#seriously tho for all my followers who might be dealing with traumas: the idea that random people are against you is false

[thesmokinpossum]

for real tho, i managed to get away from the inherently erroneous belief that people are against me by default quite a long time ago but my traumas still manifest in the latent belief that people kinda forget me the minute they stop seeing me on the reg so it's incredicly comforting/validating but a little hard to believe when people say or do things that very much confirm that they still think and care about me even if they haven't see me in quite a while, idk

[xproskeith]

can you tell i'm bored-

please answer those. i also drew a ghost for you. because i'm bored. i'm gonna answer my asks too lmao HAVE FUN!

Lmao ok but I actually love this. The you wrote it out AND the ghost! Tis the season!! 👻🎃 Now let's begin!

11: best friend?

My best friend is awesome! His name is Ben and we've been friends since we met at college for our first degrees (we'd both end up going back for nursing later. He ended up following me on that front). But we really started to get closer after we both graduated and especially after I moved back to New Orleans after moving home after graduation for a year and a half. He's just a really cool and chill guy who has always been there for me and been super supportive. We've both helped each other through some really rough times in our lives and really supported each other. He's pretty introverted, tho if you met him you might not realize that at first. It's a hilarious contrast to my extreme extroversion. I also owe meeting my wife to him. He pushed me to finally get on the dating apps and I met my wife on hinge. He also encouraged me when she and I started talking and dating seriously. He also knows how to deal with my anxiety very well and respectfully, tho my anxiety has gotten immensely better than it used to be. Still, worth mentioning. He's also said on multiple occasions how much he appreciates and like how I am just unapologetically me and an unapologetic nerd. To quote him, "genuine folks are hard to find." So that was also really cool to hear from him and just reaffirmed that being myself is the right move. When he lived in the city with me, we'd hang out at least once a week. But we text daily for the most part and still try to see each other as much as we can even tho he's 2.5hrs away now. He was my best man and gave an amazing and touching best man speech. Now, almost a year later, people still talk about it and quote him, "IDK how else to describe him other than he's aggressively friendly." it's accurate and everyone who has heard that agrees lol. Anyway, he's great and I'm blessed to have him in my life. Here's a pic of us at my bachelor trip and before my wedding. As you can see, and as I've mentioned before in various other posts, the dude is built like a Greek god lol

15: favorite movie

This is actually a hard one lol. I enjoy a lot of movies, but have a hard time narrowing down a fave. Hmm. Deadpool and Wolverine is certainly up there for very obvious reasons, but a movie that has always stuck with me since I was younger is The Prestige. It's a well done film whose twist really got me at the end. It's rare for me not to figure out a movie twist before the end and this one I did not see coming.

18: most traumatic experience 

You're gonna get 2 for the price of 1 lol. 1 childhood trauma and 1 adulthood trauma. Both cover a span of time instead of one specific incident.

First is childhood. From pretty much 1st - 4th grade, I was bullied pretty often. I was a very big and fat kid who was also nice and didn't exactly fight back, so I suppose in retrospect that made me an easy target. But beyond that, I was often made the butts of my peers' jokes or would be asked to do something silly or embarrass or the like and they'd say stuff like "of course we're you're friend!" and "if you do it, we'll be your friend." so this went as well as you can expect. It got so bad and took so much of a toll on me that my mom literally pulled me out of school to homeschool me from 5th-8th grade. This would eventually become repressed as the mind often does only to rear its ugly head later in adulthood when my friends wanted to institute a "punishment" for whoever placed last in our fantasy football league. I had always opposed this idea, but they we were really pushing for it that year. Didn't help I was dead last, but I was having such a visceral reaction and didn't know why. But I was literally about to drop out of the league because of it. Then all of a sudden the memories came flooding back and I finally understood the why. I explained it to 3 of my friends in the league, including the guy in charge, and they abandoned the punishment idea. They said they hoped they knew that this was very different and that no ill will was meant. I did, but it didn't stop how I felt. So the punishment idea was dropped.

Now for adulthood. That would be working through COVID as a nurse. This was traumatizing in many ways, but in particular there were 3 key points. The first was watching patients deteriorate and die so rapidly. Like I would leave in the morning and come back to find out my patient coded and died 3 hours after I left. They were fine before then. We also called so many rapid and codes because people would deteriorate so much and so rapidly. Despite everything I knew and docs and nurses way more experienced than me knew, we couldn't save them all or stop the rapid spiral.

Secondly, every time a code blue or rapid response is called overhead, it's preceeded by a beep on the intercom. I would hear that so many times during that time that I found myself to physically flinch and tense and my heart would race whenever I'd hear it. Even a year later when it was just happening to make an announcement. Didn't realize it was legitimately a PTSD response until I was talking to an army buddy who was like "Yeah dude that's what happens to me when my PTSD gets triggered." I overcome that by becoming the code and rapid nurse for my icu when I moved. So I just threw myself headlong into it and overcame it by exposure and desensitization.

Lastly, there was the whiplash of being called a hero and having my knowledge and insight respected only to be called a liar months later. By my own family even. I still remember making a lengthy thoughtful post about the importance of making and explaining why surgical works for day to day vs the n95 masks needed in hospital and the same day my mom made a post about how covid is a lie and masking is just the government trying to control us. My family has on multiple occasions told me my experiences weren't real and I was exaggerating, especially because I'm liberal. After many fights, we all finally agreed to just never talk about it around each other. An uneasy peace, but better.

So there you have it. My two biggest traumatic experiences lol.

21: what I love most about myself

My kindness and willingness to help people

28: a description of the person I dislike the most

Hmm I don't really dislike people. But I suppose this one older lady at work. Kind of short, white, fading blonde hair that's always short. She's always unhappy lol. Mostly dislike her bc she gatekeeps certain patients and has full control over the schedule despite not being the manager.

42: last thing I ate

Greek yogurt and pumpkin seed granola

[doomednarrative]

On the topic of listening to "Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" one too many times, and the idea that you might be identifying too much with your trauma and mental illness:

----

If you've followed me for any length of time on this blog, you'll probably be aware of two things about me:

A. I'm clearly mentally ill in some regard, and B. I use music to cope and work thru the issues related to my mental illness and trauma a lot.

The past four years have been both the worst and best years of my life. I ran away from an abusive home, I've gone thru two major breakups and one of them just absolutely rocked my shit for awhile, I've been consistently working thru my queer identity and figuring all of that out for myself, and the list goes on.

Finally leaving an environment that had trapped me in a cycle of traumatic experiences for years left me in a weird place. For once I was somewhere where my illness and suffering was being taken seriously and not constantly belittled and ignored, and my queerness was accepted and respected. And that felt great!

What Wasnt so great about that was the Overwhelming feelings of "oh my god I've been suffering for so long and now that i'm out of that place, I cant stop thinking about it and realizing how much its truely fucked me up and worsened my mental health" that came with everything else.

And with that overwhelm, somewhere along the line I started to identify with that suffering. I had spent so long in a place that refused to acknowledge that I was hurting at all, that now that I was in a place where I could truely express that hurt and how it affected me, I didnt want to let go of it.

This was a cycle that went on for awhile, and one that I didn't really realize I was trapped in until about March this year.

Enter Will Wood and his wonderful music.

I'd heard of him months before, already had Dr. Sunshine and Hand Me My Shovel in my spotify library. But I didn't really give him a Proper listen until Miles suggested I do so, and I fell in love almost immediately with his stuff. Underneath his music just being fun and wild to listen to, Will's music talks so openly and genuinely about deeper themes of personal identity and mortality and the current culture we live in, and so many other important things.

"Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" is a song about both sides of the mental health discussion and about the struggle of how everyone deals with their own personal identity in relation to their mental health treatment. Its a song that once I heard what it was really saying, it slapped me in the fucking face to say the least. I havent heard someone describe the things this song is trying to say in a way that actually made sense and summed up my feelings on the discussion so nicely ever honestly. The things Will addresses in this song are important, and its all stuff I've personally pondered on for awhile too.

Some lyrics that really stuck out to me would be these two:

"Who makes the call, whats a symptom whats a flaw, can it be both? Well I suppose thats an answer."

"Ain't your identity at stake? Does aspirin kill you with the pain?"

What a complex question, isnt it? Does treatment kill your identity, change who you are as a person? Is that a bad thing? Whats really a symptom of the mental illness and what makes it that? Do those symptoms also count as personal flaws?

What do you do when you identify too much with your illness that you feel you can't get treatment for it?

That was the real question I got stuck on for myself. Because after a lot of deeper reflection on my own behavior and thoughts towards my illness and trauma, I made a discovery I hadn't known before really thinking about what this song was saying:

I found that I was scared to be treated. I was scared of finding an identity outside of my illness. I had become so accustomed to defining a part of myself by my suffering, that i became afraid of what or who I could become without it constantly weighing me down. And thats a very heavy thing to realize about yourself, but it was a very eye opening thought for me to have.

And I dunno how much longer itd have taken me to figure out if it wasnt for this song tbh. Its just not something I wanted to think about for awhile. I became content with identifying myself by my illness, and I was resistant to seeking out treatment for fear that I wouldnt like who I'd become if I tried to treat it.

Thankfully, this is something I've been working thru more recently after having that revelation.

I don't really have some grand statement to make at the end of this. I'm really just here journalling and writing down how I feel about all of this stuff recently. But, I do think theres something to be said about how art and music can really affect people. Hell knows I've had quite a few good mental revelations about myself since listening to Wills music more recently. Its been helpful honestly.

If you take anything away from this tho, maybe it should be that its not a bad thing to examine just how much you define yourself by your illness and trauma sometimes. You might find that you're in a little too deep sometimes and want to pull yourself out.

