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harrypotter-imaginess · 4 years ago

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Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here!

A/N: maybe two more parts after this

Commission info for a Love Letter from your favorite HP character here - close 3/10/21!

You sigh as you lean your head back on the arm rest of Draco’s couch

You can see him extending a glass of wine towards you, and you take it gingerly into your hand

“I think I want to quit my job”

He doesn’t say anything, just raises an eyebrow and takes a seat in the arm chair next to the sofa you’re sprawled over like you’re at the therapists office

“Planning to coast along on your good looks?” He finally says, trying to keep his face as stern as possible.

Despite himself a smile arch’s onto the corner of his mouth

“I’m being serious!” You say, sitting up.

Draco openly laughs now, and he doesn’t stop until you throw a pillow at him.

“Well what do you expect when you say somethin’ like that out of nowhere.” He manages to say between bursts of laughter

You both have been dating for a while now, almost a year- you even brought him to a company holiday party

Life has been good

Having to hide his wizardry from you isn’t all that hard, he just had to completely reprogram the way he operates as a human being and now he’s fine

...

It’s been a little challenging

You sigh, a hand threading through your hair, eyebrows threaded together

Well now he’s a little worried, he figured you were just joking around but-

“Did something happen at work?”

Did someone say something to you- or maybe someone did something to you

Draco’s already running a list of curses in his mind by the time you sigh and shake your head

“Nothing that hasn’t been happening- not really.”

The cruciatus curse seems a little to far, maybe boils? No that’s too obvious

“It’s a nice place to work, I have it really good, it’s just-“ your eyes flicker from your glass of wine to Draco

“I always figured once I had a steady income life would be exciting yknow? And I would travel and be making memories but-“

You should be grateful, you have a good life. A comfortable job, a cozy house and-

Your eyes flicker to him, taking his impeccably handsome face, that ash blonde hair, and vibrant grey eyes

And you’ve got Draco

But even though you have all these things, you can’t help but feel like life is just passing you by, and before you know it you’ll be 80 on your death bed having done nothing at all

Draco’s quiet for a moment, picking up on the unspoken sentiment

Maybe you shouldn’t have unpacked on him like that- he’s got his own problems too after all

“Let’s go on Holiday”

Huh?

Draco picks up on your confusion and elaborates on his reasoning

“You’re just a little burned out, you need a break.”

It happened to his Dad all the time when he was a kid, he’d get caught up in all of his dark magic council meetings and his board positions and wonder if this is just life was- an endless power struggle

And that’s when his Mum would swoop in with an elegant family trip to some exotic location, and they would all come back like new people.

Right now you need someone to show you the joy in life. That it’s not just going to work for fifty years and dying

There’s a long stretch of silence between the two of you

And Draco starts to wonder if maybe his Mum had it all wrong

Maybe he should have just offered to make you his spouse, he makes enough money for the both of you- you don’t have to work if you don’t want to when you’re his

He’s internally rehearsing his proposal speech, picking out which moments he should highlight

Which is pretty hard because every moment with you feels like a highlight

“Where would we go?”

Your voice is soft, almost hesitant, but Draco doesn’t overlook the twinkle in your eye

He grins

“Anywhere you want”

You find out pretty fast that Draco is a meticulous planner- everything is carefully decided

“Alright we’ll get off the flight, and we’ll get one of those mu- I mean we’ll get a car from there so we don’t have to worry about transportation-“

Literally everything is reserved, the hotel you’re staying in the city at for the first few nights, the car you’ll be using while you’re in France, the bed and breakfast Draco found out about in a small village in the French country side, even all the restaurants you’ll be eating at

Which is totally fine, some structure isn’t a bad thing

It’s just Draco’s never struck you as someone who plans everything out

“Is everything alright darling? Is this a personality trait of yours I’m just going to have to grow to love?”

You wrap your arms around his torso from the back, your chin resting on his shoulder to glance at the travel documents he’s reviewing

“Oh I never do this when I’m traveling alone- I don’t even take a travel bag most of the time, I can just buy whatever I need when I land- one time I didn’t even take my wallet because your phone is a wallet these days.”

You raise an eyebrow, what a little rich boy

You can’t think of all the times your family packed everything they could possibly need when going on vacation so they wouldn’t have to pay for anything when they got there

“So what’s the difference this time?” You ask, has hitting the quarter of life struck him with a lightening bolt that’s transformed him into a dad now?

“Because I’m going with you”

So everything has to be perfect. You’re taking a whole two weeks off of work, he’s got to make sure you don’t regret it, and give you the best time possible

“Don’t tell me you’re planning on proposing”

You’re only joking, but the disgusted look that crosses Draco’s features makes you flinch

You know it’s probably a little early to mention marriage, it’s only been a year after all, but you would be lying if you said that didn’t hurt

“I would never propose in France (Y/N), I have taste”

That whole country is just overhyped, and Paris is way too dirty - like most cities.

But it’s where you want to go- you like art museums and fresh baked bread so here he is

Going to god damn France

But he’ll be hexed before he proposes to you in that god forsaken country

“Oh so there’s going to be a proposal?”

“Of course there is” he says off handedly, verifying that both of your passports are up to date

And then he realizes what he just admitted and feels a ruby red blush creep onto his face from his neck

“W-wait-“

He turns around to face you, face bright red, only to see you smiling like you’ve just won the lottery

And he should be hopelessly embarrassed,

he’s been trying to play it cool for the last year, to play at your pace in terms of relationship development

Only to let it slip through his fingers in a single moment

But you look so happy to know he see’s a future with you

“Alright, sounds good. Just give me a heads up a few weeks before so I can get a spa appointment to look pretty for all our pictures”

You’re joking.... kind of

You don’t put it past Draco to have a photographer follow you both around and take pictures of the whole engagement thing

Draco’s actually taking your joke quite seriously though, a dopey grin on his mouth

“I’ll give you a hint the weekend before”

That should be enough time to get all your affairs in order

It’ll also give him enough time on how to break to you that he’s a wizard and well- his parents probably hate you

You’re smiling, an embarrassed expression crossing your features as you change the topic to which places you’ll be visiting

But there’s a shadow on Draco’s face

He sighs when you leave, saying you have to go back to your house to pack-

It’s always so lonely when you’re gone

He collapses on his arm chair, twirling his wand so that there’s a glass of fire whisky in his hand

He’s going to have to tell you soon- not just about his wizardry, but also about his family

His Mum’s already got half a guess there’s something going on here - but he bets the worst she believes is that he’s dating someone beneath him, maybe a muggle born at worst

Certainly not an actual muggle

His father’s clueless as always - too busy with his council positions and appearances

His mother will be fine , she would be upset of course, but she would come around eventually

His Father would disown him

He’s fairly confident about that

The second he says he’s in love with a muggle- it’s over for him

His dad might actually curse him when he finds out he’s marrying a muggle- bringing dirty blood into their bloodline

And Draco might curse him back

Because they can say whatever they want about him, but not about you-

Nothing about you is dirty

You’re the purest, kindest, loveliest person he’s ever seen

And he still can’t believe you’re his

You shouldn’t be surprised when you find out Draco booked you both first class seats

Or when you get to the airport and see a Mercedes convertible waiting for you

Or even when you get to the hotel - which turns out to be The Ritz

The tipping point is when you find out the “room” Draco booked is actually the penthouse

“Well that was exhausting, should we take a nap before going to the Louvre?”

You’re sitting on the sofa in the living area, your head in your hands

Draco doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too busy pouring Perrier into two crystal glasses.

“Draco, love, do you remember before we went on this trip, that I insisted paying my portion- even though you said there was no need?”

Draco looks up from the Perrier. But you’re still staring at the ground

“And then when I asked why my portion was so low- you said you got a really great economy deal from a travel package.”

That was the excuse he used wasn’t it

“Well there was a discount travel package, I just didn’t book it.”

Honestly he’s not sure what his end game was here- honestly he was just hoping you would believe this was all included in the package

Your palms are pressed together, your head resting against them

Draco extends a glass of Perrier towards you

You look at it for several long seconds,

he probably got it out of the mini fridge that charges 10x mark up

“I’m paying for our next trip” you say, accepting the glass with a sigh

Draco only grins

“So there’s going to be a next trip?”

You almost snort laughing

“Are you seriously asking me that after you basically proposed to me last week?”

Ah, you’ve got him there

You smile as you tug his towards you, pressing a kiss to his mouth

“Of course there will be you dork”

He smiles as he holds you close, kissing you again

Being in Paris is really cool

You go on a tour of the catacombs

“Watch your step” Draco says, offering his arm for support

“Thanks” you hold his hand as you make your way through the dark space

And the Louvre

“Am I supposed to be feeling something right now?” He asks

You’re both looking at the Mona Lisa, and you’ve got tears in your eyes, feeling very small

You’re almost humbled being in her presence, the painting that has withstood centuries

“Yes” you sniffle, taking the handkerchief Draco’s extended towards you

“You’re a rich kid, aren’t you supposed to be super invested in art and stuff?”

He gives you a mischievous grin

“I look at you everyday don’t I”

You manage a laugh, lightly smacking him in the arm

Things are going really well, you’re both having a really good time, and then something happens-

It’s your last day in the city before you head out to the french countryside,

you and Draco decided you would spend the morning souvenir shopping before heading there in the afternoon

You’ve put in an order for some macrons for your friends and the people at work

“Do you think they’ll still be good by the time we get back home?”

It will be at least a week until you head back, and longer until you see any of your friends

“I think as long as we freeze them” Draco assures

He’ll put a charm on them for good measure

“Malfoy?”

The second Draco hears that voice he goes rigid

You see, being with you for a year has been utter bliss.

Draco’s had a good year, the best year of his entire life-

The thing is though, he got so caught up in who he was becoming-

that he completely forgot who he used to be-

Until this moment

“Weasley. Granger”

Weasley looks the same as ever, flaming red hair and a splatter of freckles across his nose and spilling onto his face

Still that tall, lean, but muscular build he had when he last saw him.

Granger looks great though, she’s got her curls framing her face, smooth dark skin glistening against a clean cut pant suit

“Lovely to see you both”

Draco seems composed

But on the inside he’s on the verge of having a panic attack

Maybe they’ll just give a wave and be on their way

Yes that’s entirely pos-

Nope. They’re walking over to you two

F*ck

“Are you going to introduce us?” You ask with a teasing smile

Oh crap, he forgot the social protocols a situation like this calls for in his panic

“R-right, (Y/N) this is Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger-“

“Actually we’re both Weasley now” Ron says with a proud grin

“- well she was Granger now she’s Weasley too, we um-“

Were sworn rivals. Mortal enemies. Fought on opposite sides of a great and tragic war.

“Went to school together”

He can honestly say that isn’t a lie.

They all did go to school together

A magic school in the mountains of Scotland, where they rode brooms and befriended magical creatures

Somehow he gets the feeling that’s not the type of experience you’re picturing though

To his surprise things are going pretty well, the conversation is mostly revolving around Paris, you and Granger seem to share a similar love for Mona Lisa

“And when you stand in front of her-“ Granger starts

“It’s like she’s judging you!” You finish

The two of you are only a moment away from embracing

Weasley looks like he couldn’t care less about Mona Lisa

And for once Draco thinks they’re in agreement

Maybe it’s because they’re from pureblood families

Because something surviving 500 years isn’t all that big of a deal to wizards

Not when the average wizard can live a few hundred years, his great grandfather even lived until the ripe old age of 652

“So are you two on Holiday?” You ask and Granger shakes her head

“No, we’re actually here for work on behalf of the Au-“

“On behalf of their museum I’m sure” Draco cuts in quickly

He was so comfortable in the fantasy where his previously sworn enemies might become causal aquantinces that he completely forgot there were three wizards and one muggle in this conversation

“”They um-“ Draco clears his throat giving a meaningful look to Granger and Weasley before lowering his voice “they actually work for a rival museum. Managed to get an exhibit from right under me”

The lies just seem to stack on one another.

Draco’s not sure what’s worse- that he’s getting better with coming up with these lies-

“Is that why they aren’t invited to your hangouts with Blaise, Theo and Pansy”

Or that you trust him so much you wholeheartedly believe each and every lie

“That is exactly why they’re not invited”

Some force in the universe must like him, because luckily enough that’s when your order number is called.

“Oh looks like it’s ready, I’ll see you in a bit darling” you press a kiss to his cheek before making your way towards the counter

And Draco’s so caught up in the subtle affection you’ve just shown him he’s completely forgotten all about the situation at hand until Granger clears her throat.

Ah yes, the mountain of lies he’s haphazardly built.

How could he forget

Granger looks like she’s got the gist of the situation,

Weasley on the other hand looks just as dumb as Draco remembers from school

His mouth agape

“Are they a muggle??”

Draco flinches at how loud Weasley says the word Muggle

“Yes, they are could you please keep your voice down”

He looks in your direction

Oh good it looks like you didn’t hear

He turns back to his old enemies

They both look like their mind is broken

“But your family they hate-“

“That’s my parents, that’s not me” Draco snaps quickly

But it was him, wasn’t it

All those times he tormented muggle borns at school, the dark magic artifacts he toyed with-

He looks at Granger

All the times he called her mud blood

He’s not as bad as his parents

-but he’s still not good

“Since I was there I got yours too-“

The second you’re back you can tell something is off

The tension hangs in the air like fog

Draco looks like he’s just seen a ghost, face pale and thin pink lips trembling

“What’s wrong?” You ask

Draco was a monster, that’s what’s wrong

“Nothing,” he puts on his most believable smile “we should get going or it will get dark before we get to the manse”

You nod, taking his hand in yours

It’s trembling

“It was lovely meeting you, maybe we’ll see each other again soon”

Granger who’s been awfully quiet for this whole ordeal smiles

“Yes, I hope we do”

The look Granger gives you is genuine and warm

- like she already considers you a friend

and it makes Draco feel twice as bad

It’s not like anything has really changed as you two drive through the countryside

You’re still joking like you always do,

Draco’s driving and he stops in several places on the way there so you can take polaroids in the French country scenery

But something feels...off

Like he’s just pretending to be happy

You really shouldn’t be surprised when you roll up to a large iron gate,

Draco types in the code into a keypad and they creak as they open revealing a rather impressive winding drive

At the end of which is an absolute unit of a mansion

“This isn’t a bed and breakfast is it?”

For one there’s not even a parking lot, Draco gives you a fleeting look before taking your bags out of the car.

