. You bring Hongjoong home often now. During this leg of promotions, it’s Yoon who brings them to the first half of their schedules, Bae brings them to the second half-- it’s not easy waking up at 4am just to bring eight boys to their schedules. You’re in charge when it comes to the late night schedules. At least this way, you don’t have to talk to them since they’re too worn from the day’s activities. 
Hongjoong sits on the passenger seat next to you, busy eating the dinner you had bought for him. The ride home is quiet, just him munching on his much needed meal and the ice cubes in your respective drinks. 
“Manager-nim?” He speaks up carefully. 
You hum in response, still not tearing your eyes away from the road. 
“Has San been okay?” 
That catches you off guard for a moment. “As far as I know, yes? Did something happen?” Something that didn’t revolve around _that_. 
He sips on his coffee for a moment, mulling over your words. “He’s just been in his head more often nowadays, I thought he might have talked to you about what’s on his mind.” He reasons softly against the lid of his cup. Now he’s not the type to force his members to talk to him about their issues, they do have a day where they gather and talk about concerns from the past week and the upcoming week. Despite that, there are some worries that can’t wait for the weekly session. 
You hum in thought. That’s not good. “He hasn’t told me anything.” You return. How can he? He’s often at the farthest end of the car, slumped over catching up on rest. “Is there something I need to be aware of, Hongjoong?” 
Your words cause him to laugh thoughtfully. “You’d think because I’m the leader, I’d know what’s on their minds…” He starts. “I don’t know what’s on his mind, much less know what could have happened. If he does tell you something that I might need to know...” He trails off, but you understand where he’s trying to get. 
“I know.” You return gently. You had your doubts that he’d talk about it, especially to you. “Don’t push yourself too hard on it regardless. Though, I do think he talks to Seonghwa or Wooyoung about these kinds of stuff doesn’t he?”
“That’s true.” You can tell that the air in the car has eased a little and with that the rest of the drive has turned quiet. 
Upon arriving home, Hongjoong slides off his seat, rearranging his things. Considering the two of you lived in the same building, it was still the two of you on the way up. Perhaps San learned this habit from his hyungs? 
Now that you think of it, you wonder how San has been. You know how tired he is when there’s no cameras around but still he gives so much for the team.
“Manager-nim?” He says carefully while the two of you wait for the elevator to bring you to your designated floors. You respond with a soft hum. “If the boys start to act up, please tell me. I know you’re the manager but sometimes they get too much to handle, I can keep them in line too.” His words cause the corner of your lips to quirk upwards, touched by his worry. 
“It’s okay, Hongjoong. I can still handle you boys.” You tease lightly as you shake off his concern lightly. When the elevator alerts the two of you that you had arrived at his floor, that’s when he realizes that you didn’t press your floor number.
“Hey--!” It’s moments like this that remind you that they’re the youngest in their families. At his complaint, you shoo him off.
“Come on, Hongjoong. You need your rest more than I do.” You wave him off, chuckling at his shocked expression. Maybe being someone who works behind the scenes had its perks even outside the work environment. He pouts at you, unable to argue and he bids you good night, thanking you for the safe trip. 
--------
He arrives at the dorm, which was mostly peaceful save for the frantic clicking of the mouse and keyboard tapping. At least there wasn’t much yelling but he didn’t need to peek into their rooms to know that the guys were playing an intense League match. When he gets to his room, he’s greeted by Seonghwa doing his usual home training. At least he had a shirt on this time. 
“I thought today was your rest day.” He said as he hangs his bag on the corner of his bed. 
The other, still in the middle of a plank, manages to rasp out. “Habits. Hold on.” 
Hongjoong lets him finish his set as he changes into something more fitting for sleep. From the way his hair sticks to his skin, Hongjoong could only guess that this was probably his last set for the night. “Go shower first stinky. We can talk after.” 
Seonghwa looks at his roommate in a mix of fake insult and annoyance. “Say that to me after you do your laundry.” 
He looks at his laundry that seems to agree with Seonghwa. He carries the basket to their washing machine. “Now go stinky.” He repeats much to the other’s dismay, already loading it into the machine. 
After Seonghwa has done his usual lengthy shower-- seriously what does he even do? The two fill the other on how the past few hours went. Particularly, the talks with San and you. 
Seonghwa starts it as he dries his hair with his towel. “San didn’t really say much. He was pretty vague about it, something about feelings and something about wanting a re-do.” It’s usually like that at the start for San, he noticed. Always at a loss for words until he lets himself be alone. Regardless, if there’s something he and Hongjoong have, it’s the sixth sense when it comes to the members. 
The leader hums in response. It was a bit of an expected move from the younger one to keep to himself, he does see a little of himself in that kid. He wasn’t that successful in his conversation with you either. “Yeah, they didn’t really say anything with me either.” He does recount to the best of his memory the entire conversation. 
The two of them sit in silence, both concerned over how this could affect the group. Seonghwa then sits up, eyes shining with alarm. “I think he confessed to them.” 
Hongjoong stares at him, dumbfounded by how he reached that conclusion until he remembers how the members often tease him when you’re not around-- he didn’t really join in on it. How he seems to show off a little more whenever you’re around. It’s to the point he even waits for you after you park the car, none of them even do that. He buries his face in his hands, he knows how San takes rejection so harshly. It’s one of the reasons that propelled that boy to dance like his life depended on it. “And I’m guessing, they didn’t accept the confession.” 
The words make the oldest wince. “Choi San….” Seonghwa groans, dropping his body onto his bed. The two of them realize that there’s a situation on hand and they’re not really sure if the other boys know. Some of them could, some of them might not. “We should probably ask Yunho or Wooyoung if he has said anything in the near future.” 
Hongjoong nods at the suggestion, suddenly too exhausted to say anything else. “Let’s just get some sleep for now. We still have one more leg of Inception promotions this coming week.” 
Seonghwa switches the lights off, knowing full well that once Hongjoong’s in bed, there’s no getting him out of it unless it’s the next day. “Sleep well stinky.” 
“Whatever.” 
-------- The Inception promotions end without a hitch… well as smoothly as it can. Considering that there’s now a quiet lull in between the promotions, the boys have been using the time to clean the choreography and eat. It’s not ATEEZ if there’s no food. You only entered the studio towards the end of their practice, slipping quietly to sit next to their stylist and Manager Bae as they fixed the last changes for their performances. The rest of the members are walking around the studio, breathing heavily after what was probably their nth run of their next promotions.
“You’re bringing them home?” You ask him as the stylists show you the plans for their clothes. You’ve seen some of these fits during the photoshoots and music video shoots but some of these were a first. You were sure the boys would look good in these. You take note of the changes, taking a few photos of the sets to transfer to your laptop.
He hums in affirmation, too busy keeping note of the changes they discussed while you were gone. You notice San’s the only one on the floor, everyone else already packing up their things. 
“Are you going to stay late tonight?” You ask him, as he’s still on the floor, too exhausted to pull himself up. 
“Probably not, I promised Yunho I’d play a few matches of League with him.” Silence falls on the two of you, either one unsure of how to continue the conversation, much less on how to end it. Why did you expect him to stay? For more, why did that make you feel a little heavy? 
“Ah.” It was the only thing you could think of at that moment. 
Your reply causes a pit in his stomach to sink. Without thinking, he returns the question for the sake of conversation, even though there was no point in it. He doesn’t know why he still wants to talk to you, knowing that talking to you only puts more strain to him. “Are you?”
At his question, you nod. A flash of confusion on your eyes that are immediately pushed aside for the sake of professionalism. “Yeah, I have to assist in the deals with the externals team. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You don’t give him another word, opting to end the conversation with a polite bow before making your way to the office. It wasn’t the whole truth, nor was it a whole lie. Regardless, you tear your eyes away from him.
Silence trails behind you and keeps San company for the next few moments. He winces to himself, not liking how things are going between the two of you. He pulls himself up when Yunho calls for him. 
On the way out, you’re greeted by Seonghwa’s figure waiting for the rest of the boys. “Oh, hello Seonghwa.” You say out of surprise. “Not grabbing something to drink from 7/11?” 
His eyebrows raise, not expecting someone to greet him at this time of the night. “Manager-nim!” He greets you with a tired smile. “Are you going home soon?” He asks, standing a little straighter this time. “And, I think we have enough drinks at home…” he mumbles though it doesn’t sound that convincing to you. 
His question makes you smile a bit, but you shake your head at his question. “Unfortunately no. I have to do additional work to do with the externals.” 
His eyes widen at your words. “Did we get more offers?” 
His words make you mull over your thoughts. You know of one offer that’s already confirmed but you doubt they’ve been informed. “Let’s just say, you’re really staying true to the whole Back to Zero hint you’ve pulled during your Crescent Party.” You say with a chuckle. 
He doesn’t get enough time to understand the hint you give him-- a taste of their own medicine towards ATINYs when they ask for hints. Wooyoung’s already calling him annoying nicknames to get him moving and you chuckle at the pained expression on his features. “Go home, Seonghwa. Don’t want Wooyoung to annoy you more. You’ll know this once the deals are finalized.” You bid him goodbye, sparing the boys a wave before retreating to your office. 
--------
It’s already the middle of the second leg of promotions and you’re already at your last leg of energy. You probably need around two to three days to recover properly, at this rate. For now, you try to continue forward, the finish line is oh so near. You slip into the studio, not surprised to see the lights still on, but surprised to still hear ATEEZ at this hour. It’s a familiar sight in front of you: eight tired boys on the floor or slumped against the wall. Those with enough energy throw any apprehension out the window and change their tops in the studio. 
“Are you staying late in the studio tonight?” You ask San as you check the time. The boys are already getting ready to head home, San on the other hand hasn’t moved an inch. He’s in his thoughts as he stares at his bag. Your question, though, brings him out of his head and he picks up himself up. It was a question out of habit, months of having done it over and over, it was still a challenge to curb such actions. 
“Yeah. I need to clean my levels.” It only made sense that you’d bring home since you practically live under the same roof. Were you expecting him to say otherwise? Slightly. He doesn’t look at you but he makes his way to the computer again. 
“San! You’re still staying?!” Yunho exclaims, he’s the last out the door to which San acts as if it was a normal thing. 