You're more than what your illness is. And treatment for it isn't a bad thing either. I may just be learning this for myself, but I do think its true.

Just something for yall to ponder for now I suppose.

[artificialqueens]

Tension (Rajila) - Kiyo

A/N - My first submission so, I hope this goes well, this pretty much comedic with of course, a lot of tension and a questionable friendship and usage of the word platonic.

Author blog: @nilaluzon

********

"What kind of person does that to a kid-" Alexis asked in shock to what Manila had just told her. "I have no idea but he did, he yelled at him and basically made him cry because he didn't get 90% when the poor guy had like, 83% if I remember correctly."

Alexis and Manila had been having this discussion for a bit now, simply talking about stories from their childhoods, it was always fun to know what kind of stupid things they had done back then...or stupid things people in their surroundings did.

"Honey, I'm sorry but, your school was fucking crazy, these kid's parents sound like kids themselves." Alexis shook her head, all these anecdotes had been quiet crazy on Manila's end and she just didn't get it, how did people do these things and why would they? Sometimes Alexis wondered how some people did not have the blessing of common sense and it was pretty sad because other people had to endure the consequences of their stupidity.

"Girl, you haven't heard this one." Manila chuckled. "There was this other time where that same kid stole a pencil from me, so, as a 9 year old, I was pretty upset about it, so I waited for him outside the school entrance and he was with his dad." Manila explained whilst Alexis nodded, finishing her glass of wine, keeping her eyes on her friend as she spoke.

"So, I came up to them and I said. 'Hey, can you give me my pencil back, you've had it for 3 days, I want it back.' And I'm not making this up but his dad looked at him and slapped this poor kid's soul out of him over a pencil- I was so shocked, he was so freaking angry." Manila giggled, thinking back on it.

"So then, he looked at me, still very angry and all that jazz then said with the creepiest fucking angry voice to exist. 'You'll have your pencil tomorrow.' That's all he said before storming off with his kid, literally dragging him down the street." Manila chuckled. "I was just out of it the rest of that day, I thought he might have killed his kid when they got home, I felt so bad."

"Girl, Honey, Nila- What the fuck was wrong with your hometown." Alexis asked with genuine concern in her voice, making Manila laugh. "I have no idea but that was the period in my life where I felt like the only normal person because, my classmates parents either we're super strict and borderline beated their kids or they let them do whatever they wanted all the time. Meanwhile, I was at the middle ground." Manila explained, she couldn't stop chuckling, the expression on Alexis's face was absolutely hilarious.

Her expression was a mix of concern, disgust and confusion. "Ma'am, I hope you got therapy for all that trauma." Alexis sat back in her chair with her arms crossed. "I didn't-" Manila laughed again yet Alexis stayed serious.

"I can tell." Alexis chuckled and Manila gave her a mocked-offended look. "Excuse me, I'm not that bad, do I look that mentally ill to you-?"

"You wore a pineapple dress."

"That is hot couture, glamorous and unique, I don't get how that reflects my mental status whatsoever." Manila responded. "And look, atleast I was gorgeous wearing it." She shrugged.

"I'm even more concerned about you now- first of all, your friend got beat by his dad over a pencil, then you had another friend who tried smoking a cigarette at 9 years old and then someone from your class set a trash can on fire and to top it all off, you dress up as food." Alexis sighed, facepalming.

"Hey, it isn't that bad, I didn't tell you about that time where-"

"I don't wanna know Manila, no thank you. Do not project your trauma onto me, I've went through enough already." Alexis giggled, seeing Manila start to sulk because of Alexis's response.

"Do not look at me like that-" Alexis laughed, making Manila laugh as well. "You can't even take yourself seriously." Alexis chuckled. "Yes I can!" Manila said defensively with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, trying to look serious again.

The conversation could have went on with Alexis teasing her younger friend but that was interrupted by Raja who sat inbetween the two, out of nowhere, visibly irritating Alexis.

"Hope I'm not interrupting you two." Raja smiling proudly as she saw her friends look at her with annoyed expressions, well, the annoyed expression came from Alexis, Manila on the other hand looked pretty happy and excited to see the older queen.

"No, you're not, we we're actually getting impatient of waiting for you." Manila explained with a small smile on her face.

"Well, I'm old, I walk slowly so bare with me." Raja joked. "But you have long legs." Manila responded, there was no excuse- "You got me there-" Raja sighed.

"Am I thirdwheeling now or what?" Alexis raised a brow, Raja's back was turned to her, basically excluding her from the conversation with Manila. "I mean, only if you want to." Raja shrugged, glancing back at Alexis who rolled her eyes, getting up and leaving the pair to talk alone. Yara wanted to hang with Alexis anyways, so it wasn't a big deal, she definitely wasn't going to spend her night alone, like Farrah.

-----

"You won't believe me." Alexis complained as soon as she approached Yara. "You thirdwheeled?" Yara raised a brow, already knowing the answer. "Yeah, how'd you know?" Alexis looked at her with a puzzled expression, sitting next to her friend.

"You only say that to me after Raja pushed you out of a conversation you we're having with Manila, so it was quiet obvious that this was the reason." Yara shrugged as if this was casual by now.

"I've been thinking about those two, they always try and make the convo only them, well, atleast Raja does that." Yara explained, basically talking to herself since Alexis pulled out her phone. "And Raja is always like 'Manila this, Manila that.' It's weird and annoying, don't you think- are you even listening to me?" Yara sighed.

"I agree." Alexis lazily answered. "I just don't have the energy to talk about those two, they get on my nerves honestly." She sighed. "Why?" Yara raised a brow, putting her drink down on the table.

"Like you said, with Raja, it's always about Manila and meanwhile, Manila never says shit to get Raja to stop isolating her away from us, I don't even think she noticed that Raja always tried to keep her to herself." Alexis responded, thinking about the many times Raja interrupted a group dicussion by just snatching Manila away from the group, pretty weird if you ask her.

"Yeah, I mean, it's pretty obvious that she likes Nila." Yara shrugged. "Why tho?" Alexis asked in disgust, making Yara wheeze- "Do you no like Nila?"

"Well, she's fucking annoying most of the time, she can be nice but she's so noisy and never stops talking, I don't get why Raja would want that as a girlfriend, if that's even what she wants."

"That's a bit hypocritical of you to say after you've been complaining about Raja never letting anyone speak with Manila." Yara teased her friend who rolled her eyes at her. "That's why Manila is so noisy now, she barley has an opportunity to talk to us."

"You're exaggerating." Yara responded, chuckling.

"What are you guy's talking about?" The infamous and lonely Farrah Moan approached the pair. "Just about how much Manila annoys Alexis." Yara told Farrah, patting the space beside her to invite the younger queen to sit down with them.

"Hm, speaking of Manila, don't you think her and Raja are crushing on each other?" Farrah suggested before sitting beside Yara. "Exactly! That's what I was saying." Alexis responded enthusiastically at the fact someone shared her opinion. "They're both so fucking obvious." Alexis huffed.

"Like, Raja has her fucking hand on her thigh and Manila is basically eye-fucking that corpse." Alexis just wanted them to fuck already, like, stop acting as if nothing is up, just do it, no one cares. "You seem very passionate about those two for somebody who dislikes them." Farrah giggled.

"I'm not, I just find it annoying that they don't just do it already." Alexis quickly responded, it's true, Manila and Raja had never done shit about that tension between them as far as Alexis knew and it irritated everybody.

"Do what-?" Yara hadn't been following this rant Alexis started. "Fuck." Alexis sighed. "The sexual tension kills everyone, like, we'd be at a restaurant and they're just eyefucking each other and cuddling-"

"It's definitely getting frustrating to watch, I gotta agree." Farrah said. "Because they're always so close to actually doing something but then they never do it, which is kinda like you're about to climax but you don't."

"Exacta-fucking-ly." Alexis finally somebody who voiced what they thought about that duo, She basically said what everyone was thinking and Farrah confirmed her theory.

"Look, look, look, look, look." Alexis pointed at the couple. "They're so fucking close- like her hand- look at her hand!"

The two weren't even talking, just staring at each other, Manila had a stupid smile on her face whilst Raja had a simple grin with her hand rested on Manila's upper thigh, rubbing circles with her thump on Manila's exposed skin.

"FUCK EACH OTHER!" Yara yelled at them, breaking whatever moment they we're having and making them visibly embarrassed as some of their friends stared at them, glancing back and forth from Yara to Raja and Manila.

-

"Give me a second." Manila quickly whispered to Raja them speed walked over to the trio who we're intensly looking at her. "What was that about Yara!?" Manila snapped at her friend. "Nothingggg-" Yara smiled awkwardly.

"We just want you two to stop your flirting game and just fuck already." Alexis shrugged, seeing the confused expression on Manila's face annoyed her right away. "Flirting? We're not flirting."

"Please-" Farrah laughed at Manila. "She was staring deep in your soul and feeling your thigh, that isn't flirting?" Farrah was questioning what Manila even considered flirting anymore or maybe Farrah was just wrong about the definition, who knows?

"No, she wasn't even touching me." Manila huffed.

"Girl." Alexis gave her the really queen? Stare.

"Miss thing-" Farrah looked at her as if she we're the dumbest person alive.

"Oh my god." Yara facepalmed.

"What? She wasn't." Manila stood her ground, crossing her arms. "Babygirl, yes she was." Alexis sighed.

"Whatever." Yara shook her head and made a motion for Manila to go away. "Just go home, you're obviously too drunk to know whats going on."

"I drank one glass, I'm not drunk." Manila whined but Alexis was not about to deal with a Manila tantrum right now. "Take an IQ test girl." Farrah giggled before Alexis stood up and grabbed Manila's hand. "Look, darling, consider therapy, I really recommend it." She said, seriously, making Manila roll her eyes before storming off.