“This is my family’s manse, we would come up here during the summer for vacation”

He was on the fence about bringing you here, but his Mum always had a rule that all dark magic artifacts would be kept away from their vacation home

His father could have free reign over the manse near London, but not here when they were on vacation

“You grew up here?” You say, taking in the fountain, the thirty windows you see in the front face alone, and the massive rose garden to the side

“Not really, we would just come here to vacation, it was really for my parents. I spent most of my time climbing up trees-“

And playing with the house elves, which his mother would later reprimand him for

It was always worse for them though

At least Father pays them a wage now, however meager it may be

“There’s no servants right now though, so it will be just us”

He says it as he leads you through the manse, passing the drawing room, a rather impressive parlor, up a long pair of winding steps into the east wing into a rather lavish room

“I hope you don’t mind staying in my old room, my parents used to use the master and that just seems... icky”

you laugh And he gives you another smile, and this time you know somethings wrong.

“We can go to the village nearby and grab dinner, or we can stay here but I doubt the pantry has-“

“Draco,” you stop him mid speech about getting dinner “What’s wrong?”

Draco does his best to smile for you

“Nothings wrong-“

“No, something is wrong” you cut him off quickly, taking his hand in both of yours

“You’ve been...sad”

that’s what it is, the emotion he’s been trying to cover up

He thought he was covering up his internal turmoil pretty well

Draco won’t lie, the fact that he’s more transparent then he thinks hurts

“Ever since we saw your old classmates at the bakery”

The way he flinches when you mention it tells you all you need to know

You feel a protective flare swell inside you

“Did something happen? Did they do something to you?“

you’re already thinking about how you need to protect you Draco from them, they work in the same industry so they’re bound to cross paths. Maybe-

“I’m the one who did something to them.”

Draco breaks you away from your thoughts

“What?”

“I-“

Draco looks into your puzzled face, and his heart squeezes

He didn’t want you to find out, not like this

Pretty soon you’ll be thrust into his history headfirst-

His hand is held in both of yours,

your eyes are so warm as they look up at him.

And all he can think is that he doesn’t deserve any of this

The truth is he didn’t want you to ever know

“I wasn’t a good person” he croaks

He knows he’s just as much a victim as the others, he’s got the scars and the death eater mark to prove it- both things he didn’t really want

It was coercion, they told him.

He grew up in an environment where he was punished for showing any original thought, his therapist had said

He’s a victim too

But that doesn’t mean it was okay for him to treat people like that- for him to call people that word-

“I was a bully, a monster, I was-”

Draco’s cut off when you pull him into a hug

Draco stumbles back when you throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him

“Stop. Don’t talk about yourself like that.” You say

He doesn’t understand why until he see’s the tears drop onto your hair

Oh, he’s crying

“Shh, it’s okay” you hum, holding him close as he sobs into your shoulder

And you two stay just like that for a long time

“I just don’t want you to think less of me” Draco murmurs, you’re both on his bed now, you’re both sitting cross legged across from each other

He looks so ashamed, it’s like he’s admitting he killed someone

In all honestly, you figured something like this might be the case.

Draco’s a rich boy, he doesn’t seem like someone who’s experienced financial struggle,

He’s someone who experienced life with a sense of entitlement

You look at him, rim of his eyes tinged pink and swelling. The almost pitiful sniffle he lets out

But the Draco in front of you isn’t like that, not anymore at least.

His kindness is still a little rough...but it’s there

You know that, you see it every time he picks up on your mood, every time he comforts you when you have a bad day

You’ve seen it during this trip, where he catered everything so you would have a good time

You just have to make him see that now

“All of that, it’s in the past now Draco” you squeeze his hand, and he finally stops looking down and up at you

“You have a past, I do too” you give him a warm smile. “but that’s all behind us now, all that matter is where we’re going from here”

Your reassuring expression and tender words make him feel like he might cry again, but this time for a different reason

“We don’t have to talk about it, not until you’re ready” you tell him

he feels his eyes sting

“I don’t deserve your kindness”

And from another man you would think it’s a plot to earn your sympathy, but looking at Draco you know he means every word

He looks like a broken man

Like he’s haunted, worn down to the bone

So you do the only thing you can think to do, knees pressing into the mattress you hover over him. Your hands cup each side of his face, tilting it up so those brilliant grey eyes are looking at you

“You deserve every part of me my love” you murmur, peppering his face with kisses

Scattering them across his cheeks, his hairline, down his thin nose, and across his jaw

Before finally catching his lips, your mouth gently caressing his

“(Y/N)-“ your name leaves him in a breathless voice- half in want and half concerned

His hand caresses your face, stopping you as you kiss down his neck

He wants to tell you that You don’t have to do any of this just because he’s feeling emotional

But he doesn’t have to say anything, because you understand immediately, giving him a kind smile

“I’m doing it because I want you-“ you take his hand , pressing kisses to the end of his fingertips

“Do you trust me?”

And Draco, who doesn’t trust his voice, can only manage a nod

“I’m going to be good for you” you murmur against his hand, and you feel him shiver underneath you.

Draco’s made love to you countless times, felt your burning skin against his hands so many times he’s lost count.

But it’s never been like this

It’s so....

He looks at you underneath him, your eyes are warm as you look up at him, and full of so much love

It’s.....Comforting.

This time making love to you is comforting.

Your hand presses against his lower abdomen, right above the place you both are connected, and it earns an involuntary shiver from him

But you don’t stop there, your hand trails up his stomach, across his chest, fingers lightly brushing against the nape of his neck before resting on his face

The action, mixed with that warm look in your eyes, feels so tender

“You’re so pretty” You murmur, your thumb rubbing tenderly across his cheek.

Caressing his face.

“My pretty boy Draco”

And he feels emotion well up within him once more.

A tear slipping down his face as he leans down to kiss you

He doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve your love

But he’s so grateful that he has it

That he has you

“Being good for him” extends past the bedroom it seems, because the next morning he wakes up to an empty bed, his body littered with kiss marks, a hot bath drawn for him with flower petals scattered across the surface, and a note

‘Took the car to the village, will be back soon. P.S take a bath and relax until I get back, I have your favorite tea in the kettle for when you’re done.’

Draco can’t help the goofy grin that spreads across his face

“I really don’t deserve you”

You come back only fifteen minutes later, while he’s still soaking in the tub.

You walk over to him wordlessly, rubbing his shoulders as you lean against the rim of the tub.

“How are you feeling today darling?” You murmur, kissing his temple.

“Better now that you’re here.” And he means it, he loves what you’ve done for him, but it’s always so lonely when you’re gone

He takes your hand in his, looking up at you with shining grey eyes.

“Will you join me?”

You laugh, your other hand caressing his face

“I have to go get things ready for our picnic- I thought it might be nice, there’s a place the locals told me about- a hill a few kilometers away from here.”

“That can wait can’t it?” He asks, and when you make no move to undress he adds -

“please?”

He looks like a little boy, and you find yourself relenting, pulling off your sweater with a sigh

The tub is massive, probably half the size of your bedroom, so you give Draco some room, sitting on the other side of the tub

Last night was intense, for you and for him, you don’t want to overwhelm him with too much stimulation

But Draco doesn’t let you stay far away, beckoning you to him. Only satisfied when your back is pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around your chest and stomach

“I’m sorry-“ he starts, but you silence him with a simple squeeze of his hand

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for”

And it’s true. How many times has Draco comforted you- bringing you dinner when you pulled late nights at work, or kissed your tears away?

“It’s nice. Seeing another part of the person I love” you reassure

There’s a moment of silence before Draco opens his mouth again

“When I was in school, I-I -“

“ you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” you reassure,

the two have the rest of your lives to talk about these things, there’s no rush

But Draco shake his head, and offers you a small smile

“I want to talk about it, I want you to know”

And so Draco tells you as much as he can without giving away his secret

He tells you his family comes from old money, and he internalized certain messages from that

“It’s not an excuse,” he clarifies, “but it’s part of the story too”

He tells you how he was a bully all through this childhood and into adolescence.

Even early adulthood.

How he basically tormented the people he bullied-

“Granger... I was terrible to her.” He admits, you’ve since moved away from the bath tub, and you’re sitting in the garden, drinking tea and eating scones. “I called her terrible things”

He means he called her a mudblood, the greatest insult a person can get

You’re thinking he probably called her a b*tch or a c*nt.

Honestly I’m not sure which version is worse

“Did you have a crush on her?” You ask, and Draco sputters. His cheeks blooming red

He remembers being jealous of Granger, she was always at the top of their class, and he always came in second to her.

He remembers getting lectures for it everytime he came home for the holidays

His Father always fuming how Draco was so inept that even a ‘mudblood’ could surpass him.

And some of that did transfer to his dislike for the person

He does remember thinking she looked awfully beautiful at the Yule Ball though, in that pink dress

“She’d look better in green” he had thought and then realizing what he just thought blushed and looked towards his date.

“Maybe I did.” He admits to you, almost a decade later.

And you laugh

“I bet you were a cutie” Draco only blushes even more

What you wouldn’t give to see a teenage Draco, you wonder what it would have been like if you met him when you were younger

How different would things be?

You watch Draco flush bright red, trying to cover his embarrassment with a sip of his tea

Well, the way things turned out isn’t so bad either

You spend the rest of the trip at Draco’s family’s manor, in domestic bliss

You stand on your tip toes, trying to reach a pair of mugs on the top shelf

“Here let me get that” Draco says reaching them with ease while standing behind you

You drink tea in the garden

“Draco darling, will you pass me the preserves?”

You’re both dressed like something out a a historical drama, he’s in a suit and you’ve got on a tilted sun hat and white gloves

Playing like you’re nobility vacationing in the Parisian countryside

Which... Draco sort of actually is

.... let’s not think of that

And go on picnics on the nearby hill

“Oh no” you mumble

“What’s wrong?” Draco asks while setting down the picnic blanket

“I forgot to bring glasses for the wine” you sigh

Draco shrugs

“We’ll just drink from the bottle”

You make a face and he laughs

“What does the thought of an indirect kiss make you nervous?”

You lightly shove him with a laugh

And late nights spent in their family library

“Your family sure has a strange book collection” you say holding up a book titled ‘witchcraft in the mid-1800’s’

Draco scrambles towards you

“Y-yeah that’s probably my dad, he’s kind of interested in that occult stuff...for fun, not like, because he’s apart of a cult or anything”

Not anymore at least

“I wasn’t thinking that he was apart of a cult... but I am now” you joke

You’ve moved on, scanning the rest of their collection, but Draco’s looking at you-

This last week has been like something out of a dream

He can’t imagine how happy he would be to have this everyday

He watches your hand brush against the spine of a book

He extends a hand over your own, stroking your ring finger

“Make sure this finger is empty for me, okay?”

#harry potter imagine #harry potter #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy headcanons #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x muggle reader #Harry Potter Hogwarts mystery #harrypotter-imaginess

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years ago

Text

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years ago

Text

My One Chicago Headcannons Part 1

Cornelius Rhodes either killed his wife or orchestrated it somehow, and Connor found out or saw and knows his dad covered it up and he can't do anything about it

Connor gives 90% ofhis income away to charity cause after he was exposed to the injustices of the world he felt like he really had to do something and is well aware that money actually does have a lot of effect on social justice and change

Helen Manning (Natalie's MIL) showed up to her son's wedding in a white dress and had some weird attachment to her son

Natalie is fluent in Italian and has been teaching Owen

Maggie was blocked from her family group chat after she sent her 1,000 meme and her aunts and uncles got tired of feeling old so her cousins and nieces and nephews created a group chat called Maggie’s memes cause they think she’s hilarious

Will Halstead violated people's DNRs because he wasn't there for his mother when she was sick/dying and he feels really guilty and needs therapy

Sharon loves heavy metal, she listen to one song like 30 years ago by accident and fell in love with the genre and when Maggie one day walks in and sees her bobbing along to Black Sabbath she looks really surprised but then Sharon shrugs, pauses the music, and asks whats up, and Maggie just kinda tucks the info away and is just happy that she knows Sharon even better now

Dr. Charles has a therapist, but isn't completely honest with her I don't think because he did some seriously bad shit to Reese that was obviously connected to his failures as a father to his daughters

Reese would have been better suited in literally any other practice of medicine but psychiatry but she made a rash decision after a bad day, encouraged by her manipulative bf, and just accepted psychiatry cause it was the best thing that came along after she dropped pathology

Joey was a POS who purposefully dated med students cause they were so naive

April Sexton wanted to be a doctor but was bullied into being a nurse by her family because they thought that her make brother deserved a better job than her because of their genders

April is so holier than thou because she found some power in social standing at her job and holds onto it for dear life to deal with the failure of her personal goals

Kevin gets invited to all of Kim's family functions (so did his siblings when they lived with him) and the entire family has basically adopted him as an older brother

Kim and Adam (separately) mail presents to Vinessa and Jordan for their bdays and holidays

Jay was totally a mommas boy and was taught to cook and bake by her (Will burns water somehow and it's shocking that he's a functional adult) he also knows how to sew and knit and made baby blankets for Owen Manning when he was born, Louie when Gabby started fostering him, Terrance Boden when he was born, and Makayla when Kim decided to foster her

Hailey can also cook and bake but it's almost strictly Greek food and the basics (she tried making bouef bourguignon once and it tasted like pigeon farts, don't ask) she;s also an amazing singer and Jay swears that she’s part siren

Platt has a vacation house in Southern France that she tells no one about, but it’s where she and Mouch went for their honeymoon, and she let’s the Hermann’s and Boden’s use it for vacations every once in a while but they’re sworn to secrecy

Voight is bi and secretly had a crush on Al almost the entire time they knew each other and he’s been taking care of Michelle since he died and Olivia (his DIL) got remarried and he hates her new husband but won’t say anything cause he knows it’s just because Justin’s dead

Voight likes some people in the world, like Platt and intelligence, but Daniel (his grandson) is the only person he actually loves and lives for at this point (if Olivia asked him to retire and move close to them for Daniel he would at the drop of a hat but he knows she wants space after what happened to Justin)

Severide’s favourite drinks are the fancy fruity ones but doesn’t drink them cause he doesn’t want to get teased about it (one of the only things Benny instilled in him, internalized toxic masculinity) so Sylvie orders them and gives them to him sometimes as a sign of friendship after he divorced the blonde he married in Vegas cause she didn’t go with him

Matt was in the foster system after his mom shot his dad not becasue he didn’t have any other family, but because no one in his family wanted him, so he actually has a massive family with lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins that he hasn’t seen since he was fifteen

Matt keeps in contact with Louie and his dad (Gabby just couldn’t and everyone understood) and gets invited over for Sunday dinner sometimes, and Louie’s grandma makes him call her ‘mom’ and treats him like a son and Matt is so grateful

Stella LOVES cars, she’s super into them and Top Gear is one of her all time favourite shows

Sylvie would be okay with getting pregnant and having a biological child but she really wants to foster and adopt kids cause even though she was six she remembers just how bad the foster system was

Sylvie has a green thumb and knows carpentry cause her grandparents taught her

Mackey loves country music and knows how to play guitar cause she likes to play along

Joe is really good at painting, some of Chloe’s favs are his acrylics but he prefers watercolours

Mouch actually became fluent in Japanese and does part-time work as a translator for the CPD

Hermann hates silence. He works in a firehouse and then goes home to a house filled with his wife and five kids, if he ever actually gets a moment of peace and quiet he blasts music, sometimes he dances too and it turns into dance parties whenever his kids catch him

Boden carves and paints wooden birds after his dad died and asked Casey to make a mobile for Terrance out of the ones he’d made and makes a special carving for everyone he loves on their birthday they’re Donna’s favourite gifts and she literally has a specific shelf for them

Gallo only likes cheese on pizza and quesadillas and the real reason he and Violet broke up was because cheese was her favourite food and she’d put it on everything (even though he gave an impromptu marriage proposal after the green eyed monster made an appearnce, she actually liked him and wanted to work on the relationship after she obviously said no, but cheese was a deal breaker for him)

Ritter is 100% a Dog Dad, Tuesday has five different beds, far too many toys to count, and he buys her gourmet dog food and treats, but it;s okay becasue Eric spoils her too

#One Chicago #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #chicago med

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mlovesstories · 4 years ago

Text

His Thoughts on Therapy Part 1

Summary: Dean is forced to go to therapy. He doesn’t want to, but he ends up meeting a friend.