He laughs at the shock on his member’s face. “Relax, I didn’t like my levels in the last run so I’m doing it again. Go ahead though, Manager-nim’s bringing me home.” 
“Heyy, we all know that means you’re spending another three hours.” The taller returns with a whine. 
You watch the two banter, a small hint of amusement quirking at your lips but you immediately squash that. You tip your head to quietly bring the attention back to what’s at hand. “Just tell me when you’re done, San. I’ll be at the office.” Without missing a beat, you excuse yourself out of the studio. Two pairs of eyes following your retreating figure until you disappear from their sight.
Once you leave, Yunho looks back at the male with a raised brow. “San.” 
The other makes a disgruntled sound at the tone of his voice. He knows what that means but he just can’t get himself to talk to you still. The taller male leaves him be and his shoulders fall once he’s left alone. No matter how many times he runs the choreography does he find himself satisfied with his performance. He can’t put his 100% into this when a part of him still lingers in thoughts of you. The song still plays on loop but he stops dancing for a moment, trying to bring himself into slowly going through each count to focus on what needs to be addressed. It goes well for the most part but in moments where he needs to catch his breath, to ease his parched throat, his mind stumbles to you. He looks at the clock on the computer screen. 
At least he didn’t hit the three hour mark that Yunho betted on. 
He changes into something less uncomfortable than a sweaty shirt before stepping out of the now dark studio in search of you. He sees the office not too far from where he is; he takes a deep breath, one that he associates with exhaustion rather than apprehension as he walks to where you said you’d be. 
He peeks into the office, seeing you with your fingers threaded to your hair as you write and pause for a moment to shift to your laptop. He stays there for a moment, watching you work in your own zone. He watches you work from time to time, but rarely does he see you scowl at your work. The way your eyebrows furrow at what’s in front of you makes him ponder over what could be giving you a hard time. Maybe he should’ve asked you about yourself as well instead of having your interactions be centered around him. You’ve had a few talks with him though mostly centered around his experience and you occasionally have to reign him in when he’s too caught in his emotions. He wonders if this is why you fell for Seonghwa. He shakes his head to shoo these thoughts before he starts looking like a stalker outside the office, so he knocks twice to get your attention. “Hey,” he trails off, clearing his throat. “Are you ready?” He asks softly, standing awkwardly by the door once you look at him. 
You look at the clock. It hasn’t been three hours, well it’s nearly three hours but not quite. “You finished early. Give me ten minutes.” You note as you pack all your things. 
He stays in his spot, eyes roaming the room, seeing small things that differentiate your space from the others. You had small post-its color coded over some sheets of paper that were unreadable from his spot, typical work essentials along with a small corgi plush the size of his palm resting next to a few pens. The small thing makes him smile for a moment, once he sees that you’re ready to get moving, it disappears. He lets you lead the way to the car, popping his earphones in for the long ride home.
It’s quiet for the entire ride home, except for the radio playing whatever the public has been into. You don’t look over at San to know that he has his earphones in, neither of you try to start a conversation. Maybe it was better that way anyways. 
Once you parked the car, you shake his shoulder gently to wake him up. “We’re here.” He wakes up almost immediately unlike the past times where he makes it near impossible to wake him up. He raises his head, slightly disoriented with the scattered lights in the parking lot, he looks to the driver’s seat and you’re already out of the car. He hops out of the car, running his hand through his hair as he tries to wake himself up. The car beeps and you pull at the door to make sure it’s locked. Once satisfied, you walk around and find him already by the elevator. This surprises you but at the same time were you expecting anything else? 
You put on your earphones as well, as you wait for the elevator to arrive. As much as he wants to get on the elevator first, he wasn’t going to let you be on your own at this hour. The doors slide open and the two of you get on, staying on two opposite ends. Your finger presses his floor, out of habit, then you quickly follow it with your floor number. The cool metal shows a hazy image of your reflection, nonetheless you take the chance to look at yourself. Even against this material, your exhaustion is clear. Your eyes linger to the blurry image of San through the walls and his slumped figure as he looks at his phone. Thoughts of how to mend the relationship bubble in your consciousness only to be popped by the elevator arriving at your floor. “Good night.” You say, out of respect. 
“Good night.” He returns under his breath, and he waits for the doors to close behind you before he lets out the breath he’s been holding. Now that it’s just him, he lets out a long frustrated groan. Why couldn’t he get himself to talk to you? To clear things out? He never gave you the chance to explain yourself or himself. He just took your lack of answer as a no and admitted defeat. Would trying to get you and Seonghwa together mend his damn heart? He’s also selfish. He wants you. He doesn’t want to lose to his hyung but Seonghwa is also his hyung. He’s someone he respects and loves like an actual brother. Another turmoil in his head as he watches the number on the screen reach his floor. 
He arrives at his room, greeted by the sight of Yunho playing League without him. “Damn, look at you. You don’t need me to hard carry you through a match.” San muses as he tosses his bag somewhere in the room. He doesn’t know if Yunho even heard him over the constant comments that the game makes over each kill. Regardless, he needs a shower. 
---------
He comes back from his shower and Yunho’s headset rests on his shoulders, scrolling through the internet mindlessly. “Did you get to talk to them?” Yunho asks, his eyes haven’t left the screen-- probably watching someone’s gameplay. 
San lets out a disgruntled sound as he dries his hair. “I didn’t get to, they had their earphones on.” Even to him, this explanation sounds weak. 
Yunho pauses the video then looks at the male, clearly not buying his words. “San.” 
“I’m serious.” San interjects, his face crumpling in discomfort. “Even in the hours of my practice, they were in the office the entire time.” 
“You know, if you just said you weren’t ready to talk to them, that works too.�� Leave it to Yunho to cut to the chase. 
His bottom lip juts out at such a strong statement from his peer. “T-that’s one reason too…” He mumbles as he climbs onto his bed, defeated by how quick it was for Yunho to see through him. 
The other male stays on his seat, leaning against the backrest as he watches the other. “There’s no rush, honestly but bro, you really need to talk to them soon. Your own good is for the good of the group too.” 
His words make the younger look at him weirdly. He’s aware of how his heart is on his sleeve since birth but his words make him wonder just how evident his heart is. The look on his face makes Yunho laugh softly, as much as San does his best to look after everyone, Yunho still had the upper hand of being an actual older brother. It felt like he was talking to his younger brother with how confused San was. “It was kind of obvious that you couldn’t put yourself into the practice earlier San. None of us just commented on it because we know you.” 
San falls onto his pillow, half his face covered by the soft material as he shoots rainclouds at the male who is clearly unaffected by his attitude. How can he? Yunho’s right. It’s obvious when he isn’t putting his heart into it. It’s obvious when he’s got something in his mind while he practices or performs. He didn’t want to affect the boys with his personal issues. While he isn’t ready to talk to you, he needs to find a way to separate his personal life with his work life.
His roommate looks at the bothered male with a sympathetic smile. “Let’s figure this out some other time, it’s 3AM we need sleep.” He shuts off his monitor, already making his way to the lights. In a few days time, their THANXX promotions would start. San’s going to need to separate his emotions soon. Maybe those acting classes would actually help. 
--------
It’s D-2 before THANXX promotions and the staff had made sure the boys were eating right. You were grateful for the existence of yogurt and fruits, otherwise having the boys eat their vegetables would be a headache. They’ve been eating enough while making sure to leave room for their rehearsals. Today’s the last day of practicing in their outfits for the future stages. Thankfully, the clothes for the first stage were already ready. 
You and the rest of the staff had marked the studio with colored tape, while those who were in charge of production already rehearsed how the cameras would move. Truth be told, you haven’t kept up with the news but with how the production team was moving, you could only assume that the cases were rising then dropping. The boys do one run in their stage outfits with little to no issues-- save for San having to pin his pants. Once that was all over, the boys talked with the stylists for any minor changes and reviews for this set while you and the others removed the tape from the flooring. 
The same thing happens for the rest of the night: managers eating ahead, switching around to keep an eye on their rehearsals, the boys eating later on then back dancing and singing. Perfectionists but it is expected, this song was more in their comfort zone after all. You’re the last in the office again, Manager Bae bringing them home this time. Brand deals were your worst enemy but they were a high risk, high reward if done right. 
You peek into the studio, seeing the boys already packing up. Manager Bae is off to the side stretching his back after hours of moving around. You toss the keys to him to which he catches with grace, much to the group’s entertainment. 
San catches your eye and you glance over at him. Something in you hardens but you try to keep it subtle. “Heading home early?” 
He’s caught off guard by the question. “Y-yeah, I’m heading home with them tonight. You don’t have to wait for me.” He answers after recovering his composure. He shifts his face to your direction but you don’t meet his eyes. Silence falls over the two of you for a moment. With that, you nod at his words. 
“Is that so? Then, get lots of rest tonight. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” With that, you tip your head to bid him goodbye, shuffling away from him and into your office. You don’t give him time to ask if you were going home as well.
His eyes follow your figure as you quickly leave the room and something in him causes him to let out a sigh. He doesn’t have the heart to stop you, wanting nothing but to relieve his stress with a match or two against Yunho. Hell, even just sleeping doesn’t sound like a bad idea. He lets out another sigh, shoulders dropping lower than usual before he steps out of the studio as well, greeted by the sight of his fellow members, bustling about by the elevator. 
Sometimes being quick on your feet had its perks, for example, you slipped away from the boys before they could see you scurry away to your office. Once you had arrived, you let out the breath you’ve been holding in since you left the studio. Now that you don’t wait for San in the studio anymore, your schedule has gotten a lot freer than expected. While this should be a good thing, your body isn’t used to it and ends up restless. You sink into your chair, looking through your to-do list. You should be accustomed to rapid changes, but this was a change you had trouble getting used to. For months, you did your work in the studio, while San practiced his dancing and singing. It was to the point where you gave up using earphones to focus and let San perfect his technique until it became white noise to your ears. Now, the silence was deafening. Earphones are popped into your ears, putting your music on shuffle. 
[ Manager Bae to Manager Chat ] Bringing the kids home today! You guys want anything on the way back? 
You bring your phone up to your eyes, a frown on your lips as you think of what to reply. 