"Well, I hope she takes my advice." Farrah giggled and received a slap on the arm from Yara. "You're stupider than her bitch, shut the fuck up with you IQ test looking ass." She laughed. "It wasn't a bad idea." Alexis shrugged, sitting back down.

-----

Manila stormed out the club, feeling upset, she had no idea why she was but she felt betrayed in some odd way. Why would they say that and why Yara yell thay infront of everybody? Manila felt embrassed, her and Raja we're just friend, they'd never done anything together...that was complete delusion on her part to think that because Manila recalled moment's they had but it was after a long nights of drinking and excuses to so things but she barely remembered snippets of encounters.

But even if it did happen, Alexis anf Yara had no right to say something like they had ---

"Nila-" Raja snatched Manila by the wrist, making her abruptly stop in her path. "What!?" Manila snapped but turned to see Raja. "Oh, Raja...my bad." Manila sighed, relaxing a little yet still having a tense feeling in her chest. "Where are you going?" Raja frowned, letting go of Manila's wrist, noticing the red mark she'd left on her skin from grabbing her that harshly.

Fuck... Raja thought to herself before looking back at her short friend. "I was going home." Manila responded, crossing her arms. "Why? Weren't we suppose to have fun till 3 am or something? It's barely 11 pm...and you said you'dcome back to talk to me." Raja said with a worried tone in her voice, mumbling the last part butal she could think of was if there had been something that happened to Manila to make her upset her this much?

"I know, I just, I got angry, they kept saying we we're acting weird or something and I guess that it made me really upset but now that I think about it... it was really dumb to storm off, sorry." Manila took a deep breath, not being able to hold eye contact with Raja. "That's fine, they won't know anyway.." Raja responded, taking a step closer to Manila, looking down at her. "Are you calming down?"

"I think so.." Manila shrugged. "Look at me." Raja sighed. "Are you still upset?"

"..."

Raja cupped Manila's face, making her look up at her, here came the tension once more, just like earlier, Manila felt her heart beat out of her chest as Raja looked at her, she could no longer look away, she didn't want to. "Are you upset?" Raja asked once again.

"Yeah, I don't know why...they'd..say that." Manila could barely focus, she knew she was staring but so was Raja. "I see." Raja sighed. "Do you want me to walk you home?" Raja raised a brow and tilted her head slightly.

"I want you to stay with me..." Manila mumbled, hugging Raja and resting her head against her chest, hearing the taller woman's heartbeat.

"You want to stay here, outside?" Raja asked again, wanting clear answers from Manila, it was quiet cute how shy she was being but it didn't help them carry this conversation.

"Whatever you want, i just want to stay with you." Manila answered, clearly not wanting to carry on talking. "Alright." Raja sighed, now she needed to find away to break the hug without it being awkward...

"I love how clingy you are but I need to just..." Raja started her sentence, slightly bending down and passing one of her arms under Manila's knees, picking her up bridal style. "...Pick you up and get you home."

"Can we go to your place instead..?" Manila asked, somehow not bothered by the gesture.

Manila didn't want Raja to just get her home then leave her, tonight she didn't want to be left alone.. "Of course." Raja giggled softly.

Manila and Raja's friendship was odd to say the least, well, to other people it was weird but this was normal for the both of them, they'd always been quiet clingy but people thought they we're dating but always ended up disappointed when they found out that they we're just close friends.

Raja started walking, thanking the lord that Manila had made that request because she couldn't see herself carry Manila to that house, it was pretty far away, meanwhile, Raja's apartment was really close to the club they'd been at.

Raja started walking pretty quickly because people seeing her carry an upset and tired girl who looked far younger than her probably wasn't a good look at all-

-

After finally getting to the front door of her apartment, Raja carefully put down Manila who immediately hugged her arm, sticking to the older woman like glue. Raja could tell that her friend was in a very clingy mood if it wasn't obvious enough.

After finding the keys to her appartement, Raja opened the door, walking in with Manila then quickly closing the door and to her surprise, Manila pushed Raja against the wall, not hard at all but damn was she needy, being cuddly with Raja right away.

"Nila, I adore you but, don't want you wanna cuddle on the couch or in bed? The wall isn't exactly comfortable" Raja giggled, seeing Manila take a step back and crossing her arms with her annoyed expression that Raja knew all too well.

"Aw, come on, don't look at me like that, this really makes me believe you're a light weight because the only logical reason to why you'd do this is, is because you're drunk but you only drank one glass." Raja chuckled, grabbing Manila's hand and then leading the way to her bedroom.

"Make yourself at home, I mean, pretend it's not like you already sleep here 3 nights a week with me." Raja chuckled and got hit in the shoulder playfully by Manila. "I'm tired, let's sle-" Manila got cut off by the door bell ringing and Raja was visibly annoyed like Manila, huffing before making her way to the front door, leaving Manila in her bedroom to sit on Raja's bed.

-

Raja opened the door to see Bob of all people, which wasn't too pleasant of a surprise right now.

"May I ask why you're at my door step at midnight?" Raja sighed, Bob had this smile on her face, Raja would say she looked stupid but she was going to keep that thought to herself.

"Well, I know you're pretty lonely most of the time so, I was wondering if we could hang out since Monet is busy tonight." Bob suggested but got caught off guard when she saw Manila walk towards them, hugging Raja's arm and resting her head on her shoulder. "What's up?" Manila asked, not bothering to look at Bob as she kept her eye's on Raja.

"Oh- Nothing much." Bob chuckled awkwardly, she must've been interrupting something and she clearly felt tension build between her and Manila and it wasn't exactly positive.

"Babe, you didn't tell me Bob was going to come around." Manila looked at Raja, clearly annoyed by Bob's presence. "She just dropped by to ask me to hang out-"

"-You're gonna leave me here? You promised you'd stay with me, I love your apartment but I love it make when you're with me." Manila whined, hugging Raja tighter. "Of course not, I was gonna tell her that I'm-"

"-We're busy." Manila finished Raja's sentence then eyed Bob who was clearly regretting every life choice that led her up to this moment. "Okay, well, I'll be on my way-" Bob chuckled awkwardly then quickly walked away, borderline running, not waiting for Raja to close the door.

-

Raja locked the door then looked at Manila with an intrigued look. "Are we busy...babe?" She asked teasingly. "Mhm." Manila smiled. "You really are a handful, you scared that small bean away." Raja giggled.

"My plan worked, now we won't be bother by anybody, it'll be just us and that weird Madonna poster you have in your living room." Manila giggled. "I don't know if I'm offended or amused." Raja sighed and shook her head. "I don't have the energy to defend that fabulous poster right now so, I'll just agree with you." Raja chuckled.

"Can we go sleep now?" Manila whined. "With that attitude, we're not sleeping." Raja grinned. "Aren't we?" Manila giggled at what Raja was suggesting. "Are you that tired?" Raja sighed. "Not anymore." Manila smirked.

"Good because..." Raja smiled and cupped Manila's face. "I want to make you my babe tonight." She kissed her softly. "All platonically of course...as always." Raja chuckled. "All platonic." Manila giggled.

There was absolutely nothing platonic about their relationship but no one knew that nor did they have to know. Having their friends push them together when in fact they already we're together most of the time in many sense was quiet funny to say the least but, tonight there was no laughing about who and what somebody said...tonight they'd be beating up the word platonic.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 11-15

So this round already has two other posts out of it about Oliver because he Bae.

These have alot of ideas regarding entities changing around reality, controlling non victims to set the stage, and turning around what people love most to their worst fear. Also insane abilities of the crew to obtain hard to access info and evidence! And some more Jon sass. Enjoy!

11 dreamer

Wow this episode had alot. I made a separate post with a theory about Oliver's statement here and a realization regarding him and Jane Prentiss here. They are alot to unpack

Oliver is so. Freaking. Relatable! Learned economics and hated it. Nearly had a breakdown like him because of it. "going to stay with some of the few friends that had survived my year of stress-fuelled outbursts and constantly cancelled plans." yep. That.

Boyfriend Graham ey? You notebook eating Graham?? Wow that guy is full of surprises.

I love the dream sequences and their descriptions it's a really beautiful thing to try and picture.

Its interesting how he went from passive to desparate to passive again about death. He tries but can't help. I wonder when the dreams started to bother him so much he sought after the silence of point Nemo. Was it when they became so full of red because of the apocalypse coming closer? Hmmm

Another person named John. I guess that makes sense it's a common name. But I forgot how many people are fully named in this podcast. Hundreds of names to come up with! Jonny I'm quite impressed!

He worked with Jane Prentiss in the magic shop! I can't believe I forgot about that! Wow small avatar world indeed.

"It led me to a room, the label of which was still visible, and read “Archive”. I entered to see walls covered with shelves and cabinets stretching off into the distance. These shelves were coated in a sticky black tar, which I knew at that moment was the thickened, pulpy blood that pumped through each and every one of those veins." everything that has to do with the Fears I bet. Full of death and destruction and stolen from the veins to be out on display for the Eye's pleasure.

Yo Jon is scared of this he's seriously considering going to Elias for advice

" I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke" wait. He trusts TIM? Not to do a practical joke? How. Why. Eh?

"died in the line of duty" fuck you Jonah.

Now Jon will get every new statement immediately when it's made. Perhaps this was Elias' intention all along. To scare him into making sure he does not miss any paranormal activity recorded by the institute.

12 first aid

I'm not immune to more Gerry badassery, hell yeah

And we get polish Martin which hell yeah! Even if Jon doesn't believe it. I'm sure he's repressing the fact that he's thoroughly impressed.