Warnings: Dean being emotional because of the fire, therapy, car issues, cussing

Words: 2600

Dean x reader!platonic

Sam x reader!platonic

Dean x therapist!Dr. Sky

Masterlist of Masterlists

“Go.” Sam growled. “Or I’ll take you there myself!”

Dean has made a bet of sorts with Sam. If his drinking became more frequent, Sam was going to be in charge of buying the beer and Dean would have to go to a therapist. They had experienced a lot, and they both knew that. Sam could see Dean fading, so he laid down the law, and Dean was not cooperating.

“I’ll pour all the beer down the drain right now if you don’t go to your appointment. It’s in twenty minutes.” He was toward the fridge.

“OKAY!” Dean stood up quickly and grabbed his keys. “Don’t touch what beer I have left.” He groaned.

“Bye!” Sam sighed, happy he won the argument.

Dean went to his therapist for a few sessions. He was very saddened when he saw that she was older than him and not his type. Dean did not want to be there, and it showed. He liked her, but he was not the ‘spill his guts’ type of person. His therapist made an off comment about her mom passing, and Dean’s heart dropped.

“My mom is gone too,” he said sadly.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Dean.” She frowned.

“Yeah, it was a while ago. It’s fine.”

��You’re really good at not really dealing with anything, are you?” The doctor said seriously.

“What gave it away? My sarcasm, deflection, or self-preservation?” He grinned. “Look, doc,” Dean sighed. “My mom died when I was four. My dad told me to get Sam, so I got my brother out before the fire engulfed the stairs. Dad was fine, but my mom didn’t come out of the house with him.”

“Wow,” the doctor said, almost judgingly.

“What? My story not good enough for you? I got more if you-” Dean raised his voice in defense.

“No, Dean,” she put a hand up asking him to calm down. “What I meant was that just from that one story you’ve told me, it tells me a lot about you.”

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Like what?”

“You grew up a lot that night. I’d put my money on you as the protector and preserver of the family. You probably blame your dad for your mom’s death in a way.”

“Woah, my dad-”

“I’m sorry. That was very forward of me.” She frowned again.

“I was in charge of Sammy, and he was supposed to get Mom. He didn’t. End of story.”

“Mhmm.” Doctor Sky eyed him.

“Okay, I’m done,” Dean stood and put the pillows back where they were placed at the beginning of the session. “I’m done with you psychoanalyzing me.” He stormed out. She didn’t chase after him. The oldest Winchester walked down the steps to the parking lot. Sitting in the Impala, Dean froze, not understanding his emotions. All of a sudden, he realized he had hiccups.

Why am I crying? I don’t cry!

But there was nothing he could do to stop it. Dean covered his face with his hands and sobbed.

YN was late for her appointment. She quickly walked from her car and ran up the stairs to the door she needed to enter. An hour later, she noticed a car in the same spot that it was in when she had arrived. Dean sat blankly in Baby, not seeing YN approaching. She saw tear stains on his face and his eyes puffy.

“Here,” she said, her hand extended with tissues, offering them to him. Dean jumped. “Sorry. Thought you could use them is all. Have a good day.” YN walked toward her car when he heard him call for her. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

Dean was surprised by the interaction. No questions about why he was acting the way he was. He appreciated it since he was, once again, not a ‘spill-the beans’ type of a person.

The next time he saw his therapist, he apologized for his actions. Dean himself was surprised he even went back, but he knew he needed to or Sam would not buy him any drinks.

“Let’s talk about something else today. Other than your mom, how was it growing up? Are you and your little brother still close?”

“Sammy and I live together. He’s a lawyer, I’m a mechanic. I can’t afford a house, so he lets me rent a room. He’s taller, but I’m cooler,” Dean laughed, and so did the doctor. “Growing up, my dad was gone a lot. He had to run the shop pretty much by himself. I had to take care of Sammy.”

“You’re still very connected with him, that’s very nice to hear. A lot of clients don’t have healthy family relationships if I’m being honest.”

“We’re all we got, I guess.”

“Do you get along with your father? Does he still run the shop?”

Dean winced.

“Am I missing something?” She asked, sincere.

“He passed away a few years ago. A car was on the lift, one of the arms broke. He pushed me out of the way. He didn’t make it.”

“Wow, Dean. That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. My brother has dealt with it better than I have. He exercises regularly, I... “ he stopped himself. “I don’t make healthy choices.” Dean laughed. “I drink sometimes. Sammy said if I continued, I needed to see a therapist. So, here I am.” Dean looked up from his fingers nervously running over a couch pillow placed on his lap.

“Good for you.”

“Huh?” He was confused.

“For seeking help. You’ve been through a lot, Dean. I have something I want you to try. Can you draw?”

“I used to draw my own comics as a kid.”

“Perfect. Here,” his therapist reached in her drawer and pulled out a sketch pad. “Use this. In two weeks, I want you have completed a scenario from your own life where you were hurt. But remember that you’re the comic book hero in this.”

Dean’s face dropped.

“If you want me to read it, I will. If not, that’s okay too.”

Dean relaxed.

“Okay,” he followed her lead as she stood and led him to the door.

“Great. You did wonderful today, and I’m so happy to have you as a client, Dean. Have a wonderful day.”

Dean passed someone on the steps as he walked down to his car. He heard sniffles. Dean turned and found the girl he had seen previously.

“Hey, tissues.” he smirked at his nickname for her. She startled and looked at him. “You okay, kid?” He saw bruises on her arm. When she realized they were noticeable, she adjusted her sleeve.

“Yeah, just got robbed. I’m okay,” she shrugged, trying to keep the tears away.

“Shit, kid. Let me see,” Dean walked toward her, but she recoiled. Forgetting how large he was compared to her, he didn’t realize how he came across. He put his hands up. “Just trying to repay the favor from the other day. Promise I’m not here to hurt you.” Dean slowly sat down on the steps next to her. He was surprised at her openness and trust level. YN pulled her sleeves up to her elbows. She had a few scrapes, but she looked to be okay. “Looks like you need some tissues this time,” Dean grinned. She smiled. “I’m Dean.”

“YN.”

“Are you here with your parents or someone who can help you?”

“I don’t have anybody in this town. Going to college here for the first semester.”

“Eighteen?”

“Twenty. Transferred from a junior college.” She looked at her phone. “Shit. I”m late for my session. Thanks, Dean. See you around.”

“Bye, Tissues.” Dean grinned.

“Whatever, asshole,” she retorted, returning his expression.

Dean kept thinking about his interactions with YN. He felt bad for her that she was so young and on her own. Obviously smart and cared for her mental health, but he somehow felt protective of her.

“Kid?” Dean saw her in the grocery store. She turned.

“Hi Dean. How are you?”

“I’m good. Uh. This is my brother, Sam.”

“Hi,” Sam extended his hand and shook hers.

“Damn, they make you guys big.” YN giggled. “You from Texas or something?”

“Nah, right here,” Dean laughed. “Hey, you doing better today?” He leaned in closer so that others wouldn’t hear.

“Much, thanks.”

“Here, take my number, and you can call us if you need anything.” He ripped off part of his grocery list and wrote his cell phone number on it.

“Are you sure?” YN gasped at his sweetness.

“Sure,” he shrugged.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I need to go, but thanks, boys. I appreciate it, really.”

“Not a problem,” Sam said. “I’m hungry, let’s go, dude.”

“So what was that about? You don’t just hand your number out to people these days.” Sam looked up at his brother that evening at dinner.

“Nothing. She’s a kid and she needs help sometimes just like we all do. She told me outside the therapy office that she doesn’t have anyone here because she’s going to KU, not from here. YN is down on her luck, that’s all.”

“You’re not asking her-”

“Eww! No. Gross.”

“Okay, okay,” Sam leaned back. “Just trying to understand.

“She was black and blue the other day, Sammy. You would have done the same thing.”

“Whatever, dude.”

A few days later, Dean heard his phone go off in the middle of the night.

“What?” He groaned, sleepy.

“Dean, it’s YN… from therapy.”

His eyes widened and his senses were alert.

“What’s wrong?” Dean immediately sat up in bed, concerned.

“I got stuck in the road. I heard you were a mechanic? Do you happen to have a tow truck? My starter is shot because of the storm and mud or whatever. I’ll pay you for it, but can you help me?”

Dean heard the waver in her voice.

“Where are you?”

She told him the cross streets, and he told her he would be there in fifteen minutes.

“You’re on the side of the road, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Stay in your car, you don’t need to be stranded AND wet from the storm. You’ll be okay. I’ll be right there.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

When she saw a large truck getting closer, she flashed her head lights and tail lights at him. Dean pulled in front of her car. Getting out, he motioned for her to get into his vehicle.

“The heat is on, stay warm! There are blankets in the back. I’m going to put your front tires on the back of my truck and then we can go. Just give me a few!” Dean shouted over the rain pouring.

“Okay!” YN ran to get into the warm vehicle. She looked over her shoulder and saw flannel blankets on the floorboard.

Ten minutes later, Dean came inside. Soaked from the storm, he tried to warm up by putting his sleeves next to the vents.

“Here,” YN grabbed an extra blanket. She motioned for him to lean his head toward her. YN ran the blanket through his hair to get the excess water off. “Take your shirt off, it’s sopping wet.”

“I’m okay.” He smiled, thanking her for thinking of him.

“You’ll catch a cold, it’s fine.” She waited until he complied. “Wrap this around you,” YN offered him the blanket.

“Thanks,” he sighed. “Let’s get you home.”

After agreeing that he would take her car to the shop in the morning, he told her good night.

“Tissues!” He yelled through the noise of the storm. She turned. “I’ll give you an update tomorrow. Don’t worry about it, okay? Go dry off!”

“Okay!” YN hurried into her apartment before stripping off her clothes and blow drying her hair. Retrieving her pajamas from the dryer, she settled in for the night.

Thank God for that Winchester guy.

“Hi Dean,” YN answered the phone the next evening.

“Hey Tissues! Your car is at the shop. We’ve got a starter for you. You’ll have it back tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. How much do I owe you?”

“It’s usually one hundred, but it was an easy job, so don’t worry about it.”

“You came and got me at 2am, brought me home, and then fixed my car. AND YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING FOR IT?”

“How about you buy me and the guys two pizzas? ‘That fair?”

“Oh my gosh. Dean, yes. Thank you!” YN squealed into the phone.

“I’ll call you when it’s done, okay?”

“Thanks, Dean!”

Dean checked on her every few weeks after that. Dean tried harder in therapy, realizing the value of it as he attended more sessions.

“YN told me what you did for her. How did that make you feel?”

“Good, I guess. She needed some help, and I could help her. She doesn’t think I’m a creep or something, right? I could be her dad, I was just trying to be nice.” Dean sputtered out.

“I think it’s fine, Dean.” The doctor laughed. “What I mean is that you gave of yourself when you didn’t have to.”

“I guess.”

Dean texted YN that night and asked if she needed anything.

YN: Nope, thanks, Winchester.

Dean: No problem, T.

YN: When are you going to stop with the ‘Tissues’ thing?

Dean: You don’t like it?

YN: Dork.

Dean: Whatever.

“I’m not going! I don’t feel good!”

“You’re not sick. So help me, I will dump that whole six pack down the drain if you don’t go to therapy today!” Sam chased after his brother.

“I’m- she makes me think, and I don’t like it!”

Sam chuckled.

“That’s her job, asshole.”

“Shut up. Fine. I’m going. You better not touch my beer.”

“Hi, Dean.” YN passed him after her session with their therapist. “How are you?”

“Not today, kid.” He ran past her and let the door slam as he entered the suite.

“Damn. Whatever, Winchester.”

“What’s going on today, Dean?” His therapist got comfortable in her chair.

“I’m fine,” he shrugged.

“Is that why everything you’ve done while in my office has included sudden movements? And maybe the reason you sound like an elephant stomping around?” She raised a brow.

“Doc, I don’t want to be here, okay?”

“You’re only here because of Sam, yeah, I got that. What’s going on? No therapy talk, just a conversation.”

I don’t know. Okay? I’ve been a mess since I’ve been coming to see you, and I don’t know why. I also don’t like it.”

“Ah. So then why are you still here? Other than your brother making you? There has to be something else.” Doctor Sky at him squarely.

“I’ve never felt like this before. I’m an emotional mess and yet it feels good…? Is that weird?” Dean readjusted his sitting position on the office couch.