[ You to Manager Chat ] Sweet Cream Cold Brew and chicken sandwich please? I’m staying in the office for overtime lol
[ Manager Bae to Manager Chat ] Call. 
You look at the time. It’s 9PM. He won’t be back until 10 or 11 depending on the rush. Hell, you realized that it’s been a while since you managed to catch a breather in the office. You could barely keep your focus so you end up looking through your phone, doing the routine clean up for the sake of your phone memory. 
For the sake of your sanity, for once, you don’t push yourself to work at least until your (late) dinner comes in. You decide to call your best friend, in need of an ear that would listen because shit your thoughts are just a jumbled mess now. Her phone rings on and on, until you reach the familiar beep of a call untouched. You try again but you receive the same flat note. You tap the red icon on your phone and opt to send them a message. 
[ You to Jiwoo ] Need to talk to you about some personal stuff. Nothing life threatening, just super stressed. 
You put your phone away and stare at your emails and paperwork. If you can’t write something up, at least you can organize something right? It’s mindless work until Manager Yoon comes back. Jiwoo replies after a while. 
[ Jiwoo to You ] Good that you said it’s not life threatening. I just finished watching a zombie movie. I’m free Sunday night/Monday.
Her life choices barely faze you at this point. 
[ You to Jiwoo ] Smart choice to watch a zombie movie at night. I’ll be free by like… past midnight?
[ Jiwoo to You ] I’ll buy the soju. Bring mixers and some food. 
You break into a fit of giggles at her words. A serious heart-to-heart talk was always capped off with a chill drinking session at her place. 
You continue to organize your files, moving some of the files to a hard drive, especially now that some of these files were for the duration of Inception promotion. As you go through your files, you’re greeted by various selfies from the boys, some expected from twenty something boys, some looking very much boyfriend-dol of them. Most of them coming from Seonghwa and San, though San beating the older by a few more. You remember how the conversations always went; San would always ask which one was better, you always doubted the legitimacy of your decisions as usually the social media staff were in charge of that. He would pester you still for which one was better until you chose something. Now that you look at them with the current situation in hand, things slowly made sense. 
A heavy sigh slips through your tired lips as you watch the bar fill up, waiting for all these documents and photos to be in your hard drive. You know some of these photos were going to be needed for their birthday videos and other special events so it was best to not delete anything. Somehow your need to organize everything overpowers the small part in you that wants to process and understand everything that happened between you and San. 
“I’m back!” Manager Bae declares much to your surprise. You jolt up in your seat, surprised by his sudden presence and you look at the time. 10:15PM. 
“No traffic?” You ask and your eyes trail to the food in his hand. He catches how your eyes look at the bag of food instead of at him to which he laughs, like manager, like idol after all. The older male places your food on your table before he settles down by his space. 
“Surprisingly none,” he starts, while you rummage through the bag for your sandwich first. “The boys fell asleep fast in the car too so things went smoother than expected.” 
“They’ve been constantly on the move since September, haven’t they? It’s bound to catch up to them.” You say before taking a bite. With your free hand, you skim through your documents and emails. “After this round of promotions, they have a show with Kakao plus acting offers already. It’s almost still full speed ahead for them, still. You told the boys of the acting offers already didn’t you?” 
“Yeah, Yunho and Jongho are the most excited for it. Expected since they’re the most vocal about wanting to venture into acting.” You could already picture the looks on their face when their wish came true and it brings a small smile to your face. It’s moments like that that makes you think your work is worth it. A few minutes pass as you get halfway through your sandwich and Manager Bae stands up again, ready to call it a day. “Are you still working overtime?” He asks as he glances at the time. 
You take a sip of your coffee, feeling a little awake from the gradual caffeine fix. “Yeah, probably just two hours more. I just want to finish all of these deals and stuff.” He looks at you with a hint of concern but nods. You were a stubborn one, not wanting to stop when the finish line is so close. 
“Don’t forget you got the car keys for tomorrow’s schedule.” 
That makes you pause to do the math of your travel time plus sleep. You have enough time if you keep to your schedule. With that set, you flash him a reassuring grin. “Duly noted with thanks. Get some sleep already, you’ve been on your feet since early morning.” You say as you wave him goodbye. He laughs at your choice of words but lets it be. With that, you’re alone again. Alone with your thoughts and your work. 
Maybe silence wasn’t the best way to deal with this. 
---------
[ You to Jiwoo ] Fuck it. I’m gonna send you voice notes of everything that has happened. Cause I swear if I don’t get this out of my system, I might just lose it. 
You look at the text you composed for a few moments, you’re in bed now, drying your still damp hair. You remove everything and write everything down in your notes app instead. There were things that were better mulled about first instead of being spoken about recklessly. The blank message box taunts you to say something but you don’t. Instead, you put your phone away and ready yourself for sleep. 
---------
You wake up to your phone buzzing reminding you of the new day. The last you remember of your hazy dream was San. [dream dialogue?] You’re not sure if that was a good dream or not, details fade before you could make more sense of what it was. Regardless, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth about today. 
[ You to ATEEZ ] I’ll wait for you boys at the parking lot. Be there by an hour latest. 
[ Seonghwa to ATEEZ ] frodo_thumbs_up
With his reply, you trust that the rest of them would know of your order. You finally get out of bed, getting ready to start what could be another long day. Once you look presentable, you make sure you have everything you need for the day. As you make your way to the parking lot, you look through your messages, and you feel a little better knowing that all your drafted proposals have been approved and are just waiting for the green light from the partners. This also means you have to give the boys the rundown soon. You sent a message to the manager chat of the updates. 
The doors open and one by one the members enter, causing the van to roar to life-- in this case, not the engine. The sudden influx of noise startles you, nearly dropping your phone in the process. 
“Manager-nim!” whines Wooyoung, who was seated right behind your seat. “Why don’t you pick us up from the dorm anymore?” 
You reach behind you to pat his head, or well whatever you can pat more of. “Wooyoung, you boys are already adults..” You reason lightly, trying to keep your tone light. Unfortunately, your head is anything but light. How exactly do you make sense of a dream where someone who has feelings for you appears in them? Especially a talent. You’ve heard stories, rare that they ended on a good note too. 
Those words bring some sort of feeling in San. A bitterness that not even his performance insecurities could bring. He had his earphones in, not wanting to talk to anyone this early. 
‘San’s not a morning person for the most part, just let him warm up on his own.’ 
Manager Hwang’s voice rings in your head and it’s the only thing that’s trying to reason with your uneasiness. Once you’ve appeased Wooyoung, you count the boys to make sure they’re all accounted for before driving them to the company. 
The car mellows down into quiet murmurs between those who were awake and in between awake and slumber. It felt like everything was back to normal for the most part. 
Things go by like normal, stylists who you haven’t seen due to schedule changes have decided to gush to you over the latest gossip that you missed out on. At least they were nice enough to gossip with you after styling the boys, otherwise that would’ve been a disaster. 
“Yes, so they disregarded their contract and are dating a fan.” The tone gives you an odd impression. 
“You make it sound like this isn’t the first time he’s done it.” You note, frowning at such idea entering your mind. It’s the look on the stylist’s face that tells you you’re correct. 
He sighs. “I’ve worked with them for a number of years, their contract states they’re not supposed to date for at least two years after debut. This boy doesn’t even cover it up while doing his work. I’m not one to shame an idol for dating, I’m worried for those who have to cover up his trail and his members if he gets caught.” 
Your blood runs cold at that. It sounds all too familiar for you. But you don’t show signs of your fear to the stylist, knowing better than to talk about issues of the heart with that at a time like this. That said, you opt to just frown and sigh at such actions. It’s hypocritical of you but you couldn’t get yourself to act any other way. “I hope he gets his act together.” You mumble. 
“Who gets his act together?” 
Everyone jumps at the sudden voice and heads turn to the direction. You stand up immediately after calming your racing heart. “Wooyoung! Don’t scare us like that!” While your tone carries no hint of malice or disappointment, it does carry a tone of someone who is used to his antics. 
Your nagging causes him to snicker. “Sorry for scaring you.” He starts, while giving the other staff members an apologetic bow. “Who were you talking about?” Leave it Wooyoung to sniff out the sauce. 
At his question, you shake your head, flicking his forehead in the process. “Nothing that concerns you, Wooyoung. You’re done with your hair and make up?” You shift the topic to something else, much to the relief of the staff and your heart. 
“Yes~” God, it’s so difficult to stay mad at this boy. You watch him shuffle away to change into his performance clothes then shift your attention to the rest of the boys who were just catching up on a few minutes of sleep while waiting for their call time. 
Today’s stage for them was going to be pre-recorded as they had another guesting at the time the music show will air. You wake up those who were still asleep when they had thirty minutes before their call time. “Guys, get ready. You’re going to be called to perform soon.” You say softly, not wanting to scare them. This somehow gets them on their feet quicker than expected, you look around then you spot the camera pointed at their direction. As a reflex, you immediately cover your face and you’re thankful that San managed to step in front of you, now joking about with Wooyoung as they warm up. You take the chance to slip away from the camera and you watch from a distance as they get ready, right on time for one of the production staff to usher them to the stage as they hand them their microphones. 
Once they bid their goodbye to the camera and make their way off to the sides of the stage, a part of you falls into unease. Seasoned eyes look around the room, trying to spot for anything that the boys may have forgotten. ‘Mingi didn’t forget his gloves, same goes for Wooyoung. Did Seonghwa not wear his choker…?’ You ask yourself questions, all of which were answered as you look around the room and the tables. A part of you wants to assume this is just your brain drifting to that weird dream you had and for once, you hope that this logical side of you is right. 
The monitor in the room has you watching how the boys do their rehearsals, two of which were to get used to the stage difference, the last being for the camera work. Once all that was done, alongside the makeup retouches, they were ready for the final run. It’s not a surprise that the last run was better than the rest, you checked your phone, it would take them roughly ten minutes to get back to the room. 
It’s been a while since they finished and you excuse yourself from the mindless chatter the other staff had busied themselves with. “Get ready to pack up already.” Your voice gentle but still holding authority as you knew of their schedules. Where were the boys? You step out of the room looking for them. It took a few moments until you did find them but they made no move of leaving their spot. Something in you forces you forward and you see one of the production staff members throwing their anger on them. 
