#seriously this is what is going through Sev’s head at all times

[isurrendertoclones]

Delta Squad: Oh haha Sev is such a scary ‘psycho’

Sev:

[mutilatemyheart]

"Scorch didn't reply. He could hear Fixer snoring mechanically in the next bunk, and the noise now seemed reassuring rather than something that exasperated him enough to pour a jug of water over his brother while he slept."

I often think about this passage from Order 66. Fixer snoring is just the cutest thing to me. It got me wondering if Scorch ever really did pour a jug of water on his brother in the past. Which then led to me writing this. -

The cockpit was quiet and peaceful when you were the only one awake. Scorch never liked the silence. He had told Sev that when he was still and alone, his thoughts grew too loud, but Sev didn’t mind being the one up late to make sure the ship stayed on course without incident. Sure, he was tired and his muscles ached from being in the heat of battle for days without end, but Boss would be up to relieve him soon. For now, he got to cherish his time alone and enjoy the view that being in hyperspace gave him.

The door behind him hissed open.

“Trouble sleeping?” Sev asked. Boss wasn’t supposed to be up for another hour.

“How can anyone sleep with Fixer snoring louder than the engines?”

Sev turned to look, not at Boss, but at Scorch. His brother crossed his arms and leaned against the control panel. Fixer’s snores were as annoying to Scorch as Boss’s gravely cough had been to Sev the last couple of missions. At least gargling bacta could keep their Sergeant’s coughs at bay for some time. Fixer’s sinuses didn’t care if he drank the entire container, his snores weren’t going away anytime soon.

“Plan H240.” Scorch shot a mischievous smile at his brother. “I’m doing it.”

“He’s going to kill you.” Sev shook his head and fought down the smile trying to creep onto his face. Plan H240 had always just been a joke, but he couldn’t say that he hadn’t thought about seriously doing it himself.

“You can keep my helmet to remember me by,” he snorted and headed for the door. “What do you think would be big enough to use?”

Sev cast one last look out the viewport to make sure everything still looked fine before following Scorch. This was something he didn’t want to miss. He could already hear the sound that elicited Scorch’s loathing before they had even made it to the bunks. The almost perfect repetition of it echoed softly around them. He almost felt bad for his older brother. It wasn’t like Fixer was doing it on purpose, and sleep was such a rare and precious thing to all of them, but his curiosity to how it would all play out kept him from stopping what was about to happen.

Scorch rummaged around as quietly as he could until he pulled out a medium sized jug that he waved in the air triumphantly then headed for the ‘fresher. Light spilled across the floor as the door opened. Boss shifted in his sleep, his breathing hitching for just a moment before resuming it’s steady, deep pace. Sev shot a quick look at the two sleeping Commandos as the sound of water flowing from the tap whispered its way toward him. Waking any Commando suddenly was dangerous. Waking them this way was unfathomable…. And they called him psycho. They all needed to take a harder look at Scorch.

Water sloshed over the edge of the jug slightly as Scorch moved silently across the room. Sev felt like he was watching a large beast stalk its prey through thick underbrush. He hesitated as he loomed over Fixer’s sleeping form. His eyebrows knitted together. His teeth dug into his bottom lip. For a moment, Sev thought that Scorch had changed his mind.

Until the water made contact with Fixer’s face.

The Commando jolted upward, his head hitting the top of the bunk. Scorch jumped back instantly. Sev inhaled sharply through his teeth.

“Kriff!” Fixer shouted, grabbing his forehead.

“What’s going on?” Boss was awake.

Fixer stood up, water dripping from his body and falling to the durasteel floor like rain. Sev knew that Fixer was just as lethal as the rest of them. He had seen his brother kill on several occasions, and he also knew that Fixer preferred hands-on combat with a melee weapon better than anything else, and right now, Sev found himself grateful that Fixer was only in his blacks.

“What the kark is wrong with you?” he shouted when spotted the empty jug in his brother’s hands. Fixer slammed his palms roughly against Scorch’s chest. “Are you out of your damn mind?”

Boss stepped between the two and nodded toward the ‘fresher. “Go dry off.”

His tone left little room for argument, but Fixer didn’t move instantly. He only stood there glaring into his younger brother’s eyes as if trying to rip out his soul through his eye sockets. Boss stood unwaveringly between them until Fixer turned away and disappeared through the door of the ‘fresher before turning to look at the smug grin on Scorch’s face.

“What the hell possessed you to do that?” Boss asked, folding his arms across his chest. His face was set in the ‘no-nonsense, serious boss’ look that he used mostly when dealing with Jedi.

Scorch shrugged. “C’mon, Boss. Don’t act like you’re not tired of his snoring too.”

Boss narrowed his eyes. “You won’t have to worry about his snoring because after you clean up the water, you get to keep watch in the cockpit for the foreseeable future.”

Scorch scrunched his nose in disgust before giving another shrug. “Still worth it.”

[sexysapphicshopowner]

🤎 Context/AU (Alternate Universe): Modern AU- Some random tidbits about you and mechanic!Sevika's relationship after her Christmas confession

🤎 soft!mechanic!Sevika x bubbly!mechanic!reader

🤎 CW/TW: suggestive language, not proofread, useless lesbians, smut, wlw ship, no use of y/n, pet names, blossoming relationship, you and Sev are actual idiots, unserious smut, lowkey crack

🤎 A/N: Ask me about this couple and I'll answer anything!! I didn't really know where I was going with these headcanons, just wanted to get into the feel for them before I write a New Year's fic for them

🤎 Notes: Idk what this is, don't... we not gone talk about it

🤎 Word count: 3.4k

🤎 Surprisingly, dating Sevika is much different than simply pining for her 

🤎 First of all, the woman is a sap 

🤎 She’s so unbelievably cute, it’s almost criminal 

🤎 Sev is the older of you two, but she’s the bigger baby 

🤎 Your regular flowers begin coming with metal ones that she welded for you to match whatever type she’d just bought for you 

🤎 Date nights are now much more elaborate- she picks you up with flowers and a little gift for each date, even if it’s just like a movie or bowling or something like that 

🤎 Hates spooning 

🤎 She prefers to wrap herself around you with her head smushed in your tits 

🤎 She actually asked you about it at first as well 

🤎 You two were on the couch, she was rested between your thighs as she played some game on the tv and you had a hand idly playing in her hair as you scrolled on your phone 

🤎 She looked up at you a few times before she finally spoke, “Hey sweets?” 

🤎 You hummed, “Hm?” 

🤎 “Which spoon do you prefer to be?” 

🤎 You thought about it for a few second, fingers still carding through her thick strands gently before you responded, “With you? Little.” 

🤎 “Hm.” 

🤎 “What’s that for?” 

🤎 “I don’t like spooning.” 

🤎 “Oh?” 

🤎 She nodded as she turned back to her game (I headcanon that Sev plays the sims in this modern au), “Yeah. I would rather be face to face when we cuddle. Or... face to chest.” 

🤎 You rolled your eyes, thumping her ear playfully, “Mmcht, you just wanna touch my tits.” 

🤎 “No, ‘m serious, babe. For one, there’s more warmth that way. Two, we can get closer. And three, I can hear your heartbeat that way. It’s calming.” 

🤎 She’s too fucking cute 

🤎 On days where one of you works and the other doesn’t, she always requires at least an hour of kissing and cuddling to unwind 

🤎 Your matching jewelry goes beyond your charm bracelets now- you two each have a necklace with the other’s name on it that neither of you take off 

🤎 Movie nights are spicier, usually ending in a heated make-out session 

🤎You’re both still idiots who can’t take each other seriously though 

🤎 Every time Sevika says something romantic, depending on the timing and delivery, you’re either melting or cracking up in a fit of giggles 

🤎 Sev on the other hand can’t take you serious when you start trying to talk dirty to her 

🤎 She finds dirty talk to actually be kind of awkward 

🤎 Take every time you tried to be a little flirty before the two of you had sex for the first time 

🤎 Once she was watching television and you just looked up from your phone to say, “You’ve gotta stop looking like that.” 

🤎 “Like what?” 

🤎 “Fuckable.” 

🤎 She always looks away with a little blush and a cough to clear her throat, “Oh.” 

🤎 The closest you guys got to fucking for the first time was during a movie night 

🤎 You guys were watching ‘Princess and the Frog’ 

🤎 Well, you were watching 

🤎 Sev’s back was turned to the tv as she tucked her face into your neck, pressing methodical kisses to all the spots she knew would make your breath hitch a little and send a shiver down your spine 

🤎 You had a hand entangled in her hair, your other one propping you up so you could try and focus on the movie and not her lips 

🤎 At least until her hands slid under your shirt and she looked up at you 

🤎 You looked down to find her smirking at you, “What? Is there something on my face?” 

🤎 “No.” 

🤎 “Okay? What’s up, you stopped.” 

🤎 She held eye contact as she slid your shirt up just the slightest, lips meeting the base of your throat, “Can I go under your shirt?” 

🤎 Your pussy? Aching right now 

🤎 You nodded, stammering softly, “Y-yeah... sure...” 

🤎 She looked like a kid who’d just gotten a piece of candy as she pulled your shirt up over your breasts 

🤎 You weren’t wearing a bra, having taken it off earlier in the day because it was ‘too hot’ 

🤎 You forced your eyes away from her as you looked back up at the movie 

🤎 She took her time, kisses trailing down your breast, lips narrowly avoiding your nipples even as they ached in anticipation of being invited into her mouth 

🤎 You shifted slightly, releasing a soft breath the moment her tongue circled your areola 

🤎 She slid closer to you, slotting one of her legs between yours as your hand came back up to entangle with her hair as her mouth latched onto you, tongue drawing quick circles around your nipple 

🤎 You were wearing some biker shorts and one of her t-shirts while she wore a wife pleaser and some sweats 

🤎 The combination of her mouth on your breasts and the slight pressure of her thigh up against you was almost euphoric, especially considering how much you’d been needing a release lately 

🤎 She let out a chuckle as you started to rut your hips against her thigh, her hand sliding from your waist to grip and palm your ass as she helped you along, pulling you against her leg with every upward thrust of your hips 

🤎 The sound of you dissolving above, turning into a mess of little whimpers and whines with every second you drew closer to coming was all she needed as she showed attention to both of your breasts as evenly as she possibly could 

🤎 She didn’t release your nipple once you came, slowing your hips down against her 

🤎 It wasn’t until you tapped her repeatedly, panting softly as you stopped the movement of your hips with a breathy mumble of ‘wait’ that she stopped 

🤎 She kissed back up your chest, pulling your shirt back down, “Enjoyed yourself?” she teased. 

🤎 If it weren’t for you getting too sensitive so fast, you were pretty sure you guys would have actually fucked that day 

🤎 Regardless, there was no rush 

🤎 This leads to you guys’ actual first time together being almost completely hilarious to the both of you 

🤎 It’s full of giggles, whispers, and ogling 

🤎 When Sev sees you fully naked for the first time, you thought she’d actually short-circuited with the way she froze 

🤎 You burst into giggles, closing her mouth, “You always turn into a fly catcher around me, hotshot. Like what you see?” 

🤎 And boy did she ever 

🤎 She runs her hands over your curves, committing each part of you to memory 

🤎 It’s not serious for long though 

🤎 Well, it is because this is you guys’ first time having sex together, but also... it’s you and Sevika, you two can’t take anything too serious 

🤎 The giggles have returned once it’s Sevika’s turn to get naked 

🤎 This woman, I kid you not, decides that this is the time she wants to ‘try to be sexy like you’ by stripping 

🤎 She’s a mess of Magic Mike moves done half wrong because she spent most of that movie covering you in hickeys and whispering gay shit in your ears 

🤎 But the funniest part is how she struggles with each article of clothing 

🤎 She starts with her shirt but she ends up fumbling on the second button, stopping the sway of her hips to whatever music was playing in her head as she lets out a huff, looking down to focus on getting the button undone 

🤎 Amidst your snickering, you reach out to help her, but she smacks your hands away, “Just gimme a sec... almost... got it.” 

🤎 Next are her pants and oh boy- 

🤎 You’d swear her belt buckle was a rubik’s cube the way she struggled to unhook it 

🤎 Once she’s made it down to her bra and boxers your giggles die down- only a little bit because she’s still humping the air and making fuck boy faces at you (she calls it her ‘stripper smoulder’)- but your focus is 100 percent on taking in her body 

🤎 Sure, you’ve seen her shirtless before 

🤎 In the really hot summer months when the A/C is finnicky and all leaving the garage doors open at work does is make it hotter in the shop, you can find her either with the top of her work jumper hanging loose around her waist and shirtless, or at the very least in a wife pleaser that she’s constantly raising to wipe the sweat from her forehead 

🤎 Back to the present though 

🤎 You find yourself getting pretty hot- and wet- once her bra has been discarded (she kept fucking up with unhooking it, it would come undone just to get hooked onto the next hook over), anticipating the removal of her boxers so you can take in her full form 

🤎 She’s fucking dripping 

🤎 So are you, but who’s asking? 

🤎 The two of you are just taking in each other’s bodies, not really saying much as your eyes trailed over her from top to bottom and hers from your bottom to top 

🤎 She was practically towering over you where you sat on the edge of the bed, silently appraising your body with a soft reverence in her eyes 

🤎 She reaches out to lift your chin as she finally speaks, voice softer than you’ve heard it since she first clumsily confessed her love to you 

🤎 “You’re so unbelievably beautiful, sweets...” 

🤎 You gulp down a breath, answering shakily as your eyes traced up the scars littering the left side of her body to meet her eyes, “So are you...” 

🤎 That first night is probably the softest sex you’ve had in your entire life 

🤎 We’ve already discussed that girlfriend Sev is a huge fucking sap, but in the bedroom on that first night? Oh it’s even worse 

🤎 You think you might explode as she pauses for the umpteenth time to study you, her eyes drinking you in as if she’ll never see you again after this is over 

🤎 You lean up to press a kiss to the tip of her nose, whispering, “We don’t have to keep going if-” 

🤎 “No, I want to... ‘m just... I dunno what word I’m looking for I feel like I’m short circuiting...” 

🤎 You let out a little chuckle, pulling her into a warm kiss as you mumbled against her lips, “’S okay, baby... I know what you mean.” 

🤎 A few times you both end up giggling when you make eye contact, it’s cute and it’s you and Sev unapologetically 

🤎 When she finally makes her way between your legs, holding your thighs over her shoulders, she looks back up at you and you immediately burst into giggles 

🤎 She rolls her eyes, giving a quick little nip to your inner thigh as she looked back up, “Stop laughing or then I’mma laugh.” 

🤎 You held a hand over your mouth with another little giggle, shaking your head, “’M sorry, Sev, but I’m just...” You let out a little happy sigh as you looked back down at her, “I’m happy, okay? I’m not laughing at you, I promise.” 

🤎 She shook her head, placing a few kisses around your core as she mumbled, “You’re so cute.” 

🤎 You don’t even have time to offer a retort before her mouth is connecting with you 

🤎 You’re seeing stars, feeling fireworks, butterflies, all of the things as she drinks in your taste, savoring the feel of you against her tongue 

🤎 She lapping between your lips with slow and teasing strokes, her nose hooking against your clit perfectly with every upward stroke 

🤎 When you come, it’s euphoric, heavenly 

🤎 Sevika comes from the sound of you alone, your fist wrapping up in her hair as her name fell from your lips almost like a prayer 

🤎 She kisses back up your body, stopping to show some attention to your breasts before finally making it back up to your lips, “How was that, sweets?” 

🤎 “Y-you... yeah...” you breathe. 

🤎 Embarrassingly enough, you fall asleep before returning the favor, Sevika pressing soft kisses to your skin as she rubbed your hips and ass 

🤎 Sex from then on with her is a regular occurrence 

🤎 The next point of sort of awkwardness is living arrangements between the two of you 

🤎 Sev has mentioned that she doesn’t mind moving you into the penthouse with her 

🤎 You’re almost never at your own apartment these days, it makes sense 

🤎 Then comes the anxiety 

🤎 You’re pulling away from Sevika unintentionally as you start to freak out about moving in with her 

🤎 At this point you guys have been in a relationship for almost a year now and best friends for 3 and a half years 

🤎 Because of this, Sevika notices the change immediately 

🤎 Your kisses are shorter 

🤎 You’re spending the night less than usual 

🤎 You’re quieter whenever you are over her place 

🤎 It’s not until you walk in on her cooking without smacking her ass or giving her one of your playful little gropes as usual that she says something 

🤎 “Sweets.” 

🤎 You didn’t even look up from your phone as you scrolled through Instagram idly, “Yeah?” 

🤎 The sound of your government name is what snapped your attention up to her 

🤎 She hasn’t called you by your actual name almost since you guys have met, more often than not it’s always ‘Sweets’ or ‘Baby love’ 

🤎 Sev’s face when you do finally look up doesn’t make you feel any better either 

🤎 In fact, you get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, anxiety skyrocketing as you wait for her to say something else 

🤎 “What’s going on?” 

🤎 “What do you mean?” 

🤎 She folded her arms, a hurt look all over her face as she points out how you’ve become stand-offish with her, “You’ve been being weird. And not my usual ‘haha, I like to freak out my girlfriend’ weirdo. You haven’t slept over in almost a month... are we okay?” 

🤎 Your heart breaks as you realize how in your head you’ve been lately 

🤎 You nodded, moving closer to reassure her as you took hold of her hands, “We’re more than okay, I’m just...” you let out a little sigh, looking away only for her to bring your eyes right back to hers. 

🤎 “Please...” 

🤎 “I don’t wanna fuck things up if we move in together.” 

🤎 “What do you mean?” 

🤎 “Like... what if you don’t like the way I load the dishwasher? Or what if being around me both at home and at work almost 24/7 gets annoying? Or-” 

🤎 “Sweets. You realize that we’ve been practically living together since before we even got together, right?” 

🤎 “Yeah, but-” 

🤎 You’re cut off by her lips against yours, shutting you up effectively before she pulled away, looking down at you as she speaks quietly, “Look, if I was tired of you or thought you were annoying, I would’ve never gotten so close with you in the first place. I love you, okay? And I promise you that the fact of my love for you is not gonna change ‘cause we live together full-time suddenly.” 

🤎 “Promise?” 

🤎 She pressed another kiss to your lips, holding your hips closely, “I swear to you. I love you, sweets. More than anything.” 

🤎 You guys move in together officially within the next month 

🤎 Your first Christmas as a couple is actually a small event 

🤎 Sure, you guys attend the company Christmas party as a couple, but before that you realize just how much you’ve rubbed off on her when she wakes you up at midnight to open your gifts- just like you told her your family used to do when you were younger 

🤎 You two are useless fucking lesbians I tell you 

🤎 You got each other the same gift actually 

🤎 Like the exact same gift 

🤎 The main gift was a pendant with both of your birthstones and your meetiversary (the anniversary of the day you two met) date engraved on it 

🤎 You both were a mess of giggles when you unwrapped the matching necklaces 

🤎 “You got this from-” 

🤎 “Kay Jewelers?” Sev finished for you, causing you to start laughing again. 

🤎 “I love you, Sev.” 

🤎 “Oh really? While I love you as well, maybe you should wait until I show you the other gift I got you,” she hints with an almost suggestive look. 

🤎 You’re ready to marry her on the spot when she takes you to the shop, showing you your next gift 

🤎 It’s a custom restored 1957 Cadillac Sedan Deville 

🤎 You jumped onto her, hooking your arms around her neck as you squealed, “Baby, you didn’t! Oh my fuck- I love you...” You whispered the last words into her neck as you melted into her. 

🤎 She simply chuckles, wrapping her arms around you as she presses kisses along the side of our face as best she can with the way you’ve tucked yourself under her chin, “Been working on it since last Christmas. You like it?” 

🤎 You answered her with a fat kiss on her lips, kissing all over her face sloppily as she held you up from you jumping up into her arms 

🤎 Safe to say that you guys spent almost the entire day leading up to the party fucking between every activity 

🤎 Just put the gingerbread cookies in the oven? You guys are fucking on the kitchen counter 

🤎 Just finished watching a movie? You’re fucking on the couch 

🤎 Oh, what? There’s a sprig of mistletoe in every room? Sounds like a fuck tour to me 

🤎 You guys don’t even stay at the party long because Sev wants to go and make love to make up for all the quickies you guys had that day 

🤎 So yeah, you guys spend your first Christmas as a couple fucking in between all the traditions you guys made as best friends 

🤎 Now let’s get on to some simpler things 

🤎 You’re the blanket hog, but Sevika doesn’t mind because she runs warm anyway 

🤎 If you guys aren’t going to work together or it’s an off day and one of you has errands or something you guys always part ways with 6 kisses- one to the forehead, one to each cheek, and three to the lips- an ‘I love you, baby’ and a bite 

🤎 You left to your mom’s place one time without giving her the playful bite she’d come to expect whenever you left and she was so pouty about it that you simply added it to the kiss routine 

🤎 Sev sleeps on the left side of the bed 

🤎 I have a theory that the people who sleep on the left side of the bed are the people who like to be up underneath their partner (Yes I sleep on the left) 

🤎 Sev has a double sink in her bathroom but whenever you guys are brushing your teeth or washing your faces it’s always at the same sink, Sev standing behind you with a hand on your waist 

🤎 Funny enough, but after you guys got together, Sev stopped doing most of the driving 

🤎 She enjoys being your passenger princess 

🤎 You’ve got her name embroidered in the headrest of the passenger seat of your car 

🤎 You keep a blanket, snacks, and cones stashed in your car for her at all times 

🤎 Speaking of which, yes, mechanic Sev smokes both weed and cigs 

🤎 Her cigarettes are Djarum black clove cigs 

🤎 She smokes Blazy Susan King Sized cones 

🤎 You don’t smoke as much as her, and honestly after the two of you got together, she doesn’t smoke as much as she used to either 

🤎 But boy when you two get high together? You two can’t stop laughing 

🤎One of your first times getting high with her you almost pissed yourself laughing at the way she said the word ‘spoon’ 

🤎 All in all, dating Sev is exactly what you expect dating your best friend to be like 

🤎 She’s.... the best thing to ever happen to you 

🤎 And you are the love of her life

🤎©️ All work belongs to sexysapphicshopowner. Do not use or repost my content in any way without my consent or permission. Thank you! 🤎

🤎 Taglist 🤎:

@certainlynotasimp @trafalgardvivi @love-sugarr @archangeldyke-all

[j0kers-light]

Imagine y/n shows up to joker wearing a playboy bunny suit and ears and fluffy tail with rope in her hands.

I’m squealing just thinking about it.

His Lighthouse: Joker’s Bunny (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Joker’s Bunny - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A STORY UPDATE!

Hey hi anon 🖤✨

I love love loved this imagine! I can’t believe tumblr had the audacity to delete it! It’s been sitting in the inbox since August 7th! Yay for refreshing?

Anyhooooooo I’ve been merging asks to dwindle the numbers down and I came across one that…. well.. It’s not my cup of tea. BUT! If it's up your alley (lol no pun intended) it's implied. I’ll mark it with an ** and let you figure it out. I do regret to inform that this is rather short because I love to tease. I will return to this idea later 😏

I won’t add a tag list until I complete this oneshot!

It was only supposed to be a nickname, an inside joke to use however Joker seemed fit. He gave you so many, it was hard to keep up with them all— yet this one stuck.

You were naturally curious, a timid little thing and overly cautious.

You always weighed out the options presented to you before jumping all in. Joker said it as a joke all those months ago but overtime, it became something more. One could argue that you adopted the moniker.

You responded to it without fuss and rarely rolled your eyes or huffed under your breath whenever he used it.

You would tilt your head and scrunch your nose to really bring the nickname to life. One random day you found yourself accepting the name when you used the emoji to refer to yourself.

You were without a doubt, Joker’s Bunny. He never thought you would take the title so seriously.

Joker groaned to himself.

Whhhhhy didn’t he stay with you tonight? You practically begged him to with those e/c eyes of yours but he stood firm on his ‘I have to go, it's im-port-ant’ spiel.

You pouted but sent him off with a kiss. Now Joker regretted his decision as each boring minute dragged on during this briefing. To be fair, it was important. Too bad Joker wasn’t listening. He spent his time staring off into space. daydreaming about you.

He wondered what you cooked tonight. Was it that new recipe you wanted to try or did you play it safe and fix one of his favorites? He loved your cooking and could go for a hearty meal after sitting through this snoozefest.

His thoughts were plenty and quickly changed. Did you take a bubble bath with that new bath bomb he bought you? Joker saw it in passing and immediately thought of you after seeing its onyx and opal swirls in the store.

If he remembered correctly it was called Night Sky and smelled like forbidden fruits. It had your name written all over it. So what if he stole a few for you?

Joker was envisioning your body soaking in the tinted water when his phone chiming startled him out of the fantasy.

He fished it out of his coat pocket and arched an eyebrow when he saw your message come through. Speak of an angel and you appear.

you coming home?

J smirked to himself after reading the word home.

It stirred up a flurry of emotions within him every time you used it. Joker thought he had no need for a home until you entered his life and proved him wrong. Every person needs a home; his just so happened to be you.

And Joker was feeling a bit homesick.

He found your message a bit odd since you knew he was overseeing a meeting tonight. Did something happen or were you just as needy as he was? He really should’ve stayed at home with you in the first place. Joker sighed and scanned the room.

