#seriously i'm screaming

[spacedace]

You know, when I picked up a book of murder mystery themed logic puzzles, at no point was I anticipating that I'd end up engrossed in a slow burn rivals to friends to enemies to lovers story between a logic obsessed moronsexual and his pretty boy eccentric boyfriend, and yet here I am. Utterly obsessed.

Like, this puzzle book is absolutely unhinged in the best possible way. The world is like if a Monty Python sketch and the movie Clue had a lovechild and the kid grew up to be obsessed with Lost and hilariously bad ghost hunting shows.

There's a Moriarty-like character who is basically Agatha Christie if she was portrayed by Rowan Atkinson's Blackadder. The non-binary character could rival Elliot Spencer with how many skills and jobs they have throughout the book. There's a secret base on the moon and for some reason a college football coach is there. There's a section of the book where a movie studio is making a movie of the book that you're working your way through. Actual, literal Excalibur is used as a murder weapon.

This thing is insane and I love it and I'm literally going to my local bookstore right now to go get the other two books in the series because I burned through this thing in less than a week

[biancadavri]

yeah ok MAYBE you got things like "marrying the hot king/queen" and "kickstarting the redemption arc of a literal god by making him fall in love" and "healing spells" but WHO got the sort of catharsis that can only come from a bloodied and bruised dwarf plunging a sword through the skull of the literal embodiment of what their people struggled against for centuries? you? i think the fuck not

[babychosen]

ANgeLA!!!!

[beanghostprincess]

The fact that one of the most popular OP theories is about Crocodile being a trans man and yet some of you still call it "crocomom" escapes my understanding

[kyouka-supremacy]

(╥﹏╥)

[theartisticdoofus]

ok but imagine if world hater majik's trial is making them fall in love or something- ok I'm sorry I'll put it back in the box😞

[arty-tardigrade]

Max vs. Daniel! Who would win: a psychopathic cultist with a knife or a ten year old?

(Spoiler, it's the ten year old.)

[maladyinpink]

🔊 CARE-SNAKE-ING: Feelin' Crook 🍒🐍Haz/bin Ho/tel Wav

ALL PROJECTS WILL ALWAYS BE STRICTLY AI FREE

WAP BAM BOOM Alacazam! Here it is folks, the second haz wav project in the series! Wav is dedicated on 🍀 St. Patrick's Day to my Irish buddy and fellow Cherri/Snake enthusiast @very-freakin-effable! Wav would not have been completed without your support... and thanks to Effy and @themiseryandcompany for beta reading the script. I really appreciate it, dolcezze 😌💗💗💗

CARE-SNAKE-ING: Feelin' Crook: Our chaotic couple have their version of date night in the doomsday district, battling a gang of thugs that have hijacked a shipment of beelzejuice heading to the hotel! However, Pen/tious quickly discovers his lady isn't feeling quite up to snuff. But getting Cherr/i to slow down and admit that she's sick is a battle of it's own.

CW: A SLEW of wacky voices (cough drops were NEEDED on this one folks.), Slow burn...sneezes come a bit later, good things come to those who wait. Badass BG music, fast paced action/combat audio, Sounds of Gunfire, explosives and other fututistic weaponry, explicit dialogue, sounds of illness, loud rough female cold sneezing, mention of drug use, coughing, denial, emotional comfort and tender soft CARE-SNAKE-ING.

Script is below, enjoy!

~ Baci Baci, Pink

🍒🐍 CARE - SNAKE - ING - SCRIPT

(Scene 1 - We close in on a dark seedy area of the Pentagram’s Doomsday District, a small group of THUGS has taken one of the shipments of alcohol heading to the nearby Hazbin Hotel. A hellhound, THUG #1, the leader, in amongst the group of shifty lowlives is talking into a phone, going over the details of the stolen shipment.)

THUG #1: (chuckles) Yeah…Me an' the guys have secured the area an' the goods. Hijacked that truck heading to that crummy hotel on the edge of the ring, shipment of Beelzejuice straight in from Gluttony…We were just leaving…

(He laughs and gestures at the truck)

THUG #1: Hey! Who wants a cold one?-

(The THUGS however are not alone and aren’t getting away with the spoils that easily. A hissing posh accent sharply draws the attention of the group. A slithering figure approaches out of the shadows, wielding a ray gun that powers up, ready to take a shot.)  

SIR PENTIOUS: Not so fast, you Pigeon-livered jolluck!...If I’m not mistaken you’ve got something that doesn't belong to you and I'm not above brute force…Hand over the libations and nobody gets hurt!