“Excuse me, did something happen?” Truth be told, you hate confrontations but this is part of your work. If this argument is stretched any longer, you fear that the boys would be late to their next schedule. 
The staff member’s voice booms, bouncing off the walls, as he decides to lecture you on how to make artists be aware of their own mishaps with logistical matters. While he didn’t call you names, it was evident that his anger was starting to become misdirected. It’s a miracle how you managed to hold your ground amidst the tirade despite the storm brewing behind your eyes. So you smile, bright and easy against the man. “Yes, while I would like us to deal with this now, I have to bring these boys to their next schedule--” He cuts you off with another rant, and your features stiffen. As you were about to open your mouth, you feel someone’s arms block you. A few blinks try to get you back to reality and you look at the arm in between you and the staff. 
Seonghwa. 
Hongjoong and San are trying to appease the staff member. Your mind goes into static, you tell the others to go back to the room to pack everything up. “Meet you by the car. Your next schedule is an hour away. Let’s hope there’s no traffic.” You say and Yunho manages to reign the rest in to do as told. Afterwards, you shift your attention back to the staff and put the two boys behind you. “I’ll cut to the chase. Here’s my contact details.” You bring out your calling card and place it in his hands. “We can arrange damage fees by tonight. I apologize for the hasty end to this discussion but the boys still have promised schedules to fulfill.” You bow out of respect and apology and leave the scene. The three following you close behind. 
You know the three are talking, over what? You aren’t sure. Your mind’s on auto pilot, overwhelmed with everything. The stress has been at an all time high for you but you always push it down, focusing on what’s in front of you. Yet, the staff’s outburst is probably the last thing that’s going to break you. A subtle pinch to your arm and you bring yourself back to reality. You check their dressing room and everyone’s already gone except for the boys who were just about to open the door. “Good, let’s go.” 
---------
The trip to their radio guesting was bustling with confusion towards the angry staff as they try retrace their steps towards that event. You on the other hand, are just grateful for the lack of traffic, you’ll get to the next schedule with a few minutes to spare. Nothing from their discussion enters your ears, too focused into making sure that everyone gets to their destination in one piece. You can deal with your emotions and reactions when the day ends. 
On the other hand, San’s been brooding about what has happened. Seonghwa and Hongjoong ask the members about the broken mic that fortunately lasted until the end of their performance. He didn’t like how things played out there. A lot of things are brewing in his mind, all of which were related to you and Seonghwa. His shortcomings of not responding immediately also being an additional burden. The staff’s outburst stunned everyone and it was Seonghwa who managed to respond first by stepping in between the two of you. As expected of the eldest. Hongjoong and him only snapped out of it after he moved. No wonder, you preferred his hyung.  Something was swirling in his pit and it wasn’t anything good.
Before San could make sense of these conflicting emotions, the car smoothly parks and the doors slide open. “We’re here.” You state and you hop off the car. He blinks out of his thoughts and follows the rest of the boys. They’re greeted by a warmer group of staff who give them a rundown of what’s to happen for this guesting. They’re greeted by lunch sets with their names on it and that was enough to elicit excited chatter from them. When the staff informs them that they’re eating as well in front of the camera as they talk about their album, it gets only louder from there. Even it gets him flashing a genuine smile, they drop their bags off in the room before being ushered to where teh show will be aired. 
You followed the boys and were greeted the same way they were greeted. You talk with some of the staff on the way inside, they hand you your lunch set and you stare at it dumbfounded. “I don’t remember this being part of the fee..” You mumble. The staff catches your words and she beams at you.
“It’s on us! We know you guys have been on your feet for so long, so we figured it would be good to give you guys something to eat.” She explains and it’s another whiplash of emotions in you. Maybe you do need a day off soon. You look at the woman in stunned silence for a moment before bowing out of gratitude. 
As the boys do their thing in front of the cameras, you stay in the room, slowly eating the meal you were gifted with. Your confusing dream must have been a warning of what this day would be. With this hour to yourself, your mind wanders to the gossip earlier: an idol dating behind everyone’s backs, for the lack of a better term. You shared the same sentiments, idols should be able to date whoever they want, but it’s the disregard to their contract and group that stresses you out more. One way or another, it strays towards San’s confession and his avoidance. He’s a man with his heart on his sleeve, and a head more stubborn than a bull. Just who did he think you had an interest on? You were mindlessly picking at your food, before snapping out of it when you remembered that you were eating. It took longer for you to finish your meal, not used to these portions after months of being on the move but you managed. Your phone buzzes and it startles you out of the silence. 
[Jiwoo to You] What time are you free
[Jiwoo to You] need your help on making a statement. 
You stare at the messages in confusion. What is she on? Just as you were about to answer, you hear the claps and the choruses of ‘You did well!’, ‘Thank you for the hard work!’. 
[You to Jiwoo] three hours. 
[You to Jiwoo] what happened?
You keep your phone and clean up after yourself just in time for the boys to enter the room with the same staff member telling them that the meal is free. The director follows them and thanks everyone for the successful shoot, thanking you as well for taking care of the eight boys. The praise catches you off guard and all you could do is laugh softly and thank them for their words and work. 
Everyone could feel the end of the day’s schedule when they hit the road back to the agency. The boys were still in their stage outfits and they wanted nothing but to be in something more comfortable. For once they weren’t fast asleep in the car, they were too busy eating still (is there even a limit to their appetite?). All you could hear was their chewing and occasional excited yelling because of how kind the staff were to provide them with food and just let them talk about their album freely. A part of you smiles as they recount the last schedule. Let them have their fun before they end up talking about that damned mic. You had to admit though, hearing them eat is kind of making you hungry too. 
“We’re here.” You state and everyone’s surprisingly finished with their meals. They’re that hungry? They hop off the car and rustle about to return into their regular clothes. They had to return these clothes to their stylists to prep them for the succeeding weeks of performance. 
Once they’re greeted by their stylists, the environment suddenly booms with energy. Food really does something to these eight boys. It takes a while before you’re greeted by them in their normal clothes again. Their makeup long gone as well. They look like regular twenty something like this. Manager Yoon exits the office, taking the keys from you, the swift work surprising you. 
“Hey!”
“My turn, remember? Hongjoong is staying late tonight..” 
You pout, sometimes being the youngest in a company makes it easy for your seniors to tease you. After his words, you nod. “Alright, just give me the keys when you get back.” You wave the rest of them goodbye, and you look at Hongjoong who’s just leaning against the wall. “Are you going to stay late to work on music?” 
He flashes an apologetic smile. “You need our side of our story too.” 
This was going to be a long day but it had to be addressed. You just hope it would end with enough time to get to talk to Jiwoo. 
The next few hours went by with the two of you trying to clear everything. Hongjoong recounting everything that had to deal with the microphone before the staff’s outburst. He even apologizes for you becoming the victim to those words. 
“Hongjoong, it’s not your fault. You don’t have to apologize for something you didn’t do.” You counter gently. You just wanted your bed, to just retreat from today’s events. You can write up an email to the staff in the morning. 
“It’s still our fault, regardless, that you had to deal with that.” Hongjoong returns, he’s not angry at all. On the contrary, he’s frustrated. Not only does he have to deal with schedules on top of schedules, composing, and San’s emotions, he had to deal with an unnecessary outburst that shouldn’t have been directed at you. 
You just flash him a smile, dropping the topic. “Anyways, I’ll relay this to the staff in the morning. Manager Bae will be in charge of your schedules tomorrow.” You look at the time, only half an hour before Jiwoo calls. “Let’s get going?” 
The ride home is quiet as well, at least the silence isn’t stifling. He busies himself with his phone, looking through anything new that has happened in social media. You look at the clock from time to time, a little bit worried for your friend who would call anytime soon. 
“Are you okay?” Hongjoong asks, his voice snapping you out of your anxious state.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He doesn’t need to deal with your own issues. “Can you keep an eye on my phone? I’m waiting for a call.” You ask just in time for the light to turn green. 
He spots your phone, leaning against the cup holder and puts it on his lap as he goes through his phone. Fifteen minutes in and your phone suddenly vibrates in his hand. He looks at the screen and reads the name out loud. “Jiwoo is calling you..” He says, a little confused if this is the call you were waiting for. 
An annoyed hiss slips from your lips. “Pick it up.” It was inevitable. 
“I’m driving.” You state, asking for a few more minutes. Voice a little louder, to carry over to your phone.
“I’ll be quick, I need your help making a statement.” Her voice rings loud and clear. You look at Hongjoong, he probably put it on speaker. You shoot him a look to keep quiet. 
“On what?”
“Fans found out one of my idols is dating and have been emailing the agency nonstop. I made a draft already and I need your eyes and thoughts to fix any errors.” She says and you rub your temple with your free hand. 
“Send the draft to my email. I’ll get to it in forty five minutes. I’m on my way home.” You state, as you drum your fingers against the steering wheel. “I’m guessing this is what the staff was talking about earlier.” You say though a little softer. 
“You know how word travels fast in this industry.” She returns with a groan. “Call me when you get home, I’ve sent the email already.” 
“Will do, bye.”
She hangs up and you let out the breath you’ve been holding. The silence that hangs over you and Hongjoong is heavy. “Whatever just happened, is between us. If the others find out about it, let them find out about it themselves.” You rarely sound this stern and stressed that all Hongjoong could do is nod. 
Maybe that was why you rejected San. Jiwoo was right, word travels fast in this industry, it’s why he always has to make sure the boys don’t go out of line too much for their sake. He lets them learn from their mistakes but none of them grave enough to affect their name. This one though seemed heavy, especially if fans were emailing the company already. He was going to need to talk to someone though to know how to deal with San should things go out of hand. But how can he when you tell him not to with such a tone? Hell, you don’t even know that he knows that San confessed to you. 
Once you enter the parking lot you unlock the doors. “Get out of the car already, so that once I park the car smooth ride up to our apartments.” You say, a little gentler this time as you seem to have calmed down after such a bombardment of information. He looks at you with raised brows but follows nonetheless. 