“That makes perfect sense. You’re exploring parts of your life that you haven’t in a long time, Dean. It feels good to get it out, doesn’t it?”

“Odd, I think is a better word for it.” Dean huffed. “I hate being here, but I feel better about everything too.”

“That’s not at all a surprise to me, Dean.” She pulled out a pen and wrote a note to herself. :THat shows growth. I think you’ve grown.”

“I guess.”

“Did you write in your comic book?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Dean pulled it out from his large back pocket. He tried to hand it to her. Before reaching for it, she tilted her head.

“I gave you the option of not sharing it with me. Are you sure you want to?”

He extended it further.

“Did you enjoy putting your comic together?” His therapist flipped through a few pages and then looked up at him.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say it was fun, but I would rather do that than write it out.” Dean shrugged.

“Noted. So I see in here you depicted the fire.”

“And the time I had to take Sammy to the emergency room on my bike because he broke his arm,” he grinned at the memory.

“Oh my.” Dr. Sky smiled. “Sounds like a story for another time. Please keep using this, I think it will be beneficial to you. When you need a new one, let me know.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’m very proud of you for sticking this out. I think we should talk about some coping skills for you.”

“Come on, doc.” Dean adjusted his jacket on his shoulders, showing his uncomfortableness.

“You’re showing new emotions, you need to know what to do with them, don’t you think?” His therapist put her notebook to the side.

“Do you enjoy physical activity, sports, watching TV?”

“All of the above.”

“When you start to feel out of control, use one of those. It’s good to feel emotions, and it’s healthy, but don’t let your mind stay there.”

“Makes sense.”

“You’re doing great, Dean. Keep up the good work.”

Forever Friends (Everything):

@katymacsupernatural @unicornblood4ever @supernatural-crazed-girl

@fangirl-moment-x @empirialwolf @winchesters-favorite-girl @super100012

@percywinchester27 @waywardsuns @supernatural-jackles

@mcallmestiles @sdavid09 @kingandrear @bellero @skylarraker

@seality @jaycc7983 @luci-in-trenchcoats

@cherryblossomflowers @because-you-never-know-when

@sleepylunarwolf @choosemyname

@internationalmusicteacher @mersuperwholocked-lowlife

@encounterthepast @torn-and-frayed

@giggles1026 @xiumin-girl99

@mangueweaschester

@idksupernatural @silverstripe101a

@thevelvetseries @jennawinchester152a * @samsgirl93 @supernatural3002 *

* @breereadsthings *

@a-magey @vicmc624 @hookedinto-fictionalworlds @beatifuldisaster018

@miraclesoflove @myopiamystical @fallen-wolf22

@waywardnewcomer

@marvelouslysherlockedhunter @miss-nerd95 @akshi8278

#supernatural #SupernaturalAU #mlovesstorieshisthoughtsontherapy #mlovesstories #dean winchester #dean x reader!platonic #Sam Winchester #sam x reader!platonic

62 notes · View notes

goldenraeofsun · 4 years ago

Text

the best day with you

Part of this verse!

Dean taps Claire on the shoulder. “You got plans for this weekend?”

Claire twists on their couch to see him and sets aside her laptop. With narrowed eyes full of suspicion, she grabs the remote and mutes Dr. Sexy. “Why?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

Dean rolls his eyes. This is why he became a teacher. To help teenagers. Not to strangle them for sassing him to his face. Sure, Claire might be a sophomore in college now, and she’s not really a teenager anymore, but Dean’s never going to see her as anything but an angsty junior in high school. Especially if she keeps up the this attitude. Dean says, as evenly as he can, “Because I want to do something with you.”

Claire grimaces. “Really? Don’t you have other boring old man friends to do things with? Like, for instance, your boyfriend?”

“No,” Dean says. “Cas is going to visit Gabriel in LA this week.”

“And you chose to stay behind with me instead?” Claire says, her eyebrows rising to her hairline.

“Yes.”

“Are you dying?”

“What?” Dean gapes. “No!”

Claire squints at him. “Are you hoping I can score drugs for you?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I can get my own drugs, thanks. It’s one of the perks of being a real live adult.”

“Do you need money?”

“If I did,” Dean starts incredulously, “why would I ask a broke college student?”

“I don’t know,” Claire says with a shrug. “Dementia? That kicks in about now for you, right?”

Dean’s mouth falls open. “I’m barely thirty-four!”

Claire shrugs. “Alzheimers?”

“That’s a kind of dementia,” Dean tells her flatly. He runs a hand down his face. “Look, are you free or not, kid?”

Dean is pretty sure she doesn’t have plans, judging by the way she’s religiously camped out on their couch for the past two weeks straight. She's abandoned her spot only to go to the bathroom, eat meals, and, on one memorable occasion, visit her parents for Sunday dinner. The living room her space now - which is fine with him, Dean’s been doing his summer school grading at the kitchen table. Along with her computer, Claire’s got the coding handbook Charlie Frankenstien-ed for her out of a bunch of different documents, probably all downloaded and printed illegally. On the television, she cycles through daytime soaps and CW evening dramas.

Claire grins. “On Saturday or something? Yeah.”

He rolls his eyes. “Was that so hard?”

“No, but it was fun.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a handful?” Dean says as he turns to head back into the kitchen. Lunch wasn’t going to make itself, and Cas was due back any minute from his errands.

“Just my parents, every day from age thirteen to eighteen,” Claire says casually as she reaches for the remote to resume Dr. Sexy.

Dean freezes. “Hey,” he starts, not really sure where he’s going with this.

“What?” Claire snaps as if annoyed, but her face is guarded.

“Your parents were asshats, you know that?” Dean says. “They shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“Yeah, well, you know what they say about family,” Claire mutters as she turns up Dr. Sexy.

In the middle of her junior year of high school, Claire moved in with Cas for about six months.

Early in the year, she had an explosive argument with her parents about transferring from their preferred private school to Edlund High. She also came out to them.

Dean has the sneaking suspicion Claire doesn’t think she had it that bad. Her parents didn’t hit her. They didn’t kick her out. They didn’t even stop giving her her allowance. But they didn’t talk to her for days on end. They ignored her until she needed something from them, or the other way around. By Christmas, Claire had had enough. She left.

Back then, Dean told Claire her parents were in the wrong as many times as she would let him - which wasn’t many.

Cas took the lead with her, instead. She was his family. He found her a therapist and encouraged her to make friends at Edlund. Dean didn’t really feel like it was his place. She was Cas’s niece, and Dean was the guy who stayed over a couple times a week when she was crashing there too. And then he became her teacher when the transfer to Edlund became official. Still, she wouldn’t consider him family.

“My uncle always said, ‘family don’t end in blood,’” Dean tells her seriously.

Claire slumps back on the couch. “Right,” she says dully.

Dean takes a step back, rubbing his neck as he swallows down his next few words. He’s not about to give a heartfelt lecture on family and healthy boundaries to someone who’s going to grumble and groan through it. He jerks his head towards the kitchen. “I’ll get started on-”

Claire interrupts, “But that’s not grammatically correct. Aren’t you an English teacher? Who gave you a license to teach?”

Dean snorts. “Just think about it, will you?”

“Uh huh,” Claire waves him off. “If you’re going to the kitchen, can you make me a sandwich?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yes, Your Majesty. Cas finished off the strawberry jelly while he was grading essays last night, so you’re gonna have to settle for grape.”

Claire makes a face but nods. Dean’s almost at the kitchen door when she asks, “Your uncle, was he really your uncle?”

Dean shakes his head. “Not by blood. He was a good friend of my dad’s. But he was as good as family - better than, sometimes.” He swallows. Bobby’s been gone two years now. Dean had thought the grief when his dad passed was bad, but it was a whole other beast with Bobby.

Claire squints at him, looking so much like Cas Dean can’t help the warm feeling in his chest. “This is your show, right?” she asks out of the blue, gesturing to the television.

Dean blinks. “Yeah?”

And that’s how Cas finds them ten minutes later, eating PB&Js on the couch, watching Dr. Sexy - with Claire skewering every characterization and costume choice, and Dean defending Dr. Sexy’s cowboy boots with his life.

* * *

“Minigolf, really?” Claire asks as they pull into the parking lot on a bright Saturday afternoon. The early-summer temperatures are already high enough to make Dean sweat in the Impala, and Claire’s shorts could double as bikini bottoms, they’re so small.

She adds, “You realize I have a fake ID and we could probably go to a bar or something.”

“One,” Dean says as he slams the car door shut, “minigolf is a classic American pastime. Much better for your liver than drinking. And B, don’t ever tell Cas about that fake.”

Claire clambers out of the car. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Just making sure,” Dean says airily as he starts walking. He holds out his hand as she jobs to catch up to him. “Lemme see it.”

“Why?” she asks suspiciously as she digs for her wallet in her purse and fishes the ID out.

“Nice job,” Dean says as he holds it up to the sunlight shining overhead. “Ash?”

Claire stops short, surprised. “What?”

“Did Ash do this one?” Dean asks. “Come on,” he tells her as he nudges her shoulder to keep her moving out of the middle of the parking lot. “Nobody else does ‘em this good.”

“How do you know that?” Claire demands.

Dean laughs. “I told you I can get my own drugs.”

“Ash deals too?” Claire asks, looking hopeful.

Dean leans over to ruffle her hair. “His dope is a little out of your price range, squirt.”

“Hey!” Claire squawks as she tries to smooth everything back into place. “And nobody calls it ‘dope’ any more, you doof.”

Dean grins. “Yeah, I know.”

They enter the main building and get in line to rent the putters. It smells strongly of sunblock and worn down parental patience. A few parents wait ahead of them, all older than Dean with kids younger than Claire. A group of high schoolers are inspecting a row of putters on display on the far wall. Through the windows to the back, Dean can see a splendid display of mostly-intact astroturf and course obstacles with sun-faded paint.

The guy behind the counter is wearing an obnoxiously bright shirt and smile. “Hiya,” he says cheerily as they step up to the counter, “I’m Garth, welcome!”

“Two adults please,” Claire says quickly, like she knows Dean was going to ask for a kid’s ticket to mess with her.

“You got it,” Garth says as he bends down to grab two putters. “The bathrooms are by Hole 7, and if you want to grab lunch across the way at Fenris’s Diner, show them your receipt and you’ll get 15% off.”

Dean steps forward with his wallet. “Do you know if they have pie?”

Garth smiles wider, showing even more teeth, which Dean didn’t think was possible. “You bet! The best darn cherry pie I’ve ever tasted.”

“Awesome,” he says. “Thanks, man.”

“Thank you!” Garth says as he rings them up. “And good luck on the course!”

* * *

Dean is uncomfortably sweaty by Hole 2, and Claire piles her hair on top of her head in a messy bun to cool off her neck halfway through Hole 4.

“Swing batter, batter, swing!” Dean shouts from right behind her as she hits the ball at Hole 6.

Claire glares at him as her ball knocks against the windmill blade and skips off to the side. “That’s for baseball, idiot.”

“But you still missed,” Dean points out as he sidles up to tee. “So does it really matter? Hey!” She kicks him in the ankle as he strikes at the ball. “You cheater,” he gasps dramatically.

“So what?” Claire asks, putter swinging ominously at her side, “You gonna tell on me?”

Dean frowns. “No, but I won't buy you any pie when this is all over.” He keeps his eyes peeled for an opportunity to mess with her as she takes another stab at the windmill.

“Fine with me. I like cake better.”

Dean raises his head to gape at her. “Seriously?”

Claire throws him a funny look. “Does it matter?”

Dean’s mouth works furiously. “You ate the last slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving two years ago.”

Claire’s eyebrows climb to her hairline as she leans against the windmill and watches him take another stab at it. “You remember that?”

Dean hardly watches where his ball goes. “Of course I do.”

Jimmy and Amelia had elected to have Thanksgiving at Cas’s mother’s place. Cas, whose frosty relationship with his mother wasn’t helped by her dismissive attitude towards Claire, hosted a separate Thanksgiving at the (then) new house he shared with Dean. Sam and Jess flew in from California, and Claire was, of course, invited too. They were having a fucking blast, until Claire stole the last slice of pie right out from under Dean’s nose.

Claire snickers under her breath. “You’re so weird.”

Dean glares. “I called dibs.”

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about, McMurphy,” Claire says, the liar. She crouches to get a better look at the windmill.

Dean tries to suppress his smile. “Was that a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest reference?”

Claire rolls her eyes. “I paid attention in your class, you know. Even if you gave me an A-minus.”

Dean grins. “But you got a 5 on the AP Exam.”

Claire does a little jig as her ball falls into the hole.

* * *

“What the fuck?” Dean howls as his ball stops just short of Hole 9. Parents chaperoning a group of five kids at Hole 10 glare daggers at him.

Claire laughs uproariously. “Sucks to suck, old man.”

“Hey!” Dean glowers as she sinks a hole in one.

“What’s that?” Claire holds her putter up in victory. “Did you see that? Did that go in the hole? I wasn’t watching. Did the ball go in the hole?”

“Shut up, kid,” Dean grumbles as Claire smirks. “It wasn’t funny the first time.” He concentrates on his next shot. God help him if he fucks up with his ball barely half a foot from the hole.

One of the toddlers at Hole 10 lets out an ear-splitting shriek, and Dean’s ball skips off in the direction of Hole 13.

Claire doubles over laughing.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumbles as he sidesteps her to go fetch it, “Like you would’ve done any better.”

“I just did. Or did you miss my hole in one?” Claire asks from right behind him.

“I’m hungry,” Dean declares.

“Okay…?” Claire squints at him.

Dean nods to a hotdog stand by Hole 14. “Whaddya say to a dog?”

“Mystery meat at a roadside attraction that hasn’t been renovated since ‘97? Sign me up,” Claire says sarcastically.

Dean claps her on the back, just a shade too hard. “That’s the spirit.”

She stumbles but doesn't fall - exactly Dean’s plan - and glares at him. “If I get E. coli, it’s your fault.”

Once hotdogs are in hand, they sit and eat on a worn bench that’s more chipped paint than bench, facing a dinky little fountain. A few pennies glint dully from at bottom, almost obscured by the bright midday sunlight reflecting off the surface of the water.

“So,” Claire says after she takes her first bite. “You wanna tell me what this is all about?”

“What?”

“This whole distant dad trying to reconnect with his kid routine,” Claire says.

“I - I’m not your dad,” Dean stutters, face heating.