(The hellhound seems to know PEN well enough and approaches.)

THUG #1: Pentious! Been a while, y'slimy bag of farts…Seems someone finally grew balls, but not the brains…

(The THUGS laugh, but PEN stands his ground, unwavering as they taunt like schoolyard bullies.)

THUG #1: We still gotcha outnumbered, dickless! All on your lonesome…

(The band of uglies laugh again, and cock and load their weapons toward the snake. Mostly guns…but seems like one brought a sword to a gunfight. The leader laughs maniacally.)

THUG #1: Where's the girl, Ol’ man?

(Always knowing how to make an entrance, an explosion comes from overhead, signalling the presence of the ballistic belle of chaos…)

CHERRI BOMB: RIGHT HERE, BITCH! And SHE…is on fucking fire today!…Sorry m'late, handsome!

PENTIOUS: (delighted, called upward.) Ah! Not at all, you're right on time, darling!

CHERRI: (cheerily) Look out below!

(She slides down a gutter pipe on the side of the building to reach their level, PEN takes her hand as she lands to check in and make sure she is alright. CHERRI thanks her partner, then turns to enact her first verbal blows, getting up close and personal to the hellhound. The much shorter woman is not intimidated in the slightest, pointing directly at the leader's chest.)

CHERRI: (overzealous) Who’re calling dickless, dickless? Listen, NO ONE…talks about my man like that…except for me, especially what’s going on downunder. If you ask me, you're just jealous cause he got two bananas in his bunch.

PENTIOUS: (blushing, embarrassed) Oh, Cherri!

CHERRI: Y'know…Two can play your game, where's your mate at? Dingo lookin' fucker, right? Late, full as a goog? As per usual, after he left y'sorry ass?

(THUG #1's face drops and he whines as CHERRI seems to have hit a sore spot)

THUG #1: (growls) Hey bitch, fuck off! He's sober…Most of the time…We've been…going to counseling. 

CHERRI: (mocks) Aww, see I missed the part where I gave a shit, fuckhead.

(PEN is now genuinely offended, this was low hanging fruit. Of the couple, he is the more emotionally conscious, but she's been improving.)

PENTIOUS: Tch, I say, Miss Bomb! Manners!

(A little annoyed, CHERRI stops herself and hesitantly tries to be more sympathetic.)

CHERRI: Ugh, fine!...Ahem…Sorry to hear that, bruv…You know what?...Don't suppose you lot…want a head start?...'fore we do this shit?

(The THUGS start running without hesitation, PENTIOUS turns to CHERRI with a tender smile.)

PENTIOUS: See, that was very nice, darling, you can be very kind sometimes…

CHERRI: Yeah, poor guy deserved a break, I guess…(sniffs, barely a beat)...Anyway, now?

PENTIOUS: Absolutely! I'd love nothing more, shall we gut this scoundrel?

CHERRI: Fuck yeah!…Let's…Oh no…hold on-...hh….hEHt'TSCHT'HIEW!...(sighs)

PENTIOUS: (concerned) Oh goodness! Bless you!...Are you quite alright?

CHERRI: (laughs) Uh-huh, relax, m'fine…Let's go catch these suckers…Ready?

(PEN powers up his ray gun and tests a shot out to the side, he pulls CHERRI in for a tender snog, that she lovingly returns. She giggles.)

PENTIOUS: (laughs slyly) I love when we play dirty…

CHERRI: (tender whisper) Me too.

(She lights the fuse and throws the first bomb, signalling the official start of the action, of what is a typical date night for the couple. CHERRI's musical laugh carries as they get a move on to catch up with the THUGS and the music drops as the fight begins. CHERRI jumps through the air and whoops out a yell. PEN takes aim and shoots at one of the gang from a distance, landing a hit. ) 

PENTIOUS: TAKE THAT!

CHERRI: (triumphant, proud) Nice one, babe!

(She almost loses her footing, but throws another bomb and it goes off, landing another hit and taking down two more targets. PEN blasts out several shots.)

PENTIOUS: Taste my fury, you barmy hooligan!

CHERRI: Eat shit, y'miserable cuntlickers!

(PEN laughs, but then hears his partner…coughing. He shoots and calls over his shoulder to CHERRI as they keep moving.)

PENTIOUS: I rather don't like the sound of that cough, dearest!

CHERRI: (calls back) M'fine!…It's just the smoke babe!…

(PEN'S gun jams, and signals a reload.)

PENTIOUS: (sarcastic) Right and I’m Queen Victoria-...Oh! Dearest, aim, 3 o'clock!