By the time you get out of the car, you see Hongjoong waiting for you with the doors already open. An odd weight falls between the two of you as the doors close. 
“Is that why you rejected San?” Hongjoong carefully asks as the elevator slowly goes up. 
Your eyes are shut as you let yourself catch a breather before answering his question. “You know already, huh.” 
“Seonghwa and I kind of figured it out with his sudden mood shifts.” He reasons. “Yunho figured it out too but I doubt the others do yet.” He adds. 
A groan slips from you and you want nothing to just slip down the floor. “Can we talk about this confession thing when your Thanxx promotions end?”
“That’s too far..” He tells you. For once, you can see why the members look up and respect him so much. 
A pause. 
“Fine, Monday. You have no schedules anyways.” This makes him smile a bit. The sooner this is fixed, the better. The conversation is fortunately, cut short when the elevator rings at your floor. “Get some sleep, Hongjoong.” You bid him goodbye as you step out. 
He calls for your name carefully and you stop in your tracks. The lights from the elevator hasn’t closed either so you turn to look at him properly. “Thank you really for everything. You can lean on me or Seonghwa at least, for anything.” 
Something in you softens at those words and you nod. “Yes, sleep well Hongjoong. Manager Bae’s going to be the one in charge of your schedules in the morning and afternoon.” With that he waves you goodbye, the doors closing between the two of you. 
Once you were left alone, your eyes heat up but you shake yourself back to reality. “Still got work.” You remind yourself. 
You don’t know what time you fell asleep, but it’s already noon. “Shit.” You immediately check your laptop if you’ve sent the revised statement to Jiwoo that you worked on. A relieved sigh escapes your lips when you see that you did. You reviewed your emails and see if there’s anything you need to get done. For the first time, you don’t have much to deal with so you check on your social media to see what’s been going on. 
The idol that Jiwoo was stressing over last night is trending. 
You stare at his name for a few moments, deciding if you should check what the noise is about or what the fans have been saying but you think otherwise. Instead, you opt to get ready for what’s left of the day before heading to the agency. 
--------
The boys were on their phones while waiting for their call time. Some of them playing video games while the others look at social media. They see a familiar name on the trending topics and decide to see what’s going on. 
Seonghwa immediately leans to Hongjoong and shows the news to which the latter winces. He looks over at San and he and Wooyoung are also looking at the same post. 
“Should I message him?” Wooyoung asks, he glances over at the older two when he feels their gazes on him. “Did you see the news too?” 
“Yeah. Check on him if you can.” Seonghwa gently urges, worried also for their friend. Truthfully, the rest of the group wasn’t that close to that idol but considering Wooyoung, he’s bound to have some sort of friendship with him. 
San’s busy in his head, mulling over the news. They just resigned. Their friend resigned over being caught in a dating news. His eyebrows are furrowed, deep in thought as he’s just as worried as his friend but he’s worried also for you. For some reason, even when he tries to avoid you, his thoughts still go back to you. How many messages has he composed that he would delete? How many times has he tried to get himself to act normally only to fail and close himself off from you? 
Hongjoong keeps his eye on his two members, clearly with their own problems regarding the news. He knows one will be fine, but the other… it’s hard to say. He looks over at Seonghwa who’s a little bothered by the entire thing as well. “We need to talk to Manager-nim later.” 
“I’ll handle it. Think you can handle San for the time being?” 
“Yep.”
--------
[Jiwoo to You] well fuck, regardless of the statement, they just resigned. 
It takes a moment for you to understand what she was referring to but once you did, you freeze up. It’s like all your biggest fears were coming true, though not for you, it’s right in front of you. 
[You to Jiwoo] drinks this weekend? Your place? 
[Jiwoo to You] call. 
You were going to put your own problems on the back burner for now. This girl probably had to hold so much together thanks to that guy and now things aren’t getting any better until probably months down the line. Too busy in your own thoughts, you accidentally spill water on yourself. “Please.” You murmur to no one in particular as you wrap your jacket around your waist before cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. 
--------
[Seonghwa to You] Are you free later? I think we need to talk about San. 
And here you are thinking you were their manager but then again, the age difference makes it easier for them to see you as their friend after work. You lean against the back rest of your chair. 
[You to Seonghwa] Yeah, free by 6pm. I’ll wait for you. 
Seonghwa shows the reply to Hongjoong and they relax a little. They need to know what you think of San because it was starting to get clearer that you never gave him a definite response to his feelings. 
You stare at your messages, even going as far as reading through your conversations with San which consisted of various topics and banter-- with the occasional fishing for praise from him.
 Why were you so affected by his feelings? 
You spend some time watching some of the videos he has of the members having fun, you could clearly hear his laughter on one of them and it makes you smile a bit, missing that sound a little too much. 
It takes your phone buzzing with another notification to snap you out of your thoughts. “Ah, two more hours.” You note at the time, not really looking forward to your talk. 
[You to Seonghwa] do you want me to get you something to eat as well? Lol
[Seonghwa to You] hehe please?
[You to Seonghwa] lmao, fine. 
Still a kid at heart, really. 
--------
If the food you have on the counter from 7/11 says anything, it’s that you decided to wait for Seonghwa before eating, and that you’re prepared for his appetite. 
[You to Seonghwa] I’m at the office kitchen. 
[You to Seonghwa] I also have meat. 
[Seonghwa to You] ^^*
His reply makes you snort, already picturing his excited grin at the mere mention of meat. It won’t be too long before they arrive at the office. The door opens mere minutes later and while you expected the room to suddenly boom with noise, it was only Seonghwa who entered the room. He catches the look in your eyes and for some reason wanted to tease you about your feelings but now isn’t the right time for that. 
“Relax. Everyone else is just changing and getting ready to head home. I told them I’m staying behind to do some vocal practice.” He knows you well enough to know that you need the complete story when it comes to their schedules. Also because it’s not the complete truth. 
You sigh in relief and gesture for him to sit and eat already. “Let’s talk about it when everyone else is gone.” 
“No one can hear us here. The room next to us is the gym, the room next to the gym is the studio so you’re fine.” 
“Seonghwa.” You say, still a little tense with the mere idea of the boys walking in on your talk. 
“You can’t push this away forever.” He cuts you off, his voice taking on a little bit of strength that surprises the two of you. The look on your eyes makes him look away as he starts to eat. “I’m sorry about the tone but I’m serious. You can’t push this away and think it’ll fix itself.” 
Silence falls on the two of you as you unpack your meal. You let go of the tone slipup, he was right and you doubted this issue could wait for Jiwoo. So while you wait for your respective meals to heat up, you tell Seonghwa what happened: starting from the small things San would do since your first day up until the moment he confessed to you. You admit that you were stumped into who he would think that you would fancy as you have inevitably been stuck to them since their promotions started. 
That’s one thing Seonghwa didn’t expect, sort of. San’s jealousy is something everyone’s familiar with but jealousy in the aspect of romance wasn’t something Seonghwa expected in this situation. It actually makes him forget that his meal is still hot, causing him to slightly burn his tongue from the unexpected temperature spike. At the sight of his blunder, you hand him a glass of water to which he refuses as he struggles to chew the hot piece of beef. You decide to just watch his struggle as you sit there and eat your food. 
Once he succeeds, he takes a few sips of water. His eyes clearly watery from the pain. “Are you okay or do you need a moment?” You ask him, trying to hide the fact that you were amused by his struggle to regain his composure. He finishes what’s left of his water before he turns his attention to you. 
“Did you ever tell him your answer to his confession?” He asks you and it’s the way your shoulders drop that tell you that how you answered or lack thereof is the reason why San is the way he is. “You didn’t tell him that you like him too?” 
Now’s your turn to choke on your food. You stare at him incredulously as you try to regain some sort of control with your food mishap. “W-wait..” you sputter out as you try to catch your breath. It takes some time before you’re able to breathe normally and eat. “I never said anything about me liking him?” 
“You never told him?” 
“How do you even react to someone who tells you they like you while nearly about to fall asleep while standing?” 
“I don’t know…” he trails off, gathering the right words in his head, just as he was about to continue, the door swinging open causes the two of you to stop. 
“Didn’t know you guys were still here.” To be honest, you didn’t think San would be in the studio either. 
“San-ah, I thought you went home with the rest of the boys already.” Seonghwa says, straightening up as he sets his food down. The younger catches how his hyung’s eyes flit to you then to him. 
The younger steps inside the kitchen, refilling his water bottle. “I didn’t. I wanted to squeeze in a workout. I thought you left already.” He returns. All you want to do right now is leave the room. He turns to the two of you once his bottle was filled and it’s unnerving to see his eyes look so steely. 
“I was going to leave later but we can go home now.” Seonghwa returns calmly. His eyes return to you trying to look as if he was asking if they can go home. You knew better, the talk was going to happen some other time. With that look, you quickly finish your meal, then packing up the trash. 
“Sure. Let’s go home.” 
---------
The ride home wasn’t any better: both of them busy with their phones, both sitting at different sides of the car. At least you had full control of the radio. 
Now in San’s eyes, he wonders why Seonghwa would’ve said he was going to do some vocal practice when he was eating dinner with you in the kitchen. He didn’t think of his hyung as someone who would lie. He’s better than that isn’t he? The younger does feel a sense of annoyance though, that he would say such only to go behind their backs and eat with you. He’s trying hard not to think of the worse of his hyung knowing well that he’s the better option between the two of you, but with the recent news of their friend resigning due to dating along with his feelings for you? It’s a challenge. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, doing his best to calm himself down. 
“San-ah, your shoulders are tense.” The older’s soft voice calls him out of his thoughts and it effectively gets him to drop his shoulders. Seonghwa looks at the other for a moment then returns his gaze to his phone. He worries of what goes on in his head especially after seeing the two of you in the kitchen. He genuinely didn’t think that San would stay late especially during promotional periods. He worries that he may have made it worse for everyone, especially him and you. 
“We’re here.” Your voice makes the two raise their heads from their screens. The cold lighting of the parking lot telling them that they are home. You hop out of the car first, waiting for them to get out while making sure you got everything with you. Seonghwa goes ahead, hoping that the talk (or whatever was talked about) makes you move. 