I think it's really interesting the effect entities have on people who are decidedly not their victims. Everyone leaving no questions so the entity can set the scene for the scare. Like with Gillespie how no one lived in the apartment building he was in etc. Alot of work into a handful of people being genuinely scared.

Gerry's burns stopped at the neck? How did he manage that. Also it's hilarious to imagine that he's like "yes burn all of me but please. not my goth makeup"

Zippo lighter with eye design!! And Jon has web design! They are brothers (joke but still really interesting)

Liquids were boiling around her and she didn't feel the heat. Also an interesting effect just for the scare.

Gerry got eye superpowers like Jon if he can function while injure and filled with painkillers.

“Yes. For you, better beholding than the lightless flame.” Gerry knew she'd be haunted by a Fear from that day on and realised that perhaps being watched would be easier for her specifically to deal with than the Desolation. I guess that's a way of assessing people. Which fear would least bother you.

Jon is already enamoured with Gerry you can tell. He can't wait to hear more from him. Just you wait Jon.

They really can access alot of information huh. CCTV Interviews files. Pretty impressive for a non-research team. They're so good at it they'd rather do that than actual archiving.

13 alone

The sound editing in this episode is not that great it was a bit to get used to.

We get a glimpse at the Lukases which is... Ugh

Jon is actually trying to be nice. Granted it's not working and she is a bit of a standoffish person herself who just went through a bad time but alot of her reactions are not his fault. He was trying to be considerate giving her space to record but he did stay when she asked.

She had already leaned into the Lonely before the incident it's interesting to see how some of these statements start with a person actually liking the aspect that later turns to fear. Same happens in lost johns' cave.

Evan Lukas sounds like an avatar of the exact opposite of the Lonely. At least to her. That's a really interesting effect from someone, especially a Lukas.

But maybe dying wasn't his family killing him but him not feeding his patron which he tried to leave. Really tragic.

She was in Martin's domain eyyy!

It's got a bit of buried aspects to it with the grave stuff and all.

"My fingers dug into the soft cemetery dirt as I looked around desperately for anything I could use to save myself, and my hand closed upon that heavy piece of headstone. It took all my self-control to keep a grip on that anchor, as I slowly dragged myself away from the edge of my lonely grave." The headstone was her anchor? But it said forgotten. I wonder how it helped her pull away. It probably had to go together with Evan's voice. Like the rib and the tape recorders having to work together! I just wonder what meaning the stone had for her.

"I’d be tempted to chalk this one up to a hallucination from stress and trauma, if it wasn’t for the fact... " God he does believe her heavens. He's not a skeptic!

This is when Jon's dreams start which... Good luck Jon.

14 piecemeal

Rentoul is terrifying sonofabitch and I would never want to meet him irl

I remembered them talking about how he was supposed to be a person who cursed alot and they couldn't do it because of sensor and I have to agree this could have been much better for the story. I tried imagining curses in some places.

LOL Jon reading this is funny. Trying to voice act the bad boy. Doesn't sound right on his voice.

With these kinds of statements happening alot where the person does something bad, the institute has to be in touch with police over them. The nda has to include that.

Hello Angela! I really wonder what her deal is. She scared the bid bully so she gotta have creepy vibes to the extreme.

Another lighter! Hmm do I have to start following the lighter motiff in this podcast. This one has a topless woman on it. Flesh lighter?

Salesa's also appearing that's cool! Noriega was probably looking for an artifact to reverse the curse. Didn't work tho since they left with the crate. The buried crate perhaps?

I'm wondering. Was this written? Because the statement sounds like he's talking. If so, Where's the recording?

Oh Jon your attitude towards Martin is so bad. He works so hard and it's not even in what he's good at, sorting and filing like he knows how to do from the library. God.

What's the deal with all the furniture gone? Did he think it'll help not get injured? He's not that smart if he thought that would help him.

15 lost Johns' cave

Ack a bad statement she was not a good person all around

Another example of the entities setting the stage by controlling others not to interfere with the victim's experience.

Also another example of the person liking the subject (cave exploration in this case. And the dark for that matter) only for it to turn against them.

Not much to say about this one other than its one of the scarier ones for sure. And her recording in the end is really the cherry on top. There is alot of discrepancy between what she believed happened and what actually did which shows how much the fear plays with and changes around reality. That's also how she manages to lie in a statement to Beholding. It wasn't a lie. It was her version of reality and she did not remember saying those awful words.

Taught me alot about cave diving and how much I will never do it in my life.

The Dark was mixed into this as well so it wasn't purely Buried.

Btw Where did she get the candles she was found with?

It feels like she made a choice. Didn't want to spend her last moments with her sister and then didn't want to die. She chose her sister to be taken over her. Her sister called for help and the candle coming closer might have been her! But she just shut her eyes.

How did Tim gain access to the recording?? Wow that's some prime evidence.

Martin is claustrophobic amongst other things huh? Live how Jon just dismisses this as an excuse not to work. At least he didn't push it.

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1: s2ep22 Out of Mind and s3ep01 Into the Fire

Ah two of my all time favourites. Maybe even THE favourites. They’re just SO good. Also my shipper heart cannot take it but we love torturing ourselves here so lets go. 

I’m gonna try and do enough that y’all get at least one post a day and scheduel them to go up periodically :) 

This go very long so I hope it posts properly. 

Ooooh mysterious tank

I mean honestly this was suspicious from the get go

Don’t trust this guy

JACK

YOU’RE ALL WET JACK

Is he? 

Are they dead tho? Are you sure? Cause that sounds fake... 

You see, the year is now.............. 2077

CREDITS

Teal’c looks all big and scary but really he’s a precious boy

End credits

TERYL ROTHERY

honestly that device looks very Star Trek

Missed opportunity to make a 69 joke

Girl he has been asleep for 79 years he probably remembers shit all 

Good boy, answer nothing. Don‘t trust the random men that woke you up

thats not sarcasm, I don’t trust them either 

“the rest of the facility” riiiiiight

Wizard of Oz reference

38 teams is a lot of teams

MMMMMMMM sounds FAKE

DON’T TRUST HIM JACK

General whats his face just dropped something on the ground

STARGATE

Jack is handsome

Me: I’m gay

Jack O’Neill: Yeah sure ya bethcha 

Are ya just? What makes ya think Jack can help? he’s been asleep for 79 years

Tok’ra mind probe

Benefical alliance my ass, what did they ever really do for the Tau’ri??

Except promise to send a ship when they “had one available”

So thinking of Sam right now would be BAD Jack. 

NOX

I LOVE THE NOX

WHAT CUTIES

look at them, they’re so sweet

Jack stop thinking and showing them shit 

Could be a great weapon but the Nox are peaceful and beautiful and I love them

LITTLE GREY ALIENS WITH THE LITTLE GREY BUTTS

Thats a big ship

This is the only “look at all the shit we’ve managed to do so far” episode that is actually any good

Why don’t we meet the Furlings?

I wanna meet them 

They sound fluffy

I love the baby asgards look at ‘em so cuuuuute

Kathrine! You’re great girly

“Touch it” *Jack touches it without knowing what it does, could die*

Jack waving his gun to touch the molecules seems like a bad idea

Yeah let him rest stop bullying him

purple goop

stop the pruple goop Jack

purple goop is never a good thing

Oh look... ANOTHER tank

DANNY BOY

Please cover your nipples

I don’t wanna see your man nipples

A third tank... funny that

SSSSAAAAAAMMMMMM

Funny how none of them are ACTUALLY dead

LIES WE’VE JUST SEEM THEM

Get these people some clothes

leaving her wrapped in a blanket is rude

Blanket looks like a mat tbh

BRATAC

SKARRA

Daniels hair is so bad in this episode I’m not sorry its HORRIBLE 

He has a SHIELD Jack

FUCK YEAH JACK THROW THAT KNIFE YAS

HATHOR

I love Hathor hosts

She’s great honestly

Sam and janet and the girls kicking ass is the best

RIP Hathor 

No seriously Daniel’s hair is BAD

Teal’c

JANET

ah yes, unusual 

Teal’c is so passionate and caring about his friends I love him so much

THREE FUCKING WEEKS?!?!?!?!

janet is such an angel you can’t convince me otherwise

Are they tho? 

Yeah he would but Teal’c with do anything for his F A M I L Y

Well he will leave

Aw Teal’c I love you with my entire heart

That zoom in on the patch is nice 

YES JACK STOP THE GOOP

Nice kick! 

BYE TEAL’C I LOVE YOU

AWW THIS EXCHANGE IS SO NICE 

AW THE SALUTE BABE NO THAT HURTS MY HEART ITS SO SWEET

#SorryNotSorry but Jack looks so fucking good in this outfit 

Like... he looks sooooo good

God I am questioning my sexuality left right and centre today

But seriously can he dress like that more often? 

Go get ya girl, Jack!

Oh look... not the SGC 

WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED

Serpant and Horus guards! :O

STOP THINKING BABE

THEY GONNA FIND YOOOOOU

SAAAAAAAAAM

BEAT THIS GUYS ASS AND SAVE. YOUR. GIRL

O U C H THAT WOULD FUCKING HURT

SHOULDER TOUCHING 

SHOULDER RUBBING

SHOULDER TOUCHING 

SHE IS TOUCHING HIM

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD FOLLOWED BY A MEMORY OF HIM NEARLY DYING 

SHE’S STILL HOLDING HIS SHOULDER

STARING AT HER NAKED BACK

TRYING NOT TO STARE AT HER NAKED BACK

HE IS SO IN TROUBLE 

HE FANCIES HER SO MUCH 

I MEAN SAME

she also looks good but like he looks better???