“Duh. Dad was more of Church retreat guy.” She leans back on the bench, stretching out her legs, and tilts her face up to catch more sun. “I would’ve had a better time if there was no singing and 100% more hitting things.”

Dean asks haltingly, “So you don’t think this is weird?”

“What hanging out with you?” Claire asks, her smile guileless. “I heard elder enrichment is important to prevent cognitive decline, so I’m just doing my duty.” She laughs at his disappointed frown. “Relax. This has been… great.”

“Really?”

Claire finishes off her hotdog and balls up the aluminum foil wrapper. “Yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

Dean gets up to put her trash and his in the garbage and manages to stow his broad smile before he gets back.

* * *

“Hole in one!” Dean crows at Hole 15.

“Do you want a gold star?” Claire snarks as she tees up.

“Shut up.”

Claire swings, and they both watch as her ball deftly navigates around the bumps and turns to sink neatly into the hole.

Dean’s smile falls off his face as Claire jumps around in victory. “Lucky shot,” he tells her as they troop to Hole 16.

“Uh huh,” Claire says. “And that makes, what seven lucky shots for me? And how many holes in one have you had?”

At the next hole, they have to wait for the large family ahead of them to finish up.

“Oh my god,” Claire mutters as one of the parents demonstrates how to properly swing the putter for the youngest child, “it’s minigolf. Not the Olympics.”

“I know, right?” Dean says in an undertone. “Who cares how she hits the ball? If she wants to bowl it down the course, let her.”

“Seriously, who gives a fuck?”

“I bet she’s gonna scream before they’re done with the lesson.”

“What?”

“Water works in 5… 4… 3…”

They wait with bated breath as, sure enough, the child sits down in the middle of the course and wails. She refuses to even touch the putter.

“How did you know that was gonna happen?” Claire asks as the family moves on. She eyes him critically. “High schoolers aren’t the tantrum type.”

“Shows what you know,” Dean snorts. No matter the point of spending today with Claire, he wasn’t about to tell her how he became an expert in toddler care. Christ, he can still remember the sticky feeling of Sammy’s vomit all over his front when he cried so hard he puked. Dean’s crime? Telling Sammy his favorite blanket needed to be washed. Dean hadn’t even taken it away yet.

Dean tells Claire instead, “I’ve seen more meltdowns over bad essay grades than I’d like. And it’s not like I can say, well, you should have read the damn book, Ava.”

“You wouldn’t say something like that,” Claire says as she bends down to set up her ball.

“Of course not,” Dean rolls his eyes, “that makes it worse.”

Claire straightens. “No, I’m saying, you would probably ask her why she didn’t have the time to read the book; if she’s tried the audiobook instead; if you should talk to Mr. Lafitte for her since she spent too long on Algebra and didn’t get to your homework.” She shrugs, meeting his eyes briefly. “You would do something like that.”

Dean blinks because she’s got him exactly right. He’s a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a lazy student. There are unmotivated students; there are students with undiagnosed ADHD or dyslexia; and there are anxious and/or depressed students. Hell, there are students with side-jobs, bills to pay, and little brothers to look after.

“Yeah,” he agrees, discomfited. Claire was his student for one year, but her presence in class was kind of eclipsed by her rocky home life. In senior year, she was back with her parents, but she also caught up regularly with Cas. In class, she faded into the background - Kaia’s blonde shadow. Cas’s stories provided Dean with more insight than any discussion on The Plot Against America ever did.

“All the seniors loved you,” Claire says. “Max Banes would’ve slept with you if he could.”

Dean hits his ball right into the mini sand pit. “What?”

Claire smirks. “You didn’t know?”

“No!”

“Uncle Cas was right, you are oblivious,” Claire says as she whacks her ball straight into the hole.

“Hey,” Dean says, but the protest is weak. “Cas wasn’t much better.”

Claire grins. “No one’s arguing that.” She waits until Dean’s mid-swing to say, “Max would’ve slept with Uncle Cas too - which, gross.”

“Dammit, Claire!”

* * *

“Okay,” Claire says as they walk away from Hole 18. “I’m gonna need to sit in AC for at least forty-five minutes.”

They’ve been out in the sun for nearly two hours now. Dean pulls his damp shirt away from his stomach with a grimace. “You down for pie?”

“Sure,” Claire says gratefully as they leave minigolf behind them.

In the diner, the air conditioning hits them like a bucket of cold water to the face. Claire throws herself into the first both they see as Dean troops off to relieve himself in the bathroom. He checks his phone - one grumpy text from Cas about Gabriel’s inappropriate choice of swimwear for a hotel pool - and exits with a smile on his face.

Back at the booth, Claire is twirling a lock of blonde hair around her finger, smiling coyly up at the waitress from lowered lashes. But Claire's inviting expression flips off like a switch as Dean drops down into the opposite seat.

The waitress’ own sunny smile takes on a distinctly plastic sheen at his arrival. “Hello!” she chirps as Dean picks up the menu. “Is there anything I can get you besides water?”

“Can I get a coke?” Dean asks the waitress - Maggie, according to her nametag. She’s tall, probably taller than Claire, and dark-haired. She seems around Claire's own age, so Dean would bet she’s only working here as a summer job.

Claire is still glaring daggers at him, so Dean asks, partly to be a dick, “And what’re you getting, Claire?”

“Water,” she says through gritted teeth.

“A coke and a water, please,” Dean says cheerfully to Maggie.

She bobs a nod and casts a lingering look at Claire. “I’ll be right back to take your order.”

Claire kicks him under the table as she disappears into the kitchen. “You couldn’t have waited another five minutes?” she hisses “I was just about to get her number.”

Dean grins. “My bad.”

“Now she thinks I’m here with my dad or something.” Claire crosses her arms across her chest.

Dean rolls his eyes. “You call me an old man, but I’m, what, twelve years older than you? We’re more likely to be on a date.”

Claire’s flat-out horrified face is enough to make Dean’s week. He’s still laughing as Maggie makes a return, one water and one Coca Cola in tow.

“So what can I get you both?” Maggie asks as she reaches for her pad and pen.

“One slice of cherry pie, thanks,” Dean says brightly.

“Nothing for me,” Claire mumbles.

Maggie looks from Claire to Dean and back again. “One cherry pie,” she confirms slowly. “Should I bring out two forks?”

Over Dean’s fresh bout of laughter, Claire says loudly, “We’re not together!”

Maggie blinks a few times, and Dean can’t tell if she’s more shocked by his reaction or Claire’s. “Okay.”

As she leaves, Claire buries her head in her hands. Her voice is muffled by her hands and hair, but Dean can make out, “This is all your fault.”

“How?” Dean asks as he sucks on his straw. “It’s not my fault if you’ve got no game, kid.”

Claire slumps onto the table. “I used to.”

“Stalking doesn't count as ‘game’ or else Cas and me would have gotten together way before we did,” Dean says sagely.

Still face-down on the table, Claire flips him the bird.

“Have you spoken to Kaia lately?”

Claire doesn’t move for a long moment. When she finally raises her head, her expression is pinched. “Not since Spring Break last year. She was doing good, I guess.”

Awkwardly, Dean says, “It’s okay if you’re still hung up on her.”

Claire waves his assurances away. “It’s been a whole fucking year."

Dean sighs. “These things can take time. You were with her while a lot was going on in your life, and she was there for you through all of it. Just ’cause you're young doesn’t mean it meant less. But if you want to move on, sometimes you don’t have to wait until you’re 100% ready.”

“Thanks, Senpai.”

Maggie approaches carrying a large slice of cherry pie.

“Here you go,” Maggie says as she sets the plate down. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Nothing for me,” Dean butts in before Claire can get a word in edgewise, “But Claire, here, would like your number.”

Maggie goes bright red.

“Dean,” Claire hisses, completely mortified. “What the fuck?” She turns to Maggie. “Forget what he said. He’s a moron who doesn't know what he’s talking about.”

Maggie glances to Dean before settling back on Claire. “So… you don’t want it?”

Claire splutters, “I - no - yes, but not if-” She takes a breath, clearly trying to compose herself. “Yes, I would like your number. But not because he said so.”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Dean fishes out his wallet and takes out a five. “It won’t affect your tip,” he says with a wink as he shoves the bill under the napkin dispenser.

Maggie bites her lip. “I’ll think about it.”

Once Maggie’s left, Claire leans over the table and punches Dean, hard, in the arm. “Oh my god, are you actually braindead?”

“Hey, watch the pie!” Dean yanks his plate closer, out of Claire’s line of fire.

“What on earth possessed you to do that?” Claire demands.

Dean eyes his pie, planning his perfect plan of attack. “You needed a push in the right direction.”

Claire’s eyes flash. “I don’t need your help.”

“Tough luck, because you got it anyway,” Dean says with a shrug as portions off his first bite. “You’re only here for the summer. You don’t have the time to pine from across the softball field for a whole season.”

Claire frowns, saying warily, “I know Maggie isn’t Kaia.”

Dean points his fork, dripping with pie filling at her face. “So you gotta try a new strategy.”

“How?”

“Well, get yourself a capable wingman, for starters,” Dean says around his next bite of pie.

“Who? You?” Claire asks incredulously.

“Probably not,” Dean says, shuddering at the thought. He’d intervened with Maggie because was fucking funny as hell to see Claire get Cas-levels of awkward, but scoping out any more romantic prospects for Claire makes him feel sleazy. “I’m more of a pinch hitter.”

“What?”

“You really didn’t pay attention to a single softball game, did you?” Dean says, almost impressed.

Claire glares.

“They’re the guys called in last minute to fill in for a batter,” Dean says. He shovels the last bit of pie into his mouth, saying, “Did you keep in touch with Krissy?”

Claire shakes her head. “They were all Kaia’s friends first, so…”

“She got them in the divorce?” Dean says sympathetically.

Claire nods, her expression darkening.

“I know she’s back home for the summer too, taking care of her dad,” Dean says. “I bet she could use someone to hang with - if you ever get bored coding from our couch. Data entry for Charlie can’t be that exciting. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Claire rolls her eyes. “You don’t need to set up playdates for me, Dean.”

Dean shrugs. “Suit yourself. But none of Krissy’s other friends are back home - Josephine’s abroad, and the rest of ‘em are staying in their college towns.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Dean nods. That��s probably as good as he’ll ever get with Claire - she’s not the type to gratefully accept help. She’s more likely to complain to his face while going behind his back and doing it anyway. Which, fine, if it gets Claire out of their apartment and out of her funk.

On their way out, Maggie leaves her number on their receipt.

* * *

Claire slams the Impala door shut and relaxes in the passenger seat. “Well that was fun,” she says sarcastically as Dean twists around to pull out of the parking lot without mowing down an unfortunate 1999 Toyota Camry. “Let’s do that again soon.”

“Really?” Dean asks. At her blank stare, he adds, “I never know with you. Did you really have a good time?”

She fiddles with her seatbelt, biting her lip. “I won’t say this again, so cherish this moment: today was not the worst day I’ve ever had.” She huffs out a long breath. “It was almost fun, if you forget that shit in the diner.”

Dean laughs. “I’ll take it, I guess.” He taps his fingers against the wheel as he waits for an opening in traffic to merge onto the highway. “I’m glad.”

“Me too,” Claire mutters, so low he can barely hear her.

Dean lets the noise of the road take over for a few minutes: the reassuring rattling of the toy soldiers in the back air vent; his baby’s engine purring like a dream; the low ambient hum of her tires carrying them across miles of pavement.

Once he’s as calm as he’s gonna get, he says, “I have a question for you.”

Claire shoots him a look. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Dean shouldn’t have bothered asking. She really is incapable of being anything other than a teenager.

“I’m thinking of asking Cas to marry me,” Dean says quickly. As Claire absorbs his words, his heart kicks up to double-time, hammering away in his chest. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Why are you asking me?” Her eyebrows are drawn together in that same furrow that Cas always has whenever a student stumps him with a question.

“Because you’re his family.” He’s honestly surprised he has to say this part out loud.

“Shouldn’t you be asking Grandmother instead?” Claire asks.

Dean shakes his head. “Cas doesn’t care about her opinion - or Jimmy’s.”

Claire takes another long moment to think that over. “So… are you, what, asking my permission?”

“Yep.”

“To marry my uncle.”

Dean shoots her a look. “I really don’t think the concept is that hard to understand.” Claire’s a smart kid. She’s probably drawing it out on purpose.

“Yeah, but -” Claire breaks off, “It’s weird, though.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You literally called me a weird old man yesterday.”

“But… not this weird.”

“It’s a yes or no question, Claire,” Dean reminds her testily.

Claire waves him off. “I mean, yes, obviously, but what the hell?” Her eyes narrow, accusatory. “Is this why you made me do this weird bonding thing with you today?”

“I -” Dean stutters. “I didn’t make you-”

“It is!” Claire crows. “Were you thinking about it for all 18 holes?”

“No,” Dean says shortly.

“I don’t believe you.” Claire grins. “Were you nervous?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I’m calling BS again. You gotta work on that poker face.” She sits back in her seat, her smugness practically radiating off her in waves.

Dean has the strangest urge to hug her.

Claire lets her hair fall over her face as she picks at her nails. “Just so you know,” she starts in an undertone, “I know it was you who convinced Uncle Cas to take me in. Back in high school.”

“Cas wanted to be there for you,” Dean says quickly, “He just didn’t know how. Honestly,” he says with a laugh, “Cas was scared he’d piss you off more, and then where would you go?”

“Really?” Claire asks, surprised.

Dean nods. “The guy is a great teacher, but he’s not great with kids if there isn’t a desk between them, you know? He's been working on it, though. Having you around taught him a lot.”

“That makes sense,” Claire says, almost to herself. “Anyway, I’ve only really known Uncle Cas while you were together. It’d be more weird if you didn’t get married.”

Dean doesn’t bother turning on the turn signal as he pulls over to the side of the road.

“What the-?” Claire starts, twisting in her seat to look out the window. “Why’d you - oof.”

Dean wraps his arms around her, squeezing tightly.

“Ugh,” she groans, “You smell.” But she hugs him back anyway.