San does it for you though. “So I guess I got my answer?” He pipes up, lingering around you. His gaze beyond you but at his hyung who’s waiting for the lift. Your confused look makes him hiss in frustration. His reaction makes you snap, too tired from all the mental gymnastics you do, too tired from bringing them from point A to point B day in and day out, too tired from keeping yourself together for their sake, for your friend’s sake and for yourself. 
“San, how sure are you about it? All of it? You’re confusing my care for something else. Everyone is worried about you, I have to worry about you as well and while I am your friend, I’m still your manager. At the end of the day, my job is to make sure you guys are able to do your job as artists.” Your blood runs cold at how those words rush out of you, you could barely look at him. The only thing you can hear is your heartbeat and the car’s security lock. “San, how sure are you about my feelings? How are you filling in the blanks that I should be filling?” 
Those words make his feet move, leaving you in the dirt as he walks over to where Seonghwa is. For a moment, you feared that he would get physical-- boy has a black belt after all. He doesn’t. He just lingers by the back, waiting for the lift. He should’ve done a more strenuous workout just so his mind would stop running. 
Seeing him look like so makes you sigh. You had to admit your faults on that, you’re just so tired. You promised your day off would be after promotions but you kind of wish you could make it earlier and have it this week. By the time you arrive at where the two are, the doors of the elevator opens letting the three of you in. You don’t press your floor number first, letting the boys get their rest first. You’re getting additional hours of sleep today anyways. 
“Good night.” You mutter as the two of them step out of the elevator. Seonghwa returns the greeting and so does San. Though one looks back and gives you a friendly wave, the other stalks off, shoulders just as tensed as it was earlier. You look at Seonghwa and shake your head. That’s all he needed to know as to how the mere moments he was out of earshot went. 
“Joong and I will deal with him. Get some rest and think it through. We still need to talk again.” 
“Yeah.” You just hope you didn’t fuck it up for everyone. Something in your gut told you otherwise. 
Part 5
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kermitbread · 4 years ago
Text
a little thingy I don't plan on continuing. my only context for this is... witches, cat boys and... that's it lmao
sorry I haven't been posting too much writing. I haven't been confident about it lately ;w;
The chanting was getting louder the more closer they moved.
Nene had no idea where those people were taking her, because for one thing, she was blindfolded. They even tied her wrists behind her back and unceremoniously carried her away from her house. Wow, way to interrupt a girl from her leisure time, huh?
She could hear the crackling sound of fire and loud shouts of "kill her!" from the angry voices of the townspeople, which finally lead her to understanding what was happening. It had just been her luck that she decided to live in a town that greatly loathed her kind.
Yes, she was a witch. And currently she was going to get executed in the middle of town for many people to see.
What fun.
There wasn't any use on telling them that she wasn't like the bad witches at all. It wasn't like she was bad, it was just that she knew how people would react to the fact trying to explain things would be rendered useless from their moments of delusion.
How in the world did they find out? Was she not being careful enough? Did some kid see her using some minor spells on her garden and snitched? Or did someone see her idly sharing a conversation with that black cat that visited her from time to time?
Ah, whatever. She was going to die and that was gonna be the least of her worries now.
She got dropped onto the ground and pushed against a pole, hands tying her waist around it securely. Something prickly brushed against her legs, which she figured was a bunch of hay underneath her.
"Burn the witch! Kill her!"
So this was how she was going to go, huh? Getting burned to a crisp for everyone's viewing pleasure. Well, if she had any regrets, one of them was not getting a boyfriend. It's because of my ankles right? No wonder they wanna kill me. Me being a witch, and my stupid ankles.
And that little black cat. He would be very sad when he finds out she couldn't make it for their everyday talks together. Maybe he could find a new, cuter witch to be with now? Not like he wanted to stick around a witch with radish legs, right?
The smell of smoke was beginning to become more apparent. She could feel the heat from the fire coming closer and closer. There were many shouts that repeated the same phrase over and over again, and a part of her just wanted them to get over the entire thing already so she wouldn't have to listen to them.
Funny that she still had the audacity to get annoyed on the verge of death.
She heard her name getting shouted with desperation, as she quickly recognized the voice. Ah, Aoi. I'm sorry that I have to leave you behind so abruptly.
The flames were getting closer, to the point she could feel the heat starting to get stronger. This was it. Unless there was some sort of miracle that would happen, which would be nice, there was no turning back now.
"That's a little bit extreme of you people, isn't it?"
All of a sudden, she felt all the ropes that tied her loosen, and herself getting pulled away from the fire that was about to burn her alive. It all happened so fast, she wasn't even able to process what just happened.
"Hey! What are you doing?! We're trying to get rid of her!"
The voice—which belonged to a boy that she seemed to sorta recognize—only laughed. She squeaked when he suddenly flipped her over and she got plopped into someone's arms, probably belonging to him.
What in the world was going on this time?
"Trying to burn a cute girl is considered rude, no? I'm sure we can all understand that." Nene felt her cheeks warm up at the thought of that boy calling her cute. Can you blame her, it was the first time a boy had ever said anything like that around her.
"But she's a witch! If we don't kill her now, she's going to kill all of us!"
"Tch, you humans and your irrationalities." It was strange that he refered to them as 'humans', as if he wasn't one of them.
Maybe he was like her, in a sense?
The air kicked up around her and before she knew it, she was being carried away by her still unidentified savior from the crowd of angry townspeople. She heard Aoi calling after her in a worry, before ultimately the voices of the crowd were reduced to merely silence as they went further and further.
They finally stopped, and Nene could hear water close by. They seemed to be near a river, one that was beyond the outskirts of the town.
Pulling her blindfold off she tried to squint through the dark in order to get a better look at the person. Short dark hair concealed by the hood of his cloak, and golden eyes that looked like the kind that would probably glow in the night if that were possible. She didn't realize she was staring at him until he decided to look back at her.
"You are one clumsy witch, you know that, Yashiro?"
Now how did he know her name? She doesn't recall meeting him at all. Or even seeing him around town for that matter.
He seemed to be irked at her confused look, as he sighed to himself, setting her back down on her feet. He pulled back the hood off his head, revealing... cat ears.
"You seriously don't recognize me, Yashiro? Am I that generic looking?"
Wait. It couldn't be possible, right? Like, she's a witch, sure, but even she thought it wasn't capable of happening at all.
Or was it?
"H... Hanako-kun?" She softly said, unsure whether she was right. Fortunately she was, as seen by how his face brightened up at the mention of the name.
"That's right! It's me! So you do recognize me after all!"
"T-that can't be right! Hanako-kun's a..." Nene trailed off when Hanako walked right up to her and bent over, leaning forward up to her face with a smile.
"This is my real form, you see. I wouldn't be able to save you from getting killed if I stayed a cat now, right?"
"I know that! It's just that... why did you save me? You barely know me, apart from those three months." Nene shifted her foot around, deciding to look down at the grass instead of his eyes.
It wasn't like he saved her for any special reasons, right? If only she wasn't such a hopeless romantic.
Hanako tilted his head to the side, still smiling all the way. "I like you, though. That's enough of a reason for me."
"Huh?!" That was totally uncalled for! What in the world did he mean by that?!
"I said..." Now their faces were so close to each other, to the point she hoped he didn't see how red her face was getting. "I like you, Yashiro."
"As a... as a friend?" She managed to ask, but for some reason she hoped it wasn't the case.
Only a little, though.
Hanako finally pulled away from her personal space, and he turned up to look at the night sky for a while to contemplate, then turned back to her.
"That's up to you to decide." He replied, sticking his tongue out with a playful wink.
"Wha—you jerk!" Nene stomped over to him, trying to punch him on the chest. Of course he was joking! The boy had the habit of misleading her with his words, even before he showed his true form to her. Why was she even disappointed in his answer, anyway?
"Aha, settle down, Yashiro." Laughing, Hanako takes both her hands into his. It was hard to keep a straight face when Nene was making such a cute angry face.
He saw light from torches coming closer to their location. Ah, crap. Those townspeople were on their tracks.
Picking Nene up from the ground once more, he plopped her behind his back, making sure she was secure. "We better move!"
"Eh—Hanako-kun, where are we even going to go?!"
He didn't turn to look at her, but it was clear that he knew what he was doing. "Don't worry, I'll protect you, Yashiro. So hold on, okay?"
Her heart beat fast again, another blush making its way into her cheeks once more. All she could so was nod and bury her face on his back, trying not to be too obvious.
Before she knew it, they were running away once more, away from the people chasing after them. Who knows where they were heading, but Nene had the feeling they were probably going to be just fine.
"Um... Hanako-kun, aren't I too heavy?"
"Yeah, actually—ow! I was just joking!"
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threeletterslife · 4 years ago
Text
Change of Plans
→ summary: So how did you and Seokjin meet? Now that the two of you are engaged, you’re ready to tell your friends the night you were supposed to get laid but didn’t. And it’s all your fiancé’s fault.
→ pairing/rating: seokjin x reader | PG-13
→ genre: 80% crack, 20% fluff | college!au & est. relationship!au
→ warnings: profanity, mentions of hooking up, crude humor, tinder lmao
→ wordcount: 2.5k
→ a/n: guys when i was editing this i laughed at my own fucking jokes ohmygod 🤡🤡
Tumblr media
cr.
"So," Jungkook snorts, swinging his arm around Seokjin's shoulder as he looks at the happy couple curiously. "You're getting married."
"Hell, yes!" you say, pumping your fist. "Look at my ring."
Everyone around you groans.
"Y/N, we looked at your ring so many times, I think if someone told me to resculpt it blindfolded, I could," Yoongi sighs. He half annoyedly half defeatedly grabs a can of beer and downs it.
"Shut up, Yoongi," Daehyung says. "Y/N, your ring is beautiful," she gushes. "Yoongi's just jealous because he's single."
"It's beautiful because I helped Seokjin pick it out," Yoongi argues. "Even though I'm single, I have excellent taste."
"You also have a cocky attitude," you giggle, admiring how the sparkling ring fits perfectly around your ring finger. "But thank you. I appreciate the advice you gave my fiancé."
"Can you believe a year ago, I didn't even know your name?" Seokjin laughs, nudging you. Giving him an ungrateful glare, you push him back.