GRABBING

WALL HOLDING

HANDS TOUCHING SHOULDERS

PINKY CURLED IN SO HE DOESN’T TOUCH BARE SKIN

COULD HAVE MOVED BUT ISN’T MOVING 

THEY WANNA HOLD EACH OTHER

DEAR GOD

sorry I’ll stop with the caps

I just physically cannot with those two

i love them so much

and i hate how they were treatd

Hathor you idiot, 

SUANNE

LOL Jack 

Servants in the royal court? Yeah sounds great

Rude Jack

lol the pat on the shoulder Jack you dick

uuuuuuhhhhh didn’t notice before how HOT IT IS WHEN HATHOR RUNS THE IDC REMOTE UNDER SAMS CHIN AND THE LOOK SAM GIVES HER I-

ACK SNAKE

I hate them the same way Jack does tbh

they make me squirm

Give it to Daniel. Why is Daniel the only one that never has a snake in him... wait... 

sorry but I just wanna talk with the national captions institute... 

Alright! On to Into the Fire! 

DAVIS

MAJOR DAVIS I LOVE YOU

MY FAVOURITE

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH EVEN IF THINGS DO FALL TO SHIT WHENEVER YOU’RE THERE

Dramatic zooooom on Hathors name for E M P H A S I S 

CREDITS

I love how Hammond is like EVERYONE is saving SG1

How DARE you, Daivs. They are THE team, rude!

I love that everyone steps forward because everyone loves SG1 but also everyone knows you don’t leave anyone else behind. 

I love Hammond

MARTIN WOOD :O

He is a great director

Ew snake

Jack still looks fucking good 

Jack now is not the time for sass 

Give it to Daniel. No one cares

Sam is like “I’m not scared bitch bring it”

Of course it wants Jack

Poor Jack

Why is it always him?? 

You tried, buddy

Sam’s hand on his CHEST PLEASE JUST GET MARRIED

TEAL’C 

BRATAC

Sam literally hates watching Jack in any pain 

Poor Jack

Hathor fuck off

What exactly was the point of ripping his shirt? It makes no difference to the snake going in the back of HIS HEAD

Ew

oh gross

i hate it

I hate it so much

ugh the chills I currently have

Suanne Baun is super pretty though

YAS TOK’RA LADY

WE RESPECT AND LOVE YOU

Another Wizard of Oz reference 

Sorry Daniel looks so bad

its the hair honestly, the little dorky fringe

Sam’s hair, on the other hand *chefs kiss*

Yeah but he’ll be fine, Tok’ra lady saved the day <3 

YAS GIRL

NOOO Poor Tok’ra lady

Sorry fam, I forgot her name lol 

Sam pulling that jacket on, Sam in a jacket thats a little too big for her , Sam in a white shirt.. Sam

Yeah they are Teal’c. 

Dead and false and dead... or is he???

Hand dance

Energy barrier is in the way, boys continue to shoot

oh no shooting towers of death are never a good sign

And of course Daniel got hurt so we have to baby him for the rest of the fucking episode jfc just sit him down somewhere and Sam and the rest of the teams can do the hard work... again

Cool Tok’ra tunnels are Cool

Lol Daniel being sassy (oh its just a deep, bleeding gash, it’ll be fine) lol sorry he is funny when he’s sassy

I’m sick of your army already, Hathor

OOOOH a barrier 

Hammond is awaiting 

Why do they give them such short time periods to do shit? Like they know things go wrong literally ALL THE TIME 

Like “hi you have 24 hours to go into a SECURE, GOA’ULD FACILITY, RETRIEVE THREE SG MEMBERS AND GET OUT. PIECE.OF.CAKE”

6 hours is a long time to sit on your hands and do nothing tho. Ah well might as well go and save the boyfriend

The president can suck a rotten potatoe

Davis, you can’t really argue with him, he outranks you about 4 times

Sam’s sleeves are too long and baggy and its SO CUTE

GO SAM

SAVE THE DAY

BUT SAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIRST 

Hammond visiting Chulak 

because he’s an angel baby

and the best dad ever to his four kids; Major Dr Science Space Baby, Sassy Grumpy Fruit Loop and Sam Carter Loving Space Baby, Warrior Gentle Giant Space Baby and Annoying, Doesn’t know shit, Archaeologist Space Baby.

Yas Teal’c, spill that tea

I will join you, bb

Hammond in a toga will also join you cause he a babe

and he needs your help cause Davis said No. 

HAMMOND OF TEXAS IS MY FAVOURITE THING EVER I LOVE IT 

Sam: I’m gonna go and shut this shield down

Sam: but not until I have tried to save my Future Husband. 

Poor Tok’ra lady

Hand on chest again

Fucking Hathor man

Go away boo, you’re ruining the moment 

Stop hurting Sam

YAS JACK FUCK YES I LOVE THAT

I love his response to it too

Like the shock and fear

This hug goes on a long time

I know he’s cold or whatever but like... 

and I know he’s in shock and so is she a bit

he’s doing it for her as much as him

but they’re STILL hugging

They literally never do this again

Its so sweet because after this its just... nothing? Like POV happens and then Upgrade and Divide and Conquer and they go ah fuck we can’t hug anymore so all we get is platonic shoulder holding and using shoulders as pillows. The closes we get to a hug is Death Knell and emotional trauma Threads. I want a REAL hug

And he holds her arms for ages and helps her up

Wow they’re so fucking in love this hurts

“Found ‘em” Jack stop so cute

C4! Who’d have thought it

Ah shit they’re surrounded 

He still looks good

They BOTH look good 

They make a great couple 

Nope, not really but its what ya got so you’re gonna have to deal with it

This general guy is a bit of a dick

Thats right Sam, don’t listen. Good job, Danny boy.

Only 1? Thats not a lot of time

Get out there, Jack! Buy that time

Gun Bum! (if you know Sanctuary, you’ll get it)

He’s really not doing a great job of pretending to be a Goa’uld

Its really not impossible 

ex-goddess lol 

“She’s Gone. She is no more.” I’m honestly shocked people didn’t shoot him more often 

I love him tho

Thank god, thats good timing

Hammond is IN. HIS. ELEMENT 

There is no way she heard hiom say now but she still knew. I love them. I love how well they know each other and they’ve only known each other a little over two years

Time to KICK SOME ASS

JAFFA YAS

ooh coming in from behind, sneaky

YEEHAW

OH HAMMOND YOU PRECIOUS BABY

Sam going straight to Jack and it looks like she goes to put her arm around him. 

I hate them ffs

Bra’tac and Human fuck me thats so cute

Sam’s smile when they see Teal’c and Hammond is Gorgeous

and Hammond patting her on the back! stop! I love Space Dad and his idiot Space babies. 

Final Thoughts:

Seriously guys this is my favourite Final and First eps of a season. 

100% one of my favourite two parters, if not my all time favourite two parter

Great direction, good story, excellent bad guys, good acting, just enough suspense with out being too drawn out, something for everyone, comes of the back of a fun as fuck episode (1969), Hammond has a big part, Davis is there, lots of cute Sam/Jack and of course, Daniel’s Elf Hair. 

Also the Tok’ra are actually useful in this one which is SHOCKING 

Lemme know your thoghts friends, I’m excited to hear them! 

[legobiwan]

I’m freaking out because i just...i’m SO psyched for the Kenobi series but i’m so afraid that they’re gonna give him a romance. I hate it because i...i just, and you’ve talked about this before, he’s he perfect Jedi. To Obi-wan, being a good person IS following the code, even after the order is gone. He wouldn’t have realistically ever left the order for kryze (even tho i don’t consider that canon that always felt ooc to me) or the others bc he’s completely devoted to the code above all else 1/2

Especially after what he saw happen to anakin and padme because of that attachment. I highly doubt he would, 8 years later, be willing to even have temptation of a romantic partner. And god forbid we hear more Rey Kenobi theories. I’m just worried Disney is going to do a disservice to his character bc hollywood HAS to have a romance plot in everything. Do you think they’ll go down that route? 2/2

So we’re dealing with a few different issues here. Let’s break this down:

“The Perfect Jedi”

Obi-wan attempts to be the perfect Jedi. He tries, oh so hard, to keep himself at that exacting, impossible standard. Of course, no one is the perfect Jedi - not Obi-wan, not Yoda, not Mace Windu - and certainly not Qui-gon. (And yet there is something in there, the delicate balance of striving towards excellence as opposed to striving for perfection, and it is an important distinction, one that I don’t think the Jedi, as a whole, always got correct as a sense of extremism took root within certain sectors of the Order.) Now, the reason behind this predilection - well, we could point at a few factors. Obi-wan’s sense of impostor syndrome (not at all helped by one Qui-gon Jinn, who seemed to be constantly thinking Obi-wan was somehow behind on his development, as shown in Master and Apprentice.)

(There’s a whole other meta I’ve touched on regarding the whole inter-Lineage…I don’t want to use the word trauma, but let’s just say they all inherited their predecessors’ issues and manifested them very differently.)

But yes, from the get-go, it seems that Obi-wan needs to prove himself. To Qui-gon, as a Padawan. To Qui-gon’s memory, when he takes Anakin. To Anakin, to prove he could be the Master of the Chosen One. To the Council. Etc. It’s a lot of pressure on one person. And the thing is, Obi-wan cracks, more than once. His sardonic, biting sense of humor is indicative enough of his less-than-perfect adherence to the Code, not to mention all the rules he bends for Anakin, his devotion to Satine - which is an interesting case study. In the end, Obi-wan does not succumb to Maul’s taunts to go feral/Dark Side but Obi-wan’s actions on Mandalore, precipitated by his very un-Jedi actions regarding Satine, set off a cataclysm of far-reaching events. As does his refusal to kill Anakin on Mustafar, which could be construed as a wild infraction of the Jedi Code. I mean, had Obi-wan killed Anakin, made *sure* of it and not walked away, what would have happened?