The team was talking amongst themselves on how to pull off the hit without gaining the authorities’ attention. Joker drowned them out thirty minutes ago. He was only here for appearance’s sake and could care less.

They could iron out the details without him and that became the determining factor to answer your question. With a roll of his green eyes, he replied.

What’s in it 4 me?

Joker watched three tiny dots appear and fade multiple times over a course of several minutes. Whatever you wanted to say was deleted over and over until Joker finally got a vague response.

Come and find out 🐰

Such a sassy little thing you were tonight. A few seconds later, Joker received an attachment pic from you. He took one glance at it and reacted.

“Oi! Where you going, Boss?” A henchman called out.

Joker was already storming out the door to even notice that he scared everyone with his abrupt exit.

They were waiting for Joker to voice his opinion and he just up and left. Not like he cared. The small group however began to panic and scrambled to find a way to revise the plans to meet Joker’s high expectations.

They could all die trying to rob the bank for all he cared. Joker’s mind was elsewhere, solely on you.

His Bunny was asking for it.

It was the only explanation as to why the dying sun captured your sexy silhouette oh so perfectly. When Joker got home, he was gonna ruin you.

Joker didn’t notice Frost coming down the hall in his mad dash to the elevator. Frost took one look at his boss and scoffed.

“Let me guess. It’s either the airheads in the meeting or something B did.” He ignored Joker’s venomous glare yet the lack of response spoke volumes.

“Are you coming back after you fix her attitude?” Frost sighed softly.

The elevator door dinged open upon arrival and Joker marched inside to stab the ground floor button. He locked eyes with Frost and set his demands.

“Don’t bother us unless.. I dunno, it’s err raining cats and dogs.” Which meant no, he wasn’t coming back and they both knew it.

Frost spoke his own reflection as the doors slid closed. “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

There really should be a guide to these types of things. How to look sexy for your lover while wearing a ridiculous outfit.

Perhaps you could write a guide yourself; it beat psyching yourself up to no avail.

You planned this for weeks and now the day finally came to commit and you were having second thoughts.

The last component arrived a little while after Joker left for his meeting and you just couldn’t stall another night. It was now or never.

You wouldn’t have the confidence to do this after today. Just looking in the mirror you felt silly all over again. Knowing that Joker left you on read didn’t boost that confidence any higher either.

It wasn’t that disappointing– Joker constantly left you on read in text conversations, the problem was that he left you hanging after you sent him a risque picture.

It took you ages to get the angle, the lighting, and find a pic you actually liked, before sending it to the clown and he didn’t appreciate none of it.

You checked yourself out in front of the floor length mirror and sighed as your heels clicked sharply on the hardwood. You thought you looked cute, hot even! But your opinion was moot if Joker didn’t approve.

Maybe he opened the message and got busy before he could respond? You told yourself anything except the truth.

He probably hated it and didn’t want to hurt yor feelings.

You puckered your glossy lips at your reflection, preparing to take off the ensemble when you heard keys turning in the front door.

Joker was back in record time. It made you wonder how he got here so fast but that was the least of your worries.

You grabbed his gift off the dresser right as you heard the bedroom door slam into the wall.

Joker was going to leave a dent in the wall if he kept doing that. You told him time and time again to stop. You were about to scold him right then but the fiery heat in his eyes stole your breath.

Joker was a raging bull, just shy of steam blowing out his nose.

His target? Poor ol’ you shifting your weight from heel to heel. You hid his surprise further behind your back and of course, he noticed.

“Whatcha got there.. Bunny.” Joker stressed the endearment more so than usual since you were dressed the part.

You wore your tallest pumps and donned a fresh pair of fishnets to go nicely with your f/c bunny suit. It clung to your figure in all the best ways and the white cuff links and debonair tie around your neck was the icing on the cake.

You looked every part the bunny Joker called you. He admired the bunny ears atop your head; one bent, the other straight. He loved every little detail you had.

Joker slowly stalked towards you with his head tilted slightly. “I asked... Whatcha got behind your back Bunny? Is it a surprise?”

You nodded demurely. So that’s how you wanted to play? Joker just grinned.

“Yeah? Is it…. for me?” You giggled when he tried to steal a peek if not for you dodging his attempts at the last minute.

Joker was all for your playful mood tonight and growled lowly, seeing your sly smirk. You did your makeup so pretty, but he was over the moon seeing your plump lips shimmering all for him. You wore that shade he bought you recently. The one that tasted like strawberries.

He wanted to ruin it and you.

His green eyes roamed down your beautiful face to your neck on full display for him to nibble and mark, down to your breasts practically bursting out of your suit.

He wouldn’t be surprised if you bought it two sizes too small with how your curves spilled out over the leather confines. Joker wanted to lay you down and knead your soft flesh and rip holes in your fishnets. You looked so good and he wanted to play.

There was so much he wanted to do! He grew tired of you ducking and dodging and grabbed your arms roughly. “Gotcha Bunny! Now… let’s uh, see what you oh..”

Joker audibly swallowed as you bit your lip and looked away.

Joker stared at the bundle of rope in your hands, honestly at a loss for words. The bright color would look heavenly against your skin tone and you knew Joker wanted to tie you up for months now. He introduced the idea once or twice and tested out the new concept by binding your wrists.

It excited you and drove him wild. It was high time he got his wish by going all in.

Joker rubbed his thumb against the rope and met your shy gaze. “Y/n… are you sure.”

You nodded and leaned up (even with heels on J towered over you) and kissed his cheek but Joker required a verbal agreement.

“I need to hear you say it, bunny. That you’ll let me uhh, tie ya up? You wanna be my sweet rope bunny huh doll?”

You nodded again but Joker reached out and gripped your chin, “Use your words, bunny.”

You moaned out and closed your eyes. Joker had yet to do anything and you were already worked up. “B-Bunnies don’t t-talk.” You gasped.

Joker was speechless as you finally turned around and let him see the fluffy bunny tail** you wore. You walked over to the edge of the bed and bent by your waist to wiggle your buns for Joker.

His breath was shaky but overly excited for what was about to happen. Joker unraveled the colored rope in his hands with a mocking tsk of his lips.

“What a naughty, naughty bunny girl I have.” 

[kay-elle-cee]

James and Lily are auditioning for a the musical Wicked, well to be more precise it’s Lily that is auditioning with Sev, and James had to help with the set up because he was caught by the Dean of the university, McGonagall doing something mischievous and in order to get out from suspension his punishment is helping the theater students for the musical. (Cliche but it’s so fun)

Like an annoyance to friends to lovers trope (I don’t think they were ever enemies in the books).

Naturally, Sev doesn’t get the role and surprise it’s James. And Lily is annoyed because he doesn’t know anything about Musicals, let alone take things seriously because he’s always playing football with his friends and causing mischief.

But she’s in for a surprise because in reality James’ father Fleamont is the biggest broadway star to exist (once he heard his son was going to be in the play he cancelled his plans and flew over in order to see the musical) and he so happens to be Lily’s ideal, she thought it was a joke because Fleamont uses a different name and is very private about his family.

Then one day James had invited Lily over to his home to rehearse (slow burn, but also moment where Lily wants to kiss James) and the door burst open and it’s Fleamont and Euphemia.

Talk about first impressions!

Lily is shocked that Fleamont is in the same room as her and is unable to speak until the tension is broken by James. But it only cause his father to think that James is dating Lily, so it goes to the fake dating trope because James doesn’t want to disappoint his father and also because Fleamont isn’t in the best of health (heart problems). He doesn’t tell Lily this because he hates being pitied and absolutely doesn’t want sympathy, the only one who knows this is Sirius his best mate.

Weeks pass by, and James and Lily have formed a bond, even when they bicker they still enjoy each other’s presence. Lily has even went to James’ football games and out to dinner “not a date” but the vibes were there!

Everything is fine until, Sev begins drama and fakes an injury and blames it on James. The manipulation is so strong that Lily doesn’t know who to believe, also add into the fray how the boys feel like James has been ignoring them. Mostly it’s Peter that thinks this way and makes it his business to address this non-issues.

Tension is rising and it’s rocky between the lovebirds, but even through all the obstacles they are working together because of hat they feel for each other is simple wicked (yes, I had to).

A few days before l the play, is James isn’t going to rehearsal or even spending time with Lily, and she thinks he wants to break up but in reality it’s because his father’s health has been declining (possible he had a heart attack).

Lily wants to know the truth so she calls Sirius and he tells her what happens and then she rushes to the hospital and is there for James. She sees him under the stairs, in the most vulnerable state m, his face is stained with tears and his hair is messy than normal and his glasses are broken in his hands. A total mess but once he hears “James” from Lily’s mouth, he looks up at her and shakes his head and that’s when she hugs him and tells him that everything is going to be fine and and everything will be good, and that his father is a fighter.

And it is. The doctors say that his father is stable and will just need to stay for some time in the hospital, even though Fleamont was arguing about not missing the play, and regardless of doctors orders he will see his son on stage with the love of his life because it reminds him when he and Euphemia had meet all those years ago.

Fin.

I loved this! Happy endings all around! (I fear that seeing Lily and James perform "As Long As Your Mine" would give Fleamont another heart attack, though— those two would have trouble keeping it PG). I love the idea that Fleamont and Euphemia also met through similar circumstances in this.

[failurefemmegf]

why aren't you a transmasc anymore?

short answer: i realized my dysphoria was a combined reaction to being a lesbian who was scared of other women along with depersonalisation due to misogyny

long answer: i started identifying with the transgender community when i was around 12 or 13 years old, around the time i was in middle school. in elementary school i was friendly with boys and girls but as i grew older and the social cues for being a "girl" became too complicated, the other girls regarded me as weird and i was always lumped in with the boys.

i had childhood friends who were girls but a combination of mental health issues and abusive platonic relationships made it difficult to hold onto them. by the time i entered my sophmore year of high school, i no longer had any friends in my grade, and i resorted to helping for a very male-dominated gaming club as a last resort, which i stayed with until graduation. the gaming club was extremely libertarian conservative (i once got into an argument over whether "water is a human right") (it is, obviously). i was full on "not like other girls"ing my way through high school. my primarily male friendships continued into college, where i joined a game design degree program with a total of maybe 4 women including me in my entire class.

in the fall semester of my only year of college, i was constantly sexually harassed by a male "friend" and then manipulated against the rest of my friend group by a different male "friend" who ditched me after winter break when he realized i wasn't going to fuck him. in my spring semester i was completely alone (i had no roommates) and actively suicidal. it was at this time i threw myself into trans identity politics. i'd always been uncomfortable with my breasts because i developed earlier, and i bought my first binder, began tucking my hair into hats and attempting to pass as male on the rare occasions i would leave my dorm room.

i had waist-long hair from middle school until this point, where that summer i chopped it off, broke up with my long-term online girlfriend, and called myself a gay trans man. really though, the only men i was attracted to were fictional (comphet). i transferred to a community college and was still actively suicidal along with doing nothing about it. i blamed it all on my dysphoria.

covid hit that spring, and given some time to myself, i realized i was a lesbian. i jumped head first into being part of the lesbian community on twitter at the time, and it felt so right, like i'd finally figured out a last puzzle piece. my mental health still wasn't great due to other reasons but i didn't feel at odds with myself anymore.

after i lost my summer job and swapped to retail, my suicidal ideation and depression came back in full force. i got a new job at a grocery store and ran into a former childhood friend who happened to be a guy, and my complicated feelings towards him i mistook for love. boom, i was iding as a trans gay guy again, i continued to throw my mental health down the trash can because "IF I TRANSITION EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE", developed an eating disorder, and ended up in an intensive outpatient program for lgbt+ young adults.

i turned a corner when i learned to stop caring what others thought of me. to be secure in myself and not rely on other people to validate my feelings, my appearance, my identity. i had my ups and downs but by the time january hit, something felt different. i no longer felt "socially" dysphoric, i stopped caring about people calling me "she" or "a girl", but my trans identity had become such a huge part of my life that i was extremely torn. i began looking up detransition resources, desisted to "nonbinary/genderfluid" until i stumbled across some radfem blogs.

i'd always been told to avoid radfems because they "hated trans people" and "WANT you to detransition". but they were the only people to take my thoughts of desisting seriously. i reached out anonymously over the course of several months to several different blogs and i was blown away by the grace and kindness i received. i really want to thank blogs like @woman-for-women and @detransition for their wonderful posts about female depersonalization and dysphoria, they really helped nudge me in the right direction for me.

from where i stand now, i'm a gender abolitionist, but i'm not completely against the idea of transition. because of my past i have a lot of sympathy for dysphoric people, and i know there are probably trans mascs and men out there who do feel a genuine disconnect. however, i don't think we should push transition as the only option to treat dysphoria, and we need more studies about the effects of female socialization on female depersonalization. i'm not a scientist or a psychiatrist though, i'm just a girl on the internet who wants to help people.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

The Healer of Shakkara - Book One

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 18 - The Barrowlings - Part 1

Breakfast was a subdued affair, as everyone awoke and learned of the night's unpleasant visitors.

While they ate a quick meal of dry bread with the last of the apples and cheese, Sevhalim told them of the precautions they must take.

"We will carry torches," he said.

"Two at all times. I want to be out of these pines by tomorrow but we must sleep beneath their shade once more, at least. We'll have two fires and sleep between them, with a guard watching over each. In the meantime, we've a hard day ahead of us. The terrain becomes steep and rough from here on. I want all supplies fairly distributed... no one carries more than their fair share, no one carries less and we'll go at the fastest pace we can all manage. No one falls behind, no one gets ahead."

"The barrowlings are weak on their own," Rea explained.

"They either attack as a swarm or they pick targets off one by one."

"Exactly," Sev agreed.

"No one is to stray beyond sight of the others, even for the sake of privacy," he added, glancing at Rea and Triss.

"We stay together at all times."

Triss rolled her eyes.

"I've been the only woman on a long march before. I can deal with it."

After breakfast, they packed up and set out.

Iksthanis bearing one torch and Sev another.

Behn had sacrificed his travel cloak for the cause and strips of fabric dipped in a bit of cooking oil and wrapped about the ends of sturdy branches made torches that burned well and long.

If one went out, they relit it from the other and paused now and then to replace the fabric.

Sev had not lied about the terrain, however and soon keeping the torches lit proved the easy part.

They slipped and slid down the sides of steep gullies, then scrambled and scraped their way up the opposite sides.

In places, the trees grew close together and their dead lower branches made a brittle barricade through which they were forced to break a path.

Sooner or later, everyone took a twig to the eye and had at least a dozen pokes and scratches.

And now and then, at the edge of their range of vision, they caught glimpses of pale shapes that slipped through the gloom.

"They are following us," Iskthanis said, peering towards the top of the gully they had just descended.

"How many?" Triss asked.

"Difficult to say," said Rea as she helped Behn up the steep wall of the gully's other side.

"At least three but that's merely the most we've glimpsed at once. There may be more."

Around midday, they rested beside a creek at the bottom of another small ravine.

The weak stream cut a steep channel through black earth and grey stone and Zenír did not have to warn them not to drink from it.

Triss and Rea had devised a system whereby a modicum of privacy might be had, when needed without having to go beyond the range of sight.

One held up a blanket as a screen, while the other crouched behind it and a third person acted as guard and lookout, back turned to both.

Galen and Behn copied this idea after the small midday meal, taking turns holding the screen while Triss stood guard.

Finding a soft patch of earth, Galen scraped away the top layers to form a small latrine, then let out a yelp of horror and fell back from the spot.

In an instant, Sev was at his side, sword half drawn and Galen realized there was little point to the screen, after all... the other man hadn't let him out of his sight.

"What is it?" he asked.

Galen pointed and Sev leaned in to look, then drew back quickly.

At the bottom of the shallow hole, where Galen had scooped the loose dark earth aside, lay the head of a dead deer.

Its milky, sunken eye, speckled with dirt, gazed up at them, unseeing.

"What in hell?" Behn breathed, peering over Galen's shoulder as the others gathered round as well.

"What the hell did you eat, Gale?"

"Shut up, Behn," he muttered.

"Seriously, though," Behn said.

"How did it get here?"

"It has not been here long," Sev said, kneeling and prodding at the side of the deer's face with a stick.

"Soft tissue... eyes, lips and tongue... are the first to go. This has been dead less than a day."

He stood, a hand pressed over his mouth as he surveyed the length of the small ravine, his eyes scanning the uneven shape of the earth.

"Shit. Everyone grab a stick. Scrape the dirt away a bit in different places. See what you find."

They all obeyed and it was not long before they found more gruesome discoveries.... dead animals, some mere skeletons, others fresh.

The stench of decay soon permeated the air, making them sick.

"This is bad, Sev," Rea said, kicking dirt back over some remains and covering her nose with her hand.

"We need to get out of here... now."

"Agreed."

"What is it?" Galen asked, sleeve pressed to his face.

"What is this place?"

"It's a pantry," Obi said, shouldering his pack and helping Behn don his own.

"It's where the barrowlings store their food."

"We must be right in the heart of their territory," Rea said.

"Shit."

"We need to move. We've got five or six hours before nightfall and I want to be as far from this place as possible by then."

No one argued, and they set off again at double the pace.

By evening, Galen's muscles cramped from prolonged exertion, fatigue muddled his thoughts and he sat in a mild stupor, back to back with Behn, who was in the same condition, while the others set up camp.

They lit three fires instead of two and slept in shifts... Sev, Rea and Oberik... then Iksthanis, Zenír and Triss.

Galen would have objected to being excluded from watch duty if he were not too tired to speak.

As it was, he lay down beneath his blanket, not caring that his skin was grimy with dirt and sweat and fell asleep the instant he shut his eyes.

He woke in the grey light of dawn to see that everyone else... even Behn... was already up.

Rising, he winced as his muscles protested, but bit back a groan.

The others likely felt no better and yet they did not let pain slow them down and did not complain.

"Thanks," he said, as Iksy handed him some dried fruit and nuts.

They had not cooked a proper meal since the night before, for fear of attracting even more unwanted attention and Galen's stomach felt the lack.

He ate his meager breakfast and washed it down with a few sips of water, though his thirst remained unquenched.

They had not crossed a stream Zenír trusted in two days and their flasks were near empty.

[seriouslysnape]

To the Limit

__

Severus Snape x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Slight smut. Use of safeword. Language.

Request: Hi! Can u make Severus × Reader when the reader use the safe words for the first time because idk maybe it's too much for the reader that day or smth else you like..Thankyouu 💕💕 love ur writings btw ❤❤

A/N: Here we gooooooo. Reminder, everything is consensual.

Word Count: 2,947

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.”

__

Severus has always been flexible in the bedroom. Yes, Severus Snape is versatile in the sheets and has more love making skills than you originally would’ve given him credit for. Sex with Severus can range anywhere from slow and careful where praising your body is his main objective, to fucking you so mercilessly that stars are dotting the back of your eyelids with each hard thrust.

Sometimes, you don’t have to establish what kind of theme your sessions will take on. If Severus comes home angry from a long, obnoxious day then you very well know that a rough fucking will get it out of his system. When you’ve just watched one of your favorite romantic drama Muggle movies that have sent you into tears, he knows that something more unhurried is in order so you are reminded of how much he loves you.

Other times though, there isn’t really anything that determines the kind of sex you’ll be having. If the mood is right for both of you, then you often will just figure it out from there. 

Severus’ return on Friday night from a long week of classes was coated with his desire for you. You could practically feel the hard sexual tension radiating off of his whole being. From the moment he walked in the door, you knew what tonight would hold for the both of you. More than likely, it’d be a whole lot of rutted fucking and orgasms until neither of you had any stamina left to give. Normally, a seed of excitement would be planted and begin to grow in your core at the thought of being touched by him, but you didn’t feel it this time. 

It had been a bad week to put it simply. Work was weighing you down and you had taken more hits than you were used to in a five day time period. Exhaustion had riddled you, and stress has gotten the best of you. Emotional breakdown was the only way you could describe how you were feeling. You really weren’t feeling up to what Severus wanted to do. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him when his hands and lips were on you, moving to all his favorite places on you.

His voice was silky smooth in your ears as he uplifted you with how he had been thinking about you all day, and how he wanted to be with you when you weren’t around. It wasn’t Severus’ fault that you had a bad week, and it surely wasn’t all his fault that he was this turned on. The way he gripped your legs with his strong hands was an indicator that he wanted to go well into the night, which your tired state wasn’t a fan of. But you loved Severus, and you always wanted him to be happy and well pleased. So you figured you could handle a couple of coarse rounds to satisfy him.

Oh, how wrong you were.

Once access was granted, Severus leapt onto you without hesitation. A tornado of clothes being removed whirled around the room, your shirt and pants ended up on complete opposite sides of the room. Hot and unruly kisses were shared, marks were left on your necks, and no part of you went unattended. 

Admittedly, the first orgasm was actually enjoyable. Severus’ fingers were knuckle deep in your needy cunt and pumping vigorously as he found all the best spots. The strenuous activity melted some of the week’s stress from your conscience, your mind being stripped of all your worry as it clouded with ecstasy. Severus thrived off of the moans and noises of delight that he was drawing out of your throat, perfecting his movements to give you an even stronger release. Severus worked you to your finish as you came around his fingers, slicking them with arousal and relief. 

He left lazy kisses over your breasts while you took a moment to recover, preparing yourself for the next round that was undoubtedly on its way. Tiredness had plagued you long before Severus had even walked through the door, and you had suddenly been robbed of even more energy, so you were confident that you might not get a proper orgasm this second time. But the moment Severus slid you onto his dick and stretched your walls the way only he knew how to, you knew that you were going to cum whether you felt like you could handle it or not.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. You loved seeing Severus so enraptured in waves of pleasure and gratification, but you were beyond fatigued. Still, you bounced up and down on his lap over and over again, your already sensitive clit throbbing with each rub of his fingers. Severus’ other hand guided your hip movements to meet the way he thrusted up into you, hitting your g-spot just right.

When you came this time, your sound of release was more of a strained cry than a content sound. Severus didn’t seem to notice, since he was too focused on the intoxicating feeling of filling you with his own finish. You popped off of him before he was even emptied out, the rest of his fluids landing on your inner thighs. You fell onto the bed next to him, your breathing much heavier than usual. 

You were totally tuckered out with absolutely no hope of another round. Your muscles ached and your bones were wiped out. Although, you felt a queasy feeling of despair when you saw that familiar look of lust in Severus’ eyes. He spoke lowly, his voice echoing in your ringing ears.

“I’m not through with you yet, love.” He purred.

Usually that would’ve sent a whole mess of arousal through you, but you were too worn out. But Severus usually didn’t last more than three rounds, so this would for sure be the last one. You thought you could push through so he could at least get his release, but this third go round wasn’t a good feeling for you at all.

With your arms above your head and the pillowcase below your head in your fingers’ death grip, you turned your head to the side to fight through his persistent hard fucking into you. On a better day, you’d be all over this and relishing every moment. But now your eyes were screwed tightly shut in discomfort, for each time you opened them Severus would only be able to see the whites of your eyes. The thumping heartbeat in your ears was deafening and your entire body was stiff and rigid, but not in a good way. You wanted to tough it out so at least Severus could finish, but it was just too much for you tonight. 

You had to tap out.

“Polyjuice!” You squeaked out, your voice raspy.

In an instant, you saw any expression of lust wiped straight from his face. He pulled out the millisecond that the word registered in his head, his face stricken with worry and concern at the first time use of your agreed safe word. Severus’ heart dropped at your whimpers of displeasure, his brain reeling and raking over what had gone wrong. 

“[Y/N], what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked frantically.

“I-I just...”

Shaky breaths and uncomfortable whines were the only noises you could seem to make. You sat up from where you were laying down, bringing your knees to your chest and hiding your face as you began to cry. Your emotions were all over the place, and it didn’t help that you were overstimulated and overworked. Severus went to pull you to him, but withdrew his hand. Upsetting you further would absolutely crush him, but he needed to know that you were okay.

“Can I touch you, darling?” He whispered out.

The yowl of approval was enough for him to feel fine with carefully wrapping his hand under your arm and dragging you across the mattress to where he was kneeling on the middle of the bed. He pulled the covers over your skin to keep you from getting cold from the loss of heat from being active. You buried your head into his bare chest, your tears leaking and falling down his skin. 

“I’m sorry, Sev. I’m really sorry.” You sobbed, your hair sticking to your sweaty skin.

“No, no, no. Don’t ever be sorry for telling me to stop when you’re not comfortable,” He reassured; “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

The shake of your head brought relief upon him, but he was still worried. He rocked you in his arms until your sobs died down enough to where you were coherent. Severus was getting ready to ask you once more what was wrong, shifting you so he could see your face. When moving you, his hand accidentally brushed against your swollen, sensitive clit and you wailed out pathetically. Severus’ pale face went even whiter.

“Oh, my love...I worked you too hard, didn’t I?” He queried.

Severus would always admit that sometimes he’d get into the zone and completely drown everything else out. He wouldn’t really be able to tell how hard he was pulling in and out. It was rare, but from time to time you’d have to ask him to soften his thrusts or slow his pace when he got too rowdy. But you had never asked him to stop completely until now. He feared that he had seriously pushed you over the edge this time.

“It’s not just that.” You confessed with a sniff.