"Wait, really?" Jungkook says, eyes wide. "I thought you guys were college besties."
"No, they met on a hookup app," Daehyung giggles.
"Seriously??" Yoongi says.
"It wasn't exactly a hookup app," you pout. "We didn't even hookup."
"It was too a hookup app," Daehyung says. "Tinder, to be exact."
Everyone except you and Seokjin gasps dramatically.
"Come to think of it," Yoongi says, "you two never told us how you met."
"Yeah, and if we tell you, you're going to embarrass the shit out of me and my future wife when you give the best man speech at the wedding," Seokjin frowns. "I'm not setting myself up for humiliation."
"I promise I'll keep it a secret!"
"Hey, I thought I was the best man!" Jungkook yells.
"You can be the flower girl," you snort.
"What?!" the young bachelor shrieks.
"Can everybody shut the fuck up so I can hear this story again?" Daehyung yells at the top of her lungs.
"Again??" Seokjin says curiously. "When did you hear it the first time?"
"Oh, Y/N was drunk," Daehyung giggles. "When she's drunk, she spills straight up tea."
"Oops," you say when your fiancé gives you a dirty look. "Why do we have to keep it a secret, anyway?"
"Because it's embarrassing."
"Yeah, embarrassing for you. I sound like a hero."
"Y/N saves the day?" Yoongi grins. "And Seokjin wrecks something? What's new?"
"I'm this close to making you the flower girl," the engaged man threatens.
Yoongi shuts up.
"Oh, come on, babe, let's tell them the story," you plead. "It's so funny!"
"Yeah, for you."
"Learn to laugh at yourself, Seokjin," Daehyung chastises. "Plus it wasn't even that humiliating."
"God!" Jin shrieks. "Yes it was humiliating!"
"Shut up, you big baby," you say, patting the head of your soon-to-be-husband. "I'll take the floor now."
"Oh, god," Jin groans.
You grin in response. "Okay, it all started senior year of college... Monday... November 14th, 8:02 p.m..."
"It did not start then," Seokjin argues.
"Stop being so petty," Jungkook snorts.
"Wait, no Jin's right. It didn't start then," you giggle apologetically. Seokjin facepalms. "It started a week and a few days before November 14th."
"Does the date really matter?" Yoongi groans.
"Yes," you, Seokjin, Jungkook and Daehyung chorus.
Yoongi shuts up—for the second time that day.
"Okay, where was I?" you mumble. "Oh, right! It all started..."
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Tinder is an annoying bitch.
It keeps pairing you up with dudes you know in your class. You are not going to have a one night stand with a guy and be stuck in a group project with him the next day. You're going to avoid that awkward possibility for as much as you can.
You've used the "dating" app off and on in your college years, but it's never amounted to anything more than craptastic hookups and hectic morning afters. So you deleted it.
Until early November when you had to third wheel Daehyung and her boyfriend to a local fair. You were so bored and desperate that you re-downloaded Tinder and started swiping. There are way too many hot guys on one app. It makes you start to wonder where all the hot guys in your school are.
There are a few guys who match with you, but it's clear that they are massive dodo brains when they start off the conversation with a one-worded 'hi' or 'send nudes plz' or the worst: 'your beautiful.' With the wrong 'your' and all. You don't even answer them.
But one guy's messages catch your eyes.
[SEOKJIN]: Roses are red
[SEOKJIN]: Let's test my luck
[SEOKJIN]: We should get in bed
[SEOKJIN]: So we can—
The unfinished poem leaves you almost choking on your own spit. If that wasn't creative, you don't know what is. After background checking his profile, you realize he's one of those hotties. You wonder what on earth he's doing texting you, but you're not going to miss this amazing chance.
[Y/N]: Fuck?
Seokjin replies about three seconds later.
[SEOKJIN]: Oh no that's so vulgar
[SEOKJIN]: I was going to say cuddle :((
You giggle. Sort of a low-grade joke, but what can you say? You're a complete sucker for those.
It's hard to find men these days who are perfect texters. Most men are dry, sending in one-word answers and letting emojis talk for them. Other men write way too much. Seokjin is right in the middle. Already, he has your attention. (Especially because you like his humor.)
The two of you text back and forth until you're back home in your bed. You would've texted him more but it was 3:04 a.m. and you had class the next day.
Butterflies erupt in your stomach when Seokjin, a complete stranger, mind you, tells you, 'goodnight. sweet dreams.'
What follows is a week's worth of texting. You've been swiping and texting other guys on the side, but if Seokjin's available, you ditch everyone else.
You learn that Jin's a history major and he despises STEM with all of his guts. You let him go on a ten-minute rant on why math should die all because it's adorable how he has so much supporting evidence for his argument. Seokjin had to backtrack and apologize when he learned that you majored in physics, though, which was hilarious. You could feel him blushing via text.
The more you text Seokjin, the more you want to meet him in person. Also, his Tinder bio promises mind-blowing sex, so you're down for that too.
On a fateful day, you finally somehow schedule a meeting with the hot man. Monday, November 14th at 8 p.m. You're to meet at Seokjin's little apartment (which seemed to be in a safe neighborhood). You have fun picking your lingerie with Daehyung. (You kept saying Seokjin would be the type to like pink and lace, but Daehyung argued that he'd like scarlet red and leather. But you kicked her out of your room and chose the pink lace lingerie set anyway.)
It was an understatement to say you were excited about this. You were elated, insanely thrilled. Not only did you find a hookup partner, but also you found a man you could potentially see yourself dating.
Daehyung keeps telling you not to get your hopes too high because in her words, "You've never even met the goddamn dude." But you know a gem when you see one. Unlike Daehyung. She's been off and on with about four different guys since the beginning of college. What does she know about love??
In the end, you want to be more than hookup material to Seokjin. But of course, that would be after you get laid tonight. The flirty wink faces and jokes were indicative that tonight would be a very, very enjoyable night. You just have to get to his apartment on time.
At precisely 8:02 p.m., you knock on his door. Okay, you were going to knock on his door when you originally got there (at 7:56 p.m.), but after consulting Daehyung, she said that it's better to make men wait. For once, her advice kind of makes sense. So you wait six minutes and then knock on his door.
"Oh shit!" you hear from the apartment.
You raise your eyebrows. He was expecting you, right?
"Just a second!!"
His voice is much smoother and more delicate than you thought.
You're dreaming about finally seeing his beautiful face in person when the door opens. Damn. He's really, really hot. You feel on fire just looking at him. But you quickly see that the man is panting. He's also sweating.
"O-Oh, is this a bad time?"
"Fuck," Seokjin curses. He runs his finger through his silky black hair. "Uh..." He trails off, eyes darting below to see just a sliver of your pink lace lingerie set peeking out from under your black coat. He gulps. You can see his Adam's apple bob. He exudes this warm, chaotic energy you wouldn't have expected from someone who looks so well-put-together as him. But you kind of find that hot.
"Okay, change of plans," Seokjin finally gasps out. He tugs you in his apartment and holds out a good stack of papers. "College happened."
You laugh. "What??"
"Okay, remember when I told you I fucking hate math?"
"Yes??" The ten-minute rant—how could you forget something so iconic?
"Well, I made a huge mistake of taking accounting this year and now I'm behind on five assignments that are all due tomorrow—"
"Oh god."
"Don't worry. I'm going to get it all done. So we can uh..." Seokjin glances at your scandalous outfit behind the confines of your coat. "Finish the rest of my poem."
"In that case..." You roll up your long sleeves. "Do you have a t-shirt I can borrow?"
"Y-Yeah," Seokjin says. He dashes away and after a split second, he comes back with a navy, oversized t-shirt. "Here."
"Thank you!" you chirp. "Now," you say, tying your hair up in a messy bun and gesturing toward the heap of paper Seokjin is holding, "I took accounting two years ago, but I'm sure I remember all the essential stuff. Wanna get to work?"
Seokjin looks at you like you're an angel.
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"Shut up!" Jungkook laughs so hard he almost falls over. "You're telling me that you were going to get laid, but you got cockblocked by Seokjin's procrastination??"
"Yes! I know!" you snort. "But it's a good thing I can actually do math. Unlike Mr. I-hate-math-so-much-I-barely-do-my-homework, here."
"In my defense..." Seokjin trails off. "I don't have an excuse, actually."
Yoongi rolls his eyes. "Did you finish the assignments, though?"
"Why are you guys asking the irrelevant questions?" Daehyung sighs. "Shouldn't you guys ask if Y/N got laid like she was supposed to??"
Seokjin grumbles. "We finished the assignments in three hours."
"We??" you say incredulously.
"Okay, fine. Y/N did more than half of it because I had no idea what was going on."
"And I did get laid!" You pump a victorious fist in the air. "But it was really late and I fell asleep before we even got to the good part."
"So she got properly laid in the morning," Seokjin snickers. "And it was so good she left after having breakfast."
"I think I fell for him because he can cook so well," you laugh. "And he felt extra bad about the night before so he made a three-course breakfast meal."
"Oh my god, men who finesse in the kitchen," Daehyung gushes. "Why haven't I caught a case like that yet?"
"Your personality is your birth control, bro," Jungkook snorts. "I thought you knew."
"I will shove a pregnancy test up your fucking ass," Daehyung threatens.
"How do you know I won't like how that feels?"
"SHUT UP!" Yoongi screams. "DON'T PAINT THAT PICTURE IN MY HEAD."
You and Seokjin give each other another look. Ever since you introduced Daehyung to Seokjin's two best friends, it's been... uh, chaotic. At this point, you're not sure if your friends argue out of pure love or pure hatred.
But the fact that Jungkook uses the same flirting tactics of a pre-teen boy explains a lot about his relationship with Daehyung.
"At this rate, do you even want these people at the wedding?" Seokjin whispers jokingly.
"I heard that!" Daehyung shrieks. "I will be at the wedding whether you want it or not!"
"Don't worry," you laugh. "You're going to be my maid of honor!"
"Whew," Daehyung sighs. "Since I'm your maid of honor can I uninvite Jeon Jungkook for being an asshole?"
"Hey!"