And yet, he tries to do good. Even as he realizes his faults, his part in moulding galactic events. Obi-wan could have done more, could have done differently, and yet despite his awful circumstances, he never gives in to hate. He is flawed, imperfect, but still holds on to some core part of himself. And I think that core part is something…that’s not the Jedi Code. The Code, in the end, is meaningless after Mustafar. (And I really REALLY hope the series touches on this idea of loss of faith, because Obi-wan held on to the Code so tightly, as a way of justifying so many of his actions because what else did he have? And I love existential crises when they’re not my own. HA!) The Code may have been his way of telling himself he was doing good - was doing what Qui-gon wanted, what the Council wanted, what was best for Anakin…but I wonder when Obi-wan sat down and thought about what he wanted for himself? Without expectation, without other people’s narratives. (Okay, so I may be projecting a bit here.) 

I’m getting off-topic here. Would Obi-wan have left the Order for Satine? No. He would have thought about it, fantasized about it. But at that point, he would have been too wrapped up in expectations to actually do anything about it. And by the time the Clone Wars came around? He was too responsible, too enmeshed. And…you know, I get it. I’m around Obi-wan’s age in TCW/RotS. There’s so much narrative to unpack in your life, so much expectation that you can internalize or throw away and whose story is it anyway? Those around you? Your own? Some odd mixture therein? But Obi-wan wasn’t ready to let go of that narrative, of those expectations, of the ghost of Qui-gon and so, no, he wouldn’t have left the Order. But there would be nights, those nights. When the lights have dimmed in the quarters on board the Star Destroyer, when the company you keep is an empty durasteel table, half a bottle of Corellian whiskey, and twenty years of what if…

But you were asking about romance, about attachment. (So often conflated, although never one and the same. Or perhaps they are different terms for the same idea, not love in the carnal sense but illogical devotion to someone or something. I always like the idea of there being many words, ideas for love, as the Greeks made popular in our culture. Love, or attachment to an idea or a thing can be just as wonderful, as intoxicating and dangerous as it can be with a person.) 

Realistically? An Obi-wan set adrift in Tatooine might get attached, despite everything. (The novel Kenobi does a fantastic job of illustrating this.) We yearn for connection, and someone who has all but cut themselves off from interaction with other beings…how long can you hold out? 

This isn’t to say I would support a full-fledged typical Hollywood romance in the series. Because honestly? Not the time or place. 

Now, if it is something where Obi-wan feels a connection with someone and then purposefully acts against it? I would be okay with this. As it would be in service to the idea that he is (tragically) cutting himself off, believing himself to taint others, to be less than. And given the trajectory of recent streaming, I’m more confident than I would have been a few years ago that a series can do without a “typical” romance. (Which…thank the gods for that development. I don’t mind natural romance (I’m looking at you, Good Omens), but the shoe-horned heteronormative plots I was forced to endure through the 80s, 90s and early 2000s were…tiring, to say the least.)

We’re in a new era now, with these streaming services, with the impact fandom has on media, with social mores changing for the better, in my opinion. (But seriously, it’s wild for an old fogey like me to watch unfold. A little weird, I’m not going to lie, but on the whole, a positive development.) I’m going to put my faith in a few things, including a) Ewan McGregor wouldn’t have signed on to this if it weren’t going to be something interesting and nuanced (and gods know he held out long enough, so I’m assuming the man has standards) and b) Disney wants our wallets and has a pretty good grasp of its demographics (probably a scarily accurate grasp, but that’s another story for another time), so I’m not too worried about a prototypical romance plot.

Now, as to Rey Kenobi theories, I have to admit, I enjoy them, only because I’ve been struggling for more Kenobi content recently. I doubt that’s the route they’ll go down, especially in light of all the rumours circulating about Episode 9. And so, in the end, what I hope (and believe) we’ll get is a very human story about a man who tried to live by a narrative and failed, and tried to reconstruct himself not totally escaping the chains of those events and people, but still trying to do good.

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x03 Musings

My initial reaction to “The Queen’s Justice”

^I dub thee “Casterly Castle”

I guess the title refers to Cheryl finally delivering that poetic justice for Madison’s death via Poison Ivy lipstick (which I’ve been told was only a thing Ivy did in Batman and Robin; she’s usually just more a dramatic biochemist nerd with pheromones. I’m so sorry, Ivy.). I guess it could also be Deadpan not randomly giving Jon her help for nothing in exchange, because that’s actually a decent sense of justice. It was pretty obvious D&D were writing this one again, with the nonversations featuring strongly. Let’s dive in.

Dragonstone

A lot happened here, and yet nothing did at all.

Jon is a fucking idiot for arriving with just Davos, and it’s beyond clear that he should have listened to Sansa and everyone else cautioning him from going, because he was immediately in a position where he had no capacity to defend himself, and nothing to offer Deadpan at all.

Really glad Tyrion reminded us HOW NICE he is about not raping Sansa when they were married. More points for him being THE BEST. Sorry. If you know me, you know this one is a specific bugaboo.

Some say the dragon CGI didn’t look good, but frankly it didn’t bother me that much. I was much more distracted by Tyrion’s alcoholism jokes and Jon’s mouth breathing

The Mel & Davos scene felt like it worked last night, but after reading over Jess’s review today, I have no idea why I thought that. Mel was literally just saying she was peacing out, and then creepily said she and Varys would both die in Weisseroff, so I guess they will. It was…fine? But also “the plot needs me over here now!”

I felt like Deadpan and Jonny were asserting different things every few minutes. I’m also assuming we’re supposed to view Deadpan as the spoiled entitled shittier leader, while Jonny is a man of the people who drops his g’s at the ends of his sentences.

this would have been somewhat possible to be sold if Jonny hadn’t been given a kingship for being the world’s biggest fucking idiot

Also, Tyrion’s point about “you should just kneel if this war to the North is all that matters to you” is really, really salient. Like…what did Jonny expect in this? He *said* Deadpan needs him, but actually how? What she needs his 4 surviving Wildlings? The Manderly forces?

Oh wait, that’s right, the whole theme of this season has been “how can we illogically deplete Deadpan’s massive and unbeatable army?” She learns about Yara’s fleet and decides not to keep Jonny as a prisoner, but a guest, before storming off.

I’m probably remembering this out of order, but we get some kind of war council scene where she suggests riding her dragon to like…BURN Euron’s wormhole-navigating fleet?

But no. Apparently she could get shot with an arrow so it’s never going to happen. Let’s ignore her biggest military advantage.

We also get Jonny & Tyrion 2.0: who broods best? Aka D&D write shitty lines for cheap fandom jokes.

It is kind of amusing to watch Jonny have his own idiocy pointed out to him

Then Tyrion runs to Deadpan and tells her to play nice, because she’s been a very naughty little school girl lately. Also they need allies because things are going tits up with his masterplan of incompetence. I just can’t take the fucking infantilizing tone, though I did legit laugh when Deadpan called him on “a wise ma n once said.”

Uhhh finally Deadpan & Jonny’s 2.0 scene? She decides to let him mine dragon glass because Tyrion asked nicely. I can’t think anything positively about either of their leadership capabilities, nor do I think D&D have much interest in showing them. Can we just get on to boat sex already?

Cheryl’s Landing

The biggest issue I have is how the smallfolk of Cheryl’s Landing are even more mercurial than the Northern Lords. Now they’re CHEERING Euron despite knowing Cheryl burned everything down? Why don’t they give any shits?

I don’t know who Euron is playing this week. Moriarity? Julia says a bad magician. Are we supposed to find him intimidating?

Legit found Cheryl’s approach to governance compelling this week. She secured an ally with a promise of marriage *after* the war is won (why the fuck is Euron so interested in this?), and was a savvy negotiator with the “we love the slave trade” Iron Bank of Braavos.

I can’t begin to deal with the Faullaria death scene. Longest fucking thing in the world, and it was just D&D reveling in murdering characters we hated because they put no depth into them. Everything about it was horrible, absolutely everything.

even the stupid “poetic justice” of the kiss. Just stop.

Larry loves Cheryl! Cheryl’s maid loves Cheryl’s style! What in the fuck is happening??

Winterhell

BRITTANY’S BACK

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings:

"a female character is empowered without resorting to violence, sexual manipulation, or dismissal of typically feminine-coded traits or activities" happened tho, with Sansa's ruling scene. It was one of the scenes I really enjoyed this episode (until littlefinger started to talk)

Yeah man, for sure. It was actually nice to watch, even if the larger pattern of their conception of empowerment is totally fucked. I have a feeling this one won’t be staying around

Also my god, that Batfinger speech was one of his worst yet. It makes chaos is a ladder seem like the smartest thing ever uttered. “See all possible outcomes”? Um…you didn’t, you fucking moron. Remember when the Sansa Marriage Strike blew up in literally everyone’s face?

at least Brittany wasn’t into it

Aaaaand then Bran came with a brand new personality! He wasn’t able to emote or give any shits about his sister, and then forced her to relive her trauma by talking about it in really creepy, deadpan, voyeuristic tones. Yay!

this Bran came out of NOWHERE. He became the Three Eyed Sydow last year (or something), so…where was this creepiness then? He seemed to be able to engage with Meera and Benjen and stuff. Was the baby crossfade THAT momentous?

I’m glad Brittany ran away from him. I rather stanned her this episode

Oh btw Theon is alive.

Apparently the Ironboors who survived can intuit exactly what happened on his ship, rather than thinking he got thrown overboard or something.