Severus had drawn your head back to gaze into your bleary eyes. The tear tracks being swiped away with his thumbs as he cradled your face. 

“What is it then, sweetheart?” He asked with wonder.

A fresh set of salty tears pooled and fell down your cheeks, but for a different reason.

“I’ve had a horrible week. Nothing has gone right,” You explained croakily; “I wanted to make you feel good and I thought it might make me feel better...but I’m just exhausted and I couldn’t handle it tonight.”

You fell apart into another set of choking sobs and gut wrenching cries, prompting Severus to bring you back into his chest. He stroked your skin and left kisses so light that they were ghostly. 

“It’s alright, angel. I wish you had told me before that you weren’t feeling up to it,” He consoled; “You’re worth so much more than sex. I want you to tell me sooner next time if you’re uncomfortable.”

Your nod of understanding offered a wash of comfort over him that you were calming down steadily. He hated that this happened. He knew that was the whole reason for your established safe word for when things went south or things got dicey. He just never thought you’d ever have to use it. He felt absolutely terrible. 

“I’m sorry, Sevvy. I really wanted you to get off, I just-”

“Please don’t apologize for this. This is my fault. I should’ve seen how tired you were and how I was being overly hard,” He said; “I’m the one that should be sorry.”

The sniffles from your nose had increased as you tried to flush down all the drainage from your crying. Your tears had stopped as you sat up from his body, wiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand. The red blotches in your puffy eyes were pinging at Severus’ already guilty conscience. He saw the littered hickeys across your neck and breasts, and how your lips were swollen from his severe kisses. He had rocked your burnt out body to the max.

“I’ll tell you what. How about we go get cleaned up, and then we can get into bed. Then you can tell me about your week if so wish.” He suggested, cautiously guiding you off of the bed.

“I think I just want to get a bath and get some sleep.” You said, barely able to stand on your wobbly legs.

“Okay, darling. Whatever you want.” He smiled softly, hoping it’d offer you some kind of solace. 

Severus ran you a hot bath, filling it with all of your favorite scents and smells. Your stance was still despite your shaking legs, and you seemed to be staring off into an endless trance. You slipped into the tub when it was ready, sinking down just below your nose under the bubbles. Normally, Severus would be sitting across from you or you’d be snuggled up on his lap, but he wanted you to have some space for a bit. You were honestly too tired to object. 

He simply casted a charm to freshen himself up, finding and selecting his favorite pair of sweatpants and soft shirt for you to change into. Your eyes were closed, and you had just begun to drift off to sleep when he re-entered the bathroom, changed into some casual day time wear, despite how late it was.

“Here are some clean clothes for you, pretty girl.” He remarked, setting the folded sweats and shirt on the end of the tub for you to get when you got out.

You only gave a light nod as a response, your eyes following him as he stood awkwardly. He was unsure of what to do for you now. He thought that you might want the bedroom to yourself for the night, which was fine because he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing he had pushed you so hard anyway. He placed himself on the floor by the tub, sitting with his legs criss crossed over one another. It was quiet in the room, the only sounds were the occasional gentle splash when you moved your leg or arm. His eyes were still full of worry, and he was kicking himself big time now.

“I’m so sorry...” He breathed out, running his fingertips dragging leisurely your damp arm that you had resting on the ledge of the bathtub; “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Sev. I promise.” You responded, wishing he wouldn’t take this so hard.

When it came to you, Severus took everything to heart. There weren’t many things in the world that made his heart beat with a purpose. You were the single person that allowed him to want to get up in the mornings. The thought of hurting you was enough to break him down. If he could have it his way, you would be indescribably happy with every passing moment of every day. He never wanted you to feel anything other than joy. 

But he knew that life would never allow it.

Your eyebrows dipped when you noticed his attire, wondering why he wasn’t in his own sleepwear. It was much too late for him to go anywhere.

“Where are you going?” You questioned, your voice thick with weary.

“I’m going to go back to the school. I have some grading to do.” He half-lied.

It was true that he did indeed have a stack of papers to be assessed, but that wasn’t the real reason why he felt like he wanted to leave. Severus Snape grading on a Friday night when he had the opportunity to be cuddled up with his lover? He’d choose you every time.

Now you felt bad for causing him to scurry off. You wanted him there with you regardless of what had happened.

“Severus,” You called out tenderly, reaching for his face; “I don’t want you to leave.” 

A genuine look of doubt flashed over his features as his head lulled into your hand.

“I think it would be best if you got some good sleep tonight. I’ll just be in my office so if-”

“Stay with me. Please?” You requested, the thought of sleeping without him was disheartening.

A sigh of awe expelled from his chest. He couldn’t say no to your puppy eyes and slightly pouting lower lip.

“Okay, okay.” He agreed.

“I think that some boyfriend snuggles will make me feel a whole lot better.” You spoke rather cheekily.

He hummed affirmatively. The sound of nestling up with you was impossible to turn down. He took your hand from his face and kissed your palm gingerly, holding the warm skin to his lips for a brief moment. He eventually stood from the floor, but stopped when you held your arms up.

“Help me up?” You asked with the first genuine smile of the evening.

He chuckled, obliging and lifting you effortlessly from the tub. The warm towel was heavenly as you dried off, changing into the clothes that Severus had left for you. Severus went and changed as well, laughing to himself when he exited the closet to see you already curled up. 

The sheets draped over him easily when he laid next to you, waiting for you to nuzzle up to him. He held you close and flush to him, thanking his lucky stars that you were okay.

“My sweet girl...” He hushed out, noting that you were just seconds away from falling asleep; “I love you.” 

You mumbled out a sleepy “I love you” in return before drifting into a deep slumber to snooze off the night’s drama. Severus, as expected, didn’t sleep much that night to ensure that you were sleeping soundly and comfortably. He still felt dreadful, even after you had told him over and over that he didn’t hurt you. The weekend to follow was filled with Severus doting and cherishing over you every chance that he had, trying to make up for what had happened. You were the light of his life after all.

And he prayed that he’d never see that flame go out.

[the-dream-team]

hi dylan! i've seen you around a lot but never interacted with your posts before (a tragic error) so i wanted to remedy that by saying that 'July' was very beautiful and utterly perfect!

P.S. I've heard some mumblings about Shirtless James May 👀👀 here is my formal request for you to participate 😂

Oh my gosh, hi! I’ve definitely seen your username around, so it’s lovely to finally say hello :) That’s so sweet, I’m glad you liked July- it was very fun to write! And you know what else was fun to write? This ridiculous one shot for Shirtless JP May, dedicated you, @sunshine-marauders <3

Three Times Lily Evans Did NOT Want to See James Potter Shirtless and One Time She Most Certainly Did

***

“Mr. Potter, please put your trousers back on, my boy!”

“Sir, I would, but there’s just no way of telling if this potion might be poisonous, and I’d rather play it safe.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed as she shrugged off her own robes, now covered head to toe in acidic slime from the Dungbomb that had just exploded in her and Sev’s cauldron. The purple liquid smelled something foul, but there was nothing poisonous about what was once a perfectly brewed Sleeping Draught. James Potter knew that, but he’d stripped down to his pants regardless. 

“Really, Professor Slughorn, I don’t mind,” Potter continued while he sauntered back to his own workstation, bare chest puffed out as though he wasn’t practically nude in the middle of the damn classroom. His display garnered a collection of giggles from around the dungeons and a wolf whistle from Remus. “And who am I to deny my fellow third years of this view?”

Lily scoffed. She couldn’t speak for her classmates, but she knew her own view consisted of scrawny limbs, knobbly knees, and the most insufferable smirk known to wizardkind. And when he turned to her with fingers running through his hair and an infuriatingly pointed look in her direction, Lily balled her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms to keep herself from reaching out to smack that stupid grin and those lopsided glasses clean off his face.

***

“There’d better be a good explanation for this, Potter.”

“It kills me, Evans, because there is an excellent explanation for our current predicament- one that I think you’d find admirable and impressive- but unfortunately we’re sworn to secrecy, so you’ll just have to assign us detentions and continue on with your rounds for the night.”

Lily turned, exasperated, to Remus, whose Prefect’s badge looked awfully heavy on his robes that night. He didn’t meet her eye, instead focusing on his three naked friends standing before them in the middle of the first floor corridor. Well, mostly naked. Each of the fifth year Gryffindor boys held strategically placed Shrivelfig leaves to cover their most intimate areas, but only Peter looked as though that protection was a matter of life or death. Sirius stood as casually as he always did, completely unphased to find himself caught clothesless in the middle of the night, and James somehow looked more confident than usual (if that was even possible) with his chest on full display. He seemed to be strategically flexing every Quidditch-trained muscle as he grinned down at her with that pointed look she’d become far too familiar with. She spent every last drop of concentration keeping her eyes locked on James’ face to avoid any potential… drifting. 

“Did you have any luck?” said Remus after a moment. Lily whipped around in shocked betrayal. He couldn’t possibly approve of this behaviour?

“Not this time,” Sirius responded, “but I got bloody close. Don’t think having clothes makes a difference, but it was worth trying.”

“I’d say we should be on track to making it work before the end of the month,” added James, his crooked grin turning into a proper smile. 

Remus’ eyes sparkled. “Holy shit, that’s brilliant.”

Lily let out a frustrated grunt before turning on her heel to storm away from the disrobed boys and her fellow Prefect, upset that Remus wouldn’t take their duties seriously, but thankful to be out of sight from James’ sharp gaze, finally able to let the blush she’d been desperately fighting back escape across her cheeks.

***

“I’m sorry, Evans, but I don’t make the rules. You’ve got to lose an article of clothing or else you’ll have to forfeit.”

“That’s bollocks, Black, you literally came up with the idea for Strip Exploding Snap this evening.” 

The sixth years were circled up around the Common Room’s fireplace, loose socks and sweaters littering the floor, a half-empty bottle of stolen Firewhisky passing around from hand to hand. If it weren’t for Mary’s ridiculous crush on Sirius, Lily would never have found herself anywhere near this kind of event, but she’d decided to be a good friend, and now she was down to an undershirt and knickers. It was unclear whether her face burned red from the whiskey or the nerves. 

“Look, Evans,” Sirius continued with an air of indifference, “if you’re not going to participate, you can just put your cards back in the pile-”

“I’ll do it for her!” James nearly shouted as he jumped up from his seat, swaying slightly. His eyes as glossy as the crooked glasses falling down his nose. He reached for the collar of his white t-shirt, grabbing hold to pull it over his head, but a competitive rush propelled Lily to her feet. 

“No!” she protested before the shirt could make its way too far up James’ stomach. He froze in place, peering over the fabric at her in confusion. “You can’t just play for me, Potter, that’s not fair. I want to win on my own.”

“Really, Evans, I don’t mind,” laughed James, finally following through to remove the shirt completely. His glasses came off in the process, stuck in the fabric, and Lily nearly choked as her mouth went dry at the full sight of him, broader and fuller than she’d remembered. Had she ever seen him without his glasses before? His face as naked as his torso? She needed another drink. 

“I’m not going to let you cheat,” she said, actually stomping her foot in the process. And to prove the dedication to her claims, she stripped down to her bra and sent James her most determined, pointed stare. His glasses made their way back to his face so fast, he nearly poked his eye out. “Now, put your shirt back on, Potter, or I’ll come over there and do it myself.”

“That’s not the threat you think it is, Evans,” he breathed, nearly choking on his words. 

Lily thought her leaping heart must be horribly visible through her exposed skin.

“Do you both need the rest of us to leave?” chimed in Sirius, throwing Lily from her rapidly spiraling thoughts. 

She immediately sat back down, throwing James his shirt in the process, desperately trying to contain the butterflies threatening to escape through her throat. His shirt never made it back over his head and the rest of the night no longer passed in minutes, but instead in glances stolen from across the room.

***

“Whatever is the problem, Miss Evans, my dear?”

“Sir, I accidentally spilled an entire vial of Mermaid venom all over Potter. It’s burned straight through his robes and I’m worried it might be serious. Do you mind if I leave to take him to Madam Pomfrey’s?”

Professor Slughorn fumbled out a concerned response, granting his blessing, and Lily spared no time grabbing James by the wrist to drag him out of the classroom and through the dungeons. His eyes were wide as he studied the golden liquid eating through the fabric of his sweater. “Is this poisonous?” he asked, fingers fumbling with his deteriorating uniform. 

Lily spun around with emerald fire behind her eyes. “It is,” she responded, stopping him in his tracks as they turned a corner. “So we ought to play it safe and get these off you.”

She watched his eyes flash with sudden realization before she pulled off his sweater and made quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

The knowing grin that broke out across James’ face sent waves of elation through her heart, radiating out to find him again and pull him down to her. Their mouths met with smiling lips and heavy sighs, eager to reconnect after what felt like ages apart, but in reality, couldn’t have been more than an hour. 

“What did I do to deserve this?” James asked through jagged breaths as he grabbed for the door handle to the nearest broom closet, dragging Lily in after him by the waist. 

“You gave me that look,” she said, laughing slightly as she moved her hands up his warm skin to comb through his tousled hair. “That bloody pointed look you get that drives me crazy.” She kissed him and he deepened it before pausing. 

“Wait. You poisoned me because I looked at you?”

“I spilled poison on you because I wanted to get your shirt off.”

He beamed, his smile brightening the dim, crowded cupboard as he brought his hands up to hold her face. “Well, in that case, who am I to deny you this view?”

She scoffed. Then kissed him again.

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[mutilatemyheart]

Summary: Sev wakes you up in the middle of the night to let you know Fixer has been seriously injured. If you're going to tell him how you feel, this is the time. Warnings: Injured character. Mentions of surgery. Hospital type setting. Nothing graphic - bandages and bruises. Some cursing. Pairing: Fixer x fem!reader Word Count: 1023 A/N: the second part was seriously supposed to be the reader going to 79's with Delta Squad and flirtation with Fixer. I don't know what possessed me and wrote this. Sorry not sorry. Part 1 Part 3

Loud knocking on your door jolts you from your sleep. Your heart beats like timpani drums in your chest as you reach for the lamp on the bedside table. The person on the other side of the door knocks again. It’s hard and impatient. Have you overslept? Are you late for your shift? You look to the chrono, but it’s barely past three in the morning.

Your bare feet hit the cold floor as you dash toward the controls to open the door. A fist is eye level with you, ready to knock again. The gloved hand lowers, and you look up into the bloodshot eyes of Sev. He looks dead on his feet, but the worry etched onto his face scares you more than anything.

“I hope you planned out what you’re going to say to him because this may be your only chance.”

“What’s going on?” You ask, quickly putting on a pair of boots and stepping out into the hallway. “What happened?”

Sev shakes his head. “They always give us the shit jobs, and … Fixer was hit hard. We were able to get him stable enough for transport, but he needs a bacta tank, and Gilamar said he needs surgery. They’re prepping for it now.”

He doesn’t stop to breathe as the words spill from his mouth. His pace is brutally fast, but you don’t dare ask him to slow down as you jog alongside him to the medbay. You played several scenarios out in your head while they were away about what you would say to him, but all the lines you rehearsed disappear one by one from your brain. Only one thought repeats in your mind. “He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay.” He has to be okay.

The medbay doors slide open to reveal Boss and Scorch hovering over a hospital bed that you know Fixer has to be in. You’re almost thankful they’re blocking your view as you prepare to see him. Scorch grabs you in a hug as soon as you approach. He squeezes you hard, and the Katarn armor is almost painful against your chest, but you hug him back just as tightly.

“He’s in and out of consciousness,” Boss tells you. The fear on all their faces makes your stomach churn. “But Doc Gilamar says he may still be able to hear us. We’ll give you a minute.”

Sev steps up closer to his injured brother. “We’ll be just on the other side of the room. We won’t leave you, vod.”

The three of them walk away and huddle together near the doors, but you still feel their eyes on you. Releasing a deep breath, you look fully to Fixer. Bandages cover part of his chest, shoulder, and arm. A bacta patch is on his left jaw, and dark bruising covers his cheek. He’s not supposed to look like this. He’s not supposed to be bloody and bruised and broken in a hospital bed.

You gently run your fingers along his hand and lean in close to him.

“You’re going to be okay,” you tell him. You try your best to sound reassuring, but the cracking of your voice betrays you. “You’re going to pull through this, and then we’re going to celebrate your recovery. Just us. We’ll do whatever you want to do. I…”

You swallow down the lump in your throat, and squeeze his hand gently. His eyes remain closed, but you continue anyway.

“I should have told you before how much I like spending time with you. How happy it makes me when you’re around. I should have told you that you’re my favorite person, and that I really love you. I’m so sorry it took you getting hurt for me to be brave enough to tell you.”

You pull away from him as footsteps approach. You blink away the tears threatening to spill past your eyelids and turn to face the other Deltas. It’s not one of your friends approaching, though. The man looking at you oddly isn’t a clone, but you recognize him from your time living here. Mij Gilamar is out of the gold Mandalorian armor that you’ve always seen him in and geared up for surgery. You’re suddenly very aware how strange you must look standing here in the clothes you slept in and a pair of boots.

“Who are you?” Gilamar asks.

“She's with us,” Boss says, walking up behind the man.

Gilamar’s eyes dart from Boss, to Fixer, and back to your teary-eyed face.

“I see.” His voice is much softer, and he looks at you like he’s just figured out a puzzle. “Don’t worry, ma’am. We can fix, Fixer. I’ll take good care of him.”

You nod, but the burning in your throat keeps you silent.

“You all need to get some sleep. You can’t do anything for Fixer if you’re in a bed next to him due to exhaustion,” Gilamar address the other Deltas. “You don’t have to go far, but I do expect you all to rest while we’re operating. You can choose beds here, and I’ll wake you when he’s in recovery.”

 You watch with the others as they take Fixer away for surgery.

“I can walk you back to your room,” Scorch says, his eyes still on the closed door they took his brother through. His voice contradicts his words. You know he doesn’t want to leave for even a moment.

You shake your head. “No, I want to stay with you guys.”

“That’s probably not the best idea,” Boss tells you. “If anyone catches you here, it won’t look good. They don’t like you civvies getting too friendly with us.”

“Yeah, they’re afraid we may start thinking like normal people instead of how they programmed us,” Scorch grimaces. “Don’t worry. As soon as we know anything, we’ll let you know.”

Reluctantly, you agree to go back to your room. The hallways are quiet, and your pace is much slower than when you ran here with Sev. You walk alone and let the tears fall freely. He’s going to be okay.

He has to be okay.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Small (A Halstead brothers + Halstead sister imagine)

Grab your snacks because this is a long one.

Warning: graphic depictions of violence.

Being short and able to fit into small spaces had its perks...but you didn't think it would come in handy in such a dire situation as this. Your mind wandered back to who knows how many hours ago, reminding you of how you got in the situation and what the current situation entailed. Needless to say, you were currently in hell.

***

"Sev? What are you doing here?" you asked as you opened the front door to reveal Kelly Severide holding a six-pack of beer.

"Heard your brother just worked a really tough case. He here?" Kelly asked.

"He's in the shower. Voight gave him the day off after the case yesterday. But, c'mon in."

You stepped out of the way and allowed Kelly to enter, and closed the door. You went back over to the kitchen where you were pouring yourself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. After all, it was only nine in the morning.

"Want anything?" you asked Kelly.

"I'm good, thanks. But if you could put these in the fridge that'd be great."

"Only if I can have one," you joked, grabbing the beer and putting it on a shelf in the fridge.

"If your brother wasn't here, I probably would let you."

"Kelly?" Jay asked walking out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans, still without a shirt on as it was in his hand.

"My eyes!" you yelled, quickly covering them with your hand.

"Do you ever leave the bathroom with a shirt on? Or do you just put it on once you're out?" Kelly laughed.

"It's my house. I can do what I want."

"Well, put the damn shirt on. You're scarring the poor kid."

"Fine, fine, okay." He slipped the shirt over his head. "You're good now."

You uncovered your eyes and took a sip of your coffee. You were about to swallow when Jay decided it wasn't too early to mess with you. "Not like she hasn't seen dudes shirtless before. She really wants to see that one kid from her political science class shirtless."

"Excuse you?" you exclaimed after you had spit your coffee back into your mug, causing Kelly to look at you with a disgusted look on his face. "I do not!"

"You're not exactly quiet when you talk on the phone with Emma, Y/N," Jay smirked.

"You see this, Kelly? This is the shit I have to put up with every day."

Kelly decided to smack Jay upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"Be nice to your sister!" Kelly laughed. "Or else I'll tell her that I caught you and Hailey making out in your truck on my way out of Molly's the other night!"

"I knew it! I knew you guys were in love with each other! Kelly, I need you to put that statement in writing because Will now owes me fifty bucks."

"Wait, you guys made bets on my love life?" Jay asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"So, he is in love with her!" Kelly yelled, giving you a high five.

"Okay, enough about me," Jay started, effectively putting an end to that conversation. "What are you even doing here?" he asked, turning to Kelly.

"I heard about your case last night and I figured you could use some company. I brought beer."

"Great. Once I finish my coffee, we can break into that. You catch the Bears game the other day?"

And, now that they were talking about the glorified game of catch that was football, you took that as your cue to leave.

***

A reminder popped up on your phone at 11 am sharp. Tell Jay that low oil light came on in car it read.

You walked out into the living room only to hear Kelly say, "I'm tellin' you man, girls love that shit."

You assumed that shit was some sex thing...so you didn't want to know in the slightest. You cleared your throat, and Jay turned to you with wide-eyes.

"Uh, Y/N, how much of that did you happen to hear?"

"All I heard was him saying girls love that shit. Thank God I didn't hear more. But, my low oil light came on, so can change it?"

"The light or the oil?" Jay asked, taking another sip of his beer.

You squinted your eyes at him. "The oil. I'm stupid when it comes to cars, but I'm not that stupid."

"I'll do it in an hour."

"I have a class at three."

Jay groaned. "Seriously? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because it just came on yesterday?" Jay raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine it came on three days ago. But in my defense, you haven't been home during the day and it's hard to change the oil in the dark."

"I can do it in the dark," Kelly pointed out.

"I can do it in the dark," Jay mocked. "Of course you can, because you're a firefighter. I don't suppose you know how to fire a sniper do you?"

"Dude, I'm a firefighter, not a cop!"

"Listen, I don't care who changes it faster or who can do it in the dark. Jay, just please change my oil."

"Uh, fine," Jay groaned, standing up from the couch.

"No, I can do it," Kelly offered.

"You sure?" Jay asked.

"As long as you buy me lunch."

"I knew there was a catch. But, sure. Me and Y/N will go pick up lunch and we'll bring some to Will too and we'll be back before she has to leave for her class at three." He turned to you. "Sound good?"

"When have I ever passed up the opportunity for free food?"

"Never?" Jay guessed.

"Exactly," you answered, grabbing your car keys off the hook and tossing them to Kelly.

If you knew what was about to happen, you would have definitely stayed home.

***

"So, care to elaborate on you and Hailey?" you asked Jay as you were on your way to Chicago Med to drop off some food from Mama Garcia's to Will.

"If you give me that fifty bucks Will's gonna pay you, then I might just enlighten you."

"Nah, I'll just have Kelly tell me everything he knows instead. Or I can ask Ruzek--"

You were cut off by the sound of sirens behind you. "What the hell? I wasn't even speeding," Jay muttered.

"For once in your life," you shot back.

"Shut it."

Jay rolled the truck to a stop and you shot a look behind you. No one had gotten out of the car yet.

"They're probably just running my plates," Jay answered, seeing as you looked confused. "Some cops are weird and run 'em before they get out of the car. I made the mistake of doing that once when I was a rookie and the suspect fled."

"Oooh, did you get in trouble? I hope you got yelled at!"

Jay looked behind him at the cops who stepped out of the car. At first, he thought they might have been plain-clothed officers, but why would plain-clothed officers be driving a squad car? Then, he looked closer and it was as if he was transported back to four years ago.

"Y/N--"

"I was kidding, I don't care if you got yelled at or--"

"Y/N!" Jay yelled. "I need you to get down now, and call 911. Tell them my name and tell them to ping your phone."

"Jay, what's going on?" You slid off your seat and curled up into a ball on the floor, pulling out your phone.

"Just do it, dammit!"

Jay reached for his gun that he kept hidden in the glove compartment as your fingers flew across your phone.

You heard the tell-tale sound of a window being broken and looked up the see Jay covering his face, gun still in hand. Jay tried to push open the door, but before he could, the door was ripped open and he was dragged out of the car. "Detective Halstead. So, we meet again," you heard a deep voice say.

"Hello, 911 what's your emergency?"

"Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone," was all you could manage to get out.

"You hear that?" another voice asked. "Sounded like a girl and it came from his truck."

"I'm alone!" Jay yelled. "I just came to pick up some food is all!" he protested. In a normal situation, he would've tried to fight back. But, this wasn't a normal situation. He needed them to take him wherever it was they wanted him and he needed them to do it fast so that they didn't find you.

"I don't know about that, Detective. Where's the fire from the last time I saw you? You never go down without a fight. Are you protecting someone, is that it?" He paused and nodded to his associate. "Check his car."

"You son of a-- Ahhhhh!" Jay writhed as a taser struck his stomach.

"Jay!" You jumped up at the sound of your brother's cries of pain. He never showed weakness, so this was bad.