#fanfic #supernatural fanfic #profoundnet #offscreen destiel #established destiel #claire novak #dean winchester #snark #banter #so much snark and banter #destiel fanfic #destiel #the story of us verse #rae writes fic

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years ago

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hey, stardust anon again! First of all, I want to thank you for saying those words on the last ask I sent you. It really made me feel validated. After that, I told my dad that I wasn't ready to give him another chance as I'm still really sad and angry about the way he last talked to me. He said it was fine, but now, 3 months later he contacted my mom again. He somehow figured out my plans for the future and wants to help me financially. I've always dreamed of moving out to another country and I've been saving money for 8 years now but I'm still not even close to getting there. I'm unemployed and my mom barely has enough money to pay the house bills. My dad retired from the military at a very high position so he has money for days. I never asked him anything aside from my alimony bc I never had any contact with him and I felt bad being a "gold digger" yknow. But now HE wants to help ME. I can't help but wonder what are his intentions? like, is he trying to buy my trust back? idk. I even wondered if maybe he's doing this because he's a pastor and as he almost died he thought he wasn't going to heaven or whatever, some religious thing. I just can't put my mind in the thought that maybe he actually changed and wants to help me out of love. He never loved me, never did anything out of love for me. Why now? Anyway, my mom and her side of the family all think I should accept the money as it's not a big deal on his bank account and it could seriously change my life. His side of the family thinks that if I accept the money but not him, I'm selfish and only using him for his money. And honestly I dont know what I think and what I should do... I want to accept bc I could finally move out but I dont want him in my life, so idk. What do you think? What would you do? - 💫

Previous ask

Hi again :) I'm glad to have helped and that you were able to establish that boundary with him!

I definitely think it's wise to question what his intentions are for helping you now when he hasn't helped you more than strictly necessary since you were born, and to not trust that he's suddenly changed and is doing this solely because he wants to help you.

On the other hand, I don't think his intentions matter—in that I don't think you would owe him anything after accepting his money regardless of his intentions. His side of the family can think whatever they want, but it wouldn't be selfish to accept his money but not him. As you said, you never asked for his money: he offered it. When you offer someone something, that doesn't make you entitled to anything you might want from them in return, does it? Think of another similar situation: if one person offers to buy another a drink, or pays their dinner on a date, does that mean the other person now owes them sex, and is selfish if they're not willing to give that? No, of course not, right? It's not different when it comes to parents—especially absent/toxic/abusive parents.

You asked what I'd do in your situation, and the truth is I also still get some money from my abuser. Back when I first had to deal with the whole "still getting money from her despite cutting her out" issue, one thing my therapist told me was, if my mother ever tries to use the fact she gives me money as a reason I should keep her in my life, to establish a clear boundary: “I am not accepting you in my life. If you don't want to give me money under that circumstance, then don't. If you do want to keep giving me money, go on, and thank you, but know you're doing it because you choose to, not because I asked you to. I don't owe you anything back.”

Our situations are very different, nonnie, so I can't tell you whether what worked for me will work for you. But I think, when making your decision, you should take into account whether you have the resources, external support, and mental strength to establish this sort of hard boundary with him and defend it if necessary. You also have to consider the fact his side of the family will resent you. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself, not what others will think is right, and you're absolutely allowed to ignore those people's opinions, but depending on the kind of people they are and the mental place you're at, their resentment could take a toll on you, so that's why I'm suggesting keeping that in mind. And if you do end up accepting his money, please, please work hard on reminding yourself of what I said in the first half of this reply: you do not owe him anything back. That means nothing. Not even replying to a call. Not a hello if you cross him in the street. Definitely not meeting him again or giving him any sort of chance. The more you internalise this, the easier it'll be to establish boundaries and the harder it'll be for him to guilt-trip you if he tries, because you'll know you've done nothing to feel guilty about.

I also think you should be wary about him "somehow figuring out" your plans for the future, because it could be a sign he's been looking for weaknesses or ways to have control over you. Be especially wary if he's offering to give you money monthly/every set amount of time instead of just once, because if that's the case, he knows you'll depend on his money to stay abroad, and he could potentially threaten to turn off the tap if you don't do what he wants.

Good luck with whatever you decide! Sending all my support your way ❤️

#Stardust anon #stardust anon #Ask #Toxic father #Absent father #Guilt tripping tw

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 4 years ago

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If There’s A Place I Could Be - Chapter Forty Three

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

March 12th, 1998

There wasn’t anything hugely important about it. It wasn’t Remy’s birthday, or Christmas, or any other holiday. It was just a regular day, and that was what made this so special. Toby had come home from school with a tiny recipe book which he had given to Remy. “Obviously, that’s not the end-all be-all of recipe books, but it’s something to start you off so you’re not stuck with ramen every time Mom makes you cook your own lunch or dinner.”

Remy looked at the book in his hands almost reverently, and grinned. “Thanks, Tobes!” he exclaimed. “This looks like it’ll be a huge help! Making ramen is kinda relaxing, but it does get old after a while. This will help a lot.”

Toby gave him a smile and a one-armed hug. “I’m glad you like it. Now, I gotta scram and figure out how to explain to Mom why I need a ride to my girlfriend’s house, but I hope that sometime soon we could try a recipe in there together.”

Remy was touched. “Yeah, I’d love that,” he said.

September 11th, 2001

It started with a ripple but soon tore into the entire coffee shop. They had seen it on the news, gotten a call from someone who knew someone who was involved. The Twin Towers were going down in flames. The Pentagon had been attacked. Everyone was bustling around, talking about it, trying to call loved ones to make sure they were all right, trying to get their coffee fast so they could pick up their kids from school and hug them tight and never let go. Remy’s head was reeling as he heard the news. He didn’t live near New York City, and Washington DC wasn’t a hop skip and a jump away, but it was still startling to hear about.

Startling was an understatement, but Remy didn’t have the words to describe what he felt. He scratched the back of his neck as he continued working on his shift. He had a job to do, no matter how much he didn’t want to do it. He worked and worked, making coffee after coffee and passing out pastries as needed, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep well tonight.

At the end of his shift, Remy had just hung up his apron and Emile walked in, looking dazed. He took one look at Remy and pulled him in for a tight hug, which Remy desperately returned. “You heard the news?” Emile asked.

“Yeah. Obviously, you did too,” Remy said.

“Mhm,” Emile confirmed, voice sounding small, and scared, and uncertain, and that terrified Remy to no end.

They broke apart and Remy said, “Let’s just go home.”

“Yeah,” Emile agreed.

They got in Emile’s car, but Emile wasn’t starting it. Remy looked at him. “Emile? You okay?”

Emile stared at his lap and shook his head. “This has me thinking...” he started, but stopped. “I just want...” Another beat. “I don’t want to miss my chance with you.”

“What do you mean?” Remy asked, heart starting to beat harder.

“I mean...I mean life is short, and we never know when it’s going to end. I don’t want to land in an early grave without telling you that I love you,” Emile said. “Because I do. I do love you, Rem, more than words can say. That’s why I fought back so hard when you said what you did. It hurt more coming from you than anyone else. I don’t...I don’t want to live without you, Rem. I want you by my side. And as more than a friend. I want...I want to love you for the rest of our lives, however long or short that may be. And I know commitment is scary, but...there’s no one else I’d rather commit to.”

Remy stared at Emile in shock. “You’re saying that you’d, like, marry me?” he asked.

“Hypothetically. One day. If you wanted. Not right now, obviously, I’m not proposing, but...I want to be your boyfriend, with the option of maybe, one day, being your husband,” Emile said. He turned pink. “Is that weird?”

Remy leaned over and kissed Emile softly, but with every ounce of adoration and desperation he felt combined. Emile kissed back, placing a hand at the nape of Remy’s neck. When they pulled apart, Emile lightly squeezed the back of Remy’s neck. “I take it that’s a yes, then,” Emile said.

“Definitely. Yes,” Remy agreed. “I really want to be with you, too.”

Emile offered Remy a shy smile and they finally drove home. Remy squirmed where he sat, clearing his throat. “Kim was going to be moving her practice the week after this one,” he said. “I’m not sure if she’ll be doing that anymore.”

“Well, we can always find someone else in the area,” Emile offered.

Remy shook his head. “No offence, Emile, but I think I’ve made all the progress that I can make. At least, right now, you know? I know not to dump everything on you, and I have coping strategies for when the uh...the flashbacks pop up, and I know how to be a little more open-minded to other people’s experiences. I don’t want to rehash everything with an entirely new therapist, when I don’t exactly need one, you know? Other people need that time more than I do, and besides, I think I’m mostly well adjusted other than a few...uh...hiccups.”

“Obviously, I can’t force you to go to therapy,” Emile said reluctantly. “And we’re not in a position where if you don’t go I risk seriously hurting myself helping you. But I do wish you’d reconsider.”

“I know you do,” Remy said. “And I get it, really. But when it comes down to it, I’m just...I know I’ve said it before...but I don’t need a therapist, Emile. I don’t think I’m cured, but I do think that I’ve processed everything that can be processed at this point in time.”

“Therapy isn’t just for processing trauma, it can help you with the little things, too,” Emile pointed out.

“Well, yeah, but what little things are there, other than our occasional fight and my occasional stress over work? Those don’t happen often, like I said, and other people need that time more than I do,” Remy said.

“I don’t want to start an argument,” Emile said as they pulled into the parking lot. “I just request that you keep it in the back of your mind. Sound good?”

Remy nodded. “Yeah. That’s fine.”

“You’re going to forget this conversation even happened by tomorrow, aren’t you?” Emile asked knowingly.

“Probably,” Remy agreed. “Anything I don’t want to address I just bite the bullet if I have to or else I ignore it until it goes away.”

“That’s not very healthy,” Emile said, voice pitched just a little too high to be normal.

“You can’t exactly stop me,” Remy sang at the same pitch.

“I know,” Emile sighed. “And I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes you really do worry me, Rem.”

“I know,” Remy said softly. “And I appreciate the fact that you care. But I can handle a lot of things well on my own, remember?”

“Yeah,” Emile said. “Although that stomach flu you had last week was not one of those things.”

Remy pulled a face. “Tell me about it. I’m just glad I got a clean bill of health on Friday. We need the money for rent.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me that money is tight, please,” Emile groaned. “I’m stressed enough.”

“Today is a stressful day,” Remy replied simply.

An awkward silence hung over them as they stepped into the apartment and put their things away. Emile came out of his room around the same time Remy did, and they looked at each other uncertainly. “We already know what’s going to happen if we turn on the TV, don’t we?” Emile asked.

“Unfortunately,” Remy sighed.

The silence took over again. Emile cleared his throat. “Want to drown our sorrows in cartoons?”

Another long pause. “...Sure, why not.”

Emile grabbed some movie or another, Remy wasn’t really paying attention, and he settled on the floor seeing as how they had yet to get a TV stand and therefore buying chairs wouldn’t help them whatsoever. Emile put the movie in and settled next to Remy. Remy scooted closer. Emile looked over at him curiously. Remy took Emile’s arm and wrapped it around his shoulder, nuzzling into Emile’s side. “You’re just a giant cat,” Emile said with a fond smile.

Remy stuck his tongue out at Emile and Emile laughed. “You even do the tongue thing! You’re a cat!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Remy said, but he was smiling and nuzzling further into Emile.

Emile laughed softly and pressed a kiss into Remy’s hair. “Shh, the movie is starting,” Emile said.

Remy rolled his eyes and rested his head on Emile’s shoulder, feeling thoroughly exhausted. This was why he was letting Emile putting on some movies and cartoons for them both. He didn’t have the mental energy or the will to watch normal TV, his brain wouldn’t comprehend words on the page like they normally would when reading a book, and he hadn’t slept soundly since Emile and him had broken up. Even when he was sick with a stomach flu, his sleep would be interrupted by vomiting or fever or chills. He hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a month, so having cartoons on to watch if he could even stay awake made things simpler. Easier to follow. Low-stakes games that didn’t feel rushed or forced. It was dumb, but it was comforting.

Well, no, it wasn’t dumb, purely because it was comforting. It was why Remy reread his favorite comics, why he reread books when he knew the ending. Everything turned out all right in the end; he didn’t have to worry about the characters dying an unforeseen death or really going through anything he couldn’t handle, because he had been through it all already. He knew what was going to happen. And Emile derived similar comfort from cartoons.

...Huh. That explained a lot. And also made Remy feel a bit like a dick for not understanding that for a year.

Emile shifted underneath Remy and Remy opened his eyes. When had he closed them? “Hey, sleepyhead,” Emile lightly teased. “I need to pee. You mind?”

“Hm? Mm-mm,” Remy hummed, sitting upright.

Emile put a hand on Remy’s shoulder and offered him a smile, a murmured, “I’ll be right back,” and a gentle squeeze.

Remy watched Emile go and leaned back against the wall. He looked at the TV, which had been turned off. Apparently, he had slept through the entire movie. Whoops.

Emile walked back over to him and leaned against the wall. “Do you want to head to the shelter to help out tonight?”

“Wouldn’t we miss dinner?” Remy asked.

“There’s ways to help out other than cooking. Childcare, helping people with paperwork for food stamps and such, or even helping with finances, either the shelter’s or the individual people there,” Emile said. “Usually the childcare dies down after dinner, but when the kids’ parents have to talk about something serious, someone has to keep the kids occupied. And besides, we might not get there before dinner wraps up, but it never hurts to just talk to Bernie and see what he might need help with in the future.”

“True,” Remy allowed, stretching his legs. “I’m just not full of energy at the moment.”

“Yeah, but that’s why we should go. Most people won’t, and they might not help today, when lots of people will need help.”

“I know,” Remy agreed, standing. “We’d better get going if we want to be there soon, though.”

Emile offered Remy a thankful smile and Remy offered him a hopeful one back. They had been on good terms again, falling back into their old routine like nothing had happened. Though Remy couldn’t deny there was a certain shift in the dynamics since their fight. As he grabbed his jacket, he wondered if it was just what had happened today that made Emile behave differently, or if this would stay. The fact that they resumed dating would definitely remain, but Remy found he liked this new feeling. It wasn’t like they weren’t equals in their relationship before, but something seemed a little different about today. They seemed like...partners.

Obviously, they had been partners before. That was how relationships worked. But more than the sense of partners in crime. More than the sense of passionate declarations of love, or simple lingering touches on each other’s bodies when they wanted to discreetly show affection. This partnership felt like it would last through fights, through trouble, through any and everything. Even through a break up. Remy felt like this partnership wasn’t just something between him and Emile romantically. If he inspected it closely, he was a little surprised to find that it ran deeper than romance, deeper than platonic love. This was a bond he hadn’t experienced before. It wasn’t a familial bond, but it felt similar. Like he and Emile had somehow always known each other and never wanted to be without each other in their lives. It was cliché, but Remy could have sworn that...this was what soulmates should have felt like.