Hogwarts

I almost forgot this was in the episode

Greyscale is cured! Forever! This plot really mattered so much!

no are we supposed to be affected that Jorah was contemplating suicide? Are we supposed to care that Sam figured this out from what Jess described as a “wiki-how”?

just someone kick Sam out already. This is going nowhere

THE BATTLES

I’ll direct you back to Jess’s review if you haven’t read it already. She does an AMAZING job at explaining how Tyrion’s voice-over removed all dramatic tension.

Fuck traveling logistics, amirite? Of course Larry can sprint around Weisseroff in two weeks. I feel like they threw that timeframe in there just to piss us off.

Again, the importance of Casterly Castle was never in evidence. Larry didn’t care about it enough to abandon it. Tyrion described it as “impenetrable” and even went on to say how once inside, the Unsullied would *still* be outnumbered.

it makes Tyrion seem like an idiot, especially with Larry knowing he’d take it, so was this supposed to be his hubris? But it was never framed as hubris. So…

Oh look, Euron’s fleet warped from somewhere in between Cheryl’s Landing and Porne to Casterly Castle. That works!

Then Larry just warps and takes Highgarden off-screen, because apparently D&D say that the Tyrells are shitty fighters. What. No seriously, what? Where did that even come from? And taking a castle is still kind of a big deal.

^this was a tad disappointing for Highgarden.

Frankly, where did the Tyrell army even go? Tarly’s an important bannerman, but not like ALL of it

The best part was that Diana Rigg seemed as happy to be done with this stupid show as I was for her, so there was a good amount of energy in her scene.

the whole “Cheryl is the worst” thing didn’t land as usual, especially when immediately followed by her confession about murdering Joffrey, but she was just so gosh darn plucky about it!

Aaaand that’s all I’ve got! Boy Deadpan sure is in a pickle that her amazing “divide and fail to conquer” plan was as bad as @turtle-paced described it last week. Add to that Larry’s sudden competence, and she just might yet need Jonny!

Top 3 nitpicks:

Casterly Castle being single-handedly built by Tywin and Tyrion having actually constructed the sewers himself. Not just running them…constructed them.

The Iron Bank investing in the slave trade

The smallfolk LOVE Euron and Cheryl now

Did this land for you? I was seeing tweets about how smart the writing was and just...WHAT. Though Brittany was boss ass, if I may say so myself.

[raining-down-on-the-system]

Not gunna lie (a sorta update turned long rambley and dissociative

Crap's been bad. Stressful and hard are the best ways to describe the last 3(?) ish months... It seems like just as everything gets back to "normal" something else comes up... The vast majority has been external stress and happenings. Now though, certain things are transferring to internal bs too and there's literally nothing anyone of us can do about it. Our probably lowest functioning alter in our section was apparently just starting to make sounds, from what I understand there wasn't really anything close to words but sounds alone are a big deal for her. Well somehow word of this got to a persecutor - I really am not comfortable naming anyone here...idk it's all really personal and still really fresh so, yeah, you guys understand... - anyway our persecutor got a hold of her and brought her back to the section over, which none of us /but/ this particular alter has access to (unless she brings you there herself.. obviously) which is REAL damn concerning bc she won't tell anyone - including my bf who she's got a good relationship/trust with (or at least it seems.. idk I'm really sketched out by this tbh) - why/ for what purpose she brought her over there, or anyyyy details surrounding it besides just "it's Otherside stuff, don't worry about it" or hella vague statements like that... (Otherside is the name of the section over from... us? Lol idk how to word it, I don't wanna say "main section" but like???? We literally just call the section we're all in "Inside", the whole of the inner space is called "inner world" like.. 'normal' to differentiate, even though it's super close.. basically we've never been able to agree on a name for our section) Anywayyyy the worry is abuse happening innerworld/ Otherside more specifically based on what we know of her and Otherside.. I'd have to check the dates cuz I'm not 100% positive, but I'm fairly sure this all lines up with some intense and sudden family stress that I don't plan on going into due to contents of it.. idk why I feel the need to explain myself... pretty sure anyone following me who bothers to read all this will probably understand how sensitive content can be difficult/ triggering for both the writer and reader.. this is a damn DID system blog for fucks sake. But point being I'm super concerned for what this could mean, especially as far as unraveling trauma, because tbh I've basically been avoiding that like the plague in therapy... like I'm a crazy curious person by nature, and I want to learn all there is to learn, but am also like a pro at deflecting emotion and (trying to remember how my therapist says it and failing apparently lol) - I legit give up on the end of this sentence I've been trying to figure out the words or even remember for the last like 5mins but I'm tired and starting to dissociate and ughhhhhhhhh....... this is annoying but I just really want to be able to finish my vent... So attempting to continue on... I'm like no good at accepting/ dealing with trauma or anything when presented with it - except occasionally when it's presented purely as fact and void of emotional backing, intent or charge.. lol - which is part of why my bf and I work so well together, were both lower empathy so we often step back and speak theoretically and non emotionally which works really well for us especially when problem solving and stuff. Ok but I've lost track of what I was trying to say again. But I'm keeping all this cuz it's helping me process I think so I can hopefully stop thinking myself in circles RIGHT ok trauma work.. yeah I'm scared shitless of it even though some sick part of me desperately wants to know... And pieces of things are starting to fall together a lot quicker than I would like all of a sudden and too many things are fitting logically together to come up with a most and more than likely scenario of early life events that was only really theorized by me until now and idk that I'm ready to accept this it's too damn much too quick like I had my ideas but I also kinda thought it was all bullshit and nothing would come of it and I'd just be a stupid and crazy young adult with differing issues than originally suspected but I think that's exactly the "cover up" if that makes any sense. It's my safety screen because I'm too much of a p*ssy to face up to any of it... Whelp... congratulations Tumblr... you've officially seen my thought process in writing as I slowly dwindle into dissociation and an existential crisis simultaneously... that's just great.... I'm not deleting any of this tho because I want the record of it tomorrow so I can get it down on paper or something... My therapist is gunna love this lol (like in the sense that she'll approve of me looking emotionally at events and such and communicating them.. at least I hope so?? Hi Stace!!!! lol it's me from the past!!! F*ckin trippy! K but seriously do you approve cuz now I'm paranoid and probs might cry but actually also probably not... just sayin) Guys Idk how to deal with this... imma be honest I'm freaking tf out by everything happening all around me. Like now I can't escape it regardless of where I go - not that that matters because amnesia is still being a regular bitch which I blame on the constant stress???? Does anyone else have that problem??? Amnesia getting worse while more stressed I mean, not just like switching more or something, specifically forgetting any switch. Cuz for a while communication was getting better and now it's gotten worse again.... Normal? Anyone?! ALSOooooooo I'm going through a phase of remembering my dreams right now and with all the stress (and how vivid they always are anyway) they've gotten extra weird and uncomfortable and are pulling ideas from like every corner of our waking life and meshing them together into confusing and jagged (that's not the word but the closest approximation I can make right now) dreammares... like they're not quite nightmares but they leave us with this sense of unease for sureeee... I could still hear the small child from my dream screaming for like 5mins after I woke up... (in the head, not like a hallucination) which leads me to believe it was possibly actually coming from somewhere inside but I don't really have a good way to confirm that and again with the whole curious bit a pussy thing I kinda don't wanna knowww.............. but I do but I really don't but I also do so like... fucking send help???/!!!?!?!?!? K I'm don't writing I'm a fucking mess and I can't tell my ceiling from a sea cave right now... -Jinxy

[travelingnabi]

This post will be a different kind of post. I know I posted my thoughts on Circle before but I also wanted to post a sci-if analysis of the drama. Since I took a sci-fi class one semester in college, I am totally qualified to do this haha. No seriously tho, that’s all we did in class.  Unlike the previous post, this analysis will be full of *MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS* so if you haven’t watched it you’ve been warned.

The story in Circle is about the mystery behind the technology of Smart Earth in 2037. A set of twin brothers are the key to that mystery and both went missing in 2017. The story unfolds both in the present 2017 and in the future 2037. The present is called Beta Project while the future is called Brave New World, so I will be referring to them as Beta and BNW. Of course, any sci-fi junkie, or high schooler who was forced to read the book, knows that Brave New World is a reference to a book of the same name written by Adolf Huxley. In Beta, Human B, a secret organization that is working on advancing technology in memory manipulation and those associated with it, hope to build a brave new world with the new technology they are researching. Specifically the technology to erase memories and have perfect society with no crime. Why erase memories? Because psychological problems like PTSD or guilt from actions you’ve done will no longer exist in your mind and this creates happy citizens. In BNW, we see that Human B achieves this goal and Smart Earth has been running smoothly for 5000 days (or about 13 years and 8 months) with no crimes. However, not everyone lives on Smart Earth and there are plenty of people that live on Normal Earth. Actually most of the world lives in Normal Earth and only South Korea has the technology behind Smart Earth and will not sell it to other powers.

Since Circle’s plot takes place in the years 2017 and 2037, the story is a near future science fiction story. The story doesn’t explore what happens beyond 20 years from our present time. Smart Earth is a utopia, a place where everything is perfect. There is no crime and everyone is happy. So another facet of Circle’s story is that it’s a utopian story, literally a brave new world. The antagonists in the story even refer to their idea of the future (Beta) and the actualization of Smart Earth (BNW) as a brave new world. The technology behind Smart Earth is very vague. It is not really explained throughout the story and you are left waiting until the end. All we really know is that it’s a chip in people’s head that controls memories and feelings, and it’s able to record memories. There is no clear explanation of how it truly works other than the research stems from an alien’s ability to do it and that she ends up regretting giving this power to humans. Therefore, I would say this is more of a soft science story. Circle is an exploration of “what if we could control our memories and get rid of bad memories” and we see this implementation in Smart Earth. The citizens, without knowing, have their memories erased in order to keep them happy. Even Woo Jin, the main character of Beta, says at the beginning of the drama that he believes the best cure for PTSD is to get rid of the memories of the trauma that caused it. Okay so Smart Earth is interesting and all but we can’t forget about Normal Earth. The setting of Normal Earth makes Circle a story about a dirty future as well. Normal Earth is plagued with bad air quality and there are dust storms that roll in. Citizens even carry masks with them in order to protect themselves from the air condition.