(CHERRI gasps and throws a bomb, but misfires, covering them in rubble, dust and smoke.)

THUG #1: (laughs to his men) Think we lost 'em.

(This is a fake out, as the couple emerges from the dust and smoke.)

CHERRI: Think again, champ. Now give us the goods. Under the order of Lucifer Fucking Morningstar.

(PEN's gun reloads.)

PENTIOUS: Honestly…You pussy willows make this far too easy.

THUG#1: Fine, Alright!...I surrender, I- huh?

(A gun cocks and loads. Seemingly CHERRI was wrong about the 'Dingo lookin' fucker'...A coyote sinner with a thick southern drawl signals his presence. THUG #1's boyfriend, THUG #2. There's a gun in his paw and he's brought a handful of more THUGS with him.)

THUG #2: Step away from my man, y'candy asses. He ain't gonna surrender if I have anything to say about it.

THUG #1: (love-struck, he whimpers) Barry! Oh Sweetie you came! And…you brought my favorite gun…Awww, you shouldn't have!

THUG #2: (sweetly) Of course, Peanut…Wouldn't miss it for the world…

(He pecks his lover's cheek with a quick 'Mwah' and gets back to the matter at hand, giving the gun to his partner who points it at the other couple.)

THUG #2: Now let's skin this bitch alive!

(CHERRI nervously laughs and grimaces.)

CHERRI: Oh great, they made up, congratulations!...Run, babe!

(CHERRI runs…leaving PEN with…everyone else.)

PENTIOUS: (panicked, then sheepish) W-Wait, darling!...I don’t suppose we could work something out, friends…

(NOPE. All of the THUGS cock their weapons. And PEN's ray gun…jams...again.)

PENTIOUS: Oh shit…

(From a distance, the gunfire and yelling echoes through the district. The thugs chase after PEN.)

🍒🐍

(Scene 2 - PENTIOUS has managed to slither away momentarily from the THUGS, but is…missing his partner. He pants to catch his breath, slithers and crawls quietly around the streets and alleys. His gun is at the ready and scanning for any danger.)

PENTIOUS : (Whispers) Cherri?...Cherri, dear, where are you?

(He hears a few poorly muffled sneezes in the nearby alleyway. And sees his partner sitting on a box in the shadows, her head in her cupped hands, her eye shut in pain. He quickly slithers over to her. She coughs and looks up, exhausted. She's coming down fast….but is in denial.)

CHERRI: Sorry Pen…Y-y'ready to get back up there?-

PENTIOUS: (softly gasps and sits next to her) No no-…Cherri-...Cherri..Perhaps, we might need to put a pin in this?...You don’t look well at all!

CHERRI: (looks up and tries to reassure, in denial) No!...No- no!...There's no time to veg out on a bullshit sickie!…We gotta get up there an'- hh..hih!-...

(She poorly muffles a loud sneeze in her elbow and it echoes in the alley.)

CHERRI: AAt'TSCHT'SCHIEW!-...(growls, frustrated, but her protests are weak) Fuck! m'really alright!

PENTIOUS: (uncharacteristically firm, not like this often)...Miss Bomb, t-that's quite enough, I insist…You must rest…at least take some momentary respite…And if I may, just… let me feel your lymph nodes.

(CHERRI exhaustedly shakes her head, sputters, and tries to bat away his hands, repeating 'No' but is preoccupied as she hitches and feels another few grating sneezes coming, these ones she barely directs into her shoulder, down at the ground.)

CHERRI: (desperate) No no nooo-…heheeh!-.. ECKH'HEW!...aat'RRTSH'SHEWww-…Oh no.

(PEN reaches a gentle claw to each side of her throat to check her glands.)

PENTIOUS: (sadly) Oh…Bless,…Yes, as I thought. Swollen.

(CHERRI swears and pulls away 'Fuck! Gkkk-', sputters and gags a little, coughing.)

CHERRI: (not listening, she coughs out-) …Uh-uh…Pen, we've gotta get back up there!

PENTIOUS: (floored) Are you mad, woman? You're ill!

CHERRI: But, t-the booze?!...They're gettin' away!

PENTIOUS: And your health is more important! The princess would agree...

CHERRI: No!...I-I can handle this…I…just- gotta-...

(She starts to rustle through her bag of explosives and her pockets for something. They CAN'T LOSE this, she hates to lose.)

PENTIOUS: (declarative) No!...No no!...I am calling a ceasefire!

(In an instant, it's clear CHERRI has found something as she starts to run down the alleyway.)