"No, we're putting you two in the same table at the afterparty dinner," Seokjin grins. "And Yoongi, you'll be there to witness the madness."
"Lovely," the sarcastic man gripes.
"Exactly!" you say.
But it is lovely indeed.
You never thought your ability to zoom past accounting assignments would ever come to use. Until Seokjin opened up a whole new door for you. Sure, you wanted a plain ol' hookup, but instead of getting dick, you got yourself a boyfriend. And now a fiancé.
If you think about it, now you have an endless supply of dick—all from the same, magnificent man. So it all worked out in the end.
Before all of your friends leave after the friendly gathering, you tug Yoongi to the side and pay him a hundred bucks to retell the hilarious story in his best man speech. Once money is involved, Yoongi will do anything.
Sure enough, on the faithful day of the wedding, and quite to Seokjin's horror, Yoongi tells the story of how you and Seokjin had first met—leaving out explicit details to save the ears of the older guests. But the story leaves everyone in tears of laughter.
Seokjin is so enamored by the attention that he doesn't even get angry at Yoongi.
"I'm glad I took that stupid accounting class!" he announces at the afterparty. "If it hadn't been for Professor Le Chory and his endless assignments, I would've never met my wife!"
And when the party's over and the two of you go off to your shared apartment to rest before going on your honeymoon trip to Yeousu, Seokjin clears his throat.
"Yes??" you say, giggling as Seokjin shyly fidgets with his hands. "Did you break something again?"
"No!" he says. "I just thought of another poem."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Wanna hear it?"
"Sure. But if this keeps up, you'll become a poet, Jin."
"I know," your husband grins. He takes a deep breath and recites the poem from memory, closing his eyes as he concentrates on each word.
Roses are red,
You are now my wife,
We should sleep in bed,
So tomorrow, and until forever, I'll show you the time of your life.
With Seokjin, life is spontaneous. But you don't really mind. Living in the moment and changing your plans as they go isn't too bad.
Especially when you wake up the next morning and Seokjin announces instead of Yeousu, the two of you will embark on a journey to Jeju instead.
Perfect. You've always wanted to visit Jeju Island.
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masterlist
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bottomvalerius · 4 years ago
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D, M, V for all but especially Damian maybe?
A-Z Dirty Headcanons 🥴
It’s 2:40am and I cannot sleep let’s geTT ITT 🤟🏻🤟🏻also excited to talk about Damien thank you 😭
Going under a read more cause talk of kink 🔞 cw for mentions of choking and brief knife talk !
D - Dominance (do they prefer to dominate, or be dominated? do they have experience as a Dom? Do they have a Dom that they trust already? What kind of things do they enjoy as/with their Dominant partner?) 
Donna is a switch with a preference for subbing. However, they don’t shy away from taking the reigns, especially if their partner needs it. They’re a very bratty dom, but they also like doting on their partner too; equal parts degradation and praise. Checks in a lot, lots of kissing and teasing, but not afraid to get rough too.
Samuel prefers domming only, particularly with new partners. He’s the brat tamer to Donna’s (and Lucio’s lmao) brat ! Very condescending, big into impact play. Wants you to feel small and at his mercy. Loves humiliating his partners. However, he’s very tender during and especially after an intense scene. Fully aware of the escapism aspect of BDSM and wants to make that snap back to reality as smooth as possible for his subs 🥺
Damien is a switch with a preference for domming! Very much enjoys being in control; big into tying/chaining his partners up. A very rough lover, but will kiss each hit he gives you. Big into over stimulation— literally loves fucking his partners senseless! Prefers a softer dom for himself; he isn’t big on degradation for obvious reasons and would rather be doted on (aka he’s a big pillow prince when he’s subby lmao)
M - Masochism (do they like pain? scratching? biting? being bossed around? spoken down to? choked?) 
Donna’s more so into humiliation than pure pain, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like getting roughed up a bit lmao BIG into choking (they’re obsessed with hands for a reason lmao) and enjoy being hit/spanked. Also big into biting, especially their neck and legs. Not a fan too much of scratching, but has experimented w/ knife play with Sam before. Doesn’t like the use of belts or whips, and definitely doesn’t like things that could seriously hurt them. But Loves to be bossed around and degraded— they wouldn’t want any of that if there wasn’t also that element to it!
As mentioned in other posts, Sam is very much into being forced into submission. He’s not afraid of pain, and in a losing situation, pretty much takes whatever is given to him happily. He’s not a HUGE fan of whipping or causing serious injury, but doesn’t necessarily end a scene either because of it. Hit him, bite him, scratch him, he’s all for it! Loves swords and swoons when they’re introduced even just as a threat during play. Is okay being talked down to, especially if after a “defeat” lmao
For Damien this is tough; he doesn’t mind getting choked or bitten, but it doesn’t take a lot for him to get uncomfortable by too much pain. Definitely doesn’t like being hit in the face, for example. It’s vital he has a safe word for play like that, or he won’t he do it. Could be into spanking with the right partner though, and is very big on “therapy spanking” (again, with the right partner) for the emotional release rather than pure kink aspects
V - Voyeurism (do they like to watch, or are they more hands on? are they more of an exhibitionist?) 
Donna loves being watched!! LOL I need to do a mini collection of all the times they’ve cucked (lovingly) Valerius while he watches lmao but they also like it in more degrading ways too, very much a “they can all see what a dirty little slut you are” sorta deal. They love putting on a show and love the potential for degradation with it lmao They can’t really help themself if they’re watching; they’ll want to join in 🥴
Sam doesn’t mind stepping back and watching two of his partners go at it. It gives him time to watch them get worked up and think of ways to really push them over the edge. He also doesn’t mind being watched— he especially likes getting caught in the act and the potential it could bring. (He’s totally been caught by Nadia before and just waved to her and kept going lmao) He’s very shameless in that regard lmfao
Damien is also one to put on a show; he loves attention, and he’ll do anything to please a crowd. Would prefer touching himself in front of a crowd than getting fucked in front of one, but it all turns him on at the end of the day lmao He’s often caught servants trying to snoop on him while he’s changing or bathing, and he teases them constantly Unlike Donna, though, he is open to simply stepping back and watching, especially if he finds the person/people attractive. He likes a lot of eye contact and loves having someone just look at him while they’re screwing someone else :3c
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aelaer · 4 years ago
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Fanworks Roundup 2020
Tagged by @dragonnan. TY, friend.
Total number of completed works: 7 completed in 2020 on AO3, 1 WIP.
Total word count: 60,854 on AO3; still about 40k I wrote for my current WIP unpublished.
Fandoms written in: MCU, BBC Sherlock, and LOTR.
Looking back, did you create more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?: Less, due to 2020 wiping me away with how exhausting it was.
What’s your own favorite work of the year?: Illuminating the Shadows. I’m trying to remind myself constantly that I am proud of what I accomplished with it.
Did you take any creative risks this year?: Not particularly.
Do you have any creative goals for the new year?: I’d like to finish Earth-197320, though I am not 100% sure I'm going to publish it immediately. I think I’d share it with about 6 people and then let it sit for some time. See below for reasoning.
Most popular work of the year?: The Man in the Crimson Cloak
Art (or writing) of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Illuminating the Shadows.
What work was the most fun to create?: The first Autodesk Sketchbook work with Stephen was a lot of fun to do. In Which Ned Becomes the Hero, And Decides Being the Guy in the Chair is Much Safer was a blast to write.
Most unintentionally telling story: Losing Battle from the title lmao. Particularly, losing the battle with numbers. See below.
Biggest disappointment:
The proportionally significant drop in all my stats. So in 2019 I wrote 206,348 words, while this year was 60,854 - at least published on AO3. So if I was on a similar trend from last year in amount of word-count to everything, I’d have about a third of what I had last year (29.4% of what I had last year, to be precise). 2019 was an *amazing* year for me, and while the traffic would certainly drop with word-count and my hiatus, I was still hoping for something resembling a similar percentage of activity to word-count.
These are the actual results:
2019:
Kudos:      2758      Comment Threads:      365      Bookmarks:      593      Subscriptions:      258      Word Count:      206348    Hits:    34795
2020:
Kudos:      464 (16.8%)     Comment Threads:      80  (21.9%)    Bookmarks:      127  (21.4%)     Subscriptions:      75 (29%)     Word Count:      60854    Hits:    4526 (13%)
If you’re not particularly good at math, I was 43% off my proportional goal in kudos, 26% off in comments, 27% off bookmarks, surprisingly got a good amount of fic subscriptions, and then a 56% proportional goal off the hits. The hits in particular took a nasty drop, though I am relieved that that is my smallest stat as opposed to the engagement stats. A creative thrives on engagement. But the problem is that I am also a perfectionist, and I strive to do *better* and be *better* but *still make content I like*, which is a fucking hard thing to do as a creative that doesn’t go for the most popular thing in the fandom space.
I try not to set expectations on the one-shots I post. But the multi-chapters tend to get set with expectations in them in my head. Both multi-chapters I wrote this year fell significantly short of expectations, and the proportion of my labor to feedback just left me feeling downtrodden. A lot of the audience present in 2018 and 2019 just wasn’t there anymore.
So I am seriously considering writing the last story of Earth-197320 for my own pleasure and then only sharing it immediately with maybe like, 10 people - a few souls who have been unbelievably kind, supportive, and expending their God-given energy throughout this awful year to give that feedback at some point. They’re basically all here on tumblr. Maybe I’ll publish it in 2022, once DS2 is out, but trying to beat the numbers is so *exhausting*. This might be kinder to myself. I just have to see how 2021 pans out to see if I change my mind, but instead of trying to beat an unbeatable game, I can just do this as a ‘thank you’ to the handful who have given the energy to give a fuck, especially during this tough past year. Words cannot express how appreciative of that I am. Sharing my writing with others to *know* they like it with a kudos, comment, or reblog is the reason I publish it. I *write* it for myself and if not meeting numbers expectations hurts less, then I’ll go that route for some of my long projects for the upcoming year. Again, we’ll just have to see.
Biggest surprise: That the people who give a fuck is about 10. I do have to remind myself time and again that this is significant, amazing, and that I don’t need to have an engaging audience of hundreds to still matter in the fandom space. A handful is also amazing.
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