"Take her!" the man who was holding Jay yelled.

You jumped out of the car and started running, but they were too fast and caught up to you within five steps.

"Let me go! Let me go!" you yelled as you struggled and kicked your legs out as you were picked up off the ground.

You saw Jay trying to fight his captor as well, but it was no use because as soon as he got tased again and showed weakness for a second time, they tied his hands behind his back. "Y/N, stop fighting," Jay gritted out. "It'll-- only get-- worse."

"Let go of me you fucking asshole!" you yelled, swinging your arms, hoping that you got him in the nose.

"Derek, I think this bitch needs a little lesson in obedience," the one who was holding you said.

"I'll do that in a second." He pulled out a syringe.

"Don't!" you yelled as you watched what he was doing. But it was too late, the syringe full of sedatives had already been plunged into your older brother's shoulder, ending all your hopes of escape.

"Now for you," he walked over, twirling a knife in his hands. He handed it to his associate, who held it against your throat.

"You scream or move, you die."

***

Jay woke up to a pain in his shoulder. All he could think was Not again. Not fucking Derek Keyes again.

But then, he heard your screams of pain coming from the other room and that immediately snapped him out of his groggy state. He had to get out of here. He could be tortured like an animal, after all, he'd already been through it once, but there was no way in hell he was going to sit back and allow it to happen to you.

He tugged on the ropes securing him to the pipe and tried to jam his shoulder into it to make it loose. It moved slightly and he knew that if he had time, he could get out of it.

You would no longer laugh at the story of Jay going through taser certification or laugh at how much he bitched about having to be recertified each year. Because God, taking a taser to the stomach hurt like hell. And, what made it even worse was that you were chained to the ceiling, so because of your short stature, you couldn't even put a toe on the ground. So now, when you were tased or hit, despite trying to double over, you would just swing back and forth, like a tormented and tortured rag doll.

"J-Jay!" you yelled as you were tased in the stomach and swung back once more.

"He won't put himself through this again, sweetheart. After all, he knows what's it's like. He'll just let you take one for the team this time."

"Liar," you gasped out.

"I have a better idea. How about we play a little game, just you and me." He fiddled with your bra strap that was falling down your left shoulder. They had ripped your shirt off before they had begun tasing you. You were just thankful they had let you keep your jeans on. "Don't you want to know what the game is?"

"No--" you were cut off by being tased in the shoulder, causing you to scream out.

"Not the answer I was looking for. Let's try this again, shall we? Do you want to know what the game is?"

"Y-Yes."

"See now that wasn't so hard." Keyes put his hands on your shoulders to stop you from swinging. "The game is simple. I give you a choice between two clothing items. You choose the one you want to take off and then...well, you'll see what happens from there. Now, here's your choice: bra or jeans?"

"Wh-what?" you stuttered.

"Did I stutter, bitch? Make your decision, bra or jeans?"

"Jeans," you gasped. At least you had underwear underneath. And, if he took off your bra and tased you there, well, you did not want to know how that felt.

He pulled out a knife and you instinctively tried to sway back away from him. Keyes chuckled. "Don't worry. This won't come near your face...yet."

Then, you heard the ripping of denim as your jeans were quite literally cut off of your body.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of the game," Keyes smirked. "Wherever I take clothes of off, you take a taser hit to." Without even giving you time to process what he had said, he stuck the taser into your left leg, causing a burning and writhing sensation to go up your entire body.

"Mercy! Mercy!" you yelled out. Honestly, at this point, you wished you would just pass out.

"One last choice," Keyes started, twirling the knife between his fingers. "I can continue having all my fun with you or I can get your brother and--"

"Jay. Take Jay," you gritted your teeth and said without thinking of the repercussions of your actions.

"What you want, you get."

Keyes unchained your hands and you all but fell into his arms to avoid falling on the cold, hard concrete. He tugged your arm, pulling you up and you could've sworn if he pulled any harder, that your shoulder would have popped out of its socket. He then dragged you over to a large steel door, put in a code, and pushed it open, causing it to scrape against the floor.

That's when you heard him. Jay.

"Let her go you fucking animals!"

"Oh, we're letting her go alright," Keyes chuckled sinisterly as he got closer and closer to the light of the small flickering lightbulb that was hanging from the ceiling, giving the space you and Jay were currently being held an eerie glow. "But the deal was her for you."

***

You didn't know how much time had passed. You tried to keep your mind off of Jay's screams from the torture chamber by translating all your thoughts into Spanish. That only helped for the first few though, because they all had to do with pain.

Me duele. Me duele. Me duele.

I hurt. I hurt. I hurt.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

You were currently tied to a pole about six inches away from the rectangular-looking pipe that Jay had been tied to before Keyes took him. Everything Jay had taught you about survival had gone out the window. Not that you thought it mattered. All he had taught you to really do was how to break zip ties if your wrists and ankles were zip-tied together and if you needed to hit someone, hit their nose with the heel of your hand and then run as fast as possible while their vision was blurry.

Your shoulders ached from holding your weight for so long and the bleeding on your stomach had slowed to a trickle after all those taser hits. Your thigh was still numb from the worst taser hit of them all, but you were slowly regaining feeling in it.

You heard moaning coming from the left of you and turned your head to see a shirtless Jay being dragged back over to you. His face was already bruising and there was blood dripping down his torso. As he got closer, you couldn't even bear to look at him. You were the one who caused this. You were the one who made him go through all this pain. If you would've just taken what Keyes was giving you, Jay wouldn't be hurting as much--if not more--than you were.

They tied Jay to the pipe once more and then Keyes crouched down to your height. You resisted the urge to spit in his face. "I hope he forgives you." He began to caress your face, causing you to grit your teeth to keep from crying out, in fear or disgust, you weren't sure which. "Because I sure as hell wouldn't, sweetheart."

"Get your-- hands-- off her," Jay heavily panted next to you.

"Nobody asked you!" The echo of the slap Jay had just received from Keyes could be heard throughout the entire basement, causing you to flinch backward, hitting your head on the pole.

"Ah, fuck," you muttered through gritted teeth.

"Now, I'm gonna go make a few phone calls, eat some food, maybe have some friends over." At the mention of friends, your eyes widened, hoping that didn't mean what you thought it did. "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart. It's not what you think...yet."

Then, he left and you scooted around the pole so you could be closer to your brother. "I'm a monster," you whispered.

"What?" Jay turned his head to look at you, trying to maneuver his shoulders under the pipe to loosen it once more.

"He said you or me, that I had to choose and I told him to take you. I'm sorry. I should've just let him--"

"No, what you did was the right thing. I'll be fine. I was worried about you the whole time you were in there." Only then did he get a good look at you and saw that you were only in your bra and underwear. "Oh, God. He didn't-- I can't forgive myself if he--"

"Jay, he didn't do that." You shivered, despite being covered in a layer of nervous sweat.

And, Jay being a detective and all, didn't miss that. "Can you move any closer to me?"

You tugged on the rope, using whatever slack it had left in it to slowly drag yourself closer to Jay. Somehow, you got yourself close enough to Jay that you were leaning against him. You felt the warmth of his chest and remembered when Jay had told the doctor one time that his temperature always ran a little high, that that was normal for him. And God, right now you were really thankfully for those extra point three degrees he had on you.

"You're warm," you mumbled.

"You're getting blood in your hair."

"But it's warm." You closed your eyes.

"No, no, no, no, no." Jay moved his shoulder, making your head move up and down.

"Stop it. Trying to take a nap before he comes back."

"No, no we are not doing that. You do not close your eyes on me, Y/N Halstead. Do you understand me?"

You blinked and opened your eyes. "Fine. But everything hurts."

"I know. I know it does, kid. But we're gonna get out of here, okay?" Jay craned his neck to look above him. Then, he looked you up and down. "Think you could fit through that air vent?"

***

"You've reached Jay. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. At the tone please record your message, when you have finished recording--"

"Dammit, Halstead. It's been two hours!" Severide grumbled to himself as he sat on the couch in your house. Then, he scrolled through the phone to find your contact.

He waited for a few rings. "Hey, it's Y/N. I can't come to the phone right now. But pro tip, send me a text and maybe I'll answer that. Bye! At the tone please record your--"

He slammed his finger down on the end call button and went to call the third Halstead in a row, Will.

"Kelly?" Will asked as he answered his phone in the doctor's lounge. "Not to sound rude or anything, but why are you calling me?"

"Have you seen Jay or Y/N?"

"Can't say I have, why?"

"They went out to grab lunch and said they'd drop some off to you and it's been two hours. I don't know, maybe something happened to them."

"Yeah, I'll call Voight. Maybe Jay got called in and Y/N's just at the district. I'll let you know what I find out."

"Thanks, man."

Will ended the call and scrolled through his contacts until he found Hank Voight's phone number.

"Voight," the gravely-voiced sergeant answered.

"Hank, it's Will Halstead. Any chance you've seen my brother or sister lately?"

"No. I gave Halstead the day off and I haven't seen Y/N. Why? Is everything alright?"

"It's just that Kelly Severide just called me and he said that Jay and Y/N were out grabbing food and it's been two hours and neither of them is answering their phones."

"Okay, I'll look into it and get back to you. Don't worry about it. They probably just have no service because of a downed line."

"Yeah," Will agreed, trying to be optimistic. "Thanks."

"No problem, doc."

Voight ended the call and walked out of his office and into the bullpen. It was a slow day in Intelligence and hell, Ruzek hadn't even shown up yet.

"Is Ruzek gonna show up or is he playing hookey today?" Voight asked, annoyed.

"I think he's just hungover," Kevin answered. "If we got a case though, I'll pick him up on the way there and wake his ass up."

"Hank." Voight turned to look at the stairs, seeing none other than Trudy Platt. "You all need to listen to this."

She pressed play on an iPad and your voice came through the speaker. "Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone."

"That's Y/N's voice," Kevin said.

"Trudy, when was this call placed?" Voight asked.

"About an hour and a half ago."

"Okay. Atwater, go pick up Ruzek. Burgess, ping Y/N's phone. Upton, me and you are gonna go suit up and then go find Jay and Y/N's last known."

"Copy that," Hailey answered.

***

"No sign of them, Sarge," Hailey said as she walked around Jay's truck, which showed clear signs of forced entry.

"This is 5021 squad," Voight spoke into his radio, "I need you to roll the crime lab on our current location and notify all units, an officer and a civilian have been abducted."

"Should we call Will?" Hailey asked.

"No. Not until we get more information. We don't need him to know that both of his siblings have been kidnapped. Because, if he's anything like Jay, which there's a 99% chance he is, he'll do something reckless. And we can't have that, not with this case."

"Kim, do you have any pod footage from our location?" Hailey asked.

"I do, but it's not facing that way. Wait, I got something. It looks like there was a squad car...and Jay's truck is out of frame. Dammit!"

"Kim track that patrol car number, see if it was reported missing or stolen."

"Copy."

There was typing on Kim's end before she came back on the radio. "Patrol car was reported stolen from the police garage this morning. According to the GPS, it says it's at the bottom of the Chicago River."

"So, whoever did this ripped the GPS out. Great."

"Hank," Trudy's voice came over the radio.

"What do you have for me, Trudy?"

"You need to get back to the district. There's a package for you and it's got a DVD and a flip phone in it. Some kid dropped it off, said it was important that this be viewed by you and Intelligence."

***

"Anybody else getting deja vu from this? Or is it just me?" Adam asked as he popped the DVD into the computer as everyone else crowded around to get a view of the screen.

"If this is what I think it is, then it is not good," Voight agreed.

"Someone care to enlighten me?" Hailey asked.

"About four years ago, there was this dealer, Derek Keyes. We had a buy going down in Midway and he killed his own brother and took Jay. Sent us a DVD and a flip phone," Adam answered.

"We watched Jay get tortured like an animal," Kevin said.

"And then Keyes called," Adam continued. "He said he wanted all our CI files and to send a lone female officer. We made fake files and sent Erin Lindsay, but they didn't have him. So, Erin had to go back with them, and somehow, I have no idea how those two did it, but they fought off Keyes and his associates and got out of there alive."

"Let's get this over with," Voight said.

They all held their breath as the video booted up. When Adam did press play, they were met with you hanging from the ceiling and being tased. They could hear Jay's screams in the background telling them to let you go.

"J-Jay. Take Jay," you panted and were taken down and dragged out.

Then, the video switched to Jay being tased. Hailey thought she was going to be sick. They had her partner, the man she had finally shared her feelings with and she'd be damned if they took him away from her.

The phone rang and Voight flipped it open and put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"Sergeant Voight, so we meet again," Derek Keyes' voice came through the phone. "I wish it were under better circumstances."

"What do you want, Keyes? We both know how this goes."

"I know what you want," Keyes started, smirking on the other end of the call. "You want your detective and his precious little sister who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've gotta say, Jay is quite the martyr this time around. Not like his sister gave him much of a choice, but he did it willingly. Didn't even fight back when he got back in there, all he said was not to hurt her more than I already have."

"She's just a kid, Keyes!" Adam yelled. "Let her go!"

Adam was like another older brother to you, but he was the fun brother. He always said that if you went to a party and needed a place to crash after without telling your brothers, he was your guy. He was also the one who, whenever you had to be stuck at the district for whatever reason,  would sneak you a few dollars if you didn't have cash on you and you'd get Oreos from the vending machine.

"Oh, but that wouldn't be much fun for me now, would it?" Keyes chuckled.

"What do want?" Voight sneered.

"All of the drugs from the evidence locker. Meet me tonight at ten pm and you'll get your precious detective and his kid sister back. Send a lone, female officer. I'll send you the address."

Then, the line went dead.

"Okay, so we just go and check out all the drugs from evidence and throw them in a bag and do the meet. Simple," Adam stated.

"Are you out of your mind?" Voight asked, stepping closer to Adam. "Most of those drugs are laced, and there no way I am sending that much out onto the streets!"

"It's not just Jay this time! They have Y/N!"

"He's right, Sarge," Kevin backed up his best friend. "If it were just Jay, we might be able to get out of it without getting the drugs to Keyes. But, Y/N's got no way to defend herself in there, not with guys two times her size. You saw how she looked in that video and how she cried out for Jay. He'll do anything for her, Sarge. That's usually a good thing, but it might not be in this case."

They all knew what Kevin was getting at: If it was a choice between you or Jay dying, Jay would take the bullet in a heartbeat.

"Alright," Voight nodded. "I'll go sign out the drugs. Kim, get a wire on Hailey. Atwater and Ruzek, scope out the place and find the best spot to watch the drop."

***

"Jay, I swear to God if you break your damn shoulder--"

"I will not break my shoulder, Y/N." Jay gritted his teeth as he shoved his shoulder into the pipe.

"All I'm saying is that Will is gonna have to poke you with a needle if that happens."

"Listen, we're gonna get poked and prodded anyway." There was a soft clang as one end of the pipe came loose and popped off its bearings.

Jay quickly got his hands out of the rope and moved over to untie you.

"Oh, Thank God." Jay pulled the rope off your wrists, to see blood trickling down them.

"What the hell did you do?" Jay asked. His wrists weren't bloody, just raw, so he didn't know how yours had gotten that bad without you saying something.

"When they were hurting you, I just kept tugging on them. But it didn't work. They just got tighter."

"Yeah, because with the type of knot they tied you up with, the more you tug, the tighter it gets. Can you feel your leg yet?"

"How did you know it was numb?"

"I'm a detective. I notice things and you kept pinching your leg."

"It's better, I guess."

"Try and stand up, walk a few steps, and then we are getting out of here."

"How? You're gonna boost me up to that air vent where we have no idea where it ends and then I'm gonna go outside, pray that it's not snowing, and try and fight this guy off. Not to mention, I am literally just in my bra and underwear!"

"Listen, you probably won't have to go very far before someone who's concerned comes up to you and you ask to use their phone and you call Will, who will call Voight. If Will doesn't pick up, call 911. And, it's Chicago. People have seen weirder things than this."

You started walking around, making sure you could feel your leg. And you could feel it alright. You could feel it aching from your knee up to your hip, but you had to get out of here. You didn't know how much more of that you could take. And, you felt nauseous...but you couldn't tell Jay that or else he'd make you sit down and your escape plan would be dead in the water.

"Ready?" Jay asked.

"As I'll ever be," you answered, walking closer to him.

"You'll be okay, kid. We're gonna be okay."

You nodded, holding back tears, and then took a deep breath. Jay grunted in pain as he took your foot in his hand and boosted you up so that you could reach the open vent. Once you got your hands tightly wrapped around the entrance, Jay pushed so that your body was completely inside. You couldn't imagine the amount of pain he was in as he was having to irritate all of the wounds on his stomach and shoulders to get you up there.

You began your crawl through the dark and hoped that you didn't see a snake or a different type of reptile or rodent. Because, if you did and Keyes didn't kill Jay, you sure as hell would.

You crawled through the dark for what to you felt like hours, but in reality, it had only been three minutes, until you saw a speck of light ahead of you. You went as fast as your injured body would allow you to go, knowing that the outside world and freedom were getting closer and closer with every struggling step.

"Fuck," you muttered. You could see outside through the vent, but there was just one problem. You'd have to kick out the metal filter in order to jump outside.

You stifled a scream as you pulled your legs back, crunching them up to your chest which rubbed against the wounds on your stomach and kicked forward. You heard a creaking noise, taking that as a good sign, you kicked the filter seven more times with all the strength you had left and heard it hit the soft snow below.

You poked your head out, for once thankful that you were being held in a basement so that you were at ground level and wouldn't have to jump from four stories high.

But it was cold, oh so cold, and your lack of clothing didn't help matters.

Then, you heard Jay scream.

Hearing that kicked your adrenaline into high gear and you slipped out of the air vent and onto the ground, your feet making footprints in the snow. But, it was as if you couldn't even feel your feet on the verge of being frostbitten as you ran across the yard, further and further away from that place, closer and closer to safety.

But then, you came to a fence, which made your heart stop. You couldn't remember the last time you had climbed a fence! Yes, it paid to be small so you could fit in an air vent, but it did not help you the slightest bit when trying to jump a fence.

You gripped the metal and slid your foot into one of the rectangles, hauling yourself up as fast as you could.

But, you weren't fast enough.

You were ripped off the fence so fast that it made your head spin, the dizziness causing bile to rise in your throat.

"Let me go!" you yelled, kicking and screaming, hoping that your foot would make contact with any part of Derek Keyes' body that would cause him pain.

"Oh, where's the fun in that?"

"Please--" You couldn't finish your sentence before Keyes had slapped you across the face and then pressed a piece of duck tape on your mouth, effectively shutting you up.

"Much better. Now I can enjoy my peace and quiet."

You huffed and tried to scream through the duck tape, but it was no use. You tried to lick the duck tape like Jay had taught you, but you had been without water for so long that the tape wouldn't lose its stickiness no matter how hard or long you tried. Salty tears rolled down your face, wasting whatever water your probably dehydrated body had left.

You were once again dragged into the basement, meeting Jay, who was on the floor writhing in pain from the taser hit he had just received, chains on his wrists and ankles.

"Look who finally decided to turn back up, detective," Derek said, as he chained you to the pole. You knew that you'd probably need a tetanus shot from the rust getting into your cut-up wrists...if you ever go out of here that is.

"Op! Op!" you tried to yell stop through your duck tape, but that was the best you could do.

"Let her go, Keyes," Jay panted. "You want me, you have me. Now," he paused to take in some much-needed air, "just let her go."

"That was going to be the plan before I caught her trying to escape. I was going to take her and exchange her for the drugs and then maybe your people would find you in time. But, seeing as she is the escapee and you're just the accomplice, I think that she should get a longer prison sentence. That's how it works, isn't it detective?"

You whimpered, but Jay said nothing. A kick to his side made him remember who was in charge. "Yeah, yeah, that's how-- that's how it works."

"Precisely my point." He nodded at one of his associates who pulled out a syringe. Instinctively, Jay flinched. "Aw, is the big, bad detective afraid of a little needle?" Then, he plunged the needle into Jay's shoulder once more.

Jay tried to stay awake by focusing on you, silently telling you that it would be okay, but soon his eyes closed, the drugs taking over his system.

"Get him in the van, go do the deal," he told the guy who had just put sedatives in your brother's system. "As for you, sweetheart, it's time for another game."

***

"Hailey, van pulling up on your six," Ruzek said into his radio.

"Copy," Hailey answered. Seeing as she was unarmed, this needed to go smoothly. Not just for her, but for you and Jay.

As the van pulled up, Hailey's heart beat faster and faster. One slip up and she, Jay, and you would all easily be dead.

"Lone female officer," Keyes' associate said as he pulled up to Hailey. "Voight knows how to listen. You got what we asked for?"

"Sure do," Hailey answered, popping the trunk and pulling out the bag full of drugs. "All the drugs from 21st's evidence locker." She unzipped the bag, showing it to the men. "Now, give me my people, and then you can have 'em."

"That's not how this works. The drugs and then you get them back."

Hailey hesitated, but then she heard Voight's voice in her earpiece. "Do it, Upton. We have them surrounded."

She handed over the bag and he inspected it. "Get him out!" he yelled to the person in the back with Jay.

The door was opened and Jay was shoved out of the van, smashing his face into the gravel as the van sped off.

"Take 'em," Voight said.

"Sarge, Y/N's not here!" Hailey yelled. "It's only Jay and I need an ambo here! Now!"

"They- They got her, Hailey. Escape-- caught-- still there," Jay gasped as Hailey helped him sit up and wiped some blood from his face.

"Jay says Y/N's still there!" Hailey said and then the ambulance came up next to them.

Hailey undid the knots that were holding Jay's wrists and ankles together. They had switched out the chains for rope as soon as they were far away enough from Keyes' place that they knew that Jay wouldn't escape.

"Hailey, I counted- I counted the turns. They didn't give me enough and I woke- I woke up as soon as the van started."

"Sarge, I need you here, now! I think we got something, but I'm gonna need some help."

"Copy," Voight answered.

"Can you stand up, sir?" the paramedic asked Jay.

"Yeah, yeah I can do that." Hailey took his hand and helped him stand up and sit in the back of the ambulance.

"Jesus, man," Adam said as he saw Jay's current state. "You look like hell."

"Not the time," Voight admonished. "Hailey, what do you got?"

"Jay said he counted the turns. So if we can somehow get him in the car, I think he might be able to tell us where to go by backtracking."

"Halstead, you good to go?"

"Yeah," Jay answered, slowly standing up.

"Sergeant," the paramedic turned to Voight, "we really need to get him to Chicago Med."

"Listen to me, his sister is missing and probably being tortured right now. He is the only person who knows where to go because those other two sons of bitches who brought him here ain't talking. So, if you take him to the hospital and his sister dies, her death is on you. But if it makes you feel any better, one of you can ride with us," Voight sneered.

The paramedic reached behind her, pulling out a medical bag. "Take this. Use the hydrogen peroxide to clean the cuts. Use the bandages and gauze to cover them up, but remember to clean all of them." She looked at his stomach. "This one needs stitches, so I'm gonna need to keep him here--"

"No! We can just pack it, can't we?" Hailey asked.

"I mean, you could. It'd only work for a max of two hours."

"Well, we better work fast then," Voight said. "Hailey, help him to the car."

***

Keyes roughly grabbed your face in his hand. You were once again chained up and hanging from the ceiling by your wrists. The minute you stopped swinging, you did what you should've done hours ago. Jay wasn't here to save you and this wasn't going to get any easier. You were saving yourself in this one.

You spat in his face, resulting in you getting a slap across your face and then getting tased in the shoulder.

"I'm getting bored of this," Keyes said, faking a yawn.

He turned around and you used that moment to gather up all your strength and swing backward, using the momentum to carry you forward and kicking your legs out, successfully hitting him in the back, making him fall to the ground with a thud. You wiggled in the chains, ignoring the pain in your bloody wrists screaming out for you to stop. But, who were you kidding? They weren't going to budge.

"Tough girl, huh?" Keyes snarled as he stood up, pulling an orange lighter from his pocket. He flicked it open, flames slithering out. "Good thing I like tough girls. And, I also have another game."

You spit at him again, but he was too far away for it to reach him. "Go to hell!"

"I was going to tell you the rules, but since you wanna be so feisty, you can figure it out as we go."

He moved closer to you and reached up to your arms. You screamed out as the flames licked up your left arm, testing your restraints once more and trying with all your might to swing to the right, away from Keyes and his lighter. As you screamed, Keyes counted.

Then, he went to the other arm and did the same thing, counting to the same number and pulling the lighter away. But, since you kept screaming, he kept counting.

He then moved the lighter around your stomach for six seconds, and you screamed for another two. "You know what this means? Eight seconds the next place I light up. If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this."

"Fuck you!" You felt a wave of nausea again and this time, you knew you weren't going to be able to keep it down. "I'm gonna- I'm gonna--" And then you puked right down yourself. If you didn't already feel humiliated and at the mercy of Keyes, you sure did now. Chained up, covered in your own vomit, and just waiting to be burned once more.

This was how you were going to die. At this point, you just needed to accept it. Maybe if you shut up, you'd be able to die in a little less pain than you were currently in.

Keyes laughed at how helpless you were and moved his lighter to your collarbone. "No, no, please! Please just kill me! Please!" you pleaded.

"Where's the fun in that?"