PENTIOUS: Wait! No!...Cherri? Where are you going?!

(This falls on deaf ears as CHERRI coughs, out of breath as she looks around and fiddles with explosives and runs down the alleyway, PEN calls after her. She lights a fuse and throws it up to the building above. It explodes and a scream sounds.)

CHERRI: (triumphant) Yes!

(She starts to cough uncontrollably and has to slow down, until she completely stops, heaving and wheezing.)

PENTIOUS: (frustrated, worried, a bit mom-ish, catches his breath) That's it, Missy!...I'm counting!...One!…Two!…Three…Uh, Four? Whew...Oh god…Damn it, Cherri! I'm putting my foot down!

CHERRI: (out of breath)...You don't have feet, moron…

PENTIOUS: (deadpans) …Right.

CHERRI: (hitches fitfully) Oh no-...huh!-...HUH'ECKH'HEWw! HUH'EHR'ECK'HEWw! PTSCHT'SCHeew!..heht-...HEH'pTCHEW!- Oh, fuck, that hurts…hah?...HEH'ITSCH'IEEWww!

PENTIOUS: (startled) Oh! Good heavens! Bless you! BLESS you!...BLESS, my love…(then sympathetic) Oh, my dear…

(PEN blesses and coos lovingly as CHERRI struggles through the fit. Unfortunately the loud fit signals the thugs to their hiding spot.)

THUG #1: There they are, get 'em!

(The THUGS charge forward, battle crying in a cacophony.)

PENTIOUS: HOLD IT!

(The THUGS suddenly freeze. CHERRI sneezes a loud 'HACK'IEWww!')

PENTIOUS: (matter of fact) Bless you...Party's over lads…We're going home, booze is yours.

(Bunch of disappointed ad-libs from the group of THUGS…Despite the fact that…they won. They love a good fight, it seems.)

THUG#1: I never get to use my favorite gun.

THUG #2: I know baby…

PENTIOUS: (genuinely sorry)…Sorry everyone! The lady isn't feeling well! Same time next week though? I promise to bring biscuits! (he pauses and turns)...Cherri, my love?

CHERRI: One sec…(CHERRI coughs uncontrollably.) 

PENTIOUS: (winces) Oh, let’s go home…You must feel awful. 

CHERRI: (stuffy, hesitantly admitting) Gah…Woke up, feelin’ a bit crook, is all…May've tried to-...I tried to take a line before I got here…

PENTIOUS: (suddenly very worried) …Oh, Cherri…

CHERRI: …Thought it’d get me through today…

PENTIOUS: …Cherri, I thought you were clean?-

CHERRI: (unexpectedly emotional, snaps) Well I didn’t get far now did I?...Nose is too fuckin’ bunged up to…hehhh…

(PEN is a bit wounded at the outburst, but sets it aside to support CHERRI as she launches inti a huge, harsh and desperate sneezing fit, bending the poor girl in half, holding a wall for support. PEN realizes quickly that she can't stop and is a bit speechless.)

CHERRI: …HhEH'ItSH'HEWw! Hh'khECHK'SCHEww! Hhh!- HaeH'ECKHH'SCHEW!  HAH'ETSH'HWw- hold on- HEH'ESH'Hihhh…Ihh-It won’t s-stop!- (the sneezing is getting breathless)...Ihhh…Tsc'hhiew! TSCH'Hiew!...AaPPtCH'tscheww….hhh…HAATCH'CHewww…Hhh!-....HEH'EICKh'HIEEWw!...

PENTIOUS: (a bit unable to keep up) Bless you! ...Bless you, B-Bless you! Cherri! Bless you, my love!

(As she finishes, he suddenly remembers and reaches into his suit pocket for his monogrammed handkerchief and offers.)

PENTIOUS: Here, my dear,  blow…My word! That sounds like it's hurting you, chuffing like a chimney, poor thing…

(CHERRI turns away and blows.)

CHERRI: Thanks…(sniffs, sullen) …M'so sorry, Pen…

PENTIOUS: (melts) …If anything, thank you for telling me…I just care and worry for you, and while I trust you, it’s my duty as your confidant…your boyfriend (the word is a bit foreign to him) to take care of you at your lowest. I- I simply don’t want you to suffer, I can't bear to see you so…miserable.

CHERRI: (exhausted) …Sweetheart?

PENTIOUS: (patient, sweet) Yes?

CHERRI: (quiet)…Feels like my head's gonna blow.