The dust storms are actually the first thing I noticed in BNW. It’s no secret that Asian countries have been dealing with a dust problem that stems from the deserts of Mongolia, China, and Kazakhstan. During this century, the dust clouds have been getting worse and filled with more pollutants than before. In Korea, this annual dust is called the 미세 먼지 (mise meonji), or fine dust, and has been a big topic in the news. If you follow anyone who lives in Korea, then you know they’ve been affected by the increased concentration of dust this past spring. So it comes to no surprise that a future Korea in a Korean sci-fi drama will be plagued with dust and air pollution problems. And similar to the alert systems in place now about air quality, there are alerts for the citizens in BNW about the air quality and warnings to stay inside if possible. The foot traffic in Normal Earth is significantly less than in Smart Earth and those in Normal Earth sometimes walk with masks on or seek shelter inside when possible. This future is not far-fetched and is actually just an exaggerated version of the current reality in Korea.

Another big topic that sets the theme for the whole drama is memories. And specifically the link between memories and past trauma. From the very beginning, Woo Jin mentions that he believes the cure for PTSD is forgetting. If the memories don’t exist, then people would not have to deal with the psychological damage that comes from the trauma they’ve experienced. This is an interesting point of view and makes sense to me. Even if you haven’t been through something super traumatic, aren’t there things you wish you could forget like someone calling you stupid or something you regret doing to someone else. Wouldn’t it be better to live a happy life without all the bad memories? That is one of the key questions that the characters in the drama wrestle with as the story unfolds. But why does Woo Jin think this? We see throughout Beta how Woo Jin’s problems in life stem from memories. He only has two family members in his life, his brother and his grandmother. Beom Gyun is stuck in the past and neglects Woo Jin while his grandmother has dementia and doesn’t even know who Woo Jin is but lives happily. So the idea that forgetting can make you happy is great but there is another side to this coin. If you forget, even if it’s just bad memories, then are you really still you? Our past experiences, good and bad, make up who we are. So if you forget your bad memories, do you also lose a part of yourself? Another question to munch on is this: if you forget the bad things you’ve done, do you also lose the responsibility of setting things right? Whether it be jail time or a simple apology, shouldn’t you be accountable and reflect on what you have done? We see in BNW how criminals and victims live happy lives side-by-side in Smart Earth. This revelation happens in the drama when Ho Soo confronts the father of his late girlfriend. This man sexually abused his daughter and it was so traumatic she had committed suicide. But the father has no memory of what he had done and even had another daughter. The viewer gets the sense that the man lives a good life and is a good father to this other daughter, and we sees how Ho Soo struggles with the reality of the world he lives in. So what is the right answer? Is it good to lose your memories to be happy or do you keep the memories and yourself but possibly suffer psychological pain?

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We live a world that is dominated by new technological innovations coming out constantly. In the past decade, South Korea has become a big contender in the tech battle. In the world of Circle’s BNW, only the Koreans have the technology behind Smart Earth and many other countries want it for their citizens. The key technology behind Smart Earth is a chip that is inserted into the user’s brain. This chip can identify you, locate you, and control you. By control, I mean that the computer regulates your emotions in order to keep you calm. This is why there has been no crime in Smart Earth. The citizens are unable to do something drastic because they have something keeping them in check and tracking them. In order to enter Smart Earth, you need to have a chip inserted into your brain if you haven’t had one inserted already. Another functionality of this chip is that it can video record memories. So a citizen who has a chip can look back at their past memories and authorities can also use this as well. The chip might sound scary but it’s not all that different than how we live our lives now. We carry phones that have tracking and identity information on them and we record the things we do using the camera on our phones. Of course a phone doesn’t control our emotions like the chip does in Circle. The control part of the chip is not a secret, those who choose to enter Smart Earth know that they will have their emotions controlled to keep peace. However, the citizens are unaware how powerful the chip is in controlling their minds through memory. The technology behind the chip is very interesting. The chip starts out in the form of a bug in Beta. For the longest time, I did not understand why a bug but after mulling it over in my head, it makes sense that a bug can be used to move through the brain and find the “sweet spot.” This will be where it can connect to the brain and function properly without disrupting the user’s mental capacity. And in Beta we can see the failed attempts of experimenting this bug-chip by the suicides students committed who had the bug in their brain. The ability to record memories has so much potential. Imagine being able to relive your life or share your experiences with your friends. Honestly, it’s something I’ve always wish I could do. But there are also other uses, like surveillance cameras on the street, video memory could serve as evidence that is stronger than memories which can change. In a way, with everything being recorded, you can’t really lie about what you’ve done or said. That’s why watching the video recording element of the chip in Circle made me think of Ted Chiang’s “The Truth of Fact, The Truth of Feeling.” It’s a short story that follows a journalist in a world where people record lifelogs with personal cameras and explores the idea of memories. It’s an interesting read. (BTW Ted Chiang is the writer behind the short story that became the movie Arrival).

Let’s look at the characters in the drama. Kim Woo Jin is an every man. He is a normal 20 year old college student trying to get through school despite the life struggles he faces. Woo Jin gets propelled into the story when he suspects his “older” twin brother, Kim Beom Gyun, is behind the string of suicides that had occurred at his university recently. Woo Jin spends a lot of his time following and trying to find his brother, once he disappears. Beom Gyun is a foil to Woo Jin. Woo Jin and Beom Gyun are twin brothers and both witnessed when Byeol appeared and when their father and Byeol left a year after her appearance. This is where they start to contrast. Woo Jin, who originally claims Byeol is an alien, rejects that idea and sticks to reality. He sticks to logic and tries making a living for his family while attending school. Beom Gyun didn’t believe Byeol was an alien but after their father disappears, he becomes obsessed with the idea that Byeol is an alien and spends his life looking for her. He is so obsessed with finding Byeol that he ends up almost attacking a girl and ends up in jail getting psychological help prior to the beginning of the drama. Both are dealing with the disappearance of their father differently and in the end they try finding their father and his research about the chip.

Byeol is the beautiful alien monster. She appeared in front of the twins in 2007 and disappeared with their father in 2008. She doesn’t speak much but is beautiful. In Beta, she reappears as Han Jeong Yeon, the daughter of professor Han Yong Woo. Jeong Yeon still looks the same as she did ten years before. However, she has no memory of being Byeol and only has memories from the past two years. When Woo Jin encounters Jeong Yeon, he tries to use logic and writes it off as coincidence until he is proven otherwise. On the other hand, Beom Gyun is convinced Byeol and Jeong Yeon are the same people. Jeong Yeon’s father Han, is a mad scientist and partners with Woo Jin’s father. He picked up the research after Woo Jin’s father disappears and hides the research. Han becomes obsessed with cracking the technology Byeol had given to Woo Jin’s father. So obsessed that he ends up killing people in the name of science and creating a brave new world.

Under professor Han is assistant professor Park Dong Gun. I would call him a capitalist. He finds out that Han is working with Human B to create this new technology that can change the world. Throughout Beta, the revelation unfolds of how Park manipulates his way into taking over the research and becoming the elusive chairman of Human B in BNW. Park craves for power and uses the chip to his advantage to keep himself on top. Kim Joon Hyuk is the main character in BNW and he is on a quest to figure out who the chairman is and what happened to Kim Woo Jin twenty years before. Joon Hyeok is the hero of the story, but he has amnesia. After waking up ten years after the events in Beta, he had no memories of who he was, Beom Gyun. All his “memories” come from video footage of Woo Jin’s memories. We see the story unfold from his eyes as he puts the pieces of the puzzle together. In BNW he encounters Lee Ho Soo, the hacker Bluebird who is Jeong Yeon, and Minister Park. Together they work to find out what happened to Woo Jin (until they find out Park is the chairman of course). In BNW, Jeong Yeon is still the BAM but also a hacker. Ho Soo is a corporate drone. He believes in Human B and will do anything to keep order and stability. He watches Joon Hyeok and tries to make sure he doesn’t do anything out of line. However as Bluebird hacks the system, Ho Soo regains his memories and tries to believe in Human B until he can’t anymore. He ends up siding and helping Joon Hyeok and Jeong Yeon to find Woo Jin and expose Park.

The fact that I can make a comprehensive science fiction analysis of Circle gives me hope of the possibility of K-dramas exploreing the realm of SF. Overall, Circle is a good quality sci-fi story with many key elements of sci-fi in it. The setting and plot are well planned and doesn’t have that disconnected vibe that can happen in k-dramas due to the ongoing filming. I’m not sure if it was pre-produced or not. One thing I did like about the drama is that it has an open ending. One question isn’t answered: where did Byeol come from and why did she come to earth? The drama ends with another alien landing on earth, indicated by a meteor/light falling at the end of the drama. I like this because that wasn’t really the main focus of the drama and just a question the audience is left to ponder over. The writer also mentions he doesn’t plan a season 2 of the drama. The main focus of the drama is the question of memories and their importance to us as humans. At one point in the drama, the characters accept that Jeong Yeon is not Byeol because she doesn’t have her memories. Jeong Yeon is Jeong Yeon because she has Jeong Yeon’s memories. You are your memories and that the story the drama tells.

I wrote a sci-fi analysis of #Circle check it out! This post will be a different kind of post. I know I posted my thoughts on Circle before but I also wanted to post a sci-if analysis of the drama.