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings / the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''this is the kingdom'' by skillet

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transjoyblog · 4 years ago

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The Many Astonishing Ways Abuse Can Affect Your Money

Photo by Darío Martínez-Batlle on Unsplash

People will use money, and your need of it, to manipulate you in various ways. Some are relatively harmless, and extremely common i.e. an otherwise neglectful parent buying their child lunch to get some time with them. However, some are more nefarious, and insidious. Here are a few common tactics people regularly use to control you financially:

Manipulation- This category is comprised of various types of manipulation including emotional appeal, constant desperation, and the use of younger siblings/dependent adults i.e. grandma against you.

Most everyone has been on the receiving end of an emotional appeal before. We use this to declare our love for each other, ask someone we have hurt for forgiveness, and so many other very positive interactions. But emotional appeal is also regularly used to try to influence a reluctant person to continue offering support with which they have become uncomfortable. A common use of emotional manipulation is for the dependent person to respond with an outburst of anger when support is threatened. They may genuinely feel that they have a right to be angry, and that may in fact be true, but that doesn't change the fact that the person providing support also has a right to their feelings, and ultimately, to their own time, energy, and money.

Another type of tactic that is very similar and often used in conjunction with emotional appeal, is for the person receiving support to be in a constant state of desperation. This person will often come to you at the end of the month to say, "Can I just borrow a couple hundred to get us through the month? I'll pay you pack the second I get paid." This is essentially asking for a payday loan from you, which we all know, is just a cycle of debt that actually benefits no one. This type of manipulation can be difficult to extract yourself from because there is probably a genuine need. However, it is ridiculous to expect anyone to loan you money on a frequent basis. If you cannot support your lifestyle on your own, reduce your lifestyle to the best of your ability.

If you have dependent family members, constant desperation becomes all that more effective. If grandma is on a fixed income, and Timmy is only 12 years old, they come with fixed expenses. Anyone knows this. And therefore, anyone should be able to plan for these expenses. If you are not living in the home, you are not responsible for grandma, or baby brother. I know this sounds harsh, and if the need is true, you can always offer other material support such as taking baby brother school clothes shopping, or asking only grandma what she might need from the store. But you do not need to provide money to people who may or may not be spending it in the way that they say they are.

Use of access to credit- Directly taking money out of an account they have access to, taking out a credit card in your name (or a joint one, if married) and using it indiscriminately or without permission.

My father was a big fan of this type of control. By the time my mother left him after 8 years of abuse, he had taken out something like 13 joint credit cards and run them all up to the limit. Not to mention all of the cards he took out in only his name or my mother's. He used my mother's maiden name and social security number to take out cards without her knowledge. He then chose to reveal the existence of these cards in moments when my mother was seriously considering leaving, claiming that if she left she would have nowhere to go because he had ruined her credit. This is obviously abusive behavior and should not be tolerated in any relationship, whether that is a relationship between adults, or a parent/child relationship. If you find yourself in a situation even close to this one, I highly recommend contacting the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org), as they may be able to provide concrete guidance on how to challenge behaviors like these in court.

Another form of manipulation could be pressuring you to take out a card and let someone else use it. This has actually happened to someone I know. Their parents put a lot of pressure on this person, basically the minute they turned 18, to take out a credit card in their name and let the parents use it, and pay it off. Or so they said. Ultimately, they were not able to make the payments on it, even the minimums, and destroyed this child's credit. The parents also convinced this child to take out payday loans in this child's name, and then just "loan" them the money. Please do not fall for this. This is manipulation, pure and simple. No reasonable person asks another to take out a loan for them, regardless of if you can afford it, or if they'll pay you back right away. Forget it. Any money loaned out is not a loan. You should be comfortable with the concept of never seeing that money back, and it should be an amount of money that you can afford to never see again. Regardless of how close you are, if not getting paid back would ruin your relationship with this person, you cannot afford to lend them money.

Monitoring- Keeping track of how you spend money, not allowing you a say in the family finances, or being cagey with their personal finances, while expecting you to be completely forthright with yours, usually perpetrated under the guise of "handling the finances", are all tactics that many people in long term relationships use to control their partner(s) or sometimes parents use to control their young adult children. This behavior can usually be spotted early on in the relationship.

1. Do they check up on you when they know you have other things to do?

2. Do they expect an unreasonable level of communication?

3. Do they ask to move in together pretty quickly? (This can be a tactic to more fully control your environment, or to begin the process of isolation, or dependence.)

4. Do they regularly ask for small sums of money, and always pay you back? (This can be a way to warm you up to the idea of giving them access to your accounts, or to loaning them large sums of money, which they will likely never pay back.)

5. Have they asked to share bills or accounts early on in the relationship, or before you have moved in together? (This could be a dependence or control tactic, because if they are on the account they are entitled to control and monitoring of the account, whether that is a cell phone bill, or a bank account.)

This is just a small selection of the types of questions that could come up as you negotiate the financial terms of your long term relationships. There are tons of questions that pertain to specific situations, people, and relationships. A great rule of thumb is to ask yourself whether you can communicate regularly, openly, and safely about your feelings with this person. If you do not have solid communication, trust, and safety with any person, they do not deserve access to or control of your financial life.

"Losing ambition" or other types of dependence- This can best be described as someone depending on your money while refusing to work when otherwise able - and this one comes with a huge caveat. Many people are truly dependent, and truly cannot work or find work for reasons beyond their control. But this needs to be communicated. Usually, the people who use dependence as a tactic to control you do not keep a regular conversation about finances going because that would reveal the extent of their use and abuse. My fiancee is pretty much entirely dependent on my income due to a chronic illness. I do not resent this because we have had tons and tons of conversations about our finances, and she has her own money and bank account. She contributes as best she can around the house, and constantly has ambitions of making her own money. She even buys me dinner sometimes. She is still driven and ambitious, it has just had to change in scope and degree from where she was before she was ill. That being said, refusing to work, find work, or otherwise contribute around the house can be a way to manipulate you into continuing to take care of someone. Keeping themselves dependent on you can make you second guess your desire to leave because "What would happen to them, they aren't working, I'm the only one paying the rent, where would they go?" This is a spiral that they want you to have because as long as they have nothing, you have to stay with them. The way to deal with this behavior is to do your best to sit with them and discuss their goals, what plans they have of achieving them, and how you and your money fit into that picture. Both parties should come to an agreement that feels ok for both parties. This will not feel good, do not expect it to. But this plan should offer both of you some level of psychological relief, and guidance on what the next steps could be for the dependent person. If someone is resistant to making substantive change in themselves and their lives, when they are otherwise completely capable of doing so, you do not need to feel responsible for their life, even if they do not feel responsible for it themselves. At this point you are forced to accept that this person is resistant to change right now, and will probably continue their pattern of behavior and manipulation regardless of anything you may or may not do. So, it would be in your best interest to distance yourself from the dependent person as much as possible. Ultimately, I encourage everyone to seek the professional help of a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist whenever possible. It always helps to have an objective lens through which to view a difficult situation such as manipulation or abuse.

Actionable Advice:

1. If you take nothing else from this article, always remember the 3 C's: Consent Communication Consideration. - Every partner in any relationship has a right to these three C's.

2. Protect yourself - we are raised to extend our trust, love, and vulnerability to the people who are closest to us, but this does not take into account the reality of toxic relationships and family members.

3. Educate yourself - Continue to advance your knowledge of personal finance and relationships. None of us are perfect. We all have gaps in our understanding, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and getting along with others. Kindergarten can't teach us everything.

#personal finance #family finances #relationship #family #educateyourself

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saphinc · 4 years ago

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a guide to working in a group home !!

i absolutely love my job and the things i’ve learned from it. if you’re looking for a unique job for your next character , try this! it could also help if your character is living in / has lived in a group home! but take it with a grain of salt , because this is one house , in one company , in one state in one country! and lastly , my inbox is always open for questions! because there’s a lot i couldn’t fit in here.

terminology !

behaviors : problematic / unhealthy things that individuals do (ex: stealing, verbally abusing others, isolating )

skills : healthy things we encourage them to do , that they have expressed / signed off as something they want to work on (ex: cooking, walking, eating )

dbt : stands for dialectical behavioral therapy. this is group therapy where therapists teach individuals coping skills and distress tolerance. every client we have has to graduate dbt class and be in individual therapy , it’s in the contract.

charting : when members of the staff team write out a complete summary of each client during / at the end of their shift.

s.o. house : mental health group home for sex offenders. two of the three homes in my cluster are s.o. homes. they aren’t allowed to be around my clients.

dsp / ps / pd : direct support professional / program supervisor / program director ( more on these later ).

elope : when a client runs away or sneaks out and we don’t know where they are.

cluster : the group of houses under a pd’s direction. usually 3-5 houses.

prn : as needed medication , something that is not prescribed such as tylenol.

some quick etiquette : we call the people living in our group home with mental health, clients or individuals when we’re referring to them. when speaking to them or amongst each other we’ll call them by their initials.

general info !

when i say group home , it is literally a house. in the middle of a normal neighborhood. we’re the only group home on our block.

there are so many types ok. i work at a home for vulnerable adults with mental health. some of my co-workers come from homes with only nonverbal clients , from hospice homes , from homes with individuals with traumatic brain injuries or physical disabilities working to recover or having no one else to help them.

i have four clients that live in my group home. that is the max for my house ; others can hold more. they filter in and out. one of my clients has been in this group home for seven years. one just moved in last december.

they each have their own bedroom. they get to choose the paint for their walls and can decorate it however they want.

funding sucks. the pay sucks , most of our furniture & appliances are outdated. we have to buy the cheapest food possible to meet our budget , and the house is not in great condition. we get by , but the mental health field doesn’t have a lot of money.

our goal overall , for each client , is to get them out of here. we support them when they can’t support themselves , lift them up , help them learn coping skills & life skills until they’re equipped for independence and can move out.

my home is a 24 hour awake group home. we have to have a staff there , awake , 24 hours a day. other houses in our cluster have staff there all times of the day, but they can sleep during that time ( they pay is different of course ).

job structure !

alright , i can’t repeat it enough: this is just my company. i don’t know what the structure is like in others!

i’m at the lowest level , the least paid , but the most interaction and contact with clients : the direct support professional / mental health caretaker! i love it and wouldn’t want to take on any of the other jobs.

some of my jobs include : cooking for clients , cleaning the home , driving them places , sitting in on their therapy , mediating conflicts , teaching them coping skills , talking them through stressful times , helping them find resources. i am with them every second of my shift. they know me and the other dsps the best.

technically , there are SUPPOSED to be two dsps in the house at all times , but my house is really understaffed so we have three dsps , one for each shift , and the program supervisor is on sight with one of the dsps most of the time. the ps does: anything involving our clients’ finances , cleaning up biohazard things ,

above me, my boss, is the program supervisor. my direct boss. i don’t know how it works in other group homes but i work very closely with my ps. like i said , it might just because we’re understaffed and she’s with us all day everyday.

above them is the program director. my boss’s boss. i highly do not recommend this job. if your character has it , they are probably a very grumpy and broke person with no life outside of work. my pd is on call 24 hours a day and gets paid on salary. so , yeah. 0/10.

next is the area director , the ad. they are the boss of all the pds in a particular area. i’m not positive but i think there are four pds with their own clusters , under my area director. they usually do the hiring and communicate with the pd to negotiate , mediate and give permission for certain things.

and finally , the regional director. the regional director is in charge of 3-5 different area directors. they’re busy. we RARELY see them or hear from them. not quite sure what they do to be honest.

i do NOT know if there’s anything between this position and ceo. i have met the regional director only twice. and that’s just because the area director was on maternity leave + our house is high behavioral / violent.

the job !

we go through TONS of training. primarily first aid , self defense / holds / , 4-8 hour seminars on each disorder in our homes and de-escalation. we get certifications of this and every year we have to renew them and go through the entire trainings again..

my job is to mediate , caretake and entertain but i also have to track. u need an EXCELLENT memory for this job. and hey , i have a horrible memory so i use about half a stack of post it notes per day. it’s possible!

that being said , we track everything. the more descriptive the better. we write down notable things they said , what they were doing at what times , what prns they take during shift , what their mood is , what they eat. everything. we write it down and track it in the computer. the pd review the notes everyday.

individuals !

ok so my clients mainly come from two places: the hospital or jail. usually they are admitted into a group home program as a last resort because their families can’t take care of them or understand them.

when clients move out, it is usually to two places: the hospital or their own place. you can work with a client for months and they’ll end up losing it & being kicked out of the program / arrested. we like the other option better.

there are such a wide variety of disorders in the homes. my clients range from a constant state of psychosis from their schizophrenia , to an autistic epileptic with an intellectual disability , to a narcissistic kleptomaniac.

my clients have done terrible things in the past. when you learn of these things , you might look at them differently. a lot of staff quit after finding certain things out ( clients’ past crimes or traumas ) or seeing certain behaviors ( violence , eloping ). but here’s the thing: they are sick. there’s a reason they’re with us / in the hospital instead of jail. they did these things when their state of mind was NOT right. it is so important to separate them from what they’ve done or endured. we can’t be biased in this profession.

dynamics !

there’s drama between clients. oh , there is. i have two clients who are very close. they team up on the other clients by intimidating them or straight up bullying them. we as staff have to interfere with this behavior and protect the clients from each other. but yeah. there’s drama.

they’ll hurt each other. they hurt us. my boss was shanked once. it happens.

i mentioned this earlier but we don’t ( and can’t ) hold this against them. we can’t hold grudges because it is their mental health that makes them act out and that’s why they are receiving our help.

we do get compensated for injuries and broken property ( glasses, etc )

we can and do call the police on our clients. they can and do call the police on us. one time a client called the cops on us because we were making fish for dinner. the police are very familiar with our house.

there are very strict boundaries between staff and clients , but some of us are with them all day every day. it’s natural that connections will form. but technically , we are not supposed to. but it always hurts when one of them graduates or leaves the program. it’s a really emotionally draining job in that way.

health !

we’re the first to get hit with pandemics. those long-term housing facilities you hear about getting covid ? yeah. that’s us.

group homes have lost their minds over the virus. i could write a whole guide on that alone , and the differences in another. what you should know is we take health risks VERY seriously. these are vulnerable adults. they will be the first to die of these diseases.

i won’t sugarcoat it ; most of my clients are not clean. they do not take care of themselves in terms of grooming or hygeine. this is for a couple reasons

the main being that this is their mental health. they either can’t / won’t get out of bed , are paranoid / afraid of it , or just hate us as staff and refuse to do anything we suggest no matter how good it might be for them.

the second ? we can’t drag them into the bathroom and make them wash their hands or shower. they do what they want , all we can do is make frequent suggestions for their health. we cannot force them to do ANYTHING. more on this later.

there are group homes that need to do toileting and bathing for their clients. we don’t at mine because we’re not a home for disabilities , but that means it stinks all the time and we go through a lot of febreeze.

laws !

it’s their house, not staff’s. we get to the house , clock in, start our shift and leave when it’s over. we do the cleaning , the cooking , the shopping. but it is their house. they are paying rent for it.

we can’t force them to do anything. we can’t make them eat , we can’t make them take their meds , we can’t make them go anywhere. they have the right to refuse anything they want. and some of them will push our buttons just to see what will happen. the truth is ? we don’t care. we get to go home at the end of the day. it doesn’t affect us if they do or don’t do something , they’ll reap the consequences ( ie. getting fired if they stop going to work , being visited by the doctor if they refuse meds etc )

they have more rights than us. part of the reason tracking is so important is to save our own asses. if my client gets sunburned while i’m working and i don’t note that i offered sunscreen and they refused? i can get in HUGE trouble because that is neglect. we’ve lost many employees this way.

some clients have more restrictions than others. one of my clients has phone restrictions due to impulsive behavior, so we have to monitor her calls. the others can take the phone into their rooms and be private no problem.

writing !

if you’re writing a character who works in a group home , there is one absolutely essentially trait that they need to have to be successful in their job at a group home: patience. mental health clients can be vindictive , manipulative and downright bullies but we can by NO means retaliate , lose our temper with them , or hold grudges in anyway. we are de-escalating and talking calmly , every moment of our shift. that is SUPER important.

i touched on this a bit earlier , but this job is draining. you got pushed around & treated like crap by your clients everyday , cook & clean for them , etc. the pay sucks and the hours are long. if your character works here ? they are probably very tired. it’s hard not to bring the work home. you really do get attached.