PENTIOUS: (sympathetically coos) I'm sure…We'll set you right, come along, let's get you to bed…

🍒🐍

(Scene 3 - We are back at the hotel, in a suite that the couple share together. CHERRI’s hair is out of her signature ponytail and sitting cross legged in bed in her pajamas with a thermometer in her mouth and a pillow held in her lap. As it beeps, PEN takes the device and reads.)

PENTIOUS: Ooh, 102! Oh dear…Well, you did say you were 'On fire' today.

CHERRI: ...ARRh'RSHHT'SHEW!

PENTIOUS: (a little startled) Bless you! My, you’ve quite a wicked sneeze, you know!

(He laughs, albeit a bit awkwardly and sees her dejected face, she puts down the pillow, pulls up the blanket and turns over.)

PENTIOUS: (he clears his throat and tests the waters)...I know today wasn’t what you hoped for…but I hope you know, I’m quite proud of you… 

CHERRI: (glum, she turns and looks up at the ceiling) What for?...The moment things got hard, I reached for what was easy. I didn’t listen to you…I fucking-... I failed…I’m sorry.

PENTIOUS: (starts) Well yes- yes, you failed…

CHERRI: (looks at him)…Gee, thanks, babe.

PENTIOUS: (a bit exasperated) Cherri- that's not what I-…(he smiles, proud, with conviction and love) You're persevering! Take it from an old man who’s faced defeat on numerous occasions to note. You’ve got determination, unlike anything I’ve seen from anyone else…You'll make short work of this nasty chill and rise again in no time to try again! I know how much you hate admitting when you're not at your best, but you are doing it. And that takes strength…Real strength, my dear…Now I think some lavender tea should help that throat of yours, I’ll put a kettle on.

CHERRI: (she smiles too, grateful, but winded) Thank you, Pen…You know, y'not bad at this sick day thing…Taking care of my sorry ass.

(His eyebrow cocks, and he saddles up beside her in their bed.)

PENTIOUS: Oho? Well what kind of partner would I be otherwise?…When she does need of me, I will always care for my…brave…

(He nuzzles and smooches her temple.)

CHERRI: …Mm!

PENTIOUS: ...Bodacious… (smooches her cheek.)

CHERRI: (giggles) S’that right?

PENTIOUS: (contemplates) Mm-hmm...Often- Bullheaded…(nuzzles and smooches her freckled shoulder.)

CHERRI: (agrees) Hm…Fair…

PENTIOUS Hm…brilliantly (smooches her neck knowing it'll tickle her) bright…(leans over and smooches right under her eye, on her nose)...beauty.

(CHERRI musical giggles grow sleepy…She hitches and lets out a tired tickly 'HEP'PSTCH'hiew!')

PENTIOUS: (he chuckles) Bless you. 

(CHERRI blows her nose in a clean handkerchief.)

CHERRI: (sniffles thickly) I do need you…Yeh?...I don't tell y'enough…but I love ya.

PENTIOUS: (lovingly agrees, insistant) And I you, dear…Now, I must insist that YOU get some rest. No explosions, no battles...not even a shouting match with the neighbors…Now, I’ll be right back!

(PENTIOUS hums and exits to put the kettle on…CHERRI sighs…and sneezes again…a loud muffled HAH'ECK'HEWww into her hanky. An Egg boi, a little shaken, it seems, approaches the bed.)

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Miss Cherri?…

CHERRI: (dazed) Yeh?

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Are you okay? 

CHERRI: (a bit awkward)…Yeh?

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Your face exploded!

(Unable to respond, she flops back on the bed, exhausted, frustrated.)

CHERRI: …UGH

È Finito, Grazie!

- ♡ Pink

[snkyou]

Drabble Prompt: Post-canon Levi, struggling with chronic pain and mourning his dead loved ones, being visited by his still alive loved ones

Anon, you knew how to talk pretty to me <3

hihi requests are still open btw

I feel like I gotta put a disclaimer or something lmao. So, the length of my drabble requests is usually something between 100-400 words. This request is just an incredibly unexpected exception. it just happened to fit into this idea I already had been thinking of, which was how the remaining 104th would ask Levi to be part of important events in their lives because well, they like the dude lmao, so expect that sort of one-shot soon. Additionally, since I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be a drabble, I might have glossed over the chronic pain and mourning bits so I'm sorry about that ;;

that being said, 2.4k words of Levi and Gabi be upon ye <3

Now on Ao3!

The angry hissing of the kettle makes him flinch. It brings a loud ringing to his right ear. Instinctively, he places his right hand over it, and gives his ear a couple of gentle taps; it's more of a grounding gesture, a distraction from the buzzing. He usually keeps watch over the kettle, so that he can lower the heat just right before it gets a chance to scream at him. 