Then, he held the lighter to your collarbone. You screamed and tried to get away from the lighter, but you were losing energy and through the pain, you remembered what Keyes said: If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this. So, you screamed for two seconds and bit your tongue as hard as you could to keep from yelling out once again, making more seconds get added to your burns.

"You're learning. That's good," Keyes said as he played with the lighter, making the flames go in between his fingers.

"I'll be quiet I promise!"

"Two more seconds." He moved the lighter to your thigh and was about to flick it to make fire spit out when he was loudly interrupted.

"Derek! We gotta go! They found us!"

Keyes threw the open lighter to the ground. "Looks like you'll actually get your death wish."

Then, he bolted out the door as you watched the flames moving across the concrete, quickly starting to burn the pile of rope that sat next to the wall, only making the fire accelerate.

***

"Turn left!" Jay yelled to Voight.

"Is that smoke?" Hailey asked.

Jay saw the black smoke. "That means a house is burning! Call CFD!" he yelled, his Rangers training and all the things he saw in Afghanistan paying off once again.

"This is 5021 Squad, requesting CFD-- Jay, is this close to where you were?"

Jay's face paled, realizing what Voight was insinuating. "Oh my God."

"This is 5021 Squad," Voight started again, "Requesting CFD and Rescue Squad. We have a house fire and possible victim inside in an unknown condition. Offenders assumed to be fleeing, patrol be advised."

***

Your eyelids felt heavy as you felt the flames licking the wall next to you, dangerously close.

Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation. Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation, you thought to yourself. After all, if you were going to end up being burned alive, you'd prefer to be unconscious when it occurred; it'd hurt less.

You thought that you might actually get your way for once today, two days? You didn't know how long you had been here. Your eyelids fluttered closed and you thought you were alive, but then you heard someone calling out to you.

Severide?

The first person you thought you'd hear from or see when you got to heaven, you assumed was going to be your mom, but apparently, that had changed.

"Want Mom," you mumbled, hoping she'd appear out of thin air. Because, you were in heaven and that's what angels do, right?

"Fire Department, call out!"

Why was Severide dead and why was he saying to call out? You were dead so why did you need saving?

"Fire Department, call out!" another voice yelled.

Wait, was that Cruz?

Holy shit, you weren't dead...not yet at least.

"In here," you tried to be as loud as you could, using the last energy you had, but it was just your normal talking voice. So, with all the strength you had left, you tried to clang the chains connected to your wrists and the ceiling together, hoping they'd make enough sound so that they could find you.

"Cruz, get the bolt cutters and cut these chains off her!" you heard Kelly yell. "I'll catch her and then we'll get outta here!"

The smoke hurt your eyes and you were so, so tired.

You felt yourself falling and your eyes shot open in fear. You tried to move out of the hold, but everything hurt...especially the newly added burns from Keyes which were especially tender.

"Y/N, relax. It's just me, it's Kelly."

"Kelly," you muttered, closing your eyes and slipping into an unconscious state.

"I need a medic!" Kelly yelled as he carried you out of the burning house and towards the second ambulance.

Jay was sitting in the first one, getting the cut on his stomach looked at. "Y/N!"

He moved to try and stand to get over to you, but he was pushed back down. "You can see her at the hospital," the paramedic told him. "I can't have you ripping the cut more than it is."

"Jay, she's in good hands," Hailey said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Please, just tell me she's alive." He made eye contact with Kelly who looked at Sylvie. She nodded.

"She's alive, Jay."

***

"Dr. Marcel, trauma victim is two minutes out!" Maggie yelled to Crockett who was standing at a computer, finishing some charts.

"I'll help," Will volunteered.

"Good, know anything else about the victim?"

"Kidnapping victim." Maggie paused, listening to the radio. "Will, you can't treat this patient."

"What do you mean I can't treat this patient?" he asked, taking a step closer to Maggie.

"Will, it's Y/N."

"What?"

"I don't need a wheelchair, Hailey! I can walk!" Jay yelled as he entered the ED, to be met with a shock-faced Will.

"Give it to me," Marcel said as Sylvie rolled you in on the stretcher, still unconscious.

"Y/N Halstead, 20-year-old female, kidnapping victim. Diminished breath sounds, most likely from smoke inhalation. First-degree burns on her stomach, shoulder, and collarbone, needs stitches in her right wrist and a tetanus shot. No broken bones that we could find, but it wouldn't hurt to check. Bruising on a lot of her body, but it looks superficial. Go through concussion protocol as well. There's a big bump on her head," Sylvie answered.

"Thanks, Brett."

"Trauma three!"

Will just stood, staring at you being pushed into the trauma room. Then, he flicked his eyes up at Jay. You were here because of Jay.

"She's gonna be okay, right Will?" Jay asked, walking closer to his older brother.

Will said nothing.

"Will!" Jay yelled once more.

Will's eyes darkened and he looked down at Jay. "She's here because of you!" If Jay had a shirt on, Will would've grabbed him by his collar. "You could've gotten her out of there and you didn't!"

"I tried! We tried to escape and they caught her. They took me instead of her to go back--"

"They took you back instead of her? God, did you even try to fight back, or did you just let them take her back and torture her?"

"Are kidding me right now? You don't think I tried? Look at me! I fucking tried but they chained me to a fucking wall, Will! There wasn't much I could do from there!"

"Okay, okay," Hailey said, stepping between the two men and placing her hands on Jay's chest. "Let's go get you stitched up. And, you two better work this out before Y/N wakes up. Because she will wake up."

***

Will tapped the glass of the entrance to Jay's hospital room, seeing as it was midnight and Will was working a double shift, he had grabbed some coffee to keep him awake. And, knowing Jay, he knew that he wouldn't sleep at a time like this, so he grabbed him a coffee, too.

Hailey had gotten up to go to the bathroom before Will had gotten there, leaving Jay alone. Jay looked up to see who was knocking and nodded his head, allowing his older brother to enter.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Will apologized, handing Jay his coffee. "I know you tried your hardest, it's just, I'm used to seeing you come here in an ambulance, but seeing Y/N? That hits different. It's like everything I learned in med school flew out the window the minute Brett brought her through the ED doors."

"If only we didn't try to escape, then she could've gone when Keyes' people went to do the deal and she wouldn't be in this mess," Jay sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, being careful not to move his left arm too much.

"How's the shoulder?" Will asked.

"I didn't break it. Just hurts a lot. They said if I would've hit it a few more times I would've broken it though."

Will nodded, wanting to ask Jay how the hell you got yourself into this mess. But, he didn't want Jay to shut him down.

"Out with it," Jay prompted. "I know that look. It's when you want to say something, but won't."

Will raked a hand through his hair, tugging on the roots. "How did she even get in this mess to begin with?"

"We were just going to get lunch, that's all we were doing." Jay's voice grew quieter, as he realized that this entire thing was wholly on him and no one else. "I got pulled over and it was- it was Keyes. Must've stolen a patrol car. I- I told her to get down and call 911, but they heard her on the phone. They heard her on the phone and grabbed her, Will. I tried to fight back, but then I was drugged and..." He stopped and looked down. Then, he set his coffee on the table and put his face in his hands as his body began to shake with sobs.

Will stood up and put his hand on Jay's good shoulder, rubbing back and forth. "When I woke up, I was tied to- to a pipe and I heard- I heard her screaming for me."

"Hey, hey, it's okay. She's safe now. She's safe."

And, then Will's pager went off, alerting him that he had an incoming victim of a car crash. "I gotta go, little brother, but Hailey's back." He gave Jay's shoulder one last squeeze and slipped out of the room.

"Jay, I know what you're doing," Hailey said, dragging a chair across the small room to be closer to him. "None of this is your fault."

"But it is, Hailey! If I didn't have the brilliant idea to try and get her to go through that air vent and escape, she wouldn't be here right now."

"You were doing what you thought would get her out of harm's way. You did what you were supposed to do. It just...didn't work out quite right this time."

"Obviously. God, if they would've just taken me instead..."

"Hey, hey. Jay, look at me," Hailey said sternly, grabbing his face in her hands when he looked up at her. "She is safe now and I know for a fact that when Y/N wakes up, she's gonna need you. She can't have you spiraling. She's gonna need all the help, support, and love she can get."

"But what if she hates me?" Jay whispered. "I'm the reason she's in all that pain."

"She could never hate you, not now, not ever. And, Keyes is the reason she's in all that pain. Not you, most definitely not you."

***

You woke up to the steady hum of machines and you felt something in your arm.

Keyes was going to drug you just like he did to Jay. And the machines were so that he could electrocute you.

"Please wake up," you heard Jay mutter.

If he was here, that means the deal didn't go down as planned and Jay probably had more injuries. You couldn't open your eyes, for fear of what condition your big brother would be in because of you. If only you had gotten over that fence...

They didn't know you were awake yet, so you fumbled with the needle in your arm, hoping to pull it out to stop any more drugs from invading your system.

You jumped back as you felt someone's hand on your arm, keeping the needle in and your eyes shot open, to be met with just Jay.

You moved away from him, knowing that if he was back, Keyes would follow.

"I need some help in here!" Jay yelled as you reached once more for the needle in your arm.

"Y/N, we need you to calm down!" Maggie told you as she ran in, grabbing your hand to pull it off the arm where the IV was. "You're in the hospital, at Chicago Med. Will's here, but he's with a patient."

That was when you finally took in your surroundings. The hum of the machines were the monitors, and whatever was going into your body were drugs, but they were to get you better.

Your heart rate steadily slowed, until it was back to its normal rhythm. "There you go," Maggie said as she handed you a cup of water which you gladly drank. "I'll get Will and Dr. Marcel."

"Thanks, Maggie," Jay said, finally sitting down again. You ran the fingers of your left hand over the stitches on your right wrist and started poking at them. "Uh, no," Jay told you as he saw what you were doing. You looked up at him. "I know it's your first time getting stitches, but I can promise you, as someone who has gotten over 100, they aren't as interesting as they seem."

Luckily, Jay was saved from telling you to stop messing with stuff when Will and Crockett entered.

"Y/N, you're okay, kid," Will said as he gave you a small hug, careful of your injuries. You just looked at him and nodded.

"Now, Miss Halstead," Marcel began, "how are you feeling?" You didn't say anything, just kept staring. "Does anything hurt?" Again, he received no response.

Will and Marcel shared a looked, they knew what this could be. And, that didn't go unnoticed by Jay. "What? What's going on?"

"She could have sustained other neurological injuries besides her concussion, as it seems like she can't hear us," Marcel answered.

"You're saying our sister's deaf?" Jay asked, horrified.

"That's not what I'm saying, but it is a possibility. I just need to do a quick neuro exam to be sure."

He reached into his pocket, causing you to flinch and move back on the bed, your heart rate rising as you remembered Keyes reaching into his pocket to grab the lighter. This did not go unnoticed by the three men in the room.

"Jay, hand me that whiteboard and marker behind you, would you?" Will asked.

Jay handed it to him. "What are you doing?"

"Writing down what Dr. Marcel's doing so that Y/N knows. Because, if she did lose her hearing, she has no idea what he's grabbing right now."

"Oh," was all Jay said. If his sister went deaf all because of him, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

Marcel's grabbing a flashlight, you read. And then he's gonna shine it in your eyes and you have to follow it w/o moving your head.

You nodded, understanding what he was doing, even though you could hear the whole conversation.

You completed the exam and everything seemed neurologically intact. The two doctors shared a look. "Jay, come with us," Will said.

"I'll be right back," Jay told you. He thought about squeezing your hand but thought it might be too early for him to do that without warning. When you squeezed Marcel's hand during the neuro exam, that didn't freak you out because Will had written it on the whiteboard, telling you what was about to happen.

"What's going on? She did everything right in there," Jay asked once they were out of the room.

"Everything is neurologically intact," Marcel answered.

"But..."

"But, she's traumatized, to say the least."

"So you're telling me that our sister won't talk because she's been through trauma?" Jay asked, quieter this time.

"Short answer, yes."

"Why?"

"There's a multitude of reasons. She might not feel safe and comfortable yet. Your captor might have told her if she talked, that he'd hurt her."

"He never said that to her," Jay said. "Not when I was there anyway." Then, he turned to his brother. "She's gonna talk, right? She won't be like this forever?"

"It's all up to Y/N, now," Will answered. "She'll talk when she feels like talking."

"Care to give me a timeline on that?"

"Could be hours, days, months. I've heard stories in my psych rotation of it taking years."

"So what do we do?"

"You just be there for her," Marcel answered Jay's question. "Both of you."

***

2 days since kidnapping

You were finally headed home after being stuck in the hospital, not that it really mattered to you anyway. The only difference was that you would get to sleep in your own bed and look at the pile of homework on your desk that should be getting done, but not doing it.

Jay unlocked the front door and you walked inside, glad to be home. "I'm gonna make us some breakfast. Anything specific you want?" Jay asked. You just shrugged. "Okay, breakfast burritos it is then."

You headed into the bathroom to shower while Jay was making breakfast. You hadn't looked at yourself in the mirror since you had been kidnapped, and quite frankly, you had no desire to. You had seen the number Keyes had done on your stomach, arms, and thighs, and you didn't want to see what he did to your face. If it looked as bad as it felt though, it'd give a toddler nightmares.

You stood in the shower, using mostly cold water, so your burns didn't hurt too badly. You used a washcloth in place of a loofa to avoid opening any stitches, cuts, or burns. And, you had switched out your face wash with Jay's since his didn't have scrubbing beads in it, so they didn't irritate the bruises on your face.

You showered and changed into your comfiest pajamas (careful to have your back to the mirror while changing so you didn't so much as peek at yourself), and wrapped yourself in your favorite blanket. You grabbed gauze, bandages, and the cream you were supposed to put on your burns to have Jay help you re-wrap your burn on your left arm. Then, you walked back into the kitchen, to see Jay wrapping up your burrito.

"Not only are we eating burritos, but you're one, too," Jay joked, referring to you being wrapped in a blanket, as he set the plate of food down in front of you.

You shrugged and nodded. You set the supplies on the table and then held your arm out to him. He moved a chair closer to you and spread the cream on the burn, put the bandages on top, and then wrapped it in the gauze. "Not too tight, is it?"

You shook your head no and then started to nibble on your burrito.

By the time you were only halfway done, Jay had eaten two burritos and put his plate in the dishwasher. "You're not getting up from the table until you finish that," Jay stated, turning to you.

You scowled at him, but he just smiled back. "I'll even watch Survivor with you while you eat. And we can watch as many episodes as you want...but if you don't finish that, we're only watching one episode. Sound good?"

You looked at him and nodded, and he went off to his bedroom to grab his laptop.

The episode started to play and you knew which one it was immediately: the three amigos episode where your favorite castaway was at the bottom with his two alliance members and they all played immunity idols to avoid going home that night. You looked at Jay and nodded, telling him that he made a good choice.

You slowly but surely finished your burrito, not before heating it back up in the microwave during the ad breaks, just before the end of the episode. "You know what episode comes next, right?" Jay asked as if you had no idea. "The one where Malcolm gets voted off."

That was your favorite player in Survivor that season, but seeing as you had seen that episode before, you knew it was coming. So, you just shrugged and moved to the couch to continue your binge-watching.

***

Jay slowly closed his laptop, trying to make as little noise as possible so he didn't wake you. The two of you had broken for meals and to go to the bathroom, but other than that, you had watched Survivor all day. Typically, Jay hated sitting around all day and doing nothing, since that meant he was being unproductive, something he had learned from his years in the military. But, seeing how distracted you looked when watching the show even though you knew what was going to happen, he knew he couldn't just leave you after everything that had happened.

You had fallen asleep halfway through the episode, so Jay finished it by himself, but was sure to jot down the time in case you wanted to finish watching it tomorrow. He turned on the lamp on the small table next to you and put a glass of water next to you in case you woke up in the middle of the night.

Typically, he'd sleep with a fan on, something that you now did as well, but tonight, tonight that was not going to happen. He knew he had to have as little background noise as possible in case you woke up screaming or gasping in the middle of the night.

***

You were chained to the ceiling once again. And, just like last time, your feet didn't touch the ground so you just hung there, practically limp. But, unlike last time, Derek Keyes was nowhere in sight.

You strained your ears to try and hear anything that would alert you that he was coming but you heard nothing, absolutely nothing except the clink of the chains when you moved.

That was until you heard yelling, Jay yelling to be precise.

"I said you for the drugs and this," There was a pause, you assumed so that Keyes could show whatever the hell it was to your brother. "this is not drugs!"

You heard Jay yell and then you heard a sound, like someone dragging a sack of potatoes across the floor. And, it was getting louder.

The door opened, revealing Keyes dragging Jay inside the room, followed closely by an associate of his. You tried to swing back.

"Get her down," Keyes commanded. "And then tie her up with that rope over there. Make sure her hands are tied in front of her though and leave a line of rope dragging on the floor."

"Don't touch her!" Jay spat with all the energy he had left.

Keyes punched Jay in the face. "Shut the fuck up!"

Jay spat out blood and made eye contact with you. I'm sorry he mouthed. You sucked in a breath, knowing that this would not be good for either of you if Jay was apologizing before anything even happened.

You were roughly taken down from the chains and tied up in the corner now. You could probably try and walk around, try and make a run for it even, but your hands were tied in front of you and that door would be too heavy for you to push open without them tied up. You needed a code, too. So, there was no escaping.

"Now, you're taking her place and you just get to watch," Keyes said as he chained Jay up to the ceiling.

"Do whatever you want to me! Just leave her alone!"

Keyes punched Jay in the stomach. "What did I say? Shut up!"

Keyes then walked over to you, pulling a lighter from his pocket. You tugged on the rope as hard as you could, moving your entire upper body to try and get loose, but it was no use.

"Now, I'm going to light the end of this and it's going to slowly travel up the rope and to your hands. Maybe I'll put the fire out when it just gets your hands, maybe I'll let you die a slow and painful death by fire. You'll just have to wait and see."

"Keyes you can do whatever you want with me! Just don't touch her!" Jay yelled, pulling on the chains and trying to move closer to you.

Keyes flicked open the lighter.

"Please no," you whimpered. He crouched down at the end of the rope, the flame dancing dangerously close to it.

Then, you heard a crash. Did Jay somehow pull off the unthinkable and break out of his chains?

"Y/N, Y/N wake up."

Wake up? What did that mean? You were awake. If you weren't you wouldn't feel the rope digging into your wrists--

You jolted awake as you felt someone gently touch your shoulder.

"Y/N, it's Jay. You're at home on the couch. You're safe." At this, you went to sit up but were stopped when you felt a wetness on your right wrist as if it had been sitting in water.

You turned and looked at your hand. It was covered in blood. Then, you looked at the floor and saw the broken water glass that Jay must've left out for you.

"I'm gonna throw a few towels on the floor and then we're gonna get you cleaned up, okay? Looks to me like you threw out a few stitches."

He left to go grab a few towels and then came back--this time with shoes on--and laid them on the floor. "Do you mind if I quick pick you up just to get you into the hallway? Wouldn't want you to get glass in your foot and have to get more stitches." You hesitated, but nodded, allowing Jay to carry you to the hallway, your blanket still wrapped around your shoulders, where he then set you back down and you followed him to the bathroom.

Jay flicked on the light and pulled out the first kit, while you pushed yourself up onto the counter using your good wrist.

"I need you to rinse it out," Jay said as he reached over and turned on the faucet. "That way, if it's really bad, I can tell and call Will to come over here. But, maybe we'll get lucky and we can just wrap it up for right now and get it restitched in the morning."

You placed your wrist under the running water, thankful that Jay had tested the temperature to make sure that it was not too hot and not too cold. After a few seconds, you took it back out and allowed Jay to gently pat it dry with a towel. Then, he looked at it and came up with his verdict.

"I think I know what happened," Jay started.

You furrowed your eyebrows. You didn't even know how this happened, so how did he know?

"I think you kept rubbing your wrist back and forth on that jagged edge of the table because there's a splinter in here." You jerked your arm away from him, hiding your hand back under the safety of your blanket. Ain't no way in hell he was digging into your open wound with a pair of tweezers, no way in hell.

"Relax, I'm not gonna take it out. I'm gonna call Will and he's gonna take it out and stitch you back up." You shook your head, no. No way were you even allowing your doctor brother to take a pair of tweezers into your open skin. "He'll numb it and everything, don't worry," Jay reassured you, pulling out his phone.

"Will! It's not Lanik calling to cover your shift, it's me." you listened to Jay's side of the conversation. "Y/N threw out some stitches and now there's a splinter in there, so I need you to come over and fix it." There was a pause. "Believe me, if I thought it could wait a few more hours, you wouldn't be getting this call." Another pause. "Yeah, you can just stay over here. No, just a blanket." Another pause, this time longer. "Yeah, I'll try and do that. See you soon."

He set his phone on the counter and turned back to you. "Okay, so here's the deal and I know you're not gonna like it." You raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. "Will said that that needs to be wrapped in a clean towel." You pulled your wrist tighter against the fabric of your blanket. "And that is not going to cut it."

You shook your head, no. Your blanket was warm and it made you feel safe and secure when it was wrapped tightly around you. "Y/N, it's got blood on it." He paused, trying to figure out how he could do this. "Tell you what, if you let me wrap your wrist in a clean towel, I'll let you use my weighted blanket while yours is in the wash. Deal?"

Jay offering you his weighted blanket? What kind of fever dream was this?

Will had gotten that blanket for Jay when he got home from Afghanistan for the second time to help ease his nightmares. He kept it in his closet most nights now, but you did see him using it after some particularly rough cases. One of those times being when he had been kidnapped by Keyes the first time.

You nodded, telling him that you had a deal, and out your arm. He pulled a clean hand towel out of the closet and the medical tape from the first aid kit. Then, he wrapped up your wrist, not without you wincing, and taped it.

"Now, do you want to go to your room or the living room to wait for Will?" You pointed to yourself. "Your room it is then. Can I take that blanket? I promise I'll be back with the weighted one in three minutes tops," he promised.

Reluctantly you handed over the blanket, which blood had soaked through in a small spot, and then made your way into your room.

True to his word, Jay came back in holding his gray weighted blanket. He placed it over your shoulders, seeing as you were currently staring off into space, your mind wandering back to the nightmare that caused all of this.

What if Intelligence hadn't gotten Keyes the drugs? Was that what would've happened?

"Y/N," you were pulled out of your thoughts by Jay softly saying your name. You looked up at him. "Whatever you dreamt out there--because I know you were dreaming since I had to wake you up--it isn't real. Keyes is locked up and he won't ever be getting out." He didn't know that for sure, he just knew they had him and his associates in county at the moment, awaiting sentencing. But, he'd say anything to ease your fears.

You nodded half-heartedly at him and he looked at your desk, textbooks still open to where that had been before the kidnapping. "If you want to take a semester off, that's fine. If you want to go back or see if you can finish the semester online, that's fine, too."

You shrugged. In all honesty, you had no idea what you wanted to do. You knew you wanted to finish the semester because you didn't want all of your tuition money to go to waste, you just didn't know how you'd do it, if you even could do it.

"You don't have to make a decision now or even in a week, just keep it in mind." Jay grabbed your laptop off your desk and set it on your bed. "Mind if I sit next to you?"

You moved over, allowing him to sit on your bed and he opened the laptop and passed it to you, silently telling you to put in your password. You did so and handed it back to him. "Figured we could finish the episode you fell asleep watching."

Just as the episode had finished loading, you heard a door open and you pushed yourself back further into the bed. You could jump off and hide in the closet if you needed to. You didn't think you could fit under your bed anymore, but it was worth a try if--

"Jay! It's Will! Where are you two?"

You visibly relaxed as you heard his voice. Jay placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Breathe, it's just Will. It's just Will." He gave you a second to take a deep breath and exhale. "Good. Now, I'm gonna go get him and you're gonna go in the bathroom. We'll meet you there. Is that okay with you?" You nodded. "Good."

You made your way into the bathroom and sat on the counter again, your--well actually Jay's--blanket, still wrapped around you.

"Hey," Jay greeted Will as he stood in the living room, holding his medical bag, a backpack which Jay assumed held clothes since he was going to just spend the rest of the night here, a small whiteboard, and a pack of dry-erase markers. "What are the whiteboard and markers for?" Jay asked, taking Will's medical bag from him.

"Figured if Y/N was up to it, she could write on the board so we know what she's saying."

"Good idea."

"That's why I'm the doctor and you're the cop."

"Shut up. Y/N's in the bathroom waiting for you."

Will and Jay entered the bathroom to be met with you sitting on the floor sobbing. "Whoa, whoa," Jay exclaimed, crouching down next to you. "What happened?"

You shook your head, not wanting to tell your brothers. "It's okay," Will started, crouching down on the other side of you. He handed you the whiteboard and a purple marker, your favorite color.

You stared at it, wondering if you could do it. So, you just scribbled NO.

"Wanna tell us why?" Jay prompted.

You'll laugh at me.

"No we won't. We promise," Will reassured you.

You squeezed your eyes closed, letting more tears fall before you finally decided to tell them. I looked in the mirror for the first time since

You didn't finish writing the sentence, only set the whiteboard down and waited for them to read it.