#rpc #rph #writing guide #this is an absolute mess in terms of #organization BUT #i'm still happy with it.#the graphic ?!?!?! not so much shut up #exhales #mine.#character guide.#group homes.#occupation guide.

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anyu-blue · 4 years ago

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Busy as a bee

*sigh*

I had this big long thing typed up.. it's all gone now. That's twice it's happened. Let's see if third time's the charm.

It was about my trying to figure out how to talk about the shit I've been going through without just dumping it all on someone and having it be totally unjustified too...

I'm mad at my dad. I'm mad at Tevs... I'm mad at myself.

Basically...I'm frustrated that I'm seen as so much lesser than everyone else.

I know it's like 'no you're not!! You only think you are!! They love you!!' ... I've been smacked both literally and figuratively for saying 'you guys treat me different/unfairly compared to x'... But.. gods at this point I. Just. CAN'T keep believing them or telling myself that when the evidence is right in front of me. I feel like I must have done something REALLY BAD and BIG for everyone to pull away so hard... But at the same time... I... Can't figure what it is or how. I've asked too, but the closet I've gotten to an answer is 'You're too much, Meek.'

I know I sorta... Became a worse recluse than I was (kinda I'm response to that. Trying so hard NOT to be too much)... But I kept telling and telling and telling I was available and offering what I could and more... I kept trying to deal- if I need something I would provide in return, just name the price... Did I forget or fail to follow through with something? Or something? No one can think of anything to tell me that didn't have a legitimate reason if ever I did (as good as or better than they have given me) that I shared up front and sometimes in advance with them. I even went into detail about what might happen if I am asked for help on a bad day- I tend to be a bit grumpy if woken up, but will still be there to help and will apologize for any harshness as I am going about it. I do that- but... Nothing.. and every single person has offered and practically forced (in W0lfie's case) all of the stuff I've asked for onto anyone but me. Need help finding/getting a good word in for work! Sure!! *Gives me links to indeed and Job service sites I'm already on/refuses to say my application is in the mix for positions at their workplaces or downright says they don't know if I'm a good worker even though I gave them my sick day and late count and all that fun stuff to pass off or downright doesn't tell me there's a good opening they know about*

Oh such-and-such is happy where they're at? So-and-so Can't hold a job because they keep quitting? *Gives information about good jobs and puts in a good word for them and sticks their neck out to get them hired.. is surprised when the offer is rejected by the family that says they're already okay with their current work or the unreliable friend they got hired quits*... Oh woe is me, I need help and there's no one to turn to!! *Refuses to call me knowing I have the day off, have my phone on, and have said I'm free that day... Asks literally every other person even the ones that demand payment for the job or can only do a part of it.. or just ends up doing it themselves by dropping another important obligation instead of calling me*

The most common excuse for that last one is. 'oh I didn't want to make you more stressed.'

Um... I offered? I was here the whole time? What...?

*sigh*

I suppose I wouldn't be thinking of that stuff or be so upset by it all except for the fact I'm told these things and then I'm shown (and told) this last week people think I'm EXTREMELY lazy...

My dad and everyone else wants me to/thinks I should work more than 3 days a week... Or should get on disability if it's 'that hard.' Obviously they've never tried and seen THAT shit show... I have looked into it. Not only have I gotten treated like something to be disgusted by friends, family, medical professionals, and jobs alike (because it's oh so despicable to be on social security while young and spry- even though I have medically frail on my damn chart I'm apparently 'young and spry'- fuck you) when I've tried to pursue it, also being on it ISN'T a cake walk.. the restrictions. The WORK you have to do (and the work you can't do!! I'm right in the middle and technically can work too much for disability, but not enough for getting by on my own). The shit you have to go through... My own therapist told me some programs I could pursue would put me further behind where I am and I could possibly never get out... And she was the one that pushed me to get foodstamps, so it's not like she thinks they're hooey...

My dad thinks me working 3 days a week and refusing to do more lest I break down all the time is just.. lazy.. unfortunate... Stupid. He wants me to take all these homeowners and car buying and loan classes... Like I'm EVER going to be able to afford a single one of those things.. or think it's a good idea to throw down $25-$150 a pop for a class, let alone spend 8 hours taking one (I'd love to and think they're amazing things, but uh...)... Like somehow it'll 'convince' me to 'work harder'.

DUDE.

What.

The.

FUCK.

Is WRONG with you?!

I get it... I seriously can't work more days a week. If I do, I completely spiral out of control from the pressure as well as the guilt from spiraling and and.. you get the idea. I just do. I know I do. And I found my balance in 3 days on.

It's pretty easy to think 4 days off are, well.. 4 days off. 4 days to play. 4 days of freedom. But... I make things... I've made two blankets already. One more I'm working on.. usually AT work because I'm so busy. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifts. Holiday gifts. Trying to do commissions too to get more money in. Also.. em... I'm usually awake during the day to.. make appointments because my health is just a mess.. helping the friends that HAVE asked for help... Running errands because I can't at night (partly due to Covid changing everything's hours)... Or if I HAPPEN to get to.. I'm sleeping because I'm on a night schedule.. at night if anyone had need of me I'd be right there!! But guess what, THEY are sleeping. If I actually have a night off (which I haven't in nearly a month now because I CAN go over to my friend who needs help's house at 5 in the morning.. after I drop W0lfie off at work or I'd be there sooner.) I'm DOING things. Wednesday itself happens to be dedicated to FIXING my sleep schedule that I screwed doing everything my sisters need or want me to do during the day... It's up to ME to screw MY sleep so THEY can get or have what they need/want... Never mind they refuse (with legitimate reasons) to do the same for me (though I have legitimate reasons I could say no as well, but ooooh I'm the 'bad guy').

*rubs face* I'm so busy my mind and body is screaming at me in pain. Sooo lazy 🙄

But yet I'm shit because I refuse to work more.

Idk what it is, okay? I. Don't. Know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm Autistic and something overloads that hasn't been address like ever and so has only gotten worse (this is my guess), or the PTSD is doing something (my therapist's guess--- which not to derail but WHO ELSE IS IN THERAPY IN MY FAMILY?! you want to guess? That's right, NO ONE... No one is even TRYING to deal with theirs, and I don't just mean the pandemic. Big sister had it as bad, if not worse than I did. Refuses. Dad and step mom knows they do. Little sister scared. Little bro disinterested. 'There's no time' or 'costs too much' despite several having free sessions available to them via their job and Heath insurance- with multiple options- and everyone but little sister making more than they ever have in their lives on top of relying on others to pay any bills they can't keep up on... GRR).. or something else that just makes me become such a wreck. I hate it more than anyone else, you know.. because I have to live with it AND everyone telling me how lazy and lucky and entitled and how 'much' I am.

...

And you want to know what sparked all of this?

Tevs worked a 12+ hour day that ended up having me woken up by the cats that hadn't been fed.

Let me explain... Tevs and I got into it badly after I was continually deprived of sleep because she was working so much and blaming me for 'making' her deal with stuff at home I didn't even know were problems. She continued to explode and explode and treat W0lfie and I TERRIBLY after work as well AND continually told our other friends and family she so desperately needed a vacation and LESS work, and just kept pulling 10, 11, 13 hour days she didn't have to... All while not eating or drinking or having bathroom breaks... and I was DONE with it. I have and had offered to do more, just need to be directed on what needs to be done that I can do while they're asleep (duh) so she had no leg to stand on there... With the rest... She promised to not work more than 10 hour shifts (agreed upon because I have a 10hr shift at work with no breaks too) AND to either let us know in advance if she was going to be late so I could feed the cats, or have someone do SOMETHING to get the cats fed so they weren't deliberately jumping on me to wake me up... You know.. communicate a little more. Do a little better so she wasn't killing herself working. She promised.

Well..

Apparently (new information to me) a promise and Tevs giving her word.. are two different things. Promises don't matter. Giving her word had weight.

What. The. Fuck.

So MY getting upset this last week that not only was she working more than 10 hours... Not only did she not tell anyone about it.. not only did the cats come to wake me up (after I had FINALLY fallen asleep a short while before due to just how BUSY I was that day, and it was Wednesday 😭)... But she also REFUSED to speak to ANYONE and tell her where she was/that she was safe- completely and deliberately ghosting everyone... Until she showed up at my dad's house 12+ hours after the start of her shift in which she didn't eat, didn't drink, and didn't use the bathroom for the entirely duration..

...

I was told to back off. That my upset was unfounded. That I was just like our horrible mother and I was just trying to control her life.

Does that sound right to you?

It does to my dad. I would wager my step mom. All of their friends. And of course Tevs.

Nevermind that W0lfie was just as freaked out and upset... That she actually has a front row seat as to what I go through now/how hard I try to be kind and careful and respectful and relaxed and NOT controlling and finally gets it... And that she's now directly effected by all of it too... And agrees this is MESSED UP as hell...

No.

I'm shit. I need to work more. I need to move out and be on my own. I need to not rely on anyone. I am 'too much'.

Where did it all go wrong?

I now understand exactly why I felt and still do feel unloved. It's because of this stuff... I got smacked and told I was never alone or on my own.. that I had so much support and help... but.. well.. yes I was. My mind and abilities and more belittled or looked over in favor of others to bring up. Everyone is guilty of doing this to me in my family. I won't go into details because it's a lot. Many times.. many bad ones... Often I was told my reality wasn't the truth too. How is that supportive? I appreciate every bit they have ever done for me, but trying to point out where they fell (just like all people do).. I'm suddenly the most ungrateful thing ever.

My own parents rely on each other AND a third party (their son) to pay the bills... My dad's siblings both live with his parents... My step mom's family members live with each other and rely on one another to get bills paid.... Not a single one is forced or really suggested to go room with randos if they can't do it on their own. It was brought up to W0lfie that it's an option for her this last week... But guess fucking what she got that I didn't AS WELL as that.. "We'll always have a place for you here."

I did get that when I was younger and nearly kicked out for refusing to tell my mother I was Trans. I eventually caved, but, HA they didn't believe me. That mess was sorted out.. messily and I got to stay... Lucky me... Not to mention the fact that only NOW I might finally be able to just accept it and not closet myself for the sake of everyone else because I'm THAT done.. yay therapy. I'll accept being non-binary because I can never actually be a man the way anyone around me will ever accept or believe.. but I'm not accepting 'being a woman'. Screw you peeps XP

...

I don't get that kind of support because I'm their eyes.. I'm too much. Should be able to do it on my own. Too lazy. Too awful as Tevs has managed to paint by completely omitting important details.. I can't say things in a few words. I just can't. Because this is exactly what happens... But regardless.. that's all she ever shares. Just enough I'm a monster. I'm sick and tired of it.

Reminds me...

My dad and mom and the rest of our family would never get birthday gifts or holiday cards or anything if I wasn't around. Same with our siblings. I remember. I make. I remind. I push. But... They don't even know about that. About what I try to do for them that gets twisted to look like it's all Tev's doing because I often can't make it to deliver it myself... And when I do idk.. I guess I do it wrong or something because it's so... Blah of a response.. like they think I'm NOT responsible for it and just taking credit... That hurts. A LOT.

...

I'm going to try. One more time. Once more. With Tevs. Give her one more chance to make and keep her word. To not bulldoze and make excuses and talk me up like some sort of unreasonable monster if/when she doesn't... And one more chance for my parents to hear me out. Get the full story. Get my feelings and experiences in return. On Monday I might have a chance to lay it all out. Maybe. I want to try. And if I get the same treatment.. well.. I think they might just be cut out of my life if I finally make it out on my own like they want. (Hopefully something income based will open up for me.. hopefully... I'm considering looking into a different city altogether to well and truly get away from them.. but that would depend on getting a job too.. bluh)

Ah that's a another thing too though.. the thing is.. I CAN work. I CAN pull 7 days a week, 16 hour days without spiraling!!! Making. I am a crafter. If making dresses or cosplays or embroidering or making blankets or trinkets or... If I was able to do THAT.. I could work and work and work no problem... Maybe even drawing..

But with the stress of this job and my other obligations, I can barely touch those things to even get started... Stick in the rut.. and materials are so expensive if I need anything extra I hit a roadblock... Totally locked in... And it breaks my heart...

I'm not lazy... I'm in the wrong job 😞

#personal #random #life in general #stress #life #long #rant

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