He realises then that he must have spaced out while waiting. It’s alright, he thinks. It’s been like that a lot, recently. He’s been like that. Lost in thought-- lost in time, if he allowed himself to be precise. The last days, weeks even, as the temperatures started to drop, blended into each other. There’s a little calendar on his bedside table, it had been a birthday gift from Armin – or had that been Mikasa’s? He isn’t sure, he had received an absurd number of presents from the kids last year, it had been hard to keep track of who gave him what and now the fact escaped him. Turning the pages of the little calendar, with its delicate botanical illustrations on each day, quickly became part of his morning routine, and so he was sure that time was passing at all. The stillness of the routine, he guesses, made him like this.

His vision blurs momentarily while he scoops the tea leaves into the teapot. He squints, trying to will his good eye to focus, but all he gets in return is a throb in his right eye. After putting the tea canister away, he presses the inner sides of his wrists to both eyes, placing just enough pressure to relieve the discomfort. When he opens his eyes again, he is pleased to find he can read the small print on the canister an arm’s length away. 

There’s a loud slam coming from the front of the house, followed by footsteps coming further into the house.

He quickly recognizes the heavy stomping as Gabi’s gait. She’s always been so loud.

Gabi crosses the arch into the small kitchen and dining area. 

“Don’t slam my doors,” he says as a greeting, slowly turning his head to his left side, trying to catch a glimpse of her in his periphery.

“Aye, aye,” the kid waves her hand, shoots him a teasing grin, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Levi hums in response but doesn’t say anything else. He busies himself with placing everything they need for their morning tea and coffee on a metal tray on the counter, which Gabi takes from him as soon as it’s ready and sets it on the table.

He grabs his cane from where he had hooked it on one of the kitchen drawers. He has been leaning against the counter, his right leg supporting most of his weight all this time. He braces himself for the sharp pain that will surely surge from his bad knee, through his left hip and up his spine. Cold mornings like this one and being still in one place for long will do that to him. It’s not so bad. It could be worse.

It takes 4 steps to get from the stove to his chair, which Gabi has already pulled out for him. It sits at an angle that allows him to easily slide down on it and rest his right elbow on top of the table, leaning back and against his good side.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” she holds a couple of envelopes in her hand and waves them at him, “You’ve got mail!”

He nods at her in acknowledgement but does not take his attention away from preparing his first batch of tea of the day. There’s a ritual to it, it almost feels like, and he doesn’t want to mess it up. Not when the ringing in his ear is still there, the building pressure in the upper back part of his eyeballs, and the cold air seeping into his bones through his thick jumper. Oh, how he needs a good cup of tea right now.

While Levi waits for it to steep, he grabs the papers that she had shoved in his face, squints his eyes at the first envelope and finds that he is unable to make out much of the handwriting. He brings it closer to his face, squints harder, steals a quick glance across the table and hopes Gabi isn’t paying him any mind, too preoccupied with choosing from the bag of pastries she brought with her. It is with an impassive expression that he hands the stack of envelopes back. 

“Read it for me.” A beat and then he adds, a little reluctant: “Please.”

He knows Gabi prefers coffee in the mornings, and black tea in the evenings, so he makes sure to have a fresh brew of the former whenever he knows she’s coming over; so, with shaky hands, Levi gets to prepare her cup of coffee. While he enjoys the aroma of it, he remains faithful to tea; at first, he thought he didn’t like it because he had butchered his first attempts at brewing it. But even after Onyankopon had taught him how to do it properly and he had enjoyed his cup, it didn’t bring the same comfort as tea. It just never hit the spot.

She shoots him a mischievous grin, “Oh, you sure? What if I read something personal, hm?” 

Levi just shakes his head, scoffing at the idea of Gabi finding his junk mail fascinating.

“Is this how I find out you have a secret lover you’re exchanging raunchy love letters with?” Gabi teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He lets out a tired sigh and rolls his eyes, “just wanna be done with it, ” he stirs the milk into Gabi’s coffee, which now has turned into a cup of milk with coffee. “We have a lot to prepare for tonight.”

She clicks her tongue at him, but still rips the first envelope open, “Mr. Levi, your reading won’t improve if you keep doing that,” she jokingly scolds him.