Neither of them knew how to respond, because how did they respond to their little sister seeing her face covered in faded bruises for the first time? Jay wanted to say that it would all be okay, that he knew how you were feeling because of the number of times he had looked in the mirror and saw bruises on his face and body, whether in the rangers or from being a cop, but he knew it was different. It was different because being a girl came with more insecurities, one of them being your skin. And, even though you didn't wear makeup, this was different than not wearing makeup. You chose to not wear makeup. You didn't choose to have this happen to you.

So, Jay just wrapped one arm around you protectively and Will squeezed your good hand, both reminding you that they were there, even though they had no idea what to say at the moment. And, that was all you needed: comfort from family while you cried out all that you had been holding in.

After staying in that position for about ten minutes, you were finally calm enough to push yourself up onto the counter and let Will do his job. He unzipped his medical bag and pulled out a syringe and a bottle, of what you assumed to be the liquid that would numb the affected area.

"Hey, turn away now because I'm getting the needle out," Will told you. He turned to Jay. "You might want to, too."

You weren't afraid of needles per say, you just didn't like to see how big they were before you got the injection. It always helped to look away when you were getting an injection and to not look at it while the nurse or doctor was prepping.

Surprisingly, Jay was fine. Usually, his hands get all clammy and his face gets a bit pale. You just chalked it up to him not being the one being stuck with the needle this time. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Y/N," Will started, "This is gonna hurt since it's going into an open wound."

"Man, why would you tell her that?" Jay exclaimed as he unwrapped the towel from your wrist.

"Thought she might need to be prepared. Now, I'm just gonna wipe it down with some disinfectant and then give you the local anesthetic, and then I can get the sutures in."

Jay held out his hand for you, silently telling you to squeeze it. Will wiped it down and that didn't feel so bad.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Jay coaxed as he watched Will pick up the syringe. "Squeeze my hand as hard as possible. You won't hurt me, I promise."

Then, you felt the pain of the needle in your skin as you squeezed your eyes shut, gritted your teeth, and squeezed the ever-loving life out of Jay's hand. But, after five seconds, the needle was out and after a minute, you couldn't feel your wrist.

You let go of Jay's hand and Will pulled out a pair of tweezers to remove the splinter. After that, he disinfected the area once more and put in new stitches.

"Good as new," he told you.

Thanks, you wrote on the whiteboard.

"No problem, kid." You stifled a yawn. "Go get some sleep. We'll still be here in the morning. Promise."

You rewrapped the weighted blanket around yourself and looked at Jay, silently asking if you could keep it for the night. "I guess you can keep it just for tonight," he relented as your blanket had just finished in the washing machine and still needed to be dried. "Besides, if I need anything, I've got this knucklehead here to keep me company."

"Who you calling knucklehead, knucklehead?"

You rolled your eyes at their immaturity and walked to your room to go to sleep. But, instead of turning off the lights all the way like you normally did, you dimmed them. You knew you would be using that dimmer for awhile.

***

Will walked into your room the next morning--well, closer to afternoon actually--to see you still wrapped in Jay's weighted blanket, laying on top of your other bed sheets and comforter. The lights were still on and he was shocked that Jay didn't turn them off when he woke up this morning and it started to get light out.

"Y/N. Y/N, wake up." He gently touched your blanket-covered shoulder, making you flutter your eyes open ad look at him. "Morning, sleepyhead. Your head hurt? Any nausea?"

He waited for a beat to see if you would speak and when you didn't, he handed you the whiteboard and the marker.

No, why?

"Because it's 11 o'clock and you don't normally sleep this late and you have a concussion, so I'm worried about post-concussion symptoms."

I'm fine.

"Okay, well I'm gonna go make some food, give you some time to wake up."

You picked up your phone and saw a text from Jay telling you that your blanket should be dry and that he was at the district and would be home later.

You went into the kitchen and were about to go get your blanket from the dryer when you heard the flickering sound of a burner being turned on. Your eyes landed on the flame and you slowly walked backward, afraid that it would somehow burn you even though it was twenty feet away.

You winced as you backed into the table, hitting your low back. Immediately, Will turned off the burner and turned around. "Y/N? You okay?" You stood still and stared at the stove. "Hey, that noise was just the burner turning on. It wasn't anything else, I promise."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. Then, you dropped the blanket and made your way to the bathroom to go take a shower.

"If you're showering, be careful with your stitches!" Will yelled to you. "And, I'll help you re-wrap your burns after, too if you need."

You undressed and gently unwrapped the bandages from your burns.

Keyes did this to you.

Keyes' lighter did this to you.

Fire did this to you.

***

"Hey, man, good to have you back," Adam greeted Jay as he walked into the bullpen.

"Thanks," he replied, taking a seat on the edge of Hailey's desk.

"How are you doing?" Hailey asked. "You look tired."

"I mean, I've been better, obviously," Jay answered, rubbing a hand on his face. "Y/N popped some stitches last night when she had a nightmare, so we had to call Will and deal with that in the middle of the night."

"Halstead, here to make your statement?" Voight asked as he emerged from his office.

"Yeah, you wanna just do it out here? Because I know all of you want to know what happened and it'll save me a lot of talking if I only have to say it once."

"If that's what you wanna do, then we can do that."

Voight grabbed a notepad and a pen. "Start from the beginning."

"We were just going to grab lunch, that's all..."

Once he was done giving his statement, Jay was drained needless to say. He was in the locker room and God, all he could think of were your pleas for help when you were both held captive. He was sitting against the lockers, head in his hands, quiet sobs leaving his lips.

"Jay," Hailey alerted as she walked into the locker room. She slid down the lockers next to him. "Jay, hey, it's okay."

"It's not okay, Hailey!" He yelled. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just, she hasn't said a goddamn word since she was rescued from that house."

Hailey wrapped her arm around Jay, allowing him to lay his head on her chest. "And you're keeping all your emotions in to stay strong for her so she doesn't break any more than she already is, aren't you?"

"How did you know that?" he whispered.

"Because I know you, Jay. You always look out for others but sometimes you forget to look out for yourself. Just remember that I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you."

Hailey ran a comforting hand through his hair. "What if she- what if she doesn't forgive me?"

"She knows it's not your fault. You did everything you could. Hell, you even tried to get her to escape all while knowing it would be worse for you when Keyes came back. You did a good thing, Jay."

"She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time last night," Jay stated.

"What?" Hailey asked, confused.

"She hadn't looked in the mirror since before all this went down. Me and Will walked into the bathroom and she was sobbing. I didn't even know what to say to that. What do I do if she doesn't talk again, Hailey? I didn't know what to say when she broke down last night. If I can't do that, how am I going to handle the rest of this?"

"You just have to remember one thing. Y/N's still in there. It might take a little digging, but underneath all the dirt that Keyes buried her in, she's still there, just underneath it. You and Will just need to dig her out, one shovel-full at a time. And, I'm sure all of us will help with some of that digging."

"Thank you," Jay choked out.

How did I get so lucky? he thought to himself.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Hailey still running a hand through Jay's hair and giving him the comfort he so desperately needed.

"I better get going," Jay whispered.

"I understand."

Jay stood up first and held out his hand to help Hailey up. He splashed some water in his face and dried it, trying to get rid of the tear stains and Hailey took something out of her locker.

"What's this?" he asked, taking the book, Corrupt, and a bag of pumpkin spice coffee from her.

"I saw the book on Y/N's to-read list on Goodreads and figured she could use the distraction. And, I remember her complaining one day about running out of pumpkin spice coffee."

"Where'd you find it? She looked everywhere for it and she couldn't find it because it's out of season."

"Never underestimate the power of Amazon," Hailey smiled.

"You're the best, Hails, really."

"So I've been told."

Jay rolled his eyes at that comment and the two parted ways, but not before Jay gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when no one was watching.

***

"How's she doing?" Jay whispered to Will as he entered the house.

Will motioned for Jay to follow him since you were sitting on the couch watching tv.

"I turned on the stove and she freaked, man," Will told his brother as soon as they were in Jay's room safely out of earshot of you. "She just like backed into the table and then she went and took a shower and everything was normal after that."

"Still no talking?"

"Not a word."

"Damn."

"She'll come around. She's a Halstead, our stubborn asses don't go down without a fight."

"You're right about that."

"I'm always right, little brother. We just have to wait."

"I don't think I have to tell you that Halsteads don't have a patient bone in their bodies. And, you are not always right. If I recall correctly, you violated a DNR your first year at Med, which was wrong."

"Okay, so I've been wrong sometimes, but I'm right most of the time."

"Shut up. Now get out so I can change."

You were continuing your Survivor binge when you felt the couch dip next to you. You looked up to see Jay.  I didn't even know you were home, you scribbled on your whiteboard.

"Just got home about ten minutes ago. I tried to be quiet in case you were sleeping. Hailey got these for you."

He handed you a book and a bag of coffee. How'd she know?

"Mentioned something about you complaining about being out of that coffee and she looked on that one website you use for your books."

Goodreads?

"Yeah, that."

You better keep her. I approve.

"Shut up," Jay joked. "And you better erase that before Will sees."

You erased it just before Will returned, this time carrying a bowl of popcorn. He sat down on the other side of you.  "Now, what episode are we on?"

And, you picked up the remote started the next episode.

***

4 weeks since kidnapping

"Coffee, kid?" Jay asked as you sat at the table eating a bagel. You had been up for two hours already and it was only seven am. You nodded at him and he pulled out another mug from the cupboard. "How long have been up? You're looking a little tired."

2 hours you wrote on the whiteboard.

Even though it's been a month and the bruises had disappeared, the burns had turned into scars, and the stitches had been removed, one thing hadn't healed: your will to talk. Everyone around you had been waiting for you to utter a single word, but it hadn't come yet. They'd gotten used to you writing in dry erase marker to communicate.

You had resumed all of your classes online so that you didn't have to go to class. At first, some professors were skeptical that you'd be able to pass the class because of how much time you missed, but when you, Will, and Jay showed up to your university's administrators and your  academic advisor to explain the situation accompanied by Voight, they relented. It helped to have the most infamous cop in Chicago on your side.

You put your head in your hands. "Hey, hey." Jay placed a hand on your shoulder and bent down so his eyes were level with yours. You lifed your head. "Everything's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through today and the next and the next. We've made it this far. We've got no choice but to continue," he told you, the last two quotes being something that Mouse had told him when they had both returned from Afghanistan as shells of the men they had previously been.

"And before you question me, I know this because you're coming to the district with me today. And, no, it's not up for discussion."

Okay, but I'm driving myself, you wrote, not in the mood to argue right now.  

"Listen, as long as you go, I could care less how you get there."

***

"Morning mini Halstead," Adam said as you entered the district.

"Damn, Ruz. Not running late for once? I'm shocked," Jay joked.

"I'll have you know that I am very punctual."

"Wow, using big boy words," Jay quipped as he punched in the code and then placed his hand on the palm scanner.

"Morning, Jay," Hailey said, giving Jay a kiss once he was settled at his desk.

"Morning, Hails."

Adam made a gagging sound and you smacked him on the chest. Shut up, they're cute, you wrote on your whiteboard.

"Yeah, Adam! Shut up, we're cute!" Jay yelled.

Yes, now everyone knew that Hailey and Jay were a couple. Yes, they had filled out the proper HR forms. No, neither had been fired. Yes, they were still partners. And, no, Will still hadn't given you your fifty bucks. Yes, he had probably forgotten all about the bet you two had made.

"Alright, everyone listen up!" Voight yelled as he came out of his office. "Seeing as everyone wanted to run out early last weekend, you know what day it is. Everyone's favorite: paperwork."

The unit groaned and you just scribbled on your whiteboard. Haha, you have to do big kid homework.

"Yeah, yeah, it's hilarious," Jay replied. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, you've been complaining about a test."

You rolled your eyes and walked into the breakroom, leaving the door open in case they started messing around and you wanted a break.

***

It was nearing eleven when you heard an unfamiliar voice in the bullpen. "Taser recertification day everyone. To testify in court, you need to be tased at least once every year to know the effects."

Taser. Keyes. Pain. Burns. Terrifying. No, Y/N, you can't think that. He's locked up 23 and one. Now, focus on your damn homework.

Which amendments are also known as the Reconstruction amendments?

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

13th, 14th, and 15th amendments.

You heard Kevin grunt. "Bigger they are, the harder they fall."

What are the three clauses in the 13th amendment?

"Who's next?"

"Fine, I'll do it. Not like this hasn't happened before. Just, please do my shoulder. Lord knows I've taken more hits to my pecs and abdomen than I can count."

Yelling and groans of pain...from none other than your brother.

Keyes. Keyes had found you guys and he wanted to finish what he started. Somehow he had gotten in here and stolen the taser and now he had Jay. It was just a matter of time before he found you, too.

There weren't any perfect hiding places in here, but if you moved the couch you might be able to crouch behind it and call for help before he found you. You could call Kelly or Will and tell them to call another precinct to get over here and fix it. Because, if Keyes had gotten in here and gotten his hands on a taser, then the cops in the 21st district precinct obviously couldn't do their jobs.

You got off your chair, staying close to the ground to make it harder for Keyes to spot you. You pulled, moving half of the couch away from the wall.

"What was that?"

Shit, he found you.

You could fit behind there, right? Yeah, yeah you could fit behind there.

"Who moved the couch?"

You hugged your knees to your chest, hearing footsteps coming closer and closer to you, and squeezed your eyes shut.

Someone touched your arm and you uncurled yourself and started kicking. You heard someone moan in pain as you felt your boot-clad foot make contact with someone else. You hoped it was Keyes.

"Stop fighting! Stop fighting!" You felt another person coming closer and closer to you and you swung your arm out, palm making contact with what you assumed to be someone's cheek.

"Y/N! Y/N! It's me, Jay! The person you just slapped is Jay. And the person you kicked is Adam. You're in the district, you're safe."

You opened your eyes and slowly blinked a few times. You saw Jay in front of you holding his hands up in surrender, a red mark on his left cheek. Adam was rubbing his shin and Voight, Hailey, Kevin, and Kim were all standing in the doorway with looks of worry spread across their faces.

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. You couldn't believe you just did that.

Jay nodded to everyone and they left the room, Adam closing the door behind him. You looked down; you couldn't even bear to look at Jay.

"You're okay," he whispered. "Do you know where you are?" You nodded. "Good, that's good. That's really good."

You hugged your knees to your chest once more and frantically shook your head back and forth.

"I know you don't think it's okay, Y/N. But, I forgive you. I know it wasn't you who was doing that. Hell, I know better than anyone else in this unit. I know you're showing PTSD symptoms and that's fine. We just gotta take it day by day."

You finally looked up at him. Your lips began to tremble and your body shook with sobs. It had been a month! This should be over by now! You should be back to normal by now! Why the fuck couldn't you just get over it?

"I know it's hard, I know," Jay whispered. "Can I touch you?"

You nodded and he somehow squeezed himself next to you and wrapped you a hug, letting you cry it all out once more.

Ten minutes had passed and you were sure you had run out of tears when Jay said, "Let's go grab some Oreos from the vending machine downstairs, and then we can get out of here. What do you say?"

You nodded and he helped you to your feet. Then, you put everything in your backpack and walked out of the breakroom.

"You're okay little mama," Kevin said and enveloped you in a hug before you got past his desk. "You're good."

You managed to give him a small smile before you turned to Adam and pulled out your whiteboard.

I'm so sorry.

"It's not that bad, really. Beats getting kicked in the balls on a case any day."

You and Jay were walking down the stairs when you saw Voight. "Give that taser certification guy hell for me, will you?" Jay asked.

He nodded and gave you a pat on the back, Voight's version of a hug.

***

6 weeks since kidnapping

Jay put the finishing touches on your cupcake, complete with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, before sticking the candle in the top. Today was your 21st birthday. He had already made the mimosa you said you wanted to have when you woke up (you had mentioned it 3 months before and he had put it in his calendar to remind himself) and it was sitting in the fridge to keep cold. He grabbed his lighter and walked to your room.

Voight was nice enough to give him and Hailey the day off so they could spend it with you, during the day that was. You had mentioned that you wanted to go out with some friends to a bar, but that was before everything had happened six weeks ago, so he assumed it wasn't on. Nevertheless, he, Hailey, and Will were still on a mission to make this birthday memorable...even if your first drinking experience at a bar would happen at Molly's with your brothers and their friends instead of out at a bar or club with your friends.

He flicked on a lamp when he got to your room and then walked to your bedside, gently shaking your shoulder. "Y/N, wake up."

You rolled over and slowly opened your eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. Seeing Jay with a cupcake in his hand, you gave him a close-lipped smile.

"Happy, happy birthday. Today's your special day. You just got a cupcake, now blow the flame away. Hey!" Jay sang and then pulled out an orange lighter and flicked it open.

Your eyes grew wide as the flame danced from the lighter and onto the candlewick.

"Make a wish." He held the cupcake closer to you.

"I'll be quiet, I promise!" You scrambled backward and into the furthest corner of your bed away from Jay and the fire he was currently holding towards you.

He hadn't heard you speak in a month and a half, no one had.

Quickly, Jay blew out the candle and pocketed the lighter. Holding his hands up in surrender, he just stared at you as you began to shake in fear.

"Y/N," Jay whispered, still holding his hands to show you that the lighter wasn't in his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you."

You didn't look up. You didn't stop shaking.

He was lying. It was a ploy to get you to talk so that he could burn you longer.

He took a risk and touched your arm and you yanked it away, expecting it to burn. "I'll be quiet, I promise!" you repeated.

"Y/N, it's Jay. Do you know where you are?" He flicked on the light, hoping that would help.

No answer.

"You're in Chicago. You're at home. It's your birthday. Keyes isn't going to burn you, I promise."

At the mention of Keyes and burns, you swatted at the air, hoping that you could knock the lighter out of Keyes' hand when he didn't have it flicked open.

"Okay, noted," Jay muttered to himself. He had never seen you this bad before, not right after the attack, not after the nightmare, hell not even after the taser recertification incident. You had never shaken in fear during any of those occurrences when your triggers made a surprise appearance.

But then, he put two and two together: him being taken away from you, you never being burned when he was there and then having burns when they rescued you, jumping when anyone turned on the stove, and now freaking out when he pulled out a lighter and lit a candle for you on your birthday, you not talking and promising to be quiet after he pulled out a lighter and moved the cupcake towards you. It all made sense now.

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" he told you, even though he knew you weren't able to hear him.

Jay made his way to his room and pulled out his gray weighted blanket. Then, he walked back into your room. You were only in your bra and underwear when you were with Keyes, so maybe having something else covering your body, despite the fact that you were currently fully clothed right now, would help.

Something soft and heavy landed on your legs. It didn't feel like Keyes was on top of you. It felt more comforting, calming, warm like you had more clothes on. Maybe Jay had somehow gotten his shirt back and had given it to you to keep you warm in this basement.

Wait, where did that lamp come from? There was only one lightbulb in here the last time you checked. And, why did it feel like you were sitting on something comfortable like a couch or a bed instead of on a cold, hard concrete floor?

Why was Jay standing up and not chained or tied to the wall? How did his face heal from the bruising so fast? Why was he wearing his pajamas?

Wait a minute, was that Jay's weighted blanket in your lap? And, was that your desk in the corner?

Jay noticed you looking around the room. "Do you know where you are now?" You nodded. "You know you're safe and in your room, right?" You nodded again, then took a deep breath and stretched out your legs, and moved forward, removing yourself from the corner and moving closer to Jay. "Do you still want your cupcake?"

You nodded and he handed it to you. "Are you okay going to see Dr. Charles today? I know you already had an appointment this week, but I think it might be good if you saw him again after what just happened." You nodded, agreeing with him. "You mind if Hailey comes over and stays with you? I gotta get ready and take care of something."

You gave him a thumbs up and he went to call Hailey while you sat in bed and tried to forget about the episode you just had by enjoying your cupcake.

***

"Halstead, what are you doing here?" Casey asked as Jay entered the firehouse after Hailey came over to stay with you.

"Oh thank God you guys are on shift. Severide here?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, in his office. Anything going on that I should know about?"

"Not really, I think I know why Y/N doesn't like fire though and I need the evidence pictures from the arson from when we were kidnapped to make sure I got it all straight."

Jay knocked on the door to Kelly's office and he looked up and waved him in.

"Jay, what are you doing here? Isn't it Y/N's birthday?" he asked, turning his chair around so he was now facing Jay instead of his desk.

"That's kinda why I'm here. She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake. I tried to light the candle and then she flipped out and yelled I'll be quiet, I promise."

"She's talking?"

"All she did was repeat that sentence. The minute she saw the lighter and when the flame got close to her face, she freaked. So, I know this going to sound crazy, but is there any chance you found a small handheld lighter when you investigated the arson?"

"Let me see..." Kelly unlocked his filing cabinet and flipped through it, looking for the evidence file Jay had requested. "Here it is."

He laid the folder on the desk and Jay leaned over. He clenched his teeth as Kelly opened the folder, seeing the basement he was held captive in once more, even if it was covered in ash.

"Wait a minute, it's barely in the frame, but there's the end of the lighter. Let me friend the file on my computer and I can zoom in on it," Kelly suggested.

The clacking of keys could be heard as Kelly found the file and opened it, quickly finding the correct picture and pressing a few keys to zoom in on it.

"Oh, God," Jay whispered.

"What? What is it?"

"That lighter, it's the same color as the one I used to light Y/N's candle this morning. No wonder she freaked out."

"But why would she keep saying she'd be quiet?"

Jay nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to him. His eyes widened. He hadn't seen you get burned when he was with you, but what if that's what happened to you when they did the drop?

"Any way you can print that zoomed-in image out for me? I gotta get to Med."

"I can do that."

Kelly printed the picture and handed it to Jay. "Thanks, man. I'll get you a round at Molly's." Then, he quickly left and sped off to med, putting the pieces together.

***

Will was just walking out a treatment room, rubbing hand sanitizer in his hands, when a very determined Jay walked through the ED doors. "April, you mind charting the next patient? Jay's here and with that look on his face, well he's not gonna leave until he gets what he wants."

"Yeah, no problem. Good luck."

"Thanks." Will rolled his eyes.

"Will! Will I need to ask you something and you can't blow me off about this or claim patient confidentiality or some other legal bullshit."

"Legal bullshit? You're the cop here buddy, I'd expect you to care about the law more."

"Whatever, just is there some place we can talk?"

"Jay, I'm working. Can't this--"

"It's about Y/N," Jay blurted, knowing that that would most definitely get his older brother's attention.

"Okay, c'mon."

Will led the way to his office and once inside closed the door. "What's going on? What's so important about Y/N that you came to talk to me during my shift, not about a case, and left Y/N home alone on her birthday?"

"One, she's not home alone. Hailey's with her. And two, it's because I think I know how she got those burns."

"Fire, Jay. She got those burns from fire."

"I know that, smart ass. I mean, I think I know exactly how she got the burns." He laid the photo down on the desk. "That, that's a lighter. Now, if I remember correctly, first-degree burns are the worst because the fire directly hit the skin. Could that lighter have been the cause of her burns?"

Will typed away on his computer, pulling up the pictures of your burns, and looked closely at them, switching his attention from the picture of your burns to the evidence picture with the lighter. "But that's impossible," Will muttered. If the fire started at the floor and went to the walls, you'd either have burns on your feet and legs and/or on the left side of your body. But, you had them on both arms, your stomach, and your collarbone. And, the fire hadn't gotten high enough to be able to burn your upper body. "Unless..."

"Unless what, Will?"

"It's impossible to get these burns just from a burning building from the trajectory of the fire and the location of the burns. But, judging by the location and the severity of her burns, these most likely were made by Keyes holding the lighter to her, for longer than a few seconds. He had to have the lighter to her collarbone and stomach the longest, just by how bad those two are."

"You're sure?"

"I'm pretty damn sure, Jay. But, the only person who can tell if us if we're actually right, is Y/N. And, I don't think she's gonna wanna talk about this."

"Can you make her an emergency appointment with Dr. Charles?" Jay asked. "And, can you make sure you're there during the appointment, too?"

"What, why?"

"She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake to wake up. I went to light the candle, she saw my lighter and the flame and flipped out. Then, she said that she promises to be quiet. You don't think- you don't think she burned her for talking do you?"

Will closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It all made sense: the not talking, the jumping when he turned on the stove, freaking out when Jay lit a candle.

"Based on what she's done, it makes sense. But, I'll consult with Dr. Charles before the appointment to tell him what's going on."

"Thanks, man. Bring those pictures to him, too."

Then, Jay left the office, thinking that between two of them and Kelly, that they had solved the mystery of why you hadn't talked in a month and a half.

***

You walked into Dr. Charles' office very confused to say the least. Hailey was waiting outside, but Jay and Will insisted on coming with you to this appointment; you just chalked it up to them being more worried about you than usual.

But, as you sat between your brothers on the long couch with Dr. Charles seated in the chair in front of you, you got a pit in your stomach. This felt more like an intervention.

"Y/N," Dr. Charles started, "Are you okay if your brothers sit in on this one? Or do you want them to leave?"

You pulled out your whiteboard. I'm just wondering why they're here with me in the first place. I know this morning was bad, but I didn't think it was that bad.

"You know, that's a very good question and I'm really glad you asked that. Jay, would you like to tell Y/N where you went earlier today?"

You turned to Jay expectantly. "I went to see Kelly and I asked him to show me the crime scene photos from Keyes' place."

At the mention of Keyes, you tensed up. Will squeezed your shoulder. "Y/N, remember those relaxation techniques I taught you?" Dr. Charles asked. You nodded. "How about you try one right now."

You closed your eyes and pictured a beach, the waves crashing against the shore, the feeling of sand between your toes. You walked closer to the water's edge and felt the coolness of the freshwater, whisking the sand from between your toes away. You felt the sun on your face and squinted your eyes against the brightness of the day.

"Better?" Dr. Charles asked as he noticed your breathing had become slower and most of the tension had left your body. You nodded. "Go to the beach again?" You nodded in confirmation again. "Good, I can tell it's a place that really relaxes you. Are you okay for Jay to continue?"

You turned to Jay, hoping that was answer enough. And it was because he continued explaining why he needed the crime scene photos. "I knew that there was a possibility that Keyes' could've been the one to burn you, but I didn't know. So, I went to Kelly to see if there was a lighter in any of the crime scene photos. There was, an orange one to be exact."

Keyes flicked the orange lighter open, playing with the flame and letting it move in between his fingers.

"Y/N, the beach, remember the beach," Dr. Charles prompted, bringing you back to the present moment after you took a few deep breaths while thinking of the fresh smell of the water and the sand.

Jay looked at you, silently asking if it was okay to continue. When you nodded, he started once more. "So, I saw that and I remembered that you'd promised to be quiet this morning. I came to Med to talk to Will, and between the two of us, well we figured out that he'd burned you, Y/N."

Your eyes filled with tears at the memories of how terrified you had been. You were so sure you were going to die that day.

"Did he play some sort of sick, twisted game with you, Y/N?" Will asked.

You looked down as your lip began to quiver. He had, you wanted to say, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. He told me that if I talked he'd hold the lighter there longer and that's why the ones on my stomach and my collarbone are the worst and the one on my thigh isn't as bad because he said I was learning the game. That was what you wanted to say at least, but you couldn't even part your lips.

Dr. Charles handed you a bottle of water and you took it from him, feeling the coolness in your hands, a reminder that fire was nowhere near you at the moment. "Y/N I think he burned you if you talked, is that it? Just nod your head yes or no, you don't have to talk or write if you don't want to. You are the one in control here. And, if you don't want to tell us if he burned you for talking or what the game was, that's fine, too."

You moved your head up and down once, confirming both of your brothers' worst fear: Keyes had burned you for talking.

Jay wanted to speed all the way to Stateville Prison and burn that son of a bitch Derek Keyes for what he did to you. But, somehow, he kept his cool and just looked at you with soft eyes and grabbed your hand.

"Y/N, I have something I want to try," Dr. Charles started, "I've already told Jay and Will about it just so that they won't freak out, but whether or not you actually want to try it, that's all up to you. We do whatever you want to do."

You looked up at Dr. Charles with glassy eyes.

"There's this therapy called in vivo exposure therapy, nicknamed flooding. What happens is, we take the patient's biggest fear, in your case that would be fire and talking, and we bring it out in the open, exposing you to your biggest fear in a safe and secure environment. The logic behind this is that the anxiety and adrenaline only last for a certain amount of time and once those drop, you realize that your fear of this was unwarranted."

What would it entail? you wrote.

"What would happen is that either Jay, Will, or I would hold an open lighter near you."

You frantically shook your head no and leaned more into Will.

"Okay, then we won't--"

"Listen, Y/N," Will started. "You are in a safe environment. We will not let anything happen to you. Ever. You gotta believe us on that. We just wanna hear you talk again. Let us help you. Let me help you. You will be safe the entire time and if you want me and Jay to sit on either side of you, like we're doing now, while Dr. Charles holds the lighter, we can do that. Isn't that right, Jay?"

"He's absolutely right, kid. We'll be right here the entire time."

You grabbed your whiteboard and took a deep breath. And you promise this will work? You promise there will be a drop in my anxiety at some point?

"I think that there's a very high chance that will work. And, I can promise you that there will be a drop in your anxiety during this because there always is a drop. If we got anxiety and then that fight or flight instinct didn't leave, well life would be scary all the time. And that's just not how life works," Dr. Charles answered.

Okay, you wrote. We can do it.

"Do you want me or one of them to hold it?"

You pointed to Dr. Charles.

What relaxation technique should I use to calm myself down?

"I'd recommend using the body scan because it takes the longest, but you can use whatever technique you want."

You nodded and closed your eyes.

"You ready?"

You nodded once again and Will wrapped his arm around your shoulder in the protective-oldest-brother-way he always had and Jay gave your hand a squeeze, silently reassuring you that everything would be okay.

"Start by relaxing your feet now, so that you're that you're in the right headspace."

You clenched and unclenched your toes, taking slow deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relaxing your toes one by one and focusing only on those sensations.

You heard the lighter flick open before you felt it. But when you felt it, it was near your face.

The smell of blood pierced your nostrils, whether it was yours or Jay's you had no idea. You were being held by one of Keyes' associates, his arm strongly wrapped around your shoulder. This time, you weren't hanging from the ceiling, but your arms were chained to the sides of you. Part of the chain laid in your right hand and it felt so heavy that you thought your hand was going to fall off.

He was saving the best for last, he was going to burn your face and let you burn from top-down. The fire would start at your cheek, move up to your nose, and then your eyes. You didn't want to even think about how much pain you'd feel when it hit your eyes. But, maybe you'll have passed out from shock, fear, or exhaustion by that point. You hoped you would.

Salty tears made your way down your face as you realized that this was it. You'd never see your brothers or your best friend again. You'd never graduate college. You'd never get to pick out the perfect wedding dress and walk down the aisle to marry the love of your life. Your last moments would be spent being burned alive in a basement, hoping against hope that someone would get here fast enough to rescue you. And, even though you knew Jay's unit was fast and wouldn't stop until you were safe, your hope was quickly fading.

"Any last words?"

"Please, please, no! I'll do anything! Anything!" you yelled, tugging on the chains.

But, he didn't burn your cheek for talking. Keyes broke the rules of his own game.

This was bad. It was just going to be worse for you. Your chest started moving up and down, trying to pass out from hyperventilation as fast as possible.

"Focus on your feet. Move the relaxation to your feet."

Who was that? It sounded like Dr. Charles.

"Relax, relax, relax."

Will was here, too?

But, whatever the reason, you focused on relaxing your feet. Maybe it would make dying easier.

The lighter hadn't moved closer to face as you made your way up your legs and relaxed your knees. Was Keyes going to burn you? Or, was he going to let you go?

"If you're gonna kill me, Keyes, then just do it!"

No answer.

You slowed your breath even more.

If Keyes didn't answer, that meant that he wasn't here. That meant, it was only fire. And, without Keyes to hold the fire. Fire couldn't hurt you. It couldn't hurt you.

"It can't hurt me. It can't hurt me," you whispered to yourself.

You dropped your head and shoulders and started to pant as the adrenaline wore off. Slowly you opened your eyes. "It can't hurt me," you said so that everyone in the room could hear.

Dr. Charles flicked the lighter closed.

You looked at each of your brothers. The person who you thought was Keyes' associate was just Will with his arm around you. And, what you had thought was part of the chain in your hand, was just Jay squeezing your hand.

"Thank you," you said to all three of them.

You turned to Will, to see him crying. "Why are you crying?" You turned and saw that Jay had tears in his eyes, too.

"I know the statistics of coming back from something like that, Y/N, of talking again. And I was scared- I was scared that you wouldn't come back from it."

"Hey, you're okay. We're okay," you repeated something that everyone has been telling you the past weeks.

You turned to Jay, knowing that this needed to be said. "And, Jay?" He looked you directly in the eyes. "I forgive you."

And that was all it took for a stray tear to roll down his cheek and for him to pull you into a hug. "I love you kid, you know that?"

"I love you, too. Both of you. Thanks for not giving up on me."

"Not a chance in hell," Will told you.

"Now, what do you say we go grab that mimosa?" Jay suggested.

"Yeah, let's do that."

The three of you said goodbye to Dr. Charles and left his office, meeting Hailey in the hallway. "I never got a chance to properly thank you for the book and coffee, Hailey, so thank you."

A smile grew on Hailey's face. "You're welcome." Then, she turned to Jay. "I told you she'd come around."

"You were right, babe...as always." Jay grabbed Hailey's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "Think you can get someone to cover your shift, Will? Come out with us for some good old-fashioned brunch and day-drinking?"

"I think I might be able to manage that. Text me the place and I'll meet you there."

He started to walk away, on a mission to get someone to cover for him, when you remembered something. "Will, you owe me fifty bucks!"

[elleonmybeloved]

Inspired by the beautiful art I saw recently of a kiss-dazed Diluc saying that he supposed you could continue, and from my own Diluc randomly coming home for absolute free on a random pull, I present you:

Kissing Booth!

Diluc x Female Adventurer Reader

Rated T: Lots of kissing in the dark with the big D himself.

~~~

With slow, drawn out movements, you did your best to set up the booth in the square. Around you, the other adventure teams set up normal ones, like cupcakes, charm bracelets, and assortments of artifacts. You cast a wistful gaze at them, wishing your group had also had some artifacts to sell.

In order to make the funding competition more fair and prevent repeats, each group had to draw a concept from a hat and make their booth sell that particular thing. Unfortunately, somebody had the great and hilarious idea to put some joke prompts in there, and your group had the great misfortune to pull the one and only paper marked “kissing booth” from it.

Admittedly, you had been kind of expecting Bennett’s group to draw that one, so the situation completely blindsided you. You weren’t the only girl on your adventure team, but Felicia had a boyfriend, so the burden was left to you.

“Hey, need a hand?” Jack, a fellow adventurer asks, having approached you with a friendly wave. “I noticed you don’t have your booth set up yet and Katheryn says we’re starting in five minutes.” 

“Thanks Jack, but I’m good.” You give him an awkward smile. “Other than the curtain, the box, these chairs…” You sigh. “Aaaand this lipstick, there isn’t really anything else to set up.”

“Oh, okay.” He deflates, probably thinking you are denying him because he doesn’t seem useful.

As much as you’d like to hide behind the thick red velvet of the curtain, your group needs funding, and you’re not about to be the reason nobody can get their blades and armor fixed up at the blacksmith for the next several months.

“I guess, if you don’t mind, you can help me put this on top.” You acquiesce, throwing him a bone. Holding up a sign that says “Kissing Booth: One kiss for 1,000 Mora”, you gesture at the top of the wooden booth, where there’s a couple nails hammered in to hang the sign on.

“Leave it to me!” He says, and takes the sign from your hands to place it, dreadfully, in plain sight, right where it’s supposed to be.

“Thanks.” You say, trying hard to sound genuine lest he misunderstand.

“No problem! See ya, and good luck fundraising!”

He’s off with a whistle, and you wonder if he even read the sign he just hung up for you. Oh well, whatever.

 A few minutes later, the chime of a handheld bell rings through the courtyard, and you hear Katheryn’s voice announcing, “Welcome to the Adventurer’s Guild’s Biannual Fundraising Fair.”

Resigned to your fate, you draw back the velvet curtain and sit in your chair, gripping the tube of red lipstick harder than you would the handle of your sword if you came across an entire nest of giant slimes.

People filter into the square, most making a beeline for the sweets, and several crowding around the artifact booths to get first pickings of the feathers, goblets, and timepieces alike. With no flashy goods at your table, it’s a while before anybody even notices you. When a few people, you are relieved to see them laugh, and say “Look, they made a joke booth this year too, haha!” You let out a nervous laugh and give them a good natured smile.

You notice immediately when your luck runs out, a gaggle of young men and women just out of the cupcake booth heading your way. The exaggerated “No way, seriously?” accompanied by obnoxious giggles from one of the girls lets you know that they aren’t paired off, and the “Well if it isn’t my lucky day” from a lanky guy with a fashionable undercut and a flashy ear piercing tolls the bell of your doom.

“Hi, welcome.” You manage to greet the group with a stiff smile. 

“You’re selling kisses?” One of the guys, a shorter one with black hair asks.

“... Yes.” You reply. “One thousand mora each.”

“Real kisses?” The flashy guy is the one to ask this time, leaning forward with a piercing look. “Like on the lips?”

“Or somewhere else on the face.” You suggest hopefully. “But yes.”

“Well then. Allow me to be your first customer. I’ll start off with three kisses, all on the lips. If you don’t mind.”

You do mind. But what can you do. At least he’s not ugly, but the amused stares of his group at your situation are humiliating, and your cheeks get hot with shame as you stare down at the table and he counts out three thousand mora, placing them on the table in front of you.

Applying a fresh coat of red lipstick buys you only a few seconds, and then he is leaning in expectantly. You close your eyes and resolve to make it as quick as possible.

“Stop!”

The voice is so sharp you startle in your chair as your eyes fly open. Crossing his arms and scowling, Diluc Ragnvindr stalks over and stands between you and flashy guy.

“Huh? Why? What’s the deal, man? I properly paid, count it if you don’t believe me?” Flashy Guy looks confused.

“That’s not the issue, just take your money and go.” Diluc swipes the coins off the counter and insistently presses the fist of them against flashy guy’s chest until the other man bewilderedly accepts it.

“Um, okay. I’m just gonna… go?” He and his group of friends leave, the girls already breaking into gossipy whispers before they’re even out of earshot.

“Uh, hi Diluc. Why’d you do that?”

Diluc turns to face you at your question, an annoyed expression on his face. “You’re really asking me why, Y/n? … Seriously, why would you even go through with such an idea in the first place?”

You frown at the implication in his tone. “I didn’t have a choice. And my group needs the money.”

“You should’ve made them give you a different booth concept.”

“I tried. Groups aren’t allowed to change concepts, since it would be unfair.” You explain with a sigh. As relieved as you are to have gotten out of kissing anyone so far, the weight of the empty mora box you are supposed to fill weighs heavily on the back of your mind. 

“... You just need to sell all your stock, right? How much were you going to sell?”

You look up, and take a moment to think about it. “I guess I was hoping to get away with just fifty. Fifty thousand mora could possibly last us a few months… if we’re lucky and nobody’s sword gets shattered to pieces from a superconduct reaction again.”

“Make it a hundred, and I’ll just pay for it.”

“Huh?” You blink. “Oh, wow, thank you! That’s very generous of you. I wonder how I will explain all this to anybody who asks though…” Unable to help a cringe at the thought of your friends and guild mates teasing you for being the kiss-whore of the town, Diluc takes in your troubled expression with a raised brow.

“That’s none of anyone’s business.”

“Yeah but… if someone does find out you uh, sponsored us a hundred thousand mora, and didn’t even receive anything in return…” You play nervously with your hands, already imagining the protests of unfairness. “...But I guess I’ll just deal with it since the only way I can see managing to avoid that is if I actually give you a hundred kisses, ahaha.”

“...”

Dammit, this is awkward, why did you have to joke like that? Diluc is looking at you with an intense unreadable expression. You can’t help but squirm.

“What?”

“That’s a good solution. Let’s do it.”

“Oh. Really?” You stammer, feeling heat rise to your face. You’ve had a crush on Diluc for the longest time, but never in your wildest dreams would you think he felt the same. “With me? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. But I would appreciate a little privacy. Move over.”

You’re still reeling as he makes his way around and comes in the booth, leaning back instinctively to get out of his way as he reaches over and unbinds the thick velvet curtain, leaving the two of you in the dim red light that barely filters through the fabric.

Diluc pulls the second chair up next to yours, and sits facing you. He takes a pouch out of his pocket and places it on the counter of the booth next to you with a faint clink. You don’t even have to count to know there’s a hundred thousand mora in there, it’s a fat enough pouch.

Taking a deep breath, you begin, uncapping the lipstick to apply a fresh coat.

“Is that part necessary?” Diluc asks.

You falter, lips already cherry red. You don’t know what to say. Does he think it looks bad on you? You can’t help flushing in shame. “Oh, sorry.”

“No- it’s ugh, it’s fine. Continue. Please.” Diluc backtracks, placatively patting the air with his hand.

A long moment of charged tension passes, as you try and fail to work up the nerve to close the distance. His lips look so soft and the way his jaw works as he swallows sends a thrill through you.

“......”

“......”

With a small noise of impatience, Diluc shifts in his seat— and then kisses you, pressing his lips firmly against your own until you relax and melt back into him. He begins to rub his lips back and forth against yours, and strokes the shell of your ear with a gloved hand. The sensation makes you shiver. His breath is loud in your ears.

Heat builds up within you, threatening to burst. Your brain struggles to comprehend- Diluc, whom you’ve loved for the longest time, is kissing you. 

Your breath catches in your throat at a particularly assertive press of his lips, and at the startled sound, Diluc breaks away.

“You okay? Still enjoying this, or…?” He asks, voice a rich murmur for your ears only.

“I’m fine, m-more than fine ahah,” You giggle breathlessly. “But I’m the one who’s supposed to be kissing you.”

“Hurry up then. You were taking too long.”

The implication of his feelings in the way he says it fills you with sudden confidence, and you smile and give him a look before leaning in and pressing a quick, sweet kiss to his lips. It leaves you exhilarated and buzzing, and a squeezing saccharine urge bubbles up within you. Resisting the sudden desire to clench your teeth, you swoop in and attack his face with kisses, pressing your lips into the smooth skin of his cheek several times before moving to the other one. Diluc gives a breathless laugh and you feel like your heart will just burst. The soft, tsck tsck tsck sound of repeated kisses fills your ears. 

After his cheeks have received enough attention, you move down to his jaw, the slight indication of ginger stubble prickling against your lips as you give it a few smooches in adoration before moving to the sensitive skin of his neck. It’s warm and so soft against your lips, you can’t resist going further than you should and opening your lips after kissing to suck on it. The surprised, needy sound Diluc makes sends a distinctive squeeze somewhere lower than your stomach full of butterflies. 

You hesitate, and then do it again. He gives a low grunt this time, and your head spins at how quickly the two of you are losing control. Somehow reminded of all the girls in Mondstadt who swoon over and try to woo Diluc, you place a restraining hand on his shoulder before diving in and sucking hard right below his jaw. 

“Hey-!” Diluc hisses and pushes you off. 

You startle out of your love-addled haze and are squeaking out the beginning of a frantic apology when Diluc roughly grasps both of your thighs and lifts you out of your chair and deposits you onto his lap. 

Thrown off balance, you scramble to steady yourself, squishing your body against his chest and gripping both his shoulders to right yourself. 

“What’s the big idea?” You ask, giving him a look as you recover your composure. “I almost fell!”

“I would’ve caught you. And if you want to kiss me like that, you’re gonna have to fully commit to it.” Diluc says, raising an eyebrow and giving you a cool glance right back. “I’m not going to get a hickey from someone sitting across from me in another chair like some nervous Church of Barbatos deacon in training.”

“Fine, fine, I get it.” You huff. He has a point. “You could be a bit less rough with me, though.”

Diluc blinks and averts his eyes for a moment. “... Right. Sorry, Y/n. Wasn’t intentional.”

“Yeah, I know.” You roll your eyes at him, thinking of how he throws his claymore around like a weightless treebranch.

Adjusting once more to get yourself comfortable atop his thighs, you apply another coat of lipstick. Leaning in, you're about to press another adoring kiss to his cheek when he turns his head, catching your lips instead. Your gasp of surprise melts into a whimper as he gets aggressive with it, pushing your mouths hard together with a gloved hand at the base of your head. You can’t escape his onslaught. Kiss after kiss, he doesn’t stop until you are gasping for air and then just dives right back in. Your mind goes blank of all thoughts, puddling into an empty haze.

When you come to your senses… a long time later, your lips are swollen, head dizzy from lack of oxygen, and … — Diluc’s gloves are on the floor, his face blissed out and slack, the sight sending a spear of heat straight through your stomach to your core. You swallow dry, clenching your thighs on either side of his and slide your hand down his stomach, and OHhhhgod abort, somebody is pushing the red curtain aside, flooding the small space with bright light.

“Oh, what the-! What in Barbatos’ name are you two doing in here?” Cyrus asks, rearing back with a shocked expression. “Archons, Y/n, I thought you’d left the booth behind.”

“Master Cyrus?!?” You’re just. Frozen stiff in Diluc’s lap, mortified. But instead of letting you scramble out of his lap, Diluc tightens his arms around you, trapping you in his embrace.

“Despite being given a ridiculous product, Y/n managed to sell all her stock to me. I hope there isn’t a problem with that.”

Cyrus stammers in the face of the thinly veiled accusation, monocle nearly slipping off his face. “Yes well. I’m not in charge of the prompts, miss Katheryn is… ahem, anyways, the fundraising event is over now. We’re taking down the booths and moving them to the Adventure Wagon.”

“Oh, okay.” You say, tucking your hair behind your ear, still flustered. “I’ll be right there.”

“You gonna need help taking the booth down and carrying it over, kid?” The blond older man asks, an unsure look on his face as he eyes your companion.

“I’ll take care of it.” Diluc says before you can answer, and you nod belatedly.

“Alright. See ya.”

When Cyrus is gone, the two of you are once again shrouded in red-tinted darkness, but the noisy sounds of people walking and loading things onto the wagon is unmistakable.

“...So, um… anyways…” You begin awkwardly.

“—That wasn’t a hundred.” Diluc cuts you off.

“...Huh?”

“That wasn’t a hundred. So you can deliver the rest of them later this evening. I’ll tell Adelinde to keep an ear out for you, so just knock if the Winery is closed by the time you arrive. I have some work to do with the guild but I should be done with all my most important business by five.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.” You smile shyly. “Far be it from me to not deliver in a timely manner.”

“That’s my girl.” He says with a wry smile. “Blessedly quick on the uptake.”

“We should take the booth up before Master Cyrus comes back.” You admit reluctantly, climbing off his lap as he releases his grip on you.

“Let me do the heavy lifting.” Diluc insists, and the two of you come out the back and get to work on taking it down.

You try to help carry one of the smaller supports over to the wagon, but Diluc just says “I’m the one with the gloves, so I’m the one handing the wood. You’ll get splinters.” and shoves the Kissing Booth sign into your hands instead.

Diluc is… covered in lipstick kissmarks, and though several of your guild mates see and remark on it, there isn’t a trace of the pink on Diluc’s cheeks that you had seen in the booth as he gives cool responses. Remembering the sight of him, flushed and dazed and panting, has you nearly dropping the stupid sign though, and you hastily distract yourself from the thoughts of his lips that had tasted faintly sweet like grape juice… with the fate of Bennett’s booth. 

You’re not sure what happened, but somehow it got burnt down to a crisp. Vaguely you recall he had drawn candles as a selling prompt. Ah. You can more or less guess what happened. Poor Benny. 

“See you tonight.” You give Diluc a little wave goodbye when you’re finished, and he’s about to leave.

Catching your hand, he gives you a kiss this time, getting the top of your hand smudged with the faint remnants of your lipstick. “Don’t keep me waiting too long. I’m a busy man.”

[darkimaginarydesires]

Obsession (Part II) ▪︎ Dark!James Potter x Reader

《 harry potter fandom • dark!james potter x reader • marauders era 》

☆ you are responsible for your media consumption. this content has extreme warnings / triggers. this content may make some people uncomfortable. please be safe and take warnings seriously. if you need help or need to talk to someone, i am available for anyone ☆

♡ warnings: noncon/dubcon, sexual obsession, delusional obsession, physical abuse, mentions of death, definitely 18+ ♡

《 summary: when the reader does not reciprocate love for James Potter, he snaps into a complete delusional obsession with her. 》

○ part one: ○

-

James had fallen asleep holding you. You don't know how you managed to get away from him without him waking up, but you did. You ran harder than you'd ever ran before. Partly from fear, but partly because it felt good to feel your heart pound against your chest. It reminded you that you were still alive. You were almost back into the castle when you collapsed onto the stone ground, unable to move your legs any further. Your whole body felt like jello, similarly to your mind, which was in some distant land refusing to return to accept the events that had occurred. You were sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. You were so far gone, you didn't even feel Severus' arms when they wrapped themselves around you and picked you up. You buried your face into his chest as he carried you to the hospital wing.

-

James awoke in a panic, feeling you not in his arms. He looked around, realizing you were long gone. He should have gone to look for you, but he couldn't help but stop to smile at the thought of you. He could still taste you on his tongue, smell your perfume on his clothes, feel the shape of your lips against his, hear your soft moans. He got hard just thinking about the expression you had when he made you come.

"She loves me," he reminded himself.

He stood up, grabbing your bookbag from under the tree before confidently strolling back down to the castle. He made his way to his dormitory, setting your bag down and sitting on his bed. His mind continued to be overwhelmed with the thought of you. He reached into your bookbag, curiosity overcoming him. He pulled out random study books, stopping when he reached the potions one. He flipped it open, a note falling out of the front page. He opened it, seeing it was a note from Snape.

"I know you are upset you got a bad mark on the last quiz. The professor only gave you a bad mark because you're better than them. Seriously, (y/n), you are amazing at potions making. One day, you'll be working as the Potions Master and I'll be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and we'll be able to give bad marks to all the kids we don't like. Keep your head up. - Severus"

James slammed the book shut and hastily put it back in your book bag. He was furious that someone would talk to his girl like this. He was furious that you would keep a note like this from someone like Snape. He crumpled the note, tossing it into your bag as Sirius, Remus, and Peter came running into the room.

"Where have you been?" Remus asked, clearly stressed.

"Where have you been?" James retorted, his anger from the note translating into his question.

"(Y/N) is in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey won't tell us anything. We've been trying to look for you!" Sirius said.

"Come on!" Remus called out, already making his way out of the room.

James quickly followed them, his mind racing with worry for his girl. What could have possibly happened since he saw her last? He thought to himself as they all quickly made their way to the hospital wing. When they arrived, James saw Snape sitting outside of the room. Anger immediately filled him. He knew he would have killed him if it was his fault (y/n) was hurt. He went to confront him, but Sirius grabbed his shoulders roughly.

"Come on."

They all walked into the room. James saw you curled up in the corner of the room and his heart broke for you. He wanted to wrap you up in his arms and never let go.

"(Y/N)? What happened?" Sirius asked.

"No visitors!" Dumbledore yelled.

James looked at you, waiting for you to look back at him, waiting for you to tell the headmaster you wanted him to stay, but you never did. They left the room, the door slamming shut behind them. James thought of you, how you had gone from happy in his arms to the broken girl in the hospital wing. He looked over at Severus, anger immediately engulfing him.

"Snivellus," he called out antagonistically.

He began making his way over to him, but Remus grabbed his arm and held him back.

"Not now, James. Severus is the one who brought her here. He helped her," Remus explained.

"What happened, Snape?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," Severus responded, his voice showing his irritation.

He clearly did not want to deal with the four idiots. He was more focused on his friend's safety.

"When I found her, she was..." he broke off, having a hard time thinking of the state he had seen his strong friend in. "Someone assaulted her."

James tried to push past his friends to get to Severus, but they held him back.

"Stop!" Sirius yelled. "This is not what she needs right now!"

James ran a hand through his hair, trying to control his anger. Dumbledore opened the door and looked between all of the boys.

"Mr. Snape, you are being requested."

It took everything for James to suppress his anger as Snape stood and entered the hospital wing. The door shut and James mind raced with ideas that only fueled his rage. He remembered how your body felt as you came, he remembered how it felt to slip his cock into you, and then he imagined Snape doing the same things to you. He imagined you moaning his name, kissing his lips. James imagined rushing through the doors and smashing his face then grabbing your face and kissing you. James walked up to the hospital wing door, trying to swing it open, but it wouldn't budge.

"Dumbledore put a charm on it, James. It won't open," Remus explained. "Come on. We'll come back tomorrow."

-

You laid curled up on the bed in the corner of the dark hospital wing, unable to sleep. Severus had left at curfew and you could feel the loneliness echoing off of the room, you wished he could have held you forever. At least in his arms, you felt safe, you felt like someone was looking out for you. You were lost in your thoughts, enslaved by the memories of the night.

The door to the hospital wing slowly creeped open, a sliver of light from the corridor shining through. Adrenaline poured into your system, intensifying every feeling in your body. You reminded yourself of the enchantment Dumbledore had placed over the room. You reminded yourself you were safe.

"Sev?" You called out. "Is that you?"

The door opening widened, but there was no one there. You sat up in the bed, looking intently at the door as if to see if it was truly open or if your mind was deceiving you. You went to stand to close it, but you were stopped in your tracks. You heard footsteps slowly making their way closer towards you. You pushed yourself back on the bed, your back firmly against the headboard. At the foot of your bed, the invisibility cloak slowly lifted, revealing James. You were locked in place, unable to move or scream even though you wanted to.

"Baby, what's wrong?" James asked, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

He moved to sit beside you on the bed. He wasn't touching you, but your skin crawled with the memory of his last touch.

"Get out," you said firmly, somehow finding the strength.

"Get out?" James laughed. "Come on, baby. You know you want me here. Otherwise, how would I have gotten in?"

You never knew confusion was such an intense emotion until that moment. You tried to deny it, but remembered the charm. Did you want him here? Did you want him? Your thoughts were broken by James' hand grabbing your thigh, his thumb gently caressing your skin. You reached for his hand to push it away, but he caught it, bringing it up to his lips. You pulled away aggressively, but James didn't seem to notice.

"Stop, James."

His eyes were focused on your lips as he moved closer to you. He grabbed your ankle, pulling you down onto the bed as he hovered over you. His hand went to your face, cupping it softly. You pushed against his chest, trying to push him off. You could feel his hard on pressing against your stomach.

"James, get off of me! Please, stop!" You screamed.

"Don't do that, baby," he soothed. "I love you. And you love me, you know that."

His hand moved down to your neck as he pressed his lips against yours.

You jolted up in a panic, looking around the empty room frantically. You were out of breath, your throat dry and sore. You pressed the palms of your hands against your forehead, imprudently trying to force the nefarious memories and thoughts from your mind. You spent the rest of the night with your eyes searching the dark, empty room for any sign of movement, paranoid your nightmare would become a reality and you would be forced to relive your worst experience all over again. Somehow, the castle now seemed to be home to many more ghosts.

-

You spent the next week in the hospital wing. Severus brought you all of the classwork you were missing so you were not falling behind. He spent as much time as he could with you, making you feel far less lonely. Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were incredibly patient and understanding of the incident. They came to check on you at least once a day and never pressured you to leave the hospital wing. You knew it was time to return to your usual daily routine, but the idea of being forced to interact with James felt like a nightmare. You laid on the hospital bed, your books and parchment sprawled out as you worked.

“What happened to you?” Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, breaking your concentration and causing you to look up from your papers.

Severus walked through the doors with a vibrantly purple and black eye. His hair fell over it, but it was impossible to hide.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “I’m just here to visit (Y/N).” 

Madam Pomfrey allowed him to walk past her, but continued to shake her head as she walked over to her healing potions on the side of the room, scanning through them for the appropriate one.

“What happened to you, Severus?” You asked, sitting up on the bed and immediately reaching your hand out to push his hair behind his ear. “That looks awful!”

“It’s nothing, (Y/N). Would you stop?”

He pushed your hand away as he sat on the bed next to you. 

“Was it them? Tell me, Severus.”

“Why don’t we just focus on you? You’re the one in the hospital wing after all.”

“So are you now, Mr. Snape,” Madam Pomfrey stated. “Sit still and look up.”

Madam Pomfrey applied a thick cream to Severus’ eye. The colors dissipated and the swelling went down until eventually the ailment almost completely disappeared. By the time Madam Pomfrey finished treating Severus, it was time for him to leave for his next class. He grabbed his books and began walking out of the hospital wing.

“Wait-” You called out, surprising even yourself. 

You collected you classwork before standing and making your way over to Severus.

“Are you leaving?” Madam Pomfrey asked, clearly contemplating whether to allow you to go.

“Yes, Madam. Thank you for everything,” You said before turning to a shocked Severus. “They know better than to mess with us when we’re together. Let’s go.”

[violet-knox]

The M Word

Year 7 - Chapter 67

Summary: After finally arriving at the Astronomy tower, Severus tries to mentally prepare himself for the argument he knew was coming.

Word count: 2603

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1 

~

Severus swallowed hard as you slammed the door shut, retrieving your wand and casting a few silencing charms, likely in preparation for what was about to be the worst day of his life. His hands shook, his eyes widening in fear and anguish. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, to defend himself in any way and plead with you, but he couldn’t find his voice, lost to the m-word he nearly let slip his tongue back at the library. The astronomy tower had been a place of such warmth, yet it seemed to bring him nothing but heartbreak. He thought when he’d first discovered it in his second year it would be a place of salvation for him, a place to get away, to find peace, but now, as he watched the love melt away from the one person he cared most about in this world, he thought perhaps the astronomy tower had lured him in all those years ago to feed on his misery. 

His posture stiffened and his muscles tensed as you turned around, your breathing even, your eyes calm and your lips stretched into a frown he hadn’t seen in a long time. You stood there, staring at him as if you were waiting for him to speak, to give you an explanation of what had just happened, but he had none to offer. He watched as you shrugged your bag off your shoulders and crossed your arms, your weight pushed to one side of your body as you stood your ground. Your emotions were quite clear to him; anger, resentment, disappointment, disgust. He dropped his glance from your eyes, unable to handle the harshness they held any longer and immediately he saw your feet moving towards him, stopping so close to him, he could feel the rage fuming from your body. 

“Severus.” You spoke in such a harsh tone, he could feel himself shrinking at the thought of what you would say next. He hated hearing his name spoken like that from your lips when he’d gotten used to hearing it spoken with love. He’d even stopped hating his name because of you, but now, in this moment, he was reminded why he could never stand to hear his name spoken by others. “What were you thinking?”

You were calm, at least, you tried to be. You knew shouting would do nothing but harm him, and the last thing you wanted was to start a fight. You needed him to talk to you, to figure out what was going on with him, why he seemed so insecure all of a sudden. Everything seemed fine over the summer. You’d never seen him so happy and he loved Hogwarts, always spoke of it like his true home. Had you been so caught up in your own life that you’d neglected to see him struggling since you came back to school?

“I-I’m sorry,” he managed to croak out. He felt weak, like he’d given you his entire life force, his energy nearly nonexistent. His mind spiraling in a panic, thoughts of what his life would be like if he lost you flooding his mind, memories of his love for you imploding with emotion. He couldn’t do it. Live in a world where you weren’t by his side, where he didn’t have your love to support him, lift him up when he felt down, your support and belief in him. He couldn’t do it.

“That’s not good enough Sev!” You took a step towards him and watched as he formed a frown of his own. He looked so sad and it broke your heart to see him like this. You had to push away the urge to hug him, hold him in your arms and tell him it would be alright. This was not the time for comfort, not when he’d nearly stepped over a line you were sure he would never come back from. “You need to tell me what happened in there? Why would you act like that? After everything we’ve been through, do you not trust me?”

You pleaded with him to open up, to tell you what it was that caused the scene in the library. You were angry with him for what he’d done, but more than anything, you were angry at yourself for not recognizing his struggles. You wanted to go back in time, to find the subtle moments you missed, the moments that made him feel abandoned and fix them, show him you were here for him, that he could trust you. 

“No! I-I do. Of course, I do. I’ve just-I’ve had a rough day and Connor was holding your hand and-”

“That’s not an excuse!” You stopped him as he tried to mumble on, hearing enough to confirm your previous suspicions. He was hurting, life expecting from him more than he could handle but you knew there was more to it, that he was only using what happened with Slughorn as an excuse for his explosive reaction. You pleaded with him to see reason, to understand the actions he’d taken were not the ones he should have sought out. “And as for Connor, I can handle him. I could have handled it.”

Your voice was so calm, never once raising it, your eyes softening like you’d forgotten what he’d done and for a brief moment he felt hopeful. The flames of your relationship you’d both spent a year working to build dwindled, but it was still light. You kept it lit with the look of compassion in your eyes, the look of wanting to comfort him and all he wanted to do was swim in that feeling and grab hold of it before that too was taken away from him. 

“I’m sorry,” Severus mumbled out the only words he could manage, hoping they were enough to help keep those flames alive, but as he looked into your eyes, your shoulders slumping as you went to cross your arms, all he could feel was the cold breeze he was left in as the fire reduced to sparks. His eyes watered, tears threatening to fall as he repeated in his mind how much he loved you, how he couldn’t lose you, how he was nothing without you. 

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” You nearly scolded Severus, your tone flat like you were speaking to a misbehaved child, and in a way, you supposed you were because only a child would act the way he had. Only a child would make excuses, apologize to the wrong person and tiptoe around his own emotions. You wanted him to take responsibility for what he’d done, and to learn from this situation never to suppress his issues. 

“But it’s you I care about,” he spoke softly, needing to fix things with you before he even considered Connor. He did feel guilty, and he knew he had to apologize to him, but he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t care about the Ravenclaw until he’d done everything he could to salvage your relationship, to know it would survive this. 

“And that makes it okay to brush Connor off? To treat him like you did?” You couldn’t believe the nerve of him, unable to imagine why he thought it was more important to apologize to you when it was Connor that he’d hurt.

“No! I-”

“Severus, what you almost called him, that is not something you can sweep under the rug.” A fire was reignited as the old one died, those one much more fuming, ready to swallow Severus up if he dare get too close. He could feel the heat of the flames as they radiated off of you, your anger towards him fuel to the fire you’d lit. 

“So, does this mean we’re over then?” The words hurt as they travelled through his throat, his ears burning from the truth of his question. He could see it, the same anger that had pushed Lily away is what you held in your own chest now. Lily had known him much longer than you had, yet she happily walked away from him and he’d hurt you so often, he saw no reason for you to stay. 

“What?” You stared at him in confusion, astonished he’d ask such a thing after an argument you hadn’t even finished yet. Did he truly think of your relationship as something so fragile it would break when things got tough? Was this why he’d held back his struggles from you all these months? You were naive to assume your summer together had made you inseparable, that you’d finally broken through that unbreakable wall of his and mended his heart with yours.

“I-I messed up, I know that. You’re mad and you should be-”

“That doesn’t mean we’re over!” You couldn’t hear anymore, you couldn’t bare it, the thought of you breaking up simply because you were upset with him tore you in half. You took a step forward and reached for his hands, holding them as you saw streaks of tears fall over his cheeks. You could see the seriousness in his words, that he truly believed half of an argument and the mistreatment of your friend would push you away, that you’d given up on him so easily. 

Cupping his cheeks, you swept away his tears only to find them replaced with fresh ones as he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. He sobbed as you held him, his hands pressing against yours as he tried to keep himself together. You were too kind to him, he didn’t deserve the empathy you gave him now nor did he deserve your comfort or assurance his assumptions were nothing more than horrible nightmares but he accepted it anyways. He held onto you as long as he could, feeling your warmth against his skin, the burning flame of your relationship glowing bright once more. As much as he tried, he couldn’t stop his eyes from leaking, tears dripping down his face, seeping into your sleeves, tainting the moment, but they were the most real thing he’d displayed in front of you in months. 

For so long he’d been holding back, needing to keep your image of him as pure as could be, knowing burdening you with his issues would cause nothing but torment for you. This year had already put so much pressure on you with Quidditch and your struggles with what you were to do after graduation. You couldn’t stay at the orphanage anymore and had nowhere to go. And sure, Spinner’s End wasn’t exactly a paradise, but it was a roof over his head which was one more thing you didn’t have. He’d buried it all down, suffocated his own struggles, but it was clear as you held him now, that look you gave him, told him he’d made the wrong decision. 

“Severus, I love you, that will never change. And sometimes we will fight, sometimes we will argue or disagree, but never would I let it come between us.” You wiped away the last of his tears as your words seemed to relax him a bit, your hands dropping to his shoulders and down his arms. You took his hands and led him to sit against the wall. This was far from over, but at least you’d managed to get something out of him, an insecurity you couldn’t believe he still held after all this time together. “Sev, you need to start talking to me. What happened today cannot happen again.”

“I know,” he whispered, sniffing as he brought his knees up to his chest. You slowly ran your hands over his arm, your grip tight like you worried if you let go, he’d break into a million pieces and he was sure if you weren’t here, he would already be shattered and broken in more ways than one. “I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t want to worry you with my issues, and I suppose I took out my rage on Connor instead. I shouldn’t have done what I did, said what I said.”

“Then let’s fix it,” you said softly, a hand gently running across his jaw to bring his attention back to you. His expression softened, hope returning to his eyes as you offered him a chance at redemption.

“Really?” he whispered in desperation for assurance, for the chance no one had ever given him before. He looked at you with such hopeful eyes, it almost broke your heart to know no one had given him the opportunity to grow until now. 

“Nothing’s been done that can’t be reversed, so let’s start now,” you told him, smiling as you felt his muscles relax, his legs slowly falling to lay flat against the floor as he opened his heart up to you once more. “Tell me what’s been troubling you.”

“I-I worry I won’t make something of myself. That I’ll be stuck as the poor half-blood living as a Muggle forever. That I’ll never be worthy of you.” Severus opened up to you, his nerves growing the more he spoke. But at least he knew, at least he was assured he wouldn’t weigh you down with his words, that he had nothing to fear. 

“Sev, you’re a brilliant Wizard, you’ll do an amazing job at whatever you end up doing after Graduation.” You tried to assure him, but you knew your words would mean nothing to him. No matter what you said, you couldn’t convince him otherwise, so you took a vow instead, to always support him, always congratulate and praise him in any of his future accomplishments no matter how small. 

“You don’t know that!” Severus protested lightly, knowing full well you only said those things because you loved him. 

“No, but I do know I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I know that you will always be worthy of me, that we will support each other, build a life together because I love you Severus Snape. Forever and always.”

Severus smiled, his cheeks sprayed with a light pink blush as he took in your words, hearing the truth behind each one, the emotion that carried through as you promised to love him for the rest of your life. He couldn’t believe his luck, how amazing you were, how patient and forgiving you were with him. 

“Forever and always? Do you mean that?” he whispered, wanting to hear you say it one more time.

“With all my heart,” you replied, wrapping your arm loosely around his waist and hugging him. You felt his arms around you as he pressed himself to you as much as your positions would allow. You sat there awhile, for as long as he needed until you finally parted from one another. “Now, about Connor-”

Severus’ smile faded as he gave out a rather reluctant sigh. You smiled intern, glad he at least seemed to be aware of his mistakes and what was to come next. “I have to apologize.”

“Yes, but why don’t we plan what you’ll say to avoid any more unwanted hurt,” you smiled at him as he nodded. You couldn’t have been prouder of Severus as he went on to suggest the right words, knowing he’d learned from his past mistakes to rectify any new ones. He’d come so far and of course, he still had a long way to go, as did you, but it was a journey you were both happy to take together. A journey you knew would be full of support, and so long as you had that, there was nothing you couldn’t face together. 

~

Next Chapter

~

[clonewarslover55]

Fixer’s first time being peggged //NSFW//

Fixer X Fem!Reader

Notes: I did this for Sev here!! I’m going to write one of these for each of the Delta’s to go along with the artwork done by @kyzyner

Written based off of this wonderful art!! 

Warnings: Anal fingering, face down ass up, pegging, Sub!Fixer, Dom!reader  

You and Fixer had a conversation the other day, that ended with a fun little shopping trip at the sex toy store. You got a strap on that matched Fixer’s colors and a pair of booty shorts as a joke for him. They said, “Face down, ass up.” In big white letters on the black shorts. 

Well it was supposed to be a joke anyways. 

Tonight you had somehow talked Fixer into letting you give him a massage. He was stripped from everything but those shorts. He enjoyed the soft shorts, so he often relaxed in them. You liked them too, for multiple reasons. 

He was spread out before you, his head resting on his crossed arms. You slowly rubbed the warm lotion into his tight back muscles, Fixer groaning with each rub. You had a plan in mind. 

A very delicious plan. Your panties got a little damp at the thought. Your hands moved to his lower back, rubbing the warming lotion firmly into his skin. You bit your lip, pulling the shorts down to his thighs, his perfect ass making you even wetter. 

He opened his eyes, looking at you with a questioning gaze. “Just relax,” you purred out. Fixer nodded, his dark eyes looking at you as you began to rub his muscular ass. You worked his muscles firmly, squeezing and gripping his ass. 

Fixer clearly loved it, pleased moans leaving his lips. Fuck he was perfect, his musuclar body twitching a little with some of your movements. You smirked to yourself at the moan he let out when you spread his cheeks, watching his hole flutter. 

You kept acting like it was an innocent massage, until your hand moved a little lower. Fixer jerked a little when you gently squeezed his balls through the shorts, rubbing them gently. He tried to roll over but you put a hand on his back to stop him. 

“No stay like that baby. I have an idea.” Fixer raised an eyebrow, curious. He had been turned on since you started squeezing his ass, so he was already pretty excited. You wiped your hands on a nearby towel. 

“So we talked about anal…..” Fixer’s ass clenched a little at the word, making you grin. “You want to try pegging tonight for the first time? Since you’re nice and relaxed?” You straddled his muscular thighs, pulling the shorts back up. 

Fixer smirked, “You planned this all out didn’t you.” You couldn’t help but wink. “Let’s try it.” You grin, giving his balls another playful squeeze. You grab the bottle of lube that you had beside the lotion, rubbing some on your hand. 

Fixer was looking back at you now, lust in his eyes. You pulled his shorts to the side a bit, so you could push a finger inside of him. Fixer squeezed his eyes shut, tensing out of habit. “Relax Fixer.” You whispered, slowly stretching him with your finger. 

He finally relaxed a little bit later, soft moans escaping his mouth with each movement of your finger. You added another, Fixer moaning louder. He usually wasn’t the most vocal man, always making sure you kept quiet. Apparently when it came to anal even his insane self control was nonexistant. 

You smirk to yourself, continuing to stretch him slowly. Fixer was very sensitive as well, moaning and whimpering with each thrust of your fingers, a gasp pulling from his throat with each scissoring movement. 

You got off of his thighs, spreading his legs wider. “Get on your knees Fixer.” It was an order he was happy to follow, keeping his head down on the soft pillows. You held back laughing at his shorts, your fingers still stretching out his hole. He was more than relaxed now, but you felt like overstimulating him a bit tonight.  

You find that special spot deep inside of him pretty easily, rubbing your finger tips against it in slow circles. Fixer cussed in Mando’a, his fists gripping the sheets below him. He looked back at you, nearly cumming at the sight of you behind him like that. 

You put a bit more pressure behind your fingertips, Fixer crying out like a bitch in heat. It didn’t take long for him to cum afterwards, ruining the shorts. You pressed a soft kiss to his lower back, Fixer whimpering and panting. 

Fixer whined when you removed your fingers, cleaning them off on the towel you had sitting nearby. While he recovered from his orgasm you got out the strap, putting it on and lubing it up properly. Fixer watched you with a lazy post orgasmic gaze, his head resting on his arms. 

“Are you ready baby?” You questioned, rubbing the head of the toy against his still fluttering hole. Fixer moaned softly, arching his back a little. “Yes.” You ran your hands down his muscular back, Fixer looking back at you with lust filled eyes. 

He cried out when you shoved the head of the toy in, his hands gripping the sheets even tighter. He moaned and panted louder than you have ever heard him as you slowly worked the toy inside of him. 

Fixer pushed back against you once it was fully inside of him to the hilt. He was moaning louder than you have ever heard him before, and it was doing some things to you. You gripped his hips, beginning at a slow and deep pace. 

Fixer was still extremely sensitive from his previous orgasm, so it wouldn’t take much for him to cum again. You picked up the pace as he got louder, thankfully you two were at your place and not the barracks. If his brothers had heard him like this, Fixer would never live it down. 

He was never loud unless he was subbing, which was rare. He never liked it when you were loud, his hand over your mouth. 

He watched you as you fucked him, his mouth open as he breathed heavily. “I Had no idea you could be so loud.” You purred out the words, gently cupping his balls.

“Sorry.” He gasped out the word, his voice strained. You angle your hips just right, rubbing that special spot deep inside of him. Fixer screams, his arms nearly giving out. 

“Don’t apologize. I like it.” 

Fixer’s arms shook, whimpers leaving his mouth. He was getting close to another orgasm. You began to thrust faster into him, your pelvis against his ass. The shorts were blocking your view, so you yanked them down and out of the way so you could get the best view of his perfect ass. 

You squeezed his cheeks teasingly, the bed rocking as you fucked him. Fixer moved with you now, his head bowed and his muscles straining. He cried out your name, his voice now hoarse. “What baby?” You whisper, snapping your hips to punctuate your words. 

“I-I’m C-close.” He gasped, looking back at you. You smirked, picking up the pace even more. Fixer nearly collapsed when he came, screaming louder than a bitch in heat. You fucked him through his orgasm, helping him ride it out while he ruined your new sheets. 

He collapsed when you pulled out, whimpering at the loss. You pressed a kiss to his sweaty back, rubbing your hands down his sides. “I’ll be right back.” You kissed him again, getting off the bed to go clean the toy and put it away. 

You walked out, “Fixer do you want to take a hot bath-” The voice of Scorch interrupted you, “40 you left your comms on!” Your stomach dropped, “How the kriff am I supposed to eat when you’re moaning like a whore? I mean seriously I don’t want to vomit-” You scream and cut off the comms in his helmet. 

“YOUR BROTHERS HEARD EVERYTHING!!!!!” Fixer cursed loudly and buried his face in the pillow. “Why did they just say something now??” Fixer rolled on his back, still in a daze, “To fuck with me clealry. I bet they ignored it till we finished just to freak us out.” 

“Your brothers are the worst.” You grumble, sitting beside him. Fixer nodded, sitting up a little. “So you mentioned a hot bath?” You smile and help him up, “Come on.” He was wobbly, but allowed you to help him to the bathroom. 

He could kill his brothers once he could walk normally again. 

Tags: @leias-left-hair-bun @iamassbuttkingofhell @colorfulloverbatturkey @ahsokatano-thetogruta @jedi-mando @peacefulwizardfox @julyzaa @feathersforclones @chr0nicbackpain @jedi-nila-rhyn @strangebroadwaykinks @fyrepen33 @mistflyer1102 @kamino-mermaid @cherry-cokes-world @darmanfi @silverinkandstardust @chewychewyque @majorshiraharu @ravenpuff01 @commanderrivercc-3628 @ct7567329 @just-some-girl-92 @girlvader @ollovae @thealluringsink