Although Levi mentally recognises handing her and Falco stuff he couldn’t be bothered reading before, that’s not the case this time. He’ll let her think that for now, though, because he doesn’t want to mention the pressure building in the back of his bad eye, it’s not important and she, a kid, doesn’t need to know his newly found ailment of the week. He can see just fine around him right now. He can see Gabi’s big eyes and playful smile at the other side of the table, and that’s good enough; smaller details, he doesn’t feel he can do them, not without making himself go dizzy with a migraine.

Levi slides the cup of coffee to her and is pleased with himself when she approves of the colour of her drink.

“It’s from Armin,” she announces as she scans the letter. 

From this angle, the soft morning light illuminating her face and thanks to his faulty vision, Gabi’s image stirs his memory. His heart faintly constricts as he is reminded of the many times Hange read their research reports to him during breakfast in the mess hall before presenting them to Erwin. Levi always wondered how they could read so fast, sometimes he even doubted they were actually reading at all, their words barely being able to catch up with her eyes; he never asked about it, maybe reading came easy to them as numbers did to him.

A high-pitched squeal from Gabi startles him, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Oh… ohh, Mr. Levi,” she starts, her smile widening by the second “This is good news!”

Gabi makes a show of clearing her throat and then starts reading “Dear Captain, I hope this letter finds you well and in good health.” 

Levi can’t help but let a sardonic huff at the irony of the greetings but doesn’t let himself be bothered by it. He has written only a handful of personal letters throughout his life, and by now he knows it’s just something you’re supposed to say because jumping straight to the point isn’t acceptable, or so that’s what he had been told. 

Gabi continues reading Armin’s words to him. For the most part, it’s a standard letter coming from him: he asks Levi how he’s dealing with the changing of the seasons, how Gabi and Falco are faring, if business at the tea shop has been good, if there’s anything Levi needs that he can’t get in town so that Armin or the others can get it for him. He tells him a little about the country he’s writing from, he even includes a photograph. Then, after the expected pleasantries, Gabi can barely hold her excitement and starts reading faster, trying so hard not to trip over her words.

“If I’m being sincere, we would prefer to ask you in person,” Gabi stops for a second to look up at him from the paper, gauging for a reaction and finding nothing, she continues. 

Armin apologises for not being able to visit him before the holidays, Annie included, and so it is implied that he won’t be attending tonight’s reunion. 

Sometime during the last five years, the Alliance brats had decided to make showing up at Levi’s doorstep together once a year a sort of custom; the first time it happened was during an early winter, a blizzard had stopped them from leaving Levi’s until the next morning. It had been a really nice evening despite the awful weather, Levi remembers, after everyone pitched in one way or another, they all shared a simple but hearty meal together. It was Connie who jokingly said they should do it every year. The following year, Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco joined them. 

This year would be their fourth, and the first someone wouldn’t make it. That fact sits heavily in Levi’s chest, stealing the spotlight from his throbbing eye.

“...Annie and I have decided to get married. The both of us would like you to officiate our ceremony!” unable to contain her excitement, she tears her eyes away from the paper and looks at Levi. “Huh?! This is good news! What’s with the constipated face?!”

That doesn’t sound right. It figures that Annie and Armin would be the first to marry; in a way, he is happy for them, they clearly care for each other. No, that part is easy to understand. Their union is logical to anyone who knows the couple. What Levi can’t figure out is why they are asking him such a thing.

He clears his throat, assumes it’s been 3 minutes and his tea is ready to be poured and so he distracts himself with that.

When he doesn’t answer Gabi, she picks up where she left off. 

He isn’t… well, he isn’t that close to either of them. He’s sure Annie must have other relatives that could step in his stead. Maybe a brother, a cousin. Even Jean or Reiner would be better options than Levi. He isn’t good with words or people like they are, he couldn’t possibly give them a speech about something foreign to him as it is that kind of love, that’s what people expect, right? His title of Captain is obsolete in this new world, so it can’t be that either. Hell, he has never been to a fucking wedding. 

Just… why him?

As expected, Armin doesn’t really go into the details of their choice but does let Levi know they do not expect a fast answer and that they do not want him to feel pressured to accept it, despite how much it would mean to them if he did. Armin asks if there’s anything in particular that he would like for his birthday, as it is a month away, and closes the letter by saying he looks forward to seeing him and everyone then.

When the letter is closed and put back into its envelope, silence falls around them. For a moment the only sound that can be heard is the clinking of tableware as Levi places the teacup back on its saucer.

It bothers him, that he knows he will be letting Armin down by refusing something that any other well-adapted person would consider an honour. But the thought of embarrassing him and himself, because he gave an awkward, most likely insensitive, speech, mortifies him. No, he can’t put them and their guests through that. He will find a way to make it up to the couple, maybe he can… he doesn’t know yet, but he will come up with something.

As he finishes his first cup, Levi realises that at some point while he was lost in thought, the ringing in his ear has subsided and now it’s back to that muffled, cotton-in-ear sensation he’s used to and he doesn’t feel his eyeball pulsating anymore. Glancing at Gabi, he notices she is trying really hard not to say something, her brow furrowed as she takes a sip of her own drink, followed by a big bite of her pastry. Flakes stick to the corner of her mouth and for once it doesn’t disgust him. Instead, it makes his lips twitch as if going into a smile.

“I can help you... if you want,” she says eventually, sounding uncharacteristically careful and small of her.

Levi quirks an eyebrow “Help? with what?” 

She shrugs, “How to… tell them you don’t want to,” she avoids looking at him for the first time, finding the flakes on her plate more interesting. She shrugs again and tilts her head to the side, a thin line of a smile appearing on her face. “...or prepare for the ceremony.”

Not unlike many times before, Gabi’s words render him speechless, if only for a moment. He spares his tea a glance and he thinks: it’s bold of her to be so upfront about offering her help to him, and had it been any other morning, one where he couldn’t think past the constant ache in his body, he would’ve chewed her head off for simply trying to help him because he himself doesn’t know how to accept that kindness.

This kid is trying her best and he can’t help but feel somewhat proud of that.

“You have shit on your face. Here,” he points to where the flakes would sit on his own face and picks his refilled teacup back up.

Gabi quickly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting most of the flakes off. Levi gives her a thumbs-up with his free hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes and tries to ignore the little happy dance she does in her seat.

This time, when the amber liquid touches his lips, it’s remarkably sweeter than before.

[bugeyedfreaks]

✨レディースアンドジェントルメン~!✨

[musette22]

Chris Evans on What Is Your Life's Purpose? | Oprah's Book Club with Eckhart Tolle

[a-loose-collection-of-ants]

Happy pride month, holy shit

[catocappuccino]

1-BOO altered my brain

[llamaisllama777]

THE DAILY*/WEEKLY* LAES, TSAMS, EAPS REVIEW SHOW!!!

Oh, deer. 🥁 (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun)

So, I guess we know what Lunar and Earth will be dealing with this October. They may not have an October takeover, but it looks like they'll have to deal with Rez and Cetus.

This means trouble! From what I gather, Rez can infect things that have had or been exposed to negative emotions. Kinda reminds me of Agony a bit? I wonder if negative starpower and agony are linked?

But now Rez has resurrected Dazzle's old body, everyone meet Razzle (or Rezzle)

And in ever worse news..... at 3:14

THERE'S MORE OF THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!

I thought it was just Rez and Cetus! Nope! There are more we're doomed!

So, Lunar seems to be having a more physical reaction to Dark Star Energy now. He literally threw up or spat up after sensing Rezzle/Razzle, so this is either gonna be really helpful for Lunar or really bad. He basically has a spider-sense that hurts him.

The has me scared it just felt too calm and peaceful. Obviously, Razzle was watching them, but I also just got a foreboding sense like this might be the last nice moment they have for a while. Kat, Reed, Davis... please my heart...

Huh..... is.... is Turuas starting to grow on me?

Moon is basically at his lowest here. He's screaming out to God, to the universe, to anyone who will listen to please just help him and his family. That is probably very relatable. I think we've all been there at least once in our lives.

Turuas, while he isn't this planet's or everyone's biggest fan, he really helped Moon here, but telling him not to let his failures define him. Very true advice. Your failures don't define you, you do.

Turuas.... thank you. I forgive you for everything you've done to them.... but you hurt or try to kill ANY OF THEM, and we got problems! The fight between Turuas and Nexus is gonna be a sight to behold.

And lastly...

Moon and Puppet may have taken at least nineteen years off Eclipse's life with this game. I loved it. 🤣 The chaotic friendship I didn't know I needed till now.

👏11/10

Lunar, Earth, buckle up. It's gonna be a rocky October!

Seriously, if Nexus teams up with Rez, we got problems. Even more problems.

[rainysofsunshineao3]

I present to you "Big Upside-down Bicycle-Cycling Ben"...

Defeater of Toro, y'all.

ALSO

A L S O...

GUYS THEY'RE STILL TOGETHER OMFG

[arctic-hands]

Tw wegovy talk

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The fuck do you mean Maryland doesn't cover wegovy and ozempic and makes you do bariatric surgery instead. Does this include diabetes? The